#and i can’t stop thinking. that maybe. i should’ve risked it all to do that. even if i lived in my car pregnant

[vibraniumavenger]

Collision

TW/CW: Car accident, injuries.

Pairing: Evan Buckley x Diaz!Reader

You smiled to yourself as you walked beside Christopher, your nephew. You had watched him in the morning while your brother was working, and Carla was attending an appointment. You didn’t mind though, you absolutely adored him, and he enjoyed spending time with you. 

You had an hour to kill before dropping him off to Carla, and heading off to work yourself, so you decided to swing by the station to have lunch with the team. It was quiet when you arrived, indicating the team were on a call. You took it upon yourself to make lunch for everybody, knowing it would be a relief to them when they got back. Chris was sat at the table on his tablet, in a world of his own, allowing you to focus on the food. You couldn’t help but smile to yourself as the sound of the shutters opening filled the station followed by heavy boots thudding against the floor as each firefighter jumped out of the truck. The footsteps got closer, the faint smell of smoke mixed with a familiar aftershave filled your nostrils and you instinctively lean back into the body that is now behind you as arms snake around your waist. “Isn’t this a nice surprise?” 

You turn towards the voice, and smile, “Apparently, I can’t seem to stay away.” You lean up to kiss Buck, causing Chris to pull a disgusted face. This seemed to amuse Buck, and he kissed you again. Eddie appeared in the kitchen, and made his way over to his son, visibly happy to see him. “Come on guys, get a room.” You rolled your eyes playfully at your brothers comment, and pulled away from Buck. 

You dished up the food for the team and took a seat, eager to hear about the call they had just been on. You listened intently as you ate, your complete focus on Buck as he spoke passionately about the call. Your heart warmed as you watched his face light up, he loved how much you genuinely enjoyed hearing about the calls, and how his day had gone. Chimney was the next to speak up, “It was a good call, except the part where Buck was playing hero and nearly got himself killed.” Bucks eyes widened and he turned to look at Chimney, giving him a look that immediately stopped him talking. Chimney, trying to help, began speaking again, “Don’t worry, it’s nothing out of the ordinary. It wasn’t any more dangerous than a simple call, the risk is always there. Besides, it was probably one of the safer times Buck tried to save the day, you should’ve seen him on the call last week.” 

“Chim, stop talking.” Buck, who was now visibly on the spot, turned to face you. He studied your face, working out how to approach this. He opened his mouth to reassure you, but you beat him to it, “I thought we spoke about this…” Buck knew you understood that no day was guaranteed, and that saving people on calls was something he would always try to do, even if it put him at risk. He also knew that he had a habit of jumping the gun and putting himself in dangerous situations without thinking it through. “I’m sorry…” 

You checked your watch, and stood up. “I just wish you’d be more careful, Buck.” Chris stood up and hugged Eddie goodbye, and you did the same. “Later bro.” You said goodbye to the team and walked back to the car with Chris by your side. The breeze hit you, and you took a deep breath. Maybe you were overreacting, maybe not but you just needed a moment. You helped Chris into the car and got in yourself, turning on the radio. The short ride to Carlas mostly consisted of Chris laughing as you sang along to the music, and the occasional conversation when Chris wasn’t overly engrossed in his phone. Carla was there to greet you when you pulled up on her drive, Chris was extremely excited and practically jumped out of the car to hug her. Carla gave you a hug, “Y/N, it’s so good to see you!” You smiled and hugged back, “It’s been a while, huh? Life has been hectic.” Carla laughs at this, “You’re telling me, your brother told me all about you and Buck. Moving in together? That’s a big step!” 

“We were practically living together anyway, and if I’m being honest, Eddie is probably just relieved to have his couch back. I was starting to get on his nerves.” You explained to Carla, and she chuckled. “Well, I wish you all the best. I’m gonna get Chris inside, and I’ll let you run off to work. It was lovely seeing you.” You hug Chris goodbye and bid farewell to Carla before getting into your car and beginning your journey to your place of work. In front of you, the amber light turned to red and you stopped. You could see that traffic was beginning to build up on the other side of the junction, and you didn’t want to be late. You sighed, and made the decision to take an alternate route, so when the light turned green, you indicated and pulled out to begin taking your turning. You let out a sudden gasp before you could even properly register the car coming towards you. All you could do was attempt to brace for the impact, and so you did. 

A loud crunching sound surrounded you, followed by the feeling of being thrown as your car was barrelled into. You closed your eyes tightly, scared of what was next. You didn’t have the courage to open them again until the car steadied. The first thing you could see was the airbag in front of you, despite not feeling it deploy moments before. You could smell the burning of the tyres, outside of the car, you could hear the panicked voices of bystanders, but all you could focus on was the blood that was now spread across your arms, unsure of where it was actually coming from. You weren’t in pain, at least you couldn’t feel any in that moment. Is that what shock feels like? You couldn’t think, but your eyes got heavy and you fought your hardest not to succumb to the darkness. 

Back at the station, the call was only just coming in. The alarm blared throughout the station, alerting the team to the call. They were quick to jump into action, grabbing their gear and piling themselves into their assigned trucks. Eddie and Buck sat beside each other, speaking casually between themselves about what had happened earlier. “Just give her some time, she’ll come around. For her, two of the people she loves most are at risk everyday, you’ve gotta imagine it can’t be easy. It’s a risky job as it is, and when you put yourself into riskier situations without needing to, it decreases the chance of making it home at the end. She’s scared. Just talk to her.” Eddie attempted to reassure Buck, who was feeling terrible. He couldn’t shake the image of your face from his mind, the face that showed disappointment in his actions. Before Buck could respond, the truck halted and the team jumped out, ready to give help where needed. Buck stopped in his tracks as an all too familiar car was crushed before him. He tried not to panic, hoping that his suspicions were wrong. His eyes flicked to the number plate and his heart stopped. His feet were moving before his mind could catch up. He shouted your name, drawing Eddies attention. It took Eddie a few seconds to process what was happening. You had not long left the station, it couldn’t possibly be you. Right?

Buck arrived to your car first, nausea washed over him as he caught sight of your injured body. “Y/N? Hey, it’s me. I’m here.” You weren’t completely aware of what was happening, your eyes opened with a struggle. Your movements were weak as you turned your head to look at him. “Buck?” You spoke quietly, not completely aware of the situation at hand. “Don’t move, try and keep still.” He tried to remain as calm as he could, he didn’t want to scare you any more, he was terrified himself. Eddie ran right over to the car, his heart racing as he feared what he would find. His first instinct was to check the back seat, relief finally washing over him as he saw no sign of Christopher. Still, he needed to make sure, “Y/N, was Chris in the car?” 

You shook your head, “Carlas.” Eddie felt a weight off his shoulders, knowing his son was safe. The weight soon came back when he saw the condition you were in. Your eyes rolled back, and you fell into unconsciousness. Bobby was running the scene, assigning Hen and Chim to medically assist you, and he grabbed the gear to support Buck and Eddie in freeing you from the car. Buck didn’t want to let go of your hand, but he knew he had to in order to get you out sooner. The team worked tirelessly, ensuring to be as careful as possible. Bobby handed the halligan to Buck, “Buck, you focus on getting the doors open. Diaz, grab the saw and be on standby.” 

Buck groaned as he tried to pry the doors open, with no results, “Roofs too dented Cap, I can’t get it open.” Bobby nodded, and turned to Eddie, “Saws it is. Get in there Diaz, Buck, you too.” The roof was off in no time, Hen and Chim jumped straight in and equipped you with a neck brace, and got the back board in place to move you. Hen checked your vitals quickly, trying to make sure you were steady enough to be moved. “I’ve got a faint pulse, we gotta move.” They moved you out of you car quickly, and transferred you to the ambulance. “Trauma to the abdomen, possible internal bleeding. I’ll let the hospital know we’re en route.” Buck jumps into the back of the ambulance with Chimney, and instantly takes your hand in his. Hen places herself into the drivers seat, putting the ambulance into 911 mode and begins the journey as fast as she can to the nearest hospital. 

Buck hated seeing you like this. He was filled with anxiety, the nausea constantly there as he studied your visible injuries. His heart sank with every second that went by, the more he thought about you laying there almost lifeless, expecting you to flatline any second now. “I’m sorry baby, we can’t leave things like this. I need you to get through this so I can apologise to you. I know I’m not the easiest person to love, and I also know that I’m the biggest pain in the ass, but I love you, and I need you. Please.” Buck sobbed as he held your hand tighter. Time seemed to be going extremely slow for Buck, yet moments later Hen was pulling up at the hospital. You were rushed in, Hen spewed all your information to the nurses as you were wheeled in and handed over. Buck, Hen and Chimney stood there as you were wheeled out of sight. One of the nurses stopped Buck from running after you, and he sat defeated in the waiting room. The rest of the team arrived soon after, Eddies face was similar to Bucks. Eddie spoke first, “Any update?” The lack of response from Buck had him on edge, fearing the worst. Luckily, Chimney filled the silence. “There’s no update, but no news it almost always good news.” 

Eddie placed his hand on Bucks shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze before sitting down next to him. “How’re you holding up?” Buck didn’t look up, instead he kept his head in his hands. He couldn’t respond, he couldn’t trust his voice not to give out. His leg bounced anxiously, and despite not talking, his feelings were painfully obvious. Eddie could empathise, he knew exactly what was going through Bucks mind. It was happening to him too, but he concealed it as much as he could, knowing Buck needed him. “You know, each time we’re sat in these chairs, it never gets easier. You don’t have to talk, I get it. I think you should know that I’m right here for you, I understand. Y/N is going to be okay, that I have no doubt about. She’s my sister, and us Diaz’s, we don’t back down. We fight.” Eddie continues talking, and he’s not sure whether he’s trying to convince Buck or himself. 

A few hours go by, and the team are waiting as patiently as they can for an update. Maddie had arrived some time ago, and was sat with Buck. She was not only there to support her brother, but also her brothers girlfriend, who Maddie had claimed as her best friend shortly after meeting her. Bobby hands a coffee to Buck and Eddie, who hadn’t moved from their seats since arriving. This changed moments later as a nurse approached, making them stand. Buck felt as if his legs were going to give way any second. The nurse cleared her throat, “She’s stable. She’s incredibly lucky to have made it out with the injuries she did, it could’ve been a lot worse. She’s awake, if you’d like to go see her.” 

Buck didn’t stick around to hear whatever else the nurse had to say, he darted through the corridor until he got to your room. He stopped to take a deep breath, and stepped inside. He was scared to look at you, all he could picture was you covered in blood still. His head shot up as he heard a voice, your voice to be exact, “Buck?” 

He was by your bedside in a blink of an eye, taking your hand in his. His eyes wandered over your body, taking in each of your injuries. His heart broke a little more with each one. He finally looked you in the eyes, and that’s when it hit him. His eyes filled up with tears, “Y/N…”

“Hey, don’t cry. I’m fine, see. I’m right here.” You gave his hand a squeeze, trying to give him the reassurance he needed. Buck took a seat close to your bed, your hand in his and against his lips. You move your hand up to his cheek and wipe his tears, Buck practically melted into your touch. “I really thought I had lost you.” 

“I’m right here, I’m not going anywhere. I need to apologise for my reaction earlier, that could’ve been our last conversation earlier and left without saying goodbye, or telling you how much I love you.” 

Buck shook his head, “You have nothing to apologise for, I’m the one that owes you an apology. I’m sorry that I’m not more careful when I’m out on a call, I shouldn’t be that reckless. I’m sorry that I can’t promise to walk through that door every night, safe and unscathed. I can appreciate how you feel now, and I promise I’ll try my hardest to be more careful. I love you, and I don’t want you ever feeling anything close to what I’ve felt today.” You wince as you sit up, making Buck panic. You push through the pain, and pull Buck to you. “Come here.” He stands from his chair and leans down to kiss you quickly. He carefully moves your hair from your face, ensuring he doesn’t touch any of your cuts or bruises. 

“I love you too, and even though I’m petrified that you won’t make it home one day, I trust that you’ll try everything in your power to make sure you do. I’m proud of you, Evan.” As you spoke, Buck smiled to himself. A sense of relief washed over him. Before he could respond, you continued. “So… does this mean I can finally get a new car now?” 

Buck chuckled, “You’re a pain in the ass, Diaz.” 

“Takes one to know one, Buck.”

A/N: So, I think I rewrote this like 10 times. Its been a while since I've done any writing, so please bare with me while I figure out my writing style again. Any criticism is welcome, I appreciate the feedback.

#911 abc #911 x reader #911 fox #911 imagine #9 1 1 fanfiction #911 spoilers #911 show #evan buck buckley #eddie diaz #evan buckley #evan buckley x reader #evan buckley imagine #abc 911 #buck x reader #eddie diaz x reader #eddie diaz imagine #oliver stark #911 on abc #chimney han #911 chimney #maddie and buck #Maddie and chimney #bobby nash #henrietta wilson #athena grant #bobby x athena #buckley han family #buck x eddie #Diaz!Reader

[calisources]

𝐅𝐀𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐈𝐀𝐑 𝐁𝐄𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐘𝐀𝐋, 𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐌𝐈𝐄𝐒 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐂 𝐁𝐄𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐘𝐀𝐋 𝐐𝐔𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒.

All quotes are taken from different media about betrayal, heartbreak and future betrayal or the art of it. Some quotes include some foul language so please beware. Change names, pronouns, locations as you see fit for your muses.

It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend.

The mistake was mine, for trusting you.

For there to be betrayal, there would have to have been trust first.

I used to advertise my loyalty and I suffered the consequences of it.

I used to open my heart easily, until you broke it.

Why did you despise me?

 You loved me - what right had you to leave me?

He would have killed me.

Then you should’ve died. Died rather than betray your friends, as we would have done for you.

I think I realized that I would rather die because I betrayed them, than live because I betrayed you.

Stab the body and it heals, but injure the heart and the wound lasts a lifetime.

It's hard to tell who has your back, from who has it long enough just to stab you in it.

What was it that you wanted and why didn't you fight for it?

But... do you stop loving someone just because they betray you? 

That's what makes the betrayal hurt so much - pain, frustration, anger... and I still loved her. I still do.

 Maybe I was safe to you, and you needed to feel that.

I could never hurt him enough to make his betrayal stop hurting.

You are going to break your promise. I understand. 

When someone stabs you in the back and then apologizes, accept the apology, but don't give him the knife back to do it again.

I will forget you as soon as my head lays on someone else's arms. 

I would have taken a bullet for you. It just never crossed my mind that you would be the one to shoot.

Don't be nice. Be loyal. Nice can be faked. Loyalty can not.

You got betrayed because love turned you blind.

Don't punish yourself for trusting people and getting betrayed. It's not your fault.

What is more important, that Caesar is assassinated or that he is assassinated by his intimate friends?

It hurts to breathe. It hurts to live. I hate her, yet I do not think I can exist without her.

Was it all in my head?

You are enough to drive a saint to madness or a king to his knees.

Some people are in such utter darkness that they will burn you just to see a light. 

Her only way home was to betray her friend.

I risked, and I lost, but the risk was still worth it.

Could a marriage be happy, standing on a shaky ground of adultery and a disregard for the wife’s feelings? 

When dealing with love and relationship. Hurting and betraying a great woman can lead you to a painful life of regret.

I once met a man who didn't have a heart. He told me he didn't have one.

Do not give your ears to snake they are legless to stand on their own.

Even as your body betrays you, your mind denies it.

When you care about someone, you can’t just turn that off because you learn they betrayed you.

You believed me incapable of hurting you, and yet I did.

I would rather my enemy's sword pierce my heart then my friend's dagger stab me in the back.

Do you ever wonder, do you, why I loved you for such a long time, and still didn’t really know you?

False friends, like weeds, try very hard to appear genuine.

Some scars don't hurt. Some scars are numb. Some scars rid you of the capacity to feel anything ever again.

Whoever controls the king, controls the kingdom.

A man sleeps with another woman, he is praised for it, a woman does the same, she is labeled as a whore.

Innocence like yours attracts snakes, and all they want is a piece of you.

I didn’t know that you were ashamed of me.

My past. My mistake. My regret. My love.

The easiest way to steal something is for it to be given willingly.

I don't want to fall in love with you, because you will use it against me.

Cal betrayed me, and I betrayed him. And you betrayed both of us, in a thousand different ways.

Betrayal isn't ridiculous. It's the reason empires fall.

She is an able negotiator and a strong ally.

That is for what you did to me.

Not as the faceless lover. Not even for today when you made love to me... or perhaps we should call it 'fucking', since there was nothing loving about it, only manipulation

Do you know why he did what he did to you? Because he could.

You’re my prey tonight.

You should’ve paid attention. Princesses don’t trust the dragons, they fall pray of it.

A son for a son, heh. But that's a grandson...and he never was much use.

I can love what is broken.

She is intent on pleasing the men that frighten her.

I’ve given my loyalty before. Too many times now. Always works out the same.

You’ve been moving your lips, but I’ve not heard a word.

I would betray you a thousandfold for her.

A woman should not be trusted. Specially one with such beauty and doesn’t even realize they have.

