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creedslove · 1 year

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BETRAYED - PART FIVE

Pedro Pascal x f!reader

Summary: Pedro invites you to be his plus one for the night but his attention is caught by another woman and leaves you with a broken heart

Warnings: angst, age gap, established friendship, unrequited love/one sided feelings, fluff, glimpse of Pedro being a great (silly) dad, and more angst of course

A/N: I really don't know what you guys will think of this part. It is longer than the others and for those who don't want Pedro to be forgiven, you can consider this the ideal end, though this is NOT the last chapter. I still have some ideas for this story but their development will go according to what you guys want, especially because due to all the feedback I've received over the last week (yes today marks one week I posted the first chapter) things are pretty divided between who wants a happy ending and who wants a sad one, lol!

A/N Part 2: I still can't manually tag people on the works because I use the app and it won't let me do it, that's why I don't have a tag list at all!

3.2k words

PART ONE | PART TWO | PART THREE | PART FOUR

Your heart clenched the moment you heard Kate's words. Pedro was there. After months pretending not to know each other, after not seeing him nor listening to his voice, months after the horrible argument you two had, where you both said horrible things to each other, words that hurt you two deeply, but also needed to be said. So you two could break free from what was holding you back. You and your mindless passion for Pedro, and him and his incapability of letting you go.

You realized you went silent for several seconds and Kate was staring at you with a worried look on her face, so you gave her a nervous smile and nodded "there's no problem, really. We are not making a scene or anything, I mean, we didn't have that much of a fight, it wasn't that serious"

"Yes, it was, Y/N" Kate said in a low voice "you completely fell out with each other, you have never been apart from long and honestly, he seems the saddest I've ever seen, and you don't seem like you're in a picnic either" she placed her hand on your shoulder reassuringly and looked down, excusing herself as she needed to attend the other guests.

You didn't like to be read like that, yes, you missed Pedro, in many ways you were still broken hearted at everything that went on, it's very hard to just let go of a person you were so invested in for years. It leaves an empty spot in your chest, even when you get over whatever happened, your mind always comes back to a bunch of might-have-beens. And though you and Pedro hadn't been away for that long, that's exactly how it felt. You walked out the kitchen and realized you were getting anxious to see him. He was there, it was a stated fact. It wasn't like when you went to the gym and very often looked over your shoulders, in hopes he wouldn't show up at the same time you kind of hoped he would show up. Internally battling with the relief of not running into him and also the disappointment of not seeing him. Once again, you had to remind yourself to act rationally, you didn't want to be shaken to the core when you saw him, and you definitely wouldn't make a scene at a princess' party.

When you reached the living room, he was the first one you spotted and for a few seconds he was the only thing you could see. There he was, Pedro, your dulce Pedrito like you used to call him and make a soft reddish color spread through his cheeks. He looked the same as always, the same as always made your heart race and you hated that. Your heart beat faster, your palms suddenly got a little sweaty and you were sure you'd stutter if someone asked you any question. You cursed yourself under your breath, months of self care and you still acted like a high school girl around him. The sadness Kate had seen your ass, you mentally rolled your eyes as you saw how he was still the life of the party, how he laughed and made everybody laugh. He wasn't sad, and why should he? Maybe you did hurt him in your argument, in fact you did hurt him as he left with tears in his eyes, but he probably got over you, he had done it so many times before, times where you still were friends and you loved and cared for him, so now what was stopping him from just forgetting about you?

Pedro finally eyed you, he knew you were coming and he tried his best to look good for you, he had a nice outfit on, his hair was messy like you always said you loved and God, he felt like time had stopped when he saw you walk into the living room. Hermosa, princesa, linda, mariposa, all of that crossed his mind once he saw you. He hadn't seen you in what it felt like forever, and now you were there, standing a few feet away from him. His desire was to rush to you, ignoring everyone else there, and wrapping his arms around your waist. If he could, he would let out all those Spanish words you loved roll out of his tongue before he could touch your skin and make you his. He chuckled to himself just to picture what you would say if you knew his heart raced when he saw you, how he wanted to take you into his arms like you had dreamed about it for so long. Life sometimes is truly a joke.

He didn't understand how you managed to become more beautiful since the last time you saw each other but you did it, and he couldn't take his eyes off you. He had no idea if you'd even want to talk to him, give him some of your time, but he was going to try.

Before you could greet everyone who was sitting closer than him, Flora and her big brother came running to you. If someone thought Flora was sweet, they hadn't met her brother yet. Wyatt was a five year old who seemed to be obsessed with you. Out of all his mommy's friends you were definitely his favorite. He was sweet to you like he was with no one else, and the fact he still had some trouble pronouncing his 'R' made him even cuter to you.

He immediately jumped onto your lap, snuggling you as tight as he could, he was overly excited at the sweets he'd eaten and the fact some people who brought his little sister presents also brought him presents!

Pedro's heart dropped to his stomach the moment he saw you surrounded by Flora and Wyatt. He wasn't sure he was strong enough to watch that, but he couldn't look away either. It all brought him back to the dreams he constantly had about you, the dreams where he always got to a happy, crowded home, where you were his and only his, in all the ways you dreamed of for long and now he longed for it as well and you two had built a beautiful family. He was always happy in these dreams, only to feel empty when he woke up.

One of the things he always loved about you and that one he made pretty clear throughout your entire friendship, was how good with kids you were. Of course Pedro had earned the cool uncle status, but he just admired how natural you were, how kids simply wanted you to be around them and how happy you got with that. It quickly drove him back to the night of your argument, and how you threw it on his face he was nearly 50 without a family. Yes, he knew you were right, but it still hurt him anyway. When he was younger, he wasn't sure if he was going for the traditional stuff but he assumed good old marriage and kids would happen to him, after all it happened to everyone. But as the years went by, he just focused on his career and he was pretty happy that way, apart from all the loneliness he felt, loneliness that was soothed by your company during the day and some other female company at night, sometimes even more than one at the same time. Until those stupid dreams began, every single night he would have a family with you and love every single part of it just to be taken back to reality where he was alone and all he got was his career.

"Did you really think I'd forget about you?" You whispered to Wyatt as you very discreetly handed him a small basket with his favorite chocolate. You didn't have enough for all the kids, so you hoped he wouldn't make a big fuss about it, but the moment he squealed in happiness and hugged you, you felt so lucky to be there. You quickly helped him open his present and watched as he ate one piece after the other. Kate would probably kill you the next day, but you didn't care at all, seeing his true happiness.

"Pedwo, come play please!!" He asked the man, waving his hand at him and inviting him to the empty seat next to you. You saw when he smiled at Wyatt and moved closer to you. His cologne was intoxicating and for a moment all you wanted to do was to rest your head on his shoulder and have his arm around your body.

"These are my favorite too, you gotta share" he frowned playfully at Wyatt and looked at you

"Hey Y/N" he said shyly and looked down clearing his throat before looking into her eyes again "you look very beautiful, muy hermosa como siempre" he said and saw the familiar blush spreading through your cheeks adding a cute look to your face. You still reacted the same, maybe you were still his muñequita?

"Hi Pedro" you said softly and smiled politely at him.

"Come on Pedwo do the voice!!! Do it again, fow Y/N to see!!" Wyatt begged excitedly and pointed at his brand new Grogu doll. Once again you felt the urge to roll your eyes mentally, of course that was Pedro's doing and it was so predictable. Cute, but predictable. The little boy however, was mesmerized as once more Pedro sat up and made his Mandalorian voice. You didn't know exactly how it was different from his regular voice, but it was and you couldn't explain. He said whatever Wyatt liked to hear and gently tapped the doll's head, making Grogu cooed and blink his eyes, lifting his little arm gently which caused Wyatt to squeal in happiness again.

You both felt pretty good at that, no matter what happened between you two, you were really good at handling kids together and your chest ached to wonder if the same would apply if you ever had children together.

•••

After singing Happy Birthday and serving the cake, Rob, Kate's husband, asked his kids to go to the backyard. Pedro grinned at the interaction and placed his plate down, taking your hand in his and pulling you "come on Y/N, you'll want to see this" he said happily and you had no other reaction than follow him. The kids were so excited when their daddy asked them to close their little eyes. They peeked all the time, not being able to hold back how eager they wanted to see the surprise. Pedro looked at you and smiled sweetly "I don't mean to brag, but it was my idea, so you're not the only one who is great with kids, you know" he winked at her.

You swallowed and looked down at your hands, fingers entwined and how softly Pedro caressed your hand with his thumb. You immediately let go of his hand and blushed, which wasn't unnoticed by him, who sighed and stared into your eyes "I know you're still hurt about everything that went on and we need to talk, I owe you an apology for what happened and-"

Pedro was cut off by the kids' screams of happiness and pure excitement when their daddy revealed their mysterious present: a bunny. A real life bunny, you stared into Pedro eyes and chuckled "that was your idea, right?" You asked and couldn't help but smile a little "I bet Kate is thrilled" you both burst out laughing and for a moment everything was alright between the two of you again.

He only laughed softly but gently took your hand in his once more, walking towards some trees, away from the fuss the kids were making and once you were both hidden enough from anyone else who might bother you, he finally gathered the courage to speak.

"I screw everything up with you, Y/N. I know I did, in fact I knew it from the moment it happened but I was too proud and stubborn to admit it" he sighed "and then it all got worse and worse until that horrible episode at your place. I deeply regret everything that went on" Pedro looked down, and then back at you again, being puzzled by how indecipherable your expression was. You watched him apologize without really apologizing, you just hated how he asked for your forgiveness without acknowledging anything at all.

"The reason why I didn't want to talk to you anymore was because I'm tired of being your doormat, Pedro. You know how much I love you" you bit your lips "how much I loved you" you corrected yourself and continued "but you only took advantage of it, and you know it. You know how many times you've hurt me, how many times you flirted with me, you kissed me almost on the lips, you sweet talked to me, the times you had your hands on my body not in an erotic way but definitely more intimate than a friend should ever do, you know how confused it left me, and you kept doing it"

Pedro knew it was all true, but he had decided to ask for your forgiveness and to be honest, he looked around embarrassed and nodded

"I-I know that, Y/N. I know I was a real shitty friend, always teasing you, playing with your feelings… I am really ashamed of it and if I could turn back in time, I'd never act that way. I had only one glimpse of what you must've felt all this time… when I saw you with that guy from the gym and it felt like my heart had shattered into a million pieces"

You had to admit you were not expecting that, at first you thought it would be just some more of his usual bullshit, but it seemed Pedro really meant what he was telling you.

"And I know the last straw was that night at the gala. It should've been about us, after all, you were my plus one because I wanted to have you there, and I loved every minute we spent together, you looked gorgeous, muy hermosa mi cariño, but then I was just terrible to you. I don't know why I left with that woman, I mean, I don't know why I just gave in to that impulse and I know I tried brushing off as if you were exaggerating but these past months I was finally able to be true to myself and admit you were right. I was a dick, I not only humiliated you and broke your heart but also put you at risk by letting you go home on your way"

His voice had a sad tone and he didn't look away for a split second, showing he meant all that.

You began tearing up, as those were the words you waited months to hear. You wanted him to apologize, to admit what he'd done and now it had finally happened, you couldn't help but feel sad as it came too late.

"Pedro, I-"

"Please, Y/N, let me finish" he asked and took another breath "that day at your house was completely unacceptable, I know it, and we both hurt each other, I snapped because I saw you with another man and told you to leave me alone, and I didn't understand why I had such a childish and reckless attitude, until I realized I didn't know how to act on my feelings for you, which takes me to the very painful words you told me, which unfortunately, were also true. I left that night hating myself, I didn't know what to do or what to say, so I looked for help, I went back to therapy and I was able to see all the things I was doing wrong"

You saw when he took a step closer and you could smell his cologne, you had no idea what he was going to do, but your heart pounded into your chest as his big hands cupped your cheeks so gently, stroking them and staring into your eyes "and after all that self-analysis I came to the conclusion that I love you" he bit his lips and a light blush spread through your cheeks "I mean, I already did, as a friend, even if I was a dick, I truly loved and cared about you, but it changed, Y/N, it got more intense, you're the only thing that crosses my mind the whole day, the only one I want and crave, all I can think of is your body against mine, your beautiful voice singing while you make breakfast, the way you light up a room when you step inside, how the kids love you because they see how incredible you are" Pedro took another deep breath "I'm in love with you, Y/N" he finally admitted out loud and it felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He leaned in and touched your lips with his very softly at first, ghosting over them, appreciating how perfect they felt against each other. One of his hands went for your waist, wrapping his arm around it and gripping your body in a desperate need. He was so close you could feel his strong chest against your soft breasts, so pressed up against his body it was really hard to remind yourself that wasn't right. The moment you felt the man deepening the kiss, you couldn't hold back a soft moan. You decided to enjoy that moment, something you'd craved for so long, it almost felt like your heart was bursting out of your chest. Your hands gripped his hair, pulling it softly as you kissed him back as eager as he kissed you. You felt like you could be trapped in that moment forever with him, it felt right, even if it was wrong.

When Pedro broke the kiss looking for some air, you still gave him a last peck on the lips, gently stroking his cheek and taking a step back.

