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#and i'm already getting that post concert depression
jinhyun · 9 days
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anyway my girls (itzy) are currently in chile and i think i'm in need of moral support
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bettysupremacy · 3 months
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hii! I was wondering if you could write a fic with reader and any marauder (they all fit) and maybe helping or becoming protective over the reader after a concert or party after a creep follows the reader? 😭
I went through a similar experience with a guy following me around after I went to the restroom after a concert, and it ruined my night if i'm being honest, I was scared 😞 I'm not the most shy of people and usually I can handle myself but it was pretty dark and idk the adrenaline from feeling happy to scared shifted pretty quickly. Luckily I found my friends and let them know and we quickly went back to our car (along with a few dirty looks from my friends god bless lol). I swore I could go to the restroom by myself- will not be doing that again :(
you can ignore this request if it makes you uncomfortable!
thank uu
i’m so sorry that happened to you! “(they all fit)”= poly marauders!
There’s something about post concert depression, especially when you’re with the band.
Your glitter eyeshadow is smudged, eyeliner untouched. You’d been shaken around in the pit of your boyfriends fans, and yet the paint hasn’t budged. God bless water-proof makeup. The world seems prettier like this, touched by alcohol and the feeling of soaring pride for your boyfriends. The glittery lights and signs of time square never fail to dazzle you, even now as you lean against Sirius morosely.
“M’hungry.” You frown, toes tipping up towards Sirius, though you fear the mumble may have been more for yourself.
His attention is diverted towards the boys as they discuss what to do now. Plans of how to get home and where to eat. His finger taps your cheek slowly, his focus paying you no mind. Words like Uber, hotel, room service echo throughout their very repetitive conversation.
“Sirius.”
He looks down, a little shocked and sorry at his own attention. “Yes, lovely?”
“M’hungry.”
“Hungry?” He asks, cringing. You’re about thirty minutes from the hotel, and even then, room service will take another thirty.
“So hungry.”
He sighs, unsure of what to do.
“There’s a hotdog stand over there.” You grab his tattooed bicep to balance yourself as you point to your right.
He thinks, peering down at you. “This won’t ruin your dinner?” It’s midnight, but still.
“No,” you sing, reaching up to cup his cheeks. “I really want a hotdog.
He flushes, looking away from your wandering eyes. Normally he wouldn’t let you out of his sight. They would never let you out of their sight in a place like this. But the cart is in eye view of the boys, and he has faith in you not to stray, even in your inebriated manor. It’s not that they don’t trust you, they just prefer to keep you safe themselves. Is that okay?
“Okay,” He murmurs, pulling out his wallet, handing you his card. “At least get the good toppings.”
“I always get the good toppings.” You pull away.
The walk is short and the cart is colorful. Red and white stripes, curvy calligraphy. It shines in your inebriated vision. Beautiful. The queues not long, just an older man waiting in front of you, but it feels like forever as the generous man (with the toppings as well) takes your order and wraps it in warm aluminum foil.
You take the hotdog eagerly. “Thank you.”
It’s heavy in your hands, warm too. You yell Sirius’ name excitedly, waving the hotdog above your head for him to see. He laughs, thumbs up until you bump into a man, smile fading, concern etching his brows.
“Oh,” you murmur, looking up. “I’m sorry.”
“No problem,” he smiles. It’s uncomfortable, not the smile of a friendly civilian.
You laugh. It’s polite, anyone can see that, but he leans closer. He smells like liquor, a disgusting discovery that has you subconsciously leaning away.
“You new around here?”
An actual laugh stumbles out of your lips. “London? No.”
He takes this as an entrance. “You should show me around.”
“No, thank you.” You try to walk past him. Towards Sirius who’s already walking over. “Goodnight.”
“Wait,” he grabs your arm, pulling you back. His fingers dig into your elbow painfully.
“What the fuck,” you gasp, pulling your arm away roughly. “don’t touch me.”
“C’mon,” The man slurs, fingers reaching for you again. “Don’t be-“
“Hello?” Sirius walks up, all stock. He grabs your forearm pulling you to him firmly, getting in between you and the man. He’s not much taller, but more intimidating in demeanor. “Do we have a problem?”
“No,” the man scoffs.
“Cause it looks like you put your hands on her.”
He scoffs again, clearly inebriated. “We were just talking.”
“Well, conversations over now.”
“She can make her own decisions.”
“Fuck off, bro.” Sirius waves his hand dismissively. Quickly, he walks you towards the boys who are peeking their eyes up from the Uber app.
“She was asking for it.”
Sirius reels back, dropping your forearm to shove the scary stranger in the chest. He pushes hard, the man losing his balance as he falls to the ground in a sickening thud. You gasp loudly, the unexpected conflict startling you. Vaguely you hear Sirius say something to him, but you’re too focused on the way the man looks up at you.
James and Remus are there in seconds, quick on Sirius’s heels. They pull at him, up and off the man. There were no real punches thrown, no real injuring blows, it wasn’t even enough to form a crowd. But still, you’re shaken. You shiver like a leaf under your James’ leather jacket, suddenly not feeling the warmth of the alcohol you’d consumed before the concert.
Slowly, you stumble back and way from your boys, to the bench next to the shitty bar you’d passed on your way home. That had been scary, but you’re safe; that had been scary, but Sirius dealt with it. You bring your hand up to your chest, setting the hotdog you had been eager to buy down next to you.
“Hi,” Remus pushes aside the hotdog to sit next to you. “Are you okay?”
You look up to the boy, blindingly beautiful in the streetlights and advertisements. “Yes.”
He pushes some stray hair from your face. “He didn’t hurt you?”
“I think it was more startling.” James sits on the other side of you, kissing your temple firmly. “I’m sorry he did that.”
“It’s okay, I’m okay.”
“She’s okay.” Sirius gruffs from where he walks over.
He sounds cooler than he thinks he looks. He’s not bruised, bloodied, or bandaged, if he were he thinks he’d look cool enough to breeze over. But then again you look mad, so maybe he doesn’t want that.
“Don’t be upset,” Sirius crouches to your level. You’re in the arms of a solid Remus. “he was a creep.”
“Are you hurt?”
“Are you trying to tell me something?” He laughs roguishly. “I thought I looked good tousled.”
He does, and you know he’ll look good on the tabloids tomorrow too. Sirius black gives black eye? You sigh at the thought.
“You do.” James feeds Sirius.
“At least someone in this relationship cares for my ego.”
“You look good.”
“Oh, now you tell me.”
You laugh, letting Sirius stare at you like you hung the moon.
“Kiss em?” He pushes his knuckles in front of your lips. His fingers throb lightly, you can feel it on your lips.
“That was stupid.”
“C’mon,” Sirius’ eyes roll as he pulls you up. “You’ve got a hotdog to eat.”
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xxkiller-muffinxx · 4 months
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As long as you're here.
Floyd x reader (Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3)
Summary: You and Floyd met when Floyd was still in brozone, but when the band separated so did you. That is until you were both captured by the mediocre artists of Veneer and velvet. Not that you care much though, your fine and healthy and your with your favorite person again.
Words: 1380
Warnings: angst, semi-cliffhanger if I plan to do a part 2
A/N: this is so rushed you guys, it's genuinely painful, but also it has most of the elements I wanted to include so if y'all would please be so kind as to like this if you enjoyed it that'd make my little heart so happy. In other words: stay golden and enjoy. Lemme know if y'all want a part 2!
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You groaned at your hurt vocal chords after going to another concert just that week. You wondered if you'd have a larynx of steel by the end of the month. You didn't have backstage tickets so you wandered a little ways away until you were far enough to cool off in the cool night air.
What an incredible concert, I mean you could've had more of the sensitive troll but hey! It still rocked your world. You took a few deep breaths to get rid of that post-concert buzz. You jolted to life when you heard a twig snap.
You heard the faint curses of a troll followed by a sad sigh. Your gaze Met the back of his pink haired head, and your heart dropped. You covered your mouth before a fangirl scream could fall out. You took a deep, deep breath before rising and looking at him.
He seemed startled when you spoke. “Hey… you okay there?” you said with as little excitement you could muster. However it still wasn't enough to make him think you weren't a fan.
Once he calmed down he turned away from you. “Hi. Uh…if you want an autograph just say so.” He mumbled, just clear enough for you to make out. He sat on a log, and soon enough you joined him.
“Autograph?” You whispered in return, surprised he'd assume such a thing. Then you realized he proba got that a lot more than he did comfort. “No, no, I don’t want an autograph, I'm genuine. Are you okay?” You placed a gentle, sweet hand on his shoulder.
He looked at you and it seemed like there was a switch in his whole attitude. From melancholy to downright depressed. He wiped his eyes before any tears could fall. “Sorry you have to see me like this.”
“Don’t apologize, it’s natural.” You sat next to him, looking into his eyes. “Talk to me, Floyd.”
Floyd’s eyes widened slightly at the use of his name and he seemed lost for a second. Should he talk to you? Probably not, but this is the most comfort he’s gotten in ages, so he just breaks.
He tells you everything, and in just a few hours you’re already wrapped around each other's fingers. Floyd leaning into your shoulder and you holding him tight. Letting his pain be heard. He sniffled hard and lifted his face, tears covering his poor cheeks and puffy red eyes.
You giggled at the sight, something about this whole thing was surreal. “You okay now?” you ask with a smile on your lips and in your voice. Floyd doesn’t respond verbally. Instead he just nods. Still leaning his head into your shoulder.
At some point he had grabbed onto your hand, desperate never to let go. Now he’s gently playing with your fingers. Waiting for you to tell him to stop. Which you wouldn’t.
He looked up into your eyes quickly. “Thank you for staying with me.” He whispered. You nodded your head and stroked his hand with your thumb. Then it dawned on you.
“I uh, I’m so sorry this was pretty forward of me if I’m honest, I haven’t even introduced myself.” You stood up and offered him your hand. You gently declare your name, your cheeks flushed in embarrassment at how forward you had been with him. Maybe it was because you already felt close to him. Considering he was your favorite band member.
Floyd stared into your eyes and cleared his throat. His gaze flickered away from yours and you hesitated. Ready to take back your hand at any moment. Just then his hand met yours. A chill ran down your spine as his cold contrasted with your warmth.
Your eyes stare at your connected hands, and then onto his face. His eyes were large with friendliness, but overshadowed by exhaustion and uncertainty. “It’s okay. I don’t mind at all.” He would say. You nodded slightly. Then squeezed his hand.
“I should…I should go-”
“Yeah…yeah that’s probably for the best. I gotta get home.”
“Yeah yeah. I’ll let you do that.” You said awkwardly before turning on your heel and skulking off elsewhere where you’re needed.
Floyd chuckled slightly as he watched you go away, then he heard his name being called. Despite his initial disappointment he decided maybe as long as you were there it wouldn’t be so bad.
❀✿❀✿❀✿❀✿
Many years have passed since then.
You reminisce on an old photo of you and Floyd. It was directly after another concert, the last concert before he and his brothers disappeared off the face of the earth. You kept that photo, thinking one day you'd get to see Floyd again. However, considering your current situation it was unlikely.
Trapped, inside a purple diamond with nothing to hear except thoughts and teenage screaming laughter. You were tired of it, but not afraid. Velvet and Veneer were a duo of teenagers you hated with a burning passion. You were their test dummy, to see if they could steal the song of a troll. Which you wished was impossible.
Unfortunately, today would prove to be the effect of your situation.
Velvet’s nagging voice screams in your ears as she and her brother return for a spritz. The sound of another diamond being slammed into the table cause you to have a brain reboot. You looked up and saw Velvet more excited than ever.
