#depression awareness among students

[xeeroo08]

Astro observations 《3》

Disclaimer : Not an astrologer, take it with a grain of salt, only for fun.

🫧 Asteroid Orma in 8th house might be the people to leave an impression of being hella reserved in a mysterious way. Like they might tell you a story and you will always feel like there is something more to it.

🪩 Mars in 3rd house people often say something offending without meaning to and regret the very next second. Trust me it's not their fault, they wanted to say something else and ended up saying something totally unexpected. They also feel guilty about it for days and feel sad that they might have come off rude for no reason.

🫧 Neptune conjuct ascendant, they are the real chameleons. They can mold themselves as per the situation demands. Ngl it comes handy sometimes. Like I remember when I was in 6th grade I was caught into a very serious matter but I pretended as if nothing happened and flew away. When the other guys rattled me out to the teacher, she said It's impossible that I was involved and that she doesn't believe them. She didn't hear a single word against me. Lol no, I wasn't her favorite student or something. It's just that I had maintained a certain reputation among different sect of people as per my own convenience. Call it manipulation if you want, if that doesn't explain the planet itself.

🪩 Pluto trine Lilith, it's not always sexuality that comes to the mind when we hear about these folk. Lilith here is aware that pluto is her benefactor. But it takes time for her to feel comfortable in her own domain. She is powerful here and knows what she wants. Definitely won't take anyone's bullshit. Her transformation can be scary and ruthless if someone tries to pin her down.

🫧 Jupiter sextile Pluto have a deep interest in forbidden things. Learning things that often people consider taboo is their thrill. They may or may not share the knowledge but they are always resourceful about topics relatated to dark themes of life. Feel free to discuss anything with them, they won't judge you infact they will help you inhance your own boundaries. You will be surprised how normal they'll sound while talking about things that might trigger other people even if they have gone through the same.

🪩 The one guy I had a Aphrodite-Eros synastry with made me feel like...idk strange. I was on a constant pedestal. I cared a lot about him. His Eros conjucted my Aphrodite and I looked out for him a lot. There was a thick sexual tension but also comfort. He also made me get a taste of jealousy. Which I don't usually feel. I used to constantly compare myself with the girls he used to interact with. We were not dating but I just couldn't help but feel insecure. Not because of him....idk why I was acting like that when I knew I was pretty enough.

🫧 Mars opposite Venus people get sudden mood swings from doing absolutely nothing to doing everything in next one hour. Oh and they'll do it again if it ain't asthetically pleasing to the eye.

🪩 Sun sextile Saturn, trust me they do know how to control themselves and take things with a grain of salt. Their ego is well maintained and not fragile unlike others. Very understanding and real mature people.

🫧 Sun sextile/trine Moon are the most compassionate and intuned with their selves. They know themselves better than anyone else. Also they always know exactly what they are feeling at any given time. Even if they are depressed at some point they won't give up easily.

🪩 Neptune negatively aspecting Saturn, dreaming big is easy, isn't it? But when you start implanting those dreams in real life your dreams remain dreams only. Don't worry though. It's a lesson. Don't give up, try harder. Dream as big as you want but at the end of the day remember to open your eyes and start afresh with new motivation. And please don't listen to those who tell you to quit it down. Your dreams are not weird or impossible or too much. Those people are just jealous because of how big your ambitions are and how far you are willing to go for it. Don't restrict your imagination for someone else. Believe yourself, you can do it!

🫧 Pluto in 10th house solar return chart can indicate a huge change in academic life or anywhere you are working at. For better or worse you better take precautions before hand. I am having it this year with mars in 3rd house and trust me from an above average student my grades are becoming poor. If I were to describe my graph I can see it coming downhill like a water slide which is creating quite an impression on my parents as well as my teachers. Note the sarcasm.

🪩 Saturn in 7th house could indicate having no interest in relationships at first or people being afraid to ask you out but when you grow up, settle well, you find yourself looking for your better half, resulting in either meeting them late or doing an arrange marriage.

🫧 Saturn opposite ascendant are the people who often get told that they look unapproachable on first glance. Kind of the 'out of league' vibe surrounds them. Which is not always true but I have noticed people do think twice before approaching them. These sweeties are also damn soft on the inside but for only those who do dare to talk to them. They rarely take the initiative themselves. But come ask help from them and they will risk their lives for you.

🪩 Mercury aspecting chiron could indicate healing your wounds by diving into the world of books. You might like to read or write journals when you are feeling down. There might be a small diary or pages that you have written when you were at your lowest. Its also possible that you start writing a novel or something to help you voice out your pain through written words.

🫧 Sun conjuct asteroid Medusa. Damn! You could have curly hair or hairs that are a lot wavy, thick and voluminated. Highly blessed in hair department. Many people might have praised you or complimented on your hair from a very young age. This could also indiacte a lot of body hair. From top to bottom you have body hair and trust me its not a bad thing. Its a blessing of being powerful, embrace it. It's just a hunch but some may have complimented you on that too.

🪩 Mars in 3rd house can't watch porn without audio or no communication during the deed. They always want to hear the sounds, no, they NeeD to hear the sounds raw! Only visuals is boring for them just as adding some weird music to the video. No, its not creating the mood, its ruining my experience, pls stop it.

🫧 You don't wanna hear someone moan who has their personal planets conjucting asteroid Sirene. Trust me you will get addicted. Its insane and I am not bluffing. Their voice may or may not be as addictive in general but in bed? Or when they want to take something from you? You will be trapped even before you blink. It's dangerous.

🪩 What's with Taurus Mars and Laziness? So much potential and still they study few hours before exam, complete assignments few minutes before submission and still have the audacity to say they will easily pass. Like bro if that's how you pass then I can't imagine how you will top....

🫧 Moon in 4th house people are highly invested in family matters. Family comes first to them and then the rest. The kind of people to tolerate an unhappy married life for the sake of their kids because they can't see their family being split apart.

🪩 Mars aspecting Pluto. It doesn't matter if it is positively aspected or negatively aspected, there is a lot of pent up frustration and anger issues underneath this placement. If provoked or underdeveloped could result in a very sudden and violent rage from this person. Better to leave them alone in such situations.

#Asteroid Orma #astrology #zodiac signs #astro observations #mars aspecting pluto #mars square pluto #Sirene conjuct personal planets #Medusa conjuct sun #sun sextile saturn #sun sextile moon #saturn opposite ascendant #saturn in 7th house #mars in 3rd house #neptune conjuct ascendant #pluto trine lilith #jupiter sextile Pluto #Aphrodite conjuct Eros #synastry #mars opposite venus #neptune square saturn #neptune opposite saturn #Mercury aspecting chiron #mercury square chiron #pluto in 10th house solar return chart #mars in 3rd house solar return chart #taurus mars

[fagknowledge]

PLEASE READ: The Lives Of Trans Students In Virginia Are At Stake.

Virginia Governor Glenn Youngkin has turned his focus on making education ten times worse for everyone involved. His current focus is on Transgender students in K-12 public schools. He is introducing a new policy, the main points are as follows:

-Administration is to use the pronouns on the student's record, not their chosen pronouns.

-If administration is aware of a student's identity they are to inform parents of it.

-Students may not use the bathroom that corresponds with their gender identity, only their AGAB.

There are more issues with it that can't be listed here, but trust me when I say this could get trans students KILLED. Parental abuse will spike as well, and depression rates among trans kids. I don't need to tell you why this is horrendous.

So please, go to the link below and fill out a comment card. It's easy, it's free, it's anonymous. Put what you feel you need to. This is not useless. They are required to look at every comment.

Please. This is serious.

If you look at the list you can see how many awful comments there are from transphobic people. Please help us. It takes 30 seconds.

#transphobia #virginia #transgender #trans rights #equality #social justice #trans students #trans #gender #help us #virginia politics #k12 education #education

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

By: PITT

Published: Sep 30, 2023

Our son recently started graduate school. He began hormone therapy during his final year of undergraduate education. Because he began to identify as a lesbian, transgender woman at 20 and showed no sign of gender dysphoria before that, we never had a chance to reflect – or advise him – on his choices. Going through the published medical research on the effects of estrogen made me aware that psychologically, excess estradiol in the serum causes depression among males, and physiologically, there are potentially much more severe side effects, including some impacting the brain and the immunological system. More of that in a minute.

Fast forwarding to the present day, before our son left for graduate school at a University with one of the country's most renowned medical schools. I decided to write to their student health center and share the studies I had found and, more relevantly, the psychological history of our child. What follows is the text of the letter and, after deleting potentially identifying information, the response from a high-ranking official within the health center. They are, for the lack of a better phrase, quite revealing.

