#Alternatively? I dont know if I could bring myself to tell him about. The bad stuff | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

perhapsthanatos · 3 years

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10:32 pm with yuta ♡

nct’s yuta x fem!reader (got inspired by a dream of mine & found the idea really cute)

alternate title: be the james dean to my audrey hepburn

genre: fluff. a pinch of angst. non idol au. badboy!yuta au.

word count: 1400~

playlist: chinatown by wild nothing, lover’s rock by tv girl & work this time by king gizzard and the lizard wizard.

warnings: featuring johnny (not a warning though). smoking cigarettes. cursing. lowercase intended. not proofread.

a/n: hi i was supposed to post a vampire!haechan fic but i really wasnt happy w it in general :( the plot or overall idea of the fic was really good, but i just felt as if i didnt do it justice so here we are :( but ngl, i kind of like this concept more? maybe bc i can see it more vividly? idk, i feel like my writings r getting repetitive & its getting on my nerves lmaoo this is getting long im sorry do u guys even read this part anyway? i would also like to apologize abt the amount of projecting im doing lmao ive been having some rough days & i love my sister but hate being compared to her so often so this is a way for me to rant abt it ig? also so sorry its coming out a little later bc i woke up late today (& procrastinated for the rest of it so here i am posting really late at night) & decided to go to the convenience store to get ice cream (& a ton of other bad shit pls dont do this its rlly unhealthy) for breakfast bc i can :) any who, enjoy lovelies <3

“oh my, y/n! you’ve grown up so well! just like your sister!”

“oh! i’m sorry i’ve almost mistaken you for your sister! y/n is your name, correct?”

“y/n, darling, you are looking so dashing! you really do resemble your sister, don’t you?”

“ah, you must be y/n! i’ve heard all about you and your sister from your father!”

you swear that your reddening cheeks are threatening to fall off any moment now from all the fake smiling. the hundreds of superficial compliments, the insincere flattery and the need for these people to constantly compare you to your godforsaken sister makes you feel even weaker than you are. it gets harder and harder to keep up with a big persona that isn’t at all you. as lucky as you are to live such a lavish lifestyle, you can’t help but hate how your family has to be so perfect. you hate how you have never fit in with them, even if you are so good at faking it. you hate how you have always been stuck in your sister’s shadow, constantly haunted with the reminder that you yourself aren’t good enough. you hate how you now have to entertain the rich and brainless guests at your parent’s gala because she’s gone for some stupid prodigy competition and everyone is only talking about her in front of your face. so what if she’s better the better sister? you still have the right to earn respect, right?

you’re exhausted from all the small talk. your facade gets more brittle by the second under all the pressure. your body feels as if it's gonna give out due to your brain shutting down after all that interacting. you try to keep on going with the night as it unravels itself by being the perfectly poised poster child, trying to make your parents proud. but alive yet almost completely devoid, you decide enough was enough. what if you left right now? no one would notice, would they?

after pulling up your phone discreetly to send a few text messages, you pass through lots of people dressed in gold and finery in a way that wouldn’t have you noticed right away. keep your head down and don’t you dare make eye contact with anyone. nearing the end of the room, grabbing the first glass of whatever alcohol you see and downing it in one gulp, you start walking away as quickly as possible from the ballroom. “ignorant privileged fucks,” you angrily whisper to no one in particular, setting the now empty glass on whatever surface and begin to head to the main exit where no one could spot you running away.

“and what do you think you’re doing here, miss?”

a voice interrupts you, looking up you see that it is your father’s head butler; johnny. he is dressed in a simple black suit that makes him appear taller than he is. his long brown hair is slicked back and his bowtie seems brand new. you have known the man since he started working in your household less than ten years back. you were a reckless child, often trying to find ways to sneak out, finding a way to escape from this life and he sympathized with you. after all, he could barely imagine living your life, never catching a break for yourself and always pretending to be someone you weren’t. he often helped planning when you would sneak out into the night, scheduling things like what time you should leave and what time you should be back, more specifically a time when no one would notice. he would take care of your form of transportation and have your location on at all times, just to be extra safe. as much as he wants you to have fun and have a bit of freedom, he still worries that something might happen to you. because of all this, you two have grown to have a very strong bond. you could confidently say that he is most definitely a parental figure in your life since your parents (and even your sister) are often overseas for work.

“what do you think i’m doing? you think i wanna be in a room with those half-baked bipeds? fuck no!”

“i know, i was just joking. you looked like you were about to explode in there, i wish i could help.” he laughs, pulling out his phone preparing what you might need. “so what will it be for today? the driver? we just need to pay him to keep his mouth shut. a taxi? it’s cheaper than paying the driver, but you still need to pay… not like that’s a problem for you though. maybe an uber would be good enough—“

“actually, i got myself covered. thanks.”

his jaw slightly drops and his eyebrows furrow. he looks straight at you in shock. “what do you mean you got yourself covered?”

you look down at your feet, a nervous habit. “i got myself a ride, you don’t need to help me. i’ll be back as soon as dawn comes.”

he raises his eyebrow. “who’s your ride?”

“doesn’t matter,” you glance down at your phone seeing a notification and wave a goodbye, leaving rather suddenly. “i gotta go, i’ll text you when you need to open the gates!”

“y/n! wait! who’s your ride— and she’s gone.” johnny sighs, watching as you run towards the front gates, tossing your stiletto heels away on the grass while you’re at it. he heads back inside, silently hoping you’ll be fine.

knocking the window of the old black mustang parked outside behind the big bushes, the driver rolls down his window and sends the most charming smile.

yuta in his black beanie, long blonde hair, worn out doc martens, signature leather jacket and black skinny jeans. it almost makes you laugh on how he wears the same thing almost everyday but still manages to look so good.

he is most notable for having a big bad boy reputation and you knew that he was the breath of fresh air you needed in your life. a person who can understand having the pressure of having to be or to fulfill your persona. a person you can completely be yourself around. a person who is full of warmth no matter how cold he may seem on the outside.

“get in, princess.”

and that was all you needed. you tiredly walked to the other door and sat yourself in the car. rolling his window back up, he looks at you. you are wearing a simple yet stunning black dress along with silver jewelry adorned on your neck and wrists. your makeup is perfectly done but still struggles to hide the fog in your eyes. he has the sudden urge to clear them away. he softens at the sight of you. no one is perfect, but he finds you being perfect enough without ever having to dress up.

“where to?” he asks as gently as he could. he knows that you are most vulnerable during these moments and that it is hard to finally break down your walls after a day full of stress, so he doesn’t pry immediately. all he wants to do is to keep you here, safe and away from your burdens and for you to stay comfortable with him, even if it couldn't be for long. but is that too selfish of him to ask? he hates how you hate your life and it is taking every bone in his body to not run away with you. but who is he to tell you what to do or what to change anyway? all he can do for now is try to find a way to make you genuinely smile.

“take me anywhere,” you whisper to the latter. “i just want to be as far from myself and my life as possible. miles away or the nearest convenience store, just take the long way home before dawn.”

you look down at the cup holders, spotting an open cigarette box. you tug one out of the nineteen and light it with the lighter you kept in your pocket. you lean back and close your eyes. he only admires as you bring the cigarette to your lips, exhaling a cloud of smoke afterwards. letting the radio play quietly, he starts the car and begins to drive away from the mansion. he can’t help but wonder how you (an elegant daughter) and him (a bad boy) are millions of worlds apart, but more similar than you think.

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aspiestvmusings · 3 years

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ZEP S2 WISH LIST

Here is my wish list for ZEP future season(s):

This is based on a list I posted on another site after the finale. I've just expenaded on it. And added more things to the list:

One: Joan = CEO. Zoey or Max = Joan’s job (Zoey = Joan & Max = Zoey OR Max = Joan). -- Because they gotta keep Max around on the 4th, since it’s workplace centered show. And he’s free & looking for a job & he has loved working there & has been for 5 years, but he doesn’t want his old job back as a coder. This would allow them to deal with this the best. Without casting anyone new, and having the main cast all together in scenes, while also creating new dynamics... Because Joan is the new CEO (cause DMD is gonna be away for 6-19 months, so Joan is possibly not gonna be around as much for a while... a storyline written because of the actresses LG’s filming schedule conflict). So it’s either gonna be that Zoey takes Joan’s job (and Max Zoey’s job) or Max takes Joan’s job (and Zoey remains in hers...cause she has too manhy things to deal with currently to handle the responsibility of Joan’s job)

Or as an alternate option: Max does continue on his own path, and part of his character development (and part of more backstory for him, and his growth) will be his new career path. And I hope it won’t be on the 6th floor/at some other SrpkPoint team, but that he’d go on and start his own business or something. That’d be interesting, and source for many storylines.

Two: Abigail returning from Africa & getting that internshop at Sprk Point. Tobin + Abigail (since KT has said he wants Tobin to fall in love) -- I really want to see Abigail again. and they did set up the possibility of that in S1. Also... this would allow Howie to return, too (as her dad now, not as Mitch caregiver)

Three: Max & Mo friendship. More of that. Team M&M being there for Zoey...at this time of grieving. The only two people who know about her superpower (the only two she’s told...cause the MRI technician might be “on the know” too? The third person who knew is not physically there anymore)

Four: Max’s new look: beard (and locks). See: Skylar Astin’s social media posts during quarantine for the visual of the look. I mean... if we already had Tobin, David & Simon... all have a beard or a shadow of a beard...in the shows Pilot, then how/why would they (read: the network/studio) not allow Max to have one? The network made the actor shave for the show/S1, but... times they are changing. And the new look would fit... perfectly into the storyline. I mean.. Max is unemplyed for now, staying at home (not going to the offfice, so no “reason” to shave). Plus he said it himself... he’s looking forward to trying new things..etc. So it would make sense storyline wise, too.

Five: Max & Tobin friendship - exploring more of this. It’s one of the dynamics we haven’t seen much in S1. But both Tobin 2.0 & Max 2.0 are extra great, and they’d work well together.

Six: Tobin’s squirrel! Can he bring his pet squirrel to work again, please?

Seven: More Team SparkPoint! More scenes, more songs for, more interactions with, more backstory of other member of the Team (Tobin, Leif, and everyone else) I really need there to be more song for Tobin/Kapil.

Eight: The Max & Zoey office pool: Tobin being in charge of the bet “when will they get together”. Since everyone knows that Max has had a crush on Zoey for the longest time, and they’ve seen her sing “I’m Yours” to him (and probably more)... it’s time for this storyline. Because there is definitely some betting been going on about Zoey/Max, and if/when they will be together.

Nine: More backstory to all (side) characters: The Clarke’s (Maggie, Zoey, David, Emily), Mo, Tobin, Leif, Joan, Max... How/When they started to work at Sprk Point. Their family. Their “outside work” life. Their personal experiences with grief (Zoey & Simon may be the only ones who have lost their dads, but Joan is defintely not the only person Zoey knows who has lost someone close... and she/we are just not aware ogf it yet)

Ten: Max & Simon: Both men agreeing to take a step back & take themselves out of the competition in Zoey’s mind, letting her have her alone time & family time after the funeral. Zoey taking time to think, and reflect...on things. And then sitting down to talk with both men (either all three together, or with each separately), and telling them everything/the truth. Telling Max about her connection with Simon and what happened on her “anger phase day”. Telling Simon about her connection and history with her best friend, Max and what happened on the day when the bad moon rose. And then either choosing one of them...or...if they are all open to it...then they could all be in a poly relationship... In other words: honesty from all. And no love triangle, cause that doesn’t work or fit anymore after S1. ETA [Dec 11th]: Oh, well...we all knew this wish of mine wasn’t fully gonna come true in early S2. The “triangle” is still there & both continue with their “heart songs” apparently, but we got a bonus out of it all: the two men are “best buddies” now. That’s something at least...

Eleven: Exploring the Max & Zoey relationship (co-workers, friends, romantic couple) through the eyes of others/people around them: We’ve seen Simon, who was an outsider & didn’t know them much, notice the connection between Max & Zoey. We’ve seen him say that he’s noticed how close the two are, and it’s also noticable when they are spending less time together. He’s even asked if the two are/have been a couple. So... he’s been aware that there is more to Max & Zoey than she has told him. Cause she keeps telling him they’re just friends & he has no reason to be jealous..etc... when he can see/sense that there is/was more... (and it’s possible that had she been honest with him from the start, he’d not “come between the two”...though IDK). How others see them.

Twelve: Zoey admitting to herself that she hasn’t been fair with the two men in her life. Telling both the truth. Being open about her real feelings..for each. Zoey being more open with her own feleings, not running away from deep emotions. Not being scared of “what if-s”. Taking her own advice...to not keep it all (the grief) inside her, and instead talk about it...with loved ones. Dealing with it. And looking at things from a new, different perspective. Going after her joy... and realizing it’s not as far as she thinks. Realizing that she can live and love again after her dad is gone. Zoey admitting to herself that she formed an emotional grief bond with Simon only/mainly/mostly because she had a crush on him and wanted him for his body. That that was her motivation. Cause that was why she was so eager to help him, and why she continued her emotional affair with him.

THIS IS WHAT HAS TO HAPPEN...FOR ME TO “LIKE” THE MAIN CHARACTER. Until she claims it’s all due to the powers or grief & won’t accept it’s her own choices & doing, I’m not gonna be able to fully enjoy the storylines. She may be grieving, she may be “stressed out” due to the power and she may have a “hot mess” personality in general, but since for me none of it is logical & I see her behaviours and all as irrational & controversial, I can’t “get” the character. To me her behaviour and all don't match up (and s much as I try convincing myself it’s cause of grief or powers or...) I cannot convince myself that those explain it. Hence she seems “OOC” to me... back & forth, all depending too much on the seasons set up (things happen in premiere, for sweeps, for finale... cause there have to be twists then, so even if they don’t add up or aren’t logical, they happen...)

As Maggie put it, when Zoey lashed out on Howie: “We do not talk to people like that.” AND as Mo out it “don’t blame it on the power, this one’s all on you”. Meaning... she cannot claim that all of it is due to her grief or powers. And personally need her to stop being in denial & claiming it’s “due to grief/powers”, when its been made clear she’s aware she is actually just trying to stay in denial....

Thirteen: Zoey + therapy & Simon + therapy: both taking time to properly grieve, and heal. And acknowledge their mistakes: Simon (emotionally) cheating on Jessica (he may not be a bad person, but he did a “bad thing”). Zoey leading both men along and being dishonest.

Fourteen: Maggie going back to work, continuing her landscape/floral business...without Mitch. But shell need someone to help her. The perfect candidate would be Autumn. She loves all things nature! Also...any excuse to have her (Stephanie) back.

Fifteen: Paul (the family friend, who we saw in 1x06 & 1x12) being back. He’s the most likely candidate for a possibly romantic storyline for Maggie. IF they decide to write one. (and we all know TV shows like to write all that)

Sixteen: Mitch still being there... even if he’s not. In their dreams. In flashbacks. In Zoey-ality...singing to her. Any excuse to have Micth (Peter) back...as much as possible. And the “Mitch effect”: how he’s shaped everyone (Maggie, Zoey, David, Emily, Max...) who knew him... his “ideas” living on through them. Big Moments...

Seventeen: Baby Mitch [cause, let’s be real, David & Emily are gonna name their baby boy after his grandpa...in some way or form)! David & Emily as parents. David as a father... even if he’s had doubts about himself as a dad [the whole “I dont think I’m manly enough” plot they did]

Eighteen: Aunt Zoey -- Zoey as an aunt to “baby Mitch”. David & Emily asking Zoey & Max to be the babies godparents (they would...cause he’s like a family, and they have no idea about any of the triangle drama...probably). Zoey babysitting baby Mitch. Zoey & Max babysitting baby Mitch. Cause let’s face it - they would not let Zoey do it alone - she’d be too anxious/nervous... #classictrope

Nineteen: Throwbacks to: The day that Max & Zoey met..5 years ago..a the company orientation day, and to other big moments in their friendship (how the movie nights started...). Leif’s first day...which was 7 years ago... sao hes been there longer. The day Max met Zoeys family, and seeing many of the moments they had together (any excuse to have Micth/Peter back) - the holidays, the summer barbeques... and how everyone knew about Maxs feelings for Zoey.

Twenty: More Zoey/Mo friendship. And more about her other neighours. Maybe her shy downstairs neighbour is ready for that moonwatching adventure on the roof? Speaking of which...can we get some astronomy/math storylines (backstory and expansion of Zoey’s interests - how it started, what she’s doing now...)

Twenty-One: More singing & dancing...in whatever form. In Zoey’ality/Zoeys head, in dreams, in the form of karaoke or flash mobs. And one thing’s for sure... we need Zoey to SING...for real...to Max..once she’s made up her mind and chooses him. Whether it’s a flash mob, or karaoke..or just... “serenading” him... but she is her fathers daughter, and to parallel Max’s flash mob love confession & honouring her dad’s love for big moments, bigger memories...her “confession” should also be in the form of song...and dance.

Twenty-Two: More people finding out about the power...though I don’t really see her “trusting” this secret to anyone but the people she already has told. Except for, maybe, her mom. It could help her if she’d know that Mitch communicated with her/them in a way...during his last months. And maybe she’d tell Joan. But... I actually do not see her telling Simon... even if they do make her choose him for now...cause she’ll make bad choices due to being a grieving mess. And unlike with her best friend, where she can request any feelings/heart song..or none at all... I don’t see her doing the same with her office crush, so any possible make out session will be ruined...as now it seems he is emotionally available, and “likes her back”, so he’s about to sing to her...during such moments. Yet...if they do get closer and she doesn’t tell him... that alone will drive them apart..the secret(s). And yet...if she will tell him...then I do not see a scenario where he will be okay with it, and as chill as Mo, or even as mildly chill as Max was. Because his entire belief in them is based on his belief that she has this natural connection with him...when in fact she’s using a CHIRP style device that helps her read his mind/heart. And unlike others, I do not see the possibility of him being chill or OK with her power, and her not telling him.

