#but like talking to yourself

[miraclesprinkle]

No memories remain of anything before

Yes, I'm with you in a garden of carnage

In a mayhem of trickster and tricked!

#amphibia #marcy wu #my art #okokok so- #i'm gonna do my best to explain this #because most of the art i make is some form of abstract/surreal #and most have a deeper meaning that will only makes sense to me and me only #but this one i wanna try and explain #anyway- #so it's supposed to represent conversation with yourself #like a shower argument if you will #but like talking to yourself #and enjoying the convo because nobody else but you will #like marcy could talk to anne or sasha about whatever but they wouldn't like or participate at all in the way marcy both wants/needs #so the only person marcy can have a real conversation with is herself #that's why the phone isn't connected to anything #what they're talking about isn't for anyone else to listen to #it's just for them because they know nobody else won't talk to them like they can #but that's it #hope that made any sense lmao

[toss-a-coin-to-your-stan-account]

being a student during peak pandemic was so fucking surreal like. "it's not an excuse to fall behind" I cannot stress enough to you how much A Worldwide Plague Upending Life As We Know It is literally one of The Top Three Reasons to fall behind

#you go upstairs to hear the news talk about the death toll hitting 100k. you get some frozen waffles bc its all you've got stocked up #and you wont risk going to get groceries or takeout. you go back downstairs because you have a 3 page essay due. #you stare at your word doc with lofi playing and wonder why you can't just buckle down and work like normal. #or really. you pretend to wonder #because you know the reason you cant work like normal #you just refuse to allow yourself to believe its reason enough #mine #academia #covid mention

[insomniac-arrest]

Depression is such an effective tranquilizer that it creates a great opportunity for plot twists in your real life. I have a pretty consistent opinion of myself which is "low" and "never ending guilt and shame for reasons I don't understand."

Recently received feedback from two different editing clients that started with "Please pass along to your editor that she is phenomenal at her job" and "I was blown away by the evaluation I received."

You always hear about how depression (and anxiety) lies to you and distorts reality, but there is logically knowing that and then there is like, physical proof of it and you are suddenly Neo in the Matrix jumping out of the fucked up little tube machine.

#damn ego is a helluva drug #regular plot twists where I Am Good #you ever wonder why you are constantly mad at yourself despite like the world burning down #I could have better things to be mad about #but brain has priorities known as Must Be Hard On Self #IA talks #bipolar stuff

[cruelsister-moved2]

for real! (from kadji amin)

[Image description: Screenshot of text:

What I've realized is that I believe that the matter of gender is practical and relational. It's not about who you are inside, it's more about how you would feel most comfortable in the world. It's not 'Who are you?' but 'How do you want to live?'

Had that been the discourse when I was coming up, I would have breathed a sigh of relief. I don't have to figure out who I am on the inside, I just have to figure out how I want to live.

end of ID]

#and I kind of felt really sad when they were talking about how like they feel in some ways figuring yourself out is way harder now #bc there is this pressure to like figure out who u Really Are Inside #and instead of being like well maybe my identity goes far beyond gender and like i don't need to find some microlabel #in order to like define who is Me #it's become very fixated on like categorising ur gender rejection in a way that ends up just. making even more genders to constrain u #it's hard to summarise it was like v wordy but I thought this part was so true #for sexuality as well not to tack it on but we have really gotten into the same mindset w sexuality now as well #THANK U @VAKAVANHASAATANA for the ID it wont let me @ you in the text </33

[inkskinned]

there are a lot of posts out there that are positive and healthy coping mechanisms for handling the holidays. this is not one of them :)

i think there's like. going to be times in your life you will be stuck in a social situation that you cannot escape from gracefully. i do not know why the internet doesn't believe these times exist. it's not always just that your physical safety is at risk - sometimes it's legit like "i just don't currently have the energy or time to put in the effort of responding to this." sometimes it's a coworker you hate so much. sometimes it's just like, fine, you know? like you know you can handle your aunt when she's cheerily horrible, but if you actually set a boundary around her, it's going to be weeks of fallout with your father.

i don't know why people think the answer is always just "cut them out!" or "don't let them get away with that!" because ... the real world is tricky and complicated. i think kind of a lot of us have an internal "radiation poisoning" meter for certain people. like - i'm talking about the ones who are absolutely giving you gradual ick damage. like, you can handle them, but you'll be exhausted.

and yes. you absolutely should listen to your therapist and the good posts about handling others and set good boundaries and take care of yourself. prioritize peace.

