#gonna break your heart cause im me and than also fix it cause i like comfort fics

[ace-of-gay]

The run and go

This is a song fic, the song is the run and go by twenty one pilots, from the vessel album

Bucky x reader

Angst and comfort

1857 words

Warnings: ptsd, mentions of guns, war, cling on the outside of the tower, feelings of shame worthlessness anxiety and depression, mention of war, thunderstorm

No pronouns, skin color, weight etc mentioned.

Edited to the best of my ability

《~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~♡~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~》

Something about the word coming out at random stuck him weird, leaving a gash in the place of a forgotten scar to the mind, peter was going to homecoming and just so happened to be talking to Mr. stark about it needing the day of patrol off. Its not peters fault, in no way is it anyone’s fault. surely it should have left him fine, i mean he went through a lot in wakanda to have his mind back to himself.

That night going to bed his mattress felt ever so slightly harder and his body just couldn't warm up correctly, yes his mind was his by the moment to moment view but looking backwards the ptsd he faced made it impossible to not be affected.

Footsteps down the hall woke him up around five in the morning but the windows showed three at the latest, too early for people to leave their rooms.

In seconds he’s back in hydra, spikes of adrenaline, anxiety, panic all flaring, his heartrate rocketing, the whirring of the plates in his arm, the glint of artificial light reflecting off of the metal, his mind didn't pick up on the fact he has a completely new arm almost as if everything was black and white.

In that moment it took him straight back, He had just killed another victim, winter had taken another persons fragile life, the last one he hoped from the back of his corrupted consciousness, they were coming to do the same exact thing to him, to turn his electric anxiety into electric shock to rewrite his memory, a new man a new tool same words, homecoming.

Taking everything in his barren room and barricading his door, disregarding the sound of heavy furniture being practically thrown from one side of his room to the other, it didn't matter because in this state he couldn't take all of them, one after another they would have stepped over bodies to take him down, put his mind back into submission.

His mind in a mix of locations it didn't matter that he was in the stark tower anything and everything in this moment was hydra and he couldn't take the risk of them getting to him.

That little version inside his head saying he was okay was drowned out by the thrumming and pounding of his heart in his ears, the only thing he could think was that its a dangerous climb but the balcony just above the one connected to his room was temporary safety.

The team was alerted that he was climbing the side of the building, this is the type of scenario where they should have Steve but he was on a mission out of the country.

What winter ridden Bucky hadn't realized in his haze was that the floor above his was the labs, the balcony was connected to the common room on that floor where the occasional outdoor experiment would happen, so when he haphazardly climbed over the banister and stumbled through the doorway just for the room to be covered in 'experimental' equipment it surely didn't help bring him from his moment.

Looking around symbols stood out, they weren't hydra, the lab coats weren't stained or ripped, and the three people running in weren't from Nazi Germany, everything was in English, the people were in modern clothes, nothing fancy or professional.

He couldn't think of the names of any of the three guards? Or were they soldiers, who are these people were they doctors? "Bucky you need to focus on something" was spoken out, from who he’s not quite sure but all it did was cause winter-Bucky to tense up, chest puffing forward, shoulders stiff and face dead of emotion.

"Everyone out" a new voice echoes from around the corner, rushing footsteps running in, "out now, please" the person directs with the others following after a moment of persuading glances, it was just him and them.

Him and you.

You’ve seen his somewhat like this once before, the only thing that helped was a familiar face and a few words he'd recognize.

"Soldat stand down" something in your voice spoke home, your eyes shared a recognizable flick of kindness.

Walking towards winter-Bucky you keep your direction obvious, your hands out of your pockets and everything purposefully untucked, you didn't share a threat whatsoever, his mind still on guard he follows you with a steady gaze, you go over to the fridge and pull out a couple waters, proof in the sealed lid that it hasn't been tampered with.

"Follow" you walk out of the room to a hallway that lead to a stairwell, instead of going down back to the floor of rooms you go up to the lounge floor with plenty of spaces to calm down and relax

"Please have a seat soldier, take a drink of water if you desire" you sit yourself across from him on the couch, he seats himself stiffly in the chair, opening the water and rushing to chug it before it can be taken "soldier, breathe, its not going anywhere, there’s plenty more if you’d like at any point"

Something in your words melted winters stiff robotic mannerisms, "you’re safe, you know that?" You question but his face stays hardened.

"Your name is James Buchanan barnes, your best friend is Steve rogers. Bucky, I’m y/n we are dating, you’re safe here, nothing is going to happen, you’re not at hydra anymore"

His brows relax, still staring at you waiting for you to continue.

"Its 2022, we are all safe, you’ve been out for several years, you are not the winter soldier, you are Bucky, my Bucky"

You can see his eyes shift to his hands as if he’s thinking deeply, trying his best to take in everything you say, trying to save all the warmth of your voice in his mind, the way it resonates from your chest tells him that he’s home, he just needs a moment, some time to collect himself, to let himself think clearly.

The screaming anxiety, rush to run to save himself inside his head silences when you stand, this is a big risk you’re taking but you have a feeling it'll help,  something you remember Steve telling you about when he had helped Bucky during one of these episodes.

His mind isn’t going to visually remember you but touch is something else.

You hold both of your palms upwards for him, but winter-Bucky, someone who was used and abused as a killing machine right now in the moment flinched back like a scared puppy. This definitely helped you determine when the flashbacks had taken his mind.

He reluctantly placed his right hand in yours, the fear and pain his left arm brought him very obvious. The shame of what he’d done, all washing away when your touch cascade from his hand to his arm and back down to his fingertips, taking his left hand in your own and doing the exact same thing but this time tracing the groves in his arm.

Lacing your fingers into his, he closes his fist around yours, watching as the plates of the vibranium shift and fall into place, the fact he can feel everything, the sensations that tell his brain you’re warm, warm is safe and safe is home.

You lead him to standing, his mind in this moment a broken soldier, home from the war, his eyes hold a righteous version of despair, he hated it, despised every second of the harm he had to do, no wonder Steve hated bullies. The war is his mind, four different Bucky's.

James Buchanan Barnes 'jerk, punk' Bucky, sergeant Barnes, winter soldier, and your Bucky, each one leading to how he responds to your actions.

The times melt away, he’s right here with you, your Bucky is closest.

Opening your arms you falls to your arms, jagged broken sobs, confusion, regret, fear, shame and so much more, but he’s here, sobbing silently, hardly giving himself a moment to breathe, your warmth even just in your eyes makes now fall back completely into place.

He’s still utterly fragile, his mind still at risk of faltering in consciousness.

《~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~◇~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~》

The rest of that day he spent wrapped up in your arms, there wasn’t much he could do without his brain trying to destroy all efforts he’s made since hydra. "Hey love? Do you want me to sleep in here with you or go back to my room?"

He thinks for a moment weighing everything, all he wants to say is 'tonight i need you to stay' but he doesn't want to cause anymore problems than he already feels he has, "I’m okay, ill be fine once I’m asleep."

"Alright you just let me know if you need me and ill be there, i promise" nodding,  he wasn’t really going to, of course not, he’s a grown man, he can do this himself, he doesn't need to burden others with his fragile life.

《~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~◇~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~》

When everyone had gone to sleep it surprisingly didn't take too long for him to follow suit, a light dreamless slumber, short lasted when outside comes a crash of thunder, that shouldn't scare him, it never has but because he was much higher in elevation than where he would have been during his years of normalcy and his followed ones at hydra, thunder this loud shook his bones, the same way the recoil of a gun happened to.

He shoots up in bed, he can’t let it happen again, "c'mon James get it together, your fine, its just thunder, you’re a grown man time to act like one" he mumbles out to himself, getting up to close his window, going over to his mini fridge and getting a water he walks back and forth in the room reminding himself of everything you and Steve have told him.

He had no idea you could hear him next door, you get up leaving your room, knocking on his door he quickly opens it and lets you inside.

"Did the thunder wake you?" He pulls you into his chest, instantly taking a caring role, you shake your head, "i could hear you berating yourself, its okay to feel what you’re feeling, its okay to fall apart and let others put you back together" he places a deeply loving kiss to your lips, interrupting you.

" i Don't want to have to call you in the nighttime, you need your sleep

Don't wanna give you all my pieces

Don't wanna hand you all my trouble

Don't wanna give you all my demons, you have your own traumas, your own struggles i cant just drown you in my own, i should be used to them they shouldn't be able to drag me down" he chokes on each word he states, he feels like he doesn't deserve it, doesn't deserve kindness, his eyes wilt away from your own

Taking his face between your hands you make him look at you "I don’t want to watch you struggle

From several rooms away tonight I'll be here to stay, I’m here whenever. Because I love you "

《~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~♡~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~》

Okay so i changed my method of writing it, i didn't wanna make people cry

#bucky fluff #bucky imagine #bucky x gn!reader #bucky x reader #bucky fanfic #bucky headcanon #bucky x y/n #bucky x female reader #bucky x male reader #bucky x reader headcanon #bucky x you #bucky x reader angst #bucky x reader fluff #angst with a happy ending #angst comfort #bucky reader insert #october writings by ace #gonna break your heart cause im me and than also fix it cause i like comfort fics

[autisticbokutoenthusiast]

pit babe ep 7 stray thoughts

- way made him feel undeserving of love….

- so jeff is like that cause he’s plagued by visions..

- ok now i get the peteway posts. oh ways pathetic nature and whiny bitch demeanor have captivated pete body and soul

- oh way might be my little meow meow of the show

- oh god oh fuck i might be a peteway boy

- kim needs to kiss winner to shut him up

- omg person who hurt protagonist was antagonist pikachu surprise face

- scream this is so dramatic. the scheming it’s all coming together (also peep kentakim this is for you le trash prince)

- ok so this is where we find out tony wants to sell babe for bitching

- AH CHARLIES THERE THE DRAMA

- do they know charlie’s powers also who WAIT IS THIS A NUTHPHOP BALLADnvm just sounded like ambivalent thoughts

- way seems happy i don’t trust this. is he about to break

- oh he is oh no it’s babe. oh i think someone’s gonna ugly cry it can go either way at this point. babe sweeeeep

- oh… maybe i don’t want this babe babe nooooooo nooooooo. oh he’s gonna close his heart off to other people now isn’t he oh fuck noooooooo SOMEONE STOP HIS THOUGHT LROCESS PPLEASE

- i don’t understand ways face here i need subtitles but for facial expressions

- oh poor puppy

- does anyone know if they make the music in house

- this ep might be my fav so far….

- is way an omega y’all

- there’s been a shift in babe…. i can’t explain it but something changed in the last 20 min

- babe being an easy cryer is so important to me actually

- ooo surveillance being a theme again lets goooo

- SCREAM CHARLIE BACKSTORY AND MOTIVSTION OH GOD ITS HAPOENING EVERYBODY STAY CALM STAY FUCKING CALM

- charlie trauma enthusiasts let’s gooooo

- tony is so fucking evil i hope charlie rips his face off

- how wild would it be if winner was an enigma. like he’s not but could you imagine

- actually i need kenta to rip tony’s face off

- does charlie know about his power. does anyone

- babe looking like a wet feral cat i need to lie down

- SCREAM HE JUST FLAT OUT TELLS BABE LIKE THAY?!,!?!?! like i’d be scared to get punched like ???? it’s wild he just flat out says i took your power like wow i thought he’d lie at least a little

- these flashbacks can never be happy can they… always gotta leave you horny and destroyed

- charlie being like “don’t worry i can fix this. if you want i can just kill myself” like broooooo

- scream do you think charlie woke up one day like “damn he smells fine today” skejdjfjejrjr

- “can mama not break up with papa 🥺” “ 😒😑😩 fine”

- honestly i get babe if someone took away my sensory issues id still fuck them. much more enthusiastically then before probably. i get him now liking kissing too like this makes perfect sense to me

- oh way….. oh god this pathetic man nothing can go right for him ever ima creaming

- i also get babe because charlie is so cute id fold immediately like so what you stole my super powers look at your cutie patootie self how could i stay mad

- oh here we go car sex scene- are they talking about booty holes rn is this happening on my screen… good for them

- oh way… i’m so sorry my baby boy im so sorry… honestly he’s stronger than me i would’ve been throwing shit THE BOUQUET

- ok so are the only ones with special powers jeff babe and charlie (and way ??)

- NORTHSONIC these absolute clowns. does he not understand adoption i love him. nosrthdaonic aenwwvehtjrngn l. what are these two talking about. way omega confirmation ????

- sonic get your boy on a leash his poor impulse control and lack of common sense is staggering

- kim kinda right like let him cook oh ew fuck tony for that too

well what an ep

#abe watches #pit babe the series

[storiesofsvu]

happy thursday hoes. time for some law and some order

Well fuck…what an opening..

“but there are definitely still traces of blood” girl… that hammer is COATED wtf…

I would like to point out that the way Kate runs her squad is the legit way that squads run. The CO (whether it be captain, lieutenant or sarge) is gonna stay in the office, they’re piled up with paperwork, the brass, putting out fires, they’re not out in the field…. Like svu. Ugh. I’m already not prepared for svu tonight, I’ve been watching through velasco’s eps and his older seasons were so good, esp compared to this year…

So we’re really doing this Ukraine surrogate/adoption plot line again, hey?

