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the-last-cuddlebender · 4 years

Note

I straight up check your profile daily for the southern raiders analysis you’re working on. 👀👀 where IS IT 😩

bRUH I am so excited to drop this analysis you have no idea (It’s creeping up to 22k+ I am gonna cryyyyyyyyyyyy). The only problem is that my TSR analysis and “Moon theory” are so incredibly hard to structure and articulate. I’m happy you’re so excited for it, though!!! Truly, it’s an honor. I’ll give you a taste of my madness and what’s to come, but be warned: it may be a bit hard to follow because TSR (from how I’ve come to understand it) is about the vagueness of beginnings, endings, and cycles, so there isn’t really a starting point for me to begin with. (So it may seem a tad bit like a ramble in some points that I haven’t fleshed out yet/am summarizing for this ask)

This analysis has me on trails like THIS brilliant nonsense, and I am 1000000000% here for it:

Roku: “The spirit's name is Koh, but he is very dangerous. They call him The Face Stealer.”

Katara: “We’re going to find the man who took my mother from me.”...“That’s him. That’s the monster.”

Lion Turtle: “To bend another's energy, your own spirit must be unbendable, or you will be corrupted and destroyed.”

Roku: “When you speak with him, you must be very careful to show no emotion at all. Not the slightest expression, or he will steal your face.”

Hama: “Congratulations, Katara. You’re a bloodbender.”

(If Katara had killed Yon Rha, she would be giving up her identity--her face. Not only would she have become a killer, but she would be killing what made her Katara)

Aang: “Let your anger out, and then let it go. Forgive him.”

Forgive him--approach him for what he is, not the faces your memories or your heart are having him wear. See him for the pathetic man he is in that moment right in front of you.

Aang’s forgiveness is seeing someone for the sum of their parts. It’s judging them and seeing through into their very soul, just like the Firebending Masters saw through Zuko being the Crown Prince and Aang being the Avatar. That meant nothing to the Masters. What did matter to them was who the boys were right there, right then, right in front of them.

“Why should I hold a grudge against you for something you did in a past life? After all, you’re a different person, now. You’ve come to me with a new face.”

But anyways...

If I can give no other take-away from my analysis and moon theory, it’s that Yin and Yang are not two entities; they are three. I think the fandom’s misunderstanding of it may be why the discourse on TSR (and Aang, Katara, and Zuko) is so black and white (pun intended lol).

“But Yin and Yang are obviously two things. Don’t you know the symbol?” I hear some people already saying.

Wrong, sir.

It has never been just Yin and Yang. Yin and Yang have never existed as just two things.

They are Yin and Yang and Wu Wei.

(Aunt Wu has her name for a reason, and she has the mark of the wise in her hair for a reason, too...AND she is at odds with Sokka in The Fortuneteller for a reason, too!!!...but that’s for the analysis😉)

Balance isn’t good triumphing over evil. Balance is good and evil. Balance is standing on the flow between two opposites--it’s the compliment that connects them. (The koi fish live in an oasis for a reason.)

I’ll explain what Wu Wei is later in the full analysis (like many things in here), but here’s some of my evidences and proofs for the “Yin Yang trio”:

The Tibetan “Wheel of Dharma”

(I’ll also explain the Wheel and Dharma and etc. later because it has everything to do with Koh and the moon) Long story short, the wheel and its spokes are representative of the 8 steps to enlightenment and the cycle of rebirth.

Look at the hub of the wheel. It’s a swirl made of 3 parts.

It is also a white lotus

Here’s the colored version of the wheel (as an alter):

Recognize the colors?

BLUE, WHITE (or gold, depending), & RED

These are the “THREE TREASURES” OR JEWELS.

They symbolize DHARMA, BUDDHA, & SANGHA respectively.

KATARA, AANG, & ZUKO

water, air, & fire

T H R E E

Bato: “Ice dodging is a ceremonial test of wisdom, bravery, and trust.

Bato: “The spirits of water bear witness to these marks...”

Why does Bato say spirit(s) plural? The Ocean and the Moon are only two spirits. The Ocean can’t be two things. Right?

WRONG

Yue: “The legends say the Moon was the first waterbender. Our ancestors saw how it pushed and pulled the tides and learned how to do it themselves.”

The Moon--singular. The Tides--plural (push and pull)

Lion Turtle: “In the era before the Avatar, we bent not the elements, but the energy within our senses.”

The moon pushing and pulling the tide is the moon bending the energy of its world.

Katara finding balance between “being too weak to do it” or “strong enough not to” is her bending the energy within herself.

It’s two solutions written as a question but said as a statement.

Yue: “Our ancestors saw how it pushed and pulled the tides and learned how to do it themselves”

THE SOUTHERN RAIDERS IS ABOUT AANG AND ZUKO LEARNING FROM KATARA. Katara had already learned from Aang and Zuko all leading up to TSR. That was her studying. TSR was her test.

TSR is Zuko’s and Aang’s studying. Sozin’s Comet is their test.

Bato: “For Sokka, the Mark of the Wise. The same mark your father earned. For Katara, the Mark of the Brave. Your courage inspires us. And for Aang, the Mark of the Trusted. You are now an honorary member of the Water Tribe.”

Aang - Wise (”you’re pretty wise for a kid”)

Katara - Brave (the same mark her mother earned)

Zuko - Trusted (”I was the first person to trust you”)

Sokka - Bato ("I am to have no part in this--you pass or fail on your own.”)

Yin and Yang are nothing without their dance. The Avatar and the Firelord mean nothing if they don’t have a world to rebuild.

The valley means nothing if there isn’t anyone to live in it.

Fighting is useless if there isn’t someone to fight for, otherwise it is “selfish and stupid”

Katara had to have a reason to return from Yon Rha. She needed to have Aang waiting for her. If she didn’t have a reason to stay, then she wouldn’t have a reason to go.

To have a reason to sleep, a person has to have a reason to wake up.

Katara: “Aang. He just took his glider and disappeared. He has this ridiculous notion that he has to save the world alone; that it's all his responsibility.”

Hakoda: “Maybe that's his way of being brave.”

(Bato: “For Katara, the Mark of the Brave. Your courage inspires us.”)

Katara: “It's not brave! It's selfish and stupid! We could be helping him! And I know the world needs him, but doesn't he know how much we need him, too? How can he just leave us behind?!”

(It was, in fact, not easy for Aang to ‘do nothing’)

Katara: “I understand why you left. I really do, and I know that you had to go, so why do I still feel this way? I'm so sad and angry...and hurt.”

Hakoda: “I love you more than anything. You and your brother are my entire world. I thought about you every day when I was gone, and every night when I went to sleep, I would lie awake missing you so much it would ache.”

(AND YUE IS ONE OF THE ONES TO SAVE AANG IN THE OCEAN FOR A REASON)

Thinking and missing: a matter of mind (who) and heart (want).

Iroh: “Who are you? And what do you want?”

Sokka: “We need to go back. I wanna see Dad, but helping Aang is where we're needed the most.”

Mai: “I love Zuko more than I fear you.”

BUT YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT THE MOON FOR A HOT SECOND???

I’LL TELL YOU ABOUT THE MOON

I’LL TELL YOU ABOUT 2 MOONS

OH REALLY???

OH REALLY, ZUKO

A FEW HOURS YOU SAY?

THEN TELL ME, ZUKO

WHY IS THE SUN GOING UP

WHEN IT IS THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT A FEW HOURS LATER

AND KATARA IS SLEEPING SO YOU CAN’T TELL ME IT’S BECAUSE YOU RISE WITH THE SUN OTHERWISE SHE’D BE WIDE AWAKE DURING THE FULL MOON THAT SHE USES TO BLOODBEND NOT EVEN TWO MINUTES LATER

THIS, MY FRIENDS, IS A HARVEST MOON

WHICH IS THE LAST FULL MOON OF THE SUMMER

(and looks off color when it rises/falls because of the angle of the rise/fall in the atmosphere...it’s normal once overhead)

AND SYMOLIZES HISTORY REPEATING ITSELF

“We’re going to find the MAN who took my mother from me.”

“That’s him. That’s the MONSTER.”

8 spokes on the wheel

Katara was 8 when Kya was killed

8 steps to enlightenment (the “Eightfold Path”)

8 phases of the moon

8 faces of Koh

“One of your previous incarnations tried to slay me! Be it 8 or 9 hundred years ago” (but time is an illusion, so hundreds mean nothing)

THE OTHER TWO MOONS THAT ARE CONSUMING MY EVERY WAKING MOMENT???:

1.) The WOLF MOON--the first full moon of the new year (a love between the wolf and the moon in the harshest winters...connection is kindof obvious lmao)

2.) THE THUNDER MOON

The Thunder Moon is the full moon of July. It is also known as the Buck Moon--for when young buck regrow their antlers.

Yue: “My hair turned white.”

Zuko: *cuts and re-grows his hair*

Aang: “I have hair?”

The Thunder Moon--the full moon of July--is also the beginning of a certain Buddhist holiday.

DHARMA DAY

WHICH CELEBRATES THE BEGINING OF BUDDHISM AND THE FIRST OF THE 8 STEPS (the first spoke of the Dharma Wheel) TOWARDS ENLIGHTENMENT

AVATAR IS ALL ABOUT CYCLES

THE SOUTHERN RAIDERS IS ALL ABOUT BREAKING THEM

I haven’t even touched Jung, Koh, Hinduism, and Buddhism yet

or the fact that Katara and Kya are the only characters in the entire series to wear moons on their clothing and that, together, they form an actual lunar phenomenon

or why the spirit oasis isn’t a complete circle

or the fact that this thing that Aang is told to chase is just like Whaletail Island:

or how important the Great Divide and the Solstice are

AND I’M JUST GETTING STARTED

BECAUSE EVERYTHING IN THE SOUTHERN RAIDERS--RIGHT DOWN TO THE SOUND DESIGN--IS ABSOLUTELY MONUMENTAL IN UNDERSTANDING THE SHOW, ITS MESSAGE, ENERGYBENDING, AND LITERALLY EVERYTHING ELSE

TLDR: Idk how the heck I’m going to arrange or articulate this analysis because it is WILD. Be warned: There is literally no exact beginning and ending to this analysis because the whole point of Yin and Yang is that is has no beginning or ending (...kindof...), so you’ll have to bear with me once I’m done editing it into something that’s somewhat coherent.

These are just SOME of the things I’ve been able to answer with my moon theory and analysis of The Southern Raiders as it currently stands:

Why “letting go” isn’t really letting go (as we understand it...see: Aang’s confrontation with Koh)

Why Lake Laogai and the Spirit World are symbolically the same thing.

Zuko’s advice to the bullfrog is actually a summary of the show, energybending, the origin of bending, and the definition of Aang’s “forgiveness” I stg

Why “Sokka’s instincts” are the reason Katara yells at Sokka

Believe it or not, every time Katara mentions her mother, it is at specific times for specific reasons.

^^^same thing for the moon, lack of moon, moon positioning, etc.

Katara’s mother’s necklace is more important than we realize.

Who the faces of Koh are and WHY they are there.

The true meaning of Jet’s sacrifice.

Why Jet’s episode about the dam explains the entirety of TSR as it pertains to Katara (all the way down to the little girl who runs to get her doll after the dam breaks)

Why Katara actually DID forgive Yon Rha, and the fact that she doesn’t even know it is proof that she did

^^^^^Aang’s definition of forgiveness is completely misunderstood by the fandom, and the way he “forgives” is sososo much deeper than “moving on”, and it is DEFINATELY by no means “doing nothing” or “excusing” past actions.

The importance of lightning, Zuko, Aang, and Katara.

The absolutely monumental and not nearly talked about importance of Jeong-Jeong like holy crap.

How Katara and Azula are just as much of a Yin and Yang as Zuko and Aang but not in the way we think they are

Why Koh has the Blue Spirit’s face

Why Koh DOESN’T have the Painted Lady’s face.

Who Ni-Ni from Katara’s campfire story in The Puppetmaster is

How and why Iroh was able to learn firebending from the Masters even though he didn’t have a partner.

How/Why Azula had her breakdown and why she saw her mother in the mirror

Why “Leaves from the Vine” and “Four Seasons” are the same song, explain Azula’s downfall, and explain the Yin and Yang of TSR.

Why Katara and Sokka are so often mistaken for parental figures.

Why Aang’s flashbacks to the Air Nomads are so important in understanding TSR.

Why Toph and Suki disappear after the campfire in TSR.

How Hakoda, Gyatso, and Kya are all connected.

Why it is so dang important that Azula shows up in the beginning of TSR.

The importance of the Spirit Oasis.

Energybending, healing with waterbending, Aang’s trauma, and Zuko’s scar.

Why Zuko gives Katara the exact opposite advise in TSR that he gave her in the catacombs.

How everything could be predicted and read by the moon.

WHY YIN AND YANG ARE THREE THINGS AND HAVE ALWAYS BEEN THREE THINGS.

HOW ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL OF THIS TIES BACK TO THE MOON AND BUDDHIST BELIEFS--AND YEAH THE MOON AND BUDDHISM AND HINDUISM ARE MORE CONNECTED IN ATLA THAN YOU CAN IMAGINE.

AND HOW IT LEADS INTO OUR MODERN UNDERSTANDING OF THE SELF--BECAUSE JUNG TOOK GREAT INFLUENCE IN HIS DEVELOPING THEORY OF THE CONSCIOUS AND THE SUBCONSCIOUS FROM THE HINDU/BUDDHIST RELIGIONS

^^^^AND ALSO THE THEORY OF THE SHADOW AND THE PERSONA

The ocean is a deep, dark, unknown place with a lot of hidden monsters (like Yon Rah). Katara needed a light to find her monster, but she also needed somewhere she could breathe when she came back up for air.

If she didn’t have both Zuko and Aang, Katara would have drowned.

