#a roller coaster would be a fucking understatement

[minkkumaz]

IGNITING OUR LOVE

deciding to give each boy a chance, you fueled their need for friendly competition. between woonhak and jaehyun, they both put on a show to see who impresses their lady the most. however even after going on a proper date with each boy, there's something you're still unsure about. RACE TO YOUR HEART series

PAIRING woonmyungz x fem!reader WC 5.4k TAGS adults dni. racecar driver au. no poly relationship. mentions of toxic relationship. fluff. seperate dates. lowk crackfic. very unserious at times. kidnapping jokes. TAGLIST @skullverse OMI NOTE this turned out way fucking longer than i anticipated it to be omg. this is like a summer with you all over again. (it'll get worse as time flies by.. i have a few long ones up my sleeve)

fiddling with the hem of your skirt, you waited on the curb of your culdesac for a familiar boy to drive down the road. it had been two weeks since woonhak and jaehyun initially asked you out on a date. they maneuvered the timing around one another, leaving you with woonhak today and jaehyun tomorrow. 

there was an unfamiliar feeling in your chest, exploring into the deepest depths of your heart. so sweet it could give you cavities, yet sour enough to make you flinch. it wasn’t everyday you went on back to back dates. but in a way, you were somehow thriving. everything got so much easier when you started opening up more, so you became positive that tonight would be fun, as well as the following day.

as you waited, you remembered back to the phonecall you had with your friend explaining every little detail to her. how they found you that day, and how you decided to spend the next with them, only for both boys to ask you out on a day. shocked was an understatement, she almost flipped her shit in the best way possible. despite the undying love she had for woonhak, she was considerate of your feelings and thought it was ‘cupid blessing you with love.’

a blessing in disguise, yet as the clock ticked you became queasy. peaking over the houses at the end, a car drove into your neighborhood that you didn’t recognize. you weren’t expecting woonhak to show up in his race car, so you kept your hopes high that it was.

the window rolled down, revealing the smiley boy that you were expecting to see. he was dressed casually, with a sweater vest over a plain white tee and some jeans. the outfit you were wearing was just a plain skirt with a shirt, so you were thankful that he went casual as well.

“hey! you look– you look really cute!” he spoke out the window, clicking the button to unlock the door to the front seat.

“thank you..!” you blush, buckling yourself in, “um i don’t think you told me where we were going yet? you’re not going to kidnap me are you?”

“oh my gosh– of course not! i probably should’ve asked before, but that’s just my terrible planning. are you okay with roller coasters? or just amusement parks in general?” hints of worry lace his tone, but you nod in response.

“i don’t mind them at all! i’ll try everything for the first time so, don’t even give it a second thought!” you smile softly.

“perfect. i promise you’ll have fun!” he steps on the gas, carrying the two of you out of your neighborhood and towards the destination.

“i don’t doubt that for a second.” 

the car drove smoothly against the road, every house and building passing by into a colorful blur. everything about the atmosphere was calming, a playlist running quietly in the background to ease your thoughts. 

a comfortable silence washed over the two of you. no words were spoken, but it was nice. woonhak moved his hand over the dial to turn up the volume on the song that was currently playing. the volume stays stable throughout the rest of the car ride.

when you guys pulled into the busy parking lot, all of the rides looked much larger in person, making your eyes go big. there were long, colorful rollercoasters, as well as dropper rides, and ones that would swing around in circles. 

“excited? my favorite is that one right there!” woonhak leans over the center console to point at one of the rollercoasters.

“you’ve been here before?” you question, looking at his face which is only inches from yours. 

taken aback, he quickly pulls away, “oh– yeah! i actually came here with my friend taesan not too long ago, but it was super packed so we couldn’t get on that one..”

“hope– hopefully the line isn’t super long! we should go!” you stutter out shyly. 

“yeah, let’s!” he rushedly opens the door as you do as well, getting out of the car.

“do we need to purchase tickets at the front?” you ask, walking alongside him to the entrance.

“i already bought them so we just need to go through and have the person scan them.” he hands you a piece of paper with a barcode on the side.

“okay, cool! i’ll pay you back when i get home!”

“are you serious, i’m not letting you pay for anything today! it’s all on me, okay?” he insists as you near the entrance.

“what?! these tickets are probably expensive, it’s only right i pay you back.” you furrow your eyebrows, and he just ruffles your hair.

“i’ll block your number if you try to send me money, it’s my day to treat and get to know you more.” he argues, not taking no for an answer.

“you suck, i’m paying next time.” you give in, flattening your hair.

“are you already planning for our next date?” he smiles joyfully.

“what– no! well i mean? shut up!” you groan, “i’m not just go on a strike from hanging out with you, it doesn’t have to be a date!”

“i’m still going to be delusional tonight and tell jae you said that.”

“you’re already insufferable.” you joke, entering through the gates of the amusement park behind him.

while there was a lot of people, it was nothing according to woonhak. the sun was bright on your face, making you thankful that you wore sunscreen. there was a multitude of activities to do, as well as some fair - esque games.

despite it being bright out, the different colored lights on the rollercoasters and booths were still prominent. you were impressed by how nice this park was, having not been to it before. woonhak held out a hand to you , scratching the back of his neck nervously. you gingerly accept, remembering the only other time you held hands with him was very sudden, with less romantic intent.

he intertwines his fingers with yours, leading you around and pointing at different things the two of you together. though you said you didn’t have much of a preference, he wanted to find something you enjoyed. in the end, you decided on some bumper cars that didn’t have much of a line.

“i can just never escape driving, can i?” he lets out an exaggerated sigh, clipping in his seatbelt like the operator told him to.

“you said you’d do whatever i wanted to!” 

“i’m kidding, i just want you to have fun!”

“then let me have my fun by pushing you into a wall.” you smile, moving your car backwards before pressing the gas forward to push woonhak.

“hey! you’re not going to get away with that!” he yells as you scurry away.

the two of you chase after each other in your cars, the bumpers becoming worn out from colliding with one another. laughter fills the mini arena. the antenna on the back of your vehicle shook every time he came in contact with you.

however, the fun was short lived as you had a time limit to ride, before giving up your spot to the next person. that idea never stopped either of you from having a lot of fun.

“i– i can’t breathe oh my gosh you kept making me laugh!” you pant.

“it was my number one distraction technique.” he brags, brushing imaginary dust off his shoulders.

“yeah but you probably gave me whiplash, so you’re paying for my surgery.” you shove his side lightly.

“are we going to pretend like you didn’t knock me into tomorrow?! how am i supposed to drive when i can’t even move my head ninety degrees!” 

“you’re dramatic, i’m not as strong as you are!”

“bro we were in cars? it doesn’t even matter if i’m stronger than you.” he rolls his eyes before instinctively putting an arm around your shoulder.

the action made you feel small against him, immediately shutting up your friendly bickering. he pretended not to notice, but was fearful that you were uncomfortable with him. was it too sudden? should he have given you a high five or something?

in an attempt to move his arm away, he taps lightly on your skin to play it off. what he didn’t expect was for you to raise your hand up to his and place it atop, stopping him from moving away. a smile appeared on his face as he continued walking with you through the large crowds.

you admired the scenery around you, woonhak watching your eyes dart to anything and almost everything. a pallet of different smells combined together and waffed in and out of your nose. looking at all of the different booths and food stands, your eyes light up upon seeing an arrangement of ice cream flavors on a big sign.

“a little birdie is telling me that ice cream sounds pretty good right now.” woonhak meets your gaze as you try to hold back your excitement.

“that little birdie and i have something in common, i think we might be twins. maybe soulmates?” you grin as he walks the both of you over to the line.

“on second thought, that was my original idea and i take full credit for it!”

“sorry woon i’m only into birds now.”

“fumbling to a bird is somehow worse than to jaehyun.” 

“ouch, you gonna take that kim woonhak?” 

“don’t hit me up, i’m too busy trying to decide what i want out of these thirty different flavors” he puts his free hand up to your face, and you only punch his palm lightly in return.

“speaking of flavors, that snickers one actually looks really good.” you say, drooling at the thought.

“woah! they have a rainbow flavor..?” he points out, sounding more like a question.

“have you never had rainbow sherbert before?” you wonder out loud.

“no, sorry, i don’t fuck with eating frozen unicorn shit.” he says blankly, but immediately smiles after.

“you’re missing out it’s kind of peak.” 

“then how about you get it and i’ll try some of yours?” he holds out his hand.

“fine, i suppose i’ll take one for the team so you can try your stupid rainbow sherbert.” you kick pretend rocks, before shaking his hand.

once you get up to the window, woonhak orders the ice cream for the both of you. he ends up ordering rocky road, while you get the rainbow sherbert for him to try. you can see the soft ice cream dispensing from the machine behind the worker. 

after waiting patiently, but not for too long, two cups of the fresh dessert you were yearning for was placed in front of you with a spoon and a ‘have a good day!’ you and woonhak thanked the worker and searched around for a place to sit. a shaded spot that wasn’t very busy was decided on, so you both sat down next to one another.

“okay, be ready to have your life changed!” you inform woonhak, dipping your spoon into a corner of the ice cream. 

“are– are you going to feed it to me?” he asks, blush washing over his cheeks.

“i was going to but um– if you don’t want me to i don’t have–”

“no! it’s fine. you’re fine. i mean– ah?” he gives up on stumbling over his words, gaping his mouth open slightly for you to deliver the soft treat to him.

“yo, you might be right. unicorn shit isn’t half bad!” he jokes.

“woonhak you need to get a grip before i ditch you on this date.”

“hey! you love hanging out with me! don’t deny it.” he frowns, licking any excess ice cream from his lips.

“okay maybe you got me, but i’ll leave in a heartbeat.” you fake threaten, watching him become smiley again.

“you know, i’m surprised you went through with this whole date in the first place.” he commented, “you’re too pretty to be single..”

“well, i wasn’t exactly single. didn’t jaehyun tell you?” you could of swore he already knew about your ex.

“not a single word!”

“shit uh.. you see when mommy and daddy love each other, but things don’t go exactly as planned–”

“bro i’m not that much younger than you, a few months at best!” he complained, watching you giggle at his reaction.

“okay okay, i did date someone in the past. and he kind of fucked me up like, really bad? i don’t think i gave jae the full sob story but..” you explain, the change in your tone becoming evident, “he was very manipulative, and i stuck through every little bullshit story he plotted into my head. there was no way he actually loved me, more like the idea of me. so two months later, and boom i’m at this race trying to get my head in the game.”

“like troy bolton?” his question raises your mood slightly.

“yes, like troy bolton.

“i’m so fucking sorry you had to go through that, there’s no way he deserved someone as funny and kind as you. it’s his loss.” woonhak shrugged, moving his hand slightly closer to yours until your pinkies touched.

“nah, don’t mention it. everything is finally starting to get better. and not to be sappy or anything, but you and jae have been such awesome people to hang out with. definitely made the process a lot smoother in the end.” you sigh, trying to shake off the depths of the conversation you were having.

“i’m um.. i’m glad you trust me enough to tell me these things. i’ll always be here, you know?” he mumbles, almost coming out like a whisper. despite the large crowds amongst you, it felt like it was only you and woonhak in that exact moment.

“thank you, woon. you’re sweet.” you compliment him, taking a portion from your ice cream to try it on your own. 

“you kind of missed your mouth a bit.” he laughs.

he moved his hand to the corner of your lip, gently wiping off whatever you had gotten on your face. his touch lingers for a moment too long. you already begin to feel the heat building up in your cheeks, something you haven’t felt in quite awhile.

woonhak had always been very gentle with you besides his chaotic persona. both jaehyun and woonhak have. and for the two weeks they’ve known you, you could tell that they thrived on taking care of others, especially each other; even whenever things got a little crazy in the group chat you had formed with the two of them. that’s what you admired most about their dynamic, nothing was too serious.

when he pulled his hand away from your lips, you missed the touch of his hand against your face. he tried to brush it off with a nervous chuckle, going back to the dessert in front of him. it was like nothing had happened, but the burning sensation in his chest showed that everything happened.

the rest of the day with woonhak continued like normally. there were a numerous amount of things for the both of you to do, and it felt like you got around to a decent amount of it. your feet hurt from walking around so much, but it was all worth it in the end. 

going on large scary rides that you were intimidated by, just to have the time of your life, eating so many sweets til your stomach hurt, and watching the fireworks light up the sky into a beautiful portrait of sparks. each second spent next to woonhak made you forget about every other worry, every other little thing. it was a sweet date the two of you shared, and you wouldn’t take it for granted.

but the hole in your stomach was no secret, because as you sit in woonhak’s car while he drives you home, you became scared for the date you’d have with jaehyun. was it so terrible to share such a meaningful time with woonhak, and share something so similar with his best friend the next day?

it was difficult to believe they were okay with this, and you still didn’t understand just quite. though you tried your very best to think on the bright side of things. you’d have just as much fun with jae and whatever he had planned, and it was okay if you felt strongly over one date than the other. because at the end of the day, you had to pick.

the sudden halt of the car brought you back to earth, woonhak putting his car in park and looking over to you. street lights from outside barely illuminated the expression on your face, but he knew that you were beautiful.

“today was really great, y/n. thank you for letting me take you out.” he murmured, not wanting to let you leave just yet.

“no, thank you. i really enjoyed myself, you made everything perfect.” you assure him, letting one of your hands rest on the door handle, and the other in your lap.

“text me photos and everything later, okay?”

“got it. i’ll see you later woon.” you tell him goodbye, stepping out of his car into the coolness of the night. before you start walking away, you hear the window roll down.

“do me a favor, please?” he yells out to you, making you turn your head, “have fun with jae tomorrow, i’ll be waiting for you.”

you could only nod in response before he begins to drive back down your street and out of your view. the tired in your eyes became evident as you walked up to your porch, unlocking your front door to bask in the comfortability of your home. 

whatever was in store for you tomorrow, you didn’t want to think about it for now. because in your dreams for tonight, it was only you and woonhak.

when you woke up in the morning to greet the world, it had selfishly turned its back on you. it was not in fact sunshine, rainbows, and butterflies, but in fact just the deathly sun burning you like an stove in your own bedroom. today was significantly hotter than it had been yesterday, but it was all in fun of the summer. what that told you initially was that today was going to be interesting.

you hurried yourself to get ready, slipping on an outfit that would help you battle the humid weather. a lot of things ran through your mind like wild fire as you prepared for your second date. the buzz of your phone getting notifications vibrated your vanity. finishing up as soon as you could, you sent jaehyun a message to let him know you were on your way outside.

similar to yesterday, you genuinely had zero clue what he had planned. there were only so many date ideas you could think of off the top of your head, only increasing your curiosity as you stepped down the stairs. you checked your appearance quickly on your phone before heading out the door, seeing his car parked right in front of your house.

“jae!” you wave, as he unlocks the doors for you to let yourself in.

“hi, y/n! you look really pretty, hard to find a good outfit for the weather?” he grins at you, starting to drive as soon as you’re all situated.

“can you imagine? my wardrobe is built for winter so i tried my best. guess i pulled it off then.” you replied, excitement and nervousness coursing through your veins. 

“i can always get my friend taesan to customize you some pieces if you’re ever running low on something for your wardrobe. he’s really talented so me and woon are always wearing his stuff.” he takes one hand off the wheel to point to his shoes that looked painted.

“those do look cool! might have to cop me a pair.. is taesan free tomorrow?” you joke as jaehyun just rolls his eyes dramatically.

“hey man, this is our date, let me gatekeep you just for today!” he whines.

“our date, yet i’m your man?” you quirk up an eyebrow, stifling your laughter.

“i don’t judge, woonhak is basically my man baby in disguise.” 

“myung jaehyun you are absolutely foul with these woon - baby jokes, he complained about them all day yesterday and i could not stop laughing.” you cross your arms, pretending to be serious.

“i can’t help it! he’s my baby and i stand by that until i die.” he responds, twisting and turning down the road.

“oh by the way, where are we going? you never really told me anything in our texts?” you remember to ask him.

“right! i wanted to keep it a surprise, so you’ll see when we get there.” he winks.

“god, it’s me again. is this how i get kidnapped and tied up in a basement where i’m lead to my ultimate doom?” you pray out loud, earning a chuckle from the boy next to you.

“i’m not going to steal you away, we’re almost there anyways.” he points in the direction of a large building, “see, it’s right there!”

“jae.. is that an aquarium?”

“they have games there too.”

“be right back i need to text woonhak that i’m emotionally unavailable for the rest of my life.”

jaehyun flashed you another smile, glad that you’re content with his choice of date. it was a secret to you that he was panicking last minute the night before. why did every remotely cool place have to be closed off for that specific day?

he pulled the car into a parking space closest to the entrance, though it wasn’t long before you were leaping around with excitement. your bag gently hit against your hip as you walked up ahead of him with a pep in your step. jae quickly pulled out his phone and took a couple instagram - worthy photos that he’d send to you later.

blue lighting immediately fell over the two of you like a comfy blanket, a numerous amount of fish able to be spotted from where you were standing. you stood awe - struck at the colorful water creatures that float around in their tanks while jaehyun paid for tickets.

“okay, what do you want to do first?” he hands you a ticket that you put in your pocket.

“can we go check that out? i don’t know what it is but it looks huge and i kind of want to pet it.” you move your arm into the crook of his, intertwining them together so you can lead him where you want to. 

“let us run wherever thee wants, you can take thou wherever you please, madam.”

“sorry shakespeare i want jaehyun back so i can talk to him about these cute fishies.” you frown.

“my bad that slipped out. i do that sometimes whenever my friend leehan talks about fish! i honestly wouldn’t be surprised if hes lurking around here somewhere..” he looked around suspiciously.

“you have some very interesting friends from what i’ve heard.” you think to yourself.

“don’t get any ideas or else you’ll hurt my feelings.” he purses his bottom lip.

“eww don’t do that in front of the fish, they’ll think you’re mocking them!” you point to a pink one swimming around, “look at this one! i think it’s crying.”

“underwater?”

“yes, underwater. you can tell it’s eyes are glossy.”

“..underwater?”

“i’m going to leave your ass in the dirt, jaehyun. let me live my teenage girl life looking at bright pink fish that i’m headcanoning with emotions.” 

“you are actually the cutest person ever.” he sighs, looking closely at whichever little straggler you were staring at.

“hh–” you look away from the tank, blushing at his sudden compliment.

“i like this one.” he points at an extremely puffy fish.

“aw, it looks like it just had a hardy meal. it’s puffing out its cheeks all big!” you gasp, leaning your face closer to the glass to get a better look.

“speaking of food, are you hungry at all?” he questions you.

“hmm, i’m not very hungry at the moment, but i can always eat! i might have to tucker myself out if i’m going to have a full meal though.”

“well.. they do have a game spot for all the little kids that we could totally go check out if you’re in for a challenge.” he mentioned.

“am i about to bust your ass in underwater themed dance dance revolution?” you bet.

“no, because it’s regular themed dance dance revolution, just with shark stickers all over it.” 

“don’t test me jae.”

“okay! okay, i sincerely apologize for my actions, i will admit to being the biggest loser on the planet.” he pats your back.

“the apology was a five out of ten, you need a ukelele and it might be slightly better.” you shrug, arm still intertwined with his.

you let him lead you to the supposed game area that he had his eyes on. it wasn’t the biggest attraction ever, since it was an aquarium, not an arcade, but there was still a decent amount to do. a couple of small children littered around playing games and sitting with their parents. taking a brief look around, it was mainly educational things to keep children engaged with underwater wild life

“you lied to me! they don’t even have ddr.” you complain.

“no, but they have frogger!”

“yeah, and a bunch of educational puzzles about stuff i already know.”

“okay then go and name every fish species in the ocean right this second.” he taps his foot impatiently.

“on second thought, educational puzzles are super fun!” you switch up, smiling unnaturally wide.

“see, don’t sleep on learning new information, y/n. that’s how you become wise like me.” he pokes at his temple.

“oh, right here?” you place your finger on his forehead as he nods, before you quickly flick your fingers against his skull.

“ow!”

“ah, i get it now. the more hollow it sounds the smarter you are. i must be a dumbass then.”

“ha ha very funny. we have an entire aquarium to explore! this place is for children like woonhak, i think they have exhibits where you can pet the fish? kind of like sea world i guess.” he rambles, yet keeps you intrigued.

“sounds like a better idea, let’s go look around.” you exclaim, grabbing onto his hand instead of intertwining arms. 

exploring the depths of the ocean, as jaehyun would say, was fun as well as stress inducing. running around hand in hand with him was always interesting, and there were so many different fishes to look at. putting it simply by saying you ‘had fun’ was a complete understatement.

you both often compared the fishes funny faces to people you knew, and jae was getting a kick out of it especially. even though woonhak wasn’t there, he was there in spirit with the hundreds of fish the two of you named after him to get a quick giggle. not only that, you poked fun at one another in the exact same way. a puffer fish a couple tanks down was named jaehyun, and it’s cute mate was named y/n.

catching glimpses of anything and everything, it had felt like you explored the entire building. though besides the funny moments you shared together, the atmosphere itself was romantic. jaehyun thought you looked prettiest under this lighting, when the darkness of the tunnel you were both in meant he could barely make out your facial features, but he just had the feeling in his gut you looked ethereal.

exchanging glances often, the blush never left one anothers cheeks. the day was coming to an end, something that you were dreading especially tonight. you attempted to forget about the decisions you’d have to make, and just bask in the warmth of being with him.

“i don’t want to leave yet.” he looked sad, swinging your arms back and forth.