Because you needed to know that not everything was a lie.

Did he touch you like this?

Yes, but that's how he always touches me. He would n-never…

Maven is his mother's son.

I gave him so much-parts of myself I didn't even know were there.

The only betrayal I ever did was being my mother’s child.

We made a bargain. I give you over, and he agrees to let my forces enter Prythian through his territory.

Having faith in your spouse does not lead to trust, truth does.

You may not have loved me,but I loved you, and my love was never a lie.

I hope I never meet the guy that did this to you.

If there is a marriage and your husband loves you, there is no other woman. 

From his vantage point on the deck, the commoners were ants.

I will never make the mistake of loving you ever again.

Why the hell would you save that motherfucker’s life?

The only one you protected was yourself.

Yes. I did protect myself. It was about damn time I learned to do that.

Betraying someone once can be a mistake. Betraying someone twice is a choice.

My brother needs to watch where he steps while doing so. And on whom he steps.

You ended one life, but I got another in me.

You think I betrayed you.

You're nothing but a bad habit.

Can’t have love without lust.

Be careful who you follow and treat everyone who come to you as if the have an agenda towards you.

Break his crown, break his throne, rip his monarchy apart.

#roleplay memes #sentence meme #( cali meme. ) #rp memes #rp prompt #rp musings #roleplay prompt #betrayal prompts #romantic betrayal prompts

[hellishgayliath]

Clem’s Log

Hi big brother. Today’s March 10th I think? I’m not so great at remembering dates but Papa was dead set on it because that’s your birthday, it’s amazing how he’s able to remember stuff like that after all this time.

I know it’s been a while since we talked, ever since you left I had to take over bird scout duties and just never had the time to sit down and write. Everyone’s been on edge. Y’know I still hold onto that jar of cinnamon sticks you gave me. Started chewing on them out of habit whenever the anxiety and dread was getting to my head. They taste just like home..

…

Um..

Papa told me he saw you again.

When he and a couple of the others were out on patrol with Mr. Leo and big sis Luci I mean COUSIN SERGEANT Luci haha, I think she’d resent me calling her that but I know she secretly adores me.

…

They said.. they said when they saw you you were.. already turned.

You knucklehead I guess that’s why you left in the first place but to leave without saying anything to anybody?! You know Uncle Mikey would’ve helped you like he did with the others that were infected. Or did you already know that it would’ve been pointless? Don’t you at least owe your own little sister a goodbye?! Dummy dum dumdum..

…

…

Papa thought he could somehow magically get through to you, y’know make you remember who you were before life went crazy.

I heard from Mr. Leo that Luci tried to stop Papa from acting like a idiot and getting himself killed. But she ended up getting hurt instead.

Bad.

…

…

Next thing Papa knew, you and Luci were on the ground, with only one of you moving. Judging by Mr. Leo’s face when I saw him come in, he looked very torn and distraught about a very tough call he had to make. I can already guess what it was he had to do. Cousin Luci is in rough shape but insists on rejecting any medical help saying it’d just be a waste of time and resources. Doesn’t she know we’re just trying to help her? The dumdum… Don’t tell her I called her that. I just don’t want to lose her too.

…

Papa said he could’ve sworn he saw a little smile on your face when he cradled you. Maybe that’s you finally realizing you’re not being controlled by those monsters anymore and can now be at peace knowing you can’t hurt anybody else. At least that’s how I see it. It must have been terrifying to go through that alone.

…

It’s not fair it’s not fair it’s not FAIR IT’S NOT FAIR

They said they couldn’t even bring your body back because of safety reasons and that it would put the base at risk of being tracked so I couldn’t even get to see you one last time!

I miss my big brother, I miss your dumb goofy smile, I miss us having bug eating competitions and laughing at you nearly choking on a beetle, I miss falling asleep on each other while watching tv, I miss seeing you chase after the raccoons with a broomstick whenever they raided our trash cans, I miss the dogs, I miss the taste of fresh fruit, I miss our HOME! I just want this nightmare to be done with. I’m just so.. tired..

…

Papa told me they at least gave him the chance to make a grave for you and to say his goodbyes. I should’ve been there with him saying them together.

He just looks so defeated and sad. I insisted to him that we at least put together a funeral service for you so the rest of us can say our peace.

…

It was nice.

Uncle Mikey and Bao combined their powers to transform the room into a beautiful recreation of a lush meadow full of butterflies and yellow daffodils while Mr. Tello played some lovely music he still had saved recorded in his tech. It was so tranquil it almost makes you forget for a second you’re in an apocalyptic hell scape.

I think you would've loved it.

…

…

Talk to you again soon and happy birthday you numbskull. I love you.

I miss you..

#rottmnt #rottmnt leo #rottmnt mikey #rottmnt Todd #bad future timeline #rottmnt ocs #my ocs #my art #Clementine the opossum #pico opossum #bao the tanuki #luci the moth #tw death #tw sibling death #tw blood #bao also loses hearing in his left ear so donnie makes him a hearing aid #i imagine at this time they had also lost raph #so mike understands clem as a younger sibling who also lost their oldest aibling completely and is more than happy to do the service for he #Happy birthday to my special lil guy #i think a proper break is in order after this ive been drawing for a week straight #i am very very tired i lost sleep over this and actively tried to make myself sad with sad songs #to get in the vibe for this

[yelena-bellova]

Twenty Years Later: Joel Miller x F!Reader - Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Sixteen: The Great Sin

Plot: Joel and Y/n, separated once again, are told the truth about the cost that will come with creating a cure.

Word Count: 7.4k

Warnings: canon violence, drug abuse, language, blood, guns, needles, loss of a child, ptsd, (16+)

A/N: Well, we’re almost to the end 🥲 I can’t believe there’s only one chapter after this and then it’s over. Rather than think about that, I’m going to focus on letting y’all enjoy this one ❤️

As always, this series is 16+ and I will not be adding anyone to the taglist that does not have their age/range in their bio. This is also the last chance to be added to the list!

Alrighty, let’s finish it out strong, y’all ❤️❤️❤️

—————

Y/n woke with her head throbbing.

Before her eyes even opened, her brain splitting from the pain she couldn’t remember earning. In the darkness of her lids, she slowly drew on her last fuzzy memories.

Puns.

Flash bomb.

Ellie screaming.

Y/n’s eyes flew open, pushing up on her elbow and feeling a stab of pain through her abdomen.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”

Blinking until her vision was clear, Y/n looked across to room to see Marlene leant up against the wall.

“We gave you a shot for your ribs,” she continued, “But it’s not magic.”

“Yeah, well, maybe you should’ve put out a PSA,” Y/n replied groggily, the force of the flash bomb coming back to her.

Marlene smiled thinly, “Could’ve found a phone along the way.”

Y/n bristled at the joke, relieved to see her comrade alive.

“Gotta admit,” Marlene crossed her arms, “I didn’t expect to see you all in one piece. Figured you’d either run into raiders or you and Joel would go the double-homicide route.”

Y/n held her belly as she attempted to sit up. “Almost did,” she groaned, “A few times.”

“Well,” Marlene gestured to Y/n, watching her with honest eyes, “I underestimated you. You did good.”

Y/n wanted to accept the praise, having finally proven herself as a fighter, but was single-minded in her thoughts. “Where’s Joel?”

“Recovering in another room,” Marlene answered, “His vitals are good, just hasn’t woken up yet.”

Nodding, Y/n carefully swung her legs over the side of the bed, ”When he wakes up, tell him to come find me? Ellie’s probably worried sick…”

“Where are you going?” Marlene asked.

Y/n stopped to take a breath, whatever medicine they’d given her hadn’t kicked in yet. “To see Ellie,” she answered plainly, “She’s okay, right?”

Marlene sighed with dread, knowing whatever was about to happen wouldn’t be pleasant. But she also had a one-track mind, and it was humming a different tune than Y/n’s.

“She’s fine,” she replied, her tone having shifted to instill a false calm, “She’s being prepped for surgery.”

Y/n’s brow furrowed in confusion, “Surgery? I thought they were just taking her blood?”

“It’s…” Marlene said with a heaviness to her tone, “A little more complicated than that.”

Even though the ache in Y/n’s temples was dizzying, it didn’t take her long to connect the dots as to why it would require surgery to facilitate the vaccine.

And she felt the floor go out from under her when she did.

She looked up to Marlene, barely able to even shake her head, “No…”

Marlene bit her lip, turning her gaze from Y/n and to the floor.

“No…” Y/n repeated, her voice low, “N-no…you wouldn’t.”

Marlene’s painful silence sliced through her.

“Are you kidding me?” Y/n’s volume grew loud with anger, giving her the strength to stand, “You made me risk my life for that girl for three fucking months just so you can kill her?!”

“She wouldn’t have come here with anyone other than you,” Marlene replied calmly, “She trusts you.”

“So you used me,” Y/n’s eyes widened with rage, “You knew I cared about her, you knew I’d do it.”

“You’re not looking at the big picture,” Marlene interjected, taking a step forward but not moving any closer to Y/n, “We get the vaccince, we save millions. We save the millions to come. We can bring the world back to what-“

The rest of Marlene’s words died to the ringing in Y/n’s ears. She braced one of her hands against her bed, feeling as if her knees were going to buckle.

Throughout her time in the Fireflies, Marlene had never entrusted Y/n with as much information as other recruits. It wasn’t for doubt of Y/n’s interests, but rather Marlene thinking Y/n was incapable of handling it. She’d always been slow to pull the trigger, something that had in any other world would have made her merciful. Marlene had only ever seen it as weakness.

Marlene’s opinion of Y/n wasn’t lost on her, she felt it on a daily basis. But to make her travel from one side of the country to another, witholding the sickening truth of what she was doing from her, that was a new brand of cruel.

“She’s going to fix everything,” were the first words of Marlene’s that broke through Y/n’s spinning thoughts.

Her head shot up, staring daggers at Marlene, “You don’t get to make that decision for her.”

“And you do?” Marlene replied, “What gives you the right to choose her fate?”

“Did you ask her?” Y/n inquired, the building rage beginning to seep out of her, “No, y’know what? I can tell by your face that you didn’t.”

“She doesn’t know,” Marlene could feel control over the conversation slipping, she needed to deescalate it quickly, “She’s not going to feel anything.”

“YOU’RE KILLING,” Y/n yelled as loud as her lungs would let her, “A FUCKING CHILD!”

At the last word, two guards stationed outside Y/n’s door marched in, their rifles cocked downards, but ready to strike.

Y/n was quickly starting to understand the gravity of her situation.

Marlene held out a hand to Y/n, as if trying to ease a carnivorous animal. “Do you think I want to do this? Do you not think that I’ve looked for any other option-“

“No,” Y/n shook her head, “I don’t think you have.”

“I knew her mother, Y/n,” Marlene spoke a little louder, “I was there when she was born, and I had to put a bullet in my best friend’s head because she was infected. I promised to keep her child safe. I do not want to do this,” she paused, collecting herself, “But it’s my only choice.”

Three months prior, hearing such a personal story would have meant something to Y/n. Now, it only served to illuminate the true colors of her comrade. Marlene, so blinded by her determination to restore the earth, had allowed her drive to turn to ruthlessness and morph into heartlessness.

“No,” Y/n said, fighting back tears at the thought of Ellie lying unconscious somehwere in the hospital, “Look me in the eye and tell me her mother would want this,” she waited, until impatience won out, “LOOK AT ME!”

Marlene was a lot of things, blunt was one of them. She looked up to Y/n’s red face, unaware of the storm her words were about to trigger, “You’re not her mother.”

The waves in Y/n’s body both crashed and fell at the statement. It was twenty years all over again.

“Take me to Joel,” she swallowed her tears, “I want to see Joel.” When Marlene averted her gaze once again, Y/n could feel some other essential piece of truth shift into darkness. “Marlene,” she gritted out, “Where’s Joel?”

“He’s gone,” Marlene answered, “He left as soon as he knew that you and Ellie were okay.”

Y/n lip quivered with fury, the lies were so clear now. Joel and her hadn’t gone through all they had, made the promises they did only for him to abandon her and Ellie. “No. He wouldn’t do that.”

“I don’t know what you want to hear,” Marlene said, “But he’s gone.”

It was then that Y/n realized she was no longer a Firefly, but a prisoner.

With the last shred of her future slipping being ripped away from her, Y/n’s fury took over. She lunged towards Marlene, one of the soldiers surging forward and shoving her back onto the bed. Y/n cried out in pain, clutching her stomach as the barrel of the rifle was drawn on her.

“Don’t,” Marlene ordered the guard, “She’s already hurt.”

Y/n could no longer hold in her sobs. Ellie had been fooled into dying for a solution they didn’t even know was guaranteed, Joel was being forced to leave them behind, and she was essentially being held hostage by those she’d once trusted with her life.

“You keep her here,” Marlene continued speaking to the guards as if the pain was too incapacitating for Y/n to have any presence of mind, “Lock the doors. Don’t let her out until she calms down.”

Still weeping from both the ache in her ribs and the turn of events, Y/n nearly didn’t open her eyes when she heard Marlene’s boot steps come towards her.

“I know you care about her,” Marlene said softly, “She cares about you too. But there’s such a thing as caring too much…and I’m sorry.”

Through her tears, Y/n watched as her one-time friend walked out the door, washing her hands of the matter.

“You motherfucker,” Y/n growled, getting her feet as the guards exited the room, “You fucking murderer!”

As the door shut and locked on her, Y/n began to bang her fists against the 8x10 pane of glass, “YOU FUCKING MURDERER! YOU MOTHERFUCKING MURDERER!”

Y/n screamed at the top of her lungs, hot tears pouring down her face as three months of love and care wilted at her feet.

—————————

In reality, Joel was on the next floor down, fighting for his, Y/n and Ellie’s futures. He knew that the love of his life would never roll over and allow them to take Ellie’s life.

“Where’s Y/n?”

Marlene sighed at the question, contrary to what she was sure her reputation was, deception didn’t come easily to her. But she did what she had to for her cause.

There had always been a fire in Y/n, however tamed it was by her more virtuous qualities. Marlene had kept a careful eye on the blaze, never thinking it would spread too far. But there’d been a change in Y/n since they’d last seen each other in Boston, and she was certain her love for Ellie and time spent with Joel had brought it out in her. If they had survived three months in the ruins of civilization, they were dangerous. They needed to be kept apart if the surgery was to be a success.

“She’s decided to stay,” Marlene locked in her story, “She wants to see this through all the way.”

Joel didn’t believe for 1/8th of a second that Y/n would have lied to him. He’d looked in her eyes and watched twenty years of history dance across her irises. He could feel the weight of their future inside his chest, glowing gold with hope. There was no way after all they’d been through that she would walk away from him, just like that…

“No, you take me to ‘em,” he demanded, rising from the bed, “You take me to ‘em right now!”

One of Marlene’s guards came forward and used the butt of his rifle to knock him to the ground. Joel grunted and coughed on his hands and knees, his mind spinning with fear.

“Please,” he begged of Marlene, “You don��t understand.”

“I do,” Marlene said solemnly, reciting a less emotional variation of the story she’d told Y/n five minutes prior, “I was there when she was born, Joel. I promised her mom that I would save her child, I promised,” she paused to swallow back the lump rising in her throat, “So I do understand. I’m the only one who understands. I’m sorry,” she shook her head, “I have no other choice.”

Joel was a lot of things, but a coward wasn’t one of them. He glared up at Marlene, subtly threatening, “I do.”

Marlene looked exasperated, like his fight was some obstacle in her path to roll her eyes at. “Walk him out to the highway,” she ordered the soldiers, “Leave him there with his pack. Give him this,” she unclipped Ellie’s pocketknife from her belt, turning her stare to Joel, “He tries anything…shoot him.”

Joel, dazed from the knowledge that Ellie and Y/n were being held somewhere, was forced to his feet. The soldiers pushed him out of the room, picking his backpack up on the way out, and shoved him down the hall.

All the while, Joel was carefully constructing his plan.

—————————

Y/n sat with her back to the door, twisting her arm to hit the wood with what little energy she had left. She had sobbed and screamed to be let out until her voice was rendered raw.

She had failed. Failed Ellie. Failed Joel. Failed herself.

She wondered if this was her punishment for what she’d done to her family. If for each life she’d taken, she’d lose somebody in return.

She thought of Sarah, her death that seemed to be written in some fucked up universe’s stars, and how she ached for the future she’d never live. The proms, the graduations, coming home from college during holidays, getting engaged, getting married, having kids…all of it. Or none of it. Her choices would have determined her story and whichever path she’d have chosen, it would have been beautiful.

Ellie had been deprived of so many choices in life, and now she was being deprived of choosing whether she lived or died.

By deciding to let Ellie give her life for a cause that wasn’t even hers, the Fireflies were no better than FEDRA. Marlene was making the same calls that the government had made in the first few days of the outbreak. Who got to go to the QZs and who died in a ditch on the side of a road, whose life had lasting value and who was disposable. It sickened Y/n’s stomach and made her wish she had never joined at all.

