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#but I will admit 2018 did sort of lead me to having a change of heart w my design. just a little. just a teensy bit. kinda. sort of?
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WOULD YOU GUYS LIKE TO SEE MY FUGLY UGLY ASS ALLEGORY OF THE CAVE X FAHRENHEIT 451 CROSSOVER DRAWING THAT I WAS FORCED TO DO FOR SCHOOL….. ITS SO UGLY AND MONTAG IS
WHITE.
AND THE HOUNDS ARE DISGUSTING THE COLORING IS SO SHITTY AND MILDRED …. Well ok she looks alright kindof but the COLORING ….. SKETCH WAS BETTER but do you guys. Do you still want to see it…….,,,,,,
ALSO NO OFFENSE TO WHITE PEOPLE PLEASE I LOVE YOU GUYS 🫶😁👍 within reason
#like ok maybe it isn’t. THAT bad#NO NO I TAKE THAT BACK I JUST LOOKED AT IT RIGHT NOW AND THE COMPOSITION IS ALL FUCKING VOER THE PLACE#IT. IT IS. THAT BAD#IF YOU GUYS SAY YESS YOULL SEE#ok but nasty bad art aside I know some of you will be asking why white Montag is such a bad thing and#there isn’t anything wrong with it!!! it’s just that for me personally#after I did a bit more thinking I was. physically incapable of perceiving Montag as anything other than POC/nonwhite#so when I look back at my old f451 art and stare into the eyes of a pale skittish twink it just#it doesn’t click. like that isn’t MY Montag if ykwim#now trembling BROWN skittish twink. that’s a different story#AGAIN I DONT have any issues with ppl making their own versions white I just think that . for me specifically. he looked a bit funny#a little off. a bit too crackerish for my liking#where is bros melanin 😭#I’m complaining right now but if I wanted to I could just… go in and try and make the skin tone darker#I might do that depending on how tired I feel after doomscrolling#also if it matters even though I have read the book over at least 8 times now not once have I touched either of the movies.#and it will STAY THAT WAY. until I completely log my notes for the book#then I can move on to the movies 🥰#but I will admit 2018 did sort of lead me to having a change of heart w my design. just a little. just a teensy bit. kinda. sort of?#actually not really now that I think about it#I have my own reasons.#TOO MANY WHITE PEOPLE MY EYES THEY BURN AAAYHHHHH MY EYES OW OW OW OWIEEEE#my Beatty design was so white that my eyes developed stage 4 cataracts#I needed a palate cleanser that WASNT Millie… oh god my Millie design…#she was white there too. terrible#it’s okay… 💔 I’ve since learned and moved on#ARGH GUYS I DONT HATE WHITE PEOPLE I JUST THINK THAT MORE SKIN COLOR VARIATIONS WOULD E NICE
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sitp-recs · 1 year
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do you have any recs where draco is absolutely smitten with harry? i love your blog, thank you for doing an incredible job! <3
Thank you! I do have a few recs with smitten Draco, hope you enjoy:
Two Starts, One Finish by @lqtraintracks (2021, E, 5.4k)
I feel him before I see him. Nobody stands this close to me while I’m playing, and I’m about to turn to tell him so when he says, “You’re a tough bloke to track down,” and then leans against my baby grand.
Lovesick by @corvuscrowned (2022, T, 7.6k)
People keep spiking Auror Harry Potter with love potions. Healer Draco Malfoy keeps having to pick up the pieces.
And Back Again (Where You Belong) by eidheann (2014, E, 16k)
He thought back on their previous handshakes, and smiled faintly at the fact they always seemed to mean so much more to him than they did to Potter.
Whoo Knew? by oceaxe (2016, E, 18k)
Despite having had a crush on his Auror partner for years, Draco's been biding his time and waiting for the perfect opportunity to make his case. But when Harry subscribes to a new wizarding personals service, Draco gets a wake-up call.
The Courting by the Pureblood Who Only Has Five Milligrams of Romantic Intelligence and Thinks He’s Real Smooth by Cibee (2020, T, 19k)
Draco could grab Potter and shove him into a stall before proceeding to suck his soul out of his dick, but secretly, deep down, in the part of Draco that he will never admit to anyone, he is (everyone pauses to shudder) a romantic. Potter is not someone Draco wants a one-off with. Potter is — Draco’s beloved!
Watch The Castles Burn by @moonflower-rose (2021, E, 21k)
Draco Malfoy knows better than to get involved with Harry Potter. If only someone would have reminded him of that six months sooner, then maybe he wouldn't be in quite such a large mess.
Waiting By An Open Door by Femme and noeon (2017, E, 29k)
Draco starts following Potterwatch secretly during the War. He wishes Potter would come save him too. But that sort of thing only happens in fairy tales, and Malfoys don't get fairy tale endings, do they?
The Boy Who Only Lived Twice by lettered (2012, E, 54k)
Harry Potter is an Unspeakable. Draco Malfoy is the wizard who shagged him. Adventure! Intrigue! Secret identities, celebrities, spies! It's all right here, folks.
Finely Drawn Lines by @the-sinking-ship (2022, E, 61k)
Draco doesn’t consider himself an artist (though the dozens of sketchbooks lining his shelves might suggest differently). Yet ever since Potter returned to Hogwarts, accepting a teaching position alongside Draco, his drawings have taken on a rather singular focus.
Tea and No Sympathy by who_la_hoop (2014, E, 70k)
It's Potter's fault, of course, that Draco finds himself trapped in the same twenty-four-hour period, repeating itself over and over again.
The Light More Beautiful by firethesound (2014, E, 81k)
Thirteen years after Draco accepts Potter's help escaping the horror of his sixth year, he returns to England where he makes the unfortunate discovery that Potter is still as obnoxious as ever. And worse, more than a decade overseas hasn't been enough to dim Draco's obsession with him.
Soup-pocalypse and The Great Curry Cataclysm by SquadOfCats (2018, E, 104k)
Eleven years after the war, Draco Malfoy leads a quiet, boring, and perfectly respectable life, thanks very much. Or, at least he does, until a sudden and very unexpected veela awakening causes him to throw soup all over Harry Potter in the middle of the Ministry cafeteria.
Written on the Heart by who_la_hoop (2016, E, 113k)
Unnerved by the attention he’s attracting from everyone – the Slytherins are the least of it, to be fair – and struggling with a raft of changes to Hogwarts itself, Harry wishes he could be happy that one constant remains: Draco Malfoy really fucking hates him.
By the Grace by lettered (2020, T, 140k)
Harry is an Auror instructor. Malfoy wants to be an Auror.
Twist of Fate by Oakstone730 (2011, T, 300k)
Draco asks Harry to help him beat the Imperius curse during 4th year. The lessons turn into more than either expected. A story of redemption and forgiveness. Pairings: HP/DM (Slash) Timeframe: 1994-2002 Goblet to 4 yrs post-DH EWE Rating T for language, high angst, content.
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bmaxwell · 1 year
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Yakuza: Like a Dragon
I’ve loved turn-based RPG’s for most of my life. I’ve loved Yakuza since 2018. I’ll admit I was a little apprehensive when Ryu ga Gotoku announced that the new Yakuza title would be an RPG. Yakuza’s combat is so fun and fluid and stylish, what will it be like to have turn-based combat out in the city streets? And there’s a new protagonist? I can understand how longtime fans would be turned away; this is a LOT of changes all at once. 
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Like a Dragon could have been a major setback for the series, but instead it was a breath of fresh air. I love to see established franchises take risks and get weird with it. After 7 (SEVEN) mainline Yakuza games, all crime dramas starring Kiryu Kazuma and featuring real-time beat ‘em up combat, Yakuza: Like a Dragon would star a new protagonist in Ichiban Kasuga and a turn-based JRPG combat system. 
First of all, I LOVE Kiryu and Majima. They’re some of my favorite characters in video games. Kiryu is as strong as an ox and nearly as smart. He’s stoic and obtuse but has a heart of gold. He is the perfect straight man to play alongside both the melodrama of the main story and the batshittery of the side stories. He’s tired and vaguely annoyed, but he wants to help everyone - even the freaks and weirdos. He’s also an excellent foil for Goro Majima’s manic shenanigans. It’s a formula that worked, and there was no reason to change it up, but I’m glad they did. 
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Years ago Persona 3 gave me what I never knew I wanted: a turn-based RPG set in the modern day. With Yakuza LAD, this happened again - this time, a modern day turn-based RPG with actual adults. I’ve never thought about it much, but nearly every RPG I’ve played has protagonists that are teens or young adults. It’s not inherently a bad thing, it’s just been so omnipresent that I became blind to it. 
With Like a Dragon, you have a protagonist and party members with some years behind them, and they have been through Some Shit. It all starts with new protagonist Ichiban, a kid who is rescued by the leader of a smalltime Yakuza boss and swears his allegiance to the family. This ends with him taking the fall for someone in the family and going to prison for 18 years. His loyalty is unwavering, and upon his release from prison he seeks out the boss of the family he serves and is promptly betrayed. 
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I won’t spoil the details of the story here, but let it suffice to say that it’s full of the sort of melodramatic, over the top plot twists that the series is known for. It did not disappoint me one bit. Likewise, the side stories are made up of the weird, off-the-wall nonsense I’ve come to expect from the series. It also has the huge variety in minigames fans have come to expect: there’s karaoke, a business management sim, kart racing, and lots more. 
The charisma of Ichiban as the lead in this game cannot be overstated. He’s got Kiryu’s heart of gold, but that stoicism is replaced with hotheaded energy. This makes him a terrific anime protagonist, always rushing headfirst into danger with the best of intentions. The game does have its dark moments, and our happy-go-lucky protagonist does lose his way. The game handles this beautifully. Silly doesn’t have to be the opposite of serious always. And make no mistake, Like a Dragon is silly.
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The entire premise feels like something that someone like...well, someone like me would have dreamed up on a late-night bender. Ichiban Kasuga is a huge fan of the Dragon Quest series. He loves that old Japanese RPG series so much that he sees the world in those terms. That’s a good enough reason to have turn-based combat in this game, right? It’s good enough for me. The game also has job classes like Chef, Barmaid, Musician, and uh, Homeless Guy. More about that last one in a moment. You change job classes by visiting the city’s talent agency. You can do RPG-style summons with your cell phone. It’s all the best kind of dumb.
My only real beef with the game is how it treats homelessness, which is inconsistent. Your first party member is a homeless man, and the game goes out of its way to treat the homeless as human beings and not as a punchline, or a scourge, or an embarrassment. Well, the game’s story does that. It does a wonderful job of it. The combat mechanics however, let your homeless guy call down pigeons, or breathe stinky breath onto an enemy, or pull out a hunk of cardboard and fall asleep on the spot. It’s just a weird clash with the rest of the game’s writing. 
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It’s a small wart on an otherwise perfect package. The studio took a chance and got the best possible outcome. It reminds me of the old Super Mario RPG from the SNES days. This shouldn’t work, but it fucking does. I came late to the Yakuza series, 2017′s Yakuza 0 was my first brush with the series. Like a Dragon feels like it’s mine in a way the rest of the series doesn’t. The game is fun to play, it’s smart, it’s funny, it’s got drama and - most importantly - it has heart. Where Grand Theft Auto is smug and jaded, Yakuza feels earnest and genuine. Every character has a backstory, and I ended up loving this motley crew of weirdoes and castoffs. I can’t wait to play the next one. 
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got-svt · 3 years
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the road not taken
summary: you live in la, he lives in seoul. you don’t think it’s ever going to work out, but he believes otherwise. especially when every year on the holidays, both of you rediscover that your hearts are still in chicago. aka the conversations that had you rethinking your relationship.   pairing: johnny suh x reader genre: angst, friends with benefits (but only on the holidays lmao — implied sex, so no actual smut), some fluff at the end kinda word count: 2637
part of my tales from the lakes series inspired by taylor swift’s ‘tis the damn season
___
Truth be told, despite the fact that you were neighbors and your parents were quite close with his, you didn’t know much about Johnny in the years you spent growing up in the suburbs of Chicago. Sure, you caught glimpses of him from your bedroom practicing whatever song or dance routine he felt like he needed to improve on. More often than not, you’d find yourself laughing as he accidentally bumped into a shelf or slip and fall over on the floor. And he would be lying if he said he hadn’t taken a peek out his window to watch you running lines, a script in you hand as you paced around the room, a smile creeping on his face as he watches you shake your head every time you forget a line. In a way, you both formed some sort of a relationship as you silently cheered the other on in whatever endeavor you put your minds to.
He wanted you to succeed just as much as you wanted him to succeed. 
But when he moved to Korea to pursue a career as an idol, and you to LA for acting, there were little to no opportunities to actually begin a proper conversation. 
It wasn’t until in December of 2017, when both of your parents decided to have a joint Christmas dinner in celebration of both their children coming home for the holidays for the first time in years. They thought it was time for you two to meet, having settled in your respective career paths. Maybe they also wanted to see how the two of you would get along, but they would never admit it even if you ask. 
“I don’t think we’ve ever formally met.” He told you once he entered your parents’ house and offering a hand for you to shake, “I’m Johnny.”
“Yn.” You replied, taking his hand in yours, “And, trust me, I know exactly who you are.”
He raised an eyebrow at your statement as he let go of your hand, you shivered at the immediate loss of contact, your hand immediately growing colder at the absence of his. 
“NCT?” You asked tentatively, testing the waters of what could possibly be an exciting new friendship.  
“Ah yeah,” he sheepishly smiled, reaching a hand to scratch the back of his neck, “I guess there’s no use in pretending I don’t know who you are either.”
It was now your turn to raise an eyebrow at him, crossing your arms in front of your chest, “Hmmm?”
“I’ve seen pretty much every show you’ve ever been on.” Johnny clarified, but his tone suggested a bit of embarrassment on his part, “The other members don’t believe me when I tell them I practically grew up next to you.”
“I guess I could say the same.” You replied with a shrug, but you offered him a reassuring smile “Nobody really believes me when I tell them a Kpop star used to be my neighbor.” 
“Perhaps we need better friends then.” He joked, but your gaze was fixated on the way the curve of his lips moved with each word that left his mouth. Johnny had always been attractive, whether it be through your bedroom window or your computer screen. But now here he stood, in front of you, bare faced in black jeans and a gray sweatshirt and somehow he had never looked more alluring. 
Johnny noticed you watching him, but he never called you out on it. Maybe because he was too busy thinking about how soft your hand was when he shook it, imagining how it must feel running over his skin. Or how your hair seemed fall perfectly, framing your face in a way that was enticing him for reasons he couldn’t exactly figure out. 
“Care for a drink?” You asked, breaking the brief period of tense silence that had fallen between the two of you, leading him to the makeshift bar your parents had near the kitchen. 
He smirked, placing his hands inside the pockets of his jeans, “I thought you’d never ask.”
And maybe it was because of both of your parents deciding to turn in early and the three bottles of wine that was shared between the two of you that had you pinned against the wall of your childhood bedroom, quietly giggling into his lips as he went in for another kiss. He drunkenly mumbled words that you couldn’t quite understand, but he was telling you to keep quiet. You knew you should have stopped him the second planted his lips onto yours, and he knew he should’ve pulled away when you started taking off his shirt. Maybe then you wouldn’t have woken uncomfortably cuddled up on your twin-sized bed and sneaking him out of the house before your parents could wake up. 
But both of you enjoyed the way your bodies seemed to be made just for the other too much to stop, and thus, a tradition of sorts was formed. 
2018. 
One particular night the following year had you driving around the city, Johnny had one hand on the steering wheel while the other held yours, his thumb rubbing comforting circles on the back of your hand. But it did everything but comfort you or himself. Since the previous year, you and Johnny grew much closer than either have you had anticipated. You thought it would all end after that first night or maybe when you flew back to LA, and him back to Seoul. But it had been seemingly impossible to move away from whatever relationship that began to form, as both of you sacrificed nights of well warranted sleep to call or text the other, soon enough both of you were in too deep to easily get out. 
“Penny for your thoughts?” You asked, taking note of how the streetlights perfectly illuminated his face. He had been unusually quiet and you were growing tired of the Christmas songs that had been blasting on every radio station for the past few hours. 
“It’s nothing.” He sighed as he turned to an unfamiliar street, you knew better than to believe that it was truly nothing. But you also knew him well enough to not to push it. 
“Where are we going then?”
Johnny replied with a shrug, continuing down the foreign path, he knew neither of you had been to this particular part of town but at that point he’d do anything to even remotely extend the time you spent together. 
“And if we get lost?” You asked, your voice almost challenging him to turn back, but he didn’t give in. 
“Then we get lost.” He replied without missing a single beat, the corners of his mouth twitching upwards to form a smile, “You know, the road not taken tend to be the most exciting.”
“Oh wow,” You let out a laugh, and Johnny feels his heart skip the slightest of beats, “and where did that immensely profound quote come from?”
“My brilliant mind.” He grinned, briefly turning to face you. 
Johnny wished he had a camera to capture the absolute spectacle that was you. How you stared out the window, at the unfamiliar road, eyes alive with a certain curiosity. Your finger drawing little stars on the car window, pouting when it doesn’t quite look the way you wanted it to. It was at that moment he knew, you were all he wanted. 
“What are we?” He asked, causing you to jump a little in your seat, Johnny had never brought up the nature of your relationship before. 
“Friends?” You said, at an attempt to offer him an answer, but even you sounded unsure at your response which made Johnny grow hopeful. 
“Yn, friends don’t kiss.” Johnny responded, grateful that he had to keep his eyes on the road. He didn’t need you seeing right through his pretend confidence, “They sure as hell don’t sleep together”
“Sure, they do.” You joked in an attempt to lighten the mood, maybe even change the topic to something—anything— else, “I do it all the time.”
“Well, acting is different.” He let out a scoff, annoyed at the thought of you not taking the conversation seriously,  “You know what I meant.”
“I like where we are now. It’s easy.” You explained, wanting to make him understand where you were coming from, “Relationships are messy, given the industries we are in. There’s no pressure with this. With you and me.”
“But what if I wanted something more—”
“It’s never going to work.” You cut him off before he could even make his case, before he could ask you to be his. 
“Now, why do you say that?” There was a slight tremble in his voice, and you had never heard him sound so nervous, scared even. The feeling of guilt slowly crept up your system, but you shook it away before it even had the chance to fully settle in. 
“Time, distance, to begin with. Not to mention both of our very busy careers.” 
“Then I guess this is good enough for me.”
For now, he added in his head, determined to make you see otherwise. 
You smiled at him, glad to have the conversation over with and thinking that this would be the last time you’ll ever speak about it. 
2019.
Johnny wanted to prove you wrong, show you that both of you could in fact make it work. You just needed to try. Which came with more calls and texts than normal as you got to know each other more than you already did, flowers sent to you on your birthday, several little gifts every now and then, and even slowly introducing you to the other members of NCT. His efforts did not go unnoticed, but it definitely left you more confused. 
