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undiscovered-horizon · 11 months

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In Emerald Hearts, Emerald Minds - Nikolai Lantsov x Reader

[mentions of unwanted advances + suggested groping + suggestive/sexual (consensual) themes]

☽ REQUESTS ARE OPEN ☾

SUMMARY: When Vasily asks you to forget his half-brother and marry him instead, you escape the Little Palace along Alina. Nikolai realizes something strange is going on when Kaz mentions seeing a similar emerald ring on the woman that came with the Sun Summoner. With how much you and Nikolai have been running in circles to find each other, the reunion aboard Volkvolny feels almost fated.

WORDCOUNT: ~ 4.6k

>>Grishaverse-inspired playlist<<

It feels like the Winter Fete has been going on forever. The champagne keeps on being poured, the guests keep on dancing and the circus acts just keep on performing as though tomorrow is a mere mirage, a concept of a certain time period that never actually comes. Inside those walls of gold and marble, the misery devouring all of Ravka seems like nothing beyond a mad nightmare - something so removed from reality, it’s hilarious in its ridiculousness. Everyone is so carefree and happy you almost take their joy as your own.

Almost.

The orchestra begins playing Waltz of the Flowers and you feel your throat tighten. Despite doing your best not to, your mind relives that fateful night when everything changed. For the longest time, you’d been claiming that the change was for the better but now, standing alone for another year in a row and watching the dashing aristocrats spin to the music, you’re not so sure anymore.

“You really need to stop doing this,” Nikolai says firmly. Although his tone is decisive and clearly unwilling to accept defiance, a pronounced hint of amusement lives between his words - a thread of light-heartedness, one might say.

Your eyebrows gently furrow. “Doing what?”

“Smiling at me like that. Any longer and I might ask you to marry me.”

It feels like you’re about to burst at the seams. Trying to contain your emotions, and failing at it quite horribly, you bite your lower lip. “I might say yes.”

“Where have you gone, Kolya?” you whisper under your breath. The gloss of vacancy covering your eyes blurs the dancing bodies into one mass of faceless strangers. But it also makes you not notice someone approaching you.

“I find it quite admirable.”

Vasily’s voice startles you. To your now-gone relief, you didn’t have the displeasure of running into him all evening - until now. If you were to list all of the things about the older Lantsov son that makes your skin crawl, you’d be done by the time another Winter Fete is organized. The top of the list, however, deserves to be mentioned as it’s an inseparable part of your every interaction with the prince: he’s quite adamant and crude in his desire to be more than just a future brother-in-law to you.

“Excuse me?” you stutter out.

That patronizing look on his face is now accompanied by a cocky half-grin as he realizes he caught you off-guard. “Your devotion to my brother. For all we know, he might be already dead, Saints’ protect him.”

“Don’t even say that!” you hiss at him. Right after, you look around to check whether one of the guests has noticed your unpleasant exchange.

Despite what you’ve just said, you know he’s right. There’s no way you can be sure that your Kolya is either dead or alive. Perhaps this is the detail further ripping your heart apart - you don’t know anything about his fate; you’re mourning, although you’re yet to see the coffin. You haven’t for a few years now and each passing month of silence only made court gossip more cruel and bold.

“All I’m saying, dearest,” Vasily begins quietly as his hand drags along your arm, “is that the moment the news of Nikolai’s death reaches the Grand Palace, you’ll be thrown out. On the other hand, I can make you the Queen of Ravka. And unlike my brother, I won’t disappear off the face of the Earth and forget about his beloved lady.”

The word of endearment is dripping with sarcasm as it leaves his chapped lips. His breath reeks of alcohol and you unknowingly turn your head away. Vasily seems to think you’re about to leave his side, so his hand tightly grips your arm. The hold is almost bruising. He yanks you even closer towards himself.

“Kolya hasn’t forgotten about me,” you say in a shaky voice. Maybe he’s not as foolish as he appears and Vasily is genuinely trying to break you down.

The prince studies your face for a moment, definitely noticing how shaken you are. His eyes have the strangest glint to them - something between desire and contempt. “Is that so?” he barely stifles a grim laugh. “He would have written you a letter if that were true, no?”

Tears sting your eyes. Vasily is certainly smarter, or at least more cruel, than he lets on. He knows exactly what to say to get into your head. It’s a startling difference between him and Nikolai - only one of them does what he can to keep a smile on your face. Well, did.

His dirty, rough hand grabs your chin. Vasily forces you to look at him, his smile wavers upon noticing your desperation. “Consider your options, зайка,” he purrs out. The prince’s other hand trails your face. “The choice is yours.”

A tear falls down your cheek. You feel it rolling across your skin and you silently hope the guests surrounding you are watching this scene. Then, you lean in even closer to Vasily’s face. The whisper leaves your lips like a viper’s venomous hiss: "I will marry you the day you lay his dead body at my feet."

To your surprise, Vasily drops his hands and takes a step back. Despite the self-assured smile on his face, you can see the fury inside his eyes. “As you wish.” He bows curtly, turns on his heel and marches away, undoubtedly looking for another glass of alcohol and a lady naive enough to warm his bed.

The palace suddenly feels stuffy and overcrowded; the music is too loud, the plethora of smells make your head spin.

Outside. You need to get outside.

Bumping into several guests and mumbling half-coherent apologies, you run through the halls of the Little Palace. When the cold, night air hits your flushed cheeks, only then do you stop. Taking in a deep breath, you can actually feel your thoughts becoming clearer.

With each gust of freezing wind, all the anger and sadness is leaving your shaking body. Vasily just wanted to get a rise out of you and, as much as you don’t want to admit it, he succeeded. Unlike he claims, Nikolai surely is alive. Maybe bruised or sick or not sleeping well but as long as there’s no news about him being dead, he is as alive as one can be. The same starry sky hangs above your and his heads. Perhaps, in this small moment of longing, he’s thinking about you too. Wherever he is.

A tired sigh leaves your lips. You’re about to turn around and go back inside when a silhouette moving in the night catches your attention. The shape is swift although careful like a lizard approaching a fly. You see them looking around before running for another few meters only to hide behind a bush or piece of architecture.

Curious and a little scared, you follow the stranger towards one of the carriages. Quietly, you get close enough to grab their wrist. The shape lets out a gasp and turns around to look at you.

“Alina?!” you whisper. What in Saints’ mercy is she doing? You look at her warm, casual clothes and the bag on her back. “Are you running away?”

“I need to leave,” she answers equally quietly. Her voice as well as her stare is filled with certainty - she’s convinced beyond reasonable doubt this is the right thing to do. “Please, don’t try to stop me.”

You let go of her hand. “Stop you?” A dry chuckle leaves your lips. “I’m coming with you.”

“What?” she deadpans. Alina is staring at you with a vacant stare and her mouth slightly agape. Apparently exchanging royal comforts for hay and stolen apples is unthinkable.

“If I have to spend one more day around Vasily, I will murder someone.”

Alina slowly nods her head - she can definitely understand the sentiment. A dimwitted Fjerdan would have more charm than the older prince. But then she squints her eyes, looking at you with a sense of scepticism.

“Out there, there won’t be warm beds and three-course dinners, you know?”

“I know,” you answer with a careless shrug. Loitering and wandering isn’t for ladies of your sort, it’s like throwing a finless fish into a tank with sharks. Despite that, you’re quite convinced the means justify the end, at least in this scenario. “But out there is my Kolya. And I’m done politely waiting for him.”

A shadow of sadness covers her face. If there’s anyone who can understand your plight, it’s her. In fact, she is luckier than you - she saw her lover maybe an hour ago. Pleasant or unpleasant, the meeting confirmed to her that Mal is at least alive. It’s not a privilege you could afford.

“Then let’s go,” she says to you before opening the chest in the back of the carriage. Forgetting all of your etiquette and social standing, you climb into the compartment with her. Towards adventure or death, you’re going somewhere.

“The ring gave you away,” Kaz announces. “It’s too expensive for a bodyguard.”

Jesper knits his eyebrows together, suddenly remembering something. He leans towards Kaz but speaks a little too loudly for the question to be inconspicuous: “Didn’t that girl wear the same-”

When Kaz’s cold glare meets Jesper’s squinted eyes, the dark-skinned man immediately closes his mouth halfway through the question. Both of them sit back as they were but the cat is already out of the bag. Well, not entirely - half of it is peeking out of the metaphorical sack.

Nikolai looks between them with unmissable suspicion. Although he’s heard enough to be aware of the possibility that the Sun Summoner isn’t travelling by herself, this is the first time either of the Crows admits it.

His heart begins to beat slightly quicker: Alina run away from the Little Palace along with another woman and that lady was wearing a royal jewel at the time. As long as Vasily didn’t lose his signet on one of his distasteful escapades, the course of events points to only one person - you. Shoving his restless excitement into the deepest chasms of his heart, Nikolai manages to remain his composure:

“Who was wearing that ring?” The prince-turned-privateer unknowingly fiddles with the heavy jewellery on his finger. Noticing the Crows’ reluctance, he makes them an offer: “If you tell me who you saw wearing an emerald ring, I might, say, give you ten minutes to escape.” Nikolai vaguely gestures to the closed window on his right-hand side.

Kaz knows there’s no point in lying any longer. The man in front of him is not only well-informed but also smarter than he looks, making the Crow wonder whether he also knows the answer to this question but prefers to play some kind of a game. In any event, he’s done his part of the deal and his ex-accomplices are left to their own devices. Additionally, he could really use those ten minutes. “A young woman that accompanied Alina Starkov. High-born, confident, decisive. Not a Grisha as far as I know.”

“Not a Lantsov, obviously,” Jesper chips in.

Brekker’s keen eyes catch the barely noticeable change in Sturmhond’s expression - the corner of his mouth merely stuttered up and down but it is enough to tell Kaz as much as he needs:

“You know her.”

Know her? If Nikolai had a weaker grip on his emotions at the moment, he’d laugh until his stomach and diaphragm hurt and then he’ll burst with laughter once more, unspeakably joyous that he might get to see her sooner than he thought. Yes, he does know her but in the way heart knows blood and lungs know air. She’s the ligament that keeps his bones together, the fibres that construct his muscles, the very blood that runs in his veins. Does the Moon simply know the stars? Do trees know their roots and branches?

But for now, he needs to stay focused.

“Not really,” Sturmhond answers while scrunching his nose. “Many aristocrats wear a ring like that. While I may know of a lot of them, I hardly know anything about them.”

Kaz fights back a mocking half-grin begging to twist his thin lips. “I’d argue that an emerald in Ravka is a rather rare gem.”

“Hers is probably genuine. Mine’s stolen.”

Silence falls between the three men. Nikolai and Kaz are staring each other down, battling in some kind of war of wits and nerves, waiting for the other to give in. Jesper is stealing glances at both of them, feeling the cold tension rise in the air.

Against his deep-seated desire, Kaz doesn’t inquire further about the emeralds or the strange coincidence that the two enigmatic characters wearing them might know each other. He sits back in the chair, his shoulders visibly drop. As much as he’d love to dig deeper, he’d much rather get out of here and reclaim his freedom that is now endangered.

“Well, gentlemen,” Nikolai begins in an upbeat tone, “your ten minutes start now.”

Without saying anything else, he leaves the room. Only then, when the dark, wooden door close behind him, does he let suppressed emotions wash over him. A quiet chuckle brushes past his lips and for a moment even tears sting his eyes. Delight, worry, relief - conflicting sensations merge into one, completely overpowering flame burning inside his chest.

Maybe he doesn’t have the Sun Summoner and he still needs to come up with a plan to catch her but Nikolai hasn’t been this happy for a while now: his солиышко is alright, still making the world brighter and warmer. If he can get to Alina Starkov, he might see her again, although he begins to wonder whether she wishes to see him after all those years of silence and ignorance. But if he can see her, just witness the marvel of her entire being even for one last second, he’ll be cured of the longing and loneliness that has been gnawing at him ever since he left Os Alta.

You’re following the Shu man to what you assume is his captain’s cuddy. The ship creeks and groans under the weight of the crew as well as the power of the waves. The bussing crewmen spare the three of you a glance, only to show disinterest and go back to their duties. It’s a nice change compared to the kerchen ship you travelled on to Novyi Zem, where the captain asked Alina and you to stay under the deck because of the sailors’ superstition. After getting off the ship, it took you a good week to wash out the reek of cured cod from your clothes and hair. Sometimes you still felt like you can smell it in the air, even in the dusty wind sweeping through Novyi Zem.

Your ‘guide’ pushes the door and they swing open with a creak, the list of the ship aiding the motion. Except for the squeaky hinges, probably rusting faster than anyone can manage, Volkvolny is in good shape. In fact, it looks brand new - no mould or woodworms.

“Captain, request for charter,” the stocky stranger announces with a hint of amusement or excitement in his voice. Despite his imposing visage, the Shu man has made a good impression on you but the long sword on his back kept you vigilant against getting too comfortable in his company.

Only when he moves to the side, presenting the three of you to his captain, do you see the face of the infamous Sturmhond.

You want to laugh. In fact, you have to clench your fists to stop yourself from bursting out with laughter. This situation feels like the strangest coincidence that you can think of, which in turn makes you suspect that it’s not a coincidence at all. Because what are the odds?

Nikolai’s face momentarily brightens up when he recognizes you, a new glint lights up his eyes. He looks different than you remember but in all the right ways: his shoulders look broader and his hair is longer, curling in a way that makes him appear more infantile. You remembered him as a handsome man but the Nikolai in front of you is beautiful enough to be considered unreal.

He's staring into you like a deer caught in headlights until Tolya hands him Alina’s unusual means of payment. As Nikolai is turning the piece of jewellery in his fingers, you notice another change: his hands look rougher, definitely scarred from all the adventures you hope you’re yet to hear about.

The blond prince turns his attention back to Alina, Mal and you. “A gold hairpin can get you anywhere. But an emerald ring?” He gestures to you. “It can get you everywhere.”

“It’s not for sale,” you answer, although you know he’s not trying to buy it. After all, he’s the one that gave it to you.

“I don’t want it.” Nikolai shakes his head. Then, a flirty smile appears on his face. “Looks better on you anyway, doll.”

You’re about to respond to his remark when his attention is once again placed on Alina. “Now, Tolya says you’re looking for a charter. Where are we sailing?”

Alina begins the story with ‘the creation of the world’ as your mother used to say: the Little Palace, Darkling, Morozova’s amplifiers and the Fold. Nikolai nods along, never giving away that he’s privy to most of the story. He doesn’t believe in the Sea Whip at first but that’s hardly his fault - not too long ago people wouldn’t believe in the existence of the Sun Summoner and now she’s standing beside you, nervously rubbing her hand. As you have expected from the moment you saw that Nikolai is Sturmhond, he agrees to the insanity of taking up the quest to catch the amplifier.

“Tolya will show you around.” He sends you off. You’re about to follow your friends out of the cuddy when he adds: “You, emerald lady, I’d like to talk to in private.”

Alina gives you a concerned look (‘blink twice if you need help’) but you only smile and nod at her in response. With Mal tugging at her arm, she reluctantly leaves you and Sturmhond alone.

The moment the door closes behind Tolya and your friends, Nikolai runs around his desk towards you, engulfing you in a bone-crushing hug. His hand threads through your hair, pushing your head further into the crook of his neck. Even if you tried, there’s no way you can pull away or even move. Taking a deep breath, you smell the familiar fragrance of his cologne but now it’s mixed with the scent of resin, saltwater and seaweed.

Then he pulls away, looking you up and down with burning worry. “Are you alright? Are you hurt? What are you doing here?”

You swear he could be bleeding out on the floor and still he’d be apologizing for staining your clothes. It’s heartwarming that despite the years and evident change in his appearance, Kolya is still Kolya.

A wide smile enters your face. “Looking for a frisky sailor to take me on a voyage filled with indecency, obviously.”

“Well, here he is.” Nikolai points to himself and winks at you. “And he’d really like to know why you’re in Novyi Zem with the Sun Summoner and whats-his-face and not in the Grand Palace in Os Alta.”

You let out a heavy sigh and shake your head gently. “I grew tired, Kolya.” His eyebrows slant upon hearing the exhaustion in your voice. Despite the sheer happiness he feels when you say his name, the concern gnawing at his heart seems to be more powerful. “Years have gone by without you giving me even the tiniest sign that you’re alive and well. And your brother, Saint’s have mercy on him because I won’t, has been adamant about marrying me ever since you left. I told him I will accept his proposal the day he lays your dead body before me.” You make pause, noticing a strange shadow hanging over Nikolai’s face. But he’s not saying anything for a moment, so you finish what you wanted to say: “I had to get away from it all. There’s only so much uncertainty and intruding fingers a lady can take.”

“By the Saints,” he breathes out, “did Vasily lay a hand on you?”

You feel his grip around you tighten but it’s not painful, rather securing. “If you’re asking whether he hit me or forced himself on me, then no, he did not. He did, however, make it abundantly clear what he wants from me. On multiple occasions.”

Nikolai’s face twists in a scowl. The glint that lit up his eyes when he saw you is now gone, exchanged for something dark and unstable. “I’m so sorry, if I knew-”

“I know, love,” you interrupt him. He doesn’t need to announce the ends he’d go to in order to ensure you’re safe and comfortable. Nikolai has never said or done so but you’re fairly convinced he wouldn’t shy away from fistfighting Vasily if he said something less-than-savoury to you. “But neither of us could have known.”

