#the darkling is still my one true love

[criminalamnesia]

Dancing With Our Hands Tied

summary: Nikolai confronts you about unspoken feelings.

warnings: fluff, no use of y/n, not proofread, no gendered pronouns used (that I know of), grisha!heartrender!reader

author’s note: dancing with our hands tied by taylor swift inspired this! also listen I love zoya and nikolai but nikolai is just sooooooo ksjfjsjs I wanted to write a reader insert for him.

—

What you had with your captain was something no one understood– not even the two of you.

Sturmhond– or Nikolai, as you knew him in secret– was your friend. Your captain. But he was also something more.

He was a rogue ship, and you were a lighthouse guiding him home. He was a dangerous sea, threatening to drown you if you tested your luck– and oh, how you were so close to seeing what would happen if you did.

You shouldn’t even know his true identity. But, as fate would have it, he needed a heartrender with a specific set of skills that you just happened to have, and you needed an escape.

You were his tailor– disguising his appearance and turning him into the infamous Sturmhond. That was the only reason you were allowed to see him without his mask– you were the one to put it back together.

“You’re not surprised?” He had asked you the first night your services had been requested.

The ginger hair of Sturmhond had faded. The crooked nose had straightened, but the same smug grin was still present.

“No,” you had said. “I know that heartbeat. I knew it was you a mile from your ship.”

That took him aback. How did you know his heartbeat?

You had laughed, your eyes twinkling with something he found mesmerizing. He didn’t know you– he was sure of it. He wouldn’t forget a face like yours.

One of your hands was on his shoulder, holding him still. The other roamed his face, fingers dancing across his skin as you worked.

“You’re staring,” you stated, your fingers moving to his messy blond hair. “Trying to figure out how I know you?”

“Yes,” he admitted, eyes watching your face intently. “Were you at the Little Palace?”

You nodded. “I was.” The blond of his hair started to turn red. “But I spent most of my time in the Grand Palace.” You paused, your hand leaving his shoulder to move to his chin, tilting his head to the side. You could hear his heart beat a tad bit faster.

“The Darkling gave me to your mother, as he did with Genya. I was her apprentice. She taught me how to tailor.” You told him.

“I didn’t suffer the same fate she did, if that’s what you’re wondering. Your father had eyes for her, not me.” You couldn’t help the bitterness in your voice. Nikolai flinched.

“You were rarely home– but I met you once, when we were both still small. That’s why I know your heartbeat. The only one of the Royal Family to have a good heart– not a sour one. It stuck with me, I guess you could say.”

“I don’t remember you,” he admitted, and you gave a small laugh. His blond hair was almost completely red now.

“I wouldn’t expect you to. You’re not the only one being tailored, Captain. The First Army can’t take me back if they don’t recognize me, now can they?”

“Are you listening?”

Nikolai’s voice broke you from your thoughts. He was sitting on the bed in his quarters on the ship. You stood between his knees, your hands on his face as you changed him back into Sturmhond.

“Mhm,” you hummed. You weren’t. This routine was something you could do in your sleep, and truthfully, you found your mind drifting off more and more whenever Nikolai required your assistance. It’s not that you found his company dull– quite the opposite, actually. But you didn’t want him to know that.

“No you weren’t,” he gave a small chuckle, one of his hands moving up to grab one of yours. He pulled it from his face as he intertwined your fingers.

“Nikolai,” you hissed, pulling your hand from his grasp. “Do you want me to mess up? I was in the middle of reforming your nose.”

He sighed, his hand falling back to his lap as you raised yours once more. You avoided his eyes, knowing you wouldn’t like what you saw in them.

Between the two of you, he was the more open with his feelings. For the past few weeks, he had continuously tried to corner you and get you to talk about whatever the two of you were. To try and figure things out. You had successfully avoided him thus far, but you knew you were dancing on thin ice.

It was only a matter of time before he recruited one of the twins to subdue you while he forced you to listen. You wouldn’t put it past him, and you knew for a fact Tolya would help him. Curse that hopeless romantic.

“You’re insufferable. And exhausting,” he told you as you grasped his chin gently between your fingers, turning his face this way and that to examine your handiwork.

“I know. You tell me quite often,” you remarked, nodding to yourself as you moved to focus your sights on his hair.

He sighed. Silence engulfed the two of you. It was almost smothering, full of unsaid words and the tension between the two of you. You were suddenly aware of how close you were to him– his knees caging you in as you stood between his spread legs. His face in your hands, his hands now on your waist.

“We keep dancing around this,” he said. You didn’t reply, choosing to focus more intently on the roots of his hair. “The whole crew thinks we’re sleeping together.”

That caught you off guard. You gave a snort, rolling your eyes. “Of course they do. You call me to your quarters in the night, every week. You always stare at me, especially when you think I’m not looking. And you’re handsy– you’ve always got a hand on my back or my shoulder or something.”

Nikolai chuckled. “Well, you’re one to talk. Every time you laugh at something I’ve said, you grab onto my arm and go ‘oh Sturmhond!’. And don’t act like you don’t stare, too.”

“I do not say ‘oh Sturmhond’,” you said, looking down at him. He grinned that same crooked smile.

“I know you’re thinking it. Probably thinking some other things, too. Like how you’d like to–”

“Shut up, or I’m going to give you a black eye.” You hissed, pulling his hair harder than you should’ve.

He laughed. “You wouldn’t. You like my face too much.”

“Im sick of it, actually,” you remarked. “I see it everyday.”

“If that were true, you wouldn’t be here.” He replied.

“You say that as if you’d let me leave. I’m the only tailor you’ve got.”

He shook his head. “That’s not the reason I wouldn’t let you leave, and we both know it.”

You dropped your hands as the last of his blond turned red. Your job here was done. There was nothing stopping you from bidding him goodnight and excusing yourself to your own cot. You knew he would drop it and let you go without another word, but you couldn’t bring yourself to say anything. You didn’t want to say anything.

“So now you’re keeping me prisoner?” You said, suddenly all too aware of his hands squeezing your waist.

“Maybe I am. At least until you admit you like me,” he said, and you scoffed.

“If I didn’t like you, I wouldn’t be here–” you began, but he cut you off.

“That’s not what I mean and you know it.”

He moved to stand. You tried to step back, but his hands on you kept you rooted to the spot. You looked up at him, heat rising to your cheeks. Your chests were touching now, and there were only inches between your lips and his.

“When are we going to stop playing this game?” He whispered, one of his hands moving from your waist to brush a strand of hair from your face.

“You like it too much to stop.” You retorted.

“I’d like honesty more,” he said, and you shook your head. “As much fun as playing cat and mouse is with you, I’m growing tired of chasing. And we both know you’re tired of running.”

His hands were on your hips as he swung you around the deck, a laugh on his lips as you clung to his shoulders. You couldn’t help but smile as he dipped you, your eyes meeting his. There were unspoken promises in his gaze– too many feelings, and you had to look away.

Others danced around you two as a few of the crew played some song you’d never heard on makeshift instruments. Laughter and conversation made it hard to think straight. Spirits were high– you’d all just succeeded in breaking through a Fjerdan blockade– and that called for a celebration.

“They’re all going to think we’re together,” you had told Nikolai as he grabbed your hand and pulled you to the dance floor. He had laughed, leaning in close to whisper “let them” in your ear.

He had kissed you for the first time that night, after the party had subsided and everyone was asleep but the two of you. You had been talking quietly, watching the stars and listening to the waves, and he had kissed you and you had melted.

“Nikolai..” you sighed, your hands moving to rest on his shoulders. “This isn’t a good idea.”

“I don’t care,” he told you, and his heartbeat was as steady as it had ever been.

“I do,” you told him, meeting his gaze. “You can’t play pirate forever. What happens when you go back to Ravka, back to your family? You can’t marry me. I’m nobody– not a princess, not a diplomat. I’m an escaped servant who knows too much and would be imprisoned or executed for escaping.”

“Privateer,” he corrected, and you rolled your eyes. “And I’m the second son– a bastard second son. I’m already a disgrace in their eyes,” one of his hands moved to the small of your back, his thumb rubbing circles into the fabric of your shirt. “I can’t disappoint them any more than I have.”

“It doesn’t matter what they think of you now, they still won’t let me anywhere near you.” You replied, and he shook his head.

“Why are we even talking about this?” He asked. “We’re not in Ravka. We’re in the middle of the ocean, and no one cares what we do.”

He was right. You were far from Ravka and his family and your pasts. You were someone new, and he was, too. You weren’t an escaped servant– you were Sturmhond’s first mate. You were his most trusted friend– besides the twins– and you were the one he wanted.

And you wanted him, too.

“I don’t care about details,” he said, his voice low. “I don’t care about families or consequences or rumors. I care about you, about that little smile you always get before you win at cards, about how you let me drag you onto the dance floor while the crew stares, and how you put up with me more than you should.”

You didn’t say anything, too stunned for words.

“I would do anything,” he began, his face slowly inching towards yours. “To dance with you again. To kiss you again. To not hide behind stolen glances and little jabs at each other.”

“Nikolai,” you murmured, your eyes flitting down to his lips.

“Yes?” He asked as your eyes found his once more.

“Just shut up.” You said, and you closed the gap between the two of you, your lips meeting his.

Maybe nothing he said would be true in the morning. Maybe he would realize this was all a big mistake, but you didn’t care.

He was right. You were tired of running, and you were so glad he was tired of chasing.

And as you kissed, that heartbeat that you’d remembered after all these years– that you’d always remember– soared.

And you knew he wasn’t lying.

#shadow and bone #shadow and bone fic #prince nikolai #nikolai x reader #nikolai imagines #sturmhond #nikolai lanstov x reader #nikolai lantsov #the grisha series #grishaverse #grisha triology #the grisha trilogy #the grishaverse #nikolai x you #prince Nikolai x you #sturmhond x reader #grisha!reader #heartrender!reader #genya safin #the darkling #paddy gibson #six of crows #sab netflix #shadow and bone imagine #nikolai lantsov imagine #nikolai lantsov fic

[kasagia]

Familiar flame

Pairing: Aleksander Morozova/General Kirigan/The Darkling x fem!Grisha! reader Summary: Aleksander lost his Y/N the day he created the fold. The king's soldiers killed his one true love in front of his eyes. His despair and anger led to the creation of a dark fold. After centuries, Aleksander meets a girl identical to his beloved… her reincarnation. Will he be able to restore your memories? Could he get you back after centuries of mourning you? Or maybe Aleksander finally lost his mind... Nonsense from me: This is request from @morrigan-crowmwell I hope that you like it! ♡♡ And I'm veeeery excited to write your next request! (and to publish it soon ♡♡) P.S. I'm sorry it took me ages again, luckily I'll have a lot more free time now, so I promise it'll get better. 😅 Warning(s): references to reincarnation; Aleksander misses the reader and can't resist her (even if she doesn't remember him); the reader is a bit hysterical; the reader behaves like a little child spoiled by Aleksander; the reader has Aleksander wrapped around her little finger, but he doesn't care; the reader has a panic attack and hyperventilation; de@th mentions; NOT CHECKED grammatically and so on - I wanted to publish it as soon as possible Word count: 9,4k Taglist: @aoi-targaryen @morrigan-crowmwell

"So many centuries on this earth, and you're still a naive, hopeless romantic. Tell me how do you do it, boy?"

Baghra taunted him without even looking up from her dinner. Aleksander growled, irritated by her lack of interest. He slammed his fist on the table, drawing the unfazed woman's attention to him.

"It's true, I saw her! It was her!"

"Aleksander... you must move on." Darkling snorted, jumping up as if burned from his chair. Baghra followed her son as he ran out of her hut, not giving up. If they both had something in common, it was their great stubbornness. "How many times have you seen this girl? You have to realize that she's not coming back. Y/N is dead, Aleksander. For hundreds of years."

"She is here! I danced with her month ago at the ball, you can't tell me I didn't because I remember her face perfectly. It is etched in my mind more permanently than any other memory."

"You wanted an answer to your question. Here it is. There is no such thing as reincarnation, the reappearance of someone on this world. We die once, Aleksander. Once and successfully. So whoever you met yesterday, even with a face that looks like her, is not Y/N. So you'd better leave the innocent girl alone."

The Darkling laughed bitterly, shaking his head. His mother would never see him as more than a small, quick-tempered, silly boy. He should get used to it after all these years.

"You think I'd come to you with this if she was just one of the faces like her? Me and my people have been watching her for a month now, ever since some snobbish nobleman's daughter came back to the palace and turned out to be the only woman I ever cared about in this saint-damn world. It must be her. I don't know how, why, and honestly, I don't care as long as it's really her. Neither should you - as far as I remember you cared for her more than for me."

"Aleksander. I know you loved her, but you have to let her go. People just don't rise from the grave." she tried to reason with him. But he knew better.

It must be you. Somehow the Saints took pity on his tortured soul and returned you to him, and he wasn't going to stay further away from you than necessary.

He will have you again in his life, arms, and bed.

No matter what he has to sacrifice to restore your memories.

"Just as they don't live forever, and yet we do." he growled as he mounted his horse and galloped back towards the Little Palace. He was in for a long night spent in his library, poring over books. If Baghra didn't want to help him, he would find the answer himself.

"You stupid boy..." Baghra snorted, shaking her head in disappointment.

Your death was both the worst and best thing for her son. You would never live as long as they did - your death would have come anyway, just in a less bloody way. Ordinary people were fragile, and their lives were shorter—one breath of Baghra or Aleksander equaled thousands of them. She had no idea why her son was so stubborn about getting you back, even though you were truly reborn. Aleksander would lose you again. Even he couldn't fight death itself and go against nature in such a matter... or so Baghra hoped.

The boundaries that Aleksander wouldn't cross in your name were practically nonexistent.

And she would be afraid of him more with you by his side - the most powerful Etherealki woman this earth has ever seen… a tribrid with the powers of Squaller, Inferni and Tidemaker.

~•♤♤♤•~

It all started a month ago.

Aleksander was at another of the king's balls, circulating among the generals of the First Army, trying to win their favor and consent to a slight modification of their plans. For his and Grishas' benefit, of course.

He would never have guessed that a conversation with General Petrova, the king's irritating, faithful soldier, would bring him more than a headache. It was usually with him that the Darkling had his greatest disputes during war councils.

However, while the general caused him the most trouble of all in the king's court, he was one of the few who respected the Darkling not for his powers, which instilled fear among other soldiers, but for the sake of his tactical, sound thinking.

Never in his life would Aleksander have thought that General Petrova's daughter would be a faithful doppelgänger of his long-dead beloved.

He was stunned as soon as he saw you enter the room.

Anywhere, even on his deathbed, he would have recognised that mischievous twinkle in your eyes whenever you were given full attention. You were a vision. Apparition. A fairy tale that was etched forever in his memory.

And he may have lived many lives, met millions of ordinary people and thousands of Grishas, but this face, the face of his loved one, whom he only met in his sweet dreams and darkest nightmares, had never ever flashed a second of his hundreds-year life. There were no humans even close to your beauty...

And then, after hundreds of years of sorrow, pain, and grief, he saw you again. He was again enchanted by your mesmerising eyes, your sweet, mischievous smile, your tempting lips... He let himself be lost for a while in the view of his beloved before questions started to cross his mind.

How? When? Who is she? From where? Could it really be you? Hundreds of years in pain, only for you to walk casually one day to one of the balls of a king whose ancestor killed you?

Aleksander didn't even notice when you approached him and General Petrova. But YOUR voice, his Y/N's voice, definitely brought him back into the world. Like a strong, vicious slap.

"Father. It was definitely too long." Aleksander almost broke down there. Being so close to someone who looked like you, hearing your voice again in REALITY, smelling the perfume so damn well know to him - the same one which made him lose his mind ages ago for you...

"General Kirigan. My daughter, Y/N. Y/N. General Kirigan, commander of the Second Army." your careful gaze finally met his. And Aleksander was gone.

Saints save him… even those bloody, fucking eyes he would die for were the same….

"It's a pleasure to meet you, General Kirigan." Aleksander couldn't do anything else but reach for your hand and kiss it—something he'd also dreamed of a thousand times, but in his dreams you only used his true, real name. "Your fame extends to the farthest reaches of Ravka. I am glad to see the legendary Darkling with my own eyes." Aleksander shivered as his title spilled out of your mouth. Not with mockery or insult or fear, but flatteringly, strongly… He had to control himself. It wasn't his Y/N… unless…

"I think these aren't very… flattering stories."

"You'd be surprised, General…" Aleksander could feel himself melting under her attentive gaze. The number of long-buried emotions overwhelmed him. And he himself felt his long-forgotten, dead, cold heart come to life again under each of your charming smiles, warm tone of voice, and enticing looks.

Now that he had had the opportunity to look at her more closely, he noticed all the (perfectly familiar) small details.

The way your hair was styled—so that a few strands stand out from your perfectly styled hairstyle, no long earrings, only small pearls that your hair would be harder to get into, delicate jewellery, not flashy like most women's, jewellery that instead of testifying to your wealth emphasised your beauty.

You seemed so familiar to him…

"Do you dance, General?" your question snapped him out of his mind about HIS Y/N.

He didn't dance on such occasions. Never. But he would be damned if he didn't try to find out how far your resemblance to his Y/N goes.

"If you wish, Lady Petrova." he replied with a charming smile, reverting to his image of a confident general of the Second Army.

"Please..." she grabbed his hand. The touch of her delicate skin against his rough made him shiver uncontrollably. He was putty in your hands... but he would be cursed if he let go, if he loses again the one thing that holds him firmly in this world. "Call me Y/N."

"Y/N." he mumbled, leading her to the dance floor. He gripped her securely around the waist, pulling her close enough to be considered appropriate. "I'm dying to see how this one's ends."

"Not only you… general." you peeked at him over those beautifully painted eyelids, biting your lips lightly. Reincarnation, doppelgänger, or real you, you always had to tease him, you always challenged him. And he was more than willing to play that game with you again… even if he wasn't holding his Y/N in his arms.

"Please..." he turned you around to pull you back to his chest. He smiled, remembering how those Y/E/C irises were the only thing that mattered to him hundreds of years ago… he marveled at how they still enchanted him. And having you in his arms again, so close he could smell your scent again… it made him dizzy. "Call me Aleksander." he whispered into your ear, getting close enough not to touch you but to feel the warmth of your cheek against his.

Was it wise to tell you his name? Absolutely not. Did he regret giving himself up to this moment? The answer came to him after a few seconds.

"Aleksander..." your soft whisper made him shiver. The old memories, the ones he tried to bury in his mind, the ones that were both sweetly blissful and devastating, came back to him. Foolish hope rose in him the moment your brow furrowed as if you, too, recognized the significance of what had just happened.

If he'd had any doubts before, he definitely knew now... he was cursed. And he didn't care enough to break this spell you put on him.

~•♤♤♤•~

"Y/N! Rise and shine, you lazy ass!" you groaned, covering your head with a pillow.

"Go away demon. It's too early for anything." you mumbled, snuggling into my comfy bed. You snorted in surprise when suddenly your friend threw herself on your bed and brutally tore the pillow off your head, laughing like a madwoman. "Y/F/N!"

"What have you been dreaming about?" she asked with a sly smile.

"About nothing." you muttered as you got out of bed and walked over to your closet to pick out your outfit for today.

"Yes? Is that why I found you grinning like a psychopath in love and mumbling someone's name? Is there some poor guy you finally like? Who could it be? A soldier? Maybe a nobleman?" you huffed in amusement as you walked out from the wardrobe.

"I haven't gone crazy yet. The world will burn before I voluntarily muzzle myself with marriage."

"Doesn't change the fact that someone caught your eye, does it?" she inquired with a curious smirk.

"Let's go, you hopeless romantic. I believe you dragged me out of bed over that very exciting tea time with the queen." you sighed, knowing full well that this meeting would give you a terrible headache.

"We're going to suffer together, sweetie. But cheer up. Genya will be there. You've liked her company lately, haven't you?"

"She's too good for these royal assholes." you replied, taking her arm and walking out of your room towards the palace gardens.

During that month, you quickly fit into the role you had to play at court. And thanks to your numerous travels, you managed to win enough favour with the queen to become a permanent member of her "group of snobbish noblewomen". You also met Genya, Grisha, an angel among the palace demons who was rather unpopular at court… well, at least not when the queen didn't need her Grisha's skills.

The meeting with the queen dragged on as usual, you couldn't help but wander your mind to your today's dream interrupted by Y/F/N.

"Aleksander!" you laughed, punching him lightly in the chest. "Stop teasing me."

"I don't do anything, milaya." he replied smiling innocently which made you snort. You crossed your arms and gave him a meaningful look.

You were in the little library at his house. (By the way, it's a miracle that he and Baghra found a place for their books in such a tiny hut.) You tried to get to one of the books on the upper shelves, but Aleks had other plans. He stood in front of you, and every time you stood on tiptoe to reach the book, he took the opportunity to grab your waist and pull you into a kiss.

"You do not?" you asked, trying to get to the book, but Aleksander caught your lips in a kiss again. "Aleksander!" you huffed, punching him in the chest with a laugh. "Your mother will kill me if I don't at least start reading this book." you complained, laughing at the smug man. He was so childish sometimes... You squealed as Aleksander suddenly grabbed your waist and pulled you close, burying his nose in your hair.

"I am more than strong enough to protect moya milaya from my bloodthirsty mother." he whispered, placing a tender kiss on your temple.

"Aleksander." you moaned as he moved his lips to your neck. You ran your hand through his hair, giving in to the feeling for a moment, until you remembered what you were supposed to do today. "How about a compromise?"you asked, taking his attention away from your neck for a moment.

"A compromise? And how do you want to negotiate your freedom, lapushka?"

"I'm not blind. I see you're clingier than usual today. Of course you won't let me out of your arms, which I can't really say I'm complaining about… But since I'm about to spend the rest of the day on your lap or in your arms, then you could at least read me the book Baghra told me to learn by heart." he was thinking, rubbing his nose against yours.

"I think I can accept it." you squealed in surprise as he picked you up bridal style, lifting you up so you could reach the book you needed. "But I reserve the right to give you some breaks. As your beloved I've got to make sure my little tribrid doesn't overwork herself." you giggled, making his smile of satisfaction only grow wider.

"What a good and caring lover you are, Aleksander." you teased, knowing full well what the study breaks were for… or rather, for whom.

"Have you ever doubted it?" he asked, raising an eyebrow, the sparkle of amusement in his dark eyes only made your mood more up. You loved seeing him so happy, carefree.

"No. Never." you whispered, kissing him with all your love and tenderness…

Such nonsense dreams have plagued you almost every time since you met the general. Visions of his younger self and yours, as if the two of you lived together hundreds of years ago. It also didn't help your plan that, for some strange reason, you felt this... attraction, this desire to be close to him.

You didn't know where your sudden fondness for the Darkling came from, but one thing was certain. You had to get rid of it. And that's before your father presents the king with plans to permanently disband the Second Army and return all the Grishas to the slave system. You couldn't give in to some stupid feeling towards their general... not when everything you and your father had worked for was coming to an end.

"Lady Petrova. You're surprisingly quiet today." the queen has distracted you from the thoughts that have plagued you for weeks. You put on your learned, polite smile.

"Forgive me, Your Majesty. I'm not feeling well today. I think I have a slight migraine, but it should pass soon, Your Highness."

"You look paler than usual… Genya, lady Y/F/N. Take lady Y/N to the healers." you had to do your best to keep the frown from appearing on your face. This old witch…

"Your Grace." instead, you bowed to the queen and walked away with the two women at your side. You didn't speak to Genya until you were sure you were out of earshot of anyone other than the three of you. "I'm fine, Genya. I just had to get out of there."

"Then I should thank you for saving me from there too." she replied with a smile as tired as yours. "But the queen was right. You looked a little pale earlier. Are you sure everything's okay? I can improve your appearance and cover up those little dark circles under your eyes if you want."

"No need, sweetheart. But if you somehow have power over dreams, it would be really helpful." you joked, knowing full well that Grisha are incapable of entering other people's dreams… though you doubted it after the general's face haunted you at night in those strange dreams.

"It would be great to be able to do that."

"Anyway, thank you, Genya. You can hide somewhere in the palace. You deserve some time off." the woman nodded to you and headed towards the Grand Palace, leaving you and Y/F/N alone in the gardens.

"Okay, what's the matter? What are you dreaming about that you can't sleep? And why are you hanging around Grishas and Darkling lately? You want to settle him down or something?" your friend asked annoyed. You looked around, making sure you two were still alone.

"I'm not going to settle him down. My father wanted me to take care of our strong, dark general. After all, what's the best way to steer a man who doesn't care about anyone but his people, than an affair with a pretty, nobel woman?" you asked with a cunning smile.

You preferred to keep your strange dreams to yourself… at least until you were sure it was just a stupid figment of your imagination and growing teenage crush on a dark general.

"I don't quite understand… so what exactly are you doing with him?" she asked, growing suspicious as you headed towards the Little Palace.

"It's just a game. I charm him with my beauty, spend time with him, and so on, which makes him less interested in the war, and I don't have to put up with my father's complaining about me finally getting married. I serve both Ravka and my own interests. Isn't it wonderful?"

"You'll get burned. Be careful with him. He's a Darkling. If he finds out…" she warned you, slightly scared. You snorted, shaking your head. You looked around one more time before whispering conspiratorially to her.

"Then what will he do to me? It's in his interest to keep our little affair as a secret, the dignity of a man and all that crap won't let him seek revenge openly - he'll only embarrass himself even more. I'm perfectly safe." you replied confidently as you left the gardens. You smiled. According to your plan, the general should leave his palace right now to meet the council. It was your job to make sure he didn't get there… well, at least not for the most part.

"If you say so… But you have to admit, even you, that he's hot."

"That's true... which only makes it more interesting..." you saw Kirigan coming out of the Little Palace with one of his loyal dogs by his side... Ivan or the other, you couldn't remember. You smiled slyly, sensing a good opportunity. "Excuse me."

You didn't waste any time. You immediately approached the general, inwardly triumphant with the smile he sent you as soon as he saw you… the grimace on his companion's face was also the reason for your good mood.

"Lady Petrova."

"General Kirigan. So you do occasionally leave the Little Palace."

"Indeed it happens sometimes." he smiles back at your teasing, keeping his distracting dark eyes on you.

"Then I can't pass up this opportunity to take you anywhere other than the path leading to the Grand Palace or the gardens. It's a beautiful day for a ride, don't you think? Perhaps you could accompany me?"

"Actually…"

"It's a wonderful idea. Ivan, could you get our horses ready?" the general interrupted his Girsha. You lowered your head, biting the inside of your cheek to keep from smiling victoriously. As Ivan passed you, you stepped closer to the general and turned your careful gaze back to him.

"He doesn't like me very much, does he?" you asked, catching the arm he offered you as you two walked to the stables together. "Your gruff companion." you added seeing his confused look.

The general snorted, placing his hand over yours, which made you shiver uncontrollably. You internally chastised yourself for such a… pathetic reaction to his little touch.

"Ivan is… specific." he finally replied making you chuckle.

"I saw the look he gave me when I took you away from him, like I was stealing his favorite cuddly toy." Kirigan snorted, which made you smile. You felt how your cheeks redden involuntarily at the sound of his laughter. "You don't have to always defend your people at all costs, General. Well, at least not in such a case." you replied with a smirk.

"Ivan is a good soldier and comrade… he can be funny once you get to know him."

"Then I guess you find volcra hilarious too."

"And maybe one or two of the queen's nobles." you gave him an offended look, placing your hand over your heart in a hurt gesture.

"Ouch. That's good that my company at least gives you some fun. It must be really hard to always be that grave, grumpy, dark general."

"Surely it can be lonely sometimes." his thoughtful, sombre statement ruined the fun atmosphere between you two.

For a brief moment, you could see the familiar twinkle of grief in his eyes before he hid it behind his mask of indifference. You knew that feeling. Especially after being transferred to different courts so many times. You had to master your emotions to perfection… especially the feeling of loneliness that was getting worse every day.

"Well, that's good that I have enough time to play a foolish, wayward, snobbish noble around you… maybe you won't feel so lonely, anymore." you joked, not knowing if you were saying it out of a duty to get close to him or from the depths of your completely lost and confused heart, which always acted like that near him.

"You're not the worst noblewoman I've ever met." the amused note returned to his voice, as did the twinkle of mischief in his eyes.

"Maybe you just didn't know me good enough?" you asked, stopping by the stables and letting go of his arm.

"Maybe..." he replied thoughtfully, not letting go of your hand.

You turned back to him. Your gaze lingered on your joined hands for a moment, until you shifted your confused gaze to him.

The moment your eyes met his, any questions you wanted to ask him escaped your mind. You could only stare blankly into his eyes. Somewhere in the back of your mind, you flashed an image of the younger Aleksander you dreamed of... the exact same one who was giving you an affectionate look like the general was doing now.

"Aleksander." you whispered, not even realising when the idea of saying his name popped into your head.

You were besotted, too mesmerised by the dark irises that stared at you like some saint, like you were all he ever wanted to look at for the rest of his life, to think of anything other than getting closer to him.

And the worst of it all was that you had no idea how you knew the smell of his cologne and why it reminded you of home, of safety. Or why he seemed so familiar to you…

"Yes, milaya?" you trembled. You knew he felt it; you knew he saw how you reacted to the nickname his younger version gives you every night in your dreams… and although it reminded you of something only a close person could say to their beloved, for the hell you didn't know what it meant or how he knew about it. But before you could answer something (or take the one little step that lasted between you and him to feel his lips on yours), Ivan arrived with your horses. "Thank you, Ivan." the general cleared his throat. You could tell by the tone of his voice that he wasn't happy about being interrupted either.

"General. Let me remind you that in two hours…"

"Postpone all my appointments. I'll be unavailable." you couldn't help but send Ivan a victorious smile from behind Kirigan's shoulder, which made heartrender wince. Aleksander turned to glance at you, and you gave him a nice, polite smile, making sure the flash of malice disappeared from your eyes. The man shifted his confused looks to Ivan. "I'll be back tonight. Lady Petrova needs an escort."

"Of course, General, have a nice trip."

"Thank you, Ivan."

You gave Grisha a fleeting glance and malicious smile before you and Aleksander left the palace grounds. Ivan has tried to stop the general from joining you more than once this month... he has failed miserably each time. Seeing Grisha grumpier than usual was another advantage of your quest... besides being with Aleksander.

"Wanna race?!" you shouted, not giving him time to answer as you galloped your horse along, laughing as the general chased after you.

~•♤♤♤•~

"Forgotten fountain in the middle of the forest? I didn't think you knew such romantic places, general." you said with a teasing smile as you dismounted from your horses.

"You find it romantic?" he asked, throwing an amused glance over his shoulder as he tossed out the branches in the fountain. You smiled, internally laughing at how the great general commanding the entire Second Army was preparing the atmosphere for your pseudo date.

"Oh, don't tease me. You know what I meant. It's amazing that with your work schedule you have time to wander around and find places like this."

"You do realize I have free time sometimes, right?"

"Rearranging figures on a war table is no leisure time, General." Kirigan snorted, shaking his head in amusement. You smiled as you walked over to the fountain to stand next to him. Only then did you see what was so amazing about her that the general brought you here. It was dedicated to the Black Heretic. "Wait… that's your ancestor's story, isn't it?"

"You know it just from those old pictures?" he asked, apparently impressed with your knowledge, to which you snorted indignantly.

"Of course. Every child in Ravka know his story... well, or at least they should. To be honest, I'm not sure how ignorant the other nobles are, but I hope they're not that bad after all. But I'm guessing you didn't bring me here for a history lesson, did you?"

"When I was a boy, I used to run away and hide here once I realised I was the descendant of the most hated Grisha in Ravka. I've come here to throw a coin and make a wish in the fountain that I could be anyone else."

"A dangerous wish." I murmured as I looked at the pictures on the fountain to avoid his scrutinising gaze. "You never know what fate may befall you. It may turn out that things weren't so bad after all." I replied, remembering all the stories of noblewomen I had the opportunity to know... not all of them lived wonderful, fairy-tale lives. At least not the ones with powdered bruises.

"I devoted my life to undoing the greatest sin of my forbear. But I never seen this as a solution. Only as a reminder of the problem. They always need someone to blame."

"Every story needs a villain." you replied, sitting on the edge of the fountain, facing the general. "Sometimes it happens that there are several of them in one, if we look at the matter from the perspective of someone else. So forgive me if I say that I don't consider your ancestor to be evil incarnate."

"Why wouldn't you?" he asked curiously, walking over to you and sitting across from you.

"Every coin has two sides. Maybe he created a fold; maybe he wanted more power, but no one ever told it from his side. Maybe he wasn't the only villain in this story. Also, I don't believe in a golden hero and a vicious villain fighting doggedly against each other. There are no pure black or white people; we are all grey in our own way." you said, dipping your hand in the water, playing with it, and making small waves with your hand movements.

You glanced at the general, noticing that he was closely watching as you played with the water. You furrowed your brow, not knowing what so interesting he sees in this childish behaviour.

"And how gray are you?" his question snapped you out of your thoughts. You shrugged, still running your fingers through the water.

"I think I still have a long way to go to find out."

"What if I already know?" you frowned as you looked at him, which turned out to be your worst mistake. His dark eyes were to be your undoing…

You felt it again. This need to be close to him, this bond between you and him that was formed from the moment your eyes met in the ballroom a month ago. You were supposed to be his undoing, the downfall of the great, black general... so far, he's been the one who's been messing with your mind effectively, making you doubt everything your father ever taught you about your superiority over the Grishas. And you played the role Kirigan expected of you, like a foolish, naive girl.

"And how would you know that?" you whispered, cursing yourself for the obvious weakness in your voice.

Kirigan placed his hand on yours, the one you used to lean on at the fountain. His touch sent that weird feeling into your chest and made you shiver uncontrollably again. You were losing control… and the worst part was that you didn't mind at all.

"I feel like I've known you and waited for you my whole life. As if you were long lost part of me, which finally came back." you couldn't get rid of that terrible feeling of déjà vu that came over you after his words.

Somewhere in the back of your mind and deep in your heart, you had the feeling—no, you were SURE—that you had been in this situation before. That he once held your hand, telling you that you were destined to be together and that the stars, fate, destiny, saints, gods, or whoever was watching over you were responsible for bringing your souls together.

But it was impossible. You didn't know him before, you couldn't. You've never been to the king's palace until now…

However, everything ceased to matter the moment he leaned in, crossing the short distance between you and catching your lips in a kiss.

You gasped in surprise, your only warning being his tighter grip on your hand, which you only noticed after his soft lips gently pressed against yours. However, you had the sense to return his kiss, deepening it just as you felt Aleksander about to pull away from you.

He grabbed your waist tightly with one arm, pulling you to him, but he never let go of his firm grip on your hand.

You groaned, sinking into the so damn familiar closeness of his body against yours, taking in every ounce of his warmth and scent. But it was his gentle biting on your bottom lip that made you forget anything other than his lips on yours and let yourself get completely lost in the moment. You took your hand out of the water, grabbing the back of his head to get as close to him as possible, when suddenly a huge wave of cold, chilly water splashed you.

You gasped, breaking away from Kirigan. You sighed as cool water dripped from your hair onto your already-soaked dress that was sticking to your skin. You shifted your confused gaze to the equally wet man in front of you, who stared at you with an incomprehensible, fascinated twinkle in his eye.

"What have just happened?" you gasped, glancing at the now empty fountain.

"Are you asking about our kiss or the fact that you just demonstrated tidemaker's abilities?"

"What? No. I can't be Grisha. I…"

"Have you ever been tested, milaya?" he asked softly, so calmly he almost managed to calm your frantically beating heart. But you couldn't shake the feeling of panic rising within you. All plans would go to hell if you turned out to be… one of THEM.

"You know perfectly well what it is like among the nobles. They would rather kill or throw away a child with such powers." you replied, marvelling at how you managed to sound cold and emotionless despite your growing fear.

Kirigan frowned, obviously dissatisfied with your ability to cover up your emotions. What you didn't know was that your eyes betrayed all your emotions to him. He'd stared at them for so long that it would be impossible for him now not to be able to read your emotions.

"Well… it's always better to know, isn't it?" you stared at him for a moment before you nodded uncertainly, swallowing nervously. You couldn't be Grisha. That… whatever happened, it couldn't be it. "May I?" he made sure, pointing to the sleeve of your dress. You nodded silently.

For a moment, the world stops. It's just you and the general, who, with unusual delicacy for him, rolls up the sleeve of your wet dress and uses his sharp-pointed ring to cut your skin.

You're both shocked and oddly excited to see the water gushing out and the hot fire coming from where he cut your skin. Suddenly, a wind rises around you, drying you both and blowing some of the leaves off the trees into the empty fountain. You freeze, feeling the dormant power coursing through your veins, which the general's touch awakens with incredible ease.

It's like he's bringing to life a version of yourself you don't know...

"You are a Grisha. Etherealki Tribrid to be precise." he says, breaking the silence between you. You raise your confused gaze back to him, noticing that he's still studying your face. Weighing, evaluating, expecting something, and having hope so clearly written in his dark eyes that for a moment you are at a loss for words.

"You… you don't seem surprised." you manage to get out of you. You are terrified of your weakness right now. But with the general staring at you with such... tenderness and longing, you're not sure which of you has put your heart in more danger. You just don't know what caused this sudden, overt display of affection for you.

"I felt your power. Only someone special could carry such a huge amount of energy. You and I are going to change the world, Y/N."

"But… I can't… no one can know about this. Please, Aleksander." you pleaded in a panic, gripping his hand tightly. "Promise me that this will stay between us. If my father finds out about this… if the court finds out… Please, Aleksander." the man was staring at you. Apparently, the prospect of having a tribrid in his army was too tempting for him to just forget what had happened here. You had to convince him otherwise. "Wouldn't it be better if it stayed between us? You could train me yourself. Secretly teach me how to use… this. Wouldn't it be better to have a secret weapon? Someone who can be summoned to the battlefield if needed and used as an element of surprise?"

"I don't want to use you." he growled, wrinkling his nose as he realized how sharp his words had come out. "I want you to be my equal, Y/N. But fine. We'll keep everything that happened here to ourselves. You'll come to my office every night so we can train."

"Every night? You want to cause a scandal, General?" you ask, regaining your ability to joke and banter.

For now, you hide all your doubts, fear and greyness that your life will change irreversibly in the back of your head. You allow yourself to get lost in the general's eyes for a while before returning to real life… before you have to decide what to do about the "Grishas case", knowing your newfound abilities now.

"Do you care?" you know what he's asking you, but he doesn't know how many different meanings his question has for you. And you're afraid that once he finds out about your plan against him and against his people, he'll stop looking at you with that... adoration in his eyes. Because, for some strange reason, you want him to look at you like that.

"No…" you replied, moving your gaze between his mouth and eyes. "I guess not."

~•♤♤♤•~

"I can't believe it! How did you know that was my favorite dish?!" I ask him after another grueling session of our training as he returns with a dinner brought to his door by servants.

"I have my ways." he responds, laughing as you practically pounce on the food ravenously. You didn't realize that using Grisha's powers was so… exhausting.

"Just like my allergy to the awful pollen that's out now, what particular, specific type of tea do I like, and what books do I prefer to read? What's next? Just hand me my favourite flowers and tell me it's pure case?" you laugh over your plate, glancing at him briefly. The general blushes slightly and clears his throat awkwardly. "Oh, Saints, you do have flowers for me, don't you?" you asked as a little smirk started to form on your face.

"It seems to you, vain little tribrid." you tremble at his words, and that sick feeling of deja vu follows you every time his damn dark irises pierce your soul. If he wanted you to go crazy, you're sure he was well on his way to making it happen.

Aleksander, on the other hand, stared longingly at you, searching for any trace of recognition in your eyes. How many times in those training sessions has he wished your memories of living with him would come back to you? He didn't know. Ever since he made sure you displayed the powers of virtually all ethereals, he's spent countless sleepless nights in his bed dreaming of the moment you'll whisper that damn nickname you love for him.

