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justporo · 3 months

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Bedroom Hymns

If you thought Astarion was done with you with how you look wearing nothing but his shirt, you are very much wrong. In fact, Astarion is only just starting to enjoy himself as he finally has you where he wants you - on his lap, writhing desperately.

PART 1 | MASTERLIST | AO3

Author's Note: I don't even know what to tell you anymore. This is roughly 6k of just smut and me losing my shame writing said smut. I hope you enjoy - and someone take me out back for overwriting this. Apparently it needed to be let out.

Pairing: Astarion/Fem!Tav (You) Warnings: explicit sexual content, vaginal sex, blood kink, nipple play, slight edging light dom/sub dynamic, light predator/prey dynamic Wordcount: 6k ~~~

You gazed upon your lover and soulmate beneath you, how he was kneeling under you, some of his curls twined around your fingers. Breath and a feeling for reality were still blissfully eluding you. If you had thought that he’d been a heavenly body descended from the skies eternal to bless you with his presence it now seemed you had switched places.

His crimson eyes were bright in the low light, almost glowing and the way he smiled at you - tips of his fangs visible and the corners of his mouth curled up so far - showed this kind of wild joy one really only felt when indulging in some of the most carnal pleasures. And there was awe in the way he looked at you, like somehow he couldn’t believe his own personal goddess had come and stretched out her hand to him, ever so benevolent.

You felt ethereal, eternal.

And thankfully Astarion was fully devoted to you, a firm believer and frequent worshipper at the temple that was your body. Ready to offer you plenty more pleasure. He’d see that prophecy fulfilled - for his own sake and yours of course. You couldn’t wait to see it all unfold.

If you could have stayed forever in this perfect moment, you would have. But a few things kept dragging you back to a less sleek and paradisiacal vision.

Astarion’s fingertips still digging into your backside, the burn of his handprint there and the dizzy feeling swirling through your head were the testament that he had indulged you plentily. The visible bulge in the thin sheets that were precariously draped around your lover’s waist and its occasional throbs in the meantime were the prophecy for a night long not over.

When you dragged on some strands of the vampire’s hair he answered you with a low growl, eyes darkening. And the kisses he had been trailing along your thigh turned into letting his teeth scrape - he was a predator after all, only allowing you to play with him as long as he deigned it satisfactory. The tables could be turned onto you quickly and the thought made your whole lower body clench.

Maybe you liked this rougher, realer version better than any possible divine vision. Maybe you craved the broken perfection that allowed for your continuous fall into corruption.

Neither of you were saints. But he’d given you so much of him already. But In turn he demanded the same devotion now. More than just a humble offering to show your dedication to him now.

Thankfully, you were more than prepared to offer him everything.

You let him caress your thighs a bit more while his fingers kept kneading your behind, but then you tugged on his hair harder than before, dragging him from his source of enjoyment which he commented with another growl.

“Stop playing with your food and fucking take me, Astarion”, you demanded, voice only slightly shaky, making your own heart race anxiously with the bold words and your core throb in desperate need.

It earned you another slap onto your ass right on the same spot where another had landed before. That and delight reflecting on Astarion’s face for you so openly stating what you desired. Meanwhile your butt stung deliciously and had you bite your lip.

“If you want me inside of you, my heart, then be a good girl and sit”, he replied in a low, almost rumbly tone, practically barking the last word, and with his hands on your behind nudged until your still wobbly legs gave in by themselves.

You saw the open challenge in his narrowed ruby eyes and you weren’t fully decided if it was more threat or promise, but you were enticed anyway as you let yourself obey to his barked command.

The muscles in Astarion’s arms flexed as he let your body slide down along his torso slowly. His hands wandered up from your butt, to your hips, gradually wandering up over the sides of your body while you were coming down on him.Your thighs spread apart on their own while you felt your own heated skin brush against the smooth and cool body of the vampire.

It just felt natural like this: letting your legs open for him, straddling him and feeling how much he craved you immediately as you sank down with a blissful, lewd sigh spilling from your lips. Astarion’s eyebrow and cock twitched in delight as he heard that.

Meanwhile your eyes didn’t stray from his for even a single moment. Nothing in the world could have ripped you from this view: Astarion’s pupils dilating while you sank onto his lap until the black almost blotted out the vibrant red of his irises.

Your limbs still felt weak from the forceful orgasm just moments ago but your body was completely and utterly helpless when it came to Astarion. You already felt lust coil in your abdomen again, when you settled down onto him, legs splayed as far as possible. Your hands had wandered from his hair to his shoulders, holding onto him with a soft trembling.

When you sat comfortably on his lap only the sheets were between his eagerly twitching erection and your obscenely wet and swollen core. His dick strained against your folds and his arms around you tensed at the sensation of finally getting to experience some friction. Immediately it made you grind your hips into him, desperate to feel more than just a taste.

The mixture of your wetness and his hardened length already starting to leak in anticipation of what he was about to unleash onto you quickly had the thin fabric between you drenched and cling to his cock as you already began losing control over your movements and the last of your humility.

Your head lolled back and your hands clenched onto his shoulders with a noiseless moan leaving your throat. The first time he’d made you come tonight had already nearly made you burst into a million pieces. You weren’t completely sure how you’d survive another one.

But gods, you were so eager to feel him.

And even more than that you wanted to please him. Wanted to give him what you had experienced just a few moments ago: pleasure so intense it made you forget anything but your own desire and the body of your lover pressed against you. You wanted to make him feel that again and again until he would have forgotten everything that had come before you. You wanted to be his path to salvation if possible.

You were positive you could do it. And you would devote your whole self - body, heart and soul - to make up for all the pain he was made to suffer.

His shirt in the meantime had ridden up on your upper body while you had slid down against him. It was bunched between the two of you now. Your breasts pressed against him, your nipples already pleasantly peaked, but still covered by the linen.

While you kept slowly grinding against him, Astarion’s hands slid up from your hips over your back and then slid around your torso to cup your tits from below: perking them up by pushing them up and together with his palms. You hummed contentedly as you enjoyed the view of your own daunting cleavage through the loose lacing of Astarion’s old camp shirt as you looked down. Something about seeing yourself like this was adding majorly to your already heightened senses and lust.

When the vampire noticed that he wasted no time pushing further while lifting up his hips a little so you could more tension down there too. He pushed you so far, your breasts squished so hard it stung pleasantly, that it made you squeal in delight.

And you heard a very similar noise coming from Astarion, almost purring for you, as he began playing around with your boobs more. He let them jig down then squeezed them again, letting his thumbs wander to rub lazy circles over their peaks until they were even more clearly outlined, the fabric spanning over them when he tugged the shirt tightly over them.

Your hands sank down to grab onto his arms, fingertips indenting on his biceps and feeling the muscles move slowly under your splayed fingers.

A violent twitch of him between your legs - that your own body quickly responded to - and a breathy moan spilling from his lips had you snap your gaze back from your tits to Astarion’s face. It was filled with admiration as he kept toying and gazing at your boobs that felt deliciously heavy with lust.

Your senses were so heightened, your whole body so tense you were acutely aware of everything you felt: his fingers on your boobs, his cock pressing against your feverishly hot core that couldn’t wait to finally take him, how his own skin started to warm up to your own body that was almost radiating heat from the intense lust you felt.

“I love how your tits look in my shirt, darling,” Astarion whispered breathlessly, mesmerised by the very thing he spoke about. He didn’t seem like he ever wanted to stop

You laughed softly at that. The way he said it sounded almost too innocent for what you were engaging in.

Then his eyes wandered to you, open and wide. As if he’d never seen anything more beautiful in his life.

“I love how you look in my shirt, Tav,” he mumbled softly, his face full of desire and yearning for you - and love. And somehow his honest, genuine words combined with how your name rolled off his tongue instead of one of his usual pet names, made you way more flushed and flustered than the fact that you were currently indulging in your most animalistic pleasures without restraint or shame like you’d never done before tonight.

Your own love for him was overflowing inside your chest as you watched him gaze at you with love and admiration in his red eyes. You moved to cup his face softly and leaned forward to press a soft kiss to his mouth.

Astarion welcomed you with open lips and a pleased sigh. You kissed him slowly and lovingly, letting your fingertips wander over his cheeks and then over his sensitive pointy ears. He sighed once more and deepened the kiss, letting go of your breasts for the time being to wrap his arms around you and pull you closer against him.

The kiss didn’t stay slow and innocent for long. Once his tongue slipped into your mouth and you were aware how your already teased boobs squished against his upper body, you bucked your hips once more with a moan, grinding against his cock again.

That seemed to remind Astarion of the unfinished business. The vampire hissed when he felt you shift against him again. There might not be much longer before the teasing would make him lose the rest of his sanity.

The mood had shifted again to something simmering and burning hot and bright. But you knew his honest love for you was burning just as hot as your desire for you.

“This shit has to fucking go”, the vampire growled as he tore away from the intense kiss. There he was again, the predator that existed under the thin veil of civility. And you loved how at times you saw it slip, experiencing Astarion letting go a bit off his own reins.

You trusted him fully that he knew exactly how far he could go.

Without further notice he wrapped one of his arms around you beneath your buttocks to lift you up. With his other arm he awkwardly tried to rid himself of the now pretty drenched sheets that were still partially covering him. His impatience made him lose some of his usual dexterity and he cursed under his breath when he couldn’t get rid of the godsdamned thing clinging wetly to his lower body.

You tried to help to kick it away with your feet and you both had to chuckle at your desperate and awkward tries to finally get it away from him in a small moment of hysteria caused by both of your emotions running high and the tension being as taught as a bow string between you.

This wasn’t one of the performances Astarion would have acted out months ago when you had started sleeping with and slowly falling for each other. This was nothing but honest, desperate need for each other and the just as desperate clambering to finally get there.

You threw each other an amused look, your face flustered from the stupid situation and Astarion shaking his head at his own uncommon clumsiness with a small grin.

Then he finally set you down again, his dick now firmly pressed between your bodies, finally free of restraints.

You moaned when you felt him hard against your naked stomach. With your one hand on Astarion’s arm again you let your other hand immediately wander to his hardness, the tip already glistening with wetness. You wrapped your hand around him as tightly as possible with your bodies so tightly pressed against each other already and gave his cock a few tentative strokes. Your thumb stroked over his soft tip and over the wet beads there, pressing down firmly and then spreading some of the slickness around, making the vampire almost whimper from how you handled this sensitive part of his body. His reaction was so visceral that even his balls tightened in response to your confident caress.

Astarion in the meantime pulled up his shirt on your body until he had bared your breasts, the cold air hitting them and their sensitive buds at their peaks making you gasp and shiver. His thumbs went to your nipples again, started teasing them, twisting them, similarly to how he had done before but now with newly found vigour. And the fact that there was full skin-on-skin contact now only amplified the rush you got from his playful caresses tenfold.

You arched your back for him, whispering his name like a psalm, zealously wanting to offer yourself up for him even more, wanting him to indulge in you. Your head rolled back in pleasure as you also rolled your hips and tried to grind against his hard cock, helping with your other hand to make it slide along your clit and your core. The tip diving into some of the wet heat, receiving a taste of what it could be like if only he finally sank into you.

You heard Astarion growl deep in his throat at the sight of you losing all shame for him, desperate to feel him and to be appreciated by him - his own personal succubus. His length kept jerking while you worked for every tiny piece of delicious friction you could get.

The vampire observed how you writhed on his lap, like you were his own personal siren. Every sweet moan that spilled from your lips another part of your irresistible siren song that beckoned him farther and farther still, wanting him to give and take everything. He watched as you flipped your hair back to ground against him even more eagerly, biting your lip, your hand not currently teasing his cock gripping his shoulder for more hold.

Astarion’s eyes glazed over from the pleasure becoming almost too much already, his lips curling up in a senseless smile of pure bliss as he was positively aching. He’d been so patient and enduring and his whole being yearned to be inside of you, to finally have you clench around him while he earned his well deserved release. But he was still urging you on, wondering if he could make you reach another peak before he did.

“Darling, hold my shirt up for me, would you?”, he pressed out breathlessly while you were still grinding yourself against him. You obeyed without even thinking about it, slowly letting go of Astarion’s hardness to do as he asked.

“Good girl,” he purred and praised you with a smirk and one eyebrow jumping up, while his hands slid over your spine: one stayed on the small of your back, the other wandered up further, over your neck until he could curl his fingers in your hair to get some good grip. And then the next time you rolled your hips up against him, he pulled your head back by your hair and with his hand on your back pulled you even closer so he had you arching your back almost painfully. Now your breasts were perfectly presented for him and were held immobile against his torso. You kept tugging his shirt up further.

“Do you want me to take your shirt off?”, you asked breathlessly and felt your whole body flush just from the way your lover held you - fully at his mercy now. Your legs were already shivering from the impossible pose: held and hovering, falling but somehow secure.

“Gods, no,” Astarion groaned with an edge of desperation in his tone and loosened the hold on your hair a little so you could look into his eyes. “I want to smell you on it after I’m done fucking you”, he explained, his voice breathy from lust, eyes half-lidded.

And then without further warning he tugged on your hair again, hard, and went down on one of your offered up breasts. He sucked on its peak, his sharp teeth grazing the delicate skin around it. You whimpered helplessly, your hand on his shoulder gripping even harder, probably leaving marks by now.

While he was sucking and now even biting, drawing just enough blood so he could taste you, he lifted you up enough until his dick could slide along your wet folds and easily slid to your entrance. Your legs were trembling as you felt the tip of him teasingly sink into you just the barest bit.

The pain of Astarion dragging on your hair and biting and sucking on your tits while you felt the head of his cock agonisingly slowly sink into you, finally, had your eyes roll into the back of your skull. A moan of yours slowly became something between a plea and a scream while ever so slowly he let you sink down onto him until he was buried to the hilt within you.

You bit your lip in a desperate attempt to keep some control over your body but after the long and slow buildup just the feeling of Astarion finally inside of you made your core clench around him forcefully.

The vampire kept suckling on your breasts and the dribble of blood he had going there, just a few drops already being enough to make his cock inside you twitch from how exquisite you tasted on his tongue. It only made you clench harder around him.

You whimpered in desperation and let go of the fabric you had still been holding up to have both of your hands claw at Astarion’s back now. In response your lover lifted his face from where he had been latched onto your sensitive skin to laugh softly and haughtily. You felt it lightly but deeply shake through his and your own body.

“I have barely done anything, my love, and you’re almost already coming for me again,” Astarion whispered and clicked his tongue - the fucking bastard.

Then he licked up a single drop of blood from your breasts. It made his cock twitch again in response to that while Astarion hummed in arrogant satisfaction. It made you think of something.

While his hands had you almost immobile you couldn’t resist spurring him on a little more. He had you captive, his prey. But you felt you could tease out the hunter, the predator a little more.

“Well, how about you do some more then, love?”, you asked with an edge of passive-aggressiveness, knowing that your tone already would get the better of him.

You both knew that he was a massive tease and that he delighted way too much in riling you up whenever and wherever possible, no matter the circumstances. Only when it was the most appropriate time to get going did he take his precious time to get to the point. So you would just try and coax him until his already dwindling patience would snap.

Already, Astarion was grumbling at you and he yanked on your hair harder again - how pleasant.

But you also had an ace up your sleeve. Using the little space you had for moving, you willingly clenched down around his cock again while you lifted your hips just a little before letting them slam down again. That earned you a disgruntled groan but you felt how he instinctively had started moving his hips with yours when you did it again. He couldn’t resist you anymore - not with how desperately he was craving you.

