#but i don’t think i can emotionally handle that at this exact moment in my life so i’d appreciate a heads up so i can decide

[psqqa]

okay i am outright asking for spoilers here: is this will byers kid like permadead or whatever the equivalent would be for whatever brand of sci-fi horror shit is going on here?

#stranger things #i’m not saying that’s a dealbreaker for this show overall #but i don’t think i can emotionally handle that at this exact moment in my life so i’d appreciate a heads up so i can decide #whethere to brave the rest of this season or not #‘dude have you been living under a rock how do you not know this?’ #no i’ve been living here on tumblr and my guys all you have shown me of this show is gifs of steve fucking harrington #this one’s on you

[torturedblue]

Part 2 of endless Disaster Twin parallels, the not so fun version

Part 1, the fun version

Considering the series shows Donnie coming off as autistic, he’s portrayed that way much more in fan art and fanfics, etc. We often see it in fan portrayals through an aversion to touch or his senses getting overwhelmed, etc. In the show I noticed Leo actually has a consistent aversion to anything with a gross texture too: like in the first episode when they’re all sliding down Draxum’s vines and he’s tripping over himself, the only one bothered by them “I hate this!”

He also starts flailing in a panic after a worm jumps on his face (and do I even need to bring up how the texture of worms ain’t all that enjoyable let alone on your face), recoils when that evil Hidden City massage guy pours hair serum all over his head, and he’s the most visibly repulsed when Raph gets trash all over them in the beginning of Battle Nexus: New York. So on multiple occasions he comes off as pretty texture or germ averse as well

Both also have insecurity issues about their role to the team: “If mystics can do everything I can but better then why would you guys even need me?” “I’m nothing without them!”

Ironically, in Many Unhappy Returns, Splinter thinks Leo doesn’t know what he’s doing and isn’t taking the mission seriously, saying he should’ve brought Purple. But in the same episode during fights with Shredder Donnie’s seen texting on his phone half of the time. Which is also very parallel to Leo making quips in the beginning instead of helping fight like Donnie and the others

In that same fashion, Donnie’s also goofiest when everyone’s acting serious in Insane in the Mama Train, while Leo’s the unserious one in the following episodes. Another role reversal from their norm

The show also portrays these two as feeling the most affected by Splinter’s history of emotionally distant parenting. Donnie constantly talks about his unmet need for parent-aged-adult approval/validation, and Leo shows his struggle in a more Leo-like way, constantly finding father figure connections in other people like Jupiter Jim and The Dunk. He also rejects/roasts Splinter a lot too, which seems more like a form of overcompensation; acting like he doesn’t totally need or crave Splinter’s attention. The exact opposite of Donnie’s methods. “No! I’m not going back to what’s-his-rat.”

“He’s my all-time favorite actor/role model/father figure!”

“That eccentric billionaire, who was kind of a surrogate father figure to me, has shown me a version of myself I don’t like.”

Leo acts like he doesn’t pine for his affection. I’m sure he sees the way Donnie openly, desperately goes after it when it’s offered and then gets crushed even harder with disappointment (ahem Turtle-dega Nights). No way Leo’s opening himself up to that. I mean come on how sad is the moment when Splinter says they should do something together and Mikey is so eager to jump on the opportunity before it gets taken away, only for Donnie to have to pull him aside and remind him it’s usually some kind of trick or he’s likely possessed? Just for Mikey to immediately respond, “You’re right, I always fall for this!” Ouch. Honestly considering Mikey’s empathy and emotional maturity in mind, the reason both he and Raph seem to handle Splinter’s lack of attention so well is probably also because in addition Raph became a second parent himself, and taking on that role like Splinter, he knows from his own experience that even though their dad doesn’t show it in the ways they wish he would, of course he loves them and what he does do to take care of them as a parent proves that

I think the parallels and direct contrasts between how Leo and Donnie show their dissatisfaction in their relationship with Splinter is probably the most developed and interesting one to me 💔

I mean Leo’s the only one who would actually say something like this to Splinter and you can’t tell me there’s not some deep-seated resentment in the way he looks and the way he says it…

So yeah. There’s the sad edition of Disaster Twins parallels. Let’s all cry together 😃

#disaster twins #rottmnt disaster twins #rottmnt leo #rottmnt donnie #leo and donnie #rottmnt character analysis #these poor boys

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

this happened a while ago but i still feel conflicted about it. (tw: mention of germophobia, mention of suicidal thoughts) and this might get very long, so sry about that.

am i (18, F) the asshole for not wanting to try on shoes?

i know that this must sound super weird, but basically i have a pretty extreme phobia of germs and my dad (60s, M) took me spontaneously to a shoe store to buy new shoes.

now i’m also autistic, so this spontaneous change of plans was already pretty stressful for me, but i tried to hide that and pretended to be okay with that.

the thing is that i had only one “clean” pair of shoes (like clean on the inside, not the outside obviously) and like those got dirty/muddy when i was on a walk with a friend and it rained really extremely. the evening after that, i spent like an hour trying to get those shoes clean again bc otherwise i don’t know if i could’ve forced myself to ever wear them again. i did everything i could and even sanitized them like 5 times (i know it’s excessive but it still didn’t feel like it was enough). i can make myself wear them again now but it takes a bit of (internal convincing everytime and like even if i only had them on for a few moments, i change my socks and shower afterwards everytime because i just can’t handle it otherwise.

and basically my dad doesn’t really understand my mental health because i’m not good at explaining it (when i talk about this irl i always end up in tears, no matter how hard i try to suppress that and then i end up feeling bad for crying and then i spiral), but he still noticed my discomfort with my current show situation. that’s why he wanted to buy me new shoes, and rationally speaking, i was very grateful and thought it was a good idea. but emotionally, i was very distraught from the change in routine and i knew that this store was very small and that it’s basically guaranteed that all of the shoes there have already been tried on by someone.

i know that’s technically normal and not a big deal, but it’s honestly really disgusting to me and i don’t want to try on shoes that anyone else has ever worn (and especially not if i don’t know who wore them or when or how clean those people’s feet were). i knew my dad wouldn’t understand that reasoning, so i tried to just say that i don’t like the shoe brands that store has or that i want a different type of shoe or that i don’t like the design etc etc.

and then we came across the exact type of shoe i was already wearing but in black (mine were like dark purple) and my dad was like “great, you like black and you already like the brand and that specific model!” and i obviously had no excuse anymore for why i didn’t like that one. so i just admitted my actual reasoning for saying no to that and all the others.

my dad ended up opening every shoe box and i was right that all of them (in my size) had already been tried on. i really wanted to just force myself to look past that and try one on anyway, but i just couldn’t make myself do it.

i was on the verge of a panic attack tbh (i get those a lot from this phobia), but i managed to kinda keep it in check. my dad and i ended up leaving the store but i could tell that he was really annoyed and so i apologized but that seemed to only annoy him even more.

the car ride home was at first pretty awkward, then it developed into an argument where i tried to explain my phobia but i think i only made it worse on accident bc of the emotions and then we were just kinda silent at each other for the rest, until he tried to make some small talk and i fucked up (because i can’t control the tone of my voice very well due to my autism and i was still emotionally messed up), so then he got a bit passive aggressive again.

when we arrived at home, i hid in the living room (no one really ever goes there currently) and had a bit of a meltdown. i was really spiraling- like suicidal thoughts and googling for a painless suicide method because i felt like such a pathetic disappointment and failure of a daughter and human being. eventually after like half an hour, my mom came looking for me and found me sitting there, sobbing in the corner. she asked what happened and bc i felt really ashamed i didn’t want to tell her, so i said i’d explain later.

i wasn’t really able to stop crying completely that whole rest of the day. like i got some moments where i was outwardly calm, but on the inside, i wasn’t able to really calm down at all until the next day. usually my mom is pretty understanding of my phobia but not of me crying, so i was very surprised when she completely took my side after she heard what happened from my dad’s perspective.

by the time, i had stopped “hiding” in the living room, my dad had already fully calmed down as if nothing happened, but i still felt (and still feel) really bad about it, because i know he only had good intentions and i messed it up completely. my mom told me that he had offered that i could just look up some shoes online and he’d order them for me instead of going to an in-person store for that again, but i’m not sure if that was really his idea bc it sounds more like something my mom would propose. i do like that idea, but because i’m not sure if it was actually his idea, i haven’t said anything to him about it. i just feel really bad that my parents didn’t get a normal daughter, because i feel like my mental illness makes everything harder than it has to be and they don’t deserve that, but i don’t know what to do (therapy is unfortunately not an option currently).

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole #suicide cw

[thepanicsquid]

How Unmanaged ADHD Almost Killed Half the Universe: A Peter Quill Character Analysis

First, a disclaimer: I'm not a professional anything. I genuinely don’t even know how to use Tumblr but I needed somewhere to get weird about my hyperfixations where the normies can’t see. 😅 I can't diagnose anyone with anything, and I'm not saying that Peter Quill was written as an intentional representation of ADHD. I am just a person who was diagnosed in adulthood with ADHD who loves and relates to Peter Quill. This is just my interpretation of him through the lens of my own experiences. Also, this is (hyper)focused on the MCU version of the character.

Impulsivity, Risk Taking, and Emotional Dysregulation

Ok, so this is the big one. We know that Peter has massive impulsivity issues. This is how to works in an ADHD brain (from additudemag.com): "The thalamus area of the brain controls response inhibition. It works like a gate — sending signals to allow or stop behaviors. When the brain detects a red flag, its limbic-hippocampal connections relay a warning from the thalamus to the frontal cortex. That’s the control center of the brain that handles emotional expression and problem solving. In ADHD brains, the thalamus gate is broken." So let's look at some examples by movie.

