#fuck this company but they made my childhood dammit

[minijenn]

I FUCKING HATE DISNEY BUT ONCE UPON A STUDIO MADE ME SOB LIKE A NOSTALGIC BITCH

#how can such an evil company create such wonderful movies fuck man #when they all started singing wish upon a star i knew i was fucking doomed #fuck this company but they made my childhood dammit #also seeing traditional disney animation again in the year of our lord 2023? #it revived my spirit it was so lovely #once upon a studio

[pleasantlycrazyworld]

Can I request #11 "ah, my friend looks like he's about to kill you, you better leave,"

With please 🥺😚

Eddie and you have been friends since childhood. You lived three trailers down from him your whole life and once Eddie got his license and his van the two of you made it a tradition to go out to lunch every Saturday. And this week you needed it more than ever.

After the week you've had Eddie was worried about you. He had to watch you suffer and overwork yourself from Monday until Friday and dammit he was done just watching on the sidelines. When you tried to convince him to reschedule lunch on Saturday he was shocked and maybe he threatened you a bit...nothing bad! Just said he was going to steal your favorite blanket until you came over again but that was enough to show you he meant business.

It's currently Saturday at noon when Eddie decided to get ready to head over to your place, and thank goodness he did. When he came over he was greeted with the sight of you on the couch surrounded by notebooks and pens. "What are you doing? It's Saturday there is no work on our Saturdays!" Eddie exclaims as he goes over and moves the items away from you. "Eddie I need to get this done. Besides our plans aren't for another three hours." Eddie just rolls his eyes and takes the items to the other room, once he hides them he returns to you. "Now that they are away I say we leave early, maybe go to the mall and then lunch? I'm paying so don't even try the whole "I'm trying to save money" argument."

He knows he has you right where he needs you when you sigh and nod, "Okay maybe I do need to get out of the house for a bit." He smiles and agrees to wait in the living area when you go get dressed, he really did have today all planned out to make sure you will relax for once. Shortly after you leave to get dressed you come back out ready to go.

Eddie dragged you to the mall. You know that you need to relax and that he was trying to help but there was this dark cloud above you that was just full of reminders of all the things you need to get done. Eddie can tell that you're in your head and he just can't have that. He knew one store that always brought you joy and that was the next stop on the little route he made up.

"Okay...I must admit it you know me very well Munson" You chuckle as he drags you into your favorite store, "Yes I do and I take pride in that sweetheart" Eddie says smiling widely as he watches you roam the isles of the store.

While shopping your mood did lift and you couldn't wait until lunch. Eddie made sure to get the specific table you like and called in a favor to make sure that your favorite dessert was on the menu today. You two arrive at the restaurant and you are in awe when you see that your favorite table was where you two were sitting, you gasp when the waitress tells you about the dessert special. "Eddie, how did you do this?" He scoffs at the question "I will never tell my secrets"

The entire lunch was going amazing....until Eddie left to go to the bathroom. You were just finishing paying up front when this creep asked for your name and he just wouldn't leave you alone no matter how often you told him to fuck off. "Oh come on beautiful, you're all by yourself wouldn't you just love the company of a handsome single man?" You scoff and just as you're about to go off on him you smirk seeing Eddie glaring at the back of the guy's head. "Ah, my friend looks like he's about to kill you, you better leave" The guy looks confused, and just as he's about to talk again that's when Eddie comes back.

"This guy bothering you sweetheart?" Eddie asks, very ready to get kicked out of this restaurant. "He is Ed's, but I think I'm just ready to go home." Eddie nods and wraps an arm around your shoulder to lead you back to the van. When you two get in the van Eddie starts to apologize profusely, "I am so sorry I ever left! If I knew that creep was even in the building I would've stuck by you and-" That's when you cut him off with a kiss. Eddie stops speaking immediately, his eyes widen and he leans into the kiss when he finally realizes what's going on. You pull away first and he whines not feeling you anymore, "What um..what was that for sweetheart?" he asks with a stutter, "You talk too much do you know that? This was the best day I've had in a while and it's all thanks to you"

You never expected to fall in love with your best friend but now looking at the situation...there is no one better for you than him.

Yeah...idk how this became friends to lovers lol but I hope you enjoy it!! If you did please reblog and comment!

Taglist: @b-ritney @zestychili @tiannasfanfic @ghosttownwherenoonegoes @thefreak0fhawkinshigh @eiightysixbaby

i think thats everyone! if not let me know if you want to be tagged in my work!

#eddie munson #eddie munson imagine #eddie stranger things #stranger things imagine #eddie munson fluff

[khonshoe]

lil part of the other piece of writing i did. i just really  enjoy the idea of strangers somehow noticing jake when he's in need of help, and offering that help to him. jake receiving kindness he’s never got the chance to have... just tickles my brain in all the right ways

-

It’s getting harder to keep them from fronting. And he can feel them rustling around in the headspace, trying to open doors best left closed. They won’t be able to, of course. That’s the whole point of him, after all. Keeping things under lock and key. It doesn’t stop them, though. And that’s where the problems start. Technically, it doesn’t hurt for them to be poking around. His locks haven’t failed him yet—but what if they do? If they do, and the horrors of their childhood are exposed, the horrors he's committed for their safety—No. No, it won’t happen. He won’t fail, he refuses. It’s safe for them in the headspace, because his locks won’t fail.

But just because poking around doesn’t hurt his alters, doesn’t mean he enjoys it. When memories are prodded, he’s the one who's reminded of them.

Jake closes his eyes and grits his teeth. Pinches the bridge of his nose as unwanted feelings resurface. Red behind his eyes—-red on his hands. He opened his eyes abruptly, heart rate picking up. Stares at the nearest reflective surface, watches his hands. Tries not to let them shake. Tries to control his breathing as much as he can—no need to draw attention. He’s here, he’s fine. Marc and Steven are safe in their mind. Everything’s fine.

His chest feels tight.

He can’t breathe. Fuck—he can’t breathe.

(Calm down, Jake, just calm down. Stop it—someone’s going to see you, dammit.)

He can’t, he can’t, his chest is thigh and his heart is racing and he can’t fucking breathe—-

“You alright, love?”

Jake startles far more than he should, arms coming up to shield the body against—-just a woman. A kid. A mother and her son. (Fuck’s sake, Jake. Get a hold of yourself before you hurt someone, you disgusting—-)

Jake shakes his head hard, shutting down that thought. (If there's one thing he's sure of: he doesn't deserve that. None of them did. We were just boys.) Freezes when he realises how that could be interpreted. Nods sharply instead.

“I’m fine,” he says, short-breathed. His hands are clenched into fists at this side. The woman doesn’t look convinced.

“I’m fine, really,” he says again, each word weighed and measured. It takes every ounce of his willpower to not let panic overtake him completely. He has to protect them—he has to protect his boys—-

“How ‘bout you sit down, love. You don’t look so good.” The woman draws closer and Jake tries not to flinch. “Jesse can keep you company, and I'll get us a cuppa, alright?”

“I’m—” Jake swallows, trembling. “It’s—”

“...Sit down, love. It’s alright.” There are gentle hands on his shoulders, ushering him to a bench. “Deep breaths, now. You’re alright.”

I’m fine, he wants to say. You don’t need to waste your time on me. I’m fine. This is what I’m made for.

But the words stick in his throat and he cannot bear the weight of the emotions in his chest.

(How could he tell her? What could he possibly say to this woman—this stranger with her kind words and gentle hands. He cannot begin to describe how compassion sickens him. He cannot stomach it—he cannot, he cannot.)

“Would you like to pet Max?”

Jake blinks. It takes a moment before he realises it’s the boy who spoke. He’s young, Jake notes faintly. Just as young as—-

“It’s okay, he doesn’t bite—promise.”

Jake looks at the dog, looks at the boy’s hopeful expression. Nods. Gloved fingers brush through thick fur. The motion is soothing, and slowly, so is the company.

#khonshoe writes #jake lockley #moon knight fic

[popculturebuffet]

Quick Thoughts: Nickelodeon All-Star Brawl Reveal Trailer and Initial Roster

Whelp I didn’t expect to be doing another one of these so soon but welcome to quick thoughts where I give well quick thoughts on stuff instead of the longer form reviews I usually do. 

So as longtime or even short time readers of this blog might know I love NIck. I don’t review shows from it as often as Disney or Cartoon Network, but it was still a beloved part of my childhood and still makes great shows today such as the Loud House, Harvey Beaks and Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. It’s horribly mismanaged, which is why two of those shows are no longer with us and the last of them is weirdly missing from this game, and have a long and storied history of screwing things over.. and i’m not exagerating when Mr. Enter, no matter your opinon of him now, did a whole marathon of every nicktoon almost every entry included the fact the show had been screwed over in some way. 

But as anyone who knows my history with Disney will tell you just because I don’t sugarcoat a brand I like’s fuckups dosen’t mean they aren’t near and dear to me at the same time. I”m a grown up: I can have complex emotions towards a chlidren’s tv network. So I love it’s varied shows some of whom (Avatar, Harvey beaks again, Danny Phantom, Hey Arnold) are among my all time faviorites. 

Now something readers of my blog probably WOUDLN’T know is I love Nintendo, they have their own fuckups like weird release strageies and never doing a remotely decent discount like the competition, but their still a company I love and since I only play handhelds most of the time are my primary source of good shit. So naturally Smash Bros is my faviorite franchise of theres. I love the idea of fighting games but often struggle with the combo heavy nature. So Smash Bros, having a roster of some of my faviorite characters ever, a plaformer style control scheme, and a deceptivley simple style that’s easy to learn and fun to master with the right character, is my shit. Sure I won’t rush out to buy every dlc character, but you better belivie I played the hell out of Ultimate, will likely go back to it again some day, and did buy Banjo and Kazooie because fuck yeah. 

So yeah I needed to talk about Nick making their own smash bros clone. When I heard the rumors I wasn’t sure, mostly because Rumors can be just that.. but nope this game is happening and i’m all on board for it. This isn’t Nick’s first crossover rodeo in recent memory either also making a pair of Kart Racing Games: one I KINDA wanted to play till I looked at the roster, had a good laugh and lost that i want, and the other I really want to play as it seems like the first game if it were you know an actual game with a decent track selection, a deep character roster and an actual love of it’s properties. 

So making their own Smash Bros was a logical step and one i’m here for. We haven’t had any of the big cartoon networks make one since well.. Cartoon Network, and Nick has just a deep a bench to pull from, one that will hopefully get CN to get their cast to throw hands once more. 

For now though the idea of the vast history of nick all throwing hands with each other is amazing. Look i’m honest with myself: this looks like a decent smash clone,functional but nothing specail, but with the expressive character animation and solid roster you need for a game like this. I know going in i’m not going ot get Smash Ultimate quality of brawler, but i’m probably going to have fun with it. 

The only downside I see so far is , like the Kart Racers, theyd idn’t seem to get ANY voice actors for this which smacks of laziness, especially since most of the voice actors for these characters are still active, and in some cases like Spongebob or Loud House are still working with you. So you have no real excuse for this, shame on you.

But yeah the game looks good.. despite the trailer being pretty bad. It’s just some generic music set to “LOOK WHO WE GOT”. And granted look who they got is really spiffy and i’ll be diving into that in a second, but it dosen’t give any of these characters a reall chance to show off how they play or how awesome they are. It’s just a bland montage of whose in the roster in the same 2 or 3 stages. And when you have 15 stages overall to show off that’s not excusable. Again i’m not expecting Smash level quality revelas, this game dosen’t have the marketing budget, but you have a really great concept and roster here, you coudl’ve revealed it better and this game better. The Kart Racers 2 Trailer was also mildly bland but it did show off the game better, showing off several tracks and how VASTLY improved the roster was, so you CAN make a good trailer you just didn’t. It felt like they thought the poitn of all the smash reveals trailers was here’s a character and missed all the style and substance to them. 

That being said while the trailer was weak.. it was boyed by the fact this roster is REALLY damn good. Let’s face it I woudln’t even be talking about this game if the roster wasn’t this minty but they clearly learned from Kart Racers not to half ass it and while they learned the long lessons from Smash in how to promote the fighters they have, they learned the right lessons in having a nice mix of crowd pleasing faviorites for kids and vetrans alike along with a few deep cuts for said longtime fans. And this is JUST the intitial reveal roster: Given the Box Art isn’t out yet, I feel there’s more to come, especially since despite being perfect for the game there’s no one from the Avatarverse yet, but I also feel that Nick is saving that for a second trailer to announce the release date. But I can and will go into who i’d LIKE on the roster in another one of these sometime soon. -

Spongebob, Patrick and Sandy (SpongeBob Squarepants): I’m getting these three out of the way as their essentially to this what Mario and Co were to smash: necessary and inevitible.  As for who was chosen.. it was as obvious as putting spongebob himself int he game. Sponebob is Nick’s mascot, Patrick is nearly as iconic and Sandy is well loved as well as the spongebob character most associated with buttkicking. Being an expert martial artist is both part of her character and a cerntral part of her character and relationship with Spongebob. So yeah not a lot ot say here: it was ineivible but I don’t mind at all having grown up with them and with my niece and nibling being huge fans. 

87 Leo and 87 Mikey (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles): This one i’m mixed on. Not on the turtles being here: i’m a MASSIVE TMNT fan and i’td be stupid to leave them out since Nick Owns them, made the last two series, and they fit this kind of game like a glove, even having had their OWN smash clone to themselves once. 

No my issue is obviously in the version choseN: The 87 turtles. Again I have no beef with the guys themselves, I haven’t seen much of 87 but I want to and they look really gorgeous and nicely cartoony. It’s just a REALLY weird choice. The 87 turtles have never been on a nick network due to rights issues, have never been associated with nick, and aren’t the ones most kids of EITHER DEMO would be familiar with: Grown up fans of nicktoons from the 90′s like myself would be more familiar with 2003, and kids and teens from more recent eras would be more familiar with 2012 and rise, which REALLY should’ve been the rep. I mean their weird shame of rise bothers me enough on a good day but not using EITHER show you actually made bothers me, it bothers me a lot. I’ll still probably play Mikey, i’m not made of stone and as I said I have no beef with the 87 turtles, I just wish nick had used the others or hell just gone all lin and used one turtle from each cartoon. I mean if your going to use stuff you’ve barely aired why not give me some 2003 nostalgia too huh? Though it could just be that since, unlike the rise and 2012 turrtles the 87 turtles have the same body type and colors it was easier to just do all 4 and just give each unique facial expressions. Who knows... I knows it was probably that. 

Lincoln and Lucy Loud (The Loud House, Duh): Another pretty obvious one as The Loud House is currrently nick’s co-flagship show with spongebob. Still waiting for my diffrent world spinoff with Bobby and Lori guys. So yeah Lincoln isn’t a suprise and Lucy is only minorly one as it was a matter of “which sister”... and Lucy is one of the most popular. Neither really fit a combat setting.. but given this is a fun crossover game, that really dosen’t matter and in fact is kind of the fun: taking just the most insane matcchups imaginable and mashing them together. I mean this is a game where Lincoln and Lucy can beat up Leo and Mikey, why wouldn’t I want that kind of crack on my nintendo switch? I am hoping for Luna to make her way to the stage next as she was absent from Kart Racer 2 and would be really fun to play. Plus having ANOTHER bi fighter in the mix if korra gets in there would be awesome, let alone letting the two beat up or punch each other’s face. But again I could and probably will mak ea whole article about other possible fighters i’d want. 

The Plesant Suprises: Nigel Thornberry , Oblina and Powdered Toast Man (Wild Thronberries, Ahhh! Real MOnsters1 and Ren and Stimpy) : Yeah while only one of these cartoons was a faviorite as a kid (Wild Thornberries)... I have nothing but respect for these choices. One of the funnest things about Smash is while you can see some roster members coming sometimes you get utter curveballs like Mr. Game and Watch, Pirana Plant and MInecraft Guy. They also go for more cult franchises like SNK or Earthbound (the latter of which is fucking awesome localize mother 3 already dammit) too among the big heavies, making it feel like a true tapestry of Nintendo’s history. 

Nigel is the only one of these three that’s really obvious. He’s a meme, he was the best part of his show.. but it’s still just uniquely batshit to put NIGEL THRONBERRY in a fighting game. You better belivie he’ll be one of my mains. 

Oblina is more a suprise because I thought they’d go with Icket, but instead went wtih the character who was more popular and had a really unqiue and cool design, so i’m pleased as punch to have her. Finally while I don’t have any real attachment to ren and stimply apart from Log, and really it’s hard to gain any now knowing i’ts creator was a pedophile piece of shit, the franchise is still a cornerstone of nick history, the rest oc the crew didn’t abuse power or not make deadlines or be a com plete piece of shit, and powerded toast man is genuinely great. I”d love to see Really Big Man too, clash of the weird superheroes, I love me a weird as hell superhero. This also speaks promisingly that w’ell get some real weird curveballs to come and i’m here for it. 

The Rest: Helga, Zim, Danny and Reptar. (Hey Arnold, Invader Zim, Danny Phantom and Rugrats! ): Note i’m not lumping these together because their bad: their all graet nostalgic picks from timeless shows and with the rugreboot currently running on Paramount+, it’d be weird not to represent them. 

And since I brought it up reptar is a fun chocie, another oddball but one more understandable as no one wants to beat the shit out of a toddler. Or rather no one playing the game would care you could because it’s a silly fighting game and a 12 and 8 year old are also beat upable, but someone would probably throw a fit somewhere. Plus again it’s a game where you can have danny phantom fight reptar. Shut up and take my money. 

The rest are all great choices if ones I’m not suprised by: Hey Arnold’s an all time classic and being tough is a lot of Helga’s character, and again I can have her throw hands with nigel thornberry, reptar and a ninja turtle in the same match. Zim is another fan faviorite and fits the game like a glove and Danny Phantom is the one out of Nick’s three suprehero classics it actually still cares about so my boy getting in there isn’t a shocker, though his attacks lookw eird. Hopefully they green them up before the final prduct. 

So yeah overall it looks really promsing and really fun and i’ll probably check this game out if I get enough money when it comes out or more likely put it on my christmas list. But I will get it somehow this i swear.. speaking of which put manny in the roster dammit. If you liked this.. thing consider joining my patreon for a buck a month fo exclsuvie reviews and ot help me review tuca and bertie, amphibia and more as part of my memebership drive. 

#nickelodeon #danny phantom #the wild thornberry's #spongebob squarepants #hey arnold #teenage mutant ninja turtles #ren and stimpy #the loud house #ahh! Real MOnsters #rugrats

[negans-lucille-tblr]

Happy 2️⃣ birthday 🎉 to your blog 🎂🥃.

So here's my terrible plot idea

Childhood friends Jared and Y/N get themselves into a sticky and heated situation. When they agree to be each others plus one for an ice skating gala hosted by their friend Jensen in the Yukon.

Title: Rehearse

Tags: fake dating, fluff, flirting, kissing

WC: ± 650

Terrible Twos Masterlist

“And how long have you two been together?” the woman of the couple Y/N and Jared sharing their table with asks, smiling politely at the two of them. 

“Oh urm,” Y/N stammers, looking across at Jared as she feels her cheeks heating up slightly. 

