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h2llish · 5 months

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【╰ヾ❝ ONLINE ✧„

LEVIATHAN ━━ he's falling in love with a human ♡ fluff, mutual pining, male reader, lowercase intended, online friends-to-lovers, mc is levi's bestie and goes by they/them, mentions toxic gamers (fucking losers)

fem aligned dni (she/they, she/her, etc)

part of the love in chance series

leviathan isn't quite sure how it happened, but he found himself with an online friend crush. and this person isn't even from the devildom, but rather, from the human world.

it was a coincidental meet.

mc gifted him a human world game that they thought he might like, and suggested they could play it together, and if he didn't like it, they could always take it back. he quite enjoyed it after a few games playing with mc. then they suggested they tried playing with other players, and he, maybe a bit hesitantly, agreed.

he immediately regretted it after he found himself with a woman on their team who was quickly insulted for even playing. he couldn't understand the comments of "go back to the kitchen", and "why don't you go make me a sandwich", and when he asked his human friend, they told him it was normal for women to receive such comments in the gaming community. he pitied the woman and contemplated ditching the game and going back to the devildom games he already had.

but then someone whose gamertag was quite ridiculous suddenly cut in between all the comments. he found it funny how you quickly shut down the comments with your own; "imagine having such fragile masculinity you're upset a woman plays better", and, "i'm against body shaming but small dick energy much?", and mc's personal favorite, "that's rich coming from a motherfucker who probably peeps on his neighbors". it shut up most of the people interrupting the game and let the woman play a lot easier. mc even decided to thank the odd username owner for shutting the others up.

levi learned the woman was actually friends with you and asked you to come online with her because she wasn't exactly the confrontational type. and it was pretty obvious as she mostly just awkwardly laughed at all the men's comments (levi totally understood that).

mc was the one who encouraged levi to friend you. if it wasn't for mc, he wouldn't have realized how much in common the two of you had (as much as a demon and a human could). like how you cosplayed and enjoyed human world anime. or how you liked to play games of all types. and although you weren't as much of a shut-in as he was, you were pretty introverted.

he found himself playing the game often just to talk to you, and when you began to suggest different games for him to play, he'd quickly turn to mc, who had no problem helping him find them, and then you guys would play those games together. eventually, your conversations moved outside of gaming, spent late into the night on human world terms, where you guys would just talk. you learned a few things about him (things he could disclose that wasn't him being a demon), like how he had six brothers and was the third among them. he learned stuff about you too, like how you worked at a record store, and how you weren't on speaking terms with your parents because they didn't accept that you were gay.

the more comfortable you two became, he realized, the flirtier you were. mc found it hilarious when levi would send them screenshots of your recent conversations, to which they always suggested that maybe you were becoming interested in him. he doubted that but mc was sure of it.

finally, you messaged him one day, requesting to see his face, which caused the poor demon to panic so much he had to call mc over.

yo face reveals? i want to make sure i'm not flirting with a 70 yr old man

(it was ironic, mc said upon seeing the message, because of levi's real age.)

with enough encouragement from the human exchange student, he finally managed to respond with a simple ok and a picture of himself. your response was instant, and it caused mc to hold back laughter as they comforted a flustered levi.

oh shit that's you? you're really hot

and then you sent your own picture and mc had to comfort levi again. how can you call him hot when you look like that? you're way more attractive, he had told mc, and they only sighed; he was hopeless.

that's what led to the calls and the facetimes (as much as he could with his brothers). he enjoyed talking to you, even when he found himself flustered during the many times you would flirt and compliment him. mc even met you (they introduced themselves as a friend), and the two of you got along well. mc even made the comment of approving if you ever asked out levi, which caused the demon to go red as you immediately thanked them and said you'd keep that in mind.

his brothers noticed his rather giddy mood change throughout the months of speaking, and when they tried to ask, levi bristled and brushed them off. they turned to mc, but they only giggled and shrugged.

mc knew levi had come to gain feelings for his online human friend and they were ecstatic at the thought. they were supportive and constantly brushing off levi's negative thoughts of how you didn't like him back (he does, mc huffed, he definitely does).

and then the day levi hadn't been expecting (yet hoped for) came; you wanted to meet him in person.

"levi, it's okay!" mc sighed, trying to coax the demon from out of his bathtub, but to no avail.

the demon was mumbling to himself, things mc couldn't quite catch from his position curled up in the odd choice of a bed. they briefly heard what sounded like "what if he doesn't like me" or "he's not gonna talk to me again after".

"levi," mc approached the tub, leaning over it to poke at the demon's side, "he's already seen what you look like, and he obviously enjoys talking to you. i don't think meeting in person will change that."

"you don't know that.'" levi argued in return.

mc rolled their eyes, deciding to half-ass whatever they could come up with to get him out of the tub, "are you gonna take a human's word or a demon's thoughts? you're meeting another human levi, i think i do." that seemed to cause levi to pause, and mc mentally patted themselves on the back when he slowly climbed out of the tub to face them.

"what if he finds out i'm a demon?"

"then we can deal with that. but i know everything will be fine. okay?"

"...okay."

the human world was cold, but levi remained unaffected as it couldn't possibly amount to the winters in the devildom. he anxiously played with the ends of jacket, glancing around the park he was in, sat waiting on a bench. mc had sent him off with words of encouragement, promising to keep his brother's from asking questions. and when he was no longer in the devildom they sent him texts just to make sure he remained somewhat confident in his meetup with the human he had come to like in more ways than just platonic.

he glanced down at the sidewalk and sighed, only to quickly snap his head back up when he heard someone call his name.

"levi?"

he searched for the voice, finally spotting you jogging towards him, wearing clothes befitting of the weather with your hair pinned back and out of your face. he felt his face heat up the closer you became, until you were standing in front of him, staring down at him with wide eyes. his nerves picked up and he tried to refrain from shrinking away under your gaze, avoiding looking at your face.

finally, you spoke; "wow," you said, sounding out of breath, and he couldn't tell if it was because you jogged over to him or the cold (although, really, it was neither), "you're even prettier in person."

levi froze, face going hot as he sputtered over words in reply. the cold that nipped at his skin did nothing to calm the heat that spread over his body, words jumbled and incoherent while you remained standing, only staring at him with that same wide-eyed look. it didn't help his case when you decided your first comment just wasn't enough.

"you're so cute, levi." you sighed, bringing a hand to clench at the clothes covering your chest, almost whining your next words, "it's so unfair what you do to my heart, ya know?"

he'd argue with those words; it's unfair what you do to him.

he couldn't tell if your words were serious; although mc tried to give him more confidence that you returned his feelings, he'd struggled to tell whether your flirty comments were just jokes or your true feelings.

you suddenly grinned, and levi eyed you from between his fingers, hoping to hide the red of his face. "say, i think i'll do it now."

"what?" levi slowly lowered his hands, giving you a questioning look.

you leaned forward and grabbed his hands in yours, quickly sending another wave of heat across his face. you tilted your head and smiled, genuine, "levi?"

levi stuttered, "ye-yes?"

"would it be okay if we made this a date?"

oh, the poor thing might as well pass out with how flustered he was the more this carried out, yelping in repeat of your question, "a date?!"

"yup!" you hummed happily, "i meant to ask after we'd already met up for the first time but you're just so cute!" (you really liked calling him that; him, a demon, cute? would you still think that after?) "so? what do you say?"

the many times mc tried to get him to realize how you returned his feelings replayed in his head. they were right? of course they were.

"o-okay."

your smile somehow brightened, and you pulled away to cheer to yourself. a flustered levi watched, unable to cool the burning in his face at how happy you looked the moment he agreed. you already had him so bound to you, yet you remained completely unaware.

you turned back to him, a proud smile on your face, "next time, i'll make you my boyfriend!"

thought i'd start with my fav loser /affectionate <3

do not repost, translate, copy or run my writing through an ai

#obey me!#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me leviathan #leviathan #x male reader #obey me x male reader #leviathan x male reader #obey me leviathan x male reader #obey me x reader #leviathan x reader #𓂃 ࣪ ˖ 【 ✉ LOVE IN CHANCE #𓂃 ࣪ ˖ ✧ fluff

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dromedawrites · 1 year

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MTMTE Ratchet, Drift, Rodimus, and Megatron helping you recover from top surgery.

Reader is transgender (ftm/ftn). Any pronouns are neutral. You can interpret this as romantic or platonic, though I drifted more romantic for some interactions. I might do more characters later!