"Wow" you whispered and smiled shyly "I've dreamed about that moment for so long. God knows how much I daydreamed that one day this exact scene would happen, now it did, it feels unreal" you looked at him and took his hand, gently squeezing it "and that's why it breaks my heart to see it happened too late. I'm sorry Pedro, but we can't do this. I'm really sorry that I don't believe you, I don't think you love me, I think you love the fact I was in love with you and that stroke your ego like nothing else, I was young, devoted, I would do anything for you and would take anything you had to offer, but we can't do this anymore. I can't do this to myself, I love myself more than I love you now, and I won't let anyone get in the way of that, not even you" she said and let go of his hand "I'll always love you and cherish you Pedro, but it's time to say goodbye"

_____

A/N: any feedbacks, let me know! Also, you guys have just met Wyatt! He is pretty much my OC and for the years I wrote for/roleplayed Victor Creed/Liev Schreiber he was always my character's son, and I developed an emotional connection with him even if he is not real, so I thought to myself, why not show the world what a ray of sunshine my fictional son is, right?

And yes, the bunny thing I got from Narcos because I thought Pablo Escobar had no right to be that cute while gifting his daughter a bunny, the way she got happy when he gave her su conejito just made me go all aww 🥰

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal x y/n #pedro pascal x you #pedro pascal fanfic #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal headcanons #pedro pascal headcanon #male actors #hot actors #betrayed #betrayed series

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hyunjilicious · 7 months

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in human form [bang chan × f!reader]

A/n: this is very, very self indulgent. I always try to make my fics reader inclusive, but since I poured my soul out in this, it's not 100% a self insert. It's not OC either, but some aspects of Y/n past are mentioned - mental health and relationship with her parents. I hope you'll still enjoy it! 🥺

Summary: fresh out of a toxic relationship, you realise your best friend Chan might not be just that, your best friend. Angst (and fluffy and extremely cheesy) best friends to lovers trope. 8.5k (hit me)

Warnings: y/n's ex was toxic, so was her father, mentions of alcoholism (as the source of some of the issues), anxiety, insecurities, past traumatic experiences (not detailed). It's not as sad as I may have made it sound, Chan's a sweetheart and there for you from beginning to end ❤️

For the first time that night, when you felt a hand against your back, you relaxed. "Do you want me to drive you home?" Chan asked, leaning into your side so you could hear him over the loud music at the club.

Aside from the hand that still rested between your shoulder blades, he kept his distance.

"No, it's fine, thanks" you shook your head but then smiled in appreciation. "I'll take a cab, you don't have to leave"

"Do you want to talk to me?"

Another offer he didn't have to make - another one you desperately wanted to accept but felt like an asshole doing so.

"I'm annoyed. I don't want to start this right now. We can talk another time"

"I'm here for you" he reminded you, "Please, just let me take you home."

"You don't feel like dancing anymore?"

Chan shook his head. He never felt like dancing in the first place, only came so that he could spend some time with you, but unfortunately the night didn't go as planned.

"I don't want to ruin your night"

"You're not ruining my night, Y/n" Chan said sternly, "I want to go home too"

"Then why didn't you leave earlier?"

That, he couldn't answer. He knew why, but he couldn't really tell you that the pain you've been struggling to hide has been obvious to him from the very beginning. Instead, he hid his worry behind little acts of kindness, reassuring words and unconditional support, without expecting anything in return. Much like he did now.

"Felt like a party pooper, but you're my ticket out of here. So? Should we go?"

You were unsatisfied with his answer, felt guilty for the way things were going, but you weren't about to make him ask again. "Ok, let's go"

His face lit up hearing your words, it felt like a win which he hoped would be the end of the story, considering that the last time he thought this nightmare was over, this night happened. So, determined to not allow the universe to mess with you again, Chan took a step to the side and motioned for you to lead the way towards the exit.

And you would've done just that had an overwhelming sense of pain and warmth not washed over you, and instead of moving, you just went in for a hug. Despite being taken aback, Chan wrapped his arms around you instantly, repeatedly kissing the top of your head during the few seconds you spent pressed against one another.

"Thanks" you mumbled, wiping away a stray tear that fell down your cheek as you pulled away.

"You don't need to thank-" he began saying but before he could finish the sentence, you felt another hand against your back, one that sent chills down your spine.

As if burned by the touch, you jumped away and didn't even bother looking at the person before you grabbed Chan's hand and tried to pull him away.

"Hey, where the fuck do you think you're going?" the menacing tone of your exboyfriend called over the loud music. Even though he wasn't drunk enough to have trouble articulating his sentences, you could still hear the alcohol induced hostility in his tone.

And as if raising his voice at you wasn't enough, in the blink of an eye he also went to grab you, but even though you were fast enough to step out of his reach, so was Chan as he grabbed the man's wrist and pushed himself between the two of you.

"Hey, hey, hey! Step back" Chan commanded, not one single hint of uncertainty in his tone.

"Why?" your ex boyfriend sneered, "Need her?"

Even though a vein was about to burst on his forehead, Chan fought to keep his composure. "Let's not make a scene, ok? Y/n's going home and you're going back to the party. Let's just leave it at that"

"How about this?" he slapped his hands together, "How about you stop sticking your nose in my business and let me have a talk with her?"

"We really don't have anything to talk about, ok?" you tried, but he wasn't having it.

"Just because we broke up doesn't mean you can go whore around. At least wait a while before you hop on someone else's dick. Or wait! You've done it before, haven't you?" he turned to Chan. "You already fucked her, didn't you? You're the reason she broke up with me?"

"Man, you have no idea what you're saying" Chan rolled his eyes, "But why don't we have this talk another time, huh? This is really not the time and place"

"I agree. So why don't you just step away so I can talk to Y/n?"

"Talk to her?" Chan laughed, "Mate, don't even look at her"

That angered him - you saw it in his eyes and it terrified you. That look of his whenever he had enough to drink so that common sense didn't have a place in his behavior anymore, when limits stopped meaning anything and only his words mattered.

Under different circumstances, you'd have said this wasn't something you'd ever do, but you felt afraid - viscerally, down to your bones scared, and without thinking, you jumped behind Chan. And while on high alert as he was, even though he might have not seen you, he felt you, the way your hands gripped his shirt and it brought a storm inside his mind. He didn't know what he wanted to do first, break that man's teeth or comfort you, but his adrenaline had kicked in and all that he could focus on was keeping his calm.

"Listen, I've got nothing against you, man. It's her that I need-" and his sentence was cut short by a very calm Seungmin, who with his drink in his hand and the straw between his lips, stepped in between your ex boyfriend and Chan.

"The group's over there" Seungmin addressed the man - fully facing him, and pointed in the direction you just came from, "Why are you all the way over here?"

"Yeah" Felix, who you hadn't noticed until now, nodded along, "We were thinking about going to a different club but we couldn't find you"

They stepped closer to one another, forming a wall between you, Chan and your ex, and bombarded him with questions, pointing in all directions and speaking loudly one over the other.

There had been maybe one or two attempts from your ex to push past them, but before he managed to escape their pestering, Chan had already grabbed your hand and ushered you towards the exit.

"Hey, are you ok? What are you doing?" he desperately asked as soon as you stepped on the sidewalk. Seeing you with your nose buried into your phone was the last thing he expected.

"I'm texting Felix and Seungmin" you sniffled, "I hope he didn't start a fight"

"They got this, Y/n, it's ok" Chan said and then tried to get you to move. "Let's go to the car, ok?"

After wiping one more tear from your cheek and pressing the send button on the text you just wrote, you nodded and followed him, "Yeah, ok"

Despite the hurricane of thoughts inside your mind, for most of the drive, you were silent - wanting to say so many things but at the same time, fearing what it would feel like if you yourself were to hear those things being spoken out loud, let alone Chan.

After your phone buzzed with a new notification, you turned to him, "They got him an uber. He's on his way home"

"Good" Chan nodded and drummed his thumb against the steering wheel. "Fuck him"

"Yeah.. fuck him"

"Are you ok?"

At this hour of the night, the roads were empty enough to allow Chan to steal glances and turn to you, but still you were grateful he was driving - he couldn't fix you with his eyes.

"Yeah, I'm fine"

"Fine as in fine or fine as in fine?"

You really didn't want to do it, but his question made you giggle. "What? I really am ok, I'm just annoyed"

He looked at you for another second, "Do you want to talk about it?"

"About what? Complain to you about how big of an asshole he was and about how stupid I am? Where's that gonna get me?"

"First of all, you're not stupid. At all, Y/n. You know that"

"My actions and decisions over the past few months would beg to differ, Chan." you sighed, "It's not his fault he was a piece of shit boyfriend to me, it's my fault I stayed in that relationship for as long as I did"

Too many words, some even a bit aggressive and thoughtless, almost rushed past his lips, but he managed to compose himself with a shake of his head and a deep breath. "I really don't want to be that person, Y/n, but you know traumatic experiences don't necessarily involve heavy and obvious shit. You've never been through something like this before, how were you supposed to know what the right thing to do was? You really did your best with what you had"

"Stop. You're making it sound like I'm some sort of victim or something. There's no trauma. He was never violent, never raised his hand at me or anything, it's not that serious"

"A person doesn't have to be physically violent in order to be abusive"

"He wasn't abusive. Just… toxic. It wasn't that big of a deal"

"If it wasn't that big of a deal, why are you so upset with yourself for being, as you say, stupid about it?"

Ah fuck, a red light. It wasn't like the intersection was that busy anyway, and it got you very close to offering to pay the fine only so that he'd keep driving. But his eyes were already on you, ready to pierce right into your soul the second you met them.

"What do you want me to say?" you looked down at the bag in your lap. "I don't see where you're going with this"

"I want you to stop being angry at yourself. To stop blaming yourself. To realize you were not the problem. That's all I want"

"If that's really the right way to look at things, it's gonna take me a long fucking while" you chuckled bitterly, tone full of spite and anger.

But still, Chan's voice was as calm and sweet as ever. "And I'll be here for you until then. And after. Ok?"

You really had no right to be this cold to him. "Look at you being so wise and selfless. Try telling me again that I'm not just a stupid girl who needs looking after"

"Y/n, if the roles were reversed, would you think I was stupid? Would you defend the person that repeatedly hurt me?"

"I'm not defending him"

"That's exactly what you're doing by putting all the blame on your own shoulders. I'm not saying you should crucify him, although I would, all I'm saying is that you shouldn't carry this weight. If he refuses to own up to his shit and try to do better, that's on him, but you shouldn't be the one to take responsibility for this just because he won't do it"

Although the things he was saying made sense from the very beginning, it was getting harder and harder for you to keep up with the conversation. A short period of silence followed where you didn't know what to say, but your ticket out of this tensioned position came at the perfect time.

"Light's green" you said and pointed to the traffic lights after seeing Chan make no effort to start the car.

He blinked for a second, looked in the rear view mirror and then turned to you again, "There's no one behind, it's fine"

"Chan! Drive"

"Y/n, look at me"

There was a very strong reason you avoided his stare during this whole car ride, and it was getting harder and harder to manage your emotions. "I can't"

"Why?" his voice broke a little "It's just me, Y/n, it's ok"

You squeezed your eyes shut and threw your head back, "Please, I don't want to start crying right now, just start the car. Just drive"

And he did. He wordlessly followed your request and drove in silence for as long as he could, but when he reached the intersection next to your neighborhood and had to stop at another red light, he couldn't help himself. "Y/n, do you want to be alone right now?"

"I don't want to continue that conversation"

"It's not what I asked," Chan softly said. "I won't bug you, I promise. But I'm here if you just… don't want to be alone at home"

"Are you sure it's ok?"

"Of course, I wouldn't have offered if it wasn't"

"You totally would've" you weakly laughed, "You always put other people first."

He didn't know how to tell you that it was you who he was putting first - not other people. Sure, he cared about his friends, but he wasn't doing this because he was a caring person, he was doing this because he cared about you. And on top of that, he hoped that this night he was about to spend with you would be the first one on a long, maybe endless, list of things he planned on doing in order to make sure that you finally realized that, even if you hadn't seen it before, to some, to him, you really did come first.

After that, Chan offered to go to the drive through two blocks away for some food, but the laziness prevailed. You wanted to get home faster and weren't about to let him go by himself, so as he searched for a parking spot behind your building, you tapped in the order on your phone and placed it before entering your apartment.

While the atmosphere was still somewhat tense, you two managed to enjoy the food and down two liters of tea without any upsetting topic being brought up.

By the time you decided to head to bed, it was already half past 4. And if Chan had to insist on taking the couch, you also insisted on making it as cozy for him as possible, bringing him 3 different blankets, 4 pillows and an army of stuffed animals to keep him company.

But while fatigue had already crept up your spine and made your eyelids feel heavy, sleep only circled around you and refused to settle. It was your buzzing mind and hurricane of thoughts that kept the sleep at a safe distance, and it was just a matter of time until you had to get out of bed.

This was why you insisted he took your room, so that now, when you wanted to go into the kitchen, you wouldn't have to walk past him. But since there was nothing to be done about it now, you settled for tiptoeing your way to the sink, filling up a glass of water and downing it in the blink of an eye.

Truth be told, you wanted another tea, but the sound of the boiling water would for sure wake Chan up. Maybe a pudding would do, you thought to yourself as you licked the lid before throwing it into the trash. It was good, your favorite - no surprise since you were the one who bought it, but it didn't do much. Chips? Nah, and even if you wanted some, you forgot to get a new bag anyway. Then.. fruit? But after tea and pudding? Also a no.

It was getting annoying - nothing to keep you busy so you wouldn't have to return to your room. The one obvious option that was left made you cringe. You wouldn't do that, he had been so nice to you all night, it would be very shitty of you to disturb his sleep. Or maybe… he had been so sweet to you all night, he definitely wouldn't mind being sweet a bit more, right?

