#but you *gotta* be able to consume media and at least be able to notice when the Thing That's Wrong is the lack of an actual story

[philosophiums]

there's a conversation happening on tiktok right now about why there has been such a sharp rise in people wanting to watch female-led anime instead of being so focused on shonen and the girl who posted the video listed her reasoning as shonen constantly fucking up "power creep" (her words but i'm pretty sure she meant power scaling).

anyway i'm going to subject you all to my thoughts on this because i refuse to post anything on tiktok. (i'm also putting this under a read more because it got longer than i thought it would SKJDBVKJDBVJ).

now, i don't think complaints of power scaling in shonen is a bad thing, but i also don't think it's actually the problem with shonen (nor do i think it's the reason that there's an increase in interest for female leads bc i think that's literally just people wanting to see more female main characters which is not new or surprising or weird, but that's not the point of this rn).

i think the problem with shonen (most of the time) is the lack of actual story content - like fucking... plots and themes and motifs.

her two examples were mha and jjk because to her they sit on opposite sides of the spectrum in regards to power scaling (in mha the villains are so weak that children can defeat them, and in jjk the villains are so strong that no one can defeat them), so i'm also going to work off of these two examples.

mha's problem is not that the children are the only ones who can fight the big bads, it's that we don't get to see proof that the kids are actually stronger than the adults. sure there's evidence of adults fighting the villains and losing vs the kids fighting the villains and winning, but there's no setup for like a mentor/mentee moment of the mentee finally besting their mentor and us the audience getting to see that they're finally stronger. in fact it's... typically the opposite.

mha shows us multiple times that even the strongest characters in the main cast of kids are not stronger than, say, kids who are two years older than them or their teachers, let alone the best and strongest professional heroes in the verse. and that's not a power scaling issue, that's a storytelling issue. because you can set up stories where kids are stronger than the adults in their verse, and you can write it in a way that makes sense, but mha does not do that.

and of course mha has multiple other storytelling problems, not the least of them being the fact that it set itself up to be one of those "if you believe in yourself and try hard enough you can do anything" stories only to immediately undermine itself by giving the mc the most powerful ability in the verse free of charge, making the entire opening sequence have zero emotional payoff (a problem that continues on and on forever in the anime/manga).

jjk, on the other hand, set itself up to be a story about cycles, about the past repeating itself, about the inevitability of curses and hardship and never learning from past mistakes, but all of that was completely abandoned somewhere in the middle of the shibuya arc and was never touched on again.

all of the main characters in jjk have direct mirrors within the main cast - yuji & geto, fushiguro & gojo, nobara & shoko, maki & toji, nanami & mei mei, the list goes on - and it had the perfect opportunity to either be a story about the inevitability of trauma cycles OR a story about breaking those cycles, but instead half the cast is now dead and it's become a manga that's just about cool-looking fights.

the problem with jjk is not that the villains are too strong/unbeatable (i actually think there could have been merit to making jjk a story where the villains win, but that would have required focusing on the theme of cycles which, again, has unfortunately been lost) - it's just that there's no fucking plot anymore. there's no meat. there's no point. even if the goal of jjk from the beginning was to subvert a lot of typical shonen tropes, it's so so hard to care about that anymore because there's no reason. the plot is gone, the themes have vanished, the emotion is no longer in the room with us, and it has absolutely nothing to do with (im)balances of power within the verse.

but of course this is not a new problem in shonen. it's so incredibly rare for shonen to have a good story that maintains from start to finish in a satisfying arc, and that's almost a staple of the genre now - training arcs and a war arcs and lots of fighting and very little actual substance. the ones that do have it are gold mines. but again, this is not a new problem and it's not a new conversation, and i don't think it's the heart of why that girl posted that video or why all those people agree with her.

i truly think the actual reason this conversation is happening is because there's a new set of people who have recently turned twenty-something and are realizing that they don't identify with shonen protagonists anymore because they're no longer teenagers. and i think those people are upset that the characters/stories aren't aging with them and are finally looking at all the shows they like and are realizing that they're constructed around a trope of, essentially, child soldiers fighting battles that the adults in their verses cannot. and these people are realizing that they maybe don't like that anymore.

because when you're a teenager, shonen is escapism or a power fantasy or both. it's more relatable because it's made for that age group. but when you're an adult you start going "hey... where are these kids' parents?" because you realize that it's unfair and unreasonable in real life to put so much pressure on literal children. (i always think of that post that went around tumblr a few years ago that was a gif of this character in a tv show saying something like "i'm 13. i'm practically an adult." - bc when you're a 10 year old watching that, you go Yeah That's Right She's So Old, but when you're 30 watching that, you're just internally groaning because you have been a full legal adult for this child's entire life and they're barely older than a baby to you).

but of course shonen (and YA lit and superhero cartoons/comics and the list goes on) is not meant to be "realistic."

but just because it's not crafted as realism doesn't mean it shouldn't have story elements or themes that can reflect reality and/or be applied to real life. it also doesn't mean it can't have a fucking plot SKJDBVJKDVB

#i just had to get that off my chest it was bothering me #like yes i do think the magic system in jjk is underdeveloped and wishy-washy and too complicated for something with so little substance #and also yes i do think mha is just a story about the justification of child soldiers #but also i don't think that's the reason they're bad #fucking. edward elric is *literally* a child soldier but fma is amazing because fma has a plot and themes #(one of which *is the fact that he is a literal child soldier* like...) #ugh anyway #i think im ranting because im frustrated that people will blame anything except bad writing #like sometimes you just have to admit that there isn't a plot and either choose to enjoy it for the pretty animations/art #or choose to leave because it no longer has substance #but you *gotta* be able to consume media and at least be able to notice when the Thing That's Wrong is the lack of an actual story #hhhhhhhhh #okay im done

[headcans-oneshots-and-stuff]

Club ‘Illusion’

Fandom: DC x Marvel Pairing: Avenger x Batfam | Reader x Loki Word count: 3k (yes I can still write things over 1.5k words) Summay: With your hero work taking up most of your time you decide to find an outlet - that outlet turns out to be your own soon to be opened club. On the V.I.P. list for that evening? Two of the most important groups of people in your life. The only problem: they have yet to meet each other, not to mention the little fact that you’ve been keeping not just the club a secret... Requested by a universal fantastic Anon: If requests are still open, can I request a BatBoys x reader x Avengers where both teams meet through reader and fight because they were talking about which team reader likes more? Pairing would be your choice.

“Where does this go, boss?” a man in a dungaree holding a box full of musical equipment, chords and the like asked you and interrupted the conversation you were having with the DJ. “Bring it up these stairs there and then set it onto the black clothed table, Marianne will be there in a minute, could you help her set it up? “Sure thing boss,” the man nodded and trudged over to the direction you had waved him to. You turned back to Marianne - the mentioned DJ - who had been your friend for years and she was the first person you had hired when you had decided to take the advice of your Avengers issued therapist and find an outlet for your creativity and passion outside of your time-consuming hero work all over the planet and the universe. So you decided to use your funds from years of getting paid by Tony Stark and Bruce Wayne (even though you continued telling them you didn’t want their money) to do something fun and - in the spirit of a certain green-themed archer - open a nightclub. You had kept everything under wraps, the only people knowing about it were the contractors, decorators and Marianne and they all pledged secrecy, but tonight you would lift the metaphorical curtain. With the Avengers and Waynes (including non-Wayne-named) invited and the news about this new club opening all over social media doing the rest you were positively sure that tonight would be a great night. “Y/N?” Marianne’s voice ripped you out of your daydreams and you had to shake your head free of other thoughts and focus back onto the matter at hand, with last touches still having to be made. “Uhm- yeah, sorry, I was lost in thoughts.” “Don’t worry, I’m sure everything will go just fine. Look around you, this place is amazing, everyone did such an amazing job,” she complimented and you couldn’t help but follow her advice and actually take a look around.The room was very spacious and even though it was almost empty except the worker getting ready for tonight and a few others who helped set some stuff up. In the middle was a lower dance area with small sets of steps leading up, the floor in a chess pattern, but neon techni-coloured instead of black and white, all around that area were booths to sit in and on the far end of the room, a bit off of the dance-ground were two circular bars that were fully stocked with every drink you could ever need or want. On the other end was a stage for life-performances and ten feet above that was a sort of balcony that served as the DJ-booth with a view over the entire club. And yet again on the other side, above the bars, was a V.I.P. room which was a bit more soundproof and where a conversation could be actually held, with a one-way-mirror facing the club. The way the lights reflected off the surfaces and the sound carried through the space really confirmed what Marianne had said, the place was pretty amazing. “You’re right, you’re right, I’m sorry,” you took a deep calming breath and smiled. “Yes I am, but now we gotta get going, I’ll be up in the booth if you need me. You better give the final briefing to the staff,” she instructed before turning around and walking away. Deciding that taking her advice was the best course of action you went to go to the staff room, when Marianne called out to you yet again, shouting after you: “Don’t forget that you gotta be getting ready in an hour, your special guest should be arriving around then.”

The evening was starting to greet the people and the sun had started to disappear a few minutes ago when a group of five and a group of six gathered before a clearly newly constructed building - a club - with the name ‘Illusion’ in enlightened letters on the front. A long line of interested people, mostly young adults around 25, stretched before what seemed to be the entrance, but it seemed to still be closed. Both of the groups looked around a little bit confused, but they didn’t notice each other, or at least found nothing suspicious about the other. Now, if you were to take a very close look at both of these groups beside each other you’d find a lot of similarities, like - for example - the redeemed ‘bad-guy’ who now acted as professional sarcastic commentator, the goofball with a history in circus, the genius, philanthropist, playboy billionaire and the bad-ass tech-savvy red-head. Not to mention all of their past-time ‘hobbies’. And yet, with all these great intellect and talent collected in front of the club, they did not seem to be able to figure out what they were doing there or that there was another group in just about the same situation. The doors to the club opened and a bouncer and two servers walked out, the bouncer stationating himself before the entrance and starting to check people in, and the two servers looking around for a second before catching sight of the groups. They exchanged a few words before each of them walked over to the collection of people. The group from New York was brought over to the front entrance, allowed to skip the line and enter the club, while the Gotham-group was brought in through the back-entrance, but even though the place where they entered the club was different, they were yet both stil led to the same room, up above the bars behind a one-way-mirror.

You had changed into your sparkle-y, y/f/c outfit with make-up that would glow in the ultraviolet light that would shine all over the club later and your hair in a fashionable hairdo, perfectly prepared for your great night, with Marianne’s outfit mirroring yours just in different colours. With a clipboard you made your last round through the different areas, checking in with your staff and manager to make sure that everything would go flawless and that they could come to you with questions or if they needed help - if necessary you yourself would change into the gender-neutral uniform and start serving people. In the end the last area you had to check before meeting your special guests in the V.I.P. area was the DJ booth. “Everything good?” you asked, enjoying the last moments of relative silence before the booming music would start as you leant over the balcony railing and eyed your own little business. “Yes, I tried it out during soundcheck earlier while you were getting dressed, it’s some sweet equittement you got here, a Dream,” Marianne sighed in bliss and you could see how happy she was to be able to work with this equipment that had certainly cost enough to deserve that demeanor from her. “You know, if you like it this much, I could use a full-time DJ,” you tried to mention as nonchalant as possible, but you could feel her piercing, unbelieving gaze in your neck. “Are you serious? I thought you had employed one over a month ago. I thought tonight was a one-time-thing.” “Oh well, I did talk to one but then I listened to some of his stuff and compared to you it’s like a ten years old project on garage band. But don’t worry, I get it, you’re right. I’m sure you have way better gigs lined up left and right, I’ll find someone,” you shrugged, a little bit disappointed that Marianne didn’t seem even remotely interested in working full-time, only to be stopped when she grabbed your shoulders and began to almost shake you. “Are you kidding, I would love to work here full-time!!! This job would be a dream: the equipment, the atmosphere, my employer! DJ’s would kill for an opportunity like this. That’s why I was so confused, I thought you’d have plenty of better DJs lining up for this job,” she gushed before hugging you close and almost sobbing with happiness and thanking you for this opportunity. You agreed that you’d talk the details over later before telling her to start the music since people started to walk in and you could see a certain group of Heroes being led by one of your bar-women walking towards the left stairs to the V.I.P. room and another group of vigilantes led by one of the security-members being brought to the elevator on the right side to exactly the same room. “Okay, I gotta go, Got me some guests waiting,” you winked at Marianne who just waved you off, too immersed in her element. With quick steps and a happy smile you walked along the side of the room and followed where you saw the Avengers walk up, a little skip in your step. Honoring your word, both groups had been brought into the V.I.P. area which was big enough for them to both sit inside it without having to sit together, with the security guard taking position at the wall and the bar-women at the small, private bar. Another calming sigh later you opened the door and walked into the room immediately catching the eyes of all occupants of the room and as you nodded at your two employees in thanks, both groups of superheroes had stood up to greet you, seemingly only now realizing the presence (or rather the reason of the presence) of each other. “Hello guys, it’s so nice to have you here,” you greeted all 11 with a big gesture before mentioning to the window, “So, what do you think?” Confused eyes found you and they looked between each other and you, only one pair standing out, but seemingly not ready to reveal themselves properly yet. “It looks amazing,” Stephanie, who somehow managed to look perfectly club-fitting even in her casual clothes with her blond hair laying over her shoulder in a braid, and jumped towards you and engulfed you in a sisterly hug like she always did, “How did you get us in? I saw the adverts for this place all over social media and the line was enormous. Do you know the owner?” You held back a chuckle and laid your head to the side. “You could say so,” you gave her a cheeky smile that she couldn’t quite decipher, before turning to face the complete group, “But first things first, introduction.” Since both of the groups were still standing separately enough to be distinguished between you motioned to the Waynes. “May I introduce my somewhat-adopted-not-legally-but-emotionally-family. This is Bruce Wayne - I bet you all have heard of him - these are his sons, Richard Grayson - you can call him Dick - and Jason Todd, and his daughter Stephanie - or Steph - Brown and close family friend Barbara Gordon,” you motioned to each of them in turn with their names and they nodded in greeting at the others, still unknown to them. Then you turned to the others and said: “And may I introduce to you my first ever superhero team slash found family group also known as the Avengers - or rather a view of them anyways. Here we have Tony Stark - I’m sure you heard of him too, Natasha Romanoff and Clint Barton, our two super soldiers Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes and the trickster god himself - Loki.” “Wait, Loki-Loki? The ‘battle-of-New-York’ Loki?” Jason asked in a surprised, but also amused manner and you could almost hear Loki roll his eyes. “Oh please, get over it Mortal,” he answered sarcastically, but before you could intervene Stephanie took her turn. “Oh you’re one to talk Jay, let’s not forget that.” You couldn’t help but giggle a bit at that and even though the Avengers seemed confused at how easily that shut Jason up, they accepted it as the end of that part of the conversation. For a few minutes the gathered people - a few of your favorite people in the world - started making their own introductions and you were happy that you saw them get along well. Waiting for a good opportunity to get into the conversation and get back to what you wanted to tell them, you were stopped from taking it when Dick motioned at Loki’s outfit. A deep-green suit, black dress-shirt under it, a golden tie, black hair slicked back and black asgardian armor boots - putting that certain touch to it - adorned him and you couldn’t blame Dick when he stated: “How comes none of us got a warning that we’d need to wear something fancy, but he did?” It was only now that the people who had come there with Loki had noticed his outfit and it was Tony who raised an eyebrow. “What happened to the grey jumper you said was ‘nice enough’ to be seen out with when you have to be out with us annoying mortals?” “Well, I can’t let Lady Y/N be the only one who shows that she has a sense of elegance and fashion in this despicable planet, can I now?” Loki answered sarcastically and now you wanted to roll your eyes at him calling you ‘Lady Y/N’, something you had told him to stop ages ago. “Loki isn’t actually wearing this,” you tried to clear things up, ignoring Loki’s remark, only to receive even more confusing looks, causing you to sigh. “Loki is a trickster god, he uses Illusions, he’s probably still in his Pajamas, he just makes it seem like he is wearing this.” Before anyone would start bombarding the god and you with questions, you took hold of  the conversation and used your stern hero voice to gain the attention. “Now I’m sure you’re all wondering why I invited my favorite people to a newly opened nightclub and like Stephanie has already mentioned, one that is hard to get into nonetheless. The reason is-” you made a pause to emphasize, “-that it is my club.” A wave of confused ‘what?’s hit you and you quickly explained: “Well, I needed to find another outlet than hanging around with other heroes and busting bad guys and after a talk with Oliver - he’s a friend from Starling city,” you explained for the Avengers, “I decided that opening a club was just what I needed. That’s the reason I was so absent the past few weeks, I was busy planning and employing and stuff, but from now on everything should run itself. I will be able to perfectly split my time into three for the club, hero work and friends and family.” “That’s so cool!” Stephanie squealed and gave you a high five and the others joined in congratulating you, telling you how amazing everything looked and that they were proud of you. “Boss?” a voice interrupted from behind you and you turned to see one of your staff members, “Could I talk to you for a second?”   “Excuse me for a bit, I gotta go and run my business,” you cheekily smiled and left your two favorite teams to make conversation as you and the women left through the door that lead to the stairs. “So what’s the matter? What can I he-” you were rudely interrupted when the women’s form morphed into a taller, sleeker one of a certain trickster and promptly continued to press you against the door you had just left through. “Well, well, look who’s getting impatient,” you giggled as he pressed a kiss to your jawline. That was another secret that you had kept from your teams and even from Marianne. Loki and you. If you were being quite honest you were not sure how the two of you became a thing, but somehow you did and now the two of you were waiting for the right moment to tell the rest of the team that you were a lot more than just colleagues. “Can you blame me? You should’ve told me about this, beloved, then I’d known that you were not growing sick of me. I was all worried when you kept on disappearing,” he muttered as he relished in the closeness with you. Slightly shocked at this you grabbed his broad shoulders and pushed him back slightly. “How could you ever think that, Loki? I love you, I could never grow sick of you,” you assured him and pressed a loving kiss to his lips. “That is very good to know, beloved, and I’ll make sure to remind you of that whenever you need,” he winked and you couldn’t help but giggle. “Okay, okay, but I think I have to go back now, we can pick this up again later.” You turned around and opened the door again only to catch what was being said. “We’re obviously her favorites, I mean this club is in New York, not Gotham, why do you think that is?” “Oh shut your mouth, that means nothing. You heard what she said, we’re her family, we’re her brothers and sisters. The Demon is the best proof of that.” “Which Demon?” “Oh please, she called us her family too. After all we got all the appeal of you, but we also have gods.” “She has dinner every second weekend with Superman, an amazonian goddess, the king of atlantis and a world-class magician.” “Well with us she has the world's strongest AI, a world class witch AND the sorcerer supreme, two timeless soldiers, the world's fastest man and the god of thunder.” “Oh please, our fastest man could beat your fastest man in his sleep, not to mention that we have multiple of them.” “Well then bring it on” After having heard enough you looked at Loki, back at the group - and the illusion Loki that was standing bored beside them - and back at Loki, before closing the door again. “You know what, I think I’ll just let them talk that over for a bit.” “Yeah, I think that would be best,” Loki agreed, but he was clearly amused. “What do you think they’ll do when they find out that I am actually your favorite?” he asked teasingly and snug his arms around your waist. “Honestly I’m not sure you’d survive that…”

#Loki #Loki Laufeyson #loki odinson #loki x reader #x reader #batfam #batfam x reader #dc x reader #dc #marvel #marvel x reader #avengers #tony stark #natasha romanoff #clint barton #steve rogers #bucky barnes #bruce wayne #dick grayson #jason todd #Stephanie Brown #barbara gordon #marvel x dc #crossover

[optimistpax]

Transformers media I’ve consumed rated by how much I personally liked the musical score

1. Transformers Prime

I played this OST on repeat on spotify for at least a solid week. It did not have to go that hard and it DID. Remarkable enough that noticed it regularly bc it was just THAT GOOD 11/10 Would binge listen again.