First, my letter (I have not disclosed the name of the university and have changed the name of our child here, with apologies to the real Jonathans of the world; furthermore, apologies for the triggering usage of pronouns – I did not want to be dismissed as the “usual, hateful, bigoted transphobe”; rather, I wanted to be considered as the deadly serious parent who would do anything in their power to prevent their child from coming to harm):

-

Dear Apex University Health Center,

Our child, Jonathan, who is joining the graduate program at Apex University this Fall, identified themself as transgender during their sophomore year in college (2021) and started estrogen therapy in early 2023. Since every one of these interventions is off-label, I have been looking up the peer-reviewed literature on the effect of estrogen and whether there are any risks that our child needs to be aware of as they continue on this path. My findings, which I summarize below (and link to the sources), have been alarming. Several endocrinologists – some who publish extensively – have told me they were unaware of the new literature. I have also been in touch with the Endocrine Society, and their response heightened my alarm.

While we respect our child's identification with their gender identity, we felt that they exhibited several psychological symptoms right before identifying as a lesbian, transgender woman (Jonathan was assigned male at birth and did not show any inclinations to identify as female before April 2021), and these co-occurring symptoms were not considered at all before he started on the prescribed medicines. Most tellingly, just before identifying as transgender, Jonathan's romantic advances were rebuffed by the woman of their affection. Subsequently, Jonathan also lost every friend they had, thereby remaining completely alone in their dorm room for the greater part of their last two years of undergraduate education. However, these psychological symptoms were never explored. Jonathan was recommended to start on estradiol and spironolactone immediately, which they did – and their physical and mental health symptoms have deteriorated since. Jonathan is also quite depressed, spending all their time without emerging from their room.

That is not surprising since, when it comes to the recent research on estrogen in natal males, excess estrogen in the serum in natal males has been associated with depression – studies among adult men and adolescent boys show that. Clinical studies (i.e., studies that recruit actual subjects and follow them clinically rather than rely on anonymous, online, non-probability surveys) that promote gender medicine fail to show any improvement in psychosocial outcomes among natal males. For example, the New England Journal of Medicine study from early 2023 concluded that hormone therapy is psychologically beneficial for transgender youth. However, in the main text, the study finds no improvement in depression, anxiety symptoms, or life satisfaction among natal male youth (the relevant paragraph is at the bottom of page 244 of the journal issue).

Thus, psychologically, there is ample evidence that excess estrogen is associated with depression among natal males. Physiologically, recent research shows that estrogen might have far more deleterious effects. A study showed that 12 months of estrogen treatment among transgender women leads to a decrease in serum BDNF levels. That is significant because a separate study shows that this decrease in serum BDNF level is associated with increased risks of developing MDD (or major depressive disorder).  Lower levels of brain BDNF levels have also been associated with neurodegenerative disorders and found in the brains of patients with Alzheimer's, Parkinson’s, MS, and Huntington’s disease.

A high-quality rodent study shows that estrogen therapy among adult male rats leads to changes in their brains that resemble the changes in the brains of trans women. (There have been several other studies (2 links) among trans women that have shown these changes, but the rodent study indicated the mechanism by which these changes occurred in the brain.) Specifically, estrogen seemingly reduced the water content in the astrocytes and thereby disturbed the delicate homeostasis in the brain by increasing the relative concentration of glutamate (the brain's most abundant excitatory neurotransmitter), leading to glutamate excitotoxicity. As the Cleveland Clinic informs us, an increase in glutamate in the brain is associated with higher risks of neurological disorders like Alzheimer's disease, ALS, and many other diseases like multiple sclerosis. The research also showed that estrogen decreased brain cortical thickness and volume (which other studies have linked to patients with schizophrenia and bipolar disorder and lower levels of general intelligence). Furthermore, it was found to reduce cortical white matter integrity (which is related to cognitive instability). There is also empirical evidence of the lowering of cognitive abilities among transgender women that was presented at the EPATH conference in April 2023 (in Killarney, Ireland) - the researchers noted this decline among long-term patients at Amsterdam's famed gender clinic.

Research in the last few years shows that estrogen therapy among trans women has been associated with higher risks of various autoimmune diseases, from multiple sclerosis (recall, too, the association of MS with an increase in glutamate) to rheumatoid arthritis and many others in between. It has been associated with increases in the risks of prostate cancer and breast cancer. It increases risks of cardiovascular diseases (2 links), often by as much as tenfold compared to their cisgender counterparts.

Empirically, we see a much higher incidence of many of these physical and neurological diseases in the transgender population. It is perhaps not a coincidence, therefore, that population cohort studies (2 links) show that trans women, on average, die decades earlier than either cisgender men or women.

When I approached the Endocrine Society with what I had found and pointed out that many of these findings came out after the publication of their guidelines in 2017, I received an email from their Director of Clinical Practice Guidelines that they are currently fast-tracking a revision of those guidelines. She also mentioned that their evidence evaluation criteria have changed since the guidelines were published and that they now use the GRADE criteria for evaluating evidence. This is encouraging, but I have no idea how long it will take for the new guidelines to appear.

I point all of this out because Jonathan has the chance to start afresh and be reevaluated at Apex University's healthcare system. We increasingly see them stumbling with their memory, something that we could not even think of a year earlier – Jonathan used to have a photographic memory ever since they were a child. Having heard so much about Apex's medical school, we have high hopes that Jonathan's evaluation at Apex University's medical system will be more thorough than it has been so far. Let me be clear: We have no doubt about their gender dysphoria or their intense discomfort in their traditional gender role – we worry about that all the time. It is just that we have observed that medicalization has not brought them any balm so far – in fact, just the opposite. While the absence of any upsides (and the possible significant downsides) in the literature – psychological or otherwise – heightens our alarm.

After all, it is not only a lone voice like ours, but even mainstream media like the Economist (their April 5 issue with the cover story “The evidence to support medicalized gender transitions in adolescents is worryingly weak” comes to mind) and storied institutions like the British Medical Association and the systematic reviews of the literature from national medical associations of very transgender-friendly countries like Sweden, Finland, Norway, the UK, and (most recently) Denmark that are raising the alarm on the lack of high-quality evidence of any benefits from hormone therapy. (And these reviews I mention above cover only the evidence of the psychological effects of the hormones – they do not even consider the long-term physiological consequences.)

If all the evidence from the past few years is to be believed, there is now quite a body of evidence of genuine harm from administering estrogen to the natal male body (I have not researched the effects of excess testosterone on the natal female body, and so I cannot comment on that.)

As one of the world's leading lights in healthcare to nudge society toward better outcomes through research, Apex University will be well placed to lead the march for evidence-based care in gender-affirming care.

Thank you very much for reviewing the evidence that I have found and considering our child's health as they start their journey at Apex University. Please let me know if you have any questions. I look forward to hearing back from you.

With warmest regards,

XXX

-

A few days later, I got their response. I have highlighted the relevant portions of their email and annotated them within brackets [all formatting mine]. As I said, it’s quite revealing.

-

Dear XXX:

Thank you very much for sharing your concerns about your child with us.

…Apex U's Student Health Center (Apex SHC) is not directly affiliated with Apex Medical School and we do not provide care under the umbrella of the hospital. [Is the respondent making sure that the medical school is not implicated if something goes wrong with our son?] However, we do collaborate closely with our colleagues at the hospital and medical school, including in the management of our student receiving gender affirming care.

…

Gender affirming care is a unique process in medicine in that we are not aiming to treat and eliminate a disease process. [Ah, an admission that there is no real goal of treatment through this care. Finally! But read on…it gets better.] Instead, we are using the tools of medicine to help individuals achieve very personal and sometimes nebulous [nebulous? WTF? After all these years of "settled science," all we have is “nebulous?”] physical and emotional goals. Success is not based on a clinical metric but usually involves a better quality of life balanced with potential risks including morbidity and mortality. [So, finally, an explicit admission – success is not based on any clinical metric. That makes complete sense to us inconvenient parents. After all, how can there be? There never have been any metrics, ever. At. All. All we have are some "nebulous" ideas of "better quality of life" – as decided by the patient right now, with no consideration of what might happen in the future as a result of the free dispensation of off-label medication. And oh, by the way, that "better quality of life" includes morbidity factors and dying much faster.] We at the Apex SHC make every effort to ensure that our patients are well-informed [in other words, make sure that they have signed the informed consent forms!] about each decision that they make and have time to consider these impacts without pressure [The irony of the sentence – “have time to consider these impacts without pressure.” Wow! really?]

Should your child decide to engage with us in care, our commitment to them is to prioritize their safety [oh, the irony, once more!], the elements of their well-being that we can support [the rest – whether caring for them for the rest of their lives or paying for their illnesses and hospitalizations, with a big fuck you to your dwindling retirement funds – is up to you, you bigoted parents!], and to help them make a bright future for themselves.

Very best,

AAA

-

As I read and re-read the email, all I could think was – Wow! What an amazing letter! AAA has no qualms admitting that there are no clinical goals of treatment when it comes to gender-affirming care. This is really quite convenient if you think about it—if there are no aims, any outcome is fine! No wonder these physicians get all flustered when we inconvenient parents ask them about clinical goals and outcomes.

All that these caring physicians want to achieve are some nebulous (which the dictionary defines as unclear, vague, or indefinite) goals. Oh, and please remember – once again – that those are personal goals, so please don’t ask about evidence of well-being. (An inconvenient question, though – why should such personal goals be funded by others, whether it is the government or private insurance?)