“Three years,” Jared answers smoothly. Y/N’s eyes widen a little at his lie. Truthfully, they’re not even together, they just agreed to be each other’s plus ones for Jensen’s event. It saved Jensen paying for two extra guests, and Y/N and Jared got on, so it made sense that they would go to the gala together. 

“Oh how lovely, still young,” the older woman gushes. Y/N forces a laugh and nods her head. “That’s why you both look so adorable together. Not had the chance to want to kill each other yet,” she smirks, before glancing across at her husband, who looks like he might’ve died there in that very chair with his eyes wide open. “Isn’t that right, Fred?” she prompts. “FRED!” She shouts louder, right next to him.

“Yes dear,” he agrees mindlessly. 

“He doesn’t even listen to me. You two have got all of that to look forward to,” she tells them. 

“I can’t wait.” Jared’s arm snakes around Y/N’s shoulders, and he pulls her in, kissing her temple. Y/N has no idea what Jared’s playing at, but it needs to stop. She can feel herself getting more and more flustered by the second. Truthfully, she’s been in love with the man for as long as she’s known him, and it was only in the last few months she truly accepted that things were never going to happen between them, so she’d been trying her best to move on. She was under the illusion that tonight they were going as friends, not pretending to be a couple going steady for three freaking years. 

“Jared, baby?” Y/N asks, her voice falsely sweet as she smiles at their company. 

“Yes, baby?” he replies, an heir of amusement in his tone. 

“Can you urm, come with me please? I need a word.” She stands up, grabbing Jared’s hand, and she all but drags him out of the large hall, and towards the hallway where all the restrooms are situated. 

“What’s up?” he presses. Y/N glances around, not wanting to make a scene at Jensen’s event, and finds a door, opening it to see a supply closet. She pulls Jared into it and closes the door. The space is far less spacious than it had looked on the outside, and Jared is awfully close. Fuck, is he really that much taller than her? “Everything okay, Y/N?” he asks. 

“No!” Y/N blurts out, suddenly remembering her issue. “Everything is not okay! Why did you tell that woman we were a couple?” she spits. 

Jared chuckles softly, “c’mon, it’ll be fun. Just roll with it for the night, nothing better to do. You know how boring these galas get.”

“Jared, it’s - you kissed me and -” Y/N is flustered, unable to tell Jared why she doesn’t want to do this without telling him she likes him in that way. 

“I’m sorry, do you not want me to kiss you?” he asks. 

And maybe it’s the champagne Y/N had been nervously sipping most of the night, but she has a sudden surge of confidence to say: “yes.” 

“Yes, you don’t want me to, or yes you do?” Jared presses, biting his bottom lip like he knows the answer. 

“Dammit Jared,” she mutters under her breath. She looks down to her shoes, but Jared lifts her face so he can see it again, and Y/N feels her cheeks heat up more than they had at the table. 

“If we’re gonna play a couple, maybe we should rehearse the part,” he whispers, before leaning down and kissing her. 

#terrible twos #nlt turns two #Jared Padalecki #jensen ackles #drabble #fluff #negans-lucille-tblr

[elsanna-shenanigans]

June Contest Submission #1: Hunker Down

Words: ca. 2,500 Setting: Modern AU Lemon: lime CW: language, angst, talk of sex

AN: This isn’t the full story, but the rest hasn’t been written yet.

—

What am I doing?

Anna stuck the six pack of craft beer in the rusty metal basket on the front of her bike.

You have no power, dummy. The house is gonna get hot, and she invited you. Maybe it won’t be so bad.

Anna sighed and looked up at the orange-gray sky. “So eerie,” she mumbled as she got on her bike and began peddling. Kind of ominous of how I think this is gonna go, she thought. How many years has it been since we’ve even talked?

An hour ago, during a particularly nasty bit of hurricane weather, she lost power at her house. No surprise there, really. She almost always lost power when it rained. And Anna didn’t like rain. Or, more appropriately, Anna didn’t like being alone during rain.

Just as she began texting friends to see whose place she could crash at, she received a text from her estranged older sister.

“Hey, it’s Elsa. I know it’s been a while, but if you need company during this storm, I’m at the house.”

Something inside tugged at Anna’s heartstrings. She wanted a relationship with Elsa. She wanted to have her sister back in her life. She wanted to talk about the fight that drove a wedge between them. So she texted back that she’d be over shortly.

As she biked towards her destination- her childhood home now occupied by her sister, Anna nodded at the few people out assessing their property. The eye of a hurricane was always an interesting time. The winds died down and the rain stopped, but experience told Anna that this storm wasn’t over yet. It was nowhere near over.

She easily crossed the road that separated her neighborhood from her sister’s. Funny, we live close, but we’re so far apart, she mused as a few drops of rain fell on her.

Shit.

She peddled faster, praying she’d make it before the heavens opened up again. Luckily, she spotted the familiar white house ahead.

Come on, come on, come on. Made it!

Anna braked in front of the black door with the brass knocker and waited. Should she let herself in? She had a key. Should she knock? Was she a guest or was it still her home too?

As Anna contemplated, the door opened, and she was shaken from her thoughts. Her older sister stood in the doorway in loungewear that fit her perfectly. Anna had always been a little jealous of Elsa’s figure. She was taller, leaner from years of running, and had slightly bigger boobs that Anna envied. Her white gold hair was voluminous, and her complexion was flawless. In short, Anna thought her sister was gorgeous. God, she looks the same as she did three years ago.

“Some things never change,” Elsa chuckled. “Still lost in that big, imaginative mind, huh?”

Anna chuckled nervously. “I wasn’t sure if I should just come in or not.” She got off her bike. “Can I bring this in?”

“Yeah, that’s fine,” Elsa responded and opened the door wider to let Anna in. She regarded her younger sister as she walked in. Anna looked healthy and well, if not a bit wet from the rain. Her bright yellow raincoat and black rain boots kept her mostly dry. 

“I brought beer,” Anna said as she kicked the stand on her bike and picked up the six pack from out of the basket. She held it up for Elsa to inspect. 

Elsa crinkled her nose. “I’m not much of a beer drinker.”

“More for me then,” Anna shrugged. Though it had been a few years since she last stepped foot in the house, muscle memory took over and she walked to the kitchen. “But you do like booze.”

Elsa followed her sister and peered over her shoulder at the wine she set out after Anna’s text confirmed she’d come over. Three wine bottles sat on the large island in the middle of the space.

Anna picked up a bottle of rosé. “You a wine mom now?”

Elsa lightly laughed. “I guess so. I never learned how to drink beer. I couldn’t stand the taste, but I like wine. Besides, what’s a hurrication without a little alcohol?”

“I’ll cheers to that,” Anna grinned. She handed Elsa the bottle and sat at the island. Taking her own bottle out of the cardboard pack, she attempted to twist the cap off. “Dammit,” she muttered.

“Need a bottle opener?” Elsa fished one out of a drawer and tossed it to Anna. Then she pulled a wine glass from a glass-paneled cabinet and placed it on the island.

Anna watched as Elsa uncorked the wine bottle and sniffed the cork. Then she poured a small bit into her glass and swirled it around before taking a dainty sip. Satisfied, she poured more.

Ever the classy one, Anna thought.

Elsa noticed Anna watching with a raised brow and blushed. “I took a class,” she explained. “Wine is a fascinating subject.“ 

“Hey, no judgment here,” Anna grinned. “It’s cool that you took a class. Maybe I could take a beer brewing class. I’m sure they have them around town. There’s so many local breweries now. I feel like I’m at one at least once a week with friends.”

Elsa hummed as she took a sip and looked out of the kitchen window. The rain was in full swing and she could see tree branches swaying violently in the wind.

Dammit, Anna. Don’t talk about your friends with your estranged sister.

“So, what el-” 

“I’m sorry.” 

Elsa laughed lightly. “You don’t need to be sorry, Anna. You have a life. Which is what I wanted to ask you about. What have you been up to lately?”

Anna took a swig of beer and set her bottle down. Her sister wasn’t going to like the answer.

“I’ve been working at a souvenir shop. It’s actually really fun too because we also do tarot and palm readings and fortune telling, and tourists are so stupid they believe what we say.” She chuckled and took another sip of beer. When she looked at her sister again, Elsa didn’t look amused. “What?”

Elsa blinked. “What?”

“What’s that face?” Anna crossed her arms. Here we go.

“I’m not making a face,” Elsa defended. Outside, lightning flashed and thunder rumbled, causing the house to shake.

“Yes, you are, Elsa. You’re making a snobby face, like my job isn’t good enough for you. We can’t all live in our parents’ house and have tons of money from our fancy museum job or whatever you’re doing these days.”

Anna’s tone was brusque, but she didn’t care. Things had been bad between them ever since the fight.

The fight was three years ago after Elsa walked in on Anna having sex with her at-the-time boyfriend/current-and-forever ex. It’d been Anna’s idea. There had been a big party, and her whole family had been dressed to the nines. A perfect night for something special. She had wanted to lose her virginity that night, and- despite it being with Hans- it had been pretty good. At least he knew how to eat a girl out. Well, not as good as the girls Anna had since been with, but he had been good enough for her first time.

But Elsa just had to walk into Anna’s room to ask her something about… she didn’t even remember what Elsa wanted. Elsa had frozen in place, staring at the two of them for what had seemed like 20 minutes, when it was actually only a few seconds. 

“Get out,” Anna had screamed. Thankfully, that had gotten Elsa to run out of the room, slamming the door behind her. 

The fight had taken place the next day after her parents had a chat with her about sex. She’d been mortified. She had been 18 after all, and she had consented. Her parents hadn’t cared and forbid her from seeing Hans again. Looking back, Anna didn’t mind that part. Hans had turned out to be a manipulative ass. At the time, however, she had been angry at Elsa. She’d called Elsa a prude and old-fashioned and said that no one would ever want to have sex with a pasty virgin. Elsa had called her trash and an embarrassment to the family.

In essence, they had hurt each other deeply that morning, and their relationship never recovered. They had gone their separate ways in life, only coming back together 8 months after that to say goodbye to their parents who had passed away in a car accident just outside of the city.

Remembering how Elsa had called her a whore that day, Anna grinned wickedly and stood up. Her puritan sister might as well know what else she did with her free time. “You’d really hate my favorite job though.”

Elsa opened and closed her mouth before sighing. “What job?”

“Camming,” Anna said. “That’s right, dear sister, your younger sister gets naked online for money. Sometimes I even have sex with my female roommate for my audience.”

“Anna-” Elsa’s eyes darted around the room, and she looked very uncomfortable, her face beet red.

“Still such a prude,” Anna shook her head as she grabbed the cardboard case that held her unfinished beers. “Jesus, Elsa. Get out from the rock you’ve been living under. Who knows, maybe you’ll even find someone to fuck.”

She turned to leave, deciding that taking her chances in the hurricane was better than staying here. When she got to the foyer, however, the lights went out. “Shit.” At least it’s still daytime. There’ll be some light outside to get home.

“Anna,” Elsa whimpered from somewhere behind her.

Anna took a deep breath and let it out. Without turning, she addressed her sister. “What?”

“I’m sorry. I… please don’t leave. There’s a hurricane,” Elsa sniffled.

Anna finally turned. In what little light was coming from the windows, she saw that Elsa had tears in her eyes. She immediately felt like a bitch for being so mean to Elsa. Elsa had always been the more sensitive and skittish of the sisters. Anna could remember times when touching Elsa would scare her so much that she jumped.

“Please. I want- no, I need you. To stay. Please,” Elsa said desperately. “I can’t lose you.”

“Elsa-”

“I know we haven’t talked in years, but you’re my fa-family, and I don’t want to l- lose you again.” Tears fell down Elsa’s face as she spoke. “I’m sorry I was jealous of Hans and told on you. I shouldn’t have done that, and I-” 

“Wait, what did you just say?” Anna’s brows knit together as she held onto a thought.

Elsa wiped her eyes. “I said I was sorry.”

“No, not that. You said you were jealous of Hans.”

“N-no. I didn’t.” Elsa’s voice was shaky, and her arms wrapped around her midsection, something Anna remembered her doing a lot during their childhood when Elsa was anxious or frightened. When Anna stepped forward, Elsa stepped back.

“Elsa.”

“I didn’t- I didn’t,” Elsa shut her eyes tightly, unable to continue. She was sure she was about to have a panic attack when two arms wrapped around her waist. 

Anna drew her into a hug and spoke softly, “Elsa, it’s okay. It’s okay to be jealous.”

Elsa’s body shook. “Not like this.”

“Like what?” Anna sounded so maternal in that moment that she could hardly believe that she was so cruel to her sister a few minutes ago.

“I can’t tell you. You… you’ll hate me, and I can’t lose you. I can’t,” Elsa cried, soaking Anna’s raincoat-clad shoulder. 

The cogs in Anna’s brain started turning as she realized what Elsa wasn’t saying. “Elsa, you were jealous of Hans… because he had sex with me?” 

Anna could feel Elsa shaking harder with that question, but she had to know. “Did you wish you could…?” 

Elsa tried to pull away, but Anna held tight.

“Elsa, tell me. Please.” 

She felt the slightest of nods and took that as confirmation. Her sister had told her parents about her and Hans because she was jealous that Hans got to have sex with Anna. Elsa was jealous of Hans because he got to have sex with Anna and she didn’t. Elsa wanted to have sex with Anna.

Not as creeped out by that as I could be.

While the thought was a little weird, Anna was more flattered than anything. And it made sense that Elsa had deflected during the fight. She had had a secret to keep- a secret that was, societally speaking, more morally wrong than having a whore for a sister. The more Anna thought about it, the more she was actually turned on by the fact that, of all the people in the world, Elsa wanted her. She contemplated her next move as she rubbed Elsa’s back. 

Elsa’s back still shook from crying, but she finally returned the hug. After a few minutes, Anna pulled back slightly and noticed that Elsa couldn’t look at her. She cupped her older sister’s cheeks tenderly. “Elsa, I won’t leave you, okay?”

“Why,” Elsa questioned. Her eyes begged Anna to tell her why she wouldn’t leave an incestuous monster. 

Anna stroked Elsa’s cheeks with her thumbs and smiled before closing her eyes, leaning in, and brushing her lips against Elsa’s. 

Elsa froze but didn’t back away. Her eyes were wide when Anna’s opened. 

“Because I think… maybe I want to have sex with you too.”

Elsa squeaked and finally withdrew herself from Anna. “No, you… you don’t want that.” 

“But what if I do? You want it, so why can’t I?” Anna’s eyebrows furrowed. Isn’t this what Elsa wanted? Isn’t this what could finally end their estrangement?

“It’s wrong, Anna,” Elsa said.

“I know it’s wrong, but… oh god, I’m… give me a minute.” Anna tried to search her feelings because, despite feeling right, this was new and she needed to talk through things. “I think I’ve always been attracted to you, Elsa. I just shrugged it off as envy. I mean, you’re gorgeous as hell and smart and fun to be around.” A skeptical look from her older sister had Anna backtracking a bit. “I know we had the fight; but, before that, you were fun to be around. And, now that I know why we had the fight, I understand. You were trying to protect me, Elsa. And I love that you’ve always been protective of me. I love you. As a sister and as maybe more. So, please, let me show you.”

For the next several minutes, they just looked at each other. Like the hurricane outside, there seemed to be a storm brewing behind Elsa’s eyes. Anna wasn’t sure if her impassioned speech would change anything, but she knew she was not leaving the house anymore. 

“I can’t lose you either, Elsa.”

Elsa seemed to stand a little straighter with Anna’s admission, and her eyes locked on Anna’s. She surged forward to pull Anna into a kiss that sent bolts of pleasure down to Anna’s core. Anna’s yellow raincoat was quickly removed as their tongues moved in harmonious synchronicity, and Elsa guided her up to her bedroom.

While the hurricane raged on, the two sisters gave into their desires, finding both themselves and each other. 

The next morning was silent and still. People began the process of cleaning up and assessing the damage. Crews were already starting to work on restoring power. News anchors interviewed street flood kayakers and business owners.

In the white house with the black door, Anna woke with a start. Her sister’s naked back was to her, and her hair cascaded onto the mattress. Remembering last night, Anna wiped the sleep from her eyes. 

What have we done?

#elsanna #submission #June 2021 contest #prompt: storm #lime #cw: angst

[legosi-and-louis-are-in-love]

What if Louis had went to Legosi for comfort tho...

Louis stood in front of a drab, rusted metal door. It looked so appropriately plain he couldn’t help but think to smile. His mouth didn’t receive the message, though.

The past few days had been hell for him, to say the least. He couldn’t get the faces in the crowd he had seen at the funeral out of his head. He did not recognize a single one of them aside from the butlers, and aside from them not a single one of those faces seemed to hold any grief. Was he doomed to follow in his father’s footsteps and die with no friends or loved ones? 

He recalled that this was the train of thought that brought him here, into this ancient rotting building his closest friend called home. He had never been inside but he knew where it was, and a quick inquiry at the desk had brought him to the appropriate room. It was late enough that he was sure the wolf was home, although no sounds emanated from the room to suggest this. 

He had fought the impulse at first. Legosi was busy training. He needed to focus if he was going to win this thing and live. Louis desperately didn’t want Legosi to rely on his other leg. Louis needed to give him space and keep the wolf’s head in the game. Even if it burned him to the core thinking about how quickly he had become attached to his long lost childhood friend who now gave him no time of day. 

This was probably the other thought that brought him here. He remembered last year when he derided Juno for being selfish, and she asked him why that was seen as a bad thing. That memory pushed the switch in his mind from ‘no’ to ‘yes’ when he asked himself if he could go see Legosi. He was selfish. He needed to be with someone else right now. 

He looked down at his emaciated form, holding his hands up and staring at them. His right hand clenched and moved forward. Slowly but surely, it inched toward the door until it made contact noiselessly. Why was he so nervous? If anything, Legosi always seemed to be the nervous one around him. He couldn’t even imagine what it must be like to talk to an animal you had eaten a part of. Was it torture for Legosi to be around him? Was this all a big mistake?

No. Louis was selfish. He knocked once, and a thud soon resounded from behind the door. What followed were sounds of scrambling and claws on wood and soft grumbles. His mouth finally caught the signal from before and formed a smile. 

The wolf that opened the door had very obviously just woken up. Legosi wore an old t-shirt that he either outgrew or had shrunk in the wash, exposing his soft, fuzzy stomach. Below he wore a simple pair of briefs. His expression turned from tired to tired-yet-surprised when he realized who was in front of him. 

“L-Louis-san? Uh...hi! This isn’t...well it’s not...you...” 

Louis simply crossed his arms and let the wolf try and figure out what he wanted to say. He was gesticulating frantically, a trademark of his. 

“...s-so you see, I wasn’t expecting company, so I don’t have anything to offer you or...” 

Louis decided he had let him suffer long enough. With a raise of his slender hand, he hushed the mutt up. “It’s fine. Can we talk?”

Legosi’s irises dilated slightly. “Sure!” He proceeded to not move. 

“...inside?”, Louis suggested. 

Defeated, Legosi’s ears wilted slightly. “Okay...” He turned around, and Louis noticed his tail wagging lightly. Legosi could have a good pokerface sometimes, but never a good pokerbutt. 

Louis commended himself silently for his little joke. 

