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junkdrawerfics · 1 year

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What's Imprinting?

Jasper Hale X Reader

Summary: You are a wolf shift, except you have no clue what that is. During your search for someone like you, someone who can explain what's happening, you run into a certain vampire and you, what did he call it? You imprint on him apparently!

Word Count: 2037

Note: So this plays with the idea that there are other wolf shifters besides the Quileute tribe, mainly because I am not Native American and don't feel comfortable writing a reader that explicitly is. No origin is stated, so it's open to all.

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When you first shifted, every facet of your reality shifted with you.

Suddenly, things you thought were just stories became disturbingly real. Every monster. Every myth. You couldn’t rule any of them out, not when you could turn into a massive wolf and run faster than a car.

The worst part was not knowing why. And you couldn’t ask just anyone.

So you left. There had to be someone who could explain why this happened to you. Someone like you. Somewhere. Finding them turns out to be harder than you think though, because, like you, someone who can turn into a wolf doesn’t exactly want the world to know about them.

So now, after a year of searching, you’re in Washington. On the brink of giving up.

Letting out a low huff, you drop yourself onto the edge of the cliff, staring down at the waves below you. The dark water crashes against the rocks, as if it’s trying to rip the cliff away, mist spraying high into the air. The salty smell of the ocean drifts up on the soft breeze. You take a deep breath, trying to rid yourself of the lingering city scent.

Seattle proved fruitless. Not that you were really expecting much. What kind of wolf would stay in a place so gross? Every city block brought a new scent. Garbage, grease, smog, sewer. Just like every other city you’ve been to. Even if there was another wolf there, you’d never be able to catch their scent in all of that.

“I swear, if I end up smelling like that city for the next week,” you grumble to yourself, nose scrunching at the thought.

“I don’t think you smell all that bad.”

You freeze.

Someone’s behind you?

Every muscle in your body goes taut as a scent suddenly sweeps over you. It’s like walking into a candy shop, so sickeningly sweet and heady, it makes your head spin. Your wolf snarls to the surface, jaws snapping, hackles bristling. Screaming at you to run.

Fear creeps up your spine.

But then it just…disappears.

Everything falls still. Your mind, the anxiety pulsing through your veins, even your wolf. The strange sense of calm that floods through you covers it all like a heavy fog. But it’s not you. It’s not you.

“What are you doing to me?” You breathe out shakily, fingers digging into the stone under you.

“Just stay calm.” It’s a man, his voice deep and soothing, rolling with a southern accent that would be charming under different circumstances.

But right now, you’re just focused on the way your panic keeps being taken away. You can’t even feel frustrated about it without that being covered too.

“You don’t seem to be giving me an option,” you growl. It has to be him. Nothing else could explain it. What is he? How is he doing this?

“I can answer all your questions if you just give me-”

“Stop it!” You flip around, lips pulled back in a snarl, ready to phase and snap this guy’s head off.

Until your eyes meet a pair of honey gold ones.

The whole world seems to slow down, all except your heart, because the man in front of you is possibly the most beautiful person you’ve ever set eyes on. He’s tall and lean, with a face that looks like it’s been carved from marble. And his smile. It slants his mouth in an adorably boyish way.

Your eyes trail down the pale curve of his neck, across his broad shoulders, down his arms. That’s when you notice countless scars littering his pale skin. Like a match striking stone, rage flares to life in you, so sharp and sudden you have to clench your eyes shut to stop yourself from phasing.

How could someone do that to him? You’ll kill them. All of them. You’ll hunt them down and-

Wait.

Eyes flickering back open, wide now as you look back at the blond and his strikingly gold eyes, you can’t help but shrink back. What was that? What is this feeling? A deep ache starts in your chest, only growing worse when you put more distance between you. Like you want to be close to him. Like everything you’ve done up until this moment doesn’t matter, and all you want is to just press into him and learn everything about him and protect him.

The man keeps his eyes trained on you, brow creasing when you let out a strangled, confused whine. He takes a step forward, hand reaching out for you, but stops in his tracks when you flinch.

“Are you doing this too?” You demand, practically toeing the edge of the cliff now.

“No.”

As if his words carry magic, your struggling panic eases. You take a deep breath, easing away from the cliff and closer to the handsome stranger. A smile pulls at his lips again, all soft and kind and tempting. For a split second, you wonder what it would feel like to kiss hi-

“Why do I feel this way then?” You wrap your arms around yourself, unnerved by the sudden desires burning under your skin.

The blond raises a confused brow, “I believe you wolves call it ‘imprinting’.”

Imprinting? What on earth does that me-

Your eyes blow wide, voice shrill, “Wolves?”

The man nods. He knows. How does he know? And why doesn’t it bother you that he knows?

You expect the panic to come back, or your wolf to go crazy, but nothing. And it’s not him this time. Instead of any of that, you almost feel…relieved. There’s no need to hide. You don’t want to hide.

You look at the man again. He should be threatening. Tall stature, lean muscles, and all those scars. But when you look at him, all you feel is the need to be closer. You look at him and you feel safe for the first time in years. Is this what imprinting is?

“Who are you?” You ask, barely above a whisper.

“My name’s Jasper Whitlock,” he hums, inching closer. You don’t back away.

“How do you know I’m…?”

The blond - Jasper - chuckles, the sound warm and rough, “Your kind has a particular scent, easy to recognize. Though yours isn’t that bad.”

Brow furrowing, you have to resist the urge to sniff your clothes, “You can…smell me?”

“Vampires have keen senses.”

Vampires. He’s a vampire. Of course he’s a vampire. Pale skin. Unusually colored eyes. The scent, which has changed since you first caught it. It’s softer somehow, still sweet, but more like caramel and dark chocolate. Addictive.

“So you, you um, and I, okay.” You drop to the ground abruptly, legs folding under you. Your head is spinning with all the new information. “So you’re a vampire?”

“Yes, ma’am,” he drawls, eyes gleaming with amusement as he sits himself a couple feet away from you.

“And you know I’m a werewolf.” A nod. “What is - What did you call it? - Imprinting?”

“You don’t know?” You hunch your shoulders, cheeks growing warm under his curious gaze. Jasper frowns, “I suppose you wouldn’t. My understandin’ is that when your kind imprints, it’s like…findin’ your soulmate.”

Soulmate. That’s…big. It seems life just can’t stop throwing curveballs at you. First the wolf thing, now you learn you have a soulmate. A vampire soulmate. Who looks like a Greek sculpture. While you must look like a mess.

“I can’t believe this,” you grumble, mostly to yourself, but Jasper still hears you if his amused smile is anything to go on. “All I’ve been looking for is another wolf to explain what on Earth is happening to me and instead I find my soulmate, who’s a vampire. I thought werewolves and vampires hated each other? That’s what all the books say!”

“Most humans enjoy exaggerating the details,” Jasper drawls, “Though this is certainly unusual.”

You pout. How are you supposed to react to all of this? On one hand, it’s completely crazy. On the other, he could be the answer to everything you’ve been searching for. He knows what you are, maybe he knows why! Or maybe-

“Do you know other wolves?” You practically jump at him, hope soaring in your chest.

Jasper freezes. His gold eyes go wide, trailing down your arm. Cocking your head in confusion, you follow his gaze. Your eyes go just as wide as his at the sight.

Unbeknownst to you, you grabbed onto his hand, your fingers awkwardly interlacing with his. His skin is cold to the touch, but you feel overwhelmingly hot as your embarrassment skyrockets. You should let go. The man is still a stranger. But you can’t bring yourself to do it. Touching him feels…right. Taking a deep breath, you look back up to his face hesitantly.

The shock is gone, replaced with a look of awe. Jasper slowly shifts his hand, fitting them together more comfortably. Your skin tingles with each touch, your heart dancing wildly in your chest. His eyes dart back up to yours, and the warmth there makes your breath stutter.

“I was worried I wouldn’t be able to handle bein’ around you,'' he breathes, the low hum of his voice quickly becoming your favorite song. You could listen to him for hours and never get bored. “I wanted this to be perfect. I’ve been waitin’ a long while for you-”

“(Y/n),” you supply without thinking.

Jasper smiles softly, repeating it to himself, “(Y/n)...”

And just like that, you find yourself falling for the vampire. Jasper Whitlock. The golden light that came into your life when you were so close to giving up.

You sit on that cliff for hours, asking countless questions. Jasper answers each and every one of them, the best he can at least. You learn about his family, how they’re different from other vampires and don’t harm humans, a fact that brings you more relief than you expected. He tells you about Alice and her visions, the one she had of you, and his years waiting for you.

You, in turn, tell him about your life as a human. Your small town, your family, and how much you miss them. You recount when you first phased and how you’ve been searching for someone to explain it all. For him.

It’s only when the sun starts to set, painting the sky in dreamy shades of pink and purple, that your conversation trails off into a comfortable silence. You look out across the water, thoughts drifting to your still intertwined fingers. You don’t have the heart to let go, and Jasper seems more than pleased to hold on to you.

“So,” you hesitate. The words stick to your tongue despite how desperately you want to ask them. As if sensing this, Jasper squeezes your hand softly, a silent encouragement. You gather every bit of your remaining confidence, all to ask, “What now?”

He hums and traces his thumb over your knuckles thoughtfully, tenderly, “What do you want to happen, darlin’?”

You don’t have to think about it. The words tumble from your lips readily, “I want to be with you.”

And the smile he gives you is all you need to know you’ve made the right choice. It lights up his whole face, and for a moment, you swear his eyes seem to glow. And, just as you think he can’t look more beautiful, the last few rays of sunlight streak across the cliff, reflecting off his skin like diamonds, surrounding him with an angelic haze. It steals your breath away.

How absolutely gorgeous.

“I think that can be arranged,” Jasper replies, drawing you from your stupor.

“Good, cause you’re officially stuck with me,” you chirp and lean into his side.

Jasper slips his hand out from yours, leaving you feeling horribly empty, until his arm wraps securely around your shoulders to draw you even closer. The gesture sends pure elation buzzing through your whole body. If you were in wolf form, your tail would be wagging like a tornado. You curl into him, hiding your own smile in his sweater.

When you first phased, you never imagined this is where you would end up.

Maybe fate wasn’t too cruel, after all.

---

Might have a part 2 for this, because I have a funny idea for when they team up with the wolves in Eclipse.

I hope you guys enjoyed it!

#reader insert #x reader #reader #jasper hale #jasper whitlock #twilight saga #twilight #jasper hale x reader #jasper whitlock x reader #jasper x reader #wolf reader #werewolf reader

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axel-skz · 11 months

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SEUNGMIN IN THE BUILDING!

A/N: I wrote this half asleep 😭 I keep changing my idea for the Felix story so I moved up posting Seungmins. I love this one-shot though, it’s so cute. Right, now, song roulette. AA WE GOT ‘WAITING FOR US’! I feel like it’s been too long since I listened to it. Damn.

(No cus why is he so cute? Who allowed him to be this cute? I think he would kill me if I ever actually called him cute.)

You and Seungmin had been together for a couple months now. It was heaven.

You didn’t realise heaven was this sarcastic but it was heaven nonetheless.

You both enjoyed each other’s company a lot so you spent, some would say, too much time together. Jeongin would see you and smirk, always comedically checking the surrounding area to see where Seungmin was.

It was annoying that he would be right about his jokes and Seungmin was always right there.

One day, you both were doing your own things but like, in the same room. Because where else would you be? He was… harassing one of the members over text while watching TV. You were gaming.

You guys hadn’t used pet names at all yet (aside from you calling him Minnie) so what came now… embarrassed you to no end.

‘Baby, can you pass me my drink,’ you stupidly said while being too distracted by a part in your game to notice.

Seungmin, the cute little menace, smirked. Now he has ammunition.

‘Am I tiny? Am I bald?’ He replied, unmoving.

‘What? Is that a riddle or something?’ You paused your game to look at him in confusion.

‘You called me baby, what makes you say that?’ He grinned, resting his head on his palm.

