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headspace-hotel · 1 year

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against the logic of the lawn

Imagine a box.

This box is sealed with tape or adhesive, which shows you that it has never been opened or re-used. It is in pristine condition. Apart from that, the box could hold anything. It could contain a Star Wars Funko Pop, a printer, a shirt ordered from some sketchy online vendor, a knockoff store-brand cereal, six individually wrapped protein bars.

As a Consumer ("the" Consumer) this is your fundamental right: To purchase a box that is, presumably, identical to every other box like it.

When you Buy Product, it arrives in a box, entire of itself and without context. It has not changed since its creation. If and when Product does change—whether it is broken, spoiled, used up, or eaten—you can Buy Product that is identical in every meaningful way to the original.

It's okay if this doesn't make sense yet. (You can stop imagining the box now.)

Imagine instead a suburban housing development, somewhere in the USA.

Imagine row on row of pristine, newly built houses, each constructed with small, meaningless variations in their aesthetic, all with beige or white vinyl siding and perhaps some decorative brick, all situated on identical rectangles of land covered with freshly unrolled sod. This is the Product that every consumer aspires to Buy.

I am not exactly—qualified, or entitled, to speak on the politics of land ownership in this country. My ancestors benefited directly from the genocide of Native Americans, which allowed Europeans to steal the land they lived on, which is where a lot of wealth comes from in the end, even today. However, I have eyes in my head to see that the act of colonizing a continent, and an economic system that formed as a supporting infrastructure to colonization, have embedded something almost irreparably dysfunctional into the dominant American culture's relationship to land.

This dysfunctional Thing, this Sickness, leads us to consider land to be a Product, and to consider a human upon the land to be a Consumer.

From this point of view, land is either locked into this relationship of control and "use" to varying extents, or it is free of human influence. People trying to reason about how to preserve Earth's biosphere, working within this framework without realizing, decide that we must "set aside" large areas of land for "nature."

This is a naive and, I would reckon, probably itself colonialist way of seeing things. It appears to be well-validated by evidence. Where human population is largest, there is less biodiversity.

But I find the broad conclusions to be strikingly unscientific. The plan of "setting aside part of Earth for nature" displays little curiosity about the mechanisms by which human presence impacts biodiversity. Otherwise intelligent people, perhaps caught up in the "bargaining" phase of climate grief, seem taken in by the idea that the human species gives off a magical anti-biodiversity force field, as if feeling guiltier will fix the problems.

(Never mind that lands managed by indigenous folk actually have MORE biodiversity...almost like our species' relationship to the planet isn't inherently exploitative, but rather, the capitalist and colonialist powers destroying everything.......)

Let's go back to the image of the new housing development. This image could be just about anywhere in the USA, because the American suburban home is made for universal interchangeability, where each little house and yard is static and replaceable with any other.

Others have written about the generic-ification of the interiors of homes, how houses are decorated with the most soul-killing, colorless furnishings to make them into Products more effectively. (I think @mcmansionhell wrote about it.)

This, likewise, is the Earth turned into a Product—razed down into something with no pre-existing context, history, or responsibility. Identical parcels of land, identical houses, where once there was a unique and diverse distribution of life. The American lawn, the American garden, the industry that promotes these aesthetics, is the environmental version of that ghastly, ugly "minimalism" infecting the interiors of homes.

The extremely neat, sparse, manicured look that is so totally inescapable in American yards originated from the estates of European aristocracy, which displayed the owner's wealth by flaunting an abundance of land that was both heavily managed and useless. People defend the lawn on the basis that grass tolerates being walked upon and is good for children to play, but to say this is *the* purpose of a lawn is bullshit—children are far more interested in trees, creeks, sticks, weeds, flowers, and mud than Grass Surface, many people with lawns do not have children, and most people spend more time mowing their lawn than they do doing literally anything else outside. How often do you see Americans outside in their yards doing anything except mowing?

What is there to do, anyway? Why would you want to go outside with nothing but the sun beating down on you and the noise of your neighbors' lawn mowers? American culture tries to make mowing "manly" and emphasizes that it is somehow fulfilling in of itself. Mowing the lawn is something Men enjoy doing—almost a sort of leisure activity.

I don't have something against wanting a usable outdoor area that is good for outdoor activities, I do, however, have something against the idea that a lawn is good for outdoor activities. Parents have been bitching for decades about how impossible it is to drag kids outdoors, and there have been a million PSAs about how children need to be outside playing instead of spending their lives on video games. Meanwhile, at the place I work, every kid is ECSTATIC and vibrating with enthusiasm to be in the woods surrounded by trees, sticks, leaves, and mud.

The literal, straightforward historical answer to the lawn is that the American lawn exists to get Americans to spend money on chemicals. The modern lawn ideal was invented to sell a surplus of fertilizer created after WW2 chemical plants that had been used to make explosives were repurposed to produce fertilizer. Now you know! The more analytical, sociological answer is that the purpose of the lawn is to distance you from the lower class. A less strictly maintained space lowers property values, it looks shabby and unkempt, it reflects badly on the neighborhood, it makes you look like a "redneck." And so on. The largest, most lavish McMansions in my area all have the emptiest, most desolate yards, and the lush gardens all belong to tiny, run-down houses.

But the answer that really cuts to the core of it, I think, is that lawns are a technology for making land into a Product for consumers. (This coexists with the above answers.) Turfgrass is a perfectly generic blank slate onto which anything can be projected. It is emptiness. It is stasis.

I worry about the flattening of our imaginations. Illustrations in books generally cover the ground outdoors in a uniform layer of green, sometimes with strokes suggesting individual blades of grass if they want to get fancy. Video games do this. Animated shows and movies do this.

Short, carpet-like turfgrass as the Universal Outdoor Surface is so ubiquitous and intuitive that any alternative is bizarre, socially unacceptable, and for many, completely unimaginable. When I am a passenger in a car, what horrifies me the most to see out the window is not only the turfgrass lawns of individuals, but rather, the turfgrass Surface that the entire inhabited landscape has been rendered into—vacant stretches of land surrounding businesses and churches, separating parking lots, bordering Wal-Marts, apartment complexes, and roadsides.

These spaces are not used, they are almost never walked upon. They do nothing. They are maintained, ceaselessly, by gas-powered machines that are far, far more carbon-emitting than cars per hour of use, emitting in one hour the same amount of pollution as a 500-mile drive. It is an endless effort to keep the land in the same state, never mind that it's a shitty, useless state.

Nature is dynamic. Biodiversity is dynamic. From a business point of view, the lawn care industry has found a brilliant scheme to milk limitless money from people, since trying to put a stop to the dynamism and constant change of nature is a Sisyphean situation, and nature responds with increasingly aggressive and rapid change as disturbance gets more intense.

On r/lawncare, a man posted despairingly that he had spent over $1500 tearing out every inch of sod in his yard, only for the exact same weeds to return. That subreddit strikes horror in my heart that I cannot describe, and the more I learn about ecology, the more terrible it gets. It was common practice for people in r/lawncare to advise others to soak their entire yard in Roundup to kill all plant life and start over from a "blank slate."

Before giving up, I tried to explain over and over that it was 100% impossible to get a "blank slate." Weeds typically spread by wind and their seeds can persist for DECADES in the soil seed bank, waiting for a disastrous event to trigger them to sprout. They will always come back. It's their job.

It was impossible for those guys to understand that they were inherently not just constructing a lawn from scratch, and were contending with another power or entity (Nature) with its own interests.

The logic of the lawn also extends into our gardens. We are encouraged to see the dynamism of nature as something that acts against our interests (and thus requires Buy Product) so much, that we think any unexpected change in our yard is bad. People are sometimes baffled when I see a random plant popping up among my flowers as potentially a good thing.

"That's a weed!" Maybe! Nonetheless, it has a purpose. I don't know who this stranger is, so I would be a fool to kill it!

A good caretaker knows that the place they care for will change on its own, and that this is GOOD and brings blessings or at least messages. I didn't have to buy goldenrod plants—they came by themselves! Several of our trees arrived on their own. The logic that sees all "weeds" as an enemy to be destroyed without even identifying ignores the wisdom of nature's processes.

The other day at work, the ecologist took me to see pink lady's slipper orchids. The forest there was razed and logged about a hundred years ago, and it got into my head to ask how the orchids returned. He only shrugged. "Who knows?"

Garden centers put plants out for sale when they are blooming. People buy trees from Fast Growing Trees dot com. The quick, final results that are standard with Buy Product, which are so completely opposite the constant slow chaos of nature, have become so standard in the gardening world that the hideous black mulch sold at garden centers is severed from the very purpose of mulch, and instead serves to visually emphasize small, lonely plants against its dark background. (For the record, once your plants mature, you should not be able to SEE the mulch.)

Landscapers regularly place shrubs, bushes, trees and flowers in places where they have no room to reach maturity. It's standard—landscapers seem to plan with the expectation that everything will be ripped out within 5-10 years. The average person has no clue how big trees and bushes get because their entire surroundings, which are made of living things (which do in fact feel and communicate) are treated as disposable.

Because in ten years, this building won't be an orthodontists' office, in ten years, this old lady will be dead, in ten years, the kids will have grown, and capitalism is incapable of preparing for a future, only for the next buyer.

The logic of the lawn is that gardens and ecosystems that take time to build are not to be valued, because a lush, biodiverse garden is not easily sold, easily bought, easily maintained, easily owned, or easily treated with indifference. An ecosystem requires wisdom from the caretaker. That runs contrary to the Consumer identity.

And it's this disposable-ness, this indifference, that I am ultimately so strongly against, not grass, or low turf that you can step on.

What if we saw buying land as implying a responsibility to be its caretaker? To respect the inhabitants, whether or not we are personally pleased by them or think they look pretty? What creature could deserve to be killed just because it didn't make a person happy?

But the Consumer identity gives you something else...a sense of entitlement. "This is MY yard, and that possum doesn't get to live there." "This is MY yard, and I don't want bugs in it." "This is MY yard, and I can kill the spiders if I want to."

Meanwhile there is no responsibility to build the soil up for the next gardener. No responsibility to plant oaks that will grow mighty and life-giving. No responsibility to plant fruit-producing trees, brambles, and bushes. None of these things, any of which could have fulfilled a responsibility to the future. Rather, just to do whatever you damn well please, and leave those that come after with depleted, compacted soil and the aftermath of years of constant damage. It took my Meadow ten years to recover from being the garden patch of the guy that lived here before us. Who knows what he did to it.