Since meeting Ellie, Y/n had often contemplated the ghost of the girl’s mother. Having filled the role herself and feeling like Sarah had been carved from her own ribs, she couldn’t imagine what it was like to carry a child, birth her, and then lose her somewhere along the way…now, all she could think of was what Ellie’s mother would do if she were trapped as Y/n was. Would she fight? Would she break the glass with her fist and take on the guards? Or was she just cruel enough to sacrifice her daughter for the greater good? Could Y/n have left Sarah to die if, in some way, she’d held the key to the planet’s salvation?

Y/n took a deep breath, her mind the clearest it had been since waking up.

No parent would let their child die, no matter the circumstances.

And neither could she.

—————————

Joel paused in front of the hospital directory, eyes scanning over the levels and their corresponding departments. He was two floors away from pediatric surgery, and unknowingly, one floor away from where Y/n was being held.

“I didn’t hear anyone say ‘stop,’” one of the Fireflies behind him growled.

Joel glanced down the hall, “Which way?”

“Down the stairs,” the soldier answered, shoving Joel towards the stairwell.

With each flight Joel marched down, he was completing calculations in his mind. How quick did he have to move to take out both guardsmen? Which gun would be easier to reach? Did he rescue Ellie first or find Y/n and gain an extra pair of hands?

Once he decided, he let his steps slow until he came to a complete stop.

“The fuck are you doin’? Keep walking.”

Joel ignored the command.

“I said,” the Firefly grabbed Joel’s shoulder, “Keep walkin’-“

Lightning fast, Joel spun around, elbowing the man in the neck and knocking him to the floor. He nabbed his rifle as he fell, spinning around to shoot the second guard before he could even aim. Taking two steps back, he fired one shot into the first man’s leg.

“Fuck,” the soldier whimpered.

“Where are they?” Joel asked, his finger perfectly still against the trigger.

“Fuck you,” the Firefly growled.

Joel didn’t need his answer. Bill’s written words were etched in the caverns of his mind, about finding that one person to save. In Joel’s case, there were two people worth saving-

“I don’t have time for this,” he decided before planting a bullet in the man’s neck.

And he was doing it by any means necessary.

—————————

Y/n fiddled with her pocketknife in her hand, pacing the room as the pain in her ribs disappeared under the blanket of whatever medication Marlene had given her. She needed the guards outside her room to get pulled away so that she could pick the door’s lock. Once out, she had to steal a gun, find where Ellie was being held, figure out if Joel was still in the building and get them the hell out of dodge.

All she needed was a chance.

“Shots fired! Shots fired!”

The buzz of a radio caught Y/n’s ear, it pulled her to the door and she peered out the glass pane. The pencil stiff stance the soldiers had been maintaining was suddenly sharp with worry. One guard came running down the hall, shouting something Y/n couldn’t make out. Whatever it was caused her captors to charge down the hall as well. It was a threat that required every hand on deck.

Y/n nearly smiled, knowing exactly who could cause that kind of panic.

Slipping her blade into the lock, she fiddled with it until the door opened, freeing her. She threw her backpack over her shoulder, her eye catching on a tray balanced on the bedside table. It contained the used needle they’d already injected her with, plus one full syringe. Y/n picked up the two vials near the needles, one labeled ‘ibuprofen’ and one labeled ‘epinephrine.’

Y/n was weak, her body’s strength drained from trying to heal her ribs. There wasn’t any way she could fight her way out in her current state.

Without hesitation, she squeezed the flesh of her thigh and stabbed the needle through her jeans, discarding it on the floor after.

Drawing a deep breath, Y/n poked her head out the door, looking down each side of the hall before cutting across to the nurse’s station. She scanned the length of the counters for anything she could use as a weapon, finding only old papers and equipment. Distantly below her, she could hear gunfire.

“Hey,” a gruff voice shouted.

Y/n spun around, barely dropping to the floor before the Firefly soldier fired two shots at her. Crouched on the tile, she could feel the epinephrine beginning to kick in, bringing back the strength she’d lost in Silver Lake. She withdrew her knife once again, hiding behind the nurse’s station and listening to the footsteps of the Firefly come closer.

Y/n knew that to save what she loved, she would have to leave whatever was left of her humanity. The part of her that had hesitated to kill had to die by her own hands.

The soldier moved closer.

Closer…

The second his boot became visible, Y/n stabbed the knife through his foot, punching him in the chin when he bent down in pain. She got to her feet and ripped the rifle out of the Firefly’s hands, shooting him in the stomach after.

She stepped over his body, leaving him to bleed out.

—————————

Joel’s steps were inhumanly silent as he crept through the hospital. He fired each shot with machine-like precision, each Firefly falling to the floor, never to pick themselves back up.

Joel had killed countless times since the outbreak of Cordyceps and had felt a healthy dose of remorse. The innocent people he’d killed in his days as a Raider haunted him, much like they did Tommy, and he wasn’t sure he’d ever forget Y/n’s eyes as she’d watched him murder the FEDRA guard in Boston.

But as Joel stealthily made his way through the hospital, firing each bullet for the love of his life and the child they loved more than anything, he felt nothing.

—————————

Y/n had tried so hard to live as peacefully as the world would allow her. Despite joining the Fireflies, she never volunteered for first line of defense. If bombs were planted in the city, Y/n was the one counting them, not detonating them. As much as she’d hidden initially from Joel with bloody threats, she’d never committed any acts of violence unless they were absolutely necessary.

Marching down the hospital halls, tears pooled in her eyes with each kill she made until she was sobbing. Flashes of her parents, her siblings, her nephew, Sarah, played in her mind. Their innocence and their gruesome deaths she’d forever feel responsible for. Saving Ellie wouldn’t bring them back, but she couldn’t let another person she cared for die.

Red cheeked and puffy eyed, she murdered without hesitation, allowing love to turn her into a necessary monster.

—————————

Joel went from victim to victim, playing God and delivering their vicious, premature fates. Each time he ran out of ammo, he’d pick up the rifle of his last kill. It all flowed so sickeningly perfect.

He climbed the fourth floor stairwell, shooting the Fireflies attempting to sneak up on him before they knew what was going on. With his better ear, he could hear the gunfire on the floor he was approaching.

He wasn’t the only one putting up a fight.

As soon as Joel stepped onto the fifth floor, a barrage of bullets rained down around him. He ducked behind a wall, waiting for them to slow before running across to the other side of the hall. He let his ammo fly freely, taking down the Fireflies as sloppily as he needed to.

Just as he aimed at the final one, the soldier was kicked to the floor, Y/n stepping on his back and making a fatal shot.

Through his necessary numbness, Joel felt a rush of relief.

Y/n ignored every instinct she had to run into Joel’s arms and instead bent down, picking up the soldier’s rifle and the extra ammo off his belt. Joel did the same with a nearby body.

The two lovers met in the middle of the hall, their weapons resting against their chests, separating their bodies.

Twenty years ago, they were somewhere in a downtown bar, Joel trying to make her laugh and Y/n trying to pretend like she was perfectly capable of taking her eyes off of him. They were warm, they were happy, they were them.

Two decades later, they were stood in an abandoned hospital, rifles on their shoulders, blood on their clothes and vengeance in their eyes. They were bruised, they were broken, they were survivors.

They carried on the same way, shooting anyone who dared to get in their way as they climbed the building. Joel made the more gruesome kills, trying to spare Y/n what little pain he could, but Y/n was fearsome in her own right. The adrenaline from the epinephrine had heightened her senses, making her hyperaware of everything around her. If a Firefly so much as stepped an inch out from behind a wall, Y/n’s rifle was trained on him, not letting him live more than half a second.

Eventually, they made it.

The sixth floor.

With their sin all over them, Joel and Y/n walked down the hallway, passing the walls decorated with animal murals and creating a gruesome contrast. The glowing door at the end of the hall acted as their guiding light, the homing beacon they’d chased through the bloody battlefield they’d created.

Joel pushed the door open and they walked in, a window giving them a view into the operating room. Ellie was laid out on a table, a nurse was holding a gas mask to her face, drawing her into unconsciousness.

They were nearly too late.

Y/n, with adrenaline pumping through her veins, broke away from Joel and burst through the second set of doors. The doctor and nurses gasped in horror, jumping at the sudden sight.

“Unhook her,” Y/n growled, “Now.”

The doctor took a step towards Y/n, “How did you get in here?”

Joel was close behind her, Y/n’s speed drawing him out of his daze. “Unhook her,” he echoed.

The doctor nervously reached for a scalpel, holding it up to Joel and Y/n with shaking hands. “I won’t let you take her.”

He’d taken one step towards Y/n before Joel shot him, beating the epinephrine to protect her.

The nurses screamed and covered their ears, Y/n took it as her opportunity to move in on them.

“Un,” she enunciated, backing the women up towards Ellie’s bed, “Hook…her…now.”

“Move!” Joel shouted, keeping his gun drawn on them.

The nurses stepped to, unhooking Ellie’s various monitors and taking out her IV, a small stream of blood escaping the leftover hole. Joel couldn’t stand the sight of her bleeding.

“Cover her arm,” he ordered once again, “Fast.”

They obeyed and taped a piece of gauze to Ellie’s arm.

“Turn around,” Joel said as Y/n came back to stand beside him.

The nurses, shaking and whimpering in fear for their lives, did as they were told and turned their backs. Y/n kept her gun trained on them while Joel moved to Ellie, cupping the back of her neck and sitting her up. With the reassurance of her shallow breaths against his neck, his worst fear stayed buried twenty years in the past. He lifted Ellie into his arms delicately, his brutality melting to tenderness as soon as he’d touched her.

As Joel carried Ellie out of the room, Y/n stayed on his six and kept her gun aimed. She didn’t spare a glance at the doctor or the operating table as she left, unable to look at even one reminder of what could have been.

Joel and Y/n made it back down the hall, walking with the speed of criminals but the exhaustion of two people who had just laid waste to the world. Y/n tapped the elevator call button rapidly, the true effect of the epinephrine was starting to hit. She stumbled into the car behind Joel, smacking the button for the parking garage and leaned up against the wall. Her heart was slamming against her chest, sweat was pooling at her temples, her body was buzzing.

Joel peered over at her, concerned, and received a passive shake of the head.

“Is she okay?” Y/n whispered in between panting breaths.

“Yeah,” Joel mumbled, staring down at Ellie. The reality of the decision they’d made was beginning to hit them both.

They were dooming the world to save theirs.

The elevator gave them little time to think, dinging as it hit the bottom floor and opening its doors. Y/n stepped out ahead of Joel, her rifle pointed towards any threats lurking in the shadows. Joel spotted a parked and running car, the two of them made a beeline for the vehicle.

“You can’t keep her safe forever.”

Y/n spun around, Marlene stepped out from the darkness with her handgun drawn. Y/n didn’t hesitate to keep her rifle raised.

“No matter how hard you two try,” Marlene took slow, steady steps towards them, “No matter how many people you kill, she’s gonna grow up. And then you’ll die, she’ll leave. Then what? How long till she’s torn apart by Infected or murdered by raiders? Because she lives in a broken world that you could have saved.”

There was truth to what Marlene was saying, neither Joel nor Y/n could deny that.

“Maybe,” Joel answered, “But it isn’t for you to decide.”

“Or you two,” Marlene replied, her eyes flicking to Ellie, “So what would she decide, huh? ‘Cause I think she’d wanna do what’s right.”

Y/n nearly flinched, torn between Ellie’s fierce desire to protect and the plans she had for her future.

“And you know it,” Marlene’s gaze fell on Y/n, seeing the unsureness from her comrade. She slowly lowered her gun, “It’s not too late. Even now, even after what you two’ve done…we can still find a way.”

Y/n and Joel had lost everything to Cordyceps, one way or another. They’d lost their daughter, Y/n had lost her future with Joel and Tommy, her family, Joel had eventually lost Tommy, Tess, Bill and Frank…Cordyceps had taken anything and everything meaningful in their lives. They should have been first in line for advocating for a cure, and they would have been…

But nothing, not even the salvation of the world, was worth losing Ellie.

And that was what made it so easy for Y/n to shoot Marlene in the gut.

As soon as her former friend dropped to the floor, Y/n’s gun fell from her hands and her knees began to wobble. The room was spinning and her heartbeat was ramping up even further. The epinephrine was backfiring.

“No, no, no,” Joel mumbled, spinning around to put his back to Y/n as she fell forward, “Hold onto me.”

Y/n weakly reached around Joel’s neck and looped her arms around him.

Joel strained under the combination of Y/n and Ellie’s body weight, but his determination surpassed his body’s abilities. Carrying one and dragging the other, he fought his way to the truck. He shuffled Ellie in his arms to reach for the door, sliding her carefully into the backseat, before handling Y/n.

“What’s wrong?” Joel asked, twisting his body to take her into his arms, “What’s happening?”

Y/n, beginning to lose her grip on consciousness, shook her head once again and let her head loll against Joel’s shoulder.

“Hang on, hang on, honey,” Joel hurried, growing panicked that her injury had finally gotten to her and torn an organ, “Just hang on for me.”

Joel blindly reached for the passenger side door, he lifted Y/n with a grunt and placed her carefully in the seat. Brushing his hand against her cheek, he wiped the sweat off her skin.

“Rose,” Joel called in a rush as Y/n’s eyes began to flutter shut, slapping her face a few times, “Rose, honey, come on. Stay with me.”

A groan from behind them drew Joel’s attention and got Y/n to open her eyes. The two of them shared a knowing look, Joel swallowing harshly before dragging his fingers down Y/n’s perspiring cheek and unholstering his gun.

Y/n’s gaze followed him as he walked away from her, through the haze of the drugs, she felt some semblance of guilt. Not enough to make her call Joel’s name and ask he show mercy towards Marlene, but some little inkling of guilt that stood the chance at gnawing at her conscience if she ever came back to lucidity.

In the seconds before the bullet released from its chamber, Y/n memorialized her time with the Fireflies. She grieved their attempts to save Boston in the dark of night. The kids they’d lost in the fight, so eager to help, like Riley. All the battles that had seemed like part of something grander that now felt meaningless, now having seen the end goal. If death only bred death, and violence only bred violence, then perhaps there was truth to the old saying…the road to hell was paved with good intentions.

She tried, she thought, as a few tears escaped her eyes, she’d tried so hard to make a difference…

It had just been with the wrong people.

Joel fired one shot

Y/n was freed.

Joel hurried back to the truck and to Y/n’s side, her eyes were now shut and her pulse was slapping against her neck.

“Honey, come on,” Joel said softly, trying to calm both of them down, “I need you to take some deep breaths. Nice and slow.”

“Drive,” Y/n breathed, her heart practically beating out of her chest. Regardless of whether the epinephrine was going to kill her or not, they needed to escape.

Joel hesitated before pressing a kiss to Y/n’s forehead and shutting her door. He ran around the car, slamming its hood down and jumping in the driver’s seat. The keys were still in the ignition, there was nearly a full tank of gas. They were going to make it.

Joel looked over to Y/n, who had gone limp in her seat.

“Rose,” Joel practically shouted, reaching over to feel his love’s wrist, still feeling her pulse working overtime, “Honey, c’mon, wake up.”

“Drive, Joel,” Y/n slurred, her head slumped against her seat.

Joel did as requested and put the truck in drive, maneuvering them through the parking garage. All the while, he kept one trembling hand on Y/n’s knee, her rifle knocking against his knuckles each time they hit a speed bump. He didn’t know if by saving Ellie’s life, he was going to lose Y/n’s, and for once, Joel wanted a win. A full win. He didn’t want to sacrifice one more person.

The garage’s exit lay at the end of a long stretch of tunnel, the glow of daylight approaching faster and faster as Joel drove. Their three month journey would come to a close and his sins would see sunlight. And while anyone else would have said it had all been in vain, to risk one’s life to save humanity only to decide that humanity wasn’t worth the asking price, it wasn’t a waste. Not to Joel.

He glanced in the dashboard mirror, Ellie’s sleeping form in the backseat.

He looked over the glovebox, Y/n’s chest finally beginning to rise and fall at a steadier pace.

He would have done it all over again.

Every.

Single.

Part.

—————————

In a puddle of her own sweat, Y/n came to a few hours later, her head leaned up against the truck window. She blinked a few times, adjusting to the sunlight, and took stock of the rapidly moving landscape. There were forest trees and mountains in the distance.

“Hey,” Joel said, wrapping his hand around Y/n’s thigh.

“Hey,” she mumbled back, looking over to Joel, “Where are we?”

“Just outside of Wyoming,” he answered, rubbing his thumb across her jeans with a deep need to touch her, to assure himself she was okay. “Still a couple hours till we get to Tommy’s.”

Y/n hummed and nodded weakly, trying to look into the backseat at Ellie

“She’s been in and out,” Joel said, keeping his eyes focused on the road, “I told her about the raiders.”

Confusedly scrunching her brows, Y/n glanced back over at Joel.

“Attackin’ the hospital,” Joel continued, his pleading eyes drifting to his partner, “And about the tests they ran on her.”

“Yeah,” Y/n mumbled, reading Joel’s facial cues and coming to some understanding. She needed to be filled in on where she fit into the story.