She was singing multiple riffs over and over, it was annoying. which made you realize that she found another troll. One more musical than you. You immediately looked at the bottle beside you. It's color colliding with yours, making it incredibly difficult to see inside of it. You didn't dare speak until the cruel duo parted.
“Psst. Hey.” you whispered to the other bottle. Trying to see who it was. They didn't respond immediately so you kept prying. “Hey…fellow inmate. I come in peace.” You joked, trying to lighten the mood despite being devoid of much joy yourself. “Please? I could use some social interaction.”
Silence followed, as if you were alone all over again. Then you began thinking. No one is there, it's hopeless. You're alone and you're going to die alone. There's no need to pretend like one day you'll have a friend here because you never will. You need to just give up already-
Then, as if by chance, a quiet voice says your name. A familiar voice. A hand presses itself against the glass and the two of you make eye contact. “Is it really you?” he says, and then a pit drops in your stomach, but pure joy fills your skull.
You gasp and move closer to him. “Floyd? Yes! Yes, it's me!” you groan as you lean your cheek into the glass. “I'm so glad to see you, but what are you doing here!” You pulled your cheek away and crossed your arms. Your eyes gentle on his familiar exhaustion.
Floyd laughed nervously then frowned. He turned and leaned on the diamond casing and slid to the ground. You mimicked him and he quietly acknowledged this. “It all happened so fast that…I just don't want to talk about it.” He seemed deeply saddened, like his whole world was crumbling before him. It really made you stop and think.
“I get that. I got a little too curious and wound up here myself. Sucks huh?”
“How can you get too curious and get locked up for it?”
“I got curious about this place and I didn't realize the song would be sucked out of me for it! Give me a break!”
That made Floyd laugh, but then he shook his head. “We have to get out of here.” Floyd said, his arms wrapping around his knees.
“Good luck with that.” you huffed. “I've been here for ages and there's no exit in sight,” you admit, a frown on your lips. You tossed your head back into the purple shield and sighed softly. “At least I have you to spend eternity with.”
Floyd looked at you. “I bet it won't be eternity, but as long as we're together, I'm okay. We're okay.” he said as he relaxed into the glass. You nodded, sighing up into your enclosure.
“Yeah, we're okay. Together.”
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pep-rambles · 1 month
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Lucifer is a Swiftie headcanons because I kin this man so much I am projecting my other hyperfixations on him
But also I mean c'mon,
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Look at him
yes there is RadioApple in this
-It probably started from Charlie. When she was in high school (post emo phase obviously) she may have enjoyed Taylor Swift (maybe Fearless got her through her senior year because I can't stop projecting) Lucifer started listening to try and have something to bond with his daughter about. But about the time Charlie kind of lost interest is about the time Lucifer doubled down on his obsession.
-He has been to basically almost every Eras concert, usually in really good seats because many a swiftie has offered to sell their soul for tickets. He said keep your soul just let him tag along.
-He is definitely an Evermore stan mostly because of relating too hard to the divorce narrative of it.
-Speaking of, Charlie has threatened to lock him out of his Spotify after catching him on the floor crying to “Champaign Problems” on repeat too many times. She never would but most definitely tried to ban him from listening to it for a month.
-She then caught him crying to “You’re Loosing Me”
-Angel Dust is most definitely  Beyhive (killer bee probably) and though initially joking that they are rivals the two men bond over their love for the two queens of pop, recommending songs and videos to each other.
-Angel is a Reputation Stan though 
-After one of Lucifer’s many tiffs with Alastor,  Charlie is expressing her frustration asking her dad why can’t they just get along and Lucifer explains that he doesn’t trust Alastor because “I think his ever-present grin is a little troubling” and is a little upset when she doesn’t get it 
-One day, Luci is sitting in the Lobby doing his work while listening to Taylor on shuffle. He’s casually minding his own business jamming out to one of her poppier love songs and Alastor wanders in commenting on the “Obnoxious trite little diddy” Lucifer doesn't even hesitate to take the bait
L: HOW DARE YOU! SHE IS A TALENTED GODDESS!! A DOWNRIGHT MUSICAL CHAMELEON! You are such a snob Alastor! Good music didn't stop getting made after your tiny little lifetime.
A: I never said it did but it's certainly not this frivolous noise!
L: Oh, you uninformed uncultured cur! She is a fucking poet!
He then proceeds to play examples for Alastor of her most creative and heart wrenching lyrics (he absolutely makes Al sit through all 10 minutes and 13 seconds of ATW) 
After all that though Lucifer will never get Alastor to admit that he finds T.S. musically talented (or that Lucifer did in fact catch Al tapping his foot a couple times)
        -Alastor does come to Lucifer, after a bit of research, admitting that though he does not find her music enjoyable, he respects her business cunning. Luci figures that's good enough. For now. 
-because I bet my non-existent Eras tour tickets that Lilith was a hater. I’ll leave it at that.
-OP works at Barnes & Noble and let me tell you there are about 80 different Taylor Swift magazines that even my swiftie ass thinks is excessive but Lucifer has every single one
-including the Taylor Swift paper dolls magazine (yes this is a real thing). He probably gets a few because he convinces Charlie to use them as a team building activity.
-He has at least 3 copies of each of the covers for the 2023 TIME Person of the Year magazine. 
-Also all cardigans. On a casual day he definitely lounges in them and has a set rotation of when to wear each one (and I am totally not gonna draw that nope)
-Well, it seems Lucifer is no longer crying to the depressing break-up songs on repeat but now he seems to be angrily listening to “Gorgeous” on repeat. Charlie asks him about it and he goes full denial mode “No no Charlie I'm not thinking of anyone specific, I've just been really into this song lately.” Everyone else in the hotel, besides Alastor, has already figured out what's going on
Alastor: If I have to hear that obnoxious noise one more time I will reduce that tiny maniac’s room to rubble as well as the abode of whatever sad sack is making him play it.
Angel: *knowing smirk* I'm gonna hold ya to that one, Antlers. 
-Al may very well hear it one more time if Lucifer uses it as his confession song (I don't fully commit to this headcanon, I just think it's funny) 
-Anyway boy’s probably in his Reputation stan Era b/c LWYMMD is like his long overdue big F-YOU to Heaven song 
btw this is NOT gonna end at these headcanons I am running with this idea like scissors.
@nunalastor
@julsiemagne
@nose-nippin-fun (I know you're not a swiftie but we talked about this so idk if you care I can un-tag you if you want)
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wangxianficfinder · 1 month
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Fic Finder
March 15th
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1. Looking for a post 1st seige burial mounds fic on ao3. It was a wip but it's been awhile so may no longer be the case. In it jc only participated in the siege as a cover to get close enough to his brother w/out endangering lotus pier. Since he leads the charge he finds wwx first and when wwx passes out after destroying the seal jc fakes wwx's death and smuggle him back to lotus pier & hides/kinda imprison him. But the longer they're together the more jc realizes a lot of the things he blamed wwx for aren't adding up (seeing through Jin manipulations).
Jc also forgot/didn't know about ayuan so when wwx wakes up he freaks out about where his baby adopted son is, but by the time jc gets back to bm yuan is no where to be found (implied lz had already got him) but jc and wwx think this means yuan is dead. Wwx is very depressed and becomes Jin ling's secret nanny whenever the kid is at lotus pier. In the most recent updates (at the time) a baby xue yang was introduced.
He saw a disguised wwx in a hidden area by lotus pier playing in the water and is basically like 'I'm cute and small too' and plots how to get himself adopted so he can also be pampered like the wealthy kid. I think there were some alternating povs. Might of been a Lan pov too, creating dramatic irony since both yuan and wwx are alive but neither side knows? Was setting up yunmeng bro reconciliation.
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2. I'm looking for a specific fic, it was modern, WWX took LWJ to a concert of post modern, like synth? Chinese music and I think NHS told WWX about it?? It had some good song recs and I'm mainly looking for the the songs- if you guys could help me out? Thank you!!!! @recombinantdna
NOT FOUND! The Quiet Room by trickybonmot (M, 39k, WangXian, Modern AU, 1990s, Goth LWJ, Cellist LWJ, College Student WWX, House Hunting, Dating, Clubbing, San Francisco, Implied/Referenced Past Child Abuse, Mental Health Issues, Academic Disaster Aftermath, Getting Together, Repressed Teen Crushes to Strangers to Lovers, Homelessness, in the form of couch surfing, background NieLan) in which WWX finds LWJ being a DJ in a goth club in the 90s and it talks a lot about music. NHS is totally an enabler.
FOUND! show me a quiver, give me tonight by spookykingdomstarlight (E, 115k, wangxian, lwj/others, communication failure, mutual pining, artists, demisexual wwx, angst w/ happy ending) WY surprised LZ by bringing him to a performance of an artist LZ likes, H i d d e n f r a g r a n c e who plays electronic guqin. The sample songs can be found in the author notes in Chapter 10
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3. hi! im looking for a fic and the only thing i remember from it was wangxian (canon divergence, maybe arranged marriage but im not sure) in maybe caiyi?? sitting down at a noodle place, and there was a thing about how wwx loved the gusu dialect and kept pestering lwj to say something in the dialect, and he knew enough of the dialect to flirt or haggle so when lwj said an endearment term (i think it was something like sweetheart?) he froze and got all panicky about wwx recognising the word because he froze too, but then wwx just asks if he swore?? THANK YOU SO MUCH IF YOU FIND IT ive been combing my bookmarks and history for almost weeks now and im so close to thinking i made it all up
FOUND? Your Hand in Mine by cerbykerby (T, 20k, WangXian, Humor, Comedy, Pining, cursed to hold hands, Light Angst, Sharing a Bed, First Dates, Embarrassment, Fluff, bathing together, wwx is a menace to society, and lwj Suffers A Lot, Canon Compliant)
FOUND? Fentao-laoshi’s Guide to Cut-Sleeve Pleasures by occultings (microcomets) (E, 31k, wangxian, canon divergence, pining while fucking, friends with benefits, first time, cloud recesses study arc, practice kissing, sharing a bed, jealousy, getting together, confessions, happy ending)
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4. For fic finder: I have lost a modern-au fic where Lan Zhan is in the hospital, in a children’s wing, and Wei Wuxian visits a lot/volunteers there. Wei Wuxian has prosthetic legs and he gets a new red pair around the point I lost the fic. I am pretty sure I found the rec through this blog but I can’t find it again TT Help please!
FOUND? 🔒 some things go forward by everythingispoetry (T, 73k, WangXian, Modern AU, Hospitals, Teenage Drama, Slow Burn, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Happy Ending)
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5. First, thank you for everything that you do ! Your posts and recommendations and "I'm in the mood for" collections have kept my heart and soul busy for years now! I am honestly in awe of all the hard work and time you dedicate to both pages! 🥰
Unfortunately I don't remember much of the summary of the fic I'm searching for, but I wanted to try my luck. 🙈 It was a light modern dom/sub fic where WY accidentally sort of turned LZ into a sub. I think by giving him indirect orders all the time? And nobody noticed until WQ pointed it out? I searched through Ao3 with the light dom/sub tag for ages and then eventually gave up.
Maybe it rings a bell for you? 🙏🤞❤️ @papperlapapp1
FOUND? And They Were Roommates! or The Accidental Domming of Lan Wangji by DizziDreams (E, 21k, wangxian, Dom WWX, Sub LWJ, inexperienced BDSM practices, un-/under- negotiated kink, horny climbing, horny cohabitation, horny on main except by main I mean at a party surrounded by innocent bystanders, Praise Kink, Masturbation, Bondage, Lingerie, Orgasm Delay/Denial, omg they were roommates, Modern, BDSM, debatably a bit of dom drop, Public Masturbation, Edging, Getting Together, WQ has to come in and straighten this shit out)
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6. Okay so looking for a fic where lwj or wwx accidentally summon incubus/succubus wwx or lwj. (I can't remember who was the sex demon or who was the human but it is a wangxian fic)
So, the succubus needs food and it is, unsurprisingly, cum. As in they have to literally eat cum to survive. So the human is followed by this succubus/incubus everywhere they go to including his university.