You began to turn more and more red, ‘I did not!’ Yeah, lying seems like a great option right now.

‘Are you… saying my ears are broken? I’m picking up soundwaves from the neighbourhood? Like a bat? ARE YOU SAYING I’M BATMAN?!’ He gasped dramatically.

You stared at him blankly, ‘sometimes I think back to when I asked you out and I wish someone had run me over so I didn’t.’

‘I’m batman apparently so I wouldn’t have let that happen, sugar bear,’ he seemed a little too eager now.

‘Omg, why are you this way?,’ you whined as you covered your face.

‘I don’t know what you mean, honey nugget, I thought this was what we were doing now,’ you glared at him.

‘It slipped out, ok?! Can we forget it please??’

‘Your baby just slipped out? Wow, wierd of you tell me that. Bit Tmi.’

You got up and walked over to him. He had this smug smile on his face. He also looked confused about what you were planning.

You sat next to him then suddenly started tickling him.

He hated that and you knew it. Giggles escaped his mouth and he couldn’t look mad while he was laughing his ass off.

Eventually you stopped, ‘had enough, sugar bear?’

‘Ok, ok! Yes, I’ll stop now,’ he glared at you so you booped his nose and he blushed.

It made you laugh as you got up and went to get your water.

You heard him say something but couldn’t make it out, you poked your head back to look in the living room, ‘what?’

He was blushing like crazy and looking anywhere but you as he spoke, ‘you can call me baby or whatever if you want…’

You smiled and didn’t tease him too much about it, ‘that sounds nice Minnie. You can call me sugar bear or whatever.’

He laughed a little and then continued with whatever he was doing on his phone. The rest of the night passed without a sugar bear or a honey nugget being mentioned :)

Seungmin: You are right. *he’s suddenly stood behind me with an axe in his hand (lol, get it? Axe, Axel, Axe, Axel? Ok yeah, I think you get it)* I would kill you.

We can talk about this… I swear… I only called you cute because… of… umm… hold on, wait… I swear I can think up a good reason…

Seungmin: TIMES UP!

insert high speed chase here

Meanwhile, the boys on the side, sit with popcorn and drinks.

Minho: if he doesn’t catch her, I’ll be very disappointed, I taught him better then that.

Bang chan: you know, this is why I don’t leave him alone with you anymore.

Minho shrugs: fair.

They all start cheering as he slowly catches up but then aw as he falls back again.

YOU GUYS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE MY FRIENDS TOO! WHY AM I ALWAYS IN DANGER WHEN I’M AROUND YOU!

Felix: if you live, I’ll bake you something!

Oh damn, totally worth it.

And suddenly I’m Usain Bolt.

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chernikastan · 8 months

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So yesterday I said I had ✨opinions✨ on the DLC and today I have come to the conclusion that as per usual, I will not chill until I dumped them somewhere lmao. It's mainly focused on what I've seen people say about Carmine and Kieran online, be it on tumblr or other websites.

Teal Mask Spoilers under the cut :3

I have no idea if I used the under the cut feature even right lmao I've kinda always just been a douche and ignored it when talking about spoilers as I've realised gfjdjrc

Ok anyway so. I think what personally bothered me the most is a lot of people saying "they just have a perfectly fine siblings relationship, nothing unhealthy to see here" and "Kieran is a coldass douchebag who view others as objects and only cares about strength". Both statements I strrroooongly disagree with.

First about his and Carmine's relationship, since it plays into the other thing. It seems that their parents aren't around, though it's unknown why. The grandparents are apparently pretty lackluster in taking over their job and because of that, it seems that Carmine has taken it on herself to take somewhat of guardian role for Kieran. Which is a role she's visibly overwhelmed by, which makes sense, because that's not a role you should have to take when you yourself are maybe like 17/18 lol. You can see that she absolutely does care for and wants the best for him, but at the same time she can't wrap her head around his actions and how he's feeling. So a lot of the things she does she does out of good intentions (for example telling the player for him that he's interested in them because she says he couldn't ever ask on his own, or the whole lying thing where she believes not telling him you guys met Ogrepon prevents him from feeling left out), without understanding that they have quite literally the opposite effect (Kieran feeling like he's unable to do anything on his own BECAUSE she does everything for him, and of course him feeling left out BECAUSE you and her keep meeting Ogrepon a secret). On top of that she clearly has issues keeping her own emotions down, so instead of reacting calmly she'd yell at him whenever he does or says something she doesn't like. And whether you want to see that certain one-liner as her implying she does also hit him when she's not "being nice" or not, she seems unaware of what effect these reactions have on her brother. I do think the implication might very well be on purpose, but it's just not as obviously stated as it could be because this is still a Pokémon game and we don't gotta be too in your face about child abuse in a game that like 8 year olds play lol.

Anyway, aside from him thinking he can't make decisions on his own and stuff, there's a lot of ways this treatment shows in Kieran. Notice how while Carmine is pretty open about showing her anger, he keeps trying to repress his own until later in the story where he's starting to be unable to do so? You can see that when you battle him the first couple times and he loses, the light in his eyes leaves briefly (yknow, the anime thing they both do where that shows them being angry/frustrated) before he grabs his head and just says aw man or something. And when she outs him on his crush or whatever on you, he also looks angry like that, but she immediately shuts him down like usual. I'm pretty sure that's a learned behaviour on his part, aka "when I get openly angry or sad my sis will yell at and/or hit me so I have to keep it down". That's why he always switches the topic, runs off or just goes quiet when he pisses her off or he thinks he pisses her or someone else off. It's optional dialogue so idk how many people have seen it, but Carmine confirms that at the festival, though she again misunderstands why he does it.

Have a high quality photo of what I mea-

So yeah, in short, in regards to their relationship, I think it's clear that it's pretty dysfunctional. For some reason Carmine's stuck with taking a caretaker role she cannot possibly fill given her own issues and age. As a result, she takes it out on her little brother who in turn has to suffer the double bagage of lack of parents and dealing with his older sister's moods. And with next to no social contacts outside of her, he's stuck in that situation and he's got no one to help him learn how to deal with this in a healthier way (same with Carmine really). All he knows that if he was "stronger", he could deal with this better. Like that cool ogre from the folktale that does not care what people think of it and keeps fighting for its right to be respected regardless. Stronger being a very arbitrary word here, as the only specific goal he mentions (in the beginning) is able to stand up against his sister.

Now onto the whole "Kieran sees Ogrepon, the player, probably everyone but him, as an object" thing which... yeah no, he's not a sociopath kcngjtc

More precisely, the player character comes in as this cool person who has no trouble beating his sister in a battle. They don't seem to have all that much trouble socialising either. Good thing he doesn't know all the kewl stuff we did at Area Zero and all or he'd lose it completely. I think a big bonus is also that we're not from his town, so we don't have any bias against his ogre idol. So like, he's head over heels for us, he actually gets to hang out with us and warms up as we realise we're interested in his stories and all and wow. He's found an actual real friend omg. He might not be 100% aware of that, but that's all he really wanted. He wanted to befriend the ogre because it sounded like it would be someone to understand him. And now there's suddenly this super nice person who's taking that role.

But then suddenly, that person hangs out with his meanie sister and stops interacting with him almost entirely. I have a feeling that Carmine hanging out with people he'd want to befriend and them making fun of him is just a thing that happened before and that's why he jumps to that conclusion right away. Keep in mind, the reason Carmine came to us in the first place is literally to make fun of his lack of skills at the mini game lol.

So yeah, the reason Kieran is so massively pissed off is because he does view the player character as a human being, and one he really really liked and put up the courage to open up to, yet from his POV we shamelessly take advantage of that and leave him alone again to hang out with his sis instead. Would probably come off to him like you just pretended to be his friend because you had to and now you're hanging out with the cooler kids and giggle about how silly he looked when, idk, he asked to have a sandwich with you lol. Of course this is not what the player intended (or is meant to intend) and I too felt physical pain when the game gave me no option but to lie xD but I'm pretty sure you guys making up and giving each other another chance is what's gonna happen in Indigo Disk.

For Ogrepon, instead of as an object, I think he just keeps seeing the ogre from the story in her. You gotta remember that he never gets to properly interact with her, he doesn't even refer to her by her actual name like Carmine does once she learns it. He doesn't understand that, ironically just like him, what she really wants is just acceptance and a friend. He thinks that the reason she's distrusting of him is not because she has trust issues and needs to warm up first just like him, but because he isn't as strong as you are, the one she does trust much easier. He's so convinced that nothing in his life will change for the better until he's "stronger" that... presumably the Dokutaro thing somewhere during the mid point starts influencing him. Not like, straight up possession, but more it taking advantage of his instability and promising to give him the strength he wants if he does what it wants. Just like the dex entries of the loyal three says what happened to them. So Dokutaro moreso takes the role of some guy who's a really bad influence and convinces you to do things that will harm both you and others with some sneaky lil psychological tricks. Because I mean, self-sabotaging is something Kieran literally does around the time he presumably comes in contact with Dokutaro. He completely stops trying to talk to you, he boxes the furret he apparently raised from an egg, he doesn't come along to help beat the loyal three to get the masks. I wonder tbh, if Dokutaro was influencing him, if it didn't lead him away from helping with that on purpose, since it originally made the loyal three steal the masks in the first place. I guess that would also explain why he would have been fine with Ogrepon just going back to the cave so he could get the masks back later. And while there definitely is the whole jealousy aspect, I think it's also Dokutaro leading him into actions he wouldn't normally do to get the masks. Because if he gets the masks it'll give him what he wants or whatever. I think without the Dokutaro influence, honestly, he'd probably just have locked himself up in his room for the rest of the story after you lying and sobbed into his Furret pal's fur lmao.

Soo yeah, I think that's about it. They both have quite some issues and continue the trend of ScaVio characters that really need a therapist lol. I like Kieran especially though, he's really adorable despite having his own set of flaws of course. So I do hope the next part will take his (and Carmine's) story into a satisfying direction. And I better get to give him a hug because he needs one smh. Maybe Arven can make him some top tier candy apples. Oh oh yeah, noticed btw that he adds Dipplin to his team after he gave us a candy apple at the festival and told us there's a mon that looks like one? Pokémon likes to do storytelling via the team, so maybe the Dippling reminds him of our broship 😔😔

#pokémon #the teal mask #kieran pokemon #carmine pokemon #furret deserves everything btw he better takes it back into his team eventually

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tooxmanyxships · 6 months

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If you're still doing prompts, may I ask for Loscar (Logan x Oscar) and maybe a combination of:

You really don't know your effect on people, do you?

And

Do you love me?

In my head it's Logan asking or more stating the first and Oscar figuring out that his feelings could be mutual, but I loved all I've read of yours so far so feel free to do it in what ever way or even just using one or neither actually, I'm happy to get anything with Loscar. 😅

I'm always taking on prompts, my dear anon.

Some might take me longer than others.

Thank you for the compliment! I'm glad you love my writing 🖤

And you're in luck, because I'm kind of picturing the Logan/Oscar conversation the same way 🤭😉

It was no surprise that Logan looked up at Oscar.

They were both rookies, but one just edged the other one out.

There was no shame in that. Logan just needs more time and that's okay.

But, apparently he wasn't the only one looking.

As reserved and 'cold' Oscar had seemed at the beginning, that was just because he wasn't comfortable yet, now he had blossomed.

He looked so much more comfortable. Confident.

Of course everyone noticed. Everyone also seemed to get attracted or at least affected by it.

It made Logan feel warm inside, that his best friend was making such an impact.

It also made him a little jealous, but not for the reason people might think.

He wasn't jealous of his success, though he was competitive, oh no.

He was jealous because they were looking at Oscar the same way he was looking at him. He always thought he'd be the only one.

But now Lando was getting closer to Oscar too and it was great to see a good teammate bond, he had a pretty good one with Alex too, but it felt... Different.

Oscar became like a magnet. Logan couldn't help but feel a little bit left behind.