Joel rubbed his hand over Y/n’s leg, “Get some sleep. I’ll wake ya when we’re close.”

There was so much she wanted to say, but her thoughts were too groggy to string more than two or three words together. With one scan of Joel’s clenched jaw and tired gaze, Y/n could tell he was feeling something similar. There’d be time for talking and setting their story straight, but for now, Y/n could close her eyes once more and settle into the knowledge that they were going home.

—————————

The next day, the car decided it had carried them far enough and the woods of Wyoming was where they’d part ways.

Joel examined the engine, a useless task considering they didn’t have the tools to repair anything, while Ellie and Y/n sat in the car.

“Well, she got us close enough,” Joel announced, coming around to the driver’s side, “We gotta walk the rest of the way. Probably about a five-hour hike,” he hung on the car door in front of Ellie, “But we can manage that. Remember?”

Ellie scanned her memories, bringing up their third day together, in the Massachusetts woods. She smiled, “Yeah.”

“Easy for you to say,” Y/n grunted as she used the backseat door to pull herself out of her seat, “You’re not walking around with two cracked fuckin’ ribs and a headache the size of Texas.”

“What happened to you back there anyway?” Ellie finally asked, Y/n had slept nearly the whole drive thus far. This was the longest she’d stayed awake.

“I did drugs,” Y/n replied honestly, having everything and nothing to hide.

“We’ll take it slow,” Joel promised, looping an arm around Y/n’s waist and kissing her forehead, “Take breaks.”

Y/n chuckled, “There’s a hot shower and a bed waiting on the other side of this fucking mountain,” she pointed up at the first hill they’d have to climb, “If anything, we’re shaving time off this thing.”

Joel smiled at the woman, who was already pulling Ellie to her feet and marching in the direction of their starting point.

As they hiked, Y/n’s energy started to go downhill again, and the painkillers she’d been given at the hospital had completely worn off. She leaned on Joel eventually, letting him brace some of her weight during the steeper portions.

Ellie, while concerned for Y/n’s wellbeing, was even more quiet than before they’d reached the hospital.

“Y’know, Sarah and I used to hike like this all the time,” Joel broke the silence and looked back to Ellie.

Y/n tilted her head towards Joel in surprise. It was the first time he’d brought up his daughter on his own accord…ever.

“I wouldn’t say it was her favorite thing. She wasn’t a fan of the mosquitos and such,” he continued, “But she was a big climber or…scampering. That’s probably the right word.”

“It is,” Y/n interjected, sharing a small smile with Joel.

“That girl…” Joel muttered, “She’d see a big rock and just…” he shot his free hand out, “Pew!”

Even at the mature age of thirteen, Y/n could remember Sarah and her running Texas’ nature trails and climbing the less dangerous rocks. Joel would follow behind, laughing and telling his girlfriend that if she broke his daughter, she was buying him a new one.

“She woulda liked you,” Joel told Ellie, it was one of the most honest things he’d ever said. “Not to say the two of you are the same. Definitely different kids.”

“How so?” Ellie softly asked from behind Joel and Y/n.

“Well, she was a lot more…” Joel trailed off, “I wanna say girly,” he quickly turned to Ellie, “And I’m not sayin’ that you’re not girly.”

“I’m not,” Ellie admitted, barely smiling up at Joel.

“Yeah, you’re not. So that,” Joel chuckled, tightening his hold on Y/n a little as he listed off Sarah’s attributes, “She was taller. She had a killer smile. Again, not sayin’ that you don’t.”

Y/n shook her head, withholding a laugh for the sake of her ribs. Three months prior, they’d all been threatening to kill each other. Now they were dancing around conversational landmines that weren’t even there, so afraid of hurting one another.

“But you know why I think she’d like you?” Joel addressed Ellie once more.

“Why?”

“‘Cause you’re funny,” Joel answered, “I think you would’ve made her laugh.”

Y/n nodded, “She also would have appreciated the well deserved crap you give her dad.”

Joel snorted at Y/n’s comment, knowing there was truth to it. Sarah had always enjoyed having someone to gang up on him with, but no fiercer duo had ever existed than the likes of his daughter and his girlfriend.

“Anyway,” Joel felt his emotions beginning to tighten around his throat, “I bet you would’ve liked her back.”

“Yeah,” Ellie said, still sounding distant, “Bet I would’ve.”

The weight of Sarah’s death had suffocated Joel and Y/n separately for two decades. It had been a blade, sticking out their chest, that they’d somehow learned to live with. But there was something, between their time with Ellie and their coming back together, that had caused the pain to…change. It would never hurt any less than it did now, but Sarah’s memory now seemed like one they could look back on with more than grief. There could be smiles and laughter as they thought back on their beautiful, brilliant girl.

Y/n rested her head on Joel’s shoulder as they walked, he pressed his cheek to her hair. They both felt it.

A little ways more and they’d reached the top of the hill. In the distance, the town of Jackson stretched within its walls. It was far bigger than any of them had realized.

“There ya go,” Joel said as they paused to take it in, “Not much further now.”

He helped Y/n on the decline with her keeping her weary eyes on what they’d now call home. She nearly cried when she realized that they’d never have to leave it again. The three of them could settle into life as close to what it should have been.

“Hey, wait,” Ellie called, bringing Joel and Y/n to a halt. She began to form words before abandoning them, “Fuck…”

Joel’s muscles tightened, worried that she’d taken the time to pick apart his lie.

“Back in Kansas City, you asked me about the first time I killed someone,” Ellie spoke to Joel.

He fidgeted a little as he held Y/n, relieved that it wasn’t about the hospital.

“When I got bit,” Ellie continued, “I-I wasn’t on my own. My best friend was there and she got bit too. We didn’t know what to do, and she says, ‘We can just wait it out…be all poetic and just lose our minds together.’”

Y/n bit her lip, her brief time of knowing Riley’s spirit flashed through her mind.

“And then she did,” Ellie went on with her story, “And I had to…her name was Riley, and she was the first to die. And then it was Tess. And then it was Sam-”

Joel shook his head, “That’s not on you.”

“No,” Y/n reenforced, “Not at all.”

“I know,” Ellie sighed, “But-“

“Look sometimes things don’t work out the way we hope,” Joel said, “You can feel like…like you’ve come to an end…and you don’t know what to do next,” he sighed, thinking back on all the choices in his life that had led him to this moment, “But if you just keep going…you find something new to fight for.”

Y/n looked downwards, feeling every one of Joel’s words ring true in her heart.

“And maybe that’s not what you want to hear-“ Joel tried to continue his speech.

“Swear to me,” Ellie interrupted.

Joel and Y/n paused, holding their breaths as their tale was challenged. Y/n’s exhaustion allowed her to lower her head as she fought to take a deeper breath.

“Swear to me that everything you said about the Fireflies is true,” Ellie continued, her eyes demanding yet still soft.

Lying was an essential part of survival. It was a skill to be honed and a craft that required complete dedication. Joel had lied his way through life, into black market deals and smuggling opportunities. Y/n had lied to aid the Fireflies and to save her own life. They’d been comfortable saying whatever they needed to to stay alive.

That feeling died on the Wyoming hilltop.

“I swear,” Joel replied.

Y/n inhaled as deep as she could, feeling the fullness of what she was about to say wash over her and possess her body.

“I swear.”

Ellie watched them, her mind working to process what they were saying, leaving her nearly unreadable. They waited with bated breath as she decided whether to accept their answers or not.

“Okay.”

Without another word, Ellie picked up her pace, moving past Joel and Y/n to head down the hill. Joel began their descend, but Y/n pulled her arm away from him and stayed frozen.

“Give me a minute,” she said, her eyes on the mountains.

Joel inhaled to argue the point that she couldn’t make it more than ten steps on her own, but the distance in her eyes advised him against it. He let her hand go and began to follow Ellie, turning back once to make sure she was okay.

Y/n let her eyes drift down to Jackson, tracing the outlines of the town and trying to find the house that would become theirs. The possibilities were overwhelming as to what they could do when they got there. If there was electricity, she could cook proper meals for Joel and Ellie. They could have game nights. Tommy could come over at random moments in the day. Ellie could attend a real school. Joel could get back to his roots and fix up the house. They could retire to their bedroom each night, calling out to Ellie to go to sleep before doing the same. It could be the domestic life she’d always wanted, simplistic in every sense.

Except it wouldn’t be real.

Y/n had seen the distrust in Ellie’s face, she knew that at some point, the girl would figure it out. And if she didn’t, she’d always be questioning if her and Joel were telling the God’s honest truth. What their relationship had been would never again be. By saving Ellie’s life, they had forever changed the dysfunctional little found family they’d created.

Y/n blinked once, took a deep breath, and headed down the hill, taking her first step into a life of lies.

——————

TYL Taglist: @bachiracore @stolenxkissess @kayleezra @the-wistful-reader @allthesesonsofbitches @goth-detectives365 @trippovert @rh1nestonecowg1rl @emiliaserpe @khaleesihavilliard @frietiemeloen @gracie7209 @dorck26 @thegirlnextdoorssister @alanis-altair @mariwinns16 @whosscruffylooking @endofthexline @alexiaricciardo @eonnyx @pedrosmexicangf @scarlettequinn @ao-sleepy @toinfinityandbeyonce2 @deanlovescassie @turmoil-ash @sorrowjunky @kpopslur @xxlilyxx90 @midgetpottermills @presidential-facts @scoopsnini @tubble-wubble @jamesdeerest @burninggracesandbridges @star-wars-lover @lucyhotchner @cococola-cocaine @witheringhqarts @fall-writes @alwaysdjarin @xxmoonn @emilia-the-artist @wand-erer5 @boneyarrd @lizard-zombie @themultifandomofmadness @cassidylea123 @paleepeaches @mxltifxnd0m @kettlekatie @ultimate-cinephile @gloryekaterina @caramelkatsukis-bitch @whovianayesha @memeorydotcom @deadunicorn159 @get0ut0fmyr00m @siriuslymooned @emmyeed @superbreadsoul @hellu-people1 @ourautumn86 @inas-thing @noraapple05 @givemylovetoall @luvwanda (tags cont. in comments)

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller fanfic #joel miller fic #joel miller imagine #the last of us imagine #the last of us fanfiction #the last of us fanfic #the last of us fic #twenty years later

[marvelfanfn2187a113]

Let It Out

Sam and Dean Winchester & little sister!reader, Castiel & teen!reader

Requested by Anonymous

Having two older brothers who fight monsters had its own set of problems. Being a witch doubled those problems. Suffering from a depression that you didn’t dare tell your family about, that just multiplied everything until every little task felt impossible to complete with such a weight on top of you.

You had had a handle on your life for a long time—after all, you were used to the hunting and the lack of sleep and the loss. That is, until a certain archangel friend of yours died. That was when your depression really got going—Gabriel was gone, and it was like his death reminded you of everyone you’d ever lost, and you couldn’t take it.

The worst part was that you couldn’t tell your brothers; they were busy saving the world, the last thing they needed to hear about was your problems. Besides, they had it just as hard as you, if not harder. Why should you make it all about you?

So, you didn’t say anything, and it was taking its toll on you and your skill set. Magic was dependent on emotions, and yours were everywhere.

It wasn’t just your magic that was changing; school wasn’t going so well either. The boys were too busy to have noticed, but your grades were dropping and—

“Y/N?” Sam’s voice snapped you out of your reverie, and you turned to see him holding up a piece of paper. When you caught a glimpse of the front, your stomach dropped. It was your report card. “What’s this?”

“I-um…” you had nothing to say.

“You can do better than this. Much better. We both know that, so what happened?”

“I-I just…got distracted.”

“Distracted?” You hadn’t noticed Dean in the corner of the room until he stood up and spoke. “By what, hunting? I thought you agreed, school comes first.”

“It does!” You insisted. “I just—“

“If you can’t do both, you know which one you’re dropping,” Sam said.

“No!” You panicked. Hunting was the only outlet you had for your powers, and right now your powers were the only outlet you had for your grief.

“We agreed!” Dean insisted. “You said you would drop hunting if you can’t do both.”

“But I can!”

“This says otherwise.” Sam waved your report card.

“That’s not fair!” You cried. “One report card doesn’t-“

“Your grades have been dropping for a while,” Sam interrupted. “I just didn’t think they would get this bad. I should’ve mentioned it sooner, I just…” he sighed. “I thought it would get better.”

“It will! Don’t stop me from hunting,” you pleaded.

“You’re not giving me much of a choice!”

“Sam, you can’t—“

“That’s enough,” Dean barked, and you both shut up. “We made an agreement, and you’re going to honor it. Until the grades go up, you’re not hunting.” Dean slung his bag over his shoulder as he spoke. “We’ve got work to do. You stay here and study for that test you told me about, understand?” Dean’s tone left no room for argument.

“I understand,” you grumbled, unable to look him in the eye, whether from anger or sadness you weren’t sure.

“Good.”

Your brothers were gone without another word.

As the Impala’s engine started up and the boys drove away, your hands curled into fists and you let out a yell of frustration. You jumped in surprise when the table next to you fell over. Did you bump it? You didn’t think you did.

Maybe you needed to pay closer attention to your powers. Or maybe you just needed to put them to good use.

…

“What do you think you’re doing here?” Dean demanded.

“I think I’m saving your bacon!” You retorted before casting a spell on the closest ghoul.

“You shouldn’t be here,” Sam insisted before taking a headshot at the ghoul heading for Dean.

“You’re welcome,” you grumbled as Dean shot the ghoul that you had petrified with your spell.

“Y/N behind yo-“ a third ghoul pounced on you before Sam got the chance to warn you.

Dean tried to aim at it, but he couldn’t get a clear shot without risking hitting you.

Sam jumped into action at your cry of pain. The ghoul had bitten into your shoulder before Sam managed to tackle it off you.

As soon as you and Sam were clear, Dean blasted the ghoul’s head off.

“Y/N?” Sam was by your side in an instant, peeling the fabric of your shirt away from your bleeding shoulder, cringing when you cried out in pain. “Ok, you’re ok, you’re gonna be fine.”

“That was crazy,” Dean grumbled as he knelt next to you to examine your injury. “That was really stupid, kid.”

“I-I didn’t see him,” you cringed. “I-I’m sor-“ you broke off with a cry of pain when Dean lifted your head, jostling your injured shoulder.

“You shouldn’t have even been here,” Dean sighed, glaring at you. “And I thought you got that guy with a spell! Your magic doesn’t seem to—“

“Dean, she’s bleeding a lot,” Sam interrupted quietly, glancing nervously at the growing puddle of blood beneath you. “I think we should try for Cas.”

“Hey Cas,” Dean stepped away from you to talk to the angel. “Cas, we need you over here! Y/N’s hurt pretty bad. Can you—“

“I’m here.” Sam jumped in surprise when Castiel appeared next to you.

“Cas,” you croaked, whimpering when Sam moved to make room for Cas.

“Shh, it’s alright little one. This won’t hurt at all.” Cas placed two fingers on your forehead, and your wound slowly sealed itself with a blue glow.

“Thanks Cas,” you breathed as you slowly sat up, rubbing your shoulder as the pain slowly went away.

“Cas,” Dean spoke up. “I think her magic’s gone all wack, can you—“

“Dean, I’m fine, really,” you said. The last thing you wanted was your brothers looking in too deep to why your powers seemed to be failing. You would look weak.

“Her powers aren’t anything physical,” Cas said. “If they’re not working correctly, she either mispronounced the spell, or she’s not in the correct mental state to perform magic.”

“Cas.” You wanted to interrupt him, but it was too late.

“Y/N.” Dean stepped closer to you, and you ducked your head to avoid his gaze. “Sweetheart what’s he talking about?”

“I’m fine.” Your voice came out small and timid.

“Y/N, talk to me.” Sam stepped forwards.

You shook your head, blinking hard and fast in a failed attempt to keep the tears at bay. Your hand unconsciously sought out something to hold onto, and your fingers clamped onto Cas’s trench coat.

“Are you alright?” Cas’s gentle voice was the only invitation you needed, and you practically flung yourself into his arms, burying your face against his shirt as your tears began to fall. Cas froze for a moment, unsure of what to do, but slowly he wrapped his arms around your shoulders, pulling you tightly against him.

“It’s alright,” he soothed. “It’s ok, I’ve got you little one.”

“I can’t do this anymore,” you sobbed, clutching onto Cas like a life preserver. “I-I miss Gabriel. And-and Joe and Ellen, and my-and my dad.”

“I know,” Cas sighed. “I know, it’s ok.”

“I didn’t mean for it to mess up the hunt.”

“It’s not your fault,” Cas promised. “You’re allowed to feel like this. It’s ok to feel sad, it’s ok.”

“Maybe we should take her home,” Sam cut in.

“Don’t go.” Cas’s heart constricted at your whimpered plea as you held on even tighter to him.

“I won’t,” he whispered to you before looking at Sam. “Go on, I’ve got her.” With that, Cas disappeared with you.

You jumped in surprise when you arrived suddenly in your room.

“I’m sorry,” Cas said. “I didn’t mean to surprise you.”

“I’m ok,” you sniffled, still unwilling to let go of Cas.