And now for your trump card. You moved your head just a little, bringing his attention to your neck that was already conveniently bared and ready for him, just like the rest of your body. And then there was your thundering pulse that had been making you feel dizzy for a while now but sped up even more as you anticipated what was about to happen.

You heard him grunt, obviously immediately understanding what you offered him. He wouldn’t let the opportunity pass, of course he wouldn’t. Not if the pretty morsel was presenting itself so beautifully and enchantingly on a silver platter.

With your hair still in his grip he leaned closer. He deeply inhaled your intoxicating scent that was intensified by the blood pumping through you amplified by your desire. His other hand moved to your butt now and began to squeeze, giving you more room to move and helping you lift up your hips a little with every roll of your body as you began riding him slowly.

Just a moment later you felt his lips on your throat, kissing it open-mouthed, caressing it with his tongue pressing flatly against it, directly over where your pulse was fluttering even faster now, knowing what was about to happen. Merely an instance later you felt the sharp sting of his fangs breaking your skin and then the cold, but titillating sensation of Astarion taking your blood. His hand slid from your hair to the back of your neck, holding it steady for him while the whole sensation brought newly known waves of lust over your body.

You heard his pleased and feral groans as he drank your blood in generous gulps while he gripped your ass harder and you slowly sped up the pace of you grinding onto him.

And then you felt another pleasant sensation while you slowly lost your breath and mind moving on your lover: you could feel his dick inside you physically grow harder as he drank from you and jerk viciously in rhythm with every gulp he took. Your blood giving the vampire a surprising amount of vigour while it also made him noticeably more feral.

The sounds that spilled from your lips became lewder by the second as you felt all of it once: him hitting deep and hard inside of you, his hands gripping you, your breasts jigging with every slam of your hips and the dizzying cold slowly and pleasantly spreading from your neck through your body while your fingers dug into the vampire’s shoulders until you almost felt like you were drifting out of your own body from the pleasure.

With a jerk and some obvious internal struggle Astarion ripped himself away from your neck, his fingers at its back digging into your skin. He slowly released their grip on you, joining his other hand on your butt, so you could take a look at his face. His gaze on you was intense, a few curls had fallen onto his forehead.

All while he kept fucking you relentlessly: now with both hands on your behind it was him dictating the pace, lifting your hips up again while slamming into you with rolling of his own hips.

His eyes were impossibly wide, pupils dilated as much as possible. Some of your blood was dripping down his chin but he didn’t even care, he had only eyes for you and how you almost had lost all your senses already, being taken by him like this and with newly found energy and vitality from your delicious, nurturing blood. And he realised your ploy.

“And here I thought you were only offering out of the goodness of your heart, you little vixen,” Astarion mumbled while he watched your eyes roll back again as he picked up the pace. You were in no state to even answer anymore, the only things leaving your lips were heavy breaths and senseless moans.

But Astarion wasn’t having it. He slowed down until he was thrusting frustratingly slowly.

“Tell me what you want, love,” the vampire demanded, slowly lifting your hips up until he had almost fully withdrawn from you. You only whimpered in desperation in response. Astarion stilled fully, holding you there, in suspense, his gaze boring into you.

“Darling, speak to me,” he said, his voice teasing as he smirked at you. How he was even capable of doing that while he could have just been buried deep down inside of you was fully beyond you. You only groaned in frustration at him, clawed at his back as if mad, needing him to just keep going.

He snorted, still letting you hover right above his cock now - and didn’t move an inch: “Don’t make this harder on you than it has to be, sweetheart.”

That made you break. “As if that was even a possibility, Astarion,” you chuckled breathlessly, feeling hysteria bubbling up inside you

The vampire just answered with a chuckle and then let you pounce down on his dick again, immediately having you claw at him and moan again from the sensation of being filled completely by him within an inch of your life from one moment to the next.

“So she does speak after all,” he teased you with a low laugh vibrating through both of your bodies. Thankfully he kept up a steady rhythm now.

“Now, - tell me - what you - want!”, the vampire pressed out between each thrust. Obviously he massively overestimated your ability to form even simple sentences when he fucked you like that.

“Harder,” you simply uttered breathlessly. Astarion hummed in approval while a grin split his lips, baring his fangs to you once more.

“So it obviously is a possibility,” he replied smugly. You groaned angrily and bucked your hips while clenching around him, making him moan in return. As much as you loved to hear him talk, you would have liked for him to pour that energy into how he was thrusting into you.

But you quickly regretted your insolent behaviour when he suddenly grabbed you and threw you onto the mattress, shortly being withdrawn from you. You gasped and caught yourself with your elbows, but the bedding was soft enough anyway.

Astarion prowled closer to you, his gaze that of a predator closing in on his prey once more. Then as he moved your legs up with his hands he eyed your throbbing core that was desperate to welcome him again. He positioned his hips and his glistening hard length between your legs.

You thought he was just about to make your wish happen with how he pressed up your thighs to spread you for him. But as you looked at his face you found him gazing at you, his messy white curls falling into his face, crimson eyes glinting in awe at the sight of you while his fingers dug into the soft flesh of your legs.

“Look at you, my darling,” he whispered as if to himself. But when he continued his eyes locked with yours: “Look how beautiful you are.” He emphasised his words by squeezing your thighs with his splayed fingers.

He practically moaned the words as he pushed your thighs a little further and finally began to sink into you again.

His mouth was agape as he leaned forward over you, making your legs bend towards your head as far as your exquisite body allowed. His eyes were glazing over with lust and a sound you could only describe as a purr rumbled through his chest as he slowly buried himself into you again until he had bottomed out.

“Look how well you take me, love. My good, good girl.”

You gasped at his praise, eyes wide as he spelled out exactly his thoughts for you. He leaned further over you and grabbed your wrists to pin them down beside each side of your head. Instinctively your legs wrapped around his hips then, your ankles crossed, trying to hold him deep inside you.

It earned you a loving smile, an approving hum. But then Astarion withdrew from you slowly again.

“You’re so good for me,” he mumbled and then slammed into you so hard again it made you yelp. “And so ready.”

“My beautiful darling”, Astarion continued, eyes fixed on you while he thrust again, making your breath almost catch in your throat as you kept staring at him with eyes wide, mouth open as he kept telling you just how much he adored you.

His eyes were soft as he slammed into you unyieldingly, nothing but praise leaving his full lips while he sped up the pace and you felt it wouldn’t take long anymore. Not with how he had kept teasing you, how he had made you work for every inch gained.

You lost all ability to do anything but let your body arch towards his more and clenching around him in eager desperation while he kept going: both with the praise and the thrusts.

“You’re so perfect, Tav, my darling.”

“Can you take me a little harder still?”

“Yes, my good little pup.”

“Look how eager you are, you little fox.”

“You’re a goddess, my love. My goddess.”

You felt yourself lose yourself, your legs already starting to tremble with how tense they were as you felt the orgasm creep up onto you. Meanwhile Astarion’s eyes didn’t leave yours for a second while he hovered above you. Every detail of his perfect face imprinted permanently into your memory: the soft laugh lines and around his eyes and crinkles around his crimson eyes, the perfect aristocratic nose, the soft, full lips he occasionally bit down on as he too kept losing himself in you, showing his pronounced canines. You could have gone forever with tiny details you would never forget in this lifetime - or the next.

All while he kept fucking you unrelentingly and unapologetically.

And neither would you forget how it felt, how with every deep hit within you you partially lost yourself and how you let yourself be taken willingly.

Then he let go of one of your wrists to let a hand wander between your bodies, the pad of his thumb easily finding your clit despite how closely your bodies were pressed together already. And it gave you the opportunity to lift one of your hands to his face and cup it - while he kept going. His head fell a little lower and some of his soft, white curls were tickling your face lightly.

The way he fucked you so hard while he looked at you with those loving eyes was such a stark contrast but it just felt right like that. It made for the perfect mixture. It assured you that now matter how deep and long you’d fall, he’d make sure you find your way back again. And that you’d do the same for him.

Then, when he sloppily started to swipe over the tender bud between your legs, you knew this was about to become your end.

Just for a few moments his gaze strayed from yours, looking at how you were still in his shirt, a sign of how you belonged to him. How you were his and his alone. He’d never forget this image: you coming undone beneath him while his old, dusty shirt was bunched up over your bared breasts, being drenched with the sheen of sweat that by now covered your whole body.

There was nothing on his mind but you and how you made him feel. Becoming almost too much, it was almost as if he could feel his undead heart start beating again.

And he didn’t stop, locking eyes with you again. His words became more incoherent slowly and you noticed from how his pace became a little unsteady that he was about to lose himself completely as well. The muscles in your legs and lower body were tensed so much that it started to hurt but just added to the tension building up inside you. You were ready to snap at a moment’s notice.

“I love you, Tav,” were his lasts words of praise as he slammed into you a final time and you felt his cock twitch violently inside of you announcing his savage orgasm.

“I love you,” you moaned back as - in time with him - you felt how you lost the last of yourself as well. A long wailing moan, exclaiming his name once more towards the heavens left your lips as you felt yourself dissipate into the aether.

He kept fucking you through waves of pleasure making both of you shake while he spilled himself inside of you, his head falling to the crook of your neck where he moaned your name again and again - a continued credo of his devotion to you and only you.

And when nothing of it was left but shaking, trembling bodies and heavy, gasping breathing Astarion slowly lifted his head from your neck and withdrew from you. With a groan he rolled off you and he sighed deeply. One of his hands reassuringly remaining on your body at all times.

None of you were able to formulate a complete sentence again but with still softly shaking hands he pulled down his shirt over your trembling body and then pulled you to his naked chest.

You were thankful for the opportunity to snuggle up against him, legs already tangling with his. Pleasant exhaustion and deep, unyielding love was all you felt as you were lying in his arms. And Astarion felt very much the same as he began to slowly stroke your back.

A whole eternity later it felt like, he spoke again: “I guess you should wear my clothes more often, my love. What comes of it has proven beneficial for the both of us, don’t you think, sweetheart?”

You simply hummed in approval, still way too worn out from how “beneficial” this all had been for you.

“You’re forgetting to use your words again, darling. You should try it sometime, it gets you far in life,” Astarion replied sassily when you offered nothing more in response.

You growled in annoyance and grabbed a nearby pillow. When Astarion was about to keep teasing you, you whacked him straight in the face with the plush thing, causing him to hiss and curse at you.

“I love you, Astarion. And now shut up, you noisy vampire!” you scolded him and tiredly let the pillow drop off the side of the mattress.

Astarion huffed at you.

But then he pulled you in closer to him, pressing his cheek to the top of your head as he closed his eyes.

“I love you too, my little rascal.”

The smile on your lips stayed there when you slowly drifted off to your dreams - and even until you woke up again.

Taglist (DM if you want to be added please): @spacebarbarianweird @sunfire-ancunin @tragedybunny @dependsonthedream @tallymonster @magazzne @micropoe10 @aoirohi @my-bunny-prince @lumienyx @fayeriess @darlingxdragon @hereliesblackdragon @ayselluna @ajokeformur-ray @i-cant-get-into-my-other-account @rikuyrk06 @marina-and-the-memes

#astarion #baldur's gate 3 #astarion ancunin #fanfiction #astarion x tav #bg3 spoilers #baldur's gate iii #baldurs gate #astarion x mc #astarion x oc #astarion x you #astarion x reader #bg3

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hantenguclonesimp-minuszoha · 19 days

Note

hantengu (+plus all of his clones) reaction to their wife giving them their first ever kiss on the lips. This would probably take place like at the beginning of their marriage. Also if you don’t feel comfortable with making wife reader kiss Zohakuten on the lips, you could do like his nose or the area above his lips. Thank you! :))

𝓐 𝓚𝓲𝓼𝓼 𝓕𝓸𝓻 𝓖𝓸𝓸𝓭 𝓛𝓾𝓬𝓴.

Hantengu x Fem!Reader Kissing HCs

Synopsis: The Upper Rank 4's now wife couldn't resist kissing her sweet husband just to see his reaction, or in her case, her sweet husbands.

Warnings: A bit of NSFW elements on Sekido's, Karaku's and Urogi's parts, otherwise it's just a whole lot of sweetness \(>v<)/

Divider credits:

Saradika's roses, golden railing and that weird green thing

Purples sparkles and paint roll splodge thing

Water like waves

Note: OMG THIS IS SUCH A CUTE IDEA!!! I LOVE IT!!!! ALL OF YOU HAVE THE BEST IDEAS!! (I wrote this really quickly cuz the smut is taking WAY too long for even me so have at it in the meantime, anyways, enjoy the food ^3^) + please forgive me if this isn't too great, this is my first time doing HCs. I couldn't really picture a full on one-shot with this so I turned them to HCs, it's also a great way for me to try it out for the first time (° 3 °) + did not proofread (I never do)

The mere fact that the Upper Moon Four out of all the six (eight) upper moons actually got married, much less got into a relationship and somehow managed to keep it is a shock in itself for not only the other moons but for Muzan himself. If anything, he thought it'd all end in just a few days, but no, his fourth strongest demon is married now. Oh well, he could care less for any of his employees, as long as he did as they were told, they were free to do as they wish.

As for the newlyweds, they were perfect and happy. The wife's family was very happy for the pair, though, they had been under the impression that it was just one man and not a demon that could split into younger versions of himself. That would've been quite the scandal. Now, the day – or in this case, night – after the wedding, they are all simply relaxing in their shared home after having returned from a mission.

𝐇𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐮

— The first thing this little demon does is rush to his wife, sobbing and bawling his eyes out about the fact that demon slayers tried to kill him, claiming that he "can do no wrong" or that he's being "wrongly accused of crimes". It's the same old thing and even then, she listens to every word he has to say as he shivers in her palm.

— Is quite surprised to say the least. He didn't expect the soft lips of his perfect wife to press against his small head but that doesn't mean it wasn't welcomed, if anything he cried more, though this time, not about the fact that he was hunted by demon slayers. Well, maybe that too, but that was only so his wife could pity him more and give him more kisses.

"T-They were all s-so awful! Their b-blades against my n-n-neck was so a-agonising!! It scared me!" He sobbed while hugging her thumb, wiping his tears and snot on the sleeve of his kimono as he continued his complaints. "Oh, my poor husband. Maybe some kisses will make you feel better." She said as she places a multitude of soft pecks on not only his head but also his small body. The small demon could not resist the feeling of his wife's lips against him and thus moved closer so more of his body could gain the sensation of her lips pressing against it.

— Is far too shy (scared) to ask for kisses. Instead, he uses his manipulation tactics to get her to pity him and so she could kiss him. A little bit of guilt here and there but it is all worth it for a few of his wife's kisses.

— Is the one who enjoys getting kissed by his wife the most after Aizetsu and surprisingly enough is very greedy for them to the point where he forgets being shy and simply begs for her to kiss him.

"P-Please kiss me again, d-dear! Just o-one more time!" He pleaded, almost on the verge of crying again at the thought of his wife's show of affection stopping. She chuckles softly at his desperacy for her kisses and is even a little bit surprised at how much he craves them. Usually he's busy cowering in a corner or something. "Of course, my love. I'll give you all the kisses you want." She cooed before her lips pressed themselves against his cheeks.

— Gets extremely flustered if it's on the lips. He'll begin to stutter and perhaps even forget how to speak as his face flushes a bright red despite his still heart not really giving a proper blood flow.

— Must always kiss him whenever he leaves for a mission or in general, or if you go to bed or anywhere else really and it must be on the lips, he will settle for nothing less. And I mean nothing less.