When both of you went home for the holidays that particular year, you knew something had changed. Johnny was more reserved than usual, and you would usually have to be the one to initiate sleeping together. 
“Don’t you ever get tired of doing this?” He asked, turning to face you, as you lied side-by-side on his childhood bed. 
“Doing what?” You asked, feigning confusion, preparing yourself for the inevitable conversation you had been dreading for the past few months.
“Don’t pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about.” His voice was calm, but it chilled you to the core. 
“What do you want me to say, Johnny?” You snapped, the tone in your voice letting him know how exasperated you were as you shut your eyes, “That I like you? That I want to be with you?”
“Don’t you?”
You let out a sigh, still keeping your eyes shut. You didn’t want to look at him, he’d know if you were lying. You didn’t know if you had it in you to lie. Instead, you focused on the sound of his breathing, steady and almost reassuring. You imagined the rise and fall of his bare chest, covered by the thick white blanket. 
Johnny knew to drop the subject when you didn’t even make an attempt to answer his question, he probably didn’t want to know the answer anyways. But Johnny knew he loved you, and part of him knew you loved him back. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t have let this little charade go on for as long as it did. You just needed time. And he was more than willing to give it to you. 
“A year.”
Your eyes opened at his words, your head turned to face him,  “What?”
“I’m giving you a year.”
You didn’t have to ask again. You knew exactly what he meant, what he wanted. He wanted an answer. 
“Is this an ultimatum?”
He takes your hands in his, “It’s me letting you know that I’m serious about wanting to be with you.”
“Johnny—”
He kisses the side of your head before you could even finish your sentence, an action so tender that it caused you to forget every single coherent thought of protest. 
“Hey, you don’t have to answer me now. Just think about it. Please?”
“I will.” 
And with those two words, you stood and gathered your clothes off the floor and put them back on. He gave you a small nod as you turned to leave his room, going back into the freezing cold and leaving the warmest bed you had ever known. 
2020.
Neither of you could come home to Chicago that year. 
And so you both had to settle for a reunion through a screen. You wished that circumstances were different, but at the same time you were grateful that you didn’t have to give him an answer in person. Mainly because you didn’t have one. 
When his face appeared on your computer screen, you couldn’t help the ache that crept up in your chest at the sight of him. 
“Hey, yn.” He greeted with a smile.
You missed him.
After the exchange of pleasantries and a bit of small talk on both ends, Johnny wasted no time in getting to the purpose of your call, “I believe you owe me something.” 
“Johnny—“
“Before you say anything, I want you to know that for me, it’s always been you. After all this time, even with all the distance between us.”
Johnny moved his face closer to the camera, as if that would somehow help his point come across more genuinely. You had to stop your hand from reaching out to try and wipe the single tear that fell on his cheek.
“This is the last time I’m going to ask.” He said, trying to keep his voice from faltering too much, “After this, I won’t try to push it anymore. But I want you to tell me the truth. Don’t you wish—“
“It’s not going to work.”
“We haven’t even tried, Yn.” It almost sounded like he was pleading, begging you to give him and the two of you a chance. He wasn’t there with you in person, but he didn’t have to be for you to feel the sincerity in his words.
“I’m scared.” You whispered, finally choosing to truly let him in for the very first time since you met, “What if it doesn’t work out? I want you in my life. I don’t want to lose you.”
“You’re not going to.”
Johnny said it with such conviction, such confidence, that you felt like you had no choice but to believe him. Your eyes studied his face, looking for any sign of wariness or doubt. Only to find none. You could only find hopefulness, and maybe even love. With one final review of his features, you had made your decision. 
“Okay.”
“Okay, what?” He asked, just to make sure, but he made no attempt in holding back the grin that slowly spread across his face. The sight of which made your heart flutter. 
“We’ll try. I want to be with you.”
You let out a breath that you didn’t you had been holding as the final word left your lips. It felt like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders, the floodgates in your eyes releasing the tears it had been holding onto for months now. Nervousness still coursed through your veins, but it was mixed with a different kind of emotion: excitement. 
“You’re smiling, but you’re also crying. I’m not sure if I should be concerned.” Johnny joked, the crinkles in eyes becoming much more apparent as he stared at your face through the screen. 
“I’m still scared,” You confessed, “but I’m excited.”
Johnny couldn’t help but chuckle at your confession, waiting for you to wipe your tears away before he continued speaking, 
“Well, Yn, didn’t I tell you the road not taken would be the most exciting? Trust me, it’s looking really good now.”
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If you liked Dragon Age Masterlist
If you’re anything like me, you’re into niche market, high fantasy, single player RPGs, preferably with a historical setting and romance options. So if you’re looking for a new game, here I am with some suggestions!
Sorted by studio:
Bethesda:
Oblivion (2006)
“In the shadow of evil, a hero will rise from the ashes of a fallen empire. The gates have been opened, and the battle has begun. Only one thing can save the world from Mehrunes Dagon and the demonic hordes of Oblivion. The true heir of the Septim line must be found and restored to the Imperial throne. The fate of the world rests in the hands of one. Find him, and shut the jaws of Oblivion.”
The Elder Scrolls series were my gateway into RPGs and hold a special place in my heart. Oblivion features a wide open world, immersive combat, and the ability to customize race, class, and gender.
Skyrim (2011)
“The Empire of Tamriel is on the edge. The High King of Skyrim has been murdered. Alliances form as claims to the throne are made. In the midst of this conflict, a far more dangerous, ancient evil is awakened. Dragons, long lost to the passages of the Elder Scrolls, have returned to Tamriel. The future of Skyrim, even the Empire itself, hangs in the balance as they wait for the prophesized Dragonborn to come; a hero born with the power of The Voice, and the only one who can stand amongst the dragons.”
I have sunk so many hours into this game and still have not experienced all there is to experience. Just like Oblivion, Skyrim offers the ability to customize your character and find a play style that suits you. A huge open world offers tons of opportunity for exploration and questing. You could play this game many, many hours and not even touch the main quest if you wanted to.
BioWare:
Mass Effect Legendary Edition (2021)
Just do it. Just fucking do it I’m still sobbing I’ve never had a game wreck me in this way. I might possibly like it more than Dragon Age which feels sacrilegious to say but it was so good. You follow Commander Shepard (customizable) for three whole games and the choices have serious consequences. Also, romance. Truthfully this might be the most well written storyline I’ve ever seen in a video game. Also, same studio as Dragon Age.
CD Projekt:
The Witcher III: Wild Hunt (2015)
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I’ll let the website description speak for itself, but Witcher III was good enough that I didn’t mind being forced to play as a man (those who know me know that I exclusively prefer to play women and often dislike games where I can’t do so)! The characters that make up this story are captivating and suck you into their world, leaving you with some tough choices to make. Also, bonus points for romance! (Yen is one of my all time favorite characters, Triss never stood a chance for me. Sorry Triss fans 😂)
Larian:
Divinity Original Sin 2 (2017)
“The Divine is dead. The Void approaches. And the powers lying dormant within you are soon to awaken. Choose your role in a BAFTA-winning story, and explore a world that reacts to who you are, and the choices you make. With five races to choose from, and an adventure playable solo or as a party of up to four, lay waste to an oppressive order in a world afraid of magic. Become the God the world so desperately needs.”
Full disclosure, I have not finished playing this one yet and will update when I do, but what I’ve played so far has been great! A classic, turn-based RPG that allows you a wide range of character customization. I find this game incredibly satisfying to be a rogue (my preferred class) because it lets me live my dream of throwing knives at people. Also, romance!
Baldur’s Gate III beta (2020)
“An ancient evil has returned to Baldur's Gate, intent on devouring it from the inside out. The fate of Faerûn lies in your hands. Alone, you may resist. But together, you can overcome. Gather your party.”
Fair warning, as of my most recent update to this post (March 30th, 2021) this game is still in a beta phase, which means it is NOT complete and has aspects that are missing, glitchy, or subject to change. With that being said, I’m so obsessed. It’s so, so good already and is only getting better. Another wide open world to explore with a group of companions with strong and sometimes clashing personalities, choices are abundant in this game and will affect how your party members think of you. This game so far gives me the feeling that choices are complicated and aren’t always easy to tell which is morally right, which I personally love. Also, I can be a sarcastic ass with a good heart, which is always fun. Astarion basically owns me now, but if you can resist him there are plentiful other romance choices as well! Customization is already a wider range than I’ve seen in most RPGs and they haven’t even finished the character creator yet, which has me SO excited for the finished product. Also - good hair?!??!! I love it!
Lionhead:
Fable III (2010)
“Lead a revolution to take control of Albion, fight alongside your people, and experience love and loss while preparing to defend the kingdom against a looming threat. Your choices as ruler will lead to consequences felt across the entire land.”
I’ll be honest, this one isn’t my favorite on the list, but was good enough to still make it! This game allows you to choose between playing as the prince or the princess on a quest to save your kingdom from itself, and then a greater threat as well. The game takes place in a kingdom loosely modeled after industrial England, and what did score it some major points were (SPOILER WARNING - skip the purple if you don’t want to know!) that the last act of the game lets you play as the monarch, where you are forced to make some tough decisions in order to save your kingdom. It is very easy to back yourself into a corner, pinch pennies in order to fund the army and save the kingdom, but make your citizens hate you because of it. You’re gonna have to be very, very careful, which is something I did really enjoy about this game. (I’ve heard Fable II was better, and that’s also on my list to try, will update in the future!)
Nintendo:
Fire Emblem Three Houses (2019)
“War is coming to the continent of Fódlan. Here, order is maintained by the Church of Seiros, which hosts the prestigious Officer’s Academy within its headquarters. You are invited to teach one of its three mighty houses, each comprised of students brimming with personality and represented by a royal from one of three territories. As their professor, you must lead your students in their academic lives and in turn-based, tactical RPG battles wrought with strategic, new twists to overcome. Which house, and which path, will you choose?”
Currently playing this one and I’m so addicted! This one is slightly outside of my usual taste but it has made me interested in playing more games like it. The player controls Byleth (you can rename them if you wish), who becomes a professor of combat and battle tactics despite their young age at a monastery and finds themself in charge of a house of students. Battles are tactics and strategy based and classes are highly customizable. I sunk like 30 hours into this game in the last three days. I won’t say more about the plot to avoid spoilers, but it’s been a ton of fun and also has slow burn romance
Spiders:
Greedfall (2019)
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This game destroyed my soul in the best way and when I finished it I immediately started a new game to play it again. You play as Lady or Lord De Sardet, Legate of the Congregation of Merchants and effectively the right hand of your cousin, who has been appointed governor of your new colony on the island. While I enjoy the combat in this game, which allows you the choice between one handed, two handed, magic, and pistols or rifles (save that ammo for when you really need it!), this game focuses heavily on diplomacy and relations. Be careful what information you give to whom and how you treat every decision. The enemies you make early on might be people you need on your side later. I also love that choices aren’t always clearly right or wrong, and often are more complicated than they first appear. Even the best intentions can sometimes go awry.
Ubisoft:
Assassin’s Creed, Syndicate (2015)
“London, 1868. In the heart of the Industrial Revolution, lead your underworld organization and grow your influence to fight those who exploit the less privileged in the name of progress”
Another one that I’ll admit, I haven’t finished, and is definitely the odd one out on the list because it’s set in Victorian England, but I was having fun with what I had played so far before Greedfall distracted me. In this game, you alternate between controlling twins Jacob and Evie Frye as you explore and liberate London while meeting famous historical figures and running a gang on the side.
Assassin’s Creed, Origins (2017)
“Ancient Egypt, a land of majesty and intrigue, is disappearing in a ruthless fight for power. Unveil dark secrets and forgotten myths as you go back to the one founding moment: The Origins of the Assassin’s Brotherhood.”
In the spirit of honesty, I haven’t started this one yet, but I am so confident that I’m gonna love it when I do that it’s here anyway. I’ve purchased it, and will get to it soon, I swear! In the meantime, I wanted to put it here because I’m confident some of you will enjoy it. Will come back with a review once I know more.
Assassin’s Creed, Odyssey (2018)
“Write your own epic odyssey and become a legendary Spartan hero in Assassin’s Creed® Odyssey, an inspiring adventure where you must forge your destiny and define your own path in a world on the brink of tearing itself apart. Influence how history unfolds as you experience a rich and ever-changing world shaped by your decisions.”
Y’all this game owned my soul for a while. I’ve sunk so many hours into it. You have a choice to play as either Kassandra or Alexios and navigate the wonders of Ancient Greece. The world is stunning, the choices are important, and this game took a big step for the assassins creed series in becoming a true RPG. I can’t recommend this one enough, you should absolutely go for it!
Assassin’s Creed, Valhalla (2020)
“Become Eivor, a legendary Viking warrior. Explore England's Dark Ages as you raid your enemies, grow your settlement, and build your political power in the quest to earn a place among the gods in Valhalla.”
This game is brand new, hot off the press, and has already been a massive hit. I have only JUST started playing it and am about an hour in, but so far so good! It’s here on my recommendations list because of its wild popularity and because I’ve already enjoyed other games in this series, so I feel confident that some of my fellow dragon age fans will enjoy it. Will update again once I get further in.
Other games on my To Be Played list (otherwise known as things I don’t want to recommend because I know almost nothing about them but will update here after I know more)
-Pillars of Eternity 1 and 2
-Horizon Zero Dawn
-Assassin’s Creed: Black Flag
-Fable 1 and 2
-Kingdoms of Amalur
-Breath of the Wild
-Crimson Desert (not out yet but I’m intrigued)
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ilkkawhat · 3 years
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Any tips for first time writers? Specifically any tips and tricks for writing CSI stories and the Nick/Greg ship? Trying to stay in character and make the story interesting like a show episode instead of a boring text procedural is hard.
lmao as someone who is forever insecure about my own writing when it comes to keeping the characters in character, I think something to keep in mind is that you may view a character differently than someone else--and sometimes those views align with others, and most of the time it's better than what's presented in canon, and it can be really difficult to get confident about that, but I think that creating anything, even if it's not just writing--drawing, giffing, photo edits, etc, you do know and love that character enough to bring them to life under your hands and it's something that's just so like, poetic about keeping these characters alive, even if the show offed them or the show is cancelled, in these works (honestly the song "poet" by bastille says this best imo) and you may end up discovering parts of yourself as you explore these characters in depth, you'll learn more about them, too, and the more you write, the more confidence you will gain
but be weary of the validation trap (says someone who falls into it literally every time I post a fic)--do not rely on comments and feedback to let you know you're doing it "right." the fact that you're getting thoughts into words onto paper is good enough, and you are good enough and even if you don't end up sharing it, you still did something special that nobody else has done before, and that, is amazing!
I'm not gonna lie, a huge weakness of mine that I feel I've known ever since I started writing CSI fic is that I really don't do well in making cases for the CSIs to work on--and even when I do, the case is usually forgotten by the end of the fic and I end up just kinda focusing on the emotions between the characters and describing their feelings and actions the best I can and unfortunately the plot sometimes suffers because of that.
I guess it really depends on what you want out of your story--do you want a really intriguing case and basically make an episode of CSI, or do you want to kind of bend out of the procedural drama, and just write something fluffy like Nick/Greg going on a roadtrip or something actiony like them getting into some sort of trouble? (as I often do lmao)
Something that does always help me when I do decide I want an actual like, "plot" to the fic beyond just playing around with the characters and making them do things or experience things is that I'll make myself a very flexible outline--which I will admit, at times, does kinda drain the fun out of the actual writing part but I found that I'll try to write chapters/fics in segments in this way, like I'll have the start of a fic, and then when I feel like I need to break but want to write what I got going next, I'll have something in brackets like: [Self deprecation at home/drinking, evil Nick in the mirror?] (for agony), and sometimes maybe a bigger summary, and sometimes less to just kinda remind myself of what I wanted to accomplish with a fic
BUT know that there are gonna be things that pop up sometimes. twists that come to you halfway through a fic--or if you're lucky, you'll find that your reader friends will kinda give you a twist to add in (my fic Last Breath is the greatest example of this--I originally was gonna do like, 12 chapters but then @dannilea said "HEY MK GIVE NICK AMNESIA" and then the fic got doubled in length lmao) so don't feel confined to any sort of outline. go with the flow, go with what feels right for you.
I know it's a lesson I'm still learning myself, but do not pressure yourself with these sorts of things. there are no deadlines. you're not doing anything wrong. if you don't like something you wrote? don't delete it (i've deleted so many things--fics, my entire blog, old art and gifs I did and it's one of my biggest regrets that I carry with me and god...it just hurts) but don't be afraid to tweak, re-write or rework if you need to--I know ao3 has an option where you can even say something is a "remix" of another work if you write a fic and then somewhere down the line, decide to expand on it or change it up? (I think it's meant for that at least, I haven't done that sort of thing....yet)
and that's another thing--you'll always be learning new things as you keep writing. I've been writing since I was like, twelve years old. Had a long ass depressive gap (though I did still write some things, just not...as intensely as I used to) before I came back to the CSI fandom (which I never felt I contributed to before, when I joined tumblr I posted some caps but that was about it, it really wasn't until 2018 that I started giffing and writing and three years later lmao here we are!) and there are just hard lessons you do learn--like I said, the validation trap and pressure and all of that
but motivation wise, something I've been (trying) to do is write at least 100 words per day. Doesn't have to be a specific fic, doesn't have to be anything I intend to make a fic, but just...getting the words flowing. But again, no pressure, because I recently had another depressive bout and went 33 days without writing and it climaxed to me having another mental breakdown swearing I was never gonna write again and damn near deleting everything and giving up.........only to start writing again the next day (and full disclosure, I did have a friend helping me literally every day with that and if they read this, I hope they know how forever grateful I am that they convinced me to keep going and I would not actually be here without them)
You will need to recharge, you will need to be mindful of outside stresses that may be impacting your creative energies. And sometimes, you can try doing things not relating to writing at all. Make a playlist of songs that make you think about the fic; if you can, draw or make photo edits of the fic. find a friend to bounce ideas off of--so many of my fics were enriched by that, I can't even begin to list them all lol.
But above all, again, just know that what you're writing is unique to you, nobody else will be able to write the way you do, and that is just...so special. writing can be difficult, it's exhausting, it's a thankless job at times but when those words start clicking together and your fingers just keep typing/writing, you'll just kinda get this like, rush like nothing I've ever been able to match.
and lmao I know you said specifically CSI and Nick/Greg and feel like I got sidetracked--but the great thing about CSI is I feel like you'll have excuses to put them in situations given their line of work, but like I said before, you can bend out of the genre a little bit. Have Nick and Greg go on a vacation, or make an AU (even something as wild as a sci-fi AU--honestly Specimen Stokes is the most fun I've had in writing the past three years) or if you do want to stick to canon, and don't want to make a whole new case or elaborate on the details--play with an established episode. If there was a Nick focused episode, what was Greg doing and vice versa? Did they talk about things afterwards, or did something happen leading up to the episode that made them act a certain way around each other?
