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hopelesslyromanticshark · 2 months

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hi can i get a percy x daughter of persephone fic where they have been best friend since before camp and are in love with each other and finally confess. p.s. love ur writing

⋆ ˚｡⋆౨ৎ˚ Lotuses, Water Lilies, And All These Lovely Things

content: percy jackson x daughter of persephone! reader fic warning: none???? i don't believe???? author's note: you wanna know what's crazy???? i was fighting for my life to write this and then i put on hozier and it just...wrote itself??? wtf???? what is that man doing to me???? it was actually kinda scary wtf???

look, percy didn't want to a be a half blood. but, he especially didn't want drag his best friend down with him. she was the only one person, other than his mom, who managed to stick around for so long. she bounced schools with him, mostly because she got grouped in with whatever problems percy managed to cause. he felt so much guilt about it, but she'd just wave him off, saying she would have followed him either way.

he couldn't remember when y/n came into his life, it just felt like she'd always been there. they had things they could bond over; she was raised by a single dad and percy was just raised by his mom. she struggled in school, almost nearly as bad as he did. oh, and they both had godly parents.

percy and y/n had been avid summer campers at camp half blood for nearly three years at this point and not much had changed between them. sure, percy had discovered he could control tons and tons of water and y/n's green thumb increased immensely but they were still just each other's best friend.

just best friends. that's it. that's all they're ever be.

at least, that's what you told yourself, late at night, inside your lonely cabin. persephone didn't have many children, as she had grown fond of hades over the years and they'd been attending godly couple's therapy for a few millennia to sort out their issues. you'd purely been an accident between your mother and your father, a florist with an affliction for using fruit in his arragnments. persephone had a fling with him, producing you. strangely enough, hades had no ill will towards you, he even offered for you to stay in the Underworld with your mother during the winter and fall seasons. you'd told him you'd think about it, and to your surprise, you actually had been thinking about it.

while it sucks finding out you were never intended to be born (loose term here, seeing as you kinda just plopped out of a flower), but its better than the alternative, being born for a purpose...like percy. you'd always felt bad for the boy, forced to live under constant expectations of being something great or nothing at all. you didn't know how he did it.

which is why, at every opportunity, you'd bring percy away from the hassle of camp and towards the woods, bobbing and weaving through the trees until you stumbled upon your favorite spot in all of camp. far in the reaches of the forest, a pond sat. it overflowed with life, the monsters purposefully put in camp basically avoiding it. water lilies and lotuses grew in abundance, nearly covering the whole lake. clearly someone had discovered it before the two demigods, a shabby dock put there (clearly not the work of a child of hephaestus). you and percy would just hang out, listening to the sound of the babbling creek and the chirping of the birds. no words needed to be shared, which is why you were certain you loved percy. he made just being...easiler. there was no pressure with the son of the sea god.

"is a hotdog a sandwhich?" percy questioned, breaking the silence, causing you to giggle, basically rolling around in the soft grass. percy looked over with a cheeky smile, his eyes catching on how the grass seemed to chase after you and brush your skin. he never thought he'd be jealous of grass, yet here he was. he wanted it to be his skin that brushed against you, not some flimsy, photosynthesizing, piece of shi-

"hmmm. techinally, yes but my heart says no. pineapple on pizzas? yay or nah?" you shot back and percy shakes his head, trying not to get lost in thoughts of your skin, your skin on his skin with nothing much between them-

"the answer if obviously yes."

"that better be a joke, jackson."

"if you think pineapple doesn't deserve to be on pizza, you are not the person i thought you were," percy mocked back, squinting a glare at the girl, who was struggling to fight her smile down.

"Looks like we can't be best friends anymore," you dramatically reply, pressing the back of your hand to your forehead and pretending to fall back into the grass, which greedily reached up to catch up and gently lay you down on itself.

"shame," percy muttered back, pushing up with one of his elbows and looking over at her, his smile slowly slipping off and being replaced by a more serious look. you raised a questioning brow at him, but your smile was slowly slipping as well.

"what's going on in your head, sailor?"

"we can't be friends anymore," percy replied, instantly, and partnered with his serious face, didn't land the way he thought it would. you were instantly reeling, pulling away from the boy with a hurt look. the green grass turned from a vibrant shade to a depressive green and the water lilies began to drown, dragged down by there own roots.

"wait, wait, that came out wrong-"

"how the hades else should that have come out?" you bit out, glaring over at the boy and tucking in on yourself.

"no, no, y/n, i just- i meant- ugh, this is going terribly," percy groaned, shoving his head into his hands as the grass swiped out at his ankles, trying to give him paper cuts. it all stopped though as you set a hand against percy's wrist, pulling it away from his face and forcing his eyes to glance up at your patient face.

"try again," you offer, nodding your head gently as you rub your fingers over his calmingly

"you sure?"

"i promise you, it can't get any worse than that."

"rude," percy huffed, laughing with the girl for a moment before taking a calming breath.

"i mean it, y/n, we can't just be friends anymore."

"man, you love to prove me wrong, don't you?"

"hear me out. friends shouldn't look at each other the way i look at you. friends shouldn't think about each other as much as i think about you. friends really shouldn't be willing to put their whole lives on hold because one of them wanted to get lost in the woods. we can't be friends anymore because i can't go another moment longer just being your friend when i know i want more," percy ranted, getting lost in his thoughts, his hands moving about nervously and his eyes refusing to meet yours, no matter how hard you tried.

"percy-"

"and i know i'm putting all these years in danger-"

"percy-"

"but if i went another second without telling you, i think-"

"percy!" you all but shout, giggles following as percy physically jolted as though you hit him. he turned to you with wide eyes and a tilted head.

"yes?"

"just shut up and kiss me."

"wha-"

before percy could continue to yap, you jolted forwards, cupping his face and bring his lips to yours. it took percy less than a millisecond to comprehend what was happening and for him to response. he pulled your body closer to his, desperate to use all of his senses during this kiss, in hopes to lock it in even the deepest parts of his ADHD riddled mind.

not that either of you noticed, but the water lilies returned from under the water, bobbing as though they had been held down there against their will. then they began to multiply, the water lilies and lotuses nearly bursting out of the pond with how many of them there were. the pond, which never had waves, was swishing as swirling like a hurricane was wrecking havoc on it and it alone. a foam was building against the bank and riptides could just be seen swirling under the surface.

and then you two parted and the pond settled once more, like nothing had happened. you two shared a soft smile, one of secrecy and exuberance. then, like nothing had happened, you both cuddled back up with the grass, eyes darting up to the sky and silence settling back over the pair.

though, this time, their hands were firmly locked together and the grass was softly licking at both of their hands, intertwining itself to mimic their fingers and hearts.

#postcards from covey ౨ৎ #pjo #pjo fandom #percy jackon and the olympians #percy jackson #percy jackson x reader

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shamrockqueen · 2 months

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Omega retreat : chapter 1

Pairing : Alpha Bucky x Omega Reader

Warnings : R18, Eventual Smut, Not what it seems, talk of medical issues/illness, dating site, ABO dynamics

Word count : 2038

Bucky Masterlist

Summary : As an unmarked and lonely omega you find a flyer for a service called The Omega Retreat. You are paired with a compatible alpha to spend your heat or just a week at a luxurious cabin at a forest resort. Amenities and Utilities included. Enjoy the beautiful scenery, fresh air, as well as the company of an alpha of your choosing. What could possibly go wrong?

You almost stared through her as she spoke to you. Her tight bun of gray hair and her white coat match the sterile esthetic of the cold exam room you both sat in.

You never thought for even a moment that you would be having this kind of conversation, not at your age. You're young, you're healthy, and you should have plenty of time to make a family with the man of your choosing. Yet, there would always be this one thing that sat in the way.

Other women could plan out their lives however they wanted, marry, and even have children with anyone they chose. You were not so lucky. As an omega, you were bound by a biological law brought on by both your local government and your own body. You could fight it with medication at first, but over time everything would stop working, even the bodily system keeping you alive would eventually crash.

This heat had been so bad that you were barely able to move, let alone crawl as far as you had once you’d let yourself fall out of bed. You made it as far as the couch before everything blurred over and your vision turned black. You didn’t hear the phone ringing when work called regarding your absence, and you didn’t hear the banging at the door after they reached out to your family.

Your boss was one in a million, an omega who knew your plight and had the forethought to call your mother when you didn’t show up to work. Your dear mother was quick to call 911 when you didn’t pick up her calls. At least when the EMTs showed up, you were still breathing, but it was far too close of a call this time. If it weren’t for the people who cared about you, this story would have a far different ending.

After this last conversation with the doctor, you’ll be discharged, but you almost didn’t want to listen as she talked about how ‘it’s dangerous for omegas to go so long without having their heats satiated properly’ and that “suppressants can only go so far.”

You just didn’t want to believe it. You were still so young, and it felt like your whole life could come to a screeching halt in just one more month. Of course, all you needed was the real thing. No suppressants and no toys, just a living, breathing man to satiate your screaming inner omega. But, you’d never been with an alpha before; you’ve barely been with anyone, and you were scared.

One of your lesser qualities has always been your extensive social anxieties. Every time it seemed your boundary had to be pushed, you found a way to weasel out of it. You always chose avoidance over confrontation, until now. There was no avoidance anymore, and you knew that for your well-being something had to change.

“I’m just not sure if I’m ready.” You blotted away some fresh tears that tried to drip down your reddened cheek, with a little piece of tissue you had wadded up in your curled hand.

“I understand that for some, it can be a little scary, and we know you’ve done what you could to buy yourself just a little more time. But, this has become something that can’t be made to wait any longer.” Her voice was soothing, and it calmed you just a little, but the overwhelming realization that your bubble of comfort needed to be popped weighed just a little too heavily on you.

She reached behind her for a little blue pamphlet and handed it to you as she spoke. “I think it would be best to consider your options.”

You weren’t sure what that meant until you looked at the leaflet and saw a young woman on the cover looking just as confused as you with the words ‘how to practice safe sex’ sitting below her image.