2. Transformers Cyberverse

I just think it’s neat!! Multiple scenes where you just gotta go: !!!! Fun music!!!! Also soundwave using radio music for emphasis is golden. 9/10 rad music to match the rad art

3. Bayverse

It’s fine. Allegedly won some awards but like. I don’t remember going “woah this has good music” which is my metric for how good the music is so. There you have it. It’s fine. 7/10 it exists.

4. Robots in Disguise 2015

The music for this show is all over the place. Most of its score is generic and unremarkable, some of is is very bad and it has the WORST intro music I’ve ever heard in my life. Bumped up a spot ONLY because the Starscream theme is SO GOOD and some of the villain themes in 3rd season slap. 2-8/10 how did this happen.

5. Transformers Animated

ngl I don’t remember the music in this at all. Does it even have music? I would not be able to tell you. The intro music isn’t good but it’s also incredibly funny so that’s a plus. 5/10 I miss jamming out during fight scenes composers pls come back

#transformers #optimist.txt

[majorxmaggiexboy]

idk if i’m actually going to attempt to participate but i still want to make a little list of Tober/Tember prompts and ideas of what to do with them. also tagging @f-ro-g bc New Pack. Every time i do one of these i start forgetting every media i’ve ever consumed so we’re going to see if i can at least get more than like three different fandoms on here. Might or might not come back through and flesh these out with actual details later on.

Whumptober Ideas

1) All Trussed Up and Nowhere to Go/”You have to let go”/Barbed Wire/Bound - Hadestown, full stop. The whole prompt is Hadestown. It’s in the lyrics, even. It is this post that makes me finally notice the “Keep on walking and don’t look back” line in Wait For Me and i’m so angry right now

2) Talking is Overrated/Garotte/Choking/Gagged - I’m thinking a rewrite of my first Three Musketeers fic just because it was funny the first time around and also wouldn’t take much Effort. Next.

3) Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones, But.../Taunting/Insults/”Who did this to you?”

The Bradmadge Brawl of S2E1 but with passion and malice next question

4) Trust Fall/”Do you trust me?”/Taken Hostage/Pushed

Nothing springs immediately to mind but i’m leaning toward Psych or The New Pack

5) Red In My Ledger/Betrayal/Misunderstanding/Broken Nose

*slams hand on table* New Pack. Mordaunt. It writes itself.

6) Touch and Go/Bruises/Touch-Starved/Hunger

On-Drakon we’re going to give Arman and Mira some love even if only two people on this website even know them.

7) My Spidey-Sense is Tingling/Helplessness/Numbness/Blindness

TASM just for the sake of it? Undecided

8) Coughing Up a Lung/Pneumothorax/Exotic Illness/”Definitely Just a Cold”

Ben Tallmadge and the Delaware Dive next question

9) Rumors of My Death Have Been Greatly Exaggerated/Presumed Dead/Blind Rage/Tears

Bucky it’s your turn babe

10) Oops, I Did It Again/Hospital/Flare-Up/Ice Chips

Ben you’re going back in the Delaware it’ll be so funny

11) Just Keep Swimming/Adrift/Drowning/Dehydration

Personally i think having a third Ben vs. Water fic would be the funniest possible move but Grimaud or Mordaunt could also work here

12) It’ll Be Fun, They Said/Torture/Made to Watch/Begging

Jean-Olivier comes to mind but hmmmmm there was also that one TURN S3 au that could work

13) That’s Gonna  Leave a Mark/This Is Gonna Suck/Burns/Cauterization

Hmmmmmm OH! OH! Raoul! The New Pack. Done.

14) Under Pressure/Crush Injuries/Beaten/Force

It says Force and Force is Star Wars so naturally this is Mando’s number.

15) Feed a Cold, Starve a Fever/Delirium/Fever Dream/Bees

Ben Tallmadge guess what....

16) On a Need-to-Know Basis/Recovery/Scars/Aftermath

I’m thinking the Psych Not-Ghost AU would work here but there are certainly other options.

17) Field-Care 101/”Please don’t move!”/Hemorrhage/Dread

Might go with something Leverage right here just because i just watched Leverage. Nothing’s jumping immediately to mind. Warm Bodies could also work though.

18) The Doctor is In/”Now smile for the camera!”/Doctor’s visit/CPR

I’m thinking Reid just because Dr. and i’ve never been able to write Doctor Who so. What other Doctor characters are there. McStuffins isn’t in the running here. Oh! We could do something MCU, Bruce is a Doctor isn’t he? God can you imagine Dr. Hulk trying to

19) Just a Scratch/Bitten/Bleeding/Stabbing

Didn’t ... d’Artagnan once utter the phrase “it’s just a scratch” in relation to someth.....first episode, i think? Great so we have a winner, good job everybody.

20) Lost & Found/Trunk/Trapped underwater/Solitary Confinement

Weirdly Mando is the first character to come to mind. Someone beat me to 80% of my other idea but there’s potential.

21) That’s Where the Blood’s Supposed to Be/Bleeding Through Bandages/Pressure/Blood-Matted Hair

Let’s be real the only two options for this one are Bucky or Eliot and they’re virtually the same character so where does that leave me

22) They Made Me Do It/Cursed/Demon/Obsession

*vague wave* Merlin ?

23) You Break It, You Buy It/Auction/Ransom/Pursuit

That one 3M au with Athos and the big mix-up and the Oops and all the...stuff, yeah. That works.

24) One Down, Two to Go/Self-Induced Injuries to Escape/Flashback/Revenge

Holy sh- i didn’t see this one initially. I mean? Jean? Ow.

25) Hide & Seek/Escape/Flight/Hiding

Psych? Orrrrr....TGM?

26) You Will Go Down With This Ship/Fallen/Waterfall/Trap Door

I’m trying to think of literally anything i’ve ever read or watched that’s got a ship in it ummmmmmm hey what if we interpret “ship” as yeaaaah let’s do another Mando one that’ll work

27) “I’m Fine, I Prom...”/Passing Out/Vertigo/Collapse

I mean..... .... ... is there a character this doesn’t work for though? Wait. No actually let’s do Childermass since he gets that what is it an allergic reaction to magic? I mean i know Segundus gets like that to so....ha let’s make it be Both of them.

28) It’s Not Just In Your Head/”Good, you’re finally awake”/Nightmares/Panic

First thought is New Pack but it might take some pondering.

29) All Work and No Play/”You’re still not dead?”/Too weak to move/overworked

it’s like Civil War but with Bucky and Jean-Olivier having an all-out brawl good lord it’s an either/or situation.

30) Digging Your Grave/Major Character Death/Left For Dead/Ghosts

*shot of choc milk* the exact TURN AU i was Just thinking about yesterday,,,

31) Hurt & Comfort/Disaster Zone/Trauma/Prisoner

I feel like i need to put Gwynplaine here just because he hasn’t had a turn yet

Alt. Prompts

1) Losing Control

Arman. Very obviously extramuch Arman definitely. Let’s have another one with the involuntary dragon himbo.

2) Threats

*chin hands* trying to think of a character who gets threatened a lot. will circle back. I’m actually thinking Psych again but idk.

3) Caning

Ro we’ve genuinely discussed about 16 different variations on this one i think it’s Time

4) Mercy

MORDAUNT MORDAUNT NEXT QUESTION

5) Forgotten

Is it time for Jack Frost of all people to make an appearance or is this just Bucky again

6) Head Injury

It would be real easy to just put the headbonk au here but i’m going to try to show some restraint and do a different headbonk story

7) Screaming

Going to assign Gwynplaine here just because he really has been neglected in this lineup and also it would probably be good for him to vent a little bit in this manner

8) Comfort

Someone’s going to get petted like a cat and i just haven’t decided whomst but when i do it’s over for everybody

9) Self-Sacrifice

What do i even say to that i Feels like another New Pack but it’s still up for grabs tbh

10) Trapped

Tempted to pour one out and just say Bucky but idk idk we’ll think of something this is very much a first draft stream of thought general idea planning session

11) Near Death Experience

It would be hilarious to just put something like Meet Joe Black for this one but WAIT NO NO GO BACK ACTUALLY WARM BODIES LET’S DO WARM BODIES

12) Regret

It’s gotta either be Psych or TURN

13) Tragedy

My first thought is to do a damn Hannibal fic without ever having actually watched the show just because i’m still angry about how i read it ended but considering that i only know the characters’ voices from tumblr chatposts i feel like that’s not the best venue to

heck we might just do New Pack

14) Battlefield

Either TURN or New Pack or....the song’s a little bit dramatic for a Bucky but actually....unless? no....but Maybe,

15) Anxiety

Every character i’ve ever cared about could potentially fit right here so :/ Arman could have 3rd ficlet but again, literally every character, i,,,,,they’ve all got anxiety X’D

#long post

[tobiasbotte]

Okay, I've got a weird itch, and I'm wondering if my dear netizens can help me scratch it. This is a fic rec request post. Also kind of a praise post? Skip to the end to see the request, because I go off on a bit of a tangent.

I've been…really getting into The Untamed/Mo Dao Zu Shi fanfics lately? Like, seriously, been doing a deep dive every since I finished the live action drama because holy shit that was something beautiful. And I gotta say, my favorite kinds of fics right now in this fandom are the full blown, novel length, ensemble cast ones. You know, the ones where all the right ones live, or even our favorite bad guys get redemption arcs, and almost everyone is paired off by the end. I'm a sucker for that shit. It's beautiful.

This does not negate the fact that the show (I'm working up the courage to read the actual novel that started this all - I've started, now I just need to take the plunge) is beautiful in its own right. I adore that WWX and LWJ got their happy ending. I also adore these fics.

I digress.

When I first dove into the fandom, I loved LWJ/WWX & LSZ interactions as a family. Then I fell down the WWX & JC reconciliation hell hole and I have not climbed back out, nor do I wish to! It’s amazing. But now, I've noticed that the fics that have Meng Yao|Gin Guangyao as the fulcrum are the most fascinating. Everything revolves around him, most of the time, and while I adore WWX as my favorite tortured soul and his epic pining romance with LWJ and his family dynamic with LSZ and JC, these giant fics with JGY at the center are like. Epic odysseys. It's amazing. 

And, you know, off topic of this post - which is supposed to be a cry for recs, please help - it really makes me want to write one, but first off, I know next to nothing about wuxia/xianxia style stories (though with the amount of media I've been consuming, and the cultural rabbit holes I've fallen down in on Google this past month alone, I daresay I could definitely make a good run at it), and second, just the whole psychological aspect of it for all of those characters - I pride myself on being able to read a room, especially with what I do for a living, but holy shit do these fics do a deep dive.

By the way, I speak of two specific fic authors who write the most epic JGY-fulcrum fics that I've seen so far: @mercyandmagic and @hamliet. If either of you guys see this, my respect to you as writers is through the roof. Seriously, it's mind boggling. The dissection of JGY's character, his desire for acceptance, his desperate will to live no matter what - it's beautiful. Not to mention the viewpoints of literally every other character in their fics?! And the head-hopping is amazing - not something I usually see. (Apparently this is common in Chinese fic writing, or so I’ve read somewhere? But it’s not disconcerting at all, at least not how these two do it. I kind of want to try that style...)

Lord, I don't even remember where I'm going with this. If any of my readers follow me on here, you know I'm mostly a Yu Yu Hakusho writer (let's forget the other secret account I had back in high school; I burned that, I believe). I write novella length stuff at best (of fan fiction. My original works are…massive, to say the least, which I'm proud of.). But I've never been in a fandom (and I'm in a lot of fandoms; my bookmark count on AO3 can attest to that holy shit I have a problem) that has produced such epic works that it has moved me to sway from my usual fic writing habits of safety, of topics that I'm familiar with. Seriously, I "know" wuxia/xianxia stuff now (I've been going back to my nerd roots lately and tearing through K- and C-dramas - with my mother, no less! - and absorbing a lot of cool shit. It's so fun.), but I don't know it, you know what I mean? I can explain to my mother the significance of joss sticks, paper money being burned for the dead, wedding red and mourning white, the wedding games people have to play to retrieve their spouses, cultivation culture, etc., but I'd never try to write about it because - let's face it! I'm scared. Which is funny. I'm not Japanese (I’m black/Filipino/white), but I actually grew up being fascinated by the culture thanks to my dad - our family's original weeb - and so I'm not too terrified to write fics about animes because, you know, I'm kind of familiar with it.

Chinese-based fics though? Alien to me. And it's not that I'm scared of offending anyone - I'm glad that the majority of fan culture that I have personally interacted with is nice. It's a shame that a lot of the nasty stuff gets the spotlight, gives fandom culture a bad rep, but I know that most of you guys - I'm speak of you readers/writers - are chill people who wanna vibe with the fandoms in peace.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this. I guess I'm just making excuses to not write MDZS fics by claiming that I don't want to contribute because I don't want to do the genre its in any injustice. The real reason I don't want to write it is because I don't think I'd be able to have a good grasp on the mental aspect of any of the characters! Weird. Writing fanfiction has never scared me before. I know it's because I'm comparing myself to these other awesome writers, not just the two I've listed, but all the writers of the amazing MDZS fics I've been reading, but who doesn’t compare themselves to someone else? It’s destructive. At least I’m aware of what I’m doing-

Holy shit this post is long I need to stop what was the point.

The point...

The point was - a request! So far, those are the only two writers I've come across who do those epic ensemble/fulcrum/happy ending for all/everyone is paired off fics in this fandom. Obviously I've barely made a dent in all the material that's out there, but I figured I'd save myself some time and ask if anyone in the MDZS fandom could recommend any other fics that do this.

Bonus points if it includes Qin Su/Wen Ning or Su She/Jin Zixun (like, seriously, I would have never in a million years expected to have liked the latter pairing, but when I've seen it logically laid out on how to rectify them, it fucking works?!). If not that, then my second favorite type of fics are the WWX & JC brotherly reconciliation fics with lots of gross sobbing. I adore the relationship between these two and I just want them to be a family again, please. There's a lot more of these works than the former, and I'm slowly working my way through them, but if you find some that I should absolutely read right now, lemme know.

#the untamed #mo dao zu shi #mdzs #jin guangyao #wei wuxian #lan wangji #jiang cheng #lan sizhui #family dynamics #ensemble cast #fan fiction #fanfics #writing #fandom #wuxia #xianxia #this post is one colossal cluster of ramblings please forgive me #i just want more amazing content to read #i've already gone through all the mdzs works of the mentioned writers #need more #gimme #help meeee #seriously though it's all so beautiful #this whole fandom is beautiful #you guys #all of you #are amazing

[nighttimepixels]

How do you draw chubby characters, if I can ask? I've only really been able to draw one type of body and I want to expand that! And your art is so lovely I wanted to ask you. If this ask makes your uncomfortable, you dont need to answer!

Oh stars, I dunno if I’m any sort of high tier speaker on this, but I can give a few tips?

First, it’s really common for most artists to start with only being able to draw a fairly lean or lean-adjacent stock body; it’s rad that you’re looking to work on that, and I’m delighted and cheering you on, right there with you! Also, super flustered and grateful that you’d say as much.

