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tylerwritez · 3 years

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Tuesday, june 22 2021

I've noticed I'm getting "the shiverys" or "the twitchy" a lot today. Like every time I FEEL something I take a moment to violently tic.... every time I think about certain things I tic.... good things, bad things, things from an hour ago and things from years ago. Tic, tic, tic.

Also, I have... some stuff to explain. Its really no big deal, but you know me: I'll freak out about it anyway. Basically I dissed my friend (rightfully so) around the time that we had just met cos they did something that threw me off.

He saw it in my phone... NOW. it's not RELEVANT anymore and I've since redacted that criticism...and now I gotta explain it to him anwyays. Oh well. I'm good at this stuff. I can get myself outta any situation. I dont even know why I'm talking like this tho... it's not a "Situation" it's just smthn I gotta explain rq.

Oh, today's song recommendation is Spirit Crusher by Death. I'm a huge Death fan...

Also! I gotta study... for my replacement exam. How stressful. Its about photosynthesis, but like, it's not simple. We went DEEP inside those fucking leaves.

One sec, lemme hook up my IV tube

Not an ACTUAL IV tube... just my headphones. But since I'm so #emo, it might as well be a fucking IV tube with the way that I cant live without it.

Its 3:08 and I'm walking home now. I was upset last night but me and Star have made up now lol... it was thAt easy. I'm so defective, making shit hard when it doesnt need to be.

It's so hot out damn. Idk. I had school today, so I had Bio class... I ACTUALLY PAID ATTENTION for once. I had lunch with Star and her friend group, and I honestly kinda feel like they're MY friends now too, even just a little bit.

Actually, I used to rant about feeling lonely like all the time but now I have so many friends it's crazy they all keep inviting me places and it's like people WANT ME AROUND... idk. It makes me happy.

Today I gotta ask if tommroow after school I can go to Bee's house to watch Supernatural (famous homoerotic ghost show)

I should also add songs to Erin's spotify playlist for our picnic saturday which I still need permission to go to.

I gotta ask for Wednesday after school to watch Insidious with Jay which is apparently really good

Also hes the friend that I gotta explain stuff to... the DrAmA... the ThEaTrE....

Update my dad said yes to hanging out with Bee but first I'm gonna miss school to fix my broken brackets on my braces

Also turns out the house I THOUGHT we were moving into has substantial damage from shifting so... we aRENT moving there.

In case you didn't know, shifting is when like the house that's been built literally SHIFTS like it moves around.

Anwyays Jay just texted me... I'm gonna change into shorts since it's hot, set up my study area,.... and respond to him.

The time is 3:22 p.m.

Wish me. Luck.

Luck is plentiful! As it so often is in my risky, risky life.

I play my cards right. It's a learnt skill.

But also there wasnt much to explain since it passed already and was tiny anywyas.

XD so I've made up with the whole goddamn world by now.

Its 6:31, we saw 1 house. Only one. Its kinda hot out but I'm gonna bike now since we just had supper. I finally finished my homework... I just have to finish one mixed media piece as my final project for art!

Friday is my replacement. On photosynthesis and cell resp. We know this. But what I didn't mention, or I dont THINK I did, is that if I finish my art project before then I have the second block FREE!!! Me, Star, and her friend

A are planning to leave for second block and maybe get mint chocolate chip ice cream!

Also I might eat her out XD

Anyways idk. I hope I can bike tonight to call Jay.

I keep accidentally using people's real names here then having to correct it... I dont know how much i care about MY identity being discovered... but to have my friends doxxed would suck.

Man I feel bad abt saying fuck star last night cos we made up....

Wait we r looking at another house? Idk I'm in the car still waiting to go home

Oh wait no now we r goin home

Its 6:39... I hope I still have time.

I went biking, called Jay. Went home. Idk, friendly conversation... we talked more tonight and I also talked to my other friend A. Jay is... I LOVE HIM?? SO MUCH??? I feel so happy. Talking to him thinking about him seeing his STUPID FUCKING FACE JESUS. his eyes alone... I could stare at his face all day probably. I want to kiss him... hOLD HIS HAND... omg... huG HIM!!! Eofjwpxjwie he's so sweet like I can't even... and I'm proabably not good enough for him like. Wtf. Hes easily a 10. And I dont rate things outta 10. How tf do I end up with HIM? Doing stuff, as friends. Like wHAT. I guess I got lucky XD. He says he loves my personality and I'm hot XD ofc I dont see it myself. But like. JESUS CHRIST he could proabably easily pull whOever. XD me?

Whatever though. As long as we r together and stuff. I LOVE HIM A LOT. he said he loved me. Every time he says that it makes me so overly happy.

Maybe I'm just sappy and stuff.... whatever. I think it would be nice to be hugged by him.

Yeah I'm cheesy.

I'm sorta tired now so maybe I'm not writing the best.

I just keep thinkinf about love. Love is a muscle of evil suggestion. But how evil can it really be? I am just a human being and that is all. Everything else is applied. I am just a human being with soemthing in my heart that pulls me all over the place. Love is this strange thing because I'm fucked up and to be able to love without that fucked up part of me, without the damage... is this complicated, hard thing to do and I can NEVER tell if I'm doing it right but I know I'm DOING IT. I know I FEEL LOVE. And soemtimes it's such an intense thing like when you go to surf on a wave at the beach with ur belly but u hit it wrong and it's so big and overwhelming it washes over you and PULLS you down to the bottom and smushes your face into the sand and YOU CANT BREATHE jesus Christ it's like that.

Or maybe I just want to experience love as it should be felt.

Obviously all of my problems surrounding this Damage could be easily fixed if I went to therapy but. there are reasons I can't.

I LOVE a lot. Too much for my own good. Enough to hurt me, get me into trouble, etc etc but also... enough to liberate me. I LOVE. I love Jay. So much. LIKE. MY BRAIN ORBITS AROUND HIM CONSTANTLY THINKING OF HIM AND PRAISING HIM AND MWUAH HE IS SO LOVELY I BOW BEFORE HIM...

I think as much as I love, a lot of the times I tend to focus even more on BEING loved.

If I am told I am loved, and shOwN I am loved... it is one of the most powerful things. Especially since I was literally emotionally neglected in childhood... yeah. I feel like I'm always trying to fill that hole.

Not EVERY feeling I have is for that reaosn but sometimes, if you tell me you love me, show me you love me, hug me,... I'll like start crying,,, that's the childhood emotional neglect kicking in. If you call me #smol and #cute and say I look young and fragile which happens more often than you'd think XD, I know I'm not supposed to like that shit, so I act like I dont....but I do. Which is PROBABLY ALSO THE CEN 🤪 like whatever lol

Anwyays I'm fucked up

You see how quickly things become complicated in my mind?

Convoluted? Is that the word?

Whatever. I OVERCOMPLICATE THINGS COS I OVERTHINK THEM BECAUSE I'm LITERALLY MENTALLY ILL IN SO MANY DIFFERENT WAYS. I'm not joking. I obviously have unresolved undiagnosed "issues"

I do Suspect things, though.

I can make a list

Maybe I shouldn't.

Maybe I will.

I shouldnt.

Whatever.

I used to hate when people brought up my self harm. I would actually panic. I still self harm but now? Now I'm fine with anyone talking about it as long as it's not an adult who can get me into trouble/force me into therapy over it. Because really? I kinda like having it mentioned. It's kinda validating and it's like hey... people can see that I'm sick.

I dont do it so people talk to me about it though. Dont get me wrong. If I did, I'd go vertically on the arms, not for suicide but so it healed and people would ask XD.

My scars are actually VERY hidden... cos I never intended for ANYONE to see. But for those who DO see them,,,, it's nice soemtimes to have people express concern.

I dont wanna be PITIED or anything, but idk I just think to myself "wow, they're CONCERNED... about ME... they arent angry or mean... they didnt yell at me or threaten me... they respect my autonomy and privacy...

And they CARE ABOUT ME..." and it makes me cry.

That's also the CEN.

I dont know. I just like when people express genuine concern. Even if they see and then just ask if I'm okay. That's all it takes cos then I go wow.

Its validating and irs lovely because finally people care... FINALLY PEOPLE CARE. FINALLY I GET SOME EMPATHY OR SYMPATHY AND NO ANGER.

Even just having them brought up tells me its noticeable enough

My brain does this thing where it thinks nothing bad that's ever happened to me was Bad Enough for me to be upset about.

And I dont know... its nice sometimes to be told shit like "omg that looks so bad" or to see that people who do see my cuts are somewhat shocked or revolted... it's nice because I go... "hey, it was bad enough for them..."

Or to have people comment on them with concern. Just ANYTHINT WHERE PEOPLE NOTICE IT AND ARENT ASSHOLES ABOUT IT IS VALIDATING.

Because I'm not used to that...

Because CEN

I'm. The worst perosn on the fucking planet.

I should kill myself.

I suddenly actually feel so self hating I do want to kill myself... oh god.

I ruin everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. What have I done. Like. Why. Oh god.

I'm just remembering when Star said my kindness seemed like an act. And how I've been called out for seeming fake like 2 other times.

DO I SEEM FAKE???? I DONT EVER PUT ON ACTS OF KINDESS.... CONCIOUSLY? but the very idea that I could be perceived that way...

Should I like not try to be nice or some shit?

Jesus christ she hurts my feelings even now when it was a long time ago.

But I cant blame her. I can't blame anyone for how i feel except my parents because they left me with fucking. Heart nerve damage or some shit.

I'm tired and now I'm sad too. Goodnight guys.

#JudeJournals

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boimgfrog · 4 years

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My recent daydream fodder has been planning a period piece film abt a sweet Edwardian era boy discovering he's asexual and the ramifications that discovery has on his small social circle. The cast includes:

Our ace Edwardian boy himself

The beautiful girl he attends school with and has a crush on (she'd have her own arc as well dw)

His rascally friend since childhood and the most popular boy at school. His friend doesn't really get the whole ace thing, and thinks Edwardian boy is pretty silly, but they have an emotional heart to heart later on where the friend comes to understand Edwardian boy and they like, hug or smthn

The Edwardian boy's mother who's concerned that her son might be a Homosexual, and is dead set on marrying him off as soon as possible

His quiet but caring father (who's honestly probably ace/arospec himself) who clearly sees how head over heels his son is for his classmate, and has an emotional scene with the mother where he says things like "you need to let the boy breathe, dear. He's different, sure, but he's a good boy. As long as he's happy, I don't care who he's happy with, or what he's happy doing. I just wanna see my boy smile."

Some scenes I've pictured:

Popular boy and Edwardian boy are lounging in the grass on a cool spring day. EB is longingly watching Beautiful Classmate sit and giggle with her friends. He comments something like, "she's absolutely lovely, don't you think *PB*? Like a painting,"

PB responds with a laugh, saying something like "yeah, I bet she's even prettier under all those ruffles and skirts, if y'know what I mean ;)"

EB would wrinkle his eyebrows, "what do you mean? I like her skirts, they bring out the browns in her eyes,," only for PB to laugh and shove EB playfully, calling him weird and moving onto a different topic.

EB and BC are sitting by a lake under the moonlight. BC had obviously planned to partake in *whispers* smooching related activities tonight, and keeps dropping hints. EB misses most of them, choosing instead to talk about a book they've both read and the recent croquet match PB took part in. BC eventually kisses EB gently, placing a hand on his cheek, which he leans into. He kisses her again briefly, before kissing her forehead and returning to the conversation. She interrupts him again, nervous, asking if he enjoyed it. He responds with something like, "I did yes, I think. It was new, but not awful. I think I enjoy,, being close to you," he picks up her hand, placing it on his cheek again, "this," he says, "this I do like"

There would be a lot of scenes of EB and PB goofing off and being silly and a lot of scenes of him yearning after BC, but most of all it's an emotional coming of age period piece dealing with the hardships and alienation that naturally come with being asexual. I haven't decided if I want EB and BC to end up together, or if I want EB to find someone else to be with (I think I want him to be heteromantic, cos het aces face a whole lot of stigma and alienation as well, and I'd like to touch on that. I could be persuaded to include hints of a qpr between PB and EB tho 👀)

But even more than an emotional drama I want this to be a love letter to romantic and aesthetic attraction. There's something so beautiful about the way fellow alloromantic aces view our lovers and I want to create something that lets other people see through our eyes, even if only for an instant.