Vol. 1

He goes back for his walkman when it's been stolen from him at the Kyln, even though they're currently breaking out of a high security prison because of an impulsive, emotional reaction. He also gives Gamora his mask when she's floating out in space, with the hope that calling Yondu will also save him (impulsivity involves a lack of foresight). His bragging about how selfless it was afterwards to Gamora came across as arrogant, but it was probably also him realizing himself that things could have gone very differently because people with ADHD don't tend to think ahead. Finally, he banks on his 12% of a plan being enough to defeat Ronin. Peter thinks ahead *just* enough but struggles to see things through to completion. And then at the end he just does the first things he can think to do - a dance off and then grabbing the same stone that he had just watched tear a woman apart.

Vol. 2

When he learns that Ego killed his mother, his anger completely overtakes him and he shoots his father immediately, once again reacting emotionally and impulsively.

Infinity War

This is the one that hurts, because it shows how devastating unmanaged ADHD symptoms can be. When he learns that Thanos killed Gamora, he literally can't control his emotions because his brain doesn't work that way and he's never had the tools to manage it, and he impulsively beats Thanos without any thought for the consequences. It always broke my heart to see him villainized for this because I knew it would be my exact reaction in his shoes. Peter always acts from his heart, for better or worse, and in that moment, his pain overwhelmed any logical thought. As an aside, I've found that this is one of the hardest parts of being late-diagnosed. You look back on all the times where you can't quite explain rationally why you did the thing you did and start to understand why and there’s a whole lot of shame involved in it (more on shame later!)

Vol. 3

"Kill them all" Peter spends an entire scene telling Drax they're not going to kill anyone, because that's who Peter Quill is. He's compassionate and empathetic, but once he gets angry, once he's hurt, all that goes out the window. Literally! He grabs Theel and jumps out of the window towards a dying planet! People with ADHD tend to have low frustration tolerance, impatience, a hot temper, and excitability. So, in addition to jumping into an exploding planet...

Forgetfulness, Music, and Dopamine Hunting

Because the reward center doesn't produce enough dopamine in the ADHD brain, boring tasks like cleaning are painful. Our brains don't give us any sort of satisfaction for doing it, so there's very little motivation to do it. The Milano is a mess, of course it is! Cleaning isn't interesting or rewarding and even if we want to live in a clean environment, we're constantly at war with our own brain over having to make it that way. When he gets back from Morag, he's forgotten Bereet's even THERE. People with ADHD struggle with their working memory, meaning that if a thing isn't right in front of them, they tend to forget about it. We also know that Quill's a bit of a womanizer, and that impulsive, pleasure seeking behavior is one of the ways that people with ADHD try to up their dopamine levels. People with ADHD tend to have issues with alcohol and drug abuse as well, since they stimulate the pleasure center of the brain, and we know that Peter uses alcohol heavily to cope after losing Gamora.

Speaking of the pleasure center of the brain, music triggers it, and we know my guy cannot do anything without music on. And for most of his life it was the SAME 12 SONGS (hyperfixation?). Not only that, but familiar music (or tv shows, or movies) can provide a sort of white noise that let's people with ADHD focus better. Peter loves music because it reminds him of his mom, sure, but also because it helps him get shit done because otherwise his thoughts would be all over the place in silence. Plus dancing is a great way to stim and get that extra energy out.

Masking, Rejection and Identity

People with ADHD also often deal with Rejection Sensitivity Disorder, where they are extra sensitive to real or imagined rejection. We don't see *too* much of this, but there are hints of it. Like his interpretation of the night his mother died. His grandfather carried him out of the room to protect him, but he interpreted it as getting thrown out. He took Yondu's joking about wanting to eat him literally. He panics at the idea that Gamora might be rejecting him for Thor (who is, as everyone points out to him, the real version of the person he pretends to be). He also can't accept the Other Gamora's rejection of him. Part of the way he protects himself is by creating a persona that can handle rejection.

Masking is more commonly associated with ASD than ADHD, but people with ADHD can still mask to try to hide their ADHD symptoms. And truthfully, if you're a human kid trying to survive around a bunch of aliens, the only hope you've got is to try to fit in anyway. Peter's entire persona is what he *thinks* a cool space pirate should be like. He creates this Star-lord persona based on his heros growing up. But where Han Solo is genuine in his confidence and swagger, with Quill, it's an act. He's a sensitive, emotional kid that had to develop this mask to survive being raised by the Ravagers. It crumbles when he meets Thor and sees himself next to the sort of person he's trying to be and just how insecure Peter is. And we see over and over again that he's most successful when he lets the mask drop and leads with empathy and compassion. Every single Guardian started as his enemy, but Peter, unlike Han, doesn't shoot first. At his core, he is still that little boy who got into a fight with the other kids for killing an innocent frog. A lot of people with ADHD feel stuck in arrested development and Peter Quill is still a kid playing pretend in a lot of ways.

I think Quill is a much more layered and interesting character than people tend to give him credit for because he masks TOO well. People look at him and see a boring white dude. Handsome and confident just like all of the other MCU leading men...but it's because that's what he wants you to see. Because if you saw what a mess he was underneath all of that you'd understand why his family are these other neurodivergent weirdos. He might be pretending to be "Star-lord", but there's a reason his best friends are Rocket and Drax.



I think the heartbreak of Vol. 3 is that he had started to figure out who he was with Gamora because she grounded him but he wound up tying too much of that progress to her. He can't go back to the person he was (Legendary Outlaw Star-lord) because that was never truly him, and facing the world without that safety net is too hard. So he chases the dopamine. He drinks, he tries to convince the other Gamora to be with him, he even briefly turns to Nebula, because he's never really had to face himself. Mantis says that Drax is the only one of the Guardians who doesn't hate himself, and in spite of his outward confidence, I think that includes Peter. Peter loves the Outlaw Star-lord persona, he loves the Guardian Star-lord he became with Gamora, but deep down, he's sensitive and driven by emotions he can't control and he's ashamed of that. Remember, he was raised by Yondu who constantly derided him for his sentimentality and he was blamed for the Blip because of an emotional reaction he didn't have the tools to control. The qualities that helped him create a family out of a group of criminals are the same ones that cause him to screw up and cause him shame. Which is pretty much what having ADHD can feel like.

So there is is! I'm sure I've missed stuff and some of this is just character analysis regardless of ADHD, but there it is. Also, definitely check out @peter-quill-is-so-fine ‘s breakdown of Quill's report card that inspired all this for further evidence.

#gotg #guardians of the galaxy #peter quill #chris pratt #star lord

[smoll-tangerine]

ten reasons why i hate you: reason #2

SYNOPSIS. while you admittedly didn’t refuse the arranged marriage between you and jung jaehyun, that didn’t mean that you’d allow him to treat you like a doormat. for the emotional distress he had put you through during the months leading up to your engagement party, you ensure that he will pay for the way he had been treating you for the rest of his life. 

PAIRING. rich boy!jaehyun x rich girl!reader  GENRES. angst, drama, rich kid!au  CHAPTER WORD COUNT. 1643 

WARNINGS. mentions of drinking, female!reader on a war path. 

DISCLAIMER. this is a work of fiction based on fictional events and characters. it is unrelated to any real people, organisations, locations, and events. the laws, and legal and medical interpretations in this work have also been modified for storytelling purposes.

[a/n]: thanks everyone for their interest in my drabble (now titled reason #1)! thanks to that, i decided to make this into a small series comprised of 10 short chapters, hopefully all under 2k words. do note that there will be little to no romance for this series. i’ve always wanted to write a story from the “antagonist” pov, so here’s my first attempt at it! 

← REASON #1 || MASTERLIST || REASON #3 → 

REASON #2

The engagement party was a drag and it took a toll on you emotionally. 

While you barely remembered what exactly went down as you drank more than you could handle, you distinctively remembered that you somehow came out with a goal from that party. 

And that goal was to make Jaehyun’s life a living hell. 

Despite the engagement, there was still nothing concrete about it. 

Your family had a verbal agreement with Jaehyun’s, but that wasn’t enough for you to actually proceed with the marriage. 

So, a few days after the engagement party, you invited him and his family to discuss what your marriage entailed. Your family got the gist that Jaehyun didn’t want to marry you, but they didn’t know the exact reason for it. 

Luckily for the Jungs, you spared your parents the details and told them that you’d handle it yourself this time, to which they thankfully didn’t object.

Af if God knew of your plans, the restaurant Jaehyun’s parents picked was the one where his girlfriend worked. You didn’t know if that was karma working for or against you. Nonetheless, even if you weren’t the one who picked it, it wouldn’t change Jaehyun’s opinion of you, so who cares?

“Let me tell you how Mr. Jung and I are so ecstatic of your engagement to our son!” Jaehyun’s mother gushed to you as his girlfriend was serving red wine to everyone at the table.

You ignored Jaehyun and his girlfriend the whole time and pretended that they weren’t there. In any case, you didn’t need to look at him to know where he was or how he felt about the situation; the smoke coming out of his ears were enough.

“I’m afraid that this dinner isn’t what you think, Mrs. Jung,” you replied as you motioned your family butler to hand you your briefcase.

“Please, we’re about to become a family, call me–”

You slid a few papers onto the table. “This is the prenup that my family lawyers drew up,” you cut her off and then took a sip of the red wine.

