#I can think of many times he acts selflessly! and yet he is still selfish | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

narakurosaki · 3 years

Text

Edward and Winry: Why They Definitely Dated During the Two Year Gap

Since the end of the manga as well as Brotherhood, I’ve observed a chunk of the FMA fandom adopting the notion that Edward and Winry do not begin their romantic relationship until the exchange at the train station, two years after the Elric brothers have been home. Admittedly, this fanon has always been a pet peeve of mine, and it was one that I actively ignored, even as an awkward high schooler that had not yet been in a romantic relationship.

As awkward as Edward is, it’s odd to me that many people believe that he would skip the process of building a solid romantic relationship with Winry before asking her to marry him. Sure, they’re best friends and have known each other since childhood, but, ask yourself: if you were in love with your best friend, would you propose marriage at random, having never made your feelings known, before? I’m not a betting woman, but I think it’s safe to say most, if not all of you, wouldn’t.

We’re going to take a look at several moments within the manga and Brotherhood that serve to hint towards Ed and Winry engaging in a romantic relationship during those two years spent in Resembool.

I’ll be opening with Brotherhood’s fifth opening, “Rain”. It has always intrigued me that the version of Truth Edward sees takes on the form of Winry. I’ve had many theories regarding this that I’ve shared in the Edwin Discord server, but, recently, while researching Truth for a oneshot I’m writing, I discovered this in Truth’s trivia section:

For some reason, in the fifth Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood opening "Rain", Winry Rockbell appears as Truth. Perhaps Winry is what Ed needed most at the time of the episode in which the opening first aired. Another possible reason for Winry's appearance in the opening "Rain": at this point, the scene is playing a review of Edward's review of his journey to this point. When he faces Truth originally, and is then dragged backward through his Door (his ten year old self), he glimpses an outline of Trisha, the object of his sacrifice that brought him to the Portal of Truth, and also the most important female in his life at that time. But in "Rain", he sees Winry instead of Trisha, the current object of his affections and, after regaining Alphonse's body, his goal. A third possibility, is that Winry-as-Truth, was meant to show what he desired as a trap, fitting the next scene: of him screaming within a Philosopher's Stone, before images of every homunculus except Greed. Winry, his desire that tempts him away from what must be done, and the homunculi, whom he must face to succeed.

When we assess the second theory listed in Truth’s trivia section of its wiki page, it is easy to conclude that Edward, though a typical teenage boy concerning romance (not to mention emotionally constipated), came to some sort of realization regarding his feelings towards his best friend. Alphonse has always been his priority since the night the brothers performed human transmutation; he never thought of his future past that. He saw his goal—get his and Al’s original bodies back—and was determined to achieve it. It was the only thing he saw in his future for years. And, suddenly, his father returns, and the fate of Amestris (perhaps, the world, even) is thrust upon him. This, I believe, is what forces Edward to face the emotions he never bothered to acknowledge. There was always a possibility of failure on the Promised Day—Father could have succeeded, and any future Edward envisioned for himself would be unobtainable. He suddenly saw himself sharing his life with his best friend, the woman he had fallen for at some point in his life. Sure, he denied having feelings for her time and time again throughout the series (Hawkeye, anyone?), but that can be chalked up to being a typical teenage boy. Not to mention, he didn’t have time to think about being with Winry. He acted selflessly, focused on getting his little brother’s body back and fulfilling the promise he made to him.

This is somewhat touched upon in the third theory on Truth’s wiki page—the feelings he has for Winry tempt him away from the task at hand. While it does not tempt him away from the promise he made Al, it tempts him away from saving the country. While Edward is not so selfish as to abandon his friends and family on the Promised Day, he does urge Winry to take Pinako and Den out of the country, saving them from the country-wide human transmutation. Though he does not say he will join them, the request is still selfish on Ed’s part. He cares deeply for Winry, and Pinako has become a found family member for the brothers. While he’s unsure if he will make it out alive, he at least wants Winry to see another day.

At the end of “Rain” we see that the storm has cleared, as shown by the sun shining on Winry. She watches Ed sleep peacefully, a smile on his face. This is what Ed wants, this is the goal he wants to achieve after regaining Al’s body—a happy life with Winry.

This moment will be talked about briefly—in opening 4, “Period” (my favorite), Ed and Al pass through each other and look to their surroundings, noticing that they’re alone. Their world comes back into their view with the assistance of those who matter most to them. Winry is seen smiling behind Edward, reminding him that he isn’t alone. Being the first person he sees (or thinks of, depending on how you look at it), it speaks volumes as to Winry’s importance in Edward’s life. She is so much more to him than his mechanic and best friend.

In a blink and you’ll miss it moment, Edward thinks back to those who have impacted his life in a positive way when facing Truth one last time. Truth asks him multiple times if he’s certain on giving up his alchemy; Edward hears the voices of Roy, Riza, Hohenheim, Armstrong, Izumi, Mei, and Alphonse calling out his name. After a brief pause, he hears Winry, This is when Ed proudly asks, “Who needs alchemy when I’ve got them?”

The pause is significant. Ed is able to think of the others—familial and platonic relationships—without missing a beat. When he thinks to Winry, however, there is a pause. We hear her call out his name as he looks Truth in the eye. His goal has been achieved—he is able to sacrifice his Gate to bring his brother’s body back. With this in mind, and with Father having been defeated, Ed is free to think towards the future, and that is a future involving Winry. The pause symbolizes Ed’s freedom to do so, as well as his next goal, so to speak: live an “ordinary life” with the woman he loves.

There is a time skip of at least two months following the Promised Day. This specific scene is worded different between the English dub and the subbed versions. As shown above, Alphonse asks his brother if he’s “…sure about Winry…” in the subbed version as they return home. While we would expect to see Edward freak out to some degree (i.e. spitting out his coffee when asked by Hawkeye; reciting the periodic table when remembering the conversation in Winry’s presence) he only stares at his little brother questioning my. The question by Al suggests that he and Ed had some form of discussion regarding the latter’s feelings towards their best friend. To ask someone if they’re sure of something suggests that the individual has made some sort of decision. For example, one may ask me if I’m sure about my decision to go to college, something I’ve made known to those around me. During those two months spent in Central, or even during the train ride home to Resembool, the brothers had to have discussed Winry. Alphonse is not only Edward’s little brother, but his best friend and confidant. He can tell him anything without fear of judgment, and he feels safe in divulging what he thought of as selfish desires now that his brother has his body back.

In the English dub, the question is worded differently. Alphonse instead asks “What about you and Winry?” While not entirely the same as the Japanese, this question does continue to emply that Edward spoke of his feelings to Al at some point. This line is Al’s way of asking his brother what his plans with Winry are now that they’re home—how will he go about sharing his feelings with her?

Sadly, we don’t get an answer to either version of the question, as the Rockbell home comes into view and the boys prepare to make their return.

Now, to the most compelling evidence, in my opinion… The white hoodie.

Remember the hoodie Edward returns home in? Just a plain ok’ hoodie, right? No significance whatsoever. Or so we all thought.

Two years after their return, Winry is seen wearing the same hoodie when she sees Edward off to the West (in both Brotherhood and manga!). Now, why would a simple friend have possession of your hoodie? Sure, people share clothing all of the time, but it carries a much deeper meaning when both parties have feelings for each other.

Winry had this hoodie before Ed’s awkward marriage proposal, not after, and while this may be the only canon scene we see her in it, the artists for Brotherhood drew Winry in the hoodie at an earlier time.

Notice how Ed’s and Al’s outfits are different from what we see them in in their final scenes. (Note: It’s easy to argue that Al’s outfit is the same, but he actually lacks the tie he wears in his final scene!) The trio seem to be headed for Trisha’s grave, hence the flowers and the cemetery in the background. Winry is seen in that same hoodie she wears at the train station, and the same hoodie Edward wore home. While her outfit is not different whatsoever from the train station (lazy artists, maybe?) this artwork clearly takes place prior to the seeing the brothers’ off on their journeys. She’s also seen carrying a basket, presumably with apple pie, as the basket has made appearances in other Brotherhood art. It’s clear the trio plan to stay out for awhile, which leads me to doubt that even Alphonse is headed out in this day.

Can we also take notice of the heel on Winry’s shoes? She’s clearly shorter than Ed by a lot. Guess she just can’t handle it.

When you have feelings for someone, you don’t just hand them your hoodie for fun. The boyfriend hoodie, as I’ve dubbed it, is a common thing seen in various types of media. When in a relationship, the other party steals their partner’s hoodie and wears it proudly, even if it’s a bit too big for them (also seen in the manga, as the sleeves reach well past the middle of Winry’s hands). Do you really think Edward would let her steal the hoodie he came home in if they were still just friends? He would freak out to some degree and snatch it back. It’s a different story if the two of them are in a relationship.

With how awkward this boy is, there is no way in hell he let two years go by without confessing, only to propose out of the blue before leaving. While the proposal itself was awkward, what proposal isn’t? Rings are dropped, words are jumbled… Nerves get the better of both parties, and that’s what happened here. It wasn’t a confession of feelings, either. When you tell someone you like them (or love) do you ask for half of their life in return for half of yours? Edward was behaving like anyone would when proposing marriage—even if the love you share with your partner is indestructible, there is always that anxiety nagging you in the back of your mind. What if they say no? What if this is too soon? What if I mess up? What if, what if, what if…

In the timeline provided by Arakawa, Edward leaves for the west in 1917. He also marries Winry in the same year. Again, had the proposal been the beginning of their relationship, I just don’t see them marrying so quickly. Edward most likely returned home after a short stint in the western countries, having his fill of traveling, missing his fiancée more than anything. He rushed back home (within six months is my guess) and neither could wait to start their lives together. They’d been together for two years at that point, and lived without making their feelings known for years. I don’t blame them for rushing into their marriage; it’s actually quite cute to think about! But I fail to understand the idea that Ed and Winry kept their feelings for each other under wraps under the same roof for two entire years. Not to mention, Alphonse and Pinako had to have teased the ever-loving hell out of the two of them. There was no way possible they endured two years of that, mixed with awkward, sexually tense encounters.

#edward elric #winry rockbell #edwin #fma #fullmetal alchemist #fmab #edward x winry #edward/winry #meta #my meta #this is my first meta btw pls go easy on me #holy shit

182 notes · View notes

beyoncesdragon · 4 years

Text

The disappointing Gender

Pairing: Bestfriend!Ashton x Reader

Warnings: shit ton of cursing, dont worry I love men, but women are just easier at times. Based on a real story, that shit really happened to me.

Summary: Some men are just straight up trash. And what’s better than to vent about them to your willingly listening best friend Ashton.

My Masterlist 🦋

(Gif credits: @ghostofmashton)

“I don’t know exactly what goes through your mind when deciding to finally peel your limp body out of your comfy sheets, go through the usually long, self-esteem-damaging process of “getting ready”, find an outfit you would feel comfortable but not underdressed in and then leave for a party. Let me be honest, I mostly think: at least let it be worth all this. And then maybe something like; maybe I’ll meet someone. “Someone” carefully and fully on purpose undefined because you don’t want to get your hopes up and then be disappointed. But “someone” secretly being a guy, optionally a boyfriend even, but just maybe.

“However, now you are at that party, ready to meet new people and you take a look around. You see many people; some you think are pretty in your eyes some aren’t. But that’s okay, that’s only natural. So then after a time, when you have met a few girls you get along with, you spot the “someone”. And your friends somehow knew about him and all that bullshit and tell you the teeniest bit of bloody information alright? And he, on top of that, seems to be interested, keep that in mind.”

I stopped for a second, taking a gulp of my water. The few ice cubes clicked softly against the glass when I placed it back down.

“Alright. Now, you chat with him, all friendly funny business, you develop a sort of insider joke. It’s funny and you think wow, it isn’t all that difficult to talk to boys, amazing. Eventually, you also had a few, and I don’t want to say advantageously but it does help.”

A giggle fell from my bestfriends lips, but I decided to just keep going. “I will again be honest, I was a bit…inebriated if I may say so and if you would want to take me as an example. However, maybe you flirt for a while, and it really all goes well, so well that you would’ve started to become suspicious, since it was you after all. Continuing, because you’re bloody sloshed, you don’t suspect anything, even though if you would’ve just listened closely you could’ve totally heard fate snigger.”

I earned an amused hum from Ashton for that, picking up my glass again. “Further on, one of your new friends disappears with a guy and it’s okay for you but not for her friend whom you also are friends with now. That, because the other girl actually does have a guy eventually. But she isn’t sure. So you go get her, and you sit down with the girls outside to have a chat. Because it’s important that she still has a good night and so on. During that amount of time, you selflessly neglect your guy. Not that he is your guy in reality, but you secretly might have planned on making him your guy.” After a big gulp I placed my glass back down again, the ice now almost completely molten.

“Suddenly, that bloke walks out, raising a single hand at you as an obvious goodbye. And you sit here, startled and a bit dumbfounded because what the fuck is he leaving already. Quick note; it was hardly midnight, the clock stroke twelve maybe two minutes ago. So you get up, approach him and ask, why in the love of Jesus effing Christ he’s leaving already. His response; well. He hasn’t been blessed with the best of experience with women.”

And annoyed frown settled on my face. “I mean what kind of excuse is that? I haven’t only met them good guys either, but do you see me acting like an antisocial scaredy-cat? Nope sir, because I am not that superficial, and you shouldn’t be as well because I am not “women”. Also, have I mentioned that my friends told me, that he was total slag, like a fuckboy freshly bred. Best experience with women my fucking ass. However, back to my example; you then are still a bit startled because he slips that he has been cheated on and all that godforsaken crap. And in your woozy, naturally kind-hearted state you are in, you do feel sorry and possibly even apologise for being so bold. Also, because you don’t want him to think bad of you, he is very attractive after all and you have not given up your hopes just yet.”

A grin had now settled on Ash’s lips, as he leaned back with his drink, the attention still fully with me. “Then he says something like; but it was nice to meet you, and asks you to say your name again, and you do so. Naturally you do ask him the same thing…and you may have forgotten the name already.” I added with a frown, desperately trying to remember. “Something with F and it sounded French or such. Don’t know, not important anyways. Just like his existence.”

At that, Ashton laughed out loud, but wisely keeping quiet. “Yeah you just laugh…however, he then throws that horrid line; we’ll see each other again yeah?

At you, and you might think cool. But how for the love of fuck, since you don’t have anything except for a name. So the thing you do then is, you scrap all of your…I don’t know confidence from off the bottom of your rotten self and ask, if he wants to at least give you his snapchat.” Ash let out a whistle but I waved him off.

“I’m not done yet. So you ask. And he just ignores your question somehow, can’t really remember how. The whole time he’s walking away from you backwards, I guess towards the busstation and you have to follow him like damn mongrel…however. You end up leaving it be and sprinting back to your friends telling them what happened. Because they “know” him, they know his Instagram, so you decide to follow him. But he is on private so you got to send a request. Done with a few clicks, in approximately ten seconds. So now he is gone, you feel disappointment bubbling up, because fuck.”