“I promised you’d be safe in Os Alta.”

“And I promised to stay put.” You can’t keep laughter in any longer. You’re not quite sure whether your chuckle is born out of happiness or disbelief. “Now look at us.”

Suddenly, he knits his eyebrows close. At first, you think he’s confused but then the slight rise of his cheeks suggests something closer to contempt or disgust. "Would you actually marry Vasily if he gave you my dead body?"

You can only give him an indifferent shrug. "Maybe?” you ponder aloud. “If you were dead, I would lose all care about what happens to me or with me. In a way, I’d be dead too."

Nikolai takes one of your hands and kisses its fingers. Your breath hitches in your throat when you feel his warm lips against your skin. “I could never rest in peace knowing how he’s treating you.”

“Having you haunt me would be incomparably better than you just being gone. Everything is better than silence.”

His shoulders slouch. Nikolai looks away from you for a moment, admiring the floor in his cuddy but even this can’t hide his guilt and shame. “I couldn’t have just popped in for a visit. Not anywhere in Ravka.”

"You couldn't even have written me a letter?"

"Someone at the palace would recognize my handwriting. I couldn't risk it."

"Then you could have dictated the letter to one of your crew."

That self-assured, flirty smirk appears again on his face. "And scandalize my crewmen with the things I want to tell you?”

As much as you’ve dearly missed his insufferable humour, at the moment it’s making your skin crawl. “This is a serious conversation, Nikolai,” you state firmly.

“I am serious, солиышко.” The pet name rolls off his tongue with both weight and lightness as though it belongs exclusively to you and no one else can ever claim it as their own. He kisses your hand again but keeps it against his lips for a while longer. Then, he places your fingers on his chest and you can feel the soft thrumming of his heart. “Do you think I never thought about writing to you? That I didn’t stay up at night thinking about what I will tell you when we meet again? Countless letters I have begun only to tear them apart and throw them into the sea or burn them. If some people found out we know each other, you’d be in much greater danger than Darkling following your steps. I’d rather deal with the heartbreak of staying away from you than know I put you in danger because I can’t live without you.”

It brings you a grim sense of comfort that he’s been equally torn as you were over the lack of contact. You never thought about it before but Nikolai must have been worried sick, not knowing whether you’re alright and happy. Has he imagined your plight and misery as often as you did his?

“What did you write in those letters?” you ask in a shaky voice.

“I wrote about how much I miss you, how it physically hurts to consider that you might think I have abandoned you. When I was hungry, cold, tired or sick, only the memories of you made me push on. On nights when I couldn’t sleep, I’d stare at the sky above me and wonder whether you’re looking at the same stars. I wrote that wherever I go, I see your face. You are in every sunrise and sunset, every flower I see and every fire that warms me.” Nikolai lets go of your fingers, placing both of his hands on either side of your face. The softness in his eyes makes you swoon. “I only wrote the truth,” he says slowly, making sure you understand the weight of his words.

Swallowing back tears, you lean into his warm touch. “My beloved, my heart yearns for you?” you jest in a dramatic voice.

A playful smile creeps back unto his lips. “If only my heart.”

“Gross.”

“You wanted a frisky sailor.”

"You’re a pirate, not a sailor.”

"I’m a privateer,” he drones out the word as though it makes a world of a difference.

"Pirate sounds sexier."

Nikolai gives you a fake frown. “Oh, I definitely am a pirate."

Without thinking twice, he’s kissing you. The sensation is just as comforting as you remember. His soft lips are doting on you, growing needier with each peck as though this is some feverish attempt at making up the lost time.

He pulls away to catch his breath and although you’re panting yourself, you unknowingly chase after him, unwilling to dismiss this carnal desire just yet. Nikolai seems to notice your eagerness - he flashes you a cocky grin and shortly pecks your lips again.

“You crossed Ravka, the Fold and the sea just to find me?” he whispers. His eyes are stuck to your wet, swollen mouth.

“And I’d do it a hundred more times if I had to.”

You exchange a few more hungry kisses, pecking and nipping at each other’s lips, before Nikolai continues the conversation:

“I want to say that I’m flattered but I’d rather not encourage you to do something this stupid and dangerous ever again.”

“Hate to break it to you but you took all the stupid with you.”

He rests his forehead against yours; hot, laboured breaths brush against your flushed cheeks. “I’d like to clarify that I’m not stupid, I just can’t seem to think about anything other than you.”

Nikolai wraps his arms around your waist. In a swift motion, he turns you around and pushes you against the edge of his desk. His strength surprises you when Nikolai effortlessly lifts you and places you atop the table, pushing off maps and navigation essentials. Firm, warm hands are restlessly wandering across your body, unsure where to lay or what to grab.

You gasp quietly when his fingers sneak underneath your shirt. “Is this the indecent part of the voyage, my frisky sailor?”

“By the Saints, I hope so,” he whispers against your lips. Then, he furrows his eyebrows questioningly. “Is that offensive to say around a living Saint?”

“I don’t think Alina heard you.”

His nimble fingers are quickly undoing the buttons on your clothes. “Well, she will hear you in a moment.”

“Gross,” you say with laughter in your voice but the word gets muffled as Nikolai gets back to kissing you again.

Even if the crew did hear you that day, no one dared say a word.

зайка [zay-ka] - bunny (feminine; term of endearment)

солиышко [sol-nee-shko] - little sun (unisex; term of endearment)

#nikolai lantsov #nikolai lantsov imagine #nikolai lantsov fanfiction #nikolai imagines #nikolai x reader #nikolai lantsov x reader #nikolai lantsov x you #shadow and bone fanfic #shadow and bone x reader #shadow and bone fanfiction #shadow and bone imagine #shadow and bone #shadow and bone x you #sturmhond #grishaverse

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kasagia · 6 months

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In the darkness

Pairing: Aleksander Morozova/General Kirigan/The Darkling x fem! Alina's sister! Sun Summoner! reader Summary: After you and Alina destroyed the fold, she killed Aleksander and became queen at Nikolai's side, you took the place, tittle and chambers of the General of the Second Army. And then... strange things starts to happen in the darkness. Warning(s): obsessive behaviour; toxic relationship; voyeurism; Aleks manipulates the reader, the reader gives in to him; the reader is alone and needs someone *cough* her Darkling; fight; violence; dark reader; Word Count: 9,2 k Taglist: @aoi-targaryen ~•♤♤♤•~ Aleksander Morozova's Masterlist ~•♤♤♤•~

You won. Alina won. The fold did not exist anymore… as well as he. Ravka was safe. And the new royal couple was supposed to provide it with peace and splendor. That's what they were saying.

Nobody talked about the fallen. About the thousands of Grishas still living in fear. About thousands were imprisoned by Fjerdans and Shu-Hans who experimented on them.

All that mattered was that the Darkling was dead. The darkness disappeared. The shadows left with their last summoner, whose body he begged you to burn.

And maybe, after all, he was cruel. Maybe he knew that despite everything he had done, you still loved him, and his request (as well as his staring at you as if you were his only light and the only one thing he wanted to look at before his death) would completely break your already battered heart.

Maybe that was his last act of manipulation and control over you. A pleasure he couldn't slip out of his fingers. Maybe seeing you sobbing over him was the last goal he set for himself, before he leaves this world after the centuries he has lived. Centuries of constant fighting and flight. Centuries of leaving in his own shadows, in hatred, each time he looked at the fold, he was reminded that he wasn't able to achieve his goal.

That he was utterly alone...

Just as you are now.

Or maybe he just loved you, and you didn't want to admit it to yourself...

And now, laying on the bed in which he used to sleep, on the bed he used to hold you, on the bed he spent with you many sleepless nights and long, late mornings, you know that no matter what renovation this room will have, it will always remind you of him.

Your Aleksander... your equal... your monster.

You shiver as the cold, winter air comes to his... your room. You get up from the bed and walk to the window to close the door.

You look at the palace gardens and immediately remind yourself of the days before you found out he was Black Heretic, before that fatal Winter Fete.

Two years ago, Aleksander was chasing you around gardens, laughing, snowballs fighting, and doing all the stupid things he couldn't do in the daylight.

Two years ago, your life looked like a fairytale, and you were blessed to live in it. Now it is much closer to tragedy. And knowing how the events would turn out, you would have definitely cherished those simple, peaceful days with Aleksander by your side more while they lasted.

You sigh, absently stroking your right hand where Aleksander ordered David to physically embed the amplifier into you a few months ago.

You were pathetic. Missing the man who manipulated you, who hurt your sister, who wanted to kill your friends, who hurt Genya... but that was why you couldn't fully hate him. He did everything to achieve his goal. He hurt everyone who stood in his way.

Except you.

Never you.

And it hurt more than if he had physically hurt you.

He always held you up as his equal. The son of a bitch even had his kefta re-stitched to have gold embroidery to represent your power. He wore your combined colours with pride. Just like you did before you discovered how many sweet lies he had fed you since the day you first met him.

Tears come to your eyes as you remember how that fucking bastard, moments before Alina drove the shadow sword through his abdomen, lunged at his Nichevo'yas to stop them from attacking you. You saw the vulnerability and the fear in his eyes until your light drove the shadow monsters away from you. And relief, which was replaced by painful shock when Alina took advantage of his moment of inattention and killed him.

It had never occurred to you to hurt Alina before... except that fateful day.

You wipe the tears from your cheeks with your hand and turn to go back to the bed. You had a meeting with several colonels, including Fedyor and Ivan. The two were also torn apart by the war.

At least Fedyor still has his Ivan alive to atone for his sins. - you think bitterly, even jealousy, as you somehow manage to fall asleep in this big, empty, cold bed.

And when you close your eyes, the candle that was lit on the nightstand that once belonged to Aleksander goes out as you fall into a deep sleep.

If you had been a little more alert, you would have seen shadows that created a curtain covering the window, thus blocking the moonlight from entering your chamber.

"I have no intention of punishing them, Alina." you tell your sister as you work at the war table. Aleksander's plans were somehow still preserved. And you review them, updating and changing them according to your needs.

"They fought alongside the Darkling. What kind of general are you? What example will you set by not punishing those who defied the crown and followed their Black General?"

"That's why I have no intention of doing anything about it, your majesty. You were Grisha yourself before you lost your powers. Whose side would you fight for—the king who hates them or the general who gave them a safe place? And please try to put aside our personal prejudices and see the whole thing, not just a little peace through the prism of your hatred towards him, because we both know damn well that Aleksander was many things. A good commander was one of them."

"I never wanted to be a Grisha." Alina says this with pain in her eyes. You know this very well. You wouldn't have wanted to be a Sankta or general either... if it weren't for Aleksander.

"But you were. You can't just forget about that, Sol Koroleva."

"You're definitely not making it easy for me." she sighs tiredly, smiling at you. She sits down in the chair next to you and takes your hand. "If I could turn back time and... not bring Mal back to life and not lose my power, I would. I wouldn't leave you alone with this, you know, right?"

"I know... but that's not how things went..." you say, swallowing, as you let go of the papers and look at your sister. "But that's okay. I will keep an eye on your children and grandchildren... Maybe one of them will become the next Sun Summoner? Who knows?" you laugh, trying to lighten the mood, but by the look Alina gives you, you know that your tone wasn't as carefree as you wanted it to be.

"Y/N... I'm sorry." you interrupt her before she begins to pity you, before her compassion overwhelms you to the point where you sink into your own pain and suffering, which inevitably entails an eternity ahead of you. And that was just the beginning.

"You don't have to... I... I can always die somehow. I don't have to live forever."

"We both know that's not in your blood to give up. You will fight till the end... till Grishas and Ravkans will live as equals in a safe country."

"Maybe yes... or maybe I will throw it all to hell and go around the world. I remember that Kaz once proposed to me to join their little group of thieves. It could be fun."

You both laugh at that. Then Alina gives you a sad, apologetic look before asking you a very dangerous and… hurting question.

"Do you miss him? Aleksander?"

A dead silence falls between you after her whispering question. As if his name were something forbidden to say out loud between you two. You play with the sleeve of your white kefta with gold embroidery, wondering how to answer this obvious question.

"Sometimes... but I guess it's only because I don't want to... to be alone like him..."

"Did you love him? At the day I killed him?" she asks, assuming that you stopped loving him at the moment he stopped breathing; at the moment when his black, poisoned by Merzost heart stopped beating… as it was just that simple for you to forget about him. The man who made you who you are now. The man who was first to show you how extraoridnary you are. Who understood you more than your sister - your supposed closest person in the world.

"I care more to have someone by my side through all of this that's about to happen… someone who will stay for longer than almost a century. I guess I'm starting to understand why he was chasing after us… why he wanted us by his side in his damn glorious purpose."

"He was chasing after you. He only cared about you. Not only because you were a Sun Summoner." she says it so lightly and so obviously that you start to wonder if she's deliberately trying to break you.

But if Aleksander taught you anything, it was how to keep your true emotions deep inside your heart. So you put your lips into a mocking smile and reply to her in a joking tone.

"Maybe. We will never find out. Anyway, I don't want to."

Fedyor's and Ivan's arrival rescued you from this unconvenient conversation. You nod to Alina as she leaves. She gives Ivan a hating, untrusyful look before guards close the door behind her. You look at the two heartrenders.

"It's good to see you both. I have some questions about these plans, and as general Kirigan's closest people, I assume, you both can explain some things to me, which I don't quite get right now."

You clear your throat, trying to forget about what you and Alina were talking about and focus on what the two men in front of you are saying. But it's hard to look at the Dark General's notes and plans and just not think of your Aleksander... Especially when those damn wooden soldiers are just as spread out on his war table as they were on the night of the Winter Fiesta when you run away from him.

And you have neither the heart nor the strength to move it to another place…

"Fedyor, can you leave us both for a while? You can wait for Ivan behind the door." you say after you've gotten through most of the stuff. Fedyor gives you a surprised look but doesn't question your order. He goes out, leaving you with Ivan, who has been giving you an unfavourable, almost hostile look since he sat down in the chair. You wouldn't care if the situation didn't require you to cooperate with him. After all, he was Aleksander's right-hand man. He probably knew the most about war tactics in the entire Second Army. And now that the fold was gone and you had to defend and fortify yourselves on all fronts, you would need all the help you could get. "Why are you looking at me like that? What's your problem?" you ask the heartrender, watching him carefully.

You both stared at each other for a moment. Ivan tries to hold back something, but the moment he notices Aleksander's ring—the only souvenir you let yourself leave after him—something inside him breaks.

"How dare you sit in his chair, having his tittle, want to do exactly the same things in the Second Army, using the same tactics as he did? You all are no different from him. Actually, you are much worse, and you call him a monster when everything he did was for us. For our safety, so that we can finally break free from the power of Otkazat'syas."

"I know you were loyal to him, but..."

"He had done nothing wrong. And you know it." he cuts you off before you can say anything else. The feeling of guilt awakens within you again, the uncomfortable lump in your throat every time you talk to someone about him growing stronger again. "I hope you also know that you and your sister destroyed everything he was working at. That Ravka will spill blood under your rule. That Lantsov prince will be the same as his father, as every king from their dynasty was."

"Be careful how you talk to me. I am your general now, Ivan. You should probably get used to it, before I change my mind and let Alina execute you." you say it coldly and grab a glass from the table to drink the whisky. "You can leave now."

"Of course, general." he said coldly, but before he stood up to leave, he put a black envelope on your desk.

"What is that?" you ask him, but he just bows to you and leaves. Only when the door closes behind him with a bang do you allow yourself to take the envelope in your hands.

Seeing Aleksander's seal—the eclipsed sun—makes you release the envelope from your hand as if it was burning you. You let it fall to the desk; your eyes focused only on it.

You hold your breath as your fingers land on the seal and stroke it tenderly. You remember the first letter you received from him... right after your first night together, when he had to leave the Little Palace for a while on important matters. He wrote to you every day until he came back again, heading straight into your arms and ignoring the fact that the General of the First Army and the colonels were waiting for him in the council chamber.

With trembling hands, you take the dagger and cut the envelope at the top so as not to break the last seal he left behind and get into the contents of the envelope.

A pendant falls from the envelope with a clatter onto the table. You leave the envelope with the letter and take the pendant in your hands, looking at it carefully.

It is a silver, convex oval with some vines engraved on the front, decorated with small, round pieces (your favourite gemstone). Initials are engraved on the back: A.M. You huff, realising that even in death, he wanted to make sure you were his in some way. And you're about to put the pendant down and hide it somewhere, where you would never find it again, but then suddenly you press something and it opens.

You gasp as you see what's hidden inside. Bone. A medium-sized, most likely from a wrist, finger, or other small part of the skeletal system.

You rummage through the envelope, and, apart from the letter, you find a small note that was probably attached to the necklace.

In case you need a reminder of your real power...

You lift the bone and feel your power flow through you, amplified. You sigh, feeling just like those months ago when his skin pressed against yours as he let you draw on his empowering abilities. You feel a tear roll down your cheek as you tremble with an overwhelming, long-forgotten feeling.

A knock on the door makes you panic, opening your desk drawer and gathering all your items into it. You close the drawer just as Zoya walks in, followed by your colonels. You rub your forehead, mentally getting ready for the next meeting.

However, you can't stop thinking about the envelope and necklace from Aleksander hidden in the drawer.

