#they still don’t have a name picked out and the nursery still isn’t finished but it’s fine

[g-girlshavingfun]

A sister’s vigil: 5 times Rachel visited her sister in hospital, and 1 time she didn’t.

1/6

Word count: 3,839

She’s known what a sister was since before she could walk. Probably. Her mother has plenty of sisters from her time at The Gallagher Academy, and Rachel will meet her own when she starts there in a couple years.

But this sister will be different.

———————————————————————

Chapter 1/6

“Is she done yet?”

Rachel didn’t really want to be here. She had just rented Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory from the video store, and her father had given her a new set of codes to crack, and her roundhouse kick still needs work. All of those options sounded more appealing than sitting in this waiting room with only her nanny, Sarah, and her thoughts, for company.

“Not yet.”

Darn it. This was taking forever. Rachel had been stuck here since Sarah picked her up from school this afternoon and she had already done all of her homework, tried all the snacks from the nearest vending machine, and finished all the puzzles in the newspapers set out on the coffee table. Now she was just bored and she didn’t want to be here.

“When will she be done?”

“Hard to say kiddo. For some women it takes hours, some take days.”

“Days!”

“I’m sure she’ll be done soon Rachel. Why don’t you go to the gift shop and find something for your new sister?”

Sister.

The word scared Rachel a little bit. Not because she didn’t know what it means, obviously she knew what it meant. She’s known what a sister was since before she could walk. Probably. Her mother has plenty of sisters from her time at The Gallagher Academy, and Rachel will meet her own when she starts there in a couple years.

But this sister will be different.

Rachel read all about genetics in a biology book she found in her mother’s office, so she knows that this sister will share 50% of her DNA. That means she’ll look a bit like Rachel, and will be clever and well behaved like Rachel, and will live in the room across the hall from Rachel’s in their parents house. Their parents. That they’ll share. Like they’ll have to share books and puzzles and tapes rented from the video store. Rachel’s good at sharing, all her teacher’s have said so. So Rachel thinks she’ll be a good sister.

But what if her sister isn’t good at being a sister?

What if she isn’t good at sharing? What if she creases all the best books and fills out the puzzles wrong and wants to rent the wrong movies? What if she takes more than half of the cookies Sarah bakes? What is she takes more than half of their parent’s already divided attention? What if she’s loud and annoying like Tristan from across the road’s sister? What if Rachel doesn’t even like her?

What if she doesn't like Rachel?

So yeah, the word sister scared her a little. But she took the money Sarah was handing her and made her way towards the gift shop she could see through the waiting room doors. Sisters probably like gifts, so if Rachel wanted her sister to like her a gift would be a good start. Plus, anything was better than just sitting there thinking about how her sister might be turn out to be an annoying, cookie stealing, puzzle ruiner who hates her.

———————————————————————

“Excuse me miss,” Rachel’s mother always expressed the need for manners, even when talking to bored teenage gift shop attendants who don’t look up from their nails when Rachel talked to her. “What do you think I should buy a baby, who might be really annoying, to make her like me?”

The teenager, Mikaela according to her name tag, still didn’t look up from filing her nails.

“Baby clothes in aisle 2, toys in aisle 3, balloons are behind you.”

“Thank you miss.”

Rachel didn’t think her sister would appreciate balloons, and the nursery at home was already filled with clothes, so Rachel headed towards aisle 3. The books caught her eye first. They weren’t very advanced, so Rachel wouldn’t even want to share them with her sister, which made them perfect until Rachel remembered that babies couldn’t read.

Why would they put books in the aisle for baby toys when babies cant read?

Mikaela probably organised the aisles.

There were wooden puzzles which looked simple enough for a baby to figure out, at least a clever baby like her sister was going to be, but on closer inspection the boxes said not suitable for children under 18 months. That was 1 and a half years. Her sister could’ve started to hate her by then. That ruled out one of those plastic Barbie dolls too. That’s fine. Rachel’s mother, their mother, didn’t like those dolls anyway so she probably would’ve frowned at Rachel until that little crease formed on her forehead if Rachel bought one for her sister. Maybe a wooden train? Her father once said trains are for boys but her mother got angry when he said that. She told Rachel that toys are toys and toys are for any child clever enough to play with them. Maybe that didn’t apply to Barbies. So her mother would probably like it if she bought her sister a train, but her father wouldn’t. What if when she finished her most recent set of codes her father didn’t giver her any more because he was upset she bought her sister a boy’s toy? Maybe it would be okay if she bought her a pink train. Except there weren’t any pink trains, or pink dinosaurs, or pink trucks, so there goes that plan.

Having a sister was hard.

Rachel was about to give up and buy one of the simpler books - at least she could read it to her sister until she was old enough to read it herself - when she spotted the row of stuffed toys.

Perfect.

Age-appropriate, good for boys and girls, and Rachel had outgrown stuffed animals so she wouldn’t have to share. Well, she had outgrown them all except Lupa the Labrador who still sleeps under her bed where her mother can’t see - toys are for children after all and Rachel isn’t a child - but she was a gift from Sarah so she doesn't count. Now Rachel just had to figure out which animal to get. Not a dog, obviously, and not a regular bear, they were boring. Rachel doesn’t like horses so that was out, and she likes cats a lot so she figured she shouldn’t risk it and buy her sister one of those. A cow didn’t feel right, but she was worried that a tiger might scare her - she was only a baby after all. That left her with a stuffed sheep.

She picked one from the back like Sarah had taught her and took it to the till to ask Mikaela’s opinion.

“Do you think this one will make sure she likes me miss?”

“Sure kid.”

“Please may I have one of those candy bars too?”

———————————————————————

“Is she done now?”

“Not yet kiddo. Now what have you got your troublesome sister?”

“She’s not going to be troublesome. She shares 50% of my DNA so she’ll be clever and well behaved and she’s going to like me cause I got her this sheep.”

Rachel held up her gift before Sarah’s eyes. It was a bit smaller than Rachel’s head, with fluffy white wool - not real wool obviously, but sheep have wool, not fur - and big brown feet. It didn’t look exactly like the sheep Rachel had seen at the petting zoo she visited with school, but it was close enough. Her sister was still only a baby, so she probably wouldn’t know the difference.

“She would’ve liked you anyway kiddo. She’s your sister and sisters love each other.”

“Even if they’re annoying?”

“Even then. Especially then in my experience, but don’t tell my sister I said that.”

The wink Sarah sent her made Rachel giggle, even if what she had said was silly because Rachel had never met Sarah’s sister. Or her brother. Rachel doubts her parents would allow them to come over to the house so she probably won’t get to meet them until she’s old enough to go to their houses. If they had houses. They’re younger than Sarah and Sarah didn’t have her own house - she lived in the upstairs bedroom when Rachel’s parents were on work trips and in the outhouse when they were’t - so maybe her sister and brother didn’t have their own houses either. Either way, Rachel hasn’t met them so she won’t be telling Sarah’s sister that Sarah called her annoying.

“Do you know that Rachel means sheep?”

What?

Rachel felt her face folding into her mother’s frown, her own forehead creasing not in disappointment but confusion, and Sarah continued in a quiet, low tone.

“Your name, Rachel? It means female sheep, or ewe, I think I read somewhere. So its a clever gift you’ve bought there, you’ll be giving your sister a little version of yourself to look after her when you’re not there. I think she’ll love it. And you.”

“When I’m not there?”

Rachel didn’t like the way her voice shook. Her father didn’t like it when she got over emotional, and her mother said she must always speak in a strong and assertive tone or no one would ever take her seriously. But she hadn’t thought about not being there for her sister.

She didn’t like not having thought of things.

“When you end up going to that fancy boarding school your mother went to? You’ll be off having a grand time learning all sorts of complicated things that I could never understand. You’ll be back for the holidays of course but I was worried you’d be leaving me alone to take care of your sister in the mean time, now I’ll have a little Rachel helping me out. So its a good gift, well done.”

Now Rachel didn’t know how to feel. She was bored of the cold, sterile walls of the waiting room. She was still scared of the word sister. Scared that her sister wouldn’t share, and she’d steal their parents and Sarah, and that they wouldn’t even like each other. She was worried that the gift she bought wasn’t good enough to make her sister like her. And she was terrified of leaving her sister, who wasn’t even born yet and who she hadn’t even met and who she might not even like, alone. Because what if while she was gone her sister took over her bedroom? And took her best books and puzzles and Lupa the Labrador. What if she made friends with Tristan from across the road and his annoying sister, and became Sarah and their mother and father’s favourite, and got to meet Sarah’s sibling before Rachel did?

What if the little sheep wasn’t enough to look after her when Rachel was gone?

“Sarah, do you thi-“

“Rachel?”

Her father was a stern looking man with a stern sounding voice. He commanded attention in every sense of the word, Rachel and Sarah’s attention in particular. His words were strong and assertive, like her voice should always be, but deep, like her voice probably wouldn’t ever be. He was tall, with broad shoulders and a solid, clean shaven jaw. Rachel’s father said that stubble signified laziness and a lack of personal hygiene. His hair was dark, darker then Rachel’s, and like her he had brown eyes. They were cold normally, constantly scanning and assessing his surroundings, looking down on those around him, but they softened when they landed on his daughter.

“Do you want to come meet your sister?”

No. I’m not ready.

“Yes please.”

That was the right answer. Rachel always knew the right answer.

She took her father’s offered hand in her left, clinging onto the stuffed sheep with her right, and wished she had a third hand to take Sarah’s with. But Sarah remained where she stood. Standing, because Rachel’s mother had told her it was polite for Sarah to stand up when her employers approached. Standing still, because even if she was the person to teach Rachel to tie her shoes, and ride a bike, and braid her own hair, she wasn’t technically family. She was staff, her father said. So she wouldn’t get to meet Rachel’s sister yet.

Rachel would have to go on her own.

———————————————————————

Rachel’s mother was the most beautiful, put together person in the world. Not like Sarah, who was pretty but wore casual clothes and usually had flour in her hair which was always falling out of her ponytail. Not like Tristan’s mother, who wasn’t very pretty, and whose face was always red from yelling and whose clothes were always wrinkled.

No. Rachel’s mother’s hair was always perfectly straight when it wasn’t in a tight bun, cut to sit gently on her shoulders with bangs that never fell in her eyes. Unlike her husband, her eyes were hazel, but like her husband’s they were calculating, and they never missed a thing. Even the things they can't see. Her clothes were always ironed, always perfectly matching, always appropriate for the office but never impinging on her athletic capabilities. She was never messy or flushed or harried or stressed. She was always perfectly put together and in control. She says she has to be, that Rachel has to be, or no one would ever take them seriously.

She doesn't look put together now.

Her hair is loose and damp. Its drying in soft, messy waves against her neck and forehead, kind of like Rachel’s does after they run track in gym. Her face is red like Tristan’s mother’s, and sweaty like Tristan’s father’s. The whites of her eyes - her sclera according to the biology book - were red as well from what Rachel could see, though they were barely open at all. She was wearing a hospital gown, which Rachel didn’t think was appropriate for the office or for chasing Russian informants, and had nothing on her feet except thin stockings.

She didn’t look like Rachel’s mother.

But then she smiled, all warm like her husband's eyes, and Rachel knew it was her.

“Over here Rachel.”

Her fathers voice drew her gaze to the corner of the room where he now stood next to a plain white crib. When had he let go of her hand?

He began reaching into the crib as Rachel’s feet moved towards him on their own accord, her heart pounding in her head and thoughts of her mother-that-wasn’t-her-mother fading from her mind. The room was quiet. Silent if not for the beating of her feet on the tiled floor, the rushing of blood in her ears, and the soft whimpers coming from the bundle of blankets in her father’s arms. They were pink, just like her father said things for girls should be.

“Oh.”

The breath left Rachel’s lips without her permission when her father bent down to show her the bundle of blankets. Except it wasn’t just a bundle of blankets. It was a tiny button nose and tiny pink lips. It was two tiny ears and tufts of dark hair. It was flushed pink cheeks and a wobbling pink chin. It was two tiny eyes screwed up in displeasure, a tiny version of their mother’s frown creasing a tiny line on a tiny forehead.

It was her sister.

“She’s so little.”

It was all Rachel could think to say. She knew babies were small of course, but her sister was tiny. She was barely bigger than the stuffed sheep Rachel was clutching to her chest and Rachel almost worried about how her sister would hold her new toy before remembering that babies don't hold things. That she’d grow up a bit before she could hold the little sheep.

“Is she? She didn’t feel that way.”

Rachel wasn’t quite sure what her mother meant by that, but her father let out a rare chuckle so it must’ve been funny. She couldn’t quite bring herself to fake a giggle though, her eyes and mind and heart still transfixed by the tiny pink thing wriggling in her fathers arms.

“Do you want to sit down and hold her?”

What!?

Rachel couldn’t do that. No way. She’d squish her, or drop her, or sneeze and accidentally throw her somehow. Her sister was far too tiny and fragile for Rachel to possibly hold.

“Yes please.”

Because that was the right answer.

She sat back in the chair next to her mother’s bed where she set down the little sheep, never once taking her eyes off the wriggling bundle of pink blankets that held her tiny pink sister. Rachel wasn’t quite sure what to do with her arms. She held them out in front of her, crossing them over at her chest with her palms up like they do in the movies. They never drop babies in the movies so this must be the right way to hold her new tiny sister.

The bundle of blankets was coming closer - not independently of course, her father must still be holding her - and Rachel’s heart was pounding again. Her breaths were coming out funny and her stomach - stomach not tummy - was starting to hurt a bit. Her sister will never like her if Rachel drops her. Or squishes her. Or sneezes and and throws her across the room somehow.

Somehow, her father read her mind. He was good at that.

“Relax Rachel. You won’t hurt her. Hold your arms like this, and make sure you support her head, there you go. Careful, she’s heavy.”

She can’t be heavy, she’s tiny.

Except she was. Heavy that is. Rachel’s arms sagged slightly under the weight of her sister as their father slowly let go and oh my God she was going to drop her. How could something, someone, be so tiny yet so heavy at the same time?

“Hi.”

The word was barely a whisper. Barely a breath. It flew unbidden out of her lips on silent wings and fled from the room just as silently. Her sister didn’t reply - babies can’t talk so of course she didn’t - but she did still in Rachel’s arms. Her chin stopped wobbling and the crease in her forehead faded. The tiny sniffles and whimpers that had concealed the room from silence followed Rachel’s voice out the room. Two tiny eyes fluttered open. They looked like glass windows on a hazy day, a little bit blue, a little bit grey, not quite focussing on anything at all. Babies eyes looked like that, Rachel knew. The biology book said that lots of babies are born with light eyes but that they darken over time. So Rachel’s sister could have blue eyes, or she could have brown eyes like Rachel and their father, or she could have hazel eyes like their mother. She could even have green eyes, but the book said they were rare. She could have any kind of eyes, just like she could be any kind of person.

Rachel hoped she wouldn’t be an annoying person.

She didn’t think she would be.

“Is this for her?”

Her father was holding up the little sheep. He didn’t complain about it being a boys toy, and a quick glance at her mother revealed a perfectly smooth forehead, so Rachel thought she might’ve chosen the right toy. Not that she’d know for sure until her sister was bigger and had decided whether she liked Rachel or not. But for now it was good enough.

Drawing her eyes back to the tiny, heavy bundle in her arms, Rachel gave only a small nod. It was all that she could give, the lack of air in her lungs stealing the words from her mouth before she even started to form them.

“We better give it to her then.”

And with that her father started lowering the little sheep onto the bundle of blankets.

It’s going to crush her.

Rachel was so worried about dropping or squishing the baby herself, so worried about the gift she got for her sister not being good enough, not being enough, that she never considered it being too much. Too big. Never considered that it would nearly outsize her sister, that it would be the thing to squish her, to break her ribs and banish the air from her tiny lungs before she was even an hour old. Her sister would never grow up to become any kind of person, to steal Rachel’s books and puzzles and bedroom, to decide whether she even liked Rachel or not, all because Rachel messed up and bought too big a gift for too tiny a baby.

Except it didn’t crush her. The tiny sheep rested gently on the bundle of blankets, rested gently on her sisters tummy, and her breathing didn’t change at all. Her ribs didn’t cave in and her lungs didn’t stop working and her tiny heart didn’t stop beating and maybe her sister wasn’t as fragile as Rachel thought. Maybe she was the strongest baby ever. Maybe that meant she would grow up to be a strong person like their parents, who was good at sharing like Rachel, who had a big heart like Sarah.

Maybe she would like Rachel.

Rachel really hoped so, since Rachel already loved her.

“Do you want to know her name?”

Yes. More than anything.

But even if her sister’s lungs were strong and filled with air, Rachel’s own were still empty. Still withholding life from the words she was desperate to say.

I love you. Even if you’re annoying. Even if you’re badly behaved and don’t share. Even if you don’t like puzzles and you steal Sarah’s cookies and you like Tristan’s annoying sister more than you like me. I love you. And I won’t ever leave you alone.

Instead she just nodded once more, trying not to blink in case she missed the next time her sister’s tiny nose crinkled up. Sarah says Rachel’s nose does that when she’d thinking too hard. Maybe her sister is already thinking hard. Rachel knew she’d be clever.

“Her name is Abigail.”

Abigail.

The name rolled softly off their mothers tongue and ticked Rachel’s ears. It was quite a long name, longer than Rachel’s by 1 letter and 1 syllable even though Rachel herself was much bigger. And it reminded her of the mean old lady who worked in the principal’s office at her school. Her name was Gail. Last time Rachel walked past the office she overheard - overheard, not eavesdropped - Gail fighting with her husband using the office phone. Apparently they were getting a divorce. Maybe she was mean to him too. Or maybe he was mean to her and that’s why she was mean to Rachel and her friends.

Abigail.

It was a nice name, but it wasn’t quite right. Wasn’t quite right for her tiny, strong, loved, baby sister. That was okay though, Rachel knew what was right for her. And with that the air returned to her lungs and a foreign weight settled on her chest. All the words in the world, at least the ones Rachel knew, returned to her throat and started clawing their way up to her mouth. Thankfully, only two made their way out.

“Hi Abby.”

———————————————————————

Authors note:

Okay so I’ve never written a fanfic before and this is the first piece of creative wrong I’ve done in like 6 years, so sorry if it’s poorly written, but I can’t get Rachel and Abby’s possible dynamic out of my head.

I’ve got a rough plan for the future instalments but don’t know when I’ll have them written. This one obviously focussed on Rachel but each instalment will introduce someone new and will obviously explore the Cameron sister’s relationship more.

My personal headcannons for a lot of these characters will be buried in this fic. Like Rachel being about a decade older, and their parents being cool, distant spies, and how that influences both sisters and their relationships differently. So buckle up for some of that if you’re interested

Shout out to @madsbrainrot1 for inspiring me to write a fic structured like this!

#gallagher girls #gallagher girls series #Gallagher girls fanfiction #Rachel Cameron #rachel morgan #abigail cameron #Abby Cameron #sisters

[loverofallthingssarah]

With arms wide open

Request: i was hoping you could write evil queen w/ pregnant wife i feel like she would be so cute in the EF and so over protective ☺️ @thestrangecollectioncycle

WARNING: none

Word count: 600+

A/N: sorry for any mistakes or typos! I also kind tweaked the idea which i hope is okay but anyway I hope you like it!! Also I know this isn’t a sarah character fic but I hope you all enjoy anyway!

Her protectiveness of the ones she loves the most was stronger than ever. She didn’t want you to lift a finger. She had everything under control and all you had to do was rest. You hated every second of that, all you wanted to do was nest, but Regina made sure she had her faintly liege handle everything. But it wasn’t for your lack of trying.

Today marked your eighth month of pregnancy, and you wanted to redo a few aspects of the baby’s nursery. Regina had just left the master suite to handle some duties, and you knew now was the perfect time to slip past all the guards without her watchful eye. As you waddle down the hallway, you rub circular motions on your swollen tummy. You felt a kick just as you passed through the doorway of the nursery.

“Yes, little flower. . This is your room!” you giggled as you made a beeline towards the baby toys. You get lost in your organization thinking about how wonderful it’s going to be to see Regina with your babygirl. You know how soft she is with you and you already know she’s going to wrapped around her tiny fingers. And before you know it, you hear a familiar tsk coming from the other side of the room. You immediately lift your arms, “I surrender,” you laugh out as your turn to face your beautiful wife.

“Very funny! What have I told you about over exerting yourself? You never listen…,” Regina babbles as you watch her adoringly. No one would have guessed the notorious Evil Queen would care for anyone quite the way she does for you. The worrisome Regina was a new character development in your ever evolving wife and you found it kind of cute.

“Baby, relax! Everything is fine. See?” you gesture at yourself, “I’m just organizing her room! And you interrupted,” Regina scoffs, “just in time. I’m finished.”

“Well, well. I must say it does look better in here, petal.” Regina says and she moves in closer to you. You feel her arms wrap around you as she pulls you in tight. You swoon as you feel her nose nuzzling against your neck, “I’ve missed you and my little princess.”

“Regina, it’s only been an hour,” you rolled your eyes playfully, “you haven’t missed much.”

The baby starts to kick again, “I see, my little princess missed me too,” Regina walks around to face you, and gets down on her knees. She places a single kiss on your tummy, “I can’t wait to meet you, pretty princess.”

“She’ll be here soon enough, Regina. Let’s not rush it!” Regina huffs, “Fine! It’s just that I want to hold her so badly. Anyway, we still haven’t picked out a name yet! I think it’s about time we picked something, don’t you?”

You nod, as you think to yourself. Regina starts spewing out horrid names and you blurt out, “Sarah?”

“Sarah? Why Sarah?” Regina asks.

“It means princess. She’s our little princess. She’ll forever be our little princess… it just seems fitting, you know?” you shyly reply.

Regina puts her hands on your belly and you both feel the baby kick, “I love you so, my little Sarah.”

Sfw taglist: @orchid-fairy @rainbow-hedgehog @twistedpoeticjustice @tissaias-lover @peggycarter-steverogers @mrsdeanhoward @citizenoftheworld-stuff-blog @commanderspeach @lanawinters-ily @lntlmate @sapphicforsarahh @talulahmae @billiedeansgirl @dreamypqulson @goodeday2u

#regina mills x reader #regina mills imagine #regina mills #lana parrilla #lana parrilla x reader #lana parrila imagine #ouat #once upon a time #wlw imagine

[snelbz]

Life As We Know It {Chapter Seven}

Summary: After the sudden deaths of Nesta’s sister and Cassian’s best friend, they gain guardianship of their nephew, Nyx.

Based on Life As We Know It (2010) and a prompt sent in by anonymous for our Nessian fanfic contest. This is a modern au.

Instead of doing a tag list for this story, we have decided to have a set posting schedule. Chapters will be posted weekly on Mondays and Thursdays. Chapters will be posted on both my and Tara’s blogs! >> @tacmc.

Life As We Know It Masterlist

Shelby’s Masterlist

Tara’s Masterlist

Nesta was out with Elain, Mor, Emerie, Amren, and Gwen for the night.

She had no idea when she’d be home.

This meant one thing and one thing only.

It was Cassian’s first night alone with Nyx.

It was no different than being home alone with Nyx during the day, which Cassian had been a handful of times thus far. However, Nyx didn’t seem to need as much during the day.

Eat, sleep, play, repeat.

At night, he needed a dinner, a bath, his bottle, to be rocked, to be put down for the night…which was something he never liked doing. A daytime nap? He didn’t mind. Sleeping for nine hours? Apparently that thought just pissed him off.

Nesta was a pro at getting him to sleep for the night. Cassian had offered once to do it and failed miserably.

“Not tonight, little man,” Cassian said to Nyx as they sat at the dinner table together. “Tonight, you’re going to bed the first time for Uncle Cassian.”

Nyx looked at Cassian and giggled.

Cassian scoffed. “Don’t mock me.”

Dinner with Cassian meant Nyx got the good shit. No puréed green beans or mashed carrots tonight. After he’d polished off a small jar of the cinnamon apples, Nyx had eaten nearly half a tube of puréed sweet potato, and Cassian was eating his own food. He took a bite of supreme pizza and pointed at him, before holding up a single finger. “After this, we’re gonna take a bath, and you aren’t going to throw water everywhere or poop in the tub, got it?”

Nyx just banged his little hand on the tray of his high chair, causing more sweet potato to fly onto himself, grinning up at Cassian.

“Then one last bottle before bed, while I read you a story,” he said, holding up a second finger. “I’m sure there will be a diaper change in there somewhere, so please go easy on me, yeah?”

Nyx played in the mess of mixed food in front of him.

“And then you go to bed, so I can watch a movie and pass out myself, and boom. Nesta can’t say anything about my parenting anymore cause I managed to keep you alive for a whole night.”

Nyx blew a raspberry at him before he started babbling.

Cassian took that as agreement.

“Perfect,” Cassian said, ruffling Nyx’s dark hair as he shoved the rest of the pizza into his mouth with his other hand.

He got up to clear his plate, and by the time he went back to Nyx’s high chair, he had managed to make orange streaks in his black hair.

Courtesy of the sweet potatoes.

With a sigh, Cassian took the tray off the high chair and unbuckled Nyx, picking him up and carrying him toward the bath.

“You first, tray second,” Cassian said.

Nyx started patting his little potato covered hands on Cassian’s cheeks, giggling at the sound it made.

Cassian cringed at the way it felt. “Thanks for that.”

He filled the bathtub up, ensuring it wasn’t too hot, like Nesta had shown him, and got Nyx out of his messy clothes and into the tub. After he’d wiped his own face clean of sweet potato, he went to work on Nyx, who had somehow managed to get it on the back of his knees.

Twenty minutes and a full change of wet, soggy clothes later for Cassian, he was sitting in Nyx’s nursery, in the rocking chair in the corner, a book open in his lap.

“This would be a book your parents bought you,” he muttered, opening the front cover. After clearing his throat, he began, “The night sky of Velaris greeted all the townspeople, letting them know it was time to go to bed.” Nyx patted the page and babbled something incoherent. Cassian nodded. “Yeah, it’s a nice picture, isn’t it?” He went on reading the story, written by a local author, no doubt, and Cassian found himself snorting at some of the sentences, but Nyx was fully engaged.

By the time he had finished the book, Nyx was leaning back against him, fully relaxed in his pajamas.

Even Cassian let out a yawn.

“You know, the Velaris starlight was important to your parents,” Cassian said, rocking Nyx back and forth. “They fell in love on Starfall. At least, that’s what Rhys always said. He was in love with your mama long before that, but she started falling for him on Starfall.” Nyx’s dark lashes began to fall, his eyelids drooping. “That’s why they named you Nyx. In Greek, Nyx means night.”

Nyx’s hand gripped Cassian’s thumb. He looked down at the sight and chuckled, quietly.

The baby looked up at him then, with those big, blue eyes, eyes that were so blue, they looked violet in the dark. That dark hair that was starting to need a trim, falling into his eyes. Cassian blinked quickly, trying to keep the sudden tears from spilling over. “You look so much like your dad,” he whispered.

Nyx just continued to watch him, pacifier in his mouth, those eyes getting sleepier with every rock of the chair.

Swallowing harshly, Cass set the book down and resituated Nyx so he was laying against his chest. He gently rubbed his back, the way he saw Nesta do when he would get fussy.

“I miss your dad,” he said, softly. “I know you do, too, you’ve known him your whole life, but—. But so have I. And after twenty-eight years he’s just…gone.”

That dark head snuggled in closer against him, one of his little hands clutching Cassian’s t-shirt.

Cassian said nothing else. If he had, he wouldn’t have gotten them out clearly.

He rocked. He rocked and he rocked and he rocked until Nyx was snoring, softly. As carefully as he could, Cassian rose and laid Nyx down in his crib.

After waiting a moment to make sure he didn’t wake up, Cassian tiptoed out of the room and across the hall to his own bedroom.

He had just laid down and unlocked his phone when he heard crying.

Tossing his phone back on his pillow, Cassian was instantly up, hurrying back across the hall. Nyx’s feet were kicking, his arms waving wildly, perfectly unhappy.

“What’s going on?” Cassian asked, picking the baby up out of the crib and cradling him against his chest. “Huh? You were sleeping so nicely.”

He continued to cry, and no amount of bouncing or patting his back was seeming to work.

“Come on, dude,” he muttered, sitting back down in the rocker. He resumed the slow back and forth motion, praying it would soothe Nyx back into peaceful sleep. “We did the bath. We did the bottle. We did the book. This is when you go to sleep.”

He kept crying and Cassian just shushed him quietly, his hand resuming the gentle rubbing he had done before. It helped, but Nyx still sniffled. “I don’t know what to do,” he admitted. “I don’t know how to do any of this. I’m still scared I’m gonna do something to fuck up and I wouldn’t just be doing it to you, it’d be to Rhys, too.”

Nyx’s wailing returned, and Cassian tried to close his eyes and take deep breaths. It wasn’t working. With everything he tried, Nyx only cried more and more and more.

“Come on, buddy,” he begged. “It’s time for bed, alright? It’s time to calm down.” Nyx let out a cry so loud that Cassian nearly jumped, which only scared Nyx, making him cry louder.

Cassian tried changing his diaper, tried getting him to take his pacifier, but nothing helped. He continued to rock, continued to pat, continued to walk Nyx around his room, but nothing worked.

Nothing.

Defeated, Cassian laid Nyx back down in his crib. “Come on, bud. Come on.”

Nyx kept crying, and Cassian rubbed his temples, trying not to join his nephew in his agony.

“Shhhhhh,” Cassian began, leaning over the crib, patting Nyx’s stomach. “It’s time for bed, Nyx. It’s time for bed. If your parents were here right now, I’m sure you’d already be asleep. Shit, if Nesta were here, you’d already be asleep.” He shook his head. “It’s me, isn’t it?”

