#though i probably wouldnt have played it much if i couldnt play it on public transit so it still wins

[r0d30-brqt]

You said flameswap Gokudera had more of a low presence because of his training, what kind of training? :0 and does he still uses his dynamite or does he have new weapons/abilities now? Also I know arcobaleno trials thing is an only anime arc thing, but how do you think Skull and flameswap Gokudera would interact if he had to "train" him

i dont know what i meant by training either lmaoo 😂😂 i think when he ran away he felt that no matter where he went, anyone after him should be miles behind and if he kept with the bomb throwing it wouldnt be as possible i think. if i stuck with explosives and stuff tho i think he could keep that? set timebombs and traps or smth and stand off to the side with the general public as shit went down.

i think as a child he was quieter, kept to him self around strangers but was more bubbly and playful around his family. he wasnt totally quiet and just snuck around all time time, just more often than not he'd sneak up on other by accident. i think he'd learn how to get a little better at it so he could scare people sometimes, as a treat!

though when the piano stuff happens, he gets much better at it as he despises going out there or anywhere near his sister when its time for his show. he'd take the long way to the other side on the mansion and draw them over, aiming to take a short cut back to the stage once he thought they were close. often times it wouldnt work, his father has seen enough to know, but hes gotten past them a handful of times.

i also think this would hurt more for gokudera since hes not much a fan of strangers but could handle playing infront of them if he focuses on playing because its something he really enjoys doing. fucked up that instead of playing for fun and having a good time, he was forced to play for a profit and couldnt even do so in good health. he was basically told that his lessons didnt mean shit, he was better when he was sick and the fact that he could didn't meant nothing in the face of money and reputation.

back to the weapons lol, uhhhh i havent rly thought of much difference? outside switching his throwable bombs for time ones or something. maybe he also has a switch blade on him for if someone gets close to him? probably also knows some self defense too.

aaaa the arco trials,,, gokudera would give skull some basica respect, as he's seen the others and knows their reputations, skull would be his usual self i think 🤔 maybe a little toned down. also like,, skull doesn't fight as far as we know, just able to take life threatening hits so i dont know what he'd teach gokudera? maybe that taking risks is okay and sometimes necessary if you wanna win a fight? talks about what hes willing to put his life on the line for and what he wouldnt? either way i think gokuderas "trial" or whatever would mainly be about him learning when and where he should insert himself into situations and when to fall back? idk idk,,

#khr #gokudera #flameswap #ask.d #did i answer any of these questions? #no -sobs- #im so sorry i just started going off on a tangent and none of this makes sense

[nomorevanillabeanicecream]

no more vanilla bean ice cream

they were out of vanilla bean ice cream, they had vanilla, french vanilla, sweet cream vanilla and cheesecake vanilla, but not vanilla bean, when did everyone all of a sudden get into vanilla bean, everyone was a pig they could not care less about the bean in the vanilla or not, but now apparently everyone was into vanilla bean ice cream because last week there was a full row of umpqua vanilla bean ice cream and now there was none

so I’m waiting in line at safeway with my subpar vanilla ice cream after I had gone on a much needed quarantine run right after spending two hours texting my friend and she was telling me about how google owns all the data in the world and not only has enough data to know me better than myself, but since they know everyone else’s data too, they know my friends data so they know me in context, the whole thing was very depressing so depressing i didnt even want to use a period in my writing anymore because what the fuck was the point of punctuation anyway in this world, i would still be nice and use commas, just to give my fingers a break and be able to get a thought in or so. 

i guess i could also accommodate for paragraphs break at visually appropriate times, it didn't matter if it was contextually appropriate or not, i was going to drop a paragraph break because i know people like paragraphs, charles dickens and dostoevsky and jane austen and leo tolstoy never made paragraph breaks that's why no one ever read their books, people just say they read them to seem smart but they never really read them they just knew it was the right thing to say that they were literary geniuses because their books were so long, see people like to lie and say they know the work of a great author even though they only read a few  quotes by them, but that was enough to say good and bad things about writers without ever knowing what the hell they did, few understand the theory of relativity but everyone calls einstein a genius. 

the thing about quarantine was that at this point i had gotten used to seeing very few people in my life and i was enjoying it so whenever i had to go to the supermarket i had to see all these people and boy were they gross, maybe i would not have seen them as so gross if had gotten my vanilla bean ice cream but i had not so, they were gross, they were all getting so fat, and fat in like weird ways, not like fat on the sides like the michelin tire guy or a cute belly like the pillsbury dough boy or like that kinda funny superfat like homer simpson or peter griffin they were just gross fat, like it looked like they had just been eating garbage and watching netflix fat, like this one guy seemed like if you got a pillowcase filled it up with hot lard and then poked two pool cues on the bottom of it, this other lady looked like a minifridge emptied into a potato sack.

the asses were the worst part, it was kinda hot so everyone was wearing shorts and it was not appropriate when they wear shorts always have that like red line right under the shorts and it does not look that great, the oddest one was the skinny ass but with fat legs, i did not get that one, the person would have no ass mass at all but then the legs were super fat i did not understand what they were doing to get their bodies to look this way, a lot of people were also walking around with wedgies, a lot of people were also walking around in pajamas covered in animal hair and it was gross, its like you have nowhere to go, you are all complaining about not having the right to go out, so when you do go out why not maybe spruce things up, honour life, honour your fellow human, no, screw that we are all going to behave like the whole entire public sphere is a big ass pijama party,

the whole facemask thing, wait before, i start talking about the facemask thing, everytime i start a new paragraph, google is trying to force me into capitalizing the first letter, it doesn't even ask me if i want to capitalize it, it just goes ahead and does it, google is such an presumptuous douche sometimes, now when i write in gmail, it autocompletes all my sentences, great so we can all sound like robots, and it does it like automatically, so i ending having to erase the lame sentence it wrote, i mean i would have probably come up with something similar or exactly the same too, after all there are only  so many ways to say goodbye, but id like to think it was my idea, these engineers had no savoir faire, just so you know, so now i hope that everytime you start to read a new paragraph you imagine me hitting the backspace button to delete their fascist capital letters, and its frustrating because im really trying to write as fast as i can, i bet you can tell

see it happened again, and its not that i just have to hit the delete, i have to get my mouse and put my cursor there so it like detects its not just on mistake i am trying to delete their smartass capital letter, so yeah to the facemask thing, the whole facemask thing was pretty dumb, i mean if the facemask was the windshield to the coronavirus i didnt get how casual people were being about, they would just pull it right down under their noise, oh great now you have all your coronavirus on your nostrils, what the hell, i didnt get it, im pretty sure noone in that safeway store had coronavirus, and it was coronavirus not covid19, what is it about us having to find dandy little names for things, it was the coronavirus and thats that, so yeah we were all carrying about these facemasks that if they were really protecting us from the coronavirus lingering in the air then we were being flagrantly irresponsible in our use, but deep down we all felt it wasnt, but we just had to wear one because it was the rule, but we all knew noone in the store had coronavirus

it may sound weird, but i think you know when someone has coronavirus, its like you can just tell, you know like other things you can just tell about a person, i remember i once went up to san francisco about a month ago, and i saw this guy on the muni line headed to the bayview that for sure had coronavirus, he wasnt coughing or anything, but i saw him and i knew he definitely had coronavirus, it wasnt because he was black or chinese or  anything, this isnt like a hidden racist joke, i could just tell, i freaked out , and i havent gone up to the city since then, and then, lo and behold they announced that a muni driver got the corona and that the bayview district had the most corona cases in the cities, see sometimes you can just tell

im pretty sure that day i even had the corona on me, i mean i didnt get it, but im pretty sure it landed on my hand, but i washed it before i touched any of my mucous parts, but it was there with me, i dont think it was from the guy on the bus thought, i think it landed from this other guy, i went to a deli to buy water, bananas, coca cola and chocolate and this guy was kinda drunk and talking real loud and coming real close and i could feel the air get really moist when he passed by me and my hand was exposed and i know that at that moment some of it got on my hand, but i didnt panic, i knew i couldnt lose my cool, i had to just play it smooth, and wait till i could get to the studio and wash my hand and everything else, i was really thorough i walked the whole way back to the studio with my hand outstretched so it wouldnt touch my jacket or anything, i could feel it was there, it was for sure there, but i played it cool and washed it and nothing happen, but i was that close 

 and thats why you have to wash your hands because you could be that close too to having coronavirus, so see im not that crazy, that the reason they recommend us all to wash our hands, because at some point it could be that close to you, and if you don't wash your hand before your touch your eye, boom you got coronavirus, crazy to think that you too could have had coronavirus on you, and you could have, but now i think there isnt that much coronavirus on things anywhere, i think the coronavirus is like hiding or something, i think the coronavirus are like finding their niches and stuff, like if you ask me i think the coronavirus right now is probably somewhere where the sun dont shine, i bet it like flew to a a dirty dive bar that was totally shut down windows boarded and everything, but its there just chilling on the sticky counter, waiting to come back in the summer, i also think it might be at like some nasty to-go food place, like there is this wing place open till midnite around my house, i bet there is a little coronavirus there, but only a little bit, and its like one of the lazy ones, so i dont think it feels like jumping on anyone

at work i have to tell the staff how to wash their hands, i tell them they have to wash on top of their hand, palm of their hand, each finger, in between fingers, under the finger nails, and up to the elbow, but i mean if they have coronavirus, and their touching my food, i think its going to get on the to go box anyway, but its the rules so i play along, i even translated the rules, and told them to sign a paper, the paper also said that they had to wear a facemask, its not like they have multiple facemasks, i mean we are going to give them a few, but its up to them to wash it, one guy asked me if he could use the same one for a few days, i told him no, but i mean even if he washes his facemask before work and then lets say he puts it in his pocket, what if his jacket has corona but his facemask doesnt, itd be a real shame if his corona jacket infected his noncorona facemask, but i saw him and i dont think he had corona anyway

im repeating the same point and the rant is losing steam, so i gotta ramp it back up, or maybe no, maybe its not all just about ranting, maybe i should tell you some good things, like ill tell you about my run, the day was so nice, it was bright and sunny, and thats really all i gotta say, the point that i have more to say about right now is that i feel like im writing like that kid from catcher in the rye, that kid was a real case, i cant say i disliked the kid, but i wouldnt hang out with him, i mean in general i wouldnt be hanging out with high schoolers, but i might hang out with him after he grows up, i think we were all like that kid at some point, and the ones that arent, are soul dead and just go to work and drink craft beer and probably become those engineers without savoir faire that figure out the code to finish my email sentences

but i also feel that i am writing likes james joyce in ulysses, those are two books that i read from cover to cover ulysses and catcher in the rye, all it takes is a good fucked up guy to write something honest and you can get me to finish it, james joyce was all about stream of consciousness, crazy to think that ulysses is regularly named the best book of the century, and it wasnt even that bad of a century for books, it was a crazy book, and it was daring and new to just expose how he felt a person thought, and i mean it was pretty smart, because that is how we think, we jump around and we get nervous and self conscious and horny and we think in simple letters, and our memories associate things weirdly, i mean dante was the best writer of all the time, but i dont know anyone that thinks inside their brain in metered stanzas, if there was such a person, i dont know if id like to meet him, it would be a lot to handle good novels have taught me a lot, they've confused me too, but overall taught me things, see life is a grey thing, like there arent absolute values, 

for us human beings, its easy to think of things as black and white, good and bad, yes or no, but thats not how it goes, there is a lot of grey area, and thats why i guess i liked ulysses, see the whole book is about this guy that is roaming around dublin, while he knows his wife is cheating on him, the last chapter is a stream of consciousness from his wifes mind, in which she just goes through her mind thinking about her past lovers and this guy she is cheating on her husband with, and ultimately she feels bad and when her husband climbs back into bed with her, shes like thinking oh there he is again, old leopold, but hes my leopold and she i guess kinda does admit to loving him, life hurts like that sometimes, a woman can still love you but cheat on you, a man can do it too, anyone can cheat on you, but still love you, anyone can hurt you and still love you, its a rough reality, remember i wrote an essay on this book, and the teacher said that i should save it and give it to the woman i marry it was so good, i didnt save it so i guess that wont ever happen, i cant even remember what i said, probably something about forgiveness and the abstract beauty of love, i was only twenty, i could have said anything

i wish i could remember what i wrote though, nowadays a lot of people are walking around with fear of intimacy issues, they are scared to open up to people, you know a lot of people are saying that they have intimacy issues, so i wanted to figure out more,  i looked it up on wikipedia and it said there were four types of people, normal people that love themselves and can share intimacy with others, people that think themselves unworthy of intimacy but seek it, people that are scared of being intimate with others out of fear of rejection, and people that have self worth but think others are undeserving of intimacy, i think the whole thing probably comes from parental stuff, that's always the freudian way of looking at things, its kind of a shame because i think people really do like laying in bed and talking comfortably with someone after a wild fuck, when i wrote the essay i didnt have intimacy issues, but i might now, i dont know, and even if  i did i dont know what type of of person i am,  i guess sometimes people do say some stupid things, and stupid things out of  a naked person are the worst kind of stupid things, whatever its wikipedia, anyone could have written, just like the original science study it supposedly based on,

ok this all getting too gooey and it lost its sharp vibe, i think that we were on a roll, when we were on the coronavirus landing places part, but then i get too serious and stuff, i do still want to talk about books i like, you know like thats one of the favorite things english teachers like to do, they like to analyze all the references that an authour made to other books, normally its the bible or the odyssey or some other greek or roman classic, like ulysses was modeled after the odyssey, i remember the teacher always talked about that, ive never read the odyssey or the iliad, ive heard they are great books, but i try not to say it myself, i do say that homer was a great poet though, but i never read his stuff, i mean ive read the first line, but i dont know the whole story or anything, i guess we are all hypocrites at some point or another, i do know however that ulysses was in one of dantes circles of hell, because he was advisor to deceit, the deceit of having that big horse full of soldiers go into to troy, so he ended up in hell, talking about hell that was another book they loved to reference, the bible, the bible doesnt see things grey, they see it black or white, this morning i woke up at four in the morning, and i couldnt get back to bed, so i pulled to a random spot and started reading proverbs, they make it seem so simple, this is good, that is is bad, i wish it were that simple, it used to be that simple like that when i was little kid, maybe it still is but,  i just refuse to see it that way

[negativewriter26]

I’ve been debating for the better part of six months whether or not to post this, because it’s probably one of the most personal things I’ve ever written (definitely the most personal thing I’ve ever written about my aromanticism).