Then it became very clear that you, in fact, had no other options; you only had one.

She got up to leave so you could get dressed for your discharge. You felt so juvenile as you stared daggers at the girl on the front page of the pamphlet. You wanted to crumple it up in your hand, throw the damn thing away, or maybe just toss it out the window. Yet, you just stared at it as the tears began to spill down your chin.

By the time you’d collected yourself enough to get your clothes on and grab the few things you’d brought with you, that stupid pamphlet was still in your hand. All the way to the check-out desk, you carried it.

It wasn’t until you were next in line to settle your copay that something else caught your eye and happily derail your pitiable thoughts.

It was a little red slip of paper tacked up to a cork board next to the discharge window. You weren’t able to read too much of it as the nurse handed you back your card, but the big, bold words ‘Omega retreat’ caught your attention, along with the image of a big, comfy bed in a cabin-esce setting.

You couldn’t help yourself when you grabbed one of the fliers off the wall before tucking your receipt and other paperwork in your purse. The nurse even smiled a little, as if she knew it was a good find too, as you left the doctor's office.

You forgot all about that blue nightmare of a paper booklet as you walked away with it still on the nurse’s desk. She didn’t think anything of it either as she picked it up and tossed it into the bin.

The idea of a dream getaway outranked a pamphlet for a budding omega's start to a pathetic sex life, much like yours. Maybe that would change, but for your well-being, it had to.

You didn’t stop to read the red flier just yet, and instead folded the paper in your hands as you walked back out to the parking lot. You finally drove away, absentmindedly listening to the grit of your tires rolling around the uneven road of your small town. You didn’t want to think; you didn’t want the distraction of music; you wanted your mind empty, as the numbness was the only thing keeping you from crying again.

With the aid of muscle memory, the drive home blew by quickly. Yet, as you parked in your spot at the duplex, you just slumped back in your seat and stared at the house. It was as if you’d find the answers to all your burning questions ingrained in the wood of the front door, but you knew there’d be none there.

It wasn’t long before the intrusive thoughts came creeping back in as the doctor's words echoed through each of your ears.

You were blessed with the ringing of your cellphone before you could start to break down again.

You unceremoniously sniffed back a flood of ugly tears before scrambling to dig your phone out of your bag.

You click the green button to answer, and the sweet sound of your mother’s voice fills your ear.

“Hi sweetie, did you leave the hospital already?”

“Uh, yeah. I was able to get discharged a while ago; sorry, I hadn’t called you yet.” You felt your hand shake as you gripped the phone.

“That’s ok, dear, as long as you feel better. Did the doctor say anything about how to fix this?”

“She told me what they’ve all told me, mom.”

She sighed for a second before speaking. “And it wasn’t an answer you wanted to hear, I’m sure.”

“They told me to explore my ‘options’.” The second that word spilled from your lips, you thought back about that blue eyesore the doctor had handed you. Though it wasn’t with any of your possessions anymore, You must have left it behind by accident, but you weren’t very heartbroken about it. In its place, of course, was the red flier you’d since folded up, and your eyes were once again caught on its deep and vibrant color as it poked through your purse.

“I want you to do what you think is best, but I don’t ever want to find you like that again.” Your mother’s tone became more serious.

You felt a stray tear leave a warm streak down your cheek to drip off your chin. Your stomach twisted at the thought of perishing in a fog of heat just to leave behind a pitiable corpse.

“I want things to get better, you know I do.”

“I know, dear; I’m just worried. It’s my job to worry after you.”

You chuckled a little before ending the call with a small sentiment. “I love you, mom.”

“I love you too, dear.”

“Bye.” You clicked the call off and sat in your car to wait out a rush of anxiety. You grabbed your bag and pushed out of the car, tossing the door closed as you approached the house.

Once inside, you dropped your purse at the door and just kept walking. The flier, however, sat in your hand after you absentmindedly pinched it between your fingers, waiting to entice you further once you sat back and sunk into your soft couch.

You finally unfolded it, looking over the larger, bolder letters first. ‘Omega retreat. Book your tickets today for a match made in heaven.’

It was a vacation package? Or was it a dating site? It looked like a strange combination of both, and what was even stranger was that it was tacked up in a doctor's office in the first place. Stuff like this usually wouldn’t be allowed in clinics, instead finding their home tacked up in grocery stores or small businesses.

It wasn’t anything to dwell on anymore as you held the slip of paper closer to read it.

“Forget me knot…stud of your choosing." It may be more than just a ‘dating’ service. The premise of being matched with an Alpha ‘Stud’ for a ‘forget me knot’ getaway made a burst of heat rise up in your belly and made your fingers shake just a little.

You’d never been with an alpha before, and although the premise sounds nice, it was still a little scary. The alpha breed had its own rumored behavior of aggression, but it was often accompanied by stories regarding sexual prowess. There were a few omegas from your old school that got their marks before graduating, and a couple others that bounced around from knot to knot comparing girth, roughness, and strength.

Then there was little old you, turning red at the corner of the table as you tried not to draw attention to yourself as you eavesdropped on every juicy moment. You can still remember choking on your sandwich, as one girl described what it was like popping her first knot.

You stared down at your coffee table for a moment, flier now crushed in your tightening little fist as a wave of embarrassment hit you square in the face, lighting your skin in a sharp wave of warmth.

The times have changed, haven’t they? You weren’t the scared little Omega from high school who turned pink at the drop of a hat; you were a beautifully bloomed woman. Yet, sometimes, when you catch sight of your peachy face in the reflection of a mirror, you're not sure anything has changed at all.

The only change that was certain was that many things were much more complicated than when you were younger, namely your body’s natural cycle. That rosy face could heat up and completely boil over the next time your heat rolled around, and with no one to take the pain away, it could lead to your early demise.

Maybe the doctor was right, maybe you needed to find some options, but on your terms.

You look back at the flier, spotting a website listed at the bottom of the page. You chewed at your lower lip before looking over at where your phone still sat by your purse. It wouldn’t hurt to just get a little more information; it would be just a little look, and maybe for the better.

Chapter 2

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bluginkgo · 5 months

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Wtf am I doing ranting again, you may ask. I was gonna talk about absolute solver again... but then my brain said "Nah, more nuzi." And who am I to refute that argument?

Spoilers, duh

Yes, how fricking typical. A duo of an emotionally scarred emo girl and a retriever puppy boy that get together. But honestly, after being in the usual angst department shipping for a couple of years now, Nuzi is such a refresher. Not to mention, that despite Liam Vickers focusing his story mostly on lore (LORE THAT I CRAVE AND LOVE), he takes time to include little things like nuzi. Nuzi didn't have to happen, but I'm so glad it is pretty much canon. Makes the dark and unbearably scary moments for the duo... bearable. I could go on a whole tangent about these two, but I mostly want to take note of how N interacts with Uzi. (I might do a post later doing the opposite, analysis of Uzi interacting with N.)

To put it simply, N is soft. Wow, Ginkgo what a revelation! (That was sarcasm) I know thank you. But seriously. When he talks to Uzi, his voice softens. Especially taken notice in ep4 during the Falling... for you? scene. Perhaps I'm just dense, or maybe I wasn't paying enough attention when watching the first time, but when N pulled the "therapy session" I was fully expecting for him to chat to her about the murder spree. How fricking wrong I was. N took me by surprise and asked the question that was ACTUALLY bugging Uzi the entire time. Not the killing spree, not the issue with her solver going haywire, not the backstory of her mother. None of that! It was if she was lonely.

"No, don't look. I'm gross and eating people and stuff."

"Yeah, we'll figure that part out. But you know that's not what I mean."

After rewatching the Murder Drones like 20 something times, it still baffles me how he talks to her. Softer, more open, willing to admit he's also scared- despite being a fricking disassembly drone, a demon in the eyes of regular worker drones. I can see where that trust comes from.

Uzi's fought and killed N before. But instead of fighting again, she puts blame on humans that "supposedly" made him.

"Do you really think that the company won't dispose of you, once all the workers are dead?"

Of course, there's way more evidence on how Uzi's comments, mannerisms, and remarks gave N a reason to trust her. There's also something I took notice of. The difference between N's chat with V and Uzi.

In ep3, N is cornered. Uzi and him had a misunderstanding, and V is very hush hush about their past. He has no other place to turn except to V for answers.

"V, if you're hiding something. We can figure this out together!"

He's open, here. Trying to get answers from out of thin air. Now, don't get me wrong. I love V. V is, by far, my most favorite character in the show. I love her violence, sarcasm, and character growth. But because this was only ep3, she's also trying to do what she believes is for the best. And we see why she was very hush hush about their past. N himself said "Not dealing with this great to be immediately honest." When he first lays his eyes upon the experimentation absolute solver was doing in the mansion. In V's perspective, it's better for N to forget. Ignorance is bliss as they say.

You can even see that she's guilty in the following frame for what she was about to do- cut N off literally and figuratively. Of course, since then, V has come a long way. Going even as far as trusting Uzi with everything.

But here's the difference.

"Just avoid another whole spire. Baby steps, together?"

Maybe it's just the moment, maybe it's just simple animation choice. But they made him here uncertain. The same "we can do this together" line, following his attempt with V, is less bright and more uncertain. A question, instead of a statement. He was at least somewhat ready to be shot down again, but instead Uzi met him halfway and took his hand in this big mess. It's these somewhat little moments that build the trust between the two, and what makes Nuzi so wholesome. There's no secret past about them, no big overdramatized misunderstandings. Just two people- or robots- learning how to get through this big mess of the universe ending.

And not to mention that the "together" line comes back to bite on us. The teaser for ep7 and 8 have that line as the last thing we hear.

"...figure things out... together."

I'm probably repeating things people have already said... bite me. I love Nuzi and how they've developed throughout the season. I may be after Murder Drones mainly for lore, but damn me, Nuzi is a really great addition to the entire package.

#murder drones #glitch productions #serial designation n #uzi doorman #serial designation v #biscuitbites #murder drones nuzi #nuzi #n x uzi #rant post #murder drones ep 4 #murder drones ep 3 #murder drones teaser #murder drones ep 7

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mountain-lion-gremlin · 4 months

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sometimes I feel like the old community that built up the alterhuman / nonhuman community has been forgotten.