The baby replied by continuing to cry.

He swore quietly, and hurried across the hall grabbing his phone, dialing a number he’d unknowingly memorized. She answered on the second ring.

“Is everything okay?”

He couldn’t hear music and laughter in the background of the call, but heard how panicked her voice was. She must have stepped away from her friends. It only made him feel that much worse.

“I can’t get him to stop crying and go to sleep,” he admitted. “I don’t know what else to try.”

“You gave him his bottle?” She asked, and he nodded. Then audibly answered her. After that, she ticked off the checklist of things she usually went through. Every single one he’d already tried.

“It’s like it’s just me,” he said, trying to calm him down while he held the phone to his ear. He scooped him up into his arms and sat down in the rocking chair. “He hates me and won’t go to sleep.”

She was quiet for a minute. “You know that’s not true, Cassian. He loves you.”

“I don’t know what I’m doing,” he said, quietly, low enough that he wasn’t sure if the receiver could pick it up over Nyx’s wailing.

But it didn’t matter, because he heard footsteps hurrying up the stairs.

When Nesta rounded the corner, she wasn’t expecting to find Cassian looking defeated in the rocking chair. She pretended not to see the tears on his handsome face as she dropped her purse by the door of the nursery and took Nyx. She began to soothe him and tried to give him back his pacifier, but he wouldn’t take it.

“He’s cutting a new tooth,” Nesta said, carefully looking into his mouth, wide open thanks to a drawn out sob. “That’s all. He’s just uncomfortable, isn’t he?”

By the end of the sentence she was looking at Nyx, an over-exaggerated frown on her face.

She handed him back to Cassian and was downstairs and back with cooling, teething toy she’d pulled out of the freezer. He began to chew and gnaw on it the moment she handed it to him.

The crying quieted.

“There,” she said, smoothing his dark hair back from his forehead. “Better, yeah?”

Taking him from Cassian who hadn’t said a word since she walked in, she put him back into his crib and gently rubbed his belly. Within minutes, he was asleep again.

He murmured, “Thanks. You…didn’t have to end your night early for me.” He gestured toward the front door. “You can head back out. I can— I can handle it now.”

She shook her head. “I was on the way home. Turns out I wasn’t really in the going out mood.”

Cassian nodded, and said no more. He simply watched Nyx, his chest rising and falling. Nesta gave him a curt nod and walked out, back into the hall.

Cassian followed, shutting the nursery door quietly behind him.

“You did that so effortlessly.”

Nesta stopped and turned to face him near her bedroom, a brow raised. “Effortlessly?”

“I’ve been struggling for hours and you came in, and less than five minutes… He was out.” Cassian shook his head. “I’ve known him since the day he was born and I had no idea what he wanted.”

“He’s a baby, Cassian. He doesn’t even know what he wanted.”

“You knew,” he said, exasperated, exhausted.

She blinked, not expecting the tone of his voice to have sounded so…empty.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Nesta said, looking at him, willing him to meet her eyes. He didn’t look up.

“It’s not okay,” he said, and suddenly his words were sharp. “Rhys trusted me to take care of him but I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing.”

She shook her head. “They trusted us, but they knew it wouldn’t be easy. We knew it wouldn’t be easy. We just have to take it day by day and-.”

“It’s not okay!” His words weren’t loud but they were panicked. “I have to provide for him and I can’t fucking do it if I don’t know what he needs.”

“Cassian-.”

“Why would they choose me?” He asked, his voice quiet. Tears filled his eyes. He hated himself for it. “I never even wanted kids! I have no idea what to do with a kid, Nesta. I don’t know what parents are supposed to do, what dads are supposed to do, I didn’t even fucking have one.”

Nesta remained quiet, afraid to speak, afraid to move. She had never seen Cassian like this.

She didn’t think anyone had ever seen Cassian like this.

“I don’t know what to do, I don’t know how to do this,” he repeated. “I can’t— I can’t do this.”

She knew her words would mean nothing, reassuring him that he wasn’t alone in this, that they would figure it out together. It wouldn’t help him, wouldn’t ease his mind or his heart. That heart that was still broken from the loss of his best friend, his brother. So she did something she never thought she’d do.

She closed the space between them and wrapped her arms around him.

Cassian didn’t move for a moment, he just let her slim arms wrap around his waist, not realizing that he was on the brink of losing it. He was fairly sure that right now, she was the only thing holding him together, both mentally and physically. But after a long minute, his own arms wrapped around her shoulder and he buried his face into the top of her hair. He didn’t care that his tears were soaking her hair, didn’t care that this was the woman he’d spent the past five years hating and avoiding like she was the damn plague.

He didn’t care that he was falling to pieces.

Standing in that hallway, with Nyx sleeping behind the closed bedroom door, Cassian wept, and he didn’t care who saw it.

#life as we know it #snacmc lawki #lawki #nessian #nesta archeron #cassian #acotar #acomaf #acowar #acofas #acosf

[whumpersdump]

Project Rebirth - CH4: Final Touches

Content! From Whumper’s POV. (They’ll get a title soon btw, I just haven’t decided on a name yet).

[ Previous ] -- [ Masterlist ]

TW: (None of these are graphic) Restraints / blink-and-you-miss it use of  “it” as a pronoun / dehuminization / non-con surgery (non-graphic, whumpee isn’t awake) / lab whump / pet whump / sedation / sensory deprivation (not from Whumpee’s POV) / brain-fiddling? (he talks of an implant that restricts basically everything from speaking to moving. It’s mentioned, not shown)

Everything is set for the first practical stage of Project Rebirth to begin. All that is need is some final surgical attention, and a last talk to Whumper’s new investors. Also no editing we die like Toby’s previous owner...

Whumper sat next to Subject One, like he had every moment of spare time in the past five days. The last two, they barely twitched a muscle. Of course this was in part because of the starvation, but it was nice to have achieved nonetheless. Even if would wear of. Their body may be still, but the occasional twitch, hitch of a breath, told him their mind was racing.

He already picked out a name for them. Their masterpiece, even if it would take nine months before he would see their frantic eyes again. Everything was prepared. Their nursery—which was a rather misleading name, but it fit the process, and the marketing—was almost done, the housing facility would be complete in three months.

Subject One was the only one who really needed to be in the container for the sake of the time that it would give Whumper, but the aspect fit the aesthetic his investors expected. It would be what kept the program running for decades to come.

Subject One shuddered. They’d gotten the message. He’d chosen one of his newly acquired sponsors to deliver it through the earpieces. Not because it needed to be. He could just as easily move, then sedate the subject. Make the chaos in their mind spike just before they’d awake in ominous calm. Comforting calm, though it would take a while for the subject to feel about in that way. They had nine months, it would be enough.

The sponsors needed to feel special anyway. Some of them could make perfect pets, the way they seemed to crave special attention. He could try it someday. With this Project, even they could be reborn.

He nodded at Toby. “Bring them to the surgeon. It’s time for stage 3.”

Toby exited the corner he’d been standing in for the past day. It was a test, to see how obedient he really was. So far, Whumper had been pleased. Sure, seeing pets shiver at the thought of accidentally moving a muscle without permission could be rewarding, but it didn’t bring the type of productivity he needed. Toby’s compliant personality, in combination with Whumper’s training, did.

Toby reached for the subject’s shoulder like he always did.

“Not anymore, Toby,” Whumper commanded. “No more touching of any kind. You can move them, tube and all.”

Toby obeyed. With precision, he took the hand truck out of place and rolled it over to the doors that opened to the medical wing. Subject One would feel this, but it wasn’t enough to skew the results. If anything, it could amplify the result he was looking for.

He followed behind Toby, but entered the door to the watching room instead of the OR like Toby did. That’s where his funding was waiting. He hated having to care about it, but money was simply necessary for him to scale up the Project. “Thank you for coming back,” he told the seven investors waiting for him. “As I’ve said before, most of the program is completely tailored to your pet and the pet you wish they become. That means, no program looks or feels the same. This part though, they all have in common.”

He guided their gazes down to the OR—where the surgeon had sedated the subject—and begun the procedure. Toby watched from his corner, as Whumper had told him to. This would be the only time he was allowed this close to a subject before Rebirth, so Whumper made sure he knew as much as possible. The pet didn’t lie. He used to, but his previous owner trained it out of him.

If he were to fulfill any purpose at all in the future, he would have to learn to. Knowing about the stages before meeting the Reborn subjects was a good way to teach them. After all, he’d be the one to truly push the subject’s minds over the edge.

The investors patiently waited for Whumper to explain what was happening. “The implant all subjects receive is what makes this project so realistic. Like a newborn child, they have to learn everything. Eating, speaking, resisting, if you want them to. All in an effort to recreate them into the pet they were always meant to be. Now of course, some of them have skills we do want them to keep. Take Toby down there, he’s a master on the piano. For each pet, the implant’s functions can be customized.”

One of the investors raised her hand. “What are your plans for this one then?” she asked. “Does it have anything worth keeping?”

Whumper smiled. “In a less dire situation, we might have chosen to keep certain parts of them, but as you’ve noticed this is not the average pet we’re talking about. They will be reborn a blank slate. The only thing any pets are allowed to keep is their understanding of language—so they can obey commands, and their ability form minimal amounts of coherent thought and memory. We’ve found that this process works best if to some extent, the pets are aware of the changes. A risk, I know, especially with this one, but it will prove efficient.”

He straightened his tie. “This one in particular has quite the mouth, and they tend to use a bit too much of what they hear against their trainers. For that reason, we’ve limited their access to their vocabulary a bit more than usual. They’ll be able to understand simple sentences, but we won’t have to worry about their natural perceptiveness.”

“What’s he doing to their eyes?” a second investor asked.

Whumper’s heart fluttered. He’d hoped they’d ask. “Those, are highly sophisticated remote-controlled lenses.” They weren’t necessary, they function was mostly aesthetical from the subject’s perspective. They helped make it all a bit more realistic on both sides, though.

“They don’t have to be removed, ever. Which is why we’re putting them in so early. They control the subject’s ability to see color, and light. Like them implant, we can control them from behind the scenes. They aren’t vital, but they smooth out the transition from the Rebirth into the following stages of the program.”

He glanced down into the OR, where the surgeon was finishing up, and the other staff had begun to prepare the subject for stage 4’s container. “I’m afraid that I can’t show you anymore at this point, so my staff can take on this challenge with as little distraction as possible. However I’m happy to answer as many of your questions as I can.”

Several hands shot up. Whumper smiled.

“What are they doing?” Was the first question.

Whumper gazed down. Four people were removing the restraints and the jacket, and outfitted the subject in the thin white suit that would help keep them healthy and alive throughout the following stage.

They connected the dozens of tubes and wires that would take care of everything they couldn’t handle from outside the container, as he called it. “I’m afraid this is another one of those trade secrets, but what I can tell you is that in spite of how it looks, this will make the pre-Birth stage as realistic as it can be.”

“What about these nurseries that your people kept going on about. I’m sure they’re important, but it all sounds a bit too… human for my taste. I prefer my pets are used to the necessary restraints and housing conditions, so to speak.”

Whumper nodded. He wasn’t surprised to hear this investor thought his standard approach too kind. She’d demanded her pets were kept muzzled and bound at the facility’s daycare, even though they were among the most compliant creatures he’d ever seen.

“As I said,” he answered. “Everything can be customized. This subject I believe, will gain more from approach that teaches them that as a placeable pet, they will be cared for as long they don’t resist. Should you trust us with your pets though, if we decide after the evaluation that another approach may achieve the desired results more efficiently, we’re prepared. We have nurseries of all kinds, and our staff is prepared to fulfill any role they need to play.”

That seemed to please them. Whumper turned to the last question.

“How long does this program take?”

“We have multiple options. The standard program Subject One will go through can take up to sixteen years starting at the Rebirth, with a minimum time of three years. Now of course, that is a long time for a pet to be away. We have two accelerated programs that last either a few months, or even just a few weeks. You’re free to choose, but after the evaluation we will provide you with a suggestion. Not all pets need the full experience. Especially if they’re not old enough to be placed, a longer program can harm the natural development.”

A frown formed on a few faces.

“I can see you’re worried about the results I’ve promised you. You won’t have to wait long. The program may be an intense procedure, but the results will start to show after just a few weeks. The rest of the Project is about making them last, so these—” He dangled the subject’s bright red collar in front of them— “will soon be no more than a reminder of what I’ve solved.”

Whumper clasped his hands. The subject was moved out of the OR, into the container hall. “I must go now. My assistant will be up shortly to escort you out. I should mention Toby’s not allowed to be too talkative around strangers, but he’s still learning. If he breaks any rules, please contact me. He doesn’t respond well to strangers punishing him, he’s a bit too loyal for that.”

Taglist (asks are open if you wanna be added or removed): @suspicious-whumping-egg

#whump #pet whump #non-con surgery tw #lab whump #Project Rebirth #Toby is next up #After that the 'creepy whumper' aspect is really going to start rolling #Also I should mention that 'pets' aren't just used as pets in this universe #Toby for example is a genuine lab assistant. Whumper doesn't care about pet beds and the like #There is a power dynamic and he longs to keep it in place. Period. #Doesn't mean he won't play the part though

[watchyourbluesturngolden]

our little jellybean

word count: 2.5k

warnings: labor/childbirth, nothing graphic at all, just lots of mentions of pain and contractions and being in the hospital. excessive use of the word “smiled” because I was smiling a lot when I was writing this because dad!harry is literally so cute :)

It had all started very quickly. One minute you were reaching to grab some sheets for the crib, and the next you were gasping and staring at the floor.

"Harry!" You called out for your husband, a little bit in shock. 

"Are you ok?" Harry yelled, his footsteps pounding up the stairs. 

He rushed over to your side, eyes wide as he asked again.

"What? What is it?" 

"I think..." You looked up, face just as shocked as his was. "I think my water just broke." 

Harry's face went through about 10 emotions faster than you could even register them. He grinned, which was quickly replaced by a look of panic, which turned into a smile, which then bounced right back to panicked. 

"It's- you- are you... really?" He could barely even get a full word out. 

"I think so? Yeah, yeah, definitely." You couldn't help but laugh at the shocked look on his face before he bolted back down the stairs. You looked over the banister, confused. "Where are you going?" 

You saw his grab his phone, typing furiously before he held it up to his ear.

  "Yes, hi, my wife's water just broke!" Harry practically yelled into the phone.

  He did not just call 911, you thought. 

"Ok, ok, I'll tell her, thank you," Harry rushed out, looking back up at you from the main floor. 

"The doctor said to wait until the contractions are 6 minutes apart," He said, panic still evident in his voice. 

"I know, Harry, I could have told you that," You said. "Why did you feel the need to call the doctor? And why are you down there when I'm up here?" 

"Right, right, don't abandon your wife when she's about to have your baby!" 

He took the stairs two at a time, pulling you into his arms. 

"I can't believe you're about to have my baby," He said, beaming. Then his face went back to terrified. 

"But wait, it's too early! It wasn't due for another two weeks! We don't even have a car seat, I was going to get one tomorrow!" 

"It will be fine, two weeks isn't even that early. Babies are born way earlier than this little jellybean all the time and they're just fine. And it's my first baby, so I'll probably be in labor for a while. My contractions haven't even started yet, so we have plenty of time to buy a car seat," You said, trying to calm him. 

"Right, we can just go get one right now," Harry said. "How are you so calm right now? Why am I the only one freaking out??" 

You laughed. "Do you forget that I'm a nurse? In a labor and delivery unit? Harry, this is literally my job." 

"Right, yes, I did forget," he smiled sheepishly. "But I'm allowed to forget things, because we're about to meet our little jellybean!" 

His smile was contagious, and you couldn't help grin with him as he pressed his hands to your stomach. 

"Did you feel that?" He gasped as the baby kicked. 

"I did, Harry, it came from inside me," You said, laughing. 

"What are we going to name her?" He wondered, ignoring your words. "Personally, I like jellybean, but I think she might get bullied." 

You laughed, pulling away to look at him. "You're right, we do need to pick something. We don't have to decide right now, but we should probably narrow it down a little." 

"I think Brooke is my favorite from the list," He said, forehead furrowing thoughtfully. "But I also like Amelia." 

"I'm really glad you agreed on Grey's Anatomy names, because that might have been a deal breaker," You said, donning a very serious face. 

He laughed, shaking his head. "What about you? You do get a say, being the baby's mother and all." 

"I'm kind of on the fence between Cristina and Amelia. I like both but I don't want people shortening her name, I don't like Crissy or Amy or something weird like that." 

"Hmm, you're very picky," He observed. 

You pushed his shoulder, smiling. 

"I'm allowed to be picky, it's a child I carried for nine whole months. So it's between Amelia, Brooke, and Cristina. I kind of think we won't know until we see her, you know? Like, we'll look at her, and say "she looks like a Brooke" or whatever." 

Harry smiled, pecking a quick kiss to your cheek. "Sounds like a plan. Now, we really should go get that car seat." 

You had been browsing for nearly an hour, Harry managing to find something wrong with every single option. You found it incredibly amusing that he was the one being picky about all of this. He had been the same with the crib, the dresser, the onesies, the bottles, even the pacifiers. You let him have his way, though. Every time you not-so-politely suggested he just "pick one, for the love of all that is holy" he would turn his puppy eyes on you, saying how he just "wanted everything to be perfect for our little jellybean." How could you say no to that? 

"This one?" You pointed to one of the last car seats in the row. "It looks good, and it's a good brand." 

"Hmm... no. I don't like the color palette."  

"Harry," You said, trying very hard to keep the exasperation out of your voice. "Darling. Sweetheart. My wonderful husband. Please, I am begging you, just pick one. I know you want everything to be perfect, but all of these are good-" You stopped in the middle of your sentence. 

Harry's eyes snapped up from the box he had been inspecting, looking at you with great concern. 

"What happened?" 

"Uh, just, that was a contraction, I think," You said, a rush of nerves washing over you. "Yeah, a contraction. It's... it's starting, but, like, for real," You managed to get the words out. 

"Ok, time to go to the hospital! Let's go meet our baby!!" Harry could hardly contain his excitement. 

"No, Harry, it's not. I'm sorry, but we're waiting until they're 6 minutes apart, just like the doctor said."

"But-" 

"Harry, if we go now, they're just going to send us home until I'm further along. Let's just go home and finish up everything we can, and please just pick a car seat." 

Harry hesitated for less than a second before grabbing one of the boxes he hadn't completely hated. You smirked as you exited the store.

"Maybe I should go into labor more often. I've never seen you make a decision so fast." 

He squinted suspiciously at you.

"Did you actually feel something, or did you just pretend to get me out of there faster?" 

You laughed, rolling your eyes. 

"I did, seriously. This time, at least. I make no promises about next time."

  You had three more contractions in the time it took to drive home and put the finishing touches on the nursery. Harry timed each one precisely, down to the millisecond. 

"Harry, it's really more of a minute thing, you don't have to be that exact," You said, laughing at the concentration on his face. 

"No, I do, because the second you're at six minutes apart, we are going straight to the hospital," He said, still intensely focused on the stopwatch on his phone. "18 minutes, 32 seconds, and 51 milliseconds." 

"Alright then. Why don't we watch a Christmas movie? It'll help the time pass faster," You promised. 

The pain came more and more frequently as the movie played. You tried to mask your face, but Harry could tell each time a new contraction started. He insisted you squeeze his hand every time, watching your face intently.

  By the end of the movie, you had to admit it was getting pretty bad. 

"Harry- I think -ow- I think it's time to go," You said through a particularly nasty contraction.

"Really? For real?" He said, jumping up from the couch. 

"Yes, for real. Let me get my bag-" 

"No, no, I'll get it, you just wait here and I'll be right back!" He said, bounding up the stairs. 

When he came back down, he was wearing the biggest grin you'd seen since you told him you were expecting. 

"I'm so excited to meet our little jellybean!!!" He smiled, hugging you tightly. 

"Me too, Harry, but we have to get to the hospital first," You reminded him. 

"Let's go!!!" He was practically bouncing on his feet as he led you out to the car.

He loaded your bags into the back, next to the car seat he had so carefully installed. 

By the time you were pulling up to the hospital, the pain was almost unbearable. Harry parked in a spot he definitely wasn't supposed to park in, jumping out and running to get a wheelchair. A nurse greeted you at the door, wheeling you inside while Harry sped away to find a parking space. 

"He's an eager one, isn't he?" The nurse laughed. 

"I think he's more excited than I am," you joked. "He's been like a kid all day, asking every five minutes if it's time to meet our little jellybean yet." 

"Well, that's good! Not all fathers are so loving and supportive of their wives." 

"Yeah, I got pretty lucky with him," You smiled. 

"You certainly did," She said, wheeling you into a room just as another contraction hit. 

You clenched your fists, really wishing you had Harry's hand to hold. 

Just in time, he ran into your room carrying your bags. He dropped them by the bed, helping you up from the chair.

"Did- Did you run all the way up here?" You asked, squeezing his hand. 

"Sprinted, actually," He panted. "Did I miss anything?" 

"Oh, no, I've been having a lovely time," you said sarcastically. Then you felt bad for snapping at him. "I'm sorry, that was mean. Thank you for being so supportive."

"You're allowed to be mean to me today, you get a free pass," He laughed.

  "You're going to regret saying that when my next con-" Your words were cut off with a gasp when the pain stabbed through you again. 

"It's ok, it's ok, squeeze my hand, that's it, just like that," He soothed.

  "I don't want to -ow- I don't want to hurt you!" 

"You can hold on as tight as you need, I promise you won't hurt me, love," He said, brushing your hair out of your face. 

"Another thing you're going to regret saying!" you yelled, grasping him as tight as you could. 

As soon as the pain eased, you let go of his hand. "Sorry, sorry, I'm so sorry, are you ok?"  

"Stop worrying about me, I'm not the one having a baby right now! You're not hurting me, and even if you were, I wouldn't say anything because the only thing that matters right now is you and our little bean in there." He leaned towards you, pressing his lips to your belly. "By the way, how are you doing in there, little bean?"  He paused before smiling up at you. “She says she’s doing just fine, and she’s very excited to meet us.”

Your labor continued like this for a few more hours, with you constantly apologizing and him constantly telling you it was fine. 

Your pain only got worse as the hours went on. Eventually, you stopped caring what you said to Harry, instead opting to blurt out whatever came to your mind. You figured it was ok. He had given you a free pass, after all. 

"I hate you so much, you did this to me!" You cried, still not letting go of his hand.

  "I know, I know, I'm sorry, it's my fault," He soothed, handing you a cup of ice chips. 

"I'm sorry again, I don't really hate you, I just-" you cried out again. "Nevermind, I actually really, really do hate you!" 

"I know, but you're doing so well, love, and soon we'll get to see our baby girl. Just keep thinking of her, our precious little jellybean," He said, wiping a tear from your face. 

A midwife came in, explaining that she just needs to examine you quickly. Then she looked up at you, smiling. "It looks like it's time to push. Are you ready to meet your baby?" 

You looked into Harry's eyes, breaking into a smile. 

"We finally get to see our bean."

  It was official. You had never seen anything more precious. You looked down at the tiny pink bundle in your arms, and you smiled so hard it hurt. 

Harry was sitting on the bed next to you, arm around your shoulder. 

"So... do you still hate me?"  

You rolled your eyes, smacking his arm. 

"Just a little bit. My vagina really hurts." 

He laughed, reaching over to stroke the baby's cheek.  "Yeah, that's my bad." He said, smiling. "She's just... so amazing," He beamed. "I'm already in love." 

"Me too," You giggled. 

"Look! She grabbed my finger!" He whispered excitedly. 

"Looks like she loves you just as much," You said, smiling. 

"I know,” He said admiringly. “Now that she's actually here, we should really pick a name," He said, not taking his eyes off her face.

"Yes, right, we have to-" You gasped when she opened her tiny eyes and looked up at you. "Harry! She has your eyes!" 

"Oh, she does, and she's just so adorable," He cooed, beaming. "Wait, no, I keep getting distracted by how cute she is. The name. I don't think she looks like a Cristina. Sorry, but... I think she looks like a Brooke."

"Well, of course you want to go with Brooke, that's the name you already picked."

  "Hey hey, I said I liked Brooke AND Amelia. Since I vetoed Cristina, I... will make the ultimate sacrifice and let you pick from those two." He said, very dramatically. 

"That's very kind of you," You said, smiling. "But... actually..." 

"What is it, love?" 

"Well- I don't know if you... I thought, maybe..." 

"Y/N, what is it? It's fine if you want to pick something different, but just know I'll always hold it over your head how ironic this is, how you got mad at me for being indecisive about car seats and yet here we are-" 

"What if we call her Stevie?" You rushed out, blushing when he stopped abruptly.

For the millionth time today, his smile seemed to light up the entire room. 

"You want to call her Stevie? As in- really?" 

"I mean- only if you're ok with it- if you don't like it we can go back to Brooke-" 

He cut you off, pressing a sweet kiss to your lips. 

"I would love to call her Stevie,” He said, grinning as he pulled away.

"Ok, good," You said, sighing in relief. "Because that would have been really awkward if you said no." 

He laughed, hugging you closer. 

"I have to call Stevie- not the baby, but the other- you know who I mean- she's going to be so excited," He said, smiling. "But maybe not right now- I just need a few more minutes to look at her." 

You beamed, resting your head on his shoulder.

#Harry Styles #harry styles/reader #harry styles/you #harry styles/reader fanfiction #fanfiction #fluff #baby #babies #pregnancy #dad!harry #stevie fics #harry styles x you #harry styles x reader #harry styles x you fanfiction #harry styles x reader fanfiction #harry styles/you fanfiction

[bored-mumma]

Rough Patch - Part Two

Read part one here MASTERLIST

TITLE: Rough patch CHAPTER NO/ONE SHOT: Chapter 2 WORD COUNT: 1496 ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Read here - made by @theartofimagining13​ NOTES/WARNINGS: I got requested a couple of times for a part two. You know I can’t say no to you guys. Some swearing. Mentions of blood and pain (labour) Also I don’t know how hospitals work everywhere else, this is a British Hospital haha so don’t complain if it isn’t accurate for you :)

You held in your tears as once again, your call went straight to voicemail. It had been a week now since you and Tom had decided to take a break from each other and you missed him terribly. So today, you decided to take the step and try to call - but he hasn’t picked up any or answered a single message. You were struggling to not take it personally.

Standing from the sofa, you went to the kitchen trying to make some dinner but when you stood, a sharp pain went across from your belly button to the centre of your back. “Are you ok?” Your friend asked, hearing you take a sharp breath in pain and walking into the room. You stayed at your mums' for a few days but decided to stay at your friends instead of as it was only around the corner from the hospital and you just felt a little more at home here. Straightening up, you smiled.

“Yeah, I’m good. Just hungry.” You gently rubbed the bottom of your stomach as you walked towards the kitchen. Taking a deep breath, you poured a glass of water and got some snacks from the cupboard.

“Has he answered you yet?” Your friend asked. Shaking your head, you took a bite from your food but once again, a sharp pain shot across the side of your stomach and your back. “Ok, something is wrong, what is it?” Your friend sat beside you, taking your glass of water from you as you tried to compose yourself a little. “Are you having contractions?”

“No!” You said too quickly. “Not possible. My water hasn’t broken. I haven’t lost my plug yet. It’s probably just false labour.” You said, not sure if you were trying to convince her or yourself. 

For the next thirty minutes, your friend timed between each one of your pains.

“Yep, we’re going to the hospital. 6 minutes between.” She said sternly, grabbing your coat and ushering you to the door.

“No! I can’t be in labour don’t be ridiculous.” You said, but your friend was already rushing you out.

-------------

Walking through the front door, Tom sat on the sofa and sighed. Pulling his phone from his pocket, he saw a couple of text's from you and a few missed calls but before he had the chance to even debate calling you back, the phone rang again. Your name appeared across the top and Tom's heart sank.

It’s not that he didn’t want to talk to you. He desperately wanted to! But he didn’t know how to. He wanted to apologise for everything he put you through and to try and make things better but where would he even begin? The thought of calling you crossed his mind so many times but he was terrified you would reject him. What if he called and you two argued again? Your marriage would surely be over. Taking a deep breath, Tom hung up on you.

Dragging his hands down his face, Tom thought what his next move could be. He had been at work for the past twelve hours and was so tired that he was worried if he called you back, he might snap. He always knew he had a temper when he was tired and it was usually misdirected at you. Tom was contemplating his options when your name appeared on his phone again. Hesitatingly, he answered.

“Where the fuck have you been?” You yelled down the phone before Tom even got the chance to say hello. “Three hours I’ve been trying to call you!”

“I was working, is everything ok?” Tom asked softly, trying to calm you down a little.

“I’m at the hospital-”

“What? Why? Is everything ok?” Tom sounded more panicked at every question. He was already pulling on his coat and looking for his car keys.

“Why do you think! I’m in labour! Only three centimetres but wouldn’t it be great for my God damn husband to be here with me whilst I’m in the worst pain of my life!” You said. Tom was about to reply but you started to have another contraction. He heard you swearing and your best friend trying to remind you to breath. “Please just get down here.” You hung up.

Tom got picked up by two speed cameras on the way to the hospital but that was the last thing on his mind. How could he be so selfish? He should have called you the moment he saw your name on his phone but his pride was taking over his brain. Now his baby is going to be born and he’s not even going to be there! He won’t be able to hold your hand, tell you it will all be ok. He won’t be there to coach you through your contractions or to cut the cord when your precious daughter is born. He’ll miss it all!