I wasn’t kidding when I said this was a thesis, and what I’ve said and listed here isn’t even all that I have.

btw This all does line up on the traditional Yin Yang symbol we know and see in the show, but I don’t have enough space here for that lmao. That’ll be in the analysis

I hope you enjoyed this little taste, my friend, because I need to sit down for a hot second before my brain leaks out of my ears. Sorry for the ramble. I promise the analysis isn’t like this lol. This is just me trying to summarize as best as I can.

***Disclaimer: My points are always subject to change since I am still researching. These are the facts as I’ve found and applied them to the evidences I’ve noted from in the show. I’m always open for friendly discussion or any directions to better sources on Buddhism/Tao/Jung!***

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cupofkey · 4 years

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Bit of a random question but do you think there was more than one personification of Vietnam? I think (based on reading a couple wiki pages) that there was a whole thing with north and south kingdoms even before the Vietnam war so idk.. plus a lot of south ocs for the Vietnam war itself..... idk just like to hear your thoughts

ok whoa this is gonna be LONG. I want to fully explain the history so maybe people can get a better understanding of the whole thing, since I feel most people just don’t really know much about our history or believe in misinformation. gonna throw in a fair amount of personal thoughts too. so I’ll do that rather than only stating my hcs and opinions without context... so yeah big long response under the cut.

but thank you for asking! this is like... a very personally relevant topic to me? I myself am not a scholar of Vietnamese history and politics or anything, but I grew up in a family of them, along with generally being a Vietnamese-American person and a child of refugees, and so this stuff has always been really important to me. I’m gonna discuss 3 facets of the questions about who Vietnam is and who she represents:

1. pre-1700s Vietnamese history, stretching back through the times of pre-Chinese domination

2. colonial and 20th century Viet history, including the Vietnam War

3. not directly related to your question, but I think it’s relevant to the central concept of “who is Vietnam”: Vietnamese diaspora and my general thoughts on nationhood/representation

also cw for like. war and colonization and turmoil. anyways here’s the history plus my thoughts, feelings, and opinions.

1. pre-1700s Vietnam

origins of the Vietnamese people

I’ve mentioned this before, but I hc Vietnam (who I’ll just be calling Linh throughout this to refer to the character, for clarity’s sake) as a northerner. this is because the ancient Vietnamese people were a group of tribes (Yue, Nanyue) who lived across southern China and northern Vietnam, specifically around the Red River and its delta, where modern-day Hanoi sits. the modern Vietnamese Kinh ethnic group (~85%) are descended from them.

the Cham people (who are now an ethnic minority) controlled the central to south part of the country for over a thousand years— however, their culture is completely different. they were seafarers arriving from Borneo (Malaysia), and like many other Southeast Asian civilizations, adopted many aspects of Indian culture from language and religion to architecture and law. their kingdom, Champa, was very much ethnically, genetically, and culturally separated from the Vietnamese of the north until the 18th century.

What Actually Happened during this period (~250BCE - ~1650 CE)

several kingdoms and dynasties existed in that area around the Red River delta starting in the 3rd century BCE. however, Han-dynasty China invaded the area known as Nam Việt/Nanyue in 111 BCE and thus began a millennia of Chinese domination. this period was interspersed with various revolts, independent kingdoms, and constant clashes between the Vietnamese and their Chinese conquerors. many of our folk heroes are folk heroes because they said “fuck you” to the Chinese back in these days, including the famous Trung sisters.

Vietnam was very powerful and stable once it gained independence in 939 CE and established its first dynasty. this soon becomes the kingdom of Đại Việt in 968, which lasts until the 1800s. thus, this is the name Linh has been under for the most time across her life. you have to remember, though, that Nam Viet and later Dai Viet still only covered that north/central area of modern-day Vietnam at first!

Champa (green) was founded a few centuries after that pre-China period in the north, in the year 192 CE. it quickly absorbed Indic influences from its neighbors (such as the state of Funan, which was centered even further south on the Mekong Delta. religious influences included Hinduism and Islam.) the kingdom reached its peak through the 7th-10th centuries, although it gradually declined and was eventually completely taken apart by several events. notably: a war with the Vietnamese in the 15th century which they lost very badly, Dai Viet’s gradual southward expansion beginning in the 11th century, and annexations of their remaining principalities ending in the 17th century. thus, the ethnic Vietnamese eventually took over the full area we now know as Vietnam.

ok, so what about hetalia?

to answer your first question: no, I don’t personally hc there being more than one “Vietnamese” personification during this time. The Cham people as previously stated were one of several groups living in what’s now South Vietnam; however, they are very different in many ways, and so I don’t consider the personification of Champa to be Vietnamese. (this is unlike how North and South Korea are both Koreans.)

I do think there was a personification of Champa-- is, really, since the Cham people are one of the most significant ethnic minorities in Vietnam-Laos-Cambodia. whoever they are, they probably live in Cambodia, since their population is largest there (there was a large migration after the dissolving of Champa to neighboring areas).

I’ve mentioned this, but I headcanon that personifications represent their peoples and cultures as a whole rather than specific pieces of political leadership. for example, several power splits occurred during this time (can google Mac/Le dynasties or Trinh/Nguyen lords, where the country was divided by different ruling families) but I would personally consider Linh representing both sides of that.

2. colonial to 20th century Vietnam

French Indochina

I won’t go into too many details here, but basically the French split Vietnam into 3 colonies: Tonkin, the north; Annam, the central region; and Cochinchina, the south; each one had a slightly different status under French governance. Laos and Cambodia were later incorporated. throughout this period, the Vietnamese people were continuously revolting for independence. this nationalism sparked movements moving away from royalism/regressive goals and toward modernization and radicalization, and of course all of it was cracked down on by the French.

after Japan’s ruinous takeover of Indochina at the end of WWII and the abdication of the last Vietnamese emperor (essentially a French puppet), the French tried to reassert themselves, but a new group called the Việt Minh stood in their way. (this group was led by Ho Chi Minh, and had been formed as an anti-Japanese/French group composed of north-central Communists and Viet-nationalists. they had received some support from the US during WWII as well, and are the foundation for the current Vietnamese government today.)

the first and second Indochina Wars

the conflict between the Viet Minh and France/America/a state created by France called the State of Vietnam is referred to as the First Indochina War, and it mostly took place in the north (fka Tonkin). the Viet Minh eventually won the war. an agreement was reached with France to have the Viet Minh take the northern half of the country from the line of the 17th parallel to create North Vietnam, and the State of Vietnam would cover the southern half.

later known as South Vietnam or the Republic (of Vietnam), this state was backed by the US and was led by the infamous Ngô Đình Diệm, and lots of crazy shit happened on both sides. once again won’t go into it bc you can just google, but basically things were not going well and the conflict was not over by a long shot. millions fled the North for the South to escape Communist persecution.

starting in 1956, a group called the Việt Cộng, a group of armed communists, initiated a guerilla war to overthrow South Vietnam and “unite” Vietnam. this, of course, is the Second Indochina War, better known in the US as the Vietnam War, and was fought between North and South Vietnam. as time went by, the Viet Cong were boosted then essentially replaced by North Vietnamese troops (like, from the government, since the guerilla warfare was overlapped by more conventional tactics and they needed help.) the North was backed by the USSR, PRC, and Laotian/Khmer communists; the South was backed by the US, South Korea, and several others. by 1973, the US withdrew completely, and in 1975 Saigon (the capital of South Vietnam) was captured. this marked the end of the war, and the beginning of “reunification.”

personifying South Vietnam?

clearly, there was an incredible amount of turmoil and violence and complexity within these wars. I’ve given the briefest of rundowns, and hopefully it’s even somewhat adequate to express just how bad things were, to show just how serious this all is, and just how little of it I can capture in my own musings about country people.

that being said. do I think there were separate North/South personifications during this time?

my answer is... no. for several reasons: firstly, as previously stated, there has never really been a South Vietnam Personification in my view, and there’s not much of a historical precedent for it. the divide only seriously began when the French split the country, which tbf is a long time, but idk if it would affect Linh herself seeing how old she is. after all, South Vietnam only really existed as an independent state for about 20 years.

secondly, north and south have different cultures for sure, but I don’t believe they’re culturally different enough to warrant separate personifications. government wise is a different story, but culturally Vietnamese people don’t have a large divide, and most of us consider ourselves Vietnamese at the core, not South Vietnamese or North Vietnamese. will discuss exceptions in a second.

thirdly, this war is often seen as a civil war, and I’m of the personal hc (maybe inspired by (un)civil, tbh!) that if nations have different “manifestations” of the belligerents, they don’t have separate bodies. basically what I mean is I think both “North Vietnam” and “South Vietnam” were separate concepts, sure, but they both existed at the same time in Linh’s body. does that make sense? I hope it does.

thus, my opinion is that there wasn’t a South Vietnam personification, but rather as Vietnam began to fragment ideologically in the 1930s (with those revolts against the French), more and more internal conflict built up in Linh’s body.

(and it’s not like that went away come 1975; no, I’d argue it became even worse. one must understand that there wasn’t just a north-south conflict in the realm of politics. this was a government-people conflict, too. if you look up land reform in North Vietnam, re-education camps, you’ll see what I mean. so I do think there was a lot of internal conflict for Linh throughout this whole period, just for many, many more reasons than is usually portrayed.)

3. who is Vietnam today?

well, it’s time for me to give my completely unsolicited opinions and thoughts even harder!

Vietnamese diaspora

this is a question I’ve been thinking about for a very long time, as a member of this very diaspora. does Linh represent her diaspora, too? do nations claim their diasporas? there are about 4.5 million overseas Vietnamese, with about half in the US, and that’s not a small number. so does Linh represent these people at all? especially if they were born in Vietnam and then moved, does she still represent them, or does someone else like Alfred? what about their children? is it about birth, even? residency, citizenship? self-identification? or just being inside the border?

the Viet diaspora also kind of throws a wrench into things because many of them are ardently nationalist, but specifically South Vietnamese nationalist. in places like France it’s more divided, but Viet-Americans especially are generally very antagonistic toward North Vietnam / the current Vietnamese government, as they literally left the country because of the regime. so do their nationalistic beliefs in the Republic create a personification? is this justification for some kind of cultural basis for a South Vietnam? I don’t think so, because at the end of the day it’s all for the sake of Vietnam period, not north or south. there are some northerners like this too. people aren’t monoliths. but...

really, just lots of questions. I don’t really have answers, honestly. I can throw out my personal feelings and thoughts, but it’s just hard to say, and I don’t think I’ll ever really have The Answers.

(( in my heart of hearts, though, I’d like to think... individuals and groups can be represented by many nations. I want to think they can feel anyone who considers themselves a part of that group, feel their pains and joys just as much as they do for their born-and-bred citizens. I like the idea of Linh deeply understanding her diaspora, because she was there when they were still a part of her, and she knows why they had to leave. and I think Alfred understands all the people living with him, and he ardently wants to make them welcome. I think he knows the dread of being alone, lost, without a home or family, looking to blaze a new trail, make a new home, find new comfort when everything else is lost... ))

a little bit about me

Viet-American. refugee family from both the North and South. literally all of the events I’ve mentioned, my family has been a direct part of somehow. I have direct relatives who were killed by the French, starved during the Japanese occupation, killed by North Vietnamese government efforts like land reform, killed by American bombs and Viet Cong, put into re-education camps, fled Vietnam by boat, plane, foot. I don’t think there’s a single Vietnamese person today who hasn’t been affected somehow.

I’m not trying to write a sob story, just letting you know. I’m not pity-fishing, because that’s not what this needs, anyway. just showing that things are really complicated, and painfully shitty, and crazy, and just plain weird. Vietnamese nationalism is a really complicated topic in general due to all the conflicting pressures from all levels of society and so I hope you can see that a little better. I hope this was enlightening in some way!

because I don’t think we see the Vietnamese perspective enough on everything that happened in the 20th century. it’s always the American, or French, or Chinese, but not ours... when it’s our story. so I hope I could tell it, maybe do it a bit of justice, who knows.

final words

writing this has really made me think about this one song. it’s called Gia Tài Của Mẹ, “A Mother’s Legacy”. here’s the lyrics+translation.

it’s very typical patriotic South Vietnamese music, by the poet Trịnh Công Sơn and sung by the singer Khánh Ly. many of Trinh Cong Son’s songs directly address the Vietnamese identity and collective trauma from the events of the 20th century. my dad used to sing them around the house all the time, play CDs, the first songs I learned on the guitar were TCS’s... I think they’re a really key part of thinking about the Southern Vietnamese identity, and this song especially touches on a lot of the history and emotions I addressed.

so go give it a listen, or look at the lyrics. I think it really covers this topic nicely. and let me know if I should talk more about these songs, because I think lots of them are really relevant to my thoughts...

ah, my thoughts, completely unasked for, but thank you for opening the door! please let me know what you think, if you learned anything, if you want to hear more specifically hetalia stuff abt Vietnam, idk, I would really like to hear from anyone reading this period. I also put a lot of time into putting this together dkfjsdkfj so yea any interaction is appreciated. this is something really important to me, I guess is what I’m trying to say. and if you made it this far I’m sending you lots of love, thank you <3

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187days · 2 years

Text

Day One Hundred Twenty

A conversation between some of the boys in my Block 4 class and I on the subject of the pandemic:

Student A: School just feels like school again, you know? Student B: Yeah. Like, it was strange when we could first take our masks off, but now it’s not. Miss M, do you think it’s not strange now, too? Me: Yeah, I don’t reach for my mask after lunch anymore. Student B: Oh yeah, we all got used to doing that. Student A: But now it’s like none of the Covid stuff ever happened. Me: But it did happen, so I'm glad we’re all okay. Student B: Me, too. A lot of people weren’t.

Another time, I might quibble about the past tense, but I get it; the pandemic really does feel like it’s over here (no restrictions, no cases). And I prefer to focus on the empathy that was evident at the end of that conversation because sometimes that’s very lacking in the discourse.

The kids are alright, though.