The loss of topsoil in all our farmland is a bigger example, and explains how this is directly connected to colonialism. The Dust Bowl, the unsustainable farming practices that followed, the disappearance of the lush fertile prairie topsoil because of greed and colonizer mindset, and simple refusal to learn from what could be observed in nature. The colonizing peoples envisioned the continent as an "Empty" place, a Blank Slate that could be used and exploited however.

THAT is what's killing the planet, this idea that the planet is to be used and abused and bought and sold, that the power given by wealth gives you entitlement to do whatever you want. That "Land" is just another Product, and our strategies for taking care of Earth should be whatever causes the most Buy Product.

It's like I always write..."You are not a consumer! You are a caretaker!"

#plants #native plants #no lawns #kill your lawn #anti lawn #consumerism #capitalism #colonialism #genocide tw

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jd07201990 · 3 months

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"Coach.... I think we should quit it with the shakes for a while... I can't get my shirt down!"

I muttered, feeling every ounce of the 40 lbs I'd gained in just 2 months. I could feel the thick, pastelike protein shake churning in my belly, a dull roaring heat gradually oozing from my core, out to my chest, shoulders, waist, legs, and arms. The raw, itching tingle of energy, fuel pumping into my sore muscles up into taut, stretched masses. Despite wanting to play lacrosse, and maybe look good enough to get a date finally, I'd made a mistake when I asked Coach for help.

I should have known better as I watched nearly all the incoming freshman boys suddenly grow into grunting, sweating behemoths. The Dorms I'd been assigned to just 3 months ago, meant for incoming Science and Math Majors, now resembled a Frathouse. With heaving, lumbering nerds slowly losing interest in Planets and Chemicals, as they packed themselves solid in the cafeteria and snacked all throughout the day. All of us were bulking up pretty fast, and it wouldn't have been so bad, if I was unaware like the rest of the dorm!

Despite my protest, Coach slapped my back, causing an enormous belch to erupt from me. I groaned, my calloused hand going to my gut as I suddenly felt as if I were starving, what little room that belch had opened, now amplified into an insatiable hunger. Coach smirked at me, pushing one of his snack bars into my hand. I tried so hard to shake my head, to deny caloric nuke in my hand, but I found myself opening the wrapper with my teeth, biting into it and closing my eyes as the feeling of hunger subsided. Clach chuckled, putting his hand on my taut, boulder-like shoulder.

"No can do, you know the rules! All coach’s boys need their required nutrition. Don't you want to be the best? You said you wanted this, didn't you?" He said with a sneer, looking my hefty, thick-piled bulk up and down before giving my half-melon sized pec a soft punch, feeling the solid muscle under the layer of fat all of Coach's boys seemed to develop.

By the end of the year, not a single Jock in school was less than 200 lbs. The school had to cut some funding from the Science Department to cover the near mountain of new clothes, specifically shirts and shoes, as none of us fit into our original gear. I for one, ended up an XXL, lumbering around the halls and the gym at a whopping 220lbs. The entire school seemed to reek of athlete, classes with more than 2 jocks, often had some students complaining about the funk, while the girls, and gay guys tried to hide their arousal. My shoes, which consisted of sneakers and cleats, were all now size 14s, with not a single pair in the school less than a 13w.

I tried at first to get used to the size, the weight, the routine of workouts, meals, barely any time for assignments, as the school and Coach seemed hellbent on ensuring the Sports Budget was going to good use. All of us were forced to play a sport, the teams now full of grunting, sweating, aggressive young bulls hopped up on redbulls and creatine. For me, I ended up playing Football. I wanted to play Lacrosse, but coach said I had the genes for some real size, and vetoed my choice. He says by the time he's through with me, I'll be the biggest Biology major in the school. He says its what's best for me but I know why he's doing it. Because I haven't broken down like the others. I still kept my mind, and as long as I have that, the sweat, the meals, the snacks, and the grueling workouts will continue. Coach never fails, some of the sponsors say while they're eyeing us all up and down like priced bulls on a ranch.

I don't know what happens after graduation, but I'm pretty sure Weston Ridgeway, an eccentric foreign millionaire who bankrolls the Football team, has his eye on me. Coach says Ridgeway tends to like his "interns" Big, Dumb, and insatiable... I don't know how long before I fit all 3. I'm already big, and my backpack is full of shakes and snack bars proves I'm insatiable... Coach says he's got 3 years to, as he puts it, "Raise me up good and proper"

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catboybiologist · 3 months

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Alright I can't finish this all in one sitting, but here's at least a bit of.... something? A word vomit? A prelude to smut about the eroticism of the machine? For all you robot, mecha, and spaceship fuckers out there. @k1nky-r0b0t-g1rl that means you

Pappy always said that manufacturing biological transportation was nothing knew. I mean, shit, humanity's been breeding horses for how long? To him, not much was novel about what was going on in the shipyards way out by Neptune when I was a kid.

But Pappy didn't know a lot of things. And he certainly didn't meet Roseanna.

The Federation Navy had experimented with biologics for decades. The idea was to create self regenerating ships- something to interface with the hull, move the new titanium plates and particulates into place, have a living, growing mass interfacing with the steel so that the ship didn't have to head all the way back to the yards to patch up after every dogfight.

The first generation... worked. With a full time crew, that is. Full time people on deck jabbin the rigid, chitonous interface with the hull full of growth hormones to get them to set just right. Full time onboard bioengineers to compute what signaling cocktail ya need to hit 'em with to get it to grow back right. Skilled onboard technicians to shave back the chitin when it tried to overgrow the titanium, and slap some new cells in to seed the process in heavily damaged areas. Less input material, less time in the yards, but far more manpower. Great for a Federation cruiser on deep space peacekeeping missions. Far too complex for small craft. Right?

Until some bastard put brains in 'em.

Well. A lotta suits would say that they weren't brains. They were a diffuse network of sensory neurons and ganglia, living inside the body of the ship, integrating signals from a skin of alloyed metal and fibrous protein, calculating power draw too and from various components, and integrating with the mechanical and electrical components of the ship to precisely manage the "wound healing" process of the vessel. And of course, it just so happened that one of those ganglia was larger and more complex than the rest of them, and it just so happened that the computer interfaces with this ganglia exhibit complex, thinking behaviors on the level of human cognition, and it just so happens that most pilots and navigators reported them developing their own personalities.....

But of course, the Navy didn't want anyone to have some kind of pesky empathy in the way of their operations. And they certainly didn't want anyone side eyeing the rate at which they disposed of the damn things, and let them suffer and rot after disposal. So as far as the official record was concerned, they didn't have brains.

Like most people in the belt, I found Rosie on a... unsponsored field trip to the Neptune scrap yards. She wasn't a ship then. She wasn't much of anything. Not much more than a vat with the central ganglia and just barely enough of the stem cells needed to regrow a network. But I took her all the same. Brains were valuable. Few pilots outside the Navy had them back then. Nowadays, a black market for "brain seeds", a cocktail of neuronal stem cells and enough structural stem cells to grow your own into the chassis of your ship. They were pumpin' em out, and leaving them to die. It was cruel. They may be vehicles, but they're a livin' being too.

But I digress. I'd never do that to Roseanna. I make sure she gets proper care. And for a good, proper, working ship? That includes some good, proper work.

The asteroid we were docked in was one of my usuals- good bars, nice temp quarters, nice views of the rock's orbiting twin, and a spacious hanger for Rosie to rest in. The chasiss I had imprinted Roseanna to was a 40-meter light skipper, with some adjustments for handling deep space trips. It was pretty much the smallest thing you could actually use to live and work for long periods of time, but it got the job done. The angular design made the entire ship look like a wedge, or the blade of a bulky dagger. It didn't hurt that each bottom edge was fortified with a sharpened titanium blade, turning the entire sides of the ship into axe-like rams.

Those would probably come in handy today.

I approached Roseanna on the catwalk above her, marveling her alloyed scales. I could almost see her shudder in anticipation as my footsteps vibrated through the air above her. I took the steps down, and hit the trigger to open her top hatch.

When the news got out of the Navy scuffling with a rebelling mining station, an electric air raced across the station. Some went about their day as normal. Some resigned themselves to picking at the leftovers after the dust had settled. And some, like me, knew that they could get the finest pickings.

I strapped in to the pilot's seat like it was an old boot.

"Welcome, Captain Victoria."

Rosie could talk, but more often than not, she chose not to. But she understood me just fine. Most of our communication took place using her three prerecorded lines- her welcome statement, affirmative, and negative- as well as the tiny screen showing a small, emoticon face. Many pilots chose to give their ships an elaborate render, but Rosie preferred it this way. It was the first face I gave her, from somewhere out of the scrap heaps, and she refused any offer I made to upgrade. Secretly, I was overjoyed. To me, that was her face. That was her voice. And it was beautiful to see her true self through them.

I brushed my hands across her paneling. Across the switches, the hydraulic controls for the plasma fuel, the steering, the boosts, the comms channels. The thing with biologics was that you were still the pilot. For whatever reason, they hadn't quite gotten to the point where the brains could take over their own piloting. My personal opinion was just that their personalities lacked the ambition to. But whatever reason that was, the best pilots were still the ones that knew both their ship, and the ship's brain. And me and Rosie? We knew each other well.

As my fingers touched the brushed aluminum controls, rimmed with chitinous layers rooting them into the ship, I could feel the walls around me holding their invisible breath. "Do you know what we're doing today, Rosie?"

Her tiny panel flickered on. ...?

"We got a scrap run."

^_^

Her panel flicked between various expressions of excitement. My finger quivered on the main power, holding for a moment before flicking it on. The primary electronics of the ship hummed to life, and what Rosie controlled pulsed with it. My hands moved across the main functional panels- main hydraulic plasma valve, exhaust ports open, and finally, flicking the switch the start the plasma burner.

My hands gripped the steering. The hanger's airlock doors opened in front of me. My neck length hair started to float as the station's gravity shut off. I hit the switch to unlatch from the supports above. For a moment, we hang there. The dull crackle of the idling plasma burner is the only sound that resonates through Rosie's hull.

Go time.

I punch the boost.

#eroticism of the machine #robot girl #mecha girl #spaceship girl #the fuck do I even tag this LOL #yall gotta tag this and make sure it gets to the right spaces for me okay

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avaelangel · 5 months

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Jordan never was much of a sharer, but with Marie around they can't help but offer her whatever they are eating. Those two develop into a couple that casually swoops in to try each other's food rather quickly. But there's one thing Marie doesn't really like that much.

Protein bars.

Some of them taste like sand, some taste like chocolate, but also mostly sand. But Marie still takes a modest bite everytime Jordan offers. They know she doesn't like it, but out of determination want to find the flavor she likes.

