#he helped me a lot with my gender identity and expression

[pippyparty]

w2h art dump ,, theze r all from like , maybe march? very old but i have no new onez to share..😿😿

ill go back to sp postz after thiz i just need to get the w2h out of my system sometimez hehehehehehe

#w2h #w2h fanart #w2h sock #sock sowachowski #napoleon maxwell sowachowski #jonathan combs #w2h jonathan #w2h2 #w2h sock fanart #w2h jonathan fanart #w2h2 fanart #welcome to hell #welcome to hell film #pip's art #flip the canvaz on any of theze and ill cry at u 😿😿😿 #i may not be fixated on w2h anymore but i still LOVEEEE it a LOT #i wish the fandom was a lil less dead #so excited for w2h2 hehehehehehehrhrhrheh #shoutout to sock btw #he helped me a lot with my gender identity and expression #sockathan #w2h sockathan #im noticing a pattern in my shipz #literal demon x some fuckinmg human #hehehehehehhehehehehe #WHY WAS I SO SCARED TO EXPERIMENT WITH COLORZ

[lilliryth]

why are theee no reader insert fanfics of fujimoto from ponyo im going to cry and eat my own hair

#he’s a gnc dilf in a canon polyship how could this HAPPEN #ponyo #fujimoto #studio ghibli #older millenials try to comprehend that first tag challenge: impossible #like actually i read it back and i had to like #blink #because of the amount of gen-z and fandom exclusive buzzwords i incidentally used #but like what else am i supposed to say #he’s a hot dad with an ambiguously expressed sense of gender identity whose wife has a lot of husbands in the original concept #better to just use the fucking acronyms #and abbreviations #and all that jazz #help im starting to hit that mode in my medications #the one where i just ramble incessantly #about everything #help me #can’t stop #oh well #thinking about fujimoto’s hands #hunnnghGGHHhhghgh #he’d smell like sea salt and flowers #slutposting without cessation in sight #get me out of this cave #i broke reality #ġ̵̥̰͓̳͙͗̚̕ö̸̡̤̥͓͙̳̗͖́o̶̰͕͍͇̲̝͍͛̊͋̑͐̔̔̈́͛͐͌͝͝g̶̮̍̎̄͑̇́̐́̆̍͘̕͜ǫ̶̞̠̣̯͇̲̋̉͆̎͊͒̉͌̐͛̑̌̈́̆̐́o̸̡̢͎͈̮̤͍̪͍̗͚͑̾͂͝b̴̢̨̠̮̮̖̣̬̠͒̀̓̔͑͘͠͠͠ͅị̸̥̚e #shitpost

[ellecdc]

Mother, serious question mainly for my own self-esteem 😮‍💨😅

How do you think the boys (any of them really) would view a partner with like all sorts of facial piercings and like rat tails in their hair and funky colors(truly best describes as a queer little gremlin lol). Cause I know Marlene and Sirius have an alt rock aesthetic (I don't think I spelled that right) but as much as I love these characters I never feel like I would have fit in with them if I was really there ya know?

Idk it's kinda stupid but just curious on you're thoughts on this. They're just so cool and I would hope they would like me enough to at least be my friend if they were real 😮‍💨😖

okay first of all, love the title queer little gremlin; let's all capitalize those letters and add them to surveys when they ask you how you identify plsss??

Here's my take:

James:

I love (and follow religiously) the headcanon that James is pansexual but I believe that expands beyond just gender identity, if that makes sense?

It doesn't matter if you're male or female or anywhere in between or beyond or both or all

and I feel like it doesn't really matter what you look like to him

I feel like he loves people for their hearts, their minds, their interests, etc

I feel like he'd maybe be worried because....those had to hurt??? you do that on purpose? doesn't it hurt terribly? his poor sweet angel????

I also see him as the type of bf who would be like "oh! are we changing colours? which one's? can I help?" and will dutifully like, adorn gloves and sit in the bathroom breathing in dye fumes and chatting away with you while the two of you talk about everything and nothing - I think he'd love spending that time with you and it would be special bonding time

(also, have you seen the James fan art with him with a nose ring??? fuck me sideways)

Sirius:

you're so right re: alt-rock aesthetic etc

I think he'd find the facial piercings awesome tbh, you might even have inspired him to get one or more of his own

I think he'd make it almost a competition of who can dress the most grunge that day hahaha - but the two of you would make quite the couple

also? you look like the kind of person his posh, prissy, stuck up parents would hate seeing him with - that's totally a bonus

I see this guy as someone who loves hair care and would be horrified at how much/often you change your hair colour and would insist on helping you/buying the more expensive products/ensure you're doing it right to save your hair from too much damage

that's the only 'problem' I see him having

Remus:

idk, I kind of see him a little bit like James tbh; looks would be a little less important to him? like he doesn't care how you express yourself in terms of style and clothes

what would be important to him is that you're kind and patient, that you're openminded and considerate of others

I mean...he's littered with scars, is he not? He doesn't exactly look "normal" (derogatory) and would probably feel very similar to what you've described; like he doesn't feel he particularly 'fits in' with his friends

I see him having like, not long hair but like a decent head of curls, and he'd totally love if you braided a few little pieces of his hair like your 'rat tails'

I think he'd find the hair fun; you'd show up one day with new colours and I could see his face lighting up like 😃 "that looks great love; so fun"

Regulus:

he's tricky because he's so posh and stuck up lmfao

BUT

people also ship bartylus and I see so much Barty fan-art somewhat similar to how you've described yourself and if Reg likes Barty - he'd certainly like you too

Barty:

as mentioned above, I could totally see him having like a green streak in his hair or something

perhaps some piercings (I think he'd get piercings down below.....), tongue piercing, nose piercing, eyebrow piercing - I feel like he'd be down for it all himself, so he wouldn't mind it on you at all either

and again, as a guy with daddy issues, he'd be a lot like Sirius and think the better chance he has at dating someone who would sooooo piss of his dad - the better!

thanks for your ask babes <3

#ask elle #marauders era #marauders au #marauders fanfiction #reader insert #self insert #sirius black #remus lupin #james potter #regulus black #barty crouch jr #remus lupin x reader #remus lupin x you #sirius black x reader #sirius black x you #james potter x reader #james potter x you #regulus black x reader #regulus black x you #barty crouch jr x reader #barty crouch jr x you #ellecdc fics

[treeofnonsense]

So I'm going to preface this by saying: I am cis as all hell. I'm not any form of trans or nonbinary, I have never been any form of trans or nonbinary, and thus I tend to stay pretty quiet on that front over here. Ain't my place to tell people who know better what to do, and I'm not trying to do that here. However, after having made a lot of friends under the trans umbrella, after being lucky enough to have some of those friends share with me some of their struggles, their joys, their lives, and after noticing a couple of patterns in their journeys... I think there is one message I would like to share that may help some of you to hear, if you'll give me a minute of your time, and I think it may have to come specifically from a cis person.

The message is this: If your cisgender friends are good friends, you being your true self is not a burden to them.

For the people in the back: If your cisgender friends are good friends. You being your true self with gender. Is not a burden to them.

I didn't know my friend in high school was trans until he transitioned socially and I heard his new name. He didn't tell me first because I was raised fundamentalist Christian and probably did not look like a safe person to tell; when I pulled him aside in class so no one else could hear us, told him he could tell me to buzz off if he was uncomfortable, and politely asked for confirmation on pronouns, I remember the surprise and joy on his face. It took me about five minutes of chanting his new name and pronouns in the shower to get it to stick in my brain. That tiny amount of effort was nothing compared to seeing him pull himself out of the depressive funk dysphoria had put him in, of celebrating senior year when he legally changed his name, of drawing him a snowflake dragon for Christmas and hiding the trans flag colors in the shimmer of the ice so it would get past our conservative school's radar. We became closer friends after he came out because I knew him better and he knew he could trust me. He got me my first ace ring. I was not only supporting him, but learning from him, and sharing in his joy.

The genderfluid roommate in college took me a little longer to adapt to, I'll be honest, I was still learning, but hey - it turns out it's not really that hard to check the pronoun pins on a lanyard before you address someone. It's pennies when that person comes along to teach you the wonders of thrift shopping and takes you to meet a drag queen for the first time. I've met so many people online whose identities I do not always intuitively understand, but who I support anyway, and who have made me consider so many new things. It's not a burden to know about my friends' journey when it comes to gender, it's a privilege to know them more deeply and be trusted in that way. It's a new dimension to this person I already love, that's all.

Look, I am not saying that all your cis friends are going to be perfect, that we're not going to fuck up occasionally because we don't know better or we had a bad day, that we understand everything - we're not, we will, and we don't. I am not saying that everyone is a safe person to talk to either - god knows that's not true, unfortunately. But. If your worry about expressing yourself is of being a nuisance, of burdening someone with your problems or needs, of being too much or too out-there or too confusing, consider this: Your friends may not only be willing to learn and help you, they may be happy to. In a true friendship, both people benefit from one person's joy. If you're happy because you're able to be your honest self, they'll be happy too. Suddenly that weird shyness and sadness they saw from you but didn't know the cause of has gone away. Heck, maybe they'll learn from you and start following in your genderfunky footsteps. Or maybe you'll just have a cis friend who texts you celebration emojis when you have a good gender day, or is there when you wake up from surgery, or goes shopping for new outfits with you, or even brings over ice cream when you're having a hard time. And then you both get ice cream. Come on. This is what friends do.

Be safe, of course. Trust your judgment when it comes to sharing information. But if you're simply scared, try to balance out the fear of what you may lose with the thought of what you may also stand to gain. Don't let the anxiety beast turn your identity into a problem. It's not a burden, it's a part of you, and the people who love you will love to meet it.

#transgender #nonbinary #genderfluid #i hope these are the right tags like i said i don't go here much #i simply thought people could use a bit of positivity based off my own experiences #because this myth of being a burden is something i've seen a few times now but not true. not with people who love you

[flashbastardsramblings]

I absolutely love the fact that Ed chose to paint himself as the bride. It was not only because the 'male' cake topper happened to resemble Stede. He truly envisioned himself that way. If he wanted, he could have easily altered the cake topper in order to resemble a man. But he didn't. Apart from changing the bride's skin colour, he chose to alter the dress and paint it in a very specific way. He truly imagines himself as a potential bride in his and Stede's imaginary future wedding.

And I fucking love it. You have no idea how much this means to me. As a person who was assigned female at birth, I'm starting to question my gender identity and realising that I have in fact a very complicated relationship with my gender. And then I saw Blackbeard, someone who in the eyes of pretty much all the men around him (in particular Izzy, Pete and even Stede) is the archetype of the ideal masculine man, imagining himself as a beautiful bride wearing a fucking beautiful dress. It feels so fucking cathartic, so freeing.

Our Flag Means Death does a beautiful job at depicting various types and expressions of gender identity. Even the characters that aren't trans are allowed to explore and express their gender with so many beautiful ways, without being judged for not conforming to the expected gender roles (with the exception of Stede, who was bullied both as a child and as an adult and Izzy's mean comments to Ed after the break up, but I think you get my point).

But back to Ed. Ed is the 'typical' masculine man, behaving the way it was expected of him. But throughout the show, and with Stede's help, he is allowed to step out of his 'usual self' and be who he wants to be. He gets to be someone who wears frilly shirts and silk pants and does silly little bows. He gets to be the man who dresses fancy from head to toe and weaves little purple bows in his beard. For a while, he gets to be just Ed, having fun and expressing himself.

And then, in a moment of depression and yearning, he actively imagines himself as a bride. Even in his darkest, most desperate moments, his 'true' self shines through. And I think that's beautiful.

On a final note, I love the fact that Ed being the bride and Stede the groom doesn't refer to the classic ‘who's the man and who's the woman in the relationship’. It's just two men, who choose to express their gender identities in many beautiful ways, and I think that's beautiful, and exactly what a lot of us needed.

This goes to all my fellow trans, queer and questioning friends, for whom this show is also a source of warmth and much needed comfort.

#our flag means death #our flag means death season 2 #ofmd season 2 #ofmd #edward teach #ed teach #blackbeard #stede bonnet #the gentleman pirate #ed x stede #gentlebeard #blackbonnet #stede x edward #taika waititi #rhys darby #i love gay people

[they-them-that]

Light trigger warning: gender roles, misogyny, transphobia

I love Ouran Highschool Host Club and with the Shoujo classic that it is, I adopted the general consensus that the show was "ahead of its time" with how it portrayed gender. Haruhi will always be a non-binary icon but upon rewatching it, especially after my own trans awakening, I remembered something that never sat right with me and that was how Tamaki treated Haruhi. My two cisgender friends didn't seem to pick up on the same problems even though they also consider Haruhi to be non-binary which made me think I was just projecting onto the anime. But another friend of mine later told me how it was much more "heterosexual" than she remembered that helped validate the feeling I had.

Although Haruhi doesn't like to make a fuss about gender, the anime does and it constantly reminds us that no matter what Haruhi feels, she is still a "girl". Tamaki is the worst offender of this mentality where even his entire perspective on Haruhi changes as soon as he finds out she's afab. A huge part of Tamaki's character is that he dotes on Haruhi "like a father" where his actions are actually founded on the authoritative, patriarchal belief that he needs to "protect" her because she is a woman. Not just protect her from actual harm either but from things like kissing someone and wearing a swimsuit...

Although in certain ways, we're supposed to laugh at Tamaki's overbearing nature, he's never actually taught to respect Haruhi's autonomy. In what felt like every episode, Tamaki fixates on Haruhi's assigned sex much to her annoyance. Yet rather than learning to look at Haruhi as a person regardless of gender, we're expected to see his obsession with upholding gender roles as a sign of affection. This felt clearest in episode 8, "The Sun, the Sea, and the Host Club!" where Haruhi confronts two men for harassing her female peers. She gets shoved into the water where Tamaki saves her but the conflict arises when he scolds Haruhi for standing up to men at all. The message emphasizes to us that "Haruhi is a girl" and it's something that she has to accept for her own well being while Tamaki's anger is meant to be perceived as chivalrous rather than patriarchal and heteronormative. The reality is, even if Haruhi was in danger, that isn't actually her fault but the fault of the men who felt entitled to women's bodies (something Tamaki is guilty of, even if not to the same level of aggression).

I still cherish OHSHC but it hasn't fully stood the test of time as I've been led to believe. That's not to rob gender queer people the comfort they feel from the show but that for myself, it's a bit hard to look past the cishet energy that the anime exudes. Although I see Haruhi as non-binary, the show doesn't seem to agree and goes great lengths to invalidate Haruhi's gender indifference. It's tragically common in anime and manga where trans-coded afab characters are reminded that they're still women and it's usually "proven" to them through patriarchal scenarios that put CIS men in a role of dominance. A lot of the time, these women are only gender nonconforming out of happenstance or circumstance rather than by choice, which even includes Haruhi Fujioka (she only cut her hair because there was gum in it). That's not to conflate gender expression with identity but it does feel like we're only being met half way, especially when the anime still romanticizes the gender dichotomy with Haruhi and Tamaki's relationship. I would've loved to see Tamaki be able to toss the notion of gender the same way Haruhi is able to and have that be the groundwork in which their mutual feelings blossom. Instead, it just felt like we got a man who stubbornly wants someone who grew up without gender labels to visualize herself the way he does, as a "woman".

#ouran high school host club #ohshc #haruhi fujioka #tamaki suoh #tw transphobes

[76blades]

I can no longer stay silent.

I always feel bad for venting out loud, whether it be publicly or to my Twitter circle (which I have been doing a lot lately, and I’m sorry if it’s been distressing (…my point exactly)). But things have not been ok, nor have shown any significant chances of getting better anytime soon. I know I’m gonna be beating myself up later for posting this, but I’m sick and tired and I can’t stay quiet. I’m desperate for change.

For those who don’t know, Winter’s family (and job) has been severely mentally and emotionally abusing her, and it’s not just because of her gender identity. They’ve threatened and harassed her over her showing any negative emotions, her body, her interests, the food she eats, you name it. Granted, it’s not my tale to tell, but it has been BAD as of late for her, and it definitely has affected me. I might be going through some similar stuff with my dad, but he’s nothing compared to them.

Speaking of, for those who don’t know about my dad, he’s a slightly better version of Winter’s parents; a well-intended asshole but still an asshole. He has caused me to question my sanity and safety several times, and he refuses to acknowledge my anxiety as anything serious, and believes it’s something I can easily control and/or an act I put on. He’s been trying to pull me into college even though I’ve told him several times that I don’t want to, and he’s told me several times that if I don’t follow his advice then I’m only gonna end up nowhere. He certainly doesn’t believe anything regarding Winter’s situation either, and views it all with rose-tinted glasses. 

He also demands to know my entire schedule for the week, that I laugh at his jokes or smile when I don’t want to; and he even touches my shoulders and back without my consent, and he’ll get mad when I express my discomfort. I was dreading having to move back in with him because I knew this would all be happening, only for it to be so much worse. I don’t even feel comfortable recording when he’s home because I’m afraid of him yelling and/or making fun of me. And yet, it’s funny and sad how he’s an absolute saint compared to Winter’s family.

Winter and I have been breaking our backs trying to save up for a new home, but our jobs have been cruel to us on top of our families. We’re being overworked and underpaid, and a good chunk of our paychecks goes towards food and travel expenses. And while we’ve been trying our best to push our comms, we’re still a far way from freedom.

I don’t ever want to come off as a beggar for money, attention, etc., and I feel anxious whenever I boost my comms because of that, and yet I also feel like that’s exactly what I’m doing here. But I need to be transparent with you all about my and Winter’s situation. I am truly afraid that one of might truly snap, with the little remaining of our sanity vanishing in an instant. Tbh I feel like that person is more likely to be me than her. 

Regardless, I’m unsure of what else to do right now other than to keep boosting commissions and whatnot (and I might make a Ko-Fi goal too, idk), but I want to keep finding affective (and healthy) ways to spread awareness of our situation and help bring us a few steps closer to where we want to be.

I know I’ve said that I feel like I’m waiting for a miracle that won’t come, but maybe you all could help us bring that miracle to life. Thank you all for taking time out of your day to read this and support us.

I will be attaching links to my comms and Ko-Fi, as well as Winter’s. If you have any questions or would like to consider commissioning us, feel free to DM or Email either of us.

TLDR: Winter and I are being abused. We're desperate to leave our perspective toxic environments, and we need some extra help.

My Commissions | My Ko-Fi | Winter's Commissions | Winter's Ko-Fi

[supercriminalbean]

Born this way

Spencer Reid x Trans male Reader.

Summary: Reid wants to introduce his trans boyfriend to the team, but first he has to deal with some family issues first.

Words: 21.8k

Warning: Transphobia. Homophobia. Swearing. Crying. Fluff. A Lot of Angst. Depression. Many mental breaks down. Panic attacks. Transphobe Gideon mentioned. Abusive family. Drug addiction mentioned. Alcohol consumed. If I have missed anything let me know. 

A/N: This one-shot means a lot to me by the way. But I’m sorry because this gets deep at points, yes I may have started projecting at certain points my bad. Reader is Gideon's son, Rossi Godson. There are a lot of cute Uncle Rossi moments in this. I love it. (I have many daddy issues he fixes them) I might write a part two where Jason and the reader fix their relationship. Also flashbacks of how Reader grew up and how Rossi and Aaron became protective of him. But that won’t be for awhile if I do, let me know If you would like that though. Thank you for your time.

1989

“No, I wanna dress like a Prince, don't wanna be a Princess” You whine as he holds up the brand new Cinderella dress he has just bought you.