(I mean it is slightly different so far but like, it’s the same idea, right lol)

Samantha crushing it in the wardrobe dept as per usual

I like this new DA so much more than mccoy. Sorry not sorry.

I haven’t been paying too much attention to what’s going on (surprise) BUT, wtf does this case have to do with the grand jury that was taking place at the beg of the ep? With the girl all “he doesn’t know I’m here, right?” like, that girl was the murder vic? Or am I on crack? What is the connection?!

Uugggh… saaaammm my baby just needs a HUUUGGG

Okay, im actively not watching Toronto, see ya in an hour for svu.

Starting off with some personal, at home comfort. This is what we’ve been asking for forever (now give us rollisi at home pls).

OHHH GOD WHY ARE WE ALREADY BACK TO THE MADDIE SHIT FFS.

“I googled you”

Oh booooyyy are we in for it now. HOW MUCH DOES NOAH KNOW?! CAUSE LORD KNOWS HE PROBABLY FELL DOWN A PIT OF NEWS ARTICLES.

NO

WHY

WE DO NOT NEED TO BRING WL BACK TO THIS SHIT LET US HAVE SOME PEACE PLS.

Okay so we finally did get noah discovering where he came from. Woof.

Olivia kinda sucks at parenting sometimes. Like… he’s a kid, he’s an *adopted* kid who already knows about gramma Sheila and ellie… he’s gonna be curious, he’s gonna wonder, also what kid HASN’T snooped through their parents private things? Like yeah it’s not ideal… it’d be best for him to ask you a question and you slowly reveal into things or whatever but we all know she just would’ve shut him down right away anyways.

Lowkey love those heart lights in noahs room, ngl.

I’m not gonna lie. If it was olivia I’d be more concerned about him knowing/reading about William lewis and all the shit that went down than finding out johnny d was his dad…

You know what I think? I think this would be a great time to call you bestie amanda and have her over for a bottle of wine while you talk this through and see what jessie knows about her dad/how amanda’s gonna approach that. Also like, does billie just think sonny’s her dad or does she know? LOL. But will that happen? Obviously not.

Okay you know what, carisi is the second best bet so I’ll take this.

Olivia really needs to catch a fucking break

Carisi you sit like a whore. But we already knew that.

Is there not a way to trace this call? Or like, I know the phone is about to die but like…find my iphone even works on dead phones…use the stepmoms phone rn to find out where she is. Easy fix. Use your brains.

Man… parents on these shows are always so fucking trusting of their kids and they think they know everything about them. Like...what world are we living in?

Awweeee lil carisi back in cop mode!

Girl… you barely looked in that one, that’s not clear

Me: where do I know this actor playing the step mom from?

Checks imbd: ah. She’s been on svu as a diff character before. Of course.

We love a good parent who immediately offers up all their money to pay ransom of their kids bff with no question.

I swear to god it wasn’t raining 5 seconds ago.. I get that these are likely filmed on diff days but that really came outta nowhere

Olivia’s drenched and velasco’s barely wet… wtf lol

Oh god she’s really about to go feral isn’t she?  Like, even velasco’s nervous af.

That’s exactly what I knew he was gonna say. Like, liv should’ve just said she was dead.

Okay what about the other three perps? Where are they?

JESUS FUCK. Velasco… be mean to me. yell at me.. degrade me. jfc.

Okay I love that when she told Velasco to put the perp in her car he was all “uh… that a good idea boss?” kinda unsure thing but as soon as she started going feral he was just all “yup. Okay. I know how to do this.” And was totally on board. That’s my boi

“youre lucky im not in IAB anymore” damn right bitch.

That’s a cozy ass looking sweater liv has on and I want it

He already knows about ellie…why are we starting there?

I can’t wait until this conversation sparks a “hey… can we go see grama Sheila? Is she still sick?” and liv THEN has to explain that gramma Sheila is in fact in JAIL because she kidnapped him

Okay… that episode was honestly really good. It was a nice balance of the at home/personal lives and the case.

OC time.

Pls god have a last time on cause I do not remember what was happening… baby bro joe was doing heroine? That’s all I remember

Is this his apartment or elliots apt? it looks similar but also I like it better lol.

Bernie is a blessing to this show.

Elliot all “an intervention?” as if they didn’t host one for him like two years ago?

Also I JUST watched the ep with Muncy’s brother this week and that actor is baby boy joe stabler so this is throwing me off.

Is this an apt or a hotel? CAUSE ITS GORGEOUS!! HOW TF ARE THESE STABLER MEN AFFORDING THIS SHIT IN NYC?!

 “we don’t do that…” jet. Another fucking legend on this show

SO glad Bell’s back.

Clearly im not paying attention to this ep in case anyone’s wondering (and yes, it is because it’s a stabler ep…)

Leave it to stabler to be there less than 5 mins before beating someone

OH MY GODDDDD BELL LOOKS SO FUCKING GOOD IN THAT BLUE SHIRT

Thank god bell had bobby with her cause homegirl had a cane last week, there’d be no way she should be on a foot chase rn. Lol

Omg jet and bobby UC yet AGAIN. I fucking love it.

Jet being absolutely the person that likely annoys the hell outta her, love that. 

#law and order svu #svu #law and order #law and order special victims unit #law and order spoilers #spoilers #svu spoilers #law and order organized crime

[sadisthetic]

jaya string of fate au

ive mentioned string of fate au a few times here. ive finally put it together into a post. okay so the reason why ive taken so long to transfer this is bc ITS FROM JULY OF LAST YEAR. i wasnt sure if i should lightly edit it or rewrite it. because it started out as me complaining about rebooted and then me fucking craving fanfiction and hurt (i do this 24/7) and then it morphed into this au that also doubled as character/relationship analysis and me fixing rebooted with my bare fucking hands in the context of this au

anyways. jaya string of fate au with emphasis on the heartbreak of s3. half of this was written half a year ago. man i was so mad about s3 back then lol

been thinking about s3 again. whats even more frustrating about the bad het drama. is that they didnt even give jay and nya a proper break up. granted their get together wasnt on screen either BUT IF YOURE GONNA OH SO RUDELY TEAR THEM APART LIJE THAT. THE LEAST YOU CAN DO IS DO IT WITH MORE FUCKING PURPOSE. THE WRITERS JUST PITCHED A WRENCH INTO THE WORKS AT BULLET SPEED JUST BECAUSE! JUST BECAUSE THEY WANTED DRAMA. BUT FOR WHAT!!!!!!!!! MAKES ME FUCKING MAD!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALL IT DID IS DO JAY DIRTY AND NYAS CHARACTER DIRTY

nyas fucking integrity spit on. you didnt have to make her be like that. it just really fucking made her look BAD. god i wont say jay was a perfect boyfriend but he didnt deserve THAT.

anyways. i want a canon compliant jaya breakup fic set in s3 (present jem speaking: I STILL WANT THIS BY THE WAY.) im so certain nobody has written this. i think heartbreak could be a form of whump if you make it hurt enough.

well. technically. it would be more emotional hurt fic rather than whump. but im a guy who has his definitions twisted. this is whump to me. also im a guy who thinks unromantic things as romantic but also loves love thats void of romance above anything else. i can do both. anyways.

i want jay to feel absolutely crushing heartbreak. i want jay to be hurt. i want him to feel it in his chest. unfairness— rending, jealousy— twisting, want— squeezing. all he yearns for is to be with nya. because he loves her. but apparently... nya doesnt feel the same way. and it hurts

i want to consume heartbreak. i think itll be crunchy on the outside but soft and squishy on the inside. absolute chewable pleasure. lightly salty and bittersweet. i also wanna squeeze jays heart like a stress ball and maybe cause arrhythmia. scratch it a little (a lot). jay is my emotional and physical fucking chew toy

and so to make heartbreak a bit more whumpy tho... i thought up of red string of fate au...

in this version of this concept, the red string of fate is something that needs to be tied by the pair together. and the feelings behind it is what gives the string color. but sometimes if a love is fated to be, the red of the string is instantly, intensely vibrant, almost glowing 

but you dont know who your soulmate is until you actually get together and tie the knot. it is not preexisting, the string does not connect people together for them to find each other before they even know the other exists. it only exists when two people make the decision to bind each other to themselves. most people dont find their soulmate but because its so often the case ppl are content with someone who isnt bc you dont need to find love in your soulmate alone, love is abundant in other places. but that isnt to say the red string of fate isnt romanticized in society tho. anyways. nya likes jay and their string is a pleasant warm red thats a little pink. its typical color for those who arent soulmates but its ok

jay is a little smitten in a slightly overbearing way tho. i think they are a couple who are a little bit mismatched in terms of showing affection. and also nya is very independent type so jays chivalrous tendencies grates on her a little but she lets it slide bc to her, jays positives outweigh his negs. hes cute and funny and they both can geek out and bond over tech stuff. thats a part of the fun. 

but then the match maker thing happens and nya doesnt immediately start considering cole as a romantic interest. but she does start... considering things tho. why cole could be her match. and if he really is her soulmate. why isnt jay her perfect match? its less nya becoming interested in someone else and more nya examining herself to think about what she actually wants for herself and what she wants in a person and if jay really isnt the right guy for her in the end. she doesnt know if cole would actually give her what she wants more than jay does. but she does grow more aware of the mismatch between her and jay

but before anything could be done about her doubts and dismiss it all and just carry on with their relationship, jay finds out in the trailer and is devastated. and intensely jealous of cole.. because hes been a bit insecure about his and nyas relationship for a while now also. he jumps the gun too quick before nya could reassure him so then that Fight happens and things get messy and ugly really fast. jay makes himself look really bad in front of nya which unfortunately reinforces her doubts in jay and she thinks. maybe they shouldnt be together after all. 

and so one night nya talks to jay alone. she explains herself. how shes been feeling about them. how she wants to focus on herself. and that hes too much for her and hes stifling her and she thinks it would be better if they cut things off and go back to being friends. and then she cuts the string that binds them together before jay could even object. it stings for nya but for jay it feels like his heart was sliced in two. literally. he feels a sharp pain that makes him clutch his chest. for nya, she had more time to process the severance. because she was sorta falling out of love for a while. her side of the string has become desaturated and dull. which is why she doesnt hurt as much

she doesnt realize how much jay truly loves her and how much it would hurt him when the string was cut. so when jay falls to his knees, tears falling, she just turns and walks away because she thinks its just from the heartbreak. she knew she was breaking jays heart

she doesnt realize how much hes literally hurting, how she left his heart bleeding. she knew but she didnt know. its most painful experience jay has ever felt in his life. a searing ache. theres a sudden painful void instead where there once was nyas love. its loss that was much too abrupt

heartbreak cant kill a person but it can leave them wounded. and with an abrupt disconnection like that, its why jay hung onto those feelings for nya for months after even tho he never acted on them. his half of the string refused to wither away and he didnt want to discard it either. how could he when he still loved nya. but he couldnt do anything about it though. nya made up her mind. and jay knew her well enough that she would probably hate him more if he chased after her. and so... he kept his feelings close to his chest and his sad, loose thread wrapped around his finger tight all the way until skybound...

—

okay. now present day jem speaking. that was the end of original story i had written on twitter... its meant to be a missing scene (inbetween seasons) fic + au. canon compliant except for the fact its set in this au. so skybound more or less carries out the same way. except minor details being changed...

such as nadakhan approaching jay. he tells him he cannot fix or create strings of fate. but he can give him other means of winning nyas heart... 

although this isnt a part of the “fic” i do imagine at the end of their divorce era.... nya who had casted away her old string, remakes her string to tie to the end of jays (and her) old one where she cut in. the thing is making strings of fate is something anyone can do regardless of being fated to be or not. what the string of fate is in this au is more of an oath... an intention to be together to the end of time. the two people are choosing to bind their fate to each other. nya, who had felt stifled in a relationship and decided she didnt need to be in one back all the months ago, realized something in skybound.... the string of fate isnt a contract or a shackle. not like how she thought... its a sentiment of how much you care about somebody to want to be connected forever. till death do us part. and jay very sincerely wanted that. he wanted to be with nya forever. and nya realizes... despite all his flaws, she really cares about him. she does want to be with him forever. she wants to be together with everyone, all her friends, her family forever. i think she doesnt know the nature of her feelings for jay. they are a bit conflicted and shes not sure how to sort out her desires from her feelings. but i think she decides to give jay a second chance of sorts. when they tie the loose ends the color on nyas side is an ambiguous grey barely tinging pink 

she tells jay she doesnt want to just get back together. she wants them to start over. and jay isnt sure what that means. and by the color of the string hes not sure if it means theyre dating again either. its a very ambiguous ground theyre standing on. but... jay takes the fact that nya retied their string to mean something. that nya isnt rejecting him anymore. that she cares. that he means something to her. it gives jay hope. his feelings for her havent changed... but he decides that to just be. and take things slow. hes happy even if hes confused by what nya wants. hes connected to her again.... and that means so much to jay

i think that their relationship from the end of skybound and onward is a bit more slowburn. well its a weird sorta slowburn. because theyre together but not really. its about them figuring their relationship out. and also nya falling back in love for reals. i love navigation of ambiguous relationships. i think for a while for nya the term “girlfriend”/“boyfriend” is more loaded than the term “soulmate”. thats how fucking weird their relationship got. whats not ambiguous is that nya does love him. she wouldnt have retied their string if she didnt. whats ambiguous is the nature of that love.... its not quite platonic but shes hesitant to call it romantic. whatever. they have time to figure it out

okay. that turned out so much more aro than i was intending. but i do like leaving it like that tho. feelings are difficult to navigate arent they sometimes? how they figure it out is up to whoever. love is love. they are more than “just” friends. but romance itself is a difficult and different beast than love. but jay and nya.... they meet halfway somehow. even if it takes a bit of work