Twenty-Three: CHIRP vs ZOEYALITY...the parallels between the superpower & the new tech/gadget

Written: over summer 2020 & updated with a few ETAs: Dec 11th, 2020

#ZEP #ZOEY'S EXTRAORDINARY PLAYLIST #ZOEYS EXTRAORDINARY PLAYLIST #ZOEY'S EP #Clarkeman #Zomax #Zax #Zoey Clarke #Max Richman #Zoey x Max #Max x Zoey #TEAM MAX #ZEP S2 #ZEP SEASON 2 #SEASON 2 #LONG POST #TEXT POST #LIST POST

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inkybunny · 4 years

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MIDORIYA AND A S/O WHO WAS AN ASSASSIN

Midorya was almost finished with school when he met you. He was growing so fast in popularity, the biggest candidate to be the next number 1, of course, that worried villains and paying villains are always welcome to the people who own you. You were the deadliest assassin they had, fast, precise and silent with no fear of death, you were giving all his information. It was a simple plan, luring him with a robbery, attracting him to a specific location without letting he see you and finishing the job, but, of course, killing him proved to be way harder than that.

It was a surprise when you attacked and he was fast enough to dodge it, you knew he was fast but not enough to dodge an attack he didn't know where or if was coming at all, now, in combat, if he called for anyone it would be mission failed automatically so you needed to finish that quick. Thing is, you weren't made for long battles, you were made for single deadly strikes so the strength difference between you two became obvious quickly.

Deku didn't like the vibe you gave him, not only because you didn't use your quirk at all in the battle so he was always worried about what type of quirk it was, not only because he’s 100% sure he broke one of your ribs while releasing too much power onto you and you didn't even flinch before attacking again, not only because he didn't notice you at all at first and while he was going easy on you to try analyze the situation you almost cut his throat, not only because you didnt talk or react to any of his words. Above all, he hated your eyes, by your appearance you were almost the same age as him, maybe even younger, but your eyes had no life in them, they were… empty.

In a blow he managed to destroy your mask and apprehend you, bending some pipes to serve as handcuffs for your arms and legs, a bit overkill, yes, but it was what he had at that moment. He knew he should just call the police and be done with it but, looking at you, since he destroyed your mask he was able to see how innocent and pretty you looked, even with the obvious signs of bad fights, you looked so normal and cute and yet, it felt like you never felt anything, anything at all, not even anger or sadness, you looked so empty and that bothered him so so much.

He sitted on your side and tried his best to sound as gentle and kind as possible while talking to you, “What's your name?”, “How old are you?”, “Why do you do this?” he asked as he looked into your eyes with this sad worried look, something you never dealt before, something that filled you with rage. How DARE him treat you with PITY? WHO HE THINKS HE IS? WHO HE THINKS YOU ARE?

He watched as he notice you were not happy, thinking it would be a nice topic he tries.

“What's your quirk?”

You look at him. “Great, at least that got her attention”

“I figure, since you didn't do nothing special during the fight it was either something to boost your physical abilities or something more mental, like strategic wise, but it could be something other than that and you simply did not got the chance to use it or needed something specific to use, tho I find that quite unlikable since you seemed pretty well prepared to kill me so it would be very out of character to not bring an specific thing you needed to use your quirk”

You kept looking at him, confused. “He didn't notice?”

“So… What is it?“ He asked you, with some excitement in his eyes. “She doesn't seem unpleased, just confused, maybe that I was capable of noticing that much?”

You scoffed.

“I dont have one.”

“What?” Midorya got a little bit frustrated. “She's lying to me? Probably, but....”

“I don't have a quirk” You looked deep into his eyes, not a single trait of lying on your voice. “I’m quirkless” You said, getting your eyes off him again, looking at the ground.

A little bit of silence filled your space as Deku was thinking about what you just told him.

“You’re amazing” You looked at him again. “You were able to fight me that well while being quirkless? That's impressive”

It's not like you never heard that before, your owners would often call your victories impressive, but never sounded that… sincere. You looked at the green haired boy as he felt more and more puzzling. “I’m Midorya Izuku, but you can call me Deku if you like” He smiled at you. “What's your name?”

“I don't have a name, my owners call me 7B”

“Your...Owners?” You nod.

You could not help but feel extremely comfortable next to that boy, like you could trust him, that he would not take advantage of you, which was super weird, since you just tried to kill him. Midoriya on the other hand, felt his heart grew tight as he felt you had dealt with way too many horrible things.

“Don't move?” You nod as the boy bended the pipes restraining your arms and legs, making you free again.

You got up, killing him was a no chance now, even if you tried to catch him while he was distracted you knew it wouldn't work, you are way too tired and your pain and difficulty to walk straight was an indicative your ribs were definitely broken. You were considering your particular killer alternatives while going away when you felt your arm being grabbed.

“Where are you going?” Silence. “You’re going back?”

“No, they would never take me back with a failed mission, I’m the quirkless assassin, they consider me disposable and less capable than the others, my perfect score was able to keep me alive until now but that's out the window.” - “Others?” Midorya thought with himself.

“Come with me!” You looked at him, confused. “Look, I can help you, Aizawa-sensei can help keep you safe and you can help us find those who did this to you, we can hunt them down and-”

“No”

No? What? Why? Weren't you unhappy with that life? Didn’t you want to stop murdering people? Midorya asked himself as he looked at your serious expression, crying for answers.

“You wouldnt understand it” You release yourself from his grip.

“I… I can't understand it if you don't tell me! They are your parents? That's who you call owners? I know it's hard to betray them but…” He stared at your back as you walked away unfazed.

Parents. Tho is quite unlikely you came into this world with no mom or dad, even tho sometimes you think god created you from nothing to pay for the sins of your past life, your owners weren't your parents, you never had the luxury of meeting them, you don't really know if they are alive or not, not that you have any energy to desire the answer for that. No, all your memories are from inside your owners training, all your memories are being trained within those grey walls and only being out to kill.

“Do you want to live like that forever?” Deku’s voice echoed in your mind, making you angry again.

“Do you think I want to live at all?” You went back to staring at his eyes. “You can't understand it, this is all I am, I’m an useless, quirkless person but being able to force myself at maximum, training harder than anyone else, that made me be here today. How many people do you think I killed? There’s no going back ‘cause there is no back to go to, this, a murderer, is all you’ll have from me.” You felt warm tears coming from your eyes, huh, you can't remember the last time you cried. “Actually, not even that, I couldn't kill my target so, even at the only thing I ever was, I failed. You think you can fix everything with your hero bullshit? I got news for you, some things were made to be awful and there’s no fixing.”

“Do you want to bet?”

You looked at him, his face was completely serious, bet? Bet what?

“Stay with me for a month, I can make it so you are not suspicious at all, no one will make questions.” He slowly got close to you. “ If, for this entire month, you can't find a single thing you appreciate, if living a normal life, helping people with me, can't make you feel even a little bit of happiness…”

Midoriya looked into your eyes with nothing other than honesty in his words. He wiped your tears with his fingers as he looked even more determined.

“I’ll let you kill me!”

“What?” You were so confused, he was saying he would give his life up? For nothing?

“You can't go back to your owners with a failed mission, right? Stay with me for a month, if I can't make you appreciate life then you can go back with the mission completed, say that I captured you to take information but you were able to escape and finish the job.”

This boy is insane, he has to be, giving his life up for someone he just met? Or he was just so confident in his plan? Maybe he was planning on betraying you and giving you up for the cops, all those questions pop off in your head, in all the ways you could look at this it was weird and completely crazy, insane! And yet, when he standed his hand to you, to firm the agreement, there was a small part of you who wanted to accept it, a small part indeed but so so loud, you felt like the will to accept it echoed through your body as your heart skipped a bit when you looked into Midoriya's eyes and shook his hand. “Deal” you thought.

Midorya’s smile was the prettiest thing you ever saw.

“Well, since we’re doing this, you're gonna need a name, right? It would be weird for me to call you ‘7B’” You silently looked at him, you never thought of a name for yourself before. “No ideas huh? I could have imagine” He laughed.

“What about...Shizu? You know, as in silent? Since, well your very quiet and all” The boy kept feeling a little embarrassed, he never named a person before. “No? Thats stupid?”

The first time in a long long time, you felt yourself smile.

“Shizu is good.”

Midorya kept every single promise he made you, he took you to so many places, to do so many different things, you read stories for children and went with him seeing the flowers blooming, not even a week in and he won the bet. Your heart was so heavy when you told everyone the truth, way more with the friends Izuku presented to you than to Aizawa-sensei or the cops, when you helped with crashing the Assassins organization. Being completely sincere with yourself you felt happier when everyone from class 1-A accepted you even as an assassin and continued to be your friends like nothing changed than when the judge decided you were not responsible for the things you did while in the organization.

You still remember the rush of multiple feelings you felt when the widow of one of your victims went to talk to you, as she petted your head kindly and looked at you with those very very sad eyes.

“I’m sorry for everything you had to go through” She smiled. “It's okay, it wasn't your fault, I forgive you.”

The agonizing feeling on your throat as you fell on your knees and screamed and cried “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry” those words felt like they were trapped for so long.

You were the one to suggest yourself as a “hero” to the police, not exactly it but that's what they call you. Your skills were very appreciated in the police force and mainly used to serve as a scout or in missions who required fast and silent work, you were technically a hero but, without a quirk, you kept doing those kinda jobs and maintaining yourself low on the hero chart. Not like you didnt like it, in fact, you were quite satisfied with things exactly like that.

After a year or so, as Midorya were already competing into the top 3, he confessed to you, he never went away and always supported you, even when you were in your “I’m a murderer, a garbage human who dont deserve any of this” moments, he never left your side and always made sure you felt welcomed and cared for, his feelings for you developed steadily for that year and you were completely in love with him as well.

He was the hand that helped you out of that hell, that showed you kindness and care, nothing more than natural, you fell for him considerably quickly. He was so happy when you said you loved him back and he show you off constantly, to him, getting you off that life was the best thing he ever done, as a hero or not, he can only wish for you the happiest times and he will try his dam best to make you the happiest person on earth, cause, to him, that's what you deserve.

__________________________

BONUS: “Ah! Shizu, there you are.” Your boyfriend waved at you with the picnic caddy on his hand.

“I thought this was going to be a good spot for the flower blooming.”

Izuku smiled and seated next to you, starting to open the caddy and put the food on the towel.

“You say that but this is the spot you choose every year!” You laughed, it was indeed, it was the spot Izuku brought you to see the flowers blooming the first time you met.

“You know” Izuku said as he finished with the food and gave you a little kiss on the cheek, he was trying his best but casual mouth kisses were a bit far for him yet. “I was thinking, we gave you a name but isn't it a little bit annoying having to deal with paperwork without having a last name? We should get you one.”

You looked at him lovely and gave back that cheek kiss making him go a little bit red and smiled.

“I have one in mind, just, not the time yet.”

The green haired man looked at you saying “Hmmm” curious about what type of name you picked. He got two sandwiches and handed you one, your favorite, as usual, you giggle a bit and looked at the trees while taking a bite of the sandwich.

While you looked at the petals falling from not finding a space on the overcrowded trees, you felt happiness and peace. You beg the universe to let you be greedy this one more time, to be able to desire one little thing, you beg the universe as you mouthed the words taking care to not let your boyfriend read your lips, you beg the universe to grant you this one last thing and let you be named

“Shizu Midoriya” __________________________ HEY! Soooo this was fun :3 This is part of a small request I received but I had so many ideas to it I cound not help myself to write and oneshot about it Hope you guys liked it! Gonna post the request soon, dont worry

#bnha #mha #bnha scenarios #bnha headcanons #bnha fic #mha headcanons #mha scenarios #mha fic #midorya izuku #deku x reader #izuku x reader #izuku midoria x reader #midorya headcannons #deku scenarios #deku fic #midorya fic

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ezmarie · 3 years

Text

Hello! I read through your matchups and I want to say they're rly cute :>> It's so cool about how much effort you put into them so I was wondering if its okay if I could request a Haikyuu matchup? (I hope its okay I submitted it)

My name's Alicia, I'm Bi but I'm more attracted to guys and I'm female(she/her). My sun sign is Gemini and my rising is Aries, INTP, ambivert and a Slytherin.

My personality, positives, negatives and such: Around new people I'd say I'm much calmer, polite and quite closed off. Some of my friends say I come off as a bit aloof to certain people or strangely kind to others. To my surprise I've had some people say I'm intimidating (like bruh why??) In all honesty my personality really differs with who I'm with. When I'm with my friends though I'm much more outgoing and loud, I really enjoy going out with just different small groups of friends even if its just for a small lunch or anything - I just really enjoy being around those who both make me laugh and who I can make laugh. I can be really sarcastic and not afraid to have some playful banter aka: who can have the most creative insults - even if they don't make sense. I'm smart in things I enjoy and can go on and on about things i'm passionate about. I'm always looking out for my friends, making sure they don't stuff up, praising their achievements and putting them before myself. I'm pretty open-minded and flexible, say if one of my friends has a friend I dislike I'll always act nice and rarely complain and I'm good at adapting to different environments. Although I am rarely happy with my looks and I don't like trying new things with a fear of stuffing up or failing ESPECIALLY with team sports bruh. I have a bad habit of staying up until ungodly hours of the morning and not waking up until the afternoon.

Appearance: I'm 5'2/5'3-ish, half Indonesian-half British/White/Whatever, I have shoulder length fluffy/messy dark brown hair, dark brown eyes, i have a beauty spot near my nose on the right side of my face, tan-olive ish skin.

Music taste: I typically listen to pop, indie pop and sometimes alternative rock. My favourite songs though would have to be Left to Right (Marteen), Act my Age (One direction) and Scrawny (Wallows). Two playlist names I have are "Solo survival in minecraft vibes" and "pain" - Theyre weird ik LMAO

In a partner: I look for someone who can take a joke and can handle my sudden chaotic decisions and mood swings. Someone who will communicate like please tell me if im doing something wrong or right for the love of god- It would be great if they didn't mind my random touches or signs of affection and it would be cool if we could play games together :D My love language would have to be touch and words of affirmation if that helps.

Anddd thats it, I'm so so sorry if its too long and please take your time and dont overwhelm youself :(( Thank you for your time and don't forget to drink some water!!

hiii! omg thank you so much! that’s so nice🥺 i ship you withh...bokuto!!

ok this is also kinda a case of opposites attract, or at least at first glance it definitely is. bokuto is so loud and extroverted and outgoing so it’s really appreciated how youre more calm and able to somewhat tame him down a bit. he actually got so interested in you because of that, just like with akaashi he was drawn to the opposite personality to him. hes also gonna try and open you up more instead of being so closed off, like its his own little personal challenge to make you more comfortable with opening up, and once you do he’s vv happy. he loves how kind you are as well because i don’t think this bby could handle someone mean, he just needs love and support and then he’s yours forever. of course he loves playful teasing (he denies that he likes it directed at him but he actually loves it) but he wants your kinda subtle niceness in a partner. the way you put others beofre yourself helps him a lot as well because he needs and wants a lot of care so the fact that you’ll provide that for him is amazing and basically ideal. however he makes SURE you take care of yourself too, like he will not let you forget about your own needs and will make you put yourself first sometimes any way he can. sure it might take him a while to figure out your doing that, but once he does he’s gonna look out for you even closer after that. he loves how open minded you are too because it would be difficult if you weren’t open to the things he likes, like he wouldn’t be able to survive without your support. the positivity you show for the things he’s passionate about just makes him fall in love and adore you a million times more, if that was even possible.

oh my gosh he LOVES how when youre with him your whole personality just switches. no not with everything about you switches but when you become outgoing and loud he just can’t stop swooning because he loves how much laughter and enthusiasm he can hear from you which he doesn’t usually hear. it’s just when you both are loud and outgoing it’s so chaotic for everyone else but for you two it’s just fun and carefree. he’s kinda drawn to your sarcastic side because that’s not really him, and he just thinks it’s so funny when your a little annoyed and end up throwing some sarcastic snapback to someone. like i said before he loves having playful banter with you because it’s really fun, but he denies that he likes it when it’s aimed towards him. however he definitely likes it he just pretends he doesn’t. oh my goodness i can’t even explain how much he adores it when you ramble on and on about something you’re passionate about. seriously like he absolutely loves it. he thinks it’s so adorable how you get so excited and peppy when he brings up a topic you love and you can just talk about it for days on end. especially when he can see that sparkle in your eyes and just the sound of your voice, it just makes him fall in love all over again. also, he would CRUSH any insecurity you ever had, especially if it’s about your looks. he’s ADORES any body type and body size, beaty marks, skin color, hair type, height, body proportions, anything about you he will completely love. he will support and compliment you to no end to make you see how perfect you are, he will make sure you know your beauty.

i feel like bokuto really fits the description of what you like as well. he LOVES to make you laugh and is always throwing jokes around and he’s a very goofy and laughy guy, so he will laugh at your jokes all the time. he values communication as well because he doesn’t really understand when people give him subtle signs or hints, like he just won’t figure it out unless you tell him upright. so he’ll do the same to you naturally because he just assumes that you value that as well. he’s very spontaneous and just kinda goes with the flow of everything so sudden chaotic decisions wouldnt bother him a bit, actually he lives for them. he also has mood swings as well so he would totally understand what your going through when you have one and you both would know how to help eachother. bokuto might get a little offended if you playfully insult things like how he’s doing in your relationship, his playing skills, or something like that, but once you reassure him that it’s completely a joke he warms up to it. mostly everything else he understands is just teasing and the only reason he ACTS offended is because he wants you to believe he doesn’t like it, but trust me you both are very aware that he in fact loves it since he’s very easy to read. lastly, he loves loves loves random touches of affection, he seriously can get enough affection. please randomly touch him, even if it’s holding pinkies or kissing his cheek for .2 seconds he will s w o o n. here comes blushy and flustered bokuto, have fun :)) 💕

scenarios with the two of you:

•you just waiting for bokuto home and when he does he literally tackles you in a bear hug. he rambles on and on about his day and asks you about yours while also complimenting you somehow and your just sitting there giggling at his normal energized antics. he doesn’t let you leave your spot either so you two just stay there cuddling for the rest of the night.