The human does love feeding the sex demon and even lets him feed in the uni bathroom during breaks.
Does a fic like this exist? Does it ring any bell?
FOUND? An Array of Good Decisions by celerydragon (E, 11k, WangXian, Demon Sex Size Kink, Size Difference, Consensual Non-Consent, dubcon, Tongue Sex, Omegaverse, Humiliation, Mild Breeding Kink)
FOUND? Lan Wangji's Fullproof Guide on How (NOT) to Summon a Demon by fardimensions (E, 3k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Porn With Plot, but not a lot of plot, Incubus WWX, Demons, wwx has a tail, Wings, Interspecies Sex, Bottom LWJ/Top WWX, Anal Sex, Crack, Filthy, size queen LWJ)
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7. for the fic finder: it's a fic (dom/sub canon au?) where wei wuxian gave lan wangji a collar before he died. lan wangji keeps the collar for as long as he can but eventually the leather is too old and it breaks. there's a bunch of sadness but all is well when wei wuxian resurrects.
thank you for all you do!!
FOUND? Breathe Again by Sheehan_sidhe (E, 4k, wangxian, Grief/Mourning, Depression, Breathplay, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, POV LWJ, LWJ Has Feelings, Submissive LWJ, Crying LWJ, Grieving LWJ, Collars, Angst with an Eventual Happy Ending)
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8. for fic finder: my heart tells me it was a modern/modern with cultivation au, but my searches have been fruitless. i just remember our beloved wangxian dancing around each other, and the juniors being there with a similar problem. specifically, jin ling being tested at archery, and sizhui Totally Only There For Emotional Support And No Other Reason.
FOUND? with you, I am home by tellthemstories (M, 47k, wangxian, Modern Cultivation, fake dating for reasons, Meeting the Family, There Was Only One Bed, Casual Domesticity, wwx is oblivious in more ways than one, 'this fic is like emotional edging', this comment sums up the entire fic)
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9. heyI've been looking for a fic for a while.WWX and LWJ were in the turtle's cave of slaughter... they had no energy to fight and decided to do double cultivation.
When it comes to the part where WWX donates the golden core to JC.... during the surgery, WQ discovers WWX is pregnant, the double cultivation generated a uterus.
He is still captured by the Wen clan and thrown into the grave hill.He believes he lost the baby because of this and uses his resentful energy to survive and get revenge.
When he reaches the part at the end of the campaign where the sun falls, he goes into labor without knowing that he is still pregnant.
It's not Omegaverse.
Sorry if my writing is bad, english is not my first language @crazy-tai
FOUND? Impermanence, Transience, Permanence by Best Bepsy (BepsyGray) (E, 39k, wangxian, canon divergence, unplanned pregnancy, mpreg, gore, sunshot campaign, assumed miscarriage, medical procedures, childbirth, golden core reveal)
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10. Hello! I was wondering if anyone here knew of a fic that took place during the Wen Indoctrination? If I remember right, it was only one chapter, set mostly in the Untamed universe because Wei Wuxian and Wen Ning had worked together to make it seem like he was dead for the Wens after being locked in with that dog, but he was grabbed too early and basically paraded in front of the other disciples under the belief that he was dead. If anyone else has seen this fic, I'd be extremely grateful!
FOUND!🔒💖 the universe would turn to a mighty stranger by RavenclawLoki (T, 11k, wangxian, Angst, Eventual Fluff, Some mentions of blood, it looks like someone is dead but!!, it is okay, everything is going to be okay i promise, First Kiss, Canon Divergence, Wwx and lwj know they're in love, They just don't know the other loves them back, Everyone Lives AU, Hurt WWX, Hurt LWJ)
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11. For your next fic finder, I'm looking for a modern wangxian dating reality tv au. It's omegaverse and in the first half of the show, everyone is paired up, but in the second half of the show, it's wilderness survival with the alphas trying to catch the omegas. Wwx is a career omega who is trying to get a cash prize instead of an alpha. @leahlisabeth
FOUND? 🧡 shoot your shot – hot or knot by defractum (nyargles) (E, 51k, WangXian, Modern AU, A/B/O Dynamics, Reality Show, Hunger Games Setting, Canon-Typical Violence, Extremely Dubious Consent, Getting Together, Happy Ending, Humor, Additional Warnings In Author’s Notes)
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12. Guys I need help finding this story. So it’s about Wei ying being hit by this memory yao. And he is in pain. So lan zhan, lan yuan, lan qiren, lan huan, Jin rulan, and jiang cheng. They use this spell to take Wei ying bad memories. They hold onto this bad memories because they don’t want Wei ying to go through all of that and remember. Ofc they are traumatized but they love him, etc. sooo please if you know the name write in comments. I have been looking for it for DAYS @zodime101
FOUND? Window of the Waking Mind by mrcformoso (M, 8k, wangxian, LSZ & WWX, JC & WWX, Graphic depictions of violence, Major Character Death, Heavy Angst with a Happy Ending, Sad with a Happy Ending, Post-Canon, Torture, Golden Core Transfer, WWX Has Self-Esteem Issues, Hurt WWX, WWX Needs a Hug, WWX Needs a Break, Flashbacks, Curses, Night Hunts, Suicide, Starvation, Canonical Child Abuse, Canonical Character Death, Cannibalism, Although it was forced by the situation to survive, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, lots of comfort, Soft LQR, Learning To Communicate, Zidian Spiritual Tool, JC Tries, Reaction)
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13. hi! for the next fic finder — it was sizhui centered! him being raised by lwj but also wwx, but wwx is a ghost. and wwx has no recollection of his death and there was this one scene where he curls up around ayuans body and falls asleep and he wakes in the cloud recesses and i think he thinks he's being ignored? and then there was the whole realizing he was a ghost thing. and also lwj burying his body at the bm. pls help me T^T its Not "the dark doesnt frighten me, its mine" btw!
NOT FOUND! the moon, grown full by Deinde (T, 22k, LSZ & WWX, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Spirits, Identity Reveal, discussion of war crimes, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Hopeful Ending, Homecoming, reclaiming your name and identity, Names, Families of Choice)
FOUND! The Intervening Years by rosemu (G, 11k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, LSZ centric, Parent-Child Relationship, Wangxian is background, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort)
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14. Hi! For fic finder: I am looking for a canon-era fic where cultivators have golden blood and regular people have red blood. When Wei Wuxian loses his core his blood fades to red, which means he has to work harder to hide his wounds or they will give away his core-less state. I particularly remember the scene where Jiang Cheng stabs him in their “mock” fight WWX hides his wound with a cloak. He takes to covering up his body fully from head to toe to avoid showing any scrapes. Then after he is revived and Jiang Cheng whips him he purposefully shows the red blood to “prove” he isn’t WWX, then I think the core reveal happens when Jin Ling stabs him and everyone knows its him and they see the red blood too. Thank you!!
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15. I need help finding a fic, I didn’t get too far into it but I really want to finish it. I think it was a longer fic and I think it’s well known and/or already in a comp or itmf answer. I i remember is that the summary put wwx as a temporary head of the Jiang Clan, from the first few chapters I think he’s tricked/strong armed into this position by JC. He had some Buisness at koi tower or a conference that would take a while so he needed a filler and wanted WWX. I think it’s post-cannon and it had someone insulting WWX in the summary and something along the lines of a statement of spite and a declaration to prove said person wrong.
This is likely a terrible description but it’s all I have. I know I got the og link from this site so someone should recognize it… Help would be greatly appreciated.
FOUND? Twelve Moons and a Fortnight by stiltonbasket (M, 290k, WangXian, Humor, Slow Burn, Post-Canon Fix-It, Long-Distance Relationship, Epistolary, Love Letters, Family Feels, a-qing lives, teenage romance, Adoption, Romantic Comedy, Happy Ending, Weddings, Case Fic, Parenthood, Politics)
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16. Hello! For the next fic finder I have two fics:
A) the only thing I remember about this fic is that it deals with the "do not speak with Wei Ying" rule. Lan Wangji was really angry when he found out and was about to go yell at his uncle, but Wei Wuxian kept trying to stop him. I remember Wwx threw himself into a pond or down a hill or something to snap Lwj out of it? I don't remember anything else about the fic unfortunately.
B) vampire au where Wwx was a vampire and the lans hunted the supernatural I think? Wangxian had to work together to stop some evil thing. I remember Wwx's backstory was something like: Wen Chao captured him and locked him in a room with a vampire, thinking it would result in Wwx dying (cultivators couldn't be turned into vampires, they would just die). But Wwx had given up his core so he got turned and Wen Chao locked him in a house with Wen Ning. There was a fire and Wwx turned Wen Ning to save his life. I also remember a scene where Wwx tried to go into Cloud Recesses, but the wards wouldn't let him. He thought this meant Lwj wanted nothing to do with him, but it was just Lan Xichen updating the wards or something.
Thank you!
16A)
FOUND?🔒Scenes From Three Winters by LtLJ (G, 12k, wangxian, post-canon, romance, family feels, family issues, family drama, PTSD, body horror, bad parent LQR, happy ending) Wei Ying throwing himself in a pond and down a hill to snap LWJ out of anger at his uncle sounds a lot like what happens at the end of Scenes from Three Winters by LtLJ but it's not specifically the 'do not speak to Wei Ying' rule that's the problem (will probably need to read other fics in the series for context)
16B)
FOUND?🔒hear the monsters calling home by sundiscus (M, 8k, wangxian, Modern Cultivation, Vampires, Misunderstandings, Angst with a Happy Ending, blood drinking (romantic))
FOUND? And you must keep your soul/ Like a secret in your throat by athena_crikey (E, 48k, WangXian, Modern with Magic, Vampire WWX, Cultivator LWJ, Case Fic, h/c Angst, Falling In Love, First Time, Reference to Torture)
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17. Hi!! for the next fic finder, I was hoping of you guys could help me find a fic where it takes place in post canon: lwj cultivates to immortality even though he didn’t want to be and wwx tried hard to catch up to him but later on passes away bc he was never able to. Lwj was so devastated and during wwx’s funeral, jc came to pay respects and lwj found out that jc has also become an immortal. lwj says something along the lines of “how dare you cultivate to immortality with his core?” it might be a reincarnation fic but that’s about all i can remember from it. Thank you so much! @makkachiin
FOUND!🔒Closer Than Eternity by Netrixie (T, 26k, WangXian, Modern AU, Reincarnation, an unhealthy addiction to starbucks, Immortals, Self-Doubt, POV Alternating, Minor Original Character(s), Canon Compliant, Post-Canon, Temporary Character Death, Angst with a Happy Ending, not for jc fans, This is not a reconciliation fic) The scene at WY's funeral is in Chapter 3.