ALSO. LOOK AT THIS ART BY DAN @rotten-dan he drew it for me several months ago when i first finished this au’s original thread which ended at the breakup skdjgthulkd. HEARTBREAK!!!!!!!!!!! YEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thank you again dan for drawing this for me 

—

also. heres some bonus supplemental worldbuilding that doesnt pertain to story stuff but fleshes out how i picture the world in this au to work. most of this was written to answer dans questions about this au lol... not necessary to read unless if youre interested in my take of string of fate concept lol. or unless youre interested in the bit about bruiseshipping in this au at the very end

-

the string is often attached to the ring finger. so its a very romantic gesture when couples tie it together to each others fingers. like putting wedding rings on each other but its more of a cute fluffy thing rather than binding. not ceremony but its a Thing. its the same level of formality as asking someone out. and string is like. supernatural. its not completely physical but its definitely exists and can be touched. but not as if a literal string is tied to them if you know what i mean? like if the pair are far apart then the strings middle isnt visible but the ends that are tied floats towards the direction of their partner. the string is like. metaphysical. its a perceivable, somewhat tangible representation of love

but if desired the string can be cut if the parties want to separate. but it usually hurts. like a lot of breakups do.

okay so. the thing is with like. almost all soulmate aus. is that they know about their soulmate. or that the evidence of who it is is instantly visible. and like..... that sorta kills part of the fun? of falling in love?

so what if they dont know until they decide to try each other out first. thats the like. the thought behind the set up for this

like. theres sometimes the occasional dumbass whos going off constantly try to find their soulmate but ultimately a soulmate isnt someone you can simply Search for and find. so those kind of people end up being pricks who never will find a soulmate in their life because they dont want to work things out with ppl who arent their soulmate. the pursuit of a soulmate will usually end in disappointment

but sometimes. for the people who do find their soulmate. its because they gravitated to each other in the first place. 

like they fell in love with each other naturally. they liked the person for who they are. and so they decided to get together because they enjoy the other person so much. so when they realize they are meant to be they laugh like oh of course! they were meant to be. theyre like the hallmark movie couple of couples and the few of the very lucky ones

not being soulmates doesnt mean you can only fall in love with your soulmate tho. you can fall in love with anyone. regardless of whether theyre your soulmate or not. and even if theyre not. why does that fucking matter? the important thing isnt that they arent meant to be, but that they love each other anyways. isnt that more romantic? fuck fate the one i love is you

usually nonsoulmate relationship take more work. because the instant perfect chemisty of fated couples isnt there. buuuut. isnt that how love is like in reality? love is work sometimes. love is sometimes hard. but love is also worth it. so making the decision to work for it is more easy the more youre in love. not always the case. but in the healthy couples its usually the case

previously that the feeling behind the thread gives it its color. so. the string can end up being a different color if the feelings felt arent romantic love. most people dont know this though bc ppl who usually tie it are couples. and also it takes both of them to tie the string. every single relationship has a theoretical string color. its just most people who actually want the string are couples usually couples. and so for example, most aros dont ever even think of trying to tie it with someone bc they dont want that kinda bind. but if a curious aro wants to try it out bc they are questioning about their best friend if the two of them agree just to see. their string could actually be a different color than red. because the feelings behind it are platonic

its also entirely possible for a string to be entirely black between enemies hfhjskl. but however those kind of pair would usually NEVER tie the string together bc you know hbghsk. enemies. but if they were. it would be that color. but maybe some insane enemies who are obsessed with each other would do it tho. you know fated enemies and such

..... i have thoughts about bruiseshipping in this au also. theyre best friends, they can bind each other if they wanted to. they have the mutual sentiment required to. but due to the culture surrounding the red string of fate specifically, they never think to. even if they did consider it once they didnt ever bring it up bc awkward!!!!!! the string of fate is the symbol of love. couples treat it a bit frivolously but it is a loaded thing. the string of fate is conversely isnt strictly about love but its just often the case when you want to connect the souls of two people for eternity its usually because of love. theoretically i think their string color would actually oscillate between black and their standard representative color (maybe ill go with light blue lol....) depending on if theyre fighting or not. because it would be funny if it did. also. i think they might try it only after jay and nya retie their string of fate. because then they see its an option to tie strings of fate nonromantically. so theyre like... hey.... do you wanna like... just see? and thats that. two besties bound. jay has two strings of fate now

hysterically it would be funny if all the ninjas did it to each other. it would be a mess. but a colorful one. you know those ship charts where ppl draw lines for their otps and notps. its like that but its not shipping its just relationships and also every single person is connected to every single other person. not saying it has to happen in this au its just that the image of it is so fucking funny to me i had to say it. it would be useful tho if they wanted to find each other wherever they are. practical

maybe they should do that. idk

anyways. thats the end of my au. the post is longer than my og thread of it hjhklkjlkghjf. anyways. thats my weird subversion of string of fate au for jaya. writing the endgame jaya part tonight made think again. damn. im so fucking aro. i think the way i write romance always turn out not so romantic because of it. but also. THIS IS PEAK ROMANCE. SUBVERT BORING ROMANCE TROPES INTO SOMETHING LESS AMATANORMATIVE AND MORE INTERESTING FOR YOUR ENRICHMENT. I RECOMMEND IT. ITS MORE FUN. thats my biased aro ass speaking tho. but for reals. subvert tropes. find out what makes something truly romantic. anyways thanks for reading all of this. i am very fond of this au..... especially for the breakup scene lol...............

#my concepts #jaya #jem.txt #ninjago talk #its shorter than hanahaki au at least #also this is THE MOST aro take on string of fate possible #there might be typos it is 5:30am #ninjago

[jess-themess05]

I posted 901 times in 2022

That's 901 more posts than 2021!

117 posts created (13%)

784 posts reblogged (87%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@theohnocorral

@basyacriptid

@lovelymoonmagic

@ice-reblogs

I tagged 778 of my posts in 2022

Only 14% of my posts had no tags

#fnaf sun - 186 posts

#fnaf security breach - 179 posts

#fnaf daycare attendant - 167 posts

#fnaf moon - 159 posts

#fnaf - 123 posts

#beloved mutuals - 69 posts

#mutual shenanigans - 63 posts

#fnaf security breach au - 48 posts

#fnaf au - 38 posts

#fnaf eclipse - 34 posts

Longest Tag: 127 characters

#despite probably putting the fear of god in everyone who came across you admitting to have drunk fire starter and sulfuric acid

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

tehehe yes spider lmao

Actually im shoked I didn't saw anyone draw him like that before, bc he is litteraly

CREATUR CRAWLING ON WALLS AND HIS WIRE IS LITTERALY LIKE SPIDER WEB!!!

hmm

checks out.

53 notes - Posted October 27, 2022

#4

oh hey a finished art piece

wow would ya look at that

in case you’ve never heard of this fanfic tHIS

this is the bug love fanfic! by @theohnocorral respectfully

this is just my interpretation of him, but of course he has a more official design hehe

my next plan of action is moon man!! he’s a gosh darn moth :)

extras down below!

See the full post

141 notes - Posted September 23, 2022

#3

See the full post

398 notes - Posted September 10, 2022

#2

Favorite fics?

oh geez. i’m gonna try keep it sweet and simple less i go on and make it unbearable to read. also these summaries are gonna be terrible but i think all of these are gonna be fnaf sun and moon fics i’m SORRY ITS IN MY HEAD BUT ANYWAYS- SHORT N SWEET LES GO

A Dose of Sunshine and Starlight - @give-me-your-monsters a slow burn w/ lots of angst and bittersweet-ness aww but you are all mentally ill.

Bug Love - @theohnocorral the boys are now bug-ified gods and take a liking to a mortal who probably apologies to inanimate objects

Universal Jesters - @lovelymoonmagic you accidentally become the handler to pair of bots with memory loss and mystery trauma

it was, in reality, not fine - @bones-of-a-rabbit you, the reader, have the self preservation skills as a bowl of soup. also oblivious to love hehe

Late Night to Early Morning - Loyal_Backstabber reader meets neglected robot clowns and vows to risk their life for them

Solar Lunacy - @bamsara its- ITS SOLAR LUNACY. anyways you meet certified murder robots and say i can fix em, they’re gonna fix u too.

copper cogs rusted through - @paper-lilypie “oh what’s this, one of these jesters tried killing me? eh it’s fine” then you fall in love

Rotating Shifts - LightningTriceratops protag mistakes sun for unconscious, jaundice ridden man and realizes he’s a robot with a not dead brother and separation anxiety

basically ANYTHINGGG by @naffeclipse , but the first story i ever read from them was In Deep Dreams Between the Waves very different fro, eclipse in sleuth jesters cause he’s actually decent. (also poor vanessa girl don’t get a break)

Clowning Around - EngageSage you overcome your anxiety to protect a poor jester, and are fueled by spite to fuck up moon man for being a certified bitch

Celestial hearts in a purple mind - @kabra-malvada *finds ominous object* *touches it* *is shocked to find they are possessed*

Twin Animatronics With Too Much Time on Their Hands - @twinanimatronics & @dana-chan-the-control-brain you fall in love and fight the temptation to resurrect a dead dude and kill him again

The Night Shift - @certified-handler oopsie you now work with a needy jester who sweeps you off your feet, even more oopsie he turns into a psychopath when the lights go out and triple oopsie you fall in love with HIM too

Star Crossed Souls - @faz-friendly-light-up-shoes reader said “god give me a sign i’ll find love.” gets the sign, and ignores it

404: Personal Space Not Found - CrazedAuthor anxiety filled individual thinks they will be fixed by a child supervisor, gets surprised by his stab happy twin

Celestial Syzygy - @echoingkarma you’re like the jack of all trades, including befriending animatronics who may or may not hate you (and want to maim you) you are probably underpaid.

My Neighbor Mr. Roboto - @kagedbird oh what’s this? you think moving into your new apartment will be simple and boring? WRONG there’s a robot in your closet. and everywhere- why are there so many-

Apology Flowers and Blooming Hours - @daunsun you’d think sentient flowers would have no angsty backstory huh? well actually...

Our Orbit is Elliptical - @sycopomp like your intrusive thoughts came to life, and you choose to ignore them

Lost and Found - SmolShampoo technology is so cool right guys? you got ai, and that ai can get traumatized! how cool??

Stare at the Abyss; It Might Look Back - @characcoon reader becomes a human punching bag and finds new rusty robot roommates. once they escape a deteriorating child’s play place they walked into

Ventura Highway - @madamemiz says “hey is anyone gonna take this robot?” and doesn’t wait for an answer.

Repaired Unstable - @blonde-fraumell you decide to work alongside your childhood friend! oh how non threatening he was- hey why’s this man TEN FEET TALL. and why’s this other man so kickable.

also, obligatory mer may fics! even though it’s no longer may these are still being updated :D

Luminescent Charm - @finfiprince reader finds the fishy dudes they saved as a kid in a cage, continues to spite god until they can save them

Celestial Omens (that really like Fishsticks) - @bamsara (again yes) you save two scared bastard fish and feed them in your bathroom, a decade later they see u and go “well they gave us fishsticks no drowning for them”

See the full post

441 notes - Posted October 8, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

guess who made one of those ask game things :] yknow cause why not

you know the drill

10,538 notes - Posted October 17, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

hey look it’s

it’s the thing!

i forgot i had this in my drafts

#i am actually very glad i joined the hellsite this year #all of the super talented folks (some of which i’m friends with now :D) #are all great and it’s awesome to see #there’s also just the mutuals on here i’ve made #lots of shenanigans. many fights. many possessions. many weddings. #hell IM gonna get married #how cool is that!! #tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #thank you tumblr for reminding me of that time lily got accused of crushing on bees #i fortunately forgot #basically it’s just been nice being on here :] #thank you for listening to my rambles lovely’s #AYY I JUST NOTICED HOW MANY TAGS THE BELOVED MUTUALS HAS #nice

[tincanton]

my thoughts on jrwi ep 110 :DD

- THEY FUCKING EXPLODED????

- NOT THE FUCKING STICK FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU

- LET THEM HAVE THE STICK YOU MONSTER

- honestly glad chip cant get another deal because thats double fucked

- erm i dont think you should let niklaus decide when the dread queen comes back maybe its just me but that seems. KINDA BAD :DD

- dude not. dont call him papa possibility :((

- CAPTAIN ROSE CAUSED IT??????

- THE STICK 😭😭😭

- yeah chip lost something valuable alright THE STICK. oh yeah and his heart too I Guess 🙄🙄

- [looking at his exploded friends] u alright? ._.

- theyre speaking spanish :> my beloveds.

