#JUDGE THESE KIDS ARENT MINE

[saintone]

So i have a new svsss theory.

First of all some context. Im a literature student. I read all those boring works aclamed by the critics that dont say nothing, but tell you everything at the same time. And I kinda get why we think the Uliles is a literature masterpiece or why Kafka was such a genius.

But hear me out. MXTX? Fucking brilliant.

MXTX is a great writter, but her work are also filled with deeper meanings to explore, and every single plot line can be connected, has a meaning, everything is there bc se wants it to and bc it contributes to the story.

And for me, more than a fictional funny story, SVSSS is a work with the quality to become an all time literature classic. So hear me out.

Shen Jiu was the protagonist.

He was the protagonist on the original sotry, on Shang Qinghua's original story. He was the fucking protagonist!

First of all, he had the looks. Natural elegance and otherwordly attractiveness. Sj was cononically a man whose appearence stuck out.

Second, he was powerful. Sj was "chosen one" level of powerful. He was a kid, showing signs of a promising cultivator's future, a kind of innate strengh that wasnt found in any other character of the story (ygy and lbh had to cultivate years, before they could show such phisical manifestation of their powers).

Third, his realtionship with Ygy. Like, that's some main character shit! "If theres something like loyalty on this life, i will give all of mine to tpu". Ygy going to look for him, dying under thousands of arrows? Greek tragedias pale in front of the lifes Qu Ge and Xiao Jiu, "big brother seven and little slave nunber nine".

Also, he was an orphan, and he was humble. The first atribute relates to the hero's construction in traditional fiction storys, the hero of unknown original who is actually a long lost son (*cought* Luo Binghe *cought*). But an orphan hero is a pretty common figure in fiction.

The second one gains more meaning in relation to MXTX's works and chinese culture. In her works, we commonly have characters from humble begginings who are judged by their upbringings. This is perfectly clear in MDZS, as Wei Wuxian is cursed and blamed for everything he dies,: but his worst sin is that he was a commoner. And the hatred he recieves contrasts heavily with the love the Jianghu holds for Zhan Lang. If you take the time to look for it, there ate many implicantions related to social class diferences in MXTX's works.

Shen jiu was hated by Liu Qingge for his "sketchy ways". And Sqq's ways were nothing but a reflection from his upbringing: a poor, homeless slave child.

It also isn't a coincidence that Shen Yuan was a rich kid. Like, just think about it! Some people think that Sy and Sqq were " the same souls with different lives and if Sqq life had been better he could have been like sy". But like, have u read Sy?

Shen Yuan was a rich kid who never worked in his life, and spent his family's money on online novels. Shen Jiu was a slave who was abused and fought with thooth and nail every day of his life to assure himself he wouldn't have to suffer ever again. A genious, who knew how to be safe on the streets even as an infant, with unbreakable morals, who protected the only one he loved even till the end (acá ygy). If it wasnt for ygy, shen jiu wouldn evem had gotten in trouble, in the first place.

Not to offend any Sy's fans but he is kinda selfish, and dumb (in a loving way oc). And he had zero, ZERO emotional responsability. Sy didnt gave SHIT about what anyone felt (bc to him, everyone were just "characters"). But he also was kinda emotionally constipated. His only priorities in SVSSS were being safe, and looking good and "elegant".

Like come on, the man was the living representation of that meme that says "everything's fine", whole the ropa is on fire.

So yeah, sy and sj arent the same soul (we can have two protagonist without reducing one into the other, but this is a convo for a other day i guess). Sy and Sj are actually opposites, and here the great MXTX gives us another wonderful jab. Bc Sy was believed to be kind, when everything he did was for his own safety, meamwhile Sj was truly kind, often risking himself to save others around him (aka Liu fucking Qingge), but he was always misunderstood.

And Sy was rich, had an easy life and didnt need to do any work (he was born in a good enviorment, in both worlds, having everything handled to him). Meanwhile Sj struggled all his life never attaining a true sence of safety.

This is why I say MXTX is true a genius. Sy and Sj are comppleate opposites for each others. If you analize her works deeper, you will start to find all these small connections that give meaning to every single action.

Now, back to the start.

Shen Jiu is our protagonist. But he fails. It's no one's fault, jut at the same time it's everyone's.

Yue QingYuan didn't come back. Shen Jiu waited for too long. Que Haitang didn't realize. Qiu Jianluo was a sick (rich) fuck. Wu Yanzi was there. Shen Jiu was human, and he made mistakes, and he was afraid.

Shen Jiu never gave up: he fought, he grew, he shone like the protagonist he was, unbreakeble, a 'protagonist halo' that protected him even as he went through hell.

But it didn't protect him psychologically.

And everyone around him didnt see what he really was. Instead of a protagonist, Sqq was tilted as the villan.

Now this is my personal theory, but the system couldnt allow a story with no main character. He has to replace Shen Jiu.

Enters: original Luo Binghe. Now lets analize Binghe. He was poor and humble at the beggining, but he had noble blood. Powerful blood. And a mother, a privilege young Sj didnt obtain.

Lbh becomes the protagonist, and here is when PIDW starts.

But Lbh also fails! Bc true heroes avoid darkness, dont fall into revenge. True heroes forgive, they become better people that their masters. Lbh is actually a worse versión of Sj, not a better one. If sj supoosedly preyed on women, lbh had a harem full of them. If sj hurt his martial brithers, lgh destroyed his sect. If sj was a menance to the Jianghu, Lbh literaly destroyed it.

And Lbh himself isnt even happy at the end, his Sjizhun dead, the world at his hands, a harem surrounding him and the deep, emptiness in his heart that cannot be fieled by anything.

Og! Lbh fails, and this is where Sy comes in.

Bc sj's presence on the story made such a mess, the system chooses someone who is his compleate opposite. Rich, selfish and dumb. And then it gets rid of Og! Shen Qingqiu

Sj dissapeares.

Did he die? We dont know. Is he in another world? Does he get his happy ending, does someone remember him?

We dont know.

We will never know.

Sj was rhe main character of this story, but now he is missing. And everyone else goes on without him. Everyone else becomes a person, something more than a character, as Sy realizes that he is in for this world and the people around him have hearts and feelings too.

Shen Jiu doest get that. He doesnt become a person, he doesnt get his arc. He is nothing more that a pitiful character.

This is why i think SVSSS is a masterpiece.

Shall we mourn forever the protagonist we lost. He didnt fit the narrative, thus he had to be taken down.

#scumbag system #svsss novel #scumbag self saving system #shen jiu #luo binghe #yue qingyuan #shen qingqiu #bingjiu #liu qingge #shen yuan #mxtx characters #mxtx books #mxtx

[sugarcupes]

𝑅𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑜 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝐶𝑖𝑛𝑑𝑒𝑟𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑎／ロメオとシンデレラ

for your information: i chose this song as the first song to post about on this page, since this is the song that got me into vocaloid and because it’s one of the OG vocaloid songs that is still carrying the fandom with other songs like world is mine

i haven’t done song analysis’ for a while so please don’t judge

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The song Romeo and cinderella is a about a teenage girl who is deeply in love with someone who she claims as her romeo.

it is already made really clear that their love is probably in a pretty fragile state in the first line“私の恋を悲劇のジュジュリエットにしないで” / “don’t turn my love into a tragedy like juliettes”. especially with with the tragedy it is clearing up the fact that their love is not a easy love thing to deal with. we still dont know why exactly their love would turn into a tragedy but it at least tells us that theyre not having an easy time with their love.

the first few lines after the first line dont tell us much about why their relationship isnt in an ideal state but they are showing us a sneak peek into their sexual activities.

you can already guess that it is going to have some sexual content in it by the time you reach line 6 “大人はもう寝る時間よ” / “its time for adults to go to bed” and by the time you reach line 7 you’ll eventually know that it’s obviously about sexual inter course.

line 7-18 arent that important for us RIGHT NOW but we’ll look further into them later but in line 19/20 she says “魔法よ時間を止めてよ 悪い人に 邪魔されちゃうわ” / “oh magic, please stop time villains will interfere” by “bad people” she probably means her parents who do not approve their love (in line 34 “パパはでもねあなたのこと嫌いみたい” / “my dad doesnt seem to like you that much” it is literally stated that her dad does not approve it that much) when she said “villains” since they’d be the ones to control her love life.

in line 20 “逃げ出したいのジュリエット” / “i’m a juliette who wants to run away” she claims to be the juliette of her story so now we have both romeo and juliette which she is projecting her love story onto but the thing is. she doesnt want to be the juliette. she doesnt want to be in a tragic love story like romeo and juliette, she wants to have a happy ever after like cinderella with her own romeo. all thats stopping them is her parents.

now that we have the main plot the rest if the lines arent that important anymore but there is still an important question why her parents dont approve of their love which is why we need many lines including sone old ones.

often you’ll hear her say “パパとママ” which is just dad and mom BUT if romanize it its “papa to mama” and you’d usually only hear little children call their parents パパ and ママ and by only i mean ONLY LITTLE CHILDREN if youre not a little kid you’d say お父さん and おかさん or sth else but not パパ　ママ. there is also that one line that says “ママの作るお菓子ばかり食べたせいね” / “its because i’ve been spoiled with the sweets mom made me” first you can find the ママ again and second the line itself is just something thats reminding me of little kid. if you read further into the text you’ll read many lines where she’s acting more childish and immature. A line thats also a big red flag for their relationship is “私のためと差し出す手に 握ってるそれは首輪でしょ” / “youre holding your hand out for me but isnt it the collar youre holding me onto?” which shows how he is not treating her like a lover should. at the end she says “嘘つきすぎたシンデレラ” / “cinderella lied too much” “オオカミに食べられたらしい” / “looks like she got eaten by a wolf” “どうしようこのままじゃ私も” / “what should i do?” “いつかは食べられちゃうわ その前に助けに来てね” / “some day i’ll get eaten too, save me before it happens”. with all these lines i’d say the real villains arent her parents but her “romeo”. hes probably taking advantage of her (especialky since has doesnt have a mature mind) and is making her depend on him which is why her parents dont approve their “love” this could be an explanation for why it isnt called “romeo and juliette” or “prince charming and cinderella” because her “remeo” is the tragedy while she dreams of being cinderella.

i really hope you guys enjoyed my analysis and i hope you understood my point of view

song: romeo and cinderella by doriko feat. hatsune miku

original title: ロメオとシンデレラ

#初音ミク vocaloid #vocaloid #hatsune miku #romeo and cinderella #miku hatsune #song analysis #Spotify

[bara-sen]

oof, i hope you'r doing okay. Dont apologies for putting urself first.hope your doing better now!

BUT YA! i really wish they didnt make a womens anatomy so taboo. Personally both male and female anatomy shouldn't be not discussed. Coz then this happens. Men who think they know all about it when they clearly done. Plus yk..other accidents happen when you dont have the proper knowledge for this kinda stuff. Plus women are anything BUT cheap. Id say were pretty expensive 🙄. Plus men feel so irrelevent they just HAVE to judge and give their un-wanted advice and opinions.

BUT YA I LEARNT THAT TOO, APPERENTLY SOME LOW LIFE DICK-HEADS MOLLEST WOMEN DURING UMRAH. istg that makes me so mad like wtf, yall go that far to do this on a holy site? like what the actual fuck. You have to be so down dirty and perverted and morally stupid to do this.No but seriously guys here arent different. Their so perverted and and shit its embarrassing to say that ik these ppl. Plus their so homophobic and believe women should obey men and shit. Like stfu and sit down. No one asked you shit nor will anyone ask u shit.

tysm!!!!!

For real like how many countries teach about a female's anatomy? Mine doesn't. We didn't learn shit about a female's body. Same for male. Like tf? They're so scared of educating this shit to kids? This is why shit like “birth a guy or you're a bad woman” happens like ydk how many families still exist that think that birthing a guy is a woman's responsibility like tell yo son to ejculate some xx cells mf(idk I'm not good at biology). PLS FORREAL LIKE WHO EVEN LET THESE KIDS OF PEOPLE INNNN???? THEY SHOULDN'T EVEN BE ALLOWED IN A HOLY PLACE LIKE THAT. THEY👏 SHOULDN'T 👏BE👏ALLOWED👏AT A👏HOLY👏PLACE👏

Always, these MFS are always homphobic and think that if they marry a girl it's their property I've heard the sentence “but she's someone's property now” so many times and it disgusts me like bitch she ain't no product she's a human. And my father still believes that when i said that I'll marry an older woman i was joking like no sir I'm in milfs- i did not mean to say that.

People say that white alt kids shouldn't be allowed to express their opinions but theirs another breed which shouldn't be allowed to express their opinions AND IT'S THESE MEN. like they act like they fuvkn own a girl like no you don't

#yate.asks

[warmau]

★ donation request: rich kid!au hongseok

judging by the huge amount of applause that’s just come from outside of the gym

you assume that means that the star of this show has just arrived

other volunteers start running around, frazzled and worried

this one - yang hongseok - is known to be a bit of a,,,,,,,,handful

which you don’t understand 

the guys just another athlete like everyone else 

granted he has won an insane amount of titles in such a short amount of time

and is currently the world champion of his boxing class

(oh -  you know - is well on his way to being a self-made millionaire)

you just ,,,,, don’t get it

how can you be moody and snappy when your life revolves around punching people - like get your anger out in the ring, dude.

either way, scoring such a huge star for your charity work is amazing 

so you’re going to bend to his every will, even if you spend the majority of the time hating it

hongseok strolls in, followed by his manager - kino - who you spent most of your time talking to on the phone in order to set this up

you introduce yourself to him and shake his hand, he’s been nothing but nice 

your worry is all but focused on hongseok

your charity is all about working with kids and helping them get into free sports programs

which means a lot of the people in attendance are innocent children 

so you hope hongseok keeps it ,,,,,, together

he shakes your hand - but seems almost annoyed by it - taking the glasses he’s wearing off and chucking them toward kino

“how long is this gonna take?”

is the first thing he asks and you’re already gritting your teeth

“only half an hour, we want you to talk to the kids about how you got into boxing and then take some photo-”

“kino, did they say photo-op? i never agreed to that.”

kino looks like he’s gritting his teeth too, but he’s probably so used to the treatment that he just pats hongseok’s shoulder

“it’s only two or three photos. it’ll look so good for your publicity hong”

hongseok shrugs his hand off, but veers off toward the table where your volunteers have set up drinks

kino gives you an apologetic smile as he follows suit and you just stand there gripping the clipboard in your hands so hard you think you might break it

it’s only been 5 seconds and i already know - i hate him.

you turn you attention away from hongseok though, you’ve got to make sure the gym is prepped and the kids who’ve come out to hear hongseok speak are all here

as you pass by, you hear hongseok mutter something about how this place is subpar and hot 

you wish you could tell him to shut it, he’s an athlete - a little sweat won’t hurt him

but instead you remind yourself: you need this, and the kids need this.

when you’re done and you’re ready to introduce hongseok to the eager crowd

you walk over to let him know, he has his glasses on again and when you tell him everything is ready 

he barely reacts - just stands up and takes off the denim jacket he’s wearing

it’s hard not to stare - the shirt is black and tight, and he’s a boxer so his body looks like its been carved from marble

but you make a point to focus your eyes on your clipboard and not on his dumb, beautiful face

hongseok notes that you aren’t oggling like just about everyone else 

as you lead him toward the gym, you have the urge to say something - to beg him not to put on that bravado hes known for when hes both out of the ring and in it

sometimes, he gets a little scary and mean, and these are kids so -

you skid to a stop and turn, hongseok raises an eyebrow and an annoyed look paints his otherwise (stupid, but godly) face

“um,,,,,,just so you know - the kids out there respect you, and they all think you’re cool so im hoping you can just,,,,,be professional?”

his mouth thins into a line

“oh, so you think im going to go out there and act like a jackass?”

“no-”

yes, that’s what im worried about genius.