“Ok.” Cas smiled. “Would you like to lay down?”

You nodded, and Cas led you over to your bed and let you lean on top of him after he laid down.

“I’m sorry,” you said finally, your throat constricting as the tears returned.

“Don’t ever apologize for what you’re feeling,” Cas said, wrapping his arms around you. “You can let it out now, you don’t have to hide it.”

“I just don’t want Sam and Dean to think I can’t do this,” you cried.

“You can trust them. You don’t have to be alone with this, you never do.”

You didn’t respond, and Cas didn’t push it. He held you in his arms and you finally let out your years upon years of tears that you hadn’t let yourself cry before. Eventually you fell asleep, and still Cas didn’t move.

Most times when he was needed, it was so he could heal your or your brothers physically, and that was easy for him. This was much harder; he wasn’t well versed in human emotion, and he wasn’t all that sure that he was helping you correctly, but he sensed that his presence was all you needed.

So here he would stay.

Taglist:

@nyotamalfoy

#dean winchester #dean and sam #dean winchester x reader #supernatural dean #the winchesters #dean winchester x you #winchesters x reader #sam winchester #sam winchester x reader #winchesters x sister #castiel & winchester!reader #castiel & reader #castiel x winchester!reader #castiel x reader #spn castiel #castiel novak #castiel

[alexlwrites]

𝐑𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐥𝐞𝐟𝐭 𝐦𝐞

✿𝑷𝒂𝒊𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈: Taehyung x Reader

✿ 𝑺𝒖𝒎𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒚:  The one where Taehyung didn’t give you as much attention as he should.

✿ 𝑻𝒂𝒈𝒔: Angst, Short.

°•. ✿ .•°  

Could he exist in a world never touched by you, Taehyung wondered. In the multiversed layers of this cursed existence, could he find one surgically clean of you? Could he delete the multitude of synesthesic reminders you scattered around every corner of his life?

But most importantly, would he want to? He wasn’t so sure anymore.

There was a half empty bottle of your perfume on top of his drawer, a single pink sock under his bed, a charger he found behind his couch. He called you one night, trying to lure you into talking to him under the pretense of giving it all back - as if he could! - but you didn’t pick up. 

Was that how you felt? All those times he didn’t pick up when you called or didn’t answer your texts, too busy soaking up spotlights and drinking up applauses. Did his silence feel as suffocating as yours? 

Taehyung can’t breathe. Is there such a thing as too much air? Too much space? He has too much of it all. He doesn’t want it. He wants your air, shared between the spaces of your pillow and his. He wants your space, the one he invaded when he threw his leg over yours, clinging to your body like a lifeline. 

When did he let go of that? When did he forget his place? His place - not on the stage, not on the lumpy couch of some late night show host, not under hot lights, but right next to you, sinking his fingers into your hips and resting his lips on that one spot where your shoulders met your neck and his world met yours and all made sense again. 

He doesn’t remember the last time he felt truly rested. He hears the sound of his worried bandmates fretting in the background of his mind but he doesn’t know how to help. When did you last eat? Two months ago, when you made him dinner and he didn’t show up in time to enjoy it with you, guilt gnawing at his insides as he heated up your delicious food in the microwave.  When did you last shower? About a month ago, water falling on both of your bodies as he apologized for another flaked date night and he couldn’t tell if you were crying or not. 

When did you last… About three weeks ago. All his memories stopped there, on the moment you walked out of the door. His brain rewinds those couple of minutes, forcing him to relive it, haunting him with all his mistakes, making him list all the things he should’ve done differently. 

Taehyung reads through your old text messages religiously, your words a prayer. “Good morning! I love you!” he reads and tries to figure out what in the world he could’ve been doing that stopped him from texting you back. 

A week later, another text: “I miss you”. He feels like screaming. 

“Are you coming home tonight?”

“We should do something this weekend.”

“Let me know when you have some time to call :)” 

And again “I miss you.”

You words chain him to his (our, he thinks, holding on to the possessive adjective like it meant something) bed. Maybe if he stayed there, where you last left him, you would come back and find him again, like a lost child at the mall. He should stay where he last saw you. He couldn’t risk it. 

Instead of getting up, eating, sleeping or moving on he types into his phone, knowing his message won’t go through just like all the 187 he sent in the past three weeks. “I miss you” he echoes “and I don’t even have that right, I know. I miss you and if I had been just a bit smarter, just a little bit less of a selfish, blind asshole I wouldn’t have to miss you, because you would’ve been here.”

“Three weeks, four hours and five minutes since you left and I can now pinpoint all of the moments I let you down. I can name them alphabetically or by how badly they hurt to think about. Your disappointment is tattooed to the back of my eyelids. I deserve it. I hope it stays there.” 

Taehyung types and types, eyes blurred and fingers trembling . He writes like an author desperate for a paycheck, a lyricist with bills to pay and albums to put out, odes and novels to all the wrong things he did. He screams his song of loneliness and regret into the silence of his (our!) bedroom.

“Please come back” 

This number can't be found at this moment.

“Please come back” 

This number can't be found at this moment.

“Please come back” 

This number can't be found at this moment.

“Please come back” 

And again, four weeks, three hours, two minutes, 28 showers, 112 meals and a million shallow inhales and exhales without you later:

“Please come back.”

11:23 pm. Delivered.

“I’m right where you left me.”

11:24 pm. Read.

And Taehyung feels like he can maybe - just maybe, hopefully, wistfully - breathe again.

°•. ✿ .•°  

Taglist: @imknewattis ; @dreamamubarak​ ; @onlythebest-106 ;@betysotelo18 ; @havetaeminforbreakfast​ ; @uno7​ ; @chimchimmarie​ ; @anaya123world

#kim taehyung #kim taehyung x reader #v x reader #bts x reader #bts scenarios #taehyung angst #taehyung fanfic

[rivetgoth]

I’m a huge proponent for anyone should have access to whatever tools they need to do whatever they want to their body etc but ngl it makes me sad seeing the number of AFAB transes who speak of taking testosterone as this almost like, unfortunate thing you gotta endure to get a set list of Desired Changes, or this sorta like, thing you gotta compromise on, with this whole list of negative effects that you gotta risk if you want the positives or whatever, and just constant posts that are functionally like “how long do I have to be on T until I can stop?” or “I want XYZ changes from T but I don’t want ABC changes,” and like it just frustrates me because to be frank I love testosterone. I love everything about being on it and I consider it a miracle that modern medicine has made it possible to access this hormone exogenously if we can’t produce enough of it ourselves. I feel like fundamentally my lack of proper T levels had a negative impact on me until it was corrected and I don’t feel like I was truly myself until I began HRT. Literally the only negative thing about it at all is the frustration that I’m dependent on an outside source for the rest of my life rather than able to just make it myself but there’s no doubt in my mind that I want to be on it for the rest of my life. While maybe a bit pedantic I don’t view T as having side effects, I don’t even necessarily view it as a medication in the traditional sense, it’s just an artificial way for me to correct my body to the state it already should’ve been in. I was overcome by relief after taking my very first dose when I was seeing 0 changes and even as the initial excitement has naturally died down over the years that relief is something I never take for granted. If I could keep every change T has given me and stop taking it I still wouldn’t because beneath all the desire for the changes there is an innate desire to just be on testosterone. I just idk dude I wish that HRT at least within the FTM / transmasc community was viewed with more reverence and the perspectives of those who view it as genuinely a life saving and necessary resource were given a little more voice. I think the entire idea of hormonal dysphoria and the need to alleviate it by correcting one’s hormone production separate from the laundry list of the possible more visible changes and side effects and what’s desired or not or what’s permanent or not etc etc of HRT is seen as weirdly archaic in lots of mainstream FTM spaces and it’s a bit frustrating and isolating.

#like this isn’t meant to be like I’m more valid than these people or smthn #but I’m just saying it’s kinda tiring to see like dozens of posts across different sites and stuff that are like #I wanna go on T but I only want ABC changes and X change is gross and how do I prevent Z and is Y reversible- #-and how long do I have to be on it until I can stop?? #Also this is NOT ABOUT trans women venting about T from a transfem perspective this is very explicitly about transmascs #nothing but love and respect for trans women that hate T I get you 100% #just clarifying cuz that’s discourse I see pop up every so often for some bizarre reason

[drewsbuzzcut]

Nothing Like The Rain

mat barzal x model!fem!reader

a visceral in doses blurb

warnings: none that i can think of

The rain was coming down strong. You could hear it thumping against the roof of the bar you were in; the music doing nothing to conceal just how strong the storm was outside. Although the atmosphere in the bar was satisfying, and you were having a good time with your friends, you were ready to get home. You also weren’t going to risk the rain getting worse than what it already was.

Saying a quick goodbye to your friends with a promise of getting dinner sometime during the week, you gather your belongings and head to the exit.

As soon as you’re getting out the door, you end up crashing into something hard. That something hard ended up being the chest of a tall man with beautiful hair and even more beautiful eyes.

“I’m so sorry.”

“I’m sorry,” you and the handsome man said at the same time.

You giggle and apologize once again, “Sorry. I’m in such a hurry to get out of here. I should’ve been paying attention to what’s in front of me.”

“It’s all good,” the man said with a small smirk. You both were just stuck looking at each other until someone behind the man cleared their throat.

You jumped out of your haze and said a quick excuse me with a small smile before heading out the door.

Feeling a bit flustered about the encounter, you wanted a quick escape.

What you didn’t see because your back was to the bar, was the man excusing himself from his friends and trying to catch up with you. Good thing you weren’t that far.

“Hey… hey,” the man was now in front of you.

“…hi,” you answered back.

“Sorry. This is so random and kind of weird, but you’re just really beautiful and I just needed to talk to you more,” he said in one breath.

You shyly smiled. The rain pelting down on you not mattering anymore.

“Y/n,” you introduce yourself.

“Mat.”

“Nice to meet you,” your eyes are glimmering as the lightning lights up the dark sky.

“You’re leaving the bar early,” mat points out.

“I’ve had a long day. My bed was calling my name and I’m pretty sure my cat is starved. He’s probably cursing my name as we speak,” you say with a playful eye roll.

Your little rant was enough to get a laugh out of mat.

“There’s no way i can convince you to stay?” He hesitantly asks.

You sigh and twirl a strand of your hair around your finger- acting as if you’re thinking about it. “Unless you have some kind of portable bed with you, and can magically feed my cat, i don’t think so,” you tease.

“I guess I’m not better than a bed,” mat teases back.

“I guess not.”

“You’re doing amazing things for my ego,” he replies sarcastically.

“Maybe I can make it up to you,” you offer.

He smiles as if he just achieved greatness and his life is complete, you almost don’t hear what he says, too entranced by the way his long fingers comb through his hair.

“I will give you my number and you can call me whenever you’re free,” mat tells you.

“Deal!”

After getting mat’s phone number and saying goodbye, mat grabs your attention one last time.

“Tell your cat I’m sorry for keeping you occupied,” mat says with a bright smile.

You laugh and nod your head.

During your trek home the whole conversation is on rerun in your head and you can’t stop the little giggle that comes out you. You were so taken back with mat and you couldn’t wait to put his number to use. The thought of sleep was far from your mind now.

You didn’t even notice that it had stopped raining.

a/n: hope you enjoyed this little blurb! get ready for more of y/n and mat!!

#mat barzal #mat barzal fic #mat barzal imagine #mat barzal blurb #mat barzal fluff #mat barzal fanfiction #nhl imagines #nhl fic #new york islanders #mat barzal x reader

[msmischief101]

Steo Prompt Request:

When Character A turns up at his rivals's door to yell at him, but Character B has a fever and mistakes him for a dream, then when Character A checks his temperature Character B leans into his hand, covering it with his own and says, "Stay ... You never stay."