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18. Hi! I hope my request will be clear, since English is not my first language, so I apologize in advance. I really want to read it, but I can't find a fic in which Lan Sizhui dies on a night hunt, saving the distracted Lan Zhan and Wei Ying. I don't remember many details, but I remember how the grief of A-Yuan's family and friends was described, and then A-Yuan was reborn. The fic was on ao3. @amelliss
FOUND? Setting Of The Sun by heartsdesire456 (M, 8k, WangXian , Character Death, Or Is It?, Grief/Mourning, Child Loss, Heavy Angst) i don't think it's reincarnation but this sounds similar to
FOUND? Our Son Reborn by RenaFair (T, 103k, WangXian, Mpreg, Deities, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Slow Build, There's smut, Rollercoaster of Emotions, baby a-yuan)
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19. hi, I’m look for a fic from ao3, I can’t really remember the plot but the end was wwx absorbing the tiger seal and in the process made a SILVER core. It happened in the burial mound (I think after the seal was stolen in Lanling but that might be a different fic)the timeline was before wwx’s first death because wen Qing was still alive @teasong
FOUND? ❤️ kick at the darkness 'til it bleeds daylight by AlfAlfAlfAlfAlf, tardigradeschool (T, 75k, WangXian, Hurt/Comfort, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Eventual Happy Ending, Getting Together, Burial Mounds Settlement Days, Inspired by The Parent Trap (1998), Kid Fic, teen shenanigans, two a-yuans, Fluff and Angst)
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20. Hello! I am looking for Wangxian fanfiction where Wei Ying and Lan Zhan are lovers before Demonic cultivation and Wei Ying hurt Lan Zhan as in canon later the reunite after 13 years or something like that @abz18699-blog
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Hello, Sunset - 6
AN: This is my longest chapter to date. I really suck at writing dialogue, which is just my real life awkward self presenting in fiction. I would love to hear what people think about this chapter or just the story in general. Need some inspiration as I'm stuck on the next chapter. The writing gods have left me and there's a metaphorical brick wall between my ideas and the blank Google doc ... PAIRING: Seungcheol x fem!reader GENRE: exes to lovers, idol verse, angst WORD COUNT: 4,650 WARNINGS: reader has anxiety and depression, swearing, mentions of alcohol Text in blue is spoken in Korean.
PREVIOUS / NEXT
1 December 2023 - 6 January 2024
There wasn’t really any time for melancholy, not for Y/N. She wanted to wistfully brood about her 10 days in Asia and play the nostalgic CARAT post concert, but the end of the year was relentless. Y/N travelled back to Tokyo the very next day to catch her flight home to London. She used the weekend to reset her body clock and catch up on her emails before she was back at the office on Monday. 
By the time she landed in London, her episode on Amazing Saturday had already aired. She didn’t think the episode would have a huge audience. She had hoped to make an impression on the Korean audience but wasn’t expecting to suddenly be trending on Naver or anything. She had turned off the airplane mode on her phone whilst briskly making her way through the long route from the gate to baggage collection. It was a good thing her phone was silent as suddenly the notifications piled up. She opened up Instagram first as that’s where the most notifications were from and saw that Josua had tagged her on a post.
It was the second time he’d done that since they had met back in September. Then, it had been a picture they had posed together for a magazine at the Marni show. This time, it was a clip of her getting the one shot for getting the most accurate answer for the God of Music quiz. He’d captioned it to say ‘Thank you for answering SVT’s quiz, Y/N’. The post had thousands of likes already, including fellow SEVENTEEN members such as S.Coups, Seungkwan and Vernon. Her followers on Instagram had also increased, she guessed as a natural effect from this interaction. She was following Joshua already so she liked the picture and closed the app, too tired to think about her actions or do anything more.
The click clacks of her heels echoed as she walked the short distance from her cabin to the one of the Global HR Director and her line manager, David. Unlike the confident sounds of her footsteps, Y/N felt timid as she opened the door to his office once he beckoned her to come in through the glass windows of his office. David was not someone to mince his words or beat around the bush, especially as someone as busy and senior as he was in such a huge corporation. 
Y/N walked out of his office thirty minutes later with relief. She’d need to talk to Sian and Emma first before she officially accepted his offer but she thought this was the best option for everyone without Y/N having to give up her career in HR completely. Her decision was solidified as she received positive response to her various promotion activities in Korea as they came out on broadcast and YouTube over the next few days. Sian and Emma began to receive interest from Korean shows and entertainment companies. The questions varied from whether she was interested in appearing on more shows to her plans on promoting in Korea and needing a local agency to support her promotions to even writing music for idol groups. Eun Ji was ecstatic at the idea of her living in Seoul and declared that Y/N would live with her. When she ran through her doubts of the move, Joshua reassured her as someone who had taken the same leap. Vernon and Seungkwan, who Y/N kept in touch with regularly since meeting them a few weeks ago, promised to visit her regularly so she wouldn’t be lonely. 
By the time her slot at the Jingle Bell Ball was over a week later, Y/N felt fully confident in her decision to resign from her job in the UK and take the consultancy role. It offered her more flexibility whilst still allowing her to keep putting to use the qualification and skills she had developed over the past seven years. Her first focus would be working with regional leads in Japan and South Korea to support the planned restructures and optimise the local operations. She would be assessing the situation, proposing a solution and would oversee the implementation of it when it is accepted but won’t be the person delivering the change. She was actually excited to step out of her comfort zone and expand her experience further by dipping her toes into consultancy whilst putting to use her language skills in another country. It honestly felt like an offer too good to be true. It also gave Y/N time to prepare for her EP release that had been planned for the end of the summer and her European Tour that would kick off in the autumn of 2024. She hoped she would get lots of inspiration to write in the new environment.
Things moved quickly once she accepted David’s offer. A flat in Hannam-dong in Yongsan had been leased under her name by Emma. Whilst her company had offered to organise this for her, she had preferred to find a place that suited her specific needs and had negotiated with David so the company would contribute a fixed amount to the rent instead. David put her negotiation skills to the test but Y/N thought she handled it quite well. She had a decent deal by the end. She spent the next few weeks saying a temporary goodbye to her life in London, catching up with friends in between her end of year performance schedule. She’d gone from the one watching the countdown to NYE on BBC to the one people watched performing as the country counted down to the dawn of a new year. A few days later, she was back on a plane to Incheon, this time on her own. Emma wouldn’t be joining her in Seoul but would be making plenty of visits as needed. W Music had a partner in Seoul who would organise any assistance Y/N needed. Y/N leaned her seat back and gazed out of the window, taking a sip of the red wine the stewardess handed her earlier. She hoped 2024 would be a year to remember. 
Current
Y/N had gone to bed immediately after her bath. The fight or flight response in her body had slowly disappeared until all that was left was exhaustion. She had dragged herself from the bathroom to her bedroom, not going through any of her night time routine but falling straight into bed instead. The blackout blinds in her room hid the world from her and equally hid her from the world from her. It was the Bank Holiday Monday so she had allowed herself to lie in and when she checked the digital clock on her bedside table once she arose from her deep slumber, she saw it was close to 11am. She decided it was time to face the world and couldn’t hide any longer. 
“Alexa, open the blinds.” The automated blinds came to life and with a soft whirring noise, it let the sunlight into the spacious cream coloured room. Closing her eyes briefly to allow them a relief from the bright rays, she patted around the bed for her phone. When her attempts were fruitless, she sighed in defeat before getting out of bed to look around the room for it. Not seeing it anywhere, she slid her feet onto her soft slippers and moved to the living room. She had success as she found it face up on the sofa. She tapped on the screen to bring it to life but it didn’t work. Letting out a groan, realising the phone had run out of battery, she moved to the kitchen island and planted her phone on top of the wireless charger. Leaving it to collect power so she could turn it on, she used the time to make her morning smoothie. 
Ten minutes later, she sat on one of the high stools by her kitchen island with a large glass of avocado and banana smoothie. She turned the phone on, making sure to keep it on the wireless charger. She saw that she had missed calls and clicked on the Phone app to see who had tried to get in touch. Some were older notifications she had dismissed like the missed calls from Sian and Emma. There were also recent missed calls from Rachel, Eun Ji and Joshua. Joshua didn’t normally call so she assumed he was concerned about her non-reply. 
As she wondered if it was finally time to grow up and call Joshua, her phone began to ring. It was an unsaved number but Y/N recognised it straight away. It was an incoming call from SEVENTEEN’s main Manager, Shim Jae Hyun. He’d been the first person she’d spoken to after Seungcheol had sent her the text to break up and blocked her number immediately after. Y/N could still remember the pity in his voice as he’d told her that Seungcheol had informed him of the breakup, and had asked that Y/N not contact anyone related to himself. Y/N had responded with a distressed ‘I understand’ and had immediately cut the call. 
Since then, she hadn’t spoken to anyone related to Seungcheol, including the members. Some of the members, particularly Vernon and Seungkwan, had tried to speak to her when they became aware of the break up but she’d already blocked them. The only remaining connection was Joshua and even then, she didn’t pick up or answer his calls. They hadn’t spoken since the day before the break up, when Y/N had called him from the airport to confirm she’s boarding and to ask him to check in on Seungcheol. Despite his persistent attempts, Y/N hadn’t spoken to Joshua since that day. He eventually gave up and stopped calling her and would send the occasional texts to see how she was, which she would read but not respond to. Seeing the two ticks to show she was reading it was good enough for him. It’s what he’d pleaded for her to do at the very least.
She assumed Jae Hyun-nim was calling due to the statement that had been published. She let the call go to voicemail and instead took a screenshot with his number displayed and sent it off to Emma and Sian, knowing one of them would contact him. She didn’t want to have a dialogue with PLEDIS or HYBE and Sian had stressed that everything should go through her or Emma. She put the phone back on the charging pad and returned to her room to pack her bag, knowing she had a flight to NYC that evening. Lily, Sian’s first assistant since Emma’s official promotion a year ago, had sent over the flight ticket details as well as some outfit options for Y/N to choose from her various interviews in NYC. Lily would organise it so any of the outfits Y/N selects would be delivered to the JW Marriott Essex House hotel in Upper East Side, where she would be staying this time. Normally, would have a longer visit and so would have gone for one of their long stay apartments but the impromptu plans meant she would be staying in one of Marriott’s hotels instead. The next few hours passed in a blur and Y/N found herself once again on a plane.
25 January 2024 
The black Porsche Cayenne lit up as the engine turned on. The car was a Christmas present to herself and she’d be paying it off for the next few years but Y/N was in love. She loved driving and one of the first things she organised was to ship her car to Seoul as soon as she decided on her move and yet, it only arrived a few days ago. Y/N was excited to take the car for a spin, having been taking taxis whenever she needed to leave her flat. She’d spent the first week in Seoul setting up the place whilst staying with Eun Ji and had to then relearn her bearings when she officially moved in. The three weeks since landing in Seoul had been tremendously busy and Y/N was excited to have a night to relax and catch up with a friend. Joshua had returned to the country only a few days ago after wrapping up the last concert of the Follow Tour in Macau. The two had been keeping each other up to date on life but it wasn’t the same as talking in person. Their last meeting hadn’t been the personal catch up they had originally planned for so to have some time together where they could speak more openly was much needed. 
Y/N arrived first at the Mexican restaurant in Itaewon and had immediately ordered some nachos for the pair to munch on whilst they caught up and debated what to order. She’d just taken a sip of her virgin Pina Colada when Joshua walked in. Y/N enveloped Joshua in a warm hug, and they stayed in the embrace for a few seconds, soaking in the comfort they gave each other. As they parted, Joshua grasped Y/N’s right hand tightly and shook it in excitement.
“I can’t believe you’re now living in Seoul!”
“Me neither, Joshie!”
He looked at her tenderly before letting go of her hand to ruffle her hair as usual. She’d given up dodging this move, knowing that it was his way of showing affection. She grinned at him, the smile stretching across her face all the way to her eyes which had shrunk to accommodate the happy expression. A waiter arrived with their nachos and the pair took their seats. Joshua ordered a Margarita. They spent the next hour catching up candidly with no inhibitions in between taking sips of their drinks and crunching on the nachos. They’d ordered more drinks and food, Y/N choosing to stay sober as she didn’t trust a stranger to drive her car. It was another thing for her to become accustomed to in time but she wasn’t quite ready for that yet. 
