#All I Have to Offer You (Is Me)

[inkskinned]

you were raised in comparison.

it wasn't always obvious (well. except for the times that it was), but you internalized it young. you had to eat what you didn't like, other people are going hungry, and you should be grateful. you had to suck it up and walk on the twisted ankle, it wasn't broken, you were just being a baby. you were never actually suffering, people obviously had it worse than you did.

you had a roof over your head - imagine! with the way you behaved, with how you talked back to your parents? you're lucky they didn't kick you out on your ass. they had friends who had to deal with that. hell, you have friends who had to deal with that. and how dare you imply your father isn't there for you - just because he doesn't ever actually talk to you and just because he's completely emotionally checked out of your life doesn't mean you're not fucking lucky. think about your cousins, who don't even get to speak to their dad. so what if yours has a mean streak; is aggressive and rude. at least you have a father to be rude to you.

you really think you're hurting? you were raised in a home! you had access to clean water! you never so much as came close to experiencing a real problem. sure, okay. you have this "mental illness" thing, but teenagers are always depressed, right. it's a phase, you'll move on with your life.

what do you mean you feel burnt out at work. what do you mean you mean you never "formed healthy coping mechanisms?" we raised you better than that. you were supposed to just shoulder through things. to hold yourself to high expectations. "burning out" is for people with real jobs and real stress. burnout is for people who have sick kids and people who have high-paying jobs and people who are actually experiencing something difficult. recently you almost cried because you couldn't find your fucking car keys. you just have lost your sense of gratitude, and honestly, we're kind of hurt. we tell you we love you, isn't that enough? if you want us to stick around, you need to be better about proving it. you need to shut up about how your mental health is ruined.

it could be worse! what if you were actually experiencing executive dysfunction. if you were really actually sick, would you even be able to look at things on the internet about it? you just spend too much time on webMD. you just like to freak yourself out and feel like you belong to something. you just like playing the victim. this is always how you have been - you've always been so fucking dramatic. you have no idea how good you have it - you're too fucking sensitive.

you were like, maybe too good of a kid. unwilling to make a real fuss. and the whole time - the little points, the little validations - they went unnoticed. it isn't that you were looking for love, specifically - more like you'd just wanted any one person to actually listen. that was all you'd really need. you just needed to be witnessed. it wasn't that you couldn't withstand the burden, but you did want to know that anyone was watching. these days, you are so accustomed to the idea of comparison - you don't even think you belong in your own communities. someone always fits better than you do. you're always the outlier. they made these places safe, and then you go in, and you are just not... quite the same way that would actually-fit.

you watch the little white ocean of your numbness lap at your ankles. the tide has been coming in for a while, you need to do something about it. what you want to do is take a nap. what you want to do is develop some kind of time machine - it's not like you want your life to stop, not completely, but it would really nice if you could just get everything to freeze, just for a little while, just until you're finished resting. but at least you're not the worst you've been. at least you have anything. you're so fucking lucky. do you have any concept of the amount of global suffering?

a little ant dies at the side of your kitchen sink. you look at its strange chitinous body and think - if you could just somehow convince yourself it is enough, it will finally be enough and you can be happy. no changes will have to be made. you just need to remember what you could lose. what is still precious to you.

you can't stop staring at the ant. you could be an ant instead of a person, that is how lucky you are. it's just - you didn't know the name of the ant, did you. it's just - ants spend their whole life working, and never complain. never pull the car over to weep.

it's just - when it died, it curled up into a tight little ball.

something kind of uncomfortable: you do that when you sleep.

#writeblr #warm up #my dad was actively doing bad shit to us and we STILL were told we were lucky . and to a point i do think im lucky #i just think also there's somethin to be said about like. how about we stop using comparison to dismiss ppls individual struggles #yes there are people who have no perspective. for the reference tho having perspective actually made me really unwilling to get help #for what was a serious and debilitating mental health issue. bc i thought i didnt DESERVE IT #and i would rather have 600 ppl who aren't THAT bad get help and get heard and get seen #than make any 1 kid. do the math that i did: look at the world that is dying and the people who are hurting and say #''oh. okay. others have it worse. they are probably better people than i am. i am being unreasonable. i cannot ask for help #i am not good. i am taking too much space. i am not worth saving.'' #bc our WHOLE lives we are taught a scarcity mindset - that you can 'steal' from someone. so that instead of changing a system that doesn't #actually offer fair support to everyone #we put the impetus on the individual to just... demand less. #and here's something - there are probably ppl who think i DIDNT deserve to get help #bc i DID have it better than other people #and something about that is ... so sickening. bc i think all of us in some way at some point WILL need help. #we were supposed to make communities. we were supposed to offer our hands. we were supposed to raise the barn #instead we said: it could be worse. now handle it yourself

