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starcurtain · 3 months

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The Kinda Unhinged Ratiorine Fic I Want to Read

In an (admittedly very contrived) AU situation, Dr. Ratio finds out he's about to be cut out of his (mostly estranged) family's inheritance forever because of his complete lack of interest in continuing the family line. Which, all factors considered, does make perfectly logical sense. Investment of capital should go to the branch of the lineage most likely to benefit from it, and Cousin Tiberius has five sons and daughters already. Let the house and the trust fund go to them.

But the library.

There's absolutely no way Veritas could bear to be permanently parted from the staggering assemblage of paper volumes under his collected family's auspices. Not only would being separated from tomes so full of memories be heart-wrenching, but think of the devastating blow to his research! There are records in those archives that no other mortal eyes have ever gazed upon!

So there's only one solution for it: He needs to pass on his family name, immediately.

(Andddd the rest is under a read more because what is brevity?)

Problem 1: Veritas Ratio is very gay.

Problem 2: Statistically, single men have the lowest chance of being selected for adoption placement, and this Child Welfare Agent is looking at his alabaster head very, very strangely.

Think, Ratio, think. What is the most efficient way to solve such a tedious quandary?

The obvious first step is to increase his likelihood of being selected by the adoption agency, and the quickest way to do that is... Eureka! How elegant a design! He just needs to enter into a (temporary) committed and stable partnership to demonstrate a degree of domestic dedication and home-building prowess!

Problem 3: ...Where in the universe is he going to find a stable and committed man willing to marry him?

Ratio does not exactly possess the world's most endearing personality. He might... never have had any form of romantic relationship lasting past a one-night stand even, because it turns out most people don't like being scored a 2/10 on their technique during intercourse.

So he's probably not going to find a stable and committed man.

But... He might at least find someone willing--for the right price.

Enter Aventurine (stage left). He's as expensive as they come, the greatest reward saved for the highest bidder, but despite his festering ambitions, he's still trapped as nothing more than a high-class escort, owned by a company the IPC has on the books as selling everything but what they actually trade in: Avgin slaves.

Sigonians... The reputation--and sleazy men's curiosity--precedes him, and though he only has to get on his knees for the truly bold nowadays, he hasn't yet been able to make the ultimate gamble, pull the last string needed to finally gain his freedom: the freedom to live his life as he pleases--and to enact every ounce of vengeance he's been storing for decades like cards up his sleeves.

Until now.

Until an absolute madman shows up at the underground headquarters waving around an offer that no average person would possibly make: He wants to buy Aventurine and wed him.

(Because marrying a Sigonian thrall is a safe and sane thing that safe and sane people do.)

The offer is far too good to be trusted: A real marriage certificate but a perfectly fake marriage, a no-fault divorce once an adoption is finalized, and a guaranteed sponsor for his citizenship documents. A year or two of fake homemaking, this Veritas Ratio claims, and then Aventurine can walk away a completely free man, no strings--no chains--attached.

Well, Aventurine of the Myriad Stratagems has always held one skill dearer to his heart than any other: a crystal clear knowledge of when to fold--and when to go all in.

(...Problem 4: Amber Lord help him, Aventurine's new husband is the most irritating man in the entire universe.)

Alas, if only that was their biggest problem. Somewhere between learning to navigate the citizenship process, the adoption process, a truly unacceptable level of systemic racism, and also, increasingly, each other, Ratio and Aventurine discover that the circumstances of their lives might be far more entangled than they ever could have imagined from the beginning, and the same shadowy parties that profited off Aventurine's existence might have a vested interest in parting Ratio from valuable research secrets--permanently.

While struggling to maintain a charming and loving facade and struggling not to kill each other behind the scenes, Aventurine and Ratio also end up having to out-roll and out-plan a particularly dangerous enemy; something they can really only do together.

Or, tl;dr: Dr. Ratio chooses the most efficient but most unhinged method of finding a husband that intelligence could possibly contrive, only to determine that marrying a guy whose track record for unexplained deaths matches his track record for card counting really is the encyclopedic opposite of "committed and stable." Ridiculously enough, the trouble they get into is almost entirely Ratio's fault, the only one who is remotely convincing in front of the Child Welfare Agency is Aventurine, and sometimes it turns out the guy you married for the library ends up being the guy you married for life.

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spread-the-influence · 5 months

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WOAH WOAH WOAH

*smacks the scissors out of her hands*

HORRIBLY PERMANENT SOLUTION FOR AN INHERENTLY TEMPORARY PROBLEM. THERE ARE OTHER WAYS.

the scissors clattered on the ground, making her flinch. "a-ah- sorry, i don't know what came over me..."

#[ asks ]

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sirthisisa-wendys · 1 year

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Help Less, Less Help: Ken Ryuguji x Fem!Reader

synopsis: Drken isn't sure why he's tangled up with you. It isn't his way; it's not like him. But after he's lost the things and people he used to love, rock bottom with you doesn't seem so bad.

wc: 752

tw: smut, angst

masterlist

Come over. I want to see you.

Draken's hands cradle the phone as if the message dashed across the lock screen is an exclusive invite to the Met Gala. He can already feel the adrenaline spiking in his veins, the dopamine flushing into his brain, and his other head taking over.

Give me ten minutes.

Desite the blinds covering theDespite windows, Draken knows it's dark outside. It's what he would call "after hours" for the world. No one is on the road at this time. No one is up watching TV... or watching for him. No, he's all by himself on the outside like the janitor after all the employees have gone home.

The shop is closed to everyone but him.

"The shop" is a crude way to think about the world, especially when that world leads straight to your door past midnight. The moths flicker about, batting at the only light that's on... waiting for him. Only him.

Draken raises his fist to knock, but you sense him before he can complete his task. "Hey," you purr, dressed in a simple robe with little ladybugs decorating the satin. "Right on time."

"When am I not?" Draken teases, angling his way inside and looking about the living room that never changes. The couch is the same dark, dingy denim blue he loves running his hands over. Feeling the rough texture of the sofa only enhanced the feeling of your smooth skin under his fingertips; it's a ritual he can't pass up.

Your eyes follow him as he creeps over to the furniture piece and sits on it like he owned it. A smirk pulls at your lips, and Draken jerks his chin at you.

"Your boyfriend gone for the weekend?"

"Yeah," you muse, looking at the ceiling and sighing as you lock the door. "All... fucking... weekend."

"That's rough."

"Don't lie," you quip, running your hands over the back of the couch as you pass by Draken. It takes everything in him not to reach out and swipe at your ass. "You love it when he's gone."

"I do," he admits, tucking a stray black hair behind his ear with the same hand he would have used to smack your ass. "You get loud as shit."

"I do not." You slap his arm, but Draken reaches out and grabs your wrist, pulling you closer for a feverish kiss.

"Wanna bet?"

Draken's sensible. At least, that's what he wants to think while fucking another man's girlfriend. You were there, available, cute, and willing. Emma was gone. Mikey was gone. All his friends... gone.

But you're here. And you want him.

Draken knows that sex is a cheap form of love; you're not even in love with him. He knows this deep down. But this false sense of security carries him past the lonely nights and the faceless dreams that haunt him. This fragile sense of security makes him feel like he's not missing out on so much life.

Your plush walls hug his cock so tightly, and it's one leap from reality into the mental state that is fantasy. And in his fantasy, he's been like this for years on end, just holding on to your body and holding you tight while being so intimate, so close. So real.

The kisses you give him are enough to fill the void. When he makes you cum, your voice crying out his name fills his empty heart with something he can't abandon. He cums too, and thoughts unravel before his very eyes. The release feeds his delusion, but Draken doesn't care. He's addicted to the feeling of being wanted, being loved... being home. When you hold him tight and whisper, "Don't let me go," he can't help but stay and kiss your forehead and the top of your scalp with care.

It's wrong. It's not fair. It's not right. When Draken ponders his circumstances when he's clear-headed, nothing about it makes sense. It's all a temporary solution for a permanent problem.

But... if he were to succumb to his darkness, he would feel helpless. It's a feeling he's never forgotten, and one he never wants to feel again.

"Stay with me," you hum, snuggling into his chest. And in Draken's fantasy, you're honest. You want him to stay forever, and you're willing to let your lackadaisical boyfriend go for him. For forever.

It's a fairy tale. But it's Draken's fairytale that keeps him from truly seeing the darkness of the world and inside of himself.

#draken x reader #draken smut #ken ryuguji smut #ken ryuguji #ken ryuguji x reader #tokyo revengers x reader #tokyo revengers draken #tokyo revengers #tokyo revengers smut

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sunsetshifting · 10 months

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what should i affirm for respawning?

(Quick note: My internet has been failing on and off all day/night, so I might not have another post up tonight, but hopefully it'll be fixed by tomorrow?? So sorry abt that!!)