And if you were more observant, you would notice how shadows are hiding in the corner of the war room, watching you attentively, waiting for the right moment when they can come out of their hiding place. Or at least a bee that flew out of an open window.

You lie in your bed late at night. You stopped trying to fall asleep a long time ago. You laied on your back, breathing calmly with your eyes closed as you were wondering about the new informations from the camps close to the border.

The war was comming. You had right. Aleksander had right. Fjerdans and Shu-Hans wanted to use occasion and attack Ravka, since a fold has gone and now nothing stopped them from attack a West Ravka. If you lost your ports and supplies of food, raw materials and gold, you will lose that war and many will lose their lifes.

You were laying there, wondering about your next move in upcoming war. You shiver suddenly, feeling oddly. A strange chill spread through your body as you went into a more alert mode.

Subconsciously, you look around in the dark, trying to spot the dark, familiar irises. You're doing it under some irrational delusion that he is able to observe you even when he is dead. That he can watch your every move even though you watched his body burn...

Although he has already proved many times in his long, many-centuries life that he is capable of anything he wants...

With a flip of your wrist, a ball of light appears in a room. There was no one. Just you and your paranoya You frown and remove the ball of light as you lay back on the bed.

You sigh heavily, lying on your side. You watch a candle burning on the nightstand on the side that used to be Aleksander's. You watch the fire for a moment, admiring the colours of the flame and how it goes along with a soft wind from the opened window, and then blow it out. You close your eyes, listening to your surroundings, and just as you're about to drift off into blissful unconsciousness, you hear something like a cold whisper in your ear, which makes you shiver.

They are going to lose. They can't rule this country. They know nothing about the pain of war.

That tought appear in your mind, sounding extremaly like somebody you used to know very well... you shake your head. You were not going to imagine his voice on your head. You weren't go mad, were you?

Besides, that was a stupid tought. You will figure it out with Alina and the rest, just as you always do. Grishas will be safe. You will sacrifice your life to make it happen. Horrifyingly, you realise that someone before you has taken a similar oath.

Yet still, you can't help but look at the side of your chamber where Aleksander's letter is, hidden in your desk's drawer. You are so tempting to read it, even after all that happened between you both.

"Get out of my head." you whisper to yourself, as he was still linked with you somehow. As he was still able to appear in a room with you at any second.

You missed him. You admit it to yourself in the darkness of the bedroom you two used to share. But that didn't mean that you would bring him back in some way. He was too dangerous for the good of other people and too unpredictable. Irronicaly, he cared too much. And you were afraid that you were inevitably walking in his path; you were in the same place as he was all those years and centuries ago. But, contrary to him, you will have no one by your side. You will be utterly alone.

You try fall asleep, closing your eyes and ignoring the tears that fall on your pillow. If you learned anything from Aleksander, it was to let no one witness your suffering. They wouldn't understand your pain anyway.

There were no others like you. And there will never be ever again…

Against your better judgement, you quickly get up from the bed, and, before you can change your mind, with a ball of white light in your hand, you walk to the desk, illuminating your path.

You open the drawer and pull out that damned letter, hoping that reading it will give you some kind of closure you need.

You hold it with trembling hands, trying to ignore the fact that Aleksander's familiar handwriting was less refined and more cursive and simpler. There were also black traces of his blood in some places on the page. Even before you start reading, your heart sinks as you think about how Merzost was slowly killing him, as he was completely alone after Baghra's death—as alone as you are now.

And the first line is enough to bring the first pitiful tears to your eyes.

Moya milaya. Moya soverenyia,

The damn bastard knew you would take over his position. He was probably having a lark in hell right now, watching you cry over his letter, how you regretted every decision you made that got you here, and how you tried so hard to hate him with all your heart, but you just simply couldn't. And that made you hate yourself more when, despite everything, you entered the trap he had prepared specially for you while he was still living and clutched the letter in your hands, trying to read it despite the tears constantly appearing in your eyes and blurring your vision.

He wrote to you what you have already heard. That he isn't sorry, that he would do the exact same things except that he would make you his equal, that he wouldn't let you escape his grasp so easily, that he would kill all your loved ones just to be your only shelter where you could go in case of any danger, or simply when you were too overwhelmed by loneliness, like he was many times in his very long life.

And you should hate him. You should be disgusted by this toxic relationship, by his obsessive desire for possession, and by his fear of abandonment. And you could already feel yourself being filled with spite and resentment towards this man, a man who had ruined the relatively peaceful lives of you and your sister... But as you read the last lines of his letter, your feelings towards him became more unclear than before reading that damn letter.

I will be waiting for you. With open arms.

Maybe time will help you realise that there is no other way and that my actions will be yours in the future… that I was not the villain in this story, even if I seemed to be a monster to you, my little Sankta.

Maybe you will finally come to accept that you and I are unity and that we belonged to each other even before the saints decided to create the two of us.

Eya fyela chi(I love you), moya solnyshka.

I always did.

Yours,

Aleksander

You didn't sleep anymore that night. Instead, you lie in bed, your thoughts filled with this damn man who, even after his death, continues to abuse your already bleeding heart for him.

Midnights become your afternoons, that were the hours when your brain works best. You stoped burning candles at night. Surprisingly, you were thinking much better when you were in complete darkness, where the only light comed from the moon shining through the open balcony door.

You spent many nights in bed writing in a notebook, taking notes and plans that came to you as the moon hung in the sky and most of the Little Palace fell asleep.

It has become your little ritual. You sipped kvass or whisky, thinking of military tactics and other manoeuvres in case Ravka was attacked by its neighbors. You often had Aleksander's old notes spread around you. And even more often, you twirled his necklace in your fingers as you pondered over your plans.

You stopped visiting Alina in the Grand Palace. You were less and less likely to be seen by her side. But you were almost always in Alexander's library, the war room, and the training field, looking after the young Grishas who trained under the supervision of Ivan, Fedyor and Zoya.

Without knowing why, you always waited until dusk. It was your favorite time and you couldn't even say why…

Maybe if you noticed that every time you fell asleep, tired, over your notebook, thoughts that didn't belong to you suddenly appeared on the paper; maybe if you noticed how your rooms were covered with more and more shadows night after night, blocking out the moonlight, to get you to sleep faster; and maybe if you noticed how the blanket wrapped tighter around you as you drifted off to sleep and your forehead was tickled by the touch of something soft and warm; then you would realise what was inevitably to come.

Or rather, who kept his eyes on you each night, hidden in the darkness and shadows of the chamber...

Kissing someone else's lips seemed sacrilegious to you. You felt like you were doing something wrong, like you were desecrating and breaking all moral laws. But after all, you were a free, single woman, a general leading her people to war.

You could have relaxed and slept with some handsome Inferni who offered to worship his saint, couldn't you?

As it turned out, you couldn't.

You kissed the man hungrily and threw off his kefta. The moment he reached for the buttoms of your own, he unexpectedly stumbled and fell straight into the spear that was in the rack for swords and other weapons.

You stood there in shock for a moment, wondering how on earth he did this. And if you had been more attentive, you would have noticed how the shadows quickly fled from your gaze, and two dark eyes watched intently as you helped Inferni stop the bleeding enough for him to make it to the healers' tent.

You sigh in frustration as the man disappears from your sight. You clean up his blood and wash your hands before taking off your clothes.

It gives you chills. Not because the cold air of the tent hits your hot skin, but because you feel a slight tickle at the most sensitive point of your neck.

You turn and look around the tent carefully.

For the past few weeks, as soon as you left the Little Palace, you had a strange feeling that something was fleetingly brushing against you from time to time. The feeling of this strange, ghostly touch accompanied you both day and night, whenever you were alone with your thoughts. You thought it was some kind of paranoia and tried to brush this feeling off. After all, no one could touch you if you were clearly alone in the room, with no sign of another living soul.

Once you're sure you're alone, you rub your hands over your arms. Your arousal and desire quickly fade as you remember the battle that awaits you tomorrow—the first as a general of the Second Army. You make sure your weapons and combat kefta are ready and in place before you go into bed and fall into a fitful sleep.

A few hours later, as you lie there, dreaming deeply, your tent fades to black. From the shadows emerged none other than Aleksander.

The man slowly walked towards you, careful not to make any move that would increase your vigilance. Ever since you left the walls of the Little Palace, it has become easier and easier for him to make his way to you, thanks to the bond he established between the two of you by giving you a piece of his bone in a necklace.

It boiled inside him when he saw you with another man. He acted rashly and instinctively, pushing him onto the spear. He was glad that you were careless enough not to notice his presence.

You weren't ready. Not yet.

And this time, he knew better than to push you forcefully into his plan.

"My little Sankta." he whispers, his hand gently brushing your curves hidden from his eyes under the blanket.

He doesn't do anything inappropriate. He would never take advantage of you or touch you against your will... well, at least not in any invasive way. He had several scenarios prepared in his head about how the night would go, when you would finally admit your true feelings and abandon the façade of a righteous Sankta of Ravkans and Grishas.

"Soon you'll realise what you're really missing." he whispers as his fingers tips caress the skin of your collarbones.

He picks up the necklace he gave you that you wore around your neck. He lets his shadows surround you, allowing the moonlight to shine on you enough for the silver pendant to reflect it, making it seem like it was glowing, as if it were a source of your powers.

"I will wait for you… until you finally come to me willingly and accept the obvious truth—that we belong together. I promise you, moya milaya, I won't let you forget this even for a moment. You're mine. You were mine the moment you entered that damn tent—the moment our eyes met before you went on the ship through the fold. You can't deny the connection between us. And soon, you will come to accept that you need a monster by your side. That without me, there will only be suffering, loss, and eternal struggle waiting for you. I've spent centuries struggling with all of this and much more… let's see how long this charming and annoying stubbornness of yours will last, lapushka. I have all the time on earth to watch you struggle with the hatred of this world all alone…"

He pulls the blanket tighter around you and takes the opportunity to inhale your scent, which he had missed so much during those months he had been hanging between the worlds of the living and the dead. He clung to his life with his claws... just to be this close to you again. And he knew he would do the exact same thing in a heartbeat if it led him close to you.

"And in time, when you realise that your little friends of yours are not enough for you, I will be back to you. And I will take you into my arms without hesitation. We are destined to be together. Sweet dreams, moya soverenyia." he whispers and places a tender kiss on your forehead.

You jump out of bed, screaming. You take a few quick breaths and put your hand to your mouth, trying to calm yourself down and not let the tears fall. Your tent is in complete darkness as you try to calm down from your nightmare in which all of your Grishas died in the battle, in which everyone blamed you and started to hunt you and chase after you, just like the king once chased after Aleks...

You let yourself cry silently into your pillow, unaware of the figure sitting next to you and a lifting hand that was just above you, moving as if stroking your back soothingly.

Eventually, you fall asleep, shaking. The shadow of your enemy and lover watches over you and keeps an eye on you without you being even slightly aware of it.

Two years, four months, one week and three days. That's how long the war with Fjerda and Shu Han lasted.

That's how long it took them to take over Ravka.

You have failed. Both the First and Second Armies.

Nikolai was dead. Alina was either dead or in hiding like you, although judging by the recent public execution of Zoya and Alina's other guards, you suspect they had her locked up somewhere until they caught you.

And they were doing very well, considering you were currently running through the forest, escaping from a group of Drüskelles.

You ran through the forest, the cold air stinging your hot cheeks as you made your way through the snowdrifts, occasionally sending a ball of light behind you to daze your pursuers and lose them, if only for a moment. But covering up your tracks was the worst thing—a nuisance worse than the cold seeping into your bones through your soaked clothes.

You hear a gunshot. You groan as the bullet bounces off your kefta, most likely adding another bruise to your collection.

Then everything happens quickly. You are surrounded and forced to fight with both your power and your melee. You're doing quite well when suddenly one of them twists your arm. You groan in pain and use one hand to summon a cut, but it is so weak that it only reaches the lesser half of the men.

As if in slow motion, you see one of the Drüskells pointing a gun at you. Then the clearing becomes dark. You step back in fear and stumble upon the body of one of the men you killed.

Everything goes quiet. There is a deathly silence in which you can only hear your wheezing and breathing. You summon your light and dispel the shadows to see the last person you expected to see... at least when you are still alive.

"But... I saw your death... I watched you burn..." you manage to stammer.

Aleksander just walks towards you, like it was a casual thing for him to do. His black kefta with gold embroidery is intact, at least compared to yours, which is blackened from bullets and patched in a few places. He looks practically like the day he died... except his face is devoid of black scars.

"Won't you even say hello to me, my Y/N?" he asks maliciously and extends his hand for you to take it and stand up with his help. You've seen this scene before. You've been in this situation before, and you promised yourself that you would never step into the same river again.

"You should be dead." you snap at him coldly and stand up on your own without his help. You see him frown as he takes a closer look at your dilapidated and miserable state as you try to move away from him as far as you can.

"Moya lapushka... do you think I would let something like death to keep me apart from you? That your little Sol Koroleva could ever kill me? After I lived a hundreds lifes? Fake a hundred deaths?" he asks mockingly, walking over to you. He cups your cheek in his hand and strokes it tenderly with his thumb. "No. I have too much experience with eternity, milaya. I promised you that you and I will change the world. I intend to keep that promise. As well as the one where I will always come back to you, remember?"

"You were here all this time... you watched me..."

"Simply keeping an eye on you." he interrupts you, and you give him a mad look, knowing full well that he's lying as you realise that all the random things and disasters that were happening around you were his fault... just like the few times you felt someone's ghostly touch on you. "Well... maybe I had also done a little bit more. But don't dramatise... after all, I have to look after what's mine."

"I was never yours." you say furiously, causing a hostile tension to arise between the two of you.

His presence brings you some relief, despite everything. But you know this feeling too well; you know HIM too well to let him manipulate you so he can use you in his plans again.

"Leave me. Live your life. I doubt anyone would be insane enough to resurrect you a second time." you growl angrily and run past him, hitting his shoulder with yours.

Before you can get away, he grabs your elbow. You hiss in pain, making him automatically let go of you. But he steps closer to you and carefully grabs your wrist, observing the blood seeping from your forearm and the swollen, bruised elbow—the result of your hand being twisted and falling to the ground—and the hard roots of the tree that had somehow broken through the now-red snow.

"You need a healer." he says calmly. He seems worried, as he is trying to stop the bleeding from your wound.

"I can handle it. Let me go." you say firmly. His dark-brown eyes meet yours, and you mentally curse yourself for how they can still charm you.

"Let me help you." he says it with such tenderness that you want to immerse yourself in his sweet words again, to surrender to that attraction that has always been present between you. "You don't have to be alone, moya milaya."

"I'm not alone." you deny quickly. However, you give in partially when the logical part of you allows him to give you a band-aid; this is something you are willing to accept from him.

"Aren't you, Y/N? Don't you feel a the weight of the fate of all Grishas on your beautiful, delicate shoulders? Haven't you misssed me all these single nights? When you were dreaming of my touch, of my voice..."

"And where were you when I really needed you?! When your people were dying on the borders! When innocent people died when they took Ravka! Where the hell were you then?!" you shout at him in anger and move away from him before he can tie a makeshift sling around your arm from the black shawl he untucked from around his neck.

"Making sure that YOU will not kill yourself, while playing a hero." he replies calmly, his gaze unwavering on you as his composure throws you even further off balance.

"If you care about me so much, why didn't you stand by my side? Why didn't you help me save Grishas?"

"You said yourself that you don't need a monster. That you can handle it perfectly well on your own, little Saint. I told you and tried to warn you that you can't do it on your own, and neither can I. But you had to be stubborn. These are your words: 'Let them come.' I did. I let them come. Are you satisfied?"

"You let all these people die to just prove your point?" you ask, shocked. He takes advantage of your momentary lapse in vigilance to bandage your arm and place it in a sling made of his black shawl.

"No. I let all these people die to make you see the truth that you are trying to avoid so hard."

"Which is?"

"Don't pretend, moya milaya. I am a patient man, but we lost enough time. Can you honestly claim that you are against me? That you would choose these fools over me again? That you didn't wish to have an equal again? Someone who will stand by your side no matter what? Someone who will protect you? I can be all of this to you and even more. All you have to do, lapushka, is accept that we are all we need. That you and I was enchanted to unite a long time ago. I want you to see all these things from my side of the story, to understand why I did what I did, and why I intend to continue what I have planned."

He talks so smoothly about death, as if it were nothing. And you would have the right to feel outraged by this fact and hate him again if the smell of the metallic blood of the people who hunted you wasn't in the air. People you killed without blinking an eye.

As he caresses your cheek tenderly and stares at you with affection and an understanding you haven't seen in anyone else's face since his death, you can't help but wonder... if he was actually right when he said that in time his actions would be yours.

He leans closer to you. Your noses brush as he rests his forehead against yours. You shiver, feeling his warm breath on your cheek.

"Aleksander..." you whisper shakily as his scent reaches you, his warmth warming your body, frozen from the cold and the exertion of running away. You feel like you're just realising that he's really here. That he's alive.

And you welcome the familiar tingle of your power inside you that he brings back to life with his amplifier powers as his lips capture yours.

And you wanted to move away. Really. You wanted to remain indifferent towards him and laugh at him for still feeling something for you. Scold him for even hoping that you would just melt back into his touch after what happened between you, how he hurt you, and how obsessive and possessive he was.