“no, im just - theyre all young so-”

he doesn’t bother to let you finish, instead he walks right on past you and out into the gym

the kids roar into applause and you pale - you were supposed to go out there and introduce him!!!!

but its too late, and you swallow the horror that building up in your stomach 

because you feel like you just made everything so much worse-

“hi kids, im hongseok and im here to teach you that everyone in this room can follow their dreams! i followed mine and now im a?”

he points the microphone toward the crowd as everyone cheers out the words “world champion”

hongseok laughs, a big and warm smile on his face

and you blink in surprise because

oh my god, he’s doing really well actually?!!??!

the whole event goes so smoothly that you almost dont believe its happening

hongseok not only connects with the kids and plays with them well, but the photo-op he was dreading so much - is so sweet

hongseok is letting kids hang off his bicepes, he’s picking kids up on his shoulders, he’s letting them play with his boxing gloves and even has kino bring out some merch he has signed to give out

you’re in awe - this is not the snooty, flashy dude you saw half an hour ago

and whose been splayed across online news pages since he debuted in the boxing scene

he’s just,,,,,,,,,,,,nice

but then again - you remember what kino had said:this is good publicity

it could all just be an act

one of your volunteers, tall and often lost looking yuto, taps your shoulder and asks if you can go get some supplies from the charity van you guys have out back

you agree, rushing over to get the things and as you’re piling out the boxes full of tshirts and applications packets

you hear the back door open

you’re half hidden by the car, but you immediately recognize kino’s voice and ,,,,,,, hongseoks?

“i want to sponsor all of the kids.”

“hongseok, that’s gonna be a hefty check you know?”

“doesn’t matter, but don’t put my name on it - just make sure the charity people know those kids are all going to be able to pick whatever program they want and ill pay for uniforms or baseball bats or whatever they need.”

“alright, ill go find the manager.”

you almost drop the box you’re holding - there are over fifty kids in there and he’s going to sponsor all of them?!?!?! and not for the free publicity?!?!?

you rush back inside, dropping the boxes in yuto’s hands who gives you a confused look as soon as you ask where hongseok is

he tilts his head and you turn toward the gym, through the door you see hongseok is taking a couple of more photos and waving goodbye to the kids

kino finds you, and asks if you two can talk for a moment, but you shake your head

“i need to talk to hongseok.”

standing out back in the parking lot, you thank him - embarrassed about how you had acted before

“i heard you say you wanted to sponsor all the kids, and im going to be honest i -”

“you thought i was an asshole, just the way i am when im boxing or on a late night tv show right?”

you kind of give him a - can you blame me? kind of look and hongseok laughs again

up close, its brighter and more comforting then you imagined

“being a ‘softie’ doesnt get you far in my sport - so i act out, everyones like if you have abs like that whyd you ever be humble you know?”

you try not to giggle, but hongseok says its true 

“well thanks again, and i know it was rude of me to tell you to ‘act professional’ you-”

“listen, id do the same thing. plus, you are probably the first person with the balls to say it to me - you do know im a boxer right?”

you kind of fumble a little, because you dont know what to say

his tone is kinda flirty, but you’re trying not to think to much into it 

kino suddenly appears, reminding hongseok of another event he has to get to

he smiles and says another goodbye to you, before you have to ask

“wait- why don’t you want people to know you donated so much to us?”

“ah, same reason. the guys arent going to let me live it down when these photos of me letting kids crawl me like a tree get out so i cant imagine what theyd say if they know i spent most of my championship money to help out these kids and not buy like....a yacht.”

he waves again and you cant believe it but you feel something in your heart twinge

that night you get a voicemail from the number you’d used when talking to kino

you assume its a message from him about the event, but you’re surprised to hear hongseok’s voice when you play it

‘aside from the fact i donated a buttload to your charity - do you wanna have dinner sometime? i actually have enough money left over for that?’

you don’t believe your ears and play it back one million or so times

in the morning you drag yuto into a corner and play it for him

“do you thin its a prank?”

yuto scratches his head, “no - i think yang hongseok is interested in you.”

#pentagon scenarios #pentagon imagines #pentagon au #hongseok scenarios #hongseok imagines #hongseok au #member: pentagon #ptg scenarios #ptg au #hongseok #pentagon #sfw #donation commissions

[hexalt]

[ID: tweet by @neoduen reading, "Remember Ruth Bader Ginsburg used the doctrine of discovery against indigenous people in 2005. The doctrine of discovery was used during the conquest of the “new” world to say that you can colonize any land that isn’t inhabited by christians as non christians arent human]

[ID: tweets by @neoduen reading, “‘Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg cited the landmark 1823 decision in City of Sherrill vs. Oneida Indian Nation of New York. The ruling held that the repurchase of tribal lands did not restore tribal sovereignty’

I aint saying people cant be sad or whatev. But eh, not my hero"

let me type this again. i am not saying you cant be sad, or happy at the good shes done.

i aint saying you cant be worried about whose gonna replace her.

im not even saying you cant mourn her.

I am only giving you my POV on how i remember RBG.”

[ID: tweet by @KeInfoshop reading, "#RuthBaderGinsburg was anti-Indian. She enforced the racist “Indian character” of stolen land in cases such as Sherill v. Oneida. She wrote the majority opinion, saying the court must prevent “the Tribe rekindling the embers of sovereignty that long ago grew cold.”]

[ID: tweets by @KeInfoshop reading, “In Strate v. A-1 contractors, Prof. Sarah Krakoff says ‘liberal constitutionalists such as Justice #RBG & Souter, join hands with textualists/originalists such as Justice Scalia & Thomas, to frolic in the common law of diminishing tribal sovereignty.’

Always remember it was everyday ppl who experienced pain of daily grind to bring civil & reproductive rights to USSC, not #RBG. The balance of imperialist power teeters between liberalism & fascism is so precarious & wildly unjust. Join your local anarchist/communist org now.”]

[ID: tweets by @KeInfoshop reading, “In Navajo Nation v. U.S. re: breach of trust during mine negotiations, #RBG voted with conservative judges, and liberal judges stating monetary damages may be awarded if DOI Sec. misused powers during negotiations.”

“To those who fear a*rump controlled Senate & Court: did u vote for a Supreme Court justice? Does it seem fair & just a seat of law and governance is something u have zero say in? Join your local anarchist/communist/socialist org & prepare to build a future free of injustices.”]

[ID: tweets by @KeInfoshop reading, "In all the 38 Indian law cases during #RBG’s tenure, she wrote 15 opinions, which includes 9 majority opinions. Of those 9 cases, the Tribes only prevailed in one.”

“What’s horrifying to us is seeing all these Natives write “#RBG wasn’t good to Indians, but...” tweets followed by why we should continue to appeal to power rather than organize to take it.”]

[ID: tweets by @MistressSnowPHD reading, "American women tweeting about fearing for their bodily autonomy now that RBG is dead as though the story on detainees with uteruses being forcibly sterilized didn’t come out LITERALLY THIS WEEK"

"middle-class women tweeting about fearing for their bodily autonomy now that RBG is dead as though abortions aren’t already cost prohibitive to poor people"]

[ID: tweet by @RenyTay reading, "a Black man kneeled to protest systemic violence and RBG called it stupid. I’m gonna say what the fuck I wanna say."]

[ID: Facebook post by Roderick Douglass reading, "I love how white women are accepting Ginsburg's apology for her recent racist statements on behalf of Black people. That's not how this work. Ginsburg was a Supreme Court Justice and a vocal racist. And now she's a dead racist. If you're worried about Roe v Wade more than the fact cops been murdering actual Black kids for DECADES (while *already* restricting low-income Black and brown women's access to abortion), which Ginsburg thought protesting against was "dumb," you can eat shit."]

#ruth bader ginsburg #history #law #politics #racism #antiblackness #indian #indigenous #native #long post #death #*

[misterbitches]

Hello! @flootweed replying to the post from before. the long format was killing me. why does tumblr look like this...

I haven’t watched episode 8 yet...or have I? If it’s the most recent one. No.

Is the hornbill a bird? It probably is but I have a terrible memory and I’m dumb so. I skipped the last few weeks because I’m scawwed. How are you liking it? I did see someone say that the hornbill makes sense (without knowing what it is...at all) bc heart transplant patients only live like 5-15 years after but someone in those comments pointed out that he was so young when he got his and that’s pretty rare so he has a higher likelihood of survival. Frankly, this is the only way I will proceed. Since when did shows ever care about the heart transplant health? Never and it needs to stay that way!

What did we think of ep 6? LMAO. I need opinions! And omg it makes me feel special when I can point things out to people because I so...rarely get to LOL. Editing is like one of my favorite things ever so I can be super particular about it but I try to do the thing you do when you’re supposed to see if it works within its context. I’d like to go in with scissors and glue but alas. 

THe mic covering....the rustling....it’s like guys...please. Ironically the audio today wasn’t great. I don’t know why. IDK if you watch c-dramas but I am not even sure what’s worse between them because they dub their dramas. But actually no it’s best to have the dubbing because even tho it is painful they have to put a lot of effort into it. LOL. 

Right? @ Aey! It’s just weird if they would show us more about what he’s done instead of saying he’s done sth bad and not even explaining that....like you could even do some shitty exposition. I think if he is to be a true villain then we really need to be privvy. All the warnings make it seem like he’s a fuckin’ serial killer so when we get the scene of him at home it’s like....actually this is really serious? Maybe his pain is like...for a reason. Althought you won’t even TELL US WHAT HE’S DONE WRONG BESIDES BE JUST FUCKING WEIRD AND ANNOYING! So from what we have it’s just a realllllllll fucked up sad person lol. god i forgot about the dinner! and i totally agree. he really needs them to succeed. i like your theory because it would make the scene where he like blocks the twitter user make more sense. he also says they dont really know each other etc so it’s realllllyyyyy probable that he just sees it as a way out. if not then we shall pretend u wrote it :)

god yea i wouldnt say it is art but i also guess we technically have to since it is technically. in the way that technically performance artists are artists but mostly i uh technically ignore them. Also one of my fav BLs is called the best twins. If you do not know what it is I will not elaborate further.t 

i want to know more abt poli sci majors lmao but they sound DRAMATIC/ hopefully most ppl in ur cohort arent losers! 

hahahha i understand. there was just a thing on twitter about DSA and then the day before about reading discourse. the same thiings. over. and over. and over. and over. we are our own worst enemies but also our own best friends? but i hate tankies and that wont change. but hasan’s a decent guy. he said sth abt black ppl during biden’s primaries in GA or whatever and i was like chill. but he’s insecure and has adhd which means ur more open to being wrong and changing otherwise u will suffocate and die. 

and totally about hiding fuck ups. i’ve tried really hard bc of organizing IRL to like...be honest, question, etc but also like...approach it naturally? because if you’re trying to be perfect and so worried you’ll fuck up you don’t realize that puts  more stress on you, makes you seem like a robot, and could potentially not make you realize the mistkaes you made. also if we’re privileged in certain spaces there is just no possible way we won’t get something wrong. im light and i know that honestly any way to speak up on colorism is going to be difficult and that’s a space where i have power so i just have to figure it out. we should be uncomfortable because we have to sit with unpleasant feelings and sort through our own whatever. that just makes the next time even better and people can trust u more.  i think some people sweat it sooo much or maybe they think their personal life and what theyve been through is more the norm? on the other hand people can be sf reactionary in the worst way and idk what their issue is. there was also a user who said sth very inch arresting about tankies which i thoroughly enjoyed (how like violent lefitsts or tankies / ppl who are like ooh a gun whatever just want to be violent in another space so they have shit tendencies from jump and nothing of substance which i think i agree with tbh fo ra lottttt of ppl. like their anger is actually like “no im about to beat that ass” instead of what we actually want to get done) 

sort of in the same vein re: taking it easy...we coudl all be more understanding too. to slow it down like you mentioned about not being privvy to fucking eveyrthing and saying anything on our mind. i saw this person talk about y2k which was a huge deal while happening bc it was the turn of the millenium (bruh were u even alive?) but this twitter user grew up in a super super SUPER religious household and was like why do ppl make jokes about Y2K it was insanely traumatizing? though my first instinct was confused ive tried hard to like look more before i judge especially thanks to a friend of mine. turns out that with the further reading the more we found out he was just really traumatized; it was very common in religious households to be afraid of 2000. so we could have come at him with no understanding and he could have thought that everyone had the same experience with that year that he did. his feelings sit precedent though but i think it was just very hard for him to fathom. 

i didnt reply bc he didnt need that and what could i have said? he’ll see what the truth is with exposure and unfortunately this was something he really did go through. 

and that’s what makes most people think others could be over the top. because it sounded ridiculous but then it was this huge traumatic thing that we could have never known about. so maybe when someone sounds like actually crazy they have an explanation? of course some ppl are just batshit or annoying but that’s anywhere not just leftists it’ just means more i guess when a ~~librul is annoyed~ but it can be easy to want to make fun of ppl too. lmao.  basically what i am saying is the internet? especially twitter? for leftists? in this economy? bitch it’s the wild west out here.

i am 29! idk if i said it or not. i am OLD u probably werent even born in the year i was talking about wah. i know not old-old or old at all but compared to you i’m due for a colonoscopy.

omg i hope u can get vaxxed soon! are you wfh rn? i hope ur also not in a bad state as in state state not state as in ur being :| bleh what a fucking time. it sucks that you have to fucking do work. well unless u like school. which i hope u do. i just assume everyone hates it cos i did lmao

was it the lindsay ellis drama? that bitch is dumb. if there was other drama oh wait the drama i was referring to it all happened on the same day. idk book twitter that well but i saw something from someone who was abt that shit and wowie! the american people are not that.....intelligent to put it lightly.

i’ll get better. ppl tell me they miss me and im like aw. i have insanellllyyy bad insomnia and a lot of stuff happened this year HOWEVER I SLEPT FOR TWO DAYS FOR 8 HOURS AT A REASONABLE TIME. im a new woman.  anyways you too! i hope ur not too burnt out with school. we just dont know when the burnout is or we just dont know we are burnt out until we are. the panaramiciccici hit and all the things i was ignoring kind of just fell on me and sooo much happened at once. and frankly it’s hard to take care of ourselves. lord. 

Like if you aren’t interested in expanding on the issue in a way that hasn’t been done before all you gotta do it like… spread resources and donate if you can. I dont see the point in having to say something about every issue especially if you (not at you specifically just in general) aren’t immediately impacted by the issue. Like is the 14 yr old white marxist named sarah on twitter really gonna have meaningful insight on anti-asian violence ?

this is part of why i cannot telecommunicate. i dont want to do shit on the internet. i am able bodied so i know that this time has been of such ease for other people. but mentally i just can’t. i don’t have a comment on hand like that and i hvae no desire to engage with ppl that way. i am a super super super solitary person but thats bc it’s MY time so when it’s like all this effort with other people i dont ever want to be alone. it’s the same with the way i approach filmmaking. it isnt a sole thing so i hate it not together. that’s part of how u can get so sucked in and repeat doom scrolling. i was in this webinar last may after [redacted] and this black woman prof said “read with a community and talk” because otherwise she said we are torturing ourselves. you can’t carry that weight all on your own. unfortunately i hate zoom, discord, slack, signal, whatsapp, facetime. you name it this panera has made it evi.. L

you make a really excellent point. i think the young young gen zers are really really just interesting because it’s like this whole new world for them with leftist politics and they just can’t grasp the horrors of the world and the kind of freedom being a leftist can bring. and so many people don’t grow out of it. those people so happen to be the “least productive” in terms of how much time they spend IRL withe these issues. naturally, younger kids are gonna have a harder time. they are not as mobile as well so the internet becomes this place. but then it’s this echo chamber. and many times just things posted without sources. and social media NEEDS that to exist.

i think of the irony of leftist kids on tik tok and while i am happy it’s reaching them it’s just....different. very different. the growth of social media is so good but also so fucking sad, it’s too much! i think the point about not writing everything is major. even i have to do this which is part of the disappearing.y ou need to detach and make sure your head is on straight again. but when you think eveyrone has to be privvy to every thought and you can’t just sit back....which twitter and social media doesn’t encourage. you have to join in. that’s often why when i have something to say it is dense because i don’t feel like repeating it. ever. lmao ust ever. i cant pay attn. social media is a fucking minefield for my brain u can get so lost in it and absorb it but once u start talking you may not be able to stop. 

i think a big part of that is it not being a leisurely thing but sort of just in our lives always. this sounds like a grandpa rant but ykwim. We dont have to see the same thing over and over again. And eventually it gets sincerely diluted or its diluted bc of capitalism or whatever. Or if theyre very young or maybe they don’t have like the greatest way of sharing the knowledge? then it can be butchered. I hope this is making sense...i’m talking beyoond the boring surface-level milquetoast shit. i see really ahistorical stuff on there from leftists (like this thing about NK + africa and it being a beneficial rship as opposed to a um not beneficial one. and it isn’t.  beneficial but this young black girl was talking abt it and noname rtd and i was like it’s just too complex. there’s no good/bad here just bc it’s not america. dont get me started on this.)

but Lol that was kinda off topic but I think what I meant in my last reply about not turning off the voice in my head is about when I consume media, not necessarily when I’m online talking about. Even if I have criticism for something, I’m usually pretty chill when consuming fandom content bc I think being serious online all the time is kinda boring. Like sometimes I’m analyzing theme and shit but really most of the time im memeing.

exactly.........gotta laugh. thats why sometimes im like i cant think lmao. unfrotunately i have been ARGUING with ppl on the internet for rly no reason when  i could have replied to ur very nice fun wholesome message. i love torture. i miss memes.