Joshua was feeling light, having let off a load from his shoulders. He’d met Y/N at a time when he really needed a friend who was removed from his world but would yet understand his trials. They were less than six months apart in age but often, he felt she was the older one and by many years. Maybe it came from their different life journeys. They’d both had their own challenges to overcome and different demons to fight. She saw him so clearly that he often felt she was his soulmate, like a twin who shared the same heart and mind. Their closeness after such a short period led to misconceptions initially, even from his bandmates. He’d been asked if they were dating, Coups being the latest one to quiz him on this when he’d shared his plans to meet Y/N. Joshua shared this anecdote with Y/N, laughing without restraint at the idea. Y/N looked disgusted at the idea, wondering what was wrong with everyone. She begged Joshua to make sure he set everyone straight. 
“Don’t worry, I told him you’re like a sister. Your bias won’t have the wrong idea, so don’t hurt your pea brain worrying.”
She glared at the teasing, huffing at the elder. 
“Who’s the pea brain here! I’m not the one who mistranslated that time we were out …” 
The banter continued, the two bickering away, fully immersed in their own world. It was nearing 9pm when Joshua received a call. 
“Coups-yah. What’s up? Me? I’m in XXX restaurant in Itaewon with Y/N. Oh, you’re nearby?” 
Joshua looked at Y/N with a sly smile as he hung up on the phone. Y/N was immediately on alert.
“What have you done, Hong Jisoo?”
“Where are your manners? It’s Jisoo Oppa!”
“Pfft. Manners, my ass. I know you’ve done something that’s about to piss me off. Out with it, Joshie. Don’t test my kindness.” 
He shrugged and put on an innocent look, widening his eyes and shaking his head, saying he had no idea what she was talking about. She threw a fry at his face, unfortunately missing the mark widely. This made Joshua crack up in giggles and Y/N reluctantly joined in, unable to hold on to her irritation. Y/N was going to suggest that they call it a night and head home when the bell by the door jingled. Joshua, who was facing the door, stuck his neck out to see who it was and his eyes lit up in recognition. He waved his hand at the newcomer and Y/N twisted in her seat to see who it was. It was S.Coups and with him was Jeonghan. 
“Did you miss me that much? You saw me only a few hours ago when we did the Weverse live.” 
Joshua said to S.Coups as the 95 liners reunited in front of Y/N. The waitress arrived and relocated them to a bigger table at the back, hiding them away from the rest of the customers. As they all took their new seats, Y/N bowed at Jeonghan and S.Coups and greeted them. She asked after their health and asked if they’d eaten. S.Coups, who was sitting opposite her, nodded whilst Jeonghan responded, “Coups bought me an expensive dinner. I wanted to go home and rest afterwards but this guy-”
Before Jeonghan could finish his sentence, S.Coups began speaking. He asked about her move and if she was properly settled in her flat. 
Y/N was surprised he knew the details and it must have shown on her face, as he felt the need to clarify that he’d heard from Shua. When she looked at Joshua, he had a devious smirk on his face.
“I didn’t know you paid so much attention to what I say, Coups-yah. Jeonghan-ah, did you know Coups paid this much attention to me?”
Jeonghan, who suddenly looked wide awake, seemed to have caught on to whatever track Joshua was on and enthusiastically exclaimed, “I didn’t know either, Joshuji. I don’t remember you telling us about Y/N’s move and this is my first time seeing you since you came back.”
Turning to his left, he questioned when S.Coups had heard the news. Y/N was a little perplexed about this entire conversation. She didn’t understand why it was such a big deal but she did realise that the angel, who was really a devil in disguise when he was up to his tricks, and his best friend were on the same page and up to something. It seemed that S.Coups had also sensed the danger and looked panic for a second before saying that it might have been Vernon who mentioned it, he couldn’t remember. 
Feeling sorry for the man in front of her as he pouted, she decided to answer his question to move the conversation along. 
“I’ve just about settled in and I was saying to Josh earlier that my car finally arrived so I feel like I’m finally set. I’m about to abandon all of it for two weeks though. I’ll be in Japan travelling to Tokyo, Sapporo and Okinawa for work from Monday onwards.” 
S.Coups nodded again at her and gave her a thousand watts thankful smile. Y/N felt her heart stutter like her old car used to whenever she’d try to speed and the sem-automatic would whine as it stayed stuck in the lower gear. His smile was too blinding and Y/N had to avert her gaze to her glass, fiddling with the stem of it as she tried her best to calm the flutters. 
“Oh, you didn’t tell me you were flying out so soon! We’re on holiday for the next few weeks so I thought I could show you all my favourite places.” 
Joshua was disappointed at the missed opportunity. Y/N reassured him they had plenty of time and that she’d be back on the 10th. The group enjoyed a few more drinks and Y/N slowly loosened up as she got used to the presence of the others. She didn’t see Joshua as a member of SEVENTEEN on most days. To her, he’d become family and so she didn’t get the nervousness that she got in the presence of the rest of the members. Yoon Jeonghan was too beautiful to be real and it was intimidating. 
And then there was S.Coups. Well, no explanation was really needed here. This was someone she admired and found attractive. It was just a celebrity crush, she’d thought. Although she had her head screwed on and knew what she saw wasn’t a full picture of any celebrity, with S.Coups, so much of it was real. She’d gotten to know him through Joshua and the couple of interactions they did have, she’d felt sparks. She knew it was all one-sided and with time, she’d get over it. But right now, she couldn’t be sensible about it. It was the way he would stare deeply into her eyes when she spoke giving his full attention, or the way he’d poured her a glass of water when he noticed her glass was empty, or even how the corners of his mouth would twitch in amusement whenever he caught her sneaking glances at him as Jeonghan told a funny story. She was deeply attracted to the man in front of her. His tight black t-shirt and rich perfume pulled her in. When she caught herself leaning forward one too many times, she knew it was time to go home. She pulled the typical I’m-going-to-freshen-up-but-really-pay-the-bill act and found herself scolded by a whiny Joshua as they all walked her to her car. 
She saw the tired, droopy frame of Jeonghan and told them all to get in, saying she’d drop them off. They tried to refuse the offer but Jeonghan must have been really tired because he got in quickly after thanking Y/N. Joshua sat upfront and inputted the address for the dorm. 
“Coups-yah, are you going to stay at the dorm tonight?” 
It took a beat for S.Coups to answer and the others realised he’d wanted to return to the place he shared with his brother. He said he’d call a taxi from the dorm. 
“I can drop you off, I really don’t mind.”
Y/N turned into the apartment complex that housed SEVENTEEN members. Joshua and Jeonghan got out of the car and S.Coups followed. He seemed to have a non-verbal conversation with Joshua before he turned back to Y/N and asked if she was sure. She nodded and smiled gently in response. 
He lightly hugged the members goodnight before getting back in the car, this time in the front seat. Joshua called out for her to text him when she got home safely and then headed in. 
“And then there were two.”
“Sorry?”
“Oh, sorry. It’s a phrase in English that people would usually say when a big group would suddenly get smaller.” 
She explained as she manoeuvred out of her parking spot. She pulled off and started driving towards the main road as S.Coups set the navigation to direct her to his brother’s place. It was a 20 minute drive and Y/N told herself she can behave for that long. They drove in silence that had started off comfortable but soon became filled with tension till it was stifling. She cleared her throat and suggested that S.Coups put on music if he’d like. 
“You can turn on the radio or you can use my Spotify. My phone is connected via Bluetooth.” 
She quickly unlocked it with her fingerprint and gestured for him to take it. He’d looked slightly stunned at her nonchalance as she gave him access to her phone. He timidly took the phone from the stand it was resting on and scrolled through the app. In the meantime, it began to play from where she’d left off earlier. Red Velvet described the throes of a crush and the longing to greet them again through the song ‘Hello, Sunset’ and Y/N blushed as she listened on. How fitting that this is the song that plays, she thought. She saw him tap along to the music as he scrolled through her phone. Their journey was elongating thanks to the traffic that was building up as the Saturday night deepened. As the song drew to a close, he tapped on the song he’d searched for and Dino’s voice blasted through the speakers. How cute, she thought as she realised he’d chosen to listen to the maknae’s mixtape, ‘Wait’. He bobbed his head along as they listened. The car had come to a standstill in front of the traffic. 
“I really love this song.” 
“Yes, maknae did a good job.” The pride in his voice was clear. She hummed in agreement. 
“I’m sorry. Because of me, you’re delayed.”
He apologised suddenly and Y/N found herself lost in his intense stare again when she'd looked at him to respond. She inaudibly mumbled that it wasn’t a problem and that she’s going the same way. It was as if her ears had popped, all noise surrounding them dampened whilst the sound of her heartbeat grew thunderous. She couldn’t even blink, worried he’d disappear if she closed her eyes for a second. He lowered his eyes, breaking the hold on her briefly as they dipped down to her lips before returning to arrest her again. He held her breath as a prisoner. Was she imagining it or was the distance between them slowly narrowing? She had no thoughts. Her brain simply wasn’t functioning to think if this was a good idea or not. Their noses were nearly brushing when they jumped apart when the car behind honked its horn. Y/N realised the queue had eased and quickly put the car in motion. S.Coups turned to look outside the side window, his expression hidden from Y/N when she tried to take a glimpse. 
They arrived at S.Coups’ place a few minutes later. Tablo’s version of ‘Eyes, Nose, Lips’ played in the background as both occupants of the car stalled, not sure whether to mention the moment shared earlier. In the end, both had decided to ignore it. S.Coups thanked Y/N for the lift. He’d gotten out of the car and walked around to her side, leaning down to speak to her. A breeze sent her a whiff of his perfume again. 
“Well … thanks again.” Y/N smiled but didn’t say anything.
“I should get going. I mean, you should get going. It’s late.”
She nodded and bowed at him to take leave from the driver’s seat. She was about to roll up her windows when he called her name. With no formalities. The butterflies instantly multiplied. 
“Y/N. Text me to say you’ve made it home?” It was a question but it wasn’t. She nodded, slowly then quickly. 
“I saved my number on your phone. I, uh, I didn’t send myself your number.”
Who was this shy man? Was he the same person with the deep voice and passionate eyes? 
“Sleep well.”
Y/N placed her keys in the enamel dish by the entrance, took off her boots and walked to her room. She texted Joshua to confirm she’d made it and wished him a goodnight. She paused for a second before she searched through her contacts. She found the newly saved number under Coups. 
Saturday 27 January Hi, it’s Y/N.  I made it home safely. Have a good night. 23:20 Goodnight. 23:21
A week later, Y/N was getting ready for her first date with S.Coups.
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luvvvivii · 6 months
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"i love you" — l.fl
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pairing - idol!felix x gn!reader
genre - fluff, imagine
wc - 705
warnings - not proofread (surprise surprise), a bunch of pet names used (my love, angel, dear), lmk if more
a/n - I'm back suckas!!! 😋 enjoy this small felix post whilst I start to get back into the groove of writing (also abt the writing, times next to the date is in readers time zone)
synopsis - in which your idol boyfriend sends you voice notes whilst he's away
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02.16.23 — 1:05 am
"good morning dear. actually, I think it's night for you right now? you better be asleep, alright? haha, it feels odd not being able to speak to each other how we usually would, doesn't it? but I guess this is what idol life is like? *chuckle* anyways, how was your day? did you do anything fun today? I hope you're eating good as well…I might head out for a bit with chan, so I'll talk with you later? sweet dreams angel. I love you!"
02.17.23 — 6:37 pm
"hey yn, you're asleep right? this is usually when you have your evening naps. don't be taking an all nighter again after this, though. I know you really like that show but sleep is important too you know? *chuckle*...today is day one of our concert in melbourne. I'm back in australia after so long, and I'm super excited! it's a shame I can't be here with you right now, but at least I can still update you and stuff. I can't wait to meet even more stays—oh, that's minho calling. sorry yn, got to go. I'll update you all about it after! enjoy the rest of your night, I love you."