It's a weird part time, but it's a nice distraction from everything serious in their lives. Marie catches on to it, but just goes along. Jordan's smile when she doesn't scrunch up her nose after a new bite is too sweet. They even roped Emma into it, because her favorite brand of protein bars is the same as theirs.

Marie ends up liking any protein thing with nuts and white chocolate (because it's sweeter and sand isn't as noticable). Jordan had two bars in their bag now. Third one goes in there in case Emma needs to get to human size again.

#look i know this is very specific #but i ate a bad protein bar and those three would benifit for calories in different ways ya now #gen v #jordan li #marie moreau #limoreau #emma meyer #emma and jordan being the only non-toxic sibling dynamic in each others lives #i am not ashamed anymore i know this is weird

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being-addie · 10 months

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Habits I've successfully developed since my first post🤍

If you've been here since the beginning, you'll know of my first and most popular post where I discuss developing certain habits to improve my life.

Here it is: https://www.tumblr.com/being-addie/714114582776610816/healthy-habits-im-developing-for-2023?source=share

So far, I've managed to do a lot and I'm so proud of myself. If you did some of them too, I'm really proud of you <3. It's difficult but we did it!

Here's what I managed to accomplish:

⭐Got my sleep schedule right: I FINALLY am sleeping 7-8 hours a night and it's so much better because I wake up at 5:30 am every morning and I'm more alert these days.

⭐Working out: Started going to the gym 5 days a week. I'm also looking into some hip-hop classes in the evenings.

⭐Water: I've tried drinking more water, and it's certainly working. I'm not perfect, but we're getting there!

⭐Digital detoxing: I did it. I successfully deleted social media and I'm so freaking proud of myself. It's 100% not easy and while I do get the occasional bursts of jealousy and FOMO, I'm getting better <3

⭐Creative work: I've started to learn how to crochet, and I'm planning on starting knitting soon. I also want to begin making my own jewellery (possibly try my hand at making clothes as well)

⭐Portfolio: I've begun work on my portfolio and I'm really excited with all the ideas I'm getting.

⭐Clean room: My room is so much cleaner now that I'm tidying up on a regular basis.

⭐Friendships: Currently in a really great place with two separate friend groups who value me, and I'm really grateful to past me for cutting out people I thought were my "friends".

Of course, I'm not perfect, I will be struggling with some things. I did particularly have problems with some of these:

💛My to-do list: More often than not, my to-do list lies incomplete because I just don't want to do it lol. Discipline is key, and I'm working on it.

💛Food: I've had to go out so much, and I've been consuming less-than-ideal healthy food. It's been difficult because I'm out so many hours due to classes that I literally need to buy those sugary protein bars to eat. 10 hours a day of nonstop commuting, sitting for 2-hour classes is no joke. We've also had a ton of birthdays and outings so I'm trying not to give into temptation and buy a bag of chips on a whim.

💛Self-care: I was so busy, I burned out, oof. I overworked myself to the point of a mental breakdown, and I'm still so busy, I'm finding it difficult to set aside time to even do my Everything Shower. I'm going to try and cut my day into manageable chunks so I can decompress.

Learning myself over the last few months has been interesting, to say the least. Paying attention to your mind and body's cues allows you to be more aware of what you're doing and WHY. Here's your sign to start implementing habits you've been sleeping on.

Don't wait, just start. xoxo

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lucysarah-c · 1 year

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Backfire

Warnings: mentions of sex, sexual life, sex talk, menstruation. This is basically a sex education class guys. Paring: Levi x reader. Words: 7025

Summary: Erwin insists that Levi should educate his squad on certain topics proper of their age. Levi isn't really convinced but Commander's orders are Commander's orders... however Erwin didn't specify on what he should educate his bratty cadets about. Levi and YN give a sexual education class. Levi x Reader stablished relationship.

@feelingsandemotionsnotexplored I know you requested for this a LONG time ago and I know you asked for Levi and Yn having separate chats with the cadets and also a Sexed class but honestly, I couldn't fit all in one oneshot so I tried my best. I've this is up to the request <3

Levi as a Captain had dealt with many obstacles as part of his job and life dedication. He had taken care of many cadets, rookies or whatever you pleased to call them but usually it was more of a distance treatment or occasional.

Levi was a captain and had his own squad, as we know, and all his members were hand picked by him. Usually those members were professionals and well trained soldiers with quite the years behind them already in the scouts, hardly the newbies made it to the team.

Dealing with teenagers as a vague responsibility that didn’t surpass calling them out if they let their still childish nature shine through by running on the corridors, cutting some occasional fights in the mess hall or training, scrolling them if they broke the curfew, etc.

The daily basis activity of looking after the newbies wasn’t his, training them wasn’t his, dealing with their still reckless and hormonal attitudes (proper of their age) wasn’t his either. Levi received and trained his team members when they were already adults. That was the main difference with his new team, in Levi's eyes (even if they were still quite capable as they had shown) they were kids, brats to be precise.

He was known for being a calm and cold headed person but his team had an amazing capability of driving his patience thin, really thin, sometimes. The captain forced himself to keep in mind that yes, they were soldiers indeed, but they were still teens. Teens with hormones, with mood swings, with bratty fights and even brattier ways of solving those fights.

Levi felt the necessity of sharing meals with them, usually he would have them with Y/N in his office but he knew that bonding with your team was an important part of developing loyalty and trust. He wondered, as those exhausted dog mothers whose cups follow her everywhere, if one day they would learn to have a meal quietly or at least in a lower voice.

They were messy eaters and even messier speakers; some of them with their mouths full and complaining if this one stole a bread that wasn’t theirs or that one is too close. He put pressure on the bridge of his nose and sighed loudly, wondering to himself if he recalled Isabel’s teen days so chaotic and exhausting. ‘She was a fucking handful sometimes, too… but it was only one,’

Added to that, a lot of scouts’ higher ups had suffered the consequences of the recent expeditions or sadly felt in battle. So the overwhelming number of newbies compared to superiors was another fact to keep in mind. His squad wasn’t only getting used to being under his command, that wasn’t any easy or laxed, but also as being part of the scouts.

The inner rules that differed from the training groups, the new activities, the lack of a clear resource of dependence as Shadis was. All that made that, even when they were not directly under Levi’s command, they reached out for him as some sort of power figure.

“Can we do that? Can I go there? Can I feed my horse that? Can we do that today in training? That superior said we should do that but should we? should we wait for you Captain? There’s no water to shower in my room. Jean took my blanked. Sasha ate my protein bars,”

Y/N that wasn’t in direct command of a squad because she had other responsibilities, reassuring him that they were going to grow fast, that it was a matter of a few months.

"They are still too wet behind the ears, gave them some time to adjust," To what she later on, after giving all the cadets a first aid class during expeditions, added “Most of them are orphans, you as a permanent adult figure make them cling to you stronger. Shadis had too many kids under his command, you’re the first closer thing to a guardian that they have in a really long time. It’s natural for them to want your attention, they are still very young,”

Levi felt somehow guilty that she had to endure a permanent venting about the topic. But with Erwin busy in the capital, Hange spending more and more time in the industrial city to develop new weapons and Mike gone, Y/N was the only one somehow around when she wasn’t at the capital with Erwin.

“Stop saying nonsense, how many times have you endured me venting about the useless highers in command from the military board? I don’t mind it, plus it’s somehow my work,” his longtime girlfriend replied before evolving her arms around his neck and giving him a quick kiss.

It was late, both were done with their showers and ready to go to bed. Night was deep in already, as the fire from the candle of the night stand shinned mellow. She had come back from another trip to the capital as her usual more administrative role in the scouts demanded her.

The usual tea leaves that she brought from Levi’s favourite tea shop wasn’t the only gift she brought with her. Much to Levi’s surprise, she had done his entire paperwork saying, while she showed to him the work done, “Now there’s no excuse for you to not come to bed with me, sir”

The squad section wasn’t just better on paperwork, she was actually faster than him. Levi took no shame in admitting that her better education and facility with works made her more capable than him in that department of their work. “I kick titan’s asses, you make sure that those assholes from the capital allow me to go out and kick titan’s asses. Teamwork,” he would say.

However, Y/N’s presence in the field recently made the teens extra fussy in Levi’s opinion. Not just his squad, the cadets in general. Especially since winter was around and colds weren’t missing. With the lack of a proper nurse, Y/N was taking over the responsibility.

The captain wondered if they, his own squad, realised he could hear them. The questions, the doubts, the assumptions. Sasha saying “I bet they fuck like 10 times per day,”. Mikasa concluded, “Doesn’t it fall if you use it too much?” and let's not even talk about the boys.

“They are fucking obsessed over you,” Levi mocked almost, slightly loud since he was in the attached bathroom shaving “That’s why I’m telling you to not believe every shit they say, they’re fucking desperate for your attention,”

Y/N shook her head slowly while chuckling in the sofa of the office “They are kids, they are probably just enjoying someone who treats them nicely,”

Levi clicked his tongue, annoyed “They’re 15, not 8 years old little brats. I know what was going on in my mind when I was fifteen,”

She smiled and looked at him “Oh yeah? what was going on in your mind?”

“You don’t want to know,” He replied as he grabbed her face from the back of the couch and forced her face up to plant a kiss on her lips.

It was random, the first time. Early in the morning when both were getting ready to afront the duties ahead when a few shy knocks echoed in the silence of dawn. They did a little exchange of looks, confused, and Levi raised a hand as a silent gesture of “I go, you stay here,” as if the abnormal situation could be dangerous.

Levi opened the oak door with confidence but precaution, trying to keep the inner space that the crack of the door could share as minimum as possible. Frowning as he lower his guard when he found a timid Sasha on the other side. The brunette was quiet, foreign nature for their.

“What do you need, brat?” Levi questioned.

“Hm…,” the teen hesitated,

“So?” the man insisted as he changed to rest his weight on the door frame.

“I-I was wondering if squad leader Y/N may come over to our room. Mikasa is not feeling well,” the girl said with a voice as thin as a thread and Levi got the message almost immediately.

Turning around and giving a look to his girlfriend that was done getting ready and quickly walked away with the teen.

If the message wasn’t clear enough, it was crystal clear that when Y/N made it through the chambers they shared it with the two girls behind her. Ashamed and quiet, not even doing eye contact that was weird for the other Ackerman. It was when Levi was done getting some stuff ready for the training and had already got breakfast, ready to start the training with his squad. The couple exchanged a brief glance.

Then the older female spoke up “The girls are going to help me with my chores today, I hope you don’t mind that I steal them for a day,” Even when both teens were taller than her, the squad leader had each arm around their figure as some sort of hug as she smiled a bit.

“Alright,” Levi didn’t question, it wouldn’t be the first time that their shared office would turn into a “girls’ talk” place and he somehow knew it wasn’t going to be the last one. The captain grabbed his jacket, put it on and walked out of the door. Leaving the place for the ladies.