Arriving at the hospital, Tom leapt for the car and sprinted to the front desk. Finding out your room number, he tapped his foot impatiently as he waited for the lift, hoping to God that he wasn’t too late.

“I’m here!” He panted, running into your room. You were halfway through another contraction and Tom wasted no time in grabbing your hand, allowing you to squeeze it until it bruised as he tried to push some hair from your face. There were a few nurses checking you down below and Tom waited for them to say something.

“Ok, ten centimetres.” One said. “Time to push.”

“Fucking finally.” You panted.

-------------------

Tom couldn’t help the joyful tears that were running down his face as he held his baby in his hands. How could he be so lucky? He was holding his daughter as you tried to catch some sleep. Nurses had to wake you up every hour to do checks on you so the little sleep you could get, Tom was more than happy to let you have.

“Hello, baby,” Tom whispered down to his daughter as he gently rocked her in his arms. She was currently sleeping too. It was ten in the morning and Tom was absolutely shattered, but he refused to put her down so he could get some sleep too. He never wants to put her down. As he stared down at her, you started to shift.

“What time is it?” You said, a little groggy from just waking up. Tom told you and leant forward so he could take your hand. “Sorry for shouting at you during labour.” You laughed a little.

“It’s ok, I deserved it a little.” Tom chuckled too but lowered his voice when your daughter started to stir slightly. “I’m sorry for not answering you.” When you didn’t reply, Tom continued. “I’ve been so tired lately and you know how I get. I’m moody all the time and I take it out on you-”

“Please stop making excuses.” You muttered, reaching out for your daughter so she could feed. Tom stood and handed her over, helping you set up as it was all brand new. Once she was settled, he took one of your hands. “I’m going back to my mums when they dismiss me.” You said, purposely avoiding Toms eye line. “She can help me with the baby. She has another spare room too for a nursery." Tom furrowed his eyebrows, frowning down at you.

"You're not coming home?" He asked faintly. More of a statement than a question. You shook your head, still not meeting his eyes. "Why? I finished the nursery. Got a new cot, new carpet, I even got some of those bunny pictures you wanted." Tom grasped your hand a little tighter as if that would stop you from leaving. You didn't reply though, but he saw little droplets leave your eyes as you silently fed your daughter. Leaning over, Tom wiped them away. "We can work through this. Try couples counselling maybe... I've got my paternity leave now for a month, we can start straight away." Tom pleaded, his voice calm but full of desperation.

"You would really try couples counselling?" You asked, finally looking up to him. He nodded, a faint smile on his lips as he looked down at the two most important woman in his life. "I want to come home." Your voice cracked a little as you leant into Toms touch. He was still leaning over your hospital bed, one hand stroking your cheek, the other on your hand. "I missed you... I miss our bed." Tom chuckled.

"So you'll come home?" You didn't reply for a few seconds as you thought.

"If you promise we'll work on this, then yeah." You smiled at Tom. He grinned, leaning down and brushing his lips against yours. "I love you."

"I love you two." He replied. "I love both my girls." He said, leaning down and kissing your daughter on the top of her head.

#tom hiddleston #imagine tom hiddleston #tom hiddleston x reader #tom hiddleston angst #tom hiddleston pregnancy #rough patch #rough patch part two #tom hiddleston imagines #tom hilddleston father

[hockeyisit]

All I can think about is Amelia taking the twins to their first game and how much it would mean to Auston to see them in their little 34 jerseys.

Summary: Amelia takes Kai and Noah to the game.

A.N: Hope you guys like it! Let me know what you think and if you have any questions. Remember all of my pieces connect to each other so if you pay attention deeply you might notice some things 😉

Word Count: 3,941

Masterlist

“Shh baby,” I coed as I rocked back and forth holding a whining Noah. Auston had left earlier this morning for practice so it was just me and the babies for now. The season was just getting started and Auston had been really stressed with practicing and helping take care of the babies. Auston and I had gotten lucky because we had the boys back in April so we had the summer to get used to them. They were almost seven months old and it was so hard to believe. Now that we had made it back to Toronto and things were in full swing we were both stressed.

“I know baby,” I told him as I made my way out of the room so Noah couldn't wake up Kai. I had put them down for a nap the minute Auston had left for practice. I was hoping that I could bring them to the home opener tonight and surprise Auston. Because they were born in April and the season was close to the end I wasn’t able to bring them out to a game. I knew that Auston really wanted them to come tonight but I had told him I wasn't sure they were ready for the loudness that would come with the Toronto Maple Leafs arena. Auston had acted like he understood but he was definitely pouting when he left earlier.

I made my way into our bedroom and sat down on the bed as I kept rocking Noah. He had grown so much over the summer and I couldn-’t believe how much he resembled Auston and I. He was absolutely breathtaking just like baby Kai.

“Hi baby, are you hungry?” I asked when his cries kept getting louder. I pulled my shirt over so that he could latch on. His cries immediately stopped as he started feeding. I let out a soft laugh as I took in his relaxed face. I pulled my phone off to confirm my plans with Steph. We had agreed to get tickets to the front row, I was so excited to surprise Auston.

Once Noah was finished I stood up and made my way back into their bedroom. Kai was still sleeping peacefully but I knew that wouldn't last much longer. I set Noah down next to him and stared down at my two beautiful babies. Then I turned around and made my way out of their room. I heard my phone start ringing and I quickly ran for it so it wouldn't wake up the boys.

“Hello?” I breathed out.

“I catch you at a bad time?” Auston teased as he responded to me. I let out a light laugh as I shook my head.

“The boys are napping. I didn’t want my phone to wake them up,” I told him softly. He hummed in agreeance.

“Some of the guys want me to go get lunch,” Auston mumbled into the phone. Auston had been blowing his teammates off a lot lately to help me with taking care of the boys.

“You should go,” I said, cutting him off from continuing.

“Are you sure? I can come home if you want me to,” Auston asked.

“Don’t worry babe go bond with your team we're just napping here,” I told him as I laid myself on our bed.  

“Alright I’ll be quiet when I come back,” he told me before we both said goodbye. Just as I was about to slip into some much needed sleep I heard a cry through the baby monitor another cry joining in two seconds later. I let out a soft grunt as I laid there for a moment before pushing myself up and making my way back to the nursery.

When I made it into the room I reached over and picked up Kai first before reaching fo Noah as well. I started pacing back and forth as I rocked them.

“Were going to watch Papi play tonight,” I told them as I moved back and forth. Noah settled down once I had him wrapped in my arms but Kai’s crys grew louder.

“Bub it's okay,” I cooed as I rocked us back and forth. After a moment both twins settled down as we rocked. Kai was still whining slightly but another hour later I had both of them settled in bed and sleeping.

“I’m back,” Auston whispered as he pushed the front door open. I was sitting on the couch so I sent him a harsh look telling him to shut up.

“There sleeping,” I told him gently. Auston sent me an innocent look before taking a seat next to me on the couch. He wrapped his arm around me pulling me closer.

“Mitch and Steph want to get dinner with us soon,” Auston mumbled into my ear. I gave him a large grin as I nodded my head before leaning back into him. I had missed spending time with adults. Ever since the twins were born I hadn't done anything but take care of them. I hadn't left our house in almost three weeks.

“Do we need to get a babysitter?” I asked him as I relaxed further into his shoulder. His body relaxed against mine as he shook his head no.

“I got one of the rookies on babysitting duty. We just need to decide a day and which rookie we trust the most,” he laughed as he tugged me closer.

“What about tomorrow after the game?” I suggested. They had a back to back game. One tonight and one tomorrow, I would have suggested tonight but I wanted the day to be special considering I was going to be bringing the boys to their very first game.

He sent me a soft grin as he nodded his head. I let my eyes slip closed for a second only to be shaken lightly a few minutes later.

“Let’s go take a name,” Auston suggested. I nodded my head in agreeance but made no move to get up.

“C’mon you gotta get up babe,” Auston grinned down at me. I shook my head.

“I don’t wanna, I'm so tired. I'll just sleep here,” I told him cuddling deeper into the couch. Auston let out a soft laugh as he leaned over me. He reached out and wrapped his arms around me, picking me up bridal style. I let out a content sigh as I buried my face into his chest and wrapped my arms around his neck.

Once we were both under the blankets Auston wrapped his arms around me so he could be the big spoon. We were both out seconds later.

----

When I woke up I was alone in bed and I could hear some slight whining coming from the baby monitor. I pushed myself up into a sitting position as I looked around for my phone to check the time. When I turned it on I had three text messages from Auston. He fed the boy’s, he put some food in the fridge for me, and that he had to leave for his game and he’d see me after. I let out a soft smile as I read each message before pushing myself up and going to check on the boys.

“Hi guys,” I cooed as I made my way into the room. Auston had put them both in Noah’s crib and they were holding hands.

“Papi is going to be so surprised when he sees you little dudes tonight,” I grinned as I made my way to the closet to find the mini jerseys I had hidden. When I had given birth the Maple Leafs organization had sent us a little care package with two jerseys that had said Daddy 34. I knew that Auston loved them but I had asked Kyle if I could get two insead that said Papi 34. Kyle had immediately come through and had them made for me. I had been hiding them in the back of the closet so Auston wouldn't know.

“I quickly changed the two of them into the jerseys and then I set them down next to each other to take a photo. When I had one I was happy with I sent it to Ema. She responded almost immediately talking about how perfect they were.

Once we were all dressed for the game, me wearing a Leafs sweatshirt with a jersey over it and some leggings. I grabbed the diaper bag and then I made my way over to the front door. Felix followed me as I walked to the door.

“Alright buddy I’ll see you soon,” I said as I handed him a bone. He took it excitedly and sat down on the ground. I grabbed both of the carriers and brought them out to the car. Once they were strapped in I made my way over to the driver's seat and took a deep breath. I was slightly nervous that the loudness of the arena would be too loud for the boys. I had gotten noise cancelling headphones but I was still slightly anxious.

When I pulled up to the side door for family, friends, and staff Steph met me and helped me by grabbing Noah while I grabbed Kai.

“Hi honey,” Steph said as she pulled me into a side hug. I grinned back in response. Steph had become one of my biggest helpers in the past month when Auston was away on road trips. I appreciated everything she did for me so much.

“Hi how are you?” I asked as we showed the security our badges. The man looked at my ID before glancing at me and then Steph.

“I’ve been good,” she smiled softly. We quickly made it through security and then started our way towards our seats which happened to be front row. I had asked Kyle in advance if he could save us some seats and he happily agreed. Steph looked down at Kai with a softer smile.

“They are so cute in their jersey,” she exclaimed as she looked closer at their outfits. I laughed as I pulled my phone out.

“I know I took a million pictures,” I said as I opened them up to show her. About ten minutes later the crowd started filling more and Kai started crying in Steph's arms. The minute his cries became full on screams she looked to me in panic.

“How about we switch,” I told her as I held up the quiet Noah. She sent me a grateful look as we did the baby switch.

“Kai isn’t a fan of loud noises,” I told her softly as I tried to sway him. I reached into the diaper bag and pulled out the noise canceling headphones and slipped them on his head.

“Noah loves the noise though,” I continued as I glanced over the quiet Noah.

“Sometimes though if one or the other cries for too long then they both start crying and it’s almost impossible to get them to stop,” I glanced up at the countdown before looking back at Steph who was staring at me in awe.

“What?” I asked blushing a light red. She shook her head softly.

“Nothing, it's just you're like a whole mom now,” she grinned. I grinned as I reached out to poke her. Then not even three seconds later three different things happened. The sound of the horn going off announcing the arrival of the Maple Leafs causing Kai and Noah to both let out a sharp cry.

“I’m pregnant.”

I gasped loudly shocked by the news and the horn going off. I immediately continued my swaying as Steph started doing the same with Noah.

“Are you serious?” I asked excitedly. She nodded her head as she let out a soft laugh.

“I wasn’t supposed to tell you until dinner tomorrow,” she said laughing louder. I joined in as I turned to face the ice to see if Auston was out yet. Kai and Noah’s crying started to settle down just as Auston made his way out on the ice.

“Do I need to act like I don’t know or can I tell Auston?” I questioned just to make sure. She looked up from Noah and shook her head.

“You can tell him just try to act surprised when Mitch tells you at dinner tomorrow,” she laughed lightly. As I went to ask another question Auston’s gaze finally fell on us. He did a slight double take before making a beeline to us. He stopped right in front of me with the biggest smile I had ever seen on his face. He sent me a wave causing me to smile back as I waved back shyly. I started bouncing Kai slightly to get him to look up at his Papi.

“Kai look who it is,” I said knowing damn well that he couldn't hear me with his thick noise cancelling headphones on. Still his eyes lit up as they looked at Auston through the glass. I turned to Steph slightly.

“Can I have Noah?” she nodded her head as she handed him off to me. I moved Kai slightly so that I could hold both of them. Once I was sure that my grip on them was good I turned back to Auston. His smile softened lightly as he stared at the three of us. Noah glanced away from where he was pulling on my hair to Auston. His face lit up the second he saw him and he reached forward in hopes that Auston would take him. Unfortunately the glass was still between us causing his advances to be abruptly stopped.

I let out a light laugh as Noah banged his tiny fist against the glass. Auston took his glove off and then reached out and pressed a closed knuckle to the glass. A moment later Mitch skated over and made a face at Kai through the glass causing Steph and I to laugh again. After that they had to go back into the locker room because the game was going to start soon.

------

“Three fucking goals!! You absolute god,” I quietly shouted at Auston as he approached me and Steph. He let out a light laugh as he dropped his bag and made his way over to me and pulled me into a hug.

“I had motivation,” he mumbled before pressing a gentle kiss against my forehead. He pulled away and grinned down at our two babies.

“Hey Steph,” he said and then “I had no idea you guys were coming,” he reached out and grabbed Noah from my arms. I shuffled Kai around so that he could be more comfortable.

“I wanted it to be a surprise.”

“I love the jerseys so much. Where did you get them?” he asked me as he rubbed his hand up and down Noah’s back.

“I asked Kyle if he could get them made,” I grinned. Kai started reaching out for Auston causing the three of us to laugh.

“I can grab your bag if you want to carry them both to the car?” I asked him. He sent me a soft smile.

“Yo Willy,” Auston called out as he noticed Willy walking by. He turned to face us, his face lighting up as eyes landed on Kai and Noah. He made his way over to us and pulled me into a hug.

“Amelia how are you?”

“I’m good. It’s been so long since I’ve seen you. How are you?” I asked. He sent me a smile as he glanced over to the babies in Auston’s arms.

“I’m good. First game for Noah and Kai?” he asked. I nodded my head with a grin. It was their first time at a game and of course Auston had to be an overachiever and score a hattrick.

“That’s awesome what a great first game,” he grinned.

“Do you want to hold one of them?” I asked Willy when I noticed his eyes kept drifting back to Kai and Noah.

“Oh no. I didn’t shower I still smell pretty bad,” he laughed. I went to respond but we were cut off by Mitch approaching.

“Hey guys. Ready to go Steph?” he asked, glancing at her. She nodded her head as she reached over to hug me

“I’ll see you at dinner tomorrow,” she grinned as she pulled away turning to face Mitch, he slipped an arm around her waist.

“Oh yes absolutely wouldn’t miss it for the world,” I grinned before turning back to face Auston. Both boys were cuddled into his chest as he stared down at him.

“Are you ready to go superstar?” I asked him as I reached out and grabbed his heavy hockey bag. I let out a small grunt as I put it over my shoulder. I wasn’t expecting it to be this heavy.

“See you later Willy,” I waved to him, my voice sounding slightly strained. He rolled his eyes dramatically before reaching out and taking the hockey bag off my shoulder.

“Lead the way to the car,” he said then turned to face Auston.

“I’m a better gentleman then you,” he teased. I let out a small laugh as I shook my head. When we got to the car Willy threw Auston’s bag in the trunk as Auston handed me Noah.

“Thanks,” I told Willy when he was done. He nodded his head as he shrugged his shoulders.

“Anytime,” he grinned. As he started walking away I called out to him causing him to stop.

“Maybe sometime in the next few weeks we can get drinks,” I suggested. It had been awhile since Auston and I had hung out with Willy. He thought about it for a moment before nodding.

“Sounds fun just let me know when,” he then made his escape. I walked over to the other side of the car so I could slip Noah into his carseat.

“Aus, do you want me to drive?” I asked him as

“Nah babe I got it.”

We both slipped into the car and buckled up. I reached out for the Aux cord and connected my phone turning on my favorite song.

“Really babe you're going to play this song again?” Auston teased as he pulled onto the road. I let out a light laugh as I shrugged my shoulders.

“Shut up you love this song just as much as I do,” I squealed lightly as I reached out to tap his arm. He let out a loud laugh causing Noah let out a laugh from the back seat. I grinned as I turned to face the back.

“You think that’s funny, big guy?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. He let out another loud laugh as he kicked his feet. Kai then joined in as well causing me to let out a surprised laugh as I turned to face Auston.

“How’d the game go with them?” he asked, once the laughing died down. I shrugged my shoulders.

“It was really fun, they only cried a few times and they slept. It was really nice to catch up with Steph,” I said as I turned the music down so it was just a hum in the background.

“Good, I’m glad you got to get out of the house. It seems like it was good for you. Your beaming,” he pointed out as he made a lane change. Auston was right. I had quit my job and I spent so much time with the kids at home that I hadn't had much adult interaction lately. It was nice to get out and see Steph and the kids were so calm for most of the night.

“It was good. I almost backed out but I’m really glad I didn’t,” I grinned as I locked our hands together.

“Oh my god, you'll never believe why Steph and Mitch want to get dinner tomorrow,” he sent me a quick questioning look as he stopped at the stop sign outside of our neighborhood.

“She’s pregnant,” I continued throwing my hands up in the air. His eyes shot to me with a look of disbelief.

“What? Actually?” he asked, sounding extremely surprised. I nodded my head as I started speaking.

“Yeah and she was supposed to wait to tell me tomorrow at dinner but she spilled the beans early. We have to act surprised tomorrow when they tell us,” I warned. He put the car in park once he pulled into the garage.

“Okay I’m a master at acting surprised.”

I laughed loudly as we hopped out of the car. We both reached in to grab a baby and then made our way inside the house. When I pushed the garage door open Felix greeted us excitedly.

“Hi buddy,” I cooed as I reached down to pet his head.

“Babe can you take Kai? I want to take Felix on a quick walk,” Auston asked. Felix immediately perked up at hearing the word walk. I reached my arm out that wasn't holding Noah so Auston could settle Kai in my empty arm.

“Alright I’m going to put them in bed,” I told him as I started walking to our stairs. I pushed my way into the twins room and walked over to the changing table and set them down next to each other. I reached over to Kai first and started undressing him. Once he was down to his diaper I reached over for a clean diaper and started cleaning him up before changing him. He started crying at the sudden coldness of the air. I picked him up rocking him back and forth as I tried to get him to stop. I was worried he’d get Noah started.

“Hey,” Auston said, startling me and making me jump three feet in the air causing him to laugh.

“Hi,” I smiled tiredly at him. He walked in and made his way over to me.

“Want any help?” he hip bumped me to the side taking over and starting to change Noah.

“I think they are just really tired,” I mumbled as I started to redress Kai. Auston was quiet for a moment before glancing at me.

“Are you tired?” he whispered. I looked up from Kai making eye contact with him. I felt a rush of happiness run through my body.

“A little but nothing I can’t handle,” I teased leaning forward to place a kiss on his cheek. He blushed lightly before turning his attention back to Noah. When we both finished we put them in the same crib. At first we had been putting them in separate cribs but we realized that they cried less when they shared a bed. Auston wrapped his arm around my shoulder pulling me closer to him. I wrapped my arm around his waist as I glanced up at him.

“Thank you for everything that you do,” Auston looked down at me with a soft smile. I grinned leaning forward on my tip-toes so that I could place a gentle kiss on his lips. His lips moved in sync with mine for a moment before I pulled away.

“I don’t think we should make out in front of the babies,” I whispered. He grinned as he nodded his head.

“Yeah maybe not. But they are sleeping and I scored three times tonight. Think I could score a forth?” he smirked. I let out a light laugh as I walked backwards to the door.

“Only if you play your cards right Matthews,” I smirked as I winked at him. He smirked following me to our bedroom.

“Mrs. Matthews how about you let me take care of you tonight.”

#auston matthews #auston matthews imagine #auston matthews fanfic #auston matthews fic #auston matthews x reader #toronto maple leafs imagine #toronto maple leafs fic #toronto maple leafs fanfic #Hockey Fanfiction #hockey fic #hockey imagine #nhl fic #nhl imagine #nhl writing #nhl x reader

[ugly-crying-over-bucky-barnes]

The Love Yet Known Part 3

Summary: Tommy Shelby needs to make sacrifices to ensure the safety of his family. So he concocts a plan to marry off his sister to the one and only Alfie Solomons.

             Late that summer after everything was settled with Luca Changretta, Tommy invited Eliza and Alfie to visit Arrow House in Warwickshire. Since Tommy was the one who initiated it, he figured it would be a nice, quiet few days. Charlie clearly missed his aunt dearly. The little boy was used to always having her around to entertain him. He always asked after her and became cross when Tommy said she was married, that’s why she didn’t live with them anymore.

            “Well, when is she not going to be married?” Charlie would ask.

            Tommy just chuckled and shook his head. “I don’t think there will ever be a day when that happens, my boy.”

            No one was blind to the growing affection Eliza and Alfie had from their wedding day on. In fact, it was quite a sight to see when the two were together. Such a shy thing like Eliza had a calming effect on Alfie, who rarely seemed to be in a sour mood when she was around. Likewise, he seemed to bring Eliza out of her shell a little bit. She had many friends in Camden and found herself more active in the community than she ever imagined she would be.

            Tommy never gloated, well he tried not to, but he liked to boast about how he made the match between Eliza and Alfie.

            Still, Arthur and a few of the other Peaky boys were having a hard time accepting Alfie into their sacred spaces. They considered him their sister’s husband, not a brother-in-law. They had a petty habit of writing to Eliza and addressing it with her maiden name. Arthur felt sick to his stomach if he saw his dear sister’s name next to a name like Solomons.

            Alfie wasn’t very hospitable either. He wouldn’t let go of old habits of trying to rile Arthur up. He only ever invited a few of Eliza’s family members to visit them in Camden. None of them even knew the married couple shared a beachfront home in Margate. Alfie would shudder to think if the Shelbys got an idea of inviting themselves over for a holiday.

            But all things considered, life was going well.

 ~~~~~~~

            Alfie helped Eliza out of the car. “This place gets bigger every time I visit; I swear it does.” He muttered.

            His wife laughed softly. “Well, hopefully, you don’t get lost.”

            Charlie came running outside to greet his aunt. “Auntie Liza!”

            “Hello!” Eliza beamed and stooped down to pick her nephew up.

            “Oh, love, be careful.” Alfie winced. It was a good thing Eliza wasn’t easily irritated. Because once Alfie found out she was pregnant, he became overprotective. He insisted on carrying things for her, let her sleep in as long as she liked, and had someone come in to take over any housekeeping duties that she might’ve done. Not that Eliza was keen on keeping anything clean anyway. Alfie knew he was being annoying, but he wanted to make sure that his child and the mother of that child was well kept. He felt it was his duty to ensure their safety and health.

            Charlie gave Alfie a side-eye. “Hi, Uncle Alfie.” He said in a less jovial voice.

            “You well, Charlie?”

            “Mhm.” The little boy shrugged.

            Eliza set him down and reached for her suitcase but Alfie stepped in. “I’ve got it. Go on ahead.”

            She gave him a kiss on the cheek and followed Charlie inside to find Tommy.

~~~~~~~~~ 

            At dinner that night, it was just the four of them. Tommy, Lizzie, Alfie, and Eliza. They chatted casually about things, nothing too consequential. Then, during dessert, Eliza felt it was a good enough time to tell them.

            “So, Alfie and I have news.” Eliza reached for her husband’s hand under the table and gave him a smile.

            “You’re pregnant.” Tommy finished for her.

            Alfie’s brow furrowed. “And what on Earth gave you that impression?” He snapped. He knew how important and special it was for Eliza to tell everyone about the baby, so Alfie was a bit ticked off that Tommy had affectively ruined the moment.

            Tommy glanced up from his whiskey glass. “Am I wrong?”

            “Well…no.”

            “But how did you know?” Alfie asked again.

            “Because of the way you’ve been acting around her. Anyone could tell if they’ve known you long enough, Alfie.” Tommy answered casually. “I haven’t seen her carry anything at all today.”

            Eliza just chuckled. “Well, I didn’t know we made it that obvious.”

            “You and I will have a lot to talk about then,” Lizzie spoke up.         

            “Why? Oh…oh really?” Eliza’s eyes lit up. “You’re pregnant?”

            The two sisters-in-law got up to hug one another. Surely it was special knowing there was someone else walking a similar path. After all, it’s not like their husbands knew what it felt like.

            “Well, seems we’ll be coming around much more often then, Tom.” Alfie sighed. Well, if his wife was happy, then he would drive her back and forth from London to Warwickshire as many times as she liked.  

~~~~~~~~~

            Lizzie gave birth to Ruby when Eliza was still seven months along. Seeing and holding the baby girl in her arms was such a lovely occasion. It was almost like a hint at what was to come. It would be much more surreal though, that’s what Lizzie told her.

            “It’s so strange holding her. All of a sudden, you’ve got this little life. One you’ve waited so long to hold and she’s yours to care for and love. It’s really overwhelming.” Her sister-in-law tried to explain as best she could.

~~~~~~~~~~~

            Now all there was to do was wait a little longer. The nursery was all set up and ready. Meanwhile, the midwife was on call whenever the first signs of labor came.

            In the blistering cold of February, Eliza was due any day. Alfie started to work from home just in case she went into labor and he needed to be there for her. He didn’t get out of bed as early, but he was awake much earlier than his wife on most mornings.

            It was a peaceful time where he could just bask in the warm feelings of holding his beloved wife close to him, all cuddled up in bed. Cyril keeping their feet warm at the end of the bed. His soft breathing sometimes syncing up to Eliza’s heartbeat.

            Alfie would wrap an arm around her waist, resting a hand over her swollen stomach. There, he could feel his child kicking. The emotions that overcame him when he felt that little pressure against his hand were indescribable. He was thrilled, excited, nervous, afraid. He didn’t know how he would measure up as a father. Didn’t know how his line of work would impact the life of his child.  

            Every possible worst-case scenario had run through his head since Eliza told him she was pregnant. His worst fear was losing her and the baby. Or losing the baby and having to cope with their shared grief. Or losing Eliza and having to be a single father while grieving his wife.

            The possibilities kept him up at night, practically driving him mad with anxiety. But then there were the good thoughts. The joy he would feel when he first held his child. The pride of seeing every milestone from first words to first steps.

            It was overwhelming to think about and it didn’t help that the wait was making him even more anxious.

 ~~~~~~~~~

            But finally, the day came when Eliza gave birth to a healthy baby boy. It was a relief to hear that his wife and son were both going to be perfectly fine. As Alfie climbed the stairs to see them, he felt his hands trembling with anxiety and anticipation.

            What if he did something wrong?

            What if Eliza thought he wasn’t a good father?

            What if he just wasn’t enough?

            All the self-deprecating thoughts seemed to vanish into thin air when he saw his son swaddled in his mother’s arms.

            Eliza gave her husband a tired smile. “He’s beautiful, Alfie.” She whispered with tears in her eyes.

            Alfie walked over to the bed and peered over. “Fucking hell, look at all that hair, aye?” He chuckled with tears welling up in his eyes as well. “Look at him, he’s about as perfect as you can get, ain’t he?” He kissed Eliza’s forehead. “I can’t ever repay you for giving me such a perfect gift.”

            “I think you can with a few dozen nappy changes.” She teased back.

            “Done deal.” He grinned and gently cradled his son’s head.

            “You can hold him.”

            Alfie’s nerves pricked at him again as he sat down on the edge of the bed. Eliza gently placed the newborn in his arms, looking over him with such fondness.

            “There you are.” He said softly. “Been waiting quite some time for you, mate.”

            Eliza rested her cheek on her husband’s shoulder as he spoke to their son. “What should we name him?” She asked.

            They had passed around a few names over the course of her pregnancy but none of them particularly stood out to either of them.

            “How about Asher?”

            “Is that Jewish?” Eliza asked.

            Alfie nodded. “Means blessed. Was one of the twelve tribes of Israel, back in ancient times.”

            She smiled. Truly, she felt blessed. Not just by the birth of her son, but by everything. She had found her soulmate, fell in love with him, married him, and now produced such a beautiful little boy. Her heart felt so full in her chest. “I love it. I think it’s absolutely perfect.”

  ~~~~~~~~~~         

            A month after Asher was born, Eliza brought up the idea of bringing him to Warwickshire to meet her family. Tommy was apparently arranging a dinner to bring the whole family together. That way they could catch up on things without being busy with work and the children could all see their cousins.  

            Alfie bristled at the idea. It was one thing to spend a couple of days with just Tommy and Lizzie. But to be around the whole Shelby family, it was not a pleasant thought. He almost felt as if he’d be alone, surrounded by people who didn’t quite trust him. People he didn’t really trust either.

            “Won’t be a pleasant trip, tryna get there with a newborn.” He thought of the mistake on the fly.

            “It’ll be fine, it’s not too far and I’m sure Asher will sleep the whole way there. If he doesn’t then it isn’t the end of the world.” Eliza assumed her husband was just concerned about the baby’s sake.

            “Dunno…”

            “Then maybe we invite everyone here. It’ll be a little crowded but we’ll make it work.” She suggested to eliminate the idea of traveling.

