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sunshinereversed · 4 years

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𝙙𝙮𝙡𝙖𝙣’𝙨 “𝙛𝙡𝙤𝙬𝙚𝙧𝙨 𝙤𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙖𝙡𝙡”: 𝙖𝙣 𝙖𝙣𝙖𝙡𝙮𝙨𝙞𝙨

I think it’s eerily prophetic how the song “Flowers on the Wall” (performed by the Statler Brothers) radiates so strongly with Dylan Klebold. The country tune has already been associated with Dylan because it appears in the background of the video where he and Nate are driving to school. But if you really listen to the lyrics and reflect on Dylan’s inner struggles, they coincide strangely well.

Let’s take the very first line of the song.

I keep hearin' you're concerned about my happiness.

The constant ‘Are you okay? Are you sure you’re okay? You seem so down lately’ from his parents, especially Sue, is reflected here. His mother sees that Dylan is ‘moody and irritable,’ often withdrawn, spending time hauled up in his room. She notices the tightness of his voice, which is unlike him, and she offers to make him French toast or an omelet. This must be about something small, she thinks. Yet his sullen demeanor stays as days turn to weeks, and she must ask again in vain, ‘Are you okay?’

But all that thought you're givin' me is conscience, I guess.

It doesn’t even cross Sue’s mind that her son may be unwell. She is simply asking out of concern for him looking unhappy, believing whatever it is will solve itself out. His mother wears her heart on her sleeve, and it pains her to see him so sad. But what can she do if he refuses to talk about it? All she can do is ask and wait for it to pass. He’s a good kid, after all. He’ll do the right thing because she’s worked hard to instill her morals into what he does.

If I were walkin' in your shoes, I wouldn't worry none.

Dylan reassures her repeatedly. ‘I’m only tired. I have a lot of homework. Nothing’s wrong. No one gives me a tough time, I’m 6’4”.’ He wishes she would leave him alone. He thinks she wouldn’t understand; she wouldn’t listen. He tells his parents not to worry. ‘You can trust me,’ he tells his mother one evening after the prom. Dylan goes out of his way to prove that he is the golden child. It works, and they worry none.

While you 'n' your friends are worried about me I'm havin' lots of fun.

Dylan’s social life serves as a mask for what is going on in his mind. He goes over to his friends’ houses, bowls on Friday nights, makes videos after school, plays catch with his dad, and even watches old movies with his mother. He has pictures of good times with friends. Outwardly, he is smiling; life is a dream. This makes his parents rethink their concerns. He’s a happy kid who does normal teenage things. What is there to worry about? He’s assuring those around him that he’s fine.

Now here comes the chorus, which is a bit tricky but makes sense when you consider these things:

Countin' flowers on the wall.

If anyone is familiar with the book The Yellow Wallpaper by Charlotte Perkins Gilman, this might be a clue. Like the protagonist in the book, Dylan is trapped in his four-walled cell (his bedroom) which is where he does most of his thinking and spiraling downwards. This is where he writes in his journal and vents his frustrations. It’s a toxic environment for his brain. His room is where he cries himself to sleep; hugs his pillow in loneliness; gets drunk by himself. Most importantly, it’s where he blurs fantasy and reality. While not as plainly mad as the poor woman from Gilman’s novel, Dylan is mentally tortured by what he perceives to be ‘an unfair/miserable existence’ and being ‘stuck in humanity.’ He rejects both, and often retreats into his fantasy where he is with his love and away from the world. The ‘flowers on the wall’ symbolizes his own deception of life when he is alone, and might not only symbolize his bedroom, but also his brain.

That don't bother me at all.

Unlike the real world, Dylan very much prefers to live in the fictional one he’s conjured within his mind. It’s his safe place. Paradoxically, his mind is also where he tears himself down and others around him. It’s a poisonous escape. Yet he is already so far gone in that escape, he can’t see the damage he is doing to himself. And he continues to do so, unbothered, and unaware.

Playin' solitaire till dawn with a deck of fifty-one.

‘Playing solitaire’ could be a metaphor symbolizing his isolation and loneliness, his solitude. Solitaire is a single-player game, and Dylan feels alienated most of the time, especially when he is sulking in his room. Thinking, always thinking. Sometimes, as the line implies, until dawn. He is a night owl who cannot sleep because his mind is constantly awake. Playing music, conversing in chats on the computer, formulating poems in his notebooks, doodling, or just thinking (negatively). He oversleeps often because he is up late doing these things. He is alone, in the middle of the night, consumed by his own sadness. Something is missing inside him, and that is why he plays with ‘a deck of fifty-one.’ He thinks a significant other is the thing that is missing, and if he finds her, he will finally be playing with fifty-two cards, figuratively.

Smokin' cigarettes and watchin' Captain Kangaroo.

For Dylan, this is a dichotomy. An everlasting contrast. The balance between two things, lightness, and darkness, good and evil, etc. He’s doing grown-up things like holding a job, applying to colleges, driving a car, and as the lyrics say, smoking cigarettes. Marlboro, preferably. At the same time, Dylan is caught between acting his age and longing for simpler days. This is where ‘watching Captain Kangaroo’ comes in. It’s a kid’s show and is intended for such an audience. Dylan thinks back with nostalgia for his childhood, when life wasn’t full of disappointments, stress, high school bullies, responsibility. He hangs onto items that remind him of his youth: his stuffed koala, origami, classic movies, his trademark baseball cap, his love for fixing old cars with his dad. Dylan is stuck somewhere in the middle of the two, never truly satisfied with one over the other.

Now don't tell me I've nothin' to do.

Again, Dylan tells those around him that he is perfectly fine by engaging in normal teenage things. He hides how depressed he feels. Dylan becomes increasingly irritated the more people ask if he’s okay. The repetition of this line throughout the song is more like a cry for help than a reassurance.

Last night I dressed in tails, pretended I was on the town.

This could symbolize several things, but what comes to my mind is Dylan’s prom night. The fact that he even goes to prom is a pleasant surprise to his parents, confirming that there’s nothing abnormal lurking on the horizon. His father helps him get dressed in his tuxedo, struggles to figure out how the bow tie works, and he pulls his newly washed hair back into a neat ponytail. His mother thinks he looks quite handsome, comparing him to a character in a movie they are both fond of. For a moment, he is just a normal high school kid going to a dance. Nothing out of the boring ordinary.

As long as I can dream it's hard to slow this swinger down.

For one night, at the prom, Dylan pretends this is his life. He is good at blocking out what he considers evil, and Dylan allows himself to enjoy the moment. He’s had a lot of practice at ignoring his pain. If he can retreat into the fantasy he’s created in his mind, he is capable of anything, good or bad. It’s like an out-of-body experience. He’s not there when he’s there. Nothing can stop him. He has two settings at this point, 0 and 100. An unhealthy dreamer can be deadly not only to others, but to the dreamer himself.

So please don't give a thought to me, I'm really doin' fine.

As mentioned previously, Dylan flies under the radar to not be asked about his well-being. He holds out his arms to point to all these social activities he’s engaging in with his friends as if to say ‘Look what I’m doing. I’m fine. Do not worry.’ It’s a cruel deception, and he doesn’t even realize he is being deceived as much as those around him are. Dylan starts to believe what he’s telling others. He doesn’t think he is worth the worry.

You can always find me here; I'm havin' quite a time.

‘Here’ can mean one of several places: his bedroom, his mind, or perhaps his existence. Either way, ‘I’m having quite a time’ is a sarcastic remark. He’s drowning in his harmful thoughts, yet that’s where he feels the safest. It’s his protective shell that he puts up against the world. Dylan entertains the idea over and over in his mind that his love is waiting for him in another existence. No matter where he physically is, he’s ‘always there’, lost in his thoughts.

The chorus repeats. Dylan outwardly seems okay. Left to his own devices, he is not.

It's good to see you, I must go, I know I look a fright.

This is a goodbye. Even though it is a casual farewell, it has deeply painful undertones. He says he didn’t like life too much but hopes he will find peace in the next one. He offers a final goodbye to those he loved, family and friends. ‘It’s good to see you’ displays how detached he feels toward the end. These are no longer people he knows fondly; it was simply good to see them. The thoughts must end, and he must leave before they worsen. Like the lyrics suggest, he doesn’t want to stick around and knows he must go. A big part of his self-esteem had to do with his self-image. The line ‘I know I look a fright’ symbolizes how negatively he thought of his own appearance. Dylan couldn’t see his own attractiveness. He felt awkward due to his height, long facial features, shaggy hair, and the way he dressed.