So without giving yourself the chance to change your mind, you took off towards the couch, your eyes fixed on his sleeping - or not, frame. The way he raised his arm, along with the blanket, almost startled you.

"Come here" he chuckled, before even looking at you.

"Did I wake you?"

"Nope, I wasn't sleeping" he said and then waved his arm in the air, "Come on"

Your first instinct was again to ask if he was sure about it, but you brushed it off and climbed in beside him, cuddling against his chest as he wrapped his arm around your frame, covering you with the blanket all the way up to your cheeks.

"Thank you" you said, all your muscles relaxing under the warmth of his body pressed to yours. "I'm sorry I was mean to you earlier"

"You weren't mean to me" he shook his head. As a small but strong reassuring gesture, his fingers made their way to the back of your neck and lost themselves in your hair. He lightly scratched your scalp as he spoke. "The conversation wasn't pleasant so you just weren't as bubbly as usual, that's normal. You weren't mean to me, Y/n, don't worry"

"I really wasn't the nicest though"

"You don't have to be the nicest with everyone all the time"

"Not with everyone, with you. You have the biggest heart in the world, I don't ever want to upset it"

"That's ok" Chan hummed, kissing the top of your head, "She understands, you didn't upset her."

"Your heart is a she?" you giggled.

He wasn't going to say that his heart was a she because you were his whole heart - that would've been cheesy, but it was late and the love of his life was wrapped around him, so he didn't judge himself for it, just brushed the thought aside. "I don't know why I said she," he lightly chuckled, "It felt right, I guess?"

Without saying anything, you cuddled closer so that you could press your ear against the left side of his chest. He felt calm around you, but his heart drummed against your cheek and it made you feel closer to him and safer than ever, "Thank you"

"Anything for you" Chan hummed, allowing the both of you to finally relax enough to be able to fall asleep.

The next morning came and went, neither of you showing any signs of planning to wake up any time soon. A little bit past noon however, maybe around 1pm, Chan started stirring in his sleep. When he opened his eyes and checked his phone, the urge to just say fuck it and remain in your soft embrace almost won. But he had another thing on his mind, probably the only thing in the world that could've ever gotten him to leave that couch.

For a split second he thought it would be rude to rummage through your kitchen so he stopped dead in his tracks and looked at his shoes by the front door. He could go out and buy the ingredients he needed to make breakfast, but what if you heard the door and woke up, that would ruin the surprise. Plus, in the past, he'd been given free access to absolutely everything in your apartment, why would this morning be any different.

"Jesus, why am I like this, calm down, it's just an omelet" Chan said to himself as he opened your fridge and got to work.

Shortly after, you woke up too. Disappointment hit him a bit when he realized he couldn't surprise you with food anymore, but one thing he didn't know he needed in his life was a cooking session with you. There were so many little things he didn't know about you, so many things that he was so ready to love - the ridiculous amount of kitchen towels you used, the fact that you washed your hands a hundred times while cooking because who wants to touch the cheese with tomato juice on their fingers, the fact that there was a picture of a random dog you thought was cute on one of your cupboard doors and so on. He didn't have to try hard to find something to make him giddy inside, not when he was so close to this genuine, unbothered and honest version of you.

Once the food was done, you both took your seats across from one another at the table, and the topic of discussion you had just started swiftly melted away in favor of comfortable silence and the occasional utensil clatter.

"Hey, um, can I ask you something?" you questioned as you toyed with a piece of bread on your plate. "And please don't be afraid to humble me in case I'm reaching"

"Sure, what is it?"

"Am I the reason you haven't even looked at any type of alcohol whenever we went out during the past few months?"

Even though he wasn't facing you, instead staring down at his food, you still saw his eyes widen in.. embarrassment maybe? "I um… I hoped you wouldn't notice"

His reaction only made you soften further, a very strange warm feeling spreading from the middle of your chest. "You didn't have to do that, Chan"

"I know I didn't" he nodded and only looked at you for a split second before repeating himself, eyes fixed on his plate. "I know I didn't, you didn't even ask me to, but I wanted you to have that"

"Chan…"

He still wasn't meeting your eyes. "You said you didn't feel safe if everyone around you was drunk, and that's totally understandable, especially since our friend group is mostly guys. And like I know, I know none of them would ever do anything to make you feel uncomfortable or anything, but still… I know you asked your ex not to drink too much when you went out together, but he never listened. I saw he never listened and I saw the look in your eyes, so I don't know… I did the next best-" he stopped to shake his head, "I did what I could"

"Channie" you pleaded, extending your hand across the table for him to take, but he didn't. However, he looked up, met your eyes and continued speaking.

"Like it's not even that big of a fucking deal

you know? We all have needs, we all deserve someone to listen to us and to care for us, what does he do? Partners are supposed to make each other feel safe and heard and him… fuck him! Fuck him for treating you like that. Fuck him for disrespecting you. Fuck him for making you, you out of all people, a literal angel we're all blessed to have in our lives, look into my eyes and tell me you think you're stupid. Fuck him for getting into your head and making you think all those awful things-"

That was it. You couldn't bear it anymore. You dropped everything you had in your hands and rushed around the table to him, all but tackling him off the chair with the way you threw yourself against him. It was the best way you could come up with to help him calm down, to show him that you were there, and you were ok, and that everything was fine.

"Hey, Chan, it's ok" you cooed, brushing his hair, "It's ok, can you look at me?"

He did. "I'm sorry I got carried away" he shook his head, "I just… I hate him"

"I know…"

"You deserve someone better. I wish you never met him. And what's worse, what's keeping me up at night, is that I don't even know the full story. What I know is from what I've seen, I don't even want to think-"

"Then don't"

That hit him hard. "God, Y/n.. no.. I'm so sorry, I-"

"It's ok" you smiled and pushed some curly strands of hair off his forehead, "It's all over now, it's all in the past"

"Y/n" Chan shook his head and stood up to face you properly, wrapping his fingers around your wrists. "You know I'm always here, right? Whatever happens, or happened or might happen, I'll always be here for you. You have me, always. Ok?"

"Yeah, mhm" you nodded, teary eyes looking directly into his, "I know"

"You can always come to me, talk to me, anything, ok?"

"Yep"

"Always"

"Always" you nodded again and allowed him to bring you into a hug.

"And I just wanna say that I know it's just a matter of time until you find someone who will make you happy the way you deserve, but until then, let me be the one to do that"

"Make me happy?" you beamed, looking up at him, "You already make me happy"

"Ok, but like-" Chan chuckled, dimples out and all "Really happy"

"Really happy? What does that mean?"

"It means we've been so busy with work and life, we haven't hung out as much as we used to. We could start doing that again, and even as just your best friend, I know I can treat you so much better"

You probably should've taken him more seriously, "Like the Shawn Mendes song?"

Chan cringed for a second - not at the song, but at the fact that only now did he realize how cheesy he had been. "Yeah.. like the Shawn Mendes song"

"Can you learn it? And then sing it for me?"

"I, uh… yes, I guess I can"

"No, scratch that, I want a better song. I want a serenade"

"You want me to serenade you?" Chan laughed, most likely thinking you were joking.

"Yes. With a guitar and all!"

"Obviously with a guitar. What kind of a dumbass serenades someone without a guitar?"

"I don't know" you shrugged, "Some people use portable speakers and stuff"

Eyes rolled the back of his head, he pretended to shake off the distaste. "And they say romance is dead"

"But romance isn't dead, so you'll use your guitar"

His tone turned sassy and sarcastic, his hip popping to the side. "Ok, guitar. Noted. Anything else you want? Strawberries dipped in chocolate? Roses?"

"Um.. yes!? To both"

For a second he looked surprised but then jumped back into the game. "I'm writing these down, I'm not kidding" he warned, taking his phone off the table and opening the notes app.

"Good" you moved closer to look at his screen, "And, urgh, I don't know if I want you to wear a suit and tie or a leather jacket"

"Please don't make me wear a suit," he begged.

"Ok, suit and tie. Write it down"

"Write it down" he mocked you while he did as told. "Anything else?"

"Candles!"

"Ok, candles, noted"

"And bring Berry"

"Ok, Berry.." he typed. While you had a few more ideas as to how to keep this charade going, Chan was on a different page. "I'm aware that this is just a joke, but you know I'd actually love to do all of these for you, right?"

"I know" you confessed, your attitude swiftly changing as you melted under his sweet and caring gaze. "I actually do know you'd do this, and a lot more for me. But you really don't have to, not like this, not just because it's something that I'd like but haven't gotten in the past. Maybe someday, under a different context, but please, don't feel responsible for this right now"

"I don't" he wholeheartedly shook his head. "I don't feel responsible for this, and I'm not gonna do it. But if you do wake up one morning and feel like it, just let me know, ok?"

"Yes, ok" you giggled and wrapped your arms around his waist. "Thank you"

With his arm around your shoulders, he pressed his lips to your forehead. "Anything for you"

5 weeks later

The dishes were done, the trash had been taken out, your kitchen was spotless and so was your living room. And while never in your life had you ever allowed any of your guests to help you tidy up after a party, tonight had been different. Chan lingered around after everyone else had left and cheerfully helped you clean up the place, despite the clock having already struck 4.

A small part of you still felt bad for keeping him around at that hour, but a bigger part of you was happy to still have him around.

You didn't mind being alone, but you wanted him around. That was why once you were finally done making your apartment look decent again, the second Chan dared look in the direction of where his jacket and shoes were, you instantly spoke up.

"Ah, Channie! You're not that tired, are you?"

"Nuh-uh, no. Not really" he lied through his teeth. His eyes were half closed, his shoulders slumped and even standing up felt like a tedious task. But just like you, he didn't want to leave either. "Why?"

"I-um-" you struggled to come up with something, "Could you maybe take a look at my laptop? It's been acting funny"

Just as bad of a liar as he was. But he found it funny and didn't even hesitate before agreeing.

He sat on the couch and waited for you to bring your laptop, which you placed on the coffee table in front of him. "What's wrong with it?" he questioned, unable to hide his knowing smile.

"I don't know" you grinned too but in pure amusement with your antics, "It's acting… funny"

"Really? Let's see"

And just so as luck had it, the laptop was working perfectly fine. "How did you do that?" you pretended to gasp. "You fixed it!"

"I did?" he chuckled, "Magic hands, I guess"

"Yeah… probably. But I think you should stay for a bit. What if it stops working again?"

"We wouldn't want that, would we?" he hummed and then you noticed his eyes slip to the clock at the corner of the screen. 4:43am. It snapped you out of it in an instant, what the hell were you doing?

"Actually, I don't think I'm gonna use it tonight anyway. If it starts acting up again tomorrow, I'll call you. You can go, Channie. Thanks anyway"

"Can I stay anyway?" he asked and your heart nearly dropped. "Hang out for a bit?"

"Aren't you tired?"

"I am but.. I don't want to leave"

"Ok" you softly said and then fought to look anywhere but directly into his eyes. "There's some ice tea left, would you like some?"

"Mhm, sure"

Part of you expected him to refuse your offer, but you were glad he didn't. It was what most of you had to drink that night, an ice tea - soju combo you found online that turned out to be even better than expected, and now, the last remaining cups of it were on the coffee table as you settled back on the couch next to Chan.

He sipped his drink in silence, a telltale sign that something was on his mind. It was obvious he was hesitant. "Just say it" you giggled, "There's something on your mind"

"I was just… I wanted to ask, but I don't know if I should"

You knew what he meant, or at least thought you did. "Ask me"

"We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to"

"You haven't said anything" you reminded him, "I don't know if I want to talk about it or not"

"Y/n…"

"Chan…" you rolled your eyes in the exact same way that he did, which made him playfully nudge your shoulder.

"Are you ok with me drinking right now?"

"Yes! Of course! I thought you drank earlier too”

“I did, I did… I just wanted to make sure”

“It’s fine, Chris, don’t worry” you smiled and leaned into his side for a second. “I offered you the drink. And even if I hadn’t, I told you, you don’t have to stay away from alcohol at all times just because of me”

“I know…” he said, his eyes instantly falling down to his hands. “I just don’t know the whole story and I don’t want to do something by mistake and make you feel uncomfortable”

“Channie… stop, no, don’t go there. I don’t want you to feel like walking on eggshells around me. I promise I’ll tell you if there’s ever anything, but you could never make me feel uncomfortable”

“I don’t want to push you if you don’t feel like talking about it but I’ve been dying to ask” he softly said and all you did was blink as a sign for him to continue. “When or like, how did this all start?”

“Um..” you took a deep breath. You knew it would come up, that he’d eventually gather the courage to ask, and you dreaded the fact that you let things get so far before telling him. “It’s not really that big of a deal, I think I make it seem like a way more serious thing than it actually is”

“You can still tell me, you know I always want to listen to you"

“I know” you smiled and met his calm eyes. He was patient, gathered into a ball on the couch, waiting for you to speak. He wasn’t going to pressure you or dismiss your feelings, he looked at you with adoration in his eyes, all the patience in the world, all just for you. “I.. I don’t feel comfortable around drunk people because I feel like they’re unpredictable. And unfiltered, I guess. It’s wrong of me to assume, but I can’t help but fear that everyone is going to act like that when they get drunk. And I’m always afraid that in case they say or do something that bothers me, they won’t listen when I try to talk to them, that they’d keep doing their thing no matter what I say. That was why I wanted my ex boyfriend to stay relatively sober when we went out together, so that I’d have someone to turn to in case I felt overwhelmed. Funny-” you chuckled bitterly, “He was the only one who acted like that whenever there was alcohol around. Everyone else is just more giggly and prone to start dancing out of nowhere”

“I’m very sorry he never listened to you, Y/n”

“That’s ok, it’s all in the past now. I like to think that if I ever find myself in a similar situation again, I’ll at least know to get out faster. I promised myself I’d never allow a person like this in my life, but I did, and that made me feel really bad about myself. So, baby steps, I guess”

“Why did you promise yourself that before?”