“ i think the people who get the least enjoyment out of that are those so obsessed with getting upset with anyone thinking outside of their lines as if it equates to them “ EXACTLYYYYY

kekekekeke im glad u got it. it’s like with conservatives throwing around snowflake. now im beginning to question who the real complainers are. 

LMAO exactlyyyy. i posted a screenshot of this writer from twitter saying that exact thing. Like first of all, I’m...an adult? and if you are as well uh? i’m sorry for you but are we 12? But how is it affecting u this viscerally? And if it does why dont u...do...research? pihgofuaipoajghou but honestly everything u said. we’re trained to go into it with nothing. i was only around ur age when i started to get more serious about this stuff but you’re like lightyears ahead of where i was at 21. did i say this but i’m in iww and literally i can tell u in 2016 i did not think 2019 me would be in a union bc i told my friend in a train station that we don’t need unions. i was 23...but the thing is i didnt know what i was talking about. at all. and i knew i didnt know and she knew i didnt know and now i am the clown.

also yes at critical engagement. i had to learn so much through experience and this is tuff that i coudlnt be shielded from. there’s an empathy you kinda have to develop and this understanding that you move through the world as this person who is “nowhere and everywhere; nothing and everything” so i’ve always had to think about things differently just to survive. that’s also what can drag a lot of people towards it like theres so many black kpop fans bc i think a lot of the pain in SK can be mirrored (sort of) through our history. and theres currently a history now but it had to be forged. uh what was my point oh yea however i wouldnt have been able to move further if i didnt have my background to go off of  bc i knew something was off when i started getting into all these things (ill give u a hint) but if i had no prior knowledge and didnt have to think about it then the critical approach is either stale or stupid. 

i had to research but i dont understand how ppl are so bold with little to no research and understanding? thhey just inherently know with also like ZERO experience in what they need experience in. engaging critically means “how i see the world” with dashes of trying to be open adn understanding or whatever. actually that’s another thing like being afraid of criticizing things bc theyre foreign to you so u give it a pass (like we discussed) but it doesnt hAVE TO BEEEE JUST REAAAAAD and then take all the info ur teensy brain and apply it. be a normal human being and dont be fucking rude and racist. thats it! u can complain abt literally anything without being a dick.

as we start with LW and end with LW.....what do we think (i asked this already) omg please share wbl thoughts i THINK i know what ur talking about. well it could be two things; their rship when they came back and the physicality and then pei shou yi. i almost dont even want to use my brain to fucking look at that. i think wbl can get away with more bc of visual~*~*~* reasons (like literally, the look of the show. there’s more space to get lost in the frames. many thai dramas are a lot more literal? this isn’t the right word but it’s very heavily character focused particularly bc of $ i think) though good production also underscores flaws so i am also wrong. but like do u know what i mean? u have to kinda focus on it? or maybe it’s just cos like.....ur so used to it in thai bl idek. i’ve seen tw bl ofc. 

look i swear i will justify this forever bc there are some things we miss right but if u feel like someone’s a bad actor....theyre bad. it’s about tone movement etc etc etc and since most thai bl productions have 0 interest in that....well. they take these newbies and put them in these situations. we dont understand thai but if we see them and we’re like “wow this is really bad” then they’re bad lmao. IDC i will never be like cos idk what theyre saying NO WHY HE LOOK LIKE A ROBOT???????? DOES HE EMOTE? why is he CRYING WITH NO TEARS? and it’s not even a total requisite to cry with tears(i mean for me it is) but it’s just like what is happening on ur face right now young man????????

painful.

the inflection stuff is very valid ooh good point tho but that’s only a part of the piece. plus we get used to the way they communicate. like the ppl from sotus were prtty bad. i dont like that show but thats an ex of ppl liing the actors and the person i thought was better other ppl dont think that? well apparently hes a shitty guy but. um. so when theres decent acting its so glaring.

although i must say even tho i dont care for 2gether anymore and would never like to be reminded about its existence (only bc i just cringe lol) i honestly....didnt think bright was a bad actor? but people keep saying he is and i am much more inclined to believe them than myself. though i am not often dickmatized that could have been it. until he opened his mouth and ruined it and then i stopped paying attn.

although honestly i’m so much more critical than i could be positive. i have ben stumped for the last day about how i wasnt mad at his acting in the show. is it me? is it him? who’s......the wrong one.....(me) 

oh shit they have been denied? i haven’t been paying attn to whats been going on recently. i just got into it on MDL because of snowdrop. sometimes i literally cannot engage bc ill just be like alright well im black so this power button in my head is going off when ppl talk abt that shit. back in the day when kpop jawns were saying some real outta pocket anti black shit (now everyone is slick with it) it’d always be THEY DONT HAVE GOOGLE THEYVE NEVER SEEN A BLACK PERSON but really it’s like no...maybe they are just racist? that’s ok too.

also the past 2 weeks have been um atrocious bc how fucking easily people fell into the pit of white supremacy and started to turn their ire towards black people and making a competition between our groups just like they wanted. it’s not about the women who are dead anymore, who were sex workers, their womanhood, being asian, being poor anymore. it’s about how much black people get attention and why people only pay attn to us. i am not feeling very generous this week for ppl to excuse that hsit.

on a lighter note, ppl say that abt the whole husband and wife thing. i dont know how to explain how angry that shit makes me but maybe it’s because i do not want to think of my body in relation to a fucking penis at all hours of the day. if bls could kindly not do that it would be nice lmao 

yes there are a lot of those. who are only there to gawk lmao. and just idk worship bc of the cult of personality thing bc of how weird and open they have to be as actors. some of the others are people who /think/ theyre really smart (i think im asmart but i also think i am very dumb and i have adhd to prove that MEDICALLY!!!) but are actually not? or their observations arent great? or idk if they are they arent interesting? but i think well..........we have more refined palettes :P

jk also theres just different personalities. you and  i mesh more bc we have a lot of the same beliefs and are coming from the same place. that makes it easier to understand as well. i really try to remember that but some people are really weird so. again just...the perception of certain things even down to acting skills. but i also dont like.......believe this genre can really do anything at all. on one hand i want them to do it right bc it’s a piece of work so they should. be proud of it. cos most things arent advancing us bc representation and culturalism are a lie bla bla. it’s just that when the depictions are negative or not done well it adds to the problem as opposed to the things that are well done are fairly benign and can’t really pull us back (perf example is the black panther film. i woudl definitely not say it was transgressive as a literal work but visually it’s just stunning. and it’s sad that it’s stunning and surprising but still with basically an all black cast of mostly dark people abd like what it means in the zeitgeist yes. it’s also just a good movie. but it’s still imperialist prop and unfortunately and this is fucking pathetic to say it “opened eyes” in other countries where they hate black ppl and ignore their own racialized minorities HENNYWAYSSSS a better ex is moonlight except moonlight isnt mainstream and is indie tho...still thru a funnel of capital bc a24 but who cares bleed the fuckers dry is my motto. my point is moonlight is both a great work and doesnt bring any failures to the table and its existence helps in ways outside of art but they arent the defining things giving us material advancement sooooo i mean it’s complex (this is my conclusion to everything um guys it’s complex) 

er i had one more point in conjunction to above. oh yea so i like dont need all these extra things to make it progressive. like people really want more women in the show and i am honestly like i really dont. i dont want them to actively do this. if they cant do it naturally then let someone else do it. i am not asking for more bc i dont want it from them. when something comes along i embrace it but i do not see why women should be represented when the genre RELIES on patriarchy. there is no complete satisfying existence for the women in these series. i dont want it. i dont ask people to show us~*~* or respect~* like fuck no the people who make it make it and hopefully more will make it in the future but i will not beg bc THEY DONT WANT TO DO IT SO WOULD FORCING IT MAKE IT BETTER? just fucking leave them out entirely. that’s the answer if theyre gonna make nasty female characters then those bitches can geaux. we have other plcaes to be. booked. and. BUSY!

[rvnjun]

should've known | lee jeno

genre: super power au! angst  warnings: graphic death scene, blood, and obvi death a/n: im proud of this one but it made me want to go back and rewrite parts of haechan and jaemins fic :\

The Dream Team M.List

jeno wasn't born with his powers which caused he a lot of damage

he had to learn to adapt to life with them, had to suffer the unexpected consequences of suddenly having powers 

12 years old, his parents were cooking dinner while he played video games

it was a new game so he was still in the midst of creating his character and choosing his weapon 

luckily he had his homework done so he had extra time to decide and play

unluckily he was planning them at the wrong time

a lab was doing experiments on a person with creation powers nearby

the lab surged with power, sending waves of electricity straight to jenos game

his body jolted and erupted with electric shock, the weapons on the game manifesting themselves into his head 

screaming in pain weapons began to spread around the room, all the weapons on his game taking form in real life

his parents were so scared, they rushed him to the hospital, weapons piling in the car

he was treated for electrical burns and introduced to a power therapist who he would end up spending most of his days with 

they didnt want jeno, they didnt want a freak of a son

the power therapist took care of him and made him feel semi normal

he had to transfer schools because he got kicked out of his old one

as unfair as it seemed, they had a right to kick him out

unable to fully control his powers still he was constantly making weapons appear at random times

which put the kids and teachers around him in danger

he spent a few months which his power specialist working on school work

before he finally had his powers under control to the point he could choose when to summon a weapon

and that moment was when his power specialist changed his life once more

he sat him down and looked jeno in the eyes “Jeno you have a gift, not many people have the ability to do what you can do. now what you choose to do with it is up to you. in the meantime i know some kids I think you'd get along with well.”

haechan and jaemin, two other kids with powers 

they were funny and talkative, he got along with them easily

and most importantly, they never judged him for his powers

they thought they were amazing

jeno had always seen his powers as a curse, his own parents never looked at him the same 

but the specialist, haechan, and jamein all had the same look in their eyes

awe and curiosity

the three of them were close friends when they met renjun, a feisty chinese transfer student with drawing manifestation powers 

together the 4 of them started a team

despite how much his powers scared him, hearing the way haechan and renjun talked made him want to

besides, he knew that if something went wrong and they ended up urt, theyd always have jaemin there with his bright smile 

joining their future super team were chenle and jisung, both introduced to them by the power specialist 

together they formed The Dream Team

a super powered team of seemingly ordinary teenagers who did their best to stop crime and unlike most villains, use their powers for good

all they wanted was to help others and give the gifted a good name again

jeno felt like the past years of his life were a rollercoaster, full of so many ups and downs 

he was finally happy thanks to The Dream Team

for the first time in years he felt normal thanks to his friends

after years of pain jeno deserved it

that's when he met you and his life got even better

y/n l/n, another gifted 

jeno met you after a fight, The Dream Team was hugging each other on their job well done when you approached 

you'd been watching them the whole time without them knowing

curious by what they were doing and their powers you used your own to spy

if someone asked jeno what his first impression of you was it wouldn't be hard, he’d tell them that your powers suited you 

you were awkwardly, fumbling over your words as you tried to speak to them

it was hard for you to explain what you were trying to

after nearly 10 minutes of you trying to talk and haechan complaining you finally spit it out 

“i was watching you guys and i want to help you. now my powers might seem very useless to you guys but if you really think about it, i could be very helpful. i could make a great distraction!”

jeno wanted you to join right away but he knew the others wouldn't agree

haechan looked at everyone and spoke up “ well a) we don't even know what your powers are and b) this team kinda consists of friends and you dear person are a stranger who is nameless im assuming as you didn't even tell us your name,,if you have one ”

you immediately looked away at his words before stomping your foot on the ground and pouting 

“MY NAME IS Y/N L/N AND I CAN TURN INVISIBLE!” you yelled at the top of your lung startling everyone

obviously you went invisible and jeno freaked out

“no wait y/n don't go! we won't let you join right away but you can hang out with us to see how things go!” he hollard earning him looks from his friends

they could tell why jeno was so eager for you to join, the fool had fallen in love by simply staring at you 

the rest was history

you joined The Dream Team as their manager/assistant type of person, soon after you and jeno started dating, and of course you became friends with them all

jeno loved you, you were always there for him and putting a smile on his face

you both got shy from affection so you never did any in front of the boys but that didn't stop them from teasing you nonetheless

almost everyday you and jeno went to a cafe for drinks

“would you rather have your current powers or haechans power?”

youd ask making jeno laugh “i think id rather have mine because if I had haechans powers,,i might not have met my friends or most importantly,,you”

jeno and you were in love, both having rough pasts where neither of you were born with your powers and a freak accident caused them, and both of your parents abandoned you and you moved in with a close friend

which only made you guys closer

one of the things jeno loved about you the most was how caring you were during a fight, especially the particularly bad ones

like the time jenos nose was broken after getting smashed in the face with a cat figurine 

you pouted and told jeno you wished you were jaemin and could heal him with your smile

which caused jaemin to jokingly yell at you saying that healing smile was his thing and you needed to get your own brand 

today was one of those bad fights

the boys went in to fight what at first was only one villain but that one villain had a team they didn't know about

the boys were almost all separated 

renjun was drawing as fast as he could, his creations starting to look more and more like a 5 yr old drew them

the weather was close to a hurricane thanks to haechan 

jaemin was freaking out and smiling like a psychopath , without knowing who he was if you saw him you'd think he escaped from an insane asylum 

chenle and jisung were together, about to pass out from using so much power

it was going bad but it got even worse when jeno got separated from the rest

trapped in a room with one of the bad guys he felt his panic arrise 

‘i dont have time for this,’ he thought, images of his friends struggling flashing in his head

the guy lunged forward and hit jeno with a good blow, blood splattering on the wall

jeno felt his panic be replaced with anger

he was practically shaking from his irritated he was

“i know about you and your team, i know who you really are. you're a bunch of highschool kids, did you really think you could beat us?” the asshole spoke 

jeno stared up at him as he added one “i know you're dating that freaky bitch that goes invisible to distract us.”

the smirk on the guys face made jeno feel disgusted

hearing the words he spoke not only about his friends but you sent him over the edge

you were the guys that saved jeno

“where is that bitch anyway? arent they normally he-” he didn't get to finish his sentence

swords appeared in the air, piercing through the air at rapid speed

the man was stabbed multiple times

he gurgled up his own blood, coughing in pain as he fell onto the floor

“fucking bitch,” he said while clutching his chest in pain

jeno was about to leave when he heard a horrible sound

“je,,,jeno,” a disturbed sweet honey-like voice coughed out 

his stomach dropped and his heart felt heavy 

“y,,,y/n?” he turned around, tears already pouring down his face

your ribs had been broken like twigs, gashes oozed with that desparible red liquid, your mouth was hanging slightly open as more of the liquid steadily poured out

your face began to pale, your eyes already looked lifeless

falling against the wall you slid down, a trail of blood being left behind from where your back was placed

“I just wanted to help,” your voice was barely above a whisper, you sounded so broken

“y/n!!” jeno screamed almost as loud as chenle 

running to you his knee betrayed him and gave out inches form your body

“oh my god,,what have i done,” he involuntarily sobbed, body shaking from screams 

warm tears flowed down his cheeks like a waterfall, leaving behind a wet trail of despair 

“no no no,,oh my god,, JAEMIN!!!!” he screamed for his friend to come save you

if you saw his smile, if you saw Jaemin you would be fine like it never happened

only a few seconds had passed but jeno was screaming out begging for jaemin to hear him and come

getting closer to your body, jeno wrapped his arms around and held you

not caring about the copious amounts of blood covering his clothes

“you'll be okay y/n, jaemin is gonna save you,” he didn't sound sure, it was as if he was convincing himself instead of you

you never spoke or moved, all you did was stare at jeno

rising slowly, you painfully and involuntarily took in more breaths

your lungs, it felt as if they were being ripped apart from the inside, only filling with more blood 