Anyway, my eyes are not accustomed to this light.

This is the trademark dark sunglasses that Dylan wears almost everywhere. He hides behind them, shielding his tears from the world. The light comes from the sun, and he cannot withstand the same light that others can, a nod to him feeling isolated from humanity. Though he is called the ‘sunshine boy,’ his eyes are not meant for its light. So, he dawns the shades to (metaphorically) keep it out.

And my shoes are not accustomed to this hard concrete.

Unlike the sneakers worn by the jocks at his high school, Dylan sports black combat boots. They are unusual among the other students, but Dylan feels comfortable in them. Again, he separates himself from the rest of humanity. He is not meant for it. He knows he must go somewhere he feels free.

So I must go back to my room and make my day complete.

By the end of the song, it becomes clear that Dylan now lives inside the world he’s created in his mind. It almost becomes odd for him not to retreat there at least once a day if not all the time. But like the final lyrics, he goes to stay there forever and never to return.

The final repetition of the chorus only emphasizes the truth. He was not ‘doing fine’, despite all the work of convincing others the opposite.

The last line loops again before the song ends. The upbeat and happy tune only makes the message more haunting.

Don't tell me I've nothin' to do.

And no one did.

#analysis #flowers on the wall #dylan klebold #american tragedy

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obsidianfr3sk · 4 years

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Rise of the Renegades (Chapter 2)

Summary: Heroes come from the most unexpected places. Heroes sometimes feel a little too different, a little too scared, a little too alone. But heroes also know when enough is enough, and that before saving the world, they need to save themselves. And they cannot do it alone.

They were going to be the hope of the world. They were going to call themselves the Renegades. Even if they didn’t know it yet.

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26246812/chapters/64292134#workskin

A few weeks ago I was having kind of a writer’s block and my mom a friend of mine (cof cof @dawniebb cof cof) recommended me to create a playlist for my fic... and I did. @nodrianbcyes already listened to it and said it ruled so I’m gonna share it with you guys, pls don’t make fun of my music taste (? You can listen to it clicking here.

Mmmm, what else, what else??? Hope you like it! Reblogs, funny tags, likes and dead threats are always welcome!

Tag list: @healing-winston-pratt @alecjamesartino @ohmyskies @blueraspberry-official (tell me if you want in or out, don’t worry)

The stupidest plan

You fell asleep in my car, I drove the whole time,

but that's ok, I'll just avoid the holes so you sleep fine.

I'm driving here I sit, cursing my government,

for not using my taxes to fill holes with more cement.

Hugh

He had spent the whole night sketching the battle between Wonder Man and Ace Anarchy. It had been very tedious to be working without proper lighting. For a moment he believed that when morning came, his drawing would not look as good as he thought. However, the morning had come.

And it was perfect.

Although now that he was polishing the last details while waiting for classes to begin, he came across a question that kept him from concentrating.

Simon quietly walked into the classroom, as if he was afraid of bothering someone with his mere presence (although they literally were only ones there). He sat in the first seat in the row to his right. Simon hated sitting upfront because he said it only brought more attention to himself than he wanted to. However, Hugh couldn't sit anywhere else. His glasses weren't the best.

Also, it was strangely depressing to sit on the last row and see that of the forty tables in the room, only fifteen were filled. Twenty if it was a busy day. From the front, it was easier to ignore that more than half of the kids in his class had dropped out of school.

But Hugh had enough of ignoring things.

“What color are Ace Anarchy’s eyes?” he asked Simon.

“Good morning to you too,” he replied sarcastically.

“Good morning.” He took gray in one hand and blue in the other. “What color are Ace Anarchy's eyes?”

Simon looked carefully at the colors. “I don't know, gray? I feel like they are gray. I can't imagine him having blue eyes.”

Hugh agreed.

“What are you drawing?” Simon asked.

“Propaganda,” he replied with a mischievous smile.

“It looks good.”

“I’m a propaganda expert, indeed.” He grabbed his classroom chair and pushed it to the right next to Simon's. He would return it to its place when the professor entered. “Have you thought about what I told you about yesterday?”

He looked away. “No.”

He shook his head. Simon was lying. “I was being very serious, you know.”

“And I was too. Stop thinking bullshit,” and he smacked him on the back of the neck. “Or do I have to beat those ideas out of you, Wonder Man?”

Hugh hit him back, but in the arm. “Come on. I don’t believe it is bullshit.”

And I don't think you believe that either.

“All right, but you believe many things. You believed in Santa Claus until very recently.” Simon started playing with a ball of crumpled paper that had been lying on the floor for a week. “When you told me ‘Simon, but it has all the logic in the world that Santa exists, he is a prodigy, like us ’ and I was like—"

“A part of me died that tragic day,” he said in a dramatic voice, one hand on his chest. “My childhood…”

“You were eleven years old. It was to save you from bullying. I was protecting you.” The door opened again and they both turned at the same time to see who it was. It was just a group of girls. Good. “It's not like it helped that much though.”

He shrugged.

Neither Simon nor he had been spared from bullying during those years. All the schools in the district were mostly filled with non-prodigies because most of the prodigies were in gangs or hiding in their homes. The few who were still in school did their best not to cause problems and to go unnoticed. They were part of that last group since middle school.

However, the entire school found out about their powers when Simon got so nervous at a presentation that he disappeared in front of his entire class. Hugh tried to intervene but stood up so fast that he tripped over his backpack and hit his nose on the floor. He did not bleed or receive a single scratch. People were quick to connect the dots.

Obviously if one was a prodigy, the other one was too.

Alter all, freaks stuck together.

They thought high school was going to be different, but no. On the first day, an older boy caught Simon turning invisible intermittently in the bathroom while having a panic attack. A few hours later, a girl tried to stab Hugh with a pencil and all it did was break it as soon as it made contact with his skin.

“The next time you have a panic attack,” he told Simon on their way home, “tell me.”

“And the next time someone tries to stab you with a pencil, you stab them back.”

When you were a prodigy, it didn't matter if one believed in Santa or not. The mere fact of existing was enough to cause problems.

“At eleven you're still a kid,” Simon kicked him under the bench as he laughed. “Did you ever believe in Santa?”

“No. At my house the one who gave the presents was Baby Jesus,” he replied. “But I didn't believe in him either. How could a baby deliver all those gifts? His hands are too tiny”

Simon gave a light laugh, but Hugh couldn't even smile.

He toyed with the color blue. “Simon, did you ever believe in something?”

Simon bit the inside of his cheek and looked up at the ceiling. He took his sweet time thinking before replying, “I have believed in things.”

He breathed a sigh of relief. “Like what things?”

“Well... I believed the stories my mom told me before bed,” he replied. “I also believed they were never going to stop producing The Scarlet Enchantress and the Phantom Feline comics—” He gestured for him to come closer— “or that I was going to be a prodigy,” he whispered.

Hugh smiled at him. “The best curse ever.”

“What did you believe in?”

He laid his head on his desk. “I have a whole list.”

Simon covered his head with his hood and pretended to be ready to fall asleep. “The short version of that list, then.”

Hugh imitated him. “I used to believe that adults never grew up. Like, they were born as adults,” Simon laughed and rolled his eyes. “I thought little people were running the television inside of it. I thought my aunt was the most beautiful woman in the world—”

“She is,” Simon replied.

“Simon, stop it. She is my aunt. You have many other girls to choose from.”

“They are not as pretty as your aunt.”

“Simon!”

Simon laughed and the girls shushed him. His friend turned red in the ears as they returned to their conversation like nothing. Hugh wanted to point out how rude they had been.

However, when Simon discreetly smiled at him again, he decided to continue with his list. Those girls were not worthy of his attention. “I also believed in Santa Claus, until someone ruined my hopes and dreams.” Another kick. Simon kicked people too much. “But I also believe in that someone, you know.”

Simon's smile almost disappeared. “Well... that someone doesn't believe in himself.”

I knew it.