Doing the asks a lil out of order, sorry this took so long btw!

Before I start, I’m going to quickly clarify the difference between respawning and permashifting, just to make sure you make the best choice! (Affs and advice included at the end.) :>

To quickly remind everyone:

Respawning is shifting and scripting that you completely forget your OR/CR. It is completely cutting ties with your original reality, and is irreversible. IT DOES NOT MEAN DYING IN THIS REALITY!!! A version of you will still remain behind, so absolutely DO NOT give up on life here, or make plans to end your own life! It will not, in any way, help to do that. /srs

(I urgently repeat, do not attempt to hurt yourself or take your own life just because you’re desperate to shift. Dying is a long-term solution to temporary problems, and will only forward pain onto those around you, as well as those you care about. Respawning is not about that. Dying is not part of respawning. Self-harm of any kind is not part of respawning. It will not help. Please, take care of yourselves and stay safe.)

Permashifting is shifting and simply not coming back. You still remember your OR/CR perfectly well, but you just willingly don’t come back. This decision is reversible, should you so choose to come back, someday.

So Respawning is permanent, and Permashifting is reversible!

Now that that’s cleared up, affirmations for respawning, permashifting, and regular shifting are generally pretty similar.

Any normal affirmations will work, such as “I am shifting”/”I have shifted”/”I am my desired self”/etc etc. That said, there are specific subliminals for respawning which you might find particularly useful! Since it’s such a big decision, I’d recommend ‘shopping around’ a bit on youtube to find some good, reliable sources (should you choose to use them), such as channels like Slade, Kween Subs, and mxrahki. :>

Something that could also help (and that helps in general with shifting) is affirming things specific to your DR self, but as if they’re already true and present in your reality surrounding you. Examples could include affirming your DR self’s name (like saying “My name is XYZ”) or where you live, as well as where you intend to wake up.

If you’re looking for basic affirmations, though, a good list would include smth along the lines of:

I am in my desired reality. I have respawned into my desired reality. I am pure consciousness. I am choosing to experience my desired reality. I am a master shifter. Shifting is as simple as breathing. I shift often.

Alternatively, some people find it easier to phrase the affirmations like questions! This is also an option to try out, if you believe it could help! Those would go more along the lines of:

Why is shifting so easy for me? Why can’t I stop shifting? Why do I shift every time I try? Why do I always shift on the first try? Why do I shift so often? How am I this good at shifting?

TLDR: Shifting affirmations between respawning, permashifting, and normal shifting aren't all that different, as it's still the same process, just with a slightly different end result.

Shifting is also super personal, so experiment and see what works best for you! Hopefully that made some sense?? I'm a little tired, but happy to upload something for you all! If you have any questions, don't hesitate to send another ask! :3c

<3 Happy Shifting! <3

#sunset shifting #reality shifting #shiftblr #anon #ask #reality shift #scripting #quantum jump #quantum jumping #respawning #tw respawning #permashifting #tw permashifting #affirmations #shifting affirmations #sunsetshifting

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credince--writes · 1 year

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A Promise

GhostSoap Coded

Jitterverse AU

Extension of the MacLovin' chapter I love so much.

Ao3

Soap had a problem with sex.

No one would ever call him out for it though.

It's not like drinking yourself under the table every night with a bottle.

But it was pressing up against a random woman in a supply closet.

The random, sloppy sex on top of a cot.

It filled a void.

A creature comfort.

The chase to ecstasy, and the inevitable letdown.

So he kept chasing that high whenever he could.

It filled the void, in a way,

Soap nudged Ghost in the side, pointing over to a woman sitting across the bar.

"Whaddy'a think o' that?" He says, wiggling is eyebrows.

"Whatever you think, MacLovin." Ghost replied dully.

Soap groans, throwing his head back. "Not you too."

Price and Gaz got up to go play a game of pool, leaving the three at the bar to talk among themselves.

"Price won big." Jitters comments, shooting a pretty big smile over to the two of them.

"Imagine you helped." Ghost says, glancing down at his drink and then once again- as always- scanning the room. Eyes jolting back and forth- up and down checking the doorways and the corners of the room.

"mmmmmmmhmmmmmm." She replies, resting her head back down on the polished wood of the bar.

"How much?" Soap asked.

"Enough to owe me another basket of this." She grumbled. She caught attention of the bartender, asking for a soda and another basket of fries. "And can you please add it to his tab?" She asked, pointing at Price.

The bartender nodded, ringing up the order and grabbing her soda.

Soap stared, eyes lingering on the bartender's frame- to the way her hips swayed as she pulled open the register. The not-so-subtle trailed of his sight as she bent down to pull a fresh glass out to fill with ice and soda.

"Look at the arms on that woman." Soap comments, watching the bartender move.

She must've heard, because the bartender turned and smirked, a Cheshire-like grin curling up her cheeks. "You like a strong woman?"

Soon enough, shoving their bodies together, desperately clawing their hands to each other's shirts. The bartender dragged Soap into the back, behind the bar. Into a storage closet full of boxed goods he's sure were used in the restaurant.

Their lips connected, and her hands reached for the hem of his shirt.

"Right to business are we?" He asks, letting out a breathy chuckle.

"That an issue?" She sighs onto his lips, breaking away to pull his shirt over his head.

"Not with me, love. Just don't know if you'll be able to handle all of this MacLovin'." He snickers, reaching his hands up to grope her tits while they locked lips again.

One of his hands slid down her pants, undoing her belt and shimmying them off of her hips. She let out a high-pitched whine, muffled into his lips as he lifted her onto a large chest freeze sitting in the back of the room.

"God, let me see that pretty cunt o' yours." He grumbles, dropping to his knees. Hooking a finger into the fabric of her panties’ crotch and pulling it to the side.

She groaned, hooking her calf around the back of his head, pulling her forward. Her other hand reached up into his hair, grabbing a fistful of his mohawk.

"Don't just see it. Taste it too." She urged.

"Happy to oblige."

It’s enough for him, for the time being. Indulging in the feelings of the flesh. If it wasn’t the adrenaline flooding his veins and pounding in his ears while he was out in the field, it was the constant search of mindless pleasure. Feel good, come down, and chase the next thrill.

Constantly.

Bouncing from one thing to the next- the bodies provide a temporary solution to a more permanent problem. But the temporary solutions fill the cracks, they make the subtle separations of his seem a little less prominent as time goes on. A good fuck and he’s good for a while, the feeling of an explosion in the field and he’s good until he’s in a bar, two drinks in thinking about how cold the bed he’ll crawl into will be.

And it always mingles into memory as a blur of mashing teeth and stuttering thrusts, nothing memorable enough to stick in his mind.

Not enough to glance back and realize the damage he was doing.

Stumbling back into the hotel and threw his back into the cold sheets, only to wrestle a new vessel below him.

Soap, naked on top of the sheets splayed out with the bartender from earlier. Bottle of whiskey half drank sitting on the nightstand with their disheveled bodies.

He’s content.

Within that nice space of happily buzzing from the alcohol and the orgasm, too drunk to care about the sticky feeling of sweat cooling on his back as he lays hunched over in the bed.

"Get the fuck up, Johnny." Ghost yells, setting Jitters down on her bed and checking her pulse.

He groaned, lifted his head, and looked at Ghost, a dazed look in his eyes. His hair was disheveled, pushed off to the side. "The hell are you doing here?" He slurred.

"Get up MacTavish. That's an order."

As he stood, Ghost grabbed Soap’s discarded boxers off the floor and threw them at him.

"The fuck are you doing in my room Simon- can't you see I'm busy?" He yells back, the woman below him sturring.

"You need to sober up, and fast. You're running my patience."

Soap stumbled out of bed, pulling his boxers back onto his legs before he grumbled, rubbing his eyes and reaching out for the bottle of whiskey on the nightstand.

Ghost lunged forward, slapping the bottle sending it clattering to the floor, and spilling all over the carpet.

"What the fuck, Simon?" He asks loudly, the drunken slur appearing in his speech.

"What's going on?" The woman opened her eyes now, looking up at the commotion.

"Get the fuck out." Ghost hissed.

"What?" She stared, mouth agape.

"You heard him." Soap hissed. "Get outta my room."

She made a sound of distress, before rolling out of the bed, finding her outfit, and pulling her shirt on over her head. "I thought you'd be different John. But I guess I was wrong- all you do is make promises and lie." The woman hissed.

"I don't even know ya' fuckin name you slag." He threw back, tossing her shoe at her.

"Fuck you!" She yelled, giving him the finger and storming out the door.

He turned, looking up at Ghost, "God, they are so annoying. Can't get the fucking hint-"

Ghost's hand reached up, grabbing him by the hair and dragging him into the bathroom, throwing his body forward and pushing him into the shower.

