#healing from codependency

[daughterofanarcissistwoman]

#inner child healing #reparenting #healing from abuse #self love #love yourself #love your inner child #🫶🫶🫶🫶 #healing from people pleasing #healing from narcissistic abuse #healing from codependency #healing fawn trauma response #take your energy back #take your power back #freedom #protect your peace #healing shame #healing from dysfunctional family programming

[vizthedatum]

This is something that I'm trying really hard to be mindful of... when I use labels/terms to describe other people, at the very current time I'm living in, I'm only trying to do so in the context of MY OWN healing.

So when I use accepted terminology based on the literature or professionals I subscribe to, regardless of the criticism that these people face in various communities, I'm doing so because it's helping me heal. It's helping people I know heal. It's helping people in a community heal.

If this is coming at a cost to someone's mental health, then you don't have to engage. My abuse recovery posts are specifically for people who are undergoing those types of abuse.

It's not to put down anyone else - I am not running a smear campaign. Please believe that I wish the people from the past... healing, peace, love, and fulfillment. I am angry at them and grieving all the various losses, but I do not wish them harm.

I am expressing what's happened in my life and how I feel about it. I deserve the space to do that, AS DOES EVERYONE ELSE.

I think it's ridiculous that I'm literally in therapy for the type of abuse I've gone through from my parents and several exes (something that's an established pattern for people with codependency tendencies like myself (including many autistic people like myself)), I'm working through literal "narcissistic abuse" recovery workbooks, I'm exposed to literature and sources from ALL angles of the issue, and then there are people who don't even know me or my health history claiming that I'm ableist.

I'm not taking away anyone's rights or voices.

It's extremely harmful to come after survivors and try to tell them how to make sense of their own abuse.

Let survivors actually try to find their voice again, using the tools that are available to them. Targeting survivors is not actually going to cause systemic change.

(My stance on the matter - DNI if you don't agree - you can literally block me and the tag)

#this is definitely in regards to the term “narcissistic abuse” which I will not justify my usage of any longer #dni if you do not agree #healing from narcissistic abuse #is not the same as the diagnosis #healing #healing from codependency #healing from trauma #healing from not having access to medical and mental health care in my cultural practice #neurodivergence #i acknowledge there is a divide in the community #narcissistic abuse

[usunezukoinezu]

''It took me most of my life to realize what is healthy and safe. When you are not being controlled and you are dealing with someone who respects you, this is what we should have been receiving.

Self centered others are clueless as to how they effect you and frankly they don’t care.

Don’t make the mistake I did thinking you deserve anything less...

People that love and care for you want to understand the effect you are having on them and they on you. They want to make sure you understand that they understand what you wanted them to understand is understood.''

-S.R.

#codependent #healing from codependency #narc-free #anti-manipulation

[thepeacefulgarden]

#people pleasing #self care #self compassion #mental health #self respect #fuck diet culture #you are enough #you are worthy #happiness from within #boundaries #codependency #self love #healing #recovery

[moonlit-positivity]

I wish someone had told me a long time ago, that you really can't just wish your trauma away. You can't just daydream and pretend it doesn't exist. You can't really run away forever. At some point that shit is gonna hit you like a brick wall and you are gonna run smack dab into that mf like you didn't even see it there. That's got to be one of the worst aspects to therapy and healing. It's like ripping your soul open every single week and then throwing a fucking bandaid over it only to rip that mf right off again next week. That is fucking excruciating.

#recovery #ptsd #trauma #mental health #boundaries #healing #healing thoughts #child abuse #child abuse recovery #recovering from abuse #toxic parenting #abusive parents #childhood trauma #therapy #trauma therapy #shadow work #inner child healing #attachment theory #attachment #codependency

[domosapien]

Daily Chore Hacks for Mentally Ill Girlies

Breaking down essential daily tasks into smaller, more manageable steps can be particularly helpful for those of you who are overwhelmed or struggling with mental health issues like depression:

1. Personal Hygiene

Showering: Instead of a full shower, use baby wipes for a quick cleanse or just wash the face and underarms with a washcloth. At the very minimum, try to clean your PTA: pits, tits, and ass. (If you have a large chest ykwim.)

