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#but they can’t i need to be fine i can’t show negative emotions because that’s how i survive. it’s the only way to survive.
doveofdeath · 2 years
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i tried to kill myself last night.
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kooktrash · 9 months
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Fighting heart mc has a little accident at home and needs to go to the hospital (maybe for stitches?) and jk calls her and nurse pick it up and says that she’s in hospital 😌 And of course he got panicked and rushed to the hospital and even after he saw that she’s perfectly fine he can’t help but cry because of the fear and all those ugly emotions (and he thought that something big happened to her) 😭😭 And of course he wouldn’t stop gushing over her and be her ‘yes man’
oooof I missed these two idk. jk has always been the more stressed out one so I could def see him completely losing his shit while oc is like “🤷🏽‍♀️Shit happens” he def makes a bigger deal out of it.
FIGHTING HEART
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warnings: mentions of bl**d, oc cuts her leg with glass. jk gets anxiety from it. oc needed stitches 2.4K words.
You never considered yourself a handy man of any sort. You hate getting your hands dirty and you hate doing any sort of hard labor at all—it’ll mess up your manicure, but today you didn’t have much of a choice. You had just been lounging around your apartment all day with Jimin who decided he would come over and keep you company. Your boyfriend, Jungkook, has been stuck training lately because he’s got a big fight coming up and Jin has been really strict on him because of it. Even if he won’t admit it, you know he’s been stressed because if he wins, he’ll win big.
Jungkook has finally begun to really establish himself as a real boxer and right now he’s getting so many calls from just about anyone in the boxing world looking to set a match with him. He’s so close to being the lightweight champion and you know it’s been a lot of pressure on him so all you’ve wanted to do was show him your support and show him he could rely on you.
Maybe that’s why you decided to tackle this issue on your own today.
“You’re scaring me, Y/n,” Jimin said as he watched you stand on your kitchen counter trying to switch out a lightbulb, “If you fall Jungkook is going to kill me.”
You couldn’t help but roll your eyes as you turned to him with the huge, heavy lightbulb in your hands, “Stop being so negative, I’m very capable of changing a lightbulb, thank you very much.”
Jimin released a sigh, “I mean… if you say so.”
Jungkook was exhausted, his body ached everywhere and all he wanted to do was drive over to you, pull you into a bath with him and hopefully fall asleep after. Lately it feels like all he’s done is train with Hobi and right now he just wants to stop it all and go see you.
Of course he’s thankful for all the opportunities he’s been given in life but right now he just wants to be selfish and hang out with the love of his life without worrying about the newest brand deal—which right now, Calvin Klein has been blowing up Jin’s phone to sign the new and upcoming boxer as a brand ambassador. He thinks he’ll do it but only if he can get you signed on as well, it’s not like they would say no with the connections you have. Maybe he’ll talk to you about it tonight.
“Alright Kook, you wanna rest up tonight because tomorrow we’re doing it all over again,” Hoseok said to him as they walked toward their parked cars ready to end today’s session, “Are you going to see Y/n?”
“That’s the plan,” Jungkook said, already taking his phone out to call you, “I’m thinking we’ll get dinner and after that probably just lounge around.”
They said their goodbyes and once Jungkook was in the privacy of his car, he called you. Lately, he’s been so busy he almost feels guilty for not being able to see you. You’re so supportive and loving and all he wants to do is spend all his time with you but he’s finally doing something with his life and it’s all because of you so he just continues to push himself to his limits. He wants to be with someone worthy of you, no matter how many times you assure him you’ll love him no matter what.
You chose him over anyone else, even when you saw his poor living conditions with leaking roofs and broken cabinets. You stayed with him when you saw him lose control at an underground fight club. You’ve chosen him and he loves you so much that he misses you anytime he’s away.
When the call went to voicemail he couldn’t help but be confused, you told him you would just be home today so he wondered why you wouldn’t answer. Maybe you were sleeping or not around your phone, so he called you again just to be sure.
“Hello?”
Jungkook pulled the phone away from his ear, looking down at the screen to make sure he had in fact called you and not whatever guy was currently answering the phone, “Y/n?”
“Jungkook,” Jimin cleared his throat awkwardly, “Um, this is Jimin.”
He released a breath in relief, “Oh, where’s Y/n?”
“Um,” Jimin bit his lip nervously as he looked behind him. Jungkook waited for him to speak but the longer he stayed quiet the more worried he got. Why did Jimin answer your phone and why did he seem so nervous?
“Y/n can’t really answer the phone right now,” Jimin said, already imagining your overprotective boyfriend plunging his fist into Jimin’s pretty head, “She had an accident an—“
“What?” Jungkook hit the brakes hard, completely forgetting he was trying to drive out of the parking lot, “What do you mean accident? Where is she?”
“We’re at the hospital right now, they’re giving her stitches—“
“Where?” Jungkook’s voice dropped to a low octave as his blood ran cold. He barely listened to the hospital Jimin told him before he was hanging up and speeding toward you. He ran a couple red lights but he didn’t even care. He felt his anxiety begin to spike up to the point where his chest tightened painfully and it was getting hard for him to breathe.
Getting to the hospital all happened in a blur, he went straight to the E.R section and he knew that the nurse behind the counter thought he looked crazy.
He was drenched in sweat from training and his eyes were red, his hands shaky and his voice cracked when he asked what room you were in.
“She’s just finishing up surgery and she’ll be out soon, I’ll take you to where the friend is waiting,” the nurse said and he anxiously followed after her, biting his lip so hard that it bled. The elevator ride felt like an eternity and he ignored the nurse’s warning not to run as he searched for Jimin who sat outside the room with his head down.
“What happened?” Jungkook asked and there was no denying the panic in his voice. Jimin shot up out of his seat looking a little scared by the way Jungkook glared at him. Jimin bit his lip, “We were in her kitchen and Y/n was trying to change a stupid lightbulb and—“
“Ow!”
Jungkook looked to the room, the blinds were closed so he couldn’t even look in and the door was shut, “Oh my god, did she fall?”
Jimin nodded subtly, “Y/n dropped the bulb and I think it s-scared her and she ended up falling a-and, glass was everywhere a—“
“What the fuck were you doing?!” Jungkook yelled louder than he meant to and others immediately turned to him with worry. Jimin’s eyes widened at the way Jungkook grabbed at him and once Jungkook realized what he was doing, he immediately let him go, “I’m sorry, Jimin. Sorry… b-but, if something happens to Y/n…”
“I know man,” Jimin put a hand on his shoulder, “She’s just getting a few stitches and she’ll be out soon. I’m sorry.”
Jungkook sat down with his head in his hands, hiding himself as he shut his eyes trying to get his brain to shut up. He knows that you’ll be fine but he can’t help but imagine the worse. He’s been so busy lately and he told you he would switch the stupid lightbulb for you and just kept forgetting. This is all his fault. All of it.
The thought of you being hurt in even the slightest way made him sick to his stomach. You weren’t supposed to get hurt. He’s supposed to keep you safe and be there for you and he hasn’t been and he feels so fucking shitty because all he can picture right now is your fall. How bad was it? How did it happen? Jimin said there was glass everywhere…
How hurt were you?
It felt like years passed before they were finally let into the room. Jimin stood behind with guilt written all over his face as Jungkook went right to your side, immediately holding your face in his hands, “Baby, tell me you’re okay.”
“I’m okay,” you said with a smile as you looked down at your leg, “Just a couple stitches, nothing too bad.”
“Six stitches and a large piece of glass in her heel,” the doctor said as he looked down at his paperwork. Jungkook was hovering over you with his forehead pressed against yours, “I’m so sorry.”
“For what?” You asked brushing his sticky hair out of his face, “I’m fine.”
“She did great,” the doctor said, finally getting Jungkook’s attention, “We’re going to prescribe something for the pain and finish up some paperwork. We have a pair of crutches Y/n could use but she should be healed in about three weeks. As of right now, I’d say put as little weight on her foot as possible, it was a big fall and she’s definitely bruised up.”
“Thank you, doctor,” Jungkook said and you looked at him. Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion as you looked down at your boyfriend who lifted your knuckles to his lips and kissed the top of them. You could see his reddened eyes and when he looked up at you it was clear he was crying, this is the second time you’ve seen your strong boyfriend cry and it broke you.
“Jimin,” you looked to your friend, “Can you give us a minute?”
The doctor took that as his cue to go get the paperwork and leave with your friend until it was just you and Jungkook. “Baby,” you called to him once you were alone and he allowed himself to fully break down against your hospital bed, “What’s wrong? Are you mad? I know you told me to wait b-but, I just wan—“
“I’m so sorry,” he cried, tears falling down his cheeks, “I’m so fucking sorry, Y/n. I keep telling you over and over again that I want to be someone you deserve and I just keep disappointing you.”
You sat up suddenly, wincing a little as you shifted your leg and Jungkook immediately looked up with fear, “Jungkook, this isn’t your fault at all. This was an accident, I was being impatient. Even Jimin told me it was a bad idea but I wanted to prove that I could do things on my own, obviously not bu—“
“Baby, you’re so strong and you don’t even know it,” Jungkook said as he sat down on the edge, careful not to take up too much room, “So strong and smart that you can do anything. I just… I should’ve just done it the first time you told me.”
“Don’t blame yourself for this,” You combed his hair back before wiping his tears away with your thumb, “And shouldn’t I be the one crying? I just got six stitches.”
Jungkook sniffled as he leaned forward and pulled you into a tight hug, “I was so scared, baby, so fucking scared that something horrible happened and I just… I just couldn’t get over the fact that I wasn’t around.”
Your eyes met his and to help him calm down, and remind him he won’t lose you, you kissed him. Jungkook kissed you back wantonly, hand in your hair and salty tears on his tongue, “I love you so much.”
The wait for the paperwork took forever and Jimin sat in the corner of the room watching you and Jungkook. He had been so exhausted from his training that when he rested his head on your chest, he fell asleep.
“You’ve got a very concerned boyfriend on your hands,” the nurse said once she returned, “I hear he caused a commotion downstairs and out in the hall just worried sick about you.”
“I’m sure he did,” you said in a whisper, brushing a finger against his cheek that had him waking up slowly, eyes hazy as he looked up at you.
“Alright, well just follow the doctor’s orders, once the numbing block wears off you’ll feel some pain because you sprained your ankle. We’ll do a follow up in about a week, how does that sound? Now I need the one she’ll be leaving with to sign these documents.
“Sounds good, we’ll be here,” Jungkook had your hand in his as he signed the paper with his free hand, there were crutches in her hands and she was motioning for you to try and sit up. Jungkook didn’t hesitate to tuck an arm under your back and the other one under your knees before he was lifting you up.
“No need for crutches?” The nurse asked, watching Jungkook pick you up with ease. Jimin took them from her with a thank you, “I guess not.”
“Babe, I can walk,” you tried telling him as he cradled you in his arms, “I’m heavy.”
“Shh, I’ve made guys bigger than you tap out with one punch,” Jungkook said as he carried you to the elevator with Jimin hot on your trails, “I think I’m capable of carrying my injured girlfriend to the car.”
When you got to the hotel you lived at, Jungkook had yet to let your feet touch the car even once. He helped you to bed using a pillow to rest your leg and making sure you were comfortable as he ran around looking for things you might need.
You giggled, “Kook, I’m not paralyzed, I can walk, just give me some time.”
“I know you’re strong babe but I really don’t want you over exerting yourself,” he said, “Just tell me what you want and I’ll go do it.”
“I still need the lightbulb fixed.”
“On it.”
Jungkook ran out to the kitchen, nearly crying again once he saw the mess on your perfectly polished marble floors. Once again he was reminded that you had probably been in a lot of pain and he wasn’t around. There was blood mixed with thin glass all over the floor and he went to your supply closet to get the cleaning supplies. If Jimin wasn’t around, what would have happened? Would you have forced yourself to stand and call an ambulance? Would you have called him or would you think he was too busy to answer?
The next morning Jungkook did not leave your side one bit. He called Hobi and told him he wouldn’t make it to training and spent his day doing everything he could for you.
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aspd-culture · 1 month
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Welcome back. You’re very informative.
I’m very confused about how numerous people, from you, to other antisocial people speaking from their experiences (some of which I learned are actually friends) to prosocial researchers of ASPD say that antisocial people see relationships as transactional. It’s not weird that you guys see it that way, it’s more like “and prosocials… don’t???” Because I’m certain I’m prosocial. I’m neurodivergent, sure, but no signs of ASPD. So, how do most prosocial people typically view relationships if they’re not transactional?
So I find prosocials and pwASPD both tend to think “but doesn’t everybody” when we hear this - it’s a super undescriptive term - but we’re thinking different things define something as transactional. We also see the reason for that transaction to be different.
From a prosocial generally, they’ll mean “I only want to be around people that ‘don’t drain my energy’, that don’t just take take take, that we mutually enjoy the friendship/relationship and want to be around each other”. That’s kinda their definition of getting something out of it, and they want everyone to get something out of it. If they’re draining you, they want you to be free of it so you can be happy, and the transactions involved can be purely emotional/vibes. The reason they feel this way is a desire for positive and enjoyable social connection; the consequence for an uneven/bad/missing transaction is discomfort and wasting their time in negative experiences and generally feeling bad in association with that person.
PwASPD see those transactions very very literally. There’s no vibes nor emotions in the transactions, those are either a reaction to the transaction or a bonus. We mean that we are getting something tangible or practical out of it. Rides, help with things we can’t or don’t want to do alone, sex, maybe even the social relief from the annoyance of “why don’t you ever talk to anyone?” coming from all sides. We also don’t always care if it’s even on the other person’s end. If they’re ok driving me everywhere/if they do it and don’t say or show they’re uncomfortable, then I will assume they are fine with that piece of the transaction. If I’m taking more than I’m giving and they seem chill with that then I’ll accept it. However, I won’t give them *nothing* and that’s because of our reason for transactions - it’s dangerous otherwise. First off, I have shit I need I can’t get myself as much as it sucks, so I need to be around people. But if we need something from them, what we learned in our childhoods is that we don’t get that for free. There’s always something over your head. A lot of pwASPD had friends or caregivers that would hold favors or even *basic, legally-mandated caregiving* over our heads as though we didn’t deserve it. Often our value was determined as a child by what we provided, and since children can’t provide much, we were worthless and not deserving of good treatment.
This is part of the reason (TW non-descriptive CSA mention, skip to the next paragraph if you want) that people thought ASPD was directly correlated with CSA for a long time - many cases of long term CSA come from either “I’ll give you x/do x for you if you help me with this” or worse, doing something first then saying “but I gave you X!/did X for you! I wouldn’t have if I knew you’d act like this”, often call us selfish if we tried to say no and maybe get aggressive or forceful after, and that is an easy lead-in to our view of interactions.
So a lot of us see it that if we want to be safe/know we can continue to get what we need, we HAVE to be giving them something. If you claim you like being around me “just to be around me” or worse that you’re willing to do something for me “just because I want to”, that’s not safe. You want something from me and I’ll give it to you - just tell me what it is. If you’re not telling me, that means it’s not good or you’re just gonna decide later that I’m selfish. You might hurt me to get what you want and justify it with this. Take something from my side so we’re even, because even means safe. Even means I get access to what I need and you get access to what you need - so now we’re both using this relationship/friendship/etc for something and you wouldn’t wanna mess that up by putting me in danger any more than I’d want to mess it up by putting you in danger.
Of course, not every prosocial sees it the first way and not every pwASPD had those experiences and/or sees it that way. But that’s what I’ve found to be common. If you see “they make me happy” as what your or their end of the transaction is, it’s definitely a prosocial response, maybe with the exception of thinking of it as “getting their brain to dopamine/oxytocin” vs caring how they’re actually feeling. If not, if you need it to be practical, that’s definitely transactional.
It’s important to note this is personal relationships with no practical consequences to ending the relationship - most people see relationships (platonic) with coworkers or managers as transactional and that’s a way I usually explain it to prosocials (“do you deal with your boss bc you like them or bc they sign your check - and would your boss keep you hired if you didn’t do your job because you make them happy just by being there?”). But with a romantic or sexual partner, a friend, etc. this is not a typical view of relationships.
That said - you can *absolutely* not have ASPD and have transactional view of relationships. It’s not a 1:1 thing there; not everyone with ASPD has it and not every prosocial doesn’t. It’s just a really common piece of the puzzle that is this personality disorder.
Edit: ack I’m so sorry I forgot to add the csa tw tags they’re there now.
Plain text below the cut:
So I find prosocials and pwASPD both tend to think “but doesn’t everybody” when we hear this - it’s a super undescriptive term - but we’re thinking different things define something as transactional. We also see the reason for that transaction to be different.
From a prosocial generally, they’ll mean “I only want to be around people that ‘don’t drain my energy’, that don’t just take take take, that we mutually enjoy the friendship/relationship and want to be around each other”. That’s kinda their definition of getting something out of it, and they want everyone to get something out of it. If they’re draining you, they want you to be free of it so you can be happy, and the transactions involved can be purely emotional/vibes. The reason they feel this way is a desire for positive and enjoyable social connection; the consequence for an uneven/bad/missing transaction is discomfort and wasting their time in negative experiences and generally feeling bad in association with that person.
PwASPD see those transactions very very literally. There’s no vibes nor emotions in the transactions, those are either a reaction to the transaction or a bonus. We mean that we are getting something tangible or practical out of it. Rides, help with things we can’t or don’t want to do alone, sex, maybe even the social relief from the annoyance of “why don’t you ever talk to anyone?” coming from all sides. We also don’t always care if it’s even on the other person’s end. If they’re ok driving me everywhere/if they do it and don’t say or show they’re uncomfortable, then I will assume they are fine with that piece of the transaction. If I’m taking more than I’m giving and they seem chill with that then I’ll accept it. However, I won’t give them *nothing* and that’s because of our reason for transactions - it’s dangerous otherwise. First off, I have shit I need I can’t get myself as much as it sucks, so I need to be around people. But if we need something from them, what we learned in our childhoods is that we don’t get that for free. There’s always something over your head. A lot of pwASPD had friends or caregivers that would hold favors or even *basic, legally-mandated caregiving* over our heads as though we didn’t deserve it. Often our value was determined as a child by what we provided, and since children can’t provide much, we were worthless and not deserving of good treatment.