But nothing like that was coming.

Instead, he had to fight this urge to kiss you to death, to hold you forever in his safe arms where nothing could hurt you. He had to fight his longing for your slightest touch, your tender gaze, and the unconditional love you had. And with each passing day, he cursed himself for his inability to remember the life you two had spent together.

He was desperate enough to talk to his mother about it. He went to her as soon as he was sure it was really you to brag about his hunch and victory over her judgement. And complain about your innate ability to spite him and not remember him when he worked so hard to make it happen.

"If it's not her, then explain to me how she's already ruining all my plans and is getting on my nerves?" he asked, raising an inquiring eyebrow at Baghra.

"Just because you have a natural bad luck with women doesn't mean Y/N is back from the dead." she replied ironically, not even looking up at him.

"It is her. And when I prove it, forget about seeing her, because I won't let you."

"I'm not a spoiled child, General." you laugh back, snapping him out of his thoughts as cool water hits his chest. He raises an eyebrow at you, failing to keep an amused smile from spreading across his lips.

Saints, how he wants to kiss that malicious smirk off your alluring lips. But he has to be careful with you. He has to control himself. He can't lose you or scare you away now, not when he's so close to getting HIS Y/N back.

"You're definitely acting like one." he replies teasingly as he takes out the flowers hidden behind his back and hands them to you.

You sigh in shock before another heart-melting smile appears on your lips. You dip your nose in the flowers, and Aleksander tries to remember this moment forever. The silent hope that you will remember one of the many times he gave you those special flowers you loved bursts into unwillingness in his chest.

"Please, as if you don't like to spoil me…" you just reply teasingly, reminding him how fate was never on his side. It would be impossible for him to just get you back like that.

"I'd throw all the jewels in the world at your feet just to see that beautiful, wide smile spread across your lips." you tremble under his heavy, intent gaze, feeling him ignite that familiar, strange fire inside you, calling for him.

The answer to his confession just slipped out of your mouth as a whisper.

"You don't need jewels to make me smile like a fool in love."

Aleksander flinched as he recognised the words you said to him—the exact same words you used in response to his confession hundreds of years ago. You liked torturing him with it. Remind him of stolen moments with you in the woods, away from the king's men, his mother, and other envious people too scared of your abilities to see you as anything more than a dangerous monster. You loved throwing him into the past, while you stuck hard to what was happening now. At times like this, he promised himself that once he had you back, he would never let you go. He won't be that weak to let someone take you from him again.

You, in turn, watched him bewildered as another vision/memory flashed before your eyes. His warm lips on your wind-cold skin, his whispered promises in your ear as he held you close to him, his shadows dancing around you, shielding anyone from seeing you two.

That memory revived in your mind as the general's lips met yours.

Kissing him, enjoying the firm grip around your waist, you had those strange visions again. You were beginning to wonder if the general had seen through your cunning plan and decided to punish you by driving you crazy with these supposed memories.

But you didn't want to do anything about it. Not when he felt so good against you.

You kiss him greedily, tangling your hands in his hair and pulling him closer to you. He picks you up, placing you on his war table. Your hands travel up his shoulders to the buttons of his kefta and his to the strings of your corset at the back of your dress...

Just then, a loud knock interrupts you.

You laugh in disbelief that they're bothering you again. Aleksander smiles, biting his lip as he looks at you with amusement in his eyes. How he missed your sincere, carefree laugh.

"Go see what it is." you whisper to him as you slide off the table to stand on your own feet. Aleksander smirks mischievously and leans in to steal a kiss from you. You giggle as you push him away and whisper a softly "go".

You blush, feeling like a teenager caught kissing a boy. And you have a very strange feeling that this has happened before...

"Aleksander!" you squeal, laughing as quietly as you can. "Someone will see us!" you reprimand him by tapping him lightly in the chest.

"Only if you keep being so loud. Besides, how can you blame me for wanting to kiss my beautiful beloved after weeks apart?"

"Your secret beloved I would like to point out. Baghra and my parents will kill us if they find us here." you remind him, only smiling wider as his grip tightens around your waist.

"They'll have to go through my shadows first… that gives us enough time to escape."

"Well, well, what a cunning boyfriend I have. I like that plan of yours." I whisper into his lips, teasing him, as I move away each time he wants to kiss me.

"Y/N?" Aleksander's whisper and his gentle grip on my shoulder pulls me out of my memories. "Everything's all right?" he looks at you with concern in his eyes and something else, something like longing mixed with hope. You have no idea what it could be.

NO. I have strange visions of you where you love and need me more than anything in this world. I have dreams of a reality where it's just us, too busy loving ourselves to see anything else or care about all the problems in the world. And I have a feeling that I'm going to go crazy if you once again arouse in me that feeling of familiarity and fire that for some unknown reason cries out desperately for your slightest touch and affection. - you think.

"I'm fine, just thought of something. What did Ivan want from you?" I ask with a gentle smile.

"I have to go now. The First Army soldiers and my Grishas have reportedly gotten into some kind of fight. I need to investigate it."

You freeze, knowing full well what's going on. Your and your father's plan. Kirigan is about to get into the middle of a fight caused by the people of the first army (actually hired by your father's thugs). A fight with a general defending his people in the main role will start, which your father and the king are supposed to come across by "pure accident". You were supposed to let him get into your trap.

"I'll be back as soon as I can. Don't worry, it's probably some stupid skirmish." he assures you, but you know better. You know that once he goes there, he will be banished at best for suspicion of treason and wanting to start a rebellion - rumours your father is now spreading to the king.

Your brain screams for you to let it go. You were Grisha, but people like you would never accept you; you knew that. And the nobles would kick you out if they found out about your powers; it was safer for you to get rid of the general, the only person who knew about your abilities.

But your stupid heart already bled at the thought of putting Aleksander in danger and being the cause of his downfall—the thing you were supposed to be so proud of only a few months ago.

"Wait!" you scream, reaching for his hand before he steps away from you. You lost. You lost the war with the devil and sold him your heart and the soul he had anyway, since he kissed you at the fountain, since he started appearing in your dreams as a strange vision of an alternate world where you live with him as his. A vision you desperately wanted to come true. "Please don't go."

"Why?" he asks, placing his hands gently on your shoulders.

"I... you can't... trap... my father... and king... they..." you hyperventilate, tears welling up in your eyes uncontrollably, and an indescribably great feeling of unease seizes you, making it a huge challenge to take even the slightest breath.

Suddenly, all you hear is a buzzing in your ears. Slowly, your knees weaken, and you fall straight into the waiting arms of Aleksander, who looks like he's screaming something. You are enveloped in blissful darkness.

But before you lose your consciousness one thought runs through your mind.

What the hell did I did?

~•♤♤♤•~

You opened your eyes. It was dawn. You were in a clearing near some castle ruins. There were a lot of soldiers around you.

You slowly got up on your elbows and lifted yourself off the ground. You tried to push your way through the crowd of soldiers, but as soon as your arm was about to touch one of them, you felt yourself walking through it. You froze in place.

The sound of Aleksander's voice snapped you out of your daze. You walked forward, passing through the soldiers as you reached the stairs of the palace ruins.

It was a younger version of him, exactly the one you saw in your dreams. But this time it wasn't a pleasant dream. The love in his eyes was replaced by pure fear and fury.

You turned to where he was staring and gasped as you spotted a beaten, bloodied version of yourself held by one of the king's soldiers.

"Surrender. Or your girl will die." Aleksander stared at the younger version of you, trying to make eye contact with you, making sure you were still holding on to your life for him, despite the gruesome state you were in. "This one was brave. She was willing to die than reveal your hiding place. Fortunately, we got another, weaker one. Now, you better hurry before that bitch bleeds to death."

Tears began to form in Aleksander's eyes. He raised his trembling hands in surrender. You lifted your head with difficulty, watching him.

Then all hell broke loose. You set a soldier on fire and started a great fire. You tried to approach Aleksander and he came to you, but the soldiers around you were faster. One of them caught you; the rest kept Aleksander, who was struggling with all his strength, from rushing to your rescue and summoning his shadows. The soldier drew his dagger.

Your eyes and Aleksander's did not separate for a moment. Desperation and fear were reflected in his eyes, which met your gaze full of sadness and fear for his life.

"Aleksander, I love you-AGH!" you tell him when a soldier pierces your heart with a dagger in front of your beloved.

"Y/N!" Aleksander screams, tears in his eyes obscuring his vision at your last breath and your last look at him. He is overcome with rage, grief, and frustration so great that he can do nothing but scream.

His scream proves deadly. Deadly for his enemies.

His grief, desperation, and tremendous pain piercing his heart and seeing his beloved Y/N die raised within him a power so great that it covered the world in the darkness of his shadow.

And so the fold is born.

And Aleksander remains utterly alone in his darkness.

~•♤♤♤•~

You jump out of bed, screaming. You just saw yourself die... but it wasn't you, was it? It's just your twisted imagination. Aleksander couldn't... couldn't create the fold. The Black Heretic lived hundreds of years before you; it couldn't be true. It's just your sick imagination. You kept telling yourself.

You looked around the room, recognising that you were in the general's bedroom. You changed out of his black shirt, which you don't know who put you in, and left the bedroom in a hurry. You didn't know how Aleksander would treat you after he found out about your father's plan, and he certainly did after your panic attack in his war room. You also didn't want to risk getting caught in the general's chamber.

You were about to leave Aleksander's chamber, but someone's hand grabbed your arm tightly and covered your mouth. You tried to wriggle out of his attacker's grip, but in vain. Fortunately, the stranger let you go as soon as you entered one of the secret passages of the Little Palace.

You turned around, freezing as you came face to face with the woman haunting your dreams…

"Who are you?" you whispered in horror, recognizing the woman as the light from her torch illuminated her face.

"It doesn't matter. You need to get out of here as soon as possible." she grabbed your hand again in a strong, bruising grip, but this time you managed to pull away from her.

"Who the hell are you?! Why am I dreaming about you and some Aleksander?! How do I know you, Baghra?!"

"Hush for the saints! We're not far from his room." she tried to silence you, fearing that at any moment you would bring Aleksander back to his chambers here.

"Whose room? General's? What does he have to do with it? What the hell is going on here?!"

"Shut up you stupid girl before he comes here. I'm trying to save you."

"Saved me from what? I don't need a hero, thank you very much. All I want to know is why I'm having these fucking visions about you. Who are you? Why am I having some weird flashbacks about you from hundreds of years ago?" you ask, tired of it all, trying to finally get to the truth, whatever it may be.

"Aleksander was right… it's true. It's really you." she says in shock, eyeing you closely as you use all your powers in anger, summoning both fire, water and a light breeze in the deserted secret passage.

"Aleksander? Which one? Kirigan or some other? Answer me for the love of saints!" you scream at her, feeling like you're about to lose your mind at any moment.

"Child, there is only one Aleksander. My son. Aleksander Morozova. Black Heretic. General Kirigan and many other names he's taken since you died."

"What? What are you talking about? It's impossible, a Black Heretic lived hundreds of years ago… wait. Since I died? What do you mean by since I die?" the vision you just had haunts you again. Your blood, Alexander's screams. Screams of people turned by his grief, anger and rage into volcra as he creates a fold...

"You real name is Y/N…"

"BAGHRA!" Aleksander's furious scream echoes through the deserted corridor. He walks over to me faster than I can blink and stands between me and his supposed mother. "Go away."

"Aleksander..." she begins in a serious tone, but one dark look from the general keeps her silent. Never, not even during their worst quarrels, had he dared to oppose her so openly, so hostilely.

"I said... Go. Away." Baghra looks at you. Half in disappointment, half in fear, knowing full well the reason why her son is ready to use his shadows on her.

She lets go. This time. She knows full well he can't bring back your memories anyway. Or at least she hopes so.

Shee leaves you alone in a dark corridor. Aleksander slowly turns to you and reaches for you, but you pull away before his fingertips even try to touch you. He freezes. He watches you fearfully, afraid of what Baghra might have told you to make you so disgusted by his small touch.

"Don't take a step further. Why do I know you? Why did YOU know me before anything started between us? What the hell is this all about?!"

"Y/N... you need to calm down." he tries to calm you down as he sees you gasping for breath again. He reaches out to touch your cheek tenderly but you jump away from him. The fire begins to slowly circulate around your hands as you unknowingly summon it.

"DO NOT TOUCH ME! Who are you? Who are you to me? That's true? Are you a Black Heretic? What is going on here?!" you scream, you feel an indescribable power flowing through you that you are unable to control, a flood of emotions floods your mind, and your powers go out of control as a great wind rises and the corridor begins to slowly fill with water. The fire in your hands grows bigger, more alive, more uncontrollable.

"My milaya, please... try to calm down for me." he says, taking a step towards you with his hands up so you can see his every little move, every attempt to touch you.

"What am I?" you whisper, your tears flow freely, the water begins to rise faster and faster, the wind is so great that it blows both his and your hair and his black kefta in all directions, and the living fire from your hands prevents him from approaching you without risk of burning himself. But Aleksander doesn't care.

He wades towards you through the water that comes up to his hips and cups your face with both hands, forcing you to look him in the eyes. As soon as his skin touches yours, everything stops. The wind stops blowing, the fire disappears, and the water stops at a constant level. It is quiet. Eerily silent as you stare at him in a daze, tears dripping from your eyes into the makeshift river you created in the hallway.

"You know who you are. Just reach for it. Please, come back to me, Y/N Y/L/N. Moya milaya, moya lapushka..." he pleads, resting his forehead against yours.

You close your eyes. The flood of vivid memories makes your head hurt, but as soon as all the images are gone from your eyes, you open them to look into those familiar dark irises that pierce through you. And you cry with relief, finally knowing perfectly well how you know him, why you associate him with home, peace, love, unconditional devotion.

"Sasha?" you whisper, afraid you've gone completely insane, that it's all a nasty, twisted figment of your imagination.

And Aleksander sighs with relief hearing that damn diminutive he missed so much.

"It's me. My beloved Y/N. My life. My Light. My tribrid. You are finally here." he takes you in his arms as tears flow freely down your cheeks. You snuggle into him, your nose brushing his neck as you inhale the damn good smell of his perfume. Aleksander buries his nose in your hair, trying to hold back tears as he trembles uncontrollably. He finally had you. After hundreds of years, months of torture where he had you at his fingertips but couldn't touch you properly, you were finally with him. "Eya fyela chi." he whispers in old Ravkan, making you laugh in relief.

"I love you too, Sasha. I promise I'm not going anywhere anymore. Nobody and nothing will take me away from you."

"Brave of you to think I'd let you go anywhere. You stay by my side. Forever. I won't waste such a wonderful gift from the saints, my little flame." he says, kissing your temple.

You shiver for the first time enjoying the familiar feeling of love and warmth that comes with this tender gesture, often repeated by him in the past.

He leaned in, catching your lips in a passionate, long-awaited kiss. And you couldn't do anything other than enjoy the taste of his lips on yours and how you could create new memories with him without the old ones attacking you with every touch he made. You are no longer an intruder in your own body. And the unknown fire calling for him turned into the familiar flame of love.

#aleksander morozova x reader #aleksander morozova x y/n #aleksander morozova #general kirigan #general kirigan x reader #the darkling #general kirigan x you #darkling shadow and bone #darkling #the darkling x reader #darkling x reader #the darkling x you #shadow and bone #angst #love #oneshot #kasagia #aleksander kirigan #kirigan x reader #baghra morozova #lost love #angst and fluff #darkling x y/n #darkling x you #reincarnated lovers #reincarnation

[mmgwritings]

UNKNOWN / NTH

Characters: Kaz Brekker / Sun Summoner ! Reader

Prompt: when alina starkov fails to destroy the fold, kaz brekker discovers the true power of the saints.

Warnings: angst, canon divergence, shadow and bone season 2, main character death, definitely didn't proof read, kaz suffering, fjerda sun summoner.

The nichevo'ya bore down upon us and Sankta Alina was struggling to wield her power while shielding the group from the volcras. Waves of terror swept over us when the screeches of the volcras echoed around in the dark. Beside me, Jesper whispered curses as he loaded more bullets into his pistols and Wylan knelt down to search for more gunpowder in the bag.

"Got everything we need, Wylan? We're not going to a picnic, you know" Jesper quipped, a nervous grim in his face. "We're definitely going to die"

Then, the nichevo'ya breached Alina's protection with the Darkling behind them. Inej, quick as lightning, drew her sword "neshyenyer" and sprang into action. With the blade gleaming in the dim light she enganged the shadow monsters in a fight which each swing of her sword was precise.

Y/N didn't wait and started shooting at the shadows. Jesper's pistols were also aimed and ready. He stood at the forefront of the remains of the First Army, with King Nikolai at his side, shooting and desperately trying to get a clear shot amidst the chaos of battle.

Nothing was working. It seems that don't matter how hard we fight the darkness didn't falter, and then, as if and overwhelming force had descedend upon us, Alina's light protection crumbled completely. We were now exposed to all the horrors of the Fold.

"Come on, run!" screamed Nina. She grabbed my hand and pushed me through a door in the fortress as the battalion scattered, desperately seeking refuge in other rooms. Jesper, Wylan, and Kaz ran close behind us, with Zoya supporting Nikolai's injured side and Mal dragging Alina.

We entered a training courtyard, with the remnants of the battle between the Darkling's Grisha and the First Army still visible. Volcra dragged the bodies of the fallen and descended from the skies in droves. The place was engulfed in chaos, and the sounds of combat reverberated all around. A volcra swooped over our group, seizing one of Nikolai's soldiers. His screams faded into the darkness.

"We're too exposed here!" Kaz shouted as he began striking his cane against the old door lock, which gave way without much effort. "Let's go, get inside!"

Kaz led us through a series of corridors, candles still burned and provided a faint glow to guide our way. The air was heavy with tension, and the sounds of death echoed from outside.

In a small, dimly lit room, we finally regrouped. Mal and Alina were gasping for breath, their faces pale, while Nikolai's wound was tended to by Zoya and Nina. Kaz was busy devising a plan, the gears of his mind turning even in the midst of chaos. Jesper and Wylan stood ready, pistols and bombs in hand, guarding the entrance.

Alina, even though visibly shaken, looked at each of us with fierce determination. "We may be cornered, but we're not done yet," she declared. "We fight, and we survive. This is not how our story ends."

"Well, whatever your plan is, Sanka, you'd better make it quick," Kaz said coldly. He had never believe in saints; this wouldn't be the moment. "You have amplifiers, don't you? Why aren't they working?"

Alina paled. "Mal... Mal is the third amplifier. Baghra told me that only with his death will I have enough power to destroy the Fold." A heavy silence settled in the room.

Alina would have to kill Mal, the man she loved. Y/N had always known that a Grisha's powers were cursed. She was born in a village in Fjerda, raised under the belief of Djel, but saw her world shattered when she discovered her powers. For her sins, for her curse, her family was murdered by the villagers. In a last desperate attempt, her sister handed her over to a Kaelish slave trader, which is how she ended up in the pleasure houses of Ketterdam.

Y/N had suppressed her powers since then, rarely using, and no one knew about them... no one except Kaz Brekker, the man who set her free. Kaz needed a spy, and she was perfect for the mission. Years later, Y/N was still working for Kaz — murdering for Kaz.

Kaz discovered Y/N's sun summoner powers by chance when a mission went awry, and they needed to escape. SHe had to blind two of their pursuers from the stadwatch and for the first time, she feared Kaz. She thought he might sell her, turn her over to Ravka, or auction her off to the Drüskelle.

But that day never came. He never spoke a word about Y/N being Grisha, never asked her to use her powers... and that was how she began to fall in love with Kaz.

Alina's eyes welled with tears as she looked at Mal, her voice trembling. "I know, but I can't bear the thought of losing you."

Mal reached out, gently wiping away her tears. "We've faced so much together, Alina. This is just one more sacrifice we must make for the greater good."

Kaz, still resolute, added, "We don't have much time. We have to make a plan"

Tears streamed down Alina's face as she nodded, knowing the weight of the decision they had to make.

That's not fair, i thought. And, as she was capable of reading my mind, Inej, who had been quietly listening, spoke softly, "Life isn't always fair, but the choices we make define us. We'll support you, Sankta Alina, no matter what you decide."

Zoya, her expression soft, added, "It's a hard choice, but it's one that could save countless lives. Or, maybe we can find a way... Nina, how fast can you cure him?"

Nina, her face filled with concern, replied, "I'll do my best, Zoya, but it might take time. We can't afford to wait too long."

The room was filled with a shared sense of determination as they began to explore every possibility, but we didn't have time. Outside a cry pierced the air. It was the Darkling, leading the charge of the dark forces.

It won't work. I realized this just by looking at the determined way Alina gazed at Mal – she would never sacrifice him to save the world. She's not capable, just like Nina isn't capable of healing him in time. Mal would have to die, and Alina couldn't be the one to kill him.

"Maybe there's another way" I whispered.

Inej, her eyes filled with hope, asked, "What do you have in mind?" at the same time that Kaz a loudly "No"

My voice gained a touch of determination as I responded, "We can't let Mal die, but we also can't let the Darkling win. We need to find a different source of amplification, something that doesn't involve taking a life."

Confusion hung heavy in the room as Kaz stepped forward, his face masked by controlled fury. "You're not going to," he said "I'll not allow it"

"It's not your decision to make, Kaz," I replied, my tone resolute.

Kaz's eyes bore into mine, a battle of wills silently raging between us. "You can't expect me to stand by while you kill yourself."

"Believe me, that's not my intention," I said with a sly smile. But smiles never fooled Kaz. He know me, perhaps the only person in the world who truly know me.

We're complicated people, each with our own traumas, but over the years, we've learned to share some of our past. Kaz told me about Jordie, the farm, the con and I told him about fjerda, the blood, the slavery.

Once, at the slat, on a rainy night, Kaz's expression softened slightly as he said "We've both carried our burdens, but it's made us who we are. It's what's kept us alive in this unforgiving world."

We became friends, confidants, and slowly, we tried to be something more. He can't stand being touched, and I can't stand being seen — two of the most broken people in the Barrel, trying to shed their armor.

In the quiet of that rainy night in the Slat's office, we dared to be vulnerable. Kaz's gloved hand hesitated, almost touching mine, as if testing the boundaries of his aversion to contact.

I whispered, "Kaz, it's okay. You can trust me."

He looked into my eyes, a storm of emotions flickering in his gaze, but he didn't pull away. His gloved hand met mine, the moment felt like a breakthrough, a chink in the armor we had built around ourselves.

In that fragile connection, we found solace in each other's company, knowing that we didn't have to be alone in the darkness of the world.

I let the memories fade away. Kaz was standing in front of me, shielding me from the eyes of the others.

"I have to do this, Kaz. You know that," I whispered, moving closer to him, my hand softly touching his fingers.

Kaz, his gaze unwavering, finally nodded in reluctant agreement. "I know, but it doesn't mean I have to let you go alone"

Dread coursed through my body when I realized that Kaz was going with me. If I couldn't make it, he would end up dying with me.

"No, you're staying here," I said, but Kaz simply turned his back and began giving orders to Jesper and Wylan to prepare reinforcements. "KAZ!" I shouted, panic-stricken. I ran over and stood in his way, and I did something I had never dared before – I held his face.

"You're not going alone, Y/N" he said, his eyes locked onto mine, "If you go, I'm going with you."

I removed my hands from Kaz's face when I noticed he was turning pale. Jesper, like everyone else, was confused, so he said "I'm not sure what's happening."

I couldn't explain further because, at that moment, a terrible noise descended upon us. Something was tearing the door apart. We all rushed towards the other exit leading to the hill. The Darkling's nichevo'ya circled the grass like vultures, destroying any form of life. Nikolai, Mal, and Jesper began firing their pistols.

Then, he appeared. The Darkling was still handsome, even with his face partially marred by the corruption of merzost. His eyes blazed with fury as he spoke to Alina.

"You can't escape me, Alina. Your powers belong to me, and you will give them willingly or by force."

Sankta Alina, her voice filled with defiance said "I'll never willingly give you anything, and you'll never control me again."

She then attempted to strike him with a beam of light, but it was strangely weak. When it hit the Darkling, he absorbed the light as if it were nothing.

A twisted smile appeared on the herege face. "You see, my little saint, you can't fight destiny. Your powers are mine to command."

Sankta Alina couldn't do anything to stop him. Y/N had to intervene while the Darkling believed he had everything in his grasp.

She looked at Kaz and whispered a "I'm sorry" with a small smile o her face, one that Kaz knew it was filled with sorrow.

Kaz expression hardened, he simply nodded and said, "Just make it count."

Y/N, being more experienced in sun summons than Alina, definitely didn't need an amplifier to perform the cut.

With confidence born of her expertise, Y/N channeled her power, a blinding ray of red sunlight cutting through the room and striking the Darkling. He let out a searing scream as the light consumed him, writhing in pain. It was a scream of pain and surprise. As the rest of the world, he believe that existed only one sun summoner.

The room was filled with a blinding radiance, and for a moment, it seemed like the Darkling's corruption might be purged. But as the light dimmed, his sinister form slowly re-emerged, and it became apparent that the battle was far from over.

"Alright, let's see how strong you are," Y/N said as she unleashed waves of light upon the nichevo'ya.

The nichevo'ya screeched in agony as they were engulfed by the brilliant light, their dark forms dissipating in its radiance. In the midst of the battle, the Grisha and first army all rallied behind her, recognizing that Y/N's power might just be the key to turning the tide against the Darkling's forces.

The sky crackled with energy as she fought the darkness. Y/N unleashed all her power, releasing every ounce of her strength, and gradually, with bursts of radiant lightning, the Fold dissipated. Volcras burned and plummeted from the skies.

Volcras and nichevo'ya fell one after the other, their malevolent forms vanquished by the searing light.

Y/N's power illuminated the battlefield, then, as a final blow, Y/N performed the cut, unlike the initial one which was merely to test the strength of the heretic. This one was hot, sharp, and incredibly potent.

But it wasn't enough. Remnants of the Darkling's cut hit her chest. She fell to the ground, struggling to breathe, her chest burning.

In her most haunting nightmares, Y/N is always alone when she die. Typically, it begins with a startling realization that her demise is finally upon her. She feel her heart struggling to keep beating, even under the weight of a perfectly aimed dagger. The cries of my family have faded into silence, and Y/N, like any other ordinary person, is capable of facing death.

But this time, everything feels too vivid, too different, as if a new nightmare is taking shape. She taste the metallic tang of blood in her mouth, choking and bringing tears to her eyes. Strangely, she don't experience any pain; in fact, she doesn't feel much of anything except an intense cold, even though the sun shines brightly above.

What makes this new nightmare the worst is his presence.

Kaz looms above Y/N, his brown eyes hidden behind unshed tears. His voice sounds muffled, as if speaking from beneath murky waters. He speaks in desperation, making threats and offering impossible promises... promises about love.

Y/N, gasping for breath, managed a weak smile. "Not... on your... watch."

Kaz, his usual mask of indifference cracking, held her hand tightly, his gloved fingers trembling. "You better not."

But Y/N wasn't feeling the warmth of his hands and breathing was becoming a difficult task. Blood coated her mouth, and her vision blurred as Kaz's face slowly faded from focus, Nina was by his side, trying to tend to the gaping wound in Y/N's chest.

Nothing seemed to work; there was some kind of dark poison, a residue of the Darkling's merzost, in her body preventing the wound from closing.

Y/N loved Kaz's eyes; often, they couldn't lie as convincingly as his words. It was through Kaz's eyes that she knew. Kaz couldn't hide the worry and helplessness in his gaze. For the first time, he wasn't able to find a solution to the problem at hand, and it weighed heavily on him.

It didn't hurt, it wasn't tumultuous at all.

Yet, it was bittersweet to know that someone who had never believed in saints, who had never begged, and who had never touched another person for fear of the dead, had done all of that for her.

For the first time that year, the sun shone in Ravka, but when Y/N opened her eyes, winter was closing in around her.

In the distance, an ash tree stood tall, beckoning like an invitation.

#mmgwbrekker #kaz brekker imagine #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker x you #shadow and bone #six of crows #kaz brekker #ineje ghafa #jesper fahey #wylan van eck #alina starkov #mal oretsev #malina #the darkling #darklina #nikolai lantsov #zoya nazyalensky

[myhairpintrigger]

Grieving for the Living (Aleksander Morozova x fem!reader) Part 3

The entirety of a capricious and treacherous marriage between the Darkling and the Lantsov princess.

read previous parts here!! part 1 part 2

-

just wanted to say thank u to everyone sending me hate, me & my girlfriend get a giggle out of it. i also want to say thank u to all the cute messages and comments too!!! also i hope everyone that celebrates had an amazing christmas yesterday, and if u don’t celebrate, i hope u had a spectacular monday (do those exist? idk) SENDING LOVE!

word count: 9.7k

warnings: nothing going on here that isn’t necessarily canon. there’s like one part where puking is mentioned. again, i’d be remiss if i didn’t remind u that there are examples of an unhealthy relationship and to read at ur own discretion

taglist: @il0vebeingdelulu @mellowarcadefun @budugu @eir964 @arwensloanebarnes @marytvirgin

-

“Lots of different precious metals and crystals have different properties. Many cultures believe that precious stones can be healing, in many different ways, take quartz for example…” David, a Durast who was close to your husband, read to you from one of his books and spouted off little facts that he knew about… crystals? You weren’t entirely sure, you were only half listening. 

Your husband had left the two of you alone in his carriage while he got out with a handful of his other Grisha to track down whoever. At this point you weren’t sure. David could tell that you were nervous, and he began to read from his book, telling you that it often calmed him down when he read. The air inside the carriage was somewhat warm and you had shed the cloak your husband insisted you wear and instead had it laid out over your lap like a blanket. 

You peeked out the window every few seconds until you heard David clear his throat.

“Princess, if I may suggest something.” 

You looked up at David and blinked a few times, “Yeah, go ahead.” You mumbled and then lowered the small curtain on the window. 

“I just think that you shouldn’t keep looking out the window. Someone might see you, someone dangerous perhaps?” It sounded more like a question, and you gathered that David wasn’t very authoritative. 

“I’m just anxious, that’s all.” You mumbled and sat back in your seat, twisting your fingers in the fur along the edges of the cloak on your lap. 

And it was true, you were anxious. Anxious that someone was going to get in and hurt you and David, anxious that your husband was going to get hurt, anxious about being away from home, everything. 

“Nothing to worry about, Your Grace, The General wouldn’t let anything happen to you. We were briefed before we left, and The Darkling was very clear. We are to protect you at all costs.” David explained, “He also said-“

You wouldn’t get to hear what David was going to say, because he was cut off by an ear splitting explosion not far away. 

You let out a yelp, and David lunged toward you awkwardly to shield you with his kefta. When nothing else happened, he slowly pulled away from you and you stared up at him, your pulse racing.

“What was that?” You asked and yanked the curtain away from the window. You peered outside but your line of sight was poor due to the carriage’s position. People screamed and were scrambling around, and you could see a couple Grisha, but you couldn’t see your husband.  Panic swiftly gripped you and you stood up and let out a little grunt, pushing the door open. 

“Princess y/n!” David screamed after you, “y/n, don’t!” He called, but you ignored him and pushed through a small crowd of people. 

You scrambled through a few more small groups of people and you scanned the area for your husband, still unsure of what had just happened. There were no longer any Grisha in their brightly colored keftas remaining in the area and you took a step forward before arms wrapped around you from behind, yanking you backwards violently. You screamed and you tried to squirm away, but you were being easily dragged backwards. You tried to claw at your captor’s hands, but couldn’t with your gloves in the way, and you looked down to your waist to see a pair of purple clad arms. Relief washed over you in a thousand-foot waves when you realized it was only David and you stopped struggling. You allowed the awkward Durast to pull you back to the carriage and once both of you were inside, then slammed the door and he stood in front of it. Surely, he was trying to be menacing; authoritative, but he really just looked as startled as you. Authority and toughness seemed out of place on David. You let out a pent up sigh and you sunk down on one of the seats in the carriage. 

“He’s not out there. What if something terrible happened?” You asked nervously, wringing your gloved hands together. 

“He is fine, Princess. I guarantee it.“

“How can you be so sure?” You asked, laying your fidgeting hands in your lap, trying to calm yourself. 

“Because The General is a smart man, Your Grace, and a determined one at that. He will do anything to return to you.” David said, his voice serious. 

This did more to calm your nerves than his entire book of crystals and you found yourself leaning back against the wall, a long sigh escaping your lips. You were still worried, and that wasn’t going away anytime soon, but you were able to somewhat relax in the carriage. David didn’t begin reading from his book again, at least, not out loud. He flipped through it silently on his own, reading faster than you had ever seen anyone read before. You closed your eyes and leaned your head against the side of the wall, counting down from one hundred in your head to pass the time. Once you had gotten one hundred down, you started again, this time from one thousand. You were only about halfway through when you grew bored and opened your eyes again. 

You glanced over at David who was still leafing through his book and you reached down and grabbed your cloak off of the floor. You laid it back over your lap like a blanket and smoothed it out meticulously before clearing your throat. 

“So,” you began, tapping your fingers against your leg absentmindedly, “What exactly do you do, David?” You asked the boy, trying to pass the time with conversation. 

“I make things.” He replied, slowly tearing his attention away from his book, “I made your wedding rings, you know. The General didn’t want the ones the King and Queen were offering up. Said they were too gaudy.” 

You looked down at the little bump in your glove over your wedding ring and you hummed once, wiggling your finger a bit, “It’s very pretty.” You commented and David shot you a very small smile.

“Didn’t take me too long, just something easy.” He said bashfully, trying to play off his flattered smile as if the compliment wasn’t a big deal to him. 

You smiled too, “Will you read me some more of your book?” You asked and pointed to the book in his lap. 

The Durast gave you a nod and he looked back down at his book. He began to read from it in a quiet tone and you laid your head back against the wall. You weren’t really listening, but his voice was something to hear in the background while you tried to relax. You closed your eyes after a while and pulled the cloak up around your arms much like a blanket and you shifted a bit to get yourself comfortable. You felt drained and you tried to clear your mind as best as you could until David’s voice was only a faint hum in the back of your mind. 

You had hardly even noticed that you’d fallen asleep, but at some point David must have noticed because he stopped reading aloud. Your sleep wasn’t overly satisfying, but it was enough to keep you distracted from being worried about your husband. You weren’t sure how long you had been asleep, but the carriage around you had gotten a bit colder than it had been earlier in the night and you shivered, pulling your legs up onto the seat with you the best you could , garnering minimal relief. The relief didn’t last long, though, because the doors to the carriage swung open, startling you awake. 

“Oh! Hello!” 

Both you and David turned to see a man in a long coat wearing a hat standing outside the doors. David scrambled to his feet and he clumsily threw his book at the man before he grabbed you by your arms. By using his own weight as leverage, he tossed you towards the door and you let out a loud yelp, barreling through the doors on the opposite side of the carriage. You practically somersaulted down the one step into the carriage and rolled out onto the gravel with a loud oof. 

Your hands skidded across the gravel and you were thankful for the gloves your husband told you to wear. You’d landed awkwardly on your stomach and looked up just in time to see David stumble out of the carriage as well, only to be knocked in the head by a dark haired man with a cane. David fell to the ground unconscious and you gasped, scrambling to your knees. 

“David!” You cried, crawling over to the unconscious Durast on the ground. You gaped up at the man who had hit David and he stared back at you, dusting off his sleeve. 

“He threw a book at me!” The man from the other side of the carriage had crawled through the open doors that you had just fallen-no, been thrown- out of, and he tossed David’s book aside. As soon as he looked down at you, he snapped his fingers and pointed, “You’re- you’re the princess of Ravka!” He exclaimed, and the man next to him with the cane raised his eyebrows. 

You looked between the two of them before you let out a loud, forced peal of laughter, “Not me!” You exclaimed, clumsily rising to your feet, “I’m certainly no princess.” 

The man with the hat shook his head and he grabbed the man with the cane’s shoulder, “No, no. You are the princess. I saw you at the fete! In the courtyard!” He snapped his fingers again and shook the other man’s shoulders, “saints! With The Darkling! She’s his wife!” He practically shouted, shaking the other man still. 

The man with the cane reached up and brushed his hand off of his shoulder and he raised his eyebrows, “You’re sure?” He asked, his eyes scanning you as if looking for anything to confirm the accusations. 

He had dark hair that hung in his eyes and he was tall, not taller than your husband surely, but still quite tall. His lips were pressed together in a perpetual sneer and he leaned against his cane dependently. He wore a long coat that dangled around his ankles and thick leather gloves. 

“Yes! I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life, Kaz, that’s her!” The other man raved, and you wondered if he was going to start jumping for joy by the look on his boyish face. 

The man with the cane- or Kaz, as the other man called him- seemed to think for a moment while looking at you before he gave the other man a short nod, “Get her in the carriage, then. I have an idea.”

You took a large step backwards as the man with the hat nodded and you held your hands out, “No, really, you are mistaken, I’m no princess!” You insisted, backing up slowly as the two men took steps towards you. 

“Really? Because you aren’t Grisha. If you were, you’d be wearing a kefta. You aren’t a simple citizen, look at your clothes.” The man called Kaz reasoned, his voice low, bordering a whisper nearly. 

You watched them wildly as you backed up. David wasn’t able to help, and there were no other Grisha in the area, your husband was nowhere to be found, so you had to be smart about your escape. You had never been in a situation where you had to think like this, and in such short time, too, so you did the only thing that came to mind in that moment. 

You let out a scream that could’ve curdled the blood of anyone nearby and you took off running towards the nearest building, only stopping screaming when you had to breathe, and then you started back up again, hoping to grab the attention of anyone nearby. You heard footsteps behind you and you kept running, still screaming like you belonged in a madhouse. 

It was a pathetic idea, really, and probably one of the worst ones you could’ve come up with given your circumstances, but it seemed to do the trick. You rounded a corner and pressed yourself up against the wall of a stone building. You put a hand over your chest, struggling to catch your breath, and you leaned your head back against the wall. Your heart hammed against your rib cage and you very slowly peered around the corner. No one was chasing you, and in the distance, you could see the carriage was gone. The only thing left was the lump on the ground that could have only been David. You panted like an overheating dog  and you pushed yourself away from the wall and began to walk out towards David, when a hand caught your wrist and yanked you backwards. You let out the beginning of a scream, but a gloved hand clamped itself over your mouth, and you spun around to see your husband.

You shoved his hand away from your mouth and you threw yourself against his chest, wrapping your arms around him as if someone might try to pry you away from him. The thought of it only made you tighten your arms around him. You pressed your face against his chest and you let out a small cry of relief, shaking your head over and over again. He wrapped both of his arms around you protectively and he brought a hand up to hold the back of your head against his chest. 

“You’re safe, you’re completely safe now, little love.” He shushed you, soothingly petting your hair. 

He held you against his body so tightly that you thought the two of you might mold together, never to be separated again. He continued to shush you and whisper assurances of your safety into your ear, petting your hair softly. Your heart raced in your chest still and you struggled to catch your breath for a long time. You were thankful that he didn’t ask any questions while you chased desperately after your own breath, and finally, after some time, you had caught it once more. Your heart began to slow down and you began to feel less tense. 

“That’s right, darling. Just breathe. I’ve got you. I’ve always got you.” He whispered, leaning down to press a few kisses against your hairline. 

You let out a long sigh and you held him tighter, acutely aware of the way your hands shook, as well as your arms and your legs. 

“Tell me what happened, my little y/n.” He instructed, sliding his fingers into your hair comfortingly. 

You nodded once and you grasped the collar of his kefta tightly, “Two men, they attacked David and I, and one of them recognized me from the fete and,” you paused to let out a sharp sigh and then you lifted your head away from his chest and looked up at him, “and then the other one, he said he had an idea, and told the one who recognized me to grab me and put me in the carriage and-“ 

Your husband reached up and cradled your face in his hands and he stared down into your eyes, “Are you hurt?” He asked. 

