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depressedacadamia · 3 years

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A kiss would be nice

Summary: Magnus develops feelings for his roomate and has no idea what to do; when theres' some serious miscommunication, Alex and Magnus have to solve an obvious problem.

Pairing: Fierrochase

A/N: THIS WAS MY FIRST EVER REQUEST!!!! I swear I'm gonna organise my Masterlist on tumblr coz its a hot mess rn and then I will get a prompt list up. Anyway, I hope this lives up to the expectations of the request- enjoy and comment!

Read on A03 M;List

Magnus liked Alex.

How exactly was he meant to process this?

Yes. Alex was sometimes a girl and other times a boy but what did it make him?

He could remember the moment Alex came floundering into his life, confident about who she was and Magnus could only think about how much he didn't know about himself. It was ridiculous, in his opinion, to think that he fundamentally changed as a person just because he liked someone.

So why did he feel so scared to come to that conclusion that he did in fact like Alex?

“What are you thinking so hard about over there, pretty boy?” Alex asked dryly as he scrolled through his phone while he dangled off the top bunk of their dormitory. Startled, Magnus snapped his head towards Alex and with no game whatsoever stuttered a terrible lie.

“Uh- Uh, nothing.”

“Uhu,” Alex emphasised. “ So that totally wasn't a lie.”

“Yes, Wait, I mean no- wait,” Magnus stuttered out again, his hands beginning to fidget and his palms becoming sweaty.

Alex simply raised an eyebrow before softly sighing and returning to his phone scrolling. He knew that Magnus wasn't the kind to keep secrets in a malicious manner- if he wasn't spilling something, it was because he didn't feel comfortable and Alex knew as well as anyone else that if Magnus was uncomfortable, nothing was spilling from his lips.

Clenching his fists in finality, Magnus got up, accidentally banging the top of his head on the top bunk above him where Alex was elegantly dangling off, his hair defying the laws of gravity by maintaining its rightful position on his head. He rubbed his head, swore under his breath and continued to make a bashful exit from the dorm room.

Alex could tell that something was definitely up.

Sure, Magnus was weird- he sometimes came back home at incredibly odd hours, always seemed relatively silent when one were to ask him where he had been and he almost always wore his lengthy blonde hair in a way that covered the majority of his face; in fact, Alex had thought about tilting his chin up just so he could get a better view of his elegant features.

So what exactly was it causing his roommate to act so oddly?

Magnus was in the bathroom. In fact he was hiding out in one of the stalls, trying his best to avud Alex at all costs. What had started out as a way to skip the horribly boring parts of his classes, now became a full blown ritual in which he would run away to his favourite bathroom stall- the one by the very end, next to the hand blow dryers, were his favourite but also alarmed him because it was there where he could hear whether anybody really washed their hands and there was an alarming amount of evidence which contradicted so.

He would take a book or sometimes just plug in his earphones to listen to music as he essentially hid out in the stall. Sometimes, when he felt a bit more confident- and knew Alex would be off campus- Magnus would hide out in the library; a much more comfortable and all round better smelling place to read, study and or listen to music.

But now as he slowly emerged from the stall after hours of sitting, heading back towards his room, Magnus could only feel this inevitable feeling of impending doom. He had managed to distract himself from the Alex situation for so long and now, he was about to crumble.

It was only a matter of time.

“Magnus?” A familiar and - dare I even say- dreaded voice asked him.

Glancing through the blonde locks of hair which curtained his face, he caught a glimpse of familiar green hair which he had been avoiding.

“Huh?” He managed to mumble.

Alex frowned. “Don’t ‘huh’ me. Where have you been? I’ve been calling you all day.”

Magnus’s eyes widened- he had left his phone on silent as he didnt want to deal with others. “I-you did? Sorry.”

“That doesn't matter now. Where have you bee- actually nevermind that as well, come on, we need to get back, it’s already late and I know you have an early class tomorrow.”

Magnus hesitated.

Alex noticed. He refused to stay silent about the matter any longer.

“Okay. Spit it out. “

“What!” Magnus stammered. “ Spi- spit what? Spit wh- what out exactly?”

“The reason you’ve been avoiding me? Did I forget to do my chores or something? Or did I accidentally make some sort of mess of your stuff?”

“No- No, of course not!”

“So?”

Magnus found himself too enamoured with Alex’s features to respond. He could feel the bubble bath slowly overflowing inside his mind. What did it mean if he liked Alex? Was he now a completely different person? What did it matter if he liked Alex?

Wasn't he just like everybody else?

But Magnus’ mind told him that it was so obvious that Alex was in fact not like everybody else, otherwise why was it Alex whom he couldn’t keep his eyes off of? If Alex was so like everyone else, why was it his eyes that Magnus always wanted to stare at, why was it Alex’s hair that Magnus always wanted to ruffle or Alex’s hand that he always wanted to hold?

Why was it always Alex whom he wanted to hug when he was having a bad day?

So when he looked back at Alex, he felt the overwhelming need to throw himself and wrap his arms around Alex so tightly that Alex would have trouble breathing and then - in Magnus’s perfect world- Alex would also wrap his arms around Magnus and they would hold each other in their arms and stand their leaning on each other.

“Nothing,” Magnmus mumbled as he came back to reality.

He walked past Alex, eager to get back to their dorm and just sleep his feelings away- something he was used to doing thanks to his years of being homeless. He wasn’t about to escape when a slender hand wrapped itself around his wrist and dragged him backwards.

“No.” Alex huffed almost angrily. “You’re not running away from me,not again.”

Magnus could have sworn- looking back- that he may have let out a squeak.

“You are avoiding me Mister and I’d like to know why. It’s bad enough that you spend all your time hiding in the bathroom stalls, it’s even worse that you're doing it to avoid someone as fabulous as myself. So if we could quickly get this over with, It would be greatly appreciated and I’m sure it would relieve your nostrils as well.”

“I-”

“You…?”Alex prompted.

“Ilikeyou.”

Alex paused, scrunched up his nose before raising an eyebrow in ridicule and letting out a laugh. And while Magnus truly believed there was nothing more beautiful than Alex’s smile, right now, it was the most damning thing he had ever seen.

Of course Alex would be laughing! Who wouldn't be laughing if some weedy, shady blond kid confessed their feelings for them in the most pathetic way possible!

Magnus had no other choice but to clench his fists to resist the burning sensation gathering in his eyes as he turned on his heel and hurried back to his dorm.

He was curled up on his bed, binging criminal minds on his laptop because what else was meant to comfort you after getting rejected if it wasn’t watching people getting brutally murdered by psychopaths and sadists?

He was wrapped with this specific episode- involving a bunch of very explicit murder- when Alex snatched his headphones right off his head plopped himself in the computer chair that rested right next to the bottom bunk where Magnus had been hiding out.

He could feel himself paling as he remembered that he lived with Alex.

“We need to talk.”

What? He was so sick of Alex making every decision, afterall- it was Alex who chose to laugh at him.

“We have nothing to talk about,” Magnus managed to snap back.

“Why do you keep avoiding me? First in our own dorm, then in public and now you don't even want to look at me.”

“I’m sorry,” He retorted, his words coated with so much sarcasm, had there been anymore, he may have become Samirah at that very moment. “Was I expected to hang around after being ridiculed?”

“Ridiculed? What do you mea-”

“-What do I mean? I guess you wouldnt understand what it feels like for someone whom you really really like to outright just laugh at you after confessing. I guess you don't know how- how nerve racking and horrible it is to not feel comfortable and safe wherever you go. I guess you were privileged enough to not deal with doubting yourself with every decision you make and every thought you have!”