That being said I will never write this. I would love to see a limited series like this or read a fic but I have no motivation to create it. We must simply daydream and yearn forever.

#jay says a thing #jay spins a yarn

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peppersbian · 3 years

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March 23 2021

I missed my daily thing on habitica for this so it like says I lost my streak which is bullshit and kinda annoys me but whatever. It's not technically all about points but it makes me feel better and I dislike that they did that to me. Scoff.

I had a pretty busy day today. I feel really good about myself.

I got through my English class and did the work I was assigned for the asynchronous time done during that time. I feel really good about that because I usually swerve and mess it up.

I made myself eggs and sausage for breakfast just before needing to sit down for math.

I was kinda unfocused during math, because I was working on the Open house presentation. So at least it wasn't time too badly wasted. I did my math homework due at 4 complete and on time! I feel so great about that. I feel good that I learned how to use the TI84, but also kinda embarrassed that it took me this long to sit down and fucking do that. But whatever.

Mom brought a pizza for late lunch/early dinner.

I went w mom to pick up some of the buy nothing stuff she got. I got some styrofoam balls which I will be sure to have fun with.

I got the PowerPoint done just in time for them meeting. I was a few minutes late for it but they hadn't really started anywys like they usually do. It went really well, I need to do some last polishes and I'll be great to go for the open house.

I don't think I'm going to go to the open house. It's sounds boring and I'm tired and also need to cram my English thing tomorrow. I feel bad though because I feel like I'm neglecting all my other classes by honing on one. I get too tired to do more than one thing a day.

Honestly all I could think about at the meeting was how I feel like I've never had any real connection or friendship with literally anyone in the troop. That I'm just a tack on to everything else. I thought about Nicole and the summer trip and how she made it so tiring and impossible to get around and be with other people and even making us late because she wanted to go to every fucking phone case stand. I feel bad for feeling that way because she's disabled or whatever but I can't help but feel like I got out with her because no one else wanted me and certainly no one else tolerates her. I though about catalina and how when I asked her at boating if she wanted to be partners, said "potentially", walked alway from em and talked to like three other people. One group was a group of three and I was all alone. It was humiliating. The lifeguard pittied me. I hate that. I love legend but it so tiring. It's just like a reminder I'm never wanted, cared about, or fit in. As much as the idea of sisterhood and community is preached it's never truly practiced. I wish it was though,

Gibson is so sweet. She seems so passionate and excited. I hope she gets the best from us. I feel bad that her freshmen year is being spent like this. She said she felt bad for me but honestly my times already been wasted so there's no real use in feeling bad about whats actively being taken. Loss is loss. I hope she never has to feel like me.

I'm tearing up again. These journals are hard. Today was a good day and I feel kinda silly for hanging up on these one or two bad things but that also stupid, it's good to feel. Human range of emotion and experiences or whatever. Sigh. Wish it was more convient.

I like Bojack horseman video essays. I can watch that shit forever. I watched a good one bout mr peanut butter and his defining trait being addicted to unconditional unwavering affection. I don't think I'm like that to the degree he is. I have at least some concept of boundaries and that people find joy and intert from different things. But I kinda felt that. Need to be needed. Except not really because that's not the same thing. Need to be swaddled and hugged and attended to, emotionally.

I had a vision of my future. Always being in a relationship even if it's not super great just because I want someone to love me or at least claim too in some capacity.

I know my friends love me and I them, But that's not the way that I mean or want. Sigh. I do love them though.

I ate the leftover from pizza lunch for dinner. Cold pizza rocks.

Today was a good day. I really need to make more art and work on studio. Im anxious about grades and shit it's really a bad underlying stress I can't get over. I haven't checked my grades at all and it feels a little suffocating lol. It is what it is though. After this weeek it's spring break which I desperately need.

I hope to work on miku, I'm gonna place my jo Ann's order so hopefully I can get my lace and my leather paint. Super excited. I keep bouncing around from projects, I have a lot of motivation but no time. It's frustrating. Just a Girlboss living in a Gatekeep world I guess.

I've been feeling kind a guilt about Mel. I haven't checked my message requests in so long. It's kinda og just become a part of the system, and since it's not a notification to be cleared it's been easy to not make it bug me. She's 23. I knew that but it only really kinda occurred to me. That's like 6 years. I wish she knew some fucking boundaries. Maybe if someone removed you as a follower twice, blocks you, and doesn't respond to your messages you should let it be. I feel bad for doing this and not just saying it outright but I'm scared of hurting her feelings with words. Like actions are much better. But I hate interacting with her. She has done nothing wrong or innapropriate I'm just annoyed by her. She's annoying. It makes me uncomfortable. I don't like engaging with her. It feels good to say that straight and honestly and not w a fucking feeling cushion or smthn. I keep dancing around my words like this isn't my private journal jfc. Anywyss I wish she'd go away. I feel bad about having to like take action to block her or whatever. I'm not gonna tonight. But I should. Guilty consciousness though won't go. I know I should vocalize smth but I just really don't want to. And I think I'm allowed to do that.

I feel bad for saying she's annoying and I hate interacting w her Anf her incomprehensible speech because she's disabled. Why do so many disabled people try and be my friend? It's nothing against them. It's just a trend I've noticed where I'm sweet and then can't set boundaries because I feel guilty about not letting them do what the want. Sigh. I don't think there's really a way to win at that. I don't think it's ableist to say that some neurodivergent behaviors are annoying and boundary breaking and I don't want to engage w that specifc behavior. I don't.

I wonder how many words this was.

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strvwberryblcnde · 4 years

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👫 preston & scout

send a 👫 and I’ll write four headcanons i have about our muses’ relationship.

i cn imagine them somehow being wrangled into babysitting fr her sister bethan one time n.... she has three kids who r all young (like 6, 7 n 7 bc she had twin boys then a girl) n they’re all a handful in their own way. the boys r SO boisterous n loud like they’re truly feral n the girl is very.... like scout bt..... an outspoken n absolutely fearless version...... the only time she’s quiet is when she’s reading a book. anyway. i cn see scout n preston being run RAGGED hving to look after these demons like the boys wld slap mud prints onto the wallpaper..... they’d pull drawers out looking fr their confiscated toys when they misbehaved n cutlery wld crash bc it’d fall on the floor... they’d run away frm the scene of this crime after..... bebe scout wld be like..... UR THE UGLIEST BOYS I’VE EVER KNOWN..... AND I HATE U!!!!! hurling crayons at her brothers fr their mischief... n scout n preston wld have to somehow neutralise all of this chaos. it wld be exhausting. i cn anticipate it mounting frustrations n tensions to the point where scout n preston might even bicker between themselves jst over stupid stuff like scout being like preston u can’t give them chocolate before they’ve had their dinner n preston being like cmon.... let them live a little...... this isn’t a dictatorship... n scout being like do u WANT them to b bouncing off the WALLS???? literally like a married couple.... they’d finally manage to put them to bed in bethan’s room (which ws renovated into a room w three beds fr them to stay in when bethan needs help aka needs scout to babysit) n scout wld usher preston frm the room to let them settle n once she thought he wasn’t watching she’d tuck each in n kiss their heads n be like love u hell spawns. then she’d go dwn n eye preston on the couch frm the doorway like >_> bt still go to get them a beer each..... i cn picture literally by the time she returns frm the kitchen preston being asleep bc the children r relentless.... n even if they’d been bickering a bunch scout wld roll her eyes n kind of smile abt it n swig her beer then put it dwn n grab a blanket n carefully tuck it over him so he didn’t catch a cold in their drafty house w a faulty boiler.......... sickening.

this is related to scout’s nephews n niece again bt in summer they always play in the yard w the hose n i can picture scout n preston having like.... a fight in the morning mayb n her storming dwnstairs n leaving him to get dressed n leave or whatever jst childishly........ n then by the time he got down if it ws summer the kids wld be prancing around outside n shrieking up a storm as scout sat angrily in a fold out chair watching over them........ mayb they’d all b like PRESTON PRESTON STAY N PLAY n he’d be like i’m gna head home............... n they’re like NO PLAY W US PLAY W US n one of the boys even sprays him w the hose. mayb preston wld join in playing w them just picking him up n pretending to fling him around n they’d all be laughing n screaming n scout wld be a tiny bit mellowed by this bt still stubbornly clinging to being mad...... her niece is like SCOUT PLAY WITH US PLAY WITH US n she’s like maybe in a bit. i cn imagine preston spraying her w a little bit of water frm the hose to b childish kind of joining in w the kids being a nuisance n scout being like WTF??????? n then snatching the hose off him n spraying him bk n it just breaking into an all out war where they’re trying to get the hose off each other n both end up soaking wet n she breaks n laughs n he’s picking her up as the kids all cackle n scream. their fight jst somehow resolved in the space of half an hr when they were jst on the verge of another stupid breakup............. this tumultuous relationship........ no wonder their friends r sick of them.

scout’s dad is...... certainly a character n she hasn’t heard from him in yrs bt he made a big reputation fr himself in town to say the least.... was just in w some rly shady ppl n always fucking everyone over fr his own selfish agenda.... truly jst a liability to b associated w nvm to have as a husband/father so the wilders rly.... went thru it a bit w him. it ws like being buckled into a rollercoaster. nw he’s been gone a few yrs they’ve managed to pick up some of the shrapnel he left behind bt there’s still pieces n tht’s evident in the fact tht every so often guys he used to run w will come knocking trying to shake them dwn fr debts Poppa Wilder still owes them. he’s on the run frm the law nw n they hv no idea where he is bt they still have to deal w these repercussions. anyway. scout is very much like... I Will Deal With Everything In The World On My Own bt with luca in prison, jasper out n about all the time n rarely home sometimes bc he’s a free spirit, her mum working long night shifts n sleeping thru the day n her sister bethan being moved out w kids a lot of the time it’s..... just scout in the house which she wld never admit gets rly lonely after growing up w a big hectic family. i cn imagine one of these guys waiting fr scout after her shift at the diner n just asking her again when he’s gna get his money n her being like fr the last time idk where my waste of space father is!!!!!! n he wouldn’t make a threat or anything bt he knows where they live so tht night i feel like scout wld be kind of nervous n peering out of the curtains a lot jst On Guard in case he shows up to take wht he’s owed by fleecing the place or smthn. mostly paranoia idk if he actually wld bt. scout wld just be kind of scared sleeping there alone n even if she’d wna deal w it on her own i feel like she’d put off contacting preston until pretty late when she’d eventually snap n just be like. can u stay over tonight? n she wouldn’t text it either which is kind of unusual fr her bc she mostly texts bt she’d wna hear his voice to calm her a little i think. again none of this wld b verbalised she wouldn’t even tell him abt this situation bc she tries to be independent as possible n not rely on anyone else fr anything bt......... it would calm her down a lot when he arrived n ws sleeping nxt to her. i feel like his laidback attitude is quite gd for her in tht respect like it has a soothing effect at times..... others perhaps not bt <3 miley cyrus life’s a climb.....

i feel like her ex............. wld not be happy abt scout dating preston. he’s quite a loose canon / volatile character n jst............... scrappy.......... n antagonistic sometimes...... not the worst bt definitely not the best! honestly i feel like if he ever bumped into preston he wld maybe even pick a fight w him except he wouldn’t mention scout he would just act like it wasn’t related bt it Would Be. if preston ws injured in any way via this then i can’t even express hw furious scout wld be she’d actually lose it a bit.... KJGFKHFKGHSFKGHS hell hath no fury like a scout wilder scorned <3 she’d nurse preston better if he had a bust lip or whtever (she’s quite gd at doing these things after yrs of living w reckless brothers who were always getting into fights n also hving a mother who’s in nursing n taught her first aid etc) n she literally wld refuse if he tried to be like i can do this myself she’d b like SIT. DOWN. stomping around the place grabbing her supplies n being so angry until it actually came to like.... dabbing his face where she’d b extremely gentle. stark contrast. she’d keep ranting abt how she was gna confront her ex fr it n even if preston was like just leave it she’d refuse at first then eventually be like ok :) w a tight lipped smile bt. the next day bc she knows where her ex hangs out she’d storm up to him on the street n jst fking RIP him a new one she’d b fully shouting at him unleashing such an ungodly rant w no fks given to who was watching..............if it was in a tv show i’d imagine her rampage all silent as opera music plays over the top n she’s jst yelling in slow motion as a child across the street gasps so loud at the multitude of swear words raining in his direction.... honestly i cn imagine this getting bk to preston w how public it was bt i get the feeling tht even tho he might’ve been like nah leave it he wld find her unbridled wrath funny n know it ws rooted in hw protective she is of those she loves which. as reluctant as she ever likes to admit it definitely includes him at this point.....