But it’s Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week, and now is as good as a time as any. So here it is.

The boy in my English class dislikes almonds in his chocolate.

He prefers dark chocolate to milk, doesn’t like M&Ms of any shape or form, uses pens he finds off the floor, and wants to study mechanical engineering like his older sister who is four years older than him.

I do not know why I know all this.

Or really, I do know. We sit at the same table in class, brushing elbows occasionally as we do group work, and argue about where pink goes in the rainbow. (“Before red,” I say, organizing the mechanical pencils, but before I place the pink one, he takes it and puts it after purple.) We discuss chemistry and precalculus, poring over mathematical problems that define our lives within these walls. We mention how the flutists are bad at marching, causing the other girl at our table to say not all flutists. We talk in the halls, walking past each other to get to class and sharing inside jokes that are just thinly veiled arguments.

Most days I find myself thinking about how this happened. We have nearly nothing in common, because he hates electrochemistry while I love it, and if we hadn’t arbitrarily sat next to each other at the beginning of the year, we wouldn’t have ever talked. We should be strangers, only meant to pass each other in halls, but now we’re something else.

Acquaintances. Friends, maybe. Something more, possibly.

My entire life, I have heard girls talk about boys. Because girls like boys. Because that boy is cute. Because that model is hot. Never have I understood this. I spent years staring at pictures and wondering if I’m missing something. What does hot and cute even mean?

If we were going to talk about attractiveness, why didn’t we talk about girls? Especially that one girl in my third period class with the prettiest hair and excellent taste in music?

We gossiped in P.E. once, sitting in a circle on the football field and whispering amongst ourselves so the others couldn’t hear. One of the girls, two years my senior, discussed her boyfriend and their sex life. Another nodded, agreeing with her on something or another. I sat, hands in my lap, not knowing how they could want to have sex with someone else. I tried to figure out how all of them, five girls in total, excluding me, had boyfriends. Girls are better than guys, was on my tongue. What’s the point of dating? I didn’t say.

Later I find out I am aromantic and grey asexual. Words heavy on my tongue, I tell no one.

One day I find there is more than one type of attraction. Platonic, romantic, and sexual are the most commonly talked about. There's more, like alterous — a type of attraction about wanting emotional closeness that is not entirely platonic or romantic. I think back to the boy in English class, who doesn’t eat French fries and likes grape Jolly Ranchers and plays Bloons Adventure Time TD, and what I feel for him. I don’t think he is cute, even though some people say he is okay-looking, whatever that means. I don’t want to kiss him, even though that’s what most people want to do with people they like. I don’t feel this burning desire to be called his girlfriend or take his last name, even though I think that is what girls think about.

I want to sit on a bench in the shade with him, listening to music together. I want to send him memes at two in the morning, laughing at jokes that shouldn’t be that funny. I want to lean against his shoulder, talking about the homework we have this weekend.

There are no dates, no romance, no flowers. A friend and her significant other who visited from Florida watch movies together while holding hands. My friends in a relationship with each other cuddle in class when nothing is happening and during lunch when they’re tired. My friend receives her favorite flowers from her boyfriend and presses them in books.

It doesn’t sit well in my stomach.

I do not want that. Holding hands in the dark while watching movies repulses me. Cuddling in public or for recreation terrifies me. Receiving flowers of any kind from someone bores me. I do not get those fluttering butterflies around the people I like, only lingering looks and awkward conversations. I do not get those pining thoughts about the people I like, only passing thoughts of oh that’d be nice irregularly.

My attraction is different from others. Even with the boy from English class, the only person I have ever liked this way, I do not get those landmarks. For the first time in my life, I find myself feeling something normal, but it is then ripped away when I realize that I like this boy —  a boy that I do not find cute, a boy that I do not want sex with.

He dated someone before, two years ago. A smart girl who loves doing chemistry labs that liked him — actually liked him, unlike what I feel for him — eventually broke up with him when he showed no interest in her. I know that if I ever confess, in a convoluted way that’s only possible with a vocabulary lesson, the same thing will happen to me. The boy I like agrees to date me because we are friends who go over quiz questions and complain about physics together, and eventually I learn he does not like me as much as I like him (or, worse, I cannot like him the way he wants me to), and we break up.

Our relationship will be uneventful. Boring. Mundane.

Then again, I am uneventful. Boring. Mundane. I do not like people, do not want to date anyone, do not want to have sex. I barely even like the person I do like, the first person I’ve ever been intensely attracted to.

Someday we will graduate high school. He will study mechanical engineering. I will forget about him, the boy who dislikes almonds in his chocolate, and my life will go back to being what it was before.

Whatever it was.

#aromantic spectrum awareness week #asaw 2019 #asaw 19 #aromanticism #aromantic #writing #aspec #phoebez #I might delete this later #also this has always been untitled #I'll take suggestions for titles? #I literally have no idea what I could title this

[p-st]

my "unkillable" quirk oc's hero name (villain? just for fun civillian name?) would absolutely be "Casualty"

a lil joke based on their casual view on death and well. death

dunno if theyd be a hero, villain, or civillian! theyre all pretty fun to explore. a vigilante would also be cool but i dont think theyd be a super morally upstanding one. definitely theyd kill a villain to restrain them bc "theyre totally fine! yeah, they're definitely dead, officer, but theyll walk it off in a few hours so it's no big!"

okay actually..thatd be a fun universe 🤔

hold on lemme just. type out loud here

Casualty: The Undying Hero! (or is it the other way around? idk how hero titles work) their wounds heal faster than most and if they “rejuvenate” you (crowdsourced name), one quick nap later you'll be good as new! (bc they also heal faster when out though not as fast as them) they will only "rejuvenate" people who have given their full consent or there is no other option (heros they work with sign contracts that give the okay and for what circumstances)(civillians give spoken consent and can request a full contract at their agency if theyre frequent fliers)

casualty decides case by case what the best course of action would be because, unfortunately, they do come across several suicidal heros and civillians alike that just want to know what its like to die. they have several connections with mental health professionals!

like eraserhead, casualty's quirk doesnt give way to much combat ability (pretty good for defense tho is still hesitant to kill someone. villain or not. some ppl can get addicted to the feeling) they compensate during fights with support tools! this isnt something ive thought about so idk what kind of fighting style theyd gear themselves towards but i think id like something pretty versatile.

also kinda looking for the secret to their death since yeah their own body can kill them but they dont really get sick and, while not immortal, they'll likely outlive everyone of their generation

Casualty: The Killer Villain! (do villains even have titles like this lol?) just THINK of the way torture would go! they can drive right up that edge and when they push a little harder and you come out the otherside unscathed you still arent safe bc youre under their whim! not a big bad with huge showy villainous actions but arguably much worse than those who make headlines.

more of an information broker! theyre the one u go to if u wanna make someone break. also takes "assassination" jobs (the PERFECT person to help you fake your death. deals identities like cards) not much in the way of morals and will give you a quick death fix but mostly to get you off their back (thinks ppl who wanna die are pretty disgusting and they revel entirely in their longlasting life. slow and steady, babey) has people contracted to kill others for them.

definitely looking for someone able to kill them. it's a big daring exciting joke to them! fellow villains will make attempts and theyll critique their effort later. also they make a very good partner for ppl trying to test out how much a new move would hurt (other villains come to these spars and time how long casualty stays down. theres a leader board for the longest time down bc it means their move was incredibly violent)

Casualty: A Name as Feared as it is Revered! (okay this one is just for fun) being able to kill but it not sticking is PERFECT for them in their mind. in this universe they couldnt think of another path being better for them (because of their black and white view of “heros save” and “villains kill” and that their quirk fits neither. not really)

theyve got a hit on them from everyone and it makes their days exciting! they compliment the more creative attempts and will drop by the place of person who killed them and leave a sticky note with a full review lol. as mentioned above, kills as a way to restrain! it's to the point where it's so common that whenever it's mentioned that they were involved w a crime a special crew comes to take care of it (you gotta be trained to compartmentalize seeing so many dead ppl that wake up kicking. it does smthn to ya)

theyll target everyone alike! heros, villains, civillians! it doesn't matter youre all ripe for the pickin! theyve got ins with a wide range of ppl and if they cant deal with them personally theyll follow what they see as the best course of action. some people deserve to be publically demolished by a hero, some deserve the horror of a villain, and some deserve the cold hand of civillian law. theyve got a little (major) god complex and believe they have the right to be the judge jury and executioner (in spirit lol) obviously this mindset isnt well received by the public (coughstainchough) but unfortunately they make good judgement calls and they usually dont get the final say in what happens to someone anyway (unless they kill the person and that person learns their lesson or whatever)

does however have a personal vendetta of reforming systems and being very against the pissing contest that are hero rankings. this occasionally makes their judgement calls biased.

the most consistent things would be:

connections. lots of them and the types of connections depend on what path theyre on. theyre good at talking

outside support in the form of weapons or people to "finish the job"

general belief that their choice is more than likely the right choice

loose morals. comes with the territory of a death based quirk

controversial in any universe (except maybe a bonus one where they claim their quirk is not being able to die and not also not being able to kill? that universe would be steeped in self hate and either a bitter death or a life dedicated to putting a mental health support system in place for people with "villainous" quirks)(actually their quirk would still be controversial bc thats the point lol)

permanent casual view on death. doesnt see the big deal

very hm. unconnected to living? sure theyre just excited to be here! but they have the most solid grasp on the inevitability of death while also not super getting that when someone dies they get to stay dead? theres also the tiniest bit of envy there

probably either never got the death talk or got it very late. no one knows how many kids were at risk while being friends with them while young bc they wouldnt put the effort into saving them from life threatening situations (bc casualty always got back up, why wouldnt anyone else)

(bonus story for above would be that once while they were a kid a friend fell off a tree and hit the ground in front of them and they just walked away to keep playing then they came back later and the friend was still there so they went to either their own parent or the kid's parents and told them "[name] is taking a long time to get back up, i wanna play again." queue the sad ending here im aiming for)

upbeat sometimes in a near manic way. genuinely happy really often and finds joy in the smallest things like a slug in the grass or a wildflower coming out of the sidewalk (life in all kinds of places in all kinds of ways!)(theyre big fans of mushrooms. in death theres life or life gives way to life or whatever. idk it's fake deep. i just think mushrooms are cool and wanna project)

anyway this is like. long as shit lol! is anyone even reading this? i love you if you are. i might try to take this character and bend it to fit some of my own worlds bc wow i think theyre cool BUT if any bnha fans ARE reading this please feel free to include them in fics or stuff if you want! link me if you do id literally fall in love (u can name them what u want, dress them how you want, give them whatever pronouns you want, etc.)(dont claim them ofc but using them is fine!)

(and if you want me to idk... flesh out a character for you? 😳 lol id be very open to that! i love worldbuilding!! you dont have to.. aha... unless..?😳😳)

#bnha posting #death ment #child death ment #<<(it's the nine bullet point if you wanna skip) #this is. so self indulgent of me

[holyytaehyung]

NCT Dream Reacting to a cute & younger s/o

Requested x Thanks for the ask!

Mark Mark honestly finds you adorable, but I dont think that he would straight up baby you. You are a few years younger than him, but you are mature (most of the time) and he respects you for that. When he sees you acting cute- to get your own way, hed crumble, doing whatever it is that you so desperately wanted him to do. Hed pout, grumbling about how he was too easy to sway. You really, really felt like ice cream, but the icecream van was about to drive off, he quickly sprinted after it, laughing when it stopped so he could buy two ice creams, “this is your fault.” he said out of breath, as he jogged back over with two icecreams in hand. “why are you so cute” “its quite unfair, you know” hed mumble before kissing your temple, making your cheeks flare with a rose colour. “but i love it”

Renjun He lowkey loves the fact that he is older than you, and that he can baby you. I can see him being kind of clingy in private, and i think he really likes cute things; Whats all of those things in one? you. He wouldn’t be too bossy, but i think hed notice small things and look out for you, feeling as though he wants to protect you. It was late so you both decided to go home from the park you were at, “Baby its cold, where is your jacket?” “i left it at the park..” “aigoo, really?” “yea..” Hed take his jacket off and wrap it around you, holding your hand again after. Wouldnt make eye contact with you because he is blushing .