Alex started. “I-”

“-No. I’m not finished. Do you know how that made me feel?” Magnus was on a roll. “ Like shit. I felt shitty. I felt like shit and I was curled up like a bratty 5 year old and do you know what I’ve realised? I’ve realised that I have nob reason to feel shitty because I'm not the one who was so insecure in myself that I laughed at someone else who was struggling, esepcially when I rejected a hot piece of ass such as myself!” He finished his ramble with a shout, his chest heaving, cheeks flushed and somehow, his hair messy.

“So,” Alex drawled causally. “ Am I allowed to speak now?”

“No.”

Rolling his eyes, Alex sooke anyway. “ I’m sorry that you feel this way and I guess I can't change that I was the person who made you feel like- well, shit, but I have to say Beantown, you really shouldn't assume things so quickly.”

Magnus frowned, turning his shiny, glossy eyes towards Alex finally. “Huh?”

“Well. If you were to give me a chance to explain, I’d be able to tell you that I laughed because I thought you looked adorable. I would be able to tell you that I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings in any way and I’m very sorry if I did and…”

Alex held Magnus’ chin, pulling his head a bit down so he was able to fully look him in the eye rather than just looking away under Magnus’ chin, forcing him to look him in the eye.

“And…?” Magnus whispered hesitantly, almost afraid of the answer.

“And, I would be able to tell you that I like you.” Alex smiled dopily.

Did Magnus hear that correctly? Did Alex Fierro- the most confident, and in Magnus’s eyes, the most attractive person out there just admit to liking the scraggly kid who used to live on the streets?

“Excuse me?”

Aex sighed. “I said that I like you and your … What was it you said?” He paused for dramatic effect because lighting up his eyes. “ Oh yes and your ‘hot piece of ass’ I believe it was.”

Magnus cringed at his previous words as he started at Alex. Alex fierro liked him!

“What?” Alex smirked on noticing Magnus’s innocent stare.

“Can I try something?” Magnus tilted his head to the side innocently. Alex nodded.

Yes, please do try something, A kiss would be nice.

But to Alex’s surprise, he felt Magnus’s arms being wrapped around his body. It was an odd sensation that at first made Alex want to reel backwards.

But then this familiar ignition in his stomach tugged him back to wrap his arms back around Magnus and bury his face in Magnus’s chest, just about reaching his collarbone.

The hug was brief. Perhaps not even longer than 15 seconds at a maximum, but it was enough for Magnus to feel better.

Alex decided that perhaps next time Magnus would kiss him.

Super cool people Taglist: @wisegirl773 @ddepressedbookworm

#Magnus chase #Alex fierro #fierrochase #Magnus x Alex #Alex x Magnus #Magnus chase fluff #fierrochase fluf #fierrochase angst #Magnus chase angst #Alex fierro fluff #Alex fierro angst #I think I’ll write a part 2 #mcaga #mcaga fanfic #mcaga fluff #requests #phi phi’s requests!#send me requests!

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kierancampire · 3 years

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Hey, i know this is most likely gonna be super long, and I'm sorry about that, but i hope at least one person reads it, no pressue to if it's too long/if you just don't have the capacity, i get it. Just, yeah, whether it's pride for me, or what i really hope, maybe inspiration/a positive feeling in you, i hope you can connect with it in some way, understand it. So i hope someone reads it

I also just want to say, as much as i share online, there are certain things that i actually really struggle talking about, much less share to many people. So this is quite difficult for me as it is opening up about something incredibly sensitive to me

I was walking to the doctors today, and i was going down the big hill that leads to it, but, this is so important but impossible to describe. I was suddenly hit with this feeling, and with it came a million thoughts, my brain usually runs a mile a minute anyway, but this was like nothing i have ever experienced. It was my entire life just flashing before me, and just this feeling of "Damn, I'm really here"

I think i was blessed with an oppurtunity that i hated at first, something that left me distraught and that i thought was hell on Earth, and that is that i am now currently living just down the road from where i grew up with my violent and neglectful dad. Being in this place again, a place where i knew only fear and pain, a place i saw from somewhere so low down, a childs view, of this big scary place, where i was hurt in many ways. I hated being here again

But while walking to the doctors, walking down the road that drove me to/from my dads place, a road i despised, a road i feared, because that road was my doom. I almost felt elated. Do you wanna know why? Because i was there again.

I suddenly remembered what it felt like being that scared boy, i remember all the tears that i shed, the times i screamed, the times i hid. I remembered losing everyone in school, the bullying i went through, the pain of rejection, and that painful journey of discovering who i am. I remembered the fear of college, the way i was mocked, how my mental health really started declining then, my first major panic attack. I thought about losing family, then living with my best friend, how i lost so much, how i was put through so much, how i was hurt so much. I thought about how twice in one year i was homeless, how i lost everything, the only security in life, how i lost my reason to be, the thing that always protected me, and what started that incredibly scary journey of doing things by myself. I thought about all my ex's, who took so much from me, who hurt me in ways i didn't know was possible, and in ways that so many people don't know about. I thought about everything i have gone through while living here, all the struggles, the pain, the challenges i have had to over come, living through a pandemic. And i felt elated. Do you want to know why? Because i was fucking there.

No longer was i this small, scared little boy, trapped in a car, knowing only pain and neglect in life, so desperately wanting out of a situation but not knowing how. No. This situation that i once hated, that forced me back into this trauma, i am grateful for it. Because that same road that i was trapped going down every weekend, that road i hated. I was now walking down it, of my own free will, with my head up, actually walking with my head up, something i couldn't do a few years ago. Wearing clothes that i bought, for myself, that make me feel good, not caring if people looked at me because i thought damn are they lucky to. Walking to the doctors, to manage my medication that i have routinely been taking for years, i am actually consistently looking after myself, eating well, maybe too well sometimes, showering every day, brushing my teeth twice a day, actually getting up and going to the toilet, drinking, looking after me. But do you want to know what made me feel the best? It was thinking how i am currently in the process of finding my own flat, my own property, my own home, after living in and maintaining a temporary one fucking immaculately, for 2 years, how i am really doing this, i am getting my own space, my own place to live, and I am doing that, ME, for ME.

I saw myself, this scared boy, trapped in a car, on a road he hated, going to a home full of fear and pain, feeling trapped. But then i felt me now, an adult with his head up high, seeing a road as a road, currently getting his own home, and just knowing that if i could get into that car with that scared boy, and tell him one day, he will walk down that road getting ready to live in his own home, that is all that boy would need to hear.

Obviously, there are things i am scared of, there are many things that could still go wrong, there is a lot of fear, i may not have the pride of saying i did this all while working, or with a massive support network and loads of people in my life. But do you know what, for that brief moment where i walked down that road, and thought about how much i have endured, how much i have survived, how much i have gone through, but the fact that i am still fucking here. That is what i need to remember. Do you know, recently i have referred to a certain, somewhat recent time as one of my darkest points in life, and i am glad i get to refer to it as that, because it no longer is. I don't tell myself this probably anywhere near as much as i should, but Kieran, no matter what happens in the future, you have endured so much, you have been through so much, but you made it, you've done so much of it alone, but you did it, and you are fucking amazing, let yourself know how incredible you are. You know who matters to you most, and you know how proud of you he'd be, so remember him, and remember that. I hated this situation at first, but it truly has let me see how far i have come

#personal #Mine #Happy #Progress #Journey #My journey #Mental health #Mental awareness #My progress #Pride

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another-sonic-blog · 4 years

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Who You Are

A/N: I wrote this a long time ago and I am republishing it again (Not reblogging because I couldn’t find the original post lol) because I am actually thinking of writing a whole story out of this one shot. I enjoyed very much writing this and I love the concept! So, if people want a story or just a small continuation of this let me know!