[uncanny-tranny]

The hardest, but most important, part of my transition has been untangling what my personal dysphoria is, and what is more a result of cissexism.

What I mean by this is that I learned that I am not dysphoric about certain aspects of myself, my body, and my life, but my discomfort in these aspects was influenced by the cissexist culture I live in which told me I couldn't exist as myself.

It's definitely a slow process, but I have found that it helps me self-actualize and actually see myself instead of what others demand of me.

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #mtf #nonbinary #dysphoria #and what makes this really tricky is that often it isn't clear-cut as to what makes you dysphoric... #...versus what makes you uncomfortable due to your culture or environment... #...i still experience dysphoria but now i find that my motivation isn't to please the people around me... #...if i truly wanted to please the people around me then i would cease to exist altogether... #...and once i truly recognized that and came to terms with this reality i stopped feeling like i owed the world everything... #...i stopped feeling so disconnected with myself... #...i don't think this will be useful for everybody but i want to offer a different approach to it... #...by no means do i think that this is a 'cure-all' in fact it's not even close... #...because what i found that this has done is bring me *closer* to my trans body and my trans soul... #...i have found that my dysphoria has narrowed (especially since going on testosterone) and i feel more at peace

[cashmoneyyysstuff]

you’re watching the maury show on your computer when katsuki marches into your room without a word and flops down next to you on your bed.

“ hello to you, too.” you snort. his words are muffled by your sheets but you’re about 90% sure he told you to shut up, you ignore it.

he lays face down on your bed for a while not saying anything and you know he’s had a long day and wants to be close to you without actually talking. you don’t mind, you’ll give him his space until he reaches out himself.

and he does after a little bit, turning his head around to face you as he looks from you to your computer screen, eyes focusing on the woman screaming that the man she cheated on her husband with was 100% not the father of her baby, mixed with the cheers of the audience.

he looks at you and raises a brow “ what’s happenin ?”

“ lady cheated on her husband with his brother.” you respond.

“ his brother ?” he repeats. his eyebrows furrow and you know he’s hooked. if there’s one thing katsuki loves but will never admit he does, it’s trash tv.

you nod, grinning somewhat evilly “his brother. now they’re trying to find out which one’s the father.”

he hums, scooting himself closer to you so he can see the screen too. he flips himself around so his neck isn’t craned at that awkward angle anymore and settles himself down right next to you. hook, line and sinker.

he wraps his arm around your shoulder and shoves his head in your neck, breathing you in. you both don’t say anything. “do you want me to play it from the beginning for you ?” he shakes his head in your neck. you reach your hand up to scratch at his scalp and you smile when he sighs. he holds you a little tighter, pressing feather light kisses into your neck.

katsuki’s never been good at expressing himself with any other emotion that isn’t anger. it makes him feel stupid and weak and soft. he’s had a long fucking day and he doesn’t wanna talk about it, simply wanting to indulge in you but he can’t tell you that, can’t find the words to, so he tries to find other ways to tell you and he hopes you understand and you do.

katsuki’s thankful for you because sometimes he wants to talk, wants to open up about what’s bothering him but sometimes he doesn’t. he doesn’t and you don’t pry when you know he doesn’t and he’s so thankful for you. he presses kisses on your skin and soft bites at your flesh to convey just how thankful he is, how grateful he is for having you. he hopes every warm press of his lips against your skin can convey how much he loves you loving him. and it does, because you turn your head and kiss the side of his head so sweetly and he knows you’re it for him.

he’ll tell you all of this one day, he promises. he’ll tell you all the thoughts swimming around in his head one day, but he hopes this’ll do for now. and unknowingly to him, it absolutely does.

he pulls his head out of your neck and kisses you hard on the cheek one, two, three times and you giggle. you feel him smile into your cheek when he kisses you a fourth time.

