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hugs4lifesworld · 6 months

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Never mind - Peter Parker x Stark! reader

Former relationship between peter and reader but it has been bad since Tony died. Reader is friends with Flash and met him before Peter from galas, charity things, and other events. In some ways he knows her better than anyone else. Very little of Peter.

"I can't believe you're really making me go." I grumble to Happy as he half drags, half guides me into the airport carrying my luggage given my refusal to even going on this trip. Happy having heard my complaints, bargaining, and weak threats the whole way continues to ignore me which he has done for the past half hour after simply arguing "Maybe this will be good for you." We make it to the large group of teenagers I call classmates where I am finally released only to be surrounded by my friends. As they chatter away I catch a glimpse of Happy speaking to the two teachers who are chaperoning before leaving. I roll my eyes and sit down beside Michelle knowing I won't get far if I even try to escape.

Before long the last member of the class comes and we go through to our gate. After that we board our plane. Out of habit I follow Flash to the first class area where we both have seats reserved, should we choose to use them. I laugh at him when the stewardess takes the drink from him when Michelle rats that he was blipped and therefore not 21. The two of us are instructed to sit with the rest of the class until after take off. We comply and I end up by Brad and Flash is a few rows back. In the seat across from me is Michelle with Betty beside her. The crew begins their safety demonstration and then we take off.

Flash and I decide to stay with the rest of the class for the time being and he sleeps while I continue the book I have been reading. Roughly half way into the flight I finish the book and am not tired. The cabin crew is also making rounds, checking on everyone so it would be pointless to even attempt to sleep. Looking around the cabin I catch Peter's eyes already looking at me, feelings I have been pushing down bubble and overwhelm me and I have to rip my eyes away. Sighing, I divert my gaze onto the screen in front of me so they don't gravitate back to Peter. 'Might as well' I think before grabbing the headphones and putting them on. I reach forward flicking on the screen and pushing the listening option. Scrolling through I find only audiobooks about The Avengers, some older books about Steve and one on the blip.

I simultaneously feel angry, annoyed, and get a lump in my throat and my eyes burn. Quickly switching to the in-flight movies I hope and pray that it's something different. I quickly find that they are different but this is worse, so much worse.

All I see are "documentaries" on my dad. My breath hitches and the more I scroll through the less I seem to be able to catch my breath. I am startled when I feel a hand on my arm and look to see it's Flash giving me a questioning look and I nod. I know he doesn't believe me but he, thankfully, lets it go for now. I switch the screen off, practically ripping the headphones off. Michelle looks over at me while Betty gasps "Y/n!" causing several members of our class including Brad, Ned, and Peter to look at me which I try my best to ignore.

Just then a stewardess walks by, "Excuse me." I say to the blonde woman who has an incredibly fake smile plastered on her face. I think I catch the end of an eye roll as she turns to me answering, "Yes, how can I help you?". "Do you happen to have any other movies?" I ask her hoping I don't have too much emotion in my voice. Because Ned, Flash, MJ, and Peter are all focused on me but I can tell I failed. "I'm afraid we don't, Miss. I'm sorry." she answers and goes to walk away "How about a book then?" I ask her. With a barely concealed sigh she answers "I'll check." and she leaves. She is back in a few minuets with 3 books. Glancing at the spines I read the titles. Once again they are about the Avengers and the blip, Steve, and my father. This time I don't bother to hide anything, with a heavy sigh and a seemingly exasperated tone I ask. "Do you have anything that's NOT about Tony Stark? A magazine, anything?" I stress. "No, Ma'-" I interrupt "Fine, a sleeping pill then?" I ask snapping at her trying to keep from crying. she scoffs and straitens wiping the fake grin from her plump red lips and narrowing her brown eyes at me. "What is your problem?" She questions me and I shoot back "I just don't want to read or listen to anything about Tony Stark!" I exclaim thankful the two teachers are sleeping and I easily ignore everyone else.

She gapes at me looking indignant "How dare you. Tony Stark was an amazing man who sacrificed everything." she practically yells at me. "Never mind." I huff out sitting back in my seat "I don't want to hear about it. Okay?" I tell her in a clipped tone.

"Tony Stark was the founder and leader of the Avengers! He housed S.H.E.I.L.D. He was an incredibly selfless man who died for the world." She raises her voice slightly becoming more frantic as she speaks. I only hold my tongue for a few moments before I burst. Jumping to my feet "Okay. First, he was not the founder of the Avengers. That was Nick Fury who came up with the original idea and Phil Coulson and Maria Hill helped execute said idea. Second, He was not the leader. Steve Rogers is," I pause "Was. Captain America was the leader. Tony did however pay for everything. Third, He never housed S.H.E.I.L.D, only gave former agents new jobs. Finally, He was an incredibly selfish man." I list off, finishing emotionally and scornfully before rushing away only barely taking notice of Flash angrily send her away to get the head steward and not come back.

Leaning on the sink I heave, trying to catch my breath and not let the sobs out but one escapes.

Then another...

And another.

Crap.

Next thing I know I'm in the hallway between coach and first class and Peter is kneeling in front of me telling me to breathe. The black at the edges of my vision slowly recedes and I can hear Flash shouting at who I assume is the head stewardess. I gather myself and push Peter away and stand. "I'm fine. You can go." I tell him making my way back to Flash and our seats to gather my things before he can say anything. "You and your staff should read the manifest." Flash states as I shoulder my bag. "I'm sorry, sir, but your friend was belligerent and Mr. Stark was a hero." She says trying to dismiss the issue. "If you had read the manifest you would have seen that Y/N Stark was on this flight. If anyone has the right to be selfish, it's her." He bites to her and snatches up his bag, I assume from the sound.

The last thing I hear before passing through the curtain to first class is "She is his daughter after all." and him stomping after me. Throwing ourselves in our new plush seats we sigh and Flash silently reaches over putting his hand on mine and we sit that way in silence for a while until he squeezes my hand. "What's going on in that head of yours?" He asks. My first response is a simple shrug but he gives me a look and I can't help sighing again, "I just still can't believe they made me come on this stupid trip." I tell him. "Maybe they thought it would be good for you." He tells me. "Yeah, right." I reply with a scoff.

"They get five years with him and I ... lost five. Sure, I'm not the only one in the world. No one else got blipped, came back, had to fight, and then watch their dad sacrifice himself." Feeling the tickle of the tears I angrily wipe my face and sniff before continuing, "Then I go home and find my dad married Pepper, which is great and I love her, she is the only mom I've ever known and on top of it I have a little sister." Flash just lets me rant. "Then, I have to go to work helping everyone else. I didn't even get to hug him or tell him I love him." I finally burst and Flash pulls me into a hug, holding me as I cry. Eventually succumbing to my emotions and exhaustion and falling asleep in one of my best friends arms.

A few hours later I'm lightly shaken awake by Flash so he can tell me we will be landing soon. I sit up staring at the floor before whispering "Thank you." to Flash who squeezes my shoulder as if to say "no problem" while holding out my make up bag out to me in the other. I raise an eyebrow at him and he simply said "Parker brought it.". I grab it with a huff and stand knowing I'm going to have to talk to him ... eventually. I make my way to the restroom I had previously tried to gain control in with a new determination but find the door locked. I stand and wait for only a few seconds before the door swings open to reveal Peter. Once he sees me his eyes widen and he slams the door. Okay I think and see Brad coming so I decide to try another restroom to fix my make up so when we land I will appear to be all together, just in case.

It only takes me about seven minuets to redo my makeup and make sure my hair is presentable. Once I finish that I go back to my seat, buckle my seat belt, and wait for the plane to land. "Your teachers want you to disembark the plane with the rest of your class." The head steward appears and instructs Flash and I and I simply roll my eyes while Flash gives a simple nod and she disappears.

"So, why are you pissed at Parker?" Flash asks as the plane slowly descends. "I'm not." I say. "That's bullshit and you know it." He shoots back. With a sigh I try again, "I'm not pissed at him. Why do you think that?". He gives me a look and answers "You two were good together. As much as I hate it. You were happy and now you'll barely even look at him." He points out. "We both have a lot of things to work out ... with my dad and stuff. You know the internship." I shrug. "So talk to him." "It's not that easy." I answer. He just looks at me as we land on the tarmac.

The plane finally comes to a stop and Flash and I join our class to disembark. Somehow I end up by Peter, MJ, Ned, and Betty. It is quickly revealed that Betty and Ned are dating. After a few awkward interactions between peter and I, the whole class exits the airport. With that our trip officially begins.

#peter parker #peter parker x stark!reader #peter parker x reader #peter parker imagine #mcu #mcu spiderman #michelle jones #ned leeds #flash thompson #spiderman no way home #quentin beck

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autopotion · 4 months

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Recruiting the Hat Man

In this challenge playthrough of FFT, I was determined to recruit the thief in the Dorter Trade City battle--you know, the guy who throws his hat on the ground. I knew his unique menu portrait would change to the generic one as soon as I did, but I didn't care. He's one of the few enemy generics to express any personality, so he's the perfect prize for a playthrough like this one. Additionally, he's demonstratively afraid of Gafgarion (and might or might not have had some sort of tryst with him, according to the most venerable of Tactics scholars), so the idea of coaxing him into my party, with Gafgarion still in it, tickled me. I had to get him.

First of all, Agrias and Gafgarion are guests for this fight. I didn't unequip them or change their classes because I figured they would come in handy taking out the rest of the enemy units (they did!), but they presented a very unique challenge to my truly deranged endeavors to keep the hat man alive.

Second of all, the RNG gods decided the hat man's name is Heinline. That is a terrible name. I almost reset the battle upon seeing it. But I decided against it (mostly due to impatience). This is the hand that fate dealt me. I would have Heinline or I would not have the hat man at all.

The following sequence had Zoe and I howling in laughter for like twenty minutes.

My mediator, Tia, got to go fairly early in the order after Ramza Yelled at her. I boldly attempt to Invite the thief on her first turn. First recruitment attempt didn't work, and as a result of this configuration my mediator got killed by two archers and a wizard. My time mage fell shortly after.

Agrias came in clutch with a phoenix down, which was a nice surprise. I moved my mediator behind one of the houses and let her relax for a bit.

Once Tia was in better health, I tried one more time to invite the thief. That failed. Gafgarion killed him.

"Okay," I said to Zoe, starting to feel a tad frustrated. "I'm about to do something hilarious." I whittled down the rest of the enemies and waited for Gafgarion and Agrias to move closer to the archers, the only remaining units.

My mediator used a phoenix down and brought the enemy thief back to life.

Gafgarion killed him instantly.

Alright, poorly timed resurrection. I waited a bit longer and brought thief back to life a second time. He retreated to a corner after stabbing Tia (that's gratitude for ya). My mediator followed him, to no avail. Gafgarion killed him again.

Not to be deterred, I revived the thief once more. This battle had dragged on far longer than it needed to, but I was determined. (Shortly after this, Agrias killed the last archer.)

This time I captured him in an alley squished behind the tall houses. After another failed invite, he tried to steal the heart of my mediator, which similarly failed. (Dare I say… kismeses?)

Unfortunately, because I didn't see him there, Gafgarion was also trapped in the alley. This was very bad for me, because if he killed the thief, the battle was over, and the hat man would slip from my grasp forever. Fortunately, instead of slaughtering the thief again, he decided to waste one of his turns casting Protect (???) on my clustered troops when the thief was standing literally right next to him. Pinned between him and Ramza, in fact.