Y/N followed his boyfriend across the room with her glaze, once the door was closed she turned once more to the teens. “I’m going to make you a chamomile tea, get comfortable,” She announced while smiling tenderly.

Coming back with a full kettle on and a tea set ready to go on a tray, only to find the two girls sat down awkwardly and looking back at her as lost puppies. Their big, shameful eyes said more than anything else.

Each had a teacup in front of them, Y/N took out some cookies that she had saved in the chambers that Sasha quickly accepted. Mikasa was less eager and offered to the raven girl a hot water bottle and a bed scarf around her shoulders.

“The painkillers should start to kick soon, the tea and the warmth will help,” She announced as trying to ease the mood “Don’t need to be shy, we are all women here,”

Both teens looked back at the door as if the Captain's presence was still somehow manifesting through it.

“Believe me girls, Levi is the last of your worries,” Y/N confessed while grabbing her cup, took a sip and kept going once her words didn’t seem to convince the others “Did you know? Levi kinda raised a girl when he was younger, before the scouts. He knows more than you think. Plus there’s nothing shameful in this, boys may freak out a little bit but men take it for what it is, a normal process in our body,”

That finally made the girls relax, somehow.

“Is it… normal to hurt so much?” Mikasa spoke up, not even looking up. Far from her usual confident nature, she appeared so confused “I usually get headaches but…”

“Oh I had the worst periods when I was a teen, your body is dealing with a lot more than just this. Your hormones are all over the place and your body is doing what it can,” Y/N shared a bit of her knowledge “Is it your first?”

The raven girl shook her head, while Sasha devoured the cookies.

“Shouldn’t I be training?” the brunette asked with her mouth full.

“I thought this could be a good time to bond, to share some wisdom,” the squad leader said while trying to appear friendly and accessible. “I’m not sure how your upgrowing was, but mine was…” she chuckled in the middle “kinda the handful for this topic. I wished someone would have been more open to me,”

“You’re from Sheena’s wall,” Sasha said between a question and an affirmation.

“Indeed. It’s the accent, isn’t it?” Y/N replied friendly “Don’t worry, Levi makes fun of it all the time. Not just him, everyone, including Erwin.”

Sasha appeared ashamed of what the leader added “I don’t mind it, I actually like it. It’s part of who I’m, own your uniqueness and nobody will be able to use it against you,”

That somehow cheered the brunette as the older raised the tea cup as if it was a drink for a cheer and then drinked, that made both younger girls chuckle.

“How was growing up there?” Mikasa questioned curiosity as her sweet tooth started showing on while she grabbed more snacks.

Y/N sighed tiredly before summarying “Traditional and orthodox, strict. I was really naive, I was lucky that Levi was patient with me, otherwise my life would be different. So, I’m here to make sure you don’t have to find stuff across the way as I did,”

“Is it true that you can’t get pregnant if you do it while you’re on your days?” Sasha was quick to shout the question, way bolder than the other teen. "Growing in a farm truly helps to lose the fear," the older thought while watching the other girl dying from inside.

Y/N chuckled a bit before replying “It’s less possible but not safe. The only safe option and it still has some probability of failure, even when it’s really low, it’s condoms,”

The winter brought not only heavy snow and rain, forcing some exterior activities to be cancelled. Usually, Levi tried to force some sort of training anyways but when the weather was way too much even he had to settle for indoor activities like go over protocols in case of an emergency, the formation for expeditions, among others.

The facilities were feeling crowded with all the new cadets around and, much to Levi’s disapproval, the floors were messier than usual when it seemed that keeping the mud from the rain outside the building was too much to ask.

“Oi, Erwin, give me permission for a full cleaning session today. The place is shittier than a toilet after someone with diarrhoea,” Levi, who was told Erwin was looking for him, said while coming inside the commander’s office.

“Maybe tomorrow, I’ve some tasks for you and Y/N today,” Erwin calmly said while still focusing his attention on the paperwork on top of his desk.

Levi clicked his tongue and sat down at the desk chair on the opposite side of Erwin’s, arms resting on the back and one leg resting on top of the other. He had the uniform on but not the harness since they were not going to be doing 3dmg practises. “So, what do you want?”

“I’d been thinking that each squad leader could have a talk with the cadets, the barracks are going crazy with so many teenagers together,”

“Why her? She’s not part of my squad?”

“So you get the point across, if you know what I mean, and her to make sure you don’t traumatise the poor kids?”

“Why don’t you do it if you’re so concerned?” Levi insisted, the idea felt unpleasant.

The loud tired sight from the blond echoed and then the tired glance filled the space between the two male superiors.

“Because my days of giving classes to the cadets have been long gone,”

“I thought you wanted to feel relatable to them,” Levi brought up a sort of middle life crisis that the Commander had had a few weeks ago.

The Commander just grabbed a pile of papers, handle them to the Captain and concluded “just do what I tell you,”

Each of them, all six members of Levi’s squad, sat down spread in the empty classroom. It felt absurdly big for the amount of people inside the room. The auditorium lecture classroom created the perfect environment for “Formation lectures” but the six teenagers sat down around, trying to look casual by not being one next to the other.

The green board behind the main desk on the front part of the room. Y/N sat down on top of it, waiting patiently.

“Squad leader?” Arming shyly raised a hand, claiming attention “What are-”

“We are waiting for Captain Levi so we can start a little explanation,” She quickly replied.

Grave silence, until the door squealed under the pressure of him pushing it open. Levi took confident large steps until being in front of the desk, left a box there and then rested his weight against it. One leg on top of the other and then crossed arms. Dead expression as grey eyes checked on each member of his own squad.

“how do we do this?” She wondered from his left “I start?”

Levi nodded, giving up the floor for her to take.

“Well, you see,” her confidence wasn’t the one she hoped for but she tried anyways “You find yourself at a certain age where you start to feel and experience new sensations which may lead you to have feelings for someone else and then-”

“Oh, so we are doing this Sheena’s wall style, got it,” Levi commented casually making her stop immediately to dedicated him her best ‘what are you implying’ look “Basically the church of the walls says that if any of you fuck before getting married you all are going to burn in the flames of hell, congratulations,”

“Levi!”

“What?” He wondered unfaced.

The cadets remained quiet, unsure what's going on but fearing the worst out of this class.

“Fuck this,” Levi complained opening a drawer of the professor’s desk and took a piece of white chalk “We are doing this my style,”

Covering her face with her hands while sighting loudly “Oh god, here we go” she murmured.

“Alright brats, listen up” Levi’s deep voice loud enough to make sure everybody would listen without forcing his voice “You are at that age that you” he turned around to point generally with the chalk between his fingers to Jean’s direction and then go back to write on the greenboard ”are hard 24/7 and any hole is a good hole. And you” once again turning around to the only two girls of his squad on the right of the classroom ”at the age that sticking things up seems like a good idea. So the rules are easy,”

His pale hands moved hastily on the board as he wrote, YN decided to abandon the safety of her place on top of the desk. She also searched for another piece of chalk but this time with any colour, only two small pieces of a pink one and a yellow one. She erased Levi’s writing a bit to add it once again but with colour, dots with numbers and highlighting words by adding a small underline. He had taken the lead and she simply accepted, only adding to his explanation.

Once done, Levi faced his squad that were in grave silence and looking horrified. Pointing at the stated information on the board with his knuckles “Rule 1, you wrapped.” Moved to the other pink coloured dot “Rule 2 the only possible answer to the question "you want my dick?" is a yes, all the other ones are wrong"

Pointing to the other list under the second dot, where Y/N was adding little arrows to create a sub list “If the other person replies a no, it's a no. If it's a maybe, it’s a no. If the person is drunk, it is a no. If the person is drugged, it's a no. If the person is fucking unconscious, its a fucking no. Understood?”

Silence, the colours kept draining from the teens on the seats who were curling as if they could hide under the desks. Y/N stood patiently on the side of the board, waiting for the following decision of the Captain.

“Understood?” Levi repeated, demanding.

“Y-yeah” They replied as one.

“The captain of the special operation squad was losing no time and was going straight to the point, almost painfully blunt about the information. His stylish and clean handwriting shining in the green board as he insisted on keeping information organised and tidy. Once again his knuckles making the sound of the small knocks against the surface echoed in the room.

"Rule 1; the church of the walls says its illegal and it is but we don't give a fuck, condoms had been sold illegally for generations and won’t stop now.” Levi moved to grab a broom that was peacefully resting on the corner of the room and dragged him to the centre. He opened up the box he brought with himself and took off a shiny almost metallic square package.

The poor six teens that were in the grades started to look away ashamed, red cheeks shining bright as they squirmed uncomfortable in their place. The guys crossing legs one over the other.

“Why do we have to listen to this bullshit?” Jean murmured to Connie next to him, making Levi raise his attention back at the two boys quickly. Shocked open eyes trying to escape the hawk preying eyes of their squad leader.

“Oi, Jean if you’re so fucking smart and know it all why don’t you come down here and do it yourself?”

Silence and then stuttered apologies and excuses, combined with chuckles from Sasha and Eren entertained that one of their companions was put under the spotlight.

“If you know shit, then shut up and pay attention. That goes for all of you,” his deep voice commanded, forcing the boys to be extra focused, the girls seemed less interested “Oi, you two too,”

Mikasa who was braver to reply to her squad leader commented “isn’t this a boy’s thing?”

Levi, who wasn’t a person to hold back on his comebacks quickly replied “If you’re expecting men to be the only ones in charge of contraceptives you’ll end up knocked up sooner than we retaking wall Maria,”

Y/N placed a hand on her boyfriend's shoulder, trying to slow him down on the bluntness. Smiled tenderly to the teens who seemed terrified “What WE are trying to say is that there’s no such thing as boys or girls knowledge. Think of this as important information to face this upcoming new chapter of your life, knowing as much as possible from both sides will make the experiences more enjoyable and, importantly, safe. Remember, there’s no such thing as stupid questions,”

The emphasis on the ‘we’ and the strong squeeze on his shoulder gave him enough clue to slow down. Her sweet calming, almost maternal tone made him sight. ‘This is what Erwin was talking about,’ he thought. ‘Not my fault,’ he thought, information in the underground was there for you to take since you were a kid and nobody had any holdbacks about it.

A clear of his throat to resume his previous intentions. Package between his fingers, broom resting against the desk and the explanation started “You upon up, fingers no teeth you may break it and there goes all the purpose of it.” He took it off, and she raised the bin close enough for him to throw the wrapping there.