I'll honestly find inspiration also just watching the episodes--something I've been doing in these past few months of my rewatch is making little ficlets about the episode, like I wrote one about Nick and Greg post 6x02 elaborating on the breathplay that Greg hinted about earlier in the episode, or I made a revenge fic for 14x12 where that douchey abusive husband went after Nick, etc. So sometimes it helps to dive back into canon and play in that sandbox too
I hope these tips can help get you started and honestly, don't feel obligated to agree or do any of these things I listed above. We all have different ways of going about writing, and it is just one big learning process and something I don't think I'm ever gonna perfect or master in any sort of way--(not to say I think I'm the worst writer in the world but I just...try to humble myself and not believe I'm the best or better than anybody else cause that's part of the validation trap, you get those ideas in your head and then it can destroy you when you realize you're definitely not)--and there will be times you get heavily discouraged, but...you just gotta keep going. keep pushing. find outside encouragement, but don't rely on it. practice a lot of self care and don't pressure yourself to finish or share or write more than you think you can. just...let it come, and enjoy the ride
I honestly feel like I'm one of the least qualified to say all of these things, but I really do hope it helps and hey, you already got one cheerleader, me, who will be excited to read whatever you share!
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abduct-me-helen · 4 years
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Class 108's Apocalypse Field Trip | Chapter 1.
The world ended on a Tuesday. Quite suddenly, halfway through class. After the sky split open and green light bathed the earth, things changed. Some lived.
Some didn’t.
Class 108 stayed together, for the most part. They took up a base in the school, and boarded up the windows and doors.
Sydney was the one who first learned they didn’t need to eat. Other revelations of that sort followed. Sleep was not needed, nor was water. Air seemed to be, though, as they learned after Cal passed out from holding their breath.
The first one to die was Cú.
They don’t talk about Cú.
-
Of course, some things are unavoidable in the end. Logically, Sydney knew it was only a matter of time before something managed to slip under the cracks and they’d all get killed; god knows they’d narrowly scraped by enough times to be considered cosmically lucky. Tabitha had been spreading rumors, as was her nature, about the school itself being sentient, trapping them inside with false promises of safety.
On the worse days, Sydney believed it.
Sydney stepped into the classroom slowly, craning her head to where Tabitha and Rosie were explaining their theories. She didn’t know which theories, but she’d heard most of them by now.
“G’morning.” She said.
It was night.
No, she thought, the sky is dark, but that doesn’t mean it’s night.
Rosie gestures towards a desk, and she avoids the chair toppled over at her feet as she sits down on top of it. She takes not of who else had decided to attend this “session” of theirs today. There are 12 students left out of the thirty who had originally made up the class. Ten of them had disappeared after running away from the school in shock after the eye in the sky had first opened. They hadn’t been in homeroom during the “blink,” which is what they’d taken to call the eye opening, and hadn’t seen any teachers since that day.
She remembered it vividly.
Ms. Bruis had tensed, eyes wide in shock, before telling them to calm down and stay indoors. She immediately went outside the room to check on everyone else.
That was the last time they’d seen Ms. Bruis, but not the last time they’d seen her face.
Besides the initial chaos, there wasn’t anything attacking the school. It was just shouting and screaming and running. Sydney had stayed in the classroom, clumsily trying to close the blinds on the window.
People just, left. And they didn’t come back.
The first venture was when they lost Cú. She doesn’t like to talk about him, never mind think about him. Nonetheless, her mind often drifts towards his death.
It was about four hours after the chaos. People had been nearly sucked out of the building, teachers included. The only ones that remained were the thirty students of 108.
Sydney didn’t know why they were the only ones to remain. She still doesn’t now.
The students decided to have a short party go out and scout. Sydney, Katie, Cú, Tabitha and Rosie. Four survived, one did not.
Rosie was always the thinker of the group, and as such she took the front. Katie was chosen for her seemingly nonchalant disposition to going, and Tabitha for her mind, which was always going too fast and often arriving at far-out conclusions. Despite this, she was a quick-witted person and had been selected for her dexterity and speed. Cú was selected for his physicality. He was a teddy bear, but a strong teddy bear.
It didn’t save him in the end.
And Sydney, well, she was cautious. She wonders if she could’ve saved Cú if she’d been just a little bit wearier.
They wandered a few blocks before hearing the sound of skin and bone splitting. Tabitha immediately ran toward the sound, as was her nature. The rest, Rosie at the lead, followed, hiding behind a corner.
Katie didn’t make a face, but even she was visibly pale.
When the sound came again, louder, and a creature made of wet flesh and twisted muscle stepped out of the alleyway, she became practically white.
Sydney retched. She’s not ashamed to admit it, you would’ve too. Anyone would’ve retched if they saw that sight.
It got worse.
“Hello?! Someone! Help me, please!”
It was Ms. Bruis-no, it looked like Ms. Bruis.
Cú ran. He dodged the creature, running to Ms. Bruis and starting to try to pick her up off the ground, before he noticed she was rooted to the cement. His eyes widened as blood ran down her face
She smirked.
Sydney will always remember the flash of teeth before she plunged her hand-no, her claw-into his stomach. He made a choked sound before the creature bounded back over and ripped his jaw clean off.
They ran. They ran. They ran.
And then they came back to the classroom, and they wept.
There were more expeditions after that. They lost seven more after that, but in those ventures, they collected knowledge. This knowledge went on Rosie’s list, though it also doubled as a rulebook.
-
THE LIST
1. Some creatures can make copies of people you know in order to trick you. They don’t bleed, so your best shot at not meeting eyeball daddy up close is to yeet the fuck outta there//bold of you to assume I don’t want to meet eyeball daddy uwu//
2. Don’t trust meat. Ever. Meat comes alive. WE ARE VEGANS IN THE YEAR OF OUR LORD 2018(?)
3. Don’t answer the door, even if you’re armed. No, Eric, we do not count your big muscles™ as a weapon.
4. If you MUST answer the door, don’t. You have been stopped.
5. A short section on the happenings of the places(?) known to us as “nightmares.”
Nightmares trap humans in these crazy places. We’ve only seen two, but they are extremely dangerous, and both encounters ended in casualties. They trap your mind and make you experience terrible things, and like the rest of the world (to our knowledge at least) don’t follow normal time or space rules. Basically, if you want to avoid a ,’ , |,’_’, you should not screw with that shit.
6. Always check with someone else before eating or drinking. Sometimes, your mind will play tricks on you and you won’t notice that you’re eating something…not good. Honor cal for their sacrifice regarding this matter (sorry cal)
7. Always shut the blinds. Eyeball daddy is watching you//YOU DID NOT NEED TO SAY THAT TABITHA
8. Don’t leave the building without consulting all of class 108.
9. Don’t read books that others haven’t read first, especially if it says it’s from the library of Jurgen LeitnerSTUPID IDIOT MOTHERFUCKING JURGEN LEITENER GOD DAMN FOOL BOOK COLLECTING DUST EATING RAT OLD BASTARD SHITHEAD IDIO//yes, Riko, we get it, but good point. Be Jared, 19.
10. Don’t invite anyone in.
-
“What are we on today?” Sydney asked.
“Tabitha’s on about the categories again.” Cal said.
“I really think it could work!” she said loudly. “Look, there’s consistencies in every single encounter we’ve had. Think about it. Remember what happened at the theater?”
Katie grimaced silently. “How could we forget?”
Tabitha ignored her. “The webs. Spiders and the rest of those insects are different categories. The wriggly silver worms are more like, bugs and wriggly things and judging from the infestation we had they all work together.”
“Like a hive?” Cal asked.
Tabitha nodded. “Exactly like that. Spiders are different though; you saw how many were crawling about during the amphitheater incident. And that whole thing was about control. All those people who were laughing…they, they were there. They didn’t want to do it! They didn’t want to laugh, you saw their eyes. They were being controlled. And when,” she paused, gritting her teeth, “and when Marcy died she was being controlled too. Puppeted.”
That’s two. Then we come to the next one, guns and murder and war and shit like that. Simple enough. But I think it has to be humans killing humans, because the thing that killed, killed Cú wasn’t like that. It was, it was different. I don’t know. I’ll get back to that.
“Then we have the cover up, or the anonymous things. Things like those little creatures that hide in your plates that you can’t notice are there until someone tells you. That’s why I’m confused, because I think the weird fleshy creature we faced was aligned with that but also with those meat things that broke Rosie’s leg. I don’t know how to explain it, but, ah. Sorry. I think they’re the same category.”
“I’ll humor you; can a thing be two categories?” Katie questioned her dully.
“I think so. Maybe it’s like colors? Really angry colors. They’re all separate, but the same because they’re all made of the same stuff. And they all blur together sometimes?”
“Yeah,” Katie snorted, “we’re being killed by really angry colors.”
Tabitha flushed. “Hey! It was just an analogy.”
Rosie seemed to be considering what Tabitha had said, before she looked up. “I believe you.”
“Y-you do?” Tabitha blinked, taken back.
Rosie nodded. “It makes sense. Really angry colors.”
“Really angry colors.”
-
A few hours-well, time was weird, but Sydney supposed it was hours-later, the class was doing yoga. Well, not “yoga” per se. They were beating each other on the head with torn up yoga mats.
“Hey!” Riko shouted as Tabitha tripped over her mat while chasing Cal. “Watch it! This is where I sleep!”
Tabitha stuck her tongue out and Katie snorted, not looking up from her book. Sydney wondered how she did that; Katie always seemed to have an astounding amount of situational awareness at all times.
“Real mature.” Katie groused.
Tabitha grinned, and Rosie smiled softly.
“I’M GOING TO MAKE YOU MEET EYEBALL DADDY!” she shouted to Cal, who’s eyes widened in mock fear.
“Oh no! The horror! OwO!” They said dramatically.
“Did they just say “OwO”?” Sydney asked in a deadpan. Rosie nodded solemnly.
“You ever wonder…” Sydney trailed off, the muffled shouting of their peers drowned out into the background.
“Wonder what?” Rosie tilted her head in question.
“What happened to Mr. Sims.”
“He’s probably…not with us anymore.”
“Yeah. Still, could you imagine? He was a bloody cryptid. He’d probably take all this with no sweat.”
“Maybe he’d give us concerts too.”
“Good ole Jonny D’Ville.”
Rosie snickered.
“You know how he always drew eyes everywhere? During tests?”
“Oh god, don’t mention that to Tabitha, I don’t need her going on about another conspiracy.”
Sydney grinned to herself and Rosie groaned.
“Well, I was thinking, maybe it was an omen.”
“An omen?”
“Yeah. I’ve never been spiritual really, but the worlds gone to shit so who knows what’s real. Maybe the Mayans were just a few days off.”
“Ah, the apocalypse calendar.”
“Indeed.”
-
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
A noise rang out from the entrance to the school, loud and imposing. Sydney’s heart started to thump wildly in terror.
They all shot up, and Katie got her switchblade out from her pocket. She was lucky enough to have it on her at the blink, and it was their best weapon.
Cypress shot inside the classroom silently, eyes wide, red curls bouncing. He clicked the door shut quietly, pale. “The others sent me. They’re hiding in place. I think we should just stay put.”
Rosie nodded, gesturing him to come over. She placed a finger over her lips in order to get them to stay silent, then nodded to Katie. Katie had always been gifted with really good hearing, and it had saved their assess more than enough times for Rosie to know that letting her try to hear who was at the door was the best safe bet for situation and the time being.
Katie closed her eyes, but after a quarter of a minute shook her head.
That’s when they heard it.
“Hello!”
Sydney brought a hand to her mouth to clamp down a scream.
It was Cypress.
Eyes wide, she glanced over to Cypress, her Cypress, who’s expression was now glazed over. Was his skin always that waxy? Why was his hair so smooth? It looked like that of a dolls, curls made of softly bent plastic.
Katie saw the flicker of light before she saw the blade, and she lunged.
Her switchblade pierced his skin-no, his stuffing, with a sound akin to ripping a toy. It didn’t seem to stop this not-Cypress.
Oh god, Sydney thought, today is the day I die.
There was a sound like static now in the air, and the faint smell of burning. Sydney began to feel sick, almost lightheaded.
The door swung open, and Sydney whipped her head around to see Cypress, who was trailed by…Mr. Sims?
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wedreamedlove · 4 years
Text
Speech Quirks in MLQC
Archived Reddit post but this is the improved and updated version. I've linked the Reddit one though because @sharinluna made fantastic comments which I hadn't considered.
Spoilers include content up to Chapter 18 and some unreleased calls and cards. None of these are plot lines though, just snippets to support their speech quirks. Also, my eternal disclaimer is that I'm pulling from CN lines so don't be alarmed if the quotes differ.
BAI QI
The cutest habit this man has is defaulting into a sincere and solemn tone whenever he doesn't know how to respond to MC. He's so genuine it hurts. It's especially apparent when he goes along with weird topics.
Here are some examples of Bai Qi being an adorably confused puppy but trying to do his best. He always takes MC's concerns seriously:
[CN Soaked Heart SSR Misunderstanding Date] Context is they keep misunderstanding each other today. "Though I don't understand women's hearts, yours is the only one I don't want to get wrong. Can you give me some more time?"
[Lightbath SSR Tenderness] Context is after he excessively praises MC to her embarrassment. "I'm sorry, maybe it's because I didn't convey it well enough. But I just wanted to express all my thoughts out. Next time, I hope I can use a better way to express them to you."
[Summer Loving SSR Undo Fail Call] Context is MC having a terrible day and mis-sent her messages to Bai Qi. "If you don't want to go to work then you can take a day off. As for your hairline... how about..."
[Blaze Up SSR Age Rage Call] Bai Qi takes MC's opening extremely seriously, thinking something happened, before having a small laugh at her being called "auntie" by the boy. But he immediately regains his seriousness to talk it over with her.
It's not that Bai Qi doesn't get jokes, but his response to them tends to be serious too (which leads to unintentional killer lines). I think his humor tends towards more of the deadpan kind, like Li Zeyan (except Li Zeyan has some witty sharpness).
I've also seen people mention this phrase and I love it because it encapsulates him so well: Bai Qi is either shy and blushes or he goes straight for the kill LOL.
Here are some examples of lines that may sound sleazy or too flirty if they weren't delivered in such a straight and sincere manner LOL:
[Cold Shower R Refreshing Moments] When you pick the choice saying you thought he was going to upload a picture he goes: "Um... I can DM you." I've seen that he uses a smiley in English but it's not there in Chinese.
[Against the Light SR Sweet Bomb Moments] When you pick the choice saying that he's become cola-flavored he asks: "What do I normally taste like?"
[2018 Valentine's Text] I chose a conversation path which had me telling Bai Qi that he needs to get used to pet hair if he's going to raise a pet and that one day I'd like to raise one. He seriously promises to do his best to get used to pet hair and asks to raise one together.
[Grocery Moments] When you pick the choice that he can use his other hand to carry bags he answers simply: "My other hand is for holding yours, so I can't use it."
Honestly, the takeaway in Bai Qi's speech is the unconditional support and love he gives to MC. He never questions her feelings about things, and oftentimes vehemently objects to her thinking she's bothering him or that her problems are trivial or silly.
He wants to hear about her happy news, her sad news, and everything about her. (I joke that Bai Qi is the perfect fit for the meme where it's like "Why are you crying?" "Oh, it's just these onions" "What the hell did you say to my girlfriend!?").
He always gives a heads up before he acts, even though he generally tends to be moving already. Like going to pick up MC in the rain or at any other location.
I wouldn't be surprised if some of this came from his family life. Through his Rumors and Secrets and [Seize SSR Sad Thoughts Call] you can get an idea that his mother didn't have any standing with his father, often got cut off, and nothing she wanted or felt mattered.
Even though Bai Qi was young at that time it probably left a mark on him because he never does that with MC; he lets her express herself before he brings up any of his feelings. Her feelings are always valid, but he does tend to be a proactive fixer and provides solutions if he can (much like Li Zeyan). Bai Qi will try to solve MC's problems, but I'm sure if she just wanted to rant then he'll gladly listen (ex. [Blaze Up SSR Age Rage Call]).
One other notable thing is that, in Asian cultures, social harmony is very important and that's why there's a culture around speaking indirectly and preserving the other person's dignity.
So Bai Qi's indifference and ability to cut straight to the point probably doesn't stand out that much in the West but it's actually a bit shocking and impactful in Chinese. Especially because he doesn't shy away from expressing his feelings. He might stutter, cough, clear his throat, and be all embarrassed but then he just delivers monologues of blunt emotion (ex. [Love Of My Life SSR Goodnight Wish & Wish Calls]).
I find that Bai Qi and Li Zeyan are the most stereotypical types of masculinity among the four men.
ZHOU QILUO
As always, I need to thank my Luoluo-loving friend for the discussion here because I always have the least thoughts on him. Oops.
I don't think I'd be wrong in saying he has the most range among all the men. He gets to play with a pouting baby voice, his acting hero voice, his KEY voice, his Helios voice, and then his normal voice.
He has a harder speech habit to pin down because of this massive range, but I think you can catch how he leans into a sly or teasing tone. He's very quick with comebacks and jokes and I'd say he's the first to establish an inside joke with MC (both being each other's superheroes).
He and MC have a relationship where they're both building each other up. If Bai Qi provides unconditional support and acceptance then Zhou Qiluo is all about cheering her on whenever possible.
It's also interesting to point out that even though he's so emotive on the outside, when things are serious he goes deadly quiet and calm. You can see that in Chapter 8, 14, and his Helios persona in Chapter 17. They say watch out for the quiet ones, but more like watch out for the people who use their jokes and loudness to hide their quiet intensity.
I'm not sure how clear this came across in English but Luoluo notably repeats himself on several occasions in Chinese. It's sad because it's like he's reassuring the person he's talking to and himself at the same time.
[Main Story 14-20] "It'll be okay, it'll definitely be okay [...] You'll be okay."
[Main Story 14-20] "Miss Chips, wait for me... will you wait for me?"
I've also noticed that, even though he tries to be as genuine as possible, he's actually not as emotionally open as someone like Bai Qi. Luoluo tends to bring up his own emotions in a third-person or hypothetical perspective. For example:
[Call after Main Story 11-8: Important Decision] Luoluo calls and talks around the subject of an important decision he needs to make (aka. turning into Helios) and whether or not MC would be able to accept him if he changed completely into another person.
[CN ASMR Bear Cub's Troubles] He tells a story about a number of bears doing things and they're clearly supposed to represent him but he never admits that either.
We're about to hear much more from Helios but, as a start, he's extremely curt. Luoluo is definitely pulling an opposite here with his speech style, but it's neat how you can hear tones of Zhou Qiluo throughout too.
See, there's these things called modal particles in Chinese that you stick on the end of your sentences to give them meaning, emphasize meaning, strengthen meaning, or soften the meaning and tone.