There are a few main things you’ll want to do to draw a better variety of body types:

Look at different body types! Actively seek ‘em out!

This sounds almost offensively obvious, but I really mean look.

Study, follow online - make observation part of your regular routine!

Are you on Instagram? Make a concerted effort to follow creators who have different body types. There are a lot of fat-positive bloggers & creators out there to vibe with! Same applies to Twitter, Youtube, etc - whatever your social media consumption, mix it up and make an active effort to diversify.

And if you’re not the type to regularly consume online real-person-visual-here content, that’s okay! Bookmark a few you like the vibe of, at least, and start checking on them more often - draw a couple random studies as you do so. Not anything you intend to post, but just - to help you get the feel of what that body feels like in it’s core lines, navigation of space, and so on!

Example of the kind of rough sketches I mean-

First one’s an exploration based on me feeling my own body, second’s referenced from online media, third’s a cross between them, and so on. These were all purposefully on the stylized end, and I focused on the feel of the body most of all.

(...Please note that I’m very sapphic and favor drawing ladies, but this applies to dudes and body types of all genders! I’m working on my dude game atm too, but it’s a WIP for sure, heh. We all gotta start somewhere, and that somewhere for us artists is... our eyeballs!)

((I imagine it goes without saying to study anatomy, from bones to muscles to of course fat itself, but here’s saying that in acknowledgement, anyways. It helps no matter how tedious it may feel to hear the advice ad nauseum XD ))

Follow and study artists that draw different types of bodies!

Maya Kern and Jijidraws (on Twitter) both pop to mind immediately, but there are so many more! I’m an artist that likes stylization, so though I work hard to get irl reference, part of being an artist is dissecting what other artists do to learn and grow on your own.

For example - on chubby/fat bodies, note how the neck & and jawline connect in a gentle slope or rolls! Note how boobs rest on tummy fat with a cat-like mouth (think the w in uwu) rather than a defined round-then-flat ‘skinny’ look. Notice how arm fat falls softly, but there’s still a little elbow definition - and often elbow ‘dimples’! Notice the way leg fat falls, moves, shifts solidly but softly against itself when kneeling... and so on!

Different artists have different ways of boiling these traits down - study ‘em and figure out what’s the core essentials, what works for your level of stylization, and keep applying those things until you get your own flare and can do it naturally.

Feel how your own body feels, and read accounts from others if possible!

No, really. Even if you’re not chubby or fat yourself - feel how your body distributes it’s mass as you bend, twist, hunch, crouch, curl. You’d be surprised how much translates - our squishy bits have to go somewhere, so figure out where that is on yourself! Both by touch/feel, and in the mirror/using the camera on your phone, if possible :)

Biased bit here, but- watch good animation with different body types!

I really like the Ghibli-type approach of stylization where you don’t just draw what you see, but you draw how the thing feels. From tears to laughter, to sleeping, to stomping in frustration, to running! That applies to literally all parts of the body.

Even if you’re not an animator, you can learn and grow so much from studying how animators move different types of bodies (and personalities) through space. Try to figure out why and how, and translate that into your own art! It’ll benefit both in helping variety in your character designs, and in portraying how they carry themselves, regardless of their shape.

====

These are just a few tips, but they’re the core of it. When in doubt, observe! But don’t think that just means still-life, fancy nude studies - though those are important and helpful too - basically, be mindful of the choices you’re making.

Use reference for everything, until it’s freakin’ second nature - and even then, use reference! And observe other artists work just as much as real life - every act of creation is in fact an act of remixing, and that’s okay - heck, that’s the beautiful, wonderful thing about creating. We’re all building off one another, and ideally, pulling one another up with each other as we go :)

Godspeed, and happy chubby drawing!! :D

#night answers #drawing tips from night #man i feel you #it's so easy to get in a body rut #personally my chubby/fat drawing's also benefitted from working on my own body positivity #bc that subconscious fuckery sure does sneak in while drawing #but hey it's all a process!! #love urself love fat bodies love ur art #love it all and trust in the process #mindful practice best practice #that's what i think a lotta basic art instruction neglects to really drive home #all the body studies in the world won't help if you don't think about *why* you're making the choices you're making #why the body 'boils down' to these key lines #and so on! #it's tricky but it's really truly doable #also think about volume over outline #if that makes sense - don't think about outlining the body #but the lines as... defining the underlying volume #start basic #then work your way up with details! #Anonymous #honestly i just love ladies of all shapes so i think of it as a treat and a relaxing exercise to get to study bodies these days #i gotta do it more often myself but try to celebrate your success rather than beat urself up for your mistakes #carrot not stick when it comes to practice habits

[whatelsecanwedonow]

“Radical empathy”. I like it—I think. If I’m understanding what you mean by just those two words lol... I’m just over/about half way in (though I do know some details of what happens in the back half). Im very curious of your thoughts. Maybe you could answer in broad strokes before the cut then free for all spoilers... and pls tag so that I can come back to it!) I gotta finish, but rn I’m building up to facing the “rat king” or w/e bc I am a massive baby and am v scared lol.

Thank you for asking!! I’ll tag this for you and put it all under a cut, just in case:

Good luck with the rat king, lmao. Nasty ass motherfucker. But the game itself, my thoughts are that it’s built game ever. Every mechanic, every movement, every control interface feels so smooth. It’s all fluid and instinctual. You can feel the detail to creation in everything. My favorite thing may be the sound design, though... the score, the ambient sounds, the sound of gore, the way that different environments feel so naturally different... everything is so real. It’s mastery. I’m already thinking about what this game is going to look like on the PS5 remaster.

As for story, yes, radical empathy!! Not my original idea but it absolutely is what this is all about. This is the darkest, most emotionally distressing... media/art experience? Ever? Surely for me and perhaps objectively, for most people. This game is unrelentingly harsh. It’s physically taxing. It’s extraordinary deep and the detail at every single level is absurd. It feels so natural in the way you inhabit it and live within the world as these people that the line between observing and participating in something is so blurred... obviously that’s the trick of a video game of this caliber, but you feel truly as if you’re an active participant with agency to make decisions in TLOU2, instead of being limited to observing what is to come. The first game did this well, but this game takes it to levels that, again, blur that line so much... I think that’s storytelling taken to a new and profound level.

And there’s all that depth and darkness meant to take you on a journey that in the end, I think. is meant to communicate not just the futility of violence, the sickening reality of the cycle of violence and how it can consume anyone. It’s saying that the best thing we can do, the bravest thing we can do, is care enough to forgive those who have wronged us most. At least, see them as people, see them as people who are equal to you. In every person is a universe, and all people have their own motivations, their own pain, their own trauma. And if you acknowledge that and overcome violent impulses that’s a radical act of empathy that can save so many people. Not the least of whom is the person who may have right to vengeance.

I’ll get more specific here: I think a lot of people are upset that Joel was killed so early on. I think they’re upset that we played so much of the game as Abby (Who I don’t love by the end, but I understand, and care about and like well enough). And it also seems they’re upset that Ellie didn’t bash Abby’s head in, or choke her out in the ocean. Well if you can’t get over that Ellie didn’t murder Abby I don’t think you get ANYTHING this game is trying to do. Killing Abby would destroy Ellie, probably forever. Murdering all of Abby’s friends already took her to the fucking brink. I think Ellie’s villainous actions in Seattle are very much akin to what we never saw Joel do, in the 20 years between Sarah’s death and Boston. She’s been broken. She was broken before going after Abby in Santa Barbara. If she had killed Abby and left Lev to fend for himself and possibly die alone, do you think she’d ever again be able to look who she’d become? She would see herself as being just as evil as Abby was to her. As evil as Joel was before learning to love Ellie. And it’s the thought of Joel, the changed man, the man who changed for and because of her that compels her to take her heroic stand. To spare Abby and refuse to go down the same road and perpetuate the cycle of violent loss.

And I hope it doesn’t seem that I’m taking Joel’s death lightly with those thoughts, I loved Joel. Watching Abby brutalize him and literally beat his brains in was stomach-turning. I identified with him so much not just because he’s a dumbass but because he loves Ellie like I love Ellie as a character. He sees that Ellie is a spectacular, hilarious, wonderful person who has known almost nothing but pain and hurt in their awful world. All he wants is to give her a chance at a world of happiness. And in protecting her and caring for her, in trying to create the opportunity for that happiness to grow, he can find redemption that he thought would never come again after losing Sarah. "If somehow the Lord gave me a second chance at that moment...I would do it all over again." That fucking broke me to pieces. Even though I think Joel and Abby’s father are both guilty of taking Ellie’s agency as a person away from her - why did it never occur to either of them to ask the girl at the center of this procedure whether she thought she should die? She was 14, so it’s arguable that she would have understood the gravity of her decision, despite the guilt of what happened with Riley...  but Joel at least did what he did from a traumatized, if selfishly-born, place unconditional love. And the reveal that Ellie knew since two years prior to the main story, I think it proves that she was at least beginning to understand his motivation. As conflicted as she was, as much as it hurt that he lied, she loved him too.

I’ve read thoughts from a few people who have interpreted this the same way that I did, and this is just interpretation... clearly the game is completely ambiguous with the ending. Ellie is, literally, all alone in the world as she leaves the farm. She could be heading off to wander aimlessly as some sort of TLOU Mad Max/Road Warrior. But that would break my heart, lol, I don’t think I can accept that. She’s learned something profound in sparing Abby. I don’t think I can ever accept that she’s just going to drift as an empty shell of what she used to be forever. I think she wants to honor Joel by attempting to live the life both of them wanted to have: one of purpose and meaning, but also lasting happiness and love.

So I find hope in that the game begins and ends on that animation of the moths. At the start of the game it represents Ellie being draw into the fire, into the futile flames of vengeance and revenge. At the end the moths represent her being drawn towards the light - she’s been freed and has made peace with herself and Joel, and is leaving the farm to embrace the goodness inside her and honor the lessons she’s learned. The same growth Joel found by loving Ellie. The same growth Abby found in sparing Ellie and Dina, which is no small parallel to Ellie/Joel in the way that it was Lev that saved Abby from falling into a spiral of violence that she may never have broken free of again.

Ellie’s will always be traumatized, but she’s so much wiser. Two fingers lighter but so much wiser. And now she’s off to Jackson to hope that Dina can find the strength to forgive her. And Dina definitely went back there, by the way, she wasn’t about to try and survive on that farm by herself with JJ. Jesse’s family said she was always welcome, if you read Ellie’s journal you’ll see that was said. So I think, with time, they can work through the pain. It’ll take some unbelievable forgiveness on Dina’s part but Dina is emotionally strong and incredibly empathic. Did you notice the one thing Dina took from Ellie’s art room? She took the portrait that Ellie created of her. She didn’t let go, not entirely. And now I’m going to choose to believe that Ellie won’t ever again, either.

And she’s going to learn to play guitar pseudo-lefty with a pick and tear shit up again. 👌

#The Last of Us Part II #tlou spoilers #tlou2 spoilers #tlou 2 spoilers #i intended to control myself and then... i didn't #Anonymous

[imagine-that-one-thing]

The Rise Of Glory.

Chapter One. || Loose lips sink ships.

Thursday, November 5th, 2024.

New York.

The grey pavements of New York have barely managed to dry from the morning rainfall that has left the town damp and lingering with a gloomy feeling. I personally feel as though this gloomy greyness will never pass. It has been raining non-stop for the last week, but deep down I feel like it has been raining for months, the flowers inside me have drowned and wilted. When flowers receive too much water, it doesn’t cleanse them or revitalises them, instead, when the soil is constantly wet, there aren’t enough air pockets for the flowers to breathe. That’s exactly how I have begun to feel—  my air pockets are filling with everything falling apart around me— and I'm slowly becoming suffocated within my own self.

As I walk along the cracked, and busy sidewalks, I notice how everyone is busy and hurrying around on this early, gloomy morning. I don't blame them, I would be bustling across the pavement too if it wasn't for an almost-three-year-old on my hip, “love? You there?” Harry’s voice echoes through the phone and I draw myself back to the conversation we were just having.

“Yeah, jus’ thinking about how I forgot to turn the washer on.” 

“I did it when I left,” Harry responds, picking up the slack for me this morning. 

This morning hasn't been the easiest, from the moment Alex woke up, Alex has been whiny and clingy, not allowing me to leave his sight for a second. With breakfast, I couldn't leave him with Harry to finish reading through the daily report from yesterday, and sending out the emails for the day-to-day operations for the next few days. Managing numerous branches of the business definitely keeps me occupied and keeps my mind running at a high speed. Sometimes, I wish it would stop. 

“Surprised you know how to use the thing. Been a while, hasn’t it?” I softly banter with Harry. It is nice to be playful sometimes, our lives consist of being structured and CEO oriented and sometimes we forget to just banter. 

“Oi, be nice,” Harry chuckles, “though, you aren’t wrong. Just been busy, I’ll do better.” 

“I’m joking,” I roll my eyes, even though he can’t see me do so. 

Here’s the thing with how Harry and I work when it comes to household chores. We pick up each other’s slack and nothing is entirely assigned to me besides the grocery shopping, he hates the grocery store with a passion. Harry usually does his best with the household, if he sees the laundry in the basket he will fold and put them away and, he does a lot more of the cooking dinner than I do– when he’s cooking dinner, I’m usually chasing Alex around to get him washed up for supper. 

Harry chuckles on the other end of the phone, “it is alright, love. I hope you know you're late, by the way," Harry says and I can almost hear the grin to his tone of voice. 

I heavily sigh and I bounce Alex, “supervising marketing efforts can wait an extra five minutes, I needed my second tea for the morning and I needed to check on Meyer Enterprise without your new team interrupting my phone calls," I murmur bitterly. Harry’s New York team aren’t as independent as London’s, I have to oversee every damn thing they do, and I don’t get a minute in my office alone because there is always someone needing my help or needing to pick my brains. Teaching a new set of staff on how to run things our way is more time consuming than I had expected. Making a phone call in private is nearly impossible, hence why I had to do it on my morning tea run.   

"Three strikes and you're out." 

"Damn, is the CEO going to fire me?" I chuckle but my chuckle fades to grey and I feel a sudden lump in my throat.

I stop in my tracks as flashes begin to go off in my direction. I stare at the group of unknown individuals in front of me with doe eyes, unaware of what to do. “Uh… Harry,” I clear my throat, “are you aware there’s a mob of people outside the building?” I challenge, settling my phone between my ear and my shoulder while I caress my hand to Alex's back, keeping him safe and secure. 

“What?” 

“There’s a mob of paparazzi,” I inform him, noticing them circling around me and taking pictures before they’re blurting out one-hundred various questions that I can’t even make out, “damnit, there goes my tea,” I mutter as the warm cup slips from grasp as I accidentally bump arms with one of the reporters. Personal space isn’t worth much apparently.  “Harry, can you come and help me?” I question as the phone line seems dead while I am swarmed by vultures trying to get their first meal off of young prey.

I try to keep myself composed as the swarm only seems to pull me further into their hole. 

They’re like a riptide, they swirl around you and then suck you under for their own benefit when you’re at your weakest. For a moment, I feel as though my world is spinning at a fast pace that I can’t keep up with, everything is weighing on my shoulders; questions are being thrown at me erratically, and I can’t manage to catch a breath. 

The crowd around me is relentless and have no intentions of giving me a second to compose myself. 

Without much warning, the mass destruction of the riptide parts like the Red Sea, and Niall emerges in front of me, “you okay? Are you hurt?” Niall questions, placing his hands on either side of my arms and looking me up and down and hiding Alexander from the cameras. 

I’m fine— well, I’m not fine— but I will be fine… eventually. 

I nod, losing my voice within the commotion of voices still yelling and taking pictures. Before I can blink, the swarm of unwanted guests splits and Harry battles his way through the melee with such ease. "I've got him," Harry takes Alex from my arms. I look at Harry, expecting answers but I’m left with nothing as he looks towards Niall with his sharp eyes. 

“Bloody morons, come on, gotta get you inside,” Niall murmurs as he places an arm around me and settles his other arm out in front of him to once again part the crowd and drive his way through with Harry behind us, “give a lady some space, damn. That how you treat all women? Disgrace yeh all are,” Niall shakes his head, making sure his voice is powerful enough for at least a few people to hear. 

Niall gets me into the building without a scratch, and the moment the glass doors trimmed with Gold close behind us, I breathe a breath of relief. “Are you okay? Are you hurt?–“ Harry begins to fret and I cut him off gently. 

“I’m fine, just fine,” I assure him as he shakes his head and bounces Alex in his arms who is evidently shaken up by the whole ordeal. 

I can tell by the way his eyes are a bright green and not grey that he has been crying, and if that isn’t enough to prove it, the red cheeks and the puffy redness under his eyes are. 

My heart sinks at the concern laced within Alex's eyes. He didn’t sign up for this.

Harry hands Alex to Niall and wastes no time with pulling me into him, “I’m sorry, you sure you’re fine?” He whispers while he rubs soothing circles on my back and I inhale his sweet scent. Unfortunately, no amount of soothing back rubs and his sweet scent is going to make things better. 

I lift my head away from his body and gaze up at him. 

I view into his enchanting, clay-grey eyes that are broad with concern, but his concern isn't enough to make me feel better about the situation and what is occurring. “I’m okay. What’s going on? They can’t be out there and do that… surely they can't do this when we have Alex. Isn't it illegal? Where the hell is your security and PR team?" I shake my head disapprovingly, gesturing my arms towards the glass doors that are crowded with the media that are still taking pictures. "Call a meeting with your PR team, now," my voice comes off as harsh and assertive, something I hadn't exactly intended. I don't usually tell Harry what he NEEDS to do, but in this case, it is either he calls the meeting or I will do it myself. 

