#you're not the only one we're trying to keep safe we're also protecting ourselves and our privacy with that | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

natasha-in-space · 10 months

Note

so we got the RFA as little fairytale things-- what about Saeran? any/all versions of him are good!

Oh, I'm always giddy to talk about Saeran! What's funny is that with him, I ended up choosing mostly mythical creatures. Maybe it's because I dived headfirst into my childhood obsession with all kinds of fantasy beings as I worked on the RFA? Well, either way, it was fun to ponder over these!

Ray

A siren. That's mostly because of the role he plays in the game. Ray is the one that lures you into Mint Eye with sweet promises of endless entertainment and happiness. You don't see his face up until the moment when it's too late to turn back, be it by you agreeing to come to him willingly, or him taking you as his assistant whether you want it or not. It's his voice that you hear. Guiding you. Reassuring you. Mesmerizing you. It's his voice that you trust your heart to. I can't help but associate that with a siren. And, oh, it is such an interesting concept for Ray. Can you imagine? A siren that falls in love with a human but doesn't believe that the one they love can ever return their feelings? That's why he relies on his hypnotic voice so much. Deep inside, he's scared. He's scared you're going to leave if he doesn't keep you nice and safe right by his side. But, you prove his fears wrong. Be it by you never actually submitting to his song in the first place, or you eventually finding a way to escape its mesmerizing call, you come to cherish him as he is. Or... you could imagine yourself forever trapped in his soothing voice that dulls all of your thoughts, however intense they may be. The choice is yours.

Suit Saeran

A vampire. Aside from me having a major soft spot for vampires, there are a few reasons why I would pick a vampire specifically for Suit from all the others. While vampires had countless differing portrayals throughout the years, they often symbolize a darker part of ourselves that we're trying to hide away. Vampires are also creatures of death. They come to life only after the person unfortunate enough to get turned had died, leaving their previous mortal life behind. Isn't that rather reminiscent of the way Suit views his awakening during the game? He sees himself as a monster... a creature that brings nothing but dread and destruction, especially when it comes to anything that Ray once held dear. We know that's not truly what he wants. But, it's what he has to do to survive. Just like vampires do. And yet, vampires can also symbolize defiance and rebellion. They are creatures that are often hunted and are instructed to be killed on sight, and this part of their existence does get explored sometimes, which I love. It's them against the world when all they do is try to survive. Saeran's choice to stand up for what's right and protect both you and Ray is a perfect act of rebellion against the environment that kept you caged up until this moment. I actually have a drabble with vampire Suit and my cmc you can check out here!

GE Saeran

A hippogriff. A hippogriff is a mythical creature that is half-eagle and half-horse. There's a purely symbolic reason behind my choice of this particular creature for GE Saeran. See, the birth of a hippogriff by itself is a miracle. It's a creature born out of love between a griffin and a horse, something that shouldn't be possible in any way since they are considered enemies. It's a representative of two opposing forces merging together to create something beautiful and grand against all odds. I can't help but compare it to how Ray and Suit joined forces once they both knew what was the right thing to do. And out of this mutual agreement, Saeran as we know him was born. Hippogriffs can also symbolize a strong sense of love, which plays a big part in GE Saeran's journey. Not just his love for you, but his love towards himself, his brother, and other people around him. I guess you could say that Saeran's birth was a miracle that symbolized a promise of happiness. A new journey of self-discovery that will last a lifetime.

VAE Ray

A winter fae. There are many, and I mean many differing interpretations of fayes throughout all kinds of stories, but for this instance specifically, I'm talking about winter fayes that are born from the shared suffering of mortals in our realm. Winter fayes are very sensitive creatures, in the sense that they can literally feel the pain that others are going through. Especially powerful winter fayes can even feel the suffering of living creatures throughout different realms. That being said, it's not all doom and gloom for them. Winter fayes are not explicitly unhappy with their ordeal, and they are very compassionate and kindhearted towards anyone who stumbles into their court on accident. It's all about balance. Without sadness, there would be no happiness. I just think that really resonated with both VAE Ray and Saeran in different ways. They both went through hell, and their scars will never completely fade away, both physical and mental. But, they learn how to live with them. They learn to open their tired hearts to others, even if they do that at their own pace. There's a melancholic beauty to that.

Unknown

Cerberus. There's something about Unknown being a vicious and unforgiving yet eternally loyal creature who will do anything that he's ordered to do without a second thought that resonates with me. Or, maybe it's the demon/angel au I have cooked up and his role in it. Either way, I can't help but think of Cerberus when I get to Unknown. What's especially intriguing is that Cerberus's ferociousness is rarely shown on full display. Cerberus is loyal, diligent, and observant. He doesn't have to do anything drastic for you to start trembling from fear in his presence. He's terrifying in a way that you don't really want to find out why he's so terrifying. The reason why Unknown is impossible to have a route with is that he's simply too far gone at that point. He doesn't care about anything but his duty and his revenge. You won't be able to sway him like you can with Ray. Unknown is a loyal guard dog, much like Cerberus. And, in a way, he's Rika's loyal lapdog, completely blind to the way his loyalty is disregarded time and time again.

SE Saeran

A chimera. Chimeras are the embodiment of conflicting and contradictory emotions merging to create something completely different and unnatural. But, in contrast with hippogriffs, chimeras are not born out of love between two creatures, and they do not inspire the same awe. Chimeras are often described as foul and ferocious beings, playing the role of the obstacle for the hero to beat. It's a creature of chaos and conflict. And while it can be viewed in an antagonistic way, I can't help but think that SE Saeran would find a sense of kinship in that. He is always at war with himself. He says one thing but thinks completely another. He thinks that he knows what he wants, but changes his mind at the drop of the hat. His heart and his mind are rarely in synk. He is a mess of conflicting thoughts and emotions, and he has to learn how to navigate that. Not to mention that he views himself as a disgusting monster. In a way, he would find comfort in chimeras.

#mystic messenger #mysmes #mysme #mm #saeran choi #ray choi #suit saeran #ge saeran #vae ray #vae saeran #unknown choi #mystic messenger unknown #se saeran

7 notes · View notes

kontagiousobsessions · 2 years

Text

How to Avoid Self-Betrayal and the Trauma Response of Anger

There’s an easy way to recognize when you’re holding back, staying quiet, or agreeing to keep the peace because of self-betrayal. Your body will tell you: maybe it’s your shoulders that are tensing and feeling tight, or maybe you feel restless, anxious, worried, or depressed, or maybe you just don’t feel good in your skin no matter what you do or where you go or who you’re with.

What is self-betrayal?

When we hold back from speaking our truth, stay quiet to avoid conflict, or agree to things we don't really want to do, we are betraying ourselves. This is a form of self-protection that often stems from past trauma. We think that if we keep the peace, we will be safe. But what ends up happening is that we internalize our anger, which can lead to resentment and burnout. The key to not falling into this trap is by practicing self-compassion. Learning how to be kind to yourself when you make mistakes, forgive yourself for anything you've done in the past that may have been wrong, and have empathy for where you're at in your life now. It's also important to take care of yourself through exercise, healthy eating, meditation, mindfulness practices and engaging with others. These tools help us deal with whatever stressors come our way so we don't get overwhelmed. With self-compassion, we're able to confront difficult situations with courage and honesty. The more we speak our truth, the less power it has over us.

Give Yourself Permission to Speak Up

It's natural to want to avoid conflict, but when you do so at the expense of your own needs, it can lead to resentment and burnout. If you find yourself in a situation where you're holding back, try giving yourself permission to speak up. This doesn't mean being aggressive or starting an argument, but simply asserting your needs in a calm and respectful way. Practice speaking out loud by first acknowledging how you feel: I'm feeling really frustrated right now. Then say what would make you feel better: I would like for this conversation to be over. Remember that if others aren't willing to listen, they are not respecting your feelings. The only person who should have control over your voice is you. You deserve to get heard. So keep talking until someone listens - even if it means walking away from a conversation that feels unproductive. One thing people often don't realize is that staying silent can be just as traumatic as staying in a violent relationship. Letting anger go unresolved creates inner turmoil and stress which often leads to depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, drug addiction, eating disorders, social withdrawal and other forms of dysfunction. No one deserves to live with these burdens or experience those consequences. Take charge of your life by getting angry constructively - not destructively!

5 Strategies For Keeping Your Cool in An Argument

1. Don't try to win every argument.

2. Understand that people are different and that's okay.

3. Don't take things personally.

4. Communicate calmly and honestly.

5. Be willing to compromise.

What would it look like if you could just say No, I don't want to do this or I'm not comfortable with this? What would be possible? To maintain control over your choices, you have to know what those choices are. Know what is best for you and what compromises work for you in any given situation. It might seem impossible at first but as time goes on we get more practice and then a pattern starts to emerge from all of our interactions with other people and eventually we'll be able to anticipate which responses will work for us in future arguments.

3 notes · View notes

wentworthokcvester · 2 years

Text

Certain Things To Keep In Mind Prior To Blonde-Coloring, Bleaching Or Coloring Your Hair

It's terrifying enough to dye your hair. But bleaching your hair in the salon or at home is even more terrifying. do it yourself. To make the journey easier for you, we offer you some helpful tips and pieces of advice that to consider prior to bleaching or dyeing it blonde.

Check first if bleaching is necessary. A variety of dyeing jobs including those that use darker burgundy and brown hues can be done on black hair without bleaching. It's not worth putting your hair through the hassle of stripping the hair of the pigment it will give back to the follicles. Therefore, bleach your hair only if you desire a vibrant pink, blue, or green or any other intense color that pops.

Beware of the roots To keep your scalp and hair follicles safe, do not let bleach get into your scalp. It is recommended to bleach the entire length of your hair, leaving your scalp at the beginning of each hair strand. This will ensure that your roots are secure and that the hair isn't falling off the root. You can also dye your tips or ends to aid in cutting off hair that is damaged.

Do it when your hair's a little oily and dirty Did you be aware that bleaching freshly shampooed hair is a no-no. It's crucial to make sure that you don't bleach your clean hair. Your hair isn't equipped with essential oils that protect it from the harshness of bleaching without being damaged. askingasking2expert to wash your hair before bleaching isn't necessary because bleach is soapy by nature.

Instead of trying to reach platinum in one go, keep a gap between every bleaching session The excessive use of bleach could cause hair to split and burn. If you bleach your hair in one go and go from raven to platinum blonde, it can make it worse.

We suggest waiting at least seven days between bleaching sessions in order to allow your hair time to heal.

Deep-condition your hair between bleach sessions. If you're dyeing your hair, please avoid washing it frequently. We're not saying this because it helps preserve colour, but because washing damaged hair -- and the fact that bleached hair is damaged in a significant way--is the cause of further damage and stripping.

It is recommended to condition your hair as deeply as you can between bleach sessions to protect and nourish hair. You don't need to do this daily but you can condition it and keep it moisturized, even if your hair appears somewhat dirty.

Try soap-capping as an alternative to bleaching Soap capping can be used to lighten hair gradually and is more gentle than bleaching. There are two ways to achieve this. The first involves bleach, hair colour developer shampoo, and conditioner. The second, although gentler, uses baking soda, hair colour developer shampoo, conditioner, and baking soda. We recommend a few sessions of the latter and we have tested it on ourselves.

To protect your hair post-bleach Keep an oil or serum in your bag Before bleaching hair, keep post-bleach hair products to take care of your hair. One of these items, which virgin hair rarely requires, but bleached hair drinks up is a serum for hair. An oil serum is the kind of serum that you should look for. It is a source of oil. These serums are lighter and more pliable than oils however they nourish your newly-bleached locks better than other serums.

#asking2expert

0 notes

oflgtfol · 3 years

Text

i know the nuclear waste storage thing proliferated throughout tumblr but the conversations around it never really like, properly addressed WHY i personally find it so profound and meaningful lol

it’s just. the reason it’s written like that is because this is for long-term storage. not 100 years. not 200 years. literally tens of thousands of years, to the point where the commonly recognized symbols and languages of modern day will very likely not even exist anymore. we all know what a nuclear warning symbol looks like nowadays, but we have absolutely zero guarantee that the people of the year 20,000 will be able to recognize what it means and the danger it presents. we have no idea the what kind of scientific background they will have, if they will even know what nuclear waste IS - whether that's because science has degraded over time, or because it advanced so much that nuclear waste became obsolete, or whether they know what it is but have an entirely different understanding of it than we do nowadays, etc etc.

the report about this states that the best course of action is to continuously reaffirm our current methods. make sure that our current symbols remain in public conscience, continuously educate about this, continuously update current text warnings with language as it evolves over time. that is the best case scenario.

but science is not science unless you account for all cases - especially the worst case. so how do you communicate with a group of people that you have no shared language, no shared knowledge of warning symbols, no shared scientific knowledge with?

the text warning above is only one part of the general plan to warn away from storage sites. it also includes hostile architecture as a way to physically block people from reaching the storage site, as well as a visual symbol of you're not welcome here as a warning. there are also pictographic depictions of people's faces scrunched up in disgust, fear, anger, under the assumption that emotions and facial expressions will be a unifying factor where all other forms of communication fail. in a way, this text warning is the very last resort for keeping people away.

it's written in this utterly strange way that sounds nothing like the way people actually speak. but it's written like this because it's supposed to be easily translatable, both in the literal words and also in the general concepts, in order to account for linguistic changes over time as well as possible changes in scientific and cultural knowledge.

instead of saying "there is nuclear waste here. leave" it instead calls it some sort of "emanation of energy" and it describes the general geographic area using words like "center" and "below." these are easily translatable phrases. they may not have the words or even the concept of nuclear waste, but "emanation of energy" is probably the easiest description of radiation without getting into the jargony, untranslatable science of it. if this future people is aware of nuclear radiation, then it's enough to extrapolate what exactly we're talking about here, and if they aren't aware of nuclear radiation, then it's still enough to understand that there is something intangible, invisible, and dangerous. and the warning cannot describe where exactly the waste is located using modern terms, but "center" and "below" are pretty universal concepts that have existed long before us, and will presumably persist long after us.

but what i really want to pinpoint is how they focus on the harm it causes. they describe it as an emanation of energy but they don't call it "the energy." they call it the danger, and they say "The danger is to the body, and it can kill." body, kill, danger, these are all concepts that transcend time period. people have always had words for these concepts, and they are intimately understood regardless of when you are. above all else, these words can be translated, and they are the most important words in this entire message because of that.

we have no idea if humanity as a race will even exist on these time scales. every day it feels like we’re inching closer to our own demise. and so often when anyone talks about the future even 50 years from now, you’re met with jokes like “bold of you to assume we’ll still be alive then.” it’s such a bleak outlook on life, the assumption that we’ll be gone so soon, and with it comes this uncaring attitude about future generations. why put in the work and effort to preserve things when we'll be gone in the blink of an eye, and on a more callous level, why try to improve things when i won't be alive then anyway, etc etc.

