#edit: goddammit WRONG BLOG

[magic-hcs]

Can I have a lil scenario of all my favorite things combined? 👀

Charon + meeting soulmate + ANGST 😈

PS: I absolutely adore your blog, your energy and writing always make my day 🥰

of course you can my dear anon! I loved writing this and accidentally wrote more than I thought I would. I hope you like it!

And Oh god, when i tried to save it to edit it a bit more on a different device it got deleted and i was about to yeet my laptop into space, and rage quit for a while (since I'm still healing from that writing burnout) and cry, luckily search history didn't let me down and I took back everything I just wanted to do in anger and sadness. deadass I copy and pasted everything I edited on a doc before trying anything again. So truly I hope you all enjoy!

Charon: Underfell Papyrus

warnings: angst, no comfort, Charon is rude, instant regret, first words are written on the body, maybe more

Time to cast some magic and see what we'll get!✨

✨✨

Charon: Ever had the feelings of regret becoming so strong it makes you bend your back at the sudden weight that whacks you upside the head and rams into you like a train?

Today had been one hell of a rough day. Despite the urge to scream his frustration to the heavens, he pushes on. He had to go shopping for dinner tonight, Charon refuses to do takeout. Healthy food made by Charon is superior to the sort of grub those order places serve up any day of the week. So to the store Charon goes, feeling like even the slightest inconvenience would set him off. Right when Charon couldn't find a specific ingredient a human walks up to him. you opened your mouth but Charon was faster.

"GET LOST HUMAN" Charon barked in your face. Hoping that you would leave him alone after this. But the reaction that he received from you wasn't you scuttling away in fear, or a face frowned in anger. Instead, it was a face of expected shock and unexpected devastated sadness mixed with resignation. Charon noticed your eyes were close to tears as you avert your gaze. With a sniff you roll your shoulders and straighten your back, as if wanting to push through some unbearable hardship. "Alright," you mumble, sniffing one last time and turning to the aisle they both were next to. "I'll get these myself then..." Right as you reach out your arm to grab at the can standing way too high up for your reach, Charon sees it: There on the inside of your arm where the ink black words spelling out in Charon's font 'GET LOST HUMAN.' And a realization hits Charon immediately after. On his own body, the words you had just uttered to him start to pleasantly tingle. Those words had given hope to Charon to find his soulmate. It was supposed to be wonderful to you too...But it brought you only heartache for so long long. It was supposed to be an incredible unforgettable thing. Now it just makes Charon sick. And it feels as if a train rams into him and slams down upon his back. Charon almost stumbles.

He unwillingly watches you strain your arm trying to reach that stupid can standing so high upon the shelf, watches your face be furrowed at the brows, and your resilient eyes desperately keeping the frustrating tears at the bay, sees the way you clench your jaw, holding in so much, throwing up a wall of pretense nonchalance. Charon begs himself to avert his gaze, begs his body to tear itself from the ground and to turn and never come back, begs for a time machine and redo it all over, begs for something, anything at all.

…

Your frustrated huff and a whispered “Goddammit" unshackled him from the confines of his stupor, making him reach out a hand that halts before even getting far. Mouth open but no noise comes out.

What could be done or said to undo a wrong that had been hurting you every day, an ugly reminder of how you’d never get to have a beautifully romantic fated meeting like how it was supposed to be.

…

The answer is simple; he can’t.

With a small flick of his phalanges the can behind the one you were reaching for gets illuminated by magic, and softly pushes the can in front of it. Inching it slightly over the board, right at the exact moment your fingers reached just below it. You tilted it from its perch, grabbing it just before it could fall. Charon turned away, swallowing down the knot that had formed inside his nonexistent throat.

“My Behavior Was Uncalled For, I Apologize.”

You turned to the voice that spoke up, expecting to see the skeleton man standing next to you. Only to find your eyes meeting a receding back.

Every step was a stab to the soul, clenching his teeth tighter, one would worry they’d crack. Your soft sniffles, the resignation on your face, it burns inside his mind, forcing him to watch it again and again. You didn’t deserve this. You didn’t deserve what has been done to you. What he has done to you.

The deepest part of him, the kindest part of him that he’s been hiding for so long wants to turn around and run to you. It wants to hold you, beg for forgiveness and swear that’ll hell do good, that he won’t ever treat you like that again.

But that would be selfish.

Once outside, Charon leans against the nearest wall and a shuddering breath leaves him. Subtly gripping the fabric of his clothes right above where his aching soul is located. Who would have thought that the pain he experienced the moment he got his trademark scratch mark across his socket would ever be surpassed?

A humorless chuckle leaves Charon. He shakes his head, pushing air past his teeth, forcing himself to be grounded, to get it together. Ignoring the ache he takes a few steps before realizing a big fact.

He had left his basket behind…and there were no groceries at home…and going back there, chancing seeing you again was not something Charon was looking forward to.

…

A big sigh leaves him.

It looks like takeout would have to do today…ugh…

BONUS:

Lounging on the couch, staring at a true crime documentary on tv is Red, scratching a sharp phalange along his teeth. There’s a bored scowl on his face, the constant loud tick tocks of the clock hanging on the wall deepens the frown. A few seconds pass. Red ‘tsks’ and snatches the remote to turn up the volume once more. He throws the remote back on the couch, in reach, as if he knew he would use it again at any moment.

Red started to tap his phalange at the small gap between his golden tooth and the other normal ones. An unconscious snrrk fills the room as Red can already guess what Charon would say when he sees what his older brother is doing.

‘Brother, If You Continue That Horrid Habit Of Yours You’ll End Up With Two Golden Teeth Instead Of One.’

His imaginary brother’s nagging sounds as irritating as the real deal.

Another snort leaves Red. A few seconds pass and this time it’s a huff before red eyelights flit over to the clock.

Two hours and thirty minutes.

It’s taking way too long. Red shakes his head. Stomping the thoughts away. A few minutes later the door clicks open and Red refuses to admit that the phalange that he had been jagging between his teeth slipped from his mouth, and that his shoulders had sagged at the noise of the familiar steps of Charon’s boots.

“lemme guess, couldn’t decide which fuckin’ salad dressing to take this time?” Red snarked over his shoulder, when he got no reply his shoulders bobbed in silent chuckle. Thinking the silence was just Charon refusing to go along with Red’s bicker he continued on. “boss, i swear, they all taste the freakin’ same.”

Still no reply. Red’s grin wavered slightly. “bro?” The steps thud up the stairs and there’s an uncharacteristically quiet click of a door. The once disappeared scowl returns in the shape of a confused and slightly concerned frown.

…

“…what in the fuck?”

Now, there is an unspoken ground rule in this house. A boundary none of them have crossed before.