And what if, as a result of those nebulous goals, the patients go through psychological, emotional, and physical distress for the rest of their lives, as detailed in the medical literature? Really, shame on you, you bigoted parents! Always such a nag! Always the party pooper. Why do you have to ask such inconvenient questions? Haven’t these caring physicians already made it clear that these are personal goals and that it really doesn’t matter that young children who are distressed might have no idea how to make a rational choice about the future? Who cares if they become hyper-fixated about something, as young children are wont to?

But then again, really, there is no pressure. No pressure at all. These kids are otherwise well-adjusted grown adults who know exactly who they are. Probably from the time they were toddlers. (What? You want evidence? This is getting really tiring. Give it a break, will you?) These are kids who are not immersed online, who do not gulp down narratives about “gender euphoria.” They are stable, rational human beings with a very clear idea of what the future holds.

All these well-meaning saints – these gender-affirming physicians – want is to give these kids a bright future: a future so bright that it will probably include that intense bright light these pitiable young men will see when they die decades earlier than their non-medicalized peers. Who are you parents to stand in their way?

==

This is quite a remarkable admission. If there are no metrics and the objectives are "nebulous," then that's the very definition of not-scientific, not-medical. How can this be "necessary," and even "life-saving" if it's also "nebulous"? God is both real and undetectable?

How can it be "settled science"?

You're letting people self-diagnose and self-prescribe in order to chase something nebulous? What the hell?

#Leor Sapir #gender affirming healthcare #gender affirming care #gender affirmation #clinical goals #clinical outcomes #queer theory #gender ideology #medical malpractice #medical scandal #religion is a mental illness

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Hi everyone,

I was curious about NSSI (non-suicidal self injury) and it’s connecting to autism. I found a source that talks about it in more detail. Here’s an excerpt:

Recent studies have examined non-suicidal self-injury in community and clinical samples, but there is no published research on non-suicidal self-injury in individuals with autism spectrum disorder. This lack of research is surprising, since individuals with autism spectrum disorder have high rates of risk factors for non-suicidal self-injury, including depression and poor emotion regulation skills. Using an online survey, we examined non-suicidal self-injury methods, frequency, severity, functions, and initial motivations in adults with autism spectrum disorder (n = 42). We also compared their non-suicidal self-injury characteristics to those of a gender-matched group of adults without autism spectrum disorder (n = 42). Of the participants with autism spectrum disorder, 50% reported a history of non-suicidal self-injury. This proportion is higher than non-suicidal self-injury rates previously reported for college students, adult community samples, and adolescents with autism spectrum disorder, which suggests that adults with autism spectrum disorder have increased risk for engaging in non-suicidal self-injury. Women with autism spectrum disorder were significantly more likely to endorse non-suicidal self-injury, relative to men with autism spectrum disorder. A history of non-suicidal self-injury was not related to current depression or emotion dysregulation for the participants with autism spectrum disorder. Non-suicidal self-injury characteristics among the adults with autism spectrum disorder were similar to non-suicidal self-injury in adults without autism spectrum disorder. These preliminary findings highlight the need for increased awareness and further research about non-suicidal self-injury within autism spectrum disorder.

I hope many of you find this helpful and informative.

#autism #actually autistic #NSSI #non suicidal self injury #NSSI & Autism #I do this when I get very angry or upset #i’m sure some of you can relate #feel free to share/reblog

[abalidoth]

whats your fav album/albums??

Like anyone else who was sentient and within earshot of a radio in 2012, I was aware of Call Me Maybe. It was inescapable, virulently catchy, an icepick of bubblegum straight to the tympaneum. As mocked as it was beloved, as society is unable to tolerate anything feminine.

I don't strongly remember my feelings about it at the time. I was probably self-aware enough at that point to not explicitly shit on it -- that was right around when I was making my first tentative steps towards not identifying as a guy. But my musical taste at the time skewed more towards They Might Be Giants and Imogen Heap so it wouldn't have been anything I sought out.

Flash forward to the summer of 2015. I'm in a bar in Ames, Iowa with a bunch of other mathematicians, there for the Graduate Research Workshop in Combinatorics. After a hard day of bootstrap percolation and RNA folding and graph discharging, we descended on this little college bar's trivia night like a swarm of LaTeX-using locusts. Combinatorists tend to be eclectic sorts, so trivia comes naturally to us, and I'm no exception; our four mathematician teams took the top four spots that night, and my team was first among those. There are a few other stories that came out of that night, but the relevant one is that I heard a little song over the speakers called I Really Like You.

Like Call Me Maybe, IRLY was uncompromisingly girly. But I was at a stage in my life where that was a balm to my aching soul. I had been slowly growing in my femininity month by agonizing month, living in the freezing wastes of Laramie, Wyoming. I wore skirts around the house, went by ze/hir pronouns online, but nobody in person knew. Every Friday afternoon my wife would paint my nails, and every Sunday evening I'd scrub the authenticity out of myself with acetone and a cotton ball. So the femininity of the song was appealing to me.

So, too, was the lyrical content. It was self-awarely about a liminal state in relationships, that hazy limerence where actual commitment isn't in the cards, but the feelings are strong, so why don't we ride them while we can? It's not that it hasn't been done before, but Carly Rae did it well. I added the song to the mp3 app on my phone and didn't think much more of it.

Cut to the summer of 2016. Brexit had just happened, I had just found out my dad was planning to vote for Trump. The sun over the Rockies was bright, but the world was feeling small and hostile. We were spending the week with my parents and some family in a mountain town in Colorado. Emma and I aren't the hiking sort, so when the rest of the folks went out in the wilderness, we decided to explore some of the little towns in the area. In one of those towns was a record store, and in that record store was a CD copy of E-MO-TION.

I recognized it as the album that had that song I liked from last summer. We listened to it in the car on the way back up to Laramie, and I liked it a lot. Now, we usually listened to music on the old iPod that was connected to our aux cable, rather than the CD drive. So that CD just kinda stayed there in the car.

November rolled around. Trump won the election. My dysphoria and my fear and my seasonal depression blended into a eutectic misery, greater than the sum of its parts, a suffocating miasma of soul-deep pain, that I had to keep off my face for the sake of my students.

I started listening to that CD in the car more and more. I memorized the track numbers, I knew exactly what stretches of songs were best for which emotions. That album became a lifeline for me. When I was driving an icy road in the dark on three hours of sleep, stressing about my lack of progress on my dissertation, and the intrusive thoughts came in that maybe, it wouldn't be so bad if the car spun out on the black ice?

I'd put on Making the Most of the Night. Carly Rae knew I was having a rough time, and here she was to hijack me, hijack me.

#tesseranswers #tessa writes stuff

[gaiaexploreslife]

hogwarts x eternals dr!! —☆

song to play while reading! —> ☆

name: Gaia Nymphaea

nicknames: M (“em”)

house: slytherin

height: 161.3 cm / 5’3.5 ft

best subject/worst subject: unknown as of now because I’m a transfer student.

but over the summer before the year started, I was taught basics of stuff I need to know

knowing me, I’ll probably be naturally good at anything that relies on intuition. As for precision… uh good luck to anyone next to me

ethnicity: white british and a little lebanese

(I have american accent tho cause I’m not actually british irl LMAO)

extra abilities: healing (ajak’s powers, though I got them very recently so I’m still figuring out how to use them)(more on that later), occlumency, and I sometimes get prophetic dreams (or dreams that give advice/wisdom/show me things I need to be aware of BUT ONLY VERY RARELY)

friends: @cosmicswan !!<33 the rest I’ll leave up to fate! (I kinda wanna be friends with the Weasley twins but they kinda scare me BWHAKSH)

family history: ~unknown~ for the most part MWEHEH

I think Imma make it so that I have wizard ancestors that were somewhat among the more prominent lines in the wizarding world, but somehow they ended up moving to America and they hid the wizarding world from their children (so they grew up as “muggles” without knowing of the wizarding world)

my backstory: ~unknown~ tehehe

basically I lost most of my memory after I almost got the life sucked outta me by a deviant one day when I was like 16

Ajak was there and healed me and kinda nursed me back to being okay. since I have wizarding blood and my magic was suppressed, when Ajak used her powers on the open wound from the deviant, my body absorbed/duplicated them. so yeah now I have healing powers too :3

since that I’ve just been vibing thru life having fun cause the eternals kinda adopted me since that

cause like I was left alone and without memory cause of that so I mean they felt bad just leaving me I guess 💀

(cause my bio family and anyone who knew me previously somehow had their memories wiped of me)

I mean I say adopted but basically maybe it’s like they take turns looking after me and teaching me things (like every few months I move to wherever a different eternal lives and they look after me for a few months then on to the next) (tho I’ve stayed with Sersi and Sprite in London the most)

OKAY THEN after like 2 years of that

they were like aye u should go to Hogwarts cause u got some magical skills SOOO I get to be a 4th year transfer student!

genetically inherited characteristics: uh no magic ones I can think of besides wizarding blood.

but for the characteristics from my CR I’ll keep: Tourette syndrome (I also have depression but I’m scripting that out cause :D)

- <3 -

— okie u can skip this next section if u want —

- ☕️ -

few of my characteristics: (more like a LOT of them actually 💀)

(this applies to my CR too so I guess this is also a get-to-know-me :3)

- very shy and quiet, tho when I’m sleepy or comfortable around someone I can be pretty talkative/bubbly and I’m VERY observant

- my love language is quality time (the second one would be words of affirmation)

- Im very positive + I see silver lining even in the WORST of times. I rarely get upset and I love spontaneity. I giggle and smile a lot, I’ve been told my eyes are super expressive

- I LOVE FOOD and sweets (chocolate specifically), I’m a very fast eater (but I’m allergic to peanuts/tree nuts. and bananas for some reason)

-I don’t cry easily, instead when I’m sad or stressed I get INSANELY sleepy and tend to go off on my own and nap

- I’ve been described by people as soft spoken.