- augh chip and queen hug :(( i love them so much :(( also WWHO TF IS QUEEN need their backstory asap

- OH MY GOD AAAUGH THE REFERENCE

- "nice forearms. and nicer staff :))" "did you just walk up and say that to me???" 😭😭 (did not even listen to the entirety of the old campaign) (like one episode at most)

- "M̶͈͉̌͐Y̵̼̆͂ ̵͕͆͆T̸̩͖͌͆I̶̘̐̇M̸̭̲̔̇E̵̯̜̍͒ ̶̝̀H̴̲̹͊͌Ą̷͌̅Ș̴̛̉ ̴͚͝Ċ̴̬O̷̻͚̊̕M̴̲̭͐̉Ë̷̢͉́͘.̶͈̰͐̀" "should we call them back who was that :}" gilly my silly 

- awh chip and jay conversation :(( jay feeling guilty because chip had his heart taken away because she didnt get her limbs taken off (girl its okay nobody wants to be amputated) and chip reassuring her that its fine even though its definitely not fine

- get that leg fixed goddamn. dont hide it no-

- Tree Powers Activate >:D [tree powers do not activate]

- "that barrel you sleep in? thats made of trees!" "but... it doesnt have any branches..." 

- starts weeping sexily

- what is happening. i cant keep up with their silly banter this is so funny help

- "H̴͔͌͊Ę̵̢̂̔Ẻ̴̯E̷͓̓͛Y̸̱͂͑Y̴̤̹̅Ỹ̷̧̪Y̷̘̆͝Y̷͓̙͆." "omg i didnt know you were chill like that."

- idk if anyone noticed but gillion is my silly. my favorite little guy if you will. gilly. he is my everything. he is bantering with a tree.

- HELP JAY AND CHIP ARE JUST STANDING THERE

- GOD DONT LET GILL ASK THE TREE AHAHAHHSHDHSHD

- "do u like blue color or red color more?? :∆"

- HOW MANY TREES ARE THERE??? NONONONONO GILLY DONT DO IT-

- "what do they call you?" "how long until you die :3"

- HELP GILLION WIKI. LISTENING TO JRWI IN PUBLIC IS SO HARD IM SO GLAD I HAVE A MASK BECAUSE I CANT STOP SMILING OMG

- Gillion Motherfucking Titty Sucking Tidestrider

- omg the prophecy lore pls i need the truth too

- i did not understand any of that but cool

- "who are you without your titles?" "i dont know" ow. okay.

- god i hate how jrwi can go from so funny to so emotional so quickly. i love it. i hate it.

- albatrio my beloved. my found family

- "if the world explodes, at least we get exploded together :))" aw... i think...

- "what do you see in these fishy eyes 0-0" "what color are gills eyes?" "Bloo :]"

- GRAGHH GILL ASKED WHAT THEY SEE IN HIM. THEY SEE A FRIEND. THEY SEE FAMILY. THEY SEE A GOOD PERSON. HURGH. IM GONNA THROW UP. THEY SEE SOMEONE WHO WILL LAUGH WITH THEM WHEN THEYRE IN DANGER. GOD IM GONNA BE SICK.

Gill: What if there's nothing?

Jay: Have you enjoyed it?

Gill:  I think I had a pretty rough start, but yeah. Even the worse parts. Maybe more than I should have. Yeah I have.

Chip: Then fuck it.

Jay: That's all that matters.

OH SO YOU WANT TO HURT ME. OH SO YOU WANT TO KILL ME.

- "Even if its all inevitable I'm glad we got written in the same story." Dont. Dont do this to me.

- HELP NOT THE INTERVALS OF GILL JUST BREAKING DOWN IN BETWEEN SENTENCES

- NO LITERALLY DO NOT GIVE ANYONE THE DECK OF MANY THINGS PLEASE

- noo haha chip dont pull a card from the deck of many things youre so sexy hahaa (i already made this joke befo

- "gambling is not destiny"

- woah theres a wicked looking sword in the corner

- BABY BLADE????? yeah were movin on.

- dont eat chip's hotmode swords pretty please

- charlie has made nuh uh and yuh huh a part of my vocabulary this sucks

- istg if "it is what it is" becomes the new "it is my destiny".... 

- naw gill trying to defy the gods by not sleeping 😔😔 bbg just go sleep

- they gotta get outta here man i dont wanna know what happens if they get too many corruption points jays ALREADY AT 5...

- WHAT DID THEY DO TO EARL???? HELP LMAO

gill: Oh Well you know if you need anyone Else to cast the spell for you... Maybe theres like a PALADIN or someone-

chip: i can try :))

gill: *fucking leaves*

- chip jumpscaring igneous for a bit is so silly of him please use chip being dead as a prank more lmao 

- hnnghhnghhnb star saying that they have to make their own hope while holding zamia hrrrghhr oh theyre In Love in love

- "Life keeps going on. And so do the holes. In the sea. And they call to us." - Jay Ferin

- "he was there one moment and then he turned to dust and died. Wait im thinking about the tree. Green is fine :))"

- he gave gill his seed. yuh huh. yurp.

- gill has two moms that share custody of him :] and also theyre gods :]

- "i have ceremony prepped if you want to make it official :>" HAHSHAHDHS GILL #1 SUPPORTER OF STAR/ZAMIA FRRR

- ZAMIA BLUSHING PLEASEEE

- BAHAHAHSHSH "not a big deal ive officiated a wedding before :)) NOT THAT IT WAS HONORED 👀😒😒🙄🙄"

- TIL DEATH DO US PART. AND CHIPS DEAD. ALL IT TOOK WAS TAKING CHIPS HEART TO GET DIVORCED.

- "ive seen this before :DD do you guys wanna get married?" lmao so this is why i saw some ship art of chip and igneous.

- "i share my finances with them already [gesturing to gill and jay]" is this supposed to imply that you are married to your captains chip nolastname. chip jrwi. 

- jay: nononono we're not adding another Person to that though. oh so you ARE in a polyamorous relationship huh. huh.

- gill: i never thought of it like that ._. (he was in the poly and he didnt even realize)

- wait so have they just decided that if they both roll nat 20s they would get married. ermm. chip i think you. i think you forgot smth... (/hj)

- chip got 0 game just go to your fish man already

- "as a cleric i feel obligated to stop y" "no dont." "sure ._." dang they really want to go into this hole dont they.

- nonono no mold hallway no please no no

- lol did they just forget to mention the literal teleporter they have that can bring them out of the black sea at any point.

- honestly i love that the riptide pirates are just bad at being pirates. like go off and make friends and throw your money off the ship.

- igneous part of the riptide pirates :DD (literally run away from these dumbasses)

#jrwi #jrwi riptide #jrwi liveblog #sort of #tincantext #jrwi ep 110 #jrwi spoilers #are they spoilers??? #its already been out for like.. 2 months.. #oh well

[lincolndjarin]

hiiiii

im begging you to tag how bks is gonna go on ao3 please i love it sooo much, im so connected and enraptured by your amazing work and im so invested in it, i hold it very dearly to my heart and i feel like i need to prepare myself for the ending. chapter 25 has been on my mind every waking moment and the anxiety is real lol. i love your bks screen adaption and the songs for the final episodes- breaking my heart 💗

hi dearest !!

the last thing i want is for my silly teasers to cause anyone any actual stress. as much as i like having that surprise factor of whats going to happen i dont want people to be worried about future tags so uhhhhh im not exactly sure what the correct way to do this is because also i asked a mutual to proof read upcoming chapters because i genuinely don't know what tags are proper for the ending. but if i've caused any actual distress with bks i'm truly sorry.

i've never been active in any fandom and this is my first story so i'm unfamiliar with fan fic etiquette and things, if i ever do something wrong or just like approach something incorrectly just tell me and i'll fix it !!

that being said, it was never my intent to cause anyone any discomfort with my teasers and stuff. i'm a little disconnected from the bks story bc i know how it ends so i'm genuinely sorry if i upset anyone. if anyone wants the tags and warnings for the last chapters they're under the cut, and i'm sorry i didn't post them sooner.

bks 26, 27, 28, & 29 tags :

pregnancy

referenced torture

probably a little more than canon typical violence

just a general bad vibe like things get rather dark as far as bks goes

major character death

eventual happy ending

eventual parenthood

i said this a while ago but i'm just gonna reiterate once more, there will NEVER be a scene in bks in which kodo forces himself on princess. it's never been that kind of story. he's gross and he's terrible and i've gotten that point across, there's no reason for it, so it won't happen.

#lincolndjarinasks #also sort of a #ro rambles

[nebulein]

it was so good. now im sad. my bbs!!! 🥺🥺🥺🥺

(context)

Sorry, sorry. If you spy the angst tag on my 1988 posts, tread with caution. I just can't seem to help myself 😅 🤷‍♀️

Also warning the below will not entirely fix it but...

Originally the fic concept was supposed to go with a heartbreak ending of one of them leaving and one staying and it's the separation that finally makes them realize how much they depended on the other always being there, even when they were barely speaking, deep down there was always this rock of the other person going through the same things, through thick and thin, the highs and the lows, and now even that is gone. And if you really wanna break your heart, listen to Wrecked or while thinking about this, cause... yeah.

Days pass by and my eyes they dry And I think that I’m okay ‘Till I find myself in conversation fading away The way you smile, the way you walk, The time you took to teach me all that you had taught Tell me how am I supposed to move on These days I’m becoming everything that I hate Wishing you were around but now it’s too late My mind is a place that I can’t escape your ghost Sometimes I wish that I could wish it all away One more rainy day without you Sometimes I wish that I could see you one more day One more rainy day Oh I’m a wreck without you here Yeah I’m a wreck since you’ve been gone I’ve tried to put this all behind me I think I was wrecked all along Yeah I’m a wreck

But. I feel like that ending at least leaves the door kind of open. Maybe this is the darkest valley that they need to go through, the separation they never got that they need to find out who they are on their own, without the other always there. What it means to just be Jonny. To just be Pat. And it hurts at first, boy howdy does it hurt, but sometimes we need to shed the past to find out what we want in life. Jonny gets traded at the deadline, but the Blue Jackets flake out in the second round. Does another stint with the Kraken and then retires at the end because his heart just isn't in it anymore, his body to banged up. Goes on all the yoga retreats he can find, spends some time tanning in Sedona, smokes up in Kathmandu, finds a guru and microdoses on shrooms and finally returns to Canada ready to start the next chapter in his life. Kaner signs another year with the Hawks at a discount that makes everyone lose their marbles, but Pat put down roots, he doesn't want to leave and he likes Richardson, but seeing the C on Seth's chest grates in a way he didn't anticipate and it's hard to break records on a team that can't play its way out of paper bag.

He's gonna become a GM one day, of course. Starts out as player development consultant, works his way up. Maybe takes some MBA classes. Meets Jonny on an stupid alumni golf tournament he got roped into, and it's good but also weird. He can't quite put his finger on it, but Jonny's different. Still the same kind of dry humor and lameass comebacks, still thinks of himself as a way better golfer than he actually is, but when Jonny talks about his travels, about his new endeavors, a clean water project down in Peru and something to do with kites and energy? Pat doesn't know, he wasn't really listening, caught by how the wrinkles on Jonny's face are visible all the time now, not just when he's smiling. But also, he's kind of smiling a lot, looking relaxed in a way that Pat hasn't seen, the tight cast around his mouth that had been there almost 24/7 back when they'd still played on the Hawks together entirely gone, the slant of his shoulders so different from the hunched up Jonny in his memories. He's got a tiny bit of a belly now, which is maybe most surprising of all. It looks good on him, though, gives him a mellowness that wasn't there before.

Jonny's different, is the point, and Kaner finds himself intrigued.

#are they gonna be able to breach the gap the years have created between them? #who knows #they're both different men now in their forties #but the foundations that once drew them together aren't gone - they've just been buried #there's something to build on if they want to #can you tell i've been reading too much damn retirement fic lately #anywhere he's my attempt at a fix it #neb writes #nonnie asks #1988 #hockey husbands #jonathan toews #patrick kane #hockey baby

[frizzy-frizz-frizz]

Okay this is about to be long and I'm very sorry about it

Two birds is so sad but like who is the other bird??? I'm leaning towards jean kind of

AND YES I listened to the melodrama album the same time as I read aftg so liability and Kevin became so so linked in my head like "the only love i haven't screwed up she's so hard to please...one girl swaying alone stroking her cheek" LIKE that one line where Neil is like Kevin is harder on himself than anyone else

Wait for it has only recently been linked to Kevin in my head but "my mother was a genius my father commanded success" "a legacy to protect" also hamilton in this song would be Neil and it works so well??? Dorothea is so very Kevin i don't know who's singing the song it could be andrew/neil/jean but the song's subject?? "a queen selling dreams" "A tiny screen's the only place I see you now" So glad you enjoyed them

Every marina song you mentioned is so so him I agree with every choice like take oh no and are you satisfied and shake them together and you get him at like rock bottom

Also GASOLINE??? like I know the song I was obsessed with badlands but with him???? "Do you tear yourself apart to entertain like me???" "You're part of a machine, you are not a human being

With your face all made up, living on a screen" DO I EVEN HAVE TO SAY ANYTHING THIS SONG WILL BE ON REPEAT FOR A WHILE HOLY SHIT

Afraid?? "When I wake up, I'm afraid

Somebody else might take my place" oh my god?? "And if you leave me, then I'll be afraid of everything" him with andrew??? Hello I cannot take this

Prom queen?? "Turned her tears to diamonds in her crown" got his hand broken and then learned to play with both hands?? Who does it like him??? And then "Dissect my insecurities I'm a defect, surgical project It's getting hard to breathe There's plastic wrap in my cheeks" im obsessed guy grew up in the public eye that's gonna fuck him up so

I can't even pick one line from dare you to doubt me the entire song works so well for him

I HAVEN'T EVEN FINISHED LISTENING TO THE PLAYLIST YET

Young gods from badlands also works if its before he joined the foxes I think

The greatest by sia is so him

Also Gold Rush by taylor swift was actually written for him

The got away from me entirely I'm so sorry

NO NO ITS OKAY you dont need to apologise its such a pleasure to read text walls like this thank you so much :))

(okay this got long i'll put a line break)

Two birds is a kevjean song in my heart cause its just- kevin and jean are so intrinsically tied together, they know each other first and foremost. but the curx of the matter is that kevin had to leave and jean couldnt.