"I don't know what's going on, I called Tara, she didn't answer." 

I raise a brow and bite the inside of my cheek before I speak, "well, either you get ahold of her and there is a meeting or we need to find a new PR team, the PR team in London would never have allowed this. Your security is a little late to the party, don't you think?" I question, noticing three men making their way towards us. 

"Are you going on a firing spree?" Harry cocks his head to the side with a small smile dangling in the corner of his lips. 

Ever since we moved to New York, three months ago, I have had very little luck with finding the right staff, it has been one hell of a roller coaster. 

"I'm not amused, now if you don't mind, I will be waiting for Tara upstairs, unless of course, I am going to be swarmed?" I sarcastically question, stepping away from Harry and opening my arms for Niall to hand me, Alex. 

✿ ✿ ✿

I stare out the office window, glancing down at the view below me, my eyes following Alex’s as he takes in everything he can see in his view. For some reason, Alex has always been fascinated with the views of the offices’— I can thank Harry for that. While in London, Harry would sneak in extra ‘Daddy’ time and bring Alex into the office with him early in the morning. Harry would stand at the window of his office, with Alex cradled in his favourite blanket and Harry would watch the sunrise with him nestled in his arms. 

There have been countless times during the night when Alex wouldn’t fall back asleep, so Harry would drive around aimlessly, and when driving around town wouldn’t calm Alex, Harry would end up at the company where he would hold Alex while observing the darkened city below. Neither of us knows what it is about the view or if it is just something Alex grew accustomed to as a baby, but it has always been Alex’s thing. I still remember the moment Alex was able to crawl, if we ever put him down in the office, he would make his way to the window and watch the city.

I turn around the moment I hear the door creak open and Harry gives me a small smile, “has he finally settled?” Harry softly asks as he looks at the two of us.

“A bit,” I nod, observing as Harry closes the door behind him and shoves his hands in his pockets. 

He looks defeated. 

He isn’t standing high and tall like the CEO I know him to be, he is standing with a grim expression and lost eyes.

“When did Niall get here?” I softly ask, unsure of whether I want to ask Harry what the problem is or if I want to beat around the bush. 

“He landed an hour ago, he and Charles are talking to a client on their business idea, hopefully, the pitch works for them, it’ll be good for Charles,” Harry responds, “but they only have today, they fly back to London tomorrow. We shall see how that all works out,” Harry adds with a heavy sigh.

“What’s wrong?” I challenge, struggling to overlook the defeated expression in a man that always stands tall.

Harry takes a moment and looks between me and the iPad in his hand, “this doesn’t look good, not even goin’ to lie.” 

“Are the stocks down again? Is the business in London down?” 

Harry shakes his head, “I think I would rather have the stocks down and lose money than to have this,” Harry sighs as he holds up his iPad before placing it on the table, gesturing for me to sit down and take a look. I step closer to the table and Alex holds his arms out towards his father, “come here, mate, Daddy needs some extra cuddles,” Harry smiles, taking his son and engulfing him with tight hugs and kisses while I sit down. 

I push the cover flap to the left to expose the iPad screen from the case, I swipe on the screen and enter the code before the page Harry was looking at pops up in front of me. 

The title alone is enough to make my heart sink and my stomach to turn into knots. 

CEO Harry Styles; the aggressive businessman.

❝ The current CEO of Styles & Co has branched out overseas and made wise decisions in stock profits but not so much when it comes to his fists. 

A new report alleges that Harry Styles isn’t who we think he is. An anonymous source has revealed gruelling details about how the CEO has a dark side to him. Back in 2020, Harry Styles was involved in an altercation that led the victim almost lifeless. The dispute occurred late one night after Styles attended a business event for charity. He was spotted leaving the event without his soon to be wife at the time, Elise Cartier. Not long after leaving her at the event, he drove across town to meet Charles Taylor, who was meant to be out heading towards the airport at ten-fifteen to catch the next flight out of London. Instead of catching his flight, he found himself at the ragged end of his brother’s fist. Yes, brother. Harry Styles may be a CEO and a family man when in the prying eye of the public, but behind closed doors, he is the type of man who pounds his brother until he is black and blue. 

Since his attacking debut with Charles, Harry Styles has reportedly become one of his companies most feared— and his own employers don’t want to work with him, they’re terrified every time he turns down a pitching idea for the company. His London team are mostly transferring to his business located in New York to get away from the monster who intends to stay in London.❞

I glance up at Harry as he sways from side to side with Alex, keeping him relaxed and tranquil, “Harry,” I begin, swallowing hard as my mind attempts to think of something positive and uplifting to say. Granted, finding a positive outcome in things has been gravely hard for me lately. “It’s false media propaganda. Don’t let it get to you.” 

“That would be easier if the media wasn’t outside of the building asking questions and if clients weren’t questioning whether to pull out. They now think I am some threatening man who punches people.” … “I’m not that person, Elle. I don’t-" Harry breathes and looks up at the ceiling to catch a moment to breathe. 

"We will figure it out, we always do," I assure Harry and I stand to my feet. Harry and I have overcome more obstacles in the last ten years than I can think of, there has been nothing we haven't managed to overcome together. This issue will be no different. 

“This is going to mess with my new staff, they’re going to think it’s true, this will compromise the business here and in London. The investors, here in New York, are going to start pulling out once the news travels.”

I wander towards Harry and I lean up and kiss his flushed cheek, "it will be fine, we will figure it out," I assure Harry with a small smile. Before he can reply, or I can speak any further on what is going on, we are interrupted by Charles and Tara walking in. 

I suspected Harry's silver-grey eyes to narrow down on his brother and for there to be some sort of cynical energy between them. But there isn't. There isn't any sort of resentment or blame between the two of them. I can't help but wonder if Harry doesn't think Charles could have been the anonymous source or maybe Harry knows he is and he isn't going to act upon it. 

We give and receive a few swift greetings and I take a seat while Harry continues to stand with Alex. "Let's get this out of the way, what is going on? Why are these things getting published? Surely you can tackle these and get them taken off the internet?" I straight out challenge Tara, "your job is to maintain a positive reputation and to maintain a strategic relationship with the public, prospective customers, partners, investors, employees and other stakeholders... That isn't happening. This one article is compromising his reputation so easily. How is that possible?" 

Tara nods her head, "Elise, this was unexpected, none of us could have known it would be released. I can not control what is written on the internet; what I can control is how we react to this." 

"So we do a press release?" Harry interjects, "what the hell am I meant to say, 'thank you for your false words but I am not a maniac who beats the shit out of people?' granted it was deserved, he was involved in the scandals," Harry grumbles and glances his eyes towards his brother. 

My eyes grow wide at Harry's comment and I can't help but scold him, "Harry, that is not appropriate right now." Clearly, he still hasn’t learned sometimes he needs to keep his damn comments to himself.

"Yeah, try not to tell the press, Harry, that it was deserved," Tara sighs, staring between Harry and Charles. 

"It was deserved, Harry didn't do it just because he felt like it. It is nobody's business what went down before we fixed things, and I am willing to make a press release to say that," Charles speaks up, "I'm not the anonymous source, by the way. I know you probably think that, Tara." Charles glances towards Tara, making sure he clears the air. I don’t blame him, he would be the first one to be blamed for something, it isn’t like he has a clean track record, and part of him still has evilness drawn to him. 

"Nobody is making a press release unless it is Harry and written by me. This is what is going to happen, nobody is speaking to the media, do not react negatively, it will make it worse. As for the media outside, they are allowed to be there because it is considered public property where they are standing." ... "I’ll look into making sure pictures of Alex are blurred or taken down.”

“Can we ask them to take the story down? I will pay them for the story rights,” Harry offers but Tara shakes her head. 

“The damage is done, taking it down would only make you look more guilty of the accusations.”

“I am guilty of them. That night isn’t false news,” Harry sighs, his eyes doing their best not to make eye contact with anyone in the room. 

He’s ashamed and embarrassed with what this day has caused. Perhaps, he’s ashamed of who he used to be and the night he became physically violent in the name of love. 

Tara nods, “I know, but if we pay to have the articles taken down, it’ll look like you’re hiding. You have to ride this out, it’s the best option.” 

“It doesn’t seem like the best option when my wife and son are getting swarmed by the media.” 

“They’re not just swarming over this article, they want info on everything, Harry. You’re a few deals away from being the biggest CEO in London, you’re big news, you branched the company to New York in just a few weeks and made it a highly successful branch, that’s rare.” 

Harry shakes his head, “I don’t want to be big news. I want my family safe, and I want my employees safe.” 

Tara nods and briefly looks between Harry and I, “you need some good media attention, is there any good news we can release? Any new investments? Donations? I have spoken to your team in London, they are doing damage control the best they can over there.” 

Harry shakes his head, “the media is all over my business news, they know everything, I couldn’t even keep NYC quiet.” 

“What about family-wise? Is there anything we can use? Your Mum’s organisation? Elise’s father’s business? Her uncle’s?”

“No, there’s nothing new… we aren’t bringing our family into this,” Harry again shakes his head as he continues to bounce Alex in his arms. 

He has never wanted either of our family to mesh into the business. Harry would rather rise in glory and befall in defeat all on his own.

“You need to think of something that’ll shine your name in a better light. What about your sister? Isn’t she a writer?”

“I don’t care, I’ll do charity work, I’ll do a press release, whatever it takes. I’m not bringing family matters into this, no.” Harry shakes his head, refusing to use any good news family-wise to shine him in a better light, “no family is to be brought into this, this includes her family’s businesses, I mean it, Tara.” Harry is assertive with his tone of voice. 

He has never been one to use the family as a step up or a step down within the business. He has always been stubborn and refused to have himself associated with my family business once he branched out from My Uncle, Jamie, and started his own business that is now known as ‘Styles & Co.’

“What about Elise coming back to work? She was on a break for a little, we could use that as a new story to spin.” Tara offers up another suggestion, one of which breaks my heart and takes me back to what I wish I could forget. 

Instantly, Harry shakes his head, “no, her personal leave isn’t a story to spin.” 

“You’re not giving me much to work with here.” 

“As I said, her personal leave isn’t a media story, drop it,” he firmly responds, narrowing his eyes towards her to get his point across. 

Tara nods her head with a slight sigh, “then you need to be on your best behaviour and get in the good graces of the media. There is not much I can do, just… all of you just keep quiet. Loose lips sink ships,” Tara informs all of us and we all agree, “you need to start attending more events and hosting events.” 

“Yes,” Harry nods, “keep in mind that I have a family to care for before I take care of my business, I can’t run off to one-hundred different events,” Harry responds, not too fond of the conversation taking place. 

I don’t blame him, but it isn’t Tara’s fault, she’s trying to do her job. “I have work to do, this meeting is over,” Harry dismisses the meeting and the others in the room, giving nobody the opportunity to challenge him and continue. 

Harry and I are left alone in the meeting room and he closes the door, giving us some privacy. 

Harry gives us a moment of silence, more than likely trying to figure out the thoughts running through his head. Harry looks down at Alex and softly smiles at him, he presses a kiss to his forehead before Harry’s eyes glance over towards me, “are you okay?” Harry asks the same damn question he has been asking for the last few weeks, the same question that keeps getting the same answer.

“I’m fine,” I nod, unsure of who I’m trying to convince more, Harry or myself at this point. 

The definition of fine is not me, but I will do what it takes to make Harry think it is. 

Harry rolls his eyes and takes a breath in an attempt to keep his cool, “so you’ve been saying for the last three months, but it doesn’t feel like you’re fine.” 

“I need to get back to work,” I softly respond, avoiding eye contact with Harry as I stand to my feet. 

“Elise,” Harry stands in front of me and presses his finger under my chin, forcing me to look up at him, “Elle, please don’t push me away.” 

“I’m not,” I bluntly lie. 

I’m not trying to purposely push him away, I’m just trying to avoid things at all costs. It’s hard to look at the man I love, who gives me everything I could ask for, and in return, I am a failure for the one thing he can’t give me, but I can give him. “I have work to do, supervising marketing efforts doesn’t happen on its own, Harry, nor does reviewing the company’s global footprint.”

Harry heavily sighs and his lips purse like he has been chewing a lemon rind, a sign of his distaste and hidden anger that is more than likely building up. If his pursed lips aren’t enough of a sign that he is frustrated and somewhat angry, his enchanting, clay-grey eyes with contracted pupils are a heavy sign. “The global footprint right now is fine, Elle. Are you sure you want to work? You can take as much time off as you need.” Harry knows I am doing my best to avoid the conversation he is trying to initiate, just like he knows I am trying my best to fill up my time the best that I can so I don’t need to think about things. If I don’t have time to myself to allow my emotions and thoughts to run wild, I can’t feel them.

“Well, I need to get on top of the fact that one of your teams is off-budget, so if you don’t mind, I have work to do, I will talk to you later,” I grant him a lacklustre smile, answering his question on whether I need more time off.

I don’t need more time off work, I have had enough time to mope around the damn penthouse that although is filled with all the furniture we desire and luxurious items, it still felt so damn cold and empty. The thought of being alone in the penthouse again makes my skin crawl. No amount of vintage or expensive items makes up for the bitter coldness I feel when I’m alone in the penthouse. 

“I won’t hold my breath on that,” Harry mutters under his breath, his lips set in a grim line while I walk out of the meeting room and lock myself away in my office. 

I stare at the documents piled on my desk, documents that can probably wait another week; I have locked myself in here since I started working again and I am on top of everything. I have used work as an excuse to keep me occupied, and as a way to spend hours on end away from the penthouse. The Penthouse doesn’t feel like home, it doesn’t possess the same warm feelings as our home in London does. I take a breath and I pull at one of the files, determined to keep myself occupied, but I can’t help but replay the scenes of this morning in my head: the mobbing, the questions, the meeting, and Tara and her reminder of my absence of leave. 

My absence of leave was impromptu and it all started on Monday, August the 26th.

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[shoheiakagi]

Summary: In which HOMRA is a bunch of college frat boys trying to get in your pants. Or: “Come back, I’m not done wasting your time.”

Warnings: Some might be a bit ooc since they’re all fuckboys in here (some more than others), y/n culture, angst, somewhat explicit ***, unrequited feelings, Chitose in his natural habitat, Fujishima is a furry, Yata still can’t talk to women, and Bandou still can’t get laid.

Word Count: 5.6k lol

Notes: OKAY, IT’S FINALLY HERE. I was working on my FwB piece with @mangoqueens when we were suddenly like, “Okay, but fuckboy!homra tho.” Also, not including the trio in this one cause I wanted to focus on the younger guys more. A quick shoutout to @anewmourning for helping me come up with ideas for fuckboy!fujishima. This is my first ever time doing something like this, so I apologize for any grammar mistakes or stale dialogue. Reblogs/replies are appreciated!

This is pretty self indulgent, so ignore it if it’s not your thing.

Yata

Obnoxious in a completely different way from the average fuckboy (as in he doesn’t break your heart. Well, not intentionally).

That one guy who always shows up to your Philosophy class late with loud rap music blasting from his headphones, with a skateboard under his arm.

But if he’s not coming to class late, he’s skipping. You don’t think you ever saw him come to class on time (seriously, why is he even in this class?).

If he’s not sleeping in class, he’s always arguing with someone, even the Professor. Usually, that random student happens to be you.

“What the fuck do you mean we don’t have free will?” “I mean that there’s something called fucking fate which means everything is destined to be, you asshat!” “The fuck did you call me?”

You happened to be the lucky student he fights with cause of the one time you ‘accidentally’ told him to shut the fuck up (but in a ‘kind’ way cause you can’t just go around cursing during class) and you’ve been on his radar ever since.

But not in that “damn, i wanna fuck her” way, more like “i hate her, i gotta ruin her life” type of way since you pretty much embarrassed him in class.

Doesn’t really hate you or wanna ruin your life though, just likes to start fights with you over petty shit (Bandou would be proud).

Intervenes whenever you’re flirting with another guy in class with the pretext of trying to “save” him from you.

And everyone definitely notices his behavior towards you cause no matter how obnoxious Yata is, he never picked any fights with girls (except for that one busty blonde who’s part of the student govt).

If he’s really feeling bold (and stupid), he would sometimes tug on your hair or jab you with his pen to get a reaction out of you in class.

Pretty much the embodiment of the whole “you know a boy likes you if he teases you a lot.”

Your philosophy class is practically a war zone at this point with how much you two bicker (which really pisses everyone off). 

One day your prof assigns the class a group paper and partners you and Yata up (probably for some sadistic reason). 

You refuse to have anything to do with Yata at first but then he just declares that you can write the whole paper then. So you bitterly suck it up and force him to contribute just out of spite (you know if you write it yourself, your grade will be higher. But you’re honestly willing to take the lower grade if it means Yata will suffer in the process). 

He stands you up whenever you arrange to meet in cafes, the library, etc. You leave him really angry, nasty texts and tell him to go to hell.

You were over it one day and marched up to his dorm room, banging on the door, demanding that he let you in. He opens the door, irritated with you, and you push through and start going OFF on how much of an idiot and a dick he was. 

And as cliche as it is, you guys were too busy yelling at each other to notice how the distance between you two was getting shorter and shorter until you had him backed against the wall. Yata looked at your lips, before looking up to glare at you, “I fucking hate you.” Before you can respond some equally nasty shit, he immediately slammed his lips against you. 

What started off as a kiss, eventually turned into you getting fucked by Yata against the wall (God, you never knew a day like this would ever happen...and that he would actually be a good fuck despite his height and inability to talk to most women).

