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#I AM ACTUALLY CRYING A FUCKING RIVER FOR THIS YOU CAN'T BE FOR REAL
koumeowkami · 1 year
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cressthebest · 2 months
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Crimson Rivers thoughts pt. 6
chapter 10:
1. “The first thing Regulus notices is the sun.” jesus christ, first line of the chapter. of course he notices the sun first. of course.
2. oh shit, it’s the crimson river. shit. fuck. damn. i didn’t expect to get the fic title so early on. holy shit
3. holy shit. this. this is like the inferi. i just. wow. i- oh shit
4. EVAN fuck yeah!! lets go
5. if i wasn’t 100% positive that james would survive, then i’d say his generosity would be the death of him. but vanity is gonna be the rue of crimson rivers, isn’t she?
6. PETER!!!! shit. i love him. he’s gonna have to die too, isn’t he? if it’s not already known to y’all, peter is one of my favorite marauders
7. “”Don't pretend you can't climb; I've seen James, he's taller, and you're not going to tell me you're not climbing him, are you?"” PFFFT OMG EVAN BABES, NO HESITATION TO SAY WHAT YOU MEAN, HUH?
8. reg thinking that evan is mental is so real. babes, he’d love your bestie. of course he’s mental. of course you two get along
9. “lover boy” “poor lamb” evans nicknames for reg >>>>>>>>>>>
10. 😟 they’re gonna propel themselves across the blood river with a VINE??? bitch, they ain’t gonna survive this
11. damn reg made it across. i know i shouldn’t be surprised but damn
12. :/ none of the death eaters having died yet is gonna be an issue, isn’t it?
13. reg has his daggers. i swear that this is gonna turn james on at some ridiculous point
14. reg grabs a hatchet for james 🥰🥰
15. 😧 EVAN BABY NO RUN
16. 😒 i read the authors notes and found out the game makers broke the branch. they can suck my metaphorical dick
chapter 11:
1. the huge list of warnings at the start of every chapter takes me out. cause i know this fic is deep and dark- yet seeing all those surprise me 😭😭😭
2. awww, vanity is marlene’s district. marlene has been knew that vanity was gonna die. all these babies in here.
3. i wanna know the five who died and make sure evan is not one of them. and i want vanity to make it through the night. i want all of them to live. i’m too soft for this fic
4. 😧 the river froze over. shit no wait shit no
5. oh wait. i knew it meant the death eaters could get across, but i forgot it meant that reg could also bolt out 😭😭 i don’t think things through
6. 😟 reg made his first kill. (and hopefully his last and he’s gonna leave the arena with no trauma 🥰✨☺️)
7. they sounded the trumpets and announced those who died. i am not okay. i am in fact crying
8. “[Sirius] never did really catch his breath after that, and he doesn't think he's breathed the same since.” i- god. these children. poor poor children
9. i like canon slughorn, but do not like crimson rivers slughorn. why the fuck did he design this arena?? fuck him
10. god, sirius, please don’t get caught back up in your drinking habits
11. good for remus standing up for himself to sirius about his drinking habits. remus my beloved
12. 😳 remus that’s a little horny of you
13. remus and sirius would kill for one another. james and reg would die for one another. i’m calling that theme right now.
14. “”Oh, and when I said I wanted to murder for you, you looked like you wanted to eat me, and then you weren't even ashamed of responding like that. Actually, you scolded me, like I should have known that would rile you up instead of frighten you.”” jesus, the two of them are so fucking horny for each other.
15. god, i love the ways regulus has subtly showed he’s cared about sirius in the deepest ways
16. awwww sirius and remus are hugging. they deserve a moment of peace
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thegodcomplcx · 4 months
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Literally so true about the “fun little limbo” of 11/amy! the way there is this weird cognitive dissonance in fandom where on the one hand people moan about the love triangle and how unlikeable Amy was by cheating on Rory etc. yet simultaneously it’s sacrilege to think 11/amy is valid on account of the adultery. people are driven by purity politics rather than engaging with the text ergo we must go with the party line that Amy only ever loves Rory because it “redeems” her (boo hiss) whereas the alternative is immoral. (I’d be willing to bet this was a real note from the network/execs once Amy got married - “no more infidelity because it makes your female lead unlikeable”. the subtext is still there but they almost certainly had to tone it down).
On this point, you’re right we never see Amy *getting over* the doctor — on her wedding day she STILL wants to make out with him and interrupts the party to remember him back into existence. this was portrayed as more significant than her actual wedding! (in both the Big Bang and TWORS she can’t remember Rory when he’s in front of her, but she remembers the doctor when he’s not even there.) Yet 2 episodes later when Rory thinks her love declaration is for the doctor she’s like “what, him??!!” As though this is a ridiculous idea when it’s literally based on *all her previous behaviour*!
I think the fandom denial of 11amy is also based on the fact that the writers were too subtle about 11’s feelings apparently. we are supposed to think he plausibly reciprocates river’s love when he is nonsensically cruel towards her and straight up says he doesn’t want to marry her, yet it’s somehow ridiculous to think he may have feelings for Amy based on his behaviour of trusting her completely, placing her opinion of him above all else, acting generally insane/fixated, etc. also, from a storytelling perspective the triangle holds no weight if the doctor is indifferent! it’s established from the beginning that Amy must choose between him and Rory, and at the end 11 begs her to choose him but by then it’s too late. The entire tragedy of this and 11’s behaviour makes no sense if he doesn’t reciprocate; it is SUPPOSED to be a doomed love story!! Anyway thank you for indulging my asks, i am insane about them.
this is why this rewatch has been so fun for me, because i wasn't sure if my hazy memories from a decade ago were an accurate depiction of what happened in the show or if i was clouded by 11/amy nostalgia and like. they're actually just like that. 11/amy had so much more of a complicated and multifaceted relationship than people usually talk about. they want the whole 11amyrory dynamic to be so simple and easy to digest but it's just not!
in my eyes the infidelity makes amy MORE of a likeable character and they should have leaned HARDER into it
the amyrory wedding was so not about rory at all. we don't see the ceremony, we literally only see amy crying and bringing the doctor back into existence. the amyrory wedding is literally an 11amy reaffirmation. amy made a public declaration of love on that day and it was not for rory lmao.
and the whole s6e2 "it's not him, it's you" speech is so fucking about the doctor its insane. they literally made an episode about how the doctor thinks it ought to be rory (s7e1). and the reason why they even had to do a divorce plot between them is that the only thing interesting about amyrory is amy's conflicting desire. the love triangle is literally all they have. they are at their best with "the core of our relationship is i love you more than you love me" (and amy's whole i can't give you children i gave you up is sickening btw)
and i literally cant speak on 11river anymore. literally my madonna-whore complex post that's all i have to say about the matter for the rest of time.
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howlingday · 1 year
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real sorry about the gamut I’m asking lately, but I am burstin. Can you do a post-Mario SuperMarioLogan parody please?
I think I can, yes. And no worries on your asks. Ask asmuch as you'd like!
---------------------------------------------------
Yang: Ruby! Time for class!
Ruby: Okay, I'm just gonna finish eating my breakfast.
Yang: Ruby, you're not going to eat chocolate chips for breakfast.
Ruby: Well, I'm 18, and I'm going to do it anyways!
Yang: Ruby: You're 18 and attending Signal. Now eat your cat food!
Blake: Yang, don't make her eat cat food.
Ruby: It's fine, Blake! I like shrimp and biscuits!
Yang: See? She likes it.
..................................................................................
Ozpin: Good morning, Miss Xiao Long. I just came by to let you know that I sold your mortgage to the White Fang.
Adam: 'Sup.
Yang: YOU SOLD MY MORTGAGE?!
Ozpin: Indeed I did!
Adam: Do you know why I wear this mask? It's because I missed my mortgage payment, so I burned out my eyes myself to teach myself a lesson!
Ozpin: Excellent. I'll just leave you to talk.
Adam: So where's my money?
Yang: I... don't... have it?
Adam: Well, you better get it, or else I'm going to mucho gracias your tits!
Yang: ...
Adam: This is a nice house. Have a nice day.
Yang: W-What does that mean?!
Ruby: It means he's going to a lot thank you your tits.
..................................................................................
Goodwitch: You have cancer.
Yang: Is it bad?!
Goodwitch: No, it's actually the good kind of lung cancer.
Yang: R-Really?
Goodwitch: No, it's bad. It's cancer. It's always bad.
Yang: What can I do?
Goodwitch: Well, there is treatment, but it's hundreds of thousands of lien, and I know you can't afford that.
Yang: W-Well, what can you do for me?!
Goodwitch: Well, I can give these tissues so you can cry me a river. And since it's you, I'll also give you this hammer so you can build a bridge and get over it.
Blake: (Sobbing) Yang, what are going to do?!
Yang: Well, I'm the one with the cancer and the mortgage, so I think I'm the one who should be crying.
Blake: Oh, right.