"There's nothing I wont understand" and "I won't let go of your hand" followed by the main verse where kevin is still trying to escape the 'wire' while jean is fixed in place. and they're forced to watch each other from their positions.

and you just know that as kids they swore they'd stay together but the truth is, toward the end of the books, with everything between then they might never play on the same team again. and that is where the song ends almost as abruptly as the books, leaving kevin and jean to build new relationship from the ashes of what they used to have

IM SORRY I JUST HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS ON THIS

"everybody wonders what it would be like to love you" UM?? "what must it be like to grow up that beautiful" this is so him im sobbing. Kevin who grew up in the public image, future of exy, commodified at birth. (Also is it just me or does it feel like neil josten, 'demisexual who never really understood his own attraction' is listening to this while making a kevin day binder on the run?)

I NEED a compilations of close up shots of kevin in the ravens vs foxes game to "the greatest". Seeing him score with his left hand to it would be euphoric. I just know it. oh to be a random exy fan in the aftg universe.

And I've had Dorothea on repeat cause "are you the soul I met under the bleachers?" NEIL REMEMBERING WHAT KEVIN WAS LIKE AS A KID. "......known for who you know, you know you'll always know me". THIS. So many thoughts. so many. I'm screaming its perfect.

ALSO! CONSIDER: "Through the Ghost" by shinedown. the singer wrote it like speaking to his own reflection. "the world will never know you like I do" ITS SO KEVIN I THINK

IM SO GLAD YOU'RE ENJOYING THE PLAYLIST

yes yes you could tell me that kevin day himself wrote 'dare you to doubt me' and 'afraid' and 'believe' and I wouldnt disagree

wow this got long

#sorry lmao #I never get to talk about this #I HAVE EMOTIONS ABOUT HIM #kevin playlist #to my non-aftg mutuals and followers: suffer.

[lawyeryuri]

The heart thing but im not gonna describe how to kill you cause youre a cool mutual however i wanna hear what makes naruto a good anime and also what makes it bad also i wanna hear your favourite headcanons of the guy on your pfp and sakura if you have any

I wanna hear you absolutely infodumps me into oblivion. Obliterate me with your naruto facts, headcanon and whatever in betweens. Take your time to answer this i will be waiting, until that here take this cat with ya ฅ⁠^⁠•⁠ﻌ⁠•⁠^⁠ฅ

(giggles and kicks my feet) thank you so much for this ask!!! ^_^

ok so what makes Naruto a good anime in my opinion are the characters, their emotions and how they relate to one another. (also it's like really gay) Naruto has a pretty big cast and a ton of filler episodes, so a lot of the time, it's used to get into different character combinations, specifically at the end of the original series, with the 80 episode stretch of filler, (honestly a bit excessive) that's basically just naruto hanging out with the other teams. filler is truly a double-edged blade, because if its not good, it is a SLOG... i didn't skip any episodes until like ep 450, where it breaks from the war (exiting, fun, plot-relevant) to cut to a parallel universe retelling of THE ENTIRE SERIES UP TO THAT POINT. it lasts like 20 episodes, and sasuke's a cop (old, dumb, acab)

another gripe i have with Naruto (the show) is best summarized by that post that's like "i miss when naruto ran around and bit people. now he's just a liberal" cause he kind of stops growing as a person at age 16. "as soon as you question your ideals, it's all over" ok buddy. how about you learn and grow with your experiences. other than that that though love the show, though I do think it's an interesting choice to redeem/offer justification for every single (canon) villain in the whole series.

OK my favorite head cannons for rock lee (pfp guy) and sakura... I think that rock lee speaks without contractions because he wants to give every sentence his all, and not take the easy way out. in a filler episode, rock lee builds a training dojo, and I think that's super in character for him, and I bet tenten helped him fix it up, and she's got a tool closet in there or something. I also hc that bor🤢 boruto Era 🤮 lee is like a taijutsu teacher and works with shino. as for sakura, I think she and Lee spar together all the time so she can improve her speed. I also hc her as an aro lesbian because I can #relate to.. the whole sasuke deal. I also feel like she would take up art, once she takes a break from work.

I actually also have a theory about naruto (the boy) I've never talked about, I actually think naruto can sense chakra signatures. this is because he sensed zabuza during the land of waves arc. it would also make sense that his sensing ability is just enhanced by sage mode instead of pulled out of nowhere. not to mention that the most powerful and precise sensor introduced is an Uzumaki as well. (shout out to my girl Karin) probably the reason it never comes up is because he doesn't know what a sensor is 💛

uh wow that got long. starting this I was worried I didn't know enough about naruto to infodump, for some reason (I've literally been obsessed since February why would I think that) anyways THANK YOU SO MUCH for sending this ask, it literally made my week :D💛💛💛 I know for a fact you are also a very cool mutual (I have no lame mutuals) and have a great week!

#I didn't even mention shino or team taka or sasuke or yams or Sai or kakashi anyway point is I'm full of love for these dudes #anon #someone asked a #💞💚

[fandomlit]

neutral, chap. 6 (dream smp x reader)

series summary (in game!au) when an exiled tommy finally rebels against a manipulative dream, he finds safety in neutral territory, a place owned and guarded by you. staying in your safe haven opens up the younger one’s eyes to your way of life, while also revealing your deeper past before neutral; a past that involved a war for your love.

chapter summary technoblade leaves the next morning, turning tommy and y/n back to their usual business of bow work and baking. but tommy lets his usual curiosity get the best of him and questions y/n about the war, leading to a solemn result and revealing some terrible truths.

warnings mentions of war, death, and murder

previous | series masterlist | next

gif cred belongs to @herobrine​

tommy woke up late the next morning, which he presumed was understandable. he had stayed up late last night talking with y/n and technoblade, watching as they laughed and reminisced about the past, enlightening tommy with old tales and teases. he appreciated that they had made sure to include him in the conversation, but he couldn’t help but feel.. invasive. the two were obviously very close..

that thought was only further proven to him when he made his way to the kitchen in the morning. he was met with the smooth sound of y/n humming, and when he peeked into the room, he saw her smiling as she braided back technoblade’s long hair. tommy didn’t speak a word, fearing interrupting the seemingly intimate moment.

but y/n, without looking up, had noticed him. “good morning, tommy.”

he cleared his throat, stepping fully into the kitchen. techno, who had had his eyes closed in peace, opened one to glance at the kid. “morning.”

“there are some berry muffins left warming in the oven if you’d like,” she hummed, still working intently on braiding the hybrid’s pink hair. tommy immediately perked up at the mention of food.

“berry muffins, you say?”

y/n smiled. “i’ll teach you to make them, if you’d like.”

tommy picked the remaining couple muffins out of the warm oven as he considered her words. “sure.”

“how much have ya learned to cook, tommy?” techno asked him as he took a bite out of the delicious muffin. tommy shrugged.

“not too much,” he answered. “i can make steak, potatoes, pork chops, cookies, and pumpkin pie. enough to hold my own, i think.” y/n nodded.

“well, that’s another thing you’re learnin’ from the best,” techno sighed, offering y/n his hairband as she reached the end of his long hair. “y/n’s a great cook.”

y/n just shrugged. “well, kinda back to our topic last night, it’s a nomad thing i picked up. you travel around so much, you learn a lot of different recipes from a lot of interesting people.”

“do you miss it?” tommy spoke through a mouthful of muffin.

“don’t speak with your mouth full, tommy,” she scolded with a laugh, placing her hands on techno’s broad shoulders after tying his hair. “but..” she shrugged. “sometimes. i miss all that i got to learn and experience, but i know i’ll find my way back out there one day. for right now, im satisfied staying here and helping people out. especially people with long, pink hair who can’t manage a tight braid to save their life.”

techno looked over his shoulder at her as tommy let out a loud laugh. “i know you’re jokin’, but that one hurt.” she laughed, squeezing his shoulders before moving away to pour tommy a glass of milk.

as tommy began to scarf down another muffin, technoblade checked the small, golden clock he kept in his pocket. “i should get goin’. i told phil i’d be back by sunrise tomorrow.”

“alright,” y/n nodded as she placed the glass of milk in front of tommy. the boy thanked her as technoblade stood from his seat. “your axe should be cooled by now, let me go check.” he nodded as she scurried out of the room.

there was a moment of awkward silence before tommy gulped down some milk and spoke, “so, how’s phil?”

“good,” techno spoke plainly. another awkward silence filled the bright kitchen.

“.. does he ever talk about me?”

techno didn’t even flinch. “yeah. a lot.”

tommy glanced up at the hybrid. “really?”

techno nodded, considering what to say as he tucked his hands into his pockets. “listen kid.. i know you’ve made this place a sort of home for ya, and that you and y/n have formed a close bond..” techno sighed. “but there’s gonna be a day where things catch up and you’re gonna have to leave neutral. that government ya made isn’t gonna leave ya alone, exiled or not. so when things do go wrong..” tommy gave techno a cautious look, but the piglin just nodded at him. “come find phil and i. we’ll take care of ya.” tommy’s heart immediately warmed. “maybe not as well as y/n, but it’ll be something.”

tommy nodded with a somber smile. as kind as techno’s words were, the thought of leaving neutral honestly hadn’t occurred to him in a while.

“thanks, techno,” he nodded. “i appreciate it.”

“‘course, kid.”

“alright,” y/n sighed as she came back into the kitchen. “one lukewarm netherite sword, and a fixed up netherite chest plate. and..” techno took the fixed materials from her as she walked over to her fridge, pulling out a bag. “enough food to last your journey. and a little longer, ‘cause i know phil likes my pie.”

“he does,” technoblade nodded, taking the bag from her hands. “thanks for everything, y/n.”

“of course,” she shrugged. “it’s what im here for.” he nodded with a small smile, and she held her arms out to him. tommy was surprised to watch techno accept her embrace, giving her a tight hug before pulling away and offering him a wave.

“i’ll see ya around, kid,” techno nodded.

“it was good seeing you, techno,” tommy smiled. and the piglin left.

...

“deep breath, tommy,” y/n reassured. his usual target had been moved back a couple more paces, increasing his usual struggle with aiming the bow. but he still did as instructed, taking a breath and relaxing his shoulders in the slightest before releasing the arrow he had drawn. it lodged itself to the left of the bullseye. “great shot!”

tommy grinned as he looked over to her. “im getting better.”

“and that’s all we can ask for,” y/n agreed, placing a hand on his shoulder. “come on, kid, let’s take a break. you’ve earned it.”

as they walked back into the kitchen, tommy inquired, “so where’d you learn to make the berry muffins?”

she laughed, retrieving a pitcher of water from the fridge. “it’s actually a recipe that niki and i made together. just, uh..” she thought as she poured them some water. “just a little before the war, i believe.” she pursed her lips as she placed his glass in front of him. he felt the previously light atmosphere begin to sink into something darker. more serious. “i suppose you know of the war by now.”

tommy shrugged. “i..” he raised his glass to his lips. “i know very little.”

he didn’t dare look up at her as she sat across from him at the kitchen table. “can i ask what you know?”

he finally looked up, seeing her eyes were as kind and patient as usual. for some reason, talking with her about the war seemed invasive. it felt intrusive; like he had walked into some personal part of her that he wasn’t supposed to discover. but looking into her eyes, tommy realized that they couldn’t avoid this conversation. the war was a part of her.

“technoblade and ghostbur told me a bit,” he admitted, his finger swirling around the rim of his glass to distract himself as he talked. “just that.. i know it was between alivebur, dream, and techno implied that there were more involved? techno told me that dream put out a claim on you, and everyone resisted that, including you, and then wilbur entered it to try and win you over, and..” he shrugged. “it ended with neutral. that’s all i know. really.”

y/n nodded. “i believe you. and you’ve got some of the more important details..” she took a long sip of her water. “the war was between dream, alivebur, and technoblade.” tommy’s eyes widened.

“technoblade?”

“yeah,” she nodded. “dream sent out a claim for me, wilbur stepped in and tried to claim me in return, and then techno stepped in to stop the both of them and convince me to go with him.”

“wow,” tommy whispered, taking a drink. he took in the new information before changing his curiosity. “what were the battles?”

“the first official fight was between dream and wilbur,” she answered. “then they both started to gain support from friends, and build miniature..” she considered. “i wouldn’t dignify them as armies, but i guess they were miniature armies. i remember they all eventually got tired of those and began to send each other duel challenges, but i actually managed to shut that down.” tommy nodded. “just because..” she shook her head, looking out of the kitchen window. her eyes had grown distant. “that was not worth losing a canon life over.”