As Legosi had said, the place was a bit of a mess. What little clothes in his possession laid haphazardly along the floor and across some furniture, as they had likely not been picked up when they had been stripped off the wolf’s body. A recently used futon lay in the corner, and immediately to Louis’s right was a stove, minifridge, and small cabinet. Aside from the small table in the center of the room, that’s all Legosi’s home consisted of. 

Louis walked over to the only zabuton by the table and sat upon it, leaving Legosi to stand awkwardly for a moment before he opened the cabinet in the “kitchen” area and pulled out a box of crackers and a paper plate.  “It’s fine, Legosi. I’m not hungry.” 

“Your stomach is growling.” Legosi looked at him with concern, and Louis attempted to cover up his body. 

A few seconds later, the gracious feast was placed on the table, and Legosi sat upon his bed, facing Louis. He looked expectantly at him. Louis grabbed a cracker and nibbled at it.

“So, what did you want to talk about, Louis-san?”

Louis placed the barely eaten cracker down. “Well, I just wanted to check in and see how the training is going.” 

Legosi’s ears twitched. “Oh! Well, I think it’s going well. Knowing Kyuu-san trained with Gouhin-san gives us a connection. I still don’t think I can hit her, though...”

Louis wanted to cover his ears and scream. Why did he have to ask that question? It was time to switch gears. “So, this dump, eh?” 

Legosi cocked his head, unprepared for the sudden subject change. “Well, it’s about the only place I can afford. I had to get rid of my cell phone to even afford it consistently...” 

“So that’s why you never asked for my number? We need an easier way to contact each other.” Louis felt lightheaded as he said this. He reached back for his unfinished cracker. 

Legosi stared for a moment. “So, you’ve thought about trying to become a Beastar with me?” 

Louis finished the cracker. “Sure. We should at least lay some groundwork, no?” “Well, there’s a landline in the lobby you can contact me with.”

“Alright, old man.”

Louis ate from the plate as the room entered silence. Legosi played with the covers beneath him as he very obviously tried not to stare at Louis’s prosthesis, which was showing from where his pant leg was being pulled up by his sitting position. 

“My dad died a week ago.” 

Both animals held a shocked expression. Louis covered his mouth and looked away. Legosi was on his hands and knees, but still kept his distance. 

“Wh-wh-wh-why didn’t you tell me? Are you okay? Do you need anything? Did you have the funeral already? How did it happen?”

The wolf’s endless questions turned into a buzz in Louis’s ears. He just stared blankly at him, feeling numb. 

It took a while before he realized Legosi had stopped talking. “It was a car accident. I had to arrange the funeral and pick up all his business dealings. I’m the CEO of Horns now.” He delivered the information in a monotone voice, trying to distance himself from it. 

“I-is that why you look so sick?” Legosi, blunt as always. 

“I suppose.” 

“You need help! Maybe a doctor! Is anybody helping you? You should have told me!” 

Louis stared back, noting how Legosi still positioned himself too far away to make contact. He noted his large hands lifting off the floor a few times, but they always found their way back to their original position. He recalled the first Adler performance when he had woken up in the nurse’s office. Weak and frail. Was that how Legosi was seeing him right now. 

The image in his mind shifted. Now they were atop a concrete slab outcropped from a bridge on a cold, winter night. Legosi bleeding heavily. The warm feeling in the deer’s eyes back then returned. The wolf in front of him blurred. 

Dammit, what was it about him that brought this disgusting feeling? 

Seeing the tears drop from the deer’s face caused Legosi’s arms to raise up farther, and he scootched forward on his knees slightly, but alas, he remained out of reach. Louis stayed planted on the zabuton, crying silently. 

“Wh-what should I do, Louis-san? Please, tell me what I should do!” Legosi sounded desperate now, and Louis equally so. 

“Wh-what can you do?”, he managed through the tears. 

“Yes!” 

Louis looked Legosi straight in the eyes, brows furrowing, teeth and fists clenched. 

“COMFORT ME, GODDAMMIT!” 

Pure surprise washed over Legosi’s face, and Louis buried his own in his hands. It was pointless. Legosi couldn’t be what Louis wanted. What he denied he craved. Every time he stared at his large, carnivore body, he disgustingly felt safety instead of danger. He had continuously tried to deny his affinity for carnivores. It was a spit in the face to the suffering he had endured as a child. At best, he should hold power over carnivores to assert his strength. Protection and affection were desires best left in his subconscious. He needed to leave. 

Fortunately, Louis found he couldn’t move. He opened his eyes and now found himself tucked snugly between Legosi’s legs. The wolf sat cross-legged on the futon, enveloping the deer as best he could with his limbs while also being conscious of his antlers. His cold nose pressed onto the sensitive spot where his neck met his shoulder, causing Louis to shiver and grip at the soft, gray fur of his best friend. 

The sobbing started. “I-I miss him, Legosi! I miss him so fucking much! I never thought I could miss him this much!” 

“I know, Louis-san! It’s okay, I have you! You’re okay!” 

Louis choked and gasped. It was amazing, the feeling of Legosi around him. It was something he had unconsciously been desiring ever since that night he and the Shishigumi had found Legosi snooping around in the Black Market. He now understood why he had let that hug go uninterrupted for more than a few seconds. He wouldn’t make the same mistake pf pushing him away this time. 

Even if he tried, it would have been fruitless. The wolf had a firm grip on him. If he had been prey, he would have been dead. Louis dragged his snot-filled nose across Legosi’s neck, making pitiful noises. Only Legosi could see this side of him. Just as he had on New Year’s. It was only appropriate. 

The light-headedness returned, and Louis saw stars. His arms turned cold as he felt himself go limp. 

~       

Louis awoke to the sound of a tea kettle whistling. His head was propped up a bit more than it should have been. The blanket covering him was soft and smelled bad. He looked to his left, and saw Legosi at his oven, pouring hot water into a cup. He perked up when he saw Louis.

“Oh, thank goodness! You’re awake! Here, I have some tea!” 

Louis tried to sit up but found he was unable to. Legosi noticed this and went to his side, crouching down and holding the cup down. 

Louis stared down at it, feeling the steam on his nose. “I-it’s too hot, Legosi.” 

Legosi whined softly and sat down, holding the tiny cup humorously with both of his huge hands. “I got this tea from Sebun-san. She’s my neighbor. She’s taught me a lot about adult living.” 

Louis laid his head back as Legosi anxiously rambled. He was well aware of the burden he had placed on the wolf now. But he was selfish, so he tried not to care. The warmth of being held so close returned to his mind. It hadn’t just been a dream. A wall in their relationship crumbled. 

“I’ll try that tea now, Legosi.” 

“Oh, y-yeah! Sorry.” 

The tea tasted bitter, unsurprisingly. Louis never was a fan. He drank down the whole cup, letting the warmth run through him. Not as warm as Legosi had been, sadly. 

“You should rest here for the night.” Legosi stood up and went back to the kitchen area, cleaning up. Louis’s eyes followed him, and he noted the rest of the room had been tidied up as well. He felt his heart suddenly hammer in his chest. 

“What about you?” 

Legosi looked back at his guest. “I can stay at my neighbor Zaguān’s place. He lives a floor above me. It’ll be fine.” 

The warmth granted from the tea left Louis’s body. “Legosi.” 

He turned to face Louis fully, looking attentive and concerned. “Yes?”

Louis swallowed, and a shaky arm pulled the covers down as he moved his body toward the wall. “Sleep next to me.” 

Legosi’s face immediately went flush. “A-ah I-I don’t know if that’s such a good idea!” He was trying to repair the wall they had just worked so hard destroying.

But it was a good thing Louis had accepted the selfish side of himself now. He sat up, willing his eyes to convey all the pleading and want he now felt. He armed his tongue and teeth with a potent weapon. The target: an adorably clueless wolf. 

“Please!”

Payload delivered, Legosi stood there speechless. Louis could have sworn he saw tears, but whatever had been there was quickly blinked away. He slowly lumbered over, hands playing with themselves nervously. He towered over the prone deer, mouthing inaudible words. 

Louis looked up at him, smiling weakly. “Please...comfort me...” 

Legosi dropped to his knees, and he slowly slipped under the covers. Louis felt giddy as the heat radiating off of him made contact with his personal space. He had been so alone the past week. He needed someone. He needed Legosi. He needed the most important animal in his life next to him. 

Legosi laid on his side facing him, and Louis turned to do the same. He often forgot just how much bigger this wolf was compared to him, but from that position it was undeniable. He reached down and grabbed one of Legosi’s hands, kneading it with his own. The wolf audibly gulped, sweat forming on his forehead. 

“Hey...relax.” Louis still couldn’t believe Legosi could so reliably look pathetic in situations where he held complete control and power. “You’re not gonna eat me again, right?”

Legosi cleared his throat loudly. “I-it’s not that...” 

“Then what is it?”

Legosi untangled his hand and folded his arms. “Well...remember what we talked about in the hospital?”

Louis tried to recall. “How you defend herbivores mostly because you’re in love with them? Yes, I remember.” He smiled at the absurdity of it all. 

“Well...I mean...you’re an herbivore...and I’m feeling...feeling...” 

Now it was Louis’s turn to turn red. He never thought of himself as an herbivore, or rather, he tried not to. But now that he realized it...

Feeling rather bold, Louis lobbied a question: “So, what? You don’t love me, too?” 

The riskiness of the question was worth it just to hear the high pitched squeak that escaped the wolf’s mouth. 

Louis moved closer to him, unable to control his body now. “After all we’ve been through. Even after saying you want to become Beastar with me and change society to our ideals...you don’t love me?” 

Legosi was now blabbering nonsense, still crossing his arms. Louis scowled and reached for them, trying to pry them apart. Eventually, they untangled and Louis inserted himself into them. 

“Well, Legosi...”, Louis squirmed, as if his body was fighting the vulnerability it was instinctively showing now. “I can’t think of anybody else I love more than you...” 

It was such an obvious statement, but Louis was still shocked that it had left his lips. 

Legosi’s strange nonspeak stopped, and Louis could very clearly feel his heart hammering against his ribcage. The arms around him started to hold him with purpose, and his long legs curled forward, catching Louis’s as they entwined. 

“L-Louis-san...” 

“Yes?”

“I...I do...” 

“...what?”

“...love you.”

Not a noise could be heard for a few moments, aside from the cars outside and the pitter pat of rain against the window. Someone downstairs closed a door a bit too loudly. 

Louis chuckled. “I love you, Legosi.”

Legosi’s own soft laughter joined the deer’s. “I love you, Louis!”

“I love you, Legosi!”

“I love you, Louis! I love you!”

“I love you!” 

The nonsensical back and forth went on for longer than it probably should have, and eventually the enthusiasm and energy in their declarations faltered. Nevertheless, they continued to mumble those same words to each other as they fell asleep embracing each other. 

#ok this is a lot longer than i expected #i just really wanted to write something with them at this point in the story #because Louis just can't stop pining for Legosi it seems #beastars

[wetookanoath]

AU where “my buddies pranked me when I went skinny dipping and they stole my clothes and I only have a towel but you thought I was a robber and you told me to put my hands up but I dropped the towel and I don’t know if you’ll shoot me or taser me if I try to pick it up and you can’t see because I’m behind a tree but you’re telling me to step out wtf do I do”

“Oh dear lord, you are naked!”

The surprise in the man’s voice was almost offensive. Ryan swallowed, feeling his body tremble. Dammit, he hadn’t noticed before, when he had his clothes and his dignity as he and his friends made their way to the dock of the lake.

He should had known better, looking back at their stupid Uno game. Ryan should had known Dany and the boys were gonna pull one on him once they chose his punishment for loosing the world’s longest Uno game in history.

“You are jumping naked into the lake!” Dany had declared, and that was the moment Ryan should had say no, he should had realized what the real plan was.

It was the most common joke in the universe, something he himself had done to Dany back in college, and now he was naked, balls frozen, wet and certainly catching a cold, with his arms up because someone had caught him traspassing private property.

“Where you…? What? What where you trying to do all naked in the middle of the night?” The guy asked, slowly walking towards Shane with his taser and light up. “Do you always robb balls out?”

“I’m not– I’m not thief, for the last fucking time!” Ryan yelled, desperation so clear in his voice it would be embarrassing if his ass wasn’t bare. “Can I just… please, let me pick my towell!”

The guy moved his hand, indicating just that to Ryan who immediatelly took the towell and put it back around his waist as best he could. Dany had chosen to leave him with the smallest one, the bastard, and Ryan hadn’t feel so inclining to murder in his entire life.

Just let him find those idiots again…

“Shane!” He heard a woman yell, Ryan looked up at the cabin he had tried to walk to for help. “It’s everything alright?”

“I think!” The guy answered. Shane. Ryan swallowed and took a good look at his profile– he had glasses and messy hair, a beard and flannel. Like a hipster version of a fucking lumberjack. “God back inside, I’ll be there in a moment!”

He gave a step back, ready to fucking run into the other direction before the man could tase him or something– but Shane looked at him, slowly lowered his taser and walked towards him until Ryan could see his face.

“You look like the typical college jock whose friends left in the lake without clothes.” Shane declared, his words falling on Ryan like cold water. Again. “You need a phone? Maybe a sweater? Pants? All of the above?”

“All of the avobe would be nice, sir.”

Shane chuckled, shaking his head as he stepped in a few inches closer. Ryan looked at that face– the tin of his pink lips, the frekles on his cheeks and the beauty marks on him, his lashes were pretty, his eyes shone in a way he had never seen before.

He looked like the kind of guy who wouldn’t even kill a fly.

Which… didn’t gave him the best of ideas after having seen Psycho with the guys. Hipster lumpberjack has a cabin in the woods and appears with a taser in the middle of the night? No, thank you.

“Come on, let’s get inside so you can get some warmth.” Shane suggested, moving aside to let him walk with him. “Sara made some cocoa, you can have some.”

Sara. Must be the girl that talked to him earlier.

“Th-thanks!”

**

Sara was, in fact, the woman who had spoke to Shane before. She was a tiny girl with big hair that talked gently and hide her laughther for Ryan’s situation when she heard what had happened. The rest of the girls in the cabin couldn’t, though.

In fact, the place was filled with girls, huge signs and party ornaments let Ryan know he had interrumpted a Bachelorette party and the jokes about his nakedness and someone calling in a stripper for the lesbian wedding actually made him laugh once he was dressed and warm in Shane’s big ass clothes.

The girls let him stay when his friends didn’t answer their phones, Ryan supposed they may as well be scared shitless at the fact that they couldn’t find him in the lake after their stupid prank.

Which… good. They deserved the fear of having to tell his mother they had lost their son.

“No offense,” Ryan said as he saw Shane puring him a drink once his cocoa was out, “but why are you in the bachelorette party? You are, like, the only guy… aside from me.”

“Oh, I am the stripper.” He answered simply, Ryan’s eyes opened wide as his mouth but before he could say anything, Shane started to laugh, passing the glass to him.

His eyes had turned into half moons in a way that made him look younger and bright, Ryan thought it endearing. This man that almost tased him, that had acted as if Ryan’s dong wasn’t showing in the middle of the woods, was actually just some kind and sweet nerd.

“No, no. I’m sorry– Bad joke.” Shane said, sighing before looking at Ryan once he had put his elbows on the bar at the kitchen. “I’m Sara’s Best Man, and also this is my cabin.”

“It’s yours?” Ryan asked, then took a sip of the drink. Shane nodded his head. “That’s cool. You live out here in the woods?”

“No… not really.” He said. “I spend some time here, do some work, then go back to the city!”

“Oh,” He blinked a couple of times, “What… what do you do?”

Shane looked at him, his eyes never leaving Ryan’s. His stare was neutral but something in the depth of his eyes had Ryan feeling naked all over again. It was as if Shane knew him since forever and could see through him, know all his screts with just one look.

He swallowed, Shane smiled at him and held his own chin in one hand.

“I study wild life. Write some essays and books about them. Do some videos for YouTube… and some ASMR, also for YouTube.”

“Oh.” Ryan moved his head to one side. “Really?”

“Yep!” Shane answered, moving to make himself a drink. “What about you? Still in college? Or are your friends just stuck in college?”

“Oh, I think we brought back some ghosts this weekend. Holy shit…” Ryan said, taking another sip of his drink as Shane laughed and finished preparing his. “No, I’m a video producer, I’m working for… you know, the Try Guys?”

“Sure, of course.” Shane said, looking at Ryan with complete interest. “You work with them?”

“Yeah…” Ryan answered, swallowing. Shane seemed genuinely impressed. “A friend and I, we– we’ve been seeing some people and stuff. To open our own company.”

“Oh!” Shane held his drink between them. “Cheers for you guys! That’s amazing!”

Laughter erupted in the living room where the girls had started a game of Never Have I Ever between them. Ryan smiled at the sight, slowly looking back at Shane who was still watching them, a sweet smile on his face made him look like  proud big brother seeing his sister getting married.

For the interactions he’ve seen tonight, Shane and Sara were close, and so were Shane and Kelsey, her future wife. It was a nice picture, these ladies having fun, and they had the luck to witness it with good drinks.

Shane looked back at him, showing his drink again before they clicked glasses together and drank at the same time. 

This was… really nice.

**

“It’s late.” Shane announced, looking at his clock on his wirst.

Ryan nodded and looked at the cabin’s phone, ready to try again and call his friends, but Shane put a hand on his shoulder before he could go.

“Why don’t you stay?” Shane asked. “It really is late, going out to the woods right now doesn’t sound like the best of ideas.” 

“Uh,” Ryan blinked a couple of times, then looked at where the girls were getting ready for the night.

For what Shane had told him, he could just take the guest room as they were staying in the living room, like a sleepover from childhood. He could also take Shane’s bed.

He swallowd, but nodded.

**

Dany almost cried on the phone when Ryan called to let him know he was staying with his rescuers. After the milliont I’m Sorry, Ryan finally got to calm him down, telling him it was fine, they would talk the next day.

By the time his friend asked him if the hipster lumberjack was hot with that tone that indicates he’s being called a horny bitch, Ryan hang up the phone with warmth cheeks.

Shane smiled at him from the living room and, holy shit– 

Yeah. Yeah, the hipster lumberjack that makes ASMR was hot.

**

The lights were off in the living room but they could still hear some of the girls’ giggling, Kelsey telling them out loud to shut up and let them sleep since tomorrow they will all have hangovers the size of Idris Elba’s biceps (more laughter came after). 

Ryan followed Shane into the hallway that lead to the rooms, and sighed when they stopped between two doors that were one in front of the other.

“So, here’s the guests room.” Shane showed him the one on the left, then signaled the one door in front of them between the rooms. “Bathroom.” Ryan nodded, then followed his finger to the next door. “And this is my room.”

“Uh, okay–”

“Where I’m going to change into my, what did you called me?” Shane said, Ryan frowned and started to feel his cheeks warmth yet again, “Hipster lumberjack? Well, I’m gonna change into my hipster lumberjack pajamas… and then in five minutes, you can come in and take them off.”

Ryan stared at him for a few seconds, but Shane only winked at him with a wicked smile before getting into his room, leaving the door slightly open.

He heard a giggle in the livin room and Ryan blinked, finally, processing what Shane had said, what he was inviting him to and– it had been a while, to be honest. This was a nice guy he just met in the weirdest of ways, and… 

“To hell with it.” He decides, opening the door of Shane’s room.

All they could probably hear in the livin room was Shane’s laugh as Ryan entered and closed the door behind him.