“i have a curfew you know, but i don’t want to go either.” you reminded him.

“actually, i have an idea. come with me!” he leads you around the corner into a gift shop, where they have a large selection of merchandise to choose from.

“ooo, sea stuff!”

“pick out anything, and i’ll buy it for you.” he offers, pulling his wallet out of his pocket.

“oh my gosh, does this mean i’m your sugar baby?” you hinted, nudging him with your elbow.

“does that give me brownie points?”

“i’ll think about it.”

“then you can interpret my answer however you please.” he declared, “now pick out something, they have a lot of cute stuffed animals here.”

“this seal has been eyeing me since we came in here, i don’t know.. it looks pretty cute.” you pick up the fluffy creature and poke at its eyeballs.

“i don’t think it’s going to be able to eye you anymore after that one.” he gulped.

“even better. i choose this one!” you hold it in front of his face as he takes it from you.

“what if i told you i forgot my wallet and you actually have to buy it yourself?” he non discreetly hides his wallet behind his back.

“shucks! guess i have to nuke the planet, because i would die if you didn’t have your wallet.”

“you’re so dumb.” he laughs, taking the stuffed seal up to the register to pay.

“you’re the one that likes me though, so who’s losing here?” you retorted.

“not me! you’ll like me eventually, maybe? if i try hard enough.” he takes the receipt from the cashier and thanks them, handing you the stuffed animal.

“for starters, this seal might have.. sealed the deal.” you do a dramatic wink, following him back out to the car.

“i might have to sit back for that one..”

“stop it, don’t lie! it was kind of funny. i just came up with it on the spot.”

“y/n, get in the car and i’ll show you some real comedy.” he clicks the lock on his car, opening the door.

“is the joke where you kidnap me and tie me up, then it turns into one of those cop shows?” you ask, putting on your seatbelt.

“i don’t know, let’s find out!” he claimed.

the ride home was just as entertaining as the date, jaehyun constantly saying something he thinks it funny, just for you to not laugh as revenge. it went on like this for awhile, but you always gave into him. when the tone quiet down, and all you could hear is music playing from the aux, you got a chance to reminisce about the day you had.

jaehyun was a very genuine person, always sweet and able to joke about everything. it felt like you were able to connect with him very quickly. on top of that, he got you a cool stuffed seal to keep as a souvenir on your bed.

when you pulled back into your culdesac, you knew it was time to say goodbye and thank him for the day. after unbuckling yourself and collecting your bag on the floor, you give him a soft smile.

“it was a really lovely day today, thank you so much, jaehyun!” you thank him.

“of course, i had a lot of fun too.” he leaned an arm on the center console, almost admiring you as you thanked him.

“and thank you for the stuffed animal, i’m not sure what i want to name it yet. you should text me ideas!” you recommend.

“cute, i will definitely make sure to. you make sure to text me later too, okay?” his words almost stopped your world for a second, as the integrity of the situation was weighing on you once again.

“y– yes! yes i will. i’ll see you later, jae!” you hurry out of his car and wave him goodbye. as soon as he’s down the street, you sit yourself down on the curb to think for a second.

you had to choose between these two boys, and the weight was becoming extremely heavy on your shoulders. it felt almost impossible, but you swore that one of them pulled you in a little more than the other. all you needed was time to think.

woonhak planned a very wonderful date, and you had a lot of fun on it. jaehyun also planned a wonderful date, which was what conflicted you the most. was it the place they took you, or how it felt to spend time with each of them?

though your mind was still reeling, you scrambled around in your bag for your car keys with an idea in your head of where you wanted to go. just a fifteen minute drive and a phone call. that’s all you needed.

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RACE TO YOUR HEART series

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[cassbrookes]

Where: Cass's House When: Late evening Who: @solreznik

The last 72 hours had been an absolute roller coaster of emotions for Cass, and to say she was exhausted was an understatement. Mentally and emotionally, anyway. Her body still felt keyed up and on edge, like she'd never really stepped back from the edge she'd been pushed to.

Her meeting with the council had been far shorter than she'd expected, on account of the fact that Andy - fucking Andy was there. They'd all but given up hope on her brother by then, and Renee had even started to move on. Cass was ecstatic to have her oldest brother back, to know that Renee had her husband, and that the boys had their father. That Andy would finally get to meet Henry! There was so much to be grateful for, and while she'd managed to hold up the front she'd been putting on for everyone, she felt strangely removed from the elation she knew was there. Like it was buried beneath everything else that had piled up. Andy had needed sleep as he was still recovering, so she'd headed out before Alex, reassuring the eldest brother that she'd be back to see him tomorrow, and letting Alex know that she was meeting Sol at the house so he wasn't surprised when they were both there.

After a brief stop in the barn to see that Zodiac was settled in, she trudged her way up to the farmhouse, hand on the doorknob before she realized that Sol had settled himself into one of the rocking chairs there. "Hey, you could've waited inside, ya know," she said teasingly, gesturing for him to follow her inside.

The moment they were inside and the door was closed behind them, she turned and wrapped her arms around Sol. "I really need you right now," she admitted in a raspy voice, before burying her face against his chest, her entire body shaking as she started to sob wordlessly.

#c: sol #sol:07 #solreznik

[signalterminated]

puella madoka magica au

Reality is coming down around them.

II can feel the fabric of it warp and bend, tears carved at a molecular level spilling antimatter across the sky. A kaleidoscope of color shimmers high above them like a bursting star. Scattered infrared trickles down as particulate, psychedelic nuclear fallout. The taste is akin to pop rocks candy mixed with battery acid. It fizzles on the tongue. Nauseating like a free fall, that split second suspension before a roller coaster drop.

II hasn’t been on a roller coaster since he was a teenager. He breathes out slowly, trying to orient himself in the non euclidean geometry reshaping the ruins around them, spreading like an infection. 

To say they’ve fucked up is an understatement.

They were fools for thinking they could bring Sleep through to the other side. As if they could contain the endless possibility of a thing not meant to be contained, not meant to walk or float or do anything other than be. Oh, He had wanted, yes, and wanted so badly, but He’d been unable to conceive of what that wanting truly meant. How do you picture a color that doesn’t exist, the inversion of everything you are?

It turns out neither had they. They’d simply listened to the want that throbbed in their bones like an ache, trusting blindly that a god would have figured it all out already, gifting them glory and ascension with His emerging as promised. 

But collapsing the barrier between domains hadn’t brought anything other than the collapsing, and now III and IV are gone. 

The First Vessel writhes at his side, and this concerns him more than anything else. 

II musters what energy he has to lean over, chewing his lip to pieces, hands hovering over his beloved friend but unsure of where to place them. This wasn’t supposed to happen. III and IV’s demise, the agony The First displays as he claws at the ground, it's all a composite of every nightmare he’s ever had — only pinching himself won’t make it stop.

“What’s wrong?” II’s voice is tight with worry bubbling over into panic. How quickly helplessness can chew away at his resolve and leave him scrambling. “Please, tell me how I can help.”

Vessel’s throat strains but the only thing he can manage is a whimper. He’s jerking side to side as if he’s trying to hold on, or…no, like he’s trying to keep something in. Fighting back an invisible force raging within.

II’s blood goes cold. His hand darts out to cup a masked cheek, calling out his name yet again, pleading with him to hold on, to focus on his voice, please, he’s right here — 

Vessel’s body snaps upward like a stop motion marionette. II barely has time to register the crack of snapping bones before Vessel’s jaw drops open to let out a scream unlike anything he’s ever heard. It lances directly through II’s skull, pure anguish amplified into a sonic tidal wave that has him drawing his arms up on instinct. 

Thinking past that noise is impossible. It echoes off of shattered glass and rubble until II’s certain the whole world will be swallowed by it. It’s like his soul is being dissolved while he’s still breathing, a violent disintegration of being. A blur of opalescent darkness arcs up from him and shoots into the sky like a bolt of cosmic lightning.

The First Vessel is dying. Sleep is dying, too. 

What’s reborn from their desiccated husks is neither man nor god. Misshapen, malnourished, desperate to exist yet unable to bend to the laws of the universe it’s been thrust into. It cries and the air around it emits superheated vapor, blowing out then turning in on itself to form localized vacuums. The dreams of countless minds spill out from a shifting sea of mouths all caught muttering and giggling and sighing and sobbing, vomiting blurs of sound and light that II can’t bear to look at. They morph and tremble, uncertain now that they’re free, painting the landscape in shadows wherever they crawl.

The ground around them is starting to grow teeth.

“Why?” II can barely hear himself over the cacophony rising from the apocalypse in motion. Tears spill down his cheeks and crystallize. “I don’t understand.”

The thing that is not god or a man is laughing. 

“Why did this have to happen?”

The thing that is not a god or a man is weeping.

Black tar is gurgling underneath him, rising like a tide. Hands sprout from the muck to latch onto his limbs and drag him down with exponential speed. He doesn’t fight it. His head is still craned to the sky, to what remains of the man he loves, and he closes his eyes to pray for one last wish. 

This can’t be how it ends. If he could just turn back the clock he’d stop this from ever happening, do things right, save all of them, he could he could he could —

He opens his eyes to a white ceiling and an alarm blaring in his ears. It figures the afterlife would be noisy and...familiar? That's the word. There's an uncomfortable warmth radiating from the soft sheets beneath him and the duvet above, body heat trapped between both after hours of rest. A mundane discomfort.

Wait a second.

He violently kicks off the sheets tangled around his sweaty legs and slams his palm on the snooze button, heart at a gallop. Dull blue light leaks through the cheap venetian blinds at his window.

His window. This is his room, in his flat, in…

He scrambles for the smartphone left precariously at his bedside table, tapping it on. The date on the lockscreen is January of 2016.

Oh, shit.

Either his brain has just taken him on the longest, most wickedly lucid nightmare of his entire life, or he’s been granted a miracle. 

#sleep token #behold: the au nobody asked for

[btskitten7]

Ａｃｑｕｉｒｅｄ Ｌｏｖｅ || ｐａｒｔ ｔｈｒｅｅ

➭fic pairing: Jungkook x Female oc, Yoongi x Female oc, Hoseok x Female oc.

➭current wc: 2.6k words

➭genre: smut, angst, domestic relationships, baby daddy/baby momma drama. Some fluff!

➭rating; M (throughout fic)

➭warnings: everyone except for Hoseok, is a little toxic 🤭

➭summary: the one where you realize Jungkook still isn’t ready.

It’s currently three in the morning. Exactly three hours before you’re supposed to get up and ready, four hours before you drop your princess to her dad’s and five hours before you go in to work.

To say that this weekend was a roller coaster would be an understatement.

From getting wrapped up with Jungkook again, Yoongi popping up at your house, although he claims you called him drunk the night before, and Hoseok just being the sweet guy he is and checking on you. It’s a tad overwhelming.

All you craved was sleep, an sweet escape from the real world.

Unfortunately, your eyes wandered back to the clock, every second it seemed. Dreading the moment that you had to go work and face Yoongi after this weekend. You guys haven’t spoken much since the last encounter with Jungkook and you kinda figured that.

What were you supposed to say? Yoongi caught you red-handed fucking your ex. What is there to say? “Hey best friend, so about saturday? Yeah me and Jungkook were-“

You couldn’t even come up with an explanation, everything just sounded painfully pathetic.

To make matters even worse, Hoseok texted you while you were out with Jungkook.

Hoseok 🫧: when can I see you again?

Hoseok 🫧: ive been thinking about you. And I think I want to continue seeing you.

Now you really didn’t want to be seen. You’ve seen how these types of things end in the movies. Someone always ends up with a broken heart. Even though there’s plenty of amazing sex, there was too much confusion and anxiety.

Something you had enough of being a mother.

Gratefully, your daughter woke up in need of her mother, a distraction. Perfect.

Waltzing to baby girl’s room and to her crib, you saw her squirming around the crib, begging for her mama’s attention.

“There, there my pretty girl. Mommy’s here” you smiled, taking her into your arms and kissing her head before taking her back to your room. “You always save mommy from her mind”

After giving her the needed cuddles and feedings, you laid with little Aera until it was time for you to wake up–which– wasn’t an issue for you since sleep was nonexistent for you.

You got Aera ready like you did normally when you got an call from the one you wish to avoid.

Yoongi.

You took a deep breath and answered the call, thanking God that it wasn’t a facetime.

“Hello?,,

“What time do you take Aera to her father’s?,,

‘’Around 7 but lately he’s been slacking so 7:20 ish. Why? Is everything okay?,,

“ Mhm, just thinking we should carpool. I can get my Aera cuddles for the day and we could grab breakfast before we head into work. ,,

Yoongi’s morning voice is something you could never get over. It was deep as if his voice wasn’t already deep and it was “send you over the moon” raspy, overall a ten out of ten, you would recommend.

“ Oh, okay cool. I don’t mind that at all, I’ll be ready before you get here ,,

“ Perfect, I should be there at 7 ,,

Honestly, you were shitting bricks.

You couldn’t believe you just agreed to allow Yoongi, the same one who walked in on you getting pleasured by the man he hates by the way, to give you a ride to that same man’s house.

Were you drunk or something?? You asked yourself over and over.

You didn’t want Yoongi to think you were being weird about what happened. You didn’t even want him to know that it kept you up all night, you had to be normal.

Which isn’t hard. It’s just Yoongi…

Exactly, it’s Yoongi. Just your best friend.

But no matter how many times you told yourself that, you were still nervous.

You were putting your’s and Aera’s bag together when you heard a knock on the door.

A little confused, you hesitated a bit but answered as quickly as you could.

It was Yoongi.

“You’re early” you said letting him in to which he hummed.

“I got bored and I wanted to see Aera”

Yoongi headed over to your baby girl and kissed her chubby cheeks.

Watching Yoongi, you wondered why he wanted to carpool. It wasn’t out of the ordinary but it still made you think.

Yoongi avoided eye contact with you the whole drive to Jungkook’s house for some reason.

Probably because he couldn’t sleep peacefully last night either.

————-

Yoongi got ready for bed the same way he usually does.

Dinner, a little work, shower, then bed.

But ever since he heard your encounter with Jungkook and seeing you in that damn robe-

That damn robe.

He hated that robe.

The way it sat was so fitting on your perfect body. Displayed everything he wanted to see.

The roundness of your breast, that he craved so much.

The curves , gosh, your curves sent him into overdrive.

Your thighs, your fucking thighs. How he would love to have his head right between-

’Wait a second’ he thought to himself.

Why is he thinking like this?

Shaking his head, he thought a shower would help but it only made the thoughts worse.

He couldn’t get the image of himself, fucking, you against the shower wall.

Yoongi didn’t even want to watch tv at this point, he just knew he needed to go straight to bed.

But it didn’t stop there. His hand wrapped around his growing member letting out a relaxed sigh from the relief of pressure.

One thing led to another and now he fucking himself to the thought of you.

He was so wrapped up in the moment, he had half a mind to take Jungkook up on his offer to watch him eat you out even though he would much rather be the one eating.

————————

“It’s this one right here” you reminded Yoongi, pointing to Jungkook’s home.

He remembers exactly where he lived but didn’t even bother to respond to tell you that since it really didn’t matter. He just nodded and turned into the parkway, looking over to you.

“Do you need me to help you with anything?”

You shook your head

“I got it, I shouldn’t be long”

You hurried out the car with Aera’s bag as well as her kicking body in your arms, after retrieving her from the car seat.

After getting to Jungkook’s door, you lifted your hand to knock when you noticed faint pants and groans from the other side. Frowning softly, you started to grow a little concerned until you heard a giggle followed by Jungkook’s deep chuckled.

“We need to hurry, my baby’s mother is going to be here any minute babe”

“So?” You could hear her remark, followed by Jungkook humming and sounds of lewd kissing.

“So, my daughter will be here and I don’t want her getting pissed because you’re here”

“Why would she care? You’re not together anymore” she teased. “Are you?”

That hit you like a ton of bricks, more than it should.

He’s right though, you aren’t together. No matter how much you end up in his bed or him in yours, you aren’t his.

And clearly, he doesn’t belong to you either. It’s time you come to terms with that.

Doesn’t change how much it hurts though.

Jungkook grew quiet. For some odd reason you thought, maybe he’ll say what you guys are or something to reassure you that you aren’t making a mistake.

But that’s asking for too much of Jungkook. Clearly.

Your eyes grew glossy but you didn’t decide to wait around any longer to find out what he would even say, you knocked on the door, stopping the conversation before it could progress.

You could hear the panic in Jungkook’s voice as he spoke to whoever he was with before opening the door. His eyes met with yours, softening.

“Hey—hey are you okay?” He asked showing so much concern as if he wasn’t the one hurting you.

You scanned over his body and counted the many love marks. The ones you made just the other day were still visible under the ones the lady just made. Jungkook stood there clueless until you scoffed.

Putting the pieces together he quickly tried to cover the marks but rubbing his neck softly, mainly in embarrassment.

“I’ll see you Sunday” your voice was deadpan and you had no emotion on your face when you spoke to him, but your eyes showed your sadness.

Kissing Aera’s cheeks, you handed her to him along with her bag and proceeded down the hall. Jungkook sighed and called out to you.

“Y/n, wait! Y/n!”

You didn’t turn back and you didn’t acknowledge him at all.

Making it back to Yoongi’s car, you were so close to letting it all spill.

But Yoongi didn’t have to see you cry to know something happened.

“You alright?” His deep voice asked you, comfort at its finest.

“I will be..I will be”

————

Jungkook sighed and closed the door, looking down at Aera.

Her bright smile was almost enough to make him forget about the scene before him.

“Oh Jungkook! Is this your daughter! She’s so beautiful!”

Jungkook smiled and nodded.

“She’s gorgeous, like her mama.” He said, whispering the last part.

“She looks like Y/n’s little girl.” She said smiling softly, jungkook frowns. ‘Please don’t tell me’ he pleaded to himself.

“You know yn?”

She nods.

“We work together. Which is why I should be going, she hates when members of our team are late, especially when we have a meeting first thing once we clock in,” she started, “wait, you know yn?”

‘Of course I do, that’s my ex. The mother of my fucking kid. The one I’m trying to give her another one of my kids.’ Jungkook wanted to say but he didn’t want to cause drama or make you feel uncomfortable at your job. Yoongi already had something against him, clearly he didn’t need to give him another reason.

“We know each other, but it wasn’t anything too serious. Just don’t mention it”

Without questioning it any further, she kissed Jungkook goodbye after get dressed once again and hurrying out the door.

Jungkook sighed deeply before closing the door behind the woman. He didn’t even call her over to sleep with her. Last night, after he dropped Yn and Aera off, he wanted to clear himself from the women he was sleeping with. He wanted to formally get rid of them and tell them that he wasn’t interested anymore to which most accepted since he made it clear that he wasn’t looking for anyone new before hand. But she ended up waltzing by his palace with that stupid trench coat act, who even thinks of things like that these days

He always thought if someone did that for he would love it but it was the opposite. He would only love it if, you, did it.

You had a way of driving him insane with your work attire, what if you actually showed up on his door step with something enticing as that. He would give you another child on the spot, no questions asked.

Although that may be a thing of the past.

“Daddy messed up with mommy again.” He smiled down at Aera who had no idea what was going on but she was just happy to see her daddy again.

You on the other hand were fighting tears every time Yoongi or Jimin asked you if you were okay.

‘ How could he? ‘ you thought to yourself. You stupidly gave him another chance and he goes behind your back and fucks someone else.

If he doesn’t want to truly commit to you, why should you commit to him? If he’s gonna fuck everyone he sees why couldn’t you.

Pulling out your phone, you quickly called Hoseok and stepped outside.

“Hello?”

“H-hey. Sorry I couldn’t text you back earlier” you uttered “I was busy, how are you?”

“Oh it’s nothing major. I understand, you have a cute little princess to look after! I’m doing great, how are you?”

“I’m doing…mm..I could be better but I’m managing” you admitted.

“Oh? Are you busy tonight? I don’t mind stopping by and having a few drinks.” Hoseok voiced.

Ugh, you hate how thoughtful he is. You don’t hate it, but it makes you feel weird whenever it happens.

“Actually that doesn’t seem like a bad idea. Should I meet you somewhere?”

“Yeah, I’ll send you an address to one of my favorite bars.”

“Okay noted, I’ll see you later!” You smiled before hanging up and walking back inside.

Yoongi’s eyes followed your body as you walked back to your seat sitting next to him. A scow laid on your face as your phone vibrates with messages over and over.

It had to be Jungkook.

He noticed how weird you were acting when you got back into the car. Leaning over “you okay?”

“Yeah. I just had to call Hoseok back, that's all.”

“You’ve decided to see him? I thought you and Jungkook were fixing things.”

“I guess not. But I want to try things out with this Hoseok guy.”

And boy did you..

Everything was a vibe, you guys laughed, joked, and even had deep conversations with one another.

Then you started to watch a movie, cuddled up together as his hand softly pressed against your thigh, massaging them. Making your core heat up and clench around nothing.

You didn’t want to fuck him—at least not yet but the more his hands worked onto your body the more you wanted him.

One thing led to another and now you're kissing on the couch while the movie is now watching you.

He lifts your up and places you on his lap, letting his hands hold your waist and slip underneath your shirt. You never broke the kiss, not even to breathe.

But suddenly, Hoseok broke the kiss, holding your face in his hands as both your eyes fluttered open.

“A-are you okay?” You asked softly, rubbing his chin softly, causing him to smile.

“I’m perfect, I just want to make sure this is something you want, especially dealing with Jungkook’s moods and all.” Hoseok said sincerely, thoughtfully.