You grimaced at how gross it tasted and motioned Jaehyun’s girlfriend—what was her name again, Chaeyoung?—with a flick of your wrist. “Get me a bottle of Château d’Yquem.”

You didn’t fail to notice the flash of annoyance in her eyes. You relished this moment even more, as sadistic as it sounds.

“A prenup…?” the older lady then said, shocked. “I- I don’t understand.”

The look on the three of their faces were worth the effort. Mr. Jung looked fuming, his wife evidently devastated, and Jaehyun looked like he was going to burn a hole through your skull by the way he was glaring at you.

“Well, you honestly can’t expect me to marry your son when he, well,” you glanced at Chaeyoung subtly as she poured your wine with a frown, “comes with quite a baggage.”

“I can assure you that my son has cut all ties with that girlfriend of his,” Jaehyun’s father gruffly stated.

You almost snorted into your wine glass. How shameless of them to force their son into an arranged marriage with a complete stranger when they knew that he had a girlfriend? And you wondered if they knew whether that that girlfriend of his was the one serving them right now. If that were the case, you had to ponder whether this was a deliberate move on their part or not to bring you to this specific restaurant.

“Oh, and the prenup isn’t the only thing,” you continued. “There are more things for him to agree to.” You gave them a half-smile. “You know, just to protect myself from future liabilities.”

Along with the prenup were a list of conditions that they had to agree to, if they wanted this marriage to move forward. Your demands were pretty ridiculous, but not ridiculous enough that they would straight-up reject them. You weren’t dumb, you knew there was more to this marriage than the two families wanting to join together.

Your mother was a famous socialite while your father’s side of the family owned a couple of private hospitals, known for providing the best healthcare in the country. Jaehyun’s family, on the other hand, was known for being in the pharmaceutical industry. A partnership between the hospital line and a pharmaceutical line would certainly be beneficial, especially for the Jungs.

Not to mention how your family’s net worth was around $1 billion, and Jaehyun’s was worth half of yours—in the $500 million, last you checked. While they certainly had a lot money of their own, it wouldn’t hurt to protect yourself and well, to also hurt Jaehyun’s pride in the process. Two birds, one stone.

It was only too bad Jaehyun was such a dick to you.

“If Jaehyun was caught in a cheating scandal, the settlement our family will have to pay–” his mother scanned the document and screeched. “This is ridiculous! How dare you ask us–”

“Well, of course, the same applies to me,” you reassured her nonchalantly. “If anything, I don’t care if he has mistresses on the side—as long as he doesn’t get caught by the media and drags my reputation to the ground. I’m afraid that’s going to be a little bit hard to get back to. Cheating scandals are fine and all since we can always refute them, but oh, if he gets someone else pregnant,” you tipped your wine glass to them, “that will certainly be a problem.”

A moment of silence as the parents looked at each other, not even considering Jaehyun’s opinion or feelings at all. While the two elders were busy whispering amongst themselves, you smirked at Jaehyun, happy with the development of things.

“Oh, and of course, if Jaehyun signs this agreement,” you said and pulled out another document from your briefcase and slid it over. “Then, here’s the partnership agreement you’ve previously spoke about with my parents. And I can assure you that the terms are much better than the ones you previously set with my parents. My father’s and grandfather’s signatures and seals are, of course, already on it. Feel free to send it to your lawyers to authenticate everything.”

Of course, you ensured that your family wasn’t on the losing side of the partnership, but you also had to make sure that your offer was enticing enough for them to sign it. And surely enough, they gobbled it up.

“Get me a pen and my seal stamp,” Mr. Jung quickly conceded.

“Father–”

“You shut your mouth!” he shouted at Jaehyun, surprising even you. “You almost ruined our family with that little girlfriend of yours, you will not disobey my orders! You will sign this agreement or I will cut you off completely!”

Jaehyun looked furious as ever. His hand trembled as he signed his name on the prenup and then stamped it with his seal, his girlfriend witnessing the whole process.

You swore that you were going to make his life a living hell, and you were going to keep your word.

“Lovely doing business with you,” you said with a sickeningly sweet smile and shook all of their hands. “I look forward to see what this partnership will bring.”

“It’s only too bad that you’re a doctor,” Mr. Jung replied. “You would have made an amazing businesswoman.”

You smiled politely. “You flatter me too much.”

Jaehyun’s parents finally left and you two were alone in the private room. Your fiancé sighed and ran a frustrated hand through his hair.

“Are you happy now?” he asked with a sneer. “Are you staying here longer to torture me further and gloat?”

You scoffed and sipped at your drink. “Nonsense. I’m also staying because of how expensive this glass of wine costs.”

He rolled his eyes. “A glass of a 1997 Château D’Yquem only costs $1000—you make that every second. Not to mention, my family picked up the tab.”

“Of course they did,” you said with a small snort. “As if they’re going to make their future daughter-in-law pay for dinner.”

“You’re the one who invited us.”

“And rightfully so,” you snapped back.

You could tell that Jaehyun was surprised with your attitude, so different from usual. In a way, it was true yet untrue at the same time. You’ve always been know to be a force to be reckoned with, one to never back down from a fight. Yet somehow a man like Jaehyun was able to knock you off your horse for the past couple of months so it was high time for you to get back on it.

“I said I was going to make you suffer for the rest of your life,” you said as you got up from your seat, and threw your serviette onto the table. “I’m simply holding my word. As you can see, I’m not one to go back on it.”

You walked away from him and Chaeyoung, who had been as silent as ever for the whole duration of the dinner. You even stopped next to her and pulled out a few hundreds before shoving them into the little pocket of her vest.

“Sorry for the trouble,” you told her with a fake smile.

You made sure that your back faced them as you left the restaurant, your heels clacking loudly against the floor. After months of torture, you finally started enacting your revenge.

But this wasn’t nearly enough for you. This was nothing compared to the months of hatred and spite he held against you during the months leading up to your engagement.

Jaehyun hadn’t even a full taste of your fury yet. It was your turn to knock him down his high horse. And you looked forward to the day he will be on his knees, begging you for mercy. 

← REASON #1 || MASTERLIST || REASON #3 →

#neowritingsnet #cznnet #jaehyun #jaehyun x reader #jaehyun romance #jaehyun angst #jaehyun scenarios #nct x reader #nct 127 x reader #jaehyun oneshot #nct 127 scenarios #w: ten reasons why i hate you

[ambelle]

I’ll be honest that I wanted DK as a couple for a whole season but I didn’t expect that because they are so unorthodox. I figured they’d be in a lot of scenes together and we would see them figure out they act married anyway. So I agree I wanted a full season of them. What I don’t agree with is discounting all romantic moments that don’t involve kissing and sex. That’s part of love but it’s not the whole thing. Frankly it the ONLY thing missing from their relationship.

Hi anon I definitely feel you!

I think people misinterpret my feelings because I just became frustrated with accusations about who I am as a person and how I basically support racist writing because I enjoy Dickkory’s writing. I think they are so kind and understanding of each other and I find couples that emotionally support each other so refreshing. They always have each others back.

My stance is that I love their relationship I just wanted to see more of it in season 2&3. It’s not that I think the show is flaw free. However…this season I can’t complain. I’ve been loving them and how much time they’ve spent together confusing Jinx and a whole town into assuming they were an item.

But also Brenton literally told us at NYCC that they confess at the very end of the season. So like… we knew??? And secondly we’ve gotten way more of them than we ever have and that includes season 1. But unlike season 1 Dick is openly affectionate and Kory is the focus of all his attention. Not daddy issues, not Rachel cause she can handle herself now , but Kory. Because he’s so afraid of losing her and so deeply in love.

Dick’s entire character arc in part 2 is about keeping Kory safe and confessing his feelings. Episode 4x08 wasn’t a useless throw away episode just because they didn’t have sex or kiss. They realized they both are in love. So we did get a full season of Dickkory- it was just a season of them realizing they belong together Vs them being an official couple (but having the exact same mission focused scenes because they don’t have time for Olive Garden with May running around.)

Season 1 when you look back at the fans commentary people said they were rushed, they were insulted by DickDawn being married, they were mad DK fizzled out so quickly. All valid complaints but also things people are pretending they didn’t say because they are laser focused on season 1 having a love scene and that being the most important thing. Just like they are pretending they didn’t say they wanted Kory to give Dick the cold shoulder this season. THANK GOD the writers didn’t waste time on her being mad at Dick for dating Babs when he was single lolz?

Anyway I decided to officially stop taking people seriously when they called 4x08 crumbs because that’s just ridiculous. And people who found this episode beautiful and romantic aren’t enablers of racist writing.

Such an outrageous and disgusting thing to claim LOL!

#anonymous #dickkory #one more ep folks

[piss3dm3nk3n]

My thoughts are jumbled and all over the place but honestly i just wanted to rant abt the new ep bc OMG! 

newest ep of Rick and Morty was literally (almost) what i predicted. Like, I didn’t say it on Tumblr and I’m mad I don’t have record of this but the idea of Rick being faced with the choice of saving a life or leaving was literally in my mental notes of things rnm should do. Like the character development!!! And the fucking idea that Rick probably saw HIMSELF in Piss Master; like people calling him a shitty dude, the suicide scene and his face after reading the letter (Just like the fucking Unity episode!!! Before he tries to take his own life FUCK omggg). AND PISS MASTERS DAUGHTER!!! How Rick was probably thinking of Beth in that moment and how he himself tried to commit in his own daughters house (the father / daughter relationships in this show man, fuuuck), MAN that was a crazy scene. I remember watching the Unity episode going ‘damn’ and seeing the newer episodes of rnm still provoking that exact same feeling from me is insane writing. Man was going through it.

