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emmitaaa4 · 2 months

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Azriel, you beautiful, complex man.

Anyone else ever lay awake at night thinking that it’s not that Azriel wants a mate, any mate: it’s that he believes only a mate—only someone who was meant to love him—could love him ?

Do you ever think about the fact that Azriel’s visceral response to Elain looking up at him with trust & hope, was to believe that there was no possible way she could ever look at him that way if she knew the things he’d done and been forced to do? If she knew that his scarred hands mirrored his marred soul? Yet we know Elain has never balked from him and has only ever seen beauty in his scars; in who he is.

Do you ever think about the way Azriel feels this need to prove himself useful—which is why he so clings to his titles and his job—for if he is needed, he cannot be abandoned?

Do you ever want to shout from the rooftops that Azriel is so much more than this « darkness » he cloaks himself in, and that he doesnt need someone to heal him & « handle his darkness ». Healing, for Az, does not mean fighting & ‘killing’ his demons, it means being at peace with himself & learning to live with them without needing to mask who he is. He needs to begin to believe that there is darkness and light in him to love.

Does your heart ever squeeze when you understand that allowing yourself to be loved, first means bearing yourself to another & willingly risking being hurt ? It requires an unparalleled level of emotional vulnerability from him. You ever realize that Az uses his shadows as an emotional crutch, that he so carefully masks his expressions, yet it takes but a look for Elain to read him? He, who finds his strength & perseverance in hope, found his match in her gentle, hopeful heart—and he physically has to keep himself apart from her, only allowing himself to act upon his feelings when she made the first move. Entitlement where?

Truly, how has the fandom decided that Azriel, who follows the sound of Elain’s laugh, who listened to her when no one else would & didnt let her be misunderstood, who trusted her with TT so she could protect herself & those she loves, who stayed up past 3am as she spoke of her passions, who made everyone wait for her to eat, who chooses to sun his wings next to her in peaceful, quiet company… is an entitled, flaky male that sees her as nothing but a sexual distraction?

Do people really not realize what it means for him to question the Cauldron, question the very core of his beliefs?

1) It is not his feelings he questions:

His mind is tortured by thoughts of Elain, so much so he can’t sleep;

They do not need words to communicate, indicating familiarity & understanding;

He IS showing more than “just lust”, it’s clear from their interactions since the first trilogy. There was something there before Nessian happened.

2) Not only does he believe himself unworthy of her, but that sentiment is reinforced by the fact that the Cauldron “broke the pattern”. I do not see the entitled man the fandom speaks of. What he is is a deeply traumatized man, who was abused as a boy by the people who were meant to love him & protect him.

The popular thought that Az would fold for a mate, regardless of who she (or he) is, is truthfully not attractive, not to mention that it implies he’d only risk love for a “guaranteed” happy ending.

=> “Az wants a mate therefore give him a mate” is counterproductive to his growth (tho to clarify, i am not saying he should not have a mate, just that there is a way the story should be told.)

We have seen him plan for snowball fights & tactical missions, yet never for his future: not with Elain—again, he never even actually allowed himself to consider pursuing her—but not in any other sense either:

Children? he tells Cass he doesnt know if he wants any—has he ever let himself imagine having a child? A house ? he has no place to himself. Remember that even after 500 years of existence, Az says he still does not know where he belongs?

Could you not imagine two people who make themselves what others need them to be, being brave enough to bare those hidden, repressed parts of themselves to the other. Can you not see the growth it would require from both of them should they give themselves a chance? To, on one hand, choose the other despite what is expected & the problems it would cause, and on the other, be vulnerable enough to receive that love & believe yourself worthy of it.

Love doesnt care for convenience. It could all go to hell but at least they’d know they had tried, and i do not see how that could ever make for a boring, 2 dimensional story.

#azriel #azriel shadowsinger #pro azriel #elain archeron #i love him and her and them #elriel #pro elain #azriel bonus chapter #acosf bonus chapter #acosf #acotar #azriel acotar

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stargirlie25 · 2 months

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Let me try to be open minded and i want all of you to try to.

So the Ember and Randall bonus chapter...

Rhysand was right. I SAID IT. He had all rights to be UPSET with Nesta. Although the way he handled it was like a fucking baby.

There was nothing to do AT THAT point to reverse Nestas actions yet he thinks screaming and making her feel small would be a good idea? The way he handled it did not seem like a calm ´´bigger person´´ high lord feyre seems to tell us. Sounded like a old 500 year old asshole bat bitch. (More accurate description for yall)

I need yall Rhysand stans to chill. I have never seen the Nesta stans directly say ´´Nesta was in the right´´ no they including me actually fucking feel for her when no one is beside her. Her actions are not the smartest but are understandable.

The nesta stans are simply saying Rhysand was being a complete asshole (he was) and Nesta deserved better than that bullshit.

Is it that hard for a High lord to keep his cool and explain it to Nesta rather than make her feel bad?

As for Cassian....Listen i know tons of people hate Nessian and at first i was not there biggest fan but i learned to love then.

Nesta wanted to end it all. She hated herself and her mind. All because of cassian she found a reason to wake up everyday, she started to love herself and learn to be kinder to the people around her.

She started to acknowledge her trauma instead of run from it. BECAUSE OF CASSIAN.

He said he would be there every step of the way....i don´t think he lied

´´The others nodded, and Nesta dared a look at Cassian, who gave her a soft smile. Like in saying the few words she'd managed to get out, she'd somehow done something... worthy.´´

That is how he makes her feel. Worthy.

“Leave them in the past. Apologize to who you feel the need to, but leave those things behind.”

Once he saw her true self, he never judged her for her cruelty for to some people he told her that if SHE FEELS that she needs to, she can apologize and leave it behind.

“You don’t need to become some impossible ideal. You don’t need to become sweet and simpering. You can give everyone that I Will Slay My Enemies look—which is my favorite look, by the way. You can keep that sharpness I like so much, that boldness and fearlessness. I don’t want you to ever lose those things, to cage yourself.”

“But I still don’t know how to fix myself.”

“There’s nothing broken to be fixed,” he said fiercely. “You are helping yourself. Healing the parts of you that hurt too much—and perhaps hurt others, too.”

Nesta thought she was broken and here is cassian letting her know that she is hurt not broken.

So when we come back to the bonus chapter lets all calm down and think.

Cassian was nor defending Nesta or siding with Rhysand. What Nesta did was super dangerous and in different circumstances could have caused the downfall of many people.

The look in his eyes was TORN. Because he knew Rhysand was right to be upset and Nesta made a mistake.

There are multiple direct quotes were cassian defends Nesta from Rhysand,Amren,Azriel and more times.

He once said he hated Rhysand for the way he viewed Nesta. HATED.

And no he did not lie that he would be with Nesta every step of the way. We see them eating chocolate cake together in the same book.

No matter there differences, they love each other and are mates. They are ´´it´´ for both her and him. Its honestly what makes this couple so human and realistic. After all, SJM did say nessian was most like her and josh´s relationship.

Anyways if you are a Nesta stan you should realise how much Cassian means to her. How much she means to him.

He was considering going to get Nesta from the blood rite which would break the rules that has been set and he very well knows. He only did not because Nesta would kill him for taking that away from her. But he was going to even if it meant he would die and probably be running to protect his life.

Nesta at the end of acosf when she thought cassian died, screamed and unleashed her powers so much so that it rattled the books in helions library.

How can you be a Nesta stan and wishing something awful happens to Cassian while you are fully aware how much damage that would cause her.

I know you think she could just magically end up with Eris because Eris understands her. I can not say much on that because we have limited pov about that topic BUT Nesta sure as hell does not like him.

She considered ripping out his throat for making Cassian feel upset.

Reason for agreeing to marry him was ´´he is just like me´´'and she viewed herself like a fucking waste of space (before cass)

Instead of bashing Nessian, can we please just be proud of how far Nesta has come? How much she has healed and how much she learnt? That she is happy? Sure its not the end of the journey. Sure she still isnt fully healed and some think she has made no difference since post acosf and after.

Wrong. She surrounded herself with people and friends who will be there for her during difficult times (Cassian,Azriel,Gwyn,Emerie) Thats the difference. She no longer has to suffer alone and hide when the darkness appears again. Rather she has people to be the light and guide her and take a new step.

#acotar #pro nesta archeron #nessian #cassian #pro nessian #nesta x cassian #elucien #gwynriel #elain #emerie #mor #rhysand #feyre #feysand #azriel #gwyn #lucien #ember #randall #ember and randall

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fieldofdaisiies · 1 year

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Ultima Ex Nobis | ch. VI

Nessian AU word count: ~2,4k words warnings: mentions of bad mental health summary: Six years into a global pandemic which was caused by a mass fungal infection that turns hosts into zombie-like creatures and makes the whole of Prythian collapse, the former army general Cassian Cadell is tasked with one very special mission – escorting Nesta Archeron, one of the few immune survivors, across a post-apocalyptic Prythian to a group of people of the name L. Their identity is unknown but they can make an antidote.

masterlist

Azriel hands Nesta another pair of shoes and she slips into them, shaking her head. She peels them off and Azriel hands her the now sixth pair and who would believe it? They fit!

“Yes, they work,” Nesta finally says, wiggling her feet up and down, smiling sheepishly. Azriel chuckles lowly at that, crunching his nose when he looks at her. He says nothing though and suddenly a soft but cool wind tingles Nesta’s exposed arms and she glimpses over her shoulder at Cassian who stands in the opening to the tent. “Found shoes?”

Nesta lifts her feet a little further, showing them to Cass. “I did,” she says, a rather happy tone in her voice.