You sighed softly and nodded. You wanted this but a part of you felt guilty for using Hoseok as a weapon against Jungkook. No, you wouldn’t throw it in his face but you wouldn’t mind if he found out about it and got all pissy about it.

“I do want this…but you’re right. I need to take this slow and figure out this thing with Jungkook. No-I’m not getting back with him but I can imagine he’s giving you lots of shit for hanging out with me.” you said chuckling. Hoseok nodded and leaned back on your couch, his arms were still wrapped around your waist. You sat comfortably in his lap.

“He constantly gives me shit but I haven’t told him anything about us. Every day, he asks me if I’ve seen you or if we’ve done something. I just keep it short. Although I don’t want to keep what we have away from him, if there is something between us?” He states in more of a asking tone, although you don’t think he’s asking you.

In all honestly you aren’t sure of what you are with Hoseok. You knew you were friends but maybe something closer and more intimate than friends but not quite dating. You didn’t know.

Hoseok could tell he asked something you were ready to answer from your silence, “Let’s forget that yeah? Let’s just vibe.” he smiled causing you to smile, planting a small kiss onto his lips.

~~~~

“Why isn’t mommy answering? You could be sick and need her.” he mumble to Aera. Aera wasn’t even paying attention to her daddy, her little eyes were glued to the tv. All the bright colors and catchy tunes were confusing to her but it was entertaining to see. Jungkook looked at the time then back at his phone, noticing that you’ve been reading his messages but that’s it….

You just been reading his messages with is the quickest way to piss him off.

But quite frankly, you didn’t give a fuck.

#bts fanfic #bts imagine #bts jungkook #bts jhope #bts smut #bts angst #bts smut drabble #bts x reader #bts yoongi

[the-lord-of-the-things]

capping off the roller coaster drop that was the end of 2022 for me with: a migraine attack! To say the end of this year was rough would be, well, an understatement to put it mildly. The long and short of it was that after a couple years of mounting pandemic stress, I had a nasty interpersonal blowup that sent me into the worst depressive episode I’ve had in years. Genuinely, it was bad. Even now I have lingering anxiety about the inciting incident. I can’t even bring myself to interact with fallout fandom stuff again- like reblogging art and talking to other artists I like, even making fanart for people’s characters I enjoy- cause it keeps setting off my paranoia. Once burned twice shy and all that. The one upside though is that I was much better prepared for it, and I even defeated years of executive dysfunction and anxiety to finally manage to drag myself to a doctor and go ‘Listen. Shit’s fucked.’ I’m now on a prescription for my depression and anxiety, and the difference has been like night and day. Sleeping better, more energy, more spoons to deal with getting treatment for my likely adhd, and I’m starting to get back into shape after years of being too depressed to exercise. One of the casualties of the depressive episode was my creative drive, but I’m taking things slow and hopefully my inspiration to draw will come back too. In the meanwhile, here’s to a much better 2023

#a rare and somewhat in-depth personal update #about where the erin has been #there's been some fallout fandom trends like that cat ears courier one #that I've just been too anxious to participate in #and I'll admit #I'm a lil sad about it #it is what it is #but I'm hoping as the meds set in I'll start to peek out of my shell a little bit more

[tcookies777]

“Why should the establishment of a relationship always have to be the end of the story when it's literally the beginning of something new?” THANK YOU! I was thinking the same thing. A lot of fics always end with the establishment of a romantic relationship between a ship. Often times, it’s doesn’t feel like it’s worth it or a reward after reading all of the angst and drama etc. I was kinda getting worried with TAOL because there was a chapter where Kakashi has sex with another random character and it was so detailed that I skipped reading it. I got worried with that because I thought it was gonna be one of those fics where we would read the ships’ romantic escapades or sex scenes with other characters and then the pay off would only be the ship ending the story with a kiss. That doesn’t feel right to me. Like what the actual fuck??? What kind of “reward” is that after reading all that angst and drama? Like I am here for the ship. I’m not here to read their other romantic escapades. I felt like I wasted my time. I felt like I suffered through an emotional roller coaster and I don’t ever want to read fics like that ever again. This is why I steered off from reading angsty fics and just read fluff. It’s an understatement when I say I was left traumatized lol. So thank you for TAOL. Because it’s honestly kind of a rare fanfic among other Kakasaku fanfics, especially with the how it is structured and your assurance that they won’t wait until the end of the story to get together. I’ve been craving for fics like this for Kakasaku and there’s hardly anything like it. So thank you!

Oh definitely! Like, I waited soooo long to get to the smut and all I get is a kiss and, if I'm lucky, one gratuitous fuck? Hell nah, give me a whole bangfest at least. I think a lot of writers are just worried that they'll lose most or all of their audience when they draw out the story past the typical happy ever after. Most of the time with romantic stories - at least from what I've seen - what keeps the audience interested is seeing how the characters get together. I mean, we all know they do get together, but the journey is what we're in for. I think writers are worried that once that journey comes to an end, readers will get bored with what comes after. There's nothing keeping them on the edge of their seat anymore.

But that's not true, is it? I mean, look at Tangled. The film ended with Rapunzel and Eugene getting together BUT then we got that animated show that gave us a whole new journey of their relationship. Personally, I haven't seen the show myself but the point is that you can indeed write more story even after the establishment of the relationship. In fact, why not write a story that challenges the couple's love?

Yes, your fic will be longer because you have to find a new kind of conflict to push the story forward and grow the characters more. And yes, it's definitely more work and I think that's also why many writers are deterred from it because once you give your audience the happy ending that they expect/want then you're not very tempted to spend more time giving them a second dessert when they've already been sated with the first dessert. At least, I think that's what many writers assume (that, and their daunted by thought of writing a larger fic).

On the other hand, from what I've heard from the general fanfic community is that readers typically get bored when there's too much smut with hardly any story. I've seen one reader (not any of mine) once say something along the lines of "I hate when love interests officially get together and the rest of the story is pretty much just them banging in every position the writer wants just to fulfill their own sex fantasies".

So ultimately, writers don't want to put in the extra work for a dessert that not everyone may be interested in staying long enough to eat. Serving too many variations of chocolate cake will eventually put off people and, in the case of smut, it's hard to find a good balance of how much to give when the main conflict is already resolved and the love interests are officially together. Otherwise it turns into a Porn without Plot, which not everyone is into. So that's why I had to figure out how to write a story where the love interests get together in the beginning rather than the end; that way they have plenty of chapters to have sex throughout the story lol.

As for the sex scene between Kakashi and... let's call her X because I forgot her name lol, the original draft didn't have the sex scene detailed at all. But while writing the scene, I realized I couldn't effectively convey the point I was trying to make with that scene without going into detail. Because at the start of the story, it's easy for readers to assume that Kakashi's attraction to Sakura is only sexual - which is not a good look for him and certainly not my intention. So the sex scene between him and X is his way of trying to forget about Sakura, thinking that sex with a beautiful woman who's exactly his type would help him with that. But the detailed description of the sex scene proves that he wants Sakura and only Sakura - because his attraction for her runs far deeper than just sex. I could only convey that through the details of moments like X stroking Kakashi to erection and Kakashi imagining it was Sakura's hand wrapped around him, or Kakashi fucking the girl and fantasizing her as Sakura. The details were needed to portray the parallels, but otherwise I don't normally write detailed sex scenes with side characters unless it serves a thematic purpose.

As an aside though, I have a sneaking suspicion that a few readers are starting to think that the fic is almost complete. That's understandable since many fics end their chapter count somewhere in the 20s, some in the 30s, and a few 40+. But this story is nowhere near completion! As I state in the A/N at the very beginning of Chapter 1, this story is a longfic and broken into 4 ACTs much like a Shakespeare play. We are still in ACT 1 which focuses on how Kakashi and Sakura get together, and that's not so straightforward as just confessing feelings and becoming boyfriend/girlfriend with a kiss. Because their love is forbidden in almost every way possible, it's a very bumpy road, especially for Kakashi who knows it'd be absolutely immoral for him as a teacher and an older man to reciprocate Sakura's feelings, If he was a good guy, in reality we would want such a teacher to reject his student and move on, which is what Kakashi tried to do with X. But since that failed, now we have to see what he'll do next!

#cookie answers #a cookie for me #taol

[addythelarrie]

Once In A Lifetime

Intro // Part 41

It's finally lunchtime and Harry follows Zahra out to the little garden they had their lunch at the first time they met.

"You sure you're okay?" Zahra asks, patting the green eyed man's shoulder, a little frown appearing between her eyebrows. "That bump on your head looks horrible." She adds, focusing on the egg-like shape that has formed right above Harry's left brow.

A sweet smile finds its way to Harry's face and he wants to say no, he really does, because what even is this day? Never in a million years did he think that the first day of spring would be such a roller-coaster ride in only the first few hours.

"Yeah." He replies instead, letting out a heavy sigh while trying to stop his stomach from doing ten somersaults as he thinks back on what had happened earlier this morning.

"Fuck." Harry winces when his face hits the sluice room's door, the impact strong enough to have him fall backwards and land on his bum and he wants the earth to just swallow him right then and there. The gasps coming from right behind him, really only adding fuel to the fire that is his embarrassment.

Blocking out the whispers and gasps that turns into giggles, Harry flings his arm over his face, covering his eyes while falling backwards, straightening his legs as he lies there between the bedpans that was in his hands mere seconds ago, not sure whether he wants to laugh or cry.

Laugh because he's stupid, and he told a stupid lie that's now, in his mind, clearly caught up to him. Or cry, because even though he hates the shitty tasks he's been assigned to, he still loves his job, and now he's probably going to get fired. He settles on a bit of both. For a moment he just lies there, his body shaking- mostly because he's busy laughing, contemplating if he should just get up and start apologizing. Maybe he should tell them he will resign out of free will if they promise to give him a good reference should someone contact them for one. Ugh. Who's he kidding thinking he has the right to even try and make an agreement like that.

He's lying on the floor, his arm still covering his eyes when he hears someone say- "Fucking hell, love. Are you alright?"

It's a voice he's never heard before. It's a bit raspy, yet warm, but also bright- almost angelic. It's dreamy. It's... his worst nightmare coming to live when he mumbles a "Yeah" in reply while lifting his arm to see who the owner of said voice is and finds himself staring into two blue eyes that's only a few inches away from his own. He recognizes them immediately. How could he not. For a moment he even allows himself to think that the photos Mrs. Poulston had shown him don't do them any justice, because they're much more beautiful in real life.

He swallows thickly. Saying he's uncomfortable right now, would be the understatement of the century.

"Are you sure." The man he's sure is Louis, asks and Harry finds himself able to only croak out a small "yes".

The next thing he knows, Louis is asking someone to hand him a penlight and telling Harry to follow his one finger while he examines Harry's pupils before holding up a few fingers and asking the green eyed man how many he's seeing, and to his relief Harry luckily answers correctly.

"Can you sit up for me then?" Louis asks and Harry is confused as to why this man is trying to help him. Why is he busy examining him?

It's only when his eyes falls on the little name badge attached to what is clearly a doctors coat, reading the name, that he's eyes widens and he wishes they were closer to an ocean right now so he could just take a long walk off a short pier.

Of-fucking-course he has to be doctor Tomlinson.

"Harry." Louis says, his voice ever so gentle, and Harry feels like he could just melt away at the sound of the way this man pronounces his name.

His name.

He knows my name. He knows what I've done. He's gonna have me fired. He's going to embarrass me and tell everyone what I've done before he'll make sure that I never find another job in the whole of UK. Harry's thoughts are busy running away with him, scaring him really. If judging by the way he looks like a deer caught in headlights, it's evident on his face as well.

"Are you sure you're okay, love?" Louis asks again, running his fingers over Harry's forehead while the latter winces at the stinging sensation just above his left brow. "You've hit your head pretty hard." He adds, smiling down at the green eyed man who's, for reasons beyond his knowledge, too scared to say a word.

Alas, Harry decides to scrape together the last bit of courage he has left, and lifts himself onto his elbows.

"I- I'm okay." He says but judging by the frown settling on the doctor's forehead, it's evident that the man clearly does not believe him. "I promise." He adds, not missing the way the doctor's lips curves upwards into a smile that reaches his eyes, much like the ones he had seen on the multiple photos Mrs. Poulston has shown him before.

"You sure." Louis enquires. "No headache, nausea, dizziness etcetera?" He lists a few symptoms which someone with a mild concussion might have while his eyes lingers on the spot above Harry's brow.

"No." Harry whispers. "None of those." He assures the doctor.

"Good." Louis replies. "Come." He says and starts snaking his arm around Harry's back. "Let me help you up then." He says, tightening his grip as he helps the younger man to his feet and then over to a chair at the nurse's station.

"Thank you." Harry says, his eyes trained on his own fidgeting fingers, too ashamed to look the man in the eye.

"You're welcome, love." The doctor says. "I'm Louis by the wa-" he adds before Liam cuts him off.

"Doctor Tomlinson." Liam corrects sternly while having a wordless conversation with Louis, using only his eyes. "It's doctor. We don't call doctors on their first names, okay Haz?" He adds, his tone much more gentle when he addresses Harry.

With an eyeroll Louis looks back down. "Doctor Tomlinson then." He says and chuckles when the nurses around them starts giggling. "And you're the infamous Harry of whom my nan can't stop talking, yeah?" He adds, and Harry feels the blush creeping from his neck to his cheeks while managing to only nod his head in confirmation. Confused as to why introductions are being made when he's certain that this man already knows everything.

"Alright then." Liam says from right beside them. "Now that that's settled," he turns towards Lu who's made herself busy with paperwork in the meantime, visibly stiffening when Liam calls out to her. "Lu."

"Yes Matron?" She replies sweetly.

"Please accompany me to my office." He says before turning on his heels and making his way out of the unit, Lu hot on his heels and it doesn't go unnoticed that the shift leader doesn't return for the rest of the day.

Sister Sara, however takes over the shiftleading responsibilities and has Harry working closely with Zahra for the rest of the day as this is now the first actual shift where he will work as the qualified nurse he is, but mostly because doctor Tomlinson advised that he takes it easy for the rest of the day. He even demands that the nurse checks in with him every hour to make sure that he is in fact okay.

Harry doesn't quite know what to make of the whole situation, all he knows is that he needs to come clean to his friends... today still.

"Mind if I sit here for a few minutes?" An all familiar by now voice asks from right behind Harry who winces at the sound of Zahra immediately agreeing. "Thanks. Scoot over." Louis says while sliding onto the seat right next to Harry, laughing when Harry quickly moves to the other side of the seat that's big enough to fit almost three people. "You didn't have to move all the way over there, love. I don't bite." He teases, sending the green eyed man a wink and Harry wonders what Louis is trying to do to him.

"So, how's your first day back, Doc?" Zahra asks before taking a bite of her salad.

"It's been good." Louis replies, eyeing the chicken nuggets in Harry's lunchbox. "I imagined being a bit more swamped with admin, but Sun's got all of that under control I guess." He adds with a shrug. "I'm excited to get back into the theater tomorrow though." He continues and leans over just a tad. "Can I have one of those?" He asks, pointing at the nuggets while smiling bashfully. "They look scrumptious."

"Yeah, sure." Harry replies and slides the tupperware container towards the doctor. "They're a bit dry. I tried making them in the oven instead of the airfryer." He adds with a shrug and watches as the doctor takes a bite of one.

"Delicious." Louis compliments before taking a sip of his tea, watching Harry sipping on his coffee. "How's your head feeling?" He asks, his eyes lingering on the knob that's ever so visible on Harry head, noticing that it's starting to change colour now as well.

"Okay, I guess." Harry answers and takes a nugget, popping it into his mouth. He wishes he knew what Louis was playing at. Why he's dragging out this whole situation. Why he doesn't just confront him, or whatever, and get it over and done with. Why's he trying to make smalltalk with him during the only hour Harry is free and not bound to the same place he is.

Still deep in though, Harry feels his phone vibrating and reaches for it, pulling it out of his pocket and unlocking the device. His mouth becomes dry and he swallows thickly as he reads the messages that pops up on his screen.

They don't talk about it though. Niall and Em goes back to sleep while Harry goes back to work.

A little later his two friends makes their way over to the hospital to start their shift while Harry makes his way home, where he puts his phone on charge before drawing himself a nice, long, relaxing bath.

He thinks he deserves it. Today's been way too stressful. He closes his eyes, and starts humming his favourite song in an effort to drown out his thoughts on what tomorrow might possibly have in store for him. Blissfully unaware of the chaotic storm brewing in the nursing group chat at this exact moment.

Previous || Next

#larry smau #larry stylinson #once in a lifetime #smau #addythelarrie #louis and harry

[cherry-pop-soda]

a summary of the week but in meme format

#meme #memes #destiel #politics memes #politics #election memes #election #november #november 5 2020 #5 november #what even the fuck was this week though #a roller coaster would be a fucking understatement #shitpost #the johnlock thing didn’t cross my dash but i heard about it #the raybans thing also didn’t cross my dash

[thesedangeroustemptations]

Baki Boy’s and a fearless/overly-outspoken s/o

Hi y’all! This is my very first headcanon and it’s something that just came to mind while insomnia decided sleep wasn’t allowed. Some are going to have a S/O who speaks out and acts the way they do due to past feelings of restriction and inability to do so, and some are just personality traits in general so a small TW is in order I suppose. I hope you all like it! 

Baki: 

At first, he had no idea how to deal with that. He was used to Kozue who would only ever speak on her feelings when pressed for them, so when he saw his S/O immediately snap back at Yujiro for his comments and general way of being unprompted, he felt a bit of fear for their safety but also a swelling of pride began to grow in his chest. 

He knew they were free spirited and spoke their mind from the beginning, what was apart of what drew Baki to them in the first place, but in the face of The Ogre? 

He was shocked to say the least and every alarm in his head was going off to get them out of there before they ended up dead, but Yujiro simply laughed, smirked at his son and gave him a dark warning.

“Don’t let them bark harder than you can bite, that might just be what puts them down.”

The longer that they spent together, the more accustomed to their general ease with saying whatever floated through their head at the time, and lack of care for the outcome of what was said/done. 

This has lead to more than a few occasions where Baki has had to pick them up and sprint away from the situation to keep from having to beat someone’s face into an unrecognizable pulp the second an advance was made in the direction of his S/O.

He comes to appreciate their honesty and finds it easier to be around them compared to other people due to the low probability of them hiding anything from him, and it being far easier for him to tell when something is wrong.

Will ask their opinions when making big decisions because he knows they have no fear going forward in life and will tell him their exact thought process regardless of whether it fits with what he’s wanting. To them, it’s what’s best not what is wanted if you’re asking their opinion.

Would support them saying whatever is on their mind/heart, but worries for their safety when he isn’t around to watch out for them.

Loves them for them regardless of if they lack the ability to keep their feelings to themselves while Baki himself is rather reserved.

Jack:

To say he was surprised to have this tiny (anything is compared to him-) individual he hadn’t seen before snap at him for hogging the bench press during his routine workout at his favored gym would be an understatement. 

The man was an absolute giant who towered over even the tallest of men and could easily break most in half, yet here this tiny firecracker was getting angry at him. An interesting development indeed.

From then on, he set out to make it his mission to get to know this unique person. For someone to get his eye off of getting stronger and defeating his father is an award all it’s own, but for him to actively chase them was an entirely different thing. 

Does eventually win them over through a mixture of gentlemanly behavior and healthy sarcasm, while proving he’s a trustworthy person to hold their heart and guard it.

Jack found himself growing protective over them when he witnessed them exchanging heated words followed by blows over a dispute in a bar he miraculously found himself at the same time as them.

He decided that moment he was going to make them his, and he was going to keep them safe forever, especially from Yujiro. 

Hundred percent would do his best to keep them separate, but Yujiro, being Yujiro, would find a way to make his son’s life harder and intervene, belittling him in some way around his S/O and that would be the end of it. 

Jack thought he had seen them go off before? Oh, no, no. Not when it came to someone they care about deeply. They started spewing every insult they could think of at the red-headed Hanma giant, feeling not an ounce of fear in their body- that’s because all of it entered Jack’s the moment they opened their mouth.

Used every bit of endurance he built up to grab them and run as far as he could in as quick a pace as possible to get them to safety. 

Knows there’s no way he can change them, and that he wouldn’t want to. Their outspokenness was what made him fall for them after all. 

Katsumi:

This man has a thing for outspoken S/O who takes charge, he may seem like an alpha male but he would instantly fold the moment his beloved gives him the look. Is not to afraid to admit this and chalks it up to his love and respect for their opinions. 

Instantly fell for them the moment they entered Shin Shin Kai in a full-blown fit, eyes raging, nostrils slightly flaring and sights set on a member of his class. Obviously they did something wrong, but when he approached to find out exactly what was going on as any teacher would, he was instantly shut down. 

“I’m not here for you, so if you don’t want your head bit off, I’d stay the fuck out of my way”

Needless to say, he was intrigued at this type of response from someone so much smaller than him, in his own father’s dojo, and after a few more prodding questions and standing in the way of what they wanted, he got the answers he was wanting as to what was going on. 