The way the writers handled the whole suicide thing was so well done as well, like it’s a comedy and in the past a lot of comedies find it hard to tackle serious topics but rnm does this stuff perfectly! The Piss Master thing for example, Mr Jellybean even Planetina and the Morty and Beth afterwards ectect. 

Analyse piss was honest to god, such a good episode! god, is was so heart wrenching I loved it!! The character development, not just from Rick but from Morty near the end of the ep. Like he doesn’t deal with Rick bs anymore, if he’s uncomfortable with smth he’ll speak up now. AND Jerry too! man actually stood up for his daughter! like he went from leaving Beth to fend for herself against a random homeless man to fighting a man who controls piss for his daughter!!! LOVE!!! 

And I love how the ending is bittersweet! there’s still so much for the family to get through to actually be a healthy functioning family. Like Rick needs a friend, like now! Because he really can’t just trauma dump on Morty like that. But even then I can understand why he did and it makes me feel even more ARUGH! Like let Rick have Birdperson again, or like that guy from the toilet ep, or have Dr Wong in more episodes!!! Like he really should have gone to Dr Wong bc the whole Piss Master thing was clearly bugging him. 

AND OFC DR WONG!!! I LOVE her character, the way she is able to have Rick listen to her just like that! She’s so intelligent and is practically the opposite to Rick in the way she is more smart emotionally rather than all that scifi shit. OMG and Rick falling for her bait where she eggs him on to try and ‘prove her wrong’ (THE INDIRECT THERAPY AHHH! When he realises she was right and that he ended up getting everything he asked for = therapy is good omgggg). I loved how the episode wasn’t just Rick sitting in her office going through his bullshit. Rick dealing with his issues through a more indirect way is def in character for him and more realistic for the show. I really hope we see Wong more in future episodes cause she is just mauw! I just love the way therapy is treated as a great thing in this show, bc I know my own experience at first was daunting but in the end (like Rick) lot of people realise just how great talking to a therapist is.

Just overall, a great episode, great writing, funny, sad, a very satisfying ep to watch.  

#rick and morty #rick sanchez #morty smith #rnm #r&m #jerry smith #beth smith #summer smith #dr wong

[circulars-reasoning]

is it bad for us to have distinct alters/parts? every time i see people talk about getting better with DID i see them say it's bad to have distinct parts, but i feel like us being very different from one another has helped more. i wanna get better but i don't want to lose who i am. i don't think anything is wrong with who i am, but maybe i'm wrong. i'm sorry you can delete this ask if you want, i understand this is a lot to emotionally handle and that isn't your job to do, just didn't know who to turn to

Oh sweetie, not at all. ❤️

It’s commonly not really the goal of healing to become more distinct, but “more distinct” has a lot of definitions. I think what people mean by “more distinct” is usually “higher dissociative barriers.”

Our therapist has actually been working with us to be more distinct. He’s pushing Numb to get a hobby of his own, instead of just spending all his time trying to plan ahead for contingencies. He helps us rearrange the innerworld and make our rooms more individualized (I just added a couch to my room at the last therapy session!).

The thing is? This distinctness is actually helping me integrate. By making my self states more distinct - more individual and real - we’re becoming less distinct - less dissociative and confrontational. We don’t care anymore if me and Curtis both like the same exact songs, or if we all have to share the same clothing - because we’re all the same person.

We are not distinct individuals because we are all the same being. But we are distinct parts because we have emotions and trauma we all need to process - and by becoming more distinct, we’re integrating more, and blending more, and suddenly, it doesn’t matter if our voice sounds like Curtis or Debbie or Numb - suddenly it’s just. Our voice.

For a lot of individuals, seeking to become more distinct is unhealthy. For me it was too! When I first learned of my system, we tried to be very distinct and different from one another, and it hurt us a lot. The key is to find a healthy way to do this, a way that actually helps your system, rather than just feels good in the moment.

I hope this helps, anon. You aren’t alone.

#asks #anon #osdd #other specified dissociative disorder #did #dissociative identity disorder #osddid #cdd #complex dissociative disorder #dissociadvice #Vessel on a Calming Sea

[chidoroki]

182 Days of TPN - Day 43

Chapter 43: “81194”

I never really paid too much attention to the chapter titles until I started doing this, so naturally I was unaware one title was simply Ray’s farm identifier. Yeah I noticed the titles when I first read the manga and when new chapters released way back, but I obviously don’t remember any of them now! I have a hard enough time trying to remember the id’s of the other GF kids. (honestly, I dunno any of them aside from the fullscore trio and Isabella’s).

One of the big reasons why this scene feels so short in anime is, of course, the lack of internal dialogue. We even get a moment of hearing the pursuer’s thoughts later on too, as it tries to figure out if it cornered 16194 (Don) or 81194. Yet another loss because we don’t get to see how hard Ray is pushing his brain into overdrive trying to think of a way out of this mess.

The house didn’t have knives but it had a pair of scissors? Unless it’s also from the infirmary..? I know Krone mentioned the room had a scalpel (which the kids do still have as Ray used it to get water from the anemones two chapters ago) but I don’t remember anything about there being scissors anywhere. Eh, whatever.

My boy is so smart. With one less thing to worry about, he can now focus on his own survival. I love that cocky grin of his. He even seems proud that everyone else managed to stay safe so far.

Damn right you gotta to live! Your family needs you! Better yet, they truly want him in their lives as well! Aaahhh he’s so devoted to Emma & the others (as if he wasn’t for his entire life already) and I just love him so very much.

I am grateful that he was thinking ahead if the worst does happen, but the chances of any of the kids finding this small carved message on this exact tree is so darn slim. This forest is massive and they surely can’t waste any time backtracking with demons lurking.

Though Emma can still hear out of her left ear, we occasionally see her rely on her right a bit more, such as now when the kids react to the pursuer whistling to signal its allies. (She uses a similar method to both ears in ch100 and puts her right ear straight to the ground in ch67.)

Mhhhmm she believes in him so much aahh. Also, head pat! Though the anime changes Chris to Jemima here.

Her wound and all this anxiety certainly isn’t doing wonders for her health. Anndd yet another head pat. (I’m like..so tempted to make a whole post dedicated to all the head pats. maybe. eventually..if I remember.)

She was, indeed, not okay. And I know I shouldn’t be impressed that she lasted this long but.. I am. On top of all the blood loss and her whole body heating up, she’s been running for her damn life, while also keeping everyone else safe, and now she’s panicking that one of her best friends could potentially be captured and eaten.. that’s just a lot to handle at once. This girl has been suffering physically, mentally and emotionally for way longer than necessary.

Can’t deny the anime made the whole forest look real pretty though.

Favorite panel/moment:

When a moment is so good we get three variations of it! HELL YEAH! (goes without saying but the cover to volume 6 is one of my favorites).

End of volume 5.

#the promised neverland #tpn manga #182daysoftpn #chidoroki used chatter

[hayleysayshay]

Future Me killed Mako?! Gosh I'm glad I got bored of that video halfway in. Alot of the other stuff he suggests is good, but it doesn't feel like *Korra* anymore, yknow?

Yeah, look, I can talk about the legend of korra every day. It’s a flawed mess and I appreciate that Hello Future Me clearly loves the show. I think that he’s very good in handling the villain arcs and tying them into a tighter thematic story. But I agree, with his focus on plot I think he misses some heart, so then it starts to feel less like Korra.

But I don’t think he has much interest in Mako and Bolin and he just didn’t know what to really do with them. For me, The Legend of Korra would have been better with *more* Mako and Bolin, not less. In his Book 2 fix, we somehow have less Mako, Bolin and Asami friendship than we do than the show proper, so what friendship is there? At least Mako and Bolin regularly intersect with the plot in book 2. I think my de-emphasising Mako and Bolin and Asami’s interactions, I think he misses creating more heart for the show, even if I generally like the groundwork he lays out for Korrasami.

The thing with Mako is that I think Bryke created a tragic backstory that explains why he is the way he is in Book 1 and then didn’t explore it. HFM tones down the backstory but not making them street rats and having their mother killed by an equalist. This is more thematically linked to the plot, but once the equalist plot is done, Mako is still left in the exact same position as Book 1, without clear dirextion. Also during his Book 1 fix he says something along the lines of ‘Mako was angsty with no good reason’ when no, Mako has a lot of reasons to be jaded in the show. It’s a case of someone who’s emotionally stunted due to growing up too soon.

What I think is more interesting to emphasise with Mako is:

His slightly warped paternalistic nature. He raised Bolin far too young, is overprotective. He has this same attitude with Korra and Asami to an extent— he tries to fix Korra who blows up at him (unreasonably but there’s a reason it didn’t work), and Asami appreciated the protective element but to me it doesn’t read like love.

There is a ruthless element to Mako’s character that is never really explored and links back to the overprotective aspect. I’d like to see Mako’s darker tendencies explored.

All this is more interesting than tying Mako lore to the Book 1 conflict and then just having him be some guy who is there. Say what you want about the love triangle, it does reveal aspects to Mako and Korra that aren’t just related to villains. By removing that, you are actually missing character interactions. It should be easy to give Mako more character considering what we get in canon but somehow Hello Future Me gives Mako less. He really is just some guy in his fix, and there is no indication that he means something to Korra at all. He doesn’t even mention Mako’s death hurting Korra in anyway, because they don’t seem to share any emotional moments together, as friends or lovers. So in the end Hello Future Me doesn’t fix anything to do with Mako, he even makes them worse (beyond book 1).