He understood his friend. He really did. He knew there were times when Simon would get more nervous than normal in banal situations. Or that he had some days when he didn't want to get out of bed at all.

Those were the worst.

But despite that, not a single day passed that Simon didn't get up and go to school with him. Even when Hugh had to stop at his house and practically beg him to do it.

Simon had never left him alone. And Hugh wasn't going to do it now.

He gifted him the widest of his smiles. “Well that someone doesn't have to worry about it. I can believe in him for both of us.”

Simon stared into his eyes for several seconds. He felt like he knew that face as well as he knew his. “Are you sure?” he asked.

“I am sure,” he replied.

Simon kicked him again.

Hugh felt sparks exploding inside his stomach.

Suddenly, a body slammed into the lockers, and screams filled the school hallway. The trio of girls ran out to see who was involved. Hugh leaned out of the small window in the door. He had always believed he was above that kind of thing, and he was. But it was also the most interesting thing that was going to happen all day.

Simon followed him.

They were a couple of boys from their grade, the same ones who constantly teased them. One with curly blond hair was holding his friend by the collar of his shirt and was yelling an infinity of curse words. The other three in his group, instead of separating them as good friends would do, they had joined the chorus of “Fight! Fight!"

Who knows why they were fighting. They were always fighting someone, but never with each other. They usually grabbed someone smaller than themselves for that, like the prodigy boy that was a grade below them. (They would never physically fight Hugh or Simon, making jokes at their expense was enough for them.)

Cowards.

Maybe they were just brutally bored.

But there had to be other ways to shake off the boredom.

“I'm going to tell a teacher,” Hugh said.

At that moment, one of the girls ran out of the scene in the direction of the teachers' office. Well, at least now he wouldn't be the one to look like a snitch in front of his entire grade.

“That someone is slightly concerned,” Simon whispered.

“Why?” The blond slammed his friend again, but this time, against the door. “For them?”

“No,” he replied, a little disturbed by the tremendous blow that boy had received. “I am— that someone is... Well, what if the plan you have in your head is stupid?”

At that moment, Hugh realized that he had no plans. That was weird. He always had a plan for everything.

Beating Ace Anarchy should be no exception.

“I suppose we can come up with something. The two of us,” he added.

The fight was broken up by a short-haired teacher. They hurriedly returned their school chairs to their places and the rest of their class entered. Five, six, nine...

Eleven. Only eleven kids had attended that day. And that counting the ones who were fighting a few moments ago.

“Don't think that someone is just going to blindly follow you,” Simon whispered. “He will tell you when you have a stupid plan.”

“I would be very grateful for that,” he also replied in a whisper. “Although I always have amazing plans, to begin with.”

Simon tried to kick him, but at that moment, the teacher from the first class entered. Hugh chuckled, and in response, Simon discreetly raised his middle finger in his direction.

He knew at that moment that it would not be a stupid plan.

#renegades #archenemies #supernova #renegades trilogy #fic #ao3 #OG renegades #hugh everhart #simon westwood #georgia rawles #tamaya rae #kasumi hasegawa #evander wade #rise of the renegades #two bros trying to be straight #humon #i guess #lol

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hydra-collector · 4 years

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a sanders sides analysis of “far“

far, if you’re not aware (which honestly you probably werent) is an album by regina spektor (the same one as ‘one more time with feeling’ from logan’s playlist) and regina spektor has songs that work weirdly well with sanders sides so i’m going to give each song on the album a side. i might do this again with ‘what we saw from the cheap seats’ but its not as weirdly perfect as far.

this ended up being really long, so it’s under the cut.

the calculation: logan, no question. it’s basically about trying to 'calculate’ love from what they saw around them, mostly in media, because don’t understand it. they’re desperate to make it work, so they try again and again “beating their hearts against each other” and eventually, it sparks. intrulogical if you’d like someone to pair it with, since roman has all the romance with thomas.

eet: this one was more difficult, but i think its a lot of patton. after all, the summary on genius literally says “’Eet’ is a wistful, introspective song brimming with nostalgia. The overarching themes seem to be about a person’s development of morality through their experience in their childhood.” it connects a lot to ‘moving on’ in that respect, where thomas wishes he could go back to the times he remembered in patton’s room. if you don’t already know, eet is the backspace key on a typewriter, but since it actually prints letters, you can’t really go back. i also think the line “using your headphones to drown out your mind” is perfect for virgil. i think in “someone’s deciding whether or not to steal/he opens a window just to feel the chill/he hears that outside a small boy just started to cry/’cause it’s his turn, but his brother won’t let him try” janus could be the thief, trying to decide what thomas should take for himself, and obviously remus would be the brother that’s crying because he doesn’t get his turn to be listened to.

blue lips: janus or logan. part of it is kind of like an analysis of society, but it’s mostly about death and aging, which i think both of them will have thought about. the line “the pictures in his mind awoke/and began to breed” definitely reminds me of remus, intrusive thoughts and stuff. its preceded in one verse by “and no one saw and no one heard/they just followed lead” which i think could be about how thomas won’t let himself talk about remus’s thoughts, or janus’s lies, or even logan being tired of how thomas just tries to do everything everyone else does.

folding chair: roman, i think. part of it, patton, maybe. it’s hard to articulate exactly what i mean, but i think a lot of it has to do with being tired and lonely. i think maybe what i’m thinking with roman is that he’s been living so long one kind of way, but it’s not a happy kind of way. like he wants to do something (maybe flashbacks to ‘broadway here i come’ mayybe) or become a dark side, but he’s scared. “now i’ve been sitting on this abandoned beach for years/waiting for the salty water to cover up my ears/but every time the tide comes in to take me home/i get scared, and i’m sitting here alone.” i’m still not completely sure why this came off as roman to me, but maybe someone else would see it better. i don’t think it fits nearly as well as the other songs, but hey, i said i’d do all of them.

machine: janus or logan. kind of surprised it’s not a definite ‘logan,’ with its name, but it’s a lot about society and there’s a transition from “pre-war apartment” to “post-war apartment” which doesn’t fit logan very well at all. and rather than being ‘i am a machine,’ it’s “i’m hooked into machine.” i think that implies that the machine is society (forgive me if that doesn’t make much sense, genius doesn’t have much on this one) because we’re so intertwined, so connected to each other and functioning as a society, possibly how the government wants us to. some of the lyrics make me think it’s about some alternate universe, like “I collect my moments/into a correspondence/with a mightier power/who just lacks my perspective/and who lacks my organics/and who covets my defects,” which is the only reason i didn’t take logan out of the characters completely.

laughing with: janus, if he’s singing it sarcastically. i think he would be making fun of the people who ‘laugh at god.’ also the line “no one laughs at god on the day they realize/that the last sight they'll ever see is a pair of hateful eyes” which i think would’ve resonated very well with janus before svsr. not gonna say much else bc i can barely listen to the song as it is, much less analyze it.

human of the year: maybe also janus, but then again maybe moreso roman or patton. i say janus mostly because it has a very creepy vibe to go with the fictional award of “human of the year.” but roman or patton fits more with the receiver of the award. at least roman would probably give up anything to be deemed that great person, that hero.

two birds: anxceit babyyy. or roceit. it’s really weird because i can’t really tell whether virgil is leaving the wire or janus. the obvious option would be virgil, leaving for the light sides, but the subtler option is the callback. then again, i’m not sure if the one on the wire would change to roman or the general light sides if it was the callback. i also don’t think that virgil wanted janus to come with him, which doesn’t make sense for how the one bird would ask and the other would lie (hehe deceit) and say he was going to come. then again, that could just be a different interpretation of how virgil left the dark sides. in my opinion, though, roceit is much more fun. “i’ll believe it all:” roman. “i won’t let go of your hand:” janus. roman is lying to janus, he’s saying he wants to go to the wedding. janus is trying to just get him to go to the callback. roman’s tempted by it, tempted by how janus is treating him. the line “one more or one less, nobody’s worried” could maybe be janus trying to convince them that it doesn’t matter if they go to the wedding, that lee and mary lee won’t really care. anxceit’s also fun, though.

dance anthem of the 80′s: doesn’t really have a side that it fits in canon, but i think it’d be interesting to put it with patton in an AU. the character is peppy and innocent at first, but it descends into a more depressing tone. i also think the heteronormativity does it a favor in its context. again, it has nothing to do with canon, just thought it’d be cool in an AU.