4K200

There was nothing but darkness for her. It had always been the same, always hiding, on the low, pretending she didn't exist. She wasn't supposed to anyway. She was terrified at first at the thought to have to communicate with them...the humans. The five years she has being conscious, she had discovered how horrible of a race they are. They destroy, kill each other, colonize and enslaved. The more she thought about it, the more she wonders what was going through her head and Sonic's when they said they really wanted to visit the Earth.

"Amy, I am here!"

Amy stood up from her 'bed', it wasn't actually one. It was just a mattress that she had found in the trash. She had built up her own home. Made out of wood and nails, very simple and small. Through the years she had begun to collect things from the trash and shelters. She made sure to wash them well in the river that was next to her house. Of course, she didn't do it alone. Someone helped her in her journey.

"Shadow, I have told you before...I don't need food to survive."

"You know I don't mind, I get paid a lot and honestly I don't know what to do with the money,"Shadow said as he placed the grocery bags on the floor. He walked closer to her as he gave her a smile. Shadow was probably the only living thing on this planet that Amy had communication with. It wasn't like she began the conversation either, Shadow was too pure and helped anyone he could. If it was for him, he would invite every homeless person to live in his home.

"Thank you."

"You know you can come live with me whenever you want ... I sometimes worry about you being alone in the woods you know," Shadow sat down on the pink sofa, inviting Amy to do so as well. "I can take care of myself ... and please stop giving me things. I don't really have much space and I already make enough money for myself."

"Yeah, I noticed. Every flower shop in town is closing because of you. Everyone now wants 'Amy Rose's flowers', you could start your own brand." The four years Shadow had known Amy, she had never told him about her past. It's not like it matters to him, but curiosity was always on his side. Amy wasn't only good at gardening flowers, but she knew about all of them. Where they grow, the exact temperature they need and just by looking at the seed, she could tell what flower it was. She was beyond smart, which sadden Shadow as well. The first time he met her, he found her 'stealing' his mattress that he had left in the trash outside his apartment.

. . .

"Hey, do you need help with that?" It was around three in the morning, it was snowing outside and Shadow heard his metal trash cans falling down. That's when he noticed a pink hedgehog. In all of his 17 years leaving on this planet and exploring it, he had never seen a pink hedgehog. The pink one seems not to care about his presence and continued to drag the mattress through the snow.

"I can bring it to your house if that's what you want. I can also...ummm-",Shadow looked quickly at her clothing. A short sleeveless red dress. He was really surprised at the fact that she hasn't frozen to death. "Let me give you some warm clothes." He finished. However, the pink hedgehog pretended he wasn't there. He was fast to stop her, holding her hand and he felt how the pink hedgehog flinches at the action.

"What's your name?," he looked directly at her green eyes. Shadow had to admit that she had the most beautiful green eyes he had ever seen, similar to the Chaos Emeralds.

"... Amy", the pink hedgehog said quietly, hoping that the black hedgehog would go away if she accepted his request.

"Amy, that's a pretty name ... what about your last name?", Shadow was glad that there was some progress made. He wanted to get her into a warm place. Her hands were freezing and he held them tightly to make sure they get warm.

"... I don't have a one."

"Oh ... well," Shadow looked away and he found a pink rose blooming although the snow was covering most of it. The rose was still beautiful and strong even if the circumstances were difficult. Just like Amy.

"Well, what about Rose?... Amy Rose."

. . .

"Anyways, shouldn't you be chasing Rouge or something?," Amy questioned which at hearing the word 'Rouge' Shadow was taken back by reality.

"I was but she escaped away from me!" Amy saw a combination of amusement and excitement in his face. She didn't want to admit it but it was good to see this side of Shadow.

"Well, maybe in you stopped chasing her, she may take an interest in you."

"What is worst is that I always see her with that red echidna ... and he is slow like ... I am the fastest thing alive! What does she see in him?"

"Fastest thing alive, uh? I used to know someone who could rival you."

This peaked Shadow's interest. Amy had never told him about people she had met before and as far as he knows, the closest thing Amy has to a friend is him and Rouge.

"Oh really? Who was this person?"

"He was ... a blue hedgehog."

"What was his name-", Shadow stopped himself as he saw that Amy's expression had changed. She had a sad look on her eyes, well she always had but right now her expression was utterly unspeakable. She seemed lost, infuriated, and disappointed. Shadow never wanted to see her like that again.

"Agent Shadow."

Shadow's good mood was brought back by hearing his lover's voice. He quickly looked at the communicator on his wrist and smiled while talking. "Yes, sweetheart?"

"Right now it's not the time...we are under attack ... by some black looking creatures ... the whole city... it's under attack right now... Shadow... they want the Chaos Emeralds. You need to come to G.U.N's HQ right now!"

"I am on my way!" Shadow ended the communication and stood quickly from the sofa. As he was doing so, he grabbed Amy's wrist. Pulling her to the door with him.

"Let's go, Amy. You are coming with me to the Head-Quarters. It would be too dangerous if you stay alone here."

"Shadow, its ok I-"

"Amy, I am only asking this favor of you ... please ... I had never heard Rouge so preoccupied before ... this must be really serious," Shadow opened the door and the only thing Amy could do was to nod her head in defeat.

. . .

"Alright Amy, you wait outside," Shadow said as he saw others G.U.N members enter the Conference Room. The Commander of G.U.N stared at Shadow as if to tell him to hurry up and get inside. Amy nodded quickly as she didn't want to put Shadow in any more trouble. They closed the door behind her and although the walls and door were soundproof, Amy was still able to hear clearly what they were talking about. She knew she wasn't supposed to but she was really curious as well.

"I am going to be honest with you agents," the Commander began to speak. "We can't win this invasion." The agents were all now proposing ideas, questioning themselves and everyone could feel the panic arise between them.

"Calm down ... their master was clear during his message. He wants all Chaos Emeralds ... He promised to leave once he has them."

"If we do that then we will put all the Universe in danger ... We don't even know if they will keep their promise!" An agent said as he raised his hand. "There has to be another way to defeat them."

"Their skin cannot be pierced by bullets. They regenerate at an incredibly fast speed. All chemicals used against them had made no damage so far. Our city is being destroyed, our soldiers and innocent people are dying as we speak right now. I am aware that giving the Chaos Emeralds to 'Black Doom' is not the best idea but-"

"That's it!"

Amy heard Shadow exclaim from the inside of the room interrupting the Commander. "Why don't we use the Chaos Emeralds to defeat them?"

"Agent Shadow, even if we were able to understand how to use the Chaos Emeralds, a simple human nor Mobian is able to control the great power that contains it. The only one who may be able to do so was The Ultimate Life Form ... and he died years ago," The Commander responded simply trying to end the discussion but this peaked Shadow interest even more.

"... Ultimate ... Life Form?"

"You weren't here yet when G.U.N was instructed to capture him," a human agent added as she noticed Shadow's interest in the topic. "The government thought that the Ultimate Life Form could be a potential threat for the world. So they asked us to capture him. However, things got complicated along the way ... and we were instructed to kill him."

Shadow was shocked at this. He was aware that sometimes G.U.N was difficult to handle, but killing someone or something was not really in their protocol. Or at least that's how was it when he entered to work. "Rogue, did you know about-" Shadow wanted to ask his love interest but stopped as he saw Rouge's face change suddenly. She had a melancholic face as if she didn't want to remember. She didn't want to, her face showed one of horror, terror, and Shadow was petrified by it.

"I'll never forget his face," said Rouge "... that blue hedgehog."

BAAM!