This is part of the reason (TW non-descriptive CSA mention, skip to the next paragraph if you want) that people thought ASPD was directly correlated with CSA for a long time - many cases of long term CSA come from either “I’ll give you x/do x for you if you help me with this” or worse, doing something first then saying “but I gave you X!/did X for you! I wouldn’t have if I knew you’d act like this”, often call us selfish if we tried to say no and maybe get aggressive or forceful after, and that is an easy lead-in to our view of interactions.
So a lot of us see it that if we want to be safe/know we can continue to get what we need, we HAVE to be giving them something. If you claim you like being around me “just to be around me” or worse that you’re willing to do something for me “just because I want to”, that’s not safe. You want something from me and I’ll give it to you - just tell me what it is. If you’re not telling me, that means it’s not good or you’re just gonna decide later that I’m selfish. You might hurt me to get what you want and justify it with this. Take something from my side so we’re even, because even means safe. Even means I get access to what I need and you get access to what you need - so now we’re both using this relationship/friendship/etc for something and you wouldn’t wanna mess that up by putting me in danger any more than I’d want to mess it up by putting you in danger.
Of course, not every prosocial sees it the first way and not every pwASPD had those experiences and/or sees it that way. But that’s what I’ve found to be common. If you see “they make me happy” as what your or their end of the transaction is, it’s definitely a prosocial response, maybe with the exception of thinking of it as “getting their brain to dopamine/oxytocin” vs caring how they’re actually feeling. If not, if you need it to be practical, that’s definitely transactional.
It’s important to note this is personal relationships with no practical consequences to ending the relationship - most people see relationships (platonic) with coworkers or managers as transactional and that’s a way I usually explain it to prosocials (“do you deal with your boss bc you like them or bc they sign your check - and would your boss keep you hired if you didn’t do your job because you make them happy just by being there?”). But with a romantic or sexual partner, a friend, etc. this is not a typical view of relationships.
That said - you can *absolutely* not have ASPD and have transactional view of relationships. It’s not a 1:1 thing there; not everyone with ASPD has it and not every prosocial doesn’t. It’s just a really common piece of the puzzle that is this personality disorder.
Edit: ack I’m so sorry I forgot to add the csa tw tags they’re there now.
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waltzingwithspirit · 9 months
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PICK A CARD: MESSAGE FROM YOUR FUTURE SELF
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Left: Power ; Right: Calm
Disclaimer: 🪈Disclaimer in pinned post applies here. 🪈Take what resonates and leave the rest. 🪈NO ONE, IS ALLOWED TO COPY MY WORK UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. 🪈Thank you for letting me read for you. 🪈Personal readings are paid only.
🥀POWER🥀
You need this message. You have been struck down, struck down hard. You feel like this is the end, you can never get up from this failure, or for some of you series of failure, you took a lot and all came down one by one like dominos. You hate losing and now it feels like you lost. If everything seemed perfect before and now those things that looked like blessings, feel like curses: then this is a double confirmation that this message is for you. You may have been cheated in business or dealings too. But worry not, because justice will be served. You are being told to stand up again, I know you are hesitant and rather not face the world, but you should because after that all the wrongs start becoming right. Getting back up, can feel slow, but this time you are not impulsive, this time you read the fine print, do not sign any papers without reading!! This time you have a method and are meticulous, and the victory will be yours if you are willing to take it. Enough of the embarrassment, it doesn’t suit you. GET BACK UP! “The cost of entry is embarrassment-remember this’  YOU SHOULD READ ‘IF’ BY RUDYARD KIPLING. It is a must for you: especially the lines:  If you can make one heap of all your winnings     And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss, And lose, and start again at your beginnings     And never breathe a word about your loss; If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew     To serve your turn long after they are gone,    And so hold on when there is nothing in you     Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’ Read the entire poem. It is a must for you.  Comment ‘111’ to claim this.  🥀Thank you for letting me read for you🥀 🌙DM to book a personal reading🌙
🌊CALM🌊
Justice seems to be prominent here as well, let’s take a look at your story, shall we? There once was a suitor, who seemed too good to be true, and of course miracle could happen to anyone so why not you? You took their offer, or shall we call it a bait, they broke your heart gradually and then all very suddenly and now it all seems like a mistake.  Now in hindsight, you think you brushed past their mistakes,  being blinded by the red flags, it happened so quickly you didn’t have time to think, but now when you look back it looks like the classic tale of foolery.  So I am here to tell you, that this classic tale has an happy ending, and for that you must move on. You must know that there is help nearby, fill your cup with what you need, show yourself some grace and bid them goodbye. You deserve a good life, so why not leave the past and allow new love to come in, and this is exactly what will happen. YOU WILL GET JUSTICE BY THE NEGATIVITY LEAVING YOUR LIFE allowing space for new love to enter. Your justice is in walking away, and going towards light focusing on yourself,  IT was almost told to me like a fairy tale, this suitor could be romantic or business like, if this hasn’t happened to you, it is telling you to beware of people coming in too fast. Take your time, do not get drowned in emotions so much you can’t see what’s plain to the eye. Take a big picture view, Thing like an outsider to your situation so it can become clearer. Worry not if this has happened, you will heal fast and quick, all you need is the absolute intention of going towards the light, working towards making your dream life come true.  COMMENT ’333’ to claim this.  🥀Thank you for letting me read for you🥀 🌙DM to book a personal reading🌙
-
EL TAROT
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jacksdinonuggets · 3 months
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~Fight Nights~
Y'ALL I HAD AN IDEA AND I WROTE IT.
Summary: Vaggie has a fight with Charlie and needs comfort. However, the only other person she can run to is Carmilla
Vaggie stormed out of the hotel, angry, and on the brink of tears. She and Charlie had just gotten into a fight. They didn’t fight often so it really affected them when they did. The reason that they fought? Vaggie was suppressing her negative emotions again, therefore keeping a secret. This made Charlie pretty upset since she wanted them to have a mutual relationship and not just one protector. However, Vaggie viewed herself as someone who couldn’t show weakness so she got pretty worked up when Charlie confronted her about it. She didn’t mean to turn it into an argument. It just sort of happened.
Anyways, she just really needed comfort from someone and the only other person she could really go to was carmilla. She had been taking fighting lessons once a week with her and sometimes, she would even teach a little bit of ballet so she could learn to dance-fight. At first, they would just go back and forth with returning weapons and paying some loans and business stuff but then they started to get a bit personal. Sometimes, if Vaggie was having a bad day, Carmilla would invite her into her office and they would talk about whatever was bothering her before they practiced.
So, still slightly pissed and more emotional than ever, she walked to her warehouse that was also just her normal house. She knocked on the big metal doors, hanging her head low. Now was not the time to cry.
The doors opened after a couple of seconds and Carmilla greeted her at the door.
“Vaggie, what brings you here? It is not our normal practice day,” She questioned as she urged the girl inside. 
“I just-... I needed someplace safe to cool down. Me and Charlie had a fight,” Vaggie explained. Talking had never seemed as hard as it did at that moment. It felt like with every word she was about to break down into tears. Usually, if she was feeling like this, she would go to Charlie and the two would cuddle, spend time together, or have little time. But she couldn’t because she felt wrong for having to want comfort from the person she just fought with. It would be awkward and strange.
Carmilla sighed, “How about you meet me in my office and i’ll bring up a cup of tea. Then you can tell me all about it, ‘kay?” Vaggie nodded and started walking up the stairs. She passed the big doors that lead into the main house area and went towards the office. 
As Vaggie was waiting, she could feel her headspace teetering. It was a weird feeling to want to be taken care of and comforted by basically a stranger. But somehow she grew sort of attached to her.
When Carmilla returned, she had two cups of tea in her hand. She gave one to Vaggie, who was sitting on the couch. She nodded a thank you and took a sip. Carmilla sat next to her and put her’s on the coffee table.
“Alright, why don’t you tell me what’s going on?” she prompted. Vaggie took a deep breath and began.
“Charlie had begun to notice that i was hiding my vulnerable emotions and lying whenever she would ask if i was okay. I get overwhelmed easily but I would say i was fine whenever someone would ask, just to not be seen as weak. Well, she noticed and confronted me about it. We got into this huge fight and she brought up how i haven’t regressed-” Shit, she can’t tell her that. That’s too personal. Plus, what if she thinks its weird? “Uh- I mean used this one coping mechanism in a month or two and that i was repressing it,” wow, great save there.
“Anyways, she hit a few nerves that I know she probably regrets. I said a few things I’m not proud of, but it still hurts. Its like, I really want a hug but I can’t get it because she’s the only one I have who can comfort and love me!” Vaggie spiraled. At this point, she didn’t even care that she was talking to a dangerous overlord. She just needed to rant. And rant she did.
“Would it make you feel better if I gave you a hug?” Carmilla offered. She saw how Vaggie looked as though she desperately needed one. It was like looking at a small panicking child. You just needed to help them. In a way, Vaggie reminded her of her daughters. And Carmilla reminded Vaggie of a mother in a way. Not like she’s ever known hers, being a heavenborn orphan whose only family consisted of exorcists who bullied her.
Vaggie nodded. Carmilla wrapped her arms around the small, short girl and gave a reassuring squeeze. Vaggie had never wanted to cry more than did right now. It was overwhelming. But not exactly in a bad way. She felt this strange, clingy emotion towards her. 
Carmilla was about to pull away but she felt something stopping her. Vaggie’s arms were gripping her waist like her life depended on it and she could feel something wet on her collarbone where Vaggie had her head. She hadn’t even noticed the girl start crying. But nonetheless, she rubbed her back and comforted her, just like she would with her daughters.
“Shh, it's okay, I’ve got you,” she whispered in a soothing motherly tone, the one she never uses with strangers or in combat.
Vaggie’s headspace dipped so far when those words were spoken. She felt so small, like a toddler in Carmilla’s big embrace. 
“Mama..” Vaggie mumbled into her chest. It was very muffled and quiet though.
Carmilla noticed the words spoken from vaggie and knew that the girl’s headspace had dropped. She wasn’t stupid. She knew what regression was. 
“Mama’s here, sweetie,” she gently told her.
The two hugged for what seemed to be 5 minutes until Vaggie calmed down. She didn’t want to let go though. It felt so good to feel loved.
“It seems like it’s past your bedtime, little one,” she said when they pulled apart. Vaggie pouted but was noticeably tired. It was about 9:30 and her little brain could only stay up so late.
“Come on, I’ve got a spare room you can use.” she stood up and signalled for her to follow her. However, she Vaggie was having some trouble standing. She kept falling over. Having one eye and being small didn’t mix well for balance. 
Carmila bent over and picked her up. She held her by her hip as she carried her out of the office, their tea forgotten. She walked towards the big doors that led to the main house area. When she opened the doors, Clara and Odette were sitting in the living room on the couch. They looked up to see their mother carrying the princesses girlfriend? It confused them but Carmilla mouthed ‘I’ll explain later’. 
When they approached the guest room, Carmilla was able to hold Vaggie with one hand for about a second to open the door. They didn’t have any spare pajamas so Vaggie would have to sleep in her current clothes. They didn’t seem too uncoomfortable though.
Carmila laid her down in the bed and pulled the covers over her, tucking her in.
“Wha’ bout Char-Char?” Vaggie rubbed her eyes. The big kid in her knew that Charlie would be expecting her to be home in about an hour and would definitely begin freaking out if she wasn’t home by then.
“I’ll let her know you’re staying the night,” Carmilla said in a hushed voice, “For now, its ni-ni,”
Once she was done tucking her in she turned off the lights and left, but not before cracking the door just in case Vaggie needed anything during the night. Then, she went back downstairs to explain the situation to her daughters. They seemed pretty okay with it and promised not to spread it, as Carmilla knew it was something she’d probably like to keep a secret. In the end, Carmila never expected to be the mother of three, yet here she was.
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justmeinadaze · 2 years
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Good Neighbors Part 4 (Steddie X Reader) 
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A/N: This started one way and went another. Certain night time activities may have also been a factor but let's just say... fucking hell this got me🥵 .
Warning: Steddie relationship and all that that implies. (I regret nothing!) This one is a little rougher than the past ones but they are still cute as hell with her son and they still love our reader. She's definitely got a bit of brat thing going on.
Word count: 3443
You glare into the void as you sit outside your apartment on the stairs smoking one of Eddie’s cigarette’s that you stole out of his jacket pocket. Today had been Dylan’s birthday party which he absolutely enjoyed. A few friends and family came over including your boys. You allowed Charlie to make an appearance and that’s when things started to fall downhill. 
You expected him to show up alone after work but he brought her. The woman that he cheated on you with in YOUR house on YOUR bed. You understood that Charlie was going to keep dating. Hell, you were technically dating. But the fact that he brought her of all people just triggered all those negative emotions. You tried not to let it show but your grumpy attitude leaked through.
“Hey, do you need help with anything?” Steve comes into the kitchen, gently touching your back. You jerk to the side away from him. 
“No, I got it.”
“Whew! These kids are exhausting.” Your sister throws herself into a chair next to you. You reply with a subtle “hm”. Eddie’s eyes glance over at you with concern. 
“You son is looking for you.” You jump at the sound of Eddie’s voice. 
“Jesus Christ, Eddie! Do you always have to scare me?! Wear a fucking bell.” You put out the cigarette on the concrete and rise to head back inside. 
He reaches out with his arm blocking you from entering the apartment. “Whatever is wrong with you right now, you need to get it in check because it has nothing to do with that kid in there. Don’t spoil his good time with your shit attitude.”
You narrowed your eyes at him, swatting his arm out of the way. As soon as you walk in Dylan runs to your side. “Mommy! Can Patrick stay over tonight?”
“Um, I don’t see why not.” You feel eyes watching you. You turn to see who they belong to, finding Eddie and Steve murmuring to each other.
“Dil! Come give me a hug. We’re leaving, Kid.” Charlie yells from the door. You son runs over to his father and Charlies lifts him into the air giving him a big bear hug. “Say goodbye to Vivian.”
“Bye Vivi.” He leans over wrapping his arms around her neck as she kisses his cheek and you feel the anger rise into your throat. They leave without acknowledging your presence and you’re fine with that. You didn’t think you could even pretend to be nice to her. 
The only people left were now your neighbors. “Dylan, say goodbye to Steve and Eddie.”
“Are we leaving?” Eddie asks, his head tilted to the side.
“Yes, you are.”
“Oh, mom. Can’t they stay for a little bit longer?” When you shook your head, he began to whine. 
“Dylan! Not tonight, baby, okay?”
Steve who had his eyes glued to you with his arms folded now walked confidently in your direction. “Ok, that’s enough of that.” He mutters under his breath. “Hey, Little Man, we’ll be right back, ok?” He grabs your upper arm roughly and drags you out the front of your apartment into theirs. “What’s wrong?” Steve pulls you closer to his face as he stares down at you angrily. 
You try to pull out of his grasp but he just grips you tighter. “Right now, Steve, you are what’s wrong. Let me go!”
“Did something happen with Charlie?”, he asks
“I’m betting it’s the girl he brought.” Eddie came up to his side. “Is that thee girl?” 
“I said let go!” You manage to get out Steve’s grasp with one strong tug. 
“That’s a yes.” Eddie chuckles as he crosses his arms. 
“Don’t do that. Don’t laugh at me! I don’t have to explain myself to either of you.”
“You’re right. You don’t have to but you should want to. That’s what people in relationships do.”
“Is that what this is?”
“Ah ah ah.” Steve holds up his hand and walks towards you slowly backing you into the living room wall. “I would be very careful with what you say next. We know you’re upset and we understand that but that doesn’t give you a license to be mean.”
You stand up straighter, looking him dead in the eye. “Say what you really mean. ‘That doesn’t give you license to be a bitch.’” 
He smiles at you then and turns to Eddie who grins back, shrugging his shoulders. They both turn their back to you and head out the front door. You grab one of the pillows off the couch and scream into it. After a few minutes, you regain your composure and head back into the fray. 
Dylan and Patrick are still on the floor playing the new video game your sister bought him. Steve was in the kitchen washing dishes as Eddie scrambled around the apartment picking up trash and bringing dirty plates to the sink. Neither of them acknowledged you as you walked through the door. You casually walk into the living room and sit on the floor with your son. The game pauses as his friend declares he has to pee and runs towards the restroom.
You tap Dylan on the opposite shoulder from you and he turns his head giggling when he looks the wrong way. He climbs into your lap and you wrap your arms tightly around him, kissing the top of his head. 
“Did you have a good birthday party?”
“Yeah! It was so much fun. Thank you!” The little boy kisses your cheek and you feel your wall begin to crack. 
“Hey. I’m sorry I snapped at you. Mommy’s just…exhausted.” You place the back of your hand over your forehead and dramatically sigh. He smiles at your theatrics. 
“It ok. I know you were just upset because Vivi showed up. Daddy asked me if it was ok. I told him no.”
You felt your anger start to rise again. “Honey, you didn’t have to do that.”
“I know but she makes you sad.”
The mama bear inside of you snapped. You were angry that your son asked your ex not to bring her and he did anyway but now you were even more upset not just with Charlie but yourself because you thought you hid that pain better. Dylan was already going through enough with the divorce. You didn’t want to add to it in any way. 
Patrick barreled back into the living room, grabbing the controller and unpausing the game. 
“Hey! Not fair! I wasn’t ready!”
You slowly get up from the floor and head towards your bedroom. You knew you left your phone plugged in on the bedside table but it was now gone. 
“Looking for something?”
Steve leans against the wall with his hands in his pockets. 
“Where is my phone, Steve?”
His eyes zero in on yours. “You can’t call him.”
“I’m sorry. Did you just tell me I can’t do something?”
“I’m trying to help, Y/N. If you call him now screaming at him when you’re like this, it’s just going to give him more ammunition. You already have enough on your plate. Both of you.”
“I don’t need your help! I know how to handle my ex and I can take care of my son. Believe it or not, I did it for a whole 6 years before you two came into my life.”
“Wow, I guess we see where Dylan gets his tantrums from.” Eddie leans into the doorframe with both hands on either side. 
“Give me. My. Phone.”
They both turn on you again leaving you standing there by yourself fuming. You run after them but stop when you see Dylan in Eddie’s arms. “Ok, Kid. We’re heading out now. Next time I come over I’m teaching you some D & D, ok?”
Dylan wraps his arms around his neck and thanks Eddie for the small guitar he gave him. Steve reaches out and takes the boy from his arms. 