Ash nodded slowly, looking up at me since I got up impatiently from his couch. “Sounds fun?” he said in a more or less questioning manner and I shot him a dark look.

“Buzz off twat, the best part’s only coming.” Ash rose an eyebrow, leaning back expectantly again. “Next morning you go and check your Instagram, somehow curious if he accepted your request and what do you see? He fucking declined it! This bloody wanker skipped my music, stole my attention and wasted my fucking time, four hours of it!” Ashton broke out in a fit of laughter, nearly spilling his drink.

“Comedy at its finest, certificated gold. Platinum even. Oh Jesus Christ. And that all has obviously not happened to you, you just purposely told it like it did right?” I huffed annoyed, dropping down again. “Never, as if stuff like this would ever happen to me. I mean, I totally understand mankind, it’s just that you can’t fucking use any of them.” Ash giggled, a dopey grin on his face.

“Come again?” I rolled my eyes. “I said, that you can’t fucking use any of you gentlemen. Men are so disappointing, like get a grip on yourselves honestly.” Ash grinned, nudging me with his foot. “Haven’t you just said that he should stop being superficial because of one woman?” he teased and I gave him an angry glare.

“Cheating and just generally being international disappointments is something else. I slowly start to believe that you guys are just born with that twat-gene. It’s almost not your fault. It’s probably the Y-chromosome, would explain why women aren’t like you guys.” Ash shot me an amused grin.

“I don’t know if I would surprise you saying that the explanation why men and women aren’t the same accurately is rooted in our genes. To be specific, it’s even a matter of just those two chromosome, the X-chromosome and the Y-chromosome…” I groaned annoyed, aiming a pillow at his head. I missed, but the message was clear.

“Smart-alecky dimwit, get off my back. I need emotional support, because member belonging to your sex has wasted my time and, in addition to that, ruined your all’s reputation.” Ash just hummed amused.

“Is that so.” I nodded, pouting bolshie. “Then I suggest, you listen to Ariana Grande’s Thank u Next and some Beyoncé, maybe also Rihanna. They’ll support your idea of men being trash immediately I am sure.” I flipped him off immediately, even though he had brought up a good point.

“I am kidding sweetheart. I know men can be idiots, but so can you females.” I couldn’t help but throw him a derisive look “Yes, males and females can be difficult at times.” I mocked him and he just shot me a lopsided grin. “Now you get off my back, annoying brat. But you are over him?” I shrugged.

“I mean, I was never actively involved with him, so I guess?” he nodded softly. “Venting felt good?” I nodded quickly. “Always does. Thanks bud.” He smiled warmly at me. “Everything for my best friend. Mind if I quickly call Kaitlin…” as he saw my face he immediately rolled his eyes. “Oh your little girlfriend huh? Young Irwin’s a little whipped?” giving me the finger he got up and grabbed his phone. “Shut up. I’m right back you bitter prick.”

I laughed sitting up again. “I am not bitter, I am happy for you Ash. Furthermore, I don’t have any problems with taken people or relationships. The problems I have, start when selfish and inconsiderate assholes rub in the fact that they have someone, and start gushing about them. When I, as an admittedly slowly bitter, but independent single person, couldn’t give a shit or two.” Ash grinned at me, shaking his head slightly. “I love you, you madwoman. Also, I am sure you’ll find your guy and we can do all those disgustingly cute things best friends do when they both are in relationships.”

I scrunched my nose. “Like what? Double-dates? In this case, I’d rather stay single Irwin, and now get lost you need to call your babygirl or whatever. Our ice cream is melting and our friends-day is not over yet. So you better hurry your red-dyed, slicked back visage up.” I responded harshly but with a loving lilt to it.

“On my way, woman. Love you, don’t eat my ice cream.” I just huffed, waving him off quickly. “Love you too, you ashy bitch.” I then almost choked on my water when I saw his expression at my words. He grinned and shook his head, pressing his phone against his ear.

35 notes · View notes

alexisluthor · 4 years

Text

Observations about Prodigal Son’s ep., “Eye of the Needle” *SERIOUS SPOILERS*

(Okay, so this is random, but when Martin said “one swift strike and it’s done,” I could totally hear his hidden Welsh-ness...) When Mal asks him why he couldn’t kill him and Martin answers, “because you’re my son...” the way he answered it was WAYYYYY more like a question than a statement. Which is...fascinating...very fascinating. And then he asks, “could you kill me?” and of course Malcolm answers ‘no.’ But there’s obviously something more hidden behind those words and for a split second, you can catch it, and catch Martin catching it. o_0 And the *PRIDE* that Martin exhibits when he realizes this....that his son may be capable of following in his murderous footsteps? AHHH! This begs the question...is Malcolm capable of murder? Does he have the same wiring as his dad but he just shoves it down? He certainly got pleasure out of chopping that dude’s hand off in the first ep. He’s certainly fascinated by, and obsessed with, death/murder, he just goes about exorcising his obsession in a different way than Martin.

It’s also interesting to note that Malcolm has said in the past that stabbing with a knife has some...Freudian undertones...ala penetration. One of my amazing and genius Discord friends (not sarcasm) points out that Malcolm has also had moments in which he had fantasized/hallucinated about stabbing himself. Maybe he wishes for the ability to...penetraite...his own mind. To fix what’s broken. But he can’t seem to do it. He’s disconnected from himself, as can be seen in his dissociative episodes. And then we have this episode where Malcolm literally stabs Martin (... make of that what you will...). It’s an assertion of dominance, (granted he had to be goaded into it).

The show has already shown that Malcolm has self-destructive tendencies. I don’t think he’s actively trying commit suicide, but rather that his subconscious seeks a respite from his torture. Pain - physical pain, or imminent danger, provides a distraction from his reality and gets him out of his own head. As he prepares to plunge the knife into Martin, his hand doesn’t shake, his resolve doesn’t waver. Martin points this out and unveils a ‘truth’ to Malcolm, that I believe Malcolm already knows: he’s capable of doing heinous things.

In many ways, his father still pulls the strings in Malcolm’s life. Even by running from his past, changing his name, he has to acknowledge the past. It’s notable that even to be able to stab his father he first has to ask him permission... “are you sure?”

But, one might ask, why would Martin consent to being stabbed? Well, before being stabbed, he references the man who stabbed the officer with the pencil and how it narrowly missed his heart. He's asking to be stabbed, offering Malcolm a way to 'kill' him without really killing him. Still, it's a risk. Like threading a needle... So why do it at all? The answer is it’s because he’s a textbook narcissist. He can accomplish three things at once by allowing his son to stab him. First of all, if Malcolm err's and he dies, he has succeeded in turning his son into the killer he wants him to be. Malcolm talks Jessica down by telling her that she’s nothing like Martin, she’s not a killer. And yet, he has no qualms about taking the knife? Is he, in effect, admitting that he is a monster like his father? Secondly, if Martin does die, he gets to live forever through Malcolm. He will forever be in his psyche, in his nightmares, indelibly written into his soul because of this act that the profiler will never be able to move past or recover from. Thirdly, by putting himself on the “chopping block,” Martin gets to play the martyr as pointed out in the episode. In a roundabout way, he is also ‘giving’ something to his family. An atonement of sorts; the ending of the suffering of his wife who is being mentally held hostage by the killer. The act is the most selflessly selfish thing he could possibly do. A complex contradiction that personifies his character.

You can see the moment Martin considers it…chooses to lie and tell his son that he had planned to kill him. It’s an obvious lie, goading him into the act of stabbing him. He watches Malcolm’s face fall and follows it quickly with an… “I couldn’t go through with it,” because (I believe) that he can scarcely stand the idea of his son believing it. But I sincerely think it was never Martin’s intent to kill his son. He prizes him above all else. I think that the Junkyard Killer probably wanted to test kid Malcolm’s mettle and attacked him and Malcolm simply fought back - hence the stab wound. Martin is far too narcissistic to kill his son. He made his son. He had aspirations of his son being like him. Malcolm is his legacy. He wouldn’t snuff that out, even if it meant getting pinched. It's a theme reflected in the beginning when Mal asks the doc why he wouldn't kill him. "Because you're my son," he answers. But his tone is odd...the inflection making it a question more than a statement. He doesn't say, 'because it would be wrong,' or, 'because I love you.' But -essentially - because you're mine. You belong to me.

How much of this 'stabbing' was incidental? One Tumblr genius also pointed out that the "weapon" given was ceramic. The ep started with Martin making a clay sculpture - of himself (narcissistic tendencies). Ceramic is a typical/critical tool used to mold and shape. How much has this one action Malcolm undertaken now shaped Malcolm and Martin's life? Is becoming violent a way for Mal to regain control, or another means for his father to take it? Even if Malcolm thinks this decision was his own - it wasn't. It was orchestrated by Martin. The margin for error is so slim....if Malcolm screwed it up, his father would be gone - but his sanity would likely follow.

Then there's the question of how this will be dealt with... If Jess or Mal take the blame, they could face serious consequences. If Malcolm lost his job (or even his access to Martin), his sanity would snap. So it would make the most sense for her to admit to the purse and instructions but say that Malcolm had talked her out of it. He took the weapon, and in an instant - Martin made a grab for the weapon. They fought. Struggled over it. And he 'accidentally' stabbed Martin. That way, neither he nor Jessica get in trouble. The blame is on Martin, who is already doing time. That's how I'd do it as a writer, but that's just my two cents. It would seem insane for them to justify what happened by saying - oh, he had to be stabbed to flush out the killer. And what? Save his next victim? Jessica did what the killer wanted the first time and he still killed. There was no guarantee that her actions would prevent another senseless death. The scheme is insane and is more of a way for Malcolm to play wit his demons than an attempt to save the hostage. Undoubtedly though, the action will have severe consequences on Malcolm's psyche.

That is all. Thank you for attending my TEDtalk.

(Also, raise your hand if you were sure that the stabbing was a hallucination for a solid commercial break...)

#long post #prodigal son #malcolm bright #Martin Whitley #jessica whitley #gil arroyo #PS #prodigal son spoilers #spoilers #malcolm whitley

86 notes · View notes

darrowsrising · 4 years

Note

what do you think of Virginia's views on Darrow? and how they differ from the way Darrow looks at his wife? ps. a difficult question to formulate, I hope you still understand it

Thank you for the ask! Yeah, I got what you mean.

I have talked about it in various asks, but not in detail. I think I mostly paraphrased Pierce Brown - he said in HowlerPod ep. 31 that the Virginia we see is the one Darrow projects through his unreliable perspective, but unreliable only because he loves her. He also said that she is a cypher, an enygma, she has never been explained.

So in tackling her voice and doing her justice (which he totally did, he often said she's the hardest to write, but damn, his growth as a writer? 💖💖💖) he had to think of Mustang as: how Darrow's sees her, the expectations of Mustang and how Mustang sees herself. She is smart enough to know there is a dissonance between what people think of her and what she thinks of herself and she takes that into consideration. While Darrow doesn't give a fuck what people think, she does.

And that is because she tries to find a balance between what she was taught, what was ingrained into her and the circumstances she faces. Pierce says that the lessons her father taught her are contradictory, because he fell to his own whims, he broke his own rules.

But getting back to the question, Mustang loves Darrow with all his flaws. He loves him even when he is one stubborn arse, even when he tries to not involve her and take all the blame, all the bad upon himself. She loves his heart and all its complications and contradictions.

Darrow, even when he doesn't agree with Virginia, he never speaks of her flaws, because he doesn't consider them flaws. He respects her stances and her convictions even when they are so very different from his own, because they have the same goal.

Eg: Orion wasn't being disrespectful towards Virginia in Dark Age, she just felt like demokracy was wrong and Virginia was wrong to insist on it (she just thought that demokracy is to blame and by default, its supporters), but even though Darrow didn't like demokracy either, he never felt like Virginia was wrong or to blame for anything, he felt she always did her best, always sacrificed and compromised and made hard calls for the greater good of people who never appreciate it - so, not to blame. He might not like how slow everything is and how idiotic and desensitized the Senate is, but he never thought Virginia was to blame.

Darrow learnt to love selflessly, he loves Virginia in an intense, tender and beautiful way, we see it plainly - 'my wife isn't as fickle as a flame / she is an ocean / I knew from the start that I cannot own her, cannot tame her / but I am the only storm that stirs her tides and that is more than enough...'

She is not the axis upon his life spins, not the sun he gravitates around. She is an ocean and he is her only storm.

That being said, he still tends to idolize his love. Because he is drama queen, but also because that's the way he loves romantically. He is not doing it in a harmful way anymore - he was obviously a shell of himself after seeing that holo, but he didn't try to get revenge or kill himself - he doesn't make her his entire world.

That is never fair, yet it happens often - men who never learnt to open up, to be vulnerable find a girl that can handle their emotional baggage and they put her on a pedestal and when she fails to always be on that pedestal, their entire world shatters - you don't make another person your entire world, because it is not fair. And Darrow was raised in a patriarchal society where men were always expected to provide, to be strong and so on, even his father told him to not shed tears before he died; his mum beat him to cry.

Getting back to the point, Darrow is obviouly past that teenage, all-consuming love that seems endless, but burns out fast. Yet he still sees Virginia as his life - because there is no actual life for him without her, as he himself says. For him Virginia is his love, his life, his wife. He feels honored to be with her, she is the mother his child, they can be actual planets between them and they still love each other. But for Darrow, Virginia's mistakes were never flaws to him, if that makes sense. He does put her on a pedestal, but one she sits on comfortably, even when they diagree even when there are many things that separate them, even when love is not enough and duty calls. He is not putting expectations on her, he just loves her. He is not selfish in his love, he is not possesive or obssessed. He is tender and understanding - he will never blame her for not coming to his rescue or that she failed to rescue Sevro, he will actually refuse to let her blame herself for not seeing through the clone's game before it was too late and every other consequence that came after.

He knows she can handle herself, but he still wants to protect her from all the bad things in the worlds.

Darrow loves Virginia like I love Darrow, lol. I don't necessarily see his flaws as bad things, you see.

Hope I am making some sense.

Virginia loves him intensily too. In order to handle everything, she tries not to think of him often, so as to not get distracted, because she gets overwhelmed with all the other emotions besides love - guilt, longing etc. But she is as smitten with him as he is and as they both were ever since young.

When she said 'The measure of a man is not the fear he sows in his enemies. It is the hope he gives his friends.' she was talking about Darrow. That is what she loves about him - he is a good man. All the bullshit, the violence, the terror, the war, the myth - Darrow is a good man who dreams of a world where he can wake up next to his family everyday and not worry about enemies coming to slaughter them.

I think that they both love each other equally and they love each other for who they really are. It's just that Darrow's rose-gold eyes (yes, he has rose-gold eyes, don't argue with me) sees Virginia as rose-golden too, but not in an unrealistic way, if that makes sense. He is not being unfair, she is being herself and all he sees is his love, his life, his wife. Even after she called the Wardens - he is under no illusion that she is perfect - but he loves her so much her flaws seem so insignificant for him. He was not mad at all that she called the Wardens, he underatood why she did it. And even though she thought his rogue quest wrong, she understood him and even came to admit he was right.

