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cellard0ors · 3 years

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Fic: Movement (1/?)

This is dedicated to @peachworthy - my plan is to work on this when I can. I was going to try and write a full long thing (all puns intended) but thought it might be fun to just do sporadic bits instead!

“As you can see, it’s a pretty nice place…” Mr. Super Tall and Super Handsome and Super-Out-of-Link’s-League tells him as he walks him around the place. Link’s only been half listening because he’s been trailing behind this uniquely sexy giraffe of a man for about half an hour now and it’s been hard to not just…eat him up with his eyes.

Link’s lived in LA for about two years now and while he’s seen some attractive people, they all pale in comparison to…

…oh gosh, he’s forgotten his name again! Not a good thing to do when being toured by your potential roommate to be. Although Link’s pretty sure his current tour guide is just being nice.

No way he’s seriously considering letting Link move in. First of all, Link is a late in life college student trying to get a film degree. Second, this guy could have anyone live with him.

Anyone.

The fact he even needs a roommate is staggering. After all, this place is already furnished. It’s clear he’s lived here for a while now – so the need for someone else-? Link doesn’t get it.

But he sure as heck can’t stay on campus anymore. It’s embarrassing. Most of the other students there think he’s a professor as it is; and bunking with kids half his age has been a nightmare.

Not because he can’t identify with them per say, but because he just-? He wants to interact with people on the same wavelength as him.

And no way is this Greek God and he on the same wavelength. No doubt the guy’s an actor. Almost everyone in LA is. And, no doubt, the guy has probably had some gigs. Several, if the house is anything to go by…

Maybe he lost a role recently? Maybe that’s why he needs the extra income? It’s the only thing Link can think of and he’s stupid enough to voice that, “It is a nice place, man, but I don’t see how I’ll be much help. What you’ve got here looks pretty well lived in. Take it you’ve been here solo for some time and I’m not sure how-?”

“I have,” Handsome admits and oh, that southern drawl. It makes Link think of home. How perfect can one man be? “And, frankly, I don’t need a roommate, but I’d like a roommate.”

“For parts? Like the Black Market?” Link can’t help but joke, and the guy throws his head back and laughs and oh, no…

…Yeah, Link can’t live with this man. It hasn’t even been a full day and Link is practically already in love with him. And thinking of the ‘him’ he forces himself to sheepishly ask, “Um, I, ah, forgot your name again...”

“It’s Rhett.”

Of course it is.

Rhett is such a romantic name.

Rhett Butler immediately springs to mind and Link sighs, “Look, Rhett – like I said, it is a nice place, but-!”

“I tell you what I’d expect in rent?” he asks and when he lists the price, Link decides that – besides being insanely attractive – that the guy is just insane in general.

The rent is cheap. Far, far cheaper than Link expected and it must show on his face, because Rhett shrugs, “Look, Link – I can’t say what it is, but I gotta feeling about you. I’ve met with a couple of potential roommates and, honestly, none of them have gone this far. I haven’t let ‘em. But there’s something about you…”

“My natural charm?” Link asks, but he’s sort of giggly and weird when he does and oh, gosh – why is he so awkward? Isn’t he too old for this? Don’t you reach a certain age and awkwardness just…drops off?

But apparently not and, apparently, Rhett isn’t turned off by it, because he gives him a warm grin, “Might be.”

“Rhett…”

“Might be the accent to be honest,” he confesses, seeming almost shy and that should be illegal, because it just highlights how cute he is, “I’m from North Carolina and it just-!”

“Hey!” Link perks up, “Me too!”

“Really?” Rhett gushes and Link nods, “Yeah, Buies Creek.”

“Oh! My family and I almost moved there! Ended up in Charlotte instead!”

“Wow! Crazy! What are the odds!” And Link hates every cliched thing coming out of his mouth right now, but he can’t seem to stop and Rhett just looks so damned pleased.

As if his feeling about Link is right on the money and Link wishes it was, but this can’t possibly work. Can it? And just as Link is about to voice that, Rhett suddenly looks…apprehensive. Fidgety.

And Link’s caught a bit off guard by it, because – up until now – he’s been so cool. Cool and collected. But now Rhett runs a hand through his thick mane of hair and sighs as if a great weight is upon him, “Ah…actually, I, ah, well – I forgot…”

Here it is. Link’s been waiting for this. The big secret. The big reason someone as amazing as Rhett would need someone like him. Maybe it is the Black Market thing. Link has some nice organs. Real juicy. Maybe revealing his background has made the big guy feel bad – like he can’t carve up a fellow North Caroliner.

Rhett rocks on his heels, “I told you, none of the other potential roommates made it this far and…there’s a reason for that. Even the one or two I kinda considered…well, I, um, I told them what I do for a living and that’s when things sort of fell apart…”

…oh shit. He IS a Black Market organ dealer!

Link’s Adam’s apple bobs as he looks around skittishly. The house is big and they’re alone in it. He’s been so distracted by how hot Rhett is that he hasn't even thought about that fact.

Until now.

What if the other potentials didn’t get this far because they got cut up beforehand? Maybe the whole roommate thing is a farce! Maybe it’s a con! A con to draw people in and-!

“I work in the entertainment industry.”

Link blinks. Blinks and feels like the dumbest man on planet earth as he says, “Well, yeah. You and half of LA. Heck, I’m here trying to get into film myself! Do some directing or sound editing or-!”

“No,” Rhett says firmly, smoothly, meeting Link’s eyes head on as he says in a full deep register, “When I say I work in the industry, I mean it. I’ve, um, had a pretty healthy and…and long career…”

“Really?” Link asks, eyes wide behind his glasses, “Have I seen anything you’ve-?”

“Doubt it,” Rhett interrupts with a humorless huff, “You don’t seem the type. But then,” he eyes him thoughtfully, “I’ve been surprised before…”

Link doesn’t know why he’s being so cagey about this, “What’ve you-?”

“My resume is…” Rhett finally looks away, as if he can’t bear to look at Link when he says it, “…of the adult variety.”

“The adult-?” Link starts to repeat and then it clicks. It clicks and it hits him so hard over the head it’s like a physical blow. The house, the handsomeness – the…everything.

Rhett looks back at him, jaw firmly set as he speaks, “Look, it’s not that I’m ashamed of what I do. Far from it. It’s just a job and it’s one I happen to be good at. But it’s also one that people in polite society aren’t too keen on and considering you’re from my home state you might-!”

“Porn?” Link croaks out and he feels a little like he might faint, “You’re a porn star?”

Rhett just kind of shrugs and the reason Link feels lightheaded has nothing to do with his shock at the man’s career and everything to do with the fact that Link has only seen a few porn films and none of them have ever stared someone so breathtakingly beautiful. The idea that Rhett has been in something like that…

Heat suffuses through Link’s system with equal mixes of lust and shame. Lust because, well, look at Rhett and shame because Link doesn’t want to just view the man as a sex object, Granted, that’s kind of his job, but it just seems…rude.

While Link doesn’t know Rhett well, he knows him well enough at this point to say he’s just a regular guy. An extremely gorgeous regular guy, but a regular guy all the same.

Thinking of him in simple black and white just doesn’t do him justice. So he’s a porn star. So what? He’s nice and this place is amazing and the rent suggested is fantastic and-!

“Take it by your silence you’re gonna decline…”

“No!” Link cuts in quickly and Rhett’s eyes shoot to him, wide and amazed, and Link feels a little sense of superiority at that. At catching this giant off guard, “No, uh – your…your profession isn’t a problem.”

“It’s not?”

“Well, I mean,” Link looks around once more, "You don’t-? You don’t film here, do you?”

The laugh that booms out of Rhett at that makes Link’s toes curl with pleasure, “Nah, man. This place is sacred. Like to keep my personal and professional life separate.”

“And…” Link scratches at the back of his head, “And you won’t, like…bring over a-a partner or partners and-!”

“Don’t have one,” Rhett admits and then the sexiest crinkles form around his eyes, “Although I gotta say, that’s about the slickest way anyone’s ever asked me if I was single…”

The heat from before returns full blast, no doubt coloring Link’s cheeks pure red and it comes completely from shyness, an emotion he is much more familiar with than most, “Oh, no! I-I wasn’t-!”

“Think you were asking if I do some weird sex shit here in the house of the personal variety and, again, no. You work in my field you kinda lose a bit of a taste for it.”

“For sex?”

Rhett nods, “And for a lot of things. It’s like I said – I'd like a roommate. Mainly ‘cause I’ve been feeling a little…disconnected of late. Feel like I need someone in my life who isn’t in the business. Someone I can just, y’know…” his shoulders roll and he bobs about a bit, clearly bashful, “…jam with.”

“Someone on your wavelength…” Link whispers and suddenly, Rhett’s idea that Link might be someone worth keeping around feels totally legitimate. Because Link is suddenly reciprocating it and then some. Because Link's starting to have a feeling about him too.

A feeling that this could work.

It really could.

And, this in mind, Link asks, “When can I move in?”

#rhink #randl #my writing #now one of my earlier question posts becomes clear does it not?#the title is from a hozier song #because that song sounds sexy and i couldn't think of anything else!

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haliyam · 3 years

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interim (v)

zeke x reader/oc

summary: You return to Liberio not long after the Warriors arrive home from their failed mission in Paradis and discover that things have changed. (Or they will, and maybe a little more with Zeke than you expect.) [Season 4 and manga spoilers ahead]

AO3 link | Ch 1 | Ch 4

Hi again! Forgive me for this chapter and the next few ones, guys. I offer you this art I commissioned and an itty bitty happy-for-a-millisecond Zeke/Reader oneshot in the meantime 😪 (Please notice this I am so happy with it)

As usual, Reader default name Lucy is a cis-female Eldian character with a set background and family name. But feel free to set the substitution for Lucy to your chosen First Name using the InteractiveFics browser extension!

Chapter 5

“Why are you helping me?”

You grit your teeth, peering over at Zeke as he lets go of your foot. He was helping you stretch, seeing as you’re too fatigued to do it yourself, not to mention you’re covered in a heated blanket and he’s put hot towels over and under your limbs.

He ignores you, like he’s been ignoring you since he entered your room with all of these items, asking instead whether you wanted help or not. Like he’s been ignoring you since you arrived as a guest at the Yeagers’.

You don’t really like Zeke, and you’re sure he doesn’t like you either. You’re six, after all, with all the confidence the world can offer a child in your position, and he’s twelve, with all the arrogance of a boy already training to become the Beast Titan when the war in the South is over.

That’s why his help is so strange. And without Mrs. Yeager forcing him into it, too? It’s suspect, and you’re not even sure you know that word yet.

“Why—”

“Shh,” Zeke hisses, looking very displeased about having to respond in any way while you glare at him. When your brows unfurrow and you continue to stare at him expectantly, he rolls his eyes. Still, he finally speaks again. “Why are you like this, anyway? Aren’t you Magath’s new star would-be candidate?”

You were, until the ideology tests began. You don’t know they’re called that, but you’ve been doing terribly at the written exams which ask why Eldians are the dirt between the toes of real humans. Your answers show a well-read knowledge of Marley-sanctioned history, but distinctly lack the Eldian shame that comes naturally to your classmates.

This is concerning to the program and to command in spite of your potential, so it’s up to your instructors to beat that shame into you by keeping you running for far longer than the others, leaving you out of meals, or shortening your breaks and then making you stay behind so you can do everyone else’s grunt work, especially after you dared to look Captain Magath in the eye the first time your class fell in to formation after the first round of exams. And every other time since, like an idiot.

“Not anymore,” you answer, struggling to keep his gaze. You don’t really want to talk about this with someone who now must only wait to inherit his Titan. It makes you feel small, and nobody in Marley should have that authority.

Zeke wrinkles his nose. “That’s not an answer. It just seemed like you were doing great… and now you’re a baby that has to be coddled?”

Your glare returns, shame be damned, but the pain that suddenly pulses through your body as surely as your indignation quickly drains it. Your pride and your strength are depleted for the day, and you need to save what remains for tomorrow, when you have to face the instructors again. And besides—Zeke has already seen how weak you are. What’s the point? Tybur pride will do nothing for you now.

You lower your gaze for once. “Are you going to tell the captain?”

Zeke stares at you. “No? Why does Magath hate you now, anyway?”

You know why. Because you’re still a Tybur, and you refuse to be nothing. Even if nobody knows it. Even if you feel like nothing right now.

Zeke sighs again—a concession of his own, though that is unknown to you. “Fine. Just... my grandparents will get worried if they hear you crying because you can’t sleep.”

“I wasn’t crying,” you lie. Your body hurts so much that you haven’t been able to stay asleep for very long. You just didn’t think he could hear you crying.

“Sure,” he scoffs. He’s lied, too. It’s difficult to hear much noise inside your rooms from the hall—but you did pass him on the way to the bathroom with those puffy eyes just a little while ago. “Just make sure they don’t see you as pathetic as you look now—they already have enough to worry about. If you have to be pathetic… only do it in front of me. Understand?”

You still want to glare at him, but somehow, his words are almost as much comfort to you as the towels he’s heated for you. You don’t know the last time you let your guard down since the Warrior program began for your class, and you’re so tired. His words, however cold, warm you in your newfound frailty.

“Okay,” you murmur in defeat, relaxing in earnest. Your eyes are slowly starting to close.

“Hey!” he snaps within a whisper, quickly reaching for your shoulder and shaking it. You’re too sleepy to notice his reluctant concern. “Don’t fall asleep wrapped up in all this. It’s just a few more minutes, and then you have to go to the bathroom and put this ointment on your muscles like I told you. Remember?”

You do your best to widen your eyes and shake your head awake. The effort ends with you groaning in pain, but you eventually manage a nod. “I’ll stay awake,” you promise. When he sighs again and pulls the seat out from next to your desk to sit at your bedside, you murmur something else.

He frowns at you. “What was that?”

“I’ll stay awake,” you repeat, “but will you tell me a story?”

Are you surprised that Willy is coming to visit? Yes and no. Over the years, Willy has perfected the art of making his presence in your life known while somehow remaining completely absent. The nature of the new Lord Tybur’s existence in your world became immutable the summer after that fateful one, after you came crying to him and to Lara when you could no longer bear the loneliness of ignoring your friends’ letters for an entire year. Willy’s response, as with everything regarding Mila, was to turn away and change the subject. It was Lara who couldn’t resist your tears and confessed it all to you—what father told Willy hours before he became Lord Tybur, and then all she learned when she devoured him.

The new Lord Tybur was furious. It was only the second time in your life you had ever heard your brother so angry—but he never stays that way with you or with Lara for very long, and wouldn’t you have discovered the truth after thirteen years anyway? In true Willy fashion, he only smiled days later and expected you never to mention it again. The fact that you have, many times hence, is part of why your relationship is so frayed. That and his tendency to appear, shower you with affection, and then shrink at the first sign of trouble. After all, how can anyone expect you to love a man who can’t bring himself to stand up for you?

Your resignation to this is mostly what keeps you from worrying too much the next morning, when Zeke leaves for HQ and you elect to join the Yeagers for market day. Part of it is guilt—apparently you and Zeke now consume much more than you did as candidates, and you want to make sure that you’re paying your share—and part of it is that you still feel ashamed for letting Zeke see you act the way you did last night. You still have to take care not to groan outwardly when you remember how you shrugged him off when he tried to be a friend, or how much you practically wailed into his chest. Never mind how you hid behind him from Mila when he let you, like the coward you are.

“You’re so pathetic, Lucy,” you mutter to yourself.

Standing not far from you by a vegetable vendor, Dr. Yeager glances over his shoulder. “Hmm? What’s that, Lucy?”

“Er—nothing, Dr. Yeager. I was just thinking to myself,” you smile sheepishly. Drawing closer to avoid getting jostled by the crowd, you search over his selection. “Oh! That’s… a lot of potatoes. You don’t need to avoid other items on my account. I’m happy to pay for my share.”

Dr. Yeager chuckles. “No, no. You know how much Zeke likes them. And don’t worry, Lucy, I can carry them.”

“No,” you say slowly, exchanging a look with the vendor when Dr. Yeager gives his smaller basket a faithful pat. You reach for it instead, tugging a little when he stubbornly refuses. “I’m taking these. You can carry some of the fish, but I’ll be taking most of the baskets. Hand them over and I’ll bring these to Mrs. Yeager.”

Dr. Yeager sighs. “Very well, Lucy. But only because I know how much you like carp from our friend down the road.”

You grin, and he lets you take his basket so you can fill your much larger one with (apparently) Zeke’s potatoes. As you part ways so he can go and buy you fish, you set out to find Mrs. Yeager. She should be waiting outside a little cafe not far from the market—Dr. Yeager likes doing most of the groceries nowadays, and Mrs. Yeager’s one very important task is to buy the household’s favorite seasonal dessert: grapes. Unfortunately, the best grapes in the zone market are sold by an old man who has a bit of a crush on her, and he doesn’t like seeing Dr. Yeager if he can help it. Or Zeke. Or you.

That should be her only task, which is why you’re surprised when you find her with a man and a basket full of cured meats when you arrive.

The truth is you almost miss her, if not for the sweet sound of her amused chuckle right as you decide to head inside to find her. Walking around the man blocking her from view, you approach. “Mrs. Yeager?”

“Lucy!” she waves.

Her raised brows tell you she wants you to meet someone; evidently, the man carrying most of her baskets along his arms, wearing an apron over a button-down and slacks with his sleeves rolled up. You turn toward each other at your name, and after a blink or two between the two of you, you realize that the man’s shock is more familiar than you first realized—probably because it’s your second time bumping into each other this weekend.

“Lucy?” he gawps at you.

You give him the same look. “Kellan? What are you…?”

He follows your gaze to Mrs. Yeager, and the way it dawns on his face is enough for you to trust that this is another funny coincidence. “Oh—” He gestures to her, “I was just helping, er…”

“Mrs. Yeager,” you help him.

“Right, Mrs... You’re Mrs. Yeager?” he asks, glancing at her. It’s clear he’s seen her unmistakable red armband, but it’s not polite to ask which child earned you Honorary Marleyan status.

Mrs. Yeager is accustomed to his curiosity, which he soon realizes along with his manners with an embarrassed flush that makes you smile. Luckily, she takes over for him with a pat on his arm. “Kellan here was helping me with the meats I bought from his family’s shop. He was just telling me that he’s studying to be a doctor, and I thought, what a coincidence—but it seems you two already know each other! Isn’t he handsome, Lucy?”

Such a pointed question. You and Kellan meet each other’s gazes with mutual embarrassment.

“You really don’t have to answer that,” Kellan laughs nervously, which helps you snap out of your stupor and look at him. You suppose he is handsome, even with his dark hair mired in sweat and slicked back today. He’s tall, taller than Zeke and maybe even Reiner, with a strong nose and gentle eyes that watch you hopefully in spite of his words.

The Warrior program and boarding school means no one has ever looked at you like that before, and the novelty has excitement blooming in your chest. Maybe a slight pink on your cheeks, too, which you try to hide with a smile.

“I think so,” you say, his gaze and then his shock making you feel a new kind of brave. “And I have bumped into him a few times. ...Sorry again about yesterday.”

“That’s all right. Bumping into you isn’t so bad,” he says almost smoothly, very nearly matching your courage until he remembers Mrs. Yeager and, as such, his embarrassment. “...You know, because Mrs. Yeager bought so much. I’ve never seen my aunt so thrilled.”

You’ve never been this thrilled either—attractive boys were a constant topic for your peers at boarding school, but then you’ve never had the chance to meet one. You still haven’t. Kellan is an attractive man, a few years your senior and hardly a boy. And you aren’t a liar. He’s very pleasing to look at, especially when his eyes search yours so intently.

“Of course,” you say, trying not to look nervous when you take a step closer and reach for the baskets he’s holding. “Well, thank you for helping Mrs. Yeager. But I can take those.”

Kellan withdraws the arm holding her basket, giving you a once-over. “What do you mean?”

“Lucy is our guest at home,” says Mrs. Yeager, who looks far too pleased with herself. “Even if she refuses to let us carry our own things.”

“Please,” you feign a sigh. “I haven’t kept up with some training for nothing.”

Kellan looks confused as he glances between the two of you, but he’s determined when you meet his gaze again. “Lucy,” he begins, “remember that bookstore I mentioned yesterday? I was thinking—did you want to drop by after this so I can show you which books you can start with?”

“Really?” you ask. Perhaps you were hoping to see him again, make a friend or two at campus, but you didn’t think your encounters could actually move past hello and goodbye. But Mrs. Yeager was right. He is handsome, dark-eyed and tall, and the idea of more of those shy smiles is a flattering one. “Well… I’d like that. But I wanted to bring these home first. And aren’t you helping at your aunt’s stall?”

“I can take a break,” he says easily, smile growing just a little more confident. “And I can help you bring these home! You shouldn’t be carrying all these yourself. Er… If that’s all right with you, Mrs. Yeager. And I’d just have to change quickly. Been out here since early this morning.”

“Of course, of course,” Mrs. Yeager answers for you, giving you an openly suggestive look. You pretend not to see it, but stifle a smile yourself.

Politely averting his eyes to spare you the embarrassment, Kellan reaches for the basket on your right arm, and for a moment you understand the Dr. Yeager of a little while ago. But you’ve never experienced anyone’s chivalry before, excepting Bertholdt (and he was an angel to just about everybody and he was twelve). You can suffer Kellan’s for now.

“Thank you,” you say reluctantly. “But only that one. I have my pride to consider, you know.”

“If you say so,” he chuckles, readjusting the baskets along his arms. When he shifts them all to just one arm so he can wipe the sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand, his damp hair glistening slightly, you imagine the tales you’ve read of countryside romances at the school library and remember to swoon a little. When he catches you looking and glancing away, Kellan smiles.

“Where to, ladies?”

You find Dr. Yeager with your carp, and he is just as pleased as his wife to have another helper no matter how much he claims he can take another basket of his own. Your fears of Kellan’s talk of med school bringing out unhappy memories in Zeke’s grandfather come to nothing when Dr. Yeager expresses interest in the university system nowadays, and you’re happy to listen to the men converse about Kellan’s plans for specialization on the way home.

“I’ll get it,” Mrs. Yeager says when you arrive, hurrying to unlock the door, and the three of you file into the house while she keeps it open. To everyone’s surprise, the door to the kitchen is already ajar: Zeke and Porco are sitting at the table, poring over folders together in silence. It seems they didn’t hear you come in.

“Good morning, you two,” Dr. Yeager’s surprised remark shatters their deep focus, and both of them spring out of their seats. They immediately turn the folders over and stack them next to a small paper bag.

It’s Zeke who relaxes first. “Grandpa,” he greets, casually nodding at each of you until he spots Kellan coming in from behind you. He doesn’t notice himself straightening up to his full height.

Before he can ask, Mrs. Yeager beams at the sight of Zeke’s guest. “Porco! What a nice surprise. You rarely come to visit.”

Porco’s suspicious brow slackens into a smile for her. It’s almost sheepish, and if that’s the case, is it really Porco? “Sorry, Mrs. Yeager.” He runs a hand through his hair. “Things have been really busy.”

“What are you two doing here?” you ask, rubbing your arms as you set the baskets down by the counter. You join them standing by the table at Dr. Yeager’s urging. “I thought you worked Sundays.”

It is Porco, because he snorts, only a little more politely since the Yeagers are around. “We were supposed to, until our Warchief realized he left work at home.”

Zeke shrugs helplessly. “It slipped my mind. I hardly ever bring home work.”

Porco remembers that you were the one in a hurry to leave HQ two days ago, prompting Zeke to forgo leaving the files in his office when Boy Wonder decided he would accompany you home, which is seriously stupid because you don’t really need any more babysitting. But then the two of you did pass by the family bakery and Mr. Finger—so he decides to stay quiet for now.

On that matter, anyway. He gestures to Kellan, who is quietly helping Mrs. Yeager unload the baskets. “Who’s the guy?”

You shoot him a reproachful, wide-eyed look. “Porco—!”

“This is Kellan. He’s studying to be a doctor, a few years ahead of Lucy,” Mrs. Yeager interrupts. She hardly knows him and she’s already proud of him, it seems, pushing him next to you by the table. He apologizes when the surprising force of her shove has him bumping into you.

“Right.” You steady him with a hand on his upper arm and are unsurprised to find muscle there. “Uh, Kellan helped us bring the groceries home. We’re heading out in a bit so he can show me some textbooks I can study ahead of time, regardless of which professors I get.”

“Textbooks?” Porco repeats with a chuckle. “Since when do you study, Blanchard?”

“Since a while ago, Galliard,” you say pleasantly, even with your teeth gritted, wondering if it’s possible to burn alive with embarrassment while hoping Porco catches alight himself. When the new Jaw only continues to look amused, you sigh. “Kellan, this is Porco, and that’s Zeke.”