            Having the Shelbys in his space, his territory was an even worse idea. “Tommy’s place is big enough, we ain’t gonna have that many people over here.”

            “So…” She looked at him. “Then we’ll go to Tommy’s.”

            Alfie didn’t want to outright say he didn’t want to be around her family. He was afraid it might break her heart. But he wasn’t going to pretend that it was a joy to be around them either. He stifled a groan, feeling backed into a corner for sure. “I mean…if it’ll make you happy, love.”

            “I want to see Ruby and I want everyone to meet Asher.” She replied, able to hold her ground against him when she chose to. “So yes, it would make me happy.”

            There was no arguing that. His wife’s happiness was one of the few things that mattered to him. “Alright then, we’ll go. I won’t be a bother about it.” He promised, earning a smile and a kiss from him.

~~~~~~~~~~~

            Asher slept through most of the car ride over to Warwickshire. Eliza appeared happy to be seeing her family and to introduce them to her son.

            The sun was starting to set as they entered the estate. Alfie felt on his guard as he walked in beside Eliza, already hearing the colorful language coming in from the parlor. There was laughing and yelling coming from upstairs, most likely the children playing with one another.

            Polly saw them coming in first and rushed over to embrace her niece. “Look at you. Motherhood suits you, my dear.” She turned to Alfie who was holding his son. “And there he is. Looks very healthy. You must be very proud, Alfie.”

            “Yeah.” He smiled slightly. Leave it to Polly to get on his good side even when he was tense. “He’s a lot of work, ain’t he, but it’s rewarding.”

            Polly could see the hesitation in Alfie’s eyes. He was holding Asher protectively to his chest, his eyes scanning across the room almost looking for potential threats. She decided he would have to warm up to the idea of handing his son over for anyone to hold.

            Eliza didn’t appear to catch onto her husband’s discomfort. “Alfie, I’ll take him.”

            “S’alright, love. I don’t mind.”

            “Well, let Polly hold him for a bit.” She suggested.

            “It’s alright,” Polly replied gently to her niece. “You two make yourselves at home. I’ll get you a drink, love. Alfie would you like something?”

            “No, thank you.” He replied a bit relieved that Polly hadn’t pushed the matter.

            But then Arthur swooped in and gave his sister a bear hug. “Glad you came, chey.”

            Eliza giggled and hugged him back. “Hi, Arthur.”

            “Good to see ya. Now, where’s the little one, aye?” The eldest Shelby’s eyes settled on Alfie with a look of slight distaste.

            Eliza stepped in to try and keep the atmosphere light and festive. “This is Asher, he just turned a month old.” She reached over to adjust the little cap on the newborn’s head. His dark hair was sticking out from underneath it.

            “A month already.” Arthur shook his head. “Well, wish we could’ve been there earlier.” He gave his brother-in-law a stern look. As if Alfie was purposefully keeping Eliza hidden away in Camden Town to keep her away from her family.

            “Arthur…” She sighed. But it was too late. The powder keg had already been lit.

            “Well, mate, it weren’t the easiest delivery. Eliza had to take a bit of time to recover.”

            “If Pol had been there like she wanted then maybe it wouldn’t have been so difficult.” Arthur wasn’t standing down from the challenge. In fact, he welcomed a reason to argue.

            “Arthur, that’s enough.” His aunt interrupted. “We’ve had this discussion before but it’s over. The baby’s already born.”

            But neither man listened to a voice of reason. “She had the best midwife in Camden Town there. Are you insinuating I wouldn’t get the best for me wife?”

            “I’m saying you’ve been keeping our sister from seeing her family.”

            “She’s got a mind of her own, mate, she can go wherever she wants whenever she wants.” Alfie crossed his arms over his chest.

            “Please, will you two just stop?” Eliza begged.

            “Did she have a choice when Tommy sold her off to you?” Arthur’s voice raised and Eliza knew she had to step in before the rest of the party started to take notice of the brewing storm between her brother and husband.

            “Alright, enough. You two are making a scene and it’s ridiculous.” She took Asher from Alfie’s arms when he was caught off guard and handed the baby to Polly. Before her husband could protest, she grabbed his arm and dragged him into another empty room of Arrow House.

            “You’re just going to leave him?” Alfie spat.

            “With my aunt who I trust with my life? Yes!” She snapped in an exasperated tone. “What on Earth has gotten into you? I thought this would be a nice visit, I didn’t think I had to tell you to be on your best behavior. But apparently, I should’ve because you’re acting like a child!”

            “Your brother started it!” His normally soft-spoken wife gave him a death glare. Alfie backtracked when he realized the childish response was exactly what Eliza was talking about. “I’m sorry.” He mumbled. “I just don’t like him treating me that way. Like I’m some monster who kidnapped you.”

            “Oh, Alfie.” She sighed and wrapped her arms around his neck to pull him close. “You know Arthur and you know that’s not true. You’ve given me everything and I’ve never been so happy. But we can’t make them see that. If they don’t see it then that’s their fault.” She kissed his cheek. “We know the truth.”

            He grumbled. Of course, she was right, seldom was she wrong. It just didn’t help that when they went back to the party, Arthur would still be the same. “M’trying, love.”

            “I know you are.” She smiled. “They’re difficult. But you are too.”

            He chuckled. There was no arguing that.

            “But now Asher is sort of a buffer. You just have to let them hold him.”

            Alfie looked disgruntled. He knew intuitively that none of the Shelbys would bring harm to the child. But there was still that protective instinct that he could never totally shake. If he let his guard down, bad things happened. The only time that wasn’t the case was when he was alone with Eliza and Asher. That quiet space where everything good in the world seemed to line up. Nothing outside of their warm home mattered.

            “Alright.” He relented. It seemed reasonable that if he played along, the sooner they would be out of there.

            Eliza smiled and kissed him softly. “Try to enjoy yourself.” She said before going to return to the party.

~~~~~~~~~

            Alfie followed and found Polly was still holding Asher. But Ada and Lizzie were cooing over the baby. Tommy was sat next to his aunt, holding Ruby and smiling at his new nephew. Even Arthur was nearby smiling at Asher.

            Alfie did his best not to hover even when his son was passed from relative to relative. It seemed to make Eliza happy to see her family holding her newborn. She spoke proudly about him. The meaning of his name, his blue eyes, how much Cyril adored him, and everything else that had happened in his short life.

            After a while, Alfie began to relax slightly. Although he always kept an eye out to see who was holding Asher.

            Toward the end of the night, his son was finally placed back in his arms. Asher was fast asleep despite the Shelbys having a good time with a good amount of alcohol. Alfie gently touched his cheek with his thumb. “They can be exhausting, aye?” He murmured quietly. “Better get used to it I suppose. Don’t think they’re going anywhere.”

            Asher yawned and shifted slightly in his swaddle.

            Alfie glanced up when he heard someone clear their throat. Arthur was standing nearby, a glass of whiskey in hand. “Mind if I sit?” He gestured to the empty armchair near the sofa Alfie was sitting on.

            “Ain’t my house, mate.”

            Arthur shrugged and sat down. “So, how does it feel, aye? Must get no sleep with him. And Liza, I doubt she ever gets up. Would take a train to wake her when she was younger.”

            It was a strange olive branch but Alfie chuckled. “Yeah, it’s tough tryna get her up to nurse him. S’alright though. Never been a big sleeper myself.” He admitted.

            “Yeah, war will do that to you.” Arthur agreed after a sip of whiskey.

            They were so similar, it was a wonder that they butted heads so often. They were veterans with deep scars, liked to solve problems with their fists, hardly flinched at death, and yet fiercely cared about their kin. But bad blood was hard to wash out, especially in their line of work.

            “I’d always be up with Billy when he was that young. It’s good, keeps your mind busy.” He added.

            “They’re a good distraction.” Alfie nodded, looking down at his son. “Changes a lot of perspectives on life.”

            Arthur looked across the room to see Eliza smiling at him. Of course, she’d put him up to it, insisting that if he wanted to see more of her, he would be nicer to her husband. Arthur complained but she wasn’t hearing it. It seemed that marriage and motherhood had really taught her when to put her foot down. But sitting there with his brother-in-law, Arthur seemed to realize that there wasn’t much else he could do. Here they were, both fathers to a son, both husbands. They were too old to be the vicious fighters they were as young men. It was too tiring.

            Alfie came to a similar conclusion. They could fight about the same things that happened so long ago. There wasn’t anything new to argue about. Just the grudges they both held. Which were equally as tiring. “Here.” He held Asher out.

            Arthur looked a bit surprised but decided not to make a scene out of it. He set his whiskey glass down and cradled his nephew to his chest. “Looks like Liza when she was a baby.” He chuckled. “She had so much hair. Our mother was shocked. I hope he doesn’t cry as much as she did. God, she was noisier than John ever was.” His eyes saddened at the mention of Eliza’s twin. It felt like ages ago that they’d lost John and yet, it was still so fresh.

            “That’s his middle name, you know,” Alfie said. “Asher John.”

            Arthur got a little choked up. “He’d be thrilled if he was here.” He tried to laugh off his grief but it was obvious how much it hurt. “Don’t think he’d ever stop bragging about it.”

            Eliza came over, so happy to see the two men getting along for the first time ever. She kissed Alfie’s temple as she sat down next to him.

            A quiet lull fell over the room. The warm chatter of family radiated with the fire and drinks. Alfie felt his shoulders relax while he wrapped an arm around Eliza’s shoulders. Things could be okay if he allowed them to be. So he did.

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[beauvibaby]

I still love you – j.benn

a/n: Uh I totally didn’t proof read this sorry

• what happens when you find out your pregnant with Jamie’s baby after you’ve already broken up •

word count: 7.4K

You stared down at the test, feeling the nausea rise up your throat once again, your mind jumping back to a little over a month ago.

“We can’t do this, Jamie.” You sighed, staring at him from your spot on the opposite end of his living room, it was a mutual decision, it wasn’t going to be made with hard feelings, maybe had you both been less worried about what could happen, you would’ve been able to put in the effort–it’s not to say that you didn’t like him. You really truly did, a lot too. But it just wasn’t possible, both of you agreed. “I know.” He shrugged, both of you hiding the pain of this decision. “Doesn’t mean we can’t have one last good night.” He smirked at you, deflecting his emotions. And he was right, you did have one last good night.

Maybe too good.

In the heat of the moment, you’re guessing you both forgot about the condom, or you didn’t and there was a hole in it. No matter what happened, this was the result and you were having a hard time trying to figure out what to do. The positive results staring back at you, a feeling of happiness came over you–but at the same time, it made you terrified, this isn’t how you imagined you’d find out you were pregnant. Alone, in your apartment, at two am after you realized why you’d been sick for over a week. You sucked in a sharp breath, letting it out slowly, easing your churning stomach, a hand resting on it, subconsciously rubbing it. The thought of a false positive popped into your head, and you were shocked by how saddened you were at the thought, pushing those thoughts aside you forced yourself to go back to bed, mind racing a million miles a minute. Knowing first thing in the morning you’d be calling to schedule a doctors appointment.

The months flew, you didn’t know how to reach Jamie, you’d long ago deleted his number, in a drunken pity party two nights after you broke up, and social media was the only way you thought to try and reach him, but he never even read the message. It was a simple one, you didn’t disclose any information. “Can we talk?” Never seen, never responded too. Nothing. You’d watched the games, it gave you a feeling of closeness, why you longed for it, that you weren’t sure of. You blamed the hormones, wanting to not admit that you were missing Jamie, and maybe that on some level you wanted to be with him all this time, and to share this experience with him.

***

12 weeks.

You shakily held your phone out in front of you, waiting for your parents to answer the FaceTime call, you’d made the decision to keep the baby, even if it meant you were all alone, and it was finally time to tell your parents, a nervous smile on your face when they popped up on your screen. “Hi honey!” Your mom grinned, your dad smiling right beside her, “hi.” You spoke softly, “I have to tell you guys something.” Clearing your throat you sat up a little straighter, your dad eyed you suspiciously, “everything ok?” He questioned, his fatherly intuition tingling as his one and only daughter looked at him nervously. “Well, it depends on how you look at it, but I think it’s pretty good.” You laughed nervously, closing your eyes for a second before blurting out. “I’m pregnant.” Everyone fell silent, you peeked an eye open, seeing your parents staring at you, so still that you began to wonder if they froze on your screen. “Mom, dad?” You cringed, they came to their senses, “a grand baby!” Your mom shrieked, your dad slowly beginning to smile, before the question you were waiting for happened. “Who’s the dad?” Your father asked.

Your face fell for a moment, “Jamie.” You whispered, they knew who he was, they knew you dated, but they also knew you had broken up a while back. They put two and two together and assumed that you’d kept this information private for a while. “Oh, honey, does he know?” Your mom asked, shuffling in her seat, your dad looking blankly at you, unsure of how to be reacting, he was happy of course, a grandchild is something he’s always dreamed of, but he was angry at Jamie already, without even knowing why he wasn’t there. “I haven’t told him.” You admitted sheepishly, listening to them both go into a rant.

***

20 weeks.

You laid on the table, a gasp falling from your lips as you felt the baby kick against your stomach, the ultrasound tech looking at you with a smile, “you felt that?” She was in the middle of an ultrasound, she could see the baby moving, but you’d never felt them before. “Yes, oh my god.” You whispered, a grin coming over your face, she laughed softly, continuing the scan, “do you want to know the gender?” She asked, having her own grin on her face, you looked over at her, you had your friends around here with you, but you didn’t want to do a whole gender reveal party. So you nodded, “yes please.” You held your breath as she clicked a few times before turning the screen towards you, “it’s a girl.” She whispered, watching as you let out a gasp, this whole time you’d thought it was a boy. A feeling you had, but you were wrong apparently. “A girl.” You smiled, the rest of your appointment going smoothly, your baby girl having no health issues so far.

***

You were now 32 weeks pregnant, exactly two months away from having your baby girl. To say you were nervous was an understatement, you’d been working extra to save up, the nursery almost being finished, something you were immensely proud of yourself for tackling the project on your own.

The local shopping center has been a recent stop of yours, always thinking of something else you needed to pick up for the baby, who’s name you still hadn’t been able to decide. You tried to contact Jamie again, and again, but you became discouraged after four failed attempts, and the next thing you knew, you were nearly through your whole pregnancy, and the hockey season was over, Jamie would be going back to Canada to be with his family, at least, that’s what you thought. You huffed as you tried to get the baby sized tub into your already full trunk, not noticing the cart was rolling away until you turned to grab the next item– the last item, only a package of crib sheets, and the cart was already easily ten feet away from you. A small shriek fell from your lips as you started speed walking for it, seeing the way it was heading straight for an over price convertible, something you couldn’t pay to fix. “Oh, no, no!” You spoke to yourself, unable to run with your ever growing bump. “I’ll get it!” A guy went jogging passed you, grabbing it just before it could hit the car, you stopped in your spot, even from the back you could recognize him. Your jaw fell, you looked to the ground as he turned, pushing the cart back towards you. “Thank you.” You whispered, awkwardly looking up, Jamie was already staring at you. He went stiff, eyes stuck on yours, like always you could read them so well, he was shocked, maybe even a bit happy before he did a double take over your body.

“Y/N.” His eyes jumped between yours and the bump you were fully showing off in the snug fit maternity dress. “Jamie.” You whispered, taking a step towards the cart, seeing his knuckles turn white from his grip on the handle. “You’re–is it mine?” He asked bluntly, taking a step away from you, watching as you pushed the cart into the grass, taking the crib sheets and hugging them to your body. “First of all, you should know, I tried to contact you through social media, I didn’t have your number anymore.” You rushed, the guilt eating you alive. “Online?” He scoffed, “you tried to tell me you’re pregnant through Instagram?” His words were harsh, but his eyes blank. “Jamie, I’m sorry, I swear I wanted to tell you. I deleted your number after we broke up, I was upset, and I didn’t know what else to do.” You pleaded, staring him down, he looked to the sheets in your arms, studying them, it was easy to tell it was a girl, the pack being full of pink and floral fabric. He bit his lip, looking passed you, you glanced back, turning your body slightly, face falling when you saw Tyler, who you could tell instantly recognized you.

His eyes darted to your stomach, his eyes going as wide as they could as he turned back around and walked away to give you two space. “A girl?” Jamie finally spoke, stepping closer to you, a sniffled yes fell from your lips as you looked away. “I’m so sorry, I promise I wanted you to know. I didn’t want to take this or her away from you.” You explained to him, surprised when he reached out to wipe a tear from your cheek before retracting his hand. “I know, you wouldn’t do that.” He still sounded angry, which you couldn’t blame him for, but you were grateful he wasn’t completely losing it. This is an odd situation, there isn’t a guide book to how to handle this kind of information. “I have so many questions.” He mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly, a smile graced your face. “Well, if you want to give me your number again, we can catch up sometime.” You joked, hoping it wasn’t too soon, your feelings for Jamie rushing right back, like you hadn’t just been apart for seven months. “Are you free now?” He blurted, turning pink afterwards. “I was just going to go home and put my swollen ankles up on the couch, you’re more than welcome to come.” You spoke sheepishly, biting the corner of your lip. “I-Uh-are you sure? I don’t want to impose.” He stuttered over his words, you couldn’t help but let out a giggle, which turned into a string of laughter as Jamie stared at you curiously, “Jamie, you could never impose on me. You deserve all the time you want, it’s my fault you missed so much of this already.” You spoke through laughter that you were fighting to not turn into tears. “Let’s not blame anyone, ok?” He spoke softly, shoving his hands into his pockets, “um, I just have to drop Tyler off at his place, and then I can come by?” He raised an eyebrow, rocking on his feet as you let a tear slip. “Yeah,” you cleared your throat, “yeah that works.” You turned walking straight for your car, you were climbing into the drivers seat when Jamie jogged over to you, “gate code still the same?” He asked looking down at you.

Your breathing hitched the memory coming back instantly.

“A one month anniversary gift?” Jamie teased, shaking the small box you gave him, the only thing being inside was a note with the code to your apartment complex gate on it. You were tired of having to buzz him in all the time, and you trusted him more than you normally would trust a guy. He was different, he was kind, he cared. “Shut up and open it.” You rolled your eyes, going back into the kitchen suddenly embarrassed as he opened the box, he looked back up with a grin only to find you gone, he jumped to his feet and wandered into the kitchen, arms wrapping around your waist from behind. “That was cute, babe, and I’ll definitely use it.” He kissed your cheek, feeling you smile under his lips, “good.”

“Yeah, still the same.” With that you parted ways, you nervously driving home to clean whatever mess you left in the apartment, and little did you know Jamie was sitting in Tyler’s driveway, trying to process this information, while Tyler was insisting this was fate.

“It’s not fate!” Jamie snapped, glaring at his friend who sat in the passenger seat with a smug smile on his face, “ok, so what do you call seeing your ex who’s been trying to get a hold of you for months because she’s pregnant with your child? In a target parking lot no less!” Tyler rambled, giving Jamie a stern look, “exactly, it’s fate. Case closed. I know it’s a lot to handle, but there was always something special between you two.” He added, waiting for Jamie to speak. “We dated for barely two months, Ty.” Jamie grumbled, leaning back in his seat, rubbing a hand over his face. “So? That’s plenty of time to know if you’re in love!” Tyler defended, laughing when Jamie went pink. “You are a terrible liar.” He snickered, calming himself down as Jamie looked over at him with wide, emotion filled eyes. “It’s a girl.” Jamie whispered, scratching at his beard, Tyler went silent, a happy smile pulling across his face. “Shit, man, you better hope she looks like Y/N.” Tyler teased, using it to hide his own emotions as well, “get out.” Jamie laughed, wiping at his eyes. “I gotta go over there before she thinks I’m bailing, I have so much to learn.” He mumbled, Tyler giving him a quick pat on the shoulder, “you got this, it’ll be fine.”

You paced in your living room, swollen feet and all, suddenly terrified that Jamie wasn’t going to show, how could you even think he would have? For all you know he could be thinking it isn’t even his, that you said it was for money. You rubbed your hands over your bump, your daughter extra active as your anxiety picked up, you took a deep breath, jumping when the door was knocked on. You gave the room one last look over before going to let him in, “hey.” You smiled softly, the familiarity of opening your door to see him staring back at you came rushing back and you had to ignore the ache in your chest from it. “Hey.” He repeated, looking beyond you and into the cozy apartment of yours that always loved to be in. “Oh, come in, sorry.” You awkwardly shuffled, shutting the door once he walked in, he didn’t know where to go so he kind of just stood in limbo, you rushed over to the fridge, pulling the last sonogram photo off of it, which was already aged so well, considering you don’t have anymore ultrasounds scheduled and you couldn’t spare the cash to go to a 3D place. “Here.” You handed it to him, watching as he grabbed it delicately, looking at the black and white photo in awe. He glanced up at you, his eyes scanning around the room, he could see little touches here and there for the baby, the most noticeable one being the car seat and stroller you had in boxes by the kitchen table. It hurt him to see all the things you had to do by yourself, all the things he should be here for, his mind wandered, suddenly wondering if you had a nursery set up for her, deep down he knew you did, because you were you and you were a planner.

“I’m sorry, Jamie. I really am, I feel terrible, please don’t hate me for not telling you.” You rushed your words, his immediate reaction was to step closer to you, “I don’t think I could ever hate you, Y/N. I’ll get over it, I just don’t want to miss anymore.” He assured you, resisting the urge to hug you, not wanting to push your boundaries. You nodded tearfully, “give me your hand.” You whispered, feeling her moving around, he didn’t hesitate to listen, watching as you placed it to the upper left side of your stomach, he furrowed his brows before he felt the kick. You watched the smile pull across his face, “oh my god.” He whispered, scrambling to set the sonogram photo down, placing his other hand there as well. He felt overcome by emotion, he couldn’t explain it, but he had zero doubts of this being his baby, he felt as if he had a bond with her already despite her not even being born yet. You watched him with tears in your eyes, finally getting to see a genuine reaction from him about this, he was happy, it was plain as day across his face. No doubts, nothing but pure happiness and excitement. “Tell me everything. I don’t care how long it takes, please, just make me feel like I’ve been here for all of this.” He sniffled, keeping his eyes on your stomach, where his hands still laid gently, worried if he put anymore pressure he’d hurt you. “We better sit down then.” You joked, finally getting his attention, he mirrored your expression, relief and happiness, with watery eyes. “We better.” He agreed, following you to the couch, where you spent the next two hours exchanging stories, although he didn’t speak much, a combination of processing the information and simply wanting to hear you speak for as long as possible.

After some time, the sun had started to set, Jamie caught you glancing out the window repeatedly, “I can leave now.” He assured you, but made no effort to move, if he was being honest he really didn’t want to leave, he wanted to be here even if there was nothing he could do to help you. “No, it’s fine.” You brushed him off, an idea popping into your head, “did you want to see her room?” You raised an eyebrow at him, he nodded eagerly rushing to his feet, extending his hands to help you off the couch. You gave him a grateful smile once you were up on your feet, “come on.” You led him down the short hallway to what was once your guest bedroom, you stepped aside and let him push the door open, “it’s not completely finished yet, I want to put her name up above the crib, but I haven’t decided on one yet.” You explained, leaning against the wall as he stood in the middle of the room, looking around at all the furniture, and the bags of baby clothes you've yet to wash. “You haven’t picked a name?” He looked kind of hopeful, “no, but I figured now you could help me? If you’re going to be involved.” You trailed off, needing the confirmation from him. “Of course I’m going to be involved, Y/N. That’s my daughter.” He pointed to your stomach, earning a soft chuckle from you. Jamie saw the tears pooling in your eyes, so he lightened the subject slightly, “you put all of this together by yourself?” He questioned, running his hands over the white crib railing, looking down at the small mattress, imaging what it will look like once the baby is here. “Well, my brother came down a couple weeks ago to help me put it all together, my bump got in the way too much.” You giggled, thinking back to the way you and your brother were so frustrated with each other while trying to put the furniture together.

“Oh–your family, they probably hate me.” He whispered, more for himself than you, you couldn’t help yourself, you took large steps over to him, standing toe to toe with him, chuckling as your bump grazed his own stomach. “They don’t hate you, actually, they’re more mad at me for not finding a way to tell you.” You whispered, Jamie nodded, still feeling guilty for causing any disturbance in your family–wait, family. He still has to tell his family. “I have to tell my family, my parents, oh my god.” He suddenly sat down in the glider in the corner, head in his hands, you frowned at the sight, your reserves breaking, when you broke up with Jamie you loved him, you’d never told him, not wanting to make it harder for him. But now, looking at him like this, and thinking of how in two short months your daughter would be here, and seeing him with her, it all came rushing back. “Jamie.” You whispered, making his head snap up, “it’s going to be ok.” You assured him, he could see you wanted to say more, “and?” He prompted, remembering how you’d fiddle with your fingers when you were nervous, just like you were doing right now. You shook your head, letting the tears fall, Jamie was up in an instant, standing right in front of you again, but this time he did hug you. He pulled you as snug against his chest as he could, ducking his head down to inhale the scent of your shampoo, “you can tell me anything, you know.” He reminded you, shocked with how easy it felt to be back with you. He loved you then and he was certain he did now, things would have to go slowly though, it was difficult to jump right back into how things were after all this time.

“I loved you, Jamie, I still love you. If you feel the same, that’s great, and if you don’t, just tell me now so I can deal with it before the baby comes.” You rambled into his chest, but he caught all he needed to hear, “I still love you too.” He whispered, laughing when you shot back, looking at him skeptically. “I mean, things would have to go slow, right? But I want to be here, whether that’s as your boyfriend too, or just as a co-parent, I’m going to be here.” He assured you, a confident smile on his face, you put your arms up around his neck, taking in the expression on his face–the emotions in his eyes. “Kinda slow.” You shrugged, eyes flickering down to his lips, “kinda slow.” He smirked, mimicking your actions. “You know, I’m a really hormonal pregnant woman, so you should just kiss me already.” You whispered, admiring the way his eyes crinkled shut in laughter, his lips met yours, and it felt like you never stopped kissing him, like the last seven months apart didn’t happen. You felt safe and loved, and you could only pray that things continued this easily.

When you finally separated you both stared at each other, “hi.” He mumbled, tracing your cheekbones with his thumbs, a blissful smile on his face. You started to laugh, uncontrollably, and he couldn’t help but join in. Not even sure why he was laughing but, you were contagious. “This is insane, Jamie.” You finally spoke, breathing hard from laughing, “are we really doing this? Us?” You questioned, suddenly very serious. “I’m all in, Y/N.” He assured you, “when’s your next appointment?” He questioned, tucking the hair behind your ears. “Tomorrow actually.” You grinned, “Wanna come?” You teased, already knowing his answer. “Can I?” He murmured, he hated that he felt like he was overstepping, even though you just offered it to him. “Of course, I want you to come, to all of them.” You spoke calmly, the easiness of being with him helped you ease your nerves, it just felt right.

***

“Bed rest?!” You and Jamie exclaimed at the same time, you had zero complications during your pregnancy so far, and now suddenly your blood pressure is up, and your doctor is worried about you going into early labor. She nodded, “yes, I think that’s the best option, for now you can monitor it at home, but if anything changes I recommend you come back in so we can reevaluate.” Your mind was going a thousand miles a minute, how could you do bed rest on your own, you lived in an apartment with an elevator that didn’t always work. Jamie could tell he was thinking the same thing as you, worry etched into his features. “Is this serious?” He asked the doctor, “it could be, but if it’s managed well, she can go full term.” She assured him, “I’ll give you two a moment, whenever you’re ready you can head to the front and check out.” She smiled, disappearing just like that. You covered your face with your hands, shaking with soft cries. “Jamie, what am I supposed to do?” You groaned into your hands, he stood in front of you and gently pulled them away from your face. “What are we supposed to do.” He corrected you softly, wiping under your eyes, “I have an idea. A crazy one, but an idea nonetheless.” He spoke, staring right into your eyes, “go on.” You encouraged, mind still reeling, unable to think properly.

“Come stay with me.” He deadpanned, you went blank, “like, move in?” You trailed off, looking away before you could see the smile on his face. “Yeah.” He nodded, “you can stay in a different room, whatever makes you comfortable, but I wouldn’t feel good leaving you in your apartment all day by yourself. Besides, when the baby comes it would just be easier, everything would be in one place. We wouldn’t have to worry about going back and forth between houses, it just makes sense.” He rambled, watching you hesitantly, unsure of how you were reacting as your face stayed blank. “I’m scared, Jamie, I’m really fucking scared, about something happening to her, or to us.” You whimpered, hiding your face in his chest, he shushed you and ran his hands up and down your back. He had all those same fears, but he wouldn’t tell you that, you needed encouragement, and he was here to give it. “It’s going to be ok, she's going to be a healthy happy baby, and we’re going to be ok. I promise, I want nothing more than to make this work.” He cupped your cheeks as he spoke, making sure you absorbed every word, he placed a kiss to your forehead before pecking your lips shortly. “Now, we’re still standing in the doctors office and I don’t think that’s very productive of me when I need to be bringing you to your new home.” He joked, finally getting a smile out of you. There was a lot to figure out, a lot to do, but you pushed the worries aside for now and just allowed Jamie to take you to his house–your now shared home.