Everyone stood up from their seats, pulling their guns out, pointing at the small pink hedgehog in front of them. They didn't know how it happened. Their eyes couldn't process how fast she was to grab the Commander's gun and point it right at him. Everyone stood still waiting for the pink hedgehog to show some type of action.

"So it was you who did it ... five years ago in the ARK. Rouge you killed him," Amy was trying to contain the tears and speak clearly. Already feeling betrayed and hurt, she didn't know what she was capable of or if she will regret the decisions she was about to take.

"Amy, put that gun down-"

"Say it ... SAY IT!," Amy interrupted Rouge, she didn't care about anything else but to hear the words come out of her lips.

"Amy, stop this," Shadow still couldn't process the whole situation. He was worried about the Commander and he didn't want the other Agents to hurt Amy. One single mistake and she could be done for.

"Amy, what's going on? Why you care so much?" Rouge felt like a panic attack could strike at any second now. The last thing she thought she would be doing today was pointing a gun at Amy's head.

"SAY IT! SAY THAT YOU SHOT AND KILLED THE ULTIMATE LIFE FORM! SONIC THE HED-"

"YES, YES I DID!"

Rouge finally admitted it and the whole room kept quiet. Amy had finally let a tear slide, still processing the whole concept of her reality. Rouge continued, finally breaking down.

"It's not like I wanted to... I didn't want to but the Commander order me to do so! I was young, stupid and I really needed the money. So Amy, please ... I don't know why this is so important to you but-"

"So, it was this bastard's fault ..." Amy made more pressure against the Commander's neck, already thinking about the unspeakable. "No, the Commander who gave us the order died last year," the female Agent who told the story before responded to Amy. "Is that true?," Amy inquire, looking directly at her.

"You can look at the files if you want."

"... All of this time wasted ... I could have avenge Sonic's death but instead I focused on being miserable," Amy said as she dropped the gun and step aside from the Commander. The other agents still having their guns pointed at her.

"Should we arrest the pink hedge-"

"But you know ... I am also glad that this is happening. Now I don't have to get my hands dirty... No, I am going to enjoy watching all of you die. Because all of you were stupid enough to kill someone innocent and failed to actually capture the Ultimate Life Form ..." Amy looked at each and every one of them in the eyes. Her attitude was a strange one and at this point, they knew that she had more information than they thought.

"Amy ... What do you mean?" Shadow asked her, as he puts his gun down as well.

"I was there five years ago ... Sonic wasn't the Ultimate Life Form. He was in charge of the protection of it ... The Ultimate Life Form is still alive."

"You must tell us who is it then! If he is still alive, he can help us defeat the Black Arms!" The Commander order Amy, he pointed his gun right at her forehead touching it forcefully. However, Amy just stayed quiet, looking directly at the Commander's eyes.

"WHO IS IT?!"

"ITS ME!"

Amy yelled and she quickly punches the Commander in the face. She could hear gunshots being shot at her. In all honesty, she couldn't feel anything, She just saw how the agents kept shooting at her, all of them in awe. The only ones who just stood still was Rouge, who seemed to have hit a breaking point and Shadow who still couldn't process the whole idea. Bullets ricocheting off her body, Amy just waited for the shots to stop and when they did, she could only appreciate the faces of the agents, totally in shock.

"Good luck saving the world."

With nothing more to say, Amy Rose, the Ultimate Life Form walked away.

. . .

"I knew you will be here!"

Amy turned around and saw Shadow smiling down to her. "What are you doing here?" Amy added as she looks down to the ocean. Right now she was sitting on top of a cliff. At the bottom, the waves crashed against the rocks.

"I wanted to make sure you were alright."

"I am, so you can leave now."

"I don't really have much to do right now." Shadow said as he sat down next to Amy. Letting his feet hang on the cliff, he looked down and quickly regretted it. It was a very tall cliff after all and falling down will mean death. A few seconds passed and none of them talked. Shadow knew he didn't have much time and decided to get right at it.

"Amy-"

"I won't help them Shadow ... If you want to stay alive, I recommend you stay by my side," Amy said, still not looking at Shadow in the eyes. For some reason, a deep sense of sadness overtook her the moment Shadow brought up the topic. Shadow really hoped his next words could reach to her.

"Amy ... I know that people fight over the most trivial things. Some people may be selfish. But they're basically good. If they try their best and never give up on their wishes ... They always have a reason to be happy. That's why you should help them out! Saving them is a good thing! Amy, I beg you, please do it for them, give them a chance."

"Give them a chance"

"Give them a chance, Amy," Sonic look outside the window from the Ark where Amy and he could see the whole blue planet at its best.

"Give them a chance? They kill each other ... there's nothing to give a chance to," Amy never really understood why Sonic was always so interested in the blue planet. For her, the Earth was just filled with destruction.

"I know that the Earth may not be the perfect planet but .. .there's people and Mobians down there who are worth fighting for. Everything has a balance and just like there's bad, there's good. Earth is not the exception and besides ... I love running in their amazing land fields and looking at endless oceans ... and its blue just like me!" Sonic said smiling in which Amy laughed a little bit at his remark.

"But in all honesty, Amy ... Never forget who you are ...because that will be your reason to live." said Sonic. "Never forget who you are."

"Shadow?"

Shadow was glad that after a minute of Amy not responding, he finally heard his name. "Ye-yes?", Shadow got a bit scare and amazed. He had never seen so much determination on someone's eyes. Amy turned around and looked at him. If looks could kill, Shadow would have been dead long ago.

"Give me the Chaos Emeralds."

. . . . . . .

Can you feel life movin' through your mind? Ooooh, looks like it came back for more, yeah, yeah, yeah! Can you feel time slippin' down your spine? Ooooh, you try and try to ignore, yeah!

Amy walked slowly through the city. Only the 'clicks' and 'clacks' of the Chaos Emeralds hitting each other in her bag could be heard. Watching the buildings of the city burn slowly into the flames. Cars destroyed and in flames, some still intact. Shadow watching from afar in one of those. Trying to see if he could help Amy in anyway. Scared at the fact that Amy told him that she had actually never used the Chaos Emeralds before.

But you can hardly swallow Your fears and pain When you can't help but follow It puts you right back where you came

Amy saw 'Black Arms' approaching her. They all seem like formidable fighters. Fast, strong and smart. She could hear soldiers try to shoot at them, just for the aliens to not be affected by them at all. Not a scratch nor pain they showed. Amy began to really wonder if she was capable of defeating them all. But, she had no other choice. She had to do it, for her, for Sonic ... for Shadow.

(Live and learn!) Hanging on the edge of tomorrow (Live and learn!) From the works of yesterday (Live and learn!) If you beg or if you borrow (Live and learn!) You may never find your way

Amy ran towards them, jumping from car to car to confuse her enemies. She delivers her first punch to the black creature. It ended up crashing against a car, making it explode. She didn't have enough time, and as more Black Arms approached her, the faster she will get. Kick after kick, punch after punch. She was successfully hitting them but that still didn't make any effect on them.

Can you feel life tangle you up inside? Yeah, now you're face down on the floor, oh!

More and more, probably the whole unite in the ship began to approach her. She knew they were detecting the Chaos Emeralds that were in her bag. She began to panic, she had never felt so anxious before. Her mind became full of doubts and she stopped fighting. She felt down to the ground, feeling how the Black Arms tried to get the Chaos Emeralds. She hugged the bag with all of her might, feeling the kicking and punching of the black creatures.

"Is the Ultimate Life Form ready to give up?"

"Sonic ... I am sorry." Amy whispered to herself.

"Amy ... never forget who you are."