You could announce their last names, but everyone in the zone knows who the Warriors are, and Kellan already seems uncomfortable. You hope it’s not because of Porco’s remark and consider throttling the man.

“Pleasure to meet you,” Kellan says anyway, politely offering his hand.

You hold back when Porco shakes it. It goes on for a little longer than you expect and their knuckles are paler by the end of it, but you suppose that’s better than nothing, which is exactly what Zeke gives when Kellan extends a hand to him next.

“The pleasure is ours,” Zeke says in lieu of doing anything else. He’s smiling, one hand in the pocket of his uniform while the other holds half the stack of folders. “Kellan, right? You’re pretty persistent, huh?”

Kellan presses his lips together as he withdraws his hand. “I’m sorry, have we met?”

Zeke stares at him a little longer before he chuckles. “Nah.”

You’re not surprised. Zeke always takes his time warming to people, if he ever does. When he meets your gaze, his amusement softens into something a little more natural.

You smile back, unsure why you feel embarrassed all of a sudden when Mrs. Yeager comes up from behind you. “All right, Kellan, thank you for accompanying us home. Now, off you two go.”

You survey the kitchen counters with a grimace. The groceries still need sorting. “But Mrs. Yeager—” you and Kellan start in unison, and then exchange glances. His light laughter is a little more than charming.

“Ugh,” Porco mutters, echoing more than just his own sentiments.

“Don’t worry about it,” Mrs. Yeager says before you can notice. She rounds the four of you to pat the shoulders of Zeke and Porco. “I’ve found two new helpers in your stead. You can spare a few minutes, can’t you, dears?”

Kellan looks to Dr. Yeager. “But—”

“We can handle it,” Zeke cuts him off, but he’s decidedly ignored the man, waving at you instead. “Do what you need to, Lucy.”

“Thanks,” you beam at him, feeling oddly silly. Like a child playing adult as Kellan opens the door for you. “I’ll see you later.”

“Have fun, kids,” Porco calls out. He chuckles when you glance over your shoulder to shoot him a deadpan look, only to find Zeke giving him the exact same one once the front door clicks shut.

“What?”

“I’m sorry about that,” you say as soon as you leave the Yeager household and head down the steps toward the street. You glance back at Kellan, waiting for him to follow. “Zeke and Porco are nice when you get to know them. And vice-versa.”

Kellan nods, looking at you. “You seem close.”

“Yeah,” is all you can say. When you don’t say more, he doesn’t pry.

He asks to drop by the market again so he can pick up his things and an extra shirt, and you walk in relative silence until you reach it.

“I’ll be right back,” he says, open palms pressing at the air as if you’ll disappear the moment he leaves. It’s cute from someone so much taller than you.

“Go ahead,” you smile, and he does too before diving back into the crowd.

You adjust your armband as you back into a nearby building and watch the coming and going of Eldians through the tightly-packed throng. Long ago, during your first foray into one of the zone’s open air markets, you were disgusted and confused. Only your growing regard for the Yeagers and the thought of Zeke’s sarcastic surprise at the little you knew of the world had kept your mouth shut.

Over the years you came to accept it as part of this temporary home, and market day a time when Eldians could happily interact with familiar faces and keep one another apprised of their trials amid life in the zone. The strong stench of the place became a reminder of this affection you could only find within a community, one completely nonexistent in the grand, empty gardens of the Tybur estate.

The first summer after you left showed you that to Eldians outside of Marley, the Liberio internment zone—a place you still consider a prison for people you care about, where stepping outside its gates to look for a pharmacy when those in the zone have nothing more to offer can end in a beating—is paradise. It’s the most ridiculous thing in the world, but it’s your world. The world that the Tyburs have allowed to flourish.

Alone with your thoughts, you find yourself nervous. Why is Willy coming here? Only Mila was ever permitted to come and visit you—but that was when father was still alive.

Perhaps if Willy sees Liberio, the place that raised you...

You find yourself hopeful. Maybe it was father all along. Maybe Willy isn’t a coward after all.

“Sorry about the wait. Lucy?”

Kellan stands before you, hair no longer damp but brushed down a little more properly. The apron has disappeared in favor of a new button-down, the strap of his messenger bag slung over his shoulder.

His sleeves are still rolled up. You like that.

“Don’t worry about it,” you smile, readjusting the purse at your side. “Ready to go?”

Kellan nods, and is much more talkative now that he feels more presentable around you. He apologizes for his silence earlier—his own scent was bothering him, and he was embarrassed—and he starts to tell you about university as soon as you ask.

The bookstore he mentioned is a little far from the Yeagers’, but it is useful. Many are secondhand, but the store is vigilant about keeping only those published in the last five years. It regularly gets donations, perhaps from sympathetic Marleyans, though how they would know about it you can only wonder.

Kellan advises you as to the best books when it comes to basic medical subjects, which are what you’ll be taking up in your first year. In spite of Porco’s little joke, you’re eager to get started working toward that degree. General List’s words may hang over your head, but now that Willy is coming to Liberio, you have time to wait to tell him instead of putting off writing Lara about it.

“Wow,” Kellan remarks, once you’ve bought everything. “You really are serious about this.”

You glance up at him with a frown you can’t help. “You thought I wasn’t?”

“It’s not that,” he says at once, holding the door open for you as you leave the shop. He offers to take the books off your hands, but you hold the pile to your chest, waiting for his reply. “No, it’s more—I thought I was the only one who did this kind of thing. Study ahead of the year if I can.”

You relax somewhat at his words. “You do this too?”

Kellan nods, and when he reaches again, you let him take half your books. “My friends made fun of me, but I mean to become a physician. There aren’t enough Eldian doctors to attend everyone in the zone, and… I want to help.”

“I see,” you murmur. Suddenly, Kellan seems a lot more charming than he is already. “I bet you’re at the top of your class or something.”

Kellan only smiles, and you blink at him.

“Are you?”

He looks embarrassed about it the way you know most men in your life wouldn’t be. “One of my professors said if I wasn’t Eldian, I might have been offered a scholarship.”

“That’s amazing,” you say, a mix of admiration and pity swirling in your stomach. You wish you could help him. Do more for a man like this.

“Yeah, well…” Kellan shrugs, but he easily replaces his bitterness with a smile when he looks at you again. “You have a good study ethic yourself. You’ll do great.”

You can’t help but laugh at that one. “I don’t know. Sometimes it feels like passing the state exams was a fluke.”

“You wouldn’t be here if it were.” It’s his turn to frown. “None of us Eldians would.”

You wish that were true. Of course, you took the exams as Lucy Blanchard, and for all intents and purposes Willy had nothing to do with your results. You studied ridiculously hard to earn your grades and the state exam score—it’s just difficult not to wonder when Lord Tybur has always known what you were up to.

“Look.” He stops, moving to stand in front of you. “I know we just met, but—I don’t like hearing you say that about yourself. Okay?”

You can only smile. You haven’t known Kellan for half a day, but you don’t feel like challenging him the way you would the others if they said that to you. It feels like he deserves more than that. “Let’s just say I was always the more sports-oriented type. But thank you.”

Kellan looks at you as though he thinks you might say something self-deprecating again and he’s ready to gainsay it. When you don’t, he nods with approval and looks ahead. “Uh, so I was thinking…”

“What is it?”

“My friends study with me nowadays on university grounds. We’re allowed to, and the university library does have some books the store might not. The cafeteria has great food we don’t have in the zone, too.”

He glances over at you, and when you continue to wait for his point, he asks, “Do you want to study with us, maybe tomorrow afternoon? We have lectures to attend this summer, but I can maybe… pick you up afterward? The permit office will let you if you show them that you’ve confirmed your slot. If you want to,” he adds.

His offer is surprising and exciting and daunting in equal measure, because of course someone wanting to spend more time with you is nice, even if you’re ambivalent about meeting new people. Of course, the new people you met at boarding school knew you as Lucy Blanchard, the daughter of some Eldian servant for the Tyburs, and they were Marleyan to boot. Kellan’s friends are Liberio Eldians too. Maybe they’ll be just like him.

“I do want to.”

His uncertain expression immediately lights up. “Great,” he beams. “Will you be at the Yeagers’ tomorrow?”

“Uh… yeah,” you answer, after some thought. You’ll be at HQ most likely, but you can always leave ahead of Zeke. “Just tell me what time you’ll arrive and I’ll have my permit ready by then.”

“Okay,” he says, pleased. “That works.”

You exchange smiles, and he walks you back to the Yeagers with a more relaxed silence than when you left. He hands you your books once you’ve unlocked the door to the house.

“I really have to get back to my uncle’s, but…” He scratches the back of his head. “I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon, right? Maybe… four?”

“Yeah,” you grin. When he waves, disappearing down the street, you hurry back inside toward the dining room. But it’s empty, with everything sorted in the kitchen. The Yeagers have left a note on the dining table about going out on a Sunday date, apparently presuming you would be out all day, but there’s another note from Zeke on the folded paper bag he and Porco brought home earlier.

Crybabies only, it says. You thought it was part of Warrior work, but you open it and find a few jars of your old favorite fruit jam.

“Tch,” you chuckle, fishing out the jars and storing them, but you take Zeke’s note and bring it upstairs with your books.

You get started on a simple lunch soon after. You want to re-wrap your new books in time for tomorrow afternoon, and make a note to replace Mrs. Yeager’s roll of plastic entirely since you neglected to buy your own. Once you get your permit for tomorrow, it’s still early enough that you have time to visit Mr. Finger, especially since you forgot to yesterday, and you end up sharing his dinner. You were embarrassed about dropping in when he was cooking, but he’s happy for the company, especially while Pieck is away.

To your relief, there are no guards in plainclothes outside the Yeagers’ when you return, and Mr. and Mrs. Yeager are in the living room chatting quietly between them. You greet them and hurry upstairs before they can ask you about Kellan, and allow yourself to linger in the bath when your reflection on Kellan inevitably leads to Mila and the night before.

Given how angry she was yesterday, you already know what she would say to you if she found out about any man like him. Not that you have ever considered sharing your life with anyone, but surely she would accuse you of trying to find some way out of your duty again, even when she knows that the family made sure—

The doorknob turning to no avail rattles into your thoughts. It must be Zeke, since you share a bathroom, so you hurry to get out and get dressed into your pajamas again. Once you’ve brought your things to your room, you give his door a knock.

He opens it pretty quickly. It seems he wasn’t expecting you, because he looks surprised to see you still drying your hair with your towel. On his part, he’s still in his uniform—just without the coat and the belt, one side of his shirt unceremoniously tucked out of his pants. “Hey.”

“Hey,” you smile, more pleased than you should be. You feel like you’ve been waiting to see him all day. “Was that you? I’m done with the bathroom.”

“Ah. Thanks. I’m still finishing something anyway,” he nods, and leaves the door open when you don’t immediately turn and go.

You follow him inside, flopping at the edge of his bed while he goes to his desk again. “What are you working on?”

“Warrior stuff.”

Something must have him in a mood, but there’s no use poking him at this stage. “I saw the jam. Thanks for that.”

Zeke turns away from his desk, his serious countenance lingering just a little before it finally falls away for mischief at the reminder of his little gift. “Like my note?”

“No. And only because it means I’ll have to share it with you.”

“Heh. Yeah, sorry—just putting off turning in paperwork I should’ve gotten done before.” He sighs, obviously trying to settle down, at least until he seems to recall something else. He glances back at whatever he was writing, his pen swaying noisily between his fingers as it hits his desk. After a beat, he slides his work a little further away from him and asks, “How was the date?”

You’d almost forgotten about that. “Oh—it wasn’t a date,” you say, and realize how strange it feels to be discussing a boy with Zeke. “Kellan is just helping me study ahead of the semester.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” you say, like a promise. You don’t care to mention that you’ll spend time with Kellan and his friends tomorrow afternoon. That was implied, right?

Zeke shrugs, sitting back against his desk chair. “When did you get so fond of studying, anyway?”

You shoot him a dirty look. “The way you and Porco tell it, it’s like I didn’t know how to read.”

“No,” he laughs, making the denial sound a lot more like affirmation, “I just mean you hated it. Before Bruning knew who you were, you were in the running for either the Jaw or the Armor for a reason.”

You peer at him. When Zeke only lifts a brow, challenging you to deny it, you click your tongue. “I guess. But I didn’t inherit anything, so what was I supposed to do? I was never interested in the varsity teams… not that they would have let me join as Lucy Blanchard. And I wanted to be useful somehow. I mean, actually useful.”

“I know,” Zeke says, watching your fingers lightly pinch at the hem of your pajama top in frustration. It’s almost amusing how your tells haven’t changed a bit, but he can’t deny that it’s endearing. “Well… I’m glad you’re doing something apart from getting me in trouble for once.”

Your jaw drops. “I never got you into trouble for that long, did I?”

The two of you meet eyes for a moment, knowing the answer to that, but you both choose not to bring it up. He wouldn’t put you through that memory again.

“I don’t know,” he grins. “How long did I stand there getting an earful when you glued Nickel’s belt together?”

You stare at him, genuinely trying to remember—before you burst into laughter, hand over your mouth in sheer horror at the memory, as though you can’t fathom ever having done such a thing. Zeke is shaking his head, trying not to smile, when you finally calm down enough to present your defense. “That—that was Pieck’s idea!”

“No, Pieck said she wanted to do it. You actually did it.”

“But it was funny,” you grin. “And Nickel deserved it. Besides, I paid for that too.”

“Yeah…” Zeke’s smile falters. He remembers. You had been about this close to being force-fed the glue you used that afternoon, when you found one of Magath’s fellow instructors asleep in his office. “Nickel deserved everything that came to him.”

He remembers what you looked like when they found you, busted lip still stubbornly set in a line, trembling as Pieck shed silent tears when Magath dragged Nickel out of sight. But then your foot nudges his leg, pulling him from his reverie so he remembers what you look like now. Not a bruised or bloody memory that still wakes him at night sometimes, covered in sweat, but Lucy in the flesh, with a knowing expression on your pretty face. Zeke supposes he’s just as easy to read when you know his tells, too.

“Well... sorry about that anyway,” you say. “Pieck had a name for my brand of stupidity for a reason.”

Zeke knows what you’re doing. He grants it to you with a sigh. “No sense of self-preservation.”

“That. Don’t worry—I’ve developed one since then. Or Pieck’ll really give up on me this time.”

You give him a smile, as if he’s the one who needs comforting when it comes to that night. Why did he have to bring it up? He would put his foot in his mouth if that didn’t remind him of Paradis—of his most recent nightmare. The thought of everything you don’t know makes him feel like an ocean separates the two of you all of a sudden. Like you’re here, and he’s still on that island, a blade jammed into his maw. He shivers.

You lean a little closer, elbow on the footboard. Of course you’ve noticed. “What’s wrong?”

Leaving his pen on the desk, Zeke moves over to sit next to you on his bed. If nothing else, he can at least shorten the distance in one way.

He has a lot to tell you, Paradis foremost of them all. He knows Pieck must have said something, but he’s managed to avoid the topic so far.

He has a lot to ask, too—what was normal school like? Did you really not have any friends? You seemed to make easy enough friends with that Kellan character.

Zeke looks at you like he wants to say something, and then gets as far as opening his mouth before clearly thinking better of it.

“It’s Pieck.”

Alarmed at his tone, you inhale sharply. “What about Pieck? Is she all right?”

He was holding his breath himself, but he relaxes with a chuckle.

“Yeah. She’ll be back with the Panzer Unit in less than a week.”

“Oh! Good,” you say, but then stare at him, obviously catching the lie in his old answer now. But he sees it when you shift priorities (Pieck was always one of them)—you’re clearly excited to have her home earlier than she promised, but the why of it is giving you pause. “So soon?”

“Yep.” He shifts away so that he’s moving up his own bed, at least until he catches you giving him a disgusted expression. You can’t stand it when someone still in their out clothes wears them to bed, and he knows that very well. That earns you an eyeroll, but you’ve had so many arguments about it at this point, many of which began with well it’s my bed and which ended only because he couldn’t stand hearing you talk any longer, that Zeke only sighs and practically vaults himself off his sheets so he can grab a change of clothes before you can start.

He makes a twirling motion with his finger when you look, and you turn to face the wall. This must be the quickest that Zeke has ever grabbed or changed his clothes outside the rush of Warrior training as a kid. He doesn’t know why he’s suddenly conscious with you in the room. It’s just you.

“You know it doesn’t count if you don’t shower, right?” you ask.

Zeke makes a snorting sound as he climbs back onto his bed in a shirt and a pair of pajamas, even if he feels like he’s twelve wearing the whole get-up right now. This time he ignores you until he’s got his back against his pillows and the headboard, legs stretched out over his blanket and his arms crossed over his stomach. “Do you want to know why Pieck is coming back soon or not?”

Your turn to roll your eyes. “Fine.”

Smiling triumphantly, he pulls out one of his pillows and tosses it on the empty space next to him. You wrinkle your nose at him, but he did give you the clean pillow when he’s given you the other before, so you let yourself fall forward on your stomach and rest your head on your arms, both crossed over his pillow. Your hair looks warmer than usual against the light of his lamp as you peer up at him. “So?”

Zeke looks away and shrugs. He shouldn’t be telling you this. But if his room isn’t safe for secrets, then where is? “One reason. Lots of movement in the south these days.”

Between the old Southern borders of Marley and Ulodana lies its new Southern territories, swept off the board by Marley and into its net in years past through the efforts of the Warrior generation before yours. Mr. Ksaver’s, to be exact, before they started training children. You had heard of minor attempts at guerilla warfare within those former nations in their bid for freedom, but little else. After your summer excursion with Mila, you began to distance yourself from news of the world when it came to Marley’s expansion, the Warriors’ activities especially so. Ignorance was better than guilt back then, but Zeke doesn’t know that.

“The South… you quelled a small rebellion there, right?”

“Yeah, but…” One of his hands drums near your pillow, tugging once at its corner as he asks, “You don’t know?”

“The Tyburs aren’t told everything.”

“Fair enough. Between the two of us,” he says, giving you a meaningful look you return with an earnest nod, “a couple of the leaders escaped into the eastern peninsula. Who knows what support they’ve gotten since then?”

You take a deep breath and hum as you exhale. “...That explains why General List reached out to me.”

“List? He’s the one who called the meeting with you?”

You prop yourself up on your elbows. “Didn’t the commander say he was there?”

“He doesn’t tell me everything. So have you decided?”

You almost look amused. “You know I can’t move without Willy’s say-so.”

He shrugs. Needless to say he doesn’t care all that much for the new Lord Tybur, who sounds just as absent as your old man was back then. “I meant what do you want?”

When your surprise at his question starts to fade, you lower your gaze at his quirked brow, slouching a little. “I don’t know. List wants me to… ‘be the new face’ of the Foundation. Distance it, myself from the regime so we can build headquarters abroad and bring in intelligence. That way we can bring more Eldians into the safety of the organization, but...”

“What?” Zeke snaps, sitting upright all of a sudden, but all the reasons you shouldn’t do it skid to a halt behind his teeth when you recoil in surprise. He pauses, clearing his throat, and reaches up to scratch behind his ear instead. “...would your brother put you in danger like that? What about Tybur non-involvement?”

You scoff, eyes narrowed at nothing you can see here. “That’s not what the general thought. He only said Willy wouldn’t do it to Mila.” Zeke grunts at her name, and you shake your head. “I mean… maybe it’s moot. She would never give up control of the Foundation.”

“Yeah... Maybe.” Maybe it’s enough that you’re ambivalent. General List is one of General Calvi’s close allies, and he’s well-known in certain circles to get what he wants. But even he can’t change the century-old tradition of Tybur ‘neutrality,’ even if part of Zeke is curious to see if Mila Tybur or Hulbart List would win in a battle of wills.

He sets that aside when he catches a distant look in your eye. He’s only ever seen one reason you’ve looked like this. Or two. “She didn’t drop by again today, did she?”

You shake your head. “She had Foundation business yesterday. She must have gone from the city last night the minute she left here.”

“Then what is it?”

You look at him, and now he knows what it is. “I just… ugh,” your eyes fall to his sheets. “I don’t know. I was so pathetic yesterday. I wish I—I wish that I could have said something to her.” Your voice is quieter when you add, face flush with embarrassment, “I wish you hadn’t seen me like that.”

“This again,” he says at once. It was difficult not to cut you off from the get-go. “Have you forgotten already? If you have to be pathetic…” He reaches over to graze your chin with the curve of his index finger, tilting it forward so that you meet his gaze. “You can be pathetic in front of me. Understand?”

His soft smile is the same as it was in the hallway yesterday. Warm still, like the solid expanse of his chest when you wept in his arms, but suddenly his finger beneath your skin feels hot. Tingles where he touches you. Like your face, now that he’s looking at you like that.

That’s not right. Zeke is either an annoying jerk who should shut his face forever or all comfort, blankets tucked up to your nose after a grueling day of work and a warm bath; a good night’s rest. Wrapped up in a hot blanket, the murmur of his voice lulling you into a deep and restful sleep. Not standing over a precipice with only the whim of the wind behind you or the rush of blood pounding through your ears without warning.

This is not the Zeke you’ve wanted back for the past six summers.

His touch scalds you—or maybe the memories you keep closest to your heart, as if any closer, any longer and it might burn them away forever.

You tremble, but not with pain, and decidedly ignore it as you stare at him, forcing a slight wince on your mouth. You hope he doesn’t notice you gulp. “That was probably more impressive when I was a kid.”

Zeke lets his jaw drop—it must have been a while since anyone denied him their awe—but he only laughs, so deep and hearty you feel his mirth in your own chest, before he flicks a finger at your nose. “You little ingrate. That was supposed to be touching!”

“Yeah, yeah,” you grin, a little too widely for your own good. Batting away at his hand, you sit up and slide off his bed. You’re strangely hyperaware of the way you gulp again once your feet find your slippers. When your eyes meet, he’s pretending to be cross with you. Maybe you like it better that way.

“But thank you,” you say, rubbing an arm. “Really.”

Zeke only nods, pushing his glasses back up the bridge of his nose as you head for the door. “Lucy—you still coming to HQ tomorrow?”

You glance back only once you’ve got your hand on the doorknob. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“I don’t know,” he says, but he looks pleased. “All right, get out. Distracting me from work and then telling me I’m not impressive anymore…”

“Spend more time with the kids. They still think the world of you. Good night!”

Zeke could probably chuck a pillow at you when you give him a little cackle before shutting his bedroom door, but he lets you escape with your dignity intact.

At any rate, he’s in a much better mood when he gets back to work.

////////

If you're worried about Kellan, you can click the fic list link on my bio for spoilers. (assuming you haven’t already read the other oneshots ahahha)

The flashback at the start of the chapter (as well as the others in the next few chapters) is something of an edited excerpt from a long-ass oneshot I wrote detailing Lucy’s childhood from before she left the Tybur estate, going through her Warrior training, and until a little after the time Lara inherited the War Hammer which I was/am debating with myself about editing&posting maybe after finishing the sequel fic to this which occurs during the Mid East-Marley War. I wondered if I should keep flashbacks out except for 2 crucial flashbacks toward the end of the story, but I’ve been sad about the dumb leaks post-139, having this feeling of ‘what’s the point of all this then if it all ends in that’ (even if this will be canon divergent), and I decided I would like to show the most important bases for Lucy’s relationships with at least Zeke and Pieck before she left, plus editing this in made me happy, so yeah.

Also! I know Zeke was a sweet little boy... but he was alienated by his classmates when he did poorly at first and burdened with expectation his whole life. No doubt that alienation shifted to sudden praise, admiration, or jealousy as soon as he became a candidate, and my hc is it made him a cynical kid when it came to others his age and even older people. Of course, he does eventually learn to be more charming (or annoying) and does have friends (as much as you can have friends in his position and with his life view), but that to me is why he’s like that at 12. Mr. Ksaver is exempt from this obviously as he completely trusts the man.

Another note: This is tagged zeke x reader because it’s in 2nd person POV, but also zeke x oc because reader or Lucy has a set background and family name. If you've gotten this far in interim I'm sure you already know what that is. XD So... please don’t send me hate or frustrations about why she looks like she does in the commissioned art I linked in the top of this chapter. Her family name necessitates that she’s white, I'm sorry. I hate having to say this but I'm not white either, or white-passing or w/e, but as I said in my note in chapter 1 I want to write a Tybur OC. If you’re going to send hate about me making a Barbie doll to complete Zeke or whatever I’m just going to delete it. Lucy is much more than that, in fact Zeke is not an entirely positive force in her life though they may appear to implicitly understand one another, and I have an entire background story and development for her that I‘m excited to write and share. I’m (not) sorry if me taking the time out from that to commission art that makes me happy grinds your gears. Of course I hope that readers will enjoy what I've written for myself but if you don't like it, just click away please. I won't be responding to complaints about that from here on out.