“Thanks,” he murmured when he realised that she was holding it for him, she smiled back. The complicity didn’t go unnoticed by the other people in the room.

“You make sure it is right side up, you pinch the tip,” Levi kept going step by step as he grabbed the top part of the broom’s stick “And you rolled down until the end. Easy, when you take it off, make sure the dude is still hard and that it doesn’t spill. The you tied it up and throw it,”

“Any questions?” Her interrogation pierced the room as the teens shook their heads as if replying out was too much to ask “As we say it’s important that you’ve this information because maybe the person you decide to have sexual activities with may not know or even for your own protection. Remember prioritising your own health is always important and valid,”

Connie raised a hand, making both adults quickly turn to the left side of the room patiently waiting “Yes?” her voice echoed.

His hand lowered down “... so we put a condom on a broomstick and we won’t have babies?”

Her sweet smile slowly turned into a forced one as she tried to remain unfaced, Levi, however, raised a hand to his features in disbelief.

“And you said that there’s no such thing as stupid questions?” Levi whispered just for the two of them to know.

“No, on your dick when it gets hard. No in the night stand, no under the pillow, no on the broom, on a cucumber or banana. On your dick, it goes on your dick, brat” Levi insisted, making Sasha and Jean laugh loudly and Armin just chuckled next to Eren in the centre. Meanwhile Mikasa remained stoic but with a soft blush around her features trying her hardest to not make eye contact with Eren who was looking extremely concerned in the middle of the room.

Another hand softly raised in the centre this time, quieter than the previous one. The blond boy with big round eyes waited silently.

“Yes?” “May I ask why you pinch it?” Armin politely inquired.

“On the tip goes your cum, if it has air it leaks” Levi quickly resolved all the doubts “Next question?”

“Isn’t it uncomfortable to have something on while you’re doing it?” Jean didn’t raise a hand and straight up went for it.

“If you think that having your dick covered is too uncomfortable to handle imagine pushing out a fucking baby,” their captain replied to then ask them back “Do any of you know why you have to wrapped?”

Silence, Arming raised a hand.

“Just reply, Arlet”

“To prevent a pregnancy?”

“Yeah and what else?”

To this new question, there were no volunteers.

“Do any of you know what’s worst than a fucking brat?” Levi inquired again, no answers so he continued “A sexually transmitted illness. Getting a chick knocked up can be solve, an STI is for life,”

"... babies can be solved?" Mikasa wondered in disbelief.

“It’s called an abortion, kiddo”

The captain moved to grab the box that was quietly resting on the top of the professor’s desk and then casually moved to the desks. All of them, the teens, quietly and ashamed as he gave each one two condoms.

“So don’t be stupid, wrapped. Girls, if a dude says “iT IS ToO BiG”” Levi mocked the expression without intentions to sound respectable to those who used that excuse “it never is and usually it’s the opposite, kick him in the balls and leave. Believe me, it's never worth it.”

Then they moved to another section, she decided to take the lead to start explaining how puberty can affect them differently and at some point they reached menstruation cycles. Most of the members of the squad were boys who were putting disgusting faces to the idea and the explanation. The squad leader who was trying her best to make the explanation as enjoyable and inclusive as possible felt the amount of shame that the only two girls were facing.

“Oi, cut it” Levi interrupted to call out the boys without any restrictions “If you like a woman to keep your cocks warm and wet, you also have to like it when it’s on the rags. Or you like it all or you don’t like it, man up and deal with it”

“This is a nightmare,” Eren commented to the blond next to him as if this couldn’t get any worse.

“You could be having this conversation with Squad Leader Hange,” Y/N turned around to do eye contact with the titan boy, raising her eyebrows to his dead expression “Yeah, that’s what I thought,”

When the main explanations were over, both adults decided to go for a round of general questions, to ease out any curiosity the younger ones could have. There was an awkward silence until.

“Is it… normal that you have dreams” Armin wondered, breaking the quietness finally.

“Yes! Of course, it could be about someone you like or maybe even someone you don’t even know. Everybody has them, even adults,” The female squad leader replied optimistically to finally start the discussion.

“What if I don’t want them?” Eren did his first real intervention, unsure.

“Jerk off, usually you cum while you sleep because it's a necessity to your body. With dreams or without them,” Levi didn’t hold back and this created a whole new debate.

“I heard that bad and we shouldn’t do it,” Eren quickly commented confused and concerned that his captain would recommend something like that,

“I heard that if you do it too much you can end up blind,” Connie added, confusing the brunette even further.

“You’re an idiot” Jean confidently called out as if he knew any better the other boy only to reply “How could that affect your sight? It falls off, that’s what happened”

All the guys jumped to defend their respective information until Levi’s quiet voice put an end on it “You’re all wrong. Yes, it's alright to do it but privately and clean after you get it done. It’s important the fucking part of privately, I’m tired of walking in the barracks and see you doing it under the blankets as if I wouldn’t notice.”

Eren pushed Jean to a side bothering him as Connie laughed loudly, recalling when that happened. The other kid was melting on the spot as the girls put disgusting faces.

“No, it won’t fall off. No, you won’t end up blind. The worst thing that could happen is that you hurt the skin for doing it too much,”

“Ew Jean! I’m never letting you touch me again!” Sasha quickly shouted out and Mikasa shook her head trying to erase the mental picture.

“It’s actually really normal, it’s good for your health and to feel comfortable with your own body,” Y/n tried to calm down the sort of locker room talk that was deviate from educational to judgmental extremely quickly “Despite what the church of the walls or anything could talk about virginity or anything about it, its extremely natural that girls feel aroused and want to masturbate too. Maybe it doesn’t come as natural to us because our anatomy is a bit harder to understand or because of the tabú around it but it's perfectly alright,”

Despite her way softer approach to it, both of them seemed far from convinced.

“How do women touch themselves?” Connie, who lost any awkwardness shut up quickly.

“They stick stuff in their hole,” Jean replied.

“But if they open that hole, how do they not piss themselves?”

“That’s because they hold it in, idiot. That’s why when they feel good, they can’t hold it and they get wet” Jean once again showed off as if he had any idea on how it worked.

“I don’t want to be pissed on when I sleep with someone,” Eren murmured.

Levi at this state was drawing his eyebrows even deeper together, confused on how they could arrive at this conclusion. YN was trying her hardest not to chuckle to their creativity.

“Those are different holes,” Levi’s voice pierced through the conversation with the actual knowledge “One for the piss, the vagina and the asshole. None of those are the same one,”

“Why do women have so many holes?” Armin murmured confused.

“So where do I put it?” Jean questioned, overwhelmed by the idea of it being way more complicated than he imagined.

“Easy, the first one it’s almost unnoticeable and it doesn’t fit there. The one where it actually goes in and the asshole is too far away. It’s not rocket science or let her guide if you have no fucking idea,”

“So when they bleed it’s not the same one they piss with?” Eren wondered about going back to a previous topic.

“No,”

Silence as they processed the information.

“I always thought they pissed blood,” Connie commented to Jean who nodded in agreement.

Sasha raised her hand confidently and rushed as she smiled bright. Both adults looked at her direction, silently asking her to start talking.

“Captain Levi, can you tell Jean how to stop getting hard during practises,” The girl questioned obviously with the intention to put her friend in the awkward position. The ash blond opened his mouth in disbelief and looked back at the girl in shock.

“Why would you tell him that?!”

The other boys laughed loudly as they obviously remembered those moments. Mikasa chuckled, making the poor boy even more ashamed.

Jean, who wasn’t taking the situation easily, decided to deviate the center of the attention to someone else “Well in that case, Captain why don’t you tell Eren where do guys fuck because he was wondering the other day,”

“No, I didn’t!” Eren screamed from the top of his lungs, quickly shifting from entertained to furious.

Suddenly the room was filled up with screams and complaints, calls out and laughs. It was overwhelmingly loud, echoing in the walls and making it harder to concentrate. Levi already felt a headache coming.

“Guys, guys. Calm down!” Y/n tried her best to go back to the sort of civilised debate.

However one personal question developed into a whole childish fight of “he said, she said, i did, you did”; it got louder at any passing minute. The Captain remained quietly as he dedicated tired death eyes, waiting for them to catch the clue and drop it.

Armin was the first one, tapping Eren’s shoulder and so it followed. All of them were terrified of unleashing Humanity's strongest soldier. The place was quiet once more.

“I think it will be better if questions are anonymous from now on,” The squad leader murmured, turning around to grab a pile of papers and cut them into small pieces with a ruler “I’ll give all of you a couple of papers with a pencil so you can ask all the questions you please. This way we won’t know who did the question and neither will your classmates. Don’t be shy, your question could be the question of someone else.”

“As if we didn’t know their handwriting” Levi murmured, feeling the pedagogical practices of his girlfriend pointless. He contorted in pain as she pitched his right side, shutting him up and making him frown deeper.

She moved closer to them to distribute the papers with a pencil for each when Connie raised his hand again. Both adults were confused this time that he wasn’t waiting to write down the question.

“Yeah?” Levi from the front insisted.

"Don't women feel empty? like... don't they feel they are missing something with the open hole?"

This time even the captain was perplexed as if the question was even unthinkable in his brain. His usual deadpan expression changed to a plain confusion one.

"... do you feel your ass empty?" Levi questioned back, referring to another part of the anatomy.

"No.."

"There you go, brains are nice use them for fucks sake"

Once she was returning to her position at the front, Levi stood up to walk away.

“Where are you going?” Her panic was almost palpable under the imminent fear of being left alone to deal with it on her own.

“I’m making myself a linden tea, because I’ll fucking need it,”

She didn’t reply right away but yet added as he was about to cross the room’s door “Make it two!”

Back to the beginning, both of them were at the front desk. She sat down on top of it, cup of tea resting peacefully in the space between her legs and Levi restin his weight against the corner. Tea on his hand as she shock a bit the box that had been empty since Levi had shared the content and now was filled up with the written pieces of papers.

Her hand reached out for one as if this was the lottery and then read out loud.

“What do I do if I get excited while looking at a girl that I like? What if other people notice it?”

Levi sighed loudly understanding that it was probably his place to answer that one “It’s normal, everybody gets hard. Male anatomy works like that, too much friction while using the 3DMG, a girl you want to fuck, anything. You could think of something you dislike like… I don’t know your grandmother getting fucked or tug it under the belt until it goes away,”

A quiet sip to his tea as Eren murmured “Is it really that normal?”

“Yeah, brat, don’t overthink it. Everybody gets them. Better that it gets up than it doesn’t, think of it like that.” Levi insisted.

“Even you?” If there was something that the captain despite even more than dirtiness was sharing personal information, he had to gather all his mental peace to allow himself to be slightly more vulnerable “Even me,”

Once the question felt completed, she extended the box for him to pick up a question.