Never enter the other’s room without the other’s knowledge or permission

Red has been knocking on this door for the last six minutes or so, at first asking in the form of jabs like “are ya cryin’ like a babe in there?” It got no indignant shriek from the other side of the door. So it was time to change tactics.

“do i need ta dust a fucker?” No harrumph of “I Don’t Need You To Do My Dirty Work, Brother. I Am Not Weak.” Or something along the likes. Just absolute silence.

…okaayy…something’s up.

“should i whip some up..?” Red refused to admit that slight worried crack in his voice. There was shuffling in the room, however, not one reply was made. “…bro…?”

….

never enter eachother’s room without permission.

…

’fuck it.’

Red shortcuts inside Charon’s room. Ready to be shouted at. Prepared to dodge some objects being hurled at him. But nothing came. Just this deafening quiet. Red finds Charon siting on his bed, knees tucked to his chest, arms dropped next to his side like a ragdoll having lost its strings keeping its arms alive.

“bro?” There are no tears, no grinding of the teeth, no frown or any indication or trace of any emotion at all. The look in Charon’s sockets terrify Red. Mostly because there is no look. It’s empty, vacant of eyelights, devoid of life. And he’s staring straight through Red, as if he’s not even there.

A chill shoots through Red's spine, making him shiver as if something’s crawling along his back. Red rushes towards his brother. Grabbing him by the shoulders and giving him a shake. “bro?” He shakes some more. “bro, fuck off this ain’t fuckin’ funny.” The voice sounds nothing like Red. It’s desperate. A humorless chuckle that sounds more like a manic cackle filled with nerves fills the room. It sends Red’s soul racing, not realizing it was him making the sound. “charon-“

“…” Everything freezes. Red freezes. It was so quiet.

“what?” Its a gasp that leaves Red. The mumbles start up again. Charon’s head tilts slightly. Red just knows that his brother’s empty sockets are now looking at him. “…messed…ed..”

“what?” Its the only thing Red finds in his current vocabulary. He leans closer towards Charon. “…i messed up, red…”

It’s quiet for a long time. Red swallows. “…wh-what didya mes-mess up, bro?” Red finally asks, nervously stumbling over his words. He watched as Charon tilted his head slightly down towards his collar bone.

the place where the words proudly been tattooed on.

Red’s eyelights shrink. It couldn’t be…

“messed everything up…”

oh. no…

Red felt his non-existent stomach drop. And it kept dropping.

✨✨

✨✨

Thank you for participating in this spell, I hope it was to your satisfaction.

#undertale #papyrus #magical prompts #sans #undertale x reader #papyrus x reader #undertale hc #underfell #underfell sans #underfell papyrus x reader #underfell papyrus #underfell x reader #soulmate au #angst #no comfort #Charon

[moni-logues]

2022 End of the Year Recap

rules : post the top 5 works you’re most proud of that you released in 2022 (not necessarily your most popular), your top 4 current WIPs that you’re excited to release in the new year, your top 3 biggest improvements in your writing over the past year, your top 2 resolutions (ways you wish to improve your writing/blog) for the new year, and your number 1 favorite line you’ve written this year!

So, @amethystwritesbts tagged me in this on the old blog, but I thought this would make for a fun little transitional post, too, so I'm doing it here! I have had my [old] blog for almost exactly 53 weeks and have posted 58 fics! 🤪🤪🤪 lots to pick from lol

Top 5 works I'm most proud of

(These will all, in time, make their way here, too, but for now they are ofc readable @monimonimoon)

Marriage or Arsenic: my very first post! I'm proud of myself for starting! Proud of myself for writing and putting it out there!

Sweet Treats: I just like it!! I think it's fun! I love cute tattoo artist boyfriend Jimin!

Even Though: super spontaneous fic; decided about 11pm I wanted to write it and it was finished before 2:30am! But I'm really pleased with how it came out and it's nice to know I can produce shit if I really focus lmao

Thirteen Rounds: wrote it in one evening and then was really unhappy the following day and couldn't work out why I didn't l like it so I took my dog for a walk and figured it out. It then needed a really big, significant re-write and I did it! And then it did some serious fucking numbers lmao

A Fine Line: for obvious reasons lol. My first series! Wasn't sure I could do it! Wasn't sure anyone would like it! But I did! and they do!!

Top 4 current WIPs

The Comeback: here, have a banner! This is going to be the first fic I post here! (obviously not including AFL reposts). I hope you are looking forward to some festive angst!

Kintsugi: the long-fabled Yoongi friends-to-lovers (actually strangers-to-friends-to-lovers!). She's coming and, goddammit, I've made this bitch angsty, too. Have another banner!

Promessus: a Hobi fake dating fic that is going to require a lot of research and may not be viable if the results of that research aren't what I want! But I'm really excited about it!!!

SUPER TOP SECRET FIC: coming soon! Yoongi! A genre I've not written before! Stay tuned!!!

Three biggest improvements in my writing

I think I'm more aware of my (over-)use of adverbs now so I'm better at catching them while writing and in editing.

Writing long stuff! Actual plot! When I first started, I couldn't believe people were writing like, 5, 10, 15k fics and now I not only have one-shots that long but also a whole series! And more to come!

Deciding to only write in past tense. I kept sort of switching between past and present which meant that, even within one fic, I kept fucking up and writing in the wrong one. Sticking to one means I'm not making that mistake (as much! 😬) anymore.

Two resolutions for next year

This one is sort of already in plrogress but planning. Kintsugi is already outlined! I'm going to try to stick to the plan!

Read more -- both fics and books. I have read much less this year than I'd have liked so I really want to use this festive period to reset and start the new year with more intention and waste less of my time on my fucking phone, watching shit I don't care about on netflix etc. and actually make time for everything, which includes reading.

Favourite line I wrote this year

Remember how I said I've posted 58 fics? Yeah, I'm not going through those to pick out the best lmao. But one that I can think of off the top of my head is:

you knew you had somehow got things figured out but now, in the nauseating throes of the consequences of your own actions, it eluded you.

I'm not tagging anyone because idk who's been tagged already and I'm copping out lmao but everyone should do this, so consider yourself tagged if you are reading this!!!

#moni logs #tag games

[peppermintchaos]

someone on student council had the bright idea to make one of our spirit week days anything but an backpack so now i am. lugging a cooler around my school

#minty.txt #edit: goddammit WRONG BLOG

[clonecyare]

Thank you all for 700 followers! 🥳 I can’t believe so many of you have found your way over to my little blog and stuck around to nerd out with me and join me in simping for Star Wars men!

As a little thank you and to show my appreciation for all the love you show me and my posts, I’m doing a little follower celebration! I’m no good at making gifs or edits really, so instead, I’ll be doing little fics, drabbles, headcanons etc!