My only goal now was to get the thief on my side before my overpowered guests killed him again. Every time his health dipped I had Ramza heal him. The rest of the battle wound up being a cycle of Tia using Invite -> Silky casting Haste (which often got everyone BUT my mediator) -> Ramza Yelling at Tia -> Tia using Invite -> Gafgarion and/or Agrias getting in a sword skill on the thief -> The thief stabbing someone -> My wizard skipping his turn -> Ramza using Chakra on the thief -> Tia using Invite.

One of Agrias's strategically timed Stasis Swords Stopped the guy, which was an unexpected boon. So he just had to stand there in petrified silence as he had the life drained from him and then restored every couple of turns while my mediator seduced him over Ramza's head.

After TWELVE tries, long after my mages were out of MP and had little to do but jog in place, the thief finally surrendered and allowed himself to be press-ganged into joining our merry band of mercenaries. Join Up! :)

Sorry Agrias. I was a little busy psychologically torturing an irrelevant ruffian. But it was, like, really important.

#fft blogging

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duck-in-a-thrift-store · 28 days

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Personal rant bc we haven't gotten my official results yet but we did get a very stressful phone call about it, and because adhd has been kicking my ass lately. This is going to be long and rambly and all over the place, and if you're anti self-dx, I wouldn't suggest reading further (or interacting with me in general). It also sort of becomes just me psychoanalyzing my own behavior and infodumping about it

-------------------------------------------------------

For context, I'm autistic and adhd, and I went and talked to a psychologist a couple weeks ago and had some testing done

Personally, I don't really feel the need to have an official diagnosis for autism. I'm confident in my informed self-diagnosis (technically it was actually my parents who first suggested I might be autistic but I've learned a lot about it since then and now I'm pretty sure I'm more convinced than they are) and I just don't think a doctor's note will do much for me (totally understand and support anyone who does want to get diagnosed tho). Adhd however is another story. If I want meds that will actually work and accommodations with my school, they need proof, and as things are I am desperate for some help.

So the appointment I had a couple weeks ago was supposed to be for adhd testing, but apparently he also lowkey tested me for autism while we were there. Which like, fine, whatever, it would be sort of nice to have that validated I guess, but when we checked back in with him on the phone earlier this week he started using outdated and problematic terms like high-functioning and aspergers and I'll just say that it did not exactly inspire confidence

But that can of worms aside, let me get back to (mostly) adhd related ranting

I feel like there could be an essay about how the diagnostic process for adhd is flawed and doesn't work all that well for people who have an internalized notion that their worth as a person is dependent on their academic success and task performance and therefore spent their childhood and adolescence funneling all their efforts time and attention into school and generally being seen as a good well-behaved bright kid out of desperation to have value (and it worked- I've always made good grades, but what people don't see is the days, weeks, months of paralyzed procrastination, the anxiety-fueled mad rush in the end to get things done late, and the grace I'm inexplicably shown every time, without which my grades would be much worse)

I'm scared, that I'm going to be determined "too high functioning" to be diagnosed even though I'm currently doing basically nothing with my life outside of college and yet I'm technically failing like half of my classes right now, that they're going to say "well the signs weren't there when you were younger" even though there's a variety of explanations for why that might be, not the least of which being the fact that for some folks with both autism and adhd the traits of the two have a tendency to "hide" one another

Apparently he also ran an iq test on me, and he broke down the 5 scores to us; I scored in the upper average/above average bracket in all but the 4th, processing speed, in which I'm below average. And like yeah, I'm well aware that I'm slow, but I guess it's official now-

Anyway, my main point with the iq thing was that while he was telling us about my high scores in the first 3 areas, I'm sitting here getting more and more uneasy, bc I'm like yeah sure I'm intelligent or whatever but it isn't worth shit if I can't motivate myself to actually do anything with that potential, and the conditions under which I was tested just don't reflect my day to day life closely enough to give an accurate reading, in my opinion.

Basically I'm afraid this guy is going to look at the results of some tests- tests which I was really focused on bc of the intrinsic fear of failure that plagues my existence (even though rationally I know you can't fail a psychological evaluation) and bc I know it's a bitch of a process to even get tested in the first place and I wasn't going to waste the opportunity goddammit-

That he's going to look at them and decide that I'm "too smart" to have a learning disability, when, again, all the brains in the world wouldn't do me any good if I

1) don't have the ability to self-motivate and direct them at what I need to be working on, even if I've been beating myself up about that pile of homework or my disaster of a room for weeks or even months, and

2) have such a loose grasp on the concept of time and priorities that I have on multiple occasions found myself pulling all-nighters on personal projects or reading for pleasure or scrolling on my phone only to realize oh shit I have to get up for school in like two hours, oh fuck, I'm going to be exhausted all day, what happened to "let's go to sleep early this time, I'll just do this for like 5 more minutes and then call it a night"

or realize after one of those all-nighters that what was actually a period of about 10 hours feels more like 10 minutes to me ("man wasn't I literally just here to get dinner" the next morning, passing the caf on my way to class on exactly 0 hours of sleep and still having managed not to get any of my actual class work done in all that time)

And also just that tendency in itself is significant, to get so deeply hooked on something once it does manage to get my attention, that I often feel like I can't stop until outside forces demand it- staying up until 4am on a school night painting my phone case and texting my crush (14 or 15), making bracelet after bracelet at the kitchen table at ungodly hours of the night because I couldn't sleep and now that I'm on a roll I don't want to break the momentum (18, a few months ago), throwing horrific amounts of time at reading fanfiction of whatever series currently has my interest when I have so much work that needs to get done if I want to have a chance at passing my courses this semester (18, basically present), making a last minute birthday present for my aunt and being so caught up in the rush and the craft of what I was working on that I ignored my body's needs until I ended up pissing myself (12), etc

The fact that I've been meaning to catch up with my high school friends for weeks or months, literally something as simple as a "how have yall been" in the group chat, yet for some reason I still haven't gotten around to it

The fact that for all my alleged intelligence I still haven't learned to ride a bike or drive a car or apply for a job or develop a work-life balance or play any of the instruments I want to or have a thriving social life or feel like a person (I think these are more autism-related but I'm throwing them in anyway)

The fact that minor (or even just mistakenly perceived) disapproval or judgment or teasing or having a text left on read can send me spiraling into anxiety and convinced that everyone hates me and that I'm worthless or obnoxious or stupid (rejection sensitivity is a bitch)

The fact that when I try to read I have to make a constant conscious effort not to jump ahead and all over the place and I often have to reread the same passage multiple times to understand it because I realize that I wasn't actually paying attention the first couple of times, my mind elsewhere and my eyes wandering

I know even if I do get diagnosed they'll say it's inattentive, not hyperactive or combined, because the majority of my hyperactivity is either fairly subtle movements (because I'm socially anxious and clumsy and don't want to draw attention to myself or run the risk of breaking or disturbing something) or just straight up in my head. Like sure I'm not a nine year old boy who can't sit still in class and is constantly bouncing around all over the place and getting into trouble and driving his parents and teachers crazy (bc being seen as annoying and unruly by authority figures would have broken me), but there's always so much noise in my brain, it's always talking or playing music in the background or thinking about the 47 different projects I need to be working on and the media it wants to be engaging with instead and the 1000s of things there are to worry about in a day; sometimes I'll get stuck in a loop where I'm mentally repeating a word or phrase over and over and over again until I feel like I'm going crazy

All of this is stuff that this guy doesn't see, and that worries me when it comes to the validity of his assessment

But basically, what I'm trying to say is, I swear to god if the people around me don't believe that there's clearly something not neurotypical going on here I'm going to fucking riot

And, ranting aside, I want to end this post with a note to all my fellow neurodiverse folks who are waiting for answers or treatment or validation or support or whatever.

I feel you. Hang in there. You have my well wishes in your endeavors. And remember, it's ok to be happy with or proud of who you are and what makes you different, it's ok to embrace your neurodiversity while also acknowledging how difficult it can be to live with and the fact that you might need extra time or support with things that seem to come easily to other people. It's ok to admit that it's fucking hard sometimes, and it's ok to ask for help. Take care, mates

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gourmetweeddogs · 10 months

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RATE MY SHIPS WHORE

Brody x Chuck

Doan x Kayla

Shannon x Pally

Brody x Matt

Budwin x Doan

Jojo x Papa Louie

Olivia x Koilee

Kenji x Mitch

Allan x Hank

Didar x Duke Gotcha

These are god tier ships so treat them as such

-Love, MamaEarth

Casually ignores this because I'm afraid of what I'll see

Welp fellas i'm being held at gunpoint again so i guess i'm gonna have to do this!

7/10 I think these two could work... I think they'd make a cute couple. Brody would sit in class and draw chuck 24/7 and chuck would be like HOW ARE YOU FAILING ART SCHOOL YOU HAD LIKE 40 MAJORS-

8/10 cutee. They'd be nice together. Kayla would just casually walk into the Pastaria and Doan would just stand there on the verge of going into cardiac arrest bc she's gorgeous (you read the ao3 didn't you you menace)

100/10 They're adorable! I can see them just putting stickers on each other for no reason and holding hands all day like the silly goofy couple they are😊😊

8/10 i think they'd be good friends, but don't really see them as a couple. Plus tony is a canon asshole and would bully Brody to tears if matt ever told him that they were dating💀

6/10 heh. They'd be nice friends, but i don't see budwin as Doan's type....his laziness would probably drive Doan to insanity and lead him to smother the poor thing with his own pillow (well, that was a bit farfetched but you get my point)

5/10 i'm confused

10/10 Aww....never considered these two together but i like it! They'd go to eachothers restaurants and be like "hey babygirl😏" and everyone else in the line would be like "bro what the fu-"

10000000/10 EARTH YOU KNOW I LOVE ME SOME KENJITCH💖💖

6/10 oh. That's a um, very unique ship if i do say so myself....too bad half the fandom hc allan as a drug addict/dealer so in any case it might not work, but here i think it's pretty cute!

😐👉🏻🚪

Anyways thankies for the ask wifey! You should do them more often!(what am i saying please don't)

You're a real one MamaEarth,

-YourLocalHimbo

#more flipline ships yessiree #daddy lou's gangland lets goo #flipline #what possessed you to even consider the last one #Brody is a malewife now #deal with it

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freydheim · 1 year

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1899, 1.01- "The Ship"

I'll be honest, I didn't really know what to expect when I first started this show. I'd only seen one trailer for it, and I knew it was recent, and I knew it starred Lucas Lynggard Tønnesen. From the trailer, I could definitely tell that this was going to be something that was maybe a bit scary, definitely a mystery, and likely the sort of thing I'd get hooked on- even if it did turn out to be a bit of a horror show.

Has it? So far, not really from what I can tell. It's definitely eerie, and suspenseful- something meant to get your heart pumping and set you on edge. Maura's "visions"- or memories, more accurately- flash on screen almost as if between the frames of what we're meant to see, giving an ethereal and unsettling quality to them. As for what happened to her, I do have a theory.

We're shown scenes of her in what is clearly a mental institution, as well as a brief scene of what appears to be Maura with a lover, as well as learning through her interaction with the little Danish girl that she could not have children. Now, I'll be honest- I have no idea if this was still happening in 1899, though I feel like I recall this being a thing in the Victorian era, but at some point in history women were often put in mental facilities for taking a lover, as it was seen as the woman having "too much" sexual interest, and something that could only be a mental illness. I know 1899 is just at the very tail end of the Victorian era, and the Edwardian begins in just two years, but I wouldn't be surprised if it's something like this, and perhaps she was sterilized as a result? Quite dark, but I am expecting dark things from this show so I won't be terribly surprised.

