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vileintcnt · 8 months

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rules & guidelines ;;

this is a pretty relaxed blog when it comes to rules, but there are a few boundaries i need to set for my comfort and yours as a rp partner! :) here are my terms:

NO DRAMAS!! // i have a busy life outside of tumblr and it’s dramatic enough as it is, i have no intent on having any issues with any of my partners on here and if someone is trying to start it they’ll be blocked

21+ // the mun is 21+ and all my muses will also be of that age, i will not roleplay with any muses under that age, nor any muns. this is a 21+ blog, period. minors, DO NOT INTERACT.

NO PERSONAL Q’S // honestly, i just come on here for an escape and an excuse to write. any creepy, forward or personal questions will be met with a block immediately.

DON’T HASSLE ME FOR ACTIVITY // this should be a given but for some reason in the rpc there are people who don’t understand the concept of personal space. like i said, my life outside of rp is busy and so there will definitely be times that my activity is spotty. sometimes, i will come on specifically to do only certain threads, other times, i will get all replies out. if we have a thread, you will get a reply, it just may not be right away. if i lose muse for our thread, i’ll contact you. :) don’t message me asking if i’m ignoring you because that just triggers my anxiety and will in turn just make me want to stop responding to you. if i’m rping, and not responding to your messages, my social battery is probably low and i’ll get back to you when i’m ready, dont pressure me!!

NO TW TAGS // this is a very smut heavy blog with mature and triggering themes present, because of how much there is, i won’t be tagging them, so read/plot at your own risk. if we have a thread together and a trigger has pushed a boundary then please let me know and i will be more than happy to revise my response, i want all my partners to feel comfortable!

DARK THEMES // similarly, i will not be tagging the dark themes that can be found on this blog. a lot of my muses are not good people! i don’t endorse their behavior, they’re just characters! some of them are murderers, stalkers, you may find dubcon on this blog in some cases, i repeat, do not endorse any of those behaviors.

BANNED FCS // i don’t really have any banned fc’s, i won’t rp with dead fcs, anime fcs, fcs that have expressed they don’t want to be used, criminals, the usual ig, but aside from that i’m pretty open. :)

OBVIOUSLY, DON’T GODMOD // should be self explanatory, but once again…this includes trying to pressure me into having my character respond a certain way to things or be interested in a kink that i haven’t given them. it’s my character, and i’m not about to change it and potentially lose muse for them because you want the fc but not the personality.

HARD NO KINKS/THREADS // kinks are usually pretty different depending on muse but absolutely with no exception will i be roleplaying, scat, pedophilia, age play that veers to pedophilia, noncon & incest. Dubcon is dependent on context and can be done very selectively. no foul if you roleplay these things, ( unless its pedophilia then stay away from my blog immediately ), they’re just really not for me.

GIFS // I won’t be using gifs as the threads get smuttier, this is just something I don’t feel comfortable with, I prefer to go gifless when i’m actively rping sex/sexual acts, i’m probably not going to budge on this, it just feels kinda icky to me!

&& TO END ON A GOOD NOTE, FEEL FREE TO MESSAGE ME! :) // i love starting new threads and plotting, don’t feel worried or anxious about approaching me because unless you’ve been rude or made me feel uncomfortable, 9 times out of 10 we’ll probably become besties. i love love love being sent canons and asks/memes and tagging me in things is so fun to me so even if we have only spoke once but we have a thread together never be afraid to hmu with that stuff.

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hyunincr · 10 months

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i hate school ♫

im at my “summer vacation” (here in brazil its not even summer btw) and i spent my whole vacation trying to became a better person, and change some behaviors in my personality that i dont like. i focused on myself and im really proud for that, i have been taking care of myself !

cw :: vent post

but yesterday i started to became anxious abt the first day in school (it’ll be next week), i remembered certain arguments that i had with some teachers and i was so embarrassed that i couldn’t sleep.

im really worried about reproving, im in the last year and i just want to be free of high school, i really dont want to make this year again. i suck in every subject in school, im always with bad grades, and my friends, family and teachers think that i simply choose to be like that. they think that having bad grades is an option…

last year i tried to focus A LOT on studying, and i still had bad grades. i was giving my best at that, and was really frustrating. i think that im so bad at this bcs i have adhd, but it’s not a plausible excuse. people don’t understand that, that i dont learn like the other people in class, and that im making my BEST every day.

the week after the vacation, the chemistry teacher #1 caught me on my phone, and he spent the next 1 hour dropping hints to me and talking that he would take off class the people that was on phone. and he has this obsession over calling me out. like leave me alone im not a horrible person bcs i committed a mistake one time.

and in the same week, but a few days later, the chemistry teacher #2 (we has different teachers to organic and inorganic chemistry) shouted at me and my friend bcs we are talking too loud. first that we aren’t the only ones chatting in the class, we count like more 3 groups talking too. but why he scolded us and not the others too ??? i was so sad bcs he was screaming and swearing at too 17yo girls just bcs they’re talking like ??????? it was so agressive and i was so uncomfortable. the kids that dont like me started laughing, and i was so sad :( he could have corrected us in a calmer way, i wouldn’t complain bcs he would be right, but screaming ? and swearing ?

but anyways, im so anxious to come back :( everyday its a fight to me, bcs its exhausting to be in a classroom when no one likes me and the teachers also dont like me. i usually just start to draw on my notebook, but the teachers say that im not paying attention to their subject. but its really heavy, i need to draw to clean my head a bit and distract to continue without having a burnout. their exam its like 10 questions (5 for side a, 5 for side b) but with 6 topics to study (each side) its even possible to study 12 topics, i cant even study one properly :(

its so heavy, and i just cant handle. im having 3 in EVERY subject (0 min. 10 max.). my self esteem isnt affected by this (i know that school’s not for me and its ok, im smart at other things) but i really care abt other people talk abt me and my grades. and sometimes it’s tiring to handle at my family’s reaction :/

but i’ll try to focus on myself again and not worry abt this until the comeback day.

#i hate school #diary #online diary #diary entry #journal #rant #vent blog #vent post

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antiloreolympus · 3 years

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8 Anti LO Asks

1. It doesn’t really make sense for a long term comic such as LO to have such a drastic change in the artstyle, and even more you can’t really call it an improvement when all the interesting parts of the art style are now gone and all that it is now it’s just some basic same-face and body art style with barely any backgrounds. RS is incredibly talented for illustrative artwork and it’s really a shame she’s not doing that anymore and instead has left it to her team, with leaving them very messy sketches. The artstyle in the beginning had life and glamour and now it’s just very dull and boring. That’s not an improvement

2. I genuinely can’t think of any man in LO that’s even half way decent. Poseidon maybe? Hephaestus? Those are the only two I can manage, meanwhile the rest are either Rachel purposely ruining them because of her own biases (Zeus, Apollo, Thanatos to an extent) or are “good” men who are just creeps who disrespect all the women around them and are super creepy and obsessed over a literal teenager who acts like a child (Hades, Ares, Hermee, Eros, etc). The women aren’t much better either.

3. About Perse making Hades childish: (this is no way defending him, just some speculation, and tbh I doubt that RS has thought this through haha) I wonder if he becomes a horny teenager around her because she’s a goddess of fertility? Would that have any affect on him? Doesn’t excuse his creepy ass behavior, but could explain it a bit, I guess?

4. Okay so I'll be honest I dont really see any reason to 'simp' over Any of the LO characters?

Also, not to start sh*t, but - I think part of the reason why some of the LO fandom does not like Zeus (and perhaps gives Hera more leeway - at least in terms of cheating) is because:

Mythologically Zeus is a known cheater / rapist (Io for example, or Semele)

They see Hera cheating a Zeus as okay (its not) because he's been known to cheat on her in the past / fans see Hera cheating on Zeus with Hades as 'justified revenge' for what he's (Zeus) put her through

I'll be honest I dont really see Zeus (or Hades for that matter) as good rulers because

Despite other deities (like Eros) doing 'acts of wrath' - they get away with it because they often have someone to back them up (like Aphrodite offering to sleep with Zeus to get her son out of trouble) - but the one time Persephone does something wrong (an act of wrath) - Zeus wants to give her the Prometheus treatment - mainly so he can feel like an in control king whos subjects respect him

The reason this sound so odd is because of RS writing choices. Zeus is a grade A d*ck who is willing to destroy a 'young girls promising career' because she made 1 mistake that one time. But at the same time the act of wrath is framed oddly because Demeter doesn't want her daughter to get in trouble so she covers it up (its like the equivalent of hiding a murder from the cops).

Zeus wanting to Prometheus Kore seems overly harsh because she is a Child. (Well a teenager) - so it adds to the "Zeus is a d*ck" card, because she doesnt have the life experience to "get away with" stuff like the other deities because she is young AND sheltered.

Like again, the whole concept of Human Laws applying to Gods is so confusing:

Would Zeus have been this harsh if Demeter had simply come forward in the first place about Persephone's murder rampage? Why did she blackmail / get other deities involved to cover it up? Is Zeus THAT much of a d*ck in Demeters eyes that she knows he would harshly punish a child for something "she didnt mean to do" (killed mortals based on a feeling?)

Why is there a motherf*cking trial in the first place? Do All the other deities get the right to a fair trial or is this a special case? (Like can any deity just offer to sleep with Zeus and he'll let them off the hook?). If the other deities had commited the same crime would the trial / punishment be the same or does Zeus just have a rage boner because he was lied to? If thats the case then why are the other deities taking Persephones side during the trial? (Ares I can maybe understand cause hes the God of War and stuff but everyone else is taking Perse's side because their either her personal friend or family member (Hecate, Hermes, Demeter, Hades etc).

Why are there certain laws like "Zeus cant get to Persephone because she has clemency in the underworld" but other deities - including Leto, Demeter and others (like Perse's nymph family) can just stroll into Hades house? Why is Hermes still on house arrest? Why are Hades + Persephone throwing a house party when shes on trial for scythe crimes??!!!

Why are the gods bound by such petty squabbles?

The way RS set up the governing "laws" in universe just doesnt make a whole lotta sense. Also, sorry this got ramblely.

5. Tbh i don’t think that Hades acting differently when he’s with Persephone is a bad thing, as a concept. But there are many issues with this such as the fact that Persephone is barely legal and Hades act like an actual child around her. Obviously when you’re with someone they are going to act different than they do when they are at work. The problem is that Hades essentially goes from the “cold-scary king” to a 17 year old hormonal boy when he’s with Persephone. And him making out with her in a middle of a store or them golfing with diamonds or him making out with Persephone again in front of his workplace is not exactly acceptable behaviour from a king. If Hades acts all lovey-dovey with Persephone when their at their home together it’s different, but when they’re at a public place they can’t really do that. I would say that he has to keep a status about him but from what we’ve seen all the citizens of the underworld hate him and don’t respect him at all, from yelling at him to actually fighting with him, so idk how much status there is actually attached to him

6. I swear, the majority of the “cute” HxP moments in LO just seem like a single father dealing with his hyperactive 8 year old over the supposed future intimidating rulers who Rachel is obsessed about talking and drawing their sex life. Is it really that hard to depict Persephone even acting like a smart teenager at the very least, as opposed to an airhead grade schooler? It doesn’t scream cute to me, it seems more like a father/daughter relationship. It’s just weird.

7. i mean, i have a LO oc who's persephone's brother (fertility god) between demeter and zeus. dude got thrown into tartyrus to cover up the affair and now serves cronus. he was the god of summer, and my reasoning was demeter's seasons/harvest + summer thunderstorms. wrote a whole minific i will never post about him and persephone realizing everyone around them are assholes and healing together. so the mistress-of-zeus oc isnt that weird.