“It’s boring. You’ll hate it.” Dylan giggles, shaking his head. 
“Thank you for my skates!”
“Hey, no problem, dude. Anyway, we can find to rep house griffin, right?”
Without meaning to, a small laugh escapes your lips. All 3 heads turn to look at you. 
“Gryffindor, Steve.”
His eyes roll to the back of his head. “Whatever. Here, take this weirdo before I actually retain any of that.”, he says jokingly as he passes Dylan to you. 
You place him on his feet. “Ok, boys, go get ready for bed. I’ll be right back, ok?”
Eddie and Steve are already halfway into their apartment by the time you catch up to them. 
“Steven! Give me my phone.”
“Or what?” He smiles down at you cheekily as he slams the door shut. 
#####################
A few hours later, you find yourself still awake, staring pensively at the ceiling. You know it’s not they’re fault. They did nothing to ensure your wrath but you couldn’t bring yourself back down from that ledge. 
You were still running through the day’s events when a subtle bass beat grabs your attention. Opening your bedroom door, you hear it louder in the hall. You gently open Dylan’s bedroom but when you step inside you hear nothing. Closing his door, you follow the sound, finding yourself outside of Steve and Eddie’s apartment door. 
Really? Ok, they want to play. I can play.
You bang on their door with your fist but no one answers. You pound on it louder and continuously until finally it swings open. Steve stands there in just his underwear, with a hazy look in his eyes. 
“Excuse me, ma’am. There are children trying to sleep. Can you keep the noise down?” He starts to close the door again but you block it with your bare foot as you stomp inside. Their dwelling smells incredibly strong like weed and cigarettes. 
“Heeeeey!” You hear Eddie screech from somewhere in the living room. You walk over to find him lying on his back on the floor in his boxers, a cigarette dangling from his mouth. You narrow your eyes at him as you reach out towards the stereo and turn off the music. 
He jumps to his feet, standing face to face with you. Grinning, he extended his arm, turning it back on. When you start to lift your arm again, he grabs your wrist and spins you in the opposite direction. Your body smacks chest first into Steve. 
“We have the settings just right, you know.”
“Yeah, just right to annoy the hell out of me.”
They both laugh. “To be fair, Princess, you started it. Your bratty attitude annoyed the hell out of us today.”
“Technically yesterday being as its 2 am.” Steve cackles as he looks at his watch. 
You roll your eyes, crossing your arms. “And I’m the one acting like a little kid.”
“Jesus, she still has that fucking tone.” Eddie whines as he smashes the cigarette he was smoking into the nearby ashtray. 
“Oh, be careful, Eds. She’s getting that angry look again.” Steve circles around you like a vulture. 
“Stop.”
“Stop what?”
“Stop talking about me like I’m not here.”
“Oh Sweetheart.” Eddie starts sauntering around you as well. “We’ve been acting like you aren’t here all night. Haven’t we, Stevie?”
Steve smiles a Cheshire like grin. “Oh yeah. Since supposedly this,” he gestures between the three of you, “isn’t a real relationship or anything. Isn’t that what you said?”
A wicked grin spreads across your face as you laugh at them. They both stop moving, Steve in front of you and Eddie behind you. “I’m sorry. Did I give off the impression that I’m some timid little PTA mom who bakes pies and shit?” You stalk towards Steve guiding him backwards. “You can’t intimidate me, Steve Harrington. Neither of you can!” You turn to look at Eddie who was still in the same place with his arms folded. 
Steve’s smile returned but there was something behind it, something that made your knees weak and your stomach flip. 
“Intimidation isn’t the name of the game, baby. It’s humiliation.” He leaned his back against the wall looking down his nose at you as Eddie chuckled. His tone dropped so low you could barely hear him. “How do you think we felt when you were mean to us today? When you said what you said. Frankly we’re kind of tired of it. There’s no reason this has to be so difficult.” 
Eddie comes up behind you, poking you in the side. When you turn, he shoves your phone into your hands. You look down at as if you’ve never seen it before. You were so focused on being angry at them that you forgot they even had it. 
They both move away and leave you standing there. You hear the music begin to play again and the sound of them moving around behind you. Smoke suddenly fills the air and when you finally turn around you find them on the floor, Steve leaning back on Eddie’s chest as they passed the joint back and forth. 
You sat diagonally from them and once again they didn’t acknowledge your presence. It hurt you but instead of being angry about it, you now felt like you deserved it. 
“You were right, Eddie. Vivian was THEE girl. I came home during my lunch break to pick up something I forgot and I found them together. I found out later that everyone knew, our friends and his family. No one told me a god damn thing.” You glanced in their direction. They still weren’t looking at you but you could tell they were listening. “I know he’s going to be with other women. I know that. I know that they are going to be around my son and I know it’s not fair for me to be upset about it since you two spend almost everyday around him but… why does it have to be her?”
You crawl over to them, placing your head on Eddie’s tummy. “I’m sorry I took my frustrations out on you guys. That wasn’t fair, to you both or to Dylan.”
You suddenly feel Eddie’s hand caress your hair as Steve reaches down to grab your hand, intertwining his fingers with yours. 
“I forgive you.” 
“Yeah, me to.” Steve brings your hand up, holding it against his chest. 
“Can I ask you guys something?” They both mumble a hm. “Why the fuck are you both only in your underwear?”
Steve and Eddie howl with laughter causing you to laugh along with them. 
“What did I tell you when you came in?” Eddie asks as he leans up on his elbows. 
You think for a moment. “That you’ve been acting like I haven’t been here?” The boy nods his head. “I don’t get it.”
Steve inhales the joint in his fingers and places it in the ashtray before looking at you with those beautiful brown eyes. “You want us to show you?” He grins seductively when you say yes. 
He crawls over you and you scoot out of his way to sit by Eddie’s head. Eddie pulls your lips to his, kissing you softly. He moans against your lips, grabbing your jaw with his hand, and turning you to see what the other boy was doing. 
Steve had Eddie’s cock in his mouth, moving his head up and down his length. A sigh escaped your lips as you crawled closer to watch him. You gently ran your fingers through Steve hair causing him to groan. 
“Fucking hell.” Eddie licked his lips as he watched you two with lust blown eyes. 
“He tastes good, doesn’t he?” You whispered into his ear. “He really likes it when you swirl your tongue around him.” Steve did what you suggested and Eddie’s eyes rolled as his head fell back on the floor. You felt his fingers reach for you. 
“Come here, Princess.” You maneuvered to him as he tugged at your sleep shorts. You pulled them and your panties down your legs, throwing them to the side. Eddie grabbed you moving you forward till you were seated on his face. You moaned as he wasted no time wrapping his mouth around your clit. Steve’s mouth came off of his friend with a pop as he continued pumping him with his hand, watching as you lift your shirt over your head and toss it away.
You lean your hands on Eddie’s chest for support as you ride his face. Steve meets you in the middle pulling you roughly by the back of the neck for a sloppy kiss. You can taste Eddie on his tongue and it makes your pussy clench. You whimper as you watch Steve pull away and spit on Eddie’s cock as he takes the boy into his mouth again. The sound of him gagging is enough to drive you over the edge. Your body shakes and your thighs try to squeeze shut as you cum on Eddie’s tongue. His hands fly up and hold your legs open as he helps you through your climax. 
Both boys, as if reading each other’s minds, get up and switch places. Eddie’s mouth is replaced with Steve’s as his head slides between your legs. You feel Eddie’s hand on your back gently pushing you towards Steve’s dick and he growls into your cunt as your tongue licks the precum of his tip. 
You gasp when you feel Eddie’s cock rub between your folds. Steve’s mouth wraps around your nub, sucking and flicking, as Eddie pushes into your entrance bottoming out almost immediately. He sets a brutal pace making it hard for you to not gag down on Steve as your pushed forward into him. The sound of Steve sucking and moaning drives you crazy and Eddie grunts as you clench around him. 
“Oh my god.” Tears start to fall down your cheeks. “Please. Don’t stop. It feels so good.”
Eddie falls against your back reaching around to hold your tits as he thrusts into your deeper. 
“There you go, Sweetheart. Show me how Steve likes it.”
You dig your nails into his thigh as Steve starts pumping his hips pushing him farther into your mouth. You feel him moan into your clit as you keep your head still as he fucks your face. His movements sputter as his cum hits the back of your throat. You swallow him and Eddie turns your face to kiss your lips. He pulls up right against his chest and grips your waist as he slams into your pussy. Steve’s hands cling to your thighs as he aggressively flicks his tongue against you.
You cry out as your feel the coil snap in your belly and you cum hard shouting their names repeatedly to the heavens. You start to collapse forward but Eddie holds your tightly to him as he thrusts roughly into you, grunting in your ear before he you feel his seed filling you up. 
You fall to the side lifting your knee so you don’t hit Steve in the face. Eddie comes down with you, his arms still wrapped your stomach and chest. 
Steve’s palm rubs your leg. “Fuck, that was fucking amazing.”
“I’ll say.”, Eddie pants. 
“Baby, are you ok?” The sound of your sniffles causes them both to sit up at attention. 
“I’m fine. That was just really good.” You laugh as you wipe your tears and they chuckle with you. 
Steve gets up and heads for his bathroom, bringing back a towel as he cleans between your legs. You reach out and caress his cheek. “Will you guys stay with me tonight?”
They share a glance. “Sure. Um, what are we going to tell Dylan?”
“Nothing. He’ll think I had a sleep over like he did. Just um, clothes please.” 
They rise to their feet bringing you up with them carefully. Steve disappears as Eddie helps you get dressed. When his roommate comes back, he is now wearing flannel pjs and a Hawkins high athletics shirt. He throws Eddie his shorts and a t-shirt.
Steve lifts you into his arms as he carries you across the threshold and back to your apartment. He places you on the bed and curls in behind you. Eddie tiptoes in closing the door behind him. 
“Kids are still passed out.”
“Good. Hopefully they sleep in.”, you murmur.
Eddie climbs in on your other side and without hesitation you fling your arm over his tummy. He smiles at your closed eyes as he takes your hand in his and kisses the back of it. You three pass out, limbs tangled together, and happy as can be. 
616 notes · View notes
prescottsgirl · 8 months
Text
SHE’S SO SOFT LIKE SILK CHIFFON
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sidney prescott x tatum riley
summary: emotions are high after an eventual night. tatum and sidney can’t keep their feelings contained anymore at their sleepover. they can’t keep their hands to themselves either.
warnings: none
note: my first tatney/satum fic!! also title is inspired by silk chiffon by muna bc duh
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Tatum lightly bobs her head to the soft melody playing and Sidney looks over at the poster on the wall of a shirtless actor. She thinks; she doesn't want to kiss that man as much as she does Tatum. She should feel attracted to that, but the only ounce of attention that picture gets is when Tatum makes her flustered and she has to look at anything else besides her.
She thinks about what it would feel like to kiss Tatum. To think about soft blonde hair, and soft skin, and kissing her best friend. She wants to do each others makeup, and giggle at movies, and paint each others nails, but she also really wants to kiss Tatum.
She notices all the little things about Tatum, and she falls further in love with her. How she wears shirts that barely cover her stomach and she loves to show off her legs with little skirts. But when it was just her and Sidney, she always wore childish pajamas and cuddled with her stuffed animals. Sidney got to see all of her. Not just the Tatum that the boys want to see.
"I think you're going to drill a hole through my wall if you stare at that picture any longer," Tatum says boldly. Sidney turns her head and looks shocked at the fact that Tatum was still even there. She realizes that she was staring right at her.
"What?"
Tatum rolls her eyes at her, but she doesn't do it with malice. "Okay, what's going on?"
"Nothing," Sidney shakes her head, but she continues on talking, "I just— do you think something’s...wrong with me?"
"What?" Tatum now says. She looks offended that her best friend would ever say something negative about herself. "This is going to sound bias but absolutely not. Why? Did grease-ball-Billy say something to you?"
"No," Sidney sharply replies. She broke up with Billy a few weeks ago. She wasn't attracted to him and she didn't think it was fair to continue the relationship. He, still, continues to try and change her mind. "I just— why don't I like Billy? You always tell me how he's so perfect and all the girls love him..."
Tatum sighs and moves over to the other bed that she bought specifically for Sidney when she sleeps over. Somehow they always end up in one bed by the morning. She sits cross cross and is directly facing her best friend. Sidney can smell Tatum's strawberry shampoo from where she sitting, and she can already feel herself falling into a hazy trance.
"So what? You're not attracted to Billy. There are so much better men out there." Tatum says it like it's not big deal, but Sidney's heart sinks and she feels the walls closing in on her.
Tatum notices that Sid's not content with her response. There's something deeper that's bugging her. "You don't need a boyfriend anyways. You have your best friend." Tatum nudges Sidney's shoulder and she only slightly smiles. Right. Her Best friend. That seems to be the problem.
"It's just that every time Billy touches me I just want to be small and run away. But everytime you even hug me I feel safe and it's comforting." Tatum's eyebrows raise at her best friends confession. Sidney doesn't even process what had been said until she sees Tatum's reaction. "Oh. I didn't mean it like—"
"It's fine," Tatum says. She doesn't want Sidney to work herself up, she doesn't want Sidney to stop talking either. "Keep talking."
Sidney was always very smart, but Tatum knew more about love and relationships than her. She was never interested and always had to pretend that she wasn't staring at the women in a romcom when Tatum would make her watch them.
"I know you're my best friend. It's supposed to feel this way."
"What way?" Tatum pushes, because they'll get nowhere if she doesn't. Sidney is good at doubting herself and falling back on her feelings.
"Like...jealous when Stu holds your waist or kisses you," Sidney admits, and her cheeks burn a bright shade of red because deep down she knows that that's not what best friends are supposed to feel. And deep down she knows that she wants to be able to kiss her the way Stu does.
Tatum reaches out and holds onto Sidney's waist. It's awkward because they're sitting down, but Sidney can only focus on the feeling of gentle fingertips on her body. Every time Billy tries to hold her like that, she squirms away. He's too aggressive with it and his fingers poke too hard into her skin. 
"Like this?" Tatum asks, referring to what makes Sidney so jealous.
"Mhm." Sidney's voice is weak and fragile, and if they weren't sitting so close then Tatum wouldn't have even heard her.
"I hate when Billy would touch you like this," she moves her hand down to Sidney's thigh. Closer to her knee than anything because she respects her best friend.
Tatum watches a lump go down Sidney's throat as she swallows down her anxiety. "You got jealous of us too?"
"Mhm," Tatum now says, sounding more sensual than Sidney did. "Made me so mad. Wanna know why?" All Sidney can do now is nod. She really, really, wants to know why, but she forgot how to even speak.
"Because I wanted to do that to you." Tatum whispers it, and they're so close that Sidney actually hears it. She can feel her best friends breath against her face and it makes her shiver. But she's not even cold. Why does she feel this way?
"Well...you— you finally got to," Sidney says and nervously chuckles. She feels like she ruined that moment but Tatum doesn't bat an eye.
"Maybe you should kiss me. So I can get the real idea."
Sidney doesn't even move. She doesn't even know how to do this. She's been in a romantic relationship but this is with Tatum. Her best friend, another woman, someone who actually makes her heart beat faster than it should.
"I don't know how..." Sidney trails off and hopes that her best friend comes to an understanding of her resistance. She wants to kiss Tatum so bad that it's actually dizzying, but she doesn't want to ruin it.
"Kiss me like you kiss Billy."
Sidney feels a boost of confidence with this. Tatum wants her to kiss her. She just wonders if Tatum wants it in the same way she does. She couldn't possibly...right?
Sidney puts her hand on Tatum's jaw so she doesn’t move. And it takes her a minute to actually put her lips on Tatum's. Her skin is just so fucking soft under her fingertips.
She finally moves her face closer. Her lips taste sweet like the cherry lollipops that she always sucks on. And then Sidney can't stop thinking about that goddamn lollipop and the way that her favorite blonde stares her down as she licks it. Suddenly, everything starts to piece together and make sense.
And she doesn't kiss Tatum like she kisses Billy. She kisses her likes she really wants it, like she needs it. That not how she kisses him.
The kiss doesn't last long, but neither of them seem to move more than a couple centimeters away from each other. They stare back at one another like they've witnessed the collapse and creation of the world.
Sidney doesn't know where to go from here. She liked it more than she thought she would.
"Do you feel something right here," Tatum pokes Sidney's stomach as she speaks, "that you don't feel when you kiss Billy?"
Sidney doesn't even want to answer that, because she can hardly even admit to it in the safety of her own head. Her face is a deeper shade of red now and Tatum's bright light is only accentuating that. That itself answers Tatum's question.
All Sidney does is nod and she doesn't understand why she feels the need to cry at this confession. She doesn't though. She just bites her tongue because crying right now would just be embarrassing.
"Me too." Sidney feels a little better at Tatum's same confession. If only it weren't for the nagging anxiety in the pit of her stomach. She wasn't supposed to like this. Her dad probably wouldn't approve and the entire school would be even more disgusted with her than they all already are. "I'm really into you, Sid."
But, suddenly, she doesn't care what anyone else thinks. All that matters is the fact that she just kissed her best friend and liked it. All that matters is that Tatum Riley just admitted to the same feelings Sidney has.
Sidney leans forward and presses her lips against Tatum's again. It's enough to show her that her feelings are certainly reciprocated.
Before Sidney knows it, she's being pushed back on the bed and Tatum's on-top, straddling her. Tatum's never moves her lips away from Sidney's. She can't get enough of the sweet taste of her best friend.
Tatum's blonde hair tickles Sidney's face and her body pressed against her makes her feel warm. But all she can think about is the way Tatum's tongue glides across her bottom lip, or even the way that her breasts press again her body. She thinks she's going to melt in this warmth.
Tatum's the one to pull back. She looks for any sign of discomfort on Sidney's face, but she can't seem to find it. She wants to keep kissing her, making her feel alive, but she can see her best friend is struggling to keep her heavy eyes open.
Maybe they should both sleep now. Maybe they should sleep and clear their heads.
Sidney holds Tatum by the back of her neck and tries to bring her in for more but she doesn't reciprocate it. She worries for a moment that she went too far, but Sidney quickly pushes back those thoughts as Tatum speaks. "You're so tired," she says. And it's the simplest thing in the world. They just made out, they just confessed their feelings, but Sidney's tired and she needs to sleep.