Luoluo has the habit of using one 啊 (ah) which can have all these sort of meanings and other ones you just sort of pick up on:
[attached to the end of a sentence to indicate admiration]
[attached to the end of a sentence to show approval or self-protectiveness or to urge or enjoin]
[attached to the end of a sentence to indicate doubt]
[sign of pause in the middle of a sentence to draw attention to what one is going to say next]
[attached to the end of each item enumerated]
In Luoluo's case it makes his sentences sound more excited and younger and goes really well with his bright atmosphere. However, when he's Helios, this modal particle is dropped completely. Helios is flat, blunt, and basically pulling a Li Zeyan LOL.
XU MO
I think I've talked way too much about how Xu Mo is a wordsmith LOL but I'm always impressed by how he can corner MC into accepting his invitations without it being creepy. But I suppose this is a point of contention due to localization decisions and voice direction.
Putting that aside, it has to be noted that Xu Mo asks for a lot of permission. His speech style is designed to get you to lower your guard as much as possible, which I've touched on in my wordsmith post.
Again, returning to modal particles, Xu Mo has ones that basically gives all his sentences a "May I?" "Could I?" "Would you...?" style.
[Sound of Silence SSR The Little Prince Call] "Would you like to hear what I have to say?"
[Call after Main Story 3-1: Movie Invitation] "Then, would this lady be willing to watch Manhattan with me this Sunday?"
[CN Archery Date] "May I ask this lady here for some assistance?"
To be more specific, he uses a lot of 吧 (ba) which has these sort of meanings (the first one especially):
[a particle used at the end of the sentence to indicate discussion, suggestion, request, or instruction]
[an indication of agreement or approval at the end of the sentence]
[an indication of doubt or guess at the end of the sentence]
[an indication of uncertainty in the sentence]
[it can express a pause, tone of assumption, difficulty in making a choice, or dilemma in the sentence]
You can imagine how much this softens his sentences right? It's why he's so good at sounding disarming LOL and then you walk away and take 5 seconds to realize he said something alarming and/or got you to accept a date.
On another note, much like Bai Qi, Xu Mo quietly accepts all of MC's feelings and doubts. But he's much more of a natural at gently refuting her points and wording things in a way that helps her mature slowly (a big theme with him).
Compared to the others, he checks more often on whether MC wants to listen to his opinion before he gives it. Or, he supports his view from an empirical standpoint (like how he's been the adviser to Miracle Finder pretty much at the beginning and seen her growth from there).
Because of how his speech habit is designed to be soft when he's Xu Mo, it makes his Ares persona really interesting. He drops his softeners and speaks in a more clipped tone but he still maintains his politeness.
At the news conference in Chapter 16 you can hear how he uses starts using rhetoric to push the MC around (as a mix between Ares and cold Xu Mo). He actively challenges her opinions, compared to before when he was just providing alternative (and supportive) views. The news conference is actually amazing because in Chinese they both become EXCESSIVELY polite to demonstrate this new distance between them after Chapter 13.
CRIES WHENEVER I THINK ABOUT XU MO AND ARES. So, Xu Mo also has a quirk that's very apparent in his ASMRs where he repeats himself because he flusters the MC so bad she's always like "Huh!?".
But as Ares he literally has a line where he coolly says that he doesn't like to repeat himself and that he won't repeat himself...
Switching gears, Xu Mo also shares a habit with Li Zeyan where they give nonverbal responses. In Xu Mo's case, he goes "Mm?" "Hm?" or "Oh?" and tends to raise the end of his sentences to soften them. Li Zeyan just grunts acknowledgements LOL but it's the hottest noise in Chinese.
Lastly, Xu Mo really, really loves nicknaming the MC and has called her kitten, sea otter, this lady, night owl, etc. It's adorable! (I'm not mentioning his use of little fool or silly girl because I'm going to go more into that in Li Zeyan's section.)
LI ZEYAN
Okay, let's get the elephant out of the room. One of his speech quirks is calling MC a dummy, idiot, or moron LOL.
But there's an extremely interesting cultural difference here that people might not be aware of. In Chinese, the word he uses for "idiot" and "dummy" (笨蛋; bendan) is actually light and almost negligent. If I were to give an analogy, it's more like he's calling you "silly" all the time.
Obviously, the fact that you're being called something still hasn't disappeared. But the word Li Zeyan uses lands as a 0.1/10 on the insult scale in Chinese.
I don't have enough background in sociology to explain why this is but there's an interesting talk about the vagueness of Japanese insults vs. English ones that basically applies here to Chinese too:
One likely reason for the relatively few Japanese words for 'fool' is vagueness. In both English and Japanese, the words for 'fool' have meanings that vary along scales of friendly–hostile, or joking–serious. In English, at one end of a scale are words like silly goose and at the other end are words like stupid asshole. And in Japanese, at one end are words like kamaboko baka 蒲鉾馬鹿 'silly chump' and at the other end are words like baka-yarō 馬鹿野郎 'damn fool'. The difference is in the degree of lexical diversification along the scales of meaning. English seems to have more 'fool' words with more specificity – Japanese seems to have fewer 'fool' words with more vagueness. There are decided pragmatic and communicative advantages to such lexical vagueness. If you call me a stupid son-of-a-bitch, I know exactly what you mean. But if you call me a baka-yarō, I cannot be so sure of what you mean. The expression baka-yarō 馬鹿野郎 is one of the most insulting terms in the Japanese lexicon, but it is vague and can range in meaning from an affectionate 'silly-willy' to an abusive 'jerk-off fool'. Baka-yarō is so widely used that it has become semantically weak and vague. Such vagueness can serve to conceal hostility and thus to maintain social harmony.
Carr, Michael (1982). "Baka and Fool". The Review of Liberal Arts. 63: 1–18. Retrieved 2013-04-19.
On this note about insults, all the other guys have their own terms for the MC as well. For example, Xu Mo and Bai Qi use 傻瓜 (shagua; fool, silly melon) with Xu Mo often adding more affection with the diminuitive 小 (xiao; small, little).
I've seen Luoluo take some heat for also calling the MC "stupid" like Li Zeyan but did you know in Chinese he only uses 笨 (ben; dumb) which is even more lighter than Li Zeyan's word? It's like a 0.01/10 on the scale.
Putting this cultural difference of insults aside, I've mentioned above that Li Zeyan is also a fixer of problems like Bai Qi. Except he goes straight for it without checking with the MC (overbearing CEO style). He decides on an action, carries it out, and then tells MC after the fact.
[Marauder SSR Change Hotel Call] He switches her hotel immediately and gets her to move only after he's done it during their call.
[Chapter 11] Pretty much the entirety of this chapter and how he had her treated at the hospital, escorts her to and from work, assigns bodyguards for MC, etc.
Basically, whenever Li Zeyan receives MC's problems, he'll make a dry comment about it first, but then end up solving it.
I also think that, out of the rest of the guys, he questions MC the most on everything (remember, Xu Mo isn't naturally confrontational until he goes cold or Ares-mode). Li Zeyan can't seem to stop himself from challenging MC's views and opinions every step of the way (in his mind, he's doing it for her own good).
On a side note, I think he also has the habit of being unable to say what he truly wants to say sometimes and you can hear him swallow back a lot of words or just sigh heavily. For example:
[Call after Main Story 11-19: Routine Greeting] Granted he was really emotional due to story reasons here. But there were so many pregnant pauses and heavy silence.
[Gentle Confrontation SSR Tacit Game Call] In Chinese, when MC opens with her question you can actually hear him go "Uh..." LOL. IT'S HILARIOUSLY CUTE. But the rest just has him sighing deeply.
I mentioned above that he and Bai Qi share a similar sense of humor in being deadpan, but Li Zeyan definitely takes it to another level. He also delivers a serving of dry wit or sarcasm. I think it's cute that he mimics the MC a lot though and their inside joke is him recalling everything she's called him.
[Main Story 11-16] Same speech pattern. "Are you Li Zeyan...?" "... Are you a moron?"
[Winter Infatuation SSR Before Sleep Call] "Even though on the way back you were clearly crying, 'Ah, so tired... ah, so sleepy...', the moment you get home you have the energy to turn on the computer?"
There's too many occasions where he quotes her words about him being an unsmiling K(ing), but whenever it happens some cute back and forth ribbing gets brought up. Like how it slipped out of her mouth, but he just so happened to recall it too and it's not like he remembers this stuff on purpose or keeps it in his mind. Uh huh.
Despite how exasperated he gets though, Li Zeyan never stops participating in all the silly games MC drags him into. Is this true love--- LOL.
Lastly, I want to bring up how Li Zeyan gives nonverbal responses much like Xu Mo except his are like grunts of acknowledgment. His favorite words is probably 嗯 (ng). The sound is more like "en" with a bit of a nasal noise and just means "mm". It can be used as a question too.
But hands down I think it's the hottest noise in Chinese LOL especially when Wu Lei (Li Zeyan's Chinese voice actor) does it in his deep voice. Erm, oops, getting distracted.
My main point here is to say that Li Zeyan leans towards being brief and monosyllabic, moreso than the other men. For example, in [Main Story 18-8] Li Zeyan uses the shortest words possible to reply to Xu Mo. At one point he literally just goes "Reason?".
I actually think he uses the most Chinese idioms to get across his meaning as short as possible (but this would be impossible to carry over in English...). Xu Mo tends to use 4 character combinations too but those are for scientific theories and don't count.
A Chinese player actually compiled the majority of idioms you hear from Li Zeyan LOL and here they are. By the way, these are supposed to be said as one whole phrase but I've added spaces to make the pronunciation clearer:
少见多怪 (shao jian duo guai); lit. seldom seen very strange. It means making a fuss or being excited over something normal.
上蹿下跳 (shang cuan xia tiao); lit. leap up jump down. It means jumping around excitedly and being hyperactive.
当众出丑 (dang zhong chu chou); lit. public fool. It means making a fool of yourself in public or making yourself a spectacle.
差强人意 (cha qiang ren yi); lit. lacking improvement to one's expectation. It means being barely passable or barely satisfactory.
不近人情 (bu jin ren qing); lit. not close to human emotions. It means being unreasonable or inhuman, and this one was actually Li Zeyan asking if MC sees him as this.
乱七八糟 (luan qi ba zao); I don't think you can make this literal but it basically means a complete mess.
自作多情 (zi zuo duo qing); lit. self-made many feelings. It means being full of yourself, like a narcissist, or flattering yourself by thinking people love you when they don't LOL.
漏洞百出 (lou dong bai chu); lit. full of leaks. It means you're full of loopholes, inconsistencies, and all your arguments are faulty.
莫名其妙 (mo ming qi miao); I'm not sure if this can become literal either but it means baffling, ridiculous, or incomprehensible.
想都别想 (xiang duo bie xiang); It literally means don't you even think about it LOL.
笨手笨脚 (ben shou ben jiao); lit. dumb hands dumb legs. It means being clumsy.
罪加一等 (zui jia yi deng); lit. adding a cardinal sin. It basically means becoming doubly guilty or you just keep piling up wrongs.
叽叽喳喳 (ji ji zha zha); lit. chirp chirp. But it basically means you're being a chatterbox, babbling, and jibberjabbering.
Of course we can't forget 笨蛋 (bendan; dummy, idiot) and 白痴 (baichi; moron) which are the insults Li Zeyan uses the majority of the time, the former more than the latter. These aren't idioms though.
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Top 5 New Books of 2020
A round up of the top 5 new books that I have read this year, full 2020 reading list found here
Warning for possible spoilers below the cut.
Please Don’t Hug Me - Kay Kerr
Erin is looking forward to Schoolies, at least she thinks she is. But things are not going to plan. Life is getting messy, and for Erin, who is autistic, that’s a big problem. She’s lost her job at Surf Zone after an incident that clearly was not her fault. Her driving test went badly even though she followed the instructions perfectly. Her boyfriend is not turning out to be the romantic type. And she’s missing her brother, Rudy, who left almost a year ago.
But now that she’s writing letters to him, some things are beginning to make just a tiny bit of sense.
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
I cannot stress enough how much I love this book. Growing up as an autistic teen girl, I really lack a lot of representation, both real and fictional, and this books is a huge step forward in remedying that. Written by an autistic woman (yes, this is an #ownvoices novel!), Please Don’t Hug Me shows autism in a new and beautiful light as to what is most commonly shown. Erin is no genius savant that is only autistic when plot relevant or has a lack of social skills used only for comedic relief, but instead a encapsulation of the ordinary and everyday autistic experience of just wanting to get through the day with as little meltdowns as possible while still maintaining your neurotypical facade.
The Dictionary of Lost Words - Pip Williams
In 1901, the word bondmaid was discovered missing from the Oxford English Dictionary. This is the story of the girl who stole it.
Motherless and irrepressibly curious, Esme spends her childhood in the Scriptorium, a garden shed in Oxford where her father and a team of lexicographers are gathering words for the very first Oxford English Dictionary.
Esme’s place is beneath the sorting table, unseen and unheard. One day, she sees a slip containing the word bondmaid flutter to the floor unclaimed. Esme seizes the word and hides  it in an old wooden trunk that belongs to her friend, Lizzie,  a young servant in the big house. Esme begins to collect other words from the Scriptorium that are misplaced, discarded or have been neglected by the dictionary men. They help her make sense of the world.
Over time, Esme realises that some words are considered more important than others, and that words and meanings relating to women’s experiences often go unrecorded. She begins to collect words for another dictionary: The Dictionary of Lost Words.
⭐⭐⭐⭐
One of my favourite parts about this novel is how perfectly it showed both misogyny and classism/elitism, and how they intertwined. Although it is set in the mid/late 19th century and early 20th century, there is this sense of relatability to it that I think I lot of people might be able to recognise. Williams deals with a lot topics that I don’t often see in other media, such as menstruation without fancy allusions or making it into anything other than what it is, pregnancy out-of-wedlock without it being seen as a character flaw on the woman’s part, and showing characters one might consider like a hag or spinster to be good people worth celebrating because of things that deem them lesser rather than despite it or not at all. One main criticism I do have with this book, however, is how it seems like William just adds tragedy for the sake of moving the plot forward/to add shock value or drama. I will admit, it did get me crying at some parts, it did get a little tedious and lack-luster to have the last half of the novel just be death after life-altering event after death after life-altering event. 
The Book Thief - Markus Zusak
It is 1939. Nazi Germany. The country is holding its breath. Death has never been busier, and will be busier still.
By her brother's graveside, Liesel's life is changed when she picks up a single object, partially hidden in the snow. It is The Gravedigger's Handbook, left behind there by accident, and it is her first act of book thievery. So begins a love affair with books and words, as Liesel, with the help of her accordian-playing foster father, learns to read. Soon she is stealing books from Nazi book-burnings, the mayor's wife's library, wherever there are books to be found.
But these are dangerous times. When Liesel's foster family hides a Jew in their basement, Liesel's world is both opened up, and closed down.
⭐⭐⭐⭐
I read this book for my advanced literature class earlier this year and it was a great choice on the schools part. Everyone in my class enjoyed it, even if a lot of us were crying by the end of the novel. The book itself is rich with literary techniques that enrich the actual reading if you are one of those people that like to dissect what they read. I think Zusak made a really good choice with having Death narrate, as well as how he tied in his own experiences/interjections in these mini vignette-type extracts which I found really enhanced both the overall atmosphere and environment. The only qualm I have is that there were a lot of questions left unanswered that made the story feel somewhat empty.
Picnic at Hanging Rock - Joan Lindsay
It was a cloudless summer day in the year nineteen hundred.
Everyone at Appleyard College for Young Ladies agreed it was just right for a picnic at Hanging Rock. After lunch, a group of three of the girls climbed into the blaze of the afternoon sun, pressing on through the scrub into the shadows of Hanging Rock. Further, higher, till at last they disappeared.
They never returned.
Whether Picnic at Hanging Rock is fact or fiction the reader must decide for themselves.
⭐⭐⭐⭐
I watched the Foxtel miniseries first a couple years and thoroughly enjoyed it and sought out the novel very quickly afterwards. I will be honest, I picked the novel up first around 2018/19 and dropped it until earlier this year when I reread/finished it and loved it. Lindsay’s ability to create this perfect and constant juxtaposition between the natural Australian bush and the intruding colonialism is really amazing and adds this interesting aesthetic that the academia community on this site seems to enjoy. There is also a really interesting dynamic between the female characters (which is most of the characters, to be fair) and they feel complete and authentic, something that doesn’t always exist in other works of literature. There is also one canon queer character, but there is so much subtext in the novel for so many other characters that it feels purposeful. All in all, this is the gayest straight book I ever read.  
The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes - Suzanne Collins
It is the morning of the reaping that will kick off the tenth annual Hunger Games. In the Capital, eighteen-year-old Coriolanus Snow is preparing for his one shot at glory as a mentor in the Games. The once-mighty house of Snow has fallen on hard times, its fate hanging on the slender chance that Coriolanus will be able to outcharm, outwit, and outmaneuver his fellow students to mentor the winning tribute.
The odds are against him. He's been given the humiliating assignment of mentoring the female tribute from District 12, the lowest of the low. Their fates are now completely intertwined -- every choice Coriolanus makes could lead to favor or failure, triumph or ruin. Inside the arena, it will be a fight to the death. Outside the arena, Coriolanus starts to feel for his doomed tribute... and must weigh his need to follow the rules against his desire to survive no matter what it takes.
⭐⭐⭐⭐
The Hunger Games was one of the series in primary school that rocked my literary world (joining the ranks of The Great Brain, Harry Potter and The Books of Beginning) and helped inspire my love of reading, and when I heard about a prequel I was over the moon with nostalgia. I found it a couple days after its release at Target for $16 and I loved it. I finished it in about a week and I could barely put it down. I loved reading how the hunger games came to be and how they ended up the way they were, as well as advancing Collins’ previously established and incredible world building. The book also adds upon the themes in the original trilogy of government corruption, classism, elitism, individualism and propaganda, but from those that benefit from it (e.g. Snow) instead of those that suffer (e.g. Katniss). I have seen some criticism from people about not liking it being from Snow’s perspective but I personally think that it was the perfect choice, as no other character’s story would be able to add to the story in such a meaningful way.
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michellesartjournal · 3 years
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Sonia Boyce talk hidden in plain sight.
In the talk she discusses the issues that emerged during the making of six acts 2018
It was to do with the controversy that arose out of a performance that took place at Manchester art gallery in 2018. Which included the removal of the painting Hylas and the Nymphs (1896) It formed questions surrounding group endeavours and the format of consciousness raising.
She starts the talk by explaining how she and several others people where at the Manchester Art Gallery on a curatorial narrative discussing what the performance for the 18 of January would be. As with all previous sessions the conversation ends up in front of “ Hylas and the Nymphs” By John W Waterhouse.