But all you do is moan against his lips as you respond to his kiss.

It's not one of those hungry, greedy kisses stolen in moments when you were completely alone and couldn't fight the growing tension between you any longer and just had to release it by consuming each other with your desires.

It's gentle, so much so that you're afraid that the butterfly feeling of his lips on yours will disappear in any moment and you'll find that he never came back, that he was just a sweet, cruel delusion of your exhausted mind.

But the moment he tangles one of his hands in the hair at the back of your head and puts the other on your waist to press you against the tree so gently as to not hurt you accidentally, you know it's real. And you can't stop responding to his kiss or pretending that you don't want to caress his lips with yours just as passionately. Or pretend that the thought of pulling away isn't sinful to you.

You pull away from each other after a long moment. Not far, though. His nose brushes against yours as you breathe heavily, both of you with your eyes closed, drinking in the other's warmth and scent after so many years of fighting with each other and your desires... after so many years of being utterly alone.

Your shaky breaths come out of your mouths in grey clouds and merge together. Only now do you notice how warm he is compared to you.

"Come. You can't stay here." he says, taking off his warm coat with black fur sewn to the hood. He puts it on you and pulls the hood over your head.

"You don't need to..." he interrupts you, picking you up in bridal style. He holds you close to his chest and walks in a direction unknown to you, a clear plan etched on his face as he scans the surroundings for any danger in your path. "Hey! Put me down! I can walk by myself! Besides, I don't want to go anywhere with you!" you protest, struggling in his arms.

"I know, milaya. Rest. I promise I won't do anything you don't want me to. I'm just making sure you will be safe when I'm gone. That's why I'm taking you to Grishas' camp. They will cure you there. Besides, your followers anxiously await your return, my little Saint. You are their only hope now."

"When you gone?" you ask slightly panicked and shift your gaze to him.

The weight of responsibility settles on your shoulders once again as you realise how many lives are counting on you... and the one person you can look to for support is, inconveniently, now something of an enemy to you.

But... can you feel towards your enemy the way you feel for him? Can you kiss an enemy as passionately as you did just a second ago? Can an enemy look at you with such care and adoration?

"Do you wish me to stay with you, lapushka?" he glanced at you briefly, just enough to ask you his question.

A dead silence falls between you. You don't need words to understand each other. And it was something that had always both terrified you and made the bond between you more and more irresistible. He knows the answer to your question. He knows you'll never admit it out loud. Or at least not at this moment.

Despite all this, he still holds you close. He leans down to place a kiss on your temple and whispers in your ear:

"I am... a very patient man, Y/N... I can wait, and I will. You will come to me yourself. And when you did... you wouldn't be able to resist or deny the truth about your feelings for another damn second. I will have you by my side. I can assure you that it will happen sooner than you think or are willing to admit."

You don't argue with him anymore. You just don't have the strength. Instead, you lean against him and fall asleep, wrapped in his scent, his warm coat, and his arms that make you feel safe. You decide to hate yourself later for what you feel right now.

After so many years, months, weeks, and days of fighting for your people and country completely on your own, you could afford the comfort of feeling his arms around you for just another few minutes, couldn't you?

It's been three months since you last saw him.

He left you at Grishas' camp just before the sun rose with a kiss on your forehead and a promise that you would meet again and that you would call for him again. Which you highly doubted. You already despised yourself and him enough to stay away from him... or at least pretend that's what you wanted.

During this months, you managed to save and lose many people—many good soldiers. And although you don't want to admit it, this time it makes you even more aware of the truth that Aleksander was trying to drill into your head before you destroyed the fold.

You wandered around like a child in the fog, trying to keep your morality, set an example for people, and play the role of a Sankta who abhors all evil and darkness. Only he had survived enough to know that morality could only be keept in human conditions—when you didn't have to worry about food, a warm place to sleep, or whether every breath you took wouldn't be your last.

But what really broke you wasn't the constant death, suffering, and screaming around you. It was the news of Alina's death.

It was this terrible emptiness, this feeling of helplessness and loneliness that grew inside you with each day, with each Grishas lost, with each drop of blood that soaked into your kefta.

And then you gave up.

"You won! Do you hear me?! YOU WON!" you screamed in your room at the camp after you returned from another mission to rescue imprisoned Grishas, which ended in the bloodiest of all. Which ended with the death of the last person you cared about. "Just come here… I can't… Aleksander, please. Please, I need you."

In your rage, you throw the bottle of alcohol against the wall and scream, falling to your knees. You wrap your arms tightly around yourself and cry, feeling the dried blood on your clothes.

You have enough. You had enough of this war. You didn't want to see your friends lose their lives. You were fed up with constant wars, fighting, and deaths around you.

You only knew one thing: you couldn't stand this alone. You simply must have had him by your side again Somoeone who will stay by your side and simply just be there for you. Someone who won't require you to save the world all by yourself.

"Aleksander, I beg you... please..." you whisper desperately while holding a pendant with his bone tightly in your hand. Maybe the fact that you never parted with that stupid necklace was a sign of what was inevitably to come.

Your failure. Your ruin.

But still, all you can do is melt into his arms as he comes to you through your bond and embraces you, pulling your shaking body into his lap and as close to him as possible.

"Shhh... it's okay, moya milaya, you are safe." he whispers in your ear as he holds you close to his chest with a hand on you mouth so you can make a sound. "As long as I am here, nothing will happen to you. You are not alone anymore and you never will be again, lapushka."

He strokes your hair and whispers words of comfort. A sweet nothing meant to calm you down. You still can't tell whether he does it out of love or because he needs you in his plans. And the scariest thing was that you didn't care as long as he held you, stayed by your side and didn't let you be alone.

If you were any less grief-stricken, you would wonder about the irony of this situation. The irony of how he foretold your fate. How he fulfilled his promise. How he became your only shelter.

"I will take care of everything. I'm not going anywhere. It is you and me, my Y/N. It's only you and me against them all. And we are all we need anyway. I will take good care of you, solnyshka. No more tears; no more lies and betrayals. Our life together is getting started exactly right now. And I can already promise you it will be an incredible future... moya tsaritsa. Ravka will be ours. We will free our people. We will made all of them pay for what they did to our kind. Grishas will enter their golden age under our rules. Nothing will stop us."

"Just... please come back." you sob into him. He tightened his arms around you and pressed his lips against your temple.

"I'm on my way, lapushka." he whispers, his lips brushing against your ear.

You shiver as the warmth of his arms suddenly disappears, and you're left alone, kneeling on the cold floor. You couldn't afford even the slightest remorse. All you could think about, and all you could wait for, was the moment he would come back here in the flesh.

You realised that loneliness was too dangerous an enemy for you that you (or anyone) were unable to defeat. Aleksander has been patiently waiting for years for you to come to this conclusion. A conclusion he understood the moment you fled the Little Palace with Alina and the crows, just before he could have a proper chance to propose to you.

But this time, he won't make that mistake again. He won't let you go of his grip once you came back to him.

The world needs a monster.

You understood his words the moment you created your own fold. A fold of white, pure light which killed anyone who tried to walk past it.

You saw the fear in everyone's eyes. Even your Grishas, whom you swore to protect. Only Aleksander's dark irises stared at you with admiration. Only he doesn't turn away from you, doesn't show any traces of dread.

Only he was brave enough to walk to you, and after that, he kissed you greedily after you all realised you won. Ravka belonged to Grishas. And the new fold that you create will make sure no one will ever think of attacking your people again.

And now you were standing in front of the mirror in the Little Palace. Your people bravely dismantled what was left of the Grand Palace and worked to rebuild the house of Grishas and expand it.

You were entering a new era. And the flags with the eclipse of the sun that now fluttered on the masts of the palace reminded you of that, as did your black and gold dresses, keftas, and the crown that had recently become an extra burden on your head. Just like two rings on your finger.

"I knew you would look stunning in the crown, moya Sol Koroleva." he whispers, making you shiver at his sudden presence. He wraps his arms around your waist, pressing you against his chest. Shadows circle lazily around you as his dark eyes catch yours in the mirror.

"You could at least pretend you didn't plan this from the beginning."

"I didn't plan it. I didn't want to be king. But when the dynasty kept taking advantage of us, I had no other choice. I had to start planning to take over the throne. Taking on the burden of power to make sure that the Grishas are finally treated as they should be. And then you appeared. My sunshine, my ray of hope, my little saint."

"A candidate for your queen and a means to a desired goal." you finish bitterly, resting your head on his shoulder to rest for a moment from the irritating weight of the crown. Looking in the mirror, you reluctantly admit that he looks handsome, dressing all like a king.

"Don't be so mean, milaya. You know very well that you shattered any evil plans I had for you when those lips of yours enchanted me. You made me feel like I could control it all for the first time in hundreds of years. That my plans will finally come true. We've come a long way, my Y/N, but we both know this is where we were meant to be. Next to each other. Equals. Together at the helm of Ravka. We are the only ones who will ever wield such power and who can stand next to each other forever."

You sigh. He is right. He is all you have. And you both know that you won't let go of each other anytime soon. You hated solitude. You knew yourselves so well that even for a second, consider leaving the only person who could ever stick so long with you. The ones who understood and were willing to share the burden the world put on the arms of the two of you.

So you turn in his arms, place your hand gently on his cheek, and after caressing his skin with your thumb, pull him in for a kiss.

He pulls you closer to him; you both need the other's touch and tenderness, the reassurance that after so many wars, fights, and betrays, you are finally together and that you will rely on each other to build the greatness of Ravka, leading your Grishas into the years of glory.

Not just as king and queen, tsar and tsaritsa. But also husband and wife. Partners. Equalls. Summoner of the sun and shadows united for the good of all your people.

"I love you, moi sol ye tselai. My Y/N." he whispers into the skin of your neck, placing kisses, especially where was the necklace he gave you, which you didn't dare to take off for so many years, afraid that the last connection and the memento you had left of him would disappear as soon as you lost it from your sight.

But behind these great goals was one common need, to which you agreed only for yourself. The need to love and be loved. The need to have a shelter that will last through the eternity that awaits both of you. And you finally had to admit that despite the darkness in your life and the problems and disasters mostly caused by your new husband, you couldn't imagine anyone else next to you.

"I love you, Aleksander. I've always have." you admit as his hands roam over you, caressing you. Shadows surround you, creating a protective bubble as you kiss passionately, forgetting about the rest of the world for a moment and you give in to your deepest desires.

The prospect of loneliness and everything that you went through in your life have effectively killed any sense of guilt or morality inside you. You could have allowed yourself that one selfish act. Especially when being with him in the darkness was such a tempting and blissful experience after years of loneliness.

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myhairpintrigger · 4 months

Text

Grieving for the Living (Aleksander Morozova x fem! reader) Part 2

The entirety of a capricious and treacherous marriage between the Darkling and the Lantsov princess.

read part one here!

hi all i love u, also merry early christmas to those who celebrate and happy weekend to those who don't! i've had people ask to be tagged in future parts so feel free to comment if u wanna be added to the silly little taglist for this silly little story.

word count: 11.6

warnings: man idk, everything is pretty canon. examples of a not very healthy relationship.

taglist: @il0vebeingdelulu @mellowarcadefun

You sat on a stool in the stables while your husband was occupied, putting a saddle on his horse. You had your legs crossed and you bounced your knee to pass the time, sighing occasionally. You wore tall, knee high riding boots and a pair of tight black pants. You had a peacoat over your white blouse and a cloak on over your shoulders, at the request of your husband. It had recently become much colder in temperature as the seasons shifted from autumn to winter, and your husband was constantly fussing about you getting sick.

“You know, I grew up riding horses. I can ride my own. I have my own.” You remarked, glancing up at your husband as he secured half of the saddle onto his horse’s back.

He eyed you from where he stood and he shook his head, “I believe you, but it’s cold and I’d prefer having you close enough to share body heat.” He explained, going back to tightening straps.

“In what world will I be cold, dear? You’ve got me in a hundred layers.” You stated, keeping your eyes on him.

Almost an entire month had passed since you had tried to walk out on him, and in that month, he had done an entire turn around. Days where you expected him to be off with Alina or off tending to things pertaining to his army, he had been spending with you. Conversations that you’d grown accustomed to being cold were now warm and inviting, and mealtime wasn’t stiff and just for the sake of appearances anymore.

As to be expected, though, you two were starting at the bottom. Friends before lovers, you reminded yourself when you found yourself daydreaming about the one time he had kissed you.

Your husband looked down upon you and snickered once before he tightened the last strap on the horse’s saddle, “Well, at least you’ll be warm.” He said with a smile, shaking his head just once.

You simply rolled your eyes and stood up off of the stool, “I’m serious, I’m an excellent rider.” You pressed, walking to his side.

“While I don’t doubt you for a second, can you please just humor me and ride on my horse with me?” He asked, looking down at you with a small, amused smile.

You rolled your eyes again but couldn’t help but smile back at him. You grabbed onto the saddle and he hoisted you up onto the horse before he gracefully climbed on behind you, grabbing the reins. He guided the horse forward and out into the path out behind the palaces. You’d never admit it, but you were glad for the extra layer he insisted you wear, because the cold bit your cheeks and made you grab the sides of your cloak and pull them around your body like a blanket. You leaned back a bit against your husband’s solid chest and you let out a little sigh, watching the trees pass the two of you by.

“I want to discuss something with you.” Your husband said matter of factly.

He let go of the reins with one hand and wrapped his arm delicately around your waist, pulling you back just slightly.

“Alright, go on, then.” You coaxed, feeling tiny butterflies in your stomach when he wrapped his arm around your waist.

“The Winter Fete is in a few weeks,” he began, sounding almost nervous to continue, “your parents have requested that the Sun Summoner and I give a… demonstration, of sorts. A performance of her abilities.” He finished, arm tightening around your waist just slightly.

You had almost forgotten Alina had been there over the past month. It was seldom that your husband saw her anymore, pushing her training off onto other Grisha or the strange old woman, Baghra, whom you had only met once, the night after your wedding.

“What’s that got to do with me?” You asked, confusedly, reaching out with one hand to touch some low hanging branches as you passed them.

“I’m just going to have to spend a bit of time getting her ready.” He stated, and you pulled your arm back into your cloak, listening to him.

“Can I accompany you?” You asked, turning your head to look up at him. His eyes shifted down towards you and he gave you a soft smile.

“If that so pleases you, then I suppose it won’t be an issue.”

You smiled at him and then turned back around, “I’d like that.” You hummed, reaching down to gently place your hand on top of his as he held your waist with one arm.

His hand was cold as always and you moved your other hand over so that you could clasp his hand in both of yours to warm it up.

“Your hands are always so cold.” You remarked, giving his hand a gentle squeeze, “Cold hands, warm heart?” You asked, giggling.

He let out a little chuckle behind you and he leaned down so that his lips brushed the shell of your ear, “Perhaps cold heart, even colder hands.”

“You don’t have a cold heart.” You quipped, bringing his hand up to your neck, warming it against your skin.

“Would you say I have an overly warm one?” He asked, keeping his lips near your ear.

“I think you’re just a little bit choosy about who gets to see your warmth.” You countered and then shrugged once, leaning your head back against his chest.

The sun was starting to set, leaving the sky a brilliant orange and pink and you stared off at the bright colors, keeping his hand against your warm neck. You stayed silent for a while as he stopped the horse near a cliffside and you both looked over it.

“Do you truly believe Alina is going to rid us of The Fold?” You asked softly, imagining a world where you could travel as you pleased with no imminent danger. You’d always wanted to travel past Ravka. Maybe to Ketterdam, or perhaps even beyond all that, and looking over this cliffside gave you a rather strong sense of wanderlust. The colors of the sky made the pine trees below look dull and lifeless and you couldn’t tear your eyes away from the sunset.

Your husband seemingly hesitated before he answered, taking his time to formulate a response carefully.

“I believe it’s achievable. She is a marvel.” He finally said, wrapping his other arm around you so that you were now encircled in his embrace.

You paused. Your next question hung on your lips and you almost didn’t ask it, but before you could think better of it, it had already come out of your mouth.

“Do you have feelings for Alina?”

The Darkling pulled you closer so that your back was flush against his chest and you could feel the metal embellishments on his kefta through your cloak.

“I wouldn’t say so.” He remarked plainly, allowing you to lay your head back against the front of his shoulder.

You let out a slow breath, and noted that it had now become cold enough that you could see your breath materialize in front of you. You felt an odd sense of relief.

“What about anyone else?” You absentmindedly asked, tracing your finger along the sleeve of his kefta. You suddenly felt very intrusive and frowned, patting his arm once, “You don’t have to answer that, I’m being nosy.”

He hummed and you felt his cheek against the top of your head. You kept your eyes on the sky and felt your eyelids grow heavy. The two of you had taken to going on horse rides later in the evening so that you could see the sunset. You’d mentioned loving the sunset to him once not too long ago, and he’d taken it upon himself to bring you here to a cliff in the forest behind the palaces.

You dragged your pointer finger over the edge of his sleeve and down onto his exposed wrist. You ran your finger along the back of his hand and up onto the cold metal of the ring on his smallest finger. He turned his hand over so that his palm was facing yours and he slid his fingers in between yours. He held your hand delicately in his own as if it may break if he added any sort of pressure. You tore your eyes away from the sky to look at your joined hands and you turned your head and looked up at him. It took him a moment to move his gaze down to yours, but when he did, you felt breathless. The fading sun reflected in his dark eyes and you could swear that just this once, they had a golden hue. You tightened your fingers around his and leaned closer to him, twisting around to rest your chin against the center of his chest while you kept your eyes upon him.