See below the cut for the details!

Pop your submissions in my ask box either as yourself or on anon!

Prompts are at the bottom of the post - submit as many as you want but please do them in separate asks so I can reply to them when the fic ready

Or, submit your own idea/hc/something you’d like to request

Prompts range from fluffy to angsty to spicy - I will write any genre as long as I can think of a fic to go with it

I will currently write for all clones, Boba Fett, Din Djarin and Maul (I am open to other suggestions)

If none of the prompts speak to you, you can also submit your own headcanon/idea etc

How requests I get will factor into how long these take to complete

If you want to keep up to date with any of my works you can do that here: || Masterlist || Tag list form || and for these works I'll be using the tag 'clonecyare 700'

Now for the prompts! There are 80 in total and first up are the ones that can be any genre (fluff, angst, nsfw)

1. “It’s really not that complicated.”

2. “Close the door.”

3. “It’s three in the morning.”

4. “I should have told you a long time ago.”

5. “Just trust me.”

6. “I’ve been waiting a long time.”

7. “You’re in love with me.”

8. “Come here.”

9. “We could get arrested for this.”

10. “What are you thinking about?”

11. “I thought you were dead.”

12. “You’re never going to let that go, are you?”

13. “Was that supposed to hurt?”

14. “I can explain.”

15. “Watch me.”

16. “I’ve missed this.”

17. “I don’t believe you.”

18. “Sometimes, it comes in handy.”

19. “I don’t owe you an explanation.”

20. “We have to be quiet.”

21. “You’re trembling.”

22. “I want an answer, goddammit!”

23. “It was you the whole time.”

24. “Tell me again.”

25. “I’m not going anywhere.”

26. “I can’t keep kissing strangers and pretending that they’re you.”

27. “You could have died.”

28. “Prove it.”

29. “I might never get another chance to say this.”

30. “Tell me I’m wrong.”

31. “You’ve thought about this, haven’t you?”

32. “We need to talk about what happened last night.”

33. “I feel like I can’t breathe.”

34. “I still remember the way you taste.”

35. “How much of that did you hear?”

36. “What happens if I do this?”

37. “You make me want things I can’t have.”

38. “I don’t want to screw this up.”

39. “People are staring.”

40. “You are so stupid… I love you”

41. “I want to dance with you”

42. “I can’t believe you’re mine”

43. “What took you so long? I missed you…”

44. "I just want to be left alone"

45. "What are you gonna do?“

46. "Did you just say you’re in love with me”

47. "I didn’t punch him, but I should have."

48. “You don’t have to go through this alone”

49. “Stay with me, please”

50. “I’m asking because I’ve seen the way you look at me.”

Okay now the ones that are specifically for spice spicy, but also free to submit your own ideas for spice.

51. “Face down. Ass up”

52. “You gotta be quiet”

53. “Always so fucking tight.”

54. “Don’t make me repeat myself.”

55. I know for a fact that you can be a hell of a lot louder than that

56. “You’re not getting off that easily.”

57. "I can’t stop thinking about your mouth.”

58. “You won’t be able to walk after I’m done with you.”

59. “Does that feel good?”

60. “I can keep going all damn night.”

61. “Call me that again”

62. “You’re so beautiful like this.”

63. “Let me worship you”

64. “Your hair looks prettiest in my fist”

65. “Bite marks look good on you”

66. “I’ll make forget all about him”

67. “Don’t talk with your mouth full"

68. “Pull my hair again”

69. “You look so pretty beneath me”

70. “This is so wrong, we shouldn’t be doing this”

71. “You are beautiful from every angle"

72. “Let me show you who you belong to”

73. “Just like I remember.”

74. “I won’t apologise for marking you, everyone should know you’re taken.”

75. “It’s my thigh or nothing, I’m not helping you get off.”

76. “I never thought I’d hear you say that, fuck, that’s hot.”

77. “Wanna see what I’m wearing underneath all this?”

78. “Stop hiding, you’re beautiful.”

79. “Mmm, good morning to you too.”

80. “You want to do this now?”

#thank you all so much! #you're great #star wars #star wars fanfiction #my writing #the clone wars #the bad batch #sw the clone wars #sw the bad batch #sw tcw #sw tbb #tcw #tbb #star wars the clone wars #star wars the bad batch #spicy #clone prompts #ashs prompts #clonecyare prompts #clonecyare spicy prompts #nsft #clonecyare 700

[aloesarchives]

Joji Headcanons

(A/N):Once again, I’m back at again with these headcanon. I just have these ideas buzzing through my head about these Kengan men that it would be wrong not to write about them.

Unlike my headcanons for Wakatsuki, Gaolong(coming soon), and Cosmo(coming soon), Joji’s will be slightly shorter because Joji doesn’t have that much screen time in Omega compared to the two(that we have so far). And I also have more information to go off on the two than Joji because of the Kengan Ashura Zero manga(A few chapters of Kengan Ashura characters before the time of the tournament). But Joji’s will still be detailed like my other headcanons because his interactions with Koga and Kureshi.

Edited: Sorry I had to delete this, my tumblr glitched where I opened it the keep reading and it kept coming up as blank so I had to delete it in order to see it.

Let’s just establish something, when Joji is half-baked, he’s HALF- BAKED.

He’s not necessarily stupid and dumb, he’s just slow. Like REAL slow.

At times he will ask or say something that would either make you lose your brain cells or hurt your brain.

But he isn’t brain dead stupid, he is pretty tactical and smart in a karate match.

Similar to Wakatsuki, you kinda have to know him/ be friends with him a certain period of time before he considers feelings for you.

What I mean is you have known him for so long, people just automatically assume the two of you are together.

Deadass, Joji will just have a realization that he loves you out of nowhere. Like it pops up in his head either while he’s training or minding his business.

It’s a given that you have to vibe with him on an unearthly level. A good example people notice is how easily you two talk to each other. The air around you guys is light and holds no tension.

Or how the way the two of you check up on each other.

But there are three reactions you have when you hear what comes out of Joji’s mouth when he’s talking to you.

#1.) You give out a laugh or a smile, #2.) Your brain pauses to process what he just said and you’ve become very confuse, or #3.) You cringe (slightly or hard) and facepalm.

But it is #1.) and #2.) most of the time and you do get a kick at of what he says because of how funny or stupid it is.

It’s one of your guys own inside joke/ couple thing, it’s your own playful banter with him.

The man is blunt with almost everything he says. Not very much a “beat around the bush” type of guy. He’s like this with everyone so you get use to it over the years you know him. With you, he doesn’t tone it down, but he does become more sincere with what he says to you. But will straight up will tell you when the two of you are.

The man straight up asks you to marry him while y’all just chilling on the sofa watching what’s on the t.v.