“You want to be a prince” He sighs softly. He hates seeing you look so hurt at the sight of the new dress, he sets it back down. “Why do you want to be a prince huh, you just want to copy your older brother?” He already knew that wasn’t the real answer but he needed to know how you really feel, without him profiling you. 

“Because I’m a boy, and boys are meant to be Prince's not Princess” You stubbornly cross your arms looking up at him. A small mad looking smile on your face, one that looks crazily similar to your fathers.

“You're a boy huh, so now there's two little Gideon boys running around, Lord help us” He chuckles softly watching as your face lights up.

“I'm gonna be a better brother than my brother” You laugh squeaky, excited by his reaction. Your little child mind is already used to abuse and bullying, when expressing how you feel about your gender. So seeing how happy your uncle is for you, just makes your little heart flutter with happiness. 

“Have you told your dad yet?” He asks as he sits down on the couch beside you, trying his hardest to keep his smile on his face. He already knows how your parents feel about these types of ‘situations’.

“I told him the other day, he told me I’ll always be his daughter, I don’t understand why he won’t listen to me, him and mummy don’t get it” You sigh heavily leaning your head on his arm, you know your uncle will always listen to you. 

“I’ll talk to them Tesoro, we will get them to listen to you” He smiles sadly, knowing this is going to be a difficult road for you. “In the meantime, shall I go find your brother's old Prince’s costume” He looks down at you, seeing a big grin spreading across your face as you jump back up.

“Yessss, I'm going to be the best Prince Charming”

“Well Prince Charming, one day you are going to find your own Princess” He smiles as he gets up.

“Ew no way girls have cooties, I'm going to marry another Prince, Uncle Dave” You screw your face up at him which makes Rossi chuckle as he walks out. 

Growing up.

While growing up your dad seemed to always be working and was never around while you and your older brother grew up. You never had a good relationship with him or your mum, they never respect your pronouns or your chosen name. Your dad only started coming around to your gender identity once you moved out and started cutting him and your mum out of your life at age 18, (9 years ago.) But due to everything that happened when you were growing up, the relationship never healed between you and your parents. You haven't spoken to them in over 4 years now. You and your brother aren’t close but still talk occasionally, Stephen was always by your side growing up. He tried to be the overprotective brother you need in your life growing up.

Your Uncle Dave tried his best to stay in your life, but after he finished working with your Dad it became difficult. Their relationship was strained due to the fact he never liked the way your parents treated you. He always sent you postcards and letters whenever he went on his trips and even copies of his books. You were so proud of him when he became an author, your dad said he was full of himself. But you didn’t care, he was your Uncle and you told everyone about his books. You were barely able to catch up with him due to your parents but when you did he always bought you gifts, and even helped you with things that helped ease your gender and body dysmorphia. When you turn 20 he even gave you enough money to get top surgery. You remember crying in his arms and telling him how you wish he was your dad instead of Jason. 

When Dave got back into the FBI, 5 years ago. You had gotten angry with him, and your relationships with him started becoming strained. You were slowly losing touch but you knew deep down that the fatherly love he has for you could never die. 

2012.

You had been dating Spencer Reid for five months now, and the last five months had been amazing. It had taken a while to get used to his work schedule but it just made you value the time you spent with him more. Spencer treats you like a prince, when he spends time with you he makes sure he is focusing on you. He always tries to not bring work with him on dates, the occasional times when he would get called away he always made sure to make it for it. He would buy you coffees and books, then turn up at your workplace to surprise you when he gets home early from a case. Spencer loves surprising you, seeing the way your face lights up when he would just walk into your job.  

You always tell Spencer that he spoils you too much, but he disagrees. He doesnt think he spoils you enough. He knows you deserve to be showered with more gifts and when he's with you, he wants to show you how much he cares about everything you have to say. He loves hearing you rambling about your days, he knows you never got that type of attention beforehand. It breaks his heart when you apologise for talking too much, especially about the things you love. He understands what it can feel like when people say talking too much is a bad thing, but that is something he strongly disagrees with. The joy and excitement he feels when you talk, warms him up like nothing ever has before.

~~~

Spencer Reid loves being your Boyfriend because of how sweet and adorable you are with him, making sure he always knows how much you care for him. You might not be the type of guy to send texts, telling him how much you love and miss him when he's away. Instead you send him texts asking him if he has eaten yet, asking him how much sleep he has had that day. Telling him off gently, if you don’t get the response you like, which results in him smiling and blushing, specially when you praise him for doing his best during tough cases. He remembers the time the team had finally figured out he was dating, only due to the fact he wouldn't stop smiling at one of your texts.

Flashback.

The team had been away on a case for four days and they were close to finding the identity of the unsub, and tracking down the whereabouts of him. Currently Hotch and Rossi were on their way back from the morgue, stopping to get dinner on the way back. JJ, Emily, and Morgan were sitting at the table discussing the profile and victimaliz. All of them glance over at Reid occasionally, who's standing in front of the map, but he is seemingly more interested in his phone. Spencer's face is covered in the biggest grin the three profilers have ever seen from him. His eyes having this different sparkle in them, as he types away quickly. Emily smirks at the other two, raising her eyebrow, the other two give her the knowing look. Everyone has noticed how happy Reid had been the last few weeks, making everyone talk in between themself. They had all come to the conclusion that he was indeed dating. Morgan and Emily were certain it was a girl he was talking to, but JJ and Garcia had disagree they were pretty sure he was hiding the fact it was a boy. Hotch and Rossi weren’t getting into that part of the conversation, just shaking their heads at the childish argument their team were having. Reid had come out years ago about being bisexual, but no one had ever met any of his dates before. He liked keeping that part of himself private until he was sure it was serious.

~~~

“So pretty boy, who's got you smiling like that?” Morgan smirks, calling out to him, pulling Reid away from his thoughts. Blushing as he looks up at the three profilers who are spread around the table, all gawking at him.

“Shut it Morgan” Reid clears his throat awkwardly, shoving his phone into his pocket.

“Aw come on Reid that's not polite” Emily teases him, her elbows resting on the table, her chin resting in her hands lending towards the poor boy. “You should apologise by telling us why you were smiling at your phone like that” Emily smirks as Morgan and JJ snigger quietly. Reid cheeks burn lightly as he sits back down, allowing himself to smile at the thought of telling his friends all about you. 

“Wait wait, hold up, look at that little smile on his face” Morgan teases him, leaning over pinching his cheeks quickly. Only to get swatted away.

“You normally tell us to back off Spence, this person must be special huh?” JJ smiles softly at Reid, as Morgan sits back at his seat chuckling as Reid nods at her smiling softly. 

~~~

Hotch and Rossi arrive, with Garcia on the phone. Making the team put their conversation on hold and back onto the case. Garcia gives them more information on their victims and could be unsub. Reid could feel his phone vibrating, holding back a small smile knowing that it's you. Once Garcia has ended the phone call, the team finally starts getting into their dinner, giving Reid the chance to check the texts you had sent him. It took all his strength not to let out a small chuckle.

Bean:  You better have had you dinner by now Spency, cos Bubbles sure is digging in.

The photo you had sent finally loading on his phone. It was you snuggled up on the couch, under your comfort blanket trying to eat your favourite takeaway, with your cat trying to steal it from the container. 

~~~

Spencer couldn't stop the small laugh that escaped the laugh that leaves his lips, staring at the photo. He couldn’t believe how much joy he could feel, from just seeing a small glimpse of you on his phone. Deciding he would also send a photo back of himself with his dinner, picking up his food quietly, not paying attention to the rest of the team. If Reid was paying attention he would have noticed how quiet the room has gotten after his small laugh, how everyone kept giving each other the look. How Morgan has now gotten up and is making his way over to stand behind Reid, crouching down so he can look at his phone thinking he can go without being noticed. The team having to suppress their laughter watching Morgan trying to be sneaky, the big grin across his face quickly fades to an ‘Oh shit I’ve been caught’ look. When he realises Reid's front camera is open, and that he's just photobombed Reids selfie.  

“Morgan you ruined my photo” Reid groans, putting his phone down, turning around to glare at the man, while the team laughs at them. Morgan chuckles awkwardly, giving him his best older brother face. 

“Hey it's not my fault, if you would just tell us who's got you being so secretive, I wouldn’t need to be looking over your shoulder” Morgan smirks as he sits down beside him, playfully pretending to pick up Reid's phone. Reid quickly swats his hand away, moving his phone away.

“Can’t me and my boyfriend have some privacy around here” Reid smirks softly. Unlocking his phone again, sending you the photo of him and Morgan to you. 

~~~

“Ha, you two owe me and Garcia drinks next night out” JJ cheers happily. Smirking at Emily as she groans. 

“Wait, you guys bet on me being in a relationship?” Reid asks looking up, giving them a pointed look.

“Oh no it was clear you were in a relationship” Hotch smirks, shaking his head.

“They betted on whether or not it was with a girl or a guy” Rossi adds in, chuckling. 

“Speaking about bets, how long have you two been dating for?” Morgan asks, wiggling his eyebrows at the kid who blushes lightly. 

“Can you guys stop betting on my lovelife please, and officially we’ve been dating 12 weeks and 2 days” 

“Atta boy, that means I win” Rossi raises his drink up at Reid, making the team break out in laughter once more.

“So Spence, when do we get to meet this mystery boy of yours?” JJ asks, smiling at him, even if he's been trying to hide it. She hasn’t seen him this happy in years, and wants to meet and check out whoever this new person is in her best friend's life.  

“Oh uh I don’t know maybe in a few weeks” Reid shrugs “It's still all new, but trust me when you guys meet him, you will all love him, he's amazing” A smile creeps across his face, one that's full of love and hope. One the team hasn't seen him wear before, they can’t wait to watch Reid on the road of love. 

 End flashback.

You’re laying on the couch reading one of David Rossi books, it’s one of your comfort books when you’re having a bad day. You keep glancing at the clock, time seems to be passing by slowly tonight, just waiting for your boyfriend to turn up. Getting tired of waiting, you pick up your phone, rereading the last text saying he had land and he would be leaving the office in 15. That was 40 minutes ago, would you seem too clingy if you rang him, asking where he was? You probably would, but seeing as you haven't seen him in almost a week you didn’t really care anymore. Pressing the call button beside his name, moving the phone beside your ear, waiting for him to answer. 

“Hello this is Dr Reid” His voice rings out, sounding so professional. But you could just tell how exhausted he is, not even looking at the caller ID.

“Well hello Dr Reid, mm you almost sound like a professional, Amore” You tease him softly, hearing his soft laugh escape him.

“Hey (Y/n), I'm sorry I'm running a little behind with this paperwork, If Morgan didn’t keep distracting me I would be done by now” He sighs dramatically, hearing some voices in the background, and what sounds like some struggling. Laughing at the childish behaviour, you could just imagine what was happening. That being your boyfriend and his best friend joking with each other again. Spencer has told you many, many stories of their pranking wars before, and you could only feel sorry for their team. 

“Hey no no no Morgan, get off me Derek get off” Spencer grunt out at the man, trying to shove him away. But he's too late as Morgan manages to snatch the phone out of his hand and rushes away from the boy. 

~~~

“So this must be Spencer's boyfriend, (Y/n) right” Derek's cheekily voice breaks through the phone as you laugh, guessing what has just happened. 

“That's me, Derek right, did you steal my boyfriend's phone just to talk to me?” You laugh, albe to put his voice to his face. Remembering the photo Spencer sent you a couple months ago that Derek had accidentally photobombed.

“Oh that I did, I need to know who keeps distracting and making my pretty boy blush all the time” Derek chuckles softly, and you could hear Spence protesting in the background.

“Aw I make him blush, guess I'm just that special” Laughing quietly, shaking your head, “I guess I just have the effect on men, just wait until you meet me in person Derek”

“Ohh that I can not wait to do baby, trust me Reid can not shut up about you we all are dying to meet you so we better be meeting you soon or Garcia is going to die from not being able to gossip away with you” Derek explains dramatically, you thought. 

“Well I'm sure I can meet you all soon, Just once I can get our schedules all organised for once” You promise him, smiling. Enjoying the idea of meeting the team that your boyfriend never seems to be able to stop talking about. 

“Okay, Finally” Derek cheers happily, as you hear a few Reid nosies, before Morgan yells a quick bye.

“Im back” Reid huffs laughing, earning a soft chuckle from you.

“So that was Derek Morgan huh?” 

“Oh that it was, looking if it's too soon, we don’t need to worry about all this” Spencer's words start rushing and mumbling together, like they do when he gets too nervous. Quick to calm his nerves down, you cut him off.

“Spence, I would love to meet your team one day soon, but right now I just miss you, when are you leaving, because I really want cuddles and so we can talk about our week and just relax” You smile slightly, hearing his breathing relax. Knowing his shoulder would have just rolled backwards in the same motions.

“I’m putting my files away right now then I’m on my way to your place, I’ll be there in 15” Spencer tries to relax from your words, but something in your tone just doesn't sit right with him. He still doesn’t know why you rang him, normally you would just wait for him to turn up even an hour late.“Hey so why did you ring before, is everything alright?”

“Yeah I'm fine bambino, I’ll see you soon, I love you” Your voice comes off trying to sound strong, forcefully.

“Okay, I love you too (Y/n)” A chorus of Awws and cheers ring through the phone before Spencer hangs up.

~~~

You were in the Kitchen cleaning the bench when you heard the door open, hearing Spencer footsteps and his quiet voice talking to the cat. Who ran straight over to him, meowing happily to see her second favourite human. 

“Hey (Y/N), where are you?” Spencer calls out, quickly giving Bubbles a small pat. His smile fading as his eyes scan across the living room, hearing you call back from the kitchen. He couldn’t help but profile the room, even if he didn’t do it as a job it would be hard to miss that something was wrong. One of your comfort movies is playing, the one you watch on repeat when you're feeling low and anxious. You never like leaving your dishes or trash around, worried it would attract mice and rats. But today, there are empty cans of soda and energy drinks and packets of snacks, shoved behind the couch. Your weighted blankets laid careless on the ground, covered in crumbles. Something you hate, due to the fact it normally makes you feel even more dirty and itchy. Otherwise the room looks spotless like you had done a deep clean of the whole room the day early. Placing his bag down on the couch, as he makes his way over to the kitchen, he can't help but notice how the house looks and smells completely cleaned. As if you have deep clean every surface you could, which he knows you like to do when you're feeling powerless. 

~~~

You're standing in front of the fridge, staring absently into it, not even noticing Spencer approaching. You're looking exhausted, with dark bags underneath your eyes. Your face is paler than normal, your body looking sluggish. Letting out a soft irritated sigh, as you close the fridge with a bit more force than you meant to. 

“Hey Beanie” Spencer speaks your nickname softly. He walks over slowly, watching you worried. You flinch at the noise, flinging around to look at where those words came from. 

“Oh hey, um sorry, I must have been distracted” You smile weakly, turning around to give him a welcome home hug. That he happily embraces, wrapping his arms around you. Resting his head on your shoulder, as you hide your head in his chest. His eyes roam around the kitchen seeing a large pile of dishes just been recently washed, still drying. He could feel how tired your body is in his arms, the way your breathing is more deep and controlled. Almost as if you're focusing on matching your breathing to his. Something you do when your anxiety plays up in public, or when you’re having trouble trying to sleep. 

~~~

When you slowly pull away from his warm arms, looking up at him. His concerned eyes staring down into yours, his hand gently cups your check.

“Are you alright, love?” His voice stays soft, not wanting to overwhelm you.

“Im fine, you're the one who just came back from a week long case” You brush off his question, breaking eye contact with him as you lie. You're not ready to tell him how you're feeling inside, scared you would fall apart right there in his arms. It wouldn’t be the first time he would see you cry, but that doesn’t mean you like letting your boyfriend watch you break apart. 

“Don’t do that” He sighs, as you step back refusing to look at him. “Don’t avoid the question, you now I can tell something isn’t right, I'm here when your ready to tell me about it” 

Nodding in response, still refusing to look at him again. “I know” Taking a deep breath, slowly glancing back at him, taking him in properly this time. His eyes have small bags underneath, the clothing he's wearing have small marks and stains on the tops. Knowing his clothes usually get dirty when he's been rushing to finish cases. Taking in his body langues seeing how stress and tired he looks. Starting to feel guilty for adding to his pile of stress, hating how you can’t just handle your own emotions and personal issues without him noticing. 

~~~

“Spence, why don’t you go have a shower and I’ll make us some dinner, then we can watch some tv” You smile weakly at him, he watches you carefully as he thinks about it.

“You don’t need to cook, it's getting late you know”

“I know, but you probably have been living off takeaways all week”

“And one more day won’t kill me” He smirks lightly, making you laugh quietly.

“You know what, I think I have Pizza in the freezer, think that will do?” You smirk, shaking your head lightly, as you walk over opening the freezer door. Spencer walks over wrapping his arms around your waist. Resting his head on your shoulder hiding his face in the crock of your neck.  

“Frozen pizza and cuddles sounds perfect to me” He exhales, kissing your neck gently. You smile softly, relaxing into his touch. 

“Good, now go shower” 

~~~

You're laying on the couch, the food waiting on the table beside you as you scroll through the tv channel, looking for something new to watch. Getting lost in the cooking show that is playing, patting Bubbles who's happily snuggled down in your lap. Spencer walks out seeing you cuddled up on the couch smiling a little, the worry for you still hasn't eased up. 

“Hey, what are you watching?” He calls out quietly so as to not startle you, walking over to the couch. Settling down beside you, giving Bubbles a few pats when she meows for attention, again. 

“Some cooking show, they are meant to be making pasta but they are doing it all wrong” You sigh, shaking your head at the contents on the television. “Do they not know your not suppose to burn the onions before you add them to the dish, also the way they are handling the pasta is horrible they need to be delicate with it, not ruthless like come on” Huffing lightly, as you move yourself to cuddle into Spencer shoulder, being carefully to not disturb Bubbles to much. Leaning into his touch as he wraps his arm around your shoulders, relaxing slowly into his touch. The heat from the shower rationing off his body, his light chuckle being the exact combination you need for your body to be able to relax and know that you're safe. 

“Someone knows their pasta” He smirks softly, feeling a bit more confident feeling you relax in his arms. 

“Oh I do, I was taught from a young age all the correct things to do if you want to make the perfect pasta, If you don’t feel like doing it right then stay out of the kitchen I use to be told” Laughing lightly, reaching over to grab the plate of pizza seating beside you. “I told him I would just order pizza instead” 

“So you have always been sassy since a young age?” Spence's laugh is light as air and full of joy and sweetness. Reaching for a slice of the pizza watching you as he eats.

“Oh definitely, I blame my Uncle. He may have taught me how to make amazing pasta but that means he also taught me his Italian sarcasm as well” Your laughter starts dying off after you mention your Uncle. Glancing down quickly trying to avoid Spencer stares as you grab a piece of pizza. Starting to eat and turn back to the tv, letting the conversation drop out. 

~~~

You keep trying to get back into the show but you can’t seem to focus, your mind keeps wandering back to your family. The text message you had received the other day having just hurt you more than you really think it would. The one guy who was suppose to still be by your side, was once again choosing your parents over you. Fuck the pain in your chest feeling just like it had when you were in high school. Sniffling quietly, not even noticing the tears sliding down your cheeks as you will yourself to pay more attention to the people on the television. Spencer glances down at you, feeling you move closer into his side. His face dropping instantly as he notices the tears sliding down your face. The hopeless look in your eyes going straight to his heart. His hand slides across your shoulder, cupping your face gently wiping away at the tears softly. 