You sighed. “It was my dad. He used to drink a lot back when I was younger, always looking to start fights and all that. He’s the reason for a lot of my anxieties, but blaming him is not gonna get me anywhere. I’m just trying to do my own thing”

“And you’re doing a really good job, Y/n” Chan said.

“You think so?” you giggled, the weight of the topic making you more inclined to show your emotions, no matter how much you’d have liked to keep a strong front.

“I really do” he nodded, “And I love to see it”

“You know it’s thanks to you, right?”

“It’s not thanks to me, Y/n” Chan rolled his eyes and opened his arms for you. “Come here”

After setting your drink down, you crawled closer and cuddled into his chest, your head tucked right under his chin. “It is, because you gave me everything and never expected anything in return. I barely felt comfortable enough to be myself when I was alone, but you made me feel safe enough to realize that maybe there’s nothing wrong with me, that I can accept myself and that maybe other people will accept me too. And at the same time, I realized that I don’t really care what other people see in me or not, because you see me and you like me just the way I am, and that’s a big deal to me.”

When you stopped speaking, you couldn’t see him. You had your cheek pressed against his chest and even though you were able to feel his heart rate quicken, you didn’t think much of it. But when he failed to answer, you quickly turned your head to look at him. His glossy eyes met yours, bottom lip popping out as he struggled to keep himself from letting out more than he considered appropriate.

“I just really, really love you, Channie” you said past the heavy lump that was building in the back of your throat. “And going back to what you asked me earlier, no, you could never make me feel uncomfortable. Not that it matters much, but the last time I saw you drunk, you spent one whole hour reading the truth or dare cards and laughed your heart out by yourself and then you went to sleep. But even so, I think I’m past the point where it’s about what you say or what you do, it’s just… you. I love you” you said again and squeezed him in your hold, arms tightening around his frame until your joints hurt. It made him chuckle and his head fell forward, along with a little, stray tear that landed on your shoulder.

“I love you, Y/n” he tried to whisper, as a pathetic attempt to hide the way his voice trembled. But you heard it, you felt it, and in return, only smiled as you looked up at him.

"You're my person"

"I'll be whatever you want me to be, so then I'll take it, I'll be your person"

"No, you don't get it" you laughed and cuddled back into the cushions so you could face him as you gathered your knees to your chest. "You are my person. I always considered my roommate to be my best friend, and I always thought my partner should be my half. But it's still always been you, the one person I run to and the one person I always want to talk to. I guess that never sat right with me." as you spoke, your tone got progressively lighter, until a giggle escaped, "I guess I need you out of my life so I can move on"

"Hey!" Chan's face suddenly got serious. He nudged your knee, fixed you with his stare and pointed a finger in your face. "Don't say that"

But you did, you said it, and were ready to say it again. It was a dumb thought, you knew that, but still, you couldn't shake it. It had been in the back of your mind for too long, popping up at the most inopportune moments, but this wasn't one of those. Now you were being honest, getting stuff off of your chest, and if there was a moment to say this out loud, it was now.

"I'm serious" you leaned your temple against your closed fist and looked down, "I don't want this to sound like a 'reject me so I can move on' type of thing, but I do look for you in other people. And I know I'm not gonna find you there, but I still get disappointed when I don't"

"But why not me? Why look for me in other people when I'm right here?"

"Don't say that" you cuddled closer into yourself. "I thought about it, of course I did. And I wanted to make a move, more than once, but we wouldn't work. This isn't right"

While he looked hurt by your words, there was a glimmer of hope in his eyes - in the way he looked at you, as if he was one step away from having it all and was determined to fight for it. "Why do you think that?"

"I already feel like a leech, but it's one thing when you're just my friend. I don't think we'd have a very healthy attachment. You pieced me back together, and I love that - for myself. But it wouldn't be fair to you. You shouldn't have to constantly do that for your partner. At least not when they can't do the same for you"

"Y/n" he said in a serious tone, his eyes fixed on yours. "You can't possibly believe that"

"It's true, though"

"No, it's not. Just because you've been through a difficult time and I've been here for you, doesn't mean you haven't been there for me too!"

"Yeah, but I haven't done anything any of your other friends wouldn't have."

"Well then" he began speaking and struggled to hide his grin. "Why did you do all of those things for me if you knew I had others who could do them?"

"Why?" you frowned. "Why!? Because I wanted to. Because I wanted to be-" but then it hit you. "Oh shut up!" you exclaimed and stood up from the couch, your feet involuntarily leading you towards the kitchen. "I'm not having this conversation with you!"

"Y/n! Come back here!" Chan laughed out loud and jumped to follow you, all a giggle as he caught up with you. He placed his chin on your shoulder and wrapped his arms around you from behind, his chuckles even more uncontrollable now that he had seen the flustered look on your face. "You're my person too!"

"Chan, stop it" you giggled and hid your face behind your palms.

"Who let's me sleep over because they know that if I'm alone I'll spend the entire night working? Who's the first one that gets to hear my songs? Who do I call crying when I miss home? Is it you?" he chuckled, "Is it? The way you come over every single time I tell you I miss my family. Remember that one time you had some work to do, but you still came over and we haven't talked for hours because you were busy, but just the fact that you were there, with me, put me back on my feet? Y/n, look at me"

You shook your head, overwhelmed and completely confused by the hurricane of emotions swirling around your chest.

"You're my home, you dumb ass" he kissed the side of your head. "It's funny to me that you didn't know"

Itchy on the inside and too fired up to stay still, you wiggled your way out of his hold and turned to face him. "How was I supposed to know?" you threw your arms up in frustration, eyes glossy as you giggled your way through the sentence, "You never told me, you idiot"

"Was it really that effortless for you? To be everything I ever needed?"

"Oh, shut up!" you scoffed, the tears now threatening to spill down your cheeks. Again, you tried to hide from him, but Chan wasn't having it.

"Come here" he hugged you again, "I love you"

"Leave me alone" you cried, face hidden in the crook of his neck.

It might have looked like he found it amusing, but he too was overwhelmed. His little chuckles were nothing else other than a sign of all the admiration and awe he felt inside when he looked at you, of the warmth around his heart as you clung to his hoodie like your life depended on it.

But eventually you pulled away. "Ok, I'm done. I love you" you wiped your tears and turned to leave, "But I'm also done with this conversation"

"Hey, hey, hey!" Chan exclaimed, not missing a beat before caging you in between his arms and the counter behind you. "All these years I thought my feelings were one sided, today I find out they aren't, that you feel the same way, but then you tell me you don't want to do anything about it?"

"Basically"

"Y/n!" he laughed in despair, "Come on. Give me one good reason we shouldn't be together. Just one"

"I- I don't have one. I'm just scared"

"Of what?" Chan asked softly, "It's just me. You know me"

"I don't know" you lied. "It's scary. You make it scary"

"I make it scary?" he gasped.

"What if I fuck up?"

You scoffed. "Yeah, right"

"Love, at this point, you're just being delusional. I have no idea what's going on inside that head of yours, but I'd love to find out. Tomorrow. Now it's the buttcrack of morning, I've been dying to kiss you for god knows how long and you're just standing here, spewing nonsense as if you're not the most amazing person I've ever met."

"I'm sorry" you looked down.

Chan tiled your chin back up so you'd look at him, "Don't be sorry, just trust me"

"I trust you"

"Then, can I kiss you?"

And a little nod was enough. And no matter how nervous you might have been, his hold, like so many times before, drained the worries right out of your mind. And the awkwardness - ever present whenever you kissed someone for the first time, especially someone you cared about, barely managed to make its presence felt. Because at the end of the day, nothing was new. You may have never kissed him before, but the intimacy was familiar. You knew his touch, how he felt, how gentle he was and how much he cared. Only now, you got to experience that through a kiss shared in your kitchen, while the sun was rising, after you opened your heart for him and he still craved you as much as ever.

And while in a way it felt cathartic - the release of so much pent up emotion, it was still frustrating. You couldn't get as close as you wanted no matter how hard you pressed yourself against him, and you couldn't get enough of his taste despite going at it until dizziness took over.

It was hard to pull away for air when the kiss itself felt like breathing.

The sun was already up and at the top of the sky by the time you opened your eyes. You had probably gotten around 5 or 6 hours of sleep when something stirred you awake.

Excited to wake up for the first time in ages, you didn't care what interrupted your sleep, you just stretched over to the other side of the bed, and frowned when you found it empty.

But then there it was again, the sound that woke you up. The neighbors, you thought, climbing out of bed.

The reasonable thing to do was head to the bathroom, fix your hair a little, maybe brush your teeth, but there was something else on your mind and you went to look for it.

"Chan?" you stopped dead in your tracks in the middle of the hallway, one hand rubbing your squinted eyes. "What are you-"

"Ah, fuck" he looked up at you, like a child caught red-handed. He didn't move, just sat there in his spot on his knees by the door, unable to come up with a way to word an explanation. He hoped you'd understand it yourself.

It took you a second but the details started coming one by one - the suit, the tie, the guitar against the wall. There were rose petals on the floor. And under Chan's arm - the source of the sounds that woke you up - Berry fidgeting and yelping, desperately trying to wiggle his way out Chan's grip and over to you.

"Chan, what is this?" you scrunched your face at the itchiness in your nose and furiously blinked at the way your eyes suddenly started stinging.

"You, uh… weren't supposed to wake up yet"

"Chan, what the fuck is this"

Wordlessly, he put Berry down and stood up.

The dog sprinted at you, tail wagging as his little paws clawed at your legs. All you could do was pick him up and squeeze him to your chest, sinking your nose in his soft fur as a way to ignore everything else.

"You don't like it," Chan simply said. It probably should have been a question, but the insecurity inside his chest made it sound like a statement. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

"Don't like it?" you mumbled, walking towards him as Berry still worked on greeting you with some well deserved and hungry licks all over your chin, cheek and jaw. "Chan, I-"

"I also got candles," he pointed to the kitchen table, "And strawberries. And there's chocolate too"

You walked over and spotted the bowl, full of chocolate dipping cream, covered with a plastic wrap. "Did you make this!?"

"No, no… I would've- I really wanted to, but there wasn't time. I asked Felix"

"You asked Felix?"

He responded with a shameful nod but then jumped to clarify. "I didn't tell him what I needed it for, I- I said it was just for fruit in general. I didn't want to tell anyone anything until I talked to you first, especially because I was a little bit pushy last night, so if you want me to leave, I'll leave-"

"Leave!? Pushy? No, you weren't pushy, stop it"

He breathed out relieved. "Ok, good, because I could barely sleep last night, I- I felt like I forced you to kiss me and I felt so bad, but you were already asleep and I didn't know-"

"Oh my god, no" you shook your head and launched yourself at him, a tight hug with Berry squeezed in the middle. "You didn't pressure me to do anything, relax"

And while the embrace felt good and homey for you, Chan didn't mirror your emtions. He was still on edge, only half of his grand plan having played out yet. "There's still the song, I promised I'd serenade you"

"You learned a song for me" you melted, "What song?"

"You haven't heard it before"

"I haven't?"

"No, because I wrote it. It's about you. For you. I wrote it when you first joked about all of this, I wrote it all that night, and I've been dying to play it for you ever since then, but now I'm so nervous, I think-" he tugged at the collar of his shirt, "I think I'll combust"

While in awe with everything happening, you weren't quite happy. "But I don't like this, Chan. You put so much effort into this and I haven't even washed my face. Can you give me a second? So I don't look like-" you gestured up and down your body, "this"

"You know… I feel like I've been so cheesy and over the top this morning, that I don't think one more cliche is going to make that big of a difference."

As you switched Berry from one side to the other due to your arms growing tired, you raised one eyebrow in confusion.

With nothing but admiration in his eyes, Chan smiled, "You have never looked more beautiful to me"

Thank you for reading!! I hope you enjoyed it!!! 🥺 feedback makes my day so I'd love to hear what you thought!!! ❤️❤️

#bang chan x reader #bang chan fluff #bang chan angst #bang chan imagines #skz imagines #bang chan fanfic #bang chan fic #bang chan #stray kids x reader

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elysiumarchieve · 1 year

Note

Got any Scara sleeping / cuddling headcanons? ♡

sleeping scara is a blessing honestly

scaramouche sleeping/cuddling headcanons

warnings: scaramouche's past, angsty fluff?? it's mostly fluff but it's scaramouche what do you expect at this point

✧ scaramouche does not have a decent sleeping schedule

✧ in fact, being a puppet formerly created to hold onto a gnosis, i don't think he actually requires sleep in the same way that normal humans do - it was something that already bothered him during his time as the nameless eccentric wanderer

✧ unlike all other humans, he did not feel sleepy or tired in the same way they did. emotionally drained, yes, and there was also this dull aching in his chest, but no signs of weariness

✧ however, closing his eyes nowadays brings back memories he would rather like to forget and bury in a dark place within his mind, memories that remind him of how cruel betrayal was and how much he despised everyone

✧ and considering that he was seemingly tossed aside by his own creator for crying in his sleep, he even hates sleeping, so have fun trying to get him to rest his eyes

✧ scaramouche refuses to sleep nor to rest near you. he doesn't require it, so why should he lay down? is he supposed to bore himself to sleep for eight hours straight?

