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deyadee · 1 year

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The Most Terrifying Piece of Horror to Me was Taken Down

I am beyond furious. My favorite and most personally terrifying horror media has been taken down from YouTube and I’m so angry I can’t describe it.

I will not mention the specific story, as it’s pretty lesser-known on the whole of YouTube and other social media sites- and I’ve mentioned it frequently on the account I actually use to comment/interact/post outside of this rant and depression blog, so I will not say the name but it’s a webtoon and my favorite piece of horror media was a quiet reading of it by a small channel that I can’t find anymore.

It was a story of a fat girl who was constantly dieting but never losing weight griping about mukbangs at the beginning. Saying how much she hated watching them but she couldn’t stop watching because they were so addicting to her. But it was infuriating to see these borderline super-model-esque people gorging themselves on these immaculate feasts of greasy, fatty, sugary, oily, indulgent foods while continuing to seem so effortlessly perfect and beautiful. No matter how much they ate they were never insulted for being fat pigs or called disgusting- just an entire comment section of people saying “I wish I could eat that much” or “this makes me so hungry” or “You look so beautiful Lo-fu!” While if the main character were to eat that she’d go back to her previous weight and be seen as a disgusting slob.

I don’t watch mukbang because they make me feel uncomfortable watching someone eat, but I can more than relate to seeing thin and seemingly perfect looking people especially tiny thin girls with every last detail of them seemingly perfectly crafted by the gods to be the peak of cuteness and endearment eat ungodly amounts of food or extremely sweet indulgent things and being so envious that I could just snap their necks and bones like twigs. Not that I necessarily want to hurt them specifically or harm them just because they’re thing, just finally let out years of pent up rage and self-hatred out on the dozens of people that have looked on at me only in pity or disgust. I think I’d rather just break some 2x4s or take one of those crash test dummies and slam it into the wall until it broke. I hate my envy and hatred for innocent people, but it’s just one of those pieces of me that I can never get rid of.

Anyway, it’s just so relatable even from the beginning. Then she goes to work and talks to her friend which she complains about having to keep up with her weight, and while her friend is somewhat passive about it, her shitty boss just has to come along and tear her down calling her fat and telling the “lazy fat bitches” to go back to work. She later goes back to watching the mukbang videos and continues to slump next to her computer, watching this new girl to the mukbang scene put away thousands of calories like it’s nothing. The next day she accidentally bumps into this same girl and begs to know how to get thin and beautiful like her, and surprisingly she agrees to help her. The mukbang girl leads her back to her home and gives her this jerky which makes her thin. Just one strip and you’ll never gain a single pound back.

The next day the girl wakes up and she’s thin and beautiful and for about a week her life is amazing. No one humiliates her, people actually turn their head to look and don’t actively avoid her. She had confidence, she isn’t riddled with envy… until her hair starts to fall out. Which is even more relatable to me because I’m losing so much hair by the day. She gets thinner and thinner and weaker and weaker until she can’t leave bed. Eventually she dies in bed after realizing the mukbang girl was actually eating all that food because she had to otherwise she would die. That’s when the mukbang girl has her body taken away and suspiciously has more jerky which she tries to give to another girl.

It’s so haunting to me because the main girl (as unlikeable as she probably is to anyone who isn’t me) is like a mirror to me. The same burning anger and jealousy. The same thoughts, the same insecurities, the same one-track and shallow mind. All that matters is your appearance. All you can think about is your appearance. Appearance is more valuable than anything else in this world. Just for being attractive you’re assumed to be kind, caring, healthy, intelligent, talented, funny, what’s the point in having a personality if no one recognizes it unless they had to raise you from a baby? Just be pretty and everyone just assumes you’re this way. The same envy that clouds your judgement of everyone in the world. The same constant complaining. The same weight that’ll never change or go away. The same old habits that never die. And with the way the woman just presents a solution that’s so much easier than the years of fighting and clawing and continuously falling to the bottom of the pit of weight loss. Like a monkey’s paw. The thing you’ve wanted for eternities and seemingly never even got close to you could finally be yours. Who cares about the consequences? There’s no better alternative than this. You’ll die alone and miserable anyway, why not?

I know I would eat that jerky without a second thought. I know I wouldn’t care about the consequences. I know how happy I’d be afterwards when I was finally pretty. I’d finally have confidence. I’d finally not hate people for existing. It would be like a rebirth. And for the after effects which lead to death? I want to die anyway, if I’m given the choice of at best living a below mediocre life where I’ll die alone and still in misery when I’m old with nothing that matters- then why not give myself that week of perfection… then shoot myself?

This story is horrifying because it’s all the body horror and gut-wrenching twisted fates of horror, but a scenario that’s perfectly suited for me to be trapped. Like the holes in Enigma of Amigara Faults, this is my hole. This is my personal horror. This is everything that appeals to my struggles and personal woes I can’t believe I didn’t write this myself. It’s easy to see a piece of horror media and say “Well I could’ve survived, I would’ve just ran away!” Or “I wouldn’t have been tempted in the first place, my morals are too strong!” But this is the one situation where just as easily as any other main character in horror, I would be the perfect cog to be put in that machine.

So what makes me so angry then? I can still read the webtoon online and there’s still three other videos up of it besides the one that got taken down right? Well yes, but the thing that makes it more perfect is the reader. A sweet and soft-spoken woman. She described every food so deliciously, the anger and envy and regret so potent in her voice with every grumble, her desperation to be beautiful and thin sounded like a personal problem for her, and the final moment of truly becoming beautiful she described it like she was painting a canvas. A ray of sunshine so bright and cheery you can’t think of anything but joy, but a subtle twinge to her tone that made it clear the main character date was sealed for doom. Sure, I guess she’s not the perfect narrator, or that her mic quality wasn’t absolutely perfect, but her performance made me weep every time I watched this video. Her reading and the visuals and the story just made this the perfect horror for me.

So what do you think the other reading that was out at the time was like? It was being read by some dunce reading it with some idiotic over-the-top reaction to everything. Her boss would insult her and he’d be like “WOAH DUDE THAT’S NOT HOW YOU TREAT A GIRL! NO THAT’S BAD DUDE SHE SHOULD QUIT!” Every line about food had to be some shitty attempt at one of those Tik Tok thirst trap videos. He’d constantly stop reading the story to interject his own experiences that would instantly rip you out of the story the second you even slightly got invested or he’d make some comment like “Oh that good sounds good but I Don’t know about the last one.” He’d have to over-explain what was happening in the manga even though ITS ON THE FUCKING SCREEN or had to stop in the middle of it to explain mukbang or some other shit. I’m not saying he can’t explain what it is for the viewers who don’t know but either do it at the beginning of the story or before you start reading because he had this long ass unnecessary intro he could’ve simply put the explanation into. Not to mention his fucking face took up half of the screen and he looks very similar to one of the most famous mukbang creators (one of the ones that are extremely attractive of course). So it just makes my blood boil even further.

There are two others that I’ve seen but considering they have like 10 views and one of them started off with Joker-style laughing and the other had the most bored sounding and looking woman ever taking up most of the screen with the manga in the corner, I won’t be watching them anytime soon. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad more people are doing readings of it, but it hurts so much to see one of the best videos on YouTube is now gone forever.

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buckyseddie · 2 years

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speechless

pairings — jj maybank x fem!shy!kook!reader

summary — in which, there’s five times where she proves jj wrong and only one that he proves her wrong.

word count — 7.5k.

warnings — angst, jj kinda being an ass, reader being SUPER close to the pogues (like family type stuff), mentions of anxiety and panic attacks, big mentions of abuse and abusive parents and alcoholism, exbf!rafe, slut-shaming, fluff, use of pet-names [princess], small mentions of the reader being a book worm, mentions of reader having anxiety.

notes — i NEVER thought i’d end up back at my jj obsession / phase, yet here i am??? anyways, i’ve always loved the whole jj x kook!reader fics that i read (mostly, because it reminds me of and gives me a, sort of, enemies to lovers vibe, WHICH i’m a HUGE sucker for???) this is a bit inspired by some family issues going on at home and i just know jj is the ultimate character to relate to that. this is really just a way for me to cope. also, no hate to rafe (sorry for adding him in as the abusive and toxic ex). i know he’s done a lot of shitty things on the show, but i genuinely love him and believe that he deserves to redeem himself. i hope that the writers think about giving him a redemption arc at some point in the show. anyways, i’m writing this on my phone because i’m not able to write on tumblr on my laptop at the moment, so sorry if you see ANY terrible grammatical errors. i hope this makes up for the WEEKS of lack of posting new fics (or really ANYTHING). i’ve been helping my family to prepare our new house and pack before we move in and we don’t have wifi there yet (and the service is kinda crappy). so, that’s one of the main reasons for me writing this out on my phone. SO, without further ado, i hope this fic is enjoyable. also, hopefully, i’ll be able to have more motivation to write more obx x reader fics because i really love both rafe and jj and i have so many ideas for writing for them!! maybe for kiara and sarah too? i’m not entirely sure though. gif and divider creds to owner!

p.s., feedback is very much encouraged and appreciated <3.

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THE ONE THING SHE COULD say about jj maybank is that he always never fails to surprise her — he could say the same about her.

to a lot of people, of which mostly consists of the kooks — the more wealthiest and supremacist-types — jj maybank is just a reckless piece of trash that can’t resist a fight. whether, it’s physical or verbal.

but, [y/n]? not one single bone in her body feels that way about him, nor thinks of him like that — she didn’t even think of him like that when they barely knew each other.

now, it’s true that she only knew of him — the same for him.

and he was never truly nice to her — it was mostly because of which side of outer banks and family she comes from.

but, that doesn’t mean that [y/n] let the way he treated her, make her give up on needing to prove herself to him.

to her, she has always seen him as a fairly attractive boy that cares deeply for his friends, loves to surf, and doesn’t trust very easily — that’s why he holds so many kooks responsible for the way only a few particular snotty and bratty-like kooks had treated him and his friends in the past.

now, being on separate sides of the community and town — one being a kook, and the other being a pogue — it was very easy for jj to judge her, despite her never joining in on the disgusting traditions that most of the kooks commit towards the pogues.

in fact, she’s always hated it — she has never understood why both groups can’t just accept each other and put their differences aside.

but, to be fair, she’s always been an empath, always wanting to help everyone.

so, having to deal with the whole ‘pogues versus kooks’ tensions has always been very overwhelming for her because she can’t fix it.

too bad jj didn’t know this before he decided that she was just like the rest of them.

but, [y/n] was desperate to prove herself to him.

especially, after hearing a few of his conversations with her best friends about her.

there’d been a few times where the pogues would be hanging out with sarah and kiara — [y/n] had been there long before them — and she’d hear how insulting and cruel jj would be towards her.

as much as she didn’t want to admit it, she hated the fact that someone who didn’t even fully know her was judging her based on her social status.

that’s why she set out to prove him wrong, there being a total of five different times that [y/n] left the maybank boy utterly speechless over her being completely different than he’d first initially thought.

the first time:

“look, [y/n/n]. it’s not that bad of a situation as you may think.” kiara begins to say, but then snaps her mouth shut, upon noticing the deadly glare that her friend directs at her.

“‘not that bad’? kie, do you even hear yourself right now? maybe it doesn’t seem bad for you. but, for me? god, he already hates my guts! how can this not be bad?” [y/n] groans as she paces around her bedroom, opting to freak out, instead of trying to be calm and collected and level-headed — like how she is most of the time.

i guess, there’s a first time for everything.

“hey.” sarah begins to say in a gentle tone, suddenly in front of her best friend and placing her hands on [y/n]’s shoulders, bringing her to stop her pacing and comforting her immensely — she’s always had that kind of comforting affect on her.

“everything’s going to be fine. we convinced jj to give you a chance, alright? and besides… we’re going to be right there with you, okay?” she murmurs once more, hoping to calm down the stressed-out and wide-eyed girl stood in front of her.

[y/n]’s terrified eyes move from sarah’s kind and gentle ones, to kiara’s wise ones.

as her eyes catch her friend’s, it’s as if she’s asking for confirmation.

kiara nods.

sighing in defeat, she nods, before setting down her book on her messy bed as she allows the two girls to drag her out of her bedroom and down the stairs to her living room.

breath hitching in her throat, [y/n] comes face-to-face with the rest of the extremely intimidating pogues.

her nervous eyes catch her best friends’ encouraging ones, instantly feeling out of place.

they both nod, motioning for her to introduce herself.

but, instead, she rushes to turn and run back up the stairs to the safety of her book and her bedroom.

although, her friends are already expecting this and block her way to make it up the stairs.

kiara shakes her head at [y/n] and sarah sighs, before leading her to the couch, near where john b, pope, and jj are sat.

“guys, this is [y/n].” sarah happily introduces her, expecting her friend to make some sort of greeting.

she doesn’t.

after several seconds of [y/n] staring at her fidgeting hands — throughout the awkward silence — she groans.

“you should’ve just left me in my room with my books.” she grumbles.

[y/n]’s response shocked jj — most kooks jump at the opportunity to talk about themselves.

but, [y/n]? she couldn’t feel more sick to her stomach and uncomfortable to be under the spotlight and attention of her best friends’ group of friends.

that day was the most uncomfortable she’d ever felt in her entire life.

even with all of the events she’s forced to go to — this doesn’t really help her very well with her anxiety — the feeling of not being welcomed by the pogues was still one of the worst experiences she’d ever endured.

sure, john b and pope were as welcome as ever — with them being completely in love with sarah and kiara, they trusted them immediately when they insisted, so many times, that even though their best friend happened to be a kook, [y/n] was nothing like rafe, or any of the other cocky kooks that the pogues had to deal with daily.

but, jj, however, was quiet, discreetly observing the nervous girl.

after that day was over, [y/n] went back up to her room, trying to hold back the humiliated tears that tried to desperately escape.

she barely ever left her room after that, too embarrassed of her shy behavior.

she wished that she could just be confident for once. but, the complicated life she lived, made it harder for her.

but, when [y/n] did leave her house again — it was about almost an entire month later — it was to go to the beach and to relax.

little did she know that she’d run into the pogues, including jj.

the second time:

[y/n] was reading her book, feet resting comfortably in between the sand and the water.

she had finally gotten some peace away from the hectic atmosphere of the place she was supposed to call home.

hearing a bunch of hollers, followed by footsteps, she looks up.

there the pogues stand, excited looks on their faces. all except jj, who simply wears a curious expression.

“h—hey, you guys!” [y/n] says, managing to keep the stutters to a minimum.

“hey, [y/n]. reading your book?” pope asks, nodding to the hard copy in her hand.

she nods, grateful to herself for not screwing up yet.

after a few moments of awkward silence, pope clears his throat as he scratches at the back of his head in pure awkwardness.

“well, it was nice talking to you.” he says, before motioning to his girlfriend to follow after him.

“we’re, uh, gonna go out to the water.” he says as quickly as possible, pulling kiara with him, who waves at her friend with a smile, before excitedly racing him into the water.

john b rolls his eyes at his friend’s weirdness.

“yeah, sorry about him. he’s really bad at handling awkward conversations.” he states, letting out his own awkwardness through a small chuckle.

[y/n] nods nervously, before speaking up herself. “he and i have that in common.” her lips twist and press in together to form her famously-known awkward smile.

suddenly, jj speaks up. “hey, kook princess.”

she snaps her head up to look at him, half shocked that he’s even talking directly to her, and the other half hurt that he only sees her as a kook. isn’t she more than just some social status?

“oh… um, hi.” she mumbles, trying to ignore the unshed tears that are now clouding her [y/e/c] eyes.

noticing the hurt look on her best friend’s face, sarah glares at jj, almost as if asking him, “what the hell is your problem?”

jj falters, mentally cursing himself for his words coming out so wrong. idiot, idiot, idiot. the girls just told you that she’s not like the rest of those assholes and only trying to prove herself to you! and what do you do? you call her the one thing she hates being called the most. dumbass.

as more negative thoughts begin to cross his mind, jj bites down onto his bottom lip, trying hard not to be his usual rude self.

now, of course, there’s nothing wrong with him being himself.

except, for the fact that [y/n] is a very sensitive girl.

if he says anything else — similar to the nickname he’d just called her, or any of the other bad things he said about her, without even knowing her — it could ruin any chances of actually getting to know the girl.

john b notices the growing tension growing between both jj and [y/n] and decides that this is the time to pull his girlfriend away from all the awkwardness.

sarah hesitates.