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A painting depicting the geek myth of Jason and the Argonauts, where Hylas a companion is beckoned to his death by the charms and beauty of prepubescent and naked females as nymphs. In this conversation a direct link was made between sexual desire, predatory and peril was made. Most people are in consensus about the negative depiction of this painting and what it suggests. In many ways the painting was a locus of issues that drove the project six acts and becomes the deserving headline of the project.
It opened up the discussion to how representation spills over into social relations.
Mierle laderman Ukeles (cleaning the museum 1973) as an early example of institutional critique as an artistic practice. One that speaks of the hidden in a space of harmonious visibility.
The issues
* Representation of female form and its recurring theme.
* The continue narrative of re-occurring naked or semi naked female images.
* Suggested narrative of young seductive women that causes danger to men.
* the idealised white female in quiet contemplation.
* Issues of femme Fatal
* Issues of male gaze
But hidden in the ensuing debate was that a significant number A female staff members at the Manchester Art Gallery had received unsolicited and unwelcome attention and how it had been considered a low level of harassment.
In the last conversations there were several consideration about whether the issue of grooming and predatory behaviour in the museum was as serious as some stated or overblown. Some had different views about “Hylas and the Nymphs” and thought it was more about sexual empowerment? Some people seem to subscribe to it being about male mortality. But decisions were made and the show was made ready.
Six Acts comprised of performances by:
1. Artist Lasana Shabazz was invited to respond to this painting Othello the moor of Venice 1826 by James Northcote Originally titled the Moor, meaning the Black or the Negro. Drawing ideas of the dandy of cross dressing or black face or it’s reversed white face. Lasana lead the audience on what was to become a bawdy and carnivalesque evening.
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2. Michael Atkins as Cheddar Gorgeous as Unicorn a response to “Eve tempted lady in the night by John Spencer Stanhope 1877 What are unicorn did was to engage audience members by Sharing apples.
3. Dan Wallace as Anna Phylactic the Mad hatters responded to. Syrinx by Ather Hacker 1872,s he became the fairground master of ceremonies inviting audience members to peep through his structure to look at the painting Syrinx. The mad hatter draw attention to the relationship between the nymph and the nymphomaniac.
4. Catherine Simpkins as Vienna Venus as nymph insisted on audience members take one of the intimate polaroid portraits hanging on her self in response to the painting Hylas and the nymphs
5. John Roberts as liquorice black as Sappho painting by Charles August Mengin he sat quietly all night without speaking to anyone screwing up handwritten notes and throwing them on the floor in response to the painting.
6. The museum staff also took part in the performance by removing Hylas and the nymphs, returning it into storage. The blank space was then filled with an explanatory poster and surrounded by post-it notes from the audience members of there thoughts.
What took Boyce by surprise was what took place the days after. They were several newspapers articles about the performance and the taking down of the painting.
But the narrative was mostly negative and it was reduced to iconoclasm of prudish Marxist feminist activists masquerading as serious museum curators, taking offence to mildly erotic images of naked bodies. The museum itself received over 900 comments on its social media. Resulting in many calls for the sacking of the curator as well as death threats. For many it seemed it was seen as a shameless press stunt to promote retrospective exhibition. Within the week due to public pressure the painting was returned to the walls of the gallery.
mag blog post:
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So what went wrong?
The criticism after the painting was removed was overwhelming and the social gang up grow bigger. Many argued that the role of a curator was to be a custodian of cultural heritage. And to some extent this is true but does that end up making limitations for progress?
Boyce said she reflected and after much consideration she thought the act of taking the painting down was an active censorship” and thought widespread conversation would have ensued a different understanding. That maybe engagement of the audience might come before her own inward thinking.
She spoke about how the whole experience made her re-evaluate her conception of social art practice in the wake of contemporary way of communicating.
She admitted that she was not fully aware of social media click bait. And how social mindsets can reflect so differently . Her first response was to be defensive, but she had to listen and understand what people wanted had to always be taken into consideration.  A small cohort of like minded people  can so far from the general  audience. 
My thoughts
I personally loved this talk and had my own retrospective thoughts on how to effects my own practice. Similarly my own practice has its own social separate context that is different from what I’ve come to understand.
There are many who think that the issues surrounding Afro hair are not issues at all.  some believe that wigs and straightening are not appropriation or a form of simulation. I used to be in that frame of thinking myself before I educated myself on the issues. But I also have to take into consideration that the view and reality of artists is different. Our ideologies are scholastic and many of our viewpoints are politicised or loooked at from A polarised viewpoint. 
We can easily live outside of the viewpoint of an audience and assume they see what we see and understand.  we can appoint an audience towards a sort of thought but we have to always remember that they are influenced by different social structures and beliefs. We have to find ways to navigate around their beliefs in a sensitive way that makes them understand what we are trying to convey. There is a thin line between provocative and insulting. And as a female artist there’s always the fear of being criticised as overly feminist by those who do not understand as we have learned to. 
The six acts event was designed to ask questions about beauty ideals and presentation of women. Especially the what the painting Hylas and Nymphs symbolises and the importance to address much issues, I liked how the performance was thought out. In my view the show was very successful regardless. But the sample taking down of the painting changed the whole direction of what the work should’ve been about which was saddening.
And made me aware of the perceptions of public opinion and how they can change the meaning of what are you trying to copy and how artists should be wary of this when making art work. 
but also the whole talk made me think about the work by Gorilla girls.
Art of behaving badly (2018)
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About the poster campaign that they created to target museums The post is still relevant today I’m still in the direction of needs to go in terms of female artists Recognition.
Is it time yet to thinking about changing historical ways in which museum function. As times progress historical ways cause The statistics are alarming in terms of exclusion of women. Is it time to change the face of history.?
Another part of her talk that resonated with me was when Sonia spoke of how she has referred her own artistic practice as parasitic. Because of how it relies on the appropriation and involvement of others to take part in improvised performance.
I thought this was also a good way of me to describe my own work as it also takes a parasitic form in terms of appropriation. I parasitically appropriate images found online and become part of them 
She also spoke about the influence of French philosopher Michel Serres and specifically his booked the parasite. And how that had been incredibly important to how she approached and considered the sense of work with the agency of other people in the here and now. I intend to read this book she made it sound very fascinating to me.
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maximelebled · 3 years
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2019 & 2020
Hello everyone! So yeah, this yearly blog post is about three... four months late... it covers two years now.
I did have a lot of things written last year, last time, but the more things have changed, the more I’ve realized that a lot of things I talked about on here... were because I lacked enough of a social life to want to open up on here.
In a less awkwardly-phrased way, what I’m saying is, I was coping.
Not an easy thing to admit to in public by any means, but I reckon it’s the truth. Over the past two years, I’ve made more of an effort to build better & healthier friendships, dial back my social media usage a bit (number 1 coping strategy), not tie all my friendships to games I play, especially Dota (number 2 coping strategy), so that I could be more emotionally healthy overall. 
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Pictured: me looking a whole lot like @dril on the outside, although not so much on the inside. (Photo by my lovely partner.)
To some degree, I believe it’s important to be able to talk about yourself a bit more openly in a way that is generally not encouraged nor made easy on other social networks (looking at you, Twitter). I know that 2010-me would be scared to approach 2020-me; and it’s my hope that what I am writing here would not help him with that, but also help him become less of an insecure dweeb faster. 😉
Not that recent accomplishments have stopped me from being any less professionally anxious. Sometimes the impostor syndrome just morphs into... something else.
Anyway, what I’m getting at is, the first reason it took me until this year to finish last year’s post is because, with my shift in perspective, and these realizations about myself, I do want to keep a lot more things private... or rather, it’s that I don’t feel the need to share them anymore? And that made figuring out what to write a fair bit harder.
The other reason I didn’t write sooner is because, in 2018, I wrote my "year in review” post right before I became able to talk about my then-latest cool thing (my work on Valve’s 2018 True Sight documentary). So I then knew I’d have to bring it up in the 2019 post. But then, I was asked to work on the 2019 True Sight documentary, and I know it was going to air in late January 2020, so I was like, “okay, well, whatever, it, I’ll just write this yearly recap after that, so I don’t miss the coach this time”. So I just ended up delaying it again until I was like... “okay, whatever, I’ll just do both 2019 and 2020 in a single post.”
I think I can say I’ve had the privilege of a pretty good 2019, all things considered. And also of a decent 2020, given the circumstances. Overall, 2019 was a year of professional fulfillment; here’s a photo taken of me while I was managing the augmented reality system at The International 2019! (The $35 million dollar Dota 2 tournament that was held, this that year, in Shanghai.)
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If I’d shown this to myself 10 years ago it would’ve blown my mind, so I guess things aren’t all that bad...!
I’ve brought up two health topics in these posts before: weight & sleep.
As for the first, the situation is still stable. If it is improving, it is doing so at a snail’s pace. But quite frankly, I haven’t put in enough effort into it overall. Even though I know my diet is way better than it was five or six years ago, I’ve only just really caught up with the “how it should have been the entire time” stage. It is a milestone... but not necessarily an impressive one. Learning to cook better things for myself has been very rewarding and fulfilling, though. It’s definitely what I’d recommend if you need to find a place to start.
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As for sleep, throughout 2019, I continued living 25-hour days for the most part. There were a few weeks during which I slowed down the process, but it continued on going. Then, in late December of 2019, motivated by the knowledge that sleep is such a foundational pillar of your health, I figured I really needed to take things seriously, and I managed to go on a three month streak of mostly-stable sleep! (See the data above.)
Part of what helped was willingly stopping to use my desktop computer once it got too late in the day, avoiding Dota at the end of the day as much as possible, and anything exciting for that matter... and, as much as that sounds like the worst possible stereotype, trying to “listen to my body” and recognizing when I was letting stress and anxiety build up inside me, and taking a break or trying to relax.
Also, a pill of melatonin before going to bed; but even though it’s allegedly not a problem to take melatonin, I figured I should try to rely on it as little as possible.
Unfortunately, that “good sleep” streak was abruptly stopped by a flu-like illness... it might have been Covid-19. The symptoms somewhat matched up, but I was lucky: they were very mild. I fully recovered in just over a week. I coughed a bit, but not that much. If it really was that disease, then I got very lucky.
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(Pictured: another photo by my lovely SO, somewhere in Auvergne.)
My sleep continued to drift back to its 25-hour rhythm, and I only started resuming these efforts towards the fall... mostly because living during the night felt like a better option with the summer heat (no AC here). I thought about doing that the other way (getting up at 3am instead of going to bed at 7am), and while it’d make more sense temperature-wise, that would have kept me awake when there were practically no people online, and I was trying to have a better social life then, even if had to be purely online due to the coronavirus, so... yeah.
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I’ve been working from home since 2012! I also lived alone for a number of years since then. For the most part, it hasn’t been a great thing for my mental health. Having had a taste of what being in an office was like thanks to a couple weeks in the Valve offices, I had the goal of beginning to apply at a few places here and there in March/April. Then the pandemic hit, so those plans are dead in the water. I wanted 2020 to be the year in which I’d finally stop being fully remote, but those plans are now dead in the water.
Now, at the end of the year, I don’t really know if I want to apply at any places. There’s a small handful of studios whose work really resonates with me, creatively speaking, and whose working conditions seem to be alright, at least from what I hear... but, and I swear I’m saying this in the least braggy way possible... there’s very little that beats having been able to work on what I want, when I want, and how much I want.
This kind of freelance status can be pretty terrifying sometimes, but I’ve managed (with some luck, of course) to reach a safe balance, a point at which I’ve effectively got this luxury of being able to only really work on what I want, and never truly overwork myself (at least by the standards of most of the gaming industry). It’s a big privilege and I feel like it’d take a lot to give it up.
Besides the things I mentioned before, one thing I did that drastically improved my mental health was being introduced to a new lovely group of friends by my partner! I started playing Dungeons & Dragons with them, every weekend or so! And in the spirit of a rising tide lifting all boats, I managed to also give back to our lovely DM, by being a sort of “AM” (audio manager)... It’s been great having something to look forward to every week.
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Something to look forward to... I’ve heard about the concept of “temporal anchors”. I had heard about how the reason our adult years suddenly pass by in a blur is because we now have more “time” that’s already in our brains, but now I’m more convinced that it’s because we’re going from a very school routine such as the one schools impose upon us, to, well... practically nothing.
I thought most of my years since 2011 have been a blur, but none have whooshed by like 2020 has, and I reckon part of that is because I’ve (obviously) gone out far far less, and most importantly there wasn’t The Big Summer Event That The International Is, the biggest yearly “temporal anchor” at my disposal. The anticipation and release of those energies made summer feel a fair bit longer... and this year, summer was very much a blur for me. In and out like the wind.
I guess besides that, I haven’t really had that much trouble with being locked down. I had years of training for that, after all. Doesn’t feel like I can complain. 😛
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(Pictured: trip to Chicago in January of 2019... right when the polar vortex hit!)
Work was good in 2019, and sparser in 2020. Working with Valve again after the 2018 True Sight was a very exciting opportunity. At the time, in February of 2019, I was out with my partner on little holiday trips around my region, and, after night fell, on the way back, we decided to stop in a wide open field, on a tiny countryside path, away from the cities, to try and do some star-gazing, without light pollution getting in the way.
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And it’s there and then that I received their message, while looking at the stars with my SO! The timing and location turned that into a very vivid memory...
I then got to spend a couple weeks in their offices in late April / early May. I was able to bring my partner along with me to Washington State, and we did some sightseeing on the weekends.
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(Pictured: part of a weekend trip in Washington. This was a dried up lakebed.)
After that, I worked on the Void Spirit trailer in the lead to The International. In August, those couple weeks in Shanghai were intense. Having peeked behind the curtain and seen everything that goes into production really does give me a much deeper appreciation for all the work that goes unseen. 
Then after that, in late 2019, there was my work on the yearly True Sight documentary, for the second time. In 2018, I’d been tasked with making just two animated sequences, and I was very nervous since that was my first time working directly with Valve; my work then was fairly “sober”, for lack of a better term.
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(Pictured: view from my hotel room in Shanghai.)
For the 2019 edition, I had double the amount of sequences on my plate, and they were very trusting of me, which was very reassuring. I got to be more technically ambitious, I let my style shine through (you know... if it’s got all these gratuitous light beams, etc.), and it was real fun to work on.
At the premiere in Berlin, I was sitting in the middle of the room (in fact, you could spot me in the pre-show broadcast behind SirActionSlacks; unfortunately I had forgotten to bring textures for my shirt). Being in that spot when my shots started playing, and hearing people laughing and cheering at them... that’s an unforgettable memory. The last time I had experienced something like that was having my first Dota short film played at KeyArena in 2015, the laughter of the crowd echoing all around me... I was shaking in my seat. Just remembering it gets my heart pumping, man. It’s a really unique feeling.
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So I’m pretty happy with how that work came out. I came out of it having learned quite a few new tricks too, born out of necessity from my technical ambitions. Stuff I intend to put to use again. I’m really glad that the team I worked with at Valve was so kind and great to work with. After the premiere, I received a few more compliments from them... and I did reply, “careful! You might give me enough confidence to apply!”, to which one of them replied, “you totally should, man.” But I still haven’t because I’m a massive idiot, haha. Well, I still haven’t because I don’t think I’m well-rounded enough yet. And also because, like I alluded to before, I think I’m in a pretty good situation as it is.
It’s not the first encouragements I had received from them, too; there had been a couple people from the Dota team who, at the end of my two week stay in the offices, while I was on my way out, told me I should try applying. But again, I didn’t apply because I’m a massive idiot.
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(Pictured: view from the Valve offices.)
To be 200% frank, even though there’s been quite a few people who’ve followed my work throughout the years, comments on Reddit and YouTube, etc. who’ve all said things along the lines of “why aren’t you working for them ?”, well... it’s not something I ever really pursued. I know it’s a lot of people’s dream job, but I never saw it that way. I feel like, if it ever happened to me... sure, that could be cool! But I don’t know if it’s something I really want, or even that I should want?
And if you add “being unsure” to what I consider to be a lack of experience in certain things, well... I really don’t think I’d be a good candidate (yet?), and having seen how busy these people are on the inside, the last thing I want to do is waste their time with a bad application. That would be the most basic form of courtesy I can show to them.
Besides, Covid-19 makes applying to just about any job very hard, if not outright impossible right now. And for a while longer, I suspect.
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(Pictured: the Tuilière & Sanadoire rocks.)
I’m still unhappy about the amount of “actual animation” I get to do overall since I like to work on just about every step of the process in my videos, but well. It’s getting better. One thing I am happy with though, is “solving problems”. And new challenges. Seeking the answers to them, and making myself be able to see those problems, alongside entire projects, from a more “holistic” way, that is to say, not missing the forest for the trees.
It’s hard to explain, and even just the use of the term “holistic” sounds like some kind of pompous cop-out... but looking back on how I handled projects 5 years ago vs. now, I see the differences in how I think about problems a lot. And to some extent I do have my time on Valve contracts to thank a LOT in helping me progress there.
Anyway, I’m currently working on a project that I’m very interested & creativefuly fulfilled by. But it has nothing to do with animation nor Dota, for a change! There are definitely at least two other Dota short films I want to make, though. We’ll see how that goes.
Happy new year & take care y’all.
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Lentils’ 2020 Christmas Movie Rankings
My wife and I watched a lot of Christmas movies this year, and I thought it would be fun to rank them based on which ones I think were most watchable and enjoyable. I’ve left out a few that we watched during this time period, which are classic Christmas movies (Miracle on 34th Street), action movies set at Christmas (Kiss Kiss Bang Bang and Iron Man 3), or older romances set around Christmas (While You Were Sleeping and You’ve Got Mail), because it’s not fair to rank these amongst, well, some of the movies we saw.
my top 5, for those of you who don’t like reading (which is fair): The Princess Switch: Switched Again, Dashing in December, The Princess Switch, Jingle Jangle, Happiest Season.
my top 3 Chaotic Christmas Movies: A New York Christmas Wedding, 12 Pups of Christmas, The Princess Switch: Switched Again. Please watch these movies if you enjoy chaotic plots. Please especially watch the first two I listed because holy shit my summaries do not properly convey the chaos.
The Princess Switch: Switched Again (2020): Some people on the internet have been VERY RUDE about this movie and I’m sorry they don’t appreciate a true chaotic holiday gem when they see it. This movie involves two Vanessa Hudgenses, Scheduled Vanessa and Spontaneous Vanessa, who are distant cousins and not twins, switching places to try to facilitate Spontaneous Vanessa getting back together with her ex the baker, but Scheduled Vanessa is intercepted by a third cousin Vanessa, Horny Vanessa, who wants to take Spontaneous Vanessa’s place as queen. I don’t want to spoil anything that happens in this movie so that you can experience the batshittery for yourself, but I found every second absolutely delightful. It also has two very good romantic couples who are cute and who genuinely seem to like each other, which is not something I can say for every movie on this list!