But the most frustrating part was that Oscar didn't even seem to notice.

"You really don't know your effect on people, do you?" He'd asked him one day and all Oscar had done was give him a confused look.

"What do you mean?"

Logan had opened and closed his mouth a few times, not sure how to answer without just spilling out his feelings.

"Nothing. Never mind."

Tilting his head to the side in a curious way, Oscar had shrugged and let it be.

But from then on, unbeknownst to Logan, Oscar started paying more attention to him.

He finally started to notice the way Logan seemed to always like to be around him.

Lando had told him that a few times before already, but he'd never given that a second thought.

He honestly didn't realize the way Logan looked at him until he was paying attention.

But maybe that's because he was too lost in his own thoughts when he dared to stare at Logan.

He'd never really noticed him staring straight back.

~*~

"Do you love me?"

Oscar asks him one evening when they're both sitting on Oscar's bed in his hotel room.

Logan has no idea how to answer that, so he opts to go for the safe option.

"Of course. You're my best friend."

But Oscar shakes his head, reaches out to touch his arms, letting his hands travel over his skin.

It makes every nerve in Logan's body tingle and stand on edge.

He finally looks up into Oscar's eyes, when he feels Oscar's fingers press into his arms.

"Do. you. love. me?" he repeats himself, his voice dropping to a whisper. "Please. Logan."

Logan's throat feels dry.

"Yes. I do." He closes his eyes. "I've always loved you, Oscar."

That's why it was so hard to watch other people fall in love with him too.

Those people getting the attention back that he thought he deserved more.

Because he's always been there.

He saw it first.

He saw the amazing person that is Oscar Piastri first, god dammit.

He can feel movement and when he opens his eyes, Oscar is hovering before him, practically sitting on his lap, but not quite sitting down yet.

"You idiot."

He doesn't get a chance to reply, because before he can part his lips, Oscar's lips are locked with his.

He might have made the most embarrassing sound, but it doesn't really matter, because he's kissing Oscar.

He's actually kissing him and he's just kissing back, but no one cares about the details.

He pulls Oscar down until he does sit on his lap, doesn't stop kissing him until they both need to breathe.

He's pretty sure professional athletes aren't supposed to be so easily out of breath, but, Oscar quite literally took his breath away right now.

Looking at the other boy, he was in the exact same position as he was.

He saw Oscar slowly lick his lips and mirrored the movement before cupping the slightly younger boy's cheek in his hand.

He smiles when he feels the other lean into the touch, then runs his thumb over his cheek, prompting him to look at him.

"Oscar?"

He asks softly when their eyes meet.

He knows he can get lost in them right then and there, but it's his words that keep him grounded.

"I've always loved you too."

#f1 fanfic #loscar #f1 rpf #my writing #logan sargeant x oscar piastri

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nerdinsandals · 10 months

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I bought a Kouhei/Conway settei ten years ago (that I proudly display framed in my little Conway Corner) but I think I never posted an actual scan of it! So I took the chance to go a bit beyond just scanning it and colored it following the guidelines from the other settei from the same listing so that it looked more ~official~ (I bought the one without shading because I like to be able to see the lines more clearly).

Also, I thought it'd be fun to try and translate the little bits of text on it! Bear in mind that my knowledge of Japanese is extremely basic and limited, so what you see here is the result of that + a little help from Google Translate, so it's most likely not 100% accurate.

And as an extra, I also made a color guide for him while I was coloring the settei so I could have all the colors in one place and ready to go for reference. I included some colors that weren't marked in the settei but were used in the anime as well, like the highlight color for his hair and the darker shading tone for his skin.

Some additional ramblings after the cut!

You may have noticed that I included a brown color for his eyes in the color guide. I always draw him with brown eyes, but I rarely mention that it's because he canonically has brown eyes!

You can see them clearly when the Ghost Girl hypnotizes him:

It's a small detail, but one that I like a lot. It provides a bit of warmth to his overall pretty cool palette (the only warmer tones in his design are his skin color and his eyes -when you can see the brown haha-).

As for the text on the settei itself, I have a few thoughts:

Even though settei are reference sheets, Conway's case is a curious one because... He rarely, if ever, is drawn exactly as he's represented in the reference sheet. The length of his hair, the thickness of his eyebrows and even the length of his pants fluctuate from episode to episode! The back part of his hair is noticeably longer in the settei compared to actual episodes overall. In the anime itself, the back is usually more or less as long as the front pieces that frame his face, or just a smidge longer. But, like I said, it fluctuates.

I hadn't noticed before that his glasses and eyebrows don't really show through the hair! I checked screenshots from all his episodes and this is consistent throughout (with only a couple exceptions). He must have pretty thick hair!

The "glasses are bigger" part. I assume it means that the outlined version makes the frames look a bit thinner than the actually are? Or at least that's how I perceive them when I compare the settei to the colored version! The colored glasses look much thicker. It's something I've noticed when drawing him myself, too. If I outline the frames and them fill them with color, they turn out looking so much thicker than I intended, so it's something to keep in mind when drawing glasses!

Apparently, his bracelet is a "germanium bracelet", so we could assume that it's made out of metal. But when you Google ゲルマニウムブレス, there's two possible results:

Metallic bracelets (so, made out of actual germanium, I suppose):

And silicone ones that are still somehow referred to as "germanium bracelets":

While the silicone one looks similar in shape to the one Conway actually wears, it's not identical, but it could just be because Pokémon designs (at least back then) used to be a lot simpler. Though I like the idea of it being metallic too! But I guess we'll never really know which one it's supposed to be.

The settei doesn't specify what material his choker (or rather, necklace) is made out of, but I found that there are also "germanium necklaces" that are metallic:

And silicone ones that are somehow still called "germanium necklaces". Though I personally would find anything silicone very uncomfortable to wear around your neck, haha.

And there are also metallic matching sets! This is my favorite option if I were to choose.

Does this mean that I'm going to draw these accessories as metallic every single time from now on?? Probably not haha, but it's interesting nonetheless!

#Conway Day #Pokemon Anime #Pokeani #Anipoke #Conway #Kouhei #my stuff #I'm talking Conway here #settei #the color guide is basically a reference for myself but hey. if you want it be my guest!

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boots-with-the-fur-club · 4 months

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Inverted Confrontation chapter 6! Next is the last one!

@daboyau

“You already know I wanted to end humanity! Is this really such a surprise!? I made you all for war and experimented on dozens of animals. Obviously I was going to make sure you were suited for it.” Draxum crosses his arms.

“This is so not helping your case! How are we supposed to convince these guys to stop being villains when you basically made it impossible for them to be anything else!?” Leo grips his own face and pulls on it in frustration.

“Maybe we can talk to them now that the situation is reversed? They might be willing to listen!” Mikey suggests.

“No way they ever would. Reasoning doesn’t work!“ Other April insists.

“What do you say we do with them then?” April questions.

“Let me take them back and we’ll deal with it. The people in my universe deserve justice.”

“Are you going to kill them!?”

“It’s up to everyone who’s lives they ruined! This is the only chance I’m ever going to get!“

“Woah woah woah, heroes don’t send people to their deaths!” Raph gets between them.

“They’re murderers themselves if you need reminding.” Draxum comments.

“Yeah, because of you!” Leo points his finger in his face accusatorially.

“We can’t give up on them. Villains and other universes or not they are my sons.” Splinter chimes in.

“They also tried to brainwash your real sons though.” Donnie casually adds.

Everyone begins arguing with each other, allowing Mikey to slip away to the room they’re holding them in.

He’s surprised to see that Champion is awake, but not exactly…..present. It reminds him a little of Leo with a concussion but this seems much worse.

“Are….are you okay?” He hesitantly reaches out to him.

When there’s no reaction, so he quickly touches his neck to make sure there’s a pulse. Luckily there was. Unluckily, it means he has no idea what’s going on with him.

His head was drooped slightly, his eyes were….gray, half lidded, sort of empty.

“This is bad….I have to get help-“

“Stop! There’s only one thing that can help him, you’d just make it worse!”

Mikey jumps a bit at the voice coming from behind him. Dr. Rude apparently has woken up.

“What will help?”

“Me! He needs me.”

“I can’t just let you out, you just tried brainwash me and my brothers! Tell me what to do, I won’t mess it up.”

“You can’t be the one to do it.” He breaks the mystic bindings fairly easily.

Mikey panics, quickly holding onto Champion. He’s not sure why, but something feels wrong.

“How did you break it!? You shouldn’t have had your powers!”

“Just because I can’t use them doesn’t mean I wasn’t strong already. Let go of my brother.”

“What are you going to do to him?”

“I don’t have to explain myself to you!” He starts coming at him.

Mikey holds Champion closer and jumps out of the way.

“You do if you actually want to be able to do it!”

“If I don’t help him he’s just going to get worse! Do you want him to die because you’re being stupid!?”

“I’m not being stupid! I’m trying to make sure you’re not doing anything weird!”

Champion begins to shift in his arms. Mikey immediately notices the panic on Dr. Rude’s face.

“P-Please! I have to do it now!”

Mikey frowns, trying to figure out what the right thing to do is. His unease was brought on by something but it was just a feeling. They loved each other, he wouldn’t hurt his brother right?

He hesitantly moves Champion closer to him. There’s immediate relief on his villain counterpart’s face. Maybe this was the better option.

Dr. Rude mystic powers start surging through his arms which makes Mikey confused.

“You’re going to be okay again….just like before….”

“What are you doing!?”

Both Mikeys snap their heads towards Hyde who .

“I-I was just….it’s….” Dr. Rude is at a loss for words.

Hyde breaks his bonds and rushes over, scanning Champion with a device he materializes.

“…..Mikey.”

Dr. Rude freezes. Mikey knows that reaction. He gets the same way when Splinter calls him Michelangelo instead of Orange.

“Hyde, it’s not what-“

“Why are there traces of your power in his system?”

“You don’t understand-“

“Then make me understand! What were you about to do? What have you been doing to him!?”

Dr. Rude shrinks in on himself a bit, glancing at Champion. Hyde moves into his line of sight, blocking the view.

“Tell me I’m wrong! Tell me that you haven’t been puppeteering our brother!”

Dr. Rude begins breathing heavily.

“….You did it….didn’t you? For how long!?”

Dr. Rude tears up, holding his arm and looking away.

“Mikey! If I’m going to fix him, you need to tell me everything!” He grips him by the shoulders.

Dr. Rude looks back at him with anger before tackling him away from Champion.

Mikey takes several steps back at seeing this, then rushes out of the room.

“You think you can fix him!? What I did was the fix! He was failing! You weren’t there! You don’t know what it was like! Draxum was going to get rid of him if I didn’t do something!” Dr. Rude holds Hyde down, his arms still full of mystic energy.

“Mikey! Be careful!” He fearfully glances at them.

“I-I swear I didn’t do it on purpose at first! I was just trying to help! And it worked! I-I didn’t even know I could do that! I thought it was just helping his abilities!” The energy begins to seep into Hyde’s arms.

“Stop it! Please!” He looks at Red to see if he’s awake.

He’s only slowly beginning to stir.

“I was trying to keep him alive….and then….h-he and I were so in sync….we worked so well together….we were perfect. Too perfect….”

Hyde struggles against him as the energy spreads more. He glances around next to get help from regular Mikey but couldn’t find him.

“I couldn’t have known what I was doing….but something was wrong. He never questioned me about anything. You remember those things dad made us, right? Leo’s stuffed unicorn was the only one Draxum never found. You remember how angry he was when he found ours, what he did to us….Leo was so good at hiding his, but I just knew it was a matter of time, so I told him to tear it up. He loved it so much, so I didn’t think he’d actually do it! He was going to do it without a second thought if I hadn’t stopped him!”

“You could have stopped after we were free!”

“I tried stopping! I-I got scared after the unicorn, but it was so much worse when I didn’t do it….Draxum got even angrier. Leo couldn’t handle what he was feeling anymore, Donnie! And that was only after a week! After how long it took to get out of there!? It would break him!”