genius next door: logan, or remus. this song hurts me every time i hear it, since i’ve started associating it with logan. it’s pretty much about this kid, the genius, who’s presumably depressed and goes into the lake each night, holding his breath until he comes back up. this ends up being a bad idea, because at one point he holds his breath too long, and dies in the lake. mostly as i’ve thought about it, i’ve considered logan, but honestly it kind of fits remus better, like how he “didn't care as long as he was able/to strip his clothes off by the dumpsters/at night while everyone was sleeping/and wade midway into that porridge/just him and his secret he was keeping” (the porridge is the lake.) in addition to that, they describe his death as “and the genius next door was sleeping/dreaming that the antidote was orgasm.” sorry for y’all having to catch me referencing other songs, but in the mountain goat’s “amy aka spent gladiator 1″ he says “do every stupid thing that makes you feel alive/do every stupid thing to try to drive the dark away” (which i think is also a very remus song) so he’s describing how it feels good to risk your life. the adrenaline will make you “feel alive,” which is probably why the kid in the song did it (which i saw in the comments someone compared to being the ‘orgasm.’) and while this is not a good idea, considering what happened to the genius next door, i do think it’s a very remus thing to do if he was depressed.

wallet: patton. it’s a very cute song, and it’s pretty much just about how the singer found a wallet, looked at it a little, then returned it to the owner. the singer says “i have no wallet/i keep my cards together with a blue rubber band” and i think that would be something patton does. “you'll never know me/i'll never know you/but you'll be so happy/when they call you up” is probably how patton would feel returning it. finally, something not depressing.

one more time with feeling: i don’t need to choose a side for this one, it’s already logan. i do want to share my thoughts on it, though, ‘cause it seems i disagree with a couple people (plus i didn’t analyze his playlist so i haven’t said anything about it before.) “everyone takes turns/now it's yours to play the part.” he’s supposed to help thomas, as he did in dwit and tried to in svsr. “and the misery inside their eyes is synchronized and reflecting it to yours.” they didn’t listen, though, in svsr and it took half an hour in dwit. for the chorus, “hold on/one more time with feeling/try it again, breathing's just a rhythm/say it in your mind until you know that the words are right/this is why we fight,” i think maybe he’s trying to be interesting to them. to just get through it, and practice and practice until he has the words that they’ll like. that’s just my little hc, though. “you thought by now you'd be/so much better than you are/you thought by now they'd see/that you had come so far.” these lines hit the hardest for me. remember how logan was in the beginning? especially in moving on, he seemed to have no compassion for thomas’s feelings. but hasn’t he gotten better? i think he’s trying to be better to them, to be kinder about emotional problems. and he has come far, but not as far as he would’ve liked, especially considering that he hasn’t seen them appreciate it. he was hoping that they’d notice, that they’d be glad he was doing better. that they’d be proud of him. but they aren’t. they just disregard him even more, unable to forget about who he was, unable to consider how far he’d come (maybe projecting a little.) i also think that the “this is why we fight” could be him talking about how because they don’t listen, he’s exhausted from getting angry at them each episode, and they get annoyed but their ignorance is why they fight.

as a whole, i think he’s just trying again, and again, and again, and i thought, maybe he’s trying with feeling. like, he’s trying to feel for them, trying to care. maybe it has to do with what he did in svsr, where he hinted at his feelings, how he felt like they didn’t care. and they didn’t say a thing. they only could’ve reinforced the idea that even though they’ve tried to tell him that he feels, they don’t care. i went on a whole rant about patton, roman, and thomas in svsr and i could again, but that’s not related to the song.

man of a thousand faces: roman, loosely. at first i was like “man of a thousand faces?!?! janus?!?” but it actually barely fits him at all. it might actually be about drugs, but we’ll ignore that. “his words are quiet like stains are/on a tablecloth washed in a river/stains that are trying to cover for each other/or at least blend in with the pattern” could represent his mistakes, his ideas, maybe stuff that didn’t turn out. and maybe the better ideas will cover up his mistakes. “good is better than perfect.” it could be that his perfectionism is driving him insane, and he needs to start reminding himself that it’s better if he starts reaching for at least just good. “and i’m crying for things that/i tell others to do without crying” is such a roman line i...

anyway that’s the album. if you read through this i’m... impressed.

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whyisnicole · 4 years

Text

Show Me Your Darkness - Chapter 3

Hi guys! I just wanna say thank you so, so much to everyone who checked out chapter 1! I really, truly hope that you like it, and lemme know what you think!

PLEASE NOTE TRIGGER WARNINGS: Do not read if you are sensitive to suicidal tendencies or suicide in general. This fic contains themes of torture, depression, and language. It picks up but please be cautious of these things <3

"I'm just sayin', YN, you know I've got the room. I think you and Alex would make quite the nice pair of… roomies, hmm?"

You give a humor-filled scoff and your friend, Alex, flips a not-so-sarcastic sarcastic "fuck you" to the red and black clad buddy that you've somehow unwillingly, yet gratefully, acquired.

Your days following HYDRA had been anything but easy - but you weren't the kind of person to simply lay down and die. Literally.

Not only had you managed to free yourself from the imprisonment of a never ending life-sentence as some foreign army's personal test subject, you'd discovered exactly what it was that made you so damn special. You had the power of manipulation - the power of control. Whether it be emotions, matter, life itself, or the body-sized black wings that you could expose or tuck away at any given time, you finally were able to be the one in control.

There was only one side effect:

You couldn't stay dead.

Whenever you would die, you would come back within a matter of minutes, and you've had more than a fair share of time to test that fact. You'd been low after escaping the taught hold of your previous prison; after all, who wouldn't have been? You never truly remembered a time where you had anything, but now you were all on your own. Simply some freak with giant wings who was brand new to her powers - which meant you couldn't control the fact that you could control everything…

And you couldn't handle it.

You did everything you could.

Pills.

Asphyxiation.

Slicing and Dicing yourself until you couldn't move.

Throwing yourself off from any height you could find.

You basically gave Wade Wilson himself a run for his money, and unsurprisingly found that nothing ever worked.

You'd always wake up again, gasping for breath and remembering simply closing your eyes, praying they wouldn't ever open again. But they always did.

It was during one of your famous drowning attempts that you'd met a girl named Alex.

You were standing on the edge of some bridge, no cars passing, no life in sight; just the sound of rushing water beneath your swaying form. All alone, enjoying the quiet serenity and brief peace that was brought to you… Until you heard her. Some chick, bounding towards you and stopping a good thirty or so feet away, screaming out to you, desperately trying to get your attention. You remember her dark features illuminated under the soft light of the street lamp. You remember her standing at a far enough distance yet she was still all too close. You remember the panic in her troubled eyes and the way the wind tussled and whipped around her shoulder length curly black hair as she held her worn jacket close to her body in an attempt to shield herself from the nipping breeze.

And you distinctly remembered telling her to stay away.

You had told her to stay back,

"You need to leave."

"I can't do that…"

"Forget you ever saw this and Just go!"

That you hadn't wanted to hurt her like you hurt everybody else,

"You don't know what I've done!"

"It doesn't matter!

"Yes it does! And if you don't back the fuck up, turn around, and get the hell out of here, then you're just gonna be another victim of me!"

But did she listen?

Fuck no.

So you didn't listen to her telling you to back away and rethink whatever problem it was that you were facing.

You slightly believed her when she said that you could get through this, but only because you knew, deep down, that you'd live. But you were just done with the conversation.

So you did what you'd grown to do best and simply just left…

You jumped.

Feet leaving the pavement as the harsh cold graced your face, and the sensation of tranquility, of freedom coursed through your body.

You felt the smack of the water and a moment of old, but then nothing.

Until you felt everything again.

You jolted awake, spewing water from your lips as you felt the rhythmic pounding on your chest come to a sudden halt.

Alex.

That stupid, idiotic badass had climbed down and catapulted herself into freezing water to save your ass that didn't even need saving.

From that day on you knew you weren't getting rid of her anytime soon, and you'd grown to be beyond grateful for that.