Like everything has been so humanized, our identities are no longer deep because we don't teach the newer ones to try and understand it.

Sort of now feels like a game of "what feels like you the best?" And obviously, that isnt bad nor has it even been a problem. I've just been having this gut feeling that the whole community is becoming more and more human and forgetting what brought us here in the first place. Why we even feel these sorts of things. Like being a part of yourself is just a side blog, just something that is an add on and not something that is apart of you if that makes sense...

I feel lonely a lot, because I can rarely find anyone who connects with their nonhumanity as deeply as I do.

Rven though I'm currently not practicing being nonhuman and focusing on my shifts - no, not practicing, releasing. I haven't been releasing recently due to life and existing really lol. But either way, I just feel like this emptiness from being human is leaking very deeply into these places that once went to these places to hide from that.

Maybe others understand what im getting at and feel the same lol. I know others can't tell the difference, but I certainly can. And of course being human for some is an important part of their identity! I mean like I love being human - there's so many neat cool things and it's so great that I can even write this out so other creatures and decipher my thoughts and gain meaning out of them.

I just feel like the older, deeper, and more core primal part of the nonhuman community has been shunned and forgotten because of the bad reputation it has. And it's dying, and it's just mournful to see people wander onto these alterhuman places that don't connect with them, and talking about something that this other group completely understands, but has been completely lost and forgotten about.

Its scary to think that the p-shifting community is dying. But people don't want to believe in things that challenge the rational world now, and that's okay. Perhaps it needs to die. I'll always be a p-shifter through and through though. I'll always be a shapeshifter, even if nobody knows or understands what that is anymore.

Perhaps, a new community will grow over these old roots and find new meaning to shapeshifting. Perhaps our flawed ways will be seen and avoided. I want to see a community that isn't dying or dead because someone is a dictator with no actual experience in shapeshifting. I want to see a community where being a hybrid is okay, being unrealistic in your form is fine, that discovering werewolves and shapeshifting through a TV show doesn't make you a faker.

The p-shifting community is flawed. I do hope the old dumpsterfire dies. And I hope to god that we come out on the other side healthier and more alive then ever. I will say though, I have a feeling that no matter what happens the meaning of physically shifting will be lost no matter what we do. It's too taboo, too strange to most, and defies all logic in tiny human brains. That's okay though.

The practice has never been bad, but the people have been. I believe that p-shifting has never been bad (Of course if you apply it correctly. Anything done incorrectly can cause issues, including p-shifting) but the people who claim it, the people who attempt to dictate it, are. We don't need to destroy and harm and ban people because they aren't what you want, because they don't fit your standard of okay cuz there isn't any "science".

ill probably cover that anothertime, I'm incredibly passionate about the issues in the shapeshifting/ werewolf / p-shifter whatever you want to call it community.

But anyways, this is a tiny post about just expressing how I feel about this lack of depth that I feel about alterhumanity as a whole. I feel like they are moving in a direction that has lost the core meaning of being something other than human .

I will say though, it depends on how you view yourself and your relationship with your humanity. Perhaps all along there has been a large majority of people who sort of identify with being not human, but are mostly human. Perhaps the shapeshifter community is just an extreme version of this, that's why there's a lack of depth to it (personally to me)

regardless. Most likely no one will read this lolll

#p-shift #mountain lion.txt #shapeshifting community #yes I ramble #I will probably never cover what I said I would #goodbye

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anywaymuahahahaha · 9 months

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Hello. I would like to take a moment to talk about the mental health struggles I have been facing in the last year and especially in the last few weeks. I will issue a content warning as this could be heavy and a little sensitive as well.

I don’t talk about this very much, but I suffer from BPD. It has been affecting me since I was a teenager. I try my best to keep it to myself and avoid socials when I’m having an episode but I think I may owe some of my friends and other people an explanation and an apology.

I am coming down from an almost two week long episode. I won’t go into details of what my episodes are like because everyone is different but if you or anyone you know suffer from BPD you know all too well what they are like. It’s not pretty. I can’t speak for everyone, but for me, having an episode feels like being trapped in a world that doesn’t want me here. It’s scary, it’s sad and it’s lonely. One of my biggest defense mechanisms is self isolation. I will completely detach from reality and essentially hide in a void for long periods of time, ignoring the friends and my family that care about me. It looks like I don’t want you in my life anymore but it’s simply not the case. I have shut down a lot this year and especially in the last few weeks. My emotions can be very strong and very powerful and sometimes even dangerous. When you’re having an episode you have no impulse control. At all. It feels like you are possessed.

Living with this has been devastating to my life, my friendships, my motivation and my mental and physical health. I have not sought treatment over fear that I will be institutionalized or given medication that will completely change who I am.

I have come to realize that I cannot thrive like this. I cannot live like this anymore. I am going to ruin my life if I don’t seek help. I just want to take this moment to apologize to my friends and others who have felt like I pushed them away. I’m not using this as an excuse, my words can’t undo my actions I just hope it helps you understand. I am sorry to cause you anxiety, stress or any other feelings of sadness. Unfortunately sometimes my social anxiety and my depression can make it difficult for me to reach out and talk to folks sometimes and it may give off an impression that I dislike you or something. I am so sorry if I have ever made you feel that way. I am working on myself. It’s the least I can for the folks who care about me.

Anyway, thank you for taking the time to read this. I hope you understand me a little better now. I want to thank everyone for the kind words and messages of support during this difficult year for me. It means a lot to have you in my life.

To my friends, you mean EVERYTHING to me

To anyone who has ever sent me a kind DM and never got a reply from me- you mean EVERYTHING to me.

Again, I am sorry to anyone I have hurt. I will do my best to seek help so that I can be not only a better friend, but a better person.

-Crafty 🫶🏻

#sorry is this feels random and out of nowhere #crafty laments

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flaminaroundlikeastar · 10 months

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Fandom : Transformers Series : Transformers Prime Topic : Love languages [decepticon edition] Warning : No warning, it's family friendly :) Megatron 🛩 • He seems to be planning evil plans a lot. • He sure is evil but has his standards. • If he admires someone, he likes to point out how smart, fast or strong they are, which honestly surprises some people. Shockwave 🧪 • Doesn't care most of time and spends a lot of times doing some lab experiments. • A lot of times he is just a misunderstood person. • So when somebody is interested in his experiments, he might love to talk more about it. • Maybe even going as far as making something as a gift to their favorite person. Soundwave 🎶 • He's very ... standoffish. • Talks rarely if never, but can be around so nobody feels lonely. • Obviously it freaks a lot of people, but he's trying his best to socialize. 😂 • If someone's lucky, he might play a song as a favor. Starscream 🐥 • Very clingy bird bot // affectionate. • Loves praise and attention he gets from their favorite person, but is somewhat afraid of commitment. • I know that quality time with him would be more one sided, however sometimes it's like coping mechanism for him. Knockout 🚘 • Has a lot of beauty insecurities. • Is often confused by stuff but tries to find the way anyways. • Although he's kind of feminine, he likes to go out racing. I don't think that if anyone offered him to race, he would not agree. • Racing is definitely his hobby and he would love to share it with someone in mean time. Breakdown 💪 • Chunky and scary looking guy who's actually quite funny and nice. • While he isn't really clingy, in fact he tries to avoid others help, because he doesn't want to make it everyone's problem. • However sometimes he just can't help but do some hugs or hand holding. Airachnind 🕸 • Sassy spider lady. • She kidnaps people for a living, but hey its what spiders do. • She's not the nicest person in room and has quite an attitude. • If she IS feeling better and nicer, then she might praise someone who she thinks is cool.

#transformers #transformers prime #transformers maccadam #tfp shockwave #tfp soundwave #tfp breakdown #tfp starscream #tfp airachnid #tfp knockout #tfp megatron #headcanons #hcutie #tfp headcanons

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footygirl114 · 2 years

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Fiebre del bebe (Alexia Putellas x Reader)

So as promised, my surprise with @onlyhereforthestories We both wanted to post something today for both of us hitting a follower milestone. We have not read each others stories, but we both got the same prompt; R or Alexia wants a kid, but the other does not because it’s scary. I hope mine lives up the amazing writing of @onlyhereforthestories

Watching your favourite person in the world post game holding a baby is the best sight in the world. You had just watched her team cruise to the league title win, and during the post game celebration she has Irene’s baby in her arms and it makes your heart swell with love for her.

You and Alexia had been together for years, you had just bought and settled into your forever home, you had Nala together, and had gone to the courthouse together with her sister, mother and your brother during lockdown to make your lives official. You were ready for the next step and you knew it was time to bring it up to her.

Watching her interact with kids always did you in, when she wondered over to you in the stands after the celebrations, you made sure to tell her that.

“Hola Ale, good game love” you tell her as soon as she’s in ear shot.

She smiles that private smile she has reserved for you as she approaches and gathers you into her arms for a hug. “Hola babe, did you see how well the team played?” she says to you, and you shake your head cause she will never take praise on her own game.

As you push back from her you tell her “I have to say you look pretty good holding a baby love”

She immediately blushes and pulls back as she says “Let me go shower and we can get out of here” She pecks your cheek and heads back towards the change room.

The way she ignored the subject and changed the topic doesn’t sit right with you, but you chalk it up to it being not the right place to have this conversation.

The following week, the team is off at an away game so you are home alone. You have an online design business you run from home, its nice to be able to have flexibility, but it also means you can go crazy at home alone for days on end. You often find your self out on walks.

Its on this walk when you are walking through a park that you run into an old friend, Ana, and her 2 kids. You end up sitting with her chatting while the kids play on the park, when Alexia FaceTime's you. You check with your friend that you are good to pick up and when she nods you smile immediately at your love on the screen.

“Hola love, rough day?” you immediately ask as you can see her siting in an ice bath.

She shakes her head and with a small smile she says “I’m just getting too old for this.”

