A Bit of a Growth Period
So I work for an after-school program, where we do activities with kids to help them grow and have fun. And I'm still pretty green. This is only my second month in. I was asked to pick a country in the Americas and create three activities in accordance with it. Already I was nervous. I rely a lot on examples and things to learn processes, because I want to make sure I understand the assignment and not mess anything up. But by the time it was crunch time, I had forgotten to ask for one. So I had to do some research, and since my boyfriend used to be a teacher, he helped me out. In the end, most of the ideas were my own, with some of his sprinkled in. And my boss said the ideas were great, and only needing a few tweaks.
We had our first meeting of the year yesterday. And during it, we had to pick two more countries in relevant areas of the map. I got some really easy countries, honestly. And one I was passionate about since the beginning. But I also got the misfortune of having to do two weeks back-to-back. After my first country at the end of the month, I'll have to do my second country the very next week. And I'm honestly shaking a little.
It's very easy for me to feel overwhelmed. I'm so used to going a snail's pace and barely doing anything to just get by. I'm also not used to being valued for my ideas. And having to step up and that people appreciate my ideas, it feels like a whole different shift in gears. I'm afraid of failing; whether that be failing my expectations, their expectations, or just failing my job completely. I want to freeze in place, and I know that's not what I can do if I want to keep my job. I also don't feel like the things I'm experiencing are bad things. They aren't expecting too much of me, and they're all very supportive and helpful. So even if I feel overwhelmed, I'm not going to drown in it.
Another thing that's important about this is how much it aligns with my dream, what kind of person I want to be and the job I want to run when I open my own business. The ideas are almost exactly the same - I'd be creating enrichment projects and classes for others. So, if I want that to come true, this is the perfect place to learn it, and become confident in my ideas. It's very important to me. And knowing that helps a little. But I'm still here, afraid at failing. Even if I can't know if I'll fail until I try. And this is a safe environment to mess up those kinds of ideas in. Because I'd get feedback, and another solution could be easily sought out. Talking about ideas and suggestions. I know it's going to be okay.
So, even though I'm afraid that my ideas are going to be nothing but failures, I'm not alone. And it's important to realise I have people in my corner, both at work and at home. I have so many wonderful supports. And even though I'm afraid, I want to try. I just have to refuse to let myself get paralysed by my fears. And if I can do that much, and just reach out when I need help, Everything will be good, and hopefully even better than that.
I guess what I'm trying to say here is that, despite knowing I'm supported 100% in all areas, and I get to do things that are meaningful to me, and that this all leads exactly down the road I want, I'm still so very scared. And for anyone who might feel that fear, for whatever reason, it's okay to feel that. I know it's scary when you have to change things and trust in things outside of yourself to be okay. But if you can push yourself a little, make sure that everything here is what you want, or what you can use from it will be valuable towards what you want, and dare to keep growing with it. I'm sure the end result will be beautiful. And I want to push forward to that beauty. I want to see the life I've wanted continue to grow and come into being.
I hope you dare yourself to follow your heart, even if you're worried that you have no idea what you're doing. Because even not knowing what you're doing is a great place to start. It's a great place to learn more about who you are, what you want, and the steps to make that happen. I'm cheering you on. The things you do and love, they truly matter. I hope your dreams come true someday, too. And when you can look back at how far you've come, know that your journey has been worth it, and that you look at your path with pride.
Have a wonderful day, everyone.
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I’ve said it before, but I could never be a YouTuber. All my titles would sound like clickbait while being totally factually accurate.
“Omg I almost DIED!!! (Again.)”
“My hell house is trying to kill us. (Again)”
“Allergic to my own hormones????”
“1 hour of Holly Mop napping.”
“The hell house is trying to kill us. (Again x2)”
People would click on them expecting the most dramatic shit and it’s just me vibing.
Which means you know if I’d ever title a video “confession: I need to be honest with you” it’s going to be fucking insane. Am I fleeing the country? Did a hellmouth actually open under my house? Am I actually 13 ferrets in a trench coat? You’ll find out.