#shyan #skeptic believer #buzzfeed unclean #but not really #let-the-whump-commence #nini got mail #may fuck around and wrote more of this and put it on ao3 #what do you guys think? #mine #my drabbles #my fanfics #fanfictions #otp: we took an oath #au #a very naked ryan has appeared!

[hookedonapirate]

Follow My Lead

Teaser 3

T1 I T2

Rated: M

I don’t know what the hell I was thinking when I agreed to this. I can’t be with Elisa and pretend my feelings for her aren’t real. When I’m around her, I’m intoxicated. By her scent, her smile, her laugh. And she’s so beautiful, my heart aches whenever I look at her. When I can’t be by her. My heart aches when I’m holding her in my arms trying to pretend like she doesn’t mean the world to me. Like I’m not completely in love with her. 

I thought I'd been in love before I met Elisa, but love has never felt like this. It’s never consumed my body and soul, it’s never clamped around my heart so tightly that even the jaws of life couldn’t free it. 

So why I told her I would pretend to date her is beyond me. I don’t want to pretend, and I certainly don’t wish to be used as a tool to scorn my roommate who has his head up his ass, who’s too blind to see the true beauty that’s been in front of him since childhood. 

This is a terrible idea. And yet I didn’t have the heart to tell her no. I didn't have the heart to disappoint her. And honestly, I'd do anything for her. Maybe that’s unhealthy, but I don’t care. I’d do anything to make her happy. So here I am in her bed, naked and thoroughly sated, my legs entangled with hers, one of her arms slung around my stomach and the sheet draped haphazardly over us. I’m not even sure where the comforter went. The curtains are drawn and the room is dim; I’m not even sure what time it is, and when I look over to check, there’s no alarm clock on the nightstand. 

I shift my head around to see her sleeping peacefully, breathing softly against my chest. I don't want to move her, but I really have to pee, so I carefully lift her hand and gently slip out from underneath her head, moving the pillow so it’s supportively positioned under her head. I slowly sneak out of bed and turn around, hoping I didn’t disturb her. She doesn’t wake though, only stirs a little, gripping and snuggling the pillow. My heart swells like a balloon. I wish I were still the one she was snuggling. 

I find the comforter on the floor and pick it up, pulling it over her lovely, naked form. Leaning over the bed, I plant a kiss on her temple and watch her sleep for a moment longer before I have to tear myself away and trudge out of her room. 

As I’m in the bathroom trying to empty my bladder, which is difficult to do when I'm so hard again, I close my eyes, still able to feel her hands all over me, still able to hear her moan as my name tumbles from her pretty lips. Thinking about amazing, earth shattering sex with Elisa isn’t the best idea when I have to pee though because I’m even harder now. I try to calm myself, taking deep breaths through my nose. It doesn’t work though, not quickly enough anyway. So I leave the bathroom and walk into the kitchen to give myself some time to simmer down. I open the cupboard and grab a glass, filling it with water from the refrigerator dispenser. Which isn’t the best idea considering my bladder is already full. Just hearing the water pour into the glass only heightens my urgency to pee. But the water isn’t for me, it’s for Elisa when she wakes. 

Dammit, I really need to stop thinking about her if I’m going to be able to soften my wood and relieve my bladder. I set the glass on the counter and leave the kitchen, picking up my jacket from the floor. I grin at the trail of clothes leading to the bedroom. Once we crossed the threshold of her apartment, neither of us could wait to tear off each other’s clothes. My shirt had made it to the bedroom floor at least, but that’s it. I had her completely naked against the wall in the hallway, eating her out before we even made it to the room. 

Fuck. Not helping with my situation.

I sigh and I dig out my phone to check my messages. Only a text from Mason about work. I respond and thankfully it takes my mind out of the gutter, if only briefly, and when I return to the bathroom, I’m finally able to relieve my bladder. 

After I’m done, I flush the toilet and replace the seat after reminding myself I’m not in my apartment where I live with another dude, where it’s more convenient to leave the seat up.

I wash my hands with Hazel and Elisa's Japanese Cherry Blossom scented soap and head to the kitchen again to retrieve the glass of water for Elisa. But before I get halfway there, the front door swings open, inviting a brisk winter chill that sweeps inside the apartment. I grind to a halt.

“Elisa, what the hell? Why are your clothes all over the-”

Hazel lifts her eyes from the clothes strewn across the floor and falls on me as I stand just outside the hallway entrance in nothing but my boxers. “Oh,” she squeaks, her eyes moving up and down my body. 

I’m grateful I’m no longer sporting an erection. “Hi, Hazel,” I say with an awkward wave, a chill running down my spine. 

A smirk curves her lips as she shuts the door. “Hi, Derrick. I didn’t realize Elisa was having company over.” She tosses her purse and keys on the end table by the door and removes her jacket, storing it in the closet.

I’m not sure what to do. Should I take cover and flee to the bedroom or continue to the kitchen for Elisa’s water and chat with Hazel, acting like everything is completely normal?

Before I can decide, or even move an inch, a pair of delicate, warm arms are wrapping around my stomach from behind me, a familiar scent of sweet perfume is invading my sense of smell and a pliable pair of lips are on my neck, leaving soft kisses.

“There you are, Der Bear. I'm getting hungry. Wanna order some takeout?”

“Der Bear, huh?” Hazel teases, amusement laced in her words as she crosses her arms over her chest. 

Elisa snaps her head up at her roommate’s voice and pulls away. “Oh, Hi, Hazel. I didn’t realize you’d be home so soon.”

#follow my lead #derrick and elisa #original fiction #hannah writes #my book #teaser

[thepausedsforzando]

III. The Paused Sforzando

Part I. The End To The Remaining Effort

*******Introduction*******

   It’s been 5 years. 5 years and a month just about. This post looks weird in public because it’s first one. It’s also marked as III. On October 8th, 2019 I nuked my entire Tumblr. Actually, I nuked all 3: hunkee, digitalclothingofhunkee and thepsychologyofdarthvader. That was a heavy day. This series has been shotty and inconsistent, in that gaps have become bigger and the details have lessened. This could likely be due to the feedback and problems I’ve had with people in my posts when I would talk about personal things that were not only private for me but for them. Primarily, these inconsistencies and gaps are because I’ve slowly descended into more of a void of a human being than I ever thought I could be when my life was right. January 6th, 2016. That’s where we last left off. “We” now means, and has always meant, current Matthew, as well as the one who will be reading this. If any Where are we now? Corny, I know, but you wanted to type it.

   I have always dreamed of having a Tumblr where I had literally 0 holdbacks. If it was disturbing or could easily be misunderstood, I’d post it anyway. But coming from a Christian background where the Christian homeschool choirs I was in had its dark pockets of judgement, it, or more than just it, made me severely self-conscious. But that is tied deeper to why I care about what others think, and how their attention makes or breaks me as a human being. But I’m getting head of myself. On purpose.

   hunkee, and it’s other 2 sisters were that of restriction. No more. So many have lost touched, forgotten and abandoned me, so who fucking cares now. I may still care. I’m showing it right now, but I’ll contradict that.

   One thing I will hold back on is the private information of loved ones who never got a voice to choose whether or not to have their private lives posted here. I am transparent and honest to an extreme, and it’s gotten me in trouble more than I ever thought or wanted to. Therefore, what you will be seeing is the second draft, edited to filter out private events out of love and/or respect to those who didn’t get a voice. They will be edited with summaries and I may even redact names or change said names. Those people deserve it. And I should have known back then. But you can’t know everything. I could have learned faster, but respect is being shown nonetheless.

   Alot has happened from January 6th, 2016 to February 5th, 2021. What I choose to be here will be here, and other installments will follow. Where we last left off was- well before I say it, let me show you the progression:

- 2009: The end of my childhood and innocence - 2010: a solid year of happiness in the first chapter of adulthood - 2011: not bad - 2012: The beginning of the dark renaissance; the start of it all - 2013: The Darkness: The darkest point, the breakdown, the intervention and the beginning of me stopping any care and any effort. Laziness became my life. - 2014: The Void: Through trying with little effort, the numbness grew - 2015: I literally forgot most of 2015. The Void at its highest - 2016: The End: The year that I gave up, after 5 years of trying through abandonment. - 2017: Committing to my abandonment. - 2018: Rebirth: The slow growth of the tiniest voice within me. - 2019: Pause #1: Amber - 2020: ugh: - 2021: ugh:

Let’s just begin.

             **************

   As per usual, let’s recap from the 16th. My name is Matthew. I’m 24 and a half years old. I work at Patsco Windshield Repair and had for about a month. I have been living back at my parents now for 2 years and about 4 months. I’d been single for 1 year and 2 months. I still had my Roth IRA and likely got rid of my savings account due to poor management of my money. I had suppressed my love for Amber again, and it wouldn’t be the last time. I was emotionally void after raging and depressing for years. My life had no meaning, nor did I really have many friends or any social interactions. I had a car. I can’t remember what bills I dealt with, but it was likely phone, insurance, health insurance and idk.

   Life at Patsco was pretty lame. I would drive to the corner of a parking lot on a busy road, hold up a sign for a while and repair people’s windshields. Calling insurance companies and cleaning headlights. Great for a high schooler; pathetic that I was there in life at 24. The pay was $12/hr. I forgot if the hours were good. But the best thing that happened then was I read Dante Alighieri’s Inferno. I fell in love with that book. Standing on the grass next to cars at the red light of whatever intersection I was assigned that day. Immersed in the world and loving the darkness. I found beauty in dark things and gravitated towards hateful content. Who would have figured.

   Patsco didn’t last very long. Maybe I got fired, I think I did. My memory has deteriorated so much over the past x amount of years. As has my attention span. And effort. Anyway, it usually takes me 1-3 months to find work, and on April whenever, I became a delivery driver for Jimmy John’s. Yet again, a low end, dead end job. I lasted just about 2 years. I asked Asia to let me stay long enough to make it an even two years, but she couldn’t stand me and it didn’t go that long.

   Amber had either come back or was always there. For private reasons, someone in her life had jealously forbade me to come over and witness the birth of her first child. That didn't fucking happen with her second. I was there. More on that later.

   Remembering 2015, 2016 and 2017 is hard. I'm having to pull up my resume, previous entries of this series and go back to where I was then. By the time Jimmy John’s rolled around, I’d been back home for over 2 and a half years. Being numb and unmotivated, I was also an asshole to live with. I treated my mother horribly. There is much to get into about what I have learned about her over the years and why we clash, but I always handled it wrong and I still do. Too lazy to confront her. She saw me at my worst. Whatever I could do out loud, she mostly saw and had to be the victim of it. She didn’t deserve it.

   What I write about tends to focus on home, mom and dad, work, cars and not much else. I’ve neglected to mention Eva but once. I feel bad that in a forgetful and numb phase, I forgot when I met Eva. I met her on MeetMe, a social app for meeting people that too many guys used as a dating site. It was really, really pathetic. But I was open to meeting a significant other too I bet. There goes the hypocrisy. Take note. I just didn’t advertise it and let whatever unfolded, unfold.  Before I mention Eva, what happened on MeetMe is notable. I just didn’t advertise it and I'd let whatever unfolded unfold. This is where I was at: I met someone who lived across the road from me named Evie. I put what I wanted onto her and god fucking dammit I was creepy. We were barely just talking and I was gushing over her. She was pretty and I wanted to be with someone.

   My obsession with women had always been a tame problem that sprouted when it got to be intense. In 2011, when the neglect started, my creepiness, lack of social interactions and desire to have a girlfriend got weirder. Every girl that was remotely attractive, or not even that attractive was ‘so right for me’ and I’d pursue. Ashley, Andrea, Christa, Amy. I can’t even remember them all. It was every. fucking. woman. that came to Josh's and I's house. Someone I hadn’t been vibing with or talking to in the first place. That’s the key, you get to know someone and if they move that way WITH you, then it’s something. I always bash guys for pursuing if THEY want it, whether they’ve talked to them much or not. In my own way, I did that. I just didn’t assert myself as hard because in this context, it would have been awkward.

   Evie casually told me where she worked. We were barely acquaintances and had never met or even had each others’ numbers. And when I saw she was getting off work one night, I bought her the candy she said she loved and walked over to her in front of the store at night, basically a total stranger, and gave her the Reese’s after clarifying who I was. She was extremely quiet. I bet she didn’t eat those candies because she thought the psycho who I guess you could say stalked her poisoned them and is going to kidnap her. Fuck me that was stupid. But that’s where I was at. My desire got stronger and more obsessive over these 4 years. This might have happened in 2015. Either way, I was doing things that were not Matthew. Using a woman for sex, stalking one, and Naomi....Poor Naomi.

   We were talking as friends. She was beautiful. I wanted someone. She did NOT want to find a significant other. When she was reaching out for someone to talk to, it was a friend to confide in. And she made that clear. I lowkey pursued her romantically. We’d meet down the street of her house and park in a parking lot close by. We’d talk deeply, about her hard life. And I would be there for her. Once I told her my intentions, we stopped talking. She was upset, and had every right to be. When I was pursuing Amber 3 years prior, I was putting her newborn to sleep and said ‘can you say “daddy?”’...............................it’s hard for me to bring that up because as wrong as it was and I probably knew at the time, now I can’t....I can’t even explain the awkwardness and shame I feel for saying that. Like I devolved from already clingy/kinda obsessive/maybe on occasion creepy to.....that. To a newborn whose mother....I can’t remember if she liked me at that time. I think she did. ReGARDLESS.

   The last time I wasn’t like this was Ana. in late 2011/early2012. I was never perfect as I’ve said like 3 times with regards to my intense emotions towards girlfriends. Hell, I wasn’t bad at all to Nicole. But this loneliness, that was a combination of my fault and other things that made me do things I regret. I had my first one night stand years ago. Attaining friends was through the screen of my phone. I couldn’t make friends. I lost my ability to be social. I became more socially awkward. Pursuing women wasn’t successful, and my desire had gone out of control.

   Here I am, miles away from the original point: Eva. She was a female and I was looking for a relationship. Desiring love, affection and to get fucking laid. It came in the form of many creepy endeavors. I wasn’t as terrible with Eva. I liked her because I liked every female that came in contact with me. So it wasn’t even genuine when I told her. But we got past that. Wasn’t trying to get in her pants or anything heinous. But as that small phase passed, for the first time in years, I gained a friend. I made a new friend........it’s not that it’s hard, but was for me. I can’t think of the last time I made a new friend. But I hit the jackpot. No one is more loyal than Eva.

   She was an actual friend. She listened to me. I listened to her. We cared for each other. She invited me to her house and to outings with her friends. She cared about me. Someone finally did. It was nothing to her. Like it should be nothing to anyone else: you have friends and you spend time with them. But it was the universe and all its stars to me. I made a big deal out of it for reasons you already know. She was the true friend I needed, but got so late. I felt included, I felt cared about and I felt wanted. I think she’d even text me first! That doesn’t exist anymore! She became a bright spot, but it didn’t change what was coming.

   I got mad at Jimmy John’s. Aggressive driving, maybe dealing with the occasional dick ‘cause I was in an upper middle class (some would say rich) area of town. Having been void for so long, I felt I was at a dead end. I think I was friends with Eva by then. I had only been at Jimmy John’s for a month, not even. 2 days before Mother’s Day was when it finally happened.

   Despite the angel that had come into my life, I was still lazy and numb, but I feel I was more angry at this point. Regardless, on May 6th, 2016, I officially gave up. From neglect to anger to depression to laziness, it had all culminated to this. It came in waves: neglect, anger, depression, suicidal ideation, hopelessness, self-attack, breakdown, intervention, self-abandonment, extreme sloth, numbness beyond the realm of textual representation, sick of my state, denying help, anger and then release. Release of it all. When I say ‘I gave up’, that seems so small in text, but defined ‘the rest of my life’. This had been culminating for 4 years and I finally just gave up. Career? never. Healthy diet? never. Friends? They already all left me so nothing’s gonna change ‘cause it hasn’t. Love? either I said I can’t ‘cause of my mental state or idk. Being happy? it hasn’t been possible.

    I adopted a new phrase: Until death. It kept repeating in my head. I had a new set of goals and motivation in my life. My goal was to avoid being happy. It was to never seek love or really get anything serious, idk. My goal was never to get a better paying job, but get enough just to live on my own. Push everyone away, not get lied to by people’s flakiness. Be in a shitty apartment and watch my 30′s, 40′s, 50′s and maybe even 60′s alone. Eat junk food and clog my arteries as no one cares and everyone has forgotten me. What’s the use. I tried. I FUCKING TRIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I couldn’t do it. After 4 years, I was alone, I had no social life, I couldn’t score a woman and I was too creepy to even get close to the first step, I had eaten junk food most of my life and it was affecting my mental and physical health, I couldn’t hold a job, I couldn’t advance because I couldn’t stay long enough, my mental health was blocking my success rate before I started telling people it was blocking my success rate, I was at odds with my parents, Missy was in Chicago, no matter what I did I just couldn’t progress. It wasn’t worth it. I just let it go. My life and my desire to be happy. And that was a commitment. Hard as it would be for my family to have to endure that, I didn’t do it for them. And they didn’t have to suffer. But they did.

   Missy graduated the year we're talking about now. To preface that, the whole family had vacationed to New Orleans sometime.....2014? idk, but my mental state and circumstances had made me a recluse. My family was outgoing, talking with Uber drivers and the person kind enough to let us use their house instead of a hotel. They experienced New Orleans and were having fun. But not me. I was not fully there. I was withholding myself from participating. I was quiet. if you knew me when I was myself, I was the opposite of quiet and shy. But the darkness had just become me. I was barely participating, sitting away from people and not saying a word, focusing on rooting my phone and occasionally talking about it, not talking to humans outside of my family and not speaking with a sad, distant, vacant expression.

    I learned something through my silence. Usually, if there were family problems, I’d be overly involved and not able to think straight ‘cause I’m thinking of all the perspectives and dividing my attention up multifold. I wasn’t like this in New Orleans. When I said nothing, I got to listen more; I got to see what I hadn’t seen all this time. Or at least what I didn’t bring into focus all my life. And that was more true sides of my family through their interactions. The fighting over nothing and people from different perspectives. The escalations and how my family just doesn’t understand each other. If anyone else is reading this but me, you can learn more than you can possibly imagine when you say little to nothing, sit back and let the conversation you normally are involved in happen in front of you. Don’t interact, just let it happen. Watch what you don’t pick up. Our compassion is valid; we can also get carried away and not notice what’s fully going on right in front of our faces.

    Much changed from that much as I used to. Optimism is ideal in moderation, as is everything else. My father was so aperspective shift. I learned more about where we are as a family and I didn’t brush it under the rug as ngry that my standout silence and being a weird, burdensome stick in the mud of a family vacation was affecting everyone and our time together. Not to mention my sister moved out...........2013? I forget. She had been in Chicago so we don’t see her everyday. Things had changed. I had moved back, but for a small amount of time, mom and dad had the place to themselves. That part of your kids growing up and leaving. He confronted me angrily and I learned something else by what he said. You would think he would say something based on how I’ve prefaced this, but instead what uttered from is angry face was:

“Do you have any idea how much money I’ve spent?!”