Not much a PDA guy, don’t get me wrong, he doesn’t shy away from affection, but in pubic he’s more reserve and the best you get is either holding his hand or arm. But at home, he’ll be talking to you while his head is in your lap or chest,sometimes he’ll come up behind you, hug you and kiss you on top of your head then follows it up by saying something stupid and you bonking him the head softly.

You slightly have better relationship with Koga than Joji. This is because when Koga was younger you and Joji would take care of him. You tried your best to understand, care for, and help Koga, to which Koga is kinda grateful for you. Koga sometimes feels guilty because he went delinquent even though you and Joji helped him out. You check-up Koga once in a while to see how’s he doing. You’re the only relative Koga actually likes although you were married into the Narushima family.

The dojo treats you with high respect being married to Joji. When you come in for any reason, they always greet you with honorifics which you gotten used to.

You visit Joji during your free time, since he really hasn’t been training for any matches, or is done doing a class or spectating sparring matches, it’s nice to see your face from long hours.

Joji forgets his lunch at home so you have it to bring it to him when he’s at the dojo. When you drop by and give him his lunch, he nonchalantly says thank you to you for bringing it to him since he forgot. At times, you think he purposely “forgets” his lunch so you can visit him. But you don’t mind it at all. Sometimes you just buy lunch and bring it to him. Your timing is somehow perfect because every time you come with food he’s either just resting in the dojo or just finished one of his classes. When you two eat, you eat in pleasant silents or you ask him how he’s doing that that which ends in some playful banter.

Now when you just visit him without food, you either just chill with him in his dojo while sitting in his lap or you watch some of the sparring matches/ classes he watches over.

It’s a given you’re friends with Kureshi, or at least know him enough from him coming to spar with Joji. These two fighters vibe with each other on the fact they get themselves into fights outside of their dojo/gym.

Which brings up the fact that the Joji hasn’t been at least in a few scuffles and has return home with a few abrasions and bruises visible on him. It doesn’t bother you that much but you do voice your concerns to him, telling that getting into those small scuffles, especially when he’s with Kureshi, wouldn’t always end in his favor.

But after having a long conversation about it, he does vow to you that he will get stronger so that he not only doesn’t hurt himself but to protect you as well. Joji may not have a way with words but damn did you realize in his serious but sincere tone that he really did care about you and considerate of your and his well-being.

It’s safe to say that no one really messes with you and Joji has little to no enemies. Being the highest karate practitioner within Tokyo, people don’t normally give you a hard time or don’t want to when they hear your last name.

A common phase you say, whether it’s lighthearted or frustration, is “Goddammit Joji”.

Joji is pretty loyal, you were the one, set, and done that he never really thought about thinking about other people. You were enough for him and it never really crossed his mind about anyone.

Since then, Joji just nonchalantly say things that would fluster you or make your face warm/red. Like he’ll comment on how you look when you would sleep. Or when how your clothes really suit your body, saying it compliments certain parts of your body where he just swat your hands at him.

He deadass hit your ass and say you have a nice butt or kinda feel up your chest out of the blue. THIS ISN’T GONNA TURN NSFW, I PROMISE!

But you don’t miss that faint grin/ smirk he has on his face when he teases or does theses things to you.

He has a soft spot for you for you, you know it’s there but he barely shows it in public. Kureshi would poke fun at him/point it out to him because he can tell by Joji’s aura when he talks about you and the expression in his eyes, but again Joji doesn’t mind.

You had your moments where you’re drinking (favorite drink) and then you brain decides to remember the time Joji said something so stupid you almost choked on your drink while trying to contain your laughter.

I can imagine wanting to dote on smaller humans of himself and you after taking care of Koga when he was younger. He isn’t going to enforce the idea to you but he’ll say it once in while to make you aware.

When you tell this to people, they kinda jump the gun and assume that Joji doesn’t try in the relationship, to which you shut them down by saying that he’s in the shadows, watching over you silently from afar, and only coming out to you whenever you need him/ wants too.

Sure Joji can make your brain cells hurt and question your insanity, but he does care about you in a way only you two would understand.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

One done, two more to go(for now). At this point, I would like to address that I made a new main blog @aloelotustea. It’s my account where anything non-writing goes for now on, yeah that means memes and certain doodles will be on my main. I kinda want to make this blog just about writing stuff I have for the kengan series and not over flood it with non-writing content. It doesn’t mean it won’t go away it’ll just be coming from my main blog.

Cheers, stay safe and well rested, pals!

#kengan ashura #kengan omega #kengan ashura headcanons #kengan ashura × reader #joji narushima

[galionne-vibin]

SpaceG: Goddammit guys, who gave her juice again?!

I thought Ebirah just didn’t like the yellow juice thing but apparently it’s more like a straight up drug, so like what if... What if she drank??

Edit: wrong blog but I’m too lazy to fix-

#space gang au #ebirah #and on today's episode watch as australian lobster gets high as balls on funky juice #btw it was 100% Gigan who gave it to her #they're both gremlins and they're at war with each other

[killian-whump]

OUAT 2x14: Rewatch Blog

Hey everybody! Here I am, once again, with a liveblog post for a Once Upon a Time episode! This one’s called “Manhattan” - which strangely enough, I had to look up to make sure of, because I could’ve sworn that 2x15 was the one called “Manhattan”, but when pressed to remember what 2x14′s name was... I could only come up “Also Manhattan...?” which seemed wrong.

Anyway! Let’s settle in and watch Manhattan Part 1...

Hmmm.  Okay, so Rumple’s all “I wanna fight!” and Milah’s like “Oh, no, the war” and this just seems weird to me, all of it. I’m making that Fry face at my screen right now. Not sure if full of shit or full of shit...

Emma asking, “Is this the right place?” AND HE SAID YES. Like, how does he know?! That globe was a hell of a lot more useful here than it was in Neverland. Or did they just toss the globe overboard when they went through the portal? “Welp, we don’t need this plot device anymore.”

Hahaha, Emma. “Well, who doesn’t love a surprise?” Should I start the list, or is someone else gonna do it? Rumple’s face is hilarious. He looks like he’s thinking, “Me, actually. I don’t like a surprise...”

That’s a really boring title card, Once. Really boring.

“Back? From where?” OH MY BABY. Incidentally, I forget he’s in this scene every single time I see this scene, and then I hear his voice and I’m like “OH, MY BABY” like, you know, what literally just happened 2 sentences ago.

Aww... You vengeance-hopped-up bondage bunny, listen to your Dommes and be a good boy <3

CHASE SCENE, IT’S A CHASE SCENE

RUN, EMMA, RUN

CRASH!!!!!

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH PLOT TWIST

I always did like that plot twist. One of the better ones, I thought.