“[y/n/n], are you going to be okay over here?” she asks gently, ignoring the maybank boy as he moves to sit down beside her best friend — she’s obviously annoyed at him for being so insulting towards [y/n], whether it was intentional or not.

sensing the annoyance of his best friend’s girlfriend being directed at him, jj looks down at the sand and starts to trace his fingers around it absentmindedly.

[y/n] sighs and looks up at her friend.

“yep. all good.” she states as she flashes a fake smile towards her worried friend.

sarah wears an unconvinced expression, brows knitting together in further concern for her best friend.

“i promise.” [y/n] states once more, in order to convince her best friend, as she waves her book around in the air as proof.

“see? i’ve got this entire book to myself. now, go have fun with your boyfriend and pope and kie, alright?”

reluctantly, sarah nods and allows john b to tug her to enter the water.

it’s quiet for the next few moments — aside from the excited yells of the rest of the pogues — as [y/n] opens up her book once more.

just when she begins to start reading again, jj nervously clears his throat as he glances over at her.

[y/n] stops reading, waiting for him to say what he needs to, but keeps her eyes trained on her book as she closes it once again.

“i—i’m sorry.” he murmurs quietly, swallowing his pride as she whips her head up in his direction.

“w—what?” she croaks out, due to becoming so emotional over the nickname he’d recently just called her seconds ago.

realizing how dry her throat is, [y/n] shakes her head and clears her throat.

“what do you mean?” she asks again, voice more clear.

“for the way i treated you before knowing you — for insulting you. and for just now calling you ‘kook princess’. i don’t know why i said it, but i genuinely didn’t mean for it to hurt you.” he admits, shrugging as she lets out a breath of shock.

“wow.” she breathes, causing him to quirk a raised brow at her.

“what?” he questions, face going from his once nervous one, to his all-too-familiar cocky one.

“pogue caught your tongue?” he teases, before throwing a wink at her, attempting to lighten the mood with his cheesy pun.

she laughs — real and cute, rather than the fake one she always uses around people she doesn’t trust — and jj finds himself liking the sound.

“no. i just… from the way the girls talked about you — when they were trying to convince me to give you a chance — i’d assumed you were a flirty guy who held his pride against everything else. it’s just refreshing to know you’re not like every other guy around here.” she explains, wearing a thoughtful smile.

jj chuckles, shaking his head.

he doesn’t say anything as a light seems to go off in [y/n]’s head.

“also, don’t worry about hurting me. i’ve been hurt plenty in my life, and i don’t expect for that stop now — i’m used to it.” she murmurs, trying keep her ‘i’m fine’ mask on her face, in order to hide the face of a broken girl with a not-so-perfect-life — she just got him to be, at least, civil with her.

she wasn’t going to do anything that would ruin that.

jj’s eyes widen in shock, again being left speechless by the mysterious girl as she shrugs and goes back to her book.

to say [y/n] left him more curious about her than before, would be an understatement.

before they’d officially met, he knew of her family and was almost absolutely sure that she had this picture perfect life as a kook.

but, hearing those words fall from her lips and upon noticing the far-away look on her face, he couldn’t help but wonder if there was something else going on in her life — something not-so-great.

if only he knew how bad her life really was.

and sure enough, there was other things going on — things that would surprise him more than the last.

a few weeks later, when she’d been invited by the pogues to hang out with them in town, [y/n] proves jj wrong about having a great life as a kook.

but, sadly, it wasn’t a happy moment of being left surprised — it was more of a terrifying moment for the both of them.

the third time:

“what the hell is this, [y/n]?!” an angry voice exclaims — one belonging only to her ex-boyfriend — as he races over to her and her newfound friends.

she freezes, wincing, as a chill goes through her body over hearing that all-too-familiar voice.

turning to sarah, she utters her words in only a hoarse whisper. “h—he’s right b—behind me, isn’t he?”

[y/n] watches as her friend nervously nods.

ignoring the curious and confused looks of the boys, a trembling sigh leaves her lips as sarah watches her brother, hoping to god he won’t do anything in public.

“oh, god.” [y/n] mumbles shakily, clenching her eyes shut in fear.

kiara steps forward, knowing the terrified look on her friend’s face all-too-well.

“you don’t have to talk to him, y’know? we can go somewhere else.” she murmurs gently, not wanting her friend to go through this alone.

[y/n] opens her eyes and shakes her head, keeping the unshed tears at bay.

“kie, don’t you get it? i can’t. he’ll never leave me alone. i have to.” she whispers, more to herself than to her friend.

kiara nods, sighing.

pope and john b turn to each other, wearing the same confused look, having also noticed how scared the girl is.

jj simply watches [y/n], an unexpected wave of worry and concern over her filling him.

with another trembling sigh leaving her lips, she slowly turns around to face rafe, plastering on a calm, but fake, smile onto her lips.

“hi. h—how are you?” she asks, barely able to get the words out as she walks over to him.

“‘how am i’? oh, man. i wonder how i am, when i see my girlfriend slutting it up with trash and my sister?” he exclaims, directing glares towards the pogues.

[y/n]’s lips form into a frown, brows furrowing.

“rafe, there’s no need to be rude. just because they don’t come from figure eight, doesn’t mean they’re trash.” she shakily says, trying not to talk too much to the point of enraging him.

“and secondly, i think you’re forgetting that we’re not together anymore.” she mumbles uncomfortably, glancing away from him to notice the crowd of people that have started to watch the exchange between the ex-couple.

rafe’s eyes — ones that she used to absolutely adore — light up in irritation.

“how dare you talk to me like that?” he spits out, instantly grabbing onto her wrist — a little too harshly, might i add — causing a shocked, but scared, gasp to leave her lips as she looks up at him again through fear.

despite not knowing her that well, jj steps forward, jaw clenching as he notices the familiarly terrified look on [y/n]’s face — he knows abuse when he sees it.

sarah notices too, stepping forward. “rafe, let go of her! you’re hurting her!” she exclaims, glaring at him.

rafe ignores her.

instead, he yanks [y/n]’s arm and pulls her into an alley, away from the pogues, assuming they’ll mind their own business.

he slams her against the wall, only becoming more frustrated by every second as she whimpers in absolute terror.

as his breaths become more shallow, trying to calm himself down, the pogues arrive at the end of the alley, watching the situation unfold before their eyes in shock.

“rafe—” [y/n] begins to say, only for him to lose it and abruptly back-hand her in a harsh slap.

a sharp cry leaves her lips as she shakily lifts her hand up to cup her now red and marked cheek.

“did i fucking say you could speak?” rafe seethes angrily as the pogues gasp in shock — all of them, except for jj, who begins to start walking forward in clear frustration and beginning to feel a strong protective instinct for [y/n].

rafe looks up, noticing jj walking forward and the rest of the pogues following behind him.

not feeling like dealing with them, he turns back to his ex-girlfriend and spits in her face, “stay the fuck away from them.”

then, he lets go of her and walks off before jj can quite reach him.

the girls rush over to their friend as [y/n] falls to the ground in a state of both shock and pain.

“[y/n]! are you okay?” kiara cries out, tears falling to her cheeks as she and sarah try to lift [y/n] up.

as jj catches [y/n]’s eyes, worry takes over him as he notices her expression.

“i—i’m fine. i’m fine.” she says, looking like she’s lost in her own thoughts.

there’s a look in her eyes, one that makes all of the pogues share the same concerned expressions.

that day was a huge wake-up call for [y/n].

now that her friends had witnessed that entire situation between rafe and herself — it was sadly a normal occurrence — she had a lot of explaining to do.

the pogues had brought her back to the chateau.

they also let her shower and calm down a bit, before they actually sat her down and asked her about what had happened with her ex-boyfriend.

but, when she explained it, that what happened in the alley wasn’t the first time, that’s when they all put the pieces together — rafe was abusing her throughout most of their relationship.

sarah and kiara were nonetheless shocked, since they’re [y/n]’s best friends and hadn’t known that information — all they knew was that rafe was emotionally abusive towards her, not physically abusive.

they’d gotten up and hugged [y/n] so tightly she almost couldn’t breathe, both crying about how sorry they were.

although, sarah was sorry more than anyone else, feeling so guilty that her brother would do those terrible things to her best friend.

john b and pope didn’t ask her to talk about her experiences, but made sure she knew that they’d always be there for her.

and jj? well, let’s just say they became a lot more closer than before.

but, the next time she leaves him shocked, it’s more of a pained shock than anything else.

the fourth time:

her current conversation with kiara is abruptly interrupted when [y/n]’s eyes catch something across the area of john b’s place that absolutely breaks her heart.

her heart stops as she gapes at the scene before her, kiara’s statement going completely over her head as she freezes and her phone slips right through her now shaky hands.

the carrera girl herself stops her statement when she jumps in surprise at the sound of [y/n]’s phone hitting the ground.

“[y/n/n]? honey, what’s going on?” she questions, waiting for her friend to answer her.

but, she doesn’t.

[y/n]’s [y/e/c] eyes fill up with blinding tears as she continues to watch jj and his random hookup dance in the middle of the boneyard.

kiara decides to watch what her friend is clearly watching in pain.

both [y/n] and kiara watch as the touron practically shoves her tongue down the maybank boy’s throat.

after noticing the devastation and heartache in her friend’s tearful gaze, kiara places a gentle hand on [y/n]’s shoulder.

she gives her an understanding nod, when [y/n] jumps in shock, snapping out of her daze, and turning to her.

kiara drops down to the ground to hand her friend her dropped phone.

once [y/n] has her cell phone in her hands, she shoves it into her back pocket and sighs shakily.

looking back over at kiara, [y/n] nods back to her, motioning for her to lead her to the beer keg as a distraction from the fact that the boy she’s grown to love is flirting with someone other than her.

but, letting [y/n] use alcohol as a distraction probably wasn’t the best idea.

especially, because of her family’s history of alcoholism — although, this is something [y/n] had kept a secret from the pogues, including, sarah and kiara.

so, how could kiara have known that her best friend’s family are mostly alcoholics?

or that things at home haven’t been all-perfect for [y/n] — like everyone had assumed.

how could she have known that the reason [y/n] always rejected the idea of drinking, or ever going near alcohol, was because she didn’t want to become the one thing she hates the most?

and how could she know that because of the fact that she saw jj with some other girl, it had been the final and last straw that made [y/n] give up on fighting her alcoholic gene and just let herself mix her emotions with alcohol?

how could anyone know any of those things, when [y/n] rarely ever opens up about her personal life and hates being vulnerable?

but, it didn’t matter that she was on the verge of becoming like her parents.

it didn’t matter, because — soon enough — the truth was going to spill out. one way or another.

it all started when [y/n] had become completely drunk off of her ass and ended up dancing with some touron.

kiara had gone to sit with pope, around the fire, not realizing of the tension that was slowly growing between her two best friends.

and [y/n] was only getting more and more intoxicated by every second.

by this point, jj has already taken notice of this.

it’s almost like a bomb is ticking it’s countdown over the next few minutes as jj and [y/n] stare heatedly at each other; she continues to dance drunkenly with the stranger behind her and jj continues to stare at her with an unreadable expression as the girl beside him tries to desperately grab his attention.

it’s almost as if time has frozen — like everyone else falls away — and it’s just them, staring at each other with equally longing and jealous expressions.

and then, [y/n] annoyedly turns away from him and walks back over to the keg, the stranger following behind her like a lost puppy.

as she fills up her cup once more and goes to down more of the alcohol, she pretends to not care about the fact that jj walks over to them with the girl — the one that he’d been flirting with before — trailing behind with a bored and annoyed look.

“are you done?” he questions in a strained voice, his expression clearly showing how jealous he is. or mad.

but, at this point, [y/n] is too drunk to notice.

an annoyed look crosses her face as she takes one big gulp, before slamming the cup into the guy’s hands from behind her, the drink slightly sloshing around in its cup and hitting the top of his shirt.

then, she turns back to jj, brows arched in that way that always says she’s thinking, “really?”

“excuse me? jj, do you have a problem with me having a good time?” she questions in a surely displeased tone as she cocks her head to the the side as she glares at him, almost challenging him to piss her off — this is a very rare moment for her, considering she’s never this confident.

at this point, the only reason she’s being so confident and open like this, is because of the fact that she’s not even sober at the moment.

his jaw clenches, obviously trying to keep his cool as he speaks next through gritted teeth, “i don’t think you should be drinking so much. especially, when you’re so wasted that you’re not even aware of your own actions.” his voice is so deep and rough that if she weren’t so intoxicated, she’d actually pay attention to the way her heart stops and how her stomach drops at the tone of his voice.

if she weren’t acting out over being jealous, she may even admit how turned on his tone of voice makes her. but, she doesn’t.

instead, she just watches as he nods to the guy behind her, who’s shamelessly and not-so-discreetly checking her out.

as [y/n] turns back to jj, a cocky smirk makes its way to her lips.

“oh my god. you’re—you’re jealous… aren’t you?” she exclaims, bursting into fits of her own drunk version of her normal laughs.

jj’s eyes harden and his jaw clenches even harder than before.

he doesn’t answer, the truth already speaking in volumes.

and before [y/n] can say anything else to tease him, his latest hookup decides to speak up in an annoyed voice. “you have a lot of nerve — treating him like this.”

[y/n]’s eyes narrow into a glare as her eyes catch the one’s behind her best friend.

“how about you keep your damn mouth shut, bitch? it’s not my fault that jj can’t just let me have fun for once.” she spits out annoyedly, wondering why this desperate girl was trying to talk to her.

she scoffs.

“are you kidding me? you’ve been teasing him all fucking night. can’t you just let him be happy for once?” the girl exclaims, an angry look on her face as jj rolls his eyes at the cat fight he’s now stuck in the middle of.

[y/n] herself rolls her eyes, before turning back to the touron behind her to grab her drink.

then, she mutters, “whatever,” and stalks past them, hitting her shoulder against the girl’s shoulder.

what’s unexpected though, is the way the girl becomes so pissed off at [y/n]’s behavior that she pushes her at the wrong time.

as one of her heeled feet is about to hit the ground, her other foot twists in an unnatural way and it causes her to fall in the wrong way and hit her head.

that night — after jj rushed her to the hospital to get her head and ankle checked out — was a game changer for the two of them.

not only did [y/n] remember the way she had acted — and hated herself for it so much that she refused to touch alcohol ever again — but she and jj had grown closer than ever, their feelings almost becoming more well-known.

it had become incredibly obvious that they were both jealous that night at the party.

but still, only to everyone, except for them.

and the very last time that she left jj speechless? it was the worst moment yet.

because things at home were only worse for [y/n] than jj — or the rest of the pogues — had anticipated.

and jj sure as hell wasn’t expecting them to have so many things in common.

the fifth time:

sniffling, she wipes away the tears that keep falling — despite her trying to will them to stay at bay — as the breathless sobs leave her body.

[y/n] walks up the steps to her bedroom — her only safe space — as she tries to ignore the aching and agonizing pain throughout all over her body.

her parents had been their normal drunk selves, barely holding on because of how completely intoxicated they were.

and [y/n] had cautiously limped inside the living room and her nervous eyes and scared expression was all it took for them to start their violent hits that always left her feeling broken and traumatized.

and here she is, crying her eyes out in pain and on the verge of a panic attack as she enters her room and slides down the door shakily, once she quietly shuts it.

although, what she isn’t expecting, is to find jj sitting on her bed at that single moment, confused, to say the least.

he obviously snook in through her bedroom window to check on her — like he’d been doing for the past week, ever since her accident at the party.

“princess? what—what happened?” he questions, ignoring her shocked expression and moving to kneel down in front of her, cautiously touching her face to assess the dark marks on her face.

sniffling, she cries once more.

“j…” she trails off in a broken voice, not sure of how to explain the situation.

he furrows his brows confusedly for a few seconds.

and then, it’s as if he finally puts all the pieces together. “d—did your parents do this?” he questions, tone full of both of worry and heartache for her.

too embarrassed of the entire situation, she just nods, tears spilling down to her cheeks.

noticing them, jj gently wipes them away, as if they were never there.

but, as she begins to cry more by every second, his heart breaks in half — he never wanted her to ever experience the things that he does.

and he nearly can’t breathe at the sight of her so broken and hurt.

—————

“YOU ALRIGHT?” JOHN B QUESTIONS gently towards the now quiet girl, who’s sitting on his couch, knees tensely pressed to her chest as she stares off into space.

after finding out about her abuse, jj brought [y/n] over to the chateau.

but, little did either of them know that he was going to leave her so speechless by the end of the day — more speechless than even she had left him.