On another note, my Block 2 boys, who are friends with my Block 4 boys, noticed there’s a marked difference in their experiences in my classroom. My Block 4 class often goes on walks or plays games, and a lot of the students like to work out in the hallway... and none of that happens Block 2, so those boys asked me why. I said it’s because they’re not using their class time as effectively (read as: they’re disruptive during lessons and attempt every work avoidance strategy known to mankind, especially if they’re supposed to be reading), and that if they changed their behavior I would change mine.

They held me to it. They were more quiet and focused than they’d ever been, the lesson (on ways in which Hinduism impacts other aspects of culture- ie, wedding and funeral traditions, food, clothing....) went really well, and after we’d discussed what they’d learned (through some readings and video clips) I took them outside to walk around and soak up some sunshine.

Another lesson learned besides the course content one? Potentially! We’ll see if the improved behavior continues.

I have a couple of students in my GOV class whose families are Hindu, and they saw on my agenda board that discussing wedding traditions was part of my World lesson, and they asked if my (mostly White and Christian) ninth graders thought Hindu weddings were cool. I said yes, and one of them said, “Tell them they’re only cool once. Then it’s just, ‘Oh no, another wedding?’” His classmates thought that was pretty funny.

My actual GOV lesson was about campaigns and elections. Really, it’s a refresher since we’ve discussed both congressional and presidential campaigns before. I gave students a set of questions to answer (things like what are the constitutional requirements to hold various offices, what’s the difference between a primary and a caucus, when is election day, how does the electoral college work), told them they could use past notes, textbooks, Google, whatever. We watched the Crash Course episode on political campaigns, too, because that discusses the fact that they involve a lot of money and my next lesson is on campaign finance. That one will be fun.

Also, some unexpectedly awesome things happened today. First, I got a really nice email from a parent because her son had received one of my “caught doing something good” cards (they’re a school tradition, we all wrote a few at our last faculty meeting) and she was really happy about that. Second, we got free breakfast and lunch! A family treated the whole staff because they were so grateful for everything we’d done over the past two years. That was such a sweet surprise.

So, all in all? Today was a really good day.

#teaching #teachblr #teacher #edublr #educhums #education #high school #social studies #so much joy #day one hundred twenty #crash course government #conversations about current events

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golden-loralite · 3 years

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Devdan Theory (Eight’s Origins)

The other day, I was thinking about how we know so little about Eight’s past other than what he tells us in The Rise of Nine and The Fall of Five. Pittacus Lore also published a SUPER short (11 page) story based on Eight’s background, but that doesn’t exactly give us any new information. Honestly, It was a shame that Eight didn’t really get a point of view or a lost file because I feel his past remains the most unknown (out of the known garde).

One of the top mysteries of eight’s past is definitely Devdan. Eight meets Devdan in “Eight’s Origins” and later tells us that Devdan somehow knew he had legacies without Eight even hinting at it. We also find out that Devdan trained Eight to use his legacies (which is odd considering devdan is supposedly human). He then magically disappears one day, and Eight never sees him again.

I was a bit surprised that this loose end wasn’t tied anywhere in the series, and I just couldn’t stop thinking about it. What’s the deal with Devdan, how the heck did he know about Eight’s legacies, and why did he disappear?

So, I have a theory: Devdan is one of the Loric Elders

It sounds a little crazy at first, but when you think about it, it starts to make a lot of sense.

The whereabouts of the Loric Elders is largely unknown. In “Last Days of Lorien”we are told that the Elders left Lorien to prepare on earth before the Mogs invaded. We only find out what happened to 2/9 elders (Pittacus died on earth after telling Malcom everything, and Loridas perished in the Mog invasion after coming back to Lorien and putting a charm in the garde). This leaves SEVEN unknown Elders on Earth, meaning Devdan could be one of them. This explains why Devdan is able to recognize Eight’s legacies so quickly (and may even be the Elder Eight inherited his legacies from).

SIDE NOTE: I don’t think any of the elders were alive during the start of I Am Number Four, or else they may have made an appearance up in the series. What happened to them exactly is unpredictable considering how little information we are given.

My second piece of evidence revolves around the shared “vision” John and Eight have at the Beginning of The Rise of Nine. In the dream, Setrakas Ra chains up Sam while John tries to save him. We also see Eight in the same dream, but instead of Sam, he sees Devdan.

We know that in the beginning of the series, Ra has a magical item that allows him to transform to take the shape of other people. He might have used it to impersonate Sam and Devdan in the vision. How does Ra know what Devdan looks like; unless of course, he knew Devdan as an Elder back on Lorien. I feel like this is kind of a stretch though, because you could argue that Ra was able to see inside Eight’s mind and all, but it’s worth considering.

Lastly, the fact that Eight finds Devdan so close to a Loric Sanctuary is kind of a red flag. Maybe it’s pure coincidence, but considering how quickly Devdan noticed Eight, I think it’s safe to assume he knew about it. Furthermore, we know that the Loric Elders were greatly immersed in ancient culture. This could explain why Devdan was kind of huge on Hinduism.

But this leaves one more thing: Where did Devdan disappear off to? Honestly, I couldn’t come up with anything. He could have left to lure the mogs away from Eight, or he could have died (somehow). Maybe it was like what happened to Five’s cêpan, and he got sick? The author never really mentions Devdan again after The Rise of Nine, so it’s up for speculation.

wow. That was a super long post (if you’re still reading then you deserve a high five 🖐). I would love to hear your thoughts on this (whether, it’s an argument or an add-on).

Thank you for coming to my TED talk, and Happy New Year everyone! :)

#lorien legacies #i am number four #lorien #loric elders #loric garde #number eight #the rise of nine #the fall of five #pittacus lore #book theories #my thoughts #ya fiction

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ofcloudsandstars · 4 years

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Hey guys so here is my experience from last night lmaoo get ready cause it was unsurprisingly a hot mess full of white people microaggressions and me being alone as the only black person present having to deal with their spiritual charade shenanigans.

It's a bit long but it's a colorful description of the event and the experience taking ayahuasca, a wrap up of my own spiritual and magical journey and also a rant on the caucasity rampant in spirituality lol. A tl;dr is that it's sad that White People have to go across the world to take medicine from other people that have ceremonies revolving around it when.. we literally have our own stuff here that's like.. nearly the same vibe.. But more on that below.

So last night for the lions gate sun lining up with sirius star I was invited last minute to an ayahuasca ceremony in the edge of London kind of by Richmond park. The whole universe really opened up for me to do this Ceremony.

At first I was like I dunno I mean its hosted by wealthy white people right? Admission was £200 and I was like absolutely Not, not for a medicine taken far away from it's land and I dunno how the experience was going to be like, plus it was on a Saturday night until Sunday morning and I work in hospitality and if I couldn't get Tuesdays off to at least work in the garden center growing food and plants how would I get the full weekend off? Plus the ceremony was already full. Well without even ASKING, or really thinking much about it, for once in like.. 2 years working for this company I got the full weekend off?!?! The fuck!!!!! Like I literally had to go to my director to fight my manager to try to get off Tuesdays which are the QUIETEST day of the week for hospitality but I got the full weekend off on like one of the hottest summer weekends in England. My friend co-hosting the ceremony called me to tell me that I wouldn't have to pay full admission and it was all donation to the tribe anyway (like suggested donation) anything I could give would be appreciated but I certainly did not have to pay the full fee. Then I was supposed to go to the beach with my friends in the morning but that all fell through due to unforeseen circumstances. I was thinking the beach trip would make me unable to go to the ceremony but it was just like.. cancelled the morning of lol. Lastly this guy dropped out last second so there was space for me.I was like damn it was like the Universe reshuffled itself for me many times to do this so like sure I will take this opportunity. Plus my friend in this group did work with the tribe in Brazil earlier this year and they are friends with them and do this to raise money so that they can sustain themselves better, like they are building solar panels for electricity, building chicken coups and trying to integrate little bits of modern society (like the electricity and water filtration parts, not like social media and capitalism lmao) into their lives. The last ceremony they did they raised like 2,000 pounds and this got the tribe a lot of food and funds to buy solar panels. So I was like ok this is also a good cause I always would love to help out indigenous people that protect the Earth.

Anyway there was a vibe about the way the Universe just opened itself up for this medicine that reminded me of Mushrooms. Like it's a strange thing but people that take mushrooms medicinally say it as well like it finds you when you need it. Last night I also got a great link to healing mushrooms as well and it was just the time to open myself up to that type of frequency I guess. For a while before it was a challenge to find for years I’ve been living here, but all of a sudden the universe was like: here you go! Anyway I was thrilled to work with this medicine and ground the lessons I've learned getting pinball tossed around the cosmos on DMT at the beginning of 2020 in January.

So yes I got to the edge of London and it was in some beautiful secret entrance building painted with murals of green jungle designs, A LOT of Indian spiritual symbolism everywhere, statues of Ganesha and other bejeweled paintings of Indian gods. It was beautiful but to be frank as much as I find Hinduism beautiful I never related much to it cause it's not my culture. What I mean by 'relate' is that there is this SEVERE obsession in white western cultures looking for spirituality in Hinduism and I never really got it. Like yes it's beautiful like many other nature-based spiritual religions but we are so far removed from the climate and nature of India like why are they so fascinated by it? Then.. there were some red flags...

Ok for starters I was the ONLY NOT-WHITE PERSON there. I think it bothered me more in this moment cause I just got off discussing with an incredible Earthy witch in NYC who changed my life who's trying to do work by providing a nature sanctuary garden for POC how nature is so inaccessible to us and it's gate-kept by wealthy white people. I could elaborate on that more later but this post will be long enough lol. But anyway, why is this medicine not accessible to POC? When it's something not even native to here either? So it's like deliberately not shared with us?

Then there were just some people's vibes like ooooh boy I dunno why but some people just felt cold towards me? Like I guess they were annoyed at me showing up last minute to their ceremony? But my friend was co-hosting it? Like if you trust my friends judgement you should have trusted her in inviting me like I am not some asshole. But they were like.. impatient with me I guess? Like 'oh you didn't bring a waterbottle?? Guess you gotta borrow one of ours.' like BITCH I don't know what to expect man the closest experience I had to this substance was DMT where it knocks you the fuck out of your body and your spirit gets catapulted into the cosmos like I didn't know I gotta bring shit, damn! And then there were some people I felt like I just didn't want to talk to. Like they already had this cold vibe towards me like they didn't think I was relatable cause I wasn't some white cosmic yoga hippie like them (sorry I am a black bog witch like leave me alone) but anyway the way they were talking about the medicine was kind of irking me too like, 'ooh can't wait to clear some stuff I just gotta clear it out you know?' I am like, Becky we gonna be vomiting into buckets like calm down.

AND THEN LASTLY oooh boy so when you do any psychedelic the space really matters right? My friend like.. assigns me this fucking (ooh boy just typing this story and reliving it I am already getting heated lmaooo) |CORNER| spot and what I mean by corner is that it is in the corner of the room but wedged between the fireplace so you are stuck between 3 tight walls and you can't fully lie down or stretch your legs. Everyone across the room could lie down but me. Then there are like vomit buckets and this white girls crystal grid blocking my path if I need to leave to use the toilet or even stretch my legs so already I am having a slight panic moment cause I hate being confined. In general, I tend to like to pick aisle seats on planes and stand on either corners by the door of the elevator cause I fucking hate being confined. So I say something immediately like: ok well can I change spots? I am worried about being blocked. Can I sit there? 'no someone is there.' There? 'no' etc. So I am just like omg I am going to have to deal with it and some people are getting a bit fussy that I am trying to demand better treatment, so I am leaving it. They at least move the pile of vomit buckets out my way lol. But these white women next to me have also taken ALL OF THE NICE fucking pillows to make themselves super comfortable pillow chairs like one for their ass and back against the wall and they were like: oh no you'll need a pillow too! (Cause the ceremony is 12 hours long throughout the night like 9 to 9) and I was like yeah... and they were like: oh no there is no more!! But like CLEARLY all of the nice cushiony things were not evenly distributed across the room and the few people who did not get some nice cushions at least had space to stretch their legs. I didn't really say anything cause obviously these two white women had like pillow thrones happening next to me and this woman literally said with a pouty face: Aww, now I feel bad cause I have two nice pillows! BITCH, WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY?!?!?! Fucking christ. See?? SEE IT's shit like THIS that make POC hate that kind of white guilt shenanigans like, oh my god bitch either swallow your guilt in peace or give me a fucking pillow like you are trying to shift the position on to me to pressure you into giving me a pillow which you would either read as demanding or hope that I stay silent and be like: it's ok! so you can enjoy your comfort in peace and be free of your guilt. Like fuck off!!

Then there was this full time astrologer there who has some indigenous feather clip in her hair for some reason. She wanted to say a few things about what was going on with the planets. She was like: I love charting asteroids cause I feel like it's a representation of the divine feminine coming back! (I was going to be like: Me too! But the way she spoke about it was like.. not all of it is feminine? What do you mean?) she was talking about Medusa and eros conjunct in gemini right now and the myth of medusa being smited by aphrodite for being beautiful or whatever and I am thinking like I do not recall this myth cause it was Athena that turned her into the 'monster' to protect her wtf. And wanted to talk about mars retrograde that's not coming up for a while. So anyway I am like: Yeah! I love astrology too! All that you talked about was pretty cool but I also wanted to mention some big changes are coming up with Uranus going into retrograde a week from now!! :) and everyone just like.. disregarded what I said.. Like she was like: oh yeah.. that's just an outer planet.. OK BITCH like I am pretty sure Uranus, a big ass planet that has to do with revolution, freedom and change going retrograde until Autumn is much more noteworthy than some little asteroid who's myth and energy you've completely misinterpreted being conjunct with Eros. (Eros is moving into Cancer really soon too so the conjunction isn't even going to last that long). Plus I wanted to mention that it was nice that we were doing this ceremony on an Aries moon cause it's like the symbolic start of a cycle yet it's a disseminating moon so it's also like starting off a cycle by celebrating the fruits of our success. But no one really wanted to listen to me anymore though that energy did influence my trip.

Anyway there was a part of me that was pretty bummed that my best witch friend that I did DMT with could not have come as well cause there just was no more space. At least we are always on the same vibe with everything and we would have been laughing about the shadiness of it all or excited about what's to come but I felt pretty alone during this ceremony.