***

You were now only a month away from having your baby, things with Jamie had been good, not great, but you attributed that to your own self worries. He had been nothing but loving and attentive, but you couldn’t help but worry that once the baby came, he wouldn’t really care about you anymore. It sounded terrible, but you couldn’t help how you felt. Your blood pressure had gone back to normal, and your doctor told you that you didn’t have to stay on full bed rest, but she definitely wanted you to take it easy. Which is why you were sitting in the glider in what was becoming the baby’s nursery, watching Tyler and Jamie snap at each other while trying to figure out how to put the crib back together. You decided not to renew your apartment, it was something you and Jamie spoke long and hard about, but it felt like the right decision, why spend all that money on rent when you wouldn’t even be going there. So now, you’d sold whatever furniture you didn’t need, and brought all of the baby stuff here, just in time for her arrival coming up. You looked around the room, Jamie had asked you what you pictured for the walls, knowing in the apartment you couldn’t paint, so you told him, not thinking much of it, you didn’t think was going to spend the whole weekend painting the room and putting up the floral wallpaper. But he did, because he loves you and wanted you to have the nursery you dreamed of for your daughter. He couldn’t lie and say that he didn’t love it, because he did. The light colors, and the furniture together, it felt cozy but beautiful at the same time. It was more than he could have dreamed of for his baby. Tyler was thrilled to have you back in the group, he tended to you just as much as Jamie did, insisting he could do things, or help out. It was sweet really, and you were thankful that everyone important in Jamie’s life was so accepting of you. His family included, his mom was thrilled and couldn’t wait to come visit once the baby was born, who’s name still hadn’t been decided on, but that was your next mission.

“We need to pick a name, Jam.” You reminded him, as he huffed, finally getting the crib out together properly, he looked over at you with a smile, “this should be interesting.” Tyler laughed, sitting back against the wall, watching the two of you go back and forth over names, both of you spitting them out left and right only to be shot down by the other.

“Grace?” Jamie spoke, eyebrow raised, “as a middle name.” You countered, he nodded, “I can agree to that.” He leaned back on his arms, waiting for you to give out a first name option. You ran your hands over your even larger bump, “Presley?” You grinned, he cocked his head to the side, chewing on his lip. “Presley Grace Benn.” He spoke, glancing over at Tyler who had a wide grin on his face. You started crying which made the two guys laugh, Jamie slid over to be sitting in front of you, pressing a kiss to your stomach, something he's started doing a lot now. Especially when you started sneaking into his bed in the middle of the night, until you finally agreed to stay in the same room as him, you didn’t like being alone when you knew he was right down the hall. “Presley.” He mumbled, pushing himself up to give you a quick kiss. “Well, come on now, let’s finish Presley’s room, Tyler.” He demanded, laughing at the way his friend shot up, “don’t have to tell me twice.”

***

You tossed and turned, between your mind racing, Presley’s kicking and Jamie’s absence, you couldn’t will yourself to get some rest. You groaned, sitting up in the edge of the bed, trying to find the willpower to go apologize to Jamie, he was sleeping in the guest room, you two having a huge argument just a few hours before. He didn’t want to leave, but you didn’t seem to want to be next to him, and he surely wasn’t going to make you sleep in a different room.

Jamie stared at you across the dining room table, trying to figure out why you were so moody tonight, yes, yes, of course he knows about pregnancy hormones. But this was different, you were quiet, and he could see the worry dancing in your eyes, and that bothered him, he tried to get it out of subtly, but you didn’t budge, you stood your ground, not wanting to admit how you felt aloud. “Baby, what’s wrong?” He finally broke and asked you bluntly, resting his elbows on the table, chin in his hand as he looked at you. He sighed when you shrugged, “nothing.” You lied. “Is everything ok?” He asked, referring to the baby, “does anything hurt?” He questioned, and that broke you. “Oh my god, Jamie! Is it always about the pregnancy? I feel like that's all I am to you now! When she’s born, am I just going to become this woman that lives in your house to take care of your daughter?” You snapped, sliding your chair back aggressively, huffing with your arms crossed over your chest, he stared at you, jaw falling slack as he tried to process what you accused him of out of nowhere. “Y/N–“ “What? Are you going to say that’s not true? It doesn’t feel like it.” You cut him off, standing up from the table, “I love you.” He called as you walked off, which his motive wasn’t to make you feel guilty, but it did. “I love you too!” You shouted, but still slamming the door shut to your master bedroom. Jamie flinching as he cleaned the table off from dinner. He gave you space, coming to check on you an hour or so later, you were in the shower, back towards him so you didn’t see him stand there for a moment, deciding what his next move should be. But when he heard you angrily close the cap to your shampoo, he decided he would give you some more time.

You pushed yourself up off the bed, sniffling as you hobbled down the hall. You were walking passed Presley’s now finished room, glancing at the go bags you had packed and ready for her arrival any day now. 38 weeks, she could come at any time now and you were as ready as ready could be. You were about to continue down the hall when you heard a soft snore come from inside the room, you furrowed your brows and tiptoed into the room, feeling immensely guilty when you saw Jamie asleep in the glider with a parenting book spread open on his chest. You carefully slipped the book from his grasp, setting it on the changing table beside him, he finally looked at ease, you were going to just leave him there to rest, but as you went to walk out of the room, Presley gave a hard kick, as if she was scolding you. “Fine, I’ll get daddy.” You spoke softly down to your bump, something you and Jamie had both begun doing constantly. It dawned on you then, as you turned to look at him, that he hadn’t done anything wrong, he was being nothing but loving towards you and the baby. Yes, he was putting an emphasis on the pregnancy, who wouldn’t? You loved when he would lay his head on your lap watching tv, and talk to your stomach, or how his hands were always rubbing on it, and the way he would always press a kiss to where she was kicking before he would go to sleep.

He was madly in love with you, and you were too in your head to notice.

You pushed his messy hair off his forehead, “Jamie?” You whispered, he nudged further into your hand, still fast asleep, “Jamie.” You spoke again, resting your other hand on his chest, lightly shaking him. He sucked in a breath through his nose as he fluttered his eyes open, “Y/N?” He whispered, blinking to adjust to the light in the room, his voice raspy. “Honey, why don’t you come to bed.” You murmured, placing your hand over his bearded jaw, he met your gaze. “Are you still mad at me?” He quipped, eyes softening as he saw the way yours were bloodshot. “No, I was being an idiot, I shouldn’t have said any of that, it’s not true.” You whispered, he nodded, not moving his head from your hand, “I’m sorry, Jamie.” You leaned down to give him a kiss that he gladly accepted, “I know, baby, don’t cry.” He smiled up at you, “I’m not crying.” You rolled your eyes sheepishly, feeling the few tears fall down your cheeks. “Come on, you’re exhausted.” He stood up with a yawn, hands on your hips as he guided you back to bed. He flicked the lights off in the nursery as he walked, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. “You know, if something’s ever bothering you, you can always tell me, and we can figure it out together.” He reminded you softly, smiling when you turned to hug him tightly. “I know, my emotions have been all over the place, I never know what’s actually bothering me or what I think it’s bothering me.” You mumbled into his chest, feeling the laughter run through him at your muffled statement. “It’s ok, sweetheart, let’s just go to bed.” He nudged you gently towards the bed, smiling when you laid facing him, you sighed in content, your belly resting comfortably on your body pillow, your eyes shutting instantly as you felt Jamie playing with your hair. “Goodnight, baby.” He mumbled, kissing your forehead before settling into his side of the bed, staying up until you were fast asleep, just admiring you, and in awe of how soon it wouldn’t just be the two of you. He was terrified and excited all at the same time.

You woke up what felt like minutes later but was actually hours, to a shooting pain in your back. You groaned, hand shooting to rub the spot, the pain easing a few moments later. You brushed it off as sleeping in an odd position, you flipped to your other side, letting your eyes shut again, but after a few minutes the pain started easing back before it had you nearly in tears. You scrambled to grab your phone, checking the time and sighing when it read two am. “Now, Presley?” You rubbed your stomach, nervously biting your lip. You decided to time the next one and see if it truly was contractions or just an odd coincidence. Jamie was still out beside you, laying flat on his stomach with half his face hidden in the pillow. You sat up against the headboard, rubbing your hands over your face as you watched the time tick away, five minutes passed and just as you thought maybe you were losing your mind, the pain came back, moving more towards your stomach. “Jamie!” You whacked his back with a pillow, sending him flying up, “what? What’s wrong?” He turned the lamp on, eyes wide as he looked at you. You didn’t speak as you had your eyes squeezed shut, a death grip on the sheets below you as the pain pushed through you. “Fuck.” You whimpered, slowly releasing the sheets as it passed. “Are you having contractions? Is it baby time?” He panicked, jumping off the bed, already throwing his pajama pants off and replacing them with real clothes. “Yeah.” You whispered, slowly sliding off the bed, you stood on your two feet shakily, Jamie coming over to grab your hands. “My water hasn’t broken, why hasn’t it broken?” You rushed, suddenly panicking over everything. Jamie shushed you, allowing you to have a death grip on his hands as he slowly walked towards the door with you. “Well, I think it just did.” He informed you as you froze, feeling the wetness go through your pants. You sighed in relief but then it set in that this was really happening, “I need to change my pants, and we need to go.” You were counting down the minutes, wanting to get changed into new pants before another contraction started. Jamie quickly helped you step out of the ones you’d been wearing before grabbing a pair of his sweatpants and shimmying them up your legs. He ran and grabbed the bags and you two were on your way.

The drive to the hospital was made in record speed, Jamie carefully but quickly getting you there, worrying every time you had a contraction and they were quickly getting closer together.

“Seven?!” You shrieked when the doctor popped up from checking how dilated you were, “you’re just speeding right along sweetie! She’ll be here before you know it!” She smiled up at your panicked face, you’d already gotten an epidural, which was thankfully helping tremendously with the pain. “Be back in an hour to check you.” She clapped her hands and was on her way, you and Jamie sitting in the hospital room, the light pouring in from outside, you’d been four centimeters when you got here, and that was only a few hours ago, the sun starting to shine as the early morning came. “She’s already impatient like me.” You sighed, leaning back against your pillows, Jamie chuckled from the seat beside you, “you say that as if you’re not ready to meet her.” He teased you, lacing your fingers together, anxiously bouncing his leg. “You’re making me nervous.” You spoke bluntly, he stopped moving his leg, “sorry.” He mumbled, knowing you weren’t meaning to be so quick with him. “I love you.” You reminded him, he chuckled, “I know, babe, I love you too.” He pressed a quick kiss to your pouted lips before urging you to get some type of rest now that the pain wasn’t so bad.

“You did this to me!” You snapped at Jamie after you gave your fifth excruciating push, suddenly now your daughter decided to be stubborn. “I know.” Is all he could say, pushing your sweaty hair back, one hand under your knee to help hold your leg back. “You’re doing so good, baby.” He encouraged you, smiling when you looked at him with worried eyes between pushes. “I can see her head, Y/N! Just a few more big pushes!” Your doctor encouraged, you let out a strangled cry before nodding, knowing you had no choice but to do it. Jamie cringed every time you pushed and your face started turning bright red, “come on! One more big push!” She encouraged you again, Jamie allowing you to grip his arm tightly as you crunched forward, giving all your strength for this last push. “Shoulders, arms and here we go, a baby girl.” Your doctor spoke, holding her up to put her on your chest as the nurse threw a towel down, using it to wipe her off as she began to cry. “Oh my god.” You cried, unable to pull your eyes off of her, Jamie was staring in awe at her, and you too. “Dad, want to cut the cord?” The doctor shook you both from your thoughts, he nodded hesitantly, she directed to him where to cut it, and he cringed as he did so, but happy that he did it. In a heartbeat he was back up by your head, watching as they took Presley off to be weighed and given a quick check up. “You did it, you did amazing.” He whispered against your forehead, not caring that you were covered in a layer of sweat. “She’s so beautiful, Jamie.” You looked up at him, feeling your heart swell with pride, “that’s all you mama.” He grinned, ducking down to kiss your lips. “All you.” He sighed, “so proud of you.”

***

Waking up to Jamie speaking to Presley was a normal occurrence, and you never got tired of it, you smiled from your place on your pillow as he held the two week old to his chest, she was looking up at him with wide eyes, Jamie had his eyes focused on her as he mumbled sweet words. Telling her how much he loved her and how beautiful she was. “Good morning.” You whispered, watching his eyes look over to you. “Morning.” He smiled, watching you sit up and scoot closer to him. “How long have you been up with her?” You ran your thumb over her chubby little cheek, smiling as she tried to look back at you. He handed her over to you, “not long, ten minutes maybe.” He shrugged, smiling as she instantly gripped your finger. “Hi baby girl.” You cooed, nuzzling your nose against hers, loving the way she would scrunch her face up when you did that. “Hey.” Jamie nudged you lightly, reaching up to grab your chin, turning you to face him, “get out of your head, yeah?” He hummed, kissing you softly, “I still love you.” He reminded you with a smile, just like you two had said only three short months ago, but it felt like forever. “I still love you too.” You responded, melting into his side as he put an arm around your shoulders, you both relishing in the quiet room before Presley would start to get fussy. That’s how most mornings went over the summer, when the season started it was hard, but you both figured it out, and you could only wish you had done that the year before, you wouldn’t have missed out on so much time with him.

But he was here now, all three of you were happy and healthy, living your lives as a family, and that’s all that really matters.

taglist: @vinceduhn​ @kempe​ @jackiesquinn​ @josty​ @kiedhara​ @literarycharleton​

#jamie benn #Jamie benn fic #Jamie benn imagine #Jamie benn imagines #dallas stars #imagine #imagines

[averyonelovesjack]

learning to raise a baby ~ daniel seavey

requested: yes:)

Can you please do an cute imagine about y/n and Daniel having a baby together and taking care of the baby and figuring the parenting stuff out together. Ur amazing

summary: follow a few different events in the life of daniel and y/n learning to raise a baby.

warning(s): baby, literally too lazy to edit this i’ll come back later lmao

word count: 2608

author’s note: i have such baby fever omg 

disclaimer: i def need to clarify that i am 18 years old and do not have a baby and i have no close friends with babies (in person, at least) therefore this is purely fiction. i watch a LOT (i mean A LOT) of family vloggers and like teen mom accounts raising their kids, so basically all of my knowledge comes from that. i hope no one takes offence to my depiction of it, but my intention is purely just to write this cute fic idea, and i don’t want to pretend like i know anything about parenting or raising a child or anything like that!! okay that’s all!!

I could barely see my feet as I painfully took in another breath of air and started walking forward. Awoken at 3am with terrible back pain and a pool of amniotic fluid at my waist, Daniel and I now rushed to grab our hospital bag and make our way to the labor and delivery section of our nearest hospital. 

everything went so fast. before i was actively having a child, it felt like my pregnancy would never end, but now that it’s actually happening and i’m having a child, it felt like pregnancy flew by.

just a few days ago, i was sitting on the countertop in my bathroom, impatiently waiting to see if i was pregnant or not in hopes that daniel wouldn’t get home from the studio early and find me. i had just given daniel the surprise of his lifetime when i woke him up at four am to tell him i was pregnant because i just couldn’t keep it from him anymore to do a fun reveal. i remember how we both cried, too excited to even go back to sleep. 

just a few days ago, daniel and i were sitting in my obstetrician’s office as we got to hear our eight week old fetus’ heartbeat for the first time. we both cried. it feels like just a day or two ago we cut into a pink colored cake and found out that our precious baby girl would be coming. all of the breakdowns about what stroller to buy and which crib matches the nursey best felt like just moments ago. and now, all of a sudden, i’m ten hours into labor and i’m ready to push.

pushing was painful, but the thought of holding a sweet babygirl soon just kept me going. daniel squeezed my hand tight, standing by the end of the bed watching our beautiful daughter make her way into the world.

i gave the final push and soon i heard a cry that made everything in the whole world worth it. they say you never truly understand love until you’ve had a child, and as soon as i held our daughter, i felt an overwhelming sense of truth in that statement. i never knew such a distinct moment could be the greatest day of my life, but as soon as i laid my eyes on her, i knew that i would never get a day greater than this one. 

our daughter laid on my chest for a while as daniel sat by my head, holding both my hand and hers. eventually, the nurses cleaned her off a bit and wrapped her tightly in a swaddle for daniel to finally hold his daughter. i watched the tears fall from his bluer than ever eyes that never left her little face. by the way she settled in his arms and fell asleep, i knew i was going to have a daddy’s little girl on our hands. 

it felt like forever, just watching daniel and our baby getting to know each other. soon enough, though, the doctors finished with the stitches and i heard a knock at the door. 

within seconds, both of our parents came into the room, bearing wide smiles. daniel sat in the seat next to me, both of us staring at the beautiful baby in front of us. 

“does she have a name?” keri asks, slowly walking up to the two of us, careful not to be too loud. 

daniel and i look at each other, and then i give him the nod to tell everyone. “callista avery mae seavey.”

“our little baby callie.” i smile at the name. daniel and i both loved the name callie, but wanted it to be a nickname. avery was after his bandmate who really helped us through this whole preparing to be parents thing. mae was a pretty nickname from my side of the family that was good to separate avery and seavey. our little callie mae. 

***

it was three am and both of us were awake to callie’s loud screaming. turns out that daniel and i had a very colicky daughter who, when awake, wanted to scream at the top of her lungs. daniel was in the nursery trying to grab more diapers and wipes that, out of exhaustion, we forgot to restock last night when we ran out. i held callie in our arms, rocking her gently and trying to get her to go back to sleep. 

“does she have a dirty diaper?” daniel asks, placing the diapers in the corner of our messy bedroom. a few days into callie’s life, we realized we should’ve left the changing table in our bedroom until she was ready to sleep in the nursey, but both of us were too tired to even think about moving the furniture around. so for now the corner of the room was storage and a changing pad on the bench was our late night changing table. 

“i don’t think so.” i answer, giving him an exhausted look. “her diaper isn’t heavy and i tried to feed her, but she doesn’t seem to be hungry. i think she just woke up and is being colicky again.”

“how long did the doctor say the colic will last?” daniel asks. 

“she didn’t.” i sigh, going to take a seat on our bed as i continued to calm callie. daniel sat beside me. “go back to sleep, i got her.”

“no, i know you’ve been awake all night. try to go to sleep, i’ve got her.” daniel says, and then takes callie from me. “did you take melatonin tonight?”

“yeah.” i say. “i know your body goes through a lot of changes postpartum, but i’m really not liking the insomnia.”

“okay, well, you lay down, and i’m gonna sing to you both, okay?” daniel says and then starts to rock callie to sleep as i laid beside them. and then he started to sing softly. 

***

callie was born a little over three months ago and daniel and i haven’t had a date night since then. when we fearfully realized that last week, jack and anna were both quick to offer some help. we hadn’t felt comfortable leaving callie yet, especially since she wasn’t always the easiest. we had lots of help and people offering, but neither daniel nor i were good at asking for help. that’s definitely something we’re both still working on, especially now that we have a baby. 

finally though, jack and anna convinced us. originally, we were going to leave them with daniel’s parents, but anna and jack were pretty convincing. jack had lots of experience since he himself is a dad, and anna was very close with gabbie when she had lavender. jack also decided to invite zach for some more company, which was cute.

daniel and i had a hard time saying goodbye to callie, even though we really were only going to be out for two hours at most. we knew neither of us could stay away for that long. 

the restaurant wasn’t too far from the house, which was nice because it cut down on our time away from callie. i think both of us were a little nervous to leave her. we both know that she’s three months old and other people are more than capable of watching her for a few hours, but it’s still hard to not be worried about all of the things we could be missing out on.

“oh my gosh, anna just sent a picture of callie.” daniel says in the middle of our dinner, holding up his phone to show up me the picture of our daughter in the adorable pajamas her aunt bought. 

“i miss her.” i admit, knowing he was feeling similarly. “do you think they had a hard time getting her to sleep? i hope she’ll be good for them tonight.”

“i’m sure she was fine.” daniel says, then later . “you know, maybe we should skip dessert. relieve them a little early.”

“she’s growing up so fast.” i tell him. “i’m not ready for her to keep growing.”

“we’re gonna blink and she’s gonna be cursing us out because we wouldn’t let her go out with her friends.” daniel continues. “not that we would do that, because honestly, i’ve always thought we’d be a little cooler than that.”

i laugh at his comment. “oh, we’ll definitely be cooler than that. we’re not gonna be the lame strict parents that doesn’t let their kids go out with their friends.”

“oh definitely.” daniel agrees. “except i will be strict about doors open if someone is over. i don’t care who she’s in her room with, but that door better be open. i am taking no chances.”

“i feel like that’s fair.” i add. “i know we’re parents, but wow, until i think about that future, i kind of forget.”

“i’m very glad that’s a long ways away.” he comments. “i’m barely ready for her to be three months old, we do not need to get ahead of ourselves. take this parenting thing one step at a time.”

“i could not agree more.” i smile, leaning over the table to kiss daniel’s lips gently. 

***

i walked out of my one year old’s nursery with her in my arms. we watched as daniel and anna hung balloons up around our california apartment. it’s just about an hour before callie’s first birthday party, and now more than ever, i could not be more grateful for daniel’s family’s offer to help us set up. 

rather than fighting with figuring out food for the party, we decided to get it catered. christian and tyler offered to go pick up the food at the restaurant for us, which was extremely helpful. his parents were setting up some decorations around the front of the apartment. 

i had just put callie in her adorable dress that i specifically picked out for this party. we weren’t the type to throw parties, so we weren’t 100% sure what to do or what to expect, but we decided to just stick to family and close friends. callie was too young for us to strictly invite her friends over. at this stage in her life, her friends were whoever was at mommy&me that week. 

the party was going to be small. daniel’s family, my family, daniel’s bandmates and close friends, and then my close friends. 

thankfully, we finished decorating and setting up with about thirty minutes left to spare before the party. rather than worry, i decided to just sit on the couch with anna and daniel. keri took callie from me, wanting to spend some time with her granddaughter, and giving daniel and i a brief break before the party started. 

“i cannot believe she’s a year old.” anna exclaims to me. “you guys have been parents for a year. that’s crazy to think about.”

“it’s definitely a little bit weird.” i giggle in response. 

“you guys make it look so easy, being young parents.” anna says. “i know i’m younger than you guys, but still, i cannot imagine having a kid anytime soon.”

“i didn’t think i would either.” i tell anna. “for me, i wasn’t really ready until i met dani. i realized that i was ready because i wanted to do this with him. it’s different for everyone, i’m sure, but at least personally, that’s how i knew we could be parents.”

daniel wraps his arm around me on the couch, kissing my cheek softly. “yeah, it’s the same for me. when you find someone you want to do everything with, it gets easier to imagine yourself parenting together.”

“that is really cute.” anna says. “this is what i mean, when i say you make it look easy!!”

“it’s definitely not easy.” i laugh. “but it’s a little bit easier when you work as a team. we talk things through and decide together, instead of just making decisions separately. it’s a lot easier to feel like you’re making the right decision when you talk things through.”

“and that is all the parenting advice you get, because while i am most definitely ready to be a dad, i am not ready to be an uncle.” daniel says, getting protective over his younger sister. 

“being an uncle is way easier than being a dad.” anna laughs. “but trust me, i’m not having kids any time soon. at least not intentionally.”

“well, i have to be the cool uncle. someone’s gotta bail the kid out of jail and hide it from you.” daniel jokes.

“first of all, why would my kid go to jail??” anna asks. “and second of all, you might’ve been first in the race for cool uncle before callie arrived, but since becoming a dad, you’ve fallen behind. the cool uncle can’t have kids, that’s not how that works.”

“well i’ll break that standard, because i’ll be the cool uncle.” 

“i just want to be the aunt that gives good advice at one o’clock in the morning.” i tell them. “someone’s gotta do it. i expect that for callie, anna, so i will do that for your kids.”

“oh, of course. nothing but the best for callie. and future kids.” anna agrees. “speaking of, future kids? any thoughts on that? mom wants me to scope that out.”

“eventually.” i smile. “sooner rather than later.”

***

daniel took callie on a walk. he’s been really adamant about spending at least thirty minutes a day on a walk with her. now that she’s getting a lot more balance and ability to take a lot more steps, he loves taking her to the playground a few blocks from our apartment. usually, i like to go with them, but today i made up an excuse about things i had to get done at home.

i felt especially grateful for that routine of his today, because i needed a few minutes to myself. i’ve been feeling particularly nauseated recently, and as soon as i woke up the other day, i could feel that i was pregnant again. in the past, i had always thought that when i was paranoid about being late, but now that i’ve actually experienced pregnancy, i can feel that there’s a little fetus inside of me.

daniel and i haven’t exactly been trying, but we haven’t been taking as many precautions as we were when callie was first born. now that she’s over a year old, we feel better about having another baby. we weren’t too rushed, because we lot spending time with just our little girl, but we didn’t want to wait too long and have her grow up without a sibling. having a sibling was always a priority of daniel and i’s. seeing as we both grew up with siblings, we know how important it is to have a sibling. 

my stomach fluttered with butterflies as i followed the instructions on the pregnancy test. after realizing i was pregnant with callie, i had bought a ton of tests that i didn’t end up using because it was so obvious that i was indeed pregnant. that was extremely helpful for right now when i don’t have time to go sit in traffic for thirty minutes just to go to the pharmacy. 

i sat on top of the counter, leaving the pregnancy test face down while i tried to scroll through tiktok and distract myself. it was probably the slowest five minutes of my life, other than finding out about callie. 

the timer went off on my phone. i take a deep breath and carefully lift the pregnancy test off the marble bathroom counter.

pregnant. 

#daniel seavey #jack avery #jonah marais #corbyn besson #zach herron #why don't we #why dont we #wdw #daniel #seavey #daniel seavey fic #daniel seavey imagine #why don't we imagine #wdw imagine #ds #ds imagine #wdw imagines #why don't we imagines #why dont we imagines #daniel seavey imagines #baby #love #romance #relationship #romantic fiction #fanfic #fallin #lotus inn #request #dani

[pandawriterstuff]

Pinehallow Summary & Character List

This is my main WIP, if I'm complaining about characters doing whatever they want, this is them.

Pinehallow Summary-Monty, an eleven year old boy who has spent most of his life traveling from place to place with his in-demand lawyer mother, Irene, is sent to live at his uncle's horse ranch because she thinks he needs roots. Used to nearly everyone but his mother not being around long enough to get to know, Monty is more than a bit uncertain about this. But in scrambling to find his place in a town different to anything he's ever known, he finds friends, both human and animal, makes discoveries, and even manages to foil a plot against Pinehallow Ranch itself.

Character List

Monty (Montgomery) Cade Waller- Main character, 11, white. Monty is curious, bright, and more than a little awkward. He has a tendency to state the obvious, which can be endearing or annoying depending on your perspective. Big vocabulary and grown-up way of speaking because he’s spent more time around grown-ups than other kids. He’s quietly stubborn, particularly when it comes to being told he’s wrong when he knows he’s right. Insecure about socializing and friendships because of constant moving and traveling. Can’t hold a grudge for the life of him, even when he likely should. He likes bugs, birds and turtles, would rather read nonfiction than a story. Fills lonely afternoons with sketching, nature sketching on the ranch.

Irene Waller- Monty’s mother, 36, white. Irene is a powerful corporate lawyer, either full of energy or exhausted, never in between. She loves using words to sway minds and deciphering documents to find exactly what the opposition doesn’t want her to find. Sometimes Irene wishes she was using her skills in more meaningful ways, but also really likes the money, the traveling, and the competition. Has an almost encyclopedic knowledge of show tunes from musicals. She has a hard time letting people get close. Would stab someone for her baby, but knows it’s better to teach him to stab for himself. Only partially joking. Dolly Parton is her hero, and as much as she loves her music, it’s Dolly the business woman and Dolly the philanthropist that she strives to emulate.

Keith Waller- Monty’s uncle, 34, white. Horse Rancher. Keith loves working hard and getting dirty, and if he’s not exhausted at the end of the day he’ll be looking for something else to push him there. Otherwise he gets antsy. Loves animals and absolutely will not tolerate anyone mistreating any of the animals on his ranch-ordinarily he’s very careful of his size and strength, in that situation, all bets are off. Times that by about ten for any of the ‘barn rats’ that help around the ranch for riding lessons/time. Loves romantic comedies and telanovas and doesn’t care who knows it. Keith doesn’t read a lot, it never came easy to him, but if he’s taking a long trip he’ll always check an audio book or two out of the library instead of just relying on the radio.

Juniper - Keith’s goddaughter, 15, white. She has a calm, confident personality with a smile for most everyone she meets. If she doesn’t have a smile for you and it isn’t because her head is in the clouds over a girl, you’ve probably earned her scorn and will be ignored as much as possible. Juniper raises rabbits and it’s taught her patience, and a lot about unfairness when a kit doesn’t make it. She helps out with riding lessons at the ranch in exchange for riding time of her own, and has become a fixture, spending more time there than she does at home, and when she can get away with it, school. Loves sunflowers and her sunflower comforter is probably her most prized possession.

Nell - Caretaker/cook for the ranch house(would cooking lunch for the workers still be a thing on a modern ranch?). 38, white(?). Not about to put up with nonsense. Will make you cookies if she doesn’t have to put up with nonsense. Please. At one point she wanted to be a chef and has a year of culinary school under her belt, but quickly decided the super fast paced and competitive environment wasn’t for her. Anything that was making her hate one of her favorite things that fast could not be good for a person. She intends to live a long, long life and that kind of stress can just walk right out of the door. Loves to go on long walks, often into the hills (BLM land) behind the ranch. (maybe she was taught/took a class on foraging, and teaches Monty to find wild onions and stuff? But this would mean *I* have to learn about foraging in Idaho.) This leads to a contented, if often silent, companionship between her and Monty, who desperately wants to explore/record/sketch everything about the natural world of his new home, particularly the parts that are off limits to him without an adult along.