(Also not super important but I like to think reader has some way of ‘mass shifting’ themselves on on the LL so they are not a tiny creature running around, unless you like that, lol.)

Crack/Fluff!!

Ratchet:

He did his homework. He knows so much about the procedure by now that he could have done it himself.

What he doesn’t understand is why such a life-saving surgery is so bloody expensive.

No, seriously, why did it cost you 10,000 dollars? Do humans not have healthcare?

He would have done it for free, because he cares about you, but Ratchet understands it’s best you’re surrounded by human doctors in case something goes awry.

Ratchet is PREPARED when you come back disoriented and sore. He’s got a private room in his med-bay ready just for you.

It has everything; dry hair shampoo, oversized clothing, powdered deodorant, wedge/pregnancy pillows… so much.

He even has extra medication for you just in case.

Don’t ask how he got a hold of all of this. (It might have involved some stealing.)

He is incredibly gentle when he helps you. You feel so much better after he checks in on you.

Ratchet can’t believe how brave you are. Despite the pain you know you were going to go through, you still chose this. The right, albeit difficult, choice.

He’s proud.

Drift:

He would have helped you pay for the procedure if he could. 10k in human currency is nothing to him.

Drift could’ve been your gender-affirming alien sugar daddy.

You told him that they wouldn’t accept any type of alien money.

They might think it’s cryptocurrency.

Drift didn’t quite understand how invasive the surgery was until Ratchet explained it to him.

His jaw drops. He can’t believe how fucking strong you are.

Drift intensely empathizes with the pain. He’s had some life-threatening injuries with recoveries just as long.

He doesn’t think any of them come close to this though. Humans are a hundred times more fragile and you’re CHOOSING this?

He gives a lots of forehead kisses. You actually think it speeds the process. (You’re just gay.)

You have Ratchet, but Drift is like a second nurse whenever he visits. Which is often.

And of course, there are the mandatory healing crystals he leaves beside your medberth.

They’re pretty. They help distract you.

Plus, he leaves the best ‘Get Better’ notes.

Rodimus:

When you tell him you are getting surgery he panics a little. He doesn’t want his best friend to die!

He asks if you have cancer.

You have to calm him down and explain the TYPE of surgery you are gonna get.

He immediately relaxes, and when you ask why he thought you might have cancer he shrugs.

Rodimus has no idea what cancer is.

But he’s super happy for you!!!

He does his own ‘research’ (aka, just ask Ratchet) and has the same reaction as Drift.

There is so much bravery inside such a tiny human!!

You might also be the entire reason why the Lost Light is staying on Earth for a few months.

Which actually is not so bad. Some bots are happy to be on Earth again.

The government isn’t so happy about it, but it works itself out.

Rodimus may or may not have told them why they are here.

You get a congratulations note from the fucking President later and you are so confused???

He loves to help you reach for stuff on shelves now. It’s been weeks now and he is still doing it.

Flameboy misses cuddling with you until you are well enough again.

But then you have a giant 4 hour napping session with him once you are.

It was worth the wait.

Megatron:

Megatron is angry once he hears how much you had to pay for such an important procedure.

He wants to speak to the president.

He lets you vent about how cruddy trans healthcare is, in general, all over the world. It’s not much better anywhere else.

Instead of Rodimus he actually does research.

The concept of ‘gender’ has always left a somewhat bitter taste on his glossa, but he’d be lying if he didn’t find the literature of queer folk interesting.

Megatron is now a gender abolitionist and trans activist.

He gives you a giant, sappy hug before you leave.

When you get back he’s upset he can’t give you the physical comfort you look like you need.

He is very patient though.

If it’s not Ratchet doing it, he makes sure you are taking your meds on time.

Despite his squeamishness when it comes to some functions of the human body he insists on helping you clean yourself.

He wants to keep you as comfortable as possible. (And not stinky. No offense. He loves you.)

Megatron is proud. Look at you. Even during recovery you seem happier.

He’s definitely not writing poetry about it. (He’s already written three by the time you fully recover.)

You get another cuddle session from Megatron once you’re ready for it.

Megatron is secretly a giant teddy bear.

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fierceawakening · 1 year

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Thinking about the whole way there is a moral panic rn about “pedophilia” and that while I don’t believe in most of it even I am afraid to wonder aloud what proper sex Ed should be for people too young to consent to sex

Like obvi they should know what the parts are, how they work, And That unfortunately diseases like to live on those parts even when they’re too fragile to live on other parts. But like, stuff about how sexuality WORKS.

I had the vague sense I was probably gay from a young age and the5 was okay, but I also have the much less vague sense I was probably sadomasochistic, too, and there was absolutely nothing in popular culture to tell me that didn’t make me horrible and evil. I literally asked a shrink to lock me up once as I was unsure I could keep to celibacy, and surely that meant 8d do harm. I think I was seventeen?

People need information, and sometimes the information people need is explicit. Not because grooming is okay, but because kids don’t fantasize on some exact developmental timeline of milestones, and if you wait to give them information until the milestone is hit, they can invent a hell of a lot of “surely this means I’m inherently evil and should maybe die?” while you’re waiting.

Do I hit post. DO I HIT POST

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monstersinthecosmos · 19 days

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List 7 comfort films and tag 7 people!

Tagged by @ihaventcomeupwthanameforaheroyet ! thanks!! I WROTE DOWN A FEW FAVS OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD (IN NO ORDER) AND HAD 9, SO, I THINK IWTV 1994 GOES WITHOUT SAYING LMFAO, ALSO HONORABLE MENTION TO AMERICAN PSYCHO BC IT MAKES ME LAUGH MY ASS OFF EVERY TIME BUT I ULTIMATELY CUT IT FROM THIS PRESITIGOUS LIST.

is it obnoxious if i put some pictures in the post too? Sorry I get really excited to talk about movies hkjdslgasd please don't feel obligated to put pictures in yours, I'm just being extra.

Terminator 2: Judgment Day [1991]

LISTEN I CRY EVERY FUCKING TIME it's just the best, ROBOT DADDY??? HOT MOMMY???? The T-1000 is so scary?? ALL THESE RIDICULOUS EPIC FIGHT SCENES AND THE ACTORS ARE JUST NOT EMOTING AT ALL BECAUSE THEY'RE ROBOTS? The director's cut with the extra scene where John is trying to teach the Terminator to smile and you realize when he does his little side smirk it's because he's copying John's smile, bc when he copied randos it didnt fit on his face?!??! Eddie Furlong's voice cracking which feels like such a happy accident because he's a weak little fragile human in contrast to the killing machine?? PLEASE.

Hellraiser [1987]

IT'S WEIRD, IT'S KINKY, IT'S GAY, IT'S CHEESY, IT'S GOT PRACTICAL EFFECTS THAT ARE KINDA COOL BUT KINDA STUPID, IT'S GOT THE GRAINY 80S COZY FEEL, IT'S GOT INCREDIBLE FEMALE SEXUALITY AND BAD ACTING, I JUST LOVE IT. It's just a movie I put on when I need to relax and wow it just makes me really happy ;.;

Pet Sematary [1989]

okay this one and the next one and the last one are all GRAINY 80S COZY FEEL, you have to understand that I grew up watching 80s horror from like the age of 5 so that flim look, the grain, the flat lighting, it just !!!!!!! gives me so much cozy fuzzy warmth for childhood and I just adore it. Anyway !!!!!!1 I LOVE THIS MOVIE SO MUCH it's so extremely dark and also extremely absurd, somehow it's so magnetic that you are immediately immersed even though it's got the aesthetic of a bad TV movie, it's just wonderful I adore it. ALSO a rare super faithful Stephen King adaptation!

An American Werewolf in London [1981]

PRACTICAL EFFECTS MY BELOVED!!!!!!!!11 blah blah cozy 80s, but also! FUNNY! ROMANTIC! TRAGIC! SCARY WHEN IT NEEDS TO BE! I'm so deeply deeply impressed by the practical effects in this film, too! But wow it's so good every time, the hot nurse in this movie is a crazy monsterfucker I adore her, it's a good Armand/Daniel AU, the end is a gut punch every fucking time, it's the best, a naked American man stole my balloons, etc. Absolutely perfect film.