You both eventually fall into this pattern of sleeping with each other, since it’s an easier way to deal with anger and stress.

But other than sex, nothing changes between you two. You still treat each other like shit.

And in the end, your paper got a C+ so at least you passed.

You didn’t notice that you caught feelings for him until a friend pointed out that you seemed to have softened up on Yata (which you denied, of course).

But once you realized that his smile is probably one of the cutest things you’ve ever seen and how his usually obnoxious laugh suddenly became endearing to you, you noticed a change in his behavior.

He...he doesn’t pick a fight with you that much anymore? That’s a good thing, right?

But...he doesn’t really talk to you that much either, other than some half assed replies. And he stopped coming over for sex too. 

Was fighting (and sex) really the only way you guys communicated with each other?

You try not to think much of it and decide to treat yourself to your favorite drink at the cafe nearby.

And it wasn’t until you were halfway across campus when you hear that familiar voice and your heart started beating like crazy when he came in your view.

But before you can call out to him, you notice the petite figure walking next to him. And then you really take a look at Yata this time.

For the first time ever, you see Yata unlike his usual, loud self. He’s patiently teaching the pretty girl how to use his skateboard, and when she holds onto him in fear of falling, you see how broad his smile gets, despite his awkward stammers and obvious blush. It was only when the girl leans over to kiss his cheek, when you decide to walk away.

It’s just in your fate for your first heartbreak to be like this.

Kamamoto

Ah yes, the king of ghosting™

So here’s the thing, you didn’t think much of him at first. But then you found out that he’s one of them and suddenly, he was just another annoying ass fuckboy to you.

So you were shocked to see him join the home economics club you were part of. 

Didn’t take you long to change your opinion again cause despite his sketchy appearance and friend group, he was such a sweetheart??? He was always making sure all of the club members were appreciated and acknowledged for their efforts, would bring food for everyone, etc.

And you find yourself becoming friends with him, learning about how his parents owned a liquor store back home, how he spent his first couple of years in college undeclared cause he was following Yata around so that they can major in the same field, which obviously didn’t work out (fortunately, he was able to discover his passion for cooking).

It was during a rainy day when he was walking you back to your dorm when he leaned over to kiss you. And it was after a couple of dates, you decided to ride him in your dorm when your roommate was out. 

And all was well till it was the end of the semester and it was time to go home for summer break. Despite promising to keep in touch over the summer, you notice the good morning texts becoming rare until it just stopped showing up. Replies to your texts would be vague or one worded (if it’s one of those lucky days where he finally decides to text back). It doesn’t take that long for you figure out what’s happening.

He’s ghosting you.

aka he’s breaking up with you without even letting you know.

He wants to play that game? Then fine, you’re not the type to beg someone to stay anyway. Out of sight, out of mind.

“Easier said than done,” you mused to yourself as you search for his Instagram later on.

You don’t know what you were expecting to see on his page, but you definitely were not expecting to see this thin, surfer looking guy pop up, donning the same name and username as Kamamoto.

You check his instagram and see his latest selfies and you can’t believe what you’re seeing???? Who is this guy and where is Rikio???

You thought that Kamamoto must have changed his @ until you realized that the names still there and that the other homra guys are following him (with jealous, bitter comments from Yata, Bandou, and Chitose).

He posts a lot of pics with so many pretty girls, his comment section is filled with girls, he’s out partying with so many girls. 

And you can’t help but notice this petite girl named Ayumi, who keeps popping up in his comments (and the fact that he’s always replying to her).

You eventually give up. Maybe this is a sign from God that it wasn’t meant to be.

But when you come back to uni, you noticed that he’s back to his normal shape. How does he lose and gain that much weight in such a quick span of time??? And his hair???? 

Ironically, he suddenly remembers your existence and pretends as if he didn’t ignore you during the summer.

When he waits for you outside of your classroom with a boxed lunch for you two to share, you immediately turn around and walk away.

You loved yourself too much to let yourself be used like that.

Akagi

You know him cause everyone on campus knows him, judging by the large amount of followers he has on social media, and how he’s always seen hanging with all types of people on campus.

The type to constantly post shirtless pics and gym selfies, so that he can show off his abs and biceps (you may or may not have drooled at one or five pics). Posts videos of his crazy nights out, which always include girls and alcohol. Strangely enough though, with the amount of girls he’s seen with, you don’t hear any crazy rumors about him with any of the girls he’s seen with other than a casual hookup here and there.

He also happens to be in your consumer behavior class. And unlike the majority of the class, he’s one of the rare people who takes this class cause he actually majors in marketing. It fits him though, he’s an extremely social person who is good at persuading people, as proven during his presentation of why students should invest in the shitty gym near campus (y’know, the type ex convicts work out at), rather than the one provided by Uni.

It wasn’t until you worked with him in a group assignment that you realized that he’s a lot nicer than he looks. Suddenly, conversations about the group assignment transitioned from sitting next to each other in class to actually hanging outside of class and making plans.

It didn’t take a long time for you to realize that you were whipped for this full time student, part time delinquent with puppy dog eyes and a boyish grin.

Despite your sudden revelation, things were normal between you two. As much as you wanted your feelings to be reciprocated, you knew there was a line between your fantasies and reality. The way he interacted with you was pretty much how he interacted with everyone else and that is something you have come to understand. You guys were just friends, and nothing more.

Well, that’s what you thought until that one party homra threw a party in celebration for Bandou getting a C- in his Cultural Anthropology midterm that he thought he was going to fail (at this point, they were just desperate to throw a party).

Shouhei was a social butterfly with a lot of friends, so you weren’t surprised that he didn’t remain by your side after greeting you and your friends since he was busy rotating between different groups of people throughout the party. 

But what you didn’t expect was him coming over to talk to you about the upcoming marketing exam while you were dancing along with one of your guy friends. But you realize that it’s just an excuse when he puts his hand on your lower back, inviting you to his room so that you guys can talk in private (but you didn’t care).

Next thing you know, you’re laid up on his bed with his face buried between your thighs.

Ever since that night, things have changed between you guys. Suddenly, study sessions in reserved study rooms would end up with you bent over the table while he thrusts into you. And if you didn’t know better, you would’ve thought this was his infamous friend, Chitose you were dealing with. 

But you know it’s Shouhei when you find out that you guys are exclusive (which relieves you when you remember how many pretty girls he’s friends with) and how there are times where you guys would have sweet pillow talks where you both talk about general shit like future aspirations but also some deep shit like family issues.

But things get difficult cause you guys act like you’re in a relationship, even though you aren’t.

You want to be in a relationship with him, but he’s not sure if he wants to settle down yet.

But he also doesn’t want to let you go, preferring to have you as his girl, but w/o officially being his girl.

You deal with this clownery shit for a few more weeks (cause you’re weak) until you finally decided to put an end to w/e you two have going on, and blocking him on social media right before the semester ended.

You eventually link up with another guy from uni over the summer and things go great with him and you guys return to the new semester as a couple.

You forgot all about Shouhei until you come across him with Bandou and Chitose on the hallways while walking with your man.

Shit, you just made eye contact with him, time to pretend you don’t know this guy.

But he calls out your name anyway, and asks you how’ve you been since you’ve been pretty awol.

(Even though Shouhei stopped walking in order to talk to you, Chitose and Bandou continue to walk past you. You don’t know if you should be relieved or worried).

You tell him that you’ve been pretty busy (trying to pretend that you didn’t block him on ig) and introduce him to your boyfriend.

You couldn’t help but notice Shouhei sizing up your man while talking to you. “So you went off and got yourself a boyfriend, huh?” His tone was carefree and nonchalant, but you knew better.

“Well we had some pretty good times together last semester too. Did you tell him about me?” *Cue implications of sexual (and semi romantic) relationship you shared with him to make your bf jealous and to back off*

You grab your bf’s hand and walk away from him before things can get messy.

Pretty much resorts to sending you texts asking if he can see you, and that just cause you’re in a relationship, doesn’t mean you can’t hang with other guys. Leaves you drunk messages and voicemails, begging you to come back to him, and how he thinks he fell in love with you.

First one to wish you a happy birthday text (even before your own bf) at 12 a.m. despite you not talking to him for months.

You want to save his texts and messages for memories’ sake (and that somewhere deep inside of you, you still have some leftover feelings for him) but you end up deleting it just incase your bf comes across it.

To move on is to grow.

Bandou

That one weird, quiet kid who usually sits in the back of the classroom, all bundled up in a hoodie and a dark pair of sunglasses (yes, even inside the classroom). 

You initially thought he was pretty harmless (despite his suspicious apparel) since he usually minded his own business and worked alone.

But you were wrong. so so wrong.

It happened to be one of those days where the professor randomly announces some assignment in class and everyones already paired up, leaving you no choice but to partner with little miss sunshine at the back.

And that is when you unfortunately get to know him. For someone who doesn’t talk much, he’s hella loud. If he’s not cursing at every error message he receives from entering a code, he’s ranting about the smallest (and dumbest) shit you can possibly think of. But it didn’t really bother you that much until it happened. 

 While working through the assignment, you would feel his gaze on you. But anytime you would look up to meet his gaze, he would quickly turn away with a small smirk on his face. This goes on for a while until you finally hiss at him to stop staring at you. He immediately goes on defense and sneers at you, “Well shit, I didn’t know it was a crime to look at people these days. You should probably seek therapy if people looking at you scares the shit out of you.” 

And you swear you never wanted to smack someone this bad before.

You were hoping that the assignment would be finished asap, so that you wouldn’t have to deal with him any longer. But fortunately for you, the professor decided to extend the deadline for the assignment, so that means more quality time spent with your partner. You frown, while Bandou smirks.

If you thought he was bad in person, he’s even worse in social media (you refuse to give him your number). Always sends you a message, especially after you post a selfie. 

Pretty much the embodiment of texting like a straight white boy.

“Oh so you’re alone in your room now?? What are you wearing now??” *gets no responses back*

As per tradition, sends you an unsolicited dick pic while messaging you about a class assignment.

You see him without his stupid get up for the first time in a party thrown for him by his friends. And wow, he’s actually really fucking cute??? Who knew fucking Bandou would be that good looking? But alas, his annoying personality remains the same. 

He tries to pull a move on you while on the dancefloor, whether it’s to give you a kiss or to have you grind on him. He gets annoyed when you reject him (again) and tells you to leave the party since you’re not giving him any action, with a (cute) pout on his face.

“Y’know, this party was held for ME. It’S MY party so I can tell people to leave whenever I want to-wait you’re actually leaving????”

And maybe it’s because of the realization that Bandou is a lot cuter than you thought, or the fact that you have grown used to his company (and advances), you’re on your knees in an empty bathroom stall, giving him the best blowjob he’s possibly ever had. 

Which you ended up regretting since the next day you were met with whistles and smug smirks when you walked passed some of the guys of homra, immediately knowing why when your eyes zeroed in on a smug Bandou, who threw you a kissy face.

You were planning to ignore them and go on with your day, since this type of behavior is expected from them, but once Bandou made that infuriating kissy face with his infuriating ass face, you went straight up to them and smacked him right across his face, leaving the others stunned. 

You looked at them with a raised eyebrow, silently challenging them. Chitose stepped up, about to say something, but Kamamoto grabbed him back.

Once you were sure none of them did anything, you walked right past them. Your face was heated up. A part of you was shocked that you actually smacked Bandou, that too in front of his friends. Another part of you was super embarrassed that you ended up giving that fuckboy a blowjob, which gave him the opportunity to brag about it to his fuckass friends. You don’t even know why you’re so angry, you knew this was something to be expected. Maybe it’s cause you actually found Bandou cute that night, or maybe it’s cause you lowkey ended up having a soft spot for him. Cause as annoying as he was, there was something endearing about him, especially with the way how he would nag about you being a bitch to him, but then immediately helping you with a coding problem that you didn’t understand without you even asking.

But that doesn’t matter now, since what’s done and done. Bandou Saburouta is just as much as an asshole as his friends, and you don’t want anything to do with that. 

Chitose

Before you had class with Chitose Yo, you knew exactly three things about him: 1. He’s pretty much the ringleader of all the fuckboys (it makes sense since he’s a finance major), 2. He briefly considered majoring in the liberal arts field just because it had more girls (you heard this one from one of your friends who hooked up with him last semester), and 3. He hooked up with the young T.A. of the required psychology class he had to take. Needless to say, that did not end pretty.

Being a part of the campus’ social scene, you’ve always heard about Chitose Yo and his womanizing ways. He was that one guy who was always surrounded by girls in parties, eventually leaving soon with his (victim) date. 

But you’ve never actually interacted with him until your Business Policy class. You weren’t surprised when he comes to class late, giving the professor a sheepish grin and grabbing the empty seat next to you. 

He didn’t notice your presence until the professor called out your name during attendance. You knew you were a goner once he turned to look at you, slowly checking you out with an infuriating (albeit, sexy) smirk on his face.

It took you approximately two classes to be charmed by him, and a party to sleep with him.

You guys become fuck buddies, and you become accustomed to the “you up?” texts he sends around 3 a.m. (obviously turns out to be full blown sexting between you two).

As much as you hate to admit it, you eventually catch feelings for him. Not only is he the best dick you ever had, he is a genuinely funny and charming person. 

Unfortunately for you though, Chitose is strict on his “stay away from relationships” rule. You know that if he ever finds out about your change in feelings, he will lose interest and cut all contact with you (and you honestly don’t think you’ll be able to take that), so you bottle it up and pretend not to care when you hear of him sleeping with someone else (this asshole even asked you to join him and this other girl for a threesome), or when he always chooses party and alcohol over you.

In the bright side (well, as bright as it can be), he’s at least honest with where you guys stand and doesn’t string you along. But you know that’s just bare minimum at this point.

You thought you were able to endure it all. But then that happened.

You guys were having sex when your roommate went out. And for once, he was actually being super romantic and soft with you. For a moment, you couldn’t help but think that maybe he’s finally coming around. But that all changes once called out a name that definitely was not yours.

Oh. Oh.

Needless to say, it got awkward real quick and you guys didn’t finish.

He admits to you that he called out his ex girlfriend’s name...His ex girlfriend from high school... Someone who he never got over, and how their breakup affected him a lot more than you thought.

“I’m sorry to hear that, but I think you should leave.” You don’t think you can do this anymore. Fortunately, Chitose does not fight back and immediately leaves.

This guy needs a therapist, but that’s not your job.

Dewa

So heres how it goes: you know Dewa through Chitose (who you were so close to having sex with but the party you guys were hooking up in was crashed by the R.A. (it was one of those small, congested parties held in a dorm)). And you know that he’s not your biggest fan since he thinks you share one brain cell with Chitose and all of his other girlie friends (doesn’t help that you once threw up in his favorite hat during a party)

That’s fine with you cause you don’t like guys who act like there’s a stick up their ass anyway.

Dewa is a different type from his friends. Where his friends were loud, obnoxious, and brass, Dewa has a superior complex in which he thinks he’s better than everyone else (honestly with that attitude, he might as well be part of the student govt. rather than a frat house). To this day, no one knows how him and Chitose are best friends. 

But you can’t deny that underneath his glasses and that ridiculous derpy hat, he’s hot. A different kind of hot from Chitose, but hot (and that you really wouldn’t mind riding him, but that’s a conversation for another day).

He’s one of the few students who actually knows what the fuck is going on in your accounting class, so you couldn’t help but swallow your pride and ask him to tutor you (unless you wanted to retake this class for the third time).

So you both agree to meet up in the campus’ library during the weekend when its more quiet than usual and there’s not that much people around, and you’re not sure how you feel about that (but it’s only an hour long tutoring session. You will be able to tolerate him for that long, right?).

So far, the tutoring session has been pretty surprisingly quiet, aside from a couple of snarky remarks from Dewa, which you chose to ignore (considering your temper and mouth, that is a feat and honestly, you deserve to treat yourself once the session ends). 

You were just about to think that maybe getting tutored by Dewa wasn’t so bad until you felt a warm hand slide up your thigh (you just had to wear shorts too, dammit).

You looked up at him in shock, only to see that he’s not even paying attention to you. Instead, his gaze was locked on your exam paper, and if it wasn’t for the hand on your thigh, you wouldn’t think he was interested in you. “Wow, you’re stupid. You seriously don’t know the difference between a balance sheet and an income statement? That’s some basic elementary shit right there,” he remarks in a bland tone.  

“Shut the fuck up, I already told you that I don’t fucking get this shit,” you snap back at him. But as you two were arguing, his hand keeps sliding higher and higher till you eventually reach over and stop his hand. 

Only then does he look up from the paper to glance at you. “I can leave if you’re not interested.”

You take a good look at him, wondering what he’s playing at. You decide to play along, eventually loosening up and letting his hand continue its journey. 

Throughout the session, he “rewards” you with a kiss on different parts of your body (from innocent places like the inside of your wrist to more dangerous places like your inner thigh), every time you get an answer right. It didn’t take that long for you both to end the session quick, immediately rushing over to his dorm. 

(And boy, did he look cute moaning underneath you while you rode the fuck out of him).

Maybe it was stupid of you to think otherwise, but you made the mistake of asking him about the next tutoring session, and how you guys can grab lunch right after.

The look he gave you made you feel like utter shit. “You don’t really think I’d go on a date with a girl like you, right? I thought I made it obvious that I have higher standards than Chitose.” 

Despite the angry tears threatening to drop (dammit, you promised yourself that you would never cry over a boy), you immediately slapped Dewa before quickly dressing up and getting the fuck out of his dorm. 