HOWEVER :) ...... since im often in a situation with a Gradual Sense of Ick person i cannot just "cut out" of my life (without losing someone else precious to me) - i have sort of developed the most. maladaptive form of mischief possible. because like, if i'm going to have to listen to this shit again, i like to have a little bit of private fun with it.

now! again, i am physically safe, just mentally drained by this man. you should only do this with people you are not in danger with. which leads me to my suggestions for when your Unfortunate Acquaintance shows up and says oh everyone pay attention to me.

my favorite word is "maybe!" said as brightly and happily as possible. whenever the Horrible Person starts in on a topic you do not want to go further with, particularly if they make a claim that you know to be inaccurate, do not respond to it. you and i have both tried to actually argue with this person, and it hasn't gone well, because this person just wants the drama of an argument. however, "maybe!" gives them literally nothing to go on. it is incredibly disarming. they are used to people having some response. they know they can't prove what they're saying, and maybe! treats them like the child they are. it dismisses them in the politest way possible.

i like to say maybe! and then, in their stunned silence, immediately change the subject. this is because i have adhd and i will have something unrelated to talk about, but if you can't think of topics fast enough, i recommend just pointing to something and saying, "isn't that lovely?" because fuck you let's bring in some positivity.

by the way. that second trick - of pointing to something and stating an opinion about it? - that just works on its own, like, 70% of the time. i picked it up from teaching preschoolers. it's an intentional "redirect". it stops children crying and it also stops grown adults from finishing their explanation on why women belong in kitchens. dual wielding!

keep it silly for yourself. i absolutely do not care if people think i'm fucking stupid (it's more fun if they do) and as a result i will purposefully misunderstand things just to see how long it takes them to realize i've completely removed them from the subject at hand. when they say "women aren't funny" i get to be like. "which women." "all women." "all women in america?" "no in the world." "like the mole people? the people in the world?" "what? no. like, alive." "oh are we not counting the mole people?" "what the fuck are you talking about." "you don't believe in the mole people?"

similarly, i play a personal game called "one up me." my Evil Acquaintance literally knows this game exists (my family & friends caught onto it and now also play it) and it always fucking gets him. i don't know why. you have to be willing to be a little free-spirited on this one, though. the trick is that when they make one of those horrible little bigoted or annoying comments they are always making, you need to go one unit weirder. not more intense, mind you - just more weird. "you don't look good in that dress." "yeah, actually, my other dress was covered in squid ink due to a mishap at the soup store." "you shouldn't wear such revealing clothes." "wait, what? oh shit. sorry, your son tears off strips when no one is looking and eats them. i swear it was longer before we left the building."

the point of "one up me" is to completely upend this person's narrative. we both know this person likes setting up situations where you cannot "win" and then they really like telling other people how badly you handled it. in a usual situation, if you respond "please don't say something that rude", you're a bitch. but if you let it happen, you're letting yourself be debased. they are not usually expecting door number three: unflappably odd. because what are they going to say when they're telling everyone how badly you behaved? "she said my son eats her dresses" ".... okay?"

if you can, form an allyship with someone whomst you can tagteam with. where they can pick up on your weird "soup store" story and run with it.

the following phrase is amazing and can be deployed for any situation: "oh, be nice :) it's the holidays!" i do not know why this works as often as it does. i'll say it for the most random shit. i think this is bc most of the time these people know they're being impolite, they just like to fight.

godbless. when in doubt, remember that you could always start stealing their pens.

the whole point of this is - if you can't escape. maybe see how long you can just be. like. a horrible little menace.