“Love, what's wrong?” He whispers lovingly, his hand staying firmly on your face as you look up at him.

“N nothing bambino, it's the Tv show, it's just so sad” You laugh fakely knowing how bad the lie is, sighing as you shrug your shoulders. 

“That's crap, I know you love pasta, but crying because they add the wrong cheese to the dishes” Spencer half laughs giving you a look, pulling his hand away, as you pull away from him, sitting up straightly. Bubbles meows angrily as she jumps off your lap, running away, Spencer leans over, placing the empty dinner plate and turning the T.V off with the remote. 

~~~

“That's it talk to me” Spencer turns to face you properly, watching you closely, picking up on your body langues. The way it tenses as you straighten up more, turning to look at him, your eyes spinning with emotions. Crossing your legs underneath you, you're trying everything you can to try and seem smaller.

“It's just been a hard week, works been so busy this week, all the shipment for the bookshop is behind and we are so under staff at the moment, it's just getting to me I guess” You exhale deeply, avoiding his stare, instead you focus on the small scratch on the wall behind him. “Also I ran into someone the other day, which brought up some unwelcome memories from years ago I guess, I know I should just get over it because it wasn’t even that big of a deal but somehow they just won’t leave my brain alone” Letting out an mentally exhausted breath, feeling the walls you built up slowly come down. Your hands playing with each other in your lap, helping with your anxiety. “I thought I worked through my issues. I told myself once I was done with them I would never think of them again, but just seeing him again it” Your voice trails off slowly as it begins to waver with sadness and anger, blinking back a few tears that start to appear. Your eyes flick over to Spencers as you feel his hand gently take yours in his. His eyes send a warm, soft feeling into your heart, making you feel safe. His hazel eyes having always had that effect on you since the moment you met him. Smiling softly as you feel the love and affect he can give you with no words. Actions always meant more to you than words ever did. 

“Love, did you really work through your trauma or did you just bury it away and pretend it never existed?” He kept his voice soft and careful of the way he worded it. Studying you closer, watching as the realisation and devastation hits, the light in your eyes slowly disappears.

“Your right, I thought hiding from my problems would fix it” Taking a deep breath as you feel a sharp pain hitting your chest, suddenly a painfully wrenching cry pushes its way out of you. With such a powerful force that shoves you forward, almost off the couch. Spencer moves swiftly, wrapping you up in his arms before you could fall. 

~~~

“I'm sorry I’m so sorry, I shouldn't be crying others have It worse” You ramble through the crying. Trying so hard to fight the breakdown your body is compelling you to have. 

“Stop it, stop it, you need to let it out, it's healthy to let your emotions process and I'm right here I'm not going anywhere” He whispers firmly, his lips pressing against your forehead. His arms around your waist securely, pulling you even further into his chest. Your hands grab ahold of his hoodie, needing something to hold as you break down in his arms. The flashbacks of everything your parents used to say to you growing up, fresh in your mind. The way they use to make you feel, the empty feeling when they wouldn’t show up to your important events. Your brother is always more important than you, to both of your parents. Your father always ignored him as well, work to him was always his number one purpose. But he would still openly love him more than you.

~~~

Trying to shake those memories and feelings out of your mind, taking a deep breath calming yourself down steadily. Listening to your boyfriend's heartbeat and never noticing that something so quiet could be so loud and make the most beautiful pattern in times of need. Slowly you loosen your grip on his hoodie, pulling your hands away to wipe your face. 

“Thank you” Mumbling under your breath as you take a small breath trying to find the strength to face him.

“Don’t need to thank me, I'm alway here for you” Spencer smiles lovingly down at you, as he moves your hair out of your face carefully.

“I know but still I’ve never had someone stay with me when I’ve cried the way I do, It means alot not having to hide my feelings” Smiling lightly, as you move more into a comfortable cuddling position. 

“Well I’m glad you can do that with me now” He smiles back, kissing your forehead, his arms wrapping around you. 

~~~

“So do you want to tell me who you ran into the other day?”

Sighing softly as you lean your head into his lap, closing your eyes.

“I saw my brother out and about with his girlfriend and my niece. So I was going to go over and say hi, but then I saw my dad was walking over to them. He was catching up to have coffee with them” Opening your eyes as you spit the last piece out with venom. Spencer stares down at you with pity and understanding. “Don’t look at me like that” Sighing as you cross your arms. 

“Okay I'm sorry you know i'm just worried about you, but why would your brother be catching up with your dad I thought he didn’t like him either”

“Well he reached up to Stephen a couple years ago, they’ve been trying to mend their relationship ever since then apparently. I just don't get why he would want him back in his life or even in his kids life, why would he want to do that” Shaking your head in frustration. 

“Maybe he's changed?” He shrugs, throwing out some suggestions. Stupid suggestions in your opinion. 

“No way, he's not capable of change” 

“Everyone is capable of changing you just need to allow them time to change”

“He had my whole life, I think that was enough time don’t you?” You retort back, rolling your eyes at him.

“Okay okay, I'm just trying to give ideas here.” Spencer defines himself, running his hand through your hair, calmly.

“Your right, I’m sorry I just thought Stephen would always be on my side when it came to our parents guess I was wrong, oh did I tell you what he said to me once I comfort him in text messages yesterday” Scoffing out, leaning your head further into his hand just like a cat does getting head scratches. 

“What did he say?”

“He told me that they had been meeting up behind my back for years and when I was told that my Nieces birthday party was cancelled last month, well it wasn’t cancelled I was just uninvited because our parents were going to be there and they didn’t want ME to start an argument” Huffing feeling emotionally drained. “I never start the arguments Spence I just stand up for myself, defend myself when I have to but apparently that's not allowed” Whimpering softly as you close your eyes, allowing yourself to sink evenfurther into his body. 

“I know baby, family isn't everything you know that right, I accept you and so will my family as well as my team. Garcia will demand we go to pride parades with her, you're going to love her” Spencer speaks bubbly, trying to lift your mood. Smiling softly as he watches the anger and sadness wash away from your face.  

“Thank you, I can’t wait to meet your team and also your mum one day” you smile up at him hopefully.

“Oh she has been begging me to bring you to meet her everytime I call her, I don't know how much longer we can hold off for” He laughs softly.

~~~

The next morning you were half surprised to wake up with your boyfriend's arms still wrapped around your waist. Normally he always gets called away for a case, so being able to sleep in with your boyfriend is definitely a treat. Smiling softly as you tilt your head up which is resting comfortable on his chest. Watching how peacefully he looks as he sleeps, all the worries and the concerns gone from his mind for a few hours. His messy wavy hair covering half his face, his lips a little swollen from the activities from the night before. The light hickeys on his neck make your chest burn with pride as you take them. Rubbing small circular patterns on his chest, taking deep breaths, breathing in his scent. The weight of all the stress from the last few days having been taken off. All by just having your boyfriend to listen to you and love you without judgement. 

~~~

“Morning love” Spencer's raspy morning voice breaks the silence of the room, smiling down at you on his chest. 

“Mm good morning bambino” You smile up at him, leaning up to kiss him gently. His hands resting softly against your naked back. “How did you sleep?” You ask after you break the kissing snuggling back down.

“Pretty well, better than I have in weeks” He smiles softly, running his hands down your back, leaving a trail of goosebumps. “How was your sleep, beans?”

“It was great, someone tired me out great last night” You tease him, your hand slows down rubbing circle patterns on his chest. 

“Mmm oh did I now?” He smirks down at you, a knowing look in his eyes. His hand slides down from your hair, sliding on to your neck tracing the hickeys he left the night before. Feeling the blood rush to your checks, biting your lips to stop the groan from slipping through your lips.

“Oh yeah you did Spence” Pulling away from the touch on your neck as you roll yourself on top of him. Your hands resting on the bed frame above his head, smirking down at him. He gazes up at you, need and lust in his eyes, licking his lips slowly as he takes you in. His hands come to slide up your back, holding you still as he pulls himself up to sit up properly.

Letting out a small whimper as you grind against him lightly, he laughs quietly as he brings you into another kiss. One of his hands slides up from your back to run through your hair. Yanking at it slightly, because you’re teasing him, grinding against him, smiling cheekily at him.

“Oh no you don’t Amora” Smirking as your hand slides down to his neck. Both of you jumping lightly at the sudden knocking at the door. 

“Just ignored it, it's properly the neighbours asking for something” You whisper leaning back down, kissing him harder as your hand wraps gently around his throat. His hand drops from your hair to slide down your body. Groaning softly into your mouth, letting you regain control over him.

“(Y/n) I know your home, open your door!” A familiar voice yells out banging even louder on the door, making you groan frustratedly as you pull away from your boyfriend.

“Oh for fucksake” Huffing as you look down at the confused look on Spencer's face.

“Ah who is that?”  Spencer asks, his eyebrows raising as he releases his grip on you as you regrettably get off him.

“My brother, please stay in here, this is not how you two are meant to meet” You sigh as you walk out quickly, pulling on some pants.

~~~

The banging and yelling continues at the door as you rush around quickly. Throwing one of your shirts on not having time to button it up as you're opening up the door. 

“Hold on Stephen Im coming” You yell as you yank the door open. Staring up at him irritated, crossing your arms. “Why the hell are you here so early on a saturday morning Stephen seriously” 

“It's not that early, it's 9:30, you should be up by now” Stephen sighs, taking in your appearance as he walks in shutting the door behind him.

“Well I had a bit of a late night, and it was suppose to be a bit of a fun morning before you turned up” You smirk, glaring at him. Earning a disgusting gagging noise in return, along with an eye roll.

“I did not need to know that you have someone in the bedroom right now (Y/n), that's disgusting come on I don’t want to know how many one night stands you have” He shakes his head, disgusted at the thought of his brothers sex life.

“Oh shush It's just my boyfriend, I told you about him, remember?” 

“Oh right sorry, I didn’t realise you two were still serious.”

“Okay well Stephen why the hell are you here, I thought I already told you to fuck off the other day” You sigh allowing your anger to simmer down, leaning against the wall.

“Oh can you just chill out for a little while please, I know what I did was wrong and I already apologised I'm actually here about something else” Stephen exhales already regretting how this conversation is going. He wanted you to be in a more relaxed, forgiving mood before giving you this letter but it was too late to start again.

“Okay what is it, what's going on you have that look on your face” Your eyes narrow watching him closely, curiously. 

“It's about dad, he wants to talk to you he's sor—”

“No, no I don't want to talk about him” Standing up straight, your body becoming more tensen. The concern you have now fading back into the anger that is still fresh in your veins.

“(Y/n) please he's changed hes—”

“Has he changed, or has he only changed for you?” Scoffing lightly as you glare at him, trying to stop your voice from getting too loud. “How many times did you need to correct him on my pronouns or my name huh, he might spend time with you but that doesn’t mean he's changed enough to accept me” Your voice starts breaking a little at the end. Breaking eye contact with your brother as you feel the anger turning into tears.

“I didn’t have to, Dad respected you the other week at the birthday party. He even corrected other people about your pronouns, just give him one more chance” Stephen begs you softly, pulling something out of his pocket, staring at you when you don't respond. “He wrote you a letter, wanted me to give it to you” He held it out to you, but you didn't move to grab it. Your arms shaking mildly, your heart pounding away. The panic rises higher in your chest, making it feel like you're drowning. 

~~~

“Get out” You manage to mumble out, looking over at him finally. Stephen staring at you looking defeated.

“No, (Y/n) please you need to understand how he has changed please” Stephen begs, knowing its falling on empty ears.

“I think it's best you leave now” A voice appears behind you both. None of you had noticed that Spencer had entered the living room.

“I just wanted to explain everything to him” Stephen tries to explain to Spencer, almost begging him to understand.

“And you did that, but now it's time you go, He will text you later” Spencer speaks with a neutral tone. Trying his best to keep calm as he walks towards the door opening it wide for Stephen. Stephen sighs giving up, giving you one final look, as he walks out the door only stopping as he gets to Spencer. Holding the letter out to him with one last pleading look, Spencer takes it with a small nod closing the door behind him. 

~~~

You're lying down on the couch after taking a long hot shower. Calming down after the altercation with your brother early, playing on your phone as you do so. Sighing softly, feeling frustrated, why does your family have to be so complicated. The only family member who was always there for you, you haven't spoken to in months. After having a stupid, pointless argument with. 

“Hey, how are you feeling?” Spencer asks softly, as he sits near you, looking at you closely, with concern. The argument he had overheard early was wretching to hear. The pain in your voice, the tears and pain on your face hitting straight into his heart. He knows how much you value your brother's opinions, and knowing how much it must hurt you to think he betrayed you by taking your fathers side.  

“Im okay, Im sorry he ruined our morning early” You smile weakly trying to make a joke out of it all.

“It's okay, do you want to talk about” He places a comforting hand in your hair. You move  closer to him, lifting your head into his lap.

“Don’t want to talk about them any more” You shake your head, thinking about your Uncle instead. About how supportive he always is when it comes to family problems, no matter how old you are.

~~~

“I’ve told you stories about my Uncle Dave right?” You look up at Spences, a small smile tugging at your lips.

“The one who also works for the FBI right?” He questions, looking down at you. Confused at the change of subject.

“Yeah him. He was my rock growing up, the only one who ever accepted me for me” You smile lightly, staring up at the ceiling. “He was the best guy I ever had in my life, when my parents let me down he was always there picking up the pieces, he made sure he came to every single one of my events. He knew my parents were never there, he would get so mad at my dad. They used to be best friends, technically Daves my Godfather but I call him my Uncle” You smile increases as you talk about him. 

“He sounds like a great man, he's the one who gave you money to get top surgery right, the one who supported you through university when you wanted to become a writer” Spencer smiles as he sees you become more relaxed, lighting up as you speak about your Uncle.

“Yes him, dad always thought it was stupid but not Dave, he thought it was awesome, he's actually a writer as well” You take a breath as you feel your words leaving too quickly. “Once he retired from the FBI the first time around, he wrote his first book and became a famous author, I guess he inspired me a little bit to follow my dreams” 

“You know you still haven’t let me read any of your writing” Spencer teases you, running his hand through your hair.

“And you never will my love” You laugh, rolling your eyes playfully at him.

“Oh no you will show me one day” He smirks, “Okay, so your Uncle he's back in the FBI now, so what does he do?” 

“Oh I think he's in a similar field to you actually he's a profiler” You stand up, stretching a little feeling Spencer eyes ranking over your body, smirking to yourself. Walking over to your bookshelf that sits by the tv, pulling out one of David Rossi books.

~~~

“Actually he is one of the co-founders of the Behavioural analysis unit, back then it was known as behavioural science unit though, him and my dad found it together” You smile at Spencer as you sit back down but it quickly fades as you meet Spencer's eyes. His eyes fill with shock horror as he takes in the information you have just presented to him. “Spence, are you okay?” Your voice comes out quietly. Thinking or more likely hoping, that maybe he might just be surprised that you're related to famous FBI agents. 

“David Rossi, your uncle?” Spencer's voice comes out slowly, barely above a whisper, his eyes bouncing down to the book in your hand. “That would make Gideon your dad?” He gulps, his eyes widen as he puts the pieces together. Wondering to himself how he never noticed this beforehand, how could he be dating his mentor's son?

“Yeah Gideon, legally my last name” Taking a deep breath trying to decipher what his reaction is meant to mean. “Do you know them?”

“Jason Gideon was my mentor that I’ve told you about” 

“Wait wait wait, the one who got you into the FBI and the BAU unit at such a young age, that one?”

“Yeah him, he never mentioned that he had another child” Spencer's words come out with a mix of surprise and disgust at everything that he is learning about his old mentor and friend.

“I'm not surprised he tried not to mention me unless he had to” Taking his hand as you see it squeeze into a tight fist of anger. “I'm sorry Amore if I realised I wouldn’t have told you the way I did, I didn't put two and two together when you were saying Jason I just assumed it was a different Jason from the FBI” You sigh feeling guilty, upset that you may have just ruined your lovers view of his mentor. You know how much he idolises him and looks up to him. 

~~~

“It's okay, how did I not know your last name Gideon?” Spencer looks at you confused, raising an eyebrow, tilting his head to the side like a lost puppy does

“I normally go by my Mum maiden last name, it was better that why when I was going through university I just kept it that way” you shrug, it wasn’t something you meant to keep from him.

“That makes sense” He nods, still trying to wrap his head around it.

“So um, do you also know my Uncle, well Godfather David Rossi?” 

“Um yeah yeah I know him” Spencer half laughs nervously, looking at you guilty. “I work with him, that's the Dave I refer to, I spend more time with him than I do with you”

You can't help the laugh that leaves you, clapping a hand over your mouth quickly. “No fucking way, seriously?”

“Yeah seriously, Rossi teases me all the time about you, wait until he finds out I'm dating his godson” Spencer rubs his temple feeling the stress arise, grinning wide at you. 

“Oh no no no, We are not telling him anytime soon Spencer no way” Shaking your head, laughing. “Hell no, he will kill you, he might love you but he will kill you, he's way too overprotective some days. He doesn’t even know I’m dating right now”

“What, no you can’t expect me to hide this from him”

“Um yes I do, not forever just for now” You smile at him knowing you will win. “I’ll tell him I'm dating someone and we will break it to him slowly okay, but I love you and he is not breaking anymore of my relationships up”

“Anymore?” His eyebrow raising in concern and fear. “Do I want to know?” 

“Probably not Amore Mio” Chuckling softly as you lean in kissing him.

~~~

As the morning moves on, Spencer leaves to go home, having chorus he needs to get done before he gets called away on a case again. Hopefully if he doesn’t get a case that means another movie night with you tonight. But to fill in the gap of him being gone this saturday afternoon you decided it's time to fix a bridge you broke. Picking up your phone and clicking on his icon, listening to the rings. Waiting with anxiety as he takes his time to answer.

“Uh hey (Y/n) ” Dave answer, completely surprise when he sees your name pop up on his phone. Happiness filling him at once when he saw it, only to be quickly replaced with dread. Hoping that you're not injured or hurt, holding his breath as he waits for your reply.

“Ah hey Dave, um sorry I hope you're not busy, are you?” You ask, biting your lip nervous, trying to stop your words from stumbling. 

“Busy no, I'm free, what's up” Dave's eyes narrow, worry filling up inside of him. It's been months since you two have last spoken.

“Do you fancy a cup of coffee, or maybe milkshakes, so we can catch up” Taking a deep breath “I need to apologise to you, I was unfair the last time we spoke and then avoiding you for months was not cool of me”

A small chuckle is heard on the other side of the line. “Caro its okay, milkshakes sound great”

“Okay good” You smile, letting out a deep breath of air “So our cafe in town, say in an hour?”

“Perfect I’ll see you then kiddo” Dave smiles with relief as he hangs up. 