“i,,i just wanted to help,” you barely managed to get out before your breathing stopped entirely and head falling onto jenos shoulder

his mind, blanked of everything 

every thought, every memory, everything was gone

everything except one thing, you

your image burned in his head

the wind was knocked out of him, his while body felt numb, he couldn't breathe

he knew he was breathing but he kept choking 

the tears blurred his vision as they rapidly fell

he felt so hopeless, he,,he killed you

he should've known you were in the room with him, like you'd ever let him get separated from everyone

you always came to the fights as a backup or distraction

“I should've known,” he cried

jaemin,,he wanted to be mad at him, he wanted to scream and hit him, make him suffer the way you did but he couldn't

jaemin was busy, probably exhausted form smiling and using his powers

the door to the room creaked open

jeno assumed it was his friends, if not it was the villains and that meant everyone except him was dead

“oh my god jeno what happened,” renjun spoke, rushing to jenos side

jisung stared with his mouth hung open, wondering how he never knew this would happen, he gripping tightly on chenles arm

chenle let out a ear piercing yelp as he leaned closer to jisung

haechan stared at your lifeless body, rain starting to pour matching his tears

jaemins heart stopped when he saw the damage, knowing that he could've saved you

“y/n,,y/n,” jaemin cried while smiling at you praying that it would work

the tension in the room only grew as each other second past

 each member of the team morning in their own way for their fallen 

y/n l/n the “nameless’ stranger who approached them with wishes to be one of them, y/n l/n the loveable person who lit up jenos dark world more than is friends ever could, y/n l/n the mysterious invisible member of the dream team who just wanted to help

#nct #nct imagines #nct scenairos #nct angst #nct fluff #nct dream #nct dream imagines #nct dream scenarios #nct dream fluff #nct dream angst #jeno #jeno imagines #jeno scenarios #jeno fluff #jeno angst #the dream team au

[genderfluid-promotion]

Hi! I have just learned about the term genderfluid, and I dont really know if thats the explaination for some things I feel - I don‘t know if thats what I am, or if the things I experience really fit this term. I am a female, but as a kid I always had short hair and I only wanted to wear boy clothes. I once put a dress on at like 7 because I wanted to, but it felt like I was trying to pretend to be a girl - even though I was one? I also pretty much only had boy friends, and loved soccer and playing in the dirt. I also liked horses, but not nearly as much as the other girls - when school started most of them had backpacks with ponys on them, mine had fish. xD I started wondering if maybe I was a boy during the ages 6 - 10, because I was asked constantly if I was a boy or a girl. I always said I was a girl, but kids can be mean - the next question would be pull your pants down and prove it, you dont look like it.

I knew that at 12 years old I would have to go to a new school, and the school was pretty known for bullying. Out of fear to be a target I let my hair grow out from age 10 on, and when I started at the new school it was long. I still dressed kinda boyish, wore a lot of plaid shirts, but I also wore pink things sometimes. I actually forgot that I didn‘t grow my hair out willingly, I talked to my mom about it a few months ago, saying that I couldnt remember what changed that I wanted long hair - and she said I didnt actually want to, but that I was scared of the bullying. Ever since that young age of 6 I went through phases questioning if I was a boy, because being a girl just didnt always seem to be right! However I‘m not sure if it didnt feel right just because hobbies and clothes are so strongly gendered, and I just wanted to have short hair, boy clothed and my soccer ball - in peace, without the questions. So being a boy would have been easier in that aspect, because no one would have questioned anything about me in that case. But because I also wasn‘t so sure that I would want to go trough actual transitioning to a boy, I realized that I probably wasn‘t transgender. There were times where I compeletely forgot about this worry of mine, and then suddenly I would look into the mirror, or see or hear something, and a weird feeling would start to creep up again - am I maybe a boy? Now I‘m 20, and I have been pushing these thoughts away for a while. I came to the decision that I dont really care, Im not that bothered by my female body that I feel the need to change everytime I see myself, and I dont feel horrible if someone calls me a she/woman/girl - its just, some days I wish I didnt have breasts because they annoy me, and I would like to be flat so that some of the men shirts I own would look better. However I never feel the need to have a penis, because thats as much as a statement as breasts, I’m fine with my vagina because it isnz showing in any way through clothes. Other days I like showing cleavage, some days getting called a she just leaves a bit of a weird feeling in my stomach. Sometimes I like make up, (Eyeliner most of the time), other days putting lip stick on makes me feel like a clown. These things are present enough in my life that the thoughts about what I am creep up from time to time, but they are not so present that its always on my mind. Sometimes my mannerism arent really female - around my female friends I kinda have always felt like the elephant, not moving as gracefully, not talking as softly, not sitting that woman like - my mannerisms just seem to be more men like then my other female friends, but they are more female then most of my male friends.

Because transitioning fully to a man is not an option for me (waaay to unsure with what I am, and also most of the times I‘m fine with my body I think) I just sort of pushed it all away. I also have never tried to embrace my „male side“ more - I dont want to be judged or to be asked questions if I suddenly show up with a baseball cap and a typical men hoodie. I also dont want everyone to think I am a butch lesbian, because thats the first thing people would think. I feel like if I could wear and behave however I wanted, and no one would care or ask questions, there would be days where I would wear a baseball cap and a hoodie, chewing gum and drinking a beer and just sit on my car, chilling. And there would be days where I would wear a dress, have flowers in my hair and have a picknick or something. So far I have only really lived the female side of this - and with clothing I kinda compromise, if I wear a male sweater I wear tight jeans or make up, to even it out a bit. Enough for people to notice Im probably not a girly girl, but not enough to make them look twice or to question my style or gender or sexuality.

Ive been thinking about embracing the clothes side of men a bit more, because I lost some weight and I‘m a little less curvy then before, so men shirts start to look kinda better then before. However, I am terrified to embrace any of this whole gender fluid stuff - what if I just surpressed being trans or something? Or if I try it out and after that it becomed unbearable to not be able to fully live being genderfluid? Right now I can deal with it - I would wish to embrace it more, but I can mostly handle not being really able to do so. I am afraid that this will change if I get a taste of it. Also I am kinda questioning everything in regard to gender - because if no one had ever commented on me looking like a boy, if not everyone around me had despreatly tried to put me in some box, I dont think I would ever have started to worry about all of this, I would have just been me. So maybe I am just a female but I’m not fitting the stereotypes that are put upon genders? Sexuality wise Im attracted to men, however I believe we fall in love with souls not bodies. Still most of the time I cant see myself being intimate with a women, but then suddenly some days I can - maybe pan? I think this whole gender topic didnt really bother me that much for a while because I was only aware of trans, and that didnt really fit me - so I just left it. Then I heard of non binary, but like I said mostly im fine, also I wouldnt want to be called they/them I think so that didnt really fit either. But now with this genderfluid stuff I heard of something that might fit me, so Im having a slight identity crisis right now to be honest.

I would just absolutely love to hear your thoughts on all of this - would you say gender fluid could be the right description for me? Or something else? Am I just insane? xD Do you know someone who experiences gender fluid similarly to me? Because most despriptions are that the change of gender is extreme and suddenly, and with me its more a way of expressions, clothes and weird feeling.

Sorry for the insanely long text!

It’s ok. Your gender identity is fluid. Non binary meaning you don’t identify as a man or women. Both non binary and genderfluid can coexists and you can identify as both. As for pronouns it’s entirely up to you. Not everyone who is non binary uses they/them pronouns. It’s not a requirement.

It would also seem you hardly have gender dysphoria since most trans people have it. It’s ok to identify as trans without having dysphoria, it’s not a requirement either.

But I do think genderfluid fits very well with what you are feeling. I recommend having a support group in case people are transphobic to you. However, since politics is a bitch, people will side with the transphobes so your only choice is to find solidarity with others who know and understand LGBTQ issues.

Thanks for the ask tho!! ☺️☺️💘💕💞💖💗💓

[mylovelysanshine]

home; choi san ft. jung wooyoung

summary:

"as long as you are happy, as long as she is happy, my heart will be at ease. no matter how hurt it is." in which choi san, who is in love with you, is willing to give up his desire to confess to you for his best friend who has feelings for you. but does he knows what are your true feelings? no.

or

a love triangle between you, san and wooyoung

g: angst, fluff, romance

w!: cursing of words and thats all ig, please tell me if there's something that triggered you!

a/n: this was requested by @iis4d ! i still remember your request hehe but sorry for taking this so long omg:( i hope you and my fellow atiny readers will like it!!! sorry if there's any errors in this writing,,,,:( but anyways enjoy!:D

for god's sake, san. can you at least becareful?!

oh come on, y/n! i wont die or something!

yes, san! you will die if you arent careful around anjanath!

you're at san's house, looking or mostly judging at how he plays the new game that he just brought from the game store near his house; monster hunter world. you're a fan of that game, truly in love with the series and how beautifully the graphic is but seeing how your best friend plays makes you want to smash your head onto the wall.

damn it! san shouted, flipping his controller when his character fainted for the first time

you facepalmed, massaging your temple while looking at the screen and at him i told you so

san glared at you and you giggled, eyes furrowing as his lips pouting which makes him look so adorable, having the urge to kiss him but you shook the thought off.

as if you have played this game before! he whined

uh yes i do, idiot! im hunter rank 250, okay! do no underestimate me! you said, smacking his arm lightly

it was true that you're a hunter rank 250 while he is just hunter rank 10, he have seen you played the game before and he wanted to try it too. probably because he wants to be on the same level as you so he could play together with you or he wants to play together with you. san couldnt think of things to backfire you over the game that you were good in it so he gave up and crossed his arms in defeat.

you laughed loudly, laughing because of how adorable san is. oh dont be mad~ you cooed, going down from the sofa to the floor, just to hug your best friend. you wrapped your arms and legs around his waist like a koala, placing your chin on his shoulder. is my sannie mad?? you asked, pouting cutely at him. san blushed, his face turning into a tomato. he didnt say anything which makes you truly believed that he was upset.

you frowned i really diㅡ AHHH

then, san headlocks you, making your body fall onto his lap as he messes up your hair with his free hand. being a competitive person you are, your hands went to his neck, trying to choke him. he let go of you, hands going to yours as he tries to break your grip off him which is an opportunity to run from san.

yaa!! y/n!!! you heard him scream as you went upstairs. you stopped for a moment, looking for rooms to hide until your eyes landed on his room, you ran when you heard his footsteps coming closer. you're not a fast runner but you passed your p.e tests last semester which was the day you're actually proud of. too bad san was faster than you when you tried to close and lock his door. both of you were pushing the door, one trying to open while another is trying to close until san pushed the door with his full strength, making you scream in horror as he grabs your arm.

you tried to run, trying to escape from his grip until your feet slipped ㅡdamn these socks ㅡmaking you fall onto the ground along with san. like a typical korean romance drama, the male character is ontop of the female character, staring into eachother's soul as the male got closer, eyes looking at you and to your lips until a knock distrupt your story.

san!!!! open the door!!!! it was wooyoung's voice screaming outside his house. both of you got up, scurried into different places; you in the living room while he takes the door. you were blushing mess, hair in a mess and your heart too

but you're not alone.

san opens the door, revealing wooyoung who was annoyed. what took you so long?! i've been waiting for you for the past five minutes!!

goddamn, woo. its not like you're going to die or somethingㅡ

yes i willㅡ oh! y/n!! wooyoung ran up to you, jumping at you, making you scream at how heavy he is as he hugs you. didnt know you are here! he exclaims, showing a bright smile.

well now you do, woo so can you please get off meㅡ you said, trying to breathe with the male body ontop of you. wooyoung giggled, apologising to you as he gets off before looking at the tv screen. isnt...that monster hunter world?

yeah? and what about it? san asked, sitting down on the floor beside you as you're on the couch. im playing that game too! hunter rank 10, just started playing it though wooyoung replied, turning his head to you how about you, y/n? have you played this game before?

you smiled at him hunter rank 250

wooyoung's eyes widened in surprise, body turning at your direction 250?! damn you crazy!

might be, i guess you shrugged as san continues to play his game

what's your weapon of your choice, san? wooyoung asked out of curiousity, looking at the screen that is currently loading the files of the game

dual blades san replied

and you, y/n?

insect glaive

wooyoung nodded at the information that was given to him thats cool! mine is dual blades too!

you raise your eyebrows really? would love to see the both you play together, probably the best duo with dual blades in this game you said, smiling at him before focusing on the screen, observing how san plays.

wooyoung pouted as he looks at you focusing on the tv instead of him, no ideas to have your attention on him and only him.

having san and wooyoung as your best friends can be a pain in the ass sometimes but having them in your life makes it fun and enjoyable, and you love the both of them equally. as you're walking your way to your classroom, a familiar voice was heard screaming your name. not to mention that you're in the hallway with people walking by.

wooyoung, its early in the morning. why are you screaming?! you hissed in annoyance, redness shown on your face. wooyoung smiled cheekily, giggling a little. i just wanted to say good morning to you~ he said, taking your hand and swinging it side to side. you massaged your temple with your free hand, sighing as you shook your head a little. good morning, woo. you're lucky that i love you you muttered, making wooyoung's eyes beams in happiness

then, the school bell rang, indicating that the first lesson has started. you widened your eyes, remembering that your first lesson is with ms chou, the teacher who is always coming for your ass. wooyoung, i need to go! ms chou will come at me if im late! see you later, bye bye! you said hurridly, releasing your hand from his and started running as if your life is at risk before he could stopped you.

wooyoung watches you from afar, your figure slowly disappearing from his sight. he sighs, shoulders going up and down before shaking his head, starting to walk his way to his class.

you slammed the door opened, seeing some of your classmates sitting on their seats, minding their own business. then your eyes trails to the teacher's desk, not seeing ms chou on present yet before landing your eyes on him. choi san. you took a sharp breathe, your lungs tightened automatically as your heart started to beat very fast. he was reading a book, probably a harry potter book and he looks peaceful, like an angel. unfortunately for your heart, the sun was shining against his skin, the light bouncing off from his skin, making him look ethereal. your head started to get dizzy as your legs dragged you to your table next to him without realising.

y/n? you snapped your eyes from wherever you were looking from to him.

y-yes? you managed to speak, despite having a lump in your throat before sitting down on your seat.

you look pale he said, closing his book shut before focusing on you are you sick?

h-huh before you could continue, he placed the back of his hand onto your forehead, trying to feel any heat. you watched every expressions he made, his eyebrows furrowing as he squinted his eyes with his nose scrunching and his cherry lips pouting. his lips. you have never been wanting to kiss his lips right now, how you want to taste his lips, how you want to claim his lips yours. then you caught his eyes, he's staring at you.

you didnt know why you're being like this after the incident that happened at san's house from a few days ago. you do have a little crush on san before but now, it seems like your crush on him is getting bigger and bigger. you hated it, hated to have feelings on your bestfriend that will most probably reject you.

y/n? san calls your name softly, snapping out from your daydream. you realised that san's face are close to yours, his nose ghosting onto yours but before you two took a step forward, the door slammed open.

sorry kids, ms chou was late!

oh what a deja vu..

after school has ended, you slowly pack your stuffs as your classmates made their way out from the classroom. you sighed, too caught up with the thought of san. before this situations between you and san happen, your other best friend, gahyeon, told you that san likes you but you didnt believe her in one bit despite having a close friendship with her for 3 years. you dont believe the boy that has been with you ever since you were out of your mother's womb would like you, there's alot of thirsty girls eyeing him since young and you bet that there will be or is a girl that would or has caught his eye

and that girl would not be you.

exiting the classroom and the school, you straightaway went to the library, wanting to clear your mind off by writing or probably reading a book or both.

san was making his way back home from school, too caught up with the thought of you. ever since that incident happened at his house, things became awkward between the both of you. how the both of you didnt greet eachother as used to, hugging eachother or any skinship between you two. especially this morning, how the both of you were so close enough to almost kiss eachother but that didnt happen even though he wants it to happen. he shook his head, shaking those thoughts away.

why would you like him? for someone who he thought is not handsome as wooyoung. he thought you would like wooyoung than him, and how he thought that you would choose other guys than him.

wooyoung, on the other hand, was thinking on how to confess his love to you. too stressed on his plan, wooyoung called san through his phone.

hey san? i need your help.

what do you need? san asked, throwing wooyoung a packet of chips before sitting the opposite of where wooyoung sits.

you know yunho is going to throw a huge party this friday, right? and how even everyone in our school is invited, right?

san furrowed his eyebrows, nodding his head a little, confused where wooyoung is going. ...yeah?

well, im going to plan to confess y/n on that day! san stops eating his chips as wooyoung continues but i dont know how to confess to her..

oh

wooyoung pouts, clasping his hands together into a ball help me, san! i cant think of anything...and you know alot about her more than i do!

well that's because im in love with her, woo he thought to himself before giving him a painful smile as he feels his heart drop at the thought of you and wooyoung together instead of him.

i will help

wooyoung's eyes beams in happiness really?!

san tries to keep his smile, nodding his head yes, of course, you're my best friend afterall.

wooyoung then hugs san tightly, showing how appreciative he is to san. thank you, san!

you're welcome, woo he said, trying to control his tears as he hugs him back

as long as you're happy, as long as she is happy, my heart will be at ease. no matter how hurt it is.

friday came by and you are sitting on the bench at the school garden with gahyeon who is playing games on her phone. too caught up reading your book, gahyeon spoke up.

hey, are you ready for tonight's party?

you lowered your book down a little, looking at gahyeon with a confused look.

there's a party tonight?

gahyeon rolled her eyes and face palmed yes, you forgetful idiot. remember yunho? that tall adorable looking puppy guy? he invites the whole school to his party, since his parents are out of town for the whole month.

okay, so? you asked, confused. you rarely go to parties because it drains your energy since there will be alot of people there and you're scared that anything might happened to you if you're drunk since males nowadays are just horny piece of shits who cant keep their dicks in their pants and does not know the meaning of consent. you're glad that gahyeon doesnt go to parties alot, though mostly the parties she goes to is her family business party.

so how about we go? gahyeon beams school has been a pain in the ass ever since the exam schedule came out so how about we go there to release our stress out?

and get drunk? yeah no

oh come on! just this once, y/n! and never again! gahyeon begs, giving you that puppy face that you couldnt resist whenever she wants or do something.

you groaned, closing your book, throwing your head back a little as you know you lost due to her cuteness. i mean, who would ignore gahyeon's adorable face?