“But now you’re doing it to me!?”

Dr. Rude’s tears drip onto Hyde’s face.

“I have to. It’s the only way. I’m taking care of us! You’ll feel better, he always does…..”

Hyde shouts in pain.

Red blearily wakes up at the screaming, immediately breaking his bonds and instinctively grabbing Dr. Rude as soon as he sees him.

He looks around in confusion for the actual attacker, only assuming Dr. Rude was trying to help Hyde.

Only when he notices the orange spreading through his veins does he fully understand what’s happened. His attention turns back towards his youngest brother.

“You….did this?”

Dr. Rude breaks down in tears as he looks back up at him.

“I-I didn’t know what else to do. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry!” He hides his face in Red’s shoulder.

Red hugs him closer, his shock turning completely to understanding.

“Oh Orange…..”

Dr. Rude hiccups in response to the nickname he hadn’t heard in a long time.

“I-I’m a monster…..I’m just like he was…!”

Red rubs his shell.

“No. Never, ever like him.”

“But I-“

“It’s not his DNA we’ve got. You messed up….and it’s bad. Real bad. We’ve all done bad things. We did it for a reason. How would ya even know what was crossin the line? We sure didn’t teach you. We sure didn’t really have anyone to teach us. The real monster….he never cared about being a monster. His reasons never were for anybody else. You’re different. I know you are.”

Dr. Rude further bursts into tears.

That’s when everyone who was previously fighting rushes into the room. Original Mikey had managed to get them to listen long enough to tell them what was happening.

“Why did I even bother making those bonds when they broke out immediately?” Draxum crosses his arms.

“Not the time, Barry!”

Both Aprils rush over to Hyde.

“What do we do!? How do we stop this!?” April panics.

“I don’t know! I’ve never seen it stopped before!” Other April answers.

“I-Ignore me, Champion needs help!” Hyde winces, holding his arms in pain.

Splinter quickly goes over to Champion.

“Blue, can you hear me?”

Light starts returning into his eyes. His gaze meets with Splinter’s.

“D-Dad….? You can’t be….you’re….” His eyes widen in a split second.

He screams out in a wail, gripping his own head in what seems like a lot of pain.

“No! I-I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! He killed you because of me! And I-!….Oh my god….I killed him….I actually did it, how could I have-?” He sees Draxum behind Splinter.

His screams change from pain to absolute fear. He curls up into a tight ball, shaking like he’s about to fall completely apart.

“Blue!” Splinter tries to touch him but Champion only flinches.

“Okay, since Champion is down for the count, Leon is taking over! Whoever can help fix Hyde stays in a room with Draxum. That includes the Aprils to watch over him. Whoever can calm Champion down stays here. Having Draxum around is only going to freak him out more. All good?”

Nobody seems to have any problems with his solution. They all split off into the designated groups. Red, Raph, Donnie, Mikey and Splinter stay with Champion. Draxum, Dr. Rude, and the Aprils go with Hyde. Leo leaves the room with them but pauses, not sure if he could really help either.

“P-Please, don’t leave.” Hyde pleads.

Leo is surprised but quickly catches up with them and goes to his side. They all get to the med bay and lay Hyde down on the bed. Everyone else takes a step away from him in order to talk about what the next course of action would be. Leo stays next to him.

“That looks like it hurts….”

“O-Only because I’m fighting it. It’s….trying to spread but I’m not letting it. H-Humans can’t really fight against this, their mystic powers are nonexistent.”

“Are you sure you want to keep talking if it hurts this much?”

“I….I miss when you were like this.”

“Like what?”

“All the dumb jokes, the way you were unsure, when you let yourself be scared….”

“Well now you just make me sound like a loser. I thought it was cool how you believed in him, called him Champion, how he could actually be leader, but that was all kinda a big lie because of all that puppeteering.” He crosses his arms.

“You were you. Not….fake. Not a mix of something else. If you were a loser that way, we were losers together. Y-You’re my twin and it felt like I lost whatever we had. Now I know….it was replaced by what Dr. Rude created…..”

“What….we had?”

“Y-You and I both know what it was. The way you can tell if he’s in pain. If he’s in a bad mood. Wh-When he needs you.”

“I knew that wasn’t just in my head! I caught him watching scary movies at 3am because him being scared wouldn’t let me sleep.”

Hyde smiles softly.

“I’d give anything to have that happen. Th-That’s why I agreed to this. I don’t just miss you….I-I miss Mikey too. Hyde and Champion….they became like we were the same person. I-I guess they sort of were. It felt like it was just me and Red at times….I just wanted to spend time with my little brothers.”

“Hey, I’m not letting you say that just because you’re not feeling well.”

Hyde’s smile changes to a smirk.

“I tested us. I’m older.”

“What!? If you weren’t such a bad liar I’d be calling pants on fire!”

Hyde chuckles before he grits his teeth in pain.

Leo frowns and looks at his arms.

“There has to be something I can do.”

“D-Dr. Rude himself doesn’t know how to stop it. I-It’s not your fault.”

Leo looks at his hands, then back to Hyde.

“Here goes nothing.”

“Wait, wait-!”

Leo recalls the surge of energy that Champion had forced them to dip into. He thinks hard about how he wants to help Hyde, putting aside the fact that he isn’t from this universe, ignoring what he attempted to do.

Right now, he was family.

Hyde’s shouting drew the attention of the others in the room. He can sort of hear Draxum and both Aprils yell at him to stop. They’re all ignored.

They can lecture him after it works. Or take pity on him if it doesn’t.

Energy prickles in the palm of his hands. He grabs Hyde’s arms and does his best to will the energy that wasn’t supposed to be there away, somewhere, anywhere that wasn’t in Hyde.

The energy fights him, not wanting to leave. He fights back, insisting that it was not going to get any further. He can feel something in Hyde helping his own energy kick out the harmful one.

Eventually, finally, Dr. Rude’s energy changes into his own. He pulls it all back, out of Hyde.

He’s pulled away just as he finishes, getting yelled at a lot more.

He doesn’t really pay attention.

Hyde’s arms are back to normal. He’s not in pain anymore.

He looks at him in complete shock.

“Ha, there was something I could do!”

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marzipanandminutiae · 1 year

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Hi Marzi! Hope you're doing well.

I've had some questions about CPeak for some time. And i was just wondering what you'd think about them!

1. When the police found Beatrice murdered, they didn't seem to suspect Lucille because she was just a child then. So why was she sent to the assylum? Is it because no one volunteered to take care of her, and she had nowhere else to go?

2. Lucille was pregnant when Thomas was married to Enola. That was 1896, so Lucille was 31 then. Do you think it was her fist pregnancy? I mean, it's probably been over 10 years since they've been sleeping with each other. Do you think they've ever tried some kind of contraception?

3. What do you think the villagers' opinion on the Sharpes would be? Allerdale is probably the largest house in the region so everyone would know who the Sharpes are. And both Thomas and Lucille seem to regularly visit the village. Do you think the villagers ever suspected the Sharpes? (Especially about Thomas having multiple wives. And also Beatrice's death.)

And as far as i know, not going to church was considered unacceptable at that time. The Sharpes don't seem to go. Edith went to church when she was in America. So what would've Edith thought about that? And the villagers?

Happy to offer my thoughts!

I have two theories about how Lucille ended up in the asylum. The first- and what I think the movie meant to imply -was that the police did figure out that she'd killed Beatrice. There was a public story about her going to a convent school to save the family's reputation, while she was in fact institutionalized.

My second theory is that the authorities didn't work out the truth and released her to the same aunt and uncle in Whitehaven that Thomas spent his school holidays with- but they either suspected her guilt or simply found her inconvenient to deal with, and packed her off to a mental hospital. (Which, either way, I imagine to be the most disreputable sort of charity hospital- decent asylums DID exist back then, with doctors genuinely trying to help their patients, but those tended to be for people with money.)

2. Again, a few options here as I see it:

It was her first pregnancy that got far enough to be noticed, possibly because she's just biologically inclined to be less fertile (or Thomas has a low sperm count, or whatever).

She'd been terminating them before, but this was the first one Thomas actually noticed. And his excitement + her desire to be a mother despite thinking it was a bad idea convinced her to carry to term this time.

They had been using some kind of contraception, which failed (probably anything they had access to would be far less effective than modern options, and state-of-the-art contraception for 1896 would have been beyond their means).

I definitely suspect she terminated any subsequent pregnancies, though- and given period abortion methods and her lack of medical training beyond first aid and kitchen chemistry, it's a miracle she didn't die.

3. The bios sort of answer this one! Apparently the children were allowed out a bit more before their father's death, and though the family on the whole didn't mix with the villagers, they apparently found Thomas charming and Lucille polite but cold. The article about Beatrice's death, in the movie, mentions that people sometimes saw Lucille riding her pony (?!) around the hills near the house. As adults, the siblings seem disinclined to give a damn what anyone they don't need anything from thinks of them. So the villagers might well find them both incredibly sketchy- they just don't care.

(That said, I'm not sure their behavior would raise too many red flags if they weren't around much. Thomas is actively charismatic and likeable, and even Lucille is well-mannered- being well-mannered but aloof and very Proper would hardly have seemed unusual for a thirtysomething aristocratic spinster back then.)

(They don't know that he was psyched to have gotten his sister pregnant, or that she thinks seldom blinking makes her seem more normal.)

As for going to church, yes, it was expected of the well-to-do in both the US and UK back then. But again...the Sharpes give nary a damn what's expected. It seems their parents barely did, and that's when the family still had some fortune to lose. Easy enough to plead inability to attend- the Baronet is away on business; Lady Sharpe is in delicate health. The children could scarcely go on their own, after all. The villagers might have thought it odd, but they're still just villagers. Their opinions were of no consequence to nobility.

As for the adult occupants of Allerdale Hall in 1901...I'd be very surprised if any of them were particularly religious. Even Edith, who both grew up going to church and knows for a fact that there is life after death, doesn't really seem the type to me. I doubt she thinks about it much, really.

And the siblings have no reason to venerate a god who seemingly heard years of their desperate prayers and did nothing.

#long post #crimson peak #meta #ask #lucillesharpeismybaby #abortion mention

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phoenixkaptain · 2 years

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I can’t help but find something so fascinating about Legends’ Luke.

He grew up on Tatooine, a place I am still unconvinced has an actual school on it. He grew up somehow being optimistic on the worst planet in the known galaxy. Do you realize how bad Tatooine is? They have a Sarlacc Pit, they have two suns, they have a den of evil and corruption and villainy, and a Hutt lives there! And Luke is still an optimist!

But the way the novels especially portray Luke’s thought process is what fascinates me. Luke isn’t confident in his abilities. Luke doesn’t even fully understand his abilities. He has to figure out how to train Leia when he was barely trained himself. He has to figure out how to teach children when he doesn’t even understand what that would even entail.

He is nervous and he is depressed and he has moments where he thinks about old fights and gets more nervous. He’s also friends with Lando Calrissian, who for all intents and purposes set a trap specifically for Luke! Nobody else trusts Lando as much after that debacle, except for Luke, who apparently talks to him enough for Lando to teach him how to make hot chocolate.

Luke gave his father a second chance. His father who killed countless people and killed Luke’s friends and killed Luke’s family and Luke still believed that he could be good. So of course Luke gives Lando another chance, Luke is the King of Giving Out Second Chances.

There are parts where he just drifts. Where he’s alone and he feels lonely and he doesn’t want to do anything and the weight of everything feels like it’s crushing him. But, he still tries to convince Threepio and Leia that he’s fine. Leia can literally feel his emotions and Luke just tells her he’s fine. Luke tells everyone that he’s fine, when he really just feels lost.

Luke refers to Yoda as his Master and his friend. He considers Obi-Wan his Master and his friend, but more than that even, he loves Obi-Wan and is absolutely crushed when Force Ghost Obi-Wan tells him he’s leaving. Luke went through the most rushed and hurried Jedi training in the history of ever, but he still tries to remember what Yoda and Obi-Wan did. More, he tries to understand why they taught him the way they did. Were they pressed for time or was Luke really just that quick of a learner? Luke has no idea.