“The medical service asked me if I have done it already, I felt ashamed and I said that I’ve not. Nobody else seemed to have done it, what if they think I’m dirty?” Levi's monotone voice read out loud and it felt absurd to hear those concerns coming out of him.

“It’s perfectly normal to feel judged or overwhelmed but think of this as a natural process our body goes through. Almost everybody experiences this soon or late, it’s not a race. The medical service wonders because they are concerned about your health, nothing else. No judgement. Plus, almost all adults have sex,” She replied calmly and tenderly, trying to create a safe environment.

“Even you?” Jean was quick to shoot that question. Making Levi frown, doubting the innocence behind that question.

“Mh, yes even me”

“How many times do you do it?” Connie insisted with no social filter at all, making her grimace conflicted.

“Oi, you’re crossing a fucking line,” Levi interrupted.

“Ehm, let's go back to the questions,” She tried her best to switch the topic as she grabbed another paper “What do I do if a boy that I like doesn’t like me back?”

Y/N took a sip of her tea to clear up her throat, straighten her back and replied “It's important that you understand that a person not liking you back doesn't mean anything bad about you, your persona or your body. As you like that person, that person may like someone else or nobody and that's perfectly alright. It's important that you understand that forcing this person to like you back it's not ok but also it doesn't define you. Alright?”

"... That and maybe the brat likes dicks as much as you, it's always a possibility" Levi added before reaching out for another question.

“Does it hurt the first time?” Levi read outloud unfaced “Maybe, probably you’re nervous and then you’re tight so it hurts a bit. It shouldn’t hurt too much, if it does tell the other person and talk that shit out”

“Yes, indeed. It’s important that you feel ready but even if you’re ready, it’s normal that you feel nervous and therefore it may hurt. It’s important, guys, that you’re patiently” Y/N added as the female opinion on the matter.

“Did your first time hurt?” Sasha wondered.

Y/n blushed slightly doing a quick eye contact with the Captain “Ehm… A bit, I was a bit nervous but it was enjoyable,” She knew they knew that they were together.

“Was it with the captain? What if I don’t stay with the guy that I’ve my first time with? Will other guys like me later?” Sasha shut one question after the other.

“Well, yes it was with him. But you shouldn’t be scared of that, how many partners you have before shouldn’t matter” Y/N tried her best to draw a line between teaching and personal information.

“That doesn’t count, he’s short that’s why it didn’t hurt '' Mikasa's clear ongoing bad blood with her captain show off, making Levi slightly chock on his tea.

They all chuckled and Levi frowned deeply.

The captain’s girlfriend decided to take the lead and not allow the dragging of his partner “It will surprise you. I quickly learned to not judge a book by its cover,” She casually commented making even Levi turn around surprised “I can only say that all my friends were really jealous of me,”

“Enough of this” He reached for another question to read “Does it grow? How can I make it bigger? Yes it may grow as you keep getting older or not. It doesn’t matter that much at the end, there are plenty of more shit to do than just putting in and out your dick a couple of times,”

“Like what?” Jean inquired.

Levi quickly checked the clock of the room, they didn’t have much time left and it made him smirk “Like fingering, eating out. Some people are into other shit like tie up your partner, toys, public places. Some people are more turned on by uniforms, like the rich women on the captain that would donate only to get fucked up by Erwin with the uniform on,”

Their young faces were covered in complete shock. Lips parted to talk and ask the first question but they couldn’t formulate it. Time up, the class was over. Levi left the tea cup on the desk before closing up this extremely uncomfortable situation they all went through “Just do what we taught you and enjoy. We are all someone’s else weird kink, if you don’t believe me half of the donations we get are from bored rich women who have money to spare,”

“Erwin is going to kill you,” Y/N whispered as they walked away only to hear the cadets revolt in the classroom they left behind. Nothing good could come out of that.

“He should have come and give the class himself,”

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forestshadow-wolf · 10 months

Text

Headcanon time!!! [I'm actually projecting!!!]

Everyones' got their gimmick for dealing with stress and anger. Ghost hit the gym, gaz found someone to talk to, price did.. god knows what with nik, and soap...

Soap didn't really know. Not anymore anyway. Not after being told "you can't keep running from all your problems" time after time. He'd trained it out of himself long ago, forced himself to learn how to root himself to one spot.

He supposed he could consider filling page after page of his journal could be considered an outlet. But it just never worked the same. Or at all. Only serving to let him stew in his own thoughts. Allowed all that reckless energy bleed into sleepless night instead of mile of track.

He's tried talking. His parents tried to get him to talk through his feelings. But it never felt right to him. It made him clam up. He had to force words through his teeth, and it made tears of frustration spring to his eyes, which only served to make him madder.

One small tick in a nice moment could set him on edge for days. And it's not like he didn't know it was irrational. He did his best to tamp it down, and put on the happy smile. And for the most part it worked... for the most part. On the days it didn't he'd seclude himself to more solitary tasks, actively avoid as many people as possible to avoid snapping at some poor undeserving soul.

Sometimes when they came back to base after an unsuccessful mission that left everyone exhausted and frustrated, they'd all spit up. He knew ghost would likely be found in the gym, but he also knew ghost like his own time to work off his anger. Gaz would be hangout with price in his office or commandeering some other poor sod. If price wasn't with gaz he was probably with nik, doing stuff soap didn't even want to think about.

Instead soap usually locked himself in his room for the rest of the day, foregoing meals if it was being served, in favor of nibbling on protein bars (not that he had much of an appetite usually). One time he actually had run off. He'd been exceptionally mad that time (about what? He can't remember) but he'd purposely left his devices in his room, and ghost had had to find him for either a debrief or a meeting on an upcoming mission. Sure it helped a hell of a lot more that sitting in his room did, but delaying a meeting for two and a half hours was a hell of a lot more inconvenient for everyone else. So instead he sat and he drew and he stewed.

Ghost has definitely caught onto soap's behavior. It worries him. He knows what it's like to not have an outlet, for years he himself didn't have one, and it's not healthy.

On one of the days where soap makes himself scarce ghost seeks him out. Finds him doing the boringest of jobs- restocking empty mags, counting inventory- he can tell its not helping. He drags soap out, takes him to the gym with him, sets him to work. Soap is drawn to the treadmills, hops on, starts it up. But it isn't the same. And ghost can see that even that's not working.

It takes more than a few of those days to figure out what soap really needs- for ghost and soap. It's not just the working or the movement or the release of energy. It's everything and it's the changes in scenery and terrain. It works his mind and his muscles and gets him fresh air. It gets him away.

Eventually, with ghost's help, he learns to deal with is stress. It's not uncommon to see him lapping the track, or unning the obstacle course. On certain bad days ghost will take him out to the wooded area, they'll run trails through it, he developed a habit for climbing the trees oddly enough (or maybe it's not so odd seeing as how ghost found him up a tree that first time). He still leaves his devices in his room, which is why ghost follows... and to keep him company, he doesn't mind the workout either. And soap seems to enjoy his presence

This got way out of hand and went in a different direction that I thought it would??

#el rambles #john soap mactavish #simon ghost riley #call of duty #cod mw2 #cod #ghostsoap #soapghost #tf 141 #task force 141

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differenteagletragedy · 1 month

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if you're up to it could you write that camping HC you had with derek 🥺

Derek was always prepared -- it was one of his many, many charm points. If he hadn't dedicated all of his free time as a child to being sports, he would have made an excellent boy scout. In his home, he had multiple fire extinguishers and first aid kits, and kept a small stock of protein bars and water bottles in his car, just in case. He was the definition of dependable.

That's precisely why he was beating himself up so much for forgetting to triple check the weather forecast before your camping trip.

It was supposed to be a nice little getaway for the two of you. You'd planned on flying back home over the summer to visit him, but the plans fell through at the last minute, and this was the rescheduled trip. It was fall now, and in Prism Vista it was still warm and comfortable, but out here on the mountain, with the sun tucking itself behind the horizon, things were getting chilly.

"It's fine," you told him after you both came into the tent after a quick dinner by the fire. "It's not even that cold, really."

"Is that why you're shivering?" he asked, trying to mask his disappointment in himself with a teasing smirk.

After a pause, you came up with the brilliant retort of "Shut up, you're shivering."

"You're clearly sh--"

"Your mom's shivering, Derek, get off my back."

Derek laughed freely, feeling a little bit of tension leave his shoulders. If you were willing to joke around with him, maybe you weren't mad that he'd been so thoughtless to miss the cold spell you now had to deal with overnight.

He had feelings for you -- well, they were more than feelings at this point, as the decade-long crush had long since developed into a deep aching love -- but he was keeping them to himself until the moment felt right, if it ever did. Until then, your friendship was certainly enough for him.

He told himself that as he turned his back so that you could both change into your pajamas with the semblance of privacy in the cozy tent, trying not to picture what was happening behind him as he heard the soft sounds of your clothes slipping off your body.

When you told him you were done changing, he turned, ready to hit you with a brilliant smile, but his mouth turned downwards into a frown when he saw that you were wearing shorts and a tank top.

"It's all I brought," you told him, correctly interpreting the look he was giving you. "It's no big deal, it's just one night, right? And the sleeping bag will be plenty cozy."

To drive your point home, you unzipped your bag and climbed in. You put on a show for him, snuggling down, zipping yourself in as much as you could and then burrowing down and letting out a content sigh.

"See?" you said. "Snug as a bug in a rug."

He shook his head, but the little act did bring his smile back. He got into his own sleeping bag, placed just a few feet away from yours, and turned to face you.

"But you'll tell me if you get too cold, right?"

"What would you do if I did?"

He didn't know how to answer that, and while he thought, you smiled and reached over to turn off the lantern he'd brought into the tent with you.

"Goodnight, Derek," you told him.

"Goodnight."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Some time had passed -- Derek wasn't sure how much, but he thought he'd dozed off once or twice. He was disoriented, but a strange noise jolted him awake. He sat up partially, darting his eyes around, using the dim moonlight to try to see what was making the sound.

As he became more aware, he realized that the sound was coming from you. He squinted and leaned closer, and he felt a pang of guilt when he realized that the noise he was hearing was your teeth chattering together.

"Hey," he said softly. "You awake?"

"No, I'm dead," you replied, your voice a little jerky because of the shivering. "I died of hyperthermia and you are now speaking to my ghost."

"Actually it's hypothermia," he corrected softly, wiping the sleep out of his eyes.

"It's good you know, alert the coroner."