“Good, because those old and worn-out converse would give your only more blisters.”

Nesta actually wants to protest, she has loved those shoes so much, but she sees his point and has to give him that. Her feet have already been covered in terrible blisters only from one week of walking. They mostly have healed in the three days they have stayed at the basecamp and Cassian has fully regained his strength.

He once again stands the tall, powerful army general, his strong arms keeping the curtains of the tent open, his large presence filling the whole inside. It smells like summer, dried soil and grass, when another breeze of wind blows through the tent. For a moment Nesta allows herself to close her eyes and draw in a deep inhale. Being outside feels so good, even though they are on a deadly mission, it is the freedom that brings her comfort.

“I am getting the truck, be ready in five.” Azriel says as he salutes to Cass, dips his chin at Nesta and brushes past his brother to leave the tent.

“You two get along?” Cassian asks, his voice softer than usual, his eyes trained on Nesta. He smiles a little when he regards her, his eyes glowing. Nesta lifts a lazy shoulder and lets it slump down again. “I guess. He does not hate me, I believe.”

Cassian furrows his brows. “No one hates you, Nes!”

Nesta slowly stands up and walks up to Cassian, giving him a pointed look.

“I don’t hate you. As much as you want to believe it or tell yourself that I do, I don’t hate you. I am far from hating you, Nes.”

“Nesta.”

“Nah-nah,” Cassian chuckles and lets the curtains of the tent fall close behind him. “Just when I thought you finally started liking the nickname.”

It is one of the few times that a small, barely-there smile, appears on Nesta’s lips and she gives her head a little shake. “Nope, not going to happen.”

“Well, me stopping to call you my absolute favourite nickname of yours is also not going to happen.” He grins then, eyes glowing brightly, almost gleeful amusement etched into his features. Nesta resists the urge to flip him off and balls her hands into fists at her side, and instead rolls her eyes.

“Well?”

Cassian shows no sign of wanting to move which makes Nesta stop in her tracks otherwise she would bump into him. “Are we going to leave?”

The former army general lifts his hand to glance at his non-existent watch and shakes his head. “I believe we still have around four minutes, so I’ll quickly show you how to hold a gun. You will be using one from now on. The knife is good, but a gun is still better, I want you to know how to use one.”

At that Nesta has to swallow thickly, but slowly inclines her head in acceptance. Cassian pulls out a small pistole from the strap around his waist. It is black and somehow shimmery — Nesta likes it. At least likes it better than those big guns, the rifles she has seen a lot lately.

Cassian is careful when he places it in her hand, his hand closing over hers for a moment. His palm is callused, but warm, his hand so big around hers.

“It is not loaded yet, don’t be afraid, okay?”

“Okay,” Nesta whispers, glimpsing upwards to catch Cassian already looking at her. He smiles a little when he slowly moves his hand back and lets Nesta hold the gun on her own.

“Like that?” she asks and holds the pistole tightly in her hand, her index finger moving to the trigger. Cassian steps behind her, his hands placed on her shoulders when he looks past her head.

“Yes, like that.” For a moment the young woman wonders how a man of such height and power can speak so softly.

Cassian, careful as he is, slowly lets his hand glide down Nesta’s arm, moving it over her hand to position hers in the right way. A shiver courses through her body, goosebumps appearing on her skin. He knows exactly what he is doing and damn him for that!

Cassian chuckles lowly, her reaction to him touching her not going unnoticed by him. “You focus on your target, aim and…” “Pull,” Nesta finishes for him, tilting her head slightly so Cassian’s head can perfectly rest on her shoulder. “Exactly, Nes.” His voice brushes her neck like a feather, his touch leaving tingles in its wake.

Her finger still on the trigger, her knuckles white from how tightly she holds onto the pistole, Nesta allows herself to lean back a little, perfectly fitting his chest. He is warm and solid behind her and—

“I said five minutes, not five days.” His brow is raised, his tone flat, when Azriel holds the curtains of the tent open. Nesta promptly moves out of Cassian’s embrace, shoving him away lightly, which leaves both her back and his chest cold. Cassian clamps down on the rising frustration, the disappointment and forces a smile to his lips. “Just needed to show Nes how to handle a gun. We are good to go now. Don’t take your job as our chaperone too seriously.”

Azriel only inclines his head, stepping outside but holding the curtain open for both of them. Nesta and Cassian follow, both silent as they walk next to each other. One can practically cut the tension with a knife and Cassian knows that Azriel somehow regrets having offered to join them. He would not be stuck in car with them for days. For weeks or maybe even months.

The road outside, although leading into another direction, is once again bumpy and brittle, making them bounce and shake a little in the truck. Azriel is a fast driver and for a moment Nesta wonders if that is really safe on such a road but she has trust in him. This time she is sitting on the outside, her head leaning against the window, her gaze trained on the road ahead. They are nearing a large forest, a large mountain range towering behind it. Nesta lowers her gaze to the grass beside the road. There are fat mushrooms next to the road and Nesta shivers — they remind her of the fungus and all of a sudden memories, memories she has had locked behind iron gates in her brain, flash in her mind.

“You think she is out there somewhere?” Elain asks in a nervous voice. She only wears her sandals, tiptoeing after Nesta. “Yes, Elain. She took her bow and arrows with her. Where else would she go than the forest?” Nesta rolls her eyes. “You don’t have to come along, if you shit your pants, Elain.”

Nesta forces herself to snap back to reality, trying to distract herself and calm her racing heart. She clamps down on the pain rising to the surface and swallows around the lump in her throat. Tears burn behind her eyes, the back of her throat aching, but she pinches her thumb, hoping those natural bodily reactions would fade. And they do. The thumb pinching always works, Nes thinks.

Turning her head slightly, she tries to follow the conversation of Azriel and Cassian.

“And then we have to find—“

“Eris.”

For a moment Azriel’s head snaps to the side and he glowers, but quickly looks back to the road and shakes his head. “No.”

“I—“

“Is he your boyfriend?” Nesta asks before she can stop herself. She hates being so straightforward, but she needs something to fully distract herself and why not talk about the love life of her companions? Or companion? Does Cassian also have someone? The thought somehow makes her sad, but she doesn’t know why. It is just there, this tiny little feeling inside her heart.

“He is not.” “It is a little complicated,” Cassian adds and brings his hand up to clasp Azriel’s shoulder tightly. “But before you ask why, he does not like talking about it. So better no more questions.”

Nesta bows her head in acknowledgment. She wants to apologise, but does not, just looks back at the road. It is then that silence settles over them and Cassian doesn’t really like silence, not when it is uncomfortable. He reaches for the radio and turns it on. He likes the song and smiles when he leans back, lowly humming along with it while tapping his fingers against his thighs. (sleeping on the backtop - colter wall)

They drive for hours, Azriel says that he has brought one canister of extra tank so they can drive for a few days without having to find a working gas station (some still have a lot of petrol from before the pandemic as hardly anyone is driving anymore or out there).

The sun begins to lower on the horizon when they have nearly reached the forest and Azriel pulls over. “Break?”

“Yes.” Cassian and Nesta say in unison.

Nesta is more than thankful, has she been squeezing her thighs for the last hour as she is in desperate need of relieving herself — behind a tree or bush, she does not care. Only that it needs to happen soon. As soon as she is out of the truck she makes a beeline for the thicket. “Don’t look!” she shouts back at the two men who only shortly look after her in amusement.

“You like her,” Azriel points out and grabs a bottle from the back of the trunk. It is a statement, not a question.

Cassian shrugs. “Would it be bad?” To that Azriel shakes his head and then smiles a little. “It is actually good. You finally need to move on and—“ “I know.” Cassian looks up at the sky, smiling to himself when the sun’s last strays fall onto his face. It wouldn’t be bad to like her? Or would it?

As the inside of the car has been boiling hot, the reason for all doors being open now, Nesta asks if she can wash herself a little in the tiny stream close to where they have parked. They both agree and join her at the stream where Azriel washes his face and Cassian does some stretching for his legs.

“Nes, come here.” Nesta lowers her chin, slowly blinking open her eyes. She has sat in the late afternoon sunlight, letting the last strays warm her skin. The sun somehow has always remined her of her little sister, Elain. Elain was always a ray of sunshine in her life, the ray that has been missing during her time were she was held captive. That is missing now.

Nesta arches a brow at Cassian, a silent question. “I want to show you some self-defense techniques. Something you can protect yourself with when push comes shove, you know?”

He has a point, Nesta thinks, and slowly dips her chin. She gets up, walking up to both Cassian and Azriel, the latter looking as excited as Nesta feels — not at all.

She stops in front of Cassian, glancing up at him, challenge glowing in her yes. “And now I should punch you?”

Cassian laughs lowly, the corners of his mouth tipping up. ”You would like that, huh?” Nesta purses her lips, mischief suddenly etched into her features. And Cassian, God, does he like that.

“Not me, I am just the teacher here. Turn your back to me.” She follows without protest and Cassian is a little surprised, having expected at least some little remark.

“I am going to touch you a little, Nes. Is that fine?” “Yes.” Her answers is quick like a shot, sharp and tight.

“You need to widen your stance a little, Nes, focus on your core.”

“On my core?” Nesta’s brows quirk up and she throws Cassian a look over her shoulder. He brightly grins at her and says, “Little dirty mind, huh? Yes, your core so you won’t lose balance and are steady when you have to fight.”

Colour fills Nesta’s cheeks, she sucks in a sharp breath while whipping her head back and staring straight ahead. Cassian chuckles lowly behind her, his presence suddenly wrapping around her like cloak. He is closer now, his hands on her upper arms. With his knee he nudges her legs apart a little, the movement making her breathing quicken.