02.18.23 — 12:53 pm
"hey dear, have you eaten yet? sorry I couldn't send any voice notes this morning, I woke up late and had to rush. day two of our concert was amazing! oh gosh, I wish you were here. hey, I don't think I told you about the dream I had last night, did I? well, we were just about to head to sydney for our tour there, and then suddenly you gave us a surprise visit! that's pretty much it, I woke up after that. haha, it seemed so real I even looked around for you whilst I was still half awake! *sigh* well, I think I'm going to go to sleep now, sorry for such a boring voice note today. have a good day, I love you angel."
02.20.23 — 3:31 pm
"yn, I'm so tired. but I can't go to sleep. *laugh* I was on my phone and got completely carried away, and now it's two am!...I think I might just start yapping about something with you, like how we always do when neither of us can sleep. that's what always helps me get tired…not that I'm saying you're boring! *chuckle* what I'm trying to say is…I just feel so at ease when I know that you're listening to me talk…let's not get depressed now, haha. how is your day going dear? doing anything fun today? make sure to send pictures, I haven't been able to see your pretty face in a while. you know, I think I might head off now, starting to feel a bit drowsy. we've got day one in sydney tomorrow, so I'll probably talk to you about it all later. goodnight my love, I love you to the moon and back."
02.21.23 — 2:01 am
"yn! it's finally day one in sydney! ah, I really wish you were here right now. you'll be cheering me on from back at home, right? I know you'll be looking for videos after the concert haha. make sure to have fun today angel! and I'll make sure to pour my heart and soul into the performances for you, like I always do. sorry for this voice note being so short, but I've got to go. I love you!"
02.22.23 — 3:19am
"sydney day 2! ah, you really don't understand how overwhelming this experience is, yn. this is absolutely crazy, but I've probably already said this a ton, right? *laugh*...you know, I hope one day we can travel to australia together, and I could show you all my favourite places to go and things to do from when I was a kid. but that's saved for the future! just wait a bit longer, my love, I'll be back home faster than you can believe. and cheer me on today as well, alright! I'll do the same for you dear. I've got to go now, an exciting concert ahead. I love you."
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©@luvvvivii all rights reserved | do not repost or translate
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seratuyo · 4 months
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2023 recap (kinda?)
I know it's been less than 3 weeks of me being on this corner of Tumblr, but seeing everyone's posts made me want to look back on the year as well. I also might be wine tipsy as I'm writing this but shhhh
To be honest, I'm really happy that 2023 is coming to an end. I felt like it saw me at my worst seasonal depression, multiple personality crises. Just trying to find my way around these things. One thing I consider a win this year is that it's the first full year since 2020 that I had absolutely no contact with my ex. Other happy moments including some of the best concerts I had a chance to attend: keshi, The HU, Lizzo, Arctic Monkeys, SZA, Rina Sawayama, One Republic, Kaleo, Kep1er, (G)I-DLE and Monsta X, and I already have few lined up for 2024 that I'm super excited for!
As for Tumblr, I've been here on and off for probably 14 years almost? The exact date is blurry but I do remember times when there was no infinite scrolling and you could get to the end of every hashtag. I have another blog here that's more themed, but at one point I missed having a place here for everything that makes me, me. It was "let me" and "use me" by @swiftispunk (I need to reread those and your other works as well!) and "i'll be home by christmas" by @punkshort that gave me the push I needed and I'm happy I did it. A lot of how I feel, I wrote in my Christmas post but yeah, I absolutely adore the Pedroverse side of Tumblr <3
OH AND ALSO... At one point I realised that I did a typo with my username, in "Tuyo" from Narcos it goes Y tuyo será, y tuyo será and I did it in fucking reverse by accident lmao. I was (and still sometimes am) thinking of fixing it, but part of me thinks it's Dieter coded to do something like that sooo........
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Lastly (as I rambled on for too much already lmao) I just wanted to send some love to all the lovely souls here @chronically-ghosted @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog @agentjackdaniels @morallyinept @sp00kymulderr @midnightraain @nerdieforpedro @jennaispunk @katiexpunk @elvinaa @angelofsmalldeath-codeine @maggiemayhemnj @sinpathyforthedevilish @stylesispunkk
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astriiformes · 3 months
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Having one of those weeks where I'm fighting my brain and my brain is winning, and it's hard not to feel a little depressed about it.
I'm excited about my classes this semester but they're definitely going to be more work. And I'm already struggling with motivation and still don't have a lot of good solutions, so it's all too easy to despair. I'm trying to get ahead of it and made an appointment with an academic skills coach at school, but I don't know how much they can help me with when the real problem is my out-of-control ADHD. Not to mention the anxieties it leaves me with about my future.
I still have no idea what I'm going to do after I graduate and it's starting to hit me really hard. I'd like to go to grad school, but I don't know if I can do it, or if I can uproot us from our support system like that, or if it's the right choice for actual employment prospects. But thinking about giving up on it makes me miserable. And my anxiety about all this is starting to bleed into my daily life at school, too, which is only making me feel worse.
Money is not good. I'm definitely overworking myself to try to make up for it, but we are not in a good place financially and I'm starting to beat myself up every time I pay for anything, but especially stuff that's non-essential. I just about made myself cry today thinking about nabbing a ticket for the Mountain Goats concert here this spring because I have friends going and it'd make me happy but is it really worth it?* When it comes down to it, I am just not getting enough financial aid to support two people and have eaten through almost all my savings trying to make it work, which only makes me more stressed about having something better lined up when I graduate. Except I don't think I will. Which is really bad.
*Please do not offer to help me pay for it. I think Dys the OCD demon would physically attack me if someone tried to buy me something frivolous because of a tumblr vent post.
I'm also just... questioning every social interaction I have, online and off. Turning them around in my head over and over and trying to figure out if I misstepped or misspoke or made someone upset, even when there's no real reason to think I did. It's exhausting, and I know it's indicative of larger problems but it's also just making me feel like my current floundering is impacting my relationships, too.
I don't know. I've been feeling weird and sad the last few days and I can't think of any real ways to stop feeling weird and sad, especially when money is tight and I feel like I'm fumbling every social interaction, making good distractions harder to come by. I hope the semester goes okay, but I'm getting pretty worried it won't. And I'm tired of the future being something that makes me feel sad and scared instead of hopeful things will get better.
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xxzlushiez · 11 months
Note
hi ml! i hope you’re doing well today!
i wasn’t sure if you did requests for georg but i have a request for him! could you possibly just do something where the reader has rlly bad anxiety and georg knows about it so he holds her hand when he can tell she’s anxious :( you can do whatever you want with this ❤️ if you don’t want to write this or don’t feel comfy writing this you don’t have to!!! do what makes you comfortable! <3 thank you!
All's okay
G. Listing x F! Reader
Synopsis: Anxiety gets to all of us at some point, thankfully you have Georg to help you rewind
Notes: angst if you squint reallllllly hard, comfort, self-doubt, insecurities, fluff, Georg being a sweetie pie :(, Name's anxiety, hints at depression.
A/N: this is the cutest request ever! TYSM and I hope your day is going amazing Anon!! I'm starting to do all of you guy's requests so be ready for a lot of spam posting😭❤️❤️
"I'm just spacing out I need someone to catch me I need someone to catch me." Spacing out -> beabadoobee
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Anxiety is a fickle thing that comes in at the worst times. Not that it's really noticeable to anyone but yourself but when you're around people for an extended amount of time it's natural that along the way you pick up on these types of things. This is what happened after Georg got close with you.
He's naturally observant and sees when you shift from being comfortable to not, or how you got before interviews and concerts. It was a little unfamiliar to him. Sure, everyone got nervous and dealt with it in their own ways but it seemed like you just wanted to shut down when faced with a problem you didn't immediately have a solution for. He saw this happen a few times before he tried to step in and help you.
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Silently, you paced out your dressing room, it was 10 minutes before a big concert and your nerves were beginning to creep up on you like a ugly parasite. This happened often, your brain doubled down on the false fact that unlike the others you weren't as good, not as talented, unworthy to be in the band.
You joined a few years later than the other members, nonetheless you were treated with respect and were close with everyone, but your mind came up with the silly thought that you weren't good enough for them. When you thought about it, it was really stupid but at the moment it was intimidating.
A knock snapped you out of your thoughts and you hummed opening the door for the person behind it.
"Hey, whatcha up to, the show starts in like 5 minutes are you ready?"
You followed the bassist to where he sat down on the couch, thinking of an answer that would satisfy him.
"Yeah, I'm ready just you know giving myself a peptalk."
You were transparent, he could read you like a children's book, but you still tried to lie, which was confusing because you both knew he could see right through you.
"Do you mean a down talk?"
"a what...?'
"That sounded really stupid my bad, what I mean is are you getting all up in your thoughts again?"
You hummed, of course it was noticable, he knew you like he knew the back of his hand. You decided telling the truth was better than just bottling it up and having to deal with it the rest of the time. You let your head rest on the back of the couch.
"Yeah, I don't know, just the usual stuff but it's just so annoying like why is my mind making up all these stupid thoughts that I know aren't true"
He thought for a second before answering you, he knew being careful with his words was crucial so as not to worry you anymore than you already were.
" You know that those are just stupid thoughts, right? They aren't true and you know it."
You that familiar frustration building up tightening your around your neck and burning your eyes. You felt like a burden, he shouldn't have to do this just for you to feel okay with yourself, but he did and no matter how angry you got at yourself, you knew you appreciated it more than words.
You groaned covering your face with one hand before standing up and shaking the pins and needles out of your body, Georg following suite watching that familiar facade of yours come up again.
"Name come here"
He grabbed you by the arm and pulled you against his chest, letting out a deep sigh you wrapped your arms around his neck, savoring the warmth and security he gave you that made your stomach all fuzzy and warm, feeling the anxiety melt right off you.
"Okay...okay yeah I'm good. Let's go the rest are probably waiting, thanks Georg"
He gave you a quick squeeze of the hip before opening your dressing door letting you walk out and following after.
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You noticed how he had one hand rest to his side near you during the interview using the other to gesture when talking instead of both. Let you lay it in your lap and play with it instead of being consumed in your thoughts. You noticed when he would tighten his grip on your hand to grab your attention when it was your turn to answer questions, or how he would lay a hand on your leg when you unconsciously began to bounce it. Everyone also took notice but you didn't mind and neither did he, that's all that mattered.
It's the small things that count.
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thebreakfastgenie · 8 months
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maybe you've already mentioned them but what are your fave jimmy buffett songs?!?!?
Thank you so much for sending this, this is so fun!!
My taste is... kind of basic, because it comes from the Jimmy Buffett songs I grew up on, which were the ones my mom sang and the ones on her bootleg tape. I really need to dig into his less famous songs more but in the meantime, here's this journey.
The first Jimmy Buffett song I ever knew was Cheeseburger in Paradise and it's still a fave. The hook on that bridge is just *chef's kiss.* Also this is how I found out what a daiquiri was, so I think of it every time I drink one. (Average night in my house: me: what's a daiquiri? my mom: it's an alcoholic drink. me: what's a Havana? my mom: it's a kind of cigar.) I kinda want to make up a tap routine to this song.
The second Jimmy Buffett song I ever knew was Margartaville and it's still a fave too, though not as much as cheeseburger. The lyrics are dry and funny but it's also really evocative; when I was interrogating my mom about the meaning of these lyrics (I did this with every song I heard) I came away thinking the narrator was kind of a depressed alcoholic. I saw a post the other day about how if you shift it into a minor key this song gets really dark and I was like yeah it already was?? But it's also just catching and relaxing, haha. I love margaritas and I do think of this song. I actually have parrot margarita glasses..... Margaritaville is also kind of passively feminist which cracks me up. It's not a woman's fault, it's his own damn fault, and he knows it!!