Jeno Jeno loves that youre younger than him, he teases you about it because he has somewhat authority over you. He also finds it adorable that youre shorter than him too. Rather than baby you, i feel as though he would moreso do little things to help you/ keep you safe, like if he knows horror movies would keep you up at night- hed persuade his hyungs to change their movie choice if you were over (and all of you wanted to watch a movie) or he would love to try and feed you, calling you his ‘baby’ and his ‘angel’ “here~ open wide baby” “i can feed myself..” you said with pink cheeks. “just let me feed you, it makes me happy seeing you eat.” “let me do it myself~” youd whine, making him chuckle at the cuteness. “since you asked so nicely. no . now open wide” “fine...”

Haechan Aside from Jaemin, i think Donghyuk would baby you the most. Most people would think he is just sassy- or hed tease you, but ive noticed just how clingy and soft this boy actually is, so i think around you especially, hed baby you, cling to you and just have constant heart eyes. Ofcourse hed make a few jokes about your height and age, compared to him, but hed reassure you that he loves you for it, and for being you. If you acted cute, hed melt, but also probably make it into a mini competition to see who could make the other smile first. “please~” youd whine, looking at the claw machine, there was a very cute kitten plush toy that you immediately loved. “but baby i wanna play the racing game~” hed whine back, he knew where this was going. you pouted, looking down at your hands before looking up at him. “i really love it, but i love you more, lets go do racing” His heart would flutter and hed stutter something about there being a line for the racing game and hes sure that he could win this quickly before you both went. He is whipped for you

Jaemin Clingy. yes he will baby you. this is FACT. This boy LOVES that you are younger, he finds you super adorable and has you set as his “little angel” in his contacts with approximately 7000000000+ heart emojis next to it. He always carries you places, loves holding your hand, and loves being dramatic. If there is a puddle, this little shit will take off his jacket, place it over the puddle, just so you can walk over it. He would constantly make you embarrassed in public, say you both had to catch a train, he had to ask the staff which would take you both to a certain place, He asked you to sit on the bench, and when he found out, hed yell “Y/N MY BABY, MY ADORABLE GIRLFRIEND, ITS THIS TRAIN”

Does it because he knows youll blush and get flustered, loves how you look so cute. if you EVER do aegyo for him, he would gift you the world, immediately becoming putty in your hands.

Chenle I think since Chenle is young also, he wouldnt baby you very much, since he is used to getting treated like that himself. He would definitely like the fact that you were younger though, loving the change of being able to have the upper hand. He would also tease you for being shorter, but hed always help you if you needed to reach something, never failing to act as though its a bother, he loves looking after you, just secretly. “you cant reach it again?” “you need my help? ofcourse you do~” hed have a smug look on his face. “you should really think about growing sometime soon..” But if you felt guilty about asking for help, and next time used a chair to try and climb up, hed get very scared that you could hurt yourself and immediately reassure you that he doesnt mind, he was only kidding. “okay” you said, looking down

Jisung

Again, another member that i dont think would obviously baby you, because theyre young. Since he is the maknae, he is used to getting treated like that, not the other way around. But i also feel as though he would be hyper aware of everything you do, he would be extremely protective and possessive, always holding your hand, or helping you do things, When you do aegyo, he doesnt show a reaction, but trust me he is trying very hard to stay neutral, especially if he is with the members, trying to avoid getting teased. He is also another member that would like being older, as he likes some authority. “isnt this cute?” youd say, in a sing-song voice, smiling and holding up a plushie. Yes . it was very cute. but his hyungs were also right there. “sure” hed say, smiling softly. Youd pout at the lack of reaction, and the pout is what gets him, hed pinch your cheek. “dont pout. sure, the plushie is cute, but you are cuter.” hed whisper, so they couldnt hear. END sorry for the long break! i have lots of exam preparations~ Thankyou for requesting and reading!~ -admin rose

#admin rose #nct #nct dream #nct dream reactions #nct reactions #reactions #kpop #kpop reactions #kpop scenarios #nct scenarios #nct dream scenarios #fanfic #kpop fancic #mark lee #huang renjun #lee jeno #lee donghyuck #na jaemin #zhong chenle #park jisung #dreamies #fluff

[dxlansdarling]

be there | e.d

Summary: You wanted to show your voice to the people you loved the most, but someone is missing.

Warning:  Kinda angst? But fluff at the end

Word count: 2.616

 Taking a deep breath, you closed your eyes. The microphone was in your hands, still turned off, but in a few minutes it wouldn’t be. You wanted this, you had spent the last week practicing and practicing every day for this moment. You have never sung for anyone else but yourself, and when you saw a huge paper on a music-bar, saying that they were looking for some voices; you couldn’t help but write your contact on it. This was your chance.

Knowing you were this nervous, you asked only a few people to come to see you: Grayson, your best friend, and his girl, which also happened to be your girl best friend. And of course, your beautiful boyfriend, Ethan. It was a huge surprise for him knowing that his girl could sing but never showed it, so of course he was excited to see you on the little stage. He was really tired and busy that week, but he said and promised he was going to make it.

The girl who was hosting the little show went up the stage as soon as the song that a band was playing ended. She smiled at the few people that where on the bar, and raised her microphone to her mouth so she could speak.

“So awesome!” she almost shouted, making the speaker creek because of her high sound. “It’s so sad that it’s coming to an end, but we have one more person that is going to take our breath away with her voice!”

She never heard me sing.

“Let’s welcome the beautiful and talented, Y/N!”

You took one last breath before showing yourself on the stage. You could hear some people clapping, other chattering, and suddenly, a little scream. Your cheeks instantly blushed. Grayson was hollering your name, and his girl was laughing beside him but clapping loudly. You would have smiled at them, you were really happy they were there. But when your eyes landed on the empty chair beside them, your heart stung.

He wasn’t there.

It seemed that your face showed your surprise and disappointment, because when you looked at Gray, he was looking at you too, but sadly. He shrugged his shoulders and mouthed an “I don’t know”. Swallowing your feelings as soon as you started to feel them trying to prick your eyes, you looked at the girl beside you.

“Thank you very much” you said, and clearing your throat, you showed your best smile “This song meant a lot to me when I was growing up, and as it is the first time I sing in public, I thought this was the chance to express myself with it”

You sat on the high chair that was on the middle of the stage, moving the microphone’s stick so it could be at your height while sitting. Looking at the guy that was waiting for your sign so the song could start, he nodded his head as soon as you looked at him and the song started playing.

  Me prendí fuego para despojarme (I set myself on fire to deprive myself)

Para desvestirme para desnudarme. ( To undress me, to undress me)

Me incendie toda para no quedarme (I set myself on fire so I couldn’t stay)

Ni aun ni en el viento podrás encontrarme. (Not even in the wind you will find me)

You felt betrayed. He promised he would be there. You understood the fact that he was busy and tired, but so were you every time you went with him everywhere. Recording his videos, editing them, making some videos with him and Gray; all that, knowing that sometimes there was no time to rest. You’d been dating for more than a year now, and in all that time, you have never asked for anything, because you didn’t need to. And the one time you asked him to be there for you, because you needed him to, he couldn’t do it.

  Y fui luz, fui destello (And I was light, I was flash)

Fui dolor, fui humana... (I was pain, I was human)

Cuando fuiste agua (When you were wáter)

Yo crecí en llamas (I grew up in flames)

Y cuando fuiste fuego (And when you were fire)

Me cayeron las lágrimas, lágrimas. (I cried tears, tears)

Y cuando fuiste sueño (And when you were a dream)

Yo estaba despierta (I was awake)

Y tú tan dormido (And you so asleep)

No te diste cuenta, ni cuenta. (You didn’t even notice, even notice)

  The tears were really trying to let themselves fall, but it was your first time on a stage, you didn’t want to cry, not even because of Ethan. You repeated yourself that, trying to soothe the pain inside your heart, while trying to continue with the song.

  Me prendí fuego para que me vieras ( I set myself on fire so you could see me)

Pero estabas ciego y ya no sentías (But you were blind and didn’t feel anything)

Y ahora qué quieres encontrarme toda (And now that you want to find me completely)

No hay fuego ni llama ni amor ni ceniza. (There is no fire, no flame, no love, no ashes)

  Y fui luz, fui destello (And I was light, I was flash)

Fui dolor, fui humana... (I was pain, I was human)

Cuando fuiste agua (When you were wáter)

Yo crecí en llamas (I grew up in flames)

Y cuando fuiste fuego (And when you were fire)

Me cayeron las lágrimas, lágrimas. (I cried tears, tears)

Y cuando fuiste sueño (And when you were a dream)

Yo estaba despierta (I was awake)

Y tú tan dormido (And you so asleep)

No te diste cuenta, ni cuenta. (You didn’t even notice, even notice)

  Soy el aire en ti, volando sin fin (I am the air on you, flying without end)

Soy la gota de amor volviendo a sumar (I am the drop of love added back again)

Soy tu alma sin luz que ya se olvidó (I am your sould without light that has already forgotten)

En ese corazón que ya se paró. (In that heart that has already stopped)

  You blinked so many times, you really did. You tried anything to stop the tears, but as soon as you felt the first one, then there was another, and another, and so it went. The people watching you probably thought you were emotional because of the song and the meaning it had for you, but only two of them that were looking at you intently knew the real reason behind your wet cheeks.

  Y fui luz, fui destello (And I was light, I was flash)

Fui dolor, fui humana... (I was pain, I was human)

Cuando fuiste agua (When you were water)

Yo crecí en llamas (I grew up in flames)

Y cuando fuiste fuego (And when you were fire)

Me cayeron las lágrimas, lágrimas. (I cried tears, tears)

Y cuando fuiste sueño (And when you were a dream)

Yo estaba despierta (I was awake)

Y tú tan dormido (And you so asleep)

No te diste cuenta, ni cuenta te diste. (You didn’t even notice, even notice)

  No te diste cuenta, ni cuenta. (You didn’t even notice, even notice)

No te diste cuenta, ni cuenta (You didn’t even notice, even notice)

No te diste cuenta, ni cuenta (You didn’t even notice, even notice)

No te diste cuenta, ni cuenta (You didn’t even notice, even notice)

No te diste cuenta, ni cuenta. (You didn’t even notice, even notice)

  A sob wanted to escape your mouth as soon as you stopped singing. You could hear people clapping again, others hollering, and other where whistling. You feel your heart proud of yourself, even though the pain, you felt proud of yourself. But the only person who you wanted to really be there, was somewhere else, not working because his brother was watching your perfomance, and forgot completely about your night.

You were more disappointed than proud.

 ♦

The ride back home was silent. The only noise you could hear was the beat of the song that was played on a radio station. Neither Gray nor his girl said anything about Ethan, not only because you didn’t want to ask, but because they also were pissed off with him. Gray tried to contact him all afternoon, but his brother was nowhere to be seen or known.

The car stopped in front to the twins’ house, and even when the engine stopped under you, you didn’t get off the car. You were alone at the back; you wanted to be there so you could silently cry your heart out without having someone next to you, looking at you or trying to comfort you.

You were really hurt.

Gray’s eyes met yours when both of you looked at the rear-view mirror. He sighed.

“I am going to kill him, I promise”

Smirking a little bit, you tried to joke with him.

“We will take turns.”

If Ethan didn’t die after his brother’s turn.

Closing the car’s door after you got out, you froze on your place when you heard an angry scream and a curse, followed by some orders or something like that. Grayson could hear it to, and looking sideways at you, he lunged at the door. You and his girlfriend went right behind him, trying to stop him while he was walking to his brother’s room. He was fuming and he was going to kill his brother.

Almost breaking the door, Grayson glared at his brother, who had his eyes wide opened, with one of the headphones behind his ears and the joystick in his hands. He didn’t even saw you behind Grayson, he was much bigger than you and you were easily hidden behind his back.

“Grayson, what the--? What’s wrong?”

Oh no.

“Are you fucking kidding me, Ethan?! ‘What’s wrong’?!” he exploded, walking to Ethan who instantly let his headphones fall as soon as he stood up from his computer chair “Where the fuck were you all this time?”

Ethan furrowed his eyebrows.

“I was here playing some games, we didn’t have to work today, did we?” he asked confused, still not looking at your direction. Grayson’s girlfriend almost slapped her forehead with her palm after hearing Ethan’s question. “Did something happen?”

If you didn’t speak, Grayson was going to murder him. So clearing your throat, you make yourself notice.

“You didn’t come, Ethan.”

His hazel eyes landed on you the moment he heard your voice, and you could see the worry on his stare as soon as he noticed your tear stained cheeks. He looked confused too, still not comprehending the situation.

“What do you mean? What did I miss?”

Before you could answer, Grayson shoved his phone onto his brother’s chest. Ethan looked down, and when the video his brother opened on his phone started playing, he was speechless. As he listened to you singing that beautiful song, his heart stung with guilt and regret. You sang beautifully, but his heart completely broke when he saw the tears falling of your eyes when you were on the stage. And he knew, he knew he fucked up so bad.

When the video finished, the room fell silent. You didn’t want to speak, you thought that if you tried to, only mumbles and incoherent words would come out. That’s how you were; shy and awkward when it comes to trying to not to break in front of someone. So instead of saying something, you excused yourself and walked as fast as possible to the nearest bathroom, where you locked yourself, and finally, let the sob you were trying to hold since the second you noticed Ethan’s absence at the bar.