Ruby: Don't worry, Yang! You can't be denied medical care, so just let your medical bills go to collections while you worry about your mortgage payments.
..................................................................................
Ruby: Okay, Yang, I got the snitch knocked out and tied up! What should we do?
Yang: What we always do to snitches.
Ruby: Okay! (Drags them away)
Blake: Yang! You're not cooking Dust are you?
Yang: No, no! It's, uh, rock salt! Old Xiao Long recipe and all that!
Blake: Okay, good.
Ruby: (Comes back) Yang, I got the fucker's head!
Blake: (Screams)
Yang: TIE THE BITCH UP!
..................................................................................
Pyrrha: I can't believe Dust is illegal.
Nora: I know, right?! So lame!
Ren: I would pay anything for just one chunk.
Jaune: I've never used Dust so I don't really care one way or the other.
Ruby: Hey, guys, want some Dust?
Jaune: OH FUCK YEAH! GIMME THAT SHIT!
Ruby: You guys are my friends, so I'll give you half the bag for forty lien.
Nora: Sold!
Goodwitch: Hello, class, I'm back from taking a- HOLY SHIT!
Goodwitch: Why do you all have Dust?!
Pyrrha: Jaune bought it for all of us!
Goodwitch: And where did you get it, Jaune?
Jaune: I AIN'T SQUEALIN ON MY HOMIES!
Goodwitch: Fine! Then I'll have to escort you to detention!
Jaune: FUCK YOU, PIG! I'LL USE MY ONE PHONE CALL TO CALL YOUR MOM!
..................................................................................
Blake: (Tied up, Locked away) HELP! HELP!
Goodwitch: (Opens the door) Good gravy!
Yang: TH-THIS ISN'T WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!
Goodwitch: Look, whatever weird and kinky shit you do is your business, not mine. So I don't want to see it.
Blake: WHAT?! NO, NO, NO! SHE TIED ME UP AND BANGED ME IN THE HEAD!
Goodwitch: I-I don't need to know where she banged. (Shuts door)
..................................................................................
Goodwitch: God damn, did you see that shit?! He fell off the cliff and drowned! Thst was way better than arresting him!
Yang: But... But he had story potential.
Goodwitch: Yeah? So do you. Fuck him.
Yang: Huh. Guess I never thought of it that way.
Goodwitch: Oh, and by the way, I took another look at your X-ray, and it turns out you don't have cancer. That was just my thumb pressed against the screen. So yeah, no cancer. (Leaves)
Ruby: Yang! I sold all the Dust! We now have 4.2 million lien!
Yang: That's great, but we don't have to sell Dust anymore. Our mortgage payment issue is gone.
Ruby: Oh... Well, wanna hit the arcade?
Yang: Yeah, I do!
Blake: ...Yang? ...Ruby? ...Anyone? GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS CLOSET!
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besidesitstoowarm · 7 months
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"Forest of the Dead" thoughts
i think this is my favorite davies-era moffat story. i mean, "blink" is iconic and tightly constructed, and "empty child/doctor dances" has a phenomenal backbone, but nothing can really compete with professor river song. sorry
we open with what my boyfriend called "runescape ass music" and donna wakes up in a dream world where she meets a husband and has two kids. it's all very nice and she seems quite happy. river says the doctor is "the only story you'll ever tell, if you survive him" which i think is a reasonable judgment. he wants to know how he's supposed to trust her and she whispers something in his ear and he agrees to trust her
donna gets a weird letter from the demon from "insidious" that basically says this world is a lie. the doctor is able to talk to mr hey who turned out the lights by using the neural relay in his suit and the vashta nerada inform him that this is their home, they were born here. they're found in forests normally and this is their forest, born from a million million books. donna is told by the demon that all the kids in that world are the same and we see that they are. the demon is just miss evangelista copied wrong
river is not so sure about the doctor bc he isn't "her" doctor yet, he's unfinished. they realize the "saved" 4k people were literally saved to the computer hardd rive. he says "i bet i like you" to river and she says "oh, you do" i would actually kill to see more tennant/kingston on screen, they could have amazing chemistry
donna's kids disappear bc they aren't real. i like the quote from miss evangelista where she said she had "the two qualities required to see absolute truth: i am brilliant, and unloved" mamma mia. the doctor beefs w the vashta nerada again "i'm the doctor and you're in the biggest library in the world. look me up"
he decides to filter the hard drive through his own brain to get the ram needed to bring everyone back but river says fuck no that'll kill him so she punches him out, handcuffs him to a post, and wires herself in. he begs her not to "time can be rewritten" and she's crying as she says "not those times. not one line, don't you dare" and it's revealed the word she whispered in his ear was his name. she explodes but it worked and the people are saved
donna tries to find her dream-husband but can't. we see he's real but can't call out to her in time :( the doctor realizes he gave river his sonic in the future bc he found a way to save her and uploads her to the computer where she can be w her dead friends and dream children and alex kingston looks so beautiful in that white gown i want to kill myself
yeah this is straightfowardly a gorgeous story with not a second wasted, an impressive feat for a 2-parter. river is such a good character it's unreal and the vashta nerada are used perfectly, explored just as much as necessary while also being mostly background drama/catalyst for the doctor/river situation. i assume it must have been known at this point that moffat would be taking over for davies, right? obviously he knew it would be his last season and i can't imagine river being introduced as anything except a teaser. but not too much cause it'd be spoilers ;)
god i fucking love this story. i've never heard a bad word about it, we all love it. and next up, the donna relaxes peacefully while the doctor has the worst day of his life
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cookiecomics · 14 days
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(warning from future me: this is very long, soz)
heyy!! i'm about to start another reread of atott but although im trying to get better at this, im bad at leaving comments (i get too invested in the action & dont mark down my thoughts... so when i get to the comment part i don't remember all or anything i wanted to talk abt + i'm ruminating on what just happened. that's true for the updates i've been following and doubly so for binge-reading sessions) so i just wanted to say some things directly to you, right now, before i forget - i adore the colosseum to this day. i was invested from moment one and the way you described everything was so impactful. to this day i also remember the way ren was panicked & aiming to return home despite his concussion, it felt very visceral and real. also the entirety heresy ring, akechi finding out he was in the fraud ring (this cracked me up iirc. that boy read you akechi), the toy grandma wanted to give ren & akechi managed to get to him (and ren/arsene crying bc of it....), the river, the hanged man game.... gods, you captivated me so much even within those first chapters.
another moment that is very present in my memory is the whole section where ren is in shido's palace, hiding from akechi w/o knowing it's him, finding out he was the "birdman" and then the aftermath, akechi's high fever, the way ren did his best to take care of him, how he told him he'd do the hit on the principal for him. it was all so good!! like i found ur fics from the accomplice tag iirc so i wasn't surprised when it happened, but it was all so exciting still! my memory sucks so i can't even paraphrase what ren told akechi before leaving to do it, but i do remember how akechi was still convinced (and kinda hoped) ren wouldn't actually get involved & he'd just end up dead. then ren came back, with new glasses to boot! lol
ohh also that moment where ren crossdressed and akechi was definitely attracted but ofc he can't Say It so he just critiques his makeup capabilities instead....... i was like. of course. of couse you would.
and i found atott shortly after finding out i'm arospec despite being very interested in making fictional characters kiss & romantic scenes in general, so it was very interesting to read akechi believe he was aromantic & have to deal with Actually Having Romantic Feelings Fuck This lmaoooo tho tbf i'd actually react similarly if i found out i was demisexual instead of completely ace like i think i am, so i also identified with it in that sense, since i've know about that part of my identity much longer than being arospec lol
ah. this is very long but i have more i want to say... so im gonna keep talking lol. ren realizing he was cluster-b helped me realize & come to terms with my low empathy. i remember when first reading akechi suggest ren get himself checked for sociopathy i was a bit skeptical bc i worried it'd be just edgy stuff, but i'd been trusting your writing & decisions so i decided to be optimistic & i rlly liked how you handled it, and, again, it helped me come to terms with the parts of me that also wouldn't be seen favourably by some of these ppl who insist they're mental health advocates lol
also, i rlly like akesumi so when sumi realized he was munin i was giddy. her own smile about it made me happy too.... oh this makes me remember the scene of futaba finding out ren is her online friend too gods such good scenes!!!! and finding the palace keywords. which made me remember the bad ending chapter in maruki's reality which i only managed to read on my 3rd read of the fic & then was immediately invested into too.....
anyway, what i want to say is, thank you so much for writing atott. it is almost constantly running through the like, background of my thoughts, and the story has been very important & dear to me. i hope you know it is genuinely engraved within me at this point. i love it so much. ♡
GOSH what a beautiful thing to come back to ;3; thank you so so much for your kind words and for trusting me as well dsfkjhsdfjk as someone who is cluster b AND on the a-spec merrygoround, I'm glad my handling of the topics have been great for you ;3; thank you for telling me all that you love about the fic ;3; hoping to get an update soon for Goro's birthday <3
Again, any and all love for Ren's palace makes me giddy since it is by far the aspect of the fic that took the longest to plan ;3; and there's no such thing as "too long" comments or asks for me by the way please know this is very sweet to read, i hope you have a great day! and look forward to people having a hashtagbadtime next chapter sdkjfhjkf
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twst-drabbles · 1 year
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In terms of the whole 'Who'd be your buddy?' question I would have to say: Ortho. He's a cool robo boy that's an absolute sweetheart! How can you not wanna be buddies with him! Especially since at times he's like. More competent than majority of the students. Epel probably is someone else I'd be inclined to befriend as a fellow feisty shortie who'll sneak him snacks when Vil isn't around. Fight on Epel, let your country rage loose!