a/n: sorry, it took me a hot second to write this. I hope you like it. And thank you so much for the prompt! 💖

~~~

“Theo, I swear to— fuck.”  Stiles bangs his fist against the door once more for good measure.  

Three rooms down, a door swings open. Out pops the disheveled head of Donovan, Theo’s feral frat brother. He’s still sporting a black eye from the lacrosse ball Kira not-so-accidentally chucked at his face after one too many stupid comments on Stiles’ behalf. 

Stiles pins him with a glare. “You want another one of those?” 

Donovan opens his mouth, ready to argue, then purses his lips. A variety of emotions crosses his features — too fast for Stiles to decipher, but most likely none of them good. He probably still has a lot to say about yesterday's humiliation, but he slams the door shut instead. Surprising, albeit better this way. There is no way this would’ve been resolved peacefully with how pissed Stiles is at Theo, who still hasn’t opened is fucking door.  

Narrowing his eyes, Stiles whips around again, glaring at the immovable object. He could break into Theo’s room easily enough, but even Stiles has enough decency not to do that — especially if he’s running the risk of watching Tracy lounge in Theo’s bed. Naked, probably. He scrunches up his face. 

This really needs to stop. 

“Theo!” Stiles bellows once more, ignoring someone else yelling at him. He doesn’t care. Not at all. They’re lucky he waited until 6 am because he would’ve been ready to strangle Theo at 3 am too. Maybe he should’ve done it. It is entirely possible Theo’s door would have been open at that time.  

Fine.

He’s going to get into this room one way or another. 

Before he’s got the chance to move away, however, the lock clicks and the door creeps open. 

Theo looks, for the lack of a better word, terrible. His skin is pale, his eyes glossy, and he leans heavily on the door, almost like his legs won’t be able to support him for very long. He blinks at him, slowly, and leans towards Stiles for a moment before swaying back. It takes everything in him not to grab Theo before he falls on his ass. Come to think of it, Theo wasn’t really himself yesterday. Usually, he is the one to step in when Donovan takes it too far. Yesterday, however, Kira ended the argument.

Maybe that’s why.  

All of Stiles’ anger evaporates at once. That would certainly explain Theo’s weird text message. ‘Can you stop looking at me like you hate me?’. Sure, that text message could’ve been sent to him by accident – except Theo doesn’t make accidents like that. He lets out a breath and reaches for Theo’s face. His pink cheeks are already telling Stiles everything he needs to know, yet he’d rather make sure.  

Carefully, he brushes his fingertips over Theo’s forehead. It’s slick with sweat, and strands of hair cling to it. Stiles barely resists the urge to run his fingers through Theo’s hair. All the feelings he’s buried deep, deep threaten to spill out at once. Stiles grinds his teeth, forcing himself to swallow each and every single one of them, and puts the back of his hand against Theo’s forehead instead.  

As expected, he’s burning up. 

Theo makes a soft sound in the back of his throat and grabs Stiles’ hand, keeping it pressed against his skin – almost as if it helped him cool down somehow. “Stay,” Theo mutters, eyes closed. “You never stay.”

Stiles opens his mouth, ready for a scalding remark. The words, however, get stuck somewhere just underneath his jaw, refusing to roll over his tongue. He can’t even bring himself to pull his hand away. After all, Theo isn’t wrong. Stiles never stays, but Theo was the one who left. Sure, Theo was ten and didn’t exactly have much of a say in his parents’ plan, and while not living in the same city hurt like hell, what broke Stiles was the radio silence. Theo simply up and vanished as if he never even existed in the first place. 

And then he returned, acted like nothing ever happened, like he didn’t break little Stiles’ heart. 

“Please.”

It’s breaking all over again, just for an entirely different reason. “Okay,” Stiles whispers, allowing Theo to drag him into his bedroom. If Stiles is entirely honest, he’s doubts Theo has been fully aware of what’s happening around him. Considering he’s asleep before his head hits the pillow, Stiles wonders if he's even been fully awake at all. He drags the blanket over Theo’s sleeping form and turns away. Leaving would be the right thing to do. Theo probably didn’t mean for him to stay. Maybe he couldn’t even tell who was standing in front of him.  

Nevertheless, he can’t bring himself to leave. Growing up with a sick mother made Stiles hesitant of leaving sick people unattended. Most of the time, he is overreacting. Still, Theo seems completely out of it, and a high fever could turn bad quickly – and Stiles doubts Donovan is going to take care of Theo, or anyone here, really. The people Stiles would consider Theo’s friends aren’t part of this fraternity. Stiles would like to believe that not even Theo would be here if not for his father’s insistence on keeping up appearances. 

Or maybe he’s just hoping that’s the case. After all, Stiles hasn’t seen Theo for eight years. 

Sighing, Stiles strolls through Theo’s room. It’s clean, almost sterile, with white walls and no personal belongings aside from the stuff related to his studies. When Theo was a kid, his bedroom was full off clutter, little league trophies, pictures of his friends and sister, books and DVDs, clothes, and half-finished paintings. His bedroom used to be lived in. Now, everything’s at its designated spot and the room feels as if someone sucked out all its life. 

No thanks to Mrs. Raeken’s influence. 

He is still snooping quietly, flipping through books, opening drawers – when else would he have the chance, right? Maybe he can find something to kick Theo out of the lacrosse team. The guy loathed lacrosse when he was younger. Besides, he’s also on the football team. If he quit lacrosse, his coach would make him captain at once – and who wouldn’t want to be captain of the football team? It comes with glory and lots of sex.

Then again, Theo can probably get his dick wet whenever he wants.

Stiles grimaces at the thought, hating that he immediately thinks of Tracy. It’s hard to tell how Theo feels about her, but Tracy is head over heels. Just thinking about it makes Stiles’ clench his teeth. His stomach hardens. He hates her. Irrationally so, he’s fully aware of that. They’ve met twice at parties, and all Tracy did was hang onto Theo’s arm as if she turns into dust the second, she lets go. If only she weren’t so fucking pretty with her long brown hair and perfect figure. Then again, she’s not particularly smart. Kira mentioned she’s failing a few of her classes because she struggles with the general coursework and is more interested in everything that’s not her studies. That’s a big fat minus in Theo’s book. If he took anything to heart his parents drilled into him from a young age, it’s that a good education, determination, and the pursuit of a goal are extremely important.

Even if they were in any form of relationship now, it would never last. Theo would never settle down with someone like her. He’d be more interested in someone like-

Stiles gives his head a shake.

Nope. Not going down that road.

It’s probably a good idea to get his mind off Theo for a while. He spent so much time snooping; the sun is already setting.

Scrunching up his face, Stiles sits down at Theo’s desk and drags the laptop towards him. It’s a long shot, really, but his passwords for everything used to be his nickname for his sister and Theo’s grandmother’s birthday. Knowing his luck, it might be a different one now. Still, it’s worth a shot if he doesn’t want to end up spiraling until Theo wakes up again. He opens the laptop up, trying to remember Grandma Raeken’s birthday, when the background picture causes his heart to skip a beat. 

Oh.

Staring back at him are Tara, with the biggest and proudest grin on her face, ruffling her little brother’s hair. Theo is mid-movement to put his Little League cap back on, scowling up at his sister. Then there is Stiles himself, just nine-years old, Little League trophy clutched in his hands, doubling over laughing. 

This very moment happened exactly two months before the Raeken’s move, and six months before Tara’s death. She looked so incredibly happy here. 

“I hated it when she did that.”

Stiles jolts and slams the laptop shut, wincing a little at the sound of the impact. “You’re awake,” he says and pushes his hands in the pocket of his hoodie. Although Theo doesn’t look much better, the additional couple hours of sleep he’s gotten seemed to have cleared his head. His eyes look a lot more focused now; their intense stare rooting him to the spot on his chair.

“You’re here.” Theo’s tone is even, calm. His eyes narrow slightly, assessing the situation as his gaze flicks from Stiles to the laptop and back again, now focused on Stiles’ hand as he makes a dismissive gesture. “I didn’t think you were actually here.”

Furrowing his brows, Stiles lowers his hands into his lap. “You thought I was a fever dream?” Stiles quirks a brow. If that’s the case, it probably wouldn’t be a bad idea to get Theo to a hospital to get checked out. Now, however, he seems a lot more awake and aware of everything going on around him. “Is that why you sent me that stupid text?” Because that is why he’s here. Not to take care of Theo. Not to drive him to a doctor. He’s here because Theo has the fucking audacity to act offended by Stiles’ glaring at him.

Theo visibly winces and turns to look out the window. “That’s why you’re here.”

“You know,” Stiles says, getting to his feet with a shake of his head, “if you didn’t constantly try to upstage me in everything I do, I wouldn’t look at you like that.”

“Upstaging you?” Theo stares at him again, brows raised in utter confusion. “I’m not upstaging you.”

Stiles huffs out a breath and sits down again. That’s just ridiculous. Theo is and always has been one of the most competitive people in the world. He wants, no, he needs to be on top. Always and in absolutely everything he’s doing. While in the few classes they’re sharing, Stiles remains to be the winner – although Theo is very close behind – there’s nothing he can do in Lacrosse. Theo came in, rained on his parade, and too his spot as Co-Captain from him with no issue at all. That’s absolutely no cause for concern regarding his scholarship, it was still a nice feeling after his shitty high school experience. Plus, it’s Theo. Who hates lacrosse. Who is already co-captain of the football team. Who is just pissed that Stiles hasn’t welcomed him back with open arms.

“I’m just trying-“ Theo stops himself, pressing his lips together. “We used to be best friends.”

“And then you fucked off and acted like I didn’t even exist,” Stiles whispers.

Closing his eyes, Theo sinks back into his pillows. “I thought it was easier to lose you all at once than over time.” The words are sharper than any knife could ever be. It's a talent Theo has always possessed. Looks like he’s got the chance to refine it over the years.

Stiles isn’t any less successful in hitting where it hurts, but the words took all of his fight away in one foul swoop. He presses his hands together and stares at the ground. “Why’d you never—” but Stiles cuts himself off with a wince. How could Theo have ever said anything at all? Stiles made sure to flee the scene as quickly as possible whenever he appeared.

You never stay.

Swallowing around the lump in his throat, he gets up from the chair and crosses the room. Stiles kicks off his shoes without hesitation. It’s either now or never; if he doesn’t stay this time, Theo is not going to give him another chance, not when he’s opening the door this wide.

Theo draws his brows together. “What are you doing?”

Stiles tosses his jacket over the chair. “I’m staying,” he says resolutely, briefly glancing at Theo before he climbs over him and settles next to his head.

“Stiles, I’m sick.”

“Yeah, well…” Stiles doesn’t really have anything to say to that. Staying now most definitely will only make him sick as well, but he’d rather get sick than lose Theo like that again. “Just sleep,” he whispers, gently tugging the blanket up over Theo’s shoulders. “I’ll be here when you wake up.”

Theo raises his brows, and his eyes roam over his features almost as if he’s trying to catch him in a lie. Then he smiles. “Okay,” Theo whispers and closes his eyes, settling into a comfortable position next to him.

Despite knowing better, Stiles runs his fingers through Theo’s short stands. It would be best for him to ignore the way his heart rejoices at the way Theo smiles because of this simple touch. Stiles closes his eyes and leans his head back. He’s fucked. He’s so thoroughly fucked.

Stiles glances down at Theo again, unable to hide his smile this time.

Unless… maybe he’s not.

#steo #stiles stilinski #theo raeken #teen wolf #stiles x theo #theo x stiles #*tv:teen wolf #*w:complete #*s:steo

[adoresbutlers]

HANDS ALL OVER.

-------------------✩---------------------------------

prompt : Elvis can’t keep his hands off of you during a celebratory party and you want to teach him a lesson back at Graceland.

warnings : (M) smut. sub!elvis. austin!elvis. dom!reader. fem!reader. tying up, power dynamics, slight bdsm, slapping, usage of mommy / momma / ma’am, orgasm denial, m!oral, you don’t let Elvis touch you like he wants, all that filthy goodness. a lil act of edging to my babies, sorry for the cliff hanger.. maybe <3

word count :

✩.

Elvis had only been able to get a few minutes into a family dinner party before his hands found themselves running along your bare skin, letting himself ravage what he had - who he had. You, however, hadn’t been having any of it. You had previously spent hours upon too many hours convincing your family that Elvis had been the one - especially your father who’s eyes took every moment to bore into your boyfriend’s skin. They knew about him - how couldn’t they when he seemed to have turned into such a superstar overnight. To which they all used to judge the poor boy, questioning how such a boy could be interested in only you. It had took actually this morning to finally break the fourth wall and they agreed to invite him to dinner - if he ‘behaved’, all the words said by your father. Elvis knew this, he just didn’t seem to care.

His spot remained next to your side at the table directly across from your parents, yet only looking at them and the risk of getting caught of course only egged his actions on. He almost let a gasp slip as his hands stopped in his tracks as it made its way up your inner thigh only to feel mesh lace underneath. It was his favorite - you knew that, he knew you knew that. You only responded by tapping onto his foot instead of kicking him right on like you ever so wanted to do. Your eyebrows furrowed, trying to make out what was even the topic at hand just to use the time where eyes weren’t on you to lean in, breath ghosting against his ear. You let out a sigh against his skin, tapping the tips of his thighs with your thumb. “Be a good boy and wait.” You whispered against his skin, pinching his thigh just before he could protest.

But, typical Elvis, only took that as a challenge. He waited, and waited with every tick of the clock for you to engage yourself back into the conversation at hand to slip his hands smugly up your thigh once more. You only cleared your throat, tapping against his foot. This time, he refused to budge, his fingers dancing along your panty line, slipping the material to the side and greedily dipped himself inside. It was now your turn to gasp, excusing yourself for butting into the conversation - side eyeing your boyfriend the whole time. The boyfriend who had the dumbest smirk on his face. You slapped his hand away, pulling his bicep away from you and scooted your chair out with your feet.

You shuffled a slow sigh, recomposing yourself before speaking only to your parents, putting on a fake smile with your hand flattened on your boyfriend’s shoulder. “Mama, I think we’re gonna go a lil early. Elvis..” Your foot reached down to kick at his ankle, prompting him to listen to the gesture and stand up, his hand slipping into yours. “Doesn’t feel well.” You gritted through your teeth, leaving no room for a response instead just dragged him out of your family home by your intertwined fingers.

The ride home was silent, you prompted Elvis to not look your direction, only the road. He knew he pushed you more than he should’ve - even if what he did was minor when you consider what he actually wanted. Your mind wasn’t the clearest, only filled with the unholiest of thoughts mixed in with pure anger. It was a dinner to celebrate your father’s recent promotion; he knew how much it meant for your close-knit family. He never seemed to care - only about his needs. Well, at least that’s how your mind could wrap around in such a moment.

As soon as you pulled the car in the long driveway, you snaked a tight grip around Elvis’ wrist not paying any mind to the small whimper that rang from his lips behind you as you dragged him all throughout the house. You finally reached your shared room and since you practically lived with him now, you felt all the more comfortable slamming the door behind your boyfriend.

“What the fuck was that, E?” You furrowed your brows, voice slightly above its normal tone only to be met with a softened face. His blue eyes sparkled in the light, almost as if he knew his fate ahead wasn’t what he had been expecting in the slightest. His bottom lip had been dragged out as far as the flesh could go, orbs finally connected to your blown out ones. He parted his lips to utter an answer but froze when you brought your hand up.

You brought a hand up to rub at your temple, shaking your head as you tried to calm yourself to the best of your abilities. “Strip, E. You want to act like a foolish slut? I’m treating you like one.”

Elvis’ eyes widened. “Y-Y.. Yes, momma. I’m sorry.” With a mutter, he started to follow your command without question, loose material falling in a neat pile on the floor - a small approving hum escaped your lips at the sight. “Look whose finally being good.” You tsked. “Fucking joke.” You finished your scoff, a smirk curling onto the corner of your lips as your eyes danced along a pile of red silk ribbons on the nightstand.

“Bed.” You snapped your fingers near his direction, watching as he frantically scruffled his way to doing so, your hands grabbing the silk ribbon before he could catch even a glimpse of what’s to come. “Hands above your head, baby.” You purred, tying a tight loop around his wrists just to pin them to the headboard above his head, doing the same for each of his ankles, forcing his legs wide open where you wanted him.

You could only hum softly again - running your finger slowly down his abdomen and neared his v-line, watching him squirm under your touch. “Y’know I’m always so eager to make my baby feel good..” Your voice trailed like honey to his ears, his orbs peering into your own as he waited impatiently for you to continue your sentence, only wishing it looked up from there. It wasn’t. “But after that stunt you just pulled?” Your finger traced his leaking tip that only stood the more you spoke, catching the liquid on your finger as you moved to outline his inner thighs. “Good boys don’t do that, do they?” You cocked a brow peering into his crystals.

He shook his head in response, needy hips bucking into your every touch to get the friction he desired and the kind he still thought he deserved. Your hand roughly squeezed his inner thigh, only letting out a scoff in disapproval as your hand gripped the base of his already swollen cock. “I said.. Do they?” Your voice rose up, peering into his eyes with a tone that he had no choice but to shy away from, his eyes adverting to any part of the room but you.

You let out a drawn sigh from your lips, tsking at his silenced actions, eyebrows furrowing in faux disappointment. “Fine.. we’ll take the plan I was originally going with, baby.” You bent down to whisper near his ear, voice laced with venom. You purred near him as he did nothing but continue to squirm under your hand, your free hand not letting him have so much free room, pinning him to the silked sheets. You moved to slowly pump his cock, swallowing his pretty whines from beneath you before dipping your knees so you were sitting in between his opened legs, nudging his thighs further for more access.

You placed a hand on either side of his thighs, eyes connecting with his as your tongue darted from your lips, licking up the slit of his tip. “Momma..” Elvis gasped from above you, wrists practically red with the amount of times he tried his hardest to break free. He needed so bad to let his fingers get lost into every strand of your hair, to push fallen ones from your face so he could catch much more of a view.

You hummed against his tip in response before wrapping your lips around the tip, eyelashes fluttering up at your beautiful baby as you widened your cheeks to take him fully as upon countless times before. Another gasp slipped from his plump lips at the way you took him all in with ease, hallowing out your cheeks to only tighten the friction around him. Your hand started to trace small calm circles into the soft flesh of his thighs as you started to move slowly up and down his length only to be met with bucked up hips as soon as you gave him the freedom to. You allowed it this time, your attention only focused on making him feel good. You knew you had been neglecting the poor boy with the amount of hours work had taken you from him, but the idea of his stunt still managed to linger in your mind. You wanted to give him what he wanted, you did. But that would’ve been too easy.