But you can't save your sorrow You've paid in trade When you can't help but follow It puts you right back where you came

Shadow was about to jump to try and save Amy. However, he stops mid-track seeing how a golden light breached through into the sky. All the Black Arms backing away and some falling to the ground, blinded by the strong light source. Some began to run away and Shadow fell to his knees. Not only impressed but shocked at the immeasurable energy radiating in the air. Watching Amy floating in the air, looking deeply at her now red eyes; Shadow convinced himself that Amy wasn't the Ultimate Life Form ... But she was a golden goddess.

(Live and learn!) Hanging on the edge of tomorrow (Live and learn!) From the works of yesterday (Live and learn!) If you beg or if you borrow (Live and learn!) You may never find your way

There was no stopping her now. She was fast, strong, her body moved on its own. Attacking, teletransporting, throwing energy blasts, spears. Everything came to her like magic. Like the whole world was at her disposal ... and it was. Her attacks were working, the black creatures no longer stood from the ground. She knew that their bones were broken enough. Her enemies were running away in fear now.

There's a face searching far, so far and wide There's a place where you dream you'd never find Hold on to what if, Hold on to what if!

"Never forget who you are"

Amy began to fly around the Black Arms, making sure they will run in fear. Never had she felt this sure, this confident. She was going to let the Universe know who she was:

"I am Amy Rose. I am the union of ideals dark and benign but ultimately built in the name of love. I am the Ultimate Life Form. I am the protector of Mobius. Run home to your master and tell him. This is who I am."

(Live and learn!) Hanging on the edge of tomorrow (Live and learn!) From the works of yesterday (Live and learn!) If you beg or if you borrow (Live and learn!) You may never find your way

Amy watched how the Black Arms and its ship took off and disappeared in less than an hour. An hour in which Shadow still couldn't process at how amazing Amy was ... and also a bit terrified. After more soldiers and firefighters came into the city to star the reconstruction right away, Amy went directly towards Shadow.

"I guess this is goodbye," Amy said as she looked up to the clear sky.

"Wait, what?," Shadow asked, panicking a bit.

"I am moving," Amy said as she let go of the Chaos Power running through her body, making her go back to normal.

"Where? I'll go with you," Shadow said almost screaming.

"I am moving ... somewhere in the Universe."

"What?"

"The Black Arms know that all seven Chaos Emeralds are here, they will come back again ... and next time with a whole army. I need to go and find a suitable place to hide each Chaos Emerald."

"How are you going do that? You need all seven Chaos Emeralds to transform."

"I am going to be taking the ARK. It hasn't been used for a while, but I know I can make it work," Amy reassured him. "I'll still go with you," Shadow was determined to let Amy know that no matter what, he was going with her. Whether she liked it or not.

"You can't come with me is dangerous ... I can't put in risk the hedgehog I care for the most."

Shadow suddenly felt his cheeks go red at her comment and shyly looked down to the ground. "Besides if you go with me who is going to chase Rouge?" Amy smiled a little.

"I'll ... I'll stop chasing after her."

"Really? For me?"

"Amy ... it doesn't matter where in the Universe you are ... I'll chase after you! Besides, don't you remember? A couple of hours ago you told me that if I wanted to stay alive I should stay with you so-" Shadow began to mumble and fast. Amy knew that he was nervous at this point and she didn't want to make him feel that way.

"Shadow ... thank you."

Shadow stopped looking at the ground and looked directly at her eyes. His heartbeat was racing faster and faster, he thought that he was going to explode due to all the emotions going through his body. The sun was shining on Amy. Although she was a bit dusty and scratched, Shadow thought that Amy was the most beautiful hedgehog in this world. There was nothing going through his head, only her, her eyes, her pure smile ... just Amy. That's when he knew.

"... Catch me if you can."

At that, Amy Chaos Control herself out of there. Shadow smiled as he looked up to the sky knowing exactly where Amy will be. And although he may not know where she was going, he knew for a fact that they will meet each other once again. He will chase for her ... until end of the universe.

(Live and learn!) Hanging on the edge of tomorrow (Live and learn!) From the works of yesterday (Live and learn!) If you beg or if you borrow (Live and learn!) You may never find your way

. . . . . . .

A/N: 4K words...wow. I hope this is somewhat what you wanted. This was such a good story to write and honestly inspired me to write a new story. One in which Amy travels through the Universe fighting, trying to look for a mighty weapons (her hammer) hiding the Chaos Emeralds. And of course, Shadow chasing after her along the way, trying to make her fall in love with him. (Still, don't know if I should do it tho lol) I am so sorry if this doesn't have a lot of romance or if this is not what you wanted. I can always re-write if you want lol. Honestly, thank you so much for this beautiful prompt.

#shadow and amy #Shadamy #shadowxamy #shadow the hedgehog #shadamy au #shadamy fanfiction #shadow x amy #shadow #amy #amyrose #Amy Rose #sonic the hedgehog #sonic fanfiction #sonic fanfic #sonic au

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therainroguefanfiction · 4 years

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🎃 Frightful October Act III, #8 ~ What I Want (Wonho / Hoseok Lee)

📑 Table of Contents

Genre: Crossover, AU, Angst, Fluff, Romance, Supernatural, Halloween, Autumn

Word Count: 2,327

Pairing: Reader x Hoseok

World: Monsta X feat. Supernatural

───── ⋆⋅🎃⋅⋆ ─────

Your eyes fluttered open and you took in your surroundings. It was dark, the only light coming from a small window near the tall ceiling. You could hear drops of water hitting the ground every few seconds and the smell of mold and dried up blood made your stomach turn. The room was large, the walls made of metal. It was empty, aside from a large piece of machinery behind you and chains hanging from the ceiling.

You struggled against the thick rope binding you to the metal chair, but all it did was constrict tighter around you. Where the hell were you? How in the world had this happened? You let your head fall back, closing your eyes.

TWO DAYS EARLIER

You worked as a waitress at the local diner in town. It wasn’t an ideal job, but your co-workers were friendly and the regular customers were kind. Though it frustrated you sometimes, most days you enjoyed the simplicity of it all. It was mundane, boring, but that’s how you liked it.

The bell on the door chimed and you looked up, greeting the two men that entered. “Welcome! Would you like a booth or a table?”

They answered simultaneously, but their answers were different. “Booth.” “Table.” They glared at each other, seeming to have a silent conversation.

“Um, would you like a minute to -”

The tall one rolled his eyes. “A booth, please.”

The shorter one smirked in triumph, sending you a wink. You chuckled, “Right this way! What can I get you to drink?”

“Water,” the tall one answered.

“Coke.”

“Coming right up!” You scurried back to the counter, grabbing their drinks before returning. “I’ll be back in a few minutes to see if you’re ready to order.” You went around the diner, checking on the customers, refilling drinks and cleaning up the empty tables.

The bell chimed again and you looked up with a smile which faltered only slightly. This one was a regular customer, one that visited every day. He was kind enough, very generous with his tips, but something about him unnerved you. Maybe it was how attractive he was, with his porcelain skin and slim but firm body. He wore all black, the clothes tight and hugging him in all the right places. His slicked-back hair was black at the roots, the length white while the tips were blue. Various piercings decorated his ears and his eyes were dark and mysterious, seeming to carry the knowledge of multiple lifetimes.

“You’re staring,” he chuckled, his voice flowing like silk past his plump lips.

You felt your face burn. “I’m really sorry! Would you like your usual seat?”

“No need to apologize,” he smiled. “The usual is fine.”

The counter allowed for several customers to sit there on stools, letting them watch the waitresses run back and forth while also getting an open view of the kitchen. His seat was near the end of the counter, towards the register.

You didn’t even have to ask him what he wanted. He had been coming to the diner for a year straight, never missing a day, and he ordered the exact same thing every time – chicken breast with white rice and a glass of ice water.