- tho if someone’s a shitty person I get very cold cause >:) I’m not about that

- I mind my own business, even with friends. I dislike and stay away from shallow minded people. I’m literally just vibing and like to do my own thing. I hate when people are judgey towards others

- AND I HATE gossip. if I hear someone being judgey for no good reason BOOM they’re on my “stay away from” list >:D

- I’m usually off in my own world

- I also love dressing however I want/making cute outfits! I love my jewelry that I’ve collected over the years. they all have personal meanings <3

that’s all for now ^o^ sorry this was a LONG post

#shiftingrealities #reality shifter #shifting realities #reality shifting #shifting #shiftblr #shifting to hogwarts #hogwarts shifting #eternals shifting

[evvlevie]

Let me simplify reality shifting for you: a metaphor on shifting that will make shifting easier for you. 

Hi, Hello, my Name is Evie and today I will calm your racing mind down and explain to you why shifting is not only real but also very plausible and NATURAL.

Where do we start? Shifting is not what many title as "a tik Tok trend among depressed teens who try to escape reality". It also is neither lucid dreaming, maladaptive daydreaming or just a wild imagination. It is exactly what it sounds like: you experience a different reality. Not a dream reality. A DIFFERENT one.

The whole concept of shifting is based on the multiverse theory. The theory, that every time you make a choice or decision the universe splits and creates a whole new parallel universe in which you chose the alternative option. That's very briefly explained but basically that's all you need to know.

When shifters start their journey they usually haven't really grasped yet, what a shift is. When they hear that they can shift to a reality in which they are a Hogwarts Student, or a MCU Character or a sparkly vampire in the twilight universe they feel almost overwhelmed (at least I know I did). You usually ask yourself questions like: How is this fictional Universe supposed to materialize in front of me? How am I supposed to just become a vastly different looking person out of nowhere? etc etc

Here is my little simplification for you:

So I work at a grocery store, and my job is ONLY the cash register. I live in Germany, so the workers can sit down for that. We have 5 Registers, but only at the very first one you have to stand, which I try to avoid as much as possible. Every time before I come in to work I think about which Register I want to be at that day, and then I decide (manifest) that for example today I want to be register 5. I arrive at work, and my coworker who assigns the registers tells me that today I was assigned to be the fifth register (as expected). So what happened? While I was walking to work, I made a manifestation, which shifted me to a reality in which I have the desired register. My desired reality.

I like to think of shifting as an art gallery. You need to realize that you are not your body. Or your mind. You are CONSCIOUSNESS. You are aware of your current reality, which is why you experience it. You, as a conscious being, are looking at the painting that is your current reality. When you decide to shift, you decide to just look at another painting at the gallery. This does not mean that the other paintings/realities do not exist or never existed right? You just don‘t pay attention to them right now, which is why you don‘t see them. But they are still there. You just aren't AWARE of them.

Now to give you an idea of how many paintings there are in this gallery. It's a lot. Think of every single name that exists in this reality. Now imagine how many those must be. This is only the number of realities that were created the second you were named your CR name. Slap on the same amount of names for the realities in which you were born as the opposite gender. There probably is a reality in which your name is lamp shade. So when you would shift to the lamp shade reality you basically just look away from your current reality painting and decide to look at the one where your name is lamp shade. We shift every single time we take a breath because we are looking away from the paintings in which we didn't, you see? You shift every single step you take because you aren't experiencing the realities in which you don‘t. You shift every time you manifest something and it happens, because manifestation is shifting, too.

Life is not built on coincidence. Nothing is coincidental. Everything is shifting. And just because you want to shift to a reality which is vastly different from the current one, it's not ANY HARDER. You are always just looking at different painting with your consciousness. Just because you are looking at a more complicated painting doesn't mean the looking away part is less simple. YOU just have to look at painting. You are not the one building the realities from scratch. Your job is to experience them, and to decide which one to look at.

so yeah. shifting is easy. it's simple, it's natural, it's all you have ever done in life. you can do it too, because you have already done it. multiple times. you are literally already present in your DR, you just aren't looking at the painting, yet. Do not doubt your power to look away. Everyone can, does, did and will keep on going to.

I hope this was helpful, and remember: Your thoughts are your reality. Shifting is only as hard or as easy as you make it out to be. Chose to look at the painting in which it's the easiest, and keep on looking at as many reality paintings as you want.

a lot of love,

Evie <3

#law of assumption #law of manifestation #law of attraction #loa #manifesting #manifestation #self concept #current reality #desired reality #desired life #reality shift #reality shifting #shifting realities #shifting #shifting community #spiritualgrowth #spirituality #spiritual vibrations #spiritual community #spiritualawakening #spiritualjourney #motivation #success #shifting motivation

[lenbryant]

(LATimes) In ‘The Exvangelicals,’ Sarah McCammon tells the tale of losing her religion

Sarah McCammon.

(Kara Frame)

Book Review

The Exvangelicals: Loving, Living, and Leaving the White Evangelical Church

By Sarah McCammon St. Martin’s Press: 310 pages, $30

The term “exvangelical,” a reference to disillusioned evangelicals after Donald Trump commandeered 81% of the white evangelical vote in 2016, has always struck me as contrived and a tad too cute. It’s a variation — a reversal, I suppose — of Ronald Reagan’s famous lament that he didn’t leave the Democratic Party; the Democratic Party left him.

Although the author, a national political correspondent for NPR, purports to be telling “the stories of millions of Americans,” this book is really autobiography with a few cameo roles. Nevertheless, McCammon’s history is captivating and well told: a childhood cosseted in the evangelical subculture, with schools and sermons trumpeting the Christian nationalism that’s fueling so many culture wars now.

In “The Exvangelicals,” McCammon’s evolution unfolds as a series of steps, chapter by chapter, on a descending staircase toward disillusionment. 

She begins by questioning the conviction that only Christians (by which evangelicals mean evangelicals) go to heaven, then rejects creationism and embraces the veracity of science before moving on to such matters as female submission and sexual identities.

“Having a female body came with heavy responsibility and fear,” she writes, referring to admonitions at home and school to dress modestly lest she inflame unholy passions.

Perhaps not surprisingly, McCammon devotes a great deal of attention to her own sexual awakening, much of which occurred at the small evangelical college she attended (which, as it happens, is where I was an undergraduate a couple of decades earlier). The “purity culture” of evangelicalism demanded that women be demure, while young men were cast as warriors and defenders.

“On our wedding night, we didn’t know how to have sex,” one informant tells McCammon, who adds, “That experience is not unusual for young evangelicals who begin their honeymoons with little or no sexual experience, and, often, years of sexual shame.”

Many exvangelicals testify to enduring religious trauma, some of it caused by corporal punishment or perhaps fear of the Rapture, the belief popular among evangelicals that Jesus will return soon to collect the faithful and those “left behind” will face terrible judgment. One psychotherapist cataloged the symptoms of religious trauma as “anxiety and depression, chronic pain and intestinal symptoms, feelings of shame and a tendency toward social isolation.”

Religious trauma drives many evangelicals, including the author and one of her siblings, into therapy and out of evangelicalism, though not necessarily in that order.

McCammon is especially effective at juxtaposing the condemnations of Bill Clinton’s philandering with full-throated defenses of Donald Trump’s sexual predations — the condemnations and the defenses coming from the same evangelical sources with no apparent self-awareness and no hint of irony. Even more devastating is the author’s examination of her Christian school textbooks and recollections of classroom conversations in those schools regarding slavery. One textbook conjured the halcyon days on the plantation — “Southern weather was warm and the slaves stayed healthy” — and a student recalled his teacher’s remark that bondage “was a pretty good gig for them; they got free housing and all their meals were taken care of.”

If historical accuracy and context are missing from these textbooks, however, those qualities are also lacking in McCammon’s narrative, although her missteps are not nearly so egregious. She talks about evangelicalism reaching its peak of influence “beginning in the late 1980s,” ignoring the fact that evangelicals set the nation’s social and political agenda for much of the 19th century, especially in the years before the Civil War, albeit with very different sensibilities.