so to dedicate so much thought towards warning people SO far in the future that we cannot even imagine the state of their language, their knowledge, their culture, is just so profound to me. it’s the ultimate sign of human compassion, of caretaking and helping others in need. thousands of generations will separate us from anyone who can come close to being the intended audience of these warnings, and yet we care so much about them that we’ll go to such lengths to protect them from this danger. we can so easily hand wave it, say oh but that’s in the far future, who cares, just keep using our current language and symbols, but no! we want to reach through time and make sure that people stay away for their own health

it especially hits me because this is the impact of our own poor decisions. nuclear waste is so toxic that even thousands upon thousands of years from now it will still be deadly. and we're literally burying it in the ground and leaving it for future generations to deal with. playing with such powers before we’re ready, before we know how to properly handle it, like we’re playing God with things powerful beyond our control. the sheer hubris of it all. and the nuclear waste and the danger it poses both now and in the future is reaping the consequences of it. but the people in the future did nothing to deserve it, it was not their generation who did this, yet they’re dealing with the consequences of what their ancestors did

and so i feel like, this message is both a warning and an APOLOGY. “This place is not a place of honor... no highly esteemed deed is commemorated here... nothing valued is here.” this phrase is there to signal that no, this isn’t buried treasure, this isn’t anything you want to be digging around in, even the people of its time were in danger from it. as always, it’s a warning. but the way it's worded feels like something else, too. this place is not a place of honor. all the scientific advancements and awards and medals of honor going towards the development of nuclear energy and weapons and all things nuclear - and yet, this place is not a place of honor. one of our most shining achievements is also our heaviest burden. because here we are, having to warn our descendants in the far far future of the danger it poses, entirely because we were messing with things before we had the proper capability to handle it safely and responsibly. it’s a warning, yes, but it's also an apology. a way of humbling ourselves. "We considered ourselves to be a powerful culture," and yet, "this place is best left shunned and left uninhabited."

and so taking the time to think these things through, of how to communicate to people tens of thousands of years in the future to keep them safe and healthy, feels like both a show of human compassion for the sake of compassion, and also yet another form of apology. because this isn’t some freak accident. this isn't a naturally occurring danger. this is directly caused by our current actions. if they fall sick or die because of exposure, that is because of us, because of what we did and then buried in the ground to hide and forget about, and so it’s really only right that we take responsibility for our actions and the unintended consequences and ensure that no one else is harmed by them

TL;DR, i love this message so much because it's an admittance of hubris and playing god. it's an apology, it's a show of regret, and it's humbling ourselves in dealing with the consequences. it's communication between generations and reaching through the ages to directly talk to our descendants. it's an extraordinary link over time, between vastly different peoples, and we use it to express basic compassion and humility. it's a message about humanity, with all of our worst, but also all of our best.

#whenever i say ‘we’ i mean that in a very broad sense as in ‘humanity in general during this current time period’#of course i am not blaming YOU as an individual for nuclear waste and its unfortunate side effects LMFAO #brot posts #this is like my fifth fucking essay about this thing . ive thought and said so much about it help #this is by far my longest one though lol and hopefully my most comprehensive one #still not entirely sure i explained it properly though. DX #it just. it makes me feel things OK !!!

62 notes · View notes

void-galaxy-shenanigans · 2 years

Note

Umm hahaha hiiii!!!! I/we?? Have a question. Im scared to ask my doctor about did because we feel like maybe were just crazy and theres really only one of us and not two. Is this normal? C always fronts (we think) and shes good at supressing A who wants to front but C is scared shell ruin relationships since shes more confrontational and confident. We have no idea if this makes sense or not. Any advice? Also there might be a third but they were kindof shamed out by others.