I think it's because Virginia is more mindful of how people see her and she extends that to other people too, while still trying to be a fair judge of character. It hurts her that Darrow is seen like some traitor to his own people, that they don't think he is a Red anymore, but she also knew where they are coming from, why they act like he betrayed them. Darrow doesn't give a fuck about what others think, he knows how Virginia is and that suffices.

That and it's also the fact that Virginia is more rational, she has a hard time trying to connect with her heart first. Her brain is faster than her heart, while Darrow is a man of actions and those come from his heart.

Hope I am making sense.

Howl on!

#red rising trilogy #iron gold trilogy #darrow of lykos #darrow au andromedus #reaper #virginia au augustus #mustang #sovereign of the solar republic #lionheart #reaper x mustang

18 notes · View notes

ilikecowsnstuff · 4 years

Text

SECOND CHAPTER NOW UP!

For AO3 - Click Here

For FanFiction - Click Here

SUMMARY: UA Hero Course - Third Year. Shigaraki Tomura and Dabi have been classmates and rivals since their very first day at UA. But with new feelings developing how will they cope given their history of fragile and often violent encounters? Their dance begins after a partnered training exam goes wrong, leaving Shigaraki wounded and Dabi feeling guilty. AU.

=========================

CHAPTER TWO - AFTER CARE

It turns out, there is not a whole lot anyone can do for a broken rib and Shigaraki was destined to suffer through any related discomfort. For a few days anyway. Recovery Girl was the only soul who could instantly repair Shigaraki’s more serious injuries and she had been called away for an emergency. Pro Hero’s were a priority. Obviously.

After a careful and thorough examination, to which Dabi paid very close attention to, the nurse had cleaned Shigaraki’s wounds and patched him up as best she could. Rest was what he needed now, and healing would come with time. That was all she could do, she released him from her care.

Dabi was not so satisfied with the nurse’s final prescription though. Rest and two aspirin? That was almost laughable. The poor kid had broken bones! Of course, she could neither confirm or deny that, because she wasn’t a doctor, and suggested that only an x-ray would make it certain. But being who he was, Shigaraki stubbornly declined going to a Hospital for an actual physical citing that it was “a waste of his time,” especially if there wasn’t anything they could do for him.

Dabi, on the other hand didn’t think a hospital was a bad idea, he was one-hundred percent sure Shigaraki had broken something. Not only did his friend look exceptionally sour, more so than usual, but Dabi could also see pain reflected in his eyes - he was doing an extremely good job at hiding it but Dabi could tell that he was uncomfortable. Heck, even the surface wounds looked… ugly; long red scratches ran across his midsection, and darkening purple bruises framed them, spreading outwards like storm clouds rolling in.

Dabi cringed every time he thought about the accident, and his stomach immediately knotted up with guilt. Seeing the injuries only made him feel more nauseous. It could have been him. Yet, Shigaraki had selflessly sacrificed his own body to save him from that very fate - pushing Dabi away from the threat and into the clear just as the combat robot stomped its enormous metal foot down. It was Dabi’s fault. Shigaraki had been injured because of his own selfishness. He had screwed up, veering from a plan that guaranteed success just so he could prove to everyone that his quirk was strong in its own right, that he didn’t need to live in Shigaraki’s shadow to win. He wanted everyone to see what he was capable of and it had backfired terribly. If anything, it cemented the fact that Shigaraki was a superior hero because even in the midst of a disaster, and with the threat of death literally bearing down onto him, Shigaraki had still managed to fight back and win.

Dabi scrubbed his hands roughly over his face before pushing his fingers through his hair. He felt something akin to regret and shame stab him directly in the heart. Shigaraki, who never gave Dabi the time of the day, had acted heroically and saved him!

Did he care about Dabi? Or was it just instinctual?

Dabi knew he cared about Shigaraki, oh how he did he care! Despite how it may have come across or what anyone thought for that matter, he had a major soft spot for the boy with the bluish grey locks. He would even go as far as saying he had a crush on Shigaraki and maybe, just maybe, he had broken ranks and acted on his own simply to show off to Shigaraki and to gain the boys attention.

Of course, none of this he would admit to it out loud. He had a pretense to maintain - one that everyone seemed to be attracted too… except for Shigaraki that was.

Even right after the incident, he tried to move on - cool, calm, collected - and pretend that the accident was just a little accident, no big deal. A couple of hours would pass and then everything would return to ordinary life at UA. But when Shigaraki didn’t return for any of the following morning classes, Dabi knew this was bigger than just a little mistake.

It nagged him all morning, until the guilt forced him to the infirmary instead of the cafeteria for lunch. Yeah, it had been his choice to check in Shigaraki - not a teacher, not another student - not anyone or anything else but his own berating self-conscious. He needed to… make things right with Shigaraki. Or at least help in any way he could.

A sharp grunt of pain caught Dabi’s attention, bringing him out of his own head and away from his remorseful thoughts.

Shigaraki was now standing and attempting to get his shirt back on without jostling his body too much. The nurse had released him from her care.

“No, that would not do.” Dabi thought silently, narrowing his eyes.

“Don’t move.” He pointed at Shigaraki as he hopped off the adjacent bed he had been lounging on and crossed the short distance to approach the nurse. The stare he earned in return from the boy was nastier than death.

“Aren’t you going to give him something for the pain?” Dabi questioned, getting right into the lady’s personal space.

She shrunk away, hugging the clipboard she had been scribbling on to her chest, “I’m not really auth…”

Dabi immediately cut her off, interrupting her train of thought, though the routine was done with a grin, “You can’t let him go like this.”

“Yes, she can. And I’m going,” Shigaraki interjected, his patience had worn thin. Dabi understood why, he wanted to get out of there after being cooped up for so many hours, but this wasn’t right.

“I said don’t move.” Dabi reiterated, firmly.

After some additional smooth and charismatic badgering from Dabi, the nurse eventually agreed to prescribe her patient something a little stronger than aspirin. Though it was with a certain amount of reluctance.

With pink flushed cheeks, she disappeared and then reappeared, a syringe in one hand and a small pill bottle in the other. She didn’t say anything as she carefully sat Shigaraki back down on the edge of the cot and prepared his arm for an injection. She repeatedly glanced at Dabi from the corner of her eye while she worked.

“Ow.” Shigaraki snapped when he was stabbed in the arm with the needle.

Dabi smirked. “You’re welcome.”

“Shut up!” Shigaraki barked back.

“Are you also injured?” The nurse inquired, searching Dabi’s face openly now. It was hard to tell with all the scars and the stitching, or maybe she was just enjoying the view, an excuse to admire his unconventional good looks. It seemed to be the case, and Dabi was eating up the reverence.

“Not a scratch.” He replied, smug.

“Asshole,” Shigaraki muttered under his breath, frantically scratching at his arm where the needle had pierced his skin.

“You have blood on your mouth.” The nurse added, ignoring the boys childish banter, still focusing on Dabi.

“It’s not mine,” Dabi assured, shifting his gaze, and being absolutely delighted when Shigaraki’s face inflamed with heat. The sloppy kiss they had shared earlier was still fresh in both of their minds.

She raised a curious brow and then snapped off her latex gloves, tossing them in a nearby garbage can. “I’m done here. Your friend will probably need some help getting back to the dorms. I administered a pretty strong painkiller.”

“We’re not friends,” Shigaraki immediately put in, his words slurring suddenly. He blinked. And blinked again. His eyes were not focusing properly, and the world around him was becoming a blurry haze. He frowned and pressed the palm of his hand to his temple attempting to rub away the fog that was settling over mind.

Dabi eyed Shigaraki with curiosity, picking up on his classmates’ abrupt change in disposition. “I’ll get him back to his room. Don’t worry.” The corner of his mouth kicked up into an amused grin. Those drugs worked fast...

The nurse thrust a bottle of pills into Dabi’s hand, “These are for later. They’re not as strong as what I just gave him, but they’ll help manage the pain. And ah, you didn’t get these from me.”

“Get what?” Dabi grinned. He offered the nurse a wink and then stuffed the pills in his pocket out of sight.

More blushing ensued, she coughed to clear her throat and added, “Just make sure he gets some rest. That’s what he needs right now.”

“Got it,” Dabi nodded.

The nurse bowed her head in return, flicked her gaze over to Shigaraki then back to Dabi before exiting the room, leaving the two boys alone.

“Okay, Mop head, let’s go. I’ll tuck you in.”

Silence.

Dabi swore he heard crickets.

“Shigaraki?” Again, nothing.

Now, this was highly unusual. Usually Dabi would have been met with a snappy response from Shigaraki - he was the king of the smart mouths after all - but this time, nothing. Dabi was almost concerned, though, it did appear Shigaraki was not all completely there any longer. He seemed to be having a hard time processing where he was and what he was doing.

Dabi touched his friends forearm, before drawing his hand back immediately, encouraging Shigaraki to start walking with him, “Let’s go.”

Shigaraki managed a nod, but remained silent, and followed Dabi’s lead whilst anxiously scratching at his neck. He felt… off. Groggy and unbalanced, yet the pain in his side was decreasing and becoming duller.

They slowly made their way back to the dorms, Shigaraki moving at a much slower pace then normal as he tried to concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other. Dabi kept glancing over at his classmate, biting back a grin as he watched the internal struggle of walking while buzzed.

“You okay, Mop Head?” Dabi asked.

Shigaraki was not at all pleased, and he flipped Dabi off, scowling, before he stumbled over his own two feet… on a flat surface.

Dabi reacted immediately, reaching out to Shigaraki to save him falling flat on his face. “Careful,” Dabi cautioned, his arm tentatively sliding around Shigaraki’s waist. Dabi braced himself for retaliation, Shigaraki didn’t like to be touched and usually made it quite clear vocally and physically, but surprisingly, there were no angry outbursts or protests of threats of death. Instead, the other boy leaned into Dabi for support.

To say Dabi was thrilled by this new development was an understatement. He was actually holding Shigaraki! Whatever painkiller that nurse had injected into Shigaraki had pacified his usual contentiousness and softened out his perpetually annoyed expression and furrowed brow. Dabi knew that this wasn’t the most appropriate to be celebrating, considering Shigaraki was still injured, but he couldn’t stop smiling.

His crush, who was normally this angry, kind of feral, gremlin boy who didn’t like to be touched was now putty in his hands. Placid even. A model student who had no objections when Dabi laid him down onto his bed - instead of returning Shigaraki to his own dorm room.

“Hmph.” Shigaraki grunted as he hit the mattress, “Ouch.”

“Sorry, sorry.” Dabi apologized, more careful now as he removed Shigaraki’s dirty sneakers. They dropped to the floor, each one with a loud thud. “You know, I never in a million years thought I'd ever get you into my bed,” Dabi admitted, and then carefully maneuvered his friend higher up on the mattress until his head hit the pillow.

“Go away,” Shigaraki mumbled angrily in return, curling up and trying to nestle his face into the pillow.

“Shhh,” Dabi whispered, brushing thick locks of blue-grey hair away from Shigaraki’s forehead. He didn’t get much in return from the other boy, but his brow did furrow, and he tipped his head further away from Dabi’s hand.

This wasn’t exactly how Dabi imagined their first time in bed together was going to be like, but he would take it.

“Mop Head,” Dabi snapped his fingers in front of Shigaraki’s face, earning him a scowl in return. Shigaraki twisted his head, staring back at him. His eyes were glassy and half-lidded with large dilated pupils. They almost sparkled under the light of the room. “How high are you?”

“Get out of my room!” Shigaraki barked back, and then sunk his face back into the pillow.

Dabi snickered. “Okay.” Shigaraki was well and truly tanked. He had absolutely no idea where he was, and his voice, though Dabi could tell he was agitated it just didn’t have the same threatening bite that it usually did. And the retort was there, on the tip of his tongue. Unfortunately, Dabi was staring at the angry line of Shigaraki’s mouth, finding it very appealing even then, and he forgot his snappy reply.

Instead, Dabi leaned over, swooping in on his friend and claiming his mouth in a hard kiss. He grabbed at Shigaraki’s messy hair, curling his fingers around the thick locks near the roots to make sure Shigaraki wasn’t going to pull away.

Shigaraki responded with a gasp, pushing at Dabi, trying to dislodge him. But there wasn’t much force behind the gesture at all. Dabi tolerated the shoving hands for a few seconds, before Shigaraki’s fingers twitched, like he was going to defend himself from Dabi’s advances but instead his hands curled in on his shirt in resignation, unconsciously tugging him closer.

A deep groan rumbled within the chasm of Dabi’s broad chest until he was leaning his body closer to Shigaraki’s. His tongue slipped inside the other boys’ mouth, and Shigaraki matched Dabi’s sounds of pleasure.

When they broke off ten seconds later, gasping for breath, Shigaraki held a shaky hand up. He was not thinking clearly, his head full of confusion.

“Stop.”

“Why? Don’t you want this?” Dabi moved in for another kiss.

Shigaraki’s cheeks flushed, he refused to answer, stopping Dabi’s downward descent.

“You can do whatever you want to me. I don’t care. Scratch me, dig your nails in, bite me.” Dabi explained in a low, appealing voice - assuming Shigaraki might have some anger he wanted to work through. “Just as long as you kiss me.”

“What?” Shigaraki scowled, his brow knitting tight together. The way Dabi was talking… this was making him feel more than uneasy.

Dabi lifted a hand to cup Shigaraki’s cheek, and he brushed the pad of his thumb slowly back and forth. Shigaraki blinked and Dabi raised his free hand, swiping the light hair away from Shigaraki’s eyes.

What was this?

“I don’t want to hurt you, idiot.” Shigaraki finally admitted. Maybe it was just the drugs talking but it felt genuine.

“Okay,” Dabi said with a faint smile, fingertips sliding down Shigaraki’s cheek, enjoying the soft skin - the absence of stubble along his jawline.

Shigaraki shivered, and his eyes fluttered closed.

Curling his fingers beneath the boys’ chin, Dabi slowly lowered his head, reclaiming Shigaraki’s full lips again. He kissed the other boy tenderly; raw with emotion and need. Words could not accurately describe just how intoxicating a kiss like that could be. It was filled with fear and excitement, it was a kiss that could break everything, it was a kiss that could mend. But there was a volatility to the sweetness of that kiss. A threat.

This time, Shigaraki didn’t fight it. He softened beneath Dabi’s mouth with a sound that started out like a sigh, and then turned into a strangled moan. There was a dip in the mattress, Dabi set his knee on the bed right next to Shigaraki’s thigh, a bold move to get even closer as they kissed.

For a moment, at least, any animosity between them was forgotten.

But for how long?

17 notes · View notes

trainedhard · 5 years

Text

[ CHARACTER STUDY; SAITAMA & HEROISM ]

SO I’ve got a lot of feelings on how Saitama’s dreams of being a hero ended up, so... yeehaw, fellas. Get ready for a BIG OL JUMBLE OF THOUGHTS.