8. I’m not a Zeus stan by any means, but I do find him one of the most interesting characters, and one that RS has, in her attempts to make him be the worst ever to make Hades look better, actually way more interesting and compelling than the majority of the cast. He doesn’t lie or whine to the audience he’s some good person like Hades when he’s not, he owns that he’s a dick and doesn’t bullshit the audience into thinking he’s someone he’s not. RS tries to show us he’s a “bad” king, yet we see no proof it beyond what, he wants to uphold the law P broke and doesnt kiss Hades’ butt? That’s not a bad king, it’s a good one that he doesn’t let family ties or lust cloud his judgement, unlike Hades or Hera, for example. I don’t condone his cheating either, but it’s not fair to hate him for it, but love it that Hades cheated on Minthe so he could get into a teenager’s skirt and praise Hera for sleeping with her brother in law while punishing Zeus’ mistresses because she’s being a fake “loyal” wife. Just because he’s a deeply flawed, even a bad person doesn’t make him a bad character. Hades and Hera and even Persephone are awful people who do worse than Zeus, yet they’re loved and praised for it, all while being written with the depth of a puddle.

#anti lo #anti lore olympus #lore olympus critical #lo critical

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spockandawe · 3 years

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First of all thank you for your edit in mtl finale and extras chapters of thousand autumns....I see your blog talk alot about mxtx works and faraway wanderer (love your blog, btw)....can I ask about qian qiu? Who are your favorite characters in qian qiu? And what do like about shen qiao and yan wushi relationship? Thanks again.....

No problem at all!! I was having such a lovely time with that book and was heartbroken to see that translation gap at the end. I wasn't sure anyone would be interested in an mtl edit, and it's been delightful to see how happy it's made some folks! Someday I'll have to go through a side by side reading with a real translation and see how good my instincts were, haha

Oh man, this book...... Okay, to start, by far, my faves are Yan Wushi and Shen Qiao. They're both very strong Archetypes, but executed in a really lovely compelling way. My least favorite part of the book is honestly the overwhelming number of side characters, and if I hadn't enjoyed both leads so much, I would have absolutely stalled out. It's not a problem with the author, because i love the peerless/wushuang side cast, but something about this book... Some of the side characters were decent, like Bai Rong and the kids, but the two leads were what kept me going.

Shen Qiao is less My Type, and I'm not even sure how to explain why I like him so much. He's not UNlike Xie Lian, but even if they have similar temperaments, they have different priorities. At first I dont think I cared about him too-too much, and i worried he would just be a passive sexy doormat, because that is a character type you sometimes run into in the genre, but THAT actually echoes how i initially responded to Cui Buqu in Peerless, where the author baited and switched me HARD on what a character was all about. And i love it!

When he thwarted Yu Shengyan's assassination road trip adventure, even blind and amnesiac, that got my attention, but i dont think I REALLY got into him until he stone-cold killed a man. It's a really interesting balance of values going on with him, where he works so, so hard to be kind, in the face of an overtly cruel world, where he is FREQUENTLY hurt by his own determination to be kind, and.... where he still has his limits, which people can cross, and where he WILL respond as one of the top martial artists in the world. I just think he's Neat, especially in contrast to.......

YAN WUSHI! the clown love of my life! (I kid, feng xiao is my actual favorite clown man, but yan wushi sure is a hell of a contender). He's so INTERESTING. Especially in the early parts of the book, he very much is NOT kind, though he sometimes does kind acts for what are... usually cruel reasons. Saving Shen Qiao to see if he can corrupt Shen Qiao, things like that. It's an archetype i don't mind, but one I would get bored with if it was static over the course of a whole book. But also..... it's an archetype that is hard to believably develop past, especially when he isn't our main pov and our characters sometimes spend extended periods apart.

I desperately wish we had any more or his backstory, especially from his childhood, and what made him change his name, and what made him pick THIS name, where (i think) 'wushi' uses the characters for 'without a teacher'. I absolutely LIVE for his story about how a man tried and tried to polish a stone into a gem, until he had to finally admit that a stone was a stone, and he liked that stone better than any gem he'd ever seen. And especially........ I live for the way that by the time he tries to tell that story, Shen Qiao is absolutely DONE with his bullshit and is barely listening to what he says and parses exactly 0% of his intended meaning XD

Yan Wushi is perhaps the most self-sabotaging lead I've ever read in a novel. It's WILD. And to a certain extent, it smells like trauma, though the book never confirms anything, and Yan Wushi never tries to make excuses for his own shitty behavior. I would like him a lot less if he did, honestly. He spends a LOT of time acting in inexcusable ways, and only very gradually starts to realize 'wait, shit, i shouldn't'a done that'. And even then, when he knows what he WANTS, he still criticizes Shen Qiao for being willing to forgive him for his past actions. Shen Qiao rides a very fine line between being a reasonable character and being a caricature of a martyr, and Yan Wushi is one of the only characters who's willing to really dig into that.

And as he does so, he's very upfront about how HE is one of the people who's taken advantage of Shen Qiao too. It gives a very interesting flavor to the way his feelings grow. He says he's not sorry, and he never performs remorse or asks for forgiveness, and that.... I wouldn't necessarily say that he doesn't have any regrets, but the way he presents himself to Shen Qiao is brutally unforgiving, in a really interesting way that I haven't seen elsewhere.

(And once he starts being a little more kind and courting shen qiao more seriously....... what a fucking clown man playing clown games. When he did a deliberately shoddy cover-up of a fake medical emergency to try to trick shen qiao out of leaving. I just. I mcfucking lost it)

(Also the traumatic brain injury adventure. Also Yan Wushi being bitterly jealous of himself. The clownery is CHOICE)

And. I can't leave without saying a quick word for my two good boys who aren't actually good at all. Bian Yanmei, Yan Wushi's oldest disciple.... I love him. Why? We just don't know. But he's a good, polite boy, i swear, and there's something so charming about him (yu shengyan is also a good boy). And then there's Yu Ai. This. This is my type. This is a boy who's made a terrible choice that poisoned everything he cared most about, where he didn't realize how much he was ruining as he did it, only realized the consequences of his actions after it was all said and done. No matter how bitterly regretful he is, it can't be undone, and all he can do is press on along the path he's chosen, torn between the awareness that if he turns back now, he'll have sacrificed everything for nothing, but also the desperate desire to salvage something of what he once cherished. He showed up, and i was like 'oh no, you're going to make me hurt.' Sure enough, i cried. Yu Ai is so much my jam that it hurts. I can't even handle him.

#thousand autumns #yanshen #yan wushi #shen qiao #yu ai #spock replies

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heyitsyn · 4 years

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Oh God

TimeTraveler!Son x Haikyuu!! Part 2

a/n: hehe i wouldnt put ‘x haikyuu’ if manager y/n ends up with that certain character. youll just have to,,,, wait for the end 😏

he didnt want to lie but he had to so he could survive

hinata offered his hand to help him up and natsu winced at the scratches and the slight headache as he stood on his two feet

‘you okay?’

hinata asked and natsu nodded

‘yea, just a headache’

natsu tried to play it off as cooly as he could bc this must’ve been from the car hit before and he couldnt just say he got ran over by a damn car

‘where do you live? i can go and treat your wounds there’

natsu was about to respond but he remembers hes not in tokyo anymore and he cant just spout out his address

so he did the thing his mom told him to do whenever it was necessary

he lied

‘i-um,,,’

he fumbled for an excuse but he sighed to maintain the act

‘i got kicked out’

he mumbled and hinata had to make him repeat it twice because he said it so quietly

the tangerine boy gasped and held his arms

‘what?! why?!’

natsu sniffled

‘my dad,,,, he just,,, doesnt want me’

well, that was actually true

so a true statement could equal that lie, right?

thankfully, hinata bought it and he grabbed his arm to walk forward while his other was pushing his bike

‘i hit you with my bike so the least i could do is take you to my house and treat you!’

and that was what they did

natsu’s phone was dead even though he was sure he charged it from denki’s powerbank during practice but it remained its black screen no matter how many times he hit the power button

his surroundings was also something unfamiliar

his mother only kept him in tokyo and never took him to go visit her family because she was kicked out and had to go live with her auntie when she found out about him and his father refused to help her

‘so, sendai, huh?’

he mumbled and hinata looked at him confused

‘sounds like youre not from around here. where you from?’

‘t-tokyo’

he replied and saw hinata’s eyes brighten

‘oh?! you look like youre my age so you must have been in a high school in tokyo, right? what school?’

‘yuuei’

‘hah?! yuuei?! what is that?!’

natsu rolled his eyes and shrugged

‘a school’

hinata persisted though

‘do you know other schools?! any other school friends?! like nekoma?! or fukurodani?!’

natsu shook his head and he was supposed to be happy that he got to meet, even talk, to his idol yet his younger self was much more hyper than his mellowed out behavior on tv

‘i stick to my friends from yuuei’

‘but what are you doing all the way here?’

natsu’s throat dried up and he watched his feet kick the pebbles to distract him of his urge to just whine and throw a tantrum with the confusion from this mess

‘i dont know’

he choked out and he was so tired and confused and all he wants to do is cry in his mother’s arms like he used to but she doesnt even know he exists

hinata sensed the tension and sadness from the boy beside him and tried his best to stay quiet until they get home

to say his mom was angry was an understatement

‘SHOYO, DONT YOU KNOW TO WATCH WHERE YOURE GOING?!’

‘kaa-san i was so angry and bakageyama was yelling at me and hit me and-’

‘THAT DOESNT GIVE YOU AN EXCUSE TO RUN SOMEONE OVER!’

natsu sat there on their couch awkwardly watching the black-haired woman yell at the human tangerine

he coughed in impulse and she turned away from her son and went to sit next to the h/c boy

‘dear, im so sorry for my son and his terrible biking. i didnt catch your name when you entered, what is it?’

even hinata forgot to ask his name but thats such a hinata thing to do though

natsu froze

if he was to say his mother’s last name, it would raise suspicion that he might know her in this time period and izuku has shown him enough doctor who to show him what happens when he messes up in time

again, he lied

‘kiri,,,shima,,, natsu. kirishima natsu’

he inwardly apologized to eijirou for using his last name

mrs. hinata raised a hand to her mouth with a surprised gasp

‘oh! my daughter’s name is also natsu! natsu, dear! can you come here for a second?’

natsu heard soft sounds from the stairs and she shyly walked down

‘come say hi’

she softly urged her daughter to come closer and the little girl ran to hide behind her older brother who gently smiled and held her hand

‘well, thats her. she just turned 10 a few days ago. look dear, kirishima-kun has the same name as you!’

she waved slightly and natsu felt his heart swell at the sight of the adorable little girl

his mother never really had time for relationships so he was an only child and never got to experience a sibling, only hearing the experience of having siblings from his friend, shouto

mrs. hinata placed a gentle hand on his arm to revert his attention back to her

‘shoyo told me what happened and im sorry that this is all happening to you’

he felt guilty at the sight of her sad eyes because this was all a lie but he knew if he told them the real reason, they wouldnt believe him

so he had to continue with the lie

‘everything was falling apart and i wanted to leave everything behind. so i just took the shinkansen to nowhere and ended up here’

mrs. hinata felt her heart tug because he was just a little boy and he was too young to experience this so she offered him something he shouldnt have agreed to but again, survival

‘you can stay with us in the mean time. our guest room has been collecting dust so you can live here’

‘what? no! i can’t!’

natsu instinctually turned it down because he hated people giving him charity

but the woman squeezed his arm to give him a smile

‘i will not allow a child to live in the streets because of something he couldnt help’

‘arent you worried youre inviting a total stranger in your home?’

but she gave him a knowing smile

‘im a mother. i can trust you, boy’

in exchange for board and food, he promised to get a part time job so he could pay her back and get out of their house as quickly as he could

shoyo led him to the bathroom upstairs so he could treat the wounds from the ground

natsu sat on the closed toilet seat while his literal idol was putting cream on his boo-boos

he still cant wrap his head with everything

maybe it was because he was so busy trying to come up with lies that he wasnt able to fully sit down and think about the fact that he just TRAVELED BACK IN TIME and could accidentally change it

‘shoyo, what year is it?’

he mumbled

‘2012′

he answered and natsu sighed but his head perked up

oh god

2012

thats a year away from 2013

the year he was born

that meant shoyo’s team manager was going to give birth to him next year

‘why? did you hit your head so far that you forgot?’

hinata joked but he paled when natsu didnt laugh

‘OH GOD DID YOU?!’