Soap fought back, of course, but in his drunken state, he was quickly pushed down into the bathtub where Ghost turned the shower on, on cold to blast down on his face.

"What the fuck!" He yelled.

"You need to sober, up, and real quick Johnny." Ghost hissed.

"For what? We're off!" He wails back, bringing his hands up to fight off the spray of cold water assaulting his face.

"And we'd still be off if you hadn't of gone and brought in another one of your cheap fucks." He dully replies.

Soap was spinning, the shock of water brought him out of a few levels of the pool of drunken confusion he'd been swimming in. The cold water set his senses ablaze, finally fighting Ghost off and turning the water and standing in his boxers.

"What the fuck is going on?" Soap asks.

"You broke your promise." Ghost replies, his voice normally void of emotion cracked with anger.

Betrayal.

The sound of his voice was enough to sober him up immediately.

It was the sound of hurt, and he'd only heard it a few times before.

"What's happening?" He asks again.

"You." Ghost snaps, stepping forward and getting in his face.

Soap pushed back, raising his voice. "Where do you get off blaming random shit on me, eh? Don't stand there all high and fuckin' mighty with that mask on your face. If you're mad and ya' wanna talk, take it off and talk to me like a man!"

Ghost stopped, staring him down. His gaze was colder than ice, but it burned on his skin just the same as a red-hot iron.

He reached his hand up, grabbed the bottom of his mask, and pulled it off his face. Throwing the mask at him and pushing him up against the wall.

"Tell me then." He spat. "Tell me why I had to pull Jitters out of a fuckin' Russian operatives room, bash his skull in and make her puke the spike he gave her out in the toilet, huh? You got an answer to that?" He waits a moment, not letting him respond. "You don't. Cause you were too busy being the selfish bastard you've become since your mother fuckin’ died. I was fine with it when you could keep your self-depreciation to yourself. But now?" He stops, pushing his hands against his chest and walking away.

"You've put your team at risk Johnny."

"Simon-" Soap leans forward, almost desperately in an attempt to backpedal- to fix this.

"No. No more empty apologies and promises. Get your shit together, we're leaving."

Ghost left the room, letting Soap lean against the wall and let the words absorb into his mind. The feeling of cold seeping into his skin, sobering him up much faster than he’d ever remember being able to do previously.

"You've put your team at risk Johnny."

...

A promise.

That’s what it was.

But, how long had it been?

Simon had been there for him when his mother died, and he hadn’t ever explicitly asked for his help. But he was there.

If not as his friend, but as his lieutenant.

Everyone knew how rough he took her death, the ever-present feeling of guilt of him not being present as she wasted away into nothing but a frail shell, always asking the nurses as she stared out the window of the home. ‘Is Johnny here? Johnny promised he would visit.’

And he had promised he would visit.

Bounced from one op to the next, never leaving him enough time to settle back and breathe- let alone open his mind to the giant emotional liability that was his frail and fading mother. So he pointedly ignored it- not that he would ever tell anyone that. He doesn’t think that anyone could torture that information out of him.

The rage and the guilt built up in his gut when he found out, from a voicemail of all things that his mother was dead.

It was that or another text his sister would send to be left on read.

Simon sat with him, as he mourned. A distance in his eyes he couldn’t exactly place as his hand rested on his back as he sobbed as he’d only done when he was a boy. Trying to let the never-ending flow of guilt and pain from his body.

He saw himself in the mirror a few days later, and stared back at a ghost.

And he saw it.

The haze.

The haze Simon would get in his eyes sometimes was never present long enough for someone to point it out even if they were able to recognize the look on his already guarded face.

The unmistakable pain, the glaze over of loss that took chunks of anyone’s soul mauling it open and goring it out onto the street like a public spectacle.

It was when they were driving home from her funeral that Simon spoke, not Ghost, not his Luitenant. The mask wasn’t present, his face was bare to the world as he clung to the shadows, the background of the funeral processions.

But Simon.

“I want you to promise me something, Johnny.”

John’s head raised, glancing over to him and seeing the white-knuckle grip he held on the steering wheel. “What’s that?” He asked.

“Don’t blame yourself,” Simon said, keeping his eyes fixed on the road. As if when or if he glanced over to meet his confused gaze his facade would crack and everything around them would crumble.

John felt his throat tighten.

“Don’t let it eat you up,” Simon started again. “Don’t let it burrow itself inside you, I…” He paused as if trying to find the right words for the situation. “Guilt is a dangerous thing, and it’ll kill you, or those around you if you let it.”

John didn’t know what to say, mulling over the words.

It felt like he was sitting at the bottom of the well, and the water kept rising at his feet. But he’d be able to swim, would he not? Just float with the water to the top and climb out.

He’d seen what loss had done to other men.

He’d seen what it could do- the hole it gnawed into your soul.

He was sure, it would never happen to him. He was stronger than that.

Better than that.

“I promise.” He stared, watching as Simon blinked a few times whisking away a collection of moisture in the corner of his eyes.

“I promise.”

John sunk down onto the cold tile floor of the bathroom listening as Simon slammed the hotel door behind him.

He’d broken his promise.

#Jittersverse AU #Simon Ghost Riley #simon 'ghost' riley #Soap x Ghost #SoapGhost #SoapGhoast Angst #Simon 'Ghost' Riley x John 'Soap' Mactavish

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sunnydayjackass · 2 years

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some jack angst?

It wasn't supposed to be like this. Jack had done everything right. He did everything for you. He knew you better than you knew yourself...didn't he?

Why?

Why??

Why???

Why aren't you choosing him? Why don't you want him? Why don't you need him? What did he do?

The thoughts play on an endless haunting loop in the confines of his skull, rattling around to pull him further down this spiral. It felt like drowning, this absence of sorts that you'd been seemingly indifferent or oblivious too. He hoped, god did he ever hope, it was the latter rather than the former. Jack just felt so... cold and hollow without you, without your attention. Without your affection. Any scrap would do just...why? What does he have to do for you to see just how much he loves you?

Ever since you'd picked up Ian's phone call, it felt like you were miles away. Your thoughts somehow muddled, torn between actions and memories. Two pasts colliding together in an ultimately unfortunate concoction for Jack. Jack, the man who had helped pull you up and out to a healthier happier you, Jack who supported you in the good days as well as the bad. He wasn't daunted by the difficulties because all that mattered was YOU.

So why won't you look at him that way?

Why won't you just accept his undying love?

The plethora of whys echo in a cacophony of agony that has Jack leaning forward, elbows on his knees as he runs his hands through his hair with a strangled sound.

Things only got worse when you got a new temporary roommate. You had assured Jack that's what this was and...of course he trusted you, he always trusts you. But doubt is like bile, rising and making him feel sick the longer Shaun is around. The way the pair of you reminice and laugh, the way Shaun knows delicate pieces of you, gleaned from time spent. Jack wanted those gems of you for himself, to snatch them from anyone else's hands. Nobody could truly cherish you like he could. But the more you and Shaun go out- the more Jack feels like a third wheel. Unable to contribute to the conversations and only to hover at your side with the occasional touch to you as though to ground himself and remind you he's there.

Temporary somehow feels like eternity and Jack loathes it.

You're all he wants.

You're all Jack has.

Gloved hands run over his face as the pads of his fingers run over his eyes tiredly. There's dark resignation, a heaviness deep in the pit of his stomach. Jack trusts you but sometimes...sometimes he just needs to step in. What would you do without him? You've said as much yourself. Jack's doing this for you. And surely you'll see, you'll understand- sweet soul that you are. If it means getting his hands dirty for you, it's worth it. A worthy sacrifice to secure your adoration and love. You'll need him. You'll want him.

These obstacles are ones that can be removed. Jack's smart, he's cunning, he's clever-the bright colors and sunny smile are well practiced tools. Hell...you very well may not even know the strings he's going to pull to orchestrate this plan of sorts. You don't have to, no...Jack wouldn't want to burden you. Let him shoulder these difficulties for you. Sometimes the right thing to do isn't so simple, complications arise and these are by no fault of your own.

You broke up with Ian because he hurt you.

Shaun is making up to you because he got too busy for you.

Jack? Jack would never. You're his sunshine, his world revolves around you and your warmth. And no one else is worthy of that. Deserves that from you. All you've done is give and give and give...and what as it ever gotten you but hurt and abandoned? Jack picked up those pieces of you before, helped put you back together.

There's only one solution that rings like a bell of clarity to permanently solve these problems. And he's just so glad you're smart enough to keep bleach well stocked.

#somethings wrong with sunny day jack #there's something wrong with sunny day jack #theres something wrong with sunny time jack #something's wrong with sunny day jack #tswwsdj #swwsdj #sunny day jack #sdj #sdj x reader #sunny day jack x reader

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devildom-drabbles · 2 years

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Heyya I have a request, feels a bit angsty about this one.