He probably could have just had his fix of the Legend of Korra have Bolin and Mako gone from it, or removed after season 1. It would have not changed a thing really.

Anyway that’s my issues with Hello Future Me’s Legend of Korra videos. I do think they’re interesting but the thing is I’ve watched the legend of korra like five or six times since 2017 and I’ve thought of my own rewrites. So at this point whilst I liked his discussion of the show I think by gutting the emotional relationship drama, even if it was weak, and replacing it with nothing, he’s made the show less appealing, even if his plot makes more sense (though kicking Korra out of Republic City post Book 1 sucks).

#hello future me #legend of korra #tlok #lok #korra #mako #lok discourse #avatar

[plenary-indulgence]

about my cringefail wolship

some more thoughts on cocowedja since i had a lot of work meetings today and that’s what i’m thinking about 90% of the time when i’m supposed to be paying attention in work meetings

i don’t know how or when it started. actually that is a lie i know exactly how and when it started it was that ARR quest in coerthas after the waking sands massacre where you have to rescue wedge under a bridge and he bitches about being cold and hungry and afraid and my brain just went

and so did coconeja’s and that was the moment he fell in love just a little bit; and unfortunately for him he’s really only gotten worse since then

it’s definitely 100% unrequited tho on account of me not being able to invest emotionally in a ship unless everyone involved is miserable but check it: a) coconeja’s low self-esteem will not allow him to believe anyone could actually be into him in that way; there’s nothing really special about him aside from the echo/blessing of light which is a thing that he considers “happened to him” not so much a thing that he deserves to have or has “earned” in any way b) he also sees it as a burden that he carries and does not want to inflict on others. and he’s especially cognizant of how that kind of pressure would affect someone like wedge who, while not as infantilized now as he was in ARR (i have thoughts on this but i do find it funny actually so i let it slide) still is not the kind of guy who handles stress very well lol and coconeja is also all too aware of how being involved with the warrior of light in any capacity essentially paints a target on your back given THE EXACT SITUATION HE WAS SO AFRAID OF HAS ALREADY HAPPENED when omega quite literally blew up his spot honestly i could talk forever about that alone and how that shook him real bad, and he’s still hasn’t really confronted how it messed with him - like he went to a real dark place those few days waiting to see if biggs and wedge would be ok and he really just refuses to engage with those feelings in any capacity now that it’s over. it’s a struggle for him to not resent omega tho even now; knowing all that he knows it’s still an internal struggle not to punt the little bastard into the sea on sight. c) somehow, against all logic and reason, wedge remains totally oblivious to coconeja’s feelings (even though everyone else can tell, much to their exasperation, because coconeja thinks he’s being real on the sly about it but he really, really isn’t) and is still into tataru. and even if points a and b weren’t the insurmountable hurdles that they are he still would never risk their friendship like that by confessing in the first place - and they are really good friends; wedge is probably his second best friend in the whole world (his first best friend being flag of course which is fine because wedge’s first best friend is biggs so it’s all copacetic). even if coconeja weren’t down so bad his heart needs rezoning for a subbasement they’d still be close - they get along well, have the same sense of humor and values, are around the same age and are both kind of huge loser dorks in their own way. they’re both dog people.

so he tells himself that the way things are is fine, and he’s happy just so long as he can be there by wedge’s side and look out for him - that’s enough!! it has to be. like so what if the constant longing is wearing his gay little lalafell heart down into a shriveled little stump; it doesn’t matter. so long as they can be friends, and coconeja can make sure he’s safe and happy always and listen to him dork out about engineering stuff or in turn have someone to vent to who understands imposter syndrome and all the while he’s free to daydream about holding hands or first kisses or fun dates to all the exotic places in eorzea or an alternate universe where coconeja is the coolest and suavest mfer ever and everything he does is super impressive (and he can definitely do a backflip without landing on his face - 10 backflips even!! in sunglasses!!) and he is the kind of person he thinks wedge could actually fall in love with instead of being well, the him that he actually is.

and that will definitely be a fine way to cope forever and is certainly NOT unfair to wedge who is his own person that deserves agency over his own feelings and situation it’s not weird let’s not call it weird here look at all these daydream gposes i did aren’t they the most adorable wolship you’ve ever seen!!! i keep these in a folder called “the shame bucket” like any normal healthy person would :)

#not tagging this tho cause it's cringe #i just wanted to put down these thoughts somewhere #at least it's out of my system now

[minstrxll]

&&P.S.A;

Hi, there! Hi! Yeah, it's me. I think it's time that I address something I've been meaning to address. Some people have made similar posts, but I would also like to share my take on it, if you would grant me this moment.

Everyone knows that Mun =/= Muse. If you don't, that's okay! Here's the short version of it: a writer is not their character. The thoughts/action of a character are not reflective of the writer themselves.

However, there's an important factor of writing/RPing. And that's you! Yes, the writer! The mun! You are so important. Without you, your character (or even your version of them!!), your headcanons, your verses and AUs, all of that is null.

No one should ever feel unheard, unwanted, or unimportant. Consider this your reminder! But it's for that exact same reason that we must acknowledge that there IS a person behind the character. And that person can have a million different things going on in their lives that we don't see as an RPC.

The state of the world is chaotic and messy and worrisome right now. Everyone naturally has their limits. And sometimes that can mean that our empathy gets burnt out. It doesn't mean that we are unsympathetic or uncaring. It just means that we're exhausted and need a little time to recharge. A little escape from the horrors of life. A repreive from the anxiety and stress. Sometimes that means we don't want to come home after a long day and hop into another struggle. Sometimes it makes it hard to write someone capable and willing to help someone else in their troubles when it feels like we're drowning in our own.

If you are struggling outside of RP, I heavily encourage you to find someone you can talk to. A friend, a family member, a therapist. Not everyone in the RPC is well-equipped to handle each other's problems, and that is okay. Not everyone is professionally trained or emotionally available. We have to set our boundaries somewhere between all the chaos in our lives.

But as writers, we all have the same thing in common: writing is an escape. Writing is our hobby! We can think of anything we want, anytime we want and make a story out of it. And that's incredible, don't you think? It's amazing what you can do. Never forget that.

But that doesn't mean we're not human beings. There is always someone on the other side of that screen, and that person has probably lived a completely different life than you have or they have vastly different expectations. It can mean that what satisfies one person doesn't please another. Some people like apples, some people think oranges are mid.

Some people aren't super romantically inclined/sexually driven IRL and have a low tolerance for it.

And that's okay! What brings joy and comfort to one person may not necessarily apply to another. Like how we may have "love languages", we can have similar preferences from writing. Some people feel better putting their character through the wringer, some people want their character to be loved and cherished, other people want their character to find someone that loves and supports them despite everything. These are all different ways of reaching the same goal.

We want something satisfying out of our writing.

What satisfies me may not satisfy you, and that is okay. Because RP is a unique kind of writing. It's writing with a partner! A partner with wants and needs for their character AND themselves as a person. So it's a two-way street. An agreement to collaborate and cooperate on a thread or a verse.

Don't forget your partners are just as human as you. That can mean they have different priorities (work, school, family, etc.) and they have different expectations, preferences, and tolerances. So talk to your partner while you've got the time! (And if you don't, that's okay! Writing is a hobby. You should make time for the things that matter most to you without shame.) Plot with your partner! Get to know them! The better you understand what your RP partner wants, the better you can give them the writing experience they crave. And the same goes for you! Communicating your goals with a character will always make a better experience.

And if you're someone who struggles with that, that's okay too. Because I know there are so many friendly people in this community that are willing to be patient with you and support you. That's what so great about the RPC!

Okay, well. We've reached the end. I think I've said everything I want to say, and I say it out of love, care, and concern for everyone in the community.

In summary, the TL;DR:

- there is always a mun behind the muse

- people are human and have their own struggles/needs/priorities

- it’s okay to need help, but not everyone in the RPC is trained or emotionally available (if you need the resources to support yourself, please ask!!)

- writing is a hobby

- what satisfies one person doesn't always apply to another

- talk to your RP partners about your goals and expectations

- love yourself and your friends

And with how things have been in my life personally, I encourage you all to hug a friend, find something that brings you joy no matter how simple or silly, and talk to your fellow human beings and writers. I rarely say this unless I mean it, but I truly do love and care for you all. This is my way of hugging you in these tough times.

Thank you for getting this far. I hope this helps.

#&&long post; #&&psa; #hi i have thoughts? and i care about you all #&&ooc;

[clarehendlessly]

I fear more and more you don’t love me, more so the idea of who you want me to be. Who you think I can be. I frequently feel as if I’m not good enough for you, that you subconsciously feel that way. That’s what seems to be conveyed.

I think we flow well, however maybe you need more. The way my brain works, call it the autism or neurological wiring, either way, I need questions. My brain can make things so simple or so focused on one thing, without questions it’s hard to take what’s in my brain and get it out. I’ve always been like that. And while I can work on proactively trying to outwardly share things, that will always be how I am to an extent. Maybe you need more.