Hi! Welcome to our page 😅

I've got a really long response, both to be thorough & to offer our templates / our explanation spiel, & to make sure I address all of your concerns to the best of my ability (/positive) - read this when you're ready, or in parts, or both (you know your needs).

~~~

This is absolutely normal, actually - I don't know if you/y'all have been told, but doubt & anxiety are actually a symptom of DID/OSDD-1, so when you doubt yourself it may actually be more hints you are a system. The questions of ‘am I crazy? is this real? are the others real’...we get them too. I know we talk on here like we're confident, but we often have to remind ourselves & each other that this doubt is normal. It's the disorder trying to protect you/y'all - because if you know you're a system, you have to deal with (1) the fact that you have trauma at all, which may unrepress memories (which is scary & painful), (2) increased vulnerability (some headmates are more easily triggered / harmed), (3) the stigma around the whole disorder, & (4) conscious communication (which sounds good, & it is, but it's also....draining? it's tiring.).

The disorder (DID/OSDD-1) only knows to help you survive through the same old methods, which is what makes it disordered (it can't adapt), but you & your headmates can adapt, so part of being a system is adapting & resisting the disorder’s urge to hide, forget, repress, relapse. You form headmates because of the disorder, but you have to fight what it views as The Only Safe Way™ to survive if you want to exist, be more aware of your system, etc.

As for keeping each other out of front, honestly that's how we began. Nico tried really hard for 3+ months (in 2020) to not split & not let anyone else front, & I'll be honest, it was physically painful after a while & he ended up mass splitting (splitting 100+ people at once - in this case 300 people) from the stress of fighting it. After that he realized he really didn't have control over whether he needed to split or take a break, so he's way better about it now.

It's normal to do, but not something you can do long term without hurting yourself (forcing yourself dormant, mass splitting, etc.). I don't know your specific situation & can't give expert advice but for general advice, let each other front. Suppressing/resisting hurts everyone, & if you're working on accepting you're a system too, not resisting is helpful (it makes it more obvious when you switch & people are able to be different &/or leave notes that you clearly don't recognize or remember).

As far as starting communication, we started with writing notes to each other. I know some systems still live with unsafe people when they find out (we still do), & if that's the case, find a journal, a lockable journal/diary, or an app you feel comfortable saving things into (we use Google Docs, under a Google account our ab-sers don't know exists) - anything you can lock or hide in some way, but that y'all have to get on/into regularly for whatever reason (so other headmates can see it). If you do live by yourself, any journal, document, etc. works.

Basic template we used for the notes is this: “Hi, my name is [name (nickname if you have one you'd like them to use)], I'm [age], and [I think I am / I am (based on your comfort, pick what's comfortable)] [role (a host/co-host, a gatekeeper, a protector, a trauma holder, etc.]. I'm ready to get to know [anyone else in our mind / our headmates]; introduce yourself when you feel ready.”

So, using my own, “Hi, my name is Caero Jinx (CJ), I'm ageless, and I’m a persecutor-protector and a trauma holder. I'm ready to get to know our headmates; introduce yourself here when you feel ready.”

You might have three or more & not even know them for over a year, honestly.

(When we found out we were a system (May 31st 2019 - we know because Alec stumbled across a TikTok video Sean posted on the 30th (he tagged his name & used a song Alec had never heard before)), Nico & Alec knew each other. Jack knew Nico, & got introduced to Alec. Sean knew Nico, Alec, & Jack. & that....that was it. For months. We found Valentino (Val) three months later, & his brother Jason with him, & then for a whole year that was all we knew. November 2020 we finally met more - Seth (Sean’s brother, persecutor), Carlisle (caretaker/caregiver), Zeno, Lowell, & a handful of others. We didn't even meet our own gatekeeper, Ward, until November or December 2020, a year & a half later (we weren't sure we had one - apparently he just doesn't trust easy & wanted to make sure we were ready). Now, looking back, we had around 26 frequent fronters (people who front frequently, but not necessarily co-hosts) & at least 76 people total, but we knew maybe 10 until year two.)

You may be a small system (with only 2 to 40 or so), or a medium system (40-90), or polyfragmented (over 100), & you wouldn't know yet. & that's okay. It all comes with time & this’ll get less overwhelming.

If you have anyone, a third person or more, that got chased out by shame/for any reason, they'll come back when they're ready (or when they feel like you're ready). It's not necessary to worry about it right now; you'll know more/know them when you're ready to know.

As for telling a doctor (or therapist), well....there's so much stigma & disbelief (people genuinely don't think we're real) that I wouldn't recommend it without “testing the water” first. Ask if they know of, have heard of, &/or have experience with DID/OSDD-1/systems (specify “it used to be called Multiple Personality Disorder” if they don't understand what you mean - most people will get it then). If they say “that's not real”, don't tell them (& find a better doctor who believes it's real when you can). If they say “that's super rare and almost no one has it”, don't tell them - they'd make you ridiculously jump around through metaphoric hoops to “prove” you're real, & honestly it's better to find someone you won't have to do that with. If they say “I've heard of it but I'm not qualified to/don't want to work with anyone who has it”, well, don't tell them & find a new doctor when you can.

If they say “I haven't heard of it” or “I've heard of it but I'm open to learn more”, that's a really good sign. If you have or find a doctor who says this, this spiel we made usually goes okay (you can build on/change it as needed): “it's a survival coping mechanism where a trauma victim survives through a mix of repression, self gaslighting, and separate identities. They repress trauma memories and any day to day memories that won't help them survive, and tell themselves the trauma isn't real and they don't have a disorder and they're not repressing anything. If a kid isn't traumatized or is able to process trauma with a safe community and/or a safe parent/guardian, the fragments that would've fused into one multifaceted identity get stuck apart by amnesia walls and they form into one or more multifaceted identities instead of one. Each of these people can have different ages, religions, hobbies, or any other part of identity and personality that non-systems have, and they each have a job that helps them keep each other alive. Together, they help the body and each other survive the trauma, and once they become aware they're a system they can communicate and work together. They can even have allergies other headmates don't have, or different severities or presentation of symptoms. They do everything they can to hide, so if they trust anyone enough to tell them, that's a good sign they believe the person they're telling has their best interests in mind and will keep them safe.”

Usually, when we frame it that way, we get back “so they're like different people in one body?” or “so all of them / all of you together form what I see as / think of as [body name]?”, & when you say yes, then they tend to be a lot kinder / more accepting when you say “so....I think I'm / I found out I'm a system” (or something along those lines). If they ask more general questions, you can try to answer what you know, & if they ask personal questions, keep in mind you aren't required to tell them details of your trauma, your systemhood, etc. or show them a switch to “prove” it, & only answer if you want to / feel comfortable.

If they need to know something specific — like a medical doctor might need to know ‘x is prone to fainting more than the rest of us’, ‘y has anaphylaxis with bee stings, but a doesn't’, or a therapist might need to know ‘b talks about su*c*de a lot but c won't actually let them so you don't need to worry that they'll actually act on it’ (we've needed to say that one), anything that would affect their job basically — then tell them that.

I wouldn't recommend telling anyone who you know would use it against you (anyone who's traumatized you, anyone who you know thinks mentally ill people are [insert ableist/cruel idea], etc.), unless your life seriously depends on it. & I'd be very cautious trying to tell family, friends, etc. & test the water (very similarly to above) first - & maybe don't tell personal relations (friends, family, body's significant other) until (a) you get professionally diagnosed (they may demand proof, & if so a diagnosis is a good friend) or (b) you've been on the journey for a year or more & you're sure you want to tell this person now. You know your limits & your people best, so you're the judge of who needs to know & who can wait, who you want to tell, etc.

It's painful to remain unseen, but prioritize your safety. It's more painful getting hurt by people who know & treat you like garbage because of it (we made that mistake ourselves 😕).

Overall, we welcome self diagnosis (getting professional diagnoses is an expensive pain in the butt & some systems won't be considered “distressed enough” by a therapist (it's up to their personal opinion) to get diagnosed) & welcome to this journey.

I hope our page helps you/y'all, & if you'd like to know more about system experiences, our journey of discovery, roles, etc., feel free to ask! We may seem intimidating, being a blog poster who openly embraces our systemhood (even when it's difficult & we don't always acknowledge it's difficult), but I promise we're not as scary as we seem 😅.

The journey may not be easy, but you don’t have to walk it alone.

~CJ

#did system #osdd system #plural system #multiplicity system #ask #asks #ask me stuff #ask me things

9 notes · View notes

ahsokasanity · 3 years

Text

Chapter Eight

A Court of Shadow and Ribbons Missed any Chapters? Go to the pinned post

Notes:

– With credit to song words (only slightly messed with) Melissa Etheridge “Do It Again”

Nessian mating ceremony.

Idisi comes from Nordic mythology around the Valkyries – ours didn’t want to be a replica of the original female warriors, but something new and their own.

Apologies if you’re fitting this in during lunch break (@TrashForAzriel !) It’s a bit longer than normal

Nesta was not nervous on the day. She was already so entwined emotionally with Cassian that it actually seemed a natural progression to confess it in front of a few important friends and family. Some of the training group would be at the service, some could not make the step from the House of Wind to Velaris proper. They had tentatively begun to call themselves Idisi – the name itself made them more a part of the Valkyrie mythology, Nesta grinned to herself as she remembered Gwyn coming to them with the idea “Well, we can’t just keep calling ourselves the training group or Cassian’s defenders.” Although Nesta quite liked the second.

Nesta had stayed at The River House overnight and Cassian, Azriel and Rhys were to fly as many from the library as they could. Mor was going to Windhaven to collect Emerie who would stay the night in Velaris. All of them might end up out on the town. Nesta was wishing for, and dreading that night as the first she would take as Cassian’s mate and the first time she would return to the nightclubs and drinking bars that she had frequented before her recovery. With Cassian by her side, she knew it would be a fun night. The House of Wind had been entitled to them and tonight she would host her friends. The House had promised to care for them all if Nesta was occupied once they got home.

Gwyn had agreed to sing but she was nervous about leaving the library. The last time she did was to support Nesta and they had ended up abducted. She knew the circumstances were entirely different and the River House was so very safe, but it did not stop the butterflies swarming in her gut or the slight vibrato when she did try to speak at breakfast. She’d put on her best prayers robe. It was a pale blue and pleated around the neck to be fastened at the waist with a gold thin rope. He feet were shod in thick leather slippers that would protect her while travelling and walking in the garden.

There were just five of them to attend from the priestesses and being that Azriel and Rhys could winnow, they took Margot, Lorelei, Deirdre and Roslin. Cassian was grinning at Gwyn. “I think that the first Idisi to cut the ribbon with her sword should have no problem getting a ride to MY mating ceremony with her best friend’s mate?”

Gwyn laughed a nervous laugh and pursed her lips. “No, you wouldn’t think so would you” She stepped toward him and stood at his side, offering her arm for him to take. Cassian wrapped one arm around her waist and took her forearm with his other hand. “I’ll hold you and I promise I will not let you fall”

She nodded but closed her eyes. The hand around her hip was firm not punishing and his other hand was gentle on her arm. She told herself over and over. It’s OK, this is Cassian, it’s OK”

“No harm will come to you” Cassian had sensed her thoughts and she tried to look up at him, to give permission for this flight. He grinned down at her

“Don’t have too much fun will you” and launched off the training area into the bright summer sky. Gwyn screeched, not in a scared way she surprised herself, but with exhilaration. Cassian merely flapped harder to get into the slip stream heading up the face of the cliff from the city. As they got into that rising warm air he extended his wings to their widest (Gwyn remembered something that Nesta had told her that night in the library of the House of Wind, about Illyrians wing spans), but she shut down that thought as they began spiralling down, down, so smooth, so free.

The feeling was immense. She had shut herself out of this world for years now and could suddenly see what she might be missing. Yes, High Fae, Illyrians and half breeds like her, could all be cruel to each other. There was also this, flying (she was flying for the Mother’s sake) and heading to a celebration of love of togetherness and she loved her friends. She felt wonderful and alive and impatient to enjoy more.

The garden and lawn of the River House (it should be called the River Palace she thought), looked picture perfect today. Elain had worked hard on getting the flowers to bloom, in the right colour order to suit where Nesta would stand. Rhys had spared no expense in the set up of a pavilion and chairs, with a spread of food for all, once Cassian and Nesta had officially Mated.

Cassian could sense her excitement and a change in her scent from flat out petrified to wonder and a happy nervousness. One more thing that he could do to make her comfortable was to set her down where Mor and Emerie were talking at the outskirts of the party.

“Thank you Cassian” Gwyn stood on her tip toes to peck him on the cheek. “I did not know that it would be like that, so free. I can’t really explain it”

Cassian merely shrugged and replied “You don’t have to. I am glad that you are here, and that Nesta doesn’t have to attempt murder because I scared her friend!” He winked and headed off to Rhys and Azriel who were clucking over baby Nyx.

“Gwynie, oh wow, you are so lucky. How was the flight? It looked so glorious today and you took the slow way down. Oh, I am so jealous” Emerie was at her side and Mor a step behind.

“It’s nice to see you Gwyn” Mor intoned. There was more to that statement than your average greeting. It’s nice to see Gwyn in Velaris, it’s nice to see Gwyn outside the protection of the library. The first time that Mor had met Gwyn, she had just been repeatedly raped and her world was imploding. Mor here, in the sun on this grassy expanse of the river flat was a beautiful sight. Her words were a balm and Gwyn just nodded.

“It is so nice to see you again” she replied, again meaning a lot more than pure greeting.

Emerie took Gwyn’s arm but steered her close to Mor as they seemed to be in the middle of something “Just stay here until you have to sing will you Gwyn?” her friend insisted “I’ll get you a drink and we can applaud from here!”

Mor laughed at that and the two of them returned to talk of fabrics and colours and what Emerie sold in her shop and what Mor wanted to show her from Vallahan that was “like a second skin that shows every curve and highlights every asset” Whatever that meant. Emerie was immersed in the conversation and brought Gwyn in on it every now and then to suggest a colour for her or to ask her opinion. Gwyn was happily edging the topics as she was having more fun watching the others, Cassian being teased by his “brothers”, Feyre taking Nyx away from them before Rhys threw the boy high enough he’d have to learn to fly to get back, and Elain talking with some others whom Gwyn did not recognise. An auburn haired Fae with a mechanical eye. One of the sons of the Autumn Court by the looks. She remembered that Nesta did not like him much but that Feyre and he were on good terms. Elain seemed very quiet. Gwyn understood her shyness.

Emerie whispered to Gwyn “The red headed male is Lucien, Elain’s mate” she just nodded her head and looked their way. There was no explanation necessary, the relationship apparent. That mating was not the happy affair that Nesta and Cassian were celebrating. Elain looked a little more alive when Azriel joined their group, but Az stayed by Lucien’s side and spoke politely to all before moving to seat people around the central point of the yard, an altar and a table.

Gwyn was not at all present, she realised. The small tension of singing while Cassian and Nesta would be preparing and eating food together had been overtaken by the large stressor of being surrounded by people that she did not know. She found a place backing on to a heavily thorned rose bush bursting with red flowers. She felt better having her back protected. Little tremors shot up her spine and across her skin every few minutes and she held one hand in the other so that she could hold herself still. Deep breathing was the only thought that she had, her singing voice would not appreciate having no wind. Emerie touched her arm every now and then, but she was engrossed in the service and in leaning in to Mor’s side to whisper comments.

Gwyn found Emerie leading her toward the centre of the gathering and realised that she had better be ready to perform. A few strong breaths down into her stomach and she found her place, Nesta smiled through some tears as she moved aside to the table with food, Cassian so pleased, the look on his face many of them had never seen before.

Gwyn tried to look over the small crowd, but her gaze snagged on the darkness in one corner. Azriel. He gave her an encouraging nod and she was able to start

The song had originally been a nightclub hit, Nesta had played it for her on the Synphonia. Gwyn had tweaked it a little bit to be more soulful. More like a prayer.

Walked your fire I got a little bit burnt

Hold on tight cause I, I never did learn

You were the one they tried to warn me about

I jumped into your ocean knowing I could never get out

Oh darling it hurts, hurts to be in love

Oh darling it hurts but I do it just because

I walk straight through your mountain

Crawl right under your sea

And if you do not know it by now

You're the only one who does this to me

But I’d do it again

Yes I'd do it again

Even when I'm tired and my feelings are hurt

Never lost desire only made things worse

I hope I'm holding out for something good

Cause we're that combination yeah we're the kind that could

Oh darling it hurts, hurts to be in love

Oh darling it hurts but I do it just because

I walk straight through your mountain

Crawl right under your sea