"I know but I wanna kiss you," her words are almost slurred. She's so drunk on Tatum. She needs to make up for all those years that she didn't kiss her best friend.
Tatum plops herself beside Sidney on the bed and before the young brunette can cuddle closer, she's being pulled on top of Tatum by her waist. She didn't know Tatum was that strong. Maybe she's just too sleepy.
She lays her head down on Tatum chest and the blonde girls arm wraps around Sidney's body. She feels so safe here. She hasn't felt so safe and comfortable since her mother died. But nobody can hurt her in Tatum's arms. She can rest. Finally, she can rest without being so afraid.
Tatum could stay up all night to make Sidney feel good, but Sidney was always had a schedule with herself. She would never be able to get up for school if she didn't go to bed. And Tatum cares more about Sidney's needs and wants than her own.
"Goodnight, Sid," Tatum says, and continues in a whisper, "I love you."
She's said it before. Of course she has. She loves her best friend. But now she loves her...girlfriend? Is that what she is now?
Sidney eyes quickly start closing in the comfort of her lovers arms until she's fully asleep. Tatum just watches with a gentle smile on her face. Watches the way her long dark eyelashes flutter, watches the way that her teeth show through the small gap of her parted lips.
She too eventually drifts off.
-
Sidney always thinks of Tatum as the sun goes down, and now it rises with her in Tatum's arms. It's a full circle, she's think. She's so glad that circles are never ending.
When Sidney wakes up, she's still in Tatum's arms, and the girl is still sleeping. She knows there's school today, and she's a good girl; she gets good grades and doesn't miss any days of school. But was the feeling of academic success better than this? She'd rather lay here in Tatum's warm arms than sit on a cold hard chair all day. So she simply doesn't wake her up.
Sidney tries to hold in a giggle at the way that Tatum's nose scrunches in her sleep as stray frizzy hair tickles her nose. She bites down on her lip, hardly realizing that she's nearly drawing blood. Her finger lightly trace the outline of the young blondes pale jawline.
She wants to lean down and replace her fingers with her lips, but her desires are interrupted by Tatum's eyes fluttering open. Her dark eyes were flaked with gold and Sidney seemed to be mesmerized by it. It suddenly didn't matter that they had this confusing affair going on. All that mattered was the way Tatum looked at Sidney like the sky rose and fell with her.
"Good morning," Tatum says it first, because she could see how lost Sidney looked.
Neither of them make an effort to move out of each others arms. It was then that they realized that they didn’t need to just sleep whatever happened last night off. They truly wanted what they gave each other.
"Mornin," Sidney responds and Tatum can hardly understand her when the brunette slurs her words with the way her mouth moves again hers.
Tatum's taken back but the sudden confidence in her lover. Her cheeks shine a bright shade of pink in the morning sunlight that peaks through the crack of her sheer curtains. She focuses on how noticeable Sidney's freckles are in the morning light, and the way that her lips are still plump from the kiss. She thinks she can get used to waking up like this.
"We gotta get dressed. Sorry for not waking you." Sidney’s not truly sorry. She knows Tatum shows up late to school most of the time and that she’d rather stay here in bed with her anyways.
Sidney attempts to get up, but Tatum grabs her arm and keeps her in place. There’s something in the way that Tatum grabs her that isn’t so greedy and aggressive. Her heart doesn’t sink when she’s pulled back. She doesn’t wonder if that hand around her arm is going to squeeze too tight until she just explodes. Tatum’s gentle, and her fingertips softly brush against Sidney’s arms while she holds it.
“Not so fast,” Tatum speaks to her in a quiet, tired manner. Her eyes are still foggy with sleep, and her brain is still in a dreamlike state. Maybe it’s just Sidney. Maybe she feels like she’s in a dream because she’s curled up in bed with Sid.
“We’re gonna be late—” Her words are cut off by the soft press of Tatum’s lips shutting her up. She sighs into it. A gentle, content sigh. And suddenly nothing else in the world matters too much.
“Okay now we can get dressed,” Tatum says, and gets up, but it takes Sidney a moment to process it.
-
Tatum sits at her vanity while she finishes up her makeup and begins doing her hair. Sidney’s stands in the background of Tatum’s mirror while she throws her clothes on. The young blonde tries so hard not to be distracted by Sidney’s lacy white bra on her body, or the soft pale skin of her stomach. She tries so hard to focus on her hair.
She gets frustrated as she tries to run a brush through her hair though. It's so frizzy and tangled and the more she brushes it, the puffier it gets. Tatum loves fashion and makeup, but as soon as she has to do her hair, it's a lost cause.
Sidney notices Tatum's struggle and walks over to her. She stands behind her and looks at her through the vanity mirror. "Stop fussing. Do you want me to do two braids for you?" Sidney talks so gentle and all of Tatum's anger flutters away. She picks up her brush before she even gets a response because she can't stand seeing Tatum so frustrated.
"Yeah. Thanks."
Tatum's picky with who touches her hair. In middle school, she was so stubborn that she wouldn't even let her own mother help her brush and style it. She would wait until she got to school to let Sidney do it for her. Sidney was always better at doing hair than she was and it never hurt when she brushes through all the knots for her.
She watched Sidney through the mirror the entire time that her hands work on her hair. Her eyes almost flutter closed as she has her blonde strands brushed through but she's too entranced by Sidney.
When she's done with her task, she looks at the braided hairstyle in the mirror. Instead, she meets Tatum's eyes, locking with hers. It's makes both of their cheeks burn a bright shade of red. Tatum doesn't get embarrassed that often, but this had caught her off guard.
Sidney finally clears her throat and lightly smiles. "All done. Ya like?"
"Love it, Sid. Thank you." They both pretend like it didn't happen. But then Tatum decides to stand up and kiss Sidney's pink cheek. She thinks it adorable how Tatum has to stand on her tippy toes to kiss her, especially with Sidney having a small heel on her boot.
Sidney turns her head to the side so she can properly kiss Tatum this time. Both girls are flustering messes at this point, but neither of them can stop.
"We should go have breakfast before we're late." Sidney says, somehow having Tatum's confidence rubbed off onto her now.
"Breakfast. Right. C'mon."
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mae-gi-writes · 10 months
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dial 199 | jeon wonwoo
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In which you think you’re past saving, but the person on the other end of the line manages to pull you out of your dark waters.
Genre: angst, suicidal thoughts, reader is showing signs of depression.
If you believe you have symptoms and need to consult someone, please take that courage and do so. I swear life gets better.
———
“Hello, how may I help you?”
The gruff male voice at the other end of the line sounded raspy, as though the guy had just woken up from sleep. Or maybe you had interrupted him in mid-doze.
Your fingers tightened over the receiver. From your spot on the bench, nobody would see you amidst the darkness of the campus. It was practically midnight, after all.
“Is this WGU?” You managed to whisper in half-shame ad half embarrassment.
You were glad this wasn’t an in-person service because by god you would’ve never stepped foot in their office. But as desperate ass you were, you had no choice.
“Yes, this is WGU, also known as the “We Got You” committee. Anything I can help with?” The voice on the other end softened slightly, “are you in a safe space where you can talk without being interrupted?”
“I—“ you debated on lying, and decided against it, “actually I’m in the middle of the courtyard. I’m still on campus.”
“In the dark?”
“Yes. Not wise I know. But I couldn’t risk calling from my house, my housemates are there,” your throat ran dry. You swallowed thickly, “and honestly I just didn’t feel comfortable knowing that they might hear.”
“That’s understandable. How can I help?”
He said it so casually, as though he was a mere employee at a grocery store helping you pick out a shade of lipstick. Your grip on your phone was so tight your knuckles turned white.
You took a deep breath. Exhaled softly through your mouth. Then, spoke once more.
“I—This is confidential right? And nothing that I speak about will go beyond this conversation?”
“You do not have to give me your name nor do you have to give me any details. Everything is, and will stay, anonymous and confidential,” he then added, “unless you want to tell me. But that’s up to you.”
“Okay,” you bit your lip, “okay. So uhm—what shall I call you? Sir?”
“Call me Woo,” he said, “that’s what my friends call me.”
“Ah okay, uh, Mr. Woo—“
“Just Woo will do.”
“Uhm yes so, Woo—“ you stumbled over your words, “I—I’m really sorry to be calling at such a late hour, first of all.”
“That’s fine. I’m on the night shift anyway so you’re right on time.” You heard him shifting, “tell me, what’s been on your mind? Anything I can help with?”
“Well, the thing is—“ you felt the hard lump in your throat, the one that you couldn’t swallow, “I—I have a problem. I’ve been feeling very…how to say this? Negative, lately.”
“Negative? Can you try to explain what that means?”
“Like, very overwhelmed and just tired. I can’t seem to focus in class and my mind’s all over the place. My brain can’t stop thinking and I’m so homesick that I barely go out and—“
The tears came out by then, flooding over and taking you by surprise as you tried to silence your sobs. Woo waited at the other end of the line as you silently cried into the receiver, shoulders shaking and lips trembling every time your chest shuddered with emotion. It ripped through you like a cord that had snapped and suddenly you found yourself crying for so many reasons; the stress that came with midterms, the fact that all your other friends seemed to have settled and not you, the fact that maybe you were never going to fit in. The fact that you missed home more than you could imagine.
There were so many things, so many reasons to be angry at the world. And as you cried and cried and cried, you wondered briefly whether Woo had known he was going to sign up for this when he decided to join the WGU community. Probably not.
The poor boy was probably regretting all of his decisions right then, right now.
“Miss? Are you okay?” His familiar baritone seeped back through the receiver, which you kept a desperate clutch on like it was your lifeline, “I’m still here,” you gasped out.
“Alright we’re going to talk about all the things you just mentioned, okay? But first I want you to do something for me,” he instructed in a manner so calm you found yourself listening, “you’re going to take a super deep breath. And then breathe in. And then you’re going to hold it for as long as you can. Ready?”
He breathed in and you did the same, listening to the sound of air getting sucked into his chest before you held on tight. The air burned through your lungs and somehow, everything went quiet.
“Breathe out,” he murmured, and you followed.
You did that two more times before you managed to find your breath. It stuttered, it spun and sobs kept bubbling up your throat. But Woo drew your focus back in, not letting you get distracted just for one second.
When you finally managed to come down from whatever chaotic minefield in your brain, Woo murmured out, “feel better?”
“A little bit,” you admitted somewhat shyly.
You didn’t know this man. Yet he felt so comfortable to talk to, so reassuring.
“You want to try and re-explain what you’re really struggling with?” He asked tentatively, in a manner that felt so ope and non-judge mental.
“I think,” you bit at your lip, squeezed your eyes shut and let the words fall from your mouth in a whisper, “I think I might be depressed.”
There was a pause. Before he said, “okay, can you elaborate a bit more? What makes you think that?”
“Well, I—I’m always thinking of negative things and even when I try to cheer myself up I can’t. I want to go out and hang out with friends, but I can’t because I feel like—like nobody wants me there anyway, or that it doesn’t matter if I’m there or not. I don’t make a difference,” your shoulders lift in a shrug, capturing a sob mid-way, “I feel like I don’t belong anywhere and I’m constantly questioning why the heck am I here, am I still alive when maybe, maybe I shouldn’t.”
“Thank you,” Woo said, “that must’ve been hard.”
You laughed, though it was more to mask the fact that what he said was true. It had been the hardest thing you’d ever done.
“Sometimes, when you’re in that negative headspace, you tend to overthink and over feel quite a lot. It’s a normal reaction when you’re stuck in your head,” he started out, “and, by the way, I’m not just saying this to make you feel better. It’s—I know how it feels like. I’ve been there, too. And the thing is, it’s so hard to get out of your own head sometimes. It feels like drowning.”
Yes. It did feel like drowning. You nodded, before realizing he couldn’t see you, “yeah, it does feel a bit like drowning.”
“And it feels lonely, because you’re the only one who knows what it really feels like. You’re the only one trying to catch your breath. Everyone just seems to be going on with their lives and you’re there, wishing for someone to see you.”
“Yeah, sounds about right. I just—“ you sigh, “there’s no point in living if people don’t even know I exist.”
“You want someone to care, after all. Even if you want to be alone.”
“It’s complicated. I want someone to see me, but then again I don’t want to be a burden.”
“We were made to be burdens. People have to rely on other people to live,” Woo said softly, “and it’s okay to be a burden once in a while because that’s what makes us human. We’re not superheroes.”
Relying on other people meant to tell people what was hidden in the grooves of your heart and honestly, you weren’t sure whether you wanted to share that with them. Those deep, dark secrets that made your insides churn just at the thought. Who would entertain such thought? They’d merely brand you as crazy and drop you off at the psychiatrists as quickly as you’d come.
You didn’t want that. If you were to find professional help, you’d do it on your own.
But you weren’t ready. Not yet.
Maybe not ever.
“Look, I don’t think it’s fair to ask you to be better as soon as you reach out. That’s not how it works,” Woo said, “but imagine that you have with you a super big guard dog. It’s all black and people don’t really like it. Actually, they’re scared of it.”
You tried following his suggestion. Your guard dog would be a husky, despite the fact that Woo said he’d be all black. Maybe an all-black husky?
“Okay,” you whispered into the receiver, holding it closer to you on instinct.
“Great. Now this dog. People fear it and normally you don’t mind it’s presence. Actually, you never really wanted a dog but he suddenly showed up one day. As a pup. So who were you to resist him right?”
You weren’t entirely sure where he was going with this, but you hummed in agreement anyway.
“That dog takes up a lot of your free time, and at some point he might become so big that it overwhelms you,” Woo said, “isn’t it a bit like what you’re feeling right now?”
You blinked. Somehow, that kind of made sense. You replayed his words in your head and felt your brain clear a little, like mist suddenly evaporating in the dead of night.
Your fingers loosened on the phone. Somehow, air seemed to go through your lungs a little easier. Your heart felt a little lighter.
A black guard dog filled with negative emotions. That was what you ultimately carried around. Woo had found the perfect metaphor to make you realize that this wasn’t entirely you. It was something that perhaps was uncontrollable and yet, could be controlled to some extent.
It didn’t have to rule your life. It didn’t have to rule your emotions. It didn’t have to make you sad all the time and angry at the world for not understanding the tremors inside you.
The words felt like butter as they left your mouth. It felt like a breath of fresh air the next time you spoke, “thank you.”
“Did that potentially bring down your sadness by at least one percent?”
“It really did,” the faintest of smiles played along your lips, “thank you.”
“No need. That’s what we do after all. I’m glad you’re feeling a little better.”
“Well I still feel like I should thank you anyway, because—“ you paused, “you’re the only one who actually listened.”
He chuckled but didn’t say anything more. You sat there for a few long, drawn out moments, wondering how just five minutes ago you were practically a ball of unrestrained feelings that seemed on the verge of breaking. And now there was a soothing calm that made your mind pause, that made everything still and steady until it was easy enough to breath again.
It was almost as though you’d managed to break out of the water, breathing in fresh air like your life depended on it.
“Thank you,” you said again, “thank you so much.”
“Just remember me next time, if ever you call.” Woo teased, “if someone else answers the phone you can say that you’re used to talking to Woo. They’ll transfer you straight over.”
“Are you on shift the whole night?”
“Until five in the morning.”
“You don’t have classes the next day?”
“Thank god no. I don’t think I would’ve survived. I have a free day tomorrow until four in the afternoon, so it’s not that bad.”
“That sounds nice. I have an eight in the morning. English Lit.”
“Wha—the wonder of people choosing morning classes will always be a mystery to me.”
“The logic is that you can get everything out of the way quicker so you don’t have to linger around on campus for nothing.”
He hummed, “I do agree, that sounds smart.”
“I should probably go to bed though, it’s late,” you check your watch as you spoke, eyes rounding at the clock showing one in the morning, “oh shit. I’m really going to struggle tomorrow.”
“Do you really have to wake up early?”
“Well yeah, otherwise I’ll miss my bus and I’ll have to catch up.”
“Maybe it’s good that you get to sleep in, don’t you think?” He prompted, “don’t you deserve that much, after the night you just had?”
A knot of anxiety settled in your stomach, “but—then I—“
“No buts,” he cut you off, “you deserve that much, Y/N. Trust me. You deserve to take a break and enjoy just being.”
there was a moment of silence as you pondered over his suggestion and your mind was already assessing the pros and cons, only for you to shut them all up and say, “you’re right. I think I deserve that much.”
“Good. Now will you do me a favor? Go home and get some sleep?”
“I will.”
“Alright. You’ll be okay, right?”
“I will,” you softened, “Thanks a lot, Woo.”
“Goodnight, Y/N. Sweet dreams.”
“Goodnight Woo.”
It wasn’t until you were halfway to your house that you realized you’d never told him your name.
———
Wonwoo watched you go from his perch on the streetlight lamp. It wasn’t the steadiest of landing points but this was the best way to watch your figure walk without catching attention. He just wanted to make sure you were safe and sound, especially at this hour where everything could happen.
His wings brushed against his back as he kept gazing at your retreating figure in the distance, the softest of smiles gracing his face, “you’ll be alright, Y/N.”
———
A/N: Hoped you liked this little one shot, inspired from true events. I’ve been feeling severely under the weather to the point that it’s taken two days of reality away from me and I wish it never happens again. This is a gentle reminder to all of you to take care of yourselves, and that someone out there is always going to care, and to want to listen.
Love you all, friends <;3
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titleleaf · 6 days
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If Hannigram do end up having sex in s4 or s5, do you think Will is going to dom Hannibal?
On the one hand: I don’t think there’s going to be a s4/s5 at this point and I’m fine with that. I don’t enjoy a lot of what’s been floated as planned for future seasons and I’m skeptical of how much of that was ever really going to be on the table just because of how making a TV show works. Idk what we’ll see or not see there. On the other hand: that means I and every other writer/artist/fan has a blank check for what they would want to see in that time frame. I can’t say what I think we would see but I can definitely hold forth at length about what I would write if I were somehow in charge of the Official Hannigram Paddling Sequence.