To break up the intensity for a moment, I'll switch to discussing Krester, who quickly stole my heart this episode. He seems super sweet, like a caring brother and someone who's just good. I don't know what's happened to his face, but I do know I'll be very curious to find out. I really like how protective of his sister he was, how he barged into upper class's space to find a doctor for her, and I felt so bad for him when he got tossed down the stairs and seemed afraid of Maura when she came to help his sister. He's definitely my favorite character so far, and I'm very much looking forward to seeing more of him!

Another set of characters I'm quite interested in is Clémence and Lucien. Whatever happened between them for them to end up married, I get the feeling it was by her design. Don't get me wrong, Lucien doesn't strike me at all as a great guy- though that may change as the story progresses- but that little smirk on Clémence's face seemed to indicate she definitely knew more than she was letting on about something. If we add to that how Lucien appeared to be coming to terms with the fact she doesn't love him after their failed attempt at sex, it begins to look like she's married him for some purpose. I know I've seen some speculation that he might be gay, but I actually propose the opposite- I think Clémence may be. It's either that, or a revenge plot of some sort. Both? Unsure, but I really want to find out why she's married him when she seems to really dislike him quite strongly.

But enough of this- I'll give more thoughts on other characters as more is revealed about them, but as of right now I want to move on to the elephant in the room: the ship, and the mystery itself.

One of the most interesting things I've noticed is all the triangles all over the place. The one in Maura's eye when she woke, the ones in the carpet, on that door number, the things are everywhere- not to mention the pyramid! I wonder if maybe this has something to do with the Bermuda Triangle? Then there's also that one bit where they all drink the tea at the same time, and... maybe there's some sort of alternate reality thing going on? It would be interesting if, I think, the passengers on the Prometheus have somehow all ended up in some alternate world where they're on this ship? I don't know! But it'll definitely be super fun to follow this story and see where it's going!

As always, I'd love to know what you think! Drop your thoughts in the replies below, or feel free to reblog with your own commentary :) You know I always want to hear from you, and I hope I will! Until next the next one- skål!

#1899 #1899 review #the ship #netflix #freydheim

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erstwhilesparrow · 2 years

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i am going to lie to you, okay? i am going to tell lies to you. here goes.

one winter, i made lists of places i would go when i was older. north, always north. i wanted to walk north until my legs gave out, or i got scared and turned back. i would lie awake dreaming it, and in the morning i would be furious, because those dreams always ended with me too afraid to move -- the way back too exhausting, the way forward too unknown. i was so mad, because i wasn't moving, and i don't think i wanted to be, and i couldn't think of anything else. i failed all my classes because i couldn't think of anything else. my creative writing professor was so disappointed. i almost cried the last time we spoke.

i'm lying to you. i'm still lying to you.

another winter, a little before that, i was walking through every cliche i could find, waltzing into its cobwebs and trying to see if i could hold such things behind my teeth. i asked one friend what another friend's tongue tasted like. i wanted to hold someone's hand, but no, not like that. i wanted to put my mouth on another person's mouth, but no, not like that. i wanted to believe that my whole life would be worth more than the inside of an apple seed, but no, not like that. my best friend looked right at me for the first time all year that winter and said, don't you get bored, being like that? aren't you just so sick of being lonely like that?

none of this is true. i like lying to you.

i've seen lilypads before, so big you could lie down on them. a friend -- no, a different friend, one i've never wanted to kiss but yeah i did think about it -- told me to try breathing underwater and i thought it might be nice to drown together. it was a bad year, you know, and everything smelled like brine. you soak in that kind of thing long enough, you forget air can get thin, forget that breathing doesn't have to happen below sea level. i said to my friend, we're so close to being interesting, but it just doesn't come out right. my friend told me to take another breath, and i did.

i'm enjoying this, you know? i don't want you to recognize me, except-- ooh, you almost got me there. i'm still lying to you.

my city has not one but two places to take rope classes. very reasonable rates. i think about this sometimes, in relation to the mechanics of desire, and the places where my friends keep asking me to draw chalk outlines on the floorboards. i don't need to say any more than this, right? you can invent your own fictions to fit the shape of it there, right? i am talking and talking and none of it is real. no, you're not looking at the right spot. a couple degrees lower. almost there. i believe in you. i'm lying to you.

all right, fine. it was the same friend both times. all three times. how many times have i said friend? i wanted to start this with something about my heart, something about my loves. i just don't have it in me to lie like that, i guess.

#sparrowsong

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all-pacas · 6 months

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ok no one ASKED me but i don't give a shit, i'm doing that character ask meme for my fanfic version of durge and you can't! stop me!

🌸 - would they like getting flowers from their partner?

Yes. Very much. Any kind of present. Both in a "I crave love" and an "I crave adulation" kind of way. She likes trinkets. She collects trophies.

💉 - do they have any allergies?

Let's say no. Unless it ever becomes funny for the answer to be yes.

🔺 - are they the type of person to have a favorite shape?

Not shape. She likes symmetry and patterns and things tho. Decorative blood, that kind of thing.

🍜 - what kind of flavors do they prefer? strong or mild? spicy or not?

She's more of a "food is fuel" type. But uh. As Durge, she's eaten some Sketchy Shit. So currently, as amnesia Durge, uh, let's say that eating meat that's too rare might be a bit of a memory trigger for her. Not to say she dislikes it, but. She hasn't really had sweets since she was a kid. She'd probably like them. She likes strong flavors, and drinks black coffee for the taste, not the caffeine.

🛌 - do they have a morning routine? what is it?

Wake up. Look around for signs of violence and accidental murder. Exhale. Dress in yesterday's clothes and forget to brush her hair. Skip breakfast. Try to help Gale cook and fail miserably at it.

💤 - are they a light or heavy sleeper?

Very light, UNLESS having a Durge Episode. It's more that she sleeps very badly most of the time. When she was a cult leader, she slept like a baby.

😨 - what are they afraid of?

Losing control. It's less about what happens when she blacks out and more about the loss of control itself: murder is fine, but she wants to know she is doing the murder. She has total amnesia and very little sense of self; losing what "self" she has left is terrifying, and lack of awareness/control is a big part of that.

Unfortunately, she is The Dark Urge.

☕ - do they prefer hot drinks or cold drinks?

Scalding hot.

😷 - do they get cranky when they get sick?

Extremely. Cranky and angry at anyone who dares suggest she's sick. Or weak. Or anything less than fully in control. Not in a cute "fine, you can take care of me now" way, she's gonna lock herself in a room and not come out until she's healthy again and you'd better not bother her. The CHILD OF BHAAL does not GET SICK.

🤫 - what’s the silliest secret they have?

She is mono-lingual. It's goddamn DND where everyone gets two languages by default, and she's only got Common. Has no idea. She's a drow and has no clue what the Underdark is.

Also, she kind of admires Orin. That's both silly and embarrassing.

😆 - what kind of laugh do they have?

[sensible chuckle magazine.] She suppresses her laughter. Doesn't mean she doesn't do it, she just laughs silently. You might get a quiet "hmm hmm" out of her.

Overall she comes across as maybe more serious than she is. She just kind of has resting :| face.

💞 - what’s their love language?

Physical acts, protection. Speaking her feelings is very hard! It is to be avoided! Protecting and murdering for her loved ones is much easier! As are awkward hugs.

🤵 - what’s their definition of “dressing nice”?

Pre Amnesia Durge: She wasn't nearly as dramatic as Orin, but she did have some taste for murder theatrics. A big fan of the "blood-stained white dress" vibe. Sometimes she liked to dress up as a noble, hide her lower-class accent, play up the "scary stoic drow lady" thing. The contrast between her outward calm and murders is a fun one. She enjoys that she can strike as much fear as a Proper Young Woman as her brother/uncle/cousin Sarevok can with his whole demon schtick.

Tav: She's wearing clean clothes!! No. Despite her lack of belongings, she still has a bit of a taste for looking nice. She likes jewels. Garnets and rubies. Picking jewelry off the dead.

👠 - can they walk in heels?

Low heels, but stilettos just are not convenient as a murder cult leader. :(

#my fanfic headcanons

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terresdebrume · 7 months

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It's half past nine and I'm lying in bad thinking about work x)

Specifically, the class I'm homeroom teacher for has apparently been difficult to handle for the PE teacher, because of how they act. He gave them papers asking them what he can do to make them more engaged (almost unanimous answer: let us play games we decide on) what he should stop doing for the class to run better (majority answer: stop the beep test) and if they have any other suggestions (majority answer: nah)

And there are two comments that stood out to me and I want to chew on before I discuss this issue with my class at the beginning of term 2.

The first one was something along the lines of "stop letting disrespectful students talk over him". I admit that, even though I worry about being too strict sometimes, I do believe it's important to have clear limits and hard lines as a teacher. You can express them kindly, and it's important to try and warn students in advance (or failing that, to be forgiving the first time they cross a limit) but I do believe that it's important to make it clear that when you say a hard no to something, you will stick to your rules and are not afraid to dole out consequences when they are broken.

One of my hard lines is that we have to talk to each other respectfully. I try my best to listen to my students and let them finish out their thoughts when they share them, and I expect them to at least listen to instructions before they protest or try to negotiate. If a student were trying to talk over me, I would be very quick to tell them to cut it out. Reading a this comment made be feel angry on behalf of the PE teacher but also frustrated at him.

Frustrated because I feel like several of our colleagues are accepting things that they shouldn't accept, and then complain when the kids don't automatically behave properly. I feel like this is a failure to educate on their part, which is unfair to my colleagues because most of them are just doing their best and trying not to be authoritarian-type teachers. (Also because it seems like international schools often have a culture of not saying anything to the student for fear of upsetting the parents). At the same time, it also makes me feel like colleagues are passing their responsibility (dealing with discipline in their classes) onto me, which is probably actually too dismissive because it kind of assumes they haven't tried hard enough before asking for my help. Which, you know, might be the case sometimes but not the majority of the time I think, let alone all the time.

But reading this comment also made me feel angry at my students in general, because a comment like this means that they are behaving in ways they should know better than to use. Not because I think they should just say yes sir and obey but because I know they are capable of not interrupting a teacher and I know they're capable of showing more respect. I know, because they do it with me. And so, I'm angry at them because I'm disappointed that it sounds like they are not showing other teachers the same respect. That they somehow feel like it's okay to just talk over a teacher (whether they're talking back or just ignoring them in favor of their conversations). Though it's not even about it being a teacher, really, it's just that when someone talks to you you have to at least listen long enough to see whether they're spewing bullshit before you dismiss them (and even then I'm personally in favor of avoiding that, but ymmv). I guess I expect them to be more considerate in general and it frustrates and angers me when they aren't, even though part of it is really just that they're 13 and don't necessarily realize their behavior can be hurtful even to an adult.

(and yes, all of this is colored by my personal feelings)

The second comment that made me angry was a kid saying (roughly) "stop giving us papers like this because anything I say here can be said from my mouth". I think that one is partially die to an initial assumption that this comment was made with a hostile mindset, when it could actually just be someone genuinely not seeing the point of using paper instead of talking.

But it made me feel defensive on behalf of my colleague, because I thought "well maybe he wouldn't need the papers if you'd talk to him" which I'm glad I caught before I talked to the class because I don't think it's a helpful mindset. All the same, I do want to tell them to consider that maybe the PE teacher was trying to make them comfortable, in case he was somehow the issue, and not just because wasting paper is fun. I also want them to consider the fact that, when I tried to make class councils happen in term one, most of them were silent and didn't seem like they wanted to participate... which, obviously, is my perception and can be wrong, but hopefully if I can get them to see that from the teachers' point of view we might be able to unblock some things.