You laugh and turn the screen towards your friend “Babe, this is Ana, we used to work together and I ran into her and her kids at the park” Ana waves to her and offers her greetings, before Alexia can respond Ana has to get up and move over to one of her kids who was crying.

“Im glad you found someone to talk to, I know how lonely you get at home when I'm gone” Alexia chimes in from your screen.

You bring your attention back to her and give her a small smile and say “You know, I wouldn’t be so lonely if we had someone else around to keep me company.”

She looks at you confused and asks “Nala isn’t enough you want another dog?”

Shaking your head at her you say “No, I was thinking more along the human lines”

You see Alexia freeze, then turn her head to the side, when she refocuses on you she immediately says “Lo siento, I have to go my times up in the ice bath. Te amo Mi amor” and she blows you a kiss and turns off the screen.

You are again left with the feeling of Alexia not talking to you, and avoiding the questions.

The following weekend you and Alexia are home with your 3 year old niece, your brother had texted asking if you could watch her for the afternoon/evening as him and his wife were going to a friends wedding. Alexia loves your niece and she loves her Tia Alexia too.

You had been playing outside in the heat, when your niece had asked for ice cream, so you left them at home while you ran out to pick some up. When you walk back into your house it is dead silent and you are left wondering where they went. You walk into the living room and immediately your heart swells.

Alexia is laid on her back on the couch, with your three year old niece cuddled into her chest, Alexia has both arms wrapped around her and they are both fast asleep. You quietly pull out your phone and take a picture of the 2 of them cuddled up like that. You sneak outside and settle on the patio couch to let them sleep.

All you can think about is that you want a child with Alexia, but you do not know how to bring it up. You are so lost in thought you don’t hear your phone going off with a message from your brother saying they are on the way. It isn’t until the back door opens and Alexia pokes her head out asking “Y/N are you gonna come say bye?”

You snap back to reality and smile at her and follow her into the house to say bye to your family as they prepare to take your niece home.

Once they leave Alexia turns to you, and places her hands on your hips and asks “Is everything okay hermosa?”

Shaking your head you respond “I think we need to talk about some stuff babe”

She leans in and places a kiss on your forehead and responds “I know, I’ll grab the wine and meet you out back?”

You nod, but before she can pull away, you pull her back into you and press a deep kiss on her lips. When you pull back you whisper “I love you”

“Te amo Hermosa” she replies with a quick peck to your lips before she pulls away and goes to grab the wine.

You wonder back out to the back patio and settle on the couch, looking out at the stars. Alexia comes out and presses a wine glass in your hand and settles beside you. You feel her put her arm around your shoulders and you cuddle closer into her side. You savour this quiet moment with your love, but you cant help but feel like this conversation may change the 2 of you forever.

After several minutes basking in the silent night you feel her press her lips to your forehead and you turn to look up at her. You get lost in the sparkle in your lovers eyes. “I don’t know how to start this conversation Ale” you get out with a small smile.

She smiles down at you and pulls back though so you both are sitting up, she turns so she’s fully facing you she starts with “Baby, its me you know you can talk to me about anything” as she grabs your wine glass and places it on the table with hers.

“I know babe, I’m just worried about this changing us” You tell her as you can’t meet her eyes.

She places her knuckle under your chin and forces you to meet her eyes as she says “Baby, whatever it is, we will work through it together. I love you so much and nothing will change that”

You give her a small smile and whisper back “I love you too, and I want to expand our family babe. Seeing you with all these babies makes my heart flutter and I want a little you to be able to love.”

She smiles and shakes her head and says “I know you do, you haven’t been subtle”

At hearing this you reach out and smack her shoulder and say “Why wouldn’t you say something Ale, I have been trying to work up the nerve to this conversation for months”

She laughs at you and responds “It’s cute seeing you get riled up”

Shaking your head with a laugh you ask “So you haven’t been avoiding the conversation?”

At this she pauses, and you can see the bravado and confidence she carries in the public finally drop. You are one of the only people who ever gets to see the real Alexia. Underneath all the fame she is just like the rest of us, unsure and insecure. Many would never know but you do, and you fell in love with both versions of your love.

“Babe, look at me” you tell her, when she meets your eyes, you place your hand on her cheek and ask “what’s been going through that pretty little head of yours?”

She takes a deep breath and says “I don’t know how to do this.”

“You don’t know how to do what, love?” you ask her softly.

You give her a moment, when she responses it in one of the softest voices you have ever heard from her “Have a baby, I don’t know what I’m doing with babies and I’m scared they would hate me” she finishes with tears in her eyes.

Your heart cracks open at the insecure tone in your loves voice, you lean forward and use your thumbs to wipe her tears as you say in a soft tone “Babe, I don’t know what I’m doing either. At the end of the day it doesn’t matter, what matters is that I know I will love this baby with everything I have cause it will remind me of you”

She breaks down at this and you pull her into your arms and let her tuck her self under your chin. You rub your hands up and down her back until she starts to calm down. You adjust both of you so you are on your back and she is lying on top of you. You settle into the quiet of the night sky as you continue to rub her back and play with her hair.

“I think I could love a baby, if they were apart of you.” you hear her whisper to you.

You smile and press a kiss to the top of her head as you say “Well I for one think you would be the best mama to any children we have”

She presses her self up at this so you can look into her eyes as she says “I love you Y/N. Are we going to do this?”

You smile and nod and ask “Only if your sure love?”

She leans closer and says “Babe, the only thing Im sure of is you, and the fact that you will be the best mother in the world.”

“So thats a yes?” you ask and she nods. You shake your head and ask “Love, I need you to verbalise this for me”

“Y/N, I love you and I cannot wait to have a baby with you.” she says with a smile.

You smile back and whisper “I love you Ale” and you finally close the gap between the two of you and press your lips to hers.

#alexia putellas imagine #alexia putellas x reader #alexia putellas #woso imagine #woso x reader #woso #espwnt x reader

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mariamlovesyou · 6 months

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salam. i hope you are holding up ok w everything that is going on. i wanted to ask how you deal w being muslim and gay? i don't know anybody like me so it feels like i am a lonely unicorn. feel alienated by both my own community and the LGBT (i live in the west). i feel angry, lost etc. at both communities and i am often reluctant to practice my religion when i hear homophobic remarks etc. somehow i am too resigned to pray and then that feeling goes away and i go back to worshipping, esp when in crisis. i want to wear hijab as well but i realize that's only a response to my anger at westerners and one of the reasons i do not wear hijab is obv to avoid discrimination (i'm passing) in the professional field & also bc i think no gay woman will like me if i wear it. sorry if this question is too much, you don't have to answer, but if you have any experience or advice to share i would be grateful. thank you ❤️

hi angel .. im sorry for the late reply i had to run to an inspection when i got this i really hope u see it even though i dont know that i can offer much i just want to say im here for u.

i hope u are okay, the world is shaky and scary. im really happy u reached out to me and i think if u take anything from this it’s that reaching out is the first step. i wouldn’t say im at all entrenched in any community or fully at peace w who i am, that’s lifelong work, but it does get easier and sometimes u find little blessings in the people who show up. i feel the exact same way you do rn - alienated, angry, lost, at a crossroads. i often feel there’s no space for me anywhere and many lgbt muslims/religious gays in general feel the same especially when we’re young. i’ve also experienced periods where my faith slipped and i felt too defeated and betrayed to practice my religion fully or even in the smallest most private ways (until a few days ago i had not prayed for months since some very distressing things happened to me) but i always find myself coming back to it bc for me personally islam brings me immense comfort and grounds me, even or maybe especially after long periods of not being a “good muslim”. religion is a deeply personal thing no matter what everyone has told and will keep trying to tell u. the question is does it soothe you? does it bring you peace and comfort? away from everyone else’s eyes, do you feel connected to something higher when you take the time to do these designated rituals? i really think that’s the only thing that matters. and you might not have an answer for that rn or for a long time and that’s ok too, no one has everything figured out. stay away as much as you can from ppl u aren’t forced to be around who try to tell you how to be lgbt how to be muslim how you can’t be both etc. they’re just parroting what they think to be true and they don’t realise how draining it can be for others. protect yourself and listen to yourself. be careful what u share with whom. those r the biggest lessons i’ve learned and the only thing that’s helped make the burden feel lighter is finding other people like you and trust me when i tell u they exist!!! u just have to be a little braver and more intentional in seeking them out, if u can do so safely, bc like you they probably feel that they are alone and there’s no one else who will understand. (and when u find them, hear them out, share a little bit, but remember they are there for a sense of shared community, a delicate connection, not as a strict guide on how YOU need to be; only you decide that and that becomes easier w time)

now depending on where u are it may not be feasible to do so - i spent most of my life as an immigrant in qatar, a very small country w a death penalty or best case scenario deportation “solution” for people like us, where the idea of finding community was not only unthinkable but also seemed straight up ridiculous to me. i never tried looking, i wouldnt encourage doing so if ur in a western country that is similarly rigid unless u know what ur doing and have a support network. in this case all i can recommend is to reach out to organisations that sympathise if there are any, and hang on until ur in a safe space. BUT if there is no such threat to ur daily life, i really really urge u to seek out others like u.. and it’s likely you’ll have to look outside ur immediate circle. at first you won’t know where to look, i didn’t, i tried looking through uni, through apps, through meetups, groups specifically run by lgbt people of colour/marginalised lgbt ppl, and it will take time and a lot of trial and error and at times even ‘desperate’ or embarrassing attempts, at least it did for me. i got lucky by finding friends through friends and then friends of friends of friends etc who were like me and while i definitely wouldn’t say i connected w all of them or even liked all of them or that i have a stable network of other lgbt muslims (most of the ones i met live really far away and meetups are extremely rare but whenever i do talk to them it’s really healing) it really does help to know that somewhere not too far, u have someone who understands. so reach out. it’s hard and gruelling and isolating work but that’s the first and main thing to do to combat these unpleasant feelings of loneliness and anger. i wrestle w very complicated and conflicting things on a daily basis that most of my immediate circle couldn’t even begin to understand, so don’t do the mistake of sitting on it forever.