So first off. Let’s talk hero-in-training Saitama. Now I know in canon that he shows little to no actual sustained injuries from fighting, but like... he wasn’t indestructable from the get go. Before he got his bizarre, god-like invincible body, he was just a guy who thought of himself as weak and utterly useless. Even through training and serious injuries, he’d just laugh it off and say it was nothing. Even though he would get INTERNAL BLEEDING and so many heavy injuries, he still saved people with a smile.. all bc he wanted to. Of course, that all changed since his training, but.. here’s all my thoughts in a collective ramble.

could you imagine how much it'd suck to be saitama? imagine wishing your entire life you could be a hero. you knew it was childish, but you still clung onto that dream. youre forced to give it up and when you do, life becomes a living hell for you. you grow to inability to keep a job (though i have my own explanation and backstory about this in my about....) and when you get the chance to be a hero a fiery passion ignites in you.you've been weak and a miserable excuse of a person, in your own eyes, for your entire life up until this point. you train vigourously, become the hero you want to be NOT because of selfish reasons, just because you want toyou finally get to be the strongest in the universe, and when you finally, finally do, and you still just. wanna be a hero because there needs to be non selfish heroes. everyone. fucking. hates you.

you're treated with no respect, you're booed almost to the point of quitting heroism., everyone thinks you're a fucking joke and calls you a joke name of Caped Baldy / Bald Cape to rub salt in the wounds. He was SO fucking excited when he found out he could register to be a licensed hero, but all the H.A. gave him was corruption, negligence, and a lot of “newbie crushing” ASSHOLES. They all seem to think of Saitama as someone who can be walked over, or easily crushed; but of course, Saitama doesn’t let this really get to him.

HE JUST WANTED SOMEONE. ANYONE. TO APPRECIATE WHAT HE WAS DOING FOR THE PEOPLE OUT THERE! but nobody ever believes him, nodody ever treats him kind except genos and MAYBE fubuki & bangeveryone tells him to give up being a hero because he's shit at it, because he SAVED THEIR LIVES but it cost the city. no lives were even lost that day when the meteor struck, and seeing how much everyone took him for granted, really hurt him. he got so worked up that he just about went FERAL (and only seeing genos would calm him) because they were blaming him for saving their lives instead of their fucking new cars.

it just burns my biscuits that so many people take saitama as a joke, because HE'S not the part that's supposed to be a joke. NO. IT'S HIS POWERS THAT'S THE JOKE! he's a guy with serious depression just trying to do what's right. he doesn't want flashy heroics, he doesn't want fanclubs or demand them, he even says he doesn't need fans. he just wants a little appreciation for all the times he's saved the earths ass, but the H.A. has to come in and take all the credit from him.

everyone calls him a fraud and chants that he's a fake during deep sea king. that also really stung him deep down, i think, because here's all these S CLASS HEROES who were taken down with ease and nobody can defeat him but saitama. saitama defeats him, everyone boos. could he have gotten mad and defensive? yes. did he? absolutely not! he selflessly started going "uh... uh, YEA. HAHA. THAT'S RIGHT. IM JUST A BIG FAT FAKE TAKING THE CREDIT. IT WAS SO WEAK I BEAT IT IN ONE PUNCH."

the crowd starts hating him even MOREbut only mumen knows he's a liar. that he really was that strong.saitama could be molded into a total dickbag from all thisbut what i admire most .. and love most about him.. is that he DIDN'T.instead he chooses, time and time again, to let the people hate him. to let others take the credit. to do what the people think.if it makes them feel safer, so be it; even if it hurts, he doesn't care. he just wants to be a hero. and while everyone's always like "OHH MUMEN'S MORE HEROIC THAN SAITAMA BECAUSE SAITAMA HAS NO PASSION" i get MAD!!!

that's a BLATANT LIE!! both are equally passionate for justice, but have yoU MET SAITAMA??he is the kind of guy who has LITERALLY jumped in front of cars to save people.if he could, he'd lay his life on the line for otherseven if the world hates him, he still keeps going, even if it's tough. he's lost his ENTHUSIASM but his passion for justice is NOT nonexistent like so many comparing him to mumen say\mumen is just more DRIVEN.

saitama has learned the hard way that blind optimisim can't get you everywhere. the world's basically spit and pissed on him and told em "FUCK YOU" but even so.. even so he still goes out of his way to be as heroic as he can. he acts like he doesn't care, but he's the same man who saved a man from comitting suicide. he's got a weakness for children because he can't stand to see them upset so he does anything to calm them down/save them.

he saves the life of so many others even if they're telling him he's a fraud. he gave up his hero credit to the cops, who evryone started to think of as jokes thanks to the existence of heroes (even dressed up as one and pretended he was a cop who beat a monster).there's so much more i could list off but just because he doesn't have that fiery enthusiam outwardly showing does NOT mean it's not there.

if he wasn’t so passionate for justice, WHY was he so starry eyed at the idea of being a pro hero? WHY did he do vigilante work for those 3 years? WHY does he want to help avenge Genos? WHY would he go out of his way to save anyone? WHY does he care about saving other people, ESPECIALLY kids?? It’s not easy to be a hero. It really isn’t. And yet Saitama does all these things because he’s got such strong morals, he just wants to help people. He never expects anything in return, ever. He can’t stand taking people’s money, even if it’d help him out, which we know from the fact that genos said he’d pay rent, but was confirmed he never let Genos pay.

despite the world being against him he still is a hero. he stopped completely reporting his actions to the H.A. too, and the only reason he even moves up anymore is bc other ppl report his heroic actions.

Anyways, I don’t really think this could count as a true character study? but then again, all my character rambles about him go under these kinds of things. anyways, i leave you with the set of screenshots i think about the most.

#⌠character study; jonesy rambles⌡#SORRY IT'S MOSTLY ME GOING OFF ABOUT H.A....#BUT SAITAMA ... DOESN'T DESERVE THUIS #i just #have so many feelings #also this is copy pasted from discord #i didn't feel like rewriting it #but i might later #anyways here's wonderwall

5 notes · View notes

ecampbellsoup · 6 years

Text

Outlander Moments of Impact: Did You Like It?

Sex is unfortunately not always an act that is selfless. In fact, often one’s own gratification overshadows that of their partner’s. The need to fulfil one’s own need supersedes the desire to equally pleasure the other with whom the act is shared.

However, this is not the case with James Fraser. He intimately cares about the sexual pleasure of his wife. He even selflessly pursues it.

An impressionable moment that proves this is from 1x7 “The Wedding” immediately following Jamie and Claire’s first time having sex; Jamie asks his new wife a simple question.

But this one sentence has momentous, cultural-defying implications and communicates an abundance with four words; and it is just flat out precious.

Let’s break down the scene for some context, shall we?

Following their wedding, Jamie and Claire take their time to get to know one another. They spend hours sharing bits and pieces of their story. Jamie does not force himself on Claire. Nor rush her even though he’s wanted her more than life itself from the second he laid eyes on her (😭)

There is a need to build a sense of trust and understanding before they can jump into bed—this is already telling us a lot. Obviously the sexual tension has been off the charts for these two since first eye contact, but they want to connect beyond the physical. They want a soul and spirit bond. They want intimacy. After the sun disappears and the stories are sealed, they finally consummate their marriage.

In the aftermath, both sheepishly lay next to one another. Neither of them says anything for a moment.

Then full of wonder Jamie steals a glance at his new bride.

Claire smiles in return, but cannot bring herself to look at him for too long. She is still trying to process what just happened between them.

Wanting to connect, and likely to perceive his silence, Claire quietly asks, “So was it like you thought it would be?” Did you like it? Jamie laughs gently and responds, “Almost, but I thought...No, nevermind.” Sensing his restraint and needing the explanation, Claire presses him, “What, tell me?”

Timidly, “You’ll laugh at me.” Claire assures him, “I promise I won’t laugh.”

Mustering up some courage, Jamie finally admits, “I dinna realize you did it face to face; I thought you did it the back way, like horses ye ken.” Claire holds it in for a second and then bursts into laughter. Quickly apologizing, “I’m sorry; I know I promised I wouldn’t laugh, but...”

Feeling their closeness growing, Jamie feels emboldened and seeks to ask his own question. She complies, “Of course.” Eagerly and with a delighted grin, “Did you like it?”

Claire, unsure of how to respond, simply shifts her eyes away from Jamie’s gaze and says nothing.

Searching her face, Jamie waits for her answer. After the response of silence, he feels her withdrawal and hesitation. Thus Jamie interprets her reaction as no.

Clearly disheartened, Jamie sits up and confesses, “Murtagh was right about that then...he said women generally do not care for it. He, Rupert, and Ned offered a lot of advice on the subject last night.” Moving away from Claire, almost out of embarrassment, Jamie sits at the end of the bed, staring at floor.

When Claire does not respond, Jamie is clearly broken and dejected over this. It is more than just being able to sexually please her. He wants to be able to connect with her. To be one with her. And he feels he has failed to do that.

Now understanding what he was truly asking, Claire sees his heart is fully vulnerable in this moment for her to envelope or destroy.

Choosing honesty, choosing to hold his tender heart, choosing not to reject him, choosing honesty, Claire affirms, “I did like it Jamie.”

Rising up off their christened marital bed, Claire moves away from him, better to have some distance. Yet Jamie, when he hears her truth, his entire being shines. He comes alive.

How many men are concerned with their partner’s pleasure during this time period? How many men are asking their wives if they were satisfied?

It is not in the culture to address a woman’s role in the bedroom other than to submit and obey. Who cares if she liked it, so long as she does it?

Oh, but not Jamie.

Full of vulnerability and hope, he asks his bride the simplest thing: Did you like it?

Although Jamie operates in a time period where women’s sexual pleasure was not only unspoken of but unexpected, his enthusiasm can only be perfected upon knowing if his wife shared in his joy.

He seeks to know if she enjoyed it. He wants to know if she liked having sex with him.

What’s so disarming and nuanced about this moment is that Jamie is not asking her this out of pride. He is not asking her because he wants to bask in his skills. It matters to this husband what the sex was like for his wife.

He is asking her because he cares.

He cares.

He cares if his wife likes sex.

He cares if it was enjoyable for her.

He cares if she found it pleasurable.

The depth of emotional intelligence that Jamie demonstrates is already noteworthy, but this moment is deeply profound. It reveals the type of character that Jamie has. He’s not selfish.

He doesn’t want to take something from her, even if it’s consensual, without giving Claire something in return. He does not want to strip something from her, even if it’s his own pleasure, at her expense.

This is literally the first time this man has ever had sex. EVER. He could be gloating. He could be thinking about only himself. And yet his thoughts go to his wife: but, did SHE like it?

He wants this to be a shared blessing.

He desires for it to be mutually gratifying. Mutually beneficial. Mutually enjoyable.

When Claire does not respond, we can see how broken and dejected he is over this. It is more than just being able to sexually please her. He wants to be able to connect with her. To be one with her. He wants to be close to her.

It reveals so much truth about the fact that sex is meant to be a communion. It is meant to be two souls coming together. It is meant to be shared.

And Jamie does not want to settle for anything less.

“Happiness (love) is only real when shared”

Christopher McCandless

#outlander #outlander moments of impact #outlander moi did you like it #outlander 1x7 #jamie x claire #otp: jamie x claire

164 notes · View notes

insanityembraced · 3 years

Text

I am a survivor. I have survived over and over because I never learned from my survival because I was never allowed to talk to anyone. I could never share, or process, or learn. So I continued to repeat the same terrible pattern of abuse in increasingly more painful and unimaginably terrible ways for an unimaginable 35 years. Each subsequent abuse or abuser seemingly intentionally taking more and more of me. Eventually, the abuse become so severe that there waa nothing left of the person I once was.

Today I can say with a full heart I am finally learning and trying to get better at seeing the evil I was taught didn't exist, even if he or she was right before my eyes.

I am finally not only free to talk but I am talking. I have lived inside my head for so long laying my truth before anyone seems wrong and shameful, and maybe it is, but I can't heal if I keep all this horror inside. It is impossible for things to be real if I keep them in the fantasy world within my mind. The fantasy in my mind has kept me alive and kept me from breaking, but it also cannot hold the abuse deep inside without continuing to eat away at any progress I may make. This level of horror will eat it's victim alive from the inside out, because it festers, spoils, and fails to bring justice. So this rotting flesh of the person I once was needs to be thrown out into the light where the people who killed her and continued to abuse her have to face the dead rotting flesh they have created. The true evil has to face the ugliness they have shoved down inside me and forced me to keep a secret. If it stays down deep in my dark empty void then it isn't real. If it isn't real then neither am I. I will never be free without spilling this rot, pain and suffering.

I am finally starting to free myself. Now I am going to share it all. As much as I can get out. Even if no one wants to hear it. Even if no one is even listening. It doesn't matter. Even if it just floats away, at least I let it out. I let it out and it is real. If I don't say it then it never happened and I will forever be suffering over things that never happened and I will just end up in a dark hole trying to find anything I can believe in.

So now I am telling my story because I want to believe in something. I may still not know who and what I believe in, but at least I am taking one baby step day by day towards releasing everything and hopefully eventually having something to believe in. Maybe even one day I could believe in myself. I am trying to believe in myself, and I almost do.

But even if I dont always believe, I 100 percent know that I am unbreakable. I can be killed, but short of that I will not be broken by anyone except myself. So I will keep driving to fix myself knowing I can do it because I am unbreakable.

I want to open my mouth so wide it all falls out. Hopefully, this will not only help get the poison out of me, buy possibly help someone else in any way possible. There is so many things I could share. The abuse has been seemingly most of my life. As long as I can remember I have been empty and begging for anything, because I don't think I have ever truly been loved.

I have been trained so long to not only accept anything and make excuses for my perpetrator, but actually that everything is in fact my fault. I am worthless and selfish if I ever even ask for my minimal needs. This has included food or water and even air. Yes I have been prevented from getting the air I need to live over and over. Somehow I was convinced this was love and I deserved it. No one deserves to be made to believe they don't even deserve air, but somehow I was convinced that was actually love.

Today things are different for the first time in my life. I have now found someone who cares about me. He showed me someone could actually treat me with kindness. I didn't know that true selfless kindness was possible in my life. The small acts of kindness he showed me helped to open my eyes. It is crazy that all it took was for one person to look as me and see me, yet still take even just a few minutes to do something for me without reward or expectation.

I can't think of anyone else to ever just do something for me completely selflessly, particularly after they had seen me. I had been told so long that no one could or ever would love my true self so I had no other choice than to accept and appreciate the misery and pain inflicted on me daily for 35 years.

So here is my story and my recovery.

0 notes

lilahiswriting · 4 years

Text

Patriarchy in A Doll’s House

Marriages have evolved greatly through time, and a woman’s role in society is more powerful now than ever. Nevertheless, something that has always characterized gender relationships is the innate need of the men to feel superior than the women. In A Doll's House, Henrik Ibsen pointedly captures the patriarchal role of women in Victorian society through his doll symbolism, Nora's behavior and characteristics, and Torvald’s attitude towards her. With these characters, Ibsen dismantles the idea of the perfect, happy marriage couples were expected to exemplify in the 19th century.