These are the two my mom sang to me at bedtime, and then when I was slightly older we started listening to the tape, and I got several favorites from that that are still favorites today!
The first one was Come Monday. It's a very sweet song compared to a lot of his others and I love the melody. Every time I'm excited about something that falls on a Monday I sing this to myself.
The other one that really made an impression on me was A Pirate Looks at Forty which is honestly one of my favorite songs, period. If you translate "yes I am a pirate, 200 years too late" literally into French it scans to the tune pretty well and I used to do that just for fun?? And then Jimmy Buffett did that with a bit of one of his other songs on My Brother, My Brother, and Me and I was like Oh Hey. This was the one song I really wanted to hear going into the concert, and I did!
Also on the tape I really loved Son of a Son of a Sailor! I liked Changes in Latitudes, Changes in Attitudes almost as much. And I really loved Why Don't We Get Drunk. It's hilariously honest and it's catchy as hell. When he introduced that one at the concert he mentioned that people bring their kids and grandkids to his concerts and he's not sure the songs are appropriate and I was just like well I was singing along to that when I was seven. These songs all remain favorites although these days I'm partial to the You Had to Be There version of Why Don't We Get Drunk because it's even funnier.
Not on the tape, I really like Fruitcakes. When he says "there's a little bit of fruitcake left in every one of us" I feel something??
When I was at summer camp one year we had a counselor who would sing to us and she sang He Went to Paris and I didn't realize it was Jimmy Buffett at first and when I found out I was like damn. That was one of his personal favorites, at least according to You Had to Be There. I'm still obsessed with that song.
Lately the ones I've been playing on repeat (surely driving my roommates to their very own "are you haunted? are you fucking possessed?" moment) are Mañana and Miss You So Badly. Mañana was on the tape, but I rediscovered it recently and boy do I love it. Miss You So Badly is all about the verses for me and again I prefer the You Had to Be There version.
I bolded the song names in case you want to skim haha!
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cassandragoth26 · 4 months
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✨Simblr New Years Resolutions 2024✨
Ok, let's go with this ajsdjasjd
Tagged me uwu: @lynzishell (I don't know what to say, I like spaghetti, pizza, cachapa and hallaca(?)... Oh great, now I'm hungry ajsdajsd)
What's your Resolution for your Simblr?
Well, continue constant with The 10 Disasters, and start with The 10 Disasters Extra, I also have other stories that I want to upload here (It's legacy challenge a little changed, but it is a legacy challenge ajsjasdj), continue uploading makeovers, I have other projects, how to learn to use blender, not only to render, but to create my own poses or maybe also animations ajsdjas (get a job because I really need that graphics tablet) and probably get back to drawing, because I have wanted to draw my sims for a long time ahsdajsdj Only for now it's just a hand, with a pencil and a piece of paper qwq Start making gameplays, I just need to have a little more confidence… And a new laptop :v Make videos of how I do my makeovers, I want to start making machiminas! For some reason I want to learn how to use blender asjsdjasdj But I want to focus on making dance videos, opera concerts, orchestras, and the occasional video of everyday life jasdjajds God I have a lot of things on my mind! And what's missing!
What do you want from the Sims Franchise?
Rather, I don't want asjdajsdjas okno, cars, and open world (Even though I ran out of a laptop afterwards asjdja), as lynzishell said, I also want bands 😭😭😭. Personally, I want to fix the pronouns in my game, which don't appear (I'm very excited because finally my trans sims will be able to use their pronouns, and this happens to me 😭😭😭). Not only cars, but also airplanes, skateboards, motorcycles. AAH, DREAMING COSTS NOTHING! I would like babies to be able to ride in strollers and that wheelchairs could be included. Well… There are so many things, but I don't want to make the post long ajsdjasd
Any other New Years Resolutions?
Well, let's say that since last year I have been trying (I know I will succeed) to not let depression consume me as it had done these last 5 years, to be more organized in my stories ajssdjasd, to improve my English, to remain constant with my stories (Because I have several, not only of The 10 Disasters, there is also the extra, which tells stories of secondary characters and some other extra, there is the Robles Legacy, which I do have to update because I upload that on Tiktok ajsdjas)
Ok… I'll tag randomly as always (I like it like this, I don't know, I cover my eyes and tag asjdajsd): @aroundthesims @bbdoll @candysims4 @pamsimmer @aelestie @fleeblesim @geeky-simz @hazelminesims @nitrozem
If you have already done it or want to do it, do it(?) and if you don't want to do it, you can ignore it ajsdjaasdj I hope that this year you accomplish everything you set out to do, and if not, that's okay! It doesn't matter! The important thing is that you are getting closer to achieving it! Kisses❤
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marnz · 4 months
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2023 review
an extremely long post re: thoughts on this year
2023 was an extremely weird and fun year of a lot of personal growth! Late last year I had to take leave from work due to some health issues originating from burn out, and going into this year I was extremely nervous about returning to work. I was also determined to do more events and activities this year, which was my ~covid resolution~. And this year turned out to be way different from anything I could have imagined! Not only was returning to work successful, I could quickly tell that the time I took off was instrumental to my health going forward. The skills and perspective shift I practiced and worked on quickly proved themselves to be really important and I felt much better in just about every situation with them on board. I don't want to pretend that this year wasn't difficult--it was, it was stressful and full of a lot of hard work and uncertainty because I did a lot of stuff I had never done before, and tried a lot of new things, and also tried to make some decisions regarding my future. But all of that growth led to some really good things, which I wanted to document.
Good things:
got my driver's license
started doing yoga, which has been great for stress relief. now at the point where I have started to do it independently instead of relying on a class
got back into knitting and knit my first sweater!
saw several shows this year! and I went to a lot of them with friends
befriended some people at work! I always find it challenging to make the leap from work-friend to friend, but turns out going to concerts with people makes that happen. This is also nice bc a lot of my local friends have moved away due to cost of living
made a lot of training progress with Piper. Walking her is so much easier & enjoyable now, and I think our relationship has gotten even better. This has been a multi year project.
read 63 books this year, 13 more than last year. Audiobooks have been a life saver, and reading didn't feel like a chore the way it did at the end of last year.
returned to work successfully, started working on cool projects at work, and have gotten some recognition for it!
went to europe! on a sort of delayed honeymoon
wrote a couple more short stories and worked on original long term fiction a bunch
spent more time kayaking! and more time outside in general, hiking, walking piper, running, etc
got elected VP of the union and became a shop steward, which has been both very rewarding and very challenging
set clear financial goals that I am making progress towards
started being able to eat eggs again! not sure how this happened but it's been a life saver. thank you, immune system.
survived getting covid 😩
started adderall and oh my god....a game changer.
got better at setting boundaries
next year, I would like to work on:
becoming a morning person! I used to be a morning person and then when I got really depressed I lost that power. I know it's possible for me if I take the right steps. I've already started working on it because i'm a masochist
running. I hear it's so good for stress relief and it is so common in my field, plus it is a more attainable form of outside time than hiking (requires driving long distances, waiting for weekend, etc) or kayaking (seasonal, requires buying kayaks, waiting for weekend). my psych also told me that apparently exercise helps stabilize mood and adhd! two things i could def benefit from. i started running today and uhh we'll see how it goes lol. also, i don't drink, i don't smoke, i don't use substances of any kind, give me that fucking runner's high
driving more. driver's license or no, driving still scares me! i want to get to the point where I feel comfortable driving long distances alone, such as being able to take someone to the airport if the train isn't running
continuing big projects at work. honestly I am still considering law school and these projects will give me the chance to think deeply about whether complex litigation is for me.
writing. to be honest, while I still think about my writing projects almost daily, writing just isn't a priority right now. And that's fine. I want to give myself some space and time. i would not have been able to say this a year ago...
using my phone less! something I've noticed is that my phone sometimes makes me feel pretty agitated or i feel overwhelmed by notifications? and that I am happier and able to focus better if my phone is in the other room. for example, when i take a bath I typically put my phone in another room and then i am able to read for hours. I would like to work on this.
continuing creative hobbies. such as knitting, doing more wood working, learning how to sew, etc. brain feel good...
moving & creating a home. we are moving early in the new year, which I am stressed about, but I'm also really excited because it will be a great new space and the location is really, really good. i want to work on making sure this place is as cozy and happy as possible, and also set it up so we can host guests so loved ones can come visit more easily
continuing to build a wardrobe i am happy with! I think I have written before that a lot of my work clothes make me feel like I'm wearing drag, and I'd like to fix that and also continue to knit myself customized pieces I love. like, a sweater vest to wear with a white button down, etc. gender wise i am just vibing but I like menswear more and I would like to continue exploring that
this year I have spent more time talking with my dad and my partner about the future, and while I am still considering law school everyone, including me, is worried about my health w/r/t that, let alone financial shit. my thoughts on this are...I need to have a solid stress management infrastructure in place to be a happy person, regardless of what I do in the future. Knitting & yoga & taking Piper on very long walks daily, plus having stuff to look forward to (shows), has really helped me this year, so I would like to continue exploring that.
as far as work...well I would like it to dictate my life less. right now I'm working from home (office is being remodeled) and I feel like the most boring person alive because I am just. home all the time. I do find work novel because last year I was doing high stress complex litigation and absolutely falling apart over it and this year I'm so chill while doing the same sort of thing. mainly because I have spent so many hours building stress management processes, working on perfectionism, getting perspective, and i've recovered from burn out. game fucking changer! my workload is way too high really high right now, which I don't love, and I keep being put in extremely challenging situations! but that's okay.
anyway. I don't want to misrepresent my life and claim it was exclusively wins this year...there were some really difficult months. December in particular has been so hard. but I'm really happy that I tried so much new stuff this year and I'm excited for 2024.
sending love to y'all! <3
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deusexmachinawitch · 11 months
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Weekend Success Stories
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Disregard what happened in this post, I want to make a list of all the things I manifested this weekend. Now that I slept for like 12 hours and processed things better, I really looked back about all the things I wanted to manifest besides SP and I really succeeded like A LOT of them.
☆ Free trip
The reason for my trip was that I wanted to attend the concert of a group of friends. These girls are some sort of "idols" in my country and they do concerts across the anime conventions or clubs in a city 6 hours from me. They sometimes come to my city but that's really rare. Because of several expenses regarding to my health, I didn't know if I could make it to this trip but I really wanted to go because one of the girls, who is now my friend, has been my inspiration and my oshi/bias for years. Her energy really inspired me to change for the better and become more bold since I was really timid and self-conscious of myself. So I promised her that I would always support her and encourage her like she did with me and we both would strive for our dreams and goals. At first I was afraid to go because of meeting SP, but my promise with her was stronger than that since she came before SP ever came to the picture. So I really wanted to see her and give her my support, also to show SP that his existence wasn't going to make me stop supporting her.
I affirmed hard that I wanted to see the concert no matter what and suddenly I started receiving money from small jobs I did and friends that owed me money, discounts on hotels and one of my roommate's friends being in that city the same weekend so he could drive from the hotel to the venue and then take me back home by car. My roommate, who is like my Mom, also gave money to his friend to make a stop during the roadtrip back so I could have dinner. He also sent me money to buy merch from the group with a note saying "Thank you for doing the groceries and cleaning before leaving, sorry for being a mess because of my depression. Enjoy your weekend". So it was really sweet. So basically, I barely spent on this trip.
☆ Desired Appearance (Looking quite young for my age, clear skin, weight loss disregard what I was going to eat that weekend, silky beautiful purple hair like my favorite anime character, free products)
One thing I already said is that I'm in adult age. I really don't look my age but I was starting to have a very tired appearance that made me insecure, especially the last months leading up to the breakup. I really hate seeing pictures of me from a few months ago because of the weight gain and tired appearance.