But, I think of Luke losing time, a lot. Where he’ll be doing something and he’ll blank out the whole memory. And yes, this is mostly referred to when Luke uses the Force, and I like to think it’s the Force letting Luke sit in the backseat while it drives for a few seconds or minutes. The point isn’t that though. The point is that he loses time and he doesn’t remember things and he doesn’t know how he can use the Force, he doesn’t understand why he can use the Force, and he can’t explain it to anyone, because Luke doesn’t really consciously use the Force that much.

I think we’re meant to assume that Luke is sort of always using the Force. I say this because from the very start back in 1976, we know that Luke would drive full tilt at canyon walls to pull away at the last second. We know that he had a somehow impeccable aim with a blaster. We know that he dodges attacks without even really comprehending why he’s moving. Luke is sort of always using the Force, especially as the movies go on to the Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi. I don’t think Luke knows how not to use the Force, really.

We know that Jedi can hide themselves, even that early on, because Obi-Wan managed to hide his presence from Darth Vader while they were on the Death Star (for a while, at least, and even then, it’s implied that Obi-Wan slipped up for one second. Vader just noticed that slip up because he’s so familiar with Obi-Wan). But hiding himself from Vader is never really an option that Luke considers. He doesn’t know how to hide himself, he doesn’t know how to be anything other than a flashing beacon. Luke uses the Force so casually in Return of the Jedi, and maybe it’s strange, but I really think he can use it so easily because he’s always using it.

Luke dissociates and Luke zones out and Luke thinks about things that have nothing to do with his current dilemma and Luke’s aunt and uncle both died and Obi-Wan (who in the novel is described by Luke as practically being the desert. Luke associates him with Tatooine, because Ben has always been there, and therefore, on some level, Luke associates him with his home) dies and Luke has to shove all of that emotion down to do more action sequences. Luke believes in his father even when Vader is watching him be electrocuted and Luke tried so hard to save Vader by getting him off the ship and Luke burned Anakin in a pyre then went and smiled at Leia to tell her that he was fine.

Luke is a self-sacrificing character on a fundamental level. He does stupid stuff and he doesn’t really expect to live through it. We know this because he’s so excited to live through it. His assumptions were proven wrong, he’s still alive, and he didn’t see that coming.

Luke is also unlike every other Jedi we ever end up seeing. He has attachment because I honestly think that splitting up Force twins would be the equivalent of splitting an atom, so… Luke tries to speak around things, but he always ends up explaining in layman’s terms in the end. His plans are very clear cut, it’s obvious that Leia is the one who comes up with plans because Luke isn’t good at coming up with plans. (All of Luke’s plans are: jump in and hope for the best. Luke should not be allowed to plan anything, I’m hesitant to even let him try and plan lessons, honestly-)

Luke is kind of similar to mavericks like Qui-Gon, but Luke, for the most part, tries to stay in the lines? I cannot stress enough how law-abiding Luke somehow is, despite growing up on fucking Tatooine. Maybe a part of that is that Luke doesn’t have a Council to answer to, but I don’t know. While his actions feel kind of like Qui-Gon, Luke isn’t because Qui-Gon was obsessive and Luke just isn’t. Luke isn’t like Obi-Wan either, because Obi-Wan is one of the most pessimistic optimists in the whole series, and Luke is just an optimist. Anakin is based, later on especially, more on Luke, but Anakin honestly acts more like Leia.

Leia is the one who had a whirlwind romance with an older person, just like her father. Leia is the one who is a War General. Leia is the one who gets angry and irate and hides it beneath a very thin veneer. Leia is the one who talks back to people who want to see her dead. Leia is the one who was still casually chilling in her cell on the Death Star, after being tortured and before her scheduled execution. Leia is the character who chases after escaping figures without really stopping to think. Leia is like Anakin, and I can’t help but think that Anakin’s writing is purposefully based more off of Leia than Luke.

Luke isn’t like the Jedi Council, who answer to a Senate. The New Republic wants him to answer to him, but Luke up and ditches them to go to Dagobah multiple times. In fact, Luke never checks with the New Republic before going somewhere. He might check with Leia, but even then… Luke straight up is like “I’m going to Dagobah. Does anyone know? Of course not. That would be silly.”

Luke is so chaotic, honestly, when portrayed with the New Republic, because they ask him to do or not to do things and he does not listen.

They tell Leia “There’s no time for you to train as a Jedi.”

Luke says: “Dang, I better learn how to becoem a teacher quicker so I can teach you despite the leaders saying no.”

They say: “Luke, the Rebels are going to this rendezvous point, meet us there.”

Luke: “I’ll meet you there in a few months, give or take.”

They say: “Luke, you need to fly in formation.”

Luke: “I am going in, guns blazing, with only fifteen monutes experience driving a ship in outer space, and I am going to go for kills with no back up, and I’m going to encourage my friends to get out of bad situations while I get myself into worse ones, and I’m going to turn off my targetting computer and blow up the Death Star.”

And what can the New Republic even do?? Luke doesn’t have a position, outside of the nebulous “Jedi Master” and Luke doesn’t even have a Jedi Council, so they can’t complain to the Council, like they did in the good ol days and if they treat Luke too poorly or don’t listen to him enough or bother him in any way, Leia Organa Solo will descend upon them with the wrath of ten thousand men. And, to make matters worse, Luke doesn’t let this power go to his head, so they can barely even complain to each other!

The New Republic has literally zero control over Luke and Luke’s actions. They can suggest things and he might do them, but Luke has the power to do whatever he wants whenever he wants. They are lucky he’s loyal, or he would probably dip out mid-mission.

This fact alone makes Luke the strangest Jedi. Luke answers to no one. The Jedi had a Council for thousands of years, but Luke doesn’t. Jedi Masters perform some feat of strength and overcome great trials to reach their station. Luke wasn’t even the one to actually kill the Emperor.

If I were to liken Luke to anyone, maybe it would be Yaddle. Especially with Tales of the Jedi’s depiction of her basically making her a direct mirror to Luke. Yaddle is young, for her species. Yaddle became a Master (I cannot stress enough that this may not be canon anymore, but it was at one point and good God I want it to be so bad) by meditating in a prison for a hundred years. Yaddle is willing to find a way to forgive Dooku for all of his innumerous crimes and she wants to be there for him because she knows Dooku had a strong attachment to his Padawan. Luke is what I imagine Yaddle would act like without the Council. Or maybe, Yaddle is what I imagine Luke would act like with the Council.

But really, there’s no Jedi that acts the way Luke does. Even when they tried to make Rey into a Luke-type, it just didn’t turn out that way. Luke is self-sacrificing, yes. Luke is reckless, he is dumb, he zones out, and he gets attached. But, Luke wants to help people. And Luke has an undying loyalty. And Luke responds to problems in the same way Anakin did, minus all the wrecked ships.

He’s such a unique character, especially in Legends’, and I think what strikes me is that they clearly wanted Luke to be a small version of his father, in the beginning.

But, somehow, Leia still has more in common with Vader than Luke does. Leia and Vader both are the faces of their respective organizations, despite not technically leading. Leia and Vader are both feared when they’re angry. Leia and Vader are both unimpressed and unintimidated by Tarkin. Leia and Vader have parallels and they act as opposites, the obvious being Leia in white and Vader in black. But, there’s also Vader’s complete faith in the Force, and Leia’s line that force just leads to downfall. Even their heights, with Vader being so tall and Leia being so short. They are clearly narrative foils, but in the way that they are similar depsite their differences. They’re both leaders. They even both act arrogant with fake accent. I cannot stress enough that Leia and Vader are so clearly two sides of the same coin, especially in A New Hope. Even down to them both getting excited when they realize Obi-Wan is aboard (albeit for different reasons…)

Luke just doesn’t have that with Vader. I feel like we as a culture are so aware of the twist in the second movie, that we just know it’s coming and so don’t think about Luke’s similarities. The only similarities they really share are that Luke looks like his dad and Luke pilots like his dad. Oh, and Luke has the Force like his dad. They’re both from Tatooine. I suppose you could call Luke’s unwavering faith in Vader’s goodness a reference to Vader’s unwavering faith in the Force. Luke does wear dark colours too. But those are things that come later!

In the first movie, the similarities are just looks, Tatooine, piloting. Luke is inherently innocent in the first movie in a way Vader or Anakin are never portrayed. It’s hinted in the novel and deleted scenes that the Lars family is poor, but just looking at the first movie and novel for reference, there’s no evidence really there to support the idea that Anakin grew up poor. Anakin went off to train with Jedi and fight in a war. Luke also runs off to train with Jedi and fight in a war, but even their motivations are different. Luke only leaves when there’s nothing left for him on Tatooine. Anakin probably could have returned at any point and Owen and Beru would’ve just shrugged and let him stay.

I just, I know Luke is supposed to be a mini version of his father, but it doesn’t feel like Vader was supposed to be that father, in A New Hope.

But, I’ve gotten sidetracked. Luke is a strange character. He dissociates. He cut off Vader’s hand and went “Yeah. I feel like we’re even now. I’m content.” He wonders how he can teach Leia and then dissociates for twenty minutes while using the training bot. He made Leia a lightsaber. He barely ever listens to any authority figure, but he almost always listens to Leia. He can understand binary and is fond of Artoo and Threepio. His best friend was the Force Ghost version of Obi-Wan. He considers Yoda his friend. He strangled a Gamorrean guard to death. He has a friendship with Lando Calrissian that is apparently very strong, but you almost never see them even stand next to each other. He and Leia are so ridiculously intuned to each other that they respond to each other’s thoughts and they can tell if each other is alive even when Leia’s on planet and Luke’s on the second Death Star. Luke probably would have had a similar bond with Vader, but he tried to keep it closed off. Leia gets pregnant with Force-sensitive twins and Luke’s first thought is “How am I going to train these children when I don’t know how to teach???”

Luke is so weird. He’s so strange. He’s absolutely adorable. He’s unlike any other Jedi in the series, and he found the stew Yoda made to be quite tasty, actually.

(Also, speaking of Yoda. Luke shimmied around Yoda’s little house, careful not to break anything, and he ate some stew and he had a talk and then he goes “Wait a minute, why am I sitting here with you? I was looking for Master Yoda >:/“ He got distracted, he got sidetracked, I occasionally jokingly say that Anakin has ADHD but actually it isn’t a joke and Luke definitely isn’t neurotypical either, Luke was just having a gay old time with the weird green man who introduced himself by stealing Luke’s stuff.)

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cyncerity · 2 years

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time to talk more about the sizeshifter!sapnap au!! spoiler alert, the thing i’m writing for it doesn’t really go into worldbuilding, it’s just fluff, so I wanted to say something about where the au is headed with some doodles to accompany my explination :)

Where we last left off, Sapnap had rescued his fiancés from a shop goer who has taken them. After they get home, the three of them decide that the store may not be as safe as they first thought. They don’t want to move, but they’re scared something like that will happen again and don’t want to risk it. Downside is they’ve never lived in a human house before and are unwilling to live in the wild because of reasons that you can either guess or i’ll explain later >:)

They eventually come up with an idea: now that they know Sapnap can be human sized, Sapnap will get somewhere safe to live. They’ll finally have a house where they don’t have to worry about hiding or stealing, and to all of them it seems like the best option. Problem is: how do humans get houses again?

Sapnap had gone out into the store human sized to grab supplies for the base when a strange man stops him. He said that he’s seen Sapnap around a lot recently, which terrifies Sapnap because who is this human man and why has he taken notice of him? He tells Sapnap that he noticed that the only clothes he ever wears are carried in the store and he’s been in the store every day grabbing food, but none of the security cameras see him pay or even leave with it, and none of the employees have either. In fact, none of them have ever seen him leave in general. Or come in. Sapnap is ready to just punch the guy and run but he’s surprised when the man says that if he ever needs anything, he doesn’t have to hesitate to go to him for help, given that the store is his and he wants to help in any way he can. He also throws around the word “homeless” a few times, but Sapnap isn’t entirely sure what it means, given that he does have a house and it’s absolutely none of the human’s business.