But in terms of who I'll feel inclined to throw hands with, hooo boy. I feel like I won't be able to help being snarky back at Leona at times, especially in a real life context with no convenient knowledge of his emotional BG. "'Oh woe is me, a member of the 1%!' Cry me a river, freeloader!" Yeah, I'll be hoping I get nice flowers for my funeral.
If I don't die first by trying to pick a fight with a certain octopus mob boss. His 'benevolence' words that clearly are fake would just grind my gears. Unlike Leona, learning Azul's BG would make me wanna punch him more since I relate to being bullied before, especially at times for not being skinny. And would call out his hypocrisy for being as bad as his bullies a h a h a he's lucky he's pretty.
Ah Ortho, adorable as he is, because of how much he loves his brother and how fiercely he defends him, I wouldn't mind being around him, but I'd certainly avoid topics that involve his brother as I would want nothing to do with him. Don't want my ass blasted because I complained about his brother. Even though I say nothing but the truth. Sorry man, I can't hang out with a dude that sneers at me when I don't pick up the basics in a video game right away.
Let Epel be proud of his home town! Of his family! Of his heritage!
Also yeah, same on that front with Leona. Buddy, you can lament all you want about not being King, you're still mega fucking rich. You will succeed in anything else. You are set. You say you have expectations to meet and yet, here you are, not bothering with any of that. If you become king, motherfucker you'd be trapped. You have any fucking clue how little time you have to yourself, let alone sleep and nap? Leona, you're already moaning about how suffocated with the title of the second prince, you'd think you'd feel any better as king??? You wouldn't! You'd be miserable!
I often think about all those scenarios, where people write where what if Leona was king instead. Where he'd be a good and just king and happy where he is. I am of the believe that that's bullshit. He would not be happy. He would be the same bitter angry man, without the ability to sleep it off. I bet all my money that he'd overblot sooner because of the expectations placed upon him as king. And I wouldn't be shocked if that event actually took people's lives. I honestly don't see where people get that Leona being king would make him happy. It wouldn't. He doesn't to be king because of the position itself, he wants to be respect as a person of the royal family and not be treated as a spare. Someone that equal to his brother rather than below him. Being king isn't truly what he wants. But Leona isn't going to admit that.
Exactlyyyyyy Azul is a hypocrite and that's why I love to bully him in my stories! He's such a loser that he had to adopt the ruthlessness of his bullies to feel better about himself.
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Text
FINAL PART EXPLAINING MY REACTION TO S2 EP8 BECAUSE AHHH
Okay i have been writing all my feelings down on a piece of paper whilst watching this episode because last episode's reaction was REALLY weird so i wanted to be organised and have all my reactions available to write here, and so I have been just copy and pasting all what I wrote into these posts
....I can't do this on this post as most of my writing has been "AHHHHHHHHH" and many excited scribbles but I shall try to make it coherent and true to my original intention
I shall now, begin now the warning has been stated, ahem
"COTTON CANDY HAIRED GODDESS"?!?!? "PURSUIT OF LOVE"?!?!? FUCK YEAH WE GET GAY CANON AHHHHHHHH
Hooty is actually so funny, he is great in this episode
Luz is so me trying to deal with my feelings, iconic
...Hooty this sounds weird why the basement
DID YOU KIDNAP AMITY?!?!
...........................................
AMITY WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU WANT TO FORGET IT ALL?! BROOOOOO
AHH THE BLUSHING THE HOLDING, fuck this is so gay.....i'm not crying, you are
Hooty, in the nicest way possible, where the fuck did you find all this stuff IN SUCH A SHORT TIME?? Does Eda just have this set up 24/7!?!
Hooty the fucking Romance Swan in the Tunnel of Love, for fucks sake I can't stop laughing
AHHHHHHH (many excited scribbles) JUST LET IT HAPPEN LUZ
NOOO AMITY DON'T BE SAD THAT ISN'T WHAT LUZ MEANSSSSS
(this is all wrote in bigger handwriting)
LUZ FOR FUCKS SAKE
DON'T LEAVE AMITY IT IS NOT STUPID LUZ SJFOLNF (more excited scribbles)
HOOTY?!?!?!
Hooty is such an overdramatic mood, where are you going bro, you are the house
Oh fuck the house is falling- AWW King and Eda in the air, would be a cute moment IF HOOTY WASN'T BREAKING THE HOUSE
KING MAGIC?! AGAIN?! Woah, that is actually so cool, is it a power of friendship type thing? idk and any other time I would LOVE to find this out about King BUT RIGHT NOW I NEED MY WLW
"Not as okay as you, Dang girl!" Literally my reaction to Eda too, me and Luz are the same
Hooty's tears right now could legit cry a river, there cannot be a drought right now because of hooty
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HOOTY YOU ARE BREAKING THE ROMANTIC MOOD
Aww supportive Mum Eda to Luz's gay panic
ITS HAPPENING?!?!!!!!!
"I have no idea what my future holds but it would be so cool if you were in it" SIHDFNDSJ (more excited scribbles)
AMITY ASKED?!??!?! FUCK YEAHHH
AND NOW THEY ARE HOLDING HANDS GODDDDD AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Hooty is still crying but its now positively so that's great, i was so close to crying too Hooty, I get you
AWWWWWWWWWWW HISTORY DATE!?!? FUCKKK
KING MAGIC CONTROL, HELL YEAH PROUD OF YOU DUDE
KING'S DAD?!?!! HOOTY FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!!!
...And this concludes my written reaction to this episode, I will probably post a more coherent reaction to the episode later but GOD WE WIN THESE
A WIN FOR THE GAYSSSSSSS, I am going to EXPLODE, THE GAY PANIC REPRESENTATION THIS EPISODE IS SO REAL
and what we learned, is that if we ever meet a weird worm demon attached to a house, we should let it create a tunnel of love for us to confesses to our crush with
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aystoria · 1 month
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Crimson Rivers Chapter 67: The Great War
My thoughts below the cut with spoilers
Queue “The Great War” by Taylor Swift
Anyway what does the author mean by HEAVIER than the last chapter???? WE ENDED WITH BARTY BEING DEAD
Okay Remus is a super spy I guess
let him murder!!
Oh SHIT
“acceptance is just evolution” Marlene the wise
"She started the war for me, and she'll end it for me, too." I love them 😭😭
MARLENE IS GOING TO PROPOSE 😭😭
MY JAW JUST FUCKING DROPPED
WHAT THE FUCK
AUDIBLE GASP
SHE WAS GOING TO PROPOSE WHAT THE FUCK
A LANDMINE?? ALL THAT AND SHE DIES TO A LANDMINE???
WHAT THE FUCK
All she cares about is the ring I want to run into traffic
HER FINAL THOUGHT WAS DORCAS JUST LIKE SHE SAID 😭😭
James found Sirius 😭😭
His main mission before slipping away was to get the ring to Dorcas oh I am in shambles
I am heartbroken
PANDORA???
WHAT THE FUCK
WHAT THE FUCK
SHE DESERVES SO MUCH BETTER
ALBUS YOU MOTHERFUCKER DO SOMETHING
ALBUS I SWEAR WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU
FLEAMONT???
FLEAMONT????
MONTY
I AM ACTUALLY SOBBING
EFFIE AND JAMES 😭😭😭😭
RODOLPHUS, NARCISSA AND DRACO, ALECO
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK
OKAY WAIT.
*inhales*
Remus, Dorcas, and Regulus have POVs so HOPEFULLY (hoping with all my heart) these people aren’t actually my loves
Oh you bitch Albus you only stand up when it’s Aberforth (I mean it’s a bit hypocritical because I know Sirius and Regulus would do the same but STILL)
OKAY SEVERUS SNAPE I SEE YOU
SNAPE WITH HIS MIND GAMES
ALL FOR HIS MOTHER !