Anyway, thank you as always for reading! Would love to hear what you think. Of the flashback, of Kellan, of Zeke, of Lucy's blatant denial of certain things (I love and hate this), whichever! (Also can you tell I love Porco? He notices everything. Or almost everything.)

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boop-le-snoot · 3 years

Text

PARTY FAVOURS I CHAPTER 16

First time reader click here

Summary/TWs: Trouble is brewing. Canon-typical violence, graphic descriptions of wounds and Clint whump. Bad, terrible, no-good medical accuracy. Aliens. Reader is an anxious genius with low self-esteem and PTSD. ✨spicy sadness✨

From now on, chapters will be posted un-beta-ed. She's taking a lil break. 💖💝✨

I liked to think I had made peace with the fact that my boys and girls had one hell of a dangerous job. Natasha, Clint, Steve and Bucky frequently left for missions and while I missed their usual bickering in the background, it wasn't like the tower's common room became absolutely quiet. The fact that they mostly did recon-only missions helped, too, as they would come home unharmed and in one piece. The worry was there but subtle - like setting the table and including silverware for the people who were gone on a mission.

Peter's patrols went less smoothly, usually. He was small and even in his spider-suit, the boy was frequently underestimated by common thugs. Apparently, they didn't know how to read the news - it was blatantly obvious the hero was enhanced. And yet somehow, Pete more often than not sported all sorts of bruises, scratches and tears.

Tony and I routinely tore out our hair over the spiderboy's carelessness. The engineer had a funny way of showing he cared for Peter. Once I got to know him better, my brain dubbed them as Irondad and Spiderson. And it wasn't weird at all, somehow, that I was basically fucking my best friend's dad. Tony never made me uncomfortable, if anything, he went to great lengths to accommodate my whims. Tony continuously found time for me, answered my dumb questions and soldiered through the shenanigans I got up to after having too much caffeine and too little sleep.

Sitting in the quiet, empty common room was unnerving. It was shortly after dinner time - the evening news skipped their usual political debate in favour of the battle that was raging downtown, the reason for my headache and wrung hands.

I missed Tony's running mouth. The aliens the team was fighting looked quite hilarious, murderous intentions aside, and I could only imagine the way Tony and Clint would mock them. Hentai rejects. Tentacle porn knock-offs. The aliens were squid-like, about half the size of a human and very, very slippery, from what I spied on the TV.

An irritated-looking Stephen had me equal parts apprehensive and drooling - one after another, he conjured up a series of small portals, teleporting the aggressive octopods only god knew where. It would have looked incredibly badass if not for the exhausted sheen of sweat I could see on his brow, even despite the camera footage being shaky and grainy.

The news footage showed Tony - Iron Man, soaring contentedly through the darkening skies and taking out the squirmy mass of tentacles with his plasma beam repulsors. Steve and Bucky and Loki appeared too, sporadically, being well-oiled murder machines. Nothing new.

Yet, I worried. The little worm of doubt was squirming full-force. I tried to ignore it, yet pacing, sitting and playing Candy Crush got me nowhere. I pestered Friday to order pizza, the team's usual post-mission order plus a large one for me - stress-eating was better than stress-popping-molly in a tower full of superheroes. It took some courage to admit to myself I'd gotten attached enough to be this much from running away from all that in a blind panic.

And it would be the best option for them, really, because they had much sensible things to worry about than me. Yet every time, my selfishness won against even the most logical arguments I presented. I hated fighting myself but it was all I did - not only I was in love with Tony, I loved him.

Even when he forgot about my existence for five days, to emerge from his workshop with a new piece of tech that revolutionised one or another or something else. I loved him when he annoyed the ever living fuck out of everybody, me included, because I knew that it was hilarious to see people getting riled up over totally trivial shit. I loved Tony Stark when he ran away from his feelings, and everybody else's, because he never managed to run far enough. Or he didn't want to. I loved him, because he was like a multilayered puzzle, complex and captivating and beautiful.

I thought a lot about it, more than people would have noticed. For someone as selfish and goal-oriented as me, Tony lived in my head rent-free most of the time. And nobody would find out if I had the choice because let's face it, I'm a short cameo in his life. I'm a fuckin' catch and even then, I can't expect to hold his attention forever. His genius is too brilliant to settle for one when he could easily have the whole damn world.

Another hour consisted of me pacing and accompanying the pizza delivery boys to the common floor. It was hilarious - they were obviously star-struck about walking the same carpet as their heroes. I could see the faint hope of meeting one of the Avengers in their eyes, their posture. All they got was me - in my sweatpants, Tony's tee and no bra. My tits got the attention they deserved, at least.

My lounging was interrupted by a golden circle noisily appearing in the middle of the room, followed by Clint abruptly falling through it with a pained moan. I froze, the pizza in my mouth turning to ash - Strange poked his head through the hole in space, finding my eyes. He looked exhausted.

"Help him, I don't have much time," He breathed and disappeared, closing the portal behind himself.

The pizza piece flew back in the box as I stumbled, jumped over the headrest, kneeling beside Clint in no time. "Bird, tell me what hurts," I demanded. Not that I had a clue what to do. I mean, I knew basic first aid and...

"My leg," He gritted out, curling in on himself. Fear flooded me, limbs turning to lead. Hawk had a good pain tolerance, I knew he could break an arm and not utter a single syllable until he thought it safe to showcase his vulnerability. "That squid motherfucker stung me, I don't know. My whole body is on fire," His speech was slurred.

I nodded, deciding to limit the touching to only the necessary actions. The leg of his pants was torn and the wound itself was shaped like a whip mark, thin and red and angry. It oozed a yellowish pus-like substance, it smelled bitter, almost like stale water and seaweed salad. I didn't know much about aliens but jellyfish stings, I could work with. A short Google check later, I had an approximate plan.

"Friday, run diagnostics." I ordered, taking a deep breath and filing away the fear, the panic and anxiety for later.

"Mr. Barton has a wound that appears to be contaminated with an unknown chemical that is causing an adverse reaction. The elevated body temperature suggests that his immune system is fighting it. I would suggest a blood test to examine the offending specimens."

A blood draw? I could do that. I definitely, absolutely, could do that.

"Bird, Clint, did you hear that?" I gently touched his shoulder only for him to recoil from my hand, muttering unintelligibly. "Pretty bird, I'm going to help you. Let me." My bedside manner needed improvement - with brain running a mile a minute, I babbled utter nonsense as Friday directed me to the needed supplies. Getting the blood was a feat on it's own - I had to physically sit on top of Clint to get but a tiny vial of the red liquid.

A few tears escaped the emotional fortress I had to build within myself. Clint was in so, so much pain - pain I was inadvertently making worse by touching him. I sprinted to Bruce's lab, feeding the sample to be analysed by Friday, tearing through the room in a hurricane. First aid kit, IV, saline, antibiotics. Restraints, too, just in case.

"Analysis complete. The contaminant appears to be acting similarly to a parasitic infection with a short life-span. Primarily feeds on copper, iron and various metals contained in the human body. Does not appear to reproduce or multiply, my algorithms cannot determine the cause of said behaviour. Calculating..." Friday's mechanical voice paused. "I have calculated the approximate duration of Mr. Barton's symptoms. Onset of critical stage in one to three hours. Complete extinction of parasitic organisms in approximately sixty hours."

"Fri, do you think I have a chance of saving Clint before he goes crazy from pain? And have you figured out what's causing it?" My brain was all over the place.

"I have the best faith in you, miss." The AI sounded almost... Comforting? "I am still running multiple diagnostics. My algorithms suggest the organisms may be attacking the nerve endings - reason unclear."

An idea struck me. A crazy, brash, absurd idea. The pathogen was alien and we didn't have antibiotics to kill it. Even if I gave Clint some sort of medicine, it could go awry really really quickly. Besides, wasn't there a medical team for this..?

"Friday, alert the medical suite."

"Request denied. Per Mr. Stark's protocols, only Sir himself and Dr. Banner are authorized to request medical assistance in case of alien pathogen contamination."

"Fuck. Fuck, that makes no fuckin' sense!" I yelled helplessly. "Okay, do you have blood matching Clint's type laying around?" I asked sarcastically. This protocol pissed me off. What was Tony scared of? That someone would steal alien germs? Too late for that, there were plenty of samples all over the sidewalks downtown.

"A-positive, blue refrigerator, top shelf." Friday's answer was curt.

My hands shook. My whole body shook. Clint was laying in fetal position right where I'd left him and the man wasn't looking better - he became paler, dark circles under his eyes, clammy sweat breaking on every exposed part of his skin. Moving him was out of the question - Clint violently recoiled from me once I tried to touch him.

Reluctantly, I dragged the dining room chairs and piled up whatever heavy things I could on top of them, praying to every god that they would hold a trained man trash around in pain. Then, came the restraints. Belts with clips unlike one could see in a movie with a psych ward. I fumbled with them, then with Clint - very slowly, but I got both of his arms fastened and the man rolled onto his back.

"Wwhat... S'appening..?" Hawk finally slurred, cracking his eyes to see my (probably) disheveled and panicked face.

"This is going to hurt, I won't lie. A lot," I rambled, setting up the tools needed for both a blood draw and a blood transfusion. "I'm not a doctor. I'm not a scientist. You have alien parasites in your blood. I'm going to get rid of em," I announced, not mentioning the fact that I had to Google all the things I was going to do to him.

"S'okay, I trust you," Clint slurred again, moving about much more weakly than before. The tips of his fingers began to turn blue and the blood vessels on his face stood out in a pink-purple web. Not good.

My finest thinking moment: laying out some tarp around the archer and putting on gloves and a mask to minimize the possibility of getting infected. I started with the wound first, carefully wiping away the yellowish goop and immediately sealing it into a biohazard container. Some alcohol around the edges, the wound began emanating a faint wisp of smoke as Clint yelled hoarsely. I didn't even react - man, aliens and their germs were fuckin' weird.

Another biohazard container traveled next to Clint's arm. I had a disposable scalpel in one hand and my courage in another - it was now or never. The vein I was cutting was a minor one, but with Clint's body in total disarray, it was an ugly fountain of pinkish-purple liquid that spurted from it. I was no doctor but blood shouldn't have looked like that.

I stared at the timer on my phone. Twenty seconds, thirty, fifty. Eighty seconds, the blood was beginning to have more of a red hue. Clint's breathing slowed, tremors subsiding by a smidgen. One hundred and eighty seconds, the stream was a healthy deep red colour. With a swift motion, I wrapped up the wound, folded his arm, tied off the blood flow higher up his arm with a spare restraint. Clint wasn't moving much anymore; my hand that periodically checked his pulse shook but dutifully did it's job. His heart was working steady.

Compared to having to drain a friend of his blood, setting up the IV with a transfusion was a walk in the park. My mind was empty of any thoughts but for the actions needed to complete the process.

The container with contaminated blood, closed, sealed and put in a plastic bag, along with the gloves and the tarp. My own exposed flesh, meticulously scrubbed with alcohol until the skin became red and raw. All the instruments, Clint's pants, my clothes - in the bag.

The archer himself was laying still, his breathing steady and calm, face no longer looking like he was one step away from the grave. After undoing the restraints, I wiped down every surface we touched with Tony's vodka - rubbing alcohol had run out and I was too emotionally drained to go downstairs and leave Clint for too long. Whenever the booze collided with a stray drop of blood, a wispy smoke emerged. Such an interesting reaction. Part of me couldn't wait to examine the phenomena together with Bruce. The other part was considering the possibility of having a panic attack in a seafood restaurant.

"Fri, keep an eye- a sensor on Clint for me, will ya? I need a shower and some pants," I denounced tiredly, padding to the communal shower. I found respite, however brief, under the steam for a few minutes. Then I found Tony's old tee and a pair of someone's sweats - I didn't care whose. Post-stress adrenaline shivers had me feeling stark naked in the middle of Alaska despite the room being a toasty, comfortable temperature according to the digital thermostat.

Now I just had to think about what to tell the team.

Propping Clint's head on a decorative pillow and covering him with a soft fleece blanket was the least I could have done for the long suffering archer. The floor was hard but I sat next to him, running a hand through his matted hair, my brain an incomprehensible mess.

✨ TAGLIST OF MY LOVELIES (OPEN) ✨

@another-stark-sub @mostly-marvel-musings @vozit @littlegasps @pilloclock @shereadsinquiet @downeyreads @hermione-grangers-wife @individualistfem @sleep-i-ness @capbrie @lillsxd @agustdowney @dee-vn @justanotherblonde23 @fanngirl19 @persephonehemingway @softie-socks @schemefrenzy @letsby

#party favours #bun writes #tony stark x y/n #tony stark x reader #tony stark x you #bruce banner x you #bruce banner x reader #bruce banner x y/n #stephen strange x y/n #stephen strange x you #stephen strange x reader

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hopelesshawks · 3 years

Text

Official Accounts Part 29 (Bakugo Route)- Heavy

Summary: (y/n) was perfectly happy remaining anonymous, even if her best friends were all pro heroes and she worked under THE Hawks. Handling the technical aspects of hero work from the background suited her just fine, thank you very much. That goes out the window when suddenly her twitter blows up thanks Denki and the famed no. 2 hero is asking her to run his own official twitter as a result

If you don’t want to see Official Accounts content blacklist #hopelessoa

Masterlist

You walk into your apartment somewhat exhausted. You’d spent the whole day doing hardware fixes and tinkering with some of the new equipment the commission had sent over. You greatly preferred software so days you are primarily doing hardware work are always harder. For a moment you forget you aren’t occupying your home alone, and then suddenly you hear the sound of your kettle whistling. You wander into the kitchen to find Keigo grabbing out two mugs. His wings are finally starting to grow back in earnest although they’re still too small to fly with. Seeing them reminds you of small cherub wings almost and every so often you’ll catch him fluttering them just a little bit as if to confirm they’re really there. You notice a few of his feathers rifling through your tea cabinet to find your favorite before dropping a bag in each mug. The sight makes you smile.

“Isn’t your spot typically on the counter little techie?” Keigo asks, interrupting your thoughts as he pours the hot water. You hop up on the counter and take the mug he offers you. “That it is Kei,” you smile. “You sent your friends to check on me,” he replies casually as he moves to lean against the counter just like that first time the two of you had tea together. “I did,” you confirm. “Thank you. I hated it but I needed it. So thank you.”

The two of you lapse back into silence for awhile. It’s different this time. Not uncomfortable per say, but there’s a weight to the silence. You can tell Keigo wants to say something but can’t quite get himself to. Perhaps he’s searching for the perfect wording to express his thoughts. Perhaps he isn’t sure he’s truly ready to share them at all. Regardless, you wait patiently. You wait patiently even as your tea cools. You wait patiently even as you start to drink it. You’re still waiting patiently as you finish off your tea and Keigo’s grip tightens around his still full mug in apparent frustration. You put your own mug down before carefully prying Keigo’s away from him. He waits for the moment you ask what’s wrong, a sense of failure already sinking in because even with how much he’s let his guard down around you he still can’t completely let go. He dreads the moment you ask because he just knows he won’t be able to tell you and it will break your heart again. He braces himself. And then you ask your question: “Wanna get high for the first time?”

He blinks at you, surprised, and wonders how you do it. How did you know he wouldn’t be able to handle disappointing you again? “Sure,” he finally replies. “I’ll meet you on the balcony,” you tell him with a small smile before hopping off the counter and heading to your bedroom, where Denki had left the remaining weed from the party the other night. By the time you head to the balcony, the door is open and Keigo is sitting on the floor outside, staring up at the sky. You close the door behind you as you step out to join him before taking a seat next to him. He watches as you somewhat clumsily roll a joint for the two of you. “Denki has always been better at this than I am,” you chuckle sheepishly. “I think you’re doing great,” Keigo responds. “Of course you would. You have no idea what great rolling looks like,” you tease before procuring a lighter from your pocket. “Ok, so here’s how this goes,” you start, “if you don’t want to cough here’s the trick. First bring the smoke into your mouth, hold it there for a second, and then inhale more and bring it into your lungs. Got it?” “Got it.” “Good.”

You put the joint to your lips and carefully light it. You take your time drawing it in and Keigo can’t help but think there’s something strangely beautiful about the way you do it. When you’ve finished you pass it to him and watch as he carefully follows your directions. You resist the urge to giggle at how serious he looks. “Relax Keigo, that’s kind of the point,” you tease. He rolls his eyes but does his best to not think quite so much on his second hit. After you’ve each taken a few hits, you give him a considering look and then decide to address what had made you invite him to smoke with you in the first place. “Look I’m not saying you should make weed the answer every time you’re struggling to open up. I refuse to be the reason the number two hero picks up a drug addiction. But you also looked like you were going to give yourself an aneurysm trying to say whatever it is you wanted to say. So we’re going to sit here and smoke and it will mellow you out and if you decide you can and want to say whatever it is that was on your mind in the kitchen that’s great. If not, well, that’s fine too,” you assure him. The thank you Keigo gives you is quiet but genuine, and you cherish it all the more for it.

After an hour, Keigo finally speaks. “I owe you an explanation,” he confesses, but he won’t look you in the eyes. Instead he stares straight ahead, looking frustrated. “What do you mean?” you ask. “I owe you an explanation for why I did what I did but I can’t,” he pauses gritting his teeth and your heart breaks a little when you notice his eyes are watering, “I can’t make myself say it.” “It’s ok Keigo.” “No it’s not! Don’t you think you deserve to fucking know why I broke your heart?” “Of course I do!” “Then why are you saying it’s ok?” “Because you’re my friend!” “What if I want to be more than that.” “Romantic relationships aren’t more than platonic ones Kei. They’re just different.”

The two of you lapse back into a heavy silence. “I shouldn’t have yelled,” Keigo finally sighs once the silence becomes too much. “Lay down,” you tell him and he gives you a confused look but does as told anyway, you shift so his head is in your lap and then begin stroking through his hair. “You keep having to comfort me,” he notes with a certain amount of frustration. “That’s what friends are for,” you shrug. “I’m starting to think I’m a bad friend.” “You’re just still learning.” “That’s a nice way of putting it.” “Let’s talk about something else. No more heavy stuff,” you decide. “We could talk about how aggressively Endeavor doesn’t understand twitter and internet culture,” Hawks suggests half-jokingly. “I am way too high to talk about that asshole right now,” you reply rolling your eyes and then immediately realize your mistake. You freeze a little in place, your hand stilling in Keigo’s hair as he asks “What do you mean by that?” “Don’t worry about it Kei, neither of us are in the headspace to talk about it. I said no more heavy stuff.” “So whatever it is is heavy?” he presses as he sits back up. “I’m serious Kei. You’re not gonna like what I have to say, let’s just drop it for the night and we can talk about it later,” you sigh. “Or we can talk about it now.” “Drop it.” “Tell me.” “No.” “Tell me!” “No!” “(Y/n) I swear to god-“ “Endeavor was fucking abusive alright!?” you finally blurt out.

Keigo reels back as if you’ve struck him and it hurts to see. “No. No you’re lying,” he insists. “I’m not,” you sigh. “You have to be!” “Why would I lie about this?” “You’ve never liked Endeavor.” “Yea because I was in class with one of his sons who, by the way, can still barely stand him.” “That doesn’t mean he was abusive.” “No it doesn’t.” “Then what makes you so sure!”

You know he’s not going to like your answer but it’s too late to back out now. It hurts to fight with him and it hurts to see him looking so desperate for you to be wrong but you’re in too deep now, you have to finish the conversation. “Dabi told me,” you finally confess. “Oh well, if Dabi told you,” Hawks rolls his eyes. “Oh fuck you, don’t make it seem like I’m so gullible,” you fire back, getting angry now. “Maybe you are! Of course Dabi would say some shit like that. Anything to take down Endeavor.” “And why exactly do you propose he hates his father so much? If not because he was abusive.” “I don’t know! But you’re wrong about Endeavor, I wouldn’t even be here if it weren’t for him! If he hadn’t saved me and-“ “Just because he saved you doesn’t mean he’s incapable of hurting someone else!” “I thought you were smarter than this!” “Yea well I thought you trusted me more than this so I guess we’re both disappointed!” you fire back.

The frustrated tears you’d been holding back finally start to fall and you hate it. You hate that you’re so angry, you hate that Hawks won’t see sense, and you hate that you’re crying. Regardless your tears are what finally make him realize how ugly the conversation is getting. “Shit, (y/n), I’m sorry I-“ “Don’t,” you cut him off before he can finish. You stand up without another word and go back inside, heading straight to your room and slamming the door behind you. The guilt crawling up Keigo’s throat is immediate. You had tried to warn him that now wasn’t the time for the conversation and instead he had pushed and insisted and now everything was fucked.

Mirko is going to kill him.

He pulls out his phone with every intention of calling her for advice on how to fix the mess he’s made but he stops as his eyes fall on Endeavor’s name instead. It’s a horrible idea. He still feels raw from his argument with you and Endeavor is probably asleep anyway. He should wait until tomorrow.

He doesn’t wait.

His heart starts racing in his chest as he selects Endeavor’s number and holds his phone up to his ear to wait. The line rings and rings and for a minute Keigo is convinced that Endeavor really won’t answer but then there’s a click and suddenly Endeavor’s rough voice is answering “Hello?” Keigo could swear his heart stopped beating altogether. This was a mistake. He should hang up and just call Mirko like his original plan was. But at the same time he needs to know. He needs to know he didn’t just blow up at you for no reason. “Hawks are you there? Are you in danger?” Endeavor tries again. “Is it true?” Keigo finally manages to ask and it’s so quiet he’s a little surprised Endeavor heard him. “Is what true?” Endeavor replies cautiously. Hawks feels his grip tighten on the phone as his stomach starts to sink. “Is it true what you did to Shoto and Dabi?” Hawks tries again. The line stays silent for a long time. Too long. “I’m trying to atone,” is all Endeavor says.

Hawks immediately hangs up the phone.

He can feel his world view crumbling around him as the pieces fall into place. It explains a lot. It explains why the HPSC has been so tight lipped about Dabi being Endeavor’s son, it explains why the son of a top hero would grow up to become a ruthless villain, it explains why Shoto so rarely interacts with his father. He should’ve just listened to you. Why didn’t he listen to you? He should apologize.

Hawks stands and goes back inside, closing the balcony door behind him. He has every intention of going to apologize and talk to you but instead he watches the front door close behind you as you leave the apartment without so much as a goodbye.

Author’s Note: OOF this hurt to write but I’m very excited to get started on the Bakugo route! If you read the main route there will be some similarities between the two (as you could tell from the first few paragraphs of this part) but obviously we’re gonna see some major deviations that lead to (y/n) ending up with Bakugo instead. I hope y’all enjoy!

Taglist [open]: @maltese-sparrow @someweirdshitman

#hopelessoa #bakugo x y/n #bakugo x reader #bakugo katsuki #bnha bakugo katsuki

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voidendron · 3 years

Photo

...apparently I’ve drawn only two (2) things with full backgrounds this year.

whoops-

BUT I feel like my expressions/faces in general have started improving!

summary meme found here

details under the cut

-January and February were my previous fandom, with Feb being from when I started leaning into Star Wars stuff, as I had a crossover AU and turned one of the characters into a Mandalorian (and I may reuse the armor, specifically colors, for Atten bc I love it👀). Jan was my first attempt at a background with a vanishing point.

-March was when I decided to overhaul my mascot, Blitz! He got a massive change, and I adore his new design. That’s his ref.

-April was a self portrait assignment from my Drawing I class. Hated working on it, but I didn’t draw much else in April.

-May was an attempt at drawing Ahsoka. Really quickly done with no reference, but again I didn’t draw much else that month.

-June was a Pride drawing! It also has Varrich since they’re both aro/ace, but Key turned out better. This was Key’s original iteration, and he and Vee have more or less swapped personalities from the time of drawing that.

-July was the first time since Jan that I’d used my paint-y shading style. Kinda drew it as a birthday gift to myself ‘cause they’re always shitty so wanted to do something for myself for once instead of moping. As a result, drew Terrin showing off her flamethrower.

-August was around the time I created Kitty because I wanted Jen to have an SO. I drew a cute shippy piece of them almost immediately after Kitty was created.

-September was shorty after creating Max iirc, so drew something cute + shippy of her and Azan.

-October, I didn’t draw much because I was busy with Whumptober. BUT my friend @digitalcacography and I did do a design trade, Baesk was who she designed for me, and I immediately had to draw something up for him because I love him.

-November, I drew a bunch of outfit meme requests. That was one of my favorite turnouts - and made me realize Jen could look good in anything ;)

-December, the month I spent days working on a piece of Varrich and Lina. I’m incredibly proud of it and feel like I pulled off the soft/relaxed vibes I was going for with it :D

#2020 art summary #void attempts art

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solesurvivorpaigeargot · 4 years

Photo

Affection -- Sketch - Lines - Flats - Texture - Finished

::Artist Notes::

MAN THIS ONE ESCALATED QUICKLY. The sketch was originally done as part of a meme I rebloged where people shouted out poses from the post for me to draw these cuties in. The poses only had like... head and hands, and maybe a bit of shoulder in most cases, but my sketches extrapolated out a little bit more than that and apparently these two just decided screw clothes that day cause man they are super naked. Like that blanket is hanging off of one of Paige’s knees and nothing else, and Hancock is easily a casual rollover from hanging out in just his skin.