“fuck’re they screamin’ about ?” he says and you turn to look back at the screen. the woman is yelling at her husband’s brother vehemently denying the possibility of him being her baby’s father. you feel a little bad for laughing. “ she says he’s not the dad” you answer.

he clicks his tongue “ why the fuck is she on the show then.” he says, turning his attention back to your computer but his grip on you stays secure. you press yourself a little closer to him.

you’re still smiling lightly when you look back at your screen, simply shrugging. “ she said something about her having more sex with her husband than with him.” you answer and he snorts.

“ ten bucks neither one of them’s the father.”

#based off me falling back into the maury rabbit hole LMFAOO #i lowkey love this dumbass show #not as much as a luv my boyfriend tho #have i told yall how much i love him btw did i forget to mention that orr #I kinda like this #lil blurb #wtf typa word even is blurb lmfao #I love fluff #sorry to all the sad bitches #but leave me alone w that lemme be happy #bakugou imagine #bakugou katsuki x reader #bakugo fluff #katsuki bakugou x reader #katsuki x reader #bakugou x reader #katsuki bakugo x reader #convinced katsuki goes like ‘ten bucks that___’ but then gets mad when you offer him money when hes right LMFAOOO #(am i projecting ? you’ll never know) #(yes i am)

[elitadream]

A Humble Offering 💝🪵

-

I saw this post by @peaches2217 which was inspired by this earlier post of mine, and uh... I couldn't resist. 🥺🥰

#I never reached for my tablet this fast 😂 #I've always been so incredibly fond of this concept #Mario having big carpenter vibes and offering handmade presents to his loved ones #It's just- all so indescribably charming and endearing to me! #Reading that scenario gave me a burst of inspiration 🤭💕 #Hope you like! ^-^ #Mario #Princess Peach #Mareach #Mario x Peach #friendship and romance #fluff #demonstrations of love and affection #gifts #absolute sweethearts #I can't with these two ;_; #Super Mario bros #Fanart

[turtleblogatlast]

I think a lot about Leo’s tendency to push his way into the spotlight despite clearly being a natural in the shadows. Hell, you could argue that his worst moments are when he’s forcing himself onstage, and his best are when he does things no one notices until it’s already been done.

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt leo #rottmnt headcanons #rise leo #His aptitude with subterfuge sleight of hand stealth and speed really push how being a ninja really comes naturally to him. #it’s arguable that his desperation for the spotlight and validation is an act of subterfuge against himself #note that when he’s offered a job as a mascot he’s fine being unknown #when he and splinter win the battle nexus Leo immediately says ‘they love YOU pops’ #idk I think so much about how good a ninja Leo is #and how much his persona is more an actor #Leo as a tot is shown a natural skill at katana too so hear me out- #every Leo is a natural ninja but every Leo’s route in life is directly tied to their splinter so #since rise splinter is an actor Leo too aims for it #and he brings it into his whole life - masking always because a Leo makes what they do who they are #I think that Leo naturally falls more in line with that of a typical ninja #his eccentric performer self is his subterfuge skill just set to an 11 at all times #not that that’s NOT him - like I said it’s still undoubtedly a part of Leo #but? idk I think about little moments like Leo being the only one to choose stealth in bug busters #or Leo being the only one to almost get Gus’s dog tags in The Ninja Art of Hide and Seek (he was so close but luck was against him alas) #like- he’s clearly in his element there and he falls into those skills so easily #it’s like how everyone has skills in so many things but some exceed more in some than others do #like Raph? Raph’s the biggest Hero of the bunch of them let’s be perfectly real here. Raph is THE Hero #All the boys are smart in their own rights but Donnie is THE Genius. #and they all have mystic powers but Mikey is THE Mystic Warrior with immense untapped potential #likewise Leo I feel is THE Ninja #but yeah I love how much Leo goes for the spotlight anyway for better or for worse #he IS a performer again make no mistake! but again the way he does it still lines up with his natural ninja aptitude and I love it #Leo loving magic tricks and magicians so much works doubly well here because like #you’d think he’s focused solely on the performance flair - no it’s ALSO and ESPECIALLY the DECEPTION

[shorthaltsjester]

the mighty nein - critical role

this is a place where i don't feel alone. this is a place where i feel at home.