Being the relatively peaceful guy he was, Katsumi managed to calm down the situation while somehow getting a date out of the whole scenario.

 Everyone thought he was crazy for wanting to go out with someone as outspoken and rude like that, but he saw beyond that. He could see there was someone fearless and thoughtful under there, and he wanted to see what else was buried beneath the surface. 

Man, was it worth it. They didn’t fear anything it seemed, always willing to try new activities with Katsumi and his friends, be it new roller-coaster to cliff-jumping on their days off at the ocean, it didn’t matter. They were always up for it, the acts seemingly bringing them closer each time. 

He grew to love and respect them greatly, reminding them daily how much he admires their ability to speak their mind without fear and has no issue setting anyone straight regardless of who it is.

Would never admit it to their face or out loud but he really worries about them when he’s gone, knowing that not everyone can see the kind person they are inside and could easily take their words or actions the wrong way.

One of the few who actually trains his S/O in martial arts, even just the basics, to keep themselves safe when he isn’t around. 

Doyle: 

Oh boy. 

This idiot would be voted most likely to attempt to kill his S/O for opening their mouth about how he doesn’t seem as tough as everyone is making him out to be. 

Has the hardest time out of all of the men to adapt to having a S/O who speaks whatever comes in their mind and letting him know exactly what they think of his actions, good or bad. This is not something he is used to and not being able to just leave or kill the person saying it was something that was completely new to him. 

Would be the definition of opposites attract. Doyle is known for being more reserved, keeps things to himself and generally reminds others of a cat with his observant and quiet behavior. In comes his lover who is open about her thoughts and feelings regardless of who asks, will shout and loudly express themselves when upset or frustrated, and is basically a dog personified. 

Doyle catches himself watching their surroundings more cautiously when they go out due to not knowing exactly what is going to slip out of his lovers mouth, and being fully prepared to cut the tongue out of anyone who dared breath in their direction wrong.

Eventually he learns what will set off his S/O quicker and what is the best ways to calm them down when they are feeling like they need to be heard about a certain scenario. 

He’s a very observant man, and when spending nearly everyday with a person he cares for, he will swiftly find ways to make things easier for them without their noticing. He can’t have them thinking he cares too much. 

Around the other inmates or Yujiro Hanma is the only time Doyle feels any inclination of fear, prompting a fight, flight, or freeze response to which he typically chooses the middle option with his S/O in toe. 

He would rather be viewed as a coward for fleeing with what is his than lose it because they don’t have the ability to keep their damn mouth shut for someone looking at either of them wrong. 

Would enjoy having a S/O who expresses what they’re feeling, but would hope for one who had some sentiment of common sense so he didn’t have to constantly worry. 

Retsu: 

Probably handles them the best out of all of the boys to be honest. 

Is used to hotheaded and outspoken people himself already (*cough* Katsumi *cough*), while also having been one in his past, Retsu is the most suited to dealing with their outbursts and reckless actions due to a lack of fear. 

Likely met his S/O while in Japan for the Maximum Tournament and overheard them going off in the distance about something that was a passion of theirs that they felt had been disrespected. 

Retsu could relate given his overprotective nature in regards to his Chinese Kenpo, so when he saw them chest to chest, red-faced and still going at it while showing no signs of backing down, he knew he had to step in and defuse the situation before their beautiful/handsome face was ruined over an argument.

Has no problem with letting them rant and rave about things their passionate about or that bothered them throughout the day/week that they managed to hold in for Retsu’s sake.

Expresses his feeling the easiest out of the men except for possibly a tie with Baki, so makes it known that he worries for their safety and wants them to try their best to keep it together while they’re apart, being rewarded with whatever treat they would like followed by cuddles and a venting session. 

Comes up with different means for them to let out their frustrations with the world without having to blow up on everyone/everything that upsets them; i.e. gives them swearing coloring books to create art out of every swear word/insult they could think of.

Doesn’t want his S/O to keep things inside or to change, he just simply wants them to learn there is a time and a place for going off about things you’re passionate about, but when faced with the strongest being in the world? That is not the time, and even someone like Retsu, who believed that nothing could beat Chinese Kenpo, could recognize that.  

If things ever got heated out in public and his S/O began to argue with another person, don’t think for a second that Retsu wouldn’t break a man’s jaw for talking to his love with any kind of bass in their voice.

Loves and accepts his S/O for who they are, but is likely to help try and gently mother hen them into channeling that into a healthier outcome. 

#baki headcanons #baki the grappler #katsumi orochi #retsu kaioh #baki hanma #jack hanma #doyle #headcanon #im sorry if this is bad #i tried #4 am posts

[moonsdesolatevoid]

creepypasta gaming hc’s

- this is based off my friend and i’s group version </3

- ben is a gamer, we all know this. but he streams three to four times a week on twitch

- he plays a variety of genres, usually it’s open world or horror

- he has the cool twitch layout themes, probably has a lot of zelda overlays

- he even made an animated avatar for stream </3

- his roommate jeff occasionally appears in streams and not by choice

- he’ll go to ask ben a question and he’s just mid stream. and ben’s viewers are shouting in chat. and ben just think they’re fucking with him </3

- and they manage to clip jeff walking in all surprised before he starts sneaking up to bens chair

- to say ben flew in the air is an understatement. he’s going to deny it though

- has the cool led light set ups around his ceiling and around his pc (usually it’s in the color red or green maybe even blue or purple)

- the neighbors have called the police at least once because they thought there was a murder with how much screaming was going on in the apartment

- ben will have katie and olivia pop in a lot to play games with him <3

- a lot of the games are dbd, friday the 13th, among us, and a lot of other co-ops

- he managed to convince the whole group to play among us

- needless to say it was a roller coaster

- jeff almost always got voted off first, even if he wasn’t the imposter

- jane, olivia, and tim are to blame for that

- ben, brian, and katie are usually actually trying to piece things together like the game is intended

- but the first couple of rounds in the beginning each time among us is played is all goofy and stupid

- expect a lot of shits and giggles

- there has been harry potter themed games </3

- dumbledore (toby) killed harry (jane) by accident but to be fair no one actually had their actual names above their head along with the character name

- the gang love to join the twitch stream to watch

- especially when the trio is playing

- there is a lot of teasing from the comment section

- the amount of screaming and sarcasm that is being done in those streams please help them

- toby, jane, katie, and brian love to play minecraft together and build little villages and go on adventures

- they all have the cool realistic filter for minecraft that just makes it even more nice

- when katie is going on stream for minecraft expect a lot of meme compilations that come from either ben, olivia, or whoever is watching

- olivia and tim are more strategic based but they do love games outside of that

- there was a time where chess was being played via computer and let’s just say jeff has beated tim once

- he never lets him live that down

- ben does speedruns of games every so often as well </3

- jane enjoys playing stardew valley or any calming game

- she has a relationship with leah </3

- she also has a pig mine because truffles are where it’s at

- toby really loves games with flowers in it?? because he’s hc to be a florist <333

- ben and katie have raced to see who could beat botw faster

- ben lost even with all his time save techniques

- olivia and ben have played lego harry potter together

- and instead of progressing they run each other over with the sled

- the amount of times that’s happened is ungodly,,, yet they go into a giggle fit every time

- olivia plays splatoon two the most

- she plays solo in the beginning

- teaches the group how to play

- needless to say, her and jane like to play the game together

- olivia also plays darkest dungeon and she plays with jeff he sees it as a bonding moment

- brian and tim would also enjoy the game and would pop in to play with olivia <3

- when jane and toby get together they often do rpg’s or “domestic” games together <333

- three of the group members are in college, and so when they are stressed they’ll try and take a break to play a round of super smash bros

- and speaking of smash bros

- and nintendo in general

- the group play mario kart, smash bros, and mario party every so often

- the chaos is astronomical,,, even the most calm and collected people are yelling

- one of the guys jeff have definitely sulked in the corner once because they got wiped out in mario kart

- there are a lot of character mains in smash and mario kart </3

- overall a whole ass vibe <3

#creepypasta hcs #creepypasta #this is more based on my friend and i’s representation of the group </3 #ben drowned #jeff the killer #jane the killer #masky #hoodie #ticci toby #gaming hc’s

[davidpastrsnack]

hi! idk if u take requests but pld calling you after the 5 ot game and he’s just so drained, frustrated and exhausted and all he wants is for u to be there but you can’t so you just talk over facetime until he falls asleep

i absolutely love this and it’s straight where my mind went after yesterday

To say you were in shock was an understatement. Your nerves were already so high even before puck drop, but here you were now, seven periods later still on the edge of your seat. The hockey fan inside of you was loving it, but your heart dropped every time the camera panned to Pierre, his face riddled with frustration and exhaustion. 

The series against Toronto was such an emotional roller coaster and the guys barely had time to process their series victory before they were thrown into another. And of course it was the Lightning, so the pressure was on for them to continue to prove themselves. Your thoughts were interrupted with the sound of the buzzer as both teams headed back into the locker rooms yet again. 

You doubted Pierre was checking his phone during these many intermissions but you couldn’t help sending him a message. If anything it was to make you feel better. 

hi baby. i’m so proud of you. keep it going, i know you can! 

It felt cheesy, but you didn’t know what to say so you pressed send anyway. You settled back into the couch, pulling the hood of one of the many sweatshirts he left behind for you over your head. The warm fabric gave you so much comfort, still smelling like a mix of his detergent and cologne. 

Before you knew it they were back on the ice for the eighth time. All things considered they looked pretty good, the adrenaline keeping their legs going, but there was no hiding the emotion on Pierre’s face. He wanted to win so badly, and you knew he would happily play all night if that’s what it took. 

And that’s when it happened. You looked down at your phone for a second to reply to your friend when you heard the announcers yelling. Your heart sank as you saw the Lightning clear the bench and huddle on the ice, celebrating an oh so sweet win. The Blue Jackets didn’t linger, heading right down the tunnel before you could even catch a glimpse of Pierre. 

You texted him again, doing whatever you could to make him feel better.. 

i’m still so so so proud of you luc. i love you. 

You knew exactly what he needed. Pierre was the definition of a gentle giant, always wanting to be as close to you as possible. After a rough loss, the night never failed to end with his big body laying on top of yours, your hands running through his curls as he drifted asleep.  

But you couldn’t give that to him right now.

You switched the channel to the show you were watching before, nearly six hours ago by now. You knew it would take him a while to call you, so you started getting ready for bed as you waited. 

Just as you were about to get up from the couch you heard your phone ping. 

Luc: thank you babygirl. media will probably be a while but i’ll be there soon. 

You smiled down at the screen, your face still turning pink at the pet name even after so long together. It was his go to since the day you met and never failed to make your heart flutter. 

It was nearly an hour later and you were finally tucked into bed, the mental fatigue of watching the game hitting you. Your eyes were slipping shut and your head was getting heavy against the pillow, but you were startled awake by the buzzing of your phone. You quickly sat up, answering his facetime call right away. 

“There’s my girl,” he smiled. 

“Hi Luc,” you murmured back. “How are you?”

He chuckled at your words, clearly having been better. He was back in his hotel room alone, laying in bed like you were. He had no shirt on and his many tattoos were peeking out from beneath the white comforter. 

“I’m alright, you know, just another game over here,” he deflected. 

“Luc,” you whispered. “Are you okay?”

He gave you a soft smile, sighing before he spoke, “I’m okay. It just fucking blows that we lost after that,” he mumbled. 

“I know baby. You guys looked great though, next game is all yours.”

He gave you a soft smile, but no words. There was no denying that your usually cheery boyfriend was defeated, and your heart broke as you watched him in front of you. 

“Your legs feel alright?” you asked. 

“Yeah, I honestly feel pretty good. I’ll let you know in the morning though,” he laughed, a small victory for you, but his tone quickly took another turn. 

“I really wish you were here,” he mumbled. “I need you.”

“Luc,” you whispered, not trusting your voice as you felt your eyes sting with tears. 

“Fuck, no baby, it’s okay,” he cooed, not wanting to make you cry. He didn’t know if he could hold it together if you lost it. 

You took a deep breath, gathering yourself before speaking. 

“It’s absolutely killing me not being there with you,” you muttered. 

Pierre sighed, “We’re gonna make it, okay? I’ll be back before you know it, I promise.”

You nodded, putting on your best smile as you held eye contact through the screen. 

“Stay on? Sleeping without you is the hardest part,” he trailed off. 

“Of course,” you reassured. 

It didn’t take long for Pierre to succumb to the physical and mental exhaustion of the night. The sound of his soft snores filled your room, quickly sending you off as well. Despite not being together, Pierre knew he was never really alone as long as you were a phone call away.  

#pierre luc dubois #pld #pierre luc dubois imagine #nhl imagine #hockey imagine #my writing #blurbs

[longitud-de-onda]

mistakes like this, pt. 4

pairing; javier peña x reader summary; you dumbasses finally get over your inability to communicate rating; m warnings; angst, talking about sex and alcohol and sort of talking about consent word count; 3.0k a/n; never thought my first time writing smut would turn into a four part series. and now its done and i loved writing this. i’m thinking about some side pieces from javi’s perspective and/or an epilogue (maybe smutty?), so i’ll leave y’all on the taglist unless you request to be removed. enjoy! previous; part one, part two, part three

mistakes like this masterlist

“Y/N, I’m so sorry.”

“Javi—” you started. You were tired and it was late. Your stomach was churning at the sounds of the previous half-hour. “You need to leave.”

You closed the door only for it to be stopped, inches from the frame.

“Wait! Y/N,” Javier said, “I can’t lose you.”

You knew the sound of tears in someone's voice. Hell, you sounded the exact same when talking to Connie. You didn’t pity Javier the way you assumed Connie pitied you, but you couldn’t help but wonder what had happened and why he was at your door, again. 

“You already did, Peña.” Your voice came out cold and flat. 

“I know and I fucked up,” he said. 

You laughed. That was the understatement of the century. 

“Yeah. And I lost my best friend.” You took a deep breath. “Javi, I don't have the energy for this, I just want to go to sleep. You’ve done enough damage today.”

As much as you didn’t want to admit it, you were still recovering from everything Javier had said. It hurt, knowing he didn’t care. That you had gone from being everything to one another, to being practically nothing. You wanted him back, but you knew you couldn’t ever be the same around him. It was too hard. 

Javier was still standing in the doorway. Maybe saying what you had was too harsh. Too hard for a guy who had clearly been crying and was only half-dressed. But you were still processing what he had done. Hearing him fuck another woman, so soon after you fought, so soon after treating you like trash. 

It had hurt more than you expected it to. 

You weren’t in a relationship, so he had all the right to do it. But that didn’t cushion the blow. You had just admitted you loved him. To Connie, and to yourself. Hearing him only felt like the final twist of a knife you never expected to have been impaled in your chest. 

You motioned to turn around, about to close the door again. 

“I love you.”

You froze. Javier’s eyes were wide and his mouth parted in shock at his own words. 

Once you recovered from those words, ones you hadn’t heard spoken to you in a long time, ones that had probably not come out of Javier’s mouth in a long time either, the humor of it all struck you. 

He said he cared about your friendship. He said he was scared of losing you. He said he loved you. But all his actions didn’t match up. There was no way he could be telling the truth, no way that the two of you felt the same way about each other. That didn’t happen to people like you: DEA agents working their asses off, numb to everything, killing people. You didn’t get happy endings like that.

You laughed out loud, and Javier still stood there, watching.

“Is that why you fucked someone else?” you asked.

Javier paused, something flashing across his eyes. Fear, maybe? You maintained eye contact with him, waiting for a response. Anything to explain the roller coaster of emotions that was now flooding your body.

“I thought I had lost you, I needed to, you know,” he said, “but all I could think of was you.” 

He was looking down at the ground, and you thought you heard a sniffle but you couldn’t be sure. This wasn’t the Javier you knew. Not the cocky asshole who would push people away and throw up a middle finger at the first sight of emotions. This was someone else. Someone giving up their shell, baring themselves to you. 

“I said your name,” Javier whispered.

You couldn’t help your heart from soaring at those words before feeling the pang of guilt. You imagined him in bed with the woman, how she would have been enamored by him. Like everyone was. Like you were. How at the heat of the moment, no matter how impersonal things were, Javier let out another person's name. You had felt that sting before, sometime back in college, and you wouldn’t wish it on anyone. No matter how much that meant Javier was honest in his words to you.

“That just makes you an asshole. To at least two women today,” you spit out. 

“And I want to make it up to one of them,” Javier said, pleading.

“Saying you love me doesn’t fix things,” you said. You were wary with your words. Javier might love you, but you couldn’t ignore that he never did relationships. Who was to say he would be able to do one with you?

“I know. Can I explain myself?” he said. At least he was trying.

You wanted to push him away. Slam the door on him and try to forget. This had only further complicated things. You wanted to give him a shot, but he had proven time and time again, over five years, that he wasn’t interested in relationships. You couldn’t trust that he wouldn’t fail you.

But then again, what other woman had he sacrificed nights out for? All so that you could vent about work or sit and drink with him. You were so close, it could practically be considered dating. That is, if you removed the dates and the kissing. That was what had killed you over the years. That was what you had to push down and try to forget.

But Javier loved you. That wasn’t something you could ignore. More than anything, you were disappointed that this realization didn’t send you over the moon with joy. You wished it could have happened that morning when you were still hopeful. When you hadn’t been treated like shit. But the damage had been done, and now you struggled to even believe the words you were hearing.

You looked up at Javier. He was waiting for your response, one hand in the other, massaging his own fingers in the nervous gesture you recognized from days out in the field when he didn’t have cigarettes or alcohol to fall back on. It was cold too, out in the hallway, and he wasn’t wearing a shirt, and as much as he tried to hide it, you could see the goosebumps littering his skin.

Eyes drifting over his chest, you took in his appearance. He was very clearly just having sex, his pants haphazardly buttoned on and his lips were swollen. His cheeks were redder than usual and your eyes swept over his body. You remembered seeing him like this, back when you made him look that way. But this time it was another woman’s fault. 

Another woman that he had used and called her by your own name. It was admittedly one of the suckiest moves a guy could make, except throwing a girl aside as soon as you had had sex, as Javier had you. But you knew Javier would only beat himself up over it. And he was here, trying to make things right, saying words you thought he couldn’t ever say.

“Fine.” You stepped aside, holding the door open for Javier. He hesitated before stepping across the threshold, avoiding eye contact as he sat down on the edge of your couch. Javier propped his elbows onto his legs, leaned forward, and ran a hand through his hair. 

You watched him from the doorway, not sure if he was about to say something or would wait for you to come fully in. You closed the door and walked up to the edge of your kitchen island, leaning against the counter and facing Javier. The apartment was dark, a faint glow from the streetlights passing through your curtains washed the room with yellow. It lit Javier up from the back, giving his hunched figure an angelic glow. No matter how angry you were, he was always the most beautiful person you had ever seen. Somehow you had fallen for a man who had only gotten more stunning with age.

Standing against the island, hands behind your back, you take a deep breath. Javier has got to say something. Your mind is racing, unsure whether to fixate on how beautiful he is or how angry you are or how frustrating it is that he hasn’t said anything.

Javier looked up, mouth opening and closing without saying a word, and then he croaked out in a tear-marred voice, “I love you.”

“You’ve said that,” you said, trying to steady your breath. Hearing it the first time you weren’t sure what to think. This time, however, it was hard not to smile.

“I...I don’t know how to do this, Y/N,” he said.

Of course he didn’t. Javier hadn’t talked about emotions with anyone. The closest he’d probably gotten was drunken nights with you. Drunken nights where you didn’t have sex.

You could see how hard this was, admitting things, for him. Hell, you knew that the reason he had sex with so many unnamed faces and prostitutes was a coping mechanism for all the feelings he didn’t want to talk about. He hadn’t let anyone get close enough to him in a long time. He probably hasn’t loved anyone for even longer.

“Why don’t you start with explaining why you said that shit in the office,” you prompted. If you could understand why he hurt you like that when he supposedly loved you, maybe you could start making sense of things.

“You said it,” he sighed, “You heard everything, I don’t know what else—”

“Why did you wish it never happened?” you interrupted. “Because I don’t know if I wanted it or not, but I wouldn’t have regretted it. Not if you hadn’t made me feel like it was nothing more than a mistake.”

That was something you weren’t sure if you were ready to admit, but your mouth worked faster than your head sometimes.

“I wished you weren’t drunk, Y/N,” he said, “That’s what you weren’t letting me tell you earlier…. I wish I could have done that—kissed you—when we were both sober.”

Oh.

Oh.

That changes things.

If he had wanted to do that? If he had said that and you had misunderstood? If you had yelled at him? Told him you couldn’t be friends anymore? Didn’t that make you the bad person?

“I woke up that morning, and you were right there—so fucking beautiful—and then I realized I had taken advantage of you. I didn’t want to have done that. I felt horrible,” he said in your silence.

You had both been idiots.

“I was hoping that morning that things would be okay, and then you weren’t talking to me,” you said. “I acted like one of your hookups, just laying myself out there for you. And you then treated me like one the next morning.”

