you’re the northern star
Inspired by this song by Dom Fera
Pairing: Rockstar!Remus Lupin x fem!Reader (Modern AU)
Category: Hurt/Comfort/Fluff
TW: implied alcohol/drug use (really just overdoing it on Remus’ part)
Well, this is different, innit? I was rewatching the Taylor Swift Miss Americana documentary and I got an idea about a rockstar not sure of what to do with himself. Also, this is a really fucking stunning song that I’ve loved and wanted to use for a while. The other lyrics Y/N sings are another Dom Fera song called “Midnights in October”.
Three rum and cokes and a couple beers in
Some lucky drunk stood up, heavy with where he’d been
And he held onto someone, and he sung out compelled
“You’re why I was right to trust myself”
~~~
Being a rockstar was everything Remus ever dreamed of. The Marauders had kicked off when the boys had all finished school together. Peter had quickly left before they really took off - unsurprising, really, but no less saddening - quickly replaced, though, by Frank Longbottom, who was, in fact, a better player anyway. With Frank on keyboards, Remus on bass, James on drums, and Sirius on guitar and vocals, the band really began to gel for the first time. Remus and Sirius wrote all the music and lyrics - mostly Remus, really. He could play piano, guitar, and bass, making it easier for him to arrange everything, but Sirius did his fair share. The addition of Frank seemed to symbolize a new beginning for everything, really.
That and James and Lily finally getting together. If James wasn’t so head over heels for the girl, Remus could’ve sworn he’d asked her out just for her connections.
With Lily installed as their manager, The Marauders started to play bigger venues, their songs started getting more streams, and, suddenly, they were releasing EPs, then an album released to stunning reviews and an enthusiastic and ever growing fan base. They were invited on Graham Norton, then played a UK tour, then a US tour, performing on Jimmy Fallon, and Saturday Night Live. Then the Grammys came - Album of the Year, Record of the Year, Best New Artist, and Best Rock Album, all in one fell swoop.
And Remus suddenly realized that that was all he’d ever wanted. All he’d ever wanted...and now that he had it, what was he to do? He didn’t really know. He suddenly felt embarrassed and uncomfortable. He couldn’t write, he couldn’t sleep, he couldn’t do much of anything. He played with the group, but even Sirius got on him for how bummed out he sounded while singing backing vocals. He didn’t feel like he could talk to his bandmates. He started drinking...aggressively, really. When he couldn’t sleep, he would drink to knock himself out, sometimes popping pills to help in the endeavor. Then he’d take pills to wake up, take pills to energize himself to do a show. He knew it was bad, but he felt just numb.
It was an unspoken problem with his bandmates. They knew something was wrong, especially Sirius, who was so furious with him after their last writing session - a session to which Remus arrived late and hungover - that he didn’t speak to him for almost a week unless he absolutely had to. This last leg of the US tour couldn’t be over quick enough in Remus’ opinion. Tensions were high and maybe...maybe he just needed a break? He wasn’t sure. Their Reno, Nevada shows had been sold out and with the weekend over, they’d leave the next morning for Los Angeles. Dropping his stuff at the bus and then going to his hotel room to pick up his wallet, he left the hotel without telling anyone, doubting they’d miss him. James and Lily were...canoodling in their room, Frank was facetiming back home with his girlfriend, Alice, and Sirius was seducing whatever groupie he’d brought back that evening. Remus had tried the groupie route, hoping that feeling something would bring him back to earth, but it just made him feel even more numb, really.
So, he took off. Their hotel was near enough to a bar that he walked over pretty quickly. It was some local place, he didn’t pay the name too much mind, settling at the bar and hoping no one recognized him. It was pretty dark, anyway. There was a little group playing popular music covers on a small stage in one corner, but it wasn’t too busy. Remus asked for a rum and coke, heavy on the rum. The bartender seemed to get the message and Remus quickly chugged back a couple of drinks, asking for a third when the band caught his attention.
“This is a less popular song,” a young woman says while pulling a stool up to the mic, “but it’s one of my favorites. I hope you like it.” The opening chords of the song caught his attention. He watched, transfixed, as the young woman began to sing.