Teeth Brushing: Start with mouthwash or chewing sugar-free gum if brushing feels too demanding. Rub your teeth with a damp washcloth. Gradually work up to brushing when you feel capable.

Hair Care: Use dry shampoo instead of washing hair, or simply combing hair can be a start. Throw it up into a bun if you have long hair so it doesn’t bother you. Avoid hats as they’ll make your hair get dirtier faster. Alternatively, shave your head or cut it very short! Less work.

2. Eating

Cooking Meals: Start with simple tasks like making a sandwich or a smoothie, or even eating pre-packaged snacks. Buy nutrition shakes like pediasure or soylent and take your vitamins. Drinking your meals is so much easier when you’re depressed and tired. At the very least, try to get enough protein.

Grocery Shopping: Create a small list of essential items, or order groceries online for delivery to avoid the stress of going out.

3. Cleaning

Tidying Up: Focus on one small area at a time, like clearing a desk or making the bed.

Dishes: Wash a few dishes at a time instead of the entire load. Alternatively, use disposable plates and cutlery to reduce the load.

4. Exercise

Physical Activity: Begin with stretching or a short walk when you feel like it. Listen to uplifting music while you do so. Gradually increase duration and intensity as comfort grows.

5. Work/School Tasks

Homework/Assignments: Break down tasks into smaller parts. For instance, start by reading one page or writing one paragraph. Use the Pomodoro Technique: 25 minutes working followed by a 5 minute break. Change the times if you feel you need to. No one’s stopping you from working for 10 minutes and taking a 20 minute break.

Emails or Administrative Tasks: Set a timer for a short period and only focus on this task during that time. The Pomodoro technique also works here.

6. Social Interactions

Keeping in Touch: Send a text message or make a brief phone call instead of feeling pressured to engage in long conversations or meetups. Make a discord server or group chat for your friends to keep in touch so you only have to send one message at a time. Avoid other social media.

7. Mental Health Care

Mindfulness or Relaxation: Cannot recommend this enough. Begin with a few minutes of deep breathing or listening to calming music. No screen time; just you and the music. Gradually try longer sessions of meditation or relaxation exercises as you need to.

8. Sleep

Bedtime Routine: Start with dimming lights and avoiding screens an hour before bed. Use a lamp instead of the ceiling light. Focus on one relaxing activity, like reading a few pages of a book or spending time cuddling with a pet. Put on some fluffy socks, some cozy jammies, make a hot and sweet beverage for yourself, etc. Make going to bed pleasant and relaxing for yourself.

If you battle insomnia, try herbal remedies like melatonin or CBD to help counter it. Avoid caffeine after noon. Go to bed an hour early so you have more time to unwind privately.

The key to managing your mental health and essential daily tasks is to make the tasks smaller! Take everything day by day. Don’t worry about the future; focus on the now and how you can make your own life easier and more pleasant right now. It’s the least you can do for yourself.

#mental health #depression #actually depressed #anxiety #adhd #actually adhd #coping #recovery #recovering from depression #recovering codependent #coping skills #coping strategies #life hacks #actually mentally ill #mentally disordered #self care #self help #self improvement #self love #self healing

[healingchildhoodtrauma]

#healthy expression of anger #emotional intelligence #healing from abuse #healing people pleasing #healing codependency #healing fawn trauma response

[dykedragons]

luv my friends

#ramblies #knock on wood but were almost past the 1.5 year maximum of me keeping an in person best friendship #with TWO whole people no less #we did it boys. i healed. id like to think high school me would be proud + happy that i was never doomed from the start #more often than not i actually trust them when they say they miss me and its easy to trust them with that #i feel valued #its nice. i hope im privileged enough to have it for a long time yet #and im so glad i dont have all my eggs in one basket so to speak lmfao it never quite worked out before #kicking my codependent habits :)