Ray- Family Friend/Co-Owner of R & M General (designed to feel vintage, but shiny. Bit of a tourist stop now, they decided to lean into it.), 50, Black. He uses his background in chemistry to make amazing looking candies and chocolates, using that to deal with a time he used it in less pleasant ways when he was in the military. He never expected anybody outside of his small town, or maybe the folks at the county fair to make so much fuss over them. This might embarrass him, if he weren’t so delighted. A cheerful man with a dreamer’s heart, a magazine once referred to him as a small town Willy Wonka. He dotes on his wife, often making and gifting her small surprises. An amputee in honor of my Grandpa (missing left leg at the knee, possibly missing one arm as well, but I’m not sure how that would affect candy making.). Has certain parts of his past he just doesn’t talk about.

Mavis- Co-Owner of ____ with Ray, 48, Black. Fierce and kind in equal measures, Mavis believes in protecting what’s hers, and as far as she’s concerned the entire town of (oh my god, it needs a name) is included in that. Mavis is very selective about the battles she fights, but when she chooses one she throws herself in whole-heartedly. On several committees around town, she’d be on more, but then she wouldn’t have enough time to really get into the work of the ones she loves. She knits in her limited free time, often while listening to the news, but sometimes opera. Has started knitting stuffies in the shapes of the more unusual candies Ray makes, it’s silly, but fun, and tourists and the local kids love it. Still head over heels for Ray, even though his often dreaming about things for ages instead of just doing them is also still baffling to her.

Leanna - Juniper’s sort-of girlfriend, 15, Vietnamese. Quiet, a little cynical, but very empathetic. She avoids the news because it’s that or be mad and want to cry all the time-until she hears about something she can’t not research, and goes on a 24 hour google search and learns far more than is probably good for her about a species going extinct due to logging in prohibited areas, or genocide being covered up by claims of violent uprisings. She loves manga and comics. Leanna sometimes tries for a cottagecore* type aesthetic, but mostly thinks it's too much work. She’s starting to worry about what she’s going to do with her future, and people telling her that she’s only 15 and doesn’t have to worry about it yet is NOT HELPING.

*even though cottagecore isn’t a thing in the early-mid 2000s this is maybe/vaguely set in. Shh, let me have this. Anne of Green Gablesesque maybe?

Winnie - Leanna’s mom, 45, Vietnamese. Widow? A little ditzy, but a lot loving. Everyone in town is convinced she’s the stoner type of hippy, but no one minds as she’s someone who truly wants to know how you’re doing when she asks and strangely almost always has very spot on advice. She’s rarely on time anywhere, but that’s because she’ll have stopped to talk, and often to help, whoever she’s run into. Leanna and her bicker over this when she’s late picking her up. Always wears bright colors. Loves Agatha Christie books. Calls everyone, even people 50 years older than her, hon.

Logan - Juniper’s stepdad, 40, white. Kind of a jerk, but most of the jerky things he says are actually jokes that fall flat or have simply gotten old. Tries really hard, like *really* hard, but has a tendency to get annoyed if people don’t appreciate his efforts right away-more in his personal life than professional, possibly because of his profession. A contractor, hard worker, loyal, has worked for the same company since he was twenty even though they don’t often treat him right. Sometimes tries to buy people’s affections. Wants to have better communication with Juniper, but it’s gotten really hard the last few years and he’s never quite sure why.

Candice - Juniper’s Mom, 39, white, works at a nursery that sells seedlings and baby fruit trees, has a cheerful, calm personality, but a lot softer and more lowkey than Juniper’s version. Very house proud, but has a ‘maximalist’ approach to decorating-everything is in its place, but there are places for lots of things. Loves spending time outdoors, but would rather spend it tending her garden than hiking or riding, preferably with a cup of tea by her side. On the weekends, a fruity beer or wine instead. Wants to go on one of those train rides where you get to drink wine, eat canapes and try to solve a mystery, thinks Winnie might be a good candidate for someone to go with her.

Ura - a ‘barn rat’, 12 and a half, white(maybe a Czech immigrant? 2nd generation?) . A cheerful, rough and tumble boy who is always climbing things, and often being told to stop when he gets too high for other people's comfort. Ura is fearless when it comes to physical feats, but has a fear of ‘slimy’ things like worms and frogs. He has a thick layer of pudge and a big appetite, but is athletic and strong enough that anyone bullying him over it would be doing it at their own peril. Not that he’s the type to start fights, or even finish them most of the time. Doesn’t feel he quite fits in with his family, who are all more serious, reserved people. Redwood is his favorite of the horses, and Keith has all but given up on telling him that sitting on the floor of Red’s stall to talk to the horse isn’t exactly safe.

Elliot - Ray and Mavis’s son, Black, 19 and a college student-maybe/probably at U of I. Lives on campus, but comes home at least a couple weekends a month. Has an older car that he and Ray fixed up together, that is his pride and joy. Quiet, with an irreverent sense of humor that he unleashes somewhat at random. Interested in robotics, engines and mechanics and generally has some project he’s working on, a piece of which may or may not be in his pocket. Often has oil, grease, or ink on his hands, either from working on or designing a new project. A bit of an overachiever, he can spread himself thin trying to live up to all his responsibilities at once. He’s best friends with Randy, a friendship his parents want to disapprove of, because the few times Elliot’s gotten into trouble not only was Randy there, but 99% of the time whatever it was is Randy’s idea, but never quite manage too.

Randy - Handyman at the ranch, mixed race Hispanic and white, 21. Technically head handyman, because the old head retired six months ago, and is a little young/inexperienced for the job, but he’s not the type to back away from a challenge and has risen to the occasion beautifully. Loves rock and metal music, and spends a lot of his free weekends at concerts, the ones crammed into little venues and bars where people are practically on top of each other and the beat is so loud and solid it throbs through you, connecting you to everyone even before you hit the mosh pit, are his preference. He’s been working at the ranch since he was 16, and feels like he has a claim on it, not afraid to speak up if he thinks a decision Keith is making isn’t right or that he isn’t taking something important into consideration. Can be a bit wild when he’s not being the responsible one, definitely doesn’t always think before he acts.

Alma - Local artist/worker at R & M’s, Hispanic, 25. Alma is a painter and poet, a confident young woman who’s figured out that half of surviving as an artist is being your own agent/a salesperson as well, and in addition to several shelves at the R & M that hold postcard prints of many of her pieces, both the coffee shop and cafe have some of her larger paintings displayed, and she always has a booth at the Saturday market, though the majority of her sales come from her website. Alma is cheerful, and likes to tease, and growing up the middle child of four brothers, is very able to hold her own in verbal sparring. She’s close with her family, still living with her parents, and while at first her father was dismayed at her choice of career, he now hands out her business card to basically everyone he talks to.

Miriam - Nell’s Mom, white, 71, a little deaf, speaks loudly, partially because of the deafness, partially because she spent too long letting other people push her around and when she hit about 50 decided she was going to be the one talking over people now. She’s earned it. Age has made her more delicate than she likes, bruising and scraping easily, but she’s determined to do most things for herself. Those that are beyond her she has no problem loudly ordering someone else to take care of. Volunteers a lot, often fosters kittens for the local animal shelter. Used to chain smoke, quit when Nell was a teenager because she kept leaving pictures of diseased lungs everywhere. Still uses the candy ones as a substitute.

Places

Unnamed Town- Somewhere in Latah County, Idaho, where there is not already a town in the way. Around 200 years old and has grown and shrunk and grown again, and currently has a population of about 12,000. Having grown out from a traditional mainstreet, _______ no longer has the western style boardwalk seen in old pictures, but it does have a large cluster of local businesses and ‘hot spots’ still along that old main street, a coffee shop, a diner, a combination bookshop and independent library, a hardware store, a bar, a few places I haven’t thought of yet, and of course R & M General. There is a historical barn half a mile or so away from mainstreet that has been converted into a theater/meeting hall/dance hall, and a community center was added onto it in the early 90’s. During the summer there is a farmer’s market on the property every Saturday. The elementary school and junior high are all on one property, several miles out of town, because the majority of families live on farms, ranches or small rural properties rather than in one of the neighborhood clusters in the town itself. The junior high is 7th, 8th and 9th graders, in a newer two story building, and the elementary school is divided into lower and upper elementary with the bracket shaped building basically being cut in half, K-3 on one side and 4-6 on the other. The high school is outside of town on the other side by several miles, and actually serves kids from another town(s) as well. There is also a trailer park with about forty units, not exactly sure where it is yet, but Miriam(Nell’s Mom) lives there. There is also an animal shelter, a vet’s office, a cemetery, and a couple churches, and I’m sure more things to come.

R & M General (working title?)- Ray and Mavis’s store, a general store with a candy focused twist. A vintage Pepsi sign, neon still bright, and a charming green glass juke-box filled with hits from the 1940’s onward grace the front porch of the R & M, along with a long bench that locals are encouraged to use for a spell or to listen to a couple songs, provided they can behave themselves (teenagers arguing over who their favorite member of the rat pack is might be amusing, considering they were already ‘mom and dad’, or at least older brother and sister, music by the time Mavis and Ray were teenagers, but when they get loud it also gets annoying.). The store itself still has the original wooden counter up front and built-in shelves along the walls, but all refinished and polished to a high shine. A mixture of display types going down the middle of the store, barrels and baskets filled with skeins of colorful yarn and cloth or Mavis’s knitted stuffies(and during winter sometimes socks and mittens), other sewing and craft supplies, display racks with local arts, postcards and carvings, sometimes wind up toys made by Elliot, and of course many, many displays of candies and chocolates. They also have a lot of dry goods, and some of the simpler candy types have little instruction booklets and the ingredients it takes to try out making them yourself stocked in the same display, drink coolers, and sometimes have local produce available. Basically, they have a bit of everything, except for building equipment/home repair supplies, and that’s because of the hardware store across the street.

Pinehallow Ranch-A sprawling 100 acre ranch in Latah County, Idaho where the Waller family has been doing something or other with horses for four generations now. Originally it was a horse breeding ranch, but Keith and Irene’s grandfather felt the money was in training horses, and offered boarding as well, and Keith has continued to build that up, offering lessons for a variety of styles, ages, and skill levels. Butting up against BLM land that allows additional grazing and trail riding, the ranch has four pastures, a large corral, a medium sized indoor arena and two horse barns, one for boarded horses and one for the ranch's own stock, and an equipment barn, an old bunkhouse that is mostly used to store feed-though Randy has slept there when in between places, mostly unbeknownst to Keith-and some smaller equipment sheds, placed where they’re needed. The main house is an L-shaped ranch house with a porch that goes around the entire long front of the house with a large herb/kitchen and rock garden arranged around that. There are treed pockets scattered here and there, left alone as the rest of the ranch was developed, but the creek Monty and Juniper sometimes hang out at is on BLM land, as is most of the forested area around the ranch.

Pinehallow Taglist @sleepysera @enchanted-lightning-aes @odysseywritings @thegreatobsesso @writing-is-a-martial-art and @hiitsolivia If anyone else wants to be added just interact with the post :) (My more advanced tumblr knowledge has led me to believe this is better than asking people to reblog/comment to be added, but if I'm wrong just let me know.)

#character list #oc list #someday I'll do a proper series introduction #and an introduction for me #but today is not that day #pinehallow ranch #original writing #I tend to build my world around the characters #backwards I know

[jjungkookislife]

The Roommate: Epilogue

pairing: vmin x reader, ex-bf kook x reader

genre: roommate au, smut 18+

wc: 3.1k

warnings: cursing, time skips, some dirty talk, jimin’s a tease, some angst, heartbroken kook :(, honest kook, oral sex (f. receiving), allusions to threesome?, promises of forever 

a/n: hi!  it’s been a year since i’ve updated! this has been a long time coming and im sorry for taking so long but i have a love/hate relationship with this story.  it kinda got a mind of its own and turned into a vmin love story instead of jungkook, which is why there’s a JJK version.  as sad as I am to see this end, it feels like there’s a weight off my shoulders.  thank you to everyone who read it and commented, it means the world to me.  I love you all!

date: November 15, 2020

“She’s so tiny!” You coo as you hold baby Eun-ji in your arms three months later.  Jungsook hadn’t wanted too many people around the baby, but now that she was older and had some vaccines under her belt, she allowed you all to visit. 

You rocked the infant in your arms, your chest filling with warmth as your eyes shined with giddiness.  Jimin smiles as Taehyung wraps an arm around his waist, pulling him flush against his side.  

They both watched you gush over the infant, looking at each other before blushing. Maybe someday the three of you would be parents as well. 

This was the first time all of you had been in the same room together, and Jungkook was surprised he wasn’t upset at seeing the three of you together.  If anything, it made him happy to see all of you.  

“Here,” you whisper as you turn to Jimin, passing him baby Eun-ji.  He holds her, cooing at her as a bright smile appears on his lips as he looks from Eun-ji to Taehyung.  

“She’s beautiful,” he murmurs as he rocks her in his arms, singing softly to her before looking up to take a picture.  He then passes the baby to Taehyung, who lights up like a Christmas tree.  

“She’s so tiny and cute,” he chuckles as he looks at Jimin.  “I love her already.”

You all laugh, taking pictures of each other holding the baby before Jungkook gets a turn.  He sits on the rocking chair, scared he may actually drop her, but you reassure him he won’t as you kneel in front of him.  

“You’re doing well, Kookie.  Relax,” you murmur as you look at Eun-Ji then up at him. He smiles softly at you, mouthing thanks as he goes back to gently rocking the baby.  You place your hands on his knees, watching the baby squirm in his arms, and your heart feels like it’s going to burst from happiness.  

“Jungkook’s a natural,” Jin chuckles from his spot beside Jungsook, who nods in agreement. 

Jungkook holds her a little longer before handing her off to you. He looks at Taehyung and Jin asking, “ready?”

“Yeah, I just need to get my toolbox from the garage,” Jin says as his two friends follow him out of the room to the garage.  

“Oh, she’s so adorable!” you gush as you coo at Eun-Ji, her small hand gripping your pinky as you take a seat in the rocking chair.  Jung-sook hovers nearby, smiling but apprehensive despite knowing you’d never drop her child.

“She is, isn’t she?” Jimin whispers as he wraps his arm around you as you hold the baby, rocking her gently.  Taehyung walks by the doorway on his way to the nursery, a smile on his lips as he watches the two of you, having held the baby first and longer than the both of you.   His heart skips a beat as he watches the two of you with baby Eun-Ji.  Jin appears behind him, placing a hand on his shoulder, “it’ll happen for you.”

Jungkook watches the exchange, smiling.  He’s genuinely happy for the three of you, no longer holding malice for the way things ended.  He realized the three of you belonged together.  Who was he to stand in the way of that?

“Would you mind watching her so I can shower?  I promise I’ll be quick,” Jungsook pleads and you nod, telling her to take her time.  She thanks you before she makes a mad dash for the bathroom, the door shutting after her. 

“She’s such a cutie,” Jimin coos, squatting beside you to get a better look at the baby.  His heart thumps erratically in his chest. Was this in your future with them?

Jimin hoped so.  

“Do you want to hold her?” You ask him, he looks at you nervously before nodding.  You carefully rise from the chair, telling him to have a seat before you place the baby in his arms.  

“She’s so little,” he whispers, his eyes on the baby’s face before he looks up at you with a dazzling smile. 

“Do you want kids?” You find yourself asking as you take a seat on the bed. 

“Someday,” Jimin grins.  “Do you?”

“Yeah, someday,” you mirror his smile as you take a seat on the bed.  You watch Jimin rock the baby in his arms, softly singing to her.  

“Someday.”

“I’ll get it!” You called as you ran down the hallway toward the front door.  

“I wasn’t rushing to get it,” Jungkook chuckles from his spot on the couch as you open the door with a smile on your face.  

“Jimin!  Tae! You’re actually on time!” You exclaim as you let them in.  

“You know, we’re not always late,” Jimin huffs as he takes a seat on the couch beside Jungkook. 

“Yeah, Jimin managed to get out of bed today,” Taehyung teases as he wraps an arm around your shoulders to pull you to his side.  

“Anyway, the rest of the guys should be here soon.  Jungsook is staying behind with baby Eun-ji, but Jin said he’d definitely be here,” Jungkook interrupts, you nod as you and Tae go to the kitchen to grab the menus. 

“Pick something while I finish setting up,” you hand the menus to Jimin and Jungkook as you go to your bedroom to grab a few blankets and cushions.  

“Can you bring my blanket too?!” Jungkook yells from the living room.  You roll your eyes but stop in his bedroom to grab his blanket before making your way to the living room.  You toss everything on the recliner before handing Jungkook his blanket, which he thanks you for as you place the blankets on the floor in front of the TV.  

The door opens and in come Hoseok, Yoongi and Namjoon.  You greet them all as they pile into the living room to pick their seats.  Taehyung offers to grab the snacks from the kitchen as the door opens one more time as Jin walks in. 

“Hey,” he smiles brightly as he shuts the door after him, taking a seat beside Yoongi.  

“Hey, glad you could make it,” Jungkook smiles as you take your seat beside him.  

Namjoon looks over at the two of you, smiling to himself.  He’s glad all of you could finally hang out all together with no tension.  He wasn’t sure that would ever happen again, and the rest of his friends all felt the same way.  

Yoongi looks at Namjoon, elbowing him in the ribs, “quit staring.  You’re gonna make it weird, and I just got here.”

“I’m not staring… I’m admiring.”

“You’re gonna admire my foot in your ass if you make things weird,” Yoongi hisses in response.

“Kinky,” Hoseok smirks.  Namjoon rolls his eyes.

“What are you guys whispering about?”  Jin asks as he lays down across Yoongi’s lap.  Yoongi resists the urge to push him off, noting how tired the eldest man looks.  Instead, he runs his fingers through his hair.  Jin sighs, “I’m so tired.”

“Sleep,” Jimin tells him.  You nod in agreement.

“Nah, I’m good.” Jin yawns within a few minutes, he’s sound asleep.

Jungkook turns the volume down a bit, as to not wake him as the rest of you continue to talk in quiet voices, ordering dinner.

“How about next time, we do it at our house?”  Taehyung asks tentatively.

Jungkook’s brows furrow, voice soft as he asks, “what’s wrong with my house?”

Taehyung’s eyes widened, “n-nothing! Nothing, we just haven’t been able to host since…” 

Jimin clears his throat awkwardly, looking at you.

“That’s a good idea!  We can all take turns hosting,” Hoseok pipes in with a grin, Taehyung sends him a grateful smile.

“Oh yeah, that sounds good,” Namjoon agrees and Yoongi nods beside him.  Jungkook nods, finally agreeing.  You’re glad an argument hasn’t broken out; things were still rocky but were on the road to improvement.

“Are you sleeping over this weekend?”  Taehyung asked as he held your right hand while Jimin held your left, the three of you making your way down the driveway.  You move to stand beside their car by the passenger door.

Jimin places his hands on your hips, pulling you into him.  His lips brush the sensitive skin of your neck, “we miss you.”

“I miss you too,” you admit, reaching out for Taehyung.  

Your lips meet Tae’s, kissing him before kissing Jimin.  A gasp escapes your lips when Jimin nips at your bottom lip, tugging it before stepping back with a smirk.

Your fingers press against your lips, heat rushing to your cheeks, “Jimin!”

“Sorry, I couldn’t resist.” he apologizes with a giggle.

Taehyung chuckles, his arms wrapping around you to hold you tight.  He kisses your cheeks, then your nose and finally your lips, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” you say, kissing him once again.  He steps closer, his body pressed against yours as your back meets the car door.  His hands cup your face, holding you as your fingers embed themselves in his hair, tugging it.

“Fuck,” he curses, kissing you deeper.  His lips trail kisses to your jaw and down to your neck, where he nips at the flesh.

You melt beneath his touch, your body burning with desire.

“Alright, lovebirds.  We gotta go before you fuck her on the car,”  Jimin interrupts and you smile, shaking your head.

“Like you haven’t done that before,” you state with a smug smile.

Jimin steps closer to you, Tae steps aside.  The dark look in Jimin’s eyes sends a tremor down your spine and excitement fills your stomach.

“I’ll do it again, baby.  Don’t tempt me,” you bite your lip at his words.  

Jimin smirks, his fingers gripping your chin to get you to meet his gaze, “would you like that?  Would you like me to bend you over the hood of the car?  Spread you open for me while I get on my knees to eat you out until you’re fucking my face?  Do you want all the neighbors to hear you screaming my name as I bury my cock in that tight cunt?  Fucking you until you cum wrapped around me and fall on the hood?”

Taehyung’s gaze darkens, swallowing thickly as he watches the both of you.  Your eyes glazed with lust, nodding at Jimin with a pleading look.

“Too bad we have to go home, princess.”  Jimin lets you go, grinning madly as he kisses your cheek and goes around to the driver’s side to get in the car.

You look at him, mouth agape.

Taehyung chuckles, kissing your forehead, “goodnight, baby.  We’ll text you when we get home.  Love you.”

“Love you,” you respond as you move aside to let him get in the car.  You wave as they leave, turning to go back inside, flustered.  Damn your tease of a boyfriend.

“You okay?”  Jungkook asks as he finishes cleaning up the living room.  You blanched, nodding as you step out of his way, following him to the kitchen.

“Yeah, just tired.  I would have helped you clean,” you say as you take a seat at the dining table.

“It wasn’t much, Namjoon helped.”

You nod as you get up to open the door for him to throw the trash out.  You look up at the moon.  You wrap your arms around yourself.

“It’s so beautiful,” you whisper.

Jungkook looks at you, your face illuminated by the full moon.  He swallows, clearing his throat before muttering a “yeah.”

You’re silent for a moment, “do you regret it?”

Jungkook’s brows raise, “w-what?”

“Do you regret ever getting involved with me?”  You ask, looking away from him.  He shoves his hands in the pockets of his sweatpants.  He bites his bottom lip; he’s not sure what to say.

“You can be honest, you know.  I know what I did to you, Jimin, and Tae was shitty…”

Jungkook still hesitates.

“Forget I said anything,” you apologize after.  Inhaling deeply before turning to head back inside the house.

“I do.  I did…”  Jungkook finally admits.

You turn to face him, your heart sinking in your chest.  Jungkook avoids your gaze, turning to look at the moon instead.

“I wish... I wish we had just left it as friends.  Or at least just fucked to get it out of our systems.  I don’t know, Y/n.  I just…”

You wait for him to continue.

“I just wish things could have been different.  Maybe if we hadn’t wanted more, we could have been best friends.”  You nod.

“Don’t get me wrong though,” he says.  “We’re still friends, but there’s a lingering ache whenever I see you.  Knowing what we were and what we had... what we could have been...” Jungkook shakes his head, he would not delve back into those useless thoughts.  “It’s better this way though, in a way.  At least I know we wouldn’t have amounted too much…”

You wrap your arms around yourself.

“I knew all this pursuing you though, so I guess that’s my own fault.  However, I am happy for you.  You’re happy with them and they’re happy with you.  Everyone can see how much you all love each other, and that alone is enough for me.  Make each other as happy as possible, love each other deeply and take care of each other.  That’s all I can ask of you now.  You deserve happiness.”

“Jungkook…”

“Come on, it’s late.  Let’s go inside.”

You blink, agreeing as you follow him back inside.  You grab him by the arm, making him turn to look at you.

“For what it’s worth, you deserve happiness as well.”

Jungkook bites his lip, nodding before leaving you alone in the kitchen.  The door of his bedroom slams shortly after.  

It was going to take a lot of work to mend your relationship with him, but with everything out in the air, you were sure you could fix it… or at least make it more bearable for the both of you.

“You couldn’t have come out sooner?” Taehyung complains as Jungkook comes out of the house, rolling his eyes.

“I wanted to see how long it’d take you to come get me,” Jungkook shrugs as he helps Taehyung move your mattress out of the moving truck.

“You’re evil,” Taehyung huffs as the two of them walk past you and Jimin to get into the house.

“I don’t know why you need your mattress,” Jimin says as he walks to the moving truck to grab a box to carry inside.

“To put in the spare room for now, plus I like it,” you tell him as you follow him inside where Jungkook is waiting on Taehyung to recover from his exertion.  The mattress blocks the hallway.  Jungkook points at Tae, “his fault.”

“Get it out of my hall, please,” Jimin demands before walking past them with his box.  You follow him to your bedroom.  Boxes litter your floor, most of them being clothing.  You had mainly used the bedroom as a closet, deciding to sleep with your boyfriends in the other room instead.

It had been six months, and as your relationship with them grew more serious, you found it easier on you and them if you moved in.  It was hard to sleep without them every night and Jungkook had noticed your restlessness, the sad look in your eyes when you’d go to bed after wishing them goodnight.

In fact, he was the one who suggested you move in with them, not wanting to see you, his friend, so despondent after they left for the night.  Jimin and Taehyung had agreed excitedly, and now Jungkook was helping you move into their home.

“Alright, there are a few more boxes and then we’re returning the truck,” Jungkook informs you as he pops his head into your room, where you’re ripping the tape off a box.

“Thanks!  Don’t forget, we’re doing movie night at 7.” You remind him and he nods.  

“I gotta go home to shower, but I’ll be back,” Jungkook waves before he goes back outside to unload the truck with Jimin and Taehyung.  You can hear them laughing and joking around when they come back inside, depositing your boxes in your room.

“Come on, Tae.  We gotta take the truck back and I need you to drive my car.”

“Do I have to?” Tae pouts as he wipes the sweat from his brow.

“Yes, you do.” Jungkook throws Taehyung over his shoulder, waving at you and Jimin as Tae admits defeat and doesn’t struggle at all to get out of Jungkook’s hold.

You shake your head at their shenanigans, thankful they’ve gotten back to that level of friendship once again.

That night, you’re curled up in bed with Taehyung.  His lips gently kissing yours as his hand cups your cheek.  The two of you waiting on Jimin to get out of the shower, exhausted from hosting movie night.  You were all thankful to be in bed rather early.

That was mostly because of Jungsook, Jin, and Eun-Ji having to go home.  You had spent most of the night cooing and holding Eun-Ji, helping her stand, and to your surprise, she took her first steps in the living room, making everyone cheer.

Your heart had filled with warmth at the scene, wondering what it would be like to see your own child do that.  

“What are you thinking about?”  Taehyung asks, noting the distracted way in which you kiss him back.

“Our future,” you admit with a shy smile.

“What about it?”  Jimin asks as he enters the bedroom with his hair damp and a towel wrapped around his waist.

“I just wonder what it holds for us.  I want to be with both of you forever,” you tell them as Jimin sits beside you, cupping your face to kiss you before kissing Taehyung.

“I’m both of yours forever,” he assures you, kissing you both again.

“So am I,” Taehyung agrees easily, sealing his words with a kiss to you and Jimin.  You grab both of their hands, promising yourself to them forever as well.

“Forever,” Jimin loves the sound of that, grinning as he kisses Taehyung deeply, then you.  His towel comes undone, falling to the floor as Taehyung and Jimin climb over you, both kissing your body.  Soft moans escape you, your fingers weaving in their hair as you try to hold them in place.

Taehyung claims your lips, holding you tight as Jimin kisses his way down your body.  A delighted sigh escaped your lips, not too long after as your legs are spread and placed over his shoulders; one of your hands embedded in his hair.

Taehyung smirks.  You’re so overwhelmed by their love, it fuels a fire deep inside you as you kiss Taehyung.  His soft lips move perfectly with yours, capturing each of the moans that Jimin draws from you.

His heart beats in tandem with yours, each of his kisses a promise to love the two of you for as long as he shall live.

Taehyung’s eyes meet yours, his sincerity obvious as he whispers, “forever.”

© jjungkookislife - I do not allow reposts or translations of my work on any platforms, this includes Youtube.

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#bangtanarmynet #bts fanfiction #maknae line fanfic #jimin x reader #taehyung x reader insert #jungkook x reader #vmin x reader #bts poly au #ex-boyfriend!jungkook #jungkook angst #vmin fluff #the roommate jjk

[enthusiasticharry]

Baby Steps

summary: you’re harry’s sons therapist, and he isn't the only one you end up helping.

word count: hi! it has been a long while since I’ve posted on here so I hope you enjoy this 8.6k piece of pure fluff and smut!

masterlist  |    asks

As a child, Harry had never been given many opportunities to freely express himself. He grew up in a rural area where the sheep overruled the people and the only extra-circular activity available was playing football at the park with his friends that weren’t truly his friends. He was only a mere teenager when he decided that whenever he had kids, he would give them as many opportunities as possible. 

He tried in school, don’t discourage him about that, but it didn’t work out as planned. That’s how he ended up working within the company he did. He started from the bottom, working 9 to 5 within a cubicle everyday until he had worked up to become chief editor. He had his own office, with his name written on a plaque upon the door and his photos sat upon the desk. It made day to day that little bit more enjoyable.

“Finishing early today, Mr. Styles?” Genevieve asked, watching as he closes his door behind him. 

“Yes, I am.” He smiles politely, “It’s been in the calendar for weeks.” 

“I’ve noticed.” He knew she hadn’t. Genevieve was okay at her job, he supposed. She was an apprentice the company had hired straight out of university and of course he didn’t mind that she was still finding her feet, “Enjoy your evening, Mr. Styles.” 

“You too, Genevieve.” He nods his head at the girl and walks towards the exit. 

At the ripe age of twenty-eight, Harry knew that he still had his entire life ahead of him but at the same time he was pretty content. He had his job, his small town house and more importantly his son, Theo. He hadn’t expected his girlfriend of a couple of months to get pregnant but in his mind he knew what had happened and that it was something that the two of them had to take responsibility for, but she didn’t think the same thing. Harry had loved her, and he had hoped that she had loved him and their son as much as he did but it just wasn’t meant to be. He had suspected that she was going to leave, he just hadn’t expected it to be in the middle of the night whilst their son was a month old and still nursing. 