~~~

You’re already sitting at the table in front of the cafe. Waiting in the sunlight sipping on your milkshake that has already arrived. You had ordered your favourite, along with Daves favourite which is salted caramel with chocolate. Sighing softly as you wait, having arrived early, you knew he wouldn’t be much longer. Your nervousness grew as you waited, wondering how you could explain why you have been ghosting him the last couple months. Deep down you know he's already forgiven you and was giving you space, it’s what he has always done when you two argue. 

~~~

“Ooh you got me my favourite, Angelo” Dave smiles interrupting your thoughts, standing up quickly as you see him approach you. Smiling as you feel your nervousness disappear as your eyes meet his, nothing but love and happiness present in him. 

“Davey Of course I did” You smile as he pulls you into a hug. Relaxing softly as you feel his arms wrap around you. Taking a deep breath, allowing yourself to accept the father hug you've been carving the last few weeks, but too scared to ask for. 

“I'm surprised you rang me” Dave says after you both have sat down, sipping his drink. 

“Yeah, I know it's been awhile since we last spoke, or really since I screamed at you, I'm really sorry Dave” You sigh, playing with your drink as you look up at him. Feeling his eyes studying you closely, a small smile growing on his face. 

“Its okay caro, I should of told you the truth when it all happened but I didn’t want to worry you”

“Dave you got stabbed of course I'm going to worry about you. Hell you're practically my only family, I can’t lose you” Exhaulling as you take a second to calm yourself feeling the rage you felt from the previous argument from months ago returning. “You could have died Dave and you hid that from me just like Dad used to and that scares me. I hated the fact of you went back to the FBI, because I was scared I would lose you, that we would lose touch or you would die, I know that sounds unreasonable but when you didn’t tell me you got stabbed it just felt like we were drifting apart, after all these years” Gulping as you look at him. Finally admitting everything you have been feeling. His eyes soften, his hands unwrapping around his drink leaning over to take yours, that's tapping the table repeatedly, a nervous tic you developed growing up.

“(Y/n) I’m okay, I know my job is dangerous but I know how to handle myself and I am careful when I'm in the field, my team always has my back”

“I know that, and I’m okay with the fact that your back on the team I get it now but I guess at first it was just hard to think why you would want to go back, but after all the stories you have told me, all the good ones I get it” Smiling a little, nodding at him. “Its apart of who you are”

“That it is, but I promise you we will never drift apart, I will always be here for you, no matter how many arguments we have okay, I see you as my son that's never going to change okay” His smile is full of love, giving your hand a small squeeze.

“Thank you, I mean you helped raise me, always being my number one supporter thanks Papà Pasta” You smile, chuckling softly, feeling the conversation getting too emotional. Dave shakes his head laughing at that choice of nickname.

“Is that nickname ever going to stop?”

“Oh never” You smirk cheekily at him as you sip your drink.

~~~

You two sit there drinking your milkshakes, catching up for almost an hour. Him telling you about the recent cases he has been on and your favourite part, the drama in his team. One thing about David Rossi is that he loves to gossip, he can keep so many secrets. But the ones that roam free, he will happily spill to you as long as you listen.

“We are still trying to convince Reid to introduce us to his boyfriend, I’ve never seen him so happy before, It's great to see the kid giving love a proper chance” Dave smiles, he alway gets excited talking about his team. He sees them like family, especially the younger ones, taking them under his wings like they're his own kids. You couldn’t believe you never connected the dots that his Reid is your own Spencer Reid. Half of you wanted to tell him right now that you're dating his co-worker, but he can get too protective when it comes to your love life. He has enough reason to, you have never been good at picking them, and he's had to point it out way too many times. This time you were hoping if you keep it quiet it might work out for once. 

“Aw well, I get him wanting to keep it quiet for now” Smiling softly, thinking about the words Dave has just used. How Spencer is so much happier with you, which just warms your heart. You sip on your drink trying to distract your brain from thinking about him, not needing your Uncle to pick up on anything right now.

“So is that why you haven't said anything about those hickeys on your neck” Dave smirks, sipping his milkshake. He’s been waiting for a moment to tease you about it. You choke lightly on your drink, splattering as you look back up, feeling the blood rush to your cheeks. 

“Excuse me, I have no idea what the fuck your on about” Shaking your head quickly, cursing yourself for not hiding it better.

“Hey language” Dave laughs, loving how shy you're going. He had noticed that you had tried to hide the hickey under bad makeup but it is just so easy to see.

“Fanculo” You smirk at him. “Anyway we are not going to talk about my hickeys or who gave them to me because that's weird talking my sex life”

“Okay okay fine, I’ll let it go, only because I'm not like my team and sticking my nose into other people's love life can get annoying” He smirks a little, shaking his head.

“Wait, do you have a love life David?” You wiggle your eyebrows up at him, swallowing down a laugh.

‘Hey hey hey, we aren’t talking about me here” He shakes his hands in front of him dramatically, making you laugh.

“Fine fine”

~~~

“So what's happening in your life?”

“Oh nothing, just work at the bookstore, I’ve had the last couple days off cos I haven’t really been feeling well but Im feeling better now, so back to work monday” Your smile flickers for a few seconds, trying hard to keep it up. But he doesn’t miss it, he already picked up that something wasn’t right, he was waiting for the right time to ask about it. 

“Okay that's it, tell me what's bothering you” Dave sighs, leaning back giving you that pointed look of his, one he’s used many times to get you to spill your secrets.

“It's not a big deal, I don’t want to bother you with this stuff again” Shrugging your shoulders, your voice trailing off as you glance down at the floor. 

“Hey its me, Its Uncle Davey, you can tell me anything it's never a bother” Dave speaks firmly, already having an idea about what this was about. 

“Did you know Jason back in town, He's been having coffee and reconnecting with Stephen and not only that but the other week for his daughter birthday he uninvited me so Dad and Mum could be there with no arguments” You huff out, wishing the anger would return to you but instead your just being hit with feelings of betrayal and despair. “I was looking forward to it for weeks and he lied to me about it being cancelled just so our asshole parents could be there, Mum I could on with for the sake of him but why the hell did dad have to be there, he was never there for us growing up” 

“(Y/n)” Dave starts, his tone soft, careful as he knew you were on the edge. Watching your body tensing up, the way your jaw clenches as your eyes widen holding back the tears.

“No no, I get it he was working but he always picked work over us Dave always. You were there more often than he was” Spitting out the words, as you take a deep breath wiping your eyes hard enough to dry them up. 

“I can’t excuse his past behaviours, nothing can, he should have done better, Stephen had no right to lie to you about it either but” He takes a breath watching your face hardens at his ‘but’. 

“But maybe he's trying now for Stephen and for his kid isn't that a good thing for him?” Dave says, he knows you don’t want to hear it, but it is a good thing for Stephen.

“I don’t want to see him get hurt again Dave, he's been through enough” Shaking your head as you cross your arms, not meeting his eyes.

~~~

“Okay, has he tried to reach out to you at all, is that why you're really upset at him?”

“You know I don’t really like profilers” Scoffing lightly as you let your arms fall to your side. 

“So this is what it's really about huh, he didn’t reach out to you and you want him to?” Dave smiles slightly watching you. You laugh coldly at him.

“No, at first maybe, It's always Stephen before me, I get it he's the better son, the ‘real’ son as they say. At first I was pissed that they had been having coffee for a while without reaching out to me, but then this morning Stephen showed up to my house after our argument the other day and” Exhaling letting yourself calm down, allowing your brain to gather your next words. “And this morning he showed up I thought he wanted to re-explain himself but no turns out, he was there on behalf of our father, he had a letter written for me, I didn’t want to deal with it so I told him to get out, he wouldn't listen, he finally left after my boyfriend opened the door and kicked him out” Groaning with frustration as you tell the story, not even noticing that you slipped up.

Dave sighs annoyed, shaking his head. “He doesn't know when to quit and give you a little bit of space does he, so your boyfriend dealt with him huh?” His lips twitch into a small smirk, raising an eyebrow.

“Oh crap, I let the cat out of the bag didn’t I?” Sighing, smiling a little. “Yes boyfriend, but yeah he had to come in this morning and ruin a perfectly good moment to I will add, with a stupid letter”

“I get this isn’t great but maybe it's time you talk to him maybe he's changed maybe he—” He cut off as his phone rings again. He checks it quickly before declining, placing it on the table, screen down. 

“That's the fourth time your phone rang this afternoon. If you need to go Dave it's okay” You reassure him. 

“No no it's fine, it's just an old friend, I’ll ring him back later” His smile falters a little, distracted.

“Okay, is everything okay?” You watch him feeling concerned.

“Im fine, we are talking about you, maybe you need to give Jason a chance, he might just miss you, it's been years since you have talked” He forced a small smile, avoiding eye contact, a little guilt in his eyes. You study him for a little bit thinking, the whole time you’ve been talking he hasn’t been surprised about anything at all. Normally he isn’t trying to get you to talk and forgive your dad like he is today. It's almost as if he’s already talked to him.

~~~

“You spoke to him, that's who's ringing you isn't it?” You accuse him, eyes widen as everything clicks into place. His face drops as he looks at you guilty, his eyes soften as he sighs lightly. 

“I'm sorry Tesoro, he got in contact with me a couple weeks ago. He knew we still talk and wanted to know the best way to get back in contact with you. I told him not to but after we caught up for a drink last week I noticed he changed. He wants you in his life, he knows how much he has messed up but he wants to make amends” Dave almost begs you to understand as he speaks. Staring at you, his eyes begging you for forgiveness as he studies you closely.

“I, I can’t, no” Shaking your head as you struggle to string words together, staring at him in disbelief. 

“(Y/n) please, I know it can be scary letting him back in your life, but he's changed all we talked about was you and Stephen. It was the first time I have ever talked to him and never had to correct him on your pronouns or names, he even referred to you as his son multiply times”

“That doesn’t make up for anything Dave, not with everything that has happened between us” Shaking your head as you feel the sharp pains stabbing you in the chest.

“I know but it's a start, isn't it?”

“I guess it could be but–”

“No more buts, answer me honestly, do you want a relationship with him?” He stares at you seriously. You look over at the road and watch a few cars drive pass by, thinking. You always dream of having him back in your life. Him calling you his son, spending quality time with him again. 

“Yeah, I think I do” Speaking quietly, looking back over at him.

“Then you need to let him in to allow it to happen, you know that” Dave smiles encouragingly at you.

“I know, I'm just over him hurting me, but I guess I can risk it one more time” You sigh, smiling weakly.

“Good, and if he does hurt you I will deal with him, happily” He smirks at you, tapping his drink with yours.

~~~

“So what's this about a boyfriend huh?” Dave smirks, leaning forward, his elbows perched up on the table resting his chin on his hands. 

“Oh him!” You groan playfully, biting your lip trying to stop the smile from growing too much.

“Yes him, why haven’t I heard about him before, how long has it been going on for?”

“Over five months now, coming up to six months soon, he is amazing, he is so cute he also–” You stop yourself shaking your head. Not needing to tell him anything more about him to your uncle, because he would figure it out Immediately.

“Almost six months and you never told me?” Dave glares slightly “Why are you hiding him?”

“Um well, you know how my relationship are they always go to fast so we wanted to take it slow, plus you always scare them off, not to mention what happened to Jimmy” 

“That's because I worry about you and the ones you pick weren’t good for you, if this guy is the right one then he has nothing to worry about” He smiles gently, before his eyes narrow. “But Jimmy, I didn’t do anything to Jimmy I was just there when his arm broke, that's what happens when he lays a hand on you” He shrugs his shoulders and glances at his phone before his eyes are back at you.

“Right right, you always say you just went to talk to him with Aaron when he merely tripped over” Rolling your eyes smiling a little.

“Exactly, so does this boyfriend of yours have a name?”

“Nope he does not, because I know if he did you would do a background search on him, but I can tell you he works for the FBI as well, so that's a good thing right?” Smirking at him as you see the gears turning in his head.

“Yes good thing so far, maybe I’ve worked with him”

“Maybe you have, you never know. I’ll introduce you one day just a couple more weeks, I just want to get through the family issues first then you two can meet”

“Perfect, then I can have you two over for pasta. He better knows how to cook” You both laugh at that. Shaking your head at the thought of Dave trying to teach Spencer how to cook.

~~~

You're cooking dinner when Spencer walks into your apartment, entering your kitchen.

“Hey Beans, what are you cooking?” Spencer asks, taking a strong sniff of the air smiling at the delicious smell.

“Spaghetti bolognese with fake pasta according to my Uncle” You laugh lightly, placing the dried pasta in the boiling pot of water.

“Only he would say that, wouldn’t he?” Spencer laughs quietly, leaning against the counter beside you. His eyes move over your body, studying you closely, before he left this morning you were a ball of nerves but now you seem completely different. You're more relaxed and joyful instead of stressed and anxiety filled. A grin spreads across your face as you sway along to the music playing in the background as you cook.

“So how was your day, Bambino?” You smile at him, feeling his eyes stuck on you, once more profiling you. It can get annoying most days but you know he doesn't mean to, most of the time and after the last few days events it makes sense for him to be a little worried.

“It was great, I caught up with Ethan at the coffee shop. He's just passing through town but it was great being able to catch up with him properly” He smiles happily, a little guilt in his eyes as he thinks back to the last time he saw him. “You know it's been 5 years since I last saw him, almost two years since we really spoke. I was surprised when he asked to catch up but it was great seeing where he is now with his career,” Spencer smiles, feeling proud of his friend. 

“5 years wow that's a long time, he's the one who lives in New Orleans right?” You glances at him slightly as you stir the dish.

“Yep, last time I saw him was on a case, that case was actually the case that my co-worker JJ met her boyfriend Will, they have a kid now too” He smiles weakly thinking back to that case. “It was also the case that finally pushed me to ask for help with my drug problem, Ethan pushed me to get helped” He looks up at you slowly meeting your eyes. His eyes are full of valuability, he doesn’t like talking about that part of his past. You already knew about his drug addiction, he's opened up a little bit about it but he still feels shamefully when he speaks about it.

~~~

“I'm glad he did, It takes a lot of strength to ask for help and now you're 4 years sober” You smile proudly at him, serving up dinner.

“Almost 5 years In a month actually” Spencer sighs, smiling forcefully. A part of him is still feeling guilty about it all, the memories of Tobias Hankel popping into his mind. His hand rubbing his arms where he was poked with the needle, the feeling fresh on his body. Your eyes catch this movement setting down the pot, taking his hand gently in his. 

“We should celebrate, 5 years is amazing, everyday is an achievement so we should do something to celebrate this” You smile up at him, looking at him proudly.

“Oh I don’t know it's not a big thing” His words trail off when he catches that stubborn look in your eyes, sighing as he smiles softly. “What would we even do?”

“Why don’t we go away for the weekend or we take a day or two off to make a long weekend and go see your Mum, maybe it's time I finally meet her” Shrugging as you think about it, smiling at the idea of finally meeting Diana Reid. Spencer's face lights up, as he nods energetically.

“That is a great idea, I haven’t seen my mum in ages and I really want you to meet her” 

“Then It's settled, we will go and see her and have our first vacation away together” You chuckle leaning forward kissing him lightly.

~~~

After you two have finished eating your cuddle up on the couch watching a nature documentary. Spencer's head resting in your lap, as your hand strokes through his hair as your mind fading away from what's on the screen in front of you. Your mind travels to your father and what could possibly be in that letter, regret setting in that you never took it from Stephen when he was offering it to you. Now you're going to have to ask him for it, is this something you truly want to do, could you really deal with his cockynes right now. Spencer rolls his head over to look up at you, feeling your hand come to a stop in his hair. He was wondering why you have been quiet tonight, normally you like adding small comments throughout it but not tonight. 

“Okay Beans what's on your mind?” He asks, frowning softly as you don't respond, not even looking like you heard him as he calls out to you again. He moves his head off his lap sitting up properly, the movement is what pulls you out of your deep thought looking at him.

“Where are you going?” Looking at him confused as you meet a concerned stare. 

“You were so zone out, you didn’t hear anything I was saying” 

“I'm so sorry I was just thinking about something” Smiling weakly as you glance down at the ground.

“What was it about, if you don’t mind me asking”

“The letter, a part of me wants to know what Jason wrote but the other part of me is scared to know what my father may have written in the letter” Sighing softly looking back up at the tv. “I also really don’t want to have to ask Stepehen for it, not after this morning.” Feeling the couch beside you move, glancing at him as you see him get up, watching him walk towards your bookshelf. 

“Um Spence what are you doing?” Feeling confused as you raise an eyebrow watching his movements. He smirks lightly as he picks up the letter he had placed down there after taking it from your brother earlier. Turning back towards you, sitting beside you holding the letter out towards you without uttering a word, just giving you a soft reassuring smile.

“He gave it to you before he left?” You're stunned as you take it from him. Staring down at your name written on the envelope, having not seen his hand writing in so many years. 

“I thought you would want to read it later, even if you didn’t you still you had the option just in case” His voice is soft as he rubs your lap gently, smiling softly watching you.

“Thank you” You whisper, glancing at him as you place it down on the side. 

“Always” he smiles, wrapping his arm around you.

~~~

It's been two weeks since you received the letter. It took you about a week to finally find the courage to read it, which had torn straight into your heart. Deciding you would reach out to Jason you just needed time to figure out how you would go about fixing your relationship with him. You and Stephen had made up, agreeing that you both were out of line and would try harder to be better siblings. Dave has been asking to meet your boyfriend everytime you two talk, which you know you have to tell him about Spencer sooner rather than later. You haven’t seen Spencer in awhile seeing as he's been working longer cases lately. In the last two weeks you've seen him possibly three times, before he gets called away. You know it's his job, so you don’t mind too much, it just makes you cherish the time you get with him alot more. It was your six month anniversary the other day, but he was away on a case. He felt so guilty for missing it but you reassured him it was okay and that it can be made up when he gets back.

~~~

The Bau team was finally on the Jet back to D.C after a tough case, they were gone for nine days. They had decided to stay an extra day just to help get some paperwork done after catching the Unsub. As they fly back home, the team is in higher spirits than they normally are after a hard case. It could be because they managed to rescue five girls that the unsub had kidnapped or the fact that they had all managed to get a full night's rest last night for the first time in weeks. Or maybe it was the fact that they know when they land they have the next three days mandated off. As they fly back, Hotch is sitting in the back of the plane doing some paperwork, Rossi is sitting opposite him, having a playful argument on his phone. As the other four are playing cards, laughing about something stupid that Reids is trying to tell them, distracting them as he manages to crush them in the game.

~~~

“Alright listen up” Rossi gets up, walking over towards the agents playing games, all their eyes quickly flick up towards him. 

“Rossi I swear, If you're about to tell us that we have another case I will push you off this plane” Emily points her finger threateningly at him. 

“I will happily help you with that Prentiss” Morgan agrees nodding his head as he places his cards down.

“Hey hey hey, that's a bit dramatic don’t you think” Rossi gasps, shaking his head.

“Okay, we’re sorry, what's up Rossi?” JJ smiles softly, as the team chuckles.

“I am inviting you all to my place for a family dinner and drinks at my mansion tonight, Garcia is already getting things organised after begging me on the phone to host it” He chuckles lightly, smiling.  

“Ohh if you're cooking I am definitely in” Morgan laughs smiling. Enjoying the idea of having a relaxing night with the people he cares for. 

“Can I bring Will and Henry?” JJ asks, smiling, liking the idea of a family event.

“Of course it's not family without them, plus Jack is going to be there, he is going to need some entertainment” Rossi shakes his head faintly, always having to reassure JJ that her boyfriend and kid can always come to family events.