[somebodylovesyougcv]

last year today i broke up w my ex and truly had no idea what i was going to do. my whole life crumbled before me unexpectedly and i was so confused and felt like id be empty for as long as i continued to live. now its today. a year later. im at a new school, just accepted to a grad program (after which ill go for a second grad degree). i have new friends who love me better than she did. i have friends ive always had who helped build me back together. i have a better relationship with my family and my body and FOOD. FOOD!!!! who would have thought. 2 years ago i was hungry and sick and sad. 1 year ago i was hungry and grieving and sad. today i am stressed about finals and thats it. thank god. who would have thought

#olivia’s corner #might delete this tomorrow but like #i literally healed from a codependency i never thought would end #found peace without someone else #like damn bro. #i think ill reward myself by going on ao3 until i fall asleep #love u all

[prodigal-upsiders]

she said i think i’m going to boston

or: Nancy, and Eddie, and new starts

Nancy Wheeler starts at Emerson College in the fall of 1986, and she is being so normal all the time. With Vecna actually dead, with the Upside Down actually finished this time, she tells herself that it’s finally time for her to move forward, no longer let it all tie her down. She tries so hard, but she’s always adrift, surrounded by her peers who just don’t get her even though they’re in the same classes, fired up about similar things, she’s just... not connecting with anyone the way she hoped. But she keeps trying to push herself forward into her life as she used to envision it, still stays every night in her dorm room even though she wakes up every hour with her entire body tensed, her muscles aching from clenching so tight so she doesn’t wake her roommate, and she’s exhausted, unable to get back to sleep because she can’t keep her guns under her bed here, so she sits with her back to the wall and watches the sunrise creep through the window, and she puts her makeup on and pretends, pretends, pretends until she can step off the campus and find the two people in this state who understand what she’s been through.

To her surprise, it’s Wayne Munson—who wouldn’t stay in Hawkins after what they did to his kid, who took his payout for his silence and the loss of his home and now has a small place outside the city, a little under an hour away because he wasn’t going to smother but he also wasn’t letting Eddie out of his sight for a while yet—who tells her what she needs to hear. Tells her that she can’t force feeling safe, or at least safe enough, but she can find it and she can sit herself down there, whatever that looks like, for as long as she needs to, and anybody who thinks less of her for that is never going to understand where she’s coming from, anyway. And she’s not even really surprised when she finds herself leaning on Eddie more after that—in Hawkins, in the hospital and during his recovery, he needed her and everyone else a lot, and he's not shy about it, and having him be vulnerable first lets her let her own guard down. And his apartment over the music shop is louder than her dorm room, removed from all her studies and fellow students, but it’s also a place where she can reach out and touch a weapon if she needs to, just to tell herself it’s there; and it’s where she can reach out and grab onto Eddie, too, and it’s not until she lets herself have that that she realizes how much she needed to be able to know he’s safe. She can go back to sleep, there. The rest of her family might still be in Hawkins, not always available to call and pretty far away to visit, but she can ground herself with knowing that Eddie’s safe, and that makes it easier to remember that the rest of them are, too.

And she finally starts relaxing and accepting that she can lean on people too, and Eddie is someone she can just be a weird trauma survivor around, just as much as she can relax and be a young adult and geek out about her interests around him too. They’re both huge nerds, and some of their interests overlap, and when they don’t it’s exciting and fun to pace around while she explains her thing, or watch Eddie as he jumps around and gesticulates wildly while he tells her about his.