“I am the only one allowed to be angry here!” Yeah, you tell him, Emma.

This face is great:

Kinda sums up the entire scene, doesn’t it?

I love the subtle AND COMPLETELY OBVIOUS change in Gold and Henry’s interactions now that the audience is thinking, “Oh, wait... If his dad is... and his son is... OH MY GOD.” A gentle approach as always, show.

WHY WOULD HE NEED AN ENTIRE TYPEWRITER IN A FANCY WOODEN BOX WITH A SINGLE SHEET OF PAPER THAT SAYS “I KNOW YOU’RE BAELFIRE” ON IT? HOW FUCKING EXTRA CAN YOU BE?!

Pictured Above: THE LITERAL HEIGHT OF FUCKING EXTRANESS

“...because Pinocchio told you to?!?!” One of the best lines ever XD

Oh, come on, Neal. Man up for once and just talk to your father. Geez.

Like, I know he’s pissed that his dad didn’t follow him into the portal, but all of this hiding and nonsense? Acting like he’s terrified of the man? Like, did I miss the part where Rumple EVER presented an actual threat to Baelfire? Because I don’t remember that. Honestly, if I’m forgetting something from S1 where Rumple threatened or harmed his son, someone please remind me. Shitty dad? Sure. Dropped the ball? Definitely. Worth running and hiding from for fucking centuries? You’re a goddamn pansy, Neal.

“Rumplestiltskin...” Oh, that’s not a creepy voice at all.

Oh, that’s not a creepy girl at all.

Oh, that wasn’t a creepy scene at all.

Can I go home now?

“The truth about your parents - Emma, you of all people should know how important that is.” Umm... yeah. That’s a really good point.

“Are you sure this is about protecting Henry... and not yourself?” Aw, Snow... Such good advice in this phone call. Also, nice sweater. Very soft.

Ahhh... And good acting by Jen in here, too.

AW, GEEZ, EMMA, SNOW JUST GAVE YOU SOME GREAT ADVICE AND NOW YOU’RE JUST GONNA IGNORE IT ALL. GOSH DARN IT.

Oh, look. It’s the mild-mannered mayor here to visit the amnesia-stricken woman in the hospital. There’s no way this could go badly!

Umm... Regina, I love you and I love your magical ways, but you could’ve just, like, rifled through her purse. “Magic always comes with a price” but apparently not if you just want to wave some objects through the air instead of, like, reaching in and moving shit around like a normal person. That shit’s free.

Like, there is just no reason for this. It’s pointless. It’s weird.

Library scene. One of my favorites :D Well, not this one. The next one.

Hahaha, this “touching” mother daughter moment is so weird and dysfunctional and borderline creepy. I love it.

Seriously, Hook, you’re so fucking impatient. Just cool your heels, bro.

Hey, Gold, here’s an idea. Maybe when you’re hiding your dagger somewhere, and your arch nemesis is a pirate, maybe don’t leave a pirate map to where it’s hidden for that pirate to find and follow. I mean, you might as well have left it in a toolbox in the garden she- Nevermind. Let’s not talk about this.

Emma: Don’t do this. There are things called laws. Henry: I’ll be lookout. :D

“I don’t think he’s listening.” Henry is brilliant in this episode.

YEAH, THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT, NEAL. You finally manned up. Must've found some balls in the alley and tried ‘em on for size.

Aw, geez. I’m just... Wow. I really shouldn’t say anything about this whole scene, but... Yeah. Wow. I honestly can’t like Milah after some of the stuff she says in this scene. Sorry, guys. Like, she is literally telling her husband and the father of her child that the kid would’ve been better off if he was dead - and not just once, but, like... It’s like she’s engaging in a single-person competition to see who can find as many different ways as possible to say the same terrible thing over and over again, and it somehow manages to sound worse every time.

AHHHHH HIGH DRAMA!!!

I really do like everything about this scene with Emma and Neal and Gold and Henry and everyone trying to figure things out and/or hide things and/or... Oops, now it’s all out in the open and we’re all a big happy family fucked.

Ugh. Now it’s Greg. I really, really don’t care about Greg. At all.

Regina, goddammit, I told you to just rifle through that purse like a normal person. SEE what happens when you don’t listen to me?!

Actually, I totally forgot about this moment entirely, and now I’m laughing... Leave it to the show to put a “Why the fuck would you do this in this way?” moment into the show... that turns into a convoluted plot twist.

Son, I am disappoint totally not surprised, actually.

That map really DOES look like a child’s scribbles, though.

HOOK, WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE GOING TO DO WITH THAT... keyring? scissors? dohickey? I don’t know. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING?

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, it’s time for one of my favorite things ever!!!!

SUPER CASUAL VIOLENCE!!!

They’re both just so... so casual... and so flippant... and so... oh gosh, hahaha. He’s all upset and angry and foaming at the mouth, and Cora’s just like ~fling~! and LOOK AT THAT FUCKER FLY The violence is so ultra super casual and amazing, hahaha. And then they just walk off like Mean Girls: Storybrooke Edition and I fucking love them and I’d better rewind and watch it again. Hold on a second, guys.

ARE THOSE FUCKING TONGS, THOUGH?! why?

The books falling over like dominoes, haha, they always make me laugh. Better rewind again. I love this shit so much.

Old-fashioned compass, I guess? Some kind of... dohickey? I’m gonna go with dohickey, guys. I mean, it looks like a dohickey to me. Still, like, dafuq you think you’re going to do with that dohickey against two ladies with magic, boo? You adorable fucking idiot. IT DOESN’T EVEN HAVE A SHARP EDGE.

WHOOP, THERE HE GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOES

See, there. Bae had no fucking reason to be running and hiding from Rumple for fucking centuries. He just handled him just fine right there. 

“Or what you did to me.” Valid point, Emma. Well made and- ARE YOU FUCKING LAUGHING, YOU LITTLE SHIT?!? Where’d that fucking dohickey go?! YOU ARE SO GETTING RUBBED, YOUNG MAN.

Well, what do you know? The seer who said the future was hard to discern clearly has now given you her powers... AND YOU’VE LEARNED THAT THE FUTURE IS HARD TO DISCERN CLEARLY. Shocked. I am shocked.

PLOT TWIST. The boy will be his undoing!!! Except... umm... I mean... he kinda never was, though? So, I mean, I don’t... uh...

Aw, fuck it. Let’s rewind and watch the super casual violence again.