“Widen your stance a little more, Nes.” Cassian’s breath dances over her neck like a cat’s tail, his fingers curling tighter around her arms. Nesta does as told, her eyes falling to Azriel who watches them in silent amusement.

“And now?” Nesta quickly asks, her voice raspier than she has expected it to be.

“Now position your hands like this.” He brings her arms and hands in the right position, letting go off her.

“And now imagine Az attacking you. How would you fight him off?”

"I would kick him in the balls!" Nesta says with almost gleeful determination, cruel delight sparkling in her eyes. Cassian huffs a laugh while Azriel’s hands on their own accord fold over his crotch. "Of course you would.” Cassian’s laugh makes goosebumps appear on Nesta's skin and she shudders a little, irritation about its affect coating her insides.

“Unfortunately most of those fungus fuckers won’t be affected by it,” Cassian explains. “You have to plant your foot against their chest, shoving them back. It will buy you time. Then you get out your gun or knife and either shoot or push the knife through their brain.”

Cassian does some more explaining while Azriel has to serve as her training tool, he flexes his muscles, letting Nesta kick his chest and point her unloaded gun at him while Cassian gives orders.

It is getting a little dark by the time they decide to return to the truck and—

“What was that?” Cassian can barely dodge the moldy fist that comes flying at him. Nesta is not quick enough.

~~~~~~~~

tags: @helhjertet @moonlightazriel @aayo-whatt@crushedcloudsx @brekkershadowsinger @girasoli-e-sorrisi @ignite-me @swifti-ed @cassiansbigwingspan @burningsnowleopard @headcanonheadcase @banasheefan56 @a-frog-with-a-laptop

#nessian #nessian fanfic #nesta x cassian #nesta archeron #cassian acotar #acotar #acosf

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clockworkbee · 2 years

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“But I still don’t know how to fix myself.”

“There’s nothing broken to be fixed,” he said fiercely. “You are helping yourself. Healing the parts of you that hurt too much—and perhaps hurt others, too.”

—Sarah J. Maas, from A Court of Silver Flames

#quotes i love from books i dont recommend #acosf #acosf quotes #nessian #sjm books #fix yourself #healing

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alltheworldsinmyhead · 3 years

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to everyone dissatisfied with canon nessian in ACOSF,

to everyone not happy with cassian in ACOSF,

to everyone who felt nesta’s healing arc in ACOSF was lacking,

to everyone who wished to see Illyrian Rebellion and nessian living together in Illyria,

to everyone who wanted nesta to discover and understand her powers,

to everyone who hated feysand pregnancy plot,

to ALL WHO WANTED TO SEE GENUINE SLOW-BURN ROMANCE BETWEEN NESSIAN, GENUINE RELATIONSHIP DEVELOPMENT BETWEEN FEYRE AND NESTA, WHO WANTED TO SEE ILLYRIAN CULTURE AND ILLYRIAN WITCHES-

please, I cannot stress this enough - P L E A S E go, do yourself a favour and read Embers & Light by @duskandstarlight. It is everything we though ACOSF would be and so much better; and it deserves so much love and attention especially now. this fic absolutely patched up the hole ACOSF left in me and resonated with me on a level I never knew was even possible. please. go and read it, and prepare to be swept of your feet cause this fic will absolutely wreck you in the best way.

#i could gush about this fic all day and all night and i would not be enough #acosf #acosf spoiles #nessian #nesta archeron #cassian #acotar #nessian fanfiction #nessian fanfiction recs #embers & light

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wisteriabookss · 3 years

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My ACOSF Review (2/5 Stars)

Please respect my opinions. Not everything I say will be praiseful or nice. While I liked a lot of this book, a lot of it frustrated and bothered me.

This review contains spoilers. Read at your own risk.

This review will be more of an overall impression, and I will get more in depth about certain characters in future posts.

I eventually got into the plot of the book, but I don’t think it was as great or creative as it could’ve been. I feel like SJM recycled ideas she’s already used to create the storyline. A quest to find a magic object that can stop a war and save the world? That sentence applies to both ACOWAR and ACOSF. It’s even more disappointing when you know there were other routes the plot could’ve taken but were eventually scratched. It was the perfect set up for an Illyrian mountain setting, it was written in canon, and, unsurprisingly, SJM retconned and changed it.

The Valkyrie plot was cool, if a bit forced and out of place. Nesta barely starts training, and all of a sudden she wants to recreate a powerful band of female warriors that we’ve never heard of in the context of this world? Honestly, it feels like SJM watched Thor: Ragnarok, and was like, “Yes, that’s what I’m gonna do.” I thought Helions winged horses would come into play with that, but I guess we’ll have to see.

I thought the Blood Rite plot was gone, but we got it in the end, even though it was rushed. The most beautiful parts of the book happened during the Rite, so I’m glad we got to see those.

The ending of Briallyn was so swift I literally had to go back a page to make sure I read it right. Literally one page, and she’s killed. I expected more. I can’t say I'm surprised by how rushed her death was when I knew the Feysand trouble was approaching, and the number of pages left was getting smaller. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that SJM would save Rhys, Feyre, and their baby. Out of the entire ensemble in Kingdom of Ash, she only had the heart to kill Gavriel, who wasn’t too much of a main character. There was no way in hell she would do that to Feysand.

I’m sorry, but I do not like the name Nyx. Imagine calling someone Nyx? Did she originally have it as Nick, but just needed to put an X? My eyes were rolling so hard when I read it. Just put an ‘O’ in front of it and end our misery, though I still would’ve rolled my eyes at that name too. The name just reminds me of all the blogger moms who put X’s in their child’s names for dramatic effect that ends up looking like they can’t spell.

I also didn’t appreciate the out of touch colloquialisms in this book either. Prythian doesn’t have a name for anxiety, depression, or PTSD, but they know what lactic acid means?

The amount of sex in this book was something we had been warned to expect, and I think due to the fastness of me reading this book (finished in two sittings), it made it feel like the sex was happening every other page, which it basically was. I’m not going to be mad though because a) it was well written, b) I didn’t feel like it harmed the plot too much, and c) this is the only Nessian smut we’re going to see in canon. But that threesome line with Az. . . y'all know which one I’m talking about. . . the one with the details about certain positions. . . chile um anyways let’s move on.

I called it months ago that Emerie would either be Mor or Azriel’s love interest, and looks like it’s going to be Mor. SJM’s writing is fairly predictable, especially when it comes to romantic ships, and she couldn’t have been more obvious about the two of them. I will write about Gwyn and Azriel in Azriel’s chapter review (cause that monstrosity needs a post of its own).

Now about Nesta’s healing arc. Some of it was satisfying and others were saddening. I’m happy that Nesta was able to find purpose in her life, and not believe herself to be worthless or pathetic, but strong and powerful. I’m happy she found Gwynn and Emerie; I love their friendship. I love how they stuck by each other no matter what, and saw the good and potential in one another.

However, even by the end of the book, Nesta still thinks herself as undeserving. Of Cassian, of love. She knows she has it, and she's so grateful for it, but she still believes she is undeserving of it, that Cassian is just so much better than her. A part of learning to love and live with yourself is knowing what you deserve, so why SJM took that from her character, I don’t know. I was continuously disappointed when said she was undeserving of anything, even after she had learned and grown from her mistakes.

Maybe SJM thinks the belief of being undeserving of one's partner is romantic. I’m telling you now, it’s not. All that does is give unnecessary power to a person you believe you are undeserving of, and this leads to unequal power dynamics in a relationship. Rhys was the exact same with Feyre, so I’m guessing it's a theme.

Speaking of romantic themes, the repetition of the “your mine-im yours” line in this book was nauseating. Your going to make Nesta say the exact same thing her sister said when they had sex? Is there nothing else SJM could’ve come up with? It’s just so weird. And I swear to god if I see Elain do the same thing I’m gonna vomit.

Nesta apologized to Cassian about what she said to him on Solstice in ACOFAS as if he never called her unlovable. As if he never said he didn’t understand why her sisters love her. He never apologized for that. There was so much apologizing from Nesta to Cassian about her calling him a brute, as if Cassian didn’t say he was “shackled” to her after she clearly explained how she feared she would lose her humanity if she accepted the word mate. Not if she accepted him, but the word.

For Cassian to routinely tell Nesta to, “shut her fucking mouth,” when she used some attitude against Rhys was comical. Rhys has been bad mouthing and disrespecting Nesta this whole time, and when she shows some warranted attitude in return (not even an insult), Cassian rips into her. It doesn’t matter what he did for you, babe. Not everyone has the same experience with Rhys, so Cassian getting angry when Nesta showing anger at the way she was being treated was wrong. Her experience with him does not become invalidated just because Cassian has a good relationship with him.

There wasn’t a character arc for Cassian, which was one of the most disappointing parts of the book. He thinks of himself as inferior and undeserving as well, and by the end of the book it’s not even clear if that stance has changed. We saw him grow into the courtier persona in the meeting with Eris when Tamlin shows up, but we never see it again. I know there were instances in which he stood up for Nesta, but he also very quicky after that became silent in other moments when they were insulting her. The next book isn’t in his pov, but I’m hoping we see him become more confident in himself and make a firmer stance to protect Nesta (although I doubt he’ll need to seeing as how Rhys kisses the ground she walks on now).

Now onto Nesta’s apologies to the IC. I think Nesta apologizing to Feyre was expected, and I’m glad the sisters had that moment. I am, however, upset that there was never a moment where all the sisters sat down, and hashed it out. Talked about what they’d been through, how it affected them, and how it affected their feelings toward each other. After everything that happened between Nesta and Elain, all that hurt, you’re telling me all it took was Nesta to make Elain laugh by saying “fuck you,” and we’re good? It’s lazy writing.