[y/n] doesn’t answer her friend.

she doesn’t hear him — his voice sounds so far away that she doesn’t even bother paying attention to it.

and even as some of the others try to get her attention, she still doesn’t answer.

she’s too far stuck in her thoughts.

all she can think about is why and how things have gotten so bad for her.

she also wonders where jj is.

because — at the end of the day — he’s the only one that can calm her down and make her feel safe.

and he’s nowhere to be seen.

sighing in defeat, john b nods for the rest of his friends to meet him in the kitchen and away from their friend in order to give her the space she needs.

“do you know what’s going on?” sarah asks worriedly, concern for her friend seeping through her tone of voice.

he shakes his head regretfully.

“all i know is that jj brought her here earlier. she’s been out most of the time, before you guys got here. but, i have a feeling that whatever’s going on, it has to do with the new marks on her face.” he states, becoming worried himself.

as much as kiara, sarah, and jj had grown incredibly close to the girl, [y/n] had also grown to look up to john b — pope, too — as a big brother.

and john b sees her as a little sister he needs to protect.

so, seeing her in this numb state of shock and obvious pain breaks his heart.

at the mention of [y/n]’s newly-added bruises, the group glances back at her, easily noticing the panicking expression on her face and the uneven breaths leaving her.

kiara — she notices this is the same behavior [y/n] had after they found out about rafe — inhales sharply, before turning back to john b.

“do you think rafe got to her? you know he hasn’t been very nice about her being friends with us.” she asks him, anxiously gnawing on her bottom lip.

the door of the chateau suddenly opens and jj walks inside, causing everyone to stop their hushed whispering.

the pogues don’t say anything as they watch jj walk over to [y/n], who’s breathing has become much more heavier and shallower.

she doesn’t notice him at first, her eyesight completely blurry as she worries about the panic attack that she’s almost about on the verge of.

she hears him call out her name.

but, when she feels his hand placing itself onto her one of her ankles — trying to bring her any comfort that he can — she snaps out of her thoughts.

[y/n] looks down at him, her vision clearing, once she blinks away the blurriness a few times.

her tears roll down her cheeks, still struggling to breathe a bit, but seeing jj calms her down instantly.

“j?” she questions shakily, voice hoarse as she reaches out to touch his hand, as if he wasn’t really there in front of her and would disappear once she touched him.

realizing this, his eyes soften and he places his other hand over hers, squeezing it to reassure her that everything is going to be fine.

“yeah, i’m here.” he murmurs softly, a gentle smile placed on his lips.

john b — along with pope and sarah — watch the exchange between both jj and [y/n] in shock, considering they’ve never seen their friend so worried and affectionate towards another girl.

but, [y/n]’s different.

kiara, however, watches with a prideful expression, after having seen her two friends act this way with each other so many times since they met.

there was just something about their connection.

[y/n] smiles appreciatively down at him, eyes twinkling with adoration for the boy knelt in front of her.

jj’s breath almost gets caught in his throat at the way she looks at him — the way that he’s been longing for, for months now.

although, before he can say anything, john b clears his throat.

jj whips his head up to confusedly look at his friend, who simply nods for him to follow him and their friends into the kitchen.

hesitant on leaving [y/n], jj turns back to face her.

“go ahead. i’ll be outside.” she softly murmurs, moving to stand up.

as jj nods, she walks out the door and into the warm weather, hoping the sun will help her feel better.

as the maybank boy walks into the kitchen, meeting his friends with a confused expression, he waits for them to ask the question he knows they’re all desperate to ask.

“jj, what happened? did rafe do… th—that to her?” sarah questions, hoping that her brother has given up on harassing and abusing her friend.

after hearing the name of [y/n]’s ex-boyfriend, jj can’t help it as his jaw ticks.

“no, sarah. rafe didn’t do this. it was her parents. she said that they’re alcoholics and that’s why she doesn’t drink because she doesn’t want to turn into them. and apparently, this hasn’t been the first time that they’ve… hurt her.” he states in a strained voice, barely able to think about all the terrible things she’s been put through for the past months.

the rest of the pogues gape at him, surely appalled at the information about their friend.

however, sarah and kiara are the most shocked of all of them.

sure, the boys — except for jj, of course — of the group care very much about [y/n] like a sister.

but, the girls, are her best friends.

and just like finding out about rafe’s abusive behavior towards [y/n], this is yet another secret that they hadn’t known about.

so, of course, it’s going to hurt them to realize the whole truth of their assumed-happy friend.

and to realize that [y/n] was only faking her happiness and pretending her life was at least good, hurts them to even think about.

“so, she’s been suffering and feeling completely miserable this entire time… and none of us noticed?” sarah questions, tears starting to become visible.

noticing the upset behavior of his girlfriend, john b, also in shock, moves to put an arm around her shoulder and pulls her into his embrace, allowing her to feel some sort of comfort over this new information.

“w—well, why didn’t she tell us?” kiara questions, both emotional and irritated, clearly showing how upset she is that her friend hasn’t told her about something so big in her life that’s been causing her unhappiness and god knows what else.

ignoring the irritated tone of his close friend, jj sighs.

“she probably felt embarrassed and didn’t want to burden us. i mean, you guys all know how i was acting, when i was first going through the same thing with my dad — it’s not something you want to admit, or talk about.” as jj finishes defending [y/n]’s actions — despite, feeling sad himself that she didn’t tell him sooner — pope nods in agreement.

“guys… you know that he’s right. we all know that [y/n] hates being vulnerable and opening up. in fact, we know the most that she thinks that she has to be happy, all the time, and pretend to be fine because she doesn’t want us to see her pain,” pope says, pausing as kiara sighs but nods, and john b and sarah silently agree with their friend. “it’s not her fault that she feels that way. habits are hard to break. so, all we can do now, is support her and be there for her and help her in any way we can. because she’s more than just a friend to us — she’s family. and what do we do for family?” he questions seriously, feeling protective over his friend and understanding why she hid this secret from them and yet, still remaining on her side.

kiara frowns, already knowing the answer before she utters it, feeling guilty for being so upset with her friend — she knows she’d understand [y/n]’s decision more than anyone else. “we protect and take care of family.”

as kiara says what they’re all thinking, john b sighs. “and that’s what we’re going to do.” he states, starting to walk towards the door, but jj stops him.

“wait.” jj says, grabbing onto his friend’s shoulder.

john b turns to him, confusion written on his features.

“what? we need to show her that she can talk to us and that we’re not going abandon her.” he continues to say, not understanding his friend’s actions.

“i know. but, she’s clearly overwhelmed by everything. if we all go over there and try to talk about what happened, she’ll feel smothered and uncomfortable. even though you have good intentions, we need to give her the space she needs.” jj explains, raising a brow at john b.

john b sighs in defeat, nodding.

as he begins to walk back to his girlfriend, he stops as he realizes something.

“you know what?” he asks out loud as he turns back to his best friend.

jj raises his eyebrows in question, waiting for him to continue on.

“i think you’re right that we shouldn’t talk to her. however, you should.” john b continues, a small smirk on his lips, looking as if he knows something that jj doesn’t.

jj’s brows furrow in confusion.

“what? what are you talking about, dude?” he questions, looking past his friend to see if the others know what he’s talking about.

but, whether they do or not, they don’t show it.

“everyone here knows you’re in love with her. it’s obvious. and guess what? she so-happens to be in love with you too. so, you’re the only person that she’d possibly actually accept to let in or to talk to.” john b states as if the truth is so obvious.

and you know what? he’s right.

but the thing is, jj doesn’t want to admit that he’s right.

in fact, he’s in denial.

“wha—dude, no. i don’t know what you’re talking about. i only see her as a sister, alright?!” jj exclaims through only denial and irritation, lying through his teeth and throwing his hands up in the air incredulously.

the truth is, he’s scared of his feelings and what it could do to his friendship with [y/n].

i mean, ever since she came into his life, she changed him.

and she saw something in him that he never saw in himself and it terrifies him.

john b gives him a pointed look. “yeah, you do, jj.” he murmurs, noticing the scared look in his eyes.

jj stammers, “n—no. i can’t.” he digs his fingers into his messy blonde hair, stressed out of his mind.

“you do. and it scares you. i know it does, because i can see the look on your face. but, so is she — it’s why she hasn’t said anything to you. but, it doesn’t matter how scared you guys are. because she needs you more than anything right now. and deep down, you know it too, jj.” kiara says this time, stepping towards him.

jj sputters nervously, not understanding how he can actually deny his feelings to the point of his friends actually believing it.

“i know you’re scared. it’s understandable. but, don’t you know that that’s what falling for someone is? love always requires sacrifice. in this case, it’s yours and [y/n]’s fear of getting hurt and of ruining your friendship. but, you have to do it.” kiara says once more, placing a comforting hand on the maybank boy’s shaking arm.

jj shakily nods, taking in a deep breath.

after seeing their friend’s acceptance, sarah and pope step forward with supportive smiles.

“go get the girl, buddy.” pope encouragingly states and jj nods.

then, he’s rushing outside, only to find [y/n] at the shore of the beach, her feet dipping into the cool water.

“hey, princess.” he calls out, quickly getting her attention.

she smiles and waves as he walks over.

“hey, j. is everything okay with our friends?” she questions worriedly.

he sighs and nods, heart fluttering at the worry she has for him.

“y—yeah. everything’s fine. don’t worry about it, okay?” he murmurs, moving to sit down beside her.

she nods, deciding to move closer to him and lean her head on his shoulder.

but, as she begins to remember the terrible things she’s been through — for so long — tears resurface.

“when did everything get so bad?” she questions in a trembling tone of voice.

hearing the pain in her voice, jj turns to her and presses a kiss to her temple.

“i know you’ve been through a lot. but, if anyone can get through it, it’s you.” he murmurs, wrapping an arm around her shoulder.

“god… what did i do to deserve a friend like you?” she questions, tears escaping to her cheeks as his heart stops at the word ‘friend’.

“speaking of being friends, i—i need to tell you something, [y/n].” he murmurs nervously, causing her to turn to him confusedly.

“the thing is… i—i’m in love with you. i’ve been for awhile. i just didn’t admit it because i was scared of rejection and of ruining our friendship. the truth is, i knew there was something special about you. sure, i was cautious of you and i didn’t trust you right away. but, there was something about you that i just couldn’t shake. and ever since we met, i’ve found myself falling deeper in love with you every single day. i’ve never felt this way about anyone. and if you’ll have me, i want to see where this goes and i wanna try it out.” he says, after a few seconds of growing some confidence and courage.

[y/n] gapes in shock, not sure that any of this is real.

but, when she doesn’t answer, he assumes the worst.

sighing, he mumbles, “i’m sorry. forget i brought any of this up.”

but, before he can fully stand up, she shakily and nervously grabs onto his forearm and tries to ignore the anxiety rumbling deep within her as she pulls him towards her.

then, she kisses him.

a sound of shock leaves his mouth, but when he realizes what’s happening, he kisses her back with so much love for her that they both find themselves pulling away for much needed air.

“w—wow.” [y/n] murmurs, a huge grin placed on her lips.

he smirks, no longer nervous at all.

“i take it that means you feel the same?” he questions with waggling eyebrows.

“well, yeah. i don’t kiss my friends like that.” she sarcastically states, raising her eyebrows up at him.

“i sure as hell fucking hope not.” he grumbles, before pulling her in for another kiss, pulling her onto his lap, so that she’s straddling him.

she giggles in between kisses, feeling the happiest she’s ever felt before.

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wearethekat · 2 years

Text

Finally, here’s the much-belated writeup of my post-cover reveal “Who is Nona??” poll, as requested by @ace-and-ranty. (sorry I was extremely busy).

Whose Body??

so! a bold 45% of responders would like to bet that Nona is in Harrow’s body. That cover art sure doesn’t look like her, and that would be suspiciously predictable! but as we don’t seem to have a strong alternative contender, it’s hard to see who else she would be.

The best runners-up here are Anastasia, Alecto, and The Body (other), at 20%, 13%, and 9%, respectively. It’s hard to tell what exactly everyone was thinking here, since the current State of the Fandom with regards to Who Is The Body theories is very confused. But it looks like to me that collectively, nearly half of respondents think that Nona is in the Body or a Body-adjacent body, as it were. If we tallied these all together, we’d be at a respectable 42%, rivalling the Harrowbod voters.

Alas no one seems to think that Nona is in Silas’s body, which is a shame since that was an excellent crack theory. But the other unhinged theories include Wake’s other daughter, Samael, and Mercymorn. You can always count the Locked Tomb fandom to come through with the battiest ideas. I’m also seeing a combined 5% of people who think Nona is no one important, just a random BOE member or defrosted Niner. And 5% of respondents insist against all visual cover evidence that Nona is in Gideon’s body. I wish, but it seems unlikely.

But Who Is Nona???

Here’s where things start to get messy.

Respondents are almost evenly split between thinking that Nona is Alecto, who’s barely winning at 27%. Right behind her is Anastasia, at 26%, and Gideon at 21%. Which is to say, the fandom at large is confused-- and in fact there were eighteen other answers, mostly write-ins, ranging from “the embodiment of Abigail Pent’s competence” to “nona :).” Thanks, anon, that really clears it up.

So! I think the big takeaway here is that we’re convinced that the Body/Anastasia/Alecto is deeply involved in all this nonsense. if only we had the slightest cohesive fanon theory to how.

see below the cut for the best of the red-string posterboard shenanigans from the comment section!

Okay so from the whole not burning herself on hot sausages thing we can proooobably assume she's in a Lyctor's body so she automatically heals. Of the logical possibilities, that means either Harrow or Anastasia MAYBE Alecto although Alecto hasn't been confirmed to have that power AFAIK but she was basically impossible to kill so maybe she did. I'm guessing Harrow mostly because if it's not Harrow, then it's weird that Harrow is absent from the epilogue of HTN. But also then I don't know where Harrow and Gideon went because if they're ALL in there it's getting pretty damn crowded, but if they're not then??? idk it would just be weird if the main characters from the past two books weren't in this one. All this bs probably has SOMETHING to do with 'perfect lyctorhood' and Anastasia was supposed to be close to that and i don't know what that means also i feel like the dog having six legs is SOMEHOW related to nona's origins but i don't know how i'm going feral i can't possibly wait until september alternate theory: nona is ur mom lol

Bruh I think we fucked up our soup

I have completely forgotten Silas which oh no now I simply must reread the entire series over again *said like a victorian lady on a fainting couch*

I'm honestly not super confident in my vote. Gideon in Harrow's body seems like the most obvious considering where things ended - Pyrrah being with her, being in a body with yellow eyes and constantly growing hair, a ferrety high forehead face, Camilla trying to see if she likes bones and swords, etc. Plus would explain the ninth there but crossed out in the title. Sometimes the obvious answer is right, like how to me the second person narrative in 2nd book meant it was Gideon then it was. The thing that throws me off is - why would it be hard for Camilla and Pyrrah to know its her?? Palamedes also knew Gideon was in there. So that's why I think it might also be the body or some other soul from the river? Anyway I hope to find some amnesiac Gideon fanfics now

I don't get all this Anastasia stuff. Nothing in the story has suggested to me that she is any more important than she seems. Looking forward to being proved wrong.

is endless screaming a comment? i have lots of endless screaming.

harrow is half-dead, except she's 200 dying souls. bada bing bada BOOM poof you have a miniature RB, smooshed into the conveniently empty body of resident ice bimbo anastasia.

LISTEN. the book takes place over a week and also ten thousand years, according to muir, so nona is likely one of the fishstick-people god put in the freezer for later. like. she gets ice-lollied on thursday and wakes up friday on goth pluto a myriad later with a bunch of dead & dying nuns and she gets some boring basic ninth house name like nona. imagine the peppy YA-tone (which muir says is the realm the book inhabits!) of it all: "me and 200 people woke up on a strange planet! new friends! new emenies! new... lovers?!". cam & the galpals, BOE-aligned, might have picked her up on their way to complete BOE's unfinished quest to pop open the locked tomb. i'm throwing spaghetti at a wall.

The Random Defrosted Niner theory is *chef's kiss*. I love the idea of the fandom going feral trying to figure out what named character is on the cover, and then it's just like some rando

who knows bestie

(ed. ME TOO, anon. ME TOO.)