Nora’s ignorance traps her on a bourgeois idea of marriage set by society, especially because at the beginning, she is portrayed as a happy wife. Our first impression of Nora is of a simple minded trophy wife who has been passed from father to husband, as she first enters the stage humming, wearing a dress and carrying parcels after buying the Christmas tree (1.14-17). The play even questions the extent to which these characteristics are tools Nora unknowingly uses to negotiate the patriarchal oppression she faces every day. Nora never learned to think for herself because men always did that for her: “When I was at home with papa, he told me his opinion about everything, and so I had the same opinions: and if I differed from him I concealed the fact, because he would not have liked it” (Ibsen 3.604-607). When she married Torvald, it was more of the same dreadful situation: "Surely you can understand that being with Torvald is a little like being with papa." (2.503-504). Everything she has known or thought, she has been taught. This inability to develop her own ideas and opinions causes her to happily live in the cage of her marriage and be unaware of who she is beyond her role of a mother and a wife. Just before leaving her husband, she tells him “[Torvald,] you have always been so kind to me” but not even in that moment can she realize that it was the kindness of a superior, an authority, not an equal. However, she very much appreciates said kindness because many women at the time didn’t even receive this basic decency from their husbands. Even when Nora’s life seems awfully easy and careless at the beginning, we later learn that despite the boundaries society has imposed on wives, she is a determined woman who does what is needed for the best of her loved ones.

Approaching the end of the play, Nora has an epiphany in which she realizes that her husband is a different person than she once believed. Nora thought that Torvald would selflessly give up everything for her, but when she realizes he had no such intentions, she accepts the fact that their marriage has been an illusion. As she becomes aware of the reality of their sham of a marriage, Nora understands how her father has also wronged her: “I’ve been your doll-wife, just as at home I was papa’s doll-child; and here the children have been my dolls” (3.628-630). Nora realizes she has raised her children the same way as she and Torvald were raised. It became a vicious circle.

When I look back on it, it seems to me as if I had been living here like a poor woman--just from hand to mouth. I have existed merely to perform tricks for you...You and papa have committed a great sin against me. It is your fault that I have made nothing of my life...Oh! I can't bear to think of it! I could tear myself into little bits! (3.616-621)

Nora’s epiphany opens her eyes on the reality of her life and the society she grew up in, which doesn’t fail to shock her. She feels unfulfilled, and it makes her more determined to turn her life around.

As A Doll’s House is a modern tragedy, we can consider Nora the tragic hero of the play. She sacrificed herself and gave up the “necessities of life” for eight years without anyone noticing, which strongly speaks on her will power and determination. It also speaks on the importance of keeping the debt a secret and the consequences it would have, had her husband found out, because of how imprudent it would have been in Victorian society. By the end of the play, Nora is willing to kill herself in order to save Torvald from having to step up for her and “do the wonderful thing.” At this moment, she is a hero for her family and her husband’s honor. After the wonderful thing does not happen, Nora becomes a hero for the thousands of women who live in a situation like hers, by eventually confronting him with the fact that giving up her honor for her husband “Is a thing hundreds of thousand of women have done” (3.757). Nora quits on the sham marriage and walks out of her home into a world without sympathy for women, showing us an incredible amount of courage and determination to discover the truth about herself. Some may argue that Nora leaving not only Torvald but her children is a selfish act, but I believe that Nora feels she knows so little about herself and society, that she is an inadequate mother. She leaves the children because she feels it is for their benefit, painful as it may be to her. Despite Nora being portrayed as just an ordinary Victorian housewife, it is undeniable that she does in fact possess great strength and courage, making her a modern tragic heroine.

On the other side of the same coin, we find that Torvald’s entitlement towards his wife an important piece of the way this marriage was built. He treats Nora as if she were one of his possessions, and doesn't hesitate on letting her know that she is his: “Why shouldn't I look at my dearest treasure?—at all the beauty that is mine, all my very own?” (3.262-263). Torvald uses patronizing language to portray how to him Nora was just a "sweet little skylark”, and uses typically 'loving' terms but makes them seem condescending and demeaning. This use of language emphasizes his misogynistic ego and his feeling of superiority over her. Before the party, Torvald wants his wife to dress up "as a Neapolitan peasant girl". He dresses her up because that's what he wants her to be and once again acts as if Nora isn't even a person, but a doll or his own personal toy. Nora is unable to recognize this because she thinks this is the way husbands treat their wives and even believes he is being especially good to her, which is true considering how marriages were at the time. Nora realizes the truth during her epiphany, but even here Torvald continues to diminish her and treat her as a child. No matter what Nora is saying, the entitlement is present during the entirety of the play and doesn’t ever go away. Torvald’s misogynistic qualities are engraved in him, most likely due to the fact that Torvald's idea of marriage is one of fantasy: he believes that it is the sacred duty of a woman to be a good wife and mother, and that is all she is meant to be.

Torvald's immense hypocrisy speaks more on his character than in any idea of marriage, but it wouldn’t be as clear of a characteristic if it weren’t for the strange way he was taught marriage was supposed to be. Through the duration of the play, Torvald, even though misogynistic, seems like he deeply cares for his wife and her well being. He lets her buy things and have pleasures. He even fantasizes about saving Nora from danger, at one point, “I have often wished that you might be threatened by some great danger, so that I might risk my life’s blood, and everything, for your sake” (3.409-411). Nevertheless, after Nora’s truth is revealed, his rant reveals that all of the affection he apparently had for her was a play act. Torvald is unable to recognize the immense sacrifice his wife had done to save his life and is easily ready to continue their lives pretending to be happily married, caring only about what people would say about them and his reputation instead of Nora, the woman who worked tirelessly for eight years in silence for him. If only Torvald had appreciated her true love, perhaps they would still be together. In addition, Torvald doesn’t think twice before taking away Norah’s right to her children: “I shall not allow you to bring up the children; I dare not trust them to you” (3.486-487). However, after the document appears, he says he only said that because he was “In a moment of anger” (3.645). Once the danger for Torvald’s image passes, he takes back everything he said about his wife and her values, and even has the audacity to tell Nora that “I know that what you did, you did out of love for me” (3.526). Despite the fact it was expected of Torvald to not know any better on certain aspects of his marriage, we cannot overlook the fact that his hypocrisy was a choice.

In spite of the author picking a marriage that was still much better than most marriages at the time, Nora and Torvald still portrayed the reality of the institution. Both of these characters help us understand how marriage was supposed to be like and how women were not supposed to grow or have any ambition of their own. In the end, Nora was freed from her “doll house” and was able to come into her own as a woman and as a human, but Torvald didn’t seem to understand his own reality quite yet.

13th Nov. 2017

#engl #2017

1 note · View note

scartissuejay · 5 years

Text

*rage at Wolverine levels*

Right so let me paint you the picture, I’m the type of person who stays out of people’s business cause it’s their business so out of respect; unless they share it with me, I don’t go prying and asking 100 questions or acting in a manner that is intrusive or over step the mark that they set because as I said, it’s their motherfucking business!

So why people feel the need to always be involved in my FUCKING business like it’s there FUCKING hobby I have no idea! Are you clowns bored? Do you need a gossip? Should I buy you the OK magazine you absolute wankers?

It was all under control! And NOW because a certain somebody wanted to quote “defend me” and then gave me a lecture as to why I am “so short minded and selfish” even though he was in the wrong.. nah you’ve fully lost the plot mate. Funny thing about the lecture you gave me was that you spoke for 45 minutes and wouldn’t even let me get a word in, worst thing about that is you can’t see that you acted on your own and didn’t act selflessly at all. So what the hell does that make you??? You apologised to me but genuinely stick your apology where the sun don’t shine, you ruined it. You’ve ruined it all! How do you expect me to trust you with any information ever again? There’s that saying from that Beyoncé song with Lady Gaga.. which goes “Trust is like a mirror, you can try to fix if it’s broken, but you can still see the cracks in that motherfuckers reflection” I believe that more than ever right now!

When you were having your women dramas, did I approach them and say you’ve got to leave him the fuck alone you’re no good for him he’s been getting better the whole time without your company so leave him to me and I’ll look after him? NO! I just smiled at them, cheersed them and walked the fuck off. But no that isn’t the response I get in response, oh hell no. That would be too much of a gracious thing for you to do! I am fully raging at you, how can I take advice from somebody who’s life isn’t in order? Do you think I’m that much of a dickhead?! You must do because you wouldn’t of done what you’ve done otherwise.

You’ve made me out to be some kind of lost boy who needs help because in the past I’ve been through bad times (who the fuck hasn’t), not only that you’ve made me look unstable and weird. Me? Fucking weird! I’m nothing but nice all the pissing time and I agree it doesn’t always get me eveywhere but do you know what, at least people actually like me and I don’t talk at them for hours on end and make people nervous and awkward when their speaking to you, you make it fucking impossible to even respond to you because you won’t listen.

I’m liked everywhere I go, you’re not. You say we’re the same aura about us and we both like talking, but bruh, I love talking, you just love the sound of your own voice cause you’re too ignorant to take on anybody else’s responses. And then you sit back and say to me “ nobody is there when I need them to be” WHY THE FUCK DO YOU THINK THAT IS THEN!????? DURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. Do you even know how many times I’ve had to sit back and defend you?! And actually defend you?! Countless. When people have had bad or negative thoughts to say to me about you I just defend you because I thought you were in my corner, but do you know what. Let’s see what happens when I’m not in your corner. Let’s see what happens when the next woman you claim likes you tells me something completely different what do you think I’m gonna say this time? Cause it certainly won’t be “oh he’s not that bad haha”.

Now you’ve intruded and over stepped your boundary with me. You’ve literally couldn’t of made things worse for me. For somebody who suggests to be looking out for me, this time, you weren’t. You were trying to hurt me as if I’d done something to you; but you know full well I haven’t. I have never been that guy. Not to anyone. Even if they’ve deserved it.

Like I said earlier you’ve ruined it with the girl I like cause you wanted too. No other pissing reason, and that’s so clear. If you were actually concerned that I was in this mythical “dark place” you could of just rang me and asked me what’s going on?! But NOOOOOO you just wanted to trip me up, your so called ‘little brother’. I can’t help but wonder for what benefit you did that for? Because it certainly wasn’t for mine. The audicity on you is crazy.

I’d be surprised if I never see her again because of your bullshit actions. I’d be surprised to even hear from her again because of your bullshit actions. She’s going to look at me completely different now..And after you know how much I care and like the woman, ( the first person I have genuinely liked in what is it now... 2 and half years!) shes going to think I am a baggage ridden waste of space, a weirdo and now you’ve made it so bloody awkward if I ever do see her I have no idea what to even say. I’m glad she took you in that room and had her say, it’s exactly what I would of done in her size 3’s. And do you know how I know that?! BECAUSE I FUCKING LISTEN!!!!!! You’ve destroyed it. Not saying there was even anything to destroy yet.. but you’ve destroyed any hope and hope was all I had;

Your apology is no good here. Believe me when I say, I’m no longer listening to your bullshit views anymore. I don’t need them. You’ve been there in the past to help, and I’ve thanked you 100 times over but this, this is a line you should never of crossed..what you’ve done here is fully disgusting. You’re getting cut out. You don’t deserve the title of brother. My ‘brother’ wouldn’t trip me up when it wasn’t necessary; People always show their true colours in the end.

0 notes

sparrowsabre7 · 4 years

Text

Doctor Who s11

Just continued watching after stopping last year midway through. I have to say it's not making me feel optimistic.

I really, REALLY wanted to love this series. I wanted it to be great, I wanted it to be so good that sexist arseholes complaining about a female Doctor would be proven wrong with the best series yet.

But it just kind of... is. I don't know what it is but everything is somehow off. The production values are perhaps the best they've ever been and the acting talent is largely very strong, but with a few choice exceptions the episodes are bland or retreads of ones we've seen before. Equally almost every episode so far save the premiere seems set on having an "aliens are bad, haha surprise! The real villain was humanity all along". There have been some fantastic "humans are the real bad guys" episodes in DW history but the sheer number now, with the world being what it is, it just feels like an easy target. We know humans suck, we've known little else for the better part of half a decade, Doctor Who used to undercut the "humans are bad" moments with "humans can be great too". End of Time has a billionaire working with the Master for his own selfish ends but also has Bernard Cribbins selflessly saving a person he doesn't even know.

The world is cruel, but I think Doctor Who doesn't need to reflect that quite so relentlessly. Where's the levity, the joy of exploration?

Ultimately I think Whitaker is being massively underserved by the writing. It happened with Capaldi too, he had a huge swathe of crappy episodes but still had a few fantastic "I am the Doctor" moment. His speech in the Zygon episode, Heaven Sent, Listen. Whitaker has not been given that yet, she's not had her defining moment and I can't help but feel the writing team doesn't know how to write for her. She gives up completely when the tent teleport away in the second episode, in one of the least Doctor like speeches ever. Yes, other Doctors have reached that point but after exhausting ever avenue, this just felt like "oh, plan A didn't work, guess I'll die" and in the Tsuranga Conundrum she acts incredible selfishly wanting to get her TARDIS back. The Doctor has lost the TARDIS so many times and never thrown all other concerns aside to look for it. Ultimately she comes to her senses but it doesn't feel like something to Doctor would do. I know character can be flawed and vulnerable and all doctors are different but I can't help but feel that no one would have written Tennant or Smith that way.

I really hope series 12 is fucking phenomenal because I couldn't bear it if Thirteen's legacy was "we tried a woman, didn't work, let's not try again" because that should absolutely not be the takeaway of this series.

0 notes

shibashiharuka-blog · 6 years

Text

Branch’s Perspective - Ch 7

Branch's Perspective

Description: The Original Trolls Story from Branch's Perspective as he battles with his feelings for Poppy and struggles with his lifelong depression over losing everyone he loved and held dear. A few extra scenes have been thrown in to help better understand everyone's favorite grumpy grey toll. A Broppy FanFic.

Disclaimer: I do not own Trolls or the plot, it belongs to Dreamworks Productions

Chapter Seven

Poppy and her friends were able to complete Bridget's transformation fairly quickly. Branch had agreed to help, but hadn't necessarily contributed anything yet. He made himself comfortable atop the scullery maid's head but did not include his hair with the others. He simply sat down close to the troll princess and couldn't help but glance at her from time to time while she danced. He was careful not to let her entrance him, he could gaze at her all day, but he didn't want to rise any suspicion while they were surrounded by her friends so he remained poker faced, and tried not to get annoyed while she sang and danced with the Snack Pack.

The group ventured out into Bergen Town, and Bridget was catching everyone's eye. Branch had to give her credit for overcoming her nerves by ignoring most of the stares she received and continued on with her search for King Gristle, he was never one to feel comfortable in the public eye and probably would have retreated back to the comforts of his own home by now had he been in her shoes. But… having just opened up about his past to everyone, he was starting to think that maybe… having friends and enjoying company even if it caused a judgmental eye, wasn't so bad after all.

"Oh he's so beautiful." He heard the bergen gush and realized that she had been able to locate the King's whereabouts fairly quickly. Branch glanced through the colorful troll hair and peered into the window only to cringe immediately the moment he saw the bergen king. His confidence wavered a bit as he looked upon King Gristle shopping for a bib in preparation for this dreadful holiday he had hoped he would never have to experience ever again. Why… why couldn't they have run away and escaped when they had the chance?