When I decided to polish this piece up a bit and actually take it to full color, the linework led to a lot of reworking, including fiddling with Paige’s exact head position and how much neck she actually has and just... going ham on John’s skin texturing. I wanted to position him like he was turned on his side at the hips and have him kinda semi-curled towards Paige, but I couldn’t get it to look right, so I ended up just cropping his legs outta the picture entirely.

Getting into flat color, I actually ended up arguing with my hard ware a lot. My current display has a dynamic setting that exists in the menu, but is for some reason locked. As far as I can find on google, there is no way to unlock it and turn it off, which drives me bloody nutters because that dynamic setting causes the monitor to change what colors look like and how intense bright and dark tones are based on what is on my screen. This thing kept making things look too red or too gray while I was trying to figure out basic shit, and while that dynamic BS might be great for gaming or movie watching, it makes me wanna pull my goddamn hair out when I’m arting.

Seriously. I hate smart devices, particularly smart devices that assume they know what I want. Because they don’t. Ever. I love technology, but I like my personal devices to be stupid and to assume nothing so they do what I tell them.

Getting into texturing, I’m actually so dang proud of that wall y’all have no idea. For wood grain I’ll usually google an image of wood grain and layer it in to get a texture, but this one I actually built myself and dang I am so pleased with myself. Fabric textures came out pretty solid, too, though I feel like the ‘threads’ could have a little more flex with the folds in the fabric... we’ll work on it.

And then we get into finishing shadows, which led me to, once again, arguing with my hardwear that wanted to convince me that even my lightest shadows were pure black. Why? because the app background for Sketchbook is light gray, and there is no way [that I have found] to change that, so that’s the major color on my display and the freakin’ dynamic setting causes the screen to darken everything up to make it easier on the eyes... only I need to fucking see the subtle variations in the shadows I’m building, asshat.

I suppose I shouldn’t bitch too much, I did get this display for free. I’m gonna devote some time to googling the issue in the near future, and find out if there is a way to unlock all the settings it won’t let me freakin touch.

#my art #digital art #artist notes #progress pics #Paige #Hancock #Affection

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ponett · 5 years

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Welp... it’s over. After nine years, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is over. I just got done watching the series finale with Anthony and, just like I knew I would, when the credits rolled, I cried my eyes out

I should probably say something, huh. I’ve been sharing thoughts like this mostly on Twitter lately, but I started using Tumblr to blog about MLP, so I don’t think it would be right to post this anywhere else

I have a complicated relationship with MLP:FiM. It’s a show that got really hit or miss after the second season, and it has a fandom so toxic and so full of edgy libertarians that it scared me off from formally participating in fandoms for the rest of my life. But it’s also probably my favorite TV show of all time. There are other shows that are much better written, that have more to say, that are more consistent, even including several other cartoons from the same decade. But I think I’d be lying to myself if I said it wasn’t my favorite show

No other piece of media has had as massive of an impact on my life as My Little Pony

I grew closer to some of my closest high school friends because of our shared enthusiasm for the show. I started PonyPokey with Jake and Derek and made a bunch of bad videos and got invited to be on a wildly disorganized BronyCon panel with Jenny Nicholson in 2012. (We went on stage immediately after Lauren Faust’s panel. I barely said a word due to stage fright.)

After years of being too afraid to share my art online, I started putting more effort into learning digital art so that I could draw ponies. It started out rough, but with the drive to improve, I quickly got better. I started Fluttershy Replies. For the first time, I had an audience. I had people who cared about my work and supported me. Even as times have changed, many of you have been following me since way back then

Around the time I came out as bi in 2012, I got really into MLP shipping. Writing sappy comics and drawing sappy art became an outlet for my years of pent up feelings, and helped me sort out a lot of stuff. My Little Pony also completely changed the views on femininity that had been beaten into my skull since childhood. Suddenly, it wasn’t this strange, alien thing to be afraid of. MLP, at its heart, is a show about how there’s no wrong way to be a girl. That’s an incredibly powerful message. Rarity wasn’t a vapid snob. Fluttershy wasn’t a background character who got made into the butt of the joke. Pinkie wasn’t a ditz. These were characters written to be empathized with. And writing about my own feelings from the perspective of Fluttershy felt... right. It took me a few years to fully process those feelings, but eventually, I realized the truth. I was a trans woman. And a cartoon about horses was the first step on my path to realizing this

In 2013, one of the roughest years of my life, I decided to download RPG Maker on a whim to give myself a distraction. Naturally, my first instinct was to make a game where Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash kiss. What was initially supposed to be a short, Fantastic Game-esque playground of silly little jokes spiraled out of control and became Super Lesbian Horse RPG, a game that I poured my heart and soul into over the course of a year. And then, a couple years later, my desire to preserve the ideas from my copyright-infringing fangame also spiraled out of control, as all my creative projects do, and became SLHRPG’s successor: Super Lesbian Animal RPG. SLARPG isn’t really a reskinned MLP fangame anymore--it’s more like a new game inspired in part by my old project. The story has been drastically rewritten, the characters changed, the levels and gameplay redesigned. Most of the cast of the new game wasn’t in the original project in any form. There’s much, much, much, much, much more new content than old left in the game. And the original game had already strayed so far from the canon anyway. But I’m also not sure it would exist without MLP

I made a bunch of friends online, including close friends I still have to this day. I met the people like Bee and Thomas who I’m still working with on SLARPG. Most importantly, because we both blogged about MLP and had some mutual friends, I met Anthony, the love of my life. We’ve been together for five years now and supported each other through good times and bad. This is the lamest, corniest, stupidest thing I will ever say in my life, but he’s the Rainbow Dash to my Fluttershy

...

So what about the finale itself? (spoilers, obviously)

I have... mixed feelings on the finale. There were some things that really annoyed me in there. But also, like I said, I cried, so I think it’s safe to say they did good overall

I think the thing that stuck in my craw the most was Discord. Which I guess shouldn’t be surprising. I’ve been saying for years now how I hate Discord, how he spits in the face of everything the show stands for. He’s an obnoxious elderly manchild who constantly causes problems on purpose and torments his so-called friends the second they stop paying attention to him. But they have to put up with him and give him infinite second chances, because he’s a god and Celestia said they had to reform him

The overarching plot of the final season is that Queen Chrysalis, King Sombra, Tirek, and Cozy Glow (a Darla Dimple-esque filly villain from season 8) had teamed up with Grogar, a “new” villain taken from G1. While this goes on in the background, Twilight is making her preparations to become Celestia’s successor, as we’d known would be her destiny since the day she got wings six years ago. The villain team-up stuff was genuinely fun, and a highlight of the season for me. But then, in the three-part finale, it’s revealed that Grogar was actually Discord in disguise, and that he’d been intentionally trying to orchestrate a big attack on Twilight’s coronation so that she and her friends could save the day and get a big confidence boost going into her reign as princess. This is like... one of the most bafflingly stupid plot twist of all time. It’s literally the end of the show, and Discord has learned nothing. He’s “nice” now, but he’s still intentionally causing huge problems and putting everyone’s lives in danger to solve his problems. He freed four different villains they’d already defeated just so Twilight could beat them again, and in the process they literally blew up the goddamn castle in Canterlot and nearly killed everyone. And yet... they still forgive him, because they have to

I did, however, think that the last two-part adventure episode was fun overall. It tied a nice bow on much of the series, bringing back a bunch of old friends (including cameos from the movie cast!) to band together and save the day. Of course, in the end, they beat the bad guys with a big rainbow laser and sealed them in a statue. You know, even though a previous season finale was all about how solving their problems with a friendship laser and sealing the villains away never worked. Also, Cozy Glow might be evil, but she’s still literally a child? And now her petrified body is on display in the center of Canterlot? What the fuck????

I’m complaining a lot, but again. It was fun overall. It was nice to have one last big adventure, and to have the mane six reflect on how they’d grown since Twilight moved to Ponyville

...

And then we got the actual final episode. And boy did this one hit me HARD

I’m so glad that they ended on a quieter episode about the main cast’s friendships, because that’s what the show is actually about. The two-part adventures to save Equestria every season are fun, but that’s not the real show. We all came back every week for Twilight and her friends

There are things I can complain about here, too. Spike being a buff adult dragon with the voice of a child is fucked up. I’m still not used to seeing Twilight be Celestia’s size. But more than anything, I was always worried that we’d get a Harry Potter ending, where all the characters are paired off into arbitrary marriages so they can all have kids. Thankfully, this didn’t really happen. The only one who had a kid was Pinkie, who apparently got married to Cheese Sandwich (Weird Al’s character) at some point. Like, they literally shared two episodes together, with no hint of romance? But then they got married and had a kid off-screen??? What the fuck???? A lot of people also think that Fluttershy ended up with Discord, and I know I’m massively biased against that ship, but... I mean, they teased the FlutterCord shippers, but there wasn’t really any actual textual evidence that they were any closer than they had been previously. Y’all weirdos who ship Fluttershy with an obnoxious elderly man can interpret that as being “canon” if you want, I guess, but it’s not

The other relationship that shocked everyone in the finale was Applejack and Rainbow Dash, who... appear to be a couple? It’s definitely hinted at. I have... very, very mixed feelings about this. I mean, okay, obivously I’m the big FlutterDash fangirl. But I think AppleDash is cute, too! The problem is that, like... they’ve barely interacted in years? Like, they had a lot of episodes together in the first two seasons, but then the writers barely ever had them interact past that point. I can’t even remember when the last time we got an actual episode focusing on them was. And no, the one where Rainbow takes Granny Smith to pony Vegas doesn’t count

Like... yeah, it’s cute. It’s a nice gesture. Lyra and Bon Bon getting married in the background was also cute. But we can do so, so much better in 2019. We have so many explicitly canon lesbian couples in cartoons. Couples that actually kissed, or got married, or showed feelings for each other. Rainbow and AJ barely even fucking talked to each other in the final few seasons. I dunno, it just feels very hollow to me. Even the Equestria Girls crew admitting they were pushing RariJack felt more substantial to me, because at least they were given on-screen chemistry and lots of canon interaction

But in the end, complaints aside, the finale was about Twilight moving back to Canterlot, and worrying that her friendships would fade because of it. Honestly, I think this is what the finale of the show always would’ve been. It was the perfect story to end on. And boy, it hit really close to home

And then the last song happens, reflecting on how things have changed, but how they’re all still friends. And we see all the other friends they made along the way. And the camera zooms out, and the book from the opening of the very first episode closes, bringing the entire nine-year saga full circle

And then I started sobbing really hard in Anthony’s arms

...

I dunno. I just got done nitpicking a lot, but I still think that the last episode was a good and very emotional ending for the show

I’m going to miss this show dearly. I know it will be back in a new form, and that the leaks indicate that it’ll still star slightly different versions of the Mane Six. I’m also used to shows like this getting rebooted. Hasbro cartoons are honestly lucky to last past three seasons. FiM, on the other hand, got over 200 episodes, a theatrical film, a few specials, some shorts, a bunch of comics (which I still need to read), and a spinoff human AU series that was also really great. There’s no shortage of content, and I’m sure I’ll be returning to the series for years to come. I’m also glad that the show managed to go out on a high note

But still. It was a constant presence in my life for nearly nine years. Even as the quality got really hit or miss, even as they took the premise in strange directions, even as the crew of the show grew more and more dominated by men, it was still a show I could rely on to always be there, 26 episodes a year. I’ll miss it. I hope what comes next is just as good, if not even better. I also hope it’s gayer

I was going to end my ask blog, Fluttershy Replies, around the time the show ended. I’m not sure if I’ll do that just yet. I don’t know. I think that might be a bit much for me to process emotionally. Too many doors closing in my life in quick succession. But I do want to do more with it. These characters will be special to me for the rest of my life

I mean shit, I haven’t even drawn StarTrix yet. I’ve still got a lot of work to do with these horses, folks

#bobby thinks about horses

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atamascolily · 3 years

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lily liveblogs Star Trek:TNG 1x11 - “Haven”

aka the “Troi has an arranged marriage” episode.

we get to see Riker smirking as he watches two attractive women in togas play the harp. Oh, Riker.

creepiest message ever for troi: a silvery mask attached to a literal talking cube. Quoth Troi: Oh fuck no.

I don't blame her for being upset; I'm disturbed myself.

the creepy message box opens up, spilling jewels all over the transporter, and Troi has to inform the oblivious Riker about her upcoming arranged marriage that she very clearly hates

(Item: I cannot tell what is up with her relationship with Riker because the show has given us very little information to date, but I cannot imagine any scenario where this wouldn't be awkward and embarrassing.)

(Left to my own devices, I assume that Troi pegged Riker on the regular and she was the one who broke up with him, but I suspect the writers thought it was the other way around, lol. but it's pretty clear that Riker is dtf aliens and Troi is half-Betazed, so... *shrug*.)

Troi tries to explain her situation to Picard while Riker is mansplaining in the background. RIKER PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF.

All Picard wants to know is if Troi is gonna be sticking around or if he's going to have to find a new counselor, lol.

Troi tells him she won't be staying, and Picard is very clearly disappointed and trying to make the best of it, and you can just SEE the moment where Riker realizes he's still in love with Troi and goes all soft, and it's rather endearing.

(For the record, I mock Riker relentlessly, he's often an asshole, and I hate how the writers keep writing him so he's Always in the Right / expect us to identify with him, but I do enjoy him as a character most of the time.)

Riker leans casually against the wall not looking at Troi LOL. He doesn't have to because she can read his emotions.

Troi: "don't ruin your career for me,"

Riker: "babe, but I wanna"

troi: "how ‘bout no"

Riker: "okay, then, guess I'll die"

troi: how 'bout you stop being a dramatic bitch and dance at my wedding?”

riker’s like "maybe?" and walks STRAIGHT INTO DATA WHO HAS NO IDEA ABOUT THE WRITHING MASS OF AWKWARDNESS HE’S STUMBLED UPON

Deanna's future in-laws arrive OH THE SPACE FASHION LOL

her fiance Wyatt is human (???) gives her a "chameleon rose" that changes color with her moods, I am SURE we will be seeing more of this magic mood ring flower later as a plot point, but 10/10 excellent gift.

(his sweater game is pretty good, Wesley Crusher should take notes)

Troi calls her mother "eccentric" which is a massive understatement

her mom's first act is to scold her for not using telepathy and to make Picard carry her luggage even though she knows he's the captain

(okay, so Troi is half-Betazed, and her MOM is the Betazed and her dad is human? for some reason I thought it was the other way around but w/e)

the other dude with the elder Troi is her valet, so that makes her snub to Picard even worse, and Troi puts her foot down in the corridor

(love how both geordi and data look at that and agree "not gonna touch that shit")

The fact that Troi's mother is such a raving narcissist makes me love Troi so much more. Like, I already loved her, but this just takes it to the next level.

pretty sure the dude playing the valet is the same guy who was the time traveler in "Where No Man Has Gone Before", lol

picard: please accept our humbly awful '70s space future accommodations

I don't know what color white is on a Mood Rose, but that rose has been pure white ever since Lwaxana Troi showed up

Lwaxana Troi believes in radical honesty, which actually puts her roughly on par with Data in terms of social skills, ironically enough.

Troi, who is a professional diplomat, is like, Mom, please, fuck no, humans are complicated, okay?

"Failure to communicate is inherently hostile" - wow, that's this show's philosophy in a nutshell, isn't it?

I love Electorine, the leader of Haven (the planet they’re orbiting) - she looks like how I imagine a grown-up Ozma of Oz

So Troi's fiance is human? I'm so confused about the politics here, especially when Lwaxana is such a snob about Betazed superiority.

Troi tries to console Wyatt by saying "I'll only be half as annoying" as a Betazoid/my mother. He doesn't laugh, but I think she meant it to be funny? I LOVE YOU TROI.

He wants to know if she can read his thoughts, she says no, but maybe we'll get there, and then she almost spills the beans about Riker, but catches herself at the last possible moment

to his credit, dude picks up on that right away and asks "Do I have competition?"

Troi says NO, but we all know that's a lie.

Turns out Dude also has issues: he's been hearing voices/seeing the face of a woman his entire life, and he just assumed it was Troi because aliens are Like That, am I right?

he says it doesn't matter but he's CLUTCHING THE PORTRAITS HE'S DRAWN TO HIS CHEST AS IF THEY'RE HIS MOST PRECIOUS POSSESIONS so I have Grave Doubts

Picard to his personal journal: am I biased? I'm pretty sure I'm not and this is a legit disaster in the making.

oh hey, there's a strange vessel approaching the planet to investigate, so time for another conference!

(ngl: I realize the conference room scenes are unpopular but I personally love them even though they generally do not work on multiple levels from a writing/viewing perspective)

turns out the ship is full of plague and heavy-handed metaphors about the nature of humanity

Lwaxana Troi causes a scene at the cocktail party quarreling with her future in-laws, and both Troi and Riker are in their own personal hells

data looks like he could use some popcorn

Love Troi in her non-work outfit here

Data tries to chat up the silent valet about his drinking habits, with hilariously awkward results

RANDOM GONG FOR NO APPARENT REASON

Lwaxana has a pet Tradescantia vine that starts crawling on one of the in-laws and Riker has Had Enough

Everyone is appalled to learn that nudism is mandatory at Betazed weddings.

Troi screams at everyone and storms out and Tasha is amused.

Data believes the proper study of mankind is man: "Could you continue the petty bickering? I find it so intriguing."

awww, riker is brooding in the holodeck, lol

SEARCH YOUR FEEEEEELINGS, RIKER

(why does Troi always have to be the adult in this relationship?)

So "Imzadi" is confirmed to mean "my beloved" and Troi asks if they're beyond that now, and Riker's all jealous and defensive, and... surely they have polyamory in the 24th century??

Rikers like "I'm an all or nothing guy," which, okay, fair. BUT WHY THE HELL DID YOU TWO BREAK UP THEN, I'M SO CONFUSED? Did Troi break up with you because she thought it was interfering with your career (not sure how that tracks but whatever)? Or did Riker instigate the break-up? (In which case, I have less sympathy because he shot himself in the foot there! GROW UP, YOU FOOL, GROW UP)

Wyatt the Betrothed shows up and is like, "oh, hey, your loss" to Riker, which just made me roll my eyes.

Riker responds by stalking off in a dignified huff, lol SO EMOTIONALLY MATURE, Y'ALL.

"So we'll go half naked?" AHAHAHAHA, TROI, I LOVE YOU AND YOUR DEADPAN SENSE OF HUMOR SO MUCH.

meanwhile, the plague ship approaches *jaws theme*

turns out the woman in wyatt's drawings is on the ship, although I admit I would not have made that connection if Troi hadn't pointed it out

Wyatt goes to ask Lwaxana for relationship advice, which goes about as well as you'd expect it would.

he decides to break quarantine and transport over to the plague ship because HIS SECRET DREAM WOMAN IS REAL (and also he's a doctor and this is his life dream to cure the plague)

the ship is decorated with portraits of Wyatt at various ages which is totally not creepy at all

so anyway, that's that!

Lwaxana concludes by flirting with Riker, much to his amusement and Troi's annoyance

it turns out the valet could talk this whole time, he just... didn't want to before now? Or maybe he's come to understand humans better enough to communicate on their level... or just really liked the wet bar at the reception

(oh, and I was totally wrong, that color-changing rose was just a space macguffin that didn't go anywhere, sigh)

at least we'll always have the vine-pet-creature-thing!

I still don’t understand why this episode is called “Haven,” the planet has almost literally nothing to do with anything and nobody even goes there.

so this episode has a lot going for it! lots of fun character moments, even if I’m still confused as hell about a lot of things the show should have explained.

am I entertained? oh, absolutely.

#lily liveblogs #star trek: tng

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tessatechaitea · 4 years

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Cerebus #9

Weird brag but OK.

This is probably the first issue where I realized something bigger was happening. Until now, Cerebus was eight single issue stories with some slight history building. We did get a recurrence of Elrod but that was more "The fans really responded to this guy who is easy to write! Let's get him right back in there!" and less "I'm building continuity!" Sure, the last three issues were all part of a linear narrative in a way the first few were not: Cerebus learns of a treasure, Cerebus hunts the treasure, Cerebus is found hallucinating from a fever and poison caused by a wound while hunting the treasure. But I didn't say this was the first issue in which Dave Sim begins making Cerebus into something more than one shot sword and sorcery parody stories; I said it was the first issue when I realized that that was happening! Mostly because Cerebus found himself in charge of an army last issue and, in this issue, he makes use of that army. We get to see Cerebus' ambitions growing. And by the end, we get to see him deal with failure and a major setback to that ambition. In a way, we learn maybe Cerebus actually yearns for more than just gold so that he can buy ale. Cerebus gets a taste of power in this issue. He also finds it a headache but that won't stop him. This is kind of a microcosm of what will happen to him in High Society and Church & State. The "A Note from the Publisher" is once again called "A Note from the Publisher" and not "Note from the Publisher." Is this the kind of thing other comic book critics wouldn't be concerned with when reviewing a comic book? Is this the sort of concern that proves these reviews are more about me than the comic book?! I'd probably let it go if the "A Note from the Publisher" had anything to say worth discussing. It does not. Let's move on. Dave Sim's essay backs up the thoughts I had when I first read this issue. It seems I'm better at comprehension than "9th grade level." Take that, you stupid standardized tests!

This is usually where I say something like "Grandmaster Comic Book Reader!" But shouldn't I just amend that to "Grandmaster Thinker and Philosopher and All Around Total Genius"?

It scares me that there are people who exist who believe the exact opposite things that I do and yet do so with the exact same confidence. How can they be so confident in being so wrong about everything?! In Dave's essay, he points out that Imesh, the place Cerebus lays siege to in this issue, was the city where an adolescent Cerebus grew up and studied magic under Magus Doran. Is this something who reads 300 issues of Cerebus learns? Or is this just Sim's own background knowledge, or maybe something that appeared in one of the many Cerebus short comics that appeared in various places over the years? Why didn't Dave ever publish an additional Cerebus phonebook called the The Apocrypha? No, don't answer that! I think it's for the same reason we aren't allowed complete episodes of Beavis and Butthead with their music video commentary. Too many other artists and writers participated in many of the side stories which probably cause a huge headache when it comes to publishing rights and royalties. Cerebus leads his new army to conquer Imesh because what else are you going to do with an army? Not conquer a nearly impregnable fortress city?

"Imesh was the nickname of my last girlfriend which only confused her" is a joke I wouldn't make because it's so tacky.

Cerebus leads his large army right up to the city wall because Imesh doesn't post guards on the South wall. Why? Because nobody has ever taken it from the rear! Aren't you paying attention? You might think part of the reason why nobody has ever taken Imesh from the rear is that they have at least one guard on watch to warn everybody when Imesh is being taken from the rear. But maybe the real truth is that Cerebus is a terrible leader and he just got lucky that, unbeknownst to Cerebus, K'cor, the leader of Imesh, has closed off the city entirely and drugged all of its citizens into obedience. Cerebus leaves his troops behind in frustration and climbs the city walls to find out what's going on. He discovers the entire city has been demolished, replaced by small buildings up against the city walls and a large monument being built in the city center. Cerebus' plans for conquering the city give way to solving this mystery.

The amount of times I've decided to try solving a mystery only to have a beautiful woman approach me to explain everything can be counted on no hands.

Of course the amount of times a woman has challenged me to chase her have 100% been traps so Cerebus deserves to get locked in a cage for going after her. K'cor, apparently having nothing better to do because his drug-addled slaves do everything, was waiting in the darkness outside the cell to appear dramatically and reveal his plans to Cerebus! He's really mighty proud of drugging everybody into submission so that they'll do his will. If only his will were more ambitious than building a giant stone monument to communicate with aliens.

Is it a coincidence that both "buz" and "Fox" have three letters?!