•it was around midnight and bokuto texted you asking you if you wanted to go on a walk, obviously you were tired and confused but you could just see his pout through the screen so you went. you went on a walk while talking, well mostly him talking, and going to a random destination you didn’t know of and i’m not sure he did either. when you got too tired he carried you too(and don’t worry he’s strong as shit already and thinks it’s super easy to carry you :)) i mean look at those biceps-)

•it was in the middle of summer and you were having a bad day so bokuto took you out to someplace you didn’t know of. it ended up being a field and so you two lyed on the grass while enjoying looking at the stars and the perfect summer night breeze paired with the heat. you were playing music like scrawny by wallows and can i call you tonight by dayglow and both of your were silent, a very rare thing for both of you, especially bokuto. he wasn’t really looking at the stars though, he was looking at you.

i hope you liked this!! i loved writing it and you’re soso nice thank you for worrying about me🥺 have an amazing day and take care of yourself!! <333

#haikyuu!!#haikyuu matchups #bokuto koutaro #bokuto #Petals ✿#submission

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arlakos · 4 years

Note

You said you were looking for ML writing prompts? How do you feel about writing something short for Kagaminette (Marinette/Kagami ship)? If you’re so inclined, anything will do, but for a more specific prompt what about an alternate meeting between the two of them. Please and thank you if you decide to write this prompt.

“Well, this is certainly an interesting request, and a non-salt one as well! I do admit that I did have an idea for a fanfic involving a Kagaminette moment (that would expand into a rather comedic story involving multiple ships), but I like the challenge of creating an alternate meeting (as it restricts my writing out of my comfort zone. With that being said, lets take this story back to where it all began, with a couple of bumps in the plot…”

Marinette grumbled to herself as she walked down to the school, feeling bummed out today. Thanks to a rather untimely order at the bakery taking so long, she was unable to join the enrollment class for D'Argencourt fencing school, which just so happened to be the one Adrien was doing fencing at! Sure, she wasn’t entirely there for the actual fencing (If anything she was hopefully just there to see Adrien perform and actually get the chance to be with him for a while), but the point still stands that she missed out! Talk about a bummer…

Still, she refused to let a bad moment bring her down! Despite being wayyyyy to late to join the classes, Marinette went to the College Dupont where the fencing classes were, carrying a bag of freshly baked goods. Aside from Adrien, some of her other classmates were also doing their post-school activities, so she figured she would make a quick stop and give them a couple of snacks. She had a pain au Chocolate for Alya, and apple danish for Nino, and a bunch of other treats for her classmates!

Of course, she left aside a perfectly baked croissant just for Adrien…

Of course, as she was imagining Adriens look of happiness getting a croissant, she ended up colliding into someone.

The bag slipped from her hands and onto the floor, but miraculously none of the treats fell out or got bruised. The same couldnt be said for Marinette as she fell onto her butt, groaning at the mild, yet aggravating pain.

“Oh, I’m sorry about that. Here, let me help you up.”

A hand was raised out in front of Marinettes face, the latter graciously taking the hand as she was pulled to her feet.

“Oof! Its fine, its not the first time this has happened to me. Most of the time it…usually…my fault…”

Marinette finally got a good look at the person she collided with.

At a first glance, Marinette thought she was looking into a mirror, given that the girl in front of her also had the same shade of blue hair. However, that was where the similarities ended. The girl’s face had much more of an Asian look compared to Marinette, and her eyes were brown compared to Marinette’s own. The girl also had a much serious look on her face.

Her serious look however, did nothing to impact her beauty. From the way she held herself in a prideful stance to her perfectly styled hair to the way her eyes pierced Marinette’s soul, the latter found herself gobsmacked by the girl in front of her. Marinette could tell that this girl was proud of herself, but in a good kind. Like the kind who knew she was best and owned up to it with her actions alone.

Despite not even knowing her, Marinette found herself developing a small amount of jealousy for the girl in front of her. Although she didn’t know her, Marinette could tell at a glance was clearly someone who was confident no matter where she is and when. Marinette hoped for a small tibit that she never met Adrien. If she ever wanted to ask him out, she could probably do it in a heartbeat.

“…Miss? Miss!”

“Huh? Wha-?” Marinette said as she was brought out of her stupor.

“Miss, are you alright? Here’s your bag by the way.”

“Oh! Uh, im fine!” Marinette said as she gratefully took back the bag, glad that her bakery sweets were all intact

“That’s good. I was afraid I might have offended you. I’m quite new to the area, so I wasn’t sure where to go.” The girl said without ever changing her expression. She hummed for a moment, then looked at Marinette again, making the latter’s heart almost stop at the intensity. “Say, are you a student in this area?”

“Yeah, sure. Why?”

“I got lost looking for the Fencing school in the area. I was hoping to find it.”

It was then Marinette noticed the fencing sword that was being carried in a duffel bag. ‘So she’s a fencer too?’ Marinette thought to herself.

“Sorry If I am inconveniencing you. Normally I would catch a ride with the family butler, but he was unfortunately sick today. Fortunately I didn’t live that far as, so I thought I’d try to walk. Unfortunately, I have found myself confused by the structure of the roads and streets.”

‘Butler? So she’s a rich person huh? Just like Chloe….’ Marinette thought, the last bit making her want to grimace. ‘And its obvious that she wants my help…’

For a second Marinette was just tempted to just brush off the girl’s obvious ask for help, as there was a good possibility she could be a pompous brat just like Chloe. The thought however reminded herself that the last time she tried that, she blamed Adrien for Chloe putting gum on her seat, and she berated herself for thinking like that. She should give her a chance, especially after the girl took her time helping her up a minute ago.

“If you need some help getting to the school, I’d be glad to help!” Marinette said smiling. “The fencing school is at the same place as my normal school. I need to go there anyways to see some friends, so i’d be glad to take you there.”

The girl looked at Marinette in shock, as though she never thought the latter would go out of her way to help her. When she recovered though, a small smile covered her face.

“Thank you”

Marinette motioned for the girl to follow her, she realized she forgot something.

“Hey sorry, what’s your name by the way.”

“It’s Kagami Tsurugi”

“Alright then Kagami, follow me!”

———————————————————————————————————–

Marinette continued to walk to the school area, with the new girl (now known as Kagami) following her, without saying a single word.

So naturally, Marinette tried to break the ice. “So…. you are new to Paris or just this part of the area?” she asked.

“New in Paris. I have been to other places in France though. It’s how I was able to learn French” Kagami replied

“Makes sense.” Marinette said “So from what i can tell, you don’t go to Dupont, I assume you go to the other lycee nearby?”

“Oh, i dont go to school”

“What?”

“I’m homeschooled. My family doesn’t like me talking with other people, unless they approve.”

“…Oh.”

There was a pause of silence.

“You know…” Marinette paused, questioning whether she should say it, “You remind me of my friend Adrien. He was homeschooled as well.”

“Really?”

Okay, Marinette really didn’t want to continue, but based on the expected look of Kagami, she couldn’t turn back now. “Yeah. He apparently was homeschooled his whole life, and didn’t have anyone to be friends with aside from Chloe, who isnt … exactly a rather nice person.”

“Hmm, it sounds like you don’t like this Chloe very much. Is Adrien like that as well?”

Marinette gasped, “Oh, Nononono. He is anything but that, he’s been so kind to everyone ever since he got here!” Marinette said smiling. “He’d do anything for his friends, and even strangers, even if they dont deserve it. It was how Adrien and I met unfortunately. Chloe put some gum on my seat and Adrien tried to take it off. Unfortunately i saw him, and because he didn’t say it was Chloe I thought it was him.” Marinette said “Yeah… we didn’t start off on the right foot, but we got better afterwards. He’s such a sweetheart.” Marinette finished smiling

“Sweetheart?”

“Yeah! He’s so nice to everyone and kind and charming…” Marinette said half-effortly as she fell into a brieF daydream. Oh she wished she could be in his arms right now!

Kagami looked at Marinette, who just notice the formers presence, and awkwardly returned to her normalcy. “Oh sorry, I don’t usually do that-”

“You love him, don’t you?”

“Huh?”

“You love this boy, Adrien, right?”

“W-Well uh…N-no of course not-”

“You really don’t have to pretend that you don’t. Does he make you…happy?”

Marinette was a bit confused by the question but replied notheless.

“Well… yes, he really makes me happy.”

Kagami frowned for a moment. As Marinette looked into her eyes, she appeared sad.

“Oh no! I’m so sorry! I didnt realize what was going on?!”

“Huh… you do?”

“Yes! I didnt realize that you hadn’t found someone to love as well, and i just ended up bragging about it in front of you! I swear i didnt mean to do that i was just talking about someone that you were similar to and i got off track imsosorrypleaseforgiveme-” Marinette said rushingly.

Kagami stood there a bit shocked. “Huh? Oh no that wasn’t the-”

Kagami didnt get a chance to finish as she felt two slender arms wrap around her. Kagami’s breath started to hitch as she felt Marinette’s body close to her own, with the latter’s head on her shoulders. Kagami realized she was in a hug, but was too shocked to do anything about it

The stood like this for a few seconds before both realized what was going on. Marinette removed herself from Kagami as the latter stood there with a blush on her face.

“I-I shouldn’t have done that. I was just trying to comfort you, but then I realized that we had just met and all-”

‘It’s fine.”

“R-Really”

“Yes. It was just…unexpected.”

“Unexpected. Don’t your family or friends give you hugs.”

“I-I dont have any friends. And my family is not as liberal with giving hugs as you are.”

Marinette gasped slightly.

Kagami smiled sadly “It’s fine… I am used to the lack of-”

Kagami was again, lost for words as Marinette hugged her for a second time. When Marientte finally pulled back, she had a confident smile on her face.

“Well It’s about to change now. I can be your friend!”

“You want to be my friend?”

“Of course. I know that you are homeschooled and all, but we can both be friends. And maybe you can meet my other friends as well. You’ll probably be able to since you are going to the fencing classes here, so once you finish you can hang out with us!”

“Hmm…” Kagami pondered in though, but Marinette could see that she had a small but genuine smile on her face. “Friends… That would actually be nice.”

Marinette smiled back “Great! I am sure people will love you there!”

As Marinette continued on to the school with Kagami following her, she was briefly worried for a second. Despite Kagami’s lack of social friendliness, Marinette still felt inferior around her, as the former carried herself with such elegance and grace that she herself lacked. What if she meets Adrien and decides that she likes him? What would Marinette do then?

Yet, despite her worries, as she looked back and saw Kagami give her a small smile, Marinette began to relax and smile

‘Kagami seems so lonely though… she seemed really happy at the idea of having new friends.’ Marinette though. ‘It wouldn’t be fair to me to deny her that just because of my own crush… I’ve got to help her, despite what might happen… besides…’

Marinette looked foward as she continued on ‘I think everything will be alright.’

————————————————————————————

As Marinette and Kagami came to the school, Kagami turned to Marinette.

“Thank you for helping me get here. I probably never would have found it without you.” Kagami said.

“Oh no problem. So I’m guessing you are here to enrol for training right?”

Kagami stopped, then grinned.

“I never said I was here for training.”

Kagami put on her Fencing mask and grabbed her sabre.

“I never mentioned this. My family comes from a long line of fencers. My family has won every tournament they have been to. Every challenge they faced, they overcame. My family bloodline flows through me, and my must prove myself worthy of that blood line.”

“Then why-” Marinette said, before Kagami cut her off.

“I’m here for a challenge. And I cannot lose. I must not lose. For the sake of my family honour and my respect.”

Kagami turned from the door and kicked it open, scaring Marinette. Kagami instantly starts to walk forward, causing Marinette to unconciously follow. Marinette watched as Kagami strode up to the fencing class, the people inside stunned by her entrance. Kagami looked at Mr Armand D’argencourt.

“Hey, you! Are you Mr. D'Argencourt, the fencing master? I wanna join your team.”

Armand looks at her in suprise, and huffs in indignation. “Only the best are admitted here, you knave.”

Kagami however was quick to retort “And I was, everywhere I went.”

Marinette, looked at Kagami in slight awe. She knew from a first glance that she was confident, but this…

Armand however, would not take it lying down “Part le fer! This whippersnapper has nerve! All right! I may consider your admission, shall you defeat one of my students.” he says while flourishing his blade.

Kagami walks past Armand. “ Which one of you is the best combatant?!”

The crowd, nervous, shuffles a bit, before parting to reveal a boy. He lifts his helmet, and Marinette see’s her crush Adrien Agreste walking forward to challenge Kagami. Marinette felt a small blush at the sight of her crush, but also a tinge of worry.

Armand however, just grinned. “Adrien, please give our visitor a lesson in chivalry.”

Adrien smiled back. “I shall Master” he says as he lowers his helmet.

As the two get their equipment ready, Marinette’s worries started to increase for the sake of her two friends. It was clear for Kagami that she wanted to win so she could join the fencing team, but she was worried what would it mean for Adrien if he was to lose.

As the two tested the equipment for detecting hits, the whole room was tense.

D’Argencourt look at the two combatants, then said “Prêt… allez!”

The two fencers lunged simulatneously, and both buzzers went off as the same time.

“Simultané! Par un toucher!” D’Argencourt declared as both went back to their starting positions

“I could have sworn Adrien touched her first…” Marinette commented to herself.

As Kagami and Adrien went back to their starting positions, D’Argencourt readied himself.

“En garde! Prêt… allez!” he declared again. Simulatneously both combatants moved at a speed faster than Marinette could see, and again both buzzers went off.

“Uhh… Abstention!” D’Argencourt said sheepishly

“Huh? Whats happening?” Marinette asked out loud.

A student to Marinette’s left chimed in. “Mr D'Argencourt isn’t sure who won, so he’s chosen to abstain. This is a tight bout.”

Both combatants readied themselves again.

“En Garde-”

“Wait”

D’Argencourt and Adrien looked at Kagami.

“I request that we do it the old-fashioned way. We’ll be much more at ease without the machine.” Kagami declares.

D’Argencourt looks at Adrien. “Adrien?” He questions.

Adrien grins, “Fine with me.” He says, as he unplugs the body cord.

Kagami does the same, and they both ready themselves.

Marinette looks at the student next to her “But how will we know who touched the other one first?”

“By watching very closely.” the student replies.

“En garde! Prêt… allez!”

Without the body cords holding them back, the two start going at it like crazy, both of them simultaneously attacking and defending within milliseconds of each sabre hit. The crowd started to go wild as all who stood there witnessed the unrestrained skill of the two proteges constantly lunging, blocking, dodging, and overall giving neither the breathing room.

“Woah…” Marinette said weakly “Is this what fencing’s all about?!”

“Part le fer! This IS what fencing’s all about!” D’Argencourt said excitedly as the rest of the crowd agree with him in cheers of excitement.

Soon after, the fight started to move up the stairs, causing the crowd to follow at the bottom of the stairs. Marinette, being blocked by the crowd, went to the other set of stairs and climbed up those, allowing her to follow the two fencers into the library.

Both fencers were starting to wear down from the intense speed, yet neither wanted to give up.

“Let’s finish this off.” Kagami declares as she readies another lunge. Adrien does the same.

Marinette watches as both fencers lunge, and both fencers foils press each other at the same time.

Kagami suddenly broke off. “Marinette! Who got the first hit?! Who?!” she said breathlessly as she looked at Marinette.

D’Argencourt suddenly appeared, crawling in pain. “Who touched first? Tell us now!”

Marinette looked flustered, everyone was looking at her. “I-I-I don’t know,” she said closing her eyes in stress.

Suddenly time for her seemed to go to a crawl for her. It was like whatever happened next rested on that decision she made.

Marinette closed her eyes, remembering what had happened. It seemed that both of them had hit at the same time, but Adrien’s foil did seem to bend a bit faster, meaning that he could have hit first, but Kagami seemed a bit faster on her feet. So who won?

Marinette didn’t consider herself lucky as a civilian but in that memory of hers, her Lucky vision seemed to flare up. It slowed the memory to a crawl, but then both foils lighted up in red and black spots at the exact same time they made hits on each other. So it seemed that both fencers had hit each other at the same time after all.

So the question was, who to give the point to.

Marinette knew that Adrien’s father was really strict with him. If she didn’t give him the point, his father could get mad. Adrien would get grounded and in deep trouble, or worse, take him out of school because he wasn’t being perfect with his study and practices! Then she would never see him again!

Kagami however….

My family comes from a long line of fencers. My family has won every tournament they have been to. Every challenge they faced, they overcame. My family bloodline flows through me, and my must prove myself worthy of that blood line.

- I cannot lose. I must not lose. For the sake of my family honour and my respect.

Kagami seemed to be in a similar predicament to Adrien, even more so than Adrien. Sure Adrien did fencing as a hobby, but Kagami’s family took fencing as something important to them, and Kagami herself. If she lost the match, then Kagami wouldn’t be able to join the team, and it would likely be in trouble with her family, if Adriens family was anything to say about rich families.