“Oh I won’t be able to make it toning, I’m sorry guys” Reid shrugs, sipping his coffee. Hotch turns around at this news to watch, wanting to know what's going on.

~~~

“And why not?” The older man sighs, turning to give Spencer a pointed look.

“Well tonight me and (Y/n) are supposed to be celebrating our 6 months, I missed it the other day so I was going to make it up to him tonight” Spencer explains, avoiding Rossi's look. Recently it has been so difficult to not tell him who he's dating. He's been trying to avoid Rossi at every moment he can, even when they are in the field together. The team quickly noticed something was up, but Spencer managed to come up with a lie about being tired that's why he's been off, no one bought it of course. Maybe that's why Rossi is throwing this dinner tonight trying to fix this weird thing between him and Spencer.

“Serieoly Reid, you have the next three days off, can't you make it up to him on one of those days?” Morgan asks, narrowing his eyes. His behaviour has been worrying the whole team lately.

“I mean I could but I really miss him so I just—” His voice trails off at the look his whole team is giving him.

“Then invite him” Emily states, giving him a look. 

“We want you to come, and we have been begging you to introduce us to him for ages so please Spencer” JJ begs him, giving him her best puppy face, knowing he's a sucker for it.

“I uh” Spencer glances at Rossi quickly catching a confused, hurt look from the man. 

“Okay fine, I’ll ask him if he wants to come, but if he says no can you all back off, please” Spencer sighs, not wanting to put you into a bad spot.

“Of course” Hotch jumps into the conversation giving the team his best over protective dad look. 

“Ring him now and ask” Morgan encourages him, smirking a little. Excited to finally get the chance to meet this mystery man of Reids.

“Fine” Spencer huffs, smiling slightly as he stands up making his way to the back of the Plane for privacy.

~~~

“Hello Amora” You answer the phone happily. Having excused yourself from work, for a break as you see Spencer name pop up on your phone. 

“Hey Beans, uh how are you” Spencer clears his throat as he speaks. Feeling nervous as he talks to you, which you quickly pick up on.

“I'm fine, what's up?” You ask carefully, feeling your eyes narrow with worry.

“Uh I know we have plan tonight, but um”

“Another case really, do you guys never rest?” You ask in disbelief, mouth gaping open.

“No no, no more cases” Spencer is quick to reassure you, knowing how you worry when he and his team work too hard.

“Good, because you need rest, so does your team, your boss works you guys too hard” You let out a sigh of relief. “Okay then what's wrong?”

“Nothing wrong, I just, uh we have been invited over to Rossi tonight for team dinner and drinks”

“Oh, both of us?”

“Yeah they want to meet you, they want take no as an answer any longer, I know it's awkward because he will be there but–”

“Bambino it's fine” You cut him off before he can start rambling, smiling softly, hearing the worry in his voice. “I think it's time I finally met the famous BAU team, Plus I think it's time we told Dave he said you’ve been acting weird the last couple weeks” Smirking lightly, knowing just how awkward he can get when trying to keep secrets from those he cares for.

“Are you sure?” Spencer smiles letting out a breath, feeling at ease.

“Yes I’m sure, why don’t you come and get ready with me at my place before we go over to his mansion, yeah?”

“Okay, I will meet you at yours after you finish work then” Spencer smiles happily. “Bye baby, I love you”

“I Love you to Spence, wow can’t believe i'm going to meet the famous David Rossi tonight” You both laugh, feeling relaxed as you hang up. 

~~~

Spencer walks back towards his team. Hotch and Rossi have now joined the rest of the team at cards. Rossi having stolen Spencer's seat, he now has to sit down beside Hotch, smiling gently as he watches the team play.

“So Reid, are you two joining us tonight?” Morgan asks, glancing at him, smirking lightly.

“Uh yes we will be, they have work but after that we should be able to make it” Spencer smiles at them all.

“Fucking finally we get to meet this guy who makes you all squishy” Emily sniggers, placing her card down. 

“Oh Garcia is going to love this” JJ laughs as she notices Morgan pulling out his phone.

“Already on it, Babygirl is going to flip” He winks at Reid, noticing the kid go red in the face, shaking his head at Morgan. Spencer turns his attention to Rossi who's leaning over Morgan's shoulder reading his texts to Garcia.

“You two concern me sometimes, chocolate thunder” Rossi glances away with playfully disgust on his face as Morgan laughs at him.

“Don’t worry about it old man” Morgan winks putting his phone back down.

“So Reid are you going to tell us how you meet this man of yours or do we have to wait for tonight?” Rossi asks, smirking at him.

“Oh uh” Reid blushes at that memory. “I don’t think that needs to be brought up at all”

“Oh okay, there has to be a good story behind that” JJ smirks, holding back a laugh.

“One that you guys will never know,” Reid shakes his head.

‘Oh don’t worry Garcia will manage to get it from (Y/n) I'm sure she will mange” Hotch laughs knowing when it comes to gossip she is unstoppable. Reid groans, hanging his head knowing it's true.

“Oh I can not wait to hear that story” Emily laughs, watching the dread on Reid's face.

“Okay I'm regretting this already” Spencer shakes his head, picking up the cards that Rossi hands him for the new game. “Oh um by the way Rossi, just as I was getting off the phone with him before he may have said he was excited to meet the ‘famous David Rossi’ he's a little bit of a fan” Spencer laughs along with the team as they watch his face slowly drop.

“Oh no” 

~~~

As you stand in the mirror contemplating on how you wanted to dress for tonight. Should you be more casual and just throw something random keeping it lowkey or wear something that makes you feel more comfortable, more yourself. You knew deep down the team wouldn’t judge you on what you wear, Spencer had reassured you of that, many times. Rossi has even told you that his team is the most welcoming type of people, he's tried to get you to meet them a few times in the past. But you know that they have all met your father so that has always thrown you off a little, but not tonight. Tonight is just going to be about you and Spencer and, of course, your overprotective Uncle. Sighing softly running your hand through your hair, taking a deep breathing to calm your heart that just seems to be having a race with itselfs. 

“Hey beans, are you almost ready?” Spencer asks as he walks out of the bathroom, brushing his hair. Coming to stand behind you in the mirror, tilting his head to the side in confusion as he sees you holding three different tops in your hands. 

“I don’t know what to wear” Sighing softly as you throw them on the bed, turning around to face him looking defeated.

“What's going on?” Spencer asks as he places his hands on your waist, looking down at you. 

“I’m just, Im worried about what your teams going to think about me” You sigh looking down, not needing him to stare into your eyes right now. Because if he does, you would easily spill all your worries to him so easily.

“Baby, why's that? You know my team is going to love you”

“It's just.. It's just what if I'm not what they're expecting?” You whisper out the words, ashamed of the way you're thinking.

“You are exactly what they are expecting, they are expecting someone who makes me feel happy and loved and that is you” He smiles softly, tilting your head up to look at him. Feeling your cheeks burn under his touch, smiling gently as you feel the stress fading from your body. 

“Thank you” You mutter softly as you kiss him lightly, he pulls away slowly smiling.

“Always, now do you need a hand figuring out what to wear?” 

“Please” You smirk lightly, “Do you think they will care if I wear a little bit of makeup, It just, it normally makes me feel comfortable in my skin” 

“Baby they won’t mind at all, Men wear makeup, It's normal. Garcia just might fall more in love with you though” He smirks softly, “And Morgan might be a little jealous of your piercings, he's only allowed his ear pierced at work, but he wants to get his nose pierced but it goes against our uniform” Spencer informs you, hoping it will help calm your anxiety of dressing how you like. The smile and the exhale informs him that he said the right things, giving you a quick peek on the cheek as he steps back. 

“Just relax, wear what makes you happy, I’ll feed Bubbles while you get ready” He smiles as he walks off, letting you get ready. Smiling to himself as he hears you turn your music on as he walks to the kitchen.

~~~

About 30 minutes later, you're both finally in the car, on the way to Rossi places. The rest of the team was already there, Garcia texting him to hurry up, apparently her and Morgan went straight into the tequila. Glancing at Spencer smiling softly as you see him texting them back, he always looks so relaxed and at ease when you drive. Car rides are one of his favourite things to do, he likes listening to the music and audiobooks as he stares out the windows and watches the world goes by. Mainly he only likes it because you're the one driving, it makes him feel safe. 

“Oh God, apparently Garica just found Jaguar but Rossi took it off her to save it for later on in the night” Spencer groans softly which turns into low chuckle, which you join in on.

“Oh I think this Garica person owns my heart already” You chuckle gently as you pull into Dave's driveway, parking in your normal spot by the big tree that hangs over his yard. It's the best place to park seeing as you can stay out of other people's way and no one can park in front of you, making a quick getaway. 

~~~

Deciding to quickly check yourself in the car mirror before getting out, taking a deep breath as you take in your reflection. You had decided to go with your normal makeup routine but adding a little more mascara and blue smokey eyes. Which made your blue lip piercing pop, along with your nose ring. Smiling softly as you take in your makeup feeling confident as you run your hand through your short hair. Glancing over at your boyfriend who is waiting patiently for you, smiling softly at you. His eyes full of love and admiration as he takes you in, the way you always end up being yourself, unapologetically, makes his heart melt. 

“Are you ready (Y/n)?” Spencer asks as he sees you take a deep breath.

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that, you're about to meet my uncle slash father figure” You joke lightly as you climb out.

“Oh I think I’ll survive” Spencer laughs as he gets out walking over to you to take your hand. You intwine your fingers in with his as you make your way towards the front food.

“Maybe, I mean he hasn’t killed any of my dates yet, only broken an arm” Exhaling, smirking slightly.

“Im sorry he what” Spence eyes widen in frighten as he comes to standstill, turning to look at you in shock and fear.

“Oh relax, that was only because Jimmy was an abusive dick, you will be fine Amore Mio” Squeezing his hand in reassurance as he takes a deep breath, calming down. 

~~~

As they reach the front door, it suddenly flies open and they’re met with two people in the doorway.

“What the.. Morgan seriously?” Spencer laughs easily. Raising his eyebrow at his best friend who's standing there, with a massive grin on his face.

“That was babygirl not me,” Morgan laughs, indicating at the blond woman in front of him, who's dressed in warm pastel colours. Who's staring up at you with love and fixation on her face, a glass of alcohol in her hand as she makes her way to you.

“No way it's you, you, I love your makeup so much” She screeches with excitement as she finally gets in front of you, pulling you into a hug.

“Hi, I’m guessing this is Garica” Laughing softly as you hug back tightly.

“Oh my god you know me” Garica giggles pulling away as she smiles wide up at you. “Ahh I have been dying to meet you for months, but the boy genius has been insisting on keeping you to himself which sucks” She blabbers on excitedly. The man beside her who you had reconsigned instantly as Derek Morgan, places his hand on her shoulders calmly.

“Baby girl, take a breath we have all night to integrate him for information on his and Spencer relationship just let him settle in first” Derek laughs happily as he looks up at you. 

“It's great to finally meet you (Y/n) I dig the piercing, by the way” He smirks, shooting Spencer a look which is received with a glare and a soft blush from your boyfriend.

“Thanks Derek, Trust me I'm happy I finally get to meet the famous BAU team” Chuckling softly as you hear voices and laughter coming from inside.

“Yeah I heard you're a fan of David Rossi, you like his books?” Morgan asks, smirking at the idea of embracing the old man. You glance over at Spencer giving him a weird look, being met with his cheeky grin instead. 

“I thought telling him you were a fan would completely throw him off” Spencer smirks. Garica narrows her eyes at you both, before meeting Morgan's eyes, who's looking just as confused as she feels.

“Okay, you two have completely lost us” Garica starts, which earns a light shake of the head from you.

“Oh it's okay you guys will understand soon, anyway can I meet the rest of the team now or?” You smirk, raising your eyebrow as they are still blocking the entrance. 

“Oooh yesss the rest of the team is dying to meet you” Garica lights up once again. 

~~~

She grabs your hand, your other hand automatically reaches out grabbing Spencer's, dragging him behind you. Laughing happily as you allow Garcia to drag you both into the house, Morgan follows behind you both, chuckling at the look of horror on Reid's face. She first leads you to the living room where the large glass doors have been open to give more access to the outside area. As you enter the living room you are met with a couple of women and a man who has his arm wrapped around a blonde woman's waist who's smiling happily as they chat away. Their conversation is quickly broken up as they look up hearing people enter the room.

“Oh finally you two show up, I was starting to think Reid got cold feet” The dark haired woman is the first to speak laughing as she teases your boyfriend.

“Oh I think he was  definitely close to bailing on the way here” You joke back, as you slide your hand out of Garcia's grip as you reach the small group of people.

“Hey no I wasn’t” Spencer stumbles over his words, looking at you playfully offended.

“Aw sure sure bambino” Teasing him softly as you squeeze his hand softly, smiling lovingly up at him. You feel more comfortable around his team than you originally thought you would, a part of you still feels like a jumbo mess of nervousness as you wonder where your Uncle is. 

“Ooh that's Italian, Rossi is going to love you” The blonde lady smiles, giving you a small once over before glancing at the other woman smirking, trying her best to be subtle. But Spencer catches the look going red in the face as he realises the team is giving their approval on his partner, making him feeling all nervous and hot. 

“Oh the Italian man, he will love me” You smirk to yourself, earning a few laughs from the team.

“Im Emily by the way” The dark haired woman introduced herself. “I already know your name, Reid loves to mention you every chance he has” 

“Okay can we maybe try to not embarrass me tonight please” Spencer begs as he rubs his temples laughing awkwardly, the rest of the team shaking their heads laughing at his expression.

“Oh no that's the whole point of meeting the team Amore, I need more stories of you” Smirking softly, as you turn to the team. “Please tell me you guys have a lot of embarrassing stories of him you can tell me tonight”

“Oh plenty,” Emily laughs.

“Ohh where do we start?” Garcia giggles evilly as sips her drink.

“How far back do you want us to go?” The blonde woman joins in, smirking. “Im Jennifer by the way but everyone calls me JJ, this is my partner Will”

“Hey there” Will smiles lightly as he nods.

~~~

You smile softly as you look around, taking them all, relaxing. Your boyfriend was right, Everyone here seems so friendly and judgement free. Making you feel so at ease as you relax into the environment.  

“It's great to meet you all, I feel like I already know you guys with the amount of stories I have heard” you smirking, knowing half the stories are mostly from Dave who still hasn't made an appearance yet. 

“Oh is that a good thing?” Derek asks, his face is pulling into a silly terrified face making you and Garica laugh.

“Maybe, maybe not” You tease him, smirking. Soon your conversation is interrupted by a little boy, around the age 4, running in towards the group of adults. 

“Mummy!!” The boys yell excitedly running towards JJ smiling widely, as she looks down watching him run in from the outside area. Where you can see another boy and another grown man out there. 

“Henry inside voice baby” JJ smiles, picking up the young blond boy as he reaches her. “What's up baby?” She smiles down lovingly at the boy in her arms. 

“I wanna show you and daddy what me and Jack made” The boy giggles happily, glancing between his mum and dad.

“Alright buddy, why don’t you lead the way and show us yeah” JJ smiles more, her face lightening up as she speaks to her boy. Henry nods, wiggling his way out of her arms, making his way to the ground. 

“Come on mummy and daddy come on” He giggles and goes to run back outside when the group's soft laughter gets Henry's attention. 

“Auntie Penelope join us” He gasps softly as he grabs her hand, pulling her out of the room, not allowing her to answer. 

You laugh softly with the others as you watch the small boy boss the three adults around, making their way outside. 

“He's such a little bossy little thing” You smirk watching them, noticing just how close this team truly is.

“Just like his mum” Derek laughs

“Just like his Dad” Emily laughs harder, realising how in sync she is with Derek. 

“I do wonder what those kids are up to though” Derek wonders out loud as he wanders over to join them on the patio. 

~~~

Suddenly it's just you, Spencer and Emily standing there looking over at the place the group has moved to.

“So where is David Rossi hiding?” You ask, smirking, looking up at Emily.

“Well he went down to his wine cellar earlier just before you two walked in so he should return soon” She smiles lightly sipping her drink. “I heard you're a fan of his?” You couldn’t help but laugh at her, shaking your head slightly.

“Oh Dave is my favourite profiler and one of the best true crime novels” You chuckle lightly, sarcasm sipping into your words as you speak. Spencer laughs, shaking his head at you glancing down at the ground. Emily stares at you confused, about to ask a question when she's interrupted.

“This is a surprise” A shocked excited voice greets you from behind. Turning around quickly to meet with your uncle smiling happily at you.

“Hey Davey” You smile lightly, all your nerves coming to the surface. 

He brings you into a light fatherly hug, kissing your cheek lightly. “What are you doing here (Y/n)” Dave asks as he pulls away. You smile softly, gulping lightly as you glance over at Spencer, quickly your eyes back on your Uncle.

“My boyfriend invited me to meet his team” You smile nervously, biting your lip to help calm yourself down. Spencer tenses up forcing his smile to stay put, but it slowly fades as he watches Dave's reactions. The speed at which Spencer's heart is racing makes him reconsider whether it could be possible that a heart can explode out of someone's chest. 

Dave's eyes have narrowed so far down, once he had registered the words you had uttered out. His face hardens instantly, turning his attention to Spencer. His mouth parting slightly, but no sound leaves as he tries to find the right words to say to the young boy looking terrified at him.

“Boyfriend?” is the only word Rossi says, but it's enough to double the tension in the room. 

“I uh.. Well y yeah we are together” Reid struggles to form a sentence under the death glare of Rossi.

“Dave um.. Look we” Your words die in your throat as the glare moves onto you for a short second. There's something hiding in his eyes as he glances back at Reid, something you are struggling to read. 

“Your dating him?” Rossi speaks lowly, almost threatening as he stares danger at Reid, making the hair on the back of his neck stand up. Seeing Rossi smirk a little, when sending a shiver down your spine remembering the last time you saw that look in his face.

“Run, Spencer run” You turn to look at your boyfriend, slapping his arms lightly. 

~~~

Spencer's eyes widen like a deer caught in a headlight and in a split second he's turning around and sprinting towards the door leading to the backyard where everyone is. Spencer jumps clear over the coffee table trying his hardest to get outside the quickest way possible. You can’t help the laugh that escapes you as you see Dave chase after him, with the biggest smirk on his face. 

“Morgannn” Spencer squeaks out, as he rushes towards Morgan who's in the middle of the backyard. His yell captures the attention of Morgan and Garcia who are dancing playfully together entertaining the two children and the adults standing on the patio. Who are now staring in confusion at Rossi as they see him chase after Reid catching up to him quickly.

You're barely able to hold it together trying to control your laughter as you watch the scene play out in front of you. Emily laughing along with you sipping her wine, having put the pieces together of who you could be to Rossi, and she was living for this drama.

Spencer, having reached Morgan, is now hiding behind him, holding on to his shoulders to keep him in front of him a shield. Morgan is holding up his hands in a “I surrender’ or more like a ‘Keep me the fuck out of this’ type of way. Morgan is just a sack of confusement and almost at a lack of words for this strange situation as he has Rossi in front of him. Who seems to be staring and wanting to scream at Reid for some unknown reason, but Morgan can easily read the amusement in Rossi's eyes.

~~~

“What the hell is going on here” Morgan asks, staring at Rossi, rolling his shoulder back trying to get Reid to loosen his tight grip. Glancing over at Garica who just has the same confused look on her face but she can’t stop giggling at the scaredly confused look on her Chocolate thunder's face.

“He's trying to kill me!” Reid exclaims dramatically, popping his head up over Morgan's shoulders.

“I'm not going to kill you Reid, not yet at least now come here” Rossi huffs annoyed, smirking at the look on Reid's face. Reid looks scared but there's a soft relaxed almost amused look on the kids face as well. Reid would always know that Rossi would never hurt him badly.

“Never thank you, I’m choosing life” Reid grins terrified.

“So am I” Morgan sighs, grabbing Reid by the wrist pulling him to the front of him, getting tired of being a human shield. “What did you even do, pretty boy?”

“More like who” Reid grumbles, his eyes widens even more as he realises that Rossi is walking even closer towards him so he quickly takes off running again.