He brought a hand up and smoothed back your hair, a small smile forming on his lips. He leaned down and for a split second, you grew excited, anticipating a kiss. He did kiss you, just not where you had expected it. Instead, he placed a very gentle kiss upon your forehead. Your eyes fluttered shut and his lips lingered upon your skin. Your forehead felt warm where his lips touched it and you gave his hand another squeeze. When he finally did pull away, the air felt much colder. He brought the hand that was touching your hair up to your face and he felt your cheeks with the backs of his fingers.

“I think we should head back. You’re getting rather cold, it seems.” He hummed.

You didn’t move, though. You stayed with your chin against his chest and your eyes up on his face. He seemed amused by you now, a small laugh escaping his lips.

“Y/n, I’ll not have you getting sick.” You could tell he was trying to be stern, but the smile on his face made it so hard to take him seriously.

“You’d better warm me up then, quickly, General!” You teased, moving your head down and resting your cheek against his chest instead of your chin. Your back was twisted at an odd angle and you were admittedly very uncomfortable, but you didn’t move.

“I can warm you up better when we’re in a warm environment, now come on.” He stated and gently grabbed your arms. He turned you forward once again and he let go of your hand. He wrapped his arm around your waist once more and grabbed the horse’s reins with the other hand. He started the horse off back towards the palace and you leaned back completely against his chest once again, placing your hand back on top of his as he held you around your waist.

The ride back to the Little Palace was silent, but not uncomfortably so. Your husband brought the two of you back to the stables and he easily jumped off the horse and then held his arms out for you. You slid off of the horse and into his arms and he gently set you on the ground. Once you were standing firmly on the ground, you wrapped both of your arms around one of his and leaned your cheek against the side of his arm. He looked down at you with that same amused smile and he led both of you inside. Once you were inside, you felt instant relief from the cold. You hadn’t even noticed how cold you really were until you’d gotten back inside.

You and your husband made your way through the halls toward your bedroom and were nearly there when you heard someone clear their throat behind you two. Both of you turned around at the same time to see the old woman, Baghra, standing a couple yards behind you. She seemed irate, and took a couple steps towards the two of you. Your husband swept you behind himself in what you could only imagine was a protective manner.

“I’ve been trying to speak to you for days, boy.” She said, her tone steady and cold. If she was angry, her tone wouldn’t have indicated it. In fact, it wouldn’t have indicated anything at all. Her voice was devoid of emotion, something your husband was able to do often.

“And I’ve been avoiding you for days. I have important things to tend to, Baghra.” He answered. She came closer.

Her eyes flickered to you and back to him. She did this a few times before she shook her head, her grey hair shaking with each movement, “Seems you’re not busy now. Have your wife run along so that we may speak.”

You raised an eyebrow and took a step forward, intent on reminding this woman who she was speaking to. Your husband put his arm out to keep you back and he turned his head and looked down at you, shaking his head sternly.

“Go get yourself ready for bed. I’ll be along shortly. I just need to speak to Baghra for a moment.”

You looked up at him questioningly but didn’t protest. You could read the room, and you knew this likely wasn’t a time to argue. You gave a small nod to your husband and he gave you a tense smile in return, leaning down to kiss the top of your head.

“Good girl, run along. Start a fire if you get too cold.” His voice was warm when he spoke to you this time, and it made you smile.

You turned away from him and you walked briskly toward your room. When you looked back over your shoulder, though, Baghra and your husband were both staring back at you, making your stomach twist uneasily.

Your eyes had just barely fluttered shut when the door to your bedroom opened, closing loudly almost instantly after. Your eyes flew open and you sat up on your elbows to see your husband standing near the doorway. You didn’t need to hear his voice or see his face in the light to know that he was angry. You sat up fully and watched him carefully. He stood there for a moment longer before he took off his kefta and hung it over a chair. He looked at you where you sat, and you could tell even in the dim light that he was looking at you, because his eyes shone in the candlelight. You watched him silently as he bustled around the room to rid himself of his dirty clothes and changed into his nightclothes. Once he had finished, he stood motionlessly with his back to you, hands clasped behind his back. You quietly climbed out of bed and you walked towards your husband. Your feet pattered quietly against the floors and once you reached him, you wrapped both of your arms around him from behind.

He felt tense in your arms and you laid your cheek against his back. You didn’t say anything- you didn’t even know what could have been said. After a few minutes, he laid his hands on your wrists and brushed his thumbs across the backs of your hands.

“Did you know that Baghra is my mother?” He asked after a long while of silence.

“I did not.” You answered, but it made sense. They had similar mannerisms, similar ways of presenting themselves.

Your husband turned around in your arms and looked down at you, resting his hands on your waist.

“You don’t need to go mentioning that to anyone else.” He stated.

A look of surprise flashed across your face and you blinked a few times. He had just confided in you. You felt oddly flattered and you almost felt like doing a happy little dance around the room, but you stayed planted in your spot.

“I won’t.” You promised, leaning closer to him.

He gave an approving hum and he reached up to tuck a lock of your hair back behind your ear.

“You should be in bed right now.” He laid his palm against the side of your face and held it like it was the most delicate thing he’d ever handled in his life.

“Well, I was. In bed, I mean. But then you came in. You’re upset. I just wanted to help.” You explained, leaning into his hand.

The cold metal of his ring bit into your warm cheek and it nearly made you shiver. You closed your eyes and nuzzled your face into his palm, feeling soothed by the way he swiped his thumb back and forth over your cheekbone every so often.

“Such a sweet girl,” he cooed, “I am just fine. Don’t worry about me.” he murmured and leaned down. He swept an arm behind your legs and he lifted you up into his arms. You grabbed his shoulders to steady yourself and he hauled you back over to the bed.

He laid you down on your side and you grabbed his arm, tugging on it, “You’re gonna lay down too, right?” You asked softly, looking up at him expectantly.

“Yes, y/n.”

You felt relieved when he answered and you rolled onto your side to face him as he walked around the bed and laid down next to you. You smiled over at him as he rolled onto his own side and you wiggled closer to him so that there was only less than a foot of space between your faces. His dark eyes scanned over your face before he reached across the distance between you and tugged you against his chest. A relieved sigh passed your lips and you closed your eyes, resting your head comfortably against the center of his chest.

“What did your mother say to you that upset you so much?” You asked in a soft tone. As soon as you asked, though, you felt intrusive. He likely would’ve started ranting about it if it was something he wished to discuss.

But instead of answering you with silence or some other evasive statement, he sighed and began to speak.

“She believes me to be… threateningly power hungry.”

“And are you?” You asked, tracing your fingers along the smooth silk of his shirt.

“I think there’s a fine line that runs between knowing what you want and doing everything you can to take it and being power hungry.” He answered, sliding a hand up into your hair.

“I see. And what is it that you want?” You asked, placing a kiss over his clothed chest.

“Power.”

His answer came as a surprise to you. You didn’t expect him to be so forthcoming with anything, especially this. His fingers ran idly through your hair and you wiggled up a bit to tuck your face into the crook of his neck. You felt tired, much more tired than you had been before, but you didn’t want to stop talking to your husband. You didn’t want his openness to end and never make a reappearance.

“What kind of power?” You asked, trying to ignore the sleepiness that threatened to drag you away.

“All of it. I want it all.” He replied, voice calm, as if he were having the most casual of conversations with you.

“I see.” You hummed.

Neither of you spoke for a while after this. As much as you tried to fight it, you began to drift off to sleep, but it didn’t last long, because your husband spoke again.

“I married you for power, you know.”

Your eyes shot open and you sat up on your elbow, gaping down at the man next to you. You didn’t know how to react. His words had sent needle-sharp pains through your chest. Your mouth opened slightly as if you were ready to speak, but you closed it quickly. He held up his finger as if to ask you to hear him out and you blinked incredulously back at him. You didn’t want to hear him out, but you couldn’t think of anything to say.

“I tried to dislike you. To push you away. I wanted this to be painless. But you made that so hard. You’re brilliant, intelligent, talented… you’re everything. You’re enchanting, y/n Lantsov. Falling for you… that wasn’t part of my plan, but here we are. You’d have to be a fool to not fall for you.” He breathed, reaching up to touch your face with the tips of his fingers. His fingertips grazed your skin and you shivered, eyes falling shut, “The fact of the matter is, I’ve tried with all my might to keep you out. I don’t want you out anymore. I couldn’t care less about power when it comes to you. You’ve enchanted me, Princess. I am under your unbreakable spell. Sometimes I think that you must be a sorceress.”

His words hit you hard, leaving you struggling to breathe. You should have been mad at him for setting out to use you for gain. You should have slapped him and stormed out of the bedroom. He shouldn’t have been touching you so sweetly, and you shouldn’t have been letting him. Every logical thought in your head told you to get out of bed and run. Run to your parents, break the marriage, tell them the truth of what he had just told you. You should have listened to that logical side of your brain. You should have just listened to your brain in general.

But wasn’t this what you wanted?

Confusedly, you brought a hand up to the side of your head and you shook it a few times. You’d all but begged him to love you, and here he was, confessing to you in roundabout words that he did.

Your eyes met his and you wanted to be angry, but his gaze was so soft, so adoring, and it made you waver. He slid his hand around to the back of your head and he pulled your face close to his.

“I will be honest with you, completely honest, going forward. I give you my word on that. You have every right to be angry. But I beg of you; don’t walk away.” And he was indeed begging. You’d never heard this tone leave his mouth before. He never begged. He was to be begged for. He commanded respect wherever he went. You doubted this man had ever begged for anything in his entire life.

He pulled your face closer, so close now that his lips brushed yours as he spoke.

“Let me love you. The way you deserve.”

Hearing his words was blissful. You tried desperately to muster up some- any- anger, but you were failing miserably. Every urge to scream, to run, to leave, was rapidly slipping away, and all you could focus on now was how close his lips were to yours. You swallowed thickly, not opening your mouth, afraid of what might come out. You noticed your hands were trembling and you balled them into fists to keep them from shaking.

Let me love you.

Weren’t you asking him to do this just a month ago? The words echoed in your head on and on, back and forth, and despite your better judgment, you felt one word slip through your lips.

“Okay.”

Then, he kissed you. This kiss was much sweeter than the last, and you were hesitant to kiss back now, but did it really matter? You’d already pushed aside all logic tonight. What would it hurt to kiss your husband back?

So you did.

“Are your eyes closed?” Your husband asked you, giddy with excitement.

You smiled and for extra measure, put your hands over your closed eyes, “Yes, my love. They aren’t open.” You replied, letting him gently steer you into another room.

He finally stopped walking and held you still, his hands gently holding your waist from behind. You leaned back into his grasp and let out a soft, content sigh.

“Alright. You may go ahead and open your eyes.”

You uncovered your eyes and opened them up and your eyes fell upon a brilliant dress sitting upon a dress form in the middle of the room. It was a sleek, black gown with a low neckline and long sleeves. Pearls and little crystals were sewn into the fabric in swirling designs around the neckline and over the sleeves. You slowly turned around and looked up at your husband with wide eyes.

“I know black has never been your choice of color to wear, and if you don’t want to wear it to the fete tonight, you may pick whatever else you’d like, but I had this made for you. I just thought perhaps that we could match.” He murmured, reaching out to grab your chin delicately.

You smiled up at him gratefully and you shook your head, “No, I want to wear it. It’s beautiful.” You said softly, leaning into his touch. You were much more open to wearing black these days anyway, having the newfound desire to wear your husband’s color for everyone to see.

He leaned down and brought your lips to his in a slow, relaxed kiss. You relished the feeling of his warm lips against yours and you moved closer to him, bringing a hand up to rest on the side of his neck. He pulled away and you let out a disappointed whine, trying to chase his lips with your own as he stood back up straight.

He chuckled, “There will be plenty of time for that later, my love. For now, I think we ought to start getting ready for the fete tonight.”

You frowned and dramatically sighed, collapsing forward against his chest. You wound both of your arms up around his neck and you rested your cheek against the center of his chest,

“Thank you.” You whispered, “The dress is beautiful.”

He wrapped his own arms around your waist and drew you in close, his nose burying itself in your hair, “You needn’t thank me, sweet girl. It’ll look beautiful on you.”

“What will you wear?” You asked, tucking your face against his shoulder. Your fingers absentmindedly twisted in the hair at the back of his head and you gave it a very gentle tug.

“Something nice. Similarly colored, too.” He said, sarcastically.

You smiled at his dry remark and you pulled your head back to look up at his beautiful face. His dark eyes looked down into yours and he brought a hand up to your face, cupping your cheek carefully. There was a certain pain in his eyes that you couldn’t ignore and you brought your hand up to rest against the back of his.

“What troubles you, darling?” You asked, your smile faltering just slightly.

He brought his forehead down to yours and he nudged your nose with the tip of his, “Little love, what makes you think something troubles me?” He asked, lips grazing yours.

“You look… anguished. In your eyes.” You answered, your own eyes falling closed. His breath fanned across your face and you parted your lips slightly when his brushed across yours.

“Anguished? How could I be anguished at a time like this? I have my darling wife in my arms.” He whispered, his tone convincing.

“Are you sure?” You asked quietly, “You can tell me.” You pressed, fingers sliding in between his.

“I assure you, there is no anguish inside of me. You’ve made sure of that.” He cooed, pressing multiple feather-light kisses to your lips.

You took his word for it and slowly pulled away from him, smiling just a bit, “Do you get to help me into my dress or is that a task for your Tailor?” You asked, wandering towards the dress in the middle of the room.

“I suppose that if you want the dress on now, we can put it on you.” He answered and followed you.

You turned the dress form around and unlaced the silk gown with delicate fingers before you pulled it off entirely. You held the garment out for your husband to take and he did, his eyes never leaving you. You quickly undressed out of your plain sky blue gown and you kicked it aside, eager to get into the dress that he had made for you. You turned to face your husband now and you stepped closer to him and held your hands out for the dress. Instead, he took a step closer to you and he grabbed your arm. He tugged you close to him and he dipped his head down to place a few kisses to your shoulder. You let out a soft sigh when you felt his lips against your skin and you nearly shivered.

“If you start something like that, I’m afraid I won’t stop you.” You whispered shakily, bringing a hand up into his hair as he trailed his lips down towards your collarbones.

“Don’t stop me, then, Princess.” He mumbled, hand still on your arm. You almost allowed him to convince you, but you frowned and shook your head.

“We don’t have time. You have to get ready, so do I…” you hummed, rather distracted. His kiss made your stomach do flips and as much as you said that you two shouldn’t, you wanted to allow him to do whatever he pleased in that moment.

Much to your secret dismay, The Darkling lifted his head away from your chest and he hummed.

“Such a shame. I suppose I’ll just have to look forward to taking you out of that dress, then.” He commented and finally let go of your arm and handed you the gown.

You carefully took it from his hands and you stepped into the dress. You pulled it up and slid your arms into the soft sleeves and then turned around. Your husband moved your hair over your shoulder as your back faced him and he laced up your dress. You recalled the last time he did this and almost laughed at how different it was now. The first time he’d laced up your dress, you’d not wanted him anywhere near you, and now all you could think about was his hands all over you. The thought of his hands all over your body made you bite your bottom lip and you tilted your head to the side.

He finished doing up your dress and he turned you around slowly, taking in the way the dress settled upon your body. There was a sense of pride in the way that he smiled down at you and you did a little twirl in front of him. The skirt of the dress swished around your ankles and you giggled, turning back around to grin up at your husband.

“Do we like it?” You asked, running your hands over the pearl embellished bodice.

“We do.” His tone was low and his eyes were taking you in as if it was the first time he was seeing you.

You bounded forward and threw your arms around his neck once more, tugging him down towards you. You pressed a handful of excited kisses to his lips and each time he kissed you back, his lips curling into a pleasant smile.

“Thank you.” You breathed, bumping your nose against his.

He pulled away and he took your hand in his, “Don’t thank me, Princess. I should thank you for wearing it, gracing my eyes with your beauty. Besides, I like it when you wear my color. It gives me a sense of pride, it’s such a beautiful sight to see you in it. I don’t just ask anyone to wear it, you know. Only someone who has a special place in my heart.” He replied and then winked down at you, “Come, let’s go get you ready for the fete.” He prompted and tugged you towards the door, his eyes lingering on you for just a second longer.

You couldn’t help but notice the pained look that still hung in his dark eyes.

“My beautiful girl!” Your mother’s voice rang out across the crowded room.

Your parents rose from their seats when you came into view and you gave them a soft smile. You were clinging to your husband’s arm as if someone would take him from your grasp, and justifiably so. This was the largest event of the year, and there were hundreds of people, some of which from other countries. The eyes of almost everyone in the room were on the two of you, and you imagined you must have been a spectacle. It was no surprise to see the Second Army’s General in all black, but for you to be in his color? That must have been new. A little smirk threatened to cover your lips, you felt so powerful at his side.

The two of you took graceful strides up to your parents and you finally pulled away from your husband’s arm. You stood up on your toes and placed a quick, chaste kiss on his lips. He let out a breathy laugh as you pulled away and turned to your parents. You greeted them warmly and gave them both little kisses on their cheeks before you turned to your brother, Vasily. You gave him a curt nod and then took your place back at your husband’s side.