Elain telling Nesta that she only cared about how her trauma affected her did not sit right with me. Nesta sat by Elain’s side for weeks when she was in the thick of her struggles, and refused to leave her alone for fear that her struggles would eat her up alive. She constantly looked for anything that could help her sister, and never left her unprotected. Nesta and Elain didn’t communicate after the war, for reasons that we now know was because of Nesta’s guilt for Elain being kidnapped. It is not abnormal when a family member has been traumatized by things that have happened to another family member. That’s expected. Ask any family who has lost a child or had a relative go through something horrible.

Elain is acting as if Nesta has only ever been concerned with herself when she’s spent her entire life concerned with Elain. I made a post long ago about how the IC only wanted Nesta to heal for their sake rather than her sake, and there’s so much more evidence for that than for Elain. Elain’s healing process was able to be understood and encouraged by the IC, whereas they had no idea what to do with Nesta. So for Elain to come at Nesta for not caring about her trauma, a second after Nesta was trying to protect her from further trauma by telling her she didn't want her seering for the Trove, was unwarranted.

Speaking about Elain looking for the Trove, what happened there? Elain had this whole speech where she said she wanted to do something and no one could stop her and then we just. . . don’t hear anything about it again? SJM had a perfect opportunity to do something powerful with Elain there, and completely threw it away.

Nesta’s apology to Amren was extreme, dramatic, and honestly, unnecessary. Amren called Nesta a “pathetic waste of life,” constantly demeaned and degraded her anytime her name was mentioned, and said she did all this because Nesta used her as a shield against her problems and the IC. Seriously? Nesta using Amren as a shield does not warrant that kind of verbal abuse. It doesn't make her a pathetic waste of life. Amren’s been alive for how long? And reacts like that to an obvious side effect of extreme trauma? No ma'am. Nesta getting on her damn knees was too much, and obviously just another moment, like a lot of moments, that SJM felt the need to make dramatic. And then having the audacity to let Amren say to Nesta that, “the struggle with the darkness is worth it,” when she was one of those people who contributed to that darkness is disgusting.

I didn’t like Rhys at all in this book. Even after he saw inside Nesta’s mind about her experience in the cauldron, he was still wary and rude with her. Literally anytime Nesta showed that she was changing, Rhys didn’t change anything about his attitude or behavior towards her. A moment of regret, and then he’s back to being arrogant ass Rhys. Him not telling Feyre about the baby was also extremely stupid. It’s her body, her life, her baby’s life, his life, and she had a right to know what was happening. Not telling her because you didn’t want her to be “upset,” is a dumb excuse. I thought you always promised to let her make her own decisions, Rhys? What happened to that promise? The one that was a hell of a lot better than the stupid bargain ya’ll made? Though Nesta told her out of anger, good on her for telling her sister. Should’ve happened way sooner. His apology to Nesta was the only one that warranted the dramatics. That is what you get on your knees for.

That whole scene about him becoming High King had me throwing the book. Amren telling Rhys that the swords were some sort of mother-mary-cauldron-blessed-hallelujah sign that he was supposed to be High King had me fuming. It’s Nesta’s power. It’s Nesta’s sword. That should have never been a discussion. Not everything is for Rhys. These people are so blinded by their love for him they can’t even see how arrogant he is. To write Nesta giving back Ataraxia made me so angry after we just had a whole moment where we find out it means inner peace. I just hope that all of this is not foreshadowing Rhys becoming High King. I know you love him Sarah, but please don’t.

All in all, this book wasn’t too bad. There were some great moments and some bad moments. I think SJM’s biggest issue in her writing is that she doesn’t outline, or at least doesn't seem to outline, not thoroughly. I feel like she uses plot devices willy nilly whenever it’s the easiest solution. There was never a moment where I said, “that was clever!” A lot of it was cool, but not clever. Not creative. She also has a tendency to write very dramatically, in staccato type sentences where everything is made into a big moment, which bugs me a lot.

I love Nesta. She’s still my fav, and will probably always be my fav. This book doesn’t change that, and as you can tell in my review, most of the issues I had weren’t with her behavior, but with the behavior of other characters. I still love Cassian, even though he made me want to rip my hair out sometimes.

Will I read the next books? Probably. I can’t seem to stay away from these characters or these books, so kudos to SJM for writing them. I know a majority of people have given this book 4 or 5 stars, but I can’t bring myself to give it more than 2/5.

#nesta #cassian #nessian #acosf #a court of silver flames #sjm #nesta archeron #nesta x cassian #cassian x nesta #feysand #feyre #feyre archeron #rhysand #elain #elain archeron #amren #sarah j maas #nesta stan #nestastan

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goddess-aelin · 2 years

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OK let me just word vomit all of my thoughts about A Court of Silver Flames right here.

Overall, I LOVED IT! Say what you want but Sarah J Maas is a fantastic writer and storyteller. She is great with world building and most of the plot is centered around the characters, their feelings, and their relationships with each other.

On Nesta: listen, I get that she did some shitty stuff. Like VERY shitty stuff. Does this make her evil or inherently bad? Nah. She went through a lot of traumatic stuff and was groomed literally from childhood by her mother to be this cold, aloof person. This book was about her finding her way in life away from all of that, forging her own path and finding out who she really is. Most of all, it was about her healing. I related so heavily to Nesta throughout this whole book. I would really like to say that the sister I’m most like is Feyre because she’s an angel but in all honesty, I’m probably most like Nesta. If it’s hard for you to show your emotions (because of trauma, childhood, or whatever) you will know that sometimes you act out in ways you might not want to. It obviously doesn’t excuse shitty actions but it also doesn’t make you an inherently bad person. If you can’t relate to being in a dark place and lashing out, just wanting people to get away from you because you either can’t take the attention or feel like you don’t deserve any kindness, then I’m so happy for you. Because that place sucks. I honestly cried so many times throughout the book because what Nesta was feeling was what I had been feeling at points in my life. Thankfully, I had therapy and meds to help my anxiety and depression and work through traumas, but obviously Nesta didn’t have that. The points in which Nesta felt one thing and lashed out and said another were happening to me on a regular basis. I felt so shitty prior and saying those things, even if I apologized, made me feel SO much shittier. Coming out of that cycle of hatred of yourself is so difficult and her journey was so real and intense. So thank you, Sarah, for writing this. Most cathartic scene was where Nesta was dancing at the court of nightmares, feeling alive again. It’s exactly how I felt when I got back into my art and realized how much I was missing.

*note: I also see a lot of people complaining about Nesta not apologizing to Feyre. While I am the biggest Feyre fan, I also understand that this was a portion of the story. Nesta only just started to be in a good place in the last few pages of the book. I didn’t really expect a full resolution, especially with so much going on. Would I have loved an extra 200 pages of resolution? Of course!

On Cassian: I’ve seen so many people say that this book made Cassian seem like he was just a dumb guy who can only think about getting laid. I didn’t see that at all? Obviously there were a lot of smut scenes (I was sweating whew). Idk if some people can’t read between the lines but he literally knew Nesta was his mate almost the whole time and if this was the only way she’d let him have her, then he was willing to be ok with that. I felt like this book brought out a really nice, softer and nurturing side of Cassian. (Is he my new husband? Yes, yes he is) Also NESSIAN SUPREMACY. Am I as obsessed as I am with Feysand? Probably not but I’m definitely close to that point. We love a warrior couple who is soft for each other. Literally how does SJM write these perfect couples? She’s ruined any relationship for me unless it’s with a sexy strong illyrian male.

*Sigh* on the Azriel/Elain/Gwyn/Lucien situation: I want to say that I have no strong opinion on this situation and would honestly be ok with whatever happens. Mostly because I trust that Sarah knows what she’s doing and she hasn’t let me down yet (even if she has ripped my heart out multiple times). Would it be cool to see a deviation from the mates? I mean, I guess. I’m kinda a sucker for there being that person out there for you so I don’t hate this trope? I do lean more towards Gwynriel and Elucien because of this. This is not to say that Lucien is entitled to Elain because obviously he’s not. I do see more potential though in Gwynriel because of both of their histories. I will say that before ACOSF, I shipped e/lriel but I did a little switcheroo after I met Gwyn. I think she’s the perfect compliment to Az and would be a really cute dynamic. Maybe she’d help his self loathing, they could help each other heal from the trauma? Possibilities are endless, really. I do think a few things point to Gwynriel, though. One, Elain is described as not being suited for the night court or the color black. Not necessarily a deal breaker but interesting that the author put that in there. Perhaps she would be more suited towards the Spring court or Day court *side eyes Lucien and daddy Helion*? Two, without taking the extra Az chapter into account, I think the Gwyn/Az dynamic is so good. They are building to be equals and compliments of each other. Three, taking the Az chapter into account, while he and Elain have chemistry, I don’t see the give and take that Gwyn has with him. Not saying he doesn’t care or that it’s superficial because I don’t agree with either of those statements. That Az chapter did seem it was a push towards Gwyn though, not Elain. Someone also pointed out that Az hides his hand scars from literally almost everyone as if he’s ashamed. But he’s never done that from Gwyn. Lastly, I also think Az deserves his own mate. He wants that so badly now that his brothers have mates and I just think being with someone who will always have that bond with someone else (even if they don’t want it) is doing him a bit of a disservice. But who knows what will happen! I will reiterate that I trust Sarah fully and she has not led me astray. So whatever happens, I know it will be good and satisfying.