The thing that makes any kind of dominance/submission dynamic between them so fraught is of course all the very unsimulated betrayal and violence, but a lot of things could conceivably happen after that game changer s3 finale. So taking it for granted that they finally recognize that they do in fact want to fuck each other, and in the alternate universe where they’re permitted to fuck nasty, I do think Will could and would dom Hannibal — but it would be with their customary level of 4D-chess mind games in play. Hannibal submitting to anybody (and I do think he has wonderful subby moments, especially with Bedelia) is always like one of those optical illusions where the silhouette of a vase is produced by the negative space between two faces. They both know what he’s capable of and what he’s done in the past, so what he’s not doing is as important to the scene as what he *is* doing.
So without further ado, because I did 100% ask for weird Hannigram sex asks, here are some thoughts on yaoi weird Hannigram sex. (Content note: discussion of risk-aware consensual but undernegotiated kink, sex, elements of consensual non-consent, hypothetical consent issues/canon-typical mental cruelty.)
I do think Will would have a lot of complex emotions and desires to unpack in a sexual encounter where a consensual(ish) exploration of fantasy is the whole point, and that Hannibal would be receptive to that — one of my favorite flavors of dom!Will is with Hannibal really gratified by and getting off on the darker emotions Will would be more hesitant to explore during a sex/kink scenario with someone who, bluntly, he didn’t feel on some level deserved it. (Or as Hannibal might prefer to frame that, was worthy of those emotions.) He has a lot of real anger to tap into and I think the exploratory and experimental space of kink would allow him to express and come to terms with some of his more contradictory impulses where Hannibal’s concerned. That kind of kinky theatrical engagement lends itself to dialogue and exploration, kind of a horny improv comedy situation where two people conspire together to bring each other pleasure and catharsis, which I think Will might, if he could get past all his turbo guilt, enjoy. The fact that Hannibal enjoys the *thought* of Will hurting him physically (up to the point of… yk, murder) precludes that being really satisfying as pure revenge, but it also gives Will a kind of permission to get pretty wild with it while still feeling love and tenderness for this guy. I also think Will’s weird reciprocal powers of imagination and empathy would make a funky feedback loop between him and a partner with appropriately complicated kinks — identifying what gets somebody off and why, then getting off on getting them off on a deep and intimate level. It’s the more benign version maybe of getting satisfaction out of perceiving what will hurt Hannibal most (in the unsexy, unwanted, non-negotiated sense) and then doing exactly that. Sapiosexuality but for only being able to get off on probing the inner workings of very conceptually complicated fetishes.
The real impediment besides Will’s own guilt (and any painful emotions he might have surviving that s3 finale) would be Hannibal’s irresistible need to poke and prod at other people’s brains. I don’t love the way people use the pejorative sense of “topping from the bottom” — too often it’s so ill defined that it gets into ugly essentialist territory and I think overstepping the bounds in a kink scene can go in any direction, it’s not fine when a dom oversteps either — but Hannibal is not really great at respecting limits and he’s fully capable of going too far and inflicting unwanted mental cruelty even if he’s totally physically immobilized. (In fact, it’s kind of the character’s thing, arguably.) So getting Hannibal to play nice long enough for Will to play with him at all would be tough, but not impossible with the right incentives.
If they can engage in that dynamic as sort of co-conspirators and collaborators instead of being genuinely adversarial I think they could both get a lot out of being on either side of the equation. (This goes for sex in general, I think, I don’t see either of them as a die-hard exclusive top or bottom. Hannibal would have pretentious thoughts about this and about the complexities of power and pleasure while I think Will, under ideal conditions, would enjoy the flexibility of switching roles and exploring different sides of himself.) Hannibal has a whole worthy-opponent thing which is very wonderfully horny so I think he’d get off a lot on being forced/yk, “””forced””” to submit if that meant similarly forcing/“forcing” Will into being brutal with him (with whatever level of real vs. play-acted resistance) and Will would get off on having a designated space (if never exactly a safe space given Hannibal’s a dangerous guy) to explore his capacity for violence without the fear of losing control of himself or of hurting somebody who’s not fine with being hurt under those conditions. I uhhhhh have a fic where post-s3 Will consensually hunts down Hannibal for sport and fucks him when he catches him so I have lots of thoughts about how they could conceivably bone. Either of them can perform their dominance of the other purely verbally but I feel like this pairing/dynamic combo pairs well with rough body play/impact play, verbal humiliation of a horny variety, ruined orgasms, orgasm denial, rope bondage, and de facto honor bondage/compelling him to endure uneasy positions of anticipation and expectation. (“Hold perfectly still while I shave you even though you know I could fully cut your throat with your own stupid expensive straight razor” 👌👌👌👌) Lots of emotions and skirting different types of edgeplay. Invoking the real nuclear option(s) in terms of their respective relationship insecurities/traumas would escalate things in an unsexy way neither of them would enjoy, but Hannibal enjoys being seen by Will and Will could get a strong reaction out of him without even laying a hand on him. Or while laying hands on him very sparingly. Special Investigator Graham, you must simply edge 👏 that 👏 man. 👏
It’s always a touchy situation between them and I don’t think it would get any less touchy with them on the run together, but I can imagine lots of possibilities for the two of them to explore their complicated feelings for each other through the time honored medium of bossing a hot older man around sexually.
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sparkingcircuits · 3 months
Text
HIKIKI AU CHARACTER DESCRIPTIONS: The Headspace Cast!
(also thanks to @/princesstears0901 for the au name i actually love it so much it’s so clever)
Kiki: Our main character of sorts, and the youngest of the group! He doesn’t seem to talk much, or really at all, but he’s still quite the friendly face! He has been working on being more assertive, thanks to Carmine’s encouragement, so he usually takes the lead when him and his friends go on adventures!
He doesn’t specialize in any specific type on his team, and when it is needed, his weapon of choice is his trusty knife.
Carmine: Kiki’s wonderful sister! She’s strong, assertive, and determined, but can be a bit rude and snarky at times. She means well, though! She’s been trying to get Kiki to stand up for himself more often, and the progress she’s seen has made her very happy! She and Drayton tend to get into a LOT of banter, sometimes seeming like a full blown argument, but those that have been around the two know they’re just messing with each other!
She doesn’t specialize in any specific type on her team, and she tends to stay by their picnic tables while the others go on adventures.
Amarys: One of Carmine’s best friends, and also is friends with everyone else! She’s quite smart, and always tells the truth, even if it may hurt. Kiki finds it nice that she would never lie to him. She can sometimes be a bit blunt with her words, and others might see her as a bit of an odd one out when looking over the whole group, but her friends don’t care, they’re friends after all!
She specializes in steel types, and much prefers to use her team in battles. Though, if required, she will use her metal bat to protect herself or her friends.
Crispin: One of the most social members of the group, Crispin is quite the energetic person! Sometimes he may miss a social cue here or there, but that’s fine! He’s got quite the passion for cooking, especially when it comes to spicy food. He prefers it much better when everyone is happy, as to him, everyone seems to linger just a bit too long on negative emotions. He can be a bit blunt, like Amarys, so the two occasionally get into small arguments. It’s never too big of an issue, though!
He specializes in fire types, and if needed, will use his trusty frying pan as a weapon, using both to heal up his friends, and to burn the enemies with spice!
Drayton: One of the oldest members of the group, Drayton is quite the character. He tends to playfully make fun of the others, which sometimes can make him seem like a douche, but he does care for his friends! He just shows it in his own way, is all. Since Carmine tends to stay behind when they go on adventures, Drayton has taken the role of the “adult” of the group, which, may or may not have been the best decision. He does keep them out of trouble, though, and that can’t be ignored, even if Kiki thinks he’s a bit annoying sometimes.
He specializes in dragon types, and his weapon of choice is his “sparkling personality,” aka, he mostly just makes sure the others are okay instead of fighting himself.
Lacey: Last, but definitely not least, is Lacey! One might call her the peacekeeper of the group, as she tends to make sure the arguments within the group don’t get too extreme! A kind and gentle soul, but don’t underestimate her, she is also quite strong, and has a very high sense of right and wrong. She also has an in depth knowledge of fairy types, which also gives her a bit of a knowledge on plants, as there are a good few fairy types that have some involvement with nature. But just because they’re cute does not mean they are weak, and Lacey will make sure that people know that!
Her specialty is fairy types, and she doesn’t have a weapon of choice, since she doesn’t really like battling in hand to hand combat.
Unfortunately, Lacey is currently missing.. Hopefully Kiki and his friends will be able to find her soon!
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thewayuarents · 9 months
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The end of season two and why Crowley and Aziraphale deserve it
Neil can be harsh to his character but he’s never cruel to them. Because he loves them (and us. And we love them. And they definitely love each other. Ask why? The answer is always love). The ending of season might left us heartbroken, of course, but it is important and right.
I, as many, understood Crowley’s position easily while I was watching. And I had to make an effort and go through a lot of mental work to understand Aziraphale. And the beauty of their conflict is that from their positions both of them are right (both of them are also wrong about talking their positions through but that’s fine).
But we, as viewers, know that Aziraphale is making a mistake. We know, that he can’t change Heavens because Heavens don’t need that. We know, that he is not important for them. We know, that there is something different and complicated about his promotion. We know that, Crowley knows that, but Aziraphale doesn’t. So he makes a mistake.
And the thing is, he deserves a right to make this mistake. Because he deserves a right to learn. Otherwise he will make this mistake again and again.
Unlike Crowley, Aziraphale has never faced the real negative consequences of his actions. He didn't fall like Crowley. He had never experienced the death of his best friend. And now this mistake is coming with consequences for him, and the first of them has already happened - Aziraphale made a mistake, and because of this he lost the most important thing in his life - he lost Crowley.
It's different with Crowley. We all know he's right, kind of. But he is right in his judgments, but not in his decisions. His solution (now and in any situation in general) is to leave, to escape, and this solution would be the best way for them, unlike… These two don’t know how not to interfere. The story with Maggie and Nina, every flashback, all this in the season for a reason (for a lot of reasons obviously) - it shows us that Crowley and Aziraphale are literally unable to step aside. They won’t let the Earth be destroyed. They won't stop caring about the world. They are not Gabriel and Beelzebub, for them flying away is not an option.
So Crowley's reaction is a bit wrong, because it is self-deception. But he also deserves it. He deserves his right for anger and disappointment, for a depressive "no nightingales", for a chaotic kiss that solves nothing (and not at all about love, and only complicates everything even more), for all his words and emotions. Because Crowley has to learn his lesson, too.
The scariest thing in a world for Crowley, something motivates all his actions and decisions in the second season - is the fear of losing Aziraphale. And this is understandable, he has already gone through this trauma, and that can’t go away by itself. And even though Aziraphale didn't die, Crowley's fear, pain, grief and despair were real and they left their mark.
So the lesson Crowley has to learn is that he won't be able to shield Aziraphale from all dangers. Yes, I know, they like this little game where Aziraphale stands and waits, and Crowley comes and saves, because, well, they've been on Earth for 6000 years and it's necessary to diversify the relationship somehow. But in reality, Crowley has to accept the fact that Aziraphale is a separate independent being who can make controversial decisions and perform actions that will put him in danger. That can lead him to pain or even death (and Aziraphale does it. Constantly). And Crowley needs to come to terms with the fact that there will always be such a risk - he can lose Aziraphale. Because that's how life works. And when he accepts it, he can still choose to be with Aziraphale if he wants to (and, spoiler alert, he will).
So yes, they deserve this ending. Because it’s not only about their separation and pain, it’s about them learning. And it’s uneasy, painful, but necessary process. I know these two will learn their lessons. And when it happens, they will get their deserved ending - which will undoubtedly be happy and not quite the ending but a continuation of their eternal story.
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kiaracarrera · 1 year
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OBX Season 3 Ramblings and Thoughts: Part One:
So can we all collectively agree that Big John was kind of the worst and there was way too much screen time for him and not enough screen time of all the Pouges together? - I did love that the name ‘Big John’ actually fit though and not just in a sense of ‘big = dad’ because the height on Charles Halford alone was enough to make it seem like John B was actually a child and not a grown man playing a child.
I love this show with all my heart and soul but what makes it truely magic to me is the friendships and the togetherness and the found family elements. The lack of that this season really affected my personal viewing pleasure in a negative way.
As much as I loved seeing all the duo pairings this season I am so so annoyed that Kiara, Cleo, JJ and in particular Pope weren’t part of that finale El Dorado cave treasure hunt. I don’t even wanna talk about it because it makes me so annoyed. (I will totally talk about it with anyone that wants too though hahaha)
The emotional journey I went on with John B and Topper as individuals boy oh boy.
John B was my fave in season 1 and my least fave in season 2 and this season I both adored him and he irritated the absolute shit out me, overall I think as the leading character it’s hard not to root for John B but I think his storyline will be greatly improved having Big John out of the picture in Season 4.
Topper whyyyy. I actually fully stanned Topper for like 90% of this season and I have no shame in admitting it. He was ALWAYS down to help Sarah and in turn the Pouges and while some people may find his apprehension to break the law and get himself in near life or death situations frustrating, I personally found it relatable? I’d argue that the Pouges were worse to Topper than Topper was to the Pouges for most of this particular season and the way he was adamant he wasn’t going to get into a fight with John B at Mike and Anna’s anniversary party was hot idc what anyone has to say. Of course we can’t have nice things though so Topper had to fuck things up and burn shit to the ground - literally. Of all Topper’s questionably poor choices this one’s gotta be the one he can’t come back from. I think Austin North is superb as Topper but truthfully I would have payed good money to axe a quarter of the scenes he and Sarah shared and given them to Jiara instead.
Jiara season baby!! LOVED LOVED LOVED the build up of their story this season, it was expected but brilliant none the less. All the almost moments, the back and forth, the ‘I’m just a loser and you’ve got your whole future ahead of you’ angst of it all 😩. Then there’s the “Like I love you dude” - it wasn’t big or grand or showy but it was Kiara and it PERFECTION even if JJ’s reaction wasn’t what I personally would have wanted to see. THE KISSSSS. No words, other than I would have like JJ to be the one to say I love you first here but anyway let it be known that I’ve rewatched that scene too many times and ‘Hanging on the Telephone’ has been on repeat all day, thanks Soundcloud. Admittedly though the aftermath of the kiss was disappointing, with over an hour left of OBX we literally were given CRUMBS of them in that finale episode which was disappointing to say the least. I also have suspicions on where Jiara might be in season 4 with that time jump at the end of the season and the uh lack of interaction or affection between them but that’s a discussion for another day.
Speaking of the time jump - did it really need to be 18 months? Like 3 months great! 6 months fine, even like 8-9 months and I would have been like yeah okay 🤷🏽‍♀️ but 18 months!? A whole year and a half!? So much can happen in that time and that’s so much we’ve missed. Most notably the starting points of Jiara and Cleope!? What do you mean we don’t get to see where their relationship went after those monumental first kisses. I get a time jump because the actors are also aging up but 18 months just felt like too much. I’m interested to see what happens in season 4 at least.
In other shipper news Cleope - loved them. So sweet and Cleo is an absolute queen. Easily one of my favourite characters this season and I really enjoyed the journey her and Pope took and in particular Cleo’s relationship with The Hayward’s as a whole. What a beautiful addition to this show.
Did somebody say toxic? Oh wait it’s just John B and Sarah. I’m sorry, I know this is such a popular ship but I just absolutely cannot with them anymore. I have been so neutral on them over the past two seasons but between Sarah’s cheating and John B’s serious anger issues, at this point I surely can’t be the only one who thinks they both (John B in particular) need time to heal on their own before they come back together (and I mean like at least three quarters of a season broken up not just three episodes). I don’t know, obviously it’s been 18 months and they own a surf shop now and they’re both free of their bad dads so maybe things will be different in season 4 but I have VERY low exceptions.
Sarah’s understandably coping a bit of flack this season but I fall more neutral on my opinion on her this season. In season one she was my least favourite and in season two it was the opposite, this season my opinion on her falls somewhere in the middle. I did love that we got to see more of her friendships with the other Pouges outside of John B though! Another reason why I think it would be beneficial for her character to not be tied to John B’s permanently going forward. Sarah and Kiara’s friendship is always a highlight for me.
Putting this all the way down here at the bottom where people might not see because I’m low key ashamed… but RAFE 🤤 I’m sorrrry he’s just so freaking fine. Well at least until he opens his mouth or you know, moves 😅. I’ve seen a bit of a Rafe/Kiara rise with the new season releasing and look, I’m not judging because their shared scenes this season showed some major chemistry but in the name of all things good and well I’m going to stay strong and say our good sis Kiara deserves way better than to ever be pulled into any storyline that involves Rafe Cameron as a love interest. A friend? Maybe, potentially, I mean for someone who swore he was going to be coming for Kiara he did approximately nothing to fulfil that - which is exactly what good enemies to friends stories are made of, but as a romantic interest I’m going to pass thanks. I’ll stick to nurturing the potential that Jiara has.
Lastly bye bye Ward Cameron. It was fun knowing you truely! What a brilliant villain.
If I didn’t totally bore you and you made it this far please let me know what your fave and least fave moments of this season were and/or who your fave and least fave characters have been!! Would love to chat to you guys about this show 🥰🥰🥰
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flowersarefreetherapy · 7 months
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Hold On: There Is No Morning Glory
CW: Emotional whump, negative internal dialogue, implied past conditioning, dubcon kissing, complicated relationship dynamics
Previously, Star had been dreading this shift. Just him and Cindy, and her boyfriend who comes in halfway through her shift and doesn't leave. Ezra is at class and normally Star would feel his absence throughout his whole body.
Today is different. He moves through orders with robotic precision. Mixing and blending and handing out scones that usually melt in his mouth but the one he has on break tastes like ashes. Cindy glances at him but doesn’t speak. He doesn’t trust himself to speak either. Just make it through the shift, clock out, and–
No. Because Ezra can’t pick him up. Over the weeks they had formed a habit of him picking Star up, going to the Castillos with him, and staying late as they play games and talk for hours. Not now, not today, because he has his bonded waiting for him.
“It isn’t really my business to pry,” Cindy says during a lull in the customers. “But is everything alright?”
Star nods. “Yes. I’m fine.”
“Okay.” She draws out the word, one perfect eyebrow raised, somehow looking skeptical and understanding at the same time. Her eyeshadow is red today. 
Like blood.
Star shakes the thought away. He has to make it through this shift without crying in the freezer. His manager is already concerned enough as it is, he cannot be called into the office again. Instead, he takes a deep breath, plasters on a welcoming smile, and goes to greet the next customer. 