Marinette made her mind.

Time seemed to resume around her. “Kagami got the first hit.”

The crowd gasped. D’Argencourt was in shock. “Wha- Are you sure?”

Marinette nodded. “Kagami was able to get the first hit in. I saw it.”

Kagami relaxed, and Adrien lifted his helmet to give a smile to his competitor.

“Well, it seems you won that match.”

He reached out his hand, and both of them shook in mutual respect

“Sacre Bleu! It seems that It is a loss for the D’Argencourt Academy.” D’Argencourt said miserably. However, he quickly perked himself up. “However, it is not an entire loss, for today we have a new member in our ranks. The D’Argencourt fencing team would be happy to have you if you would accept.”

Kagami pulled off her helmet, causing some murmurs at the surprising beauty, but she didn’t let it faze her. “I would be happy too.”

Marinette smiled, happy that neither Adrien or Kagami seemed to be in any sort of trouble. Adrien seemed to take the loss with no issue, and Kagami got her wish. Marinette hoped to apologize to Adrien later, but as Kagami, Adrien, and D’argencourt walked off to finalize the former’s entry into the fencing team, she felt that she did the right thing…

Oh, darn, the baked goods!

Marinette quickly grabbed the bag and ran off to where her other friends were having their after school activities. She would give Adrien his croissant later, she had others to deliver to.

———————————————————————————————

Time passed… and Kagami was officially one of the new members on the fencing team alongside Adrien. Marinette managed to give Adrien his croissant after delivering all the other baked goods, which he graciously accepted with a smile. Marinette managed to meet Kagami outside of the school, who was waiting for the family car.

“Hi Kagami.”

“Hello Miss.” Kagami said. “Did you have a good day?”

“Yeah! I managed to deliver the bakery foods to my classmates. Congrats on making the team by the way!”

“Yes, it’s really good,” Kagami said. For a second, she looked a bit forlorn “I have to ask though, did I really win?”

“Huh?”

“Did I really win? Or did you do it because you felt pity for me?”

“Pity?-Nonono I was just trying to help you- No wait that came out wrong as well.”

“…I understand.”

“No you don’t understand. You didn’t lose, it’s just- Look, both of you hit each other at the same time.”

“W-What” Kagami said in shock.

“Y-Yeah, I saw it with my own eyes, both of you were so extremely skilled that you were both neck and neck, I saw both of you hit each other at the same time. I was just pressured to make a choice, so I chose you.”

“But why didn’t you say we both hit? We could have just started over”

“Because both of you would keep going for no reason at all! Both of you are amazing out there, and if i declared that you lost you would have never forgiven yourself for something you didn’t need to forgive!”

Marinette placed a hand on Kagami’s shoulder. “I chose you because I thought you deserved it, because you were really amazing out there and did not deserve one loss to affect your life and self-worth. Besides, now you’re in the team like you wanted, your family would be happy with you and Adrien is fine regardless, I’m sure he’ll be ok.”

“She’s right you know. I still wouldn’t mind a rematch though.”

Kagami gasped in shock and Marinette screamed as Adrien came up behind them with a slight grin on his face

“Sorry if I scared you both.” Adrien said sheepishly.” I just wanted to say congratulations on making the team. And don’t worry, I won’t tell Mr D’Argencourt about the tie, you really deserved to join the team with us, you were really an amazing fencer, miss…?”

“Kagami Tsurugi. And you must be Adrien Agreste.”

They both shook hands like after the fight. Marinette felt a slight twinge of jealousy for Kagami’s confidence but said nothing. She wouldn’t ruin Kagami’s celebration, not after everything.

“And you must have met my good friend Marinette.” Adrien said pointing to Marinette.

And that’s the moment where Adrien Marinette wanted to crawl under a rock. Adrien had called Marinette a friend. Just a friend. She really felt sad inside.

“Yes I did. She helped me get to the school when i got lost.” Kagami said.

“That’s Marinette for you. She really is so kind and helpful.” Adrien replied,

“Yes. She really is.” Kagami said as she gave a smile to Adrien.

Adrien’s car pulled up. “Sorry Kagami, Marinette, I gotta go home. Talk to you later.” Adrien said as he entered his family car.

As Adrien left, the two girls stared at eachother.

“Marinette huh? That is your name...”Kagami said, pondering the name on her lips.

It was at this point that Marinette realised in all the stuff she did today with Kagami, she had forgotten to give her name to her. She gave Kagami an awkward grin.

“Ehehe...sorry. I was just so-”

“It’s a cute name.”

That off hand comment stopped Marinette, causing her to blush.

At that moment, Kagami’s own car popped up. Walking towards the car together, Kagami turned to Marinette.

“Thank you for everything Marinette. It means a lot.”

“Oh uh, it was nothing!”

“Even so, thank you.”

Marinette stood in shock as Kagami moved in slowly and gave a slow gentle kiss on her cheek.

“U-Um, Kagami?” Marinette said flustered.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I though french customs involve kissing others on the cheek?” Kagami said in surprise, although a small part of Marinette said Kagami knew what she was doing.

“W-Well, yes, but its usually on both sides.” Marinette said, who was blushing.

“Hmmm. In that case, let me fix it.”

Kagami moved to the other cheek, and gave it another slow gentle kiss. Marinette felt that this one was even slower than before.

“U-Um, I should mention that it’s usually done a bit faster?” Marinette said, who at this point looked red from embarrassment and the rather intimate action

Kagami just grinned, almost mischievously. “Oh, im sorry then, I’ll make sure to fix it next time.”

Marinette watched Kagami get into the car. “It was nice to meet you Marinette, and thanks for all that you did. Do tell Adrien that I would like to have that rematch with him, if he doesn’t mind.”

“O-ok, I will!”

“And I’ll make sure to improve my greeting next time. I could have done better with that kiss.”

“Oh-Um…”

Kagami grinned and got into the car. Marinette watched it drive off.

“I think she likes you!”

“Wah! Tikki?!”

“Sorry Marinette! I couldn’t talk, there were too many people around.” Tikki said from inside the bag. “But Kagami really took a liking to you. I think she really likes you, thats why she gave you that kiss!”

“H-Huh?! N-No way! W-we are just friends, t-thats all. She just made a mistake with the kiss that’s all!”

“Didn’t she say that she has been to other parts of France? Surely she learned French customs there.”

Marinette blinked for a moment.

Then she screamed into her shirt.

—————————————————————————

As Kagami went home, she looked out the window with a small smile on her face.

‘Marinette….’ Kagami thought. ‘I hope to see you again soon.’

———————————————————————–

Sorry for the long wait @vitaliciouscreations! I had a lot of stuff to do, and it takes a while for me to write something this big. I tried to make a slight Kagami/Marinette ship, but I didn’t want it to be so noticeable until the end for a slight slow burn! Anyway’s, I hope this Kagaminette fic with the alternate introduction makes you happy!

#Miraculous Ladybug #Kagaminette #Kagaminette fic #Slight AU #Alternate Riposte Fic #My first offical completed story!#God this took a while #But it really helped my writing!#Miraculous Ladybug Fanfic

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where-the-ligtning-strikes · 4 years

Text

Okokok I only have, like, 3 followers (thxs ya’lls! Love ya) but my family is done with my star trek bullshit and I have shit to DISH OUT, especially with the alternative movie series. I get that it still made some people happy and it introduced a lot more people into star trek and I Respect that but GOD. What The Fuck. What the fuck?

For example, movie 1 AOS, (spoilers, I guess) I really, REALLY fuck’en hated about how Kirk, motherfucken, CHEATS on the test and Spock is the one who looks like the one wrong in this??? Like I know Kirk’s whole reason was about how immoral it was to send a Bunch Of People on the command track with the training and expectation to Die if shit gets too tough but it was just how it was done in the movie that really Jars my Pickles. Because he betrays a fellow officers trust, cheats from the get-go as soon as he finds out its rigged and then the writers were like “BTW, kirk was totally right about cheating lol.” NO. Did you know what I saw kirk as? I saw him as a spoiled asshole who couldn't lose. And thats not the kirk I’m supposed to see! Thats not the kirk I want to see. It could’ve been handled so much better.

Like, alright. Lets say that I’m a Star Trek writer for these new movies (sweet). The writing team and I want these things to happen;

1) Kirk takes the test.

2) Kirk loses

3) Kirk cheats.

4) Kirk was completely right to cheat.

Ok. Cool. So instead, this is what happens. Kirk studies and he studies hard, he does everything right. And He Loses. Again. And again. He’s done different things in different ways and the crew, even if only artificially, die. In the last (2nd to last really) try, he kinda just trying to do whatever, and then one of the people in charge come to him like, “hey you finally passed.” And kirk, rightfully, is very confused because the end result is the same to Every Other Damn Time He Took The Test. And the guy giving him the results just kinda laughs and goes “Oh no honey, its rigged to lose.”

And Kirk goes, “Hey. What the fuck.”

But then!!! Then kirk goes to the people in charge of the test, he goes to them and tells them, “Hey what the fuck. this shits messed up.”

And the people in charge of test goes “yeah, but its the Council‘s choice, some of us think the test is valid for X and Y bullshit reasons, also fuck you.”

Kirk basically goes. “Wow. Alright.” And after such goes to the council and is like, “Hey. Uh. This test sucks ass because telling people to expect to die rather than, you know, doing shit is really, extremely, fucked up.”

And the council goes “Didnt you pass? We’re dicks, fuck you.”

And kirk, well. Kirk aint going without a fight! No sir-ee. Nope. The issue isn't getting enough attention, no one is taking Kirk seriously or giving him the time of day. Except for Bones, whos reluctantly but an absolute bro, BUT kirk remembers a bunch of stuff about the office/lab whatever of the pepes who made the test and kirk decides that hey, if no one is gonna give him the time of day then he’s gotta force their hand by cheating because with cheating theirs a court and with a court there's Media and they cant just kick him out because they have to decide and agree if Kirk Actually Cheated and if or if not he gets to stay at the academy. If kirk wins, they’ll have to change the test. If not... well, he leaves in disgrace. And he’s, obviously, taking a huge risk because he doesn't want to get kick out and the last thing he wants to do is to stick out like this but he really does believe that there is no such thing as a no-win situation, he really believes in this, and he’s going to fight for it.

And so, he tries one more time and he cheats. he makes it to where no matter what, he wins and he WANTS everyone to know that he cheated. So he doesn't try to make it subtle or make it look like there was a bug that just Happened to Let Him Win. No, its obvious and as clear as day that James T. Kirk cheated. Everyone knows, their grandma knows, and Spock knows. Spock charges him on such and the movie proceeds.

2nd movie! Star Trek Into Darkness! What gets under my skin is that Kirk! Lies! And he’s all, “ Dur Dur Spock you betrayed me for telling the admirals the truth in the report.” Even though??? Spock and kirk never discussed it? To lie??? He wants Spock and his CREW to put their careers ON THE LINE??? Also just to lie is, extremely, fucked up that does not vibe with me and it does NOT have me like kirk. And I want to like kirk! So, once again. I’m a writer for Star Trek Into Darkness, me and the writing team want these things to happen;

1) Kirk saves Spock from a volcano.

2) Kirk breaks the prime directive to do it.

3) Spock ‘betrays’ kirk and

4) Kirk is justified in feeling betrayed.

5) Fuck it, for shits and giggles, lets say that kirk also still has to lie and gets demoted

So, the mission to stop the super volcano is going well, everything goes right and they should be done soon. Sweet. But wait, what the fuck. Spock’s equipment bugs the fuck out and Spock, is still, in a fucking super volcano.

What the fuck.

So, kirk is doing mental gymnastics in his head trying to see if theirs a way to save Spock without getting seen by the natives. And finds that, there isn't. It’s violating the prime directive, or losing Spock, which, its not even a competition. So kirk goes to the crew and is like “Hey. I’ll take the blame, but we’re going to have to violate the prime directive cuz we’re already low on officers thanks to that huge attack Nero did and at some point we’re going to lose everyone if we keep leaving people behind and Spock is an extremely talented officer that we can’t afford to lose. He’s also my friend And I love him.”

He’s the captain and people are more likely to listen this time cuz he saved the world, so the crew goes. “Ok so Spock is the bitch who’s a terrible loser, strict as fuck and wouldent know ‘fun’ if it ran up to him naked and slaped his ass, but he’s our bitch so we’re in.”

And kirk goes, “Sweet.”

They save him, but Spock gets into a Huge disagreement Publicly On The Bridge as soon as he’s back cuz he went through the mental gymnastics too and knows that theirs no way he could’ve been saved without Jim violating the Prime directive and, for a legitimate reason that would be Bad because lets say that the Klingons and the Federation are in a Cold War like state and one of the agreements they had so that 2 halves of the known universe wouldent blow out each others brains was that Nobody could find new planets and manipulate them to fight for “their side”. Not only would this risk a galactic war with a race itching for an excuse to fight and come out on top with an already weakened Federation, even if Jim didnt leave or actually do anything other than accidently show his ship to the natives.

And thats completely excluding the fact Jim can lose his captaincy and spock could be separated and lose jim. So Spock Loses His Shit (In his Vulcan way, naturally) And Jim is hurt and betrayed by this because he just risked everything and thats ok but Spock all but verbally slaps him in the face with consequences he’s already well aware of and does so Publicly in FRONT OF THE CREW. And a captain and a 2nd in command is supposed to Agree on stuff, 2nd in command can make all the corrections and adjustments needed but its a thing in Star Fleet where 2nd in command is supposed to ultimately have the captains back even if the captain in question is Wrong.

Everyone is upset and everything is dicey at best.

Kirk and Spock dont write a report yet, they call the admiralty and tell them what happen. No lies, completely truth. The admiralty basically say all the stuff Spock says and they can’t afford to give the Klingons an inch and Kirk didnt… actually violate the prime directive, not the spirit of it. He didnt introduce himself to the tribes as a Star Fleet officer, he didnt accidently nor purposely leave any futuristic tools or weapons to be found. He didnt try to influence the culture, at all. The only thing that happened was that the tribe accidently saw the ship saving Spock.

So, grimly, the admirals have it where Kirk and the crew lie in the reports. The mission succeed. Completely. The Klingon ambassadors, nor anyone else not even by word of mouth can ever find out about this and because its not recorded or on paper in any way it and it Did Not Happen. There's a lot of political tension at the moment and this was a huge stunt that Kirk pulled and he took the blame like he said, so he’s demoted on the spot, and his last moments as captain was Spock, publicly, ripping him a new one. The rest of the movie happens.

I’m just- this is just 2 things. Legit, it doesn't even change the movie but I’d feel so much better about kirk if it went like this or something like this and IM SO BITTER These movies could've been SO GOOD and had so much potential and so much Good Shit and they Ruined it! I couldn't even bring myself to watch the 3rd one. Anyway, Thanks for coming to my ted talk

#aos star trek #star trek into darkness #star trek #Ramblings #jim kirk #spock #Full respect to the thing Spock and Nyota have going on i get it its a good ship #but... nyota is Gay #Spock is Gay #personal headcanon #u know how it is

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horansqueen · 4 years

Note

"You cannot fathom the immensity of the fucks I don't give." Liv and Heidi 🤭 and I guess angst? Lol

i dont think its angst? lol but i hope it was sort of what you expected!

700+ words.

IMPORTANT: this is sort of an “alternate scene” from chapter 6 of YOU & ME. it happens during the dinner at Niall’s. The first thing Heidi says is in the chapter but the rest is what could have happened if Liv had really shared what she thought. in the chapter, she just answers “Alright” but in this alternate scene, she gets a bit pissed lol!

OLIVIA

I got up to help Heidi with the dishes and I could feel Niall's eyes on both our backs. I didn't intend to cause a scene. After all, Niall and Heidi were the ones who had invited us and even if it was surprising, I tried not to give bad intentions to Heidi. No, we didn't like each other but she had Niall now, she had won. There was no reason for her to be rude to me.

“I know there used to be something special between you and Niall.” she let out without looking at me. “But it’s gone now.”

I turned to look at her as she was rinsing the plates and frowned. She didn't know that, and she didn't have the right to assume anything about the relationship I had with Niall. Of course, to some extent, it was true. Niall and I had drifted apart when he broke up with me but he was back in my life now and even if I knew it would have a big impact on my life, I didn't know just how much it would improve it. She was wrong. There was definitely something between Niall and I, something that would always be there.

"Sure, if you repeat it often enough, it may become real." I let out rudely. "But I doubt it."

She stopped what she was doing and her head turned quickly my way. I was busy getting all the utensils from the plates and ignored the mean glare she was sending me for a few seconds before turning around to her and sending her an amused smile. She was not amused, but I was. What was she trying to prove exactly?

"He's with me now. Not with you." she let out in a low tone but still roughly. I couldn't believe how pissed she was getting. "He broke up with you! For me!"

"Is that the story you made up in your mind?" I asked after scoffing. "Please. Niall didn't break up with me for you. You have no idea what our relationship was like before we dated, while we dated, and even now. You have no idea. So don't act like you do!"

I was frowning now, getting mad myself at how she was trying to control both Niall and I. It was not her call to make and although I could understand her insecurities for actually going through them before, she couldn't expect me to just be okay with that and leave. I was not going to give up on Niall and I really hoped that this time, he wouldn't give up on me either.

"It's true!" she argued, making me roll my eyes.

"Let me tell you one thing. When Niall broke up with me, he told me I would always be the love of his life. So when you say that what Niall and I have is gone now, you're only lying to yourself."