#this is objectively bad advice #don't listen to it protect yourself and do real work on yourself find one of the good posts i've made about this #but also. u know. if u want to have fun while u do the work of setting boundaries #.... it IS fun #i will say that my fear of him went SO down after i just started. fucking with him. #bc i used to get SO fucking upset #i'd spend WEEKS arguing with him. tearing my hair out. sick with anxiety and dread and anger about all of it #and now i just LITERALLY do not engage #instead i'm like '' haha :) mole people" and get the HELL out of any tense conversation #i kind of think some of these people are literally addicted to drama as a form of connection #they like the rush they get from arguing #but those arguments are incredibly damaging for me #so like..... i am in the process of literally rehabilitating this person to figure out how to find connection thru #NORMAL CONVERSATION #he doesn't get it yet #i also do talk to them like they're preschool kids lmafo . ''are you using a safe and kind voice right now?'' #'' do you need a snackie? you sound a little upset. let's have some hummus and come back to playtime when we feel ready''

[deer-time]

people will write think pieces on why they can't enjoy female characters or f/f because they aren't fuckable to them or crack "hates women so much he's gay jokes" but if someone even cracks a joke about hating men people start having a nuclear meltdown

#like just scrooooll past and quit talking about how you cant invest yourself in women and MUST write on the one guy who appeared for 3 min

[twinstxrs]

so much happened in this whole episode but i’m still on fig infiltrating ruben’s dream, making it look like the place where his friend was murdered, and then disguising herself as kipperlilly & repeatedly saying different variants of “somebody needs to take the fall for this, and it’s not going to be me. it’s going to be you.” while adaine as the elven oracle shows up next to her. can you imagine waking up from that, the idea of a horrible truth being pinned on you by your friend to save her own skin while the personification of fate and destiny stands there, almost as a promise that this is GOING to happen to you. we don’t even know if this kid is guilty. my god.

#fantasy high #dimension 20 #fhjy #fhjy spoilers #fantasy high junior year #fig faeth #ruben hopclap #lucy frostblade #the rat grinders #adaine abernant #kipperlilly copperkettle #watching fig terrorize him like girl!!! we don’t even know if he’s guilty!!!! #this might just be for me but i do not think 5 teenagers willingly brutally killed their friend idk #like there just has to be some other element to it and i am very scared to find out what that was #what if they were put in a position where they felt there was/there was no other choice… like oh my god #my comedy brain is having fun but my ‘this is a teenager’ brain is in such deep distress all the time this season #the rat grinders i trust brennan to not make u cartoonishly evil so i am holding u as gently as i can in my confused shaky hands #also with the devil’s nectar i’ve been wondering why they all seem so well-adjusted & now i’m curious if they’ve been intentionally- #changing their memories in a way so that either the trauma is lesser or they think they aren’t guilty. idk #but it seems like from how gertie was talking she was making it more recently so the well adjustedness from early jy doesn’t quite add up #they could have another source maybe??? idk i’m just low stakes 4 a.m. spitballing here #there’s also the strong possibility that they’re aware of what happened but they weren’t the ones who killed lucy. idk who knows #the way you could probably devil’s nectar yourself into believing it wasn’t your fault someone died… CRAZY IMPLICATIONS!!! CRAZY IDEA!!! #anyways the bad kids & the rat grinders don’t ever have to like each other but i do wonder if at least some of those kids deserve a chance

[cordycepspog]

There’s something horrifyingly beautiful about Tess’s final moments. In the midst of the most dire chaos, as she waits for her death to come rushing past so she can blow it sky high and give cordyceps a big fuck you one last time, one of the infected stops. It looks at her, really looks. Her own mortality is personified in this infected. It’s death that’s looking at her, and it sees her. She looks her own death in the eye, and the suspense is so high as it approaches. But then, it doesn’t bite her throat out like we all expect it to.

It kisses her. What’s more, it kisses her gently. And I think it was a brilliant choice on the writers part, because it reminded me that the infected aren’t supposed to be evil. Sure, they’re scary as hell, but really, they’re just trying to survive. They’re connected to one another, they can feel each other from miles away. They seek out and want to be close to their own kind, just like the human survivors do. And when they do find each other, they kiss hello.