Dashing in December (2020): This movie has gay cowboys, is set on a ranch, and features a squaredancing scene, so if that isn’t your bag, you are probably not going to like it very much. I found it deeply charming and the only reason it isn’t #1 is that three quarters of the way through, the lead suddenly turns back into a giant jerk for no real reason and that was very upsetting. But it all works out in the end. The main romance is very cute, there are horses, the horsemanship doesn’t totally suck ass, and there are some fun side characters. It’s not reinventing the wheel, but it’s pleasant.
The Princess Switch (2018): Again, some people are mean about this movie and they shouldn’t be because it is CUTE GODDAMMIT. It is absolutely The Prince and the Pauper but with two Vanessa Hudgenses, but also, it shows the aforementioned two good romantic couples falling in love and they are delightful. I am not saying this is a great masterpiece of romance, but the filmmakers actually tried to give these characters reasons to like each other, which, again, is not true for some of the movies on this list.\
Jingle Jangle (2020): I kind of feel bad putting this movie on the same list as TV movies that were obviously just shit out by Hallmark or whoever, because this clearly had a lot of love and heart put into it, and it really shows. I was so immediately charmed by this movie that I didn’t even mind when it immediately went in very silly directions. I don’t know if the plot makes sense at all (a cute robot shows up for seemingly no reason other than that cute robots are fun!) but it doesn’t have to, because everyone is having so much fun and there’s so much joy in this movie that I was just happy to be along for the ride. Also, I would love to see an entire movie in the stop-motion style from the opening scene.
Happiest Season (2020): I absolutely understand why some people didn’t like this movie, and I don’t want anyone to feel like they can’t dislike it, and also, it’s MY movie, and I love it, and I’m not interested in fighting about it. It helped me come out to my parents and also featured two of my faves kissing and that’s all I need. 
Noelle (2019): I was previously under the impression this movie was bad, and I don’t know why, because it’s a little embarrassing and cheesy at times, but it’s sweet. I suspect what will make or break it for you is if you like Anna Kendrick, and because I like Anna Kendrick, I like watching her play a neurotic Claus sibling trying desperately to fix the problem she accidentally caused. One weird thing though: this movie tried to convince me about halfway through that she was both spoiled and selfish, and I don’t actually think that’s true at all. I think she was a little naive and sheltered and wanted people to like her way too much, but she’s not really shown to be a selfish person - she’s constantly paying attention to other people in the real world and her brother is the one who refused to admit that he wasn’t cut out for the Santa gig and instead fucked off to “find himself” or whatever. It was weird! But anyway, I liked this movie a lot.
I’ll Be Home For Christmas (1998): So this movie...one Christmas Eve when I was in high school, I was having trouble falling asleep for whatever reason so I went downstairs to get some water. My mom happened to have the TV on and this movie was just starting, and she invited me to join her. Fun fact: this movie went to theaters and it stars Jonathan Taylor-Thomas and Jessica Biel. It is one of the dumbest movies I’ve ever seen in my life and at no point does anyone in it actually behave like a human being. It’s about a smooth-talking jackass who has to be bribed to come home for Christmas and then, after one of his dumbass moneymaking schemes lands him in hot water, he gets abandoned in the middle of the California desert wearing a Santa suit and glued-on beard. He then has to beg, lie, and cheat his way home for Christmas dinner so that his dad will give him a vintage Porsche they fixed up together. I have no defense for this character; he is insufferable and only becomes marginally less so by the end of the film. But also, I have to watch this movie every year (usually with my mom, although not this year for obvious reasons) or it doesn’t feel like Christmas. 
A Cinderella Story: Christmas Wish (2019): We own this on DVD and have seen it three times. In our defense, we wanted to support Gregg Sulkin from Runaways and Isabella Gomez from One Day at a Time, both of whom feature prominently in this movie, and also sing songs. This is just Cinderella But At Christmas, and if that doesn’t sound like fun to you, I don’t think anything I can say will change your mind. I will say that the songs are amusingly autotuned, there’s a disabled dog that’s very cute, and I personally think that the leads have slightly better chemistry than some of the pairs on this list. But it is literally just another Cinderella Story movie.
The Knight Before Christmas (2019): This movie is Thor (2011) But At Christmas, and it would have been slightly higher except I always forget about the plot where at the end the knight becomes a cop. Bad, obviously! But anyway, the plot of this movie is: nice but clueless dude crash-lands on Earth for Reasons and bumbles around trying to figure out what’s up, while falling in love with a nice lady. That’s just Thor and you know I’m right. And for as dumb as this movie is, at least it’s ambitious. I have learned that Christmas movies can do one of two things to please me: a) have actors that have decent chemistry and charm and are fully committed to whatever nonsense is going on, or b) have absolutely batshit chaotic plots. This movie is like a 4 out of 5 on the chaos scale and I like it a lot, besides the copaganda. I hope this also gets made into a trilogy and Cole isn’t a cop anymore.
A Christmas Prince 3: The Royal Baby (2019): I will get into my problems with the first two Christmas Prince movies later, but my main criticism is that they are kind of boring and not chaotic enough. This one decided to make up for that by incorporating a missing ancient treaty, a curse, and a ghost, as well as a subplot about Girl Power (I use this semi-ironically) and a subplot about cousin Simon potentially committing treason again. I was so excited that things were happening in this movie the first time I watched it that I may be a little biased, but oh well. Oh, I was also absolutely terrified it was going to be racist and it is...mostly not? There are a few questionable moments but like mostly it’s fine.
Christmas With the Prince (2018): I wanted to watch this because the summary on Netflix did not match the summary on Google at all, and that’s because, uh, they’re both sort of right? Ostensibly this movie is about a pediatric oncologist who comes back into contact with an old almost-flame, who just happens to be the prince of a tiny European country, because he fucked up his leg and needs somewhere private to stay. And apparently a pediatric oncology ward is the best place for that? But then after they fall in love this random Russian lady shows up and is like “that’s my fiance.” This happens maybe twenty minutes from the end. Anyway, this movie isn’t great but I liked the lead guy way more than I thought I would and it has some cute kids in it.
A New York Christmas Wedding (2020): I...am at a loss for words to describe this...motion picture. On the surface it is a cute idea: a young Black woman, Jennifer, is getting married to her boyfriend on Christmas Eve, but she’s given a chance by her guardian angel (stay with me) to go back in time and redo her life, after losing touch with her childhood best friend, Gabrielle, who she was always in love with but never confessed her feelings to. She wakes up in an alternate timeline, where she and Gabrielle have been together for years and her beloved father is still alive. Then the movie, uh...veers off into some very odd places! They go to their Catholic priest and ask him to marry them, and he is like “but the Bible” and they are like “but that’s bullshit” and he’s like “shrug” and then later during a sermon he’s like “actually that IS bullshit, everyone gay in this church come stand up here with me. We love you. Also we’re going to perform a wedding now” and then he marries Jennifer and Gabrielle. And then Jennifer’s angel shows up and is like “you have to choose between this life and your old life now” and then uh...I really hate to spoil this next thing. It is the weirdest choice I’ve ever seen a movie make and if you’re even the slightest bit interested in this movie, I think you should experience this plot point for yourself. I’m going to put the batshit spoiler in ROT13 in case you want to avoid spoiling yourself. (GJ: fhvpvqr) Wraavsre'f thneqvna natry erirnyf gung ur vf gur fba bs Tnoevryyr, jub va gur bevtvany gvzryvar tbg certanag nf n grra naq ure snzvyl frag ure gb n ahaarel. Fur zvfpneevrq naq fhofrdhragyl qvrq ol fhvpvqr. Uvf anzr vf Nmenry Tnovfba. Anyway, uh, this movie isn’t very good, unfortunately, the adult leads have no chemistry and Gabrielle’s adult self is actively unlikable (the teen versions of them are cute!), but I think it’s 1000% worth a watch for the sheer chaos of it all. I...recommend it for that, I guess? Oh, also there’s a sex scene that plays a slow sexy version of “O Christmas Tree” in the background and I felt like I was losing my mind. 
A Christmas Prince: The Royal Wedding (2018): As I said in my commentary on the third movie in this series, the worst sin this movie commits is being kind of boring. It also manages to make the romantic hero, Richard, even worse than in the first movie, where he was just kind of useless and petulant, because in this movie he is actively failing to do anything to revive the failing economy of his country. I have seen people complain that the prince in The Princess Switch and Cole in The Knight Before Christmas have no personalities; they are delightful compared to the wet paper bag of a man in this movie. Rose McIver is adorable and I don’t think any of this is her fault, she’s doing her best in these movies, but woof.
12 Pups of Christmas (2019): The Google summary of this movie, which we found on Hulu, is this: “Struggling to keep his dog GPS locator company afloat, Martin expects his new hire, Erin, to help him save the company and find homes for 12 puppies that were left behind after a photo shoot. As they work together, Erin and Martin begin to discover each other's positive qualities and find love just in time for the holidays.” My wife and I love dogs, so we put this on, expecting cute dogs. This movie contains approximately 80% chaos and 20% cute dogs. It opens with our heroine, a canine therapist, coming home from work to have dinner with her fiance and best friend. We find out that Erin and fiance are moving to California soon for her new job (they live in New York). Fast forward a few days to their courthouse wedding, at which point her fiance and best friend confess to having an affair, and she is dumped. Heartbroken, she moves to California alone, and ends up moving into the company-provided house. It is just a two-story house (??) that the CEO’s sister owns (???) and rents out to employees (????). Also Erin is, as the Google summary says, expected to come up with some grand idea to save the company. And there are 12 random puppies also. They are cute puppies. Oh, also Martin, the CEO of the dog collar company, hates dogs for some reason. Martin’s sister is aggressively friendly towards Erin in a way that I interpreted as sapphic. At one point, after they find a home for dog #3, Erin’s former BFF shows up on her doorstep (?????) begging to be let in. She insists that the fiance was also two-timing her, and she has proof that he had FIVE OTHER GIRLFRIENDS ALL AROUND THE COUNTRY - “that’s why he’s a traveling businessman”!!!! Erin never asks to see her proof, but I guess she believes her, because she lets her inside and then makes her take care of the remaining eight dogs out of spite. I guess they make up at some point. Anyway, somewhere in here Erin and Martin are starting to fall in love and also come up with a way to rebrand the business, so hooray for them. We also learn that the reason Martin hates dogs is that his beloved childhood dog, uh, ran away? Disappeared? Got eaten? He insists that “not knowing [what happened to him] was the worst part,” but I was out here expecting to see the child finding an actual dead dog like it’s John Wick or something so this was a little anticlimactic. They go on a business trip to New York talk with Important Japanese Investors, during which they fuck (it is? romantic? allegedly?), and then the morning of their meeting Erin’s shitty ex shows up in the hotel lobby to bother her. Martin decks him square in the face for not leaving her alone, and then someone calls the cops, because I guess this movie said ACAB, and both dudes get arrested and Erin has to do the presentation alone. And then in the last five minutes Martin gets out of jail and Erin says that she gave the presentation to the investors...in English, and their translator was twenty minutes late, and so the investors understood none of what she said. Thankfully we are spared actually seeing this “joke,” but they do play racist music over her explanation. Then Martin reconnects with his rich dad who bails out the company instead, and also he adopts the four remaining dogs. This movie was fucking bananas and very bad and I need more people to understand exactly how bad. Watch this movie.
A Nutcracker Christmas (2016): Amy Acker has two Christmas movies and this one seemed more palatable than Dear Santa, so here we are. I like to watch Amy Acker be cute and dance, and she has an adorable teenage niece in this movie that she’s helped raise. In this movie she’s a former ballet dancer whose sister (hilariously, one of the Wynonna Earp lesbians) died in a tragic car accident, and she never got to dance the part of the Sugarplum Fairy. Spoiler alert: she gets to by the end of the movie. Unfortunately the love interest is basically Satan incarnate and does not deserve her at all, so unless you like yelling at romantic leads I can’t really recommend it. 
Godmothered (2020): This movie is just, uh, Enchanted but worse, and also it should have been sapphic and it isn’t? Poor Jillian Bell is doing her best and is adorable, but it’s not enough to save this movie for me. If Disney were not cowards she would have fallen in love with single mom Isla Fisher. Oh, it also ends with the very white younger daughter doing a public cover of “Rise Up” by Andra Day that the audience joins in on, which, considering its use in the BLM movement the last couple years, felt, uh, not great to me.
A Christmas Prince (2017): It’s maybe not far to compare this to the rest of the Netflix Christmas Cinematic Universe, because it was the originator. But also, it’s pretty boring. Sorry. Simon, or Fiddles (Fake Hiddles/Tom Hiddleston) is the best character.
Married by Christmas (2016): Apparently an alternate title for this is The Engagement Clause, which is sort of funny. Anyway, this has Jes Macallan and we, being big fans of Legends of Tomorrow, lost our shit when we found this on Christmas Day and had to watch it. The plot is that Jes’ character runs the family business, but their shitty grandma died and left a clause in her will where the business goes to the husband of whichever granddaughter gets married first. You would think that Jes’ sister and her fiance would postpone their Christmas Eve wedding to give Jes time to set up some kind of platonic wedding for business purposes, since Jes’ entire life is this stupid business, but nope, they immediately turn into monsters who are determined to get their hands on the business for ???? reasons???? It’s not very good, as you can tell by how low it is on the list. Jes Macallan is not a convincing straight businesswoman. I wouldn’t even really enjoy this movie as an Avalance AU.
A Princess for Christmas (2011): Here we are, the worst one Christmas movie I watched this year. I don’t actively harbor any ill will towards Katie McGrath, although I confess to feeling a bit “her?” but it’s fine. I was hoping this movie would enlighten me to her appeal. Instead, this movie actively got on my nerves in multiple ways, including trying to pass Katie McGrath off as a normal American retail worker instead of an Irish vampire/sorceress/supervillain/fairy/whatever she is. Her accent is shockingly awful, which I’m not sure is actually her fault, is there a reason her family wasn’t just British? That wouldn’t have saved the movie but it would have made it just slightly more palatable. At every turn it makes the worst choices, including a scene where Katie’s character puts on a rap song and she and the prince dance to it in an attempt to show them “loosening up,” and then the mean grandfather comes in and demands that they “turn this ghetto music off.” YIKES. I know these movies are the whitest movies ever by design but was that racism necessary? The only Black people I actually saw in this movie were some of the servants, I think? Speaking of the servants, at the end of the movie there’s a grand ball and Katie’s dress gets fucked up, and she’s about to leave the country, and then the servants are like “don’t go! We pooled our money to buy you another nice dress!” which, also yikes! This movie has a real classism problem. It also was so boring I zoned out of it multiple times, and I have sat through Manos: The Hands of Fate and Birdemic multiple times. This movie has no chaos whatsoever and I hated all the characters. 0/10 do not recommend under any circumstances.
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lachlann-macnab · 3 years
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BDRP 2020 QUESTIONNAIRE
Your Name: Jean
Characters: Lachlann “Launchpad” MacNab
Pick one of your characters and talk about their growth. What about their story has surprised you? What are you proud of? How have they changed from their original inception to now?
Well, Launchpad is relatively new so he’s still pretty much the same as I envisioned him from the start-
-though I’ll admit that the idea of him having an enormous crush on Seamus/Scrooge was a surprise. I think it only took a couple of little chats with Sav and familiarizing myself with Seamus’ story for him to go “yes!! that’s the one I love!! let me at him!!”.
The funny thing is that it just kind of happened but also has a degree of canonicity to it; Granted, Ducktales ‘17 (the canon that got me into the Duckverse) didn’t delve a whole lot on the relationship those two have...but Ducktales ‘87 does and it’s fucking beautiful. 
But I didn’t know that! I was just familiar with the newest canon -exploring the relationship led me to the older canon and I absolutely love it! I love the way the older version of LP is equal parts silly and capable and I try my best to express that nice balance on my interpretation.
And I wouldn’t have found that sweet spot if it hadn’t been for Sav and Seamus!
Pick another character (or the same character if you only have one) and talk a little about where you WANT them to go. What are your plans for them going into the new year?
Oooh man, this is probably going to sound rude of me, but I want someone to call Launchpad out on his shit.
He is a happy-go-lucky man, he is positive, he does think the best of everyone right from the start, he is honest with that, but there’s also a degree of performativity to the way he interacts with people: he is a people pleaser and he’s also someone who avoids problems/confrotation when possible.
That leads to him having a hard time actually voicing what he thinks when things were serious. Launchpad will default to what he thinks is the most noble/the best option even if he actually hates it. He tries his best to be a reliable dude, but that pushes him to his limits every now and then -and he hates it, but will do it anyways.
I’d love for someone to notice that and point out his marthyr complex to him, or how hypocritical he can actually be when noone is looking. 
Jun did an amazing job at that, with the whole Moon Market incident and that is part of why I love his characterization and- I could rant about how Jun and LP are actually similar, yet different, but I won’t.
Someone please bitchslap my idiot son and tell him to be honest with his feelings, maybe get him to confront his feelings of inadequacy, maybe get him to actually face his problems instead of running away from them, kthanxs.
Pick a thread or a plot that you’re proud of and talk about why you loved it.
I have three threads I absolutely love, each for different reasons:
*Cleanliness is next to... with Jun: Jun called my idiot son out on his ‘noble man’ act. Jun was not impressed with his efforts and pushed him to an actual mini-meltdown because Launchpad didn’t know what to do or say to try and make things better: Launchpad is so used to having his way around people that the moment someone was inmune to all his tricks he...lost it. Big time. And I loved it.
*Untitled with Eilonwy: Both of them clicked instantly and- oh, man, I can’t really express what I feel about it, but:
Launchpad feels an actual, honest, connection to Eilonwy in various ways: both of them are a little bit weird, both of them are learning, both of them were kind of kicked out their comfort zones, both of them love adventure, both of them are fearless (in different ways), but there’s also a curious father-daughter dynamic to them. Eilonwy lacked not only a father figure but also a general actual caring adult one and I guess that’s part of what draws her to LP, while LP is a naturally caring man who also, (betweem the two of us), loves feeling like a good-ish role model instead of the dude people tell you to avoid because he’s an idiot, he loves looking out for people, he loves being understood -and Eilonwy, surprisingly, understands him without even trying. 
They are so very sweet, they just clicked and both of them learn new things with the other: both about themselves and the world. And I love it.    
*Dressed to the nines with Seamus: a.k.a “the one in which Sav let me go absolutely fucking ham”: It began with a chat about the need of gratious fanservice involving Seamus wearing (and getting out of) a suit -but soon became something else thanks to the Halloween task.
We soon got the ball rolling and Black Annis happened in a stupidly organic way (her very modus operandi, I discovered kind of late during the creation, ties way too well with the thread’s title itself and I’ll never get over it), and the mix of terror and action just naturally pushed the rest of the plot into the catharsis Seamus needed after all the stuff he’s been through.