When he looked into your eyes, you still got butterflies, even though you’d stared into them countless times before, and you were not exempt from that sensation this time. 

“No, no I’m not hurt-“

“I heard you scream. I came as quickly as I could because I thought someone had hurt you.” He explained, swiping a gloved thumb across your cheek. 

“I screamed to get someone- anyone’s- attention.” 

“Clever girl.” He whispered and leaned down to press a kiss onto your lips. His lips were cold, as were yours, but that didn’t stop you from kissing him back as if it were the first time you’d seen him in years. He kissed you hungrily as if your lips could properly satiate a state of starvation and it stole the breath out of your lungs. 

Your husband broke away from the kiss and sucked in a well-needed breath, his hands still clutching your face. He leaned down again and he nuzzled his nose against yours, a small smile covering his lips. 

“I’m so glad you are safe.” He murmured, pulling away from you. 

You didn’t want him to let go of you and you gave him a frown as he moved back. He let out a chuckle and reached out to grab your hand, holding it tightly in his own, making you feel relieved. 

He squeezed your hand reassuringly and then he cleared his throat, “Come. We should go check on David with the others.” 

-

“And my brother, Nikolai, he climbed on that horse like it was no big deal. Vasily didn’t really have the same luck and he got his foot stuck in the stirrup, poor fool, and his horse panicked and began to run around and Vasily went flying. He was never quite gifted with the horses I’m afraid.” You recalled. 

You had been chatting with David as you, your husband, and two other Grisha, plus David, walked through the cold, snowy forest in search of Alina Starkov, and a boy that she had run away with named Mal. Your husband had seemed much too absorbed with his hunt to carry a conversation with you, so you had opted to talk with David, who you had taken quite the liking to. 

“Did he ever ride horses again?” David asked, brushing a few flakes of snow off of his arms. 

“Oh, he tried, but Nikolai and I always outshined him so he took up sword fighting, only to be outshined again by Nikolai.” You explained. 

You cozied up to your husband’s side as you walked hand in hand, and he glanced down at you, likely to make sure you weren’t freezing to death. Once he had deduced that you were fine, he leaned down and pressed an affectionate kiss to your forehead. You beamed at the show of affection and you giggled. The two of you had been joined at the hip ever since he had found you much earlier that morning after being chased by the men that stole his carriage. He’d not let you out of his sight even once, not even when he’d gone into town to question a few people about Alina’s whereabouts. 

Once he had figured out that Alina was in the forest hunting a stag, the six of you had set out into the forest, which quickly became covered in a thick blanket of snow. Aleksander had made sure that you put your cloak back on and he tugged the hood over your head, making sure that you were as bundled up as you possibly could be. 

David hummed next to you and he looked around the forest, “So you ride horses?”

“Magnificently. Or, so she says.” Your husband answered for you, letting out a little laugh. 

You looked up at him with a broad smile and instantly you were rendered breathless. Snowflakes laid on top of his head gracefully and the apples of his cheeks and the tip of his nose was adorably pink. In the light that had become bluish from the surrounding snow, his skin seemed to sparkle like marble and his eyes gleamed darkly.

He looked like a god. 

It was so hard for you to believe that he himself hadn’t been labeled a saint just as Alina had. 

He noticed your stare and he leaned down to press a quick, gentle kiss to your lips. 

“Staring is rude, Your Grace. Didn’t mommy and daddy teach you that?” He teased, pulling you closer to his side. 

“I’m not staring. I’m admiring.” You corrected. 

He chuckled and gave your hand a little squeeze as he continued walking through the snow with you, “Are you doing alright? Are your boots getting wet? Shall I carry you?” He asked and you wiggled your toes in your boots. 

Your feet were freezing, but nothing had managed to soak through your boots yet, thankfully. You shook your head and leaned against his arm, “I’m okay.”

He nodded and led you through the snow with him. The only sounds around you now was the snow crunching underneath your boots and the small humming sounds David made ever so often. After a few moments of only these noises, David cleared his throat and spoke up. 

“Sir,” he spoke, and your entire group stopped walking. Aleksander clutched your hand in his tightly and David continued speaking, “She is close by.” He stated. 

You looked around at the snow covered trees and then at the ground for any signs of footprints, but you saw nothing. Your husband took a few steps forward with you in tow, and he slowly dropped your hand, taking one step ahead of you. He nodded once and then looked back over his shoulder at David and the others. 

“Good. This is good. You all know what to do when we find them. We must act quickly.” He then turned to you and he gently grabbed your forearms and pulled you close to him, “as for you. You are to stay out of sight. Behind a tree, in a bush, I don’t care, but out of sight. Alina wouldn’t hurt you, that I know. But her little orphan friend… I don’t know him. I know little to nothing about him. I won’t risk it.” 

“Why don’t you just leave her with me, General? And we can stay back a bit.” 

You both turned around, and a Squaller by the name of Zoya took a step forward. 

“I can surely keep her safe.” She added, taking another step forward. 

“Or I can.” David interjected. 

“No, that won’t do,” he said, talking over the two of them, “Zoya, I need you with the rest of us, and David I’ll need you to extract the antlers on the stag.”

Both of them contemplated for a moment but eventually they both nodded and your husband looked down at you, “You will be perfectly safe, my love. I’m sure of that.” 

Perhaps he sensed your trepidation, and you figured he had, because he wrapped you in his arms and he tucked your head underneath his chin. 

“I’d take a thousand bullets before I let you get hurt, my dear.” He whispered and rocked you back and forth in his arms. 

“That’s what I worry about.” You whispered, hiding your cold face against his warm neck. 

“Oh, my little love, believe me when I say, I will always find my way back to you.” He promised, holding you closer. You nodded once and he pulled back to kiss your cold nose, “Come on, we must keep moving.” He said softly and grabbed your hand once more. 

He pulled you along and the rest of the group followed suit. You looked over your shoulder at David who gave you a tentative smile and a little wave. Zoya stood behind him and she looked as if it was paining her to not argue with your husband. You slowly turned to face forward again and your throat felt a bit tight. You had a feeling in the pit of your stomach that nothing good could come of this excursion. 

You had only walked for maybe half an hour more when suddenly your husband stopped you. He turned around slowly and nodded up ahead, beckoning the other Grisha forward. Something in the distance began to glow brightly, turning the forest blue from the way the light reflected on the snow. Your husband grabbed your waist and he pulled you off of the path towards a cluster of bushes. 

He gently pushed you down so that you were hidden behind them and he gave you a very small, tense smile. 

“Stay here. You will be safe.” He promised and patted the top of your head once before dashing off, the others following hot on his heels. 

For a moment, it was silent. You couldn’t even hear the snow crunching underneath the feet of the Grisha you had been traveling with anymore. 

You wrapped your arms around your knees as you sat in the snow behind the bushes and your teeth began to chatter mercilessly now that you weren’t moving, you weren’t staying very warm. 

The silence was pierced by a loud, animalistic bellowing, and you jumped slightly, scrambling up onto your knees to peer over the bush. You couldn’t see much now, because the light had gone out, but you could see the moon illuminating the outline of a large stag, flailing about. It tumbled to the snowy ground and you brought a hand up to your mouth in horror. You sunk back down so that you couldn’t see any longer, not wanting to see any longer. 

The distant sound of a gunshot made your stomach do a flip and you clapped your hands over your ears, feeling overwhelmed and nervous again. Someone cried out loudly and suddenly you could see bursts of light resonating all over the forest. It cast shadows through the trees and lit up the snow falling around you, giving it a shimmering effect as it floated down to the white ground. 

Alina’s power, you guessed, slowly pulling your hands away from your ears. 

Another surge of light was cast forth and you worriedly popped your head up over the bushes again, squinting to see in the distance. A large weblike dome of light was shimmering brightly in the clearing, and you could see the impossibly dark form of your husband standing near it. People were speaking, shouting, but you couldn’t make out coherent words. The dome of light tumbled down and faded away, and it became too dark for you to see anything. You slowly sunk back down behind the bush and you pulled your cloak around your shoulders tightly, just in time to hear a great crack echo in the forest around you and a sour taste filled your mouth. You hadn’t seen him do it more than once, only in demonstrations during trainings, but you were certain that your husband had just used the Cut, just by the sound alone. 

Whether it was on Alina, her soldier friend, or the large stag, didn’t really matter to you. Your stomach felt upset at the thought of any living thing being split in two by the powerful feat that your husband was capable of. 

You suddenly felt very out of place, much like someone who had just seen something that they weren’t supposed to see. An uneasiness spread through your veins slowly, and it seemed to make you colder and colder by each passing second. You longed to be back home in Os Alta, in your bedroom. The one in the Grand Palace. You wanted to have tea with your silly mother and cry in her arms over the fear you felt. 

Your eyes prickled with tears and it was perhaps the only warming sensation that you had at the moment. You just wanted to be home. Safe in your bed, warm, just… home. 

Heavy footsteps made the snow crack and crunch nearby, and you quickly wiped your eyes and rose to your feet just in time to see your husband come around the side of the bush. There was a coldness about the way he held himself and his eyes were perhaps icier than the snow that was falling all around. He held his hand out for you silently and you tentatively took it. He pulled you against his chest in one fluid movement and you shivered, wrapping your arms around his torso. He pulled the sides of his cloak around you, encircling you much like a cocoon, and you laid your cheek against the center of his chest, ignoring the cold metal on his kefta as it pressed against your cheek. 

“You’re freezing.” He commented, his voice almost completely devoid of the tenderness it contained just ten minutes before. 

You sniffled and you shook your head, tears finding their way out of the corners of your eyes, “Can we go home?” You asked quietly, your voice shaking. 

“There’s more to be done.”

“Then can you send me home?” You begged, holding onto him tighter. 

Your husband let out a long sigh and he pulled away from you and grabbed your chin with his bare, freezing hand. His eyes were locked with yours and his face was emotionless, save for the small smile that formed on his lips, that didn’t quite reach his eyes. 

“I am your home.”

-

“Here, one more, perhaps?” Zoya Nazyalensky suggested, wrapping you in your fourth blanket. You felt heavy underneath the blankets’ weight and you looked up at her, shaking your head. 

“Four will do, thank you, Zoya.” You mumbled, giving her an appreciative nod. 

You’d never been more thankful for a tent in your entire life. The walk through the forest was the hardest thing you’d ever done, especially at night. The snow and the wind had begun to bite at you and you were so cold that you felt like every movement was akin to the slice of a blade. At some point, your legs had practically given out and your husband had to carry you the rest of the way, but you were sure he didn’t mind all that much.

Now you sat on a cot in your husband’s expansive tent and Zoya was tending to you gingerly while your husband sat with David across the tent at a table. They spoke in hushed tones while David crafted something with the antlers of the stag, and every so often your husband would turn around to check on you. 

You had finally warmed up again now that you were wrapped in four layers of blankets plus another one of your husband’s thick cloaks, and you felt exhausted. The weight of the day was heavily sitting upon your shoulders and you pulled your knees up to your chest and rested your chin on top of them, eyes drooping just slightly. 

“Zoya. You may go. I can tend to my wife now.” Your husband said from across the tent. 

The Squaller nodded once and gave your shoulder a little squeeze before she left the tent, leaving you alone with Aleksander and David. 

Your husband stood up from his chair and he walked to you. He sat down next to you on the cot and he reached up to smooth back your hair. Every trace of coldness from earlier in the forest was gone now, and he was staring at you with nothing but adoration in his gaze.

“My beautiful girl. You look so tired.” He commented softly, leaning in to press his lips against your temple. 

“I’m exhausted,” you admitted, leaning into his kiss, “and I’d love you to come lay with me. I want you to hold me.” You whispered. 

“And I’d love nothing more, little love. But David and I need to get Miss Starkov taken care of.” He murmured, tucking a bit of your hair back behind your ear, “Once we get this amplifier dealt with, you and I can get some sleep.”

You crinkled your brow confusedly, “Amplifier? What’s that?” You asked, looking up at him confusedly. 

“It’s like… a very powerful object that can amplify and strengthen a Grisha’s abilities. Some come from parts of powerful Grisha, some come from animals,” he explained, cupping your cheek with one hand, “this is what we needed the Stag’s antlers for.”

You stretched out a bit until you were almost lying down and you slowly directed your head down onto his lap, “Why give it to Alina? Why not keep it for yourself? If she’s so against helping you, won’t that make it so she can revolt on a much wider scale?” 

“Well, I am keeping it for myself. Part of it for me, part for her. It will give me, for lack of better word, control over her abilities. Theoretically.” He said, laying his hand down on the side of your head as you laid in his lap. 

You nodded once and then he leaned down to kiss the side of your head, “Why don’t you go sit over there with David, love? Ivan will be along with Alina shortly.”

“Do I have to be in here while this happens?” You asked nervously and your husband brushed his fingers across your cheekbone. 

“I’m not sending you out into the cold again, so this is preferable. Just sit and be quiet. The sooner we can get this over with, the sooner you and I can get some sleep. How does that sound?” He asked tenderly.

You nodded in response and he slowly helped you up out of the cot. He took your blankets away from your shoulders and he adjusted the heavy, black cloak around your shoulders. He nodded towards David who sat at a little table on the other side of the tent and you quickly walked over to him and sat down. 

“Hello, Princess.” David said warmly, not looking up from his work. 

You looked down at his project and you tipped your head to the side. It was almost as if he’d made a necklace out of the antlers. 

“Is that the amplifier? A necklace?” You asked, the word sounding strange in your mouth.

“A collar,” he hummed, glancing up at you, “You warmed up at all?” He asked before looking back down at the antlers. 

“Oh, yes.” You replied, blinking a few times in surprise. A collar?

David rose from the table and he took his work with him, setting it on a table in the middle of the tent instead. 

You stayed put in your chair and you watched as your husband stood across the tent and eyed David before turning away. You looked at David, too, who was wringing his hands together for the briefest of moments before he lowered his hands back to his sides. The air in the tent was tense and you folded your hands in your lap and looked down at the ground. 

The only thing that dragged your gaze upwards was the faint sound of a struggle coming closer and closer until Ivan entered the tent with Alina in tow. He pushed her down onto her knees in the middle of the space and she protested loudly. 

“Get your hands off of me, you brute!” She hissed, trying to squirm away from Ivan. 

But Ivan didn’t budge, managing to still hold her down with ease. 

You looked up as your husband and gave a nod to David and he stepped forward to grab the antler collar. The Durast grabbed it delicately and took a step towards Alina.

“What are you doing?” The girl demanded, struggling against Ivan once more. 

David awkwardly presented the collar to Alina and he blinked a few times, “I’m going to place this around your neck.” He answered, like it was the most obvious and casual thing in the world. 

“I meant why?” Alina asked, ceasing to struggle a bit. 

You flickered your gaze between Alina and David and you felt… off. Something felt wrong. You felt that consuming feeling again that you were somewhere you shouldn’t have been and you crossed your legs. You stuck your hands underneath your thighs to keep them from shaking and you looked down at Alina with a small, sympathetic frown. No one had really explained to you in detail why Alina was suddenly a threat, but you got the sense that there were a lot of sides to that story, and on the same note, you realized you’d probably never know the true one. 

“I didn’t kill the Stag, it’s not my amplifier. He killed it,” she remarked and jutted her chin in your husband’s direction, “he gets its power.”

“You asked for this yourself, when we met.” Your husband spoke up. 

Though you stared at him, he didn’t look at you once. You felt uneasy and homesick, though you tried not to be. The feeling would garner no sympathy from your husband.  

Your husband took a half step forward and he set his jaw tightly, “To transfer your gift to someone who could use it.”

“I can use it now!” Alina hissed back, leaning forward as if she was going to frighten Aleksander. 

Your husband moved closer to Alina and you watched the scene in front of you unfold uneasily. You pressed your lips together before biting down nervously on your bottom lip, an impending sense of doom shrouding your head. 

“You know… so little.” Your husband spoke, hands clasped in front of him, “You’ll learn.” He added with a slight nod. There wasn’t a single bit of kindness in his eyes. 

“I know things.” Alina protested, “General Kirigan, is it? Or is Aleksander a fake name too?” She spat and you straightened up. 

You wondered how long she had known his real name and in what way she found out. You deduced that she had to have known before you, because he hadn’t seen her since you found out that night in the courtyard from Baghra. This realization hit you almost painfully and you bit down on the tip of your tongue, willing yourself not to get up and walk out of the tent. 

“Careful with your words, Alina,” your husband warned, “consider whose life is in your hands.”

The girl on the floor looked fearful for just a moment before she grit her teeth and glared up at your husband, “You said you’d let him go.” 

You assumed she meant Malyen and you shrunk back a bit in the chair. Your husband was dangling someone’s life above Alina Starkov’s head, like a cruel cat teasing a mouse. 

Your husband smirked, “I said I would heal him. What happens next is up to you.” He breathed, tipping his head to the side slightly. 

Alina deflated a bit on the floor and she looked around the room wildly. Her eyes met yours for a brief second and you thought you could see tears on her bottom lash line. 

“None of this has been up to me!” She shouted.

Your husband now stood directly over Alina and he laid his hands at his sides. 

You watched as your husband crouched in front of Alina and he clasped his hands together, taking a moment to think before he finally spoke. 

“Do you know the only thing more powerful than you or me?” He asked. When she didn’t answer he pressed on, “The two of us. Together.”  

Bile rose in the back of your throat and you nearly jumped to your feet. This was getting out of hand. You miserably placed a hand on your temple and you leaned against your hand, feeling rather deflated yourself. You found yourself wishing in that moment that you were the Sun Summoner. You wished that it was you that could give Aleksander what he craved most, whatever power he sought after tirelessly. You were painfully aware of the fact that you were ungifted and completely ordinary when placed next to Alina Starkov. You blinked back tears that threatened to fall and you cursed yourself, not wanting to cry here. Not now. 

“Together, we can end all wars. We can protect our own. Is that not what you want?” He asked her, leaning a bit closer. 

You swallowed thickly. Protect our own. He meant Grisha. 

You didn’t fall under that category. 

“Are we destroying the Fold?” Alina asked sternly, looking defeated. 

Your husband hesitated and you looked over at him. His eyes darted to you for the briefest second before he let out a sigh. 

“We can do anything…” he said, holding his hands out to Alina, “Together.” 

You brought your hand up to your mouth to stop a cry and you closed your eyes tightly as the realization hit you. Your husband didn’t want to take the Fold down, he wanted to use it to strengthen his own claim to power. That’s why he seldom spoke of the subject with you, and that’s why Alina was fighting so hard against him. You felt foolish and you felt faint, as if your world had just crumbled at your feet. You stared at Alina with wide eyes that you were sure had tears shining in them, and the girl looked back at you. Her face showed sympathy and concern, and she took your husband’s hands and he pulled her to her feet, rising to his own in the process. 

��You need to let her go, Aleksander.” Alina whispered, “Don’t put an innocent girl through your tyranny.” She begged, but your husband simply shot her a venomous look and walked away from her, towards you. David stepped forward with the collar in his hands and he looked tense. 

Your husband stopped moving towards you mid step as if he had reevaluated his actions and he moved back towards David and Alina. You felt as if someone had torn your heart right out of your chest. 

David placed the antlers against Alina’s collarbones and she began to breathe heavily as David grabbed another object. Your husband held his hand out towards David.

“What… what’s happening?” Alina stuttered. 

David placed what looked like either bone or antler against the back of your husband’s outstretched hand and Alina looked at you, panicked. 

“Wait, I don’t understand. What-“ 

But Alina didn’t get to finish. Behind her, Ivan held his hands up and you watched her eyes droop tiredly. David reached out to touch your husband’s hand and Alina’s collar and he took a breath. 

You stood up from your chair as light began to emanate from Alina’s chest. The collar began to melt into her skin as if it were meant to be there and you felt nauseated. The fragment on your husband’s hand sunk into his skin the same way, and a bright light surrounded them. 

The sight was macabre at best and your stomach turned. A sour, bitter taste covered your tongue and you clapped a hand over your mouth. 

You wouldn’t know what happened next, because you dashed at full speed outside of the tent and your sock-clad feet had only barely touched the snow before you were emptying your stomach and its few contents out onto the white snow in front of you. You sunk down onto your knees in the snow and let out a sob, feeling empty. Betrayed. You felt like someone had completely maimed your insides and you pictured your heart looking like it felt. Visualizing a shredded internal organ only made you feel sick again, and you found yourself retching again. Tears spilled down your face and you reached up to wipe your mouth with the back of your sleeve. The snow soaked through your socks and it felt like you were standing on needles. 

A blinding light spilled out from the tent behind you and you shakily rose to your feet and glanced over your shoulder. You waited to make sure no one was going to come after you, and you began to tromp through the snow. Slowly at first, but then faster and faster until you were running as fast as you could away from the tent. Your throat burned harshly and there was a disgusting taste on your tongue, making you gag while you sprinted towards the forest beyond. You let out a wail as you barreled towards the forest, and you almost had time to feel relieved before you felt your chest tighten impossibly. You froze. It was impossible to breathe and you dropped to your knees, clawing at your throat. 

This has never happened to you before. Panic gripped you as you tried desperately to breathe, so consumed with trying to get a breath in that you didn’t even have time to react to the two hands that yanked you roughly to your feet. 

Suddenly, you could breathe again and you sucked in the biggest breath that you possibly could have. Your relief was short lived, though, because you were spun around to face Ivan the stone faced Heartrender. You shrunk back just a bit before he bent down and lifted you over his shoulder as if you weighed nothing. You pummeled his back with weak fists as he brought you back to the tent easily. 

Once he’d gotten you inside, he tossed you to the floor. You yelped as your head hit the ground and you closed your eyes and curled into a ball on the floor, feeling as if you’d been trampled by a stampede of elephants. 

“Careful with her!” Your husband barked, somewhere in the tent. 

You had assumed he meant Alina, but you were soon gathered up into your husband’s arms. You opened your eyes to see that he had knelt next to you on the floor and he pulled you into his lap, cradling you in his arms as if you were an infant. 

You knew you shouldn’t have enjoyed the way his arms felt around you, but the truth was, you did. You felt a bit of pride bubble up in your chest as he held you in front of Alina who was in hysterics on the ground on the other side of the tent. The pride was short lived though, because that sick feeling overtook your system again and you tried to sit up. 

“Little love, stay down.” He simpered, running his hand over your hair. 

“I want to go home!” You wailed, collapsing tiredly against Aleksander, “Please take me home, I don’t want to be a part of this.”

“Shh, hush, my little princess. Would I ever do anything that would put you in harm’s way?” He asked, his voice as soft as the snow outside, “Answer me, y/n. Would I? Have I ever done anything to put you in imminent danger?” 

You thought for a moment and then you shook your head, “N-no.” 

“See? Why would I-“

“That’s a lie!” Alina screamed from across the tent, “It’s a lie and you know it! You’re endangering her just by having her here. She is only a girl, Aleksander! An innocent girl!”

Your husband looked up at Ivan and gave him a nod, “You may take Miss Starkov to the other tent, Ivan. She is frightening my dear wife.” 

Ivan nodded and pulled Alina to her feet, dragging her out of the tent. She didn’t say another word the entire time. David remained where he stood, frozen in place. His eyes met yours from across the tent and they were full of regret. 

“Tell me, sweet girl, what worries you?” He asked, coaxing your head down against his chest, forcing you to tear your eyes away from David. Your husband ignored the Durast’s presence. 

You sniffled and you shook your head, “You don’t love me. You want me for power. Like you want Alina for power. Like you want the Fold for power.” You said shakily, though you allowed him to pull you closer. 

“The only thing in the world I want more than power is you, y/n,” he said seriously, leaning down to speak into your ear, “I do love you. More than I’ve loved anyone in my life. I want Alina for power, sure, and I’d like to control the Fold for the same reason, but I want you because I love you. Not because I can garner power from you. I want you to be my queen. I want you to join me, be my strongest ally. I want you to be by my side as we rebuild this country. For the better.” He whispered, kissing the shell of your ear, “Don’t you want that, my love?”

You craned your neck away from him and you shook your head. Of course you wanted the country to be better, Ravka needed serious reformation. But not like this. Not his way. 

“I want you to let go of me.” You whispered, placing your hands over his arms. 

“I can’t do that, y/n. In my five hundred years of life-“ 

You turned your head towards him and you held your hand up to silence him, “Five hundred? You told me you were one hundred twenty. How can you expect me to be your strongest ally if I can’t even trust the things you say?” You asked sharply.

He looked down into your eyes for a long time and then he let out a slow, bored sigh, “These outbursts-“

“Oh, spare me. They’ll continue.” You spat. 

“To what end, y/n? You cannot oppose me forever. It comes down to two options, and I’ll tell you how both will end and you can make your decision now. One, you can join me and stand by my side. You’ll have everything you ask for, you will be integral in the harmony between Grisha and otkazat'sya. You will live a life of free will and liberation as my wife, I’ll protect you always, you will be loved. Is that not what you’ve always wanted? To be loved? Not only by me, but by your entire country?” He looked down at you and he reached up to brush his thumb across your bottom lip, “Or, you can decline to join me and you will have nothing. I cannot offer you protection, and once I liberate Ravka, you will be labeled a traitor. You will live and die your life out in prison, and if not prison then exile. Oh, and until then? Your country will hate you. You will be cursed with the title of my wife for as long as you shall live. You’ll be treated no better than Grisha.”

Your jaw dropped and you looked up at Aleksander, “Even if I take your side, I won’t have free will. Not really. You’ll give me free rein of my pen but clip my wings so I can never get out of it. That isn’t free will, Aleksander.” You argued. 

He leaned down and pressed a light kiss to your nose and he let out a sigh, “I will give you a week to make up your mind. Think about what’s at stake, darling.” 

The side of your head hurt from where it hit the floor after Ivan had dropped you and your eyes felt heavy, but you refused to fall asleep in Aleksander’s arms. You crossed your own arms over your chest and you stared up at the ceiling of the tent. You watched your husband nod towards David in your periphery and then you heard shuffling near the opening of the tent, then silence. 

With a shallow sigh, your husband adjusted his arms around you and slowly rose to his feet, lifting you with him. He carried you off to the other side of the tent and laid you out on the cot before covering you with blankets. 

“Get some sleep, darling. We leave in the morning.” He said softly and reached down to smooth back your hair. 

And though you closed your eyes, you didn’t get a moment of sleep that night. 

-

Five days had gone by since the night your husband had given you his makeshift ultimatum, and for five days you’d done your very best to avoid him. You had spent four days on the road to the army encampment just near the Fold. For some parts of the day, you were holed up in a carriage with David, which you didn’t necessarily mind. He gave you space and only spoke to you when you initiated it first. Sometimes he’d silently pass his book to you and point at a passage. It was some sort of Grisha history book, you assumed, because the passages he’d shown you all pertained to Grisha magic, the Fold, amplifiers, or theories as to what had created the Fold. When you weren’t in the carriage with David, you were riding in front of your husband on his horse, and this is when you felt most miserable. 

Aleksander acted like nothing had happened. He was sweet to you and always fussing about keeping you warm. He’d give you little kisses often as well as frequent affectionate touches, and with each one, you felt more and more confused. 

There should have been no confusion, this situation was not a grey area. It was black and white, right and wrong. You wondered how he could claim to love you and then promise you a life of misery in the same breath. 

He was right, though. You wanted love. Just… not like this. 

You sat stiffly upon a plush chair and looked down at your dress, smoothing it out. You had been up since early in the morning, woken by Genya Saffin and your husband. Aleksander had left just after you awoke, but Genya stayed and got you dressed and ready, as if it was some kind of special occasion. As if crossing the Fold with your husband and Alina wasn’t some kind of fate worse than death. Your hair was piled on top of your head intricately and you had handfuls of fine jewelry hanging from your neck and wrists. You didn’t speak a word to Genya as she readied you, and you didn’t bid her farewell when she left. 

Someone cleared their throat behind you and you turned around slowly, dreading the idea of seeing Aleksander. 

You felt some semblance of relief when you saw it was only David standing at the opening of the tent holding a brown sack. 

“May I come inside?” He asked quietly, looking around the tent. Probably checking for your husband. 

“Sure, David.” You answered and he quickly walked inside, coming to stand next to where you sat. 

“I um,” he paused for a long moment and then he sighed, murmuring something under his breath before he spoke finally, “I am worried about you, and your wellbeing.” 

You shifted your eyes up towards his face and you raised your eyebrow, “I can hold my own. But I appreciate your concern.”

“Well no, I don’t think you can, Princess.” He said quickly, and you noticed how he pressed his nails into his palms nervously, “I don’t think you know the lengths that the Darkling will go to, to get what he wants.” 

“I think I’m starting to get a pretty good idea.” You replied, folding your hands in your lap. Your black gown was heavy and thick, and you began to sweat under it, feeling a bit queasy. 

David put the large sack he carried on your lap and he nodded at it once, “Inside of that, there are first army clothes. A hat, too. You don’t have long. The General is speaking to the Sun Summoner and then he will be on his way to fetch you.”

You were confused for a moment and you opened the bag, then you understood. David was trying to help you run away. You looked up at him with wide eyes and he clutched his hands together. 

“David, I don’t know what to say.” You whispered and slowly stood up from the chair. 

“Well, you don’t have to say anything. I just think you deserve a third option. The two that your husband gave you were… rather inhospitable. But I digress. I’ve already got a story worked out, I’ll blame your disappearance on Fjerdans, but if you want a shot at getting away from here, you need to take it now.” David said somberly, offering you a rather sad smile, “There are many places you can go. Or you can go home. It’s up to you. I’ve left a map and compass in the bag as well.”

There were loud voices outside the tent and David stiffened and he grasped your arm, “Whatever you do, though, just take care of yourself.” He whispered and then he was off, darting out of the tent, and likely putting as much distance between you and him as possible so that no one could place him there later for any reason. 

You waited for only a moment to ensure that no one was coming, and when no one came, you quickly shed your gaudy black gown. You took the jewelry off of your neck and your wrists and put it in the bag before you yanked out the other clothes. 

They weren’t cute and they were likely the least appealing pieces of clothing you had ever seen in your entire life. But you didn’t have the luxury of escaping in a glamorous ensemble. You shoved your legs into the pants and you pulled the shirt on rapidly before shrugging on the long coat that came with it. You sat down on the chair briefly to yank the tall boots onto your feet, not caring that they were two sizes too big. Wasting no time, you pulled your hair out of its twists and braids, yanked out the pins, and you pulled the hat on. 

You prayed you were unrecognizable as you wildly looked around the room for a weapon of some sort, one for self defense. The only thing you found was a small, almost decorative dagger sitting on Aleksander’s desk. You snatched it up and threw it in the pocket of your coat, heart hamming against your chest. You took a few long, deep breaths before you willed your feet to move, to carry you swiftly out of the tent. 

Once you were out, the cold air was an unwelcome slap in the face, and the unpleasant shiver you got was nearly enough to send you back into that tent. But you pushed on.

You weaved between tents and past other soldiers until you could finally see the horizon rather than just a fleet of tents. You stopped at the edge of the camp and looked over your shoulder. The Fold stood tall and unwavering behind you and everything before it looked tiny and breakable. Like toys in the hands of a destructive toddler. 

A group of soldiers rushed past you shouting something in Ravkan repeatedly, and after hearing it about three times, you understood what they were saying. 

The Princess has gone missing, find her immediately. Darkling’s orders. 

You swallowed thickly and you quickly turned away from facing the Fold and walked as briskly as your feet would allow you, moving faster and faster until you were sprinting at full speed into the forest beyond the camp, far away from the Fold, away from Sun Summoners and Shadow Summoners, away from Aleksander’s promised gold gilded cage and a life of captivity. 

Away from the darkness and into the light. 

#grishaverse #shadow and bone imagine #shadow and bone #aleksander morozova imagine #aleksander morozova x reader #the darkling x reader #aleksander morozova #the darkling imagine #the darkling x you #the darkling imagine #the darkling #general kirigan imagine #general kirigan x reader #general kirigan #ben barnes x reader #ben barnes imagine

[thebadgerclan]

Wolf of the Waves

Pairing: Nikolai Lantsov x reader

Summary: Sturmhond returns to his beloved Wolf of the Waves, and to his beloved wife...

A/N: This is a combo of some book events and what we saw in the trailer, bc idk how true to the book they’re staying for this season.  Also “Hellcat” is the reader’s pseudonym like Sturmhond is Nikolai’s

The Volkvolny crept up alongside the whaler your husband had stolen, the whaler that was currently under siege from the Darkling’s shadow monsters.  The Sun Summoner’s light cut through them, but there were far too many of them for her to Cut down.  You set off the flare that would signal to Nikolai that his ship was ready, and not a moment later did you hear his cry.  “To me, hounds!”

Your husband’s loyal crew and Grisha began flinging themselves overboard, hitting the deck of the Volkvolny and rolling to their feet.  The Bataar twins landed, nodding in greeting to you before rising and steadying themselves into fighting stances.  The Sun Summoner landed next, an ungraceful heap on the deck, followed by who you recognized to be the deserter from the 37th.  And finally, your husband, who managed to roll straight up to his knees before you.

“Hello, beautiful,” Nikolai said, taking your offered hand as he stood.  “Always one for the dramatics, aren’t you?”  Your husband barked a laugh and kissed your cheek as he moved to man the mast.  One of the crew tossed you a rifle, and you set your focus on ridding the hull of the Darkling’s soldiers.  The Squallers managed to get you clear of the whaler and the Darkling’s range, and you stood along the rails as Alina took the Sea Whip’s life and its scales.

Tamar took the Summoner to her bunk while Tolya took the tracker to his, and you followed Nikoli to his quarters below decks.  As soon as the door was latched, he was pulling you into his arms, kissing you deeply.  “Saints, I missed you,” Nikolai said, snaking his arms around your middle.  “How was my crew?  Bearable?”  You laughed, running your hands through his sandy hair.

“Only just.  I only had to threaten to have Privyet walk the plank three times.”  “A marked improvement, then.”  You laughed, and Nikolai kissed you again, happy to have you in his arms again after weeks apart.  But far too soon, there was a knock at the door.  “Captain?” Tamar called.  “The Summoner and her tracker are asking to speak with you.”  Nikolai sighed, shaking his head.  “Send them in.”

He sat himself behind his desk, and you pulled a chair up as well, sitting at your husband’s side.  Nikolai took your hand and kissed it, smiling at the sight of your wedding and engagement rings glinting in the light.  A moment later, the door opened, and Alina Starkov, the Sun Summoner, supposed Saint, stepped through, followed by her tracker.  “Good to see you out of the clutches of that madman, Miss Starkov,” Nikolai said, leaning back in his chair.

“What do you want from us?” she asked, and you felt a twinge of sympathy for the girl.  “Who says I want anything from you?  Maybe I just wanted to get you away from the man who seems so desperate to control you.”  “Darling,” you said, laying a hand on his arm.  “They’ve been through enough.  Don’t taunt them.”  “Who are you?”  You sat up a bit straighter, and your husband took your hand.

“You can call me Hellcat.  I’m Sturmhond’s wife and his second; so if he gets on your nerves too much, tell me and I’ll put him in his place.”  The tracker–Mal–laughed softly at that, but Alina was still on guard.  “We’re not going to hurt you, Alina,” you said.  “What Sturmhond said is true, we did want to get you away from the Darkling.  Because if you’re in his control, there’s no telling what he could do.”

Your husband nodded his agreement.  “You are Alina Starkov,” he said.  “I think we all know what you’re capable of.”  Alina held out her hands, letting two globes of pure, golden sunlight shine.  “Will you help us tear down the Fold?”  Nikolai smirked, cocking his head.  “I’d love to, Sunshine, but you couldn’t do it with one amplifier, could you?”  You shot him a look at the jab, and he squeezed your hand.  “I need the power of all three.”  Before Nikolai could speak, you jumped in.

“You have the stag, now the Sea Whip.  What’s left?”  “The Firebird,” Mal supplied, and Alina stepped forward and laid a slender red book on the desk.  “It’s there,” she said.  “Sankt Ilya, the stag, the Sea Whip, and the Firebird.”  “And do you have any idea of where this mythical flaming chicken might be?” your husband asked, and while his approach was a bit callous, you were thinking the same thing.

“No, but that’s what we intend to find out,” Alina replied.  “You saw how I tracked the Sea Whip,” Mal said.  “I can track anything.”  “So you can,” Nikolai said, reaching for the decanter of brandy on the desk and pouring himself a glass.  “Want some?”  “No, thanks.”  “Hmm.  So, what would tracking this mythical ancient bird entail?”  “Well,” Alina began.  “We’d have to figure out where it is, which might take some time, then we’d have to hunt it, obviously.”

“Adventure?  Danger?” your husband asked, and both Alina and Mal nodded at once.  Nikolai broke into a massive smile.  “Now you’re speaking my language!  Tamar!”  The Heartrender entered, her axes holstered at her waist.  “Da, Kapitan?”  “Take these two back deckside, get the crew acquainted with them.  It seems we’ll be working with them for a while yet.”

Once Mal and Alina had been led out, Nikolai pulled you into his lap, kissing you deeply.  “Do you think they’d notice if I kept you down here for a few days and had my way with you?”  Your husband began kissing a path down your neck, and you giggled, letting yourself melt in his embrace.  “I think they might.  But they might not notice if you don’t show up for the rest of the night…”  Nikolai grinned, a wolfish, wicked grin, and carried you over to the bed tucked into the corner.  Your husband was thankful his crew was so rowdy when the sun set, as there was no need to silence your moans.

#nikolai lantsov x reader #shadow and bone fanfiction #nikolai lantsov x you #shadow and bone season 2

[unabashednightmarepizza]

𝑆ℎ𝑎𝑑𝑜𝑤 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝐵𝑜𝑛𝑒 𝐶ℎ𝑟𝑜𝑛𝑖𝑐𝑙𝑒𝑠

Summary: Being the director and also a single mum of 462818 people at the same time, being shown in Y/N. Y/L/N's newest Instagram post with some special guest

A/N: I really enjoy making these Instagram AU posts, and you will see my inner gremlin appearing lol and İ'll make a second and even third part for it!

Liked by benbarnes, jacktwolfe, aarontaylorjohnson and 5,897,476 others

Y/N Y/L/N: Did they force me to take them on a train ride? Yes. Did I loose a bet? Also yes. So, as a result, I'm broke now. Please start a campaign and funds.🤭🤗

Also, don't let Jack's innocence fool you, that man is a real life Wylan and is a menace to society. He ate 15 burgers. Fuck you 🖕😑

View 623,325 comments

User1: I love how Y/n is the sugar mommy of the cast djskdjsj

User2: The way she is trully the mom apart from being the director. They are like a family 🥰

Y/N: A family that uses me... Cruel, cruel kids. Look at their smiles! They know what they are doing 🥲

freddycarter1: you made us walk under extreme hot weather and left us to die in a desert! It's only fair 😌

Y/N: Shut up Kazzle Dazzle, and eat your burger! And I gave you umbrellas, ıt's enough.

Sab.Memes: Jack ate 15 burgers?! *Chokes on water* HOW CAN HE DO THAT?!

User4: I feel bad for Y/N, she earns money through them and still spend it for them 😂

Y/NFanforever23: She knows guys, she know the power the fans have!

Y/N: I watched people start campaign and cancelling celebrities, ending their whole life. FAN SUPREMACY IS THE ONLY TRUE POWER!! 🫡

Liked by benbarnes, shadowandbone, freddycarter1 and 3,789,968 others

Y/N Y/L/N: Here is a warning: I'm everywhere and I see all of you... Please keep doing God's work by making memes🤭

1. There is a reason why I chose Ben as Darkling, only one reason: He is the ultimate CEO of puppy eyes... A good way to manipulate people because I fell for it. And Leigh and I fought very hard for them to accept him already.

2. Apart from the fact that he killed innocents, manipulated kids and offered one to the Royal family, used many people and created the Fold alonsgide other War crimes... It seems my job is over *drops the mic and leaves the stage to go and write the New script,crying*

3. Real applause for Alina because I would have folded and accepted immediately.

P.S: Ben is getting ready to defend Darkling in his Insta story while avoiding me... And laying over my lap and making me play with his hair.