    Sometimes, maybe many times, the way you say something or the first thing you say reflects where your focus is at. I disagree this is always the case. But in that moment, I believe as a man whose life revolved around providing for his family for 20 years, became focused on that primarily. The man can love. The man loves him family incomprehensibly. Never doubt that. But I learned not only of his perspective but how men (traditionally and mostly) make their life’s purpose of providing....larger than love, communication and interaction. All of that is still there in my father at this point, but when it wasn’t, I learned why.

    Back to the point, Missy was graduating. I had been at Jimmy John’s a bit and even though New Orleans was a while ago, I only got worse for vacations. And going to Chicago was..........terrible. My sister had always been a social butterfly and extravertive. Our personalities were now white and black. I didn’t know how to talk to people. I didn’t know how to socialize. I didn’t want to. I’d been burned so much that I forgot how to be a human being, and also tried not to be. The silence and seclusion as people were in my sister’s living room, talking, was bizarre. People would kindly ask me about me and raise small talk and I don’t remember how much I’d say if I said anything. I think I’d straight up ignore people. It was extremely awkward. I was introvertive, shy, quiet, ignoring and reserved like I was an extreme trauma victim or a mute (no offence meant to either an victim of a crippling trauma or mutes). My sister was in love and trying with this man that turned out to be an asshole. But at the time, my sister was showing me her life and a very important man in her life and I was just letting it pass me by. Was it as simple as just getting over it? Faking it and putting on a face? That, is the opposite of who I am, and I couldn’t just shake this off. I was alone for 4 years and upset about it. It changed me so much that you don’t just pull out of that. Who Matthew IS. PERIOD. at this point. IS. too far gone from who he really is and so deeply warped and shaped by his depression that who he IS is hopeless and functionless.

    Her boyfriend got me a present. I practically said nothing. I watched my sister graduate. I don’t remember it. This is trauma. This has affected my caring, my memory and my attention span. I’m not myself or a functioning human. PSA: it is possible to get out of the habit of many things you don’t think you could get out of the habit of. Like social interaction, how to talk to people, react to things. It wasn’t the darkest point, but such a troublesome time. I was 99.9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999% darkness and 00.0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001% myself. There has always been a voice inside that never wanted this. That disagreed with the (verbal) self harm I’d convince myself. After a while, if you tell yourself the same thing, whether it’s good or destructive, you’ll believe it. You’ll trick you mind. Same thing with your environment. You become affected and accustomed to your environment to some extent. When you don’t realize it.

But this was never me. Me just got smaller. The darkness took over. The darkness was my Caretaker, which leads me to...

[midnightartemis]

Chapters: 32/? Fandom: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy Rating: Explicit Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Finn/Rose Tico, Poe Dameron/Rey, Poe Dameron/Finn, Poe Dameron/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren Characters: Rey (Star Wars), Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Ben Solo, Finn (Star Wars), Poe Dameron, Rose Tico, Leia Organa, Han Solo, Luke Skywalker, Maz Kanata, Larma D'Acy, Amilyn Holdo, Snoke (Star Wars), Boba Fett, Bossk (Star Wars), Armitage Hux, Chewbacca (Star Wars) Additional Tags: Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Abuse, Drug Use, Suicide Attempt, Star-crossed, Dreams, Alternate Universe - High School, High School, School Dances, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Foster Care, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Near Death Experiences, Multiverse, Reincarnation, Attempted Sexual Assault, Assault, Graphic Description, Teenage Drama, Horny Teenagers, Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Past Drug Use, Drug Dealing

Chapter Three

Tuesday goes by without incident, though Latin will kill me. Rose is more than happy to walk me to my classes, chatting happily about her own, and I’m happy for the company for once. Poe and Finn are in my P.E. class and they’re so competitive. Rose tells me it’s okay to take them down a notch if I can. I’m athletic, but usually never got the chance to stay in a place long enough to participate in anything.

Wednesday rolls around and Rose is buzzing about Friday as we eat lunch. My eyes search for Ben, but I can’t find him anymore. “What’s Friday?”

“Oh, my god. I completely forgot to add you to the group chat.” Rose palms her face and gets out her phone. I sheepishly hand her my half-broken iPhone but she doesn’t bat an eye. “Poe, Finn, and I are having a little get together to celebrate the start of the school year. Please, come. I know you have to ask Maz.”

I’d never been invited to a party before. “I would love that. I’ll ask her tonight.”

I hope Maz said yes. Things were going smoothly there.

Rose and I left lunch early so that we could walk together to class. Rose liked to show up early to vocal class to help set up and I was more than happy to have a few minutes alone, even if it met sitting in awkward silence with him.

I open the classroom door and he’s there sitting where he was Monday. I take my seat across from him and pull out my headphones to listen to music for a bit. I scroll for a while and settle on The Lumineers’ Ophelia album. It takes a lot for me to not dance and hum along, so I pull out my drawing notebook and start in on practicing drawing 3D shapes.

I feel his eyes on me and I look up, realizing that I’ve been bobbing along to the music. He looks away and I think there’s a hint of a smile on his face. I flush. What is it with him? He didn’t look like a hardcore drug dealer, not like the ones I’ve seen. He looked quiet and lonely. Soft. Dammit, Rey.

He looks up again and sees me watching him. He scowls, his mood instantly souring. I look away sheepishly.

“Sorry.”

“Did they get to you, too?”

“What?” My heart races at his voice. My eyes meet his and they’re looking over me intensely.

“The golden trio.” His voice is low, angry.

Poe, Finn, and Rose? I frown. “I-”

Before I can say anymore, the door opens and Mrs. Tico walks in, cheerful as ever. “Hi, Rey! Ben!”

“Hi, Mrs. Tico.” I smile back, but inside my stomach is rolling with anxiety. What did he mean ‘ get to me?’ Rose had made it pretty clear what happened and I doubted Poe just hated Ben for shits and giggles. I look back at him and he’s concentrating on his notebook as if nothing had happened. I scowl and go back to my own work.

“How was school, hun?” Maz picks me up in her bug after school to take me to therapy.

“Good.” I smile. “I have a mountain of homework already, but everyone is really nice.”

“Good, good.” We drive without talking, just listening to the radio quietly. My stomach turns as I think about the party. I cross my fingers and ask.

“Maz?”

“Yeah?” she glances at me.

“I was wondering- well… Rose and Poe and Finn were getting together Friday night and they invited me. And I was wondering if I can go?” I bite my lip and look at her hopefully.

Maz smiles. “Ah… the infamous Dameron Back to School get-together.”

My eyes widen. “Oh. Oh. I didn’t realize it was a party-party. Nevermind.”

“No, Rey. Go! Have fun. Enjoy your friends. Just no drinking or drugs. I’m here to keep you safe and healthy, not ruin your high school experience.” Her eyes sparkle, but there’s a seriousness to them. “11:30 PM. At the latest. Okay?”

I nod, trying to hide my excitement. “11:30. Got it.”

We pull into a parking lot of a small brick office building downtown and Maz walks me in. We go to the second floor where there’s a small waiting room. It’s very zen with comfy chairs, light incense, peaceful art, and meditation music in the background. There are two doors, both closed. Maz and I sit and wait until the door on the left opens. A man walks out and he’s got a wide, open face covered in a grey beard and eyes that radiate kindness and knowing. I instantly feel at ease when he smiles. “Rey?”

I nod and stand. He walks over and sticks out his hand and I shake it. “I’m Luke Skywalker. Let’s go in and have Maz fill out some paperwork and then we will get started on your introductory session.”

Did everyone in this town know Maz? We fill out the usual paperwork in Luke’s office. It’s just as zen as outside. There’s a Buddha sitting on a bookshelf perfectly curated with books on mental health and well being. A fountain trickles gently in the corner. Everything is in order, at balance.

“I’ll be waiting in the lobby.” Maz signs the last paper and leaves us. I take a seat on the couch and Luke sits in the chair across from me.

“So, Rey,” he says with a small sigh. “I’m guessing this isn’t your first time in therapy?”

I laugh a little. “No.”

“Well, I have a few questions that we can discuss, but first, I just want to give you a little overview of what our plan is if you choose to move forward. I like to do a little one-on-one session before placing you in a group. I run a few groups, and it’s all just about trying to place you in the right one where I think you have the best chance of learning and listening to your peers and sharing your own stories. Sounds good?”

I nod.

“So, tell me about yourself, Rey. Your childhood, things you like to do… Anything you’d like in whatever way you want to tell me.”

“Well…” I take a deep breath. The story in my head is one that’s carefully rehearsed, told over and over. “My parents abandoned me when I was six. I was found by some workers abandoned in the Jakku city dump. And they couldn’t find my parents, so I got placed into the system. I jumped around a lot as a kid. No one really wanted me. And then when I got older, I got tired of the abuse and the neglect, so I started gathering evidence on my fosters and getting their licenses revoked. But that just met that I jumped around even more. I’ve just kinda learned how to survive and take care of myself.”

“That sounds hard and exhausting.”

I nod and sigh. “Yeah.”

“What about now? You’ve only been at Maz’s a few days, from my understanding. How’s that going?”

“Good. I think.” I reply. Luke says nothing, waiting for me to fill the silence. “It’s a lot to process. Everything changed so quickly and she’s unlike any foster I’ve ever stayed with. It’s… It’s almost like it's too good to be true… And, I guess I’m worried that it will be. Or I’ll fuck up and it will all be taken from me.”

“Do you think you deserve a good foster home?”

I can’t meet his eyes. Tears prickle at my own. “No.”

“Why not?” Dang, this guy is good.

“I’m not anyone special… There are a lot more kids out there who are a lot more deserving.”

“So… What I’m hearing is that you spent the last few years catching abusers in the system… But you’re not deserving of a good home?” He raises his eyebrow at me. I see his point, but I still can’t reconcile myself with it. “You sound pretty special to me, Rey.”

“I’m not anyone special.” I shrug. “I just didn’t want other people to go through what I have.”

“Do you feel that’s your duty? To save other people?”

I mull over his question and nod slowly.

“There aren’t many people out there who would put others before their own personal wellbeing and safety. What things do you like doing for yourself?”

“I like listening to music… And working with my hands.”

Luke smiles. “Good. Those are really good ways to take care of yourself.”

“They help me a lot when I need a break from the outside world. It can be really… Overwhelming.”

“Tell me about that.” Luke nudges me in that direction gently.

“Well, I don’t know. It’s like… I can get really overwhelmed in crowds. If there’s a lot of noise or people or things going on. It gets hard to think and concentrate.”

“Like at school?”

I nod.

“Is there anywhere you go to get away from the noise and let yourself relax for a bit?”

“Usually after lunch, I go to the art room because there’s no one there before class usually.” Not no one. Might as well be no one though.

“Good. It’s important to create room for yourself and thoughts and to listen to yourself.” Luke smiles. “Tell me about school. Are you enjoying your classes so far?”

“Yeah. Principal Organa was really happy with my interest in science and math. She put me in physics, and pre-calc, and small engines and I really like all three so far. It just makes sense to me. More than English or Latin or Social Studies. Though, I don’t mind Social Studies either. And psychology is interesting, too.”

“Very interesting.”

I laugh. “Right, I’m talking to a psychology master.”

“I have a group on Thursdays after school. It’s some of your age group dealing with some similar things as you. Is that something you would be interested in?”

“Yeah. Sure.”

“I’ll have you start next Thursday so I can let them know that the group is expanding a little. How does that sound?”

“‘Good.”

Luke nods and stands. “I’m afraid that’s all we have time for today. It was great to meet you, Rey.”

I stand and let him lead me out of the room.

#reylo #reylo fanfic #rey x ben #star wars #high school au

[rawiswhore]

Triple H x Fem Reader- “One Caress”

I've said this once, and I've said it again...December really is the most wonderful time of the year.

Not just because December is the month of Christmas, but Triple H shaved his facial hair he had in the summer of 1998, and you love Trips when he doesn't have facial hair.

That's not all, Shawn Michaels has made a brief little return to the WWF, Billy Gunn's hair has grown longer, and the Hardy Boyz get to wrestle in the company this month, how awesome is that?

Granted, Shawn did make a return to the WWF in the summer of 1998, looking hotter and sexier than ever before, though in December of that year, so many hot men are in the WWF that month.

Throughout 1998, there were many WWF stars who blew up in popularity, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Triple H, Sable and even you in general are examples, and another pro wrestler who is finally starting to go over that year is Kane.

Granted, Kane debuted his iconic brother of the Undertaker character whose face was burned during his childhood at the end of 1997, but keyword, that was at the end of the year.

Kane really blew up in 1998, and much like the Undertaker, one of Kane's signature moves is a "chokehold", where he grasps someone's neck in his hand and even lifts you up from the ground.

Nowadays, women would be all like "Choke me, Daddy!" to Kane.

And guess what?

In December of 1998, Kane even did that to you, where he grabbed onto your neck and lifted you up in the ring's mat, your feet and legs were kicking, looking like a kid about to be spanked.

You could've easily hurricanrana'd him where you wrap your legs around his neck and flip him over, but he's so much bigger than you are and you'd probably end up breaking a body part like your neck if you did that, and it's the Attitude era, which did have a few empowering storylines towards women (i.e. Sable wanting to get away from Johnny Mero's controlling ways), but this was the bikini contest/bra and panties/evening gown match era, where women were usually damsels in distress.

Besides, you're not even that strong either.

Despite Kane grabbing onto your neck, Triple H ran into the ring and saved the day, rescuing Kane from ever hurting you, though Kane could easily kick Triple H's ass.

Triple H threatened Kane not to hurt you, he cares deeply about you, but Kane doesn't care.

Although, Kane is just playing a character, he's not really an evil, demonic psychopath he plays in the ring, and he didn't even really hurt you that much when he grabbed your neck.

When the show was over, you were lying in a bed in a hotel room with Triple H, and instead of you lying on top of him, he was lying right next to you, laying on his stomach on the mattress.

He'd love to lay on top of you, but he's so much bigger and heavier than you are, he's afraid he might crush you.

You were tired that night, and while Kane didn't really hurt you, though...

Triple H remembers how you used to comfort him and gush about his body parts (and you aren't just talking about his penis).

He lifted his hand from the bed and placed the pads of his fingers on your neck, where he gently caressed and slid the pads of his fingers down your neck, where Kane's fingers were gripping your neck.

"Are you alright?" Triple H asked you. "I'm not hurting you or anything?"

"I’m fine!" you answered and confessed.”You’re not hurting me!”

Thank God, he thought.

The touch of his fingers stroking down your neck felt so good, perfect after Kane gripped on your neck.

"You have such a beautiful, slender, feminine neck" Triple H purred and complemented, his voice sounding gentle and soothing as his strokes of his fingers "I don't want anyone to break that gorgeous neck of yours"

Even though Triple H played a horny, immature fratboy who motions at his crotch and tells people to "suck it", he's a hopeless romantic deep down inside when he isn't playing an obnoxious cad on television (or even sometimes backstage).

You're even surprised he uses words like "slender" and "feminine" at you, wonder if he's taking his smooth talking and romantic quotes from Jacques from "The Simpsons" where he tries seducing Marge at a bowling alley?

You smiled hearing Triple H say those words to you, he really cares about you.

"Awwwww, thanks!" you said, smiling to him.

"You're welcome" he replied, smiling back at you, his voice husky but smooth.

"You sound like me at the beginning of this year when I was gushing over how big your neck and muscles are" you said. "Complete with caressing my neck"

That's probably where he got his idea to caress your neck and say those things to you.

"As a matter of fact, I do!" he said matter of factly, like he knows what he's doing.

He even nodded his head a bit when he said that and smiled.

You smiled right back at him, you looking like you're giggling at him.

The pads of his fingers weren't just sliding down your neck, but also the middle of your neck, where his gentle strokes and caresses made your arms feel these little tingles.

He really wants you to feel good, and you could use this after Kane grabbed onto your neck.

You're reclining your head on a pillow, the rest of your body, specifically the back of your body, resting and lying on a mattress.

"Nobody ever hurts my baby" he said, lifting one of his hands and pointing his index finger at yours.

He would never say anything like that on live television in the ring, though he wanted to say that to Kane or anyone else who tries to hurt you.

"If anyone else ever tries to hurt you, I'll fuck them up!" he threatened.

"Kane didn't really hurt me" you confessed "He's just playing a character"

"I know" Trips admitted. "I'm just saying, I'm looking after you"

Triple H really cares about you.

When you had a drug and alcohol addiction, back when Triple H was known as Hunter, he told you if you got off of drugs, he'd marry you, and he saved your life.

You did get off of drugs and alcohol just for him, though he hasn't proposed to you yet.

His knees crawled up a bit more towards you, his face and head getting closer to you.

He leaned his face into your face, and instead of kissing your lips, he nudged his nose into yours, although his nose was nudging against the right side of your nose.

He then began to brush his nose back and forth against yours, giving you what they call an "eskimo kiss".

You could feel his nose nudging into yours, and you made your head move back and forth, your nose nudging on his, "eskimo kissing" his nose back.

He suddenly paused, lifting his face up and away from yours.

Since tonight, he sounds and is acting somewhat like you were, you rolled your body over and toppled over him, he now lying on his back on the mattress.

This took him by surprise, he chuckled slightly when you rolled over and toppled over him.

"Sorry" you apologized "I hope you didn't mind me rolling on top of you"

"No, I don't" he confessed.

You have reasons why you rolled on top of him, though dammit, you could've done this while he was snuggling next to you and even slightly on top of you.

You lifted your hands from the mattress and placed them on his jawline, where your hands caressed and roamed on his face.

"I'm so happy you've shaved" you confessed, saying this while you caressed his face. "Your face is now so smooth and hairless, just the way I like it"

"Thanks!" he replied, smiling at you.

"You're welcome" you replied, smiling at him back.

"I regret that the Undertaker or even Kane didn't have a moment where they 'chokeheld' me back at the beginning of this year" you confessed "Or even in July of this year".

"Why?" he asked.

"You looked so hot at the beginning of this year" you explained. "And you could've comforted and caressed my neck after the Undertaker or Kane chokeheld me, during this same time I used to gush about your muscles and long blond hair and your thick neck"

He nodded his head, understanding you.

And you caressing his face brings him back to the beginning of 1998, when you squeezed his muscles and kissed his neck.

Speaking of necks, he leaned his face into your slender neck, his nose nudging into the middle of your neck, where his nose slid down your neck.

You felt his nose slide down your neck, his nose tickling your neck.

Yeah, people make fun of him for his big nose, but you love his iconic, signature big nose.

He pulled his face away from your neck, he slightly panicking.

"Are you okay?" he asked. "I'm not hurting your neck or anything?"

"No, you're fine!" you confessed. "If I was hurting, I'd say it!"

Indeed.

He leaned his face back in your neck, continuing to slide his nose down your neck.

When the tip of his nose reached the bottom of your neck, he lifted it to the right side of your neck, where Kane gripped his fingers, and slid it down your neck.

You didn't mind this at all, though you prefer his finger tips doing that to your neck instead of his nose.

Since Triple H has such beautiful, golden blond hair, you moved one of your hands behind his head and squeezed it between the back of his head and the mattress, where you ran your fingers down and through his long golden locks.

His hair is so long, smooth and silky, perfect for you to run your fingers down and through.

His nose slid down anywhere where Kane grabbed your neck, he was trying to comfort you.

Since you used to kiss on Trips' thick, wide neck at the beginning of this year and gush over his neck, his lips nudged into your neck, where he brushed and slid his lips down the middle of your neck instead of his nose.