Where MC kinda damage their eyes because of their own action leads to their eyes damaged (so kinda like blind temporary and wearing a blindfold too)

and need a long recovery(because I don't want to be to cruel here let MC have happy ending too) and feeling frustrated because their eyesight are important to them and it make them impatient for the recovery (maybe something connect to their talent or hobbies or unable to see their loves one)

I just wondering how sometimes the brothers help and calm down MC when they're frustrated for their temporary circumstances.

Sorry for the delay in answering this! Ooh, this is a little angsty, but the boys would definitely do what they could to help MC get through this time. Also, I did see your other ask about including the dateables/side characters, too, so they’re here with the brothers. Thanks for the prompt! Enjoy! =)

How would everyone respond when MC becomes temporarily blind from an injury?

Lucifer would act like his usual self for the most part, with the occasional check-in to see how MC is doing and if they need anything. However, on the inside, he’s incredibly worried for their well-being--it’s already dangerous enough for a human in the Devildom, and now if other demons catch word of their temporary blindness...well, Lucifer is going to make sure that he or one of his brothers is with MC at all times outside of HoL. Still, he wouldn’t want anyone to know just how concerned he is, so the rest of his protectiveness comes out in discreet ways. For example, he’d “forget” to include MC in the chore schedule for the first week. Afterward, he’d not only give MC the easiest chores he can think of, but he’d even sometimes complete them ahead of time for strangely logical reasons. He’d also make his rounds throughout HoL more than usual each day in order to ensure there is nothing obstructing MC’s path, like a stack of Akuzon packages in the entrance hall. Whenever he’s in MC’s general vicinity, he’d subtly assess how they’re doing from afar while considering how else he might be of help to them. When MC bursts from a build-up of frustration, he’d quietly listen to their woes before suggesting possible solutions to certain problems, hoping that may ease their stress a bit. He’d then remind them that their circumstances aren’t permanent so they just need to be patient a little longer, allowing them to find solace in his embrace for as long as they need.

Mammon would be constantly looking out for MC, practically glued to their side to ensure they’re okay until their vision is back to normal. Whether it’s in HoL, at RAD, out in town, or even at Purgatory Hall, Mammon wouldn’t stray far from the human. He’d also walk them to and from RAD every day, always with some excuse as to why he “just so happened” to be waiting by the door at the exact moment they were ready to leave. It’s blatantly obvious to everyone that he’s worried about them, but he’d vehemently deny it, claiming that he’s just watching over them because Lucifer ordered him to back when they first arrived in the Devildom. (That was a long time ago, Mammon...) Of course, the truth would come out in his tsundere manner if MC confronts about it when they’re alone. He’d begrudgingly back off if MC feels his behavior is overbearing, but it wouldn’t be long before he’s back again, albeit at more of a distance this time. Since he knows they’re not as aware of their surroundings, he’d alert them in a casual way whenever someone has entered or exited the room they’re in or something new is happening so that they won’t be caught by surprise at any point. For instance: “Oh, hey, Asmo. I see ya got your nail kit. You goin’ around to touch up everyone’s nail polish again?” When MC becomes overwhelmingly upset from their condition, Mammon is great at applying calming techniques with them or simply holding them in his arms for a while. Once they’ve relaxed, he’d take them to do something fun to get their mind off things, even helping them engage in one of their hobbies, if they’d like.

Leviathan would have a hard time figuring out what he could do for MC during this time. If MC wants, he’d hold off on continuing any anime or video games that they were enjoying together before the accident until they’re able to see again. If not, then he’d do his best to narrate what’s going on in these things to give MC the best experience possible--they’re sure to get all the important and even the most minute details from Levi’s rambling. He’d also take care of any of the daily login bonuses and events in the mobile games MC plays so that they won’t be behind on anything. Aside from his aid in the 2D worlds, he’d try to help them with real-life situations as well whenever they ask. In the instances where MC is feeling frustrated about their current predicament, he’d tell them about all the manga/anime and video game characters he knows that are blind or wear blindfolds who still do incredible things. In fact, he thinks you look cool with a blindfold on, MC! Why not try cosplaying as some of these characters? “You’re amazing just like them,” Levi says, “so it’d be perfect!” If that doesn’t help, then he’d lend them his headphones so they could listen to his favorite Sucre Frenzy and anime songs that always cheer him up when he’s feeling down. He’d let them rest their head on his shoulder, too, while the music plays so that they can relax better--although, Levi’s heart is far from relaxed at this close contact...but in a good way.

Satan, after learning about MC’s situation, would immediately begin researching how humans are impacted by blindness and what they do to navigate the world without sight, allowing him to better aid MC during their recovery period. On top of that, he’d make copies of his class notes for MC so they can focus more on listening to the lectures instead, and then after school, he’d assist them in preparing for upcoming exams and completing their homework. Since they can’t read for the time being, he’d download audiobooks for them or read aloud any book they were in the middle of or have been interested in before their accident. Also, whenever they go out somewhere together, he likes to explain their surroundings for MC in a poetic way, including a loving description of how he sees them in hopes of bringing a smile to their face. When MC is feeling down because of the situation, he’d take them to a cat cafe to relax by petting the soft animals. He’d also do his best to assure them that things will get better and that he’s more than willing to join them in their usual hobbies so that they can still enjoy them with his help.

Asmodeus would be the first to jump in to assist MC with their morning and nighttime routines, especially skin care. He knows exactly how MC cares for their face, so he’d do it just the way they like it while also suggesting other products for him to try on them, partly because he wants their skin to be as healthy and radiant as his is but also because he wants to spend more time being close to them like this. On the weekends, he’d already have an outfit picked out for MC to wear during the day, and he’d practically beg them to let him tag along if they decide to go shopping. “I’ll make sure you stay looking as beautiful as ever each day until your pretty eyes are all better, okay, darling?” He’d love to help them with bathing and changing their clothes, too, but the rest of the brothers would make sure he isn’t involved in those processes unless MC gives him permission. When MC expresses their frustration from not being able to see, Asmo would immediately bring them to his room for a self-care session, which is basically a mini spa day complete with words of affirmation and physical affection (including delicate kisses on their eyelids/blindfold). It breaks his heart to know they’re upset, so he plans to shower them with extra love to brighten their spirits.

Beelzebub would become more protective of MC than usual once he finds out about their injury. In the back of his mind, he blames himself somewhat for them getting hurt in the first place--he thinks he should’ve been there to ensure the accident never happened (despite no one expecting this to occur). So, he’d be by MC’s side as often as he can while they’re recovering. If it’s too much, a good reassuring talk would comfort him enough to give the human more space, but he can’t entirely stop himself from wanting to watch over them since they’re as important to him as his family is. He’d hold MC’s hand a lot when walking anywhere, or even carrying them sometimes if the path seems unsafe or the area is too crowded. Also, as he normally does, he’d make sure that they’re getting enough to eat at every meal, especially if their melancholy causes them to lose their appetite. If MC wants to exercise, he would spot them the whole time so that they can continue safely without straining themself since their eyes are healing. When MC gets overwhelmed from their current condition, he’d buy them their favorite snacks to cheer them up, but if they’re not hungry, he’d give them a long hug instead, only letting go once they’re feeling better.

Belphegor’s personal goal during this time is to make sure that MC isn’t pushing themself to the point where their actions could be detrimental to their recovery. He’d encourage MC to relax as much as they could so that their eyes could heal more quickly, and he’d drag them to the nearest bed or sofa whenever he thinks they haven’t been getting enough rest. Prepare to be trapped in his vice grip snuggling until you finally agree to sleep, MC. He’d also help them with RAD work and studying, even forcing himself to stay awake in the classes they both have together in order to aid them whenever they seem to be struggling (and then afterward, he’d tell them that they have to nap with him as payment for his “hard work”). Aside from that, he’d try to treat MC as if everything were normal to prevent them from thinking about their current circumstances. When MC mentions how frustrated they are about this situation, he’d gently pull them in for an impromptu cuddle session (if they weren’t already cuddling), rubbing their back soothingly while listening to them vent until they’re able to calm down.

Diavolo would come straight to HoL to visit MC after hearing about what happened to them. Once he sees for himself that they’re all right and just need time for their eyes to recover, his demeanor finally softens, having been in a panic that the situation was far worse and irreversible. He might suggest that MC return to the human world until they’re completely recovered since they could receive “better care for a human” there, but he wouldn’t force them if they refuse. During this time, he’d check in on them at RAD or through a phone call just to make sure they’re still doing okay. He’d also always ask if there’s anything he can do for them--seriously, no matter what you may need during this time, MC, he’d step in to help you in a heartbeat. For example, he’d start requiring the teachers at RAD to record their lessons so that MC (and any other students who may be sick/absent or simply struggling academically) can listen to them at home to aid in their studying. He’d gladly even let MC stay in the castle with him so that he and Barbatos can help them more easily--and so that Diavolo has a “valid excuse” to get out of doing paperwork to spend more time with the human. When MC becomes agitated from their current circumstances, he’d invite them to his room so that they have privacy to tell him everything that’s bothering them. He’d sympathize with their troubles and provide them with encouraging words to lift their spirits, tossing in a few silly comments as well to make them laugh. He’d then assist them in tackling each difficulty they’re facing one at a time until the day comes when their eyes have completely healed.