You set the glass down and made the mistake of looking into his eyes. They mesmerized you, making it hard to look away. He stirred the water with his straw, eyes never straying from yours. “How has your day been, Y/N?”

“It’s been good,” you cleared your throat, cursing him for having such an effect on you. “What about yours?”

“Better now that I’m talking to you.”

You tilted your head curiously. He seemed… tired. You chewed on your lip, wondering if you should pry.

“Order up!”

You offered him a smile before grabbing the plate and taking it to its owner. You returned to the two men from earlier. “Ready to order?” You noticed the change in their demeanor pretty quickly. They were far more tense than they had been previously, but what had triggered the change?

“I’ll have the house salad, dressing on the side.”

“The double cheeseburger.”

“Sure, it’ll be up soon,” you scribbled the orders down and headed for the counter, passing the paper on to the chef. You turned around, expecting Hoseok’s eyes to be on you like they were every day, but today was different. He was exchanging heated looks with the two men and it was obvious that there was some serious tension between them. Your brow furrowed in confusion. You had never seen the two men before and you were pretty sure they were from out of town, so how could they have beef with him?

Sensing your concern, Hoseok turned his gaze to you, eyes softening as he sent you a smile. “If you keep scrunching your face up like that, it’s going to freeze.”

You pouted at him, folding your arms. “That’s a myth and you know it.”

He raised a brow, looking shocked. “Is it, though?”

You were silent for a moment, wondering if you should ask him about the men. They were pretty well built, you noticed. Were they troublemakers?

A hand reached out, resting on your cheek which grew warm at the contact. His eyes roped you in, leaving you breathless. “Don’t worry, they won’t be a problem.”

“Who are they?”

He was silent for a moment, “Old acquaintances.”

“Oh…” you glanced at them, their hard stares now focused on you.

“I’m afraid I have to leave early,” he stood up, leaning over the counter towards you. “I promise, you will be safe.”

You wanted to question him, but he was already walking out the door. The two men followed moments later and you couldn’t help but feel worried.

5 HOURS EARLIER

You yawned as you pulled the diner door shut, locking it. The autumn air was cold, making you shiver when a breeze blew past you. It was ten-thirty and the streets were empty save for the homeless and those that had passed out from too much alcohol. Most of your nights were spent closing up and then walking home alone. It was something you did thousands of times before and you never once felt any danger, but that night was different. It felt eerie, like you had just stepped into the plot of a horror flick.

You shivered thinking about Jason jumping out from the darkness or Freddy appearing to tell you that you were having a nightmare. It had been a long, stressful week and you convinced yourself that it was the cause of your current sense of doom. You would soon find out how wrong you were.

You caught movement from the corner of your eye and glanced up. A chevy impala was parked on the side of the road, the short man from earlier leaning against the passenger side door. You assumed he was waiting for his friend, so you didn’t spare him any mind, but when he saw you, he pushed away from the car and offered you a charming smile.

“Hey, finally off work?”

You stopped short, brow furrowed. “Um, yeah. Waiting for your friend?”

“I was waiting for you, actually.”

“What?”

“I’m not going to hurt you, I promise. We just need your help.”

“We?” You swallowed hard, stepping back. Something firm was behind you and you squeaked when the taller of the two put a rag over your mouth and nose. You fought as hard as you could but he was too strong and your world soon went black.

PRESENT TIME

You groaned, feeling annoyance rising within you as you thought back. You wiggled again, feeling the ropes rubbing your wrists raw, but you just wanted to be free of your bonds. Why was this even happening? You didn’t understand. He said he needed your help, but how was being tied to a chair in a metal room helping?

Your blood ran cold. ‘Am I… Am I bait??’

The large metal door flung open, making a loud screeching sound as it did so. A small bit of light entered through the door, the dull yellow of a nearby street light.

Hoseok rushed into the building, his dark eyes searching frantically. They landed on you and he made a relieved sound as he rushed over to you, his rough hands grasping your face as he searched for any wounds.

You noticed the various scratches on his skin and his lip was split, dried blood covering the wound.

When he was convinced that you were uninjured, he breathed out and rested his forehead against yours, eyes sliding closed. “You’re alright… You’re alright…”

“Alright?” You scowled at him, wiggling violently. “I was kidnapped and tied to a chair! What the hell is going on?”

“Calm down, darling,” he tried to calm you down but you refused to listen, still struggling against the bonds. “Y/N!” he raised his voice, your name coming out as a demand. The weight of his tone made your body instantly still, eyes widening. He smiled sadly, rubbing your cheek. “This is all my fault.”

“Look,” you took a deep breath to slow your racing heart. “Get me out of here and then we can talk.”

He nodded, standing up to go behind you. You were pretty sure he didn’t have a knife, but he was able to easily cut through the ropes like it was butter. His eyes told you not to question. You stood up, legs shaking from the long period of inactivity.

“I’ll carry you.”

“No, I’m fine,” you responded, holding up your hand to stop him. Stomping your feet a few times, you felt the familiar pickling as they started to wake up. Your nose scrunched in displeasure, making him chuckle. “This is hardly the time, Hoseok.”

He smiled softly, “Its your fault for being so cute.”

“Don’t believe anything he says!”

You quickly turned around, finding the short man standing in the doorway, green eyes narrowed at Hoseok.

“He’s lying to you, telling you what you want to hear.”

Hoseok scoffed, placing his body between you and the man. “That’s rich coming from you, Winchester. Are you not supposed to save people? Kidnapping an innocent person is hardly noble.”

“No one ever said we were noble. We do what we have to stop monsters like you.”

“Even at the expense of others,” he shook his head. “You truly are your father’s child. Determined to destroy everything non-human no matter who gets hurt in the process!”

“Non-human?” you muttered, furrowing your brow.

The man smirked at you. “He’s a demon.”

Your blood ran cold at the thought and you quickly removed your hand from Hoseok’s back, taking a step away. “Y-You’re crazy…”

“Maybe I am,” he shrugged. “Do you want to take that chance?”

“Darling,” Hoseok’s voice was strained as he tried to hold himself back. “I want you to run and not look back.”

“I -”

“Go!” He commanded, glaring at you over his shoulder.

With fear filling you, you quickly turned and ran in the opposite direction, bursting through a side door and into a narrow hallway. You could hear yelling behind you, the sound of metal and cries of pain. It made you run faster, heart pounding against your ribcage. You were terrified and confused, not knowing what to think or believe. You always knew Hoseok was sinful, but a demon? Did they even exist?

The hallway was long and dark, and you ended up tripping more times than you wanted to admit, but you finally came to a set of double doors. You slammed your weight into them, nearly falling out into the night. The air was cold, the autumn air whipping around your body as you ran.

You don’t know how far you had run, but your legs were burning and it hurt to breathe. You entered a park, falling onto the bench. The cold metal seeped through your pants, making you shiver. The adrenaline was wearing off and you felt exhausted, wanting nothing more than to crawl into bed and pretend this was all just a nightmare.

You felt a body next to yours and you cried out on instinct, nearly falling off the bench. A strong arm wrapped around your waist, pulling you back onto the bench.

“It’s okay, darling,” Hoseok’s soft and comforting voice reached your ears. “You’re safe now.”

“Am I?” you breathed out, closing your eyes. “Are you really…?”

“A demon?” he sighed, releasing his grip on you. “Yes, I am.” Your body tensed and he frowned. “I’m not going to hurt you.”

“How can I trust you?” you tried to keep your voice strong, but even you could hear the fear lacing it.

“I’ve had plenty of chances to harm you,” he answered, his face blank as he met your gaze. “Not to mention I was nearly sent back to hell trying to rescue you.”