“Oh, oh, oh, oh. There’s a story I tell, really just to myself. Like a prayer I sing to empty shores, so how’s it sound just like yours? How’s it sound just like yours?” she sang wistfully, her pretty voice lilting around the lyrics.
Remus hoped he wasn’t drunkenly imagining things...because he’d written this song. It was one of the first songs released by The Marauders back before...before anything, really. Before they’d turned to rock, even. It was one of the songs he’d recorded with Sirius when it was just the two of them. He’d recorded all the parts in his closet at university, sitting cross-legged on the floor to fit in there with his various instruments, and mixing the parts on his computer instead of writing a paper for his intro to philosophy course.
“There’s a spirit over midnights in October and it sings to you and only you. So, how did I hear it too? How did I hear it too?” She continues to play on ukelele as the rest of the band comes in on piano, bass, and drum, but Remus remains focused on the young woman. Her eyes are closed, but she’s smiling to herself as she sings. She looks so...peaceful. He can’t believe it’s his song that’s made her so...so happy, so wistful. The fans loved the music, sure, but Remus hadn’t seen someone love someting he’d created like this before. He sips his drink slowly, methodically. He doesn’t want to get drunk for the first time in ages. He wants to speak to this beautiful girl. He wants to tell her...he doesn’t know, but he needs to be more put together to talk to her.
“And if we try to say what we need we could be okay. We clearly believe in believing, baby, we’ll try slow, we’ll try slow. There’s a spirit over midnights in October and it sings to you, only you and now I’m singing too. And now I’m singing too. And now I’m singing too.” She finishes the song and there’s a small round of applause, led mostly by Remus. The guitarist steps up to the mic and thanks everyone, announcing the end of the set for the band. The group gets offstage and Remus tries not to seem creepy as the young woman crosses to bar, leaning over it and ordering a Jameson on the rocks.
“I’ll get it,” he hears himself say. She turns to see him and her eyes widen.
“Oh my God, you’re...you’re Remus Lupin,” she almost whispers.
“Yeah,” he shrugs unsure of what to say. He’s still not used to the fans. Thankfully, she doesn’t seem the type to freak out. In fact she looks almost embarrassed.
“I promise I had no idea you were here,” she says quietly, “I would never have played that if I’d known-”
“I loved it,” he cuts her off. “You have a beautiful voice.”
“Um,” she looks surprised, “thank you. I really...um, I’m not really a singer or-”
“Could’ve fooled me,” he teases. The bartender hands her her drinks and she seems to remember where they are.
“What’s your name?” he asks.
“Y/N,” she answers shyly. She looks down at her drink and opens her mouth, quickly closing it again, unsure of what to say. Remus feels the most sober he’s felt in ages. There’s something about this girl that’s warming him. He can feel his heart beating and it’s the most he’s felt in ages.
“Well, Y/N,” he smiles, scooting over and sitting next to her. “Tell me more about yourself.”
“I...what?” Y/N looks at him quizzically. “Don’t you have a show or...groupies to...or something?”
“I don’t have anything to do,” he teases, “except talk to the pretty lady that sang one of my oldest and most favorite songs in a random bar in Reno. So how’s about you tell me everything about yourself, hm?”
She looks at him, head tilting slightly, “Can I get you a drink?”
“A water,” he answers quietly. Her eyes glance for the briefest second at the three empty glasses next to him, but she doesn’t ask any questions. She orders him a water and scoots closer.
“So, my name is Y/N Y/L/N.”
~~~
He said
Keep me up, keep me out late
Keep me close, I need your faith
Keep right where you are
‘Cause I followed this far
Like I’m sure that you’re the Northern Star
I’m sure that you’re the Northern Star
~~~
“I need a ticket for tomorrow’s show, please,” Remus asks suddenly, not quite expecting the silence that follows. He looks up and sees everyone on the bus staring at him. “What?”
“For tomorrow?” Lily questions, clearly trying not to sound surprised.
“Yes, please,” Remus replies.
“Who the hell do you know in LA?” Sirius asks far more aggressively than Lily.
“She’s not from LA,” Remus answers. “But she couldn’t get a ticket to the Reno shows, so I invited her to the LA one.”