Your voice cracked as you spoke and a few tears began to fall. You had tried so hard to remain stoic in front of Javier, but you couldn’t anymore. It was all too much, discovering that you had been wrong this whole time. That you had beat yourself up over everything when Javier was doing the same damn thing.

“Earlier today, when you said something about being a whore?” Javier said, swallowing. He looked up at you, and you stared back down at him.

You weren’t sure where this was going, and you hoped he wasn’t about to screw things over again. From what had happened in the past minutes, you had hope, but that speck of doubt still sat in your stomach.

“You’re not,” he continued. “Not that there’s anything wrong with being that, but Y/N, I know you. I know you better than anyone else. You’re the most amazing woman and I could never think of you as just another hookup.”

You were frozen in place. Javier was looking up at you. He was sitting up now, one hand gripping his other arm tightly. You had been so wrong. About everything.

“I’d wanted to do that with you for a year or so now,” Javier said.

‘You have?’ you wanted to ask. But you didn’t. You could hardly believe what he was saying. You were only just starting to fully understand that he loved you. And to hear that he has for so long?

“Ever since the time you fell asleep on my couch, it wasn’t even eight and you were passed out after the day we’d had. You almost got shot earlier that day, I thought I was going to lose you,” he said. You remembered that day so vividly. “We all almost died. And the look on your sleeping face, like nothing was wrong. And I was just so glad you were even there.”

That day had been awful. You had come along on a raid with Javier. Everything was fine until you were ducked beneath a shattered window of the apartment next to a sicario’s, bullets flying overhead. Javier was next to you. You would never forget the sound of the grenade going off meters away, on the other side of the wall. The pressure of the blast sending you two flying. Exposed, you made a run for it.

Someone had followed you down the streets and between buildings. The chase led you over rooftops and when you lost them you had collapsed, all energy gone.

Later, when you found Javier again, you returned home. You couldn’t go into your apartment alone. Your hands shook as you put the key in the lock, and you stood in front of your apartment, door open, but too scared to enter. Javier had come up behind you, led you into his place, warmed up a microwave dinner, and you ate in silence on the floor of his living room.

You were still shaking when you curled up on his couch and he wrapped you in a blanket, and you turned on the TV. He sat on the other end of the sofa, legs brushing against yours, and didn’t say a word.

Looking back, you knew you had loved him for most of your friendship. Moments like that where he made you feel like someone cared for you more than anything, those were what hurt the most. Knowing you’d never have him, as unavailable as he was for romance.

Apparently, you had been mistaken.

“Every day after that I’ve wanted to kiss you.” He stood up from the couch as he said those words. “I’ve wanted to hold you in my arms, and make sure a day like that would never happen again.”

“Why didn’t you?” you breathed.

“What?”

“Why didn’t you kiss me?”

“It’s the DEA, Y/N,” he sighed. “We can’t, we shouldn’t have. And either way, you were my friend, and you don’t, you know, obviously, feel the same way.”

You wanted to scream at him. Of course you did. How could he not see that?

Javier lowered his head. His voice was painful to listen to as he held back tears. “And I didn’t want to ruin it, like I did today.”

“Javi, I—” you started. He had ruined it, sure, but he had also more than fixed things. You still weren’t sure if you could trust him, but it didn’t matter because there was a sharp pain in your chest as you looked at Javier and saw the tears running down his face. Seldom did you see any man, especially Javier, this vulnerable.

He was putting his whole self on the line for you, and you were damn sure going to do the same.

“I’ve wanted so much more from you, for a long time now,” you said, “I think I fell in love sometime in between beer bottles littering your coffee table and late nights watching crappy Colombian action films.”

You were smiling and sniffling and you didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

“I wasn’t sure if that night I let you kiss me because I was drunk or because I wanted it, but if you had caught me sober—” You lowered your voice to a whisper. “I would have done the same thing.”

Javier’s jaw had dropped a half an inch, mouth hanging slightly ajar, and you bit your lip. It was a lot to process. You had been wrong about many things, but most of all, you had missed out on Javier. You had missed out on everything.

Javier took a step closer to you.

“Are you sober now?” he asked.

“Yes?” you said.

He stepped forward again, right in front of you. You were pinned between Javier and the island as he stared down at you. The look on his face was intense, his eyes boring into your skin, his facial muscles softened. He placed one hand on the rim of the counter beside you. You could feel the heat radiating off of his bare skin.

“Good,” he said.

He reached one hand up to touch your cheek and leaned in. His face was inches away from yours when he stalled, letting you meet his lips. Your eyes fluttered shut as you made contact, his lips soft against your own.

You wrapped your arms around his body, and he moved the arm that was once beside you around your waist, pulling you away from the counter and into his chest. You were wearing your sleep shirt, and the thin fabric was not much of a barrier between you and Javier, causing you to gasp against his mouth.

“I’m never going to stop saying it, Y/N,” Javier said, “I love you.”

He swiped his thumb once across your lips before wrapping that arm around you too, holding you tight and close.

“I love you too.” You were breathing heavily, and you rested your head in the crook of his neck, inhaling the scent of his sweat and a light hint of cigarettes.

“I’m so sorry for making you feel like I didn’t,” he murmured into the skin of your shoulder.

“Javi, I’m sorry too. For pushing you away. I didn’t realize you—I was so scared. Scared that I had lost the person I cared about most,” you whispered.

He laughed softly, his frame shaking against yours. “I’m never gonna let you go, you know.”

You smiled. “Please don’t ever, Javi.”

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[batarella]

I Don’t Hate You - Part 19 (Jason Todd x Reader)

FUCK WE’RE ONE CHAPTER AWAY FROM THE FINALE. AND I JUST WROTE 10K WORDS IN A NIGHT SOMEONE HELP. SORRY AGAIN FOR THE DELAY

WORDS: 10,619 FUUUUUUCK WARNINGS: FLUFF AND ANGST AND FLUFF AND ANGST AND a lil but of smut hihi

Masterlist

I DON’T HATE YOU - MASTERLIST

------

“Jason…”

“I knew you’d like it.”

That was an understatement. Your breath had been long gone. “This is Dame Bell’s.”

“I know. Biggest in the state.”

Dame Bell’s Carnival. It was renowned in the East Coast as one of the most visited, dating almost thirty years ago. It basically disappeared from the map after a horrific roller coaster incident that left eight dead. You’d have expected it to be covered almost completely in graffiti by now, but people would have broken in here ages ago. Not everyone knew where it was, since it was so far off town and only so many have heard of it at this age. It was barely even on the internet.

Not only was it extremely popular back in the day, but it was also said to be one of the most haunted abandoned carnivals there were.

You stared up at the clown’s head that served as the carnival’s entrance. There were turnstiles in front, but they were completely rotted off and barely held up at all. It was covered in weeds and vines, and it reeked like bitter iron. You loved it.

You saw Jason stare too long at the clown.

No. not today. You’ll make him forget about everything. You took his wrist.

“Come on.”

You walked into the entrance. Just from where you stood, you could see almost everything in store for you. For a park so well known, it held up so nicely and beautifully, like this part of the world ended by itself in its own little apocalypse. You had no idea where to start. There was a roller coaster, a Ferris wheel, a carousel, a wave swinger, carnival game booths, and even fucking bumper cars. Everything had that gorgeous antique look with brown rusted metal and faded pastel colors of red and white. A lot of the parts had fallen off, like the metal slabs that held up the carousel and the horses that littered the floor, but you’d take this any day than any working carnival there was.

“Jay, here.”

A small booth that stood near the entrance. Probably to sell merchandise. There were only so many of the gifts left on the stand, and they reeked. You picked up a dust-covered cap from one of the hooks. It had the name right on top. “Wear this.”

“You want me to have a head itch for the next fifty years?”

You felt something crawl up on your arm. Immediately you placed it back. “Shit.”

Jason picked a little travel mug made of tin sitting on the surface. “Man, these things are old.”

“You know when this was abandoned?”

“Maybe ten? Fifteen years ago? But this was built in the sixties. Can't imagine how people hadn’t completely destroyed it by now.”

And it wasn’t. It was magical. Better than Disneyland.

You walked down the main street and reveled at the sight all around you. You walked back, looking up at the taller rides that were so close to just suddenly collapsing. All you needed was a bag of popcorn and some cotton candy and you’d basically be in your own personal heaven. Your eyes landed on Jason, multiple times, and you never failed to miss his smiles and laughter.

“Carousel.”

You went over to the first ride and shimmied through the metal fence around it, making sure not to touch anything before you’ll have to come home with a tetanus infection. The horses were still intact, and they aged wonderfully with their color subsiding only so much. The metal parts of their décor had rusted, and above it was a roof painted in swirls and stripes, red and yellow before they had turned to a less appealing brown. There were also lights around that would’ve looked beautiful if lit up, scattered about the ceiling, the column in the middle, and the tent-shaped roof. You placed your hand on the metal bar that held up one of the horses.

“Ride one of them and I owe you dinner tonight,” you told him. Jason snickered and patted the horse’s saddle.

“I’d be surprised if these things don’t hallow out after three seconds.”

“It can't be that bad. I’ll do it.”

Jason narrowed his bushy eyebrows. “Are you fucking sure?”

“Yes.”

You tapped his arm as a bit of a ‘watch this’ sort of gesture. Good thing you were wearing jeans now, as well as a long sleeved top. You grabbed the metal rod and pulled yourself up, swinging your leg over a horse’s red saddle.  You settled yourself in and felt around for any type of breakage. “See? Nothing.”

Jason’s slight smirk he often fought off with a frown showed through, and you kept your eyes on him. He went closer to you, grabbing the horse by the snout as if it were real. “I’m leaving you here if this whole thing falls off.”

“It won't.”

He looked up at the ceiling, which held onto the metal plates barely keeping up. “Get down from there, Y/N.”

“No.”

“Come on.”

“I don’t want to.”

You leaned into the horse’s solid mane and swung your legs around.

And Jason, smiling at you, leaned into its head as well to get closer to you.

“You’ll have to pull me out of this.”

Disapprovingly, he looked elsewhere, but still kept himself close. “No.”

“Then I’m not leaving.”

“There’s other rides to check out. Come on.”

You held firmly onto the bar, smiled menacingly at him even when he was sighing with his eyes rolled and his hands stuffed to his pockets. Then he looked at you, met your devilish looking eyes, and clenched his jaw.

His hands grabbed onto your waist so tightly when he pulled you off the horse. They were firm, yet still gentle. And you held onto his shoulders even after he settled you down.

You took in the sight of him before he’d eventually pull away. And for a short, far too short second, he didn’t, and he just looked at you with his hands on your hips.

You flicked his chest. “Come on, asshole.”

-----

“These won't turn on.”

“Yeah, but we can ride them still.”

“What’s so good about bumper cars that won't even turn on?”

You settled yourself into a small, purple bumper car that had a number five on it. An antenna was standing right behind you and the seat tightened around your ass. It was made for kids. And you had to brush off a few leaves off the seat before you even touched it. Jason had his foot on top of the pod, and just with the slightest bit of movement, the car started to move.

“Get your own car.”

“You know what, I’d rather do this.”

The ring wasn’t that big, and there were only four other cars around you left on the field, so you had plenty of room to drive. Jason went behind you, grabbed onto the back of your seat, and started to push.

“This is more like it.”

Your laughter could be heard from the top of the Ferris wheel, probably. You moved around so easily with his strength, turning the wheel so you could go in all directions. You looked up at Jason, and suddenly you saw the seventeen year old pushing you in an old library cart.

Jason quirked his eyebrow up at you and kept going.

“Hold on tight.”

“Todd, whatever the fuck you're thinking, I don’t-AHHH!”

Your high pitched screams were the next to be heard. He pushed the bumper car all the way from one end of the ring with such strength that it propelled you to a wall. You heard his laughter, then your head bounced on impact and you clutched your chest. “Fuck.”

You stood up, glaring at him like a growling cheetah. “You are gonna pay for that.”

Jason backed away to the gate. “Come on, you hothead.”

Snarling, you raced to catch up to him. “I wanna go on that wave swinger.”

“Lead the way.”

-----

Your eyes just lit up at the hundreds of wires suspended from a large, circular UFO like structure that was held up by a large thick column. Jason could practically hear the ghosts of children speaking into your ear, and you didn’t look any less than loving every second of it.  He went in through the gate with you, marveled at the magnificent sight. You went over to the swings and touched one of the wires.

“If you sit on any one of them, I’m not saving your ass from the ground anymore.”

“I won't. Because you will.”

“What makes you think I’ll get on that? I’d barely fit.”

You looked around. “There. That one sits two. And it’s wide enough to fit us both.”

“You're kidding me.”

“No. I’m not. Now get in.”

You went to the swing and sat at the farthest left to make room for him, even when he was clearly big enough to fill the whole seat by himself. You opened the latch and started pushing yourself back and forth. “Come on. Sit with me.”

Your smile. Your eyes when you did that. He wanted to rip that smile off of you before he’ll give into you so much that he’ll lost basically everything he promised to keep.

But he really, really wanted to sit with you on that swing, talk about everything for hours and let your head fall to his shoulder.

This was going to be the last thing you’ll remember out of him.

And he wanted you to remember him well.

Sighing, Jason went over to you, pinched your chin so lightly yet hard enough to make you flinch away. “Get your own seat.”

He saw your eyes glimmer. You stood up, opened the latch for him, then settled himself onto the seat made for two. His ass fit more than enough, but it was his body that almost fit the entirety of the swing. You took the one by his side and pushed your feet onto the ground so you’d rock back and forth. “Man, I wish this thing still worked.”

“We could go to an actual carnival, you know.” Jason kept his swing steady, but watched you the whole time.

“Nah. I like this one a whole lot better.”

He watched you with your hair flying to your back, and he saw you in that dark, secluded playground where he first kissed you. Jason looked away.

It was already past noon. And the sun, creeping out from just under the wave swinger’s top, looked down at the both of you like it was taking a peek of what went on.

“Y/N…”

“Hmm?”

He gulped.

“Did you really not have anyone else the whole three years I was gone?”

You lost your smile in an instant. He shouldn’t have asked. You looked down at your lap and stopped the swing from moving so much.

“No. I didn’t even talk to anyone. I didn’t want to.”

A part of him, the selfish part of him, that only ever wanted you for himself, reveled in the thought that he didn’t have to imagine you with another. That you were definitely, ultimately still his. But it was that part of him he wanted to bury deep along with all the other memories from before he died.

The other parts he didn’t like, and hated just as much, wanted to punch himself for ever subjecting you into that kind of pain and loneliness in the first place. “Did you?” you asked.

He looked up.

“What?”

“The last few months. Were you with anyone else?”

There wasn’t a doubt. As much as he didn’t want you to think about it too much, you deserved to know how much you still had his heart.

“No…”

You both looked down at your hands, keeping the silence. He wanted to hold you and keep you from thinking too much about it.

Thud.

A loud, painful crash of the rotting metal hitting the cement ground. Both your swings’ wires gave out, and he heard you shriek in pain while he hissed at the sudden impact right on his ass. “MOTHER FUCKER.”

“JESUS CHRIST, THAT HURT.”

“WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT IT BREAKING???”

“OH, DON’T GIVE ME THAT.”

You opened the latch and pulled yourself up, your hand soothing your butt and groaning in deep pain. “Fuck, my ass has a concussion.”

He broke the latch before it was even unlocked. Throwing the metal rod, he held onto your hand and you helped pull him up to stand. He rubbed his bitt. “Fuck, I must have broken my ass bone.”

“Your ass bone?”

Jason dusted off his pants. “I told you not to sit on anything suspended.”

“I told you not to sit on anything suspended.” You mocked his voice.

“Real mature.”

You playfully hit his shoulder. “Brush it off. Come on.”

He kept rubbing his ass the whole way out the ride.

-----

“If you lose on this, you wouldn’t be able to rise from the shame.”

“You're all talk, Y/LN. Why don’t you show me what you got?”

The first carnival booth game you went to was the one with all the bottles you had to shoot from a reasonable distance away. There was a pellet gun and some conveniently placed bullets right beside it. The bottles on display were broken, but you saw three others stashed underneath. You crawled over the booth, went over to pick up the bottles, then you started placing them on the shelves. It was covered in graffiti inside and the whole place was a wreck, but as long as you could have the bottles, standing, you were good to go.

Jason got the pellet gun loaded before you were done placing the bottles.

“I have an idea,” you said. “Since you're just so good at this, stand all the way over there.”

“You insult me.”

You snarled at him, and he gave you that cocky smirk when he walked all the way to the other side of the booths, yards away from the targets. You got out, raced to the side, and gave him a thumbs up.

Jason didn’t even have to look twice. He shot two bullets, and with each one, it was followed by breaking glass.

You rushed back to the booth. He only hit two of them. “Nice. How bout the other one?”

Jason walked back over to you, took your hand, then placed the gun on your hand. “You’re gonna shoot it.”

“Me?” you snorted.

“Yes. Time I teach you how to aim.”

“I know how to aim, you fucker.”

“Not with a gun.”

“How’s that any different from darts?”

He rolled his eyes and stood aside. You felt the gun in your hands, weighed it with your fingers, then you held it up and pointed it at the bottle.

“You’re holding it wrong.”

“Well, I’m sorry if I’ve never held a gun before in my life.”

He started picking your fingers and placed them on the right spaces on the handle. “There. Then aim.”

You held it up, looked through the tiny scope on top.

“Fire.”

You pulled on the trigger, but you couldn’t hear the sound of glass breaking after it. The pellet went straight through the tent.

“Dammit.”

“Here.”

You instantly smiled when Jason went behind you, gently held where your hands were holding onto the gun and leaned in so close that you could feel his breath in your ear. You could feel his chest against your back. and even when you were definitely surprised, you kept your mouth shut and enjoyed every moment of it.

You turned your head slightly to the right, and your lips were so close to touching. “Like this?”

“Keep your eyes ahead,” he whispered to you.

You felt his eyelash tickle your cheek, his back press closer, then you slowly looked forward. Bang.

The bottle broke on impact.

“See?” Jason let go of you too soon, but his voice was still that low, sexy husk. You placed the gun on the table and turned to him.

“Wanna see if you can beat me at ring toss, asshole?”

“You wouldn’t be able to land a single one, I guarantee it.”

You went to the next booth, with the rings you threw to hit the bottle’s heads. You landed three, and Jason landed all five. It wasn’t with his help this time, and you constantly threw the rings at him when he gave you that annoying little laugh. Then you went to the next one, with darts on what used to be balloons and was just a plain wooden board against the wall, then another with the spinning wheel.

You haven’t had so much fun since… well, since him.

-----

“Okay. There’s no way we can even get anywhere near that thing.”

The roller coaster, for small time carnival, looked enormous. And its entire foundation and main support structures were all made of old, rickety pieces of wood nailed together just to keep up the roller coaster’s deep plunge right at the start of the ride, the high rise that came after it. And most of all, the loop. The wood had already broken in just below that high rise, forming a large hole big enough for three people to stand on top of another. And if they were to get anywhere near that place, they’ll be crushed.

Still, you went to the safest place you could. At the bottom most part of the ride where people got in and out of the car. Jason went with you and sat at the very front by your side.

“We used to love roller coasters.”

“I know.” Jason smirked at the memory. “Remember that one we rode three times?”

“I do. That was amazing.”

Your smile was so beautiful. He didn’t move away even with you being so close to him now. And he let his gaze linger on every detail on your face. It didn’t matter that you caught him. You were the first to look away, looking forward at the long walkway made of hard wood.

You leaned back, kept your silence. And he allowed himself to enjoy that silence when he settled in as well.

“I know you don’t want us to get too close and all…” you said.

He shifted in his seat. “I just-“

“I know. I know,” you let out a deep, long sigh. “But… I don’t…”

Jason leaned forward and let his arms rest on the handrail. You looked away, at the whole structure of the ride.

“We can be a bit closer... If you want.”

You looked at him. “Do you want to?”

Knowing you’ll need the comfort, and what you wanted deeply with you outrightly telling him, he licked his lips and smiled. “Yeah…”

And the way you looked into his eyes, when you felt that glimmer of hope he once never wanted to instill on you. Just when he thought he should never had gone soft for you the first time, he leaned closer.

He stared at your face when you leaned in and placed your head comfortably on his shoulder.

He breathed, closed his eyes.

You were just how he remembered.

And as much as it ached him, at how your face was looking, staring into nothing as you buried yourself deep into his neck, he turned his head and rest his nose on your hair.

Another step. He wrapped an arm around you and pulled you even closer.

You didn’t say anything, even when he placed his lips so subtly at the top of your hair or even when he inhaled your scent like he so often does.

----

“Alright, stop sucking your own dick.”

“You’re just annoyed ‘cuz you know there’s no way you can beat me at this.”

“I unlock doors with just my foot, jackass.”

“Try kicking your way out of this one.”

The Hi Striker. The one where men overflowing with testosterone would challenge their testosterone filled friends to a test of strength. The hammer was just by the large bell you were supposed to hit. And it was heavy to just lug around.

“You sure you don’t wanna try it?” Jason said.

You cocked your hip and just stared at him. “I’m not getting my hands dirty with that thing.”

“Fine. I’ll do it. Don’t get too turned on.” He winked.

“Oh, shut up.”

Jason grabbed the sledge hammer with far too much ease and you rolled your eyes. The meter that shot up to the sky in front of you was filled to the brim with dirt and rot. But you could see the different measures written on it. The bottom most one called you ‘TOO WEAK!’ and the top most one screamed ‘WOWZA!’

Jason brought the hammer behind his shoulder, assessing the bell with his other hand.

“Just hit it already,” you groaned. Jason shot you a dirty look and held the hammer with both arms, holding it all the way over his back.

You could see his shirt rise from just before he swung it over him.

The man must have had a fucking eight pack.

Fuck.

The bell practically broke on impact and the hammer was smashed into two separate pieces. You saw the meter shoot up, all the way to the highest measure. The bells started to ring continuously until it eventually broke down and died.

“See?”

“Shut up.”