The author might have explored how white evangelicalism was different before its hard-right turn in defense of racial segregation in the late 1970s. Might an understanding of evangelicalism’s generally laudable social agenda in centuries past — abolition, prison reform, public education, even women’s suffrage were all evangelical concerns — have provided McCammon and her compatriots with a standard to which they could appeal in their quest to reform their churches?

As in many coming-of-age narratives, those who leave the safety of the subculture rarely have smooth landings. McCammon’s marriage to a classmate three months after their college graduation “felt awkward and surprisingly lonely,” she writes; it ended in divorce. The author tells of her parental-enforced estrangement from her grandfather because he was gay. The two mended their relationship and became close during the final years of his life, although McCammon’s overtures to him created a rift with her mother and father.

The author’s schoolmate, Jeff, came out as gay, thereby rupturing the relationship with his parents, who refused to acknowledge his husband at their son’s graduation from seminary. “I am not an evangelical in large part because there’s no room in most of American evangelicalism for queer people,” he told the author. “I’m angry about that. I’m angry and sad for the kids that are still in evangelical churches who are being told they can’t be themselves.”

All these factors and more, together with what many evangelicals regard as the hypocritical embrace of Trump, are leading some evangelicals out of the fold. But leaving itself is traumatic, both for the individuals and for family members left behind.

McCammon quotes a South Dakota exvangelical’s angry letter to Focus on the Family, the organization partially responsible for the subculture veering to the right in the decades surrounding the turn of the 21st century. She cultivated a deep Christian faith outside of evangelicalism. “But thanks to you,” she wrote to the group, “my mother believed I was living a sinful lifestyle because of how I voted.”

“Leaving conservative evangelicalism means giving up the security of silencing some of life’s most vexing and anxiety-inducing questions with a set of ‘answers’ — about the purpose of life, human origins, and what happens after death,” McCammon writes. “It also means losing an entire community of people who could once be relied on to help celebrate weddings and new babies, organize meal trains when you’re sick and bereaved, and provide a built-in network of support and socialization around a shared set of expectations and ideals.”

McCammon insists that the challenge for her and others is to define themselves in positive rather than negative terms — they do not want to be known for what they are fleeing — in which case the label “exvangelical” isn’t exactly helpful. Nonetheless, these “expatriates” are finding safety, or at least comfort, in numbers.

“Many of us who’ve been cast out are surveying the wilderness around us,” she writes, “and finding that we’re anything but alone.”

Randall Balmer teaches religion at Dartmouth College. His most recent book is “Saving Faith: How American Christianity Can Reclaim Its Prophetic Voice.”

#refrigerator magnet #exvangelicals #exvangelical #sarah mccammon #losing my religion

[dragonagelesbian]

List 5 things that make you happy and send this to the last 10 people who liked/reblogged something from you. Get to know your followers and mutuals!

Hiii @ner-vod!

5 things that make me happy.... Hmm. It's kind of hard to answer this at the moment because I'm quite depressed lately, but there are definitely some things that make my days much more bearable and enjoyable.

5. Studying Japanese

I've been studying Japanese for the past 4 years, and managed to pass N3 December 2022. I started just because I found it fun and to challenge the mindset that you can't learn difficult languages as an adult, and have kept up with it since! I genuinely enjoy learning it, teasing out the small subtleties of the language, and using it to communicate with others!

Recently, I've been watching JBL without subtitles to get used to it, with some mixed results haha, but I can definitely follow along much better! I watched the Utsukushii Kare movie at Bucheon International Film Festival last year with only korean subtitles (I don't speak any Korean) and managed to understand the plot okay!

4. Discovering new queer media

I think we've been blessed with new and more mainstream forms of queer media the past few years, especially the past 5-10 years. Teenage me who only really had Junjou Romantica and Queer Eye could NOT have imagined something like Young Royals or Skam, European queer dramas, becoming so mainstream. I can't believe we got the Given and Cherry Magic animes! I still can't quite comprehend that we have such incredible openly queer musicians. Some of my favorites at the moment are Rina Sawayama, Orville Peck, Lil Nas X, Samantha Hudson (please check out this Spanish artist!!), among others. And, of course, Southeast Asian Boys Love has taken the world by storm, to my utter joy! I'm so happy that we've seen the genre evolve so much, with many more voices joining behind and in front of the cameras.

3. Eating good food

I'm a huge food lover, and I love both making and eating new dishes. When I went to Korea last summer, I was having the time of my life just discovering delicious, cheap meals that I'd never tried before. Now that I'm at university at [school] with so many international students, we often have lovely pot lucks and all share food together. I'm happy that I'm at a point of my eating disorder recovery journey where I still struggle, but I get to enjoy food more.

2. Helping people

Last year, I finally worked for the first time as a psychologist. It was only an internship, but I got to directly aid others who were struggling, and it was an incredible experience. It's just so world-changing to see and hear people, and give them all you can. I was also part of my student union at undergrad, and loved seeing my impact on students who might have otherwise struggled. I think realizing how much I love making a contribution to others has made me more aware of what I want to work in once I graduate my master's.

My loved ones

Especially my girlfriend, closest friends (hey there @oatmealcoloured) and family. I truly would not be here without them, period. They're the only things that keep me going sometimes. Thank you.

#ask #personal

[ronaldb]

Other aspects of my autism are intellectual difficulties, even though it may not be readily appearant in my writing.

I was in special ed most of my primary schooling up until high school. I had my good subjects I did well at, but I often did very poorly in others. I was fairly bright in some subjects & even helped other students in those subjects, even some strait A students. Often, however, I could not make use of this knowledge due to lack of supporting talents.

I had difficulty focusing on subjects I had difficulty with & had very little interest in. My attempts to remedy this did not do much to improve performance in these subjects.

I also suffered significant coordination difficulties. You might not notice however, due to the fact that in walking I had a normal gait & appearance however, any task requiring coordination much more than walking was a significant challenge or even impossible task for me. Typing class was a perfect e ample. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't do better than 10 words a minute average. I could peak at around 35 words a minute, but then my hands would stop cooperating with my intentions & often couldn't do better than 5 words a minute afterward. Even at that, I was mistake prone. I believe they call this dyspaxia. This is common among autistics.

I also could not see out both eyes at once. I had to look out of one eye or the other until I developed some eye exercises for myself when I was 28 years old. Even then it still requires a lot of concentration to maintain focus with both eyes. Either way, I tend to avoid eye contact as it makes me uncomfortable + I was often ridiculed for my wandering eye when young.

I also tend to appear to be staring if I try to focus on using both eyes at once when looking at another person. I still generally look at the mouth area with only very brief glances to the eyes, just enough to see the color of their eyes & that is it.

As mentioned in my pinned post, I also suffer from myoclonus, which is a spasm disorder related to epilepsy but without loss of awareness. It is common for autistics to suffer some form of spasm disorder, whether it be epilepsy, touretts or myoclonus.

When I was younger I also had repetitive motions, some of which I even did in my sleep. I often woke up with a hand full of blanket fuzz from rubbing my blanket between my fingers in my sleep. This left my blankets frayed on the edges. I did not like the damage I was doing to my blankets, but it was hard for me to stop it. I did eventually get it to stop.

When I get upset, I often start doing subtle but steady repetitive motions still.

Other issues are anxiety, major depression, dysthymia. One enjoyable aspect is aural-tactile synethesia.

I do enjoy music. In the past, I have also modified electronics to bring out subtle details in music without altering measured frequency response.

I also occasionally have issues with understanding speech, requiring me to ask people to repeat themselves often. This is frustrating to both parties. Often it is only one or two words that throw off my understanding. This is true no matter how clearly they are speaking. It is like my language skills take a temporary hike occasionally.

As you can see I have had to deal with numerous issues related to autism & other associated issues.

I also suffer from PTSD from abuse I got from my foster home. I was often beaten there. I was treated as a slave & if I didn't perform up to their standards, no matter how hard I tried, I was beaten. Eventually, I gave up trying as the punishment was the same no matter how hard I tried. I was also raped there by their second oldest son. This is very common for autistic people, sadly.

My play style was very much an autistic type play style. I was not interested in use of whatever I was playing with, but observing even the smallest detail of the toy or device. I would endlessly spin the wheels of a toy car just to observe the qualty of the bearings or lack thereof.

Example, early hotwheels toy cars had beautiful nylon bearings that, more often than not, would spin without wobbling. Later ones didn't have that & wheels would wobble 90% of the time. Early ones had "torsion bar" suspension, later ones didn't have any suspension. I would pick up the car drop & see how high the early ones would bounce.

We are often also trained in ways that remove free will from us, making it impossible to say no to anything uncomfortable for us. We often feel trapped between 2 options, neither of which are desirable or even safe for us. This is what the foster home was like for me. Even though I never went through the professional autism treatment called applied behavior analysis, many of the effects of these abuses were similar in effect to the effect on me from the abuse from my foster home. It made making decisions hard for me. It made my anxiety much worse than it may have been otherwise. It contributed to my depression & dysthymia disorder.