..fine

day passed by quickly as you and gahyeon are getting ready for the party. since you dont have alot of fancy dresses to wear, you wore an off shoulder purple lace dress that your mom brought for you for your birthday. its not that tight or short for you and you are grateful for this dress to be yours, your mom has a better understanding of fashion and you than yourself. you look at the reflection of the mirror, looking at gahyeon who is stressing herself on which dress to choose for the party.

goddamn, gahyeon. is it that hard to choose a dress?

gahyeon glared at you yes it is, y/n! if you own alot of clothes, you would feel the sane way as me!

i do and all of them are comfortable and simple so i dont have a hard time choosing unlike you

ugh, whatever! you know what? im just going to choose this dress! she rummaged through her closet and picked out a short sleeveless red dress that have some pretty design but you dont care, you actually care if san is going to the party or not.

god, do you think y/n would come? wooyoung asked loudly as the music in yunho's house was blasting, bouncing up and down as he was nervous.

san chuckles, looking at his friend as he feels his heart stings. he was hoping for you not to come because he doesnt want to see you be with wooyoung but at the same he hopes to see you come, to see wooyoung confessing his love to you and you would accept it and see the both of you happy because you would choose other guys than him and to san, that's the truth.

i dont know, woo but i know she will he said, trying to comfort his friend with his best even if he feels worse.

then, you stepped into the house with your friend and san saw you from afar since both san and wooyoung is at the drinking section which is kinda far from the doorstep, along with people who is covering his sight from you as they are dancing in the area that he is in. but he indeed saw you and well, he's in awe on how beautiful you look and he realised that he's falling deeper in love with you. he swallowed hard, looking away as he closed his eyes. he cant be doing this right now, his friend likes you and he doesnt want to ruin this opportunity for wooyoung but yet, here he is ruining his own opportunity. he opened his eyes, to see if you werent there but you are still there, looking at him back. he took a sharp breathe before nudging wooyoung at the side.

she's here

wooyoung looks around, trying to find you in the crowded area where? where?

she's coming to our way with gahyeon so get ready, lover boy san said, giving him a smirk as both you and gahyeon walked to their direction

san!! wooyoung!! you called, releasing your hand from gahyeon and hug both of the boys as they hug you back. both of you look amazing, i wonder if there's any chicks hitting their shots at the both of you? you asked cheekily

wooyoung laughed, holding your hand nah, they dont caught my eyes like you do

you blushed, laughing a little thank you for the compliment, wooyoung. much appreciated

okay okay! anyways, boys. me and y/n are going to meet our girlfriends so if you could step away please! gahyeon said, cutting off from whatever wooyoung is trying to do. she glares at san we will get back at you later so tata! she continues with full of sass, gahyeon then takes your hand and pulls you away from the both of them.

damn, i was about to ask her to dance with me! i swear gahyeon loves to interrupt my opportunity! wooyoung gritted his teeth, feeling frustrated.

calm down, woo! they just came, let them have fun a little, will you? san said, calming his friend down.

yeah yeah, whatever. im going to find seonghwa for some advice and the rose, see you later with my future girlfriend! wooyoung jokes and pats his back before leaving him alone, finding his older friend.

san stood there alone, looking down on the floor as his heart breaks into pieces.

you sat on the couch with gahyeon, talking with her friends on how males can such be a pain in the ass. too caught up with the conversation, you saw one of her friends look up. you look at the direction she was looking at and you saw wooyoung standing infront of you. the conversation between the eight of you stops and all eyes look at wooyoung instead, confused on why he is here.

woo?

uh, y/n? can i talk to you for a moment? wooyoung asked nervously, looking down.

you looked at gahyeon's friends and gahyeon, who looks a little dark at the sight of wooyoung. you apologised to the seven of them before going up to wooyoung. without saying anything, wooyoung grabs your hand and pull you to wherever he wants you to go.

as gahyeon saw you being pulled by wooyoung, she sighs before standing up, making her friends look at her with confusion written all over their faces.

im going to talk to someone

san was sitting on the staircase, thinking about you as he drinks whatever liquid he was drinking, not caring much about his well being.

choi san he heard gahyeon's voice what the fuck?

what?

what the fuck are you doing, san? arent you supposed to confess to her? and not wooyoung? didnt you told me you like her? gahyeon asked angrily, standing infront of them with her arms crossed. he looks up and all gahyeon saw is sadness in his eyes, she couldnt help but feel pity for him

why? she asked softly

because i want wooyoung to be happy, i want y/n to be happy he confessed as tears builds up in his eyes i know she wont choose me

why? she asked again, but in a harsher tone

because i know, gahyeon. i knoㅡ

gahyeon cut him off, her fist hitting on the railing hard, not caring if it hurts are you some fucking fortune teller or something? do you know if she even likes you? san, you wont know anything if you dont take a step forward! she screams, angry at how stupid san is, how stupid his mindset is.

san didnt react at her ourburst but instead, he just stood up and walk pass her, walking towards the door.

choi san! gahyeon screams in anger as he exited from yunho's house.

what is it, wooyoung? you finally asked after he drags you into a garden, dragging you away from the noisy house. you see him breathing deeply with his shoulders going up and down before looking at you.

i-i like you, y/n he confessed, making your eyes widen in surprise. i really do like you, y/n. ever since i met you through san, i couldnt help but developed a liking towards you and i hope that you will accept me he ends off with a rose in his hands. you look at him, his eyes full of hope and you couldnt help but to think of san. no matter how much you want to stop thinking about him, the thought of san will always comes back and if you were to accept wooyoung's confession, it would be toxic for the both of you as you will still keep thinking about him and not wooyoung. though, you are thankful of him being your best friend but you have never thought of a new level between you and wooyoung. only san. choi san.

san, san, san, sanㅡ

im sorry you gasped for air, being to pressured with wooyoung's confession and the thought of san as tears starting to build up in your eyes. imㅡ im so sorry, wooyoung you apologised as you look at him im sorry

the hope in his eyes has faded as he lowers his hands down. it was quiet for a moment before he speaks up

..why?

san. choi san.

you were trying to find a way to answer but you couldnt, the lump in your throat was getting bigger and giving you a hard time to answer

is it because of san?

you paused, looking down before nodding y-yeah...

wooyoung chuckles sadly what a lucky guy he is. no matter how much i try, you will choose him either way

you look up, giving him an apologetic look but wooyoung gives you a smile. not the normal bright smile he used to give but an encouraging one

go and confess to him, y/n he said

you blinked, confused at what he was talking about.

looking at your confused face, he rolls his eyes and sighs go and confess to san, y/n before giving you the rose he is holding go

b-butㅡ

y/n, you better hurry up before i cry wooyoung said, his tears starting to spill as he pushes you out from the garden into yunho's house and before you could say anything, wooyoung slammed the door infront of you.

you gulped and look at the flower you are holding

confess to san

you breathe in and out, nodding your head and went to find san. you looked around the house, trying to him but instead you saw gahyeon walking to your direction

gahyeon! you called out, running to her where's san?

she looks surprised san? i dont know, why?

you hesitated, trying to find a way to answer her question ....i...im going to confess to him

y-you're going to confess to san?? i thought wooyoung confessedㅡ

can we talk about wooyoung later? i want to find san first you cut her off, desperation was heard in your voice

gahyeon's face softens, giving you an apologetic look as she holds your hand im sorry, love but i dont know where he went...but you know where he always goes to

you gave her a confused look as you try to think hard about the place san would always go and it hit you

the park

san stares at the night sky, seeing the stars shining in the dark as his tears rolls down on his cheeks. he's wondering how's wooyoung's confession goes, did you accept? or did you reject? he wonders if he ever get the chance to confess to you but he knows he doesnㅡ

san! his thoughts were cut off by your voice but he didnt believe that its yours, he thought he was dreaming

san! your voice got nearer and nearer choi san!

he whips his head to the side and saw you, panting really hard with your hair in a mess. he looks down, your hand holding a rose and the other holding your heels

wait, the roseㅡ

ㅡi love you, choi san!

san frozed on his spot, his mind went blank as he heard the words he was hoping to hear from you but he couldnt believe that he is hearing those words from you

you pant heavily, lifting the rose in your hand as you drop your heels

yes, i love you, san. i really do! you repeat your words, in case san wouldnt believe in you or he might be deaf. i love you, san

san lift his hand and point to himself m-me? you love me?? and you nod why, y/n? i thought you would like woo but me? why me? i thougㅡ

his words were cut off by your kiss, you were too fed up with his rambling that you decided to kiss him, to show that you are truly in love with him. in love with san. he automatically kisses you back, his hands cupping your cheeks as he deepens his kiss, finally giving you the love he keeps for you for a long time. you broke the kiss first, trying to breathe and so is he. san looks at you with love in his eyes as he placed his forehead on yours with his hands on your waist. the rose you were holding was no longer in your hands as it falls onto the ground with your heels when you kissed san.

it was silent for a moment, it wasnt any awkward silence but rather a comfortable one. you know.. you started to speak i realised that after wooyoung confessed to me, i didnt feel right.

san raised his eyebrow, urging you to continue

i didnt feel like im at home, you know? i dont feel like me whenever im around him but i do whenever im around you. i realised that i've been loving you hard ever since you protected me from those bullies though i thought it would be a small crush but it wasnt and whats their name again? was it kahi? sarah? whatever.

ㅡyou make me feel at ease when i have a storm in my mind everyday, you were there for me even if i never asked you to and you make me feel im at home when im with you you said, caressing his cheeks as you peck his lips, before looking at him in the eye with full of love.

you are my home, san.

a/n 2: and thats it!!!!!! i kinda like this but at the same time no jshdhsjsjdh also i think i have improved my english alot! but if there are still any errors in this writing, im so sorry! please give feedbacks on how i can improve! thank you!! xoxo

#ateez #ateez au #ateez series #ateez imagines #ateez one shot #ateez scenarios #atzwriters #atinynet #atinypresent #ateeznetz #ateez seonghwa #ateez hongjoong #ateez yunho #ateez yeosang #ateez san #ateez mingi #ateez wooyoung #ateez jongho #ateez angst #ateez fluff #ateez blurbs #ateeztreasures #ateez reactions #atz au #atz blurbs #atz imagines #atznet #🃏🦋.o8

[butch-himbo-king]

thank you @ghostquarthot for tagging me!!! what was your last… drink - i had 6 peach redbulls on the drive home last night/this morning phone call - my sister text message - my brother asking abt a puppy play date song you listened to - be my mistake by the 1975 time you cried - its been a few days actually which is pretty good for me (unless this counts crying from laughing bc i did that a few times this weekend) have you ever… dated someone twice - kind of? i think so maybe been cheated on - oof yeah lol :/// lost someone special - yea been depressed - yee babey gotten drunk and thrown up - nah its pretty fucking hard to get me drunk at all tbh in this year, have you… made a new friend - a few! fallen out of love - nope laughed until you cried - yeee met someone who changed you - not yet found out who your true friends are - i mean i've found out some of my friendships arent exactly what i thought they were but they're all still friends kissed someone on your facebook list - don't have fb general… how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life - do not have do you have any pets - i have two dogs and two cats! technically they're family pets, steven is the only one who's Mine do you want to change your name - i b thinkng abt it A Lot but idk if i could and also i can't decide on one i like lol what did you do for your last birthday - went to work, took a nap, went to gym, went to bed what time did you wake up - I’ve been up since like 3pm yesterday what were you doing at midnight last night - driving and going insane from spending too long alone in the car what’s something you can’t wait for - im going down to nashville to see one of my brothers soon!!!!! when was the last time you saw your mum - uhhh thursday morning at like 5am what are you listening to right now - blackbird by beeches have ever met a person named tom- a few, yea what’s something that gets on your nerves - the fact that i misgender myself basically all the time bc i'm an idiot lmao :/ what’s your blood type - okay i know its O but idk if its + or - nickname - sometimes ppl here call me king lmao. also my family calls me sis and sister sarah a lot and i Hate It but i guess it counts? relationship status - single zodiac sign - libra sun, leo moon, taurus rising pronouns - they/them fav tv show - probably avatar the last airbender tbh. but also (don't judge me for this) my brother and i watch the bachelor/bachelorette/bachlor in paradise together every week lol tattoos - none yet but i have plans for a sleeve and a few other pieces right or left handed - right but i can use my left for most stuff too and also there are a few things i Can't do with my right hand but i can do with my left lol first… surgery - none babeyyy piercing - only one i have is my septum best friend - i met my best friend kam when we were 5 years old and i'm gonna be in her wedding this spring/summer!!! sport - basketball babeyyyy! vacation - i don't remember the first trip but when i had family in florida we would go down to visit them on spring break right now… eating - nothing drinking - water i’m about to - clean up my head! fresh buzz babeyyyy!!!!!! listening to - adore by amy shark waiting for - nap time want kids - i think so but also not really but also yea i do but also no thank you get married - yea! career - bruh i don’t fucking knowwwwwww which is better… hugs or kisses - hugs lips or eyes - eyes shorter or taller - i don't really have a preference tbh but almost every girl i've liked has been taller than me lol older or younger - doesnt Super matter to me as long as its only a few years and theres no power imbalance there romantic or spontaneous - i like the idea of romantic but i think i'm definitely more aquainted with spontaneous nice arms or nice stomach - bro they're All Nice but theres nothin better than a nice tummy to lay your head on tbh sensitive or loud - sensitive hook up or relationship - either bc im a slut but i also b havin a heart trouble maker or hesitant - i'm trouble maker so maybe i need someone more hesitant but also who's gonna say no to doubling the chaotic energy u kno? have you ever… kissed a stranger - define stranger... drank hard liquor - yes sex on the first date - yea broke someone’s heart - i dont think so? had your heart broken - i don't think so been arrested - nope cried when someone died - yea fallen for a friend - oof yea a little :/ do you believe in… yourself - lmao no miracles - not sure tbh love at first sight - no santa claus - nope kiss on the first date - yea boi! angels - ehhhh i'm kinda just like... who knows u kno? tag time! y'all don't have to do this if don't want, we just vibin but i tag @kaloi-jeni-doxun @kirbymilkshake @soontobedrifter @sleepiestdyke @sapphicluxanna @dyketitties and @toofemmetofunction

#also if u see this and wanna do it then go for it i tag u #kara i luv u #tag game #personal

[gumceline]

another massive bubbline shipper here too say i got mad respect for this blog. as much as i stand by my ship 1000%, i also stand by the fact its totally okay too ship them with other people. i admit the bubbline fandom can be pretty toxic, but alot of us will stand by you. not only are you being super respectful even when you get hate, but you arent straight washing. also the way you looked at the negative parts of our community with understanding in last post, that was real great

oh i appreciate it! I prefer never to judge an entire fanbase by one dude because EVERY fanbase has THOSE people, no fanbase is ever perfect.