The thread gave us the opportunity to write some mindless comedy, some yearning, some tenderness, plenty of gore, blood, trauma, legit PTSD, then back to tenderness and silliness -while also mentioning and showing a good deal of the things that have made Seamus the man he currently is, with the pretty and the ugly of it.  
I just think it was an amazing character exploration for both Seamus and Lachlann, and I enjoyed every bit of it. I love Sav’s writing, I love Seamus’ characterization, I love how naturally it all evolved, I love how Sav can casually bring something up while plotting and the thing just clicks into place, I love how we just kind of understand where things are going or where we want them to go. Sav’s just amazing at brainstorming and general writing and I feel really, really lucky to have the chance to write with her.
I have no choice but to stan, really.
 And I could go on and on about how the thread pushed both Seamus and Lachlann towards some big character development, but I really don’t want to rant -so I’ll leave it like this.
In terms of your own writing, identify 1-3 strengths and talk about why you think it’s one of your strengths.
Gee, that’s a difficult one. I guess my strongest suit as of now would be Launchpad’s voice as a character -and I’m not only talking about dialogue.
I think everyone that has read any of my threads has noticed by now that the flow of the narration is an extension of how Launchpad himself feels and thinks: it’s chaotic and emotional, it can get self-conscious and snarky when he, himself, can’t, it brings some exposition while not breaking the simple, chaotic rythm of Launchpad per-se.
In terms of your own writing, identify 1-3 areas of improvement.
This is way easier for me to pinpoint, hah! I definitely need to work on the length of my posts: I know seeing paragraphs upon paragraphs upon paragraphs can make people tired or make them feel intimidated to interact. 
I also need to work on organizing Launchpad’s chaotic thoughts. The narration does get long-winded and sometimes the progression from point A to point B is way too chaotic -so much so that actually erasing it all would make no impact on the overall narration. 
Pick one of your plots, or even just a character, and come up with a list of 3-5 “mentor texts” where you can look for inspiration or research, then write a short (2-4 sentences) why you picked those texts. 
Not texts per-se, but I think a good way to get a feel of Launchpad’s general vibe is to watch “Top Duck” from Ducktales ‘87 and/or “The Duck Knight Returns” and “Double-o-duck in: You only crash twice”; Those episodes do an amazing job in expressing his insecurities and passions.
Now, leaving the source material behind, I think a book he resonates with is “Oh, the Places You'll Go!” by Dr. Seuss -it’s fun, it’s simple and it has an overall heartwarming message: It kind of captures that sense of wonder, discovery and positivity Launchpad both has and wishes to offer other people. 
Another inspiration of sorts for Launchpad is Ferry’s “Parties are for losers” series: First of all, I’ll admit I’m a sucker for the Strugatsky brothers and СТАЛКЕР, so it’s no surprise I’m in love with Ferry’s interpretation of the story; I see a little bit of LP in KT’s story, but also in Yura’s and, surprisingly, in Olga’s. 
PAFL’s setting is different, yet similar, to the Soviet sci-fi original: it deals with some disenchantment, it’s far from idealistic, it’s rough, but it’s also full of wonder and adventure: there’s big risks, but there’s also a good deal of things that make things, if not better, a little bit less miserable for the characters -and sometimes that something that keeps them going is other’s presence. PAFL is, for me, the inspiration for adventures that aren’t always glamourous, simple, or happy, taken by characters that are far from perfect, that have the odds against them, that carry a whole lot of baggage and, yet, prevail.
And, finally, a last inspiration for Launchpad, my lovable idiot son, comes from probably the place one would expect the least: God of War (2018).
I’m also a sucker for God of War, sue me.  
I know it may seem bizare, but the message of the game just clicks with LP -and before you start wondering how in hell Kratos could possibly inspire Launchpad just let me tell you: he doesn’t. Because it’s not about Kratos I’m refering to when I talk about that story! I’m actually thinking of Mimir!
I love him so much.
Mimir’s role on the game is multifacetic: he brings exposition and ocasional comedic relief, sure, but I see him as the heart of the interactions between Kratos and Atreus (Kratos’ son, for those who may not know). Kratos is emotionally repressed and keeps to himself a lot while Atreus is a bundle of joy, energy, curiosity and someone that doesn’t think ‘because I say so’ is a valid answer to things; Kratos and Atreus clash during the first part of the game even when they love one another in their very particular ways.
In comes Mimir.
Mimir(’s head) joins the party and takes upon himself to act as a bridge between emotional distant father and young naive fearless son and...things start working for the three of them! Kratos starts understanding Atreus! Atreus slowly understands his father’s worries and needs! They begin the story as (almost) complete strangers but by the end they have an actual bond thanks to Mimir’s constant pushing and interventions: Mimir is soft with Atreus but bold with Kratos, the man knows when to joke and throw some riské comments for the chaos of it, but he’s also the first to offer words of comfort and understanding. 
The man becomes part of the family even when he isn’t related to them by blood, even going so far as to give a ‘no, take me instead!’ when presented with the opportunity by a pair of enemies, even when his whole story tells us that he thinks of the idea of dealing with those people (won’t say who, because spoilers) as worse than death -the man hates the mere idea of going back but doesn’t hesitate a second to offer himself as a sacrifice for his new family.
And, damn, that’s what I base my interpretation of Launchpad on. He’s not a part of the family per-se but he constantly acts as a bridge between the youngest and more idealistic parts of it and the jaded, older, tired one; He’s happy to be comedic relief but will also sit and give anyone a pep talk when absolutely necessary -he knows his limitations but keeps trying and offering his best for those he cares about. He tries to be the heart.
I’m emotional about a disembodied head, don’t touch me. Play God of War (2018), it’s fucking amazing.
And now, a wishlist!: 
I’m...actually up for everything and anything, really. I’d love some adventures, but I also love the more mundane interactions, I love the heavier topics but also the silly moments. 
I guess, as I said before, the one thing I’d really love is for someone to push Launchpad to be honest about his feelings. Also a plot about him either considering to or actually flying again -those, however, will happen in due time and I have no rush to make ‘em.
Why do you RP?
Short explanation?: I love writing and reading.
Longer explanation?: I love writing and reading, I love complex characterizations, I love exploring new ideas and seeing how little plot bunnies become full fledged plots and/or character explorations or bring some character development, I love how that creates a domino effect with the rest of the cast. I love to see things happen: I love watching from afar as other’s characters learn lessons, create and conect-
-also, I write and read all day, everyday: that’s my job. I do script revisionism and organizational comunication. During work hours I have to check the flow of words, tones, and overall intentions; I have to do my best to make sure someone’s idea fits the box, but RPing gives me the opportunity to take the box and toss it out of the window. RPing gives me the chance to write freely, to write silly, to be imperfect and not worry about going from A to B or dealing with a checklist or tones, intentions or other’s ideas. 
It’s just freeing. And that’s why I do (and love) it.
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asteriuszenith · 4 years
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VT Investigation Files: POI Files: Miz Cardozo
(Masterpost)
Account/s
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Updated As Of:
8/2/2020
Note/s:
Miz Cardozo’s Statement Regarding The Cases Filed Against Her as Well As Her Response To the Call Out Posts
On the Topic of Names
Dr. Cardozo’s full name is Misericordia Cardozo.
Misericordia is the Latin word for “mercy” which is derived from misericors, ‘merciful’, which in turn is also derived from the words misereri, ‘to pity’, and cor, ‘heart’. I find it quite ironic that she is named that considering it appears that Cardozo is anything but merciful now that facts of her apparent misdeeds and actions regarding different horrible events are being dug out in plain view for the world to see.
Perhaps that itself is one of the reasons why Nocturne and Cassie compared her to that of a Wolf.
Cardozo itself originates from the surname ‘Cardoso’. It came from the old Portuguese and in english, the name’s meaning translates to ‘a field full of thistles’.
2017: A Truthful Confession?
In November 2017, an entire month after the upheaval that had been Adrian Carter’s death, the world began to buzz like a beehive full of angry bees when Dr. Miz Cardozo came forward to confess that she had been hiding a dark secret that she had been unable to utter when her boss had been alive primarily because said boss was the reason why she had to keep silent in fear of his retribution that would certainly ruin her career, reputation, and life.
Miz Cardozo admitted to the entire world at large that she had been sexually harassed by Adrian Carter for the years she had been working under him when he was still alive.
The world had been horrified—scandalized—that the genius Montauk leader that led so many innovations had been That type of person.
2018: What Happened In Rosemary Road?
In 2018, Rosemary Road which is a mental illness treatment facility in which Miz Cardozo had been working at, had gone under critical view as its dehumanizing treatment of its patients had been revealed to the world’s judging eyes. The doctor and current CEO of Montauk came under fire as the way she had treated one of her patients—Jak Richard—was made public. Doctor Cardozo’s subpar treatment of the patient’s nyctophobia (the extreme or irrational fear of the night or of the darkness) which involved locking him within a dark room and refusing to release him even as he had begged her to do so disgusted many people. However, her actions did not just end there. She had also been linked to the illegal surgery of one Derrick Brody which had been believed to have worsened his state.
In an answering post created by the doctor in 2019 as a response to Cassandra Carter and Nocturne’s callout posts, she defended herself for her actions in Rosemary Road as well as denied full responsibility for some of them. She claimed that she and a lot of the staff in the facility had been forced to do such extremely morally dubious measures due to severe pressure from the higher ups to produce immediate results. She also claimed that the people should not immediately believe the words of their patients such as Jak Richards for they are prone to charming and lying in order to exaggerate events in order to get people to take their side.
With regards to Derrick Brody’s illegal surgery, she said that she was not his main doctor and that it had been a man named Dr. Henrik Von Schneeplestein who had been the one to lead and perform the illegal surgery procedure on Mr. Brody. She claimed that the doctor came to her one day seeking her counsel regarding the procedure and she had told the doctor that the procedure has a small percentage of succeeding however it also has a possibility of providing good results and improving Mister Brody’s health. After which Dr. Schneeplestein apparently lied to her and the other members of the surgical team that the board had given him the go ahead to perform the procedure on Mister Brody. Basically, she’s foisting off the entire fault to the other doctor.
Unfortunately for her and for everybody who wants to know the truth, Dr. Schneeplestein along with many other staff and patients in the facility is missing. So he is unable to affirm or deny Cardozo’s claims.
Another thing that had been linked to Cardozo from Rosemary Road is the case of the missing doctor called Lawrence Rose. From what I’ve been reading in the sort of between the lines of everybody’s posts is that Cardozo is responsible or at least is highly connected to the missing case of Dr. Lawrence Rose. It appears that they seemed to have had both a deep and toxic relationship that might’ve led to… abuse, so to speak. Doctor Cardozo seemed to be downplaying their relationship to that of a more professional one of a senior co-worker being far too harsh on her younger coworker in order to teach her the ropes and expressed some regrets on her treatment of Doctor Rose. She also denied the allegations that she inflicted the same abuse that she had suffered from the late Adrian Carter upon Doctor Rose, claiming that she would never do such an act after suffering such things from somebody else.
Jury’s still out on whether these claims are sincere or not though.
Either way, things may become much clearer once I begin to sink my teeth into the intel that I had been sent based on the Rosemary Road events. Although that might take quite a while since there’s… a hell of a lot of them to process and consolidate into a comprehensive article or post.
There appeared to have been an initial trial during 2018 wherein Cardozo had been left to become the scapegoat of the public to take the fallout for the consequences of having these events come into light considering most of the staff and patients involved in the case are either missing, dead, or unfitting to be called for trial. However, regardless of becoming the public’s scapegoat for these events, Cardozo is still being painted as the ‘victim’ rather than a perpetrator and instigator for the crimes committed in the facility by the media. No doubt PR and money had been heavily involved in ensuring these.
Ah capitalism and the unending song of corruption within the system… you will never change, won’t you?
2019-2020: Where is she now?
2019 seems to have been a rough year for Dr. Cardozo. Her trials and questioning was continuing on to 2020 as more information and questions circulating around her kept popping up. She was or may even still be in house arrest after she had been questioned by the FBI probably for her involvement in the RR case. However, unknown to the public, it appears that the Bureau of Unreality is hard at work at covering what may have been their influence slash actions in the case.
There was an unlisted video hidden within the voxtenebris youtube channel which showed what appeared to be Doctor Cardozo holding an interview with the unknown Administrator of the Bureau. However, Cardozo seems rather… dazed? I don’t know how to describe it but like she’s rather distracted. It took the administrator several repeats of their questions for her to catch up and answer them. That seems to be odd considering people’s impressions of her is that yes, she tends to pause a bit before answering because she mulls over what to say in her mind before speaking but the way she spoke in the video was… It was as if she was absent minded? Perhaps she was processing the identity of the Administrator since she met them face to face and I believe that their identity has always been unknown to the public.
But as I said, I rather doubt that since her way of speaking seemed a bit… slurred? I don’t know.
Either way, something odd seems to be going on with Cardozo as something from her might be causing some interference in technology. At a certain part of the video after she lost her temper with the administrator, the audio of the video crackled and screeched before an eardrum destroying thrill/ringing noise came from the speakers before it all settled down as she calmed down as well.
So… What does this entire part imply? It implies that the BOU held these sorts of interviews with Cardozo in order to give her a script that would not implicate them in the RR case. So they must certainly be hiding something rather juicy within this case and they must have been cooperating with or working with Cardozo in order to keep whatever secret it was hidden. Suddenly, the experiments on people with certain abilities mentioned by one of the informants Nocturne talked to in the forums came to the forefront of my mind. It makes me wonder if whatever happened in RR is directly linked or just loosely connected to it. The interview also implies that something odd is going on with Cardozo herself and I wonder if it’s just due to stress or there’s something else at play in this. There isn’t too much information on that right now so I’ll just leave it to the side. I’m pretty sure I’ll get some more intel on that later on once I finish slogging through so much documents and stuff that I had been led to.
Anyway so with that in mind, Cardozo obviously knows something or is involved in something that connects Montauk, the morally dubious experiments committed by both the BOU and Montauk in separate cases, the Rosemary Road case, and the BOU itself together.
With that part done, going back to the court trials, there have been rumors that Cardozo will be cleared of all charges regardless of whatever concrete evidence would be presented in court against her. I’m not exactly surprised. Of course they’d do everything to cover their asses.
Montauk’s stocks would die if its CEO is charged guilty with the ugly shit that’s being filed against her and the BOU would have to cooperate with Cardozo in order to save their asses since I have no doubt that she would be the type of person who would drag an entire ship down with her to the depths of the abyss if they left her in the curb to take all of the fall out of the events on her own.
Be Wary of Her
In one of Nocturne’s nightmare blogger entries, he warned us (or maybe just himself?) to be careful when dealing with Cardozo as she is not who she seems to be. It makes me wonder what this warning meant. It makes me wonder if the nightmare entries might be more than what we thought it to be.
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wickedsingularity · 4 years
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Mittens [Part 2]
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wickedsingularity’s Christmas Stories 2019 Masterlist
Fandom: MCU Pairings/characters: Steve Rogers x reader (but not really), all Avengers pre AOU Words: 2732 Warnings: Fluff, bad flirting, too much knitting, me not being as well versed in English knitting terms as Norwegian, kissing, stealing of food, kisses as currency
Summary: Part 2 of Mittens (as requested from lala423 on FF.Net) from wickedsingularity's Christmas Stories 2018, recommend reading that first if you haven't already. Steve is learning to knit to express his feelings.
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<< Mittens Part 1
Despite me promising Steve that we didn't have to communicate our feelings with knitted clothes, he brought it up again that he wanted to learn.
I was in the common area, working on Tony's New Year socks and munching away on my Rocky Road treats. It was the worst cliché of all, but I was doing them in red, with golden details, and light blue across the toes. I had tried to think of other colour schemes for him, and black with some bright colour in a rocky pattern would also work, but the Iron Man colour theme was just more fun. If he wanted free socks, he would have to take them as I made them.
"Hi, doll." Steve came in, followed by Sam and Natasha. He gave my shoulder a squeeze and I leaned my head towards his hand. We were just a couple of days into our relationship and our sort of first date had been dinner on Christmas Day. It was still very new to us, even though we had known each other for a long time and had admitted to having feelings for a while too. He came around the couch and sat down next to me and the other two found seats around us.
"Hi," I greeted them, barely taking my eyes off the yarn. "Any luck with the new lead on Bucky's whereabouts?"
"It was a dead-end," Sam said. "False alarm."
I looked up at that, seeing Sam's and Natasha's disgruntled faces and Steve's defeated one. I nudged him with my shoulder, not wanting to say anything in front of the others, but letting him see in my eyes that I was hopeful. His lips twitched at one corner and he nudged me back.
"Has Tony seen what you're knitting for him yet?" Natasha asked, nodding at the half-done sock in my hands. I had reached the heel and was halfway through the knitting back and forth to make the base of the heel.
"Not yet," I replied, grinning slightly. "I haven't seen him since Christmas morning. He'll either hate it or love it."
"He'll love it. He'll probably want a matching pair to wear with his suit."
I snorted at the image that popped into my head, the Mark XLV with long, thick fluffy socks. "I might just make a pair for his suit, for fun."
Natasha, Sam and Steve started talking about the dead-end they had been sent on in their search for Bucky, I listened with one ear. But after a little bit, I noticed that Steve's attention had switched.
"I still want to learn." His voice was quiet, not speaking up, and I only heard him over the sound of the others talking because he was sitting next to me.
I turned to look at him, and he was staring down at the knitting in my hands, a small smile on his face and I smiled back. "Are you sure?"
"Yeah. If you teach me."
My heart fluttered and my face heated up a little. "Okay. But you're smart and a fast learner, so you're not allowed to be better at this than me."
"I promise you will be the knitting master here, doll."
He had called me doll every now and then throughout the time we had known each other, on occasion he used it on others too, but there was something about the way he said it to me now that had me melt. I figured it was probably just my overactive imagination, but I didn't care, because I liked the way it made me feel.
"Okay. I got plenty of extra sets of needles and too much yarn in my room. You can help yourself to as much as you need. When do you want to get started?"
"Do you have time now?"
I nodded. "Come on."
It seemed the others had caught the gist of what we were doing, because as we stood up to leave, Sam called after us. "Try not to make knitting kinky!"
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Teaching Steve to knit was as easy as I expected. By making small squares, I basically just taught him how to cast on and off, do knit and purl stitches, and how to change colour in less than an hour. It wasn't neat, it was crooked and knobbly, but he got the techniques perfectly. He also asked about the special kind of decreasing binding off I did for his mittens, and that's when I realised that he was up to something. And when he rummaged through my stash and picked skeins without letting me see which colours he picked, I knew he was most definitely up to something.
For the next couple of days, he spent more time in his room than usual and he never brought the knitting out for anyone to see. I had to admit I was awfully curious, and when he knocked on my door one late evening looking sheepish and asking if he could buy a few more skeins from me, I had to ask.
"You can pay me by telling me what you're making since it requires more yarn," I said, crossing my arms over my chest and looking at him with pursed lips.