You felt stupid for crying. It was supposed to be the best night ever, where you should be proud instead of sad and disappointed, which made things worse, because it angered you that your night ended like shit. If it wasn’t because you were trying to be so loud with your crying, the slam of a door would have scared you. That was probably Grayson going to his room, and you confirmed it when you heard Gray’s girl say some loud stuff to Ethan before slamming the door again.

It wasn’t until some seconds later, or probably a minute, that you heard some heavy footsteps walk up to the other side of the door.

“Y/N? Baby?” you heard Ethan’s soft voice call “Can-Can you please open? I want to apologize, like, so bad. I-I have no excuses, I know, but-please, can you unlock the door?”

A part of you didn’t want to open the door. You still needed to calm or soothe the pain in your heart, and you had a little bit of pride when it came to betrayal. But it was your silly and cute boyfriend the one who was begging you not only to open the door, but to forgive him. Yes, you were still pretty mad, but he did have his right to explain himself or at least make a good apologize speech before you break his nose with a slam of the door.

Unlocking the door, you sighed before opening it. You had to look up to stare directly at his eyes, the height difference between you two was huge. He still had his brother’s phone in his hands, but his hazel eyes were on you, and when he opened his mouth to say something, he closed his eyes.

“You have no idea how fucking sorry I am. I-I don’t know what happened to me, I don’t know how I could forget a date so important to you. I just don’t know. But what I know is that you’re amazing, you’re so beautiful and so talented. And meanwhile, I’m a jerk that doesn’t deserves to be listened to right now but that needs to tell you how sorry he is and how much he loves you. With all his heart. And I’m really proud of you, baby, you fucking slayed up there.”

You couldn’t help but laugh at the end of his speech, tilting your head backwards and shaking it while still laughing. He was good with words, not with dates, but he really mended all the pain with some words. And that was one of the many reasons you were in love with Ethan Dolan.

When he regretted something, he knew exactly what to say to make you believe he was sorry.

Your eyes landed on him again, and then on his hands that were playing with the corner of the phone’s case. That was his nervous habit, which made you smile a little bit, and looking at his eyes again, you sighed.

“I’m going to draw you a fucking calendar next time, okay?”

Ethan smiled.

“Big on my room’s wall please.”

Laughing again, you threw yourself into your boyfriend’s arms, that hugged you tightly and warmly against his chest. You felt his lips kiss the top of your head, and his chin rest on top of it after that. 

“I love you, baby, and I love your voice.”

Smiling against the soft material of his hoodie, you smelled his scent.

“I love you too, assclown.”

Not only he was good with his words, but also he was good when it comes to make ups. Because the next day, as soon as you woke up and walked to the kitchen to get your morning coffee, you felt you heart beat so fast at the sight of a little stage made up with some boxes and chairs, meanwhile Ethan was sitting with his legs crossed on the floor, with Grayson and his girl beside him.

He was there.

first imagine here♥ i really hope you like it!

#ethan dolan #imagine #dolantwins #dolan twins #ethan #dolan #grayson #grayson dolan #graysondolan #singing #angst #cute ending #cute ethan #fuming grayson #first imagine

[haberdashing]

The Spider and The Bee

Gwen Stacy gets a car that turns out to be more than meets the eye.

(Yes, this is a Spider-Verse/Bumblebee crossover fic. Yes, this is solely because Hailee Steinfeld plays both roles. So sue me.)

on AO3

Gwen Stacy gets a car for her sixteenth birthday, and she knows that she really should be grateful.

Her parents meant well, she’s sure. And a lot of kids her age would kill to have a car of their own. But to Gwen, the car seems like more trouble than it’s worth. Finding parking for it is generally more of a hassle than just dealing with the idiosyncrasies of the New York City subway system.

(Plus half the time she’s navigating the city, she’s doing it via web-slinging, but her parents don’t know about that part, and if she has any say in it, they never will.)

The car in question isn’t exactly endearing itself to her, either. It’s an old-fashioned Volkswagen Beetle, the kind that she thought had died off decades ago. It looks well-maintained enough, but even Gwen, who is far from an expert on cars, notices that the radio never works and that it sometimes takes multiple tries to start. Her father lets slip at one point that it was obtained in a bust on a chop shop upstate, and honestly, it doesn’t surprise her. An ignoble origin for an ignoble vehicle.

Oh, and the Volkswagen Beetle is yellow. Not a nice, subtle, pastel yellow, either. It’s a bright yellow, a nauseatingly in-your-face yellow, a shade of yellow that reminds her of bumblebees and kindergarten crayons.

Gwen Stacy likes stealth, when she can get it, and this car is anything but stealth.

But she still uses the car from time to time, when where she wants to go is either hard to get to via public transit or off the map entirely. She lies through her teeth about how much she loves the car and appreciates having it.

She even gives it a name, as is their family tradition. She dubs it Bee.

Gwen tells her parents that the name Bee is because the car is the same shade of yellow as some species of bees, and that it’s also short for Beetle, and she’s not lying when she says it, not exactly.

But Bee (or B) can be short for a lot of other things, too. Like Beware. Or Beneath me. Or Below average.

And there’s also how the car always smells like honey, to the point where Gwen honestly wouldn’t be surprised to find out that there was a beehive hidden away somewhere inside the car.

There’s also that, while spiders can kill bees, sometimes the reverse is possible as well. It fits how Gwen always feels herself tensing up when she enters the car, how she’s not entirely sure if she’s joking when she tells friends that that car will be the death of her.

But much as Gwen dislikes the car, she has to admit that it’s handy to have around sometimes.

There’s one night in particular where she just wants to get away from it all, and she drives and drives until asphalt turns to dirt, until New York City is just a twinkle in the distance. Once she’s sure that she’s well and truly in the middle of nowhere, Gwen gets out of the car, sits on the ground, and gazes up at the stars.

(She feels a pang of loss when she remembers how Peter always had the constellations memorized, how he would have pointed out stars in the sky and named them all until the sun had risen over them. But Peter wasn’t here now, never would be again because of her, and without his help she couldn’t so much as find the Big Dipper.)

It’s nice to have a moment to just sit there and relax. She doesn’t have to think about her life back in New York, about all the pressures placed upon her both as Gwen Stacy and as Spider-Woman. She can just take in the beauty of the stars and the soft, cool breeze that makes the trees gently sway in the wind and forget the rest of the world entirely.

That is, until she glances over at her car and finds that it’s not there, and that some sort of robot had taken its place.

...or rather, as she looks closer and notices the robot’s bright yellow color under the pale light of the moon and stars, that her car had somehow turned itself into some sort of robot.

Gwen stands up immediately and blurts out the first words that come to mind.

“Are you my car?”

She sees the transformation this time, sees the metal twist and turn and shift into place as what had been a robot turned itself back into the Volkswagen Beetle that she had grown to know, if not love.

“You- you can change back, it’s alright.”

It-

No, that doesn’t feel right. Gwen had already half thought of Bee as a “he” even before her personification of the car became so, well, literal.

He changes back into his robotic shape. His form is generally humanoid, with what looked like a face holding big blue eyes that were shining right at her.

Gwen hopes that she was right in thinking that this spot was in the middle of nowhere, hopes that it’s obscure enough that nobody else would see what her car had become.

“Can you understand me?”

Bee makes a strange noise, one that she could swear sounded a bit like a bumblebee’s buzz, and one that she definitely didn’t know how to interpret.

“Nod your head if you can understand me.” Gwen demonstrates, and Bee replies in kind.

Okay, so they have a language in common. That’s good. Just thinking about trying to invent a language that humans and robots could share is enough to give Gwen a bit of a headache.

“Can you talk?”

Bee buzzes at her again. She thinks she knows what that means, but she wants to be sure.

“Shake your head like this if you can’t talk.” Gwen shakes her head, and so does Bee.

That was... less good. It would be a lot easier if they could talk to one another about what was going on rather than just Gwen asking questions and Bee having to gesture out his responses. But then, nothing in Gwen’s life ever seemed to come easy.

“Are there others like you?” she asks.

Bee stays silent and still for a long moment.

“Or do you not know?”

Bee shakes his head without prompting and lets out a soft whirring noise that sounds a bit like a sigh.

Okay. So not only does she not know the big picture here, he doesn’t either. They are both utterly clueless.

They’re so screwed.

“That’s fine, that’s fine!” Gwen’s voice turns oddly high-pitched as she tries to reassure Bee, the palms of her hands raised and facing towards him. “We can work this out. I’ll help you. We can do this.”

Bee stands up, and Gwen realizes for the first time just how tall he is. He definitely couldn’t fit in her family’s tiny garage like that. And she feels small in comparison, tiny compared to this massive robot facing her, and she has a suspicion that Bee feels the same way.

Gwen’s heart races as she gets an idea of how she can prove to him that she’s not as incapable as she appears. It’s a risk, sure. But he had just revealed what had to be his biggest secret to her, and it felt right to reciprocate the gesture.

She doesn’t have her full Spider-Woman suit with her, hadn’t thought it necessary to bring it all the way out to the middle of nowhere.

(That was probably for the best, really; she probably would have left it in the car, and she suspects that anything in the car has been crushed and mutilated beyond recognition by now, though if all she lost because of her giant robot car was the handful of emergency supplies she left in the trunk and the spare outfit and papers she kept in the glove compartment, that would count as a win in her book.)

But she does have her web-shooters, tucked under her sleeves, just in case.

Gwen shoots one web out onto Bee’s left arm, then another onto his right arm. The webs send her soaring upwards, and she leaps with all her power until she and Bee are face-to-face. She does a flip in the air as she descends, balancing on the tips of her toes for a moment before letting her entire feet hit the ground.

She takes a bow at the end of her little performance, though she highly doubts that Bee would understand the meaning of it.

“Bee, meet spider.”

Gwen isn’t sure of the exact meaning behind Bee’s excited whirring and buzzing, but she assumes it was some kind of positive feedback directed her way.

“We should probably head back in a bit, before my dad starts asking too many questions.” Gwen says. “But first, can I take a picture of you? I have some-”

Gwen laughs quietly to herself, partly because this whole situation is completely and utterly absurd, but partly because she knows just a few short months ago she never would have envisioned herself saying what she was about to say next.

“-some friends who might be able to help us. And I think the first step is letting them get a look at you.”

Bee nods, and Gwen dutifully pulls out her cell phone and snaps a photo of her robot car.

Gwen has a thousand more questions that she feels like asking, but she has a feeling that Bee doesn’t know the answers to most of them either. So instead of trying to get more information out of Bee, she just sighs and says, “Bee, let’s head home.”

Bee turns back into a Volkswagen Beetle, and Gwen steps inside, and she doesn’t feel quite as tense upon entering Bee as she usually did, probably because she knows now why the car had always left her feeling vaguely on edge, and it had nothing to do with it being old-fashioned or bright yellow.

They pass the time on the drive back to New York City in silence, because Gwen doesn’t want to risk people seeing her talk to her car and the radio still isn’t working. And Gwen begins to get a pit in her stomach as it dawns on her that she now has two huge secrets to keep instead of just one.

Because her life wasn’t complicated enough before, apparently.

#bumblebee the movie #bumblebee #transformers #bumblebee fic #into the spider-verse #into the spiderverse #spider-man #spider-man: into the spider-verse #spider-gwen #personal #my writing #might write more of this if i get ideas for it idk #also naming a car is actually a family tradition for me #our current cars are reese and z

[entitynotincluded]

April 5th 2019;

2:56 am/4:05 am

I cant sleep and my whole body is physically aching. All these people that hurt me keep cycling through my mind.

First my dad... Luis... Why could you never show me love or even that you were proud of me. My youngest memories are of you being drunk and passed out. Yet I still loved you and idolized you with all my heart. You were my strong and hilarious dad! No one could stop you! You were out all day keeping the bad guys in jail so how could you be bad? When the divorce happened and you disappeared entirely. Any part of you that I thought I had was gone and I lost the dad I had grown so attached to. Any love that I felt you had for me left and it felt like an eternity till you said “I love you” to me again. I know you’ve said you love me before.. But that was when I was so young. I barely remember it. After all this time why? Why did you finally say it right as you left me again.

Mom... I don’t remember much before the divorce.. I wish I did. I wish I could remember you’re smile from back then. Who you were before my dads lies and cheatings were discovered. I see all these pictures of you back then. You looked so light and happy. Now when you smile I feel uneasy at times. When we left dad you started to drink and party... a lot. Living with Nana feels like the begining of the nightmare. That’s when you would go to work, come home to change and then head out again. Till you’d come home covered in the scent of booze, cologne and sweat. You’d just climb in bed, laughing because I had turned your creepy dolls away from me so they werent looking at me, then pass out. You never could tell that I had spent all night crying... worried you wouldnt return. I sat in that room staring out the window just waiting for you. I just wanted the mom that would read and sing me to sleep back. I wanted so badly for you to just be my loving mom again. I thought you being gone was the worst. Soon I learned you being there was living hell.