You hid your face from him before he could take notice of just how flustered you were at the sight of him. Jason ruffled your hair, then you pushed him away laughing.

----

A small, kiddie roller coaster that went around in a tiny little circle. There was barely anything other than a small hill that it went over. The small yellow car that could only fit one of you in it was sitting near the entry way. And it looked clean enough to sit on. You raced to it and took a seat before Jason could get to you.

“This is the least dangerous ride we’ve come across.”

“I’d be surprised if it wasn’t.”

Your knees were up so high from the compact space on it. It could only have seated one or two kids from the look of it. You then placed your legs on top, just to give you some air. “You know,” Jason said, walking over to the controls. “What if it still works?”

“It can't possibly have the electricity.”

“Well, there’s the generator.” He pointed to the far side where all the wires let to. “It could still work.”

“You sure it won't blow up?”

“We’ll see.”

He stood at the control panel and started fiddling with all the buttons and levers.

You just sat back, looked up at the sky. He loved watching you when you were in that trance, when you just grew silent and looked around you forgetting there was anyone around you at all. He watched you close your eyes, then he went back to the controls.

Jason almost leapt. “I think I found it.”

“Found wha-“

The generator. It started running. The lights around the small coaster also turned on, some you hadn’t noticed. Fairy lights being held up by four poles at each of the corners, crossing over the other to form some sort of web. You felt the little car start to vibrate. You were both marveling at just how magical it all looked. The engine was noisy as fuck, but the fact that it was running at all, even after so many years, it was nothing short of amazing.

“You ready?”

“Oh, I’m ready.”

Jason pulled on the lever, then the coaster started moving.

Barely. It was so slow it was laughable.

And you did laugh. So hard you had to keep balancing yourself up right as the car continued to move in a circle.

“You’re doing great!”

You flipped him off with both hands, then Jason clutched his stomach at the look on your face when the coaster went over the tiny hill. You held your hands up, feeling the air go through you. You closed your eyes, demanded another round, then you sat back and waved your arms around, pretending to scream when at the hill. Jason felt his cheeks hurt at just how much he was smiling.

Dear God, you were beautiful.

----

The fucking Tunnel of Love.

The murky water looked absolutely disgusting. And if you even touched it you’ll be sure to barf out your whole stomach. You and Jason never went to one when you were together. You both thought it was stupid.

But an abandoned tunnel of love? You were intrigued.

“Are you absolutely sure you want to go in?”

“I don’t want to go in, but I wanna know what’s inside.”

You tipped the boat over with your shoe. “There’s no other way than the boats. And we’ll have to paddle out way through.”

Jason looked around, found a broken pillar standing right by the waters. And with his bare hands, he tore apart a large wooden beam. Enough to hit the bottom of the water.

“Come on. Don’t wuss out.”

“I’m not fucking wussing out,” you scoffed.

“Then get in.”

You tapped your foot on the boat again. There was water on the seat, and you groaned at the though of it touching your ass. You stepped in, balanced yourself on top feeling the boat start to rock about.

Then when you settled in, moving your ass away from the wet spot as much as you could, Jason went inside with his makeshift paddle.

“Onward.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

And the boat went forward. You held onto the sides, choking a laugh when his paddling actually managed to work. The tunnel had a heart shape painted onto the entrance, and you shifted uncomfortably when you noticed him looking away from you.

You should have thought this through. There was nothing. And absolutely nothing inside that you could see.

“Bright idea, Jason.”

“We’ve never been to one. How was I supposed to know it was dark?”

“It’s fucking called the Tunnel of Love, you ass.”

Jason purposely hit you with his elbow, and you nudged him back, almost tipping over the boat. You leaned forward, chin on your hand, as Jason continued to paddle through.

“You’re not gonna help?”

“I thought you were the strong one, Todd. And where am I supposed to get another paddle?”

You heard him grunt at you. You couldn’t see anything that went on around you at all. Not even a single light was on. There must have been a few attractions you would have seen inside, but they were all turned off.

Your back shot up when you thought you saw a figure of a person standing nearby.

“Jay-“

“Animatronics. That’s what I wanted to see.”

“Are you sure?”

“Are you actually fucking scared?”

“I don’t get scared.”

“I can feel you shaking.”

“You get scared way more than I do.”

You heard him chuckle, so you felt around until you could feel his chin so you could pinch it. “Driving here!”

“Whatever.”

You leaned forward again, eyes focusing on anything you could make out. The tunnel was a long, narrow river, and you still couldn’t see any sort of light coming your way.

You sat back, groaning. You felt Jason’s arm brush against you when he leaned back as well. “My arm’s tired.”

“Great. How long are we stuck here for?”

“Calm down, we’re not stuck.”

“FUCK!”

A wet, soggy puddle, streaming right up your jeans, all over your ass.

“What?!”

You breathed, pursing your lips and feeling your arms shake. “I sat on the SHIT WATER!!”

You wanted to choke him that minute when the boat started to lightly rock. His laughter started to echo throughout the tunnel, slapping his knee and throwing his head back despite you not being able to see.

“You. Are so. Dead.”

“Why me?!”

“You wanted to come here and now my ass smells like SWAMP.”

He took a long minute to laugh at you again. And you maintained your breaths, tugging onto your hair as you leaned forward to catch your hair with your palms.

“Oh, man. I miss this.”

You slightly chuckled.

“Hey,” he said. You could feel he was smiling, but his voice was lower.

Then, you felt his hand land on your leg.

You slowly started to lean back. Your shoulder touched his chest. He was leaning towards you. And you couldn’t see it. Fuck, why can't you see it.

You breathed in and Jason thumbed your knee. “Calm down.”

You shrugged, but when you felt his breath against your ear, you got even more frantic than you were.

The darkness never felt so well when all your other senses had been heightened. You could feel his breathing, coursing through the skin of your cheek. You turned your head towards him so you could feel it against your mouth. Was he going to kiss you?

You felt his breath spike. His hand still on your leg, trailing up to your thigh. You were so close to him. You just knew it. Otherwise you wouldn’t have been so mesmerized by his scent, the feel of his hand sparking your body and your thoughts. Everything. You didn’t have to see him. And you could tell how beautiful he was so close to you.

Your hand touched his chest.

And at that, you felt him pull away.

You swallowed the rock in your throat, then Jason started paddling his way out.

Not long after, you were met with the sun.

“Finally,” Jason said.

And, as if everything was magically left behind with the darkness, you both went onto the next ride as if absolutely nothing happened.

----

“Where are you, motherfucker…”

Good thing he found the generator for this. Otherwise the whole place would have been as dark as the tunnel.

And a Hall of Mirrors wouldn’t be any good with it being so dark.

Neither of you were even shaken. This was one of the most haunted places within a 100-mile radius off of Gotham and you were going into a maze of mirrors like being lost it in wouldn’t traumatize you for the rest of your life.

But really. It was just a small tent with mirrors placed strategically enough to confuse the normal person who had no more than basic knowledge on how reflections work. There was nothing to be scared of.

He walked around, seeing the thousands of himself looking back at him, mirror after mirror like an endless abyss. “Y/N?”

“Good luck finding me, asshole.”

It was all just him. The tiniest one at the far back didn’t even have a face anymore. Jason walked around, letting his palm trace where he’d been through. He swore he passed by that specific mirror before. He was running in circles.

“Jay-“

“Hey!”

There you were, looking right at him from the mirror on the left. He knew it was a reflection immediately and turned the other way. He heard your footsteps, your laughter. And when he turned to a corner where he thought you’d gone to, you weren’t there.

“Where the fuck did you go?”

“Just admit you’re a noob,” you said. And he turned to follow your voice.

“Keep talking, babe. I’ll find you.”

“You won't.”

This time, he actually did find you. And you didn’t seem to notice.

He smirked thinking of what to do. “Where are you, Jay?”

A short whistle, and your back shot up and turned to his direction. He ran all the way to the other side before you’d catch him and hide behind one of the corners. Jason had to keep his laughter in. Fuck, he felt light hearted. Happy.

If he had a mop, he’ll even fucking chase you with it.

Jason went over to a narrow hall where his reflection looked back at him. And he saw his face. How his cheekbones were up, how his lips were curved up to a smile. And his back, standing straight and not crouched over like he usually does. His skin looked brighter. And he looked… well, happy.

He hadn’t looked like this in the whole six months of his second life.

He looked away from his reflection.

And saw you staring right at him.

“There you are-“

Just as he ran, his face bumped into the cold, hard glass.

The sound of your laughter had never been so animalistic and borderline evil. He rubbed his nose, felt the buzz on his face. He shook it off and made sure his jaw hadn’t been rearranged.

“I swear,” he heard you laugh even more. “It’s funnier the third time.”

Yeah. So what if it was the third time he ran to a mirror?

And when he looked around, really listened to where your voice was coming from, he caught you with your back turned to him, and he was ultimately sure you weren’t just a reflection. Slowly. Carefully. He crept up behind you.

You caught his eye on the reflection. You stood frozen. And he winked at you before grabbing you from behind, trapping you with his massive arms.

“I WIN!”

“STOP- AHH!”

He squeezed you tightly in his hold and tickled your neck with his nose. Your screams, mixed with your giggles and squeals, it only made him want to hold on tighter. You tried to wrestle him out of it but you’d be stupid to think you could possibly contest his strength. “JAY, I CAN'T BREATHE!”

You laughed again, and when he loosened his hold, you turned around. You both continued to laugh, until it eventually mellowed down.

His arms didn’t leave you. He didn’t want to. He wanted to keep holding you all day until his own arms would give out and you’ll have to worm your way off his grip. Then he looked into your eyes, eyebrows arching up, looking at him like he was the stars and the skies and the whole universe. You were his whole universe.

You were his happiness.

He gulped, pushing your hair behind your ear. Your hands were holding onto his arms, pulling him so close to you.

You.

You. You. You.

He wanted to run himself over with a bus. Or a truck. Or a fucking plane.

Now, because of him, who he is, he didn’t want to believe that he only had one more day left with you…

You.

He closed his eyes, and you were the first to pull away.

But then you took his hand.

“Let’s get out of here.”

Looking around. At your reflections, how you both looked to the eyes of someone else. With you holding his hand and him looking flustered and happy. He wasn’t going to see himself like this ever again.

-----

The afternoon had come to a close.

On the lowest car of the Ferris wheel, which stood right at the center of the whole park, you laid your head on Jason’s shoulder and had your eyes closed. You were going to wait it out until sundown. It didn’t matter how late you’ll get home. You only had so much time. You wanted the best out of it.

Jason was slightly moving the car back and forth with his weight. And it calmed you. Much like a swing. He leaned back against the seat and watched the sun fall to the earth along with the trees, the vines, the bushes that formed all around him.

You moved so slightly just so you’d rest on his chest. “Where are we getting dinner?”

“Probably just from one of the diners we’ll go through.”

“Okay,” you smiled, inhaling into his shirt. “I had fun today.”

“Me, too.”

You pulled your head up just so you could see his face. He wasn’t smiling, but he wasn’t unhappy either. You hand went up to his chest, and he held it, tightly, and just before you thought he’d pull away again, he didn’t.

“Y/N…” he sighed. “I know what you’re trying to do.”

You backed away slightly. “What?”

“You…” he sighed and swallowed his throat. “Are you trying to change my mind?”

What?

“What do you mean?”

“All this. I didn’t want to get close and now…”

“You said this was okay.”

“I did, but… I didn’t at first,” he let go of you and leaned forward to rest on his knees. “You wanted this to happen, did you?”

You scoffed, looking at the grass around. “You’re mad that I somehow manipulated you?”

“I’m not mad-“ he tugged on his hair. “Y/N, this is only gonna hurt so much more at the end.”

“You think I’m doing this because I wanted to brainwash you into having me back?”

“I never said that.”

“Yes, you did.”

You placed your arm on the arm rest at the side, and Jason looked the other way as well. “I’m sorry.”

It hurt. This bastard has hurt you so many times over the course of your life. and you couldn’t believe it, but you outwardly offered yourself to let him hurt you again. Not once. Not ever. You never thought that at one point, you’ll ever let anyone step all over you like this and still want him more than anything else in the world. You're letting him hurt you at this point. And you hated it.

You knew bit the insides of your cheeks and breathed in.

“I knew I’ll never change your mind. Trust me. I’m not expecting anything good to come out of this when it’s all over.”

Jason looked at you, but you kept your eyes away from him.

“If you think I don’t love you enough to handle not being able to hold you or kiss you when you're around, that’s where you're wrong. I know this is going to hurt me. So much more than you think. But I asked for these three days with you so I could finally get to have you, all of you, even when it won't last. Trust me, I’d rather be hurt the rest of my life than to not spend a single day with you in it.”

Jason let go of a hard hit of breath through his mouth, biting his lip, staring out into the void the way he did when he wanted to hold himself back. You, on the other hand, were calm.

He thought you didn’t change. That you were still the sick, spoiled bitch from high school. He thought you’d do anything to get what you wanted no matter the consequences.

Well he was wrong in that.

The one thing you could point out as the biggest change you ever made for yourself was just that. When he died, it dawned on you that the world was never going to give you everything you want, and there would be nothing you could do to change that. You couldn’t talk to anyone, threaten anyone, or throw a tantrum until life gives you ultimately the thing you yearned for. Jason was that thing. You wanted him so bad and he was the one thing you couldn’t have.

And since then, you didn’t care any longer. You accepted things the way they were. You no longer worked your way up just to get what you wanted no matter how sneaky or foul-played. You just sat back, let things go through you. It had been that way since he died.

And he thought you were selfish enough to try to change his mind for your own gain.

“If you don’t want to be with me, I’m not about to change that.”

“I never said I didn’t want to be with you.”

“Want. Can't. Won't. Shouldn’t. It doesn’t matter,” you scoffed. “You made this decision. You wanted me to stay away.”

“It’s to protect you-“

“I know. I told you, I’m not arguing with you on that.”

Jason finally caught your eye, and when you looked away, he took your hand. You faced him but you shook him off.

“If you don’t want to get too close, then fine. Have it your way. I’ll handle it.”

You were staring emptily at the overgrown patches of grass. Jason was staring at you, at your face. You didn’t look at him. You crossed your arms. You felt your heart burn, the glass that housed your chest shatter like broken pieces of knives piercing your through your flesh. Your breaths were cut short. But you didn’t feel any tears coming. Not when it was about something you’ve already expected. You settled for feeling his shoulder touch yours and went with that. That was the most you’ll get out of his warmth.

Fuck this. Fuck everything. Fuck-

Jason’s hand grabbed your chin, turned your head swiftly to his direction and leaned in to meet your lips.

And no.

No. It wasn’t in your head.

His lips were real, soft, yet firm. Chapped yet luscious. He pressed himself so hard against you that you almost fell back.

You held his wrist, trying to pry him away, but he wouldn’t let you. And it was the only bit of effort you made to stay true to his word. You leaned forward, pushing him back as well. Oh fuck, his lips.

You shut your eyes closed and when you solely focused on him, his kiss, all you could see was the two of you in that playground, in that parking lot, in the Boner Aisle, in your bed, in his bed, in the gym, the cafeteria, on a date, or in the rooms of abandoned houses.

A year with him, it all came through.

This. This was what you missed more than anything else. Your arms circled his neck. You wanted him even closer. You didn’t care if the car started to creak and move about. You grabbed his shirt, pulled him tight, and when he pulled away to breathe you leaned in again.

You started tugging at his hair. You wanted his warmth. All of it. You wanted every inch of him. You couldn’t believe you were here with him again. Three years was a long time and you hadn’t been touched, let alone be kissed by another. You were pulling and pushing each other so slightly, with enough force for it to be so passionately wanting but enough to hold back before everything got too heavy.

But it was hot. Your hands on his skin, his chest so tightly against yours. Jason started holding onto the back of your knee and shifted you up so your legs were on his lap. It wasn’t enough. you needed to be closer. You moved so your ass was on his crotch, your legs swinging off his left side. He held onto your thigh and squeezed. Yes.

Then his other hand was on your neck, pulling at your hair. You let him squeeze just enough to make you gasp, and he felt your hand trail down his chest, just over his shirt. And you were right. He did have an eight pack. You could practically feel the hard ripples through the fabric. You breathed in again and he kissed your cheek, your ear, blew in just to make you shiver, then he bit onto your neck.

No. You want him back on your lips.

You pulled him back. Your noses were smushing against each other and your foreheads aching at the force, but you didn’t care. He didn’t either. You could feel his sadness, his months of being a cynical, cold-blooded sub-human. But you didn’t see that at all. He was the most human you could possibly think of. He was just as beautiful within as he was on the outside. And by god, was he beautiful on the outside. Your hands trailed down his face, his eyes, his cheek. Every part of him was perfect. And through your chest you could feel his own warmth, and it matched with all the warmth his emotions rubbed off on you. Everything was gold. He was gold.

Fuck, you could go on forever. You wouldn’t know when to end if you were asked to simply admired every bit of his body, mind, and soul.

“I love you…” you whispered, and he showed that kind of love back when he sunk his teeth into your neck. And you moaned, and you tugged on his hair so much that he hissed, before going back to your lips.

----

The sky was dark by now, and you were straddling his hips.

You probably couldn’t do it here. It was way too dangerous. For all he knew the wheel could break and you’d die before getting anywhere out of this.

But he really fucking wanted to. He wanted all his frustrations to let go through you, feeling you, making you feel good. He missed you so much, he swore he could never find this anywhere else. The things you do to him, and the things he desperately wanted to do with you. He squeezed on your thighs and trailed your hand up your ass. Fuck, did you get thicker?

Yeah. You did. You didn’t have the body of a teenager anymore. You were a fully grown woman and by all the gods he didn’t believe in but was probably up there, he wanted a taste of that. He wanted his hand to go down your pants and make you feel so good just by his fingers, make your back arch so much that you’ll cry out his name in this forgotten forest. He kissed your neck, your shoulder, your collarbone. He let your shirt go further down until he could see the top of your bra.

You were so beautiful.

Jason felt you grind against his pants, and he winced at the pain that went with his awfully hard cock. Three years dead, six months being borderline deranged, this was probably the hardest he’s been since then. He kissed down your chest and let you have at it with his neck.

Your hand was going down. Further down. And when it reached his cock, your teeth biting into his skin at the same time, he threw his head back.

Fuck, he really wanted this.

He hadn’t connected with someone the way he was connected to you, holding you so tight you were practically one with him. He never wanted to let go. He wanted to make love with you all night and never let you out of his sight. Of course, he wanted to be with you. More than he wanted anything else.

Jason opened his eyes, barely, still feeling the rush push through his skin and nerves.

No.

No.

It was all too much the moment you unzipped his pants.

“Y/N…”

And just like that, it blew away. He wanted you again. That one moment where the asshole in him took over, it pushed you off of him. You immediately stopped.

No.

Fuck no.

You looked at him dismayed; eyes wide. Your cheeks were red but from the way you were looking at him now, he wanted himself dead all over again.

You scoffed, eyes looking like you wanted to murder him, then you slid off his lap.

“You're a jackass, you know that?”

He never looked at himself with so much shame. Jason couldn’t even bring himself to look at you. but whatever it was he was thinking about himself right now, it couldn’t possibly half as much disgust as you had on right now.

You dusted off your clothes, fixed your hair.

Your face was blank, and you were holding back so many words he knew would hurt him all the more. He deserved those words being thrown at him.

“Y/N, I’m sorry…”

“Just stop. Let’s go home.”

Jason wanted to drown in his own blood. You left the Ferris wheel before he could even stand up. He walked behind you, barely catching up. And you went into the car without waiting for him to get in.

The whole ride home, you didn’t spare him a glance. You even managed to fall asleep.

On the way to the carnival, he didn’t want you to waste away what little time you had with him falling asleep in the car. He wanted you to sing with him, feel the wind through your hair.

But he just let you sleep. So you could go through this day as quick as you could.

----

You were already awake when he parked across the street from your house.

You got out first, and he followed behind. He thought you’d walk straight to your door like you often did, but you walked so slowly, as if you were counting your steps.

How many times is he going to hurt you before you’d actually grow tired of him and willingly leave?

But even then, despite everything, you swallowed and stood at the first step, looking at him with your arms crossed. He stood in front of you and looked up at your eyes.

You weren’t even mad. But you looked so broken and disappointed. It was infinitely worse.

He didn’t want to hurt you any longer. That was what he’d been doing for three years. And he didn’t even have a say in that. Now that he did, he’s doing it all over again. Hurt you wen you deserved the kind of happiness you brought him. For once, he didn’t care if the world was so shitty to him. It was, because it gave him you, and it was taking you away in the worst possible way.

You took a deep breath. “I’m not mad at you.”

He graciously nodded and swallowed. “Thank you.”

You looked down at your feet. The way you did when you were about to say something you really didn’t want to say.

“You don’t have to come see me tomorrow…”

He stood back. “What?”

“I know how you think. It’s true. This is only going to get worse.”

No. That wasn’t what he thought.

Not at all.

“But I-“

“I know. I only asked to spend some time with you, and I can't thank you enough for these two days. I’ll have them to remember them by. But if it hurts both of us too much, then I understand.”

No. This couldn’t possibly be the last time he sees you…

“Y/N, this is going to hurt us either way-“

“Maybe you were right. Maybe I was trying to change your mind. I was too selfish to notice.”

Jason bit on his tongue.

“I’ll keep your promise. You never have to worry about me again.”

You gave him the saddest, most heartbroken smile.

“I’m letting you go.”

Just one day ago, he would’ve taken it as a pass and moved on.

But all that time of telling himself he still had one more day. Even when it was just a single day, it was already too hard to forget.