"And so are you." Poppy complimented the scullery maid; unfortunately her compliment didn't seem to have the effect she hoped it would have.

"Ohh, he'll know I'm just a scullery maid!" Bridget worried, almost acting as if she were about to bolt back to the castle.

"No, no, no, no!" Poppy cried in an attempt to calm her down and prevent her from running.

"Ahh I gotta get outta here…" Bridget continued to worry as she looked in all directions in search of an escape.

"I'll be right here for you Bridget. We all will." The troll princess reassured the bergen. This statement seemed to calm Bridget down.

"You'll tell me what to say right?" The bergen questioned.

"Of course I will." Poppy reassured her again.

"Of course I will." Bridget repeated and Branch had to contain a chuckle as he listened to that exchange.

"Just wait until we get inside." Poppy commented before hiding herself back inside Bridget's 'wig'. Branch glanced at Poppy as Bridget regained her composure once again. He might not ever be able to understand it, but Poppy's willingness to help anyone, even her enemies, always astonished him. For a princess, she was never selfish she always gave so much of herself to ensure everyone's happiness, and it made her happy to do it. In a way he admired that about her, it was a trait of hers that reminded him so much of his beloved grandmother. His grandmother had always selflessly given so much of herself not only to him, but to so many other troll children in the days she was alive that many trolls of Troll Village still reminisced about her to this day. Of course his grandmother and Poppy were still two very different trolls of whom he loved in very different ways, but he still could not help but notice this similarity between the two. It was probably one of the very reasons Poppy was able to get through to him in ways no one else ever could.

The bell signaling entrance into the store chimed as Bridget cautiously entered Bibbly's, immediately King Gristle could be heard whining like a spoiled child, so much so that no one had even bothered to notice her presence right away. Branch could only roll his eyes in annoyance at the spoiled bergen king. Boy was he grateful Poppy never acted this way, she may be naïve to the bad things that can occur in the world, but she really was the most selfless, caring, loving princess he has ever come to know, and while an exchange occurred between the two bergen's Branch could help but take a trip down memory lane.

-Flashback-

Ten years… it's been ten years now since he turned grey, and ten years since… Grandma Rosiepuff passed away. He was fifteen now, his bunker now complete except for a few 'homey' touches he supposed but wasn't too eager to add them any time soon. His real problem now was… other trolls, he had gotten to that age where bullying was becoming a problem no matter where he went. Bullying was not considered 'troll-like', in fact it was very much frowned upon, but unfortunately it still happened, and it seemed most of the time he was the main target. Most of the kids don't remember anymore why he was grey and so depressed all the time, and if they did remember they chose not to mention it. To them, he was different, to the other troll kids he wasn't 'normal' and because of that, he was picked on.

He was used to it by now; words could never be as painful as the loss he suffered ten years ago so he could live with it. But… some kids were starting to get physical, and he knew it was time he drew a line somewhere before it escalated any further. Unfortunately he wasn't sure how…

His ears suddenly twitched and he picked up on faint snickering not too far behind him. He sighed closing his eyes, why couldn't they just leave him alone. Not wanting them to find the location of his bunker, he made a sharp left turn and began gathering some localized herbs in the area. Soon he could hear something whizzing by him and dodged it easy, casting a glance to where the object had landed he could see that it was a stone. Restraining the urge to snap at them, he continued his work ignoring the bunch, they attempted several more times to strike him with more stones, but he was quick to dodge and they missed him each time.

"Oi! Grumpy!" Finally one of them called out to him, rolling his eyes he still continued to ignore him.

"Hey! Don't ignore us!" The troll barked, suddenly Branch found himself forcefully shoved to the ground, all the plants that he had just gathered scattered everywhere. Branch laid there for a moment deciding whether of not he should stand up to this group of bullies who had now targeted him, but remembered that his words always fell on deaf ears even when he wasn't being bullied. He pushed himself up from the ground stood once more, he didn't even glance at the group who pushed him down before he turned his back toward them and continued gather the herbs once again.

"What's wrong Grumpy? Cat got your tongue?" One of the trolls teased behind him.

'Just keep ignoring them Branch, they'll leave eventually.' The grey troll reminded himself.

"Yeah aren't you going to tell us to run away? That we'll be attacked by a bergen if we hang around here?" Another troll mocked him in a monotone voice.

'Bergens aren't the only thing you should be afraid of out here.' Branch responded in his mind as he continued to increase the distance between him and them.

"HEY!" The same troll who told him not to ignore them earlier shouted, his voice was menacing, terrifying, it made the grey troll freeze in his tracks. It actually seemed like this troll wanted to inflict harm upon him, something he had never encountered before. He had never done anything so horrible to any troll that he would deserve that type of behavior from someone, so why…

"I said don't ignore us!" He barked again, and this time because Branch was so frozen and disoriented with fear, he did not notice another stone coming toward him, much larger then any of the others that had been thrown at him before. That large stone struck Branch right in his temple and the pain from the strike caused him to crumble to the ground again, his hand flew up to grasp the affected area and immediately noticed that blood had been drawn. Branch then felt the presence of the other trolls much closer then they had been before, but before he could react one of the trolls kicked him hard in the stomach, Branch felt the air rush out of his lungs and he coughed as he tumbled into a fetal position.

"Better get up Grumpy… or we'll…"

"Get away from him!" Branch heard someone scream, unfortunately he was in so much pain he could not register where the voice was coming from. Whoever it was, their voice caused every troll hovering over him to freeze in shock and fear, Branch soon understood why when a familiar pink color suddenly flodded his vision. Branch felt his heart begin to race as the princess stood in front of him to protect him.

"What do you think you are doing?!" She demanded, the grey troll glanced up at the pink trolls face, his heart literally stopped beating. A look of anger he had never seen on her before was plastered on her features; the hard glare she was shooting at the group of bullies was sending shivers down his own spine. Why was she so angry for someone like him? Her voice then dropped down an octave as she spoke in warning to the group who attacked him.

"What you've done is unacceptable in my Troll Village and you better believe my father will be hearing about the actions you have taken against Branch." These words caused the group to step back, the troll who had struck Branch with the stone attempted to speak up.

"W-we didn't…"

"There is nothing you can say that will change my mind. Leave here NOW!" She shouted, silencing him instantly. They all turned around to leave and once the troll princess was sure they had disappeared from their sight she dropped to her knees in front of him, her anger now replaced with intense worry.

"Branch are you alright?" She spoke softly, her hand reached out to gently touch the wound on his temple, he flinched in pain the moment he felt her touch and Poppy quickly retracted her hand.

"I'm so sorry Branch…" She whispered, as she reached an arm around his shoulders to try and help him sit up. He allowed her to do so, his mind still reeling at the actions she had just taken to protect him. Why would she do something like this? She never left him alone sure, and always tried to include him in everything, but he never imagined she would go this far for him. He just couldn't figure her out, he was always so mean to her, so harsh, if someone had treated him the way he treated her he didn't think he'd ever be able to stand up for him or her the way she just did for him. Once he was sitting up, he finally found the will to speak.

"Why… did you do that for me?" He asked, unable to look at her directly. She didn't answer right away, when he peered over at her it seemed as if she were shocked.

"No one likes me. You… you could end up disliked, or worse hurt for what you just did… You should just… let me be…" He answered truthfully. She shouldn't get involved with him; she shouldn't try to get close to him. He couldn't give her anything she wanted or deserved and the only thing getting close to him would offer her was pain.

"I can't do that!" She shouted making him jump a bit. She said it with such determination he could no longer find the words to speak, he could only watch her with shock.

"I don't care what others say. I like you Branch and no one deserves to be treated that way!" Branch felt the air leave his lungs again, but this time it was for a completely different reason. This young princess was only ten years old, still just a child, and yet her she was speaking to him with more maturity and determination then he'd even seen in some adults. Not only that, but she was willing to fight… for him.

"Branch I don't know why you lost your colors but…" She looked away from him seemingly embarrassed; her cheeks even flushed a deeper shade of pink causing his own cheeks to flush slightly with embarrassment.

"And I won't force you to tell me… but… I hope…" she was silent for a moment. It appeared she was trying to figure out if she should say what she was about to say, it didn't take long for her to come to a decision and she soon turned to face him again with a bright smile.

"I hope one day you will be able to tell me… that you will be able to… confide in me." Branch's eyes widened in surprise, he could feel his heart in his throat beating rapidly and couldn't find anything he wanted to say. No one… no one ever said anything like that to him, no one ever cared. But Poppy….

"Until then I promise to protect you!" She declared and Branch could no longer look at her. He was too embarrassed, his heart felt as if it were about to burst out of his chest. He… he was in love with her…

"Come on." Poppy was standing now, holding a hand out to him to help him up.

"Let's get you cleaned up." Normally he would not have taken her hand… normally he would say something harsh, tell her he's be fine on his own and head back to his bunker without another word but right now… he couldn't find it within himself to do that… he knew he should but he couldn't push her away. Without meeting her gaze he accepted her offered hand and allowed her to help him up. Smiling the entire way, she did not let go of his hand until they arrived at her Pod which was dead center in the middle of the village. She invited him inside so she could tend to his injuries and or the first time ever, Branch paid no mind to all the stares they received from the rest of the trolls.

-End of Flashback-

"And who might you be?" The bergen king asked as Branch came back from his trip down memory lane, it appears the female bergen had worked up the courage to speak to him. She had started to falter when the king had asked for her name, Poppy and the rest of the Snack Pack were also unsure of what to say.

"You're name is um.. uhhh…." Poppy had turned around to look to him for help, but he could only return a surprised look. It was difficult to come up with something like that on the spot.

"Lady." Biggie started which didn't seem too bad.

"Glitter?" Guy Diamond added.

"Sparkles!" Smidge added confidently, what the heck kind of name was that? King Gristle was never going to buy that!

"Seriously?!"

"My name is Lady Glitter Sparkles…seriously." Bridget you weren't supposed to repeat that! At this rate they were going to be found out!

"Well, my Lady Glitter Sparkles…" What the heck he bought that?!

"Haha! Would you care to join me in an evening at Captain Starfunkles roller rink and arcade?" Was this really happening right now? Poppy's plan was actually working! This bergen just scored a date with the King!

"Would I!" Bridget responded initially with confidence, but hesitated a moment later.

"Would I?" She questioned Poppy.

"Yes you'd be delighted." Poppy reassured her.

"Yes you'd be delighted." Bridget repeated, Branch rolled his eyes at this response but paid no mind to it understanding that this was just how Bridget was, it seemed the King didn't mind at least and although he gave a curious glance now and then he seemed to go along with Bridget's act.

"Oh… indeed I would." Well the date was settled, but Branch couldn't help but feel slightly impatient, he didn't completely understand Poppy's entire plan and where she planned to go from here, and if he was being honest he didn't really want to be an attendee to this date Bridget was about to embark on. He had confirmed with himself that he sympathized with Bridget because she was in love with someone she thought she could never have just as he did, but now that she had scored the date and he was still the same as he ever was, he was having mixed feelings.

"When are you going to ask him about Creek?" The grey troll practically spat the purple trolls name as he faced the troll princess who stood right beside him.

"Well we have to warm him up first. Don't you know anything about romance?" Poppy asked him almost mockingly, almost as if she knew he wouldn't know anything about it. What she didn't realize is deep down, there was more to the grey troll then what meets the eye but he wasn't ready to show that side of him to her yet.

"Of course! I'm passionate about it." Branch replied sarcastically.

"Really?" Poppy responded honestly in disbelief, had she seriously not been able to pick up on when he was being sarcastic yet? Plus he was a bit offended that she really didn't think he could be romantic.

"Don't you know anything about sarcasm?" Branch deadpanned.

"I think I had a sarcasm once." Cooper chimed in with an unwanted comment; obviously not understanding what sarcasm was either. So maybe Branch had never been on a date in his entire life and he really could not consider himself an expert in romance, there was a little something that Poppy did not know about him... something no one knew, and that was the way he felt about Poppy, and how he expressed those feeling through words in private. Over the years his feelings for her would sometimes become overwhelming, especially on the days she really expressed and showed him and everyone else that she really cared about him. He needed a way to express these overwhelming emotions without Poppy ever knowing about them so he began writing his feelings down. It was incredibly therapeutic even if it did sadden him at times that he would never be able to express these feelings out loud, but even so he truly believed he was actually a great poet and songwriter, he never would have learned that about himself if it wasn't for her.

As Branch's thoughts wandered to the book of poetry and songs he always kept close to him at all times, he found himself absentmindedly touching his hair almost as if he needed to reassure himself that something that held great importance to him was still safely tucked away. Once he became aware of its presence, he once again found himself wishing he could admit his love for the troll princess one day, the tug in his heart once again making itself known. But although he wished for it, this time he didn't find himself getting depressed that he would never be able to admit those feelings to her one day. This confused him a bit, he always felt he could never be the troll she needed him to be, even if it were possible that he could actually become that troll, if he really is still alive, Creek was still in the picture, so even if he could become that troll one day he would never win against Creek… so why did he feel hopeful that he could? Shaking his head to rid of those thoughts for now he noticed King Gristle and Bridget had already arrived at their date destination and were enjoying their meal.

"Bridget!" He suddenly heard the troll princess still sitting beside him chide the scullery maid.

"Compliment him back!" She urged.

"I like your back." Branch face palmed… Seriously? Did Bridget or any of the bergens for that matter know anything about romance? He was starting to grow worried that this wasn't going to end well for her and them.

"No! I meant… say… something nice about him." Poppy was beginning to fumble, unsure of how to make Bridget understand her intentions properly.

"But I do like his back." Bridget answered innocently. Okay… that response confirmed Branch's suspicions… As far as romance goes, Branch was pretty sure he knew more about it than any of the bergens.

"Eh?" King Gristle responded confused, giving her a curious look.

"Um, uh…"

"Poppy! Help her…" Branch urged, King Gristle was starting to think something was up, if they didn't do anything soon this would be all over.

"Uh… your eyes… uh…" Poppy gagged a bit as she tried to look at King Gristle and attempt to pull a compliment out that she could feed to Bridget. Unfortunately this task proved to be a bit harder than any of them had anticipated.

"Ooh your… ears?..." Poppy was at a loss, it was obvious that she was unable to compliment someone she didn't personally find attractive. She was honest and Branch loved that about her, but that honesty was about to get them into serious trouble here.

"Your eyes uh.. ears uh…" Bridget started repeating after Poppy.

"Nose!" Biggie was the first of the Snack Pack to try and lend a helping hand.

"Skin." Chimed in Satin and Chenille.

"Neck." Copper included.

"Skin, neck, ears, nose, face uh your head…" Bridget was starting to loose track of everything being said and couldn't keep up.

"Are you okay?" This entire scene was starting to look ridiculous and the King had finally started to notice.

"Your teeeeettthh." Why was Guy Diamond singing right now? Branch covered his eyes with his hand and sighed, if someone didn't do something quick it was all over.

"Teeeeettthh."

"W-What's going on?! Are you making fun of me?!" King Gristle was ready to leave, clearly offended by the scullery maid indecisiveness and very confused by the entire situation at the moment.