He even let his breath out on your neck while he did this since Kane "hurt" your neck.

This feels so good, tingles are running down your spine and the hair on your arms is standing up.

"Ohhhhh, yeaaahhhhh!" you moaned, your head leaning back and your face looking like you're having an orgasm.

He could ask you if he's hurting you, but you aren't crying out in pain, and you sound like you're enjoying this, so...

Plus, Kane didn't hurt you that much.

When he reached the bottom of your neck, he moved his lips over to the left side of your neck, brushing and sliding his lips down your neck, releasing his breath out of his mouth.

His lips slid down the right side of your neck as well, anywhere where Kane grasped your neck.

He didn't just slide his lips down your neck, but also kissed your neck a few times as well, burying his face in your neck, kissing your neck like it was your lips.

Before the two of you drifted off to sleep, he should've threatened and shouted that if anyone ever tries to hurt you, he'll fuck that person up, that's how much he cares about you.

He doesn't care about you so much he'd abuse and control you like Stone Cold Steve Austin did to Debra in the early 2000's, but he does love you very much.

Throughout your relationship with Triple H, he never hurt you, never tried controlling you, what you wear, or gave you any rules.

He's a wonderful lover.

#triple h #1998 #90s #wwf #attitude era #fanfiction

[breadcaaat]

part four

Jeongguk x hybrid!reader

| part one | part two | part three | part four | part five

Words: 3.5k

Genre: action, fluff, eventual smut if i’m brave enough??

Warnings: nudity (again,) blood!!, violence, foul language

“You what, kid? You have three jobs already. Take this and you won’t have any time for sleeping, eating… anything not-working. Seriously, what’s up?”

Jeongguk fidgeted, “I, I need the money.”

Yoongi spat his cigarette butt onto the pavement and crushed it with one hard bootheel, wondering out loud what the hell he’s spending all his money on with a growl. Hookers? Cocaine? Clothes? Food? Probably food. Jeongguk doesn’t have a bad bone in his body. 

He wiped at his lips and thought about it. It’d be nice to have him around, and it’d be good to keep an eye on him. He could also force the kid (not that he wasn’t more than four years older, cough) to take a nap every once in a while, pay him some bonuses so he gets out of that nasty convenience store. 

Thing was, he was already at full staff except for a few shifts, and those weren’t ones he wanted the kid working. Gloss may be a barbershop by day - and a good one, dammit - but at night it served as a tattoo parlor, which was, frankly, illegal since he wasn’t a “licensed medical practitioner.” Those were the times he had shifts open. 

He sighed and glanced over at Jeongguk. Yoongi had met him about a year ago when the kid had walked in one day with a too-shaggy bowl cut asking to borrow a pair of scissors. He’d lent them, curious as to what Jeongguk would do, until the kid walked outside and tried to cut his bangs so he could see properly for work. No mirror. Kitchen scissors. Yoongi had just about had an aneurysm. He’d snatched away the scissors, dragged Jeongguk inside, and made him sit through a proper haircut. The kid had complained the whole time, too, trying to sneak away when he wasn’t looking and moaning about not being able to afford these things, to which Yoongi had sat him back down with a glare and continued each time.

“I’m not charging you jack shit. Sit down. Next time your hair gets like this come back here but for God’s sake don’t take a pair of kitchen scissors to it again.”

Since then, Jeongguk had dropped by every so often - delivering breakfast, finishing the odd task here and there, light drinking on his days off. He was endearing. Sweet. Hard-working. Undeserving of all the shit this city had put him through but hey, those were the motions.

“When are you free?”

Jeongguk visibly deflated in relief. “Saturday, Tuesday, and Friday night, and then all day Sunday.”

“Is Sunday your day off normally?”

Jeongguk puckered his lips, not wanting to say yes but physically incapable of telling a lie. Yoongi huffed.

“Jesus, okay. Keep Sunday. Come in on the other three an hour after the shift before it ends, I don’t really care. Does blood make you squeamish?”

“How often is there blood to see in a barbershop?”

“You know what the night shifts are, Jeongguk.”

“Oh. Oh! The tattoo thing?” Yoongi nodded, and he continued. “No, doesn’t bother me.” Yoongi squinted at him until he broke. “Not that much,” he corrected. 

“Good. Start whenever, and I’ll officially employ you.”

“... No interview?”

“Do you want to be interviewed?”

“Not particularly.”

“Then congrats,” he patted Jeongguk on the back as he passed him to head back inside Gloss, “ - you’ve got the job.” The bells jingled behind him as he exited that conversation, shaking his head. God, he really was worried about him. It’s not like Yoongi was particularly good at remembering to take care of himself - there’ve been plenty of times he’s accidentally not slept for a couple days or forgotten a few meals. It’s just different with Jungkook, because, well, it’s Jungkook. Yoongi can piss on the temple that’s his body all he wants because it’s his, but Jungkook needs to take care of himself. He’s got an ambiguous future full of possibilities ahead of him, and he’s still growing.

“I’m forcing him to take a nap when he comes in,” he mumbles to himself, sliding behind the front desk to check when his next appointment is.

“I want a new name.”

Jeongguk and Stripes were both lounging that night on opposite sides of the bed, Jeongguk exhausted after two long shifts at the breakfast place and the moving company and Stripes restless from staying inside all day since she didn’t have clothes of her own. Jeongguk was going to try and get some hand-me-downs from Miyun, he just needed a proper excuse to not sound like a weirdo. Until then, she was stuck here in her boredom.

He shuffled, turning on his side to look at her. “Why?”

“I don’t like mine. I want a new one.”

“Well,” he scratched at the side of his nose. “What do you want your name to be?”

She paused, tracing the leather in her hands. When she’d discovered the collar that Jeongguk had salvaged on his kitchen table, she’d been admittedly surprised. Since then she’d been holding and thinking about it, reflecting on her past experiences with it.

Her thumb brushed across the tag, a small brass plate bolted into the front of the collar. On it, it had her name, breed, label as a cagedog, and seller.

“Stripes”

CAGEDOG

Tiger - 牧羊犬

Stripes. She hadn’t realized how much she hated being called that until she was looking at the letters, tracing their place on the shackle that’d kept her a slave for the past three years. Her brushing paused. Stripes was a shackle too.

He grunted questioningly, and she sighed, chucking the collar away somewhere near the balcony. “I’m not sure. Just… not Stripes. Only bad people have called me that.”

He nodded, grabbing his phone from the bed stand.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“Looking up one of those baby-naming sites. Let’s start by nationality and go from there, yeah?”

She smiled faintly, scooting over a bit. They weren’t exactly comfortable enough with each other to touch in any sense.

“Alright,” he mumbled. “Any, uh, letter you want?”

She shook her head.

“Let’s just browse, I guess.” So, they did, moving through the alphabet and reading the odd one off here and there. It was probably the most comfortable they’d been with each other since meeting (he hadn’t completely forgotten the restaurant but figured that her saving his life was proper moral retribution) though by no means was it chummy. Just… not anxious.

It’s a start, they thought. Seemed the last week was full of new beginnings.

His scrolling thumb paused, and he tapped at a name thoughtfully. “... What about Y/N?”

Y/N. 

Her tail thumped against the duvet and she smiled a bit. Y/N. That name felt like home. “You like that?” he asked. She nodded, then yawned and turned over onto her stomach. He plugged the phone back in and set it aside.

“Alright. Goodnight Y/N.”

She didn't answer verbally, but gingerly let her tail brush his belly like a thankful pat on the shoulder. She's a lot sweeter than she looks, he thought, and fell asleep.

Despite all the exhaustion taking care of another human being cost him, Jeongguk was happy to see changes in Y/N’s attitude and appearance. They were still a little skittish around each other - hell, the way they’d met was so fucking strange in retrospect - but there were moments where things were almost domestic. Little things. Like the way he woke up more often than not with a tail brushing his waist or a finger twisted in the strings of his hoodies. The manner in which whenever he made or brought home food she gravitated towards it with the end of her nose twitching and gleaming eyes. Like how after baths, she’d sidle up to him and stare until he got the message and blow-dried her hair for her, which was both strange and weirdly cute. Her voice had also polished up, and she could speak normally without the no-speak husk to it. These were good days, of course; on others she’d stay on the other side of the room, or escape to the roof, or hide in the bath for a while, speaking very little. More and more good days happened the longer she stayed.

It was as if once she deemed him not-a-threat, all the hostility faded away. He was able to see it now - the bloody, ruthless, tiger-girl act - for what it had been: a survival tactic. She filled him in here and there on how her world had been, and it sounded like it had been honestly horrible.

“Past three years ago, I don’t remember anything.”

“Wait - none of your childhood? All gone?”

“All gone. My life just kind of started up then, and I was living… living a lucid dream. In and out, here and there. This lab, that owner. They groomed me and turned me into something pretty, then sold me to nasty people as a pet.”

“A pet?”

“Mhm. They kept trying to train me - yeah, I see you know what I mean - but I was so angry, it was all I knew. I hurt one of them really bad and got sold off again, a year in, to a cagedogger society. There I was passed around by wealthy cagedoggers until the trade in the ramen shop, when I escaped. I’m the first I’ve ever known to do it. Those men were the poorest and sloppiest of the bunch.”

Hearing all this helped him understand her and her world better, bit by bit, and also offered some surprising closure to the trauma he’d been subjected to in the ramen shop. Has he completely forgotten it? No. Does he not get queasy at the sight of blood anymore? Also no. But it’s so much easier to cope with seeing people die when they’re villains.

Beyond all this, he also found that she had different needs and attitudes decidedly inhuman. Example: the scratching. Two weeks in, Jeongguk had woken up one night to hear her claws picking at the carpet as she stretched, and had woken up to see it all stringy and ruined. He’d scolded her lightly - not really knowing if they were close enough for him to really scold her without her taking off - until she’d explained that she needed to. Stretching, grooming, scent-marking. All very inhuman traits that put him in a bit of a daze. Minutes after, they were meandering over to a pet shop to buy scratch posts. Scratch posts.

There was other stuff, too; the nesting, where she’d pile up used clothes and blankets onto their bed until she deemed it perfect. The midnight walks were a thing too. She’d clamber out the balcony and into the alley to disappear for an hour or two, rejoining him later after a new change of clothes.

Then, at three weeks: play-hunting. It’d scared the shit out of him the first time she’d popped up behind him, tackled him to the ground, and nipped at his ear with a little growl, but he was at a point now where he’d developed a sharp ear for his 6 o’clock. Now when he felt the hairs on the back of his neck prickle he’d whip around and catch her as she pounced. All she needed was a good wrestle here and there to not go stir-crazy, which he was fine with. The general sense of cultural modesty and personal space-bubble he’d grown up with was quickly broken down the more they lived together; bed, couch, kitchen, bathroom. Nudity didn’t bother him so much anymore, which was a surprising development, especially since she was a woman.

There were downsides to living together, though. He’s fucking exhausted. All the time. A few days ago he’d quit his night job at the convenience store and replaced all those shifts at Gloss, helping Yoongi with the shop. He had the suspicion that his hyung was paying him more than the other staff at his level, but he was too tired to complain for the sake of his pride and work ethic. He’d take what he could get. Plus, it was easy work. Keep the place clean, set up some gear, hand him some tools as he worked. There was the whole illegal aspect of it, but honestly - tattoo shops weren’t a major concern for the police force and so Gloss was left alone.

Right now, that’s where he was: sitting on a stool next to Yoongi as he prepared to tattoo matching symbols on a giggly couple, the two girls high on the thrill of doing something outside their parents’ say. Yoongi didn’t seem either irritated or amused; he was impassive, quiet, and growly. Whatever he was feeling, it was completely up to those around him to interpret. It made Jungkook sleepy.

“Antiseptic.” Yoongi set his hand out, and Jeongguk handed a cotton pad of it over. Having watched Yoongi’s process a couple times in the last week and a half, he no longer got nauseous over it. It was actually really interesting. Yoongi would speak up every so often to explain what he was doing, the instinct to pass on what he knew to his younger friend impossible to overcome at times.

Yoongi tossed the pad away into the trash can, quietly double-checking with the girl on the table that the design stencil was what she wanted. Jeongguk prepared to pass him the trimmers as the girl replied with a near breathless Yeah, it’s perfect. Cue a shy little kiss between her and her girlfriend, which made Jeongguk smile a little.

Yoongi trimmed away the body hair where the tattoo would go quickly and efficiently, having practiced this so many times. (Jeongguk had learned that the first tattoo Yoongi ever did was when he was fourteen. Fourteen.)

“Review,” Yoongi drawled in a voice only for Jeongguk to hear, and he ducked down to whisper an answer back.

“Antiseptic to disinfect so she doesn’t get an infection and shave to clear space. And so it heals right.”

“Good.”

Jeongguk preened, sitting back straight.

Next, the stencil. The girls both seemed to hold their breath as Yoongi applied it, and giggled as it was revealed. That made Yoongi smile, faintly; he liked seeing that there were little pieces of the world still naive and innocent as they should be. He hoped these girls lasted despite the knowledge that they’d probably have the typical couple’s dopamine drop in a few months and book it in opposite directions.

The rest of the process was a bit harder to learn and Jeongguk hadn’t quite gotten it nailed down yet, but basically Yoongi would rub in an ointment to help with the process and then begin tattooing, starting with the stencil outline and moving on to color when that was finished. Then there were little finesses to the technique that couldn’t be outlined in a manual, only watched.

So Jeongguk watched.

Here and there he’d pass Yoongi a tool or take a sip of coffee. Twenty minutes passed of this, with the girls cuddling, Yoongi buzzing away, and Jeongguk watching the whole thing.

This is so much better than the convenience store. A headache twinged to life behind his eyebrows and he rubbed at it. Not as good as a full night’s sleep though.

The walk home that night felt exactly like the one when he fell in the river - so exhausted he felt like he was dragging his feet through molasses and eyes dripping shut in the same manner. In fact, all the nights in the past two weeks had felt this way. With his new work schedule he was - arguably - less bored but confoundedly more tired. It was easy to blame Y/N for not working, in his head, but he knew it was wrong to. How could he? There’s no way she could find a job anywhere without being turned away as a freak body modder or cosplayer or whatever the fuck else.

Why is it nobody’s heard about people like her? The cagedoggers? The labs?  It was puzzling, disturbing thought. It made Jeongguk realize just how little the public knew about what happened in organized crime, and it made him feel like they’d all been fooled into thinking they knew anything at all. We know so little. He felt smaller now. The darkness in the streets chilled him just a bit more than usual.

He made sure to walk with a hand on the bridge railing.

The jingle of his keys was the only noise in the apartment building’s hall at this time of night, some time past three. He was woozy, drowsy, and some other adjective for fucking exhausted to the point of mania…

… And wide-eyed fucking awake the moment he stepped inside.

The scene: a wide-open balcony window, a bloodied porch. Red footsteps leading to the bathroom. A crumpled backpack, and next to it, a similarly crumpled pile of clothes. Steam rolling from the bathroom. The sound of scrubbing.

“Y/N?” he asked timidly, scolding himself when his voice shook.

The scrubbing stopped. A sniff.

Jeongguk crept in timidly, his hands shaking. The front door seemed so loud as it clicked shut. He called her name again, hating the way his voice shook. The smell of blood was making his stomach turn.

He peered into the bathroom and met her eyes, already looking up at him.

She was sitting in the bathtub, stripped to the skin and blushing all over from the heat of the water. A flimsy washcloth was gripped in her hand, frayed in places from still-extended claws. Her ears flicked back and her eyes widened, smelling his growing dread. It rolled off him in waves. She could smell his adrenaline.

“I…” The need to explain herself was overbearing, but what could she say?

“Who was it?” he asked quietly. Who died this time?

She dipped the cloth back into the rosy hot water, dragging it over her shoulders. She wouldn’t look at him.

“Y/N.” He growled. He could feel something rising in him - anger maybe? A sense of betrayal? He’d thought and trusted that the vicious tiger girl act was over, but…

“A man and his wife, then another guy,” she murmured, and his stomach dropped. She moved on to explain quickly before he kicked her out.

“I’ve been looking in the past few weeks for all the places I remember being owned in, and found one of the auction centers. I was just going to watch, I promise - I…” She looked up at him then, swallowed. “I just wanted to know. Know more. Figure out why people would own other people and the plan was to go in, check it out, and then leave without ever being seen and I would’ve but then this boy stepped up onto the block - I’m talking a boy, Jeongguk. He couldn’t have been older than eight. This foreign couple bid for him and I was so scared for him and angry. He was… the youngest I’ve ever seen.”

She was silent for a moment, and his posture softened. He didn’t know that kids were ever a part of this, not that that made the situation any more or less horrendous than it was, but… kids.

Her eyebrows knitted suddenly and she plunged the washcloth back into the water, dragging another wave of suds across her neck and shoulders.

“I haven’t told you before but we’re not born like this. I’m sure we start out human. I don’t know the tools they use or the people that do it but they turn us into these things - these hybrids - and then they wipe our memory. Blank slate. I woke up one day with no memory of whatever life I’d lived before and…” she pauses, eyes drooping and ears flattening. “I had claws. Ears. A tail - and my eyes felt wrong to look at in a mirror even though I don’t remember what they used to look like. I didn’t even speak Korean. I can’t begin to describe what that’s like Jeongguk. So for a kid…” She swallowed hard, eyes blurring. Jeongguk found himself softening, chest aching.

“I was just so full of… I don’t know. It felt like regret, but for the kid. Regret that he’s gonna be like me and the rest of the pets. So I killed his buyers. Ripped their rib cages open and hung a guard with the wife’s intestines, from the rafters.”

There was silence for a few minutes. Rolling steam. Rusty blood. The fridge hummed in the room behind him.

“And the kid?” Jeongguk found himself asking before he could filter.

Y/N dunked her head under the water and scrubbed at the blood matting her hair down, ears be damned, then emerged with a slosh of water that seemed so incredibly loud.

“Don’t know. They took him into a back room and I ran away.”

A/N: i’m trying to keep an update schedule, once a week but :/ keep the comments comin!! i live off validation !! !

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#ktfic #jeongguk x reader #jungkook x reader #jungkook #jeongguk #bts #bangtan #bts fic #bangtan fic #bts x reader #bts hybrid fic #bts hybrid au #hybrid bts x reader #bts angst #bts fluff #bts x hybrid reader #seokjin #yoongi #namjoon #jimin #hoseok #taehyung #hybrid!jimin #hybrid!bts #hybrid!yoongi #hybrid!taehyung #hybrid!namjoon #hybrid!jungkook x reader #hybrid jungkook x reader #hybrid!jeongguk x reader

[another-miracle]

between redemption and living, a Kyoru fic

AO3

1. redemption

It takes two steps to reach out to her.

The autumn wind blows against them, tossing the sheets surrounding them through the air. Her voice trembles through the cloth, and Kyo listens with a breaking heart as she recounts the childish actions she took upon her mother’s death. She chokes on her words, as if them escaping her is a sin, and Kyo scarcely can take it any longer.

His fingers find purchase on her shoulders through the sheet, grasping them gently. She lets out a soft gasp that has his blood thrumming through his veins. He swallows past the lump in his throat.