Other things I want to address: the comments that asked for the PE teacher to stop making them do sport (LOL, but more in a sarcastic way, lbh) and a) why they think it's a legitimate thing to ask as well as b) why it's not going to happen. And finally: the difficulties their PE teacher is facing due to the circumstances (facilities, general climate, the fact he's outside all day, etc.)

ETA: Also one of the kids commented about having to exercise until they felt sick so we're going to talk about timetable/logistical constraints for PE class placement (aka: why they sometimes have PE right after lunch) and also about listening to your body and how to convey 'i tried but I'm sick' rather than 'this blows and I'm trying to get out of it because I'm pissed' x)

#Matt has a life #Shit from work

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the-void-and-the-mirror · 1 year

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A Bit of a Growth Period

So I work for an after-school program, where we do activities with kids to help them grow and have fun. And I'm still pretty green. This is only my second month in. I was asked to pick a country in the Americas and create three activities in accordance with it. Already I was nervous. I rely a lot on examples and things to learn processes, because I want to make sure I understand the assignment and not mess anything up. But by the time it was crunch time, I had forgotten to ask for one. So I had to do some research, and since my boyfriend used to be a teacher, he helped me out. In the end, most of the ideas were my own, with some of his sprinkled in. And my boss said the ideas were great, and only needing a few tweaks.

We had our first meeting of the year yesterday. And during it, we had to pick two more countries in relevant areas of the map. I got some really easy countries, honestly. And one I was passionate about since the beginning. But I also got the misfortune of having to do two weeks back-to-back. After my first country at the end of the month, I'll have to do my second country the very next week. And I'm honestly shaking a little.

It's very easy for me to feel overwhelmed. I'm so used to going a snail's pace and barely doing anything to just get by. I'm also not used to being valued for my ideas. And having to step up and that people appreciate my ideas, it feels like a whole different shift in gears. I'm afraid of failing; whether that be failing my expectations, their expectations, or just failing my job completely. I want to freeze in place, and I know that's not what I can do if I want to keep my job. I also don't feel like the things I'm experiencing are bad things. They aren't expecting too much of me, and they're all very supportive and helpful. So even if I feel overwhelmed, I'm not going to drown in it.

Another thing that's important about this is how much it aligns with my dream, what kind of person I want to be and the job I want to run when I open my own business. The ideas are almost exactly the same - I'd be creating enrichment projects and classes for others. So, if I want that to come true, this is the perfect place to learn it, and become confident in my ideas. It's very important to me. And knowing that helps a little. But I'm still here, afraid at failing. Even if I can't know if I'll fail until I try. And this is a safe environment to mess up those kinds of ideas in. Because I'd get feedback, and another solution could be easily sought out. Talking about ideas and suggestions. I know it's going to be okay.

So, even though I'm afraid that my ideas are going to be nothing but failures, I'm not alone. And it's important to realise I have people in my corner, both at work and at home. I have so many wonderful supports. And even though I'm afraid, I want to try. I just have to refuse to let myself get paralysed by my fears. And if I can do that much, and just reach out when I need help, Everything will be good, and hopefully even better than that.

I guess what I'm trying to say here is that, despite knowing I'm supported 100% in all areas, and I get to do things that are meaningful to me, and that this all leads exactly down the road I want, I'm still so very scared. And for anyone who might feel that fear, for whatever reason, it's okay to feel that. I know it's scary when you have to change things and trust in things outside of yourself to be okay. But if you can push yourself a little, make sure that everything here is what you want, or what you can use from it will be valuable towards what you want, and dare to keep growing with it. I'm sure the end result will be beautiful. And I want to push forward to that beauty. I want to see the life I've wanted continue to grow and come into being.

I hope you dare yourself to follow your heart, even if you're worried that you have no idea what you're doing. Because even not knowing what you're doing is a great place to start. It's a great place to learn more about who you are, what you want, and the steps to make that happen. I'm cheering you on. The things you do and love, they truly matter. I hope your dreams come true someday, too. And when you can look back at how far you've come, know that your journey has been worth it, and that you look at your path with pride.

Have a wonderful day, everyone.

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tiredjournstud · 2 years

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Stolen Dream

Ever since I was young, I really dreamt about being a college student, I always read pocket books and watch drama related to college students or university students. I really admire the concept of being able to travel alone going to your dream school, meeting new people and being able to pursue the course that I really wanted.

At the age of 13, I was grade 8 that time, I always ask my sister who is currently a sophomore psychology student that time. She told me that her dream school is University of the Philippines and Polytechnic University of the P, but she finished her study and got her diploma at University of Caloocan City for the reason that it is the nearest school here in Caloocan where we are currently residing.

So growing up, Like her, I really dreamt about going to the prestigious university like PUP and meet new people. So i did enough preparations in order for me to passed and study in PUP. At first I thought the examination would be difficult and I would probably fail. But even though I have second thoughts and I'm scared on what might happen, I remain focus on my goal and told myself that even if I fail at least I tried. And when the result came, I was shocked, I cried for about 30 minutes and thanked God for his guidance.

At that time, I'm so excited to finally start my college in my dream school but unfortunately I am not able to pursue my dream course which is Psychology. I asked God several times to put me in the course where he wanted me to take. And then suddenly I have the chance to take Journalism. I know it wasn't in my option, I never imagine myself taking communication courses since I am an introvert and barely talk to other people. But I kept in my mind that at least I'm in PUP, my dream University.

However, the biggest plot twist in our lives came. The government advice the public to stay at home due to the threat of getting infected by the Covid-19 virus.

We are unable to go to school, meet other people in person and to study, get stressed and bond with my classmates in the mode or set-up that we used to know which is the physical set-up.

Being a college student during this pandemic is really tough. We are forced to study because we are afraid of getting late from our batch. Only few of us are capable of using desktop because most of students are not fortunate enough to buy new gadgets which can be used during online classes. What makes it way more difficult is the environment of the professors and students, most of us were surrounded with people so we are distracted by the noise that our surrounding have made.

During these days, the number of students who has been mentally ill arise for about 90 percent. Most of them stated different reason like family and financial problems. Hence, being able to finish college during this pandemic is quite difficult.

I personally have experienced having anxiety. It's very difficult for me to do school related stuff and work in order to provide the needs of my family at the same time. I tried to stop my study for awhile and study since we are currently in online mode of set-up but luckily I have friends and family who pushes me to finish what I've started. They told me that God put me here for a reason and He will help me to finish it.

Even though pandemic steal the most precious part of my dream which is to become a normal college student, meet new friends in person, I am still grateful because at least in the past two years of studying here in my dream school, I can say that finishing this course is possible with the help of my friends, family and most especially God.

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cerezastrap · 4 years

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my life is terrible and it's once again falling apart, so i hope everyone that reads this is doing well!!

#i have less than a month to re-learn every single piece of the material #aka the material i have not touched since june #and i'm very afraid i might fail two of my classes #i know that if i fail i get to retake the exam in december but it would be amazing if i didn't have to retake any of the exams #how tf am i going to go into architecture if i can't even take a math exam without having a crisis huh #i also need to keep my sleep schedule decent but every day i wake up later and i'm too tired to actually wake up early wtf do i DO #i am trying my best :(#also sorry for my absence

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mackenzielovee · 3 years

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my girl (part 4) - rafe cameron

a/n: SURPRISE! I wrote a part 4 ;) i had this idea right after i said i was only doing 3 parts - but this really is the final one! I really hope ya'll enjoy. It's a little shorter than the rest! (not my gif)

Summary: Nope sorry you have to read!

Warnings: swearing, mentions of sex, kissing, and test anxiety

Word Count: 4.4k

series masterlist

my writing

Your phone buzzing on your nightstand distracts you get again from cramming for your Chemistry final. The exam happens in two days, yet you feel like it might as well be in two hours with the amount of anxiety you have. It's your second year of college, and boy, it hasn't gotten any easier. Thankfully, your roommate is out for the night so you have your entire dorm to yourself to study.

You lean over and check your phone. Another missed call from your fiancee, Rafe. Beside your phone on your nightstand sits your engagement ring. You stare at it for a moment and swallow your feelings, then move back over to your chemistry textbook. Your phone buzzes again - a voicemail from Rafe this time, which you don't bother to listen to.

Chemistry is your focus tonight. Chemistry is what you need to be studying for, what you need to know inside and out. You throw yourself back into it, shutting off your phone when it buzzes yet again. You need absolutely zero distractions.

About twenty minutes into it, you hear a loud knock on the door. You sigh, figuring your roommate forgot her ID or keys again. You pull open the door and sigh, fully shocked when you find Rafe standing at your door. He's out of breath from running inside from the parking lot, and he looks pissed off.

"Oh, good, you're alive," he snaps, pushing his way into your room before you can even invite him.

"What are you doing here?" you ask him, closing the door so none of your nosy neighbors can listen to yet another argument between the two of you.

Things haven't been good. You're sick of him calling and texting you all the time, him begging you to come home, and constantly asking who you're with when you go out. On top of all of that, your classes this semester are harder than they've ever been, but Rafe never respects when you say you need space and time to study.

"Checking to see if my fucking fiancee is breathing!" he shouts, throwing his hands up in the air, "I mean, shit, Y/N, I called you, like, twenty times."

You glance over to the nightstand at your phone, realizing your ring was over there, too. You know he won't like that.

"I shut my phone off. I really need to study, Rafe," you tell him, but he's not listening.

Instead, he collapses onto your bed and puts his head in his hands, sitting directly on your Chem textbook and notes.

"Oh, my God, what the hell? Get up," you snap at him, walking over and pushing him off so he doesn't ruin your notes or textbook pages.

"It's fucking fine," he replies as he stands, barely glancing at your papers.

"No, it's not. I need this shit to pass my exam-" you hold the wrinkled papers up.

"They're literally fine, Y/N," his voice raises, "Stop being so dramatic."

You take a deep breath before you speak again, knowing whatever comes out will not be very nice. You've really been trying to be patient with him, but it's getting harder and harder.

"I'm not being dramatic, Rafe," you say calmly, "I just really need to study and I need peace and quiet."

He sighs and rubs the back of his neck as he debates what to say next. Neither of you want to start a fight, but you both have a lot of shit to say. His eye catches the shiny object on the nightstand and he looks over, figuring out it's your engagement ring.

"What the fuck?" he gasps, picking it up and holding it out to you, "Since when do you take this off?"

You put your hands on your forehead and sigh, realizing this is going to take up a lot of time that you don't have. And the fact that Rafe drove eight hours on a whim because you didn't pick up his calls all day has made you crazy.

"I cannot do this with you right now," you tell him, stepping toward your Chemistry stuff.

You'll just have to go to the library and study if he's going to be here. There's no way you can get any of your shit done with him bitching about your ring.

"Oh, my bad, when can you do it, then?" he rolls his eyes, "Huh? Can you give me, like, a window of time where you're actually available to talk?"

"Rafe-" you start, but he holds his hand up.

"No, because, I mean, I don't hear from you all day, and I'm fucking worried about you, so I make the long ass drive to come check on my soon-to-be wife, and now I'm the bad guy? Yeah, no, I get it now!" he exclaims.

"Jesus, okay, I have to go," you say, grabbing your backpack from the floor and sliding some slippers on.

"Right, to study," he grumbles.

"Yeah, to study," you snap back, "Just because you didn't go to school doesn't mean you can't at least try to understand!"

You rarely raise your voice at him, so Rafe knows you're mad. He stares at you for a second, deciding if he should acknowledge your comment about him not attending school.

"It's not about whether or not I understand, it's about time management," he lectures, making you roll your eyes, "Don't roll your fucking eyes at me."