"Your eyes!" Bridget shouted and paused for a moment when she realized that Branch was the one helping her. Clearly it was not a move she expected from him, and honestly Branch was surprised he was doing this right now himself, especially for someone of a race he considered an enemy for his entire life. But at this point someone needed to do something before they were found out and by now he knew Bridget had no intentions of hurting anyone, they all knew they could trust her. For him, it was simple to picture Poppy in this moment, instead of personally complimenting the bergen king, and recite one of the many poems he had written about her and memorized.

"They're like… two pools, so deep… I fear if I dive in…"

"I might never come up for air."

"I might never come up for air." Bridget was repeating his words confidently now, good it seemed he was able to smooth this situation over. At this point he was also well aware that everyone's attention was now directed at him, he knew everyone was probably incredibly surprised by him right now, he was acting in a way that was typically unusual for him but at this point there was no turning back now. So, brushing off the feeling of being watched he allowed his feelings for the troll princess to overflow and began to get lost in his own poetry as he continued.

"And your smile… the sun itself turns jealous and refuses to come out from behind the clouds…"

"Knowing it cannot shine half as bright…" King Gristle, seeming to have calmed down now, sat back down in his seat and smiled at the scullery maid.

"I kind of do have a nice smile… don't I?" Upon hearing this question Branch turned to face the troll that these words were truly meant for.

"Yes… you do…" A smile, sweeter then he had ever seen before formed on her lips as he watched her and Branch felt his heart pound in his chest. He was not expecting her to react that way toward him…

'Oh snap…' Did he just… Did she realize that those words he spoke were actually meant for her? What did he just do? What should he do now? Shyly he tore his gaze away from Poppy who was gazing back at him so lovingly. It was another look he never expected to receive from the princess; there was no way she could possibly…

Branch halted those thoughts from developing. Poppy likes Creek… Branch reluctantly reminded himself, and while he still had doubt that Creek was still alive at this point, he knew he was not the troll who could take that purple trolls place in Poppy's heart. Whatever the outcome may be, Branch had vowed to stay by Poppy's side right up to the end whether it was good or bad, he vowed to be there for her and make sure that beautiful smile never left her features ever again, even if it would never be meant for him.

"I can't believe I'm about to say this…" Bridget began without any prompting from any of the trolls.

"Guys she's going rouge!" Biggie worried.

"But… being here with you today… makes me realize that… true happiness is possible." Bridget's words did not only surprise and move the troll princess… they had stirred something deep within the grey troll as well. It seemed those words were the exact words he needed to hear to realize that hope and happiness was always bubbling deep, deep down inside him. Poppy had started to bring that hope to the surface once again on their journey, and Bridget's words had finally, truly made it known. If these bergens… a race that was known for living in misery, could find happiness without eating a troll… then maybe… just maybe Branch would be able to find happiness again as well. Maybe it really was okay for him to be happy… glancing at the troll princess his heart began to race again, she'd been saying this to him for twenty years, that everyone deserves to be happy, even a troll eating race like the bergens, it wasn't until this moment that Branch finally started to really believe those words as well.

"It is! True happiness is a lot closer than you think." King Gristle mentioned as he scooted to sit closer to the scullery maid.

"It's right here." He whispered suggestively as he leaned in close to Bridget and rested his hands on the gem holding his cloak around his shoulders. Branch was beginning to grow suspicious upon realizing the bergen king was not speaking of the happiness they were thinking about. What was he talking about?

"Ohmm that's… pretty I guess…" Bridget relented, obviously not interested in the King's gem he was now holding out to her. He seemed to pick up on her uneasiness and continued.

"What do you think now?" He added as he opened the locket to reveal…

"Creek?!" Branch shouted in disbelief.

"I knew he was alive!" Poppy breathed. Branch was now in complete shock, he was no longer paying any attention to the events occurring on Bridget's date. He was so sure that he had not been wrong about this one, from what they witnessed there was no possible way the purple troll could have lived and yet… here Creek was, being held hostage within the bergen king's locket this entire time. He just couldn't wrap his head around it and had no idea what possibly could have happened for the situation to turn out this way. At this point now, whatever hope he had at being able to maybe one day have a chance with Poppy were now completely crushed…

Branch was finally pulled from his thoughts when he felt himself, along with all the other trolls bring lifted into the air and away from their positions on the scullery maids head, completely exposing them for anyone to see. He quickly realized that Bridget and King Gristle had moved out onto the roller rink and a fancy spin had been the cause of this situation, he scrambled for anything to grab onto to while the rest of the Snack Pack held on tightly behind him and found himself reaching out to grasp the pink trolls hand who had been able to grab hold of the scullery maids hair. Branch and Poppy held on tightly to each other while Poppy tried to think of a way to rescue everyone. Bridget had been able to buy the group some time by sending the bergen king into a fancy spin of his own before he was able to look behind him and notice something was wrong.

Acting quick, the troll princess yanked on Branch's arm hard and was somehow able to pull everyone back safely onto Bridget's head again, although it wasn't very graceful. While the rest of her friends landed behind Poppy, Branch found himself landing right in the troll princess' arms, the grey troll was unable to contain the pleased smirk that formed on his lips upon realizing this. The pleasant moment didn't last long unfortunately as everyone quickly got back into his or her places once again. By the time King Gristle turned around to face Bridget again, it was as if nothing had ever happened. After that incident the two bergens continued to dance with one another and truly started to enjoy the time they were sharing together, that is until a bone chilling voice could be heard echoing through the restaurant.

"Your Majesty." Everyone literally froze, including Bridget as Chef rolled over to the bergen pair in her own pair of roller skates.

"You seem to be having… fun." Chef mentioned seeming a bit bewildered and confused. Unfazed by Chef's presence King Gristle responded.

"Oh I am! Meet… the lovely Lady Glitter Sparkles." Gristle introduced Bridget, and Chef eyed her very carefully seeming to pick up on something that didn't seem quite right.

"Hm… you remind me of someone…" While the rest of the trolls began to shake with fear upon hearing this comment, Branch stood his ground among the group, preparing to act in case the worst was about to happen.

"She's uh, gonna be my plus one." King Gristle chimed in confidently, breaking the awkward silence and relieving the slightest bit of tension.

"Oh I see." Chef acknowledged the King, before redirecting her suspicious gaze on the scullery maid once again.

"For a moment I was concerned you were… changing the plan." Branch could tell Bridget was beginning to loose her resolve, King Gristle had been able to ease the Chef's suspicions slightly, but Branch could tell that the Chef was still aware that something wasn't quite right about the female bergen standing beside King Gristle.

"Well this won't be a problem at all your Highness. I'll just get my worthless scullery maid to get another place setting for the lovely lady… Glitter Sparkles." That confirmed it, she was onto them, and they needed to get out of here… fast. While the bergen king grabbed Chef's attention once again Branch whispered harshly to the scullery maid.

"Bridget run!" Without a second thought, Bridget immediately acted on the command and raced out of the roller rink before King Gristle could even finish his sentence.

Bridget was able to make it back to her room in the castle safely and unnoticed. Rolling in on her one remaining roller blade, she soared around her room feeling like she was on cloud nine. She then pounced onto her bed excitedly, scattering the trolls who had been resting on her head, around her on her bed.

"Hah!" The scullery maid signed dreamily.

"I think the king really likes us!" Cooper exclaimed as he turned to face Biggie who was lying beside him.

"I know right!" The large blue troll responded.

"That was the greatest day of my life!" Bridget proclaimed like a giddy schoolgirl in love, before rolling over onto her stomach to face the troll princess. Branch couldn't help but smile at the scullery maid as well, he'd actually felt happy for her, his uneasy feelings from before now gone.

"Thanks Poppy!" Bridget acknowledged her, and the pink troll simply smiled at the happy scullery maid while nodding her head.

"Thanks to all of you!" She gestured to the rest of the Snack Pack before facing the grey troll who was sitting on the end.

"Even you I guess." She added less enthusiastically, Branch face fell with that comment. Hey, did she seriously forget who it was that pulled her out of that sticky situation when no one could figure out how to compliment the bergen king and who it was that told her to flee when Chef was bearing down on them! Branch glared at her but before he could retort the scullery maid had redirected her attention again.

"I just never thought that something like that could ever happen to me and it just did! I'm so excited I could just scream!" The giddy bergen continued before quietly exclaiming.

"Ahhh!" Oh well, Branch decided to let her comment from earlier slide, there was no way he could dampen the great mood Bridget was in now.

"Oh! I could scream too!" An ecstatic Poppy chimed in as she bounced to her feet. Branch glanced at her and smiled warmly, feeling truly happy that everything she had hoped for was coming true. Wait… happy… for Poppy?

"Creek is alive! Yay!" Poppy and her friends began to cheer, and even Branch hoped onto his feet to join in.

"Aaaahhhh!" Suddenly, he noticed he could no longer hear everyone else cheering anymore and stopped to find everyone starring at him. Great… what had he done now?

"Branch what's wrong?" Poppy asked him, voice tinged with worry.

"Nothing, I thought we were celebrating." The grey troll answered honestly.

"That's your happy shout?" Cooper asked in disbelief and Branch was finally able to realize what had caused everyone to stop. Way to bring a guy down guys…

"It's been a while." Branch deadpanned. Thankfully though, his spirits were lifted again as Poppy approached him stating.

"Well you're gonna have plenty of practice, cause we're gonna save Creek and life will be all cupcakes and rainbows again!" It was strange, here was the troll he loved more than anyone else, getting excited over Creek… the one troll who could infuriate him like no other… his only rival and yet… he wasn't annoyed he wasn't even jealous. Actually he had found himself smiling at her, seeing Poppy smile happily and act worry free again after watching her silently battle her anxieties and nerves over her friends the past two days was exactly what he had been wishing for this entire time. Her never wanted to see her upset, scared, sad or worried, her smile was perfect and she deserved to be smiling happily from her heart all the time.

"Up top!" He teased and the princess actually fell for it just as he anticipated that she would. Right as she brought her hand up to meet his, he quickly pulled his away.

"Too slow." Poppy looked back at him with shock, but the shock was quickly replaced with the same beautiful smile she wore when he had recited his poetry for Bridget and he could easily read that she was happy for him. He could not help but return her smile as well, probably revealing to her the first warm smile he had ever let loose in a long time. Something within him had changed when he opened up to her before they got Bridget ready for her date with the King. Happiness was beginning to make itself known within his heart again and the grey troll realized the source of his happiness… was Poppy's happiness… even if that meant she wasn't meant to be with him. He was able to come to the conclusion that even though he might never be able to reveal these feelings he felt for her, it would be okay as long as she was happy. As long as he could somehow always contribute to that happiness even if it was just as a friend, it would be enough for him as long as he could always see her smile. The tug in Branch's heart that he always felt toward Poppy when he thought this way began to make itself known again, but he was growing used to needing to ignore it, he knew now that as long as Poppy was happy, he could be happy and he could never ask for anything more.

"Okay everybody! Let's go save Creek!" The troll princess exclaimed, and the rest of the trolls were quick to follow her lead. But just as they were about to approach the door to exit the room…

"Ah! No!" SLAM! Bridget had inserted herself between them and the door, blocking their exit. What was she up to?

"You can't leave! Lady Glitter Sparkles is gonna be that King's plus one at dinner!" Bridget frantically explained, Branch cocked an eyebrow at her reasoning.

"The dinner where they're serving troll? Yeah… I think we're gonna have to skip that one." Branch responded before starting to make his way toward the door again.

"No! No, you have to help me be Lady Glitter Sparkles!" Bridget pleaded with him as she landed on her stomach in front of them to get down to their level.

"I need you!" She begged, Branch couldn't find the words to say, luckily Poppy did.

"You don't want to pretend to be someone you're not forever." The princess standing beside him stated, attempting to reason with the scullery maid, unfortunately what they were trying to convey just wasn't getting through to her.

"Then… how about just for tomorrow?" The young bergen pleaded again.

"Bridget, you don't need us anymore. You and the king can make each other happy." Poppy pleaded back as well, and Branch could tell she was starting to worry that the scullery maid wasn't going to let them go.

"That's impossible!" Bridget spat, seemingly offended as stood back up again.

"Only eating a troll can make you happy! Everyone knows that!" The scullery maid cried as she ran back across her room and threw herself against the collage she had pinned to the wall above her bed, she then slid down to her knees and tore the photos while proclaiming.

"I wish I'd never gone on this stupid date!" Well this was quite the mood swing that Branch was witnessing. Had this bergen learned nothing? Did she not remember herself stating that true happiness was possible without eating a troll? This was useless; there was nothing more they could do for the scullery maid if she herself refused to open her eyes as well as her heart. Branch knew that better than anyone, but Poppy on the other hand...

"Bridget…" Poppy called to her softly, attempting to console her.

"Just go! Get out of my room! Leave me alone!" Bridget cried and turned away no longer able to face the troll princess.

"Please listen!" Poppy pleaded, but Branch began to back away and tried to think of a way to get Poppy to go with him as well, the rest of the Snack Pack had already gathered behind them.

"BRIDGET!" came that bone chilling voice once again. That was their cure.

"We've gotta go." Branch urged as he backed away from the scullery maids room along with the rest of Poppy's friends.

"Bridg…"

"Come on." He knew better than anyone else, Poppy was having a hard time leaving the scullery maid alone like this, he knew every fiber of her being was aching to help her out in some way no matter how much Bridget tried to push her away. But with the threat of the Chef having now returned to the castle they had no other choice, right now they needed to leave.

"What's going on down there! Bridget! Scrub that dish!" A dish struck the hysterical scullery maid on the head.

"The King's bringing a plus one!"

"Yes Chef." Poppy lingered a bit longer, but upon realizing that there was nothing she could do for her new friend right now she too, although very reluctantly, retreated from Bridget's room to catch up with the rest of her friends.

0 notes

therisenson · 6 years

Text

12.16.2017

Morning Prayer.

Thank you Jesus, for this glorious sunny day to send my family and I off to California! I’m so excited and I thank you so much for the excitement that marks my morning/afternoon rather than anxiety/worry about the flight/packing/fighting with my parents, etc. I know that there are struggles to come on this family vacation (as there always is each year for we are all sinful human beings and I am the worst of them all), but I know that you will show up in your many unique ways and breathe grace into these last two weeks of December and show me more what it means to be Christ like. I pray that you will be with my family and I pray even more that you will be softening and warming their hearts up to Jesus - and perhaps even leading them into a relationship with Jesus through an invitation.