At the end of the shift, Cindy’s boyfriend walks over, keys in hand. They kiss and laugh about something. Star ignores them, slowly pulling on his jacket. He grabs his phone and checks it. No messages from Thad. Who is picking him up? He swallows back the lump in his throat. It’s a small change. He can handle it. Why is he getting worse at being able to handle things? Before he would barely blink. Why has it changed now?
“Star!”
Star’s head snaps up. Ezra stands in the doorway, a slight smile on his face. He’s wearing the dark leather jacket that matches his eyes and highlights the broadness of his shoulders. Beyond all that, it’s the joy in his eyes that draws Star forwards, moving before he realizes. 
“Hey there,” Ezra says. He sounds genuinely happy. “How’s your day been?”
“Good,” Star whispers, resting his forehead on Ezra’s shoulder. “Long. I, I, I’m tired.”
Ezra’s fingers comb through his hair. “Come on, let’s get you home. I have some leftover study candy I saved for you.”
Can I share with Daniel? “That sounds, um, that sounds–thank you.”
“It’s no problem at all.”
Star follows Ezra to the car, afraid of each step he takes. Closer to the car means closer to going home, closer to seeing Daniel, closer to being reminded so vividly of his stupid, selfish choices. This is all his fault. All. His. Fault. 
You don’t deserve candy. You don’t deserve his kindness. You don’t deserve any of this. Stupid whore. 
“How was, was, um, how was your day?” Star whispers as Ezra pulls into traffic. 
“It was good. Long. Paying attention to lectures was hard today.”
Star glances at Ezra, whose white-knuckled grip on the steering wheel tells him everything he needs to know. He’s angry, very angry. At him? No. Yes. Maybe? Does he hate him now, for going back to Daniel? Is he allowed to go back to Daniel? Star twists his hands in his lap, letting out a slow breath as he stares into oncoming traffic. 
“Have much home, homework?”
“Nope.”
“Oh. Good.”
Silence again. Star blinks rapidly, trying to ignore the burning in his eyes. He can’t cry. His cheeks get red when he cries and then he looks ugly. Ezra doesn’t want him to look ugly. He’s supposed to be pretty and poised and perfect, desirable. Attractive. Daniel thinks he’s pretty. Daniel loves him, even when his cheeks and nose are splotchy from tears. Ezra won’t love him when he sees how ugly Star actually is. 
“Cindy made cookies today,” Star whispers. “She, she, she showed me how.”
“That’s fun.”
“I was, was hoping you could, um, maybe you could show me? Next time?”
“I don’t usually make the cookies. I make the sandwiches.”
Star swallows back a sob. It catches in his throat and he hurries to cough, to cover up the sound, make sure that Ezra doesn’t get suspicious. Five more minutes, then they’ll be home. He can hide upstairs and cry then. 
Ezra clears his throat. “Um, but I would love to teach you if that’s what you want.”
Oh. Star sucks in a deep breath, then another, then another. A tear rolls down his cheek. No, no, no, no, he can’t cry! Not here! Not right now! He wipes his sleeve across his face, pretending more tears aren’t spilling free.
“Hey.” Ezra’s voice is soft, low. He holds out his hand and Star grips it, hating how his body shakes. “Hey, stjerne, what’s wrong?”
“Are, are, are you mad?” Star hiccups. He swipes again at his face, wincing as snot catches on his sleeve. Such an ugly crier. Stop that right now, starlight, no one is going to want you looking like that. “Are you mad at, at, at me?”
“No! No, no, no, I’m not mad at you, stjerne. I’m just . . .” Ezra sighs. “There’s a lot going on right now, Star. That’s all. A lot I have to think through.”
Star grips his hand so tightly he feels the bones shift. But he cannot make himself let go. Some small part of his brain whispers that if he lets go of Ezra’s hand, then he will never get him back again. He will be gone and leave and he cannot imagine his world without Ezra. Without Daniel.
“I, I understand.”
The car falls silent. Star scrubs at his face, hoping the splotching goes away. He can’t look ugly when he sees Daniel. He has to always look his best. Does he? Does Daniel still care? The Castillos don’t care, but they aren’t his bonded and they have other ideas about what he should be doing and saying and acting. They say he’s free and can do what he wants, but Star knows that isn’t true. 
The car stops and Ezra puts the car in park. The silence overwhelms Star’s senses and he focuses on the ticking of the engine as it cools down. After a moment, he unbuckles and reaches for the door handle.
“Are you, you coming to dinner?”
Ezra pushes locs back from his face. “I don’t know. I have a lot of homework to do.”
You just said you don’t have much. Why are you lying? Oh. Daniel. Daniel is here and he’s who Star should be focusing on, not the man who taught him to dip fries into a milkshake and which hair dye is the best for different types of hair and how to make the latte art he loves. But Daniel. Who taught him to cook and begged the handlers to leave him alone and was so soft and kind, no matter how Star acted. 
“Oh. That, that’s fine.” He pulls the sleeves of his work jacket over his fingers. “Thank you for, for, for driving me home.”
“No problem.” Ezra glances at the door, then says, “I’ll walk you to the door.”
Star nods and slips out of the car. His shoe lands in a puddle and he flinches. Now his sock is going to be wet and cold and he’s going to have to change them before dinner when he doesn't want to and he takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly. He digs his nails into his palms and counts to five.
“Stjerne?”
“I, I’m coming.”
Star hurries up to the door, Ezra right at his side. His hands shake as he reaches for his keys. Ezra beats him, sliding them into the lock with precision. Star keeps his gaze lowered as the door unlocks and Ezra steps back. Silence again. He hates the silence. From inside the house he hears the faint strains of upbeat music. Thad is home, hopefully cooking. 
“Ezra?” Star whispers. Please go, please don’t leave me, please stay here, I don’t want you to fight him, I want you to be happy, please kiss me, please please please please! What do I want? Help me!
Ezra smiles. The easygoing smile Star loves so much, the one he remembers so clearly from their first meeting when he gave him that cup and a scribbled number he couldn’t read. With a flourish, he takes Star’s hand and kisses it. 
“I love you so, so much, Star.”
“I, I, I love you, Ezra.”
Before he can question the choice, Star has his arms around Ezra and kisses him, hard and long, not pausing to breathe because if he moves away, he fears he will lose Ezra forever. His back knocks against the door and Ezra’s hands wrap around his hips and Star melts into him. The kiss deepens and his hands slide down, brushing against Ezra’s waistband. 
“Star,” Ezra breathes. “We-”
“Please,” Star whispers. He doesn’t care that they’re outside. It doesn’t matter. What matters is keeping Ezra here and with him. “Please, don’t–stay for, for dinner? Please?”
“I can’t.” Ezra leans back. Star shivers in the sudden absence of body heat. “I have to get home. I have a lot of homework.”
“Oh.”
Ezra steps back, shoving his hands in his pockets. He smiles again and blows him a kiss before heading to the car. Star watches him go, leaning against the door, biting the inside of his lip until the taste of copper fills his mouth. Through tears, he watches Ezra pull out of the driveway and stays there until he can no longer see the car. 
Then he takes a deep breath and steps into the house. 
Tagging: @blood-is-compulsory @darkthingshappen @whump-for-all-and-all-for-whump @whumpinggrounds @pigeonwhumps @cepheusgalaxy (let me know if you want to be added/removed!)
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demonicintegrity · 2 years
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The Will Wood Drama - an explanation and breakdown for those who need it TW: Allegations of grooming and manipulation, talks of unhealthy/toxic relationships, and talks of relapsing into self harm
So yesterday (7/31/22) a user posted a twitter thread saying he was groomed by Will Wood, and it has been archived by someone else* with og screenshots being found and showing the account that wasn’t in the og thread.** But I will be recapping and then giving my insight. It gets long.
TL:DR: Op has a deeply unhealthy relationship with Will where sexual intimacy is on and off in cycles. Both parties are negatively effected by it. I believe Op that it happened and that it caused serious harm but I cannot find the specific behaviors of grooming/manipulation/emotional abuse in the thread Op makes.
Notice: Do not harass and give death threats to Op. I don’t care what you think or believe in this situation, it is never okay to deliver death threats. Nor does it excuse being insensitive pricks. He’s been mobbed enough by stans who cannot give the situation delicacy and nuance. He’s still a person who was hurt and is still hurting. There is no intent of maliciousness from him, do not assume that.
*The archive has censored nudes of Will. Which is completely uncalled for and wrong to do. Nudes were exchanged with consent under the explicit agreement that it stay private. I understand that Op was being mobbed for proof that this was Will, posted, and the quickly deleted it. The archive has no right to keep the images nor do I think it was a necessary addition of proof that the exchange happened. I also hear a rumor through the grapevine that these photos allegedly don’t look like him and/or were doctored but I am in no place to confirm/deny because I don’t know what Will looks like either than a white man.
**Another rumor is that the insta account wasn’t manage by Will and thus could’ve been someone impersonating him? I don’t buy that because the later text messages do reference the insta ones. But I also don’t follow Will’s social medias so idk who manages what and where and what he types like. Again not my call to make.
Edit: As new information comes to light it will be in the replies. New links have been added already. In one of the links we see more people come forward with further problematic behavior from Will in the past. If you have further information, read what’s already in there and then explain your own. The asks on my blog regarding this are more broader discussion than actual evidence gathering/analysis, that will stay in the replies for convenience.
At age 18 in 2018 op becomes facebook friends with Will and they had a casual friendly relationship. Time passes, they meet at a concert in 2019 and talk, more time passes and they moved to snapchat and again, was friendly. They talk and Will finds out Op is selling nsfw content of themselves and expresses some interest even with guilt. Because there is an age gap and he is aware Op is a fan. There are screenshots of that and him mentioning it would be “cancel city” if people saw he bought nudes from an 18yo fan. (worth noting that op does state that they were talking on snap but the screenshots are of an insta convo here, but benefit of the doubt that it’s a slip.) Pictures are paid for, Op feels “starstruck” but fine with this even tho Will expresses some residual guilt.
(Note: I am not jumping at Will’s guilt and unease here as proof of bad behavior. People feel guilt for sexual desires esp when it’s taboo, even when it’s 100% fine. Just as I’m giving Op grace, I will give Will grace too, I know nothing about either them as people. But I do know feeling guilt over sexual attraction because it something you can’t control, and I do know famous people are esp prone to judgement and anxiety that can be internalize. Yes there is an age gap, but they met as adults and he has never personally known them as a child. The experience difference from age can be a valid concern in any relationship, but in the context of just buying pictures I don’t think that’s relevant.)
The night afterwards Will brings up sexting for money but pulled out, being personally uncomfortable with it and then wanting the sexual undertone of their relationship to be removed. Op says thats fine and that’s that. 
The next part is Op expresses some self-conscious issues regarding being in college classes and a certain incident not elaborated on. We get a screenshot of Will comforting Op citing they are mature and smart. Here Op says that it sounds like the “youre so mature for your age” sentiment perverts use to get close to kids, and although they want to believe Will is just being nice they now think it creepy because it coupled with Will’s earlier worry of being “cancelled” for buying pics of an 18 yo.
Now the full sentence is “You’re smart and mature and you have a good head on your shoulders.” I personally don’t think this is creepy or being used in the same way as a pervert would. If my friend was insecure about being in college that is something I would probably would say to them too. In context, I feel this is fairly innocent and doesn’t prove anything wrong of Will.
After that they’re talking just as casual friends for a bit. Eventually Will makes a sexual advance again and it is reciprocated. Free of charge they would exchange pictures occasionally. It is here Op openly admits to feeling completely dependent on his praise and feeling as if he didn’t, Will would leave.
Now there are no screenshots of conversation to be further proof of Op’s word that Will would stop being friends if they weren’t sexting. Giving Op the benefit of the doubt, those feelings were genuinely felt. But I genuinely don’t know if Op felt that because Will had made some comment to suggest it or Op’s codependency was feeding that anxious feeling. I simply do not know. As someone who has been codependent in an intimate relationships before and still has anxious issues, I can tell you that even though these fears are genuine and have mental and physical effects, sometimes they really aren’t founded. It doesn’t mean theyre invalid fears, but it’s just not very applicable to the current situation.
Again, I cannot be 100% sure whether that worry here is founded or not. Considering Will had been able to keep a friendship with Op before and after the introduction of sexual pictures, I can see where the nagging thought would be there but that also shows he was capable of being friends without it. idk. So while I’m keeping it in mind that op has this fear + codependency because it will color their side of future interactions, I am also giving Will the benefit of the doubt that he’s unaware of this complex. After all, they’d been friends with healthy communication for a time.
It is now that Op says these next messages and timeline specifically come from insta. Op describes this as a cycle. They would sext. Will would then feel weird about it. They would stop. He would get “bored” and then it would start again. And this cycle would continue until march 2020. (Now i dont know what Op means by “stop” whether it would stop only the sexting or communication altogether. I’m leaning towards the former and assume that going forward.)
Now, is this healthy? Absolutely not. It sounds like Op and Will are in an unhealthy cycle of being attracted to and wanting each other’s attention. But being unable to properly expressed and place and enforce boundaries down of what attraction this is and how that relationship should be. It a definite issue, but something they both need to communicate in order to find a solution. When it comes to what a relationship is, it requires both people to work together to find a way to make it work to decide if it’s not worth it anymore.
Op does not elaborate further on this cycle. Which is fine, I wouldn’t want to think a lot about it if I were in that place either. What memories mightve felt fine and good in the moment definitely can feel tainted and fuzzy later due to new associations to the event/someone in the event. I get it.
If Will had intentionally encouraged Op to be codependent, lead Op on, that would 100% be on Will and be a terrible terrible thing. That would qualify as grooming and manipulating them. Worth every bit of condemnation. However, this thread doesn’t elaborate if that happened. And at the point Op doesn’t claim that, just that it was a cycle. A clearly unhealthy one. We have no idea what it looked like beyond the sexting starting and stopping.
I do want to clarify because I saw some people saying this: You can be groomed at any age. Kids are not the only ones groomed. It’s just that an adult/child dynamic is the easiest to leverage and most recognizable. You can also be groomed regardless of occupation. I understand Op was selling nsfw content, that doesn’t mean he’s suddenly immune from grooming. All grooming requires is using pressure to force you to take on a certain role. This pressure could be from emotional or physical abuse, leveraging authority, leveraging status, basically anything. In this specific case, the implication is that Will would’ve leverage his status to get Op to do things. The fact that there is an age gap would imply that because Op is younger, Op would have less experience and knowledge that could play into Will’s advantage here.
That is entirely possible, but at this point in the thread, Op doesn’t claim that happening. And there are no screenshots here, so there is no dialogue to see contribute to that reasoning. Not saying it couldn’t exist, but it’s not presented. So while I’m believing Op that something unhealthy was happening between them, I’m not placing a word as to what type of unhealthy relationship it is without more context.
Op goes to Will’s last show before the lockdown, talks to the bass player more than Will and then gets home to see sexual messages from Will. I have no idea where in that cycle this incident would be in. Just that this happened during the cycles.
After that show, lockdown starts. Op’s home life gets really traumatizing during this. This additional trauma is relevant because Op would turn to Will during these times. Citing him being a friend and having relevant experience regarding the traumatic development. This is also during the cycle of have a sexual relationship with Will, in their own words saying they were a “sexual object” to him. Again, no dialogue to be seen so I don’t know where exactly Op is getting this, but if he felt like an object, he felt like an object. I cannot dissuade that. No one has a right to make calls on what someone else is feeling. I can only wonder where it came from and what contributed to that feeling. The most I can confidently say it’s that this unhealthy cycle was causing it, but not what specifically about it. We’re not provided further elaboration and I’m not gonna demand that of Op.
One night of this traumatizing development at home around 2/3am Op is on a spiral at genuine risk to relapsing into self harm and turns to Will. Will stays up with them until 6am to help them through it. Op is calmed down and goes to sleep safe and unharmed. Op describes the next few days of him being extremely grateful that Will did this, while Will is being standoffish with one word replies. Eventually Op confronts Will and asks if he had done something wrong.
This is the correct course of action. If Will was upset at smth Op said he should’ve said something instead of being vague and standoffish. That is on Will, but that’s poor communication, not necessarily manipulation.
Op then quotes but doesn’t provide screenshots that Will says Op was being manipulative, only coming to Will for sexual purposes, and made him out to be an “emotional dumping ground.” Breaking that down, there is no cause to assume Op was being manipulative. There is no cause to believe Op only wanted sexual attention from Will, in fact Op already stated it was the attention from a local star that drove a lot of this attachment. Op seems willing and okay with sexual intimacy at this point, but I don’t think Op wanted only sex. It is the “emotional dumping ground” aspect that likely has some genuine weight to it.
Op is already dependent on Will for emotional support and going through a lot of trauma. And as someone who’s been there, it’s so easy to dump on the person you’ve formed a codependency on. Both appropriately vent and inappropriately dumb baggage on them. It’s not fair to the other person, even when they do want to help. I’ve been on both sides of that, it’s awful. I don’t think Op was intentional in harming Will if they were dumping trauma on him often during this time, but it doesn’t mean it still couldn’t have caused harm. It’s already established that Op and Will’s relationship had serious communication and boundary issues at this point. I am not surprised that Will would’ve felt like an emotional dumping ground in this situation.
Op goes on to say he’s mortified that “someone that [he] revered as a god-like figure, [told him he] was being manipulative for asking for help.” And no, asking for help is not inherently a manipulative thing, in fact the “asking” part is what gives the other person a healthy chance to not help. Telling someone they’re manipulative for asking for help is a huge dick move. On the other hand, asking someone to talk you down from relapse is tall order. Now I don’t know if Op specifically told Will a relapse felt oncoming when first asking for help, or it was revealed through prompting and conversation later on. Regardless, it was made apparent to Will, hence why he stayed up with them. I don’t know how those hours went down and I would never ask Op to try and remember how it did.
But asking someone to help you through a mental health crisis is a tall order. Especially at 3am to a person you have an on and off inconsistent relationship with. There is a reason you go to someone trained in a mental health crisis, they are prepared and know how to help and handle your situation. If you ever find yourself in Op’s position, call/text a mental health service line. The one I’m familiar with is 741741, double check for what is in your area/country. No matter what that is going to be a key and/or turning point in a relationship. I am not saying don’t go to friends/family/partner when youre struggling, but you also have to understand they’re not always going to know what to do. And if this is happening over text, which is what happened between Will and Op, there’s even less they can do now coupled with knowing they can’t do much if things take a turn. It’s an intense emotional labor that yes, some people are more than willing to do for someone they love, but that doesn’t mean it’s still not a difficult thing to ask.