“I never thought I’d see the day where you wore anything that wasn’t so brightly colored.” Your mother commented and sat back in her plush chair, “You look dazzling, dear. Both of you. You could make a burlap sack look good though, darling! I mean, I’d hope you never have to but, still!” Your mother gushed, and you chuckled and glanced up at your husband.

His eyes didn’t meet yours. In fact, his eyes were transfixed on the doorway. You slowly followed his gaze once you realized he wasn’t tearing his attention away from whatever was at the doorway anytime soon, and quickly wished you hadn’t.

Alina Starkov, the Sun Summoner stepped into the room looking as decorated as a war hero. Her hair was done up beautifully and she looked poised and… perfect. None of this would have bothered you though, if it wasn’t for her clothing.

Black.

A black kefta with beautiful golden embroidery.

Your mouth twitched angrily and you watched her as she approached you and your husband, her eyes on his. He watched her with a smile as she strode towards you two and you slipped your arm away from his, turning your head slowly towards him. He slowly shifted his eyes towards your face, and his smile seemed to melt. The pained look returned to his eyes as he looked at you and he opened his mouth as if he were going to speak but you held your hand up.

“Not. A. Word.” You hissed and he seemed as if he was going to argue, but you cleared your throat and turned towards your parents, giving them a warm, performative smile, “May I sit with you, Mother?” You asked, motioning to the empty seat next to her.

Your mother enthusiastically urged you to sit down and you did, your legs crossing stiffly. Your husband looked at you, pleaded for your attention with his eyes and the look within them, but you turned your head to listen to whatever conversation your parents and Vasily were having. You felt sick to your stomach while you only half listened to Vasily speak about the ongoing war and you wrapped your arms around yourself.

“I don’t just ask anyone to wear it, you know. Only someone who has a special place in my heart.”

Your husband’s words from earlier rang in your ears and your eyes strayed to him. He stood next to Alina now, talking to her. A smitten smile covered her lips. You couldn’t take it. You shot up from your chair and you heard your mother gasp, startled by the sudden movement.

“I’ll be back, excuse me please.” You murmured.

Your mother grabbed your wrist and looked up at you, “Oh, but if you leave now you’ll miss the show!” Your mother exclaimed, pointing to Alina and your husband.

“Let her go, Mother.” Vasily said in a sympathetic tone. You looked at your brother, shocked, and he gave you a half smile before his gaze wandered to Alina and your husband. He looked back at you and he nodded towards the door, “I’m sure she’ll be back in time for drinks, Mother.” He finished.

You felt a bit taken aback by your brother’s kindness, and furthermore his attention to detail, but you were thankful nonetheless, and you turned quickly on your heel and made your way into the crowd. You moved past your husband and Alina and you pushed through a crowd of people by the door who all gasped once they saw who was shoving them out of the way. Tears welled up in your eyes and you swallowed them back, forcing yourself to stay composed. You heard gasps and cheers and then applause behind you, but you didn’t look back. You kept pushing ahead. Your hands were shaking as you made it out of the crowd and you rushed down the hallway, holding your hand over your aching chest. You came to the grand staircase which was being watched by two royal guards, making sure no partygoers got upstairs. You gave them both a polite nod, and they gave you a respectful bow of the head as you passed by them.

You took the steps two at a time, rushing to get upstairs where no one could see you. Once you’d reached the landing at the top of the stairs, you bolted into a hallway just to your left and you leaned against the wall. You listened silently for anyone, and once you had deduced that no one was around, you slid down the wall, your shaking hand still clasped to your chest. You felt panicked and angry. You felt like your chest was going to collapse in on itself and you lowered your entire body to the floor, curling up into a makeshift ball, your dress not allowing you full range of motion.

You wanted to slam your head against the wall. How could you have been so stupid? Your husband didn’t love you. How could he? You were both pushed into a marriage that you didn’t want, both practically strangers to one another before then, too. Tears began to stream steadily out of your eyes and down onto the cool marble floor beneath your cheek. He’d lied to you. He made you feel important to him, he spent every day since you’d admitted you wanted his love, doting on you and making you feel like you’d finally had it. You thought you’d had it.

Of course he’d want Alina Starkov. Being with you had one selling point; a political advantage. A power grab. But being with Alina? They were both Grisha, you were not. They were each other’s balance. She was the light to his darkness, and you were… nothing. In fifty years, Alina wouldn’t have aged a moment, she’d still be as radiant as she was tonight, but in fifty years for you? You’d be growing old, you wouldn’t be able bodied any longer.

So of course your husband wouldn’t love you. You were a handful of decades of slight inconvenience and then he’d never have to deal with you again.

You weren’t sure how long you’d been lying there in the dark, empty hallway, but you had long since stopped crying. Your head ached horribly, your chest felt empty, and you couldn’t bear to drag yourself up off of the floor and down the corridor to your old bedroom, even though it was mere steps away from where you laid against the wall. You were certain that you looked absolutely pathetic there, curled up in a mess of fabric with tears stained cheeks and bright red eyes.

You felt heartbroken. Did you even have the right to feel that way? Your relationship with The Darkling had been tumultuous and was all over the place, never staying consistently one way for as long as it had been a thing. Could you even call it a relationship? Your head spun and you reached up to dry your eyes, your arms feeling stiff. The air around you seemed to be cold and it caused little goosebumps to break out all over your skin. Distantly, you heard voices calling out for you, but you ignored them and pushed yourself up off of the floor. You refused to allow anyone to see you in such a state. You’d been taught from a young age to always be composed in front of others, it was unbecoming of a princess to be a mess.

You shakily climbed to your feet, feeling another wave of tears building up behind your eyes and you walked tiredly into your old bedroom, slamming the door behind you. Everything inside was clean and crisp, just as you had left it many months ago. You collapsed onto the bed in the dark room and you stared up at the ceiling soundlessly, tears escaping the corners of your eyes. Odd, you thought. You’d been under the impression that you’d cried out all your tears.

The sounds of your name grew closer and closer, but you still ignored them, not wanting to be bothered. You wanted to be alone, you wanted to mourn, whatever this was, alone.

You didn’t have such luck, though. Footsteps stampeded through the hallway and your door was flung open.

“I’ve found her!” A voice called out, and you recognized it as one of your father’s personal guards.

“Y/n!” You heard your mother shriek as she pushed her way into the room. You turned your head and watched your father, your brother, three guards, and much to your dismay, your husband all flood into the room.

“Darling, are you hurt?” Your father asked and approached you, standing at the side of your bed.

Yes, you wanted to say, but you shook your head a few times and turned your head away from your father.

“Oh, my sweet child!” Your mother cried and rushed to your side, reaching down to wipe your cheeks dry with the backs of her hands, “Where on earth have you been? Someone has tried to kill the Sun Summoner, and we couldn’t find you, and we were so afraid-“

“Tatiana, we don’t need to frighten her. She’s safe.” Your father said, cutting your mother off. Your father turned and looked at your husband and he nodded at you once and you wanted to scream. Your husband slowly approached you as well and you wanted to jump off of the bed and throw yourself out the window to get away from him.

But you didn’t. Instead, you stared up at him disdainfully. Unshed tears seemed to sit in his eyes and he looked unusually out of sorts. Perhaps no one could tell as much, but you could. You’d spent almost everyday with the man for many, many months, and you couldn’t tell, he wasn’t at his most composed.

“You could have been killed.” He said in a harsh whisper, looking down upon you with a look of sadness.

You didn’t reply, you only closed your eyes and turned your head away from all of them. Maybe if you held your breath for a moment, they’d disappear. Maybe if you kept your eyes shut, you’d disappear into thin air. You wished you were invisible.

“I want to be alone. I’m sure-“

“Alone? Oh, no. No, no. Absolutely not, darling. You are to go back to the Little Palace with the General at once. You are not to be alone, not after the fright we’ve had tonight.” Your father said sternly.

You widened your eyes in anger and you readied yourself to argue, but before you could get a sound out of your mouth, your husband scooped you into his arms like a doll. You looked up at him scornfully and he avoided your eyes, looking up at your parents instead.

“I’ll keep her safe while we figure out what’s going on.” He promised and your parents nodded.

He finally looked down at you with that same, pained expression from earlier and he began to walk towards the door.

Vasily stepped in front of your husband just as he was going to walk out of the room and he looked The Darkling up and down.

“Vasily-“ you began, but you wouldn’t get the chance to finish, because your brother stepped aside and silenced you with a look. Your husband stared down at your brother as if to dare him to do something.

After a tense few seconds, your husband walked out into the hallway, away from your parents and brother, and down the stairs. Once he had reached the bottom of the stairs, you sniffled and placed your hands on his chest, pushing slightly.

“Put me down. Please.” You said hoarsely.

“Not a chance.” He replied drearily.

“Put me down, now. I don’t want you to touch me.”

“I need you to trust me. I don’t care what you want right now, but-“

“Trust you?” You bellowed, feeling a white hot surge of anger at his words and your husband shot you a deadly look. You glared up at him as he did and you shook your head, “I will never forgive you for this.” You hissed.

“I’ll live without your forgiveness. You could have been in danger tonight, you know. I was worried.” He scolded you, walking down into the courtyard with you in his arms. Once he reached the gravel road, he set you down on your feet and he stared down into your eyes, “If you had been hurt tonight… I don’t know what I would have done.”

“You would have gone on just fine by Alina’s side.”

“Y/n, you already know I don’t have feelings for Alina.” He groaned and grabbed you by your arms, “Open your eyes! I only have a place in my heart for you.” He insisted.

You jutted your chin up in the air and shook your head, “My eyes are wide open, and I don’t need to-“ you were cut off by the sight of Baghra, seemingly appearing out of nowhere next to the two of you.

“I heard about your Tracker.” She drawled, looking up at her son with the same stone cold eyes that you’d seen on your husband many times.

A pointed flash of controlled anger sparkled in your husband’s eyes and you rapidly looked between the two of them, unsure of what was going on in the conversation.

“Who?” Your husband asked, tone blank.

“The Tracker,” she repeated, “Yes, I know about him… and your little mission.” She deadpanned.

Your husband reached down and grabbed your wrist gently and moved you behind him, just as he did the last time Baghra had come around. She snorted humorlessly at the motion.

“What have you done with him?” Your husband asked in a low tone.

“Disposed of. Along with your hopes of locating the stag.” She countered back, a certain smugness hiding behind the collected tone she spoke in.

Your husband seemed amused and his jaw flexed before he spoke again, “I always have hope, Mother. Even you can’t kill that.”

“That isn’t hope. That’s greed.” She corrected, taking a step closer to both of you. You felt uneasy, and even more so when her eyes flickered to you and stayed on your face, “You would use Alina against the rest of the world, just as you planned to use this poor little girl.”

Your husband’s lip twitched downwards and he balled his fists up at his sides, “Mother, I’d beseech you to leave my wife out of this. As for Alina, she is the future, she is the one-“

“Yes!” Baghra quipped, a little smirk forming on her thin, wrinkled lips, “but where is she?”

“Careful.” Your husband snapped, stepping aside to block you from his mother’s view, “you don’t really matter anymore, either.”

“Careful? Me? I’m always careful, Aleksander.” She cooed, and your mouth fell open. Aleksander? Was that your husband’s name? You’d never known him by a first name, and perhaps that was on purpose. You’d only asked about it once, days after your marriage, and he simply told you that his name wasn’t important knowledge.

Baghra continued, breaking you out of your thoughts.

“Perhaps you should be careful. Princess Lantsov isn’t indestructible, you know.” She said in a high pitched, cocky whisper.

You felt a shiver run down your spine. Was she threatening you? You had never done anything to her, you’d never even had a proper conversation with the old woman.

“If you so much as threaten to put my wife in harm’s way,” he began, stepping closer to his mother, towering over her menacingly, “think about what I might do.”

You watched the two of them from over your husband’s shoulder and you took one step back before your husband turned around and he grabbed your wrist again, pulling you protectively against his side while he walked away from his mother.

“I’d wager you’d need a skilled tracker to find Alina now!” His mother called after him, but he kept walking with his hand around your wrist.

You could’ve sworn he was trembling, but you weren’t sure.

The two of you walked in silence back to your shared bedroom in the Little Palace, and he slammed the door behind the two of you, letting your wrist go once you were in the safety of your own quarters. You took a few steps away from him and you looked him up and down a few times, wrapping your arms around yourself.

“You don’t have to understand all of the reasons behind the things I do.” He said, taking a step towards you.

Your brain was reeling from the conversation he’d just had with his mother in front of you and you pressed your fingertips into your skin as he stepped closer to you.

You took one step back again.

“Stop.” You whispered.

“I need you to listen to me now.” He pressed, walking towards you now.

“Stop.” You pleaded, taking a few more steps back.

“You have to hear me out, Princess. This is life or death.” He insisted, taking another step closer.

You backed up until your back hit the wall and you shook your head violently.

“Stop, please.” You said and covered your ears, but he still approached you.

“Nothing is as it seems-“

“Aleksander, stop!” You cried, clutching your head in your hands.

The silence was thick between the two of you, and when you looked up at his face, he seemed surprised. He stopped moving towards you, stopped speaking, stopped moving all together. It seemed you had completely caught him off guard.

“Enough. Enough of this. This ends tonight. You will be honest with me- completely honest- and I will walk out of this palace and our marriage will be over. I am not negotiating, this is not up for discussion, I am telling you what you will do.” You commanded, leaning your head back against the wall exhaustedly.

He seemed to completely concede and he gave you one single nod, “What would you like to know?”

“Everything. You will tell me everything. Start at the beginning. Why did you want to marry me? What purpose could I possibly even serve for you?”

He didn’t respond right away. He took his time to think, to stare at your face longingly. Finally, he exhaled and he folded his arms over his chest.

“I wasn’t lying when I told you I wanted power. Marrying you means that if something were to happen to your brother, I’d be next in line to rule. Alongside you, of course. My plan was set in stone, until I made you cry in the hallway, the first day I was back with Alina. You looked so sad, so hurt by the words I’d said to you, and for the first time in a very long time, I felt guilty. Falling for you… came quickly after that. You were no longer just a means to get what I wanted. You were a girl. A beautiful, sweet girl, who only wanted to love and be loved in return, a girl that was completely innocent. You’d committed no crime, done no harm to warrant what I’d set out for. I didn’t lie when I said that you have enchanted me. I love you. I adore you. I am sick with adoration for you.” He confessed, falling to his knees before you.

You stared down at him and it took everything in you to not crumble to your own knees and beg him to take you in his arms. It took willpower you didn’t even know you had to stay standing against the wall.

“And what of Alina? What about her?” You asked, your voice wavering.

“Alina Starkov is power. Alina is…” he trailed off, collecting his thoughts before he started back up again, “My intentions with Alina are less than honorable. She is a rather large stepping stone towards the power I desire. But she is nothing more. When I told you I didn’t have feelings for her, I didn’t lie, y/n. How could I? She isn’t you.” He insisted, leaning forward on his knees.

“What of her wearing black then? You told me that you only wanted someone close to you to wear your color.” You demanded, hands on your hips.

“I needed her to trust me. That is all. I swear on my life, darling, that there is no room for her in my heart.” He pleaded. The look in his eyes was desperate and you let out a shaky sigh you hadn’t realized you’d been holding.

You knew by the way he spoke, the way his eyes were pleading with you, the way he had taken to his knees in front of you, that he was telling you the truth. There was no evasion, no stories. Just the truth. You very slowly sank to your knees in front of him and you grabbed his chin with your fingers.

“What was your mother going on about?” You asked, staring into his eyes.

This seemed much harder for him to answer by the look on his face. He reached up and grabbed your hand and pulled it away from his chin. He held your hand tightly in his and he let out a long sigh.

“I will explain this to you in time. But all you need to know right now is that my mother is intent on hurting anyone who dares take my side, one way or another. I have been presented with the opportunity to further my power, through the use of a very old, very powerful, practically mythical creature, and my mother is hellbent on taking that away from me.” He explained, holding your hand tighter.

“Why do you need more power, Aleksander?” You asked quietly, staring into his eyes seriously.

“So that I can build a perfect world for you and me.” He whispered, pulling you closer to him.

You hesitantly moved closer to your husband and then you stopped.

Though everything he said to you was likely the truth based on his demeanor, it still didn’t excuse it. Your bottom lip quivered and you sniffled back tears as you stared into his eyes. Your brain told you to get up and leave. It told you to walk out and never look back, and that’s what you wanted to do. That’s what you should do. But your heart ached in your chest at the sight of him and you found yourself shuffling forward to collapse against his chest.

He let out a quiet sound that could have passed as an exhale, but it sounded a bit too similar to a sob. His strong arms wound around your body and held you against his chest protectively, lovingly. He pressed his cheek against the top of your head and you gathered the lapels of his kefta in your fists, pulling yourself closer to him.

You felt weak, and you scolded yourself for not having the willpower to walk out of his room. You should have pulled away from him and done it anyway, but he held you so tenderly. You pressed your ear against his chest and could swear that you heard the faint thump of his heart. You felt safe in his embrace, comforted, too.

His hand slid up into your hair and he very gently ran his fingers through it, knowing fully how it relaxed you.

“Don’t leave me, darling. Please. You are all I have.” He whispered, pressing his lips against your temple, “All I need. I will protect you always, love you, always. Just stay with me.” He pleaded, voice gentle.