She placed the plate she had in hands a bit too roughly in the sink and moved her upper body my way, probably expecting me to back away but I didn't. I was not going to let her intimidate me. Not now. Not after working on myself so much, no. I was not going to let her, or anyone, walk all over me again.

"You stay away from my boyfriend!" she frowned again. "I don't want you around him!"

I scoffed again, crossing my arms over my chest and shaking my head as I kept staring at her. She didn't just say that, did she? Was she trying to scare me away?

"Girl, you cannot fathom the immensity of the fucks I don't give."

Without waiting for her answer, I walked past her and joined the rest of my friends in the living room. My eyes met Niall's and I sent him a small smile as he frowned before mouthing. 'Is everything okay?' I just nodded and he glanced at the kitchen before looking back at me. I smiled again at him but decided to leave him out of that. It was useless to tell him about the little argument I just had with his girlfriend. I knew it wouldn't bring anything good. I didn't want to let Heidi bring doubts in me about the connection Niall and I had. It had been there since day one, I didn't want to believe it could just be broken forever. And it was not. It was going to come back. I was sure of it.

#niall horan #niall horan smut #niall horan fluff #niall horan story #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan blurb #niall horan oneshot #my fanfics #amc #yam #yay or nay?#Anonymous

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scatterpatter · 4 years

Text

Some expanded thoughts on FF7R under the cut [SPOILERS]

So! Overall I freaking LOVED the remake and I can’t wait to see the rest! Midgar feels so alive and expanded, you really feel attached to everyone, it’s... muah! Honestly a lot of the points I’m gonna make are more nitpicks than anything. I won’t make any commentary on the gameplay because I watched a let’s play instead of playing by myself(im broke and cant afford a PS4 and $60 game >_>)

So the designs are GORGEOUS... no, the entire GAME is gorgeous. Midgar looks so good and detailed, there’s so much great implementation of color theory! Cloud is sooooo good looking!!! Barret and Aerith and Sephiroth are all GORGEOUS! Reno Rude Tseng and Rufus.. AAAA!!! The only slight complain I have is that- okay so Tifa looks AWESOME, but I honestly wish she wasn’t so skinny. Like she’s a melee fighter, but her waist and arms are so thin! I wish they gave her a bit more tone and muscle, but, oh well. I honestly can’t stop staring at the character models they look SO good

Plot-wise, I really like most of the changes/additions they made! Especially with Biggs, Wedge, and Jessie. They’re wonderful and I love them and did I mention that I love them because they’re just so dorky!!! And good!!!

Honestly, I like that Aerith is actually written to be likeable. I know that doesn’t seem like much but a lot of games fall into the trap of telling you that you’re supposed to like the female protag(looking at you, Breath of the Wild) or tell you that she’s a strong character, but they fail to show that, so the player feels like they’re just being told to get attached. Aerith, though, is actually really likeable in this game!!! She’s cute and down-to-earth, really dorky and even snarky, easily seeing past Cloud’s tough-guy act, and she can fight! It’s just so nice to see a game that shows a strong female protag instead of just telling you.

Legit everyone is horny for Cloud and I’m so here for it

Okay so like. I love Roche. I didn’t at first but he quickly grew on me. He’s so awfully chaotic and I just- I love him. I’m mad that he was just kinda forgotten, though. Like! He could’ve shown up at the ending chase!!!

THEY REALLY WROTE HOJO TO BE AS CREEPY AS POSSIBLE HUH. Like I’m not complaining because like he’s basically the reason why everything happened, but! Ahhhh he makes me squirm he’s a creep with a gross science fetish and I wanna stab himmmmm

Okay so. President Shinra is a little bit TOO stereotypically evil? Like having a gold statue of himself and not even caring about sabotaging one of his own reactors when one little console gets destroyed??? Like it’s almost comical how evil he’s written to be. Though, I do like the scene where he calls Barret out on his ideals, that was neat!

Nowww, Heidegger Scarlet Palmer and Reeve? MUAH. Heidegger and Scarlet are written so sadistically but like in such a likeable way, especially Heidegger. God I hate them both but you just love to hate them!!! Palmer is HILARIOUS- I love how he’s written to be the spoiled kid whose parents forced the other kids to include him so he’s just there even though he doesn’t do anything. And Reeve? Well...

SO REEVE IS MY FAVORITE ATM SINCE WE DON’T HAVE VINCENT YET, AND REEVE IS JUST... <3 <3 <3 Okay so first off, his design is perfect. He doesn’t really stand out in the same way that Heidegger Scarlet and Palmer do. He just has a normal build, normal suit, normal hair slicked back- he just looks like a normal employee, totally inconspicuous... which is very fitting considering how he ends up being undercover and needs to look inconspicuous ;)

Though Reeve shows clear signs of overworking himself and being emotionally abused by his coworkers which... sucks. I mean it’s good writing but I feel so awful for him- Like you know it’s bad when someone just has to hold up a hand to get you to shut up and sit down. I like that he tries to do good things but steps down when he’s told to, that he’s empathetic but cowardly. It does a great job at setting up his character arc in future chapters <3

Okay so one thing- I thought the build-up for the plate dropping was amazing, but honestly... the plate itself falling was slightly underwhelming, to be completely honest. Like- I just didn’t feel the impact that a plate falling would have! Mainly because, you don’t see a single death which is interesting. Like you see people running from falling debris, but legit not a single death is implied. Honestly? I thought the scene would have been far more impactful if they showed:

Seventh Heaven actually being destroyed

The people topside reacting to the ground beneath them collapsing and them falling to their deaths(They only tried to evacuate Sector 7 slums! Not the topside!!!)

More people actually being implied to have been crushed(No, Im not counting Wedge). Like in the original FF7 there’s a scene where someone’s watching tv and you see the plate falling from outside the window- and there’s a reporter just doing his normal shit before he suddenly looks up and things go to static- like- thats an intense scene and I wish the remake did more stuff like that!

They do great showing people REACTING to the plate falling which is why its so appalling to me that they dont show much of the actual devastation DURING plate fall

I LOVE that Cait Sith shows up at the plate falling! It shows that Reeve actually tried to warn people(something he asked to do and was denied earlier), even if he was too late. The only problem I have is that new players who dont know who Cait Sith is will be horribly confused as to who and why he’s there???

Also, when the crew goes back to Sector 7, you don’t really... feel the impact right away. Keep in mind, an entire section of city just fell onto another section of city WITH the supports holding it up, there should have been way more rubble. Yet, the area where Seventh Heaven is just... looks like it was hit with a major earthquake. There should be way more rubble, like mountains of it. It’s weird since the opening cinematic really captures the scope of how huge Midgar is, but the plate falling just doesn’t really show the scope of how much devastation there was to losing an entire plate.

The scope of it is done a bit better when climbing up Sector 7, but I still feel like the weight and scope of destruction isn’t lived up to its full potential.

Okay so- Wedge and Biggs. ... Yeah, it takes away from the impact of their deaths to have them not die. I mean, I can’t make a total opinion on this just yet, because the other parts haven’t come out yet, but... if FF7R is gonna keep them alive, they better have a good reason for it tbh.

They might have done a little bit too much foreshadowing with Cloud and Aerith? Like I like Cloud having memory issues, it’s kept pretty vague... but him going “Mother?” with Jenova is a little bit too spoiler-y. Like yeah you gotta tease his whole thing but like- don’t give it away this soon!!!

I also don’t mind Seph showing up as much as he does. Like, in the original, you don’t even hear about him until close to the end of the Midgar arc. Obvi since the remake ONLY covers the Midgar arc so far, I totally understand bringing him in sooner. Again, having the clones existing might be a little too spoilery for the big twists later on, but I can let it slide since it’s still treated as very “wtf” and I’m sure anyone new to the story hasn’t put it together yet.

Did I mention how much I love Seph he’s so creepy and his eyes are gorgeous and he’s so intimidating by just being there

And the Whispers... I honestly didn’t like them. I kept forgetting that they existed honestly. They just feel so... detached from the plot. I don’t mind adding new content/story, but the Whispers just... didn’t feel well-implemented. They also felt really campy towards the end. Like, the fact that they could un-stab Barret and shield Avalanche from car accidents while they were escaping? They were legit like “no you can’t die even if you tried because fate” and takes away any tension of the scene because... well, they know they cant die.

That being said, the ending was interesting. I uh. It was interesting! So they actually defeat fate itself in order to change... who knows what. The future, maybe even the past??? I’ve got many thoughts on this

If the future is changed, that can be exciting since people who know the original’s plot won’t know what’s gonna happen next so like- okay!

If the past was changed... y’all know I’m talking about Zack. Was fate changed so that he could live? Keep in mind, we see Whispers surrounding Midgar before they dissipate and Zack’s like “ohey did I get all of em?”, implying that fate would have forbade Zack from ever getting to Midgar. Having the team defeat fate means... Zack may have now reached Midgar.

Is alternate reality/timeline stuff going to happen now???

Cloud’s character revolves around Zack dying. What’ll happen to Cloud now???

I feel so bad for people new to the plot who don’t know who Zack is.

Nomura... you madman.

So with the ending... Nomura and Squenix is setting something up. They’re going for something huge. I uh. I fear, honestly! Because this could very likely get WAY too ambitious and WAY too confusing(Think Dream Drop Distance’s bullshit plot), and could totally fall on its face and end up being Squenix’s biggest flop of all time. But... if this succeeds and they actually pull off whatever they’re trying to pull... holy shit. I would be floored.

I honestly am a bit afraid that the plot will be too confusing for new players. Like- no one would know whats going on with Zack unless they knew the original plot, so like while this would be a great game for FF7 fans, I’m really worried that it won’t be a good game for people new to the series.

Cloud in a dress is the greatest thing and I’m so happy they kept that scene I love him so much the entire scene is so queer <3

But overall, despite some nitpicks, it was a SUPER SOLID game and I’m soooo hype to see where they go with it! I wanna see Cait and Yuffie and Cid and Vincent!!!!!!!!!

#ff7r #I RAMBLE A LOT #ff7r spoilers

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pinkykitten · 5 years

Text

Come Back to You

Marvel

Stephen Strange x wizard! female reader

Warning: death, suicidal thoughts, depression, just a lot of angst but dont worry it gets fluffy, violence, curse words

Specifics: angst, romance, fluff, action, one-shot, race neutral reader, gif, !SPOILERS FOR ENDGAME!

People: stephen strange, steve rogers, tony stark, natasha romanoff, scott lang, thanos

Words: 2,147

Requested: By @abigator554 Hey could u do a dr strange x reader where she watched him fade away on titan and thought she would never see him again. she is also a “wizard” and fights in the last battle fighting as if she has nothing left loose. When all of them start to come back she sees him and runs over to him. She starts to break down ending with some really sappy stuff from Stephen and then they take down Thanos together

Authors Note: so this guys is a sad one indeed god i feel like this whole week has been sad. this story deals and talks about a lot and to me a lot of what u would go thru if someone u loved passed away without a why. if you havent watched endgame then maybe this isnt the fic for u, if u dont care about spoilers then go on ahead. thanks for the request and i always love writing about those who dont get written a lot. also this gif 😍 i mean cmon!

Its been 5 years. 5 years since your life turned upside down and was changed for the worse, but it just felt like yesterday.

You stood there, awaiting for what came next, holding tightly Stephen’s hand. “Stephen...”

Suddenly, without control, your colleges, your friends started disappearing on planet Titan. It all happened so fast. You tried to stop it, but it was out of your hands. “No, no, no,” you were shocked, tears streaming down your face as you saw the ones you loved die, just poof away.

You then remembered your husband. Turning your head to Stephen your world fell apart. He fell, leaning against a rock. “Oh god no,” you sobbed not wanting him to leave you. You needed him, he was your life. “Baby, no don’t leave me,” you pleaded, kneeling before him, clutching his once strong hands now going weak.

“I’m sorry y/n, I’m sorry,” he only whispered, feeling life soon leaving his body. “I’m sorry, I...we all tried. There was nothing more we could do.” He tried gripping your hand, granting you one last kiss on your knuckles. You could feel the splash of tears drop onto your skin feeling worse knowing he was crying, knowing he didn’t want to leave you. “I love you...”

He was gone.

The wind took his ashes away, leaving you with only a little piece of himself. Your lips trembled, you were shaking out of anger and sadness. You picked up a pile of his ashes in your hand and dropped them again to the ground. You looked up to the sky and screamed. Screamed on the top of your lungs. For once being and Avenger didn’t matter for you were powerless.

Sitting up in your bed full of sweat you look beside you. Hoping Stephen is there and it was all a nightmare. As you look you realize it was all a reality. He was truly gone. Again, everyday, you would sob. Either sob the whole night or sob till you fell asleep. You wrapped yourself up in one of his shirts, smelling it and just wishing for his presence, he was with you. “I miss you my love.” You would hug yourself with his shirt on.

You were alone in the house. You felt broken and just not wanting to live anymore. Sometimes, what was left of the gang, would come visit you but most days you wanted to stay in bed and hope and pray that you would die.

A knock on the door startled you. You still laid there not wanting any confrontation.

“Y/n, I know you’re in there,” Steve called out to you.

You groaned as you got up. You were wearing pajamas from who knows when. You hadn’t taken a shower, you were a mess. The house was a disaster and you were feeling very weak at the moment.

You opened the door lightly, “what do you want?” Usually, your cheery self or the you from five years ago would of said something sarcastic or something silly to Steve but that you had disappeared, along with the love of your life.

Steve looked worried, seeing as you had bags under your eyes and you looked almost lifeless, well you felt it. “Please, can I come in?”

You bit your lip in thought, thinking.

“Please, y/n, can we just talk?”

You nodded, opening the door wide for him. He looked around the house that was so lively with music playing and you and Stephen dancing together, cooking, you would invite the Avengers for dinners all the time but now the house was dark, curtains closing the sunshine. It was better that way, outside people experienced the same things. Loss of loved ones. Half of the population was wiped out from that snap so outside was dark and gloomy, like everyone's souls. Garbage, clothes, his clothes were every where, lying around the house, bills and letters were all stacked into one corner.

“Please, sit,” you said as you pointed to the kitchen table. It was all covered in junk. You quickly moved everything aside with force, not caring about a glass vase shattering. You just did not care about anything.

“Thank you,” Steve sat politely.

“Would you like some, um,” you went to the kitchen and saw you had no groceries, “water?”

“I’m good thanks.”

You walked back and sat in front of Steve, not knowing what to talk about but you knew what you didn’t want to talk about. Steve and Natasha and some of the group were dead set on bringing those who were snapped back. You just never wanted to talk about it. You didn’t want to bring your hopes up and then when it failed be down all over again. Even seeing their faces brought back your husband in your mind, old times.

“How are you feeling?”

You chuckled, “the same...”

“Listen y/n, I know you miss him-”

“No don’t you start with that,” you shook your head.

“-but you can’t keep living like this.” Steve wrapped your hands into his, engulfing them. He then realized you were wearing Stephen’s shirt. “He wouldn’t have wanted this for you.” You brought your hands back as if Steve stung your hands. You hated talking about him.

“Oh what the he*l do you know, Steve? I can and I will keep living like this. You know I kinda have the right to. Everybody, everybody is wanting me to take care of myself, to just live on, well what if I don’t want to! I never wanted to proceed in living without Step- without him...”

Steve felt pain for you, but he didn’t want nothing bad happening to you either. “Y/n, this has got to stop.”

“I can’t even say his name. I can’t leave the house without thinking about him. I don’t want to breathe, eat, sleep, do anything without him. I won’t. You all expect me, oh its been 5 years, well to me it feels like it was yesterday, you guys expect me to be happy again, to find a hobby, do something amazing with my life, I can’t! For god’s sake that was my husband. He wasn’t just a man that I wanted to pass and we’re done, he was like my other half! I could depend on him and he could depend on me and I failed him.” You slouched in your chair sobbing. Steve wrapped his arms around you, “no don’t think that way. This wasn’t your fault.”

“I wish it would of been me instead of him. Steve, I have a baby room and baby clothes, things. We were gonna try. I was so happy, finally having our little family like I always dreamed of and now, its not a dream, its a nightmare. A nightmare that I am supposedly supposed to keep living. Steve, I don’t want to live anymore! I don’t want this life! I just want it all to end!”

Steve soothed you as he embraced you harder and for as long as you needed him. You cried onto his shoulder, needing that comfort.

He stayed for the rest of the day there. Just having another person’s presence surprisingly aided you, but sadly he had to leave. You said your goodbyes as he left but he paused, “y/n if you ever need me for anything or just need someone there, someone to talk to, please, don’t ever hesitate to call me. Please.” He almost sounded as if he was begging. You, again, hugged him, “thank you Steve.”

A couple of days later you got the call.

You brought all your items together. Notebooks your husband told you about that were very important. They were about the stones, especially the one he gave up. It was all nostalgic. You remember Stephen he was your teacher. He taught you everything about magic and alternate dimensions. Grinning as you saw a picture you threw of him and you along with his old things, “don’t worry baby, we might get somewhere.” You got yourself ready and ran as fast as you could to the Avengers facility.

The call was from Steve, he said they might have found a way to bring back all those people.

You were so quick, so fast. Could this be real? Could this be possible? Could you really end up seeing your husband again?

You ran, everything disheveled as you entered. Slamming the door open, “tell me!”

They explained to you everything calling the plan the “Time Heist”. Scott Lang said he had experienced the Quantum Realm so he had knowledge about it. He told you that it may help them go back in time and retrieving all the Infinity Stones from major historical events. It all made sense. The lost pieces you were trying to stick into the puzzle piece were found.

“So you’re telling me this time voodoo whatever might actually work?” Scott placed his hands on your shoulders chuckling, excited, “that is what I’m saying y/n. We may be able to bring back all of them.”