‘NO! AND STOP YELLING!’

natsu shouted, equally surprised

‘whew, thank god. again, im so sorry i hit you’

‘shoyo, dont worry about it, okay? im fine, i swear’

during dinner, mrs. hinata told him about his school situation

‘you can go to karasuno with shoyo. what year were you in?’

‘first’

‘perfect! shoyo is too so he could easily help you around the school!’

natsu nodded quietly, still out of it and his brain finally starting to accept this impossible reality

‘but i dont think i could help you with the entrance exams. im not the most-um-smartest, per se’

shoyo apologized but natsu already knew that

he was no extreme fanatic but he knew quite a lot about hinata shoyo, the player he watched during the 2021 olympics and the reason he started playing volleyball

natsu dreamed to join the msby jackals just like his idol did and eventually reach the national team like hinata did

it was during the olympics of 2021, he knew he wanted to be like him

this boy who sat next to him was the reason he came to love volleyball along with his other idol, oikawa tooru, from the argentina volleyball team after seeing that legendary match

when oikawa hit that service ace, natsu wanted to be able to receive that

he was merely 8 and his neighbor, midoriya inko, was babysitting him and she placed him and her son who was his friend, izuku, in front of the tv where they watched the olympics match

‘someday, ill be someone great. ill be great like him’

he promised and from then on, he worked to achieve that goal

‘natsu? hello?’

he was shaken from his thoughts as shoyo nudged him back to reality

mrs. hinata laughed

‘maybe you should head to bed early, dear. you must be tired after having a hard journey’

he nodded and was about to go and wash his dishes when she stopped him

‘no. go and sleep, ill take care of this’

‘i have to do my part in here, hinata-san. please, let me do this’

she finally agreed and he was scrubbing the plates when his mind wandered over to possible solutions on how he could go back

there was an episode that he watched with izuku that the character had to do something to go back

and he had a feeling that he would have to do the same thing

but what would that something be?

there had to be a reason he was thrown all the way in this time and it couldnt just be a coincidence that supposedly, this would be around the same time his mother would get pregnant

but who would it be?

he finished putting the plates on the drying rack and he felt really thirsty suddenly

opening the fridge, he found no water bottles and natsu had a very sensitive stomach so he couldnt drink tap water

his next favorite beverage was there and he pulled a glass from the cabinet

‘hinata-san, is it okay if i can have some milk?’

he called out and she shouted that it was okay

natsu poured the drink on his glass and started drinking it when hinata entered the kitchen and snickered at him

‘yknow, you remind me of my idiot teammate. none of my other friends drink straight milk except for him’

natsu placed the glass down and wiped his lips

‘chocolate milk make me sick and i hate the taste of flavoring in milk. but i just hate flavoring in general. except for gari gari popsicles, those are good’

natsu reasoned, watching hinata move across the room to get an apple

‘still ew. but come on! lets go to bed so i can show you around school early before practice tomorrow!’

natsu noticed his excitement by the way he bounced in place and he chuckled

it reminded him of his friends mina and denki

hinata led them both to his room so he could check his wounds again just to make sure

then something caught his eye

‘kirishima-kun you like volleyball?!’

that threw him off

partly because he wasnt used to being called by his friend’s last name

but also because of the question

‘huh? how do you know that?’

natsu asked, almost defensively

hinata shrugged

‘i saw your volleyball shoes in your bag’

hinata reasoned and excitedly pointed at them

‘you should play for us! im part of the team too! oh oh! what position do you play?!’

‘l-libero’

natsu stuttered out, slightly overwhelmed by hinata’s energy

hinata started circling him, inspecting his height and looking at him up and down

‘yanno, kirishima-kun, youre really tall. like much taller than the rest of my club. maybe not saltyshima but really!! youre so tall!!’

hinata whined in envy and natsu laughed

‘blame it on the paternal side of the family. my ma isnt really tall’

he laughs but then memories of his mother resurfaced and he suddenly felt gloomy, guilty, even, bc he doesnt know if time stopped there or it kept going and if so, shes probably worried sick

and he knew she was always one who blamed herself

hinata noticed his downcast expression and thought he probably remembers his dad and got sad since he got kicked out

so our baby sunshine freaked out and he frantically waved his hands around

‘oh no! gomen kiri-kun! gomen! i really didnt mean to make you think about him! gomen!!!’

he even bowed which surprised the h/c boy and made him stand back up

‘o-oi shoyo! dont! you didnt because i wasnt thinking about him!’

he fussed and patted hinata’s hair

‘i dont care about him. to be honest, there isnt much to think about’

he didnt think about what he said until he heard himself

natsu’s eyes widened, fearful of how hinata could take it but he flinched when the orange-haired boy’s eyes were filled with his own tears

‘OH NO!! KIRI-KUN!!!’

then launched another series of apologies and natsu had to calm him down

oh dear

it was early in the morning like 5 when hinata bursted into natsu’s room

the loud shout of shoyo made his eyes blink open and he groaned before turning to the side

‘come on, kiri-kun! we need to go to take your exam!’

‘nooooooooo’

‘yeeessssssss’

it was quite a battle for hinata to even just get natsu out of bed but he managed to bribe the latter with some milk bread from the bakery down the street

‘2′

natsu showed his two fingers and hinata sighed before nodding

‘yes. now go hurry so we can leave!’

dressed in his grey sweatpants and a yuuei sweatshirt, natsu cursed as he only has clothes good for 2 days and he didnt want to bother the hinatas so he was at a loss

mrs hinata bid the two boys good bye and natsu was yawning and dragging his body to walk while hinata was skipping over to his bike

then he finally realized the problem

he nervously looked at natsu and the taller boy didnt understand why he was looking at him that way

‘what?’

shoyo pointed at the bike and awkwardly smiled

‘uh,,, you see,,, i dont think youd,,, fit,,, at the back seat’

natsu shrugged

‘then ill bike. ive done it before’

he sauntered over to the bike and swiftly lifted his leg before testing out the brake handles

‘its good and better than mine back home’

‘a-are you-’

‘sit down, sho’

hinata gripped on to the back of natsu’s sweatshirt as he told him the directions to how to get to the school

natsu remembered watching an interview of hinata talking about his high-school life and he remembered the star player talking about his dedication to go to karasuno everyday for volleyball

and the boy couldn’t believe hes doing that right now, with his idol literally behind him, and driving to the legendary karasuno high school

from the jackals to the adlers and even some other teams like the frogs, natsu cheered for them

there was a memory of his mother sitting with him on their couch during one of her rare day offs as they rewatched the recorded copy of the olympics

it has become natsu’s favorite thing to watch

‘with great talent comes great hardships. people don’t become good overnight and i watched those people suffer through it all but look where they are now’

‘KIRISHIMA, WATCH OUT! COWS CROSSING!’

natsu was snapped out of his thoughts at hinata’s shout

then it morphed into pure and utter confusion

‘cows?’

shoyo laughed

‘since youre from the city, this must be a weird sight for you, huh? well, in the countryside, this happens a lot!’

but natsu didnt mind

in fact, he loved cows

he loved any farm animal in general

maybe it was his upbringing in the hustle and bustle of the city that he grew to love the countryside

shoto took him with his family to a trip to the country once and he remembered loving the smell of grass

they were able to do an activity in a farm where they worked in a rice farm and the peace and serenity was something he will always remember

his mother was lucky she grew up in a place like this

‘kiri-kun, ive been wanting to ask, how is your volleyball team in the city? are you a powerhouse?’

natsu felt pride bubble up in his chest

‘of course! we got second place in nationals!’

he boasted and blurted out before he could stop himself

then he felt fear

he shouldnt have said that because for all he knows, yuuei probably doesn’t exist at this time period

hinata had a different reaction and his eyes shone

‘WHAT?! WOAH! SO COOL! I HAVE TO TELL OUR CAPTAIN THAT WE’RE GETTING A POWERHOUSE STUDENT!’

‘uh-i-uh-’

natsu didnt know what to say because he had a feeling he definitely just did an oopsie

so he switched topics really quick to divert the attention away from his past

‘o-oi sho, once youre done being a pro volleyball player and stuff, we should have our own rice farm’

of course it was such a random idea but it distracted the orange boy

hinata shrugged

‘i mean,,, i have to be a pro first but i guess we can!’

‘hmm,,,, i dont think you have to worry about that’

.................................................

taglist:

@hartbeat-art @yakus-yakult @nerdyphantomlady @jollycowboysaladhero @cynicallychaotic

a/n: oh god this sat in my drafts for so long and i really dont know what im doing like i kinda have a rough outline of what im doing but im just going with the flow but i dont think the flow is quite flowy

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beanst0ck · 4 years

Text

my friend wanted the tsukishima version of this so i had to do it 🥴

pairing: tsukishima x reader

word count: 1438

cross posted on my wattpad

Kissing His Best Friend [[Tiktok Challenge]]

- the gentle wind ruffled the trees and bushes surrounding the high school of crows

- while the air outside seemed cool and fresh, the air inside the gym was hot and stuffy

- the boy’s volleyball team was practicing extra hard especially two certain first years

- halfway during practice the third years got called out of the gym by a teacher to discuss something about their grades, leaving the rest of the team to either continue practicing or take a break

- hinata and kageyama continued to practice hard while tsukki grabbed a water bottle and sat against a wall, waiting for the rest of the team to return

- out of the corner of his eye he spotted nishinoya and tanaka trying to do tiktok dances in sync and failing miserably

- tsukki knew about a lot of tiktok trends and dances thanks to his energetic teammates, but he didn’t spend most of his day mindlessly scrolling through the app

- he had things to do, like studying and watching his dinosaur documentaries, so he didn’t have time to waste doing silly tiktok trends

- snapping out of his thoughts he noticed he was in the camera’s frame and grimaced, trying to scoot away but his upperclassmen immediately noticed

- “tsukishima!! join us!!”

- “no.”

- nishinoya and tanaka pouted at their teammate’s salty behavior, but immediately brightened up noticing a certain someone walk through the gym doors

- “(y/n)!!”

- they ran past tsukki and opened their arms in hopes that they’d be able to trap you in the ultimate bear hug

- sadly for them, you dodged them just in time, leaving them to face plant onto the floor

- you slowly walked away from them and upon noticing your best friend you jogged over to him

- “tsukki!!”

- nishinoya and tanaka sniffled while patting each other’s back, knowing they’ll never be able to have you because your heart belonged to the salt shaker

- tsukishima greeted you and asked you why you were still at school even though school had already ended a few hours ago

- “the teachers wanted me to drop off papers to the captains of all the teams we have, all i need is daichi and i should be free to go!”

- “daichi isn’t here.”

- he had to hold back his laugh once he saw your reaction to the captain’s absence

- “i did not just walk across campus for daichi to not be here.”

- “hate to break it to you, but you did.”

- “tsukki! you’re supposed to be nice to me!! >:(“

- you smacked his arm and this time tsukishima couldn’t hold back a chuckle at your childish attitude

- nishinoya and tanaka’s ears perked at the sound of tsukishima’s chuckle

- they literally looked at each other like ‘ 👀 ‘

- yamaguchi, being the literal angel that he is, offers to show you where daichi is so you could deliver the packet of papers to him

- you literally go “really?🥺”

- tsukki definitely didn’t get salty, no sir he didn’t

- except that maybe he did-

- nishinoya and tanaka decide to set their unspoken plan into motion and cough to get the attention of the group

- “you know what tsukishima? why don’t you go with yamaguchi?”