“Reid!!!” Rossi yells annoyed and starts chasing the younger boy again, they start running around in a circle. Morgan and Garica shake their heads in confusion as they walk over to where JJ and Will are, hoping that they might have a clue as to what is going on. 

~~~

Your laughter slowly dies down as you sip on your drink. You and Emily finally decided to join the rest of the group outside on the patio. Everyone watches as your boyfriend and Uncle run around in a circle, occasionally stopping to yell words at each that no one seems to be able to hear being so far away. 

“Um, why is Dave trying to kill Reid?” A confused voice interrupts everyones watching time. You turn around to see who the new voice belongs to, breaking out in a new giant smile as you see Aaron standing there staring at the scene with a bemused look on his face.

“Oh my gosh Aaron?” You grin up at him, his eyes quickly shots over to you. The confusion quickly clearing up, grinning widely as he sees you.

“(Y/n), now that makes sense” He laughs lightly as he pulls you into a quick hug, which you return happily. “How have you been, kid?” He asks you as you two pull away, the team watching you two closely. Everyone's confusion just keeps getting higher as they watch their normally up tight unaffectionate unit chief, pull Reid's Boyfriend into a hug as if he's known you for years.

“I'm doing great Aaron, how are you going, how's Jack been?” Your thoughts automatically go to his son, who you use to babysit a lot and only stopped a couple years ago.

“He's great he should be around here somewhere” As if on queue Jack quickly runs from where he was playing in front of the group and towards his father.

“Dad guess what” Jack giggles and quickly stops as he spots you “(Y/N)!! It's you” He squeals, as he turns from his father and jumps up at you for a hug. Which you quickly accept, picking him up into your arms.

“Hey Jackie” You grin at him “I’ve missed you”

“I missed you too (Y/n/n) oohh I have so much to tell you” Jack grins up at you. Oh how you forgot how much the kid owns your heart.

“Well kid looks like you have all night to catch me up yeah?”

“Yesss” He grins at you as you place him back down. 

~~~

The conversation is broken up by Spencer and Rossi walking back over to the group laughing like complete idiots.

“Who's ready for pasta?” Rossi asks, ignoring everyone's questioning looks.

“Uh are we not going to get any answer as to whatever that was first?” Morgan asks, staring at them like the idiots they are.

“Nope food and more alcohol first” You speak up laughing at them as Spencer walks over to you wrapping his arm around you, leaning down to kiss you softly. A chorus of awws and cheers breakout through the group making you laugh as you pull away from him.

“Ew please don't do that in my house” Rossi groans as he walks to the kitchen. Making you break out in laughter once more as you follow him in leaving the group of confused people to follow in after you.

As the group makes its way to the kitchen where Dave has the pasta all ready to be served, taking a seat at the bench on one of the stalls closer to the end of the island. The team slowly comes to surround the kitchen, Spencer passes you a new drink as he stands behind you, his arms coming to wrap lovingly around your shoulders, allowing you to lean back into him.

“Aww you two are just the cutest” Penelope exclaims as she sits beside you smiling brightly at you two. You turnt  her with a big grin on your face.

“Oh we know but thank you” You chuckle softly, sipping on your drink looking over to Dave who's shaking his head. A soft loving smile on his face as he walks around the kitchen grabbing the utensils and plates for dinner. As the team surrounds the bench all taking a seat or standing at the end of the bench, all with a drink in their hands. The two little boys settled on the table in the corner of the room, colouring in as they wait for their food. The room is buzzing with chatter and laughter from the group, you don’t find it hard at all to slip into the rhythm of the group of people around you. 

~~~

“So Rossi, what's on the menu for tonight?” Emily asks as the attention is soon brought to the pasta set down in front of them. The warm smell of pepper and cheesy pasta starts filling the room.

“Spaghetti alla carbonara” Dave smiles proudly, as he starts putting some onto plates and walks over to the kids setting it down in front of them, who start cheering happily.

“Ohhh wait thats my favourite” You pipe up licking your lips as your mouth starts to water.

“Oh I know” Rossi smirks at you, his eyes full of mischief, chuckling softly as he sees the realisation settle on your face.

“You flipping knew didn’t you” It wasn't a question as you stare at him in disbelief only for him to chuckle more at you.

“Wait, how did you figure it out?” Spencer asks him, staring at him clueless.

“Oh come on it wasn’t hard” Dave laughs, shaking his head at them. “Oh come on, you two have been dating for the exact same time, both a lot happier recently. Your boyfriend works at the FBI and whenever I mentioned Reid you would avoid eye contact or your smile would grow” He looks at you pointedly, you want to argue with him but being at a loss of words you just close your mouth in retreat “And you” Rossi starts, turning to look at Reid. “Your boyfriend has the same name as my Godson, seriously, you’ve been avoiding me the last couple weeks Reid and then today on the Jet it wasn’t hard to put together” Dave can’t help but laugh at the look of surprise on both the boys face.

“I thought we were hiding it well” You argue weakly, pouting softly.

“Not at all,” Rossi smirks, passing plates of food around the group.

~~~

“Wait Godson, that makes so much sense” JJ laughs softly, staring at you three along with the rest of the team.

“Oh right I guess no one had told you guys yet” Aaron chuckles, shaking his head at you lot, taking his plate from Rossi.

“Wait, you knew he had a godson?” Morgan questions turning his attention to his boss.

“Oh yeah I knew who (Y/n) is, he’s also Jack's favourite babysitter” Aaron smirks looking at everyones confused little faces. 

“Wait so you seem to be quite close yet we are only just finding out about you now, why is that?” Emily asks, leaning forward sipping her wine.

“Oh I'm really good at being kept a secret, it all started with my parents” You laugh quietly to yourself trying your hardest to keep the bitterness out of your voice. Even if the room wasn’t filled with profilers, it wouldn’t take much to figure out what you said had made Rossi, Hotch and your boyfriend all tense up.

“Right, well on the cherry topic here's your dinner Angelo” Rossi clears his throat handing over your plate of dinner.

“Thank you Papa Pasta” You smirk cheekily at him as you reach over to grab it from him, only to be given a disapproving look.

“Papa pasta?” Garcia burst out laughing alongside the rest of the room, who couldn't contain themselves after seeing the look on Rossi's face.

Rossi takes the plate away from you and passes it to Morgan instead who is the last to get his food.

“Hey!!” You exclaim, staring at him trying your best to keep a straight face.

“I told you to never use that nickname again” 

“Oops my bad!” You laugh lightly, smiling brightly at him. “Can I please get my dinner please?” The room seems to be holding back their laughter now as Rossi rolls his eyes passing you a new plate of pasta.

~~~

As the night goes on with laughter and funny borderline embarrassing stories of the team, it may have only been hours but you're already starting to feel like a part of the gang already. Soon the group has made its way to the living room, spreading over the couches, Will had left not long after dinner taking both boys home for a sleepover. You're sipping your drink leaning your head into Spencer’s shoulder, allowing yourself to feel happy and enjoy the night. Your face was burning with how much you have been smiling and laughing throughout the night.

“And that is why we never let Reid and Morgan go alone together to get food on a case” JJ finishes telling the story, no one in the room could contain their laughter anymore. Spencer tries hiding his bright red face behind your neck, laughing softly as he does so. 

“Hey hey it was not our fault how were we supposed to know we would accidentally order 2 bags full of ketchup” Morgan argues playfully loudly, the alcohol running through his system making his voice louder than usual. 

“Oh come on sugar what did you expect?” Penelope giggles, resting her head on Morgan's shoulder. Her cheeks are bright red due to the alcohol, smiling widely as she stares up at Morgan.  

“There is a story I would like to know” Emily speaks smirking, turning to look at you and Spencer.

“Oh no Emily, I told you not to ask, '' Spencer groans as he brings his face back out from behind your neck.

“Fine I won't then” Emily wiggles her eyebrows giggling softly. Staring at her in confusion you glance at your boyfriend feeling the whole room watching you two silent laughing at your reaction.

“I will then. So (Y/n) how did you two meet?” JJ giggles tipsy, sipping on her drink as she leans into the couch staring at you.

You couldn't hold back the groan of regret that slips through your lips as you hang your head backwards. Why did they have to ask that question, that night you meet Spencer had been full of regret at the time.

“Oh I know that look” Dave chuckles, shaking his head in amusement. “Tequila or vodka?” 

“Both, and way too much of it” You groan, closing your eyes, hearing the room start laughing at you once more.

“You were so drunk” Spencer teases you lightly, thinking back to the night.

“At least I didn’t vomit all over my shoes” You shoot back. Opening your eyes to glare jokingly at him.

“No you were classy and vomited into a bush after walking straight into a pole” Spencer laughs harder, smiling lovingly at you. You shake your head at him as you look at him getting lost in his eyes, smiling more as you take in all his beautiful features. 

“Awww you two are so in love” Penelope giggles drunkenly, her voice pulling you out of your drunken glaze. Turning your attention back to the room, blushing deeply as you notice everyone staring at you.

“Yes they are” Dave rolls his eyes standing up. “Who needs another drink, I know if I do if I'm going to hear this story” 

“Ohh I do” Emily smiles more 

“Me to” You agree, smiling. “I believe I heard someone found a Jaguar earlier” You smile cheekily up at your Uncle, just hoping he would bring it out.

“Fine” Dave sighs but then smirks at Reid. “Only because your boyfriend here is sober and is going to have to be the one to deal with you once you start drinking that shit” Dave chuckles at the look of fear on Reid's face.

“Oh please no” Spencer groans. Earning a soft slap on the thigh, followed by a kiss on the cheek.

~~~

Once everyone has fresh drinks, and is all settled back down again the story of how you and Spencer meet is brought up once more.

“So you two were drunk when you two met?” Morgan smirks looking at Reid. “When do you ever drink Reid?”

“For one I wasn’t drunk at the beginning, and two we first meet about two years ago through some mutual friends, it was a special occasion”

“You just kept doing shot after shot trying to impress the cute blonde with blue eyes” You laugh as your boyfriend turns as red as a rose. 

“Yeah but then it turns out she was a bitch” Spencer shrugs smiling down at you in his arms, it almost feels like it's just you two in the room when you stare into his eyes.

“Woah did Spencer just call someone a bitch?” JJ gasps dramatically, placing her hand over her chest.

“I think our boy genius did, ooh someone was being bad huh?” Emily chuckles lightly leaning into JJ side. The alcohol makes her tired and turns her into a cuddling mood.

“She was being a homophobic, transphobic fuck so my knight in shining armor decided to stand up for me” You smile happily, not even realzing you had just outed your self. You wouldn’t have known except the room went quiet for a few brief seconds.

“Wait your trans” Penelope breaks the silence. Her voice radiating excitement, looking at you with a huge grin on her face.

“Trans and proud of it” You smile back at her. You never notice the proud smiles and looks that Rossi and Hotch share with each other, as they see just how far you come with your self acceptance journey. 

“My brother’s also transgender” Penelope shares excitedly.

“Really that's so cool” You smile more, relaxing more into Spencer's arms.

“Hey you never told us that babygirl” Morgan smiles softly, before turning his attention back to you and Spencer. 

~~~

“So what Spencer, you decided that someone was hurting your boy, so you had to rescue him huh?” Morgan smirking teasingly at Reid.

Spencer clears his throat, his face heating up again. “Oh uh something like that”

“Oh no what happened?” Aaron asks, keeping his laughter at bay as he recognises that look of embarrassment and regret slipping on to the younger boy's face.

“Oh well…” Spencer trails off.

“He decided that he would, while drunk spout off some statistics about how homophobic people end up and alone and proceed to call her a slut in front of the whole bar and then she throw her drink at him and we both got escorted out of the bar after that” You laugh loudly as you remember the look of shock on his face that night. The alcohol that slipped down his lost puppy dog face, as the bouncer grabbed his arm and pushed you both out of the bar. 

“You two got kicked out of the bar?” Emily asks between her laughter, because of course Reid would be the one to get kicked out for starting a bar fight by talking statistics.

“Attaboy Reid” Dave cheers, smiling proudly at the kid. Dave already approved of you dating Spencer but the fact that the kid stood up for you only hours after meeting you, made him realise that he is the one for you.

“It was a hell of night, after that we went to another bar just us two and did shots for the rest of the night until it closed” You grin sipping on your drink, finishing it again. Spencer is quick to get you a refile, picking up the bottle that lays beside you topping up your glass.

~~~

“So if that all happened two years ago why did it take you two ages to start dating” JJ questions curiously.

“Well I had just broken up with my ex and went through a bit of a rebound sex for a few months after that” 

“Was that after you broke up with Caleb?” Rossi interrupts you, giving you a disgusted look.

“Yes Caleb, I know you didn’t like him” You sigh rolling your eyes.

“You did have shit taste in men (Y/n)” Aaron adds in, defending Rossi.

“Hey! I expect this from Dave but you Aaron that just mean” You pout at him earning a soft laugh from the man.

“I feel like there is so much we don’t know about you (Y/n)” Emily stares at in awe.

“You need to get more alcohol in me then you will know everything” Chuckling softly as you smile at the girl.

“Okay wait I still haven't gotten my whole story yet” JJ complains, her words smushing together lightly, due to the alcohol.

“Oh right right sorry JJ’ Emly quickly apologies encouraging you to continue.

“Okay well after that night out me and Spence decided to keep in contact soon we became pretty good friends, hanging out when we could with our busy schedules, after about a year I started releasing I was falling for him, so well..”

“He decided to ghost me for weeks on end instead of just adamant how he felt, it took months for me to finally get him to admit he was heads over heels for me” Spencer smiles proudly as he finishes telling the story.

“I should have realised earlier that you felt the same way seeing as you've been pining after me for the last two years” Teasing him softly. Closing your eyes slowly, tiredness running through your body. Spencer presses his soft lips to your head as he sees your eyes drifting close, knowing how exhausted you can get after drinking.

“Aw that is adorable” JJ giggles, nudging Emily lightly grinning at her.

“Who knew Spencer would look so cute being used as a pillow” Emily laughs at him. Only for Spencer to glare at her, trying his hardest not to smile at how cute you look in his arms.

“He's also a really comfy pillow” You laugh quietly, smiling widely. Opening your eyes in a haze.

~~~

“Hey uh guys” Aaron calls out trying his best to stop his laughter, which is slipping throughout his words. Everyones turns their attention to look at what Aaron seems to be pointing at. Which is a sleeping Derek and Penelope curled up together on the couch snoring softly. The team has to try to control their laughter when they see them, just sleeping peacefully doing their best not to wake them.

“Oh someone please take a picture of that so I can tease them tomorrow” Spencer whispers giggling softly.

“On it” Rossi smirks, pulling his phone out, taking a few photos of their tangled bodies on the couch.

“Hey, does anyone have a marker?” Emily grins up at the room.

“Prentiss, no” Aaron sighs, shaking his head with a playfully smile.

“Prentiss yes, I know where they are” Laughing quietly as you stand up wobbly, walking out quickly your legs shaking under you. You know the amount of alcohol you have consumed tonight you might regret in the morning. You return quickly with a handful of markers handing a couple to Emily as you walk past her and over to the sleeping bodies.

“Did you go into my study?” Dave stares at you in shock, noticing that you have the good quality markers.

“I did, that's where the nice stuff is” Smirking at Emily who's kneeling beside you, who giggles quietly glancing back at Dave instantly recognizing the unimpressed look on his face.

“(Y/n) I think you're my spirit animal” She whispers quietly as she starts drawing a moustache carefully on Morgan's face.

“Well thank you” Smiling brightly as you go and drawing kitten whiskers on Penelope cautiously, so as to not wake her.

Soon JJ has joined you both and is drawing on Morgan's arms grinning as you all come up with silly things to draw on them.

“Okay that's enough” Dave sighs standing above you five, holding a pile of blankets. “Give me the markers and you three can stay the night in the spare bedrooms” 

“But Uncle Daveee we aren’t finished yet” You whine softly, staring up at him pouting.

“Yes you are now up, I’ve already made sure your bedroom is ready for you (Y/n) now come on” He sighs, placing the blanket down, taking the markers off you and the two girls. Which results in all three of you pouting and whining for them back.

“They're like children” Dave huffs looking over at Hotch for support but he just laughs at the poor man's looks.

“They are your responsibility tonight Dave, I'm off duty” He chuckles while sipping on his drink.

~~~

“Fine we will get up” JJ sighs, standing up grabbing Emily hand pulling her up with her.

“Fineee I'm up” Emily mumbles, walking back over to where the alcohol was. “Wait where's the alcohol go?”

“I put it away, it is bedtime” Reid laughs, shaking his head at his coworkers drunken state, his eyes coming to land on you. Seeing you swaying on the spot as you stare at the wall past everyone, you were now growing quiet which was starting to worry him. He knows how you get when you are tired and drunk, your emotional side tends to slide out. He walks over to you, slowly wrapping his arms around your waist resting his head on your shoulder. 

“You ready for bed darling?” He whispers softly into your ear.

“Yeah” You breath out, leaning into his touch. He lets go of your waist, taking your hand in his as he walks back over to the group of people. The blankets are now covering the sleeping Penelope and Derek who haven't even woken once yet. Emily and JJ are holding onto each other giggling softly in their drunken hazy having a hard time trying to stand still.

“You two are going to need help getting up those stairs” Aaron repates smiling softly, shaking his head at JJ.

“Nooo Hotch we got this” JJ giggles turning around taking Emily's hand trying her hardest to walk straight to the staircase but they both end up stumbling and almost tripping over, again. If it wasn’t for Aaron who managed to grab her arms stabilise her.

“Okay maybe we need help” JJ laughs more, her eyes fluttering close.

“Okay JJ I gotcha ya” Hotch laughs lightly, wrapping his arm around her back. He has been enjoying tonight, watching his team having a night of relaxation. They need it after all the trauma and hard cases they have to deal with.

“Dave, do me and Spence get my old bedroom?” Muttering softly as you watch him try to stop Emily from falling over she lets go of JJ.

“Yeah Kiddo, that room will always be yours” Dave smiles softly, notices the secure grip Spencer has on you. Dave couldn’t be more happy that the two of you finally found each other.

“Wait, you used to live here” Spencer asks softly.