— Will kiss you softly in your sleep if he returns from a mission and you're already lights out before cuddling up beside you.

— Favourite places to kiss you are your lips, forehead and cheeks, how cute.

𝐒𝐞𝐤𝐢𝐝𝐨

— Sekido is probably at the patio rubbing his temples, trying to get a moment of silence and peace all to himself after having dealt with his annoying younger selves. Their tomfoolery and clown-like behaviour makes him want to absorb them so they shut up, especially Karaku who doesn't know when to keep his trap shut.

— The tension in his head is instantly relieved at the mere sound of his wife. He had heard her approaching from a few rooms away and is pleased with her presence before standing up to give her a firm hug and sighing heavily to begin his complaining about the other clones.

— Completely caught off guard and stunned to silence when he suddenly feels his wife's lips against his face, only blinking in pleasant surprise as his crimson eyes stare into hers. He never knew how much he liked her kisses until now.

"They are such a pain to manage and it makes want to rip them all to shreds so they could shut their traps for once!" He spat angrily while shaking his head in annoyance. The urge to punch something grew ever so stronger as he then got up to grab and throw something before he was interrupted by the feeling of soft lips on his jawline. "Don't break stuff, Sekido, those are expensive." Her soothing voice rang out in the large space, the soft sound waves of her voice reaching his hypersensitive pointed ears and instantly calming his extreme rage.

— Will immediately ask for more kisses and is not ashamed about it, though that won't encourage him to openly ask infront of the others, especially not Karaku.

— Surprisingly enough, he gets a bit hot and bothered at just your kisses alone and even moreso when on the lips. Poor clone is constantly stressed out that any outlet of relief already gets him so worked up. Doesn't mean it's unattractive, if you know what I mean 👀

"Again." He huffs softly, rough hands grabbing onto her waist and pulling her to his frame before his lips connect to hers. Immediately, his tongue fights its way through her mouth, intertwining with hers and venturing as deep as it could. His hands hold onto her waist firmly before one of his them slips just below her buttock and groped it firmly, the other slipping upwards and cupping her breast.

— He was beginning to enjoy himself before his advances were stopped by you with the excuse that the others would hear and would also want to join, much to his disappointment and irritation.

— Nevertheless, he's well-aware that you're right. While he doesn't mind sharing you with the others in the slightest, he'd like to have you alone for a little while due to how worked up he is.

— Will give you kisses should you go anywhere that's not near them and may even follow you just ensure your safety and expect the same when he's going on missions.

— Favourite places to kiss are neck, lips and jawline.

𝐊𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐤𝐮

— At this point, she's had the idea to go around and kiss the other clones to see how they'd react and she had a fair idea of what Karaku's reaction would be. Karaku, who was in the kitchen doing God knows what, was surprised when his wife suddenly approached him and kissed him on the lips.

— I mean, who said he's complaining? If anything, he can put aside time he had made to play fight with Urogi for a few kisses and perhaps more from his wife (⁠ ͡⁠°⁠ ͜⁠ʖ⁠ ͡⁠°⁠)

"Am I that irresistible to you, sweet thing?" He purred teasingly, face leaning in far beyond her personal space (not that she minds). "Perhaps." She teased back before backing away her head. "Oh no, no, stay a little. I'd like to have some more little kisses from my little wife!" Karaku wasn't going to let her get away that easily, no way. The demon grabbed her hips and pulled her closer before kissing her neck and jawline, slowly trailing his lips upwards towards her lips.

— Instantly got handsy with you (no surprise there), hands busy down there groping your asscheeks as if they were some stress toys while he's busy making out with you. Almost seemed like he wanted to lift you up...

— His mouth was definitely everywhere, especially near your cleavage. The guy has a weird obsession with your boobs and not just in the horny way.

— Was definitely disappointed when you pulled away and said you still have the other clones to attend to but didn't fuss about it. He's just happy he got to get a few grabs on his wife here and there and managed to get a make out session with her, even if short.

"Alright, alright, fine. But were definitely continuing this when you're done." Karaku says before giving her rear a slap and disappearing into the living room as she stood there chuckling at his behaviour. She expected nothing less from the pleasure demon.

— Will often try to engage a make out session with you whether or not the others are present and not giving a rat's ass about what they may think, do, or say as long as he got to taste your lips.

— Favourite places to kiss are definitely cleavage/boobs and neck. He's that guy.

𝐀𝐢𝐳𝐞𝐭𝐬𝐮

— Shocked but gladly welcomed it as his face gained a light red colour before he kissed back harder. Instantly went soft and (politely) asked for more kisses, also wanting to feel his head be held in her delicate hands.

— Immediately begins to complain about Sekido having yelled at him too much and that he was following orders. Out of each clone so far, Aizetsu appeared the most stressed and frustrated and the only way he could out that was through crying since he didn't really possess any other emotional receptors other than sorrow.

"He always yells so much, it hurts my ears and head... Even when I do what I'm told he still yells." The now crying demon sniffles softly into the crook of her neck. She pat his back softly as she listened to him vent while also scolding Sekido in her head at his brash behaviour. "Please kiss me, darling... Your love always makes me feel better." Even if he couldn't feel the emotion love itself, he loved it when his wife would express her love for him no matter what way that may be (pause).

— The longer this goes on, the sappier he gets as he constantly asks for words of affirmation and kisses while snuggling you more. While he prefers kisses on his forehead and cheek, he isn't too shy to kiss back on the lips and they're not just the soft once you see in those love story movies.

— The man (demon) can kiss just as well as the others, I mean for goodness' sake, they're the same person but at different ages of their shared life (even though that's barely noticeable). Aizetsu can start a whole make out session if he so wished with the way his tongue was dancing with yours right now, but all he wants right now is comfort from the frustration his second oldest counterpart had caused (Urami is the oldest, dumb dumb excluding Hantengu).

— Like Hantengu, he's a sucker for kisses. Please kiss this man anywhere (pause) because he loves it. He'll kiss you too in return, can't only take without giving something in return for his lovely wife, now can he?

— He comes to you when he's sadder than usual for kisses and snuggles so he can calm down or in case the others are too loud.

— Favourite places to kiss are corner of your lip, nose and temple

𝐔𝐫𝐨𝐠𝐢

— Oh boy, this one is already so hyperactive and it only gets worse when he gets attention from his wife, so imagine how giggly and jumpy he was when he suddenly felt her lips connect to his. He could almost ascend to the heavens even though that's not where he's ever going.

— Will demand for more because it makes him happy and according to him, he gets "a pleasant feeling" in his chest that he can't get enough of.

— Will instantly grab hold of her to deepen the kiss, so much so that he forgets she needs to breathe (oopsie). He does apologise for forgetting so there's a plus.

"You taste exquisite, songbird. I could kiss those lips forever and not get tired from it." Said the lively harpy clone before once again going in for a deep and passionate kiss while being mindful of his talons and wrapping his wings around her.

— Guaranteed privacy screen with his wings when your kissing him. It reminds him of how you belong to nobody else but him, that you love only him (and the clones) and have eyes for nobody else. It's also a way of asserting his dominance.

— Absolutely LOVES it when you put your hands on his chest, it fuels his already inflated ego since he's the clone who shows off the most ("How do you like my talons?" ahh). Not only does he like to gloat about his talons and their strength, but he also LOVES to show off his body to you and boast about how good he looks (for you).

— Can't have Urogi headcanons without mentioning his wings now, can I? Since – according to actual research – caressing a bird's wings can get them aroused/sexually frustrated (if you don't do anything else), Urogi loves it when you place small kisses on his wings. It makes him feel oh so good. Sometimes he forgets he can't just grab you randomly and make love to you right then and there. Oh well, a kiss will do for now.

"Kiss my wings, it feels good." Urogi commands rather bluntly as he flared his wings out for her, caressing her face gently to coax her into kissing them. She chuckled softly before doing what was requested from her. She was quite surprised to hear a soft, barely audible moan from Urogi before realising why he wanted her to kiss his wings. That gives her ideas for... future playtime.

— Gets embarrassed when you hear him moan and uses the excuse that you must've heard wrong or teases you about wanting him (I sure do 😝). He will never admit that his wings do more than just get him to moan.

— Favourite places to kiss are ears, collarbone, forehead and lips.

𝐙𝐨𝐡𝐚𝐤𝐮𝐭𝐞𝐧

Now, hear me out. While I among many other people see Zohakuten as a child, I've got a more complicated view on it. I see Zohakuten as an adult child if that makes sense. I am comfortable with writing him being married to an adult woman because essentially, he is still an adult, like he has the mental age of an 87 year old man. I can write stuff like kissing and even minor spicy stuff for him but that extends only so far (i.e: him purposely shoving his face into Y/N's breasts like Karaku just to get attention or just very slight groping). I will not go any further than that point. No exceptions. He still physically appears as a child.

— Now, this is a little different. After everyone had calmed down and the wife was wandering elsewhere, they all had gotten the sudden strong urge to fuse. They all realised that Zohakuten wants to have a turn and who could blame him? They just got married and not to mention he rarely ever reveals himself.

— Imagine her surprise when she hears a deep voice – somewhere in the range of Sekido's voice – calling out to her "Woman." and turning around to see a the youngest clone standing there with his arms behind his back.

— Of course, like a good husband, he asked how she fared while he was out on a mission and the usual before respectfully asking for a kiss, however, there was a very faint hint of envy present. She knew he was a tad bit envious of his older counterparts being able to gain her affection at any time of the day or night while he couldn't so of course she couldn't resist him.

"I've missed you..." He mumbles softly before wrapping his arms around his precious wife, reveling the feeling of getting to hold her in his arms even if only for a moment. "I've missed you more, my darling." She coos in return before cupping his small face and placing a soft kiss on his lips. Zohakuten in turn intensified the kiss, his fangs grazing her lower lip as he did so and arms tightening around her waist.

— Believe it or not, this little fella is a certified gentleman. Ignoring what he said to the Love Hashira (💀), this boy is the most gentlemanly after Urami. He's the type to hold your hand like those princes with their princesses to assist you when walking down the stairs.

— I mean, everytime he reveals himself, he greets you with a small bow and a kiss to the back of your palm, idk what more you could want from this little cutie.

— Although, he can be quite vulgar, he tones it down a massive amount when he's around you and is less scornful thanks to the calming effect your presence has on him.

— Do not he surprised when he's simply staring at you with a harsh look as if you've just murdered his main body, that's just him suppressing the urge to kiss you.

"Uhm, d-dear?" The wife calls softly to Zohakuten who's been doing nothing but stare at her with the harshest glare she's ever seen him stare at her with. Zohakuten snaps out of his daze as his expression softens before he hums inquistively. "You've been staring at me like I've just sided with the demon slayers. Is everything, okay?" His eyes then widen slightly before he sighs and shakes his head. "Oh... no. I just simply wish to kiss you, that is all." Her cheeks gained a red tint after that surprisingly blunt and honest confession as she then smiles. "Oh, well... Who am I to say no?"

— Is very honest about what he wants if he's caught. Unlike the other clones – excluding Urami – and the main body, who try to hide what they want, Zohakuten is not shy to admit that he wants your lips against his and he will say that with the straightest face.

— Loves it when you kiss his forehead, it makes him feel all soft inside and he doesn't know why or how.

— Favourite places to kiss are hands, temple and lips.

𝐔𝐫𝐚𝐦𝐢

— His presence alone surprised her even more than Zohakuten, especially when he walked out of the room that Hantengu was in. Urami reveals himself every once in a blue moon due to the fact that he simply wishes not to deal with his younger selves' bickering and monkey business. However, seeing as all the others gained a bit of affection from their wife and that they're newlyweds, he too wished to spend some time with his wife.

— Much like Zohakuten, he's very gentlemanly when it comes to asking for affection from his wife. He respectfully asked if he could hold her and lift her up to his level so he could kiss her properly.

— Hear me out. The best kisser after Karaku. I don't know, he just looks like he has so much experience with women (which he kinda does 😒), like look how massive he is 😳.

She was surprised when a rather large hand gently grabbed her waist to turn her around. "Oh! Hello you!" She greeted happily as she looked up at her massive husband before hugging his legs. He was surprised but allowed it and even picked her up into his arms before kissing her temple. "Yes. I figured why not also be present when the others are gaining your addicting love?" Quite a flirt.

— Urami is surprisingly chill when it comes to kissing yet also really passionate. Like think of just wanting a quick kiss from big ass hubby over there and he picks you up only to give the most leg-shaking casual kiss ever 😫.

— He's quite a flirt. You could almost say he's near Karaku's level just minus to pervert stares, touches and so on. Like, he's the type of "Formal old man dilf" type of flirt and knows how to use his words, he just doesn't do it often due to how rarely he's present and even if he is, he's just mostly quiet (most sane clone).

— Should he ever engage in flirting with you, be prepared to have a face painted red and him drinking blood as if it were tea as he sits there with his most neutral expression.

— I swear, his kisses make you think you're a virgin again with how well he does it. Like, he even uses his fangs to graze your lips and even your tongue softly while also (respectfully) touching you to the point where your legs aren't even jelly, they're straight up water (😏).

Urami felt the familiar grip of his wife's hands on his kimono and knew that he was once again doing a flawless job at making her melt like ice in his arms and he couldn't be more satisfied at that fact as his fangs gently graze her tongue that was being twirled with his as if it were a sort of waltz. "You're doing it again." The tall clone teased before resuming their kiss.

— Holds your face or hands when he's kissing you cuz he's just that guy.

— Favourite places to kiss are hands, neck and forehead.

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transmascissues · 5 months

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i’m getting my drains out tomorrow and i’m sure things will be different after they’re gone, so here’s my observations about top surgery recovery as of 6 days post-op!