Barbatos’s initial response to the news of MC’s injury is to prepare a gift basket filled with items that have healing properties (including potions, creams, and teas) and MC’s favorite treats that he baked himself. He’d deliver this directly to the human when he accompanies Diavolo to visit them for the first time after the accident, and before leaving, he’d request that MC call upon him at any time for whatever they may require during their recovery. Whether MC does take him up on his offer or is with him in general, he’d basically act as their personal butler, wanting to ensure that all of their needs are met and assist them with the struggles they encounter. He gives them a warning before he does anything so as not to startle them, like, “I’m going to place the handle of the teacup in your dominant hand now.” or “MC, there’s some lint on you. Do you mind if I remove it? My hand is going to touch just below the neckline of your shirt to get it.” When MC is feeling upset due to their loss of sight, he’d take them outside to the castle gardens for some fresh air. Once they’ve calmed down, he’d apologize if he overstepped his boundaries by helping them too much and was part of the reason they were frustrated. Although he doesn’t have the power to immediately fix their vision, he’d do whatever else it takes to cheer them up, even if that’s just putting aside his butler duties to sit by their side for a while.

Simeon would feel a bit on edge until he hears from MC that they’re all right and just need time for their eyes to recover. Since MC has the demon brothers looking out for them, he wouldn’t worry quite as much about their health and safety, yet he’d still find himself watching over them whenever they’re together or from afar. He’d give MC endless support and patience each time he’s with them, assuring them that they’re doing very well with everything despite not being able to see and never rushing them when they’re walking or working on something. He’d invite them to Purgatory Hall more often in case the quieter environment would benefit their recovery. Then, when they do decide to come over, he’d make sure to escort them both to the building and back to HoL, already having a variety of pleasant conversation topics and easygoing activities planned out for the duration of their time together. His heart aches when he listens to MC explain how much their vision loss is bothering them, which includes not being able to see their loved ones’ faces. “You may not be able to see us right now,” Simeon remarks, “but we’re always by your side.” He lifts your hand to rest it on his cheek. “Myself included. Just reach out for me, and I’ll be there.” He’d also extend his aid when MC wants to engage in their hobbies, especially writing and cooking, so that they’re still able to enjoy doing it. Oh, unless your hobbies are connected to technology in some way, MC, in which case, he’d have to direct you to Levi or someone else who can help you without accidentally making things worse.

Solomon would first ask MC about the incident that caused their temporary blindness, not only out of curiosity but mainly because he wants to determine if there’s a way he could prevent this from happening to them again, such as by making them a magic-infused charm. Afterwards, he’d be compiling a list of magic solutions for every-day situations to teach or use for MC until their sight returns. He does worry for them since they’re surrounded by demons on a daily basis, so he’d also cast some protection spells on them that would save them in a pinch if a malicious demon would strike them unexpectedly. Reassured by the help that he’s given, along with MC’s determination to continue life as they normally would, he’d resume interacting with MC as if nothing is different. When he notices that MC is getting annoyed by the problems caused from not being able to see, he’d suggest they work together to brainstorm how else they might minimize or even eliminate these challenges. Or, if they just need a friend to vent to, he’d agree to that, too, while coming up with solutions to their troubles in the back of his mind. “You know,” Solomon speaks up at one point, “if having one of your favorite human world dishes would also cheer you up, then I’d be happy to make it for you. ...No? Oh, you like cooking, so you want to do it yourself? I understand. Then, maybe I could help you cook-- Whoa, slow down, MC! You’re going to bump into something if you hurry off like that!”

Luke immediately would want to help MC as much as he could after learning about their injury. Whether it’s at RAD, Purgatory Hall, or out in town, he’d stick close to MC’s side to make sure they didn’t trip or run into anything and to give them details about things they couldn’t see, such as what the newest cake looks like in the display window of Madam Scream’s. He’d feel sad whenever MC expresses frustration with their condition, but he’d do his best to reassure them that it’s only temporary and that they could rely on him anytime they needed to--it isn’t a burden at all to him! He’d give them hugs and bake them their favorite treats often while they’re recovering in hopes of cheering them up more.

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rainbowsky · 10 months

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RIP Sinéad 💔😢

youtube

Ugh. This one hurts.

Such an iconic, powerful, smart, beautiful, talented human. Her voice, her style, her personality were so distinct and authentic. She was a transformative force in music and culture.

Brave and bold in ways I wish more people would strive to be. She stood up for what she believed in, in the face of breathtaking cruelty and hate.

She was one of the first people on the planet who was willing to speak out against the Catholic church, decades before any real movement for change actually occurred. The strength it took for her to do that... the venomous wall of hate and intimidation she faced, the slander and vitriol from all sides... she was far ahead of her time.

When music execs wanted to turn her into a sex symbol she walked straight out of their office and into a barber shop and shaved her head.

One of the few people willing to put her money where her mouth was. She was The Real Thing.

She was an inspiration, truly.

Rest in peace, you beautiful soul. 💔🤧

EDIT: Here's an excellent article discussing some of the reasons she was so groundbreaking, for those who didn't know her well.

[CW suicide discussed in the context of prevention]

If you are struggling, please reach out for help. Don't seek permanent solutions to temporary problems. There is always hope. Sometimes all you have to do to survive is to not interfere with your body's will to live. If your heart and mind can't get you through something, your body will if you let it.

I know this time of year can be hard. Please reach out for support if you find yourself in a dark place. There is someone out there who wants to help you. Give them the gift of the opportunity to make a difference in your life.

Please find a support service near you. ❤️

#personal #off topic

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theconstitutionisgayculture · 8 months

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Yes yes Canada's MAID system is awful. People belong to the collective and should have no say over their own lives. They must be forced to suffer because some random dickhead thinks its better for them to live in agony than choose to die. Their lives and bodies are not their own, they are the collectives.

You're using a whole bunch of words you don't know the meaning to, my dude.

Anyway, I guess I have to say this again, but in a country where the government runs the healthcare system, you cannot have a legal assisted suicide program that the government won't pressure vulnerable people into using so it doesn't have to pay for their treatment. You already see it happening with MAID and the stories of people going to get help for things like depression and the Canadian doctors offering them MAID instead.

Let me put it this way. Would you trust a healthcare system in the US run by an appointee of a president you hate to ethically and morally administer an assisted suicide program? Do you truly think the same government that perpetuates the systemic abuses basically every political party accuses it of to ethically and morally administer an assisted suicide program?

I absolutely do support the right of individuals to end their own life. I don't think they should choose to do it. I firmly believe that in almost all cases suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, and even with terminal illness, palliative care is preferable to killing yourself. But I don't support assisted suicide. Once you have an agency, especially a government run agency, weighing in on whether or not a person should end their own life, it immediately stops being a decision an individual makes on their own and turns into something they're being pressured into, for one reason or another. And pressuring someone to kill themselves is murder, full stop.

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mitsuyaya · 1 year

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Hi can i order mellow carnation + kita + 17 + mami (hush let me live my dreams xD)/love + zack tabudlo nangangamba. Thank u.

Shuta ang creative nyo sa mga events! I'm so jelly! Also this is so exciting! Wishing u all luck for this event!

𝐍𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐚𝐦𝐛𝐚 (𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐝)

♡ contains: 976 words. friends to lovers, unrequited but not actually, light angst to fluff

♡ summary: With every tug of the rope from the other side, you let yourself fall, you let yourself lose – if it means making Kita happy and unaware of your feelings then you don't regret anything.

♡ end note: I forgot to use the petname 💀 (lmao i just posted this now bcos I'm so lazy)

Avoidance is the better option, for now that is.

Simply turning the other way, diverting your gaze and trying to avoid confrontations with him is just a temporary solution to a problem that will soon be permanent.

Hide and seek was one of the childish games you used to love and play with as a kid — funny, you're using those skills in real life now.

Hiding behind the classroom doors, making yourself tiny and unnoticeable amidst the bustling crowd, dashing to get to the other building in order to avoid him, to avoid your friend.

It's strange those skills you learned were still lacking, that after your years of practice, mastering the art of stealthing – you'll still be found, would still be the ‘sore loser’ in this kind of game.