#the locked tomb #nona the ninth #data analysis

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commonwealthoccurences · 3 years

Text

Companions React: Sole Breaks Down

Request: “Could I ask for companions comforting a sole that’s usually an emotional rock, that they hadn’t seen this vulnerable ever? Like they come back from being away and just crumble into a sobbing mess. Pretty please?”

Note: *bangs spoon against pot* come get the hurt/comfort. CW: Mentions of unnamed characters deaths.

The setting:

Upon Preston’s request, Sole took off to a distant settlement to reorganize their resources, set up defenses, and bring them into the trade route. These excursions usually took about a week or two, so Sole could make sure they were fully stable before returning to Sanctuary to attend to their other duties. With this trip, however, they requested their companion stay in Sanctuary; they could handle this on their own, and the companion deserved a break.

Two weeks later, Sole returns, shoulders weighed down by their pack, ladened with goods the settlers had insisted they take with them. It had been a tough week, though that wasn’t really a new thing in Sole’s book, or anyone’s, really. Unfortunately, Sole hadn’t been able to predict the fact that some sort of disease would run through the tiny settlement while they were there, taking several of the members with it as it left.

They scrubbed at their skin in a nearby body of water every morning of those two weeks, rubbed raw and pink as a result of Sole’s quietly hysterical distress. They wanted no trace of settlement on them. There were elements of guilt in their relief to return home, but with returning home came the fact that they were safe enough to reflect on their weeks away from Sanctuary. There seemed to be no hiding from what had happened.

Sole got through the main street of Sanctuary well enough, sending nods to passing settlers, with a brief stop to drop off some of the food they had brought back with them with their local merchant; he would give it away to those that dropped in throughout the day. Once they made it down the road and to the entrance of their home, they felt the dam break. Their hands shook as they pulled the door open and moved inside, doing their best to ignore the tears that began to trickle down their face.

(*Gage’s scenario takes place upon their return to Nuka World’s Fizztop Grille)

Cait:

Cait was waiting just inside, having taken up residence in Sole’s living room with Dogmeat.

She went to make a joke about Sole being late, but when she looked up, she lost the words quite quickly

Sole’s shoulders were shaking, and it was quite obvious that they were trying to hide that they were crying, but it was impossible to not see

She practically tripped over herself to get to Sole, who was acting casual by rearranging the items in their back they had set on the floor

Her desire to comfort and protect Sole overrode her hesitance for physical affection and she found herself hugging Sole far too tightly than she should’ve

But it was partially panic on her end that caused her to grip them so tight

“Christ, what’s a matter?”

The only sound Sole made was a choking whimper and Cait gripped them even tighter

Curie:

She reads the distress in their stance the moment they cross the threshold into their home

Similarly to Cait, she gets up from where she’s sitting immediately, but stops short of Sole

“Oh, goodness. Are you alright?” She reaches out but doesn’t quite touch them, not wanting to intrude

Sole shakes their head, unable to disguise their very obvious distress

“Physical or emotional?”

Sole opens their mouth to say emotional and gets out about half the word before choking on their own breath and curling forward into themself

“Would you like a hug?” Her voice is quieter this time.

Sole nods and she brings them in for a soft hug, rubbing their back

Danse:

Danse is far more emotionally intelligent when it comes to other people’s feelings than people give him credit for

He’s seen it happen before; soldiers compartmentalize their emotions as much as they can, for years even, but everyone has a breaking point

And sometimes it’s over something one might consider small, like breaking a dish, or sometimes it’s loss that brings them to their knees, as it would anyone

Regardless, he’s known all along that one day Sole won’t be able to suppress their emotions anymore

When they come in crying and shaking, looking defeated, he’s unsurprised. Sad in an inevitably knowing sort of way

He gets up and walks over, taking their pack from their hands and helping them shed the heavy jacket that was weighing them down

He requests they sit and takes off their boots before going to get them a glass of water

He doesn’t say much, considering he doesn’t have much to say, but he’d much rather show how he cares via actions rather than words, anyway

Deacon:

He’s somewhat similar to Danse in the fact that he knows Sole’s going to need to break at some point, however it’s in less of a “I’ve seen this before” attitude and more in the fact that he can relate

But Sole has an easier time trusting than he does, so he knows their break is coming at some point, whereas he knows that there’s never going to be a point where he allows someone else to see what Sole is allowing him to witness

So when they stand there, defeated, looking over at him like a lost child, he simply opens his arms

He’s not one for hugs, but he makes exceptions, and it seems this is one of those situations that calls for an exception

When they sob into his shoulder, he pats them on the back and replies with a simple, “I know, Boss. I know.”

Gage:

Gage is chewing at a piece of dried Mirelurk, grimacing at the salty taste.

Sole makes their way across Fizztop Grille, dropping their pack carelessly next to one of the couches.

Similarly, they drop down next to Gage where he’s sitting overlooking the rest of Nuka World, not saying a word.

After a moment, punctuated by a very obvious sigh, Gage looks over at Sole. He chews contemplatively for a moment, “You and me both. Wanna talk about it?”

Sole shakes their head and Gage responds, “Cool.”

He pats them on the back, admittedly, awkwardly and a bit too harsh to be comforting, but it’s Gage

He’s doing his best

Haylen:

Haylen has Dogmeat in her lap chewing at a Radstag bone, her hand running mindlessly over his fur

She doesn’t jump up when Sole comes in, cautious at the idea of spooking them

“Sole,” She calls out, shifting to move her feet flat on the floor

When they don’t respond and instead sniffle, she’s motioning Dogmeat off her lap and stepping towards them

“Everything alright?”

Sole shakes their head and she presses her lips together in worry, “Anything I can help with?” another shake of Sole’s head

She brushes their hair away from their face with a soft, “Oh, Sole.” and brings them into a light side-hug

Hancock:

He really does like to think he keeps his cool easily, but he really doesn’t in this case

Sole’s crying and that’s not something he thought would ever happen

“Whoa, whoa. Talk to me, what’s going on, Sunshine?”

“Bad day.” Sole chokes out

He suppresses nervous laughter, knowing it can’t just be that, but lets it go and instead puts an arm around their shoulders to pull them in for a tight hug, snug and reassuring, with his other arm finding their waist

MacCready:

He’s alert immediately, thoughts jumping to them being hurt, and potentially fatally so

Considering he thinks its an emergency, he’s in front of them and examining them for injuries within seconds

Sole doesn’t protest for the longest time, but eventually they grab ahold of his wrists and shake their head

He stops for a moment and looks them over again before sighing; this is something he doesn’t know what to do about

“Sit. You’re going to collapse if you’re not careful.”

When they’re seated he helps them shrug off their coat and sits nearby, not pressuring, but available if they want to talk

Nick:

Nick’s view is similar to Danse’s, and he isn’t quite surprised when they come in crying

He sets the pen he was writing with down and shifts back in his chair, opening his arms for a hug if they want

When they cross the room he wraps them in a hug and rubs their lower back, trying his best with the awkward angle him sitting provides

“You need to take time for yourself.” He recommends, but other than that, he remains mostly silent

Piper:

The queen of panic, despite her best efforts

She’s used to tears because of her experiences with Nat, but not from Sole of all people

She does something similar to Mac, where she checks them over briefly, before she realizes this isn’t a physical injury that’s hurting them

She’s competing with Cait when it comes to tight hugs, wishing she could protect them from whatever’s bothering them so

A sympathy crier, she has to blink away her own tears

“Let it out, Blue. We can talk about it later, okay? Everything’s gonna be just fine. I swear.”

Preston:

Preston’s not sure how to handle things, considering how used to Sole being a rock he is

He knows it’s not quite right, considering he knows other people view him the same way, and it’s incredibly difficult being the one holding it together all the time, but he’s still genuinely surprised when he sees they’re crying

He knows what to do when he realizes what’s going on, though; exactly what he wishes he could request from someone else

He brings them into a hug and mumbles reassurances; that they don’t have to be the tough one all the time, that their emotions aren’t weakness, and that everything’s going to be okay

X6-88:

A fan of mutual silence, X6 helps them get comfortable and brings them into their room; he’s always viewed quarters as the safest place to be, both in the Institute and when Sole gave him his own quarters afterwards

He helps them into bed, making sure they’re comfortable, before asking if they have any small injuries they need addressed before settling in

If they say yes he cleans and dresses their wounds as gently as possible before settling into bed near them, a respectable distance away, but within reach if they need, and begins reading a book Sole left on their nightstand

He knows it’s hard to be alone when you’re being attacked by emotions, but they don’t seem to want to talk about what’s going through their head quite yet; instead, he rubs their back and encourages them to cry it out

#Fallout 4 #Fo4 #Companions react #headcanons #hcs #hurt comfort #fanfiction #mild angst #Cait #Curie #Deacon #Paladin Danse #Gage #Mayor Hancock #Nick Valentine #RJ MacCready #Preston Garvey #X6-88 #Scribe Haylen

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writingwithcolor · 3 years

Text

Muslim superhero w/ blue skin & non-magic powers

Pepita asked:

Hello. I’m writing and drawing a comic about superheroes. I’ve decided to include a Muslim, hijab wearing woman as one of the four main characters. I’ve been reading your blog and other resources to try and make a character who is real and true to the experience of an Iraqi-American Muslim superhero.

I’ve read a lot about how Muslim and magic is a no go, so I choose her powers to be explicitly not magic. Bullet-proof skin and unbreakable bones that happens to also be a ‘diamond like’ blue. The blue is what I’m debating on. I really don’t want it to be shown that her being Muslim is 'other’, but she wouldn’t be the only character in the book with a superpower that changes what the person looks like. It’s not like she is the only POC in the story, but she is the only major Muslim character.

In addition to this, I had it in early drawings, before I fully decided to make her Muslim, that the character was hairless. It’s not something that should come up in drawings as she is wearing a hijab, besides the lack of eyebrows. Would that be something I would want to avoid?

Finally, this is something I have seen mixed commentary on. I want to include a romance subplot, and I was thinking of having the Black man and the Muslim woman get married. I’m hesitant to bite the bullet on this subplot, because while it would seem to be OK if the genders were reversed, the opinions of the Muslim community vary on the idea of a non-Muslim man and a Muslim woman getting married. Should I ditch this idea? If not, is there any advice on how to do the romance respectfully to both sides.

Hi! I’ll be answering in three parts:

1. Superpower that changes the outside look:

It seems reasonable for a superhero to change their outer look when their powers are activated. There is nothing wrong with that. Many superheroes in Marvel and DC change eye colors, height, skin and even shift. If the “diamond-like” blue skin appears only when she uses her powers, I think it there is no problem at all.

2. Hairless

I don’t know what do you mean by this. Is it because of a reason? There are people who have alopecia universalis and they lose all the hair in their bodies. Is this the case of your character or is she being hairless related somehow to her superpower? Anyways, it doesn’t seem as a something to avoid. There is this nonsense circulating around that hijabis are bald, but that does not negate the fact that some hijabis do not have hair for different factors.

3. Marriage

The romance subplot can be done in many ways, or it can be avoided. In Islam, women can only marry men of the same creed. While it seems like men can marry whomever they want, that’s not the case. It’s another stereotype perpetuated by the media. The response of the community to this type of behaviour is a whole different topic that pertains to internal issues. Going back to what I was saying, men can only marry women from what we call The People of the Book (practicing Christians and Jews), and even in this case there are certain requirements that must be fulfilled in order for that marriage to be considered halal for the man.

You can avoid and ditch this idea of a romance subplot, or you can have the Muslim character in a relationship with someone that would be Muslim.

Also, your first love interest of the Muslim girl can also revert (turn Muslim) somewhere during the plot, and they end up falling in love. Of course, if he becomes Muslim it can’t be because of her or because that’s the only way for them to be together. Choosing a religion is a very intimate decision and it should be done because the person believes and accepts that creed. You can research revert stories to have a perspective on this.

-Asmaa

I’d like to note that there are plenty of Black Muslims. Islam isn’t a race.

~Mod Colette

#Asks #submission #Muslim #Muslim women #superheroes

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makeste · 3 years

Text

save no matter what.

so this is going to ultimately be a post about Deku. however, if you’ll be so kind as to indulge me, I would like to start things off by making a point about Bakugou. specifically, I’d like to point out that back in the day before this kid got Character Development no Jutsu’d, people weren’t always so inclined to view his attitude towards winning in the best light. which is a nice way of saying that he came off as unhealthily obsessed, not to mention more than a little unhinged.

sorry for the image spam btw, I just think they’re funny. he’s so demented lmao. KILL DIE CRUSH.

anyway so we’re gonna do the rest of this below a cut before it gets long. but I promise it really is a Deku post lol. don’t let the pre-readmore stuff fool you. I PROMISE THERE IS A POINT, AND WE WILL GET TO IT.

anyway! so yeah, we really didn’t have the best impression of Bakugou’s whole winning fixation at the beginning there. and I mean, it’s not like we had the best impression of Bakugou himself at the start of things either. we were already primed from the very first chapter to see this kid as an adversary to Izuku. the story goes out of its way to paint him in pretty much the worst light possible. which is why what happens next is so interesting.

because one might see all this and think, “holy heck, this kid is off the shits, somebody needs to set him straight pronto and get it into his head that winning isn’t everything.” because that’s almost the natural conclusion to draw. “look at this kid, he doesn’t care about helping other people at all, all he cares about is winning, someone needs to come along and show him that he’s got it backwards.”

except that’s not what happens, is it? because this is where, much to my delight, Horikoshi came along and started subverting expectations. because not only is Katsuki not rebuked for being so obsessed with winning -- it’s pretty much the exact opposite.

the one and only time Deku ever straight up hands Katsuki’s ass to him is when he says he doesn’t want to win. Deku is IMMEDIATELY all, “THE FUCK KIND OF BULLSHIT DID I JUST HEAR OUT OF YOUR TRASH MOUTH,” and that’s when he sets him straight.

the important people in Katsuki’s life never tell him, “hey you need to cool it with the whole winning thing.” All Might and Aizawa never scold him for it, or tell him that he shouldn’t try with everything he has to win, or that wanting to win is a bad thing. on the contrary, they both commend him for it. and ultimately, he’s told by All Might that this desire is actually one of the two fundamental qualities that every great hero needs.

he completely turns the whole thing on its head. not only is it not a bad thing, it’s actually crucial. essential. because what the desire to win really is, at its core, is tenacity. it’s the fiercest kind of determination. it’s not something he should be ashamed of; it’s something that sets him apart, something that makes him worthy. he is someone who refuses to back down no matter what. refuses to give up, no matter what. and this quality, which is initially misunderstood by some to the point where even the villains mistakenly take him for one of their own in the making, is eventually validated to the fullest degree by the person that Katsuki looks up to the most. his desire to win goes from being this awkward “son wtf are you doing” thing to being one of the core philosophies of the series. and ever since then, we pretty much don’t question it.

so why do I bring this up now? well, the answer to that can basically be summed up in one word.