as for other people, gay women, muslims, whoever, i don’t have much experience here w the latter because im mostly focused on sorting myself out first before trying to fully integrate into like, being w other women in that capacity, and maybe im taking a little longer than i’d like but the good that comes out of this is im a lot less concerned about what other people have to say to me abt my identity. if gay women don’t like me bc of my hijab or my religion i really don’t gaf, they’re obviously not meant for me. don’t cater yourself to anyone but yourself, this goes for both sides. u don’t need to appease the gays by shutting down your religion and u don’t need to appease the muslims by believing u are wrong and an abomination. u were created this way, gay and it seems like u have a sort of tether to ur religion, how is that ur fault or something for u to adjust? the right people will come and the wrong ones will make it obvious (inshallah very quickly). and sometimes in our situation we find ourselves loving and deeply caring for people who just really don’t get it. that’s not ur fault either or something to resent! im starting to enjoy thinking of it as a variety. just do ur best to make sure these ppl are looking out for u and genuinely care for ur well-being even if they don’t really “get” you. and if u have no choice in the matter, hold on to the hope that people who DO get you are coming. islam is the connection between you and allah - that’s it. drown out everything else and don’t let noises distract you from that. i personally wear a hijab because it’s a part of who i am and makes me feel more protected (in a spiritual sense, i am of course very aware now that i live in australia that on a social level it can make me more of a target but i have not been threatened yet to the point of where im forced to remove it. u are not a bad muslim for choosing not to wear it, whatever ur reasoning is).

god gave us a tricky life, one can only theorise why, but what i do know is there are very few people on this earth who will understand u completely, even other lgbt muslims, and even fewer who will have ur best interest at heart. inshallah u find those few sooner rather than later, and remember the point is to let others lighten the load because this is a heavy thing to carry all by yourself. even online ppl in the same position will help. u have me 🧡 i am not experienced or developed enough to offer much more beyond this but i hope you can find some clarity and peace and i hope this helps in even a tiny way. i feel for you

#long post

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blood-and-pizza · 6 months

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What would Golden Freddy's personality be like if he wasn't shut in or what was it before he was a shut in

Allow me to answer this with a little Fazbear Estate history lesson.

Golden Freddy was the first horror animatronic produced by Fazbear Entertainment. When he was first introduced to Classic Freddy and his band to promote the first FNAF game, he was eager, hopeful, and a bit nervous. Eager, because at the time he really looked up to the Classic band, and was looking forward to working with them. Hopeful, because if he did a good job promoting the new game, it would likely lead to sequels, meaning more chances for him to perform for people and make them happy. Nervous, because he was something totally new from Fazbear Entertainment, and he didn't want to disappoint anyone.

Golden Freddy actively tried to befriend the Classics, and at first, they seemed to accept him... even if they personally had hang-ups about being portrayed as scary murderous robots. After all, Golden Freddy was young and new, freshly programmed. It was only fair to give someone like him a chance at being part of the Fazbear Family. Sure, he was a little too talkative at times, but that was because he was excited at getting to explore the world outside Fazbear Entertainment's HQ. They thought his eagerness was kind of cute and even charming.

And then "The Incident" happened. Golden Freddy scared someone with a heart condition, which gave them a heart attack and almost killed them. Golden Freddy didn't even know this person had a heart condition, and if he had known, he never would have scared them to begin with. The Classics, however, wouldn't hear of it. They knew Golden Freddy was only following his programming, but if doing that could potentially harm a human, then their thought was that there was something inherently WRONG with Golden Freddy... not unlike how they responded to Funtime Freddy, in fact.

In response to "The Incident", Fazbear Entertainment retired Golden Freddy to Fazbear Estate, deciding that was a better option than forcing the public to sign safety waivers before attending a FNAF promotional event. This upset Golden Freddy considerably, but what upset him more was that the Classics were actively avoiding him, even Foxy, who at the time was a bit iffy at being seen as scary (his newfound popularity as a horror icon hadn't quite kicked off yet). Classic Freddy was particularly hesitant to talk to Golden, which broke his mechanical heart the most. So, losing all hope in making friends and being happy, Golden Freddy locked himself in his room at the Estate and refused to come out. He had a charging station and internet access, so he wouldn't exactly NEED to come out... but he would be very, very lonely.

It was at that point Classic Freddy realized that he and the other Classics really screwed up with Golden Freddy. They had essentially destroyed him. Someone as new as him didn't deserve that. Classic Freddy did try to apologize to Golden, standing outside his door and doing his best to convince him to come out of his room. Golden didn't believe Classic's sincerity, however. He snapped at him in anger and demanded to be left alone. "You have already made it very clear that you think there is something wrong with me! Why should I believe you are actually sorry!? I bet you are just apologizing so I can go back to looking up to you like the starstruck idiot I was! SCREW YOU! You are a jerk, and so are your bandmates!" Humbled by this, Classic left Golden without another word.

(Note: you may have noticed that Golden didn't use contractions in his speech patterns at the time. This is actually typical of newer Fazbear Entertainment animatronics. When they're fresh off the assembly line, they don't use contractions and have a tendency to sound a little too formal when they speak. It's only by listening to human speech regularly that they eventually learn how to sound more "natural" and use contractions. Just thought I'd mention that.)

Since that day, Classic Freddy has tried pretty much everything to make things up to Golden. However, nothing he did worked, mainly because he was the only one in his band trying to fix things. Classic Bonnie keeps telling Freddy that Golden is a lost cause. Chica is afraid of Golden Freddy and what he's capable of. As for Foxy... even though he now has a very appreciative outlook of being seen as scary nowadays, he feels way too guilty about Golden Freddy to try and patch things up. It's one thing about his past he'd rather bury and forget about because he's so ashamed. Foxy is extra-nice to the other horror animatronics to try and make up for this, but he knows he's not actually facing the problem. He's afraid to, plain and simple.

So, in a shellnut: Golden used to be a happy, optimistic young bear who just wanted to make friends and make people happy... and now he's depressed, angry, lonely, and bitter. And he cries a lot...

You know, someone jokingly responded to my post about the Freddys at the Estate swearing by implying Golden would have a potty mouth. At first, I was like, "NOOOO, GOLDEN IS A GOOD BOY" but honestly? After giving it some thought? Considering how angry he's become... and only really having the internet for entertainment... yeah, he's definitely a potty mouth nowadays, at least when he bothers to talk to anyone. The only time he won't swear is if there's a child present.

I will say that the happy bear he used to be is still in there somewhere. He just needs a friend, a real one. He just... doesn't really trust anyone anymore. It would take someone with a lot of patience and understanding to get him to come out of his shell, and his room.

#fnaf #fnaf au #fazbear estate au #golden freddy #tw: swearing #freddy fazbear #chica the chicken #bonnie the bunny #foxy the pirate fox #ask

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busyfish · 9 months

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i do not really know how to properly articulate how lonely i am.

like i have some friends and stuff i can play games with and stuff and it is super cool and everything

but i also just feel like i have missed out on so much of like what most people seem to really take for granted.

i have never been asked out, never been in a real relationship, i haven't like even really had a normal relationship with my family.

most everyone just sort of avoids me because they either do not understand me or just have given up trying to like do anything with me.

and that's been like my memory for as long as i can remember.

i have been very heavily avoided.

i just wish like even if it was for a week that i had someone who like checked in with me a few times during the day to make sure i'm okay and that i feel loved.

maybe make sure i have eaten and like i don't know, prop me up or something when i'm feeling bad or insecure.

someone who wants to actually listen to what i have to say about things i am passionate about.

i thought maybe it was true that if you put yourself out there and try your best to make your own happiness it would work.

i really did try. i maybe even have gone too far at this point to try but it's honestly been a net negative.

a lot of like of my self worth has just taken a nose dive and i just feel like i am mostly just some one to use in most people's eyes.

the people who i have felt comfortable with and have like made some connection with do not really have a lot of time for me, which is super okay and i do not have anything bad to say about it, i am just saying it would be nice to have someone there for me for some things.

just want like i guess *my person* who i know wants me to come to them at anytime and wants to come to me when they need me.

i want to feel needed.

i don't want to feel used.

the worst part is i feel like any time i have this stuff to get off my chest it just gets overlooked.

people will wish me well but are definitely like "i just cannot be the one to deal with you"

even if they don't say it, i can feel it.

i get a lot of pity from people and it's really embarrassing.

i honestly just write all this stuff down now because i have no idea what else to do.

i *did* try.

i did all the scary stuff. i made the moves. i was vulnerable. i said the things. i tried to keep up and keep track.

i even like asked someone to like do activities with me.

it still really hurts.

i think outright rejection would have been so much easier.

i got so carried away when they told me yes.

some of the other conversation really like also got me carried away.

i thought there was going to be something there and maybe it was going to be my time for happiness. i thought i had done the thing everyone says you have to do and i did it correctly.

for a moment i felt like a real person.

but honestly, i think the thing i need to work on the most is realizing i will never be a real or normal person and maybe it is time to just accept the loneliness and stop dreaming of getting myself out of this pit

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ladybirdplace · 4 months

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Mindfulness

Content Warning: Descriptions of autistic overstimulation and panic attacks. Mentions of suicidality and passing mention of self harm.

You know, I’ve never really resonated with mindfulness at all. Being in the present moment is the exact moment that I do not want to be in when I’m upset.

Being present is scary. I know that the kind of people who have therapized me in the past would find it hard to believe that when I’m panicking, I am in the present moment. Yes, maybe I am thinking about the future or the past but being within the moment itself is bad enough if you know something is gonna happen to you. It doesn’t matter if it won’t happen right that instant, just the fact that it’s going to happen is bad enough.

I don’t panic about possible events or things like that, I panic solely about things that are going to happen, commitments I’ve made that I cannot get out of, going somewhere I don’t wanna be, talking to people, being around people, doing things I don’t want to do, and my panic is only abated if whatever is going to happen is called off, nothing more, nothing less.

I hate being conscious of my body. I already am hyper conscious of my body because I’m autistic. I hate thinking about my breathing, or feeling anything at all, actually.