It was like when you were dating, the first few months, and he’d desperately try to make sure every free minute he had, he spend with you, and every hour that he wasn’t was an hour wasted. When he’d do everything to change his schedule just to squeeze in even just a few minutes with you. it was like that. All over again.

And it should matter, especially when it was just a single day of not seeing you anymore when he’ll have to get used to that for the rest of his life, but he’d already conditioned his barely sane mind that he still had One. More. Day.

He was going to prepare himself tomorrow for that, and let you go as smoothly as you could to make it just a bit less painless than it’ll inevitably be. He didn’t prepare for that today. He was going to be conscious enough to note that your laughs will be the last. Your smiles will be the last. Your teases, your jokes, your hold on him. That it will all be the last time. And he was going to memorize every bit of it, keep it in the deepest parts of his mind, yet not so deep that he wouldn’t be able to recall them anymore, anytime he wanted. No, he wasn’t prepared. He’ll always remember today, but he didn’t think it would have been the last. He didn’t think it would be.

“Y/N…”

“Jay…” you whispered.

He breathed in through his nose, keeping his cool before he’ll ultimately break down.

“Can I kiss you? Just one last time?”

You smiled.

Oh, that hurt, broken smile that was painful to see, yet so beautiful to watch.

You leaned in.

Your lips were barely pressing closely to his. It was just a light, subtle touch. Not at all like a while ago at the wheel. But it was all the more powerful. It shook him, made him feel like he was trembling in his feet. He held your waist, and you gently held onto his face.

This couldn’t possibly be your last…

But it was. With all the promises he made to himself, with how much he was supposed to prepare for how hard he was going on himself when this was over. And now, it actually was.

You pulled away, letting your forehead linger for a brief minute. It might have been a long time, but it didn’t matter. It was too short. Far too short.

“Goodbye, my love…”

Your voice tore him apart. Your love. That, he will always be.

And then,

You left.

Jason was lost, standing at the side of the road with nothing much to hold onto anymore.

He was alone. Indefinitely.

-----

Oh, love.

How people love to hate on love.

It’s the cause for life. For human beings to litter the earth. It’s the cause for the most beautiful things in the world. Art. Poetry. Passion. It’s all by the work of love. The most precious, vital thing to work with that brings up the best out of your talents. You could only do so much with your work if there was love put into it.

And it’s also the cause for destruction. For wars and battles and bloodshed. Love can be as ugly as it was beautiful. Love was everything the world has ever seen. It is happiness, distraught, anger, disappointment, guilt, and trust. It was, quite literally, everything there was.

Love, as it embodies everything, isn’t the opposite of hate. In fact, it most often causes it.

You don’t hate something when you aren’t in love with another. And it can be on the same exact thing or person or whatever it was. It can be on the opposite, but they almost always coexist. You can't hate on darkness without loving light. You can't hate on how your hair looks that day without loving it on another day. It can be caused directly, or indirectly. The two things don’t have to be related. But the whole point of love existing was that hate was also around.

Jason knew that to the heart.

When he told himself that all this was to prepare you, to let you down as gently as possible, he never took into account how it’ll ultimately affect him. He thought, sure, let him enjoy it while it lasts. And knowing him, knowing the moment he opens his heart to something, it’ll never close back, Jason never thought that by the end of this, at the abrupt end that wasn’t supposed to be, it’ll tear him apart.

The Red Hood murdered a whole block of Falcone’s men, a whopping fifty bodies left cold on a single night.

Batman had been on his tail the past week, just when he left you, just when the killings got so much worse. But he was quicker, angrier. He no longer had the remorse that was bits and pieces left over his consciousness, not like before.

He hated the world so much, he’ll kill it if he had to.

The days he promised you, he knew it was for you, for your lasting happiness. He knew it’ll hurt him, ultimately.

And well, he got what was coming to him.

It was so much like that time you broke up, when he’d lay on his bed, do nothing but stare into nothing, at a wall or the floor, when he’d starve himself just because he didn’t have it in him to move, when he’d let the thoughts of you floor over his mind so much like a painfully aggressive dam breaking into the sea, that he let the tears seep through. And when he wasn’t sobbing, just merely letting the hurt walked through so slightly, it hurt all the more.

Except now, instead of letting the pain hurt himself, he lashed it out on all the sick people in Gotham.

Just a week passed, and he’s killed more than a hundred goons and henchmen.

THE MURDEROUS RED HOOD

NEW GOTHAM VIGILANTE? OR VILLAIN?

RED HOOD: FRIEND OR FOE?

News articles on almost every form of social media. It was everywhere. And there was no doubt you saw it. Saw how he really was.

Jason told you to move on. To let him go. To forget about him. You asked if he wanted you to let him go, and he said yes.

He never once said anything about him moving on from you.

And frankly, with his stubbornness almost identical to yours, he never wanted to.

He was going to deal with the pain, spend the days with you no matter how hard it was ultimately going to be, and he was going to let himself go through all that just for the sake of your happiness, to give you the life he owed you. He promised you the world and he had no plans in walking out from that promise.

This was why he never wanted all this to go through.

Except,

When he made all those promises, he let himself break just one, teensy bit.

At 6 pm, just when you finished all your classes, the Red Hood was on the rooftop of the building across from you. And you never noticed. And even if you did, he didn’t know.

He watched you get out of the gates and wrap yourself in a sweater despite the humidity. Your head was down, and it was quite a walk to your car. He continued to follow you all the way down the street.

When you cross the pedestrian lane, he grappled to the next roof.

When you went through an alley, he made sure to keep a close eye, hand on his gun.

When you almost got run over by a man in a bike, he wanted to shoot his brains out.

You looked so perfect, so delicate, so beautiful in the most obvious ways. He just couldn’t help it.

Jason was always going to be here for you. No matter the dirty promises he told to keep. No matter how much he’ll try to suppress it.

Jason was always, without a doubt, going to love you for the rest of his days.

When you got to the car, he thought you were going to drive off home immediately.

But standing on top, where he couldn’t see you through the window, you were stuck in your car and you didn’t drive off.

Jason went to the opposite building and adjusted his optics so he could see through your car window.

You were crouched over the wheel, face buried in your hands. You were crying. And even if he couldn’t hear your sobs or clearly see the look on your face, he could see the frustrations, how it must have been hard to wake up and go through your day like nothing happened and be forced to forget about the one you loved. It was hard for him to do that himself. Why the fuck did he expect that from you?

And just like that, another tear fell down his face, masked over by his helmet.

He never left, and you were there for a considerable amount of time. You should’ve gotten home by now. But you cried, and continued to do so.

You fucking lied. You didn’t let him go.

Fuck him. Fuck him for hurting you like this. Fuck him for ruining everything. Fuck this and fuck the world.

Fuck his promises.

-----

“Girl, get those to the new shelf. And be careful not to smudge these with your sweaty ass palms.”

“Jeez, Ms. P, okay,” you faked a smile. You got the cart from her desk and pushed it onto the new set of shelves they placed near the old ones.

You only worked on Saturdays, and you should have thought about how much more it was going to sting coming back to work, seeing the library after everything that had happened and pretend you couldn’t see Jason wherever you go. And, of course, it was different this time. Because you no longer saw him and grieved, knowing the most precious thing in the world was gone. It was different now because that boy you followed around through the aisles and shelves was still here, being one of the most wanted criminals in the city who kept his distance from you by choice.

And you don’t know if it should make you feel any better or infinitely worse.

This time, you definitely had to try to move on. Perhaps it would be easier? That’s what you’ve been trying to tell yourself all the time. All those days of going to school and work and forcing yourself to forget the last four years of your life, you kept the reminder that this was his choice this time. He was alive. He knew you wanted him and still kept yourselves apart.

So yeah, maybe it will get easier.

Just not now.

“Y/N, I’m going. You close up.”

“Okay. Drive safe.”

Ms. Peterson left the room, but left the door open. The room was empty, and all the students had left for home. It was still fairly bright, and you still had a whole cart you wanted to shelf before you head back to your apartment.

Keeping your hands busy. It was the best thing to do.

You let yourself get lost into your trance, let the emptiness of thought consume you, make you believe nothing was going on when in fact, so much was happening around you. You kept the silence and worked your way through it. You didn’t cry. You didn’t let anything do a number on your exhausted mind.

You focused on the books. Placed them on the spaces. One. Two. Three.

You were lost in yourself. So lost in fact, that you didn’t notice someone at the door until you heard a knock.

“We’re closing up,” you said, thinking it was the janitor asking why you still hadn’t placed the chain lock.

“Need help?”

His deep, husky voice, so low and chilling, it sent you into a frozen, plunging spiral.

Slowly, you turned around.

Jason leaned against the doorway with a light brown leather jacket hugging his shoulders. He smiled at the sight of you, subtly so that it grounded you even more.

“What are you doing here?”

He started walking up to you, up to your cart. Jason turned to you and sighed.

“I promised you one more day.”

Yeah. He fucking did. You choked in your own breath.

“What do you say? For old times sake?”

He took a book from the cart, and just like he did almost four years ago on the first day of your library detention sentence, he held out his hand for you to shake.

You smiled.

-----

I DON’T HATE YOU - MASTERLIST

-----

ONE. MORE. PART. 

  everyartistwas-firstanamateur  @sarcasmismyfirstlove @damned-queen-of-gotham @idkmanicantenglish @wunderstell @birdy-bat-riya @get-loki@everyday-imfangirling @comic-nerd-dc @multifandoms916 @icequeen208@offendedfishnoises @egdolan @xemiefx @arkhamtoddler @elsenthal@mythicbitchx @supremehaunter @ burning-alive  @lucy-roo  roseangel013bf @ loxbbg  reclusive-chicken-nuggethttp-cherries shadowsndaisiesriver9noble zphilophobiazannoylinglyaries @knightfall05x @l-horizon11 flowersgirl02

#jason todd #jason todd x reader #reader insert #red hood x reader #red hood #batarella #batarella fluff #batarella angst #i don't hate you series #i don't hate you #jason todd x reader series #jason todd reader insert #batarella series

[ericssmile]

biggest mistake|| n.jm

warning(s): swearing; mention of divorce; slight suggestion but never implied?? idk there’s a mention of dick sucking is what I’m trying to get at; and very shit writing

pairing: na jaemin x reader

other character(s): huang renjun, lee haechan, lee jeno, mark lee and kim jungwoo

genre: childhood!friends to ex-friends; angst; bits of fluff if you look close enough

author: @ericssmile

summary: you and jaemin were pretty much joint at the hip since you were born, but.. high school came along and jaemin pretty much dumped you for popularity. but two years later, jaemin starts crawling back. why the sudden change of heart jaemin?

word count: 3k words

a/n: alright so this is pretty much my first ever full on fic... so imma little nervous and scared; but I hope you guys enjoy it!

High school. Every teenager's worst nightmare. Unfortunately, we all have to go through with it whether we like it or not. The constant amount of homework for far too many classes; and the teachers expecting everyone to spend a god awful amount of time on it; and friendships that come and go... and come back again, only for them to fuck off once again.

You know exactly how this feels. This hell, known as High School, has caused you so much stress. Not only that, but also this one “friendship”, a friendship that you have had since you were in diapers. This “friend” was now known as the schools “Heartthrob”. And his name is Na Jaemin.

Every time you see him, you can’t help but to roll your eyes at how ridiculous he is. Because, how can one sweet little boy turn into something he most certainly is not? How can said sweet boy promise to always be there for you, no matter what, but instead dumps you like garbage for popularity?

It’s definitely been a wild, yet confusing roller coaster of events.

You weren’t going to lie though; Jaemin was handsome. Had been blessed with good looks since the day he was born. It’s just his personality now that was not as attractive. There had been a couple of times when Jaemin had caught you staring at him -though from your point of view, it was more so glaring- at him, and he of course, in a true Na Jaemin matter, smirked and gave you a cheeky wink. It made you gag just slightly. But deep down, you couldn’t control the butterflies in the pit of your stomach.

Sometimes you couldn’t help but miss him at times. The places that you used to go together all the time, you passed by everyday; memories flooding back. You don’t go to them any more, the memories alone hurting you enough. You miss the way he had made you laugh; and how he was there for you when your parents were going through quite a rough divorce. Just thinking about him and all the happy memories you made together, hurts you to the point where you start feeling numb. And somewhere down the road, you asked yourself; “Did I fall in love with my best friend?” To answer your question, yes, yes you did. How clichè right? Well.. you can never really control how your heart feels I guess. And to this very day, deep, deep, deep down, -even if you won’t admit it to yourself- you’re still in love with him.

It was currently lunch time. The only time where you can be by yourself and away from all the distractions such as your two closest friends. Lee Haechan and Huang Renjun. One is a crackhead who is always loud (but never fails to make you laugh); and the other... is somewhat normal but is still very much a crackhead at times. The only day where they let you be by yourself is Wednesday’s. You’d always wondered why but never had the chance to ask. You assumed it was to let them study, but then that never made sense. Because they get distracted and never study. Unless they have to.

You enjoyed sitting outside, where the air was fresh with the scent of freshly cut grass withering in the air. You had this specific tree that you liked to sit under. It had the most comfortable patch of grass to sit on, and the trunk of the tree wasn’t too scratchy, but instead was very smooth to touch. And the shade that the green and red leaves supported was just right. You always had a book to read that you’ve borrowed from the schools library and your earphones playing a lofi playlist from your phone. It was your favourite way to relax and unwind, even if it was only for one hour or so.

Letting out a deep sigh, you take your twilight bookmark and put it between the pages you were up to, placing the book carefully beside you. You picked up your phone, tapping your fingers along to the soft beat, deciding to change the tempo and play a different song. Scrolling through the list of songs, you stop and press on Jason Derulo’s ‘Breathing’. For you, this song has a sentimental meaning. And for your mood right now, it’s definitely a perfect fit. You only ever listen to it when your mind starts wondering about thoughts of Jaemin. Always taking you back to all the good times you two shared. Sure, the lyrics have a completely different meaning to how Jason sings it, but you couldn’t help the way that you interpreted the song. You missed your best friend. When he left you felt like you couldn’t breath. It hurt watching him with Jeno and co. He looked genuinely happy. In a way, you felt betrayed. You hated the way it made you feel so small. You hated how you just wanted to run to him and hug him, to hear his voice and laugh again. To have him smile at you. I mean after all, he was meant to be your lifelong friend; you never expected him to do such a thing.

Listening to the song makes you remember moments you had. Like the first “competitive” snow ball fight with Jaemin win you were seven; you won that bout, though of course Jaemin kept saying that he let you win. And also, your very first day of high school. You had a ridiculous amount of nerves, but he was always there, right by your side, telling you that you and him were going to get through it together. That was probably the day you fell in love with him, without even noticing it.

And sometimes, you can’t help but come up with scenarios in your head. Imagining how life would be if he never left you for those popularity points; he would still be your best friend. You imagine your 16th birthday differently. Jaemin being there. He’d thrown you a party at his house, inviting all of your friends and simply just having the time of your lives. Sure, your actual 16th was fun and all, but Jaemin wasn’t there. He always knew how to liven up a party. Instead, he was with his “popular” friends; Lee Jeno, Mark Lee and Kim Jungwoo, completely forgetting about your birthday. To say that it killed you a little is a complete understatement.

Before you knew it, your head is leaning against the trunk of the tree, eyes closed, ears listening intently to the lyrics and beat; your lips moving along with Jason as he sang. Once again, multiple images of Jaemin were popping into your head. Scenarios that you’ve seen many times. Y/N and Jaemin, the inseparable tormentors; laughing, smiling, clowning around with all of your teachers and pulling ridiculous pranks on them. But then brand new scenarios showed up. Images where it’s 10 or 20 years into the future. Mr and Mrs Na. Nothing coming in between your love for one another and your own little family.

“Good to know that you still have killer vocals.” The sudden voice of your former friend caught you off guard, causing you to jolt slightly, dropping your phone into the patch of dead grass beside you.

Where the fuck did he come from

“Jesus Christ Jaemin! Don’t sneak up on someone like that!” You snark at the boy, only to see him smiling softly. Darn that god damn smile and causing you to get stupid butterflies. And an irregular heart beat. Why must he have an effect like this? It’s not fair.

Jaemin chuckles softly, plopping himself down next to you, letting out a deep groan as he reaches the ground. You know that kind of groan that a dad makes when they sit down? Yeah, that kind of groan. He rests his head next to yours on the trunk of the tree. This is the first time in a long time that he was able to relax; to really be away from all your typical high school girls who stared at him like as if he was Leonardo DiCaprio or something. Jaemin wasn’t going to lie, it was starting to get tiresome. And very creepy now that he thinks about it.

Sometimes he wishes that he could go back to his old life, where everything was normal. When he was with you. But, thanks to his stupid decision to let you go, he missed so many eventful moments with you. Your 16th birthday; also your 17th; when you got your driver's license; your first car; even your first job… why did he ever let you go to begin with?

“Sorry Y/N,” he starts, turning his head towards you. “Just had to point out that you still have the voice of an angel.” He shrugs nonchalantly, a sly smirk pulled onto his face.

One thing that you two did a lot together 24/7, was karaoke; you always won only because Jaemin had been in awe over how angelic your voice sounded.

The roll of your eyes didn’t go unnoticed by the boy and neither did your sarcastic chuckle. You were caught off guard by his statement to the point where you were almost speechless. But you kept your composure and crossed your arms across your chest. “Oh really? And how many girls have you said that to?” Your voice was stern, eyebrows raised and moved your hands to your lap, your grip on your phone tightening.

You tried to maintain eye contact with your former friend, but every now and then, your eyes -and self control- betrayed you and kept flickering to the smirk that every girl in school was head over heels for.

Jaemin’s signature smirk widened as he noticed this, but decided not to mention anything about it. To, you know, not mess with your little ego. But, as he thought over your question, his smirk slowly started fading away and instead, replaced it with a sad smile. His attention was now on his hands, playing with his silver ring that was worn on his middle finger; a nervous habit that he’s picked up ever since becoming friends with Jeno and co. And then, ever so quietly he says “Actually, you’re the only one I’ve said it to.” He then lifts his head, his sweet brown eyes meeting yours. Sincerity and hope written in them.

His heart was racing. And butterflies were going crazy in the pit of his stomach. He lets out a sigh, his breath wavering a little bit, his nerves starting to really show. The true Na Jaemin started to show himself.

This is the closest that the two of you had gotten since the second semester of 9th grade. God, even thinking about it makes him want to hate himself for what he did.

Your eyes were wide, expression shocked at the supposed heartthrobs confession. Those words you were not expecting at all. You were speechless. Actually speechless. Completely uncertain as to what to say or how to respond to that statement. What were you even supposed to say to that? Were you supposed to believe him? You wouldn’t know; you hadn’t really seen him be serenaded too

Because with the amount of desperate love struck teenage girls that serenaded him, he could’ve and he would’ve had the opportunity to tell them that “they had the voice of an angel.”, even if he was lying through his teeth. Because no one compares to you. Although something deep down inside of you was telling you that you should believe him. You tried pushing that thought away, but it stuck to you like glue.

You put your full attention into Jaemin now; noticing how much his demeanor has changed within the first few minutes he had approached you. Jaemins usual flirty, chatty self, was now unusually quiet and shy. You could see him playing with his ring, then the zipper on his jacket and then back to his ring again. Your eyes flickered to the silver jewellery gracing his finger, instantly recognising it as the ring you had bought him for his 15th birthday. The last birthday that you had celebrated together.

Did he miss you too? Is that why he kept the ring when he could’ve given it away or even pawned it off? Cause that’s what ex-best friends do right? Get rid of the shit they bought for one another?

I mean… you never really did. You still kept the one teddy bear, that was adorned with a baby blue ribbon around its neck, that he had won for you when you went to the arcade. That bear is almost 10 years old.. of course you were going to keep it. It held so much sentimental value.. maybe that’s what the ring did for him? Maybe.

Jaemin coughs slightly, turning his body towards you so that you were face to face with one another. “You know Y/N,” he sighs, one of his hands reaching for yours slowly. He watches your reaction carefully as his fingers wrap around yours. Your mind was telling you to just snatch your hand away, but you decided to listen to your heart and let him hold your hand. “you probably won’t believe me when I say this, but, you’ve always been on my mind-“ You couldn’t help but roll your eyes and scoff slightly, being in some form of denial at his confession. But the grip that he had on your hand, told you that he was speaking the truth. “I expected that reaction, but it’s one hundred percent true. Would I really say it just because I could?” His voice was stern, filled with mixed emotions. Nervousness. Sadness. Anger?

Sighing, you lent your head back against the tree trunk, letting out a quiet “no”, a small pout following through. The feeling of his thumb running along your knuckles, your heart had skipped a beat. That one action alone making you go crazy on the inside. You swallowed hard, already feeling the palm of your hand begin to get clammy.

“Look, Jaemin-“ Just as you begin your sentence, it was cut off by the school bell, signally for everyone to start heading toward their designated classes. Although you were quite happy that it happened, cause now you don’t really have to finish what you were going to say.

Jaemin on the other hand, had other plans. He noticed you trying to stand up, but the grip he had on your hand was still firm, not allowing you to leave. Not letting you out of his life again. He needs this closure. Desperately.

“Ignore the bell. Please, just, say what’s on your mind. Please.” Jaemin states in a desperate plea, voice cracking a little. “I was an idiot for ever letting you go. I- I don’t understand myself for why I even did it.” At this point he wasn’t even thinking. He was just saying what was on his mind.