And once again, you found yourself conceding.

The day after the Winter Fete was overcast and grey. It was as if the party had summoned winter, because the air became much colder and much drier. The air was thick and full of tension in the Little Palace, and everyone was bustling about busily. Your husband had been among the busy. You sat in an armchair by your bed, reading-but-not-really-reading one of your husband’s books, tucked underneath a thick blanket.

Your husband had mentioned the day would be busy for him as you two laid in bed last night. So far from what you understood, someone had tried to kill Alina last night. Your husband had slipped out once you were asleep to interrogate the man who attempted to kill her. Furthermore, Alina had run off last night after being prompted to leave by Baghra, a Heartrender close to your husband, by the name of Nina, was missing, and so was the boy that had told your husband about the mythical animal he’d been hunting.

A knock sounded at your door, breaking the eerie silence around you, and you looked up from your book.

“Come in!” You called, tipping your head to the side.

Ivan, one of your husband’s closest confidants, opened the door and gave you a small, rare smile.

“Your Grace, The General wishes to see you in his office.” He said, bowing his head at you respectfully.

You tucked a piece of your hair back behind your ear and you smiled, “Alright. Thank you, Ivan.” You said softly and rose from the chair, setting the blanket on the bed. You placed the book down on the chair and looked up at Ivan who hadn’t left the room yet, “You may go, I’m sure you have much to attend to.” You said with a small smile.

Ivan shook his head and he gave you another smile, though it was a bit sympathetic this time, “My apologies, Princess, but your husband has requested that I escort you there. He’s a bit worried after last night.”

“Ivan,” you began with a soft laugh, “it’s only down the hall.”

He gave you an apologetic glance and then you sighed, nodding once, understanding that he was only following orders. You walked towards Ivan and he offered his arm to you, which you took with a quiet ‘thank you’. He led you out of your room and down the hall to Aleksander’s office, which was quite literally just six doors away. He pushed the door open without knocking and he pulled his arm away from yours.

You stepped inside of the office to see your husband sitting at his desk. He slowly turned his head to see who was at the door, and when he saw you, he looked relieved. A sweet smile crept up onto his face and he held his hand out for you, beckoning you closer. You returned his smile and made your way over to him, lifting the skirt of your dress up off of the floor. Once you reached his side, he grabbed your hand and lifted it to his lips. He pressed a kiss to your knuckles and then he slowly moved your hand away from his lips, gazing up at you contently.

“I’ve missed you.” He commented with a little sigh, “Sit.” He said and shifted a bit in his chair to give you space to sit on his thigh.

You sat down on his thigh and you wrapped both of your arms around his neck, peering down at the papers on his desk.

“Any word on… well, anything?” You asked, twisting the ends of his hair around your fingertips.

“Not so far… but we’re going to be assembling a group to go searching for her.” He replied and leaned close to you to press a soft kiss to your cheek, “I’d like you to come with me. I’m not leaving you here where my mother is. I don’t trust her, and I don’t think any guard could keep her in line should she… act out.” He explained, resting his forehead against the side of your face.

“Come with you? But what about my parents? Will they even allow it?” You asked, raising your eyebrows. You couldn’t imagine your mother being overly elated to have you leave Os Alta.

“By law, you are under my care as my wife. They don’t really have much say. Though, I’ll speak to them and explain that you’ll be safer with me given the attack at the party last night.” He hummed and pulled his head away from yours. He looked back down at the papers on his desk and you looked down at them as well. Maps and notes and letters were strewn messily across his desk and it was hard to tell what exactly he was looking at.

“Shall I pack?” You asked, eyeing a book that had a sketch of a large stag with an intricate set of antlers.

“No need, little love,” he answered, not looking up, “I’ve already had servants pack everything you will need to be away for some time.”

You laid your head down against his shoulder and you felt his arm slide around your waist, holding you close to him. You felt a bit uneasy as you eyed the maps on his desk. You’d never been out of Os Alta more than once in your entire life, and you had sure never been anywhere near The Fold. You almost shivered as your eyes fell upon The Fold on the map and you hoped that you wouldn’t have to get close to it on your travels with your husband.

“We won’t have to go near The Fold, will we?” You asked softly, still fiddling with his hair.

Aleksander sighed and he turned away from his work to look up at you, “Oh, my love, you don’t need to fear The Fold. Nothing can hurt you as long as I’m by your side.” He assured you.

Fear made your stomach turn and you lifted your head away from his shoulder, “So we are? We aren’t going through it, though? Right?” You asked.

“Well, when we find Alina, yes. We will be going through it.” He replied and you shook your head a few times.

“Aleksander-“

“My love,” he cut you off, placing his hand on the side of your face, “nothing will happen. You will be perfectly safe and taken care of. Please, don’t fret about this.” He whispered soothingly, leaning up to press a few reassuring kisses to the side of your face.

The thought of going through The Fold was terrifying. You’d been told from a young age that many times, people did not cross it safely. You bit your bottom lip and looked back at the map on his desk with the large black stain indicating The Fold.

“If we’re going through with Alina, she’ll tear it down, then, right? That’s the whole reason we need her?” You asked and then looked back at your husband.

He smoothed back your hair and he placed a little kiss on your nose, “You are worrying about things that don’t need to be worried about, darling. Everything will go according to plan.”

You still felt uneasy at the prospect of going through The Fold, but you laid your head back on Aleksander’s shoulder nonetheless.

“When are we leaving?” You asked softly and grabbed his hand in your own, playing with his fingers.

“In an hour.” He replied and moved up to press a quick kiss to your lips.

You hummed when he kissed you and slowly pulled back when he did, “So soon?” You asked, surprised.

“Well, yes. We need to get going before nightfall.” He replied and slid his fingers in between yours, “Why don’t we go get you dressed warmly, hm?” He suggested and you slid off of his lap, nodding once.

He rose from his chair and he neatly pushed it in, leaving the maps and other papers scattered across his desk. He had faint dark circles under his eyes and his hair was a bit out of place, he seemed tired. You gently grabbed his hand and frowned, looking up into his eyes.

“You seem so tired, Aleksander. Why don’t you sleep for a little while? Surely we can leave after you wake.” You pressed, though you doubted he’d agree. You turned out to be correct because he shook his head and gave you a small smile.

“We really need to get going, y/n.” He stated, tugging you towards the door.

You followed alongside him as he brought you back to your bedroom and he dropped your hand as soon as you were inside. He rushed to the wardrobe and opened it up, pulling out your long, thick coat and one of his heavy, fur-lined cloaks. You puffed out your cheeks almost exasperatedly and you made your way to your bed. You sat down on the edge of the bed and watched him as he compared coats, trying to figure out which one was warmer. Truthfully, the last thing you wanted to do was follow him around while he hunted down Alina and this animal, but you weren’t too sure how well that conversation would go over.

Finally, your husband had made a decision on which coat to put on you and he came and laid it next to you on the bed, giving you a soft smile as he did.

“Will you put on a warmer dress, darling? One of the heavier ones, please.” He requested, standing in front of you to cup your cheeks in his cold hands.

“This dress is plenty warm, especially if I will have a coat and your cloak on.” You replied and leaned into his hands. The cold, hard edges of your husband’s rings pressed into your cheek and you shivered slightly.

“Y/n. A warmer dress, please.” He replied, and you knew this wasn’t up for discussion.

He pulled away and you stood up, going over to the wardrobe with a little sigh. You dug through your wide array of dresses before you found one of your winter dresses and you pulled it out. You quickly changed out of your current dress and into the warmer one while your husband rummaged through one of your chests, presumably looking for gloves. When he found them, he walked towards you and he placed them gently in your hands.

“Put these on. And…” he paused and walked over to the bed and grabbed the coat, “this too.” He said and you let out a quiet sigh.

You put the gloves on, as well as the coat with a bit of help from him, and once you were buttoned up tightly inside of your coat, he stepped back and surveyed you for a moment. He nodded once, seemingly pleased with his work and then he began to put on his own cloak and gloves.

“Aleksander?” You asked in a tiny voice, looking over at your husband with a small frown.

He lifted his head and looked at you while he tied his cloak up, “Yes, little love?” He asked, raising his eyebrow curiously.

“I don’t want to leave home.” You said quietly, shuffling your feet almost awkwardly. The thought of Ravka outside of Os Alta was terrifying to you. Your parents had always told you that the war had taken its toll on the country and that the best place to be was the capital, the safest place, too.

He thought for a moment on how to respond to you, and you thought that he wasn’t going to reply at all, but he finally let out a very slow sigh and approached you, holding his arms open. You slowly stepped into his arms and he wrapped them around your waist, holding you close to his chest.

“I know you’re nervous, but you must understand, sweet girl, that I would never let anything happen to you. It’s simply out of the question. You will be the safest you’ve ever been with me, surrounded by other very gifted Grisha.” His voice was velvety and you suddenly felt very silly for your fears. He had a way of doing that- making you feel like he was the only answer to your questions, soothing your worries with sweet words and touches.

As you rested your head against his chest, he brought a hand up to hold the back of your head and you let out a very quiet sigh, your eyes falling shut. He held you for a while, unmoving, and you wondered if he had turned to marble for a moment. Finally, he let go of you and leaned down to press a kiss to your hairline.

“We should get going.” He murmured and took your hand.

You nodded once and squeezed his hand, disappointed to find that you were still nervous.

#grishaverse #shadow and bone imagine #shadow and bone #aleksander morozova imagine #aleksander morozova x reader #aleksander morozova #the darkling imagine #the darkling x you #the darkling imagine #the darkling #the darkling x reader #general kirigan imagine #general kirigan x reader #general kirigan #ben barnes x reader #ben barnes imagine

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corpsebasil · 11 months

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Quiet -> Nikolai Lantsov (maybe a series, let me know)

Summary: You’re mute, and Nikolai is extremely protective of his favorite Grisha.

You were alone, busy preparing for the Winter Fete, when they arrived.

“What’s up, Quiet?” One of the boys asked, approaching where you sat practicing your snow flurries on the ground, turning the bowl of water in front of you into snowflakes that danced around your head. You glanced up, seeing a shadow cover the bowl, and you raised your brows. “Busy doing…fun stuff?”

You nodded, staring, before resuming your work, hoping they would go away.

“Come on, say something.” He urged, and the boy and girl with him laughed. A red headed Heartrender boy to the main boy’s left, and a dark haired beauty that was Squaller to his right. You blushed and kept your eyes on the bowl, though your snowflakes faltered. “Are you deaf? I said something.” He kicked the bowl and you flinched, water spilling onto the ground.

Before it could soak the dirt you quickly tugged the water back up off the ground, guiding it with trembling hands into the bowl. The lead Grisha scoffed, his dark eyes fixed on you with disdain.

“Don’t you ever give up?” He asked, raising his brows as you tried to hide the pink on your face.

“This is why she’s not allowed on missions.” The ginger boy said, smirking. “She couldn’t communicate if she tried.”

I communicate. You signed, looking up now. Just not with you.

“What are those, witch symbols?” The first boy asked, and you huffed through your nose.

“Listen, sweetie,” the girl said, peering down at you with faux pity. “Maybe you should just…leave, you know? You’re taking up space in the Palace for other Grisha. You know, ones that can talk.”

“Honestly? I’m glad she can’t. She’s better off without—”

“What the fuck are you saying to her?” A male voice snapped, approaching from behind, and you tensed. All three Grisha’s eyes widened in horror, dropping into swift bows. “Hmm?”

“Sorry, Your Majesty.” The girl mumbled, blushing dark red. “We were just—checking up on Y/N.”

“You sure?” Nikolai asked, moving to stand next to you. He was king now, king of Ravka, and had the power to do anything to them. And they knew it. “Because I was listening. And it seemed like you were being cruel.” You looked sideways at his boots, refusing to glance up as he let out a mocking laugh. “She’s disabled. You all should be ashamed.” The Grisha stammered out quick apologies but Nikolai stopped them. “Get out of my sight.”

They left quickly and you stared at the ground, mortified that Nikolai had seen you like that. You scratched your arm and focused hard on the water, desperate to get back to your work and pretend the entire encounter hadn’t occurred.

“Y/N?” Nikolai asked, crouching beside you, and you looked over. Your heart immediately dropped into your stomach. “Are you okay? I’m sorry.”

You looked away, then back, meeting the blue eyes you’d long since fallen in love with. I’m fine. You signed. He was the only one save for a few at the palace that had deigned to learn sign language, and that was the first thing that’d made your heart ache for him. When he’d approached you one morning and told you your dress looked lovely, all using his hands, you’d blushed madly and ducked your head, unable to hide your smile. Thank you. I am fine.

You can be honest. He said, looking at you intently. Always, with me.

I know. You smiled hesitantly and turned back to your work, but he kept on, his voice soft and curious.

“Watcha working on?” He asked, settling onto the grass beside you, knee brushing yours. You made no attempt to move away, only blushed delicately before showing him.

You raised the water up out of the bowl, freezing the droplets and transforming them into snowflakes. You moved them in a circle around his head, watching as his eyes went wide with admiration.

“That’s amazing.” He breathed, and you smiled. Then you combined the flakes, turning them into a snowball, and tossed it at his head. He let out a cry and collapsed dramatically, hand on his heart as he groaned. You laughed silently, grinning as he gave you a wounded look. “You would hurt your best friend?” He asked, pouting, and if it was possible for your face to get redder, it did.

Best friend? You asked, and he smiled a dazzling grin.

“Of course. You’re my favorite.” He said, then watched as your expression fell a fraction. “What is it?”

You wanted to tell him. Wanted to open your mouth and say the words. Say that you cared about him, that you loved him, that you appreciated him more than anyone. But you couldn’t. So instead you just said, I’m out of water.

He rolled his eyes and sat up, reaching out to touch your hand with both of his own.

“Come on, you.” Nikolai said, tugging you to your feet. “I’m bored. Let’s go play cards so I can—”

“Your Majesty!” A guard called out, and you yanked your hand from his like it’d scalded you. Nikolai shot you a slightly wounded glance, then wiped his expression into one of neutrality. “You’re needed in the council-room.”

“Coming!” He called back, and turned to you; he was only a few inches away, his tall frame forcing you to tilt your face up to his, and you could smell the tantalizing scent of his cologne when he was this close. “You’ll be alright, yeah?” He asked, voice soft and gentle.

You nodded. Yeah. Go inside. You watched him, chest tight as his eyes softened, a sort of warmth to them you’d seen on rare occasion, but it never failed to make your heart race. Your lips parted involuntarily and his eyes darted to the movement, making you flush and back up a step. See you tonight. You signed quickly, not looking at him, before you picked up your bowl and headed to the lake.

“Y/N!” He called, and you glanced back. I’ll be your date? He offered, a friendly but hopeful smile on his face, and you nodded, a smile of your own painting your face.

That night, you didn’t see much of Nikolai after all. He was busy with politicians, with courtiers and Grisha, and especially, most importantly, the Shu princess that had travelled to the winter fete to see Nikolai.

You stood on the sidelines of the party, creating snowflakes that whirled around the ceiling in dazzling arcs. Sometimes you formed constellations, sometimes animals, and the guests gawked and gasped, smiling and laughing in approval. You wanted to dance, desperately, but you knew you had a role tonight. And your focus was locked on the princess and the King, speaking quietly to one another at their places on the dais.

She was beautiful. A place had been made for her on the dais, and to you, she already looked like a queen. She had complimented you earlier, admiring your work with the ice flurries, and it made it hard to be upset. But an hour later, when you were finally allowed to take a break, you turned to see Nikolai leaning over to whisper something to the princess, and her tinkling laugh filled the air.

Something in you ached. So badly you felt a knot in your throat, although you knew—had always known—that he’d marry royalty. You wounded yourself over and over with stupid fantasies and you and him, ones where you could speak and ones where he loved you back.

“Hey, Y/N!” A girl grabbed your arm and you jolted, turning to see Nina standing beside you. She could read you like a book, always had, and you kept your expression schooled. “Cute right?” She asked, nodding to the Shu princess and Nikolai. “Do you think they’ll get married? We could really use—” her voice trailed off as your heart sank into your stomach, your eyes trained on Nikolai’s smile. “Y/N?”

Tears filled your eyes as a chill ran down your spine. You turned to Nina, signing, I’m tired, sorry, before you left the great room, your shoulders slumped in defeat. You were halfway down the hallway before you heard footsteps racing after you and you froze at the sound of his voice.

“Y/N?” Nikolai asked, sounding slightly out of breath. He would’ve had to have sprinted all the way from the dais to catch you. “What is it?”

You signed without looking at him. Feeling sick. Need to lay down.

“Can I get you some water? Food or—“

I’m fine.

“I’ll get a medic. Just stay—”

Stop. You turned, fixing your stare on his, and you saw the surprise on his face at the tears in your eyes. Please leave me alone.

What’s wrong? Talk to me. He begged you, eyes pleading.

I cant. You attempted to joke, tapping your throat. Remember?

Not funny. His eyebrows furrowed, and he stepped forward, tentatively brushing a thumb over your cheek where a tear had slipped. Tell me, sweetheart.

You looked down, trembling slightly as you hugged yourself with your arms, but Nikolai wouldn’t take the hint. He wrapped his arms around you, his hand holding your head as he tucked you against his chest. He shook in his arms, pressing your wet face to his chest as he ran his hand over your hair, whispering reassurances to you.