“Riddle lost the moment those doors burst open and two of Euphemia's someday son-in-laws moved into the room with Dorcas Meadowes one step ahead of them.” SON-IN-LAWS 😭
FLEAMONT NOOOOOOOOOOOOO
MONTY 😭😭😭😭😭
I THOUGHT
YOU WERE SAFEE
😭😭😭😭😭
“"Then you find them. When this is all over, you find them, and you tell them I love them, okay? All of them."” I CAN’T BE CRYING RIGHT NOW
I AM BLUBBERING
MONTY YOU WERE SO GOOD 😭😭😭
“I'll be with all of you every step of the way, and some day in the very distant future, you'll all come see me again, and I'll tell each of you how proud I was the whole time.” THERE ARE TEARS STREAMING DOWN MY FACE RN
THIS IS EMBARRASSING SO PLEASE STOP MONTY
"I'll be there," Fleamont whispers. "I can't wait to see our boys get married. Can't wait to meet our grandchildren. Can't wait to watch you live in a better world. You'll live, honey, and you'll know so much love, because so many people love you. And I love you, wherever I am. I'm sorry you won't be able to see me, but I'll be right there, okay?" MONTY YOU CAN’T SAY THAT TO MEEEEEE
“That's all she gets. Fifty-five seconds, and fifty-five years of living in the world at the same time as him, and then he's gone. He dies there, in her arms, with a smile on his face. That's the last time Euphemia sees him alive, with that smile, but she'll feel Fleamont with her for many years to come.” 😭😭😭🫠🫠🫠🫠
There are actual tears streaming down my face rn
GET HIS ASS REMUS AND REGULUS
Dorcas 😭😭
Oh it’s even worse their own people put the landmines down
“Only twice did Marlene give that ring back, two of the worst times in Dorcas' life, and here's the third to round it out.” Things always come in FUCKING THREES like Sybill said
I am so sad
I am not vibing
I was going to go to bed an hour ago and look where I am now
Sad.
Real talk though, Monty’s death actually hit me so hard I had to put my phone down and just sob for a solid minute
Props to the author for making it so fucking depressing
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bronzeagepizzeria · 9 months
Note
Oh fuck. The obsession with River. I hate this character. Okay, I'm lying there. I like her when she appears in season 4. But let's be realistic, we understand enough who she is at that moment. It's not difficult to understand that she is a future lover of the doctor, or even a future wife, between the insinuation to the old married couple, the way River talks about their various encounters, that she knows his "real" name, etc. Then she dies. The thing is that although we see her again later in the series, she is never really explored. I never recognized the River from season 4 in the sequel. It seems like she changed personality with each appearance? And then, anti people complain about Rose saying she's too obsessed with the doctor but uh… Have they seen River? His life was defined around him. It's downright scary. (She's even a downright sociopath?!) Even her damn profession as an archaeologist she did it for the doctor, and not for herself. Why do people complain about Rose? With Rose I feel a real human connection. She really looks like a real individual. Nothing but I love it when the actress plays the cry. Usually, and even in Doctor Who, there's no shortage of it, women's cries always seem so… I don't know how to say, clean? At least Rose's crying is realistic. Honestly, I think people hate Rose because she is very realistic in terms of a human character. River on the other hand… Well in the end despite the time we see it we never manage to grasp it. All the things we would have really wanted to know/see about her were never revealed. Even her fucking dates that she had described in her diary, we never see them? Even though I think she talked about it once? How, as a spectator, am I supposed to relate to this relationship? Also, I find her quite unhealthy… I think the worst are those who insist on saying that she is the doctor's great love. In what ? Did he like it? Yes. We can't deny this shit. But great love? In what ? For what ? What makes her so-called above? Because they are married? Are we talking about the marriage that the doctor didn't even want in the first place and that River forced and that the doctor had to do so that she agreed to help save the universe? Is this your ultimate proof of great love?! Nothing to do with it, but I must say that on top of that, as someone who's not really a fan of the idea of marriage, seeing one "forced" in a so-called romance frankly disgusted me. Did the doctor love River? Apparently yes in this shit scenario. But is their marriage proof of this? Absolutely not ! We're still talking about the guy who ended up completely dividing himself for Rose's happiness (and then who before that had actually done his tenth regeneration based on her) and spent 4 and a half billion years trying to bring Clara back to life… If a forced marriage that the doctor accepts is the ultimate proof of love for his people there is a problem. The night on Darillium is much more proof of this, although in the end, not really, since the Doctor often does crazy things for the people he loves, on any scale. Anyway, I don't even see how I can take most of River's fans seriously, since some try to deny all of the Doctor's other romantic relationships. Anyway , every time I hear someone try to insinuate that the doctor never really liked Rose (most of them are River fans) I just want to laugh. Yes of course… The guy literally says that Rose is his only religion in the face of the devil, but he doesn't love her. For that alone, Rose is the doctor's undeniable great love. Denial is so funny.
erm..not sure what you want me to say here, anon 😅 i don't ship river x doctor either
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eijispumpkin · 2 years
Note
ash? for the character thing?
HELL YEAH HELL YEAH HELL YEAH
favorite thing about them
he's so gentle and loving. he has so many reasons to be jaded and selfish and bitter but he's not. he values innocence, he is so kind especially to kids, he wants to protect his loved ones and to fight for them rather than himself. he's my favorite archetype of character: the gentle badass. real "i do not love the bright sword for its sharpness, nor the arrow for its swiftness, nor the warrior for his glory. i love only that which they defend" energy.
least favorite thing about them
yoshida (and therefore a chunk of the fandom)'s insistence that actually he had to die to achieve peace because actually Fuck people with ptsd i guess
favorite line
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it just... really encapsulates everything about him in a nutshell. all he ever wanted to be was griff's kid brother, just a normal person with a normal life. and so instead of being envious that eiji didn't suffer the same way he did, he just yearns and treasures that about eiji so much. love is stored in the ash lynx.
brOTP
ash & griff (crying screaming shouting wailing), ash & max, ash & nadia, ash & eiji's family
OTP
asheiji 😭🥰🥺💕✨😊🥰💖👌💕🥺😭🥰
nOTP
shorter/ash (but i already talked about that in my shorter post), ash/max (brb throwing up after even typing this), ash/literally any of his abusers, ash/blanca (throwing up again)
random headcanon
he uses dino's dirty money to pay for nadia wong's bottom surgery (yes nadia wong is a trans woman and i will not accept concrit on this thanks). at first she's like no ash i can't possibly accept this, but he gives her a very soft look and tilts his head a little and says "if you can't accept it for yourself, do it for me. there's nothing that'd make that old geezer madder than knowing i'm blowing his funds on making the people who loved me despite his best efforts happy. and i love the idea of making him spin in whatever shit grave he ended up in. if any. please, nadia? i don't want his money, and i want to give back to you for everything. it'd make me really happy if you'd accept it?" and she's just like. oh ash... because how can she say no to that?
unpopular opinion
he doesn't try to get eiji to leave him/try to leave eiji bc of ~abandonment issues~ lmfao he does it bc eiji got kidnapped and traumatized in a horrific way once already and he doesn't wanna see it happen again??? also i am literally begging yall to learn how to characterize him correctly bc i swear to god everyone either leans too hard into ~dark academia~ tropes/aesthetics (i.e. makes him just straight up ooc) or makes his literal only trait "having ptsd" and both of those takes fucking suck actually.
especially the "his only personality trait is having trauma" one, bc it invariably leads to demonization of ppl w trauma bc it DOES make a relationship read as v unhealthy if one person in it has literally no personality outside of being traumatized and sad all the time. but thats not ACCURATE or even realistic as a depiction of ppl w ptsd and it makes me want to tear my hair out!!! *stern parent voice* im gonna have to take ash lynx away if yall dont learn to behave
song i associate with them
"no rest" by dry the river !!!!
favorite picture of them
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this one has been my icon on discord for like 2 or 3 years at this point. i love him
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moscarific · 2 years
Note
1984 for the ask thing. :)
Well, this sure did become a thing.
Film
This Is Spinal Tap - Almost forty years later, I have not stopped laughing at this movie. When I saw it as a kid, the mockumentary style threw me for a loop in the best way, because I was so used to seeing comedy that was showy and carefully timed, and the humor here feels off-the-cuff and real. Everything in my home goes up to 11.
The Muppets Take Manhattan - This film does not actually hold up except for the music, but the scene with Miss Piggy and Joan Rivers turned me into a 5-year-old drag queen.
The NeverEnding Story - Am I too old to harbor a tiny hope that I will someday step into a book and become the hero of its story? And get to ride on a big fluffy white dragon?
The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension - It has been a couple of decades since I first watched this in college - drunk and/or high at midnight in the college theater - and I still have no idea what the fuck I just saw. But I'm pretty sure it was awesome.
Ghostbusters - My dad took me to see this in the theater when I was four, and I lasted a full 15 minutes before I got scared and started crying. I don't think my dad has forgiven me. Anyway, I like it better now.
Stop Making Sense - David Byrne's big suits were my first drag aesthetic, and the music. The weird, jittery, post-apocalyptic, transcendent music. Someday I will step into a suit and live in David Byrne's head.
Books
Neuromancer (William Gibson) - I read this the way it was meant to be read, at age fourteen, to impress the upperclassmen on the literary magazine staff. It felt prescient in the '90s, and now it's just uncanny. Gibson is one of those authors who doesn't seem like he turns much of a phrase, until you step back and see how immersive his worlds are.