I kept affirming that I wanted to look like Senjougahara from Bakemonogatari since she has been my inspiration for the longest time. I wanted to have clear skin and very long healthy purple hair.
So my hair started looking pretty silky, it grew like INSANELY LONG in two months. My hairstylist actually came to visit me and did my hair for free because I helped her with her moving to a new place a few months ago and I got my hair dyed, treated and got free hair products.
Also, there was a huge makeup and skincare product sale and my friends gifted me stuff from the sale. I also got a free new outfit just for the trip for dirt cheap.
Not to mention, I kept getting invited to eat and I actually lost weight despite all I ate and also after measuring me, I lost some centimeters as well so I'm really happy about that!
☆ Everyone missing me and people noticing the glow up (+ someone actually gifting me the specific ribbons I actually wanted)
After the breakup, I actually disappeared from social networks and barely answered messages. I wanted to focus on my LoA journey that I went into stricter mental diets more and more. But I wanted everyone to miss me and care for me but also notice that I did this disappearance to have a better mindset and feel good in my skin.
After I arrived to the venue, everyone actually showered me with attention. My friends said that probably SP acted out like he did because I got all the attention on me, actually looked much better without him and he looked rough even though he was the one that broke up with me.
I received hugs and attention from everyone, including my SP's bias. Plus my bias hugged me a lot and took a lot of pictures of us and posted them on social media. Not to mention that we both look so pretty in the polaroids we took and I have a polaroid with my bias hugging me (suck that, mean SP).
Also, a girl whom I know from social media and kept seeing me in cons, came to hug me and said how much she missed me because I was an inspiration for everyone because I keep encouraging others even in my darkest times. She found out I was coming because people told her in secret that I was on my way and she came running to see me to tell me to not stop doing what I'm doing and to keep having a wonderful heart.
But the most shocking thing for me was that, I was doing @fleurlx's "Badass Alter Ego Challenge" to become the person who I wanted to become. I took note about the clothes and such, but one thing I wanted were a pair of black ribbon clips that were long but not too big to not look "cartoony", but I really couldn't find them anywhere. But suddenly this girl tells me she has a gift for me and it's the EXACT SAME RIBBONS I IMAGINED. She said to me that she always loved my purple hair and it was getting longer and longer, so she went to a store to find me a "welcome back" gift and felt drawn to these ribbons for some reason and hoped I liked them. I thanked her and wore them on the spot, she was really happy and stayed with me as well. Plus she shamelessly plugged my socials to everyone lol. Guess I have to come back, at least for people like her, I'll also take a lot of pictures with the ribbons, because she believed in me and gave me the final piece to be my alter ego, my best self... Which is not only the ribbons themselves, but the love of people who believed in me in my best and worst.
I was also randomly gifted a nail polisher and overnight hair rollers so I wouldn't ruin my long hair with a iron curler if I wanted to try having princess-like curls.
☆ Do something fun that weekend that could help me feel more powerful about my self-concept
I know this sounds abstract but I had a whole day off before the con, so I didn't know what to do. The thing is that, my hotel was very far from the main city but not far enough to not have public transportation. I decided to trust the Universe on the hotel it manifested to me because it was cheap and the area wasn't a dangerous one.
I did well on trusting the Universe, because there was a party for the anniversary of an arcade and I actually secretly help restore and fix arcades. So people who were aware of me but have never seen me in person (because they just bring the machines to the workshop and I just go in hours where no one's there), sent me an invitation when they were told by my roommate that I was actually like a 15 minutes walk from their arcade.
The thing is that they were shocked that I was actually a girl, that I was someone they have seen before at cons and someone quite well-known and that I was keeping this a secret. I actually told them that I appreciate my privacy and I prefer to be humble about my skills. I actually ended up helping them fix an arcade while being in a pretty dress then just hijacked the arcades I liked for myself, especially MaiMai.
I got flirted on by several people, got several new followers and kicked everyone's ass in MaiMai whenever someone challenged me. And related to the DR manifestation, everyone thought I was WAAAAAAY younger my actual age and that made me feel great.
I think the best comment I heard was "WTF, you're so cool and so pretty! I didn't know what to expect when I heard that the second technician of xxxxx was a shut-in that just ate snacks, played Splatoon and just listened to idol music in the workshop. No wonder you don't want everyone to see you, people would either try to flirt with you or harass you because gamers be like that". I'll take this to heart and continue being a shut-in, the main technician of the workshop actually protected my identity for the same reason this person stated after all (he's a childhood friend and protects me with his life).
☆ Small mean manifestations
Because SP was mean with everyone including myself, I manifested for his bias to not pay attention to him and for the weather to be suddenly rainy when he went back home so he has something to think about his behavior on his way home.
So his bias had to leave because she had to go do other things and IT DID RAIN AS SOON WE ALL HAD TO LEAVE. I was leaving by car so I had no problems, but I saw SP running to the train station without an umbrella.
While I still care about him and I want to revise him since I do love him, I wanted him to think about what he had done to everyone and how childish he was by being ignored then having to leave to his house by himself and in a hurry. I wanted the Universe to teach him a lesson so he grows up, especially because he really caused several scenes during the con with several people and disturbed people attending.
I also manifested for the group to not have any concerts til late Fall so he has nothing to do during the Summer and stays home to think about what he has done and actually the group announced the won't have more concerts til at least October. But I also manifested to be closer to my bias disregard that and she is talking to me more and making plans with me to livestream together or hang out during the Summer! In fact, she accepted the offer of performing a solo concert at my city at the arcade next to my workshop and my childhood friend told me he would actually close the place out for it to be a private live but prepare equipment to livestream it! She also told me to check matching clothes!
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Long story short...
Affirm and persist and winning is my only option!
Plus, I don't care about what happened with SP anymore because I think the Universe did this to show him how much of a God I am, what he is missing and to make him realize his behavior. So I didn't have a loss! I only won!
Well, time will bring him to me for sure as a better person.
I also want to thank my roommate, my LoA buddy, my childhood friend, the amazing and friendly @loass-angel AI and a certain LoA coach from the Elysian Discord for supporting me during this weekend and enduring my spams lol.
Thank you all for reading!
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the-new-hip-priest · 5 months
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A long post wherein I recount my experience at a Limp Bizkit show and get increasingly emotional about the power of live shows and their resulting memories as a coping mechanism for deep depression.
Wednesday night was honestly the most fun I've had in several years. It was full of childlike glee and giddiness and excitement. And sweat. Lots of sweat. I knew that I'd have a blast, having already seen them back in 2012, but this time Limp Bizkit put on one of the best, engaging live shows I've ever seen. It was a big, bouncing nu-metal party and the atmosphere was electric. Everyone in attendance was there to have a good time. No fighting, no dickheads, no munted macho bullshit, just roughly 1000 people ready to party like it's still 1999.
The opening act was HANABIE., an all-female Japanese "metalcore" band, but calling them metalcore feels reductive because they incorporate so many different elements into their sound (electronica/hip-hop/punk/nu-metal as well as Harajuku culture). I really want to gush about them but I'd just end up regurgitating the entire wikipedia article. Their energy was so contagious and the crowd was equally keen and receptive. There was even a circle pit during We Love Sweets which I couldn't help but join. I got a gentle accidental elbow in the face, and slipped on some empty drink cans but got picked up immediately. In a matter of thirty minutes I was already drenched and forming my first bruises.
As for Limp Bizkit, I've been writing and deleting and re-writing and re-deleting this paragraph since Thursday morning. I can't find the words. From a distance, watching myself get all emotional about this band in particular is actually hilarious. My thoughts are so muddled but I've realised that I've been so touched by this concert because they made me feel like a kid again. I've been lucky enough to see some of my other all-time favourite bands live - highly regarded and renowned performers, but I wasn't listening to Nine Inch Nails or The Fall or Radiohead when I was eight years old, so they can't evoke the same emotions.
I fangirled and flapped when Wes came on stage and as soon as they opened with My Generation, I was overcome with such a powerful, innocent euphoria that kept me jumping and screaming all night long. I'm struggling to describe it because I didn't think I was capable of feeling that sort of natural high ever again - I thought I had destroyed my capacity for pure pleasure through drug use in my 20s. Yet here I was, utterly jubilant and energetic, one row back from the barrier directly in front of possibly my favourite guitarist of all time. Fred chatted a lot with the crowd (I uncharacteristically gushed and giggled like a school girl when he was talking to us down the front), and a surprising amount of mens underwear got thrown on stage. They did a fun transition from Rollin' into Raw Hide, covered Killing In The Name, did a big sing-along of Careless Whisper, and even played Re-Arranged which was a nice surprise. I would have loved for them to play Out Of Style, but I understand people want to hear the old stuff. The atmosphere was non-stop fun from the opening note until the end of Don't You Forget About Me which they play as they leave the stage.
I had been hoping to have some sort of acknowledgement or interaction with Wes, like catching one of the roses that he throws into the audience. Given that I was at the front, I took a shot during a quiet moment between songs and yelled out "Hey Wes, wish Alie [his fiancee] a late happy birthday from me!" and he walked straight over to me and threw me his pick! Achievement unlocked! I reacted like a QTE and almost burst into tears when I realised I caught it. Almost. I didn't want to fuck up my fancy makeup and contact lenses. As my partner pointed out, most of the roses had been torn to shreds by the end of the show, but I got a personalised treasure to hold on to. I've kept it close to me ever since (and played my own guitars with it, naturally). It's like he gave me a little talisman of hope and happiness and I really need something like that right now. December is always a hard time of year for me. On top of that, I've been feeling so incredibly bleak about the future and sometimes find myself making certain plans in the back of my mind. But this silly little bit of plastic with a picture of Lisa Vanderpump with a beer bong labelled Borland/Wes' Baphomet logo on it makes me feel like I can keep going. Like I want to keep going in spite of my fear and my pain. I almost feel a tongue-in-cheek sense of resentment, like, "how dare one of my favourite musicians inspire some sense of hope in me during such a tough time?"
Someone filmed the entire show and I am eternally grateful to them. I can giggle at my own distinctive cheering early in the set. I can watch Fred's playful shenanigans with the front row. I can see my interaction with Wes. I can remember. There are times when it feels like the last ounce of hope has left your body, and it causes you to forget. You no longer feel capable of caring, so you simply forget how much you love music and comedy and every other little thing that makes life worth living. That's why I have a big folder sleeve filled with physical memories that I can turn to, full of ticket stubs and entry wristbands and the like so I have something tangible to tie back to my experiences. I've got some drumsticks and a NIN setlist as well. Having the means of reliving those moments is an invaluable tool when fighting major depressive episodes. I will sit there and carefully examine each piece and something will stir inside of me. It could be the faintest echo of a feeling, but it will come, and it will remind me that life is worth fighting for.
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raytorosaurus · 1 year
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Actually truly so so brutally depressed already after last night. I know the key to overcoming post concert depression is just to tell yourself you’ll see another show one day and to just look forward to that, but MCR are such an unknown already and I couldn’t tell if they had a good enough time last night to want to come back at least to Brisbane. Like Ray and Mikey looked really smiley and happy but G seemed tired (like he said he got up at 5am or whatever) and didn’t talk to us very much. I just feel like everything is over now 🥲 and I’m so jealous you’re going again tonight! I hope they have an amazing night and they seem happy!
aww i'm sorry :(((. but gerard didn't seem tired to me at all, at least not in a way that affected their performance! i think your post-show depression brain is lying to you, don't let it get you down!
also if it's just about tickets, there are resale ones left for tonight if you can make it! this site should be legit
https://tixel.com/au/music-tickets/2023/03/14/my-chemical-romance-brisbane-ent
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