✧ if you sleep, that's completely fine with him. you're human and it's only natural for your weak body to rest - otherwise you might end up suffering even more from your lack of sleep (and he doesn't need to have a tired and groggy s/o tagging along)

✧ the rare moments in which you'll ever keep a glimpse of how he presumably could look like while he's asleep is when you wake up in the middle of the night

✧ with one arm around your shoulder and gently holding you close to him, you can't even feel a muscle move or a single sound from him - at first you might even believe he's actually dead because he doesn't even breathe (does he even need to breathe is a legitimate question at this point)

✧ in case you're lucky enough you might even have to chance to glance up at his face to see how his face actually looks relaxed

✧ his eyes are closed and his eyebrows aren't knitted together as when he's talking to anyone below his value

✧ it almost feels unreal to see him like this, calm and not snapping at people who bother him; especially since most of the time, you'd find him staring into nowhere particular and he'd call that 'resting'

✧ you have no idea what he dreams of and neither would he ever tell you. his dreams aren't worth mentioning and besides, why do you even believe the balladeer of all people dreams?

✧ you might catch his eyebrows move a little before his eyes just violently snap open and he's back from 'resting his eyes' for five minutes. he almost looks,, sad? there's a look in his eyes that whatever he just saw were things he actually wishes to leave behind

✧ if he catches you staring at him, he'll ignore you and simply tell you to stop gawking at him. if you managed to remain undetected however, you can practically feel how his hand around your arms tightens a little - not to hurt you but to actually feel that you're right next to him

✧ scaramouche doesn't really 'cuddle'. he doesn't see the necessity for it and thus deems it as unnecessary for him. but if his s/o wishes to cuddle him to go to sleep, he'll probably groan but do it anyways

✧ cuddling with him is kind of,,, complicated. he's stiff, doesn't really know where to put his hands and in the end, he'll only complain about it which makes this entire thing even worse

✧ he genuinely has no patience for any of this and he thinks it's below him to learn how to 'cuddle' with you. however, since it's you, he'll try (while complaining and groaning about the entire ordeal)

✧ while he's somewhat stiff, he tries copying what you do to him - but he's completely silent while doing it which makes it somewhat uncomfortable. in a way, you two look absolutely ridiculous

✧ if you happen to fall asleep on him, congrats, he ain't having it. what if he needs to move and you lay right on top of him? he can't have that

✧ however, what is rather sweet of him is that he wouldn't simply push you off of him - if you fell asleep on him he'd try waking you first. if that fails, he'll do his best to get you off almost too carefully before putting you in your bed and leaving you there while he goes about what scaramouche does in his free time

✧ scaramouche, however, never thought however how comforting it was to just lay there and feel the steady beating of your heart when he holds you, and just listen to it - no thinking, no tragic memories crossing his mind, just the besting of your heart and your gentle snores if you had fallen asleep

✧ in fact, it's enough to make even him drowsy enough and help him close his eyes even for a few minutes (hours?). when his eyes usually open again it's bright outside and he curses you for cursing him in such a cruel manner (what if you disappear or betray him? is he getting weaker again?)

✧ actually, he doesn't even understand how you manage to fall asleep with him, but he always makes sure to remind you that you look stupid in your sleep (you don't)

#genshin x reader #genshin impact #genshin #kunikuzushi #headcanons #scaramouche #scaramouche x reader

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acourtofthought · 1 month

Note

You often mention that because Lucien already lost Jesminda — someone he believed to be his mate — he won’t lose his mate again (Elain). That Sarah wouldn’t do that to him.

But have you considered that this could also be the very reason why Lucien doesn’t want or need a mate, and may not end up with Elain?

Think about it: Lucien loved Jesminda. He mourned her death for centuries. Now that it’s revealed that Jesminda isn’t actually her mate… and Elain is… do you think Lucien somehow loves Jesminda less? Or views their past relationship in a lesser manner? I doubt it.

If anything, it would prove to Lucien that in the grand scheme of things, a mating bond has little bearing on true love.

Jesminda, as per canon: had loved Lucien “without question” and “without hesitation.” Jesminda had “chosen” him.

Elain, as per canon: is only involved with Lucien because of the mating bond that neither asked for (basically a glorified arranged marriage). There is question, and there is certainly hesitation. When it came down to it in ACOSF, Elain chose Azriel, not Lucien.

Jesminda wasn’t Lucien’s mate, but loved him with all she had. Elain is Lucien’s mate… and seemingly wants nothing to do with him. Again, wouldn’t this just prove to Lucien that a mating bond really means… fuck all?

An apt comparison is to the Rowan/Lyria/Aelin saga. Although Rowan loved Lyria (and even once believed they were mates), when it came down to it, Rowan later reflected that he and Lyria were such different people, and were never that compatible in the first place.

“He'd come to love Lyria--that had been true. And the guilt of it ate him alive whenever he thought of it, but he could understand now. Why Lyria had been so frightened of him for those initial months, why it had been so damn hard to court her, even with that mating bond, its truth unknown to Lyria as well. She had been gentle, and quiet, and kind. A different sort of strength, yes, but not what he might have chosen for himself.”

Doesn’t that sound familiar…?

Instead, Rowan found his match in Aelin. From the start, even when they were arguing and bickering and cruel to one another, there was always a spark. Always passion.

In the same way Vassa and Jesminda (who we know Lucien adored) are described in the same way. Compatible. Lucien is lighter around Vassa. He found a home with her, when no one else offered him one (including Elain).

And never once was Rowan blushing around other women, or travelling to nearby continents to save other women while Aelin remained at home… as Lucien was for Vassa.

Never once was Aelin near kissing other men, or buying other men gifts while Rowan was in the same house… as Elain was for Azriel.

“A bird of flame ... and a lord of fire. I wondered if they'd found each other yet."

Why would SJM say that for it to lead to… nothing?

So what I just gathered from that is your acknowledgement that it took Rowans real mate to help him finally move past his sadness and guilt with Lyria (who he believed was his mate), and eventually fall in love with Aelin, his actual mate.

It also seems like it took Lucien meeting his real mate to start moving on from his guilt and past with Jesminda, who he thought was his mate. And could also eventually have a HEA with Elain, his actual mate.

For both males, it took their actual mate to move forward.

And yes, Rowan did separate from Aelin for a period of time. Just like Lucien is living elsewhere.

Are they the exact same scenarios? No but why would they be? Did Aelin have a sister that she was living with? Is Elain an assassin who had other business to deal with? These are different characters with different stories and Elucien is the only SJM pairing to have a bond snap like it did. Elain was the only character engaged and in love with someone else when that happened.

For the females:

Aelin did not have feelings for Rowan for quite a while as she was nursing broken feelings from her relationship with Chaol. Where she slept in bed with Rowan yet still did not develop romantic feelings for him.

Which is similar to Elain not jumping immediately into Lucien's arms after her fiance rejected her (something not even Aelin had). Giving her a pretty valid reason to instead focus on an innocent crush as she's overwhelmed by the enormity of her mating bond and has not really been in a place to process those feelings.

And no, Aelin didn't hook up with someone after meeting Rowan because they were planning for a war. She had other things on her mind at that time.

Nesta definitely did though! Even though she claims she always wanted Cassian.

Lucien's not just a Lord of Fire though is he? Why would SJM have Elain say she needs "sunshine" then reveal Lucien to be the heir to the Day Court? Weird how your argument works in my favor too! ☺️. Especially when my girl Elain is still the one he longs for after living with said Bird of Flame. If he's had a year to get to know Vassa yet Elain is still the one he wants I'm thinking Vassa just doesn't do it for him, sorry! 🤷

You're trying to say that because Lyria wasn't what Rowan would have chosen for himself the same can be said of Elain for Lucien except... It kind of seems like Elain is what he wants since he's still coming around despite her distance?

You can't honestly believe Lucien truly knew Elain the very first time he met during her depression which led to him thinking back on Jesminda..

He was remembering Jesminda when she was happy and free. And he had recently discovered Elain was in love with someone else and therefore he was struggling with the realization she probably wouldn't want him. Of course the two females seemed very different to Lucien in that moment. It doesn't mean Lucien didn't end up liking what he learned the more he learned of her.

And Rowan was a warrior which is why he was best suited to a mate who was also a fighter.

Lucien has no interest fighting (though he'll do it when he has to). Doesn't it stand it reason that a female who isn't a warrior, one with a different sort of strength, is the perfect fit for him? Exactly as his real mate is described?

Lyria was married to Rowan and he thought that of her. When Lucien and Elain are married, we can compare notes 😉.

Again, Lyria was his fake mate. Probably why Rowan wouldn't have chosen her.

Elain is Lucien's real mate.

And what Lucien wanted in his youth is not necessarily who he'd want now. Jesminda was wild and free and Lucien at the time would have given up his title for her. That doesn't really sound like the right fit for a grown Lucien who wants to help the courts and is set up to be a future High Lord with responsibilities.

And Az blushed at Mor while Elain was in the room. Are you trying to claim that all blushes equal endgame love interests? He blushed for Nesta in SF.

You might want to check out the TOG series because a male who wasn't Lorcan blushed at Elide.

Also, Lucien wasn't blushing at Vassa, he was blushing because Feyre was embarrassing him in front of his mate.

It's funny how e/riels come onto my page acting like Elain isn't special compared to Vassa, just to ship Lucien with anyone else.

She's Elain Fucking Archeron. The most beautiful female he'd ever seen. She's kind, wise, thoughtful, generous and loving (all words used in the series to describe her). AND she's his mate. It's very amusing that you think Vassa could top that for Lucien.

He's desired by many females but there's only one he wants.

You're also forgetting that it's not just because he lost Jesminda that I feel this way. The author was going to pair him with Nesta but didn't because she realized they'd be a poor fit. Why would she pair him with the other sister if she was also going to be a bad match for him?

That wouldn't make a lot of sense now, would it?

Oh! Adding an Edit:

Lucien also loved Jesminda to the point that he thought she was his mate because he had never experienced a mating bond, he was able to convince himself that what he felt was the love from a bond. Now that he knows exactly how powerful and consuming a mating bond is, how can he ever go back from that? Not only will another female never have the potential of being his mate (meaning he'll never love her to the point of thinking she could be because he knows she never will), but he will also be lacking the thread that exists between them.

He knows what a bond is now. He knows that it helps him sense Elain. That sitting with her and feeling her caused him to blush.

Once your eyes are opened up, you can't go back from that.

Knowing that Elain is his mate and understanding what a mating bond actually is means that it will be difficult for him to be without it.

I know he doesn't love Jesminda less than he once did but there will be a difference for Lucien in his first love versus his forever love, especially once he shares a bond with. It's silly to think that just because he believed something in his youth, he can easily go back to that after centuries and the new experience he's gathered with having a real mating bond with someone.

And Vassa and Jesminda are the furthest thing from similar. Jesminda was "laughter and mischief". Please show me where you've gotten hints of that from Vassa's character.

#elucien #pro elucien #anti vassien #anti e/riel

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gayerthanevertbh · 1 year

Text

tall child | i want you pt. 6

natasha romanoff masterlist | series masterlist | navigation

pairings: older!natasha romanoff x young!fem reader

summary: your father doesn’t know it yet, but you’re in love with his best friend. and what makes it better is that you’re sure enough that she feels the same way. the sad part is, neither of you can word out your love for each other properly.

warnings: slight argument, heavily detailed smut, g!p natasha, dom!natasha & sub!reader, dirty talking, pet names, slight fluff, and angst - MINORS DNI.

notes: what you ask, you shall receive! also listen to “i want you” at the end of the chapter, trust me it’s worth it lol x

I had anticipated the party at Felicia's house before I arrived. Only a few people were present; by "few people" I meant at least 20 people gathered around the house. Most of them were outside, swimming by the pool. The others were by the kitchen, where a single man serving them drinks appeared to be my dad's age. While watching MJ try her best to flirt with Felicia, who showed no interest, I was in the pool area with my feet in the water. Why would you go after someone who has no interest in you? I don’t understand the concept of that. You’re just wasting your time, leave before you get hurt.

I wasn’t an experience alcoholic drinker, I barely even drank half of the beverages that were served in the kitchen. Maybe it's because my tolerance for alcohol isn’t so great – I remember myself getting drunk for the first time and being woken up by my father laughing fondly at me. Oh, Y/n, he would say with a sigh. You’ve always been such a little girl. And maybe I was; which made me feel a little uncomfortable being here.

Yet I still drank half of the vodka that was in my glass.

I considered calling Natasha and asking her to drive me home, but she mentioned that she was going to play poker at an underrated bar in town. I was intrigued at first. Why would you play poker this late in the evening? Are you seeing someone else? Is some girl touching your crotch now since I'm not good at it? To be fair, though, I was also outside, and if I had those thoughts, I'd come off as hypocritical. I wonder what she thinks of me and what her thoughts may be when it comes to me. Did she like the way we kissed? How our hands touch under the dining table with my father around? I could still taste the saliva from her mouth, and it was sweet like a grape. Having these naughty thoughts tingles down my spine, it wouldn’t be the best idea to do it here out and open.

“Y/n.”

As I slowly turned around, I saw Bucky standing there with his yellow shirt open to reveal his bare chest. Before taking a sip, I grinned at him a little, hoping he wouldn't notice how I was cringing at the taste.

When I did not respond to him, he sat down next to me and removed one stick of tobacco from his shirt's small pocket. He gave me another look in the hopes that I would return at least one, but I did not. He sighed.