“was that the only thing you managed to stop during the war?” tommy asked, his voice quieter than before. y/n considered.

“i think so,” she sighed. “it was just such a ridiculous war; it was somehow over me, and yet i didn’t get a single say in anything that happened. i-i’m not some blacksmith you can lay claim to and use whenever you need!” she spoke defensively. realizing she was exuding her frustration in the wrong place, she took a breath and looked back to tommy calmly. “they treated me like a possession that entire war, and i couldn’t do anything to stop them.”

“was there ever a winner?” tommy questioned. “i mean, the war stopped eventually.”

“i was the winner,” y/n spoke. “i proved to them that i wasn’t a piece of property to steal, that i have control over my own life and my own actions. and then i established neutral.”

“how’d you prove it to them?” tommy asked, and immediately y/n’s gaze dropped. after receiving no response, he spoke, “.. y/n?”

“i’d rather not talk about it,” she said, looking back up at tommy seriously. “to this day it’s not something that im proud of, but things are different in war.”

tommy nodded. after a moment of tense silence, he couldn’t help but ask, “did you kill someone?”

y/n stood abruptly and tommy’s heart nearly dropped at the sight of the tears forming in her eyes. he had crossed a line. but not only had he done that.. y/n had killed someone.

“i-im sorry, y/n,” he spoke, shaking his head. “i shouldn’t have-”

“it’s fine, tommy,” she whispered, wiping at the tears in her eyes. she quickly spoke, “let’s take the afternoon off, alright?”

he nodded, leaning back slightly in his chair. “alright.” 

he watched y/n sighed, dropping her hands tensely back to her sides as she voiced, “go relax.” she gave him one final nod before leaving the kitchen. he cringed when he heard her bedroom door whip shut, sighing as he looked to the empty kitchen surrounding him. 

technoblade, dream, and wilbur were all in love with y/n. or at least, had once been, and enough so that a war broke out for her heart. but as tommy considered what he had heard from y/n, he began to realize that the war may have began over y/n, but the boys became so blinded by their competition between each other that they allowed that love to turn to possession.

tag list <3 @vanhakirja @victory-is-here @inkyynki @airiour @sylum @kiritokunuwu @221bee-slytherin @bllatrixcarpnter @soullesstaco @stxrryb1tch @amibismexy @keiarma @akaichi-blog @runningoffofcaffeine @nonetookind @aquilla-favonia @feverish-dove @izuruamme @weeb-bb @bialin @justachillbisexual @kiritokunuwu @natalie-is-a-wall @woman-soot @boyleanti @nostalgic-writes @ahmya-4 @cryinqclouqs @littleliv5 @weeb-bb @truthdaze @dusky-purple-black @sadassflatass @dreamyteam​ @edgy-jim​ comment below or message me if you would like to be added <3

#dream smp x reader #dream smp fanfic #dream x reader #dream fanfic #dreamwastaken x reader #dwt x reader #dreamwastaken fanfic #dwt fanfic #technoblade x reader #technoblade fanfic #wilbur x reader #wilbur fanfic #alivebur x reader #alivebur fanfic #ghostbur x reader #ghostbur fanfic #tommyinnit x reader #tommyinnit fanfic

[oddaodd]

· Ominous  ·

Requests: ” If so I have a Tommy Shelby x Reader one please ? She had been taking by a rival of Tommy’s. They got her back.... but how they would deal with the after effects ? Tommy won’t let her out of his sight, but she is struggling and pretending that she is fine. “ andddd  “Can I request something please ? Tommy and female reader ?Thinking back to season 2 when the shop got raided by the Lee’s. If Tommy’s girlfriend was there and she got hurt trying to stop them.”

Author’s note: I decided to combine these two requests because I felt they sort of went well together, I hope you don’t mind. And also, I got kind of inspired by my lovely Beth Dutton from Yellowstone because she’s such a queen and a badass and I think she’s the coolest. As always I with you all the loveliest of days ❤️

Warnings: violence, blood, trauma and language.

·

It was a normal day at the shop, there was not an ominous breath of air that could have warned Y/n about an imminent attack so when the doors to the shop violently opened she was caught off guard.

The humorous tale Scudboat was telling her about his recent misfortune on bets was cut of short as the invaders pointed a gun to his head, commanding him to empty the box where  they kept the money they had gotten off bets for the day.

Scudboat turned to look at Y/n in a somewhat questioning manner and she nodded not wanting him to get shot, before fixing her gaze on the man holding the gun in an almost daring manner.

She recognized him, from the fairs, he was from the Lee family.

Y/n remained still where she sat, determined to not give them the pleasure of seeing her scared, but her calm demeanor irked the man and soon he  turned his attention to her.

“Why is he asking for your permission?” He barked as Scudboat fumbled with the keys of the box.  

“Because he is a smart man” she said emotionless trying to reach for the gun she kept under the table without them noticing.

The Lees sniggered and one of them asked “And who the fuck are you?”

Y/n knew she shouldn’t tell them who she was. So she just stared at them ignoring their inquiry.

“Toss the place” The one with the gun commanded to the others while he walked closer to Y/n now pointing the gun at her. “And you, keep an eye on that one” he said signaling to Scudboat who had by then given the box and stared at Y/n, afraid.

“You are Thomas Shelby’s new whore” the man spoke tauntingly.

Y/n laughed satirically  “I wish I was”

The man smiled a sinister smile and inched closer to her “I’ve seen you with him”

“Oh God I don’t know why that could be, perhaps because I work in his shop?” She spoke sarcastically “You’re not the brightest one of the lot, are you?”

“Y/N” Scudboat muttered in a warning tone that Y/n choose to ignore and instead smiled hypocritically to the man standing before her.

That taunting  smile was all it took for the man to snap and in a second, her head was being slammed violently against the table. A throb of pain shot through her head as the man’s hand slammed it a couple more times .

Y/n heard Scudbost’s chair being pushed back at what she assumed was him standing up to stop the man from beating her further and promptly after, the agonizing sound of a pistol being fired followed by a loud thud rang through the small room. She tried to not let the anguish she felt show as the man pulled at her hair to admire her now bloody face.

“We know there’s a safe here” he spoke “What’s the combination?”

“I don’t know it”

The man smiled again before slamming her face on the table one more time. As a headache began materializing being her eyes she finally took hold of the gun under the table.

“We don’t have time for games, tell me the combination” he threatened pulling at her hair to see her face again.

“Or what?” At this point Y/n knew she was only being this bold because if she wasn’t she would break down crying and seeming weak in front of the lees wouldn’t lead to anything good.

“You’re gonna shoot me?” She yelled instigatingly at his face “you won’t ever get into the safe, so fucking go ahead!”

There was a fraction of a second in which the man’s eyes seemed uncertain and Y/n seized the opportunity and shot him through the table before shooting the one that had shot Scudboat

The commotion caused all the other men to look in her direction. They exchanged glances not knowing what to do next. Y/n pointed the gun in their general direction and with the most threatening voice she could muster she threatened to kill them if they didn’t leave, and to her surprise they did. She didn’t lower the gun till the last one was out of the shop and then she allowed herself to heave a cry before going to check on Scudboat.

“Couldn’t you have spared the sass?” He joked weakly.

Y/n chortled sadly and a few moments later the door of the shop opened again, Y/n went for her pistol but rested at ease when she saw young Finn’s terrified face.

“Go tell your brother’s we’ve been done over”

When the Shelbys arrived, Tommy was by her side in a trice. Y/n wanted nothing but to collapse in his arms and cry mercilessly, but she found herself unable to. She felt guilty for what had happened, and in her eyes she didn’t have a right to whine not when Scudboat was laying there next to her with a serious bullet wound.

“Im fine” she said in a meek voice as Tommy’s blue eyes worriedly scanned over her face.

“Let’s take you home”

The rest of the Shelbys stayed on the shop and took care of Scudboat as Tommy lead Y/n to their shared home. He ran her a bath and rubbed liniment on her bruises with utmost care while Y/n tried not to show how she was feeling.

Days passed and Y/n continued with her day to day life like nothing had happened and though Tommy could see right through her he decided not to comfort her about it.

At night he would hold her close to him which helped her sleep and during the day he would rarely leave her side, which didn’t present much of a change of routine since she was always near him.

One evening they decided to go The Garrison for drinks and Y/n though a bit hesitant to go, complied to Ada’s pleas. So there she was, sitting in the private room with Tommy’s arm safely draped over her shoulders.

As the night dragged on and more and more people flooded into the pub the acoustics of the place made the hustle of coversations  sound much louder. Y/n had never noticed it before but now she did, and she couldn’t ignore it.

She snuggled closer to Tommy and took a sip of her whiskey hoping it to take the edge off her surroundings and for a while it did. The alcohol helped her get into the tale Polly was telling and she began enjoying herself until a fight erupted in the bar.

Even though it wasn’t an uncommon occurrence, she felt uneasy. For a reason the fight sounded much more violent than the usual Garrison drunken fight, but upon taking a look at the unfazed faces of the Shelby family as they continued talking, she realized she was the only one to whom it sounded severe. The yelling and Harry’s authoritative voice as he broke the fight penetrated through the walls of the private room, causing her hand to hold onto tommy’s. Her heart pounding faster and her breathing short.

He noticed immediately “You alright, love?”

Y/n turned to look at him “Can you walk me home?”  

His face went from concerned to reassuring and he stood up. After bidding goodbye to everyone the pair left the private room. The fight had ceased, but still Y/n walked with a nervous step until they were out.

Tommy offered her a cigarette as they walked through Small Heath’s cold streets and when they finally reached home and closed the door Y/n hurriedly made her way upstairs, to their room.

Tommy sighed and prepared a teapot of tea before going upstairs. He knocked on their bedroom door before entering and was welcomed to the sight of Y/n sitting on their bed, sobbing into her hands.

“Love?”

“It was awful, Tommy” she cried as he made his way to the bed, leaving the teapot on the nightstand and sat next to her holding her in a tight embrace as she finally broke down.

“I was so fucking scared and I thought Scudboat had been killed because of me and I didn’t want to die but I couldn’t let them see me scared and I couldn’t let them have the money and..I.. they…” she whimpered into his chest.

“Shhh its alright, love” he said stoking soft circles on her back.

“Now I’m always afraid, every single fucking noise startles me and I hate it.  I hate that I can’t be in crowded noisy places without feeling like something is about to go terribly wrong and I feel so fragile”

“Y/n, Scudboat is alive and well, You are alive and well all because of you” he said softly tilting her chin so he could look into her eyes “I don’t know where we would be if it wasn’t for your fucking stubbornness” he added on a lighter tone.

Y/n smiled weakly feeling a it better and buried her face in the crook of his neck with a sigh. His warmth feeling like a sort of save haven.

“I love you,Y/N ” he spoke into her ear tenderly “and I’m always going to be here for you”.

·

@captivatedbycillianmurphy @peakyxtommy @nyotamalfoy @writeroutoftime @babylooneytoonz

#Tommy Shelby #tommy shelby request #tommy shelby imagine #tommy shelby x reader #tommy shelby angst #thomas Shelby #thomas shelby request #thomas shelby angst #thomas shelby x reader #thomas shelby one shot #tommy shelby oneshot #peaky blinders angst #peaky blinders one shot #peaky blinder one shot #peaky blinder angst #peaky blinders request #peaky blinders x reader #peaky blinder request #peaky blinder x reader

[tteokdoroki]

Congrats on 3k babe!!✨👏🏽🥳

(I love your work!! Chef’s kissing bby🥺🤧)

Can I request prompt #’s 9 and 3 where katsuki has the hanahaki and readers with Shinso? ( angst with happy ending and smut )

katsuki bakugou x reader. ( no pronouns are given but female anatomy described. ).

tteokdoroki teaparty event masterpost!!

♡ prompt #3 + #9  —  “if you leave then..”  + reader or the character of choice has hanahaki disease.

♡ genre: mdni 18+. fwb!au, hanahaki disease!au, smut, angst.

♡ word count: 1.2K

♡ warnings: major character death, mentions of cheating, unprotected sex, mentions of blood. 

♡ author’s notes: thank you for all your support and  for requestiing my lovely !! ALSO I COULDNT WRITE A HAPPY ENDING IM SO SORRY

“k-katsuki—!”

the blonde beneath you sinks his teeth into your neck, he knows that you’d hate him for it in the morning, but he can’t help the feral desire inside of him to mark you up and claim you as though you’re his. bakugou starts to wonder if your pleasure blossoms from pain, from the way he leaves a bruising grip against your hips as his cock caresses your soaked walls to the feeling of your very own nails scratching down his freckled back. do you like being in pain? do you like causing him pain more? deep down he knows that you can’t be to blame for his condition, the burning spread of a deadly rose’s root throughout his body… the petals hidden away in his top left drawer nor the thorns hat litter his blood stream. you couldn’t be to blame, it wasn’t your fault that he had caught feelings, that he had caught the love disease. hanahaki.