And if you don't know, know it by now

You're the only one who does this to me

But I'd do it again

She looked up to see Cassian kissing Nesta passionately and smiled to herself. Only to become more self aware as people started to approach her with congratulations and it was hell.

Emerie was making her way to help, with Mor at her side, but Azriel and his shadows dispersed the few gushing admirers with excuses and subtle manoeuvring to suddenly be next to her. He lightly took her arm and guided her into the house and to the summer parlour by the kitchen. He sat her down on the nearest armchair and stepped back toward the door. “Wait Azriel, please” She was surprised to hear her own voice in such a clear request.

Azriel simply turned and stopped. He did not want to be closer to this woman than he already was. She was so beautiful and her singing always seemed to open a door to his emotions. He could not hear her without remembering old forgotten feelings of being held by his mother, of being full, not the furtive being that he had become. It was undoing his resolve, his very footing on the earth.

Gwyn composed herself and looked straight at Az. “Thank you for helping me out of that situation. I didn’t want to be with so many people, but I don’t want to be alone either.”

It took three steps for Azriel to be seated next to her and looking around the room, not at her. He looked at her all of the time. He couldn’t do it now. His chest was thundering. Do not ruin this Az, he thought savagely. This woman has been through hell. Do not overstep

“I have to tell you something Gwyn” he knew once he started he would have to finish this. “I have noticed you wearing a chain at training…”

“Oh well, it’s OK if I shouldn’t wear it, it’s nothing much”

Az swallowed his next words and re-thought where he was going with this. “Really, it’s nothing much?”

Gwyn blushed a little. “Well, I do really like it but it was an anonymous gift and I probably will never know who gave it to me, it shouldn’t be important to me”

Azriel decided then to struggle on. This could not stand. “It was me”

The room was silent. Gwyn’s face went through about fifteen expressions while he watched and waited. She looked sad then like she would yell at him, then pensive, finally she looked at him and spoke. “Why?”

“You are not going to like this, but I am going to tell you the absolute truth. That is all I can promise you” Azriel got out of the chair and started to walk this way and that about the room.

“I bought the jewel and the chain for Elain before Winter Solstice, I know that sounds bad, but please listen” Gwyn was discomforted but not scared. Azriel having feelings for her would be more scary.

“Rhys made me understand that any relationship outside of her being a sister to me was off the table. So Elain and I talked and she is my sister now. She will be making changes and I will support her decisions, but we will not be together”

Gwyn was struck dumb as to how she would feature in this story. How she became a part of this story.

Azriel could tell he was losing her. “After that night when you were training in the dark” She did smile at that “I wanted to give you something that was just appreciative of you”

“Do you think that Elain will see this and be upset?” Gwyn took the rose out of her top and it caught the sun. Azriel held himself together at the sight of Gwyn seated before him, rose between the thumb and forefinger and an absolute innocent look on her face.

“I, well, I hadn’t thought of that” he shifted to the far wall of the room and looked out over the gathering and smiled at his brother being fed bread by Nesta and laughing with less worry than he had even seen. He didn’t notice Gwyn had got up from her chair and approached him. When he turned back to her she was under his nose and he stepped back hurriedly

She had never felt threatened by Azriel, never nervous in his presence, but his closeness, his casual demeanour. He was not her trainer today. She held out the chain with the rose dangling and handed it to him.

“I think that it was a lovely gesture Azriel”, she liked the sound of his name and wanted to say it more, to moan it. “But, I think that you should take it back. Keep it until you can tell Elain that you found someone that you really want to see wearing it forever.” Azriel held out his hand and accepted the chain, quickly pocketing it with shame written across his downturned face at her words.

“Thank you, for thinking of Elain Gwyn. Five hundred years is not enough time apparently to turn me into a thoughtful male”

Gwyn could not bear the tone of his voice or the hunch of his shoulders. This was not Azriel on the back foot, this was him retreating. She knew the feeling. The self-loathing, the depression. It was not something that she wanted for him.

“Don’t say that. Don’t think that you are not every bit as noble as the best males in Velaris. You are thoughtful and you are kind. Think of all of our friends, our Idisi who are starting to feel, whole again.” She touched his cheek with a shaking hand “Think of me Azriel. I would be dead, and without the training I would be close enough to dead that there is little difference”

His eyes found hers but she stepped back away from him, hand still in the air between them.

“Azriel, would you walk with me in the garden?” She raised her elbow for him to take it, prayed that he would take it. He hesitated only a moment before sliding his arm through hers and they left the parlour then the house.

The party was getting properly started now, Cassian and Nesta had left, but that was no big deal, they would resurface later in the evening and it was the guest’s responsibility to eat, drink and enjoy themselves. It was being accomplished. Mor and Emerie were talking, heads close together by the edge of the crowd. Gwyn saw Elain speaking with Lucien in the company of Feyre and Nyx. That baby certainly garnered attention. Some of the priestess’ saw Gwyn with Azriel and waved them over.

They spoke for a little while, but the overall impression was that they were generally ready to leave. Lorelei and Deirdre had enjoyed perhaps a smidge too much strawberry wine and were giggly enough for the others to worry about their choices over the next few hours. The others had felt pleased and proud to be at the ceremony, but the ongoing music, drinking and laughing was not what they wanted for their first trip out from the library in an age. Azriel went to speak to Rhys, leaving Gwyn with the others with a smile and a nod that he would arrange transport for them.

Emerie found them and spoke to Gwyn “I think I’m going to stay here”, she nodded to Mor. “She has invited me to go out to Velaris to a night Club! I think I’m going to like it. Mor said she’d take me to the House of Wind to the guest suite whenever I wanted to leave.” Emerie’s cheek flushed as she said “I can’t believe she’s here talking to me,…. I really like her” the last quietly and aimed only for Gwyn

“That’s great Em, you seem comfortable today, you look; yourself” Gwyn had noticed the calm stance and the open face while Emerie talked with Mor. She was really at home here.

“I feel amazing Gwynie, not like anything I’ve ever felt before. Free and happy and maybe,…excited” She hugged Gwyn. “Do you want me to ask Mor to winnow you home?, you look tired. Oh, where’s your chain?”

Gwyn looked slightly unsettled “Can I tell you about that later? , it’s alright though” She smiled to show Emerie that she was really fine with the loss and added “Would it be silly of me to ask, could I suggest that Mor help with Deirdre and Lorelei and the others? I’d like to speak to Azriel”

Emerie noted the confidence in Gwyn’s request and the lift of her head. She was sure about this.

“OK, sure. I’ll see what I can do” Emerie squeezed Gwyn’s hand then turned to Mor who was speaking with Lucien now.

Gwyn focused on the rose bushes and wandered around the edge of the revellers. She wasn’t sure what she wanted to talk to Azriel about, but she couldn’t leave him tonight without another word. She wanted to make sure that he was good. That he knew she was a friend. She was happy with her decision to give up the necklace. Even though the thought that it had been from Azriel was thrilling and scary all at once. She had now made a plan that he would find in the future, a need to gift it back to her with emotions attached. She didn’t know why that thought had occurred to her. It was something she could not have imagined before today.

Azriel approached her as if summoned. He was looking down and around, anywhere but her face, so she lifted her hand for him to take and stared him down. “I wanted to ask you, if you wouldn’t mind, could you please fly me home?

Azriel’s shock at the request was covered quickly. What he did know was that Gwyn was asking for physical contact with him. Winnowing only required the slightest touch. A hand or an arm. Flying on the other hand would be body contact on a larger scale. This was her choice. He nodded his head, lost for useful words. He didn’t want to sound like a clumsy novice male. He merely stretched an arm out for her to step into his side.

Gwyn turned to Emerie and Mor who were organising the other Idisi and gave them a smile. Emerie grinned in return and Azriel wrapped her in an embrace that was solid and calming yet her blood pounded and her eyes blinked. She couldn’t remember feeling so safe.

His wings spread and flapped and Azriel bent his knees and sprung into the breeze of the evening. Gwyn found herself tightening her grip around his neck and bringing her face closer to his

“You’re safe” is all he said

Gwyn simply replied “I know”

The trip down with Cassian had been exhilarating and freeing, the flying back required going across Velaris, coming to life with street lights and coloured flashes from the restaurants and dance rooms opening for the night. Gwyn got the feeling that she was missing a lot so she turned her head and took in the marvel of the city, the lights and the sun setting across the ocean. “Oh my goodness, Azriel, it is so beautiful” Azriel smiled and nodded, but he too looked properly at that view re-appreciating what he always knew was there. Trying to see it as Gwyn saw it for the first time brought a wonder to his heart that he had forgotten.

Gwyn looked at his face, and he caught her eyes. It was a charged moment. Azriel composed himself first and looked out to the sea and the river. With his free hand he began to point out landmarks and favourite haunts. From the Rainbow where Feyre went to paint and to teach, to the townhouse in the residential area and of course the sparkling flashing lights of Rita’s – their most frequented nightclub. “I guess I’ll be finding Mor and Emerie and probably the others there later” he smiled to think of what he knew of Mor now and the simmering looks that she and Emerie had been sharing during the ceremony. Only happiness filled him at the thought.

Gwyn was getting comfortable and moved a little in his arms. She squealed as she felt herself slip, but Azriel simply held her tighter and put his other arm under her legs, carrying her through the air like a princess. She surrendered, just for now she told herself, to the warmth and the stillness here in his chest.

Azriel relaxed into the embrace and flew steadily ignoring the thundering of his heart and the closeness of her lithe warrior’s body. The distance was covered all too soon and he stepped onto the roof of the house, jogging a few steps toward the double doors before coming to a halt. He placed her on the ground feet first, before facing her with his arm still around her middle. Gwyn stepped away first and walked backwards toward the entrance. She smiled at him

“Thank you Azriel” She looked down as if remembering where that jewel had rested until this afternoon. “I did really love that chain” She winked, as she had to him once before. This was not a student teacher interaction, this was a suggestion, a question to his searching. He took a step toward her and she held up a hand

“See you at training” and she turned, with every fibre of her being she kept walking toward the library. Willing him to watch her, to make a plan for the future to stop her from walking away. But not today. She was tired, she was wrung out and she did not trust herself to spend any more time with this male. He had opened too many doors within her to be careful of her wellbeing. She needed more time.

Azriel was old. He had bedded women across continents and had held a candle for Mor since he could remember wanting. Gwyn had him questioning any reaction that came to mind. Instead of those he just whispered “You will” He meant more than training tomorrow. He fully intended to show her what a thoughtful, evolved Illyrian male could evoke in a woman. She would not have a straw of fear left for him by the time she came to him ready to accept the necklace as truly hers.

#acotar #Gwynriel #Nessian #acosf #mating ceremony #Elriel #flying #Angsty #No Smut yet

25 notes · View notes

addictofsupernatural · 4 years

Text

OHSHC Rewrite: Episode 3b

Beware of the Physical Exams!

Host Club x reader

Summary: When the hosts convince y/n to get help, she finds trouble instead.

Word Count: 5.4k

Episode Masterlist

"Y/n, we've come here today to talk about a problem regarding you."

You looked around nervously, and began your verbal diarrhea. "Okay, um, first of all, I want to say I'm sorry. I know it's our number one priority to make the clients happy, and I was side tracked, and that's on me. I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have been unprofessional with Alarico and that's super my fault. I know I need to get 100 guests and I'm only at 39 but I can do better, and again I'm really sorry for everything about yesterday, and—"

"Y/n," Kyoya cut you off. "This has nothing to do with your quota, or Alarico Gonzalez's behavior."

"Oh." You said dumbly.

"This is about your anxiety attack."

"Oh." You grumbled, though you quickly regained your composure. "I'm sorry you had to see that senpai."

"It was no trouble, and I've read that they can be very sudden and frightening to those who get them." He stated.

"We're really worried." Hikaru said.

"Yeah," Kaoru agreed. "When Kyoya told us, we had no idea how to help."

"You have to take care of yourself y/n-chan." Honey clutched usa-chan.

"Yeah." Mori said.

"That is why," Tamaki said, pointing to you. "We've decided to set up an appointment with the school therapist today!"

"Woah, let's not take it that far. I'm okay guys, really."

"You didn't look okay when you had trouble breathing yesterday." Kyoya stated.

"That was just a little hiccup!" You explained. "Things happen. I'm okay now, which is more important, right?"

Tamaki stepped up to you. "You're going to therapy, and that's final!"

"No." You said forcefully. This struck his feelings, and he sulked in the corner. You sighed. "I'm sorry I worried you all, and I'll be careful next time. I don't want to waste time and cut any classes so a therapist can tell me depressing things. I just want to forget about sad stuff here."

You gave them a smile. "Well, she seems unmotivated." Hikaru stated.

"But how are we going to get her to agree?" Kaoru asked.

Mori then thought of something. "Squishy ice cream."

That struck a nerve. You gasped and carefully looked at them, and Tamaki then got up. "That's right~ You were so busy last episode that you never got to try any, did you~?"

"Did you hear that?" Hikaru whispered mockingly. "She's never even tried squishy ice cream before. Isn't that sad?"

"Talk about a tragedy." Kaoru whispered back.

You nervously laughed. "C'mon guys, you don't really think of me as such glutton because I'm poor and never had it that I'd force myself to go to some therapy for some ice cream would you?" You kept nervously laughing, and everybody else smiled at you. You then quietly asked, "What time is the appointment?"

"We knew it." The twins said.

You scoffed and smiled. "You guys are something else. Why do you even care about this?"

"Don't refer to yourself as this!" Tamaki exclaimed. "If you need anything, know that I'm always here for you."

"You mean all of us are here for her?" Hikaru asked.

"As I said before, you are all the homosexual supporting cast!"

You let out an involuntary laugh. "Really senpai? Supporting cast?" You asked, walking over to them. "That's a little self absorbed of you." You then thought of something. "Can you guys do me a little favor though? Let's keep the therapy sessions to ourselves. My clients get worried easily and I feel weird when they get curious and ask me about my issues."

"Well, your appointment is right after the physical exams," Kyoya explained. "So that might be an issue."

"Alright then," Tamaki announced. "Gentlemen, it's time to enact The Keep Y/n's Secret Safe Plan!"

Later that day you walked with the twins to the physical exam, though the line was going to be too long to not miss your therapy session. When you went in there, your mouth hung open. "What the hell is this?!"

"It's just a regular physical exam." Hikaru said.

"I've seen malls smaller than this." You whisper shouted, speed walking to hold each twin by the arm, timidly looking at all the people and fancy stations. "This is so out of place for me. I feel so awkward."

They paid no mind to you gripping onto them, or at least tried not to. "Seriously y/n, you need to stop being amazed and scared at everything here." Kaoru said.

"I was amazed and scared of the host club when I walked in. Look at us now." You offered. Neither of them said anything but looked down at you. You then saw Mori and Honey dressed up in doctor attire. "Wait, what?" They put their fingers over their mouths shush you. "So obvious." You muttered.

"I have those two for back up in case this plan doesn't execute properly." Kyoya came out and explained.

"Why are they in doctor uniforms?"

"It helps set the mood." He pushed up his glasses. "Disguises make our mission feel like a real espionage."

You watched the doctor encourage a girl as three other nurses clapped for her. "This is weird." You said. "All the staff here are actually nice."

"Of course." Kyoya said. "All staff is chosen by the chairman. It is a school, but it's also a business. He wants the students to be happy, and most students here already have their own doctors for their families. So this, is just a formality."

You quietly scoffed and shrugged, shaking your head. You and the twins kept walking when someone bumped into Kyoya, and Kyoya's gaze lingered on him.

"Huh." The twins then began taking off their shirts to do their exams, and girls started squealing. "See now?" Kyoya asked. "Physical exam day is quite popular with the ladies."

"Hm. My physical exams in y/c had us also do exercise. Everybody was rude and just wanted to get everything over with, and that makes more sense than this." You then shook your head. "But girls here would probably still be squealing for that too because sweat is apparently attractive too."

The twins were being themselves and girls continued squealing. Mori and Honey took this as an opportunity to push you into a corner nobody was in. Tamaki then caught you from behind. "I've been waiting for you princess." He said in your ear.

"Tamaki senpai?" You turned your head.

He giggled in your ear. "You're so cute when you're surprised." He then stepped back. "This is it, the inevitable moment."

"What are you gonna do?"

He shushes you with his finger. "Don't worry, I'll protect you." You felt your cheeks tingle. That was until he put on a wig and stepped into the exams area. "I am ready to take the exams." He announced in his best impression of your voice.

"Hey, is Tamaki trying to dress as a girl?" One girl asked.

Tamaki was shocked, as if he didn't realize people would notice. The twins then bursted out laughing. "He actually did it!" Hikaru laughed out.

"I can't believe he didn't know that wouldn't work!"

Tamaki blushed and angrily grabbed Hikaru. "Why didn't you tell me it wouldn't work?!"

"It's payback for calling us homosexual supporting cast!" He laughed out.

Tamaki looked over at you shyly with big sad eyes. "Um, listen y/n," he timidly said.

"Did you really think that would work?" You asked, and your tone showed that it was a genuine question. He said nothing but pouted, causing you to glare at him. "Big words senpai. Small execution."