(click here for my first post, from 3 days after)

something i forgot to mention in my last post is that if they tell you a medication has to be taken with food, do not fuck with that. absolutely do not. my antibiotic had to be taken with food and on day 2, i thought “well, i just had breakfast not too long ago, surely that’s close enough and i’ll be fine” and my parents agreed, but guess what? i spent the next hour in hell. the meds made me nauseous so i had to eat, but eating still hurt a lot because of the sore throat from being intubated, so trying to make it better just caused me more pain. and both the sore throat and the nausea (which i guess was as much a heartburn sort of situation as it was nausea) were both very chest-adjacent feelings, so that on top of the usual pain and discomfort from surgery was just a perfect storm of horrible things all centralized to one part of my body. it was awful, and i will never fuck around with something like that again. that being said, if you do find yourself in that situation or are just looking for something light that will still do the job because you’re not that hungry, 10/10 would recommend oatmeal and apple sauce. apple sauce is what finally got my body to stop rioting against me and my bad decisions, and after that i started always taking it halfway through a bowl of oatmeal and that worked perfectly.

on day 4, i was able to sit up and get out of bed by myself for the first time! i still can’t do it just by using my core muscles, but if i hold onto my legs and lower them, i can sort of roll myself up into a sitting position without using any of the affected muscles too much.

on day 5, the sore throat from hell that being intubated gave me finally went away! cheers to not gripping my pillow in pain every two seconds while i swallow my spit anymore. it lasted a while, but it honestly went away pretty fast — on day 4 it was a bit better than it had been, and then the next day it was just gone.

also on day 5, i really started to feel the bandages digging into my armpits. i’m not sure if it’s because the bandage has been slipping up over time, if my armpits have some extra swelling now, or if it’s just been wearing my body down over time, but it feels like it’s starting to cut off circulation at a certain point and it makes my arms ache sometimes. that’s probably not great, but the surgeon will be redoing everything at my post-op anyway so i’ve just been riding it out until then. in the meantime, i can tell it’s definitely worse when i’m sitting back and kind of slouched (because that position pushes it up more), so i try to sit up or walk around when i feel it. having pillows on either side of me to put my elbows up on definitely also helps a lot — that’s how i’ve been sleeping, but it would be good for just sitting too.

also also on day 5, i started getting this weird fluttery feeling in the spot where the left side of my chest and the meat of my left armpit connect. it feels like it’s probably some sort of muscle spasm. it’s not painful at all, but i honestly wish it was because it’s just super weird and uncomfortable instead and i hate it. it genuinely might be my least favorite out of any pains or sensations i’ve had so far. luckily, though, it seems like it’s already died down and only happened a couple times today.

my energy has been all over the place. i’m at the point now where mentally i’m much closer to my normal state so i’m once again having the adhd urge to constantly do stuff, but my body’s ability to keep up is far less consistent. sometimes i get restless and can just get up and pace around for a while, but other times i try to do that and get really quickly exhausted. i’m definitely more able to have conversations and feel more like myself now though, even when my body is tired out.

i’ve been thirsty as all hell the past few days. i feel like i’m constantly asking my boyfriend to refill my water for me because i drain it so fast. it’s a very specific kind of thirst, too — like it never quite goes away even when i’m definitely very thoroughly hydrated, and like anything but water can’t even touch it. it’s not a bad thing, getting lots of fluids after surgery is important and i wouldn’t be surprised if that’s exactly why my body is doing it, but it is a bit frustrating to just be incessantly thirsty for days at a time.

my walking posture is getting straighter every day. i still have to hold my chest to walk because of the bandage feeling like it drags things down, but if i’m walking with my mastectomy pillow, it mostly just looks like a typical slouch and not the deep hunch i started with.

at this point, my chest is super sensitive to any kind of movement, and that’s the other thing the pillow has been really good for at this stage. if the bandage shifts at all, if my body moves at all, basically anything — i feel it all in my chest really intensely. it’s not always painful, but it isn’t comfortable either. holding the pillow to my chest helps stabilize things so the movement doesn’t reach the sensitive parts as much, which is really great.

walking up stairs is easier than walking down stairs, which is the exact opposite of what i would’ve guessed. from what i can tell just from moving around, i think it’s because bending your legs up to a higher step pretty solidly relies on your legs and lower core muscles to make it happen, while reaching your legs down to a lower step requires stretching your body out (which is famously not your body’s favorite thing to do after top surgery). it often feels like i almost can’t reach the step below and have to just barely catch it with the balls of my feet. it’s also just generally been good to take the stairs super slow going up or down because you really can’t use the railing — putting enough weight on it to really rely on it at all requires using chest muscles, so the best i’ve been able to do is just rest my hand on it in case of emergency (because i’d rather hurt my chest than crack my head open if it comes to that).

one of the things that makes the stairs hard is that my center of balance is off from hunching, and that definitely affects my walking too. it’s less pronounced now that i’m in the habit of using the pillow to walk straighter, but i have to take shorter strides and sort of shuffle around because longer strides need better balance, and even with the shuffle i’m stumbling more than usual. i already have some balance problems so i’m pretty used to the feeling of it, but it has freaked my parents out a couple times to see me start listing to one side before i catch myself.

fuck reflexes. reflexes are the actual worst. something i didn’t anticipate is that no matter how careful you are to not reach your arms too far or move them too fast, you can never totally account for what you do if something starts falling. a few times now, i’ve definitely reached too far or fast before stopping myself because i saw something about to go down and my brain instinctively told my hands to catch it. i’m not sure if there’s anything you can really do about that, but it’s worth being aware of because it caught me by surprise the first time i did it.

one side of my chest has been consistently more swollen than the other. that side has also consistently drained less, and the fluid it does drain is darker and redder. we asked my surgeon if that was normal and she said there’s almost always one side that drains more than the other, but it’s still something we’ve been keeping an eye on. hopefully i’ll be able to get a more concrete answer at my post-op, once she can see the swelling up close and look at the drainage numbers from the past week.

as i’ve been getting some use of my body back, the pain in my chest has gotten a bit more obvious. it’s milder pain, and when i’m not doing anything it’s mostly painless to the point where i’m going a lot longer between tylenol doses, but when i’m using my body, i can definitely feel it. the fact that i’m not avoiding physical activity like the plague as much means i’m noticing more pain even though objectively my pain levels have gone down — the things that hurt now didn’t hurt less before, i just didn’t even attempt them before because i knew they would hurt so much. now that the pain is down, i can try more things, which means i’m more likely to try something that ends up hurting. of course, you should always try to follow the if-it-hurts-then-stop rule, but you can’t avoid the pain altogether as you learn your body’s boundaries, so i ended up getting to a point where getting better feels like getting worse.

on that note, i’ve also learned that there’s a pretty distinct difference between milder “i should proceed with caution” pain and intense “stop what you’re doing right now” pain. as much as avoiding things that hurt is ideal, it’s not always realistic, but my body has definitely been very clear in telling me what i can and can’t compromise on. in the beginning i was really paranoid about doing anything that caused any pain at all, but now i’m more familiar with where i can push a bit further if needed and where i really need to hold off.

i’ve been getting chills much more easily lately, and they’ve also been SUPER strong. i’ll be watching a show or listening to music and something will give me chills, and it’s a really intense feeling all across my ribs, and even thinking about the thing that caused it brings on a whole new wave. i’m super curious to see if it’s just a temporary result of my nerves doing their thing or if it’ll stick around long-term. it’s not unpleasant at all, i honestly really like it.

i got some food for myself for the first time today (day 6) and it just involved slicing some pretty soft cheese, but wow, it was a workout for my shoulder. i’m guessing it’s because i haven’t really used my muscles in that way for a week, and because not being able to use my chest muscles means i was relying on my shoulder a lot more to do all the work of moving my arm. by the time i was done, just holding the block of cheese to put it back in the fridge felt like lifting weights.

i didn’t change my shirt the first few days but i’ve changed a few times now, and we’ve perfected the art of getting a button up shirt on me without overreaching my arms at all. basically, you want to put both arms into the sleeves before you lift the shirt up onto your shoulders, because once the shirt is on one shoulder, you have to reach back a lot farther to get to the other sleeve. once you have both arms in, you can lift it onto your shoulders and button it. ideally, whoever’s helping you should do most of the work to pull the sleeves over your arms so you don’t have to stretch your arm out to get them on. i’m sure that’ll be overkill once i have a bit more mobility, but for now, it works great. it definitely would be tough if the shirt was fitted though, so i’m glad i went up a size.

i hope my posts like this have been helpful, or at least interesting to read! i’ll definitely keep updating as time goes on and things change, and i’m also going to work on a breakdown of my experience at the hospital pre- and post-op, as well as my post-op appointment experience once that happens tomorrow.

y’all are getting the good, the bad, and the ugly of my recovery experience. i know a lot of this has been very focused on the bad and the ugly so far because surgery is generally rough, but i’m going to see my chest again tomorrow so stay tuned for some good!

#bet you weren’t expecting an even longer post than my last one #i just have so much to say about this whole experience #i want to document EVERYTHING especially the stuff i haven’t seen other people mention #top surgery adventures #top surgery #trans man #transmasc

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presidentlokis-hornyhelmet · 11 months

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Cockroach!

Pavitr Prabhakar x f!reader

Summary: Reader is scared of roaches and accidentally finds one in the bathroom. Pavitr saves her + fluff <3 [used Google translate for Hindi words, sorry if it's wrong 😅] My boi has so less fics so i decided to do one myself '^_^ A/N: "N/n" means nickname

"Paviiiiiii beta!", Maya auntie calls from the kitchen. "Can you please get the door? I'm busy."

"I got it, aunite!"

Pavitr opens the door to none other than his best friend and partner-in-crime, Y/n.

"Hey, N/n!", he pulls you into an embrace. You smile and return the sentiment, nuzzling his cheek before pulling away.

You remove your shoes outside and step in, as is custom in India, greeted with a playful pinch to your cheek by Maya auntie herself. You giggle. She was like a mother to you and you loved her as such.

"My beti, I haven't seen you in a week! How was your vacation?"

"It wasn't great without you, auntie. We just got home and I came to see you right away!"

"Suck up, suck up", mutters Pavitr in the background, gaining a playful slap to his head -courtesy of you.

"Did you do your exams well? I didn't have a chance to ask you before you left."

"I think I'll get an 'A', thanks to Pavitr's tutoring."

You watch him perk up out of the corner of your eyes as your praise.

The boy in question puffs out his chest, showing off his biceps from where he's leaning on the kitchen door frame. "Have no fear, Pavitr is here!"

You cup your mouth, laughing at his antics as Maya auntie playfully shakes her head in exasperation.

"Pavu can be like that sometimes", she chuckles, leaning into your ear in a stage whisper, "He missed you a lot, you know. Never shuts up about you. And, you know, beti, I keep asking him to already tell you but-"

"AUNTIE!"

You both blush as Pavitr hushes the old woman. She just winks at you. Of course, she knows.

The awkwardness is too much and Pavitr takes your hand, leading you into his room.

"Okay okay, enough talk, ladies. Y/n and I have some work to do -for a project!", he adds quickly when Maya auntie smirks at him. "I.. that-..auntie!"

She just giggles and ruffles his hair before walking back to the kitchen, leaving you both standing awkwardly next to each other, flustered.

Pavitr clears his throat. "She.. she was just kidding, I didn't-"

"It's okay", you say shyly.

You have feelings for him too but both of you are just too timid and would rather take it to your grave than admit it out loud.

He falls onto his bed and crosses one leg over the other, resting his head on his elbows as you sit next to him.

"So, what has my favourite person been upto in the meantime, leaving me all alone in this big, big city?"

You playfully roll your eyes. Dramatic little shit.

"You? Alone? Liar, the whole city is your friend."

He pouts, trying to look offended, but gives in and laughs.

You discuss about your project and he shows you some beta models of his brilliant ideas. You stare in awe at the young genius before you, playing with his "toys" as he explains them patiently.

"Hey, can I use your bathroom for a sec?", you ask when he finishes.

"Sure. Make yourself at home, N/n! I'll go sneak us some snacks", he winks, peeking from outside his door.

You shake your head, smiling. It's not that Maya auntie would refuse you snacks, but Pavitr convinced you there was a thrill in food-stealing and you couldn't deny it.

You shut the door, switch on the light and turn to the sink to wash your face when there it is -the thing that you most fear, the monster of your nightmares -a cockroach!

You scream bloody murder and run out of the bathroom, colliding into a hard wall. You look up realising it's actually Pavitr.

"You okay, N/n?"

"R-roach! Roach!", you point at the bathroom door frantically.

You stay in the corner as he goes in and stomps it dead, washing his hands before he comes to hug you.

"Deep breaths, deep breaths.. now exhale.. that's it.."

You cling onto him and follow his orders, grip loosing as your breathing slows down. His hand circle your waist, holding you firm and secure. You rest your head on his chest, calming down at the rhythmic beat of his heart.

You only belatedly realize it: you're hugging him, your chests touching each other's.

He seems to realizes it at the same time too, but instead of letting you go -like every other time- his hands tighten around your waist.

Pavitr catches your eyes with his own mesmerizing brown eyes; yours unable to leave him, entranced by his orbs as he slowly, gently leans in. Without noticing, you lean in too.

The gentle touch of soft lips spark fireworks in your body, your nerves tingling with the new feeling of his lips on yours. You could get used to this.

You panick a little it registers what you're doing, but Pavitr chases your lips, pressing against them firmly and you instantly calm down. He cups your face, cradling your neck as he brings your lips closer. It's his way of reassuring that you have nothing to fear.

"Hope I'm not interrupting anything."

You guys jump back as if burned when the door suddenly flies open. Maya auntie is standing there with a guiless face and a bright smile.

"I brought chai for you kids!", she says cheerfully and sets down the cups. "Did you hear that scream earlier? Where did it come from?"

"It, uh, it was me, auntie", you say, quite embarresed, running a hand through your matted up hair. "There was a cockroach in the bathroom and I got scared."

"Aww, poor child."

Pavitr looks away, blush blooming on his cheeks yet not obvious due to his skin tone. He rocks on his heels, running a hand through his hair. You know he too can still feel your lips on his from the way his eyes never leave you.

Maya auntie's eyes sparkle mischievously as she smiles and goes into the bathroom, finding the toy roach and throwing it into the trash can.

She smirks under her breath and washes her hands, sighing as she mutters in amusement.

"Oh, the things an old lady gotta do.."

_________

Reblogs and comments feed my fic dragon <3

#pavitr prabhakar #atsv pavitr #pavitr my beloved #pavitr x you #pavitr x reader #spiderverse #pavitr imagine #pavitr x female reader

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foliosriot · 4 months

Text

You’d Be Better Off On Your Own — Pt. 2

pairing: nicholas ruffilo x reader

warnings: mentions of alcohol and its consumption. some gaslighting and manipulation. dakota being a fucking dick. bad omens being the best friends you could ever ask for.

tags: @concretenoah @malice-ov-mercy @circle-with-me @somewhere-diamond @iknownothingpeople

masterlist. part 1.

God, this was such a bad idea. You knew it was an awful idea the moment Nick suggested it, the moment he had spoken it into existence. But alas, here you are, and you’re nowhere near prepared.

It was two days after you caught Dakota cheating when he finally came back around. You almost hadn’t let him into your apartment, but, remembering the look in Nick’s eyes when you had admitted to him how badly you needed to break up with your boyfriend, you found the strength to choke back the bitter taste in your mouth at Dakota’s presence.

But you’d allowed him entry and listened to his half-assed apology anyways. You hadn’t forgiven him or anything close in relation to the word. Instead, you had told him you appreciated the apology but you needed a few more days to yourself. You saw the grimace of anger all over Dakota’s face for just a moment before he accepted.

That night, he left you with a kiss to the cheek and a sickening feeling in your stomach.

Now, here you are, four days later. You’re at a bar with Nick and the rest of Bad Omens, plus Bryan, Matt, and Jesse. You had decided today was the day you are finally ending things with Dakota. Nick stated how proud he is of you and had been more than willing to gather the guys in support of this endeavor.

However, you had made sure to confirm Dakota’s attendance before even mentioning it to Nick. And thankfully you were able to get Dakota to agree to come, despite how much he dislikes your friends.

And that’s all you’re waiting for now.

You’re anxiously watching the guys switch off in a game of pool as you keep one eye on the front entrance of the bar. Dakota should be here by now. What is taking your boyfriend so long? Well, soon to be ex-boyfriend, that is.

As you glance back over to the door for the thousandth time, you’re suddenly thankful that the bar is relatively busy tonight. That way, Dakota will be less likely to cause a scene when you inevitably break up with him.

“Hey.”

You swivel your head to see Nick standing on the other side of the table you had claimed at the beginning of the night. He’s pulled his long hair up into a bun, and his skin a warm bronze in the lowlight of the bar. You make a mental note that he’s taken off his flannel and tied it around his waist since playing pool, which leaves his tattoos on full display. And you hate how momentarily speechless you are by his appearance.

“Oh. Hey.”

“You okay?” he asks.

You nod, swallowing thickly. “Yeah. I’m fine,” you lie. “Just watching for Dakota.”

Nick looks at the door, his eyes lingering in its direction for a few moments before he’s looking back at you.