There was a slight blush to his cheeks and he shook his head and reached for something in his back pocket. "It's done already. Now I just have to improve on it. But I can't tell you what it is yet," he said, opening his wallet.
"No, Steve. No." I put my hand on his wallet and pushed it away. "You can have as much yarn as you want. I'm just really curious."
He grinned and put his wallet back in his pocket very slowly as if I was going to change my mind and demand money anyway. "I will tell you. I promise. When it's done."
I pursed my lips again and pretended to consider him, but then I smiled and shook my head with amusement, walking over to the bed and kneeling down to pull out the box underneath it that was overflowing with yarn. "Help yourself." I sat down cross-legged on the bed and waited.
Steve looked at me. "You can't know which colour I'm – or colours – I'm going to pick."
"I'm so goddamn curious, but fine, I'll close my eyes. Just for you." I closed my eyes, and it was so hard to keep them closed as I heard Steve walk over and kneel down to rummage through the skeins and balls. He seemed to be taking his time and somehow, I knew he did it to mess with me, and I was just about to open my eyes and give him attitude, but then his lips were on mine. My eyes did snap open then, but he lingered and they closed again. All too soon he pulled back and I blinked dazedly. Having just started kissing him on the regular, each one still made my insides all fluttery and my brain fry.
When I was able to think straight again, I saw him standing there looking awfully smug, hands being his back. "That was for the yarn."
"Oh, well, then. Have all of it."
He chuckled and walked out, walking backwards out the door so I still couldn't see what colour he picked.
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The next day, Steve and Sam headed out on a private mission. Steve had knocked on my door right before lunch, which we had planned to go out for, to tell me Sam had just got a promising lead on Bucky and they had to head out right away before it went cold but would be back the next day for New Year's Eve. Then he'd given me a kiss I felt all the way down to my toes and hurried off.
Seeing as I had long since finished Tony's socks and Iron Man's socks and the purple mittens I had promised Clint, I decided to take a break from knitting and joined Clint for a Christmas movie marathon.
We had made it through two movies before we ordered in dinner, which was brought up by Tony who had been heading in just as the delivery guy came. "You ordered dinner for me too?" he asked, opening one of the containers, two bags with the rest hanging from his wrist. "How lovely of you!"
"Uhm..." I started.
"That's just for the two of us," Clint said, getting to his feet with several groans and hurried to snatch the bags and the container from Tony while I went to find soda and water and plates and cutlery.
"Ouch." Tony clutched at his heart. "I paid for that TV and that couch and those plates. I can feel the love."
"I'm sure there's enough for you too, Tony," I said, even though my stomach was roaring like a ravenous grizzly bear.
"That's okay, I just ate."
There was something that sounded like a growl from Clint, but he handed one of the three plates I had brought over to Tony and the too helped himself.
Clint started up another Christmas movie and we dug into the containers that really held enough food to feed the entire team. It wasn't long before the smell of food attracted more people and Natasha sauntered into the room. She leaned over the couch and snatched an onion ring from my plate. She kept reaching for stuff on my plate, until I used my powers to create a barrier around it, not letting her through.
"Hey!" she protested.
"There's more food there," I said, pointing to the containers on the table. "And in the fridge."
She made a sound of annoyance but kept leaning over the back of the couch, watching the movie. After a few minutes, I felt her move away. "What's this?" she asked.
Tony, Clint and I all looked back, she had picked something off the floor. In her hand was... something fluffy. As she turned it around and held it up, I saw it was a pair of mittens. The knobbliest pair of mittens I had ever seen. But my heart had started to race a million miles a minute.
"Your earlier work?" Tony asked, frowning. I shook my head.
"I'm guessing Steve made these," Natasha said, handing them over to me.
I had to smile as I looked at them because they were really knobbly. The knit and purl stitches along the cuff were so lose I could probably fit two hands inside if I tried. They were in two my favourite colours, and the change of colour hadn't been done at the same stitch all the way up, so it was crooked, but the stripes were nicely sized and repeated in a way that would have made it a beautiful pair if the overall knitting had been better. The thumb seemed to be a bit tight, but it would expand with use. I was so proud that he had managed to leave a few stitches behind and then pick them up later and make the thumb. I had not taught him that.
"When did Steve learn to knit?" Clint asked.
"He asked me to teach him a few days ago."
"He's not really good at that, is he," Tony commented, grinning as he looked at the mittens.
"It's the first thing he's made," I said, defending him. "I think they're beautiful."
"He's got your favourite colours right at least," Clint commented.
I didn't reply, because my heart was beating so hard and I felt emotional and didn't trust my voice.
Tony and Clint quickly lost interest as there were some loud bangs from the movie we were watching. Natasha gave me a wink and then hurried over to her favourite armchair, rolled her eyes at the TV, but watched nonetheless.
I held the mittens in my hands, turning my attention back to the movie too. I couldn't wait for Steve to come home.
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It had been a good lead on Bucky. It hadn't brought them to wherever he was currently hiding, but they were getting closer. The building they had searched, he had definitely been there for a short time.
Steve was pushing the Quinjet hard to get home. He had some knitting to get done before Stark's usual New Year's Eve party that evening. The first pair of mittens he had made had been a right disaster and were hopefully well on their way to a recycling facility by now. He had been sort of proud of the second pair as soon as he finished them. He knew they weren't good, but he'd been so proud and had been his way over to give them to his girlfriend when he had seen one of the pairs she had made him on the counter by the door and saw the difference and felt awful. So, he had gone to get more yarn instead. Hopefully, the third time was the charm.
He had some doubt to if he managed to knit an entire pair in barely a handful of hours, but it would not be from lack of trying.
Thankfully this hadn't been an official mission, so he didn't have to go through the tediousness that debriefing and medical and report writing was. Instead, he said goodbye to Sam and went straight to the shower.
Wet hair, but clean and dressed in clean comfortable clothes, Steve went to grab something to drink from the kitchen after the shower before he would start on the knitting. He itched to see his girlfriend first but knew that if he knocked on her door now, he wouldn't be able to leave in time to make the mittens. But on his way back to his room, he ran into her.
"Hi," she said, a huge grin on her face.
Steve pulled her towards him with his free hand on the small of her back and planted his lips to hers. "Hi," he whispered with a grin to match hers, leaning his forehead to hers.
"JARVIS said you were home. Was it a good lead?"
"Yeah, this one was a solid lead. Didn't find him, but we're closer."
"Good." She leaned in for another kiss while she slid her hands from his back and up his chest and that's when he noticed her hands were not bare.
Steve pulled back slightly and looked down and felt his face heat as he saw she was wearing the second pair of mittens he had made. "What's – How – Where did you..."
"Nat found them behind the couch yesterday. You made them?"
He took her hands in his and did some quick thinking, but settled on being straight with her. "Yeah. I wanted to make mittens for you too. But they're no good, so I was going to try again. I showed them to Sam before we left because I was so busy binding off when he called that I didn't answer right away. Guess I forgot about them." He was moving to pull them off her hands, but she snatched her hands away and put them under her arms so he couldn't get to them. "But they're no good. I was going to make another pair."
"I love them," she said firmly, staring up at him. Steve cocked his head, but she shook her head. "I love them more than any mittens I've ever had my entire life because you made them. If you take them from me, I will punch you."
Steve couldn't help chuckle, but he did not doubt for one second that she would indeed punch him and it would hurt like hell. "You're crazy."
"I just love a good pair of mittens." She stared so intently into his eyes as she said that, that Steve felt his heart skip a few beats.
"Okay," he said a bit breathlessly. "I'm still going to try to make a nicer pair for you. I was on my way to do that now."
"Then I'm coming with you. We can knit together." She started down the hall, Steve hurried after her.
"Don't you have to get ready for Stark's party?"
"It's hours away. Already have the dress and shoes picked out. Hair can do what it wants. Make-up takes 5 minutes. I'll be fine."
Steve didn't think he could be more head over heels for her, but then he stumbled a bit more.
<< Mittens Part 1
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Virgil’s Hidden Past
I just wanna take a sec to thank @winnie-the-patton​ for helping me with this theory.
Since February of 2018 a large group of fanders have head-cannoned Virgil of at one point being a dark side due to the entrance of Deceit and the knowledge that more (sinister) sides exist within Thomas. In Deceit’s introduction video, Can LYING Be Good??, Virgil was the first to realize who ‘Patton’ really was and had shown suspicion throughout the entirety of the video, going through different stages of speculation portrayed through the way he looks at ‘Patton’.
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First there’s a peak of interest. Next there’s confusion and wariness. Then, lastly, realization and contempt.
Not only this but it is intriguing to take into account the reaction Roman elicits from Virgil when he mentions the existence of ‘the Dark Sides’:
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There is most definitely annoyance is his response, but also a sort of sadness and emptiness to it. Roman said himself that he had made up that name on the spot, meaning that the other sides hidden away from Thomas aren’t (or weren’t) commonly called that. Virgil’s reaction could very well be a hurt reminder of who he once was or what he used to be a part of. Remember, Roman has given him similar nicknames before, such as “Dark and stormy night,” and even “Dark, strange son” by Patton, albeit without malice.
These fact and these looks alone were enough to act as a starting point for theories, but the trail often ended here. Until the recent past two videos.
In EMBARRASSING PHASES: The Nightmare Instead of Christmas! the entire purpose of the video was the fact that the other main sides had come to terms with who Virgil was now, which is a good thing, but consequently disregarded who he used to be and what he had been through while he was still the series antagonist. 
I found this to be really odd as I thought Virgil himself would want to forget about what he had been subjected to as a villain and would want to appear as less harmful to the group. Then the end credit scene came and Deceit made an unexpected appearance, and do you know what the first thing he said was? 
“Very well done Virgil. You’re so evolved.”
This line by itself holds a lot of meaning depending on whether or not it’s interpreted as a lie. Deceit could either be mocking Virgil for having not actually changed at all, or admitting that he has in fact grown. However what he says next leans the meaning more towards the former option.
When Virgil questions Deceit’s reason for being there his response is: “Hm, a bunch of talk about Halloween. A season for dressing up and pretending to be someone or something else.”
Note Virgil’s facial reaction to his saying this:
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First he roles his eyes in irritation, but then he gives a sadder look off to the side before turning back to Deceit with possibly the softest look he has yet to give him, as if he’s really thinking about his words and taking them to heart.
Adding this in to his earlier statement Deceit's words could then be translated into meaning that he sees Virgil’s evolution was nothing more than a season of dress up and pretending; and as all seasons do, that it will end and he will eventually return to how he used to be.
What truly stuck out in this out of the blue appearance, and confused a lot of people, were the words, “just be sure to.. keep up that personal growth, Virgil. Who knows? Maybe soon... you could be rid of us all...” 
Again, the meaning behind these lines depends on where the lie is held, or if there is one at all. Looking at it straight forwardly Deceit is telling Virgil that if he continues to distance himself from who he once was he’ll lose them (whether [them] is the dark sides or the main three is hard to tell.) But if you add emphasis on the “rid” and the “us all” then the meaning is rewritten into Virgil’s attempt to change being the trigger that will cause him to recede back to what he was.
This all could be just wild ideas being thrown, but if you reverse the video and put the end credit scene at the beginning then what you have is not Deceit reacting to Virgil’s development, but rather Virgil’s retaliation to Deceit saying that he hasn’t, or rather can’t, change. The video then makes so much more sense. Instead of Virgil randomly trying to scare the others to show that his past hasn’t been erased, we have Virgil proving that his dark past won’t erase his progress and future with the others.
The fact that Deceit would say that Virgil is “evolved” implies that he knew what he used to be like, meaning that the two of them had interacted closely in the past. But is a simple statement or a few looks enough to confirm their history, or at least the depth of it? Well that’s why I’m going to be analyzing not only their interactions with each other, but also their similarities.
First off, the mother load of Virgil v. Deceit content, Selfishness v. Selflessness. In this video I noticed that Virgil was 1000% more hostile towards Deceit than in any of their other shared interactions. Back in LYING and EMBARRASSING PHASES Virgil still held a cold attitude towards Deceit, but there was defiantly a more mellow (but still tense) atmosphere as they talked. In S v. S Virgil was ruder and more abrupt, even interrupting him the second he was revealed and spending most all of his screen time trying to convince the others to get rid of him, such as when he yelled “Why is he still here?” He literally looked as if he was second away from throwing hands. 
Skipping forward a bit, one of the stronger bits of their interactions in this video is when Virgil tried to defend Patton when he tried to bribe Logan with a Butterfinger, saying that the whole set up was already rigged since Deceit, a liar, set it up. Which lead to this interesting part.
“Takes a liar to know a liar.” said Deceit, glancing from Virgil to Thomas. Virgil then looks around with heated suspicion, not yet understanding what he’s implying.
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He’s thinking, pondering. He looks around in confusion before it hits him, that Deceit could expose his secrets at any time. He always knew he was a threat, but here it really hits home.
As it goes on and Patton consistently fails to put up a good fight against Deceit, Virgil realizes that he’s losing, Deceit might get what he wants, and his anxiety goes up.
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He looks on in horror, shock, and disbelief, and recluses in on himself.
After that Virgil is called to the stand to be the next witness, to which he makes a face at Deceit refusing to go, not wanting to be used as apart of his scheme. Deceit in turn says, “Very well, you don’t usually have anything helpful to add anyway.” 
Sound familiar? It should, as it’s what Logan, Roman, and Thomas had told him on multiple occasions back before his redemption arc. Deceit played perfectly on one of Virgil’s insecurities of being useless to Thomas and manipulated him to play the game he didn’t want to be a part of. Then during his interrogation Virgil says something rather interesting:
“He’s a liar. You literally know him as Deceit.”
This stands out for several reasons. Why didn’t Virgil say “we know him”? Does the fact that he didn’t include himself mean that he know something the others don’t? Also, when he says “as Deceit” is he hinting that another name exists? Later in the video when Patton interrogates Deceit he asks if that is his real name, and Deceit answers “It is.” That could be a lie, or it could be true. 
After Virgil says this, Deceit then stops him by saying, “Glass houses, Virgil. You you’re self said you’re not a beacon of truth.”
The ‘glass houses’ part is what tripped me. Coming from the saying “people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.” this means that you should not criticize other people for bad qualities in their character that you have yourself. Touching back on when Deceit said “It takes a liar to know a liar.” This is followed up on with a layered, almost vague, back and forth conversation between the two of them. 
Deceit: So you’ve never been reluctant to share anything with the group then?
Virgil: Don’t.
Deceit: What? I just meant your name!
Virgil: Don’t!
Deceit: Maybe that’s why it’s so easy for you to recognize me for what I am. Like I said before, it takes a liar to know a liar.
This conversation is further analyzed in my other theory [Virgil Isn’t What He Seems] and for the sake of time, I won’t repeat everything glossed over in there, but I will bring something back up.
As I see it, the purpose of Deceit saying these things and aggravating Virgil is because he knows who Virgil truly is inside and wants him to stop denying who he is, just as he did in the end credit scene of EMBARRASSING PHASES when he spoke of him dressing up and pretending to be something he’s not. Virgil can recognize what Deceit for what he is because they are both pretending.
A hop, skip, and a boat later, after Deceit loses and leaves, Virgil tells Thomas “Do not allow him [Deceit] or any of his... friends to stick around that long ever again. Ever again!” When he speaks of his friends, he hesitates and pauses for a moment, as if he’s trying to find a correct term to describe the other dark sides. 
Out of everyone in the video Virgil was the only one strongly against Deceit’s presence. Sure Patton didn’t want him there because he was trying to get Thomas to act dishonestly, but Virgil didn’t want him there under any circumstances. As Deceit pointed out, Virgil didn’t want to go to the wedding either, but he was willing to put his feelings aside just to get rid of him. The fact that no one else was worried about his being there shows that the dark sides and the light don’t really interact with each other that often in the mind palace, except Virgil; maybe not presently but definitely in the past.
Moving away from specifics of interactions I found that Virgil and Deceit held several similarities to each other, and a few other important notes:
They both want to protect Thomas from what they represent, but cannot help who they are. 
Deceit didn’t want Thomas to fall victim to a society based on a lie, even though he’s literally the embodiment of deceit. While Virgil wants to protect Thomas from feeling anxious and feeling panicked, yet in the video he admitted that he told Thomas that a drink would poison him after sitting alone for 10 seconds.
Deceit makes an interesting foil to Virgil
Back when he was still Anxiety some fanders had issues with him due to their own anxiety, but it was never that extreme. On the other hand, while it’s perfectly alright and understandable, a lot of fanders have issues with Deceit on a much larger scale then there ever was for Virgil. Highlighting what could have been if Virgil wasn’t so lovable and stayed a villain.
both hiss (silly but true)
Both have inhumane characteristics
Deceit’s scales and snake eye and Virgil’s deep, demonic voice that he gets when he’s overly anxious.
Unique powers: Deceit’s ability to silence the other sides. Virgil’s ability to summon darkness around him.
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Notice that these two powers of their’s creates 2/3 of the well known proverb of the Three Wise Monkeys, “see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil” which, in some scripts, lead to the fourth “do no evil.” Deceit can mute the sides and Virgil can blind them. Which just so happened to be foreshadowed back in MOVING ON Part 2/2
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It’s possible that the other dark sides complete this proverb.
Virgil may possibly have naturally heterochromia eyes, just like Deceit, but has hidden them away.
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This moment at 38:24 of S v. S has been speculated as Virgil having two differently colored eyes, or it just being an optical illusion due to the light shinning on his hair. But after looking over the video I found that it never happened other than then, which if it had been due to the lighting it would have happened at least twice.
Also, notice that both Deceit and Virgil were the only ones to not go under oath, as if both of them have something to hide
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What exactly he may be hiding was brought to my attention by @my-analogical-romance
All the sides have multiple functions except for Virgil Unless he’s hiding them from the others because those functions may appear malicious or harmful to Thomas because of his core purpose as Anxiety. Anxiety in itself manifests and changes as people grow up and come out more as individuals (which as said in MOVING ON Part 1/2 was while Thomas was a teenager.) Anxiety could just be an umbrella for all that he represents, such as Logic and Creativity are just blanket names for what Logan and Roman contribute and manage in Thomas; or because there’s something he wants to keep hidden, something that could link him to Deceit and the Dark Sides.
There is a very high probability that Virgil was once a dark side and rather close to Deceit and the others before he decided to make a change and go to the Light sides. He could have been an accomplice to whatever it is that they did or do. When he was Anxiety he wasn’t truly welcomed by Thomas or the sides. He wasn’t seen as helpful and appeared as just an evil bad thought that had his heart set on ruining Thomas’s life, even though they now know that’s not true. Based on the analysis, in my opinion, Deceit, and possibly the other dark sides, want Virgil back to how he was, or how he seemed, which may tip the scale in the balance of power in Thomas’s head because they believe, as Deceit made claim to, the way the light sides are running things are putting Thomas at risk. 
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