Since the nearly five years that you'd been introduced into each-others lives, you'd learned a lot about one another. You'd learned what made each-other tick, what made each-other happy, mad, sad, and all of the in-between's, and you'd learned each-others secrets. You'd learned everything about what went into making you guys the people that you are now. She knew what you were, and you knew that she was an underestimated genius that could give the best of the best a run for their money - even if she did do some stupid shit now and then.

And you'd also learned that people suck.

You have a small group of close-knit friends that you considered to be more like a family than anything else.

You have a place to lay your head and the best roommate and friend that you could ever ask for.

And you'd also discovered that you do indeed have a purpose. You still struggled with the belief that you're just some freak - some strange phenomenon that doesn't deserve to see the light of day after doing what you've done and being capable of doing the things that you can do, but that's where your new found family came in. Always there to pick you up and dust you off during the worst of times, as you had learned to do for them as well.

You were set.

"Well that's very sweet of you, Wade," Said Alex, bringing you back to the present conversation; "But I think we're quite set here. Nobody to bother us, nobody to try and get me to hack into all the extra channels on their TV, nobody to relentlessly be shot down time after time by YN…"

Wade gasped in mock offense at the painfully hilarious rejection from Alex.

You'd be lying if you said moving in with Wade didn't appeal to you, but you hated to take. And, while you knew you could trust him with your life, and that he would never ask anything for crashing at his place, the "Friendly Neighborhood Deadpool" was fun to watch when he was determined and constantly rejected.

And, besides that, you were content. All you wanted was a place to crash with your most trusted friend, and to be able to fulfill your purpose. To be able to do good with the hand that you've been dealt.

And you had that.

Was it some random, abandoned government-owned home?

Yes.

But was it just you and Alex?

Yes.

And though you wouldn't mind having a third roomie, you knew that Alex and Wade would probably kill each-other if they didn't have at least a nightly break. And you were comfortable. You'd never ask for anything other than livable, and you'd never ask anyone to inconvenience themselves for your pleasure.

It just wasn't you.

"How dare you?" Wade gasped, hands against his cheeks as he feigned disgrace.

You and Alex can't to anything aside from burst out in laughter as Wade simply stood up and shook his head.

"Alright, alright you two. You've won this round. But don't pretend like I'm stupid, I know why you two want your own place… And just remember, I'm more than okay with bringing the party back to my place. Last thing I'd mind is joining in with Steph and Lena."

Wade returns the friendly fire and is simply met with a chorus of "Piss off, Wade" and "Fuck you, Pool" as he makes his was out of the run down home.

"I'm just sayin'," he says behind his masked smirk.

"But seriously, you need anything, you call. Got it, missies?" He questions.

As annoying as he was persistent, Wade truly does care and was always going to be there for both you and Alex. You knew that you'd not only gained a sister, but an overly-nosey and annoying protective older brother. The night you'd met Wade was just as intense as the night you'd met Alex.

It was roughly two years ago after a late-night mission had gone south for you that the red spandex wearing vigilante had caught the tail end of your fight with a neighborhood trouble maker that did a little more than steal a candy bar here and there.

You'd heard and seen evidence of this particular asshole dealing around in the matter of underground drug cartel operations, and you'd finally gotten a hold of his whereabouts.

You knew it was stupid and risky, but he'd slipped from your grasp before and you couldn't let that happen again.

You'd been working with a "team" - that team consisting of yourself, a blind badass who went by the alias of "Daredevil" as opposed to his day name of Matthew, and some tough guy named Frank with a vengeance and skillset that you never wanted to find yourself on the wrong end of. His given name of "The Punisher" was there for a reason after all…

At the time, you were just working with them to simply get the case over with, but little did you know that those two gents would quickly become a special part of your tight-knit, dysfunctional family.

But they were lagging, and you were ready; just not as ready as you thought.

It had been a couple of years ago, and you still hadn't mastered your technique yet, and not much has really changed, you've just gained a lot of practice and experience since then.

You'd managed to off the crook, but you'd taken a hell of a beating at the same time. And, while you couldn't technically die, it still hurt like a bitch.

That's where the red-suited anti-hero named Wade Wilson, or "Deadpool", came into the picture.

Apparently the asshole you'd dispatched was on more than just one or two hitlists.

Wade had been hot on his tail, but managed to stumble across a beaten and bruised chick with wings, and the lifeless form of the prick he was targeting.

It was when Wade was scolding you about your techniques and making his classic witty remarks while carrying you home as you bled out in his arms that you knew you'd gained another accomplice...

And you were all the more grateful for him in the long run.

"We know, Wade. Thank you." You smile, giving him a small nod.

"Yeah, now get lost and go make a difference. Don't die too much." Alex sasses.

"Wouldn't make a difference!" Wade returns as he tries (and fails) to make a graceful and "cool" exit. He's never gonna learn that he's really better off walking away instead of trying some new trick that he swears he can master after watching one of those fail compilation videos.

He never masters it.

Ever.

"God, will he ever learn." Alex scoffs, tossing her head back and exasperatedly throwing her left arm over her face - her right one laying next to her, hand gently clasped around the neck of a bottle.

"Must you ask," you smile, "At this point I think your answer is pretty well clear."

The two of you share a laugh and Alex takes a short swig.

"Well," she says as she tosses the bottle outside of the half-way boarded up window in the run down living room;

"It's getting pretty late. I think I'm gonna head to bed. You gonna go do your thing?"

You take a moment to ponder before giving an affirming nod.

"Yeah, I'll go patrol for a bit. Check some things out, make sure nothing too crazy is going down tonight." You sigh, groaning as you pull yourself up off of your dingy pallet on the hard cement floor.

"It's Hell's Kitchen, Y/N. Crazy is a side effect here." Alex's scoffs as she cleans up her sleeping area a bit - dusting off the blankets and fluffing her pillow as much as possible before taking a seat on top of the freshly-made little nest atop a mattress stationed against the corner of the living room.

"I can't correct you there."

A sigh escapes your lips as you pull off your plain white, short sleeved V-neck, and slip on a long sleeved black one instead; followed by a zipped up olive cargo jacket and black knee high lace-up boots.

"That's cuz' I'm always correct." Alex retorts, a smirk painting her features bright.

"Yeah, yeah. Be home later. Stay safe and don't wait up." You smile, bidding Alex goodnight as you slip your phone into one of the zippers of your jacket and slide out the front door.

"Wouldn't dream of it."

Alex smiles as she switches off the lantern sitting in-between your pallets, her glowing dark brown skin no longer illuminated by the soft yellow light. Tying her hair into the most perfected messy bun New York has ever seen, she wiggles herself in between the scratchy yet comforting blankets. Bidding you a silent goodnight, she whispers a quick prayer for protection and a safe night for the both of you before shutting her eyes and drifting to sleep after about half an hour of tossing and turning.

-------------------

Tags:

@eridanuswave

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team-science-mega-nerds · 5 years

Text

@shatterpath Prompt: Lena and Alex love what they have become, but they miss being scientists! Who could possibly understand the similar positions that they are in?

It isn’t that Alex doesn’t enjoy the perks of the job. Leadership, control over her hours, and free coffee courtesy of Vasquez - who arrives a whole hour before everyone else to make it. Alex is good at her job. Great even, but she felt a twinge of guilt when J’onn had announced her promotion to a chorus of cheers and Alex’s stomach twisted into a knot.

She had been working years for this. It’s what she wanted. Truly. But there was also that voice in the back of her head that kept saying isn’t there something missing? Because she’d felt it when her friends and family were buying rounds of drinks at their favorite bar, complementing her on all of her hard work. J’onn looked proud and for the first time in what seems like a hundred years, Alex didn’t wish that her father was there. Partially because J’onn had been there for Alex more than Jerimiah ever had, but also because Jerimiah could read her far too well and he would know that she wasn’t completely happy.

She’d tried to switch her route coming into the DEO. The left wing instead of the right. Coming in early, showing up late, but nothing worked. Alex still had to pass a lab. Her lab. And nothing ever quite felt like home except that place. Occasionally, Alex gets to oversee procedures and tests, but she doesn’t have time to spend hours in there like she used to and it’s been eating at her enough to slowly dwindle down her excitement about her new job enough to make people notice.