View 456,982 comments

kittheyounger: When exactly are you going to stop sharing memes of us?

Y/N: Never? You should be grateful I'm not sharing every one of your's fetus photos and the ones I took to blackmail you later :)

archierenaux3: Couldn't be me hehe

Y/N: Keep living in your dreams :) @archierenaux3

User7: She is so real for the third slide 🤣

User9: Ben is so babygirl for her I can't-

User3: The way Y/N just terrorizes the entire cast with those childhood photos is too funny to me 😂

User6: That's some Queen behaviour... another day another slay from Y/N 💯

User1: She is known to have a talent for taking photos when no one sees and notices her so... For all we know, she could take photos of us and we still wouldn't know.

User5: And she only annoys the male cast members... 😌🤔I wonder why she doesn't do the same with others?

Y/N: They are my little babies and precious wives, they could do no wrong 🥰

Benbarnes: Talk about favouritism... And I'm her boyfriend.

Y/N: And they are my wives, so? 🤗

Liked by benbarnes, tchalamet, lilyjcollins, kit.connor and 6,243,125 others

Y/N Y/L/N: Oh, the amount of chaos here... *Sips wine* 🤭🍷

P.S: He came to me crying and asking what was wrong with the fans... I said he was so hot for his own good and now, he refuses to meet my eye because he blushes too much... Sir, you are 41 not 15! Either way, what a cutie 😌🤭

View 746,923 comments

benbarnes: you promised to not share these!

Y/N: Haven't you learnt nothing is safe with me?

BenandY/N.mommy: I CANT- Y/N IS FEEDING US AND I LIVE FOR IT

User5: Poor Shadow Daddy... Show us more.🫣

User3: The cast once said that Ben blushes the most when Y/N is near or the one who compliments him... My heart can't take it!

User6: I want what they have! ❤️

User3: They both had become so good to each other, especially Y/N... Seeing my baby happy makes me cry tears of joy 🥹

User6: I hope they will get married already! We need little Y/L/N- Barnes in our lives 🥲

User4: When can I get a Y/N or Ben in my life?

User2: And just like that, I'm scared for what's waiting for us and Matthias in SaB season 3...

User1: ıf people doesn't know... Y/N is very good at drama and slicing our hearts and squeezing it painfully with her emotional scenes and talent for shooting those scenes just... Diferrently.

User3: We are doomed... Like girl, who hurt you that much?

Y/N: Trauma, tears, sadness and more trauma are what's waiting for yall probably... Sorry🫣 And I love watching and reading heartwrenching things in general, no one hurt me so don't come at Ben😄😇

benbarnes: Thanks love... Your fans scare me...

User1: Suddenly, ıt's a need to see Kaz and Monopoly together

Y/N: You wouldn't want that... Freddie gets too absorbed in his character and we thought it was a good idea to do this... It didn't turn out well

User5: The way Ben is scared of Y/N's fanbase is very funny... *Evil laugh* Sir, you are dating our girl, millions are after your ass as soon as we see a tear on her pretty face 🙎🔪

Liked by benbarnes, kittheyounger, amitasuman_, freddycarter1 and 10,895,675 others

Y/N Y/L/N: This cast had become my everything, all these amazing people changed me in the best way possible and I'm grateful to have met them. I'm known to always share funny things but today, I wanted to show my love and appreciation. I'm thankful for accepting the offer to direct and also take a role in this amazing job. Thank you for inspiring me to be a better version of myself, thank you for changing my life for the better and thank you for trusting me. shadowandbone :)

Thank you for the backstage workers who always gossipped with me and did their very best and made me fangirl at their job

Thank you for convincing me and holding a gun to my temple to accept this job and also writing this amazing book universe @lbardugo 🫡❤️ I'm hoping to talk to you soon again!

But the biggest thank you is for my dear boyfriend @BenBarnes. Thank you for always supporting me and loving me. Thank you for holding me when I needed, trusting me when I didn't and lifting me up with your dad jokes and thank you for being you. I'm the most grateful for you, and that won't change. I love you and your goofy personality even though you ate my last cookie 🥲❤️

Oh and a final note? These people and these pictures? Let the Fold take me :) shadowandbone

shadowandbone: A toast for the best director ever! We are glad to have someone like you! And there is no way out of the Fold :)

User6: The way she always includes everyone, down until the very last person in backstage is... Her heart is so amazing and her soul is so pure🥹

User2: You just know that they all love her so much.. Thank you for accepting and thank you for bringing our dream book to life Y/N 🥹

lbardugo: I wouldn't want anyone except you to this! You have so much potential and I was at ease knowing that the show was in good hands... Love you so much and İ'll eagerly wait for your other projects 🥹🥰 And I'm waiting for that meeting to, love! Just don't forget to spend time with Ben, he sulks like a puppy later 😂

Y/N: Thank you so much... OMG I'm crying at all the sweet messages now but you can be sure I'll spend all my time with him!

amitasuman_: We love you, Y/N! You are the best and thank you for always making sure we were fine and comfortable! Now, I'm off to cry🥹

Jessie_mei_li: Thank you for being you! I wouldn't have gotten a bestfriend like you if you hadn't accept!❤️ Thank you for assembling all of us, Queen of Fantasy!

freddycarter1: and also accidently adopt all of us in some ways...

User5: the whole Shadow and Bone cast looking at their director with heart eyes are making me jdkshdqkvwu🥰💞❤️😍🥺

User4: YEAH, THEY ARE SO LOVELY WITH EACH OTHER! BUT! Have you seen how Ben looks at her? I have been manifesting a man like hım over a decade now...

User1: Do you think she saw that fifth slide on Ben's Insta??

User4: Definetly! I wonder what her reaction was like...

Y/N: I was a Darklina hater my whole life until Jessie and Ben ruined it for me and made me just turn a blind eye... I regret making them shoot that scene but also not.

User2: OMG SHE ANSWERED

User1: she always does, another reason to live, laugh and love Y/N. Hı, Y/N!

Y/N: Hi, love! And btw yes, that video woke something in me... Which payed off iykyk 🤭

User6: when I learnt the whole cast, mainly Ben, was begging her to make a Marauders series is just... Wow... I hope she does that, she is the only one who could pull that!

User1: Remember when she said she would break the Net when the time comes? Might be it, who knows?🤔

User3: She also said she wasn't letting any of the cast go like that and had plans for every one of them... And that they were her slaves and had to do anything she told them lol

User4: People trust her with book adaptation because she always stays loyal to it, while also adding something from herself. It's normal everyone wants her to work on every book adaptation possible

User2: I wonder who she prefers the most: Kaz or Darkling?🤔

User5: Ben is her boyfriend so I think she would say Darkling because he would pout otherwise

User6: But she also said she often giggled and blushed while reading Kaz's point of view and specifically begged Freddy to audition

Y/N: The true question is: Are you a fan of terrifying blue eyes or deep, empty black eyes?

benbarnes: I'm forever lucky and grateful to have met you and be your boyfriend. I can never be proud enough of you since you have a habit of always exceeding yourself. I'll always be by your side through thick and thin, just as you do every day. You are my beautiful and succesfull girlfriend, my rock when I need you, my bestfriend when I need a good laugh and my other half and there is no enough words to explain my feelings but I'll stick to this one: I love you always. liked by Y/N Y/L/N

User1: And that's how you get away with eating a lady's last cookie 😂

User3: I'm not crying ıt's just their love in my eyes that stings 🥹

User5: I swear there is nothing I want more than see them getting married 😭

#shadow and bone imagine #shadow and bone series #shadow and bone cast #shadow and bone #ben barnes x reader #ben barnes imagine #ben barnes x you #instagram au #famous au #famous #celebrity imagine #celebrity reader #celebrity #celebrity au #imagine #reader insert #x reader #fluff

[dearmantis]

Heart to Heart

Pairing: Aleksander Morozova/The Darkling x sick!Reader

Summary: Your weak heart has kept you up all night once more and Aleksander is forced to face the fact that the person he loves is still mortal.

Warnings: sick and insecure (and slightly self-sacrificing) reader, conversations about death, the rest is just fluff, I think

Word Count: 1.5k

Authors note: I'm still alive. I'm sorry for taking such a long break without explaining why. I didn't really go online at all for a month because some things came up at the end of december that didn't really leave me alone until very recently. I'll try my best to not repeat this and start working my way through my missed notifications soon.

I'm not a native English speaker, and this isn't really edited at all. The title is from Heart to Heart by Mac DeMarco

When Aleksander wakes in the morning the first thing he notices, before he even fully realizes that he is awake and has to get up, is that he is alone.

Your side of the bed is cold and he curses quietly, fully aware of what this means. He can feel his heart rate shoot up, adrenaline rushing through his body as his thoughts take the worst turn. Quickly standing up he gets dressed for the day, trying his hardest to calm his mind. You're alright. Someone would've notified him if something bad had happened while he was asleep. One of his guards would've woken him up.

He knows this like the back of his hand, yet he pauses as soon as his hand wraps around the cold metal knob of the door that leads into the living room of your shared quarters. His mind is trying to prepare him for the worst. Prepare him to find your dead body curled in on itself on the sofa in front of a cold fireplace, all alone.

He has always hated this habit of yours. This obsession with keeping his day as peaceful as possible, of never bothering him with anything, has led to you refusing to tell him when something is wrong. You've been sick for almost your whole life, your heart a bit weaker than it should be, and every time you have issues with it during the night you leave your shared bed to hide away in a different room to make sure you won't disturb his sleep.

Many times has he asked you to stop, to wake him up so he can help make you more comfortable or call a heartrender to help you in case something is seriously wrong, but you just won't listen. You're trying to protect him from the pain of seeing you suffer, he understands that, but it makes no sense to him. Why are you, a mortal little otkazat'sya, so obsessed with protecting him, an ancient being who most people would argue has lost his humanity centuries ago if they truly knew him as a person?

Most... except you. You have found out about his true nature, about the darkness sleeping in his chest in the place where his soul should sit, and decided that he was worth loving. You saw and embraced all of him, the beautiful and kind, but also the cruel and ugly.

You. A small, mortal otkazat'sya with a sick heart.

The closest thing to a soulmate he thinks he will ever get.

With a last deep breath he finally opens the door and lets his eyes glide through the room, and he can feel his heart jump when he finds you carefully sipping on a cup of tea while sitting in front of a warm, burning fire, gaze focused on the snow silently falling outside.

Your head turns when you hear the door open, eyes lighting up when you see your husband.

"Oh, I'm glad to see you're awake. I sorted your folder for the meeting with the king and his advisors today. I hope I didn't mess up one of your weird sorting system though. I know you have your own way of doing things, but I thought this could-"

Your voice cuts off as soon as he reaches you on the sofa, quickly kneeling down in front of you before pressing his head against your chest. He knows your heart is beating, but he has to hear it right now. Has to hear the soft, familiar rhythm to calm his own heart and reassure him that this is all real, that he isn't dreaming.

You don't continue speaking after the surprise of his sudden movement dies down, instead mowing your hands up to run softly over his head while he listens to your heart pump blood through your body.

It still speeds up when he's close. You're glad it does.

You sit like this for a while, your fingers carefully moving to comb through his thick, ink black hair and loosening any knots that may have formed while he slept alone.

"I told you to stop disappearing." You finally hear him whisper after a few quiet minutes, arms still wrapped tightly around your middle while his head stays pressed against your chest.

"I know, Sasha... but it just wouldn't stop. I wanted to stay with you, but the pain wouldn't go away. I couldn't breathe right because of my own fear, so I kept coughing and it was so loud. I didn't want to wake you in the night before your meeting. I promise, if I felt like things were going to end last night, I would've woken you up."

You can feel the way his arms clench around you. You know how much he hates thinking about your death, how helpless and weak the simple fact that you will die makes him feel.

"Stop talking about it. It won't happen."

"Sasha, please, I know you don't want to think about losing me, but we have to make plans for-"

"No. I've created the fold, milaya. I will not let you die. I won't let it happen, even if I have to break the laws of nature once more. I will not let you leave this world without me. I refuse to lose another person. I can't be alone again, can't lose you too. I will not watch as the universe takes another person from me and leaves me alone to pick up the pieces of my broken heart. Not again. I can't do it again. You can't ask me to. You can't."

"I don't care about the king and I don't care about my rest." He hisses before finally lifting his ear from your chest, dark eyes looking up at you. "And I'm starting to hate your heart for keeping you up at night, for hurting you like this."

A soft smile finds its way onto your lips as you map out every freckle on his skin, every small wrinkle and every pore on his eternally beautiful face.

He never says it out loud but it's clear that it frustrates him more than anything that he can't fight the thing that is harming you. There is no enemy to slay, to throat to slit, no king to overthrow. He can't rip your heart out of your body and give you a painless, happy life that way. All he can do is hope that the medicine prescribed to you by the best doctors he can pay for will help and that the corporalki order will keep an eye on you.

This is entirely out of his control, and it's probably the worst feeling in the world for him.

"Hey, this heart is filled to the brim with love for you, don't be mean." You chastise playfully, grinning when you see Aleksander roll his eyes before moving to sit next to you on the couch. Leaning your head against his shoulder, you breathe in his familiar smell and let it soothe your soul. He still smells a bit like the soap the servants use to clean your bedsheets, with an underlying sweetness that comforts you like nothing else ever could. He smells like home, like belonging.

"I need you to swear that you will get me no matter what is wrong. Even if it's just a weird feeling in your chest, you need to wake me or come to me, please. That's all I ask of you, my love. All I want. I can't do my job as your husband and make you feel better if I don't know that something is wrong."

You think about it for a few seconds, mind replaying every other time you've had this conversation with him. This time is different though. He's not mad or upset, there are no tears in his eyes, he isn't even shaking. He just sounds calm, with a hint of pain in his voice, as if an old wound is giving him issues again.

Slowly you nod, arms wrapping around him as you snuggle closer to him.

"I promise I'll wake you Aleksander. I swear it. No matter what it is. I will wake you up or go find you."

Looking up at him you see the way his eyes shine at your words before he leans down and presses a soft kiss on your lips, movements careful as if he thinks you might break if he kisses you too forcefully. The only thought you have is how much you don't want to lose this. How much you want to stay with your husband.

You've accepted that you will die early years ago. Born into a simple family, you had no chance to truly survive long. You've already made it further than you should've. But being with Aleksander has made you greedy, his own ambition leading you to play with your own what-if scenarios. He convinced you to start dreaming again.

And the only dream you have is one of a world where you will never have to leave him behind, even if that means breaking the laws of nature.

Taglist: @snowkestrel

#aleksander morozova x reader #general kirigan x reader #darkling x reader #the darkling x reader

[padfootagain]

The Last Ones On Earth (IV)

Chapter 4: An Age

Hello, hello! Here is a new chapter for my Darkling series!

I hope you like it! Let me know what you think!

****

Pairing: The Darkling x reader

Warnings for the series: mentions and depictions of violence and warfare, mentions of trauma

Warnings for the chapter: None

Summary: You and the Darkling are a team, even if no one knows it. Beyond being a team, you are the only one he trusts, and he's the only one you care about, and you're each other's true love. But if you've kept your secrets hidden for a long time, now that the Sun Summoner is fighting against you, it's time to reveal who you are, and what you are capable of...

Word Count: 2744

Masterlist for the series – The Darkling’s Masterlist – Main Masterlist

Alina stares at you as if you were a ghost. Or perhaps a dragon. Or a strange mix of both.

You give her a minute to register your words, you can almost call them a threat. You doubt that she’s weighing her options, though. You reckon she simply tries to understand what your words mean.

And then it’s back. The pride in her gaze, the rise in her chin, the tightness in her jaw.

Stupid girl who believes herself important…

“You say you want to talk, and yet you use threats already.”

“Who was put in chains to see you again?” you reply with amused sarcasm.

“And we were clearly right to mistrust you,” Zoya crosses her arms before her chest, her beautiful features slightly distorted by anger.

“Indeed!” you shoot her a smile. “It was pretty reckless to let me see all of you so easily.”

“David vouched for you,” Genya replies in a grim fashion, and David averts his eyes to stare at the carpet.

But your smile softens as you turn to him.

“Thank you, David. That was very nice of you.”

You turn towards Alina again. You notice that her hands ae touching.

Your smile grows, this time, more threatening, almost predatory.

“Child, let’s not make a mess. I simply want to talk, I haven’t come to hurt anyone.”

“Say that to the soldiers outside.”

“Collateral damage, I’m afraid,” you shrug. “I’m not going to hurt anyone in this room, I promise.”

“If you side with the Darkling, is your word worth anything?”

You raise a surprised eyebrow.

“If you truly knew him, you’d know how foolish that remark is. The Darkling is a lot of things, but he does stay true to his words.”

“And by ‘a lot of things’, you do include mass murderer, of course,” Nikolai points out.

“Coming from a man whose main occupations are pirating and inventing mass-destruction weaponry, I do find the remark particularly ironic.”

But you heave a sigh, tired of losing time you don’t have. There is too much work to do. Grisha to rescue, friends to bury, a whole nation to lead…

“Now, please, Alina. Again, I will not hurt you, so come sit down so we can talk.”

“I’ve never liked you,” the girl mumbles under her breath, her hands slowly moving, and you can see glow coming from her fingertips.

You roll your eyes.

“If I fought every person I didn’t like, only three people in this room would still be alive, including me. And you would not be breathing anymore, Starkov. But as I can’t choke you to death with my bare hands the way I truly long to, please, don’t do anything stupid and sit down.”

With a frustrated sigh, Alina closes her fists, but lets her power subside, and at long last, joins the gathering around the wooden table again.

“We will not yield when it comes to destroying the Fold,” Alina stubbornly declares.

“I am aware of repeating myself, but it will not work without the Fold,” you reply.

“You cannot destroy entire villages!”

“You cannot force people to change if you give them a chance to remain as they are.”

“People can change.”

“They can,” you nod in agreement. “But most of the time, they don’t want to. Why would they? If what you are asking for goes against their own interest, why would they change?”

“Because it’s the right thing to do.”

You snort at that.

“Please… Don’t be so naïve. Of course, some people have enough compassion to not hurt Grisha. But the majority will take centuries to reach this kind of tolerance. And in the meantime, people are dying. Our people.”

“We are all Ravkan,” Nikolai argues.

“Are we? Because when I was arrested by your men a few weeks ago and kept in a cage without water, food, or anything against the cold for three days, waiting to be executed that more Grisha were captured because, and I quote ‘it would be a waste of energy to set up the gallows just for a couple of them’… without any sort of trial or justice whatsoever, I did not feel very Ravkan… but I did feel very much Grisha.”

Nikolai doesn’t answer, instead he looks guiltily at his hands.

“I don’t care about Ravka,” you answer in honesty. “I don’t care about Shu Han, I don’t care about Fjerda, or any other nation. At the end of the day, we are all humans. And we are Grisha, and otkazat’sya. The Fold is not to be used as a threat against Ravka alone, that’s the whole point. It’s the only weapon in our possession that is powerful enough for all Grisha to be safe, no matter where they come from.”

“I do not condone what has been done to you,” Nikolai finally speaks, his voice slow and measured. “But if people are turning against Grisha, it is because of the Darkling’s actions.”

You roll your eyes at that.

“This has been going on for centuries, it is nothing new, they simply have an excuse to do as they please without any repercussion, and they enjoy their newly-found freedom to slaughter all the Grisha they want. It happens again, and again. We have tried to be useful, we have tried to prove people we are no threat, we have tried working hand in hand with kings, and it doesn’t work. The Fold is our last chance.”

“You speak as if you had done all of that, but you are barely older than us,” Zoya spits in a venomous tone. “Who do you think you are, Maeve?”

“Y/N,” you interrupt her.

The girl frowns.

“What?”

“My real name is Y/N. Maeve is only my latest identity, I’ve had many of those before.”

Suddenly, Alina’s eyes grow round, and she finally seems afraid of you.

At long last, some intelligence…

“Are you a spy?” David asks, taken aback by your statement.

But you shake your head.

“Not exactly.”

“You are like him.”

All turn to Alina as she speaks again, her voice uneasy.

“You said you are a powerful Durast.”

“Incredibly powerful,” you correct her.

“You are like the Darkling.”

“Aleksander. That’s his name.”

He’ll hate you for saying it out loud, for revealing something so personal about him.

Aleksander. His first name, his true one. The one only you and Baghra know. The one that tastes of the young man you met all these years ago, unconscious in the snow somewhere near Fjerda…

 All around the table frown. As if they never wondered what his name was. And perhaps they truly never cared to wonder. Perhaps the title was enough. It’s easier, anyway, to stare at a man you send to die on a battlefield and see only a rank, a title, and not the human wearing it. It’s easier too to kill an enemy if he is but a shadow, a symbol, and not an actual breathing man.

You lean a little over the table, your forearms resting on the hard surface, your fingers intertwining together.

“Aleksander and I are extremely powerful Grisha. Just like you, Alina. Just like Baghra. Just like Saints.”

“I don’t understand,” Mal admits.

“Grisha draw great strengths from using their powers. The more powerful you are, the better your health. Some of us are so powerful, we are virtually immortal. Or, well, if you smash my head with a sword, I will die. But I barely age at all. I can leave for thousands of years.”

“Bullshit,” Nikolai curses.

“I’m afraid not. It is a great curse, indeed. But power always has a cost.”

“Some would consider themselves lucky to never age. Especially my mother, considering all her efforts to hide her true age…”

“Well, my dear prince, your mother has not seen people dying for hundreds of years.”

Again, Nikolai looked away.

“You said that Alina was like that too…” Mal insists, and you don’t fail to notice the way Alina flees his gaze.

“Indeed. She will without a doubt outlive all of you, and your descendants on many generations.”

“If it’s so unbearable, why are you still alive? We wouldn’t be in this mess if you and the Darkling had given up,” Zoya adds bitterly.

But when you turn to her, your stare is filled with a cold fire that shushes her.

“Many powerful Grisha kill themselves, after a while, after it’s too much to see all the people you love die over and over again. Aleksander and I were lucky, we found each other. And don’t forget that without our efforts, the Little Palace would not exist and Grisha would have never known any type of safety. We were the first to manage to live for longer than a couple of years at the same place, while using our powers, and remain safe.”

“You speak as if you were there when the Little Palace was built,” David frowns.

“I was there,” you correct him. “I built the place. Literally. I am a Fabrikator, after all.”

“You do expect us to believe you?” Mal scoffs, but Alina shushes him quickly. And you can see on the faces of the others that their opinion of you changes as they realize that Alina does, indeed, believe you.

And rightly so. After all, you are telling the truth. The way you had planned to do.

You choose your next words carefully.

“I have seen the same pattern again and again. I know what will happen, because I have seen it before. I have tried every other way to help Grisha: hiding, fighting, being useful, being tamed, being strong… it doesn’t work. It never works, because otkazat’sya are afraid of our power, because they feel different and thus frightened. You ask me to wait, that we are in no rush to change the world, but I have been working towards that goal for hundreds of years. I am not in a rush, I am patient, indeed. But things must change, eventually. And we have an opportunity here that will never present itself again for things to finally go the way we want.”

You heave a sigh, and you seem tired now. Despite your face untouched by the many years you have spent on this earth, there is something new in your gaze, a sadness that doesn’t fit the youth of your features. It seems ancient, brought by a pain too great to have occurred in only a lifetime.

“If you want proof, I can tell you everything you want to know. I’ll tell you how Aleksander and I met. How we ran. How we hid. How we fought. All the things that we tried to help Grisha and how it always failed. How we were betrayed and how we survived. If it can prove my point, then so be it.”

“How old are you?” Alina asks after a short silent.

Her voice is cautious, slow. As if she’s afraid of your answer. And perhaps she is. She should be. After all, it shows how powerful you are, how much of a threat you can be. To her, who is doomed to a deathless life as well, it also means facing the truth about her lover.

Your smile is smug when your lips curl upwards and you answer.

“I’ll turn 889 in a couple of months.”

Over 400 years ago

Os Alta – over the grounds of the royal Palace

Your hands moved relentlessly in those days. There was so much work to be done. You had help, of course, from otkazat’sya workers but also from other Fabrikators. It was the name that was chosen for the Grisha sharing your powers, along with a colour: purple, like the petals of flowers, like berries, like poisons…

But on this room, your work was to be done in solitude. No one could know about the changes you were bringing to Aleksander’s War Room. It would protect you from eavesdroppers, fire, and many other threats. It would be a safe room. Even if Aleksander’s plan in the army seemed to be working for now, you reckoned you couldn’t stop being cautious. You needed safety, as always.

“You are working too late, my love.”

The warm voice filled your heart with something both peaceful and excited. You couldn’t refrain a smile as you turned to your husband, who was walking inside the room and closing the door behind him.

“You must rest,” he insisted, but you shook your head.

“I am perfectly fine. Besides, I can’t work on this room during the day, it’s too risky.”

Of course, he knew you were right. Still, he wished you could rest more, he wished you could be safe and wouldn’t have to hide…

Soon. He hoped it could be soon. With this safe haven you were building together, it could be the answer to everything. Perhaps it could even be a home…

You chuckled fondly as he wrapped his arms around you from behind, pulling you close.

“You’re distracting me!” you complained in faked annoyance, and Aleksander knew perfectly what you were doing.

“You love it.”

“I do not! I am busy!”

“And I am tired and long for a good night of sleep in a comfortable bed with my beloved wife.”

“Is it not too risky?”

“We are safe for now, let’s enjoy it, while it lasts.”

“Do you think this could be it? That we could finally remain safe?”

“I do not know. I hope so.”

“But we’re both too old for foolish hopes, huh?”

You exchanged a sad smile.

“We should not be seen as a couple,” Aleksander went on, and he knew he was breaking your heart a little by saying that, the same way he was breaking his own. “It would be too dangerous.”

“I agree. We are both powerful, we will live long lives… It would be too frightening for the otkazat’sya.”

“Build us a room where we can be ourselves, my love. We will pretend the rest of the time.”

You turned in his arms to face him, and his hand immediately raised to rest over your cheek.

“I’ll make you pay for that,” you warned him, and he raised a surprised eyebrow.

“Really? Will you? And how could I repay this debt towards my favourite Fabrikator?”

“An awful lot of kisses will be required. And some cakes. Lots of sweets.”

You both laughed at that, despite your shared tiredness, despite all the things you had been through. A bright laugh made of bright hope, a fool’s hope perhaps, but hope all the same. The sounds filled up the empty room, and echoed in its blank space.

“So, we’ll hide that we are married?” you asked after growing quiet again, and Aleksander nodded, although you could see it pained him to do so.

“It’s safer this way. If I am to step up, I will have many enemies.”

You nodded, tugging your head on his chest, so he could rest his chin on you.

“We’ll make it work,” you reassured him, feeling the tension in his body, the fear too. “We’ll make it work, Aleks.”

“I know. I’m just… worried that you might… that I might lose you.”

“You won’t lose me. I’ll be right there. And I’ll steal an awful lot of kisses in this room.”

“Is it safe already?”

“Safe enough for us to have this conversation, yes.”

“Can you lock the door?”

“Already done it.”

He chuckled.

“You’re getting good at using your powers without moving your hands.”

“I still had to move a finger, but my hands didn’t touch.”

“That’s my wife. So powerful.”

But he felt you tensing in his gentle hold.

“It will be worth it, right? All these moments together we’ll have to sacrifice, all this fighting, all this work… tell me it will be worth it. Tell me we’ll make it.”

He took your face in both his hands to force you to look up at him.

“It will be worth it,” he assured you, and in his dark eyes, you saw no lies nor doubts. “We will make it through. You and me, the way we have planned. The way we promised each other we would.”

“Until we’re the last ones on Earth?” you still asked in a trembling voice, even if you didn’t doubt him.

He nodded, a smile on his lips as he pulled you in a tight hold again.

“Until we’re the last ones on Earth, my love.”

*****************************************

Taglist : @reg-arcturus-black @wolfmoonmusic @budugu @sayumiht

#the darkling #the darkling x reader #the darkling x you #the darkling x y/n #aleksander morozova #aleksander x reader #aleksander x y/n #the darkling fanfic #the darkling fanfiction #the darkling series #aleksander fanfiction #aleksander fanfic #aleksander series #grishaverse #grishaverse fanfic #grishaverse fanfiction #fanfiction #fanfic #writing #series

[its-tea-time-darling]

things i did NOT like about shadow and bone (netflix):

the darkling looks Old. he's supposed to look the same age as all the other main protagonists. this highlights alina's future of staying the same & young where everyone around her dies. it also blurs the line between good and evil more bc 'oh he's the older bad guy' is just such an easy solve. also while ben barnes is a snack imo the darkling was supposed to have a more alluring, youthful magnetism.

making genya's scars barely a few scratches. she's supposed to objectively have lost her former self perfected beauty!!! this is a thing!!! she doesn't just have some deep scars, she's supposed to look hideous at first sight, where is show adaptation teams' courage to show characters that are supposed to be mutilated as just that???? i promise audiences can survive on literally everyone else on the cast being very stereotypically pretty/handsome 🙄🙄🙄🙄

changing wesper's storyline so that they had a one night stand before canon sets in??? what kind of bullshit is that??? fucking robbing me of the "just girls?" -"not just girls" gay ANgST will they won't they, does jesper like him too, will they ever - BAM. KISS. !!!!!!! succession??? making wylan cute and awkward does NOT compensate their book storyline At All what were those show writers thinking??? 😭😭

this one i will forgive but i still rly liked it in the books so im a tad sad they didn't manage to include it: that alina has a time where she thinks she is morozova's second daughter's descendant. in many respects she has learned she is Special, and the shame she feels when she realizes this isn't another one of these cases, this isn't a way to finally show her A Path, that in this respect she is ordinary and mal is tied to fate that way, that's just such a good touch.

malina going seperate ways. what happened to "they had an ordinary life full of ordinary things--if love can ever be called that."????? "choice is true north" my ASS 😤😤😤😤 malina have always been in love and will always be in love idc abt the firebird amplifier thing that was just sth they had to do they've always been people and they've always loved each other there is no way around it

things i DID like about shadow and bone (netflix)

david and genya. specifically the delivery of the lines "I … I don’t understand half of what goes on around me. I don’t get jokes or sunsets or poetry, but I know metal. Beauty was your armor. Fragile stuff, all show. But what’s inside you? That’s steel. It’s brave and unbreakable. And it doesn’t need fixing. You don't need fixing."

genya telling the queen how she poisoned the king, and genya spitting at nikolai how his apologies are of no use and that he needs to prove a better king. generally just genya. 💞

nikolai sending his mother away + what he says to her.

all the malina flashbacks to the meadow <33

malina last night together 😳😳 they love each other sm!!!!!

the scene at morozova's home. baghra sharing her past, all the reveals happening there, and of course the darkling weeping over his mother's body. "know that i loved you. know that it wasn't enough." like OkAY.

sankta neyar's speech. so deeply touching, and doesn't just apply to immortals but to all of us who have been hurt and suffered loss before.

the darkling begging alina to let him be her monster. A+ delivery.

"How will you have me? Fully clothed, gloves on, your head turned away so our lips can never touch? I will have you without armour, Kaz Brekker. Or I will not have you at all." generally the entirety of kanej in this show. inej's hallucination. the mirroring to the last scene. breathtaking showstopping flawless.

little rabbit.

#shadow and bone #that's all for now #who is late to the party by several months? it's TEA 😃🎉🎉🎉🎉 #txt #shadow and bone netflix #sab #six of crows #soc #wesper #malina #kanej #long post

[kaylasficrecs]

swans dancing by the tides | nikolai lantsov

you were supposed to be royal acquaintances, helping each other learn other nations better, but maybe you ended up just being kids who didn’t care for each other at all, at first...

au where none of the darkling stuff happened. grisha may still exist but are not important to this story. this is kind of a mix between book and show nikolai, so just bear with me. 

note: sorry the request took so long to write, but i’ll be honest, i don’t typically write fics, i recommend them. so here is my first ever published writing on tumblr! i ended up taking some liberties with the storyline, but i was inspired by the request because it reminded me so much of the swan princess. so i hope you enjoy!

tw: talks of violence and death

wc: 4.8k

Age 21

Nikolai Lantsov really should have seen it coming. 

For wasn’t it the classic trope of pulling a girl’s ponytail on the playground to get her to chase you? To get her attention, only on you? Playing small tricks to see you. 

At 21, you seemed to be as beautiful as ever. Not that you were never beautiful, but you had finally found a place in court, settled into your personality. Your kindness and stubbornness oppose each other wonderfully. Being social enough to appease your father, but sipping your drink in different corners for most of the night. You had settled into yourself, and Nikolai hated that he let you get away. 

Age 5

Nikolai was too young to know that he met his future love when he was young. All he remembers from that summer was loving the sea, tasting the salt on his tongue, and wanting to order the crew to just keep sailing, and keep his young dreams true. Little kids don’t remember first glances, side-eyes, and names. Just the moments he spent on the Wandering Isle happily rolling around in a war-free zone with a young girl. Y/h/c hair blowing in the breeze. And your laugh, that is one thing Nikolai can never get out of his mind, memorized it that summer. Oh, how it would be the most annoying sound for years to come. 

Age 11

You had never understood why your father needed to show you the different countries around the True Sea. Sure you loved being out on the ocean (even though the thought of drowning terrified you); you recognized that it brought you closer to your dead mother, and realized that your father felt the same. But you would have been perfectly content still in your little country house during the summer months away from the castle on the Wandering Isle. The coastal home that you yearned for was now sitting in dust, sailing to leave it behind to spend two months in some stuffy castle with people you don’t know, just to keep royal alliances tight. 

You supposed you remembered the young, blond-haired prince from once upon a time. At least you were supposed to remember, but something needed to be more familiar about the royal. Except maybe his eyes, you could briefly remember the coloring clashing against green hills and blue skies. They had shown a golden brown that day. You spoke no words, only polite greetings when getting off the carriage. You didn’t want to be here, you wanted to be back home, or at least out on the sea. You were primarily shy to your hosts, wanting to slink away to the guest room for a little bit before exploring, hoping to find the library you’ve heard so much about, then in turn, a good reading spot, away from any prying eyes. 

As it turned out, the library was right down the hall from your room. So, your wish had come true, sneaking off to the library every night was going to be a piece of cake. Settling down in a chair near a light in there, you eventually heard two voices after a while of reading. 

“You sure we should be doing this?”

“Come on! She’s here for a little while, she should know what she’s getting into just by being here.” 

You peeked around the big wooden door to see two heads of short-cut hair outside a bedroom door. Your bedroom door. It was too dimly lit for you to see what they were doing properly, but you would rather not find out later. 

“Would you mind telling me why I happen to be getting myself into something?” you said at the two boys. 

They froze before turning around. One happened to be your gracious host, Prince Nikolai, the other was unfamiliar. “Well, we just thought that we should be the ones to initiate you into Ravkan customs, seeing as you’ll be here for a while,” the blond said. 

“Ravkan customs? That happens at 1:00 in the morning?”

“Sure.”

“Sure?”

“Yep.” 

“Well, seeing as I’m not even in my room and caught you two, you could just tell me so I’m not surprised when I wake up.”

“Oh no. You’re going to want to experience this one. It’s only for royalty so we must continue,” Nikolai decided to up the ante, he needed to prank her now so he wasn’t forced to hang out with her for two months. He already has to deal with Vasily, he didn’t need another snitch, and this one will shut her right up. 

“Well, I guess that’s okay, could I please get to my bed though? And please don’t make too much noise. This is an adjoining room with my father’s.” 

“Of course! Goodnight, princess.” 

And of course, getting glue all over your face in the morning was just the first prank of many. All summer you tolerated Nikolai and Dominik’s pranks, never being able to quite outsmart them. Those mischievous eyes would haunt you for the year. Until you would see them every summer. 

Age 15

Nikolai had been waiting to be out on the sea. Everything back at the Grand Palace was shit and he needed to get away. Even if that meant sailing to where you were. You had been in Ravka every summer now, for around two months each time. The first two were spent trying to get along with Nikolai and Dominik, yearning for any kind of friendship. Then, for the last two years, you had gone on ignoring them. Rather, you spent time walking around gardens, trying to help out the less privileged in Os Alta, and reading. Most of the time when Nikolai saw you last year, your head was stuck in a book. He was not looking forward to just being ignored by you, in a foreign place no less. 

When he got to the Wandering Isle, he did not expect to be greeted by you. Undoubtedly the king at the very least, but no, it was just you. 

“y/n?” Nikolai said. “What? No royal greeting and red carpet to greet me?” 

“Let’s just get this over with,” y/n stated, walking briskly toward the carriage. Nikolai frowned, did you really not care for him in the slightest? 

You pointed out different landmarks and special shops from the window, giving waves to those who caught that their princess was in the vehicle. Once you got to the palace, you left some maids to show him to his rooms. And that was the most he heard from you for a lot of the trip. Of course, you made polite conversation at breakfast and dinner when he saw you and your father, but that was all. He would take trips to the coast alone, exploring the island. Though he knew you weren’t necessarily a friend, he was hoping to at least spend time with you. Not just going out to the ocean alone, or chatting to the king about royal policies and whatnot. 

Eventually, he found your secret hiding place on a beach close to the castle with only two weeks left in his trip. You were so immersed in reading, that you didn’t notice him walking up. Nikolai took some time to observe you a little. He hadn’t taken note of how much you had grown, seeming to look less like the little girl that he would prank, and more like… 

Well more like something.

“What the hell are you doing here?” y/n had finally noticed the crown prince standing. 

“Didn’t know princesses were capable of that language.”

Y/n signed, “Look. I’ve left you to your own devices all summer, could you please leave me alone to mine? I’ve stayed out of your way so I wouldn’t bother you, and you wouldn’t bother m-”

“Wait. You think you bother me?”

“Isn’t that why you and Dominik used to prank me all the time?”

“Well… a bit, but no! Of course not! You were just an easy target and I was more immature back then.”

“Wow, Nikolai.” He took note of the way she said his name, for the first time ever if he recalled correctly. “An easy target. Okay, well then. Let’s just call this a bit of a truce and you can leave me here to read to make up for it.” Y/n turned back to her book, seemingly done with him. 

“Don’t you want to get to know each other better? Can’t you see where this is leading?” Nikolai was a little exasperated at this point. He had never really liked her, but something was going to happen between them, forced together or not, he would like to know something about the y/h/c girl. Besides, his name sounded nice rolling off her tongue…

“I try not to overthink about that.” She was speechless for a time, trying to come up with an excuse to continue to ignore one another. She finally said, “There are plenty of royal couples you don’t speak to each other while together. I’m sure you and I could manage that.”

Nikolai rolled his eyes, he suddenly remembered why he disliked her so much, those eyes transfixed on him. He bowed to her, “If that is what you wish, your highness,” and strolled off back to the palace to find something to slash with a blade. 

But he came back the next day, to find her sitting in the same spot, reading a different book this time. 

“Wh-”

“Ah, ah, ah. I am here to read by the beach and enjoy the sound of the waves crashing against the shore.” Y/n looked at him aghast. She tried to protest him again, but he just shushed her. Actually shushed her! Y/n didn’t want to deal with the pain an argument would cause, so she just read. 

This carried on for a few days, Nikolai coming and sitting with y/n to read in the afternoon until they would both have to attend dinner with the king. On day five of their reading escapades, y/n asked what he was reading, having never seen that book before. 

“Well, it’s a tale of danger and romance and handsome men like me.”

Y/n couldn’t help but let out a little giggle before asking, “Where did you even find that?” 

“I asked the bookkeeper down in town about the books you liked.” 

She looked at him a bit funny, wondering how he would ever think to go about that; reading a book just for attention must be the poly at foot. But it worked because she suddenly recognized the title and knew it had been one of her favorites. 

They talked through dinner that night about the novel, giving her over-protective father a bit of a fright, but easing his worry when he noticed his daughter had come back with Prince Nikolai. This kept going for the remainder of Nikolai’s stay, reading and talking, eventually more than just books were talked about. He now knows your favorite foods, novels, places, and more. 