So it begins, I got my borrowed waterbottle, the smallest, thinnest and hardest pillow that no one wanted for my ass that hurt more to sit on then the thin yoga mat that was just as thick as a human mousepad and I am like: who knows I may be so out of it I won't notice my space as much. The woman leading this is someone who worked with my friend in the tribe in Brazil. She is Russian and got the feathers in her blonde whispy hair and shit I am like oh boy. She explains what work they were doing and the reason for the fundraiser like the details of what the tribe is building and how they are supporting themselves. Also the tribe that night were also doing an ayahuasca ceremony earlier to sync with us so that they can meet up in the Astral plane which is really beautiful. She also explained how they were surprised at westerners fascination with the medicine. Cause they are like: this is apart of everyday life and there are other healing plants in the amazon too. Like why do westerners have a fascination with this? It is a way to connect with the jungle and cleanse yourself and reset (once again I am making that connection to mushrooms I am like.. the vibe sounds oddly familiar), but they find westerners interest in it weird.

Ok so we start with some ceremonies to open up the space and create this 'fire spiral' altar in the middle of the room. They light the pillar candle and have a tea light for everyone in the room. We each go around to light our tea light in the spiral with our intention allowed. People go there and declare stuff like: I am free, I am aligned with my path, etc. I think about my intention for this trip and how it feels like another pillar of understanding in my journey to connect with my heart energy, love myself and be proud of my accomplishments cause I really came a long way. I was a bit afraid it was going to be another chaotic DMT experience but I just reminded myself that no matter how bad I felt everything was going to be ok cause I have people in this world that care about me. Even if I disappear somewhere or end up dead someone will come looking for me. And I know that sounds dramatic and morbid but at one point like 5 years ago I really did not have that. I was alone, lost and suicidal. I know what loneliness can do to people and it's nice all of the friends I pulled together in London who are creative diverse witches that all made great friends with each other as well through me and it's like we created this new found family that cares and supports each other. So I light my candle and say alloud: I am protected by love and reflect that in the things I create. Anyway the ceremony leader is like.. can I say something?? BITCH!!! HOOOOO MY GOD I should I have said NO but I was like, ok, she is the ceremony leader so I am like.. go ahead.. She was like: By saying you are protected by love that's implying you could be attacked.. (Like Why the fuck would you say this?? While I am lighting my candle?? You are putting negative energy towards my intention wtf) I was like no I meant it like.. I am supported by love. She is like: ah yeah that's better say that. She did not want to correct NONE OF THESE OTHER PEOPLE when they were saying 'I am free'? BITCH you could have had the same energy like: that's implying you could be enslaved. Anyway that irritated me into my trip. I took the ayahuasca from her and as I was feeling the effects I was feeling more and more adamant about my intentions.

I was thinking about the times when I was alone, when I was targeted and attacked by this stupid racist social group in college that made me feel unworthy of friendship and it was hard to make new friends until I was 21 cause it was a city college so most people hung out with their highschool friends until they were old enough to go out and drink so the first two years I was fucking lonely and the subject of like a lot of harassment when I did try to socialize in clubs and would run into those people there. It nuked my self esteem. Plus though I did so much finding friends magic it was really difficult finding friends that into the same things I was. Sometimes I felt like I was the only witch, the only person really into nature and magic. After college I did another spell and met this incredible witch that we synched so much (I have def wrote wild adventures with us together but she was also abusive cause at that point I still did not know how to establish my boundaries well) but I met other amazing witches in NYC but eventually we all moved. The incredible Earth witch who changed my life was the one who accidentally gave me shrooms that were like grown with love and intention that helped break down my mental barriers and help me take charge of my life and finally move out of my house I grew up in.. like completely out of the country and into England to start my life anew. In England I was successful in making a whole community of loving witch friends who really care about me and add to the ceremonies I host. I joined greenspaces to learn how to grow food and plants. I fucking STRUGGLED in my job getting my food in the door with bartending and slaving my way up until I have a cushy desk office job with healthcare. All in 2 years. I fucking hauled ass and created and manifested the life I always wanted when I was suicidal in NYC thinking that this reality was impossible. And every time I feel anxious I know that since I love and trust in myself that I will always protect myself and even if I was worried I have like a whole SET of magical badass witch friends who would help me at anything and I would do the same for them.

When my roommate was threatening to call the police on me back when lockdown happened (long story) one friend did some healing on her and she like completely came to her senses and apologized the next day which was wild considering that she's such a proud self-absorbed person and would never do that. She realized that she was acting super ugly and was like wow I don't want to be this person. (Also I was so close to cursing the shit out of her lol but we are cool now). Also I am going away to Italy for the first time to be with this gorgeous man who wants to take me around his hometown but I am only going cause another close witch friend just moved to the neighboring town and will check up on me. She made sure to call him without me even asking to look at his itinerary and include herself and her boyfriend in a night of drinks to check up on us lmaoo. She is such an Aries I love her. If anything would happen to me she would make sure I was safe and could stay with her if something went wrong. God I could go on about each friend, how they've helped me with confidence, healing, safety and just feeling loved, valued, accepted and less alone which is powerful in this society that thrives on people not valuing themselves and where pure unconditional love has seemed to have lost it's meaning. One thing I admire about trees so much is how when they grow together their roots intertwine underneath the ground so that they can support each other upright during winds and storms. They also send nutrients to each other and help each other grow. I feel like I made a network of trees with witch friends in London and I am proud of that when I didn't have that years ago when I was alone and actively hated by a group in college. (I mean about the group it was more like a dynamic where a guy who had control over the club wanted to shun me cause he just likes the power dynamic of picking someone to talk shit about like literally if it was not me it was going to be someone else. So one party cause I did have a crush on him, I told him as I was wasted I was into him but then later apologized when sober if he didn't feel the same way. Like it really wasn't a big deal, I was a flirty 19 year old, but it was fuel for him to once again redirect negative attention on someone cause he's someone who's insecure so he likes the power of getting others focus on people and crush them. The "mutual friends" kind of didn't care about what was going on. The reason why this dynamic worked is cause in a way everyone was a bit lonely and didn't value themselves so they were willing to do anything to fit into a toxic social circle to have access to a club room and drink underage on campus to feel included and didn't want to question who the witch hunt of the week was so they could feel like they were in the ‘in crowd’. It was pathetic when one of them would be the new target and they would come to me like: boohoo I know what it feels like. Bitch I do not care and I made new friends and moved on. Fucking cunts. -Another thing about being protected by love is like as a black woman even though I got some privileges being mixed and half European I still was subject to racism and I am still scared of hate crimes fueled by sexism and queerphobia but I have friends who will support me and understand and if anything happened to me people would care. Like yes some people in this world DO have things to fear about getting attacked cause we are not all privileged in society to not fear getting hurt Karen.

Anyway as the ayahuasca was kicking in I started getting a bit emotional cause I was thinking about people in the world that really deserve to be loved in this society that condemns us for loving ourselves which is the most important thing. I was crying thinking about black kids especially black girls trying to survive in this society or LGBT+ kids and how some people can't even have their existences respected. How people mock others for their gender identity but those people are in a constant battle with loving themselves cause I am sure at the end of the day they feel hopeless at times or giving up and have to fucking battle dysphoria and have to survive in a society that actively wants them dead and its really fucking upsetting like hooo them psychadelics were opening my heart and grief while this white woman across the room was doing some downward dog yoga shit into her bucket so she can wretch into it lmaoo..

When it started kicking in, boy omgg I felt SO GOOD but I was like.. This.. THIS (I got so mad when I realized this) THIS IS JUST FUCKING MUSHROOMS LIKE!!!!! !!! ! THIS VIBE IS SERIOUSLY JUST SHROOMS, THE JUNGLE EDITION™ like no wonder the tribes are like: what are white people on about? Cause if they all came with their pashmina scarves, harem pants and grinch-finger dreadlocks to my woodland for mushrooms, especially when there are so many magical plants as well but they are just focusing on this psychedelic when there's also like native medicines in every land I would be a bit confused too. Like we were drinking something that was the equivalent of mushroom tea but it made you vomit it back up eventually. Ohh my god lmaooo.

I felt so beautiful though. Some comparisons if you guys have done mushrooms: where as mushrooms make you feel these gentle pulsations like everything is breathing around you had has this gentle life breathing among everything like it's all connected (like the mycellium under a forest), ayahuasca makes you feel so sensual like everything is kind of just rolling like how the underside of waves look except the waves are large snakes. Like things start getting wavy the way snakes move but slow and sensually, think like the way a bellydancers hips can roll. It was a whole MOOD. Also with mushrooms when you close your eyes you can see these beautiful patterns bloom before your eyes like pastel art nouveau fractal patterns of tree roots, or clusters of bubbles you'd see looking at plant stems vascular bundles under a microscope or the web-like pattern you see in butterfly and dragonfly wings. With ayahuasca when you close your eyes you see like bright neon colored geometric shapes expanding like bismuth crystals, the patterns you see in indigenous textiles like triangles and cubes, sometimes they will lattice together and make beautiful neon snake-skins that gently slither together. If you've ever seen Miyazaki's/Studio Ghibli's castle in the sky it reminds me of that 'lost technology' metal blocks with runes and scriptures on it moving around. Sometimes you will be following this thread of cubes and they'd be moving around like in that scene and in this cavern of blocks you'd see this celestial-looking geometric crystaline being be revealed. It's very beautiful. Though mushrooms can make you purge, it really does not happen often. However with ayahuasca it's almost a guarantee you will vomit it back up.

So people are all wretching everywhere as the ceremony leader is singing some folk songs from the tribe to guide us through our journey. What's cool is that you kind of feel that purge coming towards the peak end of the trip like a kind of brown murky snake rising from the bottom of your body up like kundalini energy starting from the base of your spine bowels past your stomach up until it pokes from your throat opening up that passage way until you feel it in your head and you just release it all out into the bucket. Not really glam but it doesn't taste bad but then again being a bog witch I drink all sorts of murky plant teas so I am used to the flavor palate. (It's like a sweet in an aromatic way and reminds me of one of those chinese medicinal murky teas).

Also as I was realizing the similarities between this and shrooms I was like wow it's a shame that we aren't outside or somewhere with jungle plants at least to connect with that plant energy. Instead we are in this hindu spiritual retreat place but if we just did some shrooms we could have been out in the sunlight at richmond park hugging the massive ancient trees there and feeding the wild deer summer strawberries like instead I am fucking cramped in this corner vomiting into a bucket with this exotic medicine.

As my trip went on I was thinking more about my friends who care about me and support me and how much I loved them and I couldn't stop thinking about my best witch friend that I did DMT with whom I wish was there. Like we would at least have been laughing about this or vomiting together or she would be like: omg this would be such great play-write material. She is white passing but super self aware and would at least make sure that I felt ok and included in all of this. I took a moment to step out of the circle to text her about the details and the woman in the corner doing yoga and vomiting in her downward dog pose and she was cackling and of course since the medicine connects you to that heartspace I was like confessing how much I care about her and how much of a special friend she was to me and was tearing up but one of the ceremony leaders followed me outside and was like: no phones!! It's not good energy!! Omg?? Like sorry I forgot cellphones were the devil's energy, it's not like I am bored and scrolling through social media, I just wanted to connect with my best friend who makes me feel less alone thanks.. Anyway I went back after being scolded and tried to get comfortable in my cramped spot.

Some positive affirmations I did get through all this was that (bringing back the disseminating moon vibe) I was loved and should be really proud of how far I've come. I kept thinking about all the people I love and cared about and how I should express my love in little ways that will make them happy like celebrating love everyday to make sure that people can feel supported cause it was the themes of my DMT trip too but now it was clearer and more grounded. I also got messages that sometimes I tend to be too selfless and there will be a time that I will help others but I should prioritize myself first mostly cause when my cup is full or when I get to positions of power or comfort I can always share that with people I care about. It was a good conclusion to a half years effort cause this also reflected my Glastonbury trip back in November where this witch who read my tarot cards gave me the clearest reading of my life and told me that I would not do well if I did not confront my heart energy and the pain there that was still festering from the social experience at university. So the efforts I went through my friend giving me sound healing and the DMT trip and other stuff has really opened up my heart and helped me to connect with that energy and care about myself more. But there was the theme again of I really need to protect myself first. Sometimes when the white girl next to me was mercilessly wretching and wailing into her bucket I felt so emotional for her that I would fan her but I would get this loud voice in my head like: DID SHE EVEN ASK THAT OF YOU?? FAN YOURSELF IT'S HOT BITCH- SHE OK SHE GOT HER FUCKING PILLOW THRONE WHEN YOUR ASS IS ON THE HARD GROUND. After purging and trying to get comfortable in my corner I would get increasingly aware of the lack of space and how I was starting to feel claustrophobic and it was starting to fuck with me. Cause yeah I got mental health issues, but it's usually under wraps when I take care of myself like, good sleep, food and water but, I was getting sleep deprived since this was an all night ceremony, I wasn't able to eat food to fast before this, and now I can't even fucking lie down cause I was in a coffin of a corner on the hard ground. My muscles and knee joints were starting to hurt. People were so in the zone just like.. doing arm-trance dance shit or throwing up while the ceremony host was hollering some songs which no one understood the meaning to and I felt at that point it was too late to ask anyone to share their pillows. I was noticing as I was coming down from the sensual jungle slithering plane that I was in muscle and joint pain.