The single part I did not like was the fact that somehow Gwyn/Emerie/Nesta could take out 6+ fully grown and trained warriors with only 5-6 months of daily training... especially when it took Cassian 7 years to wield a sword... I just keep telling myself it’s because Cassian and Azriel are such great teachers.

Anyway, if you were debating reading it because you heard some not great things like I did, I hope this helps to sway you. Because it was a fantastic, entertaining book and I 100% enjoyed every second of it.

#ACOSF #ACOTAR #nessian #nesta archeron #cassian #my post #this was such a long winded way to say that i loved it #and theyre my bbys

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charincharge · 4 years

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“You should sleep in my bed more often” for Nessian pls ❤️❤️ ps I love your writing so much, sending you lots of love

AN: Thank you! This was delightful. Hope you enjoy some post ACOFAS Nessian.

“Don’t move,” Nesta snapped as Cassian shifted on the edge of his bed. She looked over her shoulder at the fierce warrior, now felled, his shoulder spilling blood through his ripped leathers. She washed her hands thoroughly in the basin, ignoring the slight tremor as she cleaned the dirt from her skin and under her nails.

“It’s not that bad, sweetheart,” he drawled smoothly, but Nesta was familiar enough with the cocky Ilyrian to recognize that he was in pain. He started unlacing his leathers, and she could hear him hiss loudly as he attempted to pull it over his head.

“Let me help, you oaf,” she chastised, gliding across the room with her makeshift medical bag. She’d had it on hand for training for their students. She was not anticipating ever having to use it on the soldier in front of her.

Cassian froze as Nesta’s dainty fingers fumbled, loosening the laces further. She lifted his good arm and tugged the armor up and over his injured body.

She frowned at the large red stain across his undershirt, getting bigger by the second. Cauldron, that was a lot of blood.

She pulled the scissors from her bag and pulled at the neckline. She looked into Cassian’s hazel eyes nervously. She’d attended to soldiers during battle before, but not Cassian. Never Cassian. In fact, she couldn’t remember the last time she was this close to him without a weapon between them. A small smirk appeared on his face as he looked her over.

“If you’re waiting for permission to cut my shirt off, you should know I’ve been wanting you to undress me for a while now.”

“Shut up,” Nesta mumbled, slicing through the thin fabric and peeling it off him, exposing his tattooed chest and shoulders. Though she was tempted to be distracted by the man’s strong muscles, she stayed focused. Nesta took a closer look at the wound in his shoulder. She dipped a clean cloth into her warm bowl of water and brought it to the wound. She watched as Cassian grit his teeth, maintaining the façade that he was completely fine.

“I’m so mad at you,” Nesta said as she worked to clean the blood still leaking from his shoulder.

Cassian barked out a laugh. “You’re mad at me?” His eyes twinkled with humor at the situation, but Nesta didn’t find it particularly funny.

“Yes,” she retorted. “None of this would have happened if you’d just listened to me, for cauldron’s sake.” She huffed. “I told you I wasn’t ready to train with weapons, but you insisted. And look what happened.”

Nesta had lost control of her weapon too early, and Cassian, unshielded, let the arrow strike him. It had gone clean through his armor, piercing through to the other side.

“Sweetheart,” he said, his eyes softening in a way that made Nesta feel unbalanced. “I swear I’ve had much worse. This will be healed by morning.”

Nesta steeled her hand as she threaded a needle and rested her wrist against Cassian’s warm skin.

“You’re burning up,” she mumbled, and Cassian rested his hand on top of hers.

“What can I say? I’m hot.” She could feel him smirking at her, but she refused to look up, focusing solely on moving the needle to pierce the edge of the wound. He inhaled sharply as the thread tugged through his skin, and Nesta didn’t move away as he laced his fingers with her free hand, resting on her lap.

After tying off the stitches, she stood and went around to the other side to see the damage done to the back. She cleaned off the blood and relaxed slightly when she saw the skin had already closed in the back. She let her thumb trail across the small red line where it had recently healed, and she felt Cassian shudder beneath her touch.

She stepped off the bed with a small clearing of her throat. “The back’s already healed.”

“Like I said,” Cassian quipped, but his voice was low and sleepy. She’d given him a tonic with pain healing properties, and they were definitely starting to kick in. She finished covering the wound with gauze and pulled up a chair beside Cassian’s desk and sat in it as Cassian rested back against his pillow.

“What are you doing?” he called out, woozy.

“I can’t let you sleep drugged and unprotected. What if the camps were attacked?” Nesta insisted, and she watched as Cassian struggled to sit back up. She rushed over to the bed.

“What are you doing?” she snapped. “Lie back down.”

He shook his head. “Nah, sweetheart. I’m going to take the floor. You take the bed.”

She pushed him lightly, and he didn’t have the strength to fight her. “I’m going to sit right over there until you wake up,” Nesta said, turning back to the chair.

Cassian reached out with his good arm and tugged at the cloth of her sweater until she turned around. He patted the bed next to him.

“I need you to protect me closer,” he said and closed his eyes. He didn’t let go of Nesta’s sweater, so she finally sat on the edge of the bed, her back rigid as stone until she watched Cassian’s breaths even out, his chest rising and falling in comfortable slumber. She pushed his hair back from his face gently and sighed. She’d truly scared herself, shooting the Commander of the Ilyrian armies. Watching him fall to the ground with an unsteady thud. She wasn’t ready to talk about what that feeling of dread meant.

Instead, she watched him sleep until she couldn’t keep her eyes open herself.

Nesta woke the next morning, cloaked in warmth. She moved her head against her pillow, only to realize the pillow was shaking beneath her… and in fact was not a pillow, but Cassian’s broad chest. When he ran his hand up her back, she sat back up, flustered.

She cleared her throat, ignoring the warm flush on her cheeks and chest and the way Cassian’s hazel eyes looked through her. “How are you feeling?”

Cassian lifted the gauze from the wound and ran his finger over the stitches. “Healed. Like I said, sweetheart.” He grinned widely and pushed a stray tendril of Nesta’s previously braided hair behind her ear. “You should sleep in my bed more often.” He winked. “Want to make me breakfast, too?”

Nesta shoved his hands away from her and stood up. “Get it yourself.”

#nessian #nesta x cassian #acotar #charincharge writes #prompts #post-canon

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luciensfox · 3 years

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ACOSF Thoughts...

Don’t read unless you wish to be spoiled! Here are some things I can’t get out of my head after finishing the book...

Well first and foremost, I absolutely adore Nessian (as I always have but now it’s even more so) and I’m incredibly pleased with the direction it seems that SJM is leading Nesta’s character development! I’ve always wanted a badass warrior Nesta and I got way more than I figured (short of her growing wings at any time as I think some Valkyrie myths depict, this is amazing/ especially with all of the parallels people drew with her and Enalius). She’s going to make for an interesting character in the coming books and dare I say...commander Nesta. Oh, yes.

Of course I’ve always been obsessed with Lucien and nothing has changed on that front, but I’m even more intrigued now because we still need so many answers. When will it be revealed that he’s the heir of the Day Court? What’s the standings between he and Tamlin? With Vassa and Jurian? With his mother/ brothers? His mate? We literally got only two or three scenes with Luc involved so I knew nothing would be resolved in this novella, however I’m even more excited to see how Eris will play into his character arc come the next story (because you cannot convince me that SJM would put more emphasis on Eris than Lucien in this book and not intend for some brotherly angst in the future). Eris is also an anomaly and maybe it’s because I’m obsessed with the mysterious nature of whatever the hell is happening in the Autumn Court, but I really can’t wait to see what’s up with him and the rest of his family. (Also....the ballroom scene with Nest and Eris dancing to what is supposed to reflect Black Swan was one of my absolute favorite scenes.) Does Eris secretly desire peace and wants to take over Autumn not for power but to make amends and heal/ bring back glory to his home? And what exactly happened with Mor? SJM put so much emphasis on that too and we still have no idea.

I LOVE Gwyneth and Emerie. The triad of Valkyries was honestly the best part of the whole book for me. I know everyone is quick to match up characters with potential romances/ mates etc and it sounds like that’s what will happen with these two...but let’s not forget that they’re incredibly strong characters on their own terms and I hope whatever comes about their arcs isn't entirely placed on their romance status. However, they both seem to want to find someone to be with which leads me to believe that Emerie and Mor will very likely end up together (if only for the fact that we got one sentences indicating Em finds Mor gorgeous....I guess we’ll have to wait and see what happens) and that Gwyn is going to be a potential interest for Azriel.

I love Lucien so much, but my soft fox boy needs to heal and stop forcing himself to find romantic love when all he really needs is some self love. (So perhaps that will be his final journey....Lucien finally coming to terms with his trauma, settling ties with everyone from his past, and taking up his mental as Helion’s son and the future of the Day Court.)

Elain seemed a bit OOC...and yet not at all? We’ve only got the chance to see the “sweet/ innocent” side of her, but it makes sense that she’s going to be a super complex character (SJM wouldn't have set her up so mysteriously if the intent was to leave her as a mere gardener) and that her journey in following books will show us a side of her we’ve never encountered. The Elriel ship has always been a confusing one for me, not because I don’t ship it but because there’s so much happening all the time that it’s hard to get a proper read on clues when SJM throws characters like Gwyn at us...coupled with the fact that Lucien seems to still be in love with Elain (or at least he’s just lonely and doesn't know how else to react, never mind whatever is happening with Vassa and Jurian), and that Az seems intent on getting with Elain....but Az also seems to be the type of character who falls in love deeply without considering a number of things. He’s driven by his desires and often hurt by them, hence his love for Mor. Notice how shortly after he started drifting from his desire for Mor, he started to desire Elain? Part of me wonders if it’s because he found the person he’s meant to be with...or if he felt attracted to her and she was a distraction to his pain and a means to help him get over Mor. Like I said, I don’t know which way I lean just yet but these are all possibilities!