When you were with Luis still sure you guys would pull my ear and spank me... That was so rare though. After the split though... It was like a switch flipped in you and I became the punching bag to all your frustrations. It felt like everyday you would be hitting my ass raw. Pulling my ear so hard and constantly that it felt like it would fall off. Shaming me in public. Did you feel powerful bending me over in those stores, all those people watching, and just hitting me till I was screaming in pain because I could barely stand anymore. You would be worse behind closed doors. I wasn’t allowed outside a lot because I was always grounded or I hadn’t cleared my plans with you at least a week in advance. I lived in constant fear of you. When the front door opened.. what mood would you be in?? How long could I hide in my room before you came for me?? Some days you would just come home; tell me to go to my room, take off my pants and bend over. Thats you be there soon with the spoon or spatula. I can still remember how that wood felt on my bare skin. The marks that were left. The tears that would seem to never stop. “I’ll stop when you stop crying. Why are you still crying?” I learned to not cry because of that. Emotions would only bring me pain so why did I need them? After you would leave though and that door would close (that is if it was allowed to be closed, which it usually wasnt) I would just cry. Forcing myself to be quiet so I wouldn’t draw your attention again. I’m an adult now so you don’t do that to me now. Yet I still feel so much fear to you sometimes.

Harleigh/Zeih... You were supposed to love me. Did you ever really care about me? Or was I just someone you dated cause why not?? You were polyamourous, yeah I was ok with that. I just wanted to know I had a special part in your heart. You could do what you wanted with people and I would have been fine with it. BUT you hid it from me. You withdrew from me and slept with some of my at the time closest friends. I had to learn from your roommate that you were having sex with these people. Then to have your dad call me and defend you? All I wanted was for you to reach out to me.. Talk to me. For when you saw me.. AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN!! To come after me and just show some form of guilt or caring. But no.. You iust watched me break every time and cry while trying to run and hide.

You probably never learned this but... one of the people you were busy spending all your time with... Romancing and screwing... That son of a bitch would later take advantage of me. Thats for later in this hell of a post though. First you Harleigh.. You get to know how what you did affected me... I already had trust and abandonment issues. You knew this... After this though... I just lost all sense of trust. Those I dated after you were because I felt the need to say yes not cause I wanted to. I remeber one guys name after you and thats cause I know I hurt him and for that I’m truly sorry. It took YEARS for me to finally, FINALLY feel attached to someone again. To fully love them. He is so much to me but god damn am I terrifed. I’m so scared of history repeating. You know why I’m so scared?? Because of you Harleigh... Harleigb you are the reason my heart fucking turned to dust. After you I stopped eating because maybe you found my body disgusting?? I identified as Asexual at the time but had been willing to have sex if that was what you really desired from me. I was willing to be that vulnerable with you. Yet you twisted it and shattered me. I stopped eating, my body would just start puking everyday... I lost all sense of time.

That is until Sam.

Sam... You through all of this had been there for me to go to and cry. When hugged me it felt like a shield. I thought you were my genuine friend. I called you my older brother sometimes for gods sake. But no... You took my trust and shattered it too. I just wanted a ride to my best friends house after a long day of guys being creepy and flipping my skirt up. You offered me a ride so I could avoid the creeps on the bus. Did you plan to take me up to that hill/mountaint that day? When did you deside that was the destination? All I remember is Ninja Sex Party playing in your speakers and driving past my friends house. I was so confused but I trusted you.

I got out of that car and looked at the view you had wanted me to see.

I sat on the rock like you told me to.

I was being the good little girl everyone told me to be.

Then next thing I know.. your mouth is on mine. Your hands just touching and clawing at my chest. Suddenly you had pushed my skirt up.. it felt like you were clawing at my tights... like you would rip them off at any second.. You had asked if I wanted you to go in my underwear. How many god damn times did I say no and shake my head??? Were my tears not enough for you?!!!! Apparently not. Your strong hands that had held me so many times suddenly were violating me. I remember your touch on my vagina.. You made a comment about how I shouldnt be embarrassed that I wasnt bare down there. You finallt took me to my friends house when you were done with me and after that you never spoke to me again.

Dylan... you were a minor part in all of this. You were just a boy that wanted his dick to get sucked. And I was just a boy that wanted some weed. Yet that wasn’t all... you knew I had a small crush on you... You joked about it to me. You led me along and ditched me right as one of my close friends that you liked started talking to you again. You left me like some road kill. Why couldnt you at least stay and be my friend?? No. You had to completely stop talking to me. So for that fuck you. You never cared when I cried. Never came when I was crying and on the verge. Just begging for some form of help.

After all this I tried to stop eating and existing. I went to an out patient program and acted like a good recovering depressed child. I just wanted to play happy until the day I snapped and killed myself. Now though... Now I feel so happy. Everyday I get to talk to the love of my life. He sees my pain. It scares him yes. But it doesn’t scare him away. If anything it brings him closer. He wants to be there for me and I want to be there for him. I don’t have to be fake happy anymore.

I just get to be genuinely happy!

He makes living through all of this worth it and so much more. There will be hard times in the future. I accept this. Yet I feel so much more prepared to face it as long as I have my soulmate, James. He makes me not hate the world anymore. In fact now I don’t hold hate towards any of these people except you Sam.

My mother: I love her dearly even though she terrifies me

My father: I want to trust you and feel a bond if that were possible

Dylan: We were both so young I just hope you learned and are a better person now

Harleigh: I hope you find joy in your life. Though it would bring me so much joy if you could see like once in public with my James. I just want you to see how much better of a person he is than you will EVER be.

#ramblings #feelings #text

[evswiftie]

Full breakdown on how I relate look what you made me do to all the past times I've been sexually assaulted

" I don't like your little games" -When I was 11 and swimming in the public pool at the YMCA and this 30 year old man asked if he could play with me in the pool and pick me up and throw me in the water but he "had to touch me here first (he digitally raped me) ( I didnt even know what a Vagina is or does as that age) -When I was 12 and my dads best friend who lived in my house would tell my parents he would watch after me when they went out but instead forcibly touched me and made me touch him. And he would bang on my bedroom door when I was pressing up against it shut because it didn't have a lock, he would offer me to play outside with him on my trampoline just so he could be on top of me and suck in my nipples again but I screamed to leave me alone. When the guy in sophomore year of high school who I had my first real big crush on told me I could trust him so I told him all about my life and he was my first kiss but then right after, he threw me on the ground grabbed my hand and made me give him a hand job and then went around school taunting me by mocking me with my secrets I told him and told people I was a slut. And he call me during the middle of the night threatening that if I didn't send him nudes he would make worse rumors and spread them around. When the 20 year old guy who took my virginity from me raped me when I was 16 tried to email me, text me and follow me on Instagram as if time passing had changed everything. BITCH DONT TALK TO ME. When the guy who molested me outside of a bar gave me the excuse the next day that he was to drunk to know what he was doing even though I saw him get in his car and drive away and text me that night he made it home safe. IF YOURE SOBER ENOUGH TO DRIVE YOURE SOBER ENOUGH TO NOT SEXUALLY MOLEST SOMEONE WHO IS TO INTOXICATED TO STAND STRAIGHT. " I don't like your tilted stage " AKA an uneven playing field. When the guy who "had to" digitally rape me in the YMCA swimming pool knew i was to young to know what was happening to me and I was easy to listen to adults so he told me not tell anyone so I stayed quiet about it until I was 17. -When the guy who was my dads best friend knew I was a caring kid and wouldnt tell anyone so my dad wouldn't loose a friend so he took advantage of me. And when I finally told my dad and he made his friend come to the house to confront him DUDE WAS SPEAKING 100% Spanish so I couldnt know what he was saying against me. -When the guy I trusted in high school majorly taunted me outside school and was so sneaky about how he did on school grounds so he wouldnt get in trouble -When the guy who raped me at age 16 asked me if i was ready and I said "I dont know, I think I am" but he was controlling and forceful and went on top of me and I hated it and was to scared to run away or tell him to get off me. -When the guy who molested me outside the bar did it where no one could see and theres not cameras so there was no proof and he apologized the next day. "The role you made me play, of the fool, no I dont like you" All of these people made me play the delusional crazy girl whose making shit up for attention " i don't like your perfect crime, How you laugh when you lie -When I was tired of staying silent for ten years so I finally decided to report something horrible happening to me , at the age of 22 sobbing in the car feeling worthless and like nothing but a sex toy, like my feelings dont matter because all Ill ever be is my body and nothing more, I picked up the phone and called the police, they told me that because I was talking to the guy in the bar before him molesting me he probably thought I wanted it so they told me I should accept his apology. They told me that because I cant remember because I was to intoxicated to remember clearly if he forcibly grabbed my hand and put it down his pants or if I put my hands down there it doesn't even count as sexual assault. Even tho I KNO I was screaming to get out. "You said the gun was mine, isn't cool, no, I don't like you"(oh!) They always tell you to report things but then when you do they dont do anything to help "But I got smarter, I got harder in the nick of time, Honey, I rose up from the dead, I do it all the time" -After being denied of reporting my most recent sexual assault I was in hysterics sobbing in my car realizing that anyone can do anything they want to me and feel like such a low life and absolutely nothing and get away with it. Snot and tears were everywhere and I was messaging my friends saying I cant live like this anymore, whats the point? When Im just going to be tossed from guy to guy simply for their pleasure while they take my dignity from me, when all I get is cat called and harassed and pressured to give myself to them I lifted my head up and realize that if 22 year old erica can't get justice then 11year -16 year old Erica can, NO MATTER what those abusers say to deny it or beat around the bush they WILL go fucking down because I was a MINOR. And theyre not getting out of it with that crime "I've got a list of names and yours is in red, underlined" -after realizing im gonna come for blood I picked up the phone and called up the police dept and said I'm reporting a sexual assault from 10 years ago and this was at midnight when the police showed up at my house to get a written statement and proceeded to list off every other time I was sexually assaulted . To which the officer accused me of "cop shopping" BITCH YEA. Because I didn't get what I wanted from the first one. BITCH YOU RIGHT IM GONNA KEEP REPORTING IT UNTIL SOMEONE LISTENS. "I check it once, then I check it twice, oh" -Did they really sexually assault me if I didnt scream "no" and "rape" and push and shove my way out ? Yes okay ! Just gotta double check I know what happened to me before others tell me over exaggerating! "Ooh, look what you made me Look what you made me do Look what you just made me Look what you just made me Ooh, look what you made me Look what you made me do Look what you just made me Look what you just made me do" -the next morning after listing off these names to the rude police officer I slept until noon, got up in my grown up boss ass outfit, got in my red buggy and zoomed to the YMCA with my sunglasses feeling like a bad ass scene from a movie, I catwalked into the YMCA to the chorus of LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO and I said I need to see a manager and report an incident then that manager came over and I told her everything that happened in that public pool to me and she was dumb founded because they have a "no tolerance policy" "I don't like your kingdom keys, they once belonged to me, you asked me for a place, locked me out then threw a feast (WHAT?!)" -Every single one of these manipulating sexual abusers have affected me in so many ways for the rest of my life. I went to couseling in high school and my recent new Doctor , those two told me that a lot of how I act, talk and think has to do with the after affects and symptoms of being sexually abused and that a portion in my FUCKING BRAIN paused on developing and has a fog over it and cant pay attention to things and I am easily forgetful and space out way more often than the normal person. I DONT LIKE HOW THESE SICK FUCKS HAVE THE KEYS TO THE PERSON I AM TODAY. I don't like that the like psychos who molested me when I was a pre teen took something from me I never had,finding myself at such a crucial age and my confidence I had as a kid. "The world moves on, another day, another drama, drama." While I've been in the deep state of depression and feeling empty I stand there and notice how everyone else lives goes on and theyre happy mean while Im dead on the inside "But not for me, not for me, all I think about is karma" -But while Im standing there feeling like everyone can just pretend like it never happened to me even when I told them , I cant help but think of the the sexual abusers getting put in jail or getting their lives taken away from them because they deserve that. "And then the world moves on, but one things for sure Maybe I got mine, but you all get yours" -Maybe for now my karma for trying to go out for fun was to be molested by a boy ll be punished for what you did. " I don't trust nobody and nobody trusts me be the actress starring in your bad dreams I dont trust nobody and nobody trusts me" -when the boy in high school spread all these awful rumors about me and showed the nudes I sent him (because he threatened me) to his classes, I lost friends at school , no one wanted to talk to me and in return I was left being fearful for the rest of my life that anyone could leave me at any moment. .. " I don't trust nobody" -I turned to all the people whose ever told me " I'll be there for you if you ever need anything "but when that something i need is to tell someone about how I was sexually assaulted they tell everything except things that will actually lift my soul up and make me feel better but no one cares enough to actually check up on me after hearing a horrible traumatic thing happening to me because I don't have the energy to come to people myself every day and come forward on how low I feel. I had people tell me to "just go home" when I'd call them up sobbing in my car and ask them if I could come over for them to comfort me. I've had people literally leave me because I confronted them about only sending me a sad face or "I'm sorry" and nothing more. LIKE. MAYBE SEND ME THE CLEAN SOEECH IDK. I'm desperate to hear some words of encouragement but no people HATE confrontation So much they'll just leave me instead of owning up and offering me anything more then a sad face through a text and their sympathy. "I'll be the actress starring in your bad dreams" -Im coming for revenge , I'm gonna make you pay for what you did to me so I'll be in your nightmares "I'm sorry the old Erica can't come to the phone right now, why? OH , cuz she's dead" It's been months since I was sexually assaulted last and the scared old fragile me is dead and I'm becoming this new fierce woman who protects myself. I have two open sexual assault cases open right now and I'm looking for mental health help and okay, I'm overly distracted , it's like there's this fog over my mind and I can't see or think clearly and it's affecting my every day life, I can't do well at work and when I'm in a normal conversation , and cry myself to sleep when I feel worthless. But I've found time can heal most anything. P.s Taylor I admire you so much for defending yourself during your sexual assault trial, I heard you got sassy.. I would have to... it's pretty annoying when you have to relive the incident numerous amount of times and people don't believe you so you have to say it over and over again until you just start to cry because you just want justice. My parents didn't report to the police about the guy who was my dads best friend touching me when I was 12 because they knew all the interviews and questions I would be asked and they didn't want me to relive it m, I was 12 and scared..... 10 years later I got the guts to do but only because i can't live like his anymore unneeded something to matter so i went for justice, I had a interview for a detective and police man in an office in the police station, it was video recorded and everything, they asked me about every little detail of all the 4 times he molested me, it was awful and I cried so much during the whole thing I told them how he took something away from me I never really had as a 12 year old.. my confidence and finding who I am. And saying that out loud made me cry even more but I felt like it was necessary to say so they could believe me and see how much he hurt me. They said it's going to take a long to time to be able to find the him and when they do I need to be prepared for him to deny it and if so we might go to court. I Do NOT have the money for that at all but taylor, I heard you are donating to foundations that help girls defend themselves and I might have to use that and in SO BEYOND THANKFUL. For those foundations and for you helping out. They thanked me for my time and as the detective walked me out to the the main door she said " maybe you'll be able to inspire other girls and let them know it's never to late to report it" and in that moment I felt so inspired... now I feel SO passionate about being a mental health advocate, I have my AA degree so I'll be going back to college and get my psychology degree. I'm gonna kick ass. P.s.s I'm sorry if this post triggered anyone with anything I talked about but I really wanted to let taylor know how I relate to her music P.s.s Taylor i am SO sorry for what you had to go through being sexually assaulted, it really does turn a light off on your personality and I wish I could just take all your pain away, you have been there for me through EVERYTHING and I just want to be there for you and hold your hands through every step . @taylorswift