I was like: Ok it's fine, the night would go by quickly.. It was not going by quickly.. I remember once I was sneakily looking at my phone’s clock and it was 4:30AM. I was like ok just gotta get through this time will pass.. The ceremony leader was like intoning some frequency so loudly she was trying to channel some celestial dolphins and whales or some shit but it was so high pitched the crown of my head would be vibrating and at first it feels energizing and cool but since my head hasn't had anyplace comfortable to rest I got a tension migraine from placing it on the floor so I could feel the high pitch note like vibrating the pain in my head. Then she was doing individual healings (I also got skipped somehow in this), she would be like channeling the frequencies for each person and making sure they purged what they need to purge and they would wretch into the bucket some more as she was growling into their backs, the feathers stuck in her blonde hair, quivering as she growled, there was the yoga girl now crying releasing her purge again. Someone was sticking their legs into the air and waving them around cause of energy I guess. I am like ok ok time will pass quickly.. what time is it? *sneakily checks my phone again so I won't get yelled at* 4:32am

OH HELL NO. I am trying to calm myself down but like if you struggle with the mental health imbalance I was in the red zone. Like I have not eaten, my stomach is cleared with vomiting, I cannot sleep, I am CONFINED in this corner, unable to stretch my legs, I am in PAIN, I feel alone.. They go around offering everyone a cup again and I am like: fuck it let me take a second cup..

So I start feeling good again, I feel like a sensual snake like trying to slither across silk. (You know when snakes try to slither across silk but they cannot move across it? It's like that you are just slithering in place) but literally I also feel like a clearer message in my mind almost like the spirit of ayahuasca is communicating with me like: Hun.. babe.. You got your positive affirmations that it's your time to rest and celebrate all you're hard work but you need to remember that you gotta honor and take care of yourself as a part of self love and you being confined in this space is not an act of self love. Especially if you do decide to stay here longer your mood and health will drop so low that it will affect others healings so it's best for everyone if you try to go home early. Like I felt the spirit of that medicine actually encouraging me to leave. Like the fucking ayahuasca itself was like this environment isn’t healthy for you lmaoooo. And I think that's wild.. It's so wild that these white women are all like: We are going to connect with the cosmic dolphin frequencies, and the tribe in the amazon and the human race, but they CAN'T EVEN FUCKING CONNECT TO THE BLACK GIRL IN PAIN IN THE CORNER OF THE ROOM, like they can't even distribute their nice pillows, they can't even read that I need help. They SKIPPED me with the individual healing. They were so cold towards me. Fuck it! Even my friend's companion dog who was there noticed I was off. She would look at me with concern in her big eyes and apprehension cause she could feel my pain turning into mentally unstable anger. I was like aw man I am killing the dogs vibe right now but damn the dog noticed and even these white women didn't?! Like I dunno if they are that empathetically shut off or if they were deliberately ignoring me. lmao, Also I think maybe cause I vibe so much with plants and genuinely want to reforest some land some day maybe that's why I feel so at home in the ayahuasca high like the medicine was really comforting the second cup but it also was like: you cannot hide within my frequency to escape pain- cause obviously it's NOT a substance for escapism. Anything but. It was like: it's time to go home and take care of yourself. (Like you'd imagine being on the brink of a mental breakdown taking this stuff may push you over the edge but it was actually very loving, sensual and re-affirming again.)

So the ceremony leaders notice since it's 5AM that most people are comfortably asleep in their piles of pillows and stretched out legs and they are about to go to bed but I go up to my friend and am like: thank you for everything, I think I should go home now.. And the women leading it were all Surprised and Shocked! 'Oh my goodness?? She's leaving?! Going home? The event isn't over!' Mind you this is by Richmond park and I live in north London by Hampstead heath so yeah it is a mission. I also could not afford the £40 uber so I was willing to take the shady public sunday morning night bus home lmao (oh no she'll expose herself to all that heavy shady energies of public transit! 🙄). But I was like the amount of time the bus would take from me to go home is probably not as long as the way time was inching slowly within that space and me being in pain. So my friend walked me out and I was trying to be as loving and cheerful and grateful cause I honestly did not want to bring down anyone's vibe. She checked up on me as I was getting my things to make sure I had a healing experience. I tried to be a little honest in being like: It was beautiful, it reminded me of mushrooms but like from the jungle.. Honestly the reason why I am leaving is cause I am in physical pain and I don’t think I can stay in the corner any longer; and she was like: yeah well ceremony is never comfortable. HOOOOOO LAWDDD. Oooof.. Omg.. Like.. OOF firstly.. The ceremony leaders each had 3 stacks of like thick pillowy matts to sleep on which ONE Of them could have been given to me and like yeah I am sure ceremony is at least bearable when you have a fucking pillow throne and mattresses and not confined in a coffin of a corner spot unable to move your legs without knocking someone’s vomit bucket over. Jesus. I didn’t say anything. I just grabbed my shit and left. As soon as I was free on the other side of the gate I felt SO RELIEVED!!

It was so refreshing being outside on sunrise, free to stretch my legs. I could still feel the affect of the medicine as things would pass me by and I'd see like this stream of energy behind them it was really pretty and cool. Since it was London in Liminal Space Hours™, there were foxes everywhere leaving behind streams of soft light as they'd move around the empty streets. The bus was pretty chill other than this fucking creep of a man walking in this dark cloud and when he moved past me his stream of light was literally some ugly fluorescent hostile neon color I was like wow I can literally see your grimy frequency right now lmaoo. But whatever, anything was better than staying silent in that cramped corner to cater to white women's comfort.

Anyway I got home, got plenty of water, took care of myself and crashed on my super comfortable bed. It was a really good decision I made I could not imagine staying until 9 AM like it was not possible and I am grateful I honored myself in leaving early and listening to ayahuasca's reminder to do that as well.

So the conclusions I made:

White people as a modern cultural collective are fucking wild and can sometimes be a lost cause, cause we literally have medicine here that does similar stuff and more like flying ointments which can help you confront your shadow and fly to other planes but they just want to lose themselves in the mysteries of other peoples exotified cultures that still have traditions in tact to celebrate the nature around them cause white people are disconnected completely from the nature that they come from. (Also obviously to clarify I mean white people as the modern white supremacist culture, obviously not everyone individually cause I am friends with a lot of white witches here doing invaluable work connecting people back with the native land, plant medicines and traditions and many of them trying to save the Gaelic language and traditions that are still under threat and being killed off today).

Though ayahuasca can be more of a powerful cleanser than mushrooms, it's essentially the same frequency of plant medicine like the same vibe just connecting you to another land and there is a reason why indigenous people think white people are weird for over glorifying it when we have our own shit. If you are really curious about ayahuasca I mean mushrooms are good enough a job really and will better connect you to the woodlands that you may live in.

Most importantly I kind of understand the type of role I need to play and the path there isn't clear cut but it's important for me to keep spreading that message of love. Right now we live in a dark dank ass time line when the Earth is transiting some dark corner of the cosmos and everything is going through it's own nasty purge while we try to ascend to a new and better reality. However this new and better reality is really indifferent towards the existence of the human race or white supremacy so as the earth ascends and has it’s own purges, if people don't fucking get it together, especially white people, we are going to get taken out as the rest of the world thrives and glows up without us. It's so easy to fall into a spiral of self hate cause this shitty evil society we live in thrives on us not knowing how to honor ourselves and love ourselves. Even capitalism has twisted the idea of loving ourselves into something selfish or synonymous with splurging money to further empower stupid companies to give us quick highs from new purchases that will lose it's meaning and later pollute the earth.

On these trips a message I keep on getting is that love and life are synonymous. It's true and sad that there are many people brought into this world without love but what lets life thrive and what makes life worth living is love. And love is really that energy where we are grateful in our existence and the existence of our friends and those that support us and nature that supports us. But often what helps us understand that love is being able to support ourselves and do stuff that honors ourselves. And yes being loved IS a need, so it's important to seek out friends that validate you and that will love and support you and that you can do the same with them. If you find that network you will feel less alone and when you love yourself you will never feel alone and that in itself is true empowerment. When you have love in your life like that you can do anything and you will always feel safe. And I think that's why I was crying at the beginning of my trip cause I know what it's like to not have that. I know what it was like to feel hopeless and suicidal. We also live in a society that like beats down on kids of color especially black girls and like LGBT kids especially trans kids and it makes me so sad to think that there are people here that don't even realize how valuable they are by just existing. Like their lives don't just matter, they are INVALUABLE and that they need to fight for themselves every day and make the effort to love themselves cause honestly once they push through and really figure out how to love themselves they don't realize that they are literally a beacon of light and hope for others to learn how to love themselves too. Once they get to that place someone else who could be alone and struggling can look to them and be like: wow I do have the right to exist and be valued cause this person found a way to do it themselves even though society shat on them the whole time. And it's important to support your peers in these marginalized groups as well and be allies to those who are not well supported in this society. Like this is such a shitty timeline but people need to realize that they are made of love and that they are valuable and that the future of humanity and our peace and well being depends on their missions to find love for themselves and overcome white supremacy's demon ass structure that is enslaving us all.

Ok that is all. If you have read all of this thank you <3

#personal #lions gate #boy what a night of revelations lol #thank you if you read all of that lol

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silentauroriamthereal · 3 years

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Author interview tag

I was tagged by @therealsaintscully! Thanks, you! :)

Name: SilentAuror

Fandoms: Just Sherlock, though I also follow some Old Guard blogs. :)

Where you post: AO3. Though I was almost knocked over the other day when I got a comment on an old HP fic over on skyehawke.com! It’s been literal YEARS since I got a review on anything over there! :P

Most popular multi-chapter fic: Against the Rest of the World for sure. :)

Favourite story you’ve written so far: With 87 posted fics and 2 more currently on the go, I can’t possibly answer that. That’s cruel. Lol.

Fic you were nervous to post: This, on the other hand, is easy, haha! Three stories, all for very different reasons:

1. The A.G.R.A Complex. This was my first Freebatch fic and I thought I might well be burnt at the stake for even writing any RPF. The notion for this story caught my muses’ attention, though, and they eventually forced me to write it against my will. I can’t be held responsible. Lol. It still amazes me that people continue to read it to this day. The notion: Martin and Benedict are friends. There’s a car accident and Martin suffers a fairly mild brain injury. While in his coma, dreams the entire first three seasons of Sherlock, which in this universe, haven’t happened. The nature of the brain injury is such that he keeps shifting mentally between the reality of who he and Benedict (and Amanda) are, and seeing himself and everyone else as their characters in the Sherlock universe. When I posted it, I intended it to be left up to the reader whether to see it as kind of an AU to actual reality, or else a prequel to the filming of Sherlock. When I finally decided to write a sequel, it meant that I had to be the one to make that clear, which made it a prequel. It became a three-part series, with the second part set during and just after the filming of series 3 (the dodgiest in the moral sense, since it dances around and into real life events), and then the third story takes place ten years later.

2. The Final Proof. Why? Easy. Major character death, and it’s Sherlock. That’s clear from about the first sentence, I think. I had written At the Heart of it All, which features Sherlock running an experiment using the hearts of people who lived lives where they had loved and been loved, and people who hadn’t in an effort to prove his own ability to love to John. He says something at the end of that story about wishing he could see his own heart at the end of their life to see which of the hearts his own resembled by then. And then my muses, my terrible, terrible muses said, “hey... you could write that: you know: Sherlock at the very end of his life, making John promise to look at his heart after he’s died, and complete his experiment.” I, like, teared up just at the thought, and honestly, I cried for most of the writing of that story. I’m assured that about 99% of the people who have read it have also cried throughout, so... sorry. Yeah.

3. Scars. Why? Easy, again: the entire story is riddled with gaslighting and other types of emotional abuse and mind-fuckery, and an actual rape scene. It was painful to the point of being interally corrosive to write, but I still felt it was a story I needed to tell. I did my homework on this one, consulted multiple therapists who work specifically in the field of men who have been absued (emotionally, physically, sexually) by female partners. I thought no one would read it. I thought I might lose half my followers on tumblr. But I still wrote it. It still amazes me that people read it, even more when they actually like it, and still like me after. Lol.

How you choose your titles: Hmm... each title genesis is different, I would say! Sometimes it’s a general theme of the story, sometimes it’s a specific concept or single word, occasionally (but not often) it’s a song title. Sometimes it’s another language, particularly Latin. In The A.G.R.A Complex, the title of the story is also the name that the neurologists given to the brain injury Martin experiences. Vena Cava is titled for the name of the vein that Mary’s bullet punctured in Sherlock’s heart, based on a medical analysis I had read. Scars takes its theme from both Sherlock’s external scars from what he went through during his time away, and John’s internal scars from Mary’s emotional abuse. I also have a whole series of (unrelated) flower-themed stories: The Green Carnations comes from ACD era coding for homosexuality. The Yellow Poppies is the story I wrote after the deleted scene about Magnussen’s hospital visit came out, which features both he and Mary as dual villains, and yellow poppies placed in Sherlock’s room as a threat from one or the other of them. The White Lotuses has a leitmotif of Hinduism and slow-blooming self-awareness and romance. The Red Roses is a Molly POV where she helps Sherlock and John get together in spite of her own feelings, and The Wisteria Tree is an amnesia story that has Sherlock forget the past six years of his life, including the five years that he’s been married to John, and how they find their way back together in spite of that. Rosa Felicia - bonus, both a flower name AND Latin, lol! - is a coming-of-age story about Rosie at the age of 19. Where My Demons Hide is a mid-series 4 story that I wrote after The Lying Detective aired, but before The Final Problem did, and is the title of an Imagine Dragons song. Pater Noster is Latin for the title of the Lord’s Prayer in Latin, but also quite literally just means “our father”, and is a story that centres around the events surrounding the death (murder) of John and Harry’s father. You get the gist.

Do you outline: I always say that one should know how a story begins, how it ends, and at least a few of the major points between those two events. So yes, but loosely. I think that over-plotting kills creativity. It’s not an essay. But even essays need space to grow.

Complete: 105 stories back in my skyehawke days, the vast majority of which are HP, totalling in about 1.5 million words. 87 stories in the Sherlock fandom (though those include my 4 Freebatch fics), totalling in over 2.3 million words now.

In progress: I have two stories currently pending: a Christmas story called The Secret of Hazel Grange, and a trauma-based, co-sleeping fic called Nocturne.

Coming soon/not yet started: I never comment about fics I haven’t yet started. Might curse the entire process, lol.