The Unbearable Lightness of Being (Milan Kundera) - I pulled this off my parents' shelf in high school because it had a cool cover and read the whole thing while I was home with a cold. When I try to explain to people why I find it comforting to believe there's no afterlife, I wish I could hand them this book instead.
The Illuminatus! Trilogy (Bob Shea & Robert Anton Wilson) - More weird cult stuff that you have to read in high school or never. It's not... good? But it's great.
The Butter Battle Book (Dr. Seuss) - Every parent should teach their young children that the problem with war is that it's banal and nonsensical, and we can all do better.
Comics
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Kevin Eastman & Peter Laird) - My friend got her hands on trades of the early runs of TMNT in middle school, and the revelation of this darkly satirical source text of the TV cartoon was a pop culture coming-of-age moment. It's about superheroes as people, and adolescents as people, and gentrification and marginalization and homelessness and family, and it made me want to move to New York immediately.
TV
Muppet Babies - My generation has collectively forgotten most of the cartoons we watched at 8 AM on Saturday mornings while building pillow forts and Lego spaceships with our little brothers, but we've all retained this one.
V - I watched this by accident on a hotel room TV when I was way too young for it, and it creeped me out and made me fall in love with sci-fi in ways that I was surprisingly ready for.
Theater
Sunday in the Park with George - One of the great works of art about making art, from the perspective that process is inscrutable but people are not. The score bangs on dissonant chords until the exact moment when you think you can't take it anymore, and then it opens up into beautiful, soothing melody just long enough to really fuck you up again. Assume that whenever you read my writing, I hummed "Look, I made a hat!" just before posting.
Music
The Pretenders - Learning to Crawl - Chrissie Hynde's voice is so sexy, and the songs are full of a uniquely Midwestern longing.
Robyn Hitchcock - I Often Dream of Trains - Side A is all pranking on Freud and Christianity, and side B finds things to have faith in, even if Hitchcock still sounds like he's snarling.
R.E.M. - Reckoning - Mostly mournful and lovely, plus two absolute bangers that are retroactive bi pride anthems.
Depeche Mode - Some Great Reward - I bristled at this in high school when I thought it was edgy (but too pop), then embraced it in college when I realized it wasn't that edgy after all (but stunning).
Madonna - Like a Virgin - I can perform an improv lip sync routine to any song on this album, on demand.
Prince & The Revolution - Purple Rain The best pop album ever made. I am not accepting criticism at this time.
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merci-bitch · 3 years
Text
My Sweet Little One part II
Rose The Hat x fem!reader
Warning(s): swearing, slight abuse, PDA? 
Words: 2,5k
A/N: It has been quite a while. Hasn’t it? Haha. Well there might be a part 3 to this. It’s not as long as the first part which is 8k, and I have no idea how to make links so sadly I can’t link it here. ;/ . Hopefully there will more stories coming soon!
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I made Y/N mine, alright. And everyone knew it, for sure. The next night she laid in my bed, I made her scream my name until her vocal chords were raw and made sweat crack across her place physiognomy.
No one could have her body the way I do, specially that loathsome rube. But he doesn't matter now.' I told myself. Though I wanted to make him pay. Rip his heart out and eat it on a silver platter after making him after making him suffer. Who the hell does he think he is? Laying his hands on my Y/n. They might both be steamy but he should see me. Oh yes, I am a cathedral compared to his small amount of steam.
"Rosie?" Y/n's voice pulled me out of my self induced trance. "Yes love?" I hummed. "You were zoning off again. Is something the matter?" I loved hearing the sweetness in her voice. It was like music to my ears.
"No darling, I'm quite alright." I smiled and placed my lips against hers and gave her a soft kiss. 'If only she knew though.' I thought to myself but shoved that aside for the moment. I could feel her soft hands gently caressing my bare skin and moved closer to her. Normally I preferred being the big spoon but on this moment, I didn't quite mind. She was home now and has been for quite a few weeks but still, I missed her.
"You're sure?" I nodded and ran my hands through Y/n's hair. "You're so pretty. You know that right?" She nodded and I smirked. "There is no one quite like you." Y/n's cheeks flushed cherry red and I chuckled. "No shame, darling. I only speak the truth."
"I know." She gave me a small smile that made me swell up inside. "Have you thought about my offer?" Y/n let out a sigh and I sat up. "I have but-"
"But what?" I tried my hardest not to sound angry. "When you stabbed me before, you told me it was for steam?" I nodded cordially. "Is that...what you guys eat?"
"Does it matter?" I expected to have her argue with me a little bit but surprisingly she didn't. Which I was thankful for. I took Y/n's hands gently in my own and kissed them. "Look, I know it's hard for you to wrap your head around but their pain is our gain. Don't you want to have a life with me? Unconditional bliss?"
She looked down as she slowly sat up and started fumbling with her hands. I wanted to say things, but I didn't want her to run away again. I didn't want to lose her again. She was mine, and only mine.
—— You don't know what it's like, not knowing who you are. To have lived in the shadows and to have travelled this far. Now I've seen a flashes of fire and echos of screams. But I still have faith, faith that someday my memories will come back.
In my dreams, it's all real. And my heart has so much to reveal. And my dreams seems to say, 'don't be afraid to go on, don't give up hope, come what may.' I know it will all come back! One day!
In my dreams shadows call. There's a light at the end a hall. Then my dreams fade away, but I know it will all come back one day. I just remember, rain against the windows. Sheets upon a bed. Terrifying nurses whispering overhead.
It was all strange. Rose, everyone. They say I was found on the side of the road. It had recently rained. In the darkness and cold with the wind in the trees. A girl with no name, and no memories but these above. I don't know a thing before that. Traveling the back roads, sleeping in the wood. I was always taking what I needed, working when I could. Keeping up my courage, foolish as it seems.
In my dreams I've always dreamed of a city. I dream of a city beyond all compare. Is it Paris? Paris... A beautiful river, a bridge by a scare and I hear a simple voice whisper, 'I'll meet you right there in Paris.' Paris.
Dancing bears, painted wings. Things I almost remember, and a song someone sings. It's almost December. Once upon a December. Someone holds me safe and warm. Horses prance through a silver storm. Figures dancing gracefully and across my memory.
Far away, long ago. Glowing dim as an ember and things my heart used to know and things it yearns to remember. And a song someone used to sing.
Heart don't fail me now and courage don't desert me. Don't turn back now that we're here. People have always said, life is full of choices and they aren't wrong but they never mentioned fear. Or how the world can seem so vast. On a simple journey to the past.
Somewhere down this road. I know someone true is waiting. Years of dreams just can't be wrong! Someone's arms will open wide and I'll be safe and wanted. Finally a place where I belong. Well, starting now I'm learning fast! On my journey to my past.
Home, love and family. There has to be a time where I had them too. I wouldn't be complete until I find you. But always one step at a time. One hope, then another. Who knows where this road may go? I wanna go back to who I was. On to find my future. There are things my heart still needs to know. Yes! Let this be some kind of sign and let this road be mine. Let it lead me to my past, and bring me home. At last!
"So, when the fuck was you gonna tell me."
"Hm? Tell you what my dear."
"Cut the sweet act Rose."
"What's wrong with you? Did they tease you again? You want tea?"
"Oh fuck you."
"Watch it."
"Watch it?! You have some fucking nerve Rose."
"Excuse me?"
"You heard me. The fuck did you think was gonna happen?"
"Seriously, what do you mean Y/N."
"Did you think I was gonna forget your words? Think I was gonna forget how useless and worthless you called me?"
"Y/N, I-"
"Shut it. I know exactly what you said, I'm not stupid or will I ever fall for some cover up you're calling this. I was happy without you!"
"You would never survive without me!"
"I did perfectly well for 10 fucking years Rose!"
"You call that happy?! With that Danny? You call that happy Y/N?"
"He loved me! He took care of me! More then you'd ever done, he took me for what I was. He picked up the pieces you broke."
"You better watch it. I don't mind killing you myself."
"See, this is exactly where you and I are different. I spend years not fitting in but thinking it was fine. Cause you were 'there' and cuddled me. Did you ever really love me? Cause you're blaming me for everything here, when it actually was you who fucked it up."
"I fucked it up?! You were the one who was so fucking ungrateful!"
"Ungrateful?! I have a fucking soul!"
"No, you don't! Cause you fucking sold it to the devil. You're not human. We turned you Y/N!"
"Excuse me what?"
"What?"
"No, don't change subject. What did you say?"
"Nothing."
"Did you fucking turn me without me saying you could?! Rose what the fuck!"
"What, you're mine. Just had to claim you. You'll be fine."
"Fine?! I don't wanna feed of dead kids Rosie!"
"They're actually quite delicious."
"You're fucking sick."
"Didn't stop you from fucking me."
"I didn't really have a choice."
"I didn't fucking rape you."
"Nah, it felt like it."
"You screamed my name out of pleasure."
"How come you were so sure of that?"