Le Fabuleux Destin d'Amélie Poulain [2001]

VISUALLY STUNNING FILM ABOUT AN ASEXUAL WOMAN WITH SOCIAL ANXIETY, PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. I think this movie like, changed my life maybe? I think I saw it when I was 15 or so and it just had such a huge impact on me. I used to watch it so much I would just turn the subtitles off because I'd get distracted and didnt even need them anymore. It's a movie I used to bring with me when I traveled, like I brought the DVD with me when I studied abroad because I was so scared I'd have anxiety or get homesick, I just always wanted to be able to watch it if I need to. IF I WATCH THIS AT THE WRONG TIME OF THE MONTH I CRY MY EYES OUT which is cathartic in the end, idk if it's comfy or comforting but wow. but wow really amazing film it's so beautiful and had such a huge impact on my worldview and my creativity and the way I write and the way I do photography and just !!! ;.; I'm gonna cry!

The Departed [2006]

I really like it when Leo DiCaprio cries and he's not a super crybaby in his one but he does scream in pain and have the shit beat out of him and has panic attacks and needs anxiety meds! The cast is sick! The music is amazing! It's such cool storytelling!!! It's exciting every time! The ending fucks! GOD. Just wonderful, I love it so much. The Blu-ray starts over every time it ends so every time I watch it I tend to walk away and let it loop all day LOL. It's disgusting how many times I've watched it. ALSO MY BABE VERA FARMIGA WHAT A MILF god i love her.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall [2008]

this is like such a perfect comedy for my sense of humor, INCLUDING A BONUS DRACULA SUBPLOT CAN YOU BELIEVE IT, but is actually such a clever and lovely story about getting over heartbreak wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love this movie so fucking much oh my god. Also ever since I worked on ships I feel like especially potent to it because there's something about the social community within the resort that feels so much like the community of a cruise ship crew!! ;.;

Tagging (but no pressure!): @rugbertgoeshome @hekateinhell @mothmage @apoptoses @cup-of-lixx @somevagrantchild @covenofthearticulate

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wing-ed-thing · 10 months

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Strong (Might Guy x Reader)

Synopsis: Blind or not, Maito Gai wasn’t about to treat you like you were fragile.

Word Count: 0.7k

Tags/Warnings: Blind!Reader, Earth-StyleUser!Reader, Gender Neutral Reader, Sparring, Canon-Typical Violence

Notes: I hope that you enjoy and that I did this archetype justice.

Maito Gai, to his credit, never treated you with fragility.

You blocked a heavy kick to your right. The force against your forearms made you slide in the dirt, nearly sweeping you from where you stood planted. Soil fell on top of your feet, leaving a portrait of your struggle on the earth below. If anything, the immersion gave you an advantage.

“Jesus! Take it easy, Gai!” Ebisu shouted somewhere off to the side, waving his arms in panic at the edge of your sparring circle. You practically felt his presence as you fortified your ankles with your earth-style. “You need to be more careful!”

You scowled; Ebisu’s frantic vibrations through the earth were enough to throw you off as you were nailed square in the stomach. You grunted, stumbling back a short distance. Gai bounced on the balls of his feet in front of you, adjusting something on his gear as he waited for you to catch your breath. His movements made his position clear, almost as if Gai was refocusing your attention back on him.

“You got distracted!” he announced triumphantly. Ebisu protested in the background, growing louder. You let out another disgruntled moan, plucking a kunai from the pack on your hip. You lunged towards Gai, not stopping your sparring as you sent the blade flying toward Ebisu. It whirled past his ear before he could even blink, making a dull sound as it lodged in the tree bark behind him. Ebisu yelped in surprise.

Gai laughed a jolly chuckle as you moved forward into him, faking him out with an uppercut before catching him with a round kick.

“Oh, now that’s a good one!” Gai howled, his movements growing quicker. You spat blood onto the ground following a rapid punch. Ebisu cringed from the sidelines, voice muffled by the hands he slapped over his face.

“I can’t watch,” he lamented.

“I don’t know what you’re complaining about,” Genma muttered, mouth sounding partially full as usual. He stood particularly still out of respect for the match. “It ends the same every time.”

The slight pivot of Gai’s posture in the dirt below and the change in the air pressure as his fist sailed toward you told you all you needed to know about his stance. You ducked under his arm by a margin, wrapping your arms around his neck as your leg shot swiftly behind his knees. And in a single moment, you had Gai down on the ground.

“Yeah! What do you think about that, Maito!” You hollered. He writhed in the dry dirt, only causing you to tighten your hold on him. “You can thank Asuma for this one!” You felt three quick taps on your thigh and instantly let Gai go. He sputtered praise but sputtered nonetheless.

“You… you gotta teach me…” he coughed. Genma let out a barely audible sigh, pushing off from where he leaned to come your way. He tossed something to you, and you caught the wet cylinder in your palm. You took a few chugs before offering it to Gai.

“Water, Gai. I can’t have you croaking on me just yet.” He took it from you, the air bubbles he made rippling through the liquid in the bottle. He sighed, breathing as heavily as you were. You offered him a hand, which he took.

“That was absolutely stupendous! The best yet, I’d say.”

“Yeah? You didn’t even win, Gai.” With your opposite hands still intertwined, you bumped chests before pulling away. You landed a punch on his arm.

“Well, no, but you showed me that there are still things out there for me to learn!” You took back the water as you started off. Gai followed in tow, waving his arms as he raved about your daily sparring session. Genma stood and watched, hands in his pockets, as the two of you passed by. Ebisu came to stand beside him.

“Where are they going?”

“Beats me.”

Thank you to all who liked, reblogged, followed and otherwise supported. Your support means so much and is greatly appreciated.

Notes: Lmao the move that Reader does is the same as Annie’s move from AoT. I kept trying to think of expletives for Ebisu, but the funniest one that came to mind was JESUS lmaooo I feel like Ebuisu would scream JESUS and CHRIST all the goddamn time

#might guy x reader #maito gai x reader #might guy #Maito Gai #naruto x reader #naruto #might guy fanfic #maito gai fanfic #naruto fanfic #x you #x reader #reader insert #naruto fanfiction

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fancifulpurposelesslovely · 28 days

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hello!! I have newly joined the summer sons fandom and if you are in the mood to do some character extrapolation, I’m so curious to know how/if you see Sam and Andrew’s ~dynamic~ progressing post-canon? I read your exchange about the canonical power dynamics between them with another user and I found both of your viewpoints fascinating and insightful so like if it would be fun for you I’d love to hear more! Do you think they ever explicitly acknowledge it between each other? Who do you think brings it up if so? I feel like Andrew would have some complicated shame-adjacent feelings to work through based on what he internalized from Eddie as “appropriate masculinity” if anyone like made him explicitly acknowledge how much he gets out of and enjoys casual submission, but I can’t get a handle on how Sam would think about it? I also feel like Andrew would rather die than bring it up at least in terms of where he is at with his communication skills immediately post-canon. Idk! If it would be interesting for you to think it talk about I would love to hear your thoughts!!

Pretty much one of my favorite topics in general, anon! Just wanted to wait until I had time to sit down at a real keyboard for this.

So I've definitely tried to think about how their relationship and any dynamic might evolve post-canon, and I've got a very quick post on the subject:

And this is largely still my main opinion. I think they're very intelligent and wild and very specifically sheltered in a way that Riley had to break out of for his own sanity a lot earlier than Sam or Andrew did. So Riley would either buy a couple of books online or get some from a library or something, leave them in a bag on Andrew's bed with a note, and hope they never had to speak about Andrew's relationship with Riley's cousin ever again. He might also beg Ethan to jump in and be another source of information on the gays and the intricacies of kink stuff. Not because Ethan is necessarily an expert or involved himself, I think he would just find it interesting and wouldn't have the personal squick about Sam.

(For the record, I think Riley would grab The New Topping Book and The New Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy and Paradigms of Power and Negotiating Your Power Dynamic Relationship by Raven Kaldera to start. Or at least, those authors are where I tend to start.)

I do think the almost breaking each other and the general fucking up will be an important part of it all because these boys are not naturally drawn to lengthy verbal communication about their wants, desires, and issues. A lot of it would be done by feel, by vibe, by following body language. Assumptions, wrestling that starts playful and gets to be more, setting up mutual unspoken expectations for each other, then getting pissed/hurt when the other person didn't live up to them 100% of the time because they didn't really know they were supposed to. Sam being slightly too critical of Andrew on a day where Sam is tired and overwhelmed and Andrew is a little fragile, not realizing Andrew would hold onto that for days because Sam "didn't think his opinion mattered that much." (no no that's not personal experience talking, ofc not). Andrew getting in the habit of grabbing Sam refills or new drinks or being the runner for different party chores, then one night just not having the energy or not feeling appreciated and just refusing to do it. Sam and Andrew both not understanding why Sam got so annoyed about it and why their relationship cools down for a couple of days. Little shit like this that's fairly visible from the outside if either of them has a tendency to bitch about it or if you share a living room with them on a regular basis.