“So there’s a she?” James teases, wiggling his eyebrows. Lily elbows him gently and then pulls her iPad over to her from the box it rests in on the bus. She opens it and clicks a few things.
“VIP, I’d imagine?” she asks without looking at him.
“If you can, that’d be cool,” Remus tries to sound nonchalant. Lily nods and continues typing.
“And what’s the name of this she?” Frank heckles, glancing at Sirius and James.
“None of your business,” Remus replies, trying to hide his smile.
“I will actually need her name,” Lily corrects.
“You can’t just put it under my name?” Remus almost whines.
“Not if you want her in the VIP area,” Lily looks at him mock accusingly. “And from the sounds of things, I assume you do.”
“Y/N,” he tells her, sighing exasperatedly. “Y/N Y/L/N.” He looks back down at his notebook, scrawling down a few ideas he’d had in his head since last night. He and Y/N had talked until the bar closed, then sat outside talking about everything and nothing until he’d had to leave for the bus. The couch shifts as Sirius plops down next to him.
“You writing?” he asks, trying to sound nonchalant.
“Maybe,” Remus shrugs, not looking at him. He can feel Sirius staring at him, but sees him nod out of the corner of his eye.
“You hungover?” Sirius asks quietly.
“No,” Remus clears his throat, finally looking up at his friend. “I’m, um...thinking of taking a break from drinking for a bit, actually.”
“Cool,” Sirius nods, a small smile playing on his lips. “Pills, too?” Remus nods and Sirius practically beams, clapping him on the shoulder and nodding. He stands, heading back to his bunk before turning around, now facing everyone, a shit-eating grin on his face, “So, will you be dedicating every song to Y/N, or...”
Remus throws a pillow at him and pretends to be annoyed, but can’t ignore the genuine joy edging its way back into his numbed heart.
~~~
Three hours in to a three minute call
Some gambler wondered if she’d just won it all
And she laughed when he asked if his head seemed alright
Singing, “I’ve seen the bright side my whole lovely life”
~~~
“How’s the writing going?” she asks, taking a sip of water from her Stanley cup that’s just off camera. Remus leans back against his headboard and groans in response. He’s thrilled when she giggles and he looks back at the screen to catch her smile.
“It can’t be that bad,” Y/N teases.
“It’s not, actually,” Remus replies. “Album’s due to the label in about two months and we’ve finalized all but two songs in terms of lyrics. So that’s two left to record? Not too shabby since it took us so long to write the damn thing.”
“That’s amazing. More songs about...oh, what’s that new one I loved? Um...the one about Aperol?”
“’Spritz’ was more Sirius’ baby than mine, I’ll have you know,” Remus explains, “but I’ll tell him you like it, he’ll rub that in my face for ages.”
“Maybe he’ll hate me less for distracting his bassist,” she quips.
“No one hates you, darling,” Remus assures her. “If anything they’re just happy I’m smiling again.” It’s getting dark outside his window and he leans over to turn his lamp on.
“I’m sorry,” Y/N says suddenly. “I shouldn’t be keeping you up. I know the time difference is-”
“Hey, hey, hey,” he cuts her off, sitting up straighter, “I wouldn’t answer if I didn’t want to talk, love.”
“I know, but we were just going to say goodnight and then-”
“We both know,” he tilts his head teasingly, staring at her through the webcam, “that we weren’t going to just say goodnight.”
Y/N rolls her eyes but smiles, “There are better ways of telling me I talk too much.”
“I’d love it if you could talk to me all day long,” Remus assures her. “And you know that.”
“I’d like that, too,” Y/N whispers, smiling gently at him through the webcam.
“Really?” Remus asks, sitting up slightly.
“Yeah, there’s all this stuff that I want to tell you throughout the day...and I’d text you, but then I feel dumb for texting you-”
“You can text me whenever, you know that,” he reminds her. She giggles and his heart soars.
“I’ll keep that in mind when you finally get annoyed of me sending you pictures of my morning smoothies,” she teases.