"Come this way y/n," Kyoya said. "There's a private room waiting for you."

"Senpai, you look like your enjoying this." You smiled at him. Tamaki dropped to his knees in the background.

Kyoya was smiling as well. "Well, I did need to get my revenge too. I don't appreciate being called supporting cast, homosexual or otherwise."

You both walked away as Tamaki weakly reached for you while fading away. You then went into a room with a female nurse. "Good morning Miss Y/l/n. It's a pleasure to meet you. I've been informed of your circumstances, so we can hurry along this process."

"Thank you ma'am."

"Of course. Step right this way please. You can undress in there." You nodded and stepped inside the dressing area.

The boys were listening to this girl cry about a doctor who supposedly made a pass at her. "I've never been so terrified." She cried.

"How scary!"

"Do you think he was a pervert?" This girls were huddled around her for comfort.

"I had a feeling this might happen." Kyoya thought out loud. "Earlier today I saw a strange man in a white lab coat, though clearly not one of our doctors.

"Shouldn't you have said something sooner?" The twins asked in an annoyed manner.

"I'm sure it's no big deal. I'm sure the security guard will catch him." Kyoya offered.

They still listened to the group in the back. "Tell me," said a doctor. "Did you see where this man went?"

"Yes sir, he was headed towards the private clinic down the hall." The boys were all silent as they realized that he was going to your room.

You had just unbuttoned your shirt, leaving you in your bra. You were about to take off your pants when a man went into your changing room and was peaking outside. It was almost like he didn't see you. "W–um, excuse me, but—"

He rushed over to you and covered your mouth with his hand. "No, it's not what you think. Please just be quiet."

"Y/n!" You both turned to see Tamaki in the air. "Tama-chan~ kick!" He kicked the man in the face and sent him flying into the wall. Tamaki then spun in the air a few times before coming down to the ground.

The twins then appeared. "One. Good looks that attract the public eye."

Kyoya then stepped out of the shadows. "Two. More wealth than you can imagine."

Mori then spoke up. "Three. Chivalry that will never be able to overlook,"

"The hideous wickedness of this world." Honey finished.

As you hugged yourself Tamaki gently placed his own shirt over you. "That's what make up the Ouran Host Club!"

They posed, with an exception of Mori and Kyoya, saying, "We're here, watch out!"

"Please don't hurt me! Spare me my life!" He bowed as you buttoned up Tamaki's shirt. He then got back up. "I run a small medical clinic in the next town over."

You were taken aback by the sudden fact. You looked at Honey, whispering, "Why is he telling us his life story?"

Honey shrugged, and you all listened. "My name is Yabu." You suppressed your laughter, since Yabu is another word for quack doctor. "You see, I came to find my daughter. My wife left me a month ago and took my daughter with her! I know that my daughter goes here."

You sat down to be at the same eye level with him. "Well now that I'm invested into the story, I gotta ask. What happened to make them leave?"

He explained that he kept giving people money and they don't usually pay them back. The latest time was the last straw, and they both left. "I can never say no to anyone. I don't blame them for not wanting to constantly live in debt. But I wanted to see my daughter one last time, so I wandered through the streets and was pounded by rain until I came here. But once I entered I was mistaken for a doctor, here to examine students!"

You smiled. "You mean they mistook the guy wearing a lab coat as a doctor? That's... wow."

"And then it happened," He ignored you. He then explained how he asked a girl for directions and she ran away screaming. "And before I knew it, there were all kinds of people chasing me!" He was bursting with tears.

"So tragic!" Tamaki was also crying.

"Pardon me," Kyoya said. "But I think you may have the wrong highschool. Are you looking for Ouran Public Highschool?"

"Yeah?" He stopped crying and looked up.

"I figured that might be the case. This is Ouran Academy, private institution. Your daughter doesn't go to school here."

He looked shocked, and the twins began to voice their opinions. "Man, you don't even know where your daughter goes to school? That's pretty sad." Hikaru said.

"Yeah, I bet your relationship's messed up because you don't pay attention to them, not because of some stupid debt."

"Wow Kyo-chan, you figured that out pretty quickly." Honey congratulated him.

"Well, the daughter of such a small business man could never afford to go here." You scrunched up your nose I'm response.

"Kyoya," Tamaki said. "Could you make a map of the public schools in this area? I'd like to help this man."

Kyoya looked surprised for a second, but smiled and regained his composure. "Whatever you say."

As the man got up you stepped in front of him. "If you'll allow me to give some advice." He nodded. "If you get there and school is still in session, don't just go in. Wait until she's finished with school, or else you're gonna look like a creep and she'll be too angry and embarrassed to talk." He said nothing and nodded, bowing. He left soon after, and you were all still in the private room. "Well, sorry to do this, but can you guys please leave now?"

Everybody looked surprised. "Y/n, are you still angry with me?" Tamaki said. "You're not going to quit the host club are you?"

You turned to him and smiled, patting his shoulder. "Don't be silly senpai. I need to get to that stupid therapy sesh and you need to put on a shirt. I just gotta take the physical exams and I'll give it back to you." You then turned around and smiled. "Let's get this straight though. I'm not doing it for some food, I'm doing it for my debt."

You giggled, and Tamaki smothered you with a hug. "I can see right through you! I know you're doing it for some squishy ice cream!"

He was smothering too much. "Okay, stop it! The shirt's riding up!"

"Red card!" The twins said in unison. They then dragged Tamaki out and everyone else followed.

You finished your exam fairly quickly and was guided by your nurse to the room of your therapist. "Good morning." She grinned. "Please sit anywhere you'd like."

You had decided right then and there that this was going to suck. There was fancy decor and expensive looking items. There was a nice looking couch and even nicer looking chairs. She had a desk that looked like it costed way too much, and she wore expensive clothing. This was all too much. You didn't belong in this room.

You silently sat on the couch. "I hope you feel your most comfortable self with me, so we can talk about anything you want." Her grin was still on and her tone was still chirpy. You said nothing. "Do you want to begin the conversation?"

You hesitated before speaking up. "May I ask about your background?"

"My background? Well that's an incredibly boring subject, but go ahead! Let's not have any secrets between each other, okay?"

You were silent for a moment again. "How were you brought up? Was it surrounded by things like this?"

You didn't try to smile. You didn't want to be here. There wasn't anything wrong with you, so there wasn't a reason to be here. Besides, this room itself was giving you anxiety. "Things like this? Well, I'm not really the materialistic person, but if you're asking me if I was born into a wealthy family that helped paved the way to my position, then yes. I was born into this."

Her smile never faltered, and you didn't like it. You didn't like the feeling of any of this. Exposed, you felt so exposed. It made you put your head down in shame. "Then don't you think you're a little overqualified to be talking to me right now?"

She was taken aback, but began writing in her notebook. She slightly nodded to it, as if she had decided something. "My, is that what you think?"

What the hell would she even write from that? That you have self esteem issues? That you're self conscious about yourself here? You deserved so much squishy icecream for this. You only shrugged.

"You don't seem very relaxed right now. Maybe we could talk about why that is." You shrugged again. Her smile almost left her face, but she hung onto it. "We can't make any progress if you we don't put in effort dear."

You sucked up your annoyance and smiled, bringing your head up. "If you want me to be happy about this, you could've just said so. And the reason why I'm uncomfortable is because this room is making me uncomfortable."

She then wrote in her notebook again. "I see. Is it the atmosphere? We can go outside to the garden if it makes you feel any better."

"Is this session a one time thing?"

She chuckled. "That's not how progress works."

"Then we can stay in here so I could get used to this feeling."

It was like she cornered you. She knew exactly where to strike. "Do you always feel like you need to comply to things? Like you have to be the one to adjust?"

You frowned. "Where did that come from?"

"Please answer the question dear."

"I don't know, I guess. I have to though. It's not like everybody else has to change their viewpoints to accommodate only me."

"Do those viewpoints make you upset?"

"No."

"I'd appreciate if didn't lie to me."

She seemed to have every one of your moves calculated. She suddenly knew how to outsmart you. "Sometimes, I guess. I don't know. They'll say a comment or two about how different commoners are to normal rich people. It's weird. I never considered myself normal, but I'm different for another reason here than before."

You wanted to slap yourself for saying that. She only wrote in her notebook again. "How were you different before?"

"It just sometimes felt like us against the world. The four of us were unbreakable and we didn't care that it was that way. I felt proud to be looked down on, in this weird way, because my friends were down there with me laughing at everyone else."

"And now?"

"Now I'm down there alone. Everybody looks down on me, but there's no one else to share that with. It just sucks sometimes."

"You have two separate friend groups that you mention. Do you feel differently towards the one back in y/c than here?"

"I never felt ashamed with my y/c friends, I guess. I don't know. They knew everything about me, and they still loved me for it. Maybe I feel like my friends here will just pity me if I open up more?" You brought your knees up and buried your face in between them. "Ugh, no offense doctor, but this sucks butt. I thought this was supposed to help me with my anxiety."

"And you don't feel anxiety when thinking about your new friends finding things out about you?"

You couldn't help but let out a laugh and fall to lay of the couch. "Damn it, you're actually pretty good."

"People can be more complex than you might think. Just as you feel like they won't understand you because of your background, you aren't giving them a chance because of their background." You looked up at her. She was still smiling.

You chuckled. "You really do suck." You then sat up straight. "Hey, how are other people like with your sneaky forwardness?"

She waved off the question. "Oh, I'm usually not like this at all. I normally have to go through this journey with them until they figure it out on their own. I figured you weren't like that and would prefer someone who wouldn't baby you. It's actually quite nice to get straight forward answers back."

You genuinely smiled. "I'm sorry doctor, I think I underestimated you."

She had a different smile on this time. "Hm. Tell me something that your new friends don't know about you."

"That's kinda hard. One of them ran a background check on me."

She chose not to push her luck and not ask about that. "Well, it can be a small fact."

You let out a sigh and looked down again. "I mean, I was at the store the other day and bought them all keychains. Once I brought them to school I realized how worthless this would be to them. So I just kept them.

"Pushing for a better relationship with your friends will maybe let them push with you. They might like the gifts. You don't know until you try it."

"Thanks doctor." You smiled at her.

"One last question, how did you act with your old friends? Were you touchy feely or more to yourself?"

"Um, touchy feely I guess." You then thought about how you and your friends never really had respect for each other's boundaries, though none of you cared. "Really touchy feely actually."

"Try to work on getting to that level with your new friends." She then checked the time. "Oh, it seems we just ended our session. I'm glad we got this far, and there's so much more to talk about. I'll see you next week."

"Yeah, okay." You smiled and got up.

"Oh, dear,"

You stopped. "Yeah?"

"Why don't you give your old friends a call? You seem like you miss them."

"Okay." You said, chirpy. "Bye!"

You walked back to the physical exam area, and everyone was just about finished. All your friends stared at you as you silently walked over to them. You didn't say anything and looked spaced out.

"Y/n," Tamaki quietly asked. "Are you mad at us for sending you to therapy? You're making a face."

"I'm just thinking senpai." You didn't look at him.

"About quitting the club?!" He grabbed you by the shoulders.

You gently poked his face and pushed it away with your finger. "About whether or not I should give you guys something." The bell rang and you looked at the twins. "Oh, let's go guys. Bye everyone."

Nobody said anything. You went to your class silently. "Uh, y/n?" Hikaru asked.

"Hm?" You turned to them.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Kaoru asked.

You smiled and hugged them both. "I'm sure."

After school you decided to use your phone and call the one person you know who also has a phone. The other two were also there, and the three were planning to see you as a surprise on Monday. Luckily, Jasmine can't keep a surprise to save her life.

You entered the host club with a big smile, setting down your bag to turn and see all the boys staring at you. "What?" You asked, still smiling. "Oh! The gifts."

"So you actually did get us something?" Kaoru asked.

"Yup." You brought them out of your backpack and walked over to Mori. You handed him a keychain of a small black belt. "I heard someone say you were in kendo, so I thought this would be nice."

He smiled and patted the top of your head. "Thanks."

You excitedly nodded and bent down to Honey, giving him a bunny keychain. "I thought it would kinda remind you of usa-chan if you two were ever apart."

His eyes shown as he held it in his hands. "Cute! Thanks y/n-chan!"

You walked over to the twins, handing them a tweedle dee and tweedle dum keychains. You didn't know how to explain this one, so all you did was nervously chuckle.

"Get it?" They only stared at it and back at you as you awkwardly walked away and went to Kyoya. You gave him a paintbrush keychain. "One of my clients told me you could paint?"

He smiled and took the gift. "Hm. Thank you y/n."

You grinned and walked over to Tamaki. He was like a puppy who was excited to get a treat. You didn't take any notice in the blush on his face, nervous yourself that he'd say something about the piss poor gift. You put a small bear keychain in his hand.

"I know you have a teddy bear like this, and I've seen your dorky led pencil with the bear on it." An arrow went through him. "So I thought this would be a nice addition."

"No offense," Hikaru said, staring at the gift in his hand. Everybody turned their heads to him. "But you know these are kinda useless to us right?"

You frowned, but quickly replaced it with a smile. "Yeah," you nervously chuckled. "I'm sorry. It's stupid, I don't even know why I got them. Sorry." You then quickly began to walk away. "I'm gonna get my stuff set up."

You made some special tea for your first guest since she mentioned last time it was her favorite. While you were doing this, Tamaki stormed over to Hikaru. "What was that about?"

"What?" He shrugged. "It's true. I don't get why everyone's acting like this is some treasure."

Kyoya began writing in his book. "According to my sources, y/n also gave her friends back home keychains. It's a gift that she can afford, but it seems to only be something that she only gives to those she holds dear." They all looked back at Kyoya, who was still writing. "Don't you think it's peculiar that right after she talked to her therapist, y/n said that she felt comfortable giving us each a gift?"

Kaoru didn't know what to say, and Tamaki grabbed Hikaru's shoulder. "Listen to me." He said quietly. "You have to apologize to y/n. She wanted to do something nice for you, and you showed your gratitude like a slap in the face to her."

He looked over to you in an annoyed manner, walking over and tapping your shoulder. You flinched but still mustered up a smile. Before he could say anything, the host doors opened.

He didn't get the chance to say anything for the next three hours, as you were always busy with a new guest. Over the three hours guilt began to plague him. Why was he feeling bad? It was a harmless fact. His chest felt heavy.

Finally when they were all gone, you began cleaning as quickly as possible. He tried to slyly get closer to you, but you noticed and kept moving to a new area quickly. It was annoying him. "Hey," he called out to you in a demanding tone. "Are you mad at me or something?"

You didn't look in his direction, busying yourself with cleaning. "No. Why do you say that?"

"Tch." He didn't have patience for the feelings inside him. "Why are you avoiding me then?!"

You, as well as the other hosts, were surprised by the sudden outburst. You let out a sigh, turning to face him and giving him a smile. "Did I do something wrong? I'm sorry that you had to raise your voice at me."

"Why are you still being nice?" He said in a quiet manner, embarrassed for yelling at you for no important reason. "I just yelled at you."

"Um, I'm sure you're used to having people's full attention." You offered a shrug, your smile still sticking. "People who're raised by hearing a lot of yes's are usually bound to be more demanding. It's only natural, so it's whatever."

"No it's not!" He raised his voice again. "You should be getting mad at others being rude to you. Don't be such a pushover!"

His words stung, and you dropped your smile. "Don't call me that." You said a little forcefully.

"You know what? Next time you go to therapy, work on that!" You didn't say anything and angrily continued cleaning while everybody stared at Hikaru. Tamaki was being held back by Kaoru, while Hikaru was just staring at you. Damnit. This was supposed to be an apology, but he made things worse. "Y/n—"

"No."

Your simple demand got everyone's eyes to you. Kaoru and Tamaki held each other from how scary you looked, while Hikaru stepped a few paces back. After a few seconds he was ready to retaliate with another comment, but before he could he was pulled back by Kaoru.

"Hikaru, try to calm down." Kaoru offered.

This got him angrier. "I don't even need her to forgive me! It's always been me and you, and we never needed anyone else! Why should that change now?"

They both stopped when they noticed you sadly staring at them. You then looked back at your cart full of dishes and rolled it away. When you came back you only saw one twin bashfully staring at you.

"Look y/n, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said those things, and—"

You began to giggle. "Wow, I never knew people thought of me as so much of an idiot to really not think I can tell some twins apart. Nice try Kaoru." He looked at you, shocked. You kept walking, before stopping to quickly say "I appreciate you trying though."

You walked over to the other twin, who was tied up and squirming under Tamaki's foot. You motioned for Tamaki to back down, which he did as you sat down next to the tied up twin, pulling down the tie over his mouth. "What was that for boss?!"

"If you cannot respect a woman properly, you will have to handled improperly!" You flashed Tamaki a smile for the comment, and he began rolling on the ground and muttering about how cute you are.

You turned to look at Hikaru, who angrily looked away from you. "So, I get it now." You grinned.