I think they do eventually talk about it (this might not be in character for canon and I may have just decided because I want them to, but I'm sticking with it.) I think Andrew would probably read a couple of chapters of the books Riley gave him, panic about it, ignore them for weeks, try again, repeat cycle. I agree that he would have a lot of hang-ups around masculinity and being "like that", but I also think he'd recognize himself and recognize parts of his relationship with Eddie. He'd eventually see that what he and Eddie had been together had been really unhealthy, and maybe it could have been something better and stronger and real, if either of them had ever figured out how to talk about it.

Eventually though, stuff would resonate enough that he'd feel the need to talk to Sam, or he'd be weird about stuff for weeks and Sam would tell him to spill or get over it. So Andrew would bring the books over and try to talk about what Riley had pointed out or what parts of the books were speaking to him, and they'd alternate Andrew being stubborn and recalcitrant and blushy/interested, and Sam would probably laugh it off at first but when that clearly hurt Andrew's feelings, he'd try to hear him out. Sam would chase the blushes and the interest, but he'd probably have complicated feelings about being explicitly asked to lead Andrew in this way. On the one hand I think it would feel like another responsibility that he's being asked to shoulder, but on the other I think he could come to recognize that this is the kind of relationship he wants and that he's wanted to build before without having the words for it. And I think he would recognize what it does for Andrew and what Andrew' submission could mean for him (Sam). Picking up one responsibility in exchange for being able to put down others. Feeling cared for and appreciated even as he cares for Andrew.

I think after talking about it they'd still fuck up sometimes. I think they'd still feel weird about drawn out explicit negotiations and there would be a lot of joking and a little arguing and maybe substances to get through some of those vulnerable conversations. It would take time and patience.

One of my fics gives a pretty explicit example of how I think kink/power would play into their relationship later (be warned, it's entirely a piss kink fic, we blame mark.) Another fic plays a little bit more with the abstract and the subtle undertones.

Did this answer the question? I went all over the place with it. Thanks for giving me reasons to think about it again!!!

#summer sons #writing #andrew blur #sam halse #power dynamics #kink discussion #character exploration #asks #anon

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ninja-muse · 7 months

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September is birthday month, if anyone's wondering why my acquisition of books appears to have slipped again (picture #2). At least I'd read nearly all of them before they joined my library shelves, and Winter's Gifts, well, it's really easy to read an Aaronovitch novella within a day or two of acquiring it. Especially since…

September was also week-vacation month, which is part of how I made it to 13 books read but very little explanation for my read-from-TBR-shelves stack (picture #1), only two of which I read on holiday. The two short ones I read in the gap between "finished the latest Book Of Substance" and "started the official Vacation Stack", and Digger was one of my 2023 goals so I decided to check that off. Baking Yesteryear was a surprise/accident. I was telling a coworker how much I enjoyed reading the library's copy and they said, "hey, while you were off, we got a copy too damaged to sell…". And one has to treat oneself in birthday month.

(Vacation was good, in case you were wondering. Camping, so no wifi, so lots of outdoors and reading time and charming rodent shenanigans.)

My biggest regret of the month, by which we mean less regret and more mild bookish panic, is the number of reading copies I appear to have taken home. I have one for Menewood which I'm planning to get to once I finish with My Roommate is a Vampire, and the rest of them were, well, um. Look. When your store buyer and random publishers send you books you'd enjoy and your coworkers finish reading ARCs you've been interested in, things happen, okay? At least at this point a lot of the books are coming out next year, which probably doesn't bode well for my 2024 TBR but that is a future problem.

Also, not doing great at my goal of reading a Canadian author every month. This is the second (?) month in a row I've failed on that front which, yes, is why I'm reading a Canadian author right now. (Also it's one of those ARCs a coworker finished with.)

Beyond the bookish stuff, there's not much to report. I've written a good bit and am surprising myself by how much I can write on my phone during a commute. Had a good birthday. Ate good food. Got fun things. Dealt with slightly more chaos at work than usual. Finished the last season of Great British Bake-Off aired in Canada and am looking forward to starting the Canadian version tonight.

How was your September?

And now without further ado, in order of enjoyment…

Evidence of Things Seen - Sarah Weinman, ed.

A collection of true crime journalism tackling recent social justice issues and big-picture flaws in the justice system.

8/10

multiple #ownvoices essays by BIPOC authors

warning: the usual things one would expect to find in true crime journalism

Infinity Gate - M.R. Carey

A scientist, the multiverse, AI, and the nature of humanity.

8/10

Nigerian and Moroccan POV characters

warning: slavery, fire, xenophobia, war, torture, violence

Thornhedge - T. Kingfisher

Toadling confronts the knight bent on entering the sleeper’s tower.

8/10

Arab Muslim secondary character

Digger Unearthed - Ursula Vernon

A wombat’s tunnel takes her to a very foreign land. She would like to go home please—but there are gods.

8.5/10

Baking Yesteryear - B. Dylan Hollis

Tried and true recipes from the past century.

9/10

🏳️‍🌈 author

The Fragile Threads of Power - V.E. Schwab

Seven years after Red London was saved, some people have moved on and others are still picking up the pieces. And some are asking whether the king deserves to be in power.

7.5/10

POV characters of colour, 🏳️‍🌈 POV characters (gay), 🏳️‍🌈 author

Winter’s Gifts - Ben Aaronovitch

Agent Kimberley Reynolds investigates a case with “unusual characteristics” during a Michigan winter.

7/10

Ojibwe secondary characters

Lud-In-The-Mist - Hope Mirrlees

A bourgeois father tries to save his children from the plague of fairy fruit—which is hard, since it doesn’t officially exist.

6.5/10

warning: classist, misogynist, generally unkind to the disabled and mentally ill

A Long Day in Lychford - Paul Cornell

Something is wrong with the borders around Lychford and the local coven has to put things right before people get hurt.

7/10

Black British main character

warning: mild racism and xenophobia

The Vaster Wilds - Lauren Groff

A servant girl flees her colonial town for the dubious safety of the wilderness.

7/10

protagonist of colour, mentally disabled secondary character, incidental Powhatan and other indigenous characters

warning: racism, misogyny, rape, disease, starvation, murder, death of a child

Board to Death - CJ Connor

Ben turns down a suspiciously good deal on an old board game. Then the dealer turns up dead on his doorstep.

6/10

🏳️‍🌈 main character (gay), 🏳️‍🌈 secondary character (gay), 🏳️‍🌈 author, #ownvoices

Starter Villain - John Scalzi

Charlie inherits a supervillain empire, complete with a subscription mega-laser, spy cats, and enemies.

6.5/10

The Lazy Tour of Two Idle Apprentices - Charles Dickens and Wilkie Collins

Two friends go on a holiday to northern England.

7/10

Currently reading:

Like Every Form of Love - Padma Viswanathan

A writer digs into the strange, complicated story of a man she befriended in a marina.

🏳️‍🌈 secondary character (gay), Indo-Canadian author, 🇨🇦

warning: domestic and child abuse

My Roommate is a Vampire - Jenna Levine

There’s a room-to-rent in Cassie’s low, low budget. The (hot) guy renting it acts like he’s from the 1800s. Surely he’s just quirky.

🏳️‍🌈 secondary characters (gay)

Music from the Earliest Notations to the Sixteenth Century - Richard Taruskin

A history of early written European music, in its social and political contexts.

