#a lot of it i think was also. okay lets talk about the internalised FEMALE gaze | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

musical-chick-13 · 10 months

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Hey, I saw your post about female characters being ignored and not cared about, one thing I know and tha I've seen is that; even if the female characters and side characters were all female—they would still genderbend them, or latch onto two male characters who have done no shit and give them better characterisation, the fandom will also flatten, cut out, and remove important characteristics of the important female characters, while giving important hc canons and what not to the two male characters.

It is plain old fandom misogy and has always been there from the beginning.

"Even when women and girls are at the forefront of the story, men will always be seeked out in whatever ways possible, and centralised—female characters on the other hand, will always be judged or ignored; people do not want to admit it, but they still have internalised misogyny to worked on, 'fandom is not activism' gives them an excuse and cover to not examine, women's stories or inner lives don't and have never mattered to a lot of people in varying degrees."

Overall, I just resonate with your frustrations and thought I was the only one . . .

Oh, you have come to the RIGHT place, my friend, I rant about this every other day at minimum.

FEMALE CHARACTERS!! WILL ALWAYS!!!! BE JUDGED OR IGNORED!!!!!!!!! Like. Chainsaw Man and Game of Thrones/ASoIaF have been praised significantly for letting all of the women in them be extremely flawed and complicated in differing and interesting ways, and I STILL see people not engaging with them and/or reducing most of them to one (1) characteristic. (Cersei is a "crazy bitch," Sansa is "stupid" (??), Catelyn is a terrible mom, Melisandre is...there; Kobeni is obnoxious, Makima is hot, Himeno is the Worst™, etc. etc.) And there should be an overwhelming abundance of increasingly implausible f/f ship content, right? (There isn't.)

(And ohhhhh, people want to erase the importance of women to the overall narrative and its themes (and their canonical importance to other-usually male-characters) so bad, see: Cersei, Himeno, Irene Adler, Mary Morstan, MCU Natasha, Camille O'Connell, Bonnie Bennett, Lizzie Saltzman, Mai from AtLA, Martha Jones, tbh even River gets a fair amount of this. And then some of this is obviously combined with racism when the character is a WOC.)

And I don't have a problem with genderbending characters-gender is complicated, and exploring different facets of how a character might interact with the world if their gender identity changed is incredibly interesting!! But it's...very telling that, historically, I have seen this happen a lopsided amount in one direction, where the female characters are reimagined as men and not vice versa. (Remember when a not-insignificant number of people could only stomach BBC Sherlock/Irene if they reimagined Irene as a man? And then got mad at Elementary for CANONICALLY reinterpreting Watson as a woman? Good times. 🙄)

Just...so many of these wildly-hated or ignored women are...not any less complex than a lot of fictional men who get popular. (I'm sorry, you want to tell me that Misa is not at LEAST as interesting and worthy of sympathy as K*lo fucking Ren? When she has the backstory she does and presents an engaging dichotomy of "bubbly/silly yet murderous" and deconstructs the idea of extreme single-minded devotion NO I'M NOT MAD ABOUT THIS WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT)

And the idea of "fandom is not activism" is supposed to be used in the sense of "Liking a pRoBLeMaTiC dynamic/character in a story doesn't mean you think that behavior is okay in real life" (finding a fictional war criminal interesting doesn't equate to supporting genocide, exploring a toxic dynamic in fic doesn't inherently mean you hate victims, etc.), and "Paying lip service to marginalized/mistreated fictional characters is not the same as helping and supporting actual marginalized/mistreated people in real life." It doesn't mean, "We ignore obvious examples of misogyny and racism and ableism and transphobia and all other prejudices just because this is supposed to be fun." Biases are systemically ingrained, and any given person will bring those biases into all facets of their life; that doesn't just magically stop happening because one of those life facets happens to be a hobby or form of entertainment. Breaking down and dismantling prejudice has to happen on every level, including the """small""" ones.

The only time I have ever seen people engage with multiple female characters on a regular basis while admitting to their importance and narrative complexity and actually creating fanworks about them is Noir (2001). And that's because there are a whole 10 people in this fandom and the show has no men. (Okay, not literally, but you know what I mean.) And it's just so incredibly frustrating that that's the point we have to get to just for it to be possible for people to bother with a work's female characters on an enthusiastic, regular basis. (Because, as you said-that doesn't always happen even when those conditions are met.)

ANYWAY, I'm so sorry for making this response so lengthy, but genuinely I have been holding this in for a long time. TLDR, you're right and you should say it. You definitely aren't the only one, and I'm so, so glad that somebody Gets It.

#we can apparently have sympathy & complex analysis™ for [character name redacted b/c I will get murdered] but not LIZZIE??? who ACTUALLY #has a mental illness and an extremely turbulent personal history??????? REALLY???!!!!?!???#misogyny in fandom #fandom misogyny #female characters #multi t(ASK)ing

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purplecatdad · 3 years

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Rarepair Week “Darkness”

Part of the RDR Events Rarepair Week

Prompt: Darkness

Bill/Kieran | Teens an Up | Canon-Divergence

Content Warning for: Child Abuse (mentioned), Internalised Homophobia, Trauma, Alcoholism, Depression, Tortue

Bill Williamson had never been a brave man.

In fact he felt like a coward most of the time. Back when his daddy had beaten him up and he never fought back. Back when he applied to the army, simply because he was afraid that he’d end up with nothing in his life. Back when he punched and almost killed the guy who had kissed him just so people wouldn’t know he was a queer. Or when he thought that his life would end as Dutch van der Linde laughed at him because he had tried to steal from him.

For a long while, Dutch had made Bill feel like he wasn’t all that much of a coward. He had given him purpose, a family, people to take care of. He knew that most of them, especially the other boys, would call him lazy. Often enough they had called him that right into his face and he knew that they were right. But sometimes he’d just lie awake at night, haunted by the things he did and those that had been done to him. They paralysed him and robbed him of his sleep and with the rising sun came the overwhelming sadness. Sadness that made it unable for him to do anything but to drink, like his daddy used to. To drown the memories and the pain in liquor. And every time he felt his consciousness slipping thanks to the Whiskey he was afraid again. That he’d end up like him. Beating folk who didn’t deserve it, children and women. And that was someone he never wanted to be.

He had run with Dutch and his boys for 6 years. They had gone through both good and bad times but it had rarely been as bad as after Blackwater. They’ve lost folk and money and had been holed up in the cold for far too long. And it had all been the O’Driscoll’s fault. They’ve managed to catch one of his boys, a man named Kieran and while Bill hated his guts for being part of the rival gang he also stirred something else in him … something that made him afraid again.

Nobody in camp knew that he preferred the company of men over women. At least not as far as Bill knew. During the years he had visited some working boys now and then. To celebrate after a good job or to let off some steam after a job gone wrong - but he had always made sure to keep it to himself. Once or twice he’d almost been caught but he had always managed to make it look that he was just another man fucking some female prostitute.

But then, Arthur had dragged one of those damn O’Driscolls with them. A scrawny man named Kieran Duffy. Someone who belonged to the enemy. Kieran changed the game. Bill couldn’t help watching him. He was cute, even if a little jumpy at times. The horses loved him, even the Count let him close. And even if he was afraid and even if they had hurt and threatend him, he still pulled his weight and even saved Arthur’s life when there was no need to do so.

Often, Bill would imagine what he’d do with him if he had him for himself, all on his own. Stripping him down, kissing every inch of his body, holding him close. Of course he couldn’t tell him. Of course he was afraid of something slipping. So he made sure that Kieran was afraid as well. With gelding tongs and fists and snarling at him whenever he got too close. But instead of feeling better, securer about it he just felt like shit. Because he still kept watching Kieran … and couldn’t help but notice what a good man the O’Driscoll actually was. Kind, honest, soft and gentle. Nothing like the other men in camp. Nothing like the boys he had paid before.

His heart always started to flutter when he approached Kieran to tell him to clean up his tack or groom Brown Jack for him. Kieran always got nervous and jumpy around him and Bill couldn’t blame him for it. It was what he had tried to achieve - but had it really been what he had wanted? He had cursed himself a lot during the first few weeks. Hating himself for ruining a potential relationship, even if it was just friendship, before it had even started.

Once they had moved to Clemens point, Bill had made a decision. He would no longer be a coward. He would try to approach him. Maybe he could show Kieran that he wasn’t always just a brute. He could be a drinking buddy. Or a friend.

It had taken many approaches and even more beers until Kieran had finally accepted Bill‘s invitation to drink with him. Both of them eased into the conversation with the help of the alcohol, feeling more confident because of the drinks they finally managed to get to know each other. Bill always doubted himself come next morning. Wondering if it was really the right thing to do. What if he accidentally said too much? Revealed himself to Kieran only to be pushed away again? But he always came back because he enjoyed Kieran‘s company too much

Sometimes he went away just to beat some people up, to get rid of the restlessness. He knew it wasn’t the right thing to do. It didn’t fit to the “beat people who need beating” mantra of Dutch and his gang. But still he couldn’t help it. Beating them black and blue made him feel in control. He knew how to do it, he was confident when he did it. There was no doubt there, only the knowledge and assurance that he was capable of something.

One night they had actually met outside of camp, in the Rhodes saloon. Bill had wanted to celebrate another good score with some proper food and some higher brand whiskey and had told Kieran to come along. They had eaten and drunk and enjoyed each other‘s company … and when Kieran had excused himself to pee outside, Bill had followed him.

Thanks to the Whiskey and the good mood, Bill hadn‘t been afraid anymore. He had been brave. He had taken Kieran‘s face into his hands and kissed him, pressed against the back wall of the saloon. And to his surprise, Kieran had kissed him back. They had rented a room that night to spend it together. Hasty, deep kisses, bodies intertwined. It had left Bill speechless and tired and satisfied in a way he had never felt.

The next morning he woke up alone. The way back to camp a walk of shame. Fear and anxiety creeping up about what to expect in camp. Had Kieran told them all about Bill? About his desires, about what he had done with him? What if he had ruined whatever they had by just acting up on his desires? If Kieran never wanted to get that far?

But when he reached the camp grounds he realized that there was no need to worry. Kieran greeted him like nothing happened as he was cleaning up after the horses and took Brown Jack from him to be unsaddled and groomed. Javier congratulated him on the „successful night with the ladies of Rhodes'' and after a few more interactions with the people in camp, Bill had realized that Kieran had simply told them that they had been busy with some working girls during the night. A story that apparently all of them believed to be true without a doubt.

Many nights like that followed, with less and less alcohol involved. They never talked about it, never really spoke about what happened during those nights. Bill woke up alone each day. But he understood - he also didn‘t want to risk anybody finding out. It was good, what they had and someone finding out about them would most likely ruin whatever it was that they had.

More shit went down in Rhodes, more than he could comprehend and they found each other down south at a place called Shady Belle. Bill had never liked the swamps. The air was too humid and hot for him to breathe and always made him a sweaty mess. But Kieran started sleeping closer to him at night in the new camp and he was happier about that than he had expected to be.

One night he took him out to Saint Denis. He hated the big city but it offered them some anonymity that made him feel safer than in Rhodes. They had some drinks, some delicious food and rented another room for the night. Kieran had bought them some Whiskey again and drunk it until he was swaying on his feet before he had pulled Bill to bed with him. He had kissed Bill a lot that night, clinging to him and pulling him closer. When they were done, he had cuddled up into his arms instead of turning away, whispering a soft „I love you, Bill“ that kept Bill awake for a few more hours, repeating the words in his mind, thinking about what it meant for him. What it meant for them.

Eventually he fell asleep, cuddled up to Kieran who was snoring away peacefully next to him. Bill could pretend that this was their life. That this was how he spent every night, next to his special someone who would whisper sweet words into his ears and keep him warm at night.

But when the next morning came, reality hit him again. Kieran had left the bed in the morning once again and left him alone. It was okay, of course and what Bill had halfway expected anyway. But when he came back to camp, Kieran wasn‘t there to greet him and to take Brown Jack from him. He wasn‘t at the scouting fire, taking care of the saddles or with the girls talking about books. In fact, he was nowhere to be seen. A part of Bill, the anxious, cowardly beast, told him that Kieran had had enough. That he had left the gang, had left him behind because he didn‘t want to be with him anymore. And the other part? The other part was angry. Angry at Kieran for vanishing, angry at himself for being so stupid and even imagine anybody to actually like him. He felt heartbroken and it was his own damn fault because he was, as always, a fool.

Another night came and went but Kieran still hadn‘t come back. Bill started to worry now. He knew that there were many dangerous people in the swamps and that Kieran, despite being in multiple gangs of outlaws, wasn‘t a good fighter or great at defending himself. So he asked people in camp if they had seen him but nobody did. Mary-Beth, who Bill rarely spoke a word with but who he knew was a good friend of Kieran‘s, also hadn‘t seen him and was equally worried. So Bill decided that he had to go and look for him.

He asked Dutch and Arthur and Javier and even John to maybe come with him but none of them felt like Kieran was in danger. It made him angry again and when Micah snarled a “Don‘t you worry about your little girlfriend, I‘m sure he‘ll come back to you“ at him, Bill couldn‘t help but to punch in his nose and storm off on Brown Jack‘s back. If nobody was up to help him, he‘d have to find him on his own.

It took him two days of traveling through the swamps until he finally found something. A few horses, hitched close to an old water mill… one of them a mare that he knew all to well. Branwen, Kieran‘s beloved horse that he cherished more than anything else in the world. Bill knew that he had found him - and he was certain that Kieran wasn‘t here by choice. If he was even alive anymore.

Bill had never been a brave man.

But he knew when it was time to fight and he was ready to risk his own life if he had to. If it meant helping the only man who he could fully trust in this world. The man who loved him. So he jumped off of Brown Jack, approached the house and kicked in the door. He started shooting without asking questions, killing everybody who was raising their guns at him. Most people thought he was a fool and mostly they were right - but he was good with his rifle and could kill multiple men within seconds. After barely a minute, nobody in the house was moving anymore.

“Kieran?!“ he yelled out and frantically looked around. He couldn‘t see him anywhere so he walked up to the ladder, climbed down as fast as he could - and stopped in his tracks when he saw what they had done to him.

Kieran‘s hands were tied up to the ceiling above his head, stripped down to his union suit that was smeared with blood. There were cuts all over his body, visible through the holes that they had ripped into the fabric. They had tortured him, he could see a few missing toes, one of his earlobes missing as well. Bill couldn‘t help but to stare at Kieran for a moment. This was not what he had expected.