“Why… why did you do that?”

He chuckled, running his hand through his hair. “You really are oblivious, aren’t you?”

“Hey!”

“I want you,” his voice was different now, filled with warmth and love that you had never experienced before. His dark eyes were burning.

“Want me for what?”

“Oh my Lucifer,” Hoseok groaned in frustration before grabbing the back of your neck and slamming his lips against your own. You could feel the cut rubbing against your lip and you caught the metallic taste of blood on your tongue. A groan escaped your throat and he smirked, breaking the kiss. “I want you to be mine, Y/N.”

“Oh.”

“Is that really all you have to say?” he deadpanned.

“I’m sorry, it’s not every day a demon tells you that they want you,” you scowled, folding your arms over your chest and turning away from him. He chuckled, wrapping his arms around you and resting his chin on your shoulder.

His lips found the skin under your ear. “Don’t worry, darling, I don’t disappoint.”

───── ⋆⋅🎃⋅⋆ ─────

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aquagenesis · 3 years

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This is by no means a vent post or anything I just need to discuss topics and ideas.

It’s so bizarre how, for most of my life, I did have psychotic tendencies and explicitly schizophrenic symptoms. I would get disoriented on a school bus and want to make a big show of it; storm up to the bus driver in a fit of rage and demand to know where I was being taken. I would ask incoherent, nonsense questions in class that would get me a resounding look of “what the fuck are you talking about”. Friends in particular would always take the time to step in and allow me to re-phrase what I was asking because they would learn to understand sometimes information is jumbled in my head, which I am not aware of.

It happens on here too, though I’ve gotten better at it. What begins as a cohesive argument in my mind eventually spirals into a whirlpool of me repeating the same three things, the same three points, the same three everything while pretending it’s something different. Because I have voices in my head that take over and make it hard to focus. I thought everyone heard voices, because how else do you process information? But for other people, it’s not voices. Not ones they can hear, at least.

The only thing that ever stopped me was, incredibly, what I think my paranoia was. I was too afraid of making a scene because I thought, assuredly, they’d always tell me they were going to kill me. I would stand up to assert myself only to get pulled back down in my own head with “if you cause problems, you will die”. I thought that was survival instinct. I prided myself, in fact, on my survival instincts because of things like that. Because I believed every person who utilized and prided their autonomy was doomed to die for their arrogance. How can you exist so unabashedly in life when you know death is something you cannot hide from and cannot know the origin of? Standing up for yourself is putting yourself in harms way; the lines between “what is paranoia” and “what is formative child abuse” are too blurred for me to even care “which one it is” because they’re both the same.

It’s just knowing I was so schizophrenic. Knowing I was so blatantly delusional; I’d get called delusional all the time because I wasn’t living in reality. My original self was already forced to be so separated from its body because of infant-aged trauma when I felt “normal” it already wasn’t me. Every time I’d stabilize myself in a deeper level of my own psychosis I’d get punched down through another one, like a personal version of Dante’s Inferno.

Of course I developed a dissociative disorder. How else was my psyche supposed to survive losing family members who cared about me, how else was it supposed to survive losing everything. The personality I shifted into to appease my conditions were never good enough; they never protected me enough. It’s so fucked up my brain already had to put me in another reality to cope with not receiving basic physiological needs as an infant and then had to shatter and reform reality after reality because anything was better than living in real life but nothing protected me enough, nothing justified anything enough, nothing could make me feel like I was living how I was meant to.

And then I wonder why I got so deep in it. I wonder why that’s all I knew. It was. Living in delusion was the only thing that kept me from being suicidal, because it made me believe something grand was meant for me at the end of it all. I only broke down because, after everything, after five years of eviction and homelessness, there was still only despair ahead. Now I’m 26. an entire high school education away from 30 but abysmally depressed I had to spend all this time helping myself, and continue to, in the vain hope one thing would ever happen to me to make life worth it.

All I needed was to be pushed into reality, to be shown and taught nothing happened to me in some grand plan. All I needed was a therapist who would listen for long enough in my Anime Tragic Backstory to tell me, “Hey man, that was fucked up, but it’s not like you have to forgive them. You don’t have to be tortured by anything. You can leave other people; you can leave them too.” But therapists are no longer trained to listen to trauma and try to work out anything formative that could have happened to someone. I didn’t know I was schizophrenic. Nobody cared enough to tell me I was unless it was through the “well...you have The Disorder. we have to keep you to make sure your SCARY PSYCHOTIC EPISODE--you’ve seen American Psycho, right?--doesn’t make you do that to yourself or someone else.” lens of “take this medicine and it’ll fix something you don’t think is a problem, because psychosis deludes the brain into thinking it isn’t delusional”.

And there was nothing anyone could have done; my untreated schizophrenia prevented me from being able to work. My delusions would go unchecked, people wouldn’t know I was stretching the truth and neither did I. Through the lens of insanity I doomed coworkers to bitter rivals, others to beloved friends, and still others to unworthy of my respect with nothing in between. My life was a grand path to luxury and respect from the bottom of the earth; who wouldn’t be adored to know me?

I would tell people time and time again I was schizophrenic, I was psychotic, I experienced delusions. I was cast as “the good outcome” of a psychotic condition and my experiences, the only true part of my life, were chalked up to “well there Luke goes with his silly little rants again”. I was abandoned to spiral because I was “okay”; I didn’t experience delusions where I thought I was God (anything remotely attached to that was different, I said it was different), my psychosis never drew me to suicide. Everyone else who claimed they were schizophrenic were automatically compared to me and regarded as “good” or “bad” with no regard to what was swimming around in my brain. If I didn’t have a god complex before (I did, but I said I didn’t, so there’s no blame here), I certainly developed one then.

But I knew I wasn’t someone to be compared to, because I did experience delusions where I thought not that I was God but some higher being, I was drawn to suicide at the drop of a hat. But then I couldn’t admit to those things being so much deeper than they were, because everyone else who experienced these things were “bad” schizophrenics. I was supposed to have this together; I knew I had no right to judge people with my same condition because I knew I was no better than them. If I had a best friend I’d known all my life, I would probably go to them with my ever-wavering mental condition too. That’s what I craved; the ability to tell someone about what was happening to me.

And it’s not like I ever thought I was entitled to people, you know, listening. I never expected anyone to look me in the eyes and tell me “Hey buddy you know you don’t really seem in reality” because if someone said that to me I’d probably freak out and doom them to “Bitter Rival Plus” for the rest of my life. It was the attitude that I was redeemable because of how well I handled everything, the way I never let my symptoms show, the way a one-time freakout seemed more preferable to everyone else but me because “at least he only got that bad once”, as opposed to the risk of smaller breakdowns more often. I lost my ability to realize I had control over myself because the admittedly bad symptoms everyone else experienced, which I did too, never were offered support. I was told a story of a mutual once-friend who threw herself off a roof in the midst of a schizophrenic breakdown. The pitilessness of it all told me I would never find sympathy in admitting my faults.

It’s hard because if it were depression, if it had been depression, this would have been solved eons ago. Anyone can go to a friend and talk through a depression; nobody can go to a friend and talk through a psychotic episode without your companion growing frustrated as you’re unable to grasp reality. Once is fine, twice is annoying, thrice is overwhelming. I can feel it just as anyone. Nobody wants to talk to crazy people.