"Get what?" He shyly looked over to you.

"Why you're so nonchalant about everybody. It's because you're used to only relying on one person your whole life." He looked at you in awe. You really understood that. "Honestly, it's pretty amazing to look at. I wish I had a life companion like that."

"But don't—"

"Nope, still not gonna talk about that anytime soon. The point is, I get why you weren't concerned about my feelings, and the important thing is that you're thinking about them now...kinda. As long as you're actually sorry then all is good."

He looked away from you and muttered a sorry. You nodded and untied him, standing up to face the others. You let out a sigh and bowed politely. "I sincerely apologize for the unnecessary drama I brought to the club."

You felt a strong hand pull on your arm to lift you back up. You looked up to see Tamaki gently smiling. "Don't think you have to put your head down for us, and stop thinking of yourself as an outlier. We all enjoy your company."

You smiled back, and remembered what your therapist and you talked about. Try to become touchy feely with them. They're all still your friends.

You wrapped your arms around his neck, quietly saying, "Thank you senpai." You pulled back and saw Tamaki as a blushing mess, causing you to quickly yank back. "Sorry! Ugh, I knew I shouldn't have listened to my therapist about being more touchy feely."

"Actually," the twins said as they came to each of your side, back to their flirty selves. "You can do that with us!"

You let out a breathy chuckle. "You guys are so bipolar and I love it." You then walked over the Kyoya. "Are we all still hanging out tomorrow?"

He wrote in his book. "Oh course. Have you decided where we'll go?"

"Yup!" You grinned. "The swap meet!"

"Swap meet?" The twins asked.

"Well, I think you guys call it a flee market here in Japan." You then looked back at the twins. "Call me tomorrow morning so we can pick everyone up and go."

"Roger!" They saluted.

"Wait, y/n," Tamaki said.

"I'm sorry I made you uncomfortable Tamaki-senpai. I'll be less touchy with you from now on."

"Wait y/n! I did like the hug, I promise!" He sobbed.

You giggled. "You don't have to lie to make me feel better. Well, gotta go. Bye guys!" And with that, you left.

"Mama~"

"Is there a problem Tamaki?" Kyoya slyly smiled.

"What if y/n won't hug me anymore?! Who else would she hug?"

"Hm. Well, she could always come to any of the other host members—"

"Are you saying you would let my little girl hug you and smother you with love?!" He barked.

"Hm, if it helps her, then I suppose." Everybody else left Tamaki crying in the music room.

---

Author's Note: Well, I don't know about you guys but this chapter felt like hot garbage to me.

---

Tag List: @krustykrabbspizza @animefan7420 @strangerthingsholland @the-dead-fucking-sea @blue-eyez-7 @i-bitch-you-bitch @sylumsart

236 notes · View notes

itsbenedict · 3 years

Text

Two-Faced Jewel: Session 12

Foolish Heroes of Barley

A half-elf conwoman (and the moth tasked with keeping her out of trouble) travel the Jewel in search of, uh, whatever a fashionable accessory is pointing them at. [Campaign log]

Last time, the party had returned to Barley to deal with a few loose ends. They've been staying in town for a while, waiting for their hired Deathseekers to deal with the dragon in the tower. This session, their stay comes to an end, and as you can see from the image here, they don't get into any trouble whatsoever.

A few other things happen before their fateful final night in town:

Kevin Softbreeze, the herbalist from the Deathseekers, visits town and sells Looseleaf some magic flowers that repel demons- though they're not very potent, and she'll need to stop by his garden in Cauterdale if she wants some seeds to try growing. Saelhen buys some potent knockout drops.

The villagers appear to still be arming themselves and preparing for battle with Wheat- since they didn't mention Arnie as the culprit at all, and tried to pin it on the dragon directly, Malath is still skeptical that they're totally safe from invasion, and defensive preparations continue.

Rumors spread that Chitch has gone missing, but no one can find the body. The party spreads rumors of their own- true ones- that Chitch went to go find his daughter after learning that the pain-wizard is dead.

On their fifth night in the village- somewhat earlier than expected- they notice something outside the window of their rooms in the inn. Lumiere's tower, previously unnoticeable, is suddenly aglow with some sort of yellow cylindrical magic barrier, made up of hexagonal panels.

Looseleaf rouses the rest of the party- the plan is to watch from a distance, and not interfere. A very loud roar is heard in the distance, which is suddenly cut off in the middle- it seems the Deathseekers have sprung their trap.

It's not too much longer after that when they begin to hear screams from around them in the village.

Saelhen's elf eyes spot... something rustling in the fields around the village. All of them. Quite a lot of somethings. Except despite the rustling, she can't make out anything but barley stalks. And the nothing- the hordes of nothing- is moving towards the tower.

The party leaps into action, heading downstairs with weapons drawn. On the ground floor, they see... something sort of familiar. Those Greed Echoes, the mud-and-grass monsters they fought on the road- one of them is forming itself out of broken bottles, dust, and wooden planks uprooted from the floor of the Harvester Inn. Cassie, the innkeeper, is watching in terror, knuckles white gripping a frying pan.

Congratulations! You're both right! The dragon is summoning an army of hateful Justice Echoes powered by the roused hatred of Wheat that's been stirred up in town!

Oyobi thinks fast, and oneshots the echo in the kitchen with an arrow, shattering a bottle that'd become its core. The screams outside continue, though, and the party exits the inn to find panicked villagers fleeing their homes. Justice Echoes made primarily from twisted stalks of barley have formed in their fields and homes, taking the weapons amassed for self-defense from their owners. They attack only those who resist, and make their way towards the tower.

Looseleaf: Let's just attack some hate-plague spirits and see if they decide to attack us instead. If they don't attack us at all, then we can just ignore them and run leisurely next to them and pick them off as we go. If they attack us, then it's a regular fight. "We're up to do some heroism this fine night, right, team?" Oyobi Yamatake: "Obviously!" Orluthe Chokorov: "Uh, I don't have that one prepared, do I? Uh..." Vayen: Saelhen du Fishercrown: "I am up to rub Mother K's face in the super obvious consequences of her actions while incidentally preventing pointless suffering." "Go team! Woo!"

Looseleaf starts us off by rending the spirit of the closest barley-monster, using her new Painspike ability to make the target Frightened of her.

However... these monsters have no purpose except to attack that which they fear, so rather than the normal effect of being Frightened, Looseleaf has now drawn aggro from this monster. Which is kind of what she wanted! So, that's a win! She now has a way to goad the enemy!

The party takes some swings at the monsters, knocking a couple out, but most of them seem to just be ignoring them, continuing to run through the fields towards the tower. They could become a problem for the Deathseekers if they're not dealt with- or for Wheat, for that matter.

Backup arrives in the form of Malath Kanthalga, who perceives these events as- what else?- an attack by Wheat. She's screaming, demanding to know who's responsible, and smashing echoes apart with her mace. Still, the echoes are mostly ignoring the village- they're grabbing anything they can find to use as a weapon, sort of ransacking the place, but most of them are just fleeing.

So Saelhen comes up with an extremely well-timed plan. It's a really good plan, I love it, and I'm excited to hit them with the consequences of her plan- until Looseleaf issues a timely bit of advice:

Saelhen du Fishercrown: Saelhen dashes (Cunning Action), steps forward, inhales a great gulp of breath... "FOOLISH HEROES OF BARLEY!" she bellows. "WHILE YOU FUTILELY WASTE YOURSELVES AGAINST WHEAT'S DEFENSES, I, THE SECRET SHADOW MAYOR OF WHEAT, WILL BE HERE BURNING YOUR HOMES!" "AND ALSO MENACING YOUR CITIZENS WITH MY PERMISSIVE IDEOLOGY!" She waves her hooded lantern, unlit, above her head, to drive the point home. "WHO AMONG YOU CAN STOP ME AND DELIVER JUSTICE? NO ONE, PROBABLY, I ASSUME!"

Vayen, in a surprising show of, let's call it camaraderie, is very much in support of this plan for some reason! He takes a break from his busy schedule of doing absolutely nothing every turn in combat to cast a helpful illusion, to ensure as many monsters aggro Saelhen as possible!

A few more rounds of combat ensue, with a good chunk of the monsters- including a few very large building-sized hulks- immediately turning to kill Saelhen. The party gets some good hits in, and Saelhen gets a little roughed up. She... would like maybe fewer things to be attacking her, actually.

Saelhen du Fishercrown: "Their attention is on me, Mother Kanthalga, the secret mayor of Wheat this entire time, but you might be able to calm their anger! These creatures were born from this town's... collective mind, or something, they may listen to you if you order them to stand down!" Benedict I. (GM): Not with advantage, but a 22... "Wh... what? What are you saying? That's..." She hesitates, then speaks, in a booming voice she- well, you spent a few days here, you know she reserves it for sermons. "STAND DOWN! The time to strike against our foe has not yet come!" "We must be prudent! We must defend ourselves, not attack!" [DEFEND OURSELVES,] the echoes agree, continuing to bear down on Saelhen. Saelhen du Fishercrown: Worth a shot!

It doesn't seem like these things are hugely receptive to emotional appeals or logical argument- they have the one emotion, which they're made of, and they don't super do other ones.

In the following combat rounds, Saelhen... takes a few more hits, which she is not designed to do on account of being a rogue.

Saelhen du Fishercrown: WHY DID I NOT DECLARE ORLUTHE THE SECRET SHADOW MAYOR

More echoes emerge from the fields and attack, and Saelhen is starting to look really rough- and Vayen just keeps the illusion on her, not actually helping in any way. Until... one of them goes for Looseleaf, instead. When it starts looking like she might be in danger, he fires off a bolt of blue electricity, which begins to singe one of the monsters attacking her for damage every turn. He's... a higher-level spellcaster than anyone else in the party, apparently!

Looseleaf, with a little room to maneuver, unfolds her wings and takes to the air- up and out of reach of the smaller monsters, drawing their aggro and forcing them to waste turns. Meanwhile, Orluthe and Oyobi, backed up by Malath and a couple of villagers who've reclaimed their weapons, cut down a few more echoes as more surge forth from the fields to replace them.

Saelhen... keeps trying to persuade Malath to persuade the echoes to stop. She does very well at persuading Malath to try that! Malath tries that, wholeheartedly, once again to no effect! Eventually, Malath stops trying.

Saelhen du Fishercrown: "Would you consider coming to them as a trusted comrade, who trained them to protect them, rather than the one leading them off to war? Maybe?" Malath Kanthalga: "I am going to come to them as a very angry warrior with a mace," she growls. Saelhen du Fishercrown: "Okay! Okay, fair enough. Spiritual remedies off the table, understood."

Orluthe is getting really tired, and keeps whiffing his swings- it's touch-and-go for a while. But Saelhen and Looseleaf's frantic attempts to kite enemies out of range have been paying off, and they manage to down the remaining super-hulks juuuuust before anyone dies.

Benedict I. (GM): Y'know, it's possible that making the two squishiest members of the party draw aggro was not the number one best strategic move Saelhen du Fishercrown: IT MAYBE WASN'T, NO Looseleaf: eh, it's worked out so far!

The combat wraps up, and we transition to a bunch of Athletics rolls to chase down and terminate as many of the smaller echoes as possible. They build a firepit in the center of town, to dispose of defeated echoes in- just in case that's necessary, because who knows what kind of magic is animating these guys.

So after a wild night of chasing, taunting, fleeing, and burning justice echoes- well, it's not so much a wild night as a wild twenty minutes or so- there's a point at which the fields just suddenly fall silent. A pair of echoes chasing Saelhen fall to the ground, inert.

With a good roll...

Saelhen du Fishercrown: "...of course, you're free to dismiss this as the ramblings of a crazed outsider. But keep in mind, Mother Kanthalga, that the ones who fell upon your town, tore it apart in a frenzy of violence, and stabbed you repeatedly for your pains, endangering your people, your daughter and your livelihoods, were repeating the words you taught them." Benedict I. (GM): Malath winces. "That... I don't know why they..." Saelhen du Fishercrown: "...think on it. You're reasonable people, around here. You can come to your own conclusions." Benedict I. (GM): "I tell you, I did not make these things! If not for..." She's kind of lost for words. "...Apologies. I have much work to do," she says, and leaves.

After some work mending the village and cleaning up the aftermath, Looseleaf heads back into the inn to check on Vayen, who hasn't been helping at all and is instead drunk at the bar. He asks "Did she make it?"- and Looseleaf gets a nat 20 on Insight.

She's pretty sure that he was talking about Saelhen- and that he sounded almost hopeful. He was unusually jazzed about a plan that involved her being attacked by a horde of angry monsters- and he chose to shoot the echo that was attacking her, not the one bearing down on Saelhen with a bunch of its friends. When she informs him Saelhen survived, she's able to tell he's disappointed.

Saelhen du Fishercrown: so he doesn't hate us, as a group he hates saelhen specifically Looseleaf: But also weirdly- okay, what if: what if he actually has an ancestral quest involving that bracer and he's mad that saelhen beat him to the punch and furthermore used it as a shitty cover story Saelhen du Fishercrown: saelhen going THE DE LA SURPLUS ANCESTRAL QUEST IS REAL???

Looseleaf switches to talking to Vayen via her spirit-magic imitation of the Message spell.

Looseleaf: (Like, Vayen, everything you're doing is about Saelhen in some way or other. And I can't figure out why. You seem pretty much ambivalent towards all of us except for her. I don't get it. If you want Saelhen dead, why haven't you just killed her? I saw that lightning bolt- if you wanted, I bet you could take all of us, in a straight fight.) (You're sending real mixed signals. If you want her dead, why isn't she dead? Why do you want her to be dead via a hand other than your own?) Vayen: He locks up. And then sighs. Looseleaf: (And now you're sitting here sounding all tired and sad and I feel bad about that.) (I dunno, do you want to, uh, talk about it, with someone.) Vayen: "I don't... want her... to be dead," he says, clearly choosing his words carefully. "I have nothing against her." Looseleaf: (Then it's the- bracer??) Vayen: I'm letting that one Insight roll do a lot of work here, but he definitely reacts to that. "I- um, no," he says, lying. Looseleaf: (There is literally nothing significant about Saelhen other than her bracer, unless you plan on telling me that your deepest desire is to defeat the dance emperor of Kanzentokai in a danceoff and reclaim your ancestral throne of dancing glory.) (Which, granted, if that's the case, that'd be amazing.) Vayen: "I don't know what you're- that's not..." "It's all coincidence. Whatever you're thinking. I don't have- I don't have anything against- Saelhen? Noeru?" Looseleaf: (Look, I- okay, here's how I see things. I don't know how the bracer works, it's weird magic stuff, but the way I see it, there's two major ways the bracer could work.) (That is, you either want the bracer for yourself, because whatever it does or whatever you need it for, you need to be the one wearing it- OR, you just need anybody willing to use the bracer to do whatever it is the bracer's supposed to do.) Vayen: "...Can you not?" "I- I have a job." "I have an important job." "It's from the School of Restricted Arts." Looseleaf: "Well, tell us about the dang important job then! Maybe we can help you with it." "I don't get why you're preassuming that we'd never do anything you might want us to do." Vayen: "It's from the School of- are you listening?" "It's secret." "Look, it's- you don't need to worry about it, okay?" Looseleaf: "Hhhhhrlgkrkshxzshktkrrrzzzzktttttkzzz," Looseleaf says, reverting to her natural dialect in a brief moment of frustration. Vayen: "Sure, it's easier if- I mean, she- that was her idea, she wanted to..." "I just- I can just..." "As long as I can keep an eye on..." He groans. "I shouldn't be talking to you." "You're not in the School." Looseleaf: "Okay, just- hhhjkkkkkrkxxxxxtk." Vayen:"Are... you okay?" He's never asked a question like that before. Looseleaf: (I'm fine, that's just how we express frustration, our throats don't naturally conform to making sounds like 'hrrrrrgh', whenever I do that it's a performative thing that I do to adhere to human expectations- look, the big reason why I'm trying to, pound my way through your portcullis of secrecy with a twenty-foot battering ram of blunt communication,) (is because right now Saelhen is like, probably 80% convinced you're trying to poison her in your sleep.) (Seriously, this amount of in-party distrust is, like, way too Ccorde-damned much.) Vayen: "I wouldn't do that," he says. "If I were going to do that, I'd have done it already. Looseleaf: (If you'd express, in a credible way, that you're actually just trying to get Saelhen to do whatever it is she'd do anyways, she'd feel a lot better about it!) (And then she might even work with you to further your goals directly!) Vayen: He doesn't say anything for a little while. "...This is stupid." "This isn't even- it's wrong, even." "Maybe that's why." Man, that bottle he's holding is emptier than you thought it'd be. He's only been here less than half an hour. "Don't try to- guh, friends. He'll never- stupid. What's the point." He sort of collapses on the bar.

Vayen, it seems, can't hold his liquor. Looseleaf... carries him back up to his room.

Next time: the party finally leaves Barley, for good this time! And also a minor medical emergency happens, and also they kidnap a twelve-year-old, but like, it's fine. It'll be fine. Don't worry about it.

#twofaced jewel #tfj log

2 notes · View notes

nothingbutfangirlsmut · 4 years

Text

The Trials of Emi

Pairing: A little Minho. A sprinkle of Frypan. Gally x Emi(OC)

Summary: Emi, her twin brother Thomas, and a small group of gladers had been rescued and taken to a safe haven. Or so it seemed. It doesn't take long for Thomas to realize something is wrong. What happens next is a true trial for all of them but Emi's trials began the moment she was ripped away from a dying Gally. Watching someone you love die right before your eyes truly takes a toll.

Finally meeting the right arm could have been the end but betrayal leads to even more chaos and loss. A new mission to rescue those taken from them leads them to a city. The last city. After Emi finally comes to terms with everything that's happened something unfolds that changes everything again. She will have to not only deal with helping her brother take down WCKD and save their friend but also deal with all the new problems in her head and her heart.

Rating: As of right now it’s at most PG13. Some strong language that’s about it but it could change.

(This is the 2nd part/book to my other story "The Maze trials: A Gally Fanfiction". This will cover the events of the scorch trails and the death cure.)

Chapter Twelve