“Kieran …“ he said, softer this time and walked up to him. Kieran was unconscious, his head hanging down … but his chest was still rising and falling, slow but steadily. As he moved closer to him, Bill noticed that something else was missing - Kieran’s eyes had been removed, black, bloodied holes now where his eyes used to be. Bill felt his hands shaking from anger and worry but his instinct kicked in quickly. The years spent amidst the violence and struggle to keep alive against all odds had made his subconscious defy his otherwise oafish and lazy nature. He knew that he had to get out of here fast, before anybody else would come.

He quickly untied Kieran, wrapped him in his long coat and carried him up the ladder. His mind was racing. He wasn‘t sure if Kieran would survive this, wasn‘t sure if the rest of the O‘Driscolls would wait for him outside. But he was sure that, if he brought Kieran back to camp, the O‘Driscolls might follow him there. There was no time to run without leaving a trace. And he was certain that Dutch would never forgive him if he led the enemy right back to them just because of Kieran.

So he was the one who had to take care of him … and as he stepped out out the mill, Kieran in his arms, he realized that he wouldn‘t be able to do that at camp. Not in the way he wanted, not in the way Kieran deserved. Carefully he placed Kieran on Branwen, making sure that he was safe and secure on her back before he attached her lead to Brown Jack‘s saddle. He had to bring him to safety, somewhere in the heartlands. And maybe, if Kieran wanted, they could make themselves a home there. Far away from everything. Away from the violence and the bloodshed.

He rode away, always looking back at Kieran who stayed unconscious, even after Bill made camp somewhere in the middle of nowhere. He didn‘t know where they were, he just hoped that this was far enough away from anybody who could be hunting them. After he set up the tent, he finally got around to cleaning up Kieran‘s wounds and bandaging his eyes as best as he could. Bill sure as hell was no doctor but trying to survive alone sure taught you one thing or two. He placed him on the bedroll and sat down next to him, staring at the campfire he made.

He felt it again, the anxiety creeping up. The feeling of being worthless - he should‘ve been faster, better at hunting down those bastards who had hurt Kieran like this. He should‘ve told Kieran to just stay with him in that hotel room. To enjoy the morning with him as much as the night. But he hadn‘t. He hadn‘t done any of those things and now Kieran was hurt … and he wasn‘t even sure that he‘d survive.

He felt Kieran stirr awake next to him. He looked over at him, gently touching his hand to let him know that he wasn‘t alone.

“Kieran …“, he said softly and the other man looked around. “You‘re safe. I … Got you out. Took care of your wounds.“

Kieran stilled, taking Bill‘s hand in his, a whimper escaping him. Bill couldn‘t imagine how hard this must be for him. To wake up and not be able to see. To not know what was happening around him.

“Can I … should I get you something? Some water? Are you hungry?“ He felt stupid again, unsure what to do. He had never been the one taking care of the wounded, he had only ever taken care of himself and fought alongside the others. This was new.

“Please just .. lie down .. with me..“, Kieran said, his voice weak and barely audible.

And Bill did as he asked, carefully lying down next to Kieran, putting his arms around him and pulling him close to his chest.

“It‘s so dark …“, Kieran whispered, his voice trembling with anxiety.

“I know … I‘m sorry …“, Bill answered, his voice weavering. He‘d give his life for Kieran to see again.

“I‘m glad … that you‘re with me, though. Means I don‘t have to face the darkness all on my own.“

“You won‘t“, Bill agreed and gently caressed his back. “I won‘t ever leave you alone again.“

#cw: child abuse #cw: internalised homophibia #cw: trauma #cw: alcoholism #cw: tortue #RDR2 #RDRRarepairWeek #Bieran #Bill/Kieran #Red Dead Redemption 2 #dad writes

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comingoutofthecauldron · 3 years

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Sometimes I'm like broooo how did leigh make such good books with soc and ck with such good characters and plots and wordbuilding but she had made a (very entertaining) trilogy but with so many grating 2D characters and sometimes the plot was just ... not it

Like soc and ck obviously have their flaws too but not to the same extent as the trilogy

Like did you feel leigh was very unnecessarily sympathetic to the darkling and treated Nikolai as a mostly good character in the text even though he did sooooo many shitty things

And that zoya was treated (unknowingly) with a lot of misogyny in the narrative which has caused many people in the fandom to hate her

And alarking and nikolina were romanticised in the books and in the fandom far too much

???

YES OKAY so this is a Big Thing for me. very controversially, i prefer tgt to soc solely because i find it much more enjoyable to read. HOWEVER, there's no denying that leigh's writing definitely improved from tgt to soc, i agree.

while i think that leigh clearly portrayed the darkling as a villain (she didn't tamper down his crimes or make them seem less horrific), i agree that the narrative was definitely (arguably too) sympathetic towards him. i could use a lot of examples for this, but none work quite so well as:

“Once more,” he said. “Speak my name once more.” He was ancient, I knew that. But in this moment he was just a boy – brilliant, blessed with too much power, burdened by eternity.

“Aleksander.”

His eyes fluttered shut. “Don’t let me be alone,” he murmured. And then he was gone.

leigh's choice to have alina, one of the people who suffered most at the darkling's hands, sympathise with him and even grant him his last wish, was a bad one. this man is a thousand year old p*dophilic mass murdering sex trafficker and she had the nerve to describe him as "just a boy" and "brilliant [...] blessed [...] burdened". of course you can argue that this is the residue of his grooming of alina, but i just think that after all the shit he'd done by this point, after a whole book of alina talking about how manipulated she felt and how much she hated him, these few words offer him clemency from the narrative that he does not deserve. all he did to earn alina's kindness (not forgiveness, to be fair to leigh) was die.

and yes, nikolai was hero worshipped by the text for absolutely no reason. even though we see both alina and mal put up a lot of resistance to him + the shit he pulls (punching him, criticizing him etc), the narrative basically shoves their eventual "pity" and "admiration" for nikolai down the readers' throats.

“[...] Nikolai might never have made it out of the Grand Palace.” It hurt me to say it, but I forced myself to speak the words. “He could be dead.”

and

The too-clever fox. Even once he’d abandoned his disguise as Sturmhond, that’s who Nikolai had been to me, always thinking, always scheming.

and

[to nikolai] “I’m just happy you’re alive,” I said, hastily blinking my eyes clear.

imo this sympathy + romanticisation is much worse and much more prominent throughout the latter half of s&s and the whole of r&r than the sympathy with the darkling, purely because the bad things nikolai does are essentially never acknowledged. there is (unsurprisingly ig) no talk of his imperialism, no talk of his pursuing alina when she's a minor, no talk of his racist remarks and generally very little talk of him being an asshole (particularly to mal).

moreover, i agree that nikolina + darklina were too romanticized by the text. i have a very complicated relationship with leigh's portrayal of alarkling, because a lot of alina's earlier feelings and sympathy for the darkling stem from his grooming and manipulation of her, which i think this quote from the start of r&r shows pretty well:

Even now, after everything he’d done, I wanted to believe the Darkling, to find some way to forgive him.

but then we get the whole mental house call thing that alina + the darkling do, in which they can visit each other and no one else can see the other. that was a mistake narratively. the ability to do this implies a sort of deeper bond, and even though the darkling then uses this bond to show alina the corpse of the only mother figure she'd ever known, it still carries almost romantic connotations with it throughout the rest of the book(s) for some reason. this dynamic is similar to a lot of "soulmate bonds" in mainstream ya (namely sjm's mating bonds), which helps to explain why so many people ship darklina; it is written & coded the same as the majority of (abusive) ya relationships, so readers pick up on this as a sign of romance rather than some attempt at narrative foils or something (bc in reality zoya is alina's foil). this isn't even mentioning the repetition of alina's desire to forgive the darkling and her confusion over her "feelings" for him, which once again just reinforces darklina as a viable ship in a lot of readers' minds.

as for nikolina, as a less prevalent ship in the series it gets less attention in the fandom. most often, i see people turn to nikolina because they don't like malina or the darkling, or because they wanted alina to become queen (to which i remind everyone that alina never wanted to be queen). at first i was alright with leigh's portrayal of them because alina punches nikolai + is angry with him for kissing her non-consensually etc, which is the closest the narrative ever comes to condemning him for his actions. but later on alina seems to forget all this and considers marrying nikolai, even joking with him a little when he proposes:

[during nikolai's marriage proposal]

“Stop that,” I said, still grinning.

“What?”

“Saying the right thing.”

there is zero acknowledgement of how predatory nikolai is, and instead the narrative goes on to sympathise with nikolai and have alina feel guilty for rejecting him. imo alina's characterization (her initial disdain for nikolai, which was much more in character) was sacrificed to raise up nikolai, and also show him to be a plausible and "likable" love interest for zoyalai, which is where leigh obviously intended for nikolai to end up (zoya is even mentioned during nikolai's proposal).

finally - yes, zoya in tgt is basically a manifestation of leigh's internalised misogyny. from alina's initial slut-shamey disdain for her, to leigh weaponising her against malina (repeated sexual encounters with mal), to zoya being seen as evil & a bitch by the other female characters just because she's powerful + isn't "nice", zoya's character was assassinated before it even had chance to materialize. even though zoya was also a victim of the darkling and is, as i mentioned before, alina's narrative foil, alina has very little sympathy for her and assumes that she's an evil bitch. tbf, this gets better with each book, but even in r&r there's a lot of tension between zoya and the other characters because she's seen as unlikable and difficult. i can't speak to her characterization in kos or soc, because i haven't read one and don't really remember the other, but i have heard that it improved from tgt to kos.

anyways this has been a long ass rant and i'm very sorry to anyone who scrolls past it on their dash. fuck the darkling, fuck nikolai lantsov, and stan malyen oretsev

#cauldron rants #cauldron asks #tgt #anti nikolai #anti nikolina #anti darkling #anti darklina #anti alarkling #alina starkov #the darkling #nikolai lantsov #zoya nazyalensky #long post

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ratingtheframe · 3 years

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Everything Wrong With… Ep 2 - The Devil Wears Prada

Welcome back to Everything Wrong With...the series where dive head first into some of the seemingly okay-ish films and analyse why in fact they do more harm than good in providing us with satiable entertainment. Follow me on instagram @ratingtheframe for more movie related content and without further ado, let's get into this chick flick and see how far we’ve come since 2006.

If you aren’t aware, The Devil Wears Prada is a 2006 “chick flick” originally written as a book by Lauren Weisenburger. I remember seeing The Devil Wears Prada as one of those grown up lady films, for mature women on tampon adverts who had wine on Thursday evenings from M&S and wore heels practically everywhere. My perception of this film and the audience it caters towards has changed dramatically after watching it and it kills me inside to imagine the popularity and praise such a film got back in 2006, an extremely harsh time for women and the perception of beauty standards.

The world was still getting into the internet, magazines and runways were adjusting to the 2000s and the way that women were viewed in the media was a lot more damaging than today. Former supermodels such as Kate Moss and Cara Delevingne have since come out and talked about their experiences in the modelling industry and how it creates unhealthy stereotypes for women and young girls to abide by. The ‘size 0’ and ‘heroin chic look’ has since been banished from the modelling industry, two expectations that were pretty popular in the late and early 2000s for models. We are witnessing a revolution for the modelling industry as they (very) slowly but surely are beginning to introduce more plus sized, diverse and unfiltered faces for their campaigns. We can breathe easier knowing that the only way is forward for the fashion industry and that very little people will stand for the mid 2000s ideologies that were pumped out to the entire world.

Back to 2006 and one of the year’s most popular films with female audiences; The Devil Wears Prada, starring the likes of Anne Hathaway, Meryl Streep and Emily Blunt. The film follows Andy Sachs (Anne Hathaway) , a wannabe journalist newly welcomed into New York City and is currently on the hunt for her career. She manages to land a job at Runway Magazine, a large, corporate editorial magazine for women’s fashion run by the one and only Miranda Priestly (Meryl Streep), a devious, beautiful and highly successful media personality and editor.

So far so good as we have two tangible and likeable female leads. The opening sequence (one of the most important in any film) had me eye rolling a touch in the way it depicted women of the 2000s and seemingly created the idea that there are two sides to women.

The five or so minute montage consisted of the various women who are models at Runway, getting ready for their long day of work, right from being undressed to fully made up. This was supposed to be a contrast to how our lead Andy gets ready, barely throwing on any makeup and throwing on whatever she wants whilst heading out the door. When you put the way women choose to be perceived in the world at an opposition, you create this divide between women and further place their worth on how they choose to look. The stereotype of a ‘pick me girl’ arises from this opposition, a girl who actively shames other women for choosing to be more openly feminine in their appearance and actions. The intelligence and respect of women should not be based on how they look when they show up, rather how they BEHAVE when they show up. I just thought this montage was a little unnecessary and if anything, introduced us into a misogynistic world of 2006 really well. One point for accuracy, no points for progression. Everyone gets dressed in the morning and (often) everyone wears underwear, showing this activity on screen didn’t really add much to the film besides the pressures of women to look a certain way.

Once Andy arrives at the company, she is rudely introduced by Emily (Emily Blunt) Miranda’s current right hand. Now the entire character of Emily is again, another concept to this film that is left better in the 2000s; a mean girl and a VERY mean one at that. This world is already a patriarchal mess for women like Andy and Emily and having women join the bandwagon in showing an oppressive side to those who don’t conform to the female societal norms is non progressive. It was almost as if Emily was an investor into the patriarchy by behaving abhorrently towards her from the way she dressed as opposed to her actual character and qualifications. Please, let's not have women against women based on their desirability in the eyes of the male gaze. Emily has already become a clear victim to her own policies, as her lack of eating is laid bare to us as an entertaining gimmick as opposed to a cause of concern. Last time I checked making fun of eating disorders wasn’t chic.

Now the argument whether Miranda Priestly is also an investor in the patriarchy is a little clouded. Through her mean spirit and harsh words towards Andy and her appearance, she comes across as someone who is doing more harm than good by joining the patriarchal view of women in the 2000s. I found myself having to bite my tongue a little instead of calling her bitch because that would be letting my internalized misogyny get the best of me.

Even though Miranda is tough talking and spiteful, I really can’t blame her for it as a character. She is one of the strongest female characters I’ve come across on screen for both her strengths and flaws. Had such a character been placed in a Roman Army or Italian Mob, my views of her would have stayed the same. She is a strong woman with enough versatility and strength to face any situation. The way she asserts her authority in a funny and patronizing way is hard not to fall in love with and any woman who asserts their authority and relishes in their own power is already technically against the patriarchy. Her industry may be patriarchal, however her spirit is not and the things she does in order to keep her status is admirable. I found myself comparing her to the way a man maneuvers the world (again, internalised misogyny, working on it) which in some parts is the reason there should be more Miranda Priestly's in films. Instead of comparing strong women to men, with more strong female leads we’ll start comparing these women to other women.