“Nah, well kind of, I use to crash here weekly when I grew up, to get away from my transphobic fuck called parents” Grumbling loudly as you let Spencer help pull you past his team and up the stairs to your bedroom.

~~~

Yor bedroom hasn't changed much since you were a teenager. The draws still have pictures of you and a few old friends on it, along with photos of you and Dave, even some including Stephen as well. Smiling softly as you sit down on the bed kicking your shoes off, watching as Spencer walks over the draws, looking at the photos you have on them.

“I haven't seen many photos of you as a kid” Spencer smiles softly as he looks at them. Noticing that in every photo you always have tilted your head to the side slightly, it's his favourite thing about how you look in photos.

“I don’t like photos of me, but these ones are special to me” You smile, your heart filling with love as he turns back towards you smiling more at you.

“But you're so adorable in every photo” He smiles more as he sits on the bed beside you, wrapping his arms around you pulling you into his chest.

“Gosh I love you Spencer” You whisper closer to your eyes, feeling safe in his arms.

“I love you to (Y/n), Let's get some sleep, yeah?” He whispers back, laying you both down.

“I never thought I would bring a guy I truly love back here you know” Speaking into the silence of the room. “This is my safe place, I never bring anyone here because I knew they weren’t the right fit for me you know, but you're different Spence. I think you're the one” Speaking slowly, your words fill with love and affiliation, tears swarming in your eyes. The room falls silent again, thinking you might have overstepped a boundary. Opening up your heart too much, telling him he's the one for you might have been too much, especially while drunk.

“Thank you.. For telling me I know that's hard opening up, I feel the same way with my team it's why I’ve never intrude them to anyone I’ve dated before because when I did, I wanted it to be the right one” He smiles softly, squeezing you gently as he had felt your body tense up as he took his time thinking of the right words to speak.

“I'm so glad we have each other Spence” Smiling gently, leaning over to kiss him softly. “Goodnight Amore Mio”

“Gooodnight love”

#criminal minds #criminal minds fic #spencer reid one shot #david rossi kid #david rossi is over protective i love it #spencer reid x trans reader #spencer reid x trans boyfriend #spencer reid bisexual #spencer reid is bi #spencer reid boyfriend #spencer reid x gideon reader #spencer reid x rossi reader

[somenerdfromwhatever]

Nex didn't deserve to die.

Warning: This is a massive rant that deals with heavy topics. It's long, it's blunt, but I want to share this because quite frankly, it's sickening and I want to use my platform for good.

On February 19th 2024, I heard something that really drove me and others up a wall:

Nex was brutally murdered by 3 female bullies in their school all because they are human. With no help from their own school system to save them, it's no surprise why they deserve the criticism for their inaction.

Now why did I say, because "they are human" instead of "they are non-binary"? I'm not denying they are non-binary, as a non-binary myself it is disturbing to hear such awful news. I am not ignoring this critical information. They are valid.

Truth is, I want to highlight their HUMANITY because the LGBT community are humans like you.

I never met Nex personally, but I feel a deep connection with them as a fellow non-binary person. I know what it's like to face bullying, harassment, and discrimination for being who I am. Even before I came out as non-binary, growing up with autism, I know the pain. Middle School was a pain for me because of it, it led me to hate myself. I know what it's like to live in fear and pain, to struggle with self-acceptance and self-love. I'm happy that their family accepted them for who they are and I feel sorry for their loss as well. This shouldn't have happened.

The more I think about this, the worse it gets. If Nex was not non-binary, if they were just another student that day, how would the public react? Everyone would be outraged and demand justice! But because Nex was non-binary, I have seen a lot of people, a lot of DISGUSTING people, say that they deserved it and that they were NOT HUMAN. In fact, that is why I hooked y'all's attention by saying that they are murdered because "they are human". I want to make this clear: Regardless of gender identity, Nex's inherent humanity is first and foremost.

As I see those countless comments pile up minute after minute, hour after hour... all I can mutter is "why?"

How can anyone promote and celebrate a death of another human being for just being themselves? How can anyone love to deny the humanity of others because they expressed their souls for who they are? How can anyone celebrate deaths of others who love the same gender, who become trans, or non-binary? Even after everything is set and stone, literally how?

And if these "people" who hate them do believe in some god or religion, why would they be hypocrites to their own god? Didn't their god say "Love thy neighbor", and "Don't bear false witness"? How can they claim to follow their faith, when they violate its most basic principles? I have a dad who practices religion sometimes but not a lot, I told him about this and the hypocritical nature of some of these people. The best way he worded it is this: "they can't claim to love god if they bastardize their teachings. God will roll their eyes and send them straight to hell."

Is this what humanity is now? Celebrating the death of innocents who their "crime" is living their best life?

There is no political two-sided debate on this issue. In fact, THERE NEVER WAS.

We are human, just like everyone else. We are human, and we matter.

And if I can for a moment, I notice a common theme here when it comes to these horrendous acts:

For a lot of these people that hate the LGBT community but love freedoms like free speech, it is pretty telling how much these people care about themselves and not practicing what the constitution preaches. It's hilarious yet baffling. Remember the book bans? They love to say it's to protect the kids but their ulterior motives prove otherwise. They targeted government public libraries all across the country claiming that books who celebrate being different are a "cancer". It wouldn't be surprising if they cheered for KOSA, a sweeping censorship law masquerading as child protection, but in reality, aimed at tightening control over Americans like myself to limit our expression. They want to censor and silence our stories, our voices, our experiences. They want to erase and deny our existence, our diversity, our humanity. They want to ban books that feature stories that say it's ok to be different. They want to forbid us from wearing clothes that express our gender identity or challenge gender stereotypes, even if they are harmless and comfortable. They are afraid of "drag", which is just fabric and makeup, which is hilarious how they managed to get so worked up on that.

Even more hilarious is the fact that they "claim" to hate China, Russia, and other authoritarian countries for their censorship, but they are damn eager to emulate it here in the "land of the free". Passing laws that blatantly violate our rights and our constitution every day. How do they not see the irony? It's pretty god damn telling right? Almost as if their version of "freedom" is not free for the people, but free for themselves. Freedom of expression is not selective, it is universal. If you respect the right of others to have different political views, you should also respect the right of others to have different identities.

"Land of the free" am I right? By expressing these statements, you really are no different from the countries you claim to hate.

This world is a cruel place, and the people that are cruel are the most pathetic people of all. Especially those that:

Be afraid of people using rooms with toilets all because they are different.

Be hateful and violent towards people who are different from them.

Be ignorant and arrogant about the diversity and complexity of human nature.

Be offended over people wearing fabric and clothing that is different from the norm that promotes their expression.

I’m not taking this post down. Say what you want on what I think, but we tried explaining this to you many times, the facts are all there clear as day and clear as crystal.

We are human.

Rest in Peace Nex. May justice come to those that wronged you.

#nex benedict #lgbt pride #lgbtq #lgbt #lgbtq community #lgbtqia #queer #queer community #queer pride #nonbinary #genderfluid #enby #genderqueer #trans #gnc #transgender #transfem #trans pride #trans woman #trans femme #trans man #justice for nex benedict #justice for nex

[dog-park-dissidents]

I’m a queer anarchist, and your music has really helped me accept myself, so here goes…what advice do you have on loving my radical self? I find myself trying to look respectable and chill to avoid being a stereotype, opting out of actions to please my family, and just internalizing a lot of BS about what it means to be an anarchist in the world. Thank you so much!!

David Graeber, RIP, guy at Occupy Wall Street who coined the slogan "we are the 99%," often said he was a "small-a anarchist" and that anarchism was a thing he did, not an identity. That is probably the healthiest way to engage with anarchism in a modern world where political identities and political language have been turned into sports teams and brands, completely divorced from anything that the words behind them actually mean. US politics at least have turned into "are you a LIBERAL or a CONSERVATIVE" which sort of means something but also means nothing, and its meanings contradict each other to the point of uselessness. They're not real ideological frameworks, after all. Nobody can give you a coherent manifesto of US American "Liberalism" but it's the thing you're supposed to agree with if you don't think gay people should die?? Maybe??? It doesn't even have any connection with the philosophy of classical liberalism, which is closer to stereotypically Republican fiscal politics, EXCEPT for when the ostensible "left wing" liberals actually agree with that shit? Anyway yeah it's a mess and it's no wonder why the younger generation is desperately trying to find an alternative way of labeling themselves so as to signal that we're outside of all that bullshit.

So don't do that. Actually be outside of all that bullshit instead of coming up with an edgier sports team to root for. Not that you're necessarily doing that, but just, remember not to do that.

Focus on the material circumstances you live in: the state and money and laws and all that shit are just things somebody made up one day before you were born. You exist in a world you had no say in constructing. Your goal is to figure out how to survive, and then to thrive, and then to be happy, under these circumstances. And ideally make them better for everyone else.

Now as for opting out of actions to please your family. Sounds like you're stuck in a family situation where you're not free to go where you want and be yourself without scrutiny, and that sucks. From the perspective of an effective anarchist, remember that it's from each according to their ability, and you don't have to feel any guilt about not doing your part to change the world.

But from a queer perspective? That queerness sounds a lot more like what's causing your tension about making yourself look more respectable. And that plays into this feeling you have of being trapped by family, or by capitalism, or whatever forces are making you feel the need to put yourself in a box. Obviously you've woven your queer identity pretty deep with your anarchism, which is good, but that definitely makes the desire to express your anarchist identity a whole lot stronger. It can feel like the same thing as your sexual orientation or gender when it's such a deep part of your worldview.

And that makes for a big contradiction in a world where political labels have turned into deep personal identities at the expense of any coherent intellectualism. Whoops. Everybody else has been forced to pick a vapid red or blue choice and here you are with an extremely deep sense of pink and black. Uh oh.

But that's the great thing about queerness, is to be comfortable existing as a contradiction, as category-defying, as someone that doesn't need to be intellectually consistent because you simply ARE. So be you. Don't feel like you have to debate the chuds in your head to explain your existence.

[nightswithkookmin]

3D SLAYS WITH JACK HARLOW

I'm not here to tell anyone how to feel but I'm just saying Jackie killed those bars.

I don't want to get into this whole debate over whether or not Jack Harlow's verse was offensive because Jack is for the black girlies and the queers and I'm black and queer. Let's leave it there

And frankly I was too busy deciphering all the Easter eggs and black and white themes and weirdly familiar lyrics and all the diversity in there to notice anything off with Jack.

He's a white guy in a predominantly black space who is not only aware of this but is also less misogynoire-cist than a lot of these gay hating black rappers out here. I'll take Harlow over any day because I ain't tryna hear another homophobic rapper with internalized racism make caricature of black women and call it music.

Yall hate misogynists, I hate homophobic misogyny targeted at black queer women specifically even more and to me Jack is far from that. So may be there's a conflict of interest here somewhere caused by my intersecting identities.

And as a feminist I have a problem endorsing the slut shaming of men just as much as I disagree with the slut shaming of women.

How are we shaming this man over openly talking bout thoting.

And it's crazy cos we all be put here drooling over BTS openly talking bout wanting to be choked to death by these boys but God forbid a grown man says in his songs he is polyamorous.

Equality of genders means we can not slut shame men from expressing their sexual desires any more than we can slut shame women.

And 2023, monogamy isn't the only valid relationship model. Why does this feel like monogamy is the new heteronormativity?

And it's not as if he's glamorizing cheating on a partner, or drugs or gun violence.

I feel we've been fighting misogyny and objectification of women by men for so long we can't even tell what a healthy expression of male desire looks like.

I think Jack is so real for those lyrics. Some men and even women do like to fantasize about getting with different women. And having female attention really is form of validation for lots of men. For a lot of them it's deeply tied to their self worth.

Women will always be the object of desire for straight men. But that don't mean any time they talk about that subject that they are objectifying women. That's like saying men hurt women for pounding them at night- sex is not inherently oppressive. It's the lack of consent, and the treating women as if all we are good for is sex that makes it oppressive.

As long as he isn't berating women calling us slurs or promoting the objectification of women he and I are good.

From where I sit all I heard was a man discussing and bragging about his insatiable lust- for that I'll recommend he speaks to his therapist. Jesus can't help him.

He has an appetite. We shouldn't slut shame him for that. Misandry is not how we are going to fix misogyny.

If a girl sang the same lyrics we would be tweaking right about now.

Plus these lyrics are even pretty tame in comparison. Lmho. Jack has always been vulgar and explicit. Jack's personality to me is why I like him to be frank. He's pushed for visibility and acceptance of the gay community more than any non queer rapper you can think of.

As far as his talent as a rapper goes- I only care about his songs when he's featuring lil Nas X or Jungkook

I'm just gonna have to throw him back to yall

BUT PLEASE LEAVE 3D ALONE.

PLEASE AND THANK YOU.

[risingscorchingsuns]

What was hikaru's transition experience in the corps? How did they take his coming out (if that happened)? How easy was it for him to get care (you said shinobu did his top surgery)?

This is a great question! Unfortunately Hikaru being trans is one of the most historically inaccurate parts of his story, if not medically, then definitely socially. I use a lot more modern methods and language because I wanted Hikaru to be trans similarly to how I am. It’s my canon-accurate Achilles Heel 😭

Don’t get me wrong, trans people definitely existed back in the Taisho period!! We’ve always been here, but back then we were recorded a little differently, generally regarded as “women in men’s clothing”, et cetera. I will never deny their existence, and Hikaru being modern with his gender expression isn’t meant as erasure or denial to them, but as an expression of myself via a fictional character. Their existence is real, and valid, and they are no less trans than Hikaru- at the end of the day, he’s my silly little self insert, and I wanted to write his experiences based off of mine. If the focus of Hikaru’s story was his gender journey, I would put more emphasis on the time period and the difficulties surrounding being trans in the Taisho period, but the themes surrounding Blazing Heart’s Rhapsody are acceptance and solace found within family, and love in spite of war. This isn’t a story about trans people- Hikaru just happens to be trans ☺️

Hikaru realized he was a boy very very young, (probably around 6 or 7) and his father, Hiroki, encouraged him to live in whatever fashion made him feel most comfortable. Because Hikaru grew up in the woods with only his father and little brothers, he was never really socialized as a woman or a man- he was just Hikaru, the oldest Eritora child. He likely hit puberty while living on his own in the Sumitomo Forest, but didn’t experience dysphoria until he was found by the Kochos when he was 16. When he was brought into the Corps, Hikaru experienced gender norms full-force for the first time. It wasn’t really that they didn’t support Hikaru being trans, it was more that he didn’t fit. He was Different, and that made him Othered. For the first time, Hikaru was struggling with where he belonged, and that was when he started to really learn the societal importance placed on gender roles. Additionally, Hikaru is neurodivergent, so these norms never made much sense to him logically in the first place. So while he never really had to come out, he did have to fit in, which was difficult for him to navigate. He talked to Shinobu, who in all her medical expertise, gave him the best advice she could. She was the one who helped him hormonally transition, (if she can inject herself with 700x the lethal dose of wisteria without fucking poisoning herself, she can probably make Hikaru’s testosterone. She’s iconic like that I think.) and ultimately it was Shinobu who helped Hikaru figure out where he stood in terms of gender identity. Hikaru is a self-made man in every sense of the phrase, but he couldn’t have done it without the help of those around him.

As for top surgery, I don’t really have a canon-friendly justification for that. Shinobu’s not a plastic surgeon, she’s probably done minor surgeries before, but never anything to the level of gender-affirming surgery. I feel like she’d DIY that shit tbh. She could pull it off. I’d let her do my top surgery. Shinobu says trans rights 🗣️

Thank you for this ask!!! I rarely get to do longform Hikaru analysis :D

#hikaru eritora #leon rambles #demon slayer oc #demon slayer #kny #kny oc #leon askbox

[doumadono]

Hey hey so I hope it's okay if I send in an Emergency Request.

Recently I've been on a new antipsychotic and it's causing weight gain, so they put me on a diet medication and I'm STILL gaining weight.

As someone with a past of having anorex!a this is MAJORLY triggering as now I'm in the "Overwe!ght" BMI range and I'm freaking the fuck out and wanting to d!e every single day.

So can I get a comfort with Shinsou who reaffirms the reader( who also struggles with gender dysphoria at the same time, so this is doubly hard ) that he will love them no matter what gender they are and how much they weigh and that they can work on losing weight in a healthy way and he will help them recovery from their ED habits together?

Shinso & s/o with gender dysphoria and anxiety about gaining weight

EMERGENCY REQS MASTERLIST

Shinsou notices your struggle and decides to have a heart-to-heart conversation with you. "You've been going through a lot lately, haven't you? Wanna talk?"

You open up about your experiences with gender dysphoria, the weight of the words lifting as you share this intimate part of yourself. "I've been grappling with my gender identity, and it's been a real struggle. I trust you, Shinso..."

The words pour out as you recount the toxic environment at home, the pressure to conform to harmful beauty standards, and the history of your family promoting your eating disorder. "My family, they've always pushed me toward this destructive path. It's been a battle to break free from their influence."

He starts by expressing genuine concern, acknowledging the difficulties you're facing with both medication and family issues.

There's a moment of vulnerability as you worry about how Shinsou will react. "I'm afraid you'll see me differently, that this will be too much for you..."

Shinsou reassures you that he cares deeply for you, emphasizing that your worth isn't determined by your weight or gender. "I want you to know that I adore every part of you, regardless of what your family or society says. Your gender identity is valid, and your journey is uniquely yours, remember that, sweetpie."

Shinsou encourages you to focus on your health rather than conforming to societal standards, stressing that your well-being matters most.

He suggests finding positive outlets for stress relief and encourages you to explore activities that bring joy and fulfillment. "How about we make some tasty, nutritious snacks together? It's a small step, but a positive one, don't you think?"

Shinsou reminds you that your identity and body are yours to define, and he supports you in every decision you make.

He shares stories of his own struggles, highlighting that everyone faces challenges, and growth is possible through perseverance.

Shinsou proposes working together on setting achievable, healthy goals, whether related to weight or personal development.

He assures you that he's there for you every step of the way, offering support and understanding. "You're strong, you know? Facing everything head-on."

He uses his quirk to gently ease some of the emotional burden you're carrying, showing how he cares about your mental well-being.

Shinsou encourages open communication, emphasizing that your feelings and experiences are valid, and he's here to listen without judgment. "It's always better to talk to your trusted person, isn't it, sweetpie?"

The air hung heavy with a subdued tension as you found solace in the quiet corner of your shared living space with Shinso. The weight of unspoken burdens rested on your shoulders, and as the tears welled up in your eyes, you couldn't hold back the overwhelming tide of emotion any longer.

Shinso noticed the tremble in your voice and the shimmer of unshed tears. He approached you with a gentle concern etched across his face. "Hey, what's going on? You seem… distant."

A shaky breath escaped your lips as you attempted to articulate the complex emotions swirling within. "It's just… my family. They've never understood, and now with everything else… It feels like I'm drowning in their expectations. I'm also struggling with my gender... I feel like I'm drowning, Shinso..."

Shinso sat beside you, a silent gesture that spoke volumes. "You can talk to me. I'm here for you. Breathe. In and out, in and out. Calm down and pour it all out. It'll ease your stress. And no matter what, I'll stay by your side, always. You're perfect just the way you are. I love everything about you."

With a heavy exhale, you began to unravel the painful narrative of a family that had never truly been supportive. "They always had these expectations, these ideals of what they thought I should be. It's suffocating. They pushed me into this dark spiral of self-doubt, made me believe I was never enough. And thank you for your kind words, baby..."

The tears flowed freely now, a cathartic release of pent-up emotions.