It gets exhausting dating someone who frequently doubts you, your connection, the viability of the relationship. I know what comes with you, emotional roller coaster and all. And I’ve always been vocal in letting you know I’m here for it. I also told you when we were getting back together that I could handle the emotional tumultuous experience that you have, but that I don’t know that I could handle you constantly feeling emotionally tumultuous about us. Because it wears me down. Feeling like I always have to be on my A game and prove to you that we can work, because at any moment you may turn around and start to question everything about us. Things aren’t 100% and your go to seems to be “do you really think we get along?”, “do you really think we’re compatible?”. All the exact things you said when you broke up with me. And I’m absolutely willing to pick up the extra when you can’t shoulder it, but this is fucking hard. Frequently being triggered to our break up, trying to prove things that are so apparent to me. I can remind you of things, but I can’t convince you. And I don’t want to have to feel as if I’m convincing you of the greatness we have in front of us. It drains me. Im on high alert for fear every day I might wake up and you’ll be questioning everything about us, and I have to talk you down. I can’t convince you to love me, to see what we have. I want you to. I hope you do.

[0813pm]

up to us, up to me

At some point in time, there will be moments where we pick up what’s shattered to move on.

I tended to be a very ignorant person when these moments occurred.

I often believed that things will patch itself back together without the need to work towards it.

Reflecting back on it, what a stupid thought that was.

As many would know, photography is a hobby of mine.

It’s also a perfect activity to capture memories within a single photograph.

I thought of this phrase to the things I do:

“Trying to add a thousand words to the pictures important to me.”

Oftentimes, I take photos of my friends having fun.

It doesn’t matter if it’s a good shot or bad.

Seeing them being happy is something that I don’t regret missing out on.

Photos are precious.

They can represent memories of a time where things felt so much more simpler.

They can allow you to reflect on the present, and how you can afford to change for the better.

It doesn’t matter if it is a family portrait or scenery images.

It is more towards what was felt by the photographer at the time.

To be honest, my only regret was not having enough photos taken when I had many more friends, and when I was happier.

Would I have reflected on my life faster?

Would I have changed for the better?

///

Going back to the shattered pieces, I should’ve guessed how slow of a person I am when it comes to changing and reflecting.

It was only now in this point in time where I realise how much I missed out on the beauty of life.

How I had many more things to live for.

That pain is only temporary.

Honestly, I still feel anxious.

I hate this pounding feeling of anxiety.

I kind of wish that I could fast forward to a time where I would be at peace with myself.

I still argue with myself on multiple occasions.

How I’d feel jealously over many things, anxious if people genuinely liked me, afraid of being abandoned.

As a whole, I’d end up disappearing because it’s tough to handle those emotions constantly.

Oftentimes, it’s difficult to talk about it to anyone, no matter how free they can be.

I feel bad for emotionally dumping my issues towards people, even if they say it is okay.

I think it’s just a terrible feeling overall, because that’s how anxiety is for me.

“Drink the thoughts away.”

///

It’s been a chaotic fight this year.

To be frank, I am tired of everything.

At many times, I have considered giving it all up.

But then, that would go against everything that I told myself the past few months.

At many points in life, you can’t just expect what was broken to be patched up automatically.

It’s something you have to choose for yourself.

I am at the point in life where I have to choose what is important to me.

It’s scary, but what’s the point if there’s no trying?

As the year slowly comes to an end, I don’t wish for much.

No exact thoughts about wanting to be happy.

More of wanting to be at peace with myself.

If that means giving up a lot of things, then I will try to prepare myself to do so.

For some reason, it sounds exciting.

I guess you’ll never know.

The days that come by are always full of surprises.

How we handle it determines the people that we are.

it is up to us, up to me, to keep moving forward.

So, let’s just try to be brave again for once.

[lemondropdancer]

Grounding Techniques

Mental Distraction Techniques

Pick a category of objects and try to think of as many objects as possible that fit within that category (e.g., types of dogs, cities, types of trees, crayon colors, sports)

Pick a letter and think of emotionally positive or neutral words that begin with that letter

Pick a color and look for things of that color. Notice differences in their exact shades

Say or think the alphabet backwards or alternate letters and numbers (A1, B2, C3, D4, etc)

Count backwards from 100 by 3s, 6s, or 7s or count up by prime numbers or perfect squares

Play "fizz-buzz" with yourself. Begin counting to 100 (or over!), but replace any number that contains the number 5 or is a multiple of 5 with the word "fizz" and any number that contains the number 7 or is a multiple of 7 with the word "buzz." For example, 1-15 would be "1, 2, 3, 4, fizz, 6, buzz, 8, 9, fizz, 11, 12, 13, buzz, fizz." When you mess up, compliment yourself and start over

Think of the words to your favorite song or poem or think of facts related to a specific theme

Pick a word or your name and see how many other words you can make from the letters in it

Describe an every day event or process in great detail, listing all of the steps in order and as thoroughly as possible (e.g., how to cook a meal, how to get from your house to your place of work or school, how to do your favorite dance)

Read something technical or meant for children or read words backwards to focus on the process of reading and not the words

Watch a children's television show or movie or watch cute or funny videos on Youtube; it might help to have a playlist already prepared for this

Look at a current news article that is not likely to be upsetting or distressing

Distract yourself with Tetris, Solitaire, Sudoku, word searches, or other puzzle games

Reorientation Techniques

Say or think to yourself: "My name is _________. I am safe right now. I am _____ years old. I am currently at _____________. The date is _____________. If I need help, I am with ________/can call _________. Everything is going to be alright."

List reaffirming statements ("I am fine. Everything is going to be okay. I am strong. I can handle this.")

Ask yourself where you are, what day of the week it is, what day of the month it is, what month it is, what year it is, what season it is, how old you are, and other present-focused questions

Notice things in your surroundings that indicate to you that you're safe or that you're in the present (e.g., locks on your door, electronics that didn't exist when you were younger, the presence of trusted people, a phone so that you can call for help if you need it)

Describe your surroundings in detail, including sights (objects, textures, shapes, colors), sounds, smells, and temperature

Name five things that you see, four that you feel, three that you hear, and two that you smell or taste, and then name one good thing that you like about yourself

Pick four or five brightly colored objects that are easily visible and move your focus between them. Be sure to vary the order of your gaze and concentrate briefly on each one before moving to the next

Think about a fun time that you recently had with a friend or call that friend and ask them to talk about it with you

Sensory-Based Grounding Techniques

Run cool or warm (but not too cold or hot) water over your hands or take a cool or warm bath or shower

Spritz your face (with eyes closed), neck, arms, and hands with a fine water mist

Spray yourself with your favorite perfume and focus on the scent

Feel the weight of your body in your chair or on the floor and the weight of your clothing on your skin

Touch and hold objects around you. Compare the feel, weight, temperature, textures, colors, and materials

Keep a small object with you to touch or play with when you get triggered. Good examples include a smooth stone, a fidget toy, jewelry, or a tiny plushy

Bite into a lemon, orange, or lime, suck on a sour or minty candy or an ice cube, chew cinnamon-flavored gum, or put a few drops of Tabasco sauce on your tongue. Notice the flavor, scent, and texture

Eat something or drink warm tea, coffee, or hot chocolate, and describe to yourself the taste and texture in great detail

Place a cool wash cloth on your face or hold something cold like a can of soda

Listen to soothing or familiar music. If possible, dance to it

Hum, sing, recite poetry, or make up a silly poem or story as you go

Pick up a book and read the first paragraph out loud

Hug another person (if interpersonal touch isn't a trigger). Pay attention to your own pressure and the physical sensations of doing so

Hug a tree! Register the smells of being outside, the wind, and the sights around you

Movement-Based Grounding Techniques

Breathe deeply and slowly and count your breaths

Grab tightly onto your chair or press your feet against the ground as firmly as you can

Rub your palms and clap your hands or wiggle your toes within your socks. Pay attention to the physical sensation of doing so

Stretch out your arms or legs, roll your head on your neck, or clench and unclench your fists

Stomp your feet, walk around, run, jump, ride a bike, do jumping jacks, or do yoga

While walking, notice each footstep and say to yourself "right" and "left" to correspond with the foot currently moving

Squeeze a pillow, stuffed animal, or ball

If you have a soft pet (dog or cat), brush its fur and stroke it. If you don't, brush your own hair slowly and without pulling too much

Color in an adult coloring book, finger paint, or draw anything that comes to mind without worrying about quality

Write whatever comes to mind even if it's nonsense. Try not to write about whatever is upsetting you until you're more capable of doing so without increasing the upset

Write a list of things that make you happy or look for cheerful pictures to make into a collage

Pop bubble wrap or blow and pop actual bubbles

Dig in the dirt or garden, jump on a pile of leaves, or splash around in puddles or mud

Rip up paper or stomp on aluminum cans to crush them

Imagery Techniques

Picture yourself breathing in relaxation, calm, positive feelings, or strength. Picture yourself breathing out whatever is upsetting you. It may help to pair this with imagery of breathing in soothing colors (usually blue, purple, or green) and out more intense colors (usually red or black)

If you need to relax, envision a soothing white or golden light slowly moving up your body, warming and relaxing every part of you that it touches. You can also think of it as protecting you from negativity or from harm

If the problem is intense or uncomfortable emotions, physical sensations, or memories, picture them being surrounded and neutralized by a bright and healing light, temporarily placed in a mental box to be stored for later, or dialed back by an internal controller of intensity

If you have a clear mental picture of what's upsetting you, mentally change it to something silly or harmless. If you're a fan of Harry Potter, cast a mental "riddikulus" to banish the negativity

Picture yourself calm, focused, and able to tackle whatever problems you're facing. Focus on how that would feel in the moment. What would your expression and posture be like? Make whatever changes you need to in order to make your reality reflect your goal