#reputation #taylorswift #look what you made me do

[chickenfetus]

ALL!!!! (also the gemini sqUAD LOL)

im gonna enjoy a nice cup of water while doing this bc idk a tea (update i didnt drink water at all and now im dying of thirst,, also undercut bc many)

1: Golden mornings or peachy sunsets?

i dont wake up early enough to see the sunrise and when i do i never manage to take pics bc of school so peachy sunsets

2: Sugar cones or waffle cones?

idk what a sugar cone is but i like waffle cones!!! havent eaten ice cream with a cone in forever though,, i rarely eat ice cream now

3: Do you wear scarves often? do you have a favorite?

listen…. its about 33 degrees everyday but even if im in a colder country i dont wear scarves

4: How long do you lay in bed before you finally get up?

this depends?? on how motivated im feeling lmao never more than 10 minutes though because if i lay awake for that long ill just fall back asleep

5: Is there a food you’ve never had but always wanted to try?

i dont think so?? im bad at trying new things especially food

6: What does your umbrella look like?

i dont.. go outside often and whenever i do i take public transport so basically everythings sheltered so i never had a need for umbrellas

7: Do you listen to ASMR?

ive only listened to one everybody please listen to this gift

8: Rain storms or a light drizzle?

both, preferably when im indoors

9: What’s a little thing in life that you love?

hm??????????? my tags lmao 

UPDATE: i also really like reading other people’s tags and their rambles that is all

10: Favorite color aesthetic?

does the word aesthetic make this question any different from a normal favourite colour question???? if it doesnt then sky blue 

11: Wobbly lines or using a ruler?

in this house we draw lines with no ruler like men (but also because even if i did use a ruler it wouldnt be like… straight idk i cant use rulers

12:  Bright colorful living room or neutral cozy living room?

neutral cozy living room but i also love basking in sunlight 

13: Do you have any candles? what scents are they?

im not a big fan of heavy smelling products so i dont own any candles

14: Have you ever rode a horse?

i dont think so??????? ive seen horses before though

15: Do you have glasses?

without my glasses i wouldnt be able to read these questions lmao and . .. theyre also a result of watching pokemon too closely to the tv at a young age… its been like 10 years since i got glasses

16: What’s a language you’d like to speak?

japanese i tried speaking it but i got 2 embarrassed to say anything properly while i was in japan (i cant even speak english properly to a friend whyd i think i could speak another language to a stranger beats me) 

17: What’s your favorite season and favorite month in that season?

my singaporean no season ass: ? but autumn and november (is this cutting it too close to winter? idk my seasons)

18: Do you have a favorite pair of socks?

hm not really i just wear blue ankle socks a lot but my friend did give me a pair of pokemon and gudetama socks before and i adore those although i lost the gudetama ones in the uk last year she got me another pair whatd i do to deserve her?

19: Favorite Ghibli and/or disney movie

m .. um? big. hero 6?????? 

20: Disney, Dreamworks, or Pixar?

my dumb ass didnt know they were different

21: What snacks do you usually get at the theater?

i rarely go and watch movies anymore but when i did watch a lot of movies with my friend at the theater we’d get afternoon shows and sneak mcdonalds in lmao

22: What’s an underrated video game/ movie/ show you love and think it needs more recognition?

how about band? day6 i only ever play pokemon + sif + bandori so i cant say much and i rarely watch movies and a show? if its an anime id say the one i mentioned before in my one text post 

23: Would you fill your house with plants if you had a green thumb?

not really rip 

24; All plants are great but do you have a favorite?

HM mmmmmm there was this one but i forgot the name lmao pass

25: Do you have a favorite type of art style? (eg: soft looking, no to little color, sketches, crisp and clean, minimalist, pixel art etc.)

when im the … audience? what do u call it???? i like seeing all kinda of art styles!!! everyone has their own unique art style and i love it all :o

for ME,, , ive been doing art for 6 years maybe and i still cant do shit

26: What would you do if someone gave you flowers?

i would die straight up die thats such a soft concept i cant imagine myself receiving flowers thats 2 sweet oh my god wtf id combust??? i prefer leaves though is that weird i picked some nice leaves recently and im gonna give those to my friends

27: Do you like nicknames?

giving and having nicknames is my favorite past time

28: Do you still watch shows you watched when you were a kid? even from time to time?

pokemon lmao thank u 4 not ending it…. the animation has only improved and im so proud to have been watching it since the start pokemon is my special thing i love it so much!! an interest that never died down, with an anime that stays super like idk to my preference? i tried watching the new digimon stuff but i just couldnt :^( im glad they made ash stay the main character 

29: Do you still like old memes? (tell the truth)

never forget dat boi

30: Favorite Halloween costume you dressed up as? (if you don’t celebrate halloween have you ever cosplayed or would you like to? who did you cosplay as?)

we dont celebrate halloween and i would never cosplay, big shoutout to cosplayers though!!! they put in so much effort and just, respect!!!!! 

i dont know if this is an actual memory because i dont remember well but when i was younger i thiNK? i had to dress up as a swan thing i have no clue i dont even remember the performance but i might have had to ?? and dance??? or act i dont remember everythings fuzzy but i dressed up a swan once? in kindergarten ????? 

31:  Are you a fashionable person?

i have the worst fashion sense and even though jeans are nice once again the weather here doesnt allow me to be as fashionable as i can be

32: Do you like watching holiday movies?

not realyyy??? the jack frost (rip) movie was ncie????

33:  Cookies or brownies?

i live 4 chocolate chip cookies but too much is . . not preferable

34: Do you blow in the cold air just to see your breath?

no i hate breathing in & out from my mouth

35: Do you find the crickets chirping outside your window relaxing?

WELL from the great cockroach ordeal last night id probably die bc we live in an apartment building so the only way id be hearing crickets would be if they were in the ROOM 

36: Do you like cobblestone streets?

my only knowledge of cobblestone is from minecraft so idk

37:  How often do you doodle?

when school was still relevant i would doodle as soon as i picked up a pencil lmao i try not to anymore bc i doodled on my math assignment and forgot to fucking erase it and my math teacher called me out

38: When was the last time you blew bubbles?

a year ago?? i dont remember but i do remember when i was younger id try and blow bubbles at the void deck do yall kno what that is its just a space near the lift lobby anyway i swallowed the soap thing idk u know how ur supposed to blow? well i sucked the soap in yum

39: What’s your favorite random piece of decor in your house and room?

in my room its the bed and in the house its the water bottle that contains water

40: Do you bite your fingernails off or clip them more often?

i………………………… i dont actualy kno how to clip my nails and my mum would kill me if i tried but i dont bite my nails either

41: Any birthmarks?

not that i know of

42: Thoughts on freckles?

ive never actually seen someone with freckles in public before but theyre good stuff i gueess?? i dont actually have an opinion on them? everyone says theyre cute and all but im just ??? not that i hate freckles tho if u have freckles? thats cool! 

43: First video game you ever played?

pokemon pearl?? either that or megaman on my ps3 OR the bomb square guy????? idk the game name but.. ya

44: what type of bird do you hear most often outside your door?

i dont know what the bird species are but theyre small black birds not crows idk

45: Do you use gifs/ memes a lot when replying to people?

memes yes gifs no bc im not lame like jen

46: Thoughts on spring?

no comment?? i mean? its nice??????? i guess ??? if we had a spring

47: Ideal temperature outside?

oh boy 20 degrees would be enough for me but its never gotten that low before sunny island’s life

48: Cloudy, partly cloudy, or clear skies?

i like clear skies when its bright! but not too sunny and not too warm!!!!! clouds are nice to look at too though

49: How often do you hear airplanes outside?

yeah we live near an airport i dont think anybody uses????

50: Do you enjoy windy days?

windy days are my SHIT back in school our basketball court was open spaced and whenevr wind blew we could feel it man thats the life right there but i hate windy days when im sitting at home bc it flows the curtains rigth into my face i like the feel of the wind and the smell of fresh air but… curtains in my face? not 2 great so rip i close all the windows lmao

okay thank u so much 4 asking falen i love you and wow this was a lot

#im laughing icb i asked u to ask me thank u for asking #ur a good pal #softshouyous #asks

[elioryab]

Coming Out...Again

I’ve been going thru a lot lately. And by lately I mean the last few years. I’ll skip over the mental health stuff, and the sexual assault stuff bc while it is quite relevant it’s not the point of this. (And if you’re really curious stalk my blog or my twitter I’m quite open about everything) 

I’ve been, not quite terrified, and maybe not ashamed, but something. I have never given myself permission to feel how I really feel. To allow myself to even think of the possibility. 

I know I’m being super vague. Apologies. I’m not sure even how to say what I need to. 

About a month ago I took a 2 week hiatus from my main account on twitter. I knew I was on the verge of a breakdown and I didn’t know how to deal with it with the constant streams of tweets. 20+ years of repressed emotions and realities and thoughts and dreams came crashing down on me all at once and I knew I couldn’t run away anymore. The debilitating anxiety was a wake up call that I shouldn’t run away anymore. 

So I started to verbally express what I was thinking to a friend who has been in kinda the same situation. And he had some suggestions. But mostly he just let me talk bc I’d never said these things out loud. Never let myself believe I could. So I talked. And talked. And imagined what it would be like to finally be myself. 

I came out when I was 17-I’m 35 now. And I never in a million years thought I’d ever be back in the closet. But in reality I never left, not really. 

But as I watched the show Shadowhunters, and became more and more attached to Harry Shum Jr’s Magnus, and more and more invested in Matthew Daddario’s Alec, I realized that I was in a fandom of acceptance. And I had 4 men who embraced the truest self. And I had never felt more at peace with being okay with who I am. I know that’s a lot to put on 2 strangers, but it’s very existential to watch characters, queer characters, who have broken out of their shell, and love themselves. Two actors who have embraced and been embraced by the queer community so whole heartedly. And if they can do that just by playing a part, then I can stop playing a part and be real. 

My therapist doesn’t know. I never know how to say it. My best friends don’t know bc they know this 1 version of me, and not my whole self and how do I tell them I’m not exactly who I even thought I was? 

After extensive research and Tumblr stalking and googling and soul searching I know now. 

I’m genderfluid. It’s so exhilarating to say it out loud. To know I can. To know who I am. I’ve always felt like part of me was male. I’ve always said my voice sounds male. I’ve always felt like I should have a penis. But I never let myself ever really imagine a world where that would be allowed. But I’m also female. I take pride in my femininity. I think my boobs are great. I’m far less thrilled with my vagina but not because I hate being a girl just bc it’s not all the useful. (Yeh kids but by the time I have the opportunity I’ll probably be too old anyway). 

I bought a packer, a suggestion by Steph, the guy I talked to about this, and when I pressed the checkout button it just felt right. This is who I am. And I won’t be ashamed or afraid anymore. It’ll take some time to get used to other personal pronouns, but I’ll go by any. Which ever makes the person using them feel more comfortable. 

It’s funny really. When I was in my early 20s i have a gender identity crisis.  I started doing drag to help me figure things out.  At the time I knew I appreciated my female body very much.  I remember enjoying the feeling of packing, I was even complimented on it.  I couldn’t identity why that thrilled me.  I didn’t know of anything more than Male/Female/Trans then.  Perhaps if I knew about all the different gender labels i would have been able to find myself earlier. 

I ran away from drag when I stopped doing it.  I was beyond ashamed of my behavior during that time  ( I didn’t know it was the undiagnosed bipolar).  But i decided I had learned enough to know that I was a woman and that was that.  I hid that part of my life the best I could.  I wouldnt let myself be reminded of a time when my body and my brain made sense, becuase i couldnt make sense of it, so ignoring it and repressing it was the only option.