Thank god for the zilch, overly graphic sex scenes in this film (maybe cuz the screenplay was written by a woman, but who knows-), however their is one character I’d like to address that rubbed me the wrong way and spoke for a big hole in the modelling/fashion industry that still exists today. Christian Thompson (Simon Baker) is this handsome, 40 summit journalist who meets Andy at a social event for a fashion designer. I admit he was charming in his demeanour but also overtly creepy at points. Andy and Christian bump into each other in Paris where he leads her down a street (his hand on THAT part of the elbow) and kisses Andy without consent, knowing she has a boyfriend. “Oh, it's just a movie” you’re probably thinking, but yet I couldn’t help but cringe at such a thing. Movies are a reflection of our society after all. He kisses her several more times until Andy gives in. If we’re trying to get films to reach audiences and affect them in some way, encouraging consent should be one of those things. Depicting such a madness on screen makes my rolls right to the back of my head and speaks for the entire society behind the modelling and fashion industry; a society run by men who can do what they like with or without consent. Though the wellbeing of Andy wasn’t in imminent danger, I felt Christian Thompson as a character to be a representation of those in the fashion industry who take advantage of women because of their status and so called connections. No more of this please!

Andy has a transformation a little later into the film, a concept that we thought had been left in the patriarchy trash can, but quickly emerged in Debby Ryan’s Insatiable (2018). Lasting only 2 seasons from 2018-19, the Netflix series followed Patty Bladell who gets afforded niceties and respect after she loses weight and becomes a “hot girl”. The show was created by Lauren Guissis based on an article about a (male) Pageant Guru who tells women how they can become pageant queens for a small fee...EW. The fact that such a show got picked up in a day and age that was beginning to open up to body positivity and more inclusivity in the media, the show was insensitive to its current surroundings.

This same “ugly duckling” transformation isn’t something new or old apparently, with the one in The Devil Wears Prada being one of the least progressive moments of the film. Now that Andy looked like she could work at Runway, somehow she was working a lot better at Runway and was being afforded privileges she didn’t get before her new haircut. Is this the message we want to send out to the world anymore? That in order to get a one up in life, all you need is new clothes and better make up skills? Of course, glo ups can be fun but the purest, healthiest form of a glow up comes from within.

A tiring cliché that “beauty comes from within” but one that makes a lot of sense and something I experienced in my mid teens. Having never experienced male validity or the feeling of desirability, once I began to believe I was beautiful on the outside, others began to notice, because they could read the confidence and self worth I had from my outward energy. An energy that can’t be felt beyond a face tuned Instagram picture. Beauty can be an energy as well as a look and had Andy embraced this more and rejected the passing comments people made at her, it would have taught us that one doesn’t have to conform in order to be respected. On the other hand, I don’t want to shame nor blame her as conforming to societal standards as for most women ,it’s an act of survival, to secure their places in certain spaces, with Andy being no expectation. A sad reality that a woman may have to wear makeup in order to stay in people’s good books, but a choice that should be discussed as opposed to shamed.

I truly could go on and on about the harmful stereotypes and implications of The Devil Wears Prada and it's sad, yet true similarities to the real fashion industry of today and the mid 2000s. It was and still is cut throat, with many models developing eating disorders, low self esteem issues and even substance abuse due to the mounting pressures of trying to reach perfection. A perfection that doesn’t exist seeing as the fashion and modelling industry alters their version of perfection every single day. I’m glad that by the end of the film Andy ditched Runway in favour of living a more healthy and truthful lifestyle, one that wasn’t swapped in ridiculous pressures and the threat to conform or else leave. Which she did in the end. Miranda isn’t a devil, but a force to be reckoned with in a world that is ready to make her feel lesser than herself because of her gender. I hope to never see such a film like The Devil Wears Prada, ever again, in a world that no longer needs this sort of film to represent the strengths of women. It's best left in 2006 and hopefully you’ve learnt something you’ve never thought about from this in depth analysis.

#the devil wears prada #meryl streep #anne hathaway #emily blunt #2000s movies #fashion #fashionindustry #badmovies #cinema #feminisim #everyday feminism

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werevulvi · 4 years

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I'm going back to labeling myself a trans man, and it's not just for practical reasons. Let’s dive into that for a moment.

Well, first off, I don't want to medically detransition, as it turns out. I explored that option upon recovering from my past traumas and cleaning up my internalised misogyny, 2 years ago, but ultimately I'm still dysphoric about my sex, and feel... I dunno, spiritually soothed, perhaps, by continuing looking like a man, and I wish to go back to living socially as a man as well. I don't hate being female, not at all. It's wonderful to be of the female sex, and I can appreciate it now, but only on the condition that I get to look physically masculine and pass as male. That's my aesthetic, and it's my literal appearance. So I'm embracing that too.

However, I don't feel good trying to force myself into the social role of womanhood, what "woman" means to almost everyone I meet in my day to day life. That social expectation of me to look a certain way, act a certain way, want certain things, dislike other things, and so on. That is what I need to take a step away from. People seem to be incapable of respecting transition choices the moment I call myself a woman, which hurts. I understand that 99% of my social dysphoria is literally just wanting to escape misogyny, but so what? That's just common sense, to wanna escape/avoid misogyny when being female. Don't blame me (or any other female) for wanting to get away from that. Blame men.

Genderwise though... I don't know what even is "gender" but for me, I'd say it's a strong inner desire to live as male and look like a man with male sex characteristics - or in blunt wording for those of you who are wilfully obtuse around here: a wish to immitate maleness and live as a fake man. Clear enough? I hope so. I don't "feel male" or anything dumb like that. I just wanna look as if I'm male and let others believe that's what I am, which comes with no effort at this point in my transition. I just exist as I am, and people read me as male. And I love just existing, comfortably like that. Not shaving, or monitoring my voice, or anything.

And by "living as a man" I mean talk about myself as a (trans) man, going by a male name (whenever I decide for one, although I have a suggestion in mind, however I will keep my original female names as middle names), telling my friends and family that I'd wish to go by he/him pronouns again, and just... kinda ride on that sorta wave. I don't mean acting some kinda role of stereotypical masculinity or forcing my ass into male only spaces. Except for bathrooms, for what should be obvious practical reasons, considering my appearance. I'd rather be an illusion among men then than freak women out. I still prefer gender neutral bathrooms whenever I can access them, but that's not always an option. Such is life.

I feel good simply thinking of myself as a man, even though I know I'm not literally male, and don't particularly want to be anymore. I'm transmale, and that's what I want to be, so it makes sense to call myself a trans man then. It calms and soothes me to just allow those feelings to exist within me, and nurturing them. As soon as I did, a feeling of relief snuck up on me, and a couple of days ago it hit me very strongly. Somehow I became a trans man in denial at 9 years into my transition. Because that's how much I hate being trans and wish I wasn't. But I've always known that's not something I can beat out of myself. Yet, that's exactly what I tried to do. I don't know how that happened, but I need to stop suppressing how much I want to live as a man. Which isn't a bad thing to do. I cannot believe that's bad when I no longer hate or try to escape my femaleness.

Because I wanna be openly trans and hold onto my lesbian label. Because I'm still a homosexual female, no matter what I call my gender, and that is an important aspect of me. I only have the capacity to be attracted to people of my own bio sex, including other trans men. My girlfriend is also a lesbian, and honestly I love her for that (among many other things, of course.) I know that she's attracted to me because I'm female and have a pussy, and I'm totally fine with that. I'm gonna keep my pussy (no SRS ever), I'm not dysphoric about it anymore, and I love that she loves it too. It makes sex so much better, lol.

I feel honoured being the only 'man' my girlfriend could love. It's not at all "invalidating" that she's not into bio men, because I honour my female sex in my own ways, and I wouldn't want to be loved for something I am not. I'm proudly female and FtM, embracing both those aspects of my transitioned body and my trans life. Although I still need to work more on accepting myself for being trans, it's getting better fast by just being very kind to myself and allowing myself to feel.

I'd say I'm a bit of a cusper between femme lesbian and trans man, as odd as that may seem.

I wish I could be a butch, because I look up to butches a lot, but honestly? I'd rather date them, and I only feel natural being on the receiving end of chivalry, so I'm a natural femme. Being both feminine and sex dysphoric is and has always been very confusing and difficult for me, but it doesn't have to be. I can just be a feminine, lesbian trans man and not give a shit. Because why not? (Truscum, don't even bother answering that question, it's rhetorical.) So yes, I happily encourage my girlfriend to hold onto her lesbian label as well. We are a lesbian couple for as long as we're together, and I want for us to stay that way. But yes, we are also straight-passing, which I quite like.

Because of reconnecting with my transsexualism, I will (when I get the energy to) unfollow radfem blogs that lack basic respect for transitioned people (I may bypass the occasional misgendering as well as some trolling, but calling trans people gross and mutilated is not okay and I've thoroughly had enough of it) and try to clean up what I reblog in the future. I'm still gender critical and radfem, but not that ass-deep in it anymore.

Also, if any other radfem/gender critical FtM's just so happen to stumble upon this, I'd love to hear from you if you have any advice on how to balance being radfem/GC with being trans. I may be an idiot, but I've been fumbling in the dark about this and shooting myself in my own feet for far too long. I still barely even know how it's possible to be both trans and GC, lol. Basically how to gender without gender?

#ftm #trans man #radfem #gender critical #former detrans #actually dysphoric #lesbian #ftm lesbian #cusper #i just wanna be true to myself #and live as happily as i can with my dysphoria

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threewaysdivided · 4 years

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I appreciate the response. Yeah, among other adjustments, had the plot been handled a little differently, I feel like Sam’s relationship with her parents could have evolved into something like that of Danny and Jazz and their parents. And don’t get me wrong; I still like Sam, too.

(In reference to this post and follow-up ask.)

Good to hear from you again 😊

I think there were a lot of things across the board that could have been tweaked or edited to improve the integrity of the series. If I had to boil down the problem with DP to a single point I’d probably say it’s that the most interesting parts of the show are the characters/world/implications but the writers (or some of them anyway - I suspect there might have been some conflict between Hartman, the lead writers and the execs’) wanted certain plots, aesops and gags, and chose to brute-force them in regardless of whether they actually worked with what was already there. Basically, it lacks consistency and internal logic.

For Sam in particular I think there are a few things that could have been handled better:

First one’s more a general complaint at the show and might light a fire under my notes but heck lets go there anyway but the writing has kind of a sexist bent that really doesn’t fit the characters or need to be there. Considering how much Danny and Jack are shown to love and respect Maddie and Jazz there’s no way they’d call their involvement in Genius Magazine “the swimsuit edition”. Paulina might be traditionally feminine but “She surrendered her individuality for a boy! I’m so proud of her!” is not a line that any human girl in the history of human girls would say unironically. There’s also a few too many jokes that basically boil down to “male character is emasculated/ vulnerable/ likes feminine-coded things, hyuk hyuk hyuk”.

I’m bringing this up not just because they’re gross cheap gags but because for Sam specifically, this pervasive low-key contempt for women and femininity in the writing, especially the tendency to portray almost every non-sympathetic girl her age as one-note, brainless boy-crazy cliches that she can’t connect with, really does not help her character. I would have loved to see more genuine interaction between Sam and the other girls, even if it most of it was Kim Possible-Bonnie Rockwaller style antagonistic rapport. We could have seen her develop some kind of tenuous connection with one of the A-listers, or even just have a secondary-female-character to be cordial towards - kind of like Mikey is for Danny and Tucker. Hold up, outside of Valerie, Star and Paulina are there any named secondary girls at Casper High? Sam doesn’t seem to have a single female friend in the show and considering how vocally judgemental she is, it can almost read like she’s rejecting them outright for being girls, which really undercuts attempts to make her seem feminist. (I mentioned it in a past tag but this feels like an early-2000s-male-writer mistake of equating Female Empowerment™ with the ability to tear down other women and belittle traditional femininity - which isn’t so much Feminism as it is Internalised Misogyny.) Even just mixing up the pairings to put her with Star instead of Kwan in Lucky in Love would have helped.

I’d have also liked to see more awareness of and consistency in the conflict between her activism and her wealth. It kind of undercuts the significance of her activism when you realise that she’s wealthy enough to make these choices with little cost to herself; it’s much easier to go vegan or buy renewable/ recyclable /sustainable /fair-trade when price isn’t an issue, especially if you also have serving staff to offset the time cost. Once you notice this it makes her activism feel more tokenistic, and also like she doesn’t really understand her own privilege when she tries to push her agendas onto the school/ her classmates without considering why they mightn’t be able to do so as easily. It’s also weird because the source of her family’s wealth is a cellophane-toothpick-wrapper (i.e. something that basically produces litter) but she still seems very comfortable enjoying the material benefits despite her pro-eco anti-consumerism sentiments. It’s bizarre that she’s more concerned with the social consequence of ‘fake friends’ than the ethics of capitalism. It can come off a bit “do as I say, not as I do”.

It would have been nice for the show to give more screen time to reinforcing that Sam is aware of that conflict and is making an active effort to hold to her principles even at the cost of personal comfort; maybe showing some unease at the source of her wealth, trying to live below her means and only spend up on ethical/ eco-friendly/ sustainable products, op-shopping or hand-making her goth accessories, going out of her way to re-use or re-purpose things even if buying a new one would be ‘better’, actually showing or referencing her doing substantial hands-on activities (e.g. going off-screen or taking the boys to do tree-planting, litter pickups, soup kitchens, animal-shelter work etc). Just something to help make it clearer that she genuinely cares and isn’t just doing the low-mess lip-service activities because she enjoys indulging in the image of Wokeness™.

These things would have helped regardless of how her family was written but let’s hop back on topic and talk about them. I don’t have any prescriptive preference but let’s spitball a few different options and how they could have played:

#1 Sam’s parents don’t respect her interests and want her to fit a mold

In this case I’d make it that they don’t really pay attention or show much caring for who Sam really is as a person; their image of and interactions with her are more of a fantasised version of the ‘perfect’ daughter they want, they make very little effort to encourage her actual interests and are perhaps restrictive about what they let her do in the few moments when they do bother paying close attention (you might compare to some versions of Tim Drake’s Parents from DC Comics). Classist, overly image-conscious, snobby and superficial.