"Don't show up at my dorm unannounced!" you yell back.

"I wouldn't have been unannounced if you would answer your goddamn phone!"

You take a deep breath and exhale loudly, then step closer to the door. Rafe walks over to you and grabs your arm, spinning you around. You stare up at him like he's crazy, he's never laid a hand on you like that before.

"Put your ring back on," he demands, holding it out in his hand.

"What the fuck is your problem, Rafe? You think I'm gonna get hit on walking to the damn library? Get a grip," you mutter, trying to yank your arm from his grasp but failing.

"I'm not playing," he tells you, holding the ring up in his other hand.

"Neither am I," you snap, "Let go of me."

He stares at you for another few seconds and then releases you, groaning loudly when he does. He steps away from you and runs his hand through his hair, then sets your ring back down on the nightstand.

"What's going on with us?" he grumbles, sitting down on your bed again.

You start to feel bad as you look at him, so you step closer and set your books down on you desk. You open your mouth to speak, to apologize and return your ring to your finger, when he speaks out again.

"Why didn't you answer the fucking phone when I called?"

You close your mouth quickly, swallowing the words you were about to say. You stare at him for a moment, then you decide that it's just best to tell him the absolute, stone cold truth.

"Because I have shit going on, Rafe. I have a Chem final in two days and I'm not at all prepared, I have other finals and an entire paper due by the end of the week, and I have you up my ass about everything in between and it's just a little overwhelming right now."

He brings his head out of his hands and looks up at you. His expression changes from hurt to angry in about one second, so you brace yourself.

"So what do you want me to do to help you, then?" he asks, his voice agitated. You can tell he's trying to be patient, but he really wants to yell.

"I just need you to give me some space right now," you state.

He nods his head, moving his eyes away from yours and down to the floor.

"Space," he repeats, "You want space."

You nod your head slowly, afraid now to speak. You can't tell what his reaction is about to be, but obviously it isn't going to be a good one.

"So, you ignore my phone calls," he holds up one finger, "You take off your engagement ring," another finger, "And now you want space. Do you think I'm a fucking moron?"

He stands up off the bed, now towering over you. Your hands come up to your face, rubbing your eyes to try and relieve some form of stress.

"God, Rafe, you're making this out to be something it's not-"

"Am I?" he shouts, "Do you want to marry me or not? I mean, I really think that's what this boils down to. Am I what you want, or not?"

His yelling combined with your stress and confusion makes you yell back at him.

"I don't know!"

He steps back, almost like you've hurt him, and stares at you with a look you've never seen before. It's anger, betrayal, confusion, and sadness all rolled into one, heartbroken expression. It makes your stomach turn thinking about the fact that you're hurting him.

"Well, there it is," he says, his voice cracking, "I'll just get out of your way, then."

He leans down and grabs the ring from your nightstand, wrapping his large hand around it and then stepping toward the door.

"Rafe, wait," you say, "Where are you going to go? You can't drive home in the dark."

He doesn't turn around, he can't look at you. Not when you're not sure what you want.

"I'll sleep in the truck," he says, his voice weak and quiet.

"No," you protest, "Rafe, I'm sorry."

He stands there for a few seconds, then turns, and you see the tears in his eyes. One has fallen, and rests on the bottom of his cheek. He wipes it away, but not quick enough.

"Why are you sorry? I'm not what you want anymore," he laughs, but nothing is funny.

Another tear falls and you step forward quickly, reaching up to wipe it away. He closes his eyes under your touch, always loving feeling your skin on his.

"I didn't say that," you say gently, tears welling in your eyes from seeing him like this.

"Just..." he trails off, finally opening his red eyes, "Go ace your Chem final. I'll see you at home in a few days."

He reaches up and grabs your hand, removing it from his cheek. He lays a quick kiss on your knuckles, then closes his eyes again when he lets go of you. Not sure if it's his last time feeling you.

He turns to leave, opening the door up before he turns back to you.

"I love you. I always will."

He doesn't wait for your response, he just closes the door behind him. You turn and look at the nightstand where your ring once sat, wishing to God that it was still there. You want to tun after him, but you know you can't. You two just need some cooling off time, you tell yourself. You'll come back again atfer finals when you get home for Christmas break. He'll hold onto your ring for you, you convince yourself of that.

You can't focus. The next day, you spend all your time in the library, staring at a page in your Chem textbook, and all you can focus on is your empty finger. No pretty ring that reflects every ounce of Rafe's love for you. You check your phone, but all you see is an empty screen. Your wallpaper is a cheesy picture of Rafe holding a wine glass. You took it on your anniversary last year and love everything about it, especially his cheesy grin.

Tears start to form in your eyes, so you do what you have to do. You call him. It rings and rings and rings, then you hear his familiar, raspy voice on his voicemail.

Yo, it's Rafe. Leave a message and I might hit you back.

You close your eyes, those two sentences being the most you've heard from him in almost twenty-four hours.

"Hey," you start your message, "Look, I'm sorry about last night. I really want to talk. Please call me back. Love you, bye."

You sigh and hang up the phone, then look down to your book again. You try and try to focus, but you can't. It just is impossible with everything spinning around your brain. You can still see the look on his face when you said you weren't sure, you can still hear him say 'I love you' right before he left.

And it's all you want to hear again.

You slam your book shut and grab your stuff, then make your way out of the library. Once you get outside, you call Rafe again. You hear the same ringing and the same message from his voicemail, so you leave another.

"Baby, please call me. I'm worried about you. I just want us to talk. Please call. I love you."

You hang up and walk back to your dorm, checking every five seconds to see if he's called you back. You really just want to hear his voice, to apologize, and to be able to focus on Chemistry again. Knowing that Rafe is out there hurting is just too distracting.

You call hm again after you get back to your dorm, giving him about thirty minutes to call back before you try him again. When he doesn't answer, you leave another message.

"Hey," you say, your voice sounding more desperate, "I'm going to call Dad and have him come get me. I'm skipping out on my Chem final. I just want to come home and work things out with you. Call me, please. Love you."

And you mean every word. You sit down on your bed and you remember how Rafe had helped you move in on your first day of freshman year. You remember how he made love to you and how he proposed to you in the parking lot before he left. And you remember all the times he came to visit and you two laid in bed and planned out your whole wedding reception together, laughing and joking about who to invite and who to sit together.

As you sit there and remember it all, remember the kisses and the laughs and the feelings you have when you're with him, you've never been more sure in your life. It's Rafe. It will always be Rafe.

You hear a knock on your dorm room door and hop out of bed, rushing over to it. It's him, you hope. Coming to rescue you, coming to hold you, coming to give you your ring back. You pull open the door with a big smile, only to find your roommate, Alex, standing on the other side.

"Hey," she says, looking confused at why you opened the door like that, "Sorry. I forgot my keys."

You drop your shoulders and nod, moving her out of the way. She leaves the door open as she moves over to her side of the room to search for them. You sit back down on your bed, checking your phone once again. He has to call back eventually.

"You're not ditching your Chemistry final."

You look up and see him, standing in the doorway, staring at you. His eyes are tired, his hair is a mess, and he looks like he's hung over. You don't even want to know where the hell he's been for the past day.

"Rafe," you breathe, hopping up from your bed.

You want to throw your arms around him, hug him, and have you hold him. He stops you when you get close to him, holding out his hand to keep distance between the two of you, which practically breaks your heart in two.

"You're not coming home until you take that test," he repeats, "You've been studying for it and if you don't take it, you fail. So, you're staying. I called your dad."

You frown. This is not how you imagined it. He seems colder somehow.

"Okay," you say, "Fine. But I want us to talk."

Rafe shakes his head, leaning against the doorframe. Alex walks up behind you, whispering she will be back later, and leaves with a quick smile to Rafe.

"I'm giving you your space so you can focus. We'll work on us when you're done with the semester."

He sounds firm, but you know you can win this one. You step forward, so close that he can almost feel your skin on his. Your scent fills the air, and you watch as he swallows his feelings.

"Rafe," you say, your voice soft, "I can't focus on anything knowing that I hurt you. I need to talk about us and figure things out. Please."

"Baby," he sighs, and you know you've won just by the return of your nickname. It's your favorite, which is why he calls you it so often.

"Please," you say, taking his hand. Your fingers wrap through his, pulling him inside.

He groans but enters anyway, both of you knowing that he would do anything for you. The door closes behind him, which you're thankful for. You sit him down on your bed and instantly crawl onto his lap, not caring if that's what he wants or not. That's what you need. Your head buries into his chest and your arms wrap around his neck.

"Baby," he says again, this time with more authority.

You bring your lips up to his neck to soften him up, listening to the small moans that come out of his mouth as you work.

"Rafe," you say against his skin, "I'm so sorry for what I said yesterday."

He hums, so you give him a few more kisses on his neck before you pull back to look at him. He stares at you with soft eyes, and you know you've already won him over. But you still need to say what you need to say.

"Truly, baby. I was wrong. I was angry. You are all I want in this world and I couldn't handle any of this without you. I was acting extremely ungrateful and I'm really, really sorry," you continue, watching him smile sadly at you.

"Well," he smirks, moving his hands from your back down to your butt, "I've always known you're a brat, so."

"Hey," you pretend to pout, but really, you just want a kiss. He gives you a slow, gentle one, one that makes you want to melt into him.

"You are the love of my life," he says, "You could never say anything to make me walk. And I'm sorry for being such a dick yesterday and for not respecting your school. I'm gonna get better. This shit is just hard for me, having you all the way here. I just miss you when I'm home."

You nod, reaching up and brushing his hair away from his eyes with your fingers. Even when he hasn't showered, is in the same clothes as yesterday, hasn't styled his hair or even slept well, he still is the most handsome to you.

"I understand. I'm sorry for being so hard on you," you say, kissing him on the cheek.

He smiles against your lips, bringing his hands up to your face to move you down to his lips.

"Are we okay?" he asks you in between kisses.

You hum against his lips, and he takes that as a yes, so he flips you over and lays down on top of you, kissing you like his life depends on it. He quickly moves down to your neck, his hands going underneath your shirt.

"Oh, my God, I missed you, baby," he tells you as you feel him leaving a hickey on your neck.

"Always marking me up," you laugh at him, feeling him smirk against you, "I missed you, too."

"It killed me not calling you back," he continues against your neck, "But I wanted to do right by you, you know?"

You gasp when he bites you slightly, then laugh when you feel his big grin on your neck.

"That's why I love you the way I do," you say sweetly.

He sits up and looks down at you, smirking widely, "Can you love me like you do right now and then get back to your studying?"

You bite your lip and nod, pulling him back down on top of you.

A little while later, you and Rafe lay naked in your bed, just breathing in the other. Rafe is drawing hearts into the skin on your stomach, leaving little kisses every so often on any inch of skin he could reach with his mouth.

"You need to get back to studying," he says, but doesn't stop with his kisses.

"Can I have my ring back first?"

He looks up at you with wide eyes, wondering if you really mean it. He didn't want to bring up the ring, just in case you had changed your mind about the engagement.

"You sure?" he asks quietly.

You grab his chin and pull him up to you, stroking his hair as you give him a couple quick kisses.

"I've never been more sure of anything," you tell him.

He nods and kisses you again, then hops off the bed and pulls the ring out of the zipped up pocket of his shorts. He grins at you and then jumps back in bed, of course landing on you when he does.

"This is a twin bed, you ogre. You can't be jumping and shit, there's not enough room for you!" you say as you try to free your left side from underneath him.

He moves and lets you get situated, then holds out the ring. You hold up your left hand for him ti put it on you once again.