#scout wilder | preston reid #meme #hallcween

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ijustwant2write · 5 years

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‘You knew I was going to ask you out?’-Peter Parker x Powers!Reader

(GIF credit to @marvelheroes)

Masterlist

Requested by: @annoyinglyobsessive)

Can I request a peter Parker x reader where the reader has the same powers as Wanda like it’s her lil sister or smthn and Peter is in awe and thinks your powers are so cool and just constantly fawns over you and you. You’re both always together and being the cutest couple EVER (p.s. if you can include it the avengers are your biggest shippers and love you guys together) it’s totally cool if you don’t wanna do it💕💕

Characters: Peter Parker x Powers!Reader

Meanings: (Y/N)=Your name

Warnings: just pure fluff

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Come on Wanda, you really think you can beat me now? The student has become the master!" I teased my older sister as we partnered up to practice fighting.

"Seriously (Y/N)?" she chuckled."Don't hurt yourself now."

We stood opposite each other on the sparring mats, waiting in silence for someone to strike first. Being the inpatient person I was, I quickly thrust my arms forward, hands glowing an amber colour; Wanda defended herself, our powers colliding between us. The gym was alight with colours as we continued to fight, though we matched each other, meaning it was getting tedious.

"Truce!" Wanda shouted, out of breath.

We immediately stopped, but I kept my senses about me, just in case she was bluffing. Trying to catch our breaths, Wanda started walking away, suddenly turning around to attack, however, I was prepared, deflecting her powers back to her. It wasn't harsh, only making her tumble down to the floor.

"OK. I deserved that." Wanda admitted.

"Need some help?"

After getting her back on her feet, Wanda looked over my shoulder, a smug smile reaching her face; I went to look but she caught my chin in her hand, keeping it facing her. I furrowed my eyebrows until my mind filled with someone else's thoughts.

'Shit, I didn't realise she would be here too!'

It was Peter.

'OK, just play it cool, don't make yourself-'

I heard the clang of weights falling to the floor and couldn't help but glance back. Peter stood there, a variety of weights spilled a his feet, two of them still spinning. I held back a laugh, smiling at him when he looked at me. He nervously laughed, scratching his head before scurrying away from the mess he created.

Wanda leaned in to whisper to me."I think you may have a secret crush. Well, not so secret seeing as we can hear him but-"

"I wish I couldn't hear his thoughts. I wish that it was a surprise you know? Like one day we would be talking, and suddenly he asks me out."

"Why's that?"

"I don't know. Maybe because it's...normal?"

My sister sent me a sympathetic smile, changing the topic back to training. But I couldn't let that thought leave my mind, well, Peter’s thoughts that is; it didn’t help that they were so loud. After another hour of training (and desperately putting my focus into my powers, blocking out Peter’s thoughts), I decided that I was done, gathering up my things before leaving.

“Hey, (Y/N)!” Peter called out behind me.

I stopped to turn around, blushing as my eyes instinctively roamed over his toned arms after his workout. God, he was so cute.

“Hi, what’s up?” I smiled, wishing I hadn’t sweat so much earlier.

“Uh, nothing really. I-I-I was just wondering, if uh, if you would like to go out sometime?”

If I wasn’t blushing already, I certainly would have done after that.“Really?”

He took my word the wrong way.“Oh, if you don’t want to then I understand-”

“No, Peter, I was just shocked.”

“Shocked? Why would you be shocked?”

“Because you’re asking me out! I’m a girl with these weird powers that doesn’t even know how to use them. Wouldn’t you rather ask out a normal girl?”

“Normal? You do realise I’m Spider-Man right?”

“Oh, you have a point.”

“So...”

“Oh! Yes, my answer is yes!”

It only seemed like yesterday we started dating, even if a couple of months had passed by. I had never been in a relationship before. Most of my life was spent caged up, being experimented on, forced to fight people I didn’t want to fight. But now with Peter, he was finally making me feel normal, even when we went on missions together.

“You OK?” He asked out of breath, slumping into the seat next to me as we flew back to the Avengers HQ.

I nodded.“Yeah, you?”

He copied my actions, his hand finding mine. I leaned my head on his shoulder, exhausted from the mission. It had been harder than we thought, but it was part of our training.

“You staying with me tonight?” I suggested.

“Course, it’s the weekend.”

“I hope May doesn’t mind. I feel like I’m spending more time with you than she does.”

He kissed my forehead.“Nah, she doesn’t mind.”

“Look,” Sam spoke up as he walked past us,“this is cute and all, but could you keep the PDA to a minimum? My stomach hurts enough after being beaten to a pulp.”

Peter and I chuckled.“Sorry Sam. But I hardly see Peter as it is.”

“Yeah, lay off them. It’s nice to see something so sweet after a mission.” Natasha defended us.

As they walked away, I glanced up at Peter, feeling at peace in that moment. We used to be so awkward and embarrassed around each other, even when we got comfortable with the idea of being in a relationship, it was strange being together around the others. After some sort of epiphany, I realised that it really didn’t matter, everyone was supportive and I finally felt like a normal girl. Wanda had been so happy when she found out, for the first week of our relationship, all she ever talked about was how cute we were.

“You were amazing out there.” Peter said to me as we tucked into the pizza we ordered. Everyone sat at the table, fully engrossed in their own conversations.

I crossed my legs on the chair, picking up a slice.“Thanks, you too.”

“No, I was nothing compared to you. I don’t think I’ll ever get over how cool your powers are, you just wave your hands around and attack! It’s just...I have an amazing girlfriend.”

I went to speak before realising that it was suddenly silent. Looking around, everyone seemed to be listening in on the conversation, all with sweet smiles on their faces. I closed my gaping mouth, covering my face with my hands, awkwardly laughing.

“No, no, keep going. I wanna hear more about how amazing (Y/N) is.” Tony teased, leaning back in his chair.

“Come on guys, let’s not embarrass them.” Steve smiled.

“I agree with Tony, go on about my amazing sister.” Wanda smugly smiled, winking at me.

“OK, you’ve had your fun, now stop.” I lightly said, trying to stop myself from blushing.

“Why would we stop?” Tony shrugged.“I hardly see you kids as it is, let me have this moment to play the embarrassing father.”

After dinner, Peter and I headed up to my room, our steps sluggish as we walked. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders, mine around his waist, holding us close to one another. Just as I thought we were safe from the others, my sister shouted from behind us, and I rolled my eyes, inwardly groaning. Could we not have a moment together?

“Hey, sorry to interrupt, but can I have a quick word with Peter?” Wanda motioned to him, and I felt him tense up.

“Uh, yeah, sure.” He nervously said, following her down the hallway. They stopped at the end, thinking they were out of reach of earshot, but I knew what Wanda was thinking about saying.

“You’re good for her you know. I’m glad you finally asked her out. She’s definitely happier because of you, doesn’t stop talking about you actually. And I’ve always liked you anyway Peter. Though, what I’m really trying to say is, Pietro would have liked you too, he was a very protective brother. Since....since he passed, (Y/N) never really got over it, neither did I actually, and although she’s always put on a happy face, it’s never been genuine. Until you that is. Just keep doing what you’re doing.”

I felt myself getting emotional at her words. I missed Pietro so much, wishing desperately that he was still here and that he could have met Peter. He walked back to me, Wanda disappearing into the elevator. Grabbing his hand, I pulled him into me, giving him an unexpected kiss.

“Hey, Wanda just said-”

“I know what she said. And I agree with her one hundred percent, Pietro would have loved you...just not like I love you.”

When we first climbed into bed, I had thought that we would have fallen asleep straight away. However, we were wide awake, somehow talking nonstop for hours on end. It was all random things too; past missions, the team, TV shows, his school. I laid my head on his chest, his hand stroking my hair, we were silent for only a few moments before he spoke.

“Could you...could you maybe make your hands glow? I really like watching your powers.”

Reaching my arms up, I made the amber colour of my powers appear, swirling my fingers around in a graceful fashion. It illuminated the pitch black room in the gentle amber colour. Instead of watching my hands, I watched my boyfriend, his eyes reflecting the amber, making him even more beautiful. He looked like a child in a toy shop, full of amazement and wonder. And I was the one causing this. My powers, which I had hated at one time, thinking that they were the worst things in the world, were a wonder to him.

“Hey, so, I have to write an essay on a strong individual in my life, like how amazing they are and how they’ve impacted me. I already wrote about Tony for a science essay, and May in another social studies class, so I was wondering if I could write about you?”

I kept my powers swirling above us.“Me? What would you write about?”

“About you in general, your powers, training, how you save lives...perhaps about your past if you let me. Only to display how it has shaped you into the person you are today.”

“Would you really want to write about me? Talk about me to your peers?”

“Yeah, I wouldn’t be able to talk about you like I do now, like you’re my girlfriend, but I could make up an excuse that I met you through Tony one day.”

“Peter, that’s so sweet of you. I’ll tell you everything. You’ve made me feel the happiest I’ve ever been in my life.”

“And I always will.”

I lowered my hands, the room slowly going back to darkness.“Did you know that I knew you were going to ask me out?”

“You knew I was going to ask you out? But you were so shocked when I asked?”

“I knew you were thinking about it, but the fact that you did was surprising. Especially since I’m a weirdo.”

“Stop that. Even if you are a weirdo, you’re my weirdo.” He pulled me in closer, squeezing me closer to him.

I giggled at him, holding him just as close.“Oh my god, you’re so cringey. It’s a good thing I love you.”

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skyfrost-nail-kincare · 4 years

Note

hihi!! your blog change? WACK ITS SO FUNKY!! could i request a drabble if you want to try that? i know you mentioned wanting to a while ago lmAO but ive never seen any requested?? and i know ur well educated in my canon sdfgh,, i dont mind if u do smthn to do with bill and mike or all the losers! but maybe abt camping out in the barrens? its those missin ur losers hours :( feel free to ignore if ur not up to it or its uncomfy for you lmAO -inbox stan (i think im just gonna stay stan for now lol)

midnite big brain be like ':0 what if he need more info for the req' so uh. here iam. at 01:01. bringing you some info if you decided to go down the losers route,, ben n bev were together! got big suspicions on richie n eddie being a thing but nobody felt like pushing them on it lmAO,, i was tallest out of everyone?? brain giving up moment,, i actually dont think theres much else u dont know sdfjgfgh lmk if you need anything else tho!! ill try and reply in the morrow lmAO -inbox stan

OH HELLO!!!! i’m rly excited to try a drabble yeah!!! i’m a lil bit nervous to try it bc i’ve never rly Written(tm) for anyone else before so i rly hope you like it!!!!

it’ll be below the cut for you!

- mod hellbent

[i won’t lie i didn’t rly know where exactly 2 take this HDSGH still i hope it’s good to u!!! hope it gives u the satisfaction u need since ur missing the losers!]

Stan, Bill, and Mike didn't expect the whole club to show up. They just mentioned camping out in the barrens "soon." That's all Bill said, just "soon."

The whole group was super in sync, though. So, on a chillier-than-average summer night, the three boyfriends found themselves with the rest of their friend group. Nobody was complaining, and Bill didn't even seem to really notice, but Stan and Mike were both wondering how everybody figured out exactly when.

Things weren't out of the ordinary just because there was a change of plans, except for one thing. While there was the group of three, and Ben and Bev, Richie and Eddie never seemed to be open about any romantic sort of interest. It wasn't abnormal for the two of them to be teased lovingly by the other losers, but tonight, it felt different.

When they disappeared later that night, things got a little bit confusing, though.