He’s not a fuckboy like his friends, but you’re beginning to think that he’s a lot worse.

Fuck him (and this time, not literally).

Eric 

Probably the more intimidating one out of his group since you don’t think you can ever recall him with a genuine smile on his face (and no, those sinister smirks don’t count). But that didn’t matter to a lot of girls, including you.

Despite his quiet and standoffish demeanor, Eric is noticed for his Eurocentric features, accent, and witty remarks. 

In your eyes, he fit the look of a European prince who has come to take you far, far away from everyone else and live happily ever after (yes, you’re in college, not in middle school).

You genuinely had a crush on him when you first saw him, but never had the guts to talk to him, let alone confess, since you’ve seen him coldly reject other girls (as much as you hate to admit it, you’re not good at dealing with rejection).

But you’re pretty sure you got over him since you now share an English literature class with him (you’re not sure why he’s even in this class if all he does is sleep) and actually got to know him. Somewhat.

Whenever you would participate in class discussions, whether it would be to discuss the current book you’re reading or to speak in english, you would always hear a smartass remark or question from him, which usually ends up with you looking dumb in front of the whole class. 

It especially doesn’t help that he stares you down while he calls you out on any mispronunciations you make. And you don’t think you’ve ever felt as self conscious as you do in this class because of him.

You do hate him for it but you don’t really stand up for yourself against him (he’s too intimidating and you like to pick your own battles). 

And to be fair, he’s probably just being an asshole. He doesn’t really know who you are (or care).

That’s what you thought until you go to the party thrown by his friends one night. 

And maybe it’s because of the alcohol in your system, but you immediately snap at him when he mocks your broken English accent.

So used to you not speaking back to him, Eric couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow before letting out a chuckle. “So she speaks!” he says in a sarcastic tone. But before you can reply, he immediately leans over and kisses you.

You won’t deny and claim that you never thought about kissing Eric, you’ve had way too many daydreams with him. But this kiss was nothing like the kiss you imagined in your daydreams. 

For someone who appears quiet and somewhat soft-spoken, Eric kisses rough, and it’s nowhere near romantic as you wanted it to be. His hands grip on to your shoulders tightly, before sliding over to your hips to pull you closer. You pull back from the kiss, in favor of placing kisses on his neck and collarbone.

(You didn’t imagine getting with Eric like this, but you weren’t going to let go of this opportunity, either).

He eventually pulled you into a nearby room, making sure to kick out the half naked couple that was on the bed. It wasn’t too long before he pounded into you while you were on your hands and knees.

Once it’s over, you were left staring at the ceiling while he puts his clothes back on. Without a word, he leaves the bedroom. 

So much for a prince charming, huh?

Fujishima

The Soft Boy™ 

Double majors in animal biology and zoology to become a vet for fuck’s sake.

You start talking to him cause he’s probably the softest and sweetest boy you’ve ever met, despite his appearance. 

But boy were you wrong (x2).

He listens to you attentively, offering kind words and good (generic) advice, assuring you that he’s nothing like those other boys (he’s lying, look at his friend group).

Tells you that unlike those other guys who want to fuck and dump you, he wants to get to know you and make love to you.

And everything is all fine and dandy until holy shit, you realize that this sweetheart you’ve been talking to, has a dark secret.

He’s a furry. 

A. Goddamn. Furry.

Legit has a fursona in the form of an Ethiopian wolf (hint: cause its red). But he also likes dabbling into mythology so sometimes he would take the form of a lycan.

You indulge his fantasies for a while, thinking that yeah it’s weird but at least he doesn’t have a foot fetish (but it is worse than a foot fetish) and how no one’s perfect.

You wear animal costumes to sex. At first, it starts out with pretty normal costumes like a playboy bunny. Then it starts to get weird and oddly specific with wolf costumes, roleplay scenarios as animals during mating session...

Once you were finally close to getting into a commitment with him, he starts acting funny.

When you let him know that you’re not super comfortable with your eccentric foreplay, he gets offended and starts sprouting bullshit about you being just like the other girls, which is so disappointing cause he thought you would be different and actually understand his rather…unconventional needs.

Needless to say, you ended up blocking him. You needed to preserve your sanity, after all. 

#k project #k return of kings #homra #yata misaki #homra x reader #mine

[wateenleventje]

The Beginning of Us

I used to write fiction. Nothing really remarkable, yet I enjoy composing fictious character's life and tell how love can change our life. Maybe because I watch too much romantic comedy. When I finally stop writing these type of writing, is I think because it does not give much impact to my personal life, let alone to bigger audience.

I decided to write more based on my real personal experience or share my thought in a blog platform. It feels different, it feels more therapeutic because I can stop bottling up what is on my mind and how I actually feel. It is also nice to have pensieve (Harry Potter vocab alert)!

I sometimes miss the good old days when I soak myself in the story of love. No matter how cheesy the story is, I believe that every person's life worth a once in a lifetime story, especially their journey of finding love. That is why I love watching movie about love story (Earlier episode of The Crown with Elizabeth and Philip's story, Felicity Jones' The Theory of Everything, Sandra Bullock's The Proposal, Hilary Duff's Cinderella Story, Lily Colin's Love, Rosie., Lindsay Lohan's The Parent Trap, Emily Clarke's Me Before You are some of my favorite). I enjoy reading hundred of pages (oh well, thousand? I even guilty for reading the whole Twilight Saga series) of how people's life twisted once love came. I kept quotes of love advice, reading and listening to random podcast, videos and blog post about love story, and I even wrote scientific paper about Long Distance Relationship couple (for my bachelor's thesis).

I have to admit that I even perceive so many things in my life happening in a way of a romantic comedy writer works. As an intro I would summed up that we started off as two strangers meeting in a destined time. We came with our own baggage a.k.a history and current situation on-going, but we just gotta meet that night and get through the labyrinth first. Even the setting could not be anymore "hollywood-like": one night, in a new city, simple hello and cheesy line, and we instantly hit if off. 

One thing lead to another, we did not just related, but we keep in touch regularly after that night. It was a memorable night and I was enchanted by him. However, it was on hold shortly after he casually mentioned about his current relationship and became supportive to my situation that time. I was not in my best state at that time, as I took so many careless choices and not focusing on what really matters in life and in love. I think, it was because I was 23 and living on the edge seems like a celebration of getting “my freedom”. 

Even when we became busy with our own circle, our own love life, and our routine, we maintain our close friendship. We came to each other naturally but carefully refraining ourselves from diving in real feeling. I somehow sense that I messed up a little too much and with him I just found a safe haven. I became so comfortable showing my actual thought and telling him how I felt, even when he frowned after hearing about it. I have to be honest, even though I was in a relationship with someone else by that time, I enjoyed his constant care (like taking the closest chair or walking beside me most of the time), his abudant encouragement (how he called me "genius" just because I told him excitedly that I passed my exam without caring the grades I have), our sweet personal talk (I remembered how he shared his "wedding theme song" to me when we were just friend), his being protective to me (not letting me out on my own during winter night) and making a big deal out of his spontaneous compliment (telling me that I made the best fried rice--just because I decided not to put chili on it, because he dislikes spicy food). I remembered that we spent so many alone time, one on one talk when our group of friends are hanging out, catching up in a short groceries walk.

By the end of our first semester, I noticed that something change between us. We become overtly friendlier but also trapped in our current situation. I was so consumed by a long distance relationship struggle back then and did not realize that he also getting close with someone else. I still think that he paid that degree of attention only to me and we have different level of closeness, so I got myself so comfortable with him. I was indulged in our special routine: taking time, just the two of us, strolling around the city in dawn, having kebab and soda when I need someone to talk to, watching the first snow shower together, and even had our best-honeymoon-trip-scenario, where he acted as if he helped me to create a honeymoon itinerary for the me and my future spouse while we just filled it with our favorite places.

I had my breakdown that year after a short holiday where we spent far away from each other as I just broke up from a relationship that I actually knew would not survive. Still, it hurts and what I wanted that new year eve was just to returned to our Maastricht and met him. I was delighted that he was eager to meet me and my parents as well, to the point he initiated it. We arranged a short trip out of the city and I can't deny how I felt about him once I found him getting along with my father. I watched them just sync effortlessly and how he made conversation with him all day long while me and my mom getting “busy” shopping. Maybe I was not rational at that time, wanting to escape from my heart break, but I swear I hear myself saying "I think, all these things happened so I can realize that Madeza is the one".

I did not pay attention or simply refute from seeing the signs, I let myself build hope that this might be a start of something new, only to find out that he had a new girl friend. I remembered that night very clearly, I remember the place when he told me casually about it. I felt like a fool and I keep wondering whether it was a plot twist in our story. Anyway, is it quite clear how our love story resembles one of that movie up until this point?

The shock and even worse heartbreak this time, I got angry and tried to find another resort. So, I chose to spend time with someone else out of the blue, making it clear that I tried to escape watching someone I am in love with enjoying a good time with someone else. I tried to run away from the fact that I have to witness them together, because we were in the same group and we lived in a small city, and I need to at least be able to "do what he do to me”. I don’t know if I am so angry at him or at the timing.

Nonetheless, I can’t keep my joy whenever we sneaked out for a meet-up. But our conversation became bizarre as we keep so much from each other. It only took us weeks to realize that our so called friendship needs a closure. We approached each other, talking until dawn and crying and laughing at how ridiculous the situation we got ourselves into. We talked about past, about our feeling, about moments we secretly keep and treasure it. I was told that he actually recognized me before we talked for the first time. He spotted me through a social media posting and he read some of my blog posts. 

I think, that moment we were too happy and got ourselves into a bubble, we were too afraid to return to the reality we were in that we did not talk about it. But morning comes and we just have to face the reality we were in. Once or twice we exchanged some difficult conversation, like a passive I-want-you-to-tell-what-is-going-on-between-us and we did not continue in the middle of our conversation because it was too hard just to straightly said how we actually feel. So, we let the distance grow, we did not really exchange news or let ourself start any conversation. It was hard, but I think by that time it was what we need for a while.

I remember the spring was around the corner when we finally reconnected. It started with a random meeting and hang out. It ended up with a text where I confessed that I miss him so badly. Ever since that day, we just know that things are escalating. Although we spend time with our friends, we cannot keep that longing stare off each other. I feel that moment very significant to our relationship because we were so close to hit that point in our romantic relationship, yet we were not so sure where we stood.

One of the most special memory in that period is related with the celebration of my 24th birthday. We did not get to celebrate my birthday together, but we went to the church that morning together. He took me to a birthday brunch and it was a lovely morning. I was not really in a good place back then, I felt a bit disoriented in between what I have not achieved in my life and where I want to walk after this. We talk about future, not as the two of us, yet, but about each of us. We learn about surrender (berserah) our life in God's hands and not give up our situation to the situation at road's end (terserah). I never had that kind of conversation with anyone before, that moment I know how much I want to have those conversations for the rest of my life.

As we only have part of my birthday together, we decided to go for a date to annual spring garden, away from our city. I bought a pinky seed of tulip, we strolled, chatted, and had dinner. He took me to have dinner in a cozy café by the pier called Plek. We stayed there long enough until the crowd dissolved, looking the sky turned black, the lights hanged warmly, and we had the bench by the pier for ourselves. We sit there, looking at pitch black far horizon, just close our eyes in silence side by side. The weather feels cool, but I cant help feeling sad for this moment, as verything is quite blurry even when we can't deny what is hanging the air. He said something though--something that replace the 3 words we have not really dare to say to each other as we just throw the badge of friendship that we used all this time. "If one day I don’t fight for us as much as I do today, please remind me of this place and this moment."

He took my breath away.

For 23 years I was falling and failing miserably, worrying that I wont come up with the love story that as magical as my parents’. I am afraid I won’t ever stop looking until I found my own great love story. Then, I met Madeza that year and I know he is my great love story. It was just the beginning and I already know how it turned out to be, and I love it. I’ve found the one and it is much more wonderful than any love story in the whole world. 

#whatalife

#wateenleventje

[batterymonster2021]

Lawyer Reviews Laws Broken In Classic Love Scenes

New Post has been published on https://hititem.kr/lawyer-reviews-laws-broken-in-classic-love-scenes/

Lawyer Reviews Laws Broken In Classic Love Scenes

My title is Diana Iseman with iseman law company in los angeles California i’m a criminal security lawyer and a former prosecutor at present we’ll be watching clips of various traditional films and watching into whether or not or no longer the characters that we all know and love have been truly committing various forms of sexual assault i would prefer to think you’re no longer in all of this caper skip it i’m not let’s go what would it not take so that you can see matters my way much more than you may have got how have you learnt i don’t wish to be aware of is not it long-established to grant a condemned man his final request you’ve gotten asked for this oh my god so many crimes let’s with the first one we could battery throws her across the room into a pile of hay she tries several times to maneuver her face so that he are not able to kiss her and he does anyway so that’s sexual battery in addition to the battery cost he would be watching at advantage lifetime intercourse wrongdoer registration on the grounds that sexual battery even though it’s a misdemeanor remains to be a registerable offense now we’ll watch a scene from Revenge of the Nerds hello Betty a nerd i am no longer kissing a nerd you need to I paid my money kiss this nerd I desired to it all this kissing’s made me sexy Betty you are like a goat subsequent and modified your intellect take off your masks it used to be distinct he did things we have now on no account completed before you’re that nerd yeah thanks k in order that was once terrible and disturbing to watch considering this young girl was raped the law protects victims from having sex with anybody who’s pretending to be any person else in different words if she proposal she was having intercourse along with her boyfriend and this guy comes in carrying a mask she even asks him she says changed your mind he says sure they are now going to have this consensual intercourse except it is not consensual intercourse it is obviously rape as good as you yes I feel the article that particularly form of irritates me is that immediately afterwards when he exhibits his identity she’s so ok with it it’s completely fine that she was conned into having sex with this whole stranger under false pretenses underneath most instances a sufferer like this could go and file it as a rape they forgot my birthday the next clip we’re gonna watch is from sixteen Candles a traditional John Hughes coming-of-age story I cherished loved loved John Hughes movies they had been the voice of a generation it’s rather stupid he would not really exist he requested me about you didn’t i go for it in the best thing is I made a bet with my acquaintances I bet them that I do with you however this is before I knew as a character i will get proof without without a doubt getting bodily how can i borrow your underpants for 10 minutes I believe it is time to blow this thing off and go to your house you guys i am serious come on dude piece of ass any time i want xiaolin the bed room correct now handed out cold violate her ten distinctive approaches don’t want to that’s disgusting and it is rape if you happen to did definitely go in and do that make a maintain you let me hold these until you are taking Carol at residence but you acquired to be certain she gets residence you cannot depart in some automobile parking space somewhere Jake i am only novices so she’s so Blitz you’re going to know the change who’s he that is me what occurred i’m going to inform you the place you are simply inform me who you are did we yeah i am pretty definite I did I enjoy it did you you know i’ve this bizarre feeling I did i’m rather sorry about getting you blended up with that man oh it can be ok i’m quite sorry about last night the social gathering oh come on make no qualms about it she used to be a rape victim and it was all orchestrated through someone that she depended on her boyfriend more than 60% of sexual assault circumstances go unreported so I do not know what she would do however expectantly she would go to the police and he or she would make a file and that investigation would mostly uncover the truth that this rapist took her in a automobile at the same time he used to be consuming so there is a lot of underage drunk using happening here too she used to be additionally violated by way of many witnesses that’s something that may play out quite unfavorably for the rapist within the court docket in these days so the subsequent one we’re gonna watch his wedding crashers which is a film that I genuinely laughed out loud close to from starting to end once I saw it within the theater is going on little one I started interested by what you stated before and i consider the drawback is i’m not being adventurous enough for you i am pretty definite that is not what i have been saying to you child i am gonna make oh yeah but this isn’t guys may also be victims of sexual assault too and in this circumstance i’m lovely certain that’s precisely what occurred they do not make it clear what happens subsequent it cuts to the following scene pretty quickly but you are alleged to understand that they go on to have some sort of sexual journey in opposition to his will apparently so that may be a crime relying on whether or not or no longer there used to be intercourse but that would investigate what kind of crime it was but at the very least it’s false imprisonment sexual assaults most likely I simply had my titties finished you liked him these look like lovely knockers what him does not give a little bit about my titties well darn him but mrs.Cleary this is pretty unexpected you’ve gotten been enjoying cat and mouse with me ever on account that you got here right here mrs. Cleary i do not come once more okay cat call me k ok kitty cat this feels borderline inappropriate Fiona what I stated think them her mrs. Cleary i am sorry kitty cat are you out your mind i am not letting you out of this room I inform you suppose so I suppose the article that’s rather principal to notice here is that there’s a energy dynamic she is competent of power it is her home he needs to make a excellent affect and she’s put him equipped where if he will get up and walks out he might be insulting her and he would make him feel just like the easier thing to do would simply be to acquiesce and do what she’s asking him to do versus make a enormous scene and leave her hanging it’s probably no longer gonna alternate the legality of it I still do not see a prosecutor filing expenses headquartered on this conduct I could potentially see a civil case popping out of this since it’s some type of harassment however it’s not going that this could bring crook expenditures it can be already difficult to show allegations of sexual assault when there’s a woman sufferer and in circumstances when the victim is a male it makes it even more challenging particularly where the perpetrator is a feminine the next clip is from Twilight forks is developing on me would a man have some thing to do with that yeah tell me the whole lot what’s indie talk to you later come on we gotta speak boys are you being riskless did you get in right here no window do you do this quite a bit oh only a earlier couple of months i like observing you sleep it is um it can be kind of interesting to me um I simply want to check out one thing you keep very nonetheless oh my god don’t transfer in instances that I’ve come throughout the place a guy thinks he’s being romantic but the lady would not recognize that’s what he is doing we call that stalking and there may be nothing romantic about it you can’t simply go into a woman’s condominium and sneak into her room to watch her sleep over the last couple of months no that is illegal just the truth that she used to be present within the house when he trespassed it can be it is an aggravated misdemeanor it’s known as an aggravated trespass except he had the intent to do some form of felonious act inside the house commit a criminal throughout the apartment then it would be a residential burglary and the penalty would be state jail and a strike what’s major to notice in these films is that there aren’t any penalties for the perpetrators moves in fact they do not even particularly see it as something that’s fallacious or illegal this is just a subplot of the movie and that’s altering that’s some thing that i’m hopeful going forward in films filmmakers are extra careful about what kind of messages they’re sending to young girls and young boys about what is suitable behavior the most important factor concerning the me to movement is that it can be bringing forth numerous consequences for movements that previously most often shouldn’t have even been mentioned and quite what we want is for the media in movies to mirror that to now not glorify these actions that unfortunately victimized quite a few females and guys throughout the country

[beowulfs-booty-call]

Wolf, seven, and tinderbox??