“He’ll be here,” he assures you. “In the meantime, come play a round with us. Get rid of some of your anxiety.”

You roll your eyes, and take a not-so subtle final glance at the bar door as you consider his words. Then you’re pushing yourself out of your chair and standing in front of Nick. The lights reflecting in his eyes almost look like stars when you’re face to face with him, and it has the breath catching in your throat.

To set aside the unexpected fluttering in your chest you shove at Nick’s shoulder to get him to move. He stumbles a bit but not without smiling widely at you. You smile back at him as you follow him to the pool table.

Jolly and Bryan holler happily as you approach. Jesse comes up next to you, pushing Nick out of his way, and gives you an extra glass that he had in his grasp. You take it with a smile as he throws his arm over your shoulders. He clinks the two glasses together before downing the contents of his drink, you following suit.

You almost gag at the taste of tequila. Jesse knows how much you hate tequila. But you can’t find it in yourself to be mad at him, especially with that contagious smile on his face and the warmth in his eyes as he looks over at you. You sigh slightly as you smile at him.

Then he’s pulling you into a hug, both arms wrapped securely around you as he sways back and forth.

“You’ve got this,” he says in your ear. “We’re all rootin’ for ya.”

And you’d be lying if you said you didn’t almost break down in tears at your friend’s words. You take a deep breath, breathing in Jesse’s cologne, and murmur a thank you before pulling away. He’s still smiling as he takes your empty glass and walks away.

When Jesse steps away Folio rounds the pool table and shoves one of the cues into your hands.

“You’re up,” he tells you plainly. “Noah and Matt are winning and you know we can’t have that, so get your ass in there and win this shit for us.”

You roll your eyes. “And what makes you think I’ll win against them?” you question him while chalking up the cue.

“Dude, I don’t know, you tell me.”

“Wow, your faith in me is truly unwavering.”

“Just fucking go!” Folio pushes you closer to the table, snatching the chalk from you. “We’re stripes so don’t fuck this up.”

Throwing your middle finger up at him, you finally turn back to the green felt top. And with just a cursory glance you assume there to be about three or four of each type of ball, then the eight and the white. So you walk over to where the white ball sits and angle the cue just so in order to strike the yellow stripe that, if you hit it just right, will fly into the adjacent pocket.

You line up your shot. You draw in a long intake of breath and…

The loud clacking of the pool balls echoes in your skull as you stand up straight. And see, just as you had predicted, the yellow stripe is sliding into the pocket right next to Bryan.

Your friends all clap at your victory. An embarrassed blush heats up your face at their attention, so you give a quick mock curtsey before you’re giving the cue back to Folio and stepping towards Nick.

And Nick is watching you closely as you walk up beside him. He’s leaning against the wall, a small smile gracing his face. His stormy eyes look nearly black.

“Good job, honeybee,” he praises you.

“Thank you,” you murmur. You prop yourself beside him at the wall. “I think that shot of tequila Jesse gave me was truly the thing I needed.”

Nick bumps your shoulder with his. “A little bit of liquid courage never hurt, right?”

You look over at Nick to see him staring intently at you. For a few moments, you trace the lines and structure of his face with your eyes, committing each feature to memory. But you know him like the back of your hand, so why is it necessary for you to memorize this all over again? You don’t care, though. You can feel the tequila softly buzzing in your stomach, the sensation both warm and nauseating as you keep your eyes on Nick.

Your lips part slightly as you’re readying to say something, but the words die on your tongue when you see Nick’s gaze quickly dart down to your mouth. He lingers there for one second, two, three—

A hint of movement catches your attention from the corner of your eye. You turn your head to look that way, and your heart squeezes at the sight of Dakota entering the bar. You stop breathing as you watch him look around before catching sight of you on the opposite end of the building. He starts making his way towards you.

“N-Nick, he’s here,” you whisper. You look back at Nick to see him already following Dakota’s movements. His eyes are cold and swirling with malice. “Nicky—“

“I see him.”

Nick’s tone is flat when he speaks. He slips his hand into yours without looking away from Dakota. He gives a gentle squeeze, and you’re suddenly dizzy.

And just like that, Dakota is finally here, only a few feet away from you and Nick. His eyes drag across all of your friends before stopping on you. And where you’re still holding hands with your best friend. The sight makes Dakota snort.

“Come on, man, holding hands with my girl the moment I show up?” Dakota tsks at Nick. “That’s pretty bold, don’t you think?”

Nick says nothing. You can feel the tension growing between him and Dakota, and you know you need to stamp it out before either of them make a move.

You release your hand from Nick’s grip, then hesitantly approach your boyfriend. The rest of your friends have paused their game and are all watching Dakota closely and carefully, waiting for him to step out of line. And just by looking at him you can’t tell if he’s intimidated by their presence or not. His face is vacant of all emotion and his eyes look hollow.

With a light hand on his arm, you guide Dakota over to the table you had previously been sitting at. You both take a seat, and you chance a look over at Nick, hoping to feel a little surer in this moment.

And there he is, watching from his spot against the wall, hidden at Dakota’s back so he won’t be seen.

You give him a tiny smile before you’re turning your attention to the man sitting across from you at the circular wooden table.

“What are you doing, inviting me here?” Dakota asks bitterly before you have a chance to speak. “If you wanted to hang out we coulda stayed at your place or something.”

His words feel harsh as you process them. It’s almost painful to witness, the way he seems so bored and angry simultaneously. But you try not to let any of it bother you.

“I wanted to be with my other friends too,” you explain simply. “My apartment is too small to fit all of us.”

Dakota considers your response for just a moment before he shrugs. Then he’s fixing his dull eyes on you, and your anxiety is spiking from the way he’s looking at you. You’re growing more and more uncomfortable by the second, and you need to get this over and done with.

“Dakota, look, I-I invited you tonight because…”

You trail off as you anxiously look around the room. That is, until you find yourself staring at Nick from where he’s still leaning against the wall. But he isn’t watching you at this very moment. Instead, you watch as he laughs and smiles at something one of the guys must have said. The warmth that radiates from him calms you down enough to get through this.

“I invited you because I have something I wanted to tell you.”

There’s a flash of panic in Dakota’s eyes, but it quickly vanishes when he gazes at you expectantly.

Deep breath in.

And out.

“I’m breaking up with you.”

Dakota doesn’t react at first. You feel your heart pounding inside your chest, beating faster and faster as the silence between you stretches on. You look back over at your friends and see Nick still isn’t watching your interaction with Dakota. At least not until Jolly catches your eye and immediately alerts Nick, who whips around. Your friends all gather to watch Dakota’s reaction.

“You’re breaking up with me?”

Dakota’s voice is dangerously low. It has your racing heart skyrocket into your throat, and you wish you could just shrink and disappear.

You gnaw on your lip before saying in a quiet tone, “Uh, y-yeah. I’m breaking up with you.”

His following laugh sends a leaden spike through your chest. It’s nauseating to hear that bitter and awful laugh resonate in your ears, even though you’ve heard it countless times throughout the years. But it still has you reacting the same: curling in on yourself as you fight back the impending doom of tears.

“God, you’ve gotta be fucking kidding me,” Dakota chortles, a sinister grin on his face. “Is this because of the texts you saw? The texts you took out of context? Jesus, babe, I told you I was sorry, didn’t I? It’s pathetic for you to act like this after I apologized.”

Your eyes are burning with unshed tears.

You don’t respond.

He laughs again.

“I told you I’m sorry,” he continues. “And you still have the audacity to break up with me. How long have we been together, by the way? This has never happened before and yet you want to end things between us when you know I love you. I’ve been by your side since high school but you think a couple of texts will be the deciding factor—“

Yeah, this was an awful idea, you think to yourself as you tune out Dakota’s voice. This was such a bad idea.

A few tears have fallen since he started talking. Each word is laced with venom and manipulation and you can practically hear your heart giving in to the gaslighting you have suffered from for so long. Tonight could not have gone any worse.

But then there’s someone stepping in between yours and Dakota’s chairs. You blink away your tears and look up to see Nick standing there. Relief begins filtering into your veins at his sudden intervention. And you can’t help but inch closer to him.

“Alright, that’s enough. You need to leave,” Nick says to Dakota.

“Leave? Nah, I’m not going anywhere until my girlfriend is coming home with me,” Dakota counters as he stands from his own chair.

“Did you miss the part where she dumped you?” Nick fires back.

Dakota scoffs. “She didn’t mean that. Did you, babe?”

You cringe at the pet name, the sound of it rolling off of Dakota’s tongue like gravel against your senses. And yet, part of you wants to acknowledge and agree with him. Because surely you didn’t really mean what you said about breaking up with him. Right?

But you did. You truly, wholeheartedly meant it.

You stay quiet.

“I think she meant it, man,” Nick says. He reaches behind until his hand collides with your head, and he blindly cradles the back of your skull. “Which means you need to leave before you cause a scene.”

“I said I’m not leaving without her,” Dakota spits. His voice is rising in volume, and, looking around Nick, you see all of your friends have abandoned the pool game completely and are watching this play out. They all look royally pissed off. “So why don’t you step aside and let me take her home, and we won’t cause a fucking scene.”

“No. She’s not going anywhere with you.”

Dakota takes a half step closer to Nick. However, you also watch as Noah and Matt move in a little closer as well.

“Yeah? Then why doesn’t she tell me herself, dick?”

You don’t like how Dakota is talking to Nick. The anger and resentment you have felt for so long is finally all bubbling to the surface. You can’t take the berating and obvious jealousy that is permeating from Dakota. So you get to your feet from behind Nick, thus catching the eyes of all involved parties. You straighten your spine as you press yourself into Nick. His hand slides down to the small of your back.

“I’m not going anywhere with you ever again, Dakota,” you state, swallowing back the tears stinging your eyes and throat. “I meant what I said. We’re done.”

Dakota’s face contorts with rage. He makes a move towards Nick but Noah and Matt are already right behind him. You see him glare at Nick for a few prolonged seconds before he’s turning his fiery gaze onto you.

Dakota doesn’t stay much longer after that. With the presence of Noah and Matt looming over him he finally backs away. But he doesn’t leave without at least one more attempt at a scathing remark.

“Fuck you, bitch,” he barks at you. “You just wanted me gone so you’d have an excuse to fuck these assholes, huh? Well, don’t come crying back to me when they can’t satisfy you like you know only I can.”

Nick is the one to make a move forward then, and he only stops when you tug on his arm with both of your hands. His face is a steel canvas of rage as he stares down Dakota. Thankfully, Noah is the one to say something before anyone could throw a punch.

“Get the fuck out of here, dude,” he tells Dakota. “This is just getting pathetic.”

Dakota looks somewhat taken aback by Noah’s words, but he does listen. He takes one more look at all of your friends, spits on the floor, and stomps out of the bar.

Once Dakota has disappeared beyond the entrance to the bar, it’s almost like your heart gives out. The once rampant beating of the muscle is suddenly sluggish and near non-existent as you finally begin shaking from beside Nick. Tears are now steadily streaming down your cheeks and your lungs feel shriveled from inside the confines of your chest. At the quiet sound of you wheezing Nick turns to you.

Your vision is blurry from tears but you feel the warmth of Nick’s hands cradling either side of your face. His thumbs swipe gently at your cheekbones, your own hands clutching at his wrists.

“Honeybee.” Nick’s breath ghosts over your face. “Hey, I need you to look at me.”

It’s a struggle at first but you’re able to blink away the tears clinging to your eyelashes so you can look at your best friend. And there he is, his pale eyes staring back at you with a glaze of worry covering them.

“Oh, there she is,” he says softly. “How are you feeling? You okay?”

You blink a couple more times before you respond.

“I-I’m okay,” you tell him honestly.

“You sure?”

You nod. “Yeah. It’s just … a lot to process at the moment,” you say with a halfhearted chuckle.

Nick huffs out a laugh. His breath is tickling your chin and that dizzying feeling from earlier is settling in again. You feel as light as a feather as you stare back at Nick; your head is spinning, but not in a bad way you suppose. It’s just different.

The two of you remain in silence for a bit longer. You can tell that you’ve finished crying for the time being, and you hardly think about how much of a mess you must look to the bar’s other patrons. There’s little time to think when Nick is still stroking your face with a delicate touch and successfully distracting you from any other disruption.

You’re sure he could feel this weight lifting off of your shoulders.

You lean forward to rest your forehead against Nick’s. At the contact you hear him sigh quietly. You’re still shaking as you remain in that position for a bit longer.

But your heart is suddenly racing again and you don’t understand why. And Nick’s hands are burning your flesh like brands with the way he is holding your face so delicately. You can feel a panic attack approaching for no apparent reason, but the tequila in your digestive tract feels warm and bubbly and distracts you from the panic and anxiety you’re experiencing.

Now, you think you may be slightly delirious. Especially with the way you can’t seem to tear your eyes away from Nick’s lips and the way they’re open partially as he relishes in the quiet between you. But you are going to let yourself indulge in the delirium for a moment more.

With your thumbs grazing his pulse point at his wrists, you lean further into Nick. You see his eyes fly open when you are but a fraction of an inch away from connecting your mouths. His breath is scalding hot.

If either of you spoke your lips would meet, and that prospect has the delirium making your head hazy. And you don’t see the harm in it as you close the minute distance.

Nick doesn’t react right away. But then you’re pressing your body into his and your hands are journeying down to his elbows and he just can’t help himself.

You weren’t expecting this ravenous side of your best friend, but you can’t deny you like it. Because god, you fucking love the sensation of his lips against yours and the way his grip on your face tightens. You love the graze of his stubble rubbing into your chin and how addictive the taste of him is.

But then, as fast as it started, it’s ending. Nick pulls away from you very slowly, his breathing heavy.

“Honeybee, I…”

You impatiently wait for him to go on.

“I don’t think we should do this right now,” he finally tells you with a reverent voice. Like you’re the only two people in this entire bar.

“Why?” you counter just as softly.

“It’s not a good idea.”

“But Nicky—“

“No. As much—“ Tears are pricking your eyes once more at the sudden hardening of Nick’s voice, though it remains quiet. “As much as I want to, we can’t, okay? At least not right now. I’m not gonna take advantage of you like that.”

Your heart is shattering for the second time in the span of an hour. You didn’t think any form of rejection from Nick would hurt so bad. But you’re suffering more than you would have ever anticipated.

“Honeybee, please,” Nick continues. The hardness has left his voice, and has been replaced by something akin to pleading. “I need you to understand that I want to keep doing this. I want to fix everything that Dakota broke. But you need time to heal and time to recover from what he did to you. I’ll help you in whatever ways I can, but not like this. Not yet. Okay?”

A few tears escape your eyes. And Nick immediately wipes them away.

You feel awful. Why did you kiss him? Why did you kiss your best friend right after breaking up with your long term boyfriend? That was the worst possible thing you could have done.

But you wanted to. You can’t get over just how badly you had wanted to do so. It was so visceral and so overwhelming, you had needed to act on it.

And yet, you know Nick is right. You can’t do this right now. You need to heal and fix what is damaged because of Dakota. There is much to do after so many years of being with him, but you know Nick is always going to be there for you no matter what. The thought has a wave of relief overtaking you.

“Okay,” you whisper.

“Okay. Let’s get you home now.”

So you let Nick take you home. But not before each and every one of your friends embraces you in individual hugs and showering you with praise on how brave and strong you are for leaving Dakota. Their words fill your heart with love and gratitude.

You settle into the passenger seat of Nick’s car and watch the scenery pass by through the window. Your eyes flutter shut at some point, exhaustion creeping in after such a harrowing evening.