"I saw it, I saw your mind."
"What if that was just for play?"
"Oh, fuck you."
"I'd kill you if you tried."
"Oh, sweetheart. I'd like to see you try."
"Come at me."
"You can't be serious."
"Come kill me Rose."
"No."
"Coward."
"You're a bitch. A fucking bitch."
"Yet you put up with me for years. Took me back in when I was vulnerable. Loved me, well. Kind of. You held me close to you. Favorited me. So technically, I was your bitch."
"Exactly. You're my bitch."
"I was, not anymore."
"You'll always be my bitch. You're so weak for me, nothing will change that."
"Rose-"
"Begging already? Hm. Get on your knees."
"What?"
"Now!"
"Never."
"Get on your fucking knees before I make you."
"Make me then."
"You're playing with fire Y/N. I fucking hate you."
"Yeah, yeah. We've all heard that. How about something new?"
Before I knew it, her hand was wrapped around my throat. Holding me up in the air. Not a single piece of happiness or softness in her eyes. It was just dark. Her whole face was filled with anger. The veins in her throat showed as she strained. Her jaw clenched. Her hand squeezing harder around my throat. More and more air was ripped from my throat.
"You'll learn your fucking place. You disgraceful little piece of shit."
Her fingernails started to dig into the skin of my neck and my vision started to blacken out. Clawing at her hand. Choking on whatever air that was left in my lungs.
"R-Rosie-"
"Hm? Can't really hear you, my dear."
Her hand tightened even more and I felt my limbs go lump. Everything going dark.
-
"I don't know Abra. She's been gone for so long. She was missing when I came back from the bathroom at the cinema. You haven't seen anything?"
"No, I've been trying. It's like Rose is cutting her off from us."
"I just hope she's alright. She doesn't deserve all this."
"I know, but we'll find her."
"Sweetheart? Hey, wake up."
I felt someone slap my cheek. Groaning in pain, moving my head away. Slowly opening my eyes.
"Rose?"
"Yes, I'm right here."
"What happened?"
"My dear child, you passed out. You had a nightmare from sleeping and got up and started crying. Then you just dropped."
"Really? I don't remember."
"Oh, don't worry. I've got you."
Rose put her arms around me and pulled the covers over us, giving my forehead a kiss. I couldn't put my thought to it. Was that really what happened? I shook my head and snuggles close to Rose. Breathing in her scent. Relaxing. Smiling softly and looking up at her.
"What? What are you smiling about."
"Nothing."
"Come on, I can see there's something."
"I just -"
"Yes?"
"I love you, Rosie."
"I love you too Y/N."
"Rose? Is this really how it has to go?"
"Yes, my dear. Now come on. Stab her."
"I-I don't know, it's just a child."
"What have I told you before?"
"I-, their pain, our gain."
"That's it. Now come, feed your family."
Rose's hands were on my waist, her nose brushing against the back of my neck. I slowly raised the knife in the air. Feeling a sort of deja vu. Had I done this before? I couldn't have. Despite the child's cries, pleas and begging Rose was right. Their pain was our gain. I had to do this to feed the family. The true knot was my family.
Muttering a soft 'sorry' before stabbing the child. Stabbing it over and over again. Hearing both Rose's and Crow's laughter behind me. I felt angry for some reason, the child in front of me was the beat for my anger. The piece to take out all the unknown anger. Again and again. Until there was nothing left. Dropping the knife, shaking.
"You did so great, look at all that steam! Well last for weeks! If not even months. Good girl."
Rose gave me a wet kiss and stroked my cheek.
"Rosie?"
"Yes, my love?"
"Have I done this before?"
"What? Stabbing a child?"
"Yeah, I got like a deja vu."
"Well, haven't we all wished to kill children?"
Her carefree laughter filled the air. It didn't make any sense, but it had to.
"Yeah, I guess so."
"Don't be so sad now, poppet. You did well."
"It just feels weird. I was a child too once."
"We all were. But now we are adults, we are the true knot. We live as more powerful then pathetic rubes. You said so yourself."
"I did?"
"Right you did."
"Oh, I can't remember much."
Rose stroked my cheek again and pulled me against her. Rubbing my back and watched the moonlight with me. It was silent. Was it nice? Was it confusing? Was it awkward?
"I just, this doesn't feel right."
"What do you mean?"
"It's like I've been walking, but with my face turned to the sun. This weight on my shoulders. And I feel as if I need to run. I do what I can to please you and the others, I just feel like an outsider."
"This is your home, can't you hear freedom calling? Calling you to stay. Don't you feel it in your bones? You belong here."
"In the morning before the sun starts shining, we gotta start moving again, can I drive with you?"
"Always."
"So I'm gonna stand up, and take my people with me. Together we are going to our brand new home. Far across the river. Do you hear freedom calling? Calling you to answer their prayer."
"That's what you got?"
"Yes, it was all I could find out."
"It's not really helpful."
"I know, I don't know what's going on. Before it was so easy to track her."
"I go to prepare a place for you."
Rose watched you sleep. She knew it wouldn't be long until your memories would come back. Her and Crow had been talking about what to do with you. She didn't want to kill you. She did love you, but if she had to she would kill you. You were steamy but she didn't know if it was that good. She had only tasted it once, but it was only little bit.
It had tasted like flowers. For some reason each time Rose would think about it. She would feel this, this heavy feeling in her chest. She didn't know what it was. It couldn't be guilt, could it? No. Of course not. Rose The Hat never had guilt. She was a strong a confident woman. Powerful. The queen bitch of castle hell.
Rose O'Hara knew guilt, knee pain and specially weakness. Rose The Hat could never dream of getting on her knees for anyone.
If she had to kill the one thing she loved. She fucking would.
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khaleesiofalicante · 2 years
Note
"Artists are people driven by the tension between the desire to communicate and the desire to hide" - Donald Winnicott
Izzy going with Maryse and Alec staying😭 the opposite-parallels hurt me ok?!?!? Also the reason he says is also kinda sad and shit is all complicated!!!
Sometimes that’s what it means to be a son. To make sacrifices for your parents.
Sometimes that’s what it means to be a parent. To make sacrifices for your children.
This!!
The way he never walked away and he never gave up are some of his best qualities but at the same time the reason it all went down. Love me some good analysis...
Alec-Maryse post-divorce parallels... Wow
SIZZY RIGHTS!!!😎 Also not them stalking him djhdjdjd
He reminds himself of what Ragnor told him. Love how he is always learning and trying to understand better🥺
Rules and shit really are complicated...
"And you Isabelle, you live inside my heart. You always will.” Lightwood siblings is something that can actually be so personal..
But she doesn’t know how to be sad. So, she decides to be angry. He wonders if all younger siblings are like that. I dont like this call out...
FUCK VALENTINE. CLACE RIGHTS BITCH!! I WILL PROTECT THEM WITH MY LIFE✨🔪💙 JACE IS SO FUCKING IN LOVE AND I SAY GOOD FOR HIM!!
Love is blind, and love is stupid, and love is dangerous, and love is beautiful.💜💜💜
But Jace could ask him to part the ocean and Alec will die trying. *sobbing* I'm fine :)
Competitive little shits kdhsjdjkd, although Alec does win this one... He has the psychopath father and all shit
Simon and Clary supremacy only!!
OMG Anjali and Rafael are absolute nerds and I'm love them jdhdjs
If we don't have a google folder together, then what the point??!?
They get turned on by the weirdest shit jdvsjdjs
Charlotte Fairchild is the most badass of all tbh
We all should be scared of Anjali😌
I like that Alec didn't make it hard for Rafael when he wanted to go to Stanford but I also expected more fight form him... And from Magnus oh gods why is this so fucking sad😭
I support Rosewood rights and wrongs!😎
The parallels of their pictures!! Max not giving a fuck and Rafael being so careful!! And the way Max is jealous of Rafael "having everything together" and Rafael being jealous of Max for being so "unafraid and chaotic" Brb I'm gonna cry..
I hate everyone. Magnus just gets dragged over and over. And the tweets holy fuck!! I hate that I laughed with the cinnamon roll one smh
“Will you keep an eye on him for me?” Rafael asks him instead. "Always,” David replies. 🥺🥺🥺
I understand Max being mad, but fuck if he didnt stressed me out so much here!!! Just, kindly stop :)
For whatever his issues, Max knows how to keep a promise. Not me crying over this😭
How do you make someone feel better if they aren’t feeling anything at all? Ok, that and the fact that the divorce issue starts here hurts a lot🙂 I love this chapter<3
I can't finish this Timeline for a few hours bc I have to get up (eww) but just some thoughts till now:
Note to self: This man is the bane of his existence. Pun intended.😂😂
Him always answering to the ones who need help got me emo for some reason🥺
I think of you everywhere💛 David really know how to go from horny to soft in 0.1 secs djhdjsksks
The staff is the real MVP here!! I love them all so much and they live in my head 24/7 and they are all amazing<33
Anyway, song rec: Be alright By Dean Lewis. Its really a shame cheating is not a trope here (its not, Idk how I would survived that shit jdhsjsj) because the playlist would be ✨stunning✨
Remeber to take a break when you need it. Byeee💚
GET THAT SLEEP GIRL. GET IT. WHOOOOOO.