Hey! An anon! I haven’t had these in a while...! Welcome! I’ll get right to your ask, friend!

Wolf: Do you have an inner monster?

Mm... Does this pertain to the Incubi thing I got goin’ on? Eh, no worries, I’m only joshing! But, in all seriousness, I suppose I do, ever since I sorta... Worked with some less than stellar people before. It’s like... Well, anyone else, an inner voice in their head. Whispers that says, “It’s what they deserve.” “No one will ever love you if they understood you. That’s why you’re alone.” There are things like that that feeds it, so to speak metaphorically. But, it’s a restrained concept, I’ve gotten better at realizing the past doesn’t hold anything on me here in the present, just as a memory I can use so to learn for a better future. 

In some sense? Most people will say that inner monster is just my inner self esteem, I can’t say they may not be wrong. But, there’s somethings that side of me has said, in comparison to say... The little angel sitting on my shoulder, that isn’t very well nicely said in words. I’ll admit, I’m not proud of the person inside at times who’d rather burn everything and just be alone and never speak at all. But, that’s a part of me I’ve accepted as a piece of me. It doesn’t reflect me, or who I am now, but it’s a part of me I neglected when I really shouldn’t have.

On a separate note, it’s also why I relate to wolves in that context. Not for the monstrous or badass attitude society or media has it on them. But, they’re creatures that understand the inner self, in a sense, as well as connection between themselves and others. A lone wolf has no loyalty, but no trust either. It’s what I looked as my “inner” self as in that sense, as wolves (contrary to the popular idea) are social animals with no “alpha and beta”. I came to really respect that, while it’s not exactly a pleasant persona inside back then, it’s still a beautiful piece of me that I’ve really gotten to know and acknowledge better about myself.  

So, yes, I do. But he’s only a scared and sad person who didn’t trust anyone before because he’s been hurt before. The sort of sad that prevents you from doing what you like, because you just feel consumed with stuff going on. We’re on the right track though, he’s much happier now. I am too, once I took the time to really get to know myself better!

Seven - Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Wrath, Envy, or Pride?

Now this one is a bit... Tough... 

I wanna say Pride... But, it doesn’t work like that. I’m extremely modest, even so, you could ask anyone and you wouldn't see me yelling from the tallest skyscraper that “I’m number one” or the coolest.

I’m not at all Wrathful unless someone really gets me on my nerves, which, is very, very rare... I’m just a bit too mellow for that.

I’m not Sloth either because I overwork myself a lot, so much, I actually had to take breaks or, as my friends tell me, “Relax or the stress is gonna kill you before what’s supposed to, won’t get a chance.”

So... The only ones that really “go” my way are likely Lust and Envy (Gluttony and Greed is really far out of my reach, tbh.)

Lust seems too easy, because, Incubi and sex magic is a helluva thing... But I’m still in my morning glory phase; I got someone I’m sorta “saving myself” for, so to speak. Still, I got a lot of people I care for, so, the only lust I got is just my thirst for fictional characters. I don't lust after people since, I just get crushes (And alternatively, crushed, lol) and I daydream often about romantic stuff. I’m really lighthearted on the romance, and, well... That’s really it. I’m waiting for the right person who’ll treat me right, possibly cuddle and be really physically affectionate, and just be able to lie back with and talk about the little things in life. 

Then that leaves Envy; which I think is likely my deadly sin. I’m not the green with envy person who goes about asking “Well, xyz has a bf / gf / latest video game / a donut! Why can’t I have one!!!???” (Emphasis on I)

Instead, I look at other artists and compare myself to them. It’s a nasty habit, I’ll have to admit, anon. I think to myself, “Well, obviously, they’re great at this. What about me! I can barely get this right!” And sometimes, it gets the better of me and I lay back for a while and don’t attempt drawing for a while, or writing, or even exercising. But, that’s the sin itself. You’re not picking up your talents because you think there’s someone else who can replace you. While they can do the same things you can do, that’s no reason to give up something you do or enjoy because you have to compare yourself to someone else! I learned I gotta keep faith in myself more, but, the most important thing in envy (In my case), ironically, is looking at yourself more! You can’t look at others and be angry for what they’ve got if they worked for it, or, they earned it. All you have to do, is work for it too, and put in the effort! And then, it’ll be like clockwork and the things you used to want is right in your reach! At least, that’s my understanding of my deadly sin!

Tinderbox - What do you cherish most?

Hm... I really had to think on this one... A lot, actually. But, the answer came ridiculously quickly after I saw my dorm room here. Now, anon, I keep this special keepsake box, a fake book sort of box you’d get at Barnes and Nobles (My aunt got it for me for christmas for like, 10 bucks. Ironically, we don’t talk much, and she imbued me with my love for those storage boxes ever since) that you can put things in.

Well, now, over time, I filled with personal items from my closest friends and family. A keychain my high school teacher got me from his trip to England. He had it where it says, “#1 Son” because he basically adopted me as his kid. It was touching... And I couldn’t bear to part with it. We’ll get back to my Dad in a bit, but I also had movie tickets from the first time I visited an amc theater with my friends in college now (Madia’s halloween movie, I know, she’s great.), letters from my friends and relatives with the stamps still attached (I’m HUGE on writing letters, I have to get back into it though...!) and even more knicknacks (Feathers from my friends the crows, sticky notes from classmates...Etc).

I also cherish my old England tourist scarf, my teacher gave me. I call him dad, because, well, he’s been my dad when I had none. Anon, when I was in high school, I was a polite kid, modest, the real goody two shoes so to speak. I did a lot of stuff I’m not proud of though, and my teacher noticed and intervened. He didn’t ask me about my parents when they never showed up for school events. He didn’t ask or bother phoning them when I showed up to class trips with forged signatures so I could stay away from the home life I had. He smiled this sort of knowing smile, nodded, and claimed I was his son. To the faculty, to the school, to anyone he met. My grandfather did the same thing, truth be told, but at the time and right now, he’s been ailing and could not actively take a part in my life as much as he wished (We weren’t related as well, and therefor, he had other duties to attend to.) It made my heart melt. I never felt so much love for a man before him that was older than me, or as kin. When he gave me that scarf, anon, it was just a cheap old thing. Something you’d find in a gift shop, most people said to me. It didn’t matter to me. I wore that with every bit of pride in my gosh darn heart that I couldn’t ever part with it no matter how many people disliked it.

It was tacky, sure. But that was my dad, in that scarf. That was the person who called me his son when my birth father disowned me and wished I was never born. That was the scarf bought by the man who told the entire faculty who called me an orphan behind my back that I was his son. Along with him was my mom, the school secretary, she was the only person I spoke to as a mom, whenever I needed advice, she was who I went to. When I cried about feelings I never expressed, she consoled me and gave me hope for the future. She bought me a statue too, one that was a wolf that I’m sure she bought from Michaels, but, I’ve never lost that statue. It’s all in my box, every tiny piece of the persons I care about... They’re all with me, the people, the memories, every tear, laugh, and love is in that cheap old false box my aunt bought me; Not knowing just how lovely it would later become for me.

That’s what I cherish, anon, and I hope you cherish the little things in life as well from here on. Sometimes, it’s the littlest things that the world leaves behind for you to cherish and treasure from the people who mean the most in your life.

#Wulf answers #Anon #Anonymous

[vestedbeauty]

How NOT to Be a Karen: The Ultimate Guide

New Post has been published on https://vestedbeauty.com/how-not-to-be-a-karen-the-ultimate-guide/

How NOT to Be a Karen: The Ultimate Guide

In the era of “OK, Boomer” and millennial bashing, someone somewhere finally turned social media land’s attention to Karen. Of course, not every Karen is a Karen. Many (probably most) Karens are perfectly lovely people. Likewise, you don’t have to be Karen to “be a Karen.” 

Sigh. This may get complicated.

But before you ask to speak to the manager, today, ladies, we’re going to have a good old-fashioned book burning.

Not the censorship kind.

I’m talking about one particular book that we all have sitting on a secret shelf. Nobody has ever read it. In fact, if you were to read it, your eyebrows would do that thing and you might mutter, “what a bitch” as you turned the pages.

The thing is, it’s a book you wrote, behind your own back. You wrote it in ALL CAPS. Each section ends with, “I have spoken.” Oh, Karen. No wonder you’re consumed by midlife rage.

What’s in YOUR Secret Rule Book?

The Worst Part of the Rule Book

It’s your rule book, and it’s making you crazy. No surprise, it’s no picnic for anyone else either. This book of rules and regs:

Leaves you feeling pissy as you notice the constant stream of infractions.

Prompts you to roll your eyes, scowl, and make other attractive faces – either for real or just on the inside.

Robs you of joy in each present moment.

Strips all the intimacy and fun out of your relationships.

Nudges you to feel victimized by life in general, and specifically, by everyone you love.

C’mon. I can’t be the only owner of such a terrible tome. 

Maybe you’ve already burnt yours. Or maybe you’re not sure you’ve got one – you don’t remember writing it, anyway. 

That’s okay. 

What I’ve found is that even though I remember burning my first edition, it seems I wrote a second in my sleep. Stick with me, if you would, sister. Maybe you’ll discover that you’ve got one to throw onto the bonfire. If not, maybe you can help me cheer “Burn, baby, burn!” as the flames vaporize mine.

My Version of the “Be a Karen” Rule Book

It’s not very well written. But it’s exhaustive – gotta give it that. Oh, and the plot sucks because the ending is so predictable:

Girl is ridiculously rigid. 

Someone comes close and tries to love her.

She does her best to make that impossible by throwing darts at anyone who comes near.

Girl mopes about how people suck.

She isolates and buffers herself, becoming even more rigid in the process.

Oh, and she (Karen… oh no, me!) asks to speak to the manager or writes a strongly-worded email to complain.

And around and around and around we go.

What kind of rules are scribbled in this book? So glad you asked.

Here’s a random selection of rules:

#4: Don’t criticize me. I can criticize you, of course, but if you point out my flaws, it’s going to get ugly fast.

#37: Put dishes in the dishwasher facing the right way (no, I’m not going to tell you which way) and in the proper rack. But only after rinsing them to a predetermined level of precision.

#83: Don’t call me. Unless I secretly wish you would or you’re my child or parent or sibling (or sibling-in-law). Or, if you’re a client placing an order for my writing firm.

#103: Never, ever interrupt me if I’m in the zone. By the way, when I’m in the zone, I look exactly like when I’m not in the zone. Good luck.

#220: Don’t comment on the stuff I do while puttering around the house and yard. This puttering time is like meditation for me. But also, notice, admire, and praise what I did. You may also marvel at my ability to get so much done. That is acceptable.

#554: Don’t look at your phone while we are together. Unless I am also looking at mine. But stop exactly when I stop.

#998: You must love me in the exact way and intensity I want, and in the love language of my preference, all of which is subject to change at any time.

Any of these sound familiar to you?

If You Want to Be Happy for the Rest of Your Life and NOT Be Karen…

As with every improvement you want to make in you how you show up in the world, it all begins with an unflinching look in the mirror. Guaranteed, you’ve got a rule book. 

Don’t believe me? Ask the people closest to you, “What “rules” do I expect people around me to live by so they don’t piss me off?” Then brace yourself. But after the shock wears off, take heart. Here are seven tips that may help you. (Still practicing these perspectives? I’m right there in the thick of it with you!)

Notice when you whip that rule book out. 

What are some warning signs you can learn to recognize that’ll wake you up and make you realize you’re being a shrew? Do you roll your eyes? Sigh? Swear like a sailor? Slam doors? Go silent? We all have our ways. Identify the ways you communicate that, “We are not amused.”

Be honest as you assess whether going into rule book mode actually serves you – or anyone. 

My guess is no. But it’s a determination only you can really make. Look at the results you’ve created. How intimate are your relationships? Do you enjoy being around your people? Do they seem to enjoy being around you? Or, do you sense that they’re walking on eggshells so as not to awaken your ire?

Understand this fact of life: We are all volunteers here. 

At least as adults, every single relationship we have is on a volunteer basis. Even if you feel like you “have to” relate with someone, the real truth is that you are always at choice. Always. Those choices can be hard, of course, and none are without consequence. But nobody HAS to relate with anyone. That means nobody has to put up with you – and you don’t have to suffer through being in a relationship with anyone, either. Granted, we all make commitments – and others commit to us as well. But it’s still a choice to honor those commitments. (We can talk about this more later. It’s kind of a big deal.)

You are the owner of your life and feelings. 

Nobody can “make” you feel anything. It’s always a matter of choice. That’s a tough one for lots of people to get at first because, “OH MY GOD, that person makes me feel so mad I could spit.” It can feel good to foist that blame onto someone else. But the reality is, it’s our thoughts creating our feelings. This isn’t some revolutionary idea; it’s pretty well covered by any decent personal development program, book, or speaker. It’s also really good news because if we own something, we get to decide what to do with it. Own your feelings and the fact you choose to feel them, and you now have the power to go a different direction with them.

Same deal with your life choices. 

You don’t HAVE to do anything. Everything is a choice. Even whether you go to work, wash the laundry, or walk your dog. It’s all about choices. You don’t have to go to work. You could just not go. Sure, you’ll face consequences you might not like – like, getting fired and not being able to pay your bills. But the moment you reframe “having to” to “choosing to” you have more power. One big driving force behind Karens is a bitter resentment at feeling powerless. For most of us, it’s a super-rare instance where we’re in a situation most would call powerless. Even then, we still face a host of choices about how we’ll respond and what’s going on in our own heads and hearts.

It’s never too late to learn how to set boundaries. 

This is oddly new territory for me, at least doing it right. I’m practicing! What I’ve discovered is that if I fail to set boundaries, I’m highly likely to kvetch about the results. It’s tied to people pleasing, and that’s a character flaw I’m working on. I’m digging Brooke Castillo’s podcast lately, and found this early gem you might also like. Make requests, not demands. It’s up to “them” to choose how they respond. Then it’s up to you to choose how to move forward.

Finally, mind your own business. 

Seriously. In the wise words of Shrek, [we] are like onions. The more we peel the layers back, the more we find that stinks. However, the very act of peeling, smelling that stink, and choosing to be less stinky… that’s growth. We have enough to do working on ourselves that it will last a lifetime. (Grow or die!) Let other people do their own work. You can’t fix them, anyway. OK, someone even better than Shrek once mentioned taking care of the plank in our own eye before trying to remove a speck in someone else’s eye.

In the End…

It’s all up to you. You get one life. You got today, in fact. 

If you want to create a life where you feel miserable, pissy, and Karen-like, own that desire. Be the best (er… worst?) Karen that ever Karened. 

But if you want to live a life you love, growing close and healthy relationships that bless everyone involved, there is another choice. Burn the rule book. Decide to be okay with the perpetual nature of personal growth. Mind your own business. Choose who you are and how you’ll show up in the world. You have that power.

#How Not to Be a Karen

[jak3young97]

Opinion Series

#1

Audience (Gamer complaining to Gym rat about why they don’t work out in the gym using aspects learned from the sources I chose)

10 Reasons You Don't Exercise (Article)

Working out is way too time-consuming and not a very important use of my time.  I don’t see why I should spend time working out when I could be at home relaxing and playing Apex.  Every time I do a workout I push myself really hard and end up being sore for weeks.  And not only am I sore for like a week I also don’t really notice any progress which is super disappointing.  Maybe if gym memberships weren’t so expensive I would be more interested in trying to get my game on at the gym but they’re hella pricey.  I can play apex for free and it helps relieve stress, its fun, and increases my reaction time. Exercising might be able to help with those things but usually, I just feel crappy every time I go.  Also, everyone is in a way better shape than me so I feel bad about myself because I compare myself to all the try-hards that have been grinding in the gym for years.  Half of the time I’m trying to wreck the weights I feel like a total noob, and don’t know wtf I’m even doing.  

Why You Hate Exercise (Article)

People have told me of how they get endorphin highs after their workouts but I haven’t been blessed with this feeling and it kinda just sux, I just don’t have the right genes to feel good after I exercise.  I know that as an adult you’re supposed to get at least 2.5 hours of exercise a week but I just don’t see how I can fit in that much time into my week.  And that’s not including the time that it takes to drive too and back from the gym every day.  I live like 15 mins away from the gym and so a round trip could take me 30 mins which is like 2 dub matches in apex, just driving.  I wish there was just a glitch that could make me healthy even without ever having to go to the gym and drinking mountain dew every day. 