Six months. It took six long months for us to finally reach the place Vince had told us about. We immediately made the place our base. Vince and some others made the decision to see if they could get one of the old docked ships fixed up enough to use. We needed a way to the safe haven after all. If we had a ship we could get far away from WCKD but we had other things to get done first.

I was currently sitting next to Fry watching Jorge and Brenda argue over what was needed to fix one of the jeeps. Over the past six months, I had spent most of my free time with Fry. He’d been there for me on all my bad days and nights. He comforted me and made me laugh. I could feel the two of us growing closer but I was careful to keep the line drawn. As much as I adored Fry I couldn’t give him more than my friendship. Not yet anyway. He knew that and was incredibly good-hearted about it. He had his arm over the back of my chair as I leaned against him.

"We got it!" Thomas and Newt both shouted as they ran out of one of the old buildings.

I jumped at their sudden outburst. The two boys sat down in front of us looking excited and out of breath.

"We found them!" Thomas said excitedly.

The four of us shared a surprised look as we starred at Thomas. We'd completely lost WCKD for months. The trail was completely cold and now they suddenly knew where to find them?

"What did you find?" Jorge asked.

"We got a transmission. There's a train coming threw about an hour or two from here. It's hauling a bunch of the immunes to a new location." Newt said quickly.

"How do we find this train?" I asked them.

"We passed the track on our way here." Thomas smiled.

"So what's the plan?" Brenda asked.

"We'll need a few more hands. I'm thinking Harriet and Vince. Maybe a few more." Thomas said.

"I'll get Harriet," I told him.

He nodded.

"I'll get Vince. Fry and Newt see if you can get us a few more hands." Thomas ordered.

We each nodded then hopped up to do as he said. I found Harriet in one of the buildings going threw supplies.

"Hey H," I said to get her attention.

She looked up at me and smiled.

"Emi, what can I do for you?" She asked setting down the supplies in her hand.

"We found them," I told her simply.

Her smile grew even wider as she laughed.

"Where?" She asked quickly.

"On a train that's gonna pass close by," I informed her.

"What do you need?" She asked walking around the table she was standing at.

"Thomas has a plan but he said he needed a few extra hands. Thought we'd see if you were interested." I explained.

"Hell yea! Let's do it!" She cheered.

Harriet followed me out of the building then back up to where Jorge and Brenda were working on some of the trucks. Fry and Newt were there with about four others. Thomas hadn't made it back with Vince yet.

"Who are they?" I asked pointing at the newcomers.

"I'm Alex," one boy said with a charming smile as he extended his hand to me.

"I'm Emi," I told him as I shook his hand.

"You're Thomas' sister right?" He asked.

I nodded.

"It's amazing none of us realized it immediately. You two look like the same bloody person." Newt chuckled.

“That’s Ashley, Drake, and Eric,” Fry said pointing to the other three.

"Good you're all here," Thomas said from behind me.

I turned to see him and Vince with two other boys. They joined the group.

"Here's the plan. Jorge and Brenda will take one jeep. Vince and I will take another. Brenda and Jorge will be our distraction as Vince and I get on the train. Newt, you and Emi will be close by with torches to get the compartment loose. These two, Daniel and Greg, will be with Newt and Emi for added protection. Harriet, Fry, and the rest of you will be our hidden backup to jack the aircraft they will most likely send in for help. Brenda, you and Jorge will need to lead that aircraft to them. Once you take it you need to come back to the train to get the compartment and us." Thomas explained.

"When is this going down?" I asked him.

"In two days around midday. We will discuss more details once we have all the equipment we need." Thomas said.

We all nodded then went our separate ways to gather what was needed. Over the next day, we went over every small detail of the plan. It seemed we had every possible outcome thought up and dealt with. When the day finally arrived Brenda and Jorge took Fry, Alex, Ashley, Drake, Eric, and Harriet to where they needed to be while Thomas and Vince dropped me, Newt, Daniel, and Greg off to hide close to the tracks.

"Be careful out there," I told both Vince and Thomas as they climbed back in their jeep.

As they drove off Newt and I took cover behind a larger boulder. Daniel and Greg each hid behind their own boulder. Thomas would signal us when he needed us.

"How are things going with you two?" I asked Newt as we sat in the dirt.

He chuckled.

"Pretty great actually." He smiled.

"I'm glad things worked out for you two," I told him happily.

"Thanks Em" he chuckled.

"Are things getting better for you?" He asked.

I thought about it for a second. Things did seem better. I was sleeping threw the night and didn't feel like the weight of the world was on my shoulders. I felt like I'd finally made my peace.

"Yea, I'm good. It's been rough dealing with losing him but I've finally come to grips with it. I have enough memories of him to keep me going." I smiled at him.

"Maybe one of these days you can completely move on and give all that love you have to someone else. Maybe Fry.” Newt said softly.

I chuckled at that.

"I doubt it. I may have come to terms with Gally's death but I don't think any other guy, even Fry, will ever be able to make me feel like he did. If I happened to meet a guy who did then maybe but I don't think that will happen." I shrugged.

“What is going on with you and Fry then?” Newt asked.

“We are friends,” I said simply.

“Looks like a bit more than friends to me and Tommy.” Next chuckled softly.

“No, just friends. He’s been there for me while everyone else has been so busy. He did confess to me that he’d like to be more than a friend to me one day but he knows that’s a while down the road.” I explained.

“So he is your friend for now until you’re ready to completely move on?” Next asked with a smirk.

“Yea, sure” I chuckled softly.

A train whistled in the distance instantly gaining mine and Newt's attention. We righted ourselves to wait for the action to begin. We could hear the train getting closer and closer. It was traveling pretty fast from the sound of it. I barely peeked around the boulder to see the engine not far from us.

"Brenda and Jorge should already be close to it," I said aloud.

It didn't take long for the engine to reach us. I couldn't see the end of the train but I knew that was where Thomas and Vince were.

"They're on top," Newt said.

I could see two shadows running across the top of the train.

"They have company," Newt said worriedly.

On the opposite side of the train, coming from the engine, was four or five people running towards Thomas and Vince.

"What do we do?" I asked him trying not to panic.

"Nothing, we wait for Tommy's signal," Newt said slowly.

I watched as Thomas and Vince's figures dropped between the compartments. I could hear shots being fired in the distance then a loud explosion. The back half of the train came to a screeching halt. We stayed hidden until Thomas called for us.

A loud whistle rang out. Newt popped up to check it out.

"Newt!" Vince shouted.

"Let's go! Move!" Newt said gesturing for me and the other two boys to follow him.

We ran over to the train as fast as we could. I could hear Thomas on the other side shouting for Minho. The kids inside the compartment we're shouting back. Newt went to the side Thomas was on while I dropped down on the other side.

I pulled my goggles on over my eyes as I pulled out my torch. I got to work as quickly as I could to cut through the thick metal. Thomas and Vince climbed on top of the compartment to start hooking the ropes together. Daniel and Greg were standing on the ground trying to hold off the WCKD guards.

"Newt, how you doing?" Thomas asked loudly.

"Don't rush me!" I heard Newt shout.

"Emi" Thomas said coming to my side of the train.

"Working on it!" I shouted up to him.

Shots rang out in our directions making me jump. I kept my eyes on the torch but I could hear the bullets hitting the metal all around me.

"Newt! Emi! Get up here!" Thomas shouted.

Daniel and Greg were already climbing on top of the compartment.

"Almost done!" Newt shouted back at him.

"Newt! Go!" I heard Vince shout from the other side of the train.

"Emi get your ass up here now!" Thomas shouted down at me.

I finished cutting threw the metal then shoved the torch back in my bag. I slung my bag over my shoulder as I started to climb up the ladder. The boys were lying down and I was quick to join them as a bullet zipped right past me.

"Where the hell are they?" Newt questioned loudly.

"I don't know!" Thomas shouted back as he tried to shoot down some of our attackers.

The sound of a large aircraft had me and Newt rolling onto our backs as Thomas, Daniel, and Greg kept shooting. The aircraft hovered right above us then the bay door opened. I could see Brenda and Fry smiling down at us as they released the large hook. Thomas, Newt, and I jumped to our feet to grab it.

"Come on!" Thomas shouted as he tried to jump for the hook.

"Lower!" Newt shouted.

Thomas grabbed the hook. He and Newt tried to pull it down faster. When we could we quickly hooked all the ropes onto it.

"Go! Go!" Thomas shouted up to our friends inside the craft.

Slowly the ropes started to lift.

"Vince! Get up here!" Newt shouted.

The compartment started to lift off its frame.

"Now Vince!" Thomas shouted.

Vince jumped grabbing the bottom of the ladder. He climbed up quickly as we rose higher into the air.

"Yea!" Thomas shouted excitedly.

We did it. We actually did it. We just stole a whole damn train compartment full of immunes from WCKD. Damn this felt good.

—

#nothingbutfangirlsmut #fanfiction #gally #gally imagine #gally smut #gally x reader #the maze runner #the maze trials #tmr gally #original character #the trials of emi

21 notes · View notes

dapper-ships-herself · 4 years

Text

@dokiqx @raudrfox2

The answer changes a bit depending on the s/i, so I'm gonna start with more general and like personal and then go into my s/is.

Dazai and I both, let's say wrestle with certain feelings about life and the world around us. When it feels like you're adrift and very little matters, it helps a great deal to have someone to ground you, and that's Dazai and I for each other. When the world is cruel, we can reach out our hands and feel the warmth, and through that feel safe and real. Neither of us are used to letting ourselves be fully vulnerable to the people around us, we're always masking something, maybe not for entirely the same reasons, but we are. Our relationship is when we both let those walls fall bit by bit, letting go of fear and trepidation. He never even thought he could feel real love before, both of us had thought we weren't worthy of it.

And Dazai is a genius, he's amazing and confident in his abilities, he can see straight through pretty much anyone, so I think why would he even want me, I'm so boring and predictable, I'm not a fan of taking risks and putting myself out there. But Dazai sees all my good qualities, he appreciates my strong empathy and my compassion, he sees how even though I struggle with my own worth I put so much worth into the lives around me, and I have a fun way of thinking about a lot of things, I'm creative bright even when I think I'm not. I become like a fresh, sunny spring day for his soul. And Dazai, his hands are so stained and his mind so jaded, even as he works to redeem himself and be on the side that saves people, he thinks there's too much darkness to ever truly be washed away. But I know that even though he's done a lot of bad, what matters most is what he's doing now; he's trying so hard to be good, to move away from the darkness that only acted as a negative feedback loop for him, that was never good for a boy with a mind like his. He is actively trying to be a good man, and I remind him of that. Neither of us are ever going to be perfect, but that's fine when we're together through our flaws. And through it all, we help each other see the beautiful things to live for.

Okay, now let's go into some specifics for the s/is.

ADA! Gillian has been through some pretty deep trauma with the loss of her little sister when they were kids, and at the time she thought she'd never ever recover from that and stay in the emotionless darkness forever, but with the help of Fukuzawa and Ranpo and the other agency members, she was able to heal. Despite the guilt and trauma that still sticks to her, how easy it would be to write the world off as simply cruel and uncaring, that's not her style. She loves the world, she loves the people in it, she knows that there's darkness but that only means that the rest of them should try their hardest to spread as much love and compassion as they can to balance that out. To Dazai, her unwavering light is strange but so calming. She's so strong in her determination to protect her family and everyone and everything that needs saving, it really touches something in him. She teaches him that it's okay, that they deserve to laugh and love and live, and she helps show him how to actively view the world for it's good parts. Even if someday it's hard, some days she's sad and can't forget the past, some days she tries very hard to push away the anger that festers in her at the unfairness that abounds, she still tries and now they can stand by each other's sides and try together. And he also knows what it's like to suffer and lose the one person who's most important, and he helps her confront the guilt that still clings to her, in fact that's something mutual. And she also, even though she accepts and appreciates her ability for how it lets her help people, it's also an ability that takes away a person's free will and can cause a lot of destruction, and she is afraid of the inherent evilness of it, and though Dazai respects how she's made the concious choice to only use it to help people, he sees her fear and helps her accept it.

Mafia! Gillian and Dazai probably have the most complicated relationship of all. Neither really wanted friends or saw the use of them, but they became each other's first real friend after he joins the mafia. They connect and resonate in a much stronger and more natural way than either were really prepared for; and then they were part of the quartet with Ango and Oda too, and she loved them all. She could be quoted as saying the three of them were probably the only things keeping her sane in the Port Mafia. And then she went away on a mission for a few weeks, no contact with her friends, and suddenly that little slice of joy she had was shattered, Oda was killed, Ango had been a double agent the whole time, and Dazai had abandoned her without so much as a good bye, much less and explanation. It sent her to a dark place for a while. She wanted to hate Dazai, and she certainly felt bitter, but she couldn't bring herself to hate him; how could she, really. She disliked being in the Port Mafia, but not only does she feel she'd have no where else to go, that if she left she'd be leaving her father, Ougai, aka the only person who's ever seen to genuinely want her around and stay that way, but her ability is literally to control darkness and too much light literally causes her pain and discomfort, it's clear to her that she was born to forever stay in the world of darkness and never be able to stand in the light. When she and Dazai eventually meet again four years after he left the mafia, there's a lot of complicated feelings too work through. She's bitter and angry and can't understand why he'd leave her like that if their friendship really meant anything; Dazai thought it was the right move at the time, he justified it to himself by reasoning that he knew she felt chained to the mafia and he had to leave quickly and cleanly in order to successfully rid himself of his dark past, he couldn't risk waiting for her to come back from her mission and having to convince her. But, really, he was afraid. After all, he's convinced that everything he desires will slip through his fingers the moment he obtains it. If he tried to hold on to the happiness she brought him and selfishly took her with him, he'd only bring her ruin some other way, and he wasn't deserving of her. He genuinely does regret it though, and it's not easy for him to admit that he was wrong but he knows that this is one instance where he was so terribly wrong. They have to work through these feelings in order to get anywhere, and she also has to realize that she does have the capability to step into the light, which she does partially with Dazai's help. There's a lot of fighting through the bullshit to finally be together.

Jekyll! Gillian takes the stuff mentioned earlier about always masking some part of ourselves to the extreme. Her ability, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, literally manifests her jaded view of the world into a physical creature of chaos, aka Hyde. And she rejects Hyde hardcore, that's why she's so unstable, destructive, and difficult to control, as well as hates her in return. She puts on the sugariest of sweet faces to try and mask this darkness, but Dazai is able to see it. He recognizes her mask easily, because he's basically doing the exact same thing. Eventually, after a lot of plot haha, they're able to help each other let go of their facades a bit and better accept themselves for who they are. They find this kinship in each other that honestly makes it easier for them to let go of their guards at least a little bit. They both hold a lot of jaded darkness with themselves, and they've both done some pretty terrible things and dirtied their hands, him in the mafia and her in the Order of the Clocktower, and they were both able to break away from that to try and become better people, and that's really nice for them to be able to relate to each other.

Circus! Gillian is, true to the name of her troupe the Circus of the Disillusioned, disillusioned about much of the world. It's dirty and cruel and not on your side. But, the circus always promoted family, the whole reason Voltaire formed the troupe was to attempt to not lay there and accept their wretched fate, that they as humans should try and create at least small pockets of a world more right and colorful. And this ideal stays with her. So yeah, they're both not huge fans of the world, but she has a more innate desire to change that, and she believes it's the duty of humans to fight through and not back away from the world through means like suicide (does that make sense? Trying to word it properly). So she actually is pretty, hm, disgusted is too strong of a word to use, she clashes a lot with Dazai's suicidal jokes. And she's too tsundere and jaded herself to outright be all flowery ~I will help you~, but that sort of discussion is a theme between them early on. Their abilities are foils for each other as well, Dazai is an ability nullifier, she's an ability amplifier, and that sort of reflects their views too.

Guild! Gillian at first seems to have the most innocent view of the world, after all she's rich and spoiled by her father, Francis. And she acts rather carefree too, like someone who's always been secure and never known difficulty. But she has known pain, and there's more than a naive rich girl beneath the surface. She's cunning and knows how to read people, she's been trained in the art of business since she was a child and had it drilled into her that you must never roll over for the world. She's also been taught that she's the daughter of the great Fitzgerald, which means she's meant for greatness too, and she hides it from her father but that's left her with a desperation to prove herself and live up to a great big shadow. But she's genuinely kind too, she loves the world for it's flaws and wants to support the people in it. So yeah, they're ways of thinking clash a bit, but at the same time they work perfectly in other aspects. At first, it's more like he's interested in her for the sort of contradictions she poses, but he starts to genuinely respect her and admire how she chooses to see kindness and work for it, how she takes things in to her own hands to make the world she sees in her mind real. And she respects him for his intellect and eventually for his resolve once she learns of his past. And respect is pretty much the bud that will bloom into love.