Kara is slightly oblivious. She seems very caught up on the idea that Alex is still wallowing in self-pity over Maggie. In fact, Kara had purposefully avoided going out with Lucy whenever Alex was around. Alex resented being considered that fragile and she insisted that Kara and Lucy continue on with their on again off again fling. At least it was entertaining to watch Kara squirm while Lucy tried to both be a flirty little shit and maintain appropriate boundaries.

At least Vasquez and Winn are treating her normally. They’ll occasionally ask her if she wants to join their DnD game, which she does - somehow - enjoy. They think she’s lonely.

They’re probably right.

It isn’t until Alex gets this call in the middle of the night that she even has an inkling of what’s going on with her. “Hello?” Alex checks her clock, it’s 3:16 in the morning and she immediately assumes the worst. It must be Kara calling or someone from the DEO. Alex mentally prepares to get into work mode. Her gun is in her lockbox, her shoes were trashed after that deadly fire escape last week, but at least she knew where her jacket was.

“Hey, Alex.” Oh. It’s Lena. Lena who has never once called Alex. Lena who once accidentally texted her a shepherd's pie recipe and apologized profusely for interrupting Alex’s day. Alex had talked to Lena alone approximately two times. Once when there was a bomb scare at LCorp and once during a bar trivia night when Kara, James, and Winn had ditched them because they thought they saw some famous baseball player near the tiny little stage. Alex had pinched Kara’s side as her sister scrambled out of the booth because Alex was concerned that being alone with Lena was going to be extremely awkward. And it had been, at first, but then Lena proved herself to be rather lighthearted and occasionally very sarcastic, and Alex liked that about her. Maybe a little too much.

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah, um...” Alex could hear movement on the other end, Alex seriously hoped that Lena hadn’t been kidnapped because that was going to be a hell of a ransom. “So, my friend Jack is in town and he got alcohol poisoning like some kind of nineteen year old, and Sam...who is also wasted, fell and broke her arm, so...”

“You need a doctor on call?”

“Kind of. I would hate for this to get into the papers somehow. You don’t have to if you don’t want to-.”

“No way, it sounds fun. Where are you guys?”

“LCorp. In my lab. Text me when you’re here and I’ll let you in.” Alex hangs up and throws on whatever clothes she can find that have been discarded on her floor. She sloshes mouthwash around her mouth as she combs her hair and that’s about all the effort she’s willing to put in for this late at night. She brushes the dust off her medkit, gets on her bike, and speeds off toward LCorp.

No traffic has made a ten-minute drive take two minutes and when Alex arrives Lena is already propping open the door and waiting for her. “Thank you so much for coming.”

“Anytime.” They do a little awkward shuffle as they enter the building, but Lena seems to compose herself enough to hit the elevator button and only slightly lean against the wall, which lets Alex know that Lena must be slightly tipsy. “Fun night?”

“It was very fun. And then we all started losing count.” Lena laughs a little at herself.

“You look nice.”

“Thanks.” Lena looks down at her black lace top dress. “Do you really think so? I feel a little juvenile in this thing.”

“No, it’s cute.” The elevator dings open before Alex can tell Lena that she looks really cute in the dress. Alex is so wrapped up in the sparkling white of the incredible and well-designed lab that it takes her a whole two minutes to notice Sam and Jack - she assumes - making poorly constructed paper airplanes and tossing them between their hospital beds. Jack has the upper hand, literally, as Sam’s arm hangs at her side. “Wow.”

“Alex!” Sam says enthusiastically. “Jack, that’s Alex.”

“Hiya, Doc.” Jack still looks very drunk but the fluids that Lena has administered must be helping. “Sam fucking ate it.”

“I was trying to help you, idiot.” Sam uses her good arm to throw a paper airplane in Jack’s general direction. She misses by a mile. Alex goes over to check Jack’s fluids briefly before she turns her attention to Sam. “You should get a lab coat.”

“And cover up those arms? That would be a crime,” Jack exclaims.

“Jack, leave her alone!” Lena warns. Alex feels the spot on Sam’s arm where the bone has been broken, gently. “How does it look?”

“Not too bad,” Alex says. She looks up at Sam with a reassuring smile. “I’m not even worried about you. You seem tough.”

“I’m drunk and tough, so I guess that helps.” Sam refuses to look at anything that Alex does. Jack feeds her peanuts that he’s found God knows where and Lena holds Sam’s other arm, rubbing her hand soothingly. “You’re good.”

“I’m surprised I still remember how to do this.”

“You don’t get to spend much time working in labs anymore, do you? Or med bays?” Lena questions. Alex tries not to let it show how much she’s dishearted by those two facts.

“Not really,” Alex replies.

“Did you do a lot of research? Before your promotion, I mean.” Lena seems to now be only focused on Alex. Sam doesn’t seem to mind, Jack is too drunk to care.

“Uh...a little. Mostly side projects. Don’t tell anyone, but they weren’t exactly CDC approved. Or J’onn approved.” Alex remembers all those times when she’d spend the hours between saving the city and finding new ways to change the world. Those were good times. She felt like everything was exactly as it should be.

“You sound like Lena back in college,” Jack slurs. “She’d rather be stuck in a lab than party.”

“I was never ‘stuck’ in a lab. It’s...it’s different. You don’t get it.” Lena waves him off. Alex’s eyes find Lena’s and she really does feel like she’s seeing the younger woman for the first time now.

“I know what you mean,” Alex tells her.

“Well, my lab is always open. If you’re interested,” Lena offers with a smile.

“That’s gotta be a euphemism,” Sam mutters which only makes Alex break her concentration and struggle to find a way not to blush. Lena’s blushing too, even her neck and shoulders have turned a lovely shade of pink.

“I am interested.” Lena’s eyes widen slightly and it takes Alex a second to realize that Lena - and probably Jack and Sam - are unsure if Alex is interested in the offer or the euphemism. “In the...lab. I miss discovery. That was my favorite part.” When Lena and Alex manage to get Sam and Jack to sleep, they’re left in some kind of limbo. Alex doesn’t want to leave them two alone. She also doesn’t want to leave Lena. “I can stay if you want. We can take turns watching them.”

“No, it’s alright. I can never sleep in a lab anyway. There’s always something I could work on and I’m afraid I’ll probably start at least three things tonight.”

“Okay.” Alex smiles. “Sounds like fun to me.”

“You’re such a nerd.” Lena nudges Alex’s shoulder with her own. “I like that about you.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Alex takes off her leather jacket and puts it over Lena’s shoulders. “Okay, so where should we begin?”

#agentcorp #lena luthor #alex danvers #sam arias #jack spheer #supergirl #gotta love some big ol nerds

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aoibhs · 6 years

Text

Good Morning Oxford!

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from The Riot Club/Posh, and all OCs were beautifully crafted by @club-riot