I’m extremely conscious of the fact that my entire body is tensing and radiating heat, my hearing is muffled and my head is full of cotton, adrenaline is slowly being fed into my bloodstream with every second that passes and there is an increasing pressure inside my skin pressing outward trying to break my skin open unless I start hurting myself to release it.

Even when I’m not panicking, being conscious of my body makes me feel worse, not better.

And knowing what I’m feeling isn’t the problem. I know exactly what I’m feeling and why and exactly from what mental problem of mine it comes from. That doesn’t help at all.

This is more CBT stuff, but my emotions don’t respond to reason. In fact, them being irrational is part of the problem. The fact that I know they’re irrational makes me more scared or upset or angry. I feel helpless because I am helpless to my emotions. My emotions ruin my fucking life every day of my life, and very little helps at all.

And sometimes, the only reason I haven’t killed myself yet is because my instinct to avoid any risk at all, to think myself into the ground before I do anything, wouldn’t allow me to do anything so dangerous.

I’m still working on the process of just letting my thoughts pass without attaching any emotional significance to them, knowing that they often are trying to provoke me. I’m not good at it at all. Having OCD and ADD sucks because I’ll decide not to acknowledge my intrusive thoughts or refuse to do a mental compulsion and immediately forget that I was trying to do that and get swept up in the thought.

That's really the only standard mindfulness practice I actually find useful.

But of course, this post is about the way that I mostly practice mindfulness in regards to my love for myself.

My favorite thing is when I’m sad or lonely or worried, and suddenly I think of myself, how I’m there with myself. It’s like your partner looking at you, and saying, "hi!"

And you say, "hi," and smile. And you remember you’re not alone.

And I say to myself, "I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. I married you for a reason. I’m your spouse, no matter what. I chose you. I still choose you. I’m going to stay with you. And I’ll always be with you. Remember all we've been through? I understand. I hear you."

And then I smile, and feel better.

It's really the only grounding that makes me feel better at all. Nothing else works.

I’m doing my best to give myself as much care as possible. This winter has hit me hard, and I constantly feel lonely and needy.

I crave love and affection, and I’m trying to do my best to give it to myself instead of spiraling into rumination and hopelessness.

#ladybird speaks #autosexual #autosexuality #autoromantic #autoromanticism #self care #mindfulness #I have the mindfulness tag blocked actually lol

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twilightmalachite · 5 months

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PORTRAIT - Ah, still delay—thou art so ■■■ 13

Author: Akira

Characters: Akiomi, Izumi

Translator: Mika Enstars

"I-I’m a model, not a hero, alright?! Ask RYUSEITAI’s Sagami Jin for that instead, please!"

[Read on my blog for the best viewing experience with Oi~ssu ♪]

Season: Winter

Location: Department Store's Furniture Area

???: ……

Izumi: What? Wha? What? What is thaaaat!?

Akiomi: D-Don’t speak, Sena-kun! You’ll bite your tongue!

Izumi: Carry me more gently then, idiot! You’re shaking and shaking me and it’s scary, scary, scary!

Akiomi: Be grateful, instead! You’re shockingly slow, Sena-kun, it didn’t look like you’d be able to get away, so I picked you into my arms!

I could have easily just left someone as hateful and un-cute as you behind to die and run away on my own, you know!

Izumi: Haah? Who’s un-cute? I’ll kill you!

Akiomi: If you want me to protect you, don’t tell me you’ll kill me!

Izumi: It’s not like I asked you to, did IIII?!

???: ……

Izumi: Eek!? That monster! I-It threw something! It threw something sharp!

Akiomi: Whoa, I guess they’re throwing equipment and stuff that’s lying around the place, huh… It’ll be really bad if something like your head gets hit, so try to avoid them, please!

Izumi: H-How am I supposed to avoid them? It’s dark, I can barely see a thing! You risk your life to protect me! Isn't that your responsibility?!

Akiomi: Well, it’s not like I’m your guardian or anything like that…?

???: ……

Izumi: Eeek!? It keeps throwing more things! Hurry and do something, idiot! Beat it, just like those guys in weird clothes do on TV!

Akiomi: I-I’m a model, not a hero, alright?! Ask RYUSEITAI’s Sagami Jin for that instead, please!

Izumi: Haah? What’s Ryusaytai? Sagamey Jin?

Akiomi: Oh, you never heard of that guy, even though he’s famous? Apparently Sagami Jin belongs to a unit by that name over at Yumenosaki Academy—

Izumi: Never heard of him. I don’t care about anyone other than Yuu-kun and I.

Akiomi: What a lonely life you live.

Izumi: Shut up! Shut up, shut up, don’t you pity me!

Akiomi: Ow ow ow!? Please don’t claw at my face!

Ahh, enough! Forget a wolf at the front gate and a tiger at the back—There’s a suspicious person at the front gate and a shitty brat at the back![1]

Izumi: What does that mean? I know you just said something mean about me! I’ll kill you!

Akiomi: (Aghh!? Why on earth am I doing this…!?)

(Ahh, I want to go back to my peaceful everyday life where I’m bored out of my mind! How come it’s instead turning out like a horror movie, where I’m being attacked by a monster in a department store in the middle of the night?!)

(Who am I to complain? Would I not have had to go through this if I had just kept away from these troublesome kids?)

(If I had just left them to fend for themselves in their harsh lives, even though they’re only just tiny boys…?)

(If I had pretended I saw nothing and treated it as none of my business?)

(…Doing so would make me no different than any other, despicable adult.)

(Those at the agency, those at the photography studio, and those parents who think they love these children…)

(Not one of them took what these children had to say seriously.)

(And so that’s why these children had no choice but to hold each other’s hands and rely on each other’s support instead.)

(If I give up on these children here, who else will stand for them?)

(For these poor, innocent children—)

Izumi: Kunugi! Kunugi-senpai!

Akiomi: What is it now!?

Izumi: There’s something vibrating under your pants!

Akiomi: My underpants? Why would it do that? Wait, you mean in my pants—Huh, is my mobile ringing?

Izumi: Moble?

Akiomi: I guess they’re not called that anymore, are they… Umm, who on earth could be calling me so late at night?

Akiomi: (Hm? Narukami-kun? It’s that kid that’s calling me, right?)

(But I already took them home, didn’t I…? Or, maybe it’s to apologize for all the trouble they caused me today?)

(You’re very civil when it comes to things like that, Narukami-kun. You try their hardest to gauge other’s feelings and act as accordingly as possible.)

(You’re giving it your all to be liked, admirably and desperately.)

(But it’s the opposite of what one would consider child-like, so adults might not think of you as cute, but…)

(I think you’re cute, that aspect included.)

Izumi: Hey. That’s a phone, isn’t it? Don’t you gotta answer it?

Akiomi: W-We need to get away from that costume and find somewhere safe, first!

Izumi: Costume? By that, do you mean that monster?

Akiomi: Correct! It might look like a real monster in the dark light, but monsters aren’t real—Meaning that must be someone inside a costume!

Meaning, we are currently being chased not by a monster, but by a creep in a costume! Either way, it’s a dangerous, or even a very serious situation, though!

Izumi: Hmm… Does that mean it’s human?

If it’s a human, that means it’ll get hurt if you hit it, and if you kill it, it’ll die, right?

Akiomi: You’re not wrong, but listen to me, I can’t do anything like fight it, okay?! I’ve lived my entire life honestly!

And yet, this is what I get…! God, please have mercy on me!

I’ve been making an honest effort to be a good boy, can’t I get rewarded just a little?!

Izumi: Hmph… You’re not the only one here doing their honest best.

Well, whatever. If you can’t answer the phone, Kunugi-senpai, then I will. I have the time since I’m being carried around.

Akiomi: Do you really have the time?!

Izumi: It doesn’t look like that costume can see well and is moving slowly. And everything they’re throwing is missing. It’s not all that scary if you keep your cool.

Izumi: Umm. You press this to pick up, I think? Hello?

…Hm? Who are you?

Akiomi: Hey, don’t answer people’s phones without their permission! Seriously, what are your parents teaching you?!

Izumi: You can say all the bad things you want about Papa and Mama, but I won’t let you.

Akiomi: Ow ow ow!? Please don’t pinch my cheek! Aiming for a model’s face is off-limits!

Izumi: Papa and Mama just suck at a lot of things. So they do a lot of things wrong. But still, they’re honestly doing the best they can—

So it's annoying when someone other than me says bad things about Papa and Mama.

[ ☆ ]

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The saying “tiger at the front gate, wolf at the back gate” refers to when you think you've escaped a danger, only to encounter a second one.

#portrait #scout #translation #izumi sena #akiomi kunugi

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creativia10 · 1 year

Text

Playing Pretend the Human Way

Prompt: The Collector meets a younger Luz

Warnings: could be seen as one misgendering, (it's unintentional though)

Wordcount: 3630

Notes: Requested by Videogamegal on AO3

Yay, another fic with the collector. I loved young Luz's look in Camila's memory of Luz showing other kids a snakeskin she found. Let me know if anyone wants me to continue this.

The Collector said he would go back to the stars to do some thinking, but they didn’t really know what they were doing. It had been a while since the Collector had been among the stars after all. He just hoped he’d be able to avoid their siblings for a bit though. Not that they were sure how, but they’d try. He was still mad at them.

So there he was, just flying through space. Occasionally he’d play with something harmless that was drifting in space. Although his time among the mortals gave him pause on whether this was the case. Not being sure he just sighed and kept going.

It was honestly kind of boring, and still lonely. He knew eventually he’d come across something else worthwhile. Space was big after all. But they couldn’t help but keep thinking of the ones he left behind.

Luz and some of the others seemed nice and all. But the Collector was well aware of how much he had messed up for them. He didn’t want to chance making anything worse by sticking around.

He didn’t really feel as powerful as he was when they had to think about the limitations of smaller beings. He had never minded his power before. Until he was made aware of how detrimental that could be left unchecked. Particularly around smaller beings like Luz.