It was the following morning that Harry knew that he was going try his damned hardest to be the best Father possible for his son, try to give him the world and everything good that came along with it. 

“Harry!” Mrs. Walters, the woman who lives next door exclaims as she throws the door open, “Please come in.” 

“Hi Mrs. Walters.” He smiles, following the elderly woman into the living room, “Has he been good today?” 

“We had a little disagreement at nap time but apart from that he’s been perfect!” 

“I’m glad to hear it. He’s never been the biggest fan of naps.” 

Just seeing Theo’s little face light up as he walked into the room was enough reason to keep his heart beating for centuries. Theo was the absolute double of Harry, and he could even see it himself. Even at three years old he had his father’s green eyes and curly brown hair and it was another thing that caused his love for his little man to grown everyday.

“Dada!” He toddled over to his father, only just starting to feel confident upon his feet, and wrapped his arms around Harry’s legs, his chunky cheeks pressed against his shin. 

“Hi bubba.” He picks his son up and rests him upon his hip, “Did you have a nice day with Mrs. West?” 

Theo nods and drops his head down upon Harry’s shoulder with a light sigh of content.

“He’s been amazing, Harry, don’t worry.” The older woman drops her head to Harry’s free shoulder, “I’ll see you two tomorrow.” 

“See you tomorrow, Mrs. West.” 

Theo’s little hand rests comfortably within Harry’s as they walk through the door of community centre, his little feet tapping upon the wood in his trainers. 

“Harry! Theo!” You exclaim, walking over to the two of them with a large smile across your face, “I’m so glad you could make it this week!” 

“Yeah. Sorry about last week, I couldn’t get out of work on time and then once I did he wasn’t in the best of moods.” 

“Don’t worry about it! It’s totally fine, we understand that you can’t make every week.” 

Harry nods his head. 

“Anyway.” You have a nice smile and it was probably the first thing that Harry noticed about you when you met, “We’re just about to get started.” 

Harry sits down, crossing his legs as he does so. Theo drops down upon his father’s lap straight afterwards, his face pressed into the material of Harry’s crisp white dress shirt. Harry’s eyes bounce to look over the other children, the ones who acted similarly too Theo when they first joined. They all either sat in their parents laps comfortably or on the floor now, not one with a flicker of anxiousness across their features.

Theo and Harry have attended three of these sessions to help with confidence, and Theo had only just started to leave his shell in the last twenty minutes of the last session they went to and now it felt as though Harry had messed everything up again. He felt as though they were back to square one.

Then he feels a hand upon his shoulder. 

“Its okay.” You smile, squeezing gently, “He’ll be okay, don’t worry.” 

He will be, Harry knows that. 

Another week had passed and Harry was yet again sat in a circle in the children’s room of the community centre with Theo sat upon his lap. Harry felt a little more at ease this week, since his little boy sat forward with a small, very small smile on his lips as he looked at… you? You hadn’t been there to greet them like you were last week, and he certainly hadn’t had the chance to say hello yet. It had been a warm-ish day today and Harry concluded that was probably why you were wearing a cute yellow sundress with small white flowers on it, something he had never seen you in before. You still wore your smile, Harry had noticed. 

“Today.” You always overplayed your facial features to interest the children, “We are all going to write a story together.” 

Theo’s little eyes widened in excitement. 

“You like that idea, bub?” Harry whispered. Theo nodded. 

“So I’ll start.” You touch your chest, “Then we’ll pass to Edith’s mummy and then Edith and we’ll continue that way around the circle!” 

Harry and Theo would be third, which wasn’t too bad. He just hoped that Theo would get involved, he loved stories enough to have a mind spiralling with ideas. 

“Once upon a time, in a land far, far away there lived a princess…” You start, smiling to the person next within the circle. 

“…in a big castle with a swimming pool!” 

“She has dog!” 

“…called muffin who she loves to play with in the…” 

“Park!” 

“Then.” Harry started, leaning so that he was speaking to Theo as well as the rest of the group, “One day, something magical appeared in front of her…”

“Dinosaur!” 

Harry beams and whispers, “Well done Theo!”

The story finishes with the princess riding the dinosaur along a rainbow, courtesy of the little girl called Tara who finishes the circle. Normally the children disperse the last twenty minutes or so to play amongst themselves whilst the adults talk about what type of week they’ve had. They were doing just that, but today, Harry’s heart stopped at the sight of his little boy sat with little Tara drawing at the tiny desk when usually he just does that on his own. 

Harry had honestly never thought that he would be going to group behavioural therapy for his three year old son, but, he promised he would do anything for his little boy.

“Hi everyone.” They were now sat around a table, one fit for adults, whilst a few of your colleagues watched the children, “I’m excited to hear how all your weeks have been!”

Tara’s mum starts, explaining that this week the nursery had phoned up to explain that she hadn’t spoken to anyone at lunchtime but there had been the odd time where she’d had a small conversation with a couple of classmates. 

Harry listens to a few others. How Ryan had bit a kid at school the other day, how Delilah refused to say anything for a couple of days that week. Harry had never experienced Theo biting or injuring other kids but he had experienced him shutting down and not speaking to anyone. 

“Harry.” You smile, “How has little Theo been this week?” 

“He’s, uh, been okay I suppose.” He runs his finger across his bottom lip, “Nothing out of the ordinary. Had an odd hour or so yesterday.” 

“Has he made any friends at nursery, yet?” 

“No. I don’t think so. I’m trying to get him in everyday but it’s proving to be difficult.” 

You smile, “He’ll get there Harry. It might take him a bit longer than normal but he will get there.” 

After listening to the other parents, the meeting for that week finishes. Harry waits for Theo to finish his drawing before helping him into his coat. Your words pondered through his mind — he certainly hoped that Theo would get better but it was a walk, not a sprint. 

“Hi Theo.” You beam as you walk towards the two, “Can I see your drawing?” 

After a few moments of contemplation, he passes the drawing to you.

“Wow! It’s beautiful! Can you draw me one whilst I talk to your Daddy?” 

Theo listens to your request and starts on the drawing straight away, picking up colour after colour whilst Harry looks at you with furrowed eyebrows. 

“I just wanted to have a quick word, nothing bad, I promise.” 

Harry nods. 

“Theo is making excellent progress in the program and I’m sure you’ve seen the results for yourself but as you know he is going a little slower than the rest of the kids.” 

“If this is because we missed one then it’s completely my fault—”

“It’s not! Don’t think that, it’s not!” You’re quick to say, “I was thinking the other day of ways to help and I remembered that my friend runs a group at the weekend for children that are struggling to cope with the loss of a parent.” 

“But I thought he was too young to be affected by that?” 

“I thought so too but I did some more research and even though he was very, very young when his mother left, it could still be affecting him.” You swallow and tuck a piece of your hair behind your ear, “He will have noticed that he doesn’t have two parents and that could be the stem of all of the problems.” 

Of course this had run through Harry’s mind a few time but he always brushed it off because he was so young when it happened. The fact that woman might be the reason his son was so quiet and not himself all of the time caused his stomach to flip. He hadn’t seen her since that night but she was still affecting him day upon day and he hated it. 

“When is this group?” 

“Oh!” You exclaim, happy that he hadn’t just shut the idea down, “It’s on Saturday at ten whilst twelve but you can come and go as you please.” 

“Will you be there?” Why had he just asked that? He probably sounded like such a weirdo. 

“I will.” You smiled, “Just for you.” 

Harry certainly hadn’t expected to spend his Saturday morning sat at upon a bench outside the community centre watching Theo play with other kids. He was surprised how easily Theo had left his shell around all of these kids but he supposed they all had something in common, that they were raised by only one parent. 

Another thing he hadn’t expected was to be sat sharing the said bench with you, but he wasn’t complaining. 

“Black coffee.” You smile, holding out the cup for him to take. 

“Thank you.” 

“It’s no problem.” You take a sip of your own cup of tea, “He seems to be doing well.” 

“I’m really surprised. The last time I saw him gel to someone so quickly was when he met our neighbour, Mrs. West.” 

You smile, “It’s good. You’ll be able to figure out which group works the best for you both.” 

“Will you be here every week?” 

Is he flirting? You certainly weren’t complaining, anyone with eyes could see that Harry is a very handsome man but never in a million years did you think that he would be flirting with you. Maybe he wasn’t even flirting and you were just letting your imagination run a little too wild. 

“I—”

“I’m sorry.” He’s quick to say, “What I meant is that he’s comfortable around you, and I would hate for him to loose that sort of comfort.”

“I completely understand.” You nod. So he wasn’t flirting with you. There was a part of you that was sort of disappointed and wished that he had been flirting with you, “Well he seems to be enjoying himself here so how about we slowly introduce him to just coming here. I’ll come for the first couple of weeks so that he’s comfortable.” 

“Thank you. I haven’t said that enough but I honestly can’t thank you enough for what you’re doing for my son.” 

“It’s my job, Harry. I do this for a reason.” 

“But you didn’t have to do this. Spend your Saturday morning sat on a bench with me to make sure that Theo is okay. You didn’t have to do this.” 

“But I am. I’m doing it because I care about that little boy and I want him to get better. And you’re certainly not bad company.”

Harry smiles and looks away. It probably makes it more obvious that his cheeks are flushing at her words. You have always made Harry nervous, even from the first meeting when he asked whether you could help his son. Was it wrong? Probably. Did he care? No, as far as he knew this crush was harmless and it wasn’t as though it was reciprocated he supposed. 

“I know I’m not as exciting at Theo but I do try.” 

“I can tell.” You smile, “Was he okay at nursery yesterday?” 

“The same I think. Nursery didn’t say anything when I picked him up and they usually do if something happened. Good or bad.” 

“That’s good. Some will just ignore the problem. I’ve helped a few parents who have struggled with that.” 

“I’m lucky.” He nodded, “We’re lucky.” 

“How are you?” 

“I’m fine. Theo’s getting better, that’s the most important thing.” 

You sigh, “Not Theo. How are you?” 

“I’m getting there. I’m taking each day as it comes, I suppose.” 

“Do you have people that you talk to?” You ask before immediately trying to retract your question, “I understand if you don’t want to tell me. I can be nosey sometimes.” 

“No. It’s fine.” He coughs to clear his voice, his eyes watching as Theo sits in the sand pit with a bucket and spade, “I talk to my mum and sister if there’s anything really wrong.” 

“Nobody else?” You’re daring, and your eyebrow raises in nervousness. 

“I’m single if that’s what you’re asking.” He chuckles. 

Your eyes bug, “Well I—”

“Its okay, YN.” He laughs now, his dimples deepening, “Are you single?” 

“I am.” You smile, “I’m glad you have someone to talk to that isn’t your three year old son. It’s important.” 

“I know. I kept a lot of it to myself at the start and just tried to be the best that I could be for Theo but it hit a point where I needed help, and I knew I did.” 

“It’s commendable that you did that. Too many single parents try to do it on their own and it just doesn’t work. It not only causes them to fizzle out but it causes strain on the kids.” 

“Have you got children?”

“No.” Your lips curl, “I just enjoy working with them — to a degree obviously.” 

A chuckle passes. It’s at this point that Harry realises that this is the first conversation you have had with him that passes the point of being somewhat professional. You’re dipping your toes in the idea of the conversation being about getting to know each other rather than being about Theo or any information about the group. 

“I can’t imagine.” 

“You never know what the days going to hold when you walk through the door. They say to never work with children and animals.” You laugh, “Where you do you work?” 

“I work at a publishing company. I’m the chief editor. It’s not the best but it pays the bills.” 

“It sounds very interesting.” 

“It isn’t. The amount of articles about interior design I read on a weekly basis is sort of absurd.” 

“Interior design?” 

“I work for an interior design magazine. I probably should’ve explained that first.” 

You giggle, “I bet your house is immaculately decorated.” 

“To a degree.” He chuckles, “Living with a three year old sort of means you’re house always looks like a bomb has hit it.” 

“I can imagine.” 

“I wouldn’t change it for anything. Yeah it is a mess but it isn’t too bad and he’s leaning that he won’t get treats if he doesn’t clean up after himself.”

“Nice. I’m sure that works a treat.” 

“It does.” He laughs, “Literally.”

“He’s a good kid, Harry. You can tell. He’ll be perfectly fine.”

You keep saying that. 

Harry received a message the following Wednesday around lunch time that he hadn’t expected. He was just about to tuck into the salad he had pre-made this morning fort lunch when his phone lit up on the desk. A small message box covers up his wallpaper which was a photo of Theo in the bath, bubbles on his head in a cone shape and upon his chin like a beard. 

Hi Harry, Its YN. I promise I’m not weird I just got your number of the system to send this. I’m just letting you know that tonight’s group is cancelled, I’m bunged up with a cold and would hate to pass it onto any of the kiddies :) Hope you are well.

Hi YN. I’m sorry to hear that. I hope you feel better soon. See you next week. H. 

Harry couldn’t hide that he was a little disappointed. He was starting to enjoy going to the centre every week. He could say that it was because his son was slowly coming out of his shell, and that was part of it, but ever since your conversation he had that one weekend he enjoyed the few words you spoke to each other. 

If he was more confident in the way you felt about him, he probably would’ve messaged to ask if you needed anything bringing but he thought that it would’ve been a little bit odd. Hopefully in the future it wouldn’t be as odd. 

\\

“You can’t eat your chips yet, buddy, they’re too hot.” Harry explains, picking a couple of the chips from Theo’s plate and blowing on them. The young boy sat and watched his father, waiting for his chips before chewing them happily. 

“Oh! Harry!” 

You’re stood with a drink in your hand, jeans and a floral blouse hanging loosely upon your figure. You looked cute and cuddly, something that Harry had missed seeing over the past week or so. 

“Hi YN.” He smiles, wiping his mouth with his napkin momentarily, “How are you feeling?” 

“Much better, thank you very much.” You smile. 

“Would you like to sit?” He asks, motioning to the spare seat, “You don’t have to if you’re busy or anything.” 

“No. I would love to. Are you okay with that Theo?” 

For the first time since you’ve arrived the little boy looks up at his  eyes immediately light up at the sight of you stood there. 

“Miss YN!” 

“I’m guessing he’s okay with it.” Harry smiles, watching as you pull out the seat and seat and sit down. “You weren’t in a rush, were you?” 

“No.” You smile, sipping on the hot cocoa you had just bought, “I had just finished for the day actually. Did a bit of shopping and then decided to walk over here.” 

“Sounds lovely. Anything exciting?” 

“If fruit and veg is exciting, then exciting.” 

“Hey, take it from me, trying to make fruit and veg exciting for your kids is the most exciting thing about fruit and veg.” 

“Not a fan?” You ask, looking at the young boy who had started to munch on his chicken nuggets. 

“Not really. Can you not tell?” 

You laugh, looking at Theo’s plate which just had chips and chicken nuggets on with a blob of ketchup on the side. 

“He seems to be enjoying those?” 

“Oh god yeah.” Harry laughs, “He can eat for England. Takes after me in that sense.” 

“That’s good. Some parents sometimes come in saying that their children don’t eat and it’s worrying them.” 

“He went through a phase when he turned around two and a half of not eating but he rectified that very quickly himself.”

“That’s good? Have you had work today?” 

It was only then that you had noticed his attire. Jean flares and a shirt that said something about eating honey. On anyone else you it would’ve set warning alarms within your head but he made it look suave and quite attractive. 

“No. I have weekends off so I can spend them with Theo. I sometimes do a bit of work from home but not a lot, do you?” 

“Sometimes. If there’s an emergency I’ll sometimes have to go in.” 

“Is it hard? Do you find working with vulnerable children hard?” 

“Challenging, I’d say. Maybe not hard. Some of the things that have happened to the children to cause them to behave the way they do are hard to listen to. Trying to get them to talk or just explain how they feel is even harder.” 

“You do God’s work, YN.” 

“I wouldn’t say that. I hate the though of children suffering, and I’d like to think I do my best to help with that.” 

“You do. From experience you do.” 

“You’re forever feeding my ego. I kind of like it, keep it coming.” 

“Eh.” He curves his lips and moves his head from side to side, “You’re not that bad to look at either.” 

“Cheeky! But you’re not too bad yourself, Styles.” 

“Daddy!” Theo interrupts, “Toilet, please.”

“Okay bud.” Harry stands up and so do you, “You don’t have to go, I’ll be back in a minute.”

“No it’s okay, I probably should leave.” You smile, “I told Norman that I’d only been ten minutes and that was half an hour ago.”

“Norman?” 

“My dog! God, I probably should’ve specified that. Norman’s my dog.”

“Ah.” Harry laughs, “That makes more sense. I’ll see you later YN.”

“Bye Harry.” 

When you got home that night, you see the majority of the time sat staring at your phone whilst Norman stares at you as though you’ve gone crazy.

“I should just text him.” You sound crazy talking to your job but it is oddly comforting, “What’s the worst that could happen?” 

Hi Harry! It was lovely seeing you and Theo today. I hope you had a lovely rest of your day :)

You immediately regretted sending the message. Would he think you were weird? Had you just ruined any chance you had of it going any further? Your stomach twisted and your phone lit up. 

We did thank you, YN. I hope Norman wasn’t too mad that we kept you out longer than expected. H.

You giggled. He remembered. 

He got over it pretty quickly. Gave him a treat and everything was back to normal.

That’s good. It’s a good thing dogs are forgiving creatures.

Rather I bribed him to forgive me. He can be stubborn when he wants to be.

I think you might be describing my son. He certainly didn’t get his stubborn side from me.

Good. I would hate to have to bribe you to speak to me.

Well that depends what you would have bribed me with. But hopefully you’ll never be in the bad books.

You seem to have very high expectations of me, Styles. I might just surprise you.

I’m going to hold you to that. The next time I see you I expect to be surprised.

Are you free any time soon?

Not until next weekend really. I finish work at five-ish everyday.

Is there any chance that you’d maybe want to do something after work? I can hopefully surprise you?

I’d like that very much. Tuesday okay?

Perfect! See you then, Harry.

Sweet dreams, YN.

Tuesday couldn’t come quick enough in your eyes. You were pleasantly surprised that you’d even managed to bag yourself a date with the man, usually you’d shy away from the male species as much as possible. That didn’t mean that you didn’t spend the entire time messaging Harry the other day with warm cheeks and a fuzzy tummy. The fact that he could’ve thrown everything back into your face being the thing that scared you the most. 

You had messaged Harry last night that you were going to a restaurant, not a fancy one but one that required a smart/casual dress code. You spent probably a little too long getting ready, curling your hair and applying the make up you wore too perfection, dressing in some high-waisted trousers with a long-sleeved tucked in to reserve the warmth that the British summertime had selfishly taken away. 

You had hundred’s of thoughts bouncing around in your brain. It wasn’t everyday that you bagged a date with the man of your dreams and even if it didn’t work out — at least you could say that it had happened. If it didn’t work out it was probably a good thing that Theo had started to make the move from your group to your friend’s to avoid uncomfortable confrontation. 

The reservation at the restaurant was for eight, so you had arranged to meet there for around politely declined. The drive was quick but the wait for Harry seemed to take hours. 

When he did arrive, your breath caught within your throat. He was wearing simple dress pants with a silk floral shirt tucked in, the first couple of buttons undone. It revealed tattoos that you were shocked to see that he had upon his chest and stomach. It intrigued you to know whether he had more tattoos. A part of really wanted to see them. 

“Hi.” He smiles and wraps his arms around you in a welcoming hug. He smelt really good. 

“Hi.” 

“You look lovely.” 

“You don’t look so bad yourself, Styles.” 

“Shall we go in?” You nodded. 

The table reserved for the two of you was small but lovely, located in the corner of the restaurant by the floor to ceiling windows. You had been to this Italian plenty of times in the past and it had become one of your favourites. As you sat down, you had ordered a bottle of wine to share between the two of you. 

“Is that your first surprise?” He asked as the two you tapped your glasses together in cheers, “Drinking on a work night?”

“It’s a special occasion.” You shrug, “You’ll have to figure out yourself whether it’s part of the surprise or not.” 

He raised his eyebrow at you before he broke into a smile. 

“I’m looking forward to it.” 

The waiter comes a few ticks after that, asking what we would like. I order a bowl of pasta whilst Harry orders a pizza of some sort. 

“How was Theo when you left him today?” You started to tuck into the bread and dips that the waiter had brought as an appetiser. 

“Absolutely fine. I’ve never seen someone so exciting to spend time with their grandmother.” 

“Weekend’s with my Grandma were the shit!” You exclaim with a smile, “We used to bake and she’d cook me all of my favourite dinners.” 

“You were spoilt rotten, to say the least?” 

“Of course I was! That’s how little Theo is feeling.” 

“Are you close to your family?” 

“Yeah I am. More so my Mum and Grandma. I don’t really have the best relationship with my Dad.” 

He nods, “My mum and Dad divorced when I was young so I was brought up my Mum. She remarried when I was nineteen.” 

You hummed, “Are you close with your stepfather?”

“I was.” Harry coughed to clear his throat, “He died in 2017.” 

You immediately felt bad. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pry.” 

He stops the sip of his drink quick, “You haven’t, I promised. How are we supposed to get to know each other if you don’t ask questions?” 

“We sort dived right into the deep shit straight away.” You laughed, “Quick fire questions: favourite band?” 

“I honestly couldn’t pick one.” 

“Well.” You sighed, “I tried but that answer was boring. Pick one!”

“I don’t know.” He shrugs, his smile growing, “I love Fleetwood Mac, The Zombies, The Kinks—”

“Basically anything from the past?” 

“Pretty much.” He laughed, “I grew up listening to Shania Twain and Joni Mitchell with my mum.” 

“I would’ve loved to have that childhood.” You laughed, “My mum was all for Bon Jovi, Meatloaf and Prince. Always said ‘I could’ve been a rock chick’.” 

He laughs and sips his drink. 

The conversation for the rest of the evening flowed better than you could have expected. You honestly don’t think you’ve ever been on such a lovely date before in your life, if you could even call it that. 

You learnt about his childhood living in Holmes Chapel whilst he learnt about yours. You hadn’t expected to enjoy his company so much and even as the night came to a close you found yourself not wanting to leave. 

“I must admit.” He starts as her walks you towards your car, “I was quite disappointed when you said I couldn’t pick you up.” 

“Why was that?” 

“Because I’m not able to drive you home, walk you to your door and hopefully give you a little something to remember me for the night.” 

“Really? Who said that I would have let you?” 

“You wouldn’t have?” 

“I don’t know.” You tease, “Why don’t you come over and try?” 

The smile on his face as he leaned in is something that will haunt your dreams at night for the better. Your eyes flutter closed and sigh in content as his lips touch yours. It was a little embarrassing, but there had been a few moments late at night where you have wondered what this would feel like. Those were enjoyable dreams but the real this was so much better. 

No tongue was involved but you already knew that this was something you could become addicted to. The feeling of his large palm against your cheek as his kissed any worry you had away from the night. Your whole body tingled and if you weren’t in a public car park, you wouldn’t know whether you’d be able to contain yourself. 

You both pull away breathlessly. 

“I think you would’ve let me.” 

“I certainly fucking would.”

If Harry had any other option — he would’ve taken it in a heartbeat. 

When Harry had woke up this morning, he had expected it to be like his normal Monday morning. Waking up early and making breakfast whilst Theo sleep in. Then he’d wake Theo up to have breakfast and then Harry would dress him for the day. 

That hadn’t happened this morning. 

When Harry had walked into Theo’s room that morning he found his son, already awake with tears streaming down his face. He tried to comfort his son, and tried to get him to talk but he just didn’t stop crying. 

That’s how he ended up stood in the corner of his son’s room with his phone pressed tightly to his ear. 

“Harry? Hello?” 

“Hi.” 

“Is everything okay?” 

“Yeah, well uh, not really.” He scratches the back of his neck, “There’s something wrong with Theo.” 

“Is he okay?” 

“No. I came into his room this morning and he’s non-stop crying and he won’t talk to me.” 

“I’m on my way.” 

You drove as fast as you could. The sound of Harry’s voice, mixed with his words and the faint sniffles in the background was enough to send your heart spiralling. You used the message that Harry had sent with address to navigate your way towards his house. 

Doors unlocked. 

You raced your way up the stairs, taking two at a time and saw Harry waiting at the top of the stairs. 

“Thank you.” 

“It’s no problem.” You squeezed his arm in reassurance, “Is he in there?” 

“Yeah.” 

Then you saw him. The small boy with the brown curly hair and the green eyes that matched his Father’s peering up at you, small sobs leaving his lips. 

“Hi bud.” You smile, “Is it okay if I sit down?” 

The small boy nods and you do so, a small sigh escaping your smiling lips. 

“Your Daddy phoned and said you were feeling a little upset this morning and asked if I could come and talk to you. Is that okay?” 

He nods again, sniffling slightly. 

“Is there anything you want to tell me?” 

He shakes his head. 

“Can you tell me why you’re crying?” 

“Dream.” His chest heaves up and down. 

“Did you have a bad dream?” A nod. Okay, you could work with that. 

You hadn’t realised that Harry was stood at the door, leant against the frame with his eyebrows furrowed and his thumb running across his lip. He honestly wouldn’t know what he was going to do if you hadn’t been so lovely and come to check on Theo at such short notice. 

“Was your dream about Daddy?” Another nod. 

It honestly broke Harry’s heart. He had never ever though that something like this was the reason his son had gotten himself into such a state. 

“Have you been having a lot of these dreams?” Nodding. So much nodding, “Are they scaring you?” 

“Daddy hurt.” His voice was so quiet and unsteady.

“Daddy gets hurt?” Your palms start sweating, “Is that why you’re so upset? And you go quiet sometimes? You think Daddy’s going to get hurt?” 

“I’m right here Theo.” Harry walks over and drops down to be face to face with his son, “I’m not hurt, and I’m not going to hurt.” 

“You don’t move.” He cries become louder and louder the more they spoke. 

Harry leans over and pulls his son off the bed, dropping him onto his lap and wrapping his arms tightly around him. You watch as Harry smooths his hand across his son’s back, hoping that it will calm him down and stop the crying. Harry’s catch yours and your heart physically breaks for him. You’d never seen anything like this in your four year career. 

“Listen to this, bud.” Harry wipes his tear stained face briefly, “How about we take today off nursery and work and we’ll spend the day together.” 

Theo nods and you smile, gently standing up and removing yourself from the situation. For the first time you can look at Harry’s house. It was exactly how you had pictured it to be — immaculately designed with a splash of Theo in ever corner. You drop down upon the sofa with a sigh and use your hand to try to rub the fatigue away from your face. You hadn’t had a morning like this in a long time. 

Twenty minutes or so later, Harry joins you on the sofa with a deep sigh. 

“How is he?” 

“He’s asleep right now. I laid with him and he drifted off.” 

“That’s good.” 

He reaches over to grab your hand that was comfortably rested upon your thigh, threading his fingers nicely between your own. 

“I’m sorry for calling so early. I know you were probably busy and this didn’t help.” 

“It’s okay.” You give his hand another squeeze, “I told you that I’d help in any way that I could.” 

“I know.” He nods, his voice starting to break, “It’s just so fucking hard YN.” 

“Hey, don’t cry.” You move so that you can wrap your arms around his shoulders, pulling him into a comforting hug, “I know it is but we can sort this out, I promise.” 

“Just knowing that this was because he has been worried about me. What kind of parent does that?” 

“I want you to listen to me now, Harry.” You place your hands upon his cheeks, pulling his head up from your shoulder so that he’s looking directly at you, “You have done nothing wrong. This was completely out of your control.” 

He nods and you wipe the tear that had fallen down his cheek away. 

“I’m going to help you now and we’re going to get Theo better.” 

He leans forward and to your surprise places a deep kiss to your lips. 

“Thank you.” 

Harry had invited you over as a thank you a couple of days later. You had told him multiple times that he didn’t have to thank you for anything and that you’d do anything for him and Theo but he insisted. Theo was still next door with Mrs. West after being picked up from nursery and she made it complete aware that she didn’t mind watching him for a few extra hours so that he could do this for his friend. 

If Harry was honest, he doesn’t have many friends. Mrs. West has spoken to him about it on many occasions and he supposed that the old woman was just excited that he might actually have a friend that wasn’t herself or his son. 

You had arrived at Harry’s house to see the dining room set out with plates and cutlery and wine glasses with delicious smell coming from the kitchen. He greeted you with a soft kiss upon the lips and a small hug. 

“Has Theo been okay?” You ask, leaning against the counter as you watch Harry fry the vegetables for the stir fry.

“He’s been better. He’s been talking a little more according to to the teachers.” He starts to plate up the noodles, “For the first couple of nights he stayed in bed with me, as you suggested but last night he stayed in his own.” 

“Did it go okay?” The two of you walk with full plates to the dining room.

“There were a few tears but he slept through the night.” 

You honestly couldn’t have been happier for the two of them. You have worked with the two of them for a couple of months and now finding out that things were actually starting to work left you feeling happier than you had ever expected to be. 

“That’s really good. I’m happy for you.” 

Before you knew it the time had escaped from the two of you. Somehow, you had made your way to the sofa and now sat with large glasses of red wine in your hands. 

“Are you sure you don’t need to get Theo?” 

It was nearing seven, and you started to worry. 

“If I go now he’ll probably kill me.” He laughs, “Mrs. West brings out the sweet treats around this time.” 

You giggle and lean forward to capture your lips upon his. His hand reaches up to cup your cheek, the other resting lightly upon her thigh. In one confident movement, you shift your body so that your knees are either side of his hips. A part of you still couldn’t believe that this was happening, not only with anyone but with Harry. 

This had all happened quicker than you had expected but you weren’t complaining. 

“YN.” He pulls away breathlessly, “Hey, are you sure?” 