He laughed, then sighed. He felt guilty for not being prepared for the cold, for bringing you on the trip at all when there was the possibility of it being this cold, and then he felt guilty that his guilt was at the forefront of his mind instead of a solution for the problem. He weighed his options in his head, trying to figure out what would be best, when you made a new sound, a sort of moaning sputter accompanied by a somewhat violent shake.

"All right, come here."

He sat up all the way and unzipped his sleeping bag, his mind made up.

"Huh?" you asked.

"Get in here with me," he said, thankful that it was too dark for you to see what he knew would be a deep blush on his cheeks. "I think my bag is a little warmer, and I'm not cold."

"Would be sort of a tight fit, don't you think?"

Derek was used to making himself small, to shove aside his wants and needs to fit into the perfect mold he'd made up of himself -- he wanted you, desperately, but he'd never be so forward as to get you in such close quarters like this. But as much as he'd trained himself to keep away from what he wanted, being a gentleman was more important. And it wouldn't be very gentlemanly to let you freeze to death on a mountain.

So he reached over, his eyes having adjusted to the dark enough to make out your sleeping bag. He grabbed the side of it with both hands and scooted the whole thing close to him, then unzipped it.

"Come on," he told you quietly, backing up against the side of his bag as far as he could and holding it open for you to climb in. He thought he saw you hesitate for just a moment, but then you were moving. He felt your legs knock against his as you situated yourself down beside him.

You were close -- close enough that different parts of your bodies were touching and your smell was invading his senses. He gulped, but halfway through he realized that would be kind of an obvious gesture, so he turned it into a cough, which honestly did end up much better.

"You all right?" you asked.

At this distance, you were close enough that he could see your expression. It was smug, but there was a shy tenderness underneath it.

"I'm gonna zip us in," he said, ignoring you, even as you laughed.

He reached over you, trying politely not to touch you, but it was a tight fit. As he struggled to get the zipper pulled up, you kept sliding closer to him to make the job easier. By the time he was done, your legs were tangled together and your chest was pressed lightly against his. He did notice that you had pulled your hips back when he was done with the zipper, and he couldn't tell if he was grateful or disappointed not to have that closeness too.

"Well, this is cozy," you said, just above a whisper. He felt your breath, hot on his face, and hummed in agreement.

He felt your arm, which had been firmly placed on your side, move, then stop. He cocked an eyebrow at you.

"I mean ... is it ok?" you asked.

"Is what ok?"

"If we, you know ... cuddle. Just for tonight." When he didn't answer straight away, you added, "It's cold."

"Yeah," he said finally. "Of course. That's fine."

Derek tried to keep his breathing steady as you used jerky little movements to slide even closer next to him. He could feel the hesitation, but eventually you ended up with your leg nestled between his, your arms wrapped around each other and your head tucked under his chin. He slid his hands over your bare arms, feeling the goosebumps there that he was sure was because of the temperature and not because you could possibly be as excited as he was to be this close to you.

"Can you sleep like this?" you asked, and he almost whimpered at the feeling of your lips moving lightly against his neck as you spoke.

"Sure, yeah," he answered. "I was just about to doze off."

He didn't like to lie to you, not at all. But sometimes, every once in a while, it was easier that way. Derek knew, as he felt you adjust your leg between his thighs, that sleep wouldn't come easy.

#our life beginnings and always #derek suarez #derek x reader #derek x you #derek x mc #derek suarez x you #derek suarez x reader #derek suarez x mc #our life derek #olba derek #derek suarez appreciation club

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runningquill-art · 2 years

Text

Beltane

“I’ll make us some goblets,” said Granger, plucking protein bar wrappers from Draco’s lap.

“So proper,” said Draco. His mother might actually like Granger.

“This wine has been heated by the flame of Cerridwen. We aren’t sucking it out of a flask like sixteen year olds behind The Hog’s Head.”

Granger Transfigured the wrappers into handsome golden goblets.

Draco would’ve informed her that she was quite the mistress of Transfiguration herself, but he didn’t want her to develop an inflated ego. She nevertheless caught the way he tested the weight of the goblets. She smiled into her scarf.

“Nice sheen on the gold,” he admitted.

“A pretty illusion,” said Granger, looking pleased. “But thank you.” She paused and hesitated before adding, “I heard you’ve an interest in Alchemy, so your approval means more than the average wizard’s.”

“My approval should mean more than the average wizard’s in all things,” said Draco, studying the goblet in the firelight.

Granger raised her eyes to the night sky." - Draco Malfoy and the Mortifying Ordeal of Being in Love, Chapter 10: The Orkney Isles, by @isthisselfcare

#dramione #draco malfoy #hermione granger #draco x hermione #harry potter #illustration #my art #digital art #fanart #digital drawing #dmatmoobil #draco malfoy and the mortifying ordeal of being in love #isthisselfcare #dmhg #dhr #draco malfoy x hermione granger #hp fanart

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myth-of-light · 3 months

Note

Sorry to bother you a second time with an ask(none of my friends know kid Icarus so I got no one to talk to about)

But when hades pokes fun at pits inability to fly palutena states “his wings just don’t work right”

I googled “wing deformities” and the first thing that came up was angel wing, a deformity where rapid wing development causes the wing to outgrow proper bone support, causing the wing to bend out at an unnatural angle and a permanent inability to fly

And what’s it caused by?

An unhealthy diet of rich protein and carbohydrates.

And we know pit loves food. Specifically things like sweets and fast food, based on his distaste for veggies as stated in Palutenas Revolting Dinner

I rest my case

Well apologies, but I am going to challenge your case! A year late! (I am always happy to receive ask dw)

And if anyone notices mistakes below please comment! espically with formatting.

Angel Wing Syndrome

Angel Wing Syndrome is a deformity that effects aquatic birds, such as ducks and geese. Angels, like Pit, are typically inspired by the Dove and other birds that are typically non-aquatic birds. But let's say Pit is a swan or something, this still doesn't fit.

Angel Wing Syndrome also limits or completely restricts a bird from flying, which isn't the case for Pit, he can flap/glide on his own and with assistance from the Gods, can fly. If he had Angel Wing Syndrome he would mostly likely not be able to fly at all.

Not to matter that was make Angel Wing Syndrome so recognisable it the physical deformity is has on the bird. Having vitals feathers pulled to the rear. Pit clearly does not have this.

Though I will agree Pit doesn't have the best diet.

There are 10 possible food to have for health, this includes:

Fruits: apples, melons, grapes,

Meaty Foods: meat, hamburgers, sushi

Junk food: cakes, ice cream, doughnuts, bars of chocolate.

There is no vegetables! Unless you count anything in the burger haha.

But this ask did make me wonder, why can't Pit fly? And if there is any evidence in game to why.

I seem to find in an answer in by comparing when Pit can fly vs when he cannot.

Pit's Wings

In the original game he looks like this (oh gods the quality I apologise)

His wings go along his upper back, though pretty small right? Only reaching the neck when stretched out.

But now look at him with the Wings of Pegasus, they reach his head. Now while this could just be a visual to show the Pegasus' Wings Superiority, but perhaps Pit's wings aren't big enough to carry his weight.

But before I came to a conclusion, I looked at Uprising

First two (top layer) are Pit's wings normally where as the last two (bottem) layer is when the Miracle of Flight is activated. It may be hard to see but his wings are bigger when the Miracle of Flight is activated. You can see this when Pit jumps out at the start of a chapter, but can also see this in the cutscene in Ring of Chaos , when Viridi activated Flight.

You can see his wings grow. As seen in the images below and at the beginning of the clip.

I also looked at the pegasus wings for Uprising, but they are turned off because of potential unreliability, according to Palutenas(see image one below), hence they aren't any bigger than normal miracle of flight(image two below).

Note: when Pit is extracted from battle his wings do not change. (image three below)

So when Miracle of Flight is activated, Pit's wings grow? It that just a special detail or does Pit need bigger wings?

Dark Pit's Wings

To figure this out we can also use Dark pit for when he gets Pandora Power.

Pre-Pandora, his wings are similar to Pit's(see first image), but when he gets Pandora they almost double in size (see second image), you can really feel the difference.

But what is fascinating, is that when you fight him again, his wings are back to the average size (see third image). At first I thought this was an inconsistency, but no, as after the battle he seems to activate his wings, become big again (see fourth image).

Dark pit doesn't gain/have better wings, he gains power to activate his own infinite Miracle of Flight, which also make his wings bigger. He seems to prefer smaller wings for flighting (as they probably make them both lighter on their feet).

This makes me think that the Pits don't have big enough (or at the very least strong enough) wings to carry them. So the Miracle of Flight acts as an aid that give them these things while in flight (as Dark pit chooses to deactivated on the ground).

This is probably the answer.

(more speculation below)

But if that is the case, the biggest question is

Why does Pit's Wings Burn/Why is there a limit to the Miracle of Flight?

This part now is just speculation. (Also I am ignoring the last scene of 15min flying for this post, as I just think it's just a credit thing.)

Is seems that if the Miracle of Flight is used for too long Pit gets burnout both metaphorically and physically, his wings catch aflame due to the limit. So why is there a limit, and why does Dark Pit not have it?

The only difference between Pit and Dark Pit is how they gain their miracle of flight.

Dark Pit absorbed Pandora's power, making it his own. Therefore the power he uses to fly is (temporary) his own that he can control and regulate. Whereas Pit has someone else acting upon him, gods for that matter. Who cannot regulate their power being exerted upon him as well as Dark Pit can on himself.

I think it's the different between external vs internal regulation that is the difference between Pit and Dark Pit here. Dark Pit can know exactly how much power/usage he needs for flight whereas the gods made be just shoving a bunch of power in Pit's wings, not knowing how to regulate it correctly to Pit's needs. For the Miracle of Flight to be safe and unlimited, Pit has to be the one giving power to his wings.

But in order to get that power he has to steal it, which has been shown to be unsustainable as Pandora lived on in Dark Pit's wings. Not only that but it had to be all of Pandora's power, who was a goddess. So I don't think Palutena can simply give this power to Pit, as is has to be the power of an entire deity, but if you absorb that power, the deity lives on. While the circumstances of Pandora's revival were rare, there no certain way to know that there isn't other ways an absorbed deity can get their power back.

This makes in unlikely that Pit could one day fly on his own indefinitely. Though can offer explanation on why Dark Pit can fly. But alas, this part is more speculative than the other (hence under the cut). But it is interesting to think about.

Thanks for the ask!

#also I purposely ignored myth and monsters since #i view the game unreliable for KIU lore #pit kid icarus #dark pit #kid icarus #kid icarus uprising #myth analyses things #myth asks #myth conversations

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coralcatsea · 5 days

Text

-Typically sensory seeking. He tends to touch everything so he can feel the textures. He likes a little bit of noise and can be uncomfortable with silence. However, if he's not in control of the noises then sometimes they still bother or distract him.