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Nights Spent In; Azul Ashengrotto
Content; Fluff, gender-neutral reader, established relationship
Word Count; 700+
Author's Note; This is for one of my first mutuals @azulashengrottospiano! I hope you enjoy this, and some domestic Azul! [and I'm keeping a screenshot of your ask ^v^]
As a reminder, do not put my work — or others for that matter — into AI as it steals. Link to Masterlist
Safe to say your social battery was pretty much at zero. You had fun, yes, but all you wanted to do was stay at home in some ridiculously comfortable pyjamas, eat leftovers from lunch, cuddle a bit, and maybe look through the storage container labelled Games! :D since there could be some hidden gems in there. And right now you were cuddled up under a super chunky knit blanket, snug as a bug in a rug.
You were content just putting the leftovers from lunch in the microwave, but Azul had insisted that he made the both of you dinner. You didn’t mind, since you had a nice view of him working away in the kitchen, muttering the recipe of tonight’s dinner to himself. He was even wearing the frilly apron and kitschy oven mitts.
What a dork. I love him so much. You giggled to yourself, watching Azul go about the kitchen, off in his own little world.
Sighing, you got up — the blanket draped over your shoulders so you were still in your nice blanket burrito — and shuffled over to the Games! :D container, seeing if there was anything interesting that Azul wouldn’t just automatically win. You loved him, but if he made you go bankrupt again in this world’s version of Monopoly one more time you swore that you weren’t going to give him any kisses. You may love him, but he was not a humble winner.
So any strategy games were completely out the window, luck based games were more on your side… hopefully luck just decided to favour you tonight. At least you had a cute chef at the least.
Hmm? What’s this? Blowing off the dust you pulled out an old edition of Snakes and Ladders. It relied only on luck, so it was perfect!
“Hey, sweetie,” you called to the kitchen.
Azul was just placing your dinner in the oven, it would take about thirty minutes to bake, so he had time to spare… and for you? He could spare all the time in the world for you. “What is it, darling?”
You held up the game under your chin and gave him your biggest smile. “Wanna play?” You waggled eyebrows for some added flair, and it made Azul chuckle.
“Fine, one round, but I won’t go easy on you,” he said, sitting down at the coffee table. He eyed the game, and squinted his eyes at the dice. A luck-based game? Playing your cards right I see.
“You never do,” you shot him a wink and rolled the dice. You moved your piece forward, not hitting any ladders.
Azul rolled his eyes, but took his turn, overtaking you by two spaces, also not hitting any ladders. “Would you rather that I did?” He looked up at you through his lashes, a small smug smile on his face.
You hummed as you took your turn, getting a ladder and going up a row. “No, it’s more fun like this, plus you’re extra cute when you get fired up.”
Azul pushed up his glasses, trying to ignore the warmth that had seeped into his cheeks. “Flattery won’t help you, my dear, when I win.”
“We’ll see about that.~”
The rest of the game was spent in silence, the occasional tch escaping when either of you hit a snake, but the game was neck in neck. You had to roll a perfect six to win, and Azul a four, and it was his turn. The both of you had your fingers crossed.
He rolled a two, the exact number that he didn’t want. He moved his piece forward and gritted his teeth as he moved it down two rows. He sighed, handing over the die. He knew that he had most likely lost this game.
You gently took it, and rolled a six. You had won. “Looks like luck was on my side tonight,” you grinned.
Azul grumbled, but he couldn’t stay mad at you. “Would you like a prize for that?” It was part sarcasm, but also part genuine question.
You placed a kiss on his cheek. “Just spending time with you is a prize in its own right… but I won’t say no to your cooking either!”
It wasn’t really a prize, as you were already getting his cooking for dinner, but it nonetheless made Azul feel soft and warm. The two of you really should spend more nights in if they were going to be like this.
~~~~~~~
Tags: @eynnwwyjth, @hydra-sea, @inkybloom-luv, @identity-theft-101, @krenenbaker, @officialdaydreamer00, @twistwonderlanddevotee, @xxoomiii
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