(this first meeting between them btw it was drawn very quickly and shittily)

Sapnap quickly shuts down the conversation and leaves, telling his fiancés what happened as soon as he got home. Sapnap is convinced they have to leave, but Karl and Quackity have a better idea: get the human to help them find a new place to live. And as much as Sapnap hates the idea, he admits that it’s probably best to ask the human about human things.

So the next day, he begrudgingly goes to ask the human about a house, asking how to get one. The human seems confused and started to go into complicated things that Sapnap had never heard of, but one thing stuck out: money. Apparently he needed a lot of that for a house. So, he asked the human how to get money.

Fast forward a few days, and Sapnap, now named “Nick” to his human co-workers, is steadily saving up for a house for him and his tiny boyfriends. The three of them had made up a cover story for “Nick,” too; he was indeed homeless, he was estranged from his family, and had been living out of the store for about 2 and a half weeks (about the amount of time it’d been since Sapnap had revealed himself as a shifter and started going into the store more). Sure, it wasn’t all too detailed, but it this way it could always be reworked at a different time. Speaking of the strange store owner human, apparently named Dream, though he said this was a nickname, he had been letting Sapnap take food free from the store for meals and letting him take whatever clothes he needed as well. He also directed Sapnap to a place where homeless humans apparently go for shelter, and Sapnap told Dream that he had started living there, even if in actuality he had just started to leave the store and re-enter through a tiny rope that Karl and Quackity hung from an outdoor vent.

(this is Sapnap in a normal human looking outfit of a stolen hoodie and a beanie to cover his pointy ears and Dream fitting Sapnap for a workplace uniform)

So now he has a steady income, and is a good step closer to getting a safe home for the people he loves. Problem? Oh, just that he’s working for a human, in a place meant for humans, and all of his human co-workers keep trying to converse with him. He doesn’t trust a single one of them, they’re humans after all, and he’s just trying to keep his head down long enough to get out of there, no matter how suspicious he seems. Meanwhile, Dream is telling everyone on staff to be as nice as possible to the new guy, and they all can tell something isn’t adding up with him. It’s not their business to pry, but why is he always on edge? What isn’t he telling them?

(psst more doodles under the cut)

outfit concepts!! normalize borrowers who wear clothes made from fun patterned scraps hsjsksl

weird store owner man and the general store uniform

ignore the bottom left on the first one definitely not a different au character nope more outfits doodles and notes for Quackity and Karl!

Sapnap next to his human sized name tag that i didnt put a name on cause i was in school and didnt want people to see that this was dsmp fanart and a pic of Sap’s hand.

Fun fact: borrowers don’t do engagement rings. They make funky braids with their family colors and wear those to signify who you’re close to (romantic, familial, and platonic relationships are all treated similarly by onlookers in their society, and nobody really cares of their braid means for a lover or a friend, it just means someone important). Sapnap, however, after learning about the human tradition of an engagement ring, starts to wear it on his ring finger in human form.

Also, I have a lot more doodles with Sapnap and his co-workers so here’s a game: if you can guess who he works with, i’ll post the doodle and some drabble about them :D

#i could rant about every decision I made about the fiancés outfits for hours #i love designing borrower clothes #cyncerity #mcyt g/t #mcyt gt #sizeshifter!sapnap au #also #it will gain another name:#store shifter au #cause i have a lot of [thing]![character] au titles #anyway #this was longer than I meant it t be #g/t #dsmp g/t #g/t art #g/t au #g/t karlnapity #karlnapity au

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thevoidstaredback · 2 months

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Recording was cancelled tonight, so we're gonna watch more movies with my parents.

Tonight's Movie: The Amazing Spider-Man (Andrew Garfield)

My phone is gonna be charging during the movie, so probably won't get any of my thoughts. (Unless I grab my 6ft cord👀)

Anyway, I think my family has either gaslit me or I'm going crazy. I'm the only one, out of the five of us, who remembers the tradition of us watching The Amazing Spider-Man (or any of the Spider-Man movies, really) every year on New Year's Eve until I was 15.

I know what I know, but no one else does, apparently.

I got the longer cord. Maybe I'll remember to add my thoughts:

We keep having hiccups. We'll get to the movie eventually... In the meantime, and because no one asked or probably cares, I'm gonna make a master post thing for my movie thoughts.

Aunt May!

Uncle Ben!

It'd be a shame if anything happened to either of them.👀

I'm arachnophobic....

Peter is such a dork. I love him.

I am extremely arachnophobic..........

Poor Peter. He doesn't know what's going on. He's got superpowers, though.

You'd think I'd be a lot more prepared to watch a movie called Spider-Man, knowing full well that this one has actual spiders in it. But, nope! I shudder every time a spider comes on screen.

I hate Flash (Spider-Man Flash, not DC Flash.)

I love Uncle Ben. Like, very much so.

Peter and Gwen are very cute. Like, teeth-rottingly fluffy. I love them.

It'd be a shame if something happened to either of them.

He said the thing!!

Uncle Ben!!!😭😭😭😭😭

I'm gonna cry

"He's not a vigilante-" liar.

Good to know that Peter doesn't like spandex at first. He seemed so put off by the fact that every best option was spandex.

I love him. He's such a dork. He's so funny.

Curtis's got a new hand!

It's slimy af, tho.

It's also a bit scaley

He's struggling for words and it's adorable. He's so in love. She's so in love back.

Poor Gwen.

Poor Canoe.

He said the thing!!!

I love the subtitles in the soundtrack that I've never noticed before. Like, there's a series of notes that indicates whenever his Spidey Sense goes off. I never noticed it before now.

Godzilla joke. Subtle.

Godzilla joke mark 2. Also subtle.

Why does no one ever listen to kids? And then turn around, do as the kid suggested, and claim it as their own idea? It's bull.

His phone is so old...

I keep wanting to call The Lizard 'Killer Croc', but this is Marvel, not DC.

I also keep wanting to call him Doc. Oc, which is the right franchise, but the wrong villain.

Cop dad uncomfortable with period symptoms? Tsk, tsk.

Peter! You're hurt! Not the time to kiss your girl!

Hearing voices, doc? Hmm. Smells like a BBEG.

Gwen, sweetie, when people tell you to run away. Run away.

Stan Lee Cameo!!!

I miss him.

Maybe don't get close to the Big, Bad Lizard Man...

Gwen, honey, what did I say about running?

I love that the construction workers are helping him. Like, basically every villain says "No good deed goes unpunished." but Spidey saved one kid and now has all the blue collar workers helping him out. I love it and it doesn't get enough rep.

Cop Dad Stacy!😸

Cop Dad Stacy!🙀

Cop Dad Stacy!😿

Aunt May's a girlboss. I love her

#random #movies #spiderman #spider man #andrew garfield #the amazing spider man #marvel cinematic universe #marvel #mcu #andrew garfield spiderman

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trashpandacraft · 11 months

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when we last saw our hero (me, in this instance), they had just run out of photos on their sheep and wool post because apparently the accursed tumblr app has a ten-photo limit. fear not, though, because now i'm on my actual computer!

so: bendigo sheep and wool pt ii: the fibre!!

i bought a couple silk hankies, because i've never spun one before and it sounded fun, and they were cheap. couldn't find any undyed, alas, but surely someone on the internet does that, right?

i also bought some dyed mulberry silk. i've got some tussah that i'm going to dye, but these were pretty and relatively inexpensive, and i'm a sucker.

aaaaaand then i bought some sari silk, which i've never used before! several of you have been doing some gorgeous stuff with sari silk recently, though, and i'm a copycat, so here we are.

i have no idea why my phone decided that all of these needed to have ~depth~ added to the shots, but i'm not hauling all of this out again, so here we are. you get the vibe.

i also got a little coil of bamboo fibre, because i've never spun bamboo on its own before. (i don't know if i'll actually spin this on its own or if i'll blend it, but now i have the option!)

i also got a thing of optim fibre (incredibly poorly formatted post from 2011, but explanatory), which i've never used before—it's merino that's been processed to stretch it out, making it even finer and softer. it's sort of weird to touch—it feels more like silk or created fibres than it does wool, but it seemed like it would be fun to try.

moving on to even more exciting stuff, we bought some castledale top. castledale isn't a breed yet, but is being developed as one, and i've heard that it's a delight to spin.

obviously it was important that we get both the plain and the kind with silk in it.

and, see, that was important because we hadn't yet done the most exciting thing we did all weekend, which was finding some gorgeous, affordable, locally made hand combs!

if you're in australia and want fibre tools, you should absolutely check out their website, and honestly, even if you're not, the shipping might be worth it. they were so, so nice, and the tools we got there are just gorgeous. (they're less yellow than this, in person, but my phone doesn't play nicely with the purple light in my bedroom at eleven p.m.)

we ended up getting mini combs, because as we were talking, the guy who makes them noticed my heavily kt-taped wrist and pointed out that the mini combs are less wear on your wrists, which sold me.

they also had some wonderfully designed lazy kates, which will hopefully let me avoid ever having to do this again.

the cleverest part is that it flat packs—the bobbin holders just lift out, and the orifice (it has an orifice!!) is held in place by the little screw up front. the tension is controlled by turning the knob, just like on a spinning wheel.

can't say enough about what lovely people they were, and i'm so excited to have enough fine motor control that it feels safe to assemble the cards. this weekend, hopefully.

and you might be thinking 'ok but are you just like...using those for blending?' and the answer would be no!! because we also bought these!

i went in thinking 'oh, i'm going to get something that's not an incredibly fine wool,' but like...what was i thinking? we're in australia. the only thing anyone produces here is fine wools! which isn't at all a complaint, because this looks gorgeous. so we got 1.5 kilos of corrie, and 1.7 of a bond/merino cross. the cross in particular looks absolutely stunning, and i cannot wait to start playing with them.

the rather elderly (80-ish?) woman working at the north east yarns booth gave us a lengthy talk about spinning in the grease, which i might try. one of the really interesting things to me here was that i've only ever looked at raw fleeces in the northeastern us before now, where the weather concerns are...uh, somewhat different? these fleeces don't have the dirt that i've seen on raw fleece before, just dusty bits—they're almost more like what i would associate with alpaca with regards to actual dirt/vm, but with bonus lanolin. so that's a nice bonus, and makes the idea of spinning in the grease was less offputting. (yes, i know that you can buy cleaner fleeces in the united states, too, and you can coat your sheep or have dry weather or whatever, but that's not an experience that i personally have had.)

this concludes (mostly) the list of things i bought at sheep and wool (also i bought slippers), and illustrates both why i cannot be trusted and also incredible restraint on my part.

#shopping #spinning #fibre #fiber #bendigo sheep and wool #seriously it was the best day ever #and this will keep us busy for many many many hours #some people golf right?#i have a nice normal eco-friendly hobby where you spend a bunch of money once and then you're good for six months or so #unless something else interesting shows up and you're not good anymore but that's hardly the point #smartest raccoon i know

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m34gs · 1 year

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Inclusive Sizing Tights Rec:

Comfy! Ethical! Inclusive! Durable! Tights!!!!!!

So, I follow @mayakern (lovely shop; 10/10; fantastic designs for skirts, pins, journals; and every interaction with customers I've seen has been honest, down-to-earth, and centered on inclusivity - link to my previous post regarding the skirts here). And I noticed that Maya had recommended a shop a couple of times for tights to go with the skirts. So, I just had to check it out!

The store is Snag Tights. An online store, they have a plethora of tights, chub-rub shorts, swimwear, dresses, robes, towels, etc. And, they have inclusive sizing. I am in love. I ordered three pairs of tights and two pairs of chub rub shorts; this was at the start of May. The clothes arrived within the month and I started wearing them as soon as I could. It's been about a month now, I wear the products almost every day, and I must say: They are comfy, they don't slip down or roll down, they are easy to wash and dry, and there's no apparent wear or tear on them (even the parts that sit between my thighs!!!).