This would be the most sympathetic portrayal of her character without changing it very far from how it is in DP canon - helping contextualise why Sam is so fiercely defensive of her autonomy, why she pushes so hard when trying to get her opinions across and why she’s so judgemental of rich people and disdainful towards classic femininity - even possibly explaining her more hypocritical/ manipulative/ entitled traits as learned behaviours. It would also give her more legitimate reason to be less empathetic towards others - after all even if they have struggles and family troubles it’s still better than what she’s dealing with (Danny’s parents may not be attentive but hey, at least they love him for himself, right?)

For this version I’d probably put her arc around growing past the “suffering olympics” model of viewing other people’s pain, but also in her finding family in Danny/Tucker/her Grandmother’s circle of connections, learning how to have healthy power-balance and communication in her relationships with others (aka: getting over her hypocrisy and realising that assertiveness is about communicating that “I matter, and so do you”) and pulling away from her parents’ influence - maybe even living with Ida a lot of the time.

#2 Sam’s parents are well-intentioned but overbearing

For this one, Sam’s parents would genuinely want the best for her… only they have an overly old-fashioned and restrictive view of what “the best” is and are a bit set-in-their-ways. They’d probably view “hippies” and “goth” stuff as “dangerously rebellious hooligan-activities” and likely to be somewhat patronising about Sam’s passion for it being “just a phase”. They’d be worried about her hanging around “the Fenton Kid” and “the Foley Kid” both because Danny’s parents are kind of irresponsible screwballs about safety but also because they put a lot of value in image due to their belief in social connections being the way to get ahead. Them pushing Sam towards classic femininity and specific activities would be less about disrespecting her identity and more about their overly narrow view of “success” and worrying that she’s going to end up losing valuable opportunities and “wasting her life” if she keeps on down her current path.

This would still give Sam more sympathetic context for her views on femininity and pushiness about self-expression.

Personally I think the arc I’d like to see here is one themed around responsible/considerate assertiveness and valuing alternative perspectives. Sam coming to realise her own hypocrisy - that she can’t push her views onto others while complaining about her parents doing the same - developing more sympathy for Danny as she realises that he’s in a similar position with Jack’s insistence that he’ll inherent Fentonworks and his parents’ narrow-mindedness about ghosts, interacting with other girls and seeing their perspective, learning how to assert her opinion while making allowances for others’ (maybe an alternative version where she connects with Star in Lucky in Love and, after Aragon’s defeat in Beauty Marked, Sam still says she personally thinks it’s dumb but then steps down and lets Star win because she understands that Star values it), and getting her Grandma’s help in convincing her parents to widen their perspective while still responding to their concerns.

(This one has the overall kindest message and I think I like it best).

#3 Sam’s parents are trying and Sam’s actually the problem

This one is the one that’s the least sympathetic to Sam. Her parents still don’t get the Goth/Activist thing and they have some concerns about safety but they understand that it makes her happy and they’re okay with it so long as she’s not getting into trouble or mixing up with anyone that could hurt her. Them pushing her towards more feminine/optimistic things is less pushing and more trying to encourage some hobbies that offer a bit more common ground. They might have reservations, and they might not always have time, but they would like to be part of their daughter’s life… except for the problem that Sam has wrapped herself up in a teen-drama persecution complex and got it into her head that they “won’t accept her” are “pushing her to be someone else” and “don’t understand” so there’s no point even trying to explain or connect. In this one Ida isn’t taking sides on purpose but she ends up accidentally enabling Sam a little because Sam reminds her of her younger days and she likes spoiling her granddaughter (and doesn’t much care for her daughter-in-law).

In this case Sam’s flaws would be framed much more as flaws born of her making superficial snap judgements, thinking she knows better and being too proud to admit she’s wrong. There would definitely be moments of her coming across as an entitled, privileged holier-than-thou brat who invents problems because she likes feeling sorry for herself, especially early in her arc.

This version of the story would go the hardest on Sam with the general lesson being “you need to respect that other people are people who have their own problems, feelings and needs that are as real and valid as yours”. She’d still have good qualities and Danny and Tucker would still obviously like and value her but there’d also be times of strain where they don’t want to hurt her feelings but are clearly getting worn out with the nonsense. At its worst, maybe a “you’re like mustard. Great in small quantities, but a lot of you is…a lot” type confrontation.

I’d also give the secondary cast the most fleshing out, agency and sympathetic-ness here, and have beats where Sam has to realise that they’re lot more complex than her 2D stereotyped view of them and are dealing with actual serious problems to which hers are largely non-issues by comparison. I’d probably play Dash and Paulina similar to in the fic Alibi (go read it, it’s good) - Dash being gay and performing aggression because toxic masculinity, insecurity, and being terrified of anyone outside the A-listers finding out (still not okay that he’s a bully but at least more understandable), while Paulina is hiding high emotional perceptiveness behind her pretty face and deliberately bearding for him to keep bigoted parents/ teachers off his back. I’d also probably have a subplot in an alternate Life Lessons where Sam follows Valerie around because jealous/possessive and, like Danny, ends up realising that she’s working two jobs to help her Dad with their financial problems. Basically she’d be getting hit with the Reality Stick a lot.

There’d also be more instances of Sam getting directly called out by the other girls. Fleshing them out as people and showing that their dislike is less superficiality and more because she unfairly judges and antagonises them all the time. Giving them more agency in Beauty Marked and have them be direct about “we know you’re just here to be smug about how much ‘Better’ you are but have you considered that we’re doing this for ourselves and actually enjoy it?”. Having Paulina be less “tee hee I am indeed a Witch” in Parental Bonding and more “Ugh fine, fine, I don’t really like him that much but you were being so obviously Jealous and Judge-y and I figured if I played a little you might actually step up. But fine, if you’re sure. Here’s your necklace back, I’ll let your dorky ‘friend’ down tomorrow. But pro-tip? You like someone you gotta go for it - otherwise don’t complain when your boy-toy gets taken by someone who actually means it.” (Still petty, but emotionally intelligent pettiness, which… not really much better, but at least more interesting.) A lot more of Sam realising that she’s not a particularly good feminist and that she’s no more entitled to Danny’s affections than anyone else.

To be honest, while I could say the most about this version and there’s a lot of potential drama there it’s the one I like the least because it means canonising my least favourite proto-abusive bad-faith narcissistic reading of Sam, casting her as an almost-villain and essentially punishing her over and over until she character develops into a decent human being. Sure it’s an important message about how you treat others but it’s not a very nice or kind story and while there might be the odd fic that makes it cathartic I can’t say I’m a huge fan.

Again, if I had to pick, I’d probably go with something like #2.

But there we go. Another thrilling instalment in the “overly long posts about Sam Manson” saga.

Hope you enjoyed it and thanks for stopping by!

#Danny Phantom #Sam Manson #Character Analysis #Storytelling suggestions #the mustard quote is from John Green's Turtles All The Way Down BTW (haven't read but heard it and thought it was a good turn of phrase)#there was so much potential in this show #they were really not good at writing girls in particular #cw: mentions of abuse #cw: sexism discussed #anonymous #3WD Answers

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gallantgautier · 4 years

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Why do you think Sylvain is an instant recruit for F!Byleth (whereas he predictably, at least on the surface, isn't for M!Byleth)? Do you think he would have attempted to play her like most other girls he's dated before or is there another motive?

Okay so, a lot of my thoughts on this kinda sorta tiein with the monster of meta I wrote here (regarding Sylvain’s positive traits)and here (regarding his flaws.) I’m not gunna get into the nitty gritty ofthose simply on the basis that they’re linked right there for your readingpleasure – though I’m pretty sure most of you have read those already – but thereare two key factors that come from those essays.

First – Sylvain’s lack of trust in people and how slow he isto form strong bonds with other people.

Second – How much he cares for those close to him and howdeeply his loyalty runs.

These two character traits are the cornerstone of my argumentsregarding the recruitment conditions Byleth has for Sylvain. Let’s talk aboutM!Byleth first, as his conditions reflect these really well.

In order to recruit Sylvain while playing as M!Byleth, you’rerequired to have a C rank in Reason and 25+ Charm, without new game+, thesestats can be somewhat of a hassle to achieve, particularly the Charm stat. Now,we can talk about how these stats are required because they reflect Sylvain’spersonality, he has a budding talent in Reason as well as showing interest inthe subject in his supports with Annette. It could also be argued, possibly,that a solid grasp of Reason shows academic intelligence, much like how havinga high qualification in a subject such as chemistry or physics might give youan upper hand on your resume even if the job you’re applying for isn’t ineither of those fields. Regarding Charm, perhaps Sylvain requires this statbecause he wants to follow someone who is just as charming as he is. So, atsurface level, these stats make sense, he won’t leave the Blue Lions behind forjust anyone, they have to be someone he’d deem worth following.

But when we consider his threat in his B support, then addon how difficult it can be to raise your charm stat so high in the early game,I posit that he intentionally has requirement stats that aren’t easy to obtainon the grounds that he doesn’t particularly want to follow Byleth.

Now, all that said, you’d think the fact that he’s aninstant recruit for F!Byleth blows all that out of the water. Except, it reallydoesn’t.

It’s easy to laugh and joke about how Sylvain will joinF!Byleth for ‘two very big reasons’ (haha) or the fact that she has a prettyface, killer legs, or is just female. But, when we consider that Sylvaindoesn’t even really like the women he flirts with, how much his friendsmean to him and so much other stuff we’ve talked about at length, it seems theinstant recruit itself rather than my previous deductions is what’scontradictory.

Except that isn’t the case either.

Anyone would believe Sylvain would up and leave his Housefor a skirt to chase, especially when that skirt comes in the form of a pair ofvery short shorts belonging to a woman has hot as Byleth, and that’s exactlywhat Sylvain wants you to think. No one would ever question it, and that playsright into his hands so that he can get closer to her in order to make his Bsupport threat.

Yeah.

Now, Sylvain does change his tune by the time the timeskipand his A support rolls around. Despite his flaws, he is a kind andconsiderate man, and eventually Byleth does become someone he cares for,further evidenced in his monastery lines in the Crimson Flower route where wesee how little he thinks of Edelgard and Hubert – he’s clearly there forByleth. (I have other headcannons on this matter, but the game itself doesn’treflect it on the grounds that it has to work no matter who is and who isn’trecruited, so I’ll leave those be.)

Could it be, perhaps, that Sylvain is aware of this ‘darkerside’ of his personality? I think so. I have stated previously that I stronglybelieve that his threat is an echo of a threat made to him by Miklan that hehas internalised, and so I think it’s not so much that he even has adarker side to him that he hides under a carefree mask, more of a deeplyentrenched bitterness that he wishes he could be rid of that, unfortunately,sometimes creeps to the surface and colours his perception. This is why, Ithink – other than game mechanics preventing it – he never makes an attempt onthat threat, even if he meant it at the time.

#ooc #meta #Nin out here enabling my Sylvain recruitment thoughts!#not quite a 2k essay but it's fiiiiine #hotheadhero

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film-clown · 5 years

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Holy shit. So I’ve just watched 13 Reasons Why, season 3.

I know I cry at pretty much everything but god fucking damn, this show hit. It hit in every way possible and it is absolutely their best season. They talked about such important issues in the real world such as ICE and abortion rights, and they carried the sexual assault storyline better than ever. I think, almost every plot line was done very, very well. I’m gonna discuss everything from the show, so spoiler alert if you haven’t watched it.

First and foremost, I’d like everyone to give a huge standing ovation for Devin Druid’s performance this season. I cannot even BEGIN to express the way each and every one of his scenes moved me. They obviously continued the story of his assault by Monty, and they did it damn well. This storyline also very well showed that a person can move on, heal, and better themselves from mistakes they make. Tyler changed, with the help of amazing friends and a support system. I loved it, truly. I’ve seen many comments about how this was the show’s way of making viewers feel bad for a school shooter, and honestly? I’m not going to look at it that way. Second chances are how the world runs, but I’ll get into that later.

Now speaking of Monty... LOOOOOOOOOOOLL

Alright so.. I kinda saw this coming? 💀💀

I mean, kinda. But not really. I feel like as much as people would call Monty’s plotline this season toxic, due to the internalised homophobia, I’m going to choose to look at this as something people genuinely go through.

As a male jock, in high school, it’s a HUGE joke to be gay. Unfortunately, slurs are always thrown around, and even if you aren’t homophobic, the energy that jocks give out about the LGBT+ community will surely make you into that. So honestly? The demonstration of how Monty felt throughout the season when it came to his sexuality was accurate.

Now this little bit is gonna be my soft side talking - don’t attack me for it. The scene in the last episode where Monty finally goes up to the guy from Hillcrest and isn’t a dick to him, I can’t describe how that made me feel. And when Monty’s dad later came to visit him in prison, and spit on his face because he figured out he was gay? That shit made me sad. If you’re gonna spit on his face, do it because of what he did to Tyler. Not because he’s gay. Fuck.

In conclusion, I think Monty had some potential. Some. I don’t think he deserved to die though, and he certainly did not deserve to be blamed for Bryce’s death just because he’s dead.

Jock culture is so toxic. It was strongly established this season with both this plotline and the assault one (gonna get to that later) and I hope the world watches this show and takes some action. I don’t give a fuck what you’ve done in your life, nobody deserves to not love, or be loved.

I really feel bad for Monty to have grown up in such a toxic environment, with a piece of shit homophobic dad and that jock culture. The scene where Winston says, “You can be whoever you want to be” and Monty says “No.. I can’t.” Yeah I’m sorry but that scene broke me.

PSA: Monty’s still a dick. This is just my lil gay self talking.

Also, Timothy Granaderos and Deaken Bluman are so sexy. Thank you for listening.

Now fuck. GOD DAMMIT YO. Tony Padilla’s storyline fucked me up.

As much as I cried half the time, I’m so glad the writers brought up the misuse and abuse of ICE towards POCs in America. It broke my heart into so many pieces when viewers found out that his family had been deported and/or held in detention centres. It is so not fair. And to think that there’s countless families in our real world who are suffering through this shit. :(

I love Tony and Caleb so much. Imagine finding somebody who loves you THAT much. I’m glad that after showing a toxic gay “relationship” (Monty and Winston) they showed something as beautiful as this. Definitely one of the best parts of this season.

Speaking of relationships... wow.

I loved them. Like truly. First of all; the SEXIEST couple I’ve ever seen in any series. Also I think my emotional connection with them is cause they literally came back to each other...