“Baby, baby. Please don’t cry.” He urged, his own voice tight as he rested his chin on top of your head. Your heart broke at the pet name and you pushed at his chest, only for his arms to tighten. “Hey, hey.” He murmured, pulling back to hold your face in his hands. His thumbs brushed both of your cheeks as your mouth wobbled. “Baby, no. Talk to me.”

You were with— you started moving your hands, then clenched them into fists, shaking your head. Nikolai realized who you meant in an instant, a bolt of shock running through him as his hands slipped to your neck, then back around your waist as he pulled you into him again.

“I’m not with her.” He told you softly against your ear, making you shiver. “I don’t love her. I don’t even like her that much—she’s nice, but I’m being polite right now, Y/N.” He pulled back to look down at you, his eyes so sincere and soft it hurt you deeply. “You know I care about you, right?” He asked, brows furrowing. “You. No one else.”

I cant even talk to you— You started, but he cut you off.

“No. None of that. We talk just fine.”

But—

“Y/N.” He groaned, dropping his forehead down onto yours. “Please, baby. Don’t make this hard for us.”

‘Us’, you thought, slightly confused, until he lifted your chin with a hand and looked down at you.

“Don’t overthink this.” He murmured, and pressed his mouth to yours.

It was the softest kiss of your life, so full of love and care for you that tears filled your eyes again. And when he pulled away, glancing down at your ruined expression, his own eyes felt wet.

“I have to go back for appearances.” He told you, kissing the top of your head, then your brow. “But then I’ll come to your rooms, alright?” He smiled softly, blinking rapidly up at the ceiling as he took a deep breath. “Find us something to do? Start the fireplace for us? It’ll only be thirty more minutes and then I can excuse myself.”

You nodded, peering up at him with such admiration it made his chest tighten.

“Thank you.” He said quietly, and dropped a quick kiss on your mouth before he turned back to the party, leaving you winded.

someone requested this concept but I don’t remember where the ask went so here it is!! please comment and send me more asks!

Part two

#shadow and bone #nikolai lantsov #nikolai lantsov x reader #wattpad #nikolai x reader #shadow and bone imagine #fluff

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savethegrishaverse · 2 months

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Hey Grishaverse! We know that one of the closest things to a ball or formal celebration in Ravka is the Winter Fete. Why not reblog with what you would wear if you were invited to the Fete - a beautiful chance to get dressed up!

(shoutout to our sister fandom Lockwood & Co. for the idea!)

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marvelmusing · 1 year

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In Another Life

Masterlist

Pairing: Aleksander Morozova x Alternate Universe!Reader

Summary: When the making at the heart of the world steals you from your own universe and drops you into the fictional country of Ravka you’re thoroughly bewildered. But this is an opportunity for you to right every wrong - and hopefully save one life in particular.

Word Count: 60.5K - COMPLETED

My Masterlist • Series Playlist

Read on AO3 HERE

Part One

One moment you’re going about your usual day, the next you’re in Ravka - the fictional country in a fictional universe. When you realise that the story you know by heart hasn’t even begun, there’s only one person you can think of going to.

Part Two

After a restless night of sleep, you wake with too many thoughts in your mind. The contents of the General’s war table provide an ample distraction, and soon the man himself joins you.

Part Three

You and Aleksander journey to Kribirsk, where everything starts to become real for you, as your plan is finally set in motion.

Part Four

Accompanied by your new recruits, you and Aleksander return to the Little Palace, and soon settle into a comfortable routine. But nothing ever stays the same for long.

Part Five

Alina is presented to the king as the sun summoner, and from that point onwards you and Aleksander become increasing busy - and apart.

Part Six

An unexpected visitor arrives with some good news, and Aleksander makes a earth-shattering discovery.

Bonus Scene

As your first interaction with Baghra occurs, a wounded Aleksander returns from a mission, and you have no chance to ponder over her opinion of you.

Part Seven

The search for the stag takes your group north into Fjerda, but it’s after you return to Os Alta that a surprising event occurs.

Part Eight

The Winter Fete goes smoothly, a perfect evening followed by a foiled assassination. A few days later, you and Aleksander journey into the Fold.

Part Nine

After a dramatic arrival into West Ravka, your group travels to Os Kervo, and you recruit a pirate privateer to join you in the search for the sea whip.

Part Ten

The hunt for the sea whip has begun, but a number of obstacles stand in your way, demanding more from you than you ever thought possible.

Part Eleven

Your near death experience has taken a toll on you, which forces Aleksander to come to a realisation.

Part Twelve

A successful return to Ravka prompts you to share warnings of the future with Aleksander, and a new (but not unfamiliar) character invites himself into your schemes.

Part Thirteen

Slowly the pieces of your plan for the Fold come into place, but thoughts and fears of the future continue to haunt you.

Part Fourteen

Ravka’s seat of power changes, and Aleksander makes a discovery that sends you both north in search of his sister.

Part Fifteen

As Alina is about to bring down the Fold, Aleksander suggests a theory that lifts your hopes.

Part Sixteen

Together, you and Aleksander journey to the monastery of Sankt Feliks. To mend the tear at the making, a sacrifice from one of you is required.

Part Seventeen

With the remains of the Fold vanquished, the people celebrate. Together, you and Aleksander work to establish peace in Ravka and a safe haven for your Grisha.

Bonus Scene

Alternate Ending

Until I Found You - IAL (Aleksander’s Version)

Aleksander isn’t expecting to find love in this lifetime, that is until you arrive. - A collection of scenes from In Another Life from Aleksander’s perspective, as well as a bonus scene.

Post-In Another Life

Future Uncertainty

Lingering insecurities rear their head now that everything has been resolved, and Aleksander encourages you to share your fears. (set mid-part seventeen)

The General’s Crown

In an attempt to escape the attention of being a living saint, you retreat into the fields and create flowers for the local children. It isn’t long before your husband finds you.

Christmas Eve

Its your second Christmas in Ravka, your first with the country at peace and Aleksander as your husband. Together, you have the perfect Christmas Eve.

The New Year

It’s New Years Eve, and the first time you’re celebrating with Aleksander as your husband.

What the Future Holds

Immortality suits you well, and your new life with Aleksander is better than you ever could have imagined.

#in another life au #aleksander morozova #aleksander morozova x reader #the darkling #the darkling x reader #the darkling au #shadow and bone au #shadow and bone x reader #shadow and bone

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drinix · 2 months

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A Vow for Eternity

03 - Do I wanna know?

General Kirigan X reader

Part 02

Warnings: None at all. This series encompass mainly romance, fluff, angst.

Summary: A Princess embroiled in an arranged betrothal to the most feared General Aleksander Kirigan, the leader of the Second Army in Ravka. Would this be a mere political alliance or something more than it meets the eye?

Happy Reading!!

Bonus:

“It’s better than being engaged to a Prince in Fjearda, a Duke in Shu-Han or a politician in Ketterdam” You sighed as Genya styled your hair into loose curls. “At least I get to stay in Ravka, in the premises of the Grand Palace”

Genya smiled as she ran her fingers through your hair making sure not to make it messy. You had been requested to attend a dinner party hosted by the Queen and coincidentally the General was invited too. Almost a week had elapsed since your taxing first encounter at the Winter Fete and not once did he visit you since then, except sending Genya to attend to your needs and keeping two of his soldiers at your door.

Your father had left for Ketterdam again due to certain commitments related to diplomatic affairs so you were left in the Grand Palace with no one to talk to except Genya as your cousins were mostly tied down by horse races in Caryeva or engrossed in building ships and purchasing state of the art weapons to fight the many wars that the country was enmeshed in. The absence of their company led to you and Genya becoming friends in no time.

“Don’t stress too much about the dinner, princess.” Genya said, as she added final touches to your face. “Will the King take part in it too?”

“Most probably, yes. He is the one who set this up after all. I have no idea how long this dinner will go on” You heard Genya sighing as you said it. You weren’t sure whether it was a sigh of despair or relief. It sounded more like the latter.

“Is everything all right, Genya?” You turned towards her, reaching out for her hand. “You can tell me anything, you know” Genya looked at you in the corner of her eyes. “Nothing y/n. I’m more than fine” Yeah you could see that. Genya has been acting weirdly whenever you mentioned the King.

“You are most gorgeous today, y/n” Genya diverted the topic. “General Kirigan won’t be able to take his eyes off you” She giggled before mimicking General Kirigan’s deep voice. “You look lovely my y/n”

You scoffed at how she poised exactly like him, commanding the attention of the entire world to him. “He will be taunted at the thought of sitting next to me, so will I. Besides, I assume he has more significant concerns that need his attention than me” Everyone was buzzing about how the Sun Summoner trailed behind everywhere General Kirigan went. Clearly Alina was not fond of your betrothal to the General. You tried to shrug off the thought of Alina being General’s significant other. No need for you to worry about it anyway.

As you made your way towards the dining hall, a familiar figure in the black kefta was standing in the hallway turning his back to you.

“Princess, I have been waiting for you.” His voice resounded through the passageway as he turned back to face you. His attention in the blink of an eye turned to your dress.

You felt as if your throat throbbed with a hard swallow as his unfaltering gaze trailed down from your face over to where your black silky dress embraced your hips, the scrutiny was almost obscene and erotic like the physical touch of a lover who wouldn’t step back without mapping every inch of your body with his attention.

You wished you had worn something else instead of the black dress Genya chose for you. Something simple enough not to intrigue his attention taking in every detail of you. All your life, you were the one who saw through the people who often left unnoticed. For once, you wanted to be noticed by someone, immersing in every intricate trifle about you. And he noticed you. He looked at you in the way every woman wanted to be looked at.

“I thought you’d be busy with work to attend the dinner” You already knew about his hectic work schedule and how duty conscious he is.

“This is a part of my work too moya tsarevna” He muttered, whilst shooting a glance towards the dining hall.

“Isn’t it tiresome to work day and night and not having a moment for yourself ? Or is it a luxury that you cannot afford?”

“If I had chosen to indulge in luxuries of life then the Grisha won’t be recognized as they are today without having to run away from being persecuted” That glare of him could pierce through the thin ice that you were in. “Are you always so keen to be annoying ?”

“Sorry I didn’t mean to” You had ruffled his black wispy feathers and secretly enjoyed every moment of it. “I’m famished. Shall we?” Continuing to bicker with each other was not the best of ideas, specially when you were in a place where everyone kept an eagle eye on your every move.

You said, gesturing towards to the hall. He nodded, offering you his arm. You looked up at him with a doubtful expression.

“Hold my hand princess, otherwise they would get the wrong impression.” He said, stepping closer to you.

“Which is?” You entwined your hand with his.

“That we have become two nemeses who are always at each other’s throats” You were so close to each other that the tufts of your tousled hair were touching his face as it billowed in the wind, while you two walked into the hall. He didn’t seem to mind it.

“Isn’t it the truth though? You just made it obvious that you can’t stand me” You whispered under breath as you saw the King and the Queen at the table.

“Did I?” His deep yet softened words tingled in your ear, sending a spike of chill down your spine.

“We thought of making this rather an intimate dinner” The queen interrupted your conversation. “It’s been some time since all of us sat together for dinner. Now that we have a new member in the family, this is the perfect time”

A table lied in the hall filled with sumptuous food with just the King, Queen, Vasily, Nikolai, you and of course your Black General. Vasily was the Commander of the First Army sitting at the same table as the General Kirigan, the Leader of the Second Army. The tension was so thick that it could be cut with a knife. Vasily’s disparaging stances of Grisha were no secret to anyone in the palace.

“I agreed to this dinner because of you, y/n. Not that I’d enjoy this dinner specially in the presence of our esteemed General Kirigan.” He gestured the butler to pour wine to his glass.

“Likewise, moi tsarevich” General Kirigan seethed, casually gulping his Kvas. “We both have a common reason for being here” He laced his fingers in yours delicately which left you surprised with incredulity.

“Ah….I almost forgot to send my congratulations your way, y/n, on your rather quaint betrothal.” Vasily sneered at you without batting an eye to the stern glance of his father. He heaved a deep sigh before opening his mouth to speak what he was going to say next. “Or should I say my condolences?”

You felt the General’s harsh squeeze on your hand as his darkly obsidian eyes were locked on Vasily with seething rage which could tear him into pieces. His clenched jaw and throbbing veins in his neck denoted how enraged he was at the preposterous remark of your cousin.

As his dark wisps of shadows engulfed the room, you put your hand over his, gently stroking his fingers while casting a soft glance in his eyes. As his eyes met with yours, his boiling rage subsided as the darkness that encompassed the room gradually disappeared.

It was an impulsive gesture which left you in a dilemma as to why you were compelled to do it in the first place. Maybe you wanted to evade a brawl between the two of them.

“We are quite happy to be in this union, Vasily” You lied downright.

“Indeed” General Kirigan affirmed, smiling gently at you. “Sometimes when I look at her I wonder, how I got so lucky” You were not certain whether he actually meant that or it was another sarcasm of his to get under your skin.

“Congratulations to you, on behalf of all of us” The King finally opened his mouth. The mastermind behind the tumult of a betrothal that you were enmeshed in.

“Public announcements have been already made and what is left for us to do is planning the wedding” The Queen beamed with excitement. Of course, she was so thrilled about your wedding as throwing banquets, tea parties, and many celebrations for the most trivial reasons were one of her best forte.

Your lips twitched in surprise as you didn’t expect the table to turn this way.

“Right now?” You muttered. “Isn’t it too early for such celebrations?”

“I don’t think it would be a sensible idea to rush into things as of yet, moya tsaritsa” General Kirigan cut in. “I’m rather occupied with my duties at the Little Palace, with the arrival of the Sun Summoner.” The latter part of his response made your eyes roll. His subdued yet authoritative tone made the Queen drew back her propositions. “Perhaps, Princess y/n may need some time getting used to her life in the palace”. You nodded in agreement. There was nothing new for you to get used to except General Kirigan, yet you nodded your head so hard that made Nikolai almost cackle.

“In your own pace then, General Kirigan” She said, diffidently.

You summoned a smile, casting a sideway glance at the General, quite elated that he played along with you.

“Please enjoy the food, otherwise it will get cold” The last thing the King wanted to see was the alliance he set up so tactically to fall apart because his eldest couldn’t keep his mouth shut or his wife couldn’t stop meddling with it. Nikolai was notably silent. You knew he was never fond of being in the presence of Vasily. No one was actually.

After that awkwardly intolerable dinner which engendered almost a brawl between Vasily and General Kirigan, the General offered to walk you to your room.

“That dinner was the worst dinner I’ve ever had in my life” He didn’t look so fussy about it though.

“Now we’re talking” You teased, looking at him.

“It was terrible, even I agree”

It was a respite that you two at least had something to agree upon.

“We make a really good team, considering all the drama at the dinner today” He looked back at you.

“You have such exceptional acting skills, General. I’ll give you that” You chuckled.

“I just stated the truth, Princess. I didn’t pretend to have something that does not exist ”

“I lied about us”

“I didn’t” He said. As he stressed those words, a wave of confusion wafted over you.

You paused walking for a while at the arched long windows of the corridor. The moon glistened in the sky, with sparkling constellations surrounding it. You stared at the sky in awe of its beauty. You never really got the chance watch the stars which was one of the hobbies that you loved, since you came back to the palace.

“Do you like watching the stars, princess” He asked as he leaned against the window, next to you.

“Yes. They are so beautiful” A radiant smiled adorned your lips as your eyes were riveted in the stars.

“Captivating” He whispered, facing you.

You flicked your gaze back to him. “The stars, you mean?”

“No, I mean you” There he was, looking at you like there was something worth looking at. His expression was serious. But you liked how it softened slightly when he looked at you. His lips never moved yet his eyes communicated and spoke louder than any of his actions.

You felt your cheeks flushing as you looked down averting his gaze. It was the first time that someone ever said something like that to you; someone that you wanted to be complimented by.

“Thank you, I guess” You blurted out. “I know this betrothal is difficult for you as much as it’s to me. But I don’t want you to hate me or pretend to like me. It’ll only make things more aggravating”

“Does this look like I’m pretending to like you, princess?” Maybe, yes. Given your aristocratic status, you were often in the company of people with plastered smiles on the faces, insipid conversations and a plethora of deceptive pretenses of how delighted they were to be in your presence. Given how he treated you at the Winter Fete, maybe a hard yes.

“I cannot deny that you can be a little irksome sometimes. But we can work it out” He smirked.

“You are exasperating, General. In case, if you haven’t noticed.” A cheeky smile settled on your face. “Parading in your fur cloaks as if you are some prima donna”

His chestnut eyes traced down from your eyes, to your nose tip to every inch of your lips. “I do know how to look the part”

Indeed he knew, in every sense of the word.

There were men. Generally handsome men. Then there was General Kirigan.

“Princess” It made you come back to reality from your distraction in a flash. “If you wouldn’t mind, would you like to go horseback riding with me, tomorrow morning? I got to know that you’re so fond of horse riding” You felt his hand tangled in your hand as his fingers lightly brushed against your skin, sending an electrifying sensation through your core.

How the heck did he come to know that?

“Since when have you started to care about things I like?” You replied with another question without moving your hand back this time.

“I’m not your enemy” He said. “There are certain things that I want us to come to terms and this is one of them.”

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