Feeling light headed you sat down. Your mind was racing. Its been so many years. All this time you imagined there was never a possibility of seeing Stephen again and now you were told it might actually happen.

“Y/n are you okay?” Tony asked concerned.

Tears started to drip down your cheeks and you bit your fist, “we need to do this...”

Fighting alongside the Avengers trio leaving behind the feelings of lost from your friend Natasha you head straight for Thanos.

Using your powers you lift him up and smash him against stones.

“Guys were losing!” You shouted as you suddenly saw the army of Thanos storming toward you four. You held your breath as you were ready to defend humanity, ready to fight till your last breath. Until you heard a voice on Steve’s ear piece. You turned around, shocked, “could it be...”

All of a sudden Sling Ring portals start opening and one by one people that have been affected by the Snap appear.

“Oh my god, Steve!” You start laughing. Your hand atop your mouth so surprised. “It worked! It worked!” As you saw those you thought you had lost forever you remember that special someone. “Wait then that means...”

As the next portal opens up out comes you husband, Stephen.

You feel as if you are floating as you see him. Feeling his and your presence only in this terrifying war, in this world. Not caring about the battle that is about to begin you and Stephen make eye contact. You see a tear fall from his face as you pick up your cloak and sprint to him. You trip over your cape a couple of times but that does not stop you. As you get closer Stephen runs to you as well and the two of you embrace, you almost tripping him from the force. Stephen clutches onto your head as you rest your face into his chest, sobbing. “I thought I would never see you again. I missed you so much.”

“I know my love, I know,” he kissed your forehead as he rocked you back and forth. “I’m sorry for all the pain that I’ve caused you.”

You held onto him tighter, afraid of letting go. “It doesn’t matter anymore. All that matters is that you are here with me.” You felt a tear press against your cheek and you realized it was not yours it was Stephen. You backed away and looked directly at his face. Opening his tear filled eyes, the portals light gleaming against his orbs, he sniffles as he smiles, “...my love...”

You touch his cheeks lightly and bring your forehead against his, “we are one again Stephen.” You two share a kiss that was so passionate and full of love. All those days and nights crying alone were days of the past. You now looked forward to your future. A future with your husband.

(not mine! do not own!)

You had a grip onto his clothing and you two giggled after the kiss just enjoying each others company. “I love you Mr. Strange.”

“And I love you more Mrs. Strange.”

You two held hands as you all prepared for battle. As husband and wife, the power couple you and Stephen kicked some a*s as you fought for not your life but your husband’s. Vowing that you would never let anything ever happen again to him.

A life was lost that day. Everyone mourned the loss of Tony and previously Natasha. It was tough, they were everyone's friend. You thanked everyone for the sacrifices they made, without them you wouldn’t be able to have your husband beside you.

But just as a life was lost another life was born. You sat upon Stephen’s lap as you uttered only a few words that would completely change your lives, “guess what Stephen...I’m pregnant.”

Tag list: @harrington-lover, @angelgl16, @perfectlybeautifulsuit, @hyehoney, @haven-prelude (wont let me tag), @leasly, @totally-alexa21, @creamy-pasta-boi, @multireese, @fanfictionrecommendations-com, @prentisskelley, @malereaderforkpop (wont let me tag), @guardian-of-cookies, @justafangirl-97, @teenageshitposts (wont let me tag), @andreaoreas, @dippergravity (wont let me tag), @some-booty, @fromfoolishpeopletodeadpeople, @collectiveyou, @wtfisalltherandoms, @dirbel, @eastcoasthaven, @fangirl-4-life415 (wont let me tag), @marwantr, @divaanya, @wassupitschloe, @idontknowwhattocallthisworld (wont let me tag), @spycii, @eminemsgiraffe, @egos-r-life

wanna be tagged in my crap? comment!

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mental-health-advice · 4 years

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Submissions from 🦚🌺

So took me a while to scroll through to my last tagged ask (for some reason searching didn’t work). So much about staying consistent and actually tagging my stuff from now on. Gosh uff. The one where sibling found possible drugs and the one about mom being xenophobic almost causing shut down as in passing out were me too. I usually either tend to forget to tag or I guess am kinda scared since I feel I send in A LOT? I really don’t know. It’s just a lot going on and I feel bad always (1🦚🌺)

I feel bad always throwing all my stuff at my friends. Especially as one friend a few years ago was diagnosed with depression. Idk what her current situation is tho except that she seems to do better. I won’t ask her since I feel weird about that stuff. Plus really unless she wants to tell me it’s none if my business. But yeah that’s that I guess. Now… I’ve been rejected from the art college/highschool unfortunately so that’s out the window. My therapist suggests volunteer year 2🦚🌺

Whivh we have a social and economic one of I think? Idk. I know social won’t work because of my likelyhood of social anxiety which kinda self explanatory I guess. Economic I’m just scared I wont be able to pull the whole tear through, scared to do stuff wrong etc. Hell I spent 2 low sleep nights crying after the rejection and mom forced the answer out of me when I clearly didn’t want to talk about it. Turned into an argument about how I got forced into abitur/regular highschool 3🦚🌺

And OBVIOUSLY she blames dad for it. Which like… great whatever he told her. My point is HE was more supportive in front of ME than she was. She just tore me down 2 years ago. Next week I dont have a therapist appointment since she will be moving. So I’m praying this week will go by smoothly. Well as smooth as it can go with all the arguments around here I guess. I’m still trying to process everything since March 4🦚🌺

1? 2? I’ve lost track of time … weeks ago she and her bf fought very badly and she essentially ran away for an hour, he claimed he is leaving but then stayed. My younger sisters were all crying, my brothers were just not surprised and I had to try call family members (which calling others is a physical challenge for me) trying to find a way to deal with what happened. My therapist knows about this incident. She now also knows moms bf smokes weed but not about what 5🦚🌺

else we found. I’ll see if I can bring it up soonish since it still worries me… my brother also later confirmed again he caught them snorting it so yeah most likely we are right about it being cocaine. I feel uncomfortable looking up the effects of it but my cousin said that could explain a lot of moms behavior. Shes always been this way I think.I right now dont even remember where I was going with this ask chain hhhh frick.I’m loosing track of myself once again please send help 6🦚🌺

(Have to switch to browser because app again refuses to let me send stuff wtf) My mom also is back onto “oh you just have split personality!” … I have informed myself on DID and OSDD, I have symptoms yes. But I doubt it’s that. In fact my therapist even talks about that stuff with me! I have different parts but mom doesn’t know they exist so idk. I tried to literally tell her how DID is made and she didn’t want to listen. She claims she did almost everything right and I’m making up 7🦚🌺

My trauma. So you would think that she would stay away from assuming such a trauma heavy diagnosis. Welp she actually doesn’t know anything about mental health either way and legit took my brother off his adhd meds years ago because “they changed him too much” and then refused to take him to appointments when we noticed signs of tourette in him because she felt like she fucked up as parent?? Wat?? I can’t make sense of this woman anymore tbh 8🦚🌺

Sorry that this is all over the place, it’s 1am for me rn, I cant sleep really, still am trying to process I won’t see my friend who I was looking forward to seeing this year for 2-3 years and who would have been a temporary escape from this hellhole until at least another year or 2 depending on the situation, being in the top 10 corona countries and in fact second most infected state in germany and really just switching between sliding down to a kid and /or almost passing out 9(?)🦚🌺

almost passing out when trauma responses shut me down and I just can not describe my emotions of the past months other than I just want someone to hug me and to feel safe and to feel like this mess at home and the world isn’t happening. My mind is all over the place and I feel like at this point I’m going insane and I’m not making any sense anymore. Again sorry for the probably stupid rant/,vent that probably made no damn sense idek anymore - final🦚🌺

So much about what I sent in yesterday hoping for the best. 3 hours ago I woke up to a message chain about how we (me and my siblings. We are 6 in total) apparently abuse her and use her. And basically just complaining about the tiniest things regarding chores. For example yesterday I completely cleaned the kitchen and she complained because some dishes stood around since people still ate AFTER I did the chores. Like tf. My friends say it seemed like from the screenshots that she is 1🦚🌺

using us as tools? Idek anymore. She also completely ignored me sending her and asking her stuff about the valounteer year last night since the school rejected me and I need that alternative. Apparently a clean flat is more important than my literal future. On the other hand I for once had a normal conversation with my almost 15yo brother (I’m almost 19, however not mentally and also not in the position to move still especially with the virus and all) and it turned out that he shares 2🦚🌺

Moms views on therapy whivh I’ve mentioned in the past aren’t really the best views on it. So yeah that’s just great. He basically just thinks it’s stupid. Either way. Currently my only way of possibly getting away would be a psychiatric /mental hospital stay. THING IS while I’m bety aware it isnt like in the movies I am deadly afraid of the thought. Not having my freedom to come and go when I please, not being able to meet up with friends or something etc. I would not feel safe and 3🦚🌺

it would just expose me to a lot of stress and anxiety which wouldn’t be any better than being yelled at constantly at home and having mom shit talk my friends. Everything is just kinda a mess with her rn and my siblings don’t see it from my perspective. Like YES we mess up and don’t do things right. She has a reason to be mad. But NO she doesn’t have the tight to essentially abuse us and no her behavior isnt parenting this is manipulation. 4🦚🌺

They only see the first half and think she’s in the right… I myself struggle to differentiate right and wrong and am unable to read situations well, which is why it took me 17-18 years and my friends calling it out to realise this is wrong. But I at least listen… they don’t. I sometimes just wish I grew up in a stable functioning family. Or honestly that she never even had me since she was VERY young when she had me so that’s probably why she never learned how to 5(?)🦚🌺

Act properly towards us. As she had me when she was just my age (18) and then the following 8 years had 4 more of my 5 siblings. I feel she never had time to grow up and learn herself especially considering she was abused herself…. final🦚🌺

Hi 🦚🌺,

It's good to hear from you again! There's absolutely nothing wrong with messaging us often, so feel free to tag all of your asks that you send in! I think that will actually make it easier on both of us, as you'll be able to find responses easier and I can look back on your previous asks easier to make sure I'm not missing anything or repeating myself :) Also, the search function on tumblr is quite picky, so unfortunately it can be hard to find posts. I've run into the same issue with locating old asks on the blog as well!

It's understandable that you don't want to bug your friends with your problems, especially if they have some mental health struggles of their own. However, it might help to think of it this way: mental illness is so common that chances are most people you meet will have some sort of struggle with their mental health, which means you wouldn't be able to talk to anyone about your struggles if you don't want to bother someone who struggles with their mental health. That doesn't seem fair to you! While everyone needs to have boundaries, especially to protect their health, I think it's reasonable to share things with your friends when you're struggling. You deserve that support, especially with everything else you have going on in your life!

It must have been devastating to not get into art school and I'm so sorry that happened! It does sound like volunteering could be a potential route for you to go down, even if it's just until you figure out what you want to do in the future. It makes sense that certain volunteer options can be rolled out based on the nature of the work and the things you struggle with. Perhaps there is something you could do from home that wouldn't trigger your anxiety. For instance, I volunteer for a text-based suicide hotline, which I do from home. I'm not saying you have to do something exactly like this, but it might spark an idea that you or your therapist maybe haven't thought of yet. It's just something to think about.

What's going on with the drugs in your house is definitely concerning and I think it would be a good idea to bring that up with your therapist. It's really dangerous to have these kinds of drugs around with younger kids being there. Not only is it possible for kids to accidentally get into it and harm themselves, but it's also dangerous for them to be around adults that are high because of their erratic behaviors. This is why I think it would be wise to talk to your therapist about this to see what input she has.

It's great that your therapist has talked to you about your diagnoses as well as what you don't have that your mom has tried to say you have. I'm sure it's frustrating to have your mom make those accusations, but I think it's good that you at least have your therapist there to reassure you that you don't in fact have those diagnoses.

It's so disappointing that your friend won't be able to visit as you guys had planned because I know you were really looking forward to that! Unfortunately, coronavirus seems to ne ruining plans for most people all over the world. Hopefully you guys will be able to come up with another plan for meeting up, though it likely won't be able to happen until the pandemic is more under control. Still, at least making tentative plans for meeting in the future may give you both something to look forward to once travel is finally safe again.

I'm so sorry that your mom treats you and your siblings this way. It does sound like she may use you guys as tools, as your friends put it. This is sometimes another sign of abuse/neglect, which honestly isn't surprising considering all of your mom's other behaviors.

What you mentioned about getting out of the house makes sense and I agree that an inpatient stay might not be the best way to go about it. Not only will that be more restrictive, as you mentioned, but most hospitals won't allow inpatient stays unless the person is incapable of keeping themselves or others safe while receiving outpatient care (though I obviously don't know whether this is the case for you). I still think it's a good idea to keep thinking about potential ways of getting out of your mom's house once you're ready for that. One option I'm wondering about is a group home (I think these may be called something else in other countries but it's basically a house where several adults with varying physical and/or mental illnesses live together and there are usually various types of staff who also stay there). These can sometimes be a bit restrictive, but much less so than a hospital would be. I believe they typically have a curfew, otherwise you're allowed to leave during the day. Although I'm not sure if this would be a viable option for you (and it probably wouldn't be anyway until after the pandemic is more controlled), it's just something that popped into my head when thinking about other ways of eventually getting you away from your mom's abuse.

What you said about your mom's parenting vs. manipulation is 100% accurate. It's very common for someone who was abused by parents to go on to abuse their own children unless they put in the effort to change, but know that you still don't deserve to be abused and manipulated. It's not your fault that your mom was abused and never unlearned the negative behaviors she saw experienced as a child. You and your siblings all deserve so much better than this!

-Samantha

#abuse #abusive parent #drugs #drug use #family #🦚🌺#advice #advice blog #mental health advice #mhasamantha

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punkscowardschampions · 4 years