“Working out for likes”: An empirical study on social influence in exercise gamification (Article)

I know that some people use social media as a way to help motivate them to go to the gym.  I have a friend that will post something every day he goes to the gym. Personally I think its a little weird but at the same time, I see how it can help to give him a reason to make it to the gym.  When I see people like that posting about their new gains and progress which I think is pretty cool and kind of makes me want me to get back into exercise but at the same time I know that I’m way too big of a noob at the gym to ever be able to grind as you do at the gym.  And because of that, I don’t really it’s even worth starting because I feel like I will never get that kind of results. 

#2

Audience (Gym rat talking to Gamer trying to convince him to exercise)

Can You Have Your Vigorous Exercise and Enjoy It Too?

Bro I get where you’re coming from because we all started at a point where it’s hard and you don’t really feel like you know what you’re doing. It sounds to me like the sessions that you’ve experienced have been some HIT workouts.  High-intensity training can be really good sometimes but a mistake that a lot of people make is they start off their workouts with HIT.  But if you want some true gains you got to start slow.  The reason you might feel like you have bad form is that you haven’t developed the right coordination in the muscles that you are training.  Exercise is a lot like gaming in away.  You can’t just hop on a new game and go straight to the hardest difficulty expecting to be able to succeed.  You got to get comfortable with the game first.  That’s how exercise is too.  You got to get comfortable.  Your muscles have to get used to the lower weight before you can start throwing hella plates on.

The invisible benefits of exercise

Gains are cool but that’s only one of the perks of hitting the gym.  There are tons of benefits that you will feel but you might not acknowledge them.  For example, exercise can actually help with depression.  It might make your body feel crappy if you overdo it but the mental side effects are going to make you feel much better.  You’re underestimating how much you will actually enjoy exercise.  The problem is that people have labeled exercise as something that is hard and painful so they often experience it to be that way.  But if you do it right and think of it in a positive way then you will enjoy it.  A proper warm-up is something that a lot of people miss.  It can help make your workout a lot better for a number of reasons. For one it gets your muscles used to the weight and can actually increase your max compared to a day you try maxing without a warm-up.  Another thing is that it can actually prevent injuries and even soreness.  I think if you warmed up properly and did lower intensity training for your first few weeks starting off it would be a lot less painful and easier to be able to keep working out. 

Acute psychological benefits of exercise: Reconsideration of the placebo effect.

More on the psychological effects that exercise has.  Did you know that people actually have hundreds of dollars by switching to exercise as a way to treat mental illnesses?  The two most common mental illnesses that people in the united states deal with today are depression and anxiety.  People spend hundreds and even thousands of dollars on different pharmaceuticals to help treat these illnesses.  There has been a lot of research that shows that exercise can reduce the amount of treatment needed and even in some cases replace it altogether.   And even if you may not struggle with depression or anxiety you probably have had to deal with stress before.  And throwing around barbells and hoppin on the gain train can help a shit ton with stress.  I personally was hella stressed with all the midterms I had. Going to the gym helped me forget about all my stress and was able to feel really good, and when I came back to my homework I was able to focus a lot better.  So bro, get your butt in the gym because there is so many good reasons to be there. 

#3

Audience (A redneck from the country (that isn’t very illiterate) talking to his neighbor about some exercise science that he just learned )

The Importance of Establishing an exercise routine and sticking to it

Howdy partner, I wanna tell ya sum formation that’s gonna change yuur damn life.  It’s bout exercise.  Yall know how important it is to do your chores every mornin.  The same thing goes with exercising.  Ya gotta get a routine goin.  Dah numba one reason that people end up callin it quits when they trying to get intah exercise is cause they aint get a routine goin.   Cause once ya miss one workout it makes it easier to jus keep on missin.   And if yur as busy as me then you know that its somtimes hard to get a good exercise in, but usally you can still get in some exercise in even if it a small amount of exercise.  Fur examples, maybe ya gotta go to dah store and grab some pellets fur yur smoker.  Ya can park far away from dah market so that it will take more walkin to get to yur destination.  Than once ya get their dont grab a cart. Carts are fur Bitc***es!  Jus grab dem 25 pound bags an do some shrugs wit dem on your way back to dah truck. And boom! Ya jus got in a leg an shoulder workout and ya didnt even have tah take that much time out of ya day.

It's possible to exercise too much

Ah nuhder thing I jus learned about, is called ovah, trainin.  Dis came to a surprise tah me cause I didn’t think such a thing was possible.  But sure as sh** it is.  Turns out dat some of dah time your body aint ready for them high tensity and long workouts.  Fah-teeeging urself can even lead to ya testosterone levels lowerin, which is definetly not good, espeacially if ya got a woman that is crazy as mine when it comes to certain areas that require alot of dat testosterone stuff.  Even yur damn brain can be effected if your ovah train.   So even doh exercise is important an ya wanna push ur self, it is portant tah not ova do it.   

Exercise: It's what we evolved to do

Now sum people think dat exercise is not dat mmm’portant.  But times have changed and it’s purrty much impossible to stay healthy deese days cause of these changes.  Changes like the foods we eat and the activities that we participate in.  Food has changed alot over dah years and almost everthing we eat is loaded with sugar and other crap that isn’t healthy.  And dah activities that we participate in are usaully pretty lazy.  People spend bunches of hours on videeo games an tv shows.  And not only that but people don’t have very active jobs dese days.  And because these changes, people need tah be able to exercise to make up for all crap we are eatin and the lack of physical activity. 

[yeslabyrinth]

FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT AT FAKING IT

I want to address a problem I see from improvisers, and I am not talking about new improvisers, but people who have been doing it for a year or more. I don’t know if this is strictly a Midwest thing, and having to do with Midwest hospitality, and humility, but no matter what the cause, it is hurting a lot of solid improvisers I know.

This problem is a lack of confidence on stage.

We recently held some auditions for our company, and there were SOOO many talented improvisers from around the city who auditioned, but one of the main notes that automatically put people in the “no” column was something along the lines of, “they gave that deer in headlights kind of look some of the time.” This is a totally understandable thing for newer improvisers to do, because good lord we know how many notes, and “rules”, and schools of thought you have been fed, but a skill that truly separates the good from the great is confidence. Having a faith in yourself, and your abilities, and if you don’t have it, the audience knows it the second you step on stage. They can tell you’re unsure of what you’re doing, which makes them automatically taken out of what you’re doing to some degree. You will never be able to feel real in the scenes you do, because your acting will come across an improviser on a stage acting, and not a real person in this moment, who happens to be played by an improviser. There is a big difference there.

Now, let me specifically address my nice, sweet, Midwestern brethren. I love your sweetness. I love how you have humility in learning this difficult craft. I love how thoughtful you are of your fellow improvisers. Don’t ever lose that part of you. BUT, there is a time to set aside your humility in order to show competence, and confidence. Any time you are on stage, you need to read to the audience that you deserve to be on that stage, and you have complete faith that whatever comes your way, you can handle it. Some of you have the ability to turn this switch naturally, but for others of you, it’s too outside of your nature. So, let me give you some examples of when your kindness, and humility is hurting you as an improviser, and how to gain it for when you need it. WHEN KINDNESS IS WEAKNESS

-I often hear students say, “I don’t want to steam roll”, which is of course a great thing, but too often they err on the side of choosing to do absolutely nothing, instead of choosing to do something and possibly risk steam rolling. If you are in a scene, and it feels stagnant, and nothing is happening, SOMETHING needs to happen, and I’d rather you choose to have  a strong emotion, or make a fun choice, than to just sit there having a polite conversation that is going nowhere. -To go along with this, people on the outside of scenes going like this, DON’T LEAVE THEM HANGING! I know, I know. You don’t want to go out and interrupt their scene, but if it is going nowhere, and has been for a minute, choose to get in there, and join the scene. If you saw some funny idea earlier that the breezed past, bring it back, or just get out there to change the stage picture, and inject some energy. Choosing to do nothing is USUALLY worse than choosing to do something that may potentially be interpreted as steam rolly, or big. -“YES, AND” ENDS WHEN WE FIND A GAME! “Yes, and” is a tool to get to a funny idea. Once we find one, you just play it real from there, which includes saying no to things. If your scene partner makes a statement like, “I just find that cheating gets me ahead quicker in life, so I do it.”, you need to call out that this is a weird thing. (Yes. You can choose to peas in a pod it, but then everyone else in the scene needs to be a straight man to you two weirdos, or we get to a place where everyone is unusual and therefore nothing is unusual, and you can’t have humor without something being unusual!) So, long diatribe short, SAY NO TO WEIRD THINGS! Don’t just blindly go along with a weird, because then that’s weird, and it overtakes the previous weirdness. To continue with the previous example, imagine you tell me you cheat to get ahead, and I say, “you gotta do what you gotta do”, I now have the weirder game. I am now the most unusual person in the scene. I go along blindly with cheaters, and criminals. You need to recognize that, and your blind “yes and'ing” has made your scene more difficult, and muddier than it ought to be, even though you did it coming from a good place.

-Play whatever gift you’ve been given. Sometimes in scenes you are painted as an ugly, or mean, or ignorant person, and you, being the good person you are, feel uncomfortable in that role. Well, you need to get over that. You are just playing a character, and you have been painted as an asshole, so you have to be that asshole now. As a mellow guy myself, I have discovered that I absolutely LOVE being a jerk from time to time in scenes. I hardly ever feel like a jerk in real life, or that I need to be, so when I get the chance to be such a thing, I revel in it. I will be the biggest asshole on earth! When you are gifted with being a jerk in a scene, and you don’t play one or debate whether or not you actually are one, you are being a jerk in real life. HOW TO BE CONFIDENT ON STAGE Now, here are some tips I have to help with confidence. It is by no means an all encompassing list, but these are my go to  Step 1. PUT IN THE WORK. Confidence comes with repetition. Some people have more of it, but with enough practice, it will come. I always compare it to learning piano. If you only practice the 1-2 hours a week when the instructor is around, than you are only going to get so good, but if you put in the practice, your confidence and skill will grow exponentially. Consume all kinds of media about improv you can. Blogs, YouTube videos, books, etc. And practice as often, with as many people as possible.   Step 2. JUDGE YOURSELF JUDGING YOURSELF. 95% of improvisers I know have some kind of neurosis, or anxiety. These stem from a million things, but they also can drive you to be great at a thing. Neurotic people are very self reflective, and they evaluate themselves often, and try to get better. It can be healthy in improv TO A POINT, but you need to turn off that judgy part of your brain as soon as you step on stage. You have to be present, in this moment, and listening to what is going on on the stage, and not be in your head evaluating, “is this good?”. You’ve already lost the scene the second you do this. There just is no way to judge, and actively listen at the same time. So, take the pressure of judging yourself off during your performance, because it is a self fulfilling prophecy of failure to worry about an improv scene if you are in it. Just listen, and react. Listen, and react. Do it so quickly that you don’t have time to judge your choices, and you’ll be surprised by the truth and honesty that comes out, and how it leads to more funny things than you could ever predict. Step 3. FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT. This advice always seems cheap, but really, how different is it then doing improv? You’re already an improviser who plays characters, and is making up things on the spot, why not just add the layer of playing it confidently while you’re doing it? All these scenes are fake. That glass you’re holding is fake. That sadness when you hear your improv wife is leaving is fake, so why not fake being fearless? Why not fake being competent? Like I said earlier, the audience can read the difference between if the character in a scene is scared, or the actor in the scene is scared. They can tell the difference between a character taking a second to digest a big reveal in a scene between an improviser taking a second to think of what is a funny line I can say, or what is a way I can now move this scene forward.   Step 4. ACKNOWLEDGE WHEN YOU ARE DOING WELL One of my favorite lyrics of all time is from a Replacements song. It goes, “the ones who love us least, are the ones we’ll die to please. If it’s any conciliation, I can’t begin to understand.” It strikes on something so pure for any artist in any genre. We can have 99 compliments, but the 1 criticism is what we remember. It sticks with us. It is the one we find to be true, because we can’t accept that we may actually be good at something. BUT YOU ARE! Please just take some time to notice when your scenes go well. Take time to give yourself a pat on the back(internally), when you make a funny choice, or do some great support. You’ll start to notice that these moments happen way more frequently than the bad ones, it’s just you haven’t acknowledged that they happen.

Step 5. Read Jill Bernard’s “Cute Little Book of Improv”. I don’t think there is a better, quicker read out there to make you just want to play, and have fun. If you’re having fun, you don’t have time to lack confidence. You can purchase that here http://jillbernard.blogspot.com/ 

That’s all for now, but as always, ask me questions! Or bring up points you don’t agree with. I love talking shop.

#improv #longform #kansascity #jillbernard #comedy #ucb #kcic

[porcelain-disaster]

Anxiety, its a real creeper.

You see the first thing people assume of you is that you’re this weird shaky person. That everything bugs you and that you’re gonna freak out over every little thing, and maybe some people are like that. Not me. The first time i felt like i couldn’t breath, i was at work. I was a supervisor at an extremely busy store and it was a time where i had so much on my plate. From school, to a new relationship, to a new position, i guess, i couldn’t handle it. I didn’t know that then, but everything always looks so clear in hindsight. In hindsight, having more than 35 hours a week, balancing school and a relationship, adding that to making time for yourself and your needs and your friends and your family, you either crack or something consumes you completely. This was part 1. Anxiety. You see, i’m a person of many thoughts, good ones and bad ones, and for the most part during this year, they became more bad than good ones. They weren’t always bad, they started off as irrational and then got incredibly irrational. Some of them were thoughts like “oh no he’s mad at me no no this isn’t going to end well” or “oh no i messed up what do i do now” “no its really busy and i don’t know what to do and i’m tired and hungry” “dang it my friend is mad at me for something stupid” and the worst one, “I’ll never be good enough to find somebody else, so i just gotta settle for this”

They may just be thoughts, but they affect you. And thats just some of it. Not to mention school stuff added to my stress and made me extra irrational and anxious. Whenever i was at work handling things, as long as i was in school, i was usually fine. But i was fine if everything in my life was fine. That meant nothing wrong with any of my relationships. I learned too late how important relationships are to me, whether they be familiar, friendly or romantic. They matter to me, i didn’t like letting people down and i still don’t. I didn’t like being in a fight with anybody. My anxiety stemmed from a fear of failure and abandonment. The abandonment wasn’t so much, but the failure? Was huge. I set high goals and looked way into the future and it fucked me up. It fucked me up to rely on someone i didn’t really know. To set goals of finishing school without thinking of life getting in my way. I was a fool to let people stop me from dreaming, and i was a fool for letting the voice inside my head stop me. Because sure, i had a few people telling me to think twice, but at the end of the day i had no one to blame but myself. You see even if you don’t see it, everytime you tell yourself you can’t do something, you’ve already set yourself up for failure. That small can’t affects you completely. And at the time, i had set up so many cant’s. I didn’t know it then, but had i not, maybe my life would’ve been different today. I don’t regret having anxiety and depression, i feel like having so, really gave me a different perspective and a new gratitude for life and everything in it. Thats just the basics. 

So a few months go by where i get these feelings of impending doom and like i’m gonna fail at something or like everything is gonna go wrong. And then the day i had my breaking point, it came on a regular day, but my regular days started becoming iffy more and more. And yes, by that i mean, i had more and more problems in my relationship. Problems i didn’t want to face, and problems i thought i could handle all on my own. It all came down upon me and i just realized that day how i was in consistent worry of absolutely everything. From the smallest detail, to the biggest. And i had to come clean to my mom, she noticed i was sleeping more, eating less. Or vice versa and i would never be home. If i was at home, i would be locked up in my room all day, isolating myself, but like i said, i was mostly never home. There was a point where i just looked to be somewhere by myself, it brought me so much peace and to this day it still does. Take yourselves on small dates, explore alone, shop alone, even if you’re afraid that someone is gonna look at you weird, i promise you, nobody will see you that day. So then, the months went on and this relationship i was in, continued to have ups and downs and i always told myself, well thats alright, nobody is perfect. But i was wrong. You shouldn’t have to feel insecure with your partner, you shouldn’t have to worry about them getting mad because you didn’t get home at the time you said. And also, you should not do the same thing to your partner. This flows both ways. Anyways, so how does anxiety relate to that? Well, first, overthinking. Second, irrational thoughts. And third, not being able to shut them off. And as much as i tried, i could not. It was SO hard. And one of the reasons i couldn’t was because i wasn’t loving myself. Everyday, it was one negative thought or another, and then the smallest things get to you. Its something i would not wish on anyone. Thats why i started these blog posts. Because i don’t want anyone to feel the way i did, and i know thats a long shot, but if i can help at least ONE person, it makes my day and makes the fact that i learned through all of it, honored. I had to be able to talk about everything to truly honor everything i learned. 

Other hard part of anxiety, is that its not always reacting by shaking, or by needing to be by yourself, its also headaches, and short breaths, and feeling like your heart is heavy, or a little tummy ache sometimes. And then sometimes it would be crying, or getting super pissy or not being able to just let things slide off (things that dont matter aka work related stuff, BS social media things, small things people may have said to you etc..) 

So i feel like I am going on and on and on, so i am going to end this by saying, How have i been able to live with this little blurb of emotion? You will find out soon. And you too, may be able to come up with your own ways of healing. Oh wait, i forgot, this is half of what i went through, i didn’t even get to the depression part. Because from anxiety, stems depression, and i had both for the majority of 2016. That will be my next post. Depression. How it came to be, how it related to my anxiety, my overall story.