That after all the barricades you throw yourself into, in the end it's of no use, because with just one call you're weak, with one look at him you'll be easy to give in – when Kita calls out your name, you'll be defeated again.

With his dull brown eyes, drooping with exhaustion, you found yourself being submerged into nothingness once again. Sinking into distress, anxiety and fear once more – a never ending cycle once you look at those eyes.

“Why are you avoiding me y/n? Did I do something wrong?” he starts, sunken eyes still fixated on yours, still staring at your soul.

His palms are soft against your trembling wrist, if he wasn't focused on your face he would've noticed that you're shaking, from fear or from the adrenaline of running – it's unidentifiable.

Tilting your head to the side, mustering the final restraint to keep your facade: “You didn't do anything wrong, I'm just busy these days.”

“You’re lying”

In any other day you hoped that Kita notices your every movement, every little changes, the minor details you do – craved for his attention on you always, to look and notice you only, but now you're begging for him to not be observant, to bury those words just the way it is now and just dig for it some other time.

Seems like that won't be happening.

“Tell me why are you avoiding me, have I made you uncomfortable? Did I do something to offend you? Did I unconsciously—”

“No”

“Then tell me the reason” he pleads, with his hands gripping your wrist, so tight that you could feel your chest tightening yet loose that you could feel him slip away with just one wrong move.

“Please”

Please, tell me so I can understand.

Would risking be the better solution?

Avoidance seems to be out of the choices.

Should you just risk it and let fate play what it wants or should you just run and find a better place to hide, start another game of hide and seek?

Please Y/n, I don't want to lose you like this, I don't want for us to drift away without doing anything.

Conscience really does play a huge part in a human’s nature.

“I-i just thought I can't be your friend anymore, I don't want to be just your friend.”

For a second you contemplate whether to finish it or not, finish the sentence and then what? Ruin your friendship.

Leaving it just like that? Also ruining your friendship.

“I think I like you Kita and I just don't know what to do, so I thought if I avoid you and won't see you again maybe my feelings would be gone… but it didn't”

Aside from hide and seek, this whole thing is like playing tug of war; with you on the other side and Kita on the opposing side.

Putting all of your strength and effort into tugging the rope while he does the same — there's three outcomes: you lose and fall flat, you win but he'll fall, or it'll break and both of you would fall.

At first you find losing to be a better alternative, find him laugh without ever knowing that anxiety cripples your heart and mind, find him smile at you without knowing how much it loses your breath, find him be the man you could never have while you cower in defeat.

Truly it's the lamest option, but what else can you do, what else is there?

Be selfish and win the game but watch him walk away from you? That's much worse.

“It’s fine if you don't feel the same, I wasn't expecting you to–”

“Who told you I don't feel the same way?”

Kita releases your wrist, catches your hands and guides it to his face – that look in his face that you loved resurfaces, glimmering with utmost bliss, corners of his lips reaching his ears, you're afraid his cheeks will fall off.

“I like you too” his sincerity radiates through you, engulfing you in his arms with such gentleness that it felt unrealistic.

“I also felt scared telling you so I didn't say anything but the others told me to confess.” his breathing lulls you, heaving up and down – this still feels like a dream, everything is.

His arm on your waist, the other resting on your cheek, his lips pressed on your crown – time felt unmoving.

“I like you y/n, promise me you won't avoid me again” if everything is a dream, then, would staying be alright?

Would living in this fever dream mean you committed a crime? Then if so, you're willing to be a sinner.

You're more than happy to commit a crime if it meant staying in his warmth.

“I promise.”

The whole thing is still a mess, everything; from the confession, the reciprocation of feelings, the evasion – everything still seems to be lacking, still unclear and yet the silence and warmth is enough for now.

Everything seems to be clear when he's near, maybe for now, this would be a better explanation.

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itzrafee · 4 months

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SPOILERS for The Sandman comic book series. All of it. Especially the ending. Okay spoiler alert over.

And a content warning about suicide.

I'm not into the fandom of Sandman so I don't know if Gaiman addressed this or if this is a widely held thought but from the incredibly affecting day I finished it so long ago, I've always held the belief that the series is essentially Morpheus's suicide note. Essentially, it being a series of him wrapping up his affairs as he orchestrated his death. I remember reading the quote from Gaiman, "“The Lord of Dreams learns that one must change or die, and makes his decision." and then realizing his actions in a purposeful way, lead to his death. He set it all up. I know he says he didn't but how else can you see his actions? He even finds his own successor. He comes back out into a dreamless world that could use him more than ever and he's tired. He's playing catch-up and barely keeping up. And his devotion to his duty doesn't let him rest. He sees the need and knows he can't fill it. He can't meet the change. He tells his sister as much. And his constant orbit around his sister shows him everything he can't be. And the opportunity that lies there.

But that's not what The Sandman is about, it's just what it is. What I find the most interesting is when the Dreams of Morpheus come together with Stories that are a result of those Dreams. And how Death wraps those two up in her arms. They're all intrinsically tied to each other. The Inn at the end of the world serving as both the prologue and epilogue to Morpheus's death really shows that they are. We are a lot of things, people I mean. Or maybe just even living things. But in one way we are the same. We are stories. We have a beginning. We have a middle. And unfortunately we have an end.

I don't know if it was just me but I remember feeling a profound emptiness and hollowness at the end of The Sandman. A grief at the story ending. And I feel as if that is what Gaiman intended. Through the inn we learn of the ways Morpheus had affected people. When we leave this world we leave a lot of grief behind. Grief in the form of stories and dreams. I remember once seeing an ask of Gaiman where it was mentioned he was the one who said "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem". And I think The Sandman reinforces that philosophy through the grief it shows. In a way, the tales those at the World's End Inn share are a form of grief but we also see the way dreams, death, stories and grief intersect in many of the important side characters. Hod Gadling, an incarnation of dreams as much as death, an outlier and an immortal. Someone who more than almost anyone would mourn Morpheus. We see it in the Dead Boy Detectives, a ghoulish emptiness where a story should end. And in Orpheus, forced to live on in grief. They are all twisted apparitions of dreams, of death, of stories, and of grief.

We are stories. And when we end, people grieve. They grieve through retelling and remembering. One of my favourite iterations of this idea is the story of Shakespeare and Hamlet. Shakespeare pays for the price of his dreams through his son and as we in the real world know, he grieves through telling a story of Hamnet. Hamnet gets turned into a tale that lives on long after he passes. These are all imperfect forms of life and death but they're all stories that do end. They have to. Maybe through telling and dreaming up these stories we keep them alive just a bit longer. Maybe until the heat death of it all, Hob Gadling will live on, being the last person Death take in, but she will take him. Death may be a mug's game but it's a game we all have to play. And grief is the price those that love us pay for it. It's the high cost of living.

#the sandman #the sandman spoilers #I hope i'm not misremembering too much and this actually makes sense #it's been so long since I read it #something I wrote recently about cowboy bebop brought me back to this train of thought #beyond that I hope the ideas make sense too #cw: sui mention

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crossdressingdeath · 4 months

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In my Gith playthrough i just had Karlach become a mindflayer so my Tav, Lae'Zel and Orpheus go on to liberate the Githyanki together. And hey, Karlach doesn't have to go back to the hells.

It's always bizarre to me when people talk like Karlach becoming a mind flayer is a better ending for her than going back to the Hells. Especially now that the patch 5 epilogue confirms that just six months into her time there she and whoever she went with have made huge steps towards a permanent solution. Does it suck that Karlach has to go back to the Hells even temporarily? Yes. But it is temporary. Once they figure out how to fix the engine she can come back, and all evidence suggests that they are going to figure out how to fix it (and quite soon at that). Becoming a mind flayer, though? That's forever. There's no fixing it. She will be a soulless, tentacled monster vulnerable to being dragged into hive minds and forced to eat brains to survive until the day she dies, and even that's assuming she doesn't eventually lose herself. Like, obviously everyone can do what they want with their story (gith Tav, Lae'zel and Orpheus going off to free the githyanki together is a solid ending!), but to say that that's a better ending for Karlach just because she doesn't have to go to the Hells is... hm. I don't buy it. And I know she's the one who suggests it and I know she seems happy with it, but she thinks about it for what, thirty seconds? A minute? That's really not enough time to actually consider the ramifications of this choice! It's a huge thing that can't be taken back or undone and it's done as a snap decision immediate solution with the fate of Faerûn hanging in the balance, that's... not a combination that gives me hope she'll be happy with it long term even before going into things like how a mind flayer player character—and presumably also a non-player Karlach, since there's no reason for her response to be different in that situation—spends the whole party being tempted to devour their friends' brains (not a pleasant situation for anyone to be in, especially not someone as kind as Karlach). It's a bit like saying ascended Astarion is the better ending because he can walk in the sun, or god Gale is the better ending because the orb situation is dealt with; sure, that particular problem is sorted! But their other endings also either solve that problem (if Gale gives Mystra the Crown she removes the orb for him) or include plenty of hope that they'll find a solution (there are loads of ways for vampires to walk in the sun and if you romance him you can suggest to Astarion that the two of you go looking for one), and while those solutions might not be as perfect as the characters would like they don't come with the massive negative side effects of their bad endings. I really don't think not having to go to the Hells makes up for turning into a mind flayer!