If TLND had cheating, I would have thrown myself into the river (and i am like scared of rivers) gotta draw that angst line somewhere lol.
also, i may or may not have a magnus and camille playlist with a lot of cheating/toxic songs lol.
I feel like Be Alright is in the divorce au playlist (or maybe lbaf?) but there are too many songs there and I can't find it lol.
Sending you some sertonin. Have this song rec from my David playlist: Pomme - Ceux qui rêvent
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slut-mp4 · 3 years
Text
April Fools - Park Jimin
summary: jimin writes a letter after receiving a call from his ex telling him that he loves him, on April Fool's Day.
words: 1.9k
this one shot is also posted on my wattpad account, however, the original is in Spanish. I don't speak English fluently, so this may have some mistakes; my intention with this is to try to learn a little and entertain you.
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April Fool's Day.
The sunset glowed darkly, the sun descending in a zigzag cusp with the buildings blocking it from me. Naturally, everything always ended up leaving me, although this time it was metaphorical. So I looked at the clock, listening louder to its hands moving until it struck six in the evening than to the laughter of the people passing by on the sidewalk and their voices saying things I didn't understand the tone in an invisible bustle, but could imagine; people making jokes, telling anecdotes or just talking among friends.
I wonder at what point in my life I will have one of those, because they all eventually left too, and they lasted less than the sunset fading into the sky like a river of warm colors.
Do you remember that day? When we also faded into each other. When we were the ones who ran in the streets laughing without caring about people, when we were the ones who stopped on the sidewalks and just talked non-stop. Do you remember what we were? We were here, on the terrace of my room, watching the stars jealous of the beautiful way you could shine even brighter than them without trying. Do you remember how it felt? I couldn't forget.
Yet I'm just a fool who has ruined everything, because I can't be a normal person. I made you go. I made you walk away from me. And now I'm here, pretending you can hear me, but you don't. And even if you could, you shouldn't. I ruined what we had because I can't live up to expectations. Funny, even though I know it was my fault you left, I'm still here thinking about you like we had a chance.
You deserve better. Something so much better than me.
Who am I, really? Why would you have been with me in the first place?
The sound of a call on my phone suddenly rang out, too, though at that moment it too could sound even quieter than the noise of the street. It was strange. For a second something burst in my chest; I didn't usually get calls, or messages, though maybe it could have been my mother asking me if I've done the dishes yet.
—Hello, Jimin? —then I heard your voice.
I hadn't heard you for so long. About a month or two, which were a torture that you took it upon yourself to make more painful. Because that's what you were doing at the time, listening on the other end of the line the way you were collecting yourself around my agony and loneliness, and you were there asking how I slept yesterday, waving as if I deserved to hear from you again after letting you down before and letting out that shaky sigh that made my skin bristle.
It hurts. You used to make the pain go away, then you started to provoke it.
I had to hang up on you, because my heart couldn't take so much after hearing you speak before my chest hurt and my eyes burned. I can't lie to you, I miss you, like I have since day one, but I couldn't help it, you will always be the most precious thing I will have ever had even for a few moments of this life.
You called me again and again. Again and again. Over and over again. I didn't understand. You did it on purpose, didn't you? You knew I was going to come down?
—Don't play games with me like that —I cried once I answered the call. I tried not to let my voice break, but my mind was my worst enemy, reminding me of the good times we had, how good you made me feel. Damn. Yeah, it's so fucking weird being alone now, but I don't know if you know about it.
—Jimin... —Oh, your shaky whisper, it sounded even frighteningly beautiful. I want to believe I know how you feel: so do I, however, I also believed that one day you loved me, and it was you who ended it.
—It was so good —I lied. If I heard a little more of your voice calling my name I was going to cry yours until it was just ashy moans of my love for you. Why are you looking for me now? Why do you want to hurt me?
—You are a good person Jimin —you said. Sometimes we just have to understand that some people don't deserve us.
I wondered for a moment what you were referring to, but it was more than obvious, of course. Even if I wanted to deny it at times, it was impossible not to know that the only reason I could no longer breathe peace in these gray walls or in the cool air after a warm sunset was because I didn't deserve it. I could never deserve it.
—Please stop —My voice came out to you, like the cry of clouds shining among soft invisible stars within a sky the color of the sea where I could drown; I wonder if you would know the way my heart was pounding when your breath hit the microphone. Why are you calling? Why are you still here?
Your soft laughter shuddered down the avenue. It was so convenient; that's how you are. The streets lit up, though nothing shone like you, and for a second I could hear myself crying in the darkness of my balcony empty of you and happiness, even above the bustle of freedom outside that naturally gave me a headache.
—I'm not still here, Jimin.
And yet, it felt like you were lying. Your hands kept caressing my shoulders and your scentless breath would sneak between my ears, then you'd smile over me to love me as if I deserved it. We remember those nights here locked in bubbles empty of realities, and we felt ourselves vibrating on speakers as if we were bliss. We remembered the way we connected, and then forgot what it was really like.
I could, for a second, hear again your "I love you's" floating in me like cold butterflies, yet it doesn't feel the same way real love could. Of all the words we said so much to each other, the only ones that were real were always mine.
But it was okay; I get what I deserve, and real love with you couldn't be further from reality.
—I know —I closed my eyes, feeling the beauty of the night as if it could protect me, but in reality it did not. Of all the promises we made, not one has been kept. I also know.
—Jimin, I love you.
—D-do I? —I muttered.
I would never have questioned before whether you loved me or not, yet now that I've realized I'm not worthy of love, now that you've gone away from me, I couldn't believe you even if I wanted to.
Why, what have I done wrong? I don't know. The only thing I am sure of is that I do love you, but I could never again allow you to falsely return it.
I love you, so even if you could truly love someone like me in some lifetime, I would not let you..... You said it yourself, why should we stay with people we know we don't deserve? For better, or for worse.
—Yes. I love you.
—Then why did you leave? —I whisper. The hum of pain crushing my chest you could hear on the other end of the line, surely.
I wanted to tell you what I thought of your love,
And you kept talking. You did. I wanted to tell you, "Hey, stop, please, you have to stop talking because I'm falling in love with you all over again," but I couldn't, the lump in my throat grew stronger and the breeze made me feel cold. I had to set boundaries, because I was falling again.
That was what you wanted.
It was always what you wanted.
—It was you who ended it, so why are you calling me?
Still, you spoke as a whole. I heard your words, the worried way you listened in my ear like a melody of pain. I don't understand what you want. Acting innocent, you just make me sick, though I'm not entirely sure about that. Because, the more I listen to you over and over again as if you might feel something towards me, the more I feel deluded. Could you really love me, why would you be bothering me again.
—You can't stay in the past —you said. Your voice suddenly sounded so hoarse. The leaves on the trees rustled loudly as an icy breeze blew through, they clattered against each other. I think a night storm was coming. I suddenly wondered how similar you and a storm could be, they can both appear at any time and destroy whatever they want, can't they?
I don't know at what point we got to that point in the conversation when you said again:
—I love you, I love you. Forgive me, please.
I wanted to tell you to stop, to stop, but I couldn't. I didn't want your voice to come back. I didn't want your voice to disappear again because it makes me feel livid, floating in the world with loving agony. Honestly, I didn't care how much pain you were capable of causing me, because, I wasn't like that, but you're still inside my heart and I've become a fool.
I am a fool.
—You make me lose my mind, why do you want to see me now? —I asked, when I heard you say an address and remind me of the moments in it. This is strange, I should be alone again. You are better off like this, without me, why now?
—Because I've thought it all over, I'm so sorry, really, come back to me.
My heart shook inside me. It was you who ended it, but now you want to come back. It's okay, you have control over me in anything, you rise above me and it doesn't matter. It really doesn't. I'm used to that. Besides, deep down, I'm nothing without you.
—Why do you want this? I don't deserve you, I don't... you deserve better than me, you shouldn't come back to me.
—I know.
I had to hang up on you. Your voice was still ringing in my ear and I couldn't stop my world from spinning. I thought of the sweet smell of your skin, the silkiness of your hair, your eyes looking at me and your lips on mine again. I missed you so much, and even though I didn't want you to have to live with the burden of being next to me when I was barely capable of deserving you any less than you do, I had to dial your number again.
—Yes, okay, I love you, I love you with all my life. Please, yes, please, please, it doesn't matter, I'm going to give you even my little self-love to deserve you, I promise.
Then, I heard your soft laughter like a calm wave on the ocean. I wish I hadn't minded, but actually, I did, what was so funny?
—Oh, that was harder than I thought, you ask a lot of questions, but congratulations, I thought you were only going to last a few minutes and we've been here talking for an hour now.