“God yes.” 

“Okay then.’ 

He skilfully picks you up, wrapping your legs around his waist as he carries you towards his bedroom. You land upon the bed with a small thud that causes you both to giggle. He presses his lips to yours one last time in a breath-taking, heart-stopping kiss. 

“Move up.” You shuffle your bum up the bed so that your head is rested upon the lush pillows. Harry’s fingers toy with the zipper of your jeans, his eyes looking for any sign of uncomforted on your face, “This okay?” 

You nod quickly, “It is.” 

He sighs shakily, his fingers slipping into the band of your jeans, pulling them down your legs. You lift your hips up to aid him in the movement. At this point you were glad that a day ago you hd decided to have a pamper session and shave your entire body. 

His lips place small kisses along the inside of your thighs, your body withering under his touch. It had been a long time since someone had touched you in this way, and your senses felt as though they were on override. 

“Harry.” The small moan escapes your lips as he licks a stripe along your clothed centre. 

“God.” He hooks his fingers into the material and pulls them down your legs, “You’re so fucking wet.” 

You hum as his lips wrap around your clit, your chest heaving up and down as he uses his tongue to flick the sensitive nub over and over again. This had all happened so quickly and you felt so overwhelmed that you had no idea if you were going to last very long at all. 

“Fuck.” You moan, “Harry.” 

“That’s it.” He murmurs against your centre, giving your clit a few kitten licks afterwards, “Say my name again.” 

“Harry.” 

He suckles on your clit so quickly that you’re left breathless, your fingers threading through his curly brown hair. You tug on it causing a groan to escape his lips against you, sending your orgasm rushing in. 

“M’coming.” Your chest heaves, “Fuck, baby.” 

Harry pulls away after coaxing you through your high, his lips and chin glistening with your juices. He licks what he can before lifting up so that you can kiss him. He drops down, his head falling into your neck and for the first time you can feel him against your exposed thigh. 

“Do you want me to help?’ 

“No.” He smiles, pushing your hair away from your face, “Tonight was a thanks to you. Hopefully there will plenty more opportunities for you to repay me in the future.” 

“I’m excited for that.” 

“Daddy?” The little voice wakes the two of you up from your slumber, “Miss. YN?” 

“Hiya buddy.” Harry’s quick to pick the little boy up and drop him in the middle of the two of you, “Did you have a good sleep?” 

Theo hums and cuddles into his Dad’s chest, “Morning Miss. YN.” 

“Morning Theo.” You smile, “I’ve told you before, you can call me just YN.” 

You and Harry had started to see each other frequently since the last date and very recently, in the past few days or so you’ve both made the jump of having sleepovers. With Theo it made it difficult for Harry to stay over at yours so you stayed over at Harry’s — not that you minded one bit. 

“Okay, YN.” He smiles, leaning forward to place a kiss to Harry’s dimpled cheek. 

“What do you fancy doing today bud? If you ask nicely YN might be able to stay with us today.” 

“Really?” His eyes widen in excitement. 

“Of course.” You smile and ruffle his hair, “But it’s your day, what do you want to do?” 

“Can we go to the cinema?” You both nod, seeing as though that’s a very doable request from the little man. 

“What do you want to go see?” 

“Frozen 2 please, daddy.” 

“Of course.” Harry kisses his cheek and your heart swells at the sight. 

Theo sat the entire time in the cinema contently chewing on his popcorn as his eyes never left the screen. Harry’s hand was firmly grasped within yours and you both repeatedly picked it up to kiss the back of each other’s. It was the simple gestures that drew you to Harry in the first place, from that very first day at the centre. 

“Did you enjoy it?” You both have one of Theo’s hands in yours, swinging him up as you walk along the pavement. 

“Yes Daddy.” He beams. 

“What do you fancy doing now? Fancy a McDonalds?” 

“Can I have an ice cream, please?”

“Of course, baby.” 

It was rare that you and Harry managed to get a night alone with each other, but this specific Saturday night Anne had offered to take Theo and the two of you weren’t complaining. It had been two or so months since your relationship grew from being professional into something more and you were yet to fully consummate your relationship. 

You did other things, of course, in the dead of night when Theo was fast asleep. You were both just uncomfortable with the idea of having sex and reaching that last level of intimacy whilst he was in the other room. 

The thought physically made you shudder. 

“Are you hungry, baby?” 

“I could eat.” You respond, sitting across from Harry as he scrolls through his phone whilst leaning upon the kitchen island. 

“Pizza?” 

You scoff, “Is that even a question?” 

Once the delivery of your pizza’s arrive, you don’t think you’ve ever seen someone inhale a pizza as quickly as Harry did. He even ended up eating a slice of your own. 

Cleaning up was easy and before you knew anything, you were both changing and getting ready for bed. It was at this point you could go through the plan that you’d created a week or so ago when you learnt that this day would be happening. 

You dressed yourself in delicate white lingerie that would have anyone swooning and dropping to their knees. You tousled your hair, applied some lip balm to your lips and walk out to the bedroom. 

“Fucking hell.” He drops his phone onto the bed beside him, “Where have you been keeping that?” 

“It’s one of the surprises I always ramble on about.” 

“Totally worth it.” He throws his hands up and makes grabby movements towards you which you give in to. 

His arms wrap around you waist and pull you down so you could press your lips to his. There was something different within the air today and you could both feel it. 

“You wanna feel me?” 

“Always.” 

His fingers reach up to unclasp your bra, dropping the lace material to the floor as you clamber upon his lap. His lips wrap around your pebbled nipples, the feeling of his swirling tongue earning breathy moans to escape your lips. 

“Sensitive?” 

“Just finished my period.” 

“Ah.” You thread your fingers through his hair, tugging slightly. 

You drop to your knees, looking up at him through your eyelashes as you use your hand to palm him through his boxers. You place two kisses to each of the ferns, another one at the top of his happy trail before you hook your fingers into the material of his briefs, pulling them down as he lifted his hips to help. 

This wasn’t your first rodeo with Harry’s dick, but that didn’t mean that you became any less nervous every time you saw it. 

“Are you just going to stare?” 

“I’m contemplating?” 

“Contemplating what?” 

“Whether or not you deserve me to suck your dick. Leave me to it, baby.” 

He shuts his mouth the second to place one kitten lip to his base, your eyes watching as his stomach heaves up and down at the feeling. Wrapping your lips around the tip, you start to bob your head up and down, using your spit to ease yourself into it. Harry’s hand reaches out to grip your hair, guiding your head up and down but making sure to not go too far. 

“You’re amazing. Fuck, YN baby.” 

You use the free hand that wasn’t aiding you by jerking the length that you couldn’t take to squeeze his thigh, right by his tiger once before allowing your finger to rub over your sensitive nub through your panties, allowing any sort of friction to be released. 

“Gotta stop baby.” He gently pushes you off of him, your mouth releasing him with a pop, “Need to last for you.” 

Once you’re stood up he pulls your panties down your legs, watching as you step out of them. You both switch positions so that you’re laid on top of the plush comforter whilst Harry fumbles through his bedside table, taking a foil packet out. 

Your eyes never leave him as he gives himself a few tugs before rolling the condom on, giving you a once over before bending down. 

“Are you sure you want to do this?” He questions once and you nod, muttering confirmation as he moves to hover above you. 

You feel a little discomfort at first, probably due to how long it had been since you last had sex. 

“Move, Harry.” 

“M’kay.” 

His lips are on yours again as he starts to move his hips, finding his rhythm as he thrusts in and out of you. You whine into his mouth whilst he groans into yours, the feeling becoming all too unbearable for the two of you. 

“Feel so good, H. So big, so full.” 

The chuffed face he pulled as he continued to thrust his hips to yours, his lips wrapping around your nipple briefly was enough for you to fall for him again. 

“M’gonna come, baby.” 

“I know, H, me too.” 

He slipped his hand down between you both to use his fingers to rub your sensitive bundle of nerves, sending you over the edge. A long moan of his name leaves your lips, your back arches and your eyes start to water. 

“That’s it. Fuck! Squeezin’ me so tight.” 

He moans as he comes, spilling into the condom whilst his movements halt inside of you. 

He head drops forward upon your shoulder, the two of you masking in the overwhelming thing your had just experienced. 

“There’s no one else I ever want to do that with.” 

“Looks like you’re stuck with me, then.” 

“YN.” Theo catches your attention as you wash both of your hands after the painting session you had both just had, “Are you my new Mummy?” 

Your movements halt as you look down at the little boy, his features becoming more and more like Harry’s everyday. 

You look up to Harry who’s stood drying his hand a couple of metres away, a goofy smile present on his lips as he nods at you. 

“If you want me to be Theo, but are you sure?” 

“I love you, YN.” 

“I love you too, now go dry your hands.” 

Harry passes him the towel to dry his hands which he does with little no disagreement. 

“Are you going to go turn the TV on whilst Daddy talks to Mummy?” 

The words felt odd leaving his lips, but a good kind of odd. You watch as he leaves the bathroom and bounds towards the living room. 

You wrap your arms around Harry and sigh contently into his chest. 

“I can’t believe he just said that.” 

“I can. There’s no one else I’d want to be his mother.” 

You stand on your tip toes to kiss his lips once. 

“I love you, Harry.” 

“I love you too.” 

#harry styles #harry styles one shot #harry styles fic #harry styles smut #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fluff #single dad!harry #therapist!yn #harry styles writing

[tallstars-rewrite]

Chapter 30

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In the afternoon most of the clan was sharing tongues, catching the rays of warmth on that especially hot day. Talltail looked around camp. His heart thudded in his chest with the certainty of what he was about to do. How should he go about this? He thought of announcing it formally, but the idea of having so much attention on him, facing everyone’s anger when they realized he had betrayed the oath he’d taken not even a full moon ago...He wasn’t strong enough. 

Would they even let him leave? Perhaps it would be better if he just vanished. It would be a shock, but then everyone would move on, as they always did. What was one more cowardly act on his growing pile? He already felt awful, it couldn’t get much worse. But he had to say something to the cats he had once been closest to, even if he had drifted away from most of them in the past few moons. He’d say goodbye to every cat if he could, but too many would start raising questions. 

Talltail decided he would part with one last gift. He’d gotten good at solo hunting recently, if nothing else, but he was going to have to catch a lot of prey to come up with enough excuses to speak to every cat he wanted to speak to one last time. 

Through the afternoon and into the evening Talltail went to every place on the moor he knew would have active rodents. It was a good haul for him, even on his best days, despite the heavy heat beating down making him drowsy. The edge of the territory near the woodland strip that bordered the pastures was still alive with field mice as it had been when he’d hunted there for Jake. He looked sadly at the treeline where a friendly orange barn cat had once waited for him. Another face he’d never see again. Who knows what the twoleg monsters had done to that poor cat they had tricked. He’ could be dead now. Another claw prick of guilt for the pile, wishing he had tried harder to convince Jake to leave them. But that was over now. Nothing good came from messing with outsiders. It took a couple trips to get all his prey in one pile.

He looked forlorn at the places he had loved most on the moor. It was all he had known and he could scarcely believe he wouldn’t see it again. The places he used to go to clear his head or cheer himself up. The feeling of flying unfettered as he ran full sprint down the Swift-Step Hills, the gorse speckled meadow where he’d once watched deer herds with Fallowspring and Fawnleap, flower patches where he’d helped Briarpaw gather herbs, the track he and Shrewpaw raced against each other at the start of newleaf, everywhere he’d trained with Dawnstripe. Times when he had felt slightly less lost. 

His pile of fresh-kill had grown to a decent amount. The hint of new purpose had perhaps made his mind sharper, less foggy, and he’d been able to focus effortlessly on every chase and every pounce. He was surprisingly less of a lousy hunter when he wasn’t feeling so distracted by directionless misery. Who would have guessed? Well, Dawnstripe did. She was good at that sort of thing, he thought with a touch of melancholy.

 He trailed past the collapsed warren where Sandstone had vanished, and sat there for a brief moment, staring at the disheveled earth. The plants he’d placed there with Woollycloud and Palebird had long since wilted and whisked away.

“I’m sorry,” Talltail said aloud to the empty air. “You were the best warrior WindClan had. I know despite everything, you just wanted to make me strong. But I understand now what I must do. You always said that action must be taken to right the wrongs in the world. If I was strong enough to right ShadowClan, or fix the tunnels, I would. But I know I can’t. But there is one thing I can do, so at least you can finally rest peacefully. I may have failed as a clan cat, but if it’s the last thing I do, this I will make right.”

I hope you can forgive me, He pleaded in his head. The wind started to pick up in a brief gust, it whipped at him and he ducked into the grass. Somehow it felt wrong to greet the Wind Runner’s embrace. He was a traitor to her, or would be soon.

He continued back with his catches, needing multiple trips to get it all there alone, and it was nearly past sunset when he finished. Plumclaw was nearby with Mistmouse.

“By StarClan, did you catch all that yourself?” Plumclaw asked. 

“Must have been a good day.” Mistmouse purred.

Talltail dipped his head, trying to appear natural. If I get worked up, they’ll sense it and ask what’s wrong. 

“Yes, feel free to help yourselves. Think of it as an apology catch.”

“Apology for what?” Mistmouse cocked her head

“Just for being a bit of a pain lately. You’ve always been so sympathetic to me Mistmouse.” he turned to Plumclaw, his ears drooped a little as he ducked his head “and for...all the trouble I caused in the tunnels.”

Plumclaw twitched her whiskers in surprise “That was moons ago. It really wasn’t just you that made Heatherstar close everything…” she perked up a bit, that determined light returning to her tawny eyes. “Besides, I haven’t given up. She just has a burr in her butt right now, but I’ll find a way to keep our skills alive.”

“I trust you will. You’re an incredible tunneler. The clan could learn a lot from you.”

She seemed a bit taken aback by his sincerity but a purr rose in her throat nonetheless. 

Mistmouse winked at him before he turned to leave. “That’ll go to her head you know.”

“No it won’t. It’s just the truth, after all. I’m great.” Plumclaw said. 

Talltail hid a smile as the two molly’s bantered behind. It eased him a little, knowing some cat was around who carried on his fathers’ skills.

He found Fawnleap and Ryewhisker lounging together in the fading sun. Fawnleap had set his head on his sister's foreleg and was complaining.

“--and Fallowspring’s off with Shrewclaw again, like she doesn’t even have time for me! It’s so unfair. I’m bored.”

“You poor wretched thing.” Ryewhisker crooned “It must be so hard without our sister to help you torment poor Cloudrunner for a day.”

“It is, I had this whole prank planned out!”

Talltail padded up to them a bit cautiously. Ryewhisker blinked, clearly a bit surprised when she caught sight of him. Fawnleap, unfazed as ever, waved his tail at him. Talltail dropped the mice he carried.

“I brought you this.”

“Oh is that fresh? Forget what I said before, I feel better now.” Fawnleap said as he greedily snagged up a mouse.

“Is there an occasion?” Ryewhisker asked coolly. “You haven’t spoken to me in a while.”

“Yeah. It’s an apology. Thank you for trying to be patient with me. I’d like you to pass that to Fallowspring, if she’d accept it.” He looked to Fawnleap, who had a mouse half way out of his mouth. “And for you, for just continuing to be...whatever it is you are, despite everything.”

Fawnleap blinked at him and nodded seriously, which looked even more absurd considering his mouth was still full.

“I appreciate it, Talltail,” Ryewhisker said. “And you know, Fallowspring isn’t really still mad at you. She’s never mad for long, or she would have long since disowned Fawnleap. She’s just… got a lot on her mind right now.”

Fawnleap scoffed, “And a lot of it has to do with hunting with Shrewclaw instead of me.” “Of course,” Talltail said, “I’m sure everything will work itself out.”

Next he found Lilywhisker, as he saw her tail vanish into the nursery. He couldn’t manage a rabbit for her, but he’d found a plump vole. He poked his head into the overhanging roots of the warm milk-scented den. It had been so long since he was in here. Talltail was momentarily worried he was intruding, but Lilywhisker nodded at him in a friendly way as she saw him, though she looked a bit tired.

“I caught this for you. And there’s more to bring to Meadowbreeze,” he said. 

“That’s very sweet of you Talltail.” she smiled

“I hope the kits are doing well.”

“They’re doing wonderfully!” Meadowbreeze chirped. He couldn’t believe the new mother still had as much energy as she did. “They all opened their eyes already. I still can’t make up my mind on names, but I’ll think of them soon.”

Lilywhisker gave a good natured exasperated sigh.

 “They are certainly going to be a pawful, I can already tell. And I thought your sister's lot in the nursery were energetic.” She looked at Talltail, “Meadowbreeze swears she won’t want a break, but we’ll see about that.”

“I’m sure they’ll be in good care with you. And….thank you for that. You spent a lot of time caring for me when I was young.” “Oh, don’t even thank me, Talltail.” Lilywhisker purred. “You were such an easy and well behaved kit, like I probably will never get again.”

Talltail dipped his head and ducked out of the nursery, making way for a frazzled Hazelnose who had more new soft grass in his jaws. He’s going to flood the place with soft grass. Some cat should tell him to relax, Talltail thought as the brown tom slipped past. The kits were lucky to have such doting and devoted parents. He was a bit sad he wouldn’t see who Meadowbreeze’s kits grew up to be.

As he began searching for Dawnstripe, the sadness in him felt like it was going to crawl up his throat and choke him. It would be the worst saying goodbye to her, after all she’d done. She had left camp with Appledawn moments ago. As he padded after her, he spotted Shrewclaw returning with Redclaw and Fallowspring. Shrewclaw almost looked happy as he chatted with Fallowspring. It was a surprise to Talltail, but he found that he felt relieved.

 He surprised himself even more when he called out to Shrewclaw. The three cats turned, looking a bit startled. Fallowspring whispered something to the others, then she gestured to Redclaw to follow her back into camp. Shrewclaw looked after them, as if he didn’t know what he wanted to do. Talltail wondered if it was a mistake to do what he did, but it was too late now. 

Shrewclaw narrowed his eyes, but he seemed caught off guard by the lack of hostility in Talltail’s face.

“...What?” there was a hint of defensiveness in his voice, but more so confusion. Of course, Talltail hadn’t said a word to him since their assessment. 

He was quiet for a moment. There was a lot lost between them. But it would do no good to get into it, and Shrewclaw likely wouldn’t want to. At last, all he managed to say was, “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?”

“Yes. You have a right to hate me. I would, if I were you. I hope you can be happy again. I mean it.” he was surprised to find that he really did. Part of him wanted to hold onto resenting Shrewclaw, but if this was it, what was the point? He didn’t need it. And without the resentment, all he was left with was regret and sadness. Shrewclaw gaped at him. His ears flattened and perked up again between annoyance and surprise as if he truly couldn’t decide how to feel. They had never had a relationship where they spoke sincerely to each other like that, even during the best of times.

Eventually Shrewclaw looked away and grumbled into his chest, trying not to show how incredibly awkward he felt, and clearly uncertain whether he was ready to give up any of his cold demeanor to peer through the deeply rooted thorns between them.

 “Ok. Whatever.” he said stiffly. “Well. I don’t really want to talk about it. I’m going back to camp. Bye.”

“Bye Shrewclaw,” Talltail murmured. The temperamental tom would probably have still been hostile if Talltail hadn’t caught him so off guard. That was fine. Shrewclaw wouldn’t have to deal with him anymore anyway.

To his simultaneous relief and dread, Dawnstripe had not gone far yet. He padded up to her, and she greeted him warmly.

“You’re not going for another hunt again are you? I saw the haul you brought back earlier, it looks like you pulled two days of work in one afternoon,” she said.

“No, I was looking for you,” he said. It took everything he had to keep the grief out of his voice. He pressed his nose under her chin and held it there to hide his face.

“Oh,” she said, surprised, but not unpleasantly. “Everything’s alright I hope?”

“Yes. Everything will be fine. I feel like...I’ve never properly thanked you for all you’ve done for me.”

She purred in laughter. “You thank me all the time, Talltail.”

“Yes, but really thanked you I mean,” he pulled back. “I know I haven’t always been easy to put up with, but you never gave up on me, even when…” even when you should have, he thought, but saying it aloud would prompt her to disagree. He shook his head and rubbed his cheek against hers.

 “You are a wonderful mentor, and every apprentice you have after me will be lucky.”

She blinked at him when he finally pulled back. “That’s a lot Talltail, but...thank you, of course. Are you sure everything’s ok?”

“I’m sure. I just wanted to tell you is all. I’m going for a walk. Good luck on your hunt.”

He left quickly, sure if he stayed any longer he wouldn’t be able to contain his emotions. It wasn’t fair, to her more than any cat. She’d tried so hard for him, she trusted him, was patient and encouraging through everything, but he still didn’t really deserve his warrior name. 

He wouldn’t be able to stay much longer, or cats would start wondering about his behavior. He didn’t want anyone to try and stop him. Woollycloud was already too suspicious to risk. Who else was there? 

He knew before he’d really asked himself. Talltail climbed up onto Outlook Hill, the highest point on the territory to get a better look around, and to his surprise, there he was.

 Briarpaw was sitting curled up on a rock, watching the sun set below the horizon. Maybe luck was on his side after all. But what could he say to Briarpaw? His oldest friend would surely see through him. Something told him, somehow, perhaps he already did. Briarpaw looked up at him, with such sadness in his eyes when Talltail approached. 

“What are you doing up here?” Talltail asked tentatively. 

“It’s part of my training to listen,” Briarpaw replied. “Everything is clearest up here, so this is where I meditate.”

“What are you listening to?”

“Everything I suppose. Whatever speaks. The clouds, the wind, the gorse.” His eyes were fixed on the bright red clouds catching the rays of sunset, a mix of blazing orange and dark stormy blue. Talltail sat beside him. Knowing this was his last step was making him want to drag his paws. It might be the last time he saw the sun set on the moor, casting the sky in so many brilliant hues. 

“What are the clouds saying today?” Talltail wasn’t sure if he was trying to make small talk, but he was certainly stalling.

“There’s going to be storms. Bad ones, I think. The rains will be late, but when they come, it will be heavy and dark.”

It was hard to picture storms with all this blistering heat clouding Talltail’s head and seeping into his fur. The brilliant light shimmering on the edge of the horizon line was all he could focus on. He pondered for a moment how he may very well travel to that far horizon line, see the hills bathed in light up close. A goal far off in the distance to aim for. His paws were itching and restless even though at the same time he was horribly afraid to feel so lost and far away.

“It looks a bit like fire, doesn’t it? Reaching up on the horizon.” Briarpaw murmured, seemingly half to himself. He looked up at Tallpaw “You look like you're burning yourself, the way it catches your dark fur.”

“I wouldn’t know,” Talltail said carefully. “I’ve never seen real fire.” He’d of course been lucky enough to only know about it through stories. Talltail glanced at the medicine cat apprentice. “Has StarClan shown you dreams of what it really looks like?”

“I have dreamt of it before, yes.” Briarpaw replied. His gaze was still fixed on the distant hills. “It’s bright, flickering, and brilliant orange. A lot like the color of your eyes, actually.”

Talltail sniffed, “Well, I’ve never really gotten a good look at my own eyes.”

“I know. I think it’s hard for you to see any part of yourself very clearly.”

Talltail faltered a bit. “Well, I mean...There’s not a lot of clear still water nearby. The reflections are always murky.”

Talltail didn’t know how else to reply. Briarpaw was probably suggesting more with his words as he often did, but that didn’t make Talltail any more sure of how to address it.

Briarpaw shifted his paws under himself, and was silent for a long moment before continuing.

 “Do you remember the first time we came up here together? On your first day as an apprentice?”

“Yeah,” Tallpaw replied. “It feels like so long ago now.”

“Back then when I was with you, I started hearing something similar to what I hear now, though I didn’t fully understand it. Or maybe I didn’t want to understand it. I’ve been watching you walk around to everyone.” A deep grief glimmered in his golden eyes as he blinked up at his friend. “You’re really going to leave after all, aren’t you?”

Talltail stared at him, worried for a moment that Briarpaw had told someone, but Briarpaw looked so resigned.

 “...Yes. How did you know?”

“I dream about you a lot, Talltail. I always have. Of course, I dream about lots of cats, and always struggle to put the pieces together of what they mean.”

“Medicine cat stuff, I suppose,” Talltail laughed without humor. “Does StarClan want me to go?”

“No. StarClan doesn’t wish for things like that. StarClan can guide us, but these visions...I’m not sure where they come from or why they come to me. Perhaps they have no allegiance at all. There is so much in the world beyond what we know underneath our Silverpelt.” Briarpaw looked up into the sky, seeming suddenly far away. “...I’ve messed up a lot of visions. Hawkheart says it's normal for an apprentice, but it’s made me so afraid. Afraid I could steer a cat in the wrong direction. It’s led to me...being afraid to speak to you sometimes.”

Talltail blinked at him “You were...afraid? I thought...I thought you were just upset with me.”

“I’ve never been upset with you. I’m sorry... I was so unsure. I wanted to avoid the future I didn’t want to face. Even now part of me thinks perhaps I could have tried to push you onto a different path, one that didn’t make me face this. But I think...one way or another, it would have ended up worse for you. So here we are, and you’re on your path now.”

“You agree I should leave then?” Talltail didn’t know whether that made him relieved or sad.

 Briarpaw’s gaze drifted to the ground at his paws. “I don’t want you to go. And I hope that you’ll find the way back here someday soon.”

“I don’t think I will be coming back," Talltail said. “I...I don’t belong here. I have felt wrong for moons. Out of place. I feel inadequate, and there is nothing I can do to change the wrong here that weighs on me. There is one thing I feel called to do, and the only thing I’m sure of is that I can’t do it here, as a simple warrior. Everything I do here can be done by someone else, and let's be honest, I haven’t been great at keeping close friends.”

“I’m sorry you’ve felt that way,” Briarpaw sounded so sincere. “I hope you understand how many cats will notice your absence. By every cat you’ve spoken to and even the ones you won’t.”

It’s his job to say that. Talltail thought. He made cats uncomfortable more often than not, or plagued their minds with worry. Better to cut the tie and make them not have to worry anymore. “You won’t try to stop me then?” 

“No. But...you don’t have to go. I’ll help you. Dawnstripe will, and Woollycloud I’m sure...they’ll be heartbroken if you go.”

Talltail faltered. 

Perhaps they would. He looked down at the camp behind him, and then over across the moor he’d grown up in. He knew it all so well.

For a moment he did almost want to give up his idea. A thought crossed his mind, a flicker of hope. What if everything could be fixed, and he could find a way to feel accepted here. He could apologize and mend every bridge he’d broken. Dawnstripe and Woollycloud would stop worrying. He was a simple runner, but he could try to be the best one he could be. He wouldn’t have to leave his home, he wouldn’t have to leave the cats he came to care for. Maybe somehow it could be ok.

The thought warmed him as it flickered briefly through his mind. But as fast as the spark lit up, that little light of hope was smothered. That was just what he wanted to be true. That happiness wasn’t his to lounge in when there was so much wrong done in the world.

“I...can’t.” Talltail sighed. “They will be upset, after all the time they’ve spent trying to help me. But they will move on. The clan has moved on from so many losses. If I stay...I’ll go mad. I can’t ignore what I feel must be done any longer.”

The little hope that had appeared in Briarpaw’s eyes faded as his face fell. “If this is what you choose...you must choose it on your own. Now that you're here I can see that. No cat can stop you. I wish you had told the clan formally though.”

Talltail ducked his head. He was ashamed himself.

“I’m just...I’m just not strong enough. They’ll know soon enough. If StarClan has been showing you this outcome, then it’s what they think is best too.”

Briarpaw stood and faced him “StarClan wants you to be sure of where you put your paws. You are one of the Wind Runner’s children. You’ve always been worthy.” He pressed his nose to Talltail’s cheek, “I love you, Talltail. So many of us do. Even if you don’t come back, it will still be true. I hope someday you will know why.”

Talltail held his face against Briarpaw’s for a long moment. It hurt him deeply. But he had to go, before he could change his mind. This had to be done. He needed to rip the thorn out and leave, quickly. He stepped back, gave Briarpaw one last look over his shoulder and started at a run down the hill, to the south. He didn’t look back at Briarpaw again. 

As he ran, the greenleaf wind brought strong sweet smelling heat as it rushed through his fur. It seemed to be pulling him in every direction. Was he being chased out or held back? He couldn’t tell. He ducked his head against it as he flew through the darkening sunset. 

Before reaching the edge of the moorland, he stopped. As soon as he passed, there was no going back. 

He froze, and pricked his ears. Someone was nearby. 

There were two very pale amber eyes watching him, staring wide and questioning.

Palebird.

Talltail looked back at his mother. Why was she out here? He hadn’t even thought about going to see her. What would be the point? They had said everything they could say and rarely saw each other anymore. 

He looked at her for a long moment. Maybe you’ll go back to normal when I’m gone. Maybe you can cut your old broken life away and finally start a new one. He didn’t want to tell her that out loud. Palebird didn’t speak to him before, and she wouldn’t start now. 

But to his surprise, she did. She took the smallest step towards him.

“Talltail?” she mewed in her cracked and fragile voice. “Where are you going?”

He opened his mouth to reply. But there was still nothing to say. He was too afraid of what might come out if he really tried to speak to his mother. 

So instead, Talltail made the very last cowardly decision he would make in his home territory. He turned, saying nothing at all, and simply kept walking. She didn’t follow him, but he felt her eyes as he went. To the edge of the moor. To the dark treeline looming above him. The wind cut off here, blocked by the thick towering branches. It was quiet at last. 

He stepped into the shadows, and was lost from his mother's view.

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#FRU30 #chapter 30 #cw depression