Do you accept prompts: No, alas. Neither prompts nor commissions. While I’m constantly desperately poor, it takes something out of the writing process for me once it becomes a job. I just feel like that’s not what fanfic is about for me. No judgement to anyone else who does write for commissions, whatsoever - we all have our own process! For me, I’m happy (make that incredibly grateful!) to have donations or supporters through my Patreon (eep: x), but writing to order just doesn’t quite jive for me. I also don’t take prompts, not because I don’t want them, but because I have such a huge backlog of my own ideas that I’ll never get to as it is. There will never be enough time to write all the fics I want to write! That said, don’t think that you can’t still suggest your ideas. My “official policy” (lol) is that I don’t take prompts (for the aforementioned backlog reason), but that doesn’t mean that if you do send me one, my muses won’t seize upon it and force me to write it. You never know. I certainly don’t, at least. :P

Upcoming story you are most excited to write: I’m super excited by the notion of actually getting my Christmas fic finished by Christmas. Lol. Here’s hoping!!

Tagging: Anyone who reads this and is a writer, or thinking about becoming one. You’ve been tagged!

#writer stuff #memes and things #sherlock #johnlock #silentauror

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infinitecapacities · 3 years

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Goals

Mental

1. To stop comparing myself to others. I can feel confident pretty easily by dressing up, putting on some makeup, and doing my hair nice. But what instantly seems to ruin it is my mind looking at other people and wishing I had what they have. I know that others beauty should not take away from my own, but yet I cannot help but diminish myself and sometimes start to feel insecure in the presence of others. This is something I need to work on mentally, I have to realize that no physical attribute that I achieve will conquer this. There will always be someone who WE perceive as better. However, there is only one me, and I am special in many ways. I do not need to try and be like anyone else. I need to be at peace with myself and fully accept that no matter how I look in comparison of others I am good enough.

2. Presence. This is something that I have gotten much better at. Fully focusing on the moment and what I am doing when I am doing it. With social media there are constant ways to distract yourself. One thing that I was doing unconsciously for a while was being on my phone any time I ate a meal. Before I even realized it, I was done with my meal and I had barely enjoyed it. Consequently, I craved more food, never really feeling satisfied. Now I am very aware of when I do this and always focus back to really enjoying my food and being thankful for how it is nourishing me. I have found that I am always satisfied after eating when I put my full presence into the act of consuming and enjoying my food. This goes with anything I do now, working out, doing homework, making my bed, getting dressed; anytime I do something with presence it turns out infinitely times better than if I did it while my mind wandered. I want to be free from anxiety always, to always do things with focus and intention. I want to really utilize my time and feel accomplished each day. I want to be organized and clean. I want to enjoy every second of the day.

3. Trust. Now this is a heavy one that I really need to work on more. There are a lot of parts of me that I still have not healed. I fully recognize that I not only have a hard time trusting other people, but I also have a hard time trusting myself. I constantly doubt everything. Whether it is right or wrong, whether I should do this or that, whether it is good or bad, I do not believe in it or even my own intuition. I find myself never really believing what anyone says, and at the same time easily lying to people. What I need to do is open my heart, be vulnerable, and live my truth even if I will feel uncomfortable or judged. To just set myself free from the fear. I have to let down my walls and let down my guard and trust that what is meant for me will simply be and I do not need to try to control things all of the time. I want to be able to love easily, to give to people with no expectations. I want to radiate sweetness and tenderness. I want to be able to express myself without holding back. I want to open up to the people in my life even if they will not understand.

Physical

1. Skin. Now this has been an issue for way too long. I am so proud of how far I have come. I have accepted this part of myself more than ever before, although it is my biggest insecurity still. More than anything, I really just want to make sure that everything that I am eating, drinking, and everything that I am applying to my skin is good for it. I want to be glowing from the inside out. I want people to compliment me on the work that I put in to get it to the smoothest clearest texture. I want to feel confident without makeup on. I want to be able to look people in the eye when they stare at me. I want to feel confident when they look at my side profile. I want to not have to hide behind my hair or makeup all the time. I want my skin to feel clean and calm and hydrated all the time.

2. Body. The main thing about my body I have been wanting to change is my weight. This first came about when I weighed myself and saw that I had gained 15+ pounds than the last time I was weighed. I had also noticed that I needed to get bigger sizes. It really hit me when I started looking back at past photos and thinking about how much skinnier I was before. I recognize now how in the past, I did things to my body for others not myself, and this is what started problems. I started going to the gym for my ex-boyfriend, not for myself. He said that I should so I started feeling insecure, and going to the gym often just made me more insecure because I felt like I was not doing enough. I just kind of did it just because I thought it would make him and other people like me more. Then quarantine hit just after my consistency at the gym started picking up, and then because my skin was at its worst, I forced myself to work out more because I felt that my body was the only beautiful thing about me left. Still, instead of feeling better it just made me critique my body more. Going to college after is really changed my body the most. Since high school I have always just eaten when I was hungry. Besides being pescatarian I never limited my diet based on insecurity. I naturally did not often over eat or under eat and I did not force myself to work out at the gym either. At that time I was always happy with my body. So when college came around and I had the unlimited meal plan, I had other people responsible for what I ate and when I ate, and I tried to get as much food as I could when they were serving. Combined with excessive drinking, I ate more and rarely felt satisfied. Food was accessible to me and I took advantage of it without really appreciating it. I was often sick. I also went a period where I could barely eat due to depression. I had panic attacks. I was living with a model who always looked perfect and so I hid my body more. So long story short I have been critiquing my body so much ever since the weight gain. Over the summer I tried different things and drastically limited my diet but I did not see much of a difference. I now know what I need to do. I just need to simply eat what my body craves and drink lots of water. Simply nourish my body with nutrient dense, fulfilling meals that make me FEEL GOOD. I love eating fruits and vegetables and so I will. I have felt so much more confident and less harsh on myself because my goal is not to be skinny or even lose weight it is to just be healthy. I am much more intentional about what I put into my body and I enjoy planning my meals and cooking them. I want to be able to know that I have to wear a swim suit and not have the urge to starve myself. I want to love my body. I want to feel energized, radiant, confident, beautiful, sexy, and most of all healthy.

Spiritual

1. Connect more with God/spirit. Lately I have been studying a variety of different philosophies and religions. The ones that resonate with me the most have been Buddhism and Hinduism but I believe every religion has validity that is meaningful. Do I know if there is a God? Yes and no. It is kind of hard for me to understand why things are the way they are, why God did all this. And so I question if there really is one and what he represents and how I am supposed to connect with him. At the same time, there is so much evidence in my own life that I am being guided and protected by something divine. I am so thankful my mom taught me very young to form a relationship to spirituality. She told me and my sister to pick something symbolic of our angels watching out for us, for her it was a white feather. I had a few different symbols but none were very convincing. I eventually decided on dragonflies, because I thought they were beautiful creatures and I was fascinated by them, and they are something you do not often see. Since making this decision, I have seen dragonflies every time I need a sign when I am most down or scared or confused. There is divine powers that are helping me navigate life, and I want to become more in touch with them and listen to their wisdom. This includes meditating, praying, reading, and journaling, because we can gain a lot of wisdom from within and from others stories as well, and our thoughts contribute so much to influencing the energetic field of the entire world. I want to feel good about my way of life. I want to learn more about spirituality and how it can better the world. I want to trust that there is more than meets the eye and have inner peace that there is a divine plan in everything.

2. Do shadow work.

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ayearinfaith · 4 years

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𝗔 𝗬𝗲𝗮𝗿 𝗶𝗻 𝗙𝗮𝗶𝘁𝗵, 𝗗𝗮𝘆 𝟰𝟴: 𝗛𝗶𝗻𝗱𝘂𝗶𝘀𝗺

“When we think of the Hindu religion, we find it difficult, if not impossible, to define Hindu religion or even adequately describe it. Unlike other religions in the world, the Hindu religion does not claim any one prophet; it does not worship any one God; it does not subscribe to any one dogma; it does not believe in any one philosophic concept; it does not follow any one set of religious rites or performances; in fact, it does not appear to satisfy the narrow traditional features of any religion of creed. It may broadly be described as a way of life and nothing more.”

-Supreme Court of India, from 1995 ruling on the minority religion status of Ramakrishnaism

Hinduism is an indigenous faith of the Indian subcontinent, currently practiced by over 15% of the global population and the world’s third largest religion. It is one of two surviving modern traditions to evolve directly from the historical Indo-European faith, the other being Zoroastrianism. The internal diversity of Hinduism is very high and has been likened by some to the use of “Abrahamic” as a single term for diverse traditions such as Judaism, Islam, and Christianity. The word “Hinduism” was coined in the early 19th century and comes from the ethnic term “Hindu”, itself derived from the name of the Indus River, located in modern day Pakistan.

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗩𝗲𝗱𝗶𝗰 𝗧𝗿𝗮𝗱𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻

Like with Shinto or Old Norse religion, indigenous faiths of Japan and Scandinavia, pre-modern Hindus were unlikely to have perceived themselves as being members of a religion. What would become Hinduism was simply their culture. Developments in self-identification have largely developed alongside the development of and need to distinguish from other traditions in India, most notably Buddhism and Islam. One of the earliest possible identifiers would have been “Vaidika” or “Vaidika Dharma”: the “way of the Vedas”. The Vedas, whose name literally means “knowledge”, are a collection of ancient scripture, some dating back as far as 1500 BCE. Though the beliefs of the Vedas have significant differences with modern Hindu denominations, perception of the Vedas as a source of truth is generally considered to be the defining feature of Hinduism, distinguishing it from other indigenous Indian faiths such as Buddhism or Jainism. Because of this direct and still active connection to 2-3000+ year old texts, Hinduism has often been called the world’s “oldest religion”. That said, the faith of the ancient Vedic people was quite different from the modern traditions. Many of modern Hinduism’s most venerated deities, such as Shiva, Vishnu, or Ganesha, are either absent from the Vedas, exist as alternate names for other gods, or are quite minor deities. Most prominent are gods like the king of the gods, Indra, and the fire god Agni, all of whom are generally easy to relate to the deities of European pagans. Aside from the Vedas the most important and universal Hindu scripture are the Upanishads and the Puranas. The Upanishads are actually a part of the Vedas, albeit the final layer of them, written in the second half of the first millennium BCE, by which time more familiar versions of figures like Vishnu and Shiva had emerged. From these come many core Hindu concepts such as Ātman (eternal soul) and Brahman (universal consciousness). The Puranas are a hug and diverse body of literature from which most of the legends and genealogies of the gods and the universe are derived.

𝗜𝗺𝗽𝗼𝗿𝘁𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝗖𝗼𝗻𝗰𝗲𝗽𝘁𝘀

A significant difference between Hinduism and Buddhism is the belief in an eternal soul or Ātman. All living things have an Ātman, and when we die the Ātman is reincarnated in a new body. Escaping the cycle of reincarnation is seen as a type of salvation called Moksha. Though generally considered the ultimate “goal” of Hinduism, Moksha is only one of four concepts knows as Puruṣārtha, literally a “spiritual/human pursuit”. The other three are Dharma (righteous and ethical behavior, literally “path/way”), Artha (wealth, or means, also conceived of as purpose), and Kama (physical pleasures). Artha and Kama are seen as necessary for a fulfilling life, though they should never go against Dharma, and all is done in pursuit of Moksha. Karma, literally “deed” or “act”, is a concept of causality between reincarnations. Doing good deeds will cause someone to be reincarnated into a better life, while bad deeds have the opposite effect. One of the greater Hindu virtues is Ahimsa or non-violence and is applicable not just to humans, but animals and plants. This is the reason behind widespread vegetarianism in India, and also a source of conflict between Hindus and Muslims: the Islamic method of animal slaughter, Dhabīḥah, is seen as a slow and painful death in direct opposition to the Hindu method, Jhatka, which literally means “instantly”. In addition to the cycle of reincarnation, the concepts of illusion and truth are core to Hinduism. Truth in this context is Brahman, the universal consciousness and/or ultimate reality. Brahman is the supreme force in Hinduism, generally seen all pervasive and singular. The reality we perceive is ultimately an illusion, a concept called Maya. Enlightenment in Hinduism is the ability to perceive through Maya and into the true Brahman. The role of the gods in Hinduism is complex; sometimes they are supreme forces and sometimes they are just powerful superhuman entities. Often both is true, with the gods being emanations of each other and ultimately of Brahman itself. The Om, written in Devanagari as “ॐ” is one of Hinduism’s most recognizable symbols, and represents the primordial cosmic sound of the universe.

𝗜𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗗𝗶𝘃𝗶𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀

As has already been stated in this post, Hinduism is incredibly diverse. Academics and philosophers, from within India and without, have made many valiant efforts to categorize the various threads. The most widely used currently differentiate by which god, or gods, have been elevated to supreme status. Though functional, use of these terms should not be thought of in the same vein as Christian denominations, like Methodist or Catholic, which have relatively clear and exclusionary division. A Hindu person may or may not identify with one, or multiple of these divisions, or may consider themselves of an altogether different traditions or prefer a different system of division altogether. The four major denominations are as follows:

𝗩𝗮𝗶𝘀𝗵𝗻𝗮𝘃𝗶𝘀𝗺

Vaishnavism is the largest Hindu denomination, and is estimated to cover 2/3rds of the Hindu population, though an exact number is impossible to gather. Vaishnavism is named for and elevates Vishnu, the preserver god, to the status of supreme consciousness. The doctrine of ten avatars is a core belief, and the epics 𝘔𝘢𝘩𝘢𝘣𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘢 and 𝘙𝘢𝘮𝘢𝘺𝘢𝘯𝘢 are important texts.

𝗦𝗵𝗮𝗶𝘃𝗶𝘀𝗺

Shaivism is the second most popular denomination and probably originated in Dravidian South India. Shaivism elevates the destroyer god Shiva. Shaivism is best known for its asceticism and Yoga. The aniconic Lingam is one of its most recognizable artifacts.