“parallels.”

so here’s the thing. there’s been a lot of talk lately about Deku’s ridiculous, reckless, and absurdly self-destructive desire to save others while having little to no regard for himself. currently he’s lying in a hospital bed, having broken approximately 218 out of the 206 bones in his little hero body (yes, somewhere along the way he found an additional dozen bones to break). it is worrying. it is Concerning. and it’s raised a lot of questions, such as “???” and “wtf is this idiot doing.”

and a lot of people have been pretty critical of him! this is, of course, an ongoing thing with this child, and people have been giving him grief over it going as far back as chapter 6.

while others have been bothered by it going even further back than that.

and I’ve seen these sentiments being echoed pretty frequently in the fandom as well. and there are basically two talking points that I want to address here. the first is the idea that Deku’s aggressive brand of selflessness stems from an inherent lack of self-worth. in other words, because he prioritizes other people’s safety and well-being above his own, and is willing to go to such drastic lengths to save them, there’s this feeling that he doesn’t value himself enough, that he must not care about himself.

but I don’t think that’s quite it. let’s go back to those parallels first, though. let’s take another look at Kacchan.

what I mainly want to call attention to is the intensity here. again, it’s something that at first strikes most readers as being absurdly over the top. the truth is, I think a lot of people simply can’t relate to it. Katsuki cares about winning with a ferocity and a fervor that most people, for better or worse, simply don’t have. I certainly don’t, lol.

but he does. to him it’s not a shallow, superficial thing at all. it’s important to him, perhaps the most important thing. I think we often talk about it in terms of it being a desire, but imo a more accurate way to define it is not as a want, but as a need. in other words, it’s the opposite of the question “what is it this character wants” (i.e. “what is it they can’t live without”)? instead, it’s a question of “what is it they don’t want” (i.e. “what is it they can’t live with”)?

and in Katsuki’s case, the thing he can’t live with is feeling like he hasn’t tried his absolute best. he needs to give his all in everything he does. he wants to win, but winning just on its own is not enough.

it has to be earned. he has to prove to himself and to everyone else that he deserves it. anything less than that is unacceptable. anything less than that, and he can’t be at ease. he can’t be settled. he can’t rest. and so he puts everything he has into winning, even if it means going to extremes. because it’s that important to him.

it’s something that’s at times alarming and even disturbing for others to witness. but nonetheless, it’s a part of who he is, and at the end of the day his teachers accept that, and the story acknowledges that it’s his greatest strength.

so now, to finally bring this back around to Deku, this is what I keep seeing in his character as well. only in his case, the thing he can’t live with is knowing that he didn’t do everything he possibly could to save someone. or to put it another way, Deku, at his core, is someone who cannot rest until he knows that everyone is safe. simple as that. it’s not just a desire to protect people; it’s a need. he needs to know that everyone is safe and protected. otherwise he can’t be at ease. it’s no different from how normal, everyday people aren’t able to feel at ease unless they know that they are safe and that their loved ones are safe. it’s just that in Deku’s case, this same fundamental need extends to everyone, not just himself and his friends and family. everyone. he can’t live with himself knowing that someone was in trouble, and he had the ability to do something to help, but didn’t. and so, if you literally can’t live with not doing something, you basically have no choice but to do it.

and this is what in my opinion defines Deku’s character. Kacchan, in trying to understand it, noted that Deku doesn’t seem to take himself into account. but I think OFA Prime summed it up a little more accurately. “he rages for the sake of others. for them, he does his best until he can do no more. this young man is possessed by a drive to save others that eclipses all common understanding.”

so yeah. it’s not that he doesn’t care about himself at all, it’s that he cares about others even more. he has that same intensity and ferocity towards saving people that Katsuki has towards winning. and just as it was difficult at first for fans to understand Katsuki’s feelings, it’s hard to fathom the sheer depth of that “save everyone” feeling that compels Deku to break his own body in that pursuit. it’s scary, not to mention extremely destructive and dangerous. and so really, it was almost inevitable that there would be some backlash.

but just like Katsuki’s desire to win was ultimately validated in the end, I think Deku’s desire to save others will be as well. in fact it already is being validated, for starters by the other denizens of OFA, led by Lil Bro as mentioned above. let’s go back for a moment to that same scene.

here we get a huge hint that “Deku gets taken down a notch and chewed out and scolded for his recklessness” is not, in fact, the direction that the story is going in. because in general, when the main villain starts mocking the hero and saying that they’ve done something wrong, that’s a very good sign that said hero is actually on the exact right track. like, no offense, but as far as character critiques go, AFO is probably the least qualified person in the entire manga to start offering those up lol. so yeah. if AFO is denouncing Deku for something, and OFA Prime is praising him for that exact same thing, I think it’s safe to say that means he is in fact doing something very, very right.

“okay but makeste, he nearly got himself killed and broke all of his arms AND legs and is now lying in a fucking coma,” you say, gesturing emphatically to the last page of chapter 298. “so I mean, that’s all well and good that Wonder Boy has the best of intentions and all that, but at the end of the day he’s only one kid. he literally can’t save everyone, and if he pulls one or two more stunts like this, he’s going to get himself killed.”

and okay, but this here is the other talking point that I wanted to address. because it’s true, Deku does need to learn a specific lesson here. but that lesson is NOT that he can’t save everyone. this is a superhero story, guys -- “you can’t save everyone” is never going to be the underlying message, ever. it’s the OPPOSITE of the message. Deku is the hero because he tries to save everyone. because he doesn’t give up on saving people no matter what. that is literally the core of the story. it has been since the very first chapter.

so then what is it that Deku actually needs to learn here? well, once again, it all comes back to those parallels.

btw, I really just love how he’s carrying Katsuki there lol. he’s just so done with him.

but anyway. so, the final exam arc. Katsuki initially wants to win at all costs -- but there’s a hitch. because even though he wants to win, he refuses to do so while working with Deku. enter Deku’s left hook, and one impromptu Rival Encouragement Speech later, our boy has thankfully come to his senses.

but here’s the point -- the lesson here wasn’t “you can’t always win.” rather, the lesson that Katsuki needed to learn was that you can’t always win alone.

yeah. so now you can see what I’m getting at here.

“...on your own.”

that’s the key. this is the one and only thing that Deku actually needs to get into his head. wanting to save everyone is fine! his will to save others has never been a weakness -- it’s been the most admirable thing about him from day one. it’s what makes him strong. it’s why All Might chose him. it’s why OFA has chosen him. it’s what sets him apart, and I firmly believe it’s what will ultimately help him save the day and defeat AFO as well. because what other character would look at Shigaraki Tomura, the person who just impaled his friend and destroyed an entire city, and instinctively reach out a hand to try and save him? and if you don’t think that’s going to wind up being key to the final battle, you and I have very different ideas about this series’ endgame.

Deku’s determination to save everyone isn’t arrogance or futility. it is and always has been his greatest strength. but what he’s missing now, what he needs to learn, is simply to trust. y’all might have seen that theory about the Fourth’s quirk, and why All Might was so hesitant to tell Deku about it. basically, the theory (which is based on an attempted translation of the crossed-out parts of All Might’s OFA notebook) goes that the Spidey Sense was so overwhelming that the Fourth -- whose cause of death was one of the things crossed out -- eventually couldn’t bear it, and went to live alone in the middle of the woods somewhere. and possibly wound up killing himself?? all of which is just speculation right now of course. but it makes sense. and it would certainly explain why All Might, being all too aware of Deku’s self-destructive tendencies, would keep that from him.

but if this is the case, that means it’s clear that the Fourth’s solution didn’t work. “give up and accept that you can’t save everyone” clearly is NOT the answer to be had here.

the answer is trust. trust that his fellow heroes have his back. trust that they’ll be able to help him reach the people he’s not able to reach on his own. trust that they can work together to save everyone. that he doesn’t have to rest the entire world on his shoulders alone.

it’s the one lesson that All Might, his predecessor and his teacher, never learned himself until it was too late. but of course, All Might never had a prickly and determined rival who was ready to step in and deal out some tough love if need be. a rival who, perhaps, just might soon get a chance to repay an old favor.

“I don’t wanna hear you say you can’t save someone.”

I’m just saying. just as Deku has been watching Katsuki all this time, and admiring his determination to win, and emulating it himself, so has Katsuki recently begun to emulate Deku’s determination to save others. we’ve seen it not just in his recent act of self-sacrifice, but even in little things like his habits and tricks of speech. just like Katsuki is Deku’s image of victory, Deku is becoming Katsuki’s image of saving others.

and so I’ll bet you anything that if Deku ever starts to doubt himself, or starts feeling like his dream and desires are futile, Kacchan will be there to set him straight with a good old fashioned Rival Encouragement Speech of his own. possibly with his own left hook to match, though his left shoulder is currently out of sorts atm so he might need to modify that approach a little bit. but the point is, he’ll be there. and he will not allow Deku to give up on himself. he will be there to remind him that he doesn’t have to face this alone.

so yeah! finally managed to wrap up my giant Deku meta which I’ve been working on for ages and rewritten like fifteen times lmao. just in time for this to be relevant for all of a day, probably, depending on what happens once chapter 279 drops lol. but yeah. tl;dr, local boy tries to do too much, but his heart is in the right place, and hopefully all he really needs is a good pep talk from his tsundere bff to set him to rights again. r.i.p. to the Fourth, but he’s different.

#bnha 298 #midoriya izuku #bakugou katsuki #bakudeku #bnha meta #deku meta #bakugou meta #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #makeste reads bnha

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morgana-ren · 3 years

Note

if you'd be so inclined my dear, what are your thoughts on how Tomura's character has developed over the series' timeline? -☼

So, I think Horikoshi did an excellent job at character development- especially considering that he's a villain (not the focal point of the series) and he really didn't have to do that. He easily could have kept Tomura an impudent little man-child, but he didn't, and I truly appreciate that.

So, in season one, we get his debut as USJ, and it became quickly apparent that he was... disorganized. Intelligent and dangerous, clearly, but not quite there yet. He essentially threw money at a pack of sell-sword villains, had a basic plan for how he wanted things to go, and relied on his Nomu to do the majority of his work for him. He didn't even consider variables and other things he couldn't have foreseen- he took Master at his word and just went for it.

He makes a multitude of mistakes during this attack, and it's part of why he fails so hard. Underestimates the kids simply because they're young, not factoring in that these are to be the nations top heroes. Even young, each one is sporting a power that puts them at the top of the class and above the rest of the nation. He basically goes "Fuck it, just scatter them and have these no-name villains kill them. No way that could go wrong." not considering that these children have been learning from the best of the best and are clearly already intelligent of their own accord.

He doesn't take into account that these heroes actually care for these kids and that feeling responsible for them works in their favor as opposed to being a detriment. They fight harder and take more abuse to keep them protected (Aizawa getting absolutely demolished but still persisting to defend the children even as he bleeds to death with a broken body.)

The intel wasn't wrong, per se, but he took it at face value, not even bothering to consider that All Might would push far past his limit to keep these kids safe. For someone as obsessed with felling All Might, he certainly didn't really know a thing about him. His genuine goodness and character would not allow him to fail when their lives were on the line. And then there's the matter of Midoriya, and while Tomura had no way of knowing that he's inherited All Might's power, he should have been able to account for wild cards like that from valiant children dedicated to heroism.

More under the cut because I’m just rambling.

I think this defeat humbles him. For most of his life, things have gone his way because of who is backing him and because he is extremely dangerous with a powerful quirk- this teaches him that raw strength and basic strategy won't be enough.

He watches Stain take the country by storm, and he can't understand it. Doesn't get what the big deal is- he believes he and Stain are mostly cut from the same cloth because of their penchant for violence and murdering heroes, totally blind to the convictions behind Stain's actions. He's incapable of thinking outside of his own view points, and it cripples him. These are his first few steps outside of his own comfort zone and where he begins to grow.

He's forced to consider not what he wants, but why. He resists this every step of the way, but ultimately realizes that paying off little bastard villains to work in his name isn't enough. He needs players under his command that will fight for more than money- and sell swords are loyal to nothing but that. He needs to find a conviction (even as he ends up stealing the mask of one and using it as a facade at first) that others can relate to and be passionate about.

So he does.

He steals Stain's ideology for his own and uses it to recruit some of his top members- even if he is a right little bastard about it at first. While he throws a tizzy fit because they aren't "perfect" (his standards are very high despite the fact that he's arguably not a very effective leader) but eventually ends up utilizing them regardless.

It's around here that he starts sharpening his instincts and learns what it is to be a true leader. He learns he cannot casually throw around his pawns because ultimately, he cannot win this war by himself. 'The enemy of my enemy is my friend' and while he isn't as enchanted with Stain's entire gimmick as his comrades are, he still wields it effectively.

He's still learning, however, as we learn when he takes Bakugo. Had he gone to the effort to get to know a single thing about him, he would have learned very quickly that trying to recruit him would come up completely pointless. He just saw untamed anger and unrestrained violence bordering on unhinged and thought "Ah yes, he's powerful and very much like me- he'll do nicely" and put together a whole plan to kidnap him. I think the vanguard's success in capturing him shows Tomura just how useful it is to have clever little birds under your command, and that sticks with him.

Losing his Master, like AFO says, forces him to become his own man. He loses the cushy abode he'd had for most of his life, loses many of the benefits afforded to him by being AFO's protege. He and his ragtag team of villains live in squalor, almost entirely destitute, and are forced to survive- but they stay loyal, and that means something to him. I think it’s around here where he actually begins to care about them.

We see how he reacts to Magne’s death. I don’t think for one second he aided in destroying Overhaul simply because he was a threat. If that was the case, he would have stopped once he was arrested. He risks everything to get vengeance. Cuts his limbs off and renders him completely helpless as payment for what he did to Compress and to avenge Magne’s wrongful death.

Over the course of everything, he’s become more patient, more cunning, more dangerous. He’s learning quickly from his mistakes, how to command his ranks in a respectful, effective way, and how to keep them safe. He learns their strengths and weaknesses, and while he’s still a bit thorny, it’s very apparent he does care for them. He’s on his own now, and knows he needs greater power, greater numbers to achieve his goals. He is ruthlessly ambitious, willing to endure ungodly amounts of pain to meet his ends.

So now we have this season (which I haven’t actually watched, as I’m just waiting for disappointment because I fucking know Bones won’t do him justice) and he’s seeking out both Gigantomachia, a former ally, and the PLF. Both things that could be of great value to him. His leadership skills and ability to command will be put to the test, but so will his endurance, his willpower, and everything else. This is the beginning of him as a truly devastating threat.

He’s growing into the villain I think he deserves to be. He’s facing down the very bones that comprise him and learning why he is the way he is. What his convictions really are and how far he’s willing to go to achieve his goals. HIs past, his life as he knows it, what needs to be done to put a pretty little ribbon on everything. He is, in a way, shedding like a snake- ridding himself of weaknesses, growing into his strengths, and evolving into a more capable predator.

If you ask me, realistically, I think Shigaraki would actually win. When it’s all said and done, I think his arc is far more compelling than any of the heroes or their children. I think he has more drive, more wit, more raw power and more reasons to keep fighting. A lot of the kids, while cute and the main characters, are quite hollow. But over the course of all these seasons, we get to watch Tomura’s metamorphosis and his evolution into a purer, undiluted evil. He transforms into something truly sinister- a literal manifestation of all of the flaws and pitfalls of society and hero culture as it exists. He is undeniable proof of the toxicity and that the way things are cannot be allowed to stand, and the fact that so many people resonate with him and follow him loyally should be the ultimate clue-in.

I think if the heroes weren’t blinded, they would look at Shigaraki and his league and consider it. Wonder if, just for a moment, there was something there that they should pay attention to. A cry that they should hear rather than be willing deaf to. But they don’t.

Gran Torino is a prime example of this. So are all the other so called ‘heroes’. Calling him evil. Underestimating him. Considering him someone who just woke up one day and decided ‘I don’t like this so I’m going to kill a lot of people’. You’d think that they’d recognize that a drive like his does not come from nothing. If they sat down, shut the fuck up and listened for ten seconds, maybe they wouldn’t be dying by the dozens.

I’m not saying that they should allow him to continue to trample the world and kill at will. But what I am saying is that part of how they’re fighting him and how they’re viewing this in terms of black and white and good versus evil is exactly the fucking problem, and it’s that kind of bullshit that birthed the villain we know as Tomura Shigaraki to begin with.

#Shigaraki #Tomura Shigaraki #just my thoughts on it #Thank you for the question anon!#Morgana and friends

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sendme-2hell · 3 years

Text

Rating the Books I read after Gideon the Ninth (in order) by how well they made me forget my Gideon the Ninth angst

I starred the ones that I actually recommend if you want something similar to gtn.

I was bored so I made this. Mostly just so I can look back at this and laugh at myself in a few months and remember what I’ve read.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - -

**Harrow the Ninth -Tamsyn Muir

Summary: A depressed girl has to navigate murder attempts by both the mom and the dad of her dead ex-girlfriend who she can’t remember. She tries to make soup and writes fanfic to cope.

How well it helped me forget: -100/10 but also 10/10

Rating explanation: This one gets a 10/10 because it did make me feel better about a *particular* GTN plotpoint which I was very angsty about, but tragically it did make me more feral. After reading it I reread both books so I don’t think it helped me forget my angst.

Similar themes to GTN: all of it, plus more memes

I Want to Be Where The Normal People Are - Rachel Bloom

Summary: Rachel Bloom who wrote the world’s most relatable song: “You Stupid Bitch,” and starred/created in Crazy Ex Girlfriend, writes about having anxiety, feeling like she’s not normal, and Harry Potter fanfic.

How well it helped me forget: 8/10

Rating explanation: For a few minutes I actually did forget about my griddlehark angst while I learned more about Bloom’s life and laughed at the painful relatability of it all.

Similar themes to TLT: ummm depression, feeling very out of place, memes

Fingersmith - Sarah Waters

Summary: The book The Handmaiden was based on. A girl is sent to become a Lady’s handmaiden to con her out of some money. She falls in love. Many plot twists.