Lately though, as I’m going through photos, I see the ones from my drag days, and I smile, bc I’m no longer ashamed, no longer scared to see myself like that.

I’ve chosen a male name for myself for the times when it’s a male day. Yoni. My middle name is Yonit, so it isn’t such a stretch. It’s not something I’ll likely use publicly, but it’s something so I don’t feel so trapped. 

Please feel free to keep calling me Elisheva, or Elle as I’m mostly known on Twitter. But if I make a public announcement about what I am that day please respect my pronouns as best you can. 

I know this is new & will take getting used to but I couldn’t let this be buried or bury me anymore. 

To Harry & Matt: you have inspired me to be my best self. To be my true self. I don’t think I would have even had the courage to admit this to myself if not for you. You have changed, saved my life. I’m out & proud, and unabashedly me. 

Thanks for reading. I’ll try to be a mostly open book about things. Send me asks or what not if you want/need.

#genderfluid #queer #queer identity #coming out #shadowhunters #malec #magnus bane #alec lightwood #harry shum jr #Matthew Daddario #born this way #i am who i am #i am free #pride #thank you #gender identity

[kj-nixon]

happy v day

On any other day, it would be nearly impossible to wake KJ up before 10am. You would have to fire a gun next to her. It was actually a major concern of her family’s, but she had always been more of a night owl than an early bird.

But today was Valentine’s Day. And this year she was going to do something fantastic for Hunter.

Last night, she had stolen his Apple Watch after he had fallen asleep and set the alarm to vibrate on her wrist at 7. She hated the thing because she felt the radiation from it would lead to arthritis. Bailey had tried to explain that that wasn’t how arthritis worked, but KJ was still skeptical. Regardless, it was the only way she could think of setting an alarm without also waking up Hunter.

God damn, 7am. Any later and Hunter would probably wake up on his own and ruin the surprise. Why did he have to be such an adult?

KJ grinned at that. That’s why she loved him.

As gracefully as she could manage, which wasn’t all that graceful if you knew KJ, she slipped out of their queen sized bed and tip toed to the kitchen. Their apartment was more of an open loft. A giant, brick square with only the bedroom and tiny bath distorting the shape by jutting out to the side. Looking at the floor plan, she had never quite been able to figure out how it interlinked with the other apartments, but really, did it matter? It suited them perfectly. The kitchen was as much a part of the living room as it was the dining room.

Open concept, open vibes.

They had it decorated as some combination of industrial modern and cozy, and the kitchen was pretty much the same. The tricky part was that KJ so rarely actually opened their cabinets that it took her a few attempts to find the pans she needed. Eventually, though, she got the bacon onto the gas stove and started on making breakfast in bed.

Hunter was, hands down, the best thing to happen to her. She knew she said it a lot, but it was just facts. Without him, she would probably be chasing yet another degree that she wouldn’t complete. He rescued her. Of course, he’d never admit it, but KJ and her siblings knew that she was kind of worthless without him.

And she was worthless, no doubt about it. Worthless against conventional standards. She couldn’t keep a job, her temper kept her from really being too great a people person, and without help her living space would be a dump. But she thrived in a space where you could let her be expressive, and Hunter provided her that. He encouraged her to be as creative and goofy and obnoxious as she wanted. And, somehow, they had figured out how to monetize it online. The cookie crumbled perfectly in that way.

She wanted to get lost in all the different ways she loved him, but it was almost impossible to actually start a list. Because as soon as she thought of one detail, it was almost immediately replaced and forgotten with another. He was just.... her world. She was obsessed with him. And she was pretty sure he was equally obsessed with her.

She assumed. She hoped.

KJ wasn’t actually a secure person. Some would even dare to call her insecure. And she felt justified in her anxiousness. Comparing herself to others was one of her most developed skills, and she never could measure up. So, if by some chance a girl who was just as pretty as she was, but twice as responsible came along, was there really any doubting that Hunter would take an interest? He was actually the perfect, functioning adult. One day he’d realize he was tired of babysitting a grown child. She just hoped it was on his death bed. Because KJ quite actually couldn’t live without him.

They’d be together forever if she had any say. And if you know any Faline, they have a lot to say.

And so what if they weren’t legally linked? KJ loved being with him no matter what. Did she sometimes dream about having the big wedding? Sure. Did she ever wonder if he even thought about asking her to get married? Yeah. Was she kind of concerned that he hadn’t asked yet because he didn’t want to permanently link himself to her in such a way that it would be difficult to leave her when he was ready? Who the fuck asked you?!

KJ’s brain snapped back to the kitchen when she smelled the smoke. While zoning out, she had splashed bacon grease onto the range and started a fire. Fucking ADHD.

What were you supposed to use on a grease fire again? All she could remember was not water, but she needed to put it out before the alarms went off and woke Hunter up.

Um.

Ummmm.

Flour!

Kj had no idea where they kept flour, or if they even had it, but the pancake mix sitting on the counter was the next best thing. Without giving herself a moment to second guess it, she dumped the box of powder onto the stove.

Well... on the stove, in the pan, and on the floor, technically.

She stared at it, willing it to not be all over the place. But, alas, there it was.

Kayla Jane, you’re an idiot.

But at least the apartment wasn’t up in flames.

Sighing, she dropped the empty box on the counter and skated to the corner deigned the living room in her socks. Her sleep tank and shorts were covered in mix now, but when was she ever put together? KJ picked up her phone and quickly ordered Postmates from their favorite diner, like the proper millennial she was. Should’ve done it in the first place, but she wanted to be romantic.

The second phase of the morning was cute enough anyway. It didn’t take her long to get her computer hooked up to their TV and get started on touching up the final bits of editing for her next video. KJ had become pretty savvy with anything techy since her career on YouTube took off. Not that she understood a single thing about engineering or how any of the machines actually functioned, but she could put it all together and operate it pretty easily if you gave her twenty minutes and a 5 Hour Energy to figure it out.

The doorbell rang and she ran to grab their food, knowing full well that he’d definitely get up for that. If he hadn’t smelled the smoke already.

Sure enough, Hunter stepped out of their room just as she finished unpacking their breakfast. KJ would never get over how insanely tall and good looking he was. Like, it wasn’t even fair.

But she sure did appreciate having the injustice in her bed.

He smiled at her and chuckled, probably laughing at how messy she was.

“Don’t go to the kitchen,” she warned, pointing a finger at him threateningly.

“It kind of smells like I should,” he replied.

“You absolutely should not. You should come kiss me and get your present instead.”

“That does sound much more pleasant.”

He graciously leaned down so she could stand on her toes and give him a peck on the mouth. She guided him to sit in front of the television and placed his food in front of him. “Happy Valentine’s Day, baby.”

“Happy Valentine’s Day, sunshine.”

Patience wasn’t really a Faline trait either, so she only gave him enough time to take two bites of food before she climbed into his lap and face the TV. “Okay, I made something.”

“You did? For me?”

“For you.”

“I’m touched.”

“You will be.”

“So will you.” He winked.

She licked his cheek. Then she pressed the enter key on her keyboard.

The video went live on her channel. A shaky close up of Hunter’s forehead came on screen. You could hear KJ’s laughter over the speakers as the camera zoomed out and you were able to see the picnic set up from one of their earliest dates. Minute by minute, the video played through a compilation of vlogs from the last four years of their relationship. Some were of their travel adventures, others were at home where Hunter was obviously unaware that she wasn’t filming. Two consisted of KJ being home alone, lamenting her state of abandonment while Hunter was on a business trip. Every clip, every piece, was carefully chosen to show how perfect they were.

KJ had been on social media for the last three years, but she had never made her relationship public to her audience. Anything regarding Hunter was posted to her private accounts that only friends and family could see. Even her family was often used as clickbait. But Hunter had been reserved as a secret, or marketed as just a friend. And she had never quite been able to explain why.

Part of it had been that she was afraid of karma. If she put them out their publicly, then maybe they’d break up and she’d have to announce to the world that she was alone and her person had left her. Or maybe it was because she was selfish and didn’t want him to get any attention outside of her (and Simon.)

But, around Christmas, she had decided that she wanted the entire planet to know how mad she was for her. She wanted her audience, people she loved and was inspired by, to see how lucky she was.

And she would cut any bitch who tried to bat a single eyelash at him.

The video was only about five minutes long, nowhere near the length of her usual challenges and vlog segments, but there was four years of love pieced throughout it. And she prayed to the universe that he got the bigger picture.

That she loved him more than anything on the entire planet.

It ended and she stretched her head back to see his expression, a proud smile on her face. For a moment, he just continued staring at the screen.

She knew it would take a moment to buffer in his brain. They had discussed forever ago that they’d never go public and he was okay with that. Hunter had never cared one way or the other, but KJ had insisted.

Now...

He looked down at her and she saw his blue eyes glisten. It made her smile wider. He was such an emotional tall man.

Climbing around to wrap her arms and legs around him, she sat up to look him directly in the face. “You’re my person. I’ve staked my claim across the globe now. So if any skanks try to make a move on you while you’re wherever your stupid job sends you, you now have live proof to show them that I will hunt them down and burn their eyebrows off.”

“Oh, it’ll have them and their eyebrows shaking in their kitten heels.” He grinned.

She kissed him. Hard.

“I love you, Green Giant.”

“I love you too, Thumbilina.”

KJ tucked her head into the crook of his neck and gave a happy sigh.

“So... What did you burn?”

“Oh my god, SHUT UP!”

#mood

[in-paradox-space]

today I haven’t done anything. I’ve been down, anxious and lazy.

I want to get high with friends and do sesh things.

I want to draw in my notebook which got lost along with my drawing pens

and some other stuff

I left my bag in a taxi

I left basically all my convenient shit in that bag, chargers, some meds, my ps4 controller, more usb wires, more usb shit but its all really niche convenient techy shit

it isnt that niche but for “””””techies””””” and travelers alike (me) its really convenient

usb type c and micro usb chargers, otg cables, plug heads, usb 3.0 card readers which btw i can plug into my otg cable transferring torrented shit from my phone to a usb wherever i am

a tiny amount of oxy and codeine, 2 weeks worth of medicine roughly, plus some 5htp vitamins

hella baggies just because

probably makes the prescription medicine in there look suspicious

my beanie

and a small sketchbook, pocket sized

I’ve had it since the start of 2017.

I’ve been developing my very own abstract drawing style in that book for over a year.

Nothing valuable was lost. Luckily my camera&lens worth around a grand wasn’t in there

but its just all my convenient stuff

and what sucks most is losing that sketchbook

and as ive been home alone today

ive wanted all the shit in that bag

i can get over the stuff in there

but I want my sketchbook back

it has my address in there, my name, probably some contact details

I really hope they send it there. Even if they keep the other shit.

I may have left the bag in a taxi though. Usually I’d walk to the taxi place, then walk back. It’s like 2.5 miles in total which is a good thing for me because I like the walk

gets me outside,etc

but uh im anxious

honestly most likely because I fapped

I fap like once every one or two weeks. Nofap is no lie. I feel like shit the next few days afterwards

and uhhh

my neighbour moved out, which leaves his girlfriend in the apartment next door... if shes even his gf anymore???? i have no idea but theyre both moving apparently

well yeah i spoke to her boyfriend a lot, got on with him

but i barely know her

and i have no key to the front door of my apartment building, long frustrating story lol

lost my keys

i keep going to the same key cutter because i have no cash and they do free fixes when their own keys fuck up

they made one key cut work, my apartments, but the one to the front door doesn’t work

i dont want to ask her to open the front door, i dont want to knock on her door, its just

the word here is awkward but everything is awkward thats not really a reason

im just irrationally anxious. I feel like she doesn’t like me. There’s many reasons for her not to but also reasons for her to.