I suppose CNN also has three letters but they fail in a far less spectacular way than Fox does. Fox is pure propaganda. CNN is just a bunch of pseudo-journalists and reporters too frightened of being labeled biased to actually report the news unbiased. And yet they still get labeled biased! You'd think they'd learn a lesson from that. Unless maybe they don't care about learning lessons and have decided they're probably making the maximum amount of revenue from ads that they can make with their wishy-washy brand of "news." Hey! K'cor is just "rock" backwards! I don't know if that means anything. His consort, Sedra, is "ardes" backwards and I know that doesn't mean anything! Unless I'm ignorant of what an "ardes" is! I hate being confronted with my own ignorance though so I'm going to pretend I never doubted myself. K'cor informs Cerebus that the Venusians are going to invade the world (Earth, I guess, but a fictionalized one?) and the monument he's building will be the only defense therefore the populace has to be drugged to save the world. Which means K'cor is way more like Fox News than even I previously believed. Cerebus explains to K'cor that he came to conquer the city and impress the populace into his army. K'cor, being an arrogant blowhard, makes a wager with Cerebus. If Cerebus can defeat K'cor's champion, Cerebus can have the people of Imesh. But if K'cor wins, he'll get Cerebus' men. Of course the Conniptins are already as good as dead and K'cor knows this. He doesn't plan to take the fight to the end; he's just killing time until he's sure the Conniptins have all drunk from the poisoned wells surrounding the city. To get to the battle with Imesh's champion, Cerebus must navigate a corridor full of deadly magic balls. He just manages it and finds himself facing a Panrovian swordsman. Apparently Panrovy is the butt of all the jokes of every other race in Estarcion so Cerebus gets a chance to ridicule the poor fellow into making a ton of mistakes in battle. Cerebus humiliates the man just before killing him. But that wasn't the champion! The champion Cerebus must defeat is K'cor in full plate armor! An impossible task for a nearly exhausted Earth Pig! Except this comic book isn't called K'cor; it's called Cerebus! So it's not surprising when K'cor eventually relents before Cerebus' incredible wrath and obvious skill. But he doesn't surrender the wager. He merely calls it off, letting Cerebus know that the Conniptins are almost certainly dead by now. Cerebus screams in frustration although you'd expect he'd be used to it after nine issues of his story ending with him no better off or worse than when he started. No letters came in this month so there is no Aardvark Comments! That couldn't have been a good sign to a struggling independent comic book creator! The single page story is called "A Single Page" and it's a story about an artist drawing a single page comic book for Cerebus Bi-weekly and coming up with nothing. Is that meta? Or post-modern? Or is it just lazy? I suppose showing how lazy a writer/artist is is meta and post-modern. So I guess it's all three? Cerebus #9 Rating: A. As I noted, this issue got the ball rolling on the idea of what this comic book could be about. Or maybe the ball was already kind of rolling but this issue gave it a little more direction and speed. I can feel the beginnings of the epic in this story. And it's a story well-told and well-plotted! You get some background on Cerebus, you get a conflict, you get a resolution that doesn't really make anybody happy (which is great swords and sorcery story telling, right?). Plus you get commentary on current social issues like tyranny and drugs and chasing women into government traps! Plus things only get better! I think the grading system might eventually need grades better than an "A" if that's the case.

#Cerebus #Dave Sim

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ememchan8 · 4 years

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. PLEASE… PLEASE DON’T READ THIS. THIS POST IS FULL OF NEGATIVITY, BITTER AND PETTY RAMBLING… BUT I JUST BADLY NEEDED TO VENT....

Me: *finished the work for the day* Me: *decides to take a day off the next day and plans to draw something I love and been wanting to draw for a long time.* Then life decides to fuck up with me: *My drawing tablet suddenly had issues, so I had to spend the money (that was just enough to get me by for a month and pay the bills) to get my tablet fixed or just need to buy a new one because I need it for work*

*Drawing tablet gets fixed/I managed to buy a new one but I’m broke as f*ck and doesn’t know how I will I survive for a month or the months after.*

*My whole days off were spent in getting my drawing tablet fixed or had to spent them for a very exhausting commute to the big city to find and buy a new drawing tablet, instead of being able to have the time to draw what I want. Also I’m too exhausted, stressed and anxious from thinking I’m going to be broke as f*ck for the whole month and lost the will to draw the thing I want*

*Now that my drawing tablet is ready, life decides to f*ck with me again when the next day, the electricity in our house keeps flicking on and off by itself. It was only happening in our house. The electricity in the rest of our street is fine.

*Electric company had it checked and fixed, or so we thought. Several hours later, our whole house lost its electricity again for more than 12 hours. Then, we found an electrician. We had our power lines checked and the power is back again.

*Our electricity is back (not sure how long it will last), but then my phone decided to go kaput (don’t have the means to call the Electric company/technician anymore just in case our electricity go kaput again, too). Our electric stove also decided to go kaput and now I had to spend more money again to buy a new stove (not an electric stove this time, but something that is fueled by kerosene gas) because if I don’t, we won’t be able to eat. And apparently, I’m going to be broke again this month because of these.

*Honestly, it’s probably just me. But I feel like my holiday is full of bad luck, that I’m starting to expect that the next thing would happen is that a plane would suddenly crash land on our house or the kerosene gas in our new stove would suddenly explode, or a burglar would suddenly break into our house, steal our valuables (though we barely have any) and murder us in our sleep. Or maybe, our house would suddenly burst into flames. Either I’ll die or I’ll end up sleeping in the street and starve there to death with excruciating burns.

And then I remember how my life has been so f*cked up since I was a kid. I grew up in a poor family with a drunkard and jobless father (who used to go violent when drunk) and a mother whose religion had forced you to be converted in it through your relatives’ peer pressure and it f*cked up your childhood until you had grown into an adult and it was too late before you realized that you should have gotten out of it years earlier. But it’s too late. You have missed so much in your life because of it, and it f*cked you up so good, you had social anxiety and depression issues.

The religion who brainwashed you and for more than 20 years and made you live in fear of the world and of yourself for doing the little mistakes that you believe will get you punished by God for. The religion that made you believe that standing up for your self is wrong so you ended up constantly getting bullied in school for years because fighting back is wrong! And that everything will only be solved if you just pray. The religion that made you anxious and paranoid of drawing an art that they might interpret as something that symbolizes the devil’s work that might get you punish through burning in Armageddon.

My childhood and teenage life was so miserable that I barely see any difference now. In conclusion, I’m starting to think that my life isn’t getting any better. No matter how much I work hard for it in hopes of changing it. Man, I believe I’ve already tried my best so many times. I’ve been working so hard. But my body is starting to give in. It seems that even if I keep working hard, hoping that my life would get better, nothing is getting any better. Life won’t even let me have the time to draw the things I love anymore just for the tiny amount of happiness and brief solace because it keeps fucking my life over and over again that I’ll probably going to spend the rest of my life constantly fixing it! Even if I was able to draw several sketches, afterwards, suddenly, my life would be bombarded with bad luck as if it’s telling me to finally stop drawing! That I shouldn’t dare do something that I really want and makes me genuinely happy because I’m not allowed to, otherwise there will be consequences How dare I become happy, right!?

Nothing good is happening in my drawing career anymore either despite all my perseverance and hard work that I’m starting to think that maybe I should just change job and career and give up on my dreams. I mean, I should have known from the beginning. I’m not one of those artists who were born privileged in a well-off and supportive families, who can afford to draw whatever the f*ck they want and are easily to achieve their dreams without worrying about life f*cking them up like how life f*cked up my life.

I wish I could look for another job but then my body has become so fragile and weak recently, that I’ve been constantly having health issues that I couldn’t even travel in the next city without constantly getting dizzy and throwing up and always catching illness along the way. Heck! I can’t even afford a simple health check- up anymore because I have no time nor money for it. I need to constantly work to earn back the money I spent for fixing these life’s f*ck ups instead.

Maybe I’m better off washing plates in a cafeteria or whatever and accept the fact that life wants me to be miserable for the rest of my life. I should know my place, right? That happy ending is NOT meant for me. I’m that miserable background character in a novel that readers don’t give a shit about because I’m not the hero/heroin who is meant to have a happy ending after their struggles. I’m just the mediocre character who is meant to be miserable all her life and soon will be forgotten. Heck, I haven’t even gotten a single nice dreams for a while now either. I can’t even afford to be happy even in sleep. I haven’t been getting enough sleep lately, too, anyway.

If the rest of my life is meant to be like this, then I don’t want it anymore. LOL! I wish I could end it myself but I’m too much of a coward. But I’m sure life hates me enough not it’s not even going to let me die a painless death in my sleep. LOL! I mean, one time I tried to overdose myself with sleeping tablets years ago but I seemed to have just developed an immunity from it that I had insomnia instead or maybe those sleeping tablets were fake! I’m sure I won’t be able to acquire real sleeping pills anyway without the doctor’s prescription – Doctor that I can’t even afford anymore.

I’m also getting tired of constantly pretending to be optimistic and okay, because I don’t want my friends to worry. Negativity like this is so contagious that I don’t want to vent it directly at them; I don’t want them to catch it. They don’t deserve it. I want them to be happy. I don’t want them to be as miserable as me. But I’m just really getting tired of everything.

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stargirlrchive · 6 years

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Love Story - Sirius Black

sirius black x reader

masterlist - prompts (request open)

a/n : i have slowly been adding to this work for some time and i loved the outcome, hope you enjoy it just as much as i did !

word count: 4400

We were both young when I first saw you

I close my eyes and the flashback starts

I'm standing there on a balcony in summer air

My fingers gripped the picture book as I made my way towards the couch, the leather book feeling heavy as I took in the picture at the front cover.

It was Sirius and I, dressed in our most formal attire and the roses from the garden in the background as the fireflies moved around in the picture.

A soft sigh left my lips and I let my eyes close, recalling the first time I ever properly saw him.

“(Y/N) straighten your back, you’re slouching. It’s your first time being introduced to the Sacred 28 and we need you on your best behavior.”

I sighed quietly and straightened my back, drawing myself to my full height as I fluffed out the large ball gown they had put me in.

I took in my surroundings and took the ballroom in, it was littered in lights and the high ceilings appeared to make the room look even fancier.

My eyes darted across the room and there were a few people that looked my age, they were in a small group and they gave an aura of confidence and that made my nerves increase rapidly. As my eyes continued to scan the room they landed on a tall and broad shouldered raven-haired boy, a drink in hand as he glared at nothing.

A large part of me wondered why he looked so angry and I nervously bit down on my lip as the side of his face came into view. He was very attractive and I could feel a small flush coat my cheeks as my parents began greeting all of their old friends from school. The usual conversation came up and I realized they must of all run in the same circle and had the same ideals as my parents. My eyes quickly averted to the nicely dressed male I had spotted not long ago, drawing out the conversation of blood purity, my mood slightly dropping as the thought that the handsome stranger must have shared the same ideals as everyone else in this room. We continued the small talk and me faking the blush that littered my cheeks as my parents old schoolmates complimented me.

After some time my parents ushered me to the group of people that looked my age, ordering me to introduce myself.

I could feel the nerves wracking up inside me but before I could make it to them I bumped into someone.

“Oh-I am so sorry!”

My eyes clashed with piercing grey ones, his eyes observing my face and before I could properly introduce myself another boy, one of the ones that had been in the group quickly pulled me away. The only things I picked up were to stay away from him and that he was a filthy blood traitor.

I moved my eyes back to where I was stood and I sent him a small sympathetic smile, growing slightly flustered when he smiled back.

See the lights, see the party, the ball gowns

See you make your way through the crowd

And say hello

These formal parties became a frequent thing as my family adjusted back to being in Britain. Our family ingrained back into the Sacred 28 society once more and it unfortunately meant dealing with the same stuck up bunch that were soon going to be my school mates. None of which appeared to be the very handsome one I had yet to meet. He hadn’t attended the last few balls and I could feel my mood dropping.

I hadn’t been able to speak to him, or even known his name, but he defiantly brought some light to these dull parties. He radiated mischief and for me, a person who was always taught to be proper and never show any type of emotion, I desperately clung onto the idea of him. A pure blooded, sacred 28 lad who didn’t agree with what anyone in the room believed. He was right up my alley and I intended to meet him.

As I was playing with the food on my plate, another family had walked in, they were greeting everyone and once again, the one that was left alone the other ball just received snarls and looks of absolute disgust. I could feel a burning sensation build up inside me. Why were people so vile? He was just a boy and his parents seemed to do nothing to stop it, they appeared to be encouraging it.

He took off towards the deserted part of the room and I quickly excused myself from my parents, finally making my way towards him.

Little did I know

That you were Romeo, you were throwing pebbles

And my daddy said, "Stay away from Juliet"

I had learned his name was Sirius and that unlike what everyone thought in this room he was extremely kind and insanely intelligent. He kept me entertained the whole night and it was the first time in a while that I hadn’t regretted my parents decision of moving us from France back to Britain.

He was extremely charming and funny, and the bonus factor was that he was extremely handsome.

“When I first saw you, you looked really angry. If you don’t mind me asking, why was that?”

He sighed quietly and he nervously began playing with the ring of his cup, “I left my home. Couldn’t stand the way they thought, but I decided to go back for my younger brother.”

He pointed at Regulus, he was the only one I actually liked from the bunch and I noticed the whole group was staring at us; I quickly averted my eyes back to Sirius.

“He also doesn’t agree with them either but he’s just way better at hiding it.”

I nodded and I began to feel bad for them, especially Sirius. He sighed quietly but his eyes locked onto mine, he flushed when he realized I had been staring at him.

Before I could engage him into another conversation a firm hand gripped my forearm and pulled me straight out of my seat, it was my father.

He pointed a finger straight into Sirius’ chest, “I know about you, stay away. I’ve been told you were the disgrace in your family and I don’t intend you infiltrating my daughters mind with your ideas.”

I took in a sharp breath and my eyes locked onto Sirius, his eyes had hardened and as my father dragged me away I tried catching his attention. Wanting more than anything to apologize.

So I sneak out to the garden to see you

We keep quiet 'cause we're dead if they knew

So close your eyes, escape this town for a little while

My punishment was staying home for the next two months. I was not allowed outside of the range of the garden and was most certainly not allowed to any of the balls and formal parties that the Sacred 28 was throwing.

Little did my parents know that I was quite happy to not attend such boring parties, but I still wanted to see Sirius.

To apologize for the way my father had treated him and assure him that I was nothing like my father.

The loud pecking on my window startled me and an owl that I could not recognize was outside of my window, a letter tied to its claws.

I quickly let the owl in and as soon as it set itself onto my desk it began to cuddle its head into my palm. I quickly detached the letter and set a pile of treats for the owl to snack on.

‘To: Ms. (Y/N) (Y/L/N)

The prettiest maiden of the night’

My cheeks colored profusely and I opened the envelope, only to be even more delighted by whom it was from.

‘I reckon our conversation ended abruptly and I quite enjoyed your presence. Is there anyway to meet you sometime soon? - Sirius Black

ps. I await your response with a great deal of nervousness and excitement’

I quickly got my quill and flipped the letter over,

‘Can you apparate? You look of age, if so I’ll be waiting in my garden half past 10. Do you remember the first ball that was taken place this summer? That’s where I live.

(Y/N) (Y/L/N)

ps. I await your arrival with a great deal of nervousness and excitement’

I dotted a small smiley face to the end of my letter and sent the owl off, the nerves bubbling in the pit of my stomach as I waited for time to pass by.

It had reached 10:20 and I was assured everyone but the house elves were asleep. Not that it would make much difference if they were asleep, they’d always cover for me. Even then I quietly made my way outside of the manor, not wanting to be seen for if I was caught they wouldn’t be subjected to punishment.

Once I made it to the front of the garden I made a run for it. Walking towards the end where the wards cut off as I waited anxiously. The minutes were ticking off slowly as I continued to wait, playing with the grass. There was rustling by the trees and a large grunt; I bit down on my lip to stop myself from laughing as a disheveled looking Sirius emerged.

“I’ve been doing that for a good 2 months and I still hate it every time.”

I quickly removed the wards and let him in, growing more nervous under his stare.

“I’d just like to apologize for the way my father treated you. I can assure you he does not speak for me and that I certainly don’t view you the way he does.”

The boyish smile never left his face as his hand reached out to move some hair the wind had blown into my face. “Is that the only reason you called me here?”

His smile quickly turned smug as my cheeks flared up, “Not the only reason, no. However it certainly was an important factor in inviting you here.”

“And the other reasons being?”

I huffed quietly as he grew more comfortable and his naturally flirty side came out.

“Honestly?”

He hummed a yes as we walked ourselves deeper into the center of the garden. “I wanted to see you again. Keep talking to you. You’re the only person that I think is like me in those bloody parties and I wasn’t quite ready to leave you when I was made to.”

His cheeks were burning and he coughed to hide it, turning his eyes from mine as I watched him.

“Well good, because I know I wasn’t ready to stop talking to you either.”

And I said Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone

I'll be waiting, all there's left to do is run

After that night Sirius made visiting me an every night thing. Half past ten I’d be waiting for him and he would always show up. The whole two months were a blur and he quickly became the only thing I looked forward to everyday.

Today was different though, the two months were up and I was finally allowed back into the graces of the Sacred 28 parties.

I sighed quietly as my father apparated the four of us to the next manor it would be taking place in.

As soon as we got there my brother and I were whisked away to the small group of people our age. My eyes scanned the room, looking for Sirius but with no luck.

I heard a clearing of the throat and my eyes locked with Regulus. His hand extended out to me and he made a motion to the ballroom where many people were dancing.

Feeling everyone’s eyes on me within the group I smiled politely and took his hand in mine.

As soon as his hand landed on my waist his stoic composure quickly wiped away and he visibly relaxed.

“You we’re looking for my brother? Didn’t he get you in trouble the last time?”

“More like I got him in trouble.”

A laugh left Regulus quietly and he continued to move us with the music. “Nothing Sirius isn’t used to, you mustn’t feel too bad. He’s here, but no one knows. My parents forbid him from attending these parties anymore but he wanted to get you away if he could.”

My eyes moved up towards Regulus, he was looking in the direction of my parents and he motioned me over there, pushing me along.

“Mother, Regulus and I are going to walk along the manor.”

The small pride the flittered through my fathers’ eyes was quickly sent to the back of my mind as Regulus pulled me along once more after the permission was granted.

“Sirius is helping me see who I want so I’m helping him with the same thing.”

“Thank you Regulus.”

I smiled up at him and walked towards the double doors, “Another thing, (Y/N).”

I turned to him, letting him continue, “Sirius is intimidated by you, he’s never known someone like you and if you like him I’d tell you to make the first move, he’s too scared to do it but he does like you.”

My cheeks flared up but I nodded nonetheless, quickly walking away from him.

As soon as I entered the room I could see the silhouette of Sirius and I quickly made my way towards him, the adrenaline of what Regulus had told me motivating me for what I was about to do next.

The clicking of my heels had Sirius turning directly to me, as soon as I was in arms reach of him I quickly wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my lips to his softly.

I could hear the gasp that left him, and then it slowly followed by a laugh that left his throat. One of his hands wrapped around my waist as the other tangled itself into my hair.

After a while we pulled away and both of our faces were flushed, my lips were slightly numb and I pressed my lips to his once more quickly. “Let’s go back to my manor? No ones home and Merlin knows I much rather be there than here.”

He nodded quickly as his arm enclosed around my waist and he apparated the two of us away.

The night was spent sharing kisses and taking pictures on a bewitched muggle camera that Sirius had brought along. My lips were pressed to his once more and the time of peace with him was shattered in an instant.

From the front of the garden I could hear my parents, “(Y/N)! Are you here?” “Regulus said you weren’t feeling well and that you came home.”

I grabbed Sirius’ hand as the panic began to grow; I quickly pushed us farther into the garden, making my way to the end of it to get him out.

I could hear the laughter he was trying to bite back as we moved deeper into it, just as we were nearing the end of it he pulled to a stop and spun me quickly into him, his hands enclosing around my face quickly as he pressed his lips firmly to mine.

He softly bit down and I let him pull me flush against his chest. When he pulled away I could hear my parents becoming more frantic. His nose brushed against mine, “I wish I could leave with you.”

His gaze grew heavy as his thumb traced my jaw softly, “School’s starting soon, and we wont have to sneak away anymore. Trust me when I say I wish I could take you with me too.”

I nodded and pressed my lips to his once more quickly, “Go before I get caught and they send me back to France.”

He nodded but he lingered back for a while, the two of us just holding onto each other. He sighed quietly but as soon as he made it outside of the wards he apparated away.

I made my way back into the center of the garden, and as I heard the footsteps approaching I once again panicked and did what I thought the most rational. I laid on the floor and feigned sleep, I kept my eyes shut tightly and only opening them when I was shaken ‘awake’.

Romeo save me, they're trying to tell me how to feel This love is difficult, but it's real Don't be afraid, we'll make it out of this mess

Me being sorted into Slytherin was really no question; I had always been extremely ambitious and strived to do better. The shock that came from it was just how close-knit the 7th and 6th year Slytherins were. It was of great importance to never step a toe out of line and once again, seeing Sirius was hidden. I’d basically be exiled from them and it was already a huge struggle being the newest addition to the snake pit besides the 1st years.

The only reason I had any free time was because there was quidditch practice and most of the older students went for moral support, the parchment clutched to my chest had left a bitter taste.

My younger brother had made his way over to me, a solemn expression on his face and I knew my parents had written to him too.

“What are you going to do?”

Even then being family, he always got the weirdest of stares when he sat himself in the Slytherin table. A rather foolish and unspoken rule was that most of the houses didn’t associate with us, especially not those who sported scarlet and gold ties.

I shrugged my shoulders softly as he snatched the parchment from my hands, his eyes rapidly reading over it as he slouched in his seat.

“They want you to m-”

“Don’t say it.”

His lips shut tightly as he reached out for my hand, “We have to do something, you can’t possibly be thinking of going through with it?”

“You have yet to understand that you have a choice simply because you are a man. The Sacred 28 has very backwards ideas when it comes to its women. I simply may not have that choice.”

It was one of the few times I had ever seen him so angry, “Well I can assure you I wont let mother or father go through with it!”

He was gone just as quickly as he had appeared and I decided it was time to head back to my common room, the conversation draining me of the little energy I had since the letter.

I had avoided Sirius for a few days after the letter, not really knowing what to say regarding it. As I was making my way towards the black lake I could feel something being draped over me, and seeing as it had happened before I turned to see Sirius, his boyish smile ever present as he pressed his lips to mine quickly.

“I have a feeling you’ve been avoiding me.”

I huffed quietly and just wrapped myself around him, the invisibility cloak hanging heavily on the both of us because he let it go to wrap his arms around me, “You okay?”

“I will be in a little, Merlin I’ve missed you.”

He quickly tangled his fingers with mine, using the other hand to keep the cloak up as he moved us towards the Gryffindor common room. He popped his head out and mumbled the password and we were both under the cloak and walking quickly into his dormitory.

As soon as the doors closed I removed my tie and shoes, laying myself on his bed as he did the same.

“What has you so stressed, love?”

I made space for him and lay my head on his shoulder; he moved his fingers to let my hair down and massaged my head softly.

“I got a letter the other day.”

He hummed quietly, “My parents are looking for suitors. Think its best I start looking for a husband since school is ending within the next few months.”

His hand stilled and I simply couldn’t bring myself to look up at him, “How do you feel about that?”

“I feel like it doesn’t matter what I say. I’m their daughter and they simply want to ship me off so they can have a strong bond with another influential family. They don’t even care and they expect me to be okay with how they’re trying to dictate my life. It isn’t fair!”

It was the first night I stayed with Sirius. We talked about life and our future, simply choosing to ignore the fact we had class tomorrow.

As my eyes grew heavy he pressed his lips to my temple, “I hope you know I am not letting you go that easily and that your parents are going to have to try a lot harder to get you away from me.”

I got tired of waiting Wondering if you were ever coming around My faith in you was fading

The months left at hogwarts flew by in the blink of an eye. We were officially graduates and the future ahead of us was so uncertain. We were only children and forced to pick our future so young.

I had hid behind the pillars and waited for Sirius to get here. A pair of strong arms wrapped themselves around my waist and Sirius’ scent engulfed me.

As soon as I was facing him, he pressed his lips onto mine, letting the kiss deepen until snickers were heard from behind us, causing us to pull away.

Remus, James, Lily, and Peter were laughing and teasing the two of us. “Pads let the poor girl breathe.”

The six of us spent our last few minutes as students together, enjoying each other’s company before we walked out of the doors and no longer step back in as students.

“Are you sure about tonight?”

My eyes locked with Sirius, “I am, are you?”

“I’ve been ready since you kissed me that night in Avery’s manor.”

I pressed my lips to his once more, “I’ll see you later, love.”

It was half past 12 when the sinking feeling began to settle into me, he wasn’t ready and he wasn’t going to come.

I let the minutes tick by and he had yet to show up, my bags were packed and ready to leave but the thought was quickly fleeting as he didn’t show.

It was 15 minutes past 1 and I had told myself that I waited long enough, my motions stilling as I heard a quite pop just outside the garden.

There he was, a sheepish smile as he grabbed my bags from me, his arms wrapping around me as he pulled me into him.

“I’m sorry for taking so long, but just listen to me.”

I nodded and I could feel my stomach dropping as he quickly kneeled down, his eyes locked onto mine; his foot extended out, tying his lace as he laughed quietly.

“You arsehead! I thought you were proposing.”