- “but it’s not my job to deliver-“

- “dont disrespect your upperclassmen!! besides, (y/n)’s feet must be sore from walking around the whole day!”

- tsukki sighs, knowing that arguing with the two of them is literally impossible

- so he embarks on a mini adventure with yamaguchi to deliver some papers to daichi

- just when you’re about to tell nishinoya and tanaka that they didn’t have to do that and you were perfectly capable of delivering those papers yourself they turn to you with one of the biggest smiles you’ve ever seen

- “(y/n)! we have a plan!”

- “...ok?”

- so there you stood as nishinoya and tanaka explained their ‘ perfect plan ‘ on how you would get to kiss tsukishima

- “you’re the only one that tsukishima can tolerate enough to do this!!“

- “...you’re just using me for tiktok views aren’t you?”

- “...”

- “*sigh*”

- nonetheless you agreed because,,, who would pass up the opportunity to kiss tsukishima? exactly no one

- and if you said you would,,, no you wouldn’t stop lying to yourself

- if anything went wrong and your friendship nearly gets ruined you could blame it on nishinoya and tanaka

- so they start setting up the area

- tanaka tells hinata and kageyama to practice on the other side of the court, just incase one of kageyama’s sets goes astray and ends up hitting someone

- nishinoya and tanaka set up the phone and begin recording, not knowing when tsukishima would walk through the doors

- “what if he doesn’t catch me-“

- “don’t be so negative (y/n)!”

- you had many many doubts about this plan

- but you went along with it because you got an excuse to kiss tsukishima

- soon you heard footsteps from outside the window and signaled tanaka and nishinoya

- they gave you a thumbs up, wishing you luck and hoping that their plan wouldn’t fail because if it did you would most likely stop talking to them

- as soon as the doors opened yamaguchi and tsukishima stepped inside, now was your moment!

- “tsukki! catch me!!”

- tsukishima turned his head to the sound of your voice, his mind not registering the words you said when he saw you quickly running towards him

- when you jumped he instinctively held out his arms and caught you, almost stumbling backwards from the force

- your legs were wrapped around his waist and your hands were on his shoulders as you let out excited giggles, happy that he actually caught you

- “idiot, why’d you do that? what if i didn’t catch yo-“

- without thinking you grabbed his head and smashed your lips against his

- tsukishima, still not processing that you jumped for him to catch you, also could not process that you were kissing him

- taking his lack of response as a ‘im not kissing you back’ you slowly pulled your lips away but didn’t get the chance to as tsukishima placed his hand behind your head to kiss you back

- mind you, tsukishima was still carrying you, just with one arm bc he’s strong 🥴

- nishinoya and tanaka were hyping you up with tears in their eyes from sadness or happiness is up to you to decide

- yamaguchi was secretly recording because he wanted to have his own video proof that he was there to witness the moment

- even hinata and kageyama got distracted mid set-

- oh no

- o h n o

- hinata and kageyama got distracted mid set

- hinata was so focused on the scene that his hand unconsciously followed his eyes and he accidentally sent the ball flying towards the two of you

- just as the two of you pulled away from the kiss tsukki noticed the ball flying towards the two of you and turned his body around so it wouldn’t hit you

- instead of the ball hitting your head it ended up hitting his

- the gym remained quiet as tsukishima rubbed the back of his head in an attempt to soothe the pain of the spike

- hinata was absolutely distraught, knowing he was about to suffer the wrath of the angry salt shaker

- “tsukki!! are you ok??”

- you were quick to gently grab his head and rub the back of it, occasionally rubbing your hands through his hair in an attempt to distract him from the pain

- suddenly all the pain tsukishima felt was gone lMAO-

- tsukishima nodded and exited the gym with you

- he set you down outside and told you to wait while he went to go get his things

- all hinata got was a bonk on the head?? which was?? shocking??

- hinata mentally thanked you for soothing the salty monster’s wrath

- once tsukishima returned back to you he squatted down in front of you and you looked at him like ‘🤨’

- “what are you doing?”

- “don’t your feet hurt? hurry and hop on before i change my mind.”

- oh boY

- you were so quick to jump onto his back for a piggyback ride

- on the way home you asked tsukishima if he liked you and he literally sCOFFED

- “we kissed and you still doubt my feelings for you? do you need another one to clear your head?”

- i mean... you didn’t say no to that

- the next day nishinoya and tanaka show you the video they took

- people were fawning over how fast tsukishima was to turn his body so you wouldn’t get hurt

- tsukishima acted like he didn’t like the attention but this little shit was eating it up

- if you wanted to do more tiktoks with him involving kissing he was not going to deny you

haikyuu mlist

#haikyuu #haikyū!!#haikyuu!!#haikyuu tsukishima #hq tsukki #tsukishima x you #tsukishima imagine #tsukishima is soft for the reader #tsukishima kei #hq tsukishima #tsukishima x reader #haikyuu writers #haikyuu writing #haikyuu oneshot #bean writes

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trashcatsnark · 3 years

Note

Your recent posts about Cyberpunk are everything to me! It is such a pleasure when I see you answered a new question. I actually keep checking the tag to see if there is something new from you.

So if that is okay with you I would like a ask you one because I would love to have your opinion on the matter. How do you think Johnny pre ending would react to realizing V is developing feelings for him, despite their doomed future (even though everything turns out to be great with V living and Johnny having a body because that is the only canon ending that matters)?

AHHHHH THANK YOU SO MUCH YOU’RE MAKING ME BLUSH, AHHH IM GLAD YOU’RE ENJOYING THE POSTS (I was a little worried I’ve been flooding tags and annoying people, so that’s really reassuring)

Spoilers as always!

Okay, so I thought about this for a long while and was mostly torn between two camps of thought, because I also think Johnny would be torn between his thoughts. Johnny himself can be very reckless and has thoughts, beliefs, that contradict with his own behavior. He can go from beating V up, to chatting to them in a diner, to trying to use them, to promising to die for them all within the span of a few weeks. He loved Alt but screamed that she was only a fuck to him. He loved Rogue, but cheated on her. Kerry was his best friend, but he was never above mistreating and manipulating him. He claims he wants to change the world to protect the people in it, but often shows no empathy or kindness for those very people. He preaches the value of change but allowed himself to stagnate. He promises to die for V, wants to save them, but when he has control he does stuff that could very well kill them (excessive drugs, alcohol, and the car crash he caused). Combine that with his newly developing desire to change and be a better person; he can be hard to really understand, even to himself.

So, what are these camps of thought for if he realized while still an engram that V unequivocally and unquestionably love him in a romantic way, despite the way he “knows” this will end.

Well, in another time and place, another Johnny. He’d probably use this as an excuse to get V in bed, then discredit their feelings because he can’t handle it then destroy the entire relationship. Because there has always and may always be a part of him that when people get too close, he wants to push them away. Don’t get through the walls, he only wants people to see a certain side and part of him, he can’t let them get too close. So, anytime he realizes someones starting to chip through those walls, he starts throwing the bricks at them. Hell, after clouds, if V states “yeah I get it, that’s how they killed you, I saw your memories” Johnny gets visibly uncomfortable and says “okay.... we’ll get back to that later” The idea that V, a stranger still practically at this time, knows his memories...knows him in this weirdly deep way, makes him so fucking uncomfortable.

Sidenote, kinda: this is something him and V (albeit V is typically less aggressive about it) have in common. Think of how few people know V’s real name or have been granted the right to call them by it. Think of how despite Jackie being their best friend, they still knew so little about him, he still wasn’t allowed to call them by their real name. They’re clearly upset when the doll says their name. Johnny and V are both people who have put wall after wall between themselves and everyone else. And now in a twist of fate, Johnny’s been shot like a cannonball through his own walls and V’s, so there’s now not a single wall between these two strangers and they both hate it until they dont.

Back to the point, there’s a part of Johnny that instinctively wants to seek a way to destroy it, to ruin all that he’s built with V because he’s terrified of crossing that final line, that one last barrier, of truly being who he wants to be and being with V in that way. He’s terrified of what it means, and he’s terrified that he won’t be enough, that he’s too fucked up and broken to deserve it, that there’s still something inside of him that V hasn’t seen and when they do they’ll leave him in the dust. And that aggro, selfish, scared bastard part of him screams at him to never let it get that far; tear it all down so it never happens.

But he is changing and doesn’t want to hurt V. So, he refuses to use them though that little voice tells him to take the most he’s comfortable taking (ie sex) then throw the rest away. He shuts that voice out, refuses to let himself do that to V, he’s done with that. Though a part of him feels guilty to even have that thought, how can he be such a bastard, maybe he’s not changing as much as V gives him credit for...

So, he may pull away (as much as he can) for a bit. Talk to V less, stay in their head more. Not because he necessarily wants to hurt or distance himself, but he needs time to think. He knows he feels the same way, but he’s scared of so many things. Hurting V, them realizing he’s too shitty of a guy to date, what happens after he’s gone? How will they feel, won’t that make it hurt worse?

But, if he loves them, and they love him. And this is all the time they have left, maybe they should just enjoy it.

So, maybe, he thinks, he should ignore it. Pretend he didn’t hear and move on as if nothing has changed. But, maybe, he also thinks he can’t, that he shouldn’t that denying them both something they clearly want will hurt more than losing it in the end.

Johnny has always been big on enjoying the good things while you can, those little moments where even he could find peace and happiness. It was after all something he got upset at Alt for “always gotta ruin it, always gotta shit on the moment dont you?”, even with his date with Rogue, he just wanted a nice night at the movies, a night to pretend all was the way it was before and to ignore reality for a night; but too much had changed.

And a part of him worries that it’s selfish too, he still isn’t quite certain of when he’s being a selfish bastard and when he isn’t. Maybe it’s wrong to want to take that time to just say fuck it; even if he’s gone in the next week, let it be the best week he could ever hope for. Squeeze as much love and time together into whatever they have left.

Ultimately, he realizes that’s what he wants, he wants to just say fuck it and let himself fucking enjoy whatever they can, whether its’ days, weeks, or hell maybe he can even get a full month before he gets wiped. But, what the fuck does V want? He knows what they feel, but not what they wanna do about it, and maybe that’s the more selfish thing...doing all this thinking and figuring without even asking V what they want.

So, he decides to stop spinning his fucking mental wheels and ask them. Tell them, he knows how they feel and if they want he’ll forget he ever found out, this conversation can end here. They can pretend those feelings don’t exist, Move on and continue as they always have; because at the end of this he will be wiped to save them. He will die for them, because he knows the chances of saving them both are slim and none, and slim died a while back. He made his promise and he meant it. He will do them no harm and he will die so they can live the ife they deserve. That is how this ends and it’s the only ending he’ll accept (so he thinks). So, knowing that and knowing what a rat bastard he was, maybe still is, knowing he can’t give much, hell he’s not sure he can give anything; do they still want more, they still want him in that way, do they truly still want to love and be loved by him knowing they’ll have to let him go and that that time ain’t too far off? Cause he knows what he wants.