𝗦𝗵𝗮𝗸𝘁𝗶𝘀𝗺

Shaktism is the worship of the supreme feminine energy, Shakti. The varied Hindu goddesses, or Devi, are collectively worshiped as emanations of this supreme force, especially Parvati, Kali, and Durga. The Hindu esoteric and mystic tradition, Tantra, is most common in this denomination.

𝗦𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗶𝘀𝗺

Smartism is named for the Smriti texts, basically any scripture that is not the Vedas (or Upanishads). Smartism holds all gods in equivalents status, though generally portrays a council of five: Ganesha, Shiva, Vishnu, Shakti, and Surya. Smartism distinguishes the supreme consciousness, Brahman, into a Saguna Brahman, “Brahman with attributes”, and a Nirguna Brahman, “Brahman without attributes”. Put simply, the chosen deity is a face given to the universal consciousness as a means to understand it. Any deity can serve this function, and the more enlightened the practitioner becomes, the less they need this tutelary Saguna Brahman and can realize the true Nirguna Brahman. Smartism is seen as a syncretic tradition, developed as a means to bring disparate traditions together.

𝗔 𝗕𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗳 𝗣𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗔𝗳𝘁𝗲𝗿𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱

This has been one of the most difficult posts I have yet to write. Deciding what to include and what to omit was incredibly difficult. I wrote, deleted, and rewrote this several times. Doing research was difficult and as it turns out the internet is full of Hindu voices with a lot to say. Just to give an example, Wikipedia itself is full with meta-pages with editors striving against each other for what I would describe as the “least incorrect” version. In the end my aim was simply to give what I felt was as brief and general a post as I could write and still give an effective overview of the basic ideas and terminology one can expect to encounter when speaking about Hinduism. Even after all this, I feel like I have failed at that. However, at some point I have to stop writing this and move on for the sake of this series, and that point is now.

Image Credit: I could not determine the source, though I believe this is an Om encircled by the Om Nama Shivaya mantra. If you are able to find or know the source, please let me know.

#A Year in Faith #Hinduism #Religion #Mythology #Day 48

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aspoonofsugar · 5 years

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What do you think of the Hunting Dogs? Specifically, what do you think of Tecchou and Jouno's role in the narrative (and Tachihara's)?

Hello anon!

I have briefly mentioned the Hunting Dogs here and here

These are some general thoughts on them I am quoting from the two metas I linked:

The Hunting Dogs are so obsessed by the idea of justice that they forget to balance it with empathy. All in all, if there are characters in the series who are “too correct” that would be them and not Yosano. They have failed to realize it so far, but it is possible they will have to rethink their ways.

After all, they are fighting against a group called the Decay of Angels. It has been said that this group wants to destroy the same society the Hunting Dogs want to protect and they are clearly using people’s ideals and biased concepts of right and wrong to manipulate them and turn them into accomplices of their scheme. All in all, they are the perfect enemies for the Hunting Dogs and the arc is clearly hinting at the fact that the Dogs will have to face their shortcomings (after all the current chapters are called Skyfall).

And again:

The Hunting Dogs are so convinced that they are the heroes who should punish criminals that they don’t even realize that the people they are trying to kill are innocent. They are so sure to be the right side that they can’t see that they have become pawns of that same criminal organization that they are supposed to stop.

I think that these two extracts highlight two ideas connected to the HD.

1) The danger of justice without empathy.

2) The hypocrisy behind some ideals people can embrace.

The first point can be easily summarized by using two words mentioned in Yosano’s story:

“Correctness” stands for justice, whereas “kindness” stands for empathy. In short, what is suggested is that judging a person only because of the results of their actions ignoring the feelings and the reasons why they took their choices is detrimental.

However, this is what the Hunting Dogs are doing:

Fukuchi is Fukuzawa’s childhood friend, but he has no hesitation in hunting and killing Fukuzawa’s subordinates even if it is implied he himself might not personally want it. He does so just because they have been identified as criminals.

In short they seem to be in the story to explore this idea:

Justice is a weapon. It can be used to cause harm, but it cannot protect or save others.

Dazai Osamu

The second point is interesting because it shows that deep down the HD are really no different from the stray dogs (both the mafia and the ADA) they despise so much.

Let’s consider this:

Here Tachihara is talking about the HD, but it is not by chance that his words could very well be true for the mafia as well:

This perfectly shows that ironically the HD are not much different from the mafiosi who are ready to kill others to maintain Mori’s idea of peace.

The HD are proud because they see themselves as heroes of justice. They are not stray dogs, but dogs selected and adopted by a master (aka the governement) and this makes them better than others. At least, this is probably what they force themselves to believe.

The ironic thing is of course that all of them are portrayed with attributes society would consider problematic.

Teruko is sadistic and violent, while Jouno enjoys psychologically torturing people. Finally Tachihara is in the HD simply because he wants to find a place to belong.

All in all, among the four subordinates, Tecchou is the one who probably genuinely believes in justice, but his idea is simplicistic and naive as it was explained in point one.

In short, the HD are imperfect humans just like everybody else and they have found a reason of living in their organization just like the members of the ADA and of the mafia did.

This is also why they are so easily manipulated. It is because in order to truly think about “right” and “wrong” in a constructive way, they should let go of the labels they use to read the world. However, they can’t because if they did they could very well lose themselves.

In the end the HD are foils of the detectives just like the mafiosi, but they are so in a different way.

The mafiosi are who the detectives could become if they were to completely lose themselves in their most violent and darkest parts, while the HD are who the detectives could become if they were to embrace simplicistic ideals over people. This is also why this arc has been particularly hard on Kunikida since among the members of the ADA he is the one who risks to do so the most.

I will now briefly discuss the connections between each HD and one member of the ADA they foil. Since the arc is not over, some of these ideas must be considered generally and we have to see how they will play out.

1) Fukuzawa ishares a past with Fukuchi exactly like he does with Mori:

Fukuchi is said to be a war hero and to have been granted a godly sword:

It is not known if the sword is supposed to have some special power, but from the way people talk about it, it seems also some kind of honorable gift. The director has received a similar gift at the beginning of the arc:

However, differently from Fukuchi, his role in the war is considered something which should stay hidden:

In short, the two men share a common past, have both built an organization and are proud of it. However, Fukuchi is a person society has completely accepted to the point he was given a title and a unit, whereas Fukuzawa has fought to leave his own past behind and to live a better life, but the moment he succeeds his past catches up with him:

2) Jouno has been clearly associated to Dazai:

Dazai himself comments they would go along pretty well because of their similarity. They are two cynics who have fun provoking their far more idealistic partners (Kunikida and Tecchou). What is more, they are both said to be experts at interrogating people.

This highlights the fact that both Dazai and Jouno are very good at reading others. Dazai is said multiple times to have eyes who can see everything, whereas Jouno claims that he can use his enhanced senses to perceive more things than others.

All in all the way Jouno is described during his official introduction is interesting:

Apart from his ability being called Priceless Tears which might suggest there is more to his eyes being kept closed, there is the fact that he is called the king of avidya.

I am not an expert of hinduism, but from what I understood thanks to @hamliet avidya can be seen as “ignorance” or “self-deception”.

The title fits Jouno who enjoys pointing out to others what they want to ignore about themselves:

However, the question is if Jouno himself can overcome his own ignorance and if he is being honest with himself. When it comes to this, I think his relationship with Tecchou might give us some interesing hints which could be developed in an interesting way.

In a sense, Jouno and Tecchou’s relationship seems similar to both Dazai and Kunikida’s partnership and potentially to soukoku too.

The soukoku’s similarities so far are superficial in the sense that both partnerships are made of a combination between a person who is extremely intelligent (Dazai and Jouno respectively) and one who is extremely strong (Chuuya and Tecchou). What is more, despite the fact that the two members are often coupled together, they don’t go along well.

However, despite these similarities, there is a key difference between Tecchou and Jouno’s partnership and Dazai’s one with both Chuuya and Kunikida and it is that so far Jouno has been far less successful than Dazai in going on his partner’s nerves.

So far, Tecchou has not been annoyed in the slightest by Jouno’s attempts to go in his way:

And he has also won their interrogation match:

This is interesting and it might have to do with the HD as a group having a far less nuanced idea of right and wrong than the agency does. All in all the agency deals with gray cases and some of his members like Dazai and Ranpo are not really interested in right and wrong, while others like Kenji seems to have a pretty vague idea of these two concepts. So it makes sense that in such an environment Kunikida is constantly challenged by his comrades. This is also something positive because Kunikida risks to become too rigid in following his ideals. At the same time he can inspire his comrades too:

All in all Kunikida’s ideals guide the agency and the agency keeps Kunikida in check and avoids that he goes too far in pursuing them.

However, the HD fight for justice and this is all:

So, it makes sense that Jouno’s attempts to challenge the dog who embodies justice the most fail.

However, this is interesting when it comes to Jouno. After all, why does Tecchou go on his nerves so much?

Jouno explains that Tecchou’s spirit lacks artistry. I think this is a way to say that Tecchou does not understand nuance and has a simplicistic vision of the world. This might be true, but why does Jouno care? Isn’t he a HD too? And if he is, shouldn’t he fight for justice too? It is possible that Jouno doesn’t actually like justice so much and might understand that it is an oversimplification. However, he doesn’t seem to care about people either and he enjoys seeing them suffer. In a sense, he might embody the darkest aspect of justice which is not interested in being fair, but simply in punishing someone and in seeing them fall apart.

3) As stated above, Tecchou’s foil is Kunikida:

This confrontation is interesting because it is really two different systems of ideals coming into conflict. This is also symbolized by their respective abilities.

On one hand Kunikida’s notebook is representative of his ideals and his power uses it to make them become concrete things. On the other hand Tecchou’s sword represents justice. The choice of having these two characters collide is interesting because one can easily see their conflict as a representation of the one between “the word” and “the sword”.

Kunikida’s ideals are made for people and what he wants is not to let people die in front of him. All in all, Kunikida is learning that ideals should bend and be flexible when it comes to people even if they must not be discarded. This is why in Moving Ahead Alone he doesn’t change his schedule to meet a person he admires, but he does so when it is about saving a little girl.

All in all Kunikida wants his ideals to spread and people to embrace them:

He might not go at it in the best way possible, but he still believes people can change and can be educated. After all he used to be a teacher.

Tecchou’s ideals are about justice and “fairness”:

He believes that bad deeds should be punished and good deeds should be rewarded and has decided to become a weapon to do so.

Let’s highlight that Tecchou seems to be extremely serious about this:

He is ready to be cut by his sword (aka justice) himself if he were to do something wrong and he is serious both about cutting criminals down, but also about protecting people he deems admirable. However, the problem is that it is not sufficient that he genuinely wishes to be fair to ensure that the world is. For example, he claims that he will not kill the members of the ADA and will give them a fair trial, but the whole reason why the detectives are running is that a fair trial is impossible:

So, Tecchou wants to establish justice, but he can’t because he is nothing more than an individual with a biased vision of the world exactly like all the others.

4) I don’t have many thoughts on Teruko, so I won’t write about her. We will see if she is given more focus later on. I find her power interesting, though.

5) Tachihara is a character linked to Yosano since the both of them are basically trying to overcome the death of the same person. I have briefly talked about it in the Yosano meta I linked above and I won’t repeat myself.

As for now, I think it is important to highlight that Tachihara foils Atsushi.

They have both been considered worthless by their guardians:

They both might have ended up becoming criminals:

But were found by an organization which gave them a new purpose and made them feel useful. Because of these two groups they have been usingtheir powers to help society.

Their foiling is made pretty obvious in the chapters centered on the Hunting Dogs since Tachihara is our main POV character there just like Atsushi is for the ADA.

What we learn about him in those chapters is that he really just wants to be recognized just like Atsushi (and Akutagawa):

At the same time he is using his job in the HD as an excuse to lash out on others when his brother is concerned:

All in all, hating Yosano for what happened is wrong since Yosano herself was a victim, but Tachihara still does so because he probably needs someone to blame. What his more, his role as a policeman gives him the perfect excuse to take revenge. In short, Tachihara has issues similar to Atsushi and shows very clearly that trying to overcome them by becoming “a good person” is something which won’t work:

Despite them being criminals he has grown to care for some people in the mafia and this goes against the coping mechanism he embraced and which might be overcome at one point because of these cracks.

At the same time, Tachihara also shows that killing other people to settle a score just ends up hurting others and solves nothing and this is something Akutagawa must learn:

Tachihara’s actions to avenge his brother hurt someone else’s little sister and it is probable that made Tachihara himself the target of revenge.

In conclusion, the HD exist to embody this concept:

Morality is a prison who gives people happiness because it makes them think that they are in the right and this gives them comfort. The Decay of Angels want to destroy this concept. However, they too are wrong because all in all morality together with other coping mechanisms are things humans come up with because they want to live. And to live it what everyone deep down wants:

In the end Gogol’s final scream of free will highlights exactly this. The HD are no different and they have just to accept it.

Thank you for the ask!

#bsd #bsd meta #hunting dogs #armed detective agency #ochi fukuchi #fukuzawa yukichi #dazai osamu #jouno saigiku #teccho suehiro #kunikida doppo #tachihara michizou #atsushi nakajima #asksfullofsugar #anonymous

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500wordtheology · 4 years

Text

Detour: The Good Place Conclusion

Please forgive me, I’m about to break protocol. Normally this blog is dedicated to theological topics and I strive to keep each post at around 500 words. Today’s post will certainly be theology related, but it is extremely unlikely I will be able to keep it brief. Should you want to skip this post, feel free to click here to advance to the next blog entry.

The TV show “The Good Place” has now concluded. If you haven’t seen it, close this window and go watch the first season. It’s great. Possibly one of my favorite single seasons of any TV show ever. Genius creative work, and brilliant comedy and heart.

I cannot say the same for the final season, and especially the final two episodes. That is what this blog post is about, and in case it wasn’t obvious:

COMPLETE SPOILERS FOR “THE GOOD PLACE” AHEAD.

I will not recap the show’s four seasons here, nor even the episodes being discussed. This is written for those who have already seen them. Instead let’s jump into exactly how, unfortunately, the conclusion of the show failed both morally and creatively.