"Hey, Bill?" Stan began, only continuing when he had Bill's attention. "Have you seen Richie and Eddie?"

"N-No, now that you m-mention it." Both of them were then looking around in confusion.

The two of them decided to ask the others, receiving 'no's and 'nope's. They all even started to get a little worried, deciding to search for the suspicious boys.

Upon finding them, the collective sigh of relief alerted them. Richie and Eddie were just walking around boredly, and so happened to be holding hands. Richie's first instinct was to hold on tighter, while Eddie's was to try and jerk his hand away. The two of them were both very nervous.

The rest of the night wasn't filled with any teasing or laughter, not any pushing them to admit that they were holding hands because of any particular reason. It was even kind of quiet after that, but they eventually went back to having fun.

Soon enough, the sun was rising; they'd all stayed up the whole night--well, everyone except for Eddie. When they were all lying down, he just dozed off.

Richie felt kind of bad leaving Eddie as the only one sleeping, so he ended up putting an arm around him and falling asleep too.

Watching those two sleep, of course, made the rest of them tired as well. Instead of grouping off into smaller fragments, though, they all just surrounded Richie and Eddie. Stan was between Bill and Mike, the three of them on Richie’s side. Ben and Bev were on Eddie’s side.

Yeah, the night was gone, but any time of day can be night if you’re tired enough.

#it kin #stanley uris kin #stan x mike x bill #benverly #reddie #fictionkin #fictkin #richie tozier kin #mike hanlon kin #bill denbrough kin #beverly marsh kin #eddie kaspbrak kin

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em-be-lievable · 5 years

Text

Aight fam so here’s my current game plan:

I think we’re gonna do a test stream/watch together friday, and do a movie viewing with commentary!

I actually got this idea from a post that LJ made a hot second ago! For those of you who don’t know/are new here I really REALLY love horror movies, and what’s even better is I love ruining horror movies for other people. A lot of my friends are complete wusses and can’t watch scary movies on their own so they take me because they know my jokes and nerdy computer animator degree rants just removes the element of horror. I also do this with playing horror video games and such. My streams won’t ALL be horror stuff, but I’m feeling a horror movie watch together in this chilis tonight.

So are you a complete coward but you wanna watch a scary movie? Watch it with Punkle! I’m thinking Sinister will be the first movie but let me know if there’s smthn else you’d guys like to see that I can reasonably stream XD

And if you don’t want to watch a scary movie even with my commentary that’s cool! I’ll see you next time when I do smthn else! It’s nbd

#shut up em #Stream announcement!#I'll announce times closer to friday I got stuff to figure out before hand #but yeah!#Get Hyped!

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trash-the-tozier · 6 years

Text

Dog Days (5/7)

Title: Dog Days

Length: ~36.6k words (6.3k for this part)

Summary: Richie Tozier is twenty years old, over halfway through a Chemistry degree at the University of Maine, and in love with his best friend and roommate, Stanley Uris. And he figures that it’s fine, with no cause for change, until he finds an injured puppy near his apartment.

Warnings: Explicit language, small amounts of smoking/drinking, mentions of animal abuse (the animal stuff is all about the injured puppy, it’s not like… a recurring theme or smthn, it’s a cute fic I promise)

Pairings: Stan/Richie, background Ben/Beverly

A/N: I know it's been forever, but I promise I'm going to post this whole fic. I've just been sick for like a month. Thank you all so much for supporting this story so far, I'm glad you're enjoying it! Extra warning for this chapter: a tiny amount of violence happens (1 punch is thrown) Previous Parts: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 also posted to ao3 here tagging: @80s-kaspbrak, @sunshinestanley, @tiny-tea (hmu if you want to be tagged!)

As Richie often did when he was in disbelief of his own stupidity, he called Beverly. She picked up on the third ring.

“Hey, jackass. What’s up?”

“How much does a hitman cost? You can order those over the dark web or something, right?”

“...Richie. What the fuck?”

“I need someone to take me out. End my existence.”

“Just go back to Derry. I'm sure Bowers would love to finish the job.”

The mention of their old tormentor brought things into perspective, at least a little bit, and Richie sighed.

“What happened?” Beverly asked. “What did you do?”

Richie didn't ask why Beverly had assumed it was himself that fucked something up.

“Do you want the long version, or the short version?” He asked, watching Mira sniff a perimeter around the dumpster.

“Short.” Beverly decided.

“I licked Stan’s face.”

“Richie!”

“There was context! I promise!” Richie regretted not grabbing Mira's leash, having to walk close behind her to keep her hidden behind the apartment building. “It… It made sense, sort of. And then I tried to play it off, but I don't think it went well.” He sighed, reaching up to run a hand through his hair, the action interrupted as he had to bend over and pull a stick out of Mira's mouth instead.

“So what, you took something a little bit too far and now you're panicking?” Beverly asked. “That's what you called me about? Richie, it's fine.”

“No, Bev. You didn't see his face.” The complete shock, the stillness, the wide eyes. Had disgust been there too, or was he just imagining it? “And I have to work a shift with him this evening. Goddamnit.”

“Well…” Beverly had a grin in her voice, but there was also a devious edge to it that Richie recognized. “You could just own it and tell him the truth.”

“The truth?”

“You know. That you want actually want to lick every inch of his naked body.”

“Fuck you.” It was the only thing Richie could think to say, because his face was so red that he couldn't really breathe. He bent to pick Mira up, ready to carry her back up the stairs, and heard a voice in the background of the phone call.

“Um, Beverly? Who are you talking to?”

It was Ben, and he was understandably confused, with only his girlfriend's side of the conversation to listen to. Richie was suddenly put on speaker phone.

“Richie licked Stan.” Beverly reported.

“I… What?”

“It's nothing.” Richie said quickly. “Listen, are you guys free tonight?”

He opened the apartment door and set Mira down, where she rushed into the living room and tackled her rabbit toy, growling and wagging her tail.

“I've got to study for a test.” Ben said after a moment's thought. “I think that's it though.”

“Cool. Could you study over here?”

“Doubtful.”

“I won't be here.”

“Oh. Then yeah, probably. Why?”

“Stan and I both have work tonight, and I just don't want to leave Mira alone. Could you guys watch her for us? Just for a couple of hours.”

“Yeah!” Beverly said quickly. “We'll be right over. Sounds great.”

Richie noticed Ben's lack of agreement, but trusted their relationship enough to accept Beverly's answer for the both of them. After taking a deep breath, Richie called out to Stan, who he assumed was hiding away in his room.

“Ben and Beverly are coming over. They agreed to watch Mira.”

“Okay.” Stan's voice was a little quiet; Richie had to strain slightly to hear it. “You should get ready to go.”

A quick glance at the time told Richie that Stan was right. He changed into his work clothes, hearing Ben and Beverly enter just as he pulled his shirt over his head. He yanked it down as he rushed out to greet them, finding once he arrived that his haste was unnecessary; Stan was already in the living room with them.

“Uh… Hi.” He said dumbly. Silence hung awkwardly in the air, broken quickly by Beverly, who crouched down to coo at Mira. Richie could feel Stan looking at him, but he didn't look back.

“Am I crazy, or is she a ton bigger than she was when I first saw her?” Ben asked.

“She looks bigger than she was two days ago, when I met her.” Beverly said.

“Neither would surprise me.” Stan answered with a sigh. They walked the two of them through the simple matter of her feeding and medication, telling them to let her out every couple of hours because she wasn't house trained yet. They nodded, promising they could do it all, and after Richie made them swear to call him if anything happened, Richie and Stan got in Stan's car and went to work.

It was a short drive, the pizza place close enough for Richie to walk back and forth most of the time. Richie didn't want to chance any awkward silences, turning the radio on, the two of them listening to various commercials nearly the entire way there. Richie wondered if he was overreacting, if the avoidance was making it all worse, but whenever he decided to buck up and say something, he chickened out.

Work wasn't any better. He was able to be loud in front of his coworkers, grinning and cracking jokes that were borderline inappropriate, but Stan moved stiffly around him, and Richie couldn't help but react to him the same way. It was near midnight when their shift ended and it was time to go home, and Richie couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't have ruined everything, he told himself; he'd barely even done anything.

Stan pulled up to the apartment complex and put his car in park. He reached up to take the key from the ignition, but Richie's voice stopped him.

“Do you want me to apologize?”

“...what?” Stan looked over at him, confused by the lack of context, though he seemed a bit tense in the shoulders.

“What?” Richie asked back. “Have I been going crazy all day, or have things been weird?”

Stan was quiet for a moment. “Things have been weird.” He admitted.

“I mean... I just don't get it. I've done worse things than lick you before.”

“Yeah.” Stan gave a small laugh, but there wasn't much humor behind it. “I just wasn't expecting it, I guess.”

“Didn't expect it?” Richie asked. “When I promised that I would do it like five minutes beforehand?”

“I just didn't…” Stan trailed off, reaching up to turn his car off and take the key out of the ignition. The engine died, the air dark and quiet and still. “I didn't expect you to actually lick me.”

Richie would have assumed Stan was talking about the action as a whole, if not for the emphasis. The emphasis on lick. Meaning, if Richie’s smitten-swamped brain was right, Stan had expected something else.

“Would you rather I have kissed you?” He asked before he could stop himself. Stan didn’t answer, his eyes wide, and in a moment of tremendous stupidity Richie leaned over, past the gear shift and the empty cup holders on the center console, and kissed Stan on the lips.

It was short, just long enough to register the touch as something, just long enough to send a jolt of nerves up Richie’s chest, just long enough for him to realize just how incredibly terrible this idea had been. He jumped away, muttering out “there,” and escaping the car as fast as he could manage.

If everything hadn't been ruined before, it was now. But Ben and Beverly were up in the living room and Stan was probably coming up behind him, so he couldn't freak out just yet. He was very close to doing so, but as he opened the door and walked through, the sight he was met with did distract his mind.

His friends were on the couch, completely wrapped around each other. They heard Richie close the door and sprang apart like two teenagers caught doing something very indecent in a very public place.

“Well, hey.” Richie raised his eyebrows at Ben and Beverly's extremely red faces, hearing the door open and close again behind him. Stan. But before he could worry about that, he noticed something else. “Where's my dog?”

The living room and the kitchen were both empty.

“She was here a second ago.” Beverly protested, getting to her feet.

“Ben's hands were in your shirt a second ago.” Richie deadpanned, walking around the couch to get further into the room.

“Okay, a minute ago!” The blush hadn't faded from her face, and Ben hadn't even gotten up. Then they heard a familiar playful growl coming from Richie's room, along with a distinct ripping sound. To Richie's surprise Stan pushed past him, going into Richie's room first. They found Mira tearing into one of Richie's shirts, the piece of clothing all but destroyed. She was having the time of her life, Stan saying a very distinct and commanding “no,” and snatching the shirt up.

“Ignore her.” He told them all. “Not giving attention is the best way for a puppy to realize that she's done something wrong.”

“It's just a shirt, Stan.” Richie protested, because Mira, so excited about them being home, had begun leaping up on their legs and whining loudly, and Richie's self control was crumbling. “I don't mind.”

“Look at it.” Stan tossed the shirt to Richie. The neck hole and sleeves were still attached, but there was a huge hole that would expose a large majority of his chest if worn.

“Hey, it's not so bad.” Richie said. “Hashtag free the nipple, right?”

Stan glanced over at him, began to smile, and then began to laugh.

The shunning of Mira Tozier only lasted ten minutes, but in that time Ben and Beverly said their goodbyes, Richie thanking them for their pet sitting services. Then Stan retrieved Mira's chew toy, a rubbery blue bone, and offered it to her. When she took it in her mouth he praised her and petted her, the puppy flopping onto her back for tummy rubs.

“We need to teach her what she can and can't chew on.” Stan explained. “Some dogs will eat a chunk of their couch or something, and then it'll get stuck in some intestine, and they need surgery to get it taken out. We don't want that.”

“Oh.” Richie said. “Yeah. We don't.” It was hard not to stare at Stan, and Richie had to wonder what was happening. Stan was just sitting on the floor with the puppy, talking like everything was normal.