Then, some time later, you wake up to find yourself curled up in bed. Your bedroom door is ajar, and there’s light and sound coming from the living room. You don’t have to guess in order to know who’s in your apartment with you. A soft smile graces your face.

You’re able to turn over and go back to sleep with the reminder of Nick watching over and protecting you.

thank you for reading! hope you enjoyed! likes and reblogs are very much appreciated <3

a/n: idk guys what do we think about a part 3? cuz i myself have no idea and would love some feedback thank youuu

#nicholas ruffilo #nicholas ruffilo fanfiction #nicholas ruffilo fanfic #nicholas ruffilo fic #nick ruffilo fanfiction #nick ruffilo #nick ruffilo fic #bad omens #bad omens fanfic #bad omens fanfiction #bad omens fic #nicholas ruffilo x reader #nick ruffilo x reader #𖤐 #𖤐: writing

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romanestuffsposts · 8 months

Note

I'm scared, first day of school is today and I have a whole new class with people I don't know and my anxiety is really bad now :( I didn't even sleep for more than 4 hours :((

Hi there love! 💜

I’m so sorry you feel that way about your new class! For me the first days in a new year at school is really important because it’ll determinate your whole year so it’s really unfair you feel that!

I know the feelings, two years ago I was the only « old » one with just new people and all my friends from the years before were in another class. I felt like it was really unfair and I felt so much uncomfortable thinking it was on purpose. But I met new people and I create a new group of friends quickly!

I’m really sure you’ll be fine, you just need to know them and see that as a way to make new friends!

But in the meantime, do not worry! I’ve got you ❤️

Hi there love! 💜

I’m so sorry you felt so much anxiety and stress for your first day but you did it! You took all the strength you had and you still went! That’s really fantastic and I’m so proud of you for doing that!

School is really important and even if it’s not a safe place for everyone, we sadly have to go.. I’m just so proud of you for getting there beside all the awful feelings you had on you and for fighting through your day there!!

You’re so so strong let me tell you! I know when we’re feeling shitty things like those we don’t feel strong at all, it’s completely the opposite but I’m telling you, you are the strongest because you fought your feelings and show them who decided. AND IT’S NOT THEM!

****

Warnings : stressful, first day at school, scared of disappointing, reassurance, cries, pet names, comfort,

Pairings : Daddies!Stucky ; Daddy!Bucky x Papa!Steve x Little!Reader

Summary : A new day at school means that nothign will be easy

A/N : i decided to write those two requests as soon as I saw it in my ask not only because I see myself in the requests but because it’s a new year at school for many people and I feel like maybe others would need comfort about that 💜

****

"princess" your Papa calls. Your eyes are glued to entrance of the school, eyeing all the students around who laugh, speak, read or are on their phone.

It's not a world for you. You're perfectly fine at home with your Daddies and your plushies.

"princess" he calls again causing you to finally turn your attention to him. He tilts his head and smiles "don't stress baby. You'll be perfectly fine! I'm sure you'll make lots of new friends and you'll have so much fun with them"

"Papa's right, baby girl" your Daddy said "school can be boring but when you have a good group of friends who mess around, it's really funny"

Steve glares at his husband and slap the back of his head causing this one to groan "stop putting stupid idea in her head. She's too smart for those kind of things"

"okay okay" Bucky glares as he strokes the back of his head. He turns back to you, his glare changing into a grin as he winks at you. This cause you to smile a bit and relieve some of your stress.

"what if i don't know anyone ?" you shyly ask in a low voice. Your eyes full of fear and worries meet your Daddies's as theirs soften from your words.

They know you're scared of the unknow. And a new day at school is nothing less than an unknow day so of course they knew it'll be scary and not easy for you.

"i'm sure you'll make friends quickly because you have the most kind heart baby. You're shiny, people will want to come an talk to you because from afar we see how lovely and kind you are" your Daddy says, his hand stroking your knee for comfort.

"they will love you, not because of us but because of you" your Papa adds with a loving smile "even our friends love you more than us now that they met you" he teases making you giggle a little "so i'm not worried for that" he quickly adds in a serious but kind tone

"and you shouldn't be either"

You take a breath and nod your head. You get ready to go out of the car but your Papa stops you right before you open the door "you'll be home quicklier than you think" he reassures

And he was right, the day went really fast and before you know it, you were back home "now come sit down and explain to us your day" your Papa says right after he closed the front door.

Your put your coat on the wall and slide out of your shoes and socket, you put them against the wall, beside the others, and make your way toward the couch. You get comfy and wait for your Daddies to join you.

Your Daddy comes back with hot chocolates in his hands, he hands you one, telling you to be careful because it's still hot. Your Papa comes back a little after him with your favorite snacks in his hands. He puts them all in the middle of the couch so everyone can serve themselves easily before sitting down.

"whenever you're ready, beautiful" your Daddy says as he takes a sip of his chocolate. You take one too to prepare yourself, you close your eyes at the perfect taste.

You explain to them how stressful the day actually was. Some students came to talk to you but you were too stress to get a word out of your mouth. You were scared they would called you weird weither it's in their mind or not as they leave because you didn't answered them.

You ate alone which made you want to cry because your Daddies prepared you extra carotts to share with your new friends but you had no one to share it with. You were also sad because you didn't wanted to disappoint them by not making friends to share your meal with.

You quickly started to cried on the couch while explaining. Your Daddies were quick to throw away the things that were around you and to wrap their arms around you.

They rocked you from side to side as you cried your little heart out "shhhh it's okay baby. It was the first day and people are always shy on the first day. There are probably many students who wanted to come to you but were too shy to actually come" your Papa reassures as his hand stroke your back

"Let a few days passed and when people will get more comfortable, they'll come talk to you"

"And we're not disappointed at all princess. We're so proud of you for getting through the days even tho you were feeling like this. You made it 'til the end of this hard day and we are so so proud of you for that! You're super strong"

"a lot stronger than us"

"aww shhh babygirl, Daddies's got you"

"Cry all your little feelings out, we're not going anywhere."

"You stay in our arms for as long as you need"

"we're here with you"

"forever and always"

A few days later, you came back home from school and it was the first time you had a big smile on your face. You explain to your Daddies that you met this girl who had extra tomatos for lunch to share with friends.

And she asked you to share it.

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stargazer-sims · 3 months

Text

The More Things Change...

... the more they stay the same.

Victor and Yuri have grown a lot since their early days together, but no matter how much time passes, some things remain as consistent as ever.

Yuri matured significantly and managed to conquer his paralyzing self-doubt. He runs his own successful communications firm now and is well respected in the business community. But, he still dissolves into a sad little puddle and demands all the attention when he's not feeling well.

As for Victor, he's still working at the hospital and he continues feeling fulfilled by his profession. He likes caring for all his patients and makes their comfort his priority, but the patient who'll always be first on his list of priorities is the clingy and still impossibly cute one he has at home.

Yuri: I’m sorry I’m ruining your day off. I know you wanted to go biking with Davey and Lindsey, but now you’re stuck with me instead.

Victor: I’d rather be stuck with you than with anybody else.

Yuri: Not when I’m ill.

Victor: Any time, no matter what. You know that.

Yuri: I feel bad that you’re missing your adventure because of me.

Victor: It’s okay. The mountain bike trails aren’t about to disappear, and the weather will probably be warm enough for a few more weeks. I’ll have other chances to go.

Yuri: I wish I wasn’t so anxious about being alone. Otherwise, you could’ve gone anyway.

Victor: Honestly, I’m anxious about you being alone when you’re sick, too. Even if you didn’t mind, I don’t think I could’ve just left you.

Yuri: I need you.

Victor: I know.

Yuri: You make it better. I know that probably sounds like a silly thing to say since you can't actually make it hurt less, but you just... make it better. I don't know how to explain it.

Victor: It’s all right. You don’t have to explain anything.

Yuri: Stay close to me. Please.

Victor: I'm here.

Yuri: I was doing so well for so long, but I suppose this was inevitable. They don't call it a chronic illness for no reason, do they?

Victor: I'll take care of you. Don't worry.

Yuri: I know you will, but that doesn't stop me from wishing this wasn't happening.

Victor: Do you think you’d be more comfortable in bed? I can go upstairs with you and we can cuddle for a while if you want. Maybe I could give you a belly rub.

Yuri: I’d really like a belly rub, but I’m not certain I can move. Not until the painkillers start to work.

Victor: That bad?

Yuri: Yes. It's that awful cramping pain, like someone's twisting my insides.

Victor: Do you feel nauseous too?

Yuri: Mm-hmm. I've been feeling uncomfortable for the past few days, but it's gotten quite a lot worse since this morning.

Victor: You didn’t say anything.

Yuri: The pain was manageable, and I've been busy. But I'm worried this might be the start of a new flare-up, and I don't have time for my body to betray me like that right now. I've got too much work to do.

Victor: I don't think your body understands your work schedule, love.

Yuri: *grumbling* Stupid body.

Victor: *laughing* Would it be inappropriate for me to say how ridiculously adorable you are?

Yuri: Probably, but I won't complain.

Victor: Let me know when you feel like you can move. I'll help you upstairs, and I'll take your temperature.

Yuri: Do I feel warm?

Victor: A little.

Yuri: Oh... brilliant. This had better not be another infection, or I'll—

Victor: What?

Yuri: I'll cry. I'll quite literally cry.

Victor: It might not be as bad as you think.

Yuri: What if it is?

Victor: If you have a fever or if you're still in a lot of pain tomorrow, I'll take you to the urgent care clinic. In the meantime, try to rest, okay?

Yuri: Maybe we should go now. I mean, not this minute, but when Caroline gets back from shopping with your mother.

Victor: Do you want me to text Mom and let her know what's up? I'm sure Caroline can have dinner with her and Julian, and hang out there for the evening.

Yuri: No, it's fine. I can wait until she gets back at least, and I think she's old enough to stay by herself while we're gone.

Victor: I don't like the idea of her staying alone, and I'm not sure I can handle being worried about both of you.

Yuri: If anything happens, your parents are across the street.

Victor: You're not concerned at all?

Yuri: Of course, but she's seventeen years old. She needs to be independent at some point.

Victor: I know, but maybe not at this specific point. Maybe we can let her stay on her own for a few hours when you're feeling better, when we can both be available if she needs anything.

Yuri: You know you're being overprotective, don't you?

Victor: You say that like it's bad.

Yuri: It's not necessarily bad. You can overprotect me all you want, but Caroline has a much different temperament than me, and she might not always appreciate being protected as much as I do. I think you need to let go, just a little.

Victor: I don't know. I don't like it.

Yuri: What do you want to do, then?

Victor: I still think she should stay with Mom and Julian.

Yuri: Okay.

-----

Caroline: I'm back from shopping! I can't wait to show you the cute... Oh! Papa, what's wrong?

Yuri: It's all right, Caroline.

Caroline: How is it all right? Are you sick? You were fine when I left. Was it something you ate, or...?

Victor: Papa hasn't been feeling good for the past few days. It seems it finally caught up with him.

Caroline: You're going to take him to the doctor, right?

Victor: We were just talking about that, as a matter of fact. We decided we're going to urgent care.

Caroline: Urgent care? But that's like, for when it's really serious. Papa, you haven't needed to go there in ages. Not since just after we got back from Sulani last time. That's like, almost two years. This isn't going to be like the times you've had to be in the hospital for weeks, is it? 'Cause those are terrifying.

Yuri: That's what I'm hoping to avoid.

Caroline: Well, if you're going to the urgent care clinic, I'm coming with you. I'll hold your hand while we're waiting, and I'll do whatever you need me to.

Yuri: Well, I guess that's your dilemma sorted, Victor.

Caroline: What dilemma?

Yuri: He didn't want you to stay here by yourself.

Caroline: What are you even talking about? There's no way I'd stay here by myself in this situation. LIke, I'm already freaking out, so can you imagine how much worse it'd be if I was here worrying about you all alone?

Yuri: I thought you might like to have the house to yourself.

Caroline: Maybe if it was just a normal day and I had a few hours to myself to do something fun, but not right now. Maybe you can let me have the house to myself some other time. You know, like when you're feeling better and I'm not losing my mind over all the worst-case scenarios and stuff.

Victor: There's not going to be a worst-case scenario.

Caroline: I'm coming with you so I can hear the doctor say that.

Victor: Because I'm totally not a fully-qualified registered nurse.

Caroline: Victor, that's not what I mean! You totally are, but you know there's a hierarchy or whatever. Husband first, then nurse. And you can't say there isn't, because I've seen you acting even more panicked than me when Yuri's sick, and I know for sure you'd never be like that with your patients.

Victor: I do not panic. I'm one hundred percent calm. Trust me, I'm a professional.

Yuri: I don't think you're convincing her, love.

Caroline: You're not. Now, stop pretending to be a tough guy, 'cause we all know the truth. And don't tell me I'm not allowed to come with you because this is one time I'm not gonna do as I'm told.

Yuri: Oh? Just this one time?

Caroline: Ugh! You guys are so infuriating! How can I even love you so much when you're so annoying?

Victor: We're not going to tell you not to come. I'd like it if you did.

Yuri: I would too. I certainly wouldn't turn down the offer of you holding my hand while we're waiting.

Caroline: I know that's not much. It's not going to fix anything, but I also know you really don't like going to the doctor, so hopefully it'll make the whole thing a bit easier.

Yuri: Don't say it's not much. You might be surprised how much it truly can fix when you know you're with somebody who loves you.

#ts4 #sims 4 #willow creek #willow creek haunted house #Yuri Okamoto #Victor Nelson #Caroline Okamoto-Nelson #stargazersims

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bpdohwhatajoy · 5 months

Text

I really hate the way a lot of healing is presented. It’s not some “uwu flowers and sunshine everything is great!!!!” shit. That’s fake, disingenuous, and not realistic. If your recovery isn’t like that, don’t think you’re not making progress. That’s more toxic positivity than anything.

Recovery is gritty. It’s not never breaking down. It’s not never feeling bad. It’s not never feeling unhealthy urges. You’ll still break down (albeit less eventually but there will still be times of that). You’ll feel bad at times. It’s impossible to avoid negative emotions completely. They’re apart of life. It’s trying your best to resist urges and extending compassion to yourself when you do give in. You’ll still feel the urges. In fact I feel them quite often. It’s not never giving into them. It’s understanding that giving in is bad for you so you try your best to fight them off.

At first it might not even look like progress. You might think nothing is happening. You might feel hopeless. But progress with this stuff is slow. I mean think about it. You’ve been doing so badly for so long. You’re traumatized. Do you think you can undo that all overnight? It may take awhile to even see results. This is a gradual process. Don’t give up on it because it could take awhile.

Recovery is often confronting heavy things that have plagued you for years so actually a lot of negative feelings do come up. But the fact you’re confronting them and coping is proof that you’re healing and making progress.

Recovery involves finally standing up for yourself with people. It’s finally asserting your needs and stating how you feel rather than just sucking shit up and suppressing how you feel. It’s honoring your feelings rather than punishing yourself for feeling them or acting like feeling them is a wrong. It’s not tolerating mistreatment anymore. It’s saying ENOUGH. You can’t treat me like that. I value myself enough to not engage with that so I’m walking away and not letting them back no matter how they try to manipulate you.