"Will you marry me?" he asks, and you would've laughed at him if his voice wasn't so gentle and nervous.

"Of course I will, Rafe Cameron," you tell him, smiling.

He slides your ring back on your finger and you somehow feel more complete, more whole, knowing it's there.

"It's never coming off again," you tell him, meaning it.

He kisses you softly, "No, it's not."

Rafe takes a shower and then hangs out on your bed on his phone later on to keep himself occupied while you study for Chem at your desk. You ask him to quiz you and he does, even though he knows nothing about Chemistry.

It gets late, so you tell him you'll study the rest tomorrow and hope to be prepared the following day for the exam. You put your book and notes on your desk, then slide into bed with Rafe, who you made stay with you tonight. Although it didn't take much convincing.

"I can't believe your dad is just letting you take all this time off," you mumble against his chest.

"Hmm," Rafe hums, so you know you're wrong, "I've kinda been dodging his calls."

"He'll be mad," you tell him, and he nods.

"I don't care, though. I got what I came here for."

You spend all day the next day studying in the library for Chem and writing your paper, while Rafe packs your things for you. He figures it's one less thing for you to worry about, and then you can just come with him after you finish your exam. He had told you he wanted to be the one to bring you, his soon-to-be wife, home.

Rafe waits for you outside your building on exam day. One by one, students file out of the building, and he gets even more anxious every time you aren't one of them. Eventually, he stops pacing and sits down on a bench, praying that you do well.

He sees you emerge from the building with only ten minutes to spare, and jumps up to greet you.

"So?" he asks, his voice hopeful.

"I won't know for a few days," you tell him, "But I'm confident. I felt like I had most of it under control."

He smiles, taking your hand in his and kissing it, "I'm so proud of you, baby."

You smile and thank him, then put your head on his chest in hopes that he'll wrap his arms around you. With the amount of stress you've been under the past few days, all you want is just for him to hold you right now.

"I'm so proud of you," he repeats, swallowing you up in his arms.

You breathe in his scent and relax, knowing that even if you fail every class you ever take for the rest of your life, you will always have a place in the arms of this boy.

After a few minutes, you move to look up at him by resting your chin on his sternum, staring up at him. He smiles down at you, running a hand through your hair as an attempt to calm you down.

"Take me home, Rafe," you tell him quietly, and he nods.

He reaches down and takes your hand, leading you away from the building. You two go back and grab the remaining items you need to bring home, the rest Rafe already packed in the truck, and then go out to the parking lot to head home.

You feel relieved, ready to spend some quality time with Rafe and really make sure to work on things so that nothing ever gets bad between the two of you again.

He puts you into the truck and closes your door, then hops into the driver's side. He reaches over and takes your hand, staring at the ring on your finger and smiling softly.

"Let's just elope and get it over with," he looks up at you, already laughing because he knows you'll never agree.

"Yeah, I'm glad our wedding is something you just wanna get over with," you roll your eyes, but can't help your smile.

"You know what I mean," Rafe groans, "We don't need all the bullshit and the drama. I just need you. And a minister."

You laugh at him and nod, understanding what he means. He looks down at your hand in his, at the diamond on your finger, and so do you. You honestly can't remember why you took it off, you just know you never will again.

"A small wedding it is," you whisper.

He leans over and gives you a kiss. Then another. Then another. He pulls away and starts the truck, then looks back over a you.

"Baby, I'll do whatever you want."

That sentence combined with the cheesy smile he gives you afterward is what convinces you that, no matter what, Rafe will always be yours, and you will always be his.

Tags: @cmrxac

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hannahhook7744 · 2 years

Text

Unsteady;

Summary; The barrier has been taken down and the residents of the isle are settling down, getting jobs and houses, and going to school. Anthony and Dizzy are no different.. or so the residents of Auardon thought. Aka Auardon assumes some things, Dizzy avoids fairy godmother, and the two Tremaine cousins meet Anthony's dad and the charmings.

Requested by one of my favorite authors and followers, @dragoneyes618 , who I hope likes this chapter. @ginnyrules27 and @nocturna-from-the-island don't worry, your one shots should be out soon. And to my other readers, I'm still working on Operation Baby chapter 8 and on the ' A Wish fulfilled' story. Hope you enjoy @descendants-extended since I promised I'd tag you.

Trigger warning; fire, death, child abuse, child death, minor swearing, and the isle of the lost being awful.

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19 year old Anthony Francis Tremaine stood at the school gates of Auardon Prep on the first day of school, glaring at every teenager and parent that passed him. Beside him stood his 8 year old cousin, Drizella "Dizzy" Sophia Tremaine, who was clinging to him and staring up at her new school with a mix of shock, fear, and wonder, very hesitant to move any further. She knew that Anthony wouldn't be going with her, since he had already graduated last year and had to get to work, and while the idea of going alone hadn't bothered her before, it did now that she realized just how big and scary it was. Her little mind and heart just couldn't handle the idea-- especially since her mind wouldn't stop running through everything that could go wrong at school or at Anthony's work.

She had five minutes to get to class now. People were staring at them on their way in and out of the building. Some where whispering. That only made her more nervous. Anthony sighed, knowing that she wouldn't move on her own if he didn't intervene now. "Dizzy" The red head said, taking her hands in his own as he kneeled down in front of her. "Look at me" she did, although reluctantly. Anthony saw Bronze and Junior dropping Gil, Claire, and La Foux Doux off at the gate over Dizzy's shoulder-- they both looked very amused-- and gave them a warning look that clearly said 'not a fucking word' before turning his attention back to an oblivious Dizzy.

"I know this is scary and new, but you have to go okay? This isn't like the isle. People care if you don't go and we'll both get in trouble if you don't. I know that sucks and you don't want to go, but let me let you in on a secret" that got Dizzy's attention, as he knew it would. That kid loved hearing secrets and didn't get told them often since there weren't many secrets between them. "What?" She asked wide eyed and curious. Anthony glanced at his watch; four minutes to go. Might as well get this over with it. "I don't want you to go either and I'm just as scared as you are" The smaller redhead gasped in shock, looking at her in disbelief. "You're scared? But you're so big and strong and brave all the time!"

Anthony hide a snort 'if only she knew just how untrue that statement was'. He quickly shook that thought off and smiled at her "Well of course I'm scared, Diz. I don't know the schedule here and I can't just waltz into the school whenever I damn well please anymore. That's pretty scary for me, but I'm gonna let you go anyway, you know why?" Dizzy shook her head, tilting it to the side. A quirk that she had picked up from from her mother as a baby. Anthony's heart ached for a second before he continued, squeezing her hands a little tighter. "Becuase I know that I can pick you up at 3;50 and that Celia, Fox, Hadie, and the twins will keep you safe until I get here. So we both have nothing to be afraid"

Dizzy stared blankly at him for a few minutes, making him fear for a moment that his approach hadn't worked. But then she smiled and she did that little jig of hers that never failed to make him smile, and he knew that they were gonna be fine. "You're right " Dizzy hugged him, before running off "bye Anty! See you after school! Have a good day!" He winced slightly when she tripped on the stairs, thankful that Celia and Fox (La Foux Doux) were there to catch her. He didn't turn to leave until he saw for himself that the trio had made into the school. The LeGume twins didn't either..

"Going Soft, Tremaine?" One of the twins asked; He was too tired to even bother trying to tell them apart at the moment. He flipped them off as he passed them "Shut up, Gaston, or I'll bribe Harriet into giving you both bathroom and kitchen duty for a month"

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Dizzy sunk down in her chair in her homeroom , feeling her friends' sympathic eyes on her. Miraculously, she and her friends had all managed to get homeroom together and had all piled up at a table together in the back of the classroom to avoid getting stuck sitting with kids they didn't like in the future. Their homeroom teacher, Mr Fitzherbert, had said that they were gonna take it easy today so that they could all get to know one another.

Dizzy had been excited by the idea at first, until he decided to use family as an icebreaker. And now every kid was talking about their family, one by one, table by table, and she was getting sadder by the moment . She knew that it would be her turn soon and decided to be as vague as possible to avoid any awkwardness when it was. But until then, she would just stare at her hands and pretend that she was back home, at Tremaine Manor with her family. She could hear Fox talking about his dads and mom, and his cousins-- the LeGumes. She shrunk in on herself further, ignoring Celia's concerned whispers.

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Dizzy was different from the other kids of the isle in a lot of different ways but the most noticeable one (besides her kindness) was the fact that she had two parents who were completely loyal to one another and married. And that one of them actually cared about her!

The one who actually cared about her was her dad, Prince Hans, which most people found surprising. He and her mom had been arranged to marry by her grandmother, Lady Tremaine, and while neither were practically pleased by the marriage, they made it work and ended up having 7 children. Dizzy was the youngest and the most like her dad, which made her his favorite, though he didn't really treat her differently from her siblings like the other parents on the isle did with their kids.

Dizzy remembered asking why that was once, when she was really little. She still remembers the sad look he got in his eye when she asked that question and his response. "Becuase I never want any of you to feel the pain I felt due to my family's favoritism and neglect. I don't want any of you to become me". The implications of that statement still haunted her to this day. The fact that her uncles the Stabbington brothers got quiet with gulity expressions on their faces when the question was asked and answered only made the memory all the more haunting. Even if she was too young to understand what it all meant.

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"--And I have a sister. Her name is Freddie. She goes here" Celia's turn had come while she was zoned out and now it was hers. Dizzy could feel everyone's eyes on her and Celia squeezing her hand in an attempt to give her comfort. It didn't work. "How about you, Ms Tremaine. Tell us about your family " Mr Fitzherbert coaxed encouragingly, smiling at her. Dizzy fidgeted nervously, trying very hard not to avoid his eyes, knowing it would cause trouble.

"Oh, well, uh.. I live with my cousin Anthony and his girlfriend, Harriet Hook. We run our grandmother's salon on the isle and I had six sisters and 8 other cousins" Dizzy realized her mistake far too late as the room went dead silent. Had. Everyone knew what that meant. "Dizzy--" Mr Fitzherbert started, only to get cut off by the girl in question, who stood up. "Can I go the bathroom, please?" She fled before the man could answer. She didn't leave the bathroom until the bell rang for 2nd block.

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Later that night in the captain's quarters of the Queen's fury, Harriet plopped down beside Anthony on their bed. He was in one of his moods again, laying on his side-- back to her-- staring at picture in his hand. It was a picture of him and the rest of his family-- minus his dad who he was trying to track down-- back on the isle taken when they were bout 10. They were standing in front of Curl up & dye and Drizella was visibly pregnant with Dizzy in it. Everyone-- Even Lady Tremaine, Hans, Lady Caine, the stabbington brothers, and Drizella-- were smiling widely at the camera, as if they were a normal family who got happy often.

Harriet didn't have to turn him around to know that there were tears in his eyes. "Do you wanna talk about it, luv?" Anthony shook his head, not having the energy or desire to speak. Harriet left it at that, knowing better than to push him and sighed "I'll be up on deck if you need me". He didn't bother to glance back at her as her footsteps trailed away from him. He knew she'd still be there in the morning, she always was. All he did was stare at the only picture he had to remember his family by. It was way outdated but he still remembered the day it was taken.

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"Knock it off!" Anthony growled, trying to get his jacket back from Dizzy's two cousins, Iggy and Cormac, who were tossing it to one another over his head. His mom was too busy trying to round up all the other kids and adults to notice what was going on, let alone to put a stop to it. They were both a year older than him, which was enough to annoy him considering that he was the oldest grandchild of the Tremaines and use to being the boss, even though he had grown up with them. "Nah, I don't think we will" Cormac mused, grinning at his equally amused cousin and his cousins' very annoyed cousins. "Yeah, it's too fun to stop!" Anthony growled with frustration and tackled him. Iggy joined in.