On New Year's Day, 1987, Nancy pierces Eddie’s ears in their bathroom and in return he dyes her hair pink and helps her make a battle jacket. She fills it with not just music patches but also finds political and literary pins—defiantly adds pop patches, but keeps a Corroded Coffin pin that Robin made despite them no longer playing together, and a few metal pins that Eddie is very proud of. (She never gets really into any one particular artist, but Eddie makes her mixtapes of the songs she really likes, the ones with lyrics that make them fables and ghost stories swept up in sound.) It’s not about the scene, for her, but there is a lot of comfort and confidence she finds in donning the armor. She had a different kind of armor in Hawkins, but she wants something new now, something that marks her out as different from who she was. The sturdy denim weight across her shoulders and the bright shocks of pink in the corner of her eye feels like defense and offense both, as she adds protest pins to her collection and wears them out along with her pastel skirts and cute low-heeled boots. She’s a far cry from the hometown girl she used to be, but she’s also still the woman who grew from those roots, changed as she was by the darkness underneath. It’s 1987 and Nancy Wheeler goes to college, and she goes home to a loud little apartment on a busy street, and she feels safe enough to walk forward.

#Nancy Wheeler #Eddie Munson #the upsiders au #platonic edancy #nancy wheeler's journey from high school priss to drummer in a quasi-metal band #is just the surface of her journey through so much fucking trauma #on top of her growing up and leaving her hometown and discovering herself in her 20s #there is a lot more surrounding nancy and music and the start of her upsiders career #but this was getting long lol #and they're important stages on their own too #anyway #little weirdo friends nancy&eddie mean the world to me #so cheers to 1987 the year they make bad decisions together and do some healing #stranger things #stranger things au #fruity four #well just two of them in this post but robin and steve are being codependent in hawkins #while nancy and eddie are being codependent in boston #for now

[bluesadansey]

remembering on my circa 2017 booklr I used to tell people to read Gemma Doyle by describing it as trc but with an all girls boarding school / all girl group in a historical setting… I was trying to do the lord’s work she deserved tumblr fame

#I do think that was an oversimplification of both but. Not totally off base there are some similar char tropes used I’m proud of past me for #the attempt. Also I think I’m going to start advocating for Diviners in that way now that trc fandom is apparently quite miserable post GW #you like gay people doing dream magic? you like witchcraft and ghosts and strong ensemble casts? #you like an ambitious abuse survivor getting a healing arc with learning to control magic/psychic abilities as a metaphor? you like four #book series where the first three books rock and the last book which is named king + corvid is a bit underwhelm who said that? #a positive point in diviners favor is Ling x Wei Mei >>>> RonanKavinsky. Generally find the take on dream magic in diviners more compelling #(although LingHenry + RonanHennessy both being mlm wlw duos who are the dreamers is kinda fun) #anyway. This is not actually a fair comparison because Ling is my fav or at least top two w Theta of the leads and I love Ronan but he is m #least favorite of the trc leads of which there are four all of whom I love so it says nothing bad about him. But it does put me as an #outlier re: fandom priorities.. #on the flip side while I love diviners dynamics sadly I don’t think they ever come anywhere close to Gangsey levels of extreme codependency #so I can not care quite as much…. #from what I remember the girls in Gemma Doyle are a lot more codependent good for them. Would have to reread to compare codependency levels #Ling and Theta are both my favorite in diviners in the same way Blue and Adam are my favorite in trc and Abed and Annie are both my fav for #community. basically one char who I love and overidentify with (Ling/Blue/Abed) and one char I love who in many ways I’m not like #but in a handful of very niche specific ways I also relate quite a bit. And am fascinated with (Theta/Adam/Annie) #s speaks #very off topic from my initial point which was you should read Libba Bray’s books #and in both cases I have a second and a half tier fav (Evie/Gansey/Britta) who I love fictionally but if I was trapped in a room w them I’d #kill myself. with the white blonde women I’d also want to make out w them debatable if that makes it better or worse #but like. I could not stand listening to them speak for that long I know this #Gansey might just die a third time by my hands…

[daughterofanarcissistwoman]

Showing up for others at the expense of yourself will lead to resentment

#respect #inner child healing #reparenting #narcissistic abuse #boundaries #self love #self care #self respect #self worth #fawn trauma response #people pleasing #healing from codependency #toxic relationship dynamics #unhealthy relationship dynamics #dysfunctional family programming

[vizthedatum]

It may be obvious but I’m also internalizing that a lot of the past relationships I’ve ruminated about ended for the very valid reason of it all putting me in high emotional distress and nervous system dysregulation.