Please understand I do not write this as some stuffy critic. I lived the life of a stuffy critic in my younger days, and while it is a lovely boost to the ego, it is empty and dumb. I’ve learned that much at least. The reason for my critique here is because we as human beings need to KNOW this stuff. We need to not be tricked into shallow thought.

Where It All Falls Apart

The Good Place made a number of mistakes with the final two episodes. Let’s discuss the errors and try to make clear where things went awry (and how/why they were hand-waved away).

The penultimate episode, “Patty,” introduced the idea that an undisclosed amount of time in Paradise would cause you to become a boring, intellectually-stunted zombie. Apparently even the greatest thinkers who ever lived who managed to get into the Good Place only ever wanted milkshakes and orgasms, and instantly abandoned all big questions about the Universe for simple Hedonism. (And yes, it’s very true that Hedonism is empty and meaningless.)

This outcome makes very little sense, and I am unsure if it was a result of running out of episodes (which would be a shame, because the early bits of the final season were often dull and it would have been far better spending more time exploring these later concepts instead of cheap laughs at the expense of stereotypical, hollow characters introduced and then thrown away) or if it was simply bad and unimaginative writing. Considering the fantastic writing of Seasons 1 and 2, and sometimes 3, this is extremely puzzling. At any rate, it shows a serious lack of creativity.

Here is an important truth that was almost totally avoided in these final episodes: The question “Why?” does not disappear simply because you can conjure up a Coke and some sunglasses any time you want. Those questions remain. They might even move more to the forefront of the mind. Why are things the way they are? Unanswered, unexplored. Not just unexplored by the writers, but unexplored by the characters like Patty who were set up to have been in the Good Place for an undetermined amount of time (but “long”).

This is the ultimate problem with exploring Philosophy without also exploring Theology alongside. Interviews with the creator of the show consistently have him bringing up things like Buddhism or Hinduism, but strangely absent are Monotheistic religions. Why is this? For starters, I expect it is because many of the loudest voices in the modern Western world do not care for such concepts. They don’t like what it entails. If we are not in charge of our own ultimate destiny, which is the case when God exists and has made you with a purpose of his intention, our ego gets a slap in the face.

And it should, because that is what our ego deserves when it is out of order, but that is another post.

Anyway, it is possible this choice was made to avoid ruffling feathers of media and the societal elite. It is easier to play it safe, even for a show that tackled some very large concepts like morality.

It is also possibly because studying such religions requires a great amount of work. Heaven, in Christianity, is not a fluffy cloud where you get everything you ever wanted (like margaritas and monkeys in go-karts), where you sit and play a harp (or guitar) all day and also, hey look, your childhood dog is there. That is a foolish, childish caricature of Heaven, but unfortunately has become widely accepted as true simply because people refuse to go study further. So mistruths are believed due to ignorance. Cartoonish ideas are thought to be accurate, because non-cartoonish ideas are hard and sometimes extremely uncomfortable.

It’s more than a shame.

Not only is Heaven infinitely better than such a stupid caricature, but it isn’t even the final destination! New Earth and bodily resurrection comes after. However that is Christianity, and The Good Place makes its own version of heaven instead. A cartoonish one. Fine. But even ignoring that, the problem The Good Place’s ending faces is in the mantra “Death makes life meaningful.”

Here’s the kicker: That’s not untrue. And because it is not untrue, we can quickly and easily get extremely confused. In fact, go read some reviews of the final episode from a number of popular websites and you’ll find they herald this truth. Because in our earthly life, it is right to say death makes this part of our existence precious.

The problem, and it is a HUGE one, is they then transpose the earthly lesson onto eternity. Ignorantly (and forgive me for this is not an insult but a statement of why they claim it, they simply don’t KNOW and I realize even saying such a thing is unpopular) they claim that eternity would be “like this life but longer.” And yes, if that was eternity they might have a point. However even within the universe The Good Place has created that is not accurate! We are shown concepts like The Time Knife, and IHOP, and Janet, and the Judge. These things alone make eternity not simply Earth-life-but-forever. And here arises a major problem, because the writers suddenly go from thinking reasonably large to thinking utterly small, right at the end when thinking big is so important.

Creativity is boundless. The Good Place was certainly not short on creativity! At least�� up until the end. At the end what you had was creative bankruptcy. A nihilistic conclusion that there is no real meaning - except this conclusion gussied up with terms like “peace” and “love” before folks walked off to their annihilation. It is, in fact, the gussying up that I have the biggest problem with. It is a flat-out lie, paraded as some virtue.

This is detestable. Tricking the viewer into believing such ridiculousness as “if you’re ready to die, you should do it and your suicide is a good thing. The best thing, even. The only way to be happy forever.”

I am sorry, but this is not only trash, it is dangerous trash. I hope I do not need to go into detail as to why.

Retirement for All

Let me jump slightly sideways for a second and point out something extremely telling: The “solution” that everyone got on board with at the end of it all was The Eternal Shriek.

Think about that for a second. That is what their solution was. The thing that in Season 1 and 2 seemed (rightfully) so horrific.

Now immediately one might say “Oh, no, that is not the same at all! The Eternal Shriek was a forced thing, the pretty gate in the forest was a willful decision.”

Really?

WAS it?

This is the response the writers want you to have, and it is one, again, of shallow thinking. This is the trick of the pretty forest scene and the constant throwing around words like “peace” and “calm” and “love” at the end. What we learn from the show is that the Forest Gate ends up being everyone’s ONLY ultimate option. Tahani, after mastering demonic/angelic architecture, will be left with the same ending. She will “be ready” but only because she has no choice but to eventually be ready. It is no longer a choice, but, as Eleanor says in the show itself in Season 2 “It’s a crappy deal, but it’s the only one we get.” Even after all they’ve learned (and have the potential to learn, let’s never forget that aspect) they play God (but far worse, because they are not God) and give humanity the *same deal* they say is crappy and lament how it is the only deal they got.

You might also say “Oh, no, the Eternal Shriek had all that awful stuff like having your soul scooped out with flaming ladles.” Yeah? What of it? You’re not conscious anymore (otherwise Michael wouldn’t have lamented “no more me” when he had his existential crisis) so the desecration of your esense and the atoms of your body are as meaningless to you as if someone dumps your cremated ashes in the forest vs. in the ocean. Or, yes, even in a rubbish bin.

Note the throw-away joke of the creature Derek has become. In his final speech (before getting rebooted again against his will) he mentions the heat death of the Universe. Let’s not ignore that. We are left by the writers (manipulated, really) with warm fuzzy feelings as one of Eleanor’s golden particle-thingies lands on a person who then does something decent instead of cruel. But what is not shown (because it would harp on our buzz) is that man will die. Michael will die. They will be annihilated and then, eventually, all humans will die, the earth will die, the universe will die, Derek will die, Janet will die, the Good Place will die, the Judge will die, and the final pretty gold sparkle will no fall on some new person to help them improve, but instead cease to Be entirely and have absolutely no meaning at all. It will all amount to exactly the same in the end as if the Bad Place guys ran things.

To use the pretty analogy of the show, “The wave will still be water and return to the ocean,” but then the ocean will disappear entirely for no reason or purpose and even the wave and water will be worth nothing. (They don’t note this second half, because that second half doesn’t make you feel good. Yet it lurks there, undiscussed and ready to pounce and surprise.)

This is the stark, awful truth of a purposeless universe and existence. It is an awful thing, but it is the truth if that is the worldview we’re exploring. (A reminder this is not the truth of God, though. God loves you, and you do not exist for no reason. A necessary reminder because when we start to really dig in and explore nihilism it gets “real dark real fast.” We need to hold onto the Light at such times.)

At any rate, what then seems to separate the Eternal Shriek from the Forest Door is only that the last fleeting moments are located in a peaceful looking (though ultimately doomed) place. The results end up being identical. The final option of The Good Place ends up being the worst-possible-option of The Bad Place: Annihilation. This is the “solution” the writers came up with. The one they themselves made fun of in previous episodes (rightfully so, because it is terrible.)

And yes, it is that big and important. The *foundation* of ideas is precicely where they either stand firm or topple and crush everyone around them. We must dig deep when it comes to what we think and believe.

Selfishness and “Love”

Here I will break and tackle another awful, awful thing these final episodes support: Complete selfishness as somehow compatible with Love.

Jason is not all that bright. But generally he seems to have a good heart, particularly for those he cares about. Yet after completing a single perfect round of a video game, he chooses to leave the not-a-woman he loves forever. To abandon her, because he just doesn’t feel like sticking around anymore.

What?

But okay. It’s Jason. I was willing to suspend some disbelief for the sake of the character, who is a few crayons short of a box.

Then Chidi does the same thing.

WHAT?

This is utterly absurd. Here the writers want to write what they want to write, rather than be honest. It is one of my biggest convictions that an author must be honest. He or she may nudge things in certain directions, but if the author of a story ever forces a character to do something against their character, that is not only poor writing but completely dishonest. It is the lowest form of storytelling to do such a thing. And we find it here.

Chidi, by his own admission, has a sense of calm and peace. Chidi is just fine. Yet he knows his choice to kill himself (annihilate, really, because we need to be crystal clear on that) will hurt Eleanor deeply. It will cause her extreme pain. He still chooses it.

My friends, that is not love. That is also not Chidi.

Love sacrifices for the beloved. And in this case, Chidi wouldn’t even be sacrificing much if he stayed, because we’ve already established he is at peace and internally calm. So rather than maintain this feeling, or even work to be better IF other feelings arose in the future, he checks out on Eleanor. Quits on her. Deserts her. (Leaving her a hedonistic even if hilarious calendar, no less. Fun joke but morally what the fork.)

Loving relationships in our modern age have taken a severe hit. One reason may be that we think this is how you should treat someone you love. “Me first” has become the battle cry of the age.

No, my friends. Love first. Always.

I anxiously await Heaven and New Earth. But also I love my wife, family, and friends. If I must stay here to support them, I will. Even if “there and then” is better, it doesn’t matter. I love them. I will remain for them. (I will even eat kale and exercise if it means I get to remain here to support them a little longer than if I only ate bacon and browsed Twitter from bed all day.)

Beyond that, I will remain because God has me here for a purpose. But since The Good Place did not deal with such topics, resorting instead to vague concepts of “helping people is good, so totally do it” and the like, I will even abandon this particular train of thought for this discussion. Even if it was ONLY my wife, family, and friends, they are worth it. Love is big enough to cause me to keep going for them.

Yes, Eleanor was noble in letting Chidi go. But Chidi was completely ignoble for going when he knew, without a doubt, she wanted him to remain. That she was not ready.

I think this may be one reason after thousands of years (or whatever a Bearimy is, they keep it vague on purpose and that is very clever of them) Chidi and Elenor are still calling each other “boyfriend and girlfriend.” They REFUSE to commit. Why? Because a husband does not walk out on the wife he loves and we know it. We all know it. Deep inside we know that is not what a husband is meant to do. That would make Chidi a horrific husband. But walk out on a girlfriend? Eh. Sure. Not great, but okay. The world says that’s not so serious. Walk away, dude, no one will care.

Sorry, Good Place writers, I care. I care deeply.

Why?

Here is where we get to the meat of it. WHY do I care? (Especially as a number of people point out to me “it’s just a TV show.”)

I care because I have SEEN what real love brings with it. Bliss. Not hedonistic happiness, but JOY. Ecstasy beyond frivolous ideas like orgasms. Delight beyond mere milkshakes and talking pandas. Glory. Perfection. Eternal Good with no end.

It is better, and it is worth striving for.

What happens when we accept and perpetuate ideas like “It is totally fine to abandon people you love as long as it is in your own best interest” is that it degradates our concept of love itself. Love becomes lesser and watered down. This is the same with divorce. Divorce is never easy. Sometimes it is necessary. But it SHOULD never be easy. And honestly? It SHOULD never be necessary. It’s because of our sin that the necessity arises. Here we see the problem not with eternity, but with eternity WITH sin still permitted. Yes, eternity breaks when we are simply “us” but “forever.” (Even if it is slightly-better-than-on-earth “us.”)

Going back to the idea of love, when we chip away at love and redefine it to mean something lesser we open the doors wide for awful things like what Chidi did and what Jason did. Selfish things. And newsflash, for anyone who didn’t already know, WE WANT TO BE SELFISH. It is in us. We desire to look out for number one, and always have number one be us. This is why the great command is “Love God, and Love your neighbor as yourself.” Because we already know how to love ourselves. Loving ourselves is “I don’t feel like being here in paradise with you anymore, bye.” We are called to do better than that.

Real love is epic, you guys. Real love is flippin ridiculously good. It redefines GOOD itself. We shouldn’t settle for the “this is nice” false love that is tossed around these days as if that is the bar. That is a garbage bar! Raise that puppy to where it belongs!

When you experience the utter glory of God and his love, it changes everything. The cheap love the world peddles becomes laughable. But not just laughable: sad. After I watched the finale and read review after review online where people heralded this idea of “eternity would be boring without death” I cried. I laid on the floor and cried for a world that doesn’t know God. That thinks this is all there is, or that boredom could ever come about from true paradise. Forgive me, but what shallow thinking that is! What despair, without even knowing it.

Alas, this is what people are taught. Let us never forget that Story does not just entertain us, it teaches us. It molds us. This is, sadly, the emptiness The Good Place ends up teaching as its last lesson. “Do good, because it’s good (don’t ask why), but then abandon doing good if it means you get what you want.” Hedonistic Nihilism is the conclusion they offer, spit-shined so you don’t think too hard about it or feel too bad. Yes, feel a little bad, they want you to do that. But not bad enough to really think about how the hope and golden particles of light in a peaceful forest are a trick to shy away from ultimate meaninglessness and selfishness behind it.

This is the final moral of the show, and it is desperately sad. This is the emptiness of Philosophy without God. And when it is sugar-coated like they sugar-coated it, it is a cyanide pill that tastes great and goes down smooth.

You know, until it kills you.

#goodplace #the good place #God #theology #philosophy #review

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