“How are you?”

I shrugged. “Doing okay I guess,” I finished my glass and felt myself wincing. I shouldn’t even be drinking this kind of alcohol, it makes me feel sick. “How about you?”

“Doing great now since you’re talking to me.”

“Are we supposed to be on speaking terms?”

“Y/n–”

“I know what you did the other day,” I told him, showing him that I’m not into small talk. He pursed his lips together and hung his head low. “You tried ruining us both, I thought you were my best friend?”

“My feelings for you don’t go away for a day,” he explained. “You expect me to be fine when she looks at you the way I look at you? No, of course not. You picked someone so old when you could have me to spend the rest of your life with. I think she’s using you only for pleasure, Y/n.”

“How do you even know that?” I couldn’t help but scoff under my breath, turning away from his face as I could see an agonizing pain from him – which I cannot endure. But when he said that Natasha might be using me, somehow that made me think. What if she was? What if I’m just some girl that she’ll take advantage of, and that I’m nothing special? That stung my heart, and I could feel my knees weaken from his statement.

Are you using me?

“You don’t think I hear you having sex with her in your room?” Bucky scoots closer to me, his lips trembling with anger or despair. “You don’t think that I haven’t seen her touching you by the waist? Or sometimes by your fucking ass? She’s using you!”

“Keep your voice down–”

“I would never use you like that,” he sighs, pinching his nose bridge. “I would never touch you the way she touches you, I don’t even think you like the way she does it.”

“But that’s none of your business!” I hissed at him, as I furrowed my eyebrows. Our conversation was getting intense, and I had this feeling to walk out. But I couldn’t. We both looked at our surroundings, and no one suspected us of having a short argument. Perhaps we weren’t so loud after all, since no one batted an eye. I kept our distance again and whispered to him, “I love her, and she loves me. She wouldn’t do something like that, I know her better than you do.”

He shrugged his shoulders and lit his cigarette before throwing it across the bushes. "Maybe you know her, but something in her eyes that screams evil," he continued. He made a poor choice by saying that. "Y/n, I love you. I doubt I'll ever love anyone else the way I love you. I will respect whatever relationship you have with her since I am still your best friend. Just... don't harm yourself. When it comes to her, be cautious.”

I wanted to stand up for her and convince him that Natasha wasn't like that. Whether or not we had sexual relations, she loved me unconditionally. She showed me numerous displays of affection that didn't require her to physically touch me, and they led to me falling in love with her. She is not at all what he has described her to be.

A moment of unbearable silence abrupt us both.

I added softly, entirely off-subject, "My mother has never reconciled with my father ever since they had a divorce,” I didn't need those sad expressions he gave me as he stared into my eyes. "And I've loathed my mother ever since. She was nothing but emotionally abusive towards me and doesn't have anything pleasant to say when it comes to my being. Natasha has been looking after me more than my mother has since I've been here. She cares about me and is always there. And when I needed her, where was she? Gone. She was there for me physically, but not emotionally. Simply put, Buck. But Natasha? She spares me the kind of suffering I've experienced."

Nothing else was said by him after that. Instead, he gave me a quick nod before getting up and heading off. I didn't chase him down or even shout his name. I simply sat there with my mouth open, thinking that if I had ever loved this boy, I never would have fallen in love with Natasha. Yet no matter how little of the world Natasha and I were a part of, I know I'll come back to her. There was nothing I could say to change the fact that we were both intended to be together.

I soon found myself back at Felicia's home. Bucky didn't bother to offer to drive me home, so MJ said she would. I offered to walk home, but she refused and grabbed her keys by the handle before leaving with me. While we were in the car, I thought heavily about what happened with Bucky a while ago. Although the drive was quiet, it wasn't uncomfortable. I listened to the music she liked on the radio and took in the nighttime sky as I imagined Natasha. For all of us, this summer was perfect. Maisy, our second maid, was chopping off leaves from our garden as my father was reading an ancient book that came from my grandfather. Natasha, meanwhile, simply sits next to him while sporting a nice expression and smoking a cigarette almost as an aesthetic. The people that were a part of my life this summer, whom I utterly cherish, are what I have enjoyed the most.

Especially that woman, that sane woman.

“Is he okay?” she asked, breaking our silence. “And you don’t seem drunk.”

“I could say the same with you.” I chuckled in response, causing her to laugh quietly as well.

“You and him have been always fighting, I don’t get it,” she said while turning her steering wheel. “Like, what are you two fighting about? Just tell me you’re gay, Y/n. Maybe then he’ll leave you alone.”

Despite being a closeted bisexual, MJ made me feel protected. Perhaps I should have told her that I could fall deeply in love with a woman, but it didn't feel appropriate to say it now, especially since we were both drunk. Yet my mouth spoke differently.

“Yeah, maybe I’ll tell him that.”

She smiled, shaking my left shoulder gently.

“I’m sure he won’t mind.”

If she only knew that I was in love with a 38-year-old woman, then she would react in a different way.

“Yeah,” I sighed. “I know he won’t.” that was the biggest lie that I’ve ever said.

I entered my room, tossed my tote bag on the floor, and flopped onto my bed to smell the fresh sheets Maisy had just changed. Tomorrow might be a better day for me, maybe my father would make something nice for breakfast, or fish at the sea with Natasha and the rest of them since that's something that we enjoyed doing. MJ might invite me over to do something fun, I don't know. My mind was clouded with exhaustion.

As I began to breathe slowly, I heard the door being closed. Too tired to turn, I whispered: “Who is it?”

“Hi, detka,” the woman that I’d been thinking about not nearly 15 minutes ago was in my room, and it made my night entirely better because she was here. I turned my head slowly and smiled at her before she got into bed with me and gave me a small kiss on the head. “I’ve missed you today.”

“Missed you too, Tasha.” I sat up with a groggy look and hugged her tight, smelling her scent. Did she drink tonight? I thought to myself. Before I could even ask, Natasha lifts up my chin and looks down at me with the most sultry eyes I’ve ever seen. “Tasha? Are you okay?”

She sighs under her breath and pushes me back down onto the bed gently, kissing my mouth with hunger as she does so. “Yeah,” she murmured while fondling my breasts over my shirt. “I just… I need you tonight.”

“What’s going on? Did something happen tonight?”

She simply shakes her head as she keeps her tongue slithering inside of my mouth. Our kiss was so intensely needy and desperate that I could hardly even comprehend it. I gently pushed away from her chest as I worriedly eyed her, but when she looked at me with those hooded eyes, I knew she wanted to fuck me right then.

“Tash, are you sure about this? You look–”

She pleaded with me imploringly, "Please," tucking her hand into my shirt and squeezing my left breast. I whimpered in return. “I'm begging you to let me make love to you tonight… please.”

How was I going to refuse her? Of course, I also desired to have sex with her. I cupped both of her cheeks and nodded, kissing her briefly before her hands assaulted my naked breasts again. As she continues to kiss my neck with her tongue flat against my skin, I notice that her eyes are closed. I shivered, not because I didn't want the kiss, but rather because the intensity of the experience made me want her to take me right there. But as soon as she lowered her sweatpants and bounced her cock in the air, my needs were satisfied.

“You want me, baby?” her voice was huskier this time, and I could feel myself getting wet from it. She swiftly removes my shorts, along with my underwear, and spreads my wet folds apart. “You want me to fuck you now? Oh, I’ve been wanting to be inside you for days…”

We didn’t have sex for the past week since everyone was at our house. But since my father was asleep and it was just the two of us, she immediately took this opportunity to fuck me in my bed – alone in the dark of my cold room. As my eyes were shut tight, I felt her hand gripping my jaw gently – asking silently to open them again.

“Look at me when I fuck you,” she demands, but not to the point that her voice is scary. I nodded in reply, my breath trembling as she slowly pumps her dick. “You know that I love you, right?”

“O-Of course,” I replied, biting my lower lip as she dragged the tip of her cock through my folds in an up-and-down motion, teasing me with that sinister grin. “Oh, god–Natasha–”

“Shh,” her thumb presses against my lips as she spits on her other hand, spreading it along with her penis while her eyes were looking down at me. My god, I think I’ve never seen this version of her before. “It’s okay, ‘m here. Daddy won’t hurt you, I just need to be inside of you right now…”

Before I could even utter a word, she slowly slipped her cock inside of me as we both groaned about how good it felt to experience this kind of sex once more. She moans into my neck, whispering: “Fuck, you’re still so tight. I could barely move inside of you, oh god…”

“Tasha,” I murmured into her ear as my nails scratched her back, her shirt still on. “You’re so big!”

“Shhh,” her lips met with mine once more as she pulled out slowly, then thrusting back in with much force this time. “Fuck, you’re so wet for me. Never notice how wet you are for me, you wanted this too… don’t you?”

I nodded, whispering with a moan, “Yes! Yes, you feel so good inside of me–Oh god, go faster!”

We could only hear my bed squeaking and quietly banging against the wall as she rocked her hips against my skin. Since we typically make a lot of noise when having sex, I was surprised by how quiet we were this time. I held her tight in my arms as she thrust into me at a faster pace, her thrusting was more different. It felt like she was in a hurry, or that she needed to release that quickly. So I lifted up her head and asked, “Take it slow, Tash. We have the time in the world.”

“Can’t,” she replied back with a whimper. “I just–Fuck, just need you right now sweet girl.”

She clung to me while repeatedly pulling her cock out of me as she observed the connection between our sexes. Natasha had a thing for watching us fucked, it was as if it was her favorite thing in the world – and I could be right. The room started to fill with the sound of our skin, and the moisture started to warm up. Once more, our lips met, and I felt her tongue brush up against mine. My body began to feel like it was heating up like a kettle. Natasha pushed thrust after thrust into me, as if I were a balloon about to burst.

Her hands were now on my hips, forcefully gripping my skin, and huffed each time her cock was hitting my spot. I felt overwhelmed by this feeling, and there was nothing I could do but hold her close and let it all happen.

“I love you,” she whimpered with a deeper voice, snapping her hips back and forth against my mind as I felt her entire length inside of me, making me whine in desperation. “I love you so much, detka. I don’t want a-anything else but you, o-only you…”

Each time she thrusts into me hard, I could hear the squelching sound coming from our joined sexes. Her gaze on me was heavy, as if she was hungry for more and I couldn’t help but give her the same look, since I felt the same way that she did. A low hum escaped from her mouth when I clenched around her dick, her hips stuttering for a bit.

“I love you too,” I whispered breathlessly. “I’ll always love you.”

Natasha's eyes were closed and she thrusts into me at a much faster pace, her hips rising. As she pursued her orgasm, she grabbed the sheet next to my head, her groans growing louder and faster. “Just like that,” she cried. “Keep taking it for me, j-just like that… Oh god!”

The bed was starting to creak loudly, and I patted her upper arm to keep ourselves quiet. She sees my hand and decides to give me a strong kiss instead, though it was sloppier than usual. “This pussy belongs to me,” Natasha panted on my lips. “All mine, okay? Not Bucky’s, mine.”

“Yours!” I moaned quietly, biting my lip hard that I could feel the coil taste on my tongue. “J-Just yours, Oh god–please!”

She stutters her hips and says, "I'm here," as she buries her head in my neck and forces her cock firmly back inside of me – her balls tighten with orgasm. “Fuck, I’m here. Just stay like that, yeah…”

I came around her cock, crying out with my eyes closed tightly. She touches my cheek with her hand and kisses the corner of my mouth, flopping herself on top of me. Our chest heaved while she lazily thrusts her cock inside of me, eventually pulling out with a sloshing sound. I looked down and saw her dick twitching, and I smiled fondly at it.

Natasha hugged me that night and slept next to me after our passionate encounter. She still had her head buried in my neck, and her leg was wrapped around my waist. Looking up at the ceiling, I held her in my arms and realized that everything we did was driven by an insatiable need for one another. I noticed her mouth was slightly gaping when I looked to my side. It made me want to reach out and touch it. She wasn't a restless sleeper, so I refrained from doing so.

“I love you,” I whispered to her slumbered self, smiling blissfully. “I love you, and I’m sure that I’m all yours until the end.”

The house was once again crowded, and this time I was irritated. My father kept inviting his colleagues, and as much as I wanted him to be happy, I also felt lonely with him because I haven't spent enough time with him since Natasha entered the scene. As I strolled down our house's hallway, I noticed Maisy making Natasha's bed. This made me concerned; it was as if she had departed without saying goodbye. "Where's Natasha?" I said as I walked past her room.

“Went out for a walk,” Maisy replied tossing her dirty sheets into the basket. “She was trying to find you a while ago, but you were still asleep.”

I let out a huff. “Oh,” I sat on the foot of her bed and placed my hand against the mattress. “When will she come back?”

“She mentioned around late noon, since she looked like she was in a rush,” she rubs the sweat off her forehead, and I decided to help her with the laundry basket – but she refused me to do so. I still don’t understand why she treats me like a kid still. “No, don’t do that! Your father will be angry if he sees you helping me.”

“But you’ve been with us ever since I was a baby.”

“And you'll always be a baby in my eyes," Maisy laughed, leaving me alone in the room. I stood up and quietly shut the door, hearing it click. I was finally alone in her room, with no one to bother me. I clung to myself on her naked mattress, desperate for her to return and kiss me again. Our sex a few weeks ago wasn't enough for me; I needed more of her like a hungry little bitch. But instead, I was all alone – just like any other summer back at home.