Like how he arrived, you were the only one to escort him back to his ship. This time, you took your time walking through the village. Just chatting occasionally, but you both mostly just enjoyed the comfortable silence, trying to soak up each other's presence. 

“You know I still hate you right?” Y/n finally spoke as they reached the docks. 

“Of course princess, I wouldn’t expect anything else,” Nikolai said with a sly smile. 

“But you promise to write though?” Looking back, that’s when Nikolai knew he was done for. Y/n looked at him with her beautiful eyes, reflecting a bit of the sea in the orbs. “About books that you’ve read that you recommend for me okay.” 

More sincerely, less with that teasing voice of his, “Yes. Of course princess.” 

Age 17

Y/n was too stubborn to say that she was excited to see Nikolai again. Because she didn’t even really like him. Right? 

You had kept writing letters back and forth for the better part of more than a year. You hadn’t gotten any back recently, so you were excited to see him. Maybe? 

To be fair, mostly you were going to make sure he was okay after doing his military service. You knew he had lost Dominik during that time, and you just wanted to hug him. Strangely enough? A hug? You must be losing your mind, but you couldn’t help your breathing from stuttering when you saw the cost of Ravka. 

You were supposed to wait for a ride from the Prince himself in Os Kervo, but he didn’t show. You had been waiting in a cafe for hours, not far from the docks when it finally reached nightfall. You and your guards had to book lodgings for the night, you would worry about Nikolai tomorrow. 

Well, he ended up never coming and word from the Grand Palace just said that he was out, seemingly not knowing where their own son was. As you turned back to go home, you sent out wishes of good health and safety to wherever Nikolai was. 

Age 18

Nikolai had found peace at sea. Finally finding himself in waves of blue and green, chasing adventure. 

He found where he belonged. A bastard prince at sea, not in a land where he felt unwelcome. 

When his face was changed by Tolya the first time, he let himself forget the ‘prince life’ for a little while. Helping fight the dangerous and untamed pirates on a ship of his own. He loved the feeling of salt on his tongue and a swaying ship beneath his boots. Never once trying to think about how the ocean would reflect in your eyes. 

Age 21

You could finally see why your father sailed with you when you were young. Though it helped to meet other dignitaries and make sure people still knew that the Wandering Isle was still a power in this world surrounding the sea. And of course, he told everyone his daughter wanted to see the world, setting out into the blue for the sake of you. 

Now, you could see that he just wanted to get away. Yes, spend time with you. But there was something about being on a boat, away from the responsibility and regulations of being a ruler of a country.

Especially when you were doing it all alone. 

You took the longest breath you’ve been allowed since your father died. Let yourself take a moment just for you, opening your mind. The wind and fresh air brought a smile to your face. Though, you were sailing towards a place you were dreading. 

You were back in the Grand Place for the first time in years, though it felt lifetimes away from you. Queen Y/n was invited this time as an official guest, part of an assembly at the palace for who knows what. 

You didn’t like thinking about Ravka. You had sent a few letters to Nikolai after you had gone back to the Wandering Isle at the age of 18, but when he didn’t reply to the last three, you never bothered sending a fourth. You had kept busy though, both on purpose and not. Your father’s death had been a bit of a shock last year and you were thrust into the role of leading a nation.

But you tried your hardest to handle it with grace. Most things had gone well, you had kept your country steady while making hard decisions and balancing all the misogyny with being a queen ruling alone. The only side-effect had been a few panic attacks here and there, but otherwise, you were okay. Doing really well in fact, at least that's what you told everyone at the gathering.

Your gown was modest and blue with some cream-colored accents; not trying to attract any unwanted attention but still trying to represent your country. You mostly kept to yourself throughout the festivities with a drink in your hand. You quickly assessed that this was mostly a social event, a secret meeting between royals and diplomats, you still weren’t quite sure why you had even been invited. 

That was until you caught a pair of hazel eyes that haunt you when you think about the seaside reading spot, grassy hills, and curving letters. 

Nikolai stared at you for what felt like minutes, though it was a quick few seconds till you dashed out of the room. The Prince tried to follow but was swept up by others. 

You couldn’t quite believe that he was back. Alive and well from the looks of it. And of course, at that moment you remembered what day it was, his 22nd birthday. 

In all of the chaos of leading a country, you forgot that it had been fast approaching. When you received the invite for the party, you listened to one of your advisors when they said that it would be good for you to make connections. So you left. Mainly you just needed to be out on the ocean once again, feeling your mother’s voice whisper to you in the winds off the waves. 

Now, as you stood outside the Grand Palace, you were begging your body not to break down. It was all too much between the travel, social interaction, and seeing Nikolai for the first time in six years. With the ringing in your ears and your breathing not being able to go back to a regular pace, you never heard his boots coming up right behind you. 

“Y/n?” Nikolai called as he saw you standing in the middle of the courtyard. “Look, I’m sorry I wa- are you alright?”

You could briefly hear someone in the background, and as you prayed that it wasn’t him, you started to hyperventilate even faster. 

Nikolai rushed over to you the minute he heard your breathing pick up again. This time standing in front of you he asked, “Y/n, darling, are you okay?” 

Your vision was starting to go spotty, and you could briefly hear the person in front of you ask if you were okay, so you shook your head. 

“Okay, okay. It’s alright sweetheart. It’s gonna be okay,” Nikolai wrapped his arms around your shaking frame. 

When he hugged you, you initially started to cry harder, you couldn’t deal with him. But the longer he just held you outside in the cool air of Os Alta at night, the more you felt a sense of peace. You must have stayed in his hold for 20 minutes while he was rocking you back and forth and whispering phrases of comfort, “Listen to my heartbeat, you’re okay. You’re just outside the palace with me. Everything is alright.”

When everything had finally calmed down, only did he let you off his chest, still keeping his arms partly wrapped around you, “Darling, are you doing alright?” 

You didn’t know when he had started to refer to you as darling (you might have recalled it from a few of his letters), but that made you catch up with reality as you took a breath, “Alright? That’s all you have to ask me right now!” You pushed away from him, “I don’t see you for six years and that’s how you speak to me! I’m not your darling right now Nikolai!”

“Alright, alright.”

“If you say alright one more time…”

“Okay. Look. I’m sorry, a lot of shit has happen-”

“You’ve had a lot of shit happen. God Nik, I forgot how self-centered you can be. You make me want to slap you.”

“Then go ahead! I know I deserve it Y/n. I know. I do. But I just needed to invite you here. See if you would show.”

“Why? Why did you call for me now? You haven’t bothered in the past few years.”

“Because I miss you, okay! I miss you. I miss your writing and our talks about literature. I miss seeing your face and hearing your laughter. I miss your stubborn ass. Your beautiful and shy mind… but mostly I just needed to see your eyes. The eyes that hold the night sky for me. The eyes that I see when I look out onto the ocean. The ones I wished I hadn’t let get so far away.” He reached for you, cupping your face in his hands, rubbing his thumbs along your cheeks to wipe away tears, even if it was the only time he ever got to do so. Then he spoke words that you were afraid of hearing, “Stay. Please, let me make it up to you. Please just stay.”

You finally looked into his captivating, mischievous hazel eyes, yearning to give the answer he craved, the answer you wanted to say at the tip of your tongue.

But sadly, something else fell off your lips, “I can’t Nik,” you sobbed and his face fell, eyes losing hope. “I have a kingdom to rule now. I can’t just stay in Ravka and leave everyone behind. I was supposed to be making alliances tonight, I thought this was just a networking thing. I forgot it was your birthday,” he smiled a bit at that, he supposed it was warranted. “God I wish I could,” your lips trembled as you said the last part, “but I have to leave you here. I need to go home.” 

Nikolai took a stuttering breath, knowing he couldn’t change your mind, his stubborn girl. “Well then, is it too much to ask for just tonight then?”

You smiled a little, “And ditch your own party, Nikolai? I could never ask that.”

“I’m not asking, I’m offering” 

The smile that he spent so long dreaming of finally broke across your face, “Okay then, my prince, what shall we do for the night?”

“I can think of a few things.” You gave an eye roll at that. 

Nikolai and Y/n had spent the whole night raiding the kitchen and building a fort in his bedroom, talking the night away, sharing grief and sorrows as well as joyous moments. She ended up falling asleep on his shoulder at some point, and him not long after. 

Awaking in the morning was torture, meaning their night had come to a close. They could no longer just be friends under a blanket fort, instead a queen going back to her nation and a prince returning to duty for the first time in years. They didn’t talk much that morning, as he saw her off to her ship. Y/n couldn’t bear to hug him, for she might never let go. So Nikolai did the most charming thing he could muster without breaking down. “Till we meet again, princess,” lifting and kissing the back of her hand as he bowed a little. The gesture made her giggle and tears to well up yet again. 

He would keep that sound locked away for as long as he could. 

“I’m a queen now Nik, come on.” 

“I know. But I thought if I annoyed you a little before you left, you wouldn’t miss me as much,” mustering his best smile at the moment for her. 

He almost didn’t hear the next word y/n mumbled, but he would be forever grateful that he could, “Impossible.”

“Goodbye Nikolai.”

“Goodbye, my darling.” 

Age 23

Nikolai had kept busy with royal duties this time, instead of sailing away his grief and trauma. He knew the ocean made him think of her and he couldn’t have that, not when he was trying to prepare to rule a country.

His father had taken ill and wasn’t looking any better in weeks since it started. And Vasily was… well Vasily, in no shape to rule Ravka. 

So Nikolai was trying his best. Key word trying. 

The days were getting so long until a butler walked into his study one day, “Can you not see I’m busy with stuff right now.”

“Yes. I know sir. But you had informed me to alert you in any news or business related to the kingdom of the Wandering Isle.”

“Yes?” Nikolai suddenly sounded more hopeful.

“Well, one of the maids was cleaning and found this stash of unopened letters from what would be the future Queen Y/n Y/l/n. I thought this might be of interest.”

“Leave.”

“I beg your pardon, your highness?”

“Leave the letters and get out. Please,” He knew he was being rude, but he couldn’t possibly care at the moment. 

“Sorry,” he mumbled as the servant walked out. Nikolai had stood from his desk, looking at the bundle of letters. He heard the door shut as he looked upon the familiar hand script scrawled across the front, reading his name. There were at least eight letters that you had sent to the palace while he was off being Sturmhond. He sat in a chair by the fireplace to settle down as read words from the person he missed the most, whose eyes he yearned to see.

Y/n was so present in the letters, your tone and stubbornness coming out in each line. But they got a little sadder as he read through them; you were wondering why he hadn’t replied in a while. Concern spread out in your words, just hoping that he was okay. His emotions were thin as he picked up the last letter, scared of how it would make him feel. But he had to push through, he needed to feel a bit guilty about how he left you alone. 

Nikolai,

I think this is going to be my last letter. You haven’t written back in almost a year. 

I wrote a letter to your parents, again, recently. They don’t know where you are either, and I know they're worried. So, if this ever reaches you Nik, please let them know you’re okay. And selfishly, I need to know that you're doing alright too. Just a simple note or a sign, I just need to know that you are okay.

Please.

I just. I need you right now Nik. I need your words. It’s just so much right now. I know I haven’t mentioned this in my past letters because I didn’t want to worry you, but my dad passed away. I haven’t really had time to process it and now I have to run a country all by myself. I could just really use some classic words of wisdom from you, some comfort if you could spare that. 

But mostly I just need you. Your eyes and golden hair. Your stupid jokes and even more stupid pranks (they truly are the worst love). I need your hugs and your musky scent around me. When I’m too overwhelmed, I try to think of your eyes. The hazel color brings a lot of comfort, they make me think of summers with my father and you. 

I reread your letters a lot, I don’t know if you read mine at all. We’ve sent each other over 50 letters each over the years, did you know that? I read one every night to keep good dreams in my mind before I drift off. Do you do the same? I guess I might never know. 

As I said before, this is my last letter, I have other things to focus on and I can’t think about you too much right now. I just can’t. I hope you understand. And I hope you’re okay. 

I miss you. I could use your charm and humor right now. But you’re probably off doing important, yet adventurous things. The ones you always read about. 

I wish for you to one day find what you’re searching for Nik. 

Love, Y/n

God, he couldn’t keep the tears in no matter how much he tried. He truly did not deserve her. 

But if there was one thing that this letter confirmed is that they’ll always need each other, that she loves him the same as he loves her.

And he was for sure not going to let her go again, as he got ready in boots and an all too familiar privateer coat. 

©kaylasficrecs 2023

thx for reading <3

#nikolai lantsov x reader #grishaverse #shadow and bone #one shot #flangst #fanfic #my writing #writing #request #reader insert #fem!reader

[heliads]

Oh! maybe an alina starkov x fem!reader?? it doesn't have to be a big deal, just one where alina and reader enjoy an afternoon together after the end of ruin and rising, thinking about when they came to be together and how much it was all worth it. maybe reader is a healer so she can take care better of the orphanage kids

anything for my favorite saint

masterlist

When you close your eyes, you can still see the ghosts. Hear them, too. They scream more than they speak. Most of the friends you’ve ever had ended up dead before they really got a chance to live. Is that their fault for not trying hard enough to make it through the war, or is it your fault for surviving when they didn’t?

They’ll be gone when you wake up. You’re vaguely aware of this, but not enough to force yourself out of the nightmare now. After all, where else would you see all of the people you’ve lost? When you dream, you dream of how they died, but sometimes you see older memories too, back when everything was still a little bit alright and they could smile more than they didn’t.

The nightmare ends soon enough. Your eyes fly open, your heart beating fast in your chest as you look around. You force yourself to follow your normal nighttime routing before your panic grows uncontrollable. Look around you– familiar four walls, sturdy ceiling. This is not the Little Palace, this is not the duke’s orphanage at Keramzin. Not the old one, at least.

This is the place that has become your home once again. You are here because the war is over. Once the Darkling died and the Shadow Fold fell, Alina Starkov offered you a chance to rebuild, one place at a time. The orphanage was her first choice, and it was yours as well. She gave Mal Oretsev the same chance, but he hadn’t yet seen his fill of the world. You have no idea where he is now; Kerch, perhaps, or some other distant corner of Ravka or another nation, but he’s happy, at least, and you’ve long since learned that matters more than anything else.

The new orphanage is yours and Alina’s, then. That’s the way it was at the start. Alina showed up first, then you, then Mal. You left it first, though. Before the Grisha tester came around to Keramzin, before she saw something in you that she shouldn’t have, you had almost liked it there, as much as any orphan could love a cold hall that was never quite warm enough to be home.

All good things come to an end, though, even the times that are only half-good. Suddenly, you had gone from spending your days and nights attached to Alina by the hip to being completely separated from her. They took you away from Keramzin to learn the Grisha arts in Os Alta, and they say you did not stop weeping for the friend you lost for a month, at least.

Alina confessed to you later that she thought you would have forgotten her at the Little Palace. You were only at the orphanage at Keramzin for such a short time, and Os Alta had far more marvels than little girls in dark halls could ever offer you.

This, you have told her on several occasions, could not be further than the truth. You never lost sight of your best friend, not when they dressed you in Corporalnik red and trained you to be a Healer, not when the years flew by and people started thinking that you’d always been in Os Alta and never anywhere else.

You certainly didn’t forget her when she showed up years later, lost in rumors that she might be the Sun Saint come to save you all. You had flown into her arms the second you were able, and you saw it in her eyes even then, how the fear left her in a flash. Alina knew she would be safe so long as you were with her. No harm could come to either of you if you were together again.

This only ended up being half true. Harm and danger have gotten to know both of you quite well indeed, but you survived the war. Now, you’re back to the way it was again– Alina without her powers, you still with yours, and both of you returning to Keramzin to start the orphanage up again after the Darkling had razed it.

You had never intended to return. They told you that you were capable of amazing things, that you were destined for big crowds with shiny trappings. Miracles only come to the powerful, and a quiet afterlife isn’t encouraged in Os Alta. They had managed to persuade you that you were only so good as your gifts, and you believed them.

You believed them, then it destroyed you piece by piece, and the world took it upon itself to fix that. And so you find a girl, and you let her into your heart enough to convince you to leave your entire world behind. You learn what love is, you learn that love shouldn’t be dependent on what you can achieve as a Grisha but you, only you. You help her create an orphanage. You care for the children who wander your way. It is a life, and it is a good one. Sometimes, you think it’s better than you deserve. You let the girl assure you otherwise.

And now? Now, you’re happy. You watch the sun rise and fall over the hills, and you remember watching Alina summon the sunlight for the first time. It had been marvelous, and she had looked over her shoulder for you the second she did it. It was you and her, forever and always. Even when neither of you were Grisha. Even when you both were. Even now, when you are but she isn’t.

Alina says she doesn’t miss her powers, but you’ve seen the way she watches you when you’re healing kids in the medical wing. For someone who claims she’s perfectly happy to remain human, her eyes linger on how your hands flex and move whenever you use your Corporalnik abilities. At her sides, her fingers always twitch, as if remembering how to call forth a power that no longer answers to her.

You want to offer the use of your abilities, to see if you can heal her enough to potentially give her back the capacity of summoning sunlight again. You think she wants to ask too at times, but both of you are too afraid to imply that there is something broken in her that is fixed in you, and so the quiet ones stay silent for now, at least.

The ceiling over your head feels a little too low, too controlling, so you dress quickly, slipping out of your room under the dim light of dawn. Most of the kids won’t be awake for another few hours, so you won’t have to worry about disturbing them. They’re well behaved kids anyway. They know what it’s like to lose a home, so they’re not that inclined to mess up this one with a few bad choices.

You slip out the back door and into the stands of wild grass. Every time you walk into this meadow, you almost think it’s a dream. You saw it often enough whenever you closed your eyes back at the Little Palace that actually being able to return has never quite been able to seem like anything other than an impossibility.

It has changed since you were a child, obviously. Most of the grass burned away when the Darkling destroyed the orphanage, and it’s slow in coming back. The trees have been blighted, but they’re getting better. We are all getting better.

You take a few steps more then pause, cocking your head to the side as you register the sound of heartbeats emanating from the ground a few paces away. You follow the beating until you come to a stop in front of a young woman lying on her back in the grass. Her eyes are closed, but she still smiles when she says, “I knew you’d find me out here.”

You smile back and take a seat on the ground next to her. “It’s your favorite spot, Alina. Where else would I look?”

Alina cracks open her eyelids enough to glance up at you. “Consider me overly nostalgic, then. Can you blame me? It’s quiet out here.”

You chuckle softly. “I know. I remember it being louder, though. Maybe there were more birds or something.”

“Or maybe we weren’t out here at dawn. We slept in more often when we were small,” Alina retorts.

There’s a silent despair in those words. You could sleep more when you were little because you had far less to fear. The only people you had lost were your parents. Now you have buried far more than just two people, and your sleep suffers accordingly.

That time has passed, though. There will be no more conflict, not for either of you. Not if you have your way with it.

“Still,” you whisper, “it’s a nice place.”

Alina hums in agreement. “We used to come out here all the time, didn’t we? You and me and Mal.”

Obnoxiously, your mood sours at the mention of Mal. He was your friend too, but you always liked Alina more, and you always feared that she would in turn prefer his company. You certainly heard enough rumors of Alina’s boy back home when she first came to the Little Palace. You had assumed those rumors were false when she chose to live at the orphanage with you instead of him, but your insecurities always choose to argue that whenever you think of him.

You sigh. “Mal wasn’t the only one in that meadow, you know.”

Alina sits up on her elbows, tilting her head back so she can stare at the brightening sky. “I know. Sometimes it was just us.”

You keep your eyes focused on the grass in front of you. “To me, it was just us.”

“It was the same for me,” Alina replies. 

You risk a peek her way and realize that she’s smiling. It’s the same soft smile she always wears with you, the one that tells you that she’s finally let her guard down. She never quite had it with Mal, but she had it with you. Always with you. There’s a reason for that, you know. There’s a reason for that, if you care enough to look.

And when have you not cared enough about Alina? She was your sun to orbit ever since the very first day you arrived at Keramzin. You have needed her every day of your life, and now you have her now, you have her forever. If you do not use the time you have, it will be wasted, and you have lost enough years to blood and bone to frivolously use up any more.

“I love you,” you say suddenly.

Alina goes quiet. At last, she looks at you, and says, “I love you too. I always have.”

“I know,” you tell her, “I know.”

You do. You know everything about Alina. And, the reason you stayed with her, the reason you left the rest of the Grisha to come home with her, the knowledge that she loved you just as much as you loved her, even if neither of you had properly addressed it. There was no reason to say such an obvious truth, not then. Still, it’s nice to hear it now.

Alina reaches through the struggling grass to take your hand. She passes her thumb over your knuckles as if to say:  here are your hands, which have cost lives and given them back, which have fought in wars and won them, and I want them anyway. There is no part of you that Alina does not want, even the quiet voices and the dark, looming memories. All of it is beautiful to her. It could be naive, or it could just be the love of someone who has known you all your life and understands enough to want to keep you in hers.

You can hear the distant sounds of the children starting to wake, how the laughter and voices begin to trickle out of the windows and doors. The sun rises on a new day, a good day, and you breathe in the gentle heat of the morning. There is much to do, but that is not a bad thing. Not at all.

requested by @cassiecrown, i hope you enjoy!

grishaverse tag list: @rogueanschel, @deadreaderssociety, @cameronsails, @mxltifxnd0m, @gods-fools-heroes, @retvenkos, @mayfieldss, @story-scribbler, @eclliipsed, @bl606dy, @auggie2000, @baju69, @crazyhearttragedy, @budugu, @aoi-targaryen

all tags list: @wordsarelife

#alina starkov #alina starkov imagines #alina starkov x reader #alina starkov oneshot #grishaverse #grishaverse imagines #grishaverse x reader #grishaverse oneshot #shadow and bone #shadow and bone imagines #shadow and bone x reader #shadow and bone oneshot #grishaverse alina #grishaverse alina imagines #grishaverse alina x reader #grishaverse alina oneshot

[aleksanderscult]

Favorite Darkling quotes

I'm gonna write my favorite Darkling quotes 'cause a) I'm bored b) I love him and miss him so much.

Anyways I'm not gonna rate them cause every one of them is fucking iconic (as he is).

Let's get into this!

"Blue sky. Once more. Speak my name once more... Don't let me be alone."

These might be my most favorite quotes of his. His last words. 'Cause with his last breath he showed that he was only human after all. Cruel and damaged, yes. But still human.

There is no safe place. There is no haven. Not for us. There will be, he promised in the darkness, new words written upon his heart. I will make one.

I ADORE these lines. Less than 24 hours ago two Grisha tried to kill him (one of them a supposed friend) and what did he tried to do after that? Create a safe space for his kind in order for them not to go through what they went through. If he's the villain for this then I wish we had this kind of villain in our world.

‌"All men can be made fools."

OKAY OKAY LISTEN. I love this line for two reasons. Firstly, cause it's true. Every person can be made a fool. BUT! Secondly and most importantly, he hints to Mal and Alina (Alina actually cause Mal didn't know he was there) that he was made a fool too because of Alina. He fell in love with her and felt hope for the first time after centuries that this new person would be like him, live with him and spend eternities together. He would no longer be alone. And she seemed that she wanted him too as far as he could tell. And then what happened? She run off, found Mal and turned her back on him and their country. That mostly disappointed him, I think. In a large degree. And he must have thought what a fool he was to trust her and fall for her. Hence that amazing line.

Let me make a mark on this world before I leave it.

And boy did he not make it? Years after his death in R&R and people still talk about him. He made a mark not only on the world but on people too (no pun intended for Genya I swear. I love her😭). He made a huge impact and even antis have to admit that. Actually more than the actual protagonist but anyways *coughthe fact that the villain made bigger impact than the heroes in the storycough*

"Fight me as long as you're able. You will find I have far more practice with eternity."

You fucking iconic legend with your fucking iconic lines. And yes, I believe him. No matter how many decades Alina would fight him, he would be unmovable.

‌"It’s harder when you like them. You mourn them more."

That line is so true. The more you care, the more you get hurt. I'm sorry but a quality that people often overlook about the Darkling is his wisdom. I would sit and listen for hours to him talking about life, love, death and people. After so many centuries he's so knowledgeable.

Also, this line makes me wonder how many people he had loved, lost and mourned. Because obviously he talks from experience. *Sigh* I would die to read a book about his whole life before Alina.

He only wished that it wasn't winter. He wanted to turn his face to the sun and feel it warm him. He'd been a long time in the dark.

Yeah he's cruel and manipulative and the villain and blah, blah, blah. But again this line proves his humanity. He loves the sun (how much are you willing to bet people that his favourite season is Summer😏), he loves the sunlight, its warmth and light (another clue that Alina is his soulmate dc what anyone says). Our baby was resurrected and first things first he wanted his wife beside him and the sun to hit his face (priorities people🥹😍).

"Then I'd be alone too."

(*whispering*don't cry, don't cry, don't cry)

So. Heh. I may have a soft spot for fictional characters that suffer from loneliness. Probably because I have suffered from it too most of my life (🫠). I'm sorry but you can hate him all you want alright? No one can stop you. But people that don't feel an ounce of sympathy or pity for him and what he has gone through are just useless to talk to. Most of all he wants someone to make him company to this endless sea of eternity.

Deep blue like the True Sea. Red like the roofs of the Shu temples. The pure, buttery color of sunlight—not really yellow or gold, what would you call it? All the colors you couldn't see in the dark.

(fuck. lost control of my tears after all)

Baby shadow summoner can control the dark and its blackness and yet he loves all colors that are bright. But most of all the sunlight.

(DARKLINA STANS RISE)

Also, he made the Grisha keftas blue, red and purple because he loved these colors the most, change my mind *sip tea*

‌"Fine. Make me your villain."

Ah, yes. The cult classic one. Honestly, this line makes me feel bad for him. Cause he has tried the peaceful solution so many times (not with just Alina but generally). At this point he's like: "Fuck it. If I have to become a monster then so be it." They leave him no choice and furthermore he's obviously grown tired of trying diplomacy.

"I’ll be certain you hear it when I make her scream."

I froze the first time I read this line but now I laugh every time I do. Here he shows how petty he can be and how much shame he doesn't have (in your face Mal😚).

‌"My Alina. You cannot run from me."

OKAY LISTEN

I know it sounds creepy but "my Alina" and "I'll always find you" MY DARKLINA HEART GUYS

‌"I know what you thought, what you always thought of me. It's so much easier that way, isn't it?"

My strategic baby. But this line is also sad. Cause he knows how Alina views him and, even if he hides it well, deep down I bet it hurts him.

‌"You two have a bad habit of acting like fools and calling it heroic."

Isn't that the truth tho? Our boy spitting facts once again. Also this line can be applied to other characters from different fandoms as well.

‌"I seem to be a victim of my own wishes where you are concerned."

TRANSLATION: I TEND TO FORGET ABOUT THE WORLD-DOMINATION PLAN CAUSE I WANT TO BE WITH YOU, LIVE WITH YOU, LOVE YOU, MARRY YOU, HAVE 7 KIDS WITH YOU AND DRINK SOME TEA ON THE PORCH TOGETHER WHILE THE SUNLIGHT HITS US

TRANSLATION NO2: I GOT MY ASS KICKED CAUSE I WAS TOO BUSY THINKING THAT I WAS KISSING YOU AND WOULD FINALLY HAVE THAT WEDDING THAT I WAS PLANNING BABE

Is this line a kind of love confession or what? 🥺🙃

‌"We all have our secrets."

Mostly I love this line cause it just sounds cool. But after I read the book for a second time I realized that it could tie with the "Demon in the Woods" book. It's a nice little nod. If you get it, you get it😉.

‌Why did you go to her? Because with her he was human again.

A nice (though bittersweet) little way to end this post. 🥹

With Alina he felt human again. That part that was buried deep beneath him and rarely if not ever got out. Do you remember how she made him laugh with her honest remarks on "Shadow and Bone"? How his eyes closed and his breath stopped when she reached to stroke his cheek on R&R? How he broadly smiled when she laughed about how common his name was? That was Aleksander Morozova (especially that last part). The boy that grew up forcefully and was thrown to a cruel world too soon, too violently. They were these 400+ years that made him cruel. It was eternity that broke him. Loneliness and pain that made him withdraw. Until Alina came. And she could bring to the surface that buried, broken boy. And it felt good to him (although inconvenient too). She made him feel vulnerable. And when he was resurrected he seeked her out to feel that way again. Human.

*sigh*

Thanks for coming to my ted talk guys. 😔✌️

Feel free to write in the comments your own favorite quotes of him 😊❤️

#my boy wanted love and company #somebody please hug him #but also he's so fucking iconic #slay #r&r #shadow and bone #ruin and rising #siege and storm #grishaverse #quotes #favourite quotes #the darkling #pro darkling #aleksander morozova #pro aleksander morozova #alina starkov #darklina #pro darklina

[kasagia]

Aleksander Morozova's Masterlist

One-shots

I'll be back for you Part 2

The Moon Summoner ran away with Alina from the Little Palace with the help of Kaz Brekker's crows. The group successfully escaped from Darkling's hands, but that doesn't mean he will forget about his Y/N. He's going to chase her until she is in his arms again. However, Mr. Brekker did not let his childhood friend disappear without a trace from his life again. He will protect her. For all costs. After all, she was his newest investment.

My love will never die

You knew Aleksander before he was a Black Heretic, a foldmaker. You married him and promised to be by his side through thick and thin. And you never, ever regretted your choice. However, one day, your paths parted in an unfortunate way, and you both believed that the love of your lives was gone forever. After many centuries, you meet again with a man very similar to your Aleksander. And you start to wonder... maybe your love never die after all?

Familiar flame

Aleksander lost his Y/N the day he created the fold. The king's soldiers killed his one true love in front of his eyes. His despair and anger led to the creation of a dark fold. After centuries, Aleksander meets a girl identical to his beloved… her reincarnation. Will he be able to restore your memories? Could he get you back after centuries of mourning you? Or maybe Aleksander finally lost his mind…

Devoted

Aleksander and Baghra have been your family since you left the house of your father, who blamed you for your mother's death in childbirth. You and Sasha became more; he was your epic love interest and mentor. You wanted to be just like him… until one event radically changed your beliefs and led you to doubt your great purpose.

Second Waltz

For the Winter Fete, you were supposed to waltz with your friend the tidemaker and at the same time use your Grishas' power to entertain the king, queen and all the other self-righteous nobles. In your wildest dreams, you wouldn't have thought you'd end up dancing with General Kirigan...

Would've, Could've, Should've...

Your life would have been completely different if it wasn't for Aleksander. You regret meeting him... but saints only know that he is the one who can make you feel this way...

Innocent

You're not like the other Grishas. It took you some time to master your power, but you're still unsure of your control over it. That's why it scares you when you're chosen for a special mission in Fjerda. Luckily your general cares about all his people... or at least about you... actually way too much, but you're not going to complain at all.

In the darkness

After you and Alina destroyed the fold, she killed Aleksander and became queen at Nikolai's side, you took the place, tittle and chambers of the General of the Second Army. And then… strange things starts to happen in the darkness.

Between the bookshelves

It was so easy for you to fall for the Black General. It took him one visit to the library in the Grand Palace to catch your eye and make you fantasise about him - a dangerous, mysterious ancestor of the Black Heretic. But that was all that could happen between you two... fantasy, daydreaming, or dreaming at midnight in the privacy of your chamber. He was the strongest of all Grishas, and you… you were just a librarian woman. But maybe your fantasies and huge/little crush on Darkling can turn into something much more?

Lovers to strangers

The worst thing that can happen is to go from a passionate, ardent feeling to indifference. Turning the people you held dearest into strangers. But could YOUR Aleksander ever be a stranger to you again? You have to choose what is more important to you. Ravka and the crown that is rightfully yours, or the man who trampled on your naive, young heart. The choice should be simple... right?

Mini-series

Bring me a dream (suspended until 06.2024)

I've been waiting a long time to meet you in my dreams…

I've never heard silence quite this loud...

And all I know is this could either break my heart or bring it back to life…

You know there's many different ways that you can kill the one you love... The slowest way is never loving them enough...

But I don't know what to say since the twist of fate when it all broke down... And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now...

And I want you now, wanna need you forever, In the heat of your electric touch.

Everyone has their soulmate—someone they are meant for. This was due to Sankta Maradaia, who decided to connect two souls destined for each other during their sleep to show them their other half, Sankta also sent them a tattoo of their loved one name, so that souls thirsting for each other can finally be united. Aleksander never had even one, short dream about his soulmate. Just a tattoo that has taunted him for ages. The Darkling believes this is his punishment for creating the fold, another privilege of being condemned. To never know his soulmate. But one day, a dream about a sun summoner comes to him. Someone equal to him. Someone meant for him. And he promises himself to find you at all costs. Not just because of your powers.

❄️️Warm my heart❄️️

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8

December. Everyone in the Little and Grand Palaces is excited about the upcoming holidays. Only the Black General seems rather... depressed. Like every year when these holidays are coming closer. Maybe this year, since you've been promoted to his second-in-command, you can make the general's holidays a little more enjoyable? And you're not doing it because you're in love with him and you want to see him finally careless happy... not even a little bit.

Can't catch me now...

Part 1 Part 2

The Hunger Games in Ravka. 12 districts. 12 tributes. 12 mentors. 11 young people die every year. 1 winner. Aleksander was a mentor to many. But only your face will haunt him for centuries.

#aleksander kirigan #aleksander morozova x y/n #aleksander morozova x reader #aleksander morovoza #aleksander x y/n #aleksander morozova #the darkling x oc #the darkling x y/n #the darkling x you #the darkling #general kirigan #darkling #the darkling x reader #general kirigan x reader #darkling shadow and bone #shadow and bone #oneshot #masterlist #kasagia

[sapphicsaints]

What if reader was Nikolai’s sister who’s in a relationship with Tamar and when they’re at sea they can actually be together but on land they can’t because it’s forbidden, maybe a jealousy one where her parents are pushing reader into an arranged marriage.

princesses get what they want

Tamar x Reader

Word Count: ~2.3k

Summary: “I’ll figure it out. Princesses are used to getting what they want.” 

“Oh and am I something you want?” Her eyes glimmered with a challenge.

A/N: Thank you so much for the request! I had fun writing this.

I was pissed when Nikolai said no to me accompanying them on the whaler. But he had a point - it’s too risky to have both of us together, to chance the Darkling recognizing us. Tailoring only went so far. We can’t shake the mannerisms we share, even the crew suspect we’re related, although they don’t know our true identities. Plus, it would be a shame for Ravka to lose both of their spares in one go. 

“I can’t trust you not to snap back at the Grisha.” He didn’t face me, still stood pouring over a map. 

My eyes narrowed. “Can’t trust me?” 

His head snapped over his shoulder. “You know as well as I do that your attitude can be … volatile.” 

I scoffed. “I have self control.” 

“Do you not remember the fight you got in with the Grisha children? How did that end last time?” 

“With a few bruised egos.” I laughed at the memory. Nikolai didn’t laugh. I’d caused quite the headache, and he’d been the one to explain it to my mother. 

Tamar snickered from the corner and I shot her a glare. She’s not helping the situation. 

--

I couldn’t help the relief I felt when Tamar returned safe, nor the anger when Nikolai announced she’d be sharing quarters with the Sun Summoner. I dragged him away to have a quiet, but heated exchange. 

“You didn’t bother to ask me before kicking me out of my room?” I hissed. 

“There’s a better room for you.” He tried to soothe. 

“Oh you know that’s not the reason.” 

He winced, looking around for someone to come interrupt. I poked a finger into his chest. “You owe me one.” He nodded before waving Privyet over, I took that as my chance to leave and find Tamar. 

I intercepted her on her way back up to get her rations. “Did you agree to this before?” I asked through clenched teeth. 

“I found out when you did.” She shrugged. 

“You’re not upset?” 

“Of course I am.” She said, with a tone of surprise, “But I can’t question him in front of everyone.” 

I sighed, she has a point. “I’m stealing you for a few hours.” I said, before dragging her back down, she laughed. 

--

“Are you excited to be back?” Alina asked as we walked into our lodgings for the night.

I looked at her, it was a genuine question. “I’d rather be anywhere else.” I answer drily. Tolya chuckled behind me. 

“Why?” She pushed. 

I sighed, not in annoyance, but explaining the situation might make it a bit more real than I want to. 

“Come on,” I said, and tugged her up the stairs towards our room. I shut the door and sat on the windowsill, motioning for her to take a seat. She sat on my bed, looking vaguely uncomfortable. The door opened again, Tamar walked in and leaned against it. I didn’t pay much attention to her, it would hurt too much to look at her now, and to explain this. Before she could say anything I started explaining. 

“Once we get back, they’re going to start trying to marry me off.” Alina glanced toward Tamar, her expression stony. I couldn’t meet her eyes. “And I love being called a bastard.” 

Alina’s eyes widened. I’m sure she’d heard the rumors, but confirmation is another thing entirely. 

I chuckled darkly, “Mother couldn’t stay away from the Kaelish.” There was a bite in my voice, an edge. “Isn’t it obvious?” I said, waving my hand over my face. Neither of the women in the room commented, Tamar already knew but Alina seemed in shock. I pushed myself up from my seat, heading to the door. I stopped a few paces away, turning my head over my shoulder.  

“I love my brother, but do yourself a favor and don’t marry him. Court is fucked up, you don’t want to be involved any more than you have to be Sun Summoner.”

I brushed past Tamar, “Always the dramatics” she whispered in my ear. I rolled my eyes but walked out. Hopefully she wasn’t on guard duty tonight, and I could steal her for a few hours. 

“You like it.” I said, and closed the door behind me. I heard her talking to Alina behind me, but didn’t reply. My shoulders sagged as I walked out the door. I felt it coming back - the burden. I didn’t like it. 

--

“You’ve finally returned.” Mother kissed both of my cheeks and I had to fight the urge to cringe back. 

“Did you not get any of our summons?” She asked. 

“They must’ve been lost.” I replied, my voice a bit distant. The tone I'd always adopted at home. I saw Tamar glance at me out of the corner of my eye, but I didn’t dare look back. If there was a mirror nearby I'd have been able to see the mask that slowly set in place, the hardness that settled in behind my eyes. It’s a shame how quickly old habits settle back in. One glance at Nikolai, and I saw it on him. My eyes narrowed as I watched Vasily sitting next to ‘father’. The hatred that swarmed through my body threatened to burst through, the one who’d made my life living hell growing up. The tension must’ve been palpable because I felt Nikolai’s hand on my shoulder. 

“It’s been a long journey.” He said, “We’ll settle in and return for dinner.” He steered me out of the room, hand on my shoulder, and I caught Tamar’s eye on the way out. I winked at her, and to her credit she didn’t break face - but I saw the amused glint in her eyes. At least one of us found it funny. It didn’t escape our parents' attention that we didn’t ask to be dismissed, that we left. It was a subtle threat - that we could leave again if we wanted to. 

“Did we really have to come back?” I muttered to Nikolai as we walked out of the throne room. 

“The walls have ears.” He replied, and I sealed my mouth shut. “We’ll talk later.” He finished, dropping me off at my room. I forced a smile on my face as servants began fluttering in and out, all but shoving me straight into the bath.

--

I agreed to meet her, just past sundown, on the grounds. She said there’s something she wants to show me. Sneaking past my guards and all of the servants dotting around too a bit of effort - and a little bit of blind faith, jumping out of the window into the soft bushes. 

I landed with a grunt, and heard laughter coming from across the lawn. My eyes narrowed and I saw a figure running towards me. Her. She’s supposed to meet me somewhere else completely. I’m struggling out of the bushes when her hand appears in front of me. I considered batting it away but ended up taking it and let her heave me to my feet, dragging me out of the bushes. I cross my arms to glare at her. 

“You weren’t supposed to be anywhere near here.” 

She laughed, a grin spreading across her face. The grin I love so much. “I couldn’t miss seeing the princess land in the bushes.” 