WHEEEEEEEEE LOOKIT HIM FLY!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

#ouat rewatch #watching fairytales #2x14 #kw reviews #oc #ouat criticism #anti neal #anti milah #super casual violence #dohickeys

[fruitpvnchlips]

i’ve been slow to get back to this blog mainly because i defined my sluts with sexy gif sets and ass pics. basically, i’m going to have to start from scratch and maybe add some actual info in order to give people an idea of what they’re about. idk, it’s going to be a whole project. i’m still happy to write but at the same time it’s going to take me some time to restructure things.

oh, and i get an error whenever i try and edit the colors on my theme. something about there being a foreign html thing, i got frustrated so i never read the message. i know the coloring on the blog is a little hard to read but until i can find the bug (goddammit tumblr why not tell me what’s wrong instead of telling me that it could be anything in all that code!!!) you’re just going to have to bear with me.

#OOC.

[aroacearborvitae]

hey I know I try to keep this blog kinda positive but I’m kinda pissed and it’s an important topic imo. y’all know how I made a bunch of cat meme aro, ace, and aroace icons? 18 of them in total, and I’m planning on more? (or I was anyway, since they’re fun, but now I’m not so sure.) they’ve gotten a good reception, people seem to like them, and they also sure love to steal them!

in just the last week, I’ve seen about 5 people using my icons with no credit in their description, header, blog, title, pages, nothing! and I’m sure there’s some more out there using them bc I don’t look at blogs much. most of the time, they haven’t even bothered to reblog the post with the icons! and hey, if you’re one of those people, reading this post? fuck you, personally. what the actual hell. and you might say, “well hey, it’s only a few people? and it’s just icons, it’s tumblr, what’s the big deal, it’s free publicity!” nah, you’re dead fucking wrong.

for one, using icons without permission, when the creator has said you need credit, is, get this, reposting, aka theft! wowie! secondly, that’s not publicity, that’s going “oh I love this icon, I’m going to take it, and not bother to remember who made it! whoopsie!” it’s shitty as all fuck. thirdly, you’re profiting off my work without even showing that I did it. how long does it take to edit your goddamn bio?? icon by aroacearborvitae. copypaste that, idfc!! that’s all you need! and if you don’t wanna go thru that trouble, don’t use the icon. it’s that simple!

fourth, when I see my icon used without credit, it’s sending the message, loud and clear, that you do not care about my work. I don’t care that it’s a shitpost. did you come up with the idea? choose the cat picture? make a vector/transparent edit? find and arrange the flags? make it icon size? post it? did you put in the time, effort, and creativity? no? then make sure you credit whoever did, you dumbfuck. rant over, free to reblog, all that shit. respect creators goddammit.

#I'm an artist babes! and whether it's my art or my shitposts that get stolen I'm ANGRY #have a little respect for creators on this hellsite jfc #mine #my words

[rachel-was-distracted-and]

Doctor Who: The Return of Doctor Mysterio (2016 Christmas Special)

I was going to watch the new episode with the new companion and then I remembered that I never watched the 2016 Christmas special, the one new DW episode we got in that miserable year

My first reaction to Twelve swinging upside down outside the window was that this is very reminiscent of Matt Smith’s Eleven, but I also haven’t watched Who in what, over a year? :/

“Mom says you can come in, you’re expected” ?!

The kid then gives him cookies and milk. Because there’s an old guy out the window and it’s Christmas Eve.

I wonder if they had to pay Marvel and DC for rights on all this...licensed merch 

Wait I just realized this kid is American.

This kid reminds me of my cousin

“How do you have a glass of water in your pocket?” “Skills.”

Is there a Doctor Mysterio? IRL? (edit: just learned the title of the episode and maybe this WAS done on Who previously?)

localized disruption here in New York...ah 

(btw I still am unsure how previous season ended, I watched it way back when and I re-read my lousy “live”blog and still don’t know what happened)

Uh-oh, what did this kid do with the gemstone

He ATE the gemstone. Because the *doctor* gave him a thing that looks like medicine and a glass of water

TBH I’m slightly surprised this accidental superhero thing didn’t happen sooner, it’s adorable and works for me

Another baby? I know James Cordon’s time on Who was a while ago, but...

Is he babysitting? His chest still glows red and...wait is that future kiddo or not

The bald guy from Bridesmaids and last year’s Christmas special is back!

Looking for “the little boy’s room” hmmmmm

This politician rich science guy who isn’t perturbed by the brains is rubbing me the wrong way I guess

I thought the lady in blue was Clara and was torn between OMG and GODDAMMIT

Ultimately I’m glad it’s not

EW the brain has EYES WHAT

AH UM the guy was playing dumb before?Oh no they “exchanged containers”

“I had a change of mind” THE WORDPLAY KILL ME

I mean did this guy not see any of this coming? He knew something was up when he wasn’t surprised by the brains what did he think was going to come of it. (I admit I sort of half-assed watch nowadays while on my laptop but still, what?)

Ooo the companion in this episode is a journalist!

Twelve and the bald kid have no kind of reunion - unless i missed it

It’s a superhero! “Oh my god he’s real. The ghost. Masked vigilante but he’s--super”

Um tbh this guy looks like Agent Smith from Deadpool (I don’t remember his real name, Jason?)

He has his very own Lois Lane!

Ew what is her political bias? What is “not to his taste”? Now is not the time for this I don’t want either of them to be alt-right or whatever the kids are calling it these days

(Because yeah, you either believe in human rights or you don’t. You either believe kids should have clean water and affordable education or you don’t. You are either on the right side of history or you aren’t. It is that simple.)

So is this kid from a while ago or from *today*

Well did he keep this promise or not (guess not)

“Sorry, duty calls” probably going back to babysitting

The Doctor has the baby *relief*

Yeah he confronts him about that promise he broke

Yeah he’s a nanny; torn between wanting to give kudos for a male nanny and wanting to tell moffat to fuck off for trying to check off some kind of list of subverting stereotypes I don’t even

Lois Lane is the mother of the baby he’s nannying for! hahaha

Wait hold up how can she afford this beautiful apartment in NYC as a journalist? Baby’s daddy ran off so it’s not like he’s bringing home the bacon

Is this brown haired kid with the glasses the kid? Yeah he can’t stop the X-ray vision...OH

AW

AWW

“It’s the gem-stone...responding to puberty”

“I have X-ray eyes. I like everyone” Ew wait he nannies for his middle school crush? I don’t like this. I would not want anyone from middle school watching my baby no matter how much they liked me or I liked them unless I straight up married them (which I haven’t)

She looks like Clara again. They have a type, don’t they?

This squeaky toy is so FUCKING ANNOYING and also unprofessional, fuck.

Throw the squeaky toy away, Doc! Holy shit!

She has good inference skills and yet she’s so annoying

That was so fast! 

Why is Grant’s hair so lame, is it the Clark Kent thing? Clark’s hair wasn’t this lame.

His Ghost voice is much better than Christian Bale’s Batman grunt, I’ll give him that

Oh my god this girl has like no respect for Grant’s time? How can she be so smart and so dumb at the same time? Are real people like this??