In a way, it was nice the others trusted the Collector to know what would be best for him, but he didn’t know what he was doing.

He still just wanted to play. And get to see more of friends who were kids like him, like Luz.

Just as he thought that, a black hole appeared in front of them. Now, the Collector probably could have resisted its pull. But the sudden appearance threw him off guard.

They probably spent too long wondering how it popped up so quickly. It pulled him in. He screamed and threw his arms up as they were pulled through. Again, for some reason, the Collector tended to forget what they were capable of.

Once he had fallen through the black hole, the Collector saw the opening dropped him from the sky. It took a few more seconds of falling for the Collector to remember themselves. He took a breath and flipped forward once before creating a star for themself to float on. Just in time too it would seem, because the star was hovering a few centimeters from the ground.

They probably would have been fine, but still. It probably wouldn’t have been fun. He heard a gasp nearby and turned towards it.

A little girl was staring at them in awe. She had light brown skin, and dark hair in braids facing different directions. There were also barrettes in her hair. She was wearing a small jeans overalls dress over a pink shirt with short sleeves and yellow boots. One of her hands was holding a snakeskin.

“Oh my gosh!” She exclaimed. For some reason, she was the only kid on the playground. She ran over to him.

“You fell out of the sky! And then you caught yourself with a floating star, that is so cool! Are you from another world? That is so cool if you are! How did you get here? You must have powers or something! I’ve always wanted to have powers, what’s it like?”

The collector blinked at her. This girl had a lot of energy. He wasn’t used to getting this much enthusiasm.

“Uh, yes? I mean…” He looked around.

“I don’t really know where I am right now, so I’m not sure.”

Luz tilted her head.

“That sounds scary. Are you ok? How old are you? You look like you’re a kid like me. Don’t worry, I’m sure we can get someone to help you. Do you have parents we can try and contact? I’m sure my momma would help. I don’t know if she’s helped aliens before though, but she can do anything.”

“Um…”

The Collector hugged his knees to their chest. They didn’t really know what they wanted to do. But this girl seemed nice.

“I think I’m going to be okay,” He said hesitantly. They didn’t really want to go back to wandering in the stars yet. Not when he had found someone new to maybe play with on his own, even if he didn’t know how he got here.

“Maybe we could play a little bit first? I’ve been bored.”

They would try to follow her lead with it at first though. That’s one thing the collector wanted to work on, learning how his friends liked to play. He wanted to play with friends after all, without anyone getting hurt.

The girl’s eyes widened and she gasped.

“YES! I would love to play with you!”

She was jumping up and down now, smiling big.

The Collector smiled at her enthusiasm.

“It’s so great to have a friend to play with! My name’s Luz Noceda! What’s your name?” She asked.

The Collector gasped.

“Luz?”

She tilted her head.

“Yeah?”

He had thought there had been something familiar about this girl. Even if she was clearly much younger than the Luz they knew.

Did he somehow go back in time? Unless this was an alternate universe. Honestly, there were many possible explanations for this. Although, now he was curious what Luz had been like as a kid like him. He already knew he liked the original as a friend after all.

“Uh, I go by The Collector,” He said.

She scrunched her face in thought.

“The Collector? That sounds like a character name. What do you collect?”

“Uh, well, I would like to collect friends.”

She giggled at that. “Oh, that’s cute.”

He laughed back. “Heh yeah. Anyway, what do you wanna play?”

She tapped her face in thought.

“Hm, well we could play pretend. That’s one of my favorites.”

He smiled.

“That’s one of mine too.”

Luz cheered and clapped her hands.

“Great! Oo, we could be like superhero witches. I will have snake powers and you can collect I don’t know something that gives you powers, it’s up to you. And we can save weird kids from bullies and journey to defeat the evil Queen bee who targets princesses that need saving.”

“Oh, that sounds fun,” The Collector said.

They then continued, “Maybe I collect palisman, and they are my friends who fight with us!”

“What are palisman?” Luz asked.

“Oh, they’re like magical creatures that are animals made from wood. They can do all kinds of stuff.”

“Oh ok. That sounds cool.”

Luz turned around and took on a fighting pose, looking at something that wasn’t there.

“Fear not, fellow kids! The great Luzura and The Collector are here to save you from these bullies!”

The Collector smiled and took on his own pose. He chanced looking to the side to see there were other kids there. They just weren’t on the playground. The other kids were hiding with their parents, seeming like they wanted to leave.

The collector frowned.

“Why don’t we ask those kids to play with us?” He asked.

Luz wilted slightly.

“They’re not gonna want to play with us. They ran away from me earlier.”

The collector frowned and glared at those kids before turning back to Luz.

“Well, we don’t need them. I can make this game way more fun without stinky kids that run away from you.”

The Collector lifted their hands forward. Sparkling stardust circled his hands. Luz looked at it in awe.

“Do you want me to take us to a cool place to play or give us real opponents to fight?” He asked, because they wanted to consider what Luz would want this time.

Luz tilted her head again.

“Real opponents? I don’t know how to actually fight though.”

“I mean, they could be puppets,” The Collector added.

“Puppets? Who would control them if you’re fighting beside me?” Luz asked.

“I could do both,” The Collector said.

“Oh really? That’s cool. But I don’t want to make you do more for our game.”

“It’s okay,” The collector said, “I don’t mind.”

Luz shook her head. “No, I think it should be fair. Because you’re my friend.”

The collector gaped at her.

“Oh, ok. What if I just put dummies there, and we both pretend they’re doing stuff.”

“Oh ok,” Luz said. “We could try that.”

The Collector snapped his fingers and made two them-sized puppets appear in front of them. The puppets looked like some mean kids the Collector had seen before. It wasn’t actually those kids as puppets this time. They did stand there on their own though.

“Oo, that is so cool that you can do that!” Luz exclaimed.

The Collector smiled at her.

“Thanks! Now we definitely have the better game without those lame kids who ran from you!”

The collector wasn’t actually sure about that, but he hoped it made Luz happy anyways.

Luz smiled at him.

“Yeah ok.”

Luz started to move her arms and legs in moves of imaginary blasts toward the puppet girl in front of her. She made sound effects with her mouth. He noticed she didn’t actually touch her puppet opponent with her swings.

The Collector watched her for a moment, so he could get an idea of what level to follow in this pretend game. He didn’t want to go overboard again after all.

He summoned painted wooden figures of palisman he had seen before. They rested on his shoulders and sat around him on the ground. One on his shoulder was of a small snake.

They heard some whispering from the people by the benches, but he didn’t really care. They were too busy playing with his friend.

He gathered two palisman in his hands, a red cardinal one and a dog. He moved his hands forward, one at a time, and pretended to shoot something with them. It was weird holding back like this. Luz didn’t seem to have a problem doing so herself. And well, playing along side her was more fun than actually doing anything to the puppets anyways.

“Snake blast!” Luz called out as she pushed the puppet over with two hands out.

Luz turned around and gave them an adorable gap-toothed smile. The Collector smiled back and held out both arms for his own final blast.

“Uh, Palisman blast!”

However, he forgot to hold back this time. As he pushed his arms forward twin star blasts shot their puppet way into the distance.

The two kids just stared at where the puppet had been blasted to.

The Collector laughed a little sheepishly and scratched the back of their head.

“Uhh…oops? Heh, don’t worry. I can uh make a new one if we need to.”

Before Luz could say anything to that, a familiar woman started to walk over to them. The collector thought he remembered her as one of their puppets. Also, someone Luz hugged when everyone was reuniting after Belos was defeated. Luz’s mother maybe? That would make sense given where they were.

“Uh, excuse me, but who are you?” The mother asked.

The Collector shrank back and started to hide behind Luz.

“Mama, it’s okay!” Luz exclaimed.

“He’s my friend and he’s really nice.”

The Collector almost corrected Luz on his use of he and they. But refrained from now as he waited to see how her mother would respond to them.

Her mama looked to Luz and then back to The Collector, softening a bit. She still seemed unsure about something though.

“I uh I don’t mean any harm, really,” The Collector said, shuffling in place a bit.

“I just wanted to play. I’m sorry for scaring you. But I promise I don’t want to hurt Luz.”

Her mama sighed and knelt down to meet their level.

“What’s your name?”

The Collector looked down. They figured an adult would react differently to his name.

“I’ve always gone by The Collector.”

Her mama blinked at that.

“Okay…Collector. How old are you? Are you actually a kid?”

Despite the questions, she didn’t look as skeptical as he expected.

“Yeah I am, and uh…” They would have to think about it.

“I’m not sure if my kind refers to age in the same way as you all do.”

Her mama pursed her lips at that.

“Okay. Well, do you have anyone to look after you?”

The Collector tilted their head in thought.

“I’m not sure. I mean, I came from up there,” The Collector pointed to the sky. Both Luz and her Mama looked up where he pointed.

“I don’t know if I have parents the way you all do though. It’s hard to explain. There are my siblings the archivists. But I’ve been trying to avoid them since they dared me to go down on the planet to go play with the Titans. Since that led to me being captured for hundreds of years. Over something that was their fault. So I’m still mad at them. I did make some friends on the planet that are adults. But I kind of told everybody I would do some growing up back in the stars after a mess I caused with them. It’s more boring in space than I remembered though.”

Both Luz and her Mama blinked at that.

“…okay. So what I’m hearing is that you’re here by yourself?” Luz’s Mama asked.

The collector sighed. “Yeah…”

“Well,” Her Mama started. She looked to the side to see the other people there talking amongst themselves. Some were getting out their cell phones.

“First, do you know how to take care of that thing you blasted away from here?” She asked.

The Collector shrugged.

“Maybe, I’m not sure where it went though,” They said.

Her Mama sighed and muttered something in Spanish under her breath.

“Alright, we can worry about that later. For now, unless you know of somewhere you can go, I think we should get out of here,” She said.

“What? Why?” The Collector tilted their head.

“Well…” She hesitated as she looked over the Collector and Luz.

“Many people here saw you doing things most people think aren’t possible,” She said.

“Oh?” The Collector asked and looked around. He hadn’t really thought about that. It didn’t usually matter.