“I’m sure your mother understood without a doubt,” he murmurs into the blanket. His head leans against what he only assumes to be hers, and he feels her stiffen in his arms.

“D-do you think so?”

He grips her tighter. Not worth comforting.

“Definitely. Believe me.”

And then, “Say as much as you want. I won’t be disillusioned.”

She falls heavily on his shoulder and grips the blanket between them in her hands. Kyo closes his eyes.

This must be a redemption of some sort, he thinks, a kindness the world has bestowed upon him. The guilt tormenting his heart for years eases some, and for a breath, he thinks she may forgive him.

But as quickly as it arrives, the feeling disappears in a puff of smoke.

2.

Desperation claws at his throat. Talons in his hair pull and swing him against the nearest wall. He chokes out an apology to a sin he did not commit, trembling on the floor, and cowers away from the man who holds the meaning to his existence.

Putrid. Disgusting. Monster. A mantra, every day.

The door to his cage slides shut. Footsteps resound outside before fading away. Kyo sits up and cradles his arm against his body. Dazedly he wonders how many days like these it will take for his debt to be repaid.

It is on days like these he remembers Kyoko, blood seeping out of her mouth, eyes dead, speaking words that will sear his soul for years to come. It is on days like these Kyo relaxes into the security that he is only getting what he deserves.

I’m sorry, he speaks to no one. I’m sorry I couldn’t keep your promise.

It must be hysteria that clouds his mind, however, because from one breath to the next, Kyo releases the words he has been dreading to offer for more than three years.

I’ll take care of her better next time.

3.

It’s like she does not want me to forget, his mind shouts angrily as he eyes the slight girl leaving the room with that damned rat. At the corner of his eye, Kyo sees Shigure scratch his head and look at the roof. With a sigh, the man walks out of the room without so much of a glance at Kyo.

The nonchalance of the action pierces through Kyo, reminding him of his place among the zodiacs. Even worse, it reminds him of the child he is being - the lack of growth he has shown since then.

Her voice continues to echo in him. Remember our promise, it mocks. Don’t forget.

A scoff leaves his mouth as he makes his way downstairs, ready to banish the girl from his life within the shortest goddamned notice.

If this is how Kyoko is going to play, he sure as hell wants out of the game.

4.

Her fingers brush against his ears. In the quiet of dawn, it is only the two of them that exist in a field of dew-stained grass. He is perched on her knees, paws draped over her thighs. She calls out his name once, her voice soft in the early morning.

Sunlight peeks past his eyelids, but he is nary a care as she picks him up along with his discarded clothes and cradles him to her chest. Belatedly, he zeroes in on the memory of her lonesome form he’d seen through the window of her childhood home, and marvels at how she has somehow navigated her way here; where remption lays, where loneliness ends, where together begins.

Kyo doesn’t believe in miracles. Still doesn’t.

But hell if the girl; whose hands cup against a body he loathes, whose entire being trembled as it held onto him, whose words brought him out of darkness into a new dawn; isn’t going to help him try.

5.

It is easy to forget when they sit together like this. They talk about the mundane - you don’t know how to swim? - and tease at the other’s expense - you haven’t learnt how to breathe? They laugh and the warmth in Kyo’s chest swells.

It is simple, so simple, to be with her. With every word, she reminds him of the life worth living, hinting at a future beautiful and ideal. Kyo cherishes what he can get, hope still balancing on the pinpoint of a deal made seemingly eons ago that he may someday emerge victorious in.

Shishou returns soon after, a fond smile on his face that Kyo is minutely embarrassed by while Tohru stands at the side with a smile reminiscent of when Shishou bested him before calling him ‘son’. Kyo gathers all these smiles, goes home and burnishes them. He uses them as fuel to stoke a fire to spur him towards living-

-however futile it may be.

6.

“-till death,” Akito tells him.

7.

Vaguely, he wonders if this is what Yuki went through in his childhood. At the thought, his stomach churns, bile rising up his throat. Misery seeks company, but not like this. The thought of a child - barring one he has resented his whole life- going through the same torment as this is absolutely insane.

Renewed hate for Akito ignites in Kyo, but with no outlet, it stews and simmers, and eventually dies. There is no room for hate. There is no room for anyone either. Only Akito. His worth is Akito.

Picking apart his memories, he begins to forget. What was the walk back to Shigure’s house like? Were there flowers that grew on the sidewalk? He would’ve picked them for her. He should have.

How did Tohru call his name? What was the exact cadence of her voice? Does she remember him? Does she wish to see him? Does she miss him?

Closing his eyes, he lets himself indulge in a memory of her.

They sit on the roof of Shigure’s house under a blanket of stars, her warmth next to him. She turns to him, distant city lights casting shadows on her face. Her eyes crinkle and Kyo reaches up to poke at the dimples indenting her cheeks. She giggles in response and Kyo laughs along, brushing her fringe from her forehead and leaning in-

The door slides open with a loud bang.

Choking on reality, Kyo gasps for breath, trying- and failing to return. His fingers search for the comforting roughness of roof tiles, but all that greets him is the scratch of cold tatami against his nails.

He looks up, vision blurry, as a kimono-clad figure walks through the door.

“Hello, monster,” Akito calls. “How is my favourite creature today?”

8.

The walk home is potent with silence, their footsteps the only sounds amidst bouts of shuffling, catching-up, turning around to check on the other. Kyo glances at Tohru for the umpteenth time, only to immediately swing back around after finding that her face is entirely flushed. His own cheeks heat in response.

In the heat of the moment, he didn’t think- couldn’t think of how she might have felt when he leaned his head on her shoulder. All he knew was that she was waiting for him while he was being an idiot. And Yuki was right; he made her worry.

Now as they awkwardly attempt to have a very normal walk back to Shigure’s house, Kyo can’t help but groan at the audacity he had to do something like that to a poor innocent girl like Tohru. Is he a pervert? God. What was he thinking?

Suddenly, a soft giggle sounds from behind him. Kyo’s hand falls from his head-when did it get there? -and turns to look at Tohru. A little clenched fist balances over her lips where an amused smile plays at. Tohru glances up at him, cheeks still flushed, before her gaze shyly retreats again.

Kyo feels his lips purse into an annoyed pout.

“What’s so funny,” he grumbles under his breath.

Tohru giggles again. “Nothing, Kyo-kun. You just look so distressed over what is probably a small matter.” She smiles sweetly at him, hand falling to grasp the straps of her bag.

“Back in classroom,” her eyes avert away for a moment, “I-I didn’t mind. It was sweet of you to think of me.”

Kyo slams a hand against the wall, fingernails trying to find purchase on the concrete. Goddammit, it should be illegal to be that cute. Fuck.

His head hangs away from Tohru, missing the probably flustered look on her face, judging by the little shouts of surprise coming from her. Kyo clenches his eyes, before braving a look at her.

Fuck, still cute. Dammit.

With a huff, his hand leaves the wall to bonk her on the head. His ears are burning. She looks up at him in surprise, eyes wide and questioning.

“It’s nothing,” he says.

Then quieter, “Thanks for waiting for me.”

9.

“I’ll just need to wait for you,” she whispers.

Kyo almost misses it over the sound of the television. He turns in his seat and is greeted by the sight of Tohru crying into a washcloth, tears streaming down her face and onto the tabletop.

“H-hey,” Kyo starts, quickly lumbering over to her side of the table. He begins to take her hands from her face, but she abruptly pulls away. Helplessly, he chokes out a soft, “Don’t cry.”

At this, she seems to sob even more, her knees coming up to bury her face in. Kyo watches her break down, words of comfort drying up in his throat.

He…doesn’t know what to say. He told her a few months before graduation - about the cat’s fate, the bet with Akito - and to his surprise and horror, she told him she already knew. Akito had informed her about everything during his visit to the summer vacation home, fabricating stories of an endless banquet and the zodiacs never leaving his side. It was cruel and strange and absolutely foreign. She didn’t want to believe it then.

But with tomorrow looming, it no longer matters what Tohru thinks. Kyo lost the bet and from tomorrow onwards, he will take up new residence in the Sohma estate, a corner reserved only for him - in the Cat’s room.

Once before, in the days leading up to his mother’s funeral, his father brought him there.

“This is where you will live to pay for your sins,” he said, dragging Kyo towards the door. “All I need is the head’s approval, and I will be rid of you forever, you filthy scum.”

Now, ten years on, Kyo lives in one of the warmest households he’s been in, where he lets time pass wastefully, only to have it snatched away by a fate he knows is a long time coming.

Kyo sighs. “It was only a matter of time,” he tells her. “There’s no use crying over something that can’t be changed.”

He feels her grip onto his beads, her fingers slipping under before reaching for his pulse.

“It wasn’t wasted,” she says with finality, determination glinting in her eyes. “Your time outside wasn’t wasted.”

The next day, they send him off at the fringes of the Sohma estate. Tohru holds his hand until the last moment and tangles their fingers tight together.  Selfishly, he grips back, closes his eyes and imagines a future that will never be, holds onto hope.

He squeezes once, twice- breathes, then lets go.

10.

He wonders what it will be like to have something like that DVD. Of course, it’ll be nice to have something to record all the quiet moments, all the happy times. But if it plays back things like that, she might not survive the fall.

And he’s afraid- that she won’t let go, that she’ll wait on him forever. Replaying the memories over and over, he’s scared that she won’t let herself forget. It’s one thing for him to be subject to this fate, but a person as bright, as innocent and pure as her, should not be saddled with a burden such as he. The curse was never meant to extend beyond the family, yet he selfishly allowed it to be so.

In a way, there isn’t much he can do at this point. What she said during the play- that awkward interruption, paired with a devastated grimace- he heard it loud and clear. Kyo lies sedately on the floor, arm under his head. This is absolutely not what he wanted. He was supposed to leave from the beginning, a mere sojourner passing through her earth. He didn’t intend for this to happen. He didn’t intend to leave things behind.

He didn’t intend for her to fall in love as well.

11.

It comes like a seabreeze from a distant shore, a memory from a long, long time ago.

Tears fall from his eyes without his consent. They dribble down his cheek, dripping off his unshaven chin. Kyo sits up and looks around.

In an instant, nothing makes sense. Nothing about where he is, why he is here, who he is, makes sense. Why are there walls confining him? What was his purpose here? What held him back from leaving?

Why did he not go to where she was?

Suddenly, the door to the room slides open. Kyo bristles and readies himself, an instinct ingrained in his body. But strangely, he no longer feels fear.

Shigure steps into the room, yukata-clad as Kyo has always remembered him to be, and faces him. He smiles briefly, eyes lacking the pity Kyo is used to seeing from him.

“Hey,” Shigure says.

Stunned, Kyo gives a confused wave.

Shigure laughs. It comes out slightly choked, with a tinge of hysteria. He comes up to Kyo and clamps his hand over Kyo’s shoulder. Shaking him, the tears fall as well.

Kyo looks up at him, cheeks still wet.

It’s over.

12.

Kyo stands in front of the mirror and gazes at his reflection. He doesn’t know how long he’s been in the Cat’s room, but the beard growing out of the sides of his face betrays the amount of time he’s been alone. Picking up the razor balanced precariously on the edge of the sink, he slowly begins to shave. His fingers stutter in their grip, and Kyo almost cuts himself.

“Do you need help?” Hatori asks, an eye peeking out through the fall of his hair. Absently, Kyo stares at the man a little longer, noticing the lack of pity he has grown accustomed to in his voice.

“N-no.” Kyo looks down and washes the razor for the umpteenth time. “I’m good.”

It’s difficult- witnessing all these changes firsthand. There is so much to say, yet there is nothing to say at all. It seems like they have all come to an agreement without voicing anything, and everyone around him has accepted it, including himself.

Hatori passes him a face towel and Kyo takes it, murmuring a soft noise of gratitude. He wipes his face, before staring at the mirror once more. There is something unrecognizable in his reflection. It’s him, yet it isn’t.

In an instant, Kyo’s gaze is drawn to the beads encircling his left wrist. He slips his fingers under them for a moment, thumb and forefinger playing with one of them. Slowly, finger by finger, he grasps the beads- string and all- in a fist, and pulls.

They drop to the floor like marbles, bouncing once, then rolling away.

And Kyo is already crouched on the ground, sobbing. He curls himself up next to the bathtub, burying his head in his knees. A part of him is waiting for the inevitable, and yet a part of him knows that it will never come and haunt him again.

He’s…free.

Hatori comes down to crouch next to him, and in a rare act of comfort from the man, wraps his arm around Kyo’s head and begins patting his hair. After existing so long without the warmth of another, Kyo clutches onto Hatori’s shirt and cries. In that moment, he grieves for what both of them have lost, and grieves for what both of them have gained. Kyo is lost, and found. Confused, yet so, so secure. He is empty, therefore he is full.

After about ten minutes of full-on sobbing into the shirt of a man whom he has barely spoken more than a few sentences to in his life, Kyo awkwardly removes himself from Hatori’s chest. To his embarrassment, all Hatori does is give him a small smile, cheeks slightly damp, and pats his head once more. Shyly, he scratches the back of his head before moving to stand, Hatori following suit. As he looks around the bathroom, Kyo finds himself at a loss. He has so many questions, but they get lodged in his throat when he attempts to ask.

Hatori must see the look in his eyes because he clasps his shoulder and says, “Ask Honda-kun. She’ll tell you everything.”

13. living

Kyo can’t wait.

No, of course he can. It’s been years.

It’s been years, that’s why he can’t wait, dammit.

He can’t do this. This is too much. What if she’s forgotten? What if she no longer wants anything to do with him? He did leave her once before- what if she decides she can’t take another person leaving and being left behind again?

And what about him? Does he still want to see her? Does he still want her? What about her did he like? What did he use to do with her? What was their life like when they lived together? What if-

A smack sounds across the back of his head. Kyo’s hands immediately go up to cradle his head, only to be met with the annoyed glare of one Yuki Sohma.

“Get it together, you stupid cat,” Yuki bites out. “She’ll be here soon.”

A snarl almost makes it past his throat, but Kyo remembers that…they don’t need to do this anymore.

For a moment, Kyo is baffled by the rivalry manufactured so intently between them. He’s layered hate upon hate on this man before him without even realizing how foreign the idea was in the first place. The anger fizzles out in his chest, and all that’s left is guilt. Guilt of tormenting Yuki since the first time they met, right until the moment before he left. Guilt of pushing the blame onto Yuki every time something upset his seemingly miserable life. Yuki had it hard as well, he knows. He just refused to acknowledge it.

“I’m…sorry,” Kyo tells him, looking up with furrowed brows. The words taste unfamiliar on his tongue. Yuki narrows his eyes at him, before taking a seat adjacent to him in the kotatsu.

He sighs.

“We’ve been terrible to each other, haven’t we?” Yuki starts.

Kyo places his hand back on the table in front of him, finger spreading out before clenching once more. “Yeah, we have.”

“What were we even mad at each other about anyway?”

“I don’t know. I think we were just always being pitched against each other. It pissed me off.”

“Yeah, well. You were being quite an idiot about it too.”

“Hey-“

“Don’t worry,” Yuki puts up his hands in surrender. “I was a pretty big dick to you too.”

Then softer, “I’m sorry.”

At the words, Kyo finds himself being released from a crime he has spent so long believing he had done. He thinks back on what Kyoko said, about not having a designated person to hate and blame, and finally sees the beauty that she was trying to convey. All he needed was an outlet for all the hurt he experienced in his life, and when he realized that there was hope, that there was redemption somewhere, it began to dig him deeper and deeper into a cycle of rehearsed loathing, fashioned it into something so grotesque, Kyo couldn’t recognize it in himself anymore. He couldn’t even recognize himself anymore.

All the wasted years, Kyo briefly laments. But it brings comfort that the bridge between Yuki and him has not been completely burned. Kyo knows who to thank for that.

The front door suddenly slams open and footsteps sound through the hall into the kitchen. In a flurry of brown hair and pink dress, she appears before him, panting heavily and looking straight into his eyes.

His eyes widen. “Tohru-“

Her arms are around him before he has the chance to say anything else. She squeezes him tight, burying her face into his neck. The ends of her hair tickle his jawline, and Kyo feels a dampness against his skin. She shakes in her hold, shifting her face back and forth into the cloth at his shoulder.

Kyo continues to stare in shock at the wall in front of him. The door to the room slides shut quietly, and he realizes that Yuki has left the room.

Slowly, his hand reaches up to the back of her head before sliding down the length of her hair. He repeats the action over and over, his fingers tangling in the soft strands. He combs through her hair, his other hand coming up to rest against her waist. She sobs harder and harder, her words incomprehensible.

“K-kyo-kun,” Tohru whimpers. She clenches a fist in the back his shirt and tightens her grip.

Immediately, something in his chest cracks. Kyo buries his fingers in earnest in her hair, clutching her tightly against him. His arms band around her frame and the tears that were held at bay fall from the corner of his eyes down his nose. He turns his neck and places his lips at her pulse, each beat thrumming through him, signalling to him that she’s here and she’s real.

How many times had he imagined this moment? The smell of her hair, the softness of her skin? No matter how much he polishes every memory of her till they shine, it can never compare to how she feels in his arms right now. The senses that have shut down so long ago from repeated rejection from others in his life, the loss of hope that someone, someday, will hold him like this, like they never want to let go, explode to life and Kyo takes in whatever he can greedily, selfishly, and as much as he wants. He steeps in the luxury of a hug from a girl he cares about most, and soaks in every detail, every sensation he has missed out on in the past few years stolen from his life.

They hold each other a while longer, before slowly separating to look into the other’s eyes. Tohru lifts a hand to Kyo’s cheek, and he leans into it, nosing her palm and brushing his lips across her wrist. She runs a finger repeatedly under his eyes, catching the tears there. Kyo does the same to her, cradling her face gently while brushing her fringe away. They lean their foreheads against each other, broken smiles playing at their lips.

“Kyo-kun,” Tohru calls him.

“Yeah,” he replies, voice cracking.

“I missed you.”

“I-“ inhale, “I missed you too.”

“Kyo-kun,” she calls again.

“Y-yeah.”

She laughs and places a kiss on his forehead. He closes his eyes and grips her tighter. In the deepest corners of his heart, there is a smidge of doubt, an inkling of fear, that rejection will come sooner or later. But when Kyo opens his eyes and sees Tohru smiling through her tears, he is strong, and brave, and fearless, and ready to love and to love and to love. Then, she tells him the words that overwrite the pain he’s gone through, that cancel out the unforgiveness he bears within himself, that make him feel stronger than he has ever been before.

“Kyo-kun, look,” she places a hand on his left wrist, leave a kiss there, and smiles.

“You’re free.”

———————————————

Inspired by a line in @sariedust ‘s fic, If Only:

"This would be a memory he’d polish over and over during the years.”

Do check it out (:

#fruits basket #fruits basket spoilers #kyoru #kyo x tohru #kyo sohma #tohru honda #yixin’s fic

[all-da-ladies-luv-leoo]

A.M.

Pairing: Reddie

Word count: 1,064

Warnings: It Chapter Two spoilers !!

Summary: After the Loser’s Club (minus Stanley :( ) meets back up after 27 years, Eddie and Richie realize they have a lot of catching up to do. After dinner, Eddie finds himself in Richie’s room, drinking and reminiscing on old times. (roughly based on the song A.M. by one direction!)