How well it helped me forget: 5/10

Rating explanation: I was sadly still thinking about TLT the whole time I read this. I liked it but I actually like the Handmaiden better because the women spend more time together. Like in this book, I wish that Harrow and Gideon could spend more time together.

Similar themes: wlw enemies to lovers, at some point you realize the main character’s love interest understands what’s going on way more than the main character

Kindred - Octavia Butler

Summary: Very dark book about slave narratives. I cannot make a joke here, but this book is excellent.

How well it helped me forget: 10/10

Rating explanation: Again, I can’t make a joke. But Octavia Butler is amazing.

Ash - Malinda Lo

Summary: A wlw retelling of Cinderella with fairies and an emphasis on stories

How well it helped me forget:7/10

Rating explanation: This was really quick and fun and I definitely was rooting for the lesbians. Also it was nice it had a happy ending! If you liked Crier’s War (which I did), this was clearly an influence for Nina Varela.

Similar themes: wlw, the magic one + the fighting one dynamic

Station Eleven - Emily St. John Mandel

Summary: A deadly pandemic wipes out so many people that the world spins into chaos and no one can figure out how to use electricity apparently? But the book is really about fame and wanting to be remembered. Go figure.

How well it helped me forget: -10/10

Rating explanation: Ok that’s not fair. It helped me forget about Gideon and Harrow but it did NOT help me forget about Corona. It was technically good and a lot of people I respect love it, but either because I was still thinking about TLT or because it was about a pandemic, I couldn’t really enjoy it.

Similar themes: post-apocalyptic

Red, White & Royal Blue - Casey McQuiston

Summary: The Prince of England and The son of the president of the US are enemies. They are definitely enemies.

How well it helped me forget: 6/10

Rating explanation: This was such a fun read that it almost distracted me! Tragically I was in such TLT headspace that I kept pausing to read fanfics where Gideon and Harrow switch eyes.

Similar themes: Enemies to lovers, queer

Troubling Love - Elena Ferrante

Summary: In true Elena Ferrante fashion, an event spurs an Italian woman to do a lot of internal processing and have some flashbacks.

How well it helped me forget: 7/10

Rating explanation: This book was a bit disturbing so it distracted me in that way. Plus I love Elena Ferrante’s writing so much that it felt like coming home to an old friend. Unfortunately for me, this is Elena Ferrante’s least queer book. I know because I have now read them all. Her most queer book, The Lying Life of Adults, would have distracted me better. Also just using this space to tell anyone who’s still reading this (probably no one) to go read My Brilliant Friend (and the corresponding Neopolitan Novels). They are not similar to TLT except they are vaguely queer and about competitive friendships where the girls are obsessed with each other in maybe an unhealthy way. Ok so a bit similar. Genuinely my favorite books ever.

Similar themes: mommy issues, daddy issues, childhood trauma

On This Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous -Ocean Vuong

Summary: A Vietnamese immigrant reflects on his mother, grandmother, and his own life experience in the US. It is poetic and beautiful and will make you cry.

How well it helped me forget: 10/10

Rating explanation: This book is beautiful. It really changes how you think about the US. Plus really interesting stuff about the western way of telling stories. Cannot recommend it enough, though very little to do with TLT.

Similar themes: queer, stuff about language, childhood trauma, you will cry

**The Priory of the Orange Tree - Samantha Shannon

Summary: OK sorry none of those were good suggestions for what to read after GTN. THIS is what you should read after GTN. It is an incredibly slow burn wlw enemies to lovers. There are dragons, there is magic, there are very cool female characters who I am in love with. This is like Game of Thrones but if it was good, queer, and only one 800 page book.

How well it helped me forget: 10/10

Rating explanation: Enemies to lovers!!!! What more do I have to say? Also very cool world-building, interesting religious themes.

Similar themes: wlw enemies to lovers, religious themes, magic, very old wizard milfs, also mlm

*The Traitor Baru Cormorant

Summary: Baru is a very smart girl in a colonized island. She decides she will play the game of the colonizers, rise up in their society, and destroy them from within. How is that going, Baru?

How well it helped me forget: 100/10

Rating explanation: This DID make me forget TLT. The only book to truly make me. It made me forget so badly that I wanted my Griddlehark angst BACK. GIVE ME IT BACK I don’t wanna feel sad about Baru anymore. I cannot recommend it more, it is so good, but it did make me ugly cry. It also made me majorly depressed about colonization and the state of the world.

Similar themes: wlw enemies to lovers, ending will make you cry

*The Monster Baru Cormorant - Seth Dickinson

Summary: Baru is depressed, has brain damage, throws up a lot, is sad about (redacted), does some things without remembering them because there’s something going on in her brain. Sound familiar? It’s kinda like Harrow the Ninth but more depressing. Oh also a lot of new characters are introduced, old characters come back, a lot of setup for the next book. Euler’s identity shows up out of nowhere?!

How well it helped me forget: 10/10

Rating explanation: Again, it made me forget but only because I was so engrossed in this story. Also kinda depressed. This book is kinda depressing. But Baru is very fun to be around, and there are some other great characters. Marry me, Yawa.

Similar themes: again, this is just harrow the ninth on steroids, I am in love with every single woman in this series

*The Tyrant Baru Cormorant - Seth Dickinson

Summary: Baru makes a new bestie, reunites with an old bestie, and discovers a dead bestie in her brain!

How well it helped me forget: 1000/10

Rating explanation: I loved this book. There were a few scenes I reread >four times. This book makes the other books in the series worth it.

Similar themes: please see my venn diagram comparing tlt, baru, and A memory called empire for more information

*The Ninth House - Leigh Bardugo

Summary: A girl has seen ghosts her whole life and because of that, gets accepted at Yale even though she didn’t finish high school. Yale is like a hotspot for ghosts I guess. It’s dark academia, the girl has a secret, the narrator is pretty funny.

How well it helped me forget: 6/10

Rating explanation: I was trying to get distracted from TLT (and Baru at this point), but it’s hard to forget about Harrow and Gideon in a book called The Ninth House (hello?). It was enjoyable and there was some good humor. I’m curious about the next book in the series when it comes out. It is not wlw unless you squint (which I do).

Similar themes: debatably wlw body posession, nine houses, the ninth one being important, nerd boy who reminds me of pal, woman is revealed to be MUCH older than I originally thought, soul eating, revenants, tombs, necromancy, character named Mercy

The Bone Season - Samantha Shannon

Summary: It’s the future and London is a hotspot for clairvoyants. Paige is a woman who has a special gift and can jump into people’s bodies and possess them briefly (among other things, this is a terrible explanation). Because of this, she is sent to a secret part of the city where clairvoyants are trained to be monster fighters (but also like, kept there in captivity against their will). Unlike every other book on this list I honestly wouldn’t recommend. I know there are other books in the series. If you’ve read on and it gets better let me know. (I know no one has gotten this far reading this but still)

How well it helped me forget: 4/10

Rating explanation: This one was disappointing because I loved Priory of the Orange Tree so much. This book did not distract me from my griddlehark or barhu feels. There’s also a character named Warden so I thought about SexPal a lot.

Similar themes: enemies to lovers, ghosts, possession, queer but only background characters

****The Unspoken Name - A.K. Larkwood

Summary: A girl is in an isolated cult that wants her to die as a sacrifice (sound familiar?). A definitely not evil wizard helps her escape. She meets a cute necromancer who’s also kinda from a cult. She goes on some gay adventures, gets the help of a morally grey older necromancer (who I’m in love with), and fights with her frenemy.

How well it helped me forget: 10/10

Rating explanation: This is the most similar to TLT on this list. Gideon and Csorwe would be friends. Seriously I recommend this! And the second book comes out soon! And it’s not sad like TLT or Baru!

Similar themes: sword lesbian + necromancer dynamic, wlw enemies to lovers, cults, tombs, necromancy, character named “the sleeper”, also mlm

The Invisible Life of Addie Larue - V. E. Schwab

Summary: Adeline Larue made a deal with a demon in 1714 France, because she wanted to see the world and stuff. It backfires of course. She is immortal but no one remembers her. This causes all sorts of problems and makes her very angsty. The narrative flashes between her going through the years, and her falling in love with the only person who will remember her.

How well it helped me forget: 2/10

Rating explanation: I know people loved this book but I did not. I liked the last 50 pages, I’ll give it that. I wish it was more queer (it was a little queer).

Similar themes: as I said, a little wlw, immortality, demons, I guess falling in love with someone and them not remembering you now that I think about it

Sula - Toni Morrison

Summary: A story about two black women in the 1920’s-1960’s in an Ohio town. It is really great and interesting. It is a book about complicated female friendships (among so many other things that better writers not writing a list no one will read about their TLT feels have outlined) which I love. I was told I should read this after the Neapolitan Novels by Elena Ferrante and it did not disappoint. Same vibes.

How well it helped me forget: 10/10

Rating explanation: This was just a great book. Has really nothing to do with TLT

Similar themes: debatably queer

*Murderbot Diaries: All Systems Red, Artificial Condition, Rogue Protocol, Exit Strategy, Network Effect, - Martha Wells

Summary: Muderbot is an artificial construct who just wants to be left alone to watch tv, damnit! It doesn’t want to interact with humans, and it definitely does not want to talk about feelings. Too bad some humans want to become friends with it.

How well it helped me forget: 10/10

Rating explanation: These books were so good. They did help me forget! The books are really about having anxiety, making friends, and letting yourself have feelings. Also they are SO FUNNY. Highly recommend. In the way that I love Gideon’s POV, I love Murderbot’s POV

Similar themes: funny narrator, queer characters, space, people who don’t want to deal with their feelings being forced to deal with their feelings

*A Memory Called Empire - Arkady Martine

Summary: Mahit is sent a dangerous, evil empire to be an ambassador. Lots of beautiful writing about colonialism, assimilation, language, and culture.There is gay angst and funny characters. I am once again in love with a morally grey older woman character.

How well it helped me forget: 10/10

Rating explanation: Yes this book is great and did distract me from gtn (mostly. I did end up reading a great fanfic about wake, g1deon, and pyrrah in the middle but otherwise...). It is part of my holy trilogy of wlw books (this, baru, tlt) that I just read recently. The next book comes out on March 2nd so it will be a good distraction from waiting for Alecto. Like Baru, it made me feel like shit about colonialism but unlike the other two books in my trilogy (redacted but if you’ve read those books you know) didn’t happen. It had a not too sad ending.

Similar themes: see my venn diagram, but seriously what is going on with brain surgery in these books...

*The Luminous Dead - Cailtin Starling 9/10

Summary: A woman needs money and to get the money she goes on a risky cave dive. It turns out the only contact she has with the rest of the world is a woman who’s kinda a dick. It’s 400 pages of creepy cave diving and these two women talking to each other. It’s creepy and uncomfortable and I loved it. I did spend the whole book thinking it would be such a good story podcast.

How well it helped me forget: 10/10

Rating explanation: It did make me forget about tlt! There are some kinda boring parts but it pays off. The relationship between the two main characters is very interesting (though a bit fucked up).

Similar themes: wlw enemies to lovers, traumatised characters, shitty moms

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felikatze · 3 years

Note

Just wanted to say thank you so much for all the brainworms you have been giving me and my friends for the past few hours about Ayin and all the analyses you've been doing about him.

I have been losing my mind in the middle of the night thinking about all the things you've said, turning it over like crazy and trying to compare it with the gameplay I've had of Lobotomy Corporation and Library of Ruina.

Please do more analysis and share more of your ideas! Please? Please, with cherry on top? Please, I beg of you?

Especially if you have in-depth ideas of analyses for the Sephirah and how it relates to both their own characters and Ayin and Angela.

I thank you greatly in advance!

the implication that i've infected an entire friend group with my brainworms is power that will 100% go to my head i feel amazing. what else is analysis posting except trying to inflict people with the same thoughts bouncing around your skull on repeat

i DO have shit on the sephirah but mostly netzach, because i love netzach, and i in fact found my discord ramble about him (and chesed)

i dont have things on how they relate to A and Angela specifically because I mainly kept thinking abt Reverbaration Ensemble parallels... i have so many thoughs abt Netzach and Bremen.

(but if you want me to talk about, say, a specific core supression, or floor realization... i have a lot of thoughts on floor realizations.)

First off I am so sorry that you seem to think I'm smart because that means i have the perfect opportunity to inflict you with this

okay now we can get to the serious stuff

[transcript:

containment breach:

quick ramble abt lor again but i love the ensemble receptions so much. i'm at chesed's rn, and i know he's been chill the entire game, but him just refusing to comment on jae-hoon's tragedy seems, out of context, a dick move, but also is so important for chesed to do? he recognizes that another's suffering is not related to him, that he can't do anything about it, and that this is fine. The closest i'd describe chesed in lobcorp would be "activist burnout." Due to betraying the lab from garion's pressure, chesed was so consumed by guilt, he just blamed himself for everything and became more callous because it's already his fault, right? There's nothing he can do. But in lor, he knows what his responsibilities are, and allows himself joy where he can find it. I love the ensemble receptions bcuz they are just examplary of each patron libriarian's growth and i iqbfjc (sobs)

GOD this sure is a paragraph

also have to salute netzach for carrying his scene all by himself as the musicians of bremen just (animal noises) :pray:

ykno being online i realize that i'm not quiet at all i am a complete and utter chatterbox /end]

[transcript:

containment breach:

thinking abt netzach's scene where he doesn't talk to bremen, because he can't, but recognizes this who has not only lost themself in their own art but also their own suffering

i just i love netzach so much his entire character arc is abt learning to live with depression and learning to want to live again

so he becomes unable to understand, really, why someone would sacrifice themselves for their own art

when he started out just, similar yet different from bremen, completely submerged in his own misery

musicians of bremen reminds me i still have bremen bon bons at home i should eat those. they r tasty /end]

i wanna specifically dig into this scene more because i love that scene, a lot.

Art as we get to know it in the City is irrevocably tied to violence. Puppets are made of human bodies, music is played on bones and sinews. To the artists of the City, to create art is to make someone suffer. Rewatching Netzach's story bits, Roland describes it as doing nothing but seeking stimulation and being provocative.

Furthermore, there is a direct comparison between art and alcohol. To paraphrase more, the Pianist must've been one hell of a stimulant, like getting hit by a strong booze. A performance some are still hungover from.

Netzach's main struggle was addiction because of depression, and his growing appreciation for art is a continuation of that arc. He says himself that art and alcohol are linked.

However, alcohol is a step down from hard drugs. Netzach hasn't quit, but just that step down shows he learned moderation, which makes me very proud of him.

Moderation is what the other.. let's just call them artists, lack. I said in the screencaps above, initially, Netzach was lost in his own suffering, and the musicians of bremen are lost in their art. And if art is seen as equal to suffering, that just means Netzach and Bremen are more similar than expected. (Especially considering what we see of the musicians previously; they’re always trying to chase the same high they experienced listening to the Pianist by any means necessary. The addiction parallels are not suprising.)

I rewatched most of Netzach's lor scenes, and what rlly gets me is that in his first one, he seems almost the exact same as in lobcorp. He doesn't want to work, he got dragged into this against his will, he feels as if his accomplishments are futile.

But! He eventually invites Roland for drinks. He's not drinking to forget alone anymore, he's doing it as social activity. Furthermore, the more time he spends as Patron Librarian of Arts, the more he grows to appreciate art. Art is tied to suffering, still, but it is an expression of suffering. It does not produce any. Or should not, in any case. He sure wishes it wouldn’t.

So we arrive at his Ensemble Reception. This one makes a rather interesting comparison: art as the pursuit of the light. Let me elaborate.

To quote, “Honestly, I wanna tell people to stop doing the kind of art that requires ‘em to immolate themselves and others. Although, on the other hand... I can kinda see where they’re coming from. Art narrows your vision, after all.

You stop caring about the things around you. That’s how most artists seem to act, I think. And so, you indulge in the craft, not realizing that you’re throwing yourself and your surroundings into the fire you started.”

I pose this: Netzach speaks of his experience as Giovanni. Giovanni was a researcher who, when push came to shove, willingly sacrificed himself to advance the project, in hopes of seeing the light, seeing Carmen, again.

Though he dislikes Bremen’s actions, he does not judge them for it, because he recognized that it would be hypocritical. Even so, what shows that he’s grown is that he.. doesn’t want to see people harm themselves anymore. The focus here isn’t if Bremen hurt other people, which they have, but how much of themselves they’ve given up for their performance. He condemns the act, and not the people.