“How’d you know I’d take the window? I could’ve snuck through the halls.”

“Past all the guards Nikolai has stationed?” She laughed again. “You’re good, but you wouldn’t have made it past the first set of doors before someone told him.” 

I rolled my eyes. She has a point. Her eyes scan the surrounding area before she pulls me right into a tight hug. I squeeze back, holding on as long as I can. Eventually she untangles herself from me and kisses my forehead. 

“I’ve missed you.” She murmurs, holding me back at the shoulders. 

“I wish we could see each other more.” 

Her hands drop, one taking mine instead. I took this for granted at sea, being with each other publicly, without any fears. “Let’s go for a walk.” She said instead. 

We took the long way around the gardens. The silence felt tense for once, normally it was comfortable - easy. 

“Mother wants me to start meeting suitors.” I said, my voice low. I saw Tamar’s shoulders tense. 

“How do you feel about that?” She replied. 

I stopped and turned to face her. “What do you think?” 

“How am I supposed to know?” Maybe the hurt showed through my eyes because her eyes softened and she wrapped me up in another hug. “We knew this would happen.”

“I’ll fight it. I’ll find a way.” She hummed, like she didn’t believe me, but I would. I would find a way to get out of this, somehow. 

“I’m jealous.” 

That came as a surprise. It shouldn’t have. 

“Why?” I regretted the question as soon as it left my lips. “Nevermind.” I said quickly, covering my tracks. “What do you want to show me?” 

She placed a soft kiss on my lips before taking my hand again and smiling, dragging me towards the stables. We stood around the outside edge, in the shadows, watching the fights. We quietly placed bets on the fighters - I lost a fair bit of money, not that it really mattered to me. It reminded me of the Volkvolny - and she knew it. 

“Think any of them would fight me?” I asked. 

She laughed, “Not if they know who you are.” 

“Let’s get Genya to tailor me.” I said, my practically bouncing on my feet. “Tomorrow.” 

“And how are we going to explain who you are?” 

“I’ll figure it out. Princesses are used to getting what they want.” 

“Oh and am I something you want?” Her eyes glimmered with a challenge. I took a quick look around, nobody was paying attention, and dragged her to a corner. 

“Anyone can see.” She hissed “I know this place better than anyone.” I winked at her before dragging her off to a hidden corner on the grounds. 

I made Tamar a lot of money the next night, and pissed Tolya off. He figured it out after the first three fights, and dragged me back towards the Grand Palace, Tamar laughing her ass off in tow. Thankfully, she healed me, and nobody was none the wiser that they got their ass kicked by the Princess of Ravka. 

-- 

A party was thrown at the Grand Palace in honor of Nikolai’s birthday, and the Queen took it as an excuse to arrange some suitors to come visit. Tamar was on guard in the corner, the Sun Summoner attending. I faked some smiles, a few gentle touches on arms here and there. Too many dances with grubby hands. I was dancing with the son of a wealthy Kerch merchant when his hand drifted a bit too low. I firmly moved it back onto my waist, but caught Tamar’s face out of the corner of my eye - the look in her eyes made me gulp. She didn’t see me watching her, her eyes were narrowed on the man in front of me, waiting a few seconds too long before roaming the room again. I tried to catch her eye several times, even tried to stand next to her at one point, but it’s like she sensed me coming and moved before I could get close. I couldn’t fight the hurt and anger that slowly built up inside me. I’d go see her later tonight. I had too. 

I didn’t get that chance. Nikolai and I barely escaped with our lives - and I had the honor of dragging Baghra out of her cave. I fought in the infantry too, I thought I knew war, but shadow monsters that can’t be killed are something else entirely. The Darkling had changed the playing field completely, we were caught off guard, caught by surprise. I should have felt bad about Vasily being ripped to pieces, and part of me did, but the other was so angry that he put everything at risk for his own vanity, that I didn’t have space in my heart to mourn for him. 

I went back with him that night, and I saw no sign of her, no sign of anyone, just bodies littering the ground. No survivors in sight. I vomited that night for hours. Hidden away from everyone. She had to be alive, had to. I felt it, I would know if she was dead. Maybe it’s fake hope, but I clung to it like a lifeline. 

-- 

I didn’t expect anything special when Nikolai returned from the raid, he’d gone many times, and this is the one I decided to sit out, having been injured on the last. Of course the one I miss is the one Tamar showed up at. He conveniently forgot to tell me she’d been spotted at one of the smuggling stations. 

“I thought of you every day.” I said between kisses, hidden in one of many back hallways. 

“I did too.” She replied. 

“If you still want me.” Tamar went to interrupt, but I held up one hand. “Now that Nikolai’s King. There’s nothing stopping us.” 

Her head lowered, mouth moving to graze my ear. She didn’t answer my question directly. “Every time one of those men would put a hand on you. Every time you had to flirt back. I thought I'd explode.” She pushed me towards the wall, my back pressed against the stone cold. Tamar moved slowly, her hand tracing the side of my face, I leaned into her touch. “I couldn’t think of you the last few months. The idea that you might be dead. It was too painful.” 

I tilted my head to meet her eyes. “I knew you’d be alive.” I saw the confusion on her face. “I would’ve felt it if you died.” I held a hand up to my heart. It might be the cheesiest thing I've ever said, but the small smile on her face was worth it. I couldn’t handle it any longer, I grabbed her shoulders and pulled her in, pulled her into the kiss I’d been waiting months for. 

#tamar x reader #tamar x y/n #tamar kir bataar x reader #tamar kir bataar x y/n #shadow and bone fic #shadow and bone imagine #reader imagine #shadow and bone #tamar kir bataar #nikolai lantsov #tolya yul bataar #grishaverse #grishaverse fanfic

[myhairpintrigger]

hello!! hope ur having a great day! i read ur recent piece and was completely bewitched by your writing 🫶🏽

i saw ur reqs were open and wanted to request the following!

darkling x reader, where the reader misinterprets his relationship with alina, and pulls away from him (maybe they were friends / acquaintances before?) but they don’t know that the darkling secretly has his eyes set them only. so one night at a ball, when the reader is flirting / dancing with a grisha, they’re confused as to why the darkling snatches up to his quarters? and a confession entails 🫶🏽 could it be some smut if u wish?

thank u !! <3

my lovely anon, I apologise for the quality of this imagine </3 I stayed up far too late to finish it.

as always I am begging for more requests. pls send them in

warnings: smut, a little bit of angst. please only read if 18+

word count: 6.5k

Yours

(Aleksander morozova x AFAB!reader)

-

The first day you realized that something had changed was a mere day after the Sun Summoner arrived at the Little Palace. You sat at a table with Aleksander and David early in the morning and you stirred honey into your cup of steaming tea and your eyes traveled back and forth between David’s distracted eyes and Aleksander’s very focused ones. The intensity upon which Aleksander stared off with was not uncommon, in fact, you’d learned that it was actually quite normal for him. The two of you had become friends when he had found you, a skilled Heartrender, working on the frontlines with his army and had eventually relocated you to the Little Palace. He gave an excuse saying that you were more useful here than out close to the war, but you eventually came to suspect that he worried about you just enough to put you somewhere safer. Ever since being moved to Os Alta, the two of you had only become closer, spending almost every moment with one another. You considered him to be your closest friend and you were grateful to be considered his in return.

  You decided to break the comfortable silence by clearing your throat and flashing an excited smile at Aleksander, “Are you still taking me riding today?” you asked expectantly, excited to finally see your best friend after weeks of him being away.

He tore his dark eyes away from the wall he had been so fixed on and he reached across the table and patted your hand affectionately and his face softened apologetically, “I am terribly sorry, darling. I have to take care of a few things with Miss Starkov. Can I take you tomorrow instead? Just after breakfast, I promise.” 

Your eyes raked his face and you blinked a couple of times. You let out an understanding hum and then nodded, “Yeah, that's fine. I know you're busy. Just don’t ditch me again, or you’ll be sorry.” you threatened with a wink and pointed at him with the spoon you were just stirring your tea with.

“Ditch you? I could never.” 

But he did. He did ditch you. Quite literally, too. You had hurried through breakfast excitedly and hardly wasted any time going out to the stables, to find that he wasn’t there yet. You waited for nearly half an hour, first messing with your horse’s mane and then moving into the stall adjacent to greet Aleksander’s horse. When it reached an hour and he still hadn’t come, you let out a low huff and you dragged your hand through your hair moodily. He had never stood you up before. Ever. If there was one person who was always true to their word, it was Aleksander. You decided to cut your losses and walked out of the stables, a slight worry growing in your stomach. Perhaps something had happened, that was the only explanation as to why he would have simply not come. Your face twisted worriedly and you hurried inside to check on him. You made your way to his chambers as fast as you could and you swung the door open to reveal an empty room. You stood in the doorway confusedly and you reached up with one hand to rub your face with your palm and you let out a long sigh. Where on earth could he be? You wondered, taking a step back out of his room. You felt your back collide with someone and you spun around to see Zoya’s bitter face, though, right now it looked particularly like she’d bitten into an especially sour rhubarb, all scrunched up and angry.

“Oh, my apologies, Zoya. I didn’t see you.” You said, keeping your tone as light as you could, not wanting to set the feisty girl off.

She simply nodded once at you and you grabbed onto her arm gently. Despite her fiery personality and overall unpleasantness, you never had any qualms with the talented Squaller, so you gave her a sympathetic look and gently brushed your thumb across her arm where you held it, “What’s wrong? You look upset.” 

The contempt in the girl’s eyes didn't lessen upon your question, in fact, it just got worse, “I’m so sick of seeing that stupid girl getting paraded around on Kirigan’s arm. All morning she’s been stuck to his side while he’s been introducing her to just about everyone under the sun,” Zoya let out a sound that resembled a scoff and a grunt mixed together and you let go of her arm, “and furthermore, it doesn’t help that he looks at her like she’s going to personally hang each and every star in his sky.”

You looked at her curiously, your jaw dropping, “He… He’s been doing that this morning?” you asked, clearly shocked. The Squaller nodded once and then she pointed down the hall towards the banquet room and you blinked a few times, your chest filling with something between fury and disappointment, and without another word, you trudged down the hall and stood in the doorway to indeed find Aleksander with his hand on Alina’s back as he was introducing her to a few of his friends. You stood there unmoving for a while before his eyes shifted and fell upon you, and you watched the polite smile melt off of his lips and turn into instant regret when he saw you. You could tell he was readying himself to walk to you, but you only scoffed and spun on your heel, leaving his sights immediately.

-

The week following, you had successfully avoided Aleksander, though you were almost sure that he hadn’t been looking for you all too urgently. It was nearly midnight and you sat in the library with Genya, a habit the two of you had formed together when you couldn’t sleep. The two of you sat in comfortable silence for a long time before she cleared her throat.

“The General was looking for you today.” she remarked casually as possible, not bothering to look up from her book.

You didn’t dare look up from your own, wanting to avoid the emotion that would betray your face if you looked up into her kind eyes, “Well, he knows where to find me, so I doubt it was all too pressing.” you replied. 

The only sound in the room for a few moments afterwards was the turning of pages and the crackling of the fireplace. You felt your nose begin to sting a bit and you almost laughed in spite of yourself. There was no way you were tearing up over this.

“Why don’t you just talk to him if you are upset about the Sun Summoner situation?” she asked, her voice flat, and you could tell she was half distracted by her book.

“Alina Starkov is not upsetting me.” you sputtered, your cheeks flushing.

Genya flicked her eyes up at you and then back at her book and she shrugged, “You seemed pretty bothered by her and him the other night at dinner. I’ve not seen you ever sit with Zoya before and she, too, is having her own conflicts with Alina.” Genya pointed out and you simply shook your head and buried your nose back into your book, but Genya wasn’t done yet, “I invited him to join us in the library tonight.” she added and then looked back into her own book.

You closed your own book so hard that the smack echoed in the warm room and you stood up from the chair, “Well, tell him I went to bed early.” you muttered

“Or you can bid me goodnight before you leave.” 

You froze in your place and looked over at the door to see Aleksander standing there in the dim light. He wasn’t wearing his kefta and his hair looked a bit out of place and he had a soft smile on his lips. Everything about the man looked so inviting and sweet in that moment, and you had to swallow the feeling that bubbled up from your stomach into your chest and up through your throat that screamed at you to run into his arms. You impressed even yourself when you stayed rooted to the ground and you shrugged once, setting your book down on the table next to the armchair you sat in.

“Would you even care to hear it if it wasn’t in Alina’s voice?” you snapped, your hands sliding into the pockets of your fluffy bed robe. You stared at him defiantly and he cocked an eyebrow upwards at your words.

“Don’t be childish.” he chided and then took a few steps into the room, closing the double doors behind him gently. Genya took this as a good opportunity to get up from her chair and scuttle out of the library like a retreating animal, leaving you alone with Aleksander.

His words infuriated you and you shook your head and looked down.

“I have every right to be a little childish right now. You stood me up. You’ve never done that to me before.” you said indignantly and looked up at him again. You wore a stone expression on your face, but as you met his eyes, your own eyes burned with hot tears. You tried to keep them from falling over your bottom lashes, but your chin wobbled and you instantly lowered your face into your hands and hid it from him. You didn’t have to look up to know that he was approaching you, and when he reached you, he gently grabbed your arms and pulled your hands away from your face. You were sure the look on your face was pathetic, because you watched his ever-serious eyes soften greatly, and he reached up to wipe your cheeks with his thumbs.

“Oh, y/n. Don’t cry, please. I'll make it up to you. I swear it. I know I’ve been distant as of late and I am terribly sorry. I didn’t know it hurt you like this.” he said with a sincerity you seldom heard from him. You felt weak and desperate at the same time and you leaned forward and planted your face against his chest. This certainly was not the first time that Aleksander has seen you cry, and it wouldn’t be the last, but you couldn’t help but feel ashamed this time. His arms found their way around you and he gently pet your hair as if you were a kitten in distress.

“Let me take you riding tomorrow afternoon, sweetheart. I promise I’ll show up this time. Why don’t you meet me in the courtyard around noon? Yeah? And we can spend the afternoon together before my meetings.” he offered, his tone velvety and soothing, making you feel much more at ease, bit by bit. 

You nodded once and stayed against him for a few more minutes before you pulled back and looked up into his eyes. He looked down at you in return with a certain serenity you’d not seen in his eyes before and for the first time in the last three years of knowing Aleksander, you wanted him to kiss you right there and then. The thought surprised you deeply and this must have been evident on your face because his own face twisted in curiosity and he cocked his head to the side.

“What’s on your mind?” he asked gently and you didn’t respond. Not outwardly, at least. You wanted to know where the sudden urge to kiss your best friend came from, and why. You knew for absolute certain that, for one, Aleksander did not see you as anything other than his closest friend, and that was evident in many ways but mainly because you knew he had been actively sleeping with Zoya as recently as a month ago. For another, you knew that if this was a path you let your mind go down, you would eventually have to say something to him, and by doing so, you would jeopardize your entire friendship. But then that also begged the question: did he value your friendship? The past week had you questioning this much more than you were willing to admit to yourself for comfortability reasons, because despite your best efforts to hide from him, if he wanted to find you, he simply would have. And of course, there was the matter of Alina too. His Sun Summoner. His Equal. The current recipient of his attention and the topic of his every thought. You were ashamed to admit even just to yourself that you were jealous of the sun girl for taking away your closest friend, but the truth of the matter is: you were. You were angry and you were hurt, and the multitude of realizations and emotions that had come to you in the last five minutes filled you with dread. The kind of dread that filled you slowly, as slow and quiet as one of Aleksander’s shadows. Your stomach twisted painfully as your mind raced and you began to feel rather anxious. You’d almost forgotten that you were in Aleksander’s arms until he shook you a little bit and looked down at you with concern.

“Y/n. You look ill.” he commented and you wiggled yourself free of his arms and you shook your head.

You let out a puff of air and you rubbed your eyes. She was important to him, he seemed content, and you were just the best friend that wanted him to kiss you. The panic of it all consumed you and you gently pushed him away from you and you shook your head, “No. I don’t wanna go riding with you tomorrow,” you breathed. You wanted to get away from him, you wanted to stop feeling so overwhelmed. You had to push him away before he picked Alina over you or before you could say something stupid and ruin it all anyway, “I want you to leave me alone, Aleksander. Go back to your Sun Summoner or whatever. Just leave me be.” you said pathetically and you shielded him from seeing your face with your hand and you brushed past him and darted towards the door and slipped out of the library, holding a sob in until you reached your room.

-

Aleksander hadn’t sought you out in almost three weeks now. Of course you’d seen him in passing in the halls and such, but you hadn’t stopped to say hello. Rumors were now swirling around the Little Palace about him and Alina being a little bit more than just… friendly. In fact, the day that he asked to take you riding, he’d instead gone with her, and one of the servants for Alina told someone who told someone else who told Zoya, who inevitably told you, that he’d even tried to get her to start wearing black. His color. Of course this tore your insides up, but by the third week of ignoring Aleksander, the rumors stopped surprising you, and the sadnesses and pains were reduced to a dull ache that only bothered you when you dwelled on it. Which you tried to make as infrequent as possible.

You were awoken today by a loud knock on your door and when you finally mustered up the will to rise and answer the knock, you were pushed back into your room while Genya pushed her way in. She laid a thin, white box down on a small table you had in the middle of your room and she sighed, pointing at it.

“This was just finished this morning. I had them change it. I didn’t think you’d like the initial… design.” she explained and you eyed the box curiously.

You finally walked up to the table and opened up the box and pulled out an intricate, long red dress with silver embroidery over the sides of it and you looked up at Genya, confused, “What do I need a dress for?” you asked, but then remembered as soon as the words left your mouth. The Queen’s birthday party was that evening, and you had promised Aleksander you’d go with him. You stuffed the dress back in the box and closed the lid, shaking your head.

“Oh, come on. Don’t be insolent. Come with me if you’re going to be that petty. But this dress took forever and you’re gonna look so nice in it. You’ll have fun, you always do.”

Yeah because I always go with Aleksander, you thought and then looked up at Genya for a long time, contemplating. She stared you down in return and you were determined not to buckle under the intensity of the redhead’s stare, but you did nonetheless and you sighed dramatically.

“I'll go. But I’m not staying all night and you cannot do another set up. I mean it. I don’t want to be around him.” You stated and she agreed, pointing to the box.

“Then get yourself ready please. You’ve slept late enough as it is.”

- 

The walk to the grand ballroom was made with your arm linked with Genya’s, and many bystanders that were standing outside of the party rather than within, all cleared out of your way when the two of you walked past. You supposed it was either due to the fact that you two were so clearly Grisha or perhaps it was the dreary look you wore on your face. Either way, you didn’t mind it. Once inside of the ballroom, Genya finally released your arm and she caught a server and grabbed two glasses of wine and passed one to you.

“You do look nice, you know.” she said kindly and you glanced down at your dress. It was true, she had done a lovely job at fixing you up so that you were presentable for the party- she’d even put some intricate little braids in your hair.

“Thank you, Genya.” you said softly and she gave you an affirming nod before she squeezed your arm gently. You took a sip of your wine and went to say something else to your friend, but instead your attention was pulled elsewhere. Up close to the King and Queen, Aleksander stood with a pleasant smile on his face. He was dressed in all black, looking much more regal than usual. As you would have expected, Alina stood next to him in a simple yellow gown, and he had his hand resting against the middle of her back. You turned away, but not before Aleksander could catch a glimpse of you. You pushed down the ache that you so often found yourself suppressing and you turned your attention to Genya now, who was talking to a Inferni boy now, and when you inserted yourself into their conversation, she eagerly introduced you to the boy who simply went by Eli. 

Eli was kind and he was friendly, and even when Genya walked away to greet David, you had no problem staying back and chatting with the boy. After what seemed like hours of talking to him, he offered you his hand and gave you a bashful smile, which you returned.

“Can I dance with you? Or rather, will you dance with me?” he asked clumsily and you let out a giggle and graciously accepted the offer, not aware of The General’s bottomless eyes boring into your back and staring daggers at your dance partner. His jaw tightened and he had begun to phase in and out of the conversation he held with Alina, The King, and the prince Vasily. 

The Darkling’s hand shook around the glass he held and he didn’t dare tear his eyes off of the dancing pair, worried that if he did, they’d disappear together. 

You danced with Eli with elation and you let out a content sigh, “You’re pretty good at dancing, you know.” you pointed out, and the boy blushed brightly.

“I learned when I was fairly young. Just something my parents insisted on.” he said humbly and you simply let out a little laugh and continued to dance with him.

Aleksander watched you laugh from his spot across the room and felt a certain patience inside of him snap. He set his glass of wine down on a table near them and he excused himself gruffly as he walked through the crowd of partygoers to reach you and your dance partner.

When he finally did, you didn’t notice until Eli had frozen in place and stared off over your shoulder. You looked up at the boy concernedly, but he simply bowed his head slightly and you turned your head back over your shoulder to see Aleksander standing there, his face cold and furious.

“May I steal your dance partner from you for a moment or two?” he asked icily and Eli nodded, clearly nervous to be in the presence of the Black General. The boy dropped your hands and stepped away from you before Aleksander grabbed your wrist and yanked you towards the door. You tried to stand your ground and not allow him to drag you, but that lasted for all of two seconds when he completely overpowered you, tugging you out of the ballroom and out into the courtyard.

Once you were outside, you tried to pull away from his iron grasp again, but he simply yanked you up closer to him and glared down at you with an anger that burned like fire in his eyes, and he spat one word in a tone that chilled you to the bone: “Don’t.” 

You looked up at him, clearly frightened now, and he continued to drag you the rest of the way across the courtyard and to the Little Palace. Once you two had arrived inside, he grasped the back of your neck and steered you to his chambers. Though silent, you could practically hear the rage in his breath, and you could certainly feel it radiating off of his skin. Why he was so mad, you couldn’t figure out, but you assumed you were just about to find out why.

He gave you a little shove into his bedroom and he slammed the door behind you two and locked it, finally letting go of your neck.

You spun around to face him, but the second you did, he grabbed your wrists and pushed you back against the wall.

“Who do you think you are?” he asked furiously, his grip tightening around your wrists enough to make you yelp. 

“Excuse me?” you squeaked, taken aback by the sudden physicality and anger he was displaying, and you’d be lying if you said it didn’t scare you.

His lip twitched upwards in disgust and he shook his head rigorously, “Oh, don’t play dumb.” he warned and you looked up at his face that was consumed with rage and you shrunk back a bit. You wanted to fight back, but he’d never ever been this way with you, let alone raised his voice to you.

You opened your mouth to speak but he held up a hand and effectively silenced you, “You ignore me for almost a month now and then go and blatantly parade yourself around with another man in front of me, in a dress completely different than the one I had made for you. If you’re trying to enrage me, y/n, let me begin with how well it happens to be working.” he seethed and leaned closer to your face.

You gaped up at Aleksander and opened your mouth to speak again, but words seemed to have escaped you. The wrathful fury on his face twisted his soft features into something you didn’t recognize, and you suddenly knew why his enemies were so fearful of him. You’d only seen him angry once, and it was during a battle. This ferocity that he displayed reminded you vividly of that, and suddenly you couldn’t take it anymore. Your bottom lip wobbled a few times before a sob escaped your lips, and by then, the softening of Aleksander’s features was pointless. You buried your face in your hands and you shied away from him as much as you could. He very slowly moved his face away from yours and he felt his stomach drop as you sunk down to the floor, instantly pulling your knees up to your chest as you cried into them. 

Aleksander often prided himself on his patience and even temper, his ability to control himself at all times. He felt white hot shame brand his insides and he dropped to his knees in front of you and he took your hands in his own, to which you promptly pulled away. 

“y/n…” he began and you shook your head a few times.

“No! No, Aleksander! You don’t get to make this better now!” you cried and he watched you with an ache in his chest that wouldn’t let up. 

“My love, let me make this right, I should not have ye-”

“I said no!” you exclaimed, hurt and sadness swirling around in your chest, “nothing you can ever say will make this right! You have been unfair to me ever since Alina came here! You have not been a good friend, and I wanted to just forgive you so badly, but you never even bothered to apologize properly, and it doesn’t help that you go and display her on your arm every day. She’s your little saint, your miracle, whatever else, I get it, but I can’t just stand here and watch anymore while I have to sit on the sidelines and just be in love with you silently as she gets all of your time and attention!” you blurted and then you placed your hand over your mouth and looked up at him with wide eyes.

The room was silent. There was no trace of malice on his face, it was as if it had never even been there in the first place. Your eyes watered even more in embarrassment and you moved to stand up, but Aleksander delicately caught your arm and pulled you close to him.

“I didn’t mean any of that, I just-”

But he cut you off by tugging you down by your arm and shut you up entirely with a kiss that would have brought you to your knees if you were standing. He could taste the salt from your tears on the corners of your lips and you could taste the strong red wine he’d been drinking at the party on his, and you blushed darkly when he parted his lips and bit down on your bottom lip, tugging it backwards some before he released it and broke the kiss. His forehead met yours and you closed your eyes tightly, your brain trying to comprehend what had just happened.

He let out a short breath that tickled your face and he stared into your eyes, and at this close proximity, his looked like two pits of pure blackness, “My dearest friend, I will never be able to apologize enough for the way I have behaved tonight with you, for the way I have failed to see your pain, for all of it. But you must listen to me and know my words ring true when I say that there is nothing going on between Alina and I. Do you want to take a guess as to why, Little Angel?” he asked and you closed your eyes and shook your head once. He was quiet for a long time before he let go of your arms and took you into his entirely, cradling you against his chest, “Because, my love, I have only wanted you. I am so terribly and adamantly in love with you and you alone.” he insisted, and you would be more inclined not to believe him if it weren’t for the tone of desperation that was clear in his voice.

You pulled your head back to look up at him and you blinked back more tears, which he must have noticed, because he brushed away the wetness from your under eyes with his thumbs. You studied his face for any trace of falsity, but found none, and you didn’t know what else to say, so you said nothing at all and instead, moved in to let your lips touch his for the second time that night. The kiss was tentative and experimental at first, but he quickly changed that as he swept a hand up into your hair and pressed your lips closer to his, and you let him take the lead. Of course you’d been kissed before, it wasn’t as if you didn’t know what you were doing, but nothing had ever felt like this before. It was as if each kiss was an expression of emotion all of its own. You felt his happiness, his desperation, and his affections for you all in that one kiss, and it had you crumbling under his touch. He pulled back only when air became necessary and he stared into your eyes for a long time before his lips crashed into yours once again. This time, the kiss was much hungrier, much more intense than the last two, and Aleksander grabbed onto your jaw, holding you in place. You let out a soft whine into his mouth and he broke away instantly, his bewildered eyes searching yours.

“Let me show you that I am yours.” he whispered and you looked up at him almost hazily. You gave him a little nod and he leaned back in to place a wet string of kisses against your exposed neck, biting down every now and then to leave a little mark against your skin. You reached up and tangled your fingers within his neatly done hair and you gave it a little tug, earning you a groan from him. He pulled back briefly only to grab at the neckline of your dress and he nodded towards you.

“Are you okay with this? All of it?” he asked and you needed only give him a nod before he was yanking the gauzy dress up over your head and you lifted your arms to help him rid you of the clothing. You gasped softly at the cool air of his room when it touched your bare chest and Aleksander stood up, pulling you with him as if you were weightless, and he brought you to his bed and laid you back against it. By now, the anticipation of what was to come was beginning to set in and you bit down on your bottom lip as you stared up at him. He unfastened his kefta and shrugged it off before he leaned back over you and attached his lips to your neck again, his hands both finding their way down to your thighs. 

No words needed to be exchanged, he simply looked at you with one eyebrow cocked up questioningly and you nodded once before he nudged your legs open and he brought one hand up to trace one finger over your clothed clit. Your mouth opened slightly and you wiggled your hips down toward his touch just a bit. He laid one hand on your hip to keep you from moving and he glanced up at your face and shook his head, “Calm down. I’m going to take care of you, Angel. Have patience.” he said, his voice as smooth as the black silk sheets that adorned his bed. He dragged his finger up and down your covered folds and he let out a little sigh before he carefully ridded you of your underwear.  He tossed the garment aside and he outstretched his fingers to collect a bit of your growing wetness on the tips of his fingers and you looked down at him with a frown. 

“Aleksander, please.” you pleaded, needing him to do anything at this point.

He seemed to finally understand your need for his touch and he carefully slid one of his fingers inside of you, brushing the pad of his finger against your walls. You let out a little whimper and he began to slowly pump his finger in and out of you. You closed your eyes and willed yourself to be patient while he seemingly toyed with you, and just when you were about to beg for something more, he dipped his head downwards and covered your clit with his lips, taking the sensitive bundle into his mouth and he sucked at it gently. You tossed your head backwards and gasped his name, and he took this as an opportunity to add another finger inside of you and he curled them upwards, his fingertips pressing a spot that had you gasping for air. Noticing this, he repeated the motion a few times before he moved his fingers in and out of you faster now. He flicked your clit with his tongue a few times and you reached down with one hand to grasp at his hair. He moved his mouth away from you and reached up with his hand that held your hips down to lazily rub at your clit with his thumb.

“You sound so pretty for me, you know.” he cooed and you looked down at him, your lip trembling a bit.

“Aleksander, please.” you whispered and he raised his eyebrows.

“Please, what?” he asked, a devilish glint flashing across his eyes.

You struggled to find words as his fingers continue to hit that one spot and you moaned, your head falling to the side a bit, “Please, I need you to fuck me.” you whimpered and he looked up at your face and he let out a little hum.

“You need me to fuck you?” he asked playfully and you nodded a few times, closing your thighs around his hand. He thought about it for an agonizing moment before he nodded and pulled his fingers out of you. He brought them to his lips and licked them a few times before he brought them to your lips instead and nodded once.

“Open your mouth.” he commanded, and you did so without argument, allowing him to slide his fingers into your mouth. You sucked on his long, slender fingers and looked up into his eyes and he turned his head and cursed quietly under his breath before he pulled his fingers from your mouth. He sat up on his knees and ridded himself of his clothes and stood to get his pants off, which had become tighter in the moments that had passed. He let out a sigh of relief when he freed his cock from his pants and he crawled back over you and settled himself between your thighs. 

“Look me in the eyes.” he commanded and you obeyed immediately, “I am yours. Wholly. Say it.” he ordered and you blushed softly.

“You’re mine.” you whispered, and he gave you a nod.

“And you’re mine. Say it.”

“I’m yours.” you whispered, and a proud little smile made your lips curl upwards.

“Good. Such a good little Angel.” he murmured and reached down to position his cock at your entrance. He slid into you very slowly, giving you time to adjust to his size. You squeezed your eyes shut and let out a moan, shuddering just slightly when he had finally fit his entire length inside of you. He waited just like that for a moment until you whined and rolled your hips against his, and he took this as a signal to move. He drew his hips back and moved them forward into you once again and you reached up to wrap your arms around his shoulders.

“Oh, saints, Aleksander.” you moaned and he reached up to grab your chin.

“Keep your eyes on mine. Don't look away.” he breathed and you nodded, your eyes staying glued to his as he began to rock his hips against yours steadily. He never sped up too much, but instead kept the same medium pace, allowing you to feel every single inch of him, and he leaned down to kiss your lips a few times, “So good, darling. You feel so good.” he praised and you reached down to grab one of his hands. You grabbed onto it and dragged it down between your thighs and you pressed it down against your clit. He took your not so subtle hint and he pressed his thumb back down against your clit firmly and began to rub it in circles in time with his thrusts, which gradually became harder.

He hit a spot within you that rendered you entirely breathless and he took advantage of this, making sure to hit that spot every time. He had you seeing stars in the edges of your vision and you felt tension building rapidly in your stomach. Aleksander could feel you tighten around him and he moved his thumb against your clit a bit faster now, determined to get you to your climax, which he could tell you were steadily approaching. He drove his cock into you with a bit more speed now and you arched your back off of the mattress and whimpered his name, causing a proud smile to form on his lips. His name, of which was kept a secret to nearly all of the world, was now falling from your lips in ecstasy, and it filled him with a sense of pride, and he fucked you harder, still moving his thumb against your clit. He could tell you were close by the way you squeezed his cock and he gave you a soft nod, his eyes meeting yours, “Eyes on mine, darling. Tell me who you belong to.” he prompted, making sure to hit that spot deep inside of you each time he drove his hips forward.

“Y-yours. I’m yours, Aleksander.” you stammered and kept your eyes on his. All it took was one perfect thrust more, and you were cumming around him, your fingernails digging into his shoulders. He intently watched the way your face went dazed as you came and your release triggered his own, and he came nearly right after you, still fucking you through both of your orgasms. He finally slowed when the two of you came down from your highs and he moved his thumb away from your clit and went to sit up, but you tugged him back down.

“No. Stay like this for a little longer. For me.” you requested in just a whisper, and Aleksander nodded once, keeping himself inside of you, his head settling against your chest. The two of you laid there in the soft candlelit afterglow and he placed a few lazy kisses to your chest.

“I love you, you know. I am deeply ashamed of my outburst earlier.” he said softly.

You simply hummed and wrapped your arms around his shoulders, “I love you too. You’re mine.” you said sweetly, a wave of exhaustion overtaking you. Your eyes fluttered shut and the last thing you remember hearing before you drifted off was the soft voice of your lover, whispering back what you now already knew.

“I’m yours.”

#aleksander morozova imagine #aleksander morozova #aleksander morozova x reader #the darkling imagine #the darkling #the darkling imagine #the darkling x you #the darkling x reader #general kirigan #general kirigan imagine #general kirigan x reader #shadow and bone imagine #shadow and bone #grishaverse

[sorryimananti-romantic]

Horizon (Chapter 5)

series masterlist

faerieprince!san x oc

royal/fantasy au, soulmate au

chapter wc: ~18k

chapter warnings: fluff, angst, tragedy, violence warnings, mention of death/su!cide, past traumas, atz interactions, suggestive

chapter synopsis: yeosang manages to contact neve and together with gaeul, yena, yunho and mingi, they open a portal to another world and find out what those monster-like creatures are and why they kidnapped not only faeries but darklings as well. they get answers that connect everything from the beginning to the end. gaeul must come to a decision and finds herself in a dilemma- she can either return her magic to her original state or save her soulmate bond with san who loves her anyway.

manager-nim: @eightmakesonebraincell (couldn't have seen it to the end without her :') <3 )

[Day 132 in other dimension/132 hours and 47 minutes in Mirinae]:

Yeosang was not having fun moving around in his dimension as a spirit.

As the Prince of Space who ruled over the dimension, he had an unquestionable authority over all those who dwelled in the bridge of a dimension between life and death. With his soul intact in his body, that perhaps rendered him a force to be reckoned with.

But as a spirit just like the others? He was certainly not enjoying the lack of said authority. 

Now that he felt like any other soul in that dimension, most dismissed him as background. Those who did not either went after him or spread word around, which was worse- there was always a spirit a little unhinged that dared to try something with him. Thankfully, his loyal friends in that dimension were sticking with him- at the price of a few favours.

“I’m just sayin’, eh?” One of them said- a boy who might still be in his teens, though he looked older- or perhaps, his long stay here was making him look older. “You can’t be away from your body too long. It’s funny business, tryna find a darkling in ‘ere. Like finding a needle in a stack.”

“We’ve found one before,” Yeosang, who was walking aimlessly along with his two partners, said. “We can find one again.”

“It’s quite a long shot, though,” the other soul- older than Yeosang, said. “I’ve a better chance trying to remember my name.”

Yeosang casted him a glance- these two were one of the few who had stayed in this dimension long enough to forget their names but still hadn’t gone insane. They gave up on moving on, instead deciding to serve Yeosang from here with a promise that they could be a part of his court in this dimension and do his bidding for him. Yeosang was pretty sure the idea of freedom in this dimension appealed to them much more than actually serving the prince, but as long as they were sane, he wasn’t going to let them go. 

“And you’re only getting weaker the longer you stay away from your body-”

“I’m not, actually,” Yeosang smirked at the boy. “Since my body is not home.”

“Oh,” the boy nodded slowly. “Does that mean you’re staying for long?”

“I’m only here to find a darkling, and if I have to open up a door to another dimension here, so be it. I’ve had enough of simply waiting.”

“But, sir,” the older one said. “That’s dangerous- if the balance gets shifted, this dimension could fold in on itself.”

“Yeah? Maybe it’s time I got rid of you lot…” Yeosang tsk-ed.

“Ay, you don’t mean that,” the boy poked Yeosang in his arm and Yeosang actually paused to look at him and let his careless action sink in. However, he shamelessly continued. “If it weren’t for us, some darkling monster would have gotten your arse-”

“And that’s your cue to shut up if you don’t want to meet my new friend Gaeul,” Yeosang said and the two straightened. “Funny how you’re more scared of her when I can do worse here.”

“She sent them from the home dimension,” the older one pointed out. “They ceased to exist. I doubt you can do that.”

That was true. Yeosang nodded in agreement and the three fell silent again, staring into the thick cloud of fog they had been moving in for days now, relying solely on straining their visions and detecting the souls with magic. If Yeosang stopped and shut his eyes as if meditating, he could hear his friends back in the other dimension- he was pretty sure he heard something about Yena opening a portal to whatever dimension that held those creatures. He was praying she noted down the calculations because that was a dimension they definitely needed to explore, especially since those creatures could come and go as they pleased- which made him wonder yet again if Gaeul could actually control the dimension and serve as a bridge, just like him. Was she attracting those creatures to Mirinae without her knowledge? 

That made Yeosang actually clap in realisation and his partners frowned in confusion. “I have an idea. What would attract a darkling’s attention?”

“A helpless faerie?”

“You?”

“A portal to Mirinae, where the faeries live,” Yeosang was smirking dangerously and though the idea wasn’t all that bad, the two had some qualms about it.

“That would attract anyone’s attention, sir.”

“And that’s why I allowed you to serve in my court,” Yeosang straightened, the plan already running through his head. “Make sure the faeries know not to interfere if they don’t want to be burned into non-existence. We have a trap to set.”

The two got right into action, disappearing into the fog and leaving Yeosang alone as he waited for their signal. He wished he had a helping hand because there was no guarantee a rogue faerie wouldn’t make things worse, but he had to make do with what he had. As soon as the boy returned with his own plan of his friends acting undercover and roaming around to keep watch, Yeosang opened a portal to the part of the basement in his castle where he usually practised his magic, and let his plan play out.

~

Even though San had never felt weaker than this before, he wasn’t one to sit and wait, much to the younger princes’ dismay. Wooyoung and Jongho only watched helplessly as he went through old scrolls on magical bonds and pushed himself to come up with a way to keep that bond intact, even when it felt like one snap could break it forever.

“Not gonna work,” Jongho, who had given up trying to stop him since it was no use, opted to be his counsellor instead. He could feel what San was trying to do better, so he helped wherever he could. “Healing magic might have a better shot than Earth magic, if I have to say.”

“But Earth is what connects them,” Wooyoung, who was watching the two from the couch, sipping casually on a margarita, said. “Healing magic would scare the bond’s unnatural state.”

“Earth doesn’t connect them anymore,” Jongho said. “Gaeul’s magic is as far from Earth as it can get.”

“Not helping,” San muttered, taking a sip of Wooyoung’s drink. “There must be something that’s kept the bond alive.”

“Magic,” Jongho replied, resting his head on the table. “Magic keeps any bond alive. There must still be a kernel of her old magic inside Gaeul that kept the bond alive- or maybe, the bond itself is that kernel. In that case,” he yawned unceremoniously. “Good luck figuring it out.”

“It’s a loop,” Wooyoung sighed. “I’m lost.”

San resisted the urge to poke Jongho awake. He knew it was a shot in the dark but he had to think of something. Maybe he could save the bond- but for that, they’d have to be in the same dimensions, so that was not an option anymore. He slumped down hopelessly and Wooyoung tsk-ed.

“I’m sure they’re figuring it out,” Wooyoung said after a moment but San shook his head. “You don’t have to feel so hopeless. Everyone’s trying to help you here.”