For reference to my size and why this is such a big deal to me: I have to find the biggest pairs of tights at my local Walmart when I go shopping. Even then, those tights are usually uncomfortable though according to the chart on the packaging they should fit me perfectly. They chafe because they don't sit right in the groin/inner thigh, they roll or slide down my legs even while they're too tight around my hips, and they usually have a hole either in the crotch or the thigh within two weeks of wearing them. So, then I tried Pennington's. I love Pennington's, there's a lot of great clothes that fit me there and there's lots of sizes that could accommodate people both larger and smaller than me. But their tights do not fit my body very well. I went for the size that should have fit me, and it had similar problems to the Walmart tights: too tight in the crotch/inner thigh/hip, sliding down, and just not lasting near long enough. I like wearing a lot of skirts and dresses, and the chub rub is Real. It hurts. I need something to be that barrier between my thighs. I've tried using lotions or body butter just to even act as a bit of a lubricant so the thighs don't chafe, but it never really lasts and actual lubricant on my thighs makes me feel gross (it's a texture thing).

So! Snag Tights. I am fully in love with their products so far. There are so many fun colours available and different designs. Here are some links to the ones I purchased so far:

Pride Tights Love is Love

Black Opaque Tights

Raspberry Pie Opaque Tights

Black Stay Cool Chub Rub Shorts

Builder's Tea Stay Cool Chub Rub Shorts

And here's a link to the sizing chart that includes a variety of sizes AND accounts for different body shapes: Sizing Guide. As you can see when you view their products, they have a great range of models who have different shapes, sizes, disabilities, ethnicities, etc. It gives a better idea for me as to what the tights might look like on me before I even buy them.

(Please note: those links are to the Canadian online store, as I am in Canada. The store has different links for different countries, which you can find if you scroll all the way to the bottom)

I really recommend checking them out if you've ever had difficulty finding tights that fit well, whether you're plus-sized or not.

Check out their page on the store's ethics and sustainability; I love hearing that businesses pay their workers a fair and ethical wage, and the environmental conscientiousness is awesome!!!

I hope this post can find someone that needs it, I love spreading the word about good plus-size clothing options!

As always, please don't use this post as grounds to argue about brands/stores/etc. but definitely feel free to like, reblog, and add more suggestions!

And thank you so so much to @mayakern for recommending this store in the asks you've answered! You're the entire reason I found them at all. 💜💜💜

#clothing #plus sized fashion #inclusive fashion #size inclusive fashion #tights #snag tights #sustainability #ethical fashion #recommendation #tights recommendation #clothing recommendation #shopping #fashion

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warrenwaskilledbyadeer · 1 year

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I won't tag this with the fandom's tags 'cause it probably won't make sense to anyone but me but I am going to attempt to put my Daniel and Elise brainrot thoughts into words

Everyone who's in the Amnesia fandom has one specific aspect of one of the games that they particularly fixate on I've noticed, like there's one thing more than everything else that just really catches your fancy and takes your breath away about these games

For me that one thing is Daniel and Elise obviously hehe

There are so many parallels to be had with them that just eat away at my soul and so much potential with her haunting him that makes my brain go OFF but my thoughts about them have gone down so deep at this point that they have gained a consciousness of their own and I've lost all control of where it's taken me

But here's the long and short of it

I feel like Daniel and Elise's fates are on an inextricable collision course that cannot be stopped. Like. And again these are just my own personal thoughts but no matter what version of them it is, what timeline in the game or what AU, their destinies are entwined and there is nothing either of them can do about it no matter how hard they try (and they have, trust me)

And Daniel always ruins her life too. Without fail. Most of the time it's by killing her but in a couple of AUs she doesn't die but her life is still ruined and they're still bound together from that time on. The part that makes it the worst (which makes it the BEST) is how perfectly suited they were to be friends, with their backstories and personalities being so similar, but they can n e v e r be friends, because of his actions. The most they ever achieve is strained tolerance.

I also have this thought that Daniel was placed by fate in the castle so that he would be able to save Elise and he went not only against God and man but their destiny itself by killing her instead

So yeah. They're intrinsically connected. They're inescapably linked together for forever even before they meet and they have no idea. This is why I tagged them as this one tumblr post I saw that said, "Not romantic connection or platonic connection but a secret third option (like stray cats that have bonded together and now can't be separated)" LIKE YEP that's them, they're stuck in this hell together so might as well assist each other in sticking it out

That's also why I think Elise wants to see Daniel redeem himself, 'cause if she has to be around him forever she'd rather he be doing something good than just going around being a psycho

Okay so apparently I could find the words to explain it 😂 don't know if it makes any sense outside of my head though but I hope my few Amnesia followers enjoy the thought 'cause this is my entire personality since playing this game

#deep sigh of relief #that felt really nice actually to type all out like that #depressive episode hit me in the face like a truck in the middle of this though so sorry if it's weird at any point #but finishing this helped me feel better i at least won't cry and will get some more stuff done before i go to bed tonight #just me rambling #i scream into the void

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squishmallow36 · 2 years

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Keeper of the Lost Prepositions - Forty

Word count: 2.5k

Tw: I'm going to warn for internalized homophobia but it's not the worst I've done

Taglist (lmk if you want to be added/removed!): @stellar-lune @gaslight-gaetkeep-gayboss @kamikothe1and0lny @nyxpixels @florida-fruity-frog @poppinspop @crystallinewalker @uni-seahorse-572 @solreefs @books-over-boys @rusted-phone-calls @when-wax-wings-melt @cotyledon-tomentosa @good-old-fashioned-lover-boy7 @dexter-dizzknees @abubble125

On Ao3 or below the cut!

Fitz PoV

With Keefe safely in the closet, I almost let myself exhale.

And then I see the damage he did to my room in his short time out here.

Even after I’ve fixed the dresser he managed to completely empty.

Well, everything’s a wrinkled mess, but at least it’s in there.

Someone knocks at my door, and my blood runs cold. “Hey, Fitz.”

I curse under my breath, and open the door, knowing she’s going to know everything in a matter of seconds.

“How are you doing?” Biana asks, leaning against the door frame.

I refuse to give her an answer. Why can’t people let me relax for half a second?

“Someone’s grumpy today. Got it. I’ll leave you alone.”

She actually leaves me alone, closing the door behind her and everything. For the first time ever.

I flop backward in my bed, staring at the glowing stars on my ceiling that were put up there when I was six and have yet to come down.

I sigh.

“You know, this is the exact reason I don’t let you out. Because now I have to worry about cleaning up my room because someone decided to be a five-year-old gremlin because he needs more notebooks to draw in the dark when he has a perfectly capable Imparter.”

Keefe bumps the door with his knee. At least that’s what I’m hoping it is. It’s a new sound, so I haven’t quite figured out what it means yet.

“Need I remind you that this was your idea?” Most of the time, that’s what he wants, so it’s not a bad guess.

He bumps the door again with his knee, lower to the ground this time though.

Apparently I’m still missing his message, because crinkles some paper, and I notice he slipped a note under the door.

What can’t be expressed by beating the crap out of my poor closet door?

It says, You forgot to make sure Biana left.

“What are you talking about? Well, I guess writing would be more accurate. But either way, I literally saw her leave.”

Preposition, the tiny, annoying part of my brain reminds me.

Keefe slips another note, this one crammed in a corner, so it takes a second to decode.

Trust the Empath.

“Biana, are you in here? Or is Keefe just messing with me? And if you’re just going to stay invisible to spite me, I will remind you that I have glitter and that won’t vanish immediately. I remember that game of Base Quest where we found that out.”

Biana weighs her options and blinks into sight, sitting on one of my dressers in the darkest corner of my room, ankles crossed like she’s trying to appear more innocent than she is.

I curse.

“I was suspicious, okay? You don’t spend this much time in your room. Well, ever since you stopped staring at your ceiling because of Sophie, at least,” Biana explains.

I know Keefe’s going to annoy me until I release him from his closet, so I dismantle my barricade again and open up the door.

Crawling out like he hasn’t seen the sun in days, even though he was just in my room, Keefe waves at Biana, smiling like an idiot.

“I thought you’d been kidnapped.”

He’s totally like, “I’m locked in a literal closet. Was I not kidnapped?”

I know this without even looking at him.

“That was the idea.”

Biana curses. “That changes things.”

I clarify, “That was his idea.”

Keefe’s pouting behind me. I don’t even need to confirm this with evidence.

Yeah, I’m going to throw you under the bus. It’s been a long six days, mate.

“Why...why didn’t you at least tell me?” Biana asks, her focus on Keefe, hands on her hips.

“From a statistical standpoint, the fewer people that are involved, the safer the secret is. The only reason he involved me is because he needed a closet. And before you start asking why he isn’t living in your closet instead, he spent a summer in my closet in Level Three, so we’ve dealt with this before. Although he was less annoying and several inches shorter back then.”

“I hate to burst your bubble, but--who am I kidding? I love bursting your bubble. I found out about that the first weekend after midterms. I told Mum and Dad, and they agreed they wanted to give him a nice summer.

I make a displeased noise, or I imagine I do.

“Let me help,” Biana pleads. “I can sneak him food easier than you can.”

On the one hand, I can’t wait to get rid of him. On the other hand, I’m really worried this is going to set off a chain of dominoes ending in the Neverseen knowing where he is.

“Just don’t tell anyone. Don’t. Tell. Anyone. Do you understand me? Don’t trust anyone.”

“Stars, you sound like Dex.”

Keefe might be trying to warn her about how we don’t talk about Dex here. I can sense there’s a disturbance behind me. But for all I know, he’s tearing up my room again.

Biana doesn’t care, instead asking Keefe, “How’ve you been, Lord Hunkyhair?”

I glance at him, and watch him gesture at the closet and then his hair.”

“I know, right? Living both literally and metaphorically in a closet. That takes skills. I can fix that hair for you. It won’t end up pink, I promise.”

He holds up an entire rainbow of notebooks.

“Fine. I won’t dye your hair. It’s only temporary, you know.”

I can feel him staring daggers without even looking.

Biana leads him out of my room and into her bathroom for a makeover, leaving me to my own thoughts.

My thoughts are not a place I want to be right now.

I’m tempted to just distract myself with something, but I know this might be the only free time I get for a while, so I should at least do something productive that I’d be afraid to do if Keefe were in here.

I rub my temples, feeling a headache coming on.

Prepos--nope!

I can’t keep all of these thoughts and feelings stuck in my head, otherwise Keefe’s going to keep getting blasted with wave after wave of them.

I shuffle around, looking through the notebooks I donated to Keefe, trying to find a blank page. Of course, there isn’t one.

Imparter it is, I guess. Dex’d figure out how to write stuff down on his. It can’t be that hard.

On the bright side, I can break an Imparter so much faster than I can get rid of paper.

I manage to not break everything and open up Google Docs.

Staring down that stark, blank white piece of paper makes me want to close it and do something else.

My intros for school are always weak, but I’ve almost gotten it down to a science.

Hook, book, bridge, thesis.

How hard can that be when you don’t have a book?

Answer: very. Go write a book and use that as your book. It’s faster.

Another thing. Formal voice isn’t going to be a thing here. It’s going to be a rant, which is not typically considered formal writing.

Who cares? It won’t be graded. Just write.

Emotions can be challenging to navigate, especially when you’re a teenager that’s part of a rebel organization dealing with another rebel organization run by your best friend’s mom that also includes your older brother that you wish you could forget about all the while not being able to unhear prepositions because of a certain redheaded Disney nerd. But, hey, what do I know? In the story, “Sorry, this is the only way I know how to do intros,” by Whoknows Whotheauthoris, somewhere my brain got a little messed up. I believe that writing all of this down will help me make sense of it all, because I don’t have enough space in my head for all of this at once.