“suki, ‘m gonna cum...don’t stop, please cum with me,” you sign, hand pushing through hair to bring him down in order to meet your lips. another set of dreaded red roses, the colour of his eyes and his blood that coats them, branch out against his lungs as you look up at him with pure bliss— your face twists with a euphoria that only he can give you and can often be mistaken with that of love. bakugou wonders if you’ve ever loved him, or if you’ve only ever been in love with how he fucks you. your legs up high and over his broad shoulders, heavy balls slapping against the curve of your ass every time he sinks deep into your tight cunt.

it’s nice to toy with the idea that you’re in love with him, but it doesn’t stop the flowers that slowly kill him from the inside out. it doesn’t help that you belong to someone else. “y-yeah? you gonna cum like a little bitch on my cock...oh baby, only if you tell daddy please,” katsuki mocks through laboured breathing, flame igniting in his lower belly at the sight of your sweet tears. he can’t tell if he’s panting because of how hot you look and now close you both are to cumming or because of how close the flowers bring him to death. “you like bein’ talked down on, don’cha bitch? can’t tell by the way your sweet cunny clamps down on me. who do you belong to?”

you can barely speak, orgasm right on the horizon. “y-you, belong to you!” comes your unhinged squeal as your hands grope at any of bakugou’s flesh available to you.

it’s not enough for him, however, bakugou’s warm and calloused hand reaching up to tug at your lower lip— opening up your mouth for him to spit into. “say ,y fuckin’ name, bitch. say it when you cum for your man.” he snarls from deep within his chest, forcing his hips to thrust into you at a new angle. the squealching sound of your sexes sends shivers down his spine as his gaze falls to where your bodies join and you become one with each other. fuck, he was close.

“‘m yours katsuki! ohmyfuckinggod, i’m all yours!”

you earn a few swipes your sticky and puffy clit, the attention sending you on a cliff dive right over the edge. you clamp down hard on bakugou, squeezing him for all of his worth until his relentless pace stutters and his cock paints your insides with the shade of white. the blonde drops his head to your neck as your body twitches with the aftershocks of your own release, the nectar dripping from your cunt and slicking up the latter’s cock. he wishes that you could lay here little longer, wrapped up in the sweet post orgasm bliss, but there’s a familiar pang in his chest and churn to his stomach when katsuki witnesses you reach for your phone on the nightstand beside him.

the pain of rustling roses returns to bakugou’s lungs when your screen illuminates with messages from him and he pulls from your heat with a hiss, rolling to your side and fixing his gaze on the ceiling. “yn, we can’t keep doing this.” vermillion eyes shut away the world as he waits for your response, listening to the rustling of clothes as you get yourself together and ready to leave.

“doing what, katsuki?” there’s an air of innocence to your tone, as if you hadn’t uttered his very name with an unrelenting neediness for the last hour or so.

this time, bakugou sits up— mindful of the thorns and petals that line the cavity in his chest. as the sheets fall away, he uses a strong arm to wrap around your waist— pulling you into him as if you’ll stay. the sweater you now where, the one that belongs to shinsou and the one that caused this night of passion, itches at his skin, but katsuki ignores it. “i can’t keep fucking you like we mean something, only for you to fuck off back to the asshole who doesn’t treat you right.” he was tired of the sneaking around, the false happiness you had created with him under this very roof. bakugou wanted more than to be your fuck buddy and go to when your boyfriend wasn’t enough.

you shake your head and laugh bitterly, tilting your head to the side to press a kiss to katsuki’s unsuspecting lips. the petals in his lungs rumble. “i love him, you know. he may be crappy at times but i can’t leave him. can’t hurt him. that’s why we do the things we do, sneak around like we do. i promised to never break his heart.”

“but you’re breaking mine,” katsuki practically pleads against your lips, his own are wet from tears he hadn’t realised were falling. he doesn’t know if they’re because he’s in pain or because he can feel you slipping away. “i’m in love with you, yn.”

panic rises with bile and blossoms in katsuki’s chest as you pull away from him harshly, lacing up your boots and grabbing your bag from the floor. “no one ever told you to catch feelings, bakugou. we are, were, fuck buddies win a now strings attached agreemnent. i’m not responsible for that.” you gesture to the way that he crumbles as you walk towards the door.

“yn, if you leave then, we won’t ever talk again. it’ll be all over.” bakugou knows it’s wrong to give you an ultimatum, he can see that from the way your eyes glaze over with tears. but he’s dying, rosebuds choking him from the inside out and clawing their way up his throat. he needs you to live or he’d die without you.

you turn, shaky fingers encapsulating the doorknob as you hold back your own tears. “whatever it takes to get it through your head, that i. don’t. love. you.”

you leave, and bakugou succumbs to the thorns in his lungs.

that night, the world shatters. katsuki bakugou dies alone in a bed of roses he’d breathed for you, petals as red as his eyes that you’d once loved so much. when his death reaches you, shinsou squeezes your shoulders and reminds you of how lucky you both are to be loved by each other. but you can only nod solemnly and pray he doesn’t find the orange rose petals you’ve hidden under your shared bed.

#bakugou #bakugou katsuki #katsuki bakugou #bakugou x reader #bakugou x you #bakugou smut #bakugou angst #bakugou fluff #bakugou imagine #bakugou scenario #bakugou drabbles #bakugou fanfic #bakugou fic #bakugou headcanons #katsuki bakugou x you #katsuki bakugou x reader #katsuki bakugou smut #katsuki bakugou angst #katsuki bakugou scenarios #katsuki bakugou imagine #katsuki bakugou headcanons #katsuki bakugou fanfic #bakugou katsuki x you #bakugou katsuki x reader #bakugou katsuki smut #bakugou katsuki angst #bakugou katsuki scenarios #bakugou katsuki fic #bakugous mamas #[ 🫖. tteokdoroki teaparty ]

[ah0yh0y]

My On My Shelf Books (but its chaotic)

- the weight of your sky - Hanna Alkaf I CRED I TELL YOU SO HARD WE STAN LITERALLY ANYTHING BY HANNA ALKAF IS GOOD IF SHE WROTE LIKE 3 WORDS I WOULD BE AMAZED MASHAALLAH - a heartwarming and heartbrekaing look at racial tensions on the brink - feels especially true

Queen of Tiles - Hanna Alkaf , murder mystery grief and literally so good. much better than YA murder grounded and heartbreakign and im a sucer for the scenes like the ending would look beautiful on my shelf as well

a language of thorns - Leigh Bardugo - i have read this book time and time agian i have my problems wiht the rest of Leigh’s work but this, this will foverever remain untouched  ON MY SHELF AND IN HARDCOVER TOO

Once upon a Eid - anthology literally the best muslim rep I have come across like i cannot tell you how big of a content and slightly weepy sigh my hearttook wiht this.

the ballad of Mulan - Sherry Thomas - actually shipped the main two SO GOOD- hISTORICAL FICTIONNNNN beautifully done ALSO THE COVER??

nevermoor !!!!! - home grown aussie magic mog DRAgon cant wait for silver born. THE WRITING IS SO GOOD FOR THIS unparalleled . also the people in this fandom are really nice ON MY SHELF WOO

Sal and Gabi break the universe + Sal and Gabi Fix the Universe - RR PRESNETS SO GOOD FOUND FAMILY- creative funny and poignant  and took my inner “i want to be in the arts!!” self and jjust gave it all i want 

bone witch trilogy!!!! rin chupeco can have my soul i have read this series so many times and i never do that. - i am trying to describe this but like its so good i cant

Airman - Eion Colfer guys its eion colfer what do i even have to say

Deeplight & A Skinful of Shadows & Cukoo Song - Frances Hardinge - no words except i want to write like this

The Anne of Green Gables Series- friendship and love and forevermore

The Secret Garden on my shelf!!!!

Murder most Unladylike series - specifically mistletoe and Murder and arsenic for tea at the mo cause BERTIEEEEEE WELLLS -- aside form that one of the best middle grade book series i have  ever read mysterious are complex and leaveyou on the edge  of your seat and a series to binge when you feel like coffee and pistachios 

ILLUMINAE FILES- HOW COULD I FORGET THE BOOKS SERIES THAT CHANGED ME AAAAAAA- sci  fi opera mixed media told by chats and ship logs and literally took my heart and forged it into a new being

Trials of Apollo THE META FOR THIS SERIES I SWEAR- honeslty ricks best work AMAZING character development 1/5 on my shelf

Enchanted Emporiun- literally magical will fight  you all if you dont like it/j

A Wish in the Dark - TEH VIBES Thai inspired fantasy friendship and coconut made me feel at home def reccoment

A Place to hang the Moon    - wooooo found family very Blyton-esque whihc makes it no suprise that i enjoyed this eimmesly

Middlegame - god this books is so good 500 hundred games wish a thousand times i could read it again

Spinning Silver - Naomi Novik - the fairytale inspired book of my dream rich a nd deep and oh my god i ship these people moment

The VAlley and the Flood - loss grief ptsd beutifal writing eerie enought to seem real . grounded and omg it is now a comfort read. radio waves in sea glass green 

the scholomance trilogy POWER OF FRIENDSHIP AND DARK MAGIC AND LIKE ACTUAL INTERESTING LORE AND THE THIRD BOOK MADE ME CRYYY AHHHH ITS GONNA EMPTY MY POCKETS ON MY SHELF YEAHHHH

Berrybrook Middle School  - graphic novel series SO GOOD                        aaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAH

Glorious Wrestling Alliance, Ultimate Championship Edition :  go read this graphic novel its vey good idk how to describe it just do it

Red White and Whole - made cry best rep of a south asian mother and daughter relationship i think i can see also good at describing the relationship between the parents (spoiler: they love each other)

The Carpet Merchant of Konstantiniyya VOL 1 & 2 - such great grpahic novel the muslim rep immaculate THE STORY???? immacualte the characters????? IMMMACULATE

A Bit of Earth - its a south asian muslim retelling of the secret garden what more can i ask for it made me cry

#mmu #murder most unladylike #nevermoor #the secret garden #trials of apollo #toa #anne of green gables #pjo #frances hardinge #illluminae files #rr presents #rick riordian #hanna alkaf #hoo #bone witch trilogy #bwt #books #Enchanted emporium #A wish in the Dark #a place to hang the moon #awid #apthm #middlegame #seanan mcguire #ahoys thoughts #naomi novik #spinning silver #Books On My Shelf #On My Shelf Books #OMSB

[rotshop]

GONNA B HONEST W/ YOU ,,,,,, i rlly dont like how this is written lmao ,,,, but also im sleepy tired so i get a pass dhmu /j

[ TW ; gore, some violence, death ]

notes ; based offa DIS ,,, u might wanna read it for some context n shit ,,, lawl ,,,

-

Between the two of you, it's hard to tell who's suffocating more. It's hard to tell if its you, with the little pants that pass by your teeth in shaky steps, hitching whenever they're cut down when you have to stop to cough up blood. It should be you, you who has your guts spilled out onto the floor and your blood staining all the concrete underneath the both of you. It has to be you, who's leaning heavy against 2b's chest and drawing unfocused circles onto his shoulder. It had to be you, you just had to go inside by yourself, you just had to be slow on the draw and nearly be ripped clean in two. It just had to go wrong with just you.

Even with all that in mind, he feels like there's nothing in him. There's no lungs to draw in breaths, no mind with clear thoughts on what to do and how to stop this once more, and certainly no heart beating steadily. In those places was instead viscera, a mangled, nameless mess of pink and red weighing him. There was some clump of pink that drew in some shaky puffs, barely reaching him as he choked on his own pride. There was nothing but tangled strings and weights in his head, making his skull pound as something in the back of his mind screamed to do something. There was a heavy weight behind his ribs that stayed put, a finality hanging over his shoulder as it always would.

He doesn't want to cry. He shouldn't be, you're the one with your innards exposed to the eyes of any and all and your face buried in the crook of his neck, it should be you who's crying in pain. He shouldn't be crying, he shouldn't be shedding tears when there's not a single bleeding wound on his skin. He shouldn't be and yet they're tight in his throat, threatening to tumble past his lips and create an embarrassment of himself. A shift brings him back from his thoughts, turning his attention back to you.

There's a little stutter in your movements, a quick pause as your vision momentarily fails you and your breath is wheezed past your lips. A quick, aimless grasp at your innards to have them follow your movements, rather than stay partially stuck to the floor, tugged further from your soon-to-be-cadaver as you readjust. You're just pulling yourself ever closer to him, little to no space left between the two of you as you support yourself on his figure. He can't help the way his own movements choke and pause as he moves his arms to wrap around you. He can't help the way he takes a sharp, shaking inhale as the skin of his arm ghosts over the start of your gash.

He remembers the first time he'd been with you in your 'final' moments. He remembers how the line had fallen dead on your side and the others all fell into a silence. They'd only told him later on why, they 'didn't want to scare him off.' He was still a little upset about it, even now. He had always been stubborn like that, it was a fact of him that you regarded with warm laughter and endearing teases.

He remembers the pure terror that'd gripped him as he came across you, choked squeaks and hisses leaving your lips as you writhed. The debris around you and the tangle of pipes and bars you'd been impaled on told the story he never bothered to ask, the one he'd never truly questioned you on even to this day. Something about the way you'd glanced at him in that moment never left him. Maybe it was how the pure agony you'd been in moments before shifted to confusion on his being there, shifted into something gentler yet still as forlorn and miserable, either way it haunted him endlessly. He remembers how you were such polar opposites after he'd managed to tear himself from his place.