“Momma.. I’ll be good.. please..” He sighed out, pleading against his restraints. “Wan’ feel you, momma, please.” He continued, your eyes beginning to softening only for them to remain back to their state. You let his cock slip out of your mouth, spitting directly onto his tip and smeared it around his sensitive area. “You gonna be my good little slut?” You smirked from above, hands sliding up and down the sides of his body, feeling every last shivered bump against his skin. His hair sprawled out against the pillow as his head bobbed up and down, his mouth parted to speak.

“Only for you. Please-“ You stood up before he could continue, his attention darting onto your finger. The straps of your dress had fallen down due to your leaning posture, revealing extra skin that let his mind go crazy in itself with the sight. “If my baby can watch momma change without making a sound, I’ll give him what he wants.” You chuckled from your spot, waiting for a head nod of approval before unzipping your dress agonizingly slow, keeping your eyes on him as the material fell and bunched off your body, stepping out of the pile. You unclapsed your bra, letting it fall right below you. His mouth only hung open, ravishing in your form as if you had been his goddess he’s waited for his whole life - as if this had been the first time he was graced with your presence.

Your smirk only grew at the direction of your boy, impressed by his restraint, he normally would’ve been a whining mess by now, rambling about all the things he could imagine that he desired. “What a good boy..” You purred slowly, making your way over to his spot before reaching up to untie the ribbon that dawned his wrists, letting the restraints on his ankles follow. Without notice you swung your legs over his lap, straddling his figure, ghosting your entrance over his cock. Your arms reached up to slide down his toned chest, feeling every muscle under your fingertips before lowering yourself down onto him. You shifted in a moan, his newly free hands immediately flying up to grab onto your boobs, his lips wrapping around your nubs as he started to suckle as if his life depended on this moment.

“Good boy.. you feel so good, baby.” Your praises rang lowly in his ear, his hips intently bucking up to fuck into your heat. With that, you started to move your own hips up and down his length, earning hummed mewls from below as his lips stayed attached to your nipples. Your hands twisted into his raven hair, using the strands as leverage to thrust yourself faster, letting soft moans slip past your lips. He started to rut up into your body, hips meeting rushed contact with yours as you both began to fall apart around each other.

Sinful sounds of your juices meeting his after every thrust started to fill the decorated room, the matched thrusts doing nothing when it came to helping you stay your calmest form. His lips released your throbbed nipples, a chorus of whimpers spilling from his parted mouth. “Y-You’re so ti-tight, momma.. Can’t last any longer..” He whined softly, your fingers twisting tighter into his hair the moment that your walls had started to gain a squeezing grip as soon as they tightened. Your hips slowed their movements until you reached a halt, gaining the sight of wide puppy-like eyes staring up at you with a plumped lip to match. You pulled his cock out of your heat, humming lowly as your legs swung off of his lap to crawl beside him mere moments later.

“Only good boys get to cum, baby. Maybe, you’ll think about that next time, Hmm?” You cooed, lips tightening into a smirk as all the poor boy could do was whimper at your words. He huffed out a breath after a couple long minutes, nodding up in your direction as his arms wrapped around your waist, desperately pulling you in closer to feel your bare body against his once more.

“Yes momma..” He huffed, his voice soft and barely above a whisper. You hated doing this to your baby, you really did, but his reactions only managed to feed into your actions more than he would like. Anything to see how much you do to him - that effect had always been your high and forever it would remain.

Oh well, right, there was always tomorrow.

———————————————————————

tag list : special tag goes to @pearlparty @eliseinmemphis and @butlersxbirdy for the sub content <33 kisses to all ! hope you liked the read 🧡🖤 happy Halloween

#austin butler #austin butler elvis #austin butler imagine #austin butler x reader #elvis presley #austin butler fanfiction #austin butler smut #austin!elvis x reader #elvis imagine #austin!elvis fic #austin!elvis smut

[blingblandfanfic]

He aint heavy deleted scene

i couldn't decided whether to make chapter 22 Dio or Hermes' pov, and i eventually settled on Hermes, but here's Dio's pov if you still want to read it! Hermes' pov can be read here

Hermes sighs, rubbing his face as he looks at Dio, probably thinking about how much he regrets taking him in, he bets. He keeps his arms crossed, analyzing the wood grain as he kicks the leg of the table. It feels good to move, to take out his anxiety on something when a tongue lashing is imminent. Maybe a real lashing. He doesn’t know. He’s only known Hermes for like, a year. 

“So,” Hermes says, when he feels that Dio has squirmed long enough, “you snuck out to drink, huh? I gotta be honest, I didn't expect that behavior for a few more years.”

It’s a joke, and Dio takes it, smirking as he continues to kick at the leg. There’s a cup of water on the table, and he likes seeing how it ripples. 

“Last night wasn’t even the first time you snuck out, huh?” Hermes sighs. 

“You’re such a heavy sleeper, dude. Like, it’s almost impressive. One time I made myself popcorn at midnight and you didn’t even stir.”

Hermes makes a face like he’s suppressing a smile, and he’s not happy about it, “have you been drinking, every time you’ve been out?”

Dio stays quiet. He just feels like shit. He wants Hermes to get to the point.

“Do you know how bad drinking is for kids?” Dio can’t help but roll his eyes. 

“Oh my god, yeah, it’s bad for your development, you’re gonna become an addict when you grow up, whatever, I've heard it all before.”

“This isn’t a fucking joke, Dio!” Hermes snaps, and Dio jumps at the sudden volume, his heart stuttering, “even if you stopped now your life could be affected forever– god, not even getting into brain development, you’re wandering around the city of Athens drunk by yourself! Not even adults feel safe doing that! Do you have any idea the kind of risk you’re taking, every night, just to get drunk?”

He hunches his shoulders, his face flushing. Hermes is so overreacting, he was fine. He’d always stuck to the touristy places, he knew not to talk to strangers, he’s not a child.

He stays quiet as Hermes looks at him, not wanting to satisfy him with an answer. Not even knowing what to say. 

Hermes sighs, letting his hand fall on the table, “how long have you been drinking?”

Dio shrugs.

“Since you moved in with Dad?”

He can’t help but look up at hermes in surprise, but he quickly catches himself, looking away. 

Hermes smiles, but it’s sad, “it’s easy to drink with dad, isn’t it? He’s so damn careless, he just leaves out his drinks everywhere. He even asks you to bring him a drink, and he never comments on it when you grab two.”

Dio stares at Hermes with wide eyes. 

Hermes lets out a huff of air that could be a laugh “yeah, I know what it’s like. I never really got into drinking. Just wasn’t my scene. I’ve seen our other siblings fall into it, though. You should’ve seen Apollo when he was a teen, oof.”

Apollo. One of his siblings. He’s still not exactly sure how many of them he has. It’s not like he’s met any other than Hermes. They don’t give a shit about him. 

Still, he can’t help but desperately want to hear more about him.

“You know, Apollo and Artemis, they were also like you. Their Mom also died. Hera dumped her in the middle of nowhere when she promised to give her a ride to the hospital.”

“Oh,” Dio breathes. His stepmom never liked him that much. He’s still stunned that she would do something like that. 

“Yeah. Hera swears up and down she thought that she had her phone with her, but it doesn’t even matter what the truth is, the result was the same,” Hermes sighs, “when they found out, Artemis just withdrew in herself, stayed out of the house as much as possible, but Apollo,” Hermes shrugs, “he basically did the same as you. I remember once he told me that it was because drinking was the only thing that made him feel okay. Made him able to stand Hera’s presence.” 

That’s… almost like him. 

“And, you know, after a while, he couldn’t not drink. He’d get sick when he couldn’t. Get all shaky, and nauseous. Sometimes he hallucinated.”

His heart pounded in his ears, matching the pounding in his head. 

“... I thought there was something wrong with me,” Dio breathes. He’d thought that he was crazy, that he had some sort of undiscovered disease that could only be fixed with alcohol. That he’d be sent off to a psych ward the moment he breathed a word. “What– what happened to him?”

“He’s doing pretty good for himself, right now,” Dio lets out a slow breath, tension that he hadn’t even noticed receding almost immediately, “don’t get me wrong, it got pretty bad for him. He got into some other stuff, and he had to hit rock bottom to realize that he needed to change. He quit everything, got sober, and now he’s a doctor. Or a musician? Man, he’s changed his career so many times I can't keep track. The point is, he’s happy. I think he’s like, fifteen years sober now.”

“Wow,” Dio murmurs, “and he didn’t, like– he got better?” whenever he tried to quit, he thought he was dying. No, he didn’t think it. He knew he was. He needed to drink. How could anyone get better? 

Hermes blinks, “what do you mean?”

Dio shrugs, feeling deeply uncomfortable, “... I get sick when I don't drink. Like, really, really sick. I thought I was dying,” his eyes sting with tears and Hermes leans forwards, something like concern in his expression.

“No, no, no, no, I promise, Dio, you’re not. It’s just withdrawal. Your body’s become dependent on drinking to function, so when alcohol is taken away, there’s an adjustment period. Withdrawal absolutely sucks, but you get through to the other side, okay?”

“Okay,” Dio mumbles. 

Hermes sighs, “how much have you been drinking?”

“Not as much recently.”

“Before you moved in with me?”

Dio shrugs, “I would like… pretty much everything I drank was a drink of some kind.”

“Okay,” Hermes sighs, “and now?”

“Like, I dunno. It depended on what I had. At least a few every day.”

“Okay,” Hermes rubs his face, “we got some options for what to do, here. You obviously can’t keep drinking–”

Dio’s scowls.

“Dio,” Hermes sighs, “did you not listen to me talk about all the dangers?”

“Half the dangers would be cut if you gave me alcohol,” he mumbles, shrugging his shoulders.

“I’m obviously not gonna do that.”

“Whatever,” Dio shrugs, “I'm gonna move back in with Dad soon, anyway, so what do you care? I’ll just start drinking again.”

“You think I'm gonna let you move back in with Dad?” Dio blinks, snapping his head to look at Hermes. There’s no sign of a joke on his face.

“what?

“Letting kids drink is child abuse. Child neglect, at the very least. They won’t let you go back, even if Dad wins the case.”

Child neglect? It’s really not that serious… right? 

“… won’t I… go to foster care?” he mumbles. That’s always what he figured, if dad lost the case. Hermes wouldn’t want to deal with him full time. 

“Not when you have a willing guardian, sitting right here,” Hermes smiles, but Dio’s face feels paralyzed. 

“… oh,” for so long, he’d been working on the assumption that he wouldn’t be staying here. That it was all temporary, as everything has been since Mom died. It’s trippy as hell to suddenly have to consider like, staying here. Permanently. There’s no way.

“Yeah. And since letting you drink isn’t an option, we need to figure out the best way to help you stop.”

If he stays here, he’ll have to stop drinking, and the thought is so horrible he can’t help the way his face crumples,“why? Why do I have to stop?”

“Dio–”

“It’s the only thing that makes me feel better! I can’t– I can't breathe when I don't drink, I can't do anything because I just feel so– empty. Drinking makes it go away, Hermes, I need to drink.”

“That’s grief, bud,” Hermes sighs, “it’s the– worst feeling in the world. It’s so tempting to just take something to make it go away, huh?”

Dio nods frantically, wiping away tears. 

“That doesn’t work, though. Drinking to avoid feeling it is, like,” he waves his hand, “like ignoring a wound. It feels like it’s helping, it’s nice to pretend that it isn’t there, but it is, and it’s not gonna get any better, not until you deal with it.”

Dio’s tears are now coming so fast that wiping them away is futile, “but I don't know how.”

“I can help you, Dio, there’s people who can help. You have to do all the heavy lifting yourself, but there’s people who can give you the tools. Give it time, and work, and sometime in the future, it’ll start feeling like you can breathe again. But the first step is to stop drinking.”

He can’t stop himself, and he covers his face as he lets out a little sob. He wants a hug, but he doesn’t want hermes. He wants his mom. He wants to go back to before all this. Before he started drinking. Before any of this ever happened. 

Hermes stays where he is, and eventually, Dio manages to get himself under control. He has to spend a good minute breathing, before he can finally bring himself to ask, “what are the options?”

Hermes lets out a big, almost relieved sigh, “the first one is, you can go to rehab– it’s not like how it is in the media!” Hermes hastily says at Dio’s expression, “Apollo went, he can tell you what it’s like, if you want? You’d be there for about a month, but they can give you great tools to help you deal with your grief, and they can help you through the withdrawals. There’ll be lots of people there in the same position as you who understand what it’s like as well.”

He… kind of likes the idea of meeting Apollo, but he’ll probably hate him, so maybe not. He doesn’t like the idea of another change. Staying in another place, with people he doesn’t know. What if at the end, Hermes just doesn’t pick him up? What would they do with him then?

Dio crosses his arms, “what’s the other option?”

Hermes sighs, “I guess… the other option is that you try to stop by yourself. Quitting instantly is dangerous, so we’d have to wean you off onto lighter drinks to make the withdrawal less intense. I’ll find you a therapist as well, and they can help you with it.”

Dio nods, “I like that one a lot more.” he’d get to stay here, at least. 

Hermes frowns, “the downsides are that you have a lot more opportunity to relapse–” Dio blinks at the strange word, “slip back into drinking. You know how to sneak out, you know that I'm a heavy sleeper. It’ll be way too easy for you. There won’t be anyone else who gets it, either. You’ll just have me, a therapist, and maybe Apollo, if he’s up for it.”

“I want to do that one,” Dio insists, and Hermes sighs. 

“Okay. but– Dio, you only get a certain amount of chances, okay? If you relapse too many times, then that means it’s not working, and that we need to try rehab, okay?”

“Okay,” Dio mumbles. Would he be able to keep himself from relapsing? Already, all he wants is another drink, so he doesn’t feel hungover anymore. How will he feel in a few days?

“Okay,” Hermes sighs, “I love you, kid.”

Dio blinks, “you haven’t even known me for more than a year.”

“And I still love you. Crazy how that works, huh?”

Dio looks down at his lap, his face feeling hot. Hermes is lying, obviously, you can’t love someone that fast, but–

It’s still really nice to hear it. 

“You don’t need to say it back, or anything. Just know that I got your back, no matter what, okay? I’m gonna help you with this.”

“Okay,” Dio sighs, “I'm really tired.”

“Yeah,” Hermes huffs, “you’re probably overdue a nap, huh? C’mon, let's see if they’re done talking.”

Right, Hypnos is going through his own talk with his older brother. He hopes he’s okay. He wordlessly follows him out of the room, almost wanting to loop his arm through Hermes’ arm, just like how he did with mom. 

He doesn’t. He’s too tired for any of that.

#long fic #hades game #dionysus #hermes #deleted scene

[harmfulb1tch]

Mistakes turned to insults - (Dad! Maverick x Daughter! Reader)

A/N: Had this idea in the bus and it was too good to pass sooooo here it is.

Fandom: Top Gun: Maverick

Warnings: Argument, angst, swearing, BITCHY reader! (Quite bitchy actually)

Part 2

——————————

Pete ‘Maverick’ Mitchell, naval aviator, Captain of the United States army and father of a little girl (now woman) called Y/N.

Not a lot of people would think of him as a good father, but in reality he really was. He was spoiled her little girl to treats but without making them a brat, spent all the time he could with her, he tried to always contact her while he was deported away from home and was very protective of her. Maybe a bit too over-protective.

He was a little bit hesitant when his daughter broke the news to him that she wanted to be a naval aviator, just like him. It didn’t come as a surprise to him, since his daughter was a bit too much like him. And it’s not like he hadn’t been encouraging her to join the army either, he was just scared she would loose her too. He didn’t want what happened to Goose happen to her as well. Either way, his daughter convinced him and he let her go on the condition she would train a lot so that she wouldn’t have any incidents and that he could choose her call sign. And that is how Y/N Mitchell became “Hawk”.

In the end, Y/N became one of the best pilots and was admitted into Top Gun, that was one of the happiest days for her father. He threw a party, not a big one of course, since it was just them both, but still. It’s the intention that matters.

Although he was extremely proud of his daughter, no father is prepared to feel the fear for his daughter’s life like he was about to. He had recently been called to go back to TOP GUN to train some pilots for a highly dangerous mission. The moment the man entered the classroom seeing Y/N “Hawk” Mitchell seated in one of the tables, he went completely pale. The man should’ve felt proud that his daughter was claimed as one of the best pilots in the navy, but he was just scared for her life. He couldn’t do anything to stop her from being in the classroom, but he had one idea straight: Y/N was NOT going on one of those planes.

Days passed and the day of the mission was only getting closer. Maverick was only seeing great results from his daughter, she was one of the best of the group, what did he expect? She was his daughter. And he knew Y/N was only getting angrier and angrier at him because he still refused to let her go. She was prepared for the mission.

“Today, we will simulate the flight you will have to perform the day of the mission. You will fly under the misil’s radar, that is, under 100ft. You will also have to reach the target in less than 3 minutes. Go.” He instructed, the pilots automatically grabbing their things to go to their planes, thinking and talking about how nuts the mission was.

After the mission, everyone was shocked by how well you had performed, even your dad. You had reached the target in the required time, two and a half minutes. Everyone congratulated you, but when you looked at your dad, he looked extremely… disappointed?

“Hey dad? Are you ok? I reached the target in time! Isn’t that exciting?” You said, trying to cheer him up. Your innocence thought he was feeling down because you were the only one that had actually reached the target. You said this with an incredibly bright smile plastered on your face, which started to disappear the moment your father started nodding his head with a “no” motion.

“Y/N, you are one the greatest pilot in this team. Hell, you are one of the best pilots on TOP GUN!” He stated with a hint of trying to convince himself

“Yeah dad… I’m having a hard time catching up… how is that a bad thing?” You were starting to get angry, but most importantly sad. You worked incredibly hard to live up to your dad’s name. You needed to be the best, just to make him feel proud.

“Kiddo… you’re not going on that mission. I can’t afford to risk to loose you.” You were crushed by his words. A tear falling down your face and sniffing, you looked to your feet. Anger started bubbling inside of you, you felt like you were going to explode.

“But… dad I’m ready! You saw it out there, I reached the target on time and even had a bit extra! Please dad… I will not fail…” you tried to convince him, but you could see he was getting angry too.

“You will NOT GO Y/N. I don’t give a FUCK if you are ready or not! Even if you were the best pilot in the WORLD I would NEVER LET YOU GO ON THIS MISSION” Everyone in the room went silent, you had forgotten there was people still in the room. Tears started falling down your face and you couldn’t control yourself to stop them.

“Dad.. If you don’t want me to fly, at least give me an RIO, I can do that as well!” That completely broke your dad.

“You will not fly a plane and YOU WILL NOT BE A RIO! How many times do I have to tell you? YOU. ARE. NOT. GOING. Much less as a RIO!”

You hated crying in public, he was humiliating you a lot. Not only you were crying, making you look weak in your teammate’s eyes, you were also being lectured by your dad in front of anyone at the age of 25?! Anger completely replaced your sadness. The next words that came out of you, came out as a blur. You didn’t control your next words at all.

“JUST BECAUSE YOU FUCKED UP AND KILL HIM, DOESN’T MEAN I’M GOING TO DO THE SAME! OR THAT OTHER PILOTS ARE AS RECKLESS AS YOU ARE!” You immediately regretted your words. You knew who ‘him’ was perfectly, and he did too. Silence filled the room and the tension in the air could have been cut with a butter knife.

“Hey dad… I’m sorry I shouldn’t-“

“It’s fine, you are all dismissed…” but things were far from fine. You started having a panic attack in that moment. You had just shouted at your dad, the man that has sacrificed a lot of his life for you, the man that tried to take care of you the best he could without a mother figure to back him up, and shouted at him about the thing he feels the guiltiest of.