Recovery is hard. It’s a lot of work. It’s getting kicked down and standing up with blood and bruises and taking care of the wounds. It’s not giving up even when you want to. It’s holding out hope for better days even if better days seem impossible. It’s also incredibly lonely which no one tells you. When you’re healing and putting up with shit less often, the same toxic people who banked on your tolerance won’t like how you are now so you will probably lose a lot of relationships either from you choosing to walk away or them not wanting wanting to stick around anymore since you’re finally not tolerating their shit. 2023 is the year of me losing the most relationships that I have over the course of a year I think but it’s also the best I’ve been doing mentally. Despite how lonely it gets, don’t give up on recovery and healing. Being alone is better than being drained by awful people.

Recovery is not putting up with mistreatment even when you think it’s what you deserve. Even though you feel worthless, you don’t let people treat you like that. You hopefully will get to a place where you feel good about yourself (I’m not there yet) but for the meantime it’s the action. Sure you feel bad about yourself but you stop letting people treat you like that.

You deserve to heal. You deserve to have your emotions honored. You deserve better from people. You deserve the hope that things can get better. Maybe you’re not at a point where this is possible. It wasn’t for me for many years. But when you start to undergo healing, revisit this post and you’ll see what I mean. I wish you all the best.

#ryan.txt #healing #recovery #healing journey #recovery series #so many emotions come up #you probably will feel a lot of sadness grief anger #basicslly anything you’ve suppressed #it’s normal to feel that stuff #recovery actually doesn’t necessarily feel happy #I mean yeah sometimes it does #but a lot of it is actually finally feeling stuff and not punishing and honoring whatever it is that you feel #I’m telling you it gets better and I’m not even close to fully healed #so trust me #it gets better #recovery journey

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sublimecatgalaxy · 2 years

Note

reader going after steve after he falls into the watergate and confessing their feelings for him after they find him :')

You're a genius, lovely. FIRST STEVE REQUEST BTW. SEND MORE.

My feet stumble as I run across the unsteady ground, dodging the mutant bats that pass overhead. Nancy, Robin and Eddie all run ahead of me, my legs significantly less powerful than their's as I try to keep up. I watch as Steve hits the ground hard, clawing at the vine-like tentacle around his neck.

Crying out, I watch as Nancy and Robin get to work, working on freeing him the best they can while also dodging the creatures flying at them. Eddie and I pause a bit, looking at each other as we try our best to keep the area safe enough for them to free Steve. I duck as Eddie smacks one of them with an oar, sending it flying over my head and I gasp, looking back at it as it flops to the ground. I stare in awe as they all fight, my hands empty as I look around, anxiously waiting for one of these things to hit me.

I scream as one of the bats tackles me to the floor, my voice choked as it bites into my arm, tears pricking my eyes as Robin grabs it by the tail, yanking it off of me but taking a chunk of my flesh in the meantime. I whimper, grabbing onto my arm, cursing under my breath as Robin helps me up, her hand on my shoulder to steady me. I whip around to see Steve throwing the bat that was wrapped around his neck, slamming it against the floor with a groan. Stepping on it, he yanks it apart with a tired sigh, spitting the mouthful of blood out onto the floor.

My body's moving before I know it, making my way over the dead bats, straight to him as I throw myself into his arms. His breathing is ragged as he hugs me back tightly, arms securing around my waist as I whimper.

"You're an idiot. Never do that again." I cry, pulling back from him as he smiles sadly, still trying to catch his breath and come to terms with what just happened. I reach up, wiping the bit of blood with my thumb from his lips as he glances over me, eyes fixated on the deep wound on my arm as I find myself worrying about the similar gash on his waist.

"Hey, you're hurt." His voice is soft as his fingers curl around my forearm, his brows furrowing in concern.

"Okay, lovebirds, can we get a move on because those things do not look happy." Eddie chuckles, my head craning to look back at the gate that's now surrounded by more of those bats. My eyes close as I tune out the rest of their conversation, leaning into Steve as I simply decide to be a follower and just to go where they tell me to, especially after following them all into a dark lake and through an interdimensional portal.

An hour or two passes, our feet aching from walking through the woods, the end apparently nowhere in sight to this nature walk. My back hits the cave wall as I blow out a sigh of relief, watching as Steve kneels down in front of me.

"You alright, champ?" He asks quietly, reaching out to brush some hair away from my sweaty forehead. I give him a half-assed smile and a thumbs up in return, looking past him at Robin who visibly worries, her feet carrying her back and forth as she paces.

"I'm not kidding guys. I know too much about rabies to be in this position right now." She stutters, hands on her hips as she shakes her head, standing over Steve as his eyes close in annoyance and frustration.

"Hey Robin?" Steve calls over his shoulder, capturing the wide-eyed girls attention. "Go away." Her head immediately ducks down without another word as she makes her way out of the cave, a small laugh leaving me as I watch as Steve settle in front of me. "Can I look at it?" His eyes flicker down to the gross wound on my arm as I snicker, eyes drooping a bit from exhaustion.

"I'll show you mine if you show me yours." He rolls his eyes with a teasing laugh, scooting between my opened legs.

"Horny fucker, Jesus Christ." He takes my arm gently in his hands, his thumb brushing over my healthy tissue as he hisses. "Got you good." He mutters, his lips tugging down into a frown as he avoids my gaze. "Shouldn't have followed me, ya know?" He nudges my leg, tearing off a section at the bottom of his pants and wraps it tightly around my wound. I groan in pain, hearing Steve mumble quiet apologies as I bite at my lip as he ties it, his fingers massaging at the sore skin around it.

"Then you should have been more careful. You have, like, kids at home, dude." Steve immediately shakes his head in protest with a strained chuckle, my mind wracking through all of the different ways that Dustin is probably freaking out right now. "And me, you have me and I really don't want to lose you to some bats on crack so please think of me the next time you dive head first, literally." I blurt out, rambling as he nods, his eyes wide as he waits for me to finish. I definitely caught him off guard but as soon as I finish my rant with a muffled whimper, tears filling my own eyes, his eyes suddenly soften and his face falls. He thinks for a moment, eyes trained on my anxious expression, a sad smile taking over his lips as he nods.

"You're right. I should've realized." He apologizes, head hanging as I lean forward to wrap my arms around him tightly. "Thank you for coming after me." His hand cradles the back of my head as I tuck my face into the crook of his neck, tears dripping down onto his shoulder. "I'm sorry for scaring you, I'm sorry. I'm here now." He reassures me with the softest voice possibly and my back shakes in nervous sobs, my eyes fluttering shut as I try to breathe.

"I just can't lose you." My fingers brush through his hair as he shudders, pulling away from me as he rests his forehead against mine. Our breathing mellows out after a few moments, both of our eyes shut as we both come back down.

"I know, I get it. I'd lose my mind if I lost you and Dustin would never forgive me." His hands move to cup my cheeks as he scoffs, fingers raking through my hair as I chuckle tearily.

"Then stop jumping into harms way and I'll stop following you." He chuckles, not giving it one thought before leaning forwards to capture my lips in a chaste kiss, a gasp leaving me as he lingers a bit and pecks my lips quickly a few more times before pulling me into another hug.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o- Taglist: @bubblebuttwade @rafelover2405 @leslienjazzy @sorceresss @grxnde-dwt @alex–awesome–22 @bunnietoof @niyamar1e @serialghost @plantlungs @geniusohn @akaliltimmytim @lilaalouuxx @xshariex @elliotsbeigeguitar @elle4404 @lelieja @srhxpci @joselyn001 @taysirene @spinkspanther @thedivineuphoria @peter-maximoffs @tsukishimawhore @poohkie90 @szlaco @distantsighs @nstyles4299 @wolflover384 @givemefoodandlovesstuff @vane28282 @yeswhatever33 @amirrahfranson @vvaalleennttiinna @f-mu @yaspillz @jeyramarie @skylievin@abbybarnes17 @jointherebellion215 @visiondaddy @steezysimfinds @its-ya-gay-boi-luigi @crunchytoenailsyum@glizzymcguirex @beth123lg @melovesmut @rafecameronswhore @ariianelle @write-from-the-heart @vampviolets@haylee-e@popehaywardssecretgf @honee-chai-tea @lokiandbuckywife @smoke-and-fire @officiallyunofficialperson@heyaitsklaudia@rosepetalsparks @bluetreecloud20 @scenesofobx @double-shot-of-tequila @1dluver13xx @colbysbrocks @iamasimpingh0e @smoke-and-fire386 @loveshineslikethesky @id-3-kbro @diorsitgirl @errorfound101-allideasburnedout @neverwillknowme18 @ellyskey @taylors-folk @loversjoy

#steve #steve x reader #steve harrington #steve harrington x reader #stranger things #stranger things fic

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emetogirl · 11 months

Text

So I had a terrifying night. But I also threw up a lot so I might as well tell you all about it

I don’t drink often, and when I do, it’s never in excess, so when this happened it really freaked me out. I had just a couple of drinks but hadn’t eaten anything all day, so it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was with friends and we were making dinner together. Within an hour, I was throwing up in the bathroom, with one friend holding me and rubbing my back, and the other two standing in the doorway and talking about what they should do with me. As time passed on I became less responsive and started to pass out and they thought about taking me to the hospital, but decided it wasn’t bad enough and that they could just take care of me. I remember feeling overwhelmingly awful at this point, it was just terrible and disorienting. Instead of staying at my studio apartment where it would be hard to keep an eye on me because it was so small and cramped, they decided to take me to my friend’s house to sleep it off. I had to be carried to the car, and then my friend called her boyfriend to help carry me inside her house and get me settled. I remember throwing up in the car several times into a tiny trash can we had taken with us and feeling like my stomach just kept heaving non stop. When I got out of the car, I immediately stumbled and almost fell, and my friend’s boyfriend caught me and picked me up in both of his arms to bring me inside. I remember my head just lulling against his arm and feeling too sick to lift it back up. Once we got inside, he helped lay me on the couch and put a trash can by my head, which I immediately dry heaved into. When I was done I laid back and started feeling really odd and detached. I blacked out for a minute, and when I came to my friend and her boyfriend were holding my head in place and had pulled the pillow out from beneath me. Apparently I had had a small seizure (I have epilepsy) while on the couch, which was REALLY scary to have happen while drunk. When I woke up from the seizure I actually felt more with it, which is strange, and they were able to wrap me up in a blanket and I sat up for a moment. They said they had never seen my face look so white before, and I believed them. I was so cold and just shivering constantly. My stomach ached furiously, and I knew I’d be throwing up again soon. I asked if I could just move to her bathroom and lay there, but they told me they’d rather me stay on the couch in case I had another seizure. They got a trash can ready for me when I felt like throwing up again. In the meantime we watched a show and my friend’s boyfriend ordered some pizza. About 30 minutes later, he left to pick it up, and that’s also when the nausea kicked into overdrive. Even though I had a trash can right next to me, I got up and walked to the bathroom, and my friend followed. Kneeling down, I heaved over the toilet hard. After the third gag I finally brought up a tiny splash of mostly stomach acid at this point. My belly didn’t feel any better afterwards, and my mouth continued to water excessively. My belly caved and I threw up again, another tiny mouthful. My stomach convulsing, I heaved repeatedly after, with tiny splashes of puke hitting the water with each retch until nothing was coming up at all, but my stomach kept clenching anyways. Eventually, the heaves tapered off, and I flushed and leaned back. My friend gave me some water to rinse my mouth out in the sink with and then helped me lay down in her lap for a moment. When I felt ready, she guided me back to the couch and I laid down. After puking, I actually felt a lot better and accepted some water. When her boyfriend returned with food, I even took a few bites of pizza, but it sat heavily in my stomach. I spent the rest of the night in a nauseous, dizzy haze, with my friends taking good care of me. They are the best and I don’t deserve them.

I don’t know why I ended up with alcohol poisoning, because I only had a few drinks, but I think I just haven’t been eating enough lately and hadn’t eaten enough beforehand. It was a super scary experience and I can guarantee I won’t be touching alcohol for a long time.

#alcohol poisoning tw #alcohol tw #emeto #emetophilia #irl sick #irlsickstory #vomit tw #nausea #emeto tw #irlsick #puke #vomit kink

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honeyshua · 7 months

Text

One summer away from reality

Growing up with Vernon and watching him achieve his dream turns out to be bittersweet

Growing up with Vernon he frequently talked about his dreams and ambitions. You thought back to the one night you were both laying on the grass looking at the stars that filled the sky. “I wanna be a star one day.” Vernon spoke as he looked up at the sky in awe. You sighed contently before replying “I’m sure you will be.”

The two of you both knew his biggest goal was to be on stage night after night. The sad reality however meant your relationship would inevitably come to an end. That was a given for both of you. But it was something that wasn’t really talked or thought about often.

However you selfishly thought about it more than you’d ever admit. At times you would think about it too much you could feel your heart break a bit more each time. You wanted nothing more than for Vernon to achieve his goals. But you also wanted him to stay. To stay with you and keep your life the same as it currently is. But that wasn’t fair to him and you knew it. So in the meantime you just enjoyed every single interaction you had.

Vernon started absentmindedly running his fingers through your hair accompanied by a soft hum. “What’s your biggest dream Y/N?” He suddenly asked breaking you out of your thoughts. “I don’t know I just want everyone to be happy.” Vernon thought for a bit for responding. “Is that really fair to you? Putting everyone else’s happiness as the most important thing in your life will lead to burnout really quick. C’mon there must be something you want to do.”

Vernon was calling you at 5:30 the next morning which immediately meant something was up. You didn’t even know he could function that early. “Honey I got accepted into the company! I’m that much closer to debuting.” It was a call you were expecting to get eventually. But not this soon. “That’s amazing! I’m so proud of you babe!”

The celebration that night was the bitter reality that you were going to see him less. He still did everything in his power to make time for you. But now it had to be more lowkey. The two of you managed for awhile. It gradually got became an easier adjustment and you got comfortable in your relationship again.

A couple more years went by and one day you got the call you had been dreading “Y/N we’re debuting!” His excitement was contagious and you could hear some of the guys celebrating in the background. “You should come over and we can all celebrate together. You’ve been our first fan since day one.”

As soon as you arrived the guys eagerly welcomed you in. You congratulated and celebrated with the guys. Towards the end of the night you got ready to leave. Vernon followed you outside. “You did it! You’re achieving your dream, I’m so proud of you!” Your words felt like daggers piercing his heart. “Oh Y/N” his voice faltered as he hugged you. Hearing his voice triggered all the emotions you had been holding in.

After you guys broke the hug he wiped your tears away “I love you so much” “I love you too. I’ll always be here for you.” You spoke through shaky breaths. “Y/N don’t wait for me. Go out and live your life. Enjoy it please.”

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simping-for-red-flags · 2 months

Text

Dazai hiding his pain rots my brain.

(CW self harm)

Dazai grit his teeth as he slid down the wall, clumsily reaching for the wad of toilet paper that was stuffed under his mattress. His mind was racing, his thoughts jumbled as they tore through him like a flood, like an inferno. It was enough to make him wish it could all just stop.

He felt like he was going to explode.

He wished that he would.

In the meantime, he would settle for anything that made him feel even remotely human. The pain was enough to ground him, to slow down his mind enough that he could breathe again.

When he was done, he felt still.

It was almost religious, the sanctity of the act of unwinding a fresh role of bandages. Hiding his impurities beneath the layers of cloth that were as white snow.

That would soon become stained.

Just like everything that he touched, like the people who clung to their perceptions of him, never truly seeing what he was at his core. It was as much a comfort as a mean to enforce his separation from the world around him. But at least his mind had stilled for the moment. It was a small mercy.

Getting to his feet, Dazai fixed an easygoing smile on his face. Pulling his coat on, making sure that the sleeves covered the evidence of what he had done.