A few moments passed, and I suddenly felt nauseous. So I went to the kitchen to grab myself a tab of paracetamol and drank it with water, then went back to my room and rested. But by the end of the day, I still felt even more sick than usual. I was surprised that I still had more energy in me as I walked to Natasha’s door and knocked. And when she opened it, she gave me a huge smile on her face.

“Hey,” she greeted, brushing her short hair away from her forehead. “Maisy told me that you were feeling sick all day, are you alright?”

“I don’t know,” I murmured, holding my stomach together with my arms. “Just feel like I want to vomit.”

“Sweetheart, do you want me to call your dad?” she worriedly placed her hands on my shoulder as she took me back to my room, and I shook my head in reply. “Are you on your period right now?”

“I think so,” even though I haven’t checked my underwear today, I have a feeling that my period has started. “It’s okay, Tash. I can take care of myself from here.”

She merely lets out a small sigh before gently kissing my forehead and enfolding me in a cozy hug. She whispered "I love you." into my ear like a baby in a swaddle. It was pleasant to hear her utter those three little sentences once more. She looks down at me while stroking the back of my hair while having those brilliant green eyes. "Are you certain you'll look after yourself? I have to spend tonight with your father because of work and other stuff."

“I’ll be okay, I promise.”

That evening, she left with my father, leaving me once more by myself in my bedroom. After I realized there wasn't any blood on my underwear, I made the decision to use the restroom and urinate. Strange, I observed. I was supposed to have my period this morning.

I then remembered my experience with Natasha from a few weeks earlier, and I realized I had sex with her without using any form of contraception. I gazed in the mirror, terrified, but decided to remain cool because I didn't want to jump to any conclusions. Fortunately, there was a pregnancy test in the drawers since my father had added them in case of emergency and took the test.

Nine minutes later, I checked the test and it was revealed positive.

Positive.

My eyes widened, and I suddenly felt more sick than ever. I was pregnant, with Natasha’s baby.

With her baby, I’m having a child with her.

I sat on the floor, the test clenched on my fingers, my mind racing with plans to tell her about it. Would she be upset with me because I was careless? Will she accept that I won't be able to have this baby right now? I wailed quietly into the corner, feeling my world darken with horror.

how’s everything doing?

taglist: @trans-wolf-boi @generousfartdragon @marvelogic @that-one-gay-mosquito @wandanotsosure @madelineleong @kksalexa @karsonromanoff @natashaswife4125 @florojas @natashaxwife

#natasha romanoff x reader #natasha x reader #natasha romanoff #natasha angst #natasha romanoff fanfic #natasha romanoff smut #black widow x reader #black widow x you #I Want You Series #HAHAHAHAHAH

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themultifandomgal · 1 month

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Hey you! I just read that you take requests for peaky blinders and I’m wondering if you could maybe write something for John x reader? Like from s1 when he calls for a family meeting, that he wants to marry Lizzie. But reader is there maybe she works with Grace at the bar and has known John since they were young. She was in love with him but he married Martha, reader helped with their kids and her births and when his wife died she stayed around to help John. But he never thought she looked at him like anything more than a brother. But Polly knew and Tommy too, so when John asks them about Lizzie in front of you. They all tell him he’s blind to not see how reader loves him and his kids. She is really sad cause she thinks he’s going through with the wedding to Lizzie but when he gets home that night and she’s watching the kids he finally talks to her and asks her how she really feels. Like he would see her in such a loving way he couldn’t even consider she’d ever want a man like him. A real cute ending would be lovely

John Shelby- Tell Me The Truth Pt1

I just realised writing this how similar to my last request this one is so this time I’ve used actual dialogue from the season 1. Might make this one into a little series. Hope you enjoy.

Also trigger warnings- swearing, talking about vomit, violence, the usual peaky blinders stuff.

“Oh for fucks sake” YN groans as a man vomits at the bar “I gotta clean that up now, fucking twat go ‘ome to ya wife”

“Why d’ya think I’m ‘ere love” the chap wipes the vomit from his mouth making YN shudder a little. Rolling her eyes YN goes to get her mop and bucket while she leaves Freddie and Tommy to talk, although knowing it may end up in someone getting hurt

“Hi YN” Finn, the youngest Shelby sibling says smiling at her

“Hey Finn, why aren’t ya at school” the boy shrugs his shoulders

“Borin’”

“It may be borin’ but do ya wanna end up like ya brothers? an alcoholic, an other a deceiver, another married at 17 because he fucked some poor girl. Get yourself some juice then head back to school”

“Fine” the boy whines but does as he’s told, well kind off. YN doesn’t need to know that he’s took the juice and headed off home.

Walking back to the bar with a mop and bucket and some other cleaning supplies, she now sees Tommy and Freddie holding Danny up. Glass and chairs thrown everywhere

“Oh hell did I do it again?” he asks

“You did it again Danny”

“Miss YN I’m so sorry” Danny cries

“It’s ok Danny” YN says sympathising with him. She knows better than anyone how the war has changed so many people and families. She worked as a nurse to help the injured soldiers. Combat Fatigue, or shell shock is what they called it when men would return home, but they weren’t themselves. Unfortunately Danny, once a sweet caring man, now has moments where he forgets where he is. Just a noise could set him off. Knowing this YN knows that she shouldn’t be harsh on him. It’s not his fault

“Mr Shelby you have to do something about him”

“Damn right Harry. You pay the peaky blinders a lot of money for protection. Your the law around here now, aren’t ya Tommy?” Freddie say as Tommy takes a swig of whiskey

“And what would you suggest? Hm? Putting a bullet through his head? Kill an innocent man? Thought you would have done enough of that during the war”

“YN back to work” Harry says pointing at the girl

“Sorry ‘man’s business’ right? that’s a load of fucking bollocks and you know that”

“Harry get YN to drop the bill off at the betting shop. We’ll take care of this” Tommy says putting his cap back on and walking out of the bar

“I don’t know why you’re still involved with that lot” Harry mutters grabbing a broom. YN shrugs

“Grew up with John boy didn’t I. They’re family”

“Yet the man you love married another. I’d leave them before they break you” with that Harry gets to sweeping the floor. What Harry said hurt YN, not the part about them breaking her, no. They wouldn’t do that, the Shelby’s all treat YN as family. The part that hurt YN was that John married Martha, YN’s best friend. Tommy always said it was only because he got her pregnant and wanted to do the right thing, but YN always wondered if he hadn’t of got Martha pregnant would he have ever married her? Would’ve he and YN had a chance? Well it’s to late now. John married Martha and now is a widower with 4 children who YN had help Polly deliver.

Later that evening YN walks home, having to pass Johns house where she can hear the chaos that is bath and bed time. Going against her better judgement, YN finds her feet making their way to Johns house and knocking on the door. A disheveled John answers the door

“Oh thank god your here. I don’t know how Martha did this everyday” sighing YN gives him a weak smile entering his house

“Just get a glass of whiskey for me for when we’re done”

#peaky blinders #peaky blinders reader #peaky blinders x reader #peaky blinders imagine #peaky blinder fanfic #peaky blinder imagine #john shelby #john shelby x wife #john shelby x y/n #john shelby x you #john shelby x oc #john shelby x reader #john shelby imagine

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peterparkouryo · 9 months

Text

consuming devotion | ੈ♡˳

prompt: You can't help but love Peter, even if he doesn't reciprocate your feelings

warnings: heavy angst, heartbreak, sweet sweet unrequited love and one sided pining (obv)

word count: 1.5k

"I'm left wondering why the stars align, but your heart doesn't seem to find a place for mine."

a/n: it’s sorta unfinished but not rlly? also who’s excited for rebound four?? ;) (edited: it’s unfinished but there’s like a sort of part 2 that’s connected and i’m working on it)

ੈ♡˳

There's something so beautiful, yet so so painful about being in love. On one hand, you have these intense emotions that are so heartwarming, joyful, happiness and you're content with being around the person you love. On the other hand, your mind is a battleground of emotions. You're plagued by self-doubt, wondering if you're good enough, if you're worthy of their love. You question whether they truly care for you, or if you're just imaging things. You're torn between revealing your feelings, or risking heartbreak.

That's the thing, you have felt every emotion of being in love that there is. The truth is, it sucks.

The distance between you and Peter feels like an insurmountable chasm. Time seems to drag on, and you always, always ache for his presence.

You know there's a mutual understanding that he only sees you as a friend, he has said it on multiple occasions, and thankfully you weren't stupid enough to actually admit to being hopelessly in love with the boy.

You're not entirely sure if he is aware of your affection for him, and you surely doubt that he is, considering its, well, Peter.

What you do know, that you are positively sure of, is that you've probably loved Peter for the better half of your life. There were countless times that proved it too, such as the movie nights, the boy offering to help you with your dreadful homework, walking you home after school, and pretty much anything else that made a vulnerable warmth settle in your heart.

After that realization, you became hyper-aware of every little detail about Peter - his likes, his dislikes hobbies and interests. You hung onto every word he ever said, dissecting his actions for hidden meanings. You started craving his attention and validation, yet you feared the vulnerability the came to revealing your true feelings.

You always had a mix of emotions all at once, sadness, frustration, and sometimes even jealousy. You alway questioned yourself, wondering what could possibly be wrong with you, why you weren't enough for him. It's a battle between your heart and mind, trying to rationalize your while your heart keeps yearning for the unattainable.

Peter's heart was truly pure gold, always thinking of others before himself, helping out whenever he could, he was perfect. And no matter what he did, you still loved him.

Even if he continuously rejected your feelings.

You both knew he wasn't exactly doing it on purpose, he's told you countless times that he only strictly saw you as a friend and nothing more, but like the stubborn person you were, you ignored those words and lived in this pathetic delusion that you'd actually have a chance with him.

Finding yourself caught in a constant cycle of hope and despair, wavering between moments of elation whenever he showed you kindness or affection, and moments of heart-wrenching despair when he seemed distant or unresponsive, which wasn't an uncommon thing. You always, despite already knowing where the boy stood, tried to decipher he feelings, to find hidden signs that he might just feel the same way, but the uncertainty gnaws at your sanity.

"Party, my place, tonight." A voice interrupts your quiet studying, the girl plopping her lunch tray down on the rectangular table quite harshly, the action gaining your morbid attention.

"I don't know, last time I went to one of your parties, I had to clean up after you." You point out, paying close attention to the way Liz's smiles slowly turns into a frown.

"Well, this party is different, and it's not like I made you do that." She argues, shaking her head with an eye roll.

Liz has been your best friend since you both could ride a bike. She's been your better half for as long as you can remember, knowing everything about you and vice versa. The transition from middle schoolers into high school was tough to say the least, puberty doing its job for her, and you....not so much. So it was not a shocking factor that the girl quickly became popular.

Yet, despite her social status, she always stuck to you like glue, and you couldn't be more thankful for that.

You give her a unsure glance, before turning back to your textbook.

"Peter'll be there."

You swear you thought you were subtle when your head practically snaps up at your friend's sentence, but given the way she snorts at your action, you highly doubt it and you clear your throat before you hurriedly look down at your textbook again.

"Okay." You shrug, picking up your pencil to vigorously erase a problem that was probably right or wrong, but you didn't care, your only goal was trying to pretend to seem nonchalant.

Truth be told, you do try to move on from Peter, but the love you feel is stubborn and persistent. It's a constant ache gnawing at your soul, a wound refusing to heal.

Liz tilts her head at your nonchalant response, not buying into your tone.

"Okay?" She repeats.

"Okay." You confirm, placing the pencil on the table, out of your anxious grasp.

Liz was well in the know of your one-sided affection for Peter. Always encouraging you to talk to him, entertaining the very thought of you two ever being a couple. Oh, how respectful she was toward you when she knew at one point during your high school years Peter harboured feelings for her. You don't know exactly what made the boy stop liking her, but you were glad in the end.

"Well, alright." The girl says carefully, picking at her food.

"You don't have to come, but it'd be great if you did." She states with a sweet smile, and you don't find it in yourself to retort it and only nod.

Liz mumbles a quiet bye, standing up with her lunch tray in hand, most likely going to hang out with her other more sociable friends, letting you be left alone with your thoughts.

Unfortunately, those thoughts last for a good five seconds.

"Just the girl I was looking for." You recognize the voice almost immediately, straightening your position to look more presentable.

Peter was effortlessly gorgeous, it was unfair, truly. It was almost like he was purposely taunting you with the knowledge of knowing you can't have him because he doesn't want you to.

He sets his belongings in the empty seat next to him, unzipping his backpack, grabbing a small piece of paper with a pencil, zipping the bag back up before sliding over the gathered materials in your reach.

You look in-between him and the objects in confusion.

"I need you to write me a letter." Peter says, quickly noticing your bewilderment.

"For?"

"My birthday."

"Your birthday's not till August?"

"Well, not my birthday, MJ's." Peter corrects with a small chuckle.

You nod slowly, sliding the objects closer to you, avoiding Peter's intent gaze.

"Isn't her birthday in like, June?" You quiz, writing your 'to' and 'from' as Peter shrugs from across you.

"Yeah, but I'm planning a surprise party that'll at least take a month considering its Michelle, and I know how much you love writing letters." The boy explains and your eyes go wide as you look at him, raising an offended eyebrow.

Of course, it was certainly no secret that many of your love confessions were most of the time in the form of letters, those of which he rejected, continuously, and it was a heartbreaking experience every time. But having the boy use the very thing you couldn't help but show your expression with, against you, hurt worse than any rejection (you're lying, obviously).

"You're so funny, I almost laughed." You deadpan, slamming the pencil down on the table, startling Peter slightly as you push the pencil and paper back to him.