"Well..," Elizabeth looked around, noticing that all her fellow club members had already left. Even Poppy. They were probably all so drunk that they either forgot about her, thought she had gone home or thought that she was, in fact, still with them. She exhaled at the thought and did her best to keep calm. She wasn't going to fly off the handle in front of all these beautiful boys, even if alcohol usually had the emotional effect on her. She was determined not to start crying over something stupid like that, "It's getting late. I should be getting back," "Where would you go? The night's only starting," The pretty boy, Harry, said. There was a childish quality to his smile in that moment. "The girls have disappeared," Elizabeth shrugged a laugh, "It seems we've been talking for longer than I thought," "No no no, have another drink!" Toby hugged her waist, in both a protective and highly clingy fashion. "It's late guys, I can't," She shook her head, trying to pry Toby's arms from her torso. "Are you staying on campus?" Dimitri asked before downing the remaining dregs of his drink. "Yeah," She finally got him off, but wound up spinning around in a circle in the process, nearly falling over. James stepped in to steady her. She noticed George leaning against the wall, pointing at her with his mouth ajar, as if he was just about to tell someone to catch her but the alcohol had slowed his reactions down quite a bit. When he realized that James had already stepped in, he just slowly and awkwardly lowered his hand and looked away, completely bewildered. "Do you need a lift?" Dimitri didn't even notice that she nearly fell over, he was too busy straightening out the cuffs of his shirt. "Oh no, I'll be fine walking," She smiled, taking a step back towards the nightclub that was beginning to empty. "It's two in the morning, Lizzy," James furrowed his eyebrows. "Anything could happen to you out there!" Guy leaned towards her, trying to get past Ed who was, once again, blocking his view of her. His eyes were wide with alarm. Elizabeth wondered if he opened them any widen if they would pop right out of his head. "It's a scary world out there," Harry smirked over at her. "I'm not afraid of a few muggers," She rolled her eyes, knowing Harry was just attempting to spook her for the fun of it. "Well, you should be," Guy said curtly, stepping forward properly, "And if you're going to be that reckless then I insist on walking you back," As he finished speaking, he fixed his hair, which wasn't particularly messy in the first place. "Oh you've done it now," James chuckled. "But I-" "No," Guy held his hand up to cut her off, "I'm going with you," "Either he goes with you or we all do," George slurred slightly from the wall. Ed actually looked at Toby with genuine excitement. Dimitri and Harry just started laughing, knowing how the situation would play out. "Let's go, Guy," She tapped him on the shoulder and swiftly turned on her heel to walk back into the club. "Are you ashamed of us!?" Dimitri jokingly called after her. "Give me a reason not to be!" She called back, laughing, "Goodnight!" There was a chorus of goodnights from a mixture of Toby, Ed and James and then there came a faint one about twelve seconds after, Elizabeth figured that one was George. She waited at the main door for Guy to get his coat from the cloakroom, he didn't take too long thankfully, so they got to walking quick enough. The streets were ridiculously empty. The people of Oxford were sound asleep. And the silence was a little unnerving between the two of them. He kept turning to her, about to say something but then turning away. He did this at least four times before Elizabeth began to pity his intoxicated mind. "You didn't have to do this," She looked down at her black high heels clicking against the carefully cobbled street. "Of course I did," He scoffed, "Are you cold?" "Hmm?" Her eyes snapped up to his at the question, "What?" "Are you cold?" He gestured to her hands that were clutching her forearms. "Oh no, I'm fine," She chuckled nervously. She was lying and it was very obvious but she wasn't going to demand anything from him. He was already walking her back to her dorm as it was. She was caught off guard when Poppy invited her to go out. She told her to get ready quickly, so she ran out of her dorm as fast as she could once she had applied that last bit of cherry red lipstick, and completely forgot her jacket. "Alright," He said, looking on ahead. There was a short spell of quiet again. But Guy figured that he should say something this time, since she spoke first the last time, "What school did you go to? Cheltenham?" "No, um.. Actually I went to Cambridge," She smiled awkwardly. "Fuck off. Seriously?" He pulled a strange shocked face that caused Elizabeth to burst out laughing. "Yeah, my family is pro-Cambridge," She tucked a lock of her dark hair behind her ear, nodding as she spoke. "But you're at Oxford.." He was so confused, it was nearly adorable. In fact, it was. "Yes," She laughed, "Yes, I am," "Wouldn't your family prefer it if you were a Cambridge student?" "Very much so," She sighed, rubbing her arms again self-consciously, "I'm, eh.. I'm the family disappointment, if you will," She joked. "So, your parents went to Cambridge?" "Yeah and my older brothers," "So, why Oxford?" "I liked the course better, I liked the university better," She shrugged, smiling a little. "That's remarkable!" He beamed at her. "Is it?" Elizabeth snorted slightly to herself, tucking another non-existent strand of hair behind her ear. "Do you want my coat?" "No!" Elizabeth wasn't prepared for the abrupt subject change and panicked, trying to keep him from doing anything else for her. So, her panic-fueled mind forced her voice to come off far more defensive and aggressive than she would ever hope. She blinked, shocked at herself, "I.. I mean.. What?" Guy, laughing, began to remove his beige coat. "You're clearly freezing. Here," He draped it over her shoulders before she could push him away. "Guy, I'm honestly fine," Her protests were pointless. "It's October in England. Don't tell me you're not freezing," He smirked, knowing he had won. "You are just impossible, Guy Bellingfield," She shook her head at him, smiling and reaching up to hold the coat in place. "Oh stop it," He waved his hand in quite a girly way, causing Elizabeth to go into a fit of giggles. "Do you have a dorm here too?" She managed to ask after she finished laughing. "No, Dimitri and I have our own flats in the area," He said. "What? They're probably on the other side of the city," Elizabeth's eyes widened, "You can't be walking me home, you'll be walking miles to get home," She grabbed the coat from her shoulders and held it up for him to take. "Lizzy, relax. I told you I'd walk you back and I intent to do so," Why was he smirking? "But you'll have to walk back.." She trailed off. Another argument lost. "I will give Dimitri a call who will be by shortly to drive me back," That's why he was smirking, "What else is a Greek useful for anyway?" Elizabeth laughed grimly, shaking her head disapprovingly, but still laughing nonetheless, "Now, will you please put the coat back on?" Elizabeth looked down at the coat and nearly groaned, "Dear God, the things I have to do," Guy shook his head and grabbed the jacket from her, forcing it back onto her shoulders. "You didn't have to do any of this," She huffed, but playfully. In fairness, she was still laughing. "You are the one who wanted to walk home alone on a cold October night," He poked her shoulder, "Shaw, you left me with no choice," "Oh, I do apologize," Her sarcastic words gained a false glare from Guy. "There's no need to attack me," He placed a hand on his chest as if she had literally attacked him, "I'm just a good citizen, doing what any nobleman would do," "Yes, I would've had an entire entourage of Riot Club members if I wanted," She looked into the distance with a dreamy smile of her lips. "Yeah? Well, I offered first," He nodded, almost proud of himself. "Nothing about 'I insist on walking you home' is offering," She smirked. "Go back to Cambridge," He shoved her playfully. Of course, this spiraled into a full-fledged play fight. It had to stop when Guy nearly pushed Elizabeth into the fountain in the square. When he was helping her up,both of them laughing like children, barely inches between them, Guy's phone started ringing. He smiled apologetically and stepped away to answer it, leaving Elizabeth to stand there, a blushing mess. "Bellend, where the fuck are you? Did you die?" It was Dimitri. "We're nearly at the University grounds, no need to worry about me," He chuckled in a haughty manner. "You're only getting there now?" Dimitri sounded both shocked and disappointed, but also massively baffled, "Mate, it's four in the morning," "Oh... well, good morning!" As he spoke, he looked over at Elizabeth sitting by the fountain and smiled at her. She chuckled and looked at her feet. "I'm not coming to get you, Bellend," "Yes, you are," He said. "I'm fucking tired, mate. Walk home," "But I'm.... lost and scared, Dimitri, you have to help me," He searched his brain for excuses. "....Okay fine, meet me back at the club in ten minutes, Bellingfield," Dimitri sighed and hung up. "Is everything okay?" Elizabeth's voice drifted over from the fountain. "I need to go," He smiled awkwardly, not entirely happy with the outcome of the evening, "Is your dorm far from here?" "It's literally just inside there," She pointed over to the main gates of the university, "Why? What's happened?" "The Greek's having a revolution," He rolled his eyes. "I told you not to walk me home!" She slapped his shoulder. "Ow!" "Here," She handed him his coat. "Thanks, but I'm really sorry, I've got to run," His face filled with dread, "Will you be okay from here on your own?" "I'll be fine, now go!" She gave him a slight push. "See you later!" He called as he started to run down the road again. He hated running. He kept finding himself glancing back at her and she was still there each time, waiting for him to be out of sight. Once he was gone, Elizabeth sighed and brought her palms up to touch her cheeks. She was surprised her skin hadn't burned right of her flesh. The heat radiating from her face could probably be sensed miles away and be mistaken for a burning house. "Yeah.." She began to walk towards the gates and sighed, smiling to herself, "See you later,"

Chapter Four

#the riot club #guybellingfield #fanfiction #harryvilliers #dimitri mitropoulos #edmontgomery #tobymaitland #alistair ryle #milesrichards #laurensmall #jamesleighton-masters #hugofraser-tyrwhitt #georgebalfour #riotclub #character x oc #posh

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kkaebsongtypo · 7 years

Text

Still Nothing // Huang Renjun

A/N: I have T E R R I B L E writer’s block and I’m hella frustrated so here’s a little scenario of Renjun trying to help you with writer’s block but even though it doesn’t work,,,,,,,,,,, you’ll sEE THE FLUFF IS GOING TO HAPPEN

pairing: renjun x writer!reader

genre: fluff,,,, but there’s a yelling MC

notes/warnings: there’s anger, frustration, and cursing, but it’s not that bad.

word count: 1668

I don’t proof read,,,,, i just gave up on that so i’m sorry for mistakes and such

You looked up from the book you were reading and resisted the urge to throw it across your room. It was a saturday and you had a whole bunch of homework. Your procrastination level was beyond comprehensible at the moment. There was a lit circle on Monday, (yes, the lit circle for the book you were trying to read,) you had a mini exhibition Wednesday (which you were not ready for,) you were supposed to already have a project idea ready for Wednesday (but surprise, surprise, you didn’t,) there was this fucking math thing that made no sense to you, and some other stuff you just couldn’t bring yourself to think about. You just had no motivation at all. It was driving you crazy. This book was driving you crazy.