“I just… I don’t know,” San almost cried. “If the bond breaks, would she still want me?”

“Yes, you love-sick bastard, I’m sure she will,” Wooyoung slapped San’s arm for good measure and Jongho laughed in his sleep. “Go sleep. You’re beginning to look more like Gaeul with each passing day.”

San smiled at that despite the situation, crawling to the nearest couch. “If only we could turn back time. Easy to say, huh?”

As San settled into the couch and wrapped himself up in his blanket, something clicked in Wooyoung’s mind and he waited for San to properly fall asleep before he went to write a message to Seonghwa.

I have the craziest theory, but it might be the only thing that could work. Asking you before I suggest it to Yena- if she hasn’t thought of it already.

~

Yena knew something was up with Yeosang when his fingers started twitching in his sleep mode. She thought she hallucinated for a second- after all, they would never admit it but they all were starting to feel a little crazy now that so much time had passed. But when Yeosang’s body jerked again, Yena looked around for Mingi.

“You didn’t notice Yeosang… moving or anything while you kept watch, did you?”

“What makes you think I was actually watching him?” Mingi, who was descending into a new level of laziness with each passing day, said. “If you didn’t notice, I’m always almost dozing off when I’m on duty.”

Yena pouted and Mingi asked what the matter was. 

“I think he’s doing something funny in his realm,” Yena’s voice was low, as if she herself didn’t quite believe it. “I can’t sense anything but he moved quite a bit just now.”

“I pray he is,” Mingi sighed, going back to drawing things on the sand with a stick. “It’s kind of boring without him here.”

Yena wanted to joke but she had to admit he was right. “Well, let’s hope he’s not getting a beating there, eh?”

Yena wasn’t wrong.

Yeosang almost got thrown a good distance away by the darkling spirit he had managed to get in his trap. Problem was, with all his energy focused on the portal, he couldn’t dodge the first attack and the portal shut close, prompting the darkling to attempt another attack.

Yeosang wiped his face as he got up, glaring at the darkling who was now being held back by his spirit friends. He observed it for a moment- it didn’t look like it had been here for long.

“Do you know just who you were attacking?” Yeosang stepped closer. “I could burn your soul with a mere thought.”

“Ah, so you’re him,” he cocked his head. “Prince of this realm.”

“Well, you must know what I can do then,” Yeosang scoffed. “I need you to get a message to your Prince of Space- tell him I’m calling him.”

“Why would I? He will burn me as soon as he spots me.”

“I could do the same, but we’re striking a deal, and you must be interested in what you could gain,” Yeosang considered him. “What business do you have left to still be in this realm?”

The darkling broke free, swiping his unnaturally white hair back. “I’m looking for my sister.”

“Ah,” Yeosang nodded slowly. “Well, tell you what- if you get my message to Prince Neve, I can ask him to get you the whereabouts of your sister. Sounds good?”

“And what if she’s… gone?”

“You know there’s nothing that can bring her back then,” Yeosang said and he looked grim. “The only favour we can do, then, is give you the same fate as her with the hope you’ll reunite somewhere- unless you’d like to simply cease to exist right now-”

“Alright, I get it,” he groaned. “I’ll do it. I don’t know how to get to the Prince though.”

“Oh, I’m sure you do,” Yeosang smirked. “You can’t fool me.”

The darkling immediately dissolved in thin air and the boy clapped. “You think they can feel their prince like we can feel you?”

“Let’s hope that is the case,” Yeosang sat down. “Now we wait.”

—---------------------------

[Day 134 in the other dimension/134 hours and 32 minutes in Mirinae]:

Gaeul didn’t know what she was expecting when she poked Yeosang’s arm. She was on watch while the others scattered- some to get food just because they were bored and missed eating, some to roam around. She herself had been staring holes into the shell she had brought with her from the beach when she was with San- the shell that resembled the colour of his magic. But when she felt overwhelmed because she missed him and because the days were feeling too repetitive and everyone felt tired, she resorted to poking Yeosang’s arm, sighing. If he was awake, he would probably engage her in some activity and keep her distracted.

She poked his arm again, pouting to herself. She wondered if he would feel sore when he woke up- after all, he had been in the same position for days now. He didn’t look like he was sleeping peacefully either- there was a slight frown on his face, eyebrows furrowed a little. Gaeul pushed the blonde strands of his hair back from where it was poking his eyes, noticing his birthmark. She was about to poke it next but he opened his eyes-

Making Gaeul scream and making Yeosang wince in return and shut his eyes in disappointment. When Gaeul finished screaming, she frowned and poked his arm again, making him open his eyes and he let out a short laugh when she nearly jumped.

“Yes, I’m awake,” his voice sounded hoarse and he cleared his throat, though he remained unmoving. “What were you doing? You scared me so bad that I almost went back to the realm.”

Gaeul put a hand on her heart to calm it down. “I- nothing. Just… poking you because I was bored.”

“I thought I told you not to mess with my body.”

“Gentle pokes,” Gaeul stifled a smile and he laughed. “I was… bored.”

“Just admit that you missed me,” Yeosang finally got up with a groan, stretching his muscles and looking around. “Where’s everyone?”

“Taking a break, they’ll be back soon,” she crossed her legs and scanned Yeosang- he didn’t look any different. “So? Did it work?”

“Somewhat,” Yeosang got up and brushed his clothes. “I managed to contact Neve indirectly, but… I think the closer we get to Rukbat, the better it is.”

“That shouldn’t be a problem,” Gaeul said and Yeosang nodded. “How did you manage to contact him anyway?”

“That’s a story I’ll tell only once,” he shuddered involuntarily. “Let’s go find them. We shouldn’t waste any more time.”

It looked like Yeosang was thinking as they walked in silence towards the town and Gaeul nervously scratched at her fingers, wondering if she was one step closer to going home. As soon as Yeosang spotted Yena scribbling in her diary, he whistled loudly at his twin and Yena perked up when she saw him.

“Finally,” Yena groaned, sharing a smile with Gaeul. “So? Got kicked out of your realm or?”

“Kind of both,” Yeosang chuckled, waving at Yunho and Mingi who spotted him and they ran towards him, Mingi attempting to put Yeosang in a chokehold but folding in on himself when Yeosang poked his stomach. 

“We’re going to Rukbat- as close as we can. Chances are Neve will find us before we do.”

“How did you contact him?” Yena asked.

“I had to open a portal to the home dimension as a bait which caught a darkling spirit's attention…” Yeosang’s voice got smaller as Yena glared at him. “Come on. It worked.”

“I can’t believe I’m the one lecturing you about the rules, but that could have gone way worse, Yeosang. I’m surprised you came out unharmed.”

“Not entirely, I’m sore,” Yeosang rubbed his left forearm where he had landed when he received the blow from the darkling. “But we’re good. So are we portalling to Rukbat?”

“We should,” Yena nodded. “Should I get us to the outskirts of Rukbat, or straight to the mountains where he’s most likely to come?”

“He’ll definitely come to that place where it all started,” Mingi said and Yena nodded grimly. “So maybe save us the hiking part and portal us to the river in the mountains? We could wait there.”

Yunho snickered at that. “You’re just tired of walking around, isn’t that so?”

“Whatever, we are all tired,” Mingi sighed, looking apologetically at Gaeul. “No pressure.”

Gaeul laughed nervously- it was an inside joke at this point. “Let’s save the trip then, if that’s okay with Yena.”

“Of course,” Yena nodded, immediately opening the portal and making everyone step through it before she entered, shutting the portal. Gaeul shivered at the sudden drop in temperature and Mingi started picking some wood to light a fire while Yeosang and Yena sat down as she updated him on the calculations of the portals she had noted so far. Gaeul sat by the river at the same spot she had come with San, smiling faintly at the memory when they had flirted a bit and played around, still so curious about the other. 

Yunho bent down and submerged his hands in the river, closing his eyes shut as if taking in something unexplainable. When he opened his eyes, he noticed Gaeul curiously watching him.

“Water has memories,” Yunho told her.

“Like… actual memories?”

“Not really,” Yunho settled down next to her. “Some memories are meant to be forgotten. Some… stay due to some sort of magic or intensity factor- I never understood why. I tried this when I was looking for the black hole too but it didn’t really work. But… it looks like you and San have been here before.”

Yunho grinned when he saw her gape at him. “What did you see?”

“You were throwing water at each other,” he laughed. “Is that a good memory?”

“I was just thinking about it right now,” Gaeul admitted. “We came here with Wooyoung and Jongho- they stayed down but he wanted to show me the river.”

Yunho nodded. “He really wanted to show you the river, yes. I think the memory here is because of San. He must really cherish that memory.”

“Really? How can you tell?”

“I looked at you through his eyes,” Yunho turned to Gaeul and she raised a brow. “What if there is no choice but to break the bond for you two to be together? I mean… it’s about time we started seriously considering that possibility. It might kill you, but there is a chance that you’ll make it out alive without the bond. What then?”

Gaeul took a deep breath. “I don’t think anything should change. It would hurt but I know I love San because he is… San. I don’t love him because we’re connected. Yes, it made me more drawn to him than I would have perhaps otherwise, but… I think I would have gone for him anyway.”

“Really?” Yunho teased. “None of us good enough for you?”

“Come on,” Gaeul laughed. “Okay, on second thought, Seonghwa is taken, that’s too bad, but Yeosang-”

“Shut up right there,” Yeosang put his hands over his ears and Yena and Mingi laughed out loud, knowing Gaeul did that to tease Yeosang but also because she actually thought Yeosang was particularly beautiful, just like everyone else. Gaeul sent finger hearts to Yeosang, making him hide behind his sister. 

“You two are the prettiest!” Gaeul called out before turning back to Yunho, sharing a laugh. “Yeah, I think I would have chosen San anyway.”

Yunho pretended to be hurt, earning a slap and Mingi joined the two in their following banter. Meanwhile, Yena sighed as she laid down on the grass.

“Wake me up when Neve arrives.”

—--------------------

[Day 136 in the other dimension/136 hours and 43 minutes in Mirinae]:

Gaeul and Mingi held on to each other as they screamed their lungs out, making the poor man in front of them shut his eyes in plain old disappointment, waiting until Mingi at least came to his senses and stopped screaming, Gaeul following suit.

“Neve?”

“Yes, Neve. It’s honestly a surprise you recognised me. I thought you’d scream longer.”

Gaeul’s grip on Mingi’s arm loosened- the duo had been playing with magic, dodging each other’s attacks until one of them got hit, in which case they would receive a forehead flick. Gaeul was just preparing Mingi for the blow he was about to receive but the shock they both received when the door to the cabin, which was right behind them at the moment, opened and something dark stepped out, resulted in them holding on to each other for dear life.

Gaeul assessed the darkling- he looked and felt just like a faerie, maybe a tad bit different. It was his aura that confirmed he was a darkling. He was middle-aged but looked weary, his dark hair with streaks of grey a stark contrast to the paleness of his skin, going well with his facial hair. His dark eyes bore holes into her.

“Now what is that?” He wondered out loud. Mingi scoffed at the way he phrased it.

“That’s your new patient,” Mingi said and Neve laughed, patting Mingi’s arm in encouragement. 

“Always the one stuck with the helpless, huh? You look better than the last time I saw you.”

“I’m not the only one this time,” Mingi craned his head to where the rest of them had gone- they would surely be coming back now if Neve wasn’t masking his powers. “And thanks. You look older.”

“Age. I can’t keep travelling in time to avoid that now, can I?” Neve smiled in defeat and looked back at the approaching figures, smiling cheek to cheek when he spotted Yena. Gaeul watched with curiosity and surprise as Yena approached Neve with a pout and let him hug her.

“Are you the same Yena that couldn’t manage a single portal?” Neve scanned her. 

“In flesh and blood,” Yena grinned. “It’s been years. I might have reached my full potential, or maybe I still have some way to go.”

“You still have,” Neve confirmed and looked at Yeosang. “Your other half.”

“Yep. Yeosang,” Yena introduced and Yeosang nodded in greeting. “And that’s Yunho- Prince of Water.”

“And Prince of Ice,” Neve added and Yunho raised a brow. “Those two elements aren’t meant to be in the same person.”

“Really? Why?” Yunho asked, though his tone said he must have a reason to believe him.

“That’s a long story for another time, but it’s a miracle you’re… in one piece,” he said dismissively and Mingi rolled his eyes, telling Yunho that was just the darkling being himself. “Now, what was all the fuss about?”

“Who do you think she is?” Yena pointed at Gaeul.

“What do you think she is,” Mingi quoted to correct. “Let’s start with a blank slate.”

“Interesting,” Neve stepped towards Gaeul, making her squirm- she hadn’t found the will to speak ever since she came in the presence of the darkling, and she could understand now why Yena wanted her to meet him- it was like her slumbering powers were finally cracking open their curious eyes. “She’s not entirely faerie, but there’s not a hint of darkling in her. Yet…” he brought his hand and touched a stray strand of hair. “Yet my power sings of familiarity.”

“Can you feel if… Kieran has tampered with her in any way? Her magic or her memories?” 

Neve paused and looked at Yena in surprise. “Kieran?”

“Don’t tell me how he is,” Yena mumbled and Neve looked around in surprise. Yeosang cleared his throat.

“We believe that Kieran somehow figured out the time-loop and killed Gaeul here to mess with us.”

“If he killed her, then why is she alive?” Neve frowned, looking at Mingi. “Don’t tell me you’re travelling back in time again.”

“We’re not,” Mingi shook his head. “Just confirm our suspicions and we’ll tell you the story.”

“Okay,” Neve shrugged, looking at Gaeul for permission before putting his hand on her forehead and closing his eyes, wincing before he drew back after a few moments and looking in utter surprise at Gaeul and then at the others.

“Kieran did leave one last gift for you, huh?” He managed to say, settling down on the grass as he processed what he had seen. “She used to be faerie, but now she is not. And it’s because Kieran killed her at the right time, though I’m not quite sure if he was aware of the extent of his prank…”

“You can tell him your story, Gaeul,” Yena urged, asking everyone to settle down. Gaeul nodded and looked around, Yunho beside her patting her arm in encouragement as she told him the events following her coming back from the dead, to her magic reversing and spotting those otherworldly creatures, to finding out that the Prince of Earth is her soulmate and that the bond might be the only thing that was keeping her alive.

“I think Kieran must have known that the bond could cause some significant destruction to the timeline- though it may not have been the outcome he expected. I should ask him just what he was thinking…” Neve looked cautiously at Yena who raised her brow. “He’s in our worst prison, don’t worry. Apparently we respect the treaty enough to punish even the Prince of Illusions.”

“Good riddance,” Yeosang muttered. “He’s created enough of a mess here before he left.”

“Well,” Neve crossed his legs, looking at Gaeul. “How does your magic feel right now?”

“It’s been weird ever since you came,” Gaeul admitted. “Why is that?”

“We must have something in common- I can feel it too,” Neve looked at Yeosang and Yena. “The same way I can feel with them. With those two, we are the descendants of the same magic- we’re practically related in that way,” he scoffed and Yeosang groaned, making Yunho and Mingi grin. “But with you… perhaps the dark nature of your magic speaks to my inherent nature, or perhaps…”

“The dimensional power,” Gaeul completed and he nodded grimly. “Have you heard of those creatures before?”

“I have seen them,” Neve said proudly and Yena clapped. “As she well knows, I have travelled a lot of worlds.”

“See?” Yena said haughtily. “I knew he would be of help.”

“I’m surprised you managed to contact me though,” Neve looked at Yeosang. “That was risky but it worked.”

“We’ve been here for how many days now?” Yeosang looked at Yunho and he told the day count- 136. “I thought it would be easier to reach you.”

“It would have been, but I stopped travelling in dimensions last year. It finally started taking a toll on my health,” he looked at Yena. “And so, I would advise you to limit your use of dimensional magic as well.”

“Yes sir,” Yena saluted. “So? What are those creatures?”

“The Panthers of Soca,” Neve said. “Originally from Earth but these creatures were the first to be transported to another dimension by the direct descendants of the original magic holders- those creatures are far too intelligent to have been manipulated by darklings, or even faeries.”

“Another dimension? Not another planet?” Yeosang asked.

“You know how there are uncountable dimensions layering our world. This here is still Mirinae, but another dimension that simply has a different time flow. The Panthers of Soca also dwell on Mirinae, long before it was inhabited by the faeries, but in a dimension where the state of Mirinae is accustomed to their needs.”

“So they’re… panthers? Animals?” Mingi asked.

“Not that simple,” Neve shook his head. “They have a single purpose- to bring balance to nature. They existed before faeries, and when the first faerie birthed from the purest kernels of magic, so did darklings from the darkest of magic- dark in nature but not evil, mind you. It is believed that the Panthers of Soca raised the first faerie and the darkling, making sure their powers were two halves of one whole.”

“So can they speak?” Gaeul asked.

“Not in a language we’d understand anymore.”

“So the question remains,” Yunho began. “Why did they kidnap the faeries from Mirinae? Why did they bow to Gaeul?”

Neve looked at Gaeul with curious eyes. “I’d have an explanation but the fact that they bowed to Gaeul is… unsettling. After all, she was once a mere faerie.”

“A mere faerie of the yin-yang bloodline who just so happens to be the Prince of Earth’s soulmate,” Yeosang began, making Gaeul hide her face in her hands. “Who used to have affinities for at least three elements, which is unusual as it is, even if she is from the prestige bloodline, but who just so happened to come back from the dead after being killed in a time-loop, resulting in her magic reversing so now she has the power to make a thing unalive- not kill, but lose its meaning, its existence-”

“Yeosang-” Yunho warned but he continued.

“-and who holds an affinity for cold fire- an element that was supposed to be a myth, and that’s not all- her soulmate bond remained intact after death. And you’re still wondering why the Panthers of Soca, who apparently strive for balance, bowed to her, a mere faerie?”

“I would have thrown up if I was back in Mirinae,” Gaeul muttered but everyone ignored that, staring at Yeosang who had just stated the very obvious but overwhelming facts. 

“She’s the epitome of unbalance,” Yeosang said and Gaeul was the first one to laugh at that, making everyone join in defeat. “It’s honestly a relief they didn’t decide to kill her instead.”

“Okay, now I will throw up,” Gaeul warned and Yunho put a cautious hand on her back, finding that she indeed felt queasy and sent some comforting magic through her. “But why kidnap the faeries?”

“The faeries aren’t the only one that went missing,” Neve revealed and a collective gasp sounded. “A few darklings too. I never thought it could be connected to something bigger.”

“So do we open the dimension and I don’t know, talk it out with the Panthers? Or do we make sure Gaeul is trained well first?” Mingi asked.

“You said she is my patient,” Neve smirked. “I think that means we’ll have to train.”

~

San was sure this must be how Yena had felt when some foreign darkling magic was interfering with her soulmate bond and even healing her was hurting her. Because for the past couple of days, he was positive he was simply dying. There was no other explanation- he was deteriorating from the inside, and that was a nice way to put it- his organs felt like they were catching fire though he physically felt cold.

As he sat under the glass roof of Wooyoung’s room and stared at the dark cloudy sky that kind of reflected his current state, he wondered if this was how everything would end. If he would wonder for the rest of his life what it would have been like had he lived a happy, normal life with his other half. 

He liked imagining how he would have come across Gaeul- maybe she would have finally left her home for good and come to live somewhere in Jongho’s kingdom, where she could practise her Nature magic freely. Maybe they would have crossed paths somewhere on a beach there, stopping for a moment feeling something strange in the air and going back to their separate paths, only to find each other again soon.

Or maybe she would have come to live in his kingdom. Maybe she would have met him while he was travelling, in disguise, like he had encountered Yena. Maybe he would have offered to show her around if they met on the road. 

Or, in a more romantic scenario, he would have been drawn to her anyway. Maybe he would have found himself going to the beach in Ascella and met her where she was perhaps the most powerful- with earth, nature and water element in one place. That might have heightened her soulmate bond especially when he would be closer. They would have taken one look at each other and known they were meant to meet, though it would have been a bit difficult to accept it.

San started to wonder for the first time why his soulmate wasn’t just another ordinary faerie. It could have been anyone, but Gaeul was from the most privileged bloodline of the fae. That itself was something- the fact that she possibly held affinities for not one but three elements. Even ignoring the mess that Kieran had created, it was strange enough for San’s soulmate to be this powerful. Perhaps the fates had written for him someone who could be his counterpart- someone that could match his magnitude of power.

The Earth element, as simple as it sounded, was perhaps the most vague elemental power to possess- stranger than water and nature elements. Earth wasn’t simply the soil under your feet or the bringer of life- it was also the bringer of death and destruction. The fact that the yin-yang bloodline had mostly nature and earth magic users was alarming enough, but to possess water affinity with it? Wasn’t that combination unstoppable?

And now it had taken an unknown form- he wondered just what was going on in that dimension- was Gaeul able to hold control over her powers now? Just what could she do now that she wasn’t just his counterpart but his complete opposite as well?

Nature, earth and water. What a combination-

San got up slowly, looking at the sleeping figure of Hongjoong next to him as realisation started to dawn on him. He contemplated not waking him up but figured if what he was thinking was somehow plausible even though it sounded far from it, he had to let Hongjoong know. Plus, Hongjoong always made something out of their senseless opinions too.

San poked Hongjoong’s arm repeatedly until he stirred, opening one eye. “You okay?”

“I was thinking-”

“Ugh, stop thinking and go back to sleep,” Hongjoong groaned and shifted away from him. 

San sighed. “The faeries that have been kidnapped. What magic do they possess? And how many were there?”

“It’s in the report we received a few days ago,” Hongjoong muttered sleepily. “Read that.”

“Weren’t they earth, nature and water elements holders?” 

“So you did read? What’s the problem then?”

“Think about it,” San crossed his legs, his tone urgent. “What elements did Gaeul have an affinity for?”

There were a few moments of complete silence and San wondered if Hongjoong had actually gone back to sleep before he got up abruptly and stared at San as he started connecting the dots. “So you’re saying this isn’t random?”

“Does it look random to you?” San countered and Hongjoong shook his head.

“I didn’t tell you before because I didn’t want to overwhelm you, but I think you should know now,” Hongjoong sighed, scanning the face of the younger Prince who looked pale enough as it was. “Those creatures that took the faeries? Apparently Yena accidentally opened a portal to their dimension. When they saw Gaeul, they bowed to her.”

San felt like someone had kicked him in the gut. “They… bowed to her? Out of fear-”

“Or respect,” Hongjoong countered. “Maybe both.”

“I don’t understand…”

“Nobody does,” Hongjoong patted San’s arm. “But I think I should contact them now- let them know this is something they cannot simply dismiss as coincidence.”

“How are you going to contact them?” San asked.

“A little trick I’m learning thanks to our little time-traveller,” Hongjoong smiled. “Apparently light can travel through different dimensions and time-flows without losing its form. So a simple message like this-” he snapped his fingers causing a spark to light for a few seconds. “It can travel through our dimension to theirs.”

“Wow. That’s really convenient but please don’t send it to the past,” San looked paler if that was possible. “We’ve had enough of messing with the past.”

“Don’t worry, Yena’s controlling the other end of it for now,” Hongjoong assured. “I’ll go contact them-”

“Wait-” San held Hongjoong’s wrist, stopping him. “Can I… can I see her?”

“Gaeul?” Hongjoong asked and San nodded sheepishly. “Are you sure? Actually, you can but I’m not sure if it’s such a good idea for her to see you in this state…”

“I just wanna talk to her,” San pleaded and Hongjoong gave in, sending the spark-message and asking him to brace himself for a portal opening in the room.

They felt it before it appeared in front of their eyes- a tingling feeling in the air followed by a tear in the space and the portal opening with sparks. Yena waited in front of them, Yeosang beside them.

“Every time I think he couldn’t look any worse, he surprises me,” Yeosang commented and San scoffed.

“It’s not that bad.”

“You just look like a grayscale painting of yourself, other than that? It’s fine,” Yena shook her head. “You go first, Hongjoong, because we have a lot to say.”

Hongjoong sighed in relief- it looked like there was finally a positive outcome. “Funnily enough, San’s brain actually works even when he looks like this. He says the missing faeries are all either earth, nature or water element holders.”

“See?” Yeosang looked pointedly at his twin who bit her lips guiltily. “Another item to add to my list of why Gaeul is not just a ‘mere faerie’ like Neve said.”

“Neve? You’ve done it then?”

“Just two days ago- two hours for you, that is,” Yeosang began. “Those creatures aren’t simply animals, Hongjoong. They are the Panthers of Soca- the ones that maintain the balance in nature. The ones that were there when the first faerie and darkling came into being.”

“The Panthers of Soca?” Hongjoong was positive he had gone paler than San. “I thought that was a bedtime story.”

“I thought so too, until I saw them for myself a few years ago,” Neve came into their vision and passed a subtle nod to the two. “Greetings. You look like death.”

“I feel like death, thank you,” San muttered. 

“So you’re the poor lad who’s had the misfortune to be Gaeul’s soulmate.”

“I wouldn’t call it that,” San raised a brow.

“Oh, you wouldn’t?” Neve raised a brow back. “Because I’ve been thinking about your two’s situation, and honestly? Things don’t look so bright, Prince of Earth. You’ll have to start weighing your options soon-”

“Neve,” Yena warned politely, turning to San. “He’s a darkling. He never looks at the bright side of the picture. I don’t know how I made it back when he trained me, to be honest.”

“I know what my options are,” San looked grimly but firmly at the darkling who met his stare.

“Yeah, anyways, if the faeries have something to do with Gaeul’s original powers, then what do the darkling have to do?”

“Darklings?” Hongjoong asked.

“Your kind isn’t the only one that got taken,” Neve said. “We had a few darklings that went missing, and now I’m wondering if it’s related to this.”

“Well, I think before anything we need to confirm that,” Hongjoong looked at Yena and she nodded. “If the faeries reflect Gaeul’s old powers, the darklings must have something similar- or something that resembles Gaeul’s current powers. Once we confirm…”

“We’re looking for a way to communicate with the Panthers,” Yeosang told them. “We should know why they are still keeping the faeries alive, and check if there really are darklings there too. You should go back to your library, Hongjoong…”

Everyone laughed at that as Hongjoong groaned. “Alright, I’ll see. San?”

San nodded at him before turning to Yena. “Can you call Gaeul here? I need to see her.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Yena looked at Hongjoong who nodded in approval. “I’ll get her then…”

San waited nervously and the others simply watched his face change when he finally spotted Gaeul, his eyes looking livelier than they had ever since she had left.

Gaeul, however, saw San and nearly fell on her knees right there as the feelings she had been suppressing finally let loose. San smiled weakly at her and looked at Hongjoong.

“Can I get a little privacy?”

“Uh,” Yeosang looked at Yena. “I think as long as you two don’t interfere with the portal, you can. No touching, though, you hear me? ANd no poking through it”

Gaeul raised her hands in surrender and Yeosang muttered something about how he would be monitoring her before leaving with the rest and San waited until Hongjoong left the room before turning to her.

“Hello, love.”

“You look… like me,” Gaeul laughed, suppressing her tears and San chuckled at that, warning her not to cry. “Are you okay?”

“Nothing I can’t handle,” he got up from the bed and Gaeul watched his significantly weaker steps towards the portal and Gaeul dared to take a step forward herself. “How are you? Is it too much?”

“I’m okay with everything, I’ve trained a lot here-”

“I heard,” San smiled. “Cold fire? Seriously?”

Gaeul shrugged, smiling back. “Unexpected, isn’t it?”

“I hope they aren’t too hard with their training,” San asked. “Now’s the time to complain.”

“I’m okay with everything, San, I just… I miss you so much. It’s been so long since I’ve seen you-” Gaeul looked up as tears blurred her vision. “More than 4 months. That’s a lot of time without you. I feel it more with each passing day.”

“It may have only been a few days for me, but I feel it too, if you can’t tell already,” San joked and Gaeul glared at him, making him laugh. “I never thought I’d physically need you. I think I finally understand why you couldn’t stay away from me.”

“Excuse me, you were the one who couldn’t stay away from me,” Gaeul corrected and they shared a grin. 

“I just wanted to see you once. I feel a lot better now, even though I can’t actually feel you,” San sighed. “Stay strong, Gaeul. You’ll figure this out, okay? You’ll figure this out, and then you will come back home.”

“I will come back home, to you,” Gaeul promised. “So hang in there, San.”

San took another step forward, merely inches away from the portal and it took everything in his willpower to not step right through and hold her in his arms. Gaeul reached out a hand but stopped when she heard the warning groan from Yeosang, who walked to her and held her hand, squeezing it and she was surprised he didn’t scold her.

“I think you should say goodbye now,” he told her and Gaeul looked at San who nodded at Yeosang.

“No goodbyes. I’ll see you soon, Gaeul,” San said and Gaeul felt short of breath all of a sudden, about to say something but San had already waved his hand in front of the portal, effectively dismissing it and Gaeul stood staring at empty space, feeling lost until Yeosang squeezed her hand again.

“It’s all going to be over soon. Don’t give in now.”

The tears finally escaped at the gentleness of his voice and Gaeul wiped her face with her free hand. “I just… I don’t know if it’s worse to see him like this or to not see him at all.”

Yeosang sighed, patting her back and urging her to follow him back to where everyone was waiting, looking anxious. Gaeul pursed her lips and Neve cleared his throat before he spoke, “I’ll need to confirm what powers the missing darklings possessed, and for that, I’ll have to portal back home. I see no other way, but portalling back home and then coming here again is going to be tough on me. I’m not the same person I was a few years ago, sadly.”

“Just say that you’re old now,” Yena rolled her eyes and everyone laughed a bit, lightening the mood. “How dramatic.”

“Uh, there is another way but that would involve us preparing a little,” Yunho suggested, looking at Gaeul. “We could have Yena open the portal there. We could go there.”

“Go there?” Mingi shuddered at the thought. “Those creatures will rip you apart. I’ll stay here to collect your remains, though.”

“They… won’t,” Gaeul looked at them and Neve raised a brow in surprise at the confidence. “I felt it back then. They won’t hurt me. I don’t know what we’ll do if we go there, but I know they won’t hurt you if you stay with me. If we go there and Yena can bring us back, then I’m up for it.”

“You don’t have to rush,” Yeosang reminded her, knowing very well that a part of her wanted to get this over with as quickly as possible now that she had seen San in that state. 

“I know,” Gaeul nodded in thanks. “But tell me you’re not worried about San. He looks closer to death than I ever did.”

“That’s true,” Neve commented. “He does look like he’s moments away from… fading. Whatever her magic does to life.”

“And if we can’t make it back?” Mingi dared to ask.

“Well then,” Yunho clapped as he met eyes with every one of them. “It was nice knowing you all.”

—---------------------------

[Day 142 in the other dimension/142 hours and 17 minutes in Mirinae]:

It took a lot of planning, to put it simply. A lot of planning and arguments and bickering to finally agree that yes, they were going to open the portal to the dimension where the Panthers of Soca dwelled. It was a risk, but everyone was fully prepared to defend themselves, fight back or face worse consequences.

Despite playing it safe so far, everyone did admit they were a little tired of everything now and just wanted to solve this matter and get it over with. It was Neve who finally pushed their buttons and got them to admit it, and Gaeul was thoroughly impressed by that, reminded of Wooyoung who would have probably been even quicker than Neve. 

It was actually Gaeul’s big plan- she was the one who was tired of sitting and waiting. She was tired of seeing the others pretend that each passing day wasn’t wearing them down- yes, the break must have been very much welcomed when they first came here, but it had been months. Everyone had a life they wished to resume. They missed their court, their people, and hell, even the boring meetings. They missed their friends. Yena missed her husband- it was plain as day.

And Gaeul missed San. She could not simply wait for some miracle to happen now that she had seen San in that state, looking just like she had when she came back from the dead. She would make that miracle take place. 

And for that, she needed Neve- probably the only one who could perhaps understand her. And she had been right. 

“That’s easy enough,” Neve said, glancing at the others who were looking zoned out- either playing with their surroundings or staring into the space. “I think they’re going a little crazy anyway. They need some action.”

“Right!” Gaeul instantly relaxed, making Neve stifle a grin. “I know they’re doing it to make me comfortable and whatnot but if only they knew how uncomfortable all of this is making me… And they keep talking about training me. Haven’t I trained enough?”

“You can never train enough, Gaeul dear,” he pointed out and Gaeul groaned. 

“I know, but…” Gaeul bit her lip in frustration. “I just want this to be over already. And I don’t think just sitting and waiting for something to happen is the better choice.”

“I understand,” he nodded in approval. “I think the Panthers of Soca are intelligent enough to try holding a conversation with us instead of simply attacking us. And you know what? I have this strangest feeling that they’re connected to this in more ways than we can imagine.”

“Like?” Gaeul frowned.

“You’ll see,” he smiled knowingly. “I can see what’s coming. If you use that pretty little head of yours, you might see it too. The others are far too done to even form sane thoughts.”

Gaeul looked at the rest again, laughing a bit at the sight of Yunho arranging water drops in the air, Mingi sketching in the sand, Yena and Yeosang back to back pretending to read something but Yeosang’s book was upside down and Yena’s eyes weren’t on the book at all.

“They’re hopeless,” Neve shook his head in amusement. “But they’re an odd bunch. They’d do anything for the people they care about.”

“Well,” Gaeul rubbed her arms. “I hope they don’t get too disappointed with what happens later.”

So, after countless arguments and defence plans, Yena was finally ready to open a portal to their dimension, Gaeul next to her and Neve behind them to control the portal if something went wrong. Yena took a deep breath, glancing at the rest before meeting eyes with Gaeul. “Ready?”

Her powers sang in answer as if they had waited for this very moment. Gaeul nodded and Yena shut her eyes, concentrating on getting the right calculations and getting the portal working, Neve providing help once she started opening it- a tear in the space itself, Gaeul was always surprised to see. The portal grew wider, the murky cloud in it clearing and revealing-

The same spot where they stood, except the world seemed darker and shadows prowled the land.

For a few moments, everyone was simply too surprised to react as the sight of the Panthers became clearer- their eyes sharp colours of green and yellow as they spotted Gaeul. She held her breath, watching them turn and then walk with cautious strides towards the portal. Yena waved her extended hands with a sense of finality, letting the portal hang in the air so she could relax back and Neve followed suit.

One of the Panthers came forward and scanned each of them slowly before fixing its eyes on Gaeul and then, with a small bow, it rose. Gaeul could feel everyone holding their breaths, and when it opened its mouth to speak-

“It’s been a while, Im Gaeul.”

Gaeul glanced around but they all looked beyond confused. She cleared her throat. “How do you know my name?”

It was a simple, perhaps stupid question, but she hadn’t heard her full name in such a long time that it shook her to the core. Yena whipped her neck back to gape at Gaeul.

“We know everything about each one of you,” the Panther spoke and Gaeul felt its voice echo in her head in the most odd way- as if she could hear it from her ears and from inside her mind at the same time. “We have a lot to talk about.”

“We do,” Gaeul said and once again, watched everyone around her lower their defences as they tried to make sense of the situation.

“How come you’re talking to it?” Yeosang was the first one to ask. “What language are they speaking? Do you understand?”

Gaeul looked in confusion at Neve who simply looked oddly satisfied, as if all his predictions about how this encounter would go were coming true. He scoffed. “She seems to understand their language.”

“They’re speaking a different language than all of us?” Gaeul whisper-screamed, making Yena stagger on her step and she wrapped her trembling hand around Gaeul’s. 

“If you allow us to enter, we shall talk about everything. We have the answers to your questions, but first, you must allow us to enter into your world.”

“You didn’t need that when you stepped in Mirinae, why do you need my permission now?” Gaeul dared to ask.

“Because we’re finally contacting you. We shouldn’t have let it get to that, but we are finally making contact. There is no other way.”

“What are they saying?” Yunho asked.

“They want to enter this dimension so they can talk,” Gaeul looked at the rest. “Shall we allow them then?”

“You should,” Neve was the first one to speak. “And all of you should take care not to disrespect these creatures.”

Mingi looked pale- perhaps, he sensed something different about this situation. “Allow them to enter then.”

“You sure about this?” Yena asked Gaeul and she nodded. Yena nodded at the Panthers and two of them stepped through the portal and their presence finally hit-

Power. Raw, limitless power. That’s what this was. Gaeul wondered why the Panthers bowed to her when they should have been bowing to such power. She watched them sit, their wings drawn in and tails moving in the slowest motion.

“We bow to you because we must apologise for letting it get to this point,” the Panther began. “All that has happened. All that has gone wrong. It wasn’t meant to be like this.”

“Why do I understand your language but they don’t?” Gaeul asked. 

“All the answers in due time,” the Panther was almost smiling. “But first, you must hear our story and make a decision. Only you are allowed the privilege to make your own decisions.”

Gaeul’s heart sank- she looked at the others and translated their message. Yunho said it was better that she heard them out first and they would talk later, so Gaeul readied herself to hear their story.

“The reason you are here today, Gaeul, is because we allowed something to happen after your Prince of Illusions, Junyoung, died. His uncle was far too gone to let it go and he performed necromancy- the worst sin. That is the moment everything started to go wrong.”

“But that happened more than 25 years ago?” Gaeul frowned in confusion.

“It was something that should never have happened. If we had taken care of it at that time, you would have been living your old life. We are the maintainers of balance, yet, a bad judgement on our part that perhaps, the darkling Kieran who got brought into this world by force could live like a faerie… we didn’t foresee the corruption and the wrongs that would follow.

“Kieran was forcefully brought to Mirinae. Junyoung’s uncle could have very well raised him as his own, however, his mind deteriorated and he resorted to the ugliest path of them all. He kidnapped Yena- and that would not have happened had we stopped it right when he performed necromancy.”

“But that must not have been the first time necromancy was performed, right?” Gaeul glanced at Yena and Yena realised what they must be talking about. “Why was this time different?”

“We have the power to see all the possible flows of time and events that will follow after a decision,” the Panther said. “Thus, we have the power to change the time flow if something goes horribly wrong.”

“But you let it happen?” Gaeul almost whispered.

“It was the first time we could not see the time flow clearly- perhaps, the necromancy was supposed to happen. Perhaps, Yena was supposed to get kidnapped. That’s why we stayed put, because everything was still in balance. However… when Yena reunited with her family and the Prince of Dark got killed… that’s when we realised the time flow was damaged already- beyond repair. And only one thing could fix it now.”

“I… I don’t understand,” Gaeul’s voice quivered and Yena put a hand on her back, knowing her life events were involved since her name was being called so frequently. 

“The time-loop is a complex thing, and it is the first time we witnessed such a complex loop. It would have been a never-ending series of Yena going back in time to save Seonghwa, and Seonghwa getting killed again and again. It would have looped for infinity- but we could foresee that, and if we let it run its original path, perhaps, at one point, Yena would have given up on saving Seonghwa. How would the timeline have flowed then? It would have been the demise of your kind- for a time-loop to repeat itself for infinity before it breaks and follows a route unforeseen, it would have caused the end of your species. Your world would have folded in on itself and none of you would have remained.”

It hit Gaeul then- just how she was connected. Why the Panthers, such powerful creatures, bowed to her- in apology.

“And to prevent the time-loop from looping into infinity…” Gaeul almost whispered.

“Yes. For that, we had to intervene. We should have intervened earlier, but the damage was done. We used you as the last resort- a yin-yang faerie who’s soulmate happened to be powerful enough. We planted in Kieran’s head the idea to kill you. We let you die at the right time so the time-loop would end, so the faeries who sacrificed so much by leaving Earth and making Mirinae their home… they could all live. But for that… you had to die first.”

“Should I have remained dead then?” Gaeul could feel the sting of tears already.

“Not at all. Because we let you die at the right time, you came back. It is us who brought you back to life, slowly, surely. It is your bond with your soulmate that allowed us to do so. Your natural powers reversing is just a consequence you have to live with now. It seems like you’ve embraced it.”

Gaeul didn’t answer. “Why kidnap the faeries and the darklings then?”