I feel for Op, I really really do. And Will is wrong to call that manipulative, because I genuinely don’t think Op was intentional trying to harm, but I can 100% see and find it valid as to why he would be uncomfortable with that incident. It’s not an excuse to be standoffish for days but yeah, maybe it takes time to figure out how to address that.
What raises a big red flag for me is that Op openly admits to revering Will in a god-like manner. Under no circumstances should you be revering anyone like that. I knew Op was dependent to the point of codependency (I should clarify that codependency is my interpretation of this, not Op’s.) but holy shit is that so much worse. That is such an unhealthy mindset to have towards someone and it sets up any relationship to be unhealthy and poor. And the thing is, Op doesn’t elaborate where it came from.
If this is indeed grooming, Will would have had to encourage and enable and endorse this god-like image. For starters, I have no idea if Will knew or figured out Op had this mindset. The only thing seemed to have been made explicit is the trauma Op’s enduring through lockdown and as such the codependency would’ve been made obvious. And if I recall correctly, Will has stated he doesn’t like to be idolized by his fans. Most people don’t and I do know that celebs are the ones that have to be explicit in saying they don’t like idolization because it happens so much. 
What I make of this revering is that unfortunately Op had set themselves up for tragedy. Having such bad idolization and dependency from the beginning he seemingly couldn’t get away from. Even if you enter a healthy relationship, that is how it gets severely damaged if you don’t keep it in check. I can say that with full confidence because I have damaged a good relationship with codependency before. It’s unfortunate, it’s a tragedy, but that’s how the cookies crumbles.
Now, if Will intentionally put that mentality onto, enabled, or intentionally capitalize on that, he would 100% be a manipulative person in this. Deserving to be condemned and held accountable for taking advantage of a vulnerable person. But at no point does Op say he knew or enabled this. I’m assuming Will has caught onto the dependency, but only because the traumatic environment Op was in had him cling to Will. And I can see being sympathetic to the situation and thus not addressing the dependency right away because it could ease up once the trauma isn’t actively happening. I don’t know if he was aware of it before lockdown and certainly don’t expect him to have thought he was being revered in a godly manner at any point.
All Op elaborates is he still struggling to ask for help because of this. And I do not blame Op for that, I feel for him because I have the exact same struggle because of previous relationships. And that Op and Will barely talk for months after this confrontation. At this point Op is heartbroken and feels like he ruined everything.
Then Op’s feelings about the situation evolves after speaking to friends about it. Now the feeling is that Op was “groomed by a man with insane power over [him.]”
I don’t want to bash on Op’s friends. I don’t know what they were told and the context or any of that. I am sure they only want what’s best for Op and have his best interest in mind. I will never fault someone for genuinely believing something bad happened and pointing it out. However, I still don’t know at what point this relationship became grooming. It was definitely unhealthy, and probably toxic at some point, but I do not see where Will intentionally leveraged power to make Op do something. It’s not in any dialogue exchange shown. Maybe the screenshots have been lost, which I wouldn’t fault Op for. All I can gather from the relationship is that it’s unhealthy and clearly brought distraught to both sides. I believe Op that something unhealthy went down and fucked him up, I can see that. And if Op’s friends, who likely have more details, believe something wrong went down I am inclined to believe.
I’m just scouring and rereading and I can’t find the grooming behavior.
Sometime after Op’s evolved feelings, Will reaches out to apologize to Op. The screenshots provided are of an apple text exchange. Will apologizes for acting hot and cold, and for making Op feel like he didn’t care. He says it’s not a reflection on Op and it was on him and his own issues. He says he recognizes he did something wrong, he is working on it, and that it is “too little too late” in Op’s case, but he is sorry and wishes him better. It is a solid apology. I do not see faults in it and so long as he keeps to his word that he tries to improve, he’s done his part. Sounds like he’s made his peace with his part in the relationship.
Op accepts the apology and then tells Will he’s done some thinking and thinks it was extremely inappropriate it even happened. (I’m assuming this refers to the sexual intimacy part of the relationship.) He goes on to tell Will he should’ve been more mindful to who he speaks to and what he means to them. Op’s specifically points out their age gap and the fact that he idolized him. That there was a lot of power there. Will apologizes for taking a lot of time to respond, he’s collecting his thoughts, and then Op states he’s realized he’s “not entirely blameless” which I’m interpreting as he understands his idolization of Will is something he went into the relationship with, which isn’t Will’s fault at all. It also could be that Will didn’t grasp the full extent of the idolization and dependency, which again wouldn’t have been his fault either.
While Will absolutely should have addressed idolizing and then the dependency that became apparent, he is not a mind reader and had no way to know how deep it went with Op. It’s also entirely possible he’s human and just didn’t know how to navigate a relationship with the power tipped to one side. On that point, I’m not sure if there are resources for that besides couple’s therapy. And I can’t even say if they labelled themselves as a proper couple because Op never states what it was called. Certain relationships come with certain expectations.
(Personally I am of the believe if if you’re going into any intimate relationship, platonic, romantic, or sexual, what kind of relationship you’re looking for and are willing to be in should be an explicit conversation up front. It should also be a continuing conversation as it develops. But I also understand most people don’t enter relationships like that or take the time to think about doing that. And if it does works out find without that, I can’t find fault in that.)
Will doesn’t respond for a week and Op blocks him so he can stop focusing on it and move on. Good on Op, good for him. He then states that weeks after My Body Your Temple comes out, he reads the lyrics to it. This causes a spiral because the lyrics remind him of what happen, stating that it’s a lot of the language and sentiment Will used with him. This spiral is what prompts Op to write the thread.
I have no doubt in my mind it would’ve been triggering for Op. The first time thinking about Will after this and it’s a song discussing vulnerability and intimacy with sexual language. Again, I feel for Op. I don’t think it was Will’s intention to use language similar to that relationship. The song was written for a podcast called Camp Here & There. I’m not familiar with the podcasts but genius.com says it’s about The Elephant Man. Whatever character that is. I heard the song without knowing it was apart of the podcast, and his songs have like 100 different interpretations sometimes anyways.
Op said he felt free from the relationship after writing it all out, which I am happy for. Sometimes it takes writing and dumping it all out there to process and feel better and I want Op to feel better because he is clearly hurting bad. I do think this relationship was very unhealthy and has lasting effects I hope he recovers from.
I’m just confused at where the apparent manipulation and sexual grooming is. I reread over and over. I don’t know where is the behavior of Will intentionally capitalizing on Op. I don’t know where’s this behavior of Will forcing and pressuring Op. It’s possible that it’s there and just not in the few screenshots provided and just wasn’t properly elaborated on in the description of this relationship. But I see everything that says “unhealthy” but I don’t see grooming, manipulation, or emotional abuse like he said this was.
I believe Op 100% that something bad and unhealthy happened. Everything here really does strike a chord someone deeply hurt. And I genuinely feel sorry that it happened and I wish them peace and recovery and better things. But I’ve reread the thread over and over at different points in time. I cannot find what I can use to specifically label this unhealthy relationship as being groomed or abused. I don’t know where it came from.
And I’m not pointing that out to victim blame or make accusations against Op, I do not want more harm and harassment on him. I’m pointing it out because I think everyone would do good learn the difference between an unhealthy relationship and an abusive one. One that’s unhealthy by chance and circumstances vs unhealthy by deliberate actions and intentions. One’s a tragedy and the other a crime.
Op wouldn’t have made these things up. Everyone knows if you accuse anyone, let alone a celebrity, there are going to be people coming out of the woodworks to play devil’s advocate and tear into your life. Making up drama is not worth that. He also has the expressed interest of helping other people avoid what happened to him. And that is noble and good, especially when you’re doing that by opening up about something that has hurt you so deeply.
It’s just that, the lesson and warning I get isn’t “Will is a predator” it’s “Don’t place people on such a pedestal and then get into an intimate relationship with them without stepping away from that. Be wary of becoming codependent.” Both still valid warnings, even if it’s not quite what Op is going for. With or without Will’s name or age gap on the relationship, those are the two conclusions I see with how the relationship has been laid out.
(Another thing is that this whole thing was seemingly wrapped up with the apology. Op doesn’t accuse Will of these things in that exchange. Something understandable because its a weighty accusation to make to someone directly. Even the best of people will want a further confrontation from that, and Op was not benefiting from focusing on Will and that relationship at that point to begin with. It seemed like that was going to be that, and they both were going to be done with the relationship for good. But then Op’s spiral with the new song prompted the thread.)
Op later tweets he doesn’t care if people listen to his music, it’s not about Will’s career it’s Will as a person he wants people to be safe from. And he makes the valid point of hardly anyone knows him outside of the face of the artist, of course he’d be a bit different off stage. It’s also in that tweet where he says Will he made Op need “to keep going back to him validation.” Which again, I don’t know where that’s coming from, but I do believe Op when he says he felt that way. I have no reason not to believe him.
Obviously I’m not gonna blame anyone who doesn’t want to listen to Will Wood after this, even if just for a little bit because of how this development sours things. It is your choice to continue or not continue engaging with his content and how. I do think most people can give a little bit more tact to the sensitive situation. Be nice and civil to Op at least. Better yet, leave him alone. He’s been through enough mobbing.
I believe there was a call for anyone else who had an experience with Will to step forward if they feel comfortable doing so. If a legitimate pattern of behavior is revealed, obviously then accountability needs to be held. But until then this really does feel like a unhealthy relationship that was wrapped up and both parties were processing and moving on until the spiral happen. An unhealthy relationship that maybe we didn’t need to know about? I don’t know. But if for a moment, writing the thread gave Op relief and I’d never deny him or anyone else that.
I feel for Op so so much. This just doesn’t tell me enough about Will to make a definite conclusion on him. I cannot in good conscious alleged abuse because I cannot point to a specifically abusive behavior in the thread. Maybe in due time more will be revealed to shed more light on the situation. And if more evidence is revealed, it will inform my conclusions then. But as it is right now, it’s just a deeply unhealthy relationship worsen by circumstances and fumbling on both parties. And I feel bad, it seems tragic to me. And it doesn’t mean Op deserved any of this angst by any means, but what else could be said about it?
It’s 4am and I’m p sure I started this post around 10:30/11pm. I’m without internet rn so ig ill post this when I wake up from sleep. And at 11am this has been reviewed and ready for posting. I don’t typically feel the urge to comment on discourse, esp one of this nature, but I’ve seen some bad faith takes as well as some confusion and questions. And this is something I feel can help people get a better grasp on the situation.
Obviously, make your own conclusions. Believe the victim that something bad happened; but also when you give someone you don’t know grace about something serious, you should also give the other person in the relationship grace when applicable. You don’t know either of them. Also understand that relationships can come with some nuance to it, which is applicable here. Maybe the cards were always set up for failure. Maybe Will genuinely mishandled the relationship. Maybe Op’s revering and codependency is something Will couldn’t have handled well at that time. I cannot say anything for certain because I don’t know enough about how the relationship carried to make that call. All I can say with certainty is that it was a deeply unhealthy relationship for them both and that they both contributed to that unhealthy aspect.
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coffearabica · 1 year
Note
Bae, there is this one sentence that stuck with me for some reason but I can't seem to think of any good story to use it in rn. So, maybe u would think of sth?
"Just because you CAN (do it all by yourself), doesn't mean you HAVE TO."
Cue exasperation, lol.
babes i woke up early to work, saw this, and my plans did a rapid 180. wrote it too quickly so pls don’t expect much. and thank you sm for this!! i really need to write but i don’t know what and this helped a ton🫶
You didn’t know the extent of it, then again he made sure of that.
Xavier could never hide his emotions. If there was one thing he disliked more than Wednesday herself, it was her ability to do just that. Because she seemed to have no qualms about accusing him of murder while he was left spiraling.
It was easy to pick up on his negative mood. He was unsteady, his knee shaking, his empty fingers shifting as though he had a pen creating unseeable art. You couldn’t ask him about it though, because another thing about Xavier was he didn’t like to burden you.
Especially not with murder.
It’d gone on for days - each new sunrise met with a darker version of your boyfriend. He no loger smiled at you, he seemed to have adopted a permanent frown and canyon between his brows. He didn’t speak to you much either, but his silence spoke volumes. And this was only when you saw him, because he’d also disappeared. Even Ajax was growing concerned.
“Hey.” He approached you just before Botany let out, his hands shoved deep in his pockets and beanie pulled down lower than usual.
“Hi,” you smiled at him.
“Have you seen Xavier lately?”
“Uhm, no not really.”
“Oh,” he visibly deflates, “something’s wrong with him. He hasn’t even been showing up to-” he pauses, wryly looks around and leans in to whisper, “the meetings.”
“Yeah, I know. He’s dealing with some stuff.” You try to keep the bitterness out of your tone, feeling ashamed for not knowing the specifics. He wouldn’t even give you a chance to ask.
“This Hyde stuff as been really messing with him.”
That gets you to pause. You don’t hear anymore of what Ajax is saying, instead determination fills your blood stream and your shouldering your bag just as class is dismissed and pushing out a half-assed apology to him as you rush off.
The woods seemed to get denser anytime you walked through them, especially when Xavier wasn’t around. The sky was gloomier and open spaces smaller but you’d made it through in record time. His art shed stood as it always did, a bit battered, unimportant looking to the plain eye. But you knew his space, and you knew him.
You didn’t do your knock, a specific one to let him know it was you. You twisted the knob and barged right in.
“What the hell.” He scowls, dropping his paintbrush and turning to face you with nothing but malice. It took him a moment to register that it was you, the hard edge to his voice fell away, his shoulders relaxed and he was back to frowning, “What’re you doing here?”
“What’s the matter with you?”
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me, Xavier. Tell me what has you holing yourself way from everyone.”
He bends down to pick up his brush, “Nothings wrong.”
“Something must be! You wont talk to me, you won’t see me, and now you won’t even look at me! Your friends are worried about you, I’m worried about you, okay?”
His shoulders tense and with his back turned to you you don’t see his lips pursing and eyes welling with tears.
“Is it really that bad? Because if it is and you don’t want to talk to me about it, fine. But at least talk to someone. You can’t keep pushing people away and hiding in your shed as if no one gives a-”
“Just stop.” He says through gritted teeth.
“No, Xavier, no more of that silent torture bullshit. I’m your girlfriend, I’m supposed to be here for you. You’d never let me get away with not telling you so I’m done letting you.”
When he doesn’t respond, or move, you start to think you went too far. That maybe he just wasn’t ready and you’d barged into his space like an asshole demanding answers. But then you hear the shuddering breaths that give way to an almost inaudible sob.
Your bag hits the floor with a thud and Xavier turns just as you reach him. His arms loop around your waist and pulls you plush against him as he hides in the crook of your neck. Drops of tears hit your skin and his shoulders shake beneath your arms. His skin is oddly warm and hair a tangled mess that your fingers barely get through, but you only hold him tighter.
“It’s okay, baby.” You whisper.
“I’m sorry,” he breathes. It’s unsteady, much like him. Everything seems to come out in that moment, like the knots holding everything in had loosened just enough and it all came tumbling. It takes a while before he calms down. His shaking shoulders reduce to lengthy breaths and when you’re sure he’s gotten it all out you try to pull back.
Except he doesn’t let you, he anchors you to himself and drops a soft kiss on your shoulder. “I’m sorry.” He says again.
“What’s wrong, Xavier?”
It takes a moment before he tells you, and it takes an even tighter squeeze to quell the anger he feels swelling inside you when he does. “It just got too much. And with the visions - I didn’t want to close my eyes and I knew that if I saw you I’d…” he trails off and it’s your turn to tighten your arms around him,
“I wish you’d come to me sooner.”
“I didn’t want to burden you.”
“You’re never a burden to me, xav.”
“Still, it’s a lot and I didn’t want anyone else to have to deal with it.”
When you pull back this time he lets you, his face blotchy and eyes still shiny with tears. His cheeks redden and he tries to duck his head back to your shoulder but you grab his face and swipe your thumbs under his eyes.
“You shouldn’t deal with it alone. That’s too much.” He tries to open his mouth but you kiss him before he can, its quick - just to keep him quiet so you can speak, “Just because you can, doesn’t mean you have to. Especially not when you have me.”
You look into his eyes, hoping he sees how serious you are. Because it hurt to feel like you lost him.
You pull him in to kiss him again, this time it’s longer, slower, and full of everything unsaid in the past week. With your hands you tilt his head, deepening the kiss and without prompting him to xavier opens his mouth.
His hands begin moving, up and down your back and crushing your chest to his. They skim over your waist, his fingers briefly digging into the skin there. He lowers them, tugging at your hips until you’re gasping for air. He doesn’t relent, he trails kisses along your neck as you gently pull on his hair.
“Thank you.” he whispers between his sloppy kisses.
“Come to me next time.” You say it firmly, even with your eyes closed in bliss. “Promise me.”
He picks his head up, looking down at you with tender eyes. The space between them is no longer creased and the added pink to his face makes him look much brighter than he’d looked all week.
“I promise.” he says.
“Good.” You tug him low, kissing his forehead first, then his nose, under each of his eyes, and his chin. His eyes are closed, anticipating the next spot and when you touch your lips to his again, for a moment, the horrors of his week are forgotten.
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edith-hyde · 2 years
Text
Norman Osborn X Female Reader
I Forgot My Umbrella - Part 28
Word Count: 4033
Summary: Norman comes to a terrible realization and decides to work through the night to solve the issue. But skipping a night of sleep is never a good idea.
Warnings: Age gap. PG/PG-13.
A/N: I regularly go without sleep, so this one was written from experience. Word of advice- get enough sleep. You can act pretty weird if you don't.
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——
You made it into your apartment and immediately sat on the floor with your back pressed against the door. You needed to process everything that had transpired. 
Norman has possession issues. 
Honestly you should’ve expected this. It was very on brand for him. His jealousy over the waiter, his clingy behavior, his fear of telling anyone about your relationship- all obvious signs. Tonight was just the first night that it showed itself in such a bad way. 
Though, truthfully, it wasn’t even all that bad! Just a dramatic emotional outburst. 
That was healthy…. 
Right?