And they’ve known each other for 24 years

And Doctor tells Grant to try not to be an idiot.....

Oh no the brains are going to try to take the Ghost

Some cool time magic from the Doctor

Hope they don’t try to take the Doctor

Doesn’t the Doctor have some kind of intergalactic police force behind him? Didn’t he at some point? This show makes no sense

“Good to keep an open mind!” heheh

He whistles and ah THERE’s the TARDIS

driven by the bald guy now in Constantinople garb

I’m sorry, where did bald guy come from again?

He’s a Christmas special companion is all? He mentioned getting cut out of Hydraflax which like rings a bell I guess

I DO NOT ship Lois Lane and The Ghost, this crush and whatever she has going on has lasted way too long (I don’t want to call it friendzone but--OH MY GOD is Stephen Moffat reimagining Superman as being friendzoned by Lois Lane?)

Y’all--if anyone even reads this--y’all know that the idea of the friend zone is problematic right? If you just see women as real people instead of just wanting to bone them, then there is no friend zone (that’s the thing--there should be no friend zone. It’s creepy that he does all this for her and it’s dumb that she has him nanny her kid and doesn’t even recognize that he’s the superhero. I’m not sure why he’s doing this. I get he’s like a good person or whatever, I don’t think he fails to see Lois Lane as a person, I just still don’t like this situation. They both deserve better.)

This started off SO WELL and now I have so many PROBLEMS with it

UGH is she realizing her feelings for Grant NOW

Oh no they’re gonna do the thing to the Ghost

Nannies are superheroes, did anyone ever argue this? (Whoops I might have trivialized it before)

Aw he tried to tell her! He’s still trying

She’s so dumb

OH NO

What does New York not being a capital city have to do with any of this again?

See, staging an alien attack while the aliens have already landed and integrated is an interesting premise, but when it’s just thrown out in passing...it’s not as good.

I like the New York being a sanctuary city talk, but like, I feel like I’m being pandered to?

“It’s a good plan! I like it! How come our side never has plans like that?” Same.

What the fuck, why couldn’t the Ghost get away

The aliens don’t recognize Grant is the Ghost, haha fuck

This villain guy is good casting

Oy vey now what’s happening

It’s up to Grant to save them !

The shrug he gives her is great though

“You know what? I prefer you in your superhero costume” WHAT that’s a SHITTY line

“You think this is over?” “Yah” *shoots the screwdriver* and AH, UNIT is on its way, I knew there was some kind of backup

EW the brain left the body...and moved into one of their own. This doesn’t need a sequel though

How was he gone 24 years is this something I’m supposed to know? He always comes back he’s a goddamn time traveler

Oh good she got rid of the squeaky toy

“Her name was River Song” yeah but BOTH of them are TIME TRAVELERS

River was another thing that started off so well

Oh so the today stuff was the return of Doctor Mysterio, and the stuff with child Grant was the original?

Next time: I’M SO EXCITED FOR BILL

#doctor who #dw #the return of doctor mysterio #doctor who christmas special #doctor who 2016 christmas special #doctor who spoilers #dw spoilers #doctor mysterio #rachel watches doctor who #rachel liveblogs doctor who #sorry guys

[agentduckorico]

I made a drow monk for my D&D concentration ฅ'ω'ฅ

Btw, gold gel pens are the shit

edit: GODDAMMIT I POSTED IT TO THE WRONG BLOG AGAIN LMAO. to see more of my art, go check out @agentartorico ;)

#art #my art #markers #d&d #dnd #dungeons and dragons #character #d&d drow #d&d monk #gold #gel pens #india ink #copicmarkers #copicsketch #grey #gray #red #orange #yellow #blue #purple #silver #white #action #traditonal art #paper #concentration

[thxemazingem]

fucking all of the oc questions dana (IF I HAVE TO BE STUCK ANSWERING THESE NON-STOP FOR TWO BLOGS THEN YOU HAVE TO ANSWER THEM TOO)

GODDAMMIT KATIEOKAY THEN YOU ASKED FOR IT

Questions About Creating Your OCsStatus: No longer accepting because apparently I’m answering EVERY SINGLE ONE@strongxrl

What was the first element of your OC that you remember considering (name, appearance, backstory, etc.)?

Em was originally an NPC when I was writing a series of short fics for DI Dimmock from BBC’s Sherlock (back when it only had one season, god Em’s been around for a while). I feel like Em’s defining characteristic was that xe enjoyed drawing. Xe was the niece (there were 3) who was the closest thing to a self-insert.

Did you design them with any other characters/OCs from their universe in mind?

Like I said above, Em was one of Dimmock’s nieces. 

How did you choose their name?

Originally Em’s full name was Emmaline after someone I knew. I liked her name. I’m still trying to choose between Ember and Emmett for Em’s chosen, more gender-neutral name.

In developing their backstory, what elements of the world they live in played the most influential parts?

Em’s original verse didn’t really play a big role, but when I entered the S.P.N. RP community, I decided to give Em powers that would fit into that verse. I really like those abilities, so I’ve expanded and improved upon them since then.

Is there any significance behind their hair color?

Em’s normal hair color is a medium brown, which originally was close to my hair color. Also, Em is supposed to look a lot like her Uncle Dimmock, and he has brown hair.

Em’s mutant form has purple hair, which 1. is inspired by another verse where xe’s an actor and has purple hair in a role, and 2. kinda goes with xer grey skin

Is there any significance behind their eye color?

Em’s natural eye color is grey, which is what I think? Dimmock’s actors eyes are also. It’s hard to tell. I headcanon Dimmock’s eyes as a stormy grey at any rate.

Em’s mutant eye color is glowing greenish-silver with white in the middle instead of pupils purely because it looks awesome.

Is there any significance behind their height?

I can never figure out how tall I want Em, tbh. Part of me wants xer to be short, but part of me wants xer to be a little taller and lanky. 

What (if anything) do you relate to within their character/story?

Em and I both love drawing. It’s one of the major ways that we both express ourselves.

Are they based off of you, in some way?

Originally, yeah, kinda of a self-insert, but now Em and I are pretty different. Em is v combative, and I’m the opposite.

If they have an LI, how much of their character is tailored to be compatible to that person?

Em isn’t really tailored towards any of xer love interests except that I try to keep Em from being too rude when they first meet each other so they don’t hate xer. XD 

Did you know what the OC’s sexuality would be at the time of their creation?

No, mostly because I wasn’t thinking about it. Back then I was a romance-repulsed aromantic/sex-repulsed asexual, so it wasn’t important to me, especially since Em was only 12 or 13 years old. 

What have you found to be most difficult about creating art for your OC (any form of art: writing, drawing, edits, etc.)?