I really wished my experience with bubbline shippers had been better, it really was unfortunate to have countless hate, to have people make posts mocking me, to be put on “Lists to block”, not to mention that i legit had supportive friends who were bubbline shippers, but they pretty much turned their back on me, abandoned me, and called me a “Homophobic uncaring asshole”.

It really broke my heart dealing with the stuff i did, and i wasn’t perfect either, but i still don’t think i deserved what that was. I was a kid at the time, and was still having fun and i REALLY wanted to be a part of the fanbase because i love the series and loved the characters, but the fandom just....hated me.

Because i was a multishipper and had different opinions on the characters.

It really didn’t matter to them that i also shipped the characters with other female characters, or i said myself i don’t consider them straight. Because the fandom didn’t really care, they took one look and decided nothing i said mattered.

Being in the star fandom is widely different because the biggest ship there is Starco, a MXF (Which i personally don’t really like but that’s just me), and my favorite ship was...and still is Tom and Marco, because i love their chemistry so much and i genuinely consider them to be a much more believable relationship then the romance they wrote for star and marco.

And trust me, it’s always annoying if you don’t ship the most popular ship and like another pairing more but are succumbed to it everywhere regardless of the characters themselves.

But me not shipping star and marco didn’t make me someone who hated straight people, so i don’t think it’s collectively fair to tell anyone who may of liked marcy or bonnie with finn or maybe they ship them with a male oc of theirs....hate lesbians or were just homophobic.

it’s Like if i took finn out of his (Maybe) relationship with huntress and shipped him with....Tiffany (Who is a male character)...that wouldn’t mean i suddenly hated all straight couples and think finntress should burn.

That’s still a huge leap to jump to and extremely dangerous because you’re collectively accusing someone of something serious without really knowing much more about them then “They like this ship”.

Without any knowledge of them outside of that.

You could effectively damage their rep and make their time in the fandom a living hell out of something minor or something you just assumed, i would know.

I welcome progress, i am quite happy for the bubbline shippers who got their ship, heck...i’m STILL mad that we didn’t get poly tom x marco x star on star vs and felt VERY baited by the crew on that.

but even though i am happy for those people, i don’t think it’s validation to beat up on other shippers either, it does nothing for anyone’s case to do that. If the people are actual bigots who are actively acting terrible and throwing around nasty words and doing terrible stuff, then by all means, call them out.

But people who are just causally shipping stuff for fun? In a way it just feels like using them being a gay ship as a weapon against everyone else, because if they disagree with you and have a different opinion you can effectively boil them down to a bigot and no one might question it...especially when it’s the vast majority.

And that should not be acceptable to do, i ended up hearing from a friend of mine that this fandom actively started purging out other creators for having opinions people didn’t like, and now people are starting to regret that they shunned out so many members of the fandom based on things that were probably incredibly trivial in the long run.

And i get it, it’s an important ship, but it’s important as a rep of that ship to be respectful to others, because if not what you’ll end up doing is turn people away. I would like to be more celebratory of your success in getting the ship canon, but it makes it harder if i’m getting several messages asking when i’m deleting my “Hateful” blog because bubbline was now canon.

I’d like to get along with and support these people, but they don’t want to try and support me and have almost just decided to hate me and it sucks, and there’s not much i can do. That’s why i am thankful for those who don’t just immediately decided to judge me and want to know more about my views on the characters. 

This of course does not apply to the community as a whole, not everyone is acting like this, but it is a problem and it has consequences and i hope the fandom does work on it in the future. Please do better in the future.

Now when it comes to shipping, I have my limits personally, like if the characters have canon sexualities i tend to stick to those sexualities, i for one, have a oc that’s gay. I effectively tell others if they make fanart with him for fun that’s great and i love it, but i want his sexuality respected if ships are involved.

Since the AT ones are left in the air, it means i am left to come up with my own ideas, so that’s what i do. I think everyone should be allowed in that regard to have their own interpretations, marcy could be bi, lesbian, ace,pan, ect and all of those are perfectly acceptable headcanons.

i don’t think one should be held superior over another.

I’ve never looked at Marcy or PG and said “Oh yeah, these two are so obviously straight”, they’re about as straight as a bent nail. XD The people who say this stuff clearly don’t follow me to know that they’re not treated as straight here and i think that’s just frustrating because it’s attacking for completely incorrect information.

And the main problem i think i have, like the biggest issue, is i see the F&C characters differently.

Because i know where the fandom is getting this impression people who these other pairings are homophobic is coming from, it’s because most of the fandom doesn’t really see those characters as much more then well...GB characters.

If i saw tomco, and one was turned to a girl to avoid them both being boys, i would be annoyed, i would, i wouldn’t assume the person was homophobic without other evidence but i’d be annoyed. (I mean for all i know it could be an au and i could be mistaking the situation entirely)

What makes this different for me, is because for one, these aren’t fan-characters, the fans didn’t make a genderbent world and design these characters for fun or anything. These were show characters, that were in episodes and have their own comics and all that.

The way the show approached them for me, makes me feel like they’re kinda misjudged, and people don’t have to agree with me on that fact. But i just feel like between them being fanfiction characters ice king made up, the fact their canon is different, the fact the characters do things the F&J characters don’t do, i just can’t help but feel like treating them as if they were something fans did for fun and have no difference outside of their gender is not the right approach for them.

(I mean ice queen died in one comic and has her own unique origin story which is apparently tied to cake’s, flame prince apparently speaks cat and is the most nervous and awkward cutie I've ever seen, gumball is apparently a card wars superfan and legit takes it WAY too seriously, i just can’t really look at these characters and say “Oh, these are all just Ice King, Flame Princess, and Princess Bubblegum but the opposite gender”).

I feel like the show does enough with them,and had a unique enough approach, that i feel like they should be judged as different characters. Like the redraws of regular episodes with the F&C characters are cute but they’re for fun and probably not what ice king wrote for them in his weird stories.

Like i can’t imagine ice king knew PB so well he made sure gumball had her entire backstory and motivations.

And i feel like the people who do enjoy these ships, heck, ALL FOUR of these ships, feel the same way i do. I’m sure some could def be shipping them for the wrong reasons, but i can’t help but think it’s less about their gender and more that other people recognize they’re different and have considered the different dynamics...like they would if they were shipping any other pairing.

And people don’t have to agree with any of us on that, but i don’t think the alternative should be to accuse us of something so heavily either.

These days i have newer friends who like bubbline who are chill with me, and yeah that’s cool, and i personally don’t really draw the ship myself because i’m still not too comfortable in the AT fandom or with the community right now....the situation with it never leaves me feeling safe frankly.

But we get along, they’re lovely, and the shippers who like bubbline but support the blog are also lovely people and i adore them.

At the end of the day i just want to have fun, i’m fine being in a small subsection of the fanbase and who knows, maybe i have gotten people to think about the F&C characters in a new light, i’m not sure.

But i hope maybe at some point the fandom can chill down and we can support each other without turning it into...whatever that entire situation is. Because i don’t want to be fighting with that community and would prefer to get along with them, but only time will tell.

But thanks for the support! I wish you the best ! I sometimes still have a lot to learn but i hope throughout this whole thing I've gone about it as respectful as possible.

I love the show and all the characters and the fun ships and relationships, i hope someday in the future i can be comfortable enough to get back into the fandom as much as i used to be! ^-^

[estevand]

This is the woman Ive loved for 5 years. this was only 2 years into our relationship. I have had a rough life. Most of us all have. I lost my sister at 8 years old. I had to go through being judged for being a dark skinned kid with a white mother. The amount of times my family and I will be out somewhere and someone says to my mother “ Oh its so wonderful that you adopted all these kids” all because my one sister is full white and me and my other siblings arent Is fucking appalling. I was forced to drop out of highschool at 17. I’ve never had a father figure. After my sister died he tried to come back. and after my sister died my mom just emotionally and mentally gave up. my stepdad was an abusive alcoholic. and my mother has been a very non faithful woman to every man she dated after my step dad. Theres honestly so much more to talk about but theres no point. Id be writing a fucking bible if i were. But this woman. This beautiful, crazy, caring, selfless, goofy monument of a woman. She is the reason I have kept myself out of trouble. I was not in a good place when we met. I was hanging out with the wrong people. I was doing xanax everyday. multiple bars a day sometimes. I was such a lost soul just searching for a purpose. I had absolutely no idea what I was supposed to do with my life. I felt worthless. I had a job but that didnt mean anything to me. Ive always been the outcast. Ive always kept to myself and been a very shy person. But when I met her, The feeling of worthlessness was gone. We met at cheerleading. We both did competitive cheerleading at the same gym. When I first saw her walk in the gym I remember I looked to my friend Jared. I looked at him and said “ who the hell is that” and he looked at me and just laughed. We both knew she was out of my league, and there was no way that she would even give me the time of day. She walked with this aura. By aura I mean she had an atmosphere to her. When she would walk past me I would just have this gut feeling. I knew she was everything I ever wanted in a woman. She was stunning. Just the way she walked around the gym. It was almost like she knew that my eyes were constantly on her. I was just struck by this sense of “You NEED to be MINE”. I still remember the first time we kissed. We weren’t dating. We were at a competition in D.C. we were in the bleachers watching other teams perform. The smell of Aquanet, and cheap shitty convention center food in the air. Me and her friend who was also on our team. I remember the lights from the stage shining back towards us every couple seconds. I timed it so every time the light came back to us I would quickly stare at her. It wasnt because it was dark. It wasnt because of how her cheer makeup was done. Every time I looked at her I felt home. I couldnt help but stare at the beauty literally shining off of her. The way she looked off into the distance, just made me so love struck. It was like I was discovering a new emotion. I thought I had loved previous girlfriends before. But this was real. I remember her looking away. I got closer to her. I cant remember What I actually said but I remember catching her off guard. I leaned in and she just was ready for it just as I was. When our lips touched it was other worldly. the feelings I got I had never felt with anyone. Thats when I knew. I knew I was going to be with her forever. we became best friends before we even started dating. We were so comfortable with each other it was insane. I mean for 3 years straight we were inseparable. We both moved out together. I was her first boyfriend. She was my first real girlfriend. We were so in love. So happy. Now I’m alone and terrified. I fucked up multiple times in our relationship. I watched my mother cheat on every man shes ever been with. I cheated. I still dont know why. Maybe it was me being so selfish because I had everything I wanted. Maybe it was because I watched my mother cheat on every man she dated. Maybe its because Im actually fucking stupid. I dont know. What I do know is theres no excuse for it. I gave up my perfect relationship. The woman that gave me my first born child. for someone who I never wouldve even looked twice at if i passed them on the street. I had no idea what I had. I’ve now spent months working to get my relationship with her back on track. When she left me I wasnt just broken hearted. I was dead. Literally emotionally dead. I had no feelings for anyone or anything. I tried doing everything I do to make me happy. I tried playing video games, I tried working out, I tried playing music. Nothing could over come the feeling of self hatred and self humiliation. But than I sat there and thought to myself. This is what I made her feel. She did nothing to me to make me cheat. I broke her god damn heart. The woman that I promised my late sister that I would never hurt. I destroyed her trust for me. no matter how much I try to prove to her shell never be able to look at me the same. Im still the same person. I just fucked up and wasnt grateful for what I had. I’ve been living with this demon weighing on me. Knowing I did what I did. something I promised myself that I would never do. I did it to the one person that actually mattered to me. It’s so hard having to try and rebuild what I had with her because I know deep down the only reason she is even giving me a chance to try and be anything with her again is because we have a kid together. Ive prayed so much just hoping that god will help me. I didnt even believe in god until I met her. But she changed that. just like how she changed my whole life, I want nothing more than to be back together and be a family again. its so fucking disappointing. Knowing that I’m that scumbag. But I’m a human. I’m learning everyday and growing everyday. I want to be the man she can trust. I want to be the man that she knows I am. And most importantly I want my son to have two loving parents that love each other to no limits. I just need her back in my life. Even if she decides to tell me she can never be with me again. I’ll accept it. Even tho I’m gonna be devastated. I’ll accept. Because at the end of the day thats the girl I love. If shes gonna be happy with someone else unfortunately thats what i want for her. I guess thats how you know our love was real. Because even if she was with someone else I’d still love her like i did 5 years ago. Id still love her like I did a year ago, a month ago, a week ago. Id still love her like I do now. But I want her happy. If she cant be happy with me than the choice is already made. so for now I’ll keep praying. Ill keep on the path im on working and trying to get our relationship mended. All I want is to have the love of my life back. I’ve realized the things I’ve done wrong. And I just want to fix it. 

#cheerleading #feelings #journal #help #mentallhealth #love #relationship

[horrorstreet]

Hello! Could I request something with Jason? It's kind of silly but, how would he react to a family dinner? I mean, his s/o wants him to meet her parents and they decide to organize a dinner. It's so random and maybe out of character, I know, but this Christmas I had several family dinners and the only thing that I could think was: wow, wouldn't be funny if Jason was here with me right now?

Jason Voorhees x Reader

Warnings: None!

Content: Fluff

It’s ok! I wonder this myself SO MUCH. I love Jason so much, in fact, he was the first slasher I knew. Sometimes, I like writing them out of character because of its fun and cute and I think all of us wonder what it would be like to live with them and go through daily life with them so this definitely a wholesome ask! On to it! —->

No doubt, camp was the most calming place to be … well, when their arent teens around to ruin the calm but Jason dealt with that and I was grateful. It was always so quiet and I enjoyed it, walking around the woods and finding steady streams that make a calming noise, it was like a dream. But, to every positive, there is a negative and for me, family reunions. It wasn’t that I hated my family or anything, my parents being very accepting, kind, and sweet people but some people on both sides of the family can be a little crazy and make things uncomfortable, thus, the reason why I always tried to stray away these get together.  

Even though Jason and I lived out in the middle of nowhere, I still got service at camp.  When I got a call from my cousin that a family reunion was going on the next day and that I needed to show up and that it was crucial because people were starting to spread rumors. What rumors? I don't know and I don’t care but I didn’t want my parents to look bad so I decided to go with it, preparing to show up. While I was on my call, I was watching Jason look at himself in the water, going into a blank stare. “OK, Yes, I promise I will be there.” “ Yes, see you then, love ya, bye.” I let out a  stressful sigh and walked over to Jason, latching onto his arm. He turned to look at me without saying anything, his eyes saying everything. “Family reunions, Jason. I have to show up.” He just kept staring at me. He looked out at the lake and I began to think. I was with him, living with him and it’s going to be like that for as long as I can imagine so … “ Jason, what do you think about coming with me?” He snapped his head tot he side to look down at me and shook his head no. “ Please! It will be ok, I promise. I have been with you for how long? You should … meet my parents.” He started backing away to walk back to the cabin but I grabbed his arm. “Please! My parents are amazing people and they don't judge.” He stopped to think about it I was hopeful that he would say yes. He slowly nodded and I smiled, hugging him, receiving a sigh and a gentle hug in return. I promise you will be alright.” He nodded and we both walked back to the cabin. 

The next morning, I searched the cabin for the nicest piece of clothing he owned which was a pair of old jeans and a blue flannel. I smiled and handed it to him and he left to get dressed while I found the keys to the car I first drove here. He walked out from the other room, his mask still on his face. I walked up to him, reaching out to grab it and he flinched, afraid that I was going to make him take it off. When I adjusted it and fixed the back straps, he relaxed, laying his head on my shoulder. “Let’s go …” I smiled as he followed behind me. 