First, the anger. I always start with anger. The reason why is a question for another time. I’m mostly angry with Keefe right now, but that’s just because he’s what we call a wanker and knows exactly how to push my buttons. I am also angry with Biana because she can find out anything about anyone and sometimes I just want a little privacy, okay? Then I’m a little angry with Dex because of reasons which I choose not to write down. Additionally, I’m just perpetually angry at Alvar because he’s one bloody traitor if there ever was one. Finally, I’m also kind of angry with myself for reasons I don’t want to admit.

I stop for a second, considering.

You know what? If my soul is going to be poured out onto paper, or whatever this would be called, I might as well say. I really want to go and beg Dex to listen to me and explain how I made a giant mistake, but I’m sure he hates me now, and there’s nothing I can do to fix it this time. I had my chance. Besides, there are so many other things I have to worry about, it’s not a viable option for me.

I see the preposition, but decide to leave it. Dex is the only one that truly cares, and I’ll be Exiled before I let him, or anyone else, but him in particular, read this.

Next, we might as well cover exactly why it isn’t a viable option for me. It boils down to this: I’m a Vacker. And there’s nothing I can do to change that. We don’t have Bad Matches. Yet there’s still a tiny voice in the back of my mind trying to persuade me to tell society to go--.

Yeah, if this is discovered, that’s not exactly the best sentence I could include.

While I’m trying to think of how to rephrase, Biana decides it’s the perfect time to start blasting some music. I almost immediately recognize it as part of Dex’s favourite playlist. I had it stuck in my head for a few days. I don’t really know if it’s his favourite anymore, but it was a couple weeks ago.

Probably because it was the only human music he really knew because it was Sophie’s originally and he copied it down.

If I traded it all, if I gave it all away for one thing, just for one thing? If I sorted it out, if I knew all about this one thing, wouldn’t that be something?

Yeah, Biana, you can stop sending those subliminal messages.

It’s not very subliminal, if you ask me. Her persuasive message seems pretty clear.

Oh. Stars. Did Keefe tell her? I want to think that he hasn’t but, I also have very few reasons to trust him at the moment.

By the end of the song, I’m left wondering, what if I told society to go--?

The logical voice in my head cuts it off before I get a chance to fully form the thought. But that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t linger.

So I keep on writing.

If a Vacker were to be a part of a Bad Match, they’d likely be disowned. It hasn’t happened before, to my knowledge, but maybe someone was intentionally forgotten. Even if their parents support their decision, then someone in the family tree would obviously distance themselves from me. I mean, the hypothetical Bad Match. I’d rather not do that, but Keefe just essentially got disowned, and it didn’t exactly change much. But I’m a Vacker. The stares and whispers? I get nervous thinking about it. It might be a little bit too much for me to handle. It was more than enough when everyone was focused on Alvar. This could be less than a scandal, because treason kind of outweighs most other things, but it wouldn’t be ‘ew, there’s the traitor’s brother.’ It would be ‘ew, there’s the golden son that was given everything and still chose to be a Bad Match, and he must’ve known that going in because there’s no way two guys could be on each others’ Match Lists, so they didn’t form a connection that pushed them to stick with whatever life throws at them before they knew’.”

Now that I see it...it’s a tad specific. But it’s not wrong!

Third, this will almost undoubtedly make my cognatedom collapse if it hasn’t already. I can’t tell Sophie any of this! Especially after how I treated her when we were dating! I’m now aware I was very much a tosser. There are some things she’ll never get to know.

I hate writing conclusions almost as much as I hate introductions, but they are much less down to a science because I’ve spent all of my mental energy working on the actual content, which I believe is much more important.

Also I don’t know how to navigate this technology thing well enough to go back and edit without the backspace and having to completely delete the later text. There might be more paragraphs in the near future as I need to let out some more emotions, but I’ve had enough for today.

I just want to zone out and sleep until all of my problems figure out how to solve themselves.

But waiting for my problems to solve themselves exceeds my patience levels. Keefe’s taken all of them plus two.

Speaking of Keefe, he and Biana are still blasting music, so I struggle to figure out how to send Sophie a message through my Imparter like Dex does. Hailing would be pointless. She wouldn’t be able to hear anything.

I know we haven’t been on the best of terms lately, and I know it’s entirely my fault, but I was wondering if we could do a couple of cognate exercises. Maybe? See if your mind will still let me in? Catch up on what’s happened since the last time we talked?

It goes through a few rounds of editing, I’m fully aware of the preposition, and I have to try several times to spell ‘exercises’ correctly, but I gather my courage and hit send.

It’s a few songs later when I get a response.

Yeah, sure. Sandor isn’t letting me leave the house, so feel free to pop over here whenever you’re free.

I read the message at least three times in an attempt to gauge the amount of passive aggression hiding in there. I find it to be zero, which is unexpected.

I know my eardrums aren’t going to appreciate this, but I walk over to Biana’s door and knock.

She opens the door a crack and a wave of sound hits me.

“What?” she asks over the music. “Is the music too loud for your precious ears?”

“No, well, yes, but no. I wanted to let you know that I’m heading over to Havenfield. I haven’t run away.”

“That makes it sound like you’re running away.”

“Believe whatever the Exile you want. I’ll see you later.”

#kotlc #detz #dex dizznee #fitz vacker #kotlc fanfic #oh fitz #not me misspelling forty because english is three languages in a trenchcoat

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lololollywrites · 1 year

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So I’m honestly looking for help or advice here. I’ve gone my entire life believing that I’m neurotypical, despite never quite feeling like anyone else or fitting in. I just always thought I was... I don’t know. Quirky, weird. It’s mostly been internalized. I doubt my family would agree, for example, despite any one of them being the first to say that I’m a loner with special interests (they don’t know the half of it - not about tumblr or fanfiction, for example) who has carved out my own little niche of the world in which I can feel most comfortable (academia and travel, amongst other things). “Oh, Lauren’s the smart one who corrects our grammar and doesn’t want a typical life and doesn’t notice when men hit on her and can talk for hours about anything and remembers every detail of her childhood! She was reading novels at 6 years old, isn’t that funny?!”

But recently I’ve come across online content about ASD in adult women and how it looks different than we have long been told (and therefore how it gets overlooked and undiagnosed) and, well. It’s been resonating with me. Hard. I’m not necessarily struggling with life, but I’m also lacking a long-term relationship, a core friend group (it’s hard to fully connect with people or reveal my full personality, though part of that is also because I move a lot), and am finding myself more and more alone. Which is okay for the most part. It is. Honestly, the idea of sharing my apartment and giving up decision-making autonomy and even decorative control stresses me out. I’ve tried to work on myself by expanding my comfort zone - I’ve worked at it my entire life, which is why I traveled - but also... what if I could understand myself better? What if there’s more to it? (I did discover that there might be more but it got long, so... sorry in advance. But if you can relate, I would LOVE it if you did read and could help me!)

I just took the RAADS-R assessment (a bit frustrating, as many of my answers would generally depend on the situation and there was no option for that); I tried my best to be conservative and practical with my selections. I still scored a 104. Scores range from 0-227, and a score of 65 is when ASD is considered (and even likely), though obviously one online test is not enough for a diagnosis. Non-autistic people can score as high as 90, apparently (and autistic people can score as low as 44), so 104 is not conclusive, but it’s made me think.

It’s sort of a relief in a way, but it’s also something I don’t think my family would ever be on board with or understand since I’m the “normal”, stable, level-headed, successful one. Which obviously doesn’t preclude autism (honestly many of these traits have helped me tremendously), but there are so many misconceptions out there. And they love me and mean well, but I know they’d also ask why it matters, since I’m 33 years old and have done fine until now. But they don’t know what it feels like to scratch at your skin and never truly feel like you’ve figured yourself out. Why you’re different and why nothing has ever made sense. Why other people are so infuriating.

My traits? Well, they don’t all fit. Or at least I didn’t think so until I started typing them out.

I am easily overwhelmed by social situations (I can’t stand nightclubs and had an anxiety attack before I first went out in college), but I’ve gotten better. I’ve practiced. Interrupting can be a problem for me because I get excited when people say things that interest me. I don’t find sarcasm or jokes or social cues difficult to understand, but I’ve also... practiced. I’m very, very aware of what I say, how I act, and how others perceive me, though this has become more natural with age. I was always so gullible as a kid that it was a joke in my family. I’m compassionate and empathetic to a fault; I believe the best in people, which has hurt me. Textures and noises don’t particularly bother or overwhelm me, but I did once burst into tears in a Shanghai bar because it was too much. Just... too much. I never once believed in Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy and grilled my parents with very specific questions regarding why I should be expected to (though only when my little sister wasn’t around). Despite this, between the ages of 5-7, I slept at the very edge of my pillow so as so leave plenty of room for my parents to take my tooth in the middle of the night and not accidentally wake me, as I knew it would be embarrassing for them and potentially also wake up my sister.

I once slept in an inflatable raft for an entire summer as a kid because I felt like it was a safe cradle. I used to be such a perfectionist that my parents considered homeschooling me. I got in trouble for reading too quickly because teachers thought it was impossible to complete the assignments at the rate I did. I always completed all the group work at school - not because my group mates took advantage of me (though there was a little of that), but because I couldn’t stand what they turned in to me and wanted to do it myself. Travel was my way of proving to myself that I didn’t need the same daily routine; I learned to create my safe space wherever I was in the world. I didn’t want my worries and anxiety to limit my experiences, so I didn’t let it. Then travel just became a new part of my comfort zone. I would self-soothe and reassure myself it would be okay by imagining my new safe space, which would always involve my computer, my Kindle, an internet connection, and being alone. With those things, I’d be okay.

I used to talk so fast as a kid that my mom joked I should be the person who spoke at the end of radio commercials (when they share all the legal disclaimers at high speed). I’ve practiced that too and gotten better, but I always need to be aware of my rate of speech. I went into teaching to sort of... practice public speaking, eye contact, and increasing my confidence (as well as to try to build that natural cadence). And it’s helped. This has always led me to the assumption that yes, see, I’m neurotypical. Everyone has these thoughts and foibles. When I discovered fanfiction in high school I told everyone about it, mind-blown at how miraculous it was, before I realized that people were looking at me funny and thought I was weird. So I stopped. And then discovered online communities.

Even as a 24 year-old, on a Fulbright orientation in an Indonesian hotel, sitting in a circle on the floor in a group of 30 fellow Fulbrighters about to embark on a year-long placement around the country, I apparently talked too much. I had no idea. I was two-months fresh off a year in China and we were participating in ice breakers, sharing advice and travel stories, and I thought I was being helpful. I felt free - finally I was in a community of fellow travelers, and I guess I let my guard down. My family couldn’t relate to all of my China stories and eventually got bored, and I was still processing my experience. I thought that these fellow travelers cared what I had to say. That it was safe. One of the girls I liked (and we did later become friends when she apologized months later) came up to me after one of these sessions and said “As much as I like your stories, Lauren, don’t you think you talked too much?” I was mortified. I totally shut down. I felt pushed to the side in that group - my only real friends, looking back, were the few other loners, including one girl who openly discussed her ASD. We were in contact for years after that and we naturally understood each other. She asked me to talk *more* about China with genuine interest. Maybe that says something.

Anyway. I’m having a bit of an emotional moment right now. I guess this could all be nothing. Or something. I know maybe I should pursue an official diagnosis, but I don’t know if that’s worth it or not. I trust people here. Has anyone else had a similar experience? Or have you self-diagnosed at any point? Does the truth of that label impact your life, and in what ways? Thank you. And sorry for the very, very long ramble. (And that’s something I’ve become accustomed to doing - apologizing!) And I truly hope I haven’t offended anyone or made it seem as though I’m acting like this is a confirmed diagnosis. That’s not it at all - I am very unsure. I just truly would appreciate some guidance. ❤️

#this seems so personal but i'm not sure what else to do #this has been eating at me for weeks now #asd #autism

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