#cyberpunk 2077 #cp2077 #johnny silverhand #silverv #thanks so much for the ask and sorry this is probably all over the place and incoherent but so is johnny #this also if of course maybe idealistic as far as him growing and would probably got to be a bit of time into it #because I think it'll take some time but its critical he really does learn that he can't make all the decisions #he can't always be the one setting the tone and deciding what it it's gonna be #a big thing for his development to me is learning to not only respect decisions and choices he may not agree with #and learning to actually communicate like an adult to ask and learn okay what is it that the person i love wants #Anonymous

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shyrose57 · 3 years

Note

2: At first? No. Ran was the first one who noticed when something was off but Ranbob brushed it off as him being tired. Though when he saw that his brother was still acting that way he kept checking in, til "Ranbob" eventually snapped at him one day, scaring and hurting Ran enough to get him to stop. His parents and Lias and Memi also noticed, but Lias and Memi didn't ask as often because Ran told them not too, and when Memi asked Ranbob gently told her its ok and to not worry. Lias was hesitant to accept this but eventually did, with Ranbob promising to tell him if something was wrong, a promise he sadly broke. Ranbob was close to his family, especially his younger siblings, and loved to play and study with them. He had a lot of friends at first that he played games with and joked around with. Though after he started to get out under more pressure and the introduction of Dream he got distant, lost all of his friends (even though he still cared for them), didn't play with Lias or Memi nearly as much, started skipping dinners and not talking to his parents or Ran. And when Dream was mostly and fully in control, he stopped talking at all, and ignored everyone. Lias desperately tried to get him to talk but that just resulted in a harsh stare with a silent promise, Memi tried to hug him, which he then pushed her away, and when Ran tried one last time to talk to him, but "Ranbob" just punched him and walked away. When his parents tried one very last time to intervene, that's when it got fatal. The Gladiators where horrified at what they read, finding it hard to believe and making them sick to their stomach. Benjamin caught them reading it, though he simply sadly smiled at them and said, "I read it too. Its horrible isn't it? He didn't deserve to go through that. But we'll help him. We'll help him be free and be himself again, I promise you, and everyone else. We'll save him." They felt like they where staring at a ghost, it was unnerving, to see such a happy and young Ranbob, knowing what will happen to him that will wipe him clean of all happiness. And it felt disrespectful when they caught sights of Ranya, Seth, Lias, and Memi. Cause they never knew them, and now they where looking into the such happy and gleeful eyes of dead people who don't know the torture their son and brother is going through. (And that went for everyone)

3: This is literally Ran's mentally when it comes to being stabbed, "I've been stabbed multiple times before and I haven't died. Therefor, I am immortal." Yes he is :). He gets threatened with Benjamin because if Benjamin finds out he isn't eating or sleeping Benjamin will force him to eat every bite of a full meal and force him to go to bed, sitting next to him and reading to him until he falls asleep. Which sounds nice, but considering Ranbob doesnt want to "bother" them, its a threat to him. Raq will always cause problems, he's a expert tracker and because of that he's able to hunt the groups down. He often will pop out of nowhere and attack the group, chasing them down until someone turns around and attacks him. Often Ran attacks him by looking Raq directly in his eyes, causing him to flee. Cause even though Raq wants to get Ran, he knows very well if they make eye contact he will lose a battle no matter what he does, so its best to run and attempt to blind him at a later point. Ran his very happy to be on the road again, and if Ranbob wasn't there (who's keeping Ran on edge and preventing him from fully enjoying the trip, though its mostly just Ran doing it to himself), he would be non-stop talking and running ahead of the group. But even with Ranbob there he's happy to finally be moving again.

4: The gladiators did not witness it first hand, rather they heard screaming and went to check it out, worried and alarmed. And when Ranbob went into the depressive state did Benjamin come over to them and explain what was going on and what was going to happen. When then Jackie offered to help keep Ranbob company while Grievous and Watson offered to go along with Cletus to find Ran. When they heard the scream Jackie was scared and nervous, Grievous was anxious and on edge, Watson was calm yet curious, and Ran was mad and on edge. And when they found out what happened, Jackie felt bad and sympathetic, Grievous felt sad and a bit guilty, Watson was sympathetic and felt bad for him, and Ran was pissed.

5: Isaac and Benjamin just kinda accepted it and went "Yes he is like a lost puppy and we love him for that.", Charles was embarrassed and instead of responding properly he muttered out an excuse and left, cause he was not expecting to be confronted with Ranbob being like a puppy at all and didn't know how to respond, and Cletus just stuck his tounge out and blew raspberries. And Ranbob was just purely embarrassed.

6: Actually first thing Ranbob got when he arrived to the fishermen house was wrapped up in multiple fluffy blankets and had a hot chocolate shoved in his hands. Also whenever he goes into a depressive episode or wants to go back the fishermen just bring out emergency blankets and quickly make either hot chocolate or tea and Ranbob loves it every single time.

7: Ranbob is mixed, he loves it being back as it reminds him of such good times, but it also doesn't feel right when Charles says it because Ran was the one who made it. It only sounds right when Ran says it. Ran is angry that Ranbob is letting someone else call him Bobby (which he is also sad about), but is also mad that he's mad that someone else is using it. But he's also happy its being used again, and is happy to see Ranbob still enjoys it. Grievous of course notices it, but doesnt look into it, and so does Watson but he also doesn't ask about it, determing it to be something the brothers themselves have to talk about.

8:Because if it was Porkius or literally anyone else, they wouldn't of helped and would've watched happily as the two fought, waiting until one fell and even encouraging the fight. But they also jumped into the area from the stands and Cletus specifically placed himself between the two, pushing Ran back and yelling at him (which rarely anyone does) when Benjamin then came up to try to calm the raging enderman down, while Charles checked on Ranbob, and Isaac kept look out for any sudden movements between the two so he could intercept the potential attack. Plus when Isaac saw the other group approaching he ran to meet them, asking if they knew Ran and when they said yes, quickly stating a plan to safely restrain Ran long enough until Ranbob was taken to safety. Then leaving Ran to the group, but also saying how he wanted to talk later.

10: Sounds like the certain town just may be the ruins of the Greater SMP. So I'll probably have Wilburs Decendent (which I dont currently have a name for, if anyone has one please feel free to suggest one!) As a popular performer there and also the towns historian, so when our groups get there Wilbur is able to provide information about Dream, Ranboo, basically everyone and the history of the SMP. Most likely going be a part of the story when Ran truly starts to slowly believe that his brother didn't meant to do everything he did.

11: Yep, he knows Ranboo used to have bad memory (not how bad it was, just that it was bad) but he's never read it because Mizu never had the actual book, it was only told in tales and stories that Mizu had. If that makes sense. Ranbob will get plenty more hugs I promise you, though that also means he gets hurt more.

12: Kinda but also cause I enjoy writing angst.

Ok ok here's some fluff: These all take place a good week or 2 (or longer) after Ran forgives his brother and the relationship gets better. Watson walks in on the two sharing a blanket and sleeping against eachother. With them leaning on eachother and leaving almost no space between them. Ran finally calls Ranbob Bobby again and Ranbob cries and hugs his brother tightly, Ran is shocked but quickly hugs back just as tightly. Ranbob gets to finally pull a big brother move and tease Ran about his "nerdy" habit of reading so many books, Ran tries to fire back that Ranbob literally picked a idol that requires you to be a bookworm but he simply shoots back that Technoblade also requires you to be a bookworm. Its been spotted multiple times of either Ran or Ranbob having their tail wrapped around his brothers wrist or leg, and the two aren't very far apart now. Jackie jokes about being replaced by Ranbob and being heartbroken, basically draping himself over Ran and whining while everyone else laughs at Rans distress. Ran and Ranbob eventually agree to merge their two hauntings, which is extremely rare and is the biggest sign of trust and love there is in enderman language. Ran reads to Ranbob one night after a bad relapse, which ends up soothing Ranbob much sooner than anything else.

I also have a more mythical idea of fluff that probably wont be in the main story, but im willing to share it if you want.

2: Only his family noticed? Dang, okay. I’m irrationally attached to his siblings now that they have names, and this only hurts me. Do the gladiators have any noticeable changes in behavior towards Ranbob and Ran after reading it? Also, who may Ranya and Seth be? I don’t believe I saw them mentioned earlier.

3: Technically, he’s right. He hasn’t died yet, anon, and he’s been stabbed multiple times, he could very well be immortal. I guess he should probably do his best to not get stabbed again though, I hear it’s kind of bad for you.

Ranbob: *Not doing something he should do for his own health*

Benjamin: *Self Care But As A Threat(Gently)*

Ranbob:

Ranbob: *Does it*

Also, even though I acknowledge that Raq could be a genuine threat, all I can imagine are Team Rocket shenanigans. He keeps trying to blind him in various, complicated ways, and fails hilariously. One time he actually manages to do it only for Jackie to take him out or for him to turn around and accidentally look Ranbob straight in the eyes cause the poor hybrid was trying to knock him out without a fight.

4: Yikes, that must have been pretty scary, just hearing everything go down. If I may ask, what exactly happened with Ranbob? You said there was screaming?

5: Well, at least everyone’s come to terms with it. Ran uses people as tote bags, and Ranbob is the local puppy, and it is what it is.

6: Very good! He needs it! Also, do they just keep them on hand? Just-he looks a tiny bit sad and Benjamin pulls blanket and tea out of thin air and burritos him.

7: Aww. But also, ouch. Oh well. At least we can get Ran eventually picking the nickname up again.

8: Oh? Interesting. Sounds like these guys are pretty quick on their feet. I can see why it’d impress the gladiators.

10: That? Sounds so cool? Oh, I really like that honestly, I can’t wait to see where you take that.

11: Neat. Is that where he got the idea for his diary, or? And why? Why must we suffer in order to take comfort from the kinder things in life? Why can’t Ranbob just have hugs without pain?

12: Did you genuinely just admit to aiming for my feelings with that last one?! Anon, how could you! I’ve been injured! My heart, Anon!

13: AWWWW. To all of this. So fluffy, and cute! Just what we needed, thank you! Also, more fluff, you say? Please share, we need all the fluff we can get.

Have a good week, Brothers Anon, and thank you for the lovely fluff, and equally lovely pain. I’m excited for more!

#Brothers AU #dream smp au #dream smp #tales from the smp #the lost city of mizu #ran #ranbob

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lady-charinette · 4 years

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Adrien Agreste =/= Sociopath - About Adrien Salt

I've seen a lot of posts going around about Adrien being a sociopath or the other (harasser, abuser...etc.)

What I find most of those posts lacking is looking at the big picture, or just zeroing in on certain moments of the show and even disregarding the context of those selected moments to unfairly rule judgement on a child (in canon) no less.

Definition of sociopath: A sociopath is a term used to describe someone who has antisocial personality disorder (ASPD). People with ASPD can’t understand others’ feelings. They’ll often break rules or make impulsive decisions without feeling guilty for the harm they cause.

People with ASPD may also use “mind games” to control friends, family members, co-workers, and even strangers. They may also be perceived as charismatic or charming.

We have to analyze the context and the surroundings Adrien is in.

Family, social life, relationships (platonic and romantic), personality, age, environment...etc.

Family:

We know Adrien has a father who is controlling, preferring to micro-manage every aspect of his son's life to continue to have a semblance of control at all times. We assume (heavily implied in the show), that his mother was kind, warm and emotional (whether that emotional is the "out-there" kind her twin sister has, it remains to be seen.)

According to a snippet from "Simon Says", Adrien also has "Quite a temper, you remind me of someone" according to Gabriel's own words, we can assume the "someone" is Emilie, Gabriel says this when Chat Noir refused to follow his orders and told him to basically "get off his high horse". In this context, anyone who defies Gabriel in such a way would either be branded as "disobedient" or to "have quite a temper".

According to Adrien himself in "Adrien's Double Life" (from Miraculous Secrets) he describes being Chat Noir as "...I can finally do whatever I want to do, say whatever comes to mind." He doesnt feel as restricted and controlled since that's the one aspect of his life his father has no knowledge of.

Social life:

Adrien has had no or very little interaction with peers.

Evidence: Chloe being his childhood friend. Felix commenting on Chloe's appearance in the video she sent for Adrien's birthday, saying "Chloe. Just as annoying as usual." suggests he knows her from before, maybe even as early on as their childhood days.

This makes Felix and Chloe the only kids, of spoiled and rich background, with whom Adrien interacted.

Felix is shown to be good at manipulating people and keeping up appearances (potentially connected to insecurities within the family? Not confirmed), Chloe is openly mean and bullies others (with underlying insecurities also connected to her parents).

The only positive adult (if Gorilla isn't as involved and Nathalie had been solely Gabriel's secretary and not Adrien's caretaker since there was Emilie) in Adrien's life would be his mother, who also fell into a coma during Adrien's formative years (and still during a time where he's figuring himself and his emotions out: puberty), leaving him with his father.