“Smoothie time? Babe, I’d be heartbroken if I missed it!” She laughs and he uses the warm feeling in his chest to talk about what he’s wanted to for a few weeks now. “But...but what if...what if you were able to talk to me all day?”
She freezes, eyes growing wide, “What do you mean?”
“I know that we...I know we haven’t been together all that long,” he begins. “But, I would...I’d really like it if you’d be my girlfriend. And I’d...I’d love it if you’d come here and just be with me. You can still pursue your music here...I know that you’re...”
“I’d do it,” Y/N replies quietly.
Remus’ heart does that thing that it’s done since the moment he saw her. It feels like it’s expanding in his chest.
“Really?”
“How soon do you want me there, lover boy?”
~~~
Three weeks away from a year since the score
And the reckless thieves reckoned they could get even more
They ain’t casing out weddings, nah those are too big a sight
They’re just looking at dresses and rings that she likes
~~~
It’s warm in the Ed Sullivan Theatre, but Stephen Colbert is easily the nicest host Remus has ever had the pleasure to meet. Despite the fact that he agreed to letting them present the new song instead of playing the lead single, Remus is still nervous.
“Three more weeks, dude,” Sirius whispers to him.
“Yeah, I know. How’s James holding up? Ready to get married?” Remus jokes, leaning back so James can hear him, whispering even though they’re on a commercial break.
James isn’t annoyed, though, he grins hugely, “Never been more ready, boys.”
“No, not that, I mean, yeah, but, you and your girl,” Sirius corrects. “One year, right?”
Remus beams himself, “Yeah, just about three weeks. Our anniversary’s, like, two days after the wedding.”
“You, um...you thinking about it?” Sirius hedges, passing side glances with Frank and James.
“About what?” Remus asks with faux innocence.
“Come off it,” Frank groans, rolling his eyes. He and Alice got married during their last break, just before the release of this new album, timing it perfectly before the madness kicked back up again.
“You guys gonna be copying everything from me and Lily’s wedding?” James teases. The boys laugh, but Remus just smiles. He glances around and spots you talking to Lily, probably going over your set list. You’ll be opening for The Marauders in most cities during this next tour. You’re a bit more indie pop than The Marauders, but the boys genuinely wouldn’t have it any other way. And the fans will likely love how you close with one of Sirius’ and Remus’ oldest songs, bringing the boys onstage with a tune of their own.
Seeing that you’re distracted, he turns back to his band, his oldest friends and whispers conspiratorially, “No...no, but, um...I mean, I’ve had the ring for about six months now.”
All three men turn and face him, eyes widening, jaws dropping.
“Dude-”
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN?”
“Six months?!?!?”
“Chill,” Remus whisper yells. “I’m gonna ask when we go to Paris after the tour’s over.”
“That’s so romantic!” Frank whispers, turning away as a cameraman signals for them. James smiles and sends him a thumbs up.
Sirius stares at him for a moment longer and smiles. He mouthes, “Happy for you, dude” as Colbert introduces them.
“Back stateside for their new tour, the British rock band The Marauders is with us tonight. Originally they were going to perform the newest lead single from their new album, which Rolling Stone has called, ‘a near perfect sophomore album’, but their bassist, Mr. Remus Lupin, emailed about a week ago and asked if he could perform a bonus track. This is a bit different, isn’t it, Remus?”
Mr. Colbert looks to the band and a camera zeroes in on Remus, a kind PA holding a mic up to him.
“Yeah, it’s not...not really a rock song, I guess,” he grins as the audience titters.
“It’s called ‘Northern Star’,” Colbert says, smiling widely at him.
“Yeah, yeah,” Remus nods.
“When we started writing, Sirius and I, we had a lot of songs that sounded like this. And it took someone very special,” Remus finds Y/N’s eyes and his smile deepens, “to remind me how wonderful it felt to write like this again.”
“Well, please take it away,” Colbert finishes.
Remus nods and looks down at the piano, pulling the attached mic closer to his face as silence falls over the audience. He can feel Y/N staring at him, not expecting this at all.