You’d be lying if you said you weren’t a little concerned. Would he start trying to dictate your life? Telling you who you can and can’t be friends with? That was a scary thought.
“No,” you said forcefully to yourself, “He wouldn’t.”
You had to trust him. It was just like you said- his admittance that he knew feeling that way was wrong is a huge step in the right direction. It would all work out. There was no use worrying over ridiculous possibilities that were entirely unfounded.
Everything would be fine. 
You were, however, worried about him as a whole. Even though he was calm when he left, you could feel his anxiety. You hoped and prayed that he would go home and get a good night’s sleep. You of all people knew just how helpful sleep could be in combatting anxiety and negative thoughts.
And Norman certainly needed help. 
——
Norman arrived home and all but ran for his liquor cabinet. His thoughts were a whirlwind as he berated himself for his stupidity. 
Why did he say we?!
‘Because you know you’re not alone, Norman.’
“NO!”
Norman slammed the glass down on the counter. Anger surged through him as he squeezed his eyes shut.
“I’m cured. The antiserum worked. You’re not here.”
‘Then why do you keep hearing my voice?’
“Stress,” Norman replied as he tried to relax, “It’s just stress.”
‘People don’t hear voices when they’re stressed, Norman.’
“Shut-up.”
‘Face it. Spidey’s little concoction didn’t work. You’ll never be rid of me.’
Norman sunk to the floor till his forehead was resting against his knees. 
“No… no, no!”
‘I’ll always be here for you, Norman. Whenever you’re ready to hand over the reins. You know I can help you. I can make sure that Y/N will always be yours…’
For a brief terrible moment, Norman actually entertained the idea. It would be so easy. Just let the Goblin take care of everything…
“NO!!”
Norman slammed his fist down into the floor and froze in shock as the tile splintered. He slowly raised his hand, cautiously inspecting the damage.
He shouldn’t have been able to even crack the tile, let alone leave a crater. 
And yet- there was one. 
This was bad. If the serum wasn’t totally out of his system…. That would explain the Goblin’s lingering presence. He was just in a diminished state. But there was not telling how long he would stay that way. The serum was entirely experimental. There was a chance that some remnants of it could reside in the bloodstream, causing the occasional change in his physiology. Such as with the elevator a while back or right now. 
Running the numbers in his head, Norman tried to calculate the possibility of the serum breaking down over time. But given how loud the Goblin had become of late…. It seemed more likely that the serum was actually returning. 
But how? 
“It was a retrovirus,” Norman muttered to himself, “If even a part of it survived it could… it might actually be able to repair itself. And there’s a chance that the cure is just acting as a suppressant…”
This needed to be resolved right away. He had to know if the serum really was still in his blood despite the cure the other Peter gave him. Even in a weakened state, The Goblin was too dangerous. Norman couldn’t just keep ignoring the problem anymore. If he ever did manage to grow in power enough to take control….
‘Imagine all the fun I could have.’ The Goblin chuckled. 
“I won’t let it happen,” Norman declared as he stood and headed for the door, “I will put an end to you, once and for all.”
He needed to get to his lab right away. There was no time to waste. He didn’t need sleep. He needed a solution. 
He would not let the Goblin hurt you.
———
You ended up sleeping in a little later than you wanted, but that was alright with you. You were also happy to discover that Tracy had gone out shopping- this meant you had the entire apartment to yourself for a while. With the peace and quiet, you decided to do some sketches. You got really engrossed and before you knew it, it was nearly 3 in the afternoon.
“I should probably call Norman,” you said as you rose to your feet, “See where he wants to go tonight…”
You dialed Norman’s number and waited. You fully expected to be greeted by Norman’s dulcet voice but instead it was Bernard that answered the phone.
“Hello. This is the Osborn residence. Mr. Osborn is out right now, may I take a message?”
You scowled. 
“Norman’s not home?”
You were a little surprised when Bernard recognized your voice. 
“Ah, Miss L/N. I’m afraid Mr. Osbornis at his office.”
You moved to lean against the wall as confusion plagued your features. 
“Why is he at his office on a Saturday? Was there an accident there or something?”
“It’s not for me to know,” Bernard said plainly, “He’s been there all night and morning.”
“He’s been out all night?!” You replied in horror. 
“Yes. But you shouldn’t worry too much. Mr. Osborn has been known to do this in the past when he’s on a deadline…”
“There are no deadlines,” you countered. 
“I don’t know what to tell you. Best leave him alone so he can work. I’ll let him know you called when he returns. Goodbye Miss L/N.”
Without even waiting for your response, the old man hung up. You set the phone on the cradle with great force and ran to get your shoes. 
“Like heck I’m just gonna leave him alone!”
With determination, you caught the next bus you could and stormed into the OSCORP building. There was always a skeleton crew working the weekends, but there was no receptionist. You had to use your ID and key in order to even access the building. You had every intention of going straight to Norman’s personal lab, but there was a slight stop as someone else pressed the elevator button causing the elevator to stop just 3 floors above the lobby. You held your breath, worrying over the chance that by some cruel cosmic joke it was Paige. 
But thankfully it wasn’t. 
It was Dr. Otto Octavius. 
Confusion crossed his features as he stepped into the small space. Before he could question you, you spoke. 
“Dr. Octavius? What are you doing here?”
“I was wrapping up some paperwork so I could be ahead for Monday…. What are you doing here?”
Honesty was always your policy and you saw no reason to lie. 
“Apparently after dinner last night, Norman didn’t go home and sleep. Instead he came here. And he’s been here all night and all morning.”
“Oh dear,” Otto sighed as the doors closed, “And here I thought I was the only idiot working today. I’ll go with you. I might have to help you drag him out.”
“I just hope he’s okay,” you said with worry, “He was sorta… stressed last night and I can’t imagine he’s feeling any better if he hasn’t slept at all.”
“I think you meant to say he was jealous last night,” Otto said with an eye roll, “He can be such a child sometimes.”
“How did you-”
Otto looked down at you with a smirk. 
“Norman is one of the easiest men to read if you know what you’re looking for. And I can tell- you’re well on your way to being able to translate the confusing and overly dramatic book that is Norman Osborn.”
“I dunno,” you said as your shoulders deflated, “Sometimes he’s really easy to read and then others…. It’s like he’s somewhere else. Distant. Like he’s remembering something terrible but I can never tell what it is. I wanna help him but I don’t know how.”
“Norman has a lot of baggage,” Otto explained, “And he seems to think he’s guilty of something so terrible that he doesn’t deserve to be happy. You can’t rush any of this. Whenever he’s ready to talk about it, he will. You just have to be there for him when he needs you.”
You nodded. 
“Right now my goal is to save him from himself. Do you have any idea what he’s working on? I don’t know of any ongoing projects that required his immediate attention.”
Otto took a deep breath before letting out a weighty sigh. 
“I’m as clueless as you are. What happened after dinner last night? If you don’t mind me asking.”
You took a moment and felt heat rise to your face as you remembered. You were enjoying the kiss until his fist knotted into your hair. Norman had never been rough with you. Every touch from him was gentle and kind. But last night…
“I don’t know,” you finally answered, “We talked about him feeling jealous, I told him it was okay. Just so long as he didn’t start trying to control my life. He agreed and left to go home and sleep. Next thing I know, Bernard tells me he’s been at the office all night.”
Otto nodded along with you before he offered his theory. 
“Something must’ve struck him on the way home then. He was prone to do this back in college too. The minute he decided that a project needed to be worked on, it became his whole reason for living.”
The elevator dinged and the two of you stepped out. Norman’s lab was at the end of this hallway. Even from here you could see the shadow of Norman moving about through the window in the door. 
“Norman has been trying to change,” you said absently, “He doesn’t want to be a workaholic anymore.”
“Habits are hard to break,” Otto said sadly. 
“Yeah…”
You arrived at the door and Otto smiled down at you. 
“I’ll go in first. Soften him up for ya.”
You smiled and nodded. Otto took a deep breath, composed himself, and promptly burst into the office. You peaked in after him and your heart dropped. 
Norman stood amidst a group of whiteboards and laptops. His clothes were disheveled, his hair was a wreck, and a marker was in his mouth while another was gripped in his hand. He was twisting around in a circle, occasionally writing something on the board as he muttered something. The equations written there didn’t make any sense to you and judging by the look on Otto’s face- they didn’t make sense to him either. 
“Norman?”
Your boyfriend spun around, a frantic look in his blue eyes. His features twisted into a glare as he looked at Otto, but then he noticed you hiding in the doorway. He looked down at himself and you could tell he was ashamed. He took the marker out of his mouth and started tucking his shirt in. 
“Otto…. Y/N…. What are you doing here?”
Otto squinted at his friend, cocking his head slightly. 
“It’s Saturday, Norman. What are YOU doing here?”
Norman looked at his watch and muttered a curse under his breath. 
“I lost track of time.”
One of the laptops gave an alert and Norman started towards it to check the results of some kind of simulation. Clearly upset by what he saw, Norman slammed his fists down on the table. 
“NO!! There has to be some way to completely remove it!! I’m just seeing it.”
Wanting to comfort him, you stepped into the room and approached him. He took a half step back, but you didn’t stop until you were right in front of him. With a smile, you started fixing his collar. You absently wondered where his tie had gotten off to. 
“You need sleep,” you whispered, “Come on. Let’s go home.” 
“I… I need to finish this-”
He went to turn from you but you stopped him. You grabbed the sides of his face, forcing him to look at you. The weariness he was feeling was obvious in his tired gaze. 
“We’re going home. Whatever you’re working on can wait till Monday. Remember telling me that yesterday?”
“But this is-”
“It’s important, I know. But so is sleeping. Without rest you won’t be able to focus. You’ll make mistakes.”
“I can’t sleep,” Norman whimpered. 
Your heart ached. You hated seeing him like this.
“Even if I have to sing you to sleep, I will make sure you sleep.”
You pulled Norman by the wrist and he blearily followed you. Otto stepped to the side, allowing the two of you to pass. You gave him a worried look but he gave a nod in an attempt to reassure you.
“I’ll lock up here,” he said, “You get him home.”
Once in the elevator, Norman fell into you. His forehead rested on your shoulder as he held you from behind, arms around your waist. It took every ounce of your strength not to buckle under his weight. 
“I’m sorry,” he muttered, “I need to figure out the formula. I thought I had it. But… there’s a mutation I didn’t account for. I didn’t know. And I can’t get the simulations to work…”
“You’ll figure it out,” you assured him as you pet his hair, “You’re a brilliant scientist. Just give it time.”
“We don’t have time,” he groaned, “If the mutation is allowed to remain, it could result in a total loss of self. I need to find the right counter agent. Stop the mutation before it spreads. But the introduction of more retrovirus could cause adverse reactions. And I still don’t know the cause of the mutation. Is it a conflict with the DNA? Other subjects showed no signs of the mutation- even the volatile ones. I don’t know what’s in my…”
Norman’s ramblings became inaudible as he continued. You were doing your best to try and follow what he was saying, but without any context it sounded like gibberish. It reminded you of Stargate when they were trying to sound smart but they weren’t actually saying anything based in reality.
“Just relax,” you whispered, “Stop fretting over it. You’re just causing undue stress.”
“You don’t understand,” Norman suddenly snapped as he jerked away, “This is a life and death situation!!”
You cringed away from Norman’s harsh tone, eyes wide. He was glaring at you with so much hostility and you immediately felt the urge to cry. But you knew you couldn’t do that. He was just tired and cranky. 
He wouldn’t hurt you.
“Norman….” you struggled to keep your voice even, “I’m only trying to help you. Don’t snap at me.”
——
The sharpness of your tone cut through Norman’s frantic thoughts like a knife through butter. He blinked and inspected your features. There was a fear in your eyes and you were clearly on the verge of tears, but there was also a great determination etched into your face. You had squared your shoulders and stood taller. 
Despite your fear of him, you weren’t backing down.
Your fear of him.
What was he doing?!
Norman had been so afraid of turning into the Goblin and hurting you, that he didn’t think he could hurt you just as himself. His fear had turned to anger, fueled by his weariness. Instantly the raging emotions died and he felt empty. The Goblin had tormented him all night. But now, standing in front of you, he was utterly alone. 
“Y/N…. I’m so sorry. I… I shouldn’t have shouted at you…”
Norman unclenched his fists and went to reach for you, fearing you would pull away. But much to his surprise, you dove into him. You wrapped your arms around him, snuggling your face into his chest. He held you until the elevator dinged, telling the both of you that you had reached the parking garage. Gently, you unwrapped your arms and took his hand. 
“Let’s get you home.”
“Alright.”
Norman was in awe of your dedication to him. Even when he was like this, you still cared about him. He truly did not deserve you. 
Walking hand in hand, you approached Norman’s car. He opened the passenger door for you but you refused to get in. Instead you held out your hand like you expected him to give you something. 
“I’ll drive,” you said.
He gave you a quizzical look and you smiled. 
“I have my license. I just don’t own a vehicle. Gimme your keys.”
“Y/N-” 
“You are too tired to drive,” you scolded, “Give up the keys.”
You snapped your fingers and Norman couldn’t help but chuckle. He patted himself down, briefly fearing he might’ve left them up in his lab. Thankfully he found them in his front pocket. 
“Here you are, my dear.”
You took the keys and gestured for him to get in the car. With an eye roll, he did as you wanted and even let you shut the door for him. He watched as you jogged around the front of the car so you could get behind the wheel. You had to make a few adjustments to the seat and mirrors but nothing too bad- after all Norman wasn’t that much taller than you were. 
The car roared to life as you turned the key and you went to look over your shoulder after putting it in reverse. 
“Are you sure you can-”
You held a finger to Norman’s mouth as you smirked. 
“Fear not, oh love of mine. I shall get you home in one piece, I promise.”
Norman smiled against your finger just as you removed it. Placing both hands on the steering wheel, you became hyper focused. You pulled out of the parking spot and it wasn’t too long before you were on the road. You handled the traffic quite well even though you weren’t used to driving in New York. Norman was quite impressed. 
Even when someone cut you off or laid on their horns, you stayed calm and focused. 
“You’re doing great,” Norman praised with a tired draw. 
“Course I am,” you replied smugly, “All it takes is some concentration…”
Norman felt a spike of mischievousness in that moment. 
And without sleep, it seemed he had no ability to stop himself. 
With a dastardly chuckle, he quickly leaned over the middle console and pressed a kiss to the base of your jaw as his hand caressed your back. 
You instantly slammed on the breaks and nearly jumped through the roof of the car. Several horns blared, but Norman could only hear you as you shouted. 
“NORMAN VIRGIL OSBORN, DO NOT DO THAT AGAIN!!”
You shoved him away as he cackled. It took him a good long while to recover from his laughing fit, and when he looked at you, he could tell you were still seething. Your face was bright red and your hands held the steering wheel in a death grip. Your glare was set upon the road and your jaw was clenched. 
“I was only teasing,” Norman chided. 
“You could’ve gotten us killed!” You snapped. 
“I trust you,” he said flippantly, “I knew you wouldn’t crash.”
“It was mean,” you pouted as the tension in your shoulders lessened, “You made my brain totally shutoff.”
Norman leaned back over to you, his expression full of remorse. He put his arm across your shoulders as he spoke. 
“I’m sorry, my dear. I was just having a bit of fun.”
You gave him a quick glance. He watched as your anger instantly melted away. 
“Don’t look at me like that. It makes it hard to stay mad.”
Norman chuckled as a grin took over his face. He absently began twirling your hair that rested on your left shoulder. He thought for a long moment, his tired brain finally noticing something. 
“How do you know my middle name?”
You gave him another glance before shrugging. 
“I’m your personal assistant. It’s my job to know everything about you.”
Norman gave a scathing laugh. 
“Then you have me at a disadvantage, my dear. For I do not know your middle name. And that’s hardly fair.”
You giggled at his overly dramatic way of speaking. After a moment, you told him your middle name. It wasn’t that big of a deal to you, but to Norman, it was one more thing he got to know about you that everyone didn’t. 
“It’s beautiful,” he said. 
“If you say so.”
Norman smiled as he readjusted himself. He grabbed your hand off the wheel and much to his surprise, you didn’t protest. He settled into his seat, angled towards you, and brought your hand to his face. He let his eyes close as he felt your skin against his cheek. 
He was so tired. And for the first time since last night, he actually felt calm enough to rest. Your presence seemed to silence the Goblin and take away his worries. 
As long as you were near, everything would be fine.  
“Norman…? We’re here.”
Without even realizing it, Norman had nodded off. He felt your hand pull away from his and he grunted in protest. He heard you open the car door. Then he felt you grab his arm. 
“Norman, I can’t carry you, I’m sorry. You’re gonna have to walk.”
“Right… right… I’m up.”
Letting you pull him from the vehicle, Norman shuffled along with you. He was barely aware of his surroundings or what he was doing. He barely registered you looking through his keys until you found the one that opened the door. He felt like he was dreaming as you walked with him to his bedroom. 
He used to pull all-nighters all the time. It seemed as though he was now too old for such behavior.
He was really feeling his age at the moment.  
Norman sat on the bed and he felt his body move on autopilot. He just knew he wanted to lay down. He kicked out of his shoes and pants, shrugged out of his shirt, and crawled under the covers in just his boxers and tank top. 
His thoughts felt like molasses- a far cry from the quick frantic worries that plagued his mind all day. 
He wanted to give you all the credit for the peace in his mind as he closed his eyes and started to drift off.
———
When Norman sat on his bed and started undressing, you immediately turned your back, squeezing your eyes shut. It was only after you heard the shuffle of his covers that you dared to face him. You wanted to scold him for his indecency, but you realized that he was just too tired to be bothered. 
And truthfully, you didn’t feel as embarrassed as you expected. Slightly flustered, sure. But your face didn’t burn and your heart rate only sped up a little. If this had happened a few weeks ago- well you’d be dead. 
But it seemed only fair to see him this way. After all, he had seen you in your PJs when you were sick. 
With an amused sigh, you stepped up next to his bed and lovingly started petting his hair. Norman let out a happy hum and you smiled. But your grin disappeared as you felt the heat in his skin. You moved to press the back of your hand to his forehead and sure enough- he was running a fever. 
No wonder he was so loopy. 
“I bet you haven’t eaten anything either,” you whispered as you stroked his hair, “Why are you doing this to yourself?”
You would stay by him till he awoke.
He had done it for you. 
This was the least you could do.
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