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Joe & Ronnie

Joe: [St Patrick's Day 2016] Joe: Ron Joe: Come back, I ain't going 'til tomorrow Ronnie: fuck you Ronnie: go now what the fuck does it matter Joe: It matters to me Joe: every fucking second away does and I don't care if you know it Ronnie: then dont Joe: I missed Christmas, they don't care that I bullshitted I had the flu Joe: had to do everything to stop them flying over to get me, and it was my sister's 16th so they're all on one about how long it's been Ronnie: and I dont care if they believe your bullshit or not Ronnie: I care that youre a useless cunt Ronnie: I care that youre being a fucking pussy Joe: I know you do Joe: I'm sorry or I didn't ask you to, the end result is the same 'cos I can't fucking not go, s'been months, any longer they will do something about it and fuck that Ronnie: get out of my fucking face mckenna Ronnie: youre not worth shit to me like this Joe: I don't want to and you didn't want me to five seconds 'fore you slammed the door in my face so Ronnie: give a shit what you want Ronnie: grow a pair while youre there or dont bother coming back like Joe: that's what you want, yeah? Ronnie: like you care Ronnie: go ask your ma what she wants Ronnie: or your sister Ronnie: shes legal to fuck now what do you need me for Joe: I want to make you happy, not them Ronnie: I told you what to fucking do Joe: I reckon I've got a better idea Ronnie: are you gonna say it Joe: come with me Ronnie: thats not funny Joe: I'm not trying to be Ronnie: it better be a fucking joke Joe: why not? Ronnie: fuck you Ronnie: you know every reason why not Joe: so it wouldn't make you even a bit happy to fuck her family up Joe: say you don't care but you do enough to hate her Ronnie: shut up Ronnie: I hate you Joe: go on then, do it and I won't be able to go back Joe: then you can chuck me if you hate me so much and I'll have nothing but another bad habit Ronnie: I aint the kind of sister to fight your battles for you Joe: now who's being pussy Joe: I'm ready to do it Joe: tell them everything Joe: show 'em Joe: what's the issue Ronnie: still you Ronnie: thats the issue Ronnie: you think you want it til I start it Joe: Name one thing you've started that I ain't wanted Ronnie: there aint a name for this Ronnie: you dont get it Ronnie: and youre not ready for it Joe: fuck that Joe: I don't love them I love you Joe: don't get involved then, I'm trying to give you something here Joe: but if I stop going, then they'll come, and it'll just happen here Ronnie: youre trying to give yourself something Ronnie: but I aint no performing monkey and you cant put me back in my box when you start shitting yourself Ronnie: there wont be one Ronnie: there wont be fuck all left Joe: Good Joe: what about me says that I want anything Joe: there's always heroin Ronnie: you want me to get arrested then yeah Ronnie: get rid of me like that Joe: I won't let that happen Joe: I'd take the blame before it did Ronnie: youre not listening Ronnie: you wont have any control Ronnie: you dont Ronnie: not over me Joe: I don't need any Joe: I don't want to control you Joe: I want you to do exactly what you want Joe: to me, to them, to the fucking world, that's what I always want Joe: you don't have to come, I thought you wanted to, wanted this Ronnie: stop flirting with me you sick fuck Ronnie: I cant think Joe: it's gone beyond flirting Joe: you've got 'til tomorrow to think Joe: come back Joe: please Ronnie: stop telling me what to fucking do Ronnie: or not do Ronnie: fucks sake Joe: I'm just saying if you don't come then I'll do it on my own Joe: that's just how it is Joe: I don't wanna do it no more, go back, not be here, with you Joe: pretend, more than I have to Ronnie: like fuck are you doing it without me Ronnie: the look on her face thats mine not yours Ronnie: a life for a life Joe: then it's settled Joe: come back though, I know Charlie and Bronson have got fuck all decent in to calm you down Ronnie: theyve got fuck all of anything now like Ronnie: having it in me already is the only reason youre getting words off me instead of a boot in your face Joe: gutted Joe: just for them, before you accuse me of flirting with you again Ronnie: yeah didnt reckon youd follow through on that Joe: if you'd come home I could give you everything you want Joe: close enough that it don't matter no more Ronnie: if I make it that easy neither of us will want it Ronnie: stop fucking crying Joe: what did they have then, make me cry some more with a trip report Ronnie: nursery school shit Ronnie: talk to me about this show and tell you wanna put on Joe: so my dad owns this pub, yeah Joe: st paddy's obviously best day and night of the year for business Joe: it'll be packed Ronnie: no shit Joe: do more damage if there's a crowd to hear and see Ronnie: then what Joe: depends Joe: loads of ways you could do it Joe: it's pretty obvious on both counts what we're trying to say together Joe: leave the rest up to you Ronnie: I know what I'm gonna do Ronnie: I don't trust you to pussy out first chance you get Ronnie: not* Joe: tell me Ronnie: I dont do foreplay Ronnie: fuck alls changed that much since I walked out Joe: alright Joe: could accuse you of being a tease about it but I can wait Ronnie: all those pint glasses on offer are the tease when you know how I feel about glass Ronnie: better lover than you Joe: won't take it personal Joe: made you look this good and I get to look so Ronnie: it only matters that you do take it baby Joe: whatever you give me Joe: and obviously, all this Joe: [drug haul!] Joe: i need to be comatose with you Ronnie: you shouldve started with the offer of that threesome Ronnie: Id be back ages ago Joe: if I made it that easy.. Ronnie: 🖕 Joe: alright, come get yours Joe: hurry up Joe: she's staring at me Ronnie: Im not your bitch Ronnie: Ill be there when im done ✂🪒 Joe: you wanna give them something to remember you by? Ronnie: theyll remember Joe: you gonna bleed for me too though Ronnie: im only doing my hair Ronnie: fuck all else is as fun without an audience Ronnie: dont get excited Joe: awh, you do care Ronnie: do you want me to cut your tongue out so you dont sound as rem as you look tomorrow Ronnie: care about that Joe: ✋🤚 long as you leave all ten relatively unscathed Ronnie: gotta leave myself something Ronnie: youre a shit enough ride already Ronnie: do I sound 🍀 now Joe: exactly like my exes Joe: well about it Ronnie: dont go round saying you were a virgin Ronnie: *nt Ronnie: more embarrassing Joe: oh, reckoned part of your big show was saying you deflowered me Joe: they're gonna be horrified enough though Ronnie: theyd believe it if you wanna go that far with the show Joe: don't reckon that's your plan Joe: but an interesting one Joe: I'll 🤔 on it Ronnie: your ma dont turn me on but neither do you so Id give it a shot Ronnie: reckon youll be horny enough for all of us Joe: the shit will have worn off by then, don't remind me Ronnie: how longs the flight? Joe: hour and a half, bit under Ronnie: 💔 Joe: I know Joe: long enough that all the mile-high cliches are gonna flood right back in Joe: more of a flight risk, should let me have my drugs instead Ronnie: no batteries no sharp objects no point Joe: you're hard to please, my dear Joe: and well selective Joe: the air hostesses, less so if they're even gonna consider it Ronnie: 💘 Joe: you want me to tell 'em you're coming or element of surprise Joe: what's your poison Ronnie: long as it eats away at her I dont give a shit Ronnie: tell em Ronnie: how excited I am Joe: 👍 Joe: on it Ronnie: lay it on well thick Ronnie: make sure theyve all got the taste in their mouths Joe: I know how to breed hope Joe: look at my shining education and musical genius Ronnie: almost hot til you ruined it Joe: one day I'll get you Ronnie: chuck your empty promises at that lot Joe: not the point no more Joe: don't just need my ✋🤚 for you Joe: string for my supper 'til I choke, that's the plan 🎻💉 Joe: can put my diploma on their wall if they want but give a fuck Ronnie: use it for roll ups Ronnie: like a hotel bible Joe: you're really gonna be that hot and not be here Joe: sounds like you Ronnie: it only gets hot when you start thinking about what poison youre gonna lace the 🚬 with Joe: you ever smoked wet? Ronnie: you wanna pop my 🍒 Joe: yeah Joe: only fair Ronnie: who plays fair Joe: hallucinations, disorientation, impaired coordination, paranoia, sexual disinhibition, and visual disturbances Joe: don't play 'cos it's fair, play 'cos it's fun Ronnie: alright you got me Joe: say again Joe: I can get that over there Joe: can smoke some 'fore the show Ronnie: sexual disinhibition Ronnie: thas the show you want Ronnie: I called it Joe: sue me Joe: or worse, obviously 🔪😍 Ronnie: 💉 Ronnie: Ill play and Im leaving Ronnie: dont start todays show without me Joe: you don't have enough hair to be taking this long Ronnie: I was using a broken mirror Joe: Charlie'll be fuming Ronnie: so was I when I broke it Joe: got all the shards out? Ronnie: not my first time Ronnie: youre getting 🍒 greedy now Joe: could've distracted me from the bag with a video or something Joe: you're being selfish, alternative title Ronnie: [sends him something only theyd be into, lord knows] Ronnie: take what youre given and lick it up Ronnie: im not a fucking charity Joe: 👅 Ronnie: ill bring you a shard to put on it the fun can really start Joe: 💘 Ronnie: you can fuck off calling me selfish like Joe: I'll take it back when I feel it Ronnie: yeah Ronnie: you will Joe: you still hate me, like Ronnie: only fair baby Joe: of course Joe: what kind of sick fuck Ronnie: theyll be lining up to tell you tomorrow Joe: might be worth sticking around for Joe: shame, they would make it fun when I'm trying to leave Ronnie: the lads mustve got that memo Ronnie: nothing more fun than a street fight Ronnie: gimme a sec to knock em out Joe: playing nice better or worse than playing fair Ronnie: you tell me soft lad Ronnie: youve had it up to the back teeth Joe: definitely worse Joe: fair was never a big concern with them but less soul-destroying Ronnie: ill rip mine all out before I use em to smile nice Ronnie: playing the way anyone else wants aint a big concern Joe: 🦷🦷 more useful than 👅 Ronnie: dont cry I wont I know what you like Joe: what did I do to deserve you eh Ronnie: you dont Joe: very true Ronnie: but your fucked family deserve me and ill let you watch Joe: suits me Ronnie: yeah you get everything you want Ronnie: this aint any different Joe: got a load of shit I don't want too, that makes up for it Ronnie: not gonna watch you cry fuck joining in Joe: just be here then Ronnie: im coming Joe: shouldn't have gone in the first place Ronnie: thats your fucking fault Joe: yeah Joe: but don't leave me Ronnie: if I wanted you gone Id kill you Joe: you're so considerate Joe: any time Ronnie: you aint getting out of tomorrow Ronnie: ill strap your rotting corpse into a plane seat before I go on my fucking own Joe: I want to be there Joe: and I wouldn't make you go alone either way Ronnie: mckenna Joe: what Ronnie: dont fuck it up Joe: that's your role Joe: is there anything you actually want me to do or just watch Ronnie: stay out of my way Joe: done Ronnie: 💘

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lunaarajewel · 4 years

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Answering questions because I’m bored again

1. What have you eaten today? breakfast was oats with pb and banana, lunch was a zucchini stew, and then i had oats again for dinner because why not haha ><

2. Who was your last kiss with? Was it pleasant? it was sweet, felt a bit bittersweet because i said bye until next time

3. What color shoes did you last wear? black

4. Who has made you laugh the hardest in the last week? Myself

5. What is your favorite scent? Baked goods

6. What is your favorite season? Why? Spring and or early summer, it's so nice to smell all the flowers and to hear the birds again, to feel the warmth from the sun

7. Can you do a handstand or cartwheel? I can do a headstand on my forearms and a bad cartwheel xD

8. What color are your nails? currently blank!

9. If you had to get a tattoo on your face to save your life, what would it be? a moooon

10. What is something you find romantic? Hugs from behind when i least expect it

11. Are you happy? Yeah I'm doing really good, which is surprising because i haven't felt like that in a long time

12. Is there anything in particular making you happy or sad? The thing that is making me happy is probably my antidepressants but they have helped me to get hope again.

13. Dogs or Cats? Cats

15. Which do you prefer:a museum, a night club, the forest or a library? Ooooo difficult question because it depends!

15. What is your style? Hmm i'd describe it as a mix of cottagecore, steampunk, astrology, herbalism, witchy stuff

16. If you could be doing anything you like right now, what would it be? Travel to japan

17. Are you in a relationship or single? I'm dating but not an official relationship nope

18. What makes you attracted to the person you like right now? Their humor, the way they are so relaxed and careless

19. If you could replace your partner/best friend with a celebrity of your choice, would you? Who with? Whaat no i wouldn't do that

20. Are you holding on to something you need to let go of? If so then what? Some toxic behaviors/habits a bit!

21. How did you celebrate last Halloween? I listened to dark music a bit extra, watched nightmare before christmas and had some halloween candy

22. Have you recently made any big decisions? I started taking antidepressants!

23. Were you ever in a school play? Yes, when i was younger i was a princess i remember

24. What movie would you use to describe your life? aaa that's difficult, i haven't watched that many movies tbh!

25. Is there something you have dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it? Learning piano properly, but i've been busy with mental health stuff so i haven't been able to. But I've been planning on taking it more seriously lately

26. Complete this sentence, “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…” all of my thoughts without judgement

27. What are two things that irritate you about the same sex? (for some, not all) Jealousy, constant focus on showing off to guys

28. What are two things that irritate you about the opposite sex? (for some, not all) Bad at communicating, bad at understanding

29. What is the best thing that has happened to you this week? I started taking the steps to honestly change my life for the better

30. What is something that makes you sad when you think about it? How I treated my ex, he was actually really kind to me but I wasn't mentally stable so I couldn't communicate well to him. But I hope he's well! I only wish him the best.

31. How long was your longest relationship? a little over a year

32. Have you ever been in love? Oh yeah

33. Are you currently in love? A bit!

34. Why did your last relationship end? I ended it because I wasn't well enough, I needed some time alone to get back to myself.

35. What jewelry are you wearing right now, and where did you get it? A heart necklace i made, handmade bracelet from a market, 3 earrings from hm

36. When was the last time you cried and why? When i first took my antidepressants i burst out crying so its around 3 weeks ago i think

37. Name someone pretty. Uma thurman

38. What did you receive last Valentines Day? Japanese snacks

39. Do you get jealous easily? Nope

40. Have you ever been cheated on? Not that i know of

41. Do you trust your partner/best friend? Yes

42. Ever had detention? hahah yeah because i skipped class to buy piercing jewelry

43. Would you rather live in the countryside or the city? hmmm, difficult question. I think i'm that kinda person that likes to switch between the two

44. What do people call you? Luna since it's my name

45. What was the last book you read? "stjärnhimlen" (a book about stars)

46. How big of a nerd/dork are you? well i'm a nerd for moss e.e

47. What kind of music do you listen to? veryyy mixed, metal, rock, indie, alternative rock, jrock, instrumental, kpop, pop, rap

48. How tall are you? 163cm

49. Do you like kids? I don't mind them!

50. Favorite fruits? Banana, blueberries, blackberries, raspberries, wild strawberry, persimmon

51. Do you wear jeans or sweats more? Sweats

52. What’s your earliest memory? In kindergarten i used to dance to Westlife music

53. Ever had a poem or song written about you or to you? Nope not that i know of

54. Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? behind

55. Do you have a collection of anything? Moon stuff

56. Do you save money or spend it? I try to save!

57. What would your dream house be like? Filled with things i've made and antique stuff as well

58. What top 5 things make you the angriest? Aaa i dont know, i try not to focus on those things

59. What top 5 things always brings a smile to your face? a good meal, plants, good music, animals, finishing something i made

60. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do? I would help the dog

61. 72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid? Yeah i'd probably tell the ones closest to me that arent my family. then i'd just make the most of my time, i'd travel to japan for a week, france/germany for a week, a week with my family and last with the ones close to me outside of family. I would probably be a bit scared but i wouldn't try to focus on that fear too much, because well if theres nothing i can do about it then worrying about it will just stop me from enjoying the last of my days

62. Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart. A heart shape ❤️

63. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? Japan!

64. Do you like the beach? It's okay, not my favorite place

65. Ever sleep on the couch or a bed with someone special? Yes

66. Do you have a middle name? If so what is it! I have two middle names, Ida and Johanna

67. Do you talk to yourself? Yes, because it helps me to understand my own thoughts and situations better

68. Describe your hair. Thin, blonde

69. What is the meaning of life. To enjoy it

70. What is your ideal partner like? Calming, feels like home, a bit spontaneous romantic, supporting, good listener and communicator

71. Do you want to get married? Yeah it would be cute

72. Do you want to have kids? A bit torn on that question, can't say no or yes

73. Like or dislike your family? A bit so so

74. Are you Chunky or Slim? Somewhere in between

75. Would you consider yourself smart? Yes in some ways

76. What would you change about your life? The place I live

77. Religious or Not? Nope

78. You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with? I dont drink so no one!

79. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem? Nope

80. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you? Nope, and my family doesn't say it either

81. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now? Probably sleeping

82. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in? Yes but my mom wouldn't be too happy haha

83. Do you like when people play with your hair? yes it's nice sometimes

84. Do you like bubble baths? Nope, i don't really like baths so much

85. Have you ever been pulled over by a cop? Nope

86. Have you ever danced in the rain? Yes, with my old best friend

87. Do you trust anyone with your life? Yes the ones closest to me, not really my family though

88. What was your first thought when you woke up this morning? I wanna eat haha

89. If money wasn’t an issue, what top 10 places would you travel to? (You get to stay at each place for a week) Japan for 3 weeks, France, Germany, LA, Italy, Greece, Thailand, England

90. How was your day today? It was good! I made some stew for the week

91. Play an instrument? A bit of piano, some chords on guitar but thats it

92. Describe the what you think of the ocean. It's okay, if i go i usually prefer a smaller beach with few or no people

93. Do you believe in aliens or ghosts? Aliens but not like in movies, anything that is alive outside of our planet so anything even if it's an ant sized creature it's an alien to me. And as for ghosts i'm open to the idea of it but i haven't really invested much time in that topic!

94. Honestly, are things how you wanted them to be? Nope, but i believe they will be someday

95. Do you have a mean bitchy scary side? Not bitchy but a bit scary maybe

96. When are you vulnerable? When i'm deeply in love

97. How much free time do you have? A lot currently but i'm taking that time to relax

98. Do you like to go hiking? Never been!

99. Odd or Even Numbers? Even

100. Would you ever go sky diving, bungee jumping , cliff diving, wing suit gliding, parasailing, snorkeling, or other extreme activities? hmmm, i can't say for sure

#answered

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thepersephonecabin · 4 years

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Legacy and Bullshit Mindfuckery (fic)

Summary: Luvander has two things for the Adamo’s first child: a gift and a wish.

Please see full tags and warnings AO3

Note: So... How did we get here? Well, basically, when I was writing A Very Adamo Christmas for @foxesonstilts for the @festivebastion exchange I meant to put in a short bit about a Luvander giving Laure and Adamo’s first child a very special gift, but forgot until after finishing FestiveBastion. So I told myself I was gonna write a small addition, and then my latent need to see the airmen recover after the war took over and suddenly I had a 4k+ luvander character study on my hands. And also about halfway through my if-i-dont-write-this-right-now-i-will-never-sleep craze a tiny part of my brain was like “you should make luvander a trans man for absolutely no reason” and I did and actually really liked the way it fit into the story.

So anyway, I hope you enjoy!

A day and a half following the birth of Rory Adamo, Luvander found himself on the doorstep of the Greylace Estate once again. Wrapped in one arm, he cradles a soft drawstring bag, cream in color with a light pink ribbon around the top.

He didn’t bother knocking as he shouldered his way through the doorway. Even though he still primarily lived out of the apartment above the hat shop, this place was dragon territory, and therefore as far as he was concerned, it was his home as well.

“Hello?” he called out, slipping his shoes off at the door. Maybe if he was really lucky, Rook would come in and pitch a fit about like he would in the good old days.

Balfour emerged from the lounge with a book cracked open in his hands and questioning eyes. “Oh, Luvander. It’s you.”

“It’s me,” Luvander confirmed. “Where’s the chief and his young lady love? I had something I wanted to bring to them.”

“They’re in their bedroom, I think,” Balfour said before quickly amending, “Oh, no, not like that! I think it was just time to change her.”

“Ah,” Luvander said. “How is the not-so-little tyke anyway?”

Balfour smiled and began leading him up the stairs to Laure and Owen’s room as if Luvander hadn’t been there not two days ago. “Oh, you know. She sleeps and eats and poops and cries. Lucky the three of us don’t room up in the same area of the house as Chief Sergeant and Airlady Adamo or I’m sure we’d all be knackered already.

The three of us. Luvander knew he meant the three Second Wavers outside of Laure of course. Luvander felt a sick little spark of jealousy flare up in his stomach and not for the first time at their mention before he stamped it out with the guilt of it all.

Balfour continued, “Mom and Dad are still smitten with her though. I wager that by the sixth week in they might be out of the honeymoon stage.”

“Sixth? I don’t know if I could make it to the second,” Luvander said. Of course, he was happy to have a little niece to dote on, but Luvander had never seen much draw in the idea of having a baby you couldn’t return to its rightful owners when it began to shit itself.

Balfour laughed good-naturedly, “I think Adamo’s a bit more levelheaded than you, however.”

Luvander shrugged. “Maybe so, but I’ll stick to my instinct and take you up on that bet.”