Shinso, understanding the weight of your words, placed a comforting hand on your shoulder. "You are more than enough, and I'm here to help you break free from those chains. You don't have to carry their expectations anymore."

In the warmth of Shinso's reassurance, you continued to share the heart-wrenching details of a family that promoted destructive behaviors, exacerbating your struggles. "They encouraged my unhealthy habits, made me believe that I had to conform to their standards. It's been a never-ending battle."

Shinso's gaze never wavered, a silent pillar of support. "You're not alone anymore. We'll face this together, and I promise you, their expectations won't define your worth."

As you poured out your heart to Shinso, the weight on your shoulders began to lift, replaced by the gentle embrace of understanding and empathy coming from your beloved boyfriend.

#emergency request #bnha shinsou #shinso hitoshi #shinsou x reader #shinso x reader #hitoshi shinsou #shinso fluff #mha fluff #bnha fluff #hitoshi shinso x reader #hitoshi shinsō #mha shinsou #boku no hero academia #mha x reader #mha x you

[blackstarchanx3new]

FSR Rambles 12 times Vaati got his ass kicked

Insanity, Vaati being pathetic.

What's new?

Ooop. Zelda showing off how she'll kill you within 2 seconds of being in HER castle.

Link's letter was smth addressed earlier: He warned her with a letter he was going to pull the sword.

Which implies a certain amount of impersonal-ness to the action. He didn't want her talking him out of it lmfao. He was already struggling with defying Vio's persistence so it makes sense he didn't want Zelda to try and logic his ass either.

Her outfit being the sneaky armor in botw, presumably so she could sneak attack, whoever ended up attacking her.

I thought it'd also be a fun throwback to Sheik and spoiler:

Zelda's gender identity is pretty open. Link referred to her with "They" pronouns earlier in the comic but I didn't feel it was very relevant to bring up at the time lmfao. Zelda's all sorts of gender in this comic to say the least.

The reason why Vaati knows she's around is smth I'll get into later when it's more relevant.

"Damn would you have preferred Gannon???" - Vaati probably.

Zelda isn't playing around she wants to know where her blonde twink is at.

Vaati is a bitch about it of course.

Oh she mad.

She real mad.

"PATRICK THATS NOT A HOOKER!!!"

"It's not?"

"ITS A BOMB 💣!!!!"

Vaatis stupid as hell expression before she goes boom is hilarious to me.

Smth people seem to be CONFUSED about fsr is Vaati's not so subtle Zelda simping.

Vaati is a Zelda simp, that's really all there is too it. The extent of that simping is smth I've joked about a lot.

So he got his ass handed to him.

Shadow himself noted vaati must be weak as hell earlier so. Guess he was right.

Smth of note: vaati is struggling to keep his form in the "wind mage" form. As his body keeps trying to revert to the "wind demon" design

Those titles are used interchangeably in the manga but I call his Hylian disguise his "wind mage" form and the demon form his "wind demon" form personally.

Zelda casually drops the fact she was trying to murder Vaati with that blast. She isn't playing around. Makes sense this asshole held her prisoner for who knows how long before and did something to her best friend.

Haha vaatis pathetic and also in pain.

Good.

His suffering is all the direct cause of his own actions so...hard to feel TOO bad for him rn.

Zelda certainly doesn't.

Link’s shitty state outright made her a more cold hearted person it seems.

Not that'd I'd blame her for that lmfao.

Vaati struggling to get back to being handsome lmfao.

Vaati, my bro, when are you going to do a single thing for yourself????

Okay but the implication Dark Link let Vaati get his ass kicked and only jumped in to help when Vaati called for help is very funny.

Dark links comedically large sword is just interesting. It's not a four sword replica like Shadow’s.

Zelda is in shock at the weird Link coming out of nowhere.

Darks immediate reaction of being flustered at seeing Zelda is so funny to me.

"HYLIA'S MASSIVE TITS, IT'S A WOMAN!!!"

And fun note: This is the first time Dark's actually for reals appeared in the physical world and not just in the "Headspace".

Subtly creepy he isn't just a mental problem but a physical danger as well.

His attack was very calculated, as he didn't hurt Zelda and just slammed his sword in front of her...

...Haven't we seen smth...SIMILAR TO THIS?

Huh well, look at that...

Sweaty weirdo Dark Link enters the chat.

No it was not just for the memes he's actually just like that lmfao.

So from what we know about Dark so far there's some things to note:

Our buddy boy can see the memories of others and "live" through their experiences.

Yall see what it is getting at right?

Shadow link, Vio, and Vaati's emotions and memories are influencing Darks inability to harm Zelda here.

And perhaps he formed feeling a certain kind of way about her.

He associates her with positive feelings lmfao.

Their influence aside, he still chooses not to hurt her on his own.

Vaati’s reaction is priceless.

Zelda seems to grant Dark some mercy, assumably because he outright denied Vaati here lol.

For his sparing of Zelda he gets squished like a dog toy. Poor Dark Link.

Vaati leaves with his dumbass lackey.

When you casualy blow a hole in your castle lmfao.

She's overwhelmed.

She need break.

She need hug.

She need...Link.

Pff.

Guys, he has self-awareness...fuck.

Vaati, that was just unnecessarily mean to your lackey.

Also Dark Link appearance wise:

His hair color has changed. It's purple toned now when it was grey blue toned earlier....

Okay I'll stop being coy it's because he's mimicking Vio's appearance.

Oh. Well, that's a face, alright...

Is he ANGRY? Is he HAPPY?

Did he make that face because he knows it'd freak Vaati out?

Vaati’s abusive bullshit doesn't seem to damper his mood at least as he's smiling in the 3rd panel.

Dark link and Shadow link are very different people, ESPECIALY when it comes to how they cope with Vaati's abuse.

It left a mark on Shadow where as as of right now at least, Dark acts MOSTLY unbothered by it.

Let's face it rn his idea of normal relationships are Shadow and vio lmfaoooooooo-

The dudes who both almost murdered each other.

Pff

His "I want kisses too" line will never not get a laugh out of me.

It's so indicative of how he actually feels.

He wants kisses.

He drops that Shadow is the demon king and for a second you gotta wonder if Vaati was like

"...Why is Gannon smooching Vio?????"

Dark Link also wants to dance. Both are things he saw Vio and Shadow do, mind you...

Vaati has no idea wtf is going on lmfao.

Dark has eclipsed him as the true villain of this comic-

I say in jest.

Dark casually recaps stuff we already kinda know.

While trying to dance with Vaati pff.

Funny enough, taking the lead in said dance, which reflects how he's the one doing all the work rn.

So, Dark link is interpreting peoples feelings, not 100% understanding them. 🤔

He has to actually think about Blue's emotional state hah and even seems surprised.

It's funny to think that even Green picked up on blue being jealous, and basically everyone did, but Dark had to think about it...

Kinda shows he doesn't really understand people much. Like TRUELY.

Or he's just not as interested in blue vs Vio and Shadow.

Dark stutters again like he did when he was face to face with Zelda.

Vaatis so mean mocking his stutter and continues to berate him.

Well that was an outburst.

And I finally get to talk in detail about Dark Link’s "mechanics" for a lack of a better term will expand on the next page.

Design/art wise:

Dark's teeth are all sharp here when normally, despite being a demon his teeth are flat/human looking teeth.

The background is a more red version of the head-space Vio and Green have been dragged to when Dark talks to them/at them.

Immediately he's back to being himself.

Weirdly happy, which settles in the true horror of the previous outbirst:

He didn't mean, a single word of what he just said.

He said that, PURELY to hurt Vaati because it's something that Vaati already feels about himself. He wasn't actually MAD at Vaati and snapping in response to Vaati's abuse. He was just reflecting Vaati's anger right back at him.

So smth about Dark:

He often reflects DIRECTLY how others behave.

Instances of such:

The madder Vaati got in this talk, the "angrier" Dark Link got right back at him.

He shouted at Dark to "Do something" and he responded angrily back that he didn't want to hurt Zelda.

He shouted and berated Dark Link causing Dark to shout that nobody loves Vaati.

Dark Link's nature is to be calm, quiet, pretty "Happy" and kinda hopelessly romantic lmao. He wants to have his idea of "Fun" with people.

He MIMICS people.

Dark has no identity of his own (At least he doesn't seem to realize he does) so often he just bounces off people. He only takes joy in hurting others atm.

Not even in an outright malicious way. At least not the kind of malicious that's "haha I broke the hero because I hate him". This is just what his idea of "Fun" is. What his idea of normal interactions are. This is just what he's suposed to be doing rn.

He isn't acting much outside of his direct reason for creation. What he even deems as fun is indicative of his creation as well.

Engaging with their range of emotions and characters and memories he deems interesting is FUN to him.

If his dialogue from page 121 is anything to go off of, bro really doesn't give a shit about his job. He just wants to have fun:

He finds it amusing Shadow can ALSO manipulate people's feelings, outright kind of complimenting him for it.

And then gets hopelessly distracted and starts talking about what he'd "Rather do" right now.

Which involves hugging Vio and reading oop.

He didn't get SUPER involved/invested in Shadow's memories until Vio and Shadow were doing more "interesting" things, at least in Dark's opinion of what is "interesting."

Dark wants to engage in relationships lmfao. But he's stuck engaging with memories living though them vicariously and hurting people he supposedly "Likes".

He wants to dance with someone and kiss them and in general have "happy" moments with someone. But is stuck being a curse that's only purpose is to break the hero apart and reflect negativity.

It's kinda sad.

But he clearly hasn't reflected on his own life/situation outside of Vaati's feelings towards him.

Also: Dark has no desire to kill any of the Link or Link himself...keep this in mind.

Again: He reflects Vaati's mood of annoyance with that face in the second panel. Which kills me. You just know Vaati's making the same face off screen lmfao.

Symbolism symbolism

Dark plucks the violet but leaves the silent princess alone outside of petting it. Call back to how he left Zelda alone.

He says more stuff we kinda already know, but recapping is good. Actually, we spent like 100 pages in flashbacks, hah.

It also shows what Dark learned/his takeaway from watching their interactions.

Haha oh Dark why are you ripping petals out?

There's smth to be said about him ripping the petals out as the game "She loves me, she loves me not" is a vibe that's being invoked here.

With the odd amount of petals (Being 5) it'd land on "She loves me" by the way.

A relatively innocent game turned into something sinister as he rips petals out in accordance with how many heroes there are.

Dark's behavior continues to be ODD, as he claims Shadow's predicament is "Sad". Which is true.

But...does his expression REALLY scream that he's ACTUALLY sad about it to you?

His chest eyeball just stares blankly forward, his body language implies he's just kinda pretending or acting sad.

Which makes sense, Dark hasn't been shown to clearly understand sorrow properly as even when he cried he was still smiling.

He compares Vio and Shadow's struggles with their identities directly as they're both struggling with who they're SUPOSED to be compared to who they are.

Again: he's ripping a petal out as he talks about each member of the Link squad.

Notes notes notes my favorite:

For whatever reason Vio is not in his present day look here. He's how he looked 7 years ago.

You could make a lot of different assumptions as to why:

Is this how Dark sees Vio? Vio visually represented to be stuck in the past. Vio just feeling more childishly scared in the face of what's happening.

Dark's comforting Vio here in a similar manor to how Shadow did though.

Also super weird: Dark actually in a round about way compliments Vio here.

"He's so blinded by his self hatred he can't see just how much everyone adores him because of his calm cool nature..."

Dark can feel how others feel about Vio and repeated those opinions.

This is smth to note because so far the only things he's really repeated out loud have been negative things people feel about THEMSELVES.

Outside of when he complimented Shadow.

But this shows he can actually recognize positive feelings people have towards others and repeat those too...

And outright stating: He "likes" Vio.

Because of his strong reaction to Zelda, we can assume that he likes people depending on how others feel about them. Because the team likes Vio: So does Dark Link.

Another petal falls while he dips into Green's problems. Who's the only other one we've seen him play around with so far outside of Vio and Shadow And not even really with Shadow...

Weirdly enough Green feels empty inside because he's diet link lmfao.

I told yall I'd give him a personality.

Harbors guilt for lazing around when everyone else was doing stuff. Ouch.

He felt the need to promise Link he'd keep shit okay but he doesn't even know if he CAN.

Blue and his ptsd.

Dark continues to hug people while utterly obliterating them as people lmao.

Blue can't express his emotions arounv Vio which is a theme we'll see as we go into the comic more.

Vio looking back at Blue tho is, a thing.

To be fair to Dark's assesment of Red: red hasn't done anything in the comic yet.

Him chucking the flower the second it's not pretty anymore and, eating the petal is just funny in a morbid way.

Creepy thing: He ate the petal that "Symbolized" Red. The sweet optimistic character. Kinda just shows Dark consumes everything around him in a pit of despair lmfao. Also it's hilarious that he ate smth that he shouldn't have.

Vaati's disgusted reaction to said petal eating is very funny and Dark's monologue about HIMSELF is very telling I feel.

He thinks he's a hero, because he's saving someone. Removed from context that Vaati is a villain and the fac to "Save" Vaati he needed to hurt the REAL hero of Hyrule...

His actions are preventative at the moment: he's making so Link can't reform and the pieces can't seal Vaati back into the sword.

Dark's actions all make sense to Dark Link. XD

Nobody is cheering him, so he just blatantly says "YAY DARK LINK!!!" Which is honestly the funniest lines Dark has said purely because it shows his childish outlook on this entire situation.

He's just the hero saving Vaati.

Dark's clearly annoyed to some degree nothing he does is bringing Vaati any amount of satisfaction.

He did what he was supposed to do. The sword is drawn. Vaati is free.

Dark even mocks Vaati's impatience and his need to control someone else to do his work for him. Hitting Vaati right where it hurts with Vaati's insecurity about being a pawn.

Instantly also going for the throat with "Master Elzo and Link would be disgusted with you"

Obviously: He's talking about Minish Cap Link NOT "our" Link.

This use of their names offends Vaati to no end.

The fight scene is fun, enough said. XD

Okay fine: Ramble thoughts.

Dark manages to mauver his way into not getting properly hit.

Dark's fascination with strangling people is not missed as he does it to Vaati here.

As he repeats things he knows will hurt Vaati's feelings.

Vaati is being unreasonable and stupid in Dark's eyes so him bringing up Vaati's insecurities to make a point is just his attempt to get Vaati to listen to him.

Despite his actions seeming to go against it: He IS on Vaati's side and IS trying to "save" Vaati.

He isn't even saying/acting out of spite, he's just kinda lowkey annoyed and exasperated at Vaati at best. XD

We hit the image count so I'll pick up later.

#fsr rambles #fsr au #loz au #four swords returns au #four swords returns #loz fsr au

[favorvn]

Yknow, I'm just going to put this out there.

I am really disgusted by a lot of these accusations hurled towards Lily without an ounce of proof. Most of these accusations simply feel like they are throwing anything at the wall to stoke the flames of social outrage in order to get people to react. It's gross, and it is tiring.

Here are a couple of my thoughts...

- Yes, what happened in the server with someone being falsely accused was really bad. It hurt people involved and destroyed trust. My heart really goes out to this person, and they have every right to feel hurt and to not forgive anyone involved in this situation. There is no excuse or explanation that can or will justify this. Bad mistakes were made, and someone was unjustly and irreparably hurt. A fact separate to this, though, is that Lily was given this false information after being harassed at that point for MONTHS, possibly even a full year. After that long of being harassed, it isn't a surpise that a mistake like this happened. As fucked as that situation was, Lily is a victim in this situation. It's strange that we don't really see this acknowledged. One person being a victim in an awful situation doesn't just negate another victim.

- Stealing code from fourms...? That has to be a joke. The really cool thing about code, and what has caused leaps and bounds in technological advancement, is that historically, code has mostly always been freely shared and a community based effort and knowledge sharing. On help forums, people share code with each other and correct each other's code. This is doubly so for Renpy, which makes it so lovely to learn! People don't really gatekeep knowledge when it comes to code, we encourage learning and skill improvement. Unless there is PROOF that code was fully ripped from a game (which even in that case, I would bet that the original person found their code from a forum as well, and the second person may have found a similar code to it because code really doesn't differ too much as it is a tool, a means to an end, not creative expression.) I really just don't believe any of those accusations at all. This goes for all accusations without direct proof.

- Regarding the criticism towards Lily's sexuality and gender identity: That isn't your or anyone else's business. It is frankly gross to try and demonize someone else's gender identity and sexual identity journey.

- I have seen multiple comments /callout posts / threads that revolve around a weird level of white knighting for Ya-Boi. Ya-Boi is an adult. They are both adults. Stop infantilizing Ya-boi and assuming that he can't voice when he is uncomfortable by something. He can, and he doesn't need anyone to speak for him. Let the business between them be private as anyone else's has a right to be. If you were actually concerned for Yaboi you would have checked in with him personally in a private message rather than just putting his personal life out there and forcing him to out his own personal life to the public 💀 like I really doubt he wanted to have to do that.

- Also, the complaint about 18+ erotic art being posted in a clearly titled 18+ EROTIC server??? I seriously laugh everytime I read that callout. If you join a server that clearly has the word 'erotic' in the title and you get mad because erotic art was posted? That's fully on you. What's next? Will you go to the p*rn hub and be mad because p*rn was shown? Get real. Stop pearl clutching and grow up. Take responsibility for your own actions and decisions of joining the clearly labeled server. The worst part to me is, I know if you voiced this complaint, anyone in the server would be kind enough to oblige and apologize to you and make sure it doesn't happen again. Because they are kind people who do care about how people around them feel. But frankly, I find this complaint fucking ridiculous. It was in the title of the damn server.

Look, at the end of the day you don't need to have a reason to dislike someone. You can just dislike someone. It's enough just to say that you don't like someone and end it at that. You don't need to try and make a callout post and rally people to also dislike someone so you can feel justified in your dislike towards them. You don't have to like everyone you come across in life, and that's totally fine. It's human even.

Please reevaluate some of these points on if they actually make sense, if they are actually fair, if you actually have proof for them. If you are this harsh on Lily, I really feel bad about how harshly you must judge yourself. To remain at some obscure morally upright standard that you are arbitrarily imposing on yourself at all times. It's okay to love your yan characters and want others to interact with them. It's okay to make mistakes, it's human to fuck up sometimes, to learn, and to grow from it.

What will happen when you make a mistake that you tried to call out another person for? Will you forgive yourself? Will you spiral in self loathing? What happens when you make a mistake that you would have called someone else out for if given the chance? Will you make an exception for yourself that you know you wouldn't have granted to another person? Will you allow yourself to grow in ways that you won't allow others to? What happens when you get a partner and they make an honest mistake? Will you call them out to the public? Trying to get others to also dislike them? Where does empathy get to start and end?

My advice is: Have some empathy for yourself and for others. Life will be much kinder to you that way.

I won't go through every point, I just wanted to say my piece on those things. This link is the post I am referring to. Ya-boi's response disects everything in more depth than I will.

#concretenotes

[nothorses]

Unsure who to ask on this but I'm a trans man who is in stem and so science stuff really interests me, and I'm especially interested in the science of being trans? For my own interest as well as to hopefully help people to stop being so transphobic by explaining it all! Hope this makes sense. I don't want any trans med nonsense, just facts and the science of why some people are trans :) or links to papers and resources

I don't really have much contact with the "hard science" aspect of this, but I do recommend checking out Leslie Feinburg's Transgender Warriors. Zie goes into a lot of the historical instances of trans identity and life, cultures surrounding and supporting transness, etc. dating back as far as zie was able to find information about.

I think there's a temptation to explain it in purely biological terms, or purely cultural terms, but the historical context I think helps connect the two in a more meaningful way. People have been trans as long as there have been people and genders to trans, and what that means, how it's expressed, and very probably why it happens has been different in different times and contexts just as much as it's been the same, or connected, in those times and contexts.

And I think looking into those things might help you/anyone you're talking to understand a little better why there's such a hesitation to put this into biological terms. Does it matter all that much if someone is trans because of some inherent biological quality, or if it's rooted more in a personal relationship to an individual's cultural context? Is that really the most helpful conversation to have? What are you hoping to accomplish that cannot be accomplished through conversations about autonomy and basic respect?

Not to say there's no worth in looking into this, either. I'm not an expert in the topic by any means. I just think it's important to be critical about the research you're doing, and the research you're looking at or sharing with others. And I think it's helpful to be intentional about how you talk about this to the audiences you have in mind.

ngl, I have had so much more success talking to my libertarian father about this in terms of autonomy and respect than any "biological" argument I ever tried. This man talks to his coworkers about this stuff now, and a lot of that was jumpstarted by the realization that if he couldn't respect my autonomy and self-knowledge, he was gonna lose his kid altogether. but 🤷‍♂️ you know your situation and reasons better than I do. just some food for thought ig!