In the background, I thought more people were passing by on the street because I heard more laughter altogether, but actually, it was coming from my phone.
—Happy April Fool's Day!
April Fool's Day.
I remember that day, but it was no longer as happy as when we made jokes together, but passionately sad when I sobbed.
I'm a fool, because I still sighed feeling sweet to hear you laugh. It doesn't matter, it really doesn't matter.
—I love you... happy day to you.
—Happy April Fool's Day —you seemed to want to correct me.
—No, happy day still.
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the-art-of-styles · 3 years
Text
Ping-Pong
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✧ Aylin and Harry go out to sell some jams and come back to a disaster in one of their homes.
Word count: 1783
Warnings: short mention of eating disorder/disordered eating/calories
Part I
Part II (you’re here!)
Part III
Part IV
Part V
Part VI
Part VII
Part VIII
14
   Mrs. Mendes is an old woman, she has lines of love around her eyes and lips that show how happy she was throughout her life, also on her forehead, showing how she was amazed by even the tiniest things that were introduced to her.
   She has lived her entire life in the village, and everyone knows her for her exquisite blackberry jams. Aylin's mom used to buy her 2 mason jars every month for her daughter to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, until Aylin was 10 years old and she stopped.
   "No more, Aylin, you've been gaining a lot of weight. A lot of calories, few wasted."
   Those words had consequences, at the tough and young age of 11, Aylin entered a diet low in carbs and fats, where she lost a lot of weight, but from so much restriction, she began a cycle of sometimes bingeing where she couldn't stop to eat for all that she could not taste.
   For all that she could not live.
   At just eleven.
Eleven years old.
   Already at twelve she had somewhat overcome her eating disorder, according to her mother, she was still a bit chubby, but Aylin was always a strong woman, and when she looked in the mirror she wondered, what was so bad about not being thin?
   She loved food, and didn't think about going back to that hell she went through for months. Fuck the diet.
   Mrs. Mendes walked through the only green park in town until she sat down on a yellow bench and took out of her bag some bread crumbs to give to the pigeons that were listening to human affairs. Aylin was walking her dog, Luna, she has no breed and she rescued her from the street when she was about to be run over. Well, she didn't rescue her, a man who had the necklace of a moon saved her and gave her to Aylin as she witnessed all of it (crying). He did not live there and didn't have the time or the space to have a pet, so there she is, walking her new best friend until she sees the old woman and her heart warms and a smile emanates from her lips.
   "Mrs. Mendes!" She screamed and began to jog with Luna until she reached the old woman, she looked at her and her eyes narrowed at her smile.
   "Oh Aylin dear, you look so big!"
   "Yep, I'm 5'1 now, almost 5'2! Isn't that incredible? I'm going to be so big."
   "I'm sure you will honey. Who's that?"
   After Aylin told her the whole story, the two talked about different things while feeding crumbs to the pigeons who listened attentively to their conversation.
   "Hey darling, you know I sell jams right?" Mrs. Mendes suddenly said, making Aylin look at her smiling.
   "Of course! The most exquisite in the whole town!"
   The woman smiled flattered, "Oh cut it. . . Anyways, in my house I have many done, raspberry, blackberry—"
   "I love the blackberry one!" The little interrupted without thinking, instantly embarrassed to do so. "Sorry. . . continue."
   Mrs. Mendes just laughed, "It doesn't matter. Well, uh, what was I saying? Ah! Yes! So, I don't have a way to sell them, you know, I'm an old lady and I can't go from house to house delivering so I was wondering if you—"
   "Oh god! Can I go deliver the jams? It would be amazing! I would wear white and I would go with a brown basket that I have on my bike and– Ah!" Aylin squealed with excitement, "I could go with Harry! He's my friend, even though he lied to me. . . but I already forgave him, the Smiths adopted him, the house across from mine. Oh yeah, can I, please?"
   Mrs. Mendes got confused every time she spoke to Aylin, she always talked a lot and very fast and changed the subject all the time, but she liked her, she liked that she was fast and not slow, it made her feel young.
   If only that speed so characteristic of hers had remained.
   "Yes, darling, you can. And I'd like to meet this Harry boy."
   "Oh, you'll love him! I love him, he's my best friend."
.
.
.
   "No."
   "Pleaseeeeeeeee!"
   "I really don't feel like selling jams."
   "But it's so nice! People will be so happy! And you'd meet so many people from this town. Harryyyyyy!"
   Harry sometimes feels very exasperated when he’s with Aylin. She always tries to involve him in things of the town; recreational activities, meetings, whatever, but even though the Smiths have kept him and a part of him begins to really believe that this family will be forever, he can't help but not want to get too fond of living there because at this point he doesn't think his heart could bear to bleed in pain once more.
   But anyway, he likes that Aylin is like that, so persistent with him since it's not something that he has lived in his life, they always get bored of him and never look for him, he is the one doing it, but now he is different and the feeling that brings him makes him fall asleep at night.
   Puppy eyes. "Please, Harry?"
   He just rolled his eyes, irritated with himself because he knew exactly what the next word would be that would slide off his tongue in a harsh way, but she would eat it anyway. "Fine."
   She squealed, he groaned.
.
.
.
   "Thank you so much, kids. I missed this jams, and say thank you for my part to Mrs. Mendes, ya?" A woman in her forties with black hair waved them off at the door of her house, exchanging the money for the jams.
   "We sure will! See you!"
   They have been selling since twelve in the morning, now the sky was burning and the clouds too, the cold was beginning to descend and there were fewer and fewer people in the streets and more in their homes. The treetops danced to the sweet whispers of the wind, Aylin joining them on the empty streets.
   "Wasn't that so fun?! We selled everything, we should get into business when we grow up, don't you think, H?"
   "Yeah sure," he replied sarcastically. Aylin always notices the comments that Harry makes and when some are real and when they are not, she is not stupid, she just ignores them because she knows that deep down he must like part of the things they do, because otherwise, he would have left her long ago. Besides, that makes her feel better, she doesn't like to think that she bores people, especially when she knows that it is something real, something that has been said to her face.
   Honestly, Harry must admit that it wasn't a total torture. Hearing Aylin talk so much is fun to him, she always has an opinion on something, and she is always in awe of things that she sees every day.
   Actually, Harry likes Aylin. Not in a romantic way, he knows about feelings and everything, he even knows about porn, but he has never seen her that way and he doesn't think he will ever see her like that. It's not that she's not pretty, he finds her quite cute, but it's just a friendship for him.
   His first friendship.
   As they turned to get to the street where their houses are, the two noticed the great fight in one of them.
   Harry stopped walking, and Aylin kept doing it.
   Her mother was throwing an open suitcase on the head of her father, who fell to the ground and began to pick up his things at full speed while she insulted him.
   At that point, Aylin started running.
   "Mum! Dad! What – what is going on?!" She squealed in concern, walking over to her dad and squatting next to him to make sure he's okay. "Why do you have a suitcase? Where are you going?"
   "He'll go fuck his assistant, that's for sure!" The mother screamed with hatred, regardless of the language she spoke in front of two children or whoever was listening (and there were several people).
   "His assistant? But, what? Mr. Gomez?" Aylin asked extremely confused with her eyebrows furrowing.
   "Exactly." She spit out to her husband and turned around on her own heels, dragging her feet into the house and slamming the door that almost made the whole town rumble.
   "D-dad?" Aylin asked with her eyes swimming in a sea of tears, but she didn't allow her cheeks to turn into rivers.
   "I'm so sorry, baby. I really am." The father composed himself and stood up, giving his daughter a long kiss on the forehead and then walking with suitcase in hand and head down, like the end of a movie where there is a climax where you think everything will be fine but in the outcome it all goes to shit and they lose everything.
   "Wha– Where are you–" She sighed, her father far enough away not to hear her, "...going." She whispered, feeling a crack form in her heart that hurt like a hundred stabs dipped in the hottest lava of the worst hell.
   Harry was at a safe distance, but he heard everything and saw everything as did some neighbors looking out in their windows to feed the curious cat without risking death. He understood everything and had a knot in his stomach from seeing his friend without life in her eyes, and being so painfully slow.
   What a plot twist. He was gay. The dad, of course.
   Aylin sat dejectedly on the edge of the sidewalk, staring at the grayish of the street without knowing what she was thinking about. She is always thinking, she is always saying something, but now there is nothing in her mind, white paint fell on the canvas and there are no more available brushes to paint on top of it.
   The curly boy did not know what to do, he is not a person of a lot of words, and besides, what do you say to someone in a situation like this? "I'm sorry your dad is gay." Sounds a bit homophobic. So he chose to approach slowly as he usually does, he has always been slow, and although sometimes Aylin is exasperated that he sees everything and does everything in slow motion, deep down he conveyed a certain tranquility that she could not create by herself. Harry sat next to her and rubbed her back.
   He didn't knew if she was crying or not, but he wasn't going to ask anything either, so he just sat with her while she hurt.
   And he wished that swiftness of hers had never gone away.
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