Stats

Monthly total: 13 Yearly total: 100/140 Queer books: 3 Authors of colour: 0 Books by women: 5 Authors outside the binary: 0 Canadian authors: 0 Off the TBR shelves: 5 Books hauled: 6 ARCs acquired: 12 ARCs unhauled: 4 DNFs: 0

January February March April May June July August

#books #booklr #bookblr #rec lists #read in 2023 #reading wrap-ups #my photos #stacks of books

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random-obsseser · 11 days

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So i got pizza tower, and i eventually got to the Noise battle with no problems, but i have a MAJOR issue. Why does Noise do a twerky butt in the game? Did he really have to bust it down like that? His ass may be fat, but the disrespect to Peppino is immaculate on so many levels. Peppino Spaghetti doesn't want to see the Noise shaking his booty cheeks, they are currently engaging in a physical battle. Peppino is literally fighting for his life and Goise decides to bounce that ass mid battle. This is why he lost. This is why Peppino got the Prank. Because he bounced his fat ass cheeks. Couldn't he save it for later? In that moment, did he really have to twerk? I'm sure the audience didn't wanna see that, so why did he do it anyway? Why did he bust down his booty? This really hurts my fragile heterosexuality, as i am immediately put into a state of shock and red-faceness whenever he pops his booty. His bum bum also grows? That isn't possible at all scientifically, his buttocks seem to expand as he does the animation and it really makes me angry because whenever I try to beat him, he claps his ass and then i get sent into the panic and then he kills me, causing me to have to start the battle all over again. I am not gay, by the way. It's just that his ass is REALLY big. I really hope this animation is just a glitch, and they didnt actually take the time to animate the noise booty popping. The other boss fights didn't have this problem, and I am very concerned for the younger audience playing this game, as they might be exposed to the noises huge ass. Other than that, pizza tower is an amazing game, but until this animation is removed, I'm going to have to give it 11/10.

this clearly aint the real kris yall

he woulda given it an 1000/10 because of this /hj

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mushed-kid · 1 year

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saw a tiktok and wanted to this myself, so…

my mighty med/lab rats/elite force lgbt+ headcanons

(including all the roles i wanted to add, not just the mains)

Kaz:

- Bisexual, very open and casual about it, (Often refers to himself as gay because it comes naturally and the difference isn’t that important to him)

- Cis guy, but he also doesn’t care that much (as in he would wear a skirt or dress, he just doesn’t)

- Doesn’t come out, he just lets people figure it out (“If you don’t know I’m gay yet, that’s on you”)

- Not afraid of getting into yelling matches or fights with homophobes for himself or his friends

Oliver:

- Trans ftm (come on, you guys also watched Oliver Hatches The Eggs, right? They were trying to send us a message!)

- His mom had refused to believe him at first, but when he didn’t stop claiming he was a boy no matter how many specialists and doctors she brought him to, she just accepted it

- She went full ‘you’re a boy’ mode, and he wasn’t allowed to do anything she considered slightly girly at all, (he was just glad she didn’t hate him, but now he’s very afraid of seeming feminine because he thinks people won’t see him as a guy anymore)

- Sits the Elite Force down to come out, but he works himself up about it and is so filled with nerves that he starts crying (the others panic thinking something is seriously wrong)

- Kaz is the only one that knew from before because they’re best friends

- Bonds with Chase about being trans

- Gay with comphet (because of his mother making him believe that was his only choice)

- Because of that, he hasn’t come out as gay (because he doesn’t know he’s gay yet), and sometimes he comes off as slightly homophobic (also due to the fact that he has very fragile masculinity and thinks guys can’t be feminine)

- The others get mad at him, but he doesn’t mean anything bad, his mom just kinda sucked (and it’s hard to shake some of the things she’s told him)

- Very afraid of homophobic and transphobic people, which is why he takes so long to come out to his friends

Skylar:

- Bisexual with a preference for women or lesbian with comphet

- I like her and Oliver so I hc her as ‘Doesn’t really care because it’s not a thing on Caldera’

- Cis girl

Alan:

- Cishet

- Idk what more to say about him

Gus:

- Gender fluid

- Pan maybe? I imagine him swinging every way because he really doesn’t care about gender

Horace:

- Cishet

- Supportive, but very confused about everything (he always uses the wrong labels when talking about someone)

Jordan:

- Cis

- Aromantic (She thinks it’s gross)

Stephanie:

- Cishet (Though she does kind off have a weird thing for Gus so I’m not so sure)

- Will hang out with gay people just because they’re gay so she can seem like a good person

Tecton & Megahertz:

- They’re gay and dating (I think this ship is kinda funny so… it’s canon)

- They’re both cis

Captain Atomic:

- Cishet

- Slightly homophobic

- Also very misogynistic

Chase:

- Trans ftm (the constant joking about his height and how girly he is in lab rats? A Sign.)

- Came out when he was very young, he always knew

- Raised in a basement so you’d think he didn’t know about transphobia for a very long time, but he did, (Mr.Davenport talked to him about it and he researched it thoroughly)

- Bisexual

- Tries to avoid homophobic and transphobic people, and just ignores them, but it doesn’t always work. Sometimes he’ll just take it because he doesn’t want to fight, and it makes the other worry about him a lot

- Other times, Spike comes out and he goes crazy on them, and people leave him alone for a while after that

Bree:

- Lesbian with comp het (she thought she was straight because that’s all she knew, and then she thought she was bi because she liked girls, but then she realized she didn’t like guys)

- Cis girl

- Will verbally kill a homophobe

Adam:

- Everyone assumes he’s straight, because he never came out as anything else (he just doesn’t really care about coming out at all)

- He mentions something about a guy he likes/dated back in high school and everyone is super shocked

- “I thought you guys knew”, - “We thought you were straight!?” - “I never said that either” - “fair enough”

- Cis guy

- He’s not transphobic, and only makes those jokes about chase because he genuinely forgets chase wasn’t born a boy. (Chase thinks that makes him his biggest supporter even if the jokes sting)

- Will beat up anyone that says or does anything mean to his siblings about it

Leo:

- Straight

- He/They (idk if that counts as non binary?)

- Would start fights with homophobes and then realize he’s fucked and needs help

- Got bullied for being gay even if he isn’t, definitely came home after being picked on and trying to hide his injuries from tasha (who notices and calls the school right away)

- Will still start fights with homophobes, now knowing that he can take them

Marcus:

- He’s an android so technically not cis, but he’s a guy (he fucking hates it/its pronouns because he’s not just a machine)

- Aromantic & Asexual (he’s very indifferent to both relationships and sex)

- Doesn’t really do relationships, but if he did, it would be more like his partner in crime (real crime not pranks)

- If he did get an evil sidekick of sorts, he’d probably be gay

- Will claim to have any gender of sexuality if it’ll help him out of anything, no matter how small

- Will also accuse anyone of being homophobic if it helps him in any way (Douglas hates both of these)

- Outing someone is the one thing that he doesn’t do (Douglas is so proud of that one)

- Will start a fight with anyone at any time, and realizes beating someone up for being homophobic won’t get him in trouble sends him on a mission to find every bully at school

- He claims it’s just because he won’t get in trouble, but Douglas knows that deep down he cares (because he does get in trouble at school, just not at home)

Donald:

- I want to say cishet, but trans ftm is calling my name from afar

- Straight and borderline homophobic (he supports the people he knows and cares about, but in itself he thinks homosexuality is wrong)

- Will use his kids sexualities to look even better in media, with no regards for what they feel about it (They hate it)

- Outs people, but also tells his kids he’s proud of them no matter what and supports them, so they’re not very sure what he really thinks

- He’s just weird about it

- Will pretend he didn’t hear the homophobic or transphobic comment toward his kids if it means avoiding a conflict

Tasha:

- Cishet

- Very supportive of everyone

- Calls out homophobes and tries to inform everyone she knows about how important it is to be an ally

- Starts a group with some other moms to show support (the others think it’s a bit much, but she’s just being nice so they let her)

Douglas:

- Bisexual, but evil about it

- Strictly dated other bad guys/villains that he worked with, so most of his relationships sucked and ended badly (see; Krane and Giselle)

- Trans ftm

- Has a lot of kids, but honestly doesn’t know who any of their dads are

- I want Adam, Bree, and Chase to have the same dad, but I also kinda wanna say Adam has a different one, and that Bree and Chase are twins

- Daniel has another dad again, and Douglas realized he couldn’t raise the kid alone, so he had him adopted to keep him safe

- Will piss off a transphobe and run away from the fight

Perry:

- She/They

- Will rip a homophobe to pieces without breaking a sweat (she also knows a guy, so getting rid of any evidence is easy)

…..

and that’s everyone i could think of!

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growtiredofpublicvulnerability · 5 months

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WATCHING FELLOW TRAVELERS…

stories about gay people pre 90s always overwhelm me 🥲 the normal heart??? granted i was very … we’ll call it fragile. at the time. like indescribably so but I had a panic attack of All Time at the end of that movie. Matt bomer you are NOT gonna get me again!!! I should vacuum.