“I looked into it last night, stuff we might want to teach her.” Stan began, getting up to sit on the couch. He paused halfway through the motion, glancing cautiously at Richie. “I can sit down, right? Beverly and Ben, they weren't…”

He left the rest of the question to insinuation, and Richie laughed.

“It's fine! All clothes were on, and stuff.”

Gingerly, Stan sat. Richie busied himself with Mira on the floor, petting her little body all over as she crawled around his lap.

“Not to chew and bite inhibition seem like the most important ones to me.” Stan continued. “For her to only play with her toys, and not to play too rough. Along with making sure she's housebroken of course, but we're already working on that.”

Richie nodded a bit, feeling at a loss for words. His phone buzzed before he could think of something to say, and he pulled it out of his pocket.

From: Lavagirl I'm sorry Richie We did a good job watching her I SWEAR you just happened to walk in the one time we weren't giving her our complete attention

Richie had to laugh a bit. Stan gave him a curious look.

“What is it?” He asked.

“Oh, Bev’s just apologizing, that's all. As if I haven't seen Ben's tongue before.”

Stan laughed too, getting to his feet.

“I'm going to take a shower. Look around the kitchen for something we can have for dinner, would you? I'm really not in the mood for takeout.”

“Yeah, sure.” Richie watched as Stan walked off, still feeling slightly lost. That… That was it? They were pretending like nothing happened? Richie was relieved, sure, but he couldn't help but feel slightly disappointed, too.

To: Lavagirl It's fine! There aren't any accidents on the rug and she got her food and her meds, and that's all I really care about Though if you ever do get it on in our apartment just tell us what upholstery to wash

From: Lavagirl Oh my god shut up The whole evening was really domestic I promise That was part of the problem actually Ben was being really sweet and talking about a future and buying a house and I just

To: Lavagirl He was talking about mortgage and you got all hot and steamy? Y'all are so weird

From: Lavagirl Speaking of weird, are you alright? Something seemed off.

Nothing slipped past Beverly, apparently. Mira picked up her rabbit toy and ran over to him, Richie wrestling with her as he thought of a way to respond. Finally, he decided that if Stan was going to pretend everything was fine, then so would he.

To: Lavagirl Nah, I'm good. Maybe I just still had my customer service face on or something. Don't worry about me, Bev.

The next day, Richie had to go to class. Though it wasn't his first time being away from Mira, it almost felt that way. Stan sent him a few photos throughout the day of Mira playing or sleeping, one of the pictures even showing a training session, Mira sitting attentively, her eye transfixed on a treat Stan was holding that was just barely in the frame. While adorable, the pictures also made Richie want to go home all the more, and he wondered briefly if this was how parents felt about their children.

That night, curled up in bed with Mira's body splayed across his legs, Richie set up a Craigslist ad for her. He tried to make it as uninteresting as possible, leaving out any pictures and wording everything in a way that was short and to the point. He set the price as 'negotiable’ because truly, he didn't know, and ended up listing Stan’s phone as the number to send inquiries to. He knew that if he got any texts or calls from someone interested in taking Mira away, he wouldn't be able to stand it.

Over the next two weeks, Mira settled into their lives pretty well. Despite everything Richie had read online, she was taking to the training they were giving her. It wasn't really out of a desperation to please though, and more of a desperation for attention, Stan’s shunning method working rather well. Two more of Richie's shirts, along with two and a half pairs of shoes, were sacrificed before Mira's destructive habits were confined to just her toys, though they did still have to reprimand her for mouthing on things every once and awhile. Richie's attempts to get her to play nicer were going more slowly, but once he read up about the method behind it, Mira began getting gentler and gentler with her teeth.

Mira's training attitude seemed rather confined to Richie and Stan though, Stan being the main disciplinary force in the house. Unless they had a treat in hand, Ben and Beverly's attempts to get Mira to do much of anything were pointedly ignored. Richie found it rather funny, and couldn't say it didn't make him feel special. Despite this attitude though, Richie noticed Ben warming up to Mira quite a bit, and that put a smile on his face.

Richie could barely believe how fast Mira was growing. With an increase of size came an increase of everything else, with shedding, energy, and appetite being the ones most noticable. While she tired easily with her leg still on the mend, daily walks became a must. Leaving and re-entering the apartment complex were always stressful moments, Richie murmuring “what dog? I don't have a dog,” to himself like a chant and navigating the stairs as fast as he could. It was always much easier when Stan went with them, acting as lookout during the dog smuggling.

The shedding was what bothered Stan the most. It was a near constant occurrence, and as a result, dust bunnies of dog hair began developing in every corner of every room. Being two college age boys, neither owned a vacuum cleaner.

“It's uncontrollable. Her fur gets everywhere.” Stan complained, a blissfully ignorant Mira asleep in his lap as he sat on the couch. He lifted his hand from where it had been resting next to his thigh, making a face and wiping it on his jeans. “She's drooly, too.”

“She's a dog, Stan.” Richie said, without looking up from his biochemistry homework. “I don't know what you expected.”

Stan took to brushing her every night. At first, the extra attention was cause for excitement, and with Mira running around and nipping at Stan's fingers, the whole operation was incredibly ineffective. But then Stan took to waiting until the evening, when all of Mira's energy had already run its course, and it became a relaxing activity instead. The tension would leave Stan's shoulders as he worked, Mira often even falling asleep halfway through the process. When that happened Stan would stay with her for a little while, petting or cradling her, even once kissing her on the head when he thought Richie wasn't watching. Richie swore he felt his heart explode.

When those two weeks had run their course, April now upon them, it was time to bring Mira back to the animal hospital to get her leg checked up on and her sutures removed. Richie and Stan found a Friday morning when they were both free and scheduled the appointment, bringing her in together. Richie noticed his receptionist friend sitting behind her desk and absolutely beaming at them, and with a sick jolt of fear, realized that she would want to bring up their inside joke again. Except Richie still hadn't told Stan.

“Hey,” Richie said lowly, catching Stan by the jacket sleeve as they walked in. “I have something you need to know.”

“...what?” Stan gave him a quizzical look.

“That receptionist there? The one staring at us? Well…” Richie couldn't think of a good way to say it, so he said it as plainly as he could. “When I came here with Ben, she thought we were dating. You and I, I mean.”

“Okay?”

“And… I didn't correct her.”

“Oh.” Stan was silent for a long moment, Richie waiting for him to get mad, or creeped out, like Ben said he would be. But neither happened. Stan just said “okay,” and walked straight up to the reception desk.

“Okay?” Richie muttered to himself, having no idea what that was supposed to mean, hurrying up behind him.

“Mira Tozier, here for her recheck.” Stan told the receptionist with a smile.

“Oh, of course I know who you are.” She responded, smiling back. “Long time, no see for you!”

“I've been working.”

“Yes, I've heard. The what, backbone of the household?” The receptionist gave Richie a look that meant she was absolutely enjoying herself, but all Richie could manage was a weak smile back. What was happening?

“Well, I wouldn't have to work so much if he picked up extra shifts, like I do.” Stan lied, looking over at Richie with what could only be described as affection, reaching over and mussing up his hair. Richie could feel himself turning beet red, and the receptionist, looking delighted, got from her seat and said she would notify the doctor of their arrival.

“Do you think she bought it?” Stan asked as they went to sit down.

“Bought it?” It took Richie a second to find his voice. “She didn't need to buy anything, I just--”

“Yeah, but did you see how happy she was?” Stan grinned a little, and Richie couldn't help but watch him, feeling hopelessly confused. “I don't mind. Hey, she might even give us a discount or something.”

Dumbfounded, Richie simply nodded. Thankfully, he was able to pull himself out of his surprise by the time the vet technician arrived, and their appointment started. They found out that Mira had grown a full eight pounds since she'd left the hospital, putting her weight in the lower thirties. Her eye had healed up well, the veterinarian delighted by that; the skin had completely sealed, her hair already beginning to grow back. Nothing had disturbed her broken leg either, the bones still all set correctly, being told to return in three weeks time to see if they could take the cast off. All in all, everything was fine. Richie beamed with pride.

“Now that her injuries are healing, it's likely that you'll see an increase in her energy, as she can return to acting like a normal puppy.” The veterinarian told them, and Richie nodded.

“We've definitely seen that.”

“Then it would do no harm to take her on walks. Though, due to her size, it would also be good to begin training her to heel; that is a habit she needs to have by the time she's big enough to pull you off your feet.”

Nodding a bit, Richie thanked them and they were able to go back home. They made it out of the car and halfway up the stairs before a loud voice stopped them.

“Uris! Tozier! What the hell do you think you're doing?”

Richie froze, trying to look innocent, trying to keep the wince off his face as he turned to greet their landlord, a short, balding, and angry-looking man standing at the bottom of the steps.

“Good afternoon!” He tried, passing Mira's leash quickly over to Stan.

“Is that a dog?” Their landlord asked.

“It is! It's not our dog though, Mr…” Richie realized in a moment of wild stupidity that he couldn't remember the man's name. Stan, who hadn't yet turned around, gave Richie a grimace that told him he didn't remember the name either, and when the landlord didn't offer it over, Richie simply had to continue on. “...sir. It's my sister's dog. She asked me to watch her for the night. Just for one night! And I figured, since she's not technically living here, it would be--”

“No!” The man looked hopping mad. “Didn't you read the rent agreement? No pet policy! That means no pets!”

“But--”

“No! You bring that dog down these steps now. You'll have to shack it up somewhere else for the night. I don't care where, but it's not staying here.”

The throbbing vein in the man's temple didn't leave them with much room for argument. Unsure of where else to go, they piled back into Stan's car. Richie suggested the nearest fast food place, and they were off.

They ended up at Sonic, somewhere Richie hadn't been since he was a kid. They got two milkshakes, a double order of fries, and a small vanilla ice cream for Mira, who lapped up the new treat eagerly.

“What do we do?” Stan asked. His eyes caught the midday sun as he looked over at Richie, lighting up in beautiful brown and green and gold. Richie cleared his throat loudly and looked away, popping the lid off his milkshake. He took three fries, dunked them all in the drink, then put them all in his mouth.

“We’ll just go back later.” He said, Stan giving him an expression that very clearly said 'don’t talk with your mouth full’. He swallowed. “That guy probably thinks we're dumb, but not so dumb that we'd try to smuggle the same dog into the same apartment twice in one day. He won't be looking out for us.”

“He will for a couple of hours, though.” Stan took a long drink from his milkshake straw. “What do we do until then? I would say walk Mira for a little while, but I don't really feel comfortable doing that along the side of the road.”

“I think we should sit here, and finish up our fries and milkshakes.” Richie began. The word “walk” had suddenly reminded him of something. “Then go back to the apartment. I have something in the woods I need to show you.”

Stan gave him a critical once-over.

“If this is some joke about your dick or something--”

“No!” Richie felt his face turn pink, though he didn't know why he was embarrassed. Dick jokes were nothing new. “It's actually something. It's kinda serious, really.”

Stan raised an eyebrow, but didn't ask any following questions. He turned back to his milkshake, drinking from it again, and suddenly began to laugh.

“What?” Richie asked him.

“I just…” Stan reached over to get some fries, two of them between his fingers as he looked up at Richie, grinning, an incredulous sort of amusement behind his words. “I just can't believe we couldn't remember our landlord's name.”

That had Richie laughing too.

“I know! I seriously have no idea. Mr… Mr. Calver? Clemson? Something like that?”

“Didn't it start with an 'H’?” Stan asked back, and Richie shrugged.

“Probably. Maybe.”

They gave suggestions back and forth, the quality of the guesses slowly devolving into jokes. Richie's suggestion of “Mr. Bulging Neck-Vein” made Stan spit milkshake all over the table, and they had to ask a server for napkins. Finally though they got to their feet, cleaned up their table, and got back in Stan's car. He parked on the opposite side of their apartment building, and the three of them snuck off into the woods.

“How far is it? Stan asked, and Richie didn't know what to say. He wasn't even sure he was walking in the right direction; he hadn't really been paying attention while talking to Eddie on the phone. After a few minutes of silence, Stan spoke again.

“Can you at least tell me where we're going? Because this kind of feels like the first five minutes of Law and Order, or something. We're either going to get killed, or find a dead body.”

In spite of himself, that made Richie laugh.