When we arrived, Jason got out of the car, almost hitting his head because of how tall he was. I smiled at him again and walked up the driveway to knock on the door. When it opened, one of my younger, younger cousins opened the door and all of the colors drained from their face. I knew Jason knew it was him when he saw her face and run off and I looked up at him to give him a look of reassurance. We made our way into the kitchen, a more cabin like feel coming to life as we stepped through the doorway. When we walked in a few people stopped and stared and I held Jason’s hand as he held mine back, a little nervous even though he was the strongest one here. A rowdy cousin of mine walked up and started to talk to Jason, asking what kind of muscle powder he used and how much he lifted only to get a silent response in return. It became a little awkward and I stepped in, explaining that Jason didn’t speak and he nodded, giving Jason a firm pat on the arm. I knew by now that he was growing more comfortable because people weren’t bothered by his presence. We found my mom and dad sat at the dinner table, two seats saved on the opposite side. “Mom, dad!!” I smiled, going up to hug them while Jason stood and watched. My mom backed out of my hug to look at Jason. “ And who is,” my mom said while smiling, resting her arms on the table. “Mom, dad, this is Jason. Jason, these are my parents.” My mom got up and hugged him, feeling his muscles. “Well, you got yourself a good one.” She complimented. My dad put in a  few words and we all sat down to eat, Jason lifting his mask to the side to eat. I talked with everyone at the dinner table while Jason was pulled away by the kids wanting him to play. 

When I was ready to leave, I found Jason being treated like a Jungle gym. Kids were hanging from his arms as he swung them back and forth as they giggled as hard as they could. I smiled and called out for him and he let them down. They all hugged his legs and ran off to the basement where all of the toys were. “Enjoy yourself? The kids seem to think your fun.” I chuckled. He shrugged and walked out fo the front door to the car as I said goodbye to everyone. He did so well today, maybe we should do this more often.  

#horror #jason voorhees #freddy vs jason #friday the 13th #slasher imagines #slasher #slasher fanfiction #slasher movies #slasher x reader #s/o #x s/o #slasher x s/o #slasher s/o #jason voorhees x reader #killers #slasher horror #horror movies

[marcellaisnotme]

to everyone.

to all the amazing people that light up my 2019, let's continue our journey to 2020. 2019 has been pretty amazing to me than last year and i'm rather excited for what's going to come on 2020. its a bit frightening but at the same time i'm ready to face it.

i'm dedicating each of you who got this page a personal message <3

let me start it with my loving Ren ♡ we met not that long ago but long enough for me to call you a special friend. i love hanging out with you, i love ranting everything to you cause you're a really good listener, advisor and most importantly a really great sidekick. okno. you know what to say to make me feel better and i admire that you can think of so much in a short amount of time. the way you handle everything is very responsible and careful, i look up to you alot. let's be more closer and share more stupid shitposts (RED VELVET PLSSS). i love you!!

Jason ♡ we known each other for a very long time but we always been pretty close to each other, but sometimes we don't talk and we argue that one time. and you went missing too but when you came back i was really excited. you were really funny and entertaining. just what i need, just what i wanted. we have a love hate relationship and we never get tired of each other and buuuu-ing each other everytime. okno. you are special to me and i cant find another jason to replace. thanks for being such a great friend. i love you!!

Juan ♡ my favorite movie partner and cuddle buddy <3 the one that would always tell stupid jokes which myself find it really funny even when it's pretty dumb. the one who never get tired of me punching you in the arm. okno. i wanna spend more time watching movies with you cause i personally hate watching movies cause i'm a book person. but when i watch it with you and hear you explaining to me everything made me love movies. pstt. only when i watch it with you <3 HAHAHA let's do more movie dates next time juan, because movies are not watch worthy without you. okno. i love you!!!

bwi ♡ as much as i find you pretty annoying and such a coward but i really know how it takes courage to do something. i know how does it feel when you feel like doing something. but it's find. i dont judge you for it ok? i was just messing around with you cause your reaction is always funny i dont wanna miss it. OKNO. if you havent moved on completely, it's fine. it takes time to heal and takes time to grow. i hope you have a better life and be happy in 2020. i love you!!

Belle ♡ SINCE YOU'RE A GIRL NOW IMMA CALL YOU BELLE. okno you were a guy when we first met and first dated. okno. i can't believe we made it till today even when we dont talk that much these days. i just want you to know even when i'm very very very annoying and stoopid but i am really thankful that you were always there listening to my probs and teas :(( i'm so dramatic. wipes non existent tears. okno. be less busy so that i can kacau you more :(( i love you!!

Kitty Kou ♡ my wife :(( my husband soulmate boyfriend girlfriend my everything :(( screams i miss you so much we're not talking much this days are you THAT busy gimme attention bich :(( okno. i'm glad that you are fine now (i can see and feel it) also i dont want you to be sad no more cause you dont deserve to be :(( i'll karate anyone that tries to mess with you i swear >:( i love you soooo much you're my fav bestie ever you listen to me and play along with me cause thats what soulmates do :(( dont ever leave my side or i'm gonna tie u to me so that you wont escape HAH take that :(( i love you bb♡

Qhal ♡ you stick up to me since day-1 and thats what i love about you. you grew into a better person, you were so much braver and bolder plus happier these days and i've never been so proud of you. i hope your happiness last till next year and the following and forever. every day is a new day. you dont have to close old books and open new ones. you dont have to be someone you're not and importantly, you dont have to do things for anyone else. yourself is your top priority and always remember that you're just as important. seeing you happy makes me happy. we've been friends for god knows how long and you never left my side, ever. you're always a special friend to me. you're always in my heart. i love you!!

Irwin ♡ not gonna deny you're always there for me when i'm in an existential crisis. okno. you're such a fun and funny person to talk with. i always enjoyed talking to you because you could make and awkward situation lively with your randomness. you radiate great and positive energy that anyone around you feel better. you make me feel better when i'm sad. i hope you and jade last looooooooooong enough just like how long we've known each other. i love you!!

Tian ♡ i love talking to you and randomly being stupid with you and jason. i love how we click with each other that much it's like we're siblings. rough things happened but let's all forget about it. i hope for you happiness as you were always sad about a certain someone. it's fine to think about it. it's fine to hold onto it. cause the longer you hold on, the easier it will go away when it gets old. you should really reveal your cute daughter to everyone. cause i miss her and everyone needs to see her <3 she's amazing just like you. i love you!!

Cosmo ♡ as long as we known each other, you were the brightest person and the easiest to get along with. you always know what to do and put your heart in everything you do. i dont like seeing you being sad or depressed anymore because you weren't like that when we first met. always surround yourself with happy stuff >> me. and do things you wanna do that makes you happy. you will always be my cosmo, and i'll always be your wanda♡. i love you!!

Junguan ♡ hi bestie how u doin. okno. i am glad that you're always happy, always problem free. thanks for listening to my problems, thanks for being a great friend. i have a great laugh and a great time with you always. your reaction to my stupidness and sarcasm was always funny i'm not gonna lie. you're always the one that i believe would keep everything i tell you a secret. you're such an awesome person and a great friend. i love you !!

Xie/ Axel ♡ you're a really interesting person to talk to. aside from our past relationship. you're a really strong and a great person. you're someone that doesn't give up on anything you do and i really adore you for that. you make everything seem so funny to me idk why oKNO. but except for our snapstreak, we dont really talk mUCH. did you moveD or are you just busY cause u krik krik im thinking twice about softblocking you. okno. talk to me bitch. i love you!!

marcell/shaq ♡ you change your name to match mine cause you like me eh?? buuu. okno. you were always someone i trusted because you're responsible of doing your job and you're someone nice to talk to i mean not nice nice because you're mean but nice by i can have a conversation with you and talk about random stuff without letting it die because i'm funny and you're lame okno. let other judge your outer and let yourself know your inner. jangan jadi noob for 2020. okno. i love you!!

Eric ♡ my stupid bun. my ride or die. ew. these two years 18/19 has been pretty rough for the both of us and i think it's just a step and a lesson to grow into a better person. you helped me alot through this year and i'm never less thankful for that. the loving things you do for me, the things you would let it slide when it comes to me. your soft spot for me never goes away huh HAH and i'm taking advantage of that. okno i'm kidding. you are a big help for me and for what i went through. you never said no. you always agree on everything and i really appreciate it. when we broke up last year, you still insisted to talk to me. which i find out really annoying. just kidding. i'll let everything slide since you do that to me too. you're a really great person, amazing let me tell you. thanks for being a great friend to me. thanks for helping me out with almost everything. i owe you big time. i love you!!

harry ♡ first of all,  thank you for being a great bestie, we would always talk to each other everyday but you got busy these days :(( but yey, its almost a decade since ive known you, kyak. we met when we were in kbb. you were d__, kyak, smpipol 💕 i feel so giddy giddy all of a sudden lololol. and then we started exchanging contacts, you were first harry, on fl.  and then we had this, nOOt squad gTG. im nunmul-ing.  why is this suddenly a throwback session.  and and and then theres trisha gosh i love trisha and you too. i adore you for being such an honest person, when it comes to telling your problems to us, which is something i cant really do. if you have problems, dont hesitate to tell us, though i dont really help much eheh. but sometimes there are things that arent meant to be said. its okay, theres nothing wrong feeling sad, feeling all those negative feelings. we are human too, we have feelings. it is okay to sometimes not be okay, it is okay. but other than that, be happy with those you are surrounded with. youre someone that worth a big hug.  i hope you spent your day with those you love 💕 i hope youre having a good day. youre an amazingly talented person. i hope youd achieve your dream soon, i pray for your health, and for you to surrounded by lovely people. you're such a talented person and gosh, your drawings for the fashion week, cries. chef kisses momma!!! you should update me on your life more because i wanna know what you do and support you on everything you do. don't forget me anyways :(( because you're the only realest annoying brutally honest bitch i love :(( i love you!! 

thanks for an amazing 2019, lets get closer in 2020. i love you guys. ♡

[mental--musings]

Poor Dental hygiene

God I'm so fucking scared of getting my teeth worked on again, as I've had many teeth pulled as kid and several dental procedures done, I loathe the dentist but I know deep down I have to go to one cause 2 of my teeth have wide open gaping holes that are rotting away. I'm so scared for them to get infected fearing one tooth already is fuck, I hate having poor hygiene due to neglect as a kid and fucking having poor mental health which made me lack the functioning to take care of myself normally, fuck man and on top of that I may have to pay lots just to get a root canal or some shit. God I hate having fucking shitty teeth it is really fucked up because I never had a strong chance with my teeth to begin with I was never forced to brush my teeth nor told to so I never did and still lack today but you what I still fucking smile yellow crooked teeth or not fuck people I dont have to have a picture perfect smile to shine at all.

So here's to those with yellow/discolored teeth, broken teeth, crooked teeth and those missing teeth, our smiles will always shine because guess what that's what a smile is something that makes someone shine and show our happy laughing smiles faces never be ashamed to smile cause you're teeth arent perfect mine aren't but I will always smile and keep on doing so cause screw those who judge you're smile cause you're teeth!

But if you can try and clean them or brush em even if it's just to scrub off the plaque its important that you do so once or twice a day to stay a bit more fresh but trust me I get it dental hygiene is hard as hell and always has been to me so if you struggle for whatever reason you're not alone and I'll be here smiling with my "not perfect smile"

I know you got this try an take care of those teeths but don't ever be ashamed of them...

#dental hygiene #teeth #toothbrushing #smile #actuallymentallyill #actuallyschizoaffective

[crystalninjaphoenix]

One Short Day

A JSE Fanfic

Yay, I wrote something that isn’t connected to pain for once in my life! Or at least, the most you get are hints and maybe a moment. I was planning on working on something else, but...I don’t know, I just felt like I needed something softer, and I’m sure there are people who need that too. So behold, an attempt at mostly-fluff! I just wanted to write the boys having fun out on the town, simple enough ^-^

It was rare that there was a full day they could all be together. A day where Schneep wasn’t working, Chase wasn’t recording, Marvin didn’t have a show, and Jackie didn’t have to bolt off at the last minute to do heroic vigilantism. A day where they could just do whatever they wanted, all of them, together.

They met up at Jackie’s apartment building. Naturally, JJ arrived first, then Schneep and Chase at about the same time. Just when they were starting to get worried, Marvin showed up, sprinting up to the group and skidding to a halt beside them.

“Late again, I see?” Jackie said when Marvin finally caught his breath. “Maybe we should just tell you we’re meeting thirty minutes earlier than we actually are.”

“Gimme a break.” Marvin rolled his eyes. “My phone was out of battery so I couldn’t check the time, then I got distracted.”

Jackie raised an eyebrow. “With what?”

“Um...” Marvin looked away, embarrassed. “I may have started playing Plague Inc...for an hour...or more.”

“Dude. Set a timer next time or something,” Chase said. “Ask JJ if you can borrow one of his watches if you have to, I dunno, anything.”

“Enough of this, we are wasting minutes,” Schneep said, checking his own watch. “Jackie decided what to do, what is it?”

Jackie immediately brightened. “Okay, so, we all know JJ hasn’t seen much of the town.” Everyone nodded. “So I thought we could give him the grand tour! Get lunch, go to the park, and I think the fair is open tonight so we can finish with that. That good with everyone?”

“So we’re just gonna walk all over town?” Chase asked. “Only two of us can drive, and none of us have a car right now.”

“Toughen up, Chase, walking’s good for you!” Marvin teased. “Right? Schneep, you’re a doctor, tell him I’m right.”

“He’s right,” Schneep said.

“See?!”

JJ snapped his fingers for attention. I thought we were wasting time? I certainly can’t lead the way, so I’ll ask one of you to.

“Right!” Jackie started off. “C’mon guys, lunch is waiting for us!”

They ended up at a local restaurant near the center of town called Kassie’s. It was a quaint little place, and since it was a warm day they decided to sit at a table outside. The chipper waitress gave them a plate of free fries, then took their order, and headed back inside.

“Is it just me, or is it kind of hot today?” Chase asked, fanning himself with some of the napkins.

“No, it’s not just you. God, I’m dying,” Jackie agreed.

“Jackie, you are not only wearing long sleeves, you are wearing two layers of them,” Schneep pointed out with a smile.

“Oh, you’re one to talk, Mr. Sweater-all-the-time!” Jackie rolled his eyes. “What about Jays? He’s got that vest/dress shirt on.”

JJ looked aghast. You four can run around and show your arms all you like, but I’ll have you know it isn’t proper for a gentleman!

“Are you implying we aren’t gentlemen?” Marvin asked, right before tossing a fry into the air and catching it in his mouth.

JJ raised an eyebrow. Indeed.

“I don’t care, it’s hot. I’m taking this off.” With a few flailing arms, Jackie pulled his hoodie over his head and tugged it off, revealing a Marvel-themed T-shirt underneath. “Ah. That’s better.” He looked around to see the others staring at him with wide eyes. “What?”

“Holy shit, Jackie!” Chase yelled. “Your arm!”

“Wh—oh fuck I forgot I was wearing short sleeves today.” Jackie looked down at his left arm. “Yeah, okay, I got scars, you can look all you want.”

“So that’s why I’ve never seen you in T-shirts,” Marvin realized. “Jackie, what the fuck happened?”

Jackie frowned, then coughed awkwardly. “Y’know...I’d rather not talk about it right now. Maybe later. Besides, Schneep already knows the story. ‘S how we met.”

“Honestly, you three are making mountains out of mole hills,” Schneep said. “Is fine now. You should see his torso, now those are scars.”

That only made the other three look more worried. Jackie sighed. “Look, guys, we’re having a fun day. We’re gonna have fun, and not gonna get all concerned, though I do appreciate it. And you—” he glared at Schneep “—need to stop saying that, ‘cause it makes it sound like I lost some epic battle instead of just having top surgery.”

Chase and Marvin relaxed in unison. “I’m still convinced you have, I dunno, fucking bullet scars or something,” Marvin muttered as Chase pulled the remains of the fries towards him.

“Oh yeah, but Schneep’s talking about the surgery. He’s done this before, and it’s no longer funny!” Jackie looked pointedly at Schneep when saying that last part, who just responded with a massive grin.

JJ was the only one who still looked concerned, but now that was paired with confusion. He looked around at the others. What is top surgery?

You could almost hear the hiss as the others all inhaled sharply in unison. They’d all forgotten for a moment that JJ didn’t know. Schneep cleared his throat. “Jackie, would you like to explain?”

“Right yeah. God, where do I start with this?” There was a slight pause in the conversation as the waitress returned with their food. The moment she was out of earshot, Jackie started up again. “Alright, so...” he leaned forward, hands clasped together, eyes wide and nervous. “You know how I call myself Jackieboy Man, right?”

