What Is Executive Dysfunction?:
I’m writing this as I have one of the worst executive dysfunction episodes of my life- but I’ve barely enough to get by, thankfully. This is probably going to become a partially ‘ADHD and neurodivergent discussion blog based off of my own experiences dealing with my condition’ because, hey, who can blame me? I’m going into Junior Year of High School, which is exclusively neurotypical and allocishet friendly.
And I’m scared. As hell. And I NEED somewhere to dump my thoughts, so I can FINALLY talk to my school counselor and teachers, and try my damned best to advocate for myself after FINALLY being able to somewhat articulate my condition and slap a label on the suffering that has literally ruined my life at certain points and alienated me from my peers and elders for SO. LONG.
Living in a primarily conservative and traditionalist Indian community that is heavily and tragically uneducated on neurodivergency and having literally everyone around me dismiss my condition as ‘being lazy or unfocused’ is already hard enough as it is. Asian customs of ‘saving face’ ‘honor’ and ‘filial piety’ apply to my region in addition to internalized ableism, humility and queerphobia, and the ‘clan/family’ from which my family is descended from, and though it is common throughout ALL of India and other asian countries, I find it to be more common in South Asia, a coincidentally VERY educationally competitive country and VERY unhealthy environment for even neurotypical students. Everything you do there is literally a test of intelligence, as well as executive function and abled-ness.
Therefore, in my family, school and community, literally all symptoms of neurodivergency are overlooked and dismissed as ‘being lazy and distracted’. And it is mostly because of this that I know not of whether my cousins, parents or other relatives are neurodivergent.
DISCLAIMER, THOUGH: Neurotypical people can also have executive functioning issues from time to time in their daily life, too! It is just that for me, as well as others out there with ADHD, it is frequent and exacerbated by our differing brain structures: it is progress-hindering and literally ruins your life at some points in your life (*cough* middle school for me *cough*).
So, you’ve read the title- what is Executive Dysfunction? Well, to understand that, one must understand executive function and the purpose it serves in functional, typical human beings.
Executive functions are primarily a set of inherent mental skills and cognitive functions present in a typical, average human being (take a healthy human adult as a control group). The eight primary skills present in a human being with working Executive functions are:
Impulse Control, the ability to stop and think before acting (not related to risk assessment in my case).
Self-Monitoring, the ability to view and evaluate oneself (I don’t truly have trouble with this sometimes due to my high self-awareness, yet that is only on VERY few levels).
Emotional Control, the ability to manage emotions to achieve goals and complete tasks (still have EXTREME trouble with this).
Flexibility, the ability to adapt to changing conditions by revising plans or changing strategies (doesn’t come naturally to me due to my shit memory).
Task Initiation, the ability to start and finish tasks without procrastinating upon said tasks (MAJOR problem there, darling- broken dopamine receptors paired with a lack of this has literally RUINED my life on MULTIPLE occasions).
Organization, the ability to develop and use systems to keep track of materials and information (do you wish for an administrative role if you have no problem with this? Then do so).
Working Memory, the ability to use information held in memory to complete a task (NOT to be confused with pattern recognition/sensitivity or conceptual learning from past experience- at least in my case).
Planning and Time Management, the ability to create specific steps to reach a goal (my parents ALWAYS scold me on ‘not planning properly’ all the damn time. This specific function is not impaired, its just that I do things differently in an unorthodox method and order- ‘my way’ if you will).
These functions are all subsumed and regulated by an essential anterior section of the brain known as the frontal lobe. It is through the existence of Executive Functions that the frontal lobe regulates human activities such as consciousness, memory, decision-making, memory, attention, among other roles.
Sound familiar to anyone afflicted with ADHD? It should. What the frontal lobe regulates are the things we struggle with every day: one of the prominent symptoms is our executive function being severely and horribly impaired. Executive Dysfunction, while also showing up in people afflicted with depression, dementia and traumatic brain injuries, primarily shows up in people with Autism or ADHD.
It’s why we feel so goddamn exhausted and burnt out all the time despite having done nothing. It’s why we place something down- the next moment, it’s inexplicably gone from existence and we lose it forever. It’s why what are simple, easy tasks to neurotypicals are actually so hard for neurodivergents. It’s why, even with all the time in the world, we still feel as though there’s not enough because no matter how hard we try, we cannot will ourselves to do things that neurotypical people can patiently slog through so easily.
It’s why we react faster than we think. It’s why we’re depressed when understimulated and harrowingly anxious when overstimulated- again, broken dopamine receptors; we need tasks and activities that kickstart the production of dopamine. It’s why we can’t process unclear instructions or initiate tasks ourselves, or even pinpoint consequences that should happen instead of a whole pile of possible things that could go wrong.
It’s also why we either have trouble creating routines and planning for difficult busywork, or even feel devastated when our routines somehow are broken by external factors. It’s why we have trouble being aware of social cues or evaluating ourselves. It’s one of the many, many, MANY reasons why we’re called ‘lazy’ or ‘distracted’ or ‘oversensitive’.
It’s why we have to mentally rehearse conversations, meetings and phone calls. It’s why we’re more susceptible to trauma, gaslighting, abuse and manipulation. It’s why adults with ADHD are invalidated and infantilized. It’s why it escalates to the point, if gone untreated, where neurodivergents begin to question their judgement and sanity to the point where they can’t even trust themselves (speaking from past experiences here).
Not having what should be a basic skill and right is damning and pathetic and eternally condemning for us, and neurotypicals with intact executive functioning don’t even realize it.
I searched a long time for the proper term to describe my near-constant exhaustion, struggles with object impermanence and the sheer mental exhaustion that came with ADHD upon trying to live up to neurotypical standards every day before I found this term. Was it depression? Anxiety? Maybe another obscure mental condition I hadn’t heard about?
Turns out depression and anxiety were offshoots of my initial untreated condition, although they have significantly calmed down and became only mild as of now (thanks to masking, some therapy sessions and scolding from my parents that medicine was expensive and that I was ‘living my life wrong’).
So, reminder: If you are experiencing Executive Dysfunction, or if you have ADHD or are neurodivergent in any way… hang in there. Like all things good and bad, this too shall eventually pass, even if not fully. Even with your condition, you’re doing your best, and no one has the right to hold you to neurotypical standards or tell you that you’re just ‘lazy’ or ‘scatterbrained’.
You’re doing spectacularly, the best that you can, and I’m SO proud of you.
Walk this world with that same pride, alright? There will always be someone out there who believes in you, and I choose to be that person.
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ADHD folks I need your help!
So, I lead a workshop for 10yo kids and one of them is probably hyperactive. He can't physically sit down more than 2 minutes, fidgets hard, cant stop talking or making noises, and this sucks for everyone including him because while he likes the workshop it's hard to give him directions and channel his energy while taking care of the other kids as well.
It gets so bad for him that he has a reputation at school, nobody wanted him in their workshops except me and his parents refuse to take him to a doctor for a possible diagnosis.
People who struggled when they were kids, what helped and what do you suggest I do to help him? I planned to allow him to stand up instead of sitting down, give him a fidget toy and maybe even let him do activities related to his passion which is manga. Are these good ideas and do you have any pointers?
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