3 hour later, after all of the family members and pets were gathered up and after their fight had been broken up, they were all lined up in front of the camera. Anthony was smiling at the camera purely for his mother's sake "It's for the baby, Anthony. Won't you please smile for me and your baby cousin so they know how loved they are?" How was he supposed to deny her that request? Especially when everyone was smiling and happy for once? His brother and mother were on one side and his sisters on the other, reminding him painfully of the fact that their father was not there with them and that the heroes of Auardon had sent them there and didn't even try to get them back. Only their dad and Aunt Cindy had. They weren't supposed to be there-- none of them where, but Beast had sent their mother there and didn't even think to make sure the spell that sent all the villians to the isle didn't take their children too. Anthony remembered hating him for it. He still did. Even if you couldn't tell by the way he was smiling in the picture.

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Word had spread around the school about what had happened on Dizzy's first day at school by Wednesday of that week. It had even made it's way up to the highschoolers and teachers somehow. It made it alot harder for Dizzy to ignore and forget the absence of her family, and for her to adjust to this new foreign world. Especially since Fairy Godmother kept trying to get ahold of her for a talk between classes, which Dizzy really didn't want to attend. It really shouldn't have been so hard to avoid the busy woman but she seemed to be everywhere and it was driving her crazy while simultaneously making her anxious as she was struck by memories of two other women who had seemed to be everywhere.

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Her mother was screaming and chucking beer bottles at her because she had caught her-- her most hated and youngest (3 year old) daughter playing instead of working. Her father was out helping his brothers (along with her aunts, cousins, and older sisters) look for her 4 year old cousin, Tega, who had been gone for hours. There was no one to protect her from her mother's wrath-- glass hit her ankles and it hurt, so she fell to the ground and cried. Her mother just walked off, unsympathetic to her plight. Her father cleaned her wounds when he got home and avoided leaving her alone with Drizella after that when he could.

Dizzy (now 5) hadn't finished cleaning the shop by the time her grandmother got home and the matriarch of the tremaine family was angry. She grabbed her by the arm and dragged her up stairs to the antic ,and tossed her end just like she did Cinderella-- before locking her in. Dizzy who be stuck in the bug infested, damp, cold, moldy, dark attic until her father came to pick her up that night at 9. Dizzy remembers him yelling and swearing at her grandmother from outside the door, and glass breaking but not much other than that. She wasn't allowed to be alone with her grandmother after that.

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Dizzy was stopped in the hall by Fairy Godmother's daughter, Jane, once. Dizzy almost screamed in frustration when it happened, only reframing from doing so because she was Evie's friend. "So.. about family day--" Jane started hesitantly, only to stop herself. She clearly wanted to ask about her family but didn't know how; Dizzy quickly answer her not-quite- question before she could figure it out. "My cousin and his girlfriend are coming. Ask Evie, she'll gladly tell you all about it" she said faking her usual cheerfulness as she skipped away. Jane didn't seem to notice and didn't try to follow her "oh.. okay"

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A week before family day, Dizzy was pulled into the nurse's office and asked to fill out everything she could about her medical history including relatives, her birthday, and past injuries. After she filled it out and went back to clas, the school nurse noticed the name she had filled out and called FG over to show it to her. Both were shocked to see Dizzy's full name and title that gave away more than they were ever prepared for;

'Princess Drizella Sophia Tremaine-Westergaard of the southern isles'

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"I can't believe we're princesses!" Dizzy squealed to her sisters one night when she was 3 while they were all getting ready for Bed. Anthony was working that night at Curl up & dye, so all of them were getting to sleep in their room together for once. Which meant that Dizzy was getting to see them all do their nightly rituals all at once for the very first time and boy, were they interesting to her.

Dotty was putting the few toys she had (that Han had given her) to bed, humming and rocking them each as she did so. Which Dizzy had already done to her own toys. The twins (Dixie and Delanie) were in expired face masks and braiding one another's hair on their bunk bed, talking about how gross boys were. Dorothy and Daphne were fighting over the bathroom-- hair pulling and all-- and Debbie was brushing her teeth, and spitting out the window to avoid that drama. All of them stopped what they were doing as soon as the words left Dizzy's mouth. It was silent for a few minutes before they all rolled their eyes in sync and began talking all at once--

"Oh no, she's gonna turn into another Anthony --"

"Don't you dare go around demanding people call you Lady Tremaine or Lady Westergaard or Princess whatever --"

"Who cares if we're princesses? None of us will ever get a chance to even look at a throne, let alone sit on one--"

"Oh god, that was embarrassing enough with one relative--"

"Tell me about it! My friends never let me live down that Anthony did that--"

"Don't let daddy hear you say that. He doesn't like being reminded about--"

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Family day was fast approaching and Anthony was slowly becoming more and more rattled about it. Harriet noticed. His boss noticed. His friends noticed. All of them did. So, they all decided to manipulate a situation where the 19 year old could spend some alone time with his younger cousin without school, work, or them interrupting it. Their plan wasn't very complicated-- it was actually very simple.

All they had to do was leave the ship, call in sick for Anthony and Dizzy, write a note explaining everything, and not wake either of them up in the process, and somehow, it went off without a hitch. Which lead straight into the current situation that Anthony was in. He and Dizzy were sitting in the living room of the Queen's Fury, watching a movie, when the 8 year old suddenly turned to him, looking serious. "Anthony? Can I ask you something?"

"You just did but carry on" the red head quipped without a second thought, earning him an unamused look from Dizzy. She wanted to ask him something important-- something about their family. He never really talked about their family to anyone, not even her, unless it was about his mother or if he was trying to find his father. And she needed him to take it seriously. "Okay okay, fine. You can ask me something, just stop giving me the evil eye. It's creepy " Anthony joked warily, sitting up all the way as he turned to look at her. His stomach sunk at how serious and determined she looked -- it reminded him of her father and it looked so wrong on her. He hated seeing that look on her face-- he was the older one, he was supposed to be serious and determined, not her. She was just a kid. He was the adult. God that felt so werid to say, even though he had been thinking it since -- Anthony stopped himself. Now was not the time to be thinking about that-- there was never a time to think about that.

Dizzy interrupted his thoughts with a shocking inquiry. "Do you ever miss them? Your siblings and mine?" Anthony's thoughts immediately came screeching to an halt as the whole world seemed to freeze. He had not been expecting that -- he and Dizzy never talked about their family before. They never spoke about how they felt about their family before either, which made him thoroughly unprepared for this question and the barrage of emotions and memories that suddenly assaulted him for the first time in 2 years.

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"Not. A. Word. Brat" Anthony said, seething slightly as he stared his 15 year old brother down from where he sat on the ground. Even with the faint light coming in from the window in their bedroom, Anthony could see Aaron shaking with silent laughter. It wasn't his fault that lucifer decided to bring his girl home so she could have kittens in his bed while he slept. Or that he was a heavy sleeper. Or that the kittens didn't seem to want to leave his side.

Aaron cracked and fell over laughing, causing a loud thud to ring out through the house. Anthony's stare turned into a full on glare, which wasn't as intimidating as it usually was because he was practically as red as his hair now. He sunk lower into his bed as he heard the thump. Thump. Thump. of approaching footsteps, knowing that this was about turn alot more embarrassing for him. "What's going on, what was that sound--" 12 year old, Amara's, words died on the tip of her tongue as she stared at the scene in front of her. It was silent for a moment as the Amara and Anthony stared at one another-- well, mostly silent; Aaron was still dying of laughter on the floor, after all. Still reveling in his older brother's misery; Anthony was gonna kill him.

He saw the corners of her lip twitch. "No" the red headed boy started, "Amara, don't you dare--" his younger sister gave him a wide grin, which revealed her sliver teeth. "I'm not kinding, pirate. This is NOT funny!" Aaron laughed harder, gasping for breath as their sister finally broke-- hugging her stomach and pointing at the oldest Tremaine as she laughed. Her brown eyes sparkled with unapologetic glee, causing Anthony to groan. "Dude, we're all pirates here. You can't use it as an insult" Aaron reminded, still amused. Amara decided to add in her own two cents. "Especially since you can't grow facial hair, unlike Aaron" Anthony flipped her off without thinking and snarled "Oh fuck you"

A gasp rang out from behind Amara, causing her to spin around-- revealing their 8 year old sister, Anya, who's green eyes were wide with shock and horror. The little blonde looked absolutely scandalized and none of them doubted that she had just witnessed what Anthony had said and done. All 3 of them went pale, knowing exactly what was about to happen. "Anya, no wait--" the oldest Tremaine sibling began, jumping out of bed-- ignoring the hissing and mews from the displeased kittens-- but it was too late. Anya took off down the hall, yelling "MOM, ANTHONY SAID THE FUCK WORD AND GAVE AMARA THE FINGER!" "NO, I DIDN'T! SHE'S LYING!" Anthony yelped, frantically chasing after his youngest sibling in an attempt to save his own skin. It did not work.

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Anthony swallowed heavily, wrapping his arm around Dizzy and pulling her close. He wasn't one for hugs but he decided that this was a kinda hug moment and figured that he could swallow his own pride just this once. Just to give the little girl comfort. Yeah, that was the reason. Not because he needed comfort. "Yeah. I do. " Memories of Lady Caine, The 3 Westergaard brothers, the Stabbington cousins, and his cousins (along with the pets from each family) flooded his mind, causing his eyes to water for the first time in forever. "Every day. I never stopped missing them, not even for a second. I doubt I'll ever get over it, to be honest but who cares if I don't?" It would be the first time that he ever admitted to it and if anyone dared to ask, he'd deny it ever happened. But it was just what he and Dizzy needed at the moment, even if niether would admit.

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Dizzy threw herself into doing hair and nails as family day kept approaching, trying to desperately forget about the dreaded event. She hadn't asked Anthony to come yet and he didn't ask if she wanted him to go. They both know that neither wanted to attend but that they'd go anyway because they probably didn't have a choice in the matter. Most of the kids in school-- regardless of gender and age-- went to her to get them done because she was just that good.

When she was asked how she got so good at doing hair and nails at her age, she'd always just give the asker a sad smile-- eyes looking haunted-- and say the exact same thing. "My cousin, Amara, taught me how to when I was younger " if someone asked for her cousin's contact information after that, she'd ignore them until they went away. Eventually, people got the hint and stopped asking, even if they didn't know why she refused to acknowledge their questions.

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Dizzy sat frozen at her desk in the science room as her teacher handed out the matches they would be using in their most recent experiment. She could hear Squeaky and Squirmy whispering to her, desperately trying to get her attention but she didn't react. She couldn't. She couldn't even breathe or think properly, nevermind try and form a coherent response to her two very worried friends. They had to light the matches in order to do the experiment. They had to light them. She couldn't breath.

Where was that screaming coming from?

And why could she smell smoke? They hadn't even started yet...

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There was so much smoke and she couldn't breath, even with the damp cloth over her mouth. Even though she was crawling on the floor. She could hear the fire sizzling and the panicked cries of the horses, and the screeching of the cats. But that wasn't all she could hear. She could hear the cracking and screeching of wood as the house became more and more unstable. She could hear agonized crying and screaming and hyperventilating, and she could smell brunt flesh.