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gaypornvideoswebsite · 1 year

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happy saturday gays. here’s an afternoon coffee read titled The Devil in Gay, Inc. by Jim D’Entremont. this piece was originally published in 2012, and underpins the inherent fragility of so called gay rights, hate crime legislation, and the necessary reminder of who the justice system works for. the piece discusses sex panic around children, the nuclear family, and state-level queer sanitation. spring is here, snow is melting, and so too is our place within the system cyclical. tomorrow we must invent a new calendar

#this piece is also featured in the against equality anthology

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tobiasdrake · 6 months

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Before we continue, Desuhiko has a new Hangout to attend as well.

YES. FINALLY, I got to eat at the hotel's diner. Only took several murders to get here.

Wouldn't have thought Desuhiko would be my ticket to diner food but here we are.

REALLY, DESUHIKO?

I can't escape it. Even in the Hangouts that are supposed to be about Desuhiko, he's still only interested in shilling the game's main ship. I'm pretty sure Desuhiko has had more lines of dialogue about Yuma/Kurumi shipping than Yuma and Kurumi have.

Which, to be fair, isn't hard since most of Yuma and Kurumi's shipping moments have consisted of awkward pauses and blushing at each other.

You know what I would like more than a Gumshoe Gab with Desuhiko about how Yuma's totally feeling feelings oh so very much for Kurumi? A set of five Gabs for Kurumi where they get to be sweet and romantic together. But we can't have that, because then Kodaka would have to write romance instead of regurgitating the same lazy pining cliches that everyone uses to talk around their own subplot.

Writers give so few fucks about their obligatory love interests that they'd rather give us an intimate private conversation with Desuhiko about Kurumi than an intimate private conversation with Kurumi.

This is why all of the most popular ships are gay. That's what audiences take away when characters only get to express themselves on a personal level with their same-sex besties. Frodo and Samwise are the ship because nobody gives a shit about Rosie Cotton. Why would they?

Sorry. I aggressively hate the Stock Romance Tropes and it's triggering for me. What were we talking about?

We're supposed to be like "LOL That delusional Desuhiko" but it's not like Yuma and Kurumi's relationship has had much more development than that.

We talked about this before with Desuhiko's aspirations to be a star. He has low self-esteem and is more interested in the validation of having people adore him than he is in cultivating an artistic talent.

His skirt-chasing is very much the same. He's not chasing skirts, so much as he's chasing the optics of masculinity. He doesn't have a type because it's not about the women; It's about the image he projects, but to others and to himself.

That's why he was so inexplicably well-behaved at Aetheria Academy. A "comical pervert" in an all-girls' school is a scenario ripe for raunchy shenanigans, but the worst thing Desuhiko did was get on stage to try and play guitar badly to a captive audience. A lot of "comical pervert" type characters in his position could have taken far more advantage of this scenario, especially from the guise of an authority figure. But he didn't. He was. Chill. About the whole thing.

We violated the girls' privacy more than Desuhiko did.

And despite having the ability, there's no indication he's ever gone back. He's instead resumed his standard practice of accosting random women on the street to go, "Hey baby what kind of man do you like" and then fucking off.

I don't think this is about women. I think it's about Desuhiko, a boy with low self-esteem who craves external validation, trying to feel secure in his fragile masculinity by projecting the image of a Ladies' Man. The larval form of a PUA.

It's 'cause your heart wasn't in it, my dude. Trust me, I've been there. If success with women causes you to have a panic response and want to be anywhere but here, it probably means you don't want to be here.

Could be you're gay. Could be you're ace. Could be your interests in women aren't as universal as you've convinced yourself and you do, in fact, have a type. Could even just be that the surrounding circumstances made you feel uncomfortable.

Desuhiko writes it off as "Oh, I just hate northern accents" and. Sure. Maybe that's it. But it's nonetheless a chink in the armor of his playboy self-image. He had his chance and couldn't bring himself to take it because when push came to shove, he wasn't interested. He only wanted to look like he was.

This is the part that PUAs don't like to talk about. "The Game" doesn't make you happy. You listen to Manosphere bros talk about women for five minutes and you quickly realize that they are miserable. Even when they're successful, they aren't having any fun. They talk about sex in clinical terms, describing it as "inserting a rod of tissue" or calling it "not an especially pleasing activity".

Imagine dedicating your whole life to the pursuit of something you don't even enjoy. Desuhiko had his shot, and he got a taste of how miserable it feels to have your relationship with another human being reduced to Insert Tab A. He may regret it now, but the fact that he freaked out and bailed on that situation rather than grit his teeth and forge his way through means there is hope for him. He may yet avoid a redpill future.

And also, I'd be remiss not to bring this up, but good on him for getting out of that situation. A "stunningly beautiful" woman who's VIP enough for the WDO to provide her with private security, something that is very much Not My Job? Sounds like a grown-ass woman to me. And she was constantly hitting on him, to the point that he regrets "having his chance" and panicking?

Desuhiko is like 14. He doesn't know it but he escaped the clutches of a predator.

#master detective archives: rain code #drake plays rain code #desuhiko thunderbolt

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brandonxdylan · 10 months

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Ranking the GAY EPISODES of Beverly Hills, 90210 - Part 2

(Part 1 here)

#4.) Blind Spot (Season 4, Episode 26)

Car trouble lands Brandon and Steve stranded at a GAY COFFEEHOUSE, where, amidst all of his ridiculous gay panic, Steve clocks Mike, his fraternity president, enjoying a coffee with another guy. Back at the frat house, Mike approaches Steve, assuming that since he was also at the GAY COFFEEHOUSE, he must be gay too. Steve gives Mike the cold shoulder, showing no empathy for him whatsoever, and it’s actually really sad because Mike was so excited to relate to someone else in a similar situation, which I have to imagine would have been a rare opportunity, and I know how vulnerable and embarrassed he would have felt in that moment. Later on, Artie, another frat guy, makes, like, two incredibly dumb gay jokes about Steve, and rather than ignore them, fire back, or do literally anything other than the one thing he shouldn’t do, Steve immediately goes into self-preservation mode and deflects Artie’s homophobic ire towards Mike, the actual gay guy who’s been hiding in plain sight. Mike is understandably pissed when Steve tells him that “it just slipped out,” which isn’t really true. Latently homophobic Steve intentionally threw Mike under the bus to protect his own extremely fragile ego. Even Brandon agrees that Steve is a huge fucking dipshit for this, so you know it’s bad. Anyway, some of the frat brothers paint Mike’s bedroom door pink (such a weird fucking flex, honestly) and Mike threatens to leave the frat to avoid any further humiliation. He doesn’t, of course, because during a tribunal to decide Mike’s fate (insane that this is what it comes to, but the show doesn’t even acknowledge that), Steve saves the day by calling out Mike’s good attributes and blah blah blah, the homophobe becomes the hero. Hooray. Honestly, I kinda wish Mike had just left the frat. Why stay somewhere that is full of assholes who need to have a group fucking meeting discussing your personal life before they permit you to be in their presence? Maybe it’s just me, but I wouldn’t consider being allowed to stay somewhere like that “a win.” But whatever. Mike manages to make some good points, and his gay rage is, appropriately, very justified. I just wish it didn’t have to be tempered at the end. I wish he got to peace out, go find love somewhere better than the damn KEG house, and leave Steve feeling like a piece of shit for fucking up his life. I would have been a hell of a lot more satisfied by that. Though this episode gets bonus points for featuring the GAY COFFEEHOUSE, which is the same coffeehouse used in an iconic double date scene from the stone cold classic, A Very Brady Sequel. More bonus points for some cute Dylan stuff during the photo shoot B story, and in particular, the moment where Dylan checks out and proceeds to compliment Brandon’s boxers. This is the kind of stuff that keeps me going.