...and they stayed together. Through everything that happened this season, they stuck together (for the most part, lol) and I loved that. The love triangle of Alex, Jessica, and Justin was weird though.

I also really, really loved Jessica’s journey on loving her body again. And treating herself right. It’s good that they brought up female masturbation in this season too, the stigma really needed to be broken. I’m so proud of her 🥺.

Okay and, wow. Justin’s reveal on being a survivor.. my god. One thing that’s really good about this show is, it highlights that men can also be sexually assaulted, or raped. And, that does not make you any less of a man. Society needs that reminder.

Also. I love Justin so much. So so much. But I’ll make a separate post for my man.

The brotherly relation between Justin, Clay, and Zach. My favourite thing to come out of this season. I’m so glad that the realest people in this show found a brother in one another.

The adventure of Justin settling into Clay’s family was a heartwarming thing to watch, as well.

This scene made me cry SO much. Clay coming back from hearing about what happened to Tony’s family, to tell his parents he loves them and making sure he’s thankful that he has them. I love this family so fucking much. It was a true wake up call for me too. I went and sat with my mum after watching this. Even if your relation with your parent(s) is rocky, please never take their place in your life for granted.

Alright. The best fucking scene from this ENTIRE show. All 3 seasons. This scene was: it.

You can watch Part 1 here, and Part 2 here.

I cried start to finish on this one. Viewers also find out that Justin is a survivor, and I.. wow. Fuck. I literally have no words for everything to do with this.

This scene is so important for everyone to watch. It’s important for survivors to watch this to know that they’re not alone. You are never alone. And to those who haven’t been a victim of assault, please stand by those who have. Please support them, fight for them. The justice system is cruel to survivors, and unity within society is what can get us through another day. It can make things better.

Honestly I suck with words. Go watch the scene and hear what Jessica says.

Alright, now it’s time for the most controversial topic of 13 Reasons Why; Bryce Walker.

I’ve seen a lot of people say that the show is shitty for trying to sympathise and make viewers feel bad for Bryce - and I’d like to agree to disagree. Bryce is awful, the fact that he raped so many girls and did such horrible things to so many different people will neither be forgotten, nor forgiven. But I’m gonna choose to look at his plotline in the most positive ways possible.

You cannot forgive a rapist, or an abuser. They aren’t mistakes, they’re somebody’s actions that were intentionally done. But you can choose to let the person learn from it. You can choose to let the person grow, do better. I believe that everyone, no matter who, deserves a second chance. Not a single person in this world is perfect and if people weren’t given second chances, this society would be lifeless. I will choose to believe that Bryce was doing better. I saw a post that said something along the lines of, “It took the loss of his girlfriend, friends, and social status for him to realise that what he did was fucked up.” And I agree. Of course it took that for him to realise. Nobody realises what they’ve truly done until they, themselves, face the consequences for it.

The writers truly did an amazing job on portraying Bryce’s storyline. As problematic as it is, it’s reality, and as Thanos once said, “Reality is often disappointing.” Like, do you know how good you have to be at your job to make viewers FEEL BAD for a rapist? We all knew how horrible Bryce is, yet some of the scenes with him and his mum brought me to tears. I’d also like to give a whole round of applause to Justin Prentice because, wow. That man is damn talented. He did an amazing job this season. Don’t ever forget to separate the actor from their character!

One of the things that really stuck with me from this season is when Ms Baker was brought in for questioning. She said, “Did you know that this department has put more investigative efforts into solving the murder of a convicted rapist, than it ever did for any of his former victims?” And WOW. Did she lie? Did she really fucking lie?? No she didn’t.

Going back to what I said earlier, the justice system is cruel to victims. The way they investigated Bryce’s death vs how they treated Hannah’s case is how things are in real life. It’s really upsetting.

Also, the way they portrayed feminism/the SO club was DISGUSTING. I wish they had done better with that, rather than to carry on the annoying and disrespectful feminist stereotype. Protesting at Bryce’s funeral was so disrespectful.

By the way, wasn’t that Audrey from Scream? LOL

The last topic I wanted to discuss is Ani, but she annoyed me so much that I refuse to put in effort to talk about her. She’s absolutely disgusting for having sex with her friend’s rapist, as well as sticking her nose in business that had nothing to do with her. As Justin once said, “Fuck off, Ani.”

In conclusion,

This show is, and always will remain controversial and problematic. And a lot of people will choose to view it in the most skeptical way possible, rather than to see the points it makes. I definitely agree that this show hasn’t always been the best at portraying certain things - especially in season 1 - but they’re doing better now. This is high school culture (not the part where students are investigating a murder instead of doing homework). This is how the justice system treats rapists vs their victims. These are the struggles of survivors.

AS USUAL, THE SOUNDTRACK SLAPS. Go listen to it, please and thank you. This one is my personal favourite!!

Also, I’m always open to discussing/debating the things I talked about in this post. :)

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moku-youbi · 5 years

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Queer and Proud

Today is the start of the Pride Festival here in Columbus, and as I showered this morning, plans of makeup ideas dancing through my head, hopes of finding some cool merch with my word of choice on it, I was once again sadly reminded of the ridiculous “Queer is a slur” nonsense that I see way too often here on tumblr. Warning that this might get long and rambly.

Young Thursday was wrong about so many things (swearing she wasn’t a feminist because people around her had painted them as crazy, lots of internalised misogyny, claiming to be “colourblind” and not recognising her own racism, buying way too much into gender bullshit) that I look back and cringe so very often. But one thing she said that I still feel very strong to this day is, I hate labels.

At the time, I identified as straight, I guess, if I had to pick a label. It always felt incomplete or disingenuous. It wasn’t that I wasn’t aware of my sexuality or was confused. My older sister had come out as a lesbian when I was a preteen to parents who were open and welcoming. Even before she had they’d been allies, and when people used queer or fag or gay as a slur, I was quick to jump up and fight. I also had a girl friend who’d been questioning and had asked to kiss me, and I’d made out with her a couple of times, and felt awkward about it, definitely no interest in it, just wanted it to be over. I was only attracted to guys, only thought about guys, but I also often said that even though I only wanted to be physically with guys, I could only imagine myself actually in a relationship with, or marrying, a woman. In fact, the idea of some day living with a man sickened me. Saying I was straight somehow felt like a lie.

I dated a few guys very casually but never had a boyfriend, never slept with them, because for some reason my mom’s attempts to be open with my sister and I about sex and encourage us to be safe, had left me terrified of getting pregnant and ruining my life. (That really hadn’t been her intention. She was open and frank, talked about enjoying yourself, and always talked about birth control and condoms and the option of abortion).

Then I met my wife. I’ve told that story before, so I’ll not get into the whole thing now, but of course once we were officially a thing, we started getting labelled lesbians. It made us both uncomfortable, as we’d both previous identified as straight, and we didn’t feel any differently now. We saw one another as exceptions to the rule. We tried making friends with others in the community and felt out of place. Even when we were accepting of the label, we felt othered and judged by the lesbians around us.

For a while, when it came up with new friends, I tried to explain my sexuality, but was met with blank looks, condescending looks, or open judgement and challenges. People telling me it was internalised homophobia, which was so fucking ridiculous, but I actually bought into it for a while, and then finally, resignedly, accepted and said, “Okay, I guess I’m a lesbian,” and sat down and shut up. Even though every time I said it, it felt like a lie.

In the 90s and early aughts, there weren’t the distinctions there are now, or at least little teenage me wasn’t aware of them. All the varying degrees of sexual interest, romantic interest, and where one might fall on the spectrum of gender. Even now, I have difficulty saying what to do with them. In a lot of ways I do think I am near the asexual end of things, but any time I think of using that label, it feels so wrong I actually have a physical feeling of revulsion using it (please don’t take this to mean I feel that way about ace people, just that it doesn’t feel right for me). It’s similar to the feeling I have about calling myself bi or pan, which also seem like they should fit me, but just *don’t*. I think if I hadn’t been so aggressively socialised as a girl, I’d stray towards non binary.

So...if I were to try to label myself now, with all these new scales and terms, I guess I’d have to say I’m heterosexual (in that I am always attracted and interested in sex with men, but REALLY don’t want to be in a relationship with one), panromantic demisexual (in that I only have attraction towards, and interest in sex with other sexes/genders than men, after forming romantic attraction to them, but believe I could fall in love with anyone regardless of gender/sex) tending towards asexual (in that I’m uncomfortable talking about sex or thinking about actually having sex, and prioritise most other things in my life over sex, and generally only engage in it when the other party wants to), female identifying, but really okay if someone were to call me he or they (though given my physical form that never happens).

And how do I explain that without starting a whole conversation and revealing personal details that make me uncomfortable, and frankly, are not people’s business? Honestly, even typing the paragraph above makes me feel super uncomfortable with the amount of information I shared regarding myself and sexual preference and thoughts about sex. I shouldn’t have to have these discussions, but the people who want to take queer from me don’t seem to understand.

When I started getting more involved in the LGBTQA community again, and saw other folks using queer, I can’t quite put into words how I felt, like finally finding the place I fit. It was relief, after over two decades of feeling confused, misunderstood, and forced into boxes by other people. It let me celebrate what I am in all my diversity without having to explain or clarify or expose more about myself than I feel comfortable doing.

So no, you don’t get to take it from me. I will fight with my last breath. I’m queer, and you don’t get to give it back to the bullies. When you try, you become a bully yourself. I’m sure many of you will, like me, look back on yourselves insisting this, and feel embarrassed and ashamed at realising you were on the wrong side.

#queer pride

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discyours · 5 years

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Okay this isn't supposed to come off as rude or accusatory at all, I am genuinely curious. Just curious. 1. Wouldn't dating lesbians/being attractive to lesbians make you dysphoric? 2. Don't you think that once (if) you transition, your gf won't be attracted to you anymore? Some of these may not be accurate but I'm new to your blog and I'm confused.

Those are totally understandable questions, don’t worry about seeming rude.

Being attractive to lesbians does make me dysphoric. But so does being attractive to bi women (or theoretically straight women, but you know). I am uncomfortable with my body and my body being in any way seen by other people, including and especially if they’re perceiving it positively, feels bad. If nothing else it confronts me with its existence, which then reminds me of all the things I hate about it.

It’d make sense to think that this would be much worse with a lesbian who would presumably be attracted to my female sex characteristics, but I’m not sure about that. I’ve been in not-quite-relationships with bi women who constantly affirmed my masculinity and the fact that they saw me as male. One actually said that she kept forgetting I was trans, and I don’t think she was lying to make me feel good about myself. She’d genuinely be taken aback every time I said something that would remind her that I didn’t have a dick and I don’t really have the words for how bad that felt. I used to firmly believe that I would be the least dysphoric dating someone who is attracted to men, but now I realise that having a partner who also feels that your body is a mismatch is the last thing you need when you’re already struggling with it yourself (not implying that all bi women think this way by the way).

I’m also nowhere near done working through my internalised homophobia and I’m doing so very slowly. A lot of the overall discomfort I have with women being attracted to me is undoubtedly connected to that and some of the discomfort I have with my body itself may be too. Maybe once I’m further along I’ll realise that actually lesbians do make me way more dysphoric than bi women, or vice versa - but right now I don’t want to let assumptions about the permanence of my discomfort drive the way I deal with it.

As for transition, I can’t medically transition so I doubt that that will be a problem. If I do find a way to medically transition and end up choosing to though (I highly doubt that I will as I’ve worked very hard to make my peace with not doing so) it just depends on the person. I know I’ve crushed on some trans men even after T and top surgery (I usually don’t talk about this to avoid making people dysphoric so I’m really sorry) despite not being attracted to males. Crushes are obviously different than actually having a complete, fulfilling and healthy relationship, but I don’t think it’s something you can really make a blanket statement about. I don’t currently have a gf and the woman I’m talking to atm isn’t sure about her sexuality, so we’ll see ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#anon #dysphoria

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hazzabeeforlou · 5 years

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10 Songs I’m Obsessed With

Thanks for the tag Phoenix @horsegirlharry (sadly I am woefully incapable of only doing female artists as my pop consumption is sadly under-developed) but here’s what I’ve been plugging into the old headphones lately :)

1. A Case of You - Joni Mitchell Always and forever a sucker for religious imagery, “you’re in my blood like holy wine” makes actual chills run down my spine. Just... that the yearning and the holiness and the beauty of being in love, being obsessed, being consumed and consuming someone else that much is intoxicating makes me love Joni’s metaphors all the more. Also the arch of the melody makes me swoon so.

2. Lovin’ You - Minnie Riperton As many of you know I grew up in a very religious household and didn’t listen to ANY music growing up, save Christmas albums. Not even classical, just because it wasn’t something my parents were familiar with. But my dad had been a hippy before being ‘saved’ into Christianity, and as we drove strait through Chicago at 4 am this past holiday break, he puts on THIS SONG, telling me she was one of his favorites back in the day. Oddly, I have discovered many old artists and found that they used to be his favorites too. But we don’t talk about feelings, or love, or music like this, except at 4am, because religion doesn’t let you say “and when we... oooo...I’m more in love with you.” So of course now I’m obsessed with this, also it’s probably the most beautiful ode to love I’ve ever heard, it’s fairies and softness and wildflowers and summer and magic.

3. thank u, next - Ariana Grande I really don’t usually pay much attention to her, she’s like a peripheral pop artist to my taste, but this song bangs. And also it’s so positive. We should be grateful for those people we’ve had a chance to love, chance to grow from. it’s a bop, and an important one.

4. Pink - Janelle Monáe This song makes me deeply uncomfortable in the best way, because like, internalised homophobia, yet the more I listen to it the more it sort of breaks down my walls of “oh my gosh she’s talking about sex with another woman.” It’s claiming and powerful and raw and really, really fucking hot.

5. HEAVEN - Troye Sivan “Without losing a piece of me, how do I get to heaven, without changing a part of me, how do I get to heaven.” This is pretty much my fic baby, Promise in the Sky, summed up in a song and I find myself just playing it on repeat whenever I get nervous or upset or worry about the future because it’s massively wonderful to hear someone else that *gets it.* The slight delay of the downbeats, the fading, the hesitance, the un-sure wibble-wobble of the music, it’s all so precise and pristine. I really just enjoy the fuck out of this one.

6. Ghost Town - Adam Lambert After just recently listening to the whole The Original High album, this melody keeps sticking in my head. Gosh its imagery? “I tried to believe in God and James Dean” like, mood. MOOD. I’ve always loved Adam’s music. He was the first ever gay singer I saw. In my teens I was allowed to watch American Idol for some reason, and that’s the first place I heard any pop songs. I remember downloading Adam’s AI album on i-tunes. It was my first record. I still love him so so much.