Moving on, even if the writer's sometimes may not always successfully show Adrien being awkward in social interactions, it doesnt mean they dont exist.

This interaction between him and Marinette, asking for her autograph, very formal in his question, awkward in posture:

He's picked up on some speech patterns from his frequent interactions with Nino ("dude", "Hey man." "Totally dude.") showing he's, like many people, mimicking his friend's behavior and speech to grow more favorably in their eyes.

The same pattern can be observed with Gabriel and Adrien: Adrien adopts his father's formal speech whenever talking to him, since that appeases him.

Adrien has had very limited friendly interactions with his peers, romantic interactions are basically non-existent. The scenes where Adrien is being chased by his fans, who obsessively adore him, cant be linked to Adrien experiencing healthy romantic contact (Lila doesn't count since she only uses Adrien to further her goals). Marinette doesn't count since Adrien's isn't even aware of her romantic feelings for him. (Again, difficulties picking up social cues due to only ever being homeschooled > limited social contact with peers)

So no, in my humble opinion, Adrien sometimes doesn't understand other people's feelings not because he's a sociopath, but because he's an awkward kid with very little experience about making friends and having healthy relationships with them.

Relationships:

Let's be direct here: Gabriel is an abusive as*hole.

If the writer's wanted to show Gabriel struggling or having remorse for his actions being Hawkmoth and putting his son through danger, well... They blew it. "Gorizilla" was a 5 second reaction of Hawkmoth showing concern after letting Adrien fall from a skyscraper. Applause. After that? Not much.

Nathalie: Adrien likes, she takes care of him, his schedule, was the one to convince Gabriel to let him attend public school. There are moments in the show where she softens up towards Adrien, but always carries that air of professionalism on her to (possibly, assumption) not grow too close. Gorilla is...Gorilla, but at least the man tries with his nonverbal support and affectionate grunts. Lol.

Gabriel: He loves his father. It's his parent, after all. However, Adrien's reactions to him are vastly different than to how he reacts when thinking of his mother. He shows signs of fear (tensing up, growing obedient...etc.), he excuses his father's excessive controlling tendencies to just be "he's just worried about me", "that's the way he always was", "father cares and protects me". Adrien shows to be frequently disappointed with Gabriel, one of the first scenes being that Gabriel couldn't attend parent's day at school, Adrien was talking on the phone alone in the school hallway. He was genuinely surprised by the blue scarf his father gifted him (not knowing it was Marinette), since all he used to get were pens (again, not even from Gabriel, but Nathalie). This is my assumption but: Adrien has previously begged his father to go outside more or attend public school, but this time it worked only because Nathalie managed to convince him.

Friends from school: Nino is his best friend, Adrien seems to be good friends with Alya too, basically everyone in class, with varying degrees of closeness. Chloe is a childhood friend whom Adrien is fond of but also grows exasperated with and corrects her behavior if she's too harsh.

Marinette: likes and respects her, but can't read her well or at least when he thinks he's got her figured out, she claims the opposite. Marinette has been sending mixed signals, on one hand even making Adrien believe (and fear) they weren't friends. "Chat Blanc" contrary to popular belief, showed that Adrien is delighted at the prospect of Marinette being Ladybug (he'd severe doubts when Chloe or anyone else was brought up as a possible option).

Kagami: likes her, respects her, admires her fencing skills, learned to have fun hanging out with her and playing as kids usually do since she also has a controlling parent and they both know some ways/tricks around their boundaries to sneak off and meet their friends. Adrien and Kagami have similarities in that respect, Gabriel pushing Adrien to be a model, Mrs. Tsurugi pushing Kagami to be a master fencer.

Lila: At first defended her, was friendly towards her since she was a new student from overseas he sympathized because surely it would be lonely? The new girl would need a friend who supported her through all this things that were new for him too. However, as soon as he caught wind of Lila's schemes, he changes his tune. He feels uncomfortable around her overstepping his boundaries, expresses anger when Lila accused Marinette of crimes she didn't commit and even makes a deal with her to not bother Marinette again (but use him instead, doing photoshoots together...etc.) to keep her safe.

Age:

A 14-15 year old, having lost his mother, the only positive, healthy relationship in his life. Surrounded by a controlling father, not much free time, many extracurricular activities and being a superhero alongside Ladybug.

Some of the signs of being a sociopath include: Breaking rules and being impulsive.... Didn't Ladybug do those too?

Breaking the rules: (since LB and Marinette are the same) stealing phones, sneaking into places where she shouldn't, using the miraculous for personal gain (latest example: getting Kagami away from Adrien), giving Adrien the snake miraculous due to personal preference instead of drawing logical conclusions. Sneaked into the Agreste mansion.

Impulsiveness: Marinette's daily fantasies (sharing a future life with Adrien and their hamster-who-must-not-be-named), when Lila's "precious family heirloom necklace" was "stolen", Marinette was quick to include her classmates in the list of potential perpetrators for it (without ill intent, but still..)

You know who the real potential sociopath in the show is?

Gabriel

Some of you might include Lila too (since she fits all the criteria for being a sociopath), but the key difference is: Lila is still just a kid.

We don't know much about her family life. Just that her mother is busy with work, we don't know where her father is, who her friends were/if she even had them. She might be lying and manipulating people to follow her own agenda, but she thrives in attention, when people notice and praise her. In some aspects, that could've been Adrien. With one neglectful parent, a missing parent, no friends (prior to going to school)...etc. There is also a lot we don't know about her.

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kdramachitchat · 3 years

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Nevertheless, episode 2: ITS NOT ONLY ME, NEVERTHELESS,

Gives the viewers a insight of Nabi’s curious mind as a young woman as she explores her sexual attraction for JaeEon without having the constraints.

The 2nd episode continues with the last scene from the pilot where Nabi and JaeEon are about to kiss. In her mind she thinks that JaeEon feels the same attraction as she does but the almost kiss was abrupt by a phonecall. JaeEon got a call from Yeoju and apologizes that he cannot be with Nabi that day but promises another day. As JaeEon leaves, Nabi takes out her cellphone and sees a misscall from JaeEon’s number which she saves and smiles.

Real talk with Bitna

Nabi and Bitna has a conversation the next day, Bitna tells her that Jae-Eon isnt the dating type.She says that he is the type who flirts but never commits to a relationship. He stops at a line until things get a little further. Nabi was taken aback and questioned her friend if what she says is true.Bitna compares Jae-Eon to a flower and that the flower doesn’t grow for one butterfly. A flower was compared as a symbol of seductive beauty that withers once it’s plucked.Bitna also added that Jae-Eon is a very calculated person. Nabi commented how she felt that something was off about him but not in the way Bitna talks about him. She also explains how everyone knows about Jae-Eon’s behavior and they’re not easily fooled since whoever interacted with him is aware. Bitna basically tells her that he is a player. Nabi is in denial that they are just friends but her friend knows that she cant just keep it casual. As friends though, Bitna admits that he’s not that bad to hang out with.

Im glad that Nabi has a friend like Bitna who tells her the truth and keeps it real. Sometimes if you’re in with your feelings about a certain guy who has red flags you dont see it. She’s good.

The club

Jae-Eon joins Nabi from the cafeteria and talks about using his wish and if she can grant him another one and that night they ended up in a club. We see Nabi absolutely hating the loud noise. Jae-Eon gets their drinks, spots her covering her ears and smiled going towards her. Jae-Eon reveals that his wish is to have a dance with her but Nabi just wanted to leave. Jae-Eon insists but Nabi clearly hates being in the loud environment. He then whispers to Nabi’s ear in a flirty way and tries to make her dance. In Nabi’s mind, Jae-Eon makes her feel excited and she sees is him. Both of them stayed and eventually danced. We can see how Nabi has growing feelings for Jae-Eon and is curious if he likes her. They were about to kiss but someone accidentally bumps into them. Nabi went to the bathroom and noticed how red her face was. She’s purely physically attracted to him and knows nothing about him yet she’s getting flustered. Nabi gets a message from Jae-Eon that he’s smoking outside the club. The woman that Nabi sees at the club goes outside and talks to Jae-Eon and complaint why he wasnt reading any of her messages and why is he suddenly hanging out at the club. Jae-Eon mentioned that he’s with Nabi and when the woman approached her Nabi for a invitation with her friends, she notices a butterfly art on the woman’s skin. Nabi starts to feel anxious. Jae-Eon rudely asked her to leave. Jae-Eon asked her why was she trying to get away from him, she was quite observant that she’s prob not just some any girl. Jae-Eon says that the woman is obsessed and delusional. GIRL, RED FLAG.

Racy thoughts

After Nabi being aware of Jae-Eon’s ways she still cant help but feel sexually attracted to him. Things are about to get spicy. Cover your eyes and skip if you cant handle! Nabi had a racy dream and woke up because of the shock. She then receives a call from Jae-Eon. Then the next day for her presentation she sees a acne below her chin. HAH! She sees Jae-Eon at the class and covered her acne from him and why? Think he might ask how she got it, stop from embarrassment. Then Jae-Eon notices that she sometimes act cold towards him. During her presentation, she starts to feel her period. Ouch. She goes out of the classroom covering her behind and Jae-Eon notices then gives her his hoodie. Their respective friends start to get curious after Jae-Eon lent his hoodie and ask if they are close or if something is going on. Nabi said that she’s not pushing away someone who is being nice to her or if someone is making her feel special. Bitna keeps on warning her but just lets her be because she has to realize it herself.

Hangout

Nabi realizes how popular Jae-Eon is with everyone, things got boring while everyone else was waiting for him. Nabi comments on how he’s the main character of everyone’s story. Once he arrived her sexual desire for him heightens even more. Then someone made a rude comment about women giving birth, it did not sit well with her at all. Everyone loses their appetite. Jae-Eon and Nabi both stood up away from the table. He gave her a lime drunk as it was something she enjoyed back in the club. She was surprised on how he remembered it.

Minsang came back out with Jae-Eon, Nabi and Bitna. He still kept on making rude comments and asked if there was something going on between her and Jae-Eon. Jae-Eon told Minsang that nothing was going on and she looks hurt. Well you never asked in the first place. Jae-Eon reassured his statement to Nabi acting like a asshole. Sorry cant help it. Minsang obviously drunk kept on telling her how he kept on noticing the glances. From annoyance, Nabi excuses herself to the bathroom.

Bitna playing it real again telling her that Jae-Eon doesnt know how she feels so that’s why he said that to Minsang, incase it got awkward. I get her point but the way he said it made him act like a-hole, but then again Nabi never mentioned how she felt towards him either. But if it was the case he could’ve changed the subject, so why didnt he? Because he doesnt have any intention at all. Bitna even told her that Jae-Eon kept looking her and says that he doesnt just buys a drink for any girl. She also said that she senses something else. Nabi wanted to get rid of her feelings but that night is not the night. Bitna encourages Nabi to invite him along with Bitna to her house. She made a choice to be a fun girl for a moment. Their group eventually went to her house and they spinning bottle games.

Nabi’s house party

During the spinning bottle kiss game, things got a little too noisy and the neighbors went to complain. He even flirts with the neighbors and wishes them luck to pacify their anger. While doing so he put his arm around Nabi and the friends noticed. things got awkward for a min but they continued back to their game. The bottle eventually landed to both of them but they both drank instead, which eventually ended the game.

When everyone left, Jae-Eon seem to be missing only to find out he is with another girl. She spied for them a bit and obviously is upset. Nabi was about to headback but Jae-Eon stops her and tell her that its all a game and the other girl just wanted to try it. Nabi still upset tells Jae-Eon that he doesnt need to explain. Jae-Eon asked if she wanted to try kissing him. Jae-Eon confessed that he rather kiss her and eventually tried to but she stopped him. Jae-Eon says that he wont force to kiss her if she doesnt want to. He’s so confusing. Then eventually, Nabi was the one who initiated the kiss!