You ran out of the room crying, pushing through the team. Rooster put a hand on your shoulder, caressing it lightly. You hadn’t even stopped to think that it was his dad that died that day. He slowly helped you exit the room and sat you on a bench outside. He put an arm around your shoulders and without a word, you started crying into his chest.

——————

A/N: thanks for reading! I hope you all like it and let me know if you want a part 2.

#top gun #top gun: maverick #top gun maverick #rooster top gun #maverick #fanfic #x reader #self insert #fanfics #maverick x y/n #maverick x reader #dad!maverick #dad!mav #dad #dad!maverick x reader #daughter reader #top gun fanfiction #top gun x reader #kinda rooster x reader #kinda sad

[fear-is-nameless]

Antimatter

From the spellbook in Argentum Inanis;

IRIS = Antimatter

But what exactly is antimatter?

(It’s complicated).

In the 1920′s, scientists were figuring out an equation to go with the theory of relativity (E=mc²; mass transforms into energy/ energy into mass) to describe the behavior of an electron moving at a high speed.

They succeeded. But this new equation could have 2 solutions; 1 for an electron with negative energy & the other an electron with positive energy. The conclusion is for every particle there exists a corresponding anti-particle that's an exact match & behaves identically, but with an opposite charge.

The theory is matter & antimatter existed in equal amounts after the Big Bang. However, if true, as soon as each atom connected to its’ twin counterpart, they should’ve obliterated each other into pure light energy. It’s thought there was ever slightly more matter for unbalance, but that (& why antimatter’s so rare) is a mystery.

So, what does this mean for Anti?

It shows more of his persona- deeper than just “Jack’s evil ego”.

Think about it; particles that behave in the similar way but with the opposite charge. His text is zalgo. His speech is electronic/ layered. His movements unnatural, glitchy & spontaneous. He distorts reality itself at his height of power. 

He is broken in our world. It’s not by his own choice, but what he’s created from & existing in a universe that can’t support him.

Also, it explains some destructive traits. Antimatter is extremely unstable; any contact with its’ twin counterpart would be instant annihilation for both-

into an enormous amount of pure energy. Maybe Anti has the scale tipped in his favor to not be destroyed himself permanently, or he’s a lesser form of antimatter all together. But that potential energy. Can Anti harness it? Is that how time travel is possible or why time is broken at all?

If he really is a fractured entity misplaced in this world, maybe that’s why he’s willing to lash out;

To make everyone else suffer for his own existence ?

In KJSE, Anti kept saying that “there are no strings on me”, how he's “in control” & “this is MY world!”. Almost as if he wants that stability (no matter how to get it), that normality, & that's why;

But how? How do we help someone so unhinged, violent & constantly tearing apart the fabric of reality? Or can we only watch?

Finally, I’m curious about IRIS = Antimatter.

I wondered if it was an acronym as it’s all capitalized, but (at this time) I couldn’t find anything 6/22 update; it is an acronym! I also think of the the colored band of an eye around the black pupil.

That thought alone brought back a lot of old theories. How often we’ve been told to keep watching, even though in the very same spellbook (& vid description/ title at one point) said DON’T MAKE EYE CONTACT. How eyes (even Jacksepticeye/ Sam, the channel logo) are like reflective surfaces, not unlike mirrors. 

And Anti’s been making said eye contact with US since the start.

Perhaps our attention is still something he needs, as he knows we’ll never stop watching.

But... Why is this sidenote, “IRIS = Antimatter” in the spellbook in the first place?

Why was Marvin researching this? What exactly is he looking for? I know the video’s short, but he didn’t seem to take the warnings seriously (use with caution, inform an AIMC immediately! DON’T make eye contact) he still touched the orb. Yes, he was startled to see those images, but that same vortex also appeared at the end-

..... Marvin, despite the risks, either intentionally or by accident,

what have you DONE?

#jacksepticeye #antisepticeye #antimatter #spooky magic 10/2020 #really curious for your guys' input

[p0ssywhippedcream]

gooooood morning, I just had this thought so decided to send it before I forgot; would u write something kinda angsty about L’s s/o who panics about how fast their relationship is going and tries to break up with him but he doesn’t want to? (Gender neutral, and maybe L is more anxious/sad then angry?) thank you ✨💕

You stand in the doorway, apprehensive as you listen to the clack of fingers on a keyboard.

Slowly, you make your way into the room and sit down next to L. He throws you a sideway glance with a small smile of acknowledgement and your heart skips a beat.

“L, can…can we talk?”

He nods with his eyes still fixated on his computer.

“I think… it’d be best if we broke up…”

L chokes and turns to you with an astonished expression.

“Why do you think that? I was under the impression everything was going smoothly..”

You can see the doubt creeping into his punctured heart and you move to mend it, move to hug him like you always do but you know that’ll do more damage than good so you hold yourself back.

“It’s not you.. really. I think it’s all going so fast, you’ve got more important priorities and things to do and there wouldn’t be any time for me and once you stop acting like you want me around you, it’s going to feel like you never did. I can’t do that again, I can’t have love fizzle out with someone i genuinely enjoy being around. I don’t want to loose you just because the romance fades.”

L listens patiently, he watches your saddened face, your shaking hands, your legging bouncing, your teeth pulling the skin of your lip as you await a reply.

“You think that I only act as though I want you around, and that I don’t actually?”

You wished he had ignored that part, it’s always hard to ask someone if you’re being a burden because that makes you feel even more like one for them having to comfort you. You drop eye contact and stare at the rip in your pants.

“I know you do, L. I can see it. You’re never enthusiastic about me, even in your own way. You don’t tell me I’m attractive without prompt and you only ever look at me like you care about me when I listen to you talk. It feels like it’s not even a relationship, I’m just someone who listens and who puts your job at risk, someone close to L would endanger his identity anyway.”

L thinks for a moment.

“That’s about three reasons, all three I can debunk. I do want to be around you, although it may not be obvious due to my lack of romantic relationships in my past, and I do think you’re attractive, I just thought it was an obvious fact that didn’t need reinstatement. You only see me looking at you during those times because the other times I do, you’re not paying attention to my facial features.”

L took a breath and then decided to reach for your hand with a calming smile.

“And I am enthusiastic about you, it’s simply internal. I will try to make it more external though. Nobody is smart enough to assume that I am L and you are my lover, besides I have safely protocols in place that I created myself incase there where to be any situation where my identity were to be compromised. Last point, if you think our romantic relationship is going too fast, you should’ve told me. I simply assumed since we were friends before it, it would be essentially the same with the occasional romance. Obviously, that was a misjudgment. Because I trust you, I’m willing to let you correct me where I fail, as this is new territory for me. Now that that’s solved, is there anything else?”

Your misery slowly morphed into contentment and relaxation, you shook your head and sighed, ready to apologize.

L recognized your face and pulled you into a hug. “It’s okay, my dear, there’s nothing to be sorry for. I hear you, I love you.”

You let your body go limp on L’s face in his shoulder, and he slyly snuck a sweet up to your lips with his hand, a tiny grin barely visible on his face as you accepted it.

#oph.thoughts #oph.asks #death note #l lawliet x reader #l x reader #L angst #L lawliet angst #L Lawliet x reader angst #l lawliet fluff #l lawliet x reader fluff #l x reader fluff #l x reader angst

[lacontroller1991]

Admittance Is the First Step (Rick Flag x F!Reader)

Main Master List       DC Master List

Requested by @11thstreetvigilante : “What you see in me is what I want to see in myself” with Rick? ❤️

Warnings: Alcohol consumption, language, talk of death ideation, Rick is depressed, reader is in love, angst with happy ending

Word Count: 1.4k

----------

Rick grimaces as he chugs the drink down, setting the empty glass on the bar and signaling for the tender to fill it up for the fifth time. It’s nine o'clock on a Tuesday and he could swear that he’s the only one in the bar save for the local prostitute hanging out in the back.

“Thought I would find you here,” you set your bag down on the counter as you slide into the seat next to Rick, placing an order for a gin and tonic to the bartender who immediately gets to work on the drink. “Thought you would be heading home by now.”

“Can’t.” Rick doesn’t miss the way you cock your head to the side, confusion written all over your face but with him not providing any more details you decide not to press the issue. It’s always like this whenever he comes home from a mission. He will put the prisoners back in their cell, finish up whatever report he needed to do for Waller and then drink away his sorrows immediately after, which has led to many late night phone calls for you to pick him up, except this time he didn’t call, it was a gut feeling.

Sighing, you scroll through your phone in silence. On the nights like tonight where he’s locked himself up in a bar, he typically doesn’t do much talking and you know he would rather drink in quietness than in noise and you can’t say you blame him, after all, some down time is definitely needed after dealing with people like Digger Harkness and Harley Quinn.

Rick will never admit it, but he doesn’t want to be sitting in silence. He wants to be able to talk to you, tell you all about the mission as you lend an ear where he can talk to you honestly and without the ears of Waller and her lackeys. He doesn’t know why he trusts you as much as he does, afterall, anybody who works for Waller obviously does not care for their life, but for some reason, Rick feels like he can trust you with anything. Maybe it’s because you’re always there to patch him up after a mission gone south, or maybe it’s the way that you’ll stay with him in the darkest parts of the night when he can’t sleep, or maybe it’s the way you have always said positive things to him in an attempt to soothe him.

“Lost 4 people today.” The words are quiet and if the bar was noisy, you probably wouldn’t have heard them, but you did and your heart drops. One of the many things that you love about Rick is that even though all those felons have committed several heinous crimes against humanity, he still showed them human kindness despite the rest of the prison staff treating them like scum. “Could’ve been avoided if I had only listened to Waller instead of my own gut.” Rick picks up the glass and drinks the amber liquid in a second. If it burned going down, he made no notion of it. “I should’ve listened.”

“You took a risk, Rick. Not all of them are going to pay off, but you got the remainder of the team back to safety and you got yourself to safety and that’s the most important thing.”

Rick scoffs as he leans forward on the bar counter top, turning his head to the side and eyeing you up and down, dressed in your normal clothes. “You know, sometimes I wish I don’t make it back at all. I sometimes wish that I’ll die or be kidnapped on a mission just so I don’t have to face everybody after another failed mission.” The admittance stops your heart. Sure Rick gets depressed after missions, it’s hard not to, but you have never heard him say that he “wishes to die”, not once, not ever.

“You take those words back. You have no clue how much you mean to these prisoners.” To me, you think to yourself as he rolls his eyes and glances down at the empty glass, tugging his bottom lip between his teeth as he muses over his words.

“What would even happen if I die? Pretty sure Waller would find someone to cover my spot and that’s that. Would anyone even shed a tear? I work day and night, I go home to an empty apartment, I have no one in my life that I care to share joy with. I mean I have been living at the prison so much that the only thing in my fridge is a case of beer and pizza from two weeks ago.”

Holding the tears at bay, you slip out of your seat and slip your arms around his waist, nuzzling your face into his back as you sniffle. How can he really not notice the way you care for him? How can he not notice the way he makes life for the prisoners so much better? “You’re so fucking stupid, Richard.”

Rick freezes in his chair. “Excuse me?” He turns around in your grasp as you let go of him, crossing your arms across your chest as if you’re hugging yourself. 

“How the fuck can you not notice how much you mean to the squad?”

“They don’t care about me. They only care about getting time off their sentences.” You shake your head in disagreement, wiping tears out of your eyes as Rick raises an eyebrow. Why is she crying?

“Rick, stop kidding yourself, you know that’s not true. Think about all the times they have gone back for you because they know you would go back for them. Even though they’re assholes, they adore you. But beside the point, how the fuck can you not notice how much you mean to me?” All is quiet in the bar as the bartender and prostitute watch on in entertainment and in curiosity as to what’s going on. “I love you, Rick. I love your smile, I love your eyes, I love your voice, I love the way you command people, I love your terrible terrible jokes, I love the way you doodle on my notebook periodically even if I can’t make out what it is sometimes. I love the way you help others, I love the way you put yourself on the line for innocents, I love the way you don’t let people talk shit about your squad, I love the way you trust me enough to open up about your day, I love the way you allow yourself to be vulnerable around me, and I really love the way you’re yourself when you’re around me. I love you, Rick Flag, and I am not going to let you talk about wanting to ‘die’ or wanting to be ‘kidnapped’ because if something happened to you, I just know I would not survive.”

Rick doesn’t make a comment on your monologue and a little part of your mind is eating away in denial that he’ll return the feelings. Rick’s lip twitches upward for a second as he looks to the floor, finding his shoes all of the sudden fascinating as he takes in your words. He supposes he’s always known about your feelings, but now with them out in the open, he knows that he feels the same way about you. “What you see in me is what I want to see in myself.”

Your eyes soften as you take a step forward, unlocking your arms as they fall to your side awkwardly, not knowing really what to do with them as a thought pops into your mind. “Then let me show you. Move in with me.”

“What?”

“Move in with me. I have plenty of space at my house. That way you will always be able to come home to a warm, inviting house with a warm meal cooked for you, so that you’re not living off cheap beer and stale pizza. Let me show you just how much I adore you. Let me help you start to believe that about yourself, because Rick, you are so much more than you think. Please let me show you that.”

“I’d take her up on her offer,” the bar tender quips, polishing a glass as the prostitute listens in with eagerness as Rick hangs his head. She does have a point, you could use somebody like her in your life. You could use a companion outside the office.”

“Ok. I’ll move in with you, and (Y/N)?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

==========

Author’s Note: Basically just a love letter to our Colonel.

General Tag List: @marvelousmermaid @himbovillain-anon @babblydrabbly @a-reader-and-a-writer @fairchildflag @infatuatedjanes

Joel Tag List: @aestheticallywinchester @loverhymeswith @xoxabs88xox @t-i-n-y-d-i-n-o @witchygagirl @the1redrose @ratcatcher2world @green-socks @weallhaveadestiny @yourjacketisnowdry @rachelh1992 @a-girl-who-loves-disney @knivesareout @bubblegloopswampwitch @waspswidows @burntghoost @mattymurdocksbitch @katjnordstrom96 @11thstreetvigilante @yespolkadotkitty @heresathreebee @madkovacs @wxr-zxne @wtfobiwan @alieninoklahoma @violetmuses​ @stevensgordo​ @neon-supernova​ @ijustthinkrickflagisprettyneat​ 

#rick flag x reader #rick flag x you #rick flag #Joel kinnaman #colonel rick flag x reader #colonel rick flag x you #colonel rick flag #colonel flag x reader #colonel flag x you #colonel flag #the suicide squad #tss #dceu tss #rick flag fanfic #rick flag fanfiction #female reader #reader insert #suicide squad #I love rick flag #lacontroller1991

[iamyoursonly]

Just a request (28/9/2023)

just me coping bc of ch236

When I fell in love with you, I don’t remember you leaving so soon, you were the sweetest thing ever, and how could I not fall in love with you more. Turning back to look at the past, seeing that now I’m just lonely and the silence was too quiet…

I remember having a crush on you since forever, you were that very handsome neighbour that had so many fans. When you told me your name, I was extremely happy and slept that night thinking about you. I still remember that name and it’s been so long already.

Gojo Satoru, that was your name. You had the prettiest face and no bad hair day at all, you always had this cocky grin on your face and sometimes I really hate it. I always sighed when I walked past you on the street, you always tease me about my morning hair when I bump into you while walking to school.

“Satoru, stop!” I would say, and that black hair guy with bangs would always take my side. “Yeah, stop.” He says. And you just pout and walk away, then telling us to walk faster to keep up with you. Suguru and I always laugh together when you do that.

When you finally asked me out, I was overjoyed but was aware of our line of work that I might lose you one day unknowingly. Turns out I lost you too soon for my liking.

Twenty eight years old. You passed away at twenty eight. I visit your grave everyday, mourning and bawling my eyes out. I remember you calling me before you passed out and I was running as fast as possible so that I could reach you. When I did, you had already stopped breathing. The last thing you told me on the call was ‘I love you, please take care of yourself.’

Suguru left before you just a year ago, you came home crying about you killed you best friend and you were so sad, we grabbed ice cream and cuddled until we finally slept. That night, I thought that your bright blue eyes has lost all its light, but there was just this small fire inside that was influencing you to live, and I believed that it was me. Oh darling, all of the city lights couldn’t shine as bright as your smile. It lights up the world when you do. Now that you’re gone and I can’t do anything about it, I just pray to the Gods to bring you back to life for as many times as I can, and then cry myself to sleep, knowing that it would be impossible.

On your twentieth birthday, we went out to karaoke and sung our hearts out, Suguru would somehow find us and join in, and we were just having fun together. I remember you finding out that Suguru had a crush on me and the two of you had a fight. You can home with bruises and cried in my embrace. I loved you, I really did. Maybe because the world didn’t think I deserve you so they took you away. Or maybe I was just not trying hard enough to keep you by my side.

The comforting words you tell me always ring in my ear, and I just think that the Gods are punishing me when they do. They took you away and they keep reminding me of you, in fact, everything does.

We did everything together and loved together. I still remember Shoko finding a ring in your drawer in that red velvet box, when she handed that to me, I really regret not getting to you sooner, I should’ve risked my life to save you. Wearing that ring on my ring finger reminds me of you, the blue diamond on the ring has the same shade as your eyes, I really want to ask you if that was on purpose or just random. But you aren’t around.

I know you told me to live even if you weren’t around, you were around for the majority of my life, I want to stay with you, where’d you go? “I’ll always be here for you.” You tell me everyday, and I believed that.

Look at us now, you’re up there and I’m right here, come back to me, my love and I will protect you this time. A request, I would like the Gods to give you back to this world, even if this request is selfish, I hope that you would bear with me… Recalling your funeral, it was no fun, your body was in that wooden big box and you looked like you were sleeping soundly. As much as I wanted to hug you and cry, hoping that it was all fake and was just a dream. You were just in there. In there without me. I used to want to hang myself so that I could be with you, knowing that you won’t like the idea of that. But I was selfish, very selfish.

I pray to the Gods every day, every night with a request in mind, to bring you back to me. To this world, because you’re needed, by me and everyone. Please, I beg.

“Is that you, Satoru?” I choked out. And you were there, “I’m home darling.”

My request was fulfilled. Thank you Gods, I owe my life to you. And that diamond on my ring shone brighter than ever.

master list

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