#3.) Making Amends/The Nature of Nurture (Season 8, Episodes 23-24)

While working at the free clinic, Kelly finds a baby abandoned by its teen mother (a young Jessica Alba), and though she initially wants to adopt it herself, she relents when she learns that the baby will be placed in a foster-to-adopt situation with a carefully selected couple, as opposed to going back to the mother, whom Kelly has quickly and harshly written off as evil. But things that a major turn when Kelly learns that the foster parents are (gasp!) HOMOS! This sets off her strange and highly problematic crusade to return the baby to the custody of its mother, who does actively want it back now that she too knows her baby is at risk of being raised by a couple of gays. Ultimately, teen mom’s homophobia proves excessive, and causes Kelly to recognize that maybe the baby is better off with loving parents, regardless of their sexuality, than with a homophobic teen mom who only wants it out of spite. Naturally, things wrap up neatly, the baby lands with the gays, and Kelly gets to feel good about doing the right thing despite being the source of a LOT of strife for a LOT of people. There’s also a LOT to think about in this episode, and overall, I think it’s fairly well done aside from some frustrating character stuff. While Kelly – allegedly a social work major - demonstrates next to know understanding of how social services actually work, the writers do. I already wrote a bit about this episode so I won’t get too into it, but suffice it to say it tackles some thorny issues regarding issues of child protection, fostering, and adoption pretty well, and with as much accuracy as I think can be expected from a show like this. What I find most maddening about this episode is that Kelly isn’t granted the opportunity for any substantial self-reflection or personal growth. Her homophobic beliefs are placed in stark contrast to teen mom’s more extreme views, and therefore written off as not that bad. Additionally, the out-of-nowhere explanation that she wanted the baby for herself is positioned as the real reason for her actions, and the fact that the foster parents were gay was just an easy excuse she used to justify her shitty behavior. This doesn’t really track, and I don’t buy it. I think it would have been far more interesting to have this episode tackle the issue of latent homophobia, and explore the nuances involved in addressing that. As it is, Kelly isn’t left accountable for her actions, and that’s a problem for me because that’s really the theme of this episode. It’s not really about the gay parents, it’s about other (straight) people’s feelings about them. I think they could have dug a little deeper to offer a more satisfying character arc for Kelly. It’s not problematic to have latently prejudiced beliefs. It’s human! And dealing with them is something that would have been refreshing to see in an episode that otherwise gets so much right.

#2.) A Mate for Life/Disappearing Act/Pledging My Love (Season 7, Episodes 3-5)

Kelly begins a school placement at a group home for men with AIDS, and befriends Jimmy, a young gay man who is dying of the disease. Jimmy (played by Michael Stoyanov from Blossom) copes with his illness by practicing magic tricks, engaging in some self-deprecating gallows humour, and being generally charming. At one point, Kelly gets some of Jimmy’s blood on her hands, and she panics that she might be now be infected with HIV. Following an anxiety dream in which she gets AIDS rash, Kelly gets tested and though her doctor assures her that she’s probably fine, he does give her a lecture on safe sex, reminding her that HIV isn’t just for gay men - anyone can get it, and sexual intercourse is an easy way to do so. While she’s waiting for her test results, Kelly tells Clare and Donna that she’ll move out of their beach house if she ends up testing positive, and it’s around this point that I began to realize that this is a storyline that is wasted on Kelly. First of all, she’s straight, and though, yes, anyone can contract HIV, it goes without saying that it was gay men who were disproportionately affected by it in the United States at this time. Second of all, she was “contaminated” in such a minor way. These two factors make all of this feel really low stakes. We know that there’s no way in hell Kelly tests positive. I want to be clear that I don’t think that shows like this have any inherent obligation to those who have lived through trauma or illness to deal with these issues in a way that is consistently true to life. That’s a slippery slope because not all lived experience is the same, and what might feel validating and representative to someone might feel offensive to someone else. Plus, it’s also a lot to ask of a TV show, whose primary concern should be to entertain and to compel, not present viewers with a case study on living with AIDS. However, in this case I have to admit that it does feel a little inappropriate to be putting Kelly through the ringer in the most low stakes way possible, and milking that for drama when so many gay men were really going the ringer and the stakes were much higher. Not to minimize the experience of people like Kelly who suffered the worry of a close call, but it feels like the show is really pushing it with what it’s asking us to buy into. Granted, I guess that’s why we have Jimmy - to demonstrate what being a gay man dying of AIDS in the 90s actually could have looked like. And while yes, Jimmy falls squarely into the much-maligned trope of gays who only show up to die for the sake of the straight characters’ growth, he’s probably about as good as we possibly could’ve expected to get at the time, barring the show deciding to suddenly break all kinds of barriers and introduce a main gay character living with AIDS. It was just never gonna happen, and I’m not going to hold that against the show. Unsurprisingly, Kelly tests negative, but Jimmy takes a turn for the worse. Watching him make peace with his fate as Kelly offers some misplaced naivete, desperately suggesting that what he knows to be true might not be, it’s hard not to feel something. When Kelly suggests taking a photo of the two of them, it makes sense that Kelly would want to not only preserve a memento of their friendship, but also to assure Jimmy that he is someone who will be remembered fondly. It’s a touching moment, and the weight of it is effectively conveyed. While I already explained why I think this episode kind of mishandles its subject matter in terms of the AIDS scare stuff, what it gets right is the friendship between Kelly and Jimmy. I think what could’ve made it even better, however, would have been to allow Kelly just a little more time to sit in her open-ended grief, and try to make sense of Jimmy’s death. Some frank acknowledgement of the difficulty involved in doing that might have been an appropriately cathartic cap to this story, and it would have been a uniquely heavy moment for a show that by this point was often pretty superficial.

#1.) I’m Back Because/The Following Options (Season 9, Episodes 8-9)

Steve’s mom comes to town because she’s starring in a much-hyped comeback sitcom. Rumours abound that she’s dating her co-star, and when Steve asks her about them, she neither confirms nor denies, instead opting to remind Steve that it’s no one’s business who she dates. Eventually, however, she admits to Steve that she’s not dating her co-star, nor is she dating any man. She’s actually dating a woman. And okay, this is honestly one of the most unexpected yet awesome choices that this show could have made at this point. In an era of the show full of random retcons and arbitrary character development, the fact that this one comes out of nowhere actually makes sense, considering Samantha had been deeply in the closet prior to this moment, and she’s not someone we see every week. And choosing to give a coming out storyline to a middle aged mother as opposed to some young twentysomething? That’s a bold choice! The crux of the drama here is that Steve (once again) demonstrates some very blatant homophobic feelings about his mother’s sexuality, and slings some pretty nasty remarks her way, going so far as to accuse her of adopting him in order to complete some sort of heterosexual façade for the sake of her image. It’s all pretty embarrassing for Steve, but as with the earlier episode featuring Kelly and the teen mom, there is room to allow these characters to explore their latent homophobia. That would not only offer some compelling drama, but it would be an accurate reflection of reality. And this storyline gets 75% of the way there. They just bungle the ending. Steve only starts to see the light once word of Samantha’s sexuality leaks to the media, and Samantha is fired from her new show amidst the ensuing scandal. Watching his mom go through all of this undue humiliation causes Steve to do an about face, and choose to embrace her for who she is. It’s a cute ending, but man, does it ever skip a lot of steps in terms of Steve’s growth. We don’t get to see Steve do any of the work involved in addressing his homophobia, nor do we get any indication as to what specifically would have spurred his change of heart beyond his mom’s name being dragged through the mud. There’s no suggestion of introspection or vulnerability. There’s not really even an apology. I think if this storyline had had one more episode to really flesh out Steve’s character development, and to offer a heart to heart between mother and son, it could’ve been great. But there are still great things about it. Christine Belford is really good as Samantha (seriously, Samantha is not even a character we get to know very well over the course of the series, yet I practically cheered when she told Steve she was gay, so that’s a testament to her), and for all of Steve’s shitty behaviour towards her, Samantha gets to land a few zingers of her own. And again, I appreciate that the show chose to go this route with this character. Coming out in midlife is a reality for many people, and Samantha’s celebrity adds an interesting dynamic. There are definitely things that could have been improved upon, and it perhaps bites off a little more than it can chew, but its heart is in the right place, and it’s sympathetic without being condescending or othering. And while it’s Samantha’s final appearance on the show (BOO!), we do get to meet her new girlfriend, Karen, in the aforementioned luau episode of season 10, and wow - LESBIAN LEGEND. I sure hope Samantha hung on to her.

Well, there you have it. A thorough(ish) rundown of Beverly Hills, 90210′s major(ish) storylines featuring gay themes. It’s disappointing how short-lived all of these stories were, because most of them would’ve been better served by characters whom we actually get to know outside of their relationships with members of the gang. Still, as I’ve said before, I’m used to accepting scraps when it comes to queer content. And I’m happy to look back at this show and accept that we needed baby steps like this in order to get more and better gay content on television.

I hope everyone has had a safe and happy Pride month!

#i did not fully realize the scope of this undertaking and this whole thing took me a lot longer than i first anticipated #but it was still satisfying to do!#beverly hills 90210 #queer #90s

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briannaswords · 7 months

Text

It hit you like a shotgun shot to the heart

(@the-world-is-a-poem you said to tag you the next time I post anything I wrote so uh here haha. enjoy?)