And after so long apart from a loved one, someone you know and trust with every instinct in your body, wouldn’t you want to kiss them too?

#okay that’s enough posting for the night but I’m sure I’ll have more dumb little thought’s tomorrow #I still wanted to talk about how Tess let’s it kiss her in her final moments. Like it’s one last intimate moment she lets herself have #before she dies. but that’s a post for another time #something something recognizing yourself in the other something something transitioning from one family to the next through death something #something. #anyway rip tess #anna torv i love you you slayed #tlou #tlou hbo #tess tlou #joel miller #ellie tlou #tlou spoilers #the last of us #tw body horror #just in case #I’d also like to bring up that this is an interpretation. obviously the kiss was for shock factor. i’m just having fun analyzing it

[mugentakeda]

more jetko tomfoolery

#jet: have you ever seen a bitch so bad you wanted to kill yourself? #smellerbee: can we talk about something else. like when are you gonna get a job for example #also as for why i think jet and iroh would still have beef even if jet never saw him heat his tea.... #i think jet would still find his vibes very off. and hed be right about that technically #and iroh wouldnt like jet because hes slimy and proud of it. and because he came over to their apt once and sat on zukos bed w his shoes on #he wants his kid to make friends. really he does. but why does this little punk have to be it. #jetko #jet #zuko #iroh #smellerbee #longshot #avatar the last airbender #atla #alicias art

[uncanny-tranny]

Something I love that some trans people do is talk about their pre-transition selves with no context as to their transition.

Like, if a trans woman talks about her past by saying, "when I was in Boy Scouts..." and never elaborates that she's trans and that there was a time where she was a boy scout. I just think that kind of normalization is great (and honestly, it can be funny when others are like "a GIRL in the BOY scouts?????? My life is changed")

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #mtf #nonbinary #i think normalization can/should look like being able to talk abour yourself pre-transition without couching it in 'i am trans. i am trans' #like that's not the focus of the story obviously!!! let the women talk about being in boy scouts without fear and explanation gddamnit!!!

[sammygender]

people on this website invent a dean winchester that is basically sam winchester and then turn around and say Sam is so boring dean is my favourite. girl that is not dean

#Like i love dean truly but youre kidding yourself. thats SAM. thats SAMS arc. #oliver talks #spn #sam winchester

[solarockk]

Gege make these two interact i dare you

+bonus

#jujutsu kaisen spoilers #jjk spoilers #jjk #maki zenin #mai zenin #nobara kugisaki #momo nishimiya #nobamaki #momomai #nobamai if you squit #i think they're funny #maki and momo are grieving and mai and nobara are just shit talking together in hell #i miss my girls #do i still have hopes of nobara coming back? maybe #never back down never what? #anyway yesterday i realized maki and momo should be friends and cried #bc maki of course looks so much like mai #and momo can be brash an outspoken just like nobara #its like they're trying to fill a void #you can pretend im not myself only if i can pretend you're not yourself type of shit #they make me mentally ill #im making this a thing #i dont care if its platonic or romantic i just know its sad #i wanted to call them momomaki but its already a ship in another fandom i think so #makimomo it is #makimomo

[evilesbiautism]

The most common argument you'll hear against self diagnosis is that people will fake being [X] for attention. But every disabled person, physical or otherwise, knows this could only work in online spaces - the world was not made for us, and brandishing your disability as a badge of honor that gives you ~special privileges~ is such a funny idea.

Like, honey - that doesn't happen. No one gets anything from being disabled. Maybe extra accommodations if you're lucky - but nothing else. And the internet isn't as important as you seem to think - eventually it just feels hollow.

Ask disabled people how often they had to fight to get diagnosed so their medical needs could be met and their complaints would be heard. Doctors are just hardwired to delay this as much as possible.

I knew I was autistic since late 2018 - I got an official diagnosis 4 months ago. Knowing yourself and how you can make your own life easier is a lifesaver.