#bg3 #karlach #asks #anon

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the-raging-tempest · 6 months

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👾 for elowen?

Hey Ama!!! Thank you! Glad to answer about my cleric Tehehe. This one was also hard to pick! But I landed on Faking My Own Death by Allison Ponthier.

In my mind this song is a bitter sweet song about letting go of the past. Of cycles of rebirth but also as a cycle of self destruction and isolation. Always remaking yourself instead of getting to know who you really are.

I just wanna say that I'm sorry in advance

Count on me like clockwork, it won't work

The only promise I can make is I'm changing all my plans

And you'll never see me again

Elowen never stays in one place for long. Never commits to anything for too long and tries to push everyone away from her. Because she knows she will one day be gone and she doesn’t actually want to hurt people. Seeing herself as the problem with no solution. All she can guarantee is that she won’t stick around.

I'm warning you it's over before it began

We're diving in headfirst, in reverse

You're swimming through my wake and I'm slipping through your hands

And you'll never see me again

She often finds herself doing the reverse of what’s ‘normal’ in relationships. Where she supports others and immediately wants a deep and meaningful connection. Only to find herself unhappy with the idea of that person knowing her weakness. The more she opens up the more likely you’ll never see her again. Disappearing in the night.

Typical, it's so cyclical

I got one foot out the door

But I don't fight it anymore

She’s used to leaving people. She’s used to ripping off that bandaid before they can really know her. Hurt her. Every relationship she has she knows it’s temporary. But she believes she can’t change this about herself.

Don't hold your breath, I'm faking my own death

I'll drop a burning match and burn the bridge that takes me back

Don’t wait for her, or you’ll end up waiting forever. She can’t bear to turn back. It’s painful and sometimes cruel but she burns all the bridges she makes. Because she doesn’t want to face who she was, who she still is. Sometimes she even does it with malice. Thinking if she’s mean the other person won’t follow her.

I'm putting it to rest, I'm faking my own death

Three years passes and I'm rising from the ashes

I'm rising from the ashes

Like a phoenix she was ‘born’ again when she almost died. Rising from the ashes of her old life. She’s going to let Vorn believe she’s dead. She was never after the money or the estate.

I'm stuck repeating history and I just can't help myself

It's almost like I'm always someone else

She’s stuck in the cycle of growing attached to people who she knows will hurt her. So she can justify leaving to herself. While burning bridges away from anything real and authentic. Never being herself.

There's nothing you could say to me in sickness or in health

I hate it just as well

She believes there is no relationship that would make her happy. Because if they were stable and loved her. She’d would want to escape because she’ll hurt them. ‘No don’t go’ would make her want to leave just as much as someone’s indifference would convince her to leave them behind. There is no comfort someone could offer her that she would believe was permanent.

#oc: elowen #ask game answers #about elowen

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eldritch-spouse · 2 years

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Why does Krulu need a living body in the first place? Why don’t he just use a corpse as vessel, like he can do with Admin’s husk? There’s no mind, no will, no tempter. He just basically need a doll to do work and fuck. He could made Patches make a golem as vessel and there’s would be much less trouble with searching a perfect living being. Like, the ultimate bobble

And if Krulu just wanted to torture a human, he got plenty of them inside The Clergy. Also, according to lore humans are weak, Admin can’t handle most of Krulu’s power, so why don’t make an inanimate being that can?

Krulu just like being an asshole, am I right?

[Alright- *cracks knuckles*]

Why does he need a host?

I'm pretty sure this is in the masterlist. But, in case it's not. Krulu is in hiding. He's an escapist. The best way to muffle a siadar's presence is through mixing it with a host's "dullness", the perfect camouflage. Krulu can and will eventually let go of your body, but it's far too soon for such.

Why not a corpse?

I don't know about you, but being inside a corpse has got to be fucking nasty. I don't think any self-respecting god would do that. Or, at the very least, it would require reanimation, which is a whole lot of effort when you can simply just- Pick a living human??

Why not inanimate objects?

Simple. The best connection is one kept with a human. As Krulu's host, you're an anchor, a tether. Siadar are too much to simply possess an object. There needs to be a soul. An entity- Even animals will fail to hold them. Golems are only temporary solutions to a near-permanent problem as of now.

Husks are not ideal hosts, because, again, the soul has been snuffed out.

Why not monsters?

Monsters, save for angels, aren't direct creations of the siadar like humans, lessers who are, incredibly enough, more apt to handle gods than monsters themselves in spite of their perceived physical frailness.

The reason the siadar can't use monsters as hosts is because most monsters, no matter how humanoid, still possess siadar DNA, and thus, it's like trying to possess another one of their kind. No matter how insignificant, it's enough to cause rejection and possibly harm both parties in the process.

Krulu and Admin's particular case:

The reason Krulu struggled with Admin is not because they're "too weak to handle him"- Au contraire, they're actually one of the most adaptable humans out there, that's what gets them through the initial stage of contact.

The problem here resides mainly in two aspects:

1) Krulu has not attempted to possess anyone in way too long. He was rusty at it when he claimed Admin, which hurt the human in various ways that he then corrected. On top of that, he was not in the right mindset at the time to make a clean, painless transfer from Ludwig to Admin. It was a mess, nothing was on his side, but even then, it was a miraculous success.

2) With the end of contact between siadars and humans, the natural ability lessers possess to welcome gods within them is diminished from disuse and non-selective breeding surveillance by higher authorities. Admin is a diamond in a desert, per say.

Does Krulu just enjoy being an asshole?

Also yes.

Hope this makes sense.

#Krulu oc

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sheisaloneandlonley · 8 days

Text

...

"Man, I wish I hadn't killed myself. Those people down there really loved me."

It's a permanent solution to a temporary problem

I want to die

I think about it a lot, and I know I am not unique in it. It's a rising sentiment. There are thousands of us, even still knowing that understanding that fact, this feeling is completely isolating. There's no way someone could be this sad they pray to not wake up in the morning, consistently. I'm not even the only one in this family who thinks it. How the hell do I not have company? How am I so alone.

.....

I think I have sundowners, I only get like this right before Im trying to go to sleep.

My mom doesn't like it when I talk. But my dad does, but he doesn't really like me, well neither of them really do...but he listens and thinks it's interesting what I have to add...but my mom gets mad

.....

"It's just not that much fun having fun when you don't want to have fun, mom"

This is why fake it to you make it isn't working this is why faking it is making it worse this is when you need to realize that grass on he other side is astroterf and the sun has heated it to burning, it is not an appropriate place for a picknic. There is no keeping up with the Joneses here...this illness is chronic and I can't continue to give energy to a future that is unatanibly green as the fact plastic on the other side.

....

My mom says I'm good at making something out of nothing. So I say nothing and I say nothing and I say nothing and Drs get away with assault and murder and my boss gets away with sexual harassment and my God father gets away with calling me a joke and I say nothing and I say nothing and I say nothing and when it's to much and the cracks in the damn break and all the abuse I have shouldered silent come out of me in a torental fit a barrier that can no longer hold back the hurt mom has the audacity to be shocked at all that I've had to endure and she has the nerve to make me guilty of keeping my silence so I say nothing and I say nothing and I say nothing how much is truly her fault and how much is mine? Mom says you make something out of nothing and then asks me for stories....and how much should I be able to lay at her feet and how much can I take accountability for? Blame. How much is hers and how much is mine.

....

It occurred to me that someone must wonder why I am so obsessed with my mom but she made herself all I had once, she made herself paramount in my life. At one point my mother was the only kind touch in my world and I wonder if she felt power in denying me that. I wonder if she isolated me on purpose or accidentally and I wonder which is worse, and I convince myself it doesn't matter because the end result is the same. The cornerstone of my life is my mother's approval and it is exhausting digging down to replace it.

...

As low as she makes me, she makes me as high. She is still a safety net. She still will catch me, reassure me that no matter how badly I've blundered she will pick me up. And she is the only one who is this unwavering, no matter how sad she makes me, she still loves me. No matter how much she doesn't understand me she still loves me. No matter how much hate I feel it's still love underneath all of it. And I don't want to remove her as my cornerstone, but I don't know what to do when she makes me sad.

....