The first time Zahra realised she loved Dawn

Zahra isn’t nervous that Dawn’s at her house for the first time. No! Not at all. Why would she be nervous? It’s just her stupid old house. She shouldn’t care what Dawn thinks of it. Doesn’t care.

Sure, she spends twenty minutes cleaning her room and the living room….and longer cleaning the dining room and the kitchen but that’s just because she doesn’t want Dawn to think she lives in a pigsty.

Though, Zahra doesn’t think Dawn would judge her, even if she did live in a pigsty. Dawn’s the only person outside of her family who’s been genuinely supportive after the whole…Chris mess. And she barely knows her.

Their friendship feels weird. Weird in a good way but…still weird. Zahra knows how Dawn’s breath evens out when she sleeps, knows exactly how to hold her to get her to sleep, knows how to calm her down after a panic attack, knows intimately about her recurring nightmares. Zahra knows that Dawn’s gay and her parents aren’t supportive of it or her at all, she knows that Dawn plays violin, she knows that Dawn’s sister inspired her to play guitar but she doesn’t know what Dawn’s favourite colour is, her favourite song or even when her birthday is. In some ways, Dawn feels like Zahra’s best friend. Other times, Zahra feels like she barely knows her at all, that this alliance they built up over the Christmas holidays is fragile, dependent on both of them having nightmares and waking up too early in the morning because of them.

Maybe that’s what this is. They’re walking a tightrope between true friends and almost-strangers and this, Zahra cracking her knuckles and shyly inviting Dawn to her house over the weekend, is the cut that will force them to one location.

If Zahra was nervous, this would be why.

But she’s not nervous. Not at all.

She runs to the door when she hears the bell rings. It’s early, early enough that Dad and Jessica haven’t left for the dance studio yet.

“Who’s that?” She yells, from the kitchen. Zahra doesn’t bother to deign her with an answer as she pulls open the door.

“Hi.” Dawn’s wearing a dark green flannel (which Zahra is starting to suspect is her favourite item of clothing because of how often she wore it at camp), a light-green t shirt and baggy jeans.

And Zahra’s not nervous but Dawn must see something on her face because her small smile fades into something concerned. “Is…is it okay that I came this early?”

“Yeah! Yeah, it’s fine. Come in.” Zahra tugs Dawn inside just as Má comes out of the kitchen, wiping her hands on a paper towel. “Má, this is my friend. Dawn.”

“Nice to meet you, Dawn,” Má smiles but Zahra can see the surprise on her face. Zahra rolls her eyes. She hasn’t really mentioned Dawn too much to her mum, just said vaguely that she made a few good friends at camp, because talking about Dawn means talking about school which means thinking about Chris and Zahra never wants to think about him ever again. He takes up enough space in her nightmares. “Where did you two meet?”

“We shared a dorm at camp—“ Zahra starts to say but Jason pushes past her, running like wild animals are chasing him. In reality it’s just one wild animal, Jessica, who’s screaming like a madwoman.

“Jason! Give me back my shoes I’m going to be late!”

“Say sorry for calling me a butthead!”

“No! You are a butthead!”

“Ay dios, guys! Can you stop acting like circus animals for two seconds of your life!” Zahra snaps, grabbing onto Jason’s arm as he tries to sprint around her again.

“Tell Jason that!” Jessica retorts, curls falling in her face. She’s going to have to redo her ponytail—there’s barely any of it left. “He’s the one acting like a butthead!”

“Stop calling me a butthead!”

“Stop acting like a butthead, then!”

“Stop saying butthead!” Zahra yells so, of course, Jason and Jessica turn to her and, at the top of their lungs, yell: “BUTTHEAD!”

“Mechi onu!” Luckily, Má can yell louder. “We have neighbours! It’s too early for this argument. Jason, finish your breakfast. Jessica, get your things, your Dad is waiting.” She pushes Jason towards the kitchen, snatching Jessica’s shoes back as she does so. “Lovely to meet you, Dawn! If you need anything, let me know, okay?” She adds, in her normal, cheerful voice. Zahra will never understand how she fluctuates between Angry Mother and Gracious Hostess so quickly.

“Sorry about the chaos. Sometimes I think my parents adopted Jessica and Jason from a farm,” Zahra says, as they go up the stairs to her room. Dawn laughs, loud and sudden.

“It makes things exciting, though, doesn’t it?”

“If by exciting, you mean ‘headache-inducing’ then, yeah! You’re right!”

Dawn laughs again and Zahra thinks it might just be her new favourite sound.

Dawn stops in the doorway of Zahra’s room. Zahra raises her eyebrows.

“What are you doing?”

“Just…looking.”

Zahra snorts. “Why? It’s just my room. There’s nothing wildly interesting about it.”

“I disagree. You are a very interesting person, Zahra Jiménez,” Dawn smiles. Something stirs in Zahra’s stomach. She ignores it, flopping down on her bed and leaning against the headboard as Dawn slowly traces her shelves.

“You won something?” She asks, pointing at the trophy. “Was it a music thing?”

“Nah it was—uh—dance.” Zahra had forgotten about it, almost hadn’t packed it when they left Aramoor because she’d thrown it into the corner of her small room in a fit of rage when she’d first expressed her desire to stop dance and Pa hadn’t taken it…amazingly. It was the last thing she’d achieved, dance-wise, before she quit and, as a result, it holds some rather bittersweet memories.

“You danced?” Dawn says, eyebrows raised because—right, Zahra hadn’t told her. It’s not a topic she loves talking about.

“Yeah, well. When you’re the daughter of the great Mateo Jiménez, there are some things you can’t escape.” Zahra looks down, picking at the hem of her joggers. “I stopped when I was eleven.”

“That’s when you started playing violin, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Have you ever won anything for that? For music?”

Zahra snorts, then clears her throat. “D’you want to watch a movie? I have Netflix on my laptop.”

Dawn hesitates, an unreadable look in her eye, but it’s gone before Zahra can try and decipher it. She nods, stepping forward but still straying close to the doorway. “Can we watch Pride and Prejudice?”

Zahra rolls her eyes fondly. “You’re obsessed with that movie.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing!”

Zahra shakes her head and reaches for her laptop. Dawn stays where she is, eyes swivelling around the room, never landing in one place for more than a couple of seconds. She looks restless in a way Zahra hasn’t seen since the first days of camp. When Zahra entered the dorm and Dawn’s smile was small and shaky, like she thought Zahra would reject her on principle, like she was worried about Zahra’s reaction, like…like…like….

Like she was nervous.

Dawn’s nervous.

So Zahra pats the space next to her and smiles as softly as she can. “You’re gonna watch it from all the way over there?”

And Dawn returns the smile, clambering next to Zahra on the bed. Halfway into the movie, she leans on Zahra, tentatively, as if Zahra will push her away if she gets too close. Instead, Zahra wraps her arm around Dawn’s shoulders, pulling her closer. She’s engulfed in that same, familiar scent from camp—something earthy and sweet and quintessentially Dawn.

She likes it.

And, afterwards, when the film ends and they spend half an hour bickering about what they’re going to watch next, all Zahra can think about is how she hasn’t felt this comfortable since…Aramoor. She can’t help but think about how natural this feels, when they go down to the kitchen and Zahra heats up the first thing she can find in the fridge for Dawn, when Dawn insists that Zahra eat too, when they go back up to Zahra’s room and sit cross-legged across each other on the floor. When Dawn smiles up at her, Zahra feels something warm burst in her chest because…the tightrope is gone. It snapped somewhere between Zahra inviting Dawn in and seeing her laugh at Jessica and Jason’s antics and asking so gently about the trophy, saying ‘you won something?’ but meaning ‘I want to know you, please dear god let me know you’ and Zahra being able to read Dawn’s eyes well enough to know the words she’s not saying and holding each other while Mr Darcy confessed his love for Elizabeth Bennett and ribbing each other for their taste in movies and now, sitting on Zahra’s bedroom floor eating leftover mac and cheese.

In the silence, Zahra feels it, that quiet certainty. They’re friends now. Proper friends.

It feels good.

She smiles back at Dawn. She says nothing but her eyes shine with all the words she wants to say: thank you for coming and I want you to come again if anything so I can give you a better lunch than yesterday’s dinner and I want to know you too and I hope we keep getting closer.

I love you. Please, dear god, let me love you.

#I was proud of it so here it is #otp: I never knew I could feel this much #oc: zahra #oc: dawn #bri writes #(haven't done that in a while lol)#title from getaway car by the legend herself t swift

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