“Ohh,” Luz said, “You think they’ll be mean to him about it?” She asked.

“…yes,” Her Mama said.

“So how about we go somewhere else for now? Only if you’re comfortable with it of course,” She said, looking to the Collector.

The Collector shrugged.

“Okay. I don’t think they can really do anything to me, but if you’re concerned, I’d rather go where I can keep playing,” They said.

“Oh, it’ll be fun to actually have a play date at my house,” Luz said.

Luz’s Mama walked back over to the bench to grab a bag she had left next to it. By then, there were no other mothers on that bench anymore.

“Oo,” The Collector said, “Do you want me to take you all back home faster?”

Never mind he didn’t actually know where they lived.

Luz’s Mama hesitated.

“Uh, can you do that?”

The Collector shrugged.

“Sure, you’ll just have to let me look into your mind so I can teleport us to where you’re thinking of.”

“…or I can just take us back there the way I brought Luz and I.”

The Collector shrugged.

“Okay.”

So this was the house where Luz lived in the human realm? It was much smaller than the castle the Collector created for themselves in the Boiling Isles. Luz and her Mama seemed to have no problem with it though.

Luz had been jumping and chattering the whole way to the house.

“Oo, I’ll go set up a play area for us!” Luz exclaimed before she darted off. The Collector thought he saw her grabbing some pillows and blankets. The Collector smiled and went to go join her when Luz’s mama put a hand on their shoulder. The Collector jumped. She removed her hand.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you. I just wanted to talk to you for a moment,” She said.

“Uh, okay,” The Collector said. They were still nervous around nonfriends now. After everything that had happened in the Boiling Isles.

“About what happened at the playground. I know you said you didn’t mean to, but I wanted to know if you knew of a way to control your abilities any better. My house is a bit more enclosed that the park, and I would like to avoid any potential damage.”

“Oh, uh, I think so?” The Collector shifted. “To be honest, restraining my abilities is a bit of a new thing to me. I’m sorry.”

“Oh, it’s okay mijo. I wish I could help you. Wasn’t there anyone who taught you how to use your powers?” She asked.

“Well yeah. My siblings did. But they didn’t really care about restraint either. Honestly the first times I really had to control myself more to avoid harm would have been when I was playing with my friend King and-“

They paused as he had to think about the situation they were in.

“Um, I’m not sure I can say.”

Luz’s Mama looked concerned about that.

“What do you mean?”

“Uh, well…” He sighed. They were going to have to deal with this eventually. Even if all he had wanted to do was play with another kid, and know what one of his friends was like closer to his age. Well physically, he didn’t really know how that worked.

“Well, uh, there’s a possibility I’m from your future, as I know an older version of your daughter. Either that or this is an alternate universe. I wouldn’t be able to know for sure without comparing the similarities to the life of the Luz I know. But I wouldn’t know all the details anyways.”

Luz’s Mama’s eyes widened at that. She muttered something in Spanish again.

“And these are things you consider a possibility for you?” She asked.

The Collector shrugged.

“I haven’t experienced them myself, but yeah. Given what I know about Luz, and how she seemed familiar to me. Plus, I know that there are a lot of possibilities out there in space, even if I haven’t done everything myself. I don’t know how I got here. Maybe a black hole. I was just thinking about Luz before it appeared and dragged me here. I can’t remember the last time I created something by accident like that though. Let alone, how to replicate it,

The Collector continued, “I don’t really wanna go back yet anyways. I’m having fun playing with a kid who actually wants to play with me and isn’t lying. Who I also didn’t have to force to play with me. And yeah, I know I shouldn’t force people to play with me. My friends taught me that. I have tried to be sure I don’t do anything to harm Luz,” The Collector rambled.

“Okay, so that is a lot to unpack there. I guess you can’t help if you don’t know how to get back. You can stay here for now,” She said.

“Thanks, Luz’s Mama! I appreciate it,” The Collector said.

She laughed at that.

“You’re welcome. You can call me Camila. I do think though, if you can help it, you should try and go back,” She said.

The Collector pouted, “Why?”

“Well, because this isn’t where you’re from, kiddo,”

Camila said, “You said you were thinking about my daughter before you came here. Maybe you need to go back and talk with that one.”

The Collector fidgeted with his sleeve.

“I haven’t been gone that long though. What if she and the others think I didn’t care enough about my wrongdoings to return so soon?” They asked.

“I feel like I’m missing some context here. Was this a punishment?” Camila asked.

“Not technically. I wanted to do what was best for the world my friends live in. I made a mess of it, and I want to be better,” The Collector said.

“You said you were alone right? And that you’re a child?” Camila asked.

The Collector nodded.

“From my understanding as a parent, most children need guidance. From important adults in their lives. Like families and teachers. If you’re not ready to be with your siblings maybe you should talk to your friends about how you feel. I’m not sure if I’d trust the archivists anyways. Giving the benefit of the doubt is easier when I understand the situation better. Who you are comfortable with is important too though. Especially when it concerns yourself as a person or uh being.”

The Collector hmmed. Staying on that planet sounded nice actually. Even if he did have to learn more about safe restrictions. It would be worth it though. Friendship had always been most important to them.

“Maybe you’re right.”

The Collector stepped up to her. “Can I give you a hug?” They asked.

Camila smiled at him.

“Of course.”

She bent down and opened his arms for him to lean in and hug her. It was nice.

Luz came back over to them, holding many stuffed animals.

“Okay! I think it’s ready! Let me know what you think Collector,” She cheered.

The Collector pulled back and shot Camila another smile, before giving one to Luz.

“Okay!” They ran over and followed Luz to see what she had set up for the two of them.

Maybe it was okay to enjoy this for now. Then he could see how he could go back and return to the Boiling Isles.

#the owl house #toh fanfic #luz noceda #toh the collector #toh spoilers #toh camila #Creativia toh fics #Creativia requested fics #The Collector and little Luz

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tofangirlornottofangirl · 7 months

Note

ya know chances for gojo having a loving partner in the manga have died alongside geto no literally, i could never realistically imagine him with anyone else, even he never showed any interest besides geto if we gonna interpret it that way? but at least i can rest easy that his fangirls got him covered in fanfics

like listen, as much as i try to avoid them, i've seen some pretty good and well characterized fanfics where he actually finds love in another person (aka self inserts, ocs, readers you name it)

bottom line, this is kinda outta nowhere but i've seen one of ur posts about him so i just wanted to share, hope u okay with that :)

if we go super realistic, then unless his partner is super strong and capable of protecting/defending themselves, they will automatically have a target on their back. like gojo had bounties on his head as a child, but he became stronger and basically unkillable when he got older. anyone he is too close to is a target for people who want to get to him somehow, we even see this with people who are under his care/his students. the people in power playing politics will use these people to hurt gojo because they can't get to them. ie realistically gojo's biggest weaknesses are the people he chooses to let in. (this is literally also canon with the sealing, flashbacks and basically everything that happened with geto, and what not). so like, realistically the best option would have been yuki if they were attracted to each other. i suspect gojo keeps most people out either consciously to keep a distance or because he has emotionally just developed that way and unconsciously keeps an emotional distance. hence the playboy appearance but i don't think that's him being an actual playboy, just personally. it feels more like he doesn't go much further than light-hearted banter and flirting, and it's pretty clear to anyone that he's not emotionally attached (if we're talking short term relationships/dating or something like flings even. he's not breaking hearts by being deceptive, if he's breaking hearts it's because people want him but can't have him. just what it seems like to me personally)

[Also I've literally never thought about this before. this is just what came to mind right now after reading your ask.]

If we disregard any of those things and give gojo a little bit of a nicer hc world to live in where things didn't go as wrong, it seems like geto was basically the only person he ever learned to rely on for anything, someone to share his burdens, and he was the only person who got to him as a person, not the strongest, not a weapon, not the power ceiling size eyes user but as simply satoru. he probably learned to be emotionally vulnerable for the first time ever with geto because geto was strong and capable of taking care of himself , but also saw satoru as the lost and lonely teenager he was (look how serious/scary he seemed as a kid. that kid saw and knew too much. the "fun" personality he developed is probably a result of some kind of nihilism to deal with the reality that he would be carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders). so no matter what the nature of their relationship was, it was likely gojo's strongest bond and the one that had the most impact on him. and then he couldn't save geto, despite being the strongest, which made him question what that power was even good for if he couldn't even save the people closest to him. he decided he needed allies that would be just as strong if not stronger than him. because then he wouldn't have to keep saving or losing people alone.

[as an aside, personally, power dynamics in a (romantic) relationship, ie one person having significantly more power over the other person in a relationship, is my personal biggest nightmare/pet peeve. i hate unequal relationships. if the person with power isn't a narcissistic manipulative asshole, then the relationship sucks for both people. sure you can probably learn a lot but there are other ways to do that]

anyway, I'm glad we get to discuss some of the emotional and relational aspects of jjk because there's so much subtext. most people in the story have heavy heavy trauma in their lives. more than half of the cast don't even have a family or, well, anyone other than the people at jujutech to rely on. and it was understood from the character dialogues that a lot of them (aside from gojo's students, who are specifically being taken in a different direction) choose to keep their distance from other sorcerers so they don't have to keep mourning the deaths of their friends and peers all the time. so yeah.

sorry your ask seemed light-hearted and this got a bit heavy. i'm just at a point in life where i have to consider relationships with other people way more than i want to so these topics have become relevant in my life now

I don't even remember how we got here lol. Sorry

#ask and ye shall be answered #my blog is basically a gojo blog now #hes not even in my top five favourite characters lol but no one will believe that just from looking at my blog #he got way more interesting to me as a character in these latest chapters #i started to care about him a little more #when i just watched the anime (s1) and the movie #he was a bit more one dimensional to me #idk just like a “fun” silly sensei #but reading the manga drastically changed my perspective and idek why its pretty much the same character #but you look at kid gojo and teen gojo and realise there's a lot of depth to his character #and you just want to out him in your pocket and keep him safe for a while #just so he can catch a break FROM GEGE #*put him

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