“If I can see that light once more... If I have to muster up the courage to reach it, I’ll gladly do it. It’s easier said than done, though; you need a lot of fearlessness for it.

And I guess you saw the same kind of light I was so desperate to see, yeah? Even if yours was a twisted creature... [...] Though, I don’t think I can tell you off like the others. At least I can see the reason behind it.”

He even explicitly mentions the light. The funny thing is, both Giovanni and Bremen tried to reach the Seed of Light, and Carmen. It’s tragically hilarious that we know Carmen is the voice the Distortions hear.

Hell, the more I think about it, the more you can just compare the Ensemble as a whole to the Outskirts Lab crew, down to Angelica’s puppet body and Carmen’s desecrated corpse.

“And I know pretty well that we have no right to devilishly pick apart each other’s way of art. I’m not very proud of mine, really...”

Netzach just.. gets it. I can’t remember atm, but I don’t think the other Patron Librarians really draw parallels like that. I’m seeing all the parallels now and I can’t unsee them ever. Bro.

His “art,” his way of protecting the light, is still violent. But he sees that perhaps it didn’t have to be, or rather shouldn’t be. I fucking love Netzach so much. His arc just means a lot to me personally, and I’d wager a lot of people who’ve struggled with mental illness would agree.

I’m not gonna get into Netzach’s floor realization here because this post is already long enough, but like, look at the specific flashback of Angela shown in Netzach’s story bits and contrast it to his arc of learning to want to live, and. Yeah.

#Feli gets asked #lobotomy corporation #library of ruina #netzach #NETZACH MY MAN NETZACH.#long post #this took a while to make cuz i got distracted many times by playing video games #also i'm not sorry for the first bit. know it in your heart. i'm right.

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brawltogethernow · 4 years

Note

So, I don't think I've ever asked you this... what IS the whole point of the Spider-Sense? It really seems like something that only exists for writers to ignore or work around when they want to inject Legit Tension into a story.

I’ve thought about this power so much, but never with an eye to defend its right to exist, so I needed to think about this. The results could be more concise.

Ironically, given the question, I have to say its main purpose is to ramp up tension. But it’s also a highly variable multitool that a skilled creative team can use for...pretty much anything. It does everything the writer wants it to, while for its wielder always falls just short of doing enough.

I went looking through my photos for a really generic, classic-looking example to use as an image to head this topic, but then I ran into the time Peter absolutely did not reimburse this man for his stolen McDonald’s, so have that instead.

A Scare Chord, But You Can Draw It

That one post that says the spider-sense is just super-anxiety isn’t, like, wrong. It’s a very anxious, dramatic storytelling tool originally designed for a very anxious, dramatic protagonist. I find it speaks to the overall tone of the franchise that some characters are functionally psychics, but with a psychic ability that only points out problems.

Spidey sense pinging? There’s danger, be stressed! Broken? Now the lead won’t even KNOW when there’s a problem, scary! Single character is immune to it? That’s an invisible knife in the dark oh my god what the fuck what the fU--

Like its counterpart in garden variety anxiety, the only time the spider-sense reduces tension is in the middle of a crisis. But in the wish fulfillmenty way that you want in an adventure story to justify exaggerated action sequences, the same way enhanced strength or durability does. Also like those, it would theoretically make someone much safer to have it, but it exists in the story to let your character navigate into and weather more dangerous situations.

For its basic role in a story, a danger sense is a snappy way to rile up both the reader and the protagonist that doesn’t offer much information beyond that it’s time to sit smart because shit is about to go down.

Spidey comic canon is all over the board in quality and genre, and it started needing to subvert its formulas before the creators got a handle on what those formulas even were, and basically no one has read anything approaching most of it at this point, so for consistent examples of a really bare bones use of this power in storytelling, I’d point to the property that’s done the best job yet of boiling down the mechanics of Spider-Man to their absolute most basic essentials for adaptation to a compelling monster of the week TV series.

Or as you probably know it, Danny Phantom. DON’T BOO, I’M RIGHT.

DP is Spider-Man with about 2/3 of the serial numbers filed off and no death (ironically), and Danny’s ghost sense is the most proof in the formula example of what the spidey sense is for: It’s a big sign held up for the viewer that says, “Something is wrong! Pay attention!” Effectively a visual scare chord. It’s about That Drama. And it works, which won it a consistent place in the show’s formula. We’re talking several times an episode here.

So why does it work?

It’s a little counterintuitive, but it’s strong storytelling to tell your audience that something bad is going to happen before it does. A vague, punchy spoiler transforms the ignorant calm before a conflict into a tense moment of anticipation. ...And it makes sure people don’t fail to absorb the beginning of said conflict because they weren’t prepared to shift gears when the scene did. Shock is a valuable tool, too, but treating it like a staple is how you burn out your audience instead of keeping them engaged. Not to go after an easy target, but you need to know how to manage your audience’s alarm if you don’t want to end up like Game of Thrones.

The limits of the spider-sense also keep you on your toes when handled by a smart writer. It tells Peter (everyone’s is a little different, so I’m going to cite the og) about threats to his person, but it doesn’t elaborate with any details when it’s not already obvious why, what kind, and from what. And it doesn’t warn him about anything else-- Which is a pretty critical gap when you zoom out and look at his hero career’s successes and failures and conclude that it’s definitely why he’s lived as long as he has acting the way he does, but was useless as he failed to save a string of people he’d have much rather had live on than him.

(Any long-running superhero mythos has these incidents, but with Peter they’re important to the core themes.)

And since this power is by plot for plot (or because it’s roughly agreed it only really blares about threats that check at least two boxes of being major, immediate, or physical), it always kicks in enough to register when the danger is bearing down...when it’s too late to actually do anything about it if “anything” is a more complex action than “dodge”.

Really? Not until the elevator doors started to open?

That Distinctive, Crunchy Spider Flavor

The spider-sense and its little pen squiggles go hand in hand with wallcrawling (and its unique and instantly identifiable associated body language) to make the Spider-Person powerset enduringly iconic and elevate characters with it from being generic mid-level super-bricks. Visually, but also in how it shapes the story.

I said it can share a narrative role with super strength. But when you end a fight and go home, super strength continues to make your character feel powerful, probably safer than they’d be otherwise, maybe dangerous.

The spider-sense just keeps blaring, “Something’s wrong! Something’s wrong! God, why aren’t you doing something about this!?”

Pretty morose thing to live with, for a safety net! Kind of a double edged sword you have there! Could be constantly being hyperattuned to problems would prime you for a negative outlook on life. Kind of seems like a power that would make it impossible for a moral person to take a day off, leading them into a beleaguered and resentful yet dutiful attitude about the whole superhero gig! Might build up to some of the core traits of this mythos, maybe! Might lead to a lot of fifteen minute retirement stories, or something. Might even be a built in ‘great responsibility’ alarm that gets you a main character who as a rule is not going to stop fighting until he physically cannot fight anymore.

Certainly not apropos of anything, just throwing this short lived barely-a-joke tagline up for fun.

One of my personal favorite things about stories with superpowers is keeping in mind how they cause the people who have them to act in unusual ways outside of fights, so when you tell me that these people have an entire extra sense that tells them when the gas in their house is leaking through a barely useful hot/cold warning system that never turns off, I’m like, eyes emojis, popcorn out, notebook open, listening intently, spectacles on, the whole deal.

It also contributes to Peter Parker’s personality in a way I really enjoy: It allows him to act like an irrational maniac. When you know exactly when a situation becomes dangerous and how much, normal levels of caution go out the window and absolutely nothing you do makes sense from an exterior standpoint anymore. That’s the good shit. I would like to see more exploration of how the non-Parker characters experiencing the world in this incredibly altered way bounce in response.

It’s also one of many tools in this franchise hauling the reader into relating more closely with the main character. The backbone of classic Spidey is probably being in on secrets only Peter and the reader know which completely reframe how one views the situation on the page. It’s just a big irony mine for the whole first decade. A convenient way to inform the reader and the lead that something is bad news that’s not perceivable to any other characters is youth-with-a-big-exciting-secret catnip.

Another point for tension, there, in that being aware of danger is not synonymous with being able to act on it. If there’s no visible reason for you to be acting strange, well...you’re just going to have to sit tight and sweat, aren’t you? Some gratuitous head wiggles never hurt when setting up that type of conflict.

Have I mentioned that they look cool? Simultaneously punchy and distinctive, with a respectable amount of leeway for artists to get creative with and still coming up with something easily recognizable? And pretty easy to intuit the meaning of even without the long-winded explanations common in the days when people wrote comics with the intent that someone could come in cold on any random issue and follow along okay, I think, although the mechanic has been deeply ingrained in popular culture for so long that I can’t really say for sure.

It was also useful back in the day when no artists drew the eyes on the Spider-Man mask as emoting and were conveying the lead’s expressions entirely through body language and panel composition. If you wiggle enough squiggles, you don’t need eyebrows.

Take This Handwave and Never Ask Me a Logistical Question Again

This ability patches plot holes faster than people can pick them open AND it can act as an excuse to get any plot rolling you can think of if paired with one meddling protagonist who doesn’t know how to mind their own business. Buy it now for only $19.99 (in four installments; that’s four installments of $19.99).

Why can a teenager win a six on one fight against other superhumans? Well, the spider-sense is the ultimate edge in combat, duh.

Why can Peter websling? Why doesn’t everyone websling? Well, the spider-sense is keeping him from eating flagpole when he violently flings himself across New York in a way neither man nor spider was ever meant to move.

How are we supposed to get him involved with the plot this week???? Well, that crate FELT dangerous, so he’s going to investigate it. Oh, dip, it was full of guns and radioactive snakes! Probably shouldn’t have opened that!

Yeah, okay, but why isn’t it fixing everything, then? Isn’t it supposed to be why Peter has never accidentally unmasked in front of somebody? ('Nother entry for this section, take a shot.) That’s crazy sensitive! How does he still have any problems!? Is everything bad that’s ever happened to characters with this powerset bad writing!? --Listen, I think as people with uncanny senses that can tell us whether we are in danger with accuracy that varies from incredible to approximate (I am talking about the five senses that most people have), we should all know better than to underestimate our ability to tune them out or interpret them wrong and fuck ourselves up anyway. I honestly find this part completely realistic.

*SLAPS ROOF OF SPIDER-SENSE* YOU CAN FIT SO MANY STORIES IN THIS THING

The spider-sense is a clean branch into...whatever. There is the exact right balance of structure and wishy-washiness to build off of. A sample selection of whatevers that have been built:

It’s sci-fi and spy gadgets when Peter builds technology that can interface with it.

It’s quasi-mystical when Kaine and Annie-May get stronger versions of it that give them literal psychic visions, or when you want to get mythological and start talking about all the spider-characters being part of a grand web of fate.

Kaine loses his and it becomes symbolic of a future newly unbound by constraints, entangled thematically with the improved physical health he picked up at the same time -- a loss presented as a gain.

Peter loses his and almost dies 782 times in one afternoon because that didn’t make the people he provoked when he had it stop trying to kill him, and also because he isn’t about to start “””taking the subway’’””’ “‘’“”to work”””’’” like some kind of loser who doesn’t get a heads up when he’s about to hit a pigeon at 50mph.

Peter’s starts tuning into his wife’s anxiety and it’s a tool in a relationship study.

It starts pinging whenever Peter’s near his boss who’s secretly been replaced by a shapeshifter and he IGNORES IT because his boss is enough of an asshole that that doesn’t strike him as weird; now it’s a comedy/irony tool.

Into the Spider-Verse made it this beautiful poetic thing connecting all the spider-heroes in the multiverse and stacked up a story on it about instant connection, loss, and incredibly unlikely strangers becoming a found family. It was also aesthetic as FUCK. Remember the scene where Miles just hears barely intelligible whispering that’s all lines people say later in the film and then his own voice very clearly says “look out” and then the room explodes?? Fuck!!!!

Venom becomes immune to it after hitchhiking to Earth in Peter’s bone juice and it makes him a unique threat while telling a more-homoerotic-than-I-assume-was-originally-intended story about violation and how close relationships can be dangerous when they go sour.

It doesn’t work on people you trust for maximum soap opera energy. Love the innate tragedy of this feature coming up.

IN CONCLUSION I don’t have much patience for writers who don’t take advantage of it, never mind feel they need to write around it.

#spiderman #peter parker #spiderverse #spidey #marvel #danny phantom #one day you'll see what i'm doing with it in the project i'm collabing on w/ my brother and then you'll all be sorry and hopefully impresse #mirrorfalls #asks answered #essays

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coffeeandcalligraphy · 3 years

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A chatty writing update | novels, short fiction, etc!

Hi folks!

It’s been a while since I last wrote an update on this blog! I thought it’d be fun to go back to basics, and just talk about writing. This post chats about: new plans for Feeding Habits, my newest novel, my short story goals & growing collection, along with process reflections.

(image description: a photo of green leaves with the text “writing update” in a white font written on top. /end image description)

Post starts under the cut!

General taglist (please ask to be added or removed)

@if-one-of-us-falls, @qatarcookie, @chloeswords, @alicewestwater, @laughtracksonata, @shylawrites, @ev–writes, @jaydewritesfiction, @jennawritesstories @eowynandfaramir, @august-iswriting, @aetherwrites, @avakrahn, @maisulli

What have I been up to?

For starters, I finished my second year of my Writing undergrad last week and got two of my final grades back today (A+ baby)! For anyone who has taken online university, y’all already KNOW, but this year was so difficult. Would not recommend! Really proud of myself to have gotten through this absolute rollercoaster of a school term and am excited to get into some writing. That leads us to:

What have I been up to (writing edition)?

2021 started off so fast. By the time January hit, I was so consumed in my new semester that I did not have time to write Feeding Habits (my novel). In the first few days of the term, I managed to write between class, until I could no longer keep up! Essentially, I did not write any of that novel until exam season (last week), where I did manage to get in about 3k words in ~4 days.

Feeding Habits

I’m currently drafting what I believe will be the last chapter of this book (chapter 10: Swan Song). This chapter is so bizarre for a few reasons. It begins the book’s third part and also marks the shift back into Lonan’s head from Harrison’s. I originally thought this part would be much, much longer, with at least another five chapters to go, but quickly realized the book’s content was nearly completed. In my 4 day 3k palooza, I hit 50k in the book (the word count goal), and couldn’t see myself extending past 60k. Since then, I’ve made the loose decision to write this final chapter as a ~novella. Here are a few reasons why:

1. This chapter is structurally very strange.

I unashamedly shift from present to past to present to past past, and so much more every 12 words. I mapped out the timeline on a sheet of paper, and there were over 20 shifts in scenes (the chapter is only about 4400 words at the moment). The fictive past is incredibly important to this chapter, more important than the present, and I thought it would make more sense to not break randomly for a chapter so I could upkeep the consistent inconsistency of the chapter.

2. The chapter is very abstract

This stems from the structural changes, but there are paragraphs in this chapter of the fictive present that are loosely based in reality. They’re more poems than they are factual paragraphs, and keeping them all contained in one place (so a mega chapter/ novella) would reduce the most confusion!

3. There’s not much left to cover

Like I said above, Feeding Habits is on its last leg, lol! I know exactly where the book needs to end up, which is very, very soon from where I’m currently at on the timeline. Swan Song should cover what 2-4 chapters would cover in terms of arcs.

Feeding Habits and I have a really weird relationship, tbh! When I realized a few weeks ago that it’d been over a year since I started the book, I realized I just needed to finish it. Not that I want to rush (because I’ve taken longer than a year to write a book in the past), but that in order to move onto another project, I’d like to put this one behind first. This book has been the hardest thing I’ve ever written, and has reminded me there’s always a time to let go. This sort of scrounges up a conversation about letting this entire series go, which is certainly something I’ve been contemplating doing soon(ish). If this spinoff series gets a third book, that may or may not be the last Fostered book for a very long time (or ever)! There are many complex reasons to move on, but the main one is that I have other projects I’d like to focus on. This is not a definitive decision, but something I’ve certainly been thinking about!

Here are a few excerpts I wrote recently:

(TW: death, gore)

Dying feels like being a trout dangled out of water. Clinging to a hook. Mouth open. Scales iridescent in a final death cry. It’s like blood spurting up the knuckles, drowning out the flesh. It’s that moment on the long fall down when the clouds cup the body. Easy drifting. The sound a skull makes when it cracks is really just the afterthought.