“I think I found where Mira came from.” He said. “The day before I found her, I was on a walk, and I came across something that looked a lot like her. Some fuzzy animal in the creek. I couldn't really tell what it was, though. And I didn't try to get too close, because it was already dead. Maybe it had been for a while.”

The mood had sobered up, Stan watching him. Richie shrugged a little.

“I was talking to Eddie the other day, and walking around this area, and… I kinda stumbled upon something. I think it was a puppy mill.”

There was silence as the words sunk in.

“And Mira's a purebred dog, isn't she?” Stan asked quietly. Richie nodded.

“Yeah. Think so.”

Richie saw Stan nod out of the corner of his eye. They walked in silence, and then Richie heard barking. He followed the sound, Stan right behind him, and again, at the sight of the place, Richie's stomach lurched, an uneasy, queasy feeling setting in.

“Shit.” Stan murmured, while Mira's ears perked up at the sight of other dogs. “Richie… Richie, this is…”

“I know. I when I looked it up, it said that puppy mills are technically legal, but Beverly said that the really bad ones could be shut down. I don't know what to do.”

“There's no way this is okay.” Stan said. He pulled his phone from his pocket, typing quickly, pausing at a realization. “If this is where Mira is from, does that mean that whoever runs this place is the person that tried to kill her?”

“I… I don't know.” Richie hadn't considered that before. “Maybe, yeah.”

“We have to shut this place down.” There was a surprisingly vehemence in Stan's voice as he scrolled through web pages, reading quickly. “We should take pictures, look around… Get evidence and stuff.”

Richie nodded, pulling his own phone out.

“Stay here.” He told Stan, holding Mira's leash out to him when he began to protest. “Stay here with Mira. Don't worry; I'll be in and out before you know it.”

Stan frowned, but didn't argue. As quietly as he could, Richie crept forward.

His presence caused an uproar among the dogs. They all began barking as soon as they saw him, and Richie soon gave up on trying to be discreet, instead taking pictures of as many horrible things as he could, and as quickly as possible. With each step things looked worse and worse, and it wasn't long before he was discovered.

“Hey!” A rough shout made him jump. “Who the hell are you? What are you doing on my property?”

Richie spun, met with the sight of a man, long and thin like himself. This man was older, maybe closer to forty, walking with a slight limp. His face was nearly completely covered with a bushy brown mustache and beard, a baseball cap pulled low over his head.

“Oh, you know.” Richie shrugged, trying to sound nonchalant. “A little of this, a little of that.”

“This is private property.” The man growled, walking closer. “I will have you arrested for trespassing, you snot-nosed kid!”

There were dark, rust-colored splotches on the man's tan boots, and whether or not the stains were blood, that's what they looked like. Anger flared in Richie's stomach.

“Not if I get you arrested first.” He said, holding up his phone. “I know some people in law enforcement who would be very interested in what's on my camera roll.”

Richie, of course, didn't know anyone, but the words struck a nerve.

“Give me that!” The man yelled, running in Richie's direction. Richie had to dash to the side to avoid him, turning and jumping back, and in the confusion he didn't know what way to run in order to leave the way he came.

In his disoriented state he didn't have time to dodge the arm that flew in his direction; pain blossomed from Richie's mouth as the man's fist connected with his jaw, feeling what seemed like every one of his teeth puncturing his lower lip. His mouth filled with the taste of copper and he spat out red, gasping. Richie wasn't a stranger to being punched in the face, but it hadn't happened in years, stumbling backwards and keeping his head down. The man grabbed at his arm, his grip closing around the wrist of the hand Richie had holding his phone. He twisted, Richie letting out a shout of pain, dropping his cell phone to the ground. He had enough of his wits about him to kick the phone away when it landed near his foot, and that made the man release him. But Richie knew he was faster, scrambling over, falling to his knees to pick the device up.

With a growl, a mass of brown fur came streaking towards them. Richie managed to grab hold of Mira just before she leapt at the man; he didn't want her to bite him. He didn't want her to bite anyone.

Stan was standing at the edge of the trees, white-faced. Richie struggled to get his legs under him, setting Mira down in favor of holding her leash, and they ran full force in Stan's direction. When Richie reached him he didn't slow down, cutting off the beginning of whatever Stan was trying to say by grabbing his hand, and the three of them made a break for it.

The man hurled curses at them, but didn't give chase. Through all of the adrenaline and fear, Richie felt a strange laugh bubble from his mouth, and it did bubble; his rapid breathing was causing the blood behind his lips to froth and blister.

“Richie.” They were out of the trees by the time Stan found his voice. He had tears stinging his eyes, his breathing labored. “Richie, let go of my hand.”

The request took Richie by surprise so much that he followed immediately, releasing him. He didn’t know how to feel about it, but when he saw Stan’s hand, that worry was gone and replaced by a newer, stronger one. Stan’s palm was ripped with rope burn, doubtlessly from Mira’s leash, and Richie had been holding it, pressing into it.

“I’m so sorry.” He gasped. “I’m sorry, I didn’t--”

Stan just shook the apology off, neither of them speaking again until they were safely inside their apartment. Stan locked the door behind them and Richie sank to his knees, exhausted. Mira was on him instantly, whining and licking at his face, and while the concern was appreciated, it did hurt.

“Richie--” Stan began, about to crouch and help him up, but Richie shook his head.

“No. You go wash your hand off. I’m okay.”

Stan gave him one, long look before going to the kitchen sink. Richie pulled himself to his feet, making it to a kitchen chair before sitting down again.

“Are you okay?” Stan asked, without turning around.

“Yeah.” Richie answered. “I mean, my lip’s a little busted up, but that’s happened before. I’ll live.”

When Stan turned back to him, he was holding a warm washcloth. He approached Richie’s face with it, but when Richie tried to bat him away, Stan grabbed his wrist and forced his arm back down.

“Let me.” He insisted, so Richie did. The washcloth was rough against his swollen, broken skin, but he didn’t say anything. The moment felt too fragile; Richie held his tongue.

When Stan moved away, turning to rinse the bloody washcloth off in the sink, Richie deemed it safe to speak up.

“Is your hand okay? What happened?”

Stan sighed.

“I'll be fine.” He said. “We heard the guy's voice first, and Mira's hackles just instantly went up. I don't know if she remembered him or what, but she didn't like him at all. And then we heard you yell, and there wasn't anything I could do. I didn't expect her to move so fast. I didn't even know she could, honestly, with her leg and everything. I didn't have the handle of the leash around my wrist; I was just holding onto the rope. She ripped it out of my hand.”

“Sorry.”

Stan simply looked at him for a moment, bunching his lips up before straightening them again, as though rolling Richie's apology around in his mouth.

“It's fine.” He said, moving towards the freezer to get ice for Richie's still-swelling lip. “It's not your fault.”

Richie decided to ignore the fact that yeah, it kind of was.

They crowded around Richie's laptop together and tried to find the best way to report what they saw. They ended up finding a form they could submit on the ASPCA website, Stan filling it out while Richie complained about just how cold the ice pack was.

“Of course it's cold. It has ice in it.”

“But what if my mouth goes numb?”

“Then maybe you'll shut up for once.”

“Stan!” He whined, removing the ice from his face. “My lips are freezing! This is your fault. You should warm them up for me.”

If this had been a month ago, Stan would have laughed or rolled his eyes or shoved him off the couch. Now though, Stan went silent and still and Richie regretted saying anything, feeling as though he'd broken their unspoken agreement to not talk about the kiss in the car. Instead of sitting in awkward silence, Richie shifted topics without any ease or eloquence.

“Anyway, I've been meaning to ask you… The Craigslist ad? Has anyone responded to it? I put your name and number for the contact information.”

“Oh, thanks.” Stan said dryly. “I'm so glad that any random person on the internet now has access my phone number. But no, to answer your question. Nobody's called about her.”

“Really?” Richie had been avoiding even thinking about the offer he'd posted to sell Mira away, not wanting to bring it up to Stan for fear that someone wanted to negotiate prices, or something. He'd been a bit surprised that Stan hadn't mentioned it either, but had told himself not to question his luck. A lack of responses explained that, though. He looked over at the puppy in question, who was chasing her tail, becoming confused whenever the tail switched over to her right side and she couldn't see it anymore. She looked hilarious, and Richie's heart ached a little. “Who wouldn't want her?”

“I don't know.” Stan shrugged, returning his eyes to the form on the computer screen. “I mean, it does sort of make sense. She still has a cast on her leg, and we said we would foster her until she was all healed, right?”

“Yeah, I guess.” Stan looked over him, a little grin growing on his face that made Richie's heart skip a beat or two.

“What?” He had to ask.

“You just…” Stan gestured to his injured face. “You look terrible.”

“How dare you?” Richie drew himself up and puffed out his chest, trying to imitate an overly pompous English gentleman. “You're making a mockery, after I so valiantly defended my lady’s honor?”

“Making a mockery?” Stan asked back, raising an amused eyebrow, obviously surprised by the phrase. “And which one of us is your lady? Me or Mira?

“You, obviously.” Richie said, and Stan laughed. “Mira can hold her own, I think.”

#stozier #stozier fic #stanley uris #richie tozier #it 2017 #myfic #dog days #slow burnnnnnn baby

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smosh-stuff · 6 years

Text

2 A.M. Breakdowns (TD)

“He was trying to keep his breathing steady, but it wasn’t working. The breaths came in shallow and quick, leaving too soon. The shaky drags he was taking from his joint were doing nothing, he couldn’t hold it in long enough, and when he exhaled the smoke it was in sporadic, useless puffs. He clenched his hands tighter. He didn’t want to see them shake.”

Teenage Disasters songfic oneshot, Sohinki-centric, with mentioned Sohinki/Lasercorn.

Read on ao3

Do you think my eyes should be wider? Do you think my expressions should match how it is on the inside, to say...

Matt felt jets of heat passing through his lips and nostrils as he exhaled, a stream of smoke flowing into the cold night air. His knuckles were blanching on both hands, with the fingers of his left hand digging into his knee and the other with a death grip around his joint. He was slouched, sitting on the curb, staring blankly at the asphalt.

He was trying to keep his breathing steady, but it wasn’t working. The breaths came in shallow and quick, leaving too soon. The shaky drags he was taking from his joint were doing nothing, he couldn’t hold it in long enough, and when he exhaled the smoke it was in sporadic, useless puffs. He clenched his hands tighter. He didn’t want to see them shake.

Do you think my words should be wiser? Do you think my expressions should match how it is on the inside to say- Holy fuck, I’m about to die.

His head was spinning. It was too much, everything was just too much and he couldn’t think. He was a mess right now, yeah, that much was obvious, obvious from the wetness of his cheeks, from the aching of his lungs, from the fact that the only thought he could hold onto right now was how he couldn’t breathe, or how he felt like he was dying, he couldn’t breathe, he was dying -

Angry for no reason, Twisted up inside.

Matt’s eyes and nose were burning, and his entire body was shaking, and he knew it wasn’t just the cold that was doing it all. His throat was hoarse from screaming, and the sound of his mom’s empty bottles smashing into the trees in the backyard still felt like it was ringing in his ears.

There were angry red lines on the palms of his hands, shallow and no longer bleeding. He let go of his knee and dug his fingertips into his hand instead, and felt hot wetness begin to coat them. He lifted his fingers and turned his hand so he could look at it. Thin splotches of red now covered it. He let out another shaky gasp, closing his eyes and letting his arm drop back to his lap. His forehead rested against the back of his other hand, still upright and holding his joint.

Wicked roots that take me under, Are twisted up, on the inside. Holy fuck, I'm about to die.

Matt felt like he was being constricted. Every limb was tense and stiff but weak, trembling. His chest was heavy, too heavy, and maybe that was why he couldn’t fucking breathe right now. He was burning up from the inside out, but everything inside was cold and uncomfortable, his stomach twisted and a nauseous.

He thought he might vomit, but he couldn’t move and his body didn’t seem to be performing on its own, so the painful sensation simply remained in him. The panicked static in his mind wasn’t going away, if anything it was growing as fresh tears rolled down his face.