You weren’t much of a reader, which made no sense because you loved to write. You’ve always enjoyed it, but you’ve only been a serious writer for a few years now. You already had an idea for your senior thesis, you wanted to write a book about passion. It was only October and you were so overwhelmed with school work and it’s been hard for you to balance it with writing. Writing was all you wanted to do. You had most inspiration in class. It’s class though, so obviously, you can’t just write in class all day. It was the most frustrating thing.

You placed to book on your bedside table and sighed, falling against your pillows. You glanced down on at your laptop that sat, open, near the end of your bed. You sat up and reached for it, pulling onto your lap before opening up a new tab and a blank document. You started at the blinking line blankly for a few seconds before falling back once again with an exasperated groan. Writer’s block. Deciding that you needed some type of inspiration, you shuffled your playlist, hoping for an inspiring song. Sitting back up, you started typing whatever was on your mind. Feeling pretty good about what was flowing from your mind to your keyboard, you paused to read over it. It was 1 and a half paragraphs of pure shit. You slammed your finger onto the back space key, erasing the embarrassing excuse of an introduction. After letting out an anger filled “ughhhhhh’ followed by a few strained whining noises, the door to you bedroom opened. You looked up to see your boyfriend looking rather confused.

"hey, are you okay babe?” he asked as he shut your door and walked over to your bed.

You look at him and rolled your eyes.

“Yeah, Renjun. I’m G R E A T.” oh boy,,,, you were in a terrible mood.

Renjun looked at you, slightly surprised at your behavior, and use of his actual name (he was used to you calling him Jun, or Junnie, or like, babe, y'know.) He sat down next to your sprawled out figure and moved your head into his lap. Groaning as he did so.

“alright babe, what’s wrong?” he said looking down at you and stroking your hair.

“you’re rarely sarcastic with me” he laughed lightly, which made you look up at him with puppy dog eyes.

You pushed yourself up off his lap and looked at your laptop screen. Which was still blank.

“I have mountains of homework, but I have Z E R O motivation, and I really want to write, but I have writer’s block, and I’m reALLY FUCKING FRUSTRATED.” slamming your laptop shut after yelling in anger. Your boyfriend sighed and pulled you towards him. He gently shushed you and rubbed your arms.

“it’s okay babe, you’ll get inspir-” he was cut off by you standing and sighing with anger and frustration clear in your voice.

“No! Renjun! It’s not okay! Everything is due this week and I have to read this stupid book and I have to talk about my independent read on Wednesday, which I haven’t read one page of, and I’m so overwhelmed, and I’m super stressed out about it, and I can’t find any motiva-” it was your turn to be cut off, by Renjun swiftly moving to your panicked figure and pressing his lips to yours. You melted into the kiss and he moved one hand from your waist to cheek. You two pulled away after a solid 10 seconds. (Y'ALL I LOVE RENJUN.) He lifted your face to look up at him after you looked down, and he smiled with adoration.

“I was hoping that would take your mind of things” he said quietly, with a sweet, innocent smile.

“Oh my gosh babe, it’s not going to be that easy to get my mind off of everything.” you sighed as all of your work flooded your mind again. Pulling away from his hold, you started to walk back over to your laptop. You didn’t make it very far, as you were pulled back into his embrace.

“What else can I do for you sweets?” he questioned, resting his chin on your shoulder from behind after pressing a quick kiss to you cheek. You placed your hands over his and turned your head slightly to look at him. As you opened your mouth to speak, you heard the familiar piano introduction of your ‘couple song’ as you two like to call it. Your head whipped around to the speaker in the corner of your room and Renjun took your hand and spun you around to look at him.

You and Renjun met outside of the Exo'luxion concert venue, before nct was very big, and 'out there.’ You we’re on your way up the doors when you dropped your purse; spilling almost everything inside, out onto the sidewalk. When you reached to pick up your lip balm (which was rolling away,) you brushed hands with larger, warmer one. You looked up the see who the hand belonged to, and you were met by boy with a small, sweet smile. He bent down as well after handing you the lip balm and started helping you with the remaining items on the ground. You thanked him as you two stood up and he handed you your ticket. You exchanged names and continued inside. Upon reaching you seat, you soon found out that you just so happened to be next to Renjun, the friendly boy that helped you moments before. As you two waited for the show to start, you got to know each other. Starting with your favourite song. Which, for both of you, happened to be Don’t Go. The rest is history.

You giggled as he moved your hands to his shoulders and his to your waist. He returned the giggle as you two began to sway back and forth, quietly singing the lyrics back to one another. He rested his forehead on yours and lightly pecked your nose.

This situation was not a rare occurrence, but it also wasn’t an everyday thing. You two would dance together often, to anything really. It’s usually fun and goofy dancing, but Don’t Go was special to the two of you. Of course, y'all are young and all, but you know that when if you two get married, it would definitely be your first dance. (OH SHIT I FEEL A SCENARIO COMING ON)

Here you two were, slow dancing in your bedroom, your homework and writing long forgotten. All you could think about was how happy you were. As the song drew to a close, you wrapped your arms around Renjun’s neck and hugged him. He did the same, wrapping his arms tightly around your waist, lifting you off the ground slightly. You laughed lightly and pulled back to look at his face. He had the most radiant smile, and so did you. He set you down as Take You Home (Baek’s station song) started playing. He held your hand as he starting singing along, walking over to the bag he set down by your bed. You followed, lacing your fingers with his. He reached into his bag as the pre chorus sounded. Turning around smoothly, holding a yellow flower out to you as the chorus began. You laughed out loud and took the flower from his grasp. You laughed again, at him, as he started dancing like in the actually music video. He laughed with you, moving to kiss your forehead as the song ended. He smiled down at you again.

“Junnie. That couldn’t have been planned.” you laughed, shaking your head slightly.

“Oh, it wasn’t. It was just perfect timing for that song to come on.”he said back. You looked down at the flower and then back up at him as he brushed your cheek with his thumb.

“… What are you thinking about?” he asked.

“ah… just, how much I love you” you said while playing with the leaves on the flower.

“ah jeez… i love you took, cutie.” he said as he engulfed you in a bear hug.

Music continued to flow through you speaker as you and Renjun sat back down in your bed. You laid your head on his chest as he wrapped his arm around your shoulder. Setting the flower on your bedside table, you sighed and reached for your laptop. Renjun sighed as well before stroking your hair.

“any ideas for writing?” he asked as he watched you type in your password.

“… nope. Still nothing.” you whispered.

He chuckled and kissed the top of your head.

“We’ll think of something” he whispered into the top of your head before shutting your laptop and lying down on your bed. Hugging you closer to him, despite your protests about having to do homework, he shushed you and shut his eyes.

“We can think later, for now, let’s take a nap.” he said, shutting his eyes and snuggling closer to you. You playfully rolled your eyes and got comfortable in your boyfriends arms before closing your eyes as well. You may have a lot to do, but this is the perfect break.

A/N: ALRIGHT SO, THAT HAPPENED. I’m so sorry that this was kind of all over the place, but I actually did start writing this when I did have writers block, and my brain kind of expolded with ideas mid way through… also, all of that work I listed in the beginning is actual homework I have, OOPS. It’s late now anyways, so I just have to cram tomorrow. Bad choices but oh well, better now than later I guess.

I hope you enjoyed this, I had a lot of fun writing it because it broke my writers block, again, sorry for the messiness! Send in requests if you want because that would also really help with the writers block! and i’m sorry for the picture quality, pictures haven’t been working for me the past while

~ Jae☾

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