It’s helping me move on, realizing this.

I was constantly thinking about an ex-lover where I didn’t even feel that respected REGARDLESS OF THE LOVE… well I’m not even looking for that now.

I am actively looking for connections, even if casual, where there is a sense of open communication and vulnerability.

It’s really hard to put into practice. My nervous system doesn’t know if safety feels like safety most of the time.

I am finding connections like that. They don’t feel like an emotional rollercoaster. I don’t have high intense emotions.

My love is intense but it’s from me, not the chaos of the situation.

I’m going to get better at being in relationships of all kinds.

#audhd #healing #neurodivergence #trauma #love #queer #self love #prose #healing from codependency

[antisocialxconstruct]

.

#rrrrrrhghgdhdfghdh #(<- fighting the compulsion to do a deep lyrical analysis of Dead Poet Society's new album less than 24 hours after it dropped) #they're really like 'hey we heard you're coming up on 1 year since moving away from your toxic ex #here's an album about processing the lasting effects of a toxic and codependent relationship #and accepting that you can want the other person to heal without ever wanting them to touch any part of your life again :) ' #like okay!!!! thanks!!!!!!! fuck

[clownpassing]

i wish i had a more normal social upbringing because making new friends and exploring fwb situations is like what do you mean you have a life outside of me? what do you mean i am not your #1 priority? what do you mean we aren't hopelessly codependent on each other?

#txt #op #like i recognize it as my codependency which i am still very much working through so i try to handle it as maturely as i can #but sometimes i can't help myself because i take flaking so personally and it really hurts when i am always the one to make plans first #because i want new healthy relationships so bad #i just get so excited when someone wants to be my friend or a little bit more i want to hang out and do things and whatever #ugh idk thinking about this is making me sad #anyway fuck rio and fuck ellis and i cant believe i still have to heal from shit from those stupid assholes

[moonlit-positivity]

There is such a cold, raw anger that can come from being abused as a kid and then leaving that shit behind one day to inevitably learn that the entire reason you're supposed to be alive is to do exactly the opposite of how they brainwashed you to be as a child. What the fuck you mean I have thoughts and feelings??? And now I gotta talk about them??? Were you not there when they smacked my lips as a kid and told me to shut the fuck up anytime I opened my mouth to speak??? Were you not there when I had to hide myself away time and time again because I said and did something that went against the Standard Child NPC dialogue and that made them mad at me for basically existing out of the realm they expected of me and they beat my ass for that????? Like, what the fuck do you mean the solution to all my problems is to talk about it???? Out loud???? Where other people can hear me???? Like fuck, that shit is like ripping your skin off inch by inch. And I dont know what's worse, the fact that it's not gonna move unless you acknowledge and talk about it, or the fact that everyone else in society already knows how to do shit like that and is leagues ahead of you, because theyre off expecting you to be a "normal functioning adult" by this time in your life and well well well would you know it?? No, I'm actually NOT functioning, I'm actually anything BUT FUNCTIONAL!!! I'm still stuck in my childhood when my mother would beat my ass just for breathing the wrong way!! How TF are we expected to know and understand that without experiencing the gut wrenching pain and reality that we were fucking abused as children??? Other kids were off playing and laughing and having a blast, meanwhile we were getting beat and yelled at on a daily basis and told to shut up and stop crying about it. How TF do you talk about that???

#recovery #ptsd #trauma #mental health #healing #boundaries #bpd #child abuse #trauma informed #trauma aware #abusive parents #abusive parenting #recovering from abuse #emotional immaturity #codependency #enmeshment #neglect #abuse