I felt I couldn't do anything to support myself & that was my reality until almost 40 years old when I got training as a semi-truck driver, which I did for 20+ years.

Truck driving was the perfect match for me, I was very careful & made very few mistakes. I was able to do work arounds for my coordination difficulties. I found that i could shift without the clutch smoother than with it as it was one less thing I needed to coordinate. I had very good throttle control & lots of patience. As a result, i rarely missed a gear. I was also very good at planning my trips over the mountains, so i didn't have to downshift in the middle of going down steep grades even though I could if need be. It is not the safest to do for anybody, so i avoided it wherever possible by selecting the correct gear that would control truck speed without having to use service brakes while going down the hill.

Another aspect is that I was able to work alone with nobody standing over me. As a result I was more relaxed. My interactions with the public were very limited, which was very helpful on some of my bad days where depression literally had me crying all day. I would try to dry my tears before arriving at the destination & pray that they didn't ask how my day was as I would have burst into tears if they had. Amazingly, I was able to continue to drive even through the tears. I had no problems seeing the road in spite of them.

Even then, for the first 10 years, I was bouncing around to different companies due to low production in an overly competitive market. I was good on the equipment, so at least I didn't cost them much in repairs. Just the normal wear & tear. I was doing ship to rail transfers those years. Last ten years I did local deliveries & longer distance deliveries, this I did better production wise. I am still friends with one of my former employers.

#autistic diaper #autism #actuallyautistic

[wispisstillverybored67]

Paulla tidbits I need to shove somewhere.

I will alternate between using her real name, and her false name. La Squadra will, as usual, be collectively, colloquially referred to as "the guys".

She's a Perpetual Smiler, but you'll have to figure out on your own what she's smiling about.

Easily impressionable, literally and figuratively. You can guess who she's been hanging around with if she exhibits traits from that person, like laughter, or body language, or catchphrases (there are 2 di moltos in the hideout). Besides that, she also uses people's speaking patterns while talking to them, but these only linger for the conversation (uses boku for herself/with Doppio, ore with the guys, watashi with Diavolo, uchi with Ane, for one). Isn't aware about this.

Hair is not dyed.

Joined Passione at the same month she moved to Italy, in November. Observed the lingchi and suicide of Sorbet and Gelato respectively a day or two before taking the initiation test. Turned 17 just 2 months ago.

The guys often steal her makeup (Yes, even Nero). Every month, she sneaks into their apartments to yank it back. And, very rarely, she may bring back something interesting she finds there.

Before awakening Smooth Criminal, the faulty spirit she possessed instead passively made those around her more depressed and despairing, with only her sister, and later her brother being immune. If they weren't dying in freak accidents, her old friends would kill themselves.

Makes a Lot of Noises. Very noticeable in the Japanese dub. Ara ara (and it's lesser known cousin, ara ma), moshi moshi, ne ne, waku waku, the list goes on.

Bit/Shoryuken'd Prosciutto when he did the Motivational Headbutt on her.

She, Gelato and Illuso are the triad of gamers among the guys. Everyone else knows to not enter the room while they're fucking around, lest he be pelted with soda bottles and the tiny one (Gelato himself). She occasionally brings in her sister's Famicom, says it's smuggled, and shows them from there. "GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY ROOM, WE'RE PLAYING LIVE A LIVE!"

Speaking of Gelato... Since he's half-Japanese, he's the only one that suspected that she's also Japanese due to the way she speaks, but since he's a bit of an idiot, he doesn't bother pushing forward with that.

Looks like Cloud unintentionally, but since her nemesis looks like Sephiroth, BJ just went with it.

Was unusually lovey-dovey while she still dated Doppio. The guys were clearly disgusted, but she didn't seem to notice.

Speaking of him... She met him during the initiation test itself. He was using a phone in the high school she attended, and while her baiting Black Sabbath to go after her students (none of whom can get Stands, by the way) was doing it's thing, another student was accosting him to use the phone. Since his own menacing didn't work (as no one in the history of the world has been intimidated by his baby-face, and his mood wasn't swinging), she instead killed the student herself, using Arles (recall that she's still her Stand, so she still leeches off despair and uses it for power). Love at first kill.

Better at fistfighting then weapon use, thanks to her Stand. And better with weaponry then assassinating (of course, my definition of such is skewed, and would exclude half the guys since I got it from Fire Emblem and whatnot). A better duelist first and foremost. She even does the Thing. Though it looks more cat-like since her other self is a cat.

In response to her missing makeup products, she ended up stealing the guys' hair gel in revenge. The only duo that actually use it (Pesci and Sorbet) became unnoticeable that day. Sorbet in particular looked more like Scaramouche.

Lets Arles wander about, even while out of battle. It took a while for the guys to figure out that her cat is her Stand. How, you may ask? ...Nero was petting it, and she ended up moaning from the sensation. They will speak of this to no one.

Speaking of Nero and the cat... One time, thanks to Paulla being internally curious about his hat, she wandered up to him, and begun playing with the bells. In the middle of a meeting.

Matches the ゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴ energy of the guys quite well, even if she's supposed to be the friendly one.

The one who puts an obscene amount of hairspray on. If you open a window to the bathroom, you'd punch a hole in the ozone layer. The guys dread having to go in when she's inside, because of the absolutely painful smell that comes out thanks to the multiple cans being used. One time, Melone went in with a gas mask.

Sleeps naked. And when the suns out, buns out. She has no shame. If the guys can't control themselves when they see her, it's on them. She's nicely muscular, anyways...

Her friendlier temperament compared to the rest of the guys is enjoyed by some, and hated by others. I mean, they still don't trust anyone else outside their group, she can, so you tell me who won the exchange.

Has a small feature in Traitors' Requiem. In it, she bids farewell to two smirking figures, then runs to dance with a shifting figure who has a cat's leg for an arm. The two figures in the beginning are often thought to symbolize Sorbet and Gelato.

Talks about despair when distressed. It's the one indicator, but you won't know until it's too late.

An added line in the anime has her refer to Illuso jokingly as a "Super High School Level Recluse (Chō Kōkō Kyū no "Hikikomori")", in reference to her thinking he's immature, (not because I HC him to be the youngest at 21, besides BJ herself, who's 19), plus his Stand. The line in the English dub wrote it instead as "You're really the ultimate recluse, 'round here.", which still has the Danganronpa-ass joke.

Called herself the Queen of Fists in high school, or Ken-joh. Yes, it's supposed to be a Fist of the North Star reference. Yes, this terrified Koichi. She's self taught in fighting, you know.

Very handsy. VERY. HANDSY.

Her (sub) speaking voice is very deep, since her VA is Romi Park (Ragyo Kiryuin and Ed Elric), while her singing voice is much lighter, courtesy of Saori Hayami (Shinobu Kocho and Ayaka). It's switched in the English dub, since her voice is provided by Carrie Keranen (Lavenza and Mami Tomoe). Haven't thought of the singing voice...

French kissed Nero, thinking that's how Italians greet each other. Yanked him by the bells on his hat, and smushed her face so close. He was bright read for the rest of the day.

Spies on the guys when she needs Illuso for a favor/for shits and giggles. The lover boys tend to be her favorite target.

Never really got a proper seat. Usually she hangs on the back of Nero's. And sometimes she sprawls on his lap for a nap.

Speaking of naps... Exploits the fact that you can't get up while a cat (or a catgirl) is napping on you for all it's worth. Do you think the guys tried getting her off?

#i'll save this for later #paulla izza/billie jean ojiro #ara crapo #wisp rambles #vento aureo #diamond is unbreakable #jjba oc #izzadop #< there. found it

[phtalogreenpoison]

Riddle of ages so far 😖

So I got the Mysterious Benedict Society and the Riddle of Ages for Christmas this past year and ooooohhhhh I have so many thoughts so far. I'm only on the beginning of chapter 4 (the Benefits of Emptiness) so far, but I just need to unpack. First off, I'm guessing Reynie and Sticky are about 16/17 and Kate 17/18 and Constance about 7/8? Someone please correct me if I'm wrong, but I've been trying to place them, though early college acceptance makes sense at that age in the contemporary modern era.

THEN, the Helpers!!! This just occurred to me, and I am probably stretching this, but I personally like my interpretation. So it's a pretty easy comparison to liken their sadness and memory loss to depression among other mental illnesses. But what is causing this besides the obvious kidnapping and brainsweeping? They are doing mainly "unskilled" labor in a supposedly utopian meritocratic institute that Curtain intends to be the microcosmic model of what his ideal world would look like for the benefit of the majority. Of course it is unsettling the minute you look closer, but I feel like that is the point. For a society that is late-stage capitalist without checks, not everyone benefits. Even if everyone hustles, some become Helpers, and some are never able to progress past students. Then, even if someone succeeds, they become complicit in the structure, comparable to the Executives, who are aware of Curtain's schemes to a certain extent. Additionally, people are encouraged to look past the Helpers and see them as less deserving of the same benefits and humanity, even though they are the ones keeping the Institute running.