I feel like I can never quite get xer right, but I can’t figure out what I’m drawing that looks wrong.

How far past the canon events that take place in their world have you extended their story, if at all?

Depends on verse. For MCU, I try to keep things pretty current, but as Katie ( @strongxrl ) can attest, we’ve got a verse that extends to their 30s at this point, I think?

If you had to narrow it down to 2 things that you MUST keep in mind while working with your OC, what would those things be?

Em is very combative because xe has been repeatedly ignored and neglected by adults xer entire life. Em fights in order to have some semblance of control in xer life. If you look at verses where xer home life is more stable, like with @divinethief or @heraclesstvalentine, Em is a much softer, more patient person because xe is being heard and respected and loved. TL;DR: Em fights bc xe is a frustrated and scared kid. If you take the time to hear xer out, xe’ll calm down and trust you.

Like you said for Logan, Em’s just a kid. 

I had to add this for verses with abilities: Em isn’t in control of xer abilities and sometimes isn’t aware that xe’s using them. If xer abilities are used for too long, it can take a toll on xer, so try to pull xer out of it if it’s been a while.

What is something about your OC can make you laugh?

Em says the dumbest shit, and I love it.

What is something about your OC can make you cry?

I oftentimes forget how much Em loves others and how hurt xe is until I reread stuff.

Is there some element you regret adding to your OC or their story?

I sometimes get way too angsty with things. I need to learn how to pare it down and do less angst but more impactful angst bits.

What is the most recent thing you’ve discovered about your OC?

Apparently Em can cook.

What is your favorite fact about your OC?

Em says “fuck” more often than a sailor. It’s xer trademark. Unfortunately, if I ever want to make xer the protagonist of a YA novel, I might have to find a substitute.

#askbox #meme #Headcanon #long post #strongxrl

[chopinsendlessraindrops-blog]

From the beginning

Mission Start

Warning: This started as a intro forewarning that turned into a meltdown.

I decided to keep it because it was kind of interesting as a viewpoint of depression/anxiety clearly affecting the very tone of what I was trying to say.

Realistically if I wanted to write something sensical I’d rewrite the damn thing but this was interesting. I’ll likely revise the short vision to splash on the home page.

I’ve really had no need for Tumblr for a long while. It used to feel cold and lonely like every other social media form I stalk because I think I come off in some manner that drives people away. I must accept this, learn to not care what others think, and move on. Otherwise I will become a victim of my hopeless depression forever. I think that unfortunately being a socially inept person and being off putting all in one go is just built into me and being isolated most of the time is both my journey and destination whether I choose to fight or embrace it. 

I’m merely using Tumblr as my platform of choice as I’ve dabbled with it’s coding enough to format simple blog for my purposes. I don’t expect any sort of blow up or popularity. I only mean for my thoughts to be voiced somewhere so that maybe they’ll be heard. And if not, so be it. But if something were to happen to me, sad as it is to say it is a thing that can be rightfully prepared for at this point in time, at least I won’t be little more than an empty memory scattered amongst passing texts and the few photographs I tolerated due to my decreasing confidence in my image and inability to leave my single-room apartment let alone my bed.

But who knows. As sad as this already sounds, I’m actually pretty positive about this so far. I want to leave positive impressions of myself in a way that I can, as I can now. This is the very best I can do, that I actually may enjoy.

Whatever the circumstances are that have led you here--whether you’ve stumbled upon this searching through the computer’s history, whether in some fit of anxiety, depression, or even unchecked rage I just blasted this screaming goddammit someone notice me, or whether in some weird circumstance someone linked you here from elsewhere, welcome.

The goal of this blog is to be open about my feelings, values, and stances. However, I will be not be sharing public information such as specific names or places. Any names are hidden or changed.

I forewarn that a large part of this blog will include talking about my life and my mental health. I suffer from a short list of diagnoses including severe depression which comes with recurrent episodes of suicidal ideation, gender dysphoria, and PDD (autism). I am frank and am known to be a “line-crosser” because I think there’s no point in hiding from the truth. If these things are triggering, I urge you to heed with caution, but I do tag things properly so you should be able to see these entries easily. Or like I said, I’m also frank and if things offend you easily you might just want to not read at all.

I’ll come up with a more sufficient message system if anyone cares. For now contact me personally IRL or whatever other platform you found me through. I would not rely on sending an ask.

I don’t really know what else to say. I will likely actively avoid topics that directly involve relationships with people I know because the intention is to be heard, not to be invisible. But that should be obvious. I guess I’ll say it from the start in case it ever would come into question. Sometimes I’m mad with people, sometimes I’m annoyed, sometimes I’m sad, but at the end of the day, most of it absorbed into myself I wonder, “Why me?” “What did I do wrong?” “How do I fix this?”

I had these literally thought thousands of times over ever since I tried to post an askReddit about a week ago: “Shouldn’t it be obvious? If I asked frankly why people don’t like me, would those people laugh behind my back and say, ‘Hideous! (She) should know that (she) obviously thinks so highly of (her)self all the damn time!’” I mean, am I that terrible? It rings over and over in my head like the high pitched scream of an alarm in the middle of the day that follows you everywhere. I had to dash out the back door early one day at work because I broke down in tears and had no idea how to bluster a lie for why I looked like a sobbing mess. Because I feel like no one likes me and there’s no way to truthfully confirm if it’s a delusion of my mental illness or the majority of people actually outright ignore me and it’s not a delusion after all. But why should it matter what people actually think of me, anyway? As long as I’m well-intentioned, why care?

Anyway, I’ve gone way off topic but at the same I’ve proven my point. I blame myself most of the time and won’t attack anyone directly, if at all. I blame things and ideas. 

I think that covers anything I can think of. Oh! Also, I’m all about awareness. It’d be nice to be able to support myself if I ever get to a point where I could be stable enough to look into writing that thing called a “book” I’ve been interested in doing since I was maybe around seven? I don’t know. I’d like to write a topic on my growth in the fanfiction world despite that I’ve retired from that community un-officially. (...I’m a twenty-eight-year-old who just admitted I’m not ready to admit literally writing off fanfiction as a hobby that has absolutely no financial gain unless you change the names and make shit movies out of it, crap I will never degrade my beautiful works of art to.)

What I’m saying is that I’m starting this as a weird awareness project as my way of “leaving my legacy behind” (ironically this was an exercise taught in a day program) but I would love to write a book with intention to publish about mental health and maybe make some money? I’m just being frank. It would make me a liar already. FAILURE!

Okay I don’t think I can really make this de-rail any further. That’s all the loose ends I can think of because I’m a benign, non-threatening human. ...this is going to bite me if I don’t edit it later, isn’t it.

#intro #long #ramble