7. Good Years - ZAYN This song makes me cry. It’s so beautiful, so painful, massively nostalgic and hard. I think we’ve all looked back at things and thought, did I waste that time in my life? With those people? With those choices? Did I grow, or learn, or is it all just hurt? And knowing Zayn’s struggles with anxiety, knowing the racism and pain he endured whilst being part of that money-making machine, I can imagine him questioning everything, wondering, was it worth it? I hope somehow the love and healing he deserves finds him.

8. Just Like You - Louis Tomlinson This isn’t on here by way of it just being by Louis, but because I honestly find it so soothing. I love his voice, and I love the message of the song, and I more than love the day it was released and the lyric video accompanying it. Louis is brilliant and he makes my heart swell with pride.

9. Somebody to Love - Queen This is my singing in the car at the TOP OF MY LUNGS song. It’s everything. Freddie is everything. I gotta get out of this prison cell, someday I’m gonna be free....

10. Home - One Direction This is my number 1 comfort blanket. It feels like someone holding you close and whispering in your ear, it’s alright, I’m beside you, you’ll be okay. Some days you just need that, and I’ve needed it, um, a LOT lately. I love this song so very fucking much.

That was HORRIBLY long I’m so so sorry, um... please only play if you want to! I’ll tag @newleafover @seasurfacefullofclouds @metal-eye and @twopoppies

#gosh this ALSO turned into a personal essay I am in my feels today I guess #I feel like this list should be more inventive #but honestly this is what's on my repeat playlist so... honestly over looking cool I guess lolllll #That being said I did make a new year's goal to listen to more artists! I find it hard sometimes with the amount of music I have to LEARN #and sometimes I don't want to hear any more musical notes in a day haha #but send me suggestions if you have them! I'm always up for new songs

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herbprince · 7 years

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tw/// WORD VOMIT, OVERSHARING (i talked a lot using binary gender terms and am possibly experiencing internalised homophobia, also talked about porn, referred to myself as a lesbian for a sec but i caught myself, possible self-deprivation idk i hate myself) so...uhh...this is my boyfriend. he's super sweet and cares about me and he's my best friend. but, it's kinda weird for me. i've struggling with my sexuality lately so this is gonna be a like rant post but also look at my boi, isn't he cute??? i have never really genuinely had feelings for 'boys'. like it's only been sexual (meaning me secretly watching gay porn and not telling anyone about it) but like i don't think i'd marry a 'man'. those are thoughts i've had ever since i came out as lesbian. i was very adamant about being attracted to 'women'. if anyone would make a joke about me liking 'men' (like in a family situation sometimes i used to hear 'your husband is going to be so lucky to have you' or 'gay? i thought you were in love with justin bieber?' nope. ew. never a penis ever. during the two years i attended high school, i really started to get to know myself. i knew i liked 'girls' and i had also realised i'm a boy and that was like cool for a bit. eventually i was able to come out to my family and everyone's on board and i'm definitely transitioning which is all i've wanted since i was 15. realising i was a boy and getting everyone to respect pronouns really gave me a lot of confidence. i mean i still hate myself but at least i hate myself as my genuine self and not hating my genuine self but also hating my self for 'living a lie' identifying as female. i've been comfortable with my voice (still pre-t) and being seen in public without internally constantly being like 'you look like a lesbian, you inferior pig/everyone sees you as 'female' but like one of the biggest things i've noticed is that i'm more comfortable painting my nails and wearing makeup which is something i wouldn't even feel comfortable doing as a lesbian. coming out as trans has made me feel more like myself and a little more confident. but i feel a lot more comfortable with people assuming i'm a gay boy (and as of recent being a gay boy) than being an open lesbian (/closeted transkid) and having anyone be aware that im looking up cute lil twink boys. like no one would believe me if i told them i was fantasising about topping a cute twink. i would be like accused for being a straight girl and lying about it (my mum did this to me). i'm honestly just super gay and will only watch homosexual videos (idk if there's nb porn id love to see it but i also don't want nb people to become fetishised.) so after all that shpeal, here comes my point. when i was identifying as lesbian, no one could ever know i watched twink porn. like if someone like made a joke about me liking 'men' i go into defensive mode and be like 'i don't like dick. dick is fucking disgusting. what gives you the audacity to even assume that?' liking dick was something i was not about or generally interested in. but now, i couldn't confidently tell you that i don't like 'men'. i still haven't experienced any genuine feelings for cis 'men', in fact, i despise them (or like i might have a 'type' for cis guys i can tolerate.) i know i could care less about anyone's genitalia as long they keep them clean. trans 'women' are 'women' regardless of gentalia. i also know that i am very attracted to gender non conforming people and some of those individuals have penises. so it's not like i can't tolerate a penis. my problem is that my brain is also trying to justify that dating 'him' is okay because he's afab and nonbinary. but like i know none of that makes a difference because his gender identity is valid and his that i cannot change. and i know that people are gay, and trans people don't always identify as hetero (me being one of them) and there are rlly cute gay trans guys out there, but like my brain just can't apply it. like it's cool for everyone else to do that but like my brain says i'm not allowed and punishes me. i know i love him regardless of his gender or his genitals. i love him cos he's the only person who hasn't abused me (knock on wood) and he treats me like a valid human being and he's just the most wonderful boi....i just.... why is me being attracted to a boy giving me immense anxiety and crashing my brain? like why can't i just be okay with this? i'd be totally supportive of anyone else...so like why do i feel like i'm in trouble or like i'm doing something wrong? why isn't it okay for me to have a boyfriend? i literally identify as queer romantically and like am always aware that it could happen but like why do i feel this way? i've been given the amazing privelege of having a positive influence and someone who supports me in almost everything (obviously not harmful decisions) and couldn't have asked for a sweeter boyfriend. WHY WON'T MY BRAIN JUST LET ME HAVE A NORMAL RELATIONSHIP WHERE I CAN LOVE THEM AND NOT HAVE A PROBLEM WITH IT? i mean i'm still immensely fearing abandonment and am terrified but i love him very dearly and would never dream of hurting him. why can't i just feel normal about this? it would make me happier if i could believe he loved me and didnt have an existential crisis thinking about him leaving. why do i make everything problematic? why can't i just be fully aware that gay is okay, transmen can be gay, trans people can date other transpeople, sexuality is fluid. also, it's not like i fully identify as male, i am very much nonbinary as well. so like idk why im freaking out about being gay when we both use he/they pronouns, cos i'm simultaneously gay with him in a nonbinary way. i just am so overwhelmed and am stuck in a very binary mindset. I GENUINELY IDENTIFY AS QUEER AND IT JUST DOESN'T SINK IN THAT I AM ALLOWED TO LIKE BOYS IF IT HAPPENS AND IT'S FRUSTRATING. - i feel like a really bad member of the lgbtqia* community. the gay community was a safehaven for me when i had no one and my brain is filled with these thoughts i would never condone. im very disappointed in myself for even being able to have thoughts like that. i feel like a terrible queer. - it's funny cos like i love him a lot and it's scrambling my brain but if i developed feelings for a cis guy i would probably lose all of my marbles cos i have a strong aversion to hetero cis males and that is something i genuinely can't imagine. if i ever did i'm sure i wouldn't be able to recognise myself. i just wouldn't feel like me. i'm very grateful for him and i hope i can get my shit together before i scare him off. - (this part is for me) **deep breath** kieran is allowed to like boys. kieran is allowed to like boys. kieran is allowed to like boys.

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preserving-ferretbrain · 5 years

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Across the Face of the Bored

by Dan H

Wednesday, 15 April 2009

Dan feels like he's kicking a puppy.~

Ferretbrain regulars should already know about my sordid love affair with Trudi Canavan, an Australian novelist whose work I am guiltily fond of (I'm anxiously looking forward to the paperback release of the Black Magician prequels). Trudi writes wonderful, pacey books about spunky heroines with magic powers which are amazing fun and never get boring (well, Last of the Wilds sagged a bit if I'm honest). It was on her recommendation (well, her blurb, which isn't quite the same thing) that I picked up Russell Kirkpatrick's Across the Face of the World.

I'll admit, I was also attracted to the sheer old-school nature of it. It's called “Across the Face of the World” for a start, and the cover depicts five people on horses riding in front of a gigantic moon. There are no fewer than five maps at the front, and at the back is a glossary which is only two pages shorter than the first chapter. It's the product of “fifteen years of careful worldbuilding” and when I say “worldbuilding” I mean “this guy is a professor of geography and boy does it show.”

So I kind of knew what I was getting into when I started it. But it came with the Trudi Canavan seal of approval, so I figured it would be slightly cheesy but good fun.

It was not good fun.

Oh, spoilers, FYI.

The story concerns a boy called Leith who lives in a remote village where he isn't terribly popular because he's slightly smaller and weaker than the other children. He has a crush on a girl called Stella (yes, Stella) but she is betrothed to another boy called ... Druin? I think? Not really sure. He is miraculously cast opposite her in the Midwinter play, and gets to do flirty improv theatre with her, before getting dragged away by his mysteriously-returned father, who has brought Terrible Danger with him.

So Leith's father and mother get kidnapped by the Lords of Fear (I kind of feel that I should have bolded that. I mean dudes: Lords of Fear) and Leith, his crippled brother Hal, the village “Haufuth” (think elder or headman) and a Simple Farmer Who Is More Than He Seems named Kurr set off to find them, and to warn the people of Faltha that they are about to be invaded by Bhrudwo.

Finding the names confusing yet? Just wait.

Stella stumbles upon the council of war, and since Leith and Hal are supposed to be dead, and they can't have anybody spreading rumours about their plan, they decide to take her with them (why no, she doesn't get any say in this, why do you ask?) when they head out to do their mission.

They pursue the Bhrudwans across the face of the ... well you get the picture. They do this very, very slowly. Very, very, very slowly.

Kirkpatrick has mapped out his world in exhaustive detail, and he leads you through every inch of it. Down every glaciated valley, past every erratic boulder, up every fold mountain and over every waterfall into every plunge pool. The single biggest impression you get from the text is “gosh, this person knows a lot about geography.” The second biggest impression you get from the text is “gosh, this dialogue is terrible and stilted and these characters are wooden and poorly realised.”

Sorry, that was bitchy of me, and I feel genuinely bad about saying it, because Russell Kirkpatrick comes across as a lovely man who has a genuine enthusiasm for his world and his story. The flyleaf informs us that:

“Russell Kirkpatrick's love of literature and a chance encounter with fantasy novels as a teenager opened up a vast number of possibilities to him. The idea that he could marry storytelling and mapmaking (his other passion) into one project grabbed him and wouldn't let go.”

How sweet is that? Unfortunately while Kirkpatrick's love of mapmaking has translated into an ability to draw pretty good maps, his love of storytelling has failed to yield similar results.

Where to begin.

Destiny Is Not A Virtue God Damn It

Throughout Across the Face of the World there is talk of “The Right Hand of God” (not to be confused with the Left Hand of God, which is Hugh Jackman). This is a dude who is totally destined to rise up and unite the disparate kingdoms of Faltha and fight off the evil Bhrudwans and defeat the Destroyer and generally be Awesomeness Personified.

The Right Hand is pretty clearly Leith. There are gigantic hints about this, almost to the extent of people coming up to him and saying “Leith Mahnumsen, You Are The Right Hand of God”.

It does not, in fact, bother me that nobody works out this extremely obvious fact. It does not bother me that Leith remains totally oblivious to the idea that he might be the Right Hand, despite meeting (a) a seer who says “you have a great destiny and will become a great leader of men” and (b) a bard who says “Hi, I'm looking for the Right Hand, who is destined to be a great leader of men, I think he might come from your home town.”

What bothers me is the fact that I am expected to give a crap.

I really hate destiny in fantasy. It's so often used to avoid explaining how a character was actually capable of achieving something. I don't mind the young orphan boy being able to pull the sword from the stone. I do mind him being able to use the damned thing without any training.

Leith has nothing to recommend him as a character. He's mopey, miserable, self-pitying and indecisive. He doesn't have hidden leadership qualities (or if he does they are fantastically wellhidden) he doesn't even have tremendous compassion (his adoptive brother Hal does, but he's clearly an angel which is kinda cheating) or unusual courage. Hell, he doesn't even get described as possessing any of these quantities. All he does is mope about the fact that Stella seems to fancy somebody else and display a vague determination to get his parents back.

I wouldn't object to this if I thought it was deliberate, if I thought somebody was going to sit Leith down and say “seriously dude, stop being such a douche” and he was going to realise that dag nammit he had a kingdom to save I'd be okay with that, but it seems very unlikely at this stage.

The thing is I do understand why you get so many fantasy heroes like this. He's an everyman or, more precisely an everygeek. He's the speccy outsider who isn't very good at sports and is no good with girls, but who is secretly special because of some innate quality which is never really explained, and which he never has to demonstrate. The recognition and validation of your individual special-unique-snowflake-ness is basically every geeks ultimate fantasy (hell it's why I write these articles, I fully expect to be given a column in the Times any day now) and like Leith we expect this validation to come not as a result of anything we have done but in recognition of who we are. It's the slightly tragic result of being picked on at school.

Where was I? Oh yes: Leith is boring, self-pitying and has the leadership potential of a pillow with an anxiety disorder. He's going to wind up saving the world and I really don't care.

Stella By Starlight

Across the Face of the World almost avoids making it onto the Fantasy Rape Watch list, but not quite. I'm not going to talk about that quite yet, though. Instead I'm going to talk about Stella.

Since pretty much forever, there's been a strong tradition in literature (particularly heroic literature – including fantasy novels and action movies) of female characters whose sole function is to act as a reward for the hero. The fact that I'm not particularly squicked out by the fact that our society sees “getting the girl” as a natural consequence of “killing the baddies” (rather than anything the “girl” has – y'know – a choice about) is one of those things which makes me rather ashamed of my own internalised prejudices. It's a trope that comes up time and again in pretty much every book you've ever read and every film you've ever seen. It should bother me more than it does, frankly, and for some reason it really bothers me here.

Maybe it's because I really didn't like Leith, but the idea that this girl had been created purely so that, at the end of the series, she could complete the protagonist's wish-fulfilment fantasy by winding up with him had me beating my head against the wall. I wouldn't mind but he isn't even particularly nice to her. He shows no actual interest in her as a person, they don't have a relationship, he sees her as a trophy just as much as Druin, the boy she's betrothed to and terrified of.