The boyish laughter left his throat and he grabbed my left hand, pressing a soft kiss to the back of my hand, “Oh I am, just got a little nervous, love.”

His eyes locked onto mine again, “We’ve known each other for barley a year and I always swore that marriage was pointless, but not with you. I’ve had the time of my life with you and I no longer want you to be alone, all I really know is that I am so completely in love with you and I am asking you to marry me? I also know that as much as you deny it you want your parents approval and I’ve spoken to both of them. With the help of your brother, Regulus, and the boys I convinced your parents to let you go with me. That is of course if you want to.”

“No.”

“What?”

The laughter left my throat and I pressed my lips to his once again, “Only kidding, babe. Of course I’d marry you and of course I’ll go with you, I’d go anywhere as long as you’re by my side.”

He huffed quietly but pulled me to him, he gently put the ring on my finger and pressed his lips to mine softly, “I love you.”

“I love you too, Pads.”

Cause we were both young when I first saw you.

I quickly closed the picture book; out of habit my fingers went to feel the engagement and wedding ring on my finger. The swell of my stomach feeling heavier as I anxiously waited in the living room. Lily made her way into the room as well with the two year old wobbling besides her.

“Sometimes I feel like were never going to see them again. I know we aren’t in as trying times as when Voldemort was in power but them being Auror’s is still highly dangerous.”

Remus walked in followed by Alice and Frank and their two year old, Neville, had my heart racing faster.

Lily’s hand wrapped around my wrist softly, getting my attention back to her “(Y/N) this mission wasn’t too dangerous, they’re just rounding the last death eaters, and the death eaters that were of Voldemort’s lowest rank at that.”

“They’ve been gone for too long, I just miss him.”

Remus laughed quietly as he pressed his hand to my stomach, “I think she’s taking a toll on you as well because they’ve been gone for much much longer.”

I huffed quietly, which only made them all laugh. Both Harry and Neville made their way and began patting my stomach as they talked amongst each other.

Time passed by and before we knew it the door opened quickly and the former schoolmates walked in, only looking a bit scruffy and slightly more disheveled than usual.

Sirius bid hello to everyone before quickly making his way to me, his lips pressing to mine in a searing kiss. “How have my two favorite girls been?”

“We are never letting you leave again.”

The night continued with occasional kisses and Sirius’ hand permanently rubbing circles along my stomach.

taglist : @siriusoricns @moonlitdiggory @snarledblack @dyngflwrs @siriusement @snufflesblack @writingblot @blackslotus

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brazil-also-loves-rwby · 5 years

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To move on 1 - RWBY FANFIC

Hello everyone. This is my fanfic Para Seguir Em Frente. I translated it because I received many visits from countries with English language. MY ENGLISH IS BAD AND YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! Please comment.

PS: This fanfic should be just an Oneshot, so it's slowly developing in my mind. Please be patient. Suggestions are always welcome. Originaly posted here https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13256016/1/To-move-on

Oscar took a deep breath and dismounted from the horse that had brought him a good part of the way back home. It was strange to be back after so long. Everything seemed exactly the same and at the same time different. The fields, the barn, and even the house seemed smaller than he remembered. Maybe because he was so taller now. Maybe because he had seen that the world was so much bigger than this little piece of land. Nostalgia hit him hard in the chest, fueling his nervousness. Suddenly, he felt the same 14-year-old boy as he had been years ago, afraid of being scolded by his aunt for a slip.

'Fortunately I'm not a boy anymore.' Oscar said to himself mentally and for a fraction of a second he found himself waiting for an answer that would not come. His sweaty palms thwarted his claim, so Oscar wiped them on the sturdy fabric of his combat pants before knocking on the door. He could hear a painfully familiar female voice respond in the background and hurried footsteps approaching. Oscar had time just to draw one last breath of courage before the door opened in front of him.

His aunt stared straight into his chest, seeming to be expecting someone lower, so he saw all the emotions in her face as she looked up to find his face. Confusion. Recognition. Relief. Joy and finally, fury. His aura was active before her fists met his chest for the first time, out of pure instinct, but he did not do anything else to stop the blows from continuing to strike him.

- OSCAR PINE! HOW DO YOU DARE TO APPEAR HERE, LIKE NOTHING HAD EVER HAPPENED, AFTER YOU ALMOST GAVE ME A HEART ATTACK, RUNNING AWAY FROM HOME WITHOUT LEAVING NO MORE THAN ONE LITTLE NOTE, FOR YEARS ?! YEARS OSCAR ?!

She screamed and punched his chest, tears tearing at her words until finally consuming them in a continuous cry. Soon, the hands that had beaten him now clung to the fabric of his shirt as if he would disappear if she let him go. Oscar wrapped his arms around her and held her tight, feeling his own tears escape his eyes. He held her close to him for a long time, until the sobbing stopped. Slowly, breathing still half trembling, she moved away to look him in the eye.

- You're going to tell me everything that happened. - She tried to look angry, to no avail. She looked just tired and relieved that he was there.

- Yes ma'am. Oscar agreed with a smile.

They went in and Oscar made tea. They both remained silent, assimilating each other's presence, until they sat facing each other on the kitchen table, their full mugs in hand.

- Why did you run away without saying anything? She spoke first. His voice was low and controlled now, but Oscar felt the resentment and sadness in each word.

- I ... I was afraid that, if I told you, I would convince the two of us that I was going crazy. At worst I would rid you of the responsibility of raising an insane orphan.

-And why in the name of the gods would you be mad? - Oscar gulped, staring at his own reflection of the tea for a long moment.

- Because I was listening to the voice of a man in my head, insisting that he was a millenarian mage destined to reincarnate in the body of a person with a similar soul until the world was ready to receive the judgment of the gods. - He looked up to meet his aunt's shocked expression.

- Was about you that the gods were speaking on the 'Return Day'? About the young boy with two souls? - Oscar nodded and his aunt just stared at him for a long time, absorbing the absurdity of the situation. Taking a deep breath, she took a long sip of her tea and continued. - Tell me everything. When it started?

- Shortly after the fall of Beacon, when the last incarnation of Ozma, Ozpin, passed away. Ozma spent months convincing me that I was not going crazy. - Oscar took a sip of tea, trying to wash away the bitterness of the difficult memories that would follow. - Telling me we had little time and Salem, the witch who controlled the grimms, had already destroyed Beacon and Haven was their next target. I almost lost my mind, but ... He shared his memories with me. Things I could never know, but they were true. And, like I said, if I was right, I had no choice but to help save the world. If I were wrong ... You would be rid of the burden of dealing with a madman.

- But ... You left with nothing! Any money! For months I thought you starved, alone in the cold! - She sighed, calming down. - That, of course, until the first check came. - She frowned. - You disappear for months and suddenly I'm getting liens with no information other than 'Oscar' on the paychecks. If I had not known better, I would have thought you'd fallen for the mafia. - Oscar laughed lightly.

- I left without money because I could not force myself to steal from you. I was leaving you to take care of this entire farm alone. I had no idea if you could do it or not. So I just got all the food I could and left. - He sighed. - When I finally met Qrow and the other hunters, Qrow gave me access to Ozpin's bills and cards. I asked Ozpin if I could send some money home, so we scheduled a monthly deposit on your behalf.

- You went to a group of hunters?

- Well, with the exception of Qrow, none of them had graduate from the academy. But they were all capable and determined fighters. You see...

Oscar calmly explained the events that led to the fall of Beacon, his way to Haven, and then to Atlas. He sometimes paused stoped in the middle of the description of the battles, or before the revelations of Ozma, to calm his aunt. She listened to everything, bashful.

- There were many other battles. We had to ensure the safety of the relics and, with Raven's death, Ruby became the new Spring Maiden.

- Wait. - She asked, more than an hour later, as she rubbed her temples to ward off a headache. - You did not say that power passed to...

- The last person she was thinking of, if she was a young woman. Yes. Ruby was able to persuade Raven to trust her enough for this, in her last moments.

- But from what you said, the woman hated the that girl.

- I ... I do not think that was the case. There were family issues and strong ties involved.

- I see... So Ruby became the Spring Maiden, and...

- In short, among Salem's many attacks and schemes, we end up with the entire RWBY team as maidens. We put Cynder on a huge machine to transfer her powers to Blake, who was injured and could no longer fight. Magic was the only thing that gave her strength to survive. We thought we'd lost her that day...

The woman reached across the table and took one of the nephew's hands in a gesture of comfort. He smiled at her and continued.

- Later, we lost both Winter and Summer Maiden in the same incident. It was a surprise and devastating attack. - He squeezed her aunt's hand in return. - We never got a chance to make a plan if one of the ladies died. Apparently they decided to keep the girls in their final thoughts. The sudden magic they received that day saved our lives.

- For how many horrible experiences you went trought, Oscar? I listened on the radio, day after day, to the news of disasters and attacks, while you were out there living it all...

- I did not experience anything compared to Ozma, aunt. He lived years in bodies that were not his, fighting an impossible fight, watching people die in vain. I still vividly remember his feelings when Ruby finally defeated Salem in the 'Final War'. It's been a month, has not it? It took me a long time to get here, with the chaos that the world is now. It still seems like yesterday.

- How did she do that? Defeated the witch, I mean.

- With her silver eyes. - Oscar's voice became almost reverent, still amazed at her friend's courage. - We covered her guard, we cleared the way and she literally grabbed Salem by the face, forcing her to meet hes eyes, and fired the energy of the light against her. Everything that was grimm inside Salem was gone. All hatred and all madness, leaving only one woman who lived too long behind.

- So she learned the value of death?

- She had known it for a long time, but the poison of the grimms was too much for her mind. As much as she had her memories and intelligence, she only wanted destruction like any other grimm. Without it, she was able to think clearly and bear the burden of her thousands of sins. With that, the curse broke.

- And the gods?

- As I said, we have assembled an army with warriors, soldiers, and hunters from all kingdoms against Salem. As we used all the relics against it, it was a consensus that humanity was as united as possible at this time. So we risk our luck and call on the gods.

- I remember ... - The woman shuddered, remembering the moment. - I was hiding in the basement of the town hall, along with the others, when it happened. Suddenly we were all in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by thousands of people, in front of the gods. It was terrifying to see those dragons above us.

- Yes. We were just below them. But luckily, we were considered worthy of a second chance. Salem was finally awarded with her final rest, just like Ozma.

- What happened to him, exactly? He ... Is not with you any more? - Oscar shook his head.

- No. The God of Light gave him the opportunity to live one last life in Remnant, but he refused. He said that, unlike many past lives, I was my own person and we never really merged together. So he... He just walked away of me. I felt him leave my mind and materialize in front of me. Can you imagine what it is like to live intertwined with someone for years and never have really looked into their eyes?

His aunt said nothing, letting him get lost in his memories.

- He left to the afterlife, like Salem. Even so, part of him never left me. I have his memories, the accumulated knowledge of lives and, well, some of his mannerisms as well. - He laughed awkwardly, gesturing at how he sat in the chair, straight, confident, and elegant. - The rest you and the rest of the world witnessed, the announcement of the return of the gods. - Aunt Pine nodded and continued, moistening her lips.

- The Dark Brother... - She murmured the god's title with fearful reverence. - He ... He said he gave us our gift once more. The magic.

- Yes. - Oscar held both hands forward and let little shiny balls dangle in his palms. - We all have magic now. You can do it, too. Some people, of course, will discover greater aptitude for different uses of magic in the future. And that's why I'm on my way to Vale.

- Valley? Why?

- The team RWBY has had some experience with magic, but I'm the only person who really has knowledge on the subject. So I will be teaching teachers, so this knowledge can be passed on to all realms. So... Maybe you... Would like to move in with me? I'm going to receive a generous salary. - I could say 'absurd' instead, Oscar thought mentally. - I can buy a beautiful house in the city or a cottage by the woods. Anywhere you feel most at ease...

Aunt May looked at her nephew for a long moment. He really had changed. He was tall and strong, hardened by many battles in such a young body. He spoke with confidence of a person with years of experience. But now, asking for her company so timidly, she saw clearly the 19-year-old nephew he still was. He was afraid she would reject him, after all. Her eyes filled with tears once more.

- Foolish boy. Of course I will go with you. I've already lost you once and I will not let you out of my sight again so soon.

She got up to hug him and he found her halfway around the table, receiving her with open arms.

The next morning, while Oscar was still asleep, she set up a modest altar for the gods. Lighting a candle for each of them, she clasped her hands and thanked them for their mercy, and prayed that her life would be long enough to see the faces of her grandchildren. She and Oscar never admitted to each other but, in their hearts, they were mother and son.

#rwby #oscar pine #ozpin #ruby rose #fanfic #rosegarden

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loghainmactir · 5 years

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On Mages, Anders and Trench: A Comparison/Breakdown (1/5)

Lemme preface this by saying I honestly don’t know what I’m saying at any point ever, so this might be a huge waste of both of our times. But hi! Welcome to part one of Alister’s Incredibly Unnecessary and Lengthy Breakdown of twenty one pilots’ Album Trench in Relation to Anders and the Mage Rebellion.

I’ve been thinking about this at least a month now, but I finally kicked myself into gear when I saw drellvhen’s solavellan/Africa breakdown (link), so thank you so much for the inspiration lmao.

Parts of this, of course, won’t match up timeline/context wise (Trench seems to be more of a “modern” story and explicitly mentions the band/relationships/their fans, after all lmao), so some of it’ll need a little bit of flexibility when imagining what I’m trying to say; just bear with me. Often, it’ll also be very, very literal. I’m not good with metaphors, lmao.

This’ll also be long, because I love Dragon Age and twenty one pilots a LOT, so grab some water, a snack maybe, and let’s get started with a brief explanation of Trench!

Trench is twenty one pilots’ fifth studio album; it’s a concept album exploring mental health, suicide and doubt (themes featured heavily in their other albums, too), and it’s set partially in the fictional city of Dema and partially in the valley that surrounds it—“Trench”, which the album’s named after.

Now, some background on Dema; it was inspired/based on a concept within Zoroastrianism. The “Tower of Silence” (which is what Dema literally means) is a place to dispose of dead bodies by having vultures eat at the corpses; they were inspired by the “sad and intriguing concept of a dying religion”. Vultures and religion are two big themes within Dema, and they actually play similar roles within the “story”.

The album’s Dema is ruled by nine “bishops”, headed by an entity called Nicolas Bourbaki (which, in real life, is a group of [largely] French mathematicians– no, I don’t know why Tyler decided to name him after the Bourbaki group, and I’d hesitate to say we might never know properly).

Nicolas (who we’ll call Nico for short) is known by another name in this world: Blurryface. He is, in fact, the very same Blurryface from their 2015 album (of the same name)– for context, Blurryface is a character who personifies Tyler’s insecurities, anxieties and depression. There’s nine other bishops, as well, but they’re not as relevant– at least here, where we’ll largely be focusing on Nico/Blurry.

The bishops use the vultures as “protection” within Dema; they (as far as I can tell) act as watchdogs (birds?) for the bishops, telling them who’s trying to escape. The bishops then retrieve them, and they “smear” them– kinda irrelevant to our comparison, here. Those who HAVE successfully escaped are known as Banditos; they wear yellow, and they try to liberate others within Dema.

Dema and Trench is all a metaphor, of course, for a place where you’re knees-deep in mental illness (Dema), and the in-between where you have control (Trench), but there’s always that risk of being dragged (in Tyler’s character’s case, literally!) back to shit creek. Banditos are a metaphor for people who’ve been there, done that (so to speak, anyway), or people close to Josh and Tyler.

Now, just reading this, there’s immediately a few REALLY apparent comparisons you can draw:

Dema can be compared to the Circles in the sense that they’re both incredibly oppressive places framed as a safety net (we learnt this about Dema through the introductory character, Clancy, pre-album release; he “wrote” letters with these details in them). People want to, try to, and fail and succeed at escaping them. They’re also huge depressing towers:

(That’s Dema. Gives off some sad, grey Kirkwall vibes, right?)

The bishops and the vultures can be compared to the Templars and the Chantry: watching for escapees, rebels, trying to catch them and taking them back. That’s pretty self explanatory.

Banditos, then, are the mages, the mage rebellion and Anders (and blood mages too). They’re trapped in the Circle, and while a good many of them are fine with (or are too scared/worried to do otherwise?) remaining in the Circle, the mage rebellion are the ones trying to liberate the rest of their people from oppression.

Trench is Kirkwall in relation to the mage rebellion; the no man’s land where the mages are free and in control once out of the Circle, but ever in danger of being caught by the Templars.

Really, it’s super interesting when you dig deep into it; I wonder if Tyler’s ever played Dragon Age 2. I doubt it (though it’s always possible), but it’s bizarre how you can compare the main locations and factions even at a base explanation level.

Either way, we’ve finished the introductions and the who’s who in this comparison; now for breaking down the lyrics and putting my thoughts to them. For reference, I probably won’t be doing all songs/every lyric ever– there are some, obviously, I can’t draw comparisons to (partially because we don’t get enough info on Anders’ mage rebellion, and partially because… there’s no link, lmao), so I’ll be leaving some out.

This’ll be organized by track: each song has a title to point out where each begins. I’ll also put links for each song in case you want to listen along!

So, without further ado, we begin with:

Renegade Coat, Cover Me!

Jumpsuit is our very first song (link here) on the album; it was the first single for Trench, and the music video was the first time we ever saw Nico, the Banditos, and how Nico’s influence works (and subsequently how the Banditos can save people).

It’s also the first song that made me think of Anders: Tyler’s yellow and green jumpsuit vs Anders’ renegade coat is a really neat comparison! This’ll be a short one, because the lyrics are pretty straightforward and can be taken really literally.

I can’t believe how much I hate Pressures of a new place roll my way Jumpsuit, jumpsuit, cover me

We begin Jumpsuit with an Anders who has just arrived in Kirkwall; he’s looking for Karl, Justice has become Vengeance, and he is so, so full of this brand new anger. “Pressures of a new place roll my way” is easily seen as the fact that Kirkwall is full of Templars and blood mages, even so early on in the game; it’s swarming with them. It’s a brand new place, he’s surrounded by Templars and doesn’t want to be found by the Wardens. The pressure is on him to hide and stay low.

I crumble underneath the weight, Pressures of a new place roll my way

Really simple: Anders finds himself crumbling underneath the “weight” of the Templars’ oppression in Kirkwall, under the injustices done to the people there.

Spirits in my room, friend or foe? Felt it in my youth, feel it when I’m old, Jumpsuit, jumpsuit, cover me, Dustin’ off my-- jumpsuit (cover me, oh!)

Here, the ‘room’ is Anders’ head/body. Anders has only just merged with Justice, and now suddenly he’s Vengeance: is Vengeance a friend? Or is Vengeance a foe? ‘Felt it in my youth, feel it when I’m old’ can be taken as lyric that’s almost looking to the future: Anders is young, in his late twenties/early thirties, but Vengeance is going to be there presumably forever. He’ll feel it, then, when he’s young.

As for “dustin’ off my jumpsuit”, I’m imagining an Anders who comes to Kirkwall in clothes that aren’t his own: his Renegade Coat is kind of, erm... well, it’s got fucking feathers on the shoulders, c’mon. “Dustin’ off my jumpsuit” can be seen as Anders and Vengeance deciding that Kirkwall’s injustices cannot be ignored: he’s putting on his Renegade’s Coat, he’s going to help.

I’ll be right there But you’ll have to grab my throat and lift me in the air If you need anyone I’ll stop my plans (I’ll stop my plans) But you’ll have to tie me down and then break both my hands If you need anyone

Now, this (to me) is the most interesting thing to compare to Anders: it would be referencing both Awakenings Anders and Dragon Age 2 Anders and his reactions to the mages’ treatments. “But you’ll have to grab my throat and lift me in the air/If you need anyone”: this reminds me of Anders and Justice’s conversation in Awakenings:

J: Why do you not strike a blow against your oppressors? Ensure they can do this to no one else? A: Because it sounds difficult? J: Apathy is a weakness. A: So is death. I'm just saying.

It also counts for the dialogue after it, when Justice says Anders has ‘an obligation’: Anders, in a way, is forced into acting through Vengeance. He needed someone to force him into action in Awakenings, so to speak. Anders in DA2, however, is the EXACT opposite: to stop Anders from acting out against the Circles/Chantry/Templars, you’d NEED to tie him down and break both his hands. He’ll fight against them until he can no longer.

You could even go so far as to compare the song’s slow rise from soft and sung to loud and screamed to Anders’ fury, too. The rest of the song repeats from here on out, so now we have....

Danger In The Fabric Of This Thing I’ve Made

Levitate! Levitate (link) is a short track, and there’s no singing in this; just rapping. I don’t actually know if they’ve got another song like this-- they tend to have a mix of both. It’s also the song that I LOVE in relation to Anders and the mage underground: it is SO, so fitting it’s almost scary. The video is actually the third and final story in the music video’s orders, and shows the Banditos escaping with Tyler, and finally jammin’ out at the Bandito camp (and then the end, lmao, which Happens).

Oh, I know how to levitate up off my feet And ever since the seventh grade I learned to fire-breathe And though I feed on things that fell You can learn to levitate with just a little help Learn to levitate with just a little help

Like we were with Jumpsuit, we’ll take this literally and metaphorically: Anders learnt magic at a young age, but he also began to his escape attempts almost immediately; he was brought back to the Circle at twelve years old, and he had his first escape attempt six months later. How old are seventh graders? 12-13 years old (this actually wasn’t something I realized until literally just now and it’s weird how well this song aligns with Anders, honestly).

If learning to ‘levitate’ and ‘fire breathe’ is learning to resist and defy the Circle, Templars and the Chantry, ‘Though I feed on things that fell’ refers to Anders and Vengeance growing angrier and angrier with every mage that can’t escape (through death, tranquility, or other general fuckery, honestly). This is also a partial cry to mages who are maybe unsure of whether or not a rebellion is the right choice, or if they can: Anders and the rest of the apostates are “just a little help”.

Come down, come down, Cowards only come through when the hour’s late And everyone’s asleep, mind you Now show up, show up I know I shouldn’t say this But a curse from you is all that I would need right now, man

Just as the chorus is a callout to other mages, this verse in particular would be directed at Templars. It’s well documented that Templars abuse mages, both outwardly and in secret; “Cowards only come through when the hour’s late and everyone’s asleep, mind you” can refer to this abuse happening behind closed doors (and therefore takes on an incredibly sinister undertone), but it can also refer to the Harrowing.

While the Harrowing can come at any time, the one time we do specifically see the Harrowing, it’s in the middle of the night: you wake up the next morning with Jowan worrying about you. The Harrowing is also when mages can be made Tranquil; therefore, it could be saying that they only come through when the mage is defenseless and alone.

But it could also be referring to the other mages/mage sympathisers: Anders feels as if they aren’t doing enough to progress their liberation from the Circles, and he’s calling them cowards for only working to free people through the night when Templars might be otherwise busy or whenever they’re not working.

Hooking back to the Templar callout, ‘a curse from you is all that I would need right now, man’ is another fairly self explanatory line: Anders doesn’t need much to be pushed into his big, final plan. At this point, with the repetition, it’s almost like he’s asking for them to ‘curse’ him-- for the templars to do something that’ll tip him over the edge, if you will.

Danger in the fabric of this thing I made I probably shouldn’t show you, but it’s way too late My heart is with you hiding, but my mind’s not made Now they know it like we both knew for some time I’d say

This is my absolute favourite line in this song with reference to Anders. I think it sums up his and Hawke’s relationship (whether romantic, friendly or otherwise) REALLY well. While Anders didn’t start the mage rebellion, not by a long shot, he IS one of the catalysts for the Mage/Templar war; Anders knows this. The whole ending of DA2 relies on the fact that Anders is scared and doesn’t want to tell Hawke about his plans. But “it’s way too late”-- he’s already set these plans into motion at the start of Act 3.

“My heart is with you hiding, but my mind’s not made” refers to this idea, again, the idea that Anders is completely behind Hawke, completely willing to along with their own personal goals, but he’s not sure of how they’d react, what they’d think. His mind’s not made on whether or not to include them in his plans. HOWEVER, “now they know it like we both knew for some time I’d say” refers to the fact that Anders’ anger/willingness to skirt around direct action has clearly begun to rapidly disintegrate by the time Act 3 comes around.

There is no way Hawke doesn’t suspect something’s up, and anyone who knows Anders knows he’s going to do something. Here, “they” could refer to anyone, but it makes the most sense when referring to Hawke’s companions. Almost everyone in the group makes a comment on Anders’ state. They all knew it was going where it winds up.

They’re smirkin’ at fresh blood, they’re circling above But this is not enough, yeah, this is not what you thought No, no, we are not just graffiti on a passin’ train

This is in reference to Dema’s vultures and bishops: they’re waiting for the Banditos (and Tyler) to slip up. Here, it’s about the Chantry, Templars and the mage rebellion: it’s about how Templars are everywhere in Kirkwall, how they’re under the belief that the mage rebellion can be crushed and the mages can continue to be controlled. But the rebellion is not a passing phase, not just something minor that can be brushed over.