Lord, I thank you for rest. I still have that pesky, painful sore throat, and I can feel my ears aching along with it, and I am scared about the plane ride...but I pray that you will give me grace and perseverance. I pray that no matter how uncomfortable I feel, that I do not complain in a way that sins against you or annoys my family, but that with everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, I would present my requests to You. Every time I interact with my family, I pray to be changed and transformed so that they would see the powerful work of Christ in me - yet every time I fail because ultimately, I cannot be perfect. My family is broken and there are many things that set me off. I am a brat, a demon, a selfish spoiled princess with my family, and it is quite humbling to see it come out each time and remember that I am very, very sinful, even knowing Christ. But, you have defeated sin, Jesus. And even though we are continuing to fight lingering battles here, we know victory is already won. I may mess up over and over again, but you, Jesus, redeem all that. You are stronger than I’ll ever be, more loving towards my family than I could fathom, and more faithful and provisional than any person can be. Ultimately, even as I struggle to obey you and walk in your ways, would you open my family’s eyes to both the depths of my sin (and congruently, theirs) and the expanses of your holy nature. Would they be struck by this revelation. Would they one day worship you as I do. I know that suffering comes with following Christ, but as you teach me today in John Piper’s advent devotional...as we share in the sufferings of Christ as his co-heirs, so also will we share in his glory. Glory is coming...victory is coming. May I not look at these failures with tears and grief, but rather with hope. What Satan and sinful mean meant for evil, God meant it for good. May I truly trust in that, Jesus.

And so Lord, I just pray that overarching prayer over our vacation time in california. I am meeting up with my cousin’s family as well, as well as Ruyan. You know that I’ve thought briefly of thinking of ways to share the Gospel with them. Especially my grandma. But, my heart grows faint at the thought of it. What can I say that will convince her to believe me, Lord? When she has been with my Christian aunt for years? And, what can I even say in my limited chinese to her? I don’t even know how to say “grace” or “faith” or “praise” in chinese. I barely know how to summarize the Gospel in English...how am I to do it in chinese?? And I know I am praying about this far too late...foresight was never my forte, but I pray that should you intend for me to speak to her, about anything, that you would give me the words to speak. Would you give me faith to speak them. Would you help me to die to myself, to get past the awkwardness and embarrassment and discomfort of bringing up spiritual matters on a family vacation...would you remind me that I am not here on this earth to frolic about carelessly and aimlessly, but I am here for a purpose. Would you keep that purpose at the forefront of my mind as I go, Lord, away from the comforts of Philly, away from the small little reminders of faith that creep up when I go to church, CG, see people from my church, etc. I am going away to a distant place, with people who do not know you, and I have always feared my own faith wavering in these circumstances. But, would I know that you go with me - surely you come with me, wherever I go, so I have nothing to worry about.

Father, would you open up my eyes to intentionally and carefully seek out opportunities in which I can display grace and selfless service. I have always been a taker in my family. My ma doted on me all christmas last year. My brother carried our bags selflessly, without any complaint. Help me, God, to do the same. Help me, God, to intentionally love on my family. To be patient and kind, resolving to be diplomatic in situations sure to rise up where people disagree and get frustrated with the tires of traveling. But, would your hand steady me and root me in your peace that transcends all understanding, and would this peace overflow into my family and would they feel it as well. Please, Lord, I ask you to do this, so that they may know you. Jesus, give me wisdom to know how to navigate tricky situations. Give me grace and patience when my mother acts up and is sensitive about many things and picky about others and fights with my dad. Give me compassion and understanding when I think my dad is being unreasonable or unhelpful. Help me to forgive and love. To fight hurt with forgiveness and love.

Lord, I pray for denise and her perseverance during this time. I know that it is so discouraging to be in an uncertain time period where she does not know what her future holds for her and she feels like she is trying so hard and getting no where. I pray that she will know that even though it seems like the world is out to get her, God is for her. You are the one who will turn all her sadness into her joy. You are the one who will redeem all her toil. I pray that you will increase her faith and her reliance on you. Lord, you have encouraged me so much through her - from watching her be curious about you to finally coming to church and bringing the bible along with her when she flies to seattle with the intention of reading and knowing your word. Lord, I still hold fast to the hope that you will answer my prayer of 2017 - that you will make her into a newly transformed Christian...and in some ways I think you already have, and I honestly couldn’t ask for more. I’m grateful, Lord, for you growing my faith through her and ask that you continue to bless her and be close to her. Would you make her aware of your presence? Would you allow her to familiarize herself more with you? Would you bring about that real, authentic relationship with Jesus - not one where we’re in it to get something out of it, but one where we truly love the other party.

Lord, I ask that you would guide me in my decision making regarding CG leading. You know that I have many doubts about CG leading - how well Stone and I would function together (I can foresee myself getting so frustrated with him and feeling despair as sometimes I am afraid that I cannot convince him of something when he thinks he’s right), how I would most definitely fall into the sin of idolizing CG, if I’ll even be in Philly or working a job that allows me to have time to lead a CG, if I’ll have time to invest in non-christians if I have to devote so much time to leading a CG, etc. But, you know in all this, I can see this pattern of thinking it’s all up to me to “lead”. But, you are our leader. You are our strength. You are the one who’s going to carry everything. You tell me that you will give me rest; you ask the weary and burdened to come to you, to take your yoke upon us and learn from you, for you are gentle and humble in heart, and we will find rest for our souls. I pray to know that well, Lord, and I pray from that knowledge that my decision would spring forth. You hold me in the palm of your hands. You will equip me should you desire me to CG lead.

I pray all these things in your glorious name, Amen.

0 notes

honorthymunn · 7 years

Video

youtube

Enough is Enough...when I have no sensitivity and rarely around me...

Enough is fucking enough when I have to try to remove my own sutures, when I have to stop and breathe almost passing out just to get up the hill to the hospital which has no bus route.

When Doctors upon Doctors need an emergency contact and a support person and I just leave it blank...looking down as I whisper there is no one.

When I cannot even know the littlest yet to me most precious bits and pieces of Chloe as my oldest always states “Not Right Now Mom”...the right now never comes & my soul survives for the thought of her.

Elle, I am at her mercy for she has the info that could save me...My No Matter What promise to Chloe has loosened that noose on the tree when even hanging failed me.

I feel forsaken expected to laugh through the losses, walk hills faster with cancer, not worry, be scared, complain, reach out...anything cuz it interrupts her happiness.

So as Ive mastered suffocating in silence, in there again...at the mercy of the key-holder to what little left can ease the lack of breath shall it be a time she uses that key when nothing is going on in life if she has a minute.

The silent rage, sufferings, sacrifices and even simple needs will be here suffocating within me as a slowly fade.

My mother tortured me for almost a lifetime and still I honored her. My name was on her doctors list, I made time for her appointments, took care of her, bathing her, even the sacred act of tending her feet.

Although broken...her fears were eased as I digested her regrets and anger with little acknowledge until days before the end.Then I rendered my greatest gift ensuring she was not to die alone.

I took my own soul breathing it into her for what seemed like hours. Not even a thought crossed me as i am on ground zero with EMT courageous n selflessly giving her all the beautiful heartfelt words of worthiness so she got to feel that love, that honor...instilling her worth.

I divinely carried her soul through the realms of her passing. All this...to give her everything she refused me...her soul set a free.

Me accepting silent suffocation with little to no chance of ever relief...

All the while being assaulted on a soul level by an ungrateful younger brother who’s memory obviously vacated; attacking the one soul who threw herself in front of gunfire, violence, trauma

...even putting myself between him & one of Daddy’s Druggies who was like a beast sliding a knife up my 3yr old brothers neck just glaring as if I would scare and run.

Instead I boldly came face to face with Wild Bill his knife blade set to shred my baby brother’s head as he so innocently lied asleep.

That mutherfucker said “Someone’s head is being cut off here & now...Who’s It Gonna Be?” i swear the devil leaped out of his eyes testing my honor, my will and my love for my dear brother.

Swift as a wolf I raised my head up to him as I pushed my neck up high silently declaring...Then take me. Raising his Rambo style knife to my throat I never shifted my gaze...letting that bitch know you’ll have to behead me taking my life while you look into my fearless eyes.

Suddenly as if a ghost appeared his eyes where scared and he startled pulling back that blade before he jumped out Lil Frankie’s bedroom window onto the back storage & off into the night.

Hearing my mother screaming down the stairs rocking back n forth with ambulatory aid. I confronted her in disgust stating “What are you so freaked out & scared? Mom...”He pulled a gun on me”...again her needs

... so trying to inform her; he not only put a gun to my head in the hallway that night ...he almost killed my brother Frankie yielding a knife against his throat which was about the size of his 3yr old head...was as futile as expecting her to be a mom.

Springwood would force me to be fearless, protecting my Lil brother’s sheltering their pain by always throwing myself into danger to be the shield.

My dad was always huddled in some corner all scary like with a spoon that I guess held his drugs, lighting it over a glass of water. I was so scared & frantic that by chance if I didn’t watch over my brothers. my dad’s drug uses, and missed a cup of that water it could kill one of my brothers.

Well over a year I got up at 5am going through everything rinsing out all glasses of water also hiding residue. Fearing my Lil bros, unaware of the danger could expose themselves to it or worse drink one of Dad’s drug glasses of water.

No one knew of this besides my therapist, until confronting my mom prior her passing and now...in this random therapeutic rant.

One morning i awoke just a few minutes later than usual...knowing my bros were up early too I ran down the stairs into the kitchen.

Hence my worst fear...my cute Lil bro Marvin wearing my purple polo shit, with his cute cheeks, freckles and red poofy hair...was already in the kitchen taking an almost full drink from one of dad’s cups...

I panicked and instantly reacted by slapping him in the face with my right hand so hard the blow forced the water to spurt out his mouth. I barely saved him, ashamed I didn’t get to that glass...this moment created a trauma so deep it haunts me even now.

It was Not ..doing whatever I could to care & protect my bros not caring of my expense, as I’m the big sister if I didn’t take this job on they’d be scared, unable to protect themselves from the violence and trauma I so vigilantly & desperately tried to shield them from.

It was the look on Lil Marvin’s face...in sheer shock...traumatized by his big sister...and why she slapped him so suddenly when he did nothing wrong...that look of despair left me broken silently screaming what the fuck is wrong with my parents?”

...I couldn’t explain to Marvin or Frankie why I did that, They were too young to understand plus keeping them from seeing/knowing all the bad things going on was my job.

Trauma allows little memory of my plight, never telling them I often wondered if they thought I was a bad big sister...My Mom’s death last Dec. 2016 swiftly assaults me with that answer.

My whole childhood seemed in vain; as Frank verbally shattered the few patched up pieces of my existence. Especially him, I was devoted...

my parents left my brothers with this weird couple to watch them a few hours - lack of care - me not there - lead to a huge physical trauma to my Frankie.

One full leg was shattered, his pelvis broken and the upper other leg broken as well. He was in a near full body-cast for almost a year, only 4, mom & dad couldn’t keep him safe...so big sissy was determined to keep him cared for.

We lived in the projects and since mom barely made meals and we had little food most times. I would take Lil bros over to the rec center for free lunch every day.

There was this tight left/right/then left fenced entrance...no other way could we get in. So bis Sissy proudly smiled as she patiently and strongly carried her Frankie, in full body-cast which also had a bar connecting the legs to keep the core in place

...all the way from their apartment which was very far (in kid glasses) to that rec center for his daily lunch. Sometimes they’d run out and I gave up mine so my Lil bros would feel good & strong.

Relentlessly, for months, every day 1x or more severely struggled successfully getting Lil frank through that damn gate. He’d be hot(it was summer) in that cast and frustrated so I’d tell him don't worry little brother were gonna get through this gate and every time the struggle was worth it.

The trauma not only physically stunted him as he would have to re-learn everything, yet psychologically as well...he couldn’t talk saying words trying to get his point across. Sissy put on her teacher hat and sure a shit Frankie was talking again.

I also saw him as my savior...due to many violent scary experiences all occurring at night where I put on my Momma Bear hat giving myself in hopes I could spare them of the suffering and pain.

I was terrified of darkness w/out light. Laying in my bed paralyzed, too afraid to move as I could not see my surroundings...

I would cry “Frankie...Frankie...Frankie”; and that adorable red headed stunner at 2/3/4 yrs of age...would run into my room turn on my light...so I felt safe. We would fall asleep laughing and telling stories.

I prayed every night silently making my plea to God, that if he could put any pain or struggles my Lil bros may face on me to weather. I also prayed that if I have kids please please please help me save them from ever experiencing my type of sufferings.

I, being a child naively tried to make a pact with God. I would take all this pain, all this suffering, all the severe scary abuse and be brave always in exchange for giving my Lil bros a fighting chance at life.

I insisted he gave me any experience that would scare or hurt my Lil bros, as my scars to bear. Always reminding God my future family will be everything our family was not and my kids would never be abused in ways that I did.

Thinking back my thought process could only be unconditional love & hope for my Lil bros to not see what I saw, felt what I felt, experience what I experienced as I was already damaged goods but the boys...we can save the boys...right God?

Later in life i struggled with God...as Marvin was into gangs and angry at the world...then Frankie was just used as another player in this world’s sick selfish games

...everyone & everything to this day is shadowed by Frankie’s acts, being still a child 11/12, was acting out his abuse. I didn’t blink and protected Frankie from the backlash, injustices and judgements these acts would bring.

Even risking my own children defending his honor... This was important to me as I saw things bad scary things mom n dad even with friends used to make him do.

These struggles my brothers endured in my eyes were supposed to be on my shoulders, and as Big Sissy I personally blamed myself for their sufferings...believing i failed somewhere along the line

...and God had failed on 1 of only 2 prayers I prayed for nightly since I could remember...I hated him...Crossing his name out of every spiritual book I would buy...eventually learning many paths all led me back to Him.

For years I have suffered immensely feeling my failings to take better care of him earlier in life was why...now...in my greatest tragedy...i’m nothing but a piece of trash left on some dark lonely road in Ocosta.

..My son Sage, losing everything for an imminent noble plight, my breakdown suffocating silently as no hand reached my way. I was in this alone and with every missing of the mark; Frank would judge me, looking down at me, denying such; yet he either was blind to his own behaviors or this infliction of shame upon me is intentional.

The moral to the story, better stated stories’... on most levels is still up in the air.

My mom’s death... compounded with Frank’s, almost demonic in nature, verbal and non verbal abuse is long-suffering. Perhaps the Devil has been sneaking upon him years now...

Instantaneously when mom died, so did any goodness in Frank. Possessed, creating chaos on sacred ground, refusing Moms children, grandchildren, family and friends any sort of closure...In respect for impending legal actions I won’t prevail any further details...

In a short time span; I lost my only real longtime girlfriend and coworker to a tragic death, soon after my Kelly who glitters died in her sleep...then my mom died - devastatingly so did my brother frank...

Another child taken (via brotherly love) ~ My Sissy...my heart just cries out for her daily...constantly looking, searching, praying God will at least... bring My Sissy back.

My soul decided any hope of some family besides personally was dead. My safe place gone...

I always felt content knowing that If; Life May Again Rip Me 2 Shreds...I had Momma’s Compound, with the Satanic Scary Ritual Grounds & old creepy mossy forests

In Frank’s eyes; its a garbage dump hoarders compound...and by golly...against all consciousness, Mom’s rights, her will, the beneficiaries, that property, and all her items would be pillaged, dishonored, and by legal standards; straight up fuckin irrevocably damaged

#TheraputicRant #ArtbyNishkama #Disgust #Dishonor #heartache #MyLilBroz #traumatic childhood #NeverBetraySheKnows

0 notes