Oh yes, about that.

Stella starts the story being abducted by the company because they want to keep her quiet. This is, itself, all kinds of fucked up. I mean, I get that it's better that nobody in the village know where you're going (they say it's for the safety of the village, but seriously, when has ignorance protected anybody from anything – if Dark Lord Psychopathus thinks you know something, he'll torture you to death, period) but seriously, you guys were the ones who had a secret meeting in a public building with no locks on the doors. The fact that they won't trust her not to tell anybody (because her mother's a gossip, apparently) is also a bit iffy, it's got slight overtones of “women need to learn to keep their mouths shut” - sorry, I'm Minority Warrioring again – so, yes, abduction.

Stella does not get a choice about joining the company on their quest, but she goes along with it in the end because the alternative is to marry Druin, and be subjected to a lifetime of socially sanctioned marital rape. Being the courageous, self-actualising fantasy heroine that she is, Stella sees her abduction by the company as an opportunity to throw herself at somebody else, so she can be subjected to a lifetime of socially sanctioned marital rape by somebody less horrible.

It doesn't occur to her that she could – y'know – make a life for herself in the enormous cosmopolitan city they're going to. I know she's a girl from a small village and was probably raised with a very narrow view of her future, but I think once you've broadened your prospects to include “saving the world” I really don't think “living without a man” is too much of a stretch.

Ethnic Jokes Are So Uncouth

So the basic plot of AtFotW is that the proud lands of Faltha are home to the First Men, the chosen of God who screwed up n-thousand years ago but who are destined to reclaim their rightful place as the Chosen of the Most High and redeem the world and stuff.

Anybody want to guess what their defining racial characteristics are? I'll give you a clue, it isn't dark hair and brown eyes.

The enemy of the First Men is the evil empire of Bhrudwo. Now I'll admit here that I've not seen much actual description of Bhrudwan ethnic characteristics but they do seem to live in a desert, is all I'm saying.

Now I know making allegations of racism about a fantasy novel is, as a great man once put it, about as difficult as putting on a hat. But when your novel has as its premise that some races of people are better than other races of people, you need to be really careful before making your chosen people look quite that much like Nazi poster children.

This again probably wouldn't bother me as much as it does, but Kirkpatrick seems to have actually noticed the problem and sort-of-not-quite tried to address it. There's quite a lot of evil races in his world (the Bhrudwans, the Widuz), but Kirkpatrick keeps making embarrassingly perfunctory efforts to pretend that they are not, in fact, totally evil. Mahnum (the protagonist's father) explains at great and patronising length how the common people of Bhrudwo are really excellent people no different from you or me, before explaining how he was captured by them, tortured by them, then rescued by one of them who, when said rescuer discovered that he was not as rich as he had pretended, betrayed him to the Lords of Fear. Similarly, when the Companions encounter the Widuz, we are told carefully that they have been cruelly treated by the other people of their land, and driven ever further into the most inhospitable parts of Faltha, only to be subjected to a sequence in which the Widuz line up dozens of naked, drugged captives and throw them into a dormant volcano to appease a hungry god. And lest we forget, there is only one God that canonically exists in the setting, so while they're ill-treated they're also violent, barbaric and wrong.

Now I admit, I've only read the first book, and it's possible that it will defy all my expectations and preconceptions. It's possible that Leith will grow the hell up and show some kind of leadership qualities. It's possible that Stella will learn that she doesn't actually need to get married, and will reject Leith on the grounds that she doesn't fancy him. But I'm unlikely to find out because I'm unlikely to want to wade through another twelve hundred pages of tedious geography for the privilege.

And finally:

Fantasy Rape Watch

Approximate Number of Named Characters Who Travel with the Company: 12

Of Which Female: 3

Of Whom Have Dialogue: 2

Of Whom Motivated by Past Sexual Abuse: 1

Of Whom Motivated by Fear of Future Sexual Abuse: 1

Of Whom Die: 1

Total Deaths Among Company: 2

Number of Women Abducted by Villains: 1

Number of Women Abducted by Heroes: 1

Number of Societies Encountered in Which Women Are Treated Literally As Property: 1

Number of Male Characters Who Object To This: 0

Number of Female Characters Who Object To This: 0

Reaction of Party Member On Being Told That His Wife Is Now The Property Of Another Man: “Oh good, he'll look after her until I get back”Themes:

Fantasy Rape Watch

Books

Sci-fi / Fantasy

Judging Books By Their Covers

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~Comments (

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http://serenoli.livejournal.com/

at 12:00 on 2009-04-15Lol the last line. Like, seriously?

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Rami

at 13:52 on 2009-04-15I was mostly struck by the resemblance of the cover to

a Wheel Of Time book

, when I first saw it...

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Arthur B

at 13:57 on 2009-04-15Hey, I remember that cover - it was on the only

Wheel of Time

book I ever attempted to read.

I got halfway through the prologue before I gave up.

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Rami

at 14:26 on 2009-04-15Don't worry, you won't have to miss out entirely -- it's allegedly coming to the big screen in 2011!

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Wardog

at 16:00 on 2009-04-15They're making a movie from The Wheel of Time? Wtf?! It isn't even finished... and it's really boring...

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Arthur B

at 16:07 on 2009-04-15The long and boring nature of the Wheel of Time is actually helpful there: if they film everything then they'll still be on schedule even if the final book isn't published until 2050...

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Rami

at 16:14 on 2009-04-15You never know, they could do something miraculous and tighten it up a lot (like the LOTR films, for instance, were tightened up) into a reasonable story...

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Shim

at 16:19 on 2009-04-15I can see that. I mean, if you cut out most of the characters and all the sitting around angsting, it would be manageable.

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Guy

at 16:22 on 2009-04-15I understand that, since Jordan is now writing generic fantasy for the angels, they have found someone else to finish the Wheel for him. Who was intending to write one book, but, haha, said that there was far too much stuff to wrap up in just one book so he is going to write a concluding *trilogy*.

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Dan H

at 20:16 on 2009-04-15

Lol the last line. Like, seriously?

Seriously, but deliberately taken out of context for maximum d'oh value. Said character is, in fact, a member of the treats-women-as-property community (albeit an adopted one) so it's not like his wife was just snatched away from him by people they met on the road, and he does know the guy she's given to personally so it's not completely psychotic. So the line is more "I know X will take good care of her". It's still kind of messed up though.

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Dan H

at 20:38 on 2009-04-15

there was far too much stuff to wrap up in just one book so he is going to write a concluding *trilogy*

You know what's going to happen, don't you?

He's going to write books one and two, and then die horrifically, at which point somebody else will get brought in to finish the trilogy, and decide that actually they'll need to divide the final volume into two parts, finish the first part and then they'll die as well at which point somebody else...

It'll become this terrifying horror story about the fantasy series that kills anybody who touches it.

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Guy

at 03:56 on 2009-04-16I thought you were going to say, he's going to write books one and two, then realise that one book just really isn't *quite* enough to wrap up everything that needs to be wrapped up, so he'll extend the series by just a few more books... &c... but I like your version too. :)

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http://pozorvlak.livejournal.com/

at 11:51 on 2009-04-16I just wanted to say that Leith is the name of where I live. I don't know if that's a coincidence or further evidence of Kirkpatrick's deep love of geography, but it made the review rather confusing for me to read.

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http://sistermagpie.livejournal.com/

at 21:02 on 2009-04-21Awww. It really is kind of a textbook fantasy book. I find myself liking the author even while cringing at the thought of reading the book.

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Rami

at 10:54 on 2009-04-22

liking the author even while cringing

Yeah, me too. If he spends that long lovingly building a fantasy world I get the feeling it'd be really fun to be sitting there exploring it with him, just riffing on ideas like what the people in the desert kingdom to the south wear.

On the other hand, that has very little to do with actually writing a good book :-(

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Dan H

at 13:31 on 2009-04-22There's a rather cute bit on his website where he says that writing his books takes roughly 500 hours to write, with a further *thousand* hours of worldbuilding...

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Wardog

at 14:38 on 2009-04-22Sigh. I'm pretty damn sure it should be the other way round ...

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http://scipiosmith.livejournal.com/

at 18:23 on 2012-04-03

Kind of, as far as Leith goes. Instead of displaying any fantastic qualities book 3 becomes a rather hilarious deconstruction/parody of the idea of the Chosen One, as he leads his followers from one epic fail to the next before God and Hal save the day at the last possible second.

Stella on the other hand is treated rather savagely; by the end of the trilogy she's been seduced by the Dark Lord's trusted lieutenant (whom she does, in fairness, cause to be killed by the Dark Lord), then prematurely aged and palsied down one side by the Dark Lord during his enslavement of her, develops kind-of Stockholm syndrome before being rescued by God, and still marries Leith at the end.

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Dan H

at 18:11 on 2012-04-04

Instead of displaying any fantastic qualities book 3 becomes a rather hilarious deconstruction/parody of the idea of the Chosen One, as he leads his followers from one epic fail to the next before God and Hal save the day at the last possible second.

Obviously I've not read the book, but based on this very loose description, I'm not sure that constitutes a parody or deconstruction, so much as a fairly straight implementation of the trope. Sometimes it's authorial fiat, rather than a literal divine intervention, but the way the Chosen One narrative usually works (in my experience) is that they fuck up continuously for most of the story, then have everything come out alright at the last possible minute.

c.f. John Sheridan, Harry Potter, later Buffy, and so on.

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James D

at 20:10 on 2012-04-04Yes, a better deconstruction of the trope would have the "Chosen One" be actually worthy of the title, but simply lose because the enemy is better at fighting and it was stupid to expect to win or even try to fight. The bad guys end up being magnanimous in defeat and things go back to the way they were, which wasn't so bad anyway, minus a bunch of warmongering rebels. The End. Maybe throw in a dash of how the former Confederate US is with its "The South Will Rise Agin!" mantra, playing up big gubmint being evil, states' rights being good, and conveniently lionizing the rebels while whitewashing the whole slavery issue. I guess the protagonist could be some sort of impressionable youth who buys the whole story.

There are probably already a hundred authors who've deconstructed the trope at length, to the point where its deconstruction is itself a trope. Such is modern fantasy. To be perfectly honest though, it just doesn't seem like a particularly interesting trope to deconstruct, because once examined at all it becomes so transparently stupid that hardly any deconstruction is required to lay that inherent stupidity bare. As mentioned in the review, the concept of a "Chosen One" is just more bald-faced adolescent wish-fulfillment fantasy.

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http://scipiosmith.livejournal.com/

at 17:45 on 2012-04-05

I think the difference is one of textual support. You can read the later Harry Potter books as the story of someone bumbling from one disaster to another, but that is not supported by the text which insists that Harry is a Hero with capital H to the point that even after his apparent defeat and death people remain loyal to his memory.

On the other hand, when Leith is loudly called out for every mistake he makes, called out for sulking about getting called out, and by the end of the war is getting pissed on by the common soldiery for his suckage (even Charlie Brown thinks he's a loser by this point) it's hard to argue that 'Leith is Useless' is not what the text expects you to take away.

It's also possible to interpret that Hal, who bears his brother's accusations of treason without complaint, dies in Leith's place and then comes back to life temporarily in time to save the day, was the real Right Hand of God all along, but then Leith was the one hearing God's voice in book 2 so that would be strange.

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Tamara

at 23:08 on 2014-01-28How geekily-particular is it that what bothers me about this review is the implication that geographers make for tedious worldbuilding? I'm not-so-many credits away from a geography degree and love it to pieces, and it's totally obvious to me that the use of a solid foundation in geography in fantasy worldbuilding should be one of experimentation and exploration of spaces and landscapes that can't exist in reality, not the fussy construction of super-accurate worlds. The City and The City or The Half Made World is my idea of a great geography porn genre book, not something with really nicely mapped drainage basins. Just needed to say that, oh very old article about a series long since off the radar.

#Ferretbrain #Across the Face of the World #Russel Kirkpatrick #Dan H #Fantasy #Fantasy Rape Watch

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cho-sekiei · 7 years

Text

The Mom-friend trope in fan fiction and why it is problematic (an essay by me)

@eloarei asked:

So I saw that post about Ignis and the mom-friend trope, and I feel like I get the gist of what you're saying, but I guess I wanted to ask if that means you actively dislike it when people refer to him as the mom-friend? Or perhaps you just dislike that trope? Or maybe you just don't like tropes at all? Personally, I love tropes (esp. mom/dad-friend) probably more than is reasonable, as long people don't reduce good characters to JUST those tropes. (Same as any label; we are more than a word.)

Okay… let me try to organise a bit what I have to say because there are several things here. Also I’m going to take FFXV and Ignis as an example here, but this can be applied to lots of different fandoms where a caring male character exists (for example, Hakkai in Saiyuki would be the same, Shiro in Voltron, Sugawara in Haikyuu, take your pick).

The first problem is language related, the name of the trope itself. Not because of the words themselves but because of what they reflect. Do I have a problem with Ignis being referred to as the ‘mom-friend’? Yes, I do. I’m going to explain why, but, in short, this trope glorifies the existence of damaging gender-roles and I think it’s important to be aware of it and recognise it. I should point out here that while I have a problem with the existence of the trope, this is not an attack on all the stories that use it. They are too varied and numerous for me to talk about them as a whole. So not all of what I say here applies to all stories using the trope.

I know it’s an accepted fandom trope and people don’t mean anything bad by it, but it’s interesting to analyse why we say the things we say and to question whether we should at all. Words have power. They are the reflections of our beliefs and attitudes, they have implications and hidden meanings. But they're not innocuous, they can perpetuate hurtful stereotypes and systems of oppression which is why it's important to recognise the implications behind the words we speak and write. The fact that as soon as a male character is empathic and caring he becomes automatically referred to as having feminine traits or attributes (the mom) is a reflection of the rampant and toxic masculinity that exists in modern patriarchal society. Suddenly, he doesn’t fit with the typical image of a male anymore, he has to be the kind-of-feminine-friend. It’s the same kind of attitude that prevents men from recognising and expressing their emotions, the eternal ‘boys don’t cry’ thing, which is unhealthy and damaging. It’s one of the reasons men are so much more likely to be successful when they attempt suicide, because they are raised in a way that forbids them from expressing / dealing with their feelings without feeling weak and questioning their own worth. It also leads to violence against others as an alternative reaction / outlet as well. And it feeds homophobia.