These 2 are in for a roller coaster.

#2021 #Nevertheless

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belfrygargoyles · 3 years

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the tags on that post went on way long ive never reached the tag limit before.

but honestly it is really important to me that people start learning the limits of what can and cannot be helped irt mental illness and neurodivergency, both from the standpoint of someone directly experiencing it themselves and from that of a bystander in someone else’s life looking in. Particularly with adhd specifically because that’s just the one I have myself and have both experienced and witnessed the most “reason not an excuse” type treatment as a result, and also the one I’m getting the creeping feeling is being more widely accepted as ‘cringe’ to have and talk about online.

But that’s just a feeling I get without much to back it up. I don’t see much of it firsthand because I don’t really frequent many different circles or websites, but I get hints of it from the way certain posts are spread around and just knowing the ways things tend to go. Usually in the form of the odd story or screenshot from another platform about someone who used RSD as an excuse to avoid being held accountable in a very ‘2013 tumblr’ way (ie when it was much more common (in my personal microcosm I guess) for people to take that very particular victimized stance whenever someone tried to hold them accountable for literally any minor thing, usually with “cry typing” and citing some reason why it was uncalled for to ‘attack’ them, usually using a mental illness or trauma to try and make whoever confronted them look like the villain by taking on a ‘I’m just soft and helpless and I can’t help it, you’re personally causing me to have a mental breakdown’ approach to conflict. I will clarify. I think the reason why I don’t see this as much anymore is largely due to the fact that a lot of us have grown up and learned how to take criticism, and I don’t see as many new young tumblr users in their early teens as I used to. The site climate has changed since then, but I wouldn’t be able to put my finger on just how exactly.)

...and also in posts about people who say “I can’t help it, it’s my hyperfixation and it’s important to me” when asked about why they still like and avidly post about certain things that aren’t. Great. How do i say Parry Hotter and Tooster Reeth without saying it. Things that have long since been exposed to be rife with bigotry and the continued support of which not only supports the continued creation of harmful content, but also raise the question of how a fan can continue to enjoy it if they themselves don’t share the same beliefs. I do believe “hyperfixation” as a word has been taken and applied so often to so many things that aren’t a hyperfixation, that a lot of people think it just means “I’m a big fan of this thing” and it’s lost the significance it used to have as a term for a more specific experience.

And with both RSD and hyperfixations not being exclusive to, but very commonly considered a part of adhd for many people, the way I see it going is less “ha ha let’s laugh at people who are misusing a word to cover for their immature behavior” and leaning more towards “adhd is a cringe condition to have and you’re going to curve from feeling more comfortable discussing it openly right back around to point A of being ashamed and embarrassed because you don’t want to be made fun of”

Now, is this a concrete trend I’m seeing a lot of? Again, no, because I stay in my own corner and curate my experience well enough that I don’t often come across bad takes about adhd, but it’s more just a general feeling of dread anticipation based on patterns I’ve seen before.

...But. yeah. There’s a line between acknowledging and accepting that someone is mentally ill and knowing that they will have symptoms that are unpleasant or inconvenient but supporting them regardless, and enabling and excusing harmful habits and behaviors that exist as manifestations of that mental illness. I think a lot of people have a really hard time telling when what approach is needed, and, not wanting to risk accidentally encouraging harmful, unhealthy, or ‘embarrassing’ behavior, default to the ‘judge and shame’ mode.

There are a lot of conversations to be had about this. Regarding how people who are mentally ill finding ways to examine and recognize their own behaviors, what is a symptom, and what level of control they have over it and how to manage it in a safe and healthy way, regarding people who /aren’t/ mentally ill learning when it’s right to say ‘i’m sorry you’re experiencing that,’ when to say ‘i’m sorry you’re experiencing that, but it makes me feel x when you say y and i want to discuss how we can work it out for us both,’ and when to say ‘i’m sorry you’re experiencing that, but you need to chill/i don’t have to take this’ without taking the judgmental route that ends up hurting more people in ways you didn’t intend, and regarding the fact that people just /love/ to make fun of anyone who doesn’t act ‘normal’ and when it’s brought up that hey, actually what you’re saying is in fact something a lot of people with x condition do/experience and the way you’re talking about it is very hurtful, people say ‘no i dont mean the people who actually have x, i just meant the other freaks who do x’ and it’s like :/ y’all hear yourselves sometimes?

#personal #hi im belfry im sick of feeling the background radiation levels of shame generated by the internet about being #a feminine nb person with adhd who doesn’t have any desire to transition and dyes their hair #the way people have always singled out travis mcelroy has never sat well with me #like its fine if you dont like him or vibe with him but #it’s the specific way i see it done that i never ever see about the other two

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adultingautistic · 4 years

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sept 13 (tw for harmful stims) I just got through my first meltdown (an awful one) after my diagnosis, so it was the first time I actually knew I was having a meltdown, and I couldn't calm down at all, nothing would work. How can I be more prepared for next time? Like, how do I know I'm about to have a meltdown or a shutdown, and how do I calm myself down from either of those? I also noticed I did some bad stims, like hitting my head and biting myself, and I don't know what to do about that

First, I’m so glad you got diagnosed! It’s so wonderful to know the reason behind your behaviors. Simply knowing what a meltdown is, and that’s what’s happening, is a huge step towards learning how to make them less awful.

The best, best way to prevent meltdowns is to become aware of your reactions to your environment. To become aware of your sensory inputs, to notice when they are affecting you, and to believe yourself that they are. As autistics we are told so often by almost everyone we meet that “it’s not really that bad” and “it’s nothing, just suck it up”, but this is the exact behavior that can lead straight to a meltdown.

It is that bad. The horrible clothes your wearing are that awful, the food really does taste that disgusting, that beeping noise really is unbearable. Once you start to listen to yourself, and believe yourself, you can begin to take steps to take care of yourself. You can take off the horrible clothes and never wear them again. You can stop eating horrible food that will send you into overload territory. You can permit yourself to cover your ears or wear headphones.

Keep in mind that sensory input is only one of two things that can cause overload- the other is emotional overload. Yes, it really is that horrible when your routine is changed. Believe yourself, and trust your own feelings. Once you start to do this, you can start to take care of yourself.

An example from my own life is that for me, last-minute changes to plans are Absolutely Horrible. My brain can’t process them. When I wake up for the day, my mind knows what I’m doing that day and I make my routines accordingly. I need a certain amount of time to shower, eat, get dressed, etc, and I can’t change those routines or make them faster. I also need to eat at certain times and because of samefoods, those foods take a certain amount of time to cook, and I can’t switch to something that’s faster to eat. Because of all of this, I can’t suddenly go somewhere last-minute. If I had plans to be somewhere at 2pm, that means I had to eat at 1pm to make sure I don’t get hungry during the outing (because of samefoods, I can’t eat at other places). If I already at at 1, and then someone wants to change the plans from 2 to 4, now I will be hungry when I go, and this is HORRIBLY stressful for me.

So instead, what I have done as an adult, is tell people “I do not do last- minute plans. Period.” And I don’t.

If my mother or a friend calls me wanting to see me later that day I tell them “No, I do not do last minute plans.” I dont’ care how upset they might get, because I will be far more stressed if I do it their way, than they will ever be waiting a day to see me. So I avoid a situation that could send me into a meltdown, by doing self-care and protecting myself from last-minute changes to plans.

I also have an accomodation at work that says that I must have at least one day’s notice for meetings. If a meeting is scheduled for later that same day, I am excused from attending. This is how I protect myself from the emotional overload that could lead to a meltdown.

Now you may not have the same struggles with changes to routine the way I do. So you need to look at yourself, and what things contribute to your overload. This takes time to learn, and practice! And that’s okay. The more you pay attention to yourself and how you feel, the better you will become at recognizing the things that contribute to your overload. It took me years to realize that last-minute changes were so detrimental to me. Be patient, it does take time to learn yourself. But you can do it.

You will also get more practiced at noticing how you feel, and realizing when you’re getting close to a meltdown. At this point, you must put your own needs first, as this is an emergency. So yes, leave the party. Leave the table. Go for a walk outside. Use the bathroom. Do whatever you have to to remove yourself from the sensory and emotional inputs so that you can avoid a meltdown.

Once you are in one, it is like you said- you don’t have a lot of control over calming yourself down. Once you’ve reached a meltdown, you have to get out of the situation that caused it, as quickly as possible, and you need to stay there as long as it takes for you to recover, which can be hours.

I know that for myself, if I have a meltdown, I’m shot for the day. I can’t do anything productive or useful and I also don’t try to make myself. I just stare at the TV until it’s time for bed. Sleeping is the only way that I, personally, am able to truly recover from a meltdown. Once you are in meltdown you basically have to treat yourself as gently as you would if you had a high fever, and do whatever it takes to make yourself even slightly more comfortable. At this point, you’re like a sick person, all other activities are cancelled and you need to just rest, rest, rest.

As far as controlling harmful stims. During a meltdown, you already have lost almost all control. You’re already in survival mode, and your brain is doing those stims to try to regulate the horrible overload it is experiencing. So while most of the time I suggest finding ways to replace harmful stims with less harmful ones, during a meltdown, don’t. Your brain doesn’t have the energy for you to fight against it. It’s full, which is why you’re melting down.

Unless a harmful stim is so severe that it’s putting you in danger, I personally just let them happen, because fighting them will only make the meltdown worse and last longer. I do hit my head, hard enough to cause a headache, but not hard enough to cause bruising or bleeding. If you're just hitting your head with your own hands, fine. There’s no danger there. If you’re hitting your head on objects that can harm you, then I’d recommend trying to switch to hitting your head with your hands instead. Your own hands aren’t going to cause a concussion or other dangerous injury. It’s okay. Just hit your head. It’s your brain’s way of actually making the meltdown shorter. It needs an outlet. Meltdowns are severe things.

I do also scratch myself and that too isn’t going to cause permanent harm. If I try not to do it, then I just end up hitting things with my hands instead- you don’t have much control here. Your brain needs to regulate with hard stims, and it’s going to. The only way out is through. Triggering physical pain can be very regulating for your brain, and as long as you’re not in danger, I wouldn’t fight it during a meltdown.

If your safety truly is in danger, then I hope the people around you will restrain you (such as if you’re biting yourself so hard you’re bleeding, or from hitting your head on something dangerous such as stone or bricks). Being restrained is hell. You don’t want to go through it. But it’s necessary if your safety is truly in danger.

So you asked how to make a meltdown end quicker- and the answer is hardcore self-care. This means to remove yourself from the offending environment, it doesn’t matter whether it’s “socially correct” to do it at this time, your brain is in a severe state and it needs safety and you have to get it there. It also means to let your stims out, let them all out, as much as they want to, as long as you’re not in physical danger. Scream, cry, hit, bite, scratch, whatever it takes. Let the stims happen. These are your brain’s way of getting out of the meltdown. You’ll look autistic. But a meltdown is serious business, and it requires the best self-care you’ve got, and stimming is self-care.

But, the more familiar you become with your own triggers, and the more you’re able to avoid them, the less often you will have meltdowns. Especially once you’re an adult and have more control over your own environment, meltdowns can become very rare and some people can even avoid them completely. Continue to listen to yourself, listen to your brain and what it’s telling you, and do the best self-care that you can, and hopefully you won’t need to worry about how to survive meltdowns nearly as often.