My cousin blocked me after I was posting about being sick, I think that's why. Idk. My mom told me, my cousin said she'd rather die than be in my shoes. But I'd rather die too. I'd rather be dead. I want to die, I don't want to be sick, I'm not enjoying this and I'm not gonna hide it for everyone's convince, and now I feel rejected. I feel abandoned. She's sick too she's like me, and I was so excited to have comrodery. I was so happy to not be alone in this illness. And she just....it's a boundary and I will respect it. But "can't I have something that's just mine" seriously? I'm so upset. I'm mad and I'm sad and I want to throw things so they break and I want to die. And I feel like an idiot screaming it's not fair. I didn't want to be so so alone. I'm so alone. Everything sucks and I wanna die. I just, this isn't anything close to what I had pictured for myself, and I don't know how to pivot. I don't know how to roll with this anymore. I don't know how to go with the flow of this hand life delt me. And I just don't know what to do. I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing. And I don't have the energy to pretend anymore. I just want to die. I'm so tired. And no matter how much sleep I do or don't get, I'm exhausted and fumbling for what to do. I'm not getting better. I'm stagnet and getting worse. I'm getting worse and the worse I get the more people leave

A d the more people leave the worse I get. And it's the ugly endless cycle that I'm being eaten up by and I don't know what to do.

My Nino said I was a joke. And I knew he thought that, and it wasn't surprising to have that confirmation. I feltlike I should have had more of a reaction. And I justified it in my mind as him not being to serious about it.reverce psychology or somethkng. But now that my cousins are cutting me off, now that it's my generation and the one after, now that it's the ones who have gone through this same hell, now that theyre not here for me. Now I'm so madsadsickx about this. He called me a joke, to my face. He called me a joke to my face. I'm not. I'm sick. I'm in heart failure, I'm actively sick and I'm struggling so hard to get better. And I'm a joke. And I just I'm so so so so so so so so so so so so so so upset

I want to die and I can't. Because I have responsibilities, and people who would be sad. A nd I resent them. I resent the hell out of them for making me stay here with all of this. I don't know how to let this go. I want to be happy, but it's so much of an impossibility that I don't even think about it. There's no way to that outcome anymore. Theres none of that for me. And I just don't want to even try. I'm so fucking depressed I can't even get out of bed most days and I'm so fucking disappointed that I wake up and have to keep doing this. I don't want to do this anymore, but I don't have a choice. I'm so tired.

I asked for this. I asked God to let me shoulder the burden of suffering I asked for this I prayed for this I was so obsessed with stigmata and miricals and saints and I wanted to help like them. I fucking prayed for this. And now look at me.

...

I started writing goodbyes in my head. I started with my mom, then Alda, then my dad....which got a little mean, and a lot more vindictive, and then I got to Madison and I couldn't do it, not even in my head. I couldn't stop repeating I'm sorry to her. There's no one I lobw more in existence, I know what the big bang felt like because of how I love her. Every love I've felt before her is so different in comparison. Like I was looking at the world through dirty scratched up sunglasses, then Madison happened and my heart exploded open BANG it's the truest love. I can't understand how my mom and Ron treat her sometimes. She is joy personified even when she's being "bad" and I can't say a permanent goodbye to her. I can't make her sad like I'm sad. When my brother made the attempt I was devastated, I couldn't stop crying for days. If he has successfully done anything I think I wouldn't be far behind. I can't do that to them. I could consider it when it was just brother, because he would understand right, he knows what this feels like he knows how hard it is to keep going. He would forgive me. But Madison is too little I can't do that to her she wouldn't understand. I can't be sorry enough about it. I can't be that dark spot in her life. I can't do that to her. I love her so much and I want that to be enough...it has to be. It has to be! She's so good, she deserves so much better than what life is for her. She deserves siblings who aren't suicidal and parents with endless patience. And adoration and so much more love. And I can't do that to her. The guilt has to be enough, even if the love isn't. Because it's easier to hang into, to feel. Especially right now. I didn't feel better trying to outline a goodbye to her and realized I loved her too much to do it, I was just too guilty about the outcome. What if that guilt and shame doesn't go away after you die. What if you have to just exist with it indefinitely. What if God decided that was my hell. You destroyed your sister's love, now you have to carry that around for eternity. ....... It's worse right then being miserable alive? Right?

Is DISPAIR worse than guilt? No... It can't be. How the hell are these my only options? How did I end up here? What did I do? This feels like a punishment.

...

I was okay when it was my Nino, I was okay when it was my Tia Tweety and Jessica, it hurt a lot and I was sad, but I was okay.

I'm not okay now that it's my Nina...She baptized me, she did my confirmation, her laugh was my favorite sound in the world. I felt so good when she called me "my Sandra" I'm not okay. I know grief does weird things to people...I know her daddy died. I know how hard that was she was in charge of all of that. But I would never want her to feel the way she's making me feel. Is there a word for the saddest sad? It doesn't seem to encompass this feeling.

Remember when I was your favorite? How can you not remember that? How can you not remember who I am to you or who I am as a person. How did I get here? What did I do? Why do they hate me. I swear I swear I didn't do anything!

Did you ever see the movie Gravity? When Dr Ryan Stone gets thrown off structure in space? And all she can yell in her panic is "What do I do?!" Yeah....yeah.

...

I want to die it it to be not my fault.i want my Tata to come get me, I want my Nana to come get me. I want my Nana to come get me. I want my baby doggies to come get me, my Kisha baby and my baby Miss Eva

I want it to not me by fault so no one can blame me. And I want someone who loves me to come get me. And I screaming as loud as I can in my head "please come get me, please please" please let it be like the TV shows, please let them come and hold my hand and call my name and come get me. Please let me be so happy to see them, and them me and were reunited with joy and love and the take my hand when they come get me. Andnim not punished for wanting it and I'm not punished for doing it to myself. And they're just a little bit upset that noone stopped me or that jonone noticed how bad it was for me.

I thought I heard my Tata calling me last week. I was just waking up, and I thought he was standing outside my door and he called me, like he needed me to do something. Like he needed my help. I thought I heard him... I thought he was going to tell me something. Maybe about the dogs? Or my car? Maybe I had mail? Or maybe he has gotten pizza and wanted to let me know. I was awake and I heard him call me, and I just forgot he was dead in my foggy state I'm always in when I wake up. But I didn't open the door when I got to it. I heard my Tio ferny and turned around and went right back to bed. I want him to call me away, I think if I had opened the door....I think he might have been standing there, maybe he would have offered his hand, maybe I would have just dropped dead on the spot. Maybe I missed him too much, maybe

I spend so much time being sad, I'm wasting this finite resource. I do think I enjoyed the time I had to be happy well enough, I think I took it for granted that my default was willing to see the silver lining. I think I'm blowing it. It's beautiful outside. My dogs love me. I'm not expected to do anything but exist in this space, I

And I'm wasting my time being sad! And I can't stop, and I'm frustrated, and then sad, and then frustrated. And every feeling that I have is colored by this base feeling and it sours everything else. And it doesn't matter how long I go without falling back down here to my sadness, because I'll always end up here again. And I can't look at it like yin and yang, like there's a balance to this, because this is too much! When I know this is my default when I know that I'll end up here over and over again. There isn't enough time or resources that'll make any of this balanced out! And whatever comfort I have I can't enjoy enough because it's been colored by this eventually. And anyone who's loved me knows that and they're no longer giving me the time, because they know it's wasted!

My Nino said if I died tomorrow he'd be sad, but he'd get over it. I'd end up a little pocket picture on my ninas shelf and that would be the end of me. My Nino, the "good" father figure in my life. That I only had my Nana and Tata who truly "gave a rats ass about you"

And my Tata is dead and maneuvers me into a worst position before he died. If they are the only ones who truly cared for me...it feels minimal.

I can't stop chastising myself for feeling so childish. I understand nuance and complexity. But I can't stop thinking about how unfair all of this is. I can't stop thinking that I should be loved unconditionally, that I have a right to ot. That it was given to me so freely for so long by so many...and it was pulled out from under me and how much that hurts...it's not fair...and I can't make due with what little I have left, and that's making me lose more...and I would beg if it would make a difference, if that's how loved actually worked I would beg! Pride be damned! I would do it...but I know better...and I know that these feelings are coloring the things I do in my day to day and it's making me bitter and making everything worse and I don't know what to do, because I need more then I'm getting and I don't know how to fill this deficit, or how to adapt to it.

....

I see people like Kay (Kay and Taylor from tt) struggling with chronic illnesses and mental health, and she has such a good life, such a good support system and there are so many things going for her, and she still struggles so hard... And with all that's going on for her she still has a hard time, and I think oh God, I don't even have that kind of support, not even close and if she's struggling with that, then how the hell do I have a chance to even begin to cope?

#over the last yheee months #2024 #was off to the worst start #February #march #April #dump #from phone notes #no exact dates

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