They’d reached the Adamo bedroom now, and throught the door Luvander thought he could hear the baby’s wordless vocalization (Did most newborns make this much noise when they weren’t crying or was this one just especially talkative, he wondered) paired with Laure’s laugh and the low tenor of Adamo’s voice.

Balfour turned to him, touching Luvander’s elbow softly through his coat. Balfour wasn’t wearing his gloves today, Luvander observed. Good, he thought, he shouldn’t feel like he needed to hide them, especially not here, not with family.

“Before you go in…” Balfour began, “I wanted to ask how you were doing. I know Ghislain sailed out.”

Luvander resisted the urge to grimace. He liked to tell himself he did an okay job of deflecting everyone else’s attention away from his persistent problems with loneliness. On the good days he cracked enough jokes and sarcastic witticisms to keep the people around him too entertained to notice. On the bad days he threw himself into overworking, holed up in his workroom with little sleep and becoming overly perfectionistic about whatever he was working on until he felt like tearing it all apart again. But on the best days Ghislain was home, in this place Ghislain didn’t even think of as his home, but the place Luvander was, which in Luvander’s mind designated it as Ghislain’s home nonetheless.

Balfour, however had always been the one he couldn’t fool, and it was a fact that needled at him constantly. He didn’t enjoy it when others looked past the mask he’d so carefully crafted for himself like one of his custom hats.

Not that Luvander had anyone but himself to blame for that. Balfour always suspected Luvander’s yearning for affection and attention and approval had been more than the average loneliness, but then Luvander just had to go and fuck it up even further.

It had been at least a year and a half or maybe even two when it happened. He, Raphael, Balfour, and Rook had been drinking (because of course they had) in Balfour’s room at the Greylace Estate. These rooms were a damn sight bigger and nicer than the ones in the Old Airman, a fact that Luvander could never parse out about whether he appreciated or was annoyed by. As such, Balfour had set up a couch and a few chairs to fill the space between his bed and the opposite wall. Ever since Raphael turned up again, they’d started having little get togethers one or twice a month, alternating whose place hosted.

Then Thom’d been offered a job as a professor (a real one this time) at the ‘Versity and Rook had come back to Thremedon bitching and complaining the whole way back from whatever adventure they’d been on when they received the letter. Apparently Thom had already begun writing a letter back declining the offer when Rook found out and through some well-intentioned bullying and ripping of half-finished correspondence got Thom to accept. From Luvander’s understanding, Thom had decided immediately to pass on the job in order to continue looking after his older brother, knowing that Rook had very important reasons for staying away from Thremedon. He couldn’t ask Rook to go back there, and he didn’t feel comfortable letting Rook travel alone without eventually winding up dead in a ditch from asphyxiating from his own vomit either. According to him, Rook’s mental health had markedly approved once the Dragonsoul was destroyed and th’Esar’s plans thwarted. He’d finally been able to properly grieve, Thom said, but that didn’t mean he was ready to part ways and risk Rook relapsing without him to drag him out of it.

Rook found all this out and stubbornly refused to go along with that “bullshit mindfuckery” Thom was always practicing on account of the fact that teaching at the University had always been Thom’s dream job, and he would be damned if his little brother threw it away for his sorry ass. After all, while the ‘Versity had improved in regards to letting in more students from poorer walks of life since Thom had been awarded for his work with the Airmen, the same improvement hadn’t come in regards to hiring choices. For all any of them knew, this might be the last time a mollyrat was offered a job at the Empire’s highest learning institution in a long, long time. So, back to Thremedon they came, and Luvander, Balfour and Raphael’s little survivor’s club had expanded from three to four members. (There had always been an open invitation to Adamo as well, but he only rarely took them up on it.)

So, anyway, they’d been drinking thoroughly and Luvander more thoroughly than the rest. It’d been months since Ghislain had come to port- not his fault, some jobs simply took longer than expected- and Luvander was in the pits. That said, he’d been holding it together pretty admirably that night, and it had all been fine until Rook and Raphael left. Raphael said he had Royal Guard duty the next day- it was a job offer Luvander, Ghislain and Raphael had all received from the Esarina herself after she’d almost died by her own guards that night when they’d had to rescue the Adamos. Raphael had been the only one to accept.

But so when Raphael stood up to leave and appropriate one of the Estate’s carriages Rook also decided to leave “before the Professor starts hyperventilating over me” and figured it would just be easier to go back in one carriage. It was, in sober retrospect, a suspiciously sensical thing to come out of Rook Molly’s mouth, but who knew anymore. Luvander didn’t know what kind of bullshit mindfuckery Thom had exposed that man too while they were travelling, but Rook’d been all kinds of weird since they’d come back and by “weird” Luvander meant “vaguely decent.”

The two of them took their leave and after that the details grew fuzzy, but he did remember drunkenly confessing his depression about missing Ghislain to Balfour and Balfour being nothing but supportive as understanding.

“You’re so sweet,” Luvander had told him, slurring his words and cupping the other man’s cheek. “You know that? You’ve always been so sweet, Balfour. Sometimes I wonder how someone as sweet as you got mixed up with all of us selfish ingrates. You always deserved so much better than us. Hell, if you’d never met us assholes, you’d still have your hands.”

Balfour blushed and looked away. “My hands weren’t your guys fault, and even if I don’t have them, I have my girl and all of you. Besides, I’m not so inno-“

And that had been as far as he’d gotten before Luvander launched himself into Balfour’s lap and shoved their mouths together.

Now, it’s important to note that Luvander had always been a touchy drunk. He’s sure he’d made passes at all thirteen of the other airmen more times than he could count while trashed out of his mind. He even had one absolutely disastrous incident with Adamo that had gotten a very stern talking to about appropriate relationships between a superior officer and his subordinates the next morning. Luvander had deeply respected the things Adamo said to him at the time despite the massive hangover he was fighting his way through as he said it and the urge he had to hang himself rather than have this conversation at all. That didn’t mean he hadn’t brought up the irony of it in his speech at Laure and Adamo’s wedding, though.

Which was all to say that Luvander was no stranger to make-out sessions with his friends after a few too many drinks. In fact, drunken fooling around had been the bedrock upon which his entire relationship with Ghislain was founded. Even after Luvander and Ghislain were “official” they’d kept the relationship fairly open because Luvander wasn’t the sort to abstain from sex for months at a time while his lover was at sea. It had simply come with the condition that if anything that strayed from the “casual sex” territory and into the “feelings” territory had be to discussed- Ghislain wasn’t jealous about Luvander being with other people physically, but he was jealous about having to share Luvander’s heart and overprotective at times about the idea of someone taking advantage of Luvander’s emotions.

This had been different though. This kiss with Balfour hadn’t been borne of happy delirium or playfulness like most of his less-than-sober escapades were. This had been borne of deep, deep sorrow. A desperate effort to patch a leak in a dam ready to burst. The other reason it was different was because Balfour had only had had two drinks that night, and Luvander had had at least five times that.

On the bright side, if one had to have such a mortifying experience in their lives, Luvander could think of very few people better to have it with than Balfour Vallet.

The epitome of gentlemanly behavior, Balfour had gently broken off the kiss and softly and without malice told him that they couldn’t do this, not when Luvander was so intoxicated. Luvander had nodded and understood, but then broken into wracking sobs as he blubbered about how fucking alone he felt all the time. Balfour let him cling to him like a security blanket even though Luvander was still straddling him and repeatedly assured him that he didn’t care if Luvander covered his shirt with snot and tears.

Then Luvander woke up the next morning on Balfour’s couch with a blanket draped over him. His clothes were all intact with the exception of his shoes and his binder which he had a bad habit of sleeping in and Balfour knew it. Balfour must have peeled it off once Luvander had passed out along with the boots and then buttoned Luvander’s shirt back up and even replaced his signature scarf. Both binder and boots were now neatly laid out on the coffee table with care.

There were still a few bottles of alcohol too, and ordinarily he might have been tempted to drink them. This time though, he reckoned he’d done enough damage under the influence for one day.

That was about when Balfour appeared, already dressed for the day and carrying a tray of water and coffee. “Oh, you’re awake,” he’d said, kicking the door shut behind him. He sat next to Luvander on the couch and set the tray on the table. “I hope you don’t mind that I took off your…” he said awkwardly, wringing his hands like he always did.

It took Luvander a moment to understand he was talking about the binder. “Oh. Oh no, it’s- Balfour, I know you’d never do anything to me or go further than protecting my ribs from some rather tragic pain in the morning. And it’s not anything you haven’t seen in the showers before. If anything I think when it comes to invasions of peoples’ personal boundaries, I should be the one apologizing to you right now. What happened last night… the way I just went after like that was unconscionable and I promise it will never happen again. In fact, I wouldn’t blame you in the slightest if you never wanted to see me again.”

Balfour looked shocked. “Of course, I don’t want that. What happened last night wasn’t ideal, obviously, but you were plastered and having a rough day. I get it.”

Luvander could’ve both laughed and cry at that. “But it wasn’t just a bad day. It was… Bal, I think I have a problem.” He could practically feel the bile coming up just from saying those words out loud, but he told himself that if there was ever the time to admit it to anyone, this was it so he continued: “I think maybe I always had. Even before Xi’an it was like this, just not as intense or constant. I don’t know how to be alone. I don’t know how to feel unimportant or like I’m not the center of attention without letting it control me. When there were fourteen of us I could ignore it, right? Because there was always someone around, but now…” He wiped away tears with his scarf and adjusted it anxiously. “And, like, the way this place just fucking tossed all of us out like yesterday’s trash the second they didn’t need us anymore and that blasted medal ceremony was over didn’t exactly help.”

Balfour nodded slowly. “I think I know the feeling or at least a fraction of it. I felt so isolated and broken at the end of the war, but even before that I… well, I suppose I always felt like I was second to Amery.”

Luvander felt another pang of guilt. None of them had been sure how to react when Balfour replaced his brother in the Corps, but Rook more than anyone. Before Amery died he’d been the one of them that Rook was closest to, so Balfour’s presence was anything but welcome to him. So, whenever Rook had a problem, Balfour was usually who he took it out on. And Luvander had always just let him. Because sometimes crossing Rook was like crossing god in that house, but it didn’t excuse how cowardly he’d been.

“Got feminine parts between his legs, airman’s honor.”

That’s what Rook had said about Balfour when he’d tried to be kind to Thom that first day when the Professor had them do introductions. Even then, Luvander, the real one with “feminine parts” among them was sitting right there, and he hadn’t said shit to stop Rook.

(Luvander had always felt Rook didn’t mind trans men as much as he minded trans women. Something about the way trying to be more masculine was seen as noble, while trying to be more feminine made you a Mary in a world where women were always seen as lesser. But he also felt like Rook’s somewhat backwards and begrudging acceptance of Luvander’s presence was conditional, like it was something that he was able to revoke at the barest hint of insubordination. Luvander was tolerated as long as he fought well and shut up and was cruel like him, but that didn’t mean it was real. At least Thom had seemed to have trained some of that out of Rook over the years, but it was still a nagging fear for Luvander.)

Luvander didn’t say any of that. He just said, “I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to fix it.” I don’t know how to fix me.

Balfour escorted him to the ‘Versity after that and made him talk to Thom about it. Thom being Thom, of course, looked at it as the academic he was. He talked about all kinds of fancy words like ‘schizoid’ and ‘histrionic’ and ‘dependent personality’. Basically, Thom said he couldn’t be sure exactly what the problem was without examining further. But he assured Luvander that there were coping mechanism they could try and that he had colleagues from the ‘Versity that he could ask for more medically focused advice as compared to Thom’s social theory perspectives.

Bullshit mindfuckery, Luvander remembered. As much as he wasn’t thrilled at the idea of Thom “examining” his psyche, he was significantly less thrilled about a perfect stranger doing it. At least he could trust Thom. At least Thom knew jackshit about how the airmen worked beyond the court gossip and bards’ song and those fucking statues that made them war heroes and not real people anymore. At least Thom was there when he woke up on an infirmary bed unable to talk for how deep his throat had been slit only to find out that four out of fourteen of them had come back. Even if Thom had been beside himself with grief, unaware that number five, Rook, was still breathing somewhere out there, at least Thom had borne witness for himself what they’d gone through, and Luvander wasn’t about to have to hash all of that to someone new.

But he couldn’t sit on his hands and not accept help when it was offered. Because he’d made Balfour a promise. He’d promised that he would never kiss Balfour again without fair and honest consent, plastered or not, and he’d meant it. He had so few friends left in this world. He wasn’t about to lose another due to his own selfishness and stupidity.

And so, he gave himself into the bullshit mindfuckery. He’d been meeting with Thom once every one or two weeks (or more than that if something set him off and crisis called for it). It was helping, Luvander thought. Slowly but surely.

Back in the present, Luvander shrugged at Balfour noncommittally. “It sucks, but I’m seeing the Professor tomorrow. And I guess now if I need someone to keep me company I could come and let the baby keep me busy so Mom and Dad can have some alone time.”

Balfour smiled at him. “You could have come over anyway. Well, I won’t push for specifics, but if you want to talk later…”

“I know where to find you,” Luvander confirmed.

Balfour gave him a bigger smile now. “Okay. I’ll let you talk to them then,” he said, and began descending the stairs, leaving Luvander at the at the door to the Adamo’s room.

He knocked briskly on the door and heard the Chief say, “Come in,” from the other side.

When Luvander opened the door, he found Laure on the bed over the covers cradling not-so-little Rory and making faces at her. Adamo was over by the radiator holding a bottle over the heat.

“Ah, I thought I heard someone out there talking to Balfour,” Laure said. “I didn’t know you were coming over today, but then again, I don’t think the pregnancy brain is totally out of my system yet.”

Laved waved moved to sit on the bed at her feet and waved her off with a hand. “It was unannounced. I had a gift for the baby and thought I’d bring it over.”

“Oh, that was thoughtful of you,” Adamo remarked walking over. To his credit, he only let a sliver of the wariness of a man who put up with thirteen uncontrollable ever-pranking monsters with dubious respect for authority for Regina even knows how long it’s been slip into his voice.

Luvander took the drawstring bag from the crook of his elbow and held it in his lap. “Well, I started working on this once you announced she was on her way. I guess I could have given it to you earlier, but it just felt like I should wait to give it to Rory in person. And of course, I didn’t exactly know you would choose to go into labor in a blizzard, so I didn’t have it on me the other night.”

He had a million things to say, a million possible preambles he could make, but he figured it was best to just show them. So, he pulled open the drawstrings, reached in, and pulled the carefully constructed figure of silver-grey fabric and held it up for inspection.

Adamo looked too shocked to say anything. Laure’s mouth had dropped into a soft “o” shape. But Rory had caught sight of her new toy and vocalized with one hand in her mouth and the other reaching out toward him with demanding hands. Bossy, he thought, Like her dad.

“I’m not sure I got all the details right since I was working off memory, plus she never really let me get that close to her anyway, but… Here she is,” Luvander said, because in his hands was a very small plush dragon.

“Is that…” Laure began.

“Proudmouth,” Adamo breathed. “Can I see her?”

“Of course,” Luvander said.

Adamo took it from him as if squeezing too hard would make it turn to nothing in his hands, turning it from side to side to see all the craftsmanship Luvander had put into it. Embroidered patterns where Proudmouth’s metal had been engraved, carefully cut and stabilized fabric made to take the shape of gears, a brass-colored ribbon where brass-colored brass reigns would’ve been. Every detail down to the shape of her claws had taken hours to craft and even more hours of meditating and sifting through bittersweet memories to recover. And here were the fruits of his labor all pieced together. Finally, Adamo let out a breath and said, “Looks just like her.”

“Well when you two starting talking about having kids, I wanted think of something special I could pass down to them, and eventually thought, well, every Adamo needs a dragon, right?” Luvander said. “So, I settled myself of making a different for each of your kids, if you have more that is. And it felt important that Rory got Proudmouth as your firstborn. I think… I think if things had turned out differently than they did Proudmouth could have been her birthright what with the way Anastasia picked two Vallets in a row to ride her.”

Adamo’s face as always was had to read, but somehow with a dragon in his hands, he looked years younger, and Luvander could tell whatever he was feeling he was feeling a lot of it.

Then Adamo smiled and said, “Thank you. It’s perfect, Luvander, really. I guess we should give Rory her girl and see if they choose each other.”

He passed the dragon to his daughter’s grasping hands, and they all watched as Rory immediately pulled Proudmouth to her chest.

“I think that’s your answer,” Laure laughed, dabbing at her eyes.

And in that moment, it seemed to Luvander that the world shone brighter. Welcoming a new generation was always hard, especially when the old one had lost so much, but it felt nice to be able to give the Airmen a proper legacy- one that wasn’t bronzed in statues, written in theses, or whispered behind hands at palace balls. But one that was simple- from father to daughter. And wrapped up in that gifted legacy was a wish, the most powerful wish Luvander had ever made, sewn into every stitch and seam: I wish that the ones who come after us won’t need our bullshit mindfuckery in the first place.

And then, Rook ruined the moment when they all heard a loud bang of the front door opened way too forcefully, followed by “BASTION FUCKING DAMNIT, WHO LEFT THEIR BOOTS IN THE DAMNED DOORWAY, I THOUGHT I DIDN’T HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS SHIT ANYMORE!”

Laure, Owen, and Luvander all looked at each other, and all at once they burst into laughter.

#volstovic cycle #havemercy #the oc's #rebloggable #my fic #screams into the void im actually so proud of this fic and i dont know why #also i know janie isn't on tumblr anymore but i just think of her every time i write about luvander so im wondering if it would be weird to #hey remember me? probably not we talked like 2 times but i wrote a fic about luvander and i miss seeing you in the fandom because i dont ha #ve a pillowfort

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