Now, I know what you’re saying: “Alister, there are no trains in Dragon Age. Duh. Shut up.” To which I say: you’re absolutely correct, and I’d love to shut up, but I’m physically incapable of doing so! However, imagine with me for a second: mages leaving signs and graffiti around Kirkwall to tell others of their presence, and as soon as one is erased, more is put up in it’s place. Little signs and messages of the mage rebellion. Rad, right?

This culture is a poacher of overexposure, not today Don’t feed me to the vultures, I am a vulture who feeds on pain

These lines play on the idea that things come and go within our culture really, really quickly; when comparing it to Templars and Mages, you can absolutely say that this is referencing the culture within the Circle (made by Templars, mind you) that encourages very little exposure to the outside world. Templars crush and reject any idea or desire to leave the Circle or to have their own autonomy; they’re the poachers of overexposure to the outside world.

“Don’t feed me to the vultures, I am a vulture who feeds on pain” is a REALLY interesting line re: Dema and the character in this song, but it’s pretty straightforward to Anders and actually loops back to “And though I feed on things that fell”-- Anders, here, is asking those he knows to keep him hidden in darktown/Hawke’s estate, and he’s, again, someone who’s anger and sense of “I need to do something” is fuelled by the pain of other mages.

Sleep in a well-lit room, don’t let the shadow through And sever all I knew, yeah, sever all I thought I could depend on my weekends On the freezing ground that I’m sleeping on Please, keep me from, please keep me down from the ledges Better test it, wooden wedges under doorways, Keep your wooden wedges under doors

This bit is a little harder to relate to Anders. It could absolutely be thought of as him referencing pre-Kirkwall, but post-Awakenings days; it could be a reference to sleeping, literally, on freezing ground (and sleeping on the streets before he gets his clinic) while he struggles to understand what Vengeance has become and dealing with dark thoughts as a part of that.

‘Sleep in a well-lit room, don’t let the shadow through’ could be along a similar line to “cowards only come through(...)”; Anders is saying that to keep the Templars out, to keep them safe, mages use “wooden wedges” as unreliable, low-effort ways to keep free mages safe.

The implication of it then, especially with the repetition of the chorus at the end of the song, is that the mages need to take a different approach to keep themselves safe-- not just use ‘wooden wedges’. Especially when you take the video’s end into account, you could totally draw that comparison; Tyler gets taken by Nico, and similarly, many escaped mages get caught and found as Dragon Age 2 progresses. The rest of Levitate is fairly straightforward and it’s more difficult to include Anders in it; it deals with Tyler’s insecurities re: creating something new and original.

If you’ve reached this part of the post, first thing’s first: thank you so much! You’re an absolute champion. This really is just the most self-indulgent piece of ‘meta’ ever, honestly, lmao.

Part 2 will hopefully come soon, and it’ll deal with the next two tracks on Trench, Morph and My Blood!

#dragon age #dragon age 2 #anders #twenty one pilots #meta #long post #my writing #hmhmmh. anyway! p1 is done i #i'm kinda tired of looking at it tbqh #ok to reblog

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fandammit · 6 years

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We made these memories for ourselves (1/?)

[A/N: One Day at a Time, Alvareider. Another WIP? Yes, don’t hate me. I’m incapable of writing anything short for these two. But on the plus side, here is the start of the Snapchat AU.]

It starts out like this:

She’s at Schneider’s apartment trying to figure out what to get Dr. Berkowitz for his birthday when he mentions off-hand how awesome Alex’s costume was for his history project.

“I know, right? Mami really -- .”

She stops, then narrows her eyes at him.

“Wait, how did you see it? She finished it up at, like, midnight before it was due and he’d already taken it off by the time he got home.” She furrows her brows. “Do you...do you have cameras installed in our house?”

He scoffs.

“How could I possibly manage to get cameras installed in your house? Your mom is always at home and according to my electrician, the wiring alone would take at least a full day.” He shakes his head. “Anyway, I saw it on Snapchat.”

“Snap what now?”

He groans.

“Snapchat.” He takes his phone out of his pocket and leans closer to her, clicks on a yellow icon with a ghost in the middle. “C’mon, Pen, you are not that old.”

“Uh, yeah Schneider, we are.”

It takes what some might consider an embarrassing amount of time to explain what Snapchat is to her.

(You know, Schneider says at one point, it finally makes sense why you only post boring quotes on Instagram. I mean, do you actually know how to take a picture on there?)

But after seeing snapchat stories from Alex and Elena, she decides she wants one, too.

“Are you gonna at least try and be more interesting on here than you are on Instagram? Otherwise what’s the point?”

She shoves him, then grabs her phone from her pocket and hands it to him.

“I’m never gonna actually use it, I just wanna see what Alex and Elena are up to.”

“Well, you also have 250 people other than your kids from your contacts list who have one. Do you wanna follow them all?”

“Seriously? 250 people? How popular is this thing?”

He sighs and shakes his head as she leans over his shoulder to scroll through the list.

“Yeah, no. I’m not really interested in seeing what cousin Orencio is up to on a daily basis.”

“Yeah, it’s mostly just him with his metal detector on the beach.” He tilts his head and grins. “Although, he did once step on a jellyfish that was still alive and ran around trying to get someone to pee on him.”

She narrows her eyes at him.

“Yeah, I’ll pass on that one.” She keeps scrolling. “Actually, I’m gonna pass on everyone except for Alex, Elena, Syd and Carmen.”

“Aaand me,” Schneider says, tapping on his own name before swiping over to the camera. “Here, let me show you how to do one thing so I can at least feel like I tried to help you be interesting on here.”

He taps a button and it switches to her front facing camera. He holds his finger down on the screen and a bunch of animations pop up at the bottom.

“What are those?”

“These,” he says as he scrolls through them quickly, “are filters.”

She watches as hearts and dancing fireballs pop up on the screen.

“Why would anyone -- .” She stops when two flower crowns suddenly pop up on top of her and Schneider’s heads. “Oooh, I look cute in that one.”

“Yeah we do,” Schneider says. “Smile!”

She does just in time for him to tap the screen.

“So now, I’m going to save this in your memories,” he says, tapping a button on the bottom of the screen. “And we’re also going to make it part of your first story.” He clicks on a blue icon, then taps on something that says my story. “And there you go! Welcome to where everyone else was five years ago, Pen.”

“Wait, why do I want either of those things?”

“What things?”

“That picture in my memories or my stories or whatever.”

“Uh, you said it yourself -- because we look cute in it.” He rolls his eyes. “Obviously.”

That’s pretty much her first and last snapchat story.

She mostly uses it to watch what Alex and Elena are up to, sometimes Syd and Carmen.

Alex’s are mostly him at baseball practice, on the way to a baseball game, sometimes just a snap of someone playing a video game with him narrating in the background. She loves him, but wow are teenage boy’s lives boring.

Elena mostly snaps about her at different marches or protests, selfies with Syd using some filter, occasionally a Netflix show that she’s into. She watches enough clips of Black Mirror to feel like she’s seen the entire season without ever sitting down to watch a single episode.

Eventually, she does add a few other people -- Lori, who she sometimes is honestly surprised is still alive; her cousin Claudia, whose life seems like a real-life telenovela; Jill, who apparently spends half her time at the dealership imitating customers who come in.

Over time, she learns two surprising things.

The first is that watching random ten second clips of people’s lives is strangely addicting. She increasingly finds herself checking Snapchat on her breaks, while she’s walking back from dropping off a client, when she’s waiting in the checkout line.

The second, infinitely more surprising thing is that Schneider is by far her favorite person to follow.

See, the thing about Schneider’s Snapchat stories is that she’s never quite sure what to expect.

Which -- honestly? Is the exact opposite of what she thought she’d get when she started following him.

“You know, your Snapchat is different than what I thought it'd be,” she says to him one night when she takes a break from studying.

He looks up from the Spanish picture book he's reading on the couch.

“What do you mean?”

She shrugs.

“I don’t know, I just kind of thought it’d just be videos of you making different kinds of quinoa or working out.”

He smirks at her.

“Well, now you know that I am a lot more sophisticated than you thought I was.”

“Uh huh,” she says wryly, drawing out the sound. “So how’re la lagartija y el sol doing?” She points at the book in his hands.

“Pretty good! I think I’m getting it.” He squints at the page. “Although I’m not really sure why a lizard would be in an arena.”

She purses her lips.

“It probably wouldn’t -- but it might be in the sand?”

He looks at her, the book, then rifles through a set of flashcards next to him.

“Ooooooooh.”

Schneider does actually have more than a few snaps that involve him making different types of quinoa, and he does have a lot of him with his adult kickball league, his adult softball league, his adult dodgeball league.

“Seriously,” she says one night after work, “I didn’t even know they had dodgeball leagues. I thought that was just, like, in the movies.”

He sighs heavily.

“It’s a real stigma against the sport. We’re really trying to have people take us seriously.”

“Hm.” She points to his shirt. “And a t-shirt that says Who Let the Dodge Out? is your plan to do that?”

She never really answers his question about what makes his snapchat so surprising. Partly because he wanted to read La Lagartija y el Sol out loud to her so she could help him with his pronunciation, but also partly because she meant what she said at the time -- she didn’t really know what to expect.

Because yes, he does have what she’d describe as Schneider at his most Schneider: endless snaps of his seahorses, hikes at sunrise while he narrates, trips to overpriced restaurants, shopping excursions to buy another half dozen graphic tees that are probably absurdly expensive.

(He’s also really into snapping pictures of clouds that he thinks look like people. They almost never do.)

But what she also finds out is this: Schneider spends a lot of time hanging out with other people in their building.

“Did you know that Schneider hangs out with a bunch of people in our building, not just us?” She asks one night at dinner when Schneider is out at a dodgeball tournament.

Elena nods.

“Yeah, he watches Wheel of Fortune with the Ryders in 407, does macrame with Mrs. Watson in 306, plays ping pong with Mr. Jackson in 204 -- and that’s just on Thursdays.”

“He does basketball drills every Wednesday afternoon with the Lewis twins from 104 until their mom comes home,” Alex says, his mouth half full of rice. “He used to play with them, but then he dislocated his arm one time trying to dunk, so now he just helps run drills.”

“Ah, si,” her mother adds, “and he makes lunch with that vieja in 503 every Sunday.”

“Mami, Mrs. Verver is only a year older than you.”

“But she looks twenty years older than me.” She pats her cheek on other side. “That is why it is better to be Cuban.”

“So apparently everyone but me knew that you hang out with a bunch of the tenants here,” she says one afternoon after lunch.

Her mami is taking a nap, Alex is with friends and Elena is skyping Carmen in her room, so it’s just her and Schneider polishing off a tray of pastelitos.

“What, did you think I just spent time all my time with your family?”

She takes a bite of a pastelito and shrugs.

“Yeah, kinda.”

“Well, I can’t deprive the rest of the building of my charms, you know.” She rolls her eyes at him. “I do a lot of work everyday, Penelope.”

She nods.

“You know, surprisingly I don’t even want to argue with you about that.” She raises an eyebrow at him. “Although I wouldn’t call getting your ass kicked in chess by Mr. Roth every Tuesday and Thursday work.”

He huffs and shakes his head.

“That man is ruthless.”

“That man is seventy years old.”

He scoffs.

“If I’ve learned anything from father, it’s that seventy year olds are the most ruthless.” He picks up the empty dish from the table and walks over to the kitchen sink. “Anyway, I’ve always been more of a checkers guy myself.”

She follows him over to the kitchen, leans against the counter as he starts washing off the dish.

“I think it’s really cool, Schneider -- you spending time with people who are mostly alone.”

He adjusts his glasses, then glances over at her.

“Yeah, well, you know. I don’t want anyone to feel like I did growing up.”

She furrows her brows at him.

“What do you mean?”

He shrugs.

“All alone even when you’re surrounded by a building full of people.” He clears his throat. “Plus, I read this article that said that loneliness can be deadly for old people, so basically every time I’m spending time with Mrs. Watson or Mrs. Verver or Mr. Roth, I’m pretty much saving their lives.”

She nods slowly.

“So basically every time Mr. Roth kicks your ass in chess, you’re actually doing him a favor by saving his life?

“Yeah, exactly!”

She looks at him and tilts her head.

“So, is that how you make yourself feel better every time he beats you?”

“Yes.

“Does it work?”

“Sometimes.”

#schneider x penelope #penelope x schneider #one day at a time #penelope alvarez #schneider #my fic: alvareider

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avadaniels · 6 years

Text

don’t be shy // craquaria

title: don’t be shy

pairing: miz cracker x aquaria

words: 7 096

tags: Youtuber AU, cis women au, Miz Cracker's name is Brianna, Brianna is 29, Aquaria is 24, Smut, brianna tops aquaria bottoms, brianna keeps her nails nice and short

ao3

Aquaria is shy. Brianna is apologetic.

"You should do a collab with AgeOfAquaria," Brianna Ackerman read, looking at the camera. The video cut to her laughing, and then to her saying, "What the fuck would I do with Aquaria?"

"Hello everybody! It's Brianna Cracker and it's time for this week's Revieeew with a Jew! Reviewing everything from film to foundation. As you know I never stop talking about the importance of mental health, so today I'm going to be reviewing a new musical on Broadway, Dear Evan Hansen!" She was over halfway through shooting episode #33 of Review with a Jew when the call came in.

"And that brings us to a very important factor in Evan's problems: Heidi. Heidi Hansen is a great mom. You can't deny that. But some of the things that make her great seem to make Evan's problems worse. Or at least, that's what Evan—"

Bzzzz! Bzzzz!

Leaving the camera rolling, Brianna looked down at her phone where it lay on the bookshelf behind her. She was surprised when she read the name on the caller ID. Trixie Mattel was the most popular YouTuber that Brianna had ever met, and the surprise she had felt when Trixie had asked for her phone number returned now, as Trixie actually contacted her for the first time.

Most of Brianna Cracker's YouTube channel happened because she had an idea and thought, "My fans would love this." So Brianna made a face and lifted her phone up in front of the camera.

"This is the life, girl," She said, making sure the camera had focused on the tiny screen before answering it. "Hello?"

"Hey girl, how are you doing? " Trixie said over the phone.

Brianna couldn't help but a laugh a little as she replied, "Oh my goodness, I'm doing good. How are you?"

"I'm good, thank you ," She said, graciously, with the sounds of the streets of New York City playing in the background. She was visiting from L.A., and apparently was having no trouble navigating the streets in her white patent leather pumps. "I just wanted to check in about the party tonight. I invited a few more people. "

When she paused, Brianna said, "Okay," unsure if she was looking for her approval. It was Trixie's party, basically, having started as a dumb idea she'd mentioned to Bob only a couple days ago. Until now, the guest list had been their small clique of New York Youtubers, and Trixie.

"New York people, you know ," Trixie went on to explain, "Sasha, Pearl, Aquaria. Anyways, I have a food emergency, and Monet say you were the girl to call. TIME FOR DINNERRRR! " Trixie yelled, making Brianna's heart seize for a moment as Trixie's shout dissolved into intense laughter.

Brianna heard herself laugh along, way too starstruck at this point—with Trixie Mattel quoting her jokes candidly—to really process what was happening.

"So, are there any good vegan grocery stores near Bedford and Avenue? "

Throwing a tense look at the camera, Brianna said, "Um, can I call you back in just a little bit? Because I am smack-dab in the middle of shooting Review with a Jew."

"Oh! " Trixie said, and laughed again. "Totally, girl. Hey, you should review those awful jelly shoes Katya loves. "

"Oh my god, I should," Brianna said automatically, idly wondering if Katya had been added to the guest list at this point, or if Trixie was just missing her best friend while she took some time off from YouTube.

"Okay. Call me back. See you ."

"Bye."

Brianna just looked at the camera as the line went dead, eventually tossing her phone back on the shelf. She gave a big sigh, knowing there was a million things to think about there, but unable to pull her mind away from finishing the video. "Heidi!" She announced. "Some of the things that make Heidi great seem to make Evan's problems worse."

Brianna Ackerman knew parties at Bob's apartment. She knew the front door opened to a huge open concept room, with 30th floor floor-to-ceiling windows wrapping around two sides of the kitchen-living-dining room. She knew the vegan food from a bakery Brianna had texted to Trixie would be spread haphazardly over the 10-person glass dining table, and a cheap bartender would be leaning over the breakfast bar, convincing everyone they wanted vodka-crans because he didn't want to go back into the fridge. Bob's four bedrooms would be securely locked, so as to protect the thousands of dollars of wigs, clothes, and camera equipment that had financed her success.

She knew what the elevator would sound like when she arrived at the right floor, though she didn't listen to it. Her thoughts were caught up in all the reasons why Bob and Brianna's clique of New York Youtubers didn't normally hang out with the likes of Sasha, Pearl, and Aquaria—people who’s content focused more on aesthetics than authenticity.

She did not know, however, just what tonight's party had in store for her.

Pushing into the apartment, the music was twice as loud as it normally was, and the dance floor—the entire room—was twice as full. People were screaming and jumping up and down. Bob was next to the mountain of food that was the dining table, halfway through chugging a bottle of clear liquid. When she saw Brianna come in, she didn't stop drinking, but her eyebrows shot up and she danced around a little to show her approval. Brianna made a beeline for her friend.

"That bad, huh?" Brianna said lowly, as Bob finished off the bottle and let out a loud ahhhh .

"I fucking hate all this, fucking, vegan food," She complained, picking up boxes and tossing them around the table. Then, Bob looked out into the crowd and screamed, "FUCK YOU TRIXIE MATTEL!"

When Brianna looked, she realized Bob had been talking directly to Trixie. Trixie didn't seem to care; when she locked eyes with Brianna she smiled brightly and started pushing through the crowd.

"I'm gonna draw stuff on Shae's face," Bob announced, shaking Brianna's shoulder. Brianna didn't know who Shea was. Bob just flipped Trixie off as she approached and disappeared into the fray.

"Cracker!" Trixie shrieked, pulling her into a hug.

"Hey!" Brianna returned, accepting the fruity, pink embrace of the most famous person she knew. When they broke apart Bri gushed, "Great party!"

Trixie tutted. "I didn't lift a finger.”

"You lifted your heels, though, and that's ten times harder," Brianna said, feigning pity.

Trixie threw her head back and scream-laughed.

Brianna chuckled along, feeling good. Maybe she could stand the beauty vloggers for a little while longer if Trixie kept laughing at her jokes.

Once Trixie fell out of her laugh she gasped, and reached ten long nails into Brianna's hair. "Oh my god, loooove," She said.

It was the same style she'd been wearing when she'd met Trixie, but that was months ago now and Brianna was sure Trixie was quite drunk. Straight, her golden blonde hair hung halfway down her back, but in the huge wavy curls Brianna could tease into it, the tips didn't reach the top of her tiny breasts. Trixie traced the big curl crowning Brianna's forehead, and she laughed.

Trixie had way less hair than Brianna, and today it was only in soft waves, with a flower crown circling her brow. "You have to come to L.A. soon so we can talk hair," She pleaded, but her attention was momentarily pulled away as someone called for her. "And bring some of those vegan donuts!"

And Trixie was gone.

Not sure how serious she was, Brianna tried not to dwell on the request too much and looked for Monet. She found Monet, Honey, and LeeLee in a quiet corner. They drank together, complained, and caught up. Lee Lee had just hit 1 million subs.

Eventually Brianna got bored of trying to ignore the crowd of beautiful people in shiny clothes dancing. She wanted a cigarette. She headed for the balcony.

Pearl was out there smoking a joint, and someone else was there too, but Brianna couldn't tell who. She stuck her head out into the cool night. "How long are you going to be?"

Pearl just flicked the joint onto the ground, putting it out with a heel. She stood, the long skirt of her dress swishing around her. Her eyes drooped, but Brianna thought she saw Pearl smirk a little as she pushed back inside. Brianna stepped out and pulled the balcony door shut behind her. The other person looked over.

Shit .

It was Aquaria. AgeOfAquaria Aquaria Needles. More subscribers than Miz Cracker Aquaria.

Brianna was frozen, but Aquaria's red lips turned into a small smile. "Hi," She said, waving as well.

I can't go back. And I have to get out of this weed smell , Brianna decided and took a couple tentative steps towards where Aquaria was leaning against the railing.

"I'm Aquaria. You read me in your video last week," She said.

Can't go back now , Brianna thought, not stopping until she was at Aquaria's side. She hadn't even known if Aquaria had seen Brianna publicly denouncing a collaboration between them, though after hundreds of angry comments on the video and a half-hearted tweet on Brianna's half, she guessed the drama had gotten back to the girl she may have been trying to insult just a little.

Aquaria just looked out at the city, black ponytail swishing around behind her. "Or tried to, at least."

Okay, rude . "I'm really sorry," Brianna said, jumping right in, "I just meant, like, our channels are so different, you know?"

"If you're implying that I wouldn't paint myself pink if my fans wanted me to...you're right," She admitted.

Brianna could tell it was still supposed to be a dig at her, but Aquaria was smiling so she did too. Aquaria raised her drink. Brianna fished a pack of cigarettes out of her clutch and offered one, but Aquaria refused. "Why are you out here anyways?" Brianna asked, as she lit a cigarette for herself. "Trixie Mattel is in there."

Aquaria just shook her head and said, "Parties..."

Brianna had no idea what she meant. But she nodded anyways, breathing smoke off to one side. Behind them, the music was leaking out the windows, and the sound of people laughing roared for a moment. Aquaria and Brianna ignored it expertly, drinking and smoking and listening to the streets below them. Brianna's feet were already starting to ache in her tiny pink pumps, but she didn't regret wearing them since they went so well with the silver elastic tube she was passing off as a dress. She couldn't help but check to see Aquaria wearing flat black platforms. Her short black dress went high up to her neck and flared at the waist in severe pleats, with silver rings drawing lines down her front and around her thighs. Brianna had hardly watched any of Aquaria's content, but she could tell Aquaria had made the dress.

"So, are you from New York?" Brianna asked, figuring she would be civil if they were going to be civil.

"No, I moved here for school," Aquaria said, readjusting her lean on the railing and turning slightly towards Brianna so she could see the makeup to go with the outfit. Red lips, black everything else. Then, she said, "Fashion school," as if Brianna could forget it.

But Aquaria was being cool. She wasn't mad about the Brianna Cracker video. She came to a party at Bob's house and was now willingly conversing with Brianna, who had been expecting a lot less. So Bri just nodded along. "You finished, right?"

Aquaria gave her a weird look. "I'm 24," She clarified, and Brianna guessed that meant she was too old for school.

"Sorry," Brianna said, "Yeah." She kept smoking, sort of wondering if she was standing too close to Aquaria but not really caring. Another chorus of laughs sounded behind them, and Brianna wondered if she should be inside networking. Then, she wondered why Aquaria wasn't saying anything and started to panic. "So, what's next for you?"

It was a question Brianna used to hate, and it looked like Aquaria was in the same boat. She sighed, saying, "I don't know," And took a big sip of her drink. "I'm not going to be a YouTuber forever," She promised Brianna, leaning over and getting as close as she had yet.

Brianna nodded along, finding herself wishing that Aquaria would lean just a little closer so her hair would fall over over Brianna's shoulder, for some reason. "Who are you going to be?"

Aquaria leaned away and stood up tall. The silver on her dress glinted with yellow lights. "I want to be a designer with my own label,” She explained in a clear voice, her determination and pride showing through. But when Aquaria looked down into her drink and grumbled, “Obviously."

Brianna didn't think, just pulled off her cigarette and echoed, "Obviously."

She instantly regretted it. Here she was, almost 30 with two dead end jobs, making fun of a 24-year-old for having a dream.

But Aquaria didn't get mad. She looked over, scandalized but almost laughing and spat, "Shut up!" She pushed Brianna's shoulder, but Brianna didn't go far.

Aquaria gave up after that, slumping back over the railing and looking down at the streets, sipping red liquid.

Brianna looked out as well. She tried to enjoy the sight, find places she knew, relish in the cool but not cold air. But all she could feel was some little happy satisfaction. She smoked and didn't listen or look to a single thing, just felt. Brianna thought about this person she was standing next to, who had dreams and lots of money and didn't mind hanging out with someone like Brianna, apparently.

The music bleeding through behind them changed, and Brianna's head snapped around automatically. As she said, "I love this song!" Brianna saw Aquaria also wore an excited face, and heard her express a similar sentiment.

Along with the happy in her head, Brianna felt a warmth stir in her belly that she ignored in favor of stomping out her cigarette as fast as she could. But once Brianna started back towards the balcony door, she heard Aquaria speak again.