-Stims. OFTEN. Humming, bouncing, clicking pens, shaking his leg, all sorts of things. Him flapping and waving his hands is just straight up canon.

-I think we all know he's been called childish before.

-He absolutely comes across as someone who info dumps. He just gets so excited and passionate about his interests!

-There are a lot of social cues he disregards because they're inconvenient to him, and I do headcanon him as bisexual and very likely demisexual as well.

-He has ADHD along with the autism. I could see him possibly having anxiety as well since I believe he overthinks a lot. Maybe also depression? Harder to say on that one. It seems plausible a lot of nations would develop it, but I feel I'd need to do more research.

-It is canon Alfred cries a lot, so the difficulty with emotional regulation could be possible.

-He absolutely has an exaggerated, loud way of expressing himself.

-Lacking spacial/body awareness seems to fit with how he doesn't appear to think about others' personal space.

-He often takes things at face value. A very literal guy who doesn't always understand sarcasm – or just isn't sure, so he chooses to react as if it's literal. This doesn't mean he's incapable of ever understanding it, though, and he can even be sarcastic himself.

-Very often feels misunderstood, since people make a ton of assumptions about him. He often feels like he's performing social interactions, having to make sure he does the right thing to come off a certain way.

-He does repeat phrases a lot, I think. Especially movie/TV quotes, if that counts.

-Given he's immortal, it's extremely likely he felt older than any of the human children he might have interacted with. Even with Canada, he seemed older for a while since he developed so differently. Once he became an adult, however, he became perceived as young since he refused to abandon things he enjoyed just because adults have a limited perception of fun.

-Has a strong sense of justice, fairness, is very loyal, and has a hard time lying. I would say all of these are pretty true. He can lie decently sometimes, but if he's not prepared for it, he's not always that convincing. Depends what it is, though.

-He's caring and has shown concern over other characters (e.g. England, Romano), but he doesn't always express it too well and sometimes even comes off as insensitive in the process.

-He forgets to eat properly. Yes, there are times when he eats a bunch, but he has also been shown living off protein bars because he was so busy working. Even Romano was concerned.

-He definitely scripts stuff in his head to prepare. Remember that time he was imagining what he would say when he arrived to the meeting early for once? Of course, that's only one small thing, but I do feel he's the type to script a lot of things out.

-VERY friendly, but yeah...he doesn't have many friends. It's even been stated in his bio that his only friends are England and Japan. Hopefully he's gained a few more since then!

#hetalia #hws #aph #hws america #aph america #hws england #aph england #hws japan #hws romano #hws canada #headcanons #autism acceptance #autism acceptence month #autistic alfred

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rakurairagnarok · 2 years

Text

Batting for the other Team

It’s finally done!! This was a request from @bigbren1979 . I hope you like it my dude!! Please enjoy. I also have some interesting news coming up later today!!! Stay tuned!!

Brett Lawrie was a massive success on the baseball field. People loved seeing this very attractive man swing away, both men and women. Unfortunately for both of them, he was already taken, having a wife and kid. Even worse, Lawrie was a massive homophobe, making fun of and harassing all the gay guys that worked out at the gym. He didn't make it very obvious so he would not get into trouble, but everyone knew he really hated them all.

Sadly for Lawrie, he messed with the wrong guy today.

Andrew was having a beer with his friends in the local bar, when he saw Brett entering, clearly drunk. He sat down with his buds in a booth and immediately shouted for a waitress. When a guy approached the table, Lawrie and his friends immediately started calling him names. “Get us some beers, faggot” he said while spewing in his face. Andrew watched the scene unfold with his fists clenched. That bastard, always pestering the queer folk around town. He was about to get up to say something to the sportsman, when a thought entered his mind. A sly grin spread along his face as he sat back down and enjoyed the rest of his evening.

The following morning

Andrew walked into the gym, looking for his target. He found Brett on the leg extension machine. Andrew moved over to the baseball player and smiled.

“Hey man, You’re Brett Lawrie right? I’m a huge fan, dude! That last game was fantastic! Your swings were top tier!” Lawrie smiled.

“Thanks bro! It was such a great game. I’m glad there are still some actual baseball fans around here, and not just fags.” Andrew bit his tongue and smiled.

“Yeah man, been a fan for ages!” Lawrie beamed as his ego was stroked to high heaven. Andrew rummaged through his bag and took out a workout shaker.

“Hey man, so I wanted to give you this, it's a protein shake I developed myself. Gives you this hugeeee boost. Best workout you've ever had, trust me. And unlike pre-workout, you don't even have to wait!!” Lawrie took the bottle with big eyes and took a swig.

“Bro… this tastes divine!!” he took another sip and, kind of reluctantly, gave back the bottle to Andrew. Andrew saw the remorse in his eyes and smiled.

“You know what man, you can keep that one, I got another one in my locker.” Brett looked up. “Are you sure… you don’t-”

“I insist dude.” Andrew retorted and handed him the bottle.

Brett gazed at it and quickly took another mouthful. He stared up at Andrew and then immediately downed the whole bottle after which he let out a massive belch. “Jezus that was fucking great man. Thanks a lot”

Andrew grinned “No probz bro. Be sure to see me after your workout though. I can hook you up with some more”

Lawrie nodded. “Yeah sure thing bro!” Andrew turned and started to walk towards the weights, starting his own workout.

In the meantime, Lawrie continued with renewed vigor. He had actually been almost done but the shake had given him an energy reset. He was ready to keep going. He continued to workout his legs and ass. His girlfriend loved his massive ass. When Lawrie was headed towards the Squat rack, he felt his stomach rumble. He chuckled. “Oh dear, there come the preworkout gasses. Oh well, people should know I've been here, they'd better be honored to smell me.” He said with a smug look on his face. But the farts and burps never came. Even when squatting down with 50 pounds on each side of the bar, not a single puff of air came out of him.

Instead, his body slowly started to swell up a bit. His lean body started to fill out with some fat and muscle. His rough slender arms started to fill out his shirt. His stomach roared again, this time enlarging his pecs into soft, warm cushions of flesh. Another rumble and he shrank down a few inches, but as he was squatting down at the same time, he didn't even notice. The former 6 foot athlete, was now an adorable 5 '7. With another rumble came another set of changes. His 30 year old face started to lose some years. Patches of aged skin started to smooth out, the few wrinkles he had pulled away, and his beard receded into a soft stubble. His stern face melted away into a soft and cute face with boyish charm. His short hair started to grow out and turned wavy. Lawrie bit his lips as they slowly plumped up, making him look very cute, but also very, very gay. He squatted down once more and the ink on his body started to wash away with all the sweat that ran down his frame. He now had smooth and youthful looking skin. His final squat and his body hair all but disappeared leaving behind a slight dusting of hair along his new juicy pecs. Having some energy left, Lawrie decided to put on some weights and continue the squats. With every squat his ass felt like it was on fire. Each rep made his ass bigger, and more jiggly. His below average rod also started to grow. Not just hard, but longer, and thicker too. His balls grew too, with every rep making them bigger and faster. Lawrie’s ass was getting bigger by the second, almost ripping his shorts. He was also getting smoother, all the hair sucking into his balls and shaft, leaving a perfect smooth member.

He finally put down the bar and stood there, panting and sweating. “Fuck… that was amazing” he thought to himself. He grabbed his towel and headed to the locker room, ready to get some more of that delicious drink. As he opened the door he was met with an alluring smell that he could immediately place; it was the drink. He looked around and saw Andrew sitting on a bench, legs spread apart, with a towel around his waist, covering his manhood.

“Hey bro… I “ Lawrie fell silent. His usual rough voice was gone. Instead, when he talked a youthful, squeaky voice rang through the room.

“Hey man, you're finally done. Took you long enough. But damn you look good!” Lawrie looked down, and saw his clothes didn't fit him the same as they did when he put them on this morning. They were hanging lower on his body, but he filled them out much more.

He looked up in the mirror and screamed. Instead of the handsome, rugged face he knew, a new young, cute, and very queer looking face looked back at him.

“What did you do to me” He asked, in that annoyingly gay sounding voice.

“You just love to make fun of all the gays around here, so I thought, why not make you experience it for a change” he spread apart his legs a bit more, and Lawrie got attacked by a fresh, warm wave of the smell.

“Y-you …. Put something in the drink” Lawrie stammered, feeling a thread of drool run down his chin.

“You look adorable like that, but yeah you're right. You want more right, that’s why you came? Want it from the source?” Andrew threw off the towel and Lawries knees buckled. The smell spread around the locker room, and more drool came spilling out of Lawries mouth. Andrew slowly walked over, his thick dick standing at attention. As he came closer there were no questions needed about what the source was; Lawrie only had eyes for Andrews dick. Andrew stopped just in front of Lawrie, his dick on eye level with the former star player.

“Fuck you’re cute now.” Andrew cooed. He ran his thumb along Lawries soft jaw. “You want a taste, baby?” Lawrie gulped and bit his lip.

“N-no I’m.. “

“Lick it boy” Andrew commanded, and Lawrie immediately complied. He opened his mouth and swallowed the rod. The bear groaned as the boy started to expertly suck him off. Lawries eyes opened wide as the familiar flavor of his drink started to fill his mouth.

“That’s a good boy” these words filled Lawrie with a weird warm and fuzzy feeling. “You wanna make daddy cum, don't you?” Lawrie wanted to spit out the dick and curse out the man in front of him but instead he looked up into the bear's eyes and nodded.

“Very good boy, you're such a cutie. I’m gonna take such good care of you” As Andrew said that he shot a load down Brett Lawries throat. This in turn made the boy cream his own pants, shooting out all the old negative parts of the married baseball player. What was left was Barry, Andrew’s soft boyfriend pup, who was such a massive slut for his Daddy's cock.

“That was amazing daddy… did I do good?”

“You sure did pup… but I’ve got a question… What is your sexuality?”

“Im very gay Drewie. I’m so very gay for your cock… And those of your hot friends…”

Andrew laughed and he pulled his boyfriend up, giving him a warm embrace. “That's my boy. Lets get you cleaned up and home’

Later

It's been a few months since Brett Lawrie has been missing. The gay community of the town didnt really mind though. In his place, they got a new slut with a very cute face. Andrew’s new boyfriend made a very cheap onlyfans, and had plenty of time for visitors. His instagram is full of his dumb, cute face.

Brett doesn’t remember much from his old life, only that it got substantially better when he and Andrew met. He now gets endless attention, money, and dick from him so he doesn't have much to complain about.

#transformation #s2g #straight to gay #himbofication #transformation through drink #age regression #rakurai

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