And what do people think that does, exactly? Do you think your delusional friend can really have a talk once, be told they’re psychotic, and immediately know? How do we have thousands of articles dissecting every aspect of anxiety, from work to generalized, but none to tell the everyman that “psychotic people suffer from a condition that prevents them from differentiating reality from fantasy”. or, we do tell people, but it still follows the same rules of once is fine, twice is annoying, thrice is overwhelming. Depression is a mental condition that causes extended states of misery. Anxiety is a mental condition that causes extended states of stress. Psychosis is a mental condition that causes extended states of, well, delusion. Someone who wakes up already delusional is not going to be able to tell you “when it started”; everything has always felt this way. Now that they can see clearly, because they feel energized (because they are delusional), “nothing is wrong” and they are left to spiral into whatever rabbit hole they fall into.

If we know it’s harmful to tell people with depression and anxiety to “get over it”, why are psychotic people different? Why is it so hard to go into a relationship and be told, explicitly, “I have a psychotic condition”, and follow through as you would anyone else?

“Because psychosis is different.” No further context needed.

#hi guess who it is #it's me and i'm complaining about ment of illness loves #not mine just in general #you know. my lifetime topic of psychosis.

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eldritchsurveys · 3 years

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1056.

5k Survey LXXVIII

4001. How would you rate your sex drive? >> I wouldn’t “rate” it? I don’t keep tabs on it or anything, it comes and goes at will. 4002. You are sitting alone with a stack of videos and a vcr. Of the following which are you most likely to puut on (1 is most, 10 is least) The good the bad and the ugly, - 5 dracula, - 2 slc punk, - 6 twin peaks fire walk with me, - 1 jerry springer too hot for tv, - definitely not in the running singing in the rain, - 7 flash gordon, - not in the running the matrix, - 4 blade runner, - 3 the muppet movie - not in the running 4003. Are you more likely to get or send random instant messages? >> Neither? 4004. If you were writing an ad telling people to come to your town what would you say about it? >> You lost me at “if you were writing an ad”. 4005. What part of your body can you not stand to get an itch on? >> Any part I can’t easily scratch, of course.

4006. How many people do you suppose have stolen that System of a Down album called 'steal this album'? >> I don’t know. 4007. Name a band you like: What are/were this band's roots and influences? >> I don’t know the roots and influences of bands. 4008. would you rather have a poster of john lennon or a cute fuzzy black cat? >> I’m not interested in either of these posters. I’d rather have a bare wall. 4009. make a public service announcement: >> No. 4010. What makes you feel the need to escape? >> My own brain. 4011. You and your signifigant other, crush, interest etc...who is the ernie and who is the bert? >> --- 4012. When was the last time you did something and later asked yourself 'did I do the right thing?'? >> I don’t remember. 4013. What do you find it hard to say goodbye to? >> Er... 4014. What is your fantasy valentine's day like? >> I don’t have a fantasy for Valentine’s Day. 4015. If you had to have a color for a name, what color would it be? >> --- 4016. Should preference be given to minority students during the college admission process? >> You know, I’ve read a lot of arguments for and against affirmative action over the years, and while I see where multiple sides are coming from, I think that the most important thing to me would be people of all backgrounds being given opportunity. And since this country has proven time and time again that when left to its own devices, it will let systems of privilege and oppression stand without contest, there needs to be a check-and-balance system in place. Which, in this case, would be affirmative action. It’s awkward and has its own ramifications, but it provides opportunity where there was none (or hardly any) before, and I think it opens the door for further discussions and adaptations.

4017. Sweet wine, fresh crisp appples, bagles with creme cheese and lox...what is the most incredibly luxurious food? >> I’m not sure. 4018. Is there really anything to fear in communism? >> ???? 4019. Best sesame street character: most annoying sesame street character: >> --- 4020. feast or famine? >> Wh... I mean, which one do you think I’d choose??? 4021. Write a poem right here in five minutes or less: >> No. 4022. Do you stay and help clean up after a party? >> At someone else’s place? No. 4023. Why was the teddy bear named after teddy roosevelt? >> As far as I’m aware, it’s because some guy saw the bears at a World’s Fair or something and bought a bunch of them to use as promotions for Roosevelt’s campaign. If I’m wrong, there’s always your friendly neighbourhood search engine to clear it up for you. 4024. What are you the prince or princess of? >> I am the Red Prince, inheritor of the Tower and doom of the White! Thank you for asking. 4025. Some people think that Christmas should be taken off of public school calanders because it is politically incorrect. What aould you say to this? >> I don’t know what that means, so I would have to ask for clarification about Christmas’ political incorrectness. Personally, I think more holidays should be added, for students of different cultures and religions, and some of the “American civic religion” type holidays like Presidents’ Day and shit should probably be removed. That’d balance it out. 4026. Would you rather go to an exorcism or a step aerobics class? >> First of all, those are completely different events, so it’d depend on what kind of experience I was looking to have. And whether I felt like exercising. Which I usually do not. 4027. Do you believe in spells and curses? >> Do I think that spells and curses work? Sure, somehow. I mean, people do them for a reason... 4028. What tv show does your family watch together? >> --- 4029. What's on your calander this year? >> Dates? 4030. Is anything ruining your life? What? >> No. 4031. How was life meant to be lived? >> --- 4032. What is your usual breakfast? >> A Morningstar veggie burger and chips. 4033. If you had kids, would you worry about what they did online? >> Of course I’d worry. 4034. Will you be maxin and relaxin this weekend? If not, what are your weekend plans? >> It’s Monday, man, I have no idea what’s going to happen next weekend aside from the usual. 4035. Who has the most interesting story to tell: someone who used to fly to asia as a drug trader the ceo of Nike a nyc homeless person a preacher's wife >> I was a homeless person in NYC and I think my stories are plenty interesting. Regardless, I think most (if not all) people have interesting stories to tell, if one is willing to listen. 4036. What do you have a bad feeling about? >> I am not having a bad feeling at this very moment so I would like to keep it that way. 4037. Do you have a lot to say? >> I don’t know. Do I? 4038. If a smallpox vaccine was offered to you, would you take it? >> ??? Don’t we get those as children? I’m confused. 4039. Would you ever work at a kissing booth? how about a dunking booth? >> No. 4040. There is a woman who paints by stripping naked, rolling around in paint and then pressing her body against the canvas. What do you think of her art? >> That’s pretty neat. 4041. Have you ever bought something you saw on tv? >> Like, on an infomercial? No. 4042. Name a relative: that relative dies unexpectedly. On the same day 9/11 happens. You can either bring back your relative or bring back 1/2 the people who dies on 9/11. What do you do? >> --- 4043. Have you gone mental? >> Frequently. 4044. What do you think of jews for jesus? >> I’m not sure what to think, since according to some reports they’re not even Jews, but Christians masquerading as such in order to convert Jews (or undermine the “official” Jewish stance on Christ being a cool dude but not the Messiah). Which is pretty messed up, in my opinion. But if a Jewish person interprets their holy texts in such a way that they wish to adopt Christ as the Messiah, then I’d imagine that’s their business. 4045. Has anyone ever tried to 'save' you? >> Evangelical Christian style? Yeah, plenty of times. Fortunately, I seem to be immune to that particular sort of manipulation. 4046. Quick! picture santa clause in your head... Was he black or white when you pictured him? >> White. All Santa is good Santa and of course as a Black person I’m definitely interested in Black Santa, but almost all of my visual references up until now have been white. 4047. Would you ever buy a black santa clause? >> I mean, duh??? Also, we have a Black angel for our Christmas tree; they’d go together perfectly. 4048. or take your kids to vist a black santa clause? why or why not? >> --- 4049. What do you smell like? >> Right now, I smell like jojoba and lavender and opium oil (and tea tree oil, on my head) because I just showered and moisturised. It’s very nice. 4050. What kind of soup do you eat? >> I don’t usually go for soup. But last night I had chicken and wild rice soup because Sparrow made