Now how does this tie into the Helper who is the psychic to parallel Constance? She has remained brainswept, and as far as I am aware, is helping the latest incarnation of the Ten Men (who are literally businessmen! They are The Man!!!). This could perhaps represent that without knowledge of her situation, she may resent the Benedicts for disrupting what at least was a steady form of work? Anyways, this part is very much me theorizing, but it would make sense Curtain and his cronies to pit her against the Benedict Society to further muddle their goals.

#mysterious benedict society #mysterious benedict society and the riddle of ages #riddle of ages #the Helpers #analysis #please let me know your thoughts!! #i am just fascinated by the possibilities here and how it is such a good distillation of society #mbs spoilers #mbs #tldr: corruption in power will pit the lower classes or different people who are oppressed against each other to maintain their superiority #why is this a whole essay

[diazuk-legacy]

My life is filled with regrets. The worst of them is my failure of being a Jedi Master, a mentor, a student and a close friend. It is only now that I have taken my seat on the Jedi Council that I started to reflect on my decisions that led me here. But perhaps I should start from the beginning and try to understand where things went wrong. 

It was many years ago when I was recruited into the Jedi Order and taken to Tython. I didn't know where I originally came from. But I think it’s for the best that I rather not know. I became the padawan to Master Yuon Par who I had grown to admire. Maybe that is where things started to go wrong. As a Jedi I shouldn't let my emotions cloud my judgment. But Yuon par was like the world to me. I know the Jedi Order has let go of their past prejudice and have only now started to welcome in more Sith bloods. But during my time I was the only one of my kin to join. And I was only a hybrid. I was shunned, disgraced and even looked down upon due to my heritage. But Yuon Par was the only one that took me as her student. I imagine she saw my potential and wanted to train me. I am eternally grateful for her. Which is why it saddened me when she passed. But that was part of a much bigger issue. 

A Sith lord named Lord Vicicar had spread a terrible plague among the Order, infecting Jedi with the “coming darkness” as they would call it. During my time on Coruscant I had learnt the shielding technique that was originally practiced by the first Barsen’thor. I used the shielding technique to protect jedi victims from the plague. But each time I use it it costs me my strength. My mentor was hit badly from it. I could feel her strength fading as I held her hand, but I couldn’t let her down. 

But of her own choosing she decided to sacrifice her sanity to found Lord Vicicar. She asked me to drop the shield and so I did. The madness brought her to her knees and she begged me to kill her. But I refused. I wanted to save her. But I was too weak to reuse the shield and Yuon Par died from exhaustion. I was so angry. I wanted to kill Lord Vicicar. I wanted him dead. And I did. I killed Lord Vicicar. But at the cost of so many lives. All those I had saved died in an instant the moment Lord Vicicar fell to my blade. The plague was over but in the end I had failed. And that's how I got the title of Barsen'thor, surprisingly. 

Then after that I help reunite the Rift Alliance to the Republic by being their representative and doing chores for them. And that is how I discover the “Children of the Emperor” A group of force wielding sleeper agents that have infiltrated the Republic. All created by the Sith Emperor and his nasty goons. 

It was my role to stop these children since the Hero of Tython was currently out of commission. But first I need to address the elephant in the room. I’m sure some of you are aware of my fall to darkness. Yeah at some point during my career I had reached my lowest point. Consumed by my grief and my anger and my depression and coated with the responsibility of being the Barsen'thor, plus with all the voices in my head, I had slowly succumbed to corruption. But that whole turning evil thing didn’t happen until I got to Voss. I did mention it was slow progress which was the most frightening thing about all of this. 

It all started at Nar Shaddaa. Nar Shaddaa was an experience. Not in a very bad way I mean I did enjoy my time there. But there was an unusual feeling about it. It felt like there was someone watching me. Stalking my every movement and waiting for me to lower my guard. I guess it was also that place where I started to make some questionable decisions. That was when I first heard the voices. 

The more planets I explored the stronger the voices got. They began to overwhelm me and I began to listen to them more and more. I onced called it wisdom. But now I know it was a deception. My deepest darkest thoughts bloom like flowers. And the worst part is that they smelled good. That led me down a terrible path. 

As wise as I was, I didn't understand it. But I now know that the whispers were caused by my sith heritage. Sith purebloods were naturally attune to the dark side. Rejecting it would be like rejecting nature itself. As a sith blood hybrid there is no exception for me. The Dark Side was calling out to me. It wanted me to use its power so I would become a dark lord of the sith. But I resisted, and I resisted for as long as I could until I was forced to make a choice. An evil darkness threatens to consume the planet of Voss. Sel-Makor would have unleashed chaos and millions possible billions would die. The only way to stop Sel-Makor was to embrace the dark side. So I sacrifice myself to darkness and I become Darth Venomics.

It’s also ironic. My mentor sacrificed herself in a similar fashion, except she didn’t live long to become a sith. I fought Sel-Makor and I obliterated him. But it wasn’t enough. I needed more bloodshed. I needed something to calm this eternal hunger that I had awakened. Then I remembered my real quest. I was going to kill those bastard children now that I was free from my chains. But I was stopped by my friends. Qyzen Fess, the loyal Trandoshan hunter. Tharan Cedrax, the humorous scientist. Zenith, the twi’lek rebel. Felix, the honest soldier. And Nadia Grell, my padawan who I had let down. I don’t remember how It ended but I do know that the reign of Darth Venomics came to a short end. 

The Voss was so impressed by my bravery that not only did they offer me the army I needed but they also offered me a cleanse ritual that would make the dark influence go away. 

So I accepted their gift and I did the cleanse ritual and I was returned back to my original self, but now twice as strong. 

I  traveled to Corellia to deal with the children of the Emperor once more and retake the Guardian holds that were stolen from us. The Leader, the first son, reveals himself to be Syo Bakarn. Guess you could say my reaction to this news as devastation would be understatement.

One by one with my army we retook the Guardian holds. The First Son had fled to an Imperial fleet with the full intention to escape the destruction that would soon fall upon Corellia. I chased him to the fleet and I confronted him. 

I tried to convince Syo Bakarn to fight back against the darkness as I had. But I soon realized that Syo Bakarn was murdered by the First Son. I had no other choice but to kill him. With his death the children of the Emperor were revealed to the Republic with their shield having been destroyed. The Rift Alliance was welcomed into the Republic and I was granted a seat on the jedi Council. 

Although the battle was over, the children were defeated and I had overcome a great darkness, I did not count this as a victory. The loss of so many lives lay on my shoulders. But as the new Barsen'thor it is my responsibility to not let their memories go in vain. I will honor my master's legacy and I will continue my role as the keeper of knowledge, despite what I was and what I had been before

Also on ao3 (Link)

#Ailhaahk #jedi consular #sith pureblood #sith pureblood hybrid #swtor #swtor oc #swtor art #fanfiction #writing

[rokkam-rocks]

AN IMPOSTER AMONG US...

Does everyone has some or the other kind of sadistic teacher who pretends to be good among the other students and in front of the whole school and help some " teacher ke chamche" who wants to get away with some mischief. ( ones who continuously assist teachers and butter them with unwanted loyalty) I know that I was never been able to accomplish the 'teacher ke chamche' kind of stuff, even if I try that will be the weirdest version of myself that upon contemplation will be a vision of horror which will taunt me in my dreams.

Today we had Digital marketing event in which we had some thing called 'e-sports' In which we were allowed to play Among Us, Free Fire and PUBG (I am still in the dillemma that why can't they call it as video game event probably insisting on the fact that it was considered as a part of learning process by naming an event as e-sports, or maybe to satisfy the higher authorities of the fact that they are not promoting such video games in school) To be honest people will be sacked out of their job in our school of some higher authorities will find out what kind of shitty event they conduct in our college. I don't know why I ended up joining this wierd school who has no management and values and call themselves as a business school (can't mention name for privacy reasons) they can't even communicate things on time, people will ask you to bring your own sheets to write your exam that too on the day of the exam. Since they had poor communication skills I wasn't aware of the fact that today was the event day... I was so lucky that I bought my phone along with me..i wanted to participate in the so called 'e-sports' event so desperate and on top of that my phone was having some nervous strokes and my mobile data was busted all of a sudden( why this all happens to me on weirdest and important stances) maybe because of the weather or my fate. So I went to ask my vice principal for the WiFi password of the college ( as you are not aware that our college has this werid fantasy of not sharing their passwords to students in their mobile phones even I was aware of that fact I tried to get lucky) but returned upon failing on my instinct. Disappointed, i tried to fix the issue of my phone as if I was a pro at it. My fortunate so called forced friend (for which I shall make another post for it, its a sort of tragedic epic which ever happened to me) she digged on her luck and she so happens to be teachers favourite and he gave her the password, soon after she got it i was literally on fire and was determined to put up a fight, but my friend busted me totally and prevented me to ask for my own rights...at once i felt the fire that every freedom fighter has upon depriving of his rights. I regretted for having a lean body structure thus I was dominated by my friend and physically suppressed my raging fire within. I completely gave up my hopes on playing the game today and decided to submit my phone in the lobby (we are not supposed to carry our phones to our classroom)

And to conclude I participated in a content marketing event which has nothing to do with marketing stuff we were just given some random topics and it was too dependent on our fate as you all know I have got a brilliant fate and I got a shitty topic which I wrote clumsily in a period of 15 minutes and submitted. I still don't know the reason behind why it's called content marketing when they ask us to write on a topic without the tags and without posting it(that could have been done in Microsoft Word. Literally they were just converting a composition into the name of content writing), it just doesn't feel right, maybe this confusion and foolishness of others will gradually consume me day by day and i will completely turn into lunatic and submit to depression again till my parents realise the fact. My friend got the first prize and a junior dude got the runner up who had not even participated in the event.