“Three rum and cokes and a couple beers in
Some lucky drunk stood up, heavy with where he'd been
And he held onto someone, and he sung out, compelled
‘You're why I was right to trust myself’
He said
Keep me up, keep me out late
Keep me close, I need your faith
Keep right where you are
Cause I followed this far
Like I'm sure that you're the Northern Star
I’m sure that you’re the Northern Star
Three hours into a three-minute call
Some gambler wondered if she'd just won it all
And she laughed when he asked if his head seemed alright
Singing, "I've seen the bright sides my whole lovely life"
She said
Talk me up and talk me down
Talk too long, I'll stick around
Talk me into following you somewhere far
Like I'm sure you're the Northern Star
I'm sure you're the Northern Star
La la la
Three weeks away from a year since the score
And the reckless thieves reckoned they could get even more
They ain't casing out weddings, nah those are too big a sight
They're just looking at dresses and rings that she likes
They said
Keep me up, keep me out late
Keep me close, I need your faith
Keep right where you are
Cause I followed this far
Like I'm sure that you're the Northern Star
Oh, I'm sure you're the Northern Star
I'm sure
And I'm sure that you're the Northern Star.”
Remus hits the last chords staring at Y/N, hearing his friends playing his beautiful song all around him, and knowing that he’s happier than he ever thought he could be. Rockstar be damned, this is what he’d always wanted.
~~~
A/N: This is different, but I hope you liked it!
Didn’t include my taglist because it’s been so long, plus this is a different fandom! Love you all xx
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hi, I just wanted to let you know that reading your writing brings me so much comfort and joy. Today, I found out that the person I’ve liked for the longest time has a girlfriend, and it’s been hard to say the least. It also didn’t help that I read an unrequited love blurb featuring remus as soon as I got home 😭 I was just wondering if you’d be willing to write something where the reader assumes that remus doesn’t like her because he seems aloof, but is actually just nervous because he likes her so much. I am so appreciative of you and your beautiful work, as always 🤍
this made me tear up. your words are so kind, and are the push i needed this week to keep writing <3 never in a million years did i think anyone would think this about my writing. thank you.
i'm sorry to hear about your crush; unrequited love is a tricky and heavy feeling. i have no doubt you'll find your person, though. as someone who's had my fair share of heartache, i promise, it won't hurt forever. my friends think i'm crazy because my advice is always to just let it hurt. but one day you'll wake up and you'll have run out of hurt. and you won't even remember what you saw in them, anymore. sending love.
P.S. i suck at writing shy remus so this is more like silent, unreadable remus. idk i'm tired. hope this is okay!
---
remus lupin x f!reader - masterlist 1.2k words
cw - implied self esteem issues, smoking, drinking
Remus' thumping steps carry up the staircase only seconds after you call on him. You're facing the mirror when he arrives in the doorway, hair clasped to the side in one hand, and the other reaching aimlessly for the zip half way down the back of your dress. His eyes find yours over your shoulder in the reflection, a fond smile passing over his features when he steps through the threshold into your room.
"You look lovely." He comments, voice warm and smooth in the way that it always is.
Warm Remus, smooth Remus, so fond and kind, feels like home and everything familiar. His fingers are warm as he tugs gently at the zip, one hand placed on your shoulder for leverage. His touch is gentle, like he's afraid he might break you, and it lingers for only a moment when he's done. You swallow around the lump of want in your throat, the want for it to have lasted longer, the want for him to touch you and have it mean something. It doesn't do any good to want. Because you can't have, and you've had to deal with becoming okay with that fact.
"Thanks, Rem."
He nods, lips curled in on themselves like he wants to say something, a look in his eyes you've never been able to read. He says nothing, and he retreats with the promise to wait on you with the others in the living room. Remus does that a lot - refrains from the things he wants to say, stops himself short. You wish he wouldn't.
You're always wishing, wishing, wishing.
He keeps true to his word. Remus is waiting in the living room with Sirius, James, and a rather flustered looking Frank when you descend the staircase. It's only now you realise how lovely Remus looks in his suit. Partly because of how Sirius is wearing his - like he had a fight with it and lost. Remus stands when you appear, as if on instinct, and takes a step forwards. You smile, eyes catching on Frank who's looking at the clock like it's stealing time from before his very eyes. You suppose, in a way, it is.