"Brianna?" She said. It was the first time she had said that word. Her eyebrows had fallen to the waysides and she had one arm half stretched out, as if she had reached for Brianna's arm. "Will you dance with me?"

Brianna felt her stomach swoop as she pranced two steps back towards Aquaria to grab her hand. "Of course! Come on!"

It was clear as they re-entered the party that not everyone was as partial to Masseduction by St. Vincent as they were. But they didn't care, as Aquaria freely took Brianna's other hand as well and started dancing. Aquaria swung her ponytail and her hips, twisting around, and Brianna bounced her head and jumped in time. Aquaria wore a relatively serious face as they danced, singing along to the choice words she remembered. But Brianna knew from years of feedback that she was her best self when she was stupid, so stupid she was. She pulled faces and wiggled for Aquaria, eventually making her laugh.

At some point, Monet locked eyes with Brianna and gave her the most judge-y look Monet had ever managed, but Brianna just shrugged and turned back to Aquaria. They knew the words to the bridge. "Oh, what a bore, to be so adored ," Brianna, Aquaria, and anyone else dancing crooned. Aquaria's eyes were closed as she sang and she her now-free hands were drawing random shapes above her head. Brianna felt her mouth form the second line of the same words, but had given up entirely on focusing on dancing, as the tickles in her stomach and sneaking suspicion in her head finally confirmed that, Oh no. I like her.

But the night wasn't over yet.

They finished the song innocently enough, and then three more songs, before Aquaria finally excused herself to get another drink. Brianna took the cue and went to bother Monet.

"Bitch," Her loving New York sister greeted, "I know you're always networking, but that was 15 minutes of eye contact."

LeeLee piped up. "When you fuck her, actually look at her tits because I want to know whose are smaller."

Brianna just shook her head, taking someone's drink. "I was being nice! I said something..…unprofessional in a video," She covered, definitely not thinking about seeing Aquaria's tits.

"So when you hate-fuck her," LeeLee amended, to which Brianna flipped her off and left.

For the rest of the party, Brianna wandered aimlessly, not really feeling like dancing even when Honey and Bob got into it. She smoked, tried to talk to Trixie, tried to compliment the beauty vloggers, and drank.

Around 1:30, people started to filter out in favour of better things, and when Brianna saw Aquaria slip inside from the balcony and head for the door, she made quick goodbyes. She moved as fast as she could in her little shoes and made it out the door behind a long, black ponytail.

Aquaria realized she was there and gave a polite smile as she pressed the elevator button. In a 47-storey building, it was going to take a while for it to arrive. Brianna tried to hold out for a minute but she couldn't just stand there in silence. "So, did you have fun?"

"Yeah," Aquaria said, and then in a quieter voice, "It was nice to see everyone."

The elevator beeped as it arrived. They got on. Brianna waited to see if Aquaria would say anything. She didn't, just leaned against one wall and watched the numbers tick down, fiddling with a ring on her dress. "Hey," Brianna started as she stood against the opposite wall, and Aquaria looked up. "I'm hoping there's no more bad blood between us, going forward. It was really nice to meet you."

This time, Brianna swore she saw Aquaria blush as she looked down for a second and then promised, "Yeah, totally."

Brianna nodded. Aquaria sort of shifted, and crossed her legs. Bri went on, "'Cause we don't have to make a video, but we could still hang out, if you wanted to."

She watched the excitement build in Aquaria's face even though she was really good at hiding it. "Sure, can I have your number?" She asked nonchalantly, already clicking around on her giant iPhone.

Brianna shuffled across the elevator until she was well into Aquaria's personal space. The phone was barely balanced between three fingers, but Brianna still managed to tickle Aquaria's hand as she took it. She typed her name as, 'Bri [cheese emoji] [heart eyes emoji]", and texted herself "Hey it's Aquarius Noodles."

Aquaria smiled, almost laughed, when she took it back and saw what Brianna had done. Brianna didn't move to back away, but Aquaria put a hand on her arm to keep her in place anyways. "I did have fun tonight, thanks to you," Aquaria admitted or lied, probably a mix of both. "And this dress is incredible."

"You like it?" Brianna asked, unable to hide her smile and she glanced down at herself. Not everyone liked it when girls with big hips wore tight clothes, so Brianna was glad that Aquaria could deal with Brianna's ass.

Aquaria nodded and rubbed a thumb over the thin straps.

"Well you look amazing, as always," Brianna said, eyes flickering between Aquaria's eyes and lips, as if they were her only achievements that night.

There. Brianna definitely saw Aquaria blush beneath all the foundation and highlight. Between that and the way Aquaria's nails had settled to press semi-circles into Brianna's shoulder, Brianna felt her stomach warming significantly.

The air was still. The elevator beeped as they descended.

Brianna quelled whatever was rising in her chest to ask, "Can I kiss you?"

Aquaria said, "Okay," and Brianna let it flow up and spill over as she leaned up and pressed her lips against Aquaria's.

She was soft. She was warm. Brianna poured all the emotions that had been building inside of her all night into this kiss, breathing and telling Aquaria she was soft and warm and beautiful. Brianna was frozen in the moment, feeling the way their mouths fit together—and then Aquaria started to really kiss her.

Leaning down and tilting her head, Aquaria only got a second to try and intensify things before Brianna pulled away smiling. Aquaria breathed, and when she realized Brianna seemed happy she smiled a little too.

Ding!

Brianna breathed and stepped back as the elevator doors slid open. “Um,” She said as she skipped into the lobby, feeling Aquaria follow close behind. Brianna spun around, catching Aquaria by the arms. “Can I walk you home?”

Aquaria’s Brooklyn apartment was actually pretty close to Bob’s, especially compared to Brianna’s haunt in Manhattan, but the short trip was still agonizing with the way Aquaria would shoot half-lidded looks back over her shoulder, or brush up behind Brianna and ghost her hand along Brianna’s back. The wind had picked up in the warm September night, so they huddled close in their sleeveless cocktail dresses. Eventually they came to a posh building where Aquaria waved her keys and the door opened, a security guard exchanging nods with her as they passed.

Aquaria pushed the button for the 21st floor and Brianna pushed Aquaria against the mirrored wall. She could tell Aquaria liked it, by the way she sighed in her throat and accepted Brianna’s kiss when it came. Brianna’s fingers pushed against the tough fabric of her dress as her lips wrapped around Aquaria’s mouth. Aquaria got to work with her tongue, her nails finding Brianna’s scalp.

When Brianna slid one hand around to press over Aquaria’s ass, she heard another small sound come from her mouth, but then almost a gasp, like she was trying to silence it. Brianna broke the kiss and looked up under Aquaria’s false lashes. “Don’t be shy,” Brianna mumbled. She reached down even further to grab Aquaria’s ass properly as her lips attached to Aquaria’s neck.

She moaned .

Brianna swore inside her head. They both felt the elevator slow, and Bri reluctantly peeled herself off.

Aquaria happily led them down plush hallway after plush hallway, before waving into a door with its own security camera. It opened to an amazing apartment that Brianna could barely process with four drinks in her. All she saw was the pile of junk that had started as a couch where Aquaria threw their shoes, and then a dim hallway that led to—oh my god—a gigantic bedroom.

“This is as big as my whole apartment,” Brianna lied, mentally measuring the bed as Aquaria crawled onto it. Bri followed quickly. She re-attached her lips to Aquaria’s neck and went for the side zipper.

But before she even found her purchase, Aquaria reached up to stop her. They looked at each other, and Aquaria looked a little nervous.

“Sorry,” Bri said, taking her hand off the handmade dress and giving the other girl space. “I don’t want to break it.”

“No, I,” Aquaria said, looking away as she unzipped the dress a couple inches. She looked at the opening so Brianna did too, finding black lace underneath.

Brianna only had to realize it’s lingerie to guess what Aquaria was thinking. “Oh, um, do you want to…strip for me?” She asked, and the other girl’s nerves turned to embarassment—a good embarassment, judging by the light that twinkled in Aquaria’s eyes. “Just, oh my god, do it,” Brianna said, sounding not at all sexy but Aquaria scampered back off the bed anyways. Bri followed quickly, kneeling with her thighs apart so her dress rode up. She breathed, not sure what was about to happen but knowing she wanted it to.

Aquaria looked down over one shoulder and unzipped the rest of her dress—shirt, Brianna now realized, as the bodice fell open and the skirt remained intact. Aquaria turned and leaned down, closer and closer, until her lips almost brushed against Brianna’s. She grabbed Bri’s hand that had subconsciously navigated to her thigh. Aquaria brought the hand up inside her shirt, and as Brianna’s fingertips connected with the rough lace of her bralette, she pressed their lips together.

Brianna could feel everything. The saliva on Aquaria’s mouth, her soft breast beneath her hand, the heat pooling between their bodies. Bri was already started to have trouble breathing. She squeezed, and Aquaria backed up, licking her lips as Brianna leaned after her.

Aquaria stared Bri down as she pulled the shirt off. Fuck , Brianna thought, at the sight of the simple bra made of thick, black lace, and Aquaria’s dark nipples straining beneath it. Aquaria propped one foot on the bed and pulled the elastic out of her ponytail. She shook her hair, then started to draw it back up into a bun as she looked down.

Brianna was suffering. Aquaria was so close, so ready, but still so far and ignoring Brianna .

Once her hair was up, she turned to the side so Brianna was looking at the fateful second zipper keeping the black pleats securely around Aquaria’s waist. She unzipped it all the way down but held it in place. Aquaria spun the long way around to face the girl on the bed while keeping the skirt in front of everything Brianna wanted to see, before pausing and dropping it.

Brianna’s breath caught in her throat. The same severe lace drew a triangle pointing down from Aquaria’s hips, sitting low and hugging her tightly. She couldn’t help it, and Aquaria didn’t stop her: Brianna reached out and wrapped her hands around Aquaria’s ass, feeling the rough lace and imagining Aquaria squirming in it all night as she pulled her closer by it. Aquaria came and perched on her knees in front of Brianna.

Aquaria kissed her, and Brianna’s hands squeezed. Aquaria left no room for romance as she licked into and kissed Brianna. Pushing, breathing, sucking.

Then Aquaria’s nails reached Brianna’s thighs and started to push her dress up even farther. Soft tips ghosting under the fabric and then back along her skin, Brianna was so turned on it was starting to hurt. She kissed back hard, pressing her lips into Aquaria over and over, hungry for more.

But Aquaria didn’t give it to her. She gave Brianna a half-mischevious, half-unsure look before ducking to make-out with Brianna’s neck. Her hand slipped under the silver skirt again to play with the band of Brianna’s underwear.

“Mmm,” Brianna said, “Should I take them off?”

To which Aquaria responded. “Yes. I, yeah.”

Aquaria stood up while Brianna sat to wriggle her underwear off. Now she felt exposed, and a little wet, so Brianna kneeled again with her knees pressed tightly together as she waited for Aquaria to kiss her again. She reached out, but Aquaria just caught her hands in her own, throwing glances at Brianna’s stomach and keeping their lips a few solid feet apart.

“Oh. Do you, want to eat me out?” Brianna asked, voice even, body already reacting to the thought of it.

Aquaria’s eyes were darker even more than usual as she looked at Brianna. “I, um, want. Yes,” She managed, and touched Brianna’s knees so she would open them.

As Brianna adjusted to sit with her calves hanging off, Aquaria kneeled in front of the bed, pulling Bri closer to the edge. Brianna tried to breathe. Aquaria’s nails dug into her thighs, and then her mouth connected with the outside of Brianna’s lips. Bri grabbed at the sheets and felt herself throbbing. Keep it together .

Aquaria kissed, lower, all around the soft, slightly hairy skin between Brianna’s legs. Brianna focused on bringing air into and out of her lungs until Aquaria’s tongue dragged lightly up her clitoris, and she had to breathe out a whine. Aquaria attached her whole mouth around Brianna’s clit as she drew her tongue up and down, saliva going everywhere.

“Oh my god,” Bri said quietly, trying not to rock her hips. Her feet didn’t reach the ground sitting like this so she dug her heels into the bedframe.

Aquaria just moved slower, sucking and pressing her lips, moving them in circles on her clit. She kissed around, chastely, and then licked at Brianna’s sensitive spot again until she twitched. Aquaria took her mouth off for half a second. Brianna longed for it. Her fingers were already aching from clenching the sheets so tightly, and she tried to readjust only to grab right back on when Aquaria drew the flat of her tongue right over Brianna’s opening. Haze and pleasure filled Brianna’s brain. Knowing Aquaria was tasting her and all the stimulation from between her legs made Bri’s stomach tingle more and more.

Then Aquaria moved back to her clit, drawing her tongue in lines and circles around it, until every breath Brianna took was shallow and loud. One of Aquaria’s hands dug into Bri’s thigh while the other reached for Brianna’s hand. Aquaria guided it between her legs and to the opening of her vagina. Bri was quick to slide a finger in, pushing in softly as Aquaria drooled and pressed on her clitoris.

Soon enough, Brianna was uttering ‘oh’ every other press. Then Aquaria’s name. And then her face and neck and brain were full of incredible tingling, which built and built as Aquaria licked all around until it was physically impossible for Brianna to feel anymore pleasure than she was experiencing.

She drew her hand to Aquaria’s face, guiding her up to see Brianna half-lidded and biting at her bottom lip. Aquaria kissed her, leaned over her, and listened to Bri’s soft hums of content. Brianna accepted it and let Aquaria’s mouth push her to lean further and further backwards, until her mouth disappeared and Brianna actually had to look to see what was going on.

Aquaria just hovered an inch away and said, “You, um. Was it good?”

“Fuck, so good,” Brianna admitted, throwing an arm around Aquaria’s neck to kiss her and lay back on the bed. Aquaria was awkwardly hanging half off the bed but she held on for dear life as their mouths slotted together and moved like stillness would kill them.

When Aquaria pushed herself up on her forearms, Brianna wiggled backwards. It broke their kiss but they both moved up the bed until Brianna’s head was on the pillow and Aquaria was bearing down on top of her again. Licking over Bri’s teeth viciously, she pulled Brianna’s dress up and up until they separated again to pull it over her head. Before Aquaria could kiss her again, Brianna pushed at the bralette. Aquaria let her pull it off, and it temporarily snagged on her bun, but that just made Aquaria giggle as they pushed their lips back together.

Brianna was still coming down from her orgasm, but she could tell Aquaria was super turned-on by how she shuddered when Brianna ran her fingers down her bare sides. Brianna relaxed, let her muscles turn to jelly in the soft sheets, let Aquaria kiss her energetically. She felt where the lace panties were soaked through. She pushed them off and down to Aquaria’s knees. The only thing that slowed Aquaria’s lips was when Brianna let one finger tickle where Aquaria’s tailbone gave way to her ass. As she pushed her fingertip slowly between her cheeks, Aquaria froze, breathing hot air over Brianna’s smirk, eyes pressed shut.

Brianna took the opportunity to shimmy down an inch and take Aquaria’s nipple between her lips. She drew her finger up and down shallowly as she ran her tongue over the tough tip of her breast. Aquaria’s thighs were flexing. She pulled Brianna’s other hand off her back and threaded their fingers together. Brianna ran her fingers lightly over Aquaria’s ass and then squeezed, and Aquaria only pushed back into her hand. Brianna teased and licked until Aquaria’s breath was strained in her ear.

Brianna easily rolled them over, Aquaria landing surprised-looking on her back in the dark bedroom. Until Brianna kissed that look away. She put her tongue in Aquaria’s mouth and two fingers over her opening. She spread the wetness around and started working her clit, feeling Aquaria’s hands fist in Brianna’s hair. Brianna just focused on Aquaria, on how her legs slid around and her tongue responded emphatically to everything Brianna was doing. The panties—still around her knees—were getting in the way of her jerks and twitches so Brianna pushed them all the way off. She focused on moving her fingertips in the precise pattern that had little whines coming from Aquaria’s throat. When one hand suddenly yanked softly on Brianna’s hand, Bri broke their kiss and muttered, “You like that?” Immediately repeating what she had just done.

Aquaria’s face was flush with pleasure as she sounded, “Mmm hmm.”

Brianna smiled down at her. “Don’t be shy. Tell me,” She asked, pressing her fingers slowly down Aquaria’s vulva.

Aquaria shut her eyes and let out a quiet, ohhhhhh .

Brianna said, “Yeah,” in a really small voice to encourage her, and moved her fingers back up to Aquaria’s clit. Brianna moved them furiously, trying to get more sounds out of her. Everything between Aquaria’s legs was slippery at this point.

As the pleasure built, Aquaria gave a louder whine and a strangled, “Brianna.”

Lips pressing to her ear, Brianna asked, “Can I finger you?”

“Yes. Yes,” Aquaria repeated.

Brianna laid herself half on top of Aquaria with one leg draped over her thigh, so she didn’t have to concentrate on not falling down. One of Aquaria’s hands fell away to fist in the sheets. “Okay, relax,” Brianna advised, and breathed a soft sigh.

Aquaria copied the breath, and Brianna felt her muscles go lax beneath her. Brianna quickly rubbed her middle finger in the wetness between Aquaria’s legs, and then slipped the finger inside her.

Aquaria gave a nice, full moan.

Brianna wanted the sound on repeat. She moved the finger slowly, out, and then back in, feeling Aquaria’s walls and where they naturally stopped. Brianna gave a couple quicker thrusts before pushing a second finger inside.

“Ohhhh. Fuck,” Aquaria said, back arching against the bed. They were in it now, so Brianna wasted no time pushing in and out of Aquaria, getting faster and faster.

Brianna pressed kisses to her cheek, neck, and chest. She let Aquaria pull her hair and watched her head turn back and forth. The warm feelings had returned in her stomach, and with everything Aquaria did, they spiked and spread.

Aquaria started to whine more and more. “Oh. Ohhh, fuck. Brianna,” She crooned.

She felt Aquaria’s hips still a little as she settled into the motion, so Brianna adjusted the angle and thrusted, even and powerful and finally hitting that spot.

“Yes, fuck,” Aquaria said, holding onto Brianna’s hair for dear life. She didn’t have to say it; Brianna knew Aquaria was almost about to orgasm. Walls swelling around her fingers, Brianna pushed and pushed, feeling and hearing Aquaria’s every reaction.

Then Aquaria’s breath caught. She was clenching, and was Brianna fucking her through it. Up and over the edge. Brianna started to throb watching Aquaria’s face as she processed all the pleasure.

And then Aquaria was breathing, gasping. Relaxing into Brianna. Her heart beat loud over the relative silence as she stroked Bri’s hair softly. She was unable to keep the smudged-lipstick smile off her face, and she was absolutely beautiful to Brianna in that moment.

Brianna took her fingers out and hoped Aquaria wouldn’t mind as she wiped them randomly on the other side of the bed. They lay there like that for a moment, breathing and sprawled out, both staring up at the ceiling. Nice , Brianna thought.

She hiked her leg up a little more and moved to throw her arm over Aquaria’s stomach, but Aquaria caught her arm and rolled them over. It was Brianna’s turn to be surprised as she took in the excited look on Aquaria’s face, like her brain hadn’t just been flooded with oxytocin.

“I, can we, um,” Aquaria said, stuttering through the words before shutting her eyes and stopping in frustration.

Brianna could see it, so she reached one finger up to boop Aquaria’s nose and said, “Hey, what’s up?”

Aquaria breathed as she looked down and said, “One more time?” Plain and simple.

“Yeah, what do you—” Brianna started, but stopped when Aquaria sat up and put a finger between Brianna’s legs. She drew it out and then placed the whole thing in her mouth. She put on a show. She closed her eyes and slowly slid it out, grinding on Brianna’s stomach, and pulling the finger out with a pop . Brianna’s heart skipped a beat as she teased, “You’re a whore.”

But Aquaria just leaned close to Brianna’s ear and whispered: “Can we scissor?”

One orgasm was doing wonders for this girl’s confidence.

Brianna muttered, “Yes, please,” and Aquaria was moving. She kissed Brianna fully as she ran a hand down one leg, tickling and then raising the knee. Her other hand quickly found its place threaded with Brianna’s fingers. Aquaria sat up, sliding her own knee underneath, bracing herself against the headboard, and then throwing her other leg over Brianna’s other hip.

She grinded down in a circle, rubbing their clits together. It was hot and wet and amazing .

Brianna muttered a low, “Yeah,” to encourage her to keep going, and she did. The sensation built slowly, and Brianna was silently begging her to go faster. But Aquaria didn’t. Not, at least, until she grabbed Bri’s other hand and started sucking on two of her fingers.

Brianna shook her head in disbelief for a couple seconds as Aquaria started grinding faster and faster, and suddenly pleasure started possesing Brianna’s body. It came hot and quick, radiating out from where their bodies were pressed together. Little ‘ahh’s escaped Brianna over and over as it built and built inside her. “Fuck, Aquaria,” Brianna muttered, knowing she wouldn’t last long. Her whole body was on fire. Heat was curling up her neck and making her feet spasm. Aquaria just kept thrusting, slick but hard.

And then Brianna was orgasming, with a pained, “ Ohhh .” Aquaria’s hand was white where Brianna was squeezing it. She was frozen under Aquaria’s rocking hips, as pleasure filled her every nerve.

Brianna started to fall out of it, breathing deep and relaxing, but Aquaria kept going. Bri let her grind against her a few more times before stopping her. She fought through the haze that was settling over her brain to push Aquaria over. Brianna rubbed her clit with the flat of three fingers until the other girl came, moaning and shaking beneath her.

Brianna reveled in every second of it. All the wet spots they had left on the bed, every change in Aquaria’s breathing, every red semi-circle in Brianna’s skin.

But then the aches were settling into her muscle. The fatigue was overtaking her brain. She had one word in her head, and it was ‘home’.

She started to force herself to get up, but Aquaria’s hands were grabbing and pulling. Before Brianna knew it, she was wrapped in a duvet burrito with AgeOfAquaria Aquaria Needles, listening to soft, content breaths as they both fell asleep.

+ A few days later

Aquaria’s Q&A was read quickly off her phone. “Please collab with Brianna Cracker.” Her face lit up as she looked at the camera. “I think that would be awesome! I hope we can soon.”

+ The next week

“Thank you so much for watching,” Aquaria gushed quickly as she filmed the end of her third date makeup tutorial. “Like and subscribe down below. Remember, you don’t define beauty, beauty is defined by you!”

She started posing for the last few second of the video, but suddenly her ringtone sounded from where her phone was tossed on a pile of papers. She stood up and grabbed it, answering it as quick as she could, saying, “Hey hon.”

Sasha looked up from where she was lounging behind the camera. She had offered to help Aquaria edit a better outro and was hanging around while she filmed it.

“Hey sweetie ,” Brianna crooned through the phone. Aquaria was already blushing as she paced between her desk and her ring light. “ I watched your Q&A video .”

“Uhhh, did you like it?” Aquaria asked, voice light and teasing. Sasha was waving around and pretending to scream at her, but Aquaria ignored it expertly.

“It was very cute, darling ,” Brianna said, and then paused. Sasha was furiously typing and Aquaria just knew the groupchat would be blowing up on this call ended. Finally, Brianna spoke again: “Do you actually want to do a video? ” She asked.

Aquaria breathed. “I don’t think our channels are that different, not really.”

“Really? ”

Aquaria tried to walk as far from Sasha as she could when she muttered, “Why don’t you come over tonight and we can, um, talk about it.”

The line was quiet for a second. Aquaria turned around, and Sasha’s grin was shit-eating. Then, “Okay. Yes .”

“Yay!” Aquaria exclaimed, unable to stop herself from bouncing around and pumping a fist in the air. “I’ll see you at 8.”

“Okay. Bye baby. ”

“Bye cutie,” Aquaria signed off, and hit the red button as her face turned the same colour. She ditched the phone in her recording chair and ignored it as the buzzing began.

Sasha’s face was in her hands, perched on the arm of the couch. She looked up at Aquaria through thick, natural lashes and thick, black glasses. “‘Cutie’?” Sasha asked.

Aquaria just joined her on the couch and pulled the laptop onto her legs. “Alright,” She said, opening up her video editing software, silently hoping the lifeless light of her screen would balance out the heat in her cheeks. She looked at Sasha. “What do I do?”

Sasha just shook her head for a second, two, three. Eventually she shook herself out of the stupour and said, “Uh, this is gonna take a while, so you should go wash your face.”

“No,” Aquaria sing-songed, dragging the footage she had just filmed into the program, “I have a third date tonight. This is my third date look.”

Sasha just smiled and tilted her head. Aquaria stared back. Sasha announced, “You’re so gone, bitch.”

#craquaria #craquaria fic #craquaria fanfiction #rpdr fic #aquaria #*bo burnham voice* pandering #im totally joking this is SO self-indulgent #i explain it on ao3 but i consumed a shit-ton of drag race content in a very small amount of time so this is all my feelings all at once #my fics #also the formatting didn't work on this so yall can suffer

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