It was probably another minute before a sudden moment of clarity washed over him. It was only there for a second, and he sunk back into his miserable breakdown almost instantly, but now his hand was moving again. It was like being on autopilot, watching himself reach into his pocket and pull out his phone. The artificial light of its display cut into the darkness like a knife. His notifications displayed 136 new messages from a group chat. His finger tapped it of its own accord and when the window opened up, he barely registered the words of the newest messages.

MEMERS ANONYMOUS | #generaltalk | end my suffering

TALLBOY Today at 2:16 A.M.

BOZE stop changing my name!!!!

Lilbabyboze Today at 2: 17 A.M.

N E V E R

Tacohashi Today at 2:17 A.M.

Can someone remind me why this is happening at 2 AM

DAETIMEEE Today at 2:17 A.M.

You can always just turn off your notifications

Blindboy Today at 2:18 A.M.

Boze I s2g

I can remove your permissions yknow

Lilbabyboze Today at 2:18 A.M.

U remove my permissions and ur gonna catch these hands at lunch tmrw

Tacohashi Today at 2:19 A.M.

Sohin is lucky he doesnt have to deal with this shit

DefinitelyNotASerialKiller Today at 2:19 A.M.

Where is he anyways?

Blindboy Today at 2:20 A.M.

Probably getting high or smthn

DefinitelyNotASerialKiller Today at 2:20 A.M.

Without me?

I Will Kill Him

Tacohashi Today at 2:20 A.M.

Please don’t kill your boyfriend Lasercorn

DefinitelyNotASerialKiller Today at 2:21 A.M.

Blindboy Today at 2:21 A.M.

You can’t just use an innocent frowny face after being denied murder

DefinitelyNotASerialKiller Today at 2:21 A.M.

:(((((((((

Sohinki’s finger hovered over the text bar. He wasn’t sure how long he sat, thoughtlessly deliberating. Eventually, though, he tapped out of the chat.

He wasn’t even sure what he would say, but he knew he couldn’t face all of them. Not tonight. Not like this.

Instead, he found himself in his chat with Lasercorn. He found that his fingers were trembling too much to type properly, but couldn’t seem to steady them.

@LASER_CoRN | aka DefinitelyNotASerialKiller

Sohinki Today at 2:23 A.M.

Duide

Can youu

Comee over

ro osomthing

LASER_CoRN Today at 2:23 A.M.

What?

I mean yeah

Are you okay?

Should I tell everyone else?

Sohinki Today at 2:24 A.M.

Pleas e

LASER_CoRN Today at 2:24 A.M.

Alright I’m on my way

Whats wrong?

Sohinki Today at 2:25 A.M.

I feel ;like im dyingf

Im sorryu

LASER_CoRN Today at 2:25 A.M.

?? Hold on I’m in the car now

What happened?

Sohin?

Hello?

And now there were droplets of water on the screen, because he was crying more, god, why couldn’t he stop crying?

Holy fuck, I’m about to die;

He hunched over more as those tears turned to sobbing, and at some point his phone must have timed out because it was dark again, he was alone, he was waiting on the sound of a shitty pickup truck engine and tires rumbling across cracked asphalt. But right now he was alone, and he felt like he was dying.

He was alone.

Holy fuck, I’m about to die...

#smosh #smosh games #teenage disasters au #teenage disasters #high school au #my stuff #nerd writes

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wannasoftimagine · 7 years

Text

park jihoon as your older friend

(( AS REQUESTED! // jihoon scenario where you're 2 years younger than him so you think he only sees you as a little sister but he confesses to you when he thinks you're gonna date someone else bc he's scared of losing you??? this is lowkey rly specific but THANK YOU!!! ))

ure used to hearing ppl talk abt how young jihoon is, and how hes so so so cute

of course, u agree with him

everyone does tbh

still, it makes u feel a little upset bc it seems like everyone who says those things are older than him, with jobs and life experience and history and Fancy Stuff like tht

so compared to them, u feel like a toddler

even tho ure only 2 yrs younger than jihoon, it feels like theres 100 yrs between u

it doesnt help tht jihoon is always going on radio shows and reality programs, acting cute whenever someone older so much as looks his way

still

u know u should prob just feel grateful tht ure close friends, since most ppl dont even get tht far

but sometimes u wonder if itd be better if u werent close, bc now he only sees u as a little sibling to take care of

u wish u could say it wasnt true, but everything he does is exactly like an older brother

he dotes on u and watches over u, but instead of acting like a caring boyfriend, he just seems like someone babysitting his little sibling and u haTE IT

ure not even sure how long uve liked him romantically, but its like whenever u remember how he used to treat u even when u first met, ure stuck thinking abt how he mustve seen u

after all, who can look at a kid tht used to cry whenever their parents went to work and go “oh yeah theyre cute i like them a lot” ???

not jihoon

esp when hes already way out of ur league to begin with

as u get older, ur feelings for jihoon dont completely fade

there r times when theyre easier to ignore, sure, but its impossible to think tht theyre actually gone

whenever u guys make eye contact over dinner at a fast food restaurant, he beams at u in a way tht cant possibly be taken as platonic

ur heart is beating way too fast for u to lie to urself

anyways

u try and move on by befriending other ppl and even trying to date some other ppl

of course tht rlly doesnt work out

u turn down almost anyone tht u could possibly go out with, and even when ur friends try and set u up with other ppl, u can never make it past the first blind date

(ure too busy comparing the strangers to jihoon and watching them all fall short)

u mention some of the blind dates to jihoon

at first its bc ure hoping he’ll get jealous and confess

but as more time goes on, hes still just as supportive in his answers, and u realize tht theres no use in hoping when he clearly doesnt feel the same way

then a new guy transfers to ur school, and hes vaguely attractive and smart and funny and u get along well enough

he asks u out after school one day, and ure like why not? so u accept a first date bc u might as well give it a shot

its the first date tht ure on where u try not to think so much abt jihoon

it works for the most part, but u still find ur mind drifting off and wondering what jihoons up to

when the guy excuses himself to take a phone call from one of his friends, u manage to text jihoon to check up on him

u banter back and forth, and u cant help the way ure grinning down at ur phone with every text he sends u

at some point he asks where u are, and u realize wHOOPS guess who didnt tell jihoon tht u were having a date tonight

...

cmon dude whats up w that

anyways so u explain to him tht ure on a date w the new guy in ur class

and jihoons response is surprisingly short and clipped

its just a quick “oh” and ure like “???” bc hes never responded quite like tht before

so u ask him if smthns up

u see the typing bubble appear and disappear, appear and disappear, and so on

eventually it just disappears completely and he doesnt start typing again and ure even more confused than u were before

after what seems like forever, he texts u to ask if ure having a good time

u tell him tht u think u are

honestly tho, ure not too sure bc now its impossible for u to think of anything other than him

the guy comes back with an apology and a smile, and ure forced to tuck ur phone away and try not to be too obviously distracted for the rest of the evening

tht proves to be WAY TOO HARD

the entire night ure picking apart the way the guy cuts his food (jihoon looks cute doing literally anything), how he gives u a smile when u meet eyes (it doesnt look as genuine and bright as jihoons), how jihoon wouldnt even take u to a restaurant like this (u both feel more comfortable somewhere lowkey and relaxed)

if the guy notices, he doesnt say anything

at the end, he just drops u off back at ur home and tells u he had a nice time, and “maybe we could do this again?”

all u can do is choke out a “maybe” in response before ure hurrying inside and scrambling to check ur phone

jihoon hasnt rlly texted u since u last checked, and u can feel ur heart drop a little in its chest

u send him a quick msg, asking what hes up to and if he wants to facetime or smthn bc ure done with the date, and hes quick to agree

right before u call him, u see his text saying tht “i need to talk to u abt smtn too so its good timing”

ure freaking out a little bc maybe hes going to tell u abt his own s/o now tht uve told him abt ur date and u can feel ur hands shaking as the connection loads

once ure in ur room, u manage to make out his tired (but still glowing) features on ur phone screen

u greet each other with half-stilted questions, and u cant help but wonder why ure both so awkward w each other

i mean. obv u know why u are

but ure like ? why is HE acting so weird

and after a few more moments of tense silence, u finally ask him what he wanted to talk abt

somehow even thru the phone screen u can see his face turn bright red

and u would think abt how cute it was if u werent also thinking tht u mustve been right, hes dating someone else, and u can feel ur eyes start to well up w tears bc uve always known tht he didnt like u back, but this time its so painfully obvious

thts when he clears his throat like “um,, y/n,,,, we’ve known each other for awhile and i kno ure kinda young but,,,,,,”

and somehow he hasnt noticed tht ure having a mental breakdown as he gets closer and closer to saying what he wanted to tell u

“anyways y/n,,, i rlly like u so please dont go out w that guy again and mb go out w me instead??”

which. WHAT

ure literally shellshocked and hes trying to explain on the other end like “i mean u dont have to if u dont want to i just wanted to tell u and-”

its honestly precious tbh

u barely manage to cut him off but ure still a mess of emotions so u cant rlly talk properly

ure pretty sure tht u end up saying the equivalent of a keyboard smash,,,

he quiets down tho, and as ure trying to figure out want u want to say, he just looks at u w this rlly cute earnest expression and ur heart MELTS

eventually u manage to choke out tht u like him and now its his turn to get surprised

“WAIT ARE U SERIOUS”

he whisper-screams the whole thing, bc he doesnt want to actually scream and hurt ur ears but hes still freaking out and cant contain everything hes feeling

all u can do is nod and grin into ur hands and hes like “uGH now i wish i could tell u in person” but hes acting all soft and shy and tbh u dont think either of u could handle it if u were in the same room right now

still

ure both blushing and giggling and u feel so so relieved its kinda embarrassing

but he manages to cough out tht he’s rlly rlly happy tht u like him too, and “lets meet up soon? please?”

and who are u to deny him smthn like tht

(esp when uve been dreaming abt going on a date w him since forever ago)

eventually u have to end the call

but u both go to sleep that night with ur phones nearby, smiling even as u drift off to sleep

#requested #jihoon #wanna one #wanna one imagine #wanna one imagines #wanna one scenarios #wanna one scenario #park jihoon #park jihoon imagines #jihoon imagines #park jihoon scenarios #jihoon scenarios

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tylerwritez · 3 years

Text

Saturday, June 19 2021

I dont know how I feel about the day yet cos right now its only 10:13. I dont post these exactly on the days I write them, but I write them on these exact days nonetheless.

My throat still hurts, my ass hurts, oUch,.... I'm sure you know why. Like, when you suck dick, it takes throat strength to make sure you don't fucking vomit everywhere and like. I OBVIOUSLY dont have that strength since I had to wash vomit outta my hair this morning

Hes so hot tho oh. My god.

Whatever. New day. So we talk about new things.

Star seems kinda sad but I dont really know why? She said on her story that people dont really go outta their way to talk to her... idk. I shot a good morning dm and now I'm here. I made my bed. Packed up my shit. Every time we pack things up my parents rage cos they always find shit they dont want to see: monster cans, evidence of my self harm, etc.

We have 1 more week then school is OVER and I move outta this house cos of the divorce. Jay will be gone too... I still have his insta, but I might ask for his number... just in case. I always get weirdly attached to people I fuck even if there was never any romantic part of the relationship. We are just friends.

Apparently we are going to the pick n pack today with my friend let's call her Zara. It's notfar off from her real name but whatever. Basically pick n pack is where you go to a vegetable garden and pick vegetables

I have a test soon but idk if I'll study for it. I NEVER really put work into studying or pay attention in class and I'm holding an 82 average. I got a 39 once, so once I retake that quiz I might be in the 90s. Sorry Mr. Renal, I simply can't bring myself to care about your class 😢

I LOVE my art class tho. It's just doing ART!!!! ART TIME!!!! Art is the best and I would post some of mine but my irls would proabably find me then. Like my name isnt ACTUALLY Jude Shepard. I'm just using it as a penname and also cos that's what they called me in my dream. But other than that everything I tell y'all is real. I'm making buttered toast rn.

