That Time Mat Went Batshit (Pt. 6/???)
So, idk if I've ever mentioned this, but I have kids. Like, little kids who look up to me and I make sure to check in with every day. They're my babies. And I need to do a character profiling exercise, so I'm going to introduce you to them in the most batshit way possible! (I will not be using their real names, obvi, but enjoy!)
Griffin:
shitposts in the group chat all the time
does not know the difference between a controversial joke and an unacceptable joke.
has???? a minimal???? amount of rizz????
knows everyone's secrets
can be wise when he doesn't wanna be an ass
the best techie EVER
The Jalapeño:
bby bisexual
addicted to Warhammer and Zelda
watches too much anime
forgets drink water
DnD DM
so. many. allergies. It's so fucking hard to feed him.
misled from time to time (reddit is his news source so we've had to have talks about what's fake news and real news)
is a gentleman (will give u his sweater if u accidentally bled thru ur pants no questions asked)
Stylish Arguer:
forgets she's desi all the time
too much tik tok
hot cheeto girl /pos
Gets into stupid arguments that I have to defuse 24/7
wears flared yoga pants >>>>>:\
the BEST hair of all time
so so good at basketball
Am I Your One And Only:
Will scream at you from backstage bc you're being a dinkwad
sexually frustrated lesbian
so many younger sisters
probably has committed a homicide
volleyball girl
wears slides everywhere (?????????)
Sam I Am:
OH MY GOD IF I HAD TO BE WORRIED ABOUT ONLY ONE OF MY KIDDOS FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE IT WOULD BE HIM
depressed
needs therapy desperately
misinformed (reddit and twitter are his sources)
bitter at the world and needs reminders that sexism is still real
actually such a nice person tho
dyes hair, shaves hair
carries a suit in his backpack all the time
Abraham Lincoln:
has a dog :D
my og kiddo #1
NOT my fav tho (or maybe he is... we'll never know)
always gives me his ramen
is a gentleman (will give u sweater if u bled thru ur pants... but he'd ask so many questions and when he finds out... so embarrassed)
despite being uncomfortable about puberty, learns everything he can for his baby sister
baseball boy
mini golfs so much
can be a bit of an icarus (aka: jackass) from time to time. But if u yell at him about it, he will cry. So. Find a new way to tell him he needs to cool it.
smort boi
MENDOZA, IN MY OFFICE:
so much character growth from him!!!!
my og kiddo #2
NOt mY FaVoURITE i SWEAR-!!!!1!!
always lets me take his hat (it's his hat in my pfp!!!!!!!!)
learned how to be an intersectional feminist over night for reasons that will be disclosed later on
also baseball boy
bffs w abe link ^^^^^^
has minimal rizz, still pulls
mischievous
finds pics of me and my worst enemy and photoshops hearts onto them
steals my food. Easy to feed.
anxious
asks a lot of questions abt sex. I'm happy to answer, but really HOW MUCH does he need to KNOW??????
Mini Me But Not Quite:
got louder over the course of eight months
big hamilton, heathers, beetlejuice, in the heights, [insert every musical here] fan
BANGER music taste
LOVES percy jackson, heartstopper, the owl house, amphibia [insert all quality media types here]
another bby bisexual
is the reason MENDOZA, GET IN MY OFFICE became an intersectional feminist overnight (that night was the night they started dating)
material GoWrl
is totally not my favorite
NPC:
blonde.
an amazing singing voice
came out of her shell bc of me??????????? T.T
does fortnite and tik tok dances all the time
gets into some dumb arguments
shit talks everyone
so kind
works so damn hard and she KNOWS it
not innocent.
fav Lover song is Paper Rings :D
Ham Boi:
doesn't understand hamilton refs despite being a hamilton
so dumb
Is The Jalapeño's bff
easy to feed
thinks you need to be 'one of the guys' to play DnD
knows what a chancla is (now.....)
is the baby of the group
needs positive reinforcement 24/7
LIGHT:
got drama
quiet
so fucking loud after she met me
judges everyone.
has a good sense of Girl Code
SO stylish. My girl will coordinate her skirt, her hijab, and her JACKET in the same color family and show up to school lookin FLAWLESSS
thinks that I am a replacement for health class (I am)
makes such amazing art it makes me cry
writes so well and works so hard
I won't even deny she's up there with the favorites.
BASICALLY, THEY ALL MAKE ME FEEL OLD
(i beg u to look at the tags. they're so fucking random)
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