Either way I don’t want to annoy her

and it would just be awkward if she heard me try to open the door, then its locked and she hears that from her apartment

then she hears me go back up the stairs and not knock on her door

then that leaves us both in an awkward place

do i knock on her door, knowing there’s a 50/50 chance she heard my attempt to leave my own apartment building

then do that shit

or do i go back into my flat, knowing she probably heard me avoid her

she can put two and two together

hmmmmmmmmmmmm

then she may even knock on herself

with her nice smile which is actually pretty welcoming tbh

well tomorrow

yeah tomorrow i think oh well ill find out

im getting more medicine which i ordered since i ran out and lost mine

one that im able to live without for a week no problem, havent had it for a few days

im supposed to get a blood test every month on this medicine but its been 3 months

lets hope im aight

and uhhh

i need some kick out of this slump

i just keep lazing around

like i have so much i can be doing

like studying, making things for my pages

just hella shit which isnt even that laborious

like i make memes

thats my main thing

i have hella pages

its fun to make them 

i draw too

thats also one of my main things on the down low

but i keep putting it off

i play rythym games

analyze music

can be boring sometime but im under no pressure to do that

i make videos with my friend

god yeah i should do that

like my studying isnt that hard

i dont have to clean toilets every day

man  i just

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

i want to get high on oxy and codeine for 2 weeks

but theres just a few a lot of problems with that:

money for one

thats 2 weeks out of my life

withdrawal from friends, having to hide that im back on the horse

then choosing between lying and telling the truth every time afterwards about the 2 weeks

then it wouldnt be as simple as just stopping would it?

maybe it would, sometimes i do just stop like its nothing

and what do i gain

but you know what

oxy might give me that kick

i just dont know the prices on the deepweb or how to use the deepweb

plus i dont have the money

but yeah i guess i feel like being withdrawn for 2 weeks

wouldnt mind doing some light opiates and reading homestuck

plus drawing 

then maybe cramming physics and maths work into literally every hour for a few days

im apparently having some xanax sent over by a friend

im having my doubts about that. it still hasnt arrived and he has reasons to not send them but still make me pay

this is my tumblr and nobody is fucking reading so yeah

but still drugs are mentioned, this is public and liable

id mention him but im just gonna say its the serious boyfriend of someone who got close to me

it fucked with him when it happened. idk how he feels about it now but hes polite to me

it could just be a polite front though, idk how he really feels

i actually really fucking admire the dude

a lot 

everything ive learned about him, from him and our mutual person has just been fucking exceptional

and thats on my mind every time she advanced on me

every time i invited it

every time i chose not to say no

hes a really great dude like i just

he could have beat me up that one time but he understood

he understood pretty much all times i think

and he opened up to me 

whether he sees it that way or not, i see it that way

id love to be his friend. maybe i will be even though this shit is in the air

but i think he may just be being polite, he probably hates me

but yeah

i like the dude

i dont want to fuck around with something that matters so much to him

when i honestly dont want to bother with her

shes admirably smart, very much so, but just not really the kinda person i want to spend more than an evening with

and i only want to be around her when she isnt drunk and in a good mood

shes so volatile i cant be doing with that

but thats why i commend him even more

hes stayed with her through it all and hes such a great person, in my eyes, to be in her life

and if hes gonna try to get cash from me this way then that sucks

like id probably just pay him if he asked considering how much hes forked out 

but nah hes gotta deceive me

i dont even wanna get into benzos, as nice as it is a few hours in,

i just dont like this memory fog

i dont remember any of it 

and the withdrawal seems fucking SCARY

plus tolerance and the fun wearing off when u get hooked

why couldnt he just sell me oxy lol

............. i may ask him

if i was doing oxy id probably actually get the fuck up

do the shit i wanna do

but yeah fuck that

thats basicslly all im saying

im getting anxious, low and unmotivated again

id call it dysthymia

#personal #sad #anxiety #kelly #drugs

[autopotion]

1, 22, and 26 for the vidja games!

i1. do you try to stay away from walkthroughs?

NOT AT ALL LOL. maybe i do a little bit more now that im older, but i always HATED missing stuff i wanted to make sure i got everything out of an area i couldnt come back to before i left. when i was playing ff games for the first time i would like, play the first half without a walkthrough as a challenge, but inevitably i would always bring the walkthrough out cuz i just got so anxious. i also get walkthroughs if i feel like im going to get scared by something..... like it took me AGES to be ok playing skyrim cuz i just got so scared in those caves and crypts lol. so i would have uesp.net open all the time to check the location layouts so nothing could sneak up on me. i dont do that as much anymore while playing skyrim but..... i have a lot of the dungeons memorized at this point so LOL

22. if you could immerse yourself in any game for one day, which game would it be? what would you do?

im taking this question to mean like actually exist in the game’s world instead of playing immersively so ill answer it like that. hmmm... skyrim is a beautiful world but i feel like a wolf would probably kill me immediately. and if i was there for a day i could only visit one of the cities... being in whiterun would be cool but it would probably smell awful cuz nobody bathes. i feel like spending a day in traverse town would please the nostalgic kid in me a lot, but that place is also really depressing... maybe post-kh2 radiant garden? or maybe i could spend a day in bhujerba from final fantasy xii and be on a floating fucking city, except i would literally never go near the edges cuz im stone cold terrified of heights lol. i wouldnt want to go to midgar, even though thats like the most famous ff city. its just too corrupt and bad. but i could visit aerith’s church... oh man

this question is hard. suffice to say i dont know!! im too weak and wimpy for most video game worlds man

26. handheld or console?

console any day. i enjoy playing games on my phone, and ive put a ton of hours into my psp, but i have the best gaming experience staring at a tv with a controller in my hands. its probably nostalgia tbh, and like handhelds are so much more reasonable cuz you can play them pretty much wherever you are, so if you need to kill some time on public transportation or smthn. but im such a console girl. consoles are in my blood

#quiznaibus #onthefrits #thanks kalie!!

[sscottstewart]

7.37am 26 July 2017: “You’re drugs have fucked up your attention to detail” This is a typical statement made by my AVH’s. This may well be true, or may not be, but what I get out of it is that this is just more criticism. 02nd August 2017 2039: ?FM: is anyone getting hurt s: no, not as far as I know FM?: why is this happening s: because for once, and probably the first time, I would not do as you demand PW: you think we don’t exist don’t you s: yes, I think you don’t exist PW: You will find out that we do S: well won’t that

  At approximately 3am on the 13th Sept 2016, Pam was being raped and assaulted, so I drove there at approx 100km per hour in each street and sat out front of her house. Immediately as I turned the engine off, 3 cars arrived.

One pulled into a driveway 35m down the street the house number was 121 or 123 pam’s street (for some reason my note said TA 121/123). I know this because it sat in the driveway for a while, and after I sat for about an hour or an hour and a half, I drove down to get its rego, and it had gone in/up the driveway behind fence gates and parked, so I couldn’t get the rego. I think it was a morone red Corolla hatch.

The car that arrived immediately as I turned my engine off was a white Hyundia hatch/wagon BX66PD. The third car went 120m dfown the street and I couldn’t see it properly

17th August 2018 0057 hours Entered the Muriel St car park of Hornsby Westfield, and there were two vehicles parked in the southern bays opposite Extreme clean. One was a large SUV type white station wagon CHR047, possibly Nissan or Toyota, the other I didn’t see properly, other than it being a two door sporty looking car, white also I think (but am unsure). My suspicion was aroused because they both left the parking bays and exited onto Muriel street as I was collecting my ticket from the machine to enter the car park (going to Hobbysew to collect cigarette buts). The larger white SUV looked similar to a car that boxed me in last Sunday 12th when I was visiting the adult shop to return 2 DVD’s as I stated I was going to (to try and get a result). The driver looked similar as well. Tall in thwe seat, very short balding hair, clean chaven, around 47 – 50 years old.

I have no problem with this if this is the bikies, and caused no problem the previous Sunday. But if I am supposed to behave in a requisite manner, thenI would wish that they don’t leave butt flag me down and say what I am supposed to comply with, or whatever purpose they have in being ahead of me and knowing where and when I will arrive at any particular location.

      from:

Scott Stewart <[email protected]> to: [email protected], Alexandra Tintner <[email protected]>, [email protected], [email protected] date: 19 Jun 2019, 01:46 subject: Times Up – Future Violence In Normanhurst mailed-by: gmail.com

Righty right Boys.

It’s me again – Scott James Stewart – serial number 008, maturbator and schizophrenic.

I’m fucking sick of hearing about you in my mind (through you associate I am led to believe)

IF YOU DON’T SHOW UP AND FUCKING FIGHT,   i’M GOING TO DESTROY YOUR REPUTATION, AND HOPEFULLY SOME OF YOUR FRIENDS.

Unit 5

29 Denman Parade,

Normanhurst, nsw, 2076

Or you can just reply to this email, or better still, if you have any balls at all, call me on

[phone]. But you fucking wont, on the basis of some junkie like excuse.

If you attempt to get me sectioned, I will call the cops, and a few others, and exploit a weakness I have discovered in your organisation. Please check the addresses at the header of this email.

  https://freemason-absolute-leader-declared.webnode.com/ 

http://be-careful-what-you-wish-for.strikingly.com 

Gutless Ghost loving Freemason Cuntrs.

250719 0842

All fm?  On the train going to tafe founfation skills workshop after peoole going on down the rear units and david recording me from outside my door

Scott did u log out No Well what r u goong to do about yr venterlinm paymemts Theres notng i can do Ur wrong I disagree How long will it take to prpve yr right I already jave que a bit of wvidemve to prove im right What do u think of farah I think so highly of her, that i believe yr earlier claims. Out of this world nice What should i do abouf julia Mot what u said u r doing to me. Ask the bandidos. U just lost. M  u did S: well at least ots not for the earleir behaiour error  made Actually  it is Well whata that got to do h farah? J:   Im not daying anymore S: ok . Bet u do Fm: what is going on scott is that garah will mot talk to u anymore S shame Fm: what dou think of that S there can only b 2 reasona for that M: theyr right S > i couldnt hear them? Fm: did u take drugs this morning S unfortunately  yes, i did GMA : wjat do u think about drugs S they destroy lives Fm: female scotty stewart. What did mark kelly think S  i have no idea. (They do!!) Fm: what do u think farah thinks I wouldnt have a clue (they do!!!) Scott – why wont anybody tell i the truth Becaise they camt know id whateber its is the truth. They camt know if its a lie…. wwhatever u r refering to 0906 M: what will happen to farah S   she wiil get eaten M  she already has —– ? Class cleague: do u like me? S i like everyone ? Cc   u wont

ReplyForward

[email protected] bcc:[email protected], [email protected], [email protected] date:3 January 2018 at 21:38

A Humble Request From A Challenged Person

mailed-by:gmail.com

Good evening,

Sorry to bother you. My name is Scott James Stewart, and I you will recall my apologies for contacting previously. As you will recall from some of those emails, I am schizophrenic, and astoundingly, your club has become involved the maintenance of my continued good health .

I have developed a very effective psychosocial treatment of my phenomenological symptoms, that provides me with great relief. It involves quotations (what I call 1st person transcripts), of the Auditory Verbal Hallucinations (AVH’s) I experience irregulalrly, that are a common feature of the condition.

It really is the most amazing thing. All I have to do in order to maintain my good health is when the voices start talking (as they do occasionally) is undertake to write down the time and date, and as much of the exact first person quotations of what I hear as is comfortable, and things improve.

Inexplicably to me, they consistently include your clubs name, and allege to be some of your members who are also Freemasons.

I thought that since I publish this material, it would be ethical, to inform you of the work so that you may respond to the statements and request omissions if you choose.

https://evidenceortruth.wordpress.com/

amazingschizophreniavoices10.wordpress.com

(I am in the process of organising investigative health research in collaboration with Sydney University (Francesca Coniglio) and The Palmerston Clinic (Hornsby Hospital – BGr Dinah Bennet), and will soon be expanding the knowledge of this efficacious treatment approach to other individuals who are subject to AVH’s).

Regards,

Scott”

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5) I discovered the hacking of one of the blogs within two hours and so deactivated both before they would have read them, so they also received inactive links as you did.

6) I wrote an brief introduction of my full name name and an ezpression of respect on the Rebels MC 1% Motorcylist Facebook page: (https://www.facebook.com/onepercenterbikers/)

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(13:56)

My name is Scott James Stewart. I spent at least 13 minutes trying to find a less public way of introducing myself, and I apologise, but this was my result. I am a respectful, and honest individual, who may or may not come to your attention, perhaps again, nd congruent with my integrity efforts, I wanted to introduce myself to your esteemed club (despite the fact that the Police I talk to recommend that I should not do so). Having said this, I offer my introduction to you with special recognition of your affinity with those men whose PTSD you effectively treat through your strong and reliable friendship. Great men in my opinion. Should we ever meet or talk by chance or fate one day, I would be pleased to be able to immediately state, that I introduced myself to you on the 17 January 2018 on a Facebook page (though in gossipy world, others might say 16 January 2018 at approximately 7.30pm. No matter. My respect never changes).

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6) I have over the past year quite a few hacks on several duplicate blogs publishing the same Auditory Hallucinations statements. I did not even expect anyone would read them. I am compiling some substantiated evidence to facilitate an authoreatitive investigation that can indisputably attribute causality. I should disclose that I have unreliable suspicions of individuals, so maybe that might correlate with anything you discover if you have time to look into any of this. I am not requesting that you do. I am not scared, despite the reputation of the organisations involved. So thank you.

7) I plan to repeat this process of publishing two comparable blogs in the future, but the date of which I am ‘playing by ear’.

8) I need to also add (surprisingly) that my original crime stoppers report was to attempt to get your available resources if possible directed towards the mysterious and carefully checked disappearance of another individual who is featured in the blogs more than anyone. His name is Ron (Ronald) Thiessen, and he deserves the right to oversee the published material,  but he is definately missing, he is famous and I have contacted his famous friends, and volunteer clubs etc, and the material in the blog leads me to  serious concern for his safety because what is in the blog  is damming and defamatory in my opinion. I have talked to your counter staff about him being missing, and read your website, but I cannot meet your seven pieces of documentation necessary to establish a formal missing person report. I can provide you with a document detailing the steps I have taken to locate him, if you are able to look into this. The most important and salient fact of this matter, is his membership of Freemasonry, which coincidentally is what links the two outlaw motorcycle clubs to the blogs, in addition to the members named, and the serious allegations made by my hallucinations against them.

My home phone is 9989 8752

My mobile (which I think has also been hacked) isa currently 0403 996 187 (probably change v. soon – I’ll let you know)

My address is

Gunyah

Unit 5

29 Denman Parade

Normanhurst, 2076.

Thank Gods for the cops

The Police Know 7.37am 26 July 2017: “You’re drugs have fucked up your attention to detail” This is a typical statement made by my AVH’s.