3:38 p.m. sat june 19th

I've decided to include a song recommendation with every entry. Today's recommendation: A Match Into Water by Pierce The Veil

Okay so it turns out we didnt go to pick n pack with Zara. Instead we went to downtown... White Ave. It was sunny n we walked a bit, got lemonades and a bit of candy, went into stores, idk. BUT. The notable part of this is that next to the farmers market there were all the usual activist groups: falun gong, vegan, whatever... but one of them looked like it was a LEFTIST GROUP, possible marxist.

I wanted to talk to them so badly and wanted to see how I could help the cause. See, I'm a communist. AND IM NOT HERE TO DEBATE THAT. I'm here to talk about my days. Anwyays I wanted to talk to them sO BADLY. but my parents wouldn't leave me alone. And like. I hate political discussion with them. They just upset me and they get mad and I CANT AFFORD TO MAKE THEM MAD. I play everything that goes on with me on the Down Low, I dont talk about anything about myself because if I do, I get less freedom in my life. They have control in my life, so I have to appease them. Because of this, I unfortunately did not get to talk to the communists :(

Hopefully they're still there next time... I'm kinda mad >:(

Also Star replied to my good morning text... I told her to have fun shopping since that's what she told me she was gonna do... she just said "thanks" and I was concerned because THATS NOT HOW SHE TYPES? I feel like shes sad over something but i dont know what.

The day me and Jacob did stuff, I was supposed to walk her to her bus stop like I always do. But I didnt (duh) I took Jacob home.

But IT WAS ONE! DAY. And I told her my dad called me over so.... I apologized too and she seemed mad at herself, but in the way that's intended to make you feel bad.

I dont understand her sometimes. I LOVE HER. DON'T GET ME WRONG. I love her so so much shes such a great supportive funny attractive girl! But soemtimes she gets upset and I can never tell why: is it the depression? Is it me? Is it soemthing else entirely? And she'll never tell me.

Whatever, I'll ask her how she is tonight and maybe we can Talk :/

I might never tell her about Jay... :P I might never tell ANYONE about Jay. It's our little secret I guess >:))))))

Man see? I'm no saint. I guess that's what'll make this blog worth reading. I'm a bit conflicted about the whole thing cos I KNOW this is morally not right but. I'm doing it anyways. What can I say? I'm used to lying and hiding things for my benefit. I had to do it to survive and now? Now I do it for funsies.

I'm gonna pack some more stuff, TTYL ♡

UPDATE: we had to go look at houses for the move (since my parents r divorcing) and I didnt get to pack much of anything yet

I'm definently over my cal limit today...

Cold sweet or carbonated drinks help with my throat pain so I'm downing them like they're NOTHING and since we have no zero cal cold drinks I'm DEAD... and no, water does NOTHING.

Jeez, its raining out.

And FUCK JAY cos hes still on my mind.

Its 4:11 p.m. now.

Its now 7:56 p.m.

I kinda feel like an edgy main character in an edgy movie rolling up to the park and sitting #alone in the Treez like the emo band music video protagonist I am.

Sometimes its exhausting to talk to people I care about in a serious way or that I talk to in a more sincere manner like Star and Jay and others. Even if they're just friends. If our interactions are serious and not really casual and usually play out like long deep conversation, I feel like to respond to or even read their messages, I need to have like an hour allotted to conversation. Soemtimes I see the messages early and have to pretend I didnt see em cos I dont have internet to respond or time to respond its. Funny. Idk.

Anwyays I'm binging chocolate in a park alone and like. Rotting my fucking teeth OH WELL 🤷🏻‍♂️ whatcha gonna do.

Its 8 now so I should head home. I just biked to the s4ve 0ns to get my dad white choclate but. If I'm going to s4ve 0ns... YOU BET YOUR ASS IM GONNA STE4L SHIT. THAT PLACE IS EASY AS FUCKKK.

Also I'm kinda addicted to sh0pl1fting. The THRILL I get from it is so insane. It's fun! And you get free stuff! I know If i get caught I'm risking a lot. I'm aware. But I dont really care. Every step I take nowadays is risk taking. So why not take more?

I dont care about nonsense therapy. Fuck that.... actually I'll explain why i dont go to therapy for my shit:

1. I cant

2. I don't trust it

Anwyays yeah.

My throat still hurts. Idk, I just like to be in the sun and shit ALONE.

ALONE! It's so funny to me how now I like my time alone but as a kid I'd proabably kill for some positive attention. Well... it's more complex than that, but I wont go into it tonight.

Pls watch me die of diabetes soon from eating all this fucking chocolate.

My parents said to stop drinking monster and I wANT THEM TO TRUST ME so i can go out with my friends... but also I shoulda got monster outta spite. Heart palpitations my ASS.

Tonight I'll be talking to Jay AND Star. At the same time. Which is awkward... Which is MY OWN MESS TO CLEAN UP. I actually accept full responsibility. But also its awkward.

Whatever. I'll sort it out.

My parents arent being as complicated as usual. I guess they're tryna reverse all those years of... emotional neglect i guess? Something.

Something. Which isnt nothing.

But also I think they're guilty over the divorce. Like. Today my dad was like "do u ever feel sad? Blah blah blah... how do u feel rn" and I was like smiling tryna play off his question like it was absurd and I said "uhm idk... *fake laugh* normal?"

THE TRUTH WAS THAT I WAS A BIT CONFUDDLED ABOUT WHAT I WAS GONNA DO REGARDING. LITERALLY CHEATING. ON MY GF. WITH SOME DUDE IN MY ART CLASS. JUST FOR SEX.

But then he was like "this isnt normal." And he looked all sad. But on my way to the park here, I thought about it a bit more. And actually... it IS normal. The divorce rate is smthn like 60 percent in the states and 40 percent in canada... which is where I live.

Yknow... if my irls find this,,, all I have to say is sorry. Be as mean as you want.

I've already accepted my fate as a degenerate scumbag anyways lol.

Actually... how DO I feel? Hmm... laying in this field.

Urgency.

I have a lot of stuff to do.

Physical pain, but that's not. A FEELING.

I guess anticipation to TALK TO PEOPLE.

Regret from my binge... I better get home.

You know what's so funny to me? I cant purge on my own... but dick makes me vomit. Like the one time I DONT want to throw up, I do. Damn okay.

Well its 8:18 so I'm going home maybe. Soon. For now, I think I'll stay a little longer.

Yknow one thing I didn't expect to be sore was my arms... which I used to prop myself up to... yknow, suck Jay...

I still remember he said: "you're trembling." And I was like FUCK because I thought the trembling was HIM... •_• it's okay though I'll learn to do better.

Idk tho... I feel comfortable with him. Even as nervous as I am and embarrassed to be. Naked. In front of soemone else. And such. He makes me feel comfortable. Look, I did my best, DUH of cOURSE I did my best, I'm the type who will work hard at stuff even if they're getting hurt. I didnt mind honeslty. My goal in that part was just to make him feel good. Equal exchange, yknow? He did the same thing to me.

But like, he can tell when I gag and he tells me not to hurt myself and of course I keep going, I'm not about to SToP. But. I dont kNOW. Him talking to me like that makes me feel a lot safer doing stuff like that you know?

I like when he starts kissing me and touching me like he cant contain himself its almost animalistic and VERY FUCKING HOT

I feel like I talk about him too much but you gotta realize that was my FIRST time

1. Sucking dick

2. having MY junk sucked

3. Having anything put. Inside me. (It was just his finger but stILL)

So yeaH. Of course I'm gonna talk about it. A lot.

He said I was adorable. He said he likes how, when he leans over me, I take in a breath... how he could make me flinch.

THATS HOT ISNT IT.

I feel like I'm getting lost in his charm when I shoULD be tryna fix shit with my girlfriend. She seems sad and I'm worried.

But there isnt much more to say until I DM her tonight...

I really fucked up, didn't I? I totally fucked up and now my brain is all confused. But I have to remember that Jay is only about sex. He would be nice to cuddle, since hes fucking HUGE and I'm kinda on the short side, but he doesnt talk to me out of love. He does it out of lust. And yeah... I really only want sex from him too. But like. Star and I are COMMITTED. We got our feelings wrapped up together. Emotionally and romantically.

So. I should proabably like... stop fucking with Jay. Tell Star what I did. And hope she forgives me. That's the morally correct thing to do.

But like... do I EVER make the morally correct decision? No. Not really. I'm a piece of shit. Whatever. Its highschool anwyays we arent mating for life. IM NOT SAYING WHAT I DID WASNT BAD. IT WAS. VERY BAD.

but I'm gonna keep making bad decisions.

I DO FEEL BAD.... but look. If we're being logical about this and tryna maximize my benefit here,, I should keep Star as my girlfriend and TREAT HER WELL... but with Jay as a fuckbuddy on the side. Hes leaving the school soon anwyays so then we'll hang out less...

That's my plan, anyways.

I KNOW I'm a bad person. I'm aware. But it's just a fact of life.

I'm cheating with my cards here in so many places: stealing, lying, cheating, disobeying my parents, not paying attention in class.. IM KIND OF AN ASSHOLE KID. Idk. It's kinda whatever to me. I'm fucking harry Houdini, okay? I can get out of anyhting. This isnt me being cocky... I have historically gotten out of MANY tight situations, even some that risked my life, and I'm still here. I think I'm a walking lucky charm or SOEMTHING

Welp, we know if gods real I'm going to hell.

I dont really care. Idk. I guess I'm just at that risk taking phase in.my life. That doesnt justify anything... but it explains it. And it's possible to explain without justifying.

Man,,, I guarantee whoever reads this blog is gonna hate my guts.

Whatever. It's my fucking journal/diary lol.

I can sorta say whatever I'd like.

It's funny because I always thought I was trustworthy and had no commitment issues BUT HEY I GUESS NOT.

I keep telling myself, cut him off, YOU AVE A GIRLFRIEND, FESS UP AND APOLOGIZE... but then I picture his STUPID smirking face and I CANT.

Maybe I am in love double.

Doesnt matter if I am... i still did a bad thing.

DAMN.

Well... I'm headed back home now. 8:41. I'm gonna pack my shit, change, watch youtube,,,, I guess I should check my google classroom and like. do my fucking homework... cos I haven't done it yet.

Then I'll update yall.

11:51 p.m.

Hey guys I'm back with an update.

I talked with both of then... star doesnt seem interested in having an actual conversation,,, shes just talking about random bs. Which is fine but I dont rly get what shes saying half the time COS SHES NOT BLUNT ENOUGH. and then the other half shes going on about how much she hates life. Like.

I do love her. We've bonded. I AM concerned about her. But sometimes I feel like she doesn't really try. Like I can talk her down from suicide all I want but everything I say is wrong and cliched and based off my own experience with suicidal thoughts and like... my mentality has always been sorta toxicly masculine. Push through, and push through alone. I CANT ALWAYS HELP! And it makes me feel shitty. Idk. She'll be okay, I know so cos of her story posts and drawings.

I feel bad but I know I can't help much. We talked a little. Idk, we didnt get anywhere. I love her but shes acting in a way that tells me soemthing is wrong but I CANT FIX THAT THING. SO. yeah, theres not much to say. I wish I could take away all her pain but I can't.

I talked to Jay as well... I DONT KNOW WHATS HAPPENING BECAUSE I LIKE HIM SO SO MUCH. SO MUCH. HES LITERALLY PERFECT. sexy, kind and super considerate, he always makes sure I'm comfortable... I dont KNOW,,, hes sweet.

Hes not romantically interested in me. Which is a bit sad. Sometimes I want to tell him "I love you!!!" But then I remember that we are, in his words, friends with benefits. Fuck buddies. Two horny teenage boys who just wanna fuck... and be friends. That's all. That's us. We aren't romantically involved nor will we ever be. I hate how my brain gets so attached to anyone I fuck... especially since I kinda see Jay as an "older brother" figure, which makes no sense until you actually meet him and vibe with him... and like,,, I've always wanted that?

Tommorow I'm gonna ask for him to come over to watch a movie... but idk if I should actually ask because my parents kinda hate me now for fucking up so much. I'll do my homework and clean my room first... which will take up all my time proabably :( it's okay. Maybe some other time :(

I dont want him to lose interest in me though.

.... its 1:56 a.m.

Okay. Okay. I'll say it. I love him.

Goodnight, tumblr.

-Jude

#JudeJournals #jude shepard #tumblr diary #journal

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