(not my best work, but I'm still pretty proud of this. ngl I cried but that’s okay)

~

Edward Kaspbrak tossed and turned, but he could not for the life of him fall asleep. He just found out that the monster clown who tormented him as a child was back, and he was expected to fall asleep? Slowly, he dragged himself out of bed, giving up on trying to sleep, and made his way to the door of the first person he could think of.

Eddie knocked on the door, and it swung open quick. Almost too quick, as if the person on the other side had been expecting Eddie's arrival.

"Eds!" Richie greeted with a drink in his hand.

"Were you waiting for someone?"

"Yeah, actually I was. I have a hot date with your mother -"

"Oh shut up asshole. Not fucking funny, okay? And don't call me Eds. I'm not twelve anymore."

Richie simply laughed at Eddie and opened the door wider, stepping to the side to allow him to enter. Richie's bed was still perfectly made, and Eddie could tell Richie had no intention of sleeping anytime soon.

"Do you want a drink?" Richie asked as he poured himself another glass.

"Sure," Eddie replied as he sat on Richie's pristine bed.

Richie came back over and handed Eddie a glass, sitting on the bed next to him and leaning up against the headboard.

"So tell me, Eds, what brings you to my humble abode tonight?" Richie said, taking a sip of his drink. "Looking for a quickie?"

"Seriously? What the fuck is wrong with you, man? Forget it, I'm out."

With that, Eddie set his glass on the nightstand and pushed himself off the bed, heading towards the door. He was stopped in his tracks, however, when he felt a large warm hand on his wrist, holding him back from going any further.

"Hey, stop. I'm kidding, okay? Just a joke, it's what I do. Please stay. I promise I'll try to control myself. Just... stay, okay?"

Eddie turned to look at Richie, his eyes showing a vulnerability Eddie had only seen once or twice before. It was a look that made Eddie's heart flutter, no matter how many times he tried to deny it because dammit he was straight and didn't have a crush on his best friend.

"Okay, I'll stay, just please no jokes about my mother or about how shocked you are that I married a woman."

Eddie crawled back onto the bed. Richie let go of his wrist and let his hand drop to rest right next to Eddie's, so close they were almost touching. The two of them stayed like that, sitting in silence for a while, breathing in the company of one another.

"So, you're a comedian now?" Richie nodded. "I always knew you'd end up with a job like that. I personally always pictured you with your own radio show, but this is pretty neat, too," Eddie confessed, the alcohol he was consuming seeming to reach his head.

"I thought about it, but then I realized no one would be able to see my gorgeous face, so I settled for being a comedian."

Eddie chuckled a bit before a somber look fell on his face.

"Seems kind of morbid, don't you think? We're back here in our home town to defeat some killer clown, and here we are, drinking alcohol and talking about anything other than the situation we're in," he said, creating a small tension in the room.

"Listen, World War III could be happening right outside that door, and I'd still rather be sitting here, talking to you."

Eddie smiled slightly, "I just... I wish we could forget about time, y'know? Coming back to Derry opened a gate that I tried to keep closed. But that gate is open now, and it's like all these memories of when we were young are flooding back."

"Maybe that's a good thing..." Richie trailed off.

"Right. Of course. Because memories of my overbearing mother and how I almost died that summer is what I want to remember," Eddie replied bitterly.

"That's not what I meant. Just listen, the memories we all made together, the memories of the Loser's Club... that's what matters. Now, I don't know about you, but those were some of the best days of my life. The way we used to just waste time, goofing off and acting like kids because we were kids. Granted, we were kids who were forced to grow up too fast, but we were kids nonetheless."

Eddie glanced at the clock that read 2:48 AM, "I should let you get some sleep... it's late."

"Oh please, you know I won't be getting much sleep in here," Richie winked.

"Beep fucking beep, Richie. Do you not know how to behave?"

"Oh, please, Eds, you know I never learned how."

Eddie sighed and looked down at his hand. He traced the scar on his palm and remembered the day he got it.

"Remember these scars, Rich? We got these together," Eddie stated, flipping Richie's hand over to trace his mark as well.

"Yeah," Richie smirked. "Still can't believe you let Bill cut you with a shard of glass he found in the dirt."

"Ugh, don't remind me," Eddie shuddered. "I hate that I let him do that, but, I guess, friendship is just really important to me."

Richie turned to meet Eddie's gaze, the two of them holding eye contact for a few seconds before bursting out laughing.

"That was the stupidest shit you've ever said!" Richie teased. "Oh, man, I forgot! The first time I ever got you drunk, I realized that you start talking out of your ass the minute you start downing glasses."

"Wanna know what I learned that night?" Eddie said seriously.

Richie simply nodded.

"I learned that out of every conversation we've ever had, these ones were my favorites."

"The ones where we talk about our childhood and how we have to kill some fucking clown?" Richie questioned.

"No, dipshit. The ones where we stayed up drinking and talking into the early hours of the morning, not caring what we're saying."

Richie took a deep breath, "Eds, can I tell you something?"

Eddie nodded hesitantly.

"Deep down, I knew I'd always come back home, and deep down, I knew I'd always look for you. And I think that deep down, you knew it, too."

"Yeah," Eddie's eyes met Richie's. "I did."

#it chapter two #it chapter two spoilers #it spoilers #it #it 2019 #reddie #reddie oneshot #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #beep beep richie #bill hader #james ransone

[bunnymaknaereacts]

Monsta X’s Reaction to Your Insecurities - Maknae Line

WARNING -This might be very triggering to you if you have/had a mental illness or suffer from anxiety/depression. Please read with caution.

EXTRA TRIGGER WARNING. THIS FIRST SCENARIO DEALS WITH SUICIDE.

Hyungwon (혀원) - “Nobody would miss me anyway…”

Screaming. That’s the last thing you heard as the blackness consumed you.

…

…

…

ONE HOUR BEFORE…

…

…

…

‘My dearest Hyungwon,’ you wrote, tears in your eyes. ‘I am so sorry to do this to you. You deserve so much better. I know you thought if you just loved me enough that I’d be okay. That things wouldn’t come to this. But things don’t always work that way, baby. Not everything can be fixed. I tried to get through this for you. I wanted so badly to grow old with you. Have children. Maybe a cat. But I can’t. I can’t really explain the feeling. All I know is that I’m not who you want. Who you deserve. I’m not beautiful or strong enough. I would just continue to disappoint you and everyone else. I would be a terrible mother. But I have every confidence that you’ll find someone who’s worthy of you. Not right away of course. I know you’ll need time to heal. But you will. If you could make it through No Mercy, you can make it through this. Maybe if we meet again in our next lives I’ll be a better me, one that deserves you. Please do me one last favor. Give my sister her letter, will you Wonnie? Stay with her. Hold her when she’s done reading it. Tell her I’m sorry. Tell her how much I loved her. And after, burn the letters. Move on, without me. I’ll be fine. I’ll have mom. Well, I have to go. This is already too long. You’ll be home soon so I have to go. Goodbye, Wonnie. I love you. Y/N.’

Folding up the letter and putting in in an envelope with the one you wrote for your sister, you stood up, looking around your room. Pictures of you, Hyungwon and your friends were everywhere. You remember when you met Hyungwon. You were a huge fan of his group. He was your bias. Your mother had gotten you passes for a fansign for your birthday. Everyone was really nice. You and your sister had so much fun. You never in your wildest dreams imagined you would ever see him again. You were a waitress at a local restaurant. One day when you went in for your shift the place was completely empty, very unusual for a Saturday night. Your boss told you to be on your very best behavior. That a celebrity had rented out the place for the night. You nearly screamed when you saw Monsta X walk through the front doors. Needless to say it was a long night. You were very lucky you didn’t drop anything. You were so nervous. But the craziest thing that happened was after the boys left. Once your boss was confident that you weren’t going to cause some major disaster, he made some bullshit excuse about a family emergency and left you to fend for yourself, something he did often. The rest of the night went smoothly and it was finally time to lock up. However once you turned around to go home, you noticed a rather fancy car parked right in front of you. You couldn’t stop your jaw from dropping when Hyungwon rolled down the window, offering you a ride.

Even after how close you became since that night, it surprised you when he asked you to be his girlfriend. He was incredibly sweet, the best boyfriend ever. Things were amazing. Until your mother was suddenly diagnosed with cancer. It hit hard and fast. A couple months after it was confirmed you and your sister were dealing with lawyers and planning her funeral. It completely changed you. Your mom was the most important person in you life, and suddenly she was gone. You didn’t know how to cope. You started hanging out with your childhood friends, the ones who were bad news. Got into trouble. Lost your job. It got so bad that Starship wouldn’t let you out in public or to the company with Hyungwon until you got some help. For a while, you didn’t. By that time you were in the angry stage of grief, so needless to say you didn’t see much of Hyungwon for a while. He would stop by when he could, usually once or twice a week, to make sure you were okay, but that was about it. Deep down you felt bad, but you just missed your mom so much. You already fucked up so much. You figured he would eventually get sick of you and leave. But he never did. Not even when you started drinking. Eventually he came to your place one day to find you extremely drunk. That’s when he lost it. He broke down crying and finally said if you didn’t get help that he would leave you. He just could watch you self destruct anymore. That’s what made you finally snap out of it. You didn’t even want to think what would happen if you ever lost him. So you got help. Went to rehab and started seeing a therapist. Eventually Starship lifted the ban and things got a little better. But after a while, once you got used to the routine, everything you had done, everything you had felt started coming back to you. You were fine when you were around Hyungwon, Wonho, Kihyun and the others. But the second you were alone it all came rushing back. Taunting you. Torturing you. Reminding you that your happiness wouldn’t last forever. That somehow something would happen and you would let everyone down. Again. You became paranoid, guarded. Maybe you should just kill yourself. The first time you thought it, you were shocked. You loved Hyungwon. You didn’t want to leave him. You still don’t. Even as you hold the full bottle of sleeping pills in your hand. But as the depression worsened, you realized you needed to. Everyone would be better off without you.

You picked up your phone to look at the clock. Hyungwon will be home soon. If you’re going to do this it has to be now. So you went to the kitchen, grabbed a glass of water and sat on your bed, taking the pills one by one until the bottle was empty. It took awhile but when it was over you were relieved. You would miss Hyungwon but it was for the best. He would be fine without you. Your eyelids slowly became heavy. By the time your boyfriend finally came home, you were already laying down. Eyes closed. Too sleepy to respond. It was odd. It was like sleep paralysis. You could hear Hyungwon calling your name. Could hear him screaming and crying when he found you and called the ambulance. But you couldn’t respond. Couldn’t tell him you loved him. Couldn’t say goodbye.

…

…

…

TWO DAYS LATER

…

…

…

It was your third night in the hospital and you still hadn’t woken up. Which meant that Hyungwon hadn’t slept in three days. He already missed the signs of what you were about to do. He wouldn’t miss anything else. Not until he heard your voice. Saw your beautiful eyes. Made you promise to never do this to him again. The doctors said if he had gotten home just five minutes later you would be dead right now.

(LIKE KIHYUN, HYUNGWON WILL NEED A SECOND PART)

Jooheon (주헌) - “I’m a failure.”

“Dammit!” You cursed, slamming your laptop shut. Your friend from high school got her masters degree today. You were happy for her, so out of curiosity you checked your email. You were trying to get back into school for music management, inspired by your loving boyfriend. You’ve had a lot of ups and downs in your past, but music was always a constant. Even if you hadn’t auditioned for Starship, and failed, and met Jooheon, you still would have tried to pursue music in some way. But every school you applied to rejected you, no matter what you applied for. Today was no different. You just couldn’t catch a break. Frustrated, you grabbed your phone and your headphones, turned on Do Not Disturb, and left to blow off some steam. With music blaring in your ears, you walked to the river near where you lived. More often than not, it calmed you down when your thoughts ran wild, but today was not one of those days. Relief was replaced with regret and self-loathing. By the time you got home, it was dark outside. Feeling no different than when you left, you just wanted to take a quick shower and head to bed. However, when you walked in the door, Jooheon was sitting on your couch, his head in his hands.

“Jooheon?” You asked when he didn’t react to you walking in the door. His head snapped up and you saw his tensed form relax once his eyes met yours.

“Thank god,” he whispered, getting up and wrapping you in a bone-crushing hug.

“Um. Honey?” You asked after a minute of him not letting go. He slowly pulled back, though he still kept his hands on your shoulders.

“Where were you? I’ve been texting you.” You sighed. You loved him but you so did not want to have this conversation right now.

“Nowhere.. Look, I just really want to go to bed okay?” You responded colder than you usually did, causing Jooheon to drop his hands. You could tell he was hurt by your attitude but you couldn’t bring yourself to care at the moment. You tried walking past him to your bedroom but were stopped by his hand around your wrist.

“No.”

“Excuse me?” What was up with him.

“I said no. I’m not going to let you blow me off this time. Do you know how worried I was?”

“I just went on a walk.” He scoffed, running his hands through his hair.

“Yeah. Because apparently you’d rather isolate yourself than talk to me.” You opened your mouth to respond but he wouldn’t continued talking. “Don’t. You’ve been so on edge lately. I don’t know if you realize it or not, but every time I try to talk to you you lash out at me. I don’t understand. I just want to help you. So why are you pushing me away?” Finally, the emotional dam in you cracked. Your eyes stung with tears. You tried looking back and realized he was right. All he’s done is be the perfect friend and boyfriend, and you’ve been nothing but a total asshole to him.

“I didn’t..” you said with a shaky voice. “I just.. I didn’t mean..” Jooheon’s frustration vanished as he pulled you into a hug. For a while all you did was sob. When you stopped, Jooheon pulled you to the couch and sat next to you, letting you collect your thoughts. When you calmed down enough to speak you hung your head, to ashamed to look at him. “I didn’t mean to push you away. Things have just been really hard lately and… I didn’t want you to know how much of a failure I was.”

“What do you mean?”

“I got another rejection email today.”

“Oh Jagi.. I’m sorry.” He rubbed your back softly, trying to comfort you.

“I just.. Don’t understand. I mean I know I didn’t have the best grades in high school. And I know dropping out not college was not the best idea. But I’ve been trying so hard to get back on track... It just feels like no matter what I do, I’m screwed. And I hate it. All of my friends are graduating and starting families and I’m still stuck. Working minimum wage and barely getting by. I wish I could go back in time and change things.” You heard Jooheon sigh next to you.

“Hey.” You looked up to see a sad smile on his face. “I love you, okay? You can trust me. You are not a failure. You’ve been working so hard to pick yourself up. I know I haven’t been around as much as I’d like to be. But I still see it. Things will get better. I’ll try harder to be around more. I’ll help you. Just don’t push me away.”

“Okay.” You took in a deep breath, finally smiling before leaning against his side and resting your head on his shoulder. You did not deserve this man, but you were thankful you had him.

WARNING. THIS NEXT SCENARIO DEALS WITH ABUSE. READ WITH CAUTION.

Changkyun (창균) / I.M (아이엠) - “I was used to it.”

The last thing you wanted to do right now was get out of bed. But you had to. Your best friend was due to show up in a little over an hour. It had been a while since you and Changkyun had a chance to hang out. You were excited and dreading it at the same time. Of course you were happy to see him. You missed him. But you were scared of how he was going to react to the bomb you were about to drop on him. You didn’t want to do it, but you needed to tell someone and he was the only person you could think of who you actually trusted. You anxiously went over everything in your head as you got ready and before long you heard him knocking on your door. You grabbed the doorknob, taking a deep breath before finally letting him in.

“Hey, stranger danger,” he said with a huge smile as you let him in. When you closed the door he pulled you in for the biggest hug. Usually his hugs made you feel safe and calm, but with what you were about to tell him you felt more nervous than anything. When you parted you got drinks for the two of you and settled on the couch, making sure to be the first to ask ‘So how’ve you been?’ What you had to say was pretty heavy so you wanted him to go first, the whole time he talked making sure to hold your cup in your lap. “So,” he finally said, finishing his piece. “What about you?” You took a deep breath. Here goes nothing.

“Well..” Even though you thought about what to say so many times you just couldn’t think of how to bring it up, so instead of telling him you were going to show him. You stretched your arm out to set your cup on the coffee table, your sleeve pushing up your arm just enough for Changkyun to see what he needed to see.

“What the hell is that?!” He grabs your wrist gently, pushing the sleeve up to your elbow to reveal bruises in the shapes of fingers around your forearm. “Did he do this?”

“Yeah.” Changkyun sighed deeply, chewing on the inside of his cheek.

“Was it the first time?” he asked, eyes still locked on your arm.

“No.”

“Jesus christ.” You knew he was about to go off so you spoke quickly.

“Look, I’m going to tell you everything, okay? I know what you’re going to say. But it’s over. We’re done. He’s not coming back.” He nodded, letting you explain everything first.

You and your boyfriend had known each other since you were kids. He was a really nice guy. You started dating towards the end of high school. But a lot happened to him after he graduated. When he enlisted in the military, his mom became ill and died. He developed anger issues and started hanging with the wrong people. Developed some bad habits. Drinking, smoking. For a while the anger never escalated past arguments and yelling. But as time went on, he started drinking more, and something snapped. He would push and yank you around, hold you too tight when you begged him to let go and so many other things. Whenever you tried to leave he threatened the people you cared about. So eventually you stopped trying. You let him have control on pretty much any aspect of your life that he could. What you did, who you talked to, how you looked, how you spent your money. You don’t really remember how it ended. What the argument was about that made him leave, but not too long after he was gone you realized you didn’t care. You were free.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Changkyun asked once he was finished processing everything.

“I didn’t want him to hurt you. He hated you. Besides, by then I was used to it.” Changkyun took your hands in his, finally looking at you, nearly in tears.

“You shouldn’t have been used to it. It shouldn’t have happened in the first place. You didn’t deserve that.” You sighed.

“At the time, in the middle of it all, I thought I did.”

“Y/N…” Changkyun paused, trying to hold in his tears. “You deserve so much better than that.”

“I know that now.”

“I never would have treated you like that.”

“I know.”

“Let me prove it to you.” Your mouth opened with an audible ‘pop.’

“Wait...what?”

“Look.. I never told you this because you and him were so close..but I always loved you. Maybe if I had confessed the first time I realized it...none of this would have happened. I know this is really bad timing. And if you want to wait.. If you want to take it slow.. I totally understand. I’d do it. I just.. want you to be happy.” Now it was your turn to cry. Shockingly, the whole situation with your ex didn’t make you sad. What made you sad was Changkyun. You always had feelings for him. You only started seeing your ex because you thought they weren’t reciprocated. If only you had noticed it sooner. This whole mess could have been avoided. “I’m sorry,” Changkyun said, gently wiping your tears with his thumb. “You don’t have to answer now. Just think about it okay?” You smiled at him, placing your free hand over the one holding your face.

“I don’t need to. I want to try.”

“Wait.. seriously?” Your heart warmed as he grinned excitedly. You nodded, your heart jumping as he pressed a kiss to your forehead. “I promise, I won’t let you down.”

“I know.

(Ok yes I know. That last one was super fluffy at the end but I couldn’t help it. I wanted it to be different from the rest.)

#monsta x #monbebe #monsta x reactions #monsta x imagines #depression #anxiety #suicide #trigger warning #abuse #chae hyungwon #hyungwon #lee jooheon #jooheoney #im changkyun #i.m #bunnymaknaereacts