Then there’s the Gwynriel ship--totally didn’t see that coming but I can’t say I don’t enjoy it. I love how Gwyn teases Az in a way that many others usually don’t dare, and that she’s another character with a history outside of the IC. While there’s a lot to consider, like the fact that Az’s shadows shy away when Elain is around but “dance” and seem to be overjoyed when Gwyn is nearby, I think a truly noticeable parallel to the pairing could be this:

Azriel is no stranger to unrequited love. In fact, that seemed to be his overarching characteristic for the first two books. Now that he’s found Elain and she also reciprocates their shared desire, it would be easy to pair them together. However, Gwyn seems to be interested in Azriel and Az can’t seem to figure out his standings with her other than being enticed and not realizing what’s in front of him because he’s so determined to be with Elain since “she’s the third sister and he the third brother” etc so it must make sense somehow even though Elain is mated. But Gwyn, to that extent, is no stranger to unrequited love either.

Just imagine: Azriel finally cracks in the following book and shows a rare display of emotions to either Gwyn or the IC (or both) and Gwyn decides to confront him about facing his fears (his past with Mor, his current standings with Elain, his desire to have someone) by claiming that she knows exactly what unrequited love feels like because every day she stares at him and feels precisely as devastated as he did/does whenever he sees Mor or Elain. Az will probably be shocked to all hell and maybe it’ll snap him out of his misery enough to think clearly on the whole matter.

The Rhysand and Nesta friendship was something else I wasn’t expecting, didn’t necessarily think I’d want, but now am excited to see bloom. They definitely do share traits and I can’t help but remember how Rhys once compared Feyre to Cassian and how Nesta and Rhys might be the opposite counterparts since they’re both haughty and respond to things with incredibly heightened emotions because they love fiercely.

This post is much longer than I’d intended but oh well, some other things for your consideration.....

A Varian/Amren x Nessian double date.

Nesta taking on a similar military role as Cassian and either leading a female unit of Illyrians/ Valkyries or sharing the brunt of Cassian’s job (plus come on... those two training together is essentially their respective version of foreplay and I’m so here for warrior Nessian bonding).

I hope we get to see that mating ceremony scene!

Also....does anyone remember Balthazar--the Illyrian who showed up for one scene and fell asleep on Nesta’s shoulder during the Blood Rite while he helped them find shelter? There’s no way SJM would’ve written in a character like that without intending for him to show up again in the future....

Koschei the deathless? Wonder what will occur there.

Damn, if you’ve made it this far give yourself a pat on the back.

#I honestly was going to write one sentence #ONE #but then...this happened #I guess I just felt very strongly about this book and didn't realize it until now #god there are so many unanswered questions #time for fanfic i guess lol #nessian #a court of silver flames #acosf #acosf spoilers #sjm #elriel #gwynriel #lucien vanserra

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fireheartfaery · 3 years

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As the year comes to a close (thank the gods) I have one group of people to thank for getting me through it: And that's fanfic authors! You guys have saved me every single day this year and I can never thank you enough for it❤️

I started this list in July sometime and it has been steadily growing since then, and I'm sure it will continue to, but I cannot close out this hell-year without thanking these blogs in particular because wow I would not have survived without y'all's works!

@stardustroses Bruna! I discovered your Headcanons first and I fell head over heels in love. I haven't read your gen 2 yet but I promise I will. Thank you for giving us that sweet sweet manorian content we are being so (rudely) denied! And thank you for all the warnette and dramione. Most importantly, thank you for your original WIP. I cannot tell you how much I love your beautiful characters and I hope with all my heart that one day I can hold your book in my hand and know that I read its contents all that time ago and loved it even then.

@ladywitchling Ams! You know I love your writing. You write raw and real and it makes me so sad but heals me so well. Thank you for becoming a friend. Your presence has been a light in the darkness of this year. I will possess your heart is one of the greatest pieces of writing I have ever had the pleasure to read and I cannot tell you how blown away I was! Also Zillah is everything. EVERYTHING

@noodlecatposts Jess! (I hope it's okay to call you that) Firstly I hope you're really really proud of yourself for all you've written and done this year because holy crab cakes you took on a lot of projects. I think I found you because of Noisy Neighbours but I think I only got a few chapters in before I had to call it quits because I cannot handle angst until I know I'm going to get fluff resolution and that did not come for a hot minute👀(I will catch up on NN that's a promise to myself) but obviously I stalked your account because I love your writing style and I found so many beautiful fics! Also I just need to tell you that this one particular ask (and your response to it) will pop into my head randomly and I will die laughing! It was around 20 chapters into NN and the asker said something along the lines of "In another 20 chapters will see rowaelin doing [cannot remember]" and your response was roughly "Oh God I don't think I can write 20 more chapters" and now I think NN is on 60 chapters? That interaction just makes me laugh all the time, and especially when I see a new chapter is up. When you started Kingsflame I knew it'd be my favourite by far. That fic has a special place in my heart and I think about it on the regular.

@sassyhobbits your One Night Standards fic is b r i l l i a n t. I haven't finished it yet but please know that Princess Aelin and Prince Rowan own all the parts of my heart and I loved their characterizations so much! That scene where they go out into the city all disguised and then they have greasy burgers at the diner is so soft and I think about it constantly! Also the one where they had to stage that picnic and the little girl came up to Aelin? Freaking adorable. I adore how badass and wonderful Lysandra is as well! THANK YOU!

@charincharge your Cruel Summer fic was!!! Mind blowing. I loved everything about it and when it ended all I wanted to do was dive back into the world and read about rowaelin having theme park adventures. Thank you thank you thank you for creating that beautiful AU!

@simping4bookboisngrls Cass! The minute you interacted with my crackships post I knew I'd adore you forever!! Your Everybody Talks fic lives rent free in my mind and I love love love every relationship (platonic and romantic) you've created! Also getting to interact with you has been one of the best things about my year so thank you for brightening my dash! (and my life)

Special Mentions:

@tacmc @snelbz Your "Swipe Left" one (two?) shot fic was SOOOOOO freaking cute!!! Everything about it! I love the collaborations you guys do.

@ourlovelybones your manorian fic hello princeling, hello witchling yea I love it and it's so cute and you providing us with the manorian content we deserve? QUEEN! thank you

@highqueenofelfhame I think I've read your writing in pieces here and there and I loved it all but my fave thing is "Sleight of Hand"! That fic gave me so much happy thank you

@rhysanoodle finding you quinlar one shot after reading the blue-balls that was CC was like finding water in the flipping desert!! You are a life saver thank you

@westofmoon your "12 17 days of Rowaelin" was *all the heart eyes* and I think I had like 6 strokes from the cuteness alone!

@darklesmylove your perspective fics where you write about things that could have happened are wonderful!! Specifically "intentions" and "the stars pale" I just loved them so much! I always need me some rowaelin

@starseternalnighttriumphant your kinktober obliterated me!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVED ALL OF IT SO MUCH. Thank you for spoiling us. Also your daddy!Rowan AU is g e n i u s

@dawninlatin Queen of Peace is one of my fave manorian AUs of all time and I love that they're just blushing idiots who don't know what going on and need to be pushed together in order to realize they're perfect for each other!! Also Manon rebelling against her grandmother is the greatest thing to ever happen. And Asterin continues to be iconic in any universe

@empress-ofbloodshed THANK YOU FOR THE ROWCAN! I didn't expect it to be such a big part of my year but it has made all the difference in the world! Your roommates AU is the cutest ever

@rhysand-vs-fenrys YOUR CAZRIEL???? Unreal. Unbelievable. Show stopping. You made my cazriel binge that much better and I love you for it!

@nalgenewhore thank you for the rowcan content!! Between you and @empress-ofbloodshed my 2020 has brought only the best crackship! Also I love Kohana!!!! Like I would die for him

@sacksvilles I will never ever be over the perfection that is Nezriel and I want to live in the universe where they're canon instead of nessian!! Thank you for creating the nezriel monster that is me. Also your fic "Illyrian Oral Lessons" is perfection and nothing less!

#I bloody love fanfic authors #SJM fanfic authors #SJM #Fanfic authors #Fanfictions #Authors #Ciara's Convos #Appreciation post

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flowerflamestars · 4 years

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I hate to say it but Cassian in Acofas was the embodiment of "no don't kill yourself, you're so sexy"

Babe. BABE. how dare you unleash this in my brain? this is the OPPOSITE of that time that spawned the- 30k and counting- Red Queen saga draft. You’re too good, and acofas hurts me too much.

Let’s talk narrative, instead my usual vehement denial: acofas did everyone dirty, but I am particularly perplexed by Cassian, in that in certain moments it works...and others I am for the first time like, Nesta. Honey. Baby sweetheart. stab that man and run.

So just structurally, there’s this clear thread. The Nessian book is next. SJM is taking the characters to their lowest, to raise them back up. Have to break to mend- I get that.

But. BUT. They are both so, so goddamn tragic individually- neither is coping, or healing, Cassian is just like, faking it spectacularly- so what was the point of taking them to their lowest possible moment as a couple?

They’re not even together yet- why are we going to the darkest conflict?