How to Make a Grounding Box

Get a box or basket

Personalize and decorate it with construction paper, wrapping paper, ribbon, stickers, drawings, paint, photographs, glitter, sequins, or anything else that you like

Keep within it:

A list of grounding techniques that you know work for you

A list of positive affirmations and happy memories

A list of the contact information of trusted friends or family who are willing to help and support you

Small sensory objects such as: scented candles, perfumes, or lotions; hard candies or gum; soft fabrics, a stress ball, a stuffed animal, or a fidget toy; happy pictures of you with friends; a CD with relaxing music or meditation tracks. Try to cover all of the senses

A list of possible distractions such as books to read or movies to watch

Small portable distractions such as a pack of playing cards, a small game, or a joke book

A list of comforting things to do such as taking a bubble bath, snuggling up in bed, or meditating

A small journal or notebook

In the Case of a Flashback

Tell yourself that you are having a flashback and are safe now

Remind yourself that the worst is over, and you survived it. What you're feeling now is just a reminder of that trauma and does not fit the present moment

Remind yourself of when and where you are, who you're currently with, and who you can contact if you need help (use the reorientation-focused grounding techniques)

Breathe deeply and slowly. Count your breathes and make sure that you're getting enough air

Use other mental, sensory, movement, and imagery techniques in order to distract yourself, calm yourself, and reorient yourself within the present

If possible or necessary, go somewhere where you can be alone or with a close friend, where you will feel safe, or where you feel protected or shielded

If there is anyone who you can trust or who will support you, reach out to them, let them know what happened, and let them know what you need, what would be best for you, or what they could do to help

Be gentle with yourself and take the time to really recover. If what helps you to recover is to color, take a bubble bath, hug a stuffed animal, or watch a children's movie and if it would not be disruptive to do such things at that point in time, embrace those options whole-heartedly

If possible, note or write down what triggered the flashback, what techniques you tried to use to disrupt the flashback, and what techniques helped

#panic anxiety #panic disorder #panic attack #anxiety #anxiety attack #grounding techniques #grounding #mental health #mentalwellness #mental disorder #disordered eating tw #eating disorder recovery #recovery #ana #anamia #bulimia #mia #thinspo #thinspiration #skinny #thin #depression #bipolar disorder #flashback #ptsd #complex ptsd #trauma

[agustdakasuga]

Between The Bloodshed | Chapter 19

Genre: Mafia!AU, Angst, Romance, Fluff

Pairing: OT7 x Reader

Characters: Doctor!Reader, Gangster!Namjoon, Gangster!Seokjin, Gangster!Yoongi, Gangster!Hoseok, Gangster!Jimin, Gangster!Taehyung, Gangster!Jungkook

Summary: Being a freelance doctor, this was just supposed to be any other job, helping a private client and taking care of him through his recovery. But you were not expecting to get caught in something so much darker that would change your life entirely.

Today’s the day. No more running away. It’s time to face the truth. 

Warning: This story is fictional and has nothing to do with real life events or the actual members of BTS. It may contain depictions of violence, blood shed/ gore and mentions of abuse. Please read at your own discretion.

When you stirred awake, your eyes widened and you shot up. You looked around the room and realised that you were in Namjoon’s room, the multiple books on the shelves being a dead giveaway. On the nightstand beside you was a scribbled note. 

‘Had to attend a meeting. Take the day off and rest. - Namjoon’

You sighed, falling back onto the bed. Looking down, you weren’t in your dress anymore. You only hoped that the boys weren’t daring enough to change you and in your drunk stupor, you were able to change yourself. 

“Kill me.” You screamed into the pillow. 

*KNOCK KNOCK*

“Go away.” You groaned. 

“Good morning.” Taehyung came in with a grin. You sat up in annoyance, running your fingers through your hair in an attempt to undo all the tangled knots from your sleep. 

“Here, this will help.” Taehyung poked your shoulder. He handed you the hangover pill and a glass of lemon water. 

“Thanks...” You swallowed the pill with the cold liquid. Sighing tiredly, you fell back onto Namjoon’s pillow. Since it was obvious that you slept next to the guy, who is also your boss, you didn’t care that Taehyung was seeing you enjoying the warmth and comfort of Namjoon’s bed. After all, you were too tired and hungover to care. 

“Hey, Taehyung. Where’s Jimin?” You asked. 

“Still sleeping. Whenever Jimin drinks as much as he did last night, he sleeps for a really long time. Like... until the following evening.” Taehyung shrugged. You nodded your head. 

“Do you... feel better? After last night.” Taehyung seemed a little cautious with his question. 

“Do I feel better? Well, I did feel more relaxed last night at the club. But right now, my stomach is churning and my head is pounding so not really.” You chuckled. Seeing that you still joked around, Taehyung grinned. 

“Need help getting back to your room?” 

“I can manage.” You forced a smile. Taehyung just let you grab onto his arm to stand up. He walked beside you just to keep you company. 

“Wait, Tae. Did... anything happen last night when Jimin and I came home from the bar?” You grabbed his wrist suddenly, startling the boy. He blinked, turning to look at you. 

“What do you mean?” He tilted his head. 

“Well, I obviously don’t remember how I even came home last night. And something must have happened for me to end up in Namjoon’s bed. Also, I know how bad I can get when I’m drunk. So tell me, how bad was it?” You interrogated. 

“You weren’t bad, doc. Don’t worry.” He assured. You let out a sigh of relief at his words. 

“You were cute.” He added with a snicker. You froze in your spot as your eyes widened. Just how drunk were you last night? That itself made you feel like throwing up even more. 

“I need to see Jimin and... or Namjoon.” You detoured and left his side. Taehyung trailed behind you as you went downstairs. 

“Wait, I wanted to ask-”

“Oh, (y/n)! You’re awake!” Jungkook ran over to you excitedly, cutting Taehyung off. You gave the youngest a slightly weird look, taking a step back. Why was he so excited?

“What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing. I need to see Namjoon.” You cleared your throat. 

“Oh, come on! You already didn’t want to leave his side last night! And now, you’re already looking for him the moment you wake up! What about me?!” Jungkook growled unhappily. You cupped a hand over your mouth to mask your shock. Behind you, Taehyung was sending signals to Jungkook to stop scaring you about last night. 

“Doc? I thought I heard you.” Namjoon poked his head out from behind the pillar, walking over. You gave an awkward wave. 

“Morning?” You rubbed the back of your neck, embarrassed. Namjoon chuckled, still finding your adorable, as he patted the top of your head. You shrunk back. 

“Uh, Namjoon... I didn’t do anything weird last night... Did I?” 

“No, you’re good.” He ruffled your hair. Before you could question him further, Hoseok came and tapped the watch on his wrist. 

“Listen, doc. We’ll talk when I get back.” Namjoon waved to everyone and rushed off with Hoseok, who winked at you with a giggle. Just then, Jin came out of the kitchen with a maid behind him. The maid placed a bowl of warm rice porridge on the table for you. 

“Here. It’ll make you feel better. It’s abalone porridge.” Jin said. 

“Thank you. I really needed this.” You took a spoon. The boys hung around you as you ate your food. 

“I’m hungover, not unstable. You guys don’t have to wait for me. Go do your work or something.” You raised your eyebrow at them. The boys cast each other looks but didn’t move. 

“It’s okay.” Taehyung said. 

“So, (y/n)-”

“I’m done eating. Namjoon said it’s my day off so run along. Go do whatever you mafia guys do.” You waved them off like little kids. You didn’t even hear Jin as you jogged up the stairs and disappeared into the hallway.

“Yoongi? You there?” You knocked on his room door. There was no reply. Even when you pressed your ear to the door, there was no sound of movement or any grunts. 

“Doctor. Are you looking for young master Yoongi?” The sudden appearance of the butler made you jump. 

“Uh... yeah. But it’s nothing important.” You blushed.

“Young master Yoongi just came back from a lunch appointment. He is in the other wing.” He informed. You nodded your head, thanking him with a pat on the shoulder before shuffling over to the other wing of the house. Your hand hovered over the golden handles of the double doors. The last time you were here, you weren’t exact the most comfortable. 

“Y-Yoongi?” You called out as you entered. For the first time, the wing was so silent and dark. Heading up the stairs, you looked at the various labelled doors that lined the hallways. 

‘Min Yoongi’

You knocked but again, there was no reply. Pursing your lips, you decided to go in anyway. It was a simple office, monochromatic with some dark blues.

“What are you doing here?” Yoongi’s sudden voice shocked you. You turned around to face the male, who had a stoic look on his face. In his hand was a crystal glass with whiskey. 

“Looking for you.” You replied. Duh. He nodded his head slowly, entering the office and closing the door behind him. He took a sip of his drink. 

“Want some?” He shook his glass. 

“No, thanks. Hungover.” You cringed as you pointed to your still throbbing temple. 

“Right. You were quite different last night. I don’t think any of us have ever seen you like that before. You didn’t want to let Namjoon go because of his ‘cute dimples’.” He said. Your jaw dropped slightly as you held your cheeks, totally wanting to bury yourself right now. 

“Namjoon said I didn’t do anything weird.” You whimpered. 

“Right...” Yoongi gave a slightly amused face. 

“Actually, I wanted to talk about-” You were cut off when Yoongi tugged you by your arm into his embrace. He resting his eyes against your shoulder, arms around your waist tightly. 

“Why doesn’t he want to get better?” He whispered, fists bunching the back of your shirt. 

“Yoongi...” 

“I went to see him. He didn’t even want to see me. But I just had to know... why he doesn’t want to be treated. He just... accepts it. Accepts that he is going to die.” He started to shake a little, voice cracking.