“The reason we took all these faeries and darklings is because they possess magic similar to your original magic and your current one. They are safe- you need not worry. If you choose to live, their magic might help with the restoration. If you choose death, they will wake up with no memory of being here. But you need to make a decision-”

“Why give me a choice at all?”

“Because we have wronged you, and we will allow you a choice now- you can choose to remain dead. Your soulmate will never know he lost his other half. Because you have come back now, and the timeline is restored to something that does not lead to the end of the faeries, we can make it so that you never came back at all. None of them will know you ever existed.”

Gaeul couldn’t believe her ears and her heart tugged at her. “I should have been given this choice before you brought me back to life.”

“We couldn’t allow it to happen at that time,” the Panther shook its head slowly, the other grunting in agreement. “But you can choose now. Or… you can continue down this road.”

“How can I continue down this road when I’m still struggling to live with myself?” Gaeul’s voice raised in anger and the rest shifted in confusion.

“We can try to restore the soulmate bond to its original state. It is the only thing we can do for you now.”

“If you can see the multiple time flows, you must already know how this ends?” Gaeul asked. 

“We cannot see it because you are an anomaly, and your decisions are being influenced by us. Therefore, we do not know what will be better for you. Magic is a part of our existence, and losing it is losing a part of one’s own self forever- and you have lost your original magic forever. However… a soulmate bond is equally as precious, though your mate can continue to love you even without the bond. But we cannot guarantee your wellbeing if you choose to live and restore the soulmate bond. You could end up losing this magic too- forever. Or you could end up losing what is left of the bond too. ”

“But the bond is the reason I was able to come back, wasn’t it?” Gaeul was crying now. “Is it the only reason I had to be the one to be sacrificed?”

The Panthers didn’t respond and Gaeul finally understood why they gave her the option of death as well. She could go back so she never got to relive this misery.

But… her life now was anything but miserable. She had found a family now. San loved her. Could she give him up? And if she chose to restore the soulmate bond… 

Could she live as a faerie without magic? It was, she had heard in old poems, worse than losing a limb. It was like losing a part of yourself- she had experienced some of it herself and it had almost driven her crazy. What if she couldn’t take it?

And worse of all, what if she ended up losing everything just because she was selfish enough to want to live? She would lose her magic that she had just started accepting, and her soulmate bond. She would be nothing without the two. It didn’t matter if San would still love her- she didn’t doubt that. San would love her no matter who she was, but…

Could she live with herself? 

“What happens if I choose to live and everything goes wrong?” Gaeul asked, startling everyone.

“We do not know. What is a faerie without its magic and its bond? If it is a risk you must be willing to take… then you are very brave. Think about it, faerie. And when you have made a decision, we will be ready..”

“I understand,” Gaeul nodded and the Panthers got up, scanning each one of them before turning around, a portal appearing in front of them. They disappeared into it and the rest of them relaxed but Gaeul remained motionless.

“I have no idea what they talked about,” Yena patted her back again. “But I have a feeling I know.”

“I have a feeling I’m right too,” Neve muttered.

“I don’t know,” Gaeul sighed. “Do you mind if I take a breather before I tell you what we talked about?”

“Not at all,” Yena assured and Gaeul passed a weak smile before going towards the shore, leaving the rest confused but they would wait. They would give her all the time she needed to sort her thoughts out.

But to everyone’s surprise, Gaeul called Neve to talk in private and he passed a knowing glance to Yena before he joined Gaeul by the shore.

“You look too pale, kid,” he began. “Everything alright?”

“I need advice- and I’m not asking any of them because I know what they will say,” Gaeul looked at the rest who were stealing cautious glances. “Would you like to hear what the Panthers said about all of this?”

Gaeul told him everything and Neve looked oddly satisfied. “I knew it was something along those lines,” he admitted. “The thing with Kieran definitely should not have happened. I figured you were used as a sacrificial goat too, but… I didn’t expect them to be apologetic about it, neither did I expect that the world would basically have ended if they let the timeline in which Seonghwa remains dead run. Makes you wonder just how powerful they all are, doesn’t it?” He glanced back, spotting them getting closer every second as if they couldn’t contain their curiosity anymore. He waved his fist in the air in warning and they scattered off.

“They’re… so young right now,” Neve sighed. “They would not understand how their actions have forever changed something in this universe.”

“Right,” Gaeul felt nauseous. “What do you think I should do?”

Neve glanced at the faerie- she looked torn. “I think the dumber decision is to choose the plain old death when, if you choose to live and restore the bond anyway, there is a chance you will eventually die.”

“Thanks for the confidence boost,” Gaeul muttered.

“But if they do succeed…” Neve was smirking. “It’s a win-win situation, isn’t it?”

Gaeul pursed her lips. “I’m more scared of becoming something I am not because there’s still a chance this could go very, very wrong.”

“You’re already something you are not,” Neve pointed out and she realised he was right. 

“I don’t know,” Gaeul sighed, biting her lips. “Death seems pretty appealing right now. San would never know I existed. Everyone would go on living their life and I’d move on.”

“You won’t,” Neve’s eyes twinkled. “Yeosang will still remember who you are when he meets you as a dead spirit. It’s one of the drawbacks of his powers- I know, because we share the same powers. And I wouldn’t forget you either. Not sure about Yena, but if she also remembers you? She’ll go to hell and back to undo the damage she has done and make it worse than it is.”

“And that is exactly why I’m not talking to her right now,” Gaeul groaned, feeling her heart torn between her love for the princess who really would do anything for her no matter what and anger because she did not know what to do and how to handle this.

“Look, it’s your decision,” Neve raised his hand. “I’m just pointing out the odds. It’s worth trying to live because you’re going to die either way- a clean death or a slow death will be the only difference. You’d actually be a coward to choose death-”

“You would have done the same,” Gaeul glared at him. “Can you imagine losing your magic and the soulmate bond?”

“The former, I can,” Neve sighed. “Sometimes… it is wise to be a coward. You should have let me finish the sentence.”

“Thanks for your help,” Gaeul sighed. “I’ll talk to them now. They need to know the whole truth. They deserve it- Yena deserves it.”

—----------------

Gaeul had just finished telling the others what she had learned from the Panthers and she watched them settle into a confused, somewhat angry but a bit satisfied mess. 

Satisfied because all of it finally made sense.

“I still can’t wrap my head around it,” Yena broke the silence after what seemed like an hour of letting all the information sink in. “Because I planted the dreams about Seonghwa’s fate in his head so before he died, he could tell me what to do to save him when Kieran decides to kill him. Does that mean the idea wasn’t mine?”

“I’m wondering how I knew just where and when to find you when you jumped back in time,” Yunho was staring into the distance. “I don’t think my water magic alone could have done that.”

“Right?” Yena huffed. “I don’t know what to make of it. I just know that I’m really, really angry all of it had to happen this way.”

“Can we make a decision now?” Gaeul almost whined. “You’ve done enough thinking- it isn’t that hard-”

“It is,” Yena insisted. “The Panthers said they can’t see the influence of your decisions on the timeline anymore since they intervened- this means there can be another path, another possibility we haven’t entertained yet. I’m not letting you risk yourself like this.”

“Neve,” Gaeul begged for help but he ignored her, drawing figures in the sand. She looked to her next ray of hope- Yeosang.

“Please tell me you see the obvious answer.”

“I’m with Yena on this one, sorry,” Yeosang almost laughed when Gaeul groaned loudly. “Look- there are a number of ways this could go differently, not just the two paths they told you. They’re not all-knowing. Give us some time to think.”

“Mingi?” He was near enough that Gaeul poked his arm for good measure. “What do you think?”

“I’m with whatever you choose,” he said with a tight-lipped smile. “Unless you choose dying because I’m not letting that happen-

“Not you too,” Gaeul groaned, meeting eyes with Yunho who seemed lost in thought. Gaeul waved a hand in front of him and he came back to reality, getting up. 

“Come with me, I want to talk to you about something.”

“You can talk here,” Yeosang narrowed his eyes and Yunho laughed.

“Not for your ears, this one,” Yunho pointed at every one of them and they stuck their tongues out collectively, making Gaeul smile for the first time in a while before she followed Yunho.

“I think it’s about time I talk to you about why Seonghwa asked me to keep an eye on you and let him know if things went south,” Yunho revealed and Gaeul gaped at him, making him shake his head. “I was quite burdened by the task, you know. I’m wondering if I should involve him now.”

“I feel betrayed but also pleased that you all care about me like this,” Gaeul smiled in defeat. “I was wondering who to burden with such a task again-”

“Gaeul-”

“You’re the right person,” Gaeul paused, facing him and Yunho looked like he wanted to run away. “If I choose to live and become someone who I am not… I would like someone to do something about it instead of letting me live like that and letting me lose myself. You understand, right?”

“This isn’t right,” Yunho shook his head furiously. “You deserve a happy, healthy and long life, Gaeul.”

“But what if it’s just not possible?” Gaeul smiled sadly. “I don’t think I deserve a sad, miserable and short life, do I?”

“You know what?” Yunho put his hands in his pockets. “You should fight back for once. I don’t like how you just accept things as if you have no will to live. Ask the Panthers to do their best for you. They should be able to restore your bond at least, if not your magic, with the powers they have. They should do that for you because they’re the reason you’re here now. And Gaeul… I was wondering if you had finally started enjoying life. Was I wrong?”

“You weren’t,” Gaeul sighed. “I’m selfish, aren’t I? I wish I could think like you guys but… you should understand I’ve never been able to be selfish about something until now.”

Yunho admitted defeat then- Gaeul was right. So much had happened to her ever since she came back to life and the way she had lived her previous life hidden from the world, forbidden from venturing into unknown territories even of her own magic? It was no surprise Gaeul found it so easy to give up on things. 

“You have something you want to live for now, don’t you?” Yunho asked.

“I do,” she smiled at the memory of San. “But not just for the reasons you think. I like where I am- I like what we have, even though we didn’t meet in the best circumstances. I have found a family in all of you, and I wish I could keep it.”

“Then try, for us. Let us be selfish with you for once. Do it for yourself and for us. And… I promise that if things go south and I find you in pain that you cannot bear… I’ll take care of things. Me and Seonghwa and Hongjoong… we’ll take care of it.”

Gaeul looked in surprise at Yunho- not at his offer but at his candid confession that he thought the same of her-

“But for that, you have to try living first, Gaeul. You have to give yourself that final chance. Don’t leave us wondering what would have happened otherwise.”

-but because he, all of them returned her sentiments. All of them would want her to live. She was overwhelmed with this feeling of being wanted, of being loved, and she found herself looking around, sitting at the nearest rock and sighing deeply, looking up at the sky and basking in hope.

Hope that everything will be alright.

Yunho seemed to understand that and he let her have a moment. Gaeul finally spoke, “I’ve never had someone do so much for me. I may not be the best at returning this, but I want to. I’ll try living, and I won’t forget what you all have done for me. And I’d like to do something for all of you in return, when everything is over.”

“You don’t need to do anything for us,” Yunho scoffed in amusement. “Don’t let Wooyoung hear you say that, by the way.”

Gaeul laughed, wiping her eyes. “But I’ll also ask you to keep your promise. If things go wrong… please don’t make me suffer for too long, will you?”

Yunho pursed his lips, looking like he could cry as the weight of it finally started sinking in. “Is there… is there a place you would like to rest at if it comes to that- heavens forbid it comes to that.”

“You’d know even if I don’t tell you,” Gaeul winked and Yunho shook his head. Of course he did. And when Yunho put an affectionate hand on her head to caress it and tell her the things he wanted to say out loud- to be strong, to face this with a smile on her face, to put her worries aside for a while and trust that everyone here has her back, Gaeul found herself burying her head in her knees, feeling sure for the first time in her life-

That she was meant to be here. 

—----------------------

Gaeul had made her decision.

For the people who loved her, for the family she had found in them, but most importantly, for herself, she made the decision to live and restore the soulmate bond so it would stop killing both San and herself. 

She could live with this magic. She could live being ‘the Queen of the Underworld’ as they were calling her. If she managed to restore her soulmate bond with San and her yin-yang element remained intact, she might even be able to tap into San’s power and share it. It wouldn’t be her own, and it would probably be too dangerous to even try, but…

Gaeul smiled to herself- perhaps it was a gift that her soulmate was San who possessed pretty much the same elemental power as her original magic. She would find solace in San even magically. Perhaps, it was meant to be this way.

Besides, her new magic wasn’t all that bad, Gaeul was realising. There was much more than wilting nature- she had a whole new element now. She could master that and venture further into the unexplored territories of her magic- hopefully, her magic wouldn’t have those spontaneous outbursts of uncontrolled power now. If it could get less chaotic and controllable… she could deal with that.

“What are you thinking?” Yeosang gave Gaeul a funny look, having spotted her smiling as they prepared to contact the rest and tell them about Gaeul’s decision. Yena had taken to explaining what they had talked about with the Panthers earlier, knowing Seonghwa would be distraught and feel the same as she felt- like somehow, this was all their fault when they, too, were simply chess pieces in the game of time. 

“I’m thinking that I wished I had known how much my perspective of life would have changed if I had simply been a bit more optimistic about the future,” Gaeul almost muttered the last part, making Yeosang laugh out loud.

“There’s a reason pessimists exist,” Yeosang grinned, “so there’s someone to ground the optimists.”

“You should simply be a ‘realist’,” Mingi commented, handing Gaeul a sliced piece of peach that he had found in one of the stalls in town and was binge-eating. 

“Wasn’t I a realist?” Gaeul asked.

“I was the only one with a remotely realistic perspective-”

“No, that’s me,” Yunho intervened and before the two could argue, Yena clapped to get everyone’s attention. 

“Gaeul- it’s time to tell San what your decision is and bring him here- Hongjoong should have explained everything to him by now.”

While Yena waited for Gaeul to exit the group that was pointing fingers at each other now, Neve elbowed her. “Do you reckon we bring everyone here? Just in case? The faeries and darklings might not be enough.”

“Oh?” Yena wondered. “But the Panthers said something about them having the same powers-”

“Come on, think about it,” Neve looked at the group. “All of them are connected to Gaeul magically in some way, right? Yunho and Mingi with ice and fire for the cold flame, Yeosang being a bridge to two worlds like Gaeul, and you,” Neve looked at Yena. “Gaeul can probably willingly open portals to the Underworld.”

“Seonghwa with the darkness of their magic,” Yena continued, seeing Neve’s point, “Jongho with his nature magic, but what about Wooyoung and Hongjoong?”

“The only elements that might be able to combat her magic,” Neve smiled in satisfaction. “The Panthers should have just kidnapped you lot and made things easier for everyone.”

Yena laughed at that and Gaeul finally joined the two. Yena immediately opened the portal, not wanting to waste more time- the rest were gathered in Wooyoung’s room with San, who immediately brightened as soon as he spotted Gaeul, waving enthusiastically at her. Neve opened the other portal to the Panthers and three of them entered this time. Gaeul explained what decision she had made and Neve told them how it might help with her decision if all the elementals were present. When they agreed, they gave them some space and Yena smiled at Seonghwa.

“Can you step in, Hwa?”

Seonghwa looked confused- he did not know of their new plan. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, please, step in,” Yena was jumping up and down with excitement now, making the rest laugh and when Seonghwa stepped in, Yena jumped in his arms as she hugged him, Seonghwa swinging her around and kissing her temple. Gaeul smiled at the two, her heart aching to do the same to San even though she knew she couldn’t- not right now.

“They’re getting busy,” Neve made a face as he spotted the couple kissing each other everywhere. “Hongjoong, you next.”

“Are we all going?” Even Wooyoung looked excited.

“One by one, yes,” Neve rolled his eyes, clapping. “Hurry up!”

Hongjoong grinned, walking through the portal and giving Gaeul a somewhat awkward pat on the back and telling her she did well. Next, Wooyoung came through, immediately crushing Gaeul in a hug.

“I’m so glad-” Wooyoung broke apart, squishing her cheeks and making her groan in pain, “-that you’re normal now. Somewhat. San couldn’t shut up about you so I kind of hate you a little right now.”

“Not sorry about that,” Gaeul grinned and Wooyoung left to join the rest of his friends, taken aback when he was the one who was showered with hugs and kisses now- after all, it had only been about 6 days for him while almost 5 months had passed for the ones in the other dimension.

Yena finally came back, looking the happiest she had in a while, instructing Jongho to help bring San to their dimension after the Panthers would put a shield around Gaeul so that their proximity would not cause her magic- or San’s- to burst explosively. 

San wished he could go and simply even hold Gaeul’s hand when he saw her up close but even with the shield, the two sucked in their breaths when they spotted each other, their hearts swelling with a flurry of emotions and their magic roiling restlessly inside them. The Panthers couldn’t help but strengthen their shields as they felt the shift in the air- a shift that made even the creatures restless. Jongho passed a weak smile to Gaeul, having felt San’s magic through direct contact, and steered him away where the others waited.

One of the Panthers grunted to catch her attention. “We have gathered faeries and darklings that possess the same kernels of magic that you once did, or do now. They are safe- we have tapped into their powers which will help shape our own magic as we try to restore your bond with your soulmate. On our cue, you must tap into the deepest part of your magic- but do not take one step further. Wait right there.”

“Okay,” Gaeul nodded- she had learned how to do that pretty recently. “What about San?”

“Once you are ready, we will bring him into the circle which will cause your powers to explode- before it can do any damage, we must contain it. The darkling is wise- or perhaps, we have been too dependent on what we could foresee to think for ourselves. The rest of them must tap into any magic that resembles yours and right at the moment when San enters the circle, they must direct all their energy into the circle.”

“Is that safe?”

“We cannot guarantee your safety or San’s.”

“But I cannot risk San’s safety-”

“It has been decided. The decision was not only yours to make in case you decided to restore the soulmate bond, faerie. The decision was also equally San’s to make.”

Gaeul looked at San in disbelief who smiled knowingly, nodding. “...How?”

San pointed to Hongjoong and Gaeul realised he must have been some sort of messenger between the Panthers and San. She made a mental note to ask San just how it happened, half tempted to exit the circle and simply grab him by his shoulders and shake some sense into him because he was risking his life. He chose to risk his life when he could very well have denied it. All Gaeul could pray was that if anyone was getting hurt during this process, it would be her, not him.

“You do not understand that your pain is his, and his pain is yours, as long as you are bonded,” The Panther said. “It doesn’t matter who makes the decision because the outcome will be the same for both of you. However, we only thought it fair to alert your other half that you were about to make a decision that would affect him no matter which path you chose. Even if you had chosen to give up, San would have lived with the pain of a dead soulmate.”

Gaeul’s heart swelled at the thought and she nodded- some things were just beyond her control and understanding. Praying one last time to all the forces above that things wouldn’t get more messed up from here, Gaeul instructed Neve on what to do and watched all of them take their positions, San waiting right outside the circle the Panthers had formed.

“The union of 3 worlds takes place- the faeries, the darklings and us- the Panthers. The trinity loop comes to an end for once and for all- the one that began when Kang Yena time travelled- a timeline where Seonghwa would have remained dead, the current timeline where Seonghwa was brought back through time travel, and… a timeline where none of this would have happened in the first place. Thus we begin to fix what has been broken, to provide compensation for a sacrifice that had to take place without the consent of the involved.”

Gaeul’s heart sank- it was finally clear just how messed up the time travel business was. She shivered involuntarily and the Panther told her to tap into her magic. With a cue to the darkling, Gaeul shut her eyes and muted everything around her, pushing every thought away and willing herself to peek into the deepest part of her magic-

Where it was so, so dark. Where an eerie silence threatened to swallow her, hanging like impending doom on her. Where there was no one but herself and what her magic had become-

And the lone spark of bright magic in front of her, moving around like a firefly, glowing a brilliant shade of golden. The magic that connected her with San- the soulmate bond. The one thing that brought her back to life, the one thing that kept her alive.

She could feel in her heart that she had made the right decision.

The magic moved around her, watching her and circling her, waiting and waiting for what was next. And then all of a sudden, it exploded with such force that if it wasn’t her subconscious but herself standing there, she would have burned to ashes by the sheer force of it. Gaeul thought it was beautiful that the last thing she saw was the colour of San’s magic, that the last thing she felt was how warm his magic was, before she passed out in its embrace.

—----------------------------

“Look, there’s a reason it is called butt and not ‘butts’. It is one unit.”

“And when we give a shot to someone, we just call it a shot on the butt, right-”

“But there’s two of them”

“-not a shot on the right butt or the left butt!”

Gaeul groaned, clenching her shut eyes as she tried to move her limbs but all she could focus on right now was-

“Look, it’s just one unit with two subunits, the left buttcheek and the right buttcheek-”

“Right! You don’t say the left butt and the right butt, do you?”

“No, that’s different, it’s two because-”

“It’s one, now please, for the love of god, stop talking about butts,” Gaeul finally managed to open her eyes, the lights flooding her vision. She could feel someone check her pulse, someone opening her eyes wide- probably checking her vitals. She pushed them back as best as she could, muttering a ‘wait’ before sitting upright, her head spinning. She buried her head in her knees as she tried to make sense of what was going on-

She looked up again, inspecting her surroundings as her vision started to clear. There were a few women standing cautiously around her. She didn’t recognise them nor did she recall ever being in this room- it looked like a healing chamber but where was she?

One of the women stepped forward, her eyes curving into a smile. “Can you tell me your name?”

“... Gaeul. Where am I?”

“Where do you think?” She smiled knowingly. “How does your magic feel?”

Her magic.

It was so calm inside her. It felt like she was breathing for the first time in her life- no dangerous gut feelings, none of that tickling sensation in her nerves that was a sign of her chaotic magic. Gaeul raised her hand in front of her eyes and willed her magic, wondering if she just had a very long dream-

A snowflake that burned like fire formed and settled into her hand in cold ashes. Everyone around her shifted uncomfortably- some out of curiosity, some out of fear of the unknown element in front of them. Gaeul looked at the woman in front of her who was the least surprised and it finally came to her like a flood of memories-

San. Her magic. Her bond.

She could feel something in her heart this time, something that resembled neither the doom she was so used to feeling now, nor the chaos, but something almost pure, resembling hope. Was it her soulmate bond? It felt so different now- it was not demanding, it was not overwhelming. It was simply there, waiting patiently, something timeless.

Gaeul sucked in a sharp breath. “Is… Is San here?”

“You’re in Prince San’s kingdom, in the Healer’s chambers,” the woman said. “I’m Jihyo, the Head Healer.”

“Jihyo,” Gaeul nodded- she had heard about her from both San and Yena. “What happened- how long have I been here?”

“You’ll know everything soon, please allow me to inspect your magic first,” she insisted and Gaeul nodded, letting her put a hand on her forehead. She watched her shut her eyes and go somewhere for a moment before she nodded, drawing away. “Do you feel overwhelmed in any way? Any indication you might have a magical outburst?”

“None, it feels very… different now. Almost new,” Gaeul said, recalling her last memory- the Panthers of Soca around her. “Is everyone… Did it go okay?”

“Everyone is fine, you returned safe and sound,” Jihyo finally relaxed. “And everything about your magic looks good. Welcome to the Kingdom of Cancer, Gaeul. It’s a pleasure to have you here, and San has been waiting for you for quite some time. Do you want me to escort you?”

Gaeul nodded, following her and pausing midway when she spotted a mirror-

Her skin no longer looked like death. There was life on her face, in the pink tint of her cheeks, in the way her eyes glowed. Jihyo grinned at her. “Like what you see?”

Gaeul laughed at that. “I just… it’s been a while since I looked like myself.”

“I heard,” she nodded in understanding and Gaeul asked her to lead the way.

As they exited the healing chambers, Gaeul noticed the details about San’s castle that he had shared with her during the last few days they had spent together before Gaeul had portalled to the other dimension. She loved the fact that the castle was more beautiful than she had imagined- the simple traditional style of the castle with all its grey and brown tones felt like it was meant for the Prince of Earth. 

Along the way, Jihyo pointed out the details of the castle- the Great Hall, the library which she promised to give a separate tour of later, the frames of some individuals of importance, a secret passageway that Gaeul wondered just how ‘secret’ it was if she knew now. Finally, when they reached the section of the castle where the royal family and guests dwelled, it started settling in and Gaeul could feel her heart fluttering, the bond growing restless.

“And that,” Jihyo pointed, “is Prince San’s chamber. Do you want the guard to call him out or let you in?”

“Am I allowed to go in?” Gaeul asked, earning a chuckle from Jihyo.

“Well, you are his soulmate. You can scare him to death if you want,” Jihyo winked and Gaeul grinned.

“He can probably feel me as well, can’t he?” Gaeul asked and Jihyo nodded, smiling. 

“You know what? I’ll go in and brief him. He’s not the strongest when it comes to matters like these. Meanwhile… oh, here he comes. Dokyeom! She’s awake! Give her some company while I go tell San.”

“Oh my god, she’s awake!” 

Gaeul laughed at the tall man who rushed towards her and stopped abruptly a few feet away from her, scanning her once before baring his teeth in surprise at the healer who warned him not to try anything funny before she knocked and went inside. Dokyeom bowed dramatically. “Welcome to the Kingdom of Cancer. I am Dokyeom, Prince San’s Right Hand. Do you know what a Right Hand is?”

Gaeul shook her head in amusement, anticipating his answer. He cleared his throat. “A Right Hand is basically the actual person running the castle while the prince sits on his ass on his fancy throne and pretends to give orders. It is I who is burdened with the royal affairs and the never ending duties!” He sighed dramatically and Gaeul finally laughed- she had heard all about him too and knew all about San’s court of comedians. “Now that Prince San has found his soulmate, my burdens will increase-”

“I could help decrease them, if you’d like,” Gaeul decided to play along and Dokyeom’s eyes lightened.

“Ah, I didn’t realise this could go both ways. What’s the catch?”

“Hmm… I’ll think about it and let you know, yeah?”

While the two grinned at each other, both suddenly feeling like partners-in-crime even though they had just met, Jihyo came back and folded her arms at the two, already knowing nothing could be done now that they had teamed up.

“Gaeul… He’s ready to see you.”

Gaeul gulped and the two practically had to push her inside. Once they shut the door and Gaeul was left alone…

It hit like the first time.

She could see San’s back from where she stood at the entrance of what she presumed had to be the living room- not as lavish as she thought but magnificent nonetheless. San was standing at the edge of the balcony, facing the sky- she could tell he was nervous. She recalled the first time she had felt him before she had seen him, when he found her in Wooyoung’s basement. This felt just like that time.

Slowly, Gaeul walked until she reached the balcony herself and then paused- she could now see San’s chest move as he breathed. She knew that he was aware that Gaeul was right behind him. Perhaps, he didn’t have the strength to move right now, just like Gaeul didn’t have the strength to call his name and make him look at her. 

She didn’t know how many days she had been unconscious here, but it had been almost 5 months in the other dimension for her. 5 months without San. She couldn’t believe how she survived that but oh, was she glad to be here right now.

So without waiting any longer, Gaeul walked to him and wrapped her arms, slowly but surely around him, hearing him suck his breath in as she pressed her body to his in a back hug. San didn’t move, didn’t dare breath for a good few moments, almost making Gaeul worried but when he finally relaxed and sniffed, Gaeul knew she wasn’t the only one overwhelmed with emotions right now. 

San paced his hands on hers- this time, they didn’t feel that tingling sensation, that course of electricity in their nerves that they had become addicted to, yet… this felt way more intimate, knowing there was no interference of magic this time. Just simply two people who had lost each other and found each other, over and over again.

They stayed like this for a moment until Gaeul finally nudged her head against his body. “Hello… San.”

She could feel him smile even though she couldn’t see it. His rich, smooth voice rang in her ears as he said, “Oh, how I’ve missed you, Gaeul.”

Gaeul sighed, unwrapping herself and letting him turn in her arms until he finally faced her and the two grinned at the sight of each other before they hugged again, this time fiercer, almost crushing. San rocked her body against his and they both laughed as they tried to find the words.

“I missed you too,” Gaeul finally said as she drew back, his arms around her waist while she caressed the soft skin of his face, pushed the strands of his hair back. “It’s been too long.”

“It’s been long for me too,” San pouted. “You were out cold for 33 days now. Do you have any idea how scared I was?”

“33 days?” Gaeul gasped. That was unexpected. “Just what happened?”

“Well, what happened was that you gave it your all,” San smiled proudly, pressing a kiss on her forehead that made her flush. “I was out cold for a few days too. They said our bond was stronger than any, now that it had survived death. And everyone who was there- everyone shared their powers with you, for us. So we could have a second chance. And look at you now,” He smiled widely. “You’re okay. We’re okay, Gaeul. We made it.”

Gaeul rested her forehead against his chest as she let the words sink in. She had done it. Her magic was no longer chaotic- it was new but it was hers. And her bond… “Are we okay?”

“We’re more than okay,” San caressed her head. “This is where I’m meant to be.”

“This is where I’m meant to be,” Gaeul drew back. “Thank you for believing in me, San.”

San nodded- it was the least he could have done. He pressed another kiss to her forehead, wiping the tears that left her eyes. “No more crying, okay? You’re home now.”

“Home,” Gaeul smiled. “I’ve always been home, San, when you were with me.”

“God, I’m so glad you’re back,” San hugged her briefly again before drawing back and cupping her face. “Can I kiss you?”

Gaeul’s heart warmed at the way he was so cautious as if doubting her need, her want to be with him. So in answer, she fisted his shirt and he wasted no more time crashing his lips on hers.

Again, Gaeul couldn’t help but be surprised at the fact that it felt just like the first time- perhaps, it was just the soulmate bond that made everything more intense. Gaeul moved her lips along his desperate ones, trailing her hands up and down the soft material of his button-up shirt. San picked her up effortlessly in between kissing, the two sharing a laugh as he brought her inside and placed her on the couch as if she was fragile. It broke Gaeul’s heart.

“I’m not a timebomb anymore, San,” Gaeul scoffed. “You can be yourself.”

“Oh?” San raised a brow, a devilish glint in his eyes- the first time she saw it and it made warmth course through every nerve in her body. “I thought you wanted to go slow-”

Gaeul arched up to kiss him, earning a surprised yet pleased groan from him. “For you it may have been some 30 days, but for me it has been 6 months-”

“5. You were out cold for one-”

“Shh,” Gaeul smacked his arm and San laughed, kissing her jaw. He continued to trail his lips down her neck, peppering kisses along the way. “I won’t break now. I’m feeling so different now, San. Do you feel it too?”

“How so?” He asked, sitting back and bringing Gaeul to rest on his lap so he could caress her head or kiss her as he wished. 

“Just… so normal. There’s no funny feeling anymore when we touch, so I guess it’s just-”

“Just the plain old nerves,” San smiled knowingly. “But heightened.”

Gaeul nodded. “And my magic- well, basically, I don’t feel like death now, but I also don’t feel so good.”

“That’s because your magic now has a new potential that needs to be unlocked,” San traced his finger along Gaeul’s neck, moving to her collarbone. “The amount of magic you possess right now is honestly crazy. It seems you’ll have to train like a normal faerie now.”

“I’ve had enough training,” Gaeul pouted. “Everyone must be tired now-”

San kissed the pout off her lips. “You haven’t trained from the best trainer amongst us yet.”

“Oh? Who is that?”

“Who do you think?” San buried his nose in the crook of her neck, inhaling before kissing there.

“Certainly not you… right?”

Gaeul felt his lips curve into a smirk against her skin and before she could take that comment back, San was on top of her and tickling her, her laugh roaring in the room. And when she finally caught her breath and they had had enough of drinking each other's gaze, San kissed her slowly, surely, one hand craning her face to his while the other rested on her hip and caressed the skin exposed from her top. Gaeul ran her fingers through his hair, tugging at it, making his kisses grow deeper and more passionate.

All night, they lay in each other’s arms, moving to the bed at some point. San caressed parts of her skin or her hair as she told him her stories of her time in the other dimension. They would share a laugh over something funny, wipe each other’s tears when they felt overwhelmed, sometimes interrupt the other with a kiss which would escalate things for a few moments. But it was comfortable, it was safe. Finally safe in every sense possible. They didn’t even notice when daylight started filling the room, though they didn’t mind.

They had all the time in the world now.

—---------------------

“Pass me the potatoes.”

“It’s right in front of you, Yeosang.”

“Did I stutter, Wooyoung?”

“My hand is farther than yours, don’t be an ass-”

“Just admit you’re short-”

“There you go,” San groaned, making the effort to get up from his seat and lean across the table to push the potatoes in front of Yeosang who couldn’t stop laughing now. “Kids.”

“Don’t you act mature just because you have ‘someone’ now,” Wooyoung scoffed. “You used to be the one-”

“That ‘someone’, Gaeul smacked Wooyoung’s head, making everyone laugh, “Is right here.”

“Ah, she’s here again,” Wooyoung muttered and Gaeul took a seat next to him, scoffing in disbelief as she looked around the table. 

“I thought this party was in my honour. Who invited him?”

Jongho was the first one to giggle out loud at that, making the rest join as they joked about kicking Wooyoung out. Yena even opened a portal to Wooyoung’s room while Yeosang and Yunho manhandled Wooyoung as if they were about to kick him back home in the most literal sense. Gaeul shook her head at the crowd, meeting Seonghwa’s eyes and sharing a grin.

The party was arranged by Wooyoung, ironically, who wanted to celebrate one year of ‘crime-free, evil-Gaeul-free, and sappy-San’. Everyone had gathered in San’s castle thanks to Yena and Yeosang’s portals. Gaeul offered to open a portal as well but no one was brave enough to entertain the possibility of stepping in the portal and ending up in the dimension where the Panthers of Soca dwelled- the ‘Underworld’, they called it. Gaeul had to admit that even though she was getting better at portal practice, thanks to the twins who offered to teach her in their free time, she couldn’t trust herself with portals right now either.

Everyone was still helping her train her magic- since there was no urgency now and Gaeul had learned the basics in her time in the other dimension, it was slow now. It was mostly San teaching her with everything else along with magic too- defence, offence, speed, strength, agility. Dokyeom was always there to save her when she got too tired of having San as her personal trainer.

Jongho and Hongjoong, perhaps, were the ones learning the most from her. Hongjoong’s magic was probably the only thing that could combat Gaeul’s magic so he mostly trained her on how to prevent her magic and herself from becoming restless when they came in contact with his magic. Light magic could nullify the darker elements of her magic but it seemed like it couldn’t do anything against her cold fire element so often they just researched it as best as they could. Hongjoong also took it upon himself to record every characteristic of her magic for any similar cases in the present or the future and they decided they would search around the planet for anyone with similar magic so they could make a more detailed record.

Jongho ventured into the anti-nature territory of his element and the two would often spend a couple of days together every few weeks. Their magic was probably still the most similar, other than Seonghwa’s. Gaeul found herself the most comfortable with the Prince of Nature, often reminded of her past while with him. Jongho learned that the yin-yang bloodline had a different method of wielding their nature magic and while Gaeul taught him about that, Jongho taught her how to manipulate her magic so it could still resemble the properties of her original magic and each day, Gaeul found herself getting closer to having a natural characteristic to her magic as well.

With Seonghwa, it was like exploring the darkest parts of her magic. In the beginning, it had been a little awkward as they both figured out just what parts of their magic were similar in nature but a few funny incidents melted the ice, such as Seonghwa’s magic accidentally creating a dark sphere around them, rendering Gaeul blind, or Gaeul accidentally littering Seonghwa’s garden with cold fire snowflakes that started burning the ground as soon as they touched it, making them lose all rational thoughts for a good few moments as they started stomping on the ground to put the fire out, later realising they could have just waved a hand and undone the damage. Yena found them a laughing mess once they put out the fire and she wished she had been there to witness it.

With the twins, it was usually teamwork because they were still learning the limits of their dimensional magic which each other while also teaching Gaeul- she learned that she could open a portal to different worlds in the same dimension more easily than opening portals in this world like Yena did, and since it was risky business they decided to only teach her the basics and leave it at that. Yeosang helped her with the consequences of being a bridge between two worlds- often, they found their consciousness in the other world while they slept. He explained that it was essential to be aware of your bearings at all times because she could unconsciously dissociate her soul from her body and find herself in two different worlds at the same time. It was complicated, but Yeosang was probably the most patient teacher she had-

Unlike a certain someone, being Wooyoung, who didn’t even have to train her since their magic was not similar in any way, but took charge of her physical training anyway, finding any excuse to mess with her. San would often butt in and smack his friend but he soon found himself sidelined as the two grew closer so he would just watch them spar with each other and learn how to build their defence better.

Mingi and Yunho were often together while training Gaeul, and most of the time, they weren’t sure who was training who. The three would always sidetrack while training and either find themselves experimenting with something else entirely or sharing stories and talking all night. Gaeul could now make her cold fire as hot as Mingi’s fire or as cold as Yunho’s ice. She was the bridge between those elements and since their training had been the quickest to end, Gaeul still found herself visiting Mingi sometimes to learn about the history of fire magic or just to have him show her around his kingdom which she had always wanted to visit the most since she was a child.

Visiting Yunho was probably the most relaxing- mostly because of her water element. He himself was very welcoming and since his castle bordered the sea, they often spent time at the beach with the waves washing their worries away. Yunho found himself opening up more to Gaeul and she returned the sentiment. They would often exchange water-messages- Yunho told her he could send a message through water bodies to any one of them but he couldn’t get a reply, unlike Mingi’s fire message- probably due to the complexity of water which he still couldn’t figure out. Gaeul was convinced she could reply back and after many failed attempts, her first message that Yunho received was ‘San thinks that there are two butts, not one. What do you think?’ which had him hollering.

Gaeul slumped back in her seat as the rest argued among themselves and joked, still teasing Wooyoung who was arguing back loudly and she shut her eyes in amusement- some things never changed. When she opened them and looked at San, he motioned at her subtly to join her outside, sneaking out without making a sound. Gaeul was sitting right next to Wooyoung so it was a bit hard to sneak out especially when he kept involving her but with an excuse that she was going to get a drink (which was right on the table had Wooyoung actually processed what Gaeul said), she got up and exited the Great Hall-

Only to be caught by the wrist and turned around to bump into San, melting when she found herself in his arms.

“Hey, beautiful,” San grinned, tucking her hair back. “What do you say we go get some fresh air?”

“Sure,” Gaeul breathed, laughing. “I think I need it.”

“Ah, do you?” San teased and they grinned, planning to go outside but he couldn’t wait and took a turn in one of the empty corridors, pinning Gaeul against the wall and kissing her, smiling in between.

“That’s not what I meant by fresh air,” Gaeul exhaled. “But I think this works too.”

“Works better, right?” San kissed her again, drawing apart to look at her with the warmest smile on his face. “They won’t know we’ve disappeared until Wooyoung shuts up, which is probably going to take another hour-”

The sound of someone throwing up drew their attention and they burst into a fit of laughter when they spotted the said man himself, pretending to throw up at the sight of them making out while the rest finally revealed themselves, joining Wooyooung. Though it would have been embarrassing, the way they were all making fun of them made Gaeul laugh until tears glazed her eyes.

“Did you follow us right after I left?”

“You’ve learnt stealth from me, you can’t beat me at my own game, Gaeul,” Wooyoung shook his head and San gave up, sinking to the floor and burying his head in his hands.

“We should have waited until they took it a step further!” Mingi complained. “I wanted to catch them right in the middle of doing something dirty-”

“Cleanse your brain,” Yunho smacked Mingi’s head. “Besides, you didn’t even bring a camera.”

Another argument started where some pointed their fingers at the duo for having dirty minds while the rest agreed that they should have captured this moment, and Gaeul once again found herself giving up, slumping down beside San.

She had never smiled so much in her life, laughed so much. Not one moment in her life where she felt alone or like an outsider. Gaeul watched them with fond eyes as they argued, San’s own gaze settled upon her and she thought that after all that she went through, all the hardships that she had endured, that they had endured for her, this was exactly where she was meant to be. As San’s fingers brushed hers, she intertwined their fingers- something that came so naturally now. 

Everything was finally right.

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