(TW: death, gore)

Kill shot. Death blow. Coup de grace. Right in the heart. He feels it. The blood swelling, slicking his palms. He can do it. Reach into the cavity. Feel for the ribs. Part each bone. Then cup the humming heart. Stay there. Right. It’s never been easier.

Look at this PURE moment of Lonan holding a baby I CANNOT:

The grocery store was a fifteen-minute walk away. With Olivia clinging to his shoulder, Lonan was acutely aware that she could feel his heartbeat. Open valve. Close. Repeat. Hers pulsed right above his, a miniature drumming. The sky had bruised purple, misted with clouds. The evening air nipped his cheeks, so he made sure Olivia was securely fastened between him and his jacket. With wide eyes, she absorbed the drowsy suburbia, all its family cars pulling into driveways, all its couples heading back home after a sunset walk. When Lonan passed a young boy walking two golden retrievers, Olivia giggled, and didn’t stop, even after he’d spent fifty dollars on groceries and nearly the rest on a red Corolla marked with a MUST GO NOW sign outside a convenience store.

Let’s move on!

Mandy and Cora

I said I wouldn’t talk too much about this project, but I just love it so much?? I wanted to share my SUPER early thoughts on drafting a novel, especially one that is SO different from what I’ve been writing recently. I talked about this before in THIS post, but the summary about this project is that it’s a YA contemporary novel! Can’t believe I’m writing YA again, it’s been so long, but I also think it’s going so well. Everything I’ve learned as a literary fiction writer has been a fantastic primer for transferring back to the genre. Admittedly, I have not written much, but I’m having a lot of fun diving back into a lighter project. This is the summary:

Cora and Mandy are identical twins who’ve always done everything together. But when Mandy decides to go to university out of province after graduation and Cora doesn’t, Cora takes this as an opportunity to “test run” life apart from her sister for the first time by spending the summer at her aunt’s house across the country.

I have come up with a few ~things since I last talked about this project, mostly how I’d like to structure it. As of now, I’d like the book to be structured super loosely. I’m really pulling on a lot of inspo from “We Are Okay” by Nina LaCour (which is SO good), particularly how “nothing happens-y” that book is. This project (which I still need a title for!!) will be structured in short chapters that cover something Cora does on her own for the first time (without Mandy). For example, a few ideas are “Flight”, “Lunch”, and “Groceries”. “Flight” is the first “chapter” (they’re really kind of vignettes) where Cora flies to her aunt’s house. I still can’t determine if this book will take place in Canada. On one hand, I feel like there will be a wider audience if it takes place in the US (is that just an assumption??? maybe?? someone let me know!), but also: don’t really care too much about an audience at the moment! It could also take place in Canada (So Ontario and British Columbia). But if it does take place in the US, I think it may take place in NYC and San Francisco. The problem is: I really don’t like researching lol, and while I’ve been to NYC many times, I will definitely write it wrong! Does this really matter on a first draft?? absolutely not lol, but of course I am already overthinking!

But back to structure: I am looking forward to seeing what this looser structure will do. This is a story that is solely around one half of a set of twins learning to be her own person (and ultimately that she doesn’t have to completely forget her sister in order to do that), and as a twin who KNOWS this feeling, I think this structure of her doing things for the first time is SUPER relatable.

I was worried it might sound silly/worrying to others who are not twins that Cora hadn’t done things like “lunch” or “groceries” on her own, but I feel this so much as an identical twin myself! Not that she hasn’t done anything at all by herself, but as a twin, when you do something without your twin for the first few times, at least in my experience, you notice. If any twins are reading this--weigh in!

This story is the most personal thing I’ve ever written. It definitely is an OwnVoices book! Usually, I avoid details that are remotely similar to me because they make me uncomfortable haha, but with this book, it’s all me, lol! The characters are all Guyanese, which is SO fun because I’ve been planning what they eat (my fellow Caribbean peeps know: the FOOD!), which is so fun (yes they have pumpkin and shrimp, yes they have roti, yes they have pera, yes they have mithai). Every time I’ve gone to dabble at this book, or even think about it, I get incredibly emotional for this reason? I don’t exactly know why. I think this is a story I just so want to tell, with the culture I love SO much that I definitely struggled to love as a child. This is reclamation bitchessss!

Not going to lie tho: the prospect of writing ~a book~ is kind of freaky! I’m going to make the minimum word count for this book pretty short (50k) and see where it goes from there. I think I will focus on this project this summer! Originally I was going to write a literary novel this summer, but I think this one’s calling my name!

Here’s a pretty rough excerpt:

Try. I remind myself that’s what I’m doing after the flight attendant fills me a disposable cup of Coca Cola and all I can think of is Mandy and I shoving Mentos into a bottle of the stuff when we were twelve. Just me, wedged in the middle seat between an exchange student heading out for summer break and a middle-aged woman sipping a cocktail, thinking of Mandy and I bursting whole oranges in a blender when we were bored one Winter break as the plane dips through a wave of turbulence. Mandy and I dying our hair neon green with highlighters (didn’t work—our hair is too dark) as the plane lands on the tarmac. Mandy and I arguing so loud last month, we both lost our voices as I lug my carry-on out of the overhead compartment and shuffle off the plane and through the airport, searching for Aunt Vel.

Short Fiction

I’ve written so much short fiction this year! I have a goal to write a short story a month (they can range in length, as long as 1 is “complete”), so my short story brain has seriously been soaking it all up lately. Let’s chat my month to month breakdown so far:

January:

I wrote four stories in January! The first is a flash fiction piece called “Shark Swimming” that follows a young woman who attends a shark swimming class after breaking up with her girlfriend. I wrote this story for a “test” workshop for my fiction class, and it was based off the prompt “think about something you’re afraid to do and make the character do that thing”. I’m not particularly afraid of sharks, but had been wanting to use the title “Shark Swimming” for AGES (literally since 2018).

This story is one of my favourites. It’s only about 900 words, but I think there’s something profound in how mundanely specific it is. The entire story doesn’t even see the narrator swim with sharks once; it actually takes place fully in the sanctuary’s lobby. But I really love this narrator. This is the first story I’ve written in second person in a while, though I felt really connected to the unnamed narrator. She struggles with accepting that she truly is a “boring” person, and there’s something about the final image that really gets me!

I’ve been submitting this around, though it’s been rejected a handful of times. Hoping I can secure it at a magazine one day because I really love it!

The second story is “Joanne, I’ll Pray for You” which is actually a rewrite of one of my very first short stories (the first story I did not write for a class haha), “NYC in Your Apartment”. I LOVE this rewrite a lot, and also learned the original is not a very good short story! Revising this story taught me just how much I’ve learned in the 2 years I’ve been writing short fiction. Seeing the 2019 version versus the 2021 version side by side is fascinating because I essentially “gutted’ the 2019 version of its beginning and end until all that was left was the middle of the story (aka the actual story). AKA: this is the only story I’ve ever written with a hopeful ending and I cut out all the happy bits lol I am SO sorry (that arc is more for a novel or novella). That’s how this went from a 5k word story to an 1800 word story (my Submittable thanks me for this lol). A lot of details and scenes I included were more pertinent to a 3 act structure/novel, which of course short stories don’t often have because of their brevity. I love rambling about writing theory, and seeing that actually pay off is so fascinating!

(TW: trauma)

Like the original, this story follows Joanne, a woman in her early twenties, who spontaneously breaks up with her boyfriend. She claims the poltergeist haunting her drove her to this decision. The original draft focused a lot more on the traumatic events Joanne survives, but this draft really loosens them up. It focuses less so on the events themselves, and more on how Joanne’s life is affected. I found the details of these events were less important, and even sort of contradicted Joanne’s insistence she is being haunted. Instead, the poltergeist really takes more precedence in the new draft as a force Joanne doesn’t understand. That ambiguity, I think, is what the story truly needed.

I also centralized Joanne’s relationship with her boyfriend, Julian, here. Now don’t get me wrong, I really didn’t add anything to this draft. It was a matter of trimming the fat around it to leave the lean “meat” in the centre. But by removing that fat, I was able to emphasize what was most important here, and that was her relationship. Julian always played a really big role in the original draft, but I feel like his role as both a friend and partner to Joanne is much more emphasized since this draft literally is only two scenes now. Because there is less, there is more room for Joanne to reflect, which I’m happy about!

A final change I made was the setting and therefore the title. The original, which was “NYC in Your Apartment,” I couldn’t keep because I shifted the setting to Toronto (this is how I originally saw it, but in 2019 I just?? couldn’t?? write?? canlit??), and “Toronto in Your Apartment” sounded sort of gross LOL. The new title comes from a line in the story which I think is more relevant to the themes!

The next short story I wrote in January was “How to Spell Alpaca.” This one is super fun because I wrote it SO fast (in about 15 minutes or so). THIS is the writing update if you’re interested in learning more. I talked extensively about this one in that update, but some developments are that I dove into an edit a few weeks ago to really understand the core of the story. I’m still not quite there (this is just an intuitive feeling; I know not everything has “clicked), but I am really intrigued by the two mothers in the story, the narrator, and her newfound acquaintance, Violet. Both really struggle to understand their place as mothers (the narrator even declares she isn’t a mother anymore). The narrator, who is in her 50s, sees herself in Violet, who is much younger (~20s), and so she views Violet’s relationship with her daughter in a cautionary, yet mournful way, like she can see it will end up like her own relationship with her daughter, despite wanting the opposite. This is a really subtle story. I feel like if you blink, you’ll miss the message. But I think it’s compelling for that reason. It’s really a portrait of parenting and how to grapple with mistakes you may make that inevitably affect your children. Wow just unlocked the theme writing this lol.

The final story I wrote in January is “The Party,” which may be in my top 3 faves I’ve ever written. This story follows Aida, a recent divorcee in her ~40s. The day her divorce turns official, she moves into a new house and receives a party invitation addressed to the previous homeowner, yet RSVP’s anyway. At this party, she’s hoping to find some sense of noticeability, having struggled with being nondescript her whole life. Things seem quite normal at the party, until it gets bizarre.

I LOVE this story, y’all. Like “How to Spell Alpaca” it really delves into motherhood. Aida, our narrator, is incredibly hurt after her divorce. She now lives farther from her children she struggled to feel connected to in the first place, and doesn’t really know how to reignite her life. This party is a means to do that. This is the first story I’ve written that contains a “twist” which is strange because I really prefer stories that give us as much info as possible upfront, but yes, this one sort of twists.

February

I wrote one story in February, and that was “Protect the Young.” This title is SO changing when I think of a new one because it’s thematically incorrect, haha, but this story follows a woman in her late 40s whose daughter, Lindy, announces she is married the same day all their backyard chickens turn up dead. The discovery of dead chickens prompts our narrator to recall her ex-husband’s murder and the role her daughter may have played in his death.

I love this story so much! I think this would make a great closing for my short story collection. It just has that vibe! I wrote this for my second fiction workshop. I thought I had to hand in the story a week earlier than I had to, so I panicked and wrote this in one sitting! Little did I know, I did not need to do that lol but I’m very happy because this story is so fun. We get to learn more about Arnold (her ex), his relationship with Lindy, and how that translates to Lindy’s relationship with her new husband, Malcolm. I LOVE true crime (I listen to about 3-4 hours of case coverage daily), and this is my first “true crime” story. Because of that, I’m very sus of a few details that probably wouldn’t slide in actual investigatory work, so I’ll also be working on that in a revision. My professor also gave me a great suggestion that may alter the story’s structure a bit, though I look forward to toggling with it in the future.

March

In March, I was really on a Criminal Minds kick lol. I’ve been watching this show since I was seven (oops), and dove into a rewatch since it hit Disney+! This story, “Where to Run When the Lamb Roars,” is very clearly Rachel watching 5 episodes of CM a day. Oops! We follow 14-year-old Astrid as she and her older half brother kidnap a young girl to sacrifice for their yearly ritual.

I knew a few things going into this story, but the main thing was that I did NOT want to show any details of a potential murder (if one even occurs). I really wanted to keep all of those elements off the page because this story is not about those events, but about Astrid’s relationship with her brother. They are a murderous duo, with Astrid actually being the dominant partner. I wanted to explore that. I knew her brother, Fox, was more of a submissive partner in their team, even when he used to do this same thing with his father when he was much younger (chilling!), and so it was a task to explore how this young girl’s desire for violence works. The end actually comes right before the story starts, one could say, but I like it for this reason. It really made me contemplate the story by the time I finished it, and helped me examine what it really was about versus what it appeared to be about.

April

(TW: sexual content, non explicit)

I was so busy this month! Who knows if I’ll write a story last minute, but I did write one story this month called “Five Times Fast.” I wrote this during a “writing sprint” that was being hosted at a flash fiction workshop I recently took with one of my favourite writers ever, K-Ming Chang. I learned so much from this class, and am so happy I came out of it with a draft! This story is just over 300 words, so the shortest flash I’ve ever written, but I’m really happy with it. It was based off the prompt “describe the last time you or your character was naked.” In this case, the narrator has a “friends with benefits” relationship with Ricky who works at a laundromat. This story highlights a moment in this relationship (and also Ricky’s goofy personality lol). I really like it! Hopefully I’ll submit it to some magazines soon.

My short story collection

Very briefly I wanted to touch on my short story collection which I’ve titled “She is Also Dead.” I’ve been meaning to make a blog post on this, so look out for that in the coming months, but this collection is already at around 35k words (about 14 stories so far). The collection also surprisingly has a solid amount of flash fiction which is kind of fun! There’s definitely a range here, which is what I personally love in short story collections.

I feel very professional now that I have a ~collection chart. This is her:

(image description: A chart with the title “She is Also Dead.” It is broken into four columns: Story, Status, Word Count, and Published. Entry 1 - Story: Slaughter the Animal. Status: Revisions, Word Count, 3982, Published: N/A. Entry 2 - Story: Joanne, I’ll Pray for You, Status: Polished, Word Count: 1809, Published: N/A. Entry 3 - Story: Primary Organs, Status: Published, Word Count: 2342, Published: The Malahat Review. Entry 4 - Story: Faberge, Status, Polished, Word Count: 619, Published: N/A. Entry 5 - Story: The Wolf-Antelope Will Not Come for Us, Status, Polished, Word Count: 1556, Published: filling Station (forthcoming). Entry 6 - Story: How to Spell Alpaca, Status: revisions, Word Count: 1327, Published: N/A. Entry 7 - Story: Blink Twice for Final Judgement, Status: Polished, Word Count: 6572, Published: N/A. Entry 8 - Story: The Species is Dead, Status: Published, Word Count: 1208, Published: Minola Review. Entry 9 - Story: Shark Swimming, Status: Polished, Word Count: 907, Published: N/A. Entry 10 - Story: The Party, Status, Polished, Word Count 2339, Published: N/A. Entry 11 - Story: Fig, Status: Polished, Word Counter: 947, Published: N/A. Entry 12 - Story: Protect the Young, Status: Revisions, Word Count: 4128, Published: N/A. Entry 13 - Story: Where to Run When the Lamb Roars, Status: Revisions, Word Count: 2174, Published: N/A. Entry 14 - Story: Phantom Limbs, Status: Revisions, Word Count: 4844, Published: N/A.) /end image description.

This order is DEFINITELY not permanent (at this point whenever I write a story, I just fit it randomly into this chart lol), and some of the info is outdated (for example, Slaughter the Animal is now polished!!! thank god!!!). But just an idea of what I’m thinking of including.

This is the summary so far:

In SHE IS ALSO DEAD, characters are pushed to act on their gravest impulses. A small town turns murderous when their local invasive species, the Janices, begin dying. A child struggles to understand her mother’s suicide. A college dropout who insists she’s being haunted by a poltergeist unexpectedly breaks up with her boyfriend. A mother acknowledges her daughter’s murderous tendencies after her backyard chickens mysteriously die. A young girl caters the funeral of a girl rumored to be killed by a wolf-antelope. A newly-divorced mother RSVP’s to a bizarre party she was not invited to, and a murderous brother and sister upkeep their yearly tradition of abducting a young girl. These stories follow characters who navigate death, violent desires, womanhood, and loss, both self-imposed and otherwise.

This is also so subject to change as I may pull and add stories to the collection!

I think I’m going to leave this update here for now! I’ve written TONS of poetry too, but I honestly ~hate my poetry right now lol, so! Hope you enjoyed this chill rambly update. Hope writing has going well for you all! All the best!

--Rachel

#writing #writeblr #writerblr #amwriting #writingupdates

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