#also with softer vibes. i offer They #every silly little brainheart found family deserves a to build a home edit #the mighty nein maybe most of all. thats my family #also the lyrics deliciously well suited to m9. #when jester pulls that. stupid tarot card for fjord. home or traveler. and there's a carnival wagon. and veth says Thats Us! . them #i just think about . the tower is their home the xhorhouse is their home the lavish chateau is their home the balleater. the mistake. #the nein heroez. veth and yezas apartment. the dome. fjord and jesters living room floor. #a bar with a silly name on rumblecusp #also like. the song has stone and dust imagery. gardens and trees. #the inherent temporality of life and love and how that holds no bearing on how greatly people can love. im losin it okay. #ive been making this edit for days straight with my computer screaming at me for trying to shove 143 episodes of cr into a 2min20sec video. #crying becuase. theyre a family do you get it. they were nine lonely people and most of them had given up on seeing their own lives #as something that might be good. something that might make the world a better place. and in the end they're heroes. #and it doesn't matter if no one else knows because They know they're heroes. and they wouldn't've believed that was true when they met. #rattling the bars of my enclosure. to be loved is to be changed #posted on twitter and want to get in the habit of posting here too bc. #general reasons but also bc . i have noticed some of the ppl liking/sharing it are also ppl who shit on my ops by vaguing about my posts #which is in general whatever but does leave a funny taste in my mouth. #critical role #the mighty nein #cr2 #caleb widogast #caduceus clay #jester lavorre #fjord #veth brenatto #yasha nydoorin #beauregard lionett #mollymauk tealeaf #my posts

[gatoiberico]

it's montage time!!

(drawn on the xppen artist 16 2nd gen for a collab with xppen!)

#mp100 #mob psycho 100 #reigen #shigeo #mob #dimple #elgatoiberico #WELL #kudos to xppen all the way #“how about trying out our tablet by drawing some mp100” excuse me you have no idea how thrilled I got #I had been wanting to try an on-screen tablet for years and they just #offered the collab #and it's a great tablet!! all smooth sailing and a really cool tool to experience vs my usual get up and idk #it's christmas but super early #or is it christmas but super late bc we're closer to christmas going backwards than forwards #anYWHO yeah #still giddy fghjhfjd

[farannir]

evermore (2020) lyrics that punched me in the gut and/or embraced me in the warmest of hugs

#tsedit #tswiftedit #taylor swift #tswift #evermore #lyrics #hi swiftie tumblr i see you all and i appreciate you #and humbly offer you this edit #inspiration struck and made me dust off the ol' photoshop #i just suddenly had the vision for the happiness one and it spiralled from there #i really missed making edits #this was so fun #originally this was supposed to be a collection of my fav ts songs across all albums #but after i made the happiness and right where you left me ones #i figured focusing on one album would result in a more cohesive aesthetic #maybe i will do sth similar for some of the other albums? we shall see #the eras have been era-ing in my brain recently #oc

[little-pondhead]

The Curse Of Hope

_

Danny is in another universe. He had a reason, but he doesn’t remember anymore. He can only stare, horrified and disgusted, at the sickest city spirit he’s ever seen. Shivering and swaying with every step, core exposed, and ectoplasm leaking from wounds that are decades old. A ratty blanket was thrown over their shoulders, barely hiding the spirit’s pale grey skin and protruding black bones.

The spirit didn’t even sense him until he reached out to touch its wispy shoulders. The spirit flinched, clutching at the dozens of trinkets hanging from their neck and tucking in on themselves like they were expecting a blow.

“Oh, shit,” He swore, floating back a few feet, hands in the air, to show he meant no harm. “I’m sorry. I promise, I’m not here to steal from you.” The spirit shivered again and rolled a pearl necklace in between their fingers. A nervous habit. “Uh, I like that pocket watch? It’s very nice.”