She saw 2 lone kittens ahead of her near the door and moved forward, saving the only two lives she could before bolting from the house. Her father ran past her on her way out, shoving her towards a screaming Anthony who was being held back by Rick Ratcliffe , Sammy Smee, and Clay Clayton. She also saw two of her family's panicked foals neighing and trying to run from or into the blaze, only to be held back by more of Harriet's crew who were trying to stop the poor creatures from endangering themselves and others. A crack louder than the other ones rang out and for once, the isle was silent..

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Someone was shaking her. Dizzy blinked. Her world was muffled and her lungs burned for a few more seconds-- until suddenly she could breath again. Her vision cleared and she saw a worried looking Squeaky infront of her-- all eyes were on her. "Dizzy, it's okay. See? We lit it for you, it's okay. Nothing's gonna happen again"

Squirmy was on the other side of the table, holding the match far away from her. He looked just as uncomfortable as she felt. Dizzy took a shaky breath and nodded mutely, refusing to look at anyone. When the teacher asked if everything was alright, Dizzy just flatly told her "I'm fine". The tone and look in her eye made her seem much older, and it didn't fit her at all; The teacher reluctantly continued on with her lesson, and strangely enough, the class was silent for remainder of it. Too quiet.

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It was family day and Anthony was running late but Dizzy wasn't too bothered; he had called ahead to let her know he was, after all. So she wasn't too bothered. At least, that's what she would claim if anyone asked her. What she claimed when Evie asked if she was sure she didn't want her to wait with her.

Dizzy had simply waved her away, giving her a small bit of harmless sass as she usually did; she knew that Evie was itching to finally met Doug's family and didn't want to hold her up. So she told Evie that she was a big girl and could handle sitting alone for a few minutes so that she would leave, silently forcing herself to grin and bear it. She didn't want to be at this event and she especially didn't want to be at it alone, but she had no choice until Anthony got here. He was the only family she had from the isle and the only one in Auardon who even knew she existed other than Chad, who was still very awkward around her but was trying. Only he wasn't here today because he was sick and that meant that his parents-- who she had yet to meet-- hadn't come either because they were taking care of him. Was it petty to be jealous of a sick person?

Before Dizzy could even begin to contemplate the answer, someone sat down beside her, which startled her. She was sitting on by the pond and hadn't expected for anyone to even notice her, let alone join her. She turned to look at the person and froze, recognizing him immediately; it was her uncle Lars, who she had only seen in photos that had long since been destroyed in the fire. He didn't look much different from what she remembered; he had the signature Westergaard red hair, nose, and cheekbones as well as her dark brown eyes that were hidden behind similar glasses to hers. He was tall and awkward looking, but very handsome and pristine nonetheless-- especially with the royal get up he was wearing. Her heart panged as she registered just how much he looked and dressed like her dad-- and as she remembered something her father had told her once, when she had seen him on tv.

"That's your uncle Lars, he's the 3rd oldest and was the kindest to me. You're alot like him. I bet he'd like you"

Dizzy nearly snorted at the idea; He hadn't been kind enough to save her father -- or her siblings and her for that matter-- from the isle. "What do you want?" Usually she wouldn't be so rude but right now, she didn't care about manners or appearances. Not when she was sitting beside one of the men responsible for her father's spiral into villainy. One of the men who had allowed him to be abused and belittled and ignored for years on end. He may have been the only one to respond or even read her father and uncles' letters, but that didn't give him an automatic pass on his compliance in her father's abuse. If he wanted her to like him, he'd have to earn it-- just like Chad was earning it. Cinderella had at least tried to save her aunt and even her mother, after alll. Lars hadn't. And Dizzy wasn't about to let that go so easily-- even if her father had. He hadn't deserved what they had done to him -- to be labeled the villian without anyone even thinking to hear his side of the story or check him for curses.

If they had bothered, they would have found the curse the Trolls placed on him. They could have spoken up for her father, saying that he had never done something like this before. They could have had a doctor look at him. They could have saved him from the isle and the fire long before it was created. They could have feared him from the curse before the barrier did; if only they had bothered. But no one did because no one cared. And Dizzy hated each and every one of them for that-- they should have known something was wrong. But they didn't because they didn't know their baby brother at all. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry"

Dizzy was a bit taken aback by that. No one had apologized to her in Auardon before. "For what?" Her response was cold and automatic, like it was with Chad at first. Lars didn't even flinch, though his eyes did give away the pain he felt at how she was responding to him. 'Good' she thought a tad bitterly, 'he deserves that for his ignorance and compliance. He should have stopped his brothers from hurting Hans but he didn't and he should have known her father wouldn't have hurt someone of his own accord out of the blue like that, but he didn't. He deserves to feel all the pain her family felt because of him and his brothers and father'

Lars just gave her another sad look. "For not knowing you existed. For not helping to get you off the isle and for how I let my brothers treat your dad growing up. None of that is fair and I should.. I should have done something, and I'm sorry that I didn't but I want to get to know. I want a chance to make things right. Dizzy gave him a semi-unimpressed look, crossing her arms "you know a sorry won't fix everything right?" She had no idea just how much she looked like her father in that moment. Her uncle looked even more pained as he continued on softly "I know. I just want a chance to make things right and give you the life you deserve, if you'll let me that is"

Dizzy wanted to say no. She really did. She wants to be petty and rude and stomp on his heart and dreams like her mother would have. To scream that she'd never forgive him and that he and his whole family should burn like her father did for what they did to him. But she didn't. Instead, she did what her father would have wanted her to do. "Fine. I'll give you the chance, but don't expect me to start calling you uncle or anything " that earned her a smile from him, even as she rolled her eyes, stood up, and brushed the dirt off her skirt. Auardon adults were werid.

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Dizzy had been talking to her other uncles and their families-- not entirely willingly-- when she heard a familiar growl. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!" All heads turned towards the sound and Dizzy felt her heart stop as she spotted who the noise had come from -- Anthony. The sinking feeling in her stomach didn't get any better when she saw what-- who -- had caused his outburst.

It was Shan Shiro, the disgraced former carpertener of Harriet Hook's crew. The disgraced and banished son of Shan Yu and the one responsible for all-- most-- of her suffering. He and Anthony use to be friends, but after what happened all those years ago... No one talked to Shiro anymore. "Anthony, please, I'm sorry--" the disgraced warrior didn't even get to finish his sentence before Anthony was flying across the table at him. "GET OUT GET OUT! GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM HERE!" Dizzy winced and made a move to move forward, only to be halted by her uncle Caleb. God, she hated Caleb.

From where she was standing, she could see everything. Every punch Anthony threw, the fire in his eyes. The pure hate and murderous rage that was written across his face. The small blood splatters that came after each punch. She could see it all and it engraved it's self in her memory. She'd never forget that moment-- one of the few moments she had ever seen him lose his fool-- or how fearful his friends looked as they tried to pull Anthony away from Shiro as he screamed "I WILL NEVER FORIVE YOU! SORRY DOESN'T ERASE WHAT YOU DID, YOU MURDERER! I HATE YOU!" Rumors flew after that day. After all, it wasn't every day you saw an 19 year old punch out a 17 year old so brutally with no explanation. Some rumors were a bit too close to the truth for her liking but kids don't care-- school is kind to no one. Even little girls who did nothing wrong and young men who lost nearly everything they had.

It felt like the weight of the world was on her shoulders and it was crushing her. So, it was really no wonder why she had said yes to Chad's invite to stay at his castle for the spring holidays so she could meet his parents. Especially since Anthony said he was gonna drive up in a couple of days to meet him after he arranged some things back 'home'-- meaning work and school. Dizzy knew she wouldn't be seeing him for awhile as he did damage control; his boss had been at family day and wanted an explanation and Anthony didn't want her anywhere near home when he gave it. She only hoped it would go well...

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Dizzy tensed slightly when Cinderella hugged her when she stepped into the castle, but eventually relaxed into her warm embrace. Chad mouthed 'good luck, don't panic' as he exited the room with his dad behind him to give them some privacy. She couldn't help but roll her eyes at him. Cinderella, funnily enough, didn't seem to notice any of this "Dizzy, I am so so sorry that you had to grow up on that horrible island and that I wasn't there for you. We fought for you and your mother and aunt and your cousin the best we could but Beast was just so stubborn and wouldn't listen-- and I'm so sorry "

Dizzy awkwardly patted her aunt's back, trying to offer her some form of comfort. She hoped she wouldn't start crying-- Dizzy wasn't sure she'd be able to stop herself from joining in. "It's okay" it wasn't. She was only saying that it was because she didn't want her to feel bad when she had actually tried to help her. But her aunt didn't need to know that-- but she already did, judging by the way she was looking at her. "No, it isn't but enough about that. How are you? How has your life been so far?"

Surprisingly, Dizzy didn't shut down like she usually would have when she asked this question. Maybe it was because she was tired of pretending like she was okay or because of what happened at family day or maybe it was just because she couldn't stand to lie to her kind hearted aunt and give her false hope. "Honestly, it wasn't the best but it wasn't all bad. I didn't have to be around the evil grandmother or my bitter mom all that much. I spent most of my time with Auntie Anastasia, which was nice even if she was sad most of the time and my dad and uncles were pretty great by isle standards. Even my other aunt was cool, even though I wasn't her blood. And I had alot of fun with my cousins and sisters and the pets--"

Dizzy knew she was rambling and tearing up but didn't know how to stop. It was like a damn had burst, releasing a flood of pent up emotions from within her. She only stopped when Cinderella interrupted her "You have cousins other than Anthony? You have sisters?" The hair stylist flinched and corrected her automatically "had" the room got so silent that you could hear a pin drop. Which was werid considering that they were the only ones in the room, but Dizzy didn't have time to question it as understanding dawned on Cinderella's face. Her face softened and her eyes watered as she finally worked up the courage to ask what happened. "A fire at Tremaine manner killed them all about 2 yesrs ago.. It was Auntie Anastasia's birthday and the one day a year where we all gathered at Tremaine manner where we lived to celebrate it. After the party winded down and we all went to bed, Shiro Yu accidentally set our house on fire while playing with matches and, well, only a couple of us made it out. My dad carried Anthony out right as I got outside and when he was going back in, the house collapsed. We aren't sure what killed them first. The smoke, the fire, or the house collapsing" Dizzy's eyes watered and Cinderella hugged her once more-- only a little tighter this time. "I'm so sorry" her voice was quiet, but it wasn't pitying; it was sympathic. Dizzy could tell that she was feeling almost the same amount of pain she was in.

"It's okay" she replied just as quietly and half truthfully "my cousins and sisters were all happy with their lives at the time. The twins--Dixie and Delanie-- loved running the salon and did it most out of all us. They were happy. Dotty got to go out with the toys she loved so much and no one got to take them from her. Debbie went out with a fully belly for once and in her own bed like sleeping beauty as she would say. And Daphne went out with her headphones in, listening to her favorite music and probably didn't even notice the fire and Dorothy went out laughing with Cormac and Iggy" Dizzy buried her face in Cinderella's shoulder, urging herself to continue before she lost her nerve. "And Anya and Rex and Tega all went out together like they always were, so they probably weren't too scared so no harm no foul. And-and Darlina went out while surrounded by the animals she loved so much, and Aaron went out drunk and singing. So, it wasn't all bad. They didn't suffer that much in their final moments "

Cinderella didn't call her out on the fact she was lying, something Dizzy was grateful for. She really didn't want to be the one to have to go explain in elaborate detail what had happened to her family. How they might have actually suffered more than she or Anthony were willing to admit. She didn't want to and no one was gonna make her. She could tell that by how Cinderella didn't get angry with her for lying and how she just hugged her tight like her Aunt Anastasia would have done. And in that moment, Dizzy finally felt like things might turn out all right. Even if she and Anthony were still a little unsteady..

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