Can you imagine forgiving a man who, in the course of an evening: presumably knows how uncomfortable you are, because he always knows even when you don’t want him, and ignores you all night. Exchanges naughty matching underwear gifts with another woman- just highlighting how you weren’t supposed to be here, you’re not a part of the present exchange.

Follows you outside into the dark cold night despite your repeated request he leave you alone. Grabs you when you try to get away. Yells? at you. Tells you he doesn’t understand why your only living family members- for whom you wrecked yourself in a way you don’t know how to move on from- love you. Care about you. The whole present thing gets attention because yes, we all want to know what the hell was in it- but then he follows her home.

Like? Girl, run.

And I just don’t get why that’s the direction.

Because the whole structure of Nessian- from like, that first fraught dinner, all the way to trying to die together- is that they get each other. There’s misunderstandings because they don’t know each other, but they bring out the worst/best of their selves. They know what the other needs: see, Nesta refusing to leave Cassian on the battlefield. Cassian understanding Nesta is afraid of mortal men and giving her a quick and dirty fucking stab them talk. Nesta binding Cassian’s wrist, followed by his physical/emotional support to scry after the Cauldron.

Cassian looks at a mortal woman, and recognizes dangerous potential. Nesta looks at this hulking, ferocious warrior, and finds the vulnerability. They don’t know each other well, but they intuit, constantly.

I find it so hard to get the fact that Cassian who fought Rhys about fucking up the mortal sisters lives, who was pissed that Feyre faced the Weaver, who risked his life to save Mor when they were young- could possibly look at the woman he clearly loves, and say, you’re in pain and its your fault.

Like, what?? I can see the thread- Nesta brings out the worst in Cassian, same as the best, because she destroys his armor just by being present and that makes him batshit- but it feels like too far?

He’s protective, and he’s fully an idiot about her- but Cassian respects Nesta. And if having casual sex and drinking- two coping mechanism they clearly share- is enough to make him lose that respect, than who even is this character?

And weirdly, in other parts of acofas, he seems more in character. Drinking and decorating with Feyre, Cassian’s true but also very well honed walls. Blithely buying Morrigan whatever she wants for Solstice- YALL THE PROBLEM IS THAT SHE BUYS HIM A MATCHING ITEM BACK, OKAY?The flagrant claim. Ugh.

Pained, prideful, and raw in the Illyrian mountains.

The books make it clear Cassian is emotionally intelligent- maybe more so than the entire rest of the IC. I can follow the idea that he’s grieving too, so also acting out- but Cassian is five hundred years old. He knows what ptsd looks like.

If we’re making it clear they’re both broken and hurting going into their book, why couldn’t that just be based on their own uh, extremely tragic, utterly unhandled trauma?

Is it supposed to delineate the fact that they will only hurt each other if they try to be close before they’re ready? Is it meant to be evidence that Cassian really, really is fronting that hard, and underneath it he’s a mess too? Normally, they challenge each other- but utterly disregarding the boundaries of a vulnerable women is a completely different thing.

God, what was that novella? Everyone is practically different people in it, yall. It hurts me, and frankly, I like to ignore its entire existence in canon.

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acourtofpointythings · 3 years

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I hope we won’t see hate sex from Nessian during acosf; and if people send me asks about why I have absolutely no problem answering. (Feel free to ask me anything)

But here are my reasons for why we won’t:

1) Nesta is said to not give up control during sex (topping, in not as nice words) and this can be pointed towards her PTSD (but I don’t think it’s the only reason), and Cassian will probably not bottom since illyrian wings are sensitive and I don’t feel like he would love the idea.

2) It’s a book about healing with yourself and your relationships and hate sex between them doesn’t scream healing to me.

For these very loose/poor reasons it leaves me to be concerned that they could have hate sex.

#nessian #acosf #a court of silver flames #nesta #nesta archeron #cassian #nestaxcassian #nesta and cassian

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nestasgalpal · 3 years

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Its kinda refreshing to see someone else as conflicted with Nessian as I am.

Because I see posts like : Cassian’s subtle love, Cassian’s promises to Nesta, all of the time where Cassian shows that he loves Nesta and defends her and I’m like awww, OTP. But then I remember/ see other post reminding me how actually there isn’t much defending at least never outright, how he said he could take all that she could throw at him but he always gets mad and yells when she does. How he got angry when she said she hated rhys but Rhys threatened Nesta at the house in the beginning and after she tells Feyre the truth and he... didn’t do anything and how he got away with calling her unlovable twice etc and ..... yeah definitely not OTP

I’m just so thorn, if only sjm had written an actual romance in this romance book.

Dude for real!!! I’ve been feeling like this since ACOFAS. It’s like... I love that they are happy, and when I come across these posts about their acts of love for one another and cute stuff, I’m absolutely sold. BUT THEN, I randomly remember that he didn’t put her before the IC ever. I remember that the Mor situation wasn’t addressed. I remember that Cassian still feels like he was the victim of the solstice scene when she rejects him after not talking for months and he calls her unlovable.

I saw a post that reminded everyone that he did say a couple things to Rhys when he mind-threatened her, or when Lucien kept staring at her like she was a freak show. Yes, he did, and I’m glad for that, but his reaction to Rhys trying to scare Nesta because she is starting something like a friendship with Gwyn (he literally had 0 reasons to do that) is not even close the how he reacted when Nesta called his High Lord an “asshole”. He snapped at Azriel when he said Elain shouldn’t be exposed to the dark powers of the Trove but Nesta did, yes, and that shows the start of a growth arc that should have been developed further in this book but didn’t.

To be honest, I didn’t even need him to become the perfect partner in this book. I think the best thing about Nessian is that they will still be a slow burn couple even after they married. They have so much to go through, and so much time to do so, that I only needed Cassian to tell Nesta that he acknowledges his faults too, and he will do his best to be her dreamed knight in the future. That’s all I needed, because I believe he will try to be better every day, as will she.

But we didn’t get that!!! We got Nesta accepting her mistakes and apologizing, promising him and herself that she will trust him from now on when she falls into the darkness again, because she will, but now she knows she has him. But we didn’t get Cassian admitting that he had a part in her trauma, or that he ever did her any wrong. I know Nesta trusts him now, and that makes me soft because it’s so hard for her to trust!!! That makes me root for them and love them. The problem is that even though Nesta trusts him, I don’t; because I didn’t see him realizing where he failed her, so I don’t know if he will make the same mistakes again.

That’s my problem. That’s why I’m conflicted. I read +700 pages about their romance and I still don’t know if he understands why it failed after the war.

He understands what she is going through because it took him a hundred years to get over his first war. Well... where is that refected in his actions? He healed (every single character, actually) thanks to having people around who helped him. Why didn’t he do that for Nesta immediately after the war, then? Why did it require Amren to tell him to keep reaching his hand when HE SAID IT TOOK HIM A CENTURY TO GET OVER THE EXACT SAME THING? WHY DIDN’T HE REALIZED IT BY HIMSELF, WHEN HAVING PEOPLE WHO WON’T LEAVE AFTER SEEING HIS WORST IS WHAT SAVED HIM?

He understands what she is going through because it took him ten years to process what happened with his mother. Well, Cassian my love, give that thought one more minute and remind yourself what Nesta has been through in the last 10 years, because it’s A LOT. AND YOU KNOW IT.

I know Cassian did show her love the way he knows how to do it and I know Nesta is tough to read even if you put in the effort. Her walls are so high, that even when she is letting you in and you are genuinely trying to understand her, it still takes time and patience. I know he is trying, but I didn’t get from ACOSF the reassurance the he actually understands where he went wrong or if he even thinks he did wrong or it was all her doing. That’s where the contradictory feelings come from for me.

Since their POVs are over, I’m not sure if we will ever get Cassian admitting his own flaws regarding their relationship to Nesta, but, again, after they married mated, they remained a slow burn couple, so I can pretend that it will eventually happen and write a fic about it if doesn’t get addressed in ACOTAR 5.

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mercxrial · 4 years

Text

Nessian Fanfiction: Hurt (Part 2)

***Part 2 of my fanfiction. There are more parts to come, hopefully :) Constructive Criticism is appreciated

(Part 1)

Nesta stayed at the townhouse as Cassian healed. She used the excuse that she wanted to read in the library. The entire Inner Circle knew why she was really there, but no one said a word about it. They assumed she had feelings for Cassian, but no one dared to interfere. Not until Feyre decided she had enough of her attitude. Cassian was like her brother, and she had rarely seen him smile with true happiness, since he fell in love with Nesta.

Feyre strode into the library to see Nesta, supposedly, reading. “Your book is upside-down.”

Nesta jumped, not seeing Feyre walk in. She quickly pulled away from her thoughts, changing her expression to her usual one, and looked at Feyre. She ignored the comment about the book being upside-down, as she put it down. “What do you want?”

At first glance, Feyre had not noticed the fear lacing her sister’s eyes. When she did, she changed her plan on how she was going to talk to her. Scolding her would have ruined whatever progress Cassian had made on breaking her emotional walls. “Cassian is awake.”

“So?” she feigned indifference. After almost losing him for the second time, her act was starting to worsen. She felt as if she was at her breaking point after bottling up her thoughts for years and drowning them with alcohol.

Feyre sat next to her sister, “Nesta, please tell me why you’re doing this. I saw you last night. You care.” Nesta started to interrupt, “Don’t lie to yourself, please.”

Nesta looked away. Before she could change her mind, she whispered, “He’s my mate.”

She said it so softly, Feyre almost didn’t catch it. She wasn’t completely shocked at the news, but she wasn’t expecting Nesta to say that. “How long have you known?”