JJ nodded. A moniker I never understood, but yes.

“Well, I didn’t always call myself that. Neither did anyone else. Because, well, they all thought that...I was a, uh, girl. Even I did. For the longest time I just sort of...accepted it. I only started to figure it out in high school. I got my first job, and one of the customers called me ‘that nice lady,’ and hearing it...just sort of surprised me. Like someone gave the wrong answer to a really easy test question. So...I started thinking, and eventually I realized that I wasn’t...actually a girl. That was when I renamed myself.”

JJ didn’t look any less confused. Why would they not understand that? Wouldn’t they be able to...see that you are not?

Jackie winced. “Well, no...you see, I...fuck.” Jackie put his head in his hands, took a deep breath, then looked up again. “I was born...in the wrong body. Top surgery is...it’s to get rid of the parts I didn’t want. Are you...are you getting this now?”

After a moment, JJ’s eyes widened. He nodded hesitantly.

“Okay. Good. Great.” Jackie sighed. “I don’t know if this word existed in the twenties, but nowadays we have ‘transgender’ as...a thing. When someone is something other than what their body is born as. I’m still a he. Or, just, anything but she, really. Literally call me anything but a girl. And please, don’t ask about what my name was before. Or what’s...down there. Those questions make me...really uncomfortable.”

My good man! JJ signed. Why would I do such a rude thing? And to my dear friend, nonetheless. 

Jackie’s shoulders slumped. He leaned back in his chair and exhaled in relief. He’d been dreading this conversation, but better to rip the bandaid off now. “Thanks, man. I...appreciate your understanding.”

JJ smiled. No trouble at all, Jackie! I may not fully grasp the concept, but that’s no reason to disrespect your wishes.

“If you want, I can answer questions. Just...later. And as long as you get I don’t represent everyone who’s trans.”

JJ nodded and gave a thumbs-up. There was silence for a moment, before Chase broke it by saying “Hey, guys, I made a Jenga tower out of fries.”

Schneep rolled his eyes, and immediately knocked over Chase’s tower.

“Aw you bitch!” Chase gasped. “You didn’t even play the game right!”

“Fuck your games. Actually eat the food like it’s supposed to be.”

“You’re just jealous cause you got a salad instead.”

“Maybe I am! Did you think of that?!”

“Dude, I just said I did!”

The rest of lunch was covered in the blanket of familiar banter. Jackie smiled to himself. God, he was so glad nothing changed.

About two hours later, the boys had made their way to the southern part of the city. That was where the park was. It had an official name, but everyone just called it “the park” because there was only one of them and it was shorter. The park itself was pretty big, with trees, paths, flowerbeds, and two playgrounds at either end.

Since it was the middle of the afternoon, there were quite a few families with young children hanging around, parents watching their kids climb all over the jungle gyms and pushing them on the swings. While Marvin and Jackie walked ahead, pulling JJ with them and talking his ears off, Chase and Schneep hung back a bit. Chase was staring at the families on the playground.

“Chase? Are you okay?” Schneep asked gently. 

“Yeah...yeah, I’m fine. It’s not a down day.” Schneep gave him a Look. “No, really! It’s just...y’know, seeing all the kids kinda bums me out. You know?”

“Of course I do, Chase,” Schneep said. He was probably the only one of the boys who did. “If you are feeling upset, you can go home.”

“No! God, no, that’s not what I meant at all. This has been good so far. I don’t want it to end.” Chase frowned. “Now I’m just...man. I’m starting to lose it.”

“Chase.” Schneep grabbed his hand. “If you are not enjoying yourself, we can always go do something more quiet. We would hate to push you to do something you are not up to.”

Chase considered it for a moment, then shook his head. “Nah, it’s not too bad. It helps that you guys are here, I think. But I’ll let you know...if it gets too much.”

Schneep gave him a long look, before finally judging that everything was alright. “Okay. You have to do that, or I am going to break into your home at night and yell at you for lying.”

“Okay, okay, I get the idea,” Chase laughed. He looked down at their clasped hands. “You’re not worried people are gonna think we’re a couple, then?”

“What? Oh. Is there no such thing as regular hand-holding in this country?! Besides, it should not fucking matter. Also you are not my type anyway.”

“Yeah, you’re not mine, either. You’re a guy.” Chase and Schneep both had a good laugh at that.

Marvin looked over his shoulder at the two of them. “Are you two gonna walk fast or what?”

“Or what,” Chase said with a smirk.

“Oh, you’re hilarious. A fucking comedic genius. Hey guys!” he said that last part to Jackie and JJ. “We’re gonna slow down so these two assholes can join us.”

“Marvin, how dare you,” Schneep said, mock-offended. “At least be more creative in your insulting us.”

“No.” The two mini-groups merged together to form the main group once again. “So what’re you two talking about?”

“Chase is worried that hand-holding makes a couple,” Schneep tattled.

“Bullshit,” Marvin stated. Jackie went “yeah!” in the background. JJ frowned at the use of language, but nodded. “What makes a couple is the kissing. And romantic interest in each other, which leads to the former.”

“You say, having not been on a date in at least five months,” Jackie muttered.

“Shut your stupid face, you...lovely person.” Marvin pulled his wand out of his pocket and twirled it, like he did when he was nervous. “We’ve all been kinda busy lately.”

“Yeah...that’s true,” Jackie sighed. “But maybe if you went out more, you could find someone you could go out with. Just once, if a commitment isn’t your thing right now.”

Marvin frowned. “Why in the wide world of wingmen would I go on a date once deliberately?”

“A night of fun?” Schneep suggested.

“With a complete stranger that I have no interest in? No. I need to have some intrigue in whoever they end up being.”

“None of you are gonna get anywhere with him,” Chase said. “He doesn’t get one-night stands.”

“Damn right I don’t! There’s no point!”

And it just seems improper, JJ signed. If you aren’t going to court someone, don’t approach them at all.

“Marvin! You have an ally!” Jackie gasped. 

“Good. Finally, someone who agrees with me.” Marvin held up his hand and, after a moment of figuring out, JJ high-fived it. “Yeah! There we go, you got it!”

Jackie checked the time on his phone. “Alright, it’s starting to get a bit late. If we want to get enough time at the fair, we’re gonna have to book it to the eastern side.”

They didn’t actually run the whole way there, despite Jackie wanting to. By the time they got to the fair the sun was starting to set. They bought tickets and headed inside, where the Ferris wheel and the roller coaster towered over the smaller rides and the carnival games. It was a weekday, but it was one of the first days the fair was open, so the fairgrounds were crowded but not packed.

Chase gasped. “Games. We can do the games first.”

You do realized they’re all rigged, right? JJ asked.

“Who cares? They’re fun! Games now.”

Soon, the others started to suspect that the reason Chase was so eager to play games was because he knew he would win every time. The dude was scarily good. A combination of sheer luck, skill, and fuck-it-let’s-take-a-chance-ness led to many more victories than the others, something Marvin and Schneep immediately called him out for.

“You are cheating, I am sure of it!” Schneep huffed, folding his arms.

“Nah, just have a knack for it. And, in this case, practice.” Chase tossed one of the wooden balls back and forth while he waited for the carnival worker to hand him his prize. “Ya gotta aim for a bit above the spot where the third jug sits on top of the other two, then throw hard. It’s a bit of an arc.”

“No, you’re a cheater,” Marvin asserted, muttering darkly.

“Aw, c’mon! Here, will this make you less salty?” Chase accepted his stuffed prize from the worker, then handed it right over to Marvin. “I got it for you! You like cats.”

Marvin glared down at the plushie. “You’re lucky it has a cute face,” he said.

“See?!” Chase smiled. He was actually having a good time. It was a good change of pace from the park.

Eventually, everyone had a prize except for JJ. They were running out of games to play, but then Jackie spotted one of those ‘find the ball under the shuffling cups.’ “Hey guys, you up for that one?”

JJ brightened. I’m actually quite skilled at those!

“Well, then, let’s go!” Jackie pulled him over, the others in tow.

The carnival worker was calling out the rules of the game. “You get one, you win one of these lovely roses, you get two in a row, you win one of these tiny fellows here, and you get three in a row, you win one of these adorable penguins! Step right up, step right up!”

“Hey!” Jackie waved to get the worker’s attention. “We want to play!”

“Well then, young sirs, the rules are simple. Keep your eye on the ball, see right here, right here, it’s under the middle cup. Now watch as I take the cup this way, then that, then this and oh look at that! It’s goin’ fast, it’s goin’ fast don’t lose it don’t lose it! Now, which one is the ball under?”

Jackie was fairly sure he knew where it was, but he turned to JJ anyway. “So, which one?” he asked.

JJ bit his lip, then reached forward to point at one of the cups...only for the worker to slap his hand away. “I’m sorry sir, please don’t touch the cups. To prevent tamperin’, see? Just tell me.”

JJ looked a bit stunned at the worker’s aggressive tone. But he signed It’s under the left one.

“Excuse me?”

“He says it’s under the left one,” Marvin jumped in.

“...ah, I see.” The worker lifted up the cup to reveal the ball. “Seems you were right. Do you want to try again?”

The boys glanced uneasily between each other. The worker’s tone had dropped from the polite-carnival talk to one that was a bit...short. She was also talking much slower than she was before, drawing out the vowel sounds. “He can hear you perfectly fine,” Chase said. “He just can’t talk.”

“Mmm...I see...” The worker pursed her lips. “Do you want to try again?”

They all nodded. The worker was silent this time as she shuffled the cups, faster than before. When she stopped, she looked at Jackie. “Which one is the ball under?”

Jackie had a vague idea where, but he wasn’t sure. “JJ, do you know?”

The left one again, JJ signed, less enthusiastically.

“The left,” Jackie translated.

The worker frowned as she revealed the ball under the left cup. “You boys aren’t cheating, are you? Those weird gestures seem like symbols.”

Marvin laughed bitterly. “Yeah, they’re symbols alright. They stand for words. Do you not know how sign language fucking works? He’s telling us the answers ‘cause he’s the best one at it. Now let’s do this one more time.”

The worker shuffled the cups impossibly fast. Once more, she asked Jackie where the ball was. This time, he had no idea, and just looked at JJ. JJ, in turn, stiffened a bit, eyes hardening. It’s under the right one, though I wouldn’t put it past her to sneak it up her sleeve.

“Right,” all the boys said in unison.

The worker reluctantly lifted up the rightmost cup to show the ball sitting underneath. “Congratulations,” she said dully. “You win one of the big prizes. What color do you want?”

Turquoise, JJ signed. “Turquoise,” Jackie translated.

They walked away from the booth in silence. After a few moments of walking, Marvin said, “I could totally put a curse on her.”

“No,” Jackie said firmly.

“Just one little spell. She can lose her voice for a week.”

JJ shook his head, then tucked his prize under his arm so he could use his hands to sign. Revenge is never the best answer. 

“It’s what she deserves!” Marvin snarled. “She was making that difficult on purpose. I saw her, she was going much slower with the customers before us. JJ, I’m so absolutely sorry on her behalf, cause god knows she’s not gonna fucking apologize.”

It’s okay, JJ insisted. Believe it or not, I’ve faced worse, especially in my day. They were much less friendly back then.

“I am sure you are not using that word in the correct meaning,” Schneep mumbled.

Marvin shoved his hand into the pocket containing his wand. “One hex. Come on. Just one. I won’t even make her ears fall off or anything.”

Everyone refused to let Marvin curse the carnival worker, and he reluctantly relented. At this point, they’d finished with the games, and all that was left were the rides. They took turns, one or two of them sitting out to watch the accumulated prizes while the others spun and flew and then stumbled off the rides. After trying most of the rides out, they took a snack break for ice cream and cotton candy.

“I think the Ferris wheel is the only one left,” Jackie said. “Unless we want to catch that sideshow thing. There’s supposed to be magicians—”

“Fake,” Marvin interrupted.

“—clowns, animals, and they advertised a knife-thrower—”

Schneep nearly choked on his ice cream. “No.”

“Okay, got it. No show then.” Jackie nodded. “But I’m not too sure about the Ferris wheel. I know at least one of us is afraid of heights.”

“Yeah, uh, me.” Chase bit his lip. “But I think I’ll be fine if I don’t look over the edge. Unless someone else doesn’t want to go on it, then I’ll stay off with them.”

“I’m good,” Jackie said. “Schneep? Marv? Either of you scared of heights?” Both of them shook their heads. “Alright. JJ?”

JJ signed, A bit, but after all these dizzy rides, I’ll take something calm like the Ferris wheel, if you please.

“Alright. Guess we’re going on the wheel, then!”

Night had truly fallen by this point. The Ferris wheel wasn’t exceptionally tall, but it still rose above everything else in the fair, providing a fantastic view of the colored lights below. Instead of having the traditional two-person seats, this wheel had booths that could fit up to eight people, so all the boys fit into one just fine. The wheel turned, and the booth turned with it. Chase squirmed, resolutely not looking over the side. Jackie and Marvin did the exact opposite, practically leaning out of the booth to look down below.

JJ tapped Schneep, signing something real quick. Schneep nodded, then yelled “Can you two stop that?! You are going to fall out of the fucking side, and you are making Jamie nervous.”

“Oh, sorry.” Jackie sat back down.

“Aww,” Marvin groaned, but pulled back into his seat. “I hope you know I do this for you, JJ.”

JJ smiled. Thank you, it’s appreciated. And I’m sure your body feels the same way, having narrowly avoided a fall to great injury.

“Nah, I would’ve been fine.”

The wheel stopped. Their booth was right at the top. “Oh, fuck,” Chase muttered, covering his eyes with his hands.

“You know, you didn’t have to come,” Jackie said quietly. “We would’ve been alright letting you stay down on the ground.”

Chase peeked between his hands. “I know. But...it’s really nice up here. Quiet. And with just you guys. As long as I ignore the distance from the ground, I’m good. You’re my friends, you know, and you make everything better.”

“Oh, Chase,” Marvin gasped. “That’s...really sweet!”

“What? Didn’t think we where friends?”

“It’s...always nice to be reminded.” Marvin smiled softly.

Well then consider this your reminder, Marvin! JJ wiggled his mustache happily. I consider you all my friends, maybe even family. You are all wonderful people and I love having you in my life!

“Nooo, stop.” It was hard to see in the dark, only lit up by the lightbulbs on the Ferris wheel, but it was possible that Marvin was actually blushing.

“You know what? I love you guys.” Jackie grinned. “Not afraid to admit it! Best friends I’ve ever had.”

Schneep cleared his throat. “Yes, I feel the same. You are all great people, and I am fortunate to have met you. I...love you as well.”

“Aaaahck!” Marvin appeared to be trying to fold into himself. “Too much love! Fatality!”

Chase chuckled. “Marvin! Accept our love!”

We love you, Marvin! JJ signed eagerly. Now you have to say it back!

Marvin made a strange sort of groaning exhale before inhaling deeply, calming down. “Yeah...I—I love you guys too. God, I love you guys so much. You should all know that.”

“There we go!” Jackie said, triumphant. “Marvin, you are, truly, the emotionally constipated one. And I thought Schneep was the worst.”

“Excuse me?!” Schneep gasped. “I assure you I am very love-sharing. I just do not use words too much because they are complicated.”

“Understandable,” Chase shrugged. “I can barely speak half the time, and I was born in English.”

I thought you were born in Ireland, JJ signed, amused.

“Oh, you know what I mean!”

The Ferris wheel started lowering, stopping and starting as it let passengers off. The boys stepped out of the booth and onto land once again.

JJ yawned. I must say that I’m rather tired after all this. I think it’s time we go home.

“Yeah, I’m starting to feel it,” Jackie agreed.

“You all are weak!” Marvin countered. “I’m good for another couple hours.”

“Watch you crash immediately upon entering your room,” Chase laughed.

“Oh, shut up.”

“I think JJ is right,” Jackie said. “It’s time to go home.”

Schneep nodded. “Yes, I could stay up longer, but I have morning shift tomorrow so I should not push my luck. I will see you all later?”

“Oh yeah.”

“Course, dude!”

“Definitely.”

Count on it!

With that, they left the fair. Eventually they split up, each heading their own separate ways until they eventually got to wherever they were staying that night. Some went to sleep immediately, some stayed up a bit later, but eventually they all went to bed.

And when they decided to do it, none of them had trouble for once.

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