You bit your lip, feeling it tremble slightly. Eyes were becoming blurry due to the tears begging to fall. Taking a deep breath, you blinked them away, now noticing your friends Haechan and Renjun coming towards you. You sniffle, now using your other hand to remove Jaemins from yours. He broke then. His own tears were starting to spill from his own eyes. The sight alone causes your heart to break.

“I’m sorry Jaemin. I- I can’t.” Your voice was trembling. You tried so hard to keep your composure, but now this moment was starting to become too much for you. You start packing all your items back into your book bag, the sound of Jaemin quietly sobbing to himself as his knees scraping against the dirt. Now he really was becoming desperate.

“I know what I did was- was a dick move! I know! But… but I just want my best friend back.” He tries to reach for your hand again, but this time you move away from him, quickly wiping away your stray tears. Now you were starting to become pissed. All of a sudden he wants you back? It took him two years to even realise that?

You could see that Haechan and Renjun we’re now watching the scenario before them; their eyes wide and fists tightening on their bag straps. “Look Jaemin. You had two years. Two years.” Your voice was raising in anger, losing any kind of self control. “You dumped me like I was fucking garbage! For what? Popularity points? To get your dick wet? Is that it?” At this point, you couldn’t care less if you were causing a scene. Almost everyone was watching the commotion. “Do you have any fucking idea how much it hurt, watching your supposed best friend having fun without you?” Your voice was dripping with venom, speaking your words through clenched teeth.

He felt pathetic on his knees in front of you with most of the students watching the two of you. This was the first time anyone had seen him cry. And he hated it. But on the other hand, he couldn’t care less.

“So Na Jaemin, it’s too fucking late for any pleads or apologies. I hope you have a fan-fucking-tastic life without me.” You made direct eye contact with Jaemin, his eyes were now beginning to become bloodshot red, his lip trembling.

You got yourself together, shaking your head and walking towards your friends. Their expressions were unreadable which was understandable. Even you had no idea what just happened. Too caught up in the moment. Blood pumping with anger.

Haechan and Renjun place their arms around your shoulders, walking you to your shared class. You just hoped to god that they won’t mention what just happened; because you just know that you’re gonna lose it.

As you walked away, Jaemin stayed in the exact position you left him in. On his knees in the dirt. His hands in front of them, helping him to keep his balance. The tears wouldn’t stop. His heart was breaking. And it was all his fault. He left you for popularity. Who would even do that? He did obviously.

God. How could he be so fucking stupid? Jeno, Mark and Jungwoo were by his side, but he just pushed them away. Getting to his feet and marching his way towards the boys bathroom. He fucked up this time. Now, there was no chance of having you back in his life.

a/n: ahhh... I am so very sorry about the it ended 😅; was lowkey kinda rushed??? but idk. I may edit it one day 🤷🏻‍♀️; if you liked it, I would love some feedback! Even if you didn’t like it! any kind of feedback would be lovely 🥺

© ericssmile, 2020; please do not take or repost

#nct #nct dream #nct 00 line #00 line #nct jaemin #na jaemin #nct dream angst #jaemin angst #00 line angst #nct x reader #nct dream x reader #jaemin x reader #na jaemin x reader #nct imagines #nct dream imagines #jaemin imagines #na jaemin imagines #nct scenarios #nct dream scenarios #jaemin scenarios #na jaemin scenarios #megan's writing

[curlystom]

again — peter parker

{ in which peter tries to make things right again }

a/n: this was a second part to a fic i wrote 2 years ago, but i cannot for life of me find it. luckily this can be read as a stand alone piece! this is what i get for deleting my old blog. sigh. 

word count: 2.9k

warnings: angst and fluff what’s new

MASTERLIST

The grey skies started to finally turn blue, leaving you wanting to do nothing but enjoy the fresh sunshine and freedom.

You hadn’t talked to Peter in 8 months. For some, 8 months was their entire relationship. For you, it felt like eternity. You had definitely cried yourself to sleep some nights and punched walls the next. To say you were a roller coaster of emotions was an understatement, but no one said break-ups were easy.

As the months went on, it became easier to go through the day without crumbling into a pool of tears. All of the memories you two made together became less vivid; however, it still hurt to visit all the places you two spent the most time. The park. The school parking lot. Your driveway. He was everywhere, but at the same time he wasn’t. 

It was a rainy Saturday afternoon. Although for the disappointing weather, your parents still decided to run errands downtown for the day, leaving you to hear the pounding rain against your bedroom window by yourself. Not that you minded.

You were quietly flipping through the pages of the book you were reading before the doorbell interrupted. Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion, because who on earth would be outside in these conditions? Nonetheless, you reluctantly got out of bed and slowly made your way towards the front door. 

The blinds were open enough to shed the little amount of light from outside, but you could still see the grey clouds painted along the dark sky, as well as the small raindrops racing towards the bottom of the window. You hadn’t gotten a good look at outside all day, but the glimpse you saw before opening the door was enough to tell you that it was bad. The thought of who would be crazy enough to walk around the neighborhood in pouring rain crossed your mind as you shot the door open, and in that moment you knew you found the answer to your unspoken question. 

Peter’s hair was flat against his forehead, dripping the excess water against his tinted cheeks. Your eyes widened at the boy, who was hugging himself to keep warm. He looked like he had been outside for some time, which made you worried that he probably walked all the way here from his home. 

“P-Peter? What the fuck are you doing?” You dragged his shivering body behind you, making him loudly exhale at the temperature difference inside of your house. 

“I-uh… you k-know… I-I was in the neighborhood and thought I w-would s-stop by. H-holy s-hit… it’s  cold.” Peter chattered as he opened and closed his hands to regain feeling there. 

“Bullshit. You haven’t said anything to me in 8 months.” You spat out, clenching your teeth.

You knew he was lying. Even after your time apart, you were still able to see right through him, despite how much he’s changed as a person. Peter knew that as well. He also knew how caring of a person you were, which is why he wasn’t surprised when you sighed and handed him the closest blanket before running off into your room to grab a spare of Peter’s clothes you had recently found in your closet. 

“Damn it, Peter.” You muttered under your breath as you ran back downstairs and threw the clothes at Peter’s face. 

Him being the enhanced person he is, he dodged the crumpled clothes and caught it, forcing you to roll your eyes in annoyance. You almost forgot about his reflexes. “Go change in the bathroom. I’ll make you some soup to warm you up.”

Peter nodded before shrugging off the now damp blanket and heading to your bathroom. You closed your eyes and threw your head back as you walked towards the kitchen. There was too much happening in your mind to process. Peter Parker was actually in your house, again. Never in a million years would you have dreamed that would happen. 

The scent of the boiling soup spread across the entire house, and Peter sighed in comfort once he was able to smell it from the bathroom. He hung his drenched clothes over the shower curtain pole before heading downstairs again. His lips formed into a small smile once he entered the kitchen, his presence surprising you as you turned around. 

Peter took a seat at the counter, awkwardly fiddling with his fingers as you poured his soup into his favorite bowl. He took notice of the small detail and smiled. 

“You remembered.”

You looked up at him with your eyebrow raised. “Like I could forget. You used to get mad at me for not using the right one.”

He stifled a laugh before finally accepting the soup you made. You took in his features, like you had done a million times. The freckles on his face remained the same, but the darkness under his eyes were more intense than you had remembered.

You frowned at the thought of him not getting enough rest. Peter was one to take care of others more than himself, but it was a characteristic about him that made you fall in love with him in the first place. In love, you thought. It seemed so long ago, when in reality it was still fresh. 

Peter slurped his soup in silence as you stared. You didn’t mean to, but quite frankly how could you not? The boy you fell in love with months ago, the same boy who broke your heart, was in front of you again as if nothing happened. The anger was building up inside once again, and you couldn’t help but clench your fists in frustration. 

He sensed it almost immediately, as usual. Peter always knew how you were feeling before you did, and he frowned as he felt your anger boil through your blood. He opened his mouth to speak but you held up your finger and interrupted his thoughts. He wasn’t about to get the first say in this when he had the last one.

“Nononono. You don’t get to do this.” You took a deep breath as your felt your eyes on the brink of slipping a few tears down your cheeks. 

You turned around so Peter couldn’t see how upset you still were, but he knew already. His heart began to ache at the sight of you falling apart. It never got easier for him to see you like that. 

“Y/N-” Peter stopped himself. The words he practiced as he walked to your place slipped from his mind. He thought about this moment for a long time. Talking to you again, seeing how you were holding up, it wasn’t as great as he would have hoped. You turned around, his eyes fixed on the soup in front of him. He didn’t dare to look up at you and see how broken he made you. 

You, on the other hand, didn’t care. If your eyes were weapons, they would have killed him in an instant. However, you knew it was best for the both of you to have this conversation civil, no matter how much you wanted to scream in his face and hit his chest rapidly. But you were better than that. 

“Why are you here, Peter?” You inhaled deeply. “And don’t give me some bullshit answer.” 

Peter built up the courage to look you in the eye for the first time since he walked in. You definitely looked better than he had expected. The bags under your eyes were less visible than what it used to be, and your skin had a fresh new glow to it. His face saddened knowing you were most likely better off without him. 

Being with him definitely added stress into your life, but you always reassured him that it was something you didn’t mind. However, seeing you here, happy and stress-free, made him wonder if you truly meant it. 

He stood up, immediately pacing back and forth as you mindlessly watched him. Peter always had to keep moving, especially when he became nervous. He puffed as his chest became tight, the nerves rushing throughout his body. “I-I miss you,” he mumbled. It was loud enough for you to hear, and it was all you needed. 

“No. No,” you cried out, running your fingers through your hair in frustration. “Absolutely not. 8 months Peter. 8 fucking months! Y-you can move on with your life a-a-and continue to converse with my friends but you can’t have the decency to put any effort between us!?” The pent up frustration that was exponentially growing hit its cap, and you had no shame on popping off on him.

“You just fucking dropped me Peter! God, y-you just ended it out of nowhere! You made me think for months that it was my fault. T-that I was.. I was the one who pushed you away..” you gasped for air, throwing your hands in the air as you became closer to Peter. “But it wasn’t me. It wasn’t my fault, and it took me months for me to fucking realize that. And it’s not fair that you… you get to waltz back into my life like nothing happened.” Hot tears were definitely streaming down your face, all the anger and confusion you stored away was going towards the one person you’ve been wanting to let it out on. 

Loud sobs escaped your chapped lips as you hit Peter’s chest, his hands holding your arms to keep you from collapsing. He stood there and took it. He had anticipated this reaction even before he walked over and rehearsed what he was going to say. You were always known to be a physically emotional person, and Peter learned that quickly. The memories of you shaking uncontrollably, violently scratching your arms and rubbing your face because of your sobs were embedded in his mind, something that he sees glimpses quite often. 

The hits against Peter’s chest became weaker as your sobs started to become more and more quiet. “W-Why would… would y-you ever… d-do that…to me?” Your legs gave out, your body fully resting against Peters. You were no longer angry or upset, but the heartache you felt before was pounding against your chest. He picked you up softly bridal style as he carried you to your room. 

It hadn’t changed one bit since the last time he saw it. Clothes were still sprawled out all over the floor, several piles of paper lazily tossed on your desk, your blankets and pillows messily laid out. It was you, and his chest suddenly didn’t feel tight anymore. He gently set you down on your bed before grabbing one of your several blankets that was rested on the edge and covering you with it. You immediately wiped your face with the soft cloth, not bothering to reach for the tissues that was close by. 

Peter moved strands of hair away from your face, you flinched at the feeling of his cold fingers touching your heated cheeks. “S-sorry… I didn’t realize my hands were still cold..” he apologized, retracting his hand to fiddle with his fingers.

Your chest expanded as your sobs continued, something you had absolutely no control over anymore. It always took time for you to calm down after a breakdown like that, and although everyone knew it was best to leave you alone during that time, Peter wanted to be next to you. 

“I-I know I hurt you.. a lot.” Peter said, trying his best to maintain eye contact with you. “A-and you have no idea how… how much it pained me to leave you alone for the last 8 months.” You rolled your eyes at his words, not buying it for one second.

Tears started to form again as you bit your lip, your teeth already drawing a little blood. “I-I know you think that’s total bullshit but… but fuck Y/N. I miss you.” His lip quivered, becoming even closer to the brink of breaking down. You subconsciously grabbed his hand, Peter flinching at the sudden contact. 

You hadn’t held his hand in what seemed like years, and you didn’t know you had withdrawals from his touch until then. Peter’s eyes widened at your soft gesture, his heart racing as your thumb grazed the back of his hand in comfort. It always seemed to calm him down when he was distressed. His breathing steadily became regular again before he retracted his hand to reach for something in his back pocket. 

A small frown formed at his action, but it was wiped away once your eyes landed on the familiar piece of paper he was now holding.

Your letter.

“I… I read this… almost every night. Y-You can even see some of the tear stains I left.” He chuckled. You prompted yourself up with your elbows so you rest against your headboard, your eyes never leaving the worn down letter you had written so many months ago. “I knew I wouldn’t be to.. you know… form words once I got here. We both know I’m bad at that so…. I-I wrote you something.”

The crisp, fresh piece of paper contrasted against the dull one behind it. It had been folded neatly, something Peter usually didn’t care about. However, it seemed like he wanted this to be perfect. You already knew he took his time writing it, wanting his handwriting to be as legible as possible. His hands were shaking as he handed you his letter, your heart pounding against your chest. Peter gave you a soft smile before resting his hands against his lap, trying his hardest not to fiddle with them or the blanket in front of him. You looked at the curly-haired boy once more before eyeing the letter in your hands.

I have dreamed for weeks thinking about giving you this letter. It’s something that I wish oh so deeply for, but we’re not on talking terms right now, and I don’t know if we’ll ever be but I just need you to know that you are the most important person in my life and I let that go.

God, you were my everything. You were the reason to get myself out of bed and go to that torturous history class. You had no idea how happy you made me. I know I told you that a lot but fuck Y/N, the smiles were endless with you. I don’t care how much we fought or how often you had an episode, I loved you through it all. And I just want you to know that I would never leave you for something like that. I love you too much. 

I don’t know what I was thinking. I was an idiot, and you have every right to hate me after what I did to you but I will never stop loving you. You’re my best friend, my other half, my person, and I will always remember the strong person you are. You make me who I am, and Y/N Y/L/N, you continue to make me want to become a better person everyday. 

If you read this, whenever you do, just know that no matter what happens I will be in your corner. I’ll continue to support you through everything. You can throw this away, burn it. Do whatever you want. But I love you Y/N, and I’ll love you through it all. 

Peter 

Surprised was written all over your face. The hand holding the letter fell against your lap as you kept your gaze down. Your mouth was slightly opened as you let go of a breath you didn’t know you were holding in. Every ounce of emotion you felt minutes before disappeared into the atmosphere and was replaced with the loving memories you tried so hard to forget. All the laughs and smiles with him, they resurrected back into your mind and your heart was piecing itself back together. 

Peter took in a deep breath before grabbing the unoccupied hand and bringing it up to his lips. He grazed your knuckles along his lips before leaving a chaste kiss. You bit the inside of your mouth to prevent a smile forming on your face. His soft lips always made your heart beat 10 times faster. 

“I’m really really sorry.” Peter rested his forehead against your hand which was being held by his and closed his eyes. You let go of the letter so you can run your fingers through his brown locks. It was no longer damp from the rain, but it had that fresh scent that you loved. “Come here..” You whispered.

Peter’s eyes fluttered open and saw a look he never thought he’d see again. You retracted your hand from his and scooted over so there was enough room for another person. His eyes lit up at the realization of you accepting his apology, but he still carefully climbed into bed next to you and threw his arm around your shoulders. You eased into his touch, relaxing your head into his chest so you could hear his heart beating. You slid your hand along his chest until it rested against the crook of his neck. 

Peter tensed a little at your movement, but the familiarity of the situation relaxed him.  You sighed in comfort as he faintly drew infinite circles on your arm, his touch almost too delicate. The crinkles around Peter’s eyes appeared when a bright, yet gentle smile was decorated along his freckled face. You were easing into contentment until you realized he was no longer skimming mindless circles but words. His touch was becoming more subtle, but what he was writing on your arm wasn’t. 

I love you, he wrote. 

Through it all, you thought, as you sunk into his arms again, never intending on letting go. 

#peter parker #peter parker one shot #peter parker fluff #peter parker x reader #peter parker fic #peter parker angst #tom holland #tom holland fic #tom holland fluff #tom holland x reader #tom holland one shot #tom holland angst

[haec-est-fides]

Tower of Nero Reactions

Tower of Nero absolutely wrecked me, exactly as I knew it would, but I can now say -- without a doubt -- that Trials of Apollo is my favorite Riordan series by far. It feels like a fitting ending in many ways, a capstone to an amazing journey that started back in 2005 (not that I’ve been around quite that long, lol).

Anyway, below the cut are some of my thoughts on this last book. Emotional roller coaster is an understatement, and I am still very much processing. (Also, I will keep tagging Tower of Nero spoilers until the end of November, just fyi.)

I don’t even know where to begin. This is going to be a long post...

I’ll start with the good news: ✨💜✨💛✨NERO✨💛✨💜✨

Not even kidding, I will never shut up about Nero. Trust me, if you told past me, at the very beginning of ToA, that in 2020 I’d be stanning Nero, I wouldn’t have believed you. Nevertheless, here I am.

Obligatory shout out to Pajama Nero, the moment I knew there was no going back 💜

I actually high key appreciate how the Triumvirate’s power was handled. I assumed as much at the end of Tyrant’s Tomb, but for Commodus and Caligula’s power to consolidate in Nero was perfect.

I’m trying not to scream about Nero, I promise. He’s just? God tier. Literally. 💛

The ultimatum? Throwing a party while NY burns? Even Dionysus said Nero has panache. His interior decorating and architectural sense? Impeccable. 💜

Ngl, Luguselwa betraying Nero had me VERY nervous until he completely called them out. His entire monologue? “I’m afraid your hands have offended me.” ??? 😳

Let’s be honest: every throne room scene killed me. Every line Nero had killed me. Why is he Like That?

How Nero made himself a metaphorical Kronos? Poetic cinema.

FaceTime Nero TM

The Sassanid gas was an absolute Power Move just btw

THE IMPERIAL HOUSEHOLD 💛

Nero and his fucking Purple Sofa TM

THE REMOTES !!! Dumb tech boiiiiiii 💜

When Lucius stabbed Apollo? So fucking proud of him. Next time, hit something vital, sweetheart. 🗡

You don’t know how hard I laughed when Apollo shot Nero directly in the face and Nero just glared at him and yelled “stop that!”

The Bee Gees TM

WHEN NERO CATCHES NICO’S SWORD WITH ONE HAND ?

HE BLEEDS ICHOR. ACTUAL, GOLDEN ICHOR.

WHEN HE BACKHANDS NICO ACROSS THE ROOM !

WHEN IT SEEMS AS IF HE PUSHES THE RIGHT BUTTON AND EVERYTHING IS OVER ?

Perfect Moments Do Exist 💜💛💜💛💜💛

Ofc, Will and Co. had to show up and ruin everything. Nero Panics TM and he is such a Baby TM ???

His fasces tho,,, ✨

HE GLOWS ? SHINY RADIANT SUN BOI ? ✨☀️✨ Commodus who? Caligula who? Nero said fuck Will Solace rights. How dare anyone outshine him in his own throne room? 💛

I should say something other than “Nero is a god” huh,,,

Making Nero tear apart his own fasces? I’d noticed that Riordan included the fact that Nero committed suicide in the glossary since book 1, and,,,yeah I was scared something like this would happen. Not this. This was worse.

His death scene? Oh my gods, I was a complete mess. How dare Apollo revoke Nero’s divinity? How dare Nero be burnt by his own divine power? How dare his last moments be spent sobbing, terrified? How dare Python literally drag Nero’s essence to Delphi and absorb it? *on the verge of tears*

I’m not going to get super into this rn, because it’s complicated and I’ll start crying again, but Python being the evil behind it all? The snake playing his own game, using both Apollo and the emperors as pawns? Whatever horrific power he had over the Triumvirate, and over Nero specifically? Nero taking it upon himself (for selfish, terrible reasons, yes) to step in and make sure that Python didn’t destroy humanity? When Nero, even with all his power, was fucking terrified of Python? I-

In Other News

I’ll be nice. Good for everyone who got their happy ending. I think Apollo’s “check-ins” were written fairly well. I think his personal feelings regarding being a god again were handled well in relation to his story arc.

How Apollo addresses the reader in closing? Oof.

Me @ Nico, Will, and Rachel specifically: Never Talk To Me Or My Romans Ever Again

Oh btw, I Am So Tired Of Hearing The Name Jason Grace. We get it. He’s a hero. Pls shut up.

What hurt the most, I think, is the way Triumvirate Holdings / the Imperial Household was handled. I knew it wouldn’t be done well. It still hurts.

We get some throwaway lines about Meg maybe inheriting the tower, CHB getting the Greek fire, the Germani being “regular people” but like,,, No?

Triumvirate Holdings is the largest, most influential company on the planet. Nero directly mentions the issue this poses: “You can’t destroy bank accounts with a bow and arrows.” All of that? Just? What? Isn’t a big deal?

I refuse to believe the Germani are just peachy integrating into society.

I refuse to believe the Imperial children are just peachy potting cacti in Palm Springs.

^ All of this will get its own post, because I’ve written posts about it before that I should follow up on. I’m just Bitter.

When Dionysus said “it appears some of us do get happy endings” I Felt that.

I suppose that’s the general overview. I’ll start posting my trash memes soon and work on like,,,real posts. This is also an open invitation to come yell at me btw!

#trials of apollo #toa #tower of nero #tower of nero spoilers #filodox! #so yeah I maybe fell harder for Nero than anyone could have anticipated #though I feel like I should have anticipated it #it was inevitable #no I do not take criticism #honestly if you don't want to see me stan Nero this is your warning #I have so much cursed shit to post