That got their attention. They peeked at Danny, and he saw that more tattered cloth was covering their eyes, blending in with the stringy hair that reached the ground. Their blanket fluttered weakly, revealing hundreds of thousands of tiny marks etched into their skin. Scars, really. Scars that wrote out curse after curse onto the spirit’s very being. They burned with evil intent, and even reached inside the spirit’s body and wrapped around their core.

Occasionally, blinding specks of color raced across their body, temporarily erasing the writing, but it always returned quickly. He watched, a little detached, as one particular line rewrote itself across their rough forearm, drawing fresh ectoplasm like someone was writing it with a thin knife.

“Are you…alright?” Danny stuttered. A stupid question.

The spirit cocked its head. He couldn’t see their eyes, but he felt their burning gaze as they pondered the question.

“The pain of others becomes mine own.” They rasped. “The lights of the city dim as rotten wealth clogs mine veins. Magicks long forgotten have eaten mine skins, pulled mine cloak, and darkened mine skies. Helios has refused to grace mine doorstep, and the seasons of the Earth have revoked their kindness.”

Danny held his breath. It felt like he was the one with the exposed core, not the spirit.

The spirit shivered once more. “Tell mine soul, little lamb. How could this Forsaken City know peace, when it was long since ripped from mine hands?”

Shit, he needed Frostbite. And maybe Clockwork. Now.

-Or-

Danny meets the spirit of Gotham City. The villains and rogues that have plagued the city for decades are literal curses that are taking quite the toll on Gotham, and honestly, Danny isn’t sure how much longer they can hold out. The heroes seem to be doing some help, and are probably the reason Gotham made it this far, but the poor city needs help from the Realms if they want to get better.

Luckily, Danny can provide that help.

But only if he could get Gotham to leave their city behind. Because recovery is going to take a very long time.

#dpxdc #pondhead blurbs #Gotham is very lanky and tall and had dozens of necklaces around their neck #the necklaces are just cords filled with lost things the citizens have lost over the years #like bits of glass or wedding rings or hag stones made from a destroyed gargoyle #actually I have a weird picture of Gotham in my head I might draw it #it’s giving Bloodborne to me but idgaf #basically Danny meets Gotham and is trying to convince them to go with him for medical help because what the fuck #those curses are the equivalent of leaving hundreds of leeches stuck to your body for ten years #Danny is BEGGING Gotham to come with him #there’s potential for angst but if you want crack then Danny probably replaces Gotham #I think there’s already a similar fic where he becomes the new spirit of Gotham but I haven’t read all of that #anyways the Batfam are like #invasive animals that are actually helping the ecosystem recover from an even WORSE invasive species #but they aren’t supernatural heroes and they don’t understand that the issue is deeper #I’m calling this the Curse of Hope because Danny is offering hope to Gotham #but Gotham is just so tired and sick and hurt that they don’t want to risk it #they think Danny is another curse come to plague them #should he just straight up adopt the city at this point? #idk it probably depends on how it’s written #sad course is to let Gotham die. happy ending is where they are treated and returned #crack ending probably has Danny adopting the city and introducing them to his own city spirit Amity Park #oh shit is that a new ship #guys please I can’t keep doing this #Gotham City x Amity Park #how the fuck do you come up with a name for that #Burger Joints? #Wet Pavement? #bro idk I’m putting this down before I make something I might regret #low key wanna write this but like. I have so much to do

[yridenergyridenergy]

Vicious August 1998

#I know! #a rare post of old visual kei stuff from me! #the context for this is that on one of my trips after COVID-19 #I tried to find a substitute store for Trio2 which had shut down in Nakano Broadway #I had read that there were some magazine shops at least in Ochanomizu #I didn't have data and tried to navigate with my geolocation skills but ended up asking a sort of old officer just to be sure #he said something along the lines of 'but I'm just an old man...' #so a younger man came to his and my rescue and offered to help me #he understood little English and used Google Translate to communicate with me for the most #turned out he was a magazine enthusiast himself and he took me to a couple of stores #they all had only antique magazines like nothing past 2005 #he found everything that had Dir en grey at each of those stores #I felt bad after a while because it was not at all what I was looking for #so I ended up buying the Xth magazine that he showed me #see above hah #just so you know I was really close to the store just with my skills #Dir en grey #young #scans #magazine #visual kei #vkei #Kyo #Kaoru #Die #Shinya #Toshiya #makeup #I'm not sure why I'm such a fan of that middle finger nail paint