The clatter of his goggles against the ground fell on deaf ears when he'd rushed for you. He barely even noticed how quick his breath was speeding up, he was far too focused on helping you, on getting you back to base so he could fix this. It'd taken your weak swipes at him and breathless pleads to just stop to snap him back, he didn't want to listen to you. He wanted to tear you from that metal and drag you back to base, he wanted to set you down and get to work, and then he wanted to grab you by the collar and ask just what was going through your head. He wanted to be mad, he wanted to argue and to let go of all the tension wracking him and making his hands shake. It was tearing him limb from limb in the worst way possible, in the one way he never wanted to feel.

He was afraid. Honest to god terrified from the moment his gaze fell on your bleeding-out form. It shook him to his core in a way he hadn't felt in forever, breaking past the facade he'd worked so hard to build in an utterly humiliating manner. He hated the way he had to clench his hands and bite his tongue as he stared down at you, his weak attempt at keeping his tears back that hung by a thin string. He hated how he fell to his knees, coming face to face with you as you looked back at him.

Your eyes were still soft with accepting misery in the moment, a weak smile finding it's way onto your lips as you reached for him. You'd struggled, finding it difficult to meet his face when the world was spinning so dizzyingly. He'd hesitated, hand shaking as it found your wrist, him leaning into your touch with an unsteady breath. If the tears weren't already hanging behind his eyes, they would've burst up with a vengeance when you started brushing your thumb over the bandages on his face.

He couldn't remember how exactly you'd spoken, how you'd been able to between the gurgle of blood in your throat and the copper piercing you, but you had. It was a request ; a final wish of sorts he didn't want to deny you. You could've asked for anything in the moment and he would've done it for you, he would tear through whoever and whatever he had to for you. He would rend flesh and ruin relationships and scar the world if he had to in that very moment. He'd never been an especially generous type, he could extend a certain amount of kindness to others but there was a limit to his softness. Yet, you managed to turn him so, managed to make him give an excuse of 'it wouldn't hurt,' or 'it's just a one time thing,' when it came to you.

Even so, you'd made such a simple request. One he would've asked you himself in other circumstances if he weren't so stubborn with what little ego he clung to. One he would've been happy to hear from you in the comfort of home and privacy. Even so, he'd nodded when you asked. Even so, he'd ignored how his own hands shook as he held his over yours gently.

It was an odd feeling, your blood seeping into his mouth, iron heavy on his tongue as his lips met yours. The taste would've been revolting under any other circumstances, making him recoil and pull away with a note to never repeat the cause. Yet, he didn't. He kept his lips against yours gently, experience slipping him in the thick anxiety of the moment. Even then, reluctance followed when he pulled away.

Content lost its footing when you'd given him once last smile, then it fell with a crash when your gaze grew glassy and unfocused. He'd never forget the panic that gripped him so tightly, enough of a disturbance to slip past his guard and make the tears start to fall. He didn't even notice them in the moment, all he saw was your corpse and the end of the compassion and emotion you'd helped him regain over time. He never asked the others if they heard him then, if they heard him plead with you, if they heard the sobs and begs he never would've given if it weren't you. He's glad they never brought it up, it was just a touch easier to forget how he'd completely broken down for the first time in a long time when you'd fallen still.

He was glad you weren't able to hear them. He's sure you would've made some dumb comment about it as you stood before him, alive and well as though nothing happened. He's sure you would've smiled and hummed a question he wouldn't answer, he's sure he would've reacted all the same. He's sure he still would have grabbed you by the collar and shoved you back against the wall, he's sure he would've still hissed at you to explain yourself, ignoring the desperation laced in his voice as his eyes began to burn again. You had an effect on him, one he wouldn't ever admit to even if you poked and prodded at it time and time again by simple virtue of you being yourself.

You were a surprisingly good kisser for someone on the brink of death once more, but you were better at it when you could count how many of him there were.

He's not sure what pulls him back as he looks down at you again, noting your still form blankly. He's not sure why he pauses for a few long moments, simply keeping his arms around you as your body grows colder and colder. He's not sure why he tucks hair behind your ear and lets his hand linger, warm by contrast against you. He's not sure when he pulls himself up off the floor, careful of your innards as he pulls you up with him.

He is however sure he feels a hell of a lot better when you sit up from your previous place on the table, hand trailing over the stitches that line your stomach and chest as you give a little hum of approval. He's sure he's smiling a little at that simple bit of praise. He's sure you'd make a comment about it if you noticed.

"Happy to see me, huh?"

He's happy to be right.

#2b x reader #2bdamned x reader #madcom x reader #madcom imagines #madness combat imagines #madness combat x reader #rot writes #oughhhh imf uckgin tired but its only 1am (head in hands)

[9tzuyu]

children of tragedy (rewrite)

note: heyo, rewriting an old fic of mine. i hope to be able to rewrite all 5 chapters quickly. if you guys don’t like it, i won’t continue because its kinda dark and idk i feel like no ones gonna like it anyways. please leave feedback though, im on my knees begging for validation. also sorry if its ooc, please forgive me.

++ sorry the beginning reveals how rusty my writing is </3

(*** i wrote this as as a fem reader fic because it worked easier with how i wrote things.)

+ please remember that this is purely a way to get out my own feelings/struggles in a healthy way. also i’m sure this works better as a ship fic, but someone asked for this version so yeah :).

** mistakes are mine im too tired and lazy to proofread right now.

warnings: talk of alcohol abuse, slight mention of domestic abuse.

🏷 @peggycarter-steverogers

ch.2 | ch.3

[love, fragility, and the memories that eat us alive.]

meeting wanda changed everything for you. she wasn't like anyone you’d ever known. she was always kind, never quick to lose her temper or scream and yell at you for things you couldn't possibly control. she was warm, tender with everything she did.

your relationship with her was very new to you. it was much different in comparison to your past experiences — and you weren't quite sure what to think of it. there was no doubt that you appreciated her and everything she did for you, but you were still waiting for her to snap. it was almost like a need burning throughout your body. being able to grasp the idea that someone could ever really, truly be gentle with you was out of the question. in turn, you’d push all of her buttons, hoping that she would get mad enough and get it over with.

no one could really fault you for it. the steady stream of abuse was the nearly the entirety of your life, both physical and mental.

lately wanda was having to pick you up from wherever she could find you, most of the time in the alleyways of of bars you’d been kicked from.

once you were drunk enough (anyone really) you weren’t afraid to say the first thing that came to your mind, offensive or not – which meant it was no surprise when you’d been involved in fights. the alcohol numbed a majority of the pain anyway, so didn’t really make much of a difference to you.

with this happening so many times, you figured wanda would be angry with you – perhaps so angry she would find it within her to hit you. but each and every time wanda brought you home, she made sure you were comfortable before tending to your inuries.

what you didn't know was that being so worried for you all the time, every second of everyday, was beginning to take a toll on her. wanda only wanted to fix you, but you were making it more than difficult for her to do that.

she knew very little about your past, simply because you didn't like talking about it and she didn't want to push. but there was no denying the fact that wanda was curious.

sometimes she would ask questions, only between the soft moments the both of you shared. much to her dismay, most of her curiosities were turned down. on the rare occasions you shared brighter memories of your childhood, wanda would bookmark them in the back of her head.

no harm would ever come from her, but you didn’t know that. at least not right now.

too many times had your exes used the trust you’d so politely given against you. to be fair with wanda though, you shared only the brightest parts of your childhood. they were very seldom, but the ones you could remember were the ones you enjoyed talking about the most. 

despite her limited knowledge, it wasn’t hard for her to tell that you’d already been hurt plenty of times before. apart from the fact that wanda was overall truly a good person, it made her even more gentle with you than she’d ever been with anyone before. 

on top of that, wanda wasn’t stupid. she picked up on every little flinch you tried to hide, or the times you had to ask her if it was okay if you could do something on your own free will, and she definitely didn’t forget about the countless times you berated yourself over small, humanly mistakes. a frown never failed to decorate her face when these things happened. 

wanda tried her hardest to make it known how much she loved you, and how she would never intentionally hurt you. she never once lifted a hand on you or raised her voice in the slightest, even when she felt like she’d met a breaking point.

the last few weeks seemed to be putting more stress on her than usual. the gashes on your body seemed to be cutting deeper and the bruises on your jaw and rib cage were beginning to turn a darker shade of indigo as each fight became more aggressive. your knuckles had been swollen, irritated to the point your hands trembled when your palms were held open.  

you completely missed how drastically wanda’s mood had changed. she became quiet, seemingly lost in thought most of the time until she needed to take care of you. she grew tired, a purple tint claiming a spot below the lip of her eyes. fifteen pounds of weight had shredded from her body and her head grew dizzy every time she stood up. none of that mattered to wanda though, you were her number one priority.

alcohol was the biggest issue in the way. if wanda could get you to stop drinking for just one night she might be able to reason with you. 

the brunette knew that was out of the question though, because she knew no matter how many times she told or expressed her love for you, you wouldn’t stop until you wanted to, not when she wanted you to. 

you never allowed yourself to be vulnerable around her, so she never knew how you truly felt about the things going wrong in your life. there was an unbearable amount of pain when it came to confronting what you tried so hard to push away. the idea of allowing yourself to heal, to mourn the things taken away from you caused a lump in the back of your throat. living in denial was the easiest way to cope - that was as long as you could bear the damage it created.

 (and whether wanda knew it or not, knowing that you were causing her so much misery was the worst feeling you’d ever faced. all she had ever given you was love and in return she was met with destruction.)

so once again you found yourself walking alone, a slight stagger between steps. it was cold, each breath exhaled from your lips could be seen vaporizing into the air. every movement ripped what balance you thought you’d gained right out from underneath you. the feeling of numbness in your fingertips brought your attention away from the fact that you didn’t know where you were. 

the buildings all looked familiar, but everything was hazy. being drunk wasn’t always the fun everyone bragged about. too tired to carry on, you found yourself slumped in the back of an alleyway next to a dirty garbage bin. it reeked of sour, expired food, but you’d given up on caring about anything else other than trying to drink yourself numb. 

your mind began to wander. flashes of early mornings with wanda’s hands wrapped around your waist, breath tickling the back of your neck while the sun began to rise started filling your thoughts. the warm feeling wanda gave you outweighed every bad emotion you could possibly think of.

but as you stared at the ground beneath your feet things began to spiral. your throat contracted, the guilt you tried so hard to swallow began clawing its way out of your body.

(and holy fuck you could not deal with this right now.)

you curled your head between your legs in an attempt to shield yourself away from something that was born from the inside.

it was too much.

without a chance to stop what was happening, your stomach began heaving. a mix of bile and alcohol drooled from your mouth as you continued to vomit.

you missed the sound of footsteps coming from behind you. the feeling of a hand on your shoulder caused you to jerk back, slamming your back into the brick wall.

“hey, hey, it’s me. you’re okay. it’s just me, wanda.” she cooed.

through teary eyes, you looked up at the woman in front of you.

she’s your girlfriend.

(but you weren’t sure that you deserved to call her that after everything you’ve put her through.)

“what are you doing here?” your voice wavered as you wiped your mouth free of excess vomit. you sniffled backing away from her.

she tilted her head, desperate to read what your eyes would give away. “i’m here to bring you back home. can you stand up for me?” you shook your head. you were too exhausted and dizzy from the alcohol to even think about standing.

“that’s okay,” she whispered. “here, i’m going to pick you up, okay? wrap your arms around my neck and your legs around my hips.”

“mkay.” your speech was still slurred, but at that point all wanda cared about was getting you home safe.

you didn’t remember the ride home or wanda carrying you out of the car to lay you on the couch. by the time she got the supplies she needed to wrap and tend to your wounds, you were completely passed out.

when you woke up you were greeted with a glass of water and an over the counter pain medication. you swallowed the pills and moved to set the glass on the coffee table, but wanda beat you to it and took it out of your hands. she smiled down at you, taking a seat next to you. she tucked your hair behind your ears, giving your face one last gentle stroke.

thats when you noticed her eyes were red.

you immediately sat up, crossing your legs and moved closer to her. you’d hoped to comfort her somehow, but the shake of her head broke sonething inside you.

you bit your lip, anxiety shooting throughout your body. she sensed your nervousness and took your hands in hers, rubbing circles on the outside of your wrist with her thumbs.

“i love you, you know that. at least i hope you do,” she let out a soft laugh. “but i can’t keep doing this.”

your heart dropped, and you could feel the all too familiar feeling of guilt building its way back up. you tried to speak, but wanda cut you off.

“i need you to hear this.”

when you didn’t respond she took the opportunity to continue saying what she needed to get out.

“i have exhausted myself to a breaking point. i can’t keep worrying about you every single night you’re gone. i can’t be there every time you need saving. i’m losing myself.”

she paused to check and see how you were handling her words. for once you weren’t shutting down. you were genuinely trying to process what she was trying to say.

(and she was so proud of you for that. she almost considered giving you another chance. but she knew for the better, she couldn’t do that. not to you, not to her.)

“i’ve packed your things. you can leave tomorrow morning if you wish, i don’t mind having you for another meal or two.”

she squeezed your hands and got up from the couch, allowing you to take in what she said. it was in that moment when you realized that even when she’d finally drawn the line, had enough, she didn’t yell at you. she wasn’t angry, she was just sad.

you were chasing after something that wasn’t there, and it never would be there.

and now you were able to register just how much you’d fucked up the one good thing in your life.

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