Nesta finally looked at her sister. Feyre had never seen her sister so emotional and sad. “During the battle, when I yelled his name. I think I had felt it click, but I tried to drink it away. I didn’t want it to be true. Feyre, I don’t know what to do, I’m not ready for a relationship,” she had started crying. Nesta had never cried, but being scared of losing him had changed something within her, and for the first time ever, she felt utterly confused. “I also don't think I can just ignore it longer. It feels like something inside me is physically in pain. The alcohol numbed it, but I don’t know what happened last night. I just saw him almost die and… and I felt… I felt fear.”

Feyre was very shocked, but didn’t show it. This was the first time in her entire life that Nesta had opened up at all. She had known something terrible had happened to her sister in the past when she came home as a mess, but no matter how much she asked, Nesta never told Feyre. Feyre looked at her sister, softly, “Nesta, at least tell Cassian. Tell him what you told me. Cassian will understand. If you need time, he’ll give it to you. I am sure. Ignoring a mating bond is not going to go well, and you both will be miserable.”

“I’ll think about,” Nesta said, ending the conversation. She wiped her tears, and went back to reading. Feyre realized that Nesta didn’t want to talk anymore and left the library.

Nesta didn’t know what to do. After the incident with Thomas Mandray, she vowed to herself to never love a man. She didn’t think she could ever trust a man. Cassian may have been Fae, but they aren’t so different then men. She wanted to tell Cassian, but couldn’t bring herself to do it. She feared that he would force her to be with him. She hadn’t known fear for so long, and she hated the bastard for making her feel it again. She was strong. She was Nesta. She wasn’t emotional. She wasn’t weak. But here she was, completely lost and confused and she had pushed everyone away. She decided she would tell Feyre. Only because she knew that her sister had complicated relationship problems. Nesta was starting to get exhausted from her loneliness. She needed someone. And she hated to admit it to herself.

#nessian #nessian fanfiction #nesta archeron #nesta and cassian #cassian #acotar #acotar fanfiction

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alltheworldsinmyhead · 3 years

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this is me trying

a03 / angst/ hurt/comfort

Decades after Feyre banishes Nesta from Velaris, Nesta comes back in the worst possible circumstances. After all, who knows of grief more than her?

established nessian, established feysand, think whatever you want of elain.

tw: stillbirth

**************************************************************************************

Nesta finds Rhysand on one of the hundreds of the House of Wind balconies.

Standing with his back to her, he blends in the dark so well that she probably wouldn’t have noticed him, if not for the lights of Velaris; the city spreading below like a bejeweled carpet, like a bright halo outlining his figure.

She was on her way to find a drink – she hasn’t touched spirits in a decade, but maybe tonight is finally the night – but something about the sight makes her pause on the threshold.

They winnowed in such a haste, Cassian and she, that she did not even have a second to take a closer look at Rhysand. She cannot even recall the sight of his face when he appeared in their kitchen and gave them the news mere seconds before she was clutching at his arm, time and space warping around them.

And so she stays still, watching him now, thanks to, maybe, some morbid curiosity or maybe to something else she doesn’t dare to name.

‘’Thank you.’’ He says so suddenly that she twitches. ‘’For coming.’’

She has to bite on her lip to suppress the venom biting the roof of her mouth. She’s my sister. Of course, I came, you prick. – she would’ve replied back when she was still living here.

But it hasn’t been a case for many, many years now… and besides, she understands from where his words come from.

And so she simply takes a few stiff steps until she finds herself right beside him.

He must’ve been standing here for a long, long time. – crosses her mind when she glances down at Rhysand’s hands; at this thin layer of fresh snow coating his knuckles, almost like powdered sugar.

Rhys doesn’t ask her how Feyre is, whom she left her with, and she doesn’t tell him. He probably knows it better than she does, anyway. They’re still and silent. Nesta’s sensitive ears catch only the faint, soothing sound of the wind, the almost inaudible flutter of snowflakes in the frosty air. It still amazes her, even after all this time, the things her body is capable of. Probably, if she really tried, she would be able to hear the heartbeats of all the Fae huddled inside the House, hear how they inhale and exhale, hear how they all grief in the heaviest, most terrible kind of silence.

Nesta doesn’t try though, so the only heartbeats she hears are the twin ones always beating in her chest - her own and it’s fluttering echo, soothing her like nothing else ever came close to.

She leans on the railing, letting the snow dampen the long sleeves of her dress. Cold does not bother her anyway; winter in Velaris is milder than spring in Steppes and she hasn’t been truly cold since she has accepted the mating bond, flames and embers of it forever warming her inside out. The Rainbow glimmers and twinkles miles and miles from them when she whispers, soft and slow:

‘’I am sorry for your loss.’’

Rhys whips his head towards her, violet eyes widened in surprise, but she continues before he can respond.

‘’And I am thankful that you send for me. Truly.’’

‘’She asked for you.’’ He says as if it explained everything, fixing his sight back on the view of the city. Maybe it did explain everything, for him.

What agony, to feel her suffer, suffer yourself, and not be able to do anything about it.

Her heart clenches in her chest and, not even a second later, a wave of warmth spreads through her body, making her skin tingle. A soft caress which, she has already learned, meant what is wrong, Nes?

Everything. Everything. She was supposed to be happy. I didn’t need to see her ever again because I knew she was happy. And what can I do now, if her own mate stands here helpless?

Flames and embers, burning her gut. Hurt and helplessness rivaling hers reverberating in her bones.

Nothing. You can do nothing, Nesta.

‘’I didn’t understand why.’’ Rhys continues unexpectedly, his voice as cold as the frosty wind. ‘’I don’t get why she wanted your comfort, out of everyone. ‘’

‘’And yet you came for me.’’

‘’She asked for you.’’ He repeats. ‘’So I brought you. I thought it will help but – but she’s just as – you did not change anything.’’

Nesta is positive she has never heard Rhysand sound quite so lost, stumbling on words and actions, his hands shaking on the railing and darkness gathering around him like a misty cloak.

He looks so desperate. I guess that’s what a few decades when there is no hurt that cannot be soothed with a kiss does to you.

She has forgotten – how depended both of them were on a bond to fix everything, how seamlessly they adjusted to being mated, how easily they got used to acting as one person rather than two. No wonder Rhys doesn’t know what to do now.

She has forgotten how it all operated in Velaris, did her own damn best to banish Feyre from her thoughts. Had to do this, just to heal, to live, to figure out how to be happy on her own, how to be her own person, how to love Cassian, how to allow him to love her.

But she is standing now. Because Feyre sent for her because Feyre is hurting and nobody has the strength to tell Rhys what needs to be done.

Nobody but the resident bitch of the family.

‘’Rhysand. You have to let her see the baby.’’

It’s like a punch; the sheer torrent of power exploding from his body at her solemn words. But Nesta is not afraid of him nor she has ever been. She stands her ground; raises her chin up and turns herself into a pillar of steel.

‘’It’s not your business.’’ He grits through clenched teeth.

‘’Oh, it very much is.’’ She keeps her voice calm, keeps her breath even. ‘’ Why would you take him from her? She needs to see him- listen to me! If you don’t let her see him, she will never quite come to terms with it.’’

‘’How can you – it will only make her suffer more.’’

Out of sight, out of mind.

‘’No.’’ she steps closer; close enough to see how his eyes widen when she grabs his hand and squeezes it. ‘’She has carried this baby and gave birth to it and never got to hear it cry. Let her hold him, let her say goodbye, for Cauldron’s sake.’’

Rhysand blinks at her as if he did not understand the language she speaks in.

‘’Rhysand. You two will be okay. In a decade or so she will be pregnant again and this time, the baby will live. And it all will be just one shadow during an otherwise perfectly sunny day. You know that. Elain-‘’

‘’Don’t talk to me about Elain!’’

He wrenches his hand from her grip, stumbling on his own feet.

‘’Elain didn’t predict – this.’’

Nesta inhales deeply.

‘’Right vision. Wrong time. ’’

‘’Go ahead and tell Feyre that then. Tell her she should not grieve now, just because she will someday have another baby – go ahead, do that, and I will gladly throw you out myself.’’

‘’You don’t understand.’’ She suppresses Cassian’s anxiousness swimming inside her gut. It’s not your fight, love. It’s not your battle. ‘’Rhys- Rhys, I know you want to protect her, but you have to let her go through this. You need to let her feel this pain. You can’t shield her from this, not anymore.’’

For Nesta knows – and deep, deep down she suspects Rhysand knows her too – that Feyre is strong enough to go through this fire. Strong enough to bloom again, her courageous sister who needs trials and challenges much like Nesta herself does, who will grow from this pain like a tree sprouting fresh leaves after winter.

And maybe it is not about Feyre’s pain, not truly.

For a heartbeat, none of them moves, none of them even breathes. Nesta, back straight and biting the inside of her cheek. Rhysand, avoiding her eyes, his own wild and desperate.

And then he lets out something between a sob and a laugh and collapses down.

‘’I can’t.’’ He whispers with his forehead resting on the metal of the railing, on his knees on the snow and sounding so alien that she can barely believe it’s his voice. Only shreds left from the High Lord she has come to known. All the money, power, glory, all the riches and all the magic and even he cannot bear a burden this heavy. ‘’Mother above forgive me, I cannot do this. I cannot – I cannot bring her the corpse of our son to hold. I can’t. I just can’t-’’

‘’I understand.’’

For Cassian – for Feyre – but mostly for the heart-shattering sadness with which he said our son, caressing every syllable and every vowel, Nesta rests her hand on his trembling shoulder.

‘’You don’t have to do it. I will. I will bring him to you.’’

---------------------------------read more on ao3-----------------------------------------------

#nessian #feysand #archeron sisters #acotar #acowar #acomaf #acofas #acotar fanfiction #nessian fanfiction #feysand fanfiction #nesta archeron #feyre archeron

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