[muwitch]

Y’all know what to do

#bg3 #bg3 fanart #bg3 spoilers #enver gortash #lord enver gortash #unleash the trade offer into the world #mu draws #I had to do it #I had a vision #I still do so everyone have fun with your fav tyrant #show me all the atrocities you come up with #this is act 3 my beloved

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

the eyebrows. the 2008 fringe. the snout. that sharp, delicate little chin. the hand. the tiny peek of brown belt. i am simply enamoured

#this was the first thing pinterest showed me when i opened the app and i am so here for it #i have been stuck waiting in the doctor’s surgery for over an hour now so i need all the cute alex photos pinterest has to offer tbh #you can see am era alex in him a little here too i think #but he's not quite there yet 💗 #alex turner #fwn era #alex photos #baby alex #lulu posts

[goodold-fashioned-killerqueen]

born to draw block people making out... force to draw houses....

#i am losing my mind #the teacher wasn't there when i have to sent my site analysis and sketch #that's like half of my grades #AND I AM SICK #PROBABLY COVID #I AM A DISEASE WILD ANIMAL #PLEASE PITY ME AND ACCEPT MY WORK #I HAVE TO MAKE MORDEN HOUSE WHEELCHAIR ACCESSIBLE. MORDEN LOOK UGLY AS FUCK #joy and whimsy gone when they want boring ass contemporary house #shit was ass #to top it all off. i also have project that i have to design #i just copied my dad homework at this point since he love this design so bad and he offer it to me #but like WHY STAIRS #WHY DOOR WINDOWS #I HAVE TO DRAW THEM LIKE DOOR BUT SMALL #WHAT THE FUCK #WHO THE FUCK NEED CHANDELIER. THIS IS A POOR PERSON HOUSE #come to think of it.. no nvm chandelier is cool #but i still hate to draw walls. and window #and doors .. and stairs... you have to remember the size of the room for law and how wide and steep stairs has to be #and how roof can be only 32-35 degrees or they will look goofy.. #and definitely fall of due to gravity #at first i want to add elevator in this house but came to think of it.. nvm fuck elevator #i lost it #my mind #cool #rumbles #if i have rabies i will definitely going nuts and bite everyone in my college rn.. #that is how much i has lost it at thie point

[mintjeru]

(not ship)

the way i was like “don’t expect much art from me for a while!” and then go and do something like this 😐

open for better quality | no reposts | ID under the cut

[Image description: A four page comic detailing Kaeya’s Hidden Strife event dialogue with Adelinde and his strained relationship with Diluc.

A box on the first page states, “Hidden Strife event final day”. Adelinde explains with her head bowed politely, “I’m sorry, Captain Kaeya, but the Dawn Winery is having a fire safety inspection today. You’ll have to come back another day.” Kaeya averts his eyes with a concerned expression.

On the second page, Kaeya forces a smile. He starts: “Haha... seriously, shouldn’t you at least ask me to stay for din- -ner?”. He sees something in the distance and his eyes widen in shock.

The third page depicts Aether and Paimon running out of the manor. “Come on!” Paimon exclaims. “Diluc is waiting for us at Falcon Coast!” Kaeya and Adelinde can be seen in the background.

The fourth page starts with a flashback to a scene in Angel’s Share during Diluc’s Noctua: Chapter 1 story quest. Kaeya recalls telling him, “I feel strangely comforted by the fact that you now have an assistant, Diluc.” “I just wish,” he thinks to himself, “it could have been me standing by your side again.” At the bottom of the page, a young Diluc and Kaeya dressed in their Knights of Favonius uniforms laugh together. Kaeya has a hand on Diluc’s shoulder. Diluc has an arm slung over Kaeya’s shoulder and bends over slightly as he laughs.]