"You okay?" You feel the need to ask, hint of a smile playing on your lips.
Frank looks alarmed by your question, a grimace on his face, "She's going to be there, isn't she? She's not going to, like, do a runner? Have you spoke to her today?"
James huffs a laugh, pats Frank on the shoulder rather heavily. The whiskey in his crystal tumbler splashes over the side and onto the rug. "Last I heard, Mary and Marlene had her pinned down in the make up chair, she tried, but they wouldn't let her."
Sirius barks a laugh. Frank scowls. He knows you're kidding. Alice Fortescue has been absolutely smitten for Frank Longbottom since she was thirteen. There's absolutely nothing that could stop her from walking down that aisle, today. Frank knows that as well as you do.
"Not helping." James decides, passes Frank a cigarette.
He mumbles something about not wanting to smoke inside and makes for the door. Remus gives James and Remus a pointed look, "Better make sure he doesn't do a runner, yeah?"
They're quick out the door like they actually believe Frank would ever do something like that. The only place he'd ever run to is Alice. And she'd have his balls for seeing her in her wedding dress before the ceremony. Remus gives you a familiar smile, a knowing smile, a smile he saves for you and you only. It feels like he's in on something you aren't when he smiles like that. Heat crawls up your neck, flowers wrap their way around you rib cage.
"You scrub up well, you know." Is all you manage to say, rather breathless.
Remus rolls his eyes, "I try."
A minute of amused silence, Remus passes you the glass of wine in his hand. The glass is warm from being in his clutch, but you drink from it anyway.
"I thought after the catering disaster this wedding wasn't going to happen." Remus admits, looking out of the living room window at where Frank paces the length of the front path, working his way through his second cigarette. Alice will have your head for allowing such a thing.
You hum a disagreement, eyes roaming Remus' face, it's so soft, so beautifully shaped. You've no idea why he hates his scars so much. They only outline his best qualities. The one over the bridge of his perfectly sloped nose, the one under his beautiful amber eyes, the one along his sharp cheekbones, and your favourite one: the one across his cupids bow, defining his soft, pink lips. It's a shame, really, that Remus Lupin thinks so little of himself. You'd give him the world should he only ask.
"I think nothing can stop a love like that," You murmur, soft and quiet, voice thick with something, "Not even a shoddy caterer."
Remus' eyes leave the front garden, meet with yours in a way that always makes heat explode in your chest. He's too much to look at, sometimes. It physically hurts.
"You always have such a positive outlook on life."
You laugh, shoulders shrugging, "Suppose it's habit."
"From?"
"Keeping you miserable lot from giving up all together?" You offer, smiling over the rim of your wine glass.
Remus laughs, genuine and unashamed. "Tell you what, at our wedding, I promise to be the one keeping everything together, how about that?"
He seems to flinch after that, like he's physically pained by the words coming out of his mouth. You flinch, too. The flowers around your rib cage wilt and pull tighter all in one go, a frown pulling at your lips.
"I wasn't aware we were getting married."
Remus smiles like he's in pain, "Yeah, well, step one would actually be asking you on a date, but I'm a right twat who's mucked all that up."
There's something self deprecating about him. You don't like it. Remus Lupin deserves the world. You'll give him the world. You didn't think he wanted that from you, though. But you smile, gentle and sweet in a way you hope he'll like. It feels like something shifts. Maybe the stars begin to write a story about you both. Maybe the sun stops it's rotation just for a second to watch you both.
The wedding car pulls up outside and Remus, seemingly eager to back away from the situation he's created, slams his own drink down on the table and makes for the door.
"Remus," You call after him, he turns, "I'd marry you."
You offer him a lopsided smile. His eyes search your face for any sign of a joke. He finds none. You hope he understands what you mean.
"How about a date first?" He asks.
You release a breath, a laugh, a smile. It feels like you're floating.
"Sure, yeah. That first."
The front door swings open and Sirius barges his way past Remus, panicked and disheveled, "I've lost the fucking rings!"
Remus sighs, hand in his pocket, hands Sirius the red velvet box, "Here."
You're laughing all the way down the path, shoulder brushing Remus', the start of something new.
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