You quickly gather your things, turning to leave the lunch room, though it was nowhere near over, ignoring the calls of your name from Peter.

One-sided love is a tortuous experience. It's such a devastating thing knowing that your love is nowhere near as close to be reciprocated. Always filled with such despair. A constant battle between your heart and reality, between your dreams and the harsh truth.

After your "storm out", Peter was quick to text you with a million apologies, which to all of those you hesitantly ignored, and it was a no good feeling, probably the hardest thing you ever had to do.

It wasn't like he had never joked about your feelings towards him. You think its better that way, but sometimes he could go a little too far and you never understood why you allowed him to continue with the humour you never found yourself to laugh at. It was almost like a coping mechanism, coming to terms with the whole ordeal in a way that wouldn't be so heartbreaking.

Maybe the reason Peter only did joke about it was to help you get over him because he can only ever see you as a friend, and he wanted you to see it as well.

#peter parker imagine #peter parker x reader #peter parker x you #peter parker x y/n #peter parker angst

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bonefall · 5 months

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post/734733274896809984/do-you-ever-worry-your-own-writing-might-come-off that makes sense. i was asking because i'm afraid of accidentally writing misogyny myself and i kind of admire what you do

Hmm... I wish I had better advice to give you on this front, but honestly, the only thing I can tell you is to consider the perspective of your female characters.

Women are people. They have thoughts and feelings of their own, so like... just let them have their own arcs. A lot of the worst misogyny in WC comes from the way that the writers just don't care about their girls (or, in the case of tall shadow, actually get undermined and forced to rewrite entire chapters), so they're not curious about their lives, or WHY they feel the way they do or what they want, or any direction for their character arcs.

Turtle Tail as an example. She'll often just end up feeling whatever Gray Wing's plot demands. She's gotta leave when Storm dumps him to make him feel lonely. She shows up again to love him in the next book. Lets her best friend Bumble get dragged back to Tom the Wifebeater, but is sad enough about her death to be "unreasonably angry" with Clear Sky, and then calms down and accept Gray Wing is right all along.

And then she dies, so he can have his very own fridge wife.

In this way, Turtle Tail's just being used to tell Gray Wing's story. They're not interested in why she would turn on Bumble, or god forbid any lingering negative feelings for how she didn't help her, or even resentment towards Clear Sky for killing her or Gray Wing for jumping to his defense. She isn't really going through her own character arc.

She does have personality traits of her own, don't misunderstand my criticism, but as a character she revolves around Gray Wing.

So, zoom out every now and then, and just ask yourself; "Whose story is being told by what I wrote? Do my female characters have goals, wants, and agency, or are they just supporting men? How do their choices impact the narrative?"

But that's already kinda assuming that you already have characters like Turtle Tail who DO have personalities and potential of their own. Here's some super simple and practical advice that helped me;

Tally the genders in your cast. How many are boys, how many are girls, how many are others?

And take stock of how many of those characters are just in the supporting cast, and compare that to the amount you have in the main cast.

If you have a significant imbalance, ESPECIALLY in the main cast, fire the Woman Beam.

It's a really simple trick to just write a male character, and then change its gender while keeping it the same. I promise women are really not fundamentally different from men lmao. You can consider how your in-universe gender roles affect them later, if you'd like, but when you're just starting to wean yourself off a "boy bias" this trick works like a charm.

Also you're not allowed to change the body type of any girl you Woman Beam because I said so. PLEASE allow your girls to have muscles, or be fat, or be old, or have lots of scars. Do NOT do what a cowardly Triple A studio does, where the women all have the same cute or sexy face and curvy body while they're standing next to dwarves, robots, and a gorilla.

Or this shit,

If you do this I will GET you. If you're ever possessed by the dark urge, you will see my face appear in the clouds like Mufasa himself to guide you away from the path of evil.

Anyway, you get better at just making characters girls to begin with as time goes on and you practice it. It's really not as big of a deal as your brain might think it is.

Take a legitimate interest in female characters and try not to disproportionately hit them with parental/romance plots as opposed to the male cast, and you'll be fine. Don't think of them as "SPECIAL WOMEN CHARACTERS" just make a character and then let her be a girl, occasionally checking your tally and doing some critical thinking about their use in the story.

(Also remember I'm not a professional or anything, I'm just trying to give advice)

#I wish I had more succinct and practical advice to give you besides the woman beam trick #Honestly I just kinda feel it out because I like telling stories about girls #I made it fun for myself by clapping and cheering and whooping and hollering whenever a girl does something #because it's not fun to write like a monk in a monastery #With the spectre of Brother Smockbimble looming over your shoulder telling you to Write Perfectly Every Time #Characters aren't real people. You can just fix it if you happen to fuck up or do better next time with what you learned.#Making mistakes is just part of acquiring skill #and writing is an art just like painting or drawing.#So don't make a fun OC project into homework! You should be enjoying making your own art! Express yourself!#Please understand that when I'm ripping into the series I'm being so harsh because it's bestselling corporate media #Read by HUNDREDS of thousands of kids worldwide #Raking in millions of dollars a year. Written by a TEAM of professionals.#So I have higher expectations of it than of a fandom rando on the internet. Or even a self-published author who's just One Guy.#Hence why I'm infinitely more charitable to Ratha than I am to Battle Cats #bones gives advice

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maxphilippa · 5 months

Text

Nickel and Balloon's arc and why you may be wrong about it, and why you are wrong about Suitcase and Nickel as well.

Nickel didn't trust Balloon because Balloon was a dick on s1 (something that the fandom forgets so fucking much), and of course he wouldn't trust Balloon being a part of the alliance either since Baseball (Nickel's best friend) and Suitcase (Nickel's ally/Baseball's closest friend) were part of it. "But Nickel didn't care about Suitcase-" he did, Adam himself did say he did care for her, but he strongly lacks emotional intelligence to truly get her. So of course, he didn't want to risk it, even if he does believe that Balloon wants to change, he doesn't want Suitcase to get involved with the guy.

Although Nickel doesn't want Balloon near and is an asshole towards the guy, I think that all of you kind of also forget that at one point on s2, Nickel did say that he thought that Balloon wanting to change was something good, but that he still didn't want to be associated with the guy. Which is, yes, shitty on his behalf, but it makes sense character wise. It's a case of "it's great that you want to be a better person, but i don't want to be near you even so", which is something most people felt at one point of their life.

Adding to this behaviour of his, again, it wasn't just because "Nickel is a dick without excuses", protecting his loved ones (his alliance) is. Kind of his whole thing. You know. He cares about them but sucks at showing it (this includes how he treated Baseball, looking at you all), he has the thought that if he's on control of a situation, no one will get hurt. He sucks at communication. Hell, it's even said on the series, he is afraid of change and also about accountability. ACCOUNTABILITY.

So yes, the way he treated Balloon isn't justified, even Nickel says it himself, but he has his reasons as to why he acted like that. But I think that you guys also need to remember some more important stuff as well. Nickel wasn't like this because he fully wanted to, but his behaviour towards Balloon was also constantly justified by Baseball.

And so here's the main question that troubles everybody so fucking much it's stupid.

"Why did Nickel change his mind on Balloon on s3 like that? It doesn't make sense"

Listen.

The reason as to why Nickel actually gave himself a chance to know Balloon properly is because of two very important factors. So I know that some of you might not be familiar with the official II comics, but the first reason is in one of the comics actually.

Especifically on the Letters Comic.

The plot of the comic is Balloon writing letters to those who he wronged/had a bad relationship with, and this includes pretty much all of the S1 cast (excluding the ones that are still on S2). And guess what, Nickel gets a letter as well.

There isn't a canon outcome as to what Nickel did with the letter. We don't know if he threw it away or took a look at it. But to me, I think that he did took a look at it. I will explain why later on in this post.

The second reason as to why Nickel's behaviour with Balloon changed on S3 was because, Baseball wasn't there to try to justify Nickel's hatred towards Balloon. In fact, what he got instead was Box, and we know that Box is like, Nickel's best friend on s3. What Box does is basically telling Nickel to get his shit together, stop holding onto stupid grudges and do it for the team.

And he does! And mind you, that was on the first episode of season 3! He decided to put away his petty feelings so the team could work, which pretty much already tells you that meanwhile early s3 Nickel has as much snark as S2 Nickel does, he actually recognizes when it's time to play on the game and when it's time to be petty. He's more of an nuisance towards Balloon on the first ep all things considered, but it seems that unlike S2, Balloon has grown a lot of confidence as well, and isn't sad at Nickel's comments, but rather calls him out on them. And even IF Nickel didn't exactly like to side with Balloon, as the eps went by, despite Box was the main reason as to why they were hanging out, Nickel was actually experiencing Balloon's change. He didn't want to be involved on s2 because BB told him that his distaste was justified (and that ended up messing everything for the Grand Alliance), but now he's "forced" to accept and know the guy because Box told him it was the best for the team. On early s3 they tease eachother, yes, but their relationship seems to be better than before.

As well, it wasn't out of nowhere either way, since Balloon does imply that both Nickel and him hanged around just to mess with Yinyang back at the Hotel.

That's my main reason as to why I think that Nickel DID read the letter in fact, but still had very complicated feelings towards Balloon, because in his mind, to him, Balloon was the reason as to why Suitcase, someone who Nickel really got attached to (even if you can't believe it), "betrayed" him. But we know that's not true. But at the end of the day they do end up hanging around well.

"But Max, why did they end up having a fall again? Aren't they supposed to be healthy?"

First of all there is a reason, second of all, oh my god conflict won't fucking kill you. You see. Nickel SUCKS at communication. He can't let out his feelings as much as he would like to do so, because he's scared of getting hurt and such. So yes, Nickel and Balloon were good friends there, but the down fall was necessary for them in order to ACTUALLY be a healthy friendship. The problem is that Nickel doesn't get that he fucked up a lot more than he thought and that he is the problem.

He still thinks that Suitcase left his side because of Balloon and of course that hurts- but he feels so bad about the way he treated Suitcase as well, even if he's not fully aware of why he feels like that. So that's why the conflict HAD to exist. You can't just expect them to be okay like nothing without talking about S2 properly, it doesn't work like that. Yes, they both care about eachother, but they STILL had to talk about it.

Now, on the yet, most controversial scene when it comes to Nickel's arc: Clover's therapy.

Some people say that Nickel didn't have to just be talked like that and that they expected more, but dare I say, that's exactly what he needed. To talk properly about his feelings. It's like you guys didn't catch up on that. Nickel's thing is being overprotective over those he loves, and seeing the things that might harm said loved ones or himself as threats that he needs to get rid off in order to be okay, and that he is afraid of change. Nickel knew he messed things up, but he still kept on thinking that Balloon was the one that made Suitcase betray him, when that's not really true.

He needed the talk to realize that it was truly his fault. Please take note at the way he looks to the side once he realizes it. It wasn't just a recent thought, it was always there, but he was scared of it coming true. Clover's talk made him open up properly about it and Clover also says it, "but don't you want to?" and then he says "mhm, maybe", but he really does want to, which is why he changes so much on Ep 16.

So before you say that Nickel didn't regret what he did and that he only did because of Clover: how can you be so wrong about something.

And, oh.

Oh, episode 16.

It treated them so well.

What Nickel says here is that he was scared of falling in Balloon's tricks, he was scared of being manipulated. Again. It wasn't out of nowhere. The way he treated Balloon WASN'T out of nowhere.

Is it justified? No. Does II or Nickel himself ever say that it is? No. The series as a whole is telling you that it was awful of him, characters do call out Nickel on his shit behaviour (even if you think they don't, they do, calling out isn't always strong words, sometimes calling out acts as feedback. as pointing things out. of course he also gets called out in the other way on the series, but PLEASE don't say that he didn't get called out because of his actions, he quite literally died because of them), Nickel HIMSELF recognizes that he was awful to Balloon and he is okay with the possibility of Balloon not wanting to forgive him either way.

But they ended up talking things out in the end. They ended up okay, because Balloon can genuinely see that Nickel wants to change. The walls he put are gone. He can see how genuine the guy wants to be.

"But Balloon shouldn't forgive Nickel, not after all the pain he caused to him"

Listen. Both of them commited mistakes. Balloon recognizes that he wasn't a good person back then and wanted to change things. Nickel finally got that and Nickel also showed Balloon that he does mean well. People that had complicated relationships CAN work things out, crazy I know, and I'm saying this as someone who had beef with their now best friend over similar stuff. We apologized and now we're close. It happens.

Balloon really cares about Nickel. And Nickel really cares about Balloon.

And Nickel is okay with Balloon winning because that's his friend now. Nickel changed for the good. And it makes sese character wise.

Nickel regrets what he did to Suitcase and Balloon as a whole. And Balloon and him are best friends now.

So, no, Balloon and Nickel aren't a toxic relationship, much less a problematic ship given all of the circumnstances, and saying that they are is missing on the whole arc they went through. They were complicated and they both had their reasons at the end of the day. No, Nickel wasn't purposefully an asshole to Suitcase, he was seeking to protect her, but ruined everything on the process. Yes, Baseball and Nickel needed to be separated in order to grow because they weren't healthy to eachother. Yes, the Nickel and Balloon arc had to go as long as it did in order for it to end properly, and it's not even done yet, Baseball and Suitcase are still waiting. Yes, Nickel meant good with the things he did. No, it doesn't justify any of the things he did. And, finally, the Grand Alliance arc is well executed, just because it's complicated it doesn't mean it's bad.

And those are statements that can coexist.

Thank you for reading. :]

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