And this isn't even going into how many *cons* there are to a professional diagnosis, like being met with disdain at most and denied services at worst.

I don't care if a 16 year old who self diagnosed after taking 1 online quiz about autism is wrong. And honestly I think it's weird people treat this 'issue' with so much hatred.

#little rant. sorry #im not talking about tiktok autism bs thats like. misinformation at the very least #im talking about trying to learn about yourself and help yourself. who cares if it turns out to be inaccurate. life life breathe air #actuallyautistic #actually autistic #autism #autistic #adhd #audhd #actually adhd #ocd #actually ocd #like see im constantly denied a diagnosis for ocd and im still like ok whats with the visions and thinking im a monster for them ^_^ #is it bc my obsession is very often avoidance. is it. #self dx #self diagnosis

[forbiddenseason]

More about Loser Baby but about the moment where Angel calls himself a “coked up dick sucking ho”

He calls himself that to demean himself. Many other characters (antagonists usually) use the same kinds of words to demean Angel and imply he isn’t worthwhile.

But Husk says “baby, that’s fine by me.”

And it makes Angel smile, it’s what really cheers him up.

The entire song is about having value as a person despite where you are in life.

#it’s time to lose your self loathing excuse yourself let hope in baby!!! #there’s actually many different parts of the song I could talk about #like also #the first step to being better is to stop digging the hole #and it’s so fucking hard to stop digging #and also just like. shit just fucking happens!!!! people end up in bad places and they DESERVE respect as human beings #even if it’s their fault #that’s what my other post was about #huskerdust #hazbin hotel #Angel dust #husk #thots4thoughts

[bulldog-butch]

i’ll be honest i think we put way too much emphasis on ragging on people for who they’re not attracted to or don’t wanna have sex with than just making sure people are treating people they’re not attracted too with the same level of decency and respect that they give to people they are into. like i think it’s very important to deconstruct why you might not be attracted to fat people, or masculine lesbians, or trans people, or people of races that are not your own, but at the end of the day our brains are weird as hell and we ultimately have very little control over who we end up attracted to. but what you do have control over is how you interact with and treat people that you’re not interested in. this is not even to mention that being attracted to a certain feature doesn’t even necessarily mean that you’re treating those people with respect!!!!

i can only speak to my own identities, but at the end of the day i don’t care if you’re not attracted to me because i’m fat or because i’m trans or because i’m masculine. what i do absolutely care about is that you recognize that just because i’m not your cup of tea, doesn’t mean those qualities are inherently unattractive and doesn’t make me any less deserving of respect and kindness

#anyways merry christmas #i’ve just had this thought jostling around for a long time #there are plenty of things i’m not attracted to but 1. that doesn’t mean i’m gonna go around talking about it because that serves no purpos #and 2. i’m not going to treat people differently just because i don’t think they’re attractive #it for some reason rubs me the wrong way when i see posts that are like ‘if you’re not attracted to fat or trans people than kill yourself’ #because hey guys guess what #if everyone was attracted to fat people fatphobia would still exist #bork bork!

[happyk44]

percy repeating that he can be good over and over again to himself while covered in the blood after an overwhelming unleash of volatile rage that destroyed all that threatened his loved ones while grover holds his face and steadily grounds him back to reality

("i'm safe, we're safe, it's safe, just breathe")

#grover underwood #percy jackson #grover looks past the violence because percy takes precedence and percy embraces the violence because grover takes precedence #like do you get it? do you get the sorrows of being an angry person trying so hard to be Good for the people you love and falling short #because you love too much and with your whole heart but your love is rage filled thing that you could never quite quell #(how do you fight a hurricane? how do you stop a tsunami? you can't. there's no outrunning the storm) #your love is a rage-filled thing and your love is strong and you would rather sacrifice yourself on a spit then be buried above their bones #and how fucking dare anyone try to threaten that #and now you are covered in someone else's blood and you are not Good (you never were you never were) and it's all you can do not to scream #(i can be Good i can be Good you say but the words are lies because you are a storm and who has ever looked to a storm as Good) #happy talks pjo