So long! Let's meet in another interesting and weirdest blogs that I hopefully write (let's be optimistic) thank you for bearing my shit till now, hope it is relatable (its mostly relatable to Indians I suppose)... BYE

#school #school life #soft sadist #911 fox #the winchesters #mcr #the mandalorian #shadow and bone #the last of us #artists on tumblr #school drama #school days #school daze #school discipline #among us #creative #blog post #weirder Times

[bugtransport]

Tatami Galaxy (novel) finished 2/28/23

yes i am late on this one. okay. if it is not obvious i'm already a really big fan of this series so this is going to be fully biased. sorry! i got this book as a gift; i was originally gonna wait for the paperback version to be released because honestly i typically like paperbacks better than hardcovers... they're cheaper and easier to hold and i like the way that they age and show the love you poured into them over the years (my h2g2 paperback omnibus that i carried around for like 2 years in my backpack and is held together with 3 different kinds of tape and a dream being the prime example of this) but what was i gonna do. say no? it's the tatami fuckin galaxy, baby. what the hell. it's wild to me that i've actually read this now.

first off i just wanna say how cool it was getting to read the translator's note at the end of the book and hearing how passionate they were about this author's work in particular and how they got into translating with the goal of being able to translate his work. it's fun knowing that something was made by people who actually care a lot about it. i think that shows throughout.

for those who don't know what the fuck the tatami galaxy is even about: cringefail pathetic guy college student realizes that he's pissed away the last two years of his life and wishes that he could redo it all over again to stop himself from getting wrapped up in a bunch of bullshit and we (the audience) get to see him fulfill that wish through time loop shenanigans that he (the main character) is only somewhat aware of but actually every choice he makes that could have possibly had him do something different leads him back to the same place he was before: depressed alone in his shitty little 4.5 tatami mat room. important side characters include ozu (best friend/worst enemy, connected by the black string of fate) and akashi (love interest kinda/ruthlessly autistic, girl of all time) among other recurring characters who i'm not going to talk about because time constraints and i think they're better experienced naturally so, there you go. if you're curious as to what the fuck i've been talking about you have a reason to get into it.

one of the things i really loved being able to read the novel after seeing the anime adaptation is being able to contrast the ways that they were able to bring in the time loop aspect which... really is not all that present for as much as i talk about it; it's core to the series but it's not really a mystery that needs to be uncovered, it's just the vehicle for which we can explore the main character's wish fulfillment fantasy and come to realize that actually, all the problems are with him and his pathetic little life, the spineless little worm. however i do love a good time loop and will continue to sell it as such. the repetition of passages in the book, the fact that the main character and ozu have very similar conversations in different places, the deja vu, the way each section ends the same, it all builds a really solid but not ridiculously over the top loop. like i said, it's just a vehicle. in the first 3 parts of the book at least.

as the novel is written in first person we're really able to dive into that unreliable narration more than we were in the anime which, while being narrated by the mc, really has to be third person and therefore gives a little more credence to the reality of what's being shown. the anime gets really out there with its visual interpretations and combined with the mc's narration like, it's obvious that everything you see is biased from his perspective, but... to pull an example out of my ass (and this is not a direct quote because i can't be bothered, don't come for me) there's one point where he's trying to describe himself and he's going off like: picture a guy in your head. a nice looking, smart guy, with a beautiful black haired woman by his side. he's going off about his studies. he seems like the kind of guy who has friends and is natural in social situations. now, that guy's not me, but please picture me like that.

you get what i mean? he's that kinda guy. i love a good kinda cringey main character but i get that that kind of main character isn't for everyone. however it is for me. it's fun watching him fail through life and kind of accidentally learn things along the way and then to have the big culmination of the book (the 4th part, where the aforementioned vehicle crashes and) where he ends up stuck in a literal loop with no way out of his apartment but through all the different tatami rooms that belong to the different versions of himself that he could have been and realizing that whatever path he takes he'll still end up the same but that there are small joys to be felt in life still, that he has the connections he's made in all of these worlds and realizes fuck, i've been dreaming about this rose colored campus life for far too long and i didn't even realize what i had.

and the symbolism with akashi being afraid of moths?? it's just too good. had to throw that in there because every time i think about it i get all hehehe it itches my brain in the right way. i think she got a bit more fleshed out in the anime but i do still love what there was for her in the book.

i love the tatami galaxy! really fun time for me, felt like coming home. genuinely might try and pick up another by the same author. apparently he has a thing for these sopping little wet idiot protagonists and i just love reading about them.

do i recommend it? ^ read it if the above applies to you too lol

p.s. kamen rider V3 is mentioned! THAT'S MY FRIEND KAZAMI SHIRO HIIIIII KAZAMIIIII

#official bugtransport 2023 media recap #tatami galaxy crash course from a guy who didn't even go to college #this is MY rose colored campus life okay??

[nakunakunomi]

Why I am less active ~ again ~

Cw: mental health // selfshipping // spoilers [One Piece]

Might delete this later, but I am having a moment and I honestly do not know where else to post this without coming across as annoying or weird or whatever.

Please DO NOT REBLOG.

So, it's been an emotional week or two, I have been sick because of sleep deprivation on top of it all and I am pretty sure shark week is coming up, so I am being an emotional mess right now. I won't bother y'all with the details, cause frankly, they don't matter. But I can feel my mental health just spiraling down and I have no way to stop it. It'll soon be the summer holiday, and hopefully I will have some time to recuperate.

Anyway, that's not what it is about here. This is about the most recent OP chapter leaks, altho by now it might actually be out (idk, I usually actually don't follow the manga *this* closely). If you're not there and you don't want to be spoiled then please consider this your final warning to stop reading.

So, in the final chapter Ashura and Izo died. Now... I have not been following super closely, and I am not even sure why I checked the spoilers earlier. I know it's fictional characters, trust me, I am 10000% aware. And yet. Izo's death has hit me a little harder than I expected.

For the past 2 years, he's been my main comfort character and I was actively selfshipping with him. Not so much on Tumblr because I am too self-aware and insecure to throw it out in the open like that, but on discord, among friends, and in some little writings that I never shared up here.

Selfshipping has been a great comfort while I figure out what is wrong with me mental health wise. It's been a great tool to figure out what I look for IRL relationships, hell it's been a help figuring out my sexuality, all in a safe online environment, helping me reflect on the real life that's not online. It's been a great comfort whenever I feel insecure, a source of humor to look back onto on bad days, just a very nice coping mechanism for when the depresso hits hard.

It's nothing new that a comfort character dies, it's almost a running meme that 90% of my comfort characters don't make the end of whatever medium they're part of and usually I handle it pretty well. An emotional reaction at the moment I see/read/hear it happen, and maybe some exaggerated online outrage, then some memes and acceptance, 5 stages of grief, but make it funny kinda thing.

But for some reason, this hit super hard? Be it hormones, depression, the fact that my real life is having some struggles at the moment... it just was the figurative drop that made the bucket spill (is that how you say it in English?) and I have been crying some real human tears over non real characters.

I had planned a tiny break while being on weekend with my students and wanted to get back to writing (especially for the summer event and OP bingo) the moment I got home. Instead I kinda got teary eyed and shut my laptop again. My head just fills with Angsty thoughts, and while those are all fun and games whenever I am in a good place, now is not the moment for it. So I am taking a little break again, I am extremely sorry.

I *will* get over it, and will do what any other fanfic writer does in situations like this: ignore canon and move on. But for now it kinda hurts and I feel silly even admitting to it.

Anyway. I just needed to let that out, writing down my feelings is somewhat cathartic and I am running out of tissues, so I had to try something else. I am not even sure if many people will read this because my range has been a little less again lately, but I just had to get it off my chest? Sorry for making you read this entire rambling wall of text if you're still reading. I am not even sure if I am making any sense at all.

Signing off with loads of love, and drink a lot of water, be gentle for yourself, it's what I am doing rn as well. ♡

Love, Hazel

Ps: please don't reblog, invalidate my feelings cause the characters are not real or if you don't like selfshipping. Anything negative said, I'll just block.

#mental health #depression tw #selfshipping #one piece spoilers #rant #personal #rambles #hazel speaks #hazel is feeling emotional #prolly delete later #am sorry