“I promised to stay awake if he lets me help him. But even then, he didn’t want it.” You smoothed to back of his head, remembering what Jimin told you. 

“Yoongi hyung always wanted to be close to his brother. But his father never allowed Geumjae hyung and Geumjae’s mother near them.” Jimin explained as he sipped his drink.

“Why?” 

“Geumjae hyung was the son of his past lover. Sure, he allowed the mother and son to stay in the same estate and still provided for them, a little. But as a kid, when Yoongi went to find Geumjae hyung to play, his father would get so angry and punish them, especially Geumjae hyung. That’s when Yoongi hyung’s father adopted Hoseok hyung.” Jimin shrugged. 

“That’s horrible. He’d rather adopt another child than to let both his sons be siblings.” You shook your head. 

“That’s how Yoongi hyung’s father was.” Jimin sighed. 

“I’m glad I never have to meet him.” 

“Once Geumjae hyung was old enough to provide for himself and his mother, he moved them out of the family estate. When Yoongi hyung found them again, apparently Geumjae hyung’s mom had already passed away.” Jimin said. 

“She passed away?” You asked. 

“According to Geumjae hyung, even as his mother grew older, she was mentally unstable. From the heartbreak and abandonment...” 

“I can imagine how hard it must have been for Geumjae to watch his mother go through that, and not be able to get over it, even as she aged.” You felt sad for Geumjae and Yoongi.

“Geumjae hyung’s resentment just... carried on to Yoongi hyung. I guess Geumjae hyung felt that he and his mother were replaced. Rather than blame a dead man, he’d rather blame Yoongi hyung.” Jimin finished, ordering another round of drinks. 

“And even so, Yoongi still wants to help him when he’s sick.” You looked at your empty glass. 

“To Yoongi hyung, just knowing you still have family alive is enough.”

“I’m sorry things turned out like this, Yoongi.” Pulling away, you looked at his face. He looked so exhausted and emotionally drained, even if it had only been one day. 

“You should rest, Yoon. You’ve had a long day.” You told him, taking the glass from his hand. Usually, Yoongi would snap at whoever takes his drink from him but with you, he let you take it without a fight. 

“Let’s go?” Yoongi waited for you at the door of his office. You nodded, walking with him out of the other wing. 

“Jimin will be asleep the rest of the day. He doesn’t usually get tipsy but he does sleep for a while after a night of drinking.” He informed. 

“Yeah, Tae told me.” You chuckled. 

“I hope you don’t mind that Jimin told me a little background about you and your brother. I just wanted to understand a little bit more... which I did. That’s why I was looking for you, to talk to you and maybe, understand a little more.” You said, putting your hands in your pockets. You were ready for him to get angry that you invaded his private life.

“Jimin knows what to share about my past on my behalf. I trust him.” He shrugged and you let out a mental sigh of relief. The both of you stopped in front of Yoongi’s bedroom. 

“Rest well.” You wished. 

“You too.” He forced a smile. Just as you were about to turn to head to your own room, you heard him clear his throat. 

“Actually, (y/n)...” He rubbed the back of his neck. 

“Hmm?” You titled your head. 

“Nevermind.” He shook his head before entering his room and shutting the door. You stared at the black door for a few seconds before you shrugged and headed back to your own room. 

“Jimin?!” You opened your bedroom door and was shocked to see the male in your bed. He was sleeping soundly, hugging your pillow. You fed Kookie his lunch before heading over to peek at Jimin. True to that, he was really fast asleep. You sighed with your hands on your hips. 

“I’m always finding you or Jungkook in my bed. And lately, Taehyung too.” You shook your head but of course, he didn’t respond. 

“At least scoot over.” You chuckled, pushing him to the side before you slid in, under the covers. Jimin didn’t even stir as you moved him or stole your pillow back from him. 

“Goodnight... I guess?” You closed your eyes. 

-

“Wait, you didn’t ask her?” The older ones all asked their maknae with crossed arms. They were in disbelief, having believed that Jungkook would be the first one to ask you to the ball. 

“I was going to. But Yoongi hyung just had to come and start such big drama.” Jungkook glared. Yoongi rolled his eyes with a snort. 

“Well, you did the same to me when I was going to ask her!” Taehyung sneered. Jungkook frowned. 

“I’m surprised you didn’t ask her.” Jin turned to Jimin. 

“That night out was for her to let go of her stress. It was about her, not me.” Jimin shrugged. The boys were all squabbling downstairs. When this whole ‘plus 1′ incident came up, they all planned to individually ask you to the ball that was taking place tonight but somehow, they all kept getting interrupted by each other. 

“She fell asleep before I could ask her. I was supposed to ask her when I got back but I was busy cleaning someone’s mess up.” Namjoon hissed, looking at Jimin, who was more interested in inspecting his nail bed. 

“Can we get back to this? So no one asked her?” Yoongi broke all the arguments and squabbles. 

“You didn’t ask her? I heard from one of the butlers you were with her in the other wing for a while. You could have asked her.” Jin asked. 

“No... There were more important things to discuss.” He crossed his arms. 

“The plan was to have someone ask her! Rather it be one of us than some stranger!” Hoseok said, annoyed. 

“I’m ready!” Your voice was heard. The boys were not ready for what they saw. You were in a light blue dress, the bodice decorated with intricate floral lace patterns and sparkles, the ends of the skirt just brushing against the floor. 

“Wow.” The boys were speechless. It would be cliche to say you looked like a princess but you did. 

“Is it too much?” You raised an eyebrow with an amused laugh. The boys didn’t say anything but shook their heads, you were mesmerising. Although, what was able to break them out of their trance was when you walked forward to sling arms with Jin. He smiled down at you. 

“H-Hyung... Y-You...” 

“Jin asked if I had a ‘plus 1′ to tonight and I was so busy to find someone to go with me. He offered to be my partner for tonight and I didn’t have any objection.” You shrugged. 

“I never said I didn’t ask her.” Jin snickered. The rest all looked at him with wide eyes of betrayal. 

“Let’s go.” Jin patted your hand and led you out. The other 6 trailed behind, glaring daggers into the back of Jin’s head. Jin opened the door of his chauffeur limousine for you. You bowed your head slightly and slid in. 

“Hyung!” Jungkook shouted in outrage. 

“All’s fair in love and war. Don’t worry, I know what to do.” Jin waved the others off. Hoseok went to the other door. 

“Nu uh. This is for me and her. You guys ride separately.” Jin pointed to the other car behind. Their jaws dropped, their cunning hyung already had everything planned. He played them and they fell for it like fools! Unwillingly, they trudged to the car while Jin slid into the seat beside you. You tilted your head in confusion. 

“Don’t worry about them.” Jin chuckled. 

“I’m excited to be going to an event where I don’t have my parents giving me a full briefing on who is who and what is what.” You smiled, smoothing your dress down. 

“Yes, it’s a celebration for you too, doc. You deserve to enjoy it” Jin nodded his head. When the car stopped, the door was opened for you. 

“Good evening.” The staff bowed deeply to you and Jin. 

“Hey.” You greeted them. 

“Bosses!” Seeing you and Jin, with the other 6 behind, everyone in the ballroom stopped to give the 8 of you a deep bow. Namjoon walked down first while you stayed behind Jin. The boys were received with big smiles and hugs. 

“Come on, (y/n). Let’s go to the bar!” The maknaes were quick to steal you when they saw Jin distracted, speaking to the manager for his casino. You giggled, following their lead. All of you ordered your drinks and clinked your glasses together. 

“Don’t you guys have people to greet too?” You asked the 3 boys, sipping from your glass. 

“Nah.” Taehyung waved you off. 

“Are you guys starting the party without us?” The 4 older ones soon joined. They ordered their drinks to toast with you. The 8 of you clinked all your glasses together with cheer. 

“To, doc!” Hoseok grinned. 

“To preventing us from dying!” Jimin added and everyone burst out laughing. You drank your drinks in one shot. 

“I was just doing my job, boys. It was no big deal, really.” You smiled softly, looking at all of them. It wasn’t long until they were all being pulled away by their staff to talk. 

“We’ll be back! Stay right here, I’ll come get you. There’s another surprise for you.” Jin winked. You nodded your head, waving with a smile as he was dragged away. You grabbed a plate of food and stayed by the bar, picking at the food with the forks. Some of the boys’ workers that you recognised came to chat and speak with you. 

“Ah, please excuse me.” You said as you slipped away from the conversation, heading to the washroom. 

“Ugh, finally. Some peace and quiet.” Yoongi grumbled as he stepped out onto the big balcony with his brothers. The others nodded in agreement, finally getting some space to breathe. 

“Where’s (y/n)?” Jungkook asked. 

“Jin hyung went to get her. I mean, afterall, she is his date tonight.” Namjoon chuckled. 

“Ugh, don’t remind me.” Jungkook said sourly. It was safe to say, the other 6 were still not over the fact that their eldest was able to sneak past all of them to ask you to be his partner for the event tonight. 

“Whatever, after tonight, hopefully we’ll all have the chance to take her out on a date one day.” Hoseok comforted the maknae. 

“That’s if she decides to accept us.” Yoongi snorted. 

“I think I see hyung coming! Everyone, stand together.” Taehyung said excitedly. All the boys straightened up, standing in a sort of straight line. But they were not expecting Jin to run out of the ballroom alone, a look of fear and panic on his face. 

“(y/n)’s gone.” Jin announced. 

~~ 

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