The second problem is that in a lot of cases - not all - identifying the character with that trope will automatically give them attitudes they might not have at all in canon. The mom-friend often becomes nagging and annoying, the dad-friend is cool and fun. Again, what is reflected here is internalised misogyny (even from female writers… and I’m not saying this as a criticism. I still catch myself every day doing or thinking things that are stupidly misogynistic, because our society raises us to believe a lot of stupid things about women’s character or abilities. It takes a lot of self-awareness and introspection over a long period of time to recognise them). As you say, using a trope doesn’t mean you are going to fall into all the pitfalls that come with it but it’s a dangerous slope since some negative attitudes might be so engrained within the trope that they might seem natural and get integrated in your writing without you even realising it. It’s why we refer to ‘internalised misogyny,’ because it’s all but obvious or conscious.

As a brief tangent (I’m not going to go into it too much because I’ve promised @terra-bunny to write a whole post on the topic of toxic relationships in fandom), using the mom/dad trope automatically creates a situation of power imbalance between the characters with some being in charge and some being infantilised with part of their agency and autonomy being taken from them (again that’s coming from the kind of vocabulary that is being used). Of course, the extent of it will vary with the individual story, some will be a lot more extreme than others in their portrayal of the trope. However, in many cases, it doesn’t stop the two types of characters from being shipped together and it’s often presented as a cute and healthy relationship. I’m afraid it’s not. This is not a case where power exchange has been negotiated and ways out agreed upon as in a healthy D/s relationship. It’s not a relationship where the characters are on equal footing. It’s manipulative and a dangerous glorification of abuse, grooming and pedophilia. What matters here is the power balance between the characters rather than their age. If this sounds harsh, I mean for it to be. Our modern societies are way too comfortable with the romanticisation of abuse and exploitation of vulnerable individuals. Creative content does not get a pass on those issues because it's dealing with fictional characters.

Does that mean you can’t write about it? Of course, not. Writing is awesome because you can write whatever you want if it fits your story. What you shouldn’t do is pretend it’s a healthy model to follow. If you write about those topics, then you should be aware and explore the problems that they raise and how those can be resolved (i.e. by restoring / creating a healthy balance of power) or not; and if they cannot be resolved then you should definitely question whether that relationship should continue. Not doing so is passively condoning it as okay. As Desmond Tutu would say 'if you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor.' Now I should point out here that the smart way of addressing problematic situations is through a clever plot rather than a moralising author's rant.

You can see the tendency of glorifying that kind of unbalanced relationships in fan art as well, with the physical size difference between the characters being over-emphasised, the less powerful character being more slender and given a more youthful face than canon, etc. I have been made very uncomfortable recently by some of the Gladio x Prompto fan art on my dashboard. Without knowing the characters and their age, it looked like pedophilia. It felt very wrong and it is a problem. I don’t think we can pretend it’s not just because it’s part of the fandom. Fandom can be problematic and we should speak up about it.

Now, obviously, I know some people are going to wonder why I get so worked-up about those things. After all, we’re talking fan works, as part of a fictional universe. It’s entertainment, it’s fun, why would I drag all those issues into it? And my answer is because the stories we tell matter. They reflect what we believe in and they might also send some messages to our readers - some of whom might be in vulnerable situations - that might either reinforce their acceptance of or lead them to question problematic attitudes. Being aware ourselves when we write of why we would portray a character or a situation a certain way is the first step towards questioning whether we should. One story won’t change the world, but words have power. The other reason is that you can learn a lot about yourself by looking at what you write and how you write it. Who doesn’t want a good journey of self-discovery? :) And this might end up changing how we act and the problems we recognise in real life as well.

Parenthesis about tropes in general: Not all are problematic. And they’re often part of the fandom life (coffee shop or flower shop AUs for example). We’ve all read them, we all love them. Tropes that give characters stereotypical behaviour (mom-friend), I have more problem with because they tend to lead to paper-fine, somewhat OOC, portrayals of complex characters. But obviously, that depends on the individual writer.

I guess my view on non-damaging tropes depends mostly of what a writer is trying to do. If it’s filling a fandom need, have fun with a stereotypical story, then most of the time they’re fine. Fandoms are interesting because no-one would read twenty novels about people working in a coffee shop… but then we’ve all probably read that many fanfics about it - if not more. I also think tropes are useful to help inexperienced / beginner writers get started. From that point of view, they can be very beneficial.

Now, if you’re trying to write a more nuanced and original story, tropes can actually be dangerous. They will simplify the characters and the plot, they might make them caricatural, less alive and credible. They might rob you of your own creativity. You can use tropes as a tool to get started, but for a more ambitious piece of work, it’s good to stop and think about how you can subvert or move beyond the scope of the tropes, and whether problematic situations in the story should be addressed at some point (as previously mentioned, I’m not talking of doing this in a moralistic way, more in the plot itself).

@eloarei asked:

Anyway, sorry for rambling in your inbox so incoherently. It's hard to explain my feelings about this in so few words. But to get to the honest point of the matter: I'm actually writing a fic that sorta revolves around Ignis as the "mom" type (not /exactly/, but you know, that's why I use quotes), and I'd hate to think that someone I admire (you) would find it distasteful. So if it's something you have strong feelings about, I'm happy to take advice on how not to be tropey about it, at least.

First, let me blush like mad. 😳 ‘Admire me?’ 😳 Why would you do that? 😳 I’m honestly a badly put together mess. Nothing to admire here. 😝 It’s hard for me to tell you if I’d find it problematic without reading it. I just want to emphasise here that I have no problem with Ignis being a caring (sometimes a bit overbearing) character. That’s canon, that’s who he is. The problem is not that Ignis is caring, it’s how it is often portrayed. I often write Ignis telling others what to do because he’s a bossy jerk who thinks he knows better (and he often does) and he cares deeply about his friends and tries to stop them from getting into trouble. I guess the question to ask is whether the way you write him falls into any of the pitfalls I’ve described above (does he get feminised or appear weak for being caring? does he come across as more nagging and annoying than in canon? does he respect other characters’ agency and autonomy or not? and if not, is it acknowledged as problematic at some point in the story? etc.). You could even push this further and subvert the mom-friend trope by engaging with the character’s experience of his own identity and how a toxic vision of masculinity might hurt him and make him feel vulnerable even as he tries to come to grips with his caring nature. But obviously, that’s a much more engaged and deeper kind of story.

I hope this makes what I meant a bit clearer. I probably think about that kind of thing too much, but I can’t rightly ignore it either. Also stop saying ‘sorry’, you have no idea how much I love talking about all that stuff. ^ ^’’’ If you want me to expand on anything, let me know. ;)

#ffxv #eloarei #replies #writing #fandom #writing as a craft #writers #writers problems #feminism

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werevulvi · 5 years

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I recently made a post saying I'm radfem now. So I thought perhaps I should adress that in a bit more detail. I'll try to not make this post several years long, but it's unavoidably gonna be a big post. This is to give a rough overview of my opinions, for anyone interested in knowing that.

The points I bring up, in the following order: - Patriarchy/oppression of women and girls - Gender/sex - Transgender - Femininity - Sexuality - Female only spaces - Porn industry - Prostitution - BDSM - Reproductive rights and women's rights in general - End notes/wrap up

Patriarchy/oppression of women and girls So I used to be an anti-feminist MRA and thus I didn't believe patriarchy was a thing. It took me a long while and lots of research and observing to see the fault in my ways. Admittedly, I was wrong, and now I know better. Also worth mentioning is the reason I found my way into radfem was because with my detransition I became increasingly gender critical, so if I focus extra on gender/sex opinions that's why.

Gender/sex Women and girls are oppressed in the world because of their sex, and it has nothing to do with "gender identity" and you can't opt out of oppression by transitioning or calling yourself another gender. Gender is a social construct and is just masculinity and femininity, including personality traits that can be called such. Anyone can be masculine or feminine and it doesn't make them the opposite sex or "not real" men/women. Male/female brains is not a thing. You are the sex you were born as. Woman just means adult human female and man just means adult human male.

Transgender Having dysphoria often tells people who have it that them wanting for their bodies to be of the opposite sex is what makes them, on some psychological level, of that sex. Conforming to the gender roles of the opposite sex often alleviates dysphoria cause it helps with passing, but few trans people think that the gender roles is what makes them men/women. It's just a tool to deal with dysphoria. Trans people should absolutely get the medical treatments available for their dysphoria for those who want that. Out of politeness and caring about their dysphoria, I usually refer to trans men as men and use he/him pronouns, etc, and vice versa for trans women. And on occasion I use the word "cis" to refer to people who are not trans but I don't agree with the term. I only ever use it for simplicity and in its simple meaning "not transgender" but I try to avoid it.

Femininity My stance on this might differ from other radfems but what I do definitely agree on here is that it should NOT be forced upon women/girls in society like it clearly is. I appall that and it should not happen. I also see there are lots of harmful stuff about modern femininity that also should be scrutinised. However, I think that femininity at its core can be good if you just know what you're doing, and I think especially femme lesbians seem to have a pretty good grip on that, not just myself. I think very critically about it and do encourage others to do too. I want to eradicate the forcing of femininity and its harmful aspects - but not the femininity itself. And that's actually NOT because I love being femme: it's because I was coerced to be masculine as a child, and that not only harmed me, but also made me realise and understand that femininity is a genuine and essential form of expression for my artistic mind. So, I think I do have pretty good reasons for having the views that I have on that point.

Sexuality Sexual attraction/orientation is sex-based not gender-based. Lesbians are not attracted to males/penis and gay men are not attracted to females/vagina. It's important that definition does not get changed by the trans movement and anyone thinking it's "no big deal" or think that it should be changed is a homophobe. Any male trying to force dick upon lesbians is a horribly gross lesbophobe and no it doesn't make it any better if it's a trans woman. It's very much like just another form of conversion therapy and should not be tolerated. I'm a lesbian, so it matters to me a lot. And on that point I also stand in solidarity with gay men who get to face the same crap from females/trans men. However, I'm half-okay with trans women just calling themselves lesbians as long as they can behave themselves and know they're not actual homosexual females, and vice versa for male-attracted trans men calling themselves gay. Again only because of their dysphoria, and only if they're not acting like homophobes. I'm however NOT okay with trans women invading lesbian spaces, but I'll get back to that point in a bit.

Also I'm really strongly against trans people not disclosing being trans to sex partners. Doesn't matter if they're pre- or post-op or how well they're passing. Trans feeling DON'T get to override "cis" feelings. That might not be a super specific radfem point but I notice transmeds vehemently disagree with me on that point, and it just comes across as very entitled, so yeah.

Female only spaces Are and should be for biological females only. Although I'm slightly lenient on trans women using women's bathrooms because in my own country it doesn't seem to be an issue of men abusing that loophole, but I'm NOT fine with any males using women's locker rooms, abuse victims' support groups, abuse shelters, lesbian spaces, etc. Women need our own spaces away from the male oppressors. And as a survivor or sexual assault and rape who's kinda scared of men, I do very much understand that need. Even though I look too ambiguous due to my ftm transition to get any sort of access to women only spaces, aside from bathrooms, apparently. That's my own fault though, isn't it?

Porn industry Absolutely disgusting, what the hell is going on there?! Kind of. Women and girls are being badly hurt there and it needs to stop. I don't care if that means no one ever gets to ever have porn to watch, people's safety is more important than other people just wanting something sexy to watch. Men's violence on women (in general) is being perpetuated by porn teaching them that women are objects and only there for men's sexual pleasure. And I'm pretty sure it even exacerbated my own internalised misogyny in the past when I was watching a lot of porn and searched for the worst of it. I no longer want to support the porn industry in any way. I made the decision, few weeks ago, to stop watching porn completely and so far so good, although I was close to giving into it a few days ago but didn't. I've got this.

Prostitution I used to want to become a prostitute, actually. Before I came to my senses on that point and realised it was just my traumas speaking for me again. I no longer want that at all, and it makes me feel sick to just think of it. But I read up on it a lot back then. I understand that the entire "sex industry" is directly harmful to the women in it and indirectly harmful to women not in it. I'm all for doing whatever we can to stop it. However, since I read up on it in the past, I'm kinda skeptical that the Nordic Model would be a good solution. It has a lot of issues. As I'm living in a country that has that model implemented (Sweden) and I know that there is a lot of hidden trafficking going on here that cannot be spotted or caught due to the faults of the Nordic Model. According to my own (possibly flawed) research the Australian Model seems to be better at both catching trafficking and making prostitution in general less dangerous for those involved, but by no means is that a perfect model either. I need to learn more about this perhaps, but at the end of the day I'm 100% against any form of prostitution existing.

BDSM I used to be into bdsm and didn't want to see that it's harmful, and basically just a "socially accepted" form of abuse. I used to be into "rapeplay" and a lot of humiliating kinks as the submissive because it let me "repeat" my past traumas. Along with my realisation that I'm a lesbian, I also finally understood the true depth of my traumas and no longer want to engage in anything bdsm or kinks. That has no place in my life anymore. It just kept damaging me more when I needed to heal. That made me understand that there's still abuse involved in bdsm even though it's "consensual" cause how can you make an informed consent to something you don't understand is gonna harm you?

Reproductive rights and women's rights in general I guess this covers the whole "bodily autonomy" thing and I include anything from being able to get birth control and abortions to stopping fgm and child marriages, and much more, in this category. I dunno really what to say here other than of course women and young girls being treated as cattle, abused, mutilated, raped, forced to give birth, forced to marry, etc are very important issues that need to be fixed and that asap. I'd even say such things matter the most to me when it comes to women's rights: having the right to one's own body from the moment that any female human is born. But also, reading up on those really heavy topics gets to me so bad I can't manage it. I get really bad panic attacks and just start sobbing uncontrollably. So for the sake of my own mental health, that's why I don't reblog much of that. But please believe me that is still very important stuff to highlight, talk about and get to the bottom of.

End notes/wrap up All of this and more really stems from the systematic oppression that women are constantly kept under, and I see that "red thread" connecting all these issues to that root. We need to get to the core of those problems (and many more that I didn't bring up here) which is men in general oppressing women in general. So that got me back to where I started, patriarchy. That's a nice wrap up, I think. I tried hard to not make this into a gigantic post, so that's why I left out a lot of details, explanations, my own personal experiences that led me to my opinions, etc. And yes, it's absolutely fine to ask me about my opinions on any of these things, and call me out (preferably with an explanation) if you think it's horse shit and I'll look into it.

#personal #my radfem views #i know its not super comprehensive but i aint got all night #still new to this #and still learning #im a get shit for my views on trans i think but im too fucked up to care anymore

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