#actually autistic #actuallyautistic #meltdowns #tw: harmful stims #harmful stims #tw: self harm #self harm #stimming #stims #restraining #ask

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elftwink · 3 years

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my disclaimer on this post is that im aware this is not a particularly pressing problem and that none of this is trying to argue that reverse sexism or misandry is real which is hopefully obvious but you never know on this site

anyway. how come some of you are hellbent on characterizing men being attracted to women as inherently predatory or disingenuous. it is literally like some of u think the only reason a man would be interested in a woman is to control or use her. and like. im not going to deny that does happen and that gender roles and the expectations of heterosexuality do facilitate and encourage that, but that means it’s because of these societal pressures that it happens, rather than being some inherent property of male attraction that is unavoidable. like its missing the point. if you treat sexism as the individual failing of every man due to something they cannot control (rather than a complex system of oppression that men benefit from, which is what it is) then what, exactly, is your solution? i find it hard to believe you are all separatists, although i’m sure some people are. but if not that, what is the goal?

also i need u to understand this doesn’t actually impact just cishet men. like how many bi people have to tell you they are negatively impacted by stuff like this for you to tone it down. how many trans women have to tell you that attributing any behaviour to inherent maleness negatively impacts them (and allows for more outright transmisogyny to spread much more easily. i mean, you already believe a behaviour can be both gendered and innate; that’s not that far from arguing that gender itself is innate). and if you’re like “oh well i wasn’t talking about them” then i need you to explain how the behaviour of a cishet man is predatory but the behaviour of a closeted person who is perceived as a cishet man isn’t, and how you can even tell without knowing that person. you don’t know. you cannot know. and frankly; it doesn’t matter! the actual behavior never changed.

like. it is one thing to point out actual predatory behaviours common in cishet men. its entirely another to say that normal behaviours that a huge amount of people do are predatory BECAUSE a cishet man is doing them. and dont u think arguing that cishet men cant help behaving in a certain way due to being cishet men encourages ppl in relationships with them to tolerate behaviour that is genuinely harmful because they assume thats just how men are. thats not how men are.

also a second disclaimer im not talking about like. things that are jokes. it is still true that men being attracted to women is a societal norm and that men aren’t being ‘oppressed’ by some posts on tumblr joking that being straight is weird/unnatural or that men suck or whatever. but those jokes usually don’t include like, assumptions and implications about the inherent nature of gender, and they don’t arbitrate who is and is not “allowed” to do certain things on the basis of gender and sexuality, which is really the problem i’m talking about.

anyway. if you eyeroll at me for ‘defending cishet men’ i will block you. its not my fault you cant see how these things have negative impacts on everyone. and call me a bootlicker i guess but i dont see any tangible benefit from constantly insisting cishet men are INHERENTLY and INNATELY worse than everyone else. its mean, it encourages and excuses bad behaviour, and demonizes normal behaviour that shouldn’t have any moral evaluation attached to it no matter who does it.

#good idea generator #this is a mess and too long and scattered but the tldr is that its woke gender essentialism #and im gonna need u all 2 cut it the fuck out. like are you serious #also dont reblog this post its not coherent and while if YOU want to respond you should feel free #i dont wanna hear from like. your followers followers or anything. like after it escapes my tumblr bubble #the responses get way worse and this isnt even that well formulated of a post so like. i just dont have the energy

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grungegoths · 4 years

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ur post is so true lmao people in the atla fandom act like they are so feminist and progressive but as soon as they see an unconventional relationship which doesnt fall into the cishet gender roles of "the girl takes care of the boy and babies him throughout his angst episodes and doesnt let him get unnecessarily angry towards her" they flip and call the relationship "toxic". this why i dislike z*tara shippers n their "yin yang" and "opposites complement" its so inaccurate n misogynistic

I mean i dont really feel much strongly about any of the canon relationships of atla and steer clear of any shipping discourse but yeah i too have noticed this thing sometimes haha.Mai and zuko arent among my favourite ships but I do sort of like how unconventional zuko and mai’s relationship is since it doesnt have the usual “opposites attract / angsty traumatized boy meets soft sweet healing girl / “ tropes which are found in most of the popular fictional couples but still it works somehow yk?

i like how mai always stands up for herself when she feels like shes not being treated right and calls out zuko for trying to excuse his behavior with the fact that he had a shitty life .I do liked how she tried her best to support and cheer up zuko when he was stressed about the war meeting and waited outside the meeting hall for him since she remembered how the last war meeting had went for him.

Also all of her actions in the boiling rocks episode were so so amazing since she not only risked her whole life to save zuko but also delivered the iconic “i love zuko more than i fear you” line since im fairly certain THAT was one of the main reason of the start of the unraveling of azula since for her whole life azula firmly used to believe that fear is the best way to control people and it wins over all other forms of emotion but ma (and ty lee’s) betrayal changed her whole perspective over it and made her unsure of herself.

Idk why this has anothing to do with zutara shippers tho and have no idea what does yin and yang mean here sorry i dont usually pay attention to any shipping discourse or analysis so your last part completely flew over my head rip

#Anonymous #atla #avatar #avatar the last airbender #zuko #mai

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longinglook · 4 years

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I’m going to be gone for most of the day so I thought that the best way to use up my last 10 minutes before leaving would be to write a multi paragraph post on what I think about Fighter’s behavior so here we go

(under a read more because this could get very very long)

so. fighter. our confused messy boy we are just starting to understand

i’ve read a lot of tweets/posts/comments of people that don’t understand his behavior or think that his storyline doesn’t make sense which has always left me a bit perplexed because to me everything he does seems justified and coherent to where his mind is at the moment so i’ll try to explain

but first, something about me kfmslkcls

i identify as lesbian but i have struggled with compulsive heterosexuality all my life, i’ve spent years identifying as bi because the scary part for me was not admitting that i liked girls but admitting that i did not like boys past the occasional crushes on fictional boys and let me tell you: a lot of what fighter does/the way he thinks reminds me so much of how i was and here’s a list of things:

1) he seems a lot more at ease with same sex friends, the only times we see him with hwa you can tell that he’s forcing himself to act a certain way, he knows he’s supposed to do boyfriend things like taking her on dates and kissing but he is not comfortable with it, he tries and fails at it. of course part of the reason is because of his father but not only does he seem uniterested in her, there’s always a sense of uneasiness when he’s with her, like he’s scared of actually having to kiss her. he’s fine with the relationship as long as it’s just texting and hanging out (like a friendship would be) but he seems not to want it to become phisical. since he’s a very confused boy he’s probably blaming all of this on his father forcing him into the relationship, instead of knowing right away that he’s not interested in her

2) thinking whatever he has with tutor is just friendship and teasing: i feel like this is such a common experience for most lgbt+ folks, thinking you just have a deep friendship with someone of the same sex, only to later realize it was actually a crush and you had no idea. ex. liking the casual cuddling and touches and looking for more, paying close attention to all the displays of affection, wanting to always be close and being a little jealous of everyone else that they interact with. I feel like a lot of people go through this thinking it’s just a friendship, especially if it’s with someone of the same sex because they are not even considering the option of it being a crush. that’s why fighter keeps saying that they’re only friends and he’s behaving like a close friend would, he just doesn’t let himself consider the option because it would be way too scary and that leads us to point #3

3) being too scared to say what he wants: he does this A LOT. instead of asking for something, which would mean saying it out loud and admitting it, he just acts. words can be so scary (again making this about me, i have id’d as lesbian for over 2 years now and ive come out to a lot of friends but ive never said the word lesbian out loud because it’s just terrifying to me), and fighter seems to only use them after he has acted to justify whatever dumb shit he has done with an excuse. saying something like “i kissed you because i wanted to” would mean admitting he wants to kiss another man (meaning he’s not straight) and that man is fighter (meaning he has feelings for him). it’s much easier for him to go with the flow and do first, explain later. and by explaining i mean lying, even to himself because deep down he knows, of couse he knows what’s going on but acknowledging it would have serious implications on his life.

also the way he reacts to tutor asking him if he likes boys is a big indicator of what's going on with him, it's his way of answering, not his way of avoiding the question. he can't say it out loud so he shows it but then he's scared of the consequences and no homos it. and the choice of replaying the question scene while they're making out shows us that fight is tormented by it, he's scared of other people asking him that as well, now that tutor has noticed it more people could as well and that's why he pulls away.

4) on a similar note, teasing until tutor does something/not wanting to be the one to start it: this is pure fighter behavior, hoping tutor will be the one to start it so he doesn’t have to. i called this gay chicken last week, it’s fighter making everything into a challenge so he can blame it on tutor and say that he was just reacting. we can see how desperate he is for tutor’s attention, how happy he is when he has it and how frustrated he is when he doesn’t. he’s like a child who wants people to pay attention to him but doesn’t know how to ask for it, so they start annoying people. fight knows very well that he could just say hey tutor i’m here, please talk to me but how could he give a realistic reason for it other than because i have a massive crush on you meaning i’m not straight. he knows tutor doesn’t back down from a challenge and he riles him up because he has learned what that will lead them to. it’s like he knows there’s an easier way to get to that, but it’s scary so he just keeps going with his soundproof tesing tacting which so far has worked every time. also in general reacting is a lot easier than acting, again a personal example: if someone asks me if i like girls I’ll say yes right away, but if i have to start the conversation i won’t. (one thing i do a lot is to be like “hey i have something to tell you about myself but you have to guess it”)

5) backtracking/giving mixed signals: again he’s terrified, he knows what he wants but he knows what /wanting it/ implies. sometimes he follows his heart, but then his brain comes back to tell him that, hey, you’re kissing another dude and you’re enjoying it and of course he freaks out and leaves. i would be way more annoyed with him if the show had been portraying tutor as pining and in love, meaning that fighter has been giving him false-ish hopes, but after ep.6 we see that tutor himself still hasn’t admitted to himself that he likes fighter (in bold because i feel like this part is very important and often overlooked) so they are both confused about their feelings.

i don’t think they are actually confused, they know but they are scared which in my opinion is very realistic of how someone behaves when they thought they were straight and they are not. It’s not about being dumb or being slow, it’s about realizing that once you take that step and acknowledge you’re not straight your life changes. idk how many of you are actually not straight (i assume most just because tumblr) but like…… coming out is so stressful being straight is just so much easier you dont have to do shit i wish that were me

6) his father: i feel like we only grazed the surface of fighter’s daddy issues, but he seems to be a very controlling and inflexible man, meaning that he probably wouldn’t be thrilled at the idea of his son dating another man. we don’t know about fight’s past, and maybe he has already had crushes on men and had to repress them. fighter seems to be used to a pretty luxurious lifestyle, he can’t just fuck off and go against his father because he would lose his support.

so it’s not just admitting things to himself, which can be insanely hard on its own especially if you were brought up in a traditional family, it’s also having to deal with the reactions from everyone around you

I KEEP THINKING ABOUT NEW THINGS TO ADD TO THIS POST SORRY anyway i think fighter has already shown multiple times that he does care for tor, it's just in a very shy and lowkey way because he's scared of giving himself away but he does indeed worry about tor (ex. he notices tor is stressed about his test, he tries to help outat his part time job). it also seems that in times of urgency he's more explicit about ex. offering to pay off his debt when tor was being threatened or saying he's his boyfriend when the gross cafe dude was hitting on him

also can we talk about how heartbreaking and soft fighter can be when he lets down his guard and shows his emotional side ex. telling tor nobody has ever taken care of him like that or the way he looks every time tutor pulls away first... this poor boy is touch starved and he craves affection but he can't ask for it yet. he's going to be a real gem once he can be honest with his feelings

for future episodes i think that tutor and fighter are well on their way to realizing their feelings for each other and there's going to be some development soon, but i dont expect fighter to come out to anyone else in the next few episodes because there's a lot of work to be done still. i just hope they dont pull the /i dont like boys i just like you/ trope because i WILL drop this show. so. fast. please don't ruin this character please let him accept his attraction to men fully

in conclusion. i dont blame fighter for anything he has done so far, he’s scared shitless but knows what’s going on, i trust he will soon be brave enough to start being honest with himself and with tutor

man this did NOT take 10 minutes to write and i dont have time to proofread

#fightertutor #zee pruk #why r u #why r u the series #why r u?#why ru the series #why ru #fighter #text #meta

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