#kaeya #diluc #ragbros #aether #paimon #genshin impact #genshin #fanart #myart #comic #the whole time i was making this i was like 'why do i draw stuff that makes me sad' #so now i get to subject all of you to ragbros angst #the parallel between diluc asking the traveler to stay for dinner vs. kaeya not even getting an offer from adelinde #and the fact that kaeya was one step behind in knowing where diluc was whereas we got to meet him and tag along to falcon coast #judging from the letters they do have some sort of working relationship but man. it's very stiff and limited #they make me Really Sad ok #struggled a bit drawing kaeya's expressions #i hope i managed to convey the emotions well enough #also now taking ragbros fic recs bc i read glacial heart a while back and it was so good (cried my eyes out)

[tennessoui]

brain will not let me sleep until I say

same age padawans au where they’ve been in a weird wired frenemies thing for ages but now that they’re both mature adults (all of 24/25 years old) they’re more friends than enemies….

And it’s Obi-Wan that Anakin tells when he’s decided he’s going to leave the Order, not anyone else. He has a wife. There was a pregnancy scare a few weeks ago and it made her want their relationship to stop being a secret so they could really have kids. He has to leave the Order. Doesn’t Obi-Wan understand?

Obi-Wan, who has been a little in love with Anakin since they were younglings, does not understand. Not one bit. Instead of wishing him well and helping him pack, he goes to the Council and requests a mission in the Outer Rim….perhaps a month long or more…perhaps undercover? No contact with anyone on Coruscant. And maybe they could assign Anakin Skywalker as his back up? He can help with the undercover aspect.

And at first, Anakin is pissed because he was planning to resign from the Order in the next few days, but Obi-Wan convinces him to go on this mission with him….one last mission as a Jedi. To say goodbye to the Jedi life.

Obviously, Obi-Wan sort of wants to go on one last mission with Anakin because in his dreams, he wants the mission to go so perfectly that Anakin stays with him the Order. But realistically, he mostly wants to go on this mission to say goodbye to Anakin and then let him go, soaking up all his warmth and light, memorizing every casual touch bestowed on him because he knows they’re ticking down to the last handful of seconds together.

But then obviously the mission works TOO well and Anakin falls in love with Obi-Wan but doesn’t admit to it even to himself before they’re on the ship about to head back to Coruscant and Anakin realizes he doesn’t want to leave this planet because he doesn’t want to leave Obi-Wan if it could always be like this so he crashes the ship during take off so they can stay longer because he’s 24 and doesn’t know how to handle the immensity of his love except through destruction

#Kit’s silly lil AUs #obikin #I couldn’t finish the Democratic fic part today writing was so hard :( #I offer this instead <3 #hopefully will get it up tomorrow #but anyway: no physical cheating but probably emotional infidelity as anakin falls in love with obi-wan but doesn’t notice #and a lot of pining but being brave about it obi-wan which could also turn into finding his rebound in the outer rim obiwan #which would then turn into seethingly jealous anakin #+ bonus points is that their cover is theyre newly weds #and obi-wan is like <3 you can touch me mister we have an open marriage <3 #and this poor guy at the bar is being stared down by a vicious anakin and he’s like uh does your husband knkw that ???? #but yeah here for pretty newly knighted obi-wan creating a situation where he gets to feel anakin touch him and kiss him on the cheek #and hold his hand and call him pet names #all the while being convinced that this is all he will ever get so he has to be satisfied with this #that the yearning will stop and he will find comfort in the memory of anakin’s arm around his shoulders once he’s left the order and obiwan #to be with his wife #also obi-wan gets wasted one night and someone asks how they met or when they fell in love #and obi-wan accidentally tells the drunken truth #not the cover story #and it makes anakin go 👀🧐 #but then he gets too drunk and forgets it

[sunderwight]

had a thought of what if Airplane had leaned a little more into the self-insert idea for Luo Binghe when he was still at the early stages of writing, with an end result that Luo Binghe actually Looks Like That because he basically looks like Airplane but with long flowing hair and a more idealized figure

SQQ going "why the fuck did you make his face so pretty???" and Airplane bullshitting about plausibility while trying really hard not to blush. twisting his fingers and scuffing his toe like jeez bro he's not that good-looking...

which of course sets SQQ off because how DARE!?! not 'that' good-looking?!?! just look at him! he's xianxia Helen of Troy with a face that launched a thousand harems! like okay sure with looks like that it does make sense that half the female population was willing to timeshare a marriage with him, but it's also totally unfair to SQQ, who has no recourse against those looks either! and who could? that is the most beautiful face ever!