There's a lot of fighting to find the light in the dark and acceptance of ourselves.

I hope this was all coherent and not to rambly ha.

#self ship #selfship #self shipping #selfshipping #self insert #dapper answers #dazian #dapper inserts #dapper inserts: ada #dapper inserts: mafia #dapper inserts: jekyll #dapper inserts: circus #dapper inserts: guild

8 notes · View notes

sere22world · 4 years

Text

greening hollywood: organic hair care

John Masters hair care has become a pillar when looking for an organic hair care product line.

"When I first hung my banner" organic haircut "outside the New York City salon in 1994, people laughed and said," isn\'t all haircuts organic ? "

The master recalled.

At that time, John Masters and MayaSince had established a unique reputation for quality, natural hair care products worldwide.

\"Japan is our biggest market at the moment.

Many salons are imitating us, especially Denmark and Japan.

\"They are the Concept Salon of John Masters,\" he said . \".

He pointed out that when many of his clients were pregnant, they came to his salon first and suddenly became very excited.

Realize the kinds of chemicals equipments they come into contact with every day.

A similar study just released by the Environmental Working Group this week found that 20 14-year-old girls from eight states and Colombia had 16 toxic chemicals in blood and urine samples19. \"Hormone-

Changing chemicals should not exist in cosmetics, especially in products used by millions of young girls.

D. Report author and staff scientist of EWG.

Almost all body care products contain ingredients that have not been safely assessed by any federal agency, many of which contain chemicals related to cancer, birth defects and endocrine disorders.

The US Food and Drug Administration (FDA) does not require cosmetic processing machine companies to test the safety of products or ingredients before they are sold. Cosmetics is an industry worth $50 billion.

\"Most parents don\'t know. . .

They allow their [shampoo]kids]

\"The use may contain at least one chemical related to some serious health problems,\" Sutton said . \".

Of course, the same problem applies to ourselves and our children.

There is no real organic hair dye, but there is less and less hair dye for John Masters (

Open the skin axis to absorb suspicious carcinogenic chemicals of color)

Than the usual version.

The new products and services of masters have just made their debut.

Made of seaweed.

Based on silicone, this is a big breakthrough in hair care.

Seaweed extract imitates silica gel, but it is a vegetable silica gel.

If you\'re used to reaching out to get your Kerastase Hair finishing product to give your hair a shiny glow, try taking a look, it\'s a natural, non-natural

Dry \"glowing\" formula.

\"We\'re doing it again.

Prepare our entire skincare collection along with lavender and shampoo.

We are doing it better and cleaner.

\"We use aspen bark extract and radish root fermentation as preservatives,\" shared by Masters.

The next time you\'re in Manhattan, it\'s worth remembering that the Masters are \"clean --air\" salon.

For the master, it doesn\'t just mean ammonia

Free, no permanent.

His SoHo salon has an outdoor garden that uses wind energy.

\"We renovated the garden last year.

We turned this into a green space.

Simon Martinez and I worked with the Rainforest Alliance to take advantage of sustainable forests. It was a no-

It\'s smarter for me to use local Wood black locust wood so we don\'t have to import it.

My clients like to go out when their hair is colored-ammonia free -

Read a book or a magazine.

Sunlight helps the hair absorb color.

\"Masters explained that it was easy to power his salon in New York.

When you think about the overall environment, wind does cost a little more, but not, he says.

\"People must understand that it is not difficult,\" he said . \".

They used the Con Edison solution and simply registered it.

They give you 5% choices.

100% wind energy.

\"We chose 100%,\" says Masters . \"

\"We put the information at reception so that our customers can get it.

They signed so much.

Ups for our customers

People want to participate in green.

\"They just don\'t know how to do it,\" said Masters . \".

\"This whole thing about global warming is not a joke.

It\'s time to do something.

\"It is not enough to March alone, it is not enough to protest alone,\" said Jamar Hamadi, founder and owner of Hamadi beauty.

Jamal Hammadi, founder Hamadi BeautyHammadi, started his hair care series in 2000 while filming a film with Heather Graham.

He is her hair stylist and is responsible for changing her hair from blonde to blonde again within 3 days.

Jamar said: \"Heather is the final Hamadi girl, who is the girl of Hamadi\'s lifestyle.

He recalled that it was an experience.

\"I\'m training like crazy\"

The need to keep Graham\'s hair hydrated and healthy prompted him to devote himself to essential oils and homeopathy in France and the UK.

Hammadi says he works with many movie stars who equate beauty with conscience.

We did a lot of charity activities.

This is my voice in doing humanitarian things;

\"Political things, environmental things,\" he explained, creating his completely organic formula is his personal journey.

Although he quickly added, \"there is no organic product of 100%, no.

\"Not yet,\" he explained . \".

Hammadi said the whole organic beauty campaign was a change.

He blended plants like ylang.

Promoting the growth of hair

And good preservative bergamot-

His products.

He also easily recalls having a \"smell party\" when he made the route, where he would have 600 or more scents and invited his friends over.

\"The smell is very important to me,\" he admitted . \"

Jamar remembers that there were very few products when he started sending line.

The world has forgotten its hair.

I want to do something more natural.

Stylish and luxurious lifestyle-

Brand Y, or chemical-

He insisted: \"free.

Jamar knows that this is not only to make a great product, but also to create a great way of life.

To that end, he worked with NRDC

\"They are not biased about one thing.

They\'re cool. They totally understand.

\"He also worked with the marine charity to support the Dolphins and he was very concerned about the drainage in Los AngelesA. -

Just use a clean personal hair care product to partially solve the problem.

Jamal Hammadi used to be a stylist for Frederick fankai and has been a star stylist for years.

He recently opened his own private studio in Hollywood: make an appointment only!

John Paul deyoria of Paul Mitchell John Paul deyoria

Paul Mitchell, the founder of hair care products, is the first company in the history of the beauty industry to say to the public: we do not conduct animal testing.

\"You don\'t need it.

We don\'t need it, we never need it.

\"It was very unpopular at first,\" DeJoria recalls . \".

\"However, it is very popular with us.

We did the right thing.

\"The Awapuhi harvested in Hawaii is a plant ingredient and the Paul Mitchell line is very popular.

\"All of our awapuhi grow in our solar energy --

\"Power farm in Hawaii . \"

\"Our home in Hawaii, our farm is 100% Earth --friendly.

Everything runs in the sun and we even play down our own water.

We use solar collectors to raise awapuhi on our farm.

\"Paul Mitchell\'s hair color line does use the least amount of ammonia.

However, DeJoria explained: \"We have developed a hair color to make it lighter when you add the elevator and we will not add any ammonia . \".

\"Our Paul Mitchell bleach is the lightest and least destructive bleach in the world,\" he said . \".

As a company, Paul Mitchell is committed to aligning himself with positive, cautious information about the environment.

Their national magazine advertising campaign has been about the environment for the past two years, not about their hair products.

\"We worked with Annie Liebovitz and she took 10 pictures of meyear-

There is an old son of a cow snake around his neck.

The title of the photo is \". . .

Help me, my dad and everyone in Paul Mitchell, save all the creatures that God has given us on this planet from extinction.

\"DeJoria mentioned that last year\'s event was also filmed by Liebovitz and had a marine theme.

Their recent tea tree oil production line is eco-protected.

Friendly mention.

\"Our entire tea tree oil production line is carbon neutral.

This means that we plant more trees than all the carbon we use to make these products, \"said DeJoria, a member of Riverkeeper\'s board of directors.

Profits led by Little Bobby Kennedy

It is committed to keeping the waterways of our country and the world clean.

Extra ammonia

Free hair care products: color--

Susan HenryShampoo and conditioner are in natural tones--

Rare elements of John and Terry Amato LA.

Supplier: Palmetto--

1034 Montana Avenue, Santa Monica 90403palmettobeauty. Com Vert 1121--

Jinni Avenue, Abbot.

Venice 90291 www. vertlosangeles.

Cradle of Green-

13344 Ventura Avenue

Sherman Oak 91423 www. greencradle.

0 notes

mickleach · 7 years

Photo

Top 10 Food Myths

these are the possibly false truths we convinced ourselves to believe in regards to our food an apple a day keeps the doctor away and you're wondering is that really true welcome to watchmojo.com and today we're counting down our picks for the top ten food myths at the end of the day if we compare them side-by-side there are pros and cons for each for this list we're focusing on popular adages about food or common diet tips some of which have merit some of which don't and some of which do but not for the reasons you'd think then I would probably consider limiting or avoiding gum until the child gets a little bit older but as always be sure to consult a medical professional when it comes to your health stay lean and stay strong number 10 microwaving food destroys nutrients myth we're talking really bad we begin our list with the big bad microwave any new technology attracts its share of critics and the microwave was no different why don't you build something like he does stead of all your empty deals it's just like your science oven you know I read that it takes all of the nutrition out of our food empty just like your deal it's long been suggested that cooking food this way can rob it of its healthy properties but for the most part that's just not true it's actually the cook time and heat level that is most likely to destroy nutrients and since a microwave takes less time than most conventional cooking methods in many cases it might actually help retain more of the healthiness and cook for three to four minutes until the salmon is flaky pro tip try steaming vegetables in a sealed microwave safe ditch with a small amount of water for delicious and nutritious veggies it's also very important to choose glass cookware or microwave safe cookware that doesn't emit or leach different plastic compounds which can be toxic number 9 pop rocks plus soda equals kaboom miss thirsty what's wrong something you might have heard about mixing pop rocks some soda well you there stomach and your intestines everything first coca-cola hit the market in 1886 pop rocks hit the market in 1975 rumours claiming that ingesting these junky products at the same time would cause your stomach to explode due to excessive carbon dioxide from the combo of the fizzy candy and the carbonated drink weren't far behind I'm a little afraid I can't say oh let me see let's all see okay oh crap everyone heard this urban legend when they were growing up and many of us may have actually believed it the people of Seattle believed it so much the US Food and Drug Administration had to set up a hotline to calm them down oh but the truth is the worst thing you could likely do to you is cause a nice satisfying belch ah odd then number eight eggs are bad for your heart if this food factoid has been debated for years but here's what we know eggs contain cholesterol and too much cholesterol can lead to health problems like heart disease so how is this amiss well contrary to what you might have been told eggs are one of the healthiest foods you can consume as they're full of vitamins minerals and protein if you're healthy and don't have a history of heart problems you can likely eat an egg a day without it adversely affecting your cholesterol levels as your body will offset it by producing less cholesterol itself so will that be scrambled or sunny-side up there was a widely spread study that eggs were not good for you this just doesn't simply make any sense number seven red wine is good for your heart fact yep I don't care what the scientists say I'm just gonna keep on drinking all you wine drinkers out there prepare to rejoice scientists have been studying the connection between wine consumption and heart health for years after looking at the French diet and noticing relatively low rates of heart disease even though their traditional foods are fatty and if they want to drink Merlot we're drinkin Merlot know if anybody orders Merlot I'm leaving I am not drinking any more low but it's true red wine features heart-healthy properties that can possibly protect against heart attacks or strokes among other things however like most things when it comes to your diet moderation is key oh no no no I'm driving about two glasses a day for men and one for women is the optimum amount to drink for your health will drink to that number six a gluten-free diet is better for anyone myth clues a vague term it's it's something that's used to categorize things that are bad you know calories that's a gluten gluten is a rather new buzzword in the mainstream but boy has a gained steam fast gluten intolerance is described as the fastest growing food intolerance category selling over ten and a half billion in the u.s. in 2013 and only growing since then and while those suffering from celiac disease are unable to digest gluten only about 1% of the population suffers from it and therefore should follow a gluten-free diet and your body responds in a lot of ways to it stomach pains swollen lymph nodes skin rashes a whole host of things that will progressively get worse as you keep having to gluten in your diet doctors recommend that anyone without this condition can and should include whole grains in their balanced diet for help with digestion lower blood pressure and cholesterol maintaining a healthy body weight and more so why is it so bad well it's not in fact it's neither detrimental or essential for your health and there's very little evidence to suggest that cutting it out is the healthier choice for the average person that's the whole wheat toast please is better than the previous bite you gluten number 5 it takes seven years to digest swallowed gum miss name something you put in your mouth but don't swallow Oh Amanda gum we've all been there one minute you're chewing some gum the next something startles you and you swallow it better hope your mom's not around to lecture you about how swallowed gum will not be digested by your system for seven years and we'll just fester in your gut until it's finally excreted okay gross and patently untrue while gum has been described as indigestion that doesn't mean it stays in your stomach it just means that when you do pass the gum through your sister in the regular amount of time it'll be in pretty much the same shape as when you swallowed it I know what and get go mamas go but we don't suggest checking it out to be sure number four eating turkey makes you sleepy miss Oh Monica that was the best Thanksgiving dinner ever was so good I think he killed us we were surprised about this one too considering how lethargic we are after Thanksgiving dinner every year so why do you feel tired after you stuff your face with turkey a common assertion blames tryptophan an amino acid found in many meats that's connected to the sleepytime hormone melatonin but the holiday bird actually contains less tryptophan than a food like cheddar cheese for example so experts point to other culprits when it comes to after meal exhaustion it's probably the combo of carbs and booze that cause you to snooze whatever bring it on jelly those are my maternity pants no no these are my Thanksgiving pants number three boy stirs are an aphrodisiac miss have you ever had a wasters did you know boy stirs are an aphrodisiac well it's probably a myth anyway the oyster has long been considered a vital food for love partly because of its vague resemblance to female sex organs and partly because the legendary lover Casanova was set to eat 50 of them each morning but there have been many studies over the years none of which has proven the oysters roll as a definitive aphrodisiac what they have found however is that oysters are so rich with zinc and amino acids that they may increase the sex drive maybe there's something to this one after all but no matter how you eat them they're sure to enhance the romance of your Valentine's Day evening number 2 acne is caused by chocolate greasy foods etc miss people think that I told my name chuckling ba or that I don't wash my face call them pimples call them zits but whatever you call them they're an unfortunate part of life and they often crop up at the worst possible time my chocolate my beautiful chocolate now the uninformed might blame things like chocolate or greasy foods for their facial blemishes while others might cite poor hygiene but they'd all be wrong acne is caused by bacteria excess oil or clogged pores and there's not a ton you can do about it Chocolate Rain a baby born will die before this in Chocolate Rain stress and hormones may trigger a breakout as can some medications and there are even some studies that suggest diet can be an aggravating factor but all in all zits are a rite of passage we all must deal with amaz it get it before we unveil our top pick here are some honorable mentions today there are over 900 published studies revealing the detrimental effects of aspartame migraines are the most reported aspartame reaction like they're coming thank you contact even though artificial sweeteners don't raise your blood sugar they may put you at greater risk for diabetes calories consumed after say 10:00 p.m. won't make you gain weight any faster than calories consumed at 6:00 p.m. research shows that what matters is how many calories you eat and not the time that you eat them the bottom line is to be aware of what you're eating margarine can vary so drastically that looking at the label to understand what is or isn't in it will help you make informed decisions number one organic food is always healthier myth organic food is grown without synthetic pesticides fertilizers antibiotics or hormones today it accounts for more than thirty 1 billion dollars in sales a year in the United States many people think the organic label gives food some supernatural nutritional value but it actually refers to the way the farmers grow or raise their products is that USDA Organic or Oregon Organic of Portland Organic it's just all across the board organic in many cases organic farming might encourage soil and water conservation while decreasing pollution it's also more likely to be free of preservatives and synthetic flavors now I'm on the inside looked in my list organic chicken kale salad in a lemon twist however thus far test results have gone back and forth on whether or not organic food is healthier if you want to support small farmers and sustainable development then by all means look for an organic certification however an apple is an apple no matter how it's grown so as long as you're eating a healthy balanced diet you should be fine his name was Colin curious papers okay just quick he looks like a happy little guy runs around a lot of friends other chickens as friends putting his little wing around another one kind of like howling around I don't know that I can speak to that level of intimate knowledge about him do you agree with our list that is so good what's your favorite food myth for more enticing top 10s published every day be sure to subscribe to watchmojo.com

See more here: http://mickleach.com/common-food-myths/

#niche marketing

0 notes