That was the problem with the ADA, he had a group of people who cared, but they would never understand. Or perhaps he'd just never given them the chance.

But who could love a monster, but a monster?

"Kunikida-kun!" He called, his tone light and playful as he raised his hand to wave to the blond once he'd made his way back down to the office. "What's with that face? I haven't even said anything yet."

Kunikida frowned, a sigh leaving his lips as he pinched the bridge of his nose. "You only look so happy to see me when you're planning to disrupt my schedule." The man replied tersely. "And I just don't have the time today, we have enough to deal with without you making a fool of me right now."

Dazai laughed easily, his performance as little more than a lovable clown was impeccable, it was a mask he could hide behind an antidote to the poison that lurked within.

"Aw, Kunikida-kun." He protested, a pout on his lips as he sighed dramatically. "You're so cruel to me..."

He laughed as the other man walked away, a soft sound that was barely an act. Dazai knew he had a place here, that he was cared for. Or at least, his act had successfully tricked them into accepting him.

But on days like this, he missed feeling seen, safe to lower his defenses in the knowledge that he had no expectations to live up to, no damage he could cause by being less than an imitation of something more than he truly was at his core.

On days like today, he missed the Port Mafia, more specifically he missed Chuuya.

He had seen him, truly seen him, and god if he didn't long to feel seen again.

#bungou stray dogs #bsd #bungo stray dogs #dazai osamu #bsd dazai #bsd fic #maybe ooc idk #an effort was made #Dazai masking his pain keeps me up at night #skk post est #self harm mentioned #but not described

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yandere-sins · 1 year

Text

So I thought I’d give a little life-update as there’s a lot going on at the moment and I think it’s visible on my blog as well. Maybe the positives first:

I do really like my new work, I like that I have set hours (even if I do overtime here and there) and though it got incredible stressful the last few weeks, I think the four people that work in my office space are the coolest in the whole company and I love the support I am getting, it’s something I always wanted for my work-life tbh! My dog is also doing very fine, she’s really a total sweetheart and I wouldn’t know what to do without her, and at least I, myself, am doing pretty okay-ish physically, so nothing to complain there.

Now to the negatives.

Unfortunately, my mom’s cancer returned but is quite hard to pinpoint. She went back to an even more aggressive chemotherapy and we’re hoping for the best. Honestly, I don’t wish cancer on anyone, it’s such a tough battle and even just as the primary caretaker it’s been really hard to deal with for me, luckily I have grandparents and a brother who all deal with it and help and support, so that’s good! My mental health though is suffering. It’s biting my own butt now, but I cancelled therapy to focus on work at the beginning of this year and now my therapist is fully booked, so I will have to sit out this month probably. I am telling that because that’s the reason I am struggling with concentrating on one thing for a long time, which includes writing, which explains the fluctuation of posts you are seeing, since I try to get requests and drafts done on the weekend when there’s less stress. Sadly only works like 30% of the time...

Going forward I have decided to indefinitely pause commissions. I have noticed that they put too much pressure with the deadline and expectancy on me when I am already struggling and sometimes need a day to myself. I can’t say when they’ll come back, but thank you all so much for your interest and support, it’s always a pleasure to write your ideas and I never had a bad experience with commission ♥

Good news for Mermay: it’s still happening! ... buuuut I am shortening the story I came up with. I think I was too ambitious with the three routes I teased, so I am trying to figure out how to ensure that it won’t drag out as much as Atreo’s story last year. Unfortunately, the start will be delayed some more, but we were going to celebrate Mer-June anyway, so at this point it probably doesn’t make as much difference (’:

Because the question arose a few times already, I will not be playing Honkai Star Rail. It has a few reasons, but the main one is I don’t have the time. Sorry to everyone who asked about it, but it’s just not the right time for me at the moment! ): I’ll probably be miserable again later when everyone has moved on to it and I am stuck behind but I have to make cuts somewhere ;;

I actually have some commissions and requests that I haven’t released yet, so I will try to schedule some of these in the meantime while I work out how to go about stuff. If you’ve been around for a while you probably know I like routines that’s why it’s always important for me to build them and keep them up. Other than that, I’ll probably focus on Mermay and my own writing projects which will happen rather irregularly. No guarantees on posting, sadly ):

I do realize tho that it just isn’t always possible to keep up frequency of posts and interactions I had when I started this blog, as much as it saddens me. I have to prioritze my real life before my internet presence (and I really need to not feel guilty about taking breaks from everything ever so often ;;), so if you see me vanishing for a few days, it’s just that really.

Thank you everyone who stuck around and supports this blog ♥ There’s another big milestone coming up veeery soon and I am always in awe that so many people would stay to read my silly little stories!! If you have some time and don’t mind waiting for a response, I’m always happy to chat and answer questions, so please don’t hesitate to hit me up!

Thanks everyone ♥

#Admin #Also I found a new editing program that I want to try out soon-ish #if something changes about my writing... it could be my editing ^^'#But Grammarly also now has an AI thingy and bleh #Don't really want to keep supporting it since it's also not really made for non-professional writing stuff

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blossom-hwa · 4 months

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omg same anon here that requested the model soobin + designer reader that was so good aoaajddkjjjs&#@*kdj thank you ☆_☆

also i feel like i might have sent a similar ask to the following (maybe tumblr ate it) but if no one yet has straight up asked for taehyun fandancer au then plz taehyun fandancer au. and/or any other txt members in the same au if you want (no pressure to again though it's ok !!!)

I am so late...it's fine it's fine it's fine LMAO anyway idk if anyone is still looking for their drabbles from the summertime fest, but I'm trying to do them now - hope y'all enjoy :)

this is an excerpt from a fic idea I'm trying to flesh out; it might be a little confusing but here's the gist - fan dancer mc is trying to hide soobin, the missing crown prince, from those who want to kill him, and in the meantime taehyun is trying to court them and mc desperately wants to say yes but can't because caring for soobin is first priority (they promised a friend). horrible dilemmas I feel for mc so bad (I want taehyun too </3)

summertime drabble fest: send me an idol from the list (Stray Kids, Ateez, TXT, Seventeen) + a prompt (check out the post for ideas) and I’ll write a drabble for you!

REQUESTS CLOSED!

Title: In the Eyes of the Night

Pairing: Taehyun x gender neutral!reader

Word count: 2.1k

Genre: slight angst, fan dancer!mc and nobility!Taehyun

Warnings: mentions of blood

Once backstage you nearly fall onto one of the benches behind the gauzy curtains that frame the dais, dropping your fans and gingerly taking off first your shoes, then the wrappings around your feet. They come away sweaty and smelly, which is only to be expected, but a pained hiss escapes your lips as you peel cloth off the blisters that burst during your time on the stage, leaving stains of yellow and red on the fabric.

Your stomach drops. It's not as if you had expected anything less, not after what happened last night, but seeing the mess of blood and pus in the light somehow makes it all worse.

"Need some help?" Juyeon's deep voice sounds overhead. You meet his concerned smile with a wry grimace of your own. "Don't worry about me," you reply, already grabbing one of the clean towels nearby. "Your performance is next, right? You should go prepare. I'll be fine."

His eyes flicker over to the clock on the wall and a grimace of his own passes over his lips as he registers how little time he has left. "I'll send someone with water," he promises. "Clean your feet properly."

"Thanks, Juyeon. I'll be fine," you reassure him, even as the stinging pain threatens to bring tears to your eyes. "It's just a few blisters."

Juyeon disappears into the gauzy curtains, and you take the moment alone to stretch your feet onto the bench. Stars above, your legs ache something awful. Normally you would just attribute this to the endless cycle of performance and practice, but all that running around yesterday took everything out of you. The adrenaline of the chase, the fear that you would be caught, captured - or even worse, that the prince you were hiding would be seen -

Not for the first time, you curse your friend in the shadows for saddling you with the responsibility of a missing prince. How do you hide a prince in your own tiny room? How do you keep him out of sight but still get him food, get him water, get him the basic things he needs to survive? She didn't tell you anything when she dumped him on you, didn't tell you anything except that he was the prince who the royal family had declared missing and that you needed to hide him or else people would kill him.

You're not an assassin. You're nothing special, not like she is. You can't use a knife. You can't wield a sword. You're just a fan dancer and nothing else and the responsibility of a prince is going to kill you, if it doesn't kill him first.

Ugh. You rest a hand on your heart, forcing deep breaths. "Everything is fine," you mutter to yourself, as though saying it aloud will make it true. It is true, in a way. Your prince wasn't seen last night, for all the danger you were in. He wasn't captured. He wasn't killed. You were able to distract those who would hunt him, even if your bare feet and legs took more cuts than you were used to on the sharp stones outside. Even if it took all of your remaining energy not to collapse in a heap of silk and fans onstage.

Gahyeon comes running over with a small basin of cold water. You thank her, brush her away when she offers to help, and begin cleaning up the mess of blood on your stinking feet. As soon as it's all cleared away and you've wrapped the open sores in clean bandages, you force yourself to stand and limp to your room. With every step, pain hisses up your legs, but you make it there in the end.

You tap the door slightly, knocking once, twice, three times in a pattern to announce your presence. When a few knocks sound in return, you slide it open and step inside, closing it quickly behind you.

Soobin sits in the corner of the room, looking small and hunched over for all his height. His eyes are dull, despondent. "Hello," he mumbles.

All of your previous curses about the responsibility of a prince melt away, replaced by pity in the face of the crown prince's misery. "Hello, Your Highness," you murmur respectfully. "Are you well?"

"I'm fine," he replies quickly, which is how you know he isn't. "Are your feet alright?"

"Just a few cuts and blisters." You smile a little, trudging over to the small mirror set on one of the walls. "I'll survive."

"...I'm so sorry."

"There is no need to be," you respond firmly, turning around from touching up your makeup. "You are my prince and I swore an oath to our friend in the shadows to keep you safe. If I have to bear some pain in my feet for it, no matter. I'm a dancer, anyway." You smile at him. "I'm used to it."

He doesn't look convinced, but he doesn't try to apologize again, so you count that as a win. "You said someone helped you last night," he says, changing the subject.

Your eyebrows furrow. "Yes," you reply lowly, unwanted memories rushing back of shadows and snarls and blades flashing in the moonlight - and above all, one familiar voice shouting for you to run as his sword slashed down, starlight shimmering on the metal.

Your heart skips a beat. Taehyun Kang. In the moment, when you couldn't breathe and couldn't think, you couldn't believe it was him. But you've replayed those seconds over and over in your mind, and there's no question anymore. Taehyun of the family Kang, one of the middle nobility who frequents your performances and has been trying to court your interest for almost two months...

He saved you. And you can't even thank him, because he didn't see your face, and you can't reveal that that was you.

"Did you see who they were?" Soobin asks.

You wipe your fingers on a towel by the mirror, eyes carefully downcast. "No," you reply, and truth be told, you're not sure why you lie. Maybe because you want to keep this moment to yourself. Maybe because deep down, you aren't sure it was really him.

Maybe because you don't want to acknowledge how hard this makes everything, knowing that you owe Taehyun your life when all he professes to want is your love - and you can't even give him that, however you might want to, for fear that your duty to a missing prince will come to light and all your shadow friend's carefully-laid plans will be ruined.

"I must go now," you say, turning back around. A pair of soft slippers waits by your door and you slip them over your bandaged feet, wincing. You cast the missing prince a soft smile. "I'll be back later, with some food and water."

Soobin nods. He looks exhausted. "Thank you."

With a final smile, you slip out of the room and step lightly down the halls, forcing yourself not to limp the entire way.

. . .

Back in the crowded main hall, Jinyoung waves you over the second you step in his direction. "Can you take the section in the corner?" he asks, gesturing to an area close to the stage.

For the second damn time that evening, your heart skips a beat. Because before you even look over, you know who will be in that section. At least who will be taking one of the tables there.

Taehyun.

"Of course," you say anyway, because while Taehyun's stare may be unrelenting, he's never disrespectful - in fact, it's cute when his friends tease him for his never-ending stare and his cheeks tint with more blush than you can attribute to the alcohol. And you can't lie - you like seeing him. You like being around him. He makes you feel comfortable in a way few other men have, and even if he's been clear with his intentions, he's never forced you to make an answer to him, only greeted you with kindness and care.

Gods above, your heart aches to finally say yes to one of his offers - to buy you a drink, to take you for a meal, to walk with you on the shoreline under the night sky. How could you not, when those sparkling eyes shine at you with all the grace and care in the world? But you can't sacrifice your duty to a missing prince for even a few nights spent in Taehyun's arms - it's too dangerous, with your friend in the shadows gone. Until she returns, and who knows when that will be, you must stay put.

A wry smile curls your lips. Stars, it would be so much easier if he were less easy to fall for.

Someone hands you a tray of drinks, and you begin to make your way through the chaos. The first group that waves you over isn’t his. It’s a rowdy group of sailors who laugh a little too much and talk a little too loudly, but they’re harmless as they thank you for the several glasses of alcohol that you pour out on their table. The second group isn’t his either, nor the third, nor the fourth. Slowly, you wade through the chaos, flashing a pretty smile at everyone who deigns to meet your eye, filling orders as fast as you can until you find yourself near the stage.

The music is louder here, and it slowly thrums its way through your body, settling your heart. Beomgyu is dancing now and you allow your eyes to meet his once, an encouraging smile on your lips just before you turn to serve the table to your right. Then you turn to the left.

Taehyun's small group is a friendly sight to your eyes. Your smile grows a little as you pour out their usual drinks, laughing and bantering as they thank you. By the time you've reached Taehyun, who is on the other side of the table, you feel somewhat better.

"Good evening, my lord." You smile softly, taking in the empty glass before him. "Would you like your usual?"

"No, Y/N, I'll be fine for tonight." His voice, soft-spoken as always and so different from the commanding shout that rang through the air last night, fusing you with the energy and adrenaline to run. And all of a sudden you're back in that moment, under the dark sky, cornered, feet bleeding, breath sharp and fast with panic...

"Y/N?"

You force yourself to breathe. To come back to earth. You dig your foot into one of the floorboards and the pain that flares from one of the blisters forces you to focus. "I apologize," you say quietly, ignoring the strange look that Taehyun is giving you now. He can't know. He won't know -

"You're limping."

His words pierce through the fog of your thoughts, hitting your ears with a startling precision.

You’re limping.

You straighten immediately, ignoring how the pain in your feet flares when you do. “I’m sorry?”

“You’re limping,” he repeats, and one glance at him is all you need to know that you didn’t convince him at all. The dark eyes that stare at you with so much intensity fall down to the floor where your feet stand, hidden beneath your robes. When he looks back up, only gentle concern floats in his magnetic irises. “Are you all right?”

Something in his voice almost makes you tell the truth, that no, you aren’t quite fine, you probably shouldn’t have danced today but you had no choice when the only other option was to explain where all the sores in your feet came from - and for a moment, you almost feel tears well up in your eyes. What is it with him, this noble with eyes as intense as his voice can be gentle, this son of a lord who has never once taken his eyes from you but always manages to stare with a respectful distance, never once making you feel like something less than human?

Why is he so perfect, and why is it that for all he wants you, you can't have him?

But training kicks in, the easy, bland smile lifting the corners of your lips as your exchange begins to catch the attention of the rest of his friends. Just in time, really, though there is still a little ache in your chest when you nod. “I’m fine,” you say. “Thank you for your concern, my lord, but I assure you I’m all right.” You turn away from their table, then, making sure not to limp on your way.

No matter how much it kills your feet to do so.

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