Airplane's getting flustered. tries valiantly to make the case that objectively speaking Luo Binghe isn't that good-looking, it's just that SQQ is biased, but boy does that not go over well. SQQ has hitched the tattered remnants of his self-perception as a straight man onto the idea that Luo Binghe is just so devastatingly attractive anyone would want to hop into bed with him, and he is not letting go of it, so Airplane is just gonna get wrecked with inadvertent compliments

bonus if the Shang Qinghua look is actually the result of several illusions because when Airplane first transmigrated in, he got the same face too, and foresaw potential problems if the half-demon protagonist turned up looking like him. so he used illusions. he doesn't actually look all that different, in fact! the illusions just make it so that when people see him, they get a strong impression that he's unremarkable, so they don't really register what his face actually looks like and their brains fill in the assumption that he must just be kinda plain

oooh ooh double bonus if the system inserted a behind-the-scenes explanation for it too, which is that Shang Qinghua is actually unwittingly related to Su Xiyan!

and the whole thing comes to light post-epilogue when Shang Qinghua's illusions get stripped away by some monster-of-the-week, while everyone except Mobei Jun has a freak out about why do you look just like Luo Binghe?! (Mobei Jun isn't freaking out because he already figured out how to see past the illusions and just assumed everyone else wasn't mentioning it for some human cultural reason or something) and then Yue Qingyuan calmly explains that Luo Binghe's mom is Shang Qinghua's matrilineal cousin. Shang Qinghua's mother and Luo Binghe's human grandmother were half-sisters.

what? how does Yue Qingyuan know? you think that Cang Qiong doesn't check up on the candidates for the peak lord positions before handing off power, doesn't make sure there are no conflicts of interest or divided loyalties to other sects? what sorts of things do people imagine Qiong Ding's diplomats do? (I don't know either but, for the purpose of this scenario at least some of it is tracking down this stuff -- YQY handled most of it personally for his generation's ascension because he didn't want anyone else digging into his and Xiao Jiu's pasts) anyways, the connection could have been troublesome for its ties to Huan Hua Palace, but by the time it came to light Su Xiyan was deceased and there was no evidence that Shang Qinghua had ever even met her. so it wasn't deemed significant enough to matter, was just made note of and then mostly forgotten

so Shang Qinghua is like "oh THAT is why you kept bringing her up to me back then?!" because at the time he'd just been fully in "haha how would I know anything about the impending plot and the tragedies I am both partly responsible for and powerless to prevent haha that's so funny shixiong I KNOW NOTHING" mode, which luckily at the time was easily read as him just not wanting a dead cousin he never met to tank his chances of securing a promotion

SQQ is floored. he is having issues about this. Shang Qinghua is related to Binghe? Shang Qinghua looks exactly like him?! wait. Binghe has human family? still alive? like grandparents and stuff out there, who might want to meet him...?

Luo Binghe decides to step in at that point because he does not want to meet any more relatives! no more surprise relatives! no!

luckily this distracts Shen Qingqiu from thinking about all of the things he's said to Airplane about Binghe's looks for long enough for Shang Qinghua to flee the scene

#svsss #scum villain's self saving system #bingqiu #moshang #cumplane #well kinda cumplane anyway #by implication #long post #what if sqh can't get his illusions back up #everyone keeps bothering him even more now to ask why he's hot all of a sudden #it's even worse than when they just used to bother him about fixing broken doors or balancing budgets #sqq is not gonna be normal about this #'you said binghe wasn't a self-insert!!!' 'well by the end he definitely wasn't...' 'were you this hot irl? why were you poor?!' #'wtf is that supposed to mean...?' 'with these looks you surely could have found somebody willing to support you!' #'bro are you asking me why I wasn't a sugar baby?!' 'of course not!' 'you totally are asking me why I wasn't a sugar baby' #'...but you must have gotten offers' 'only from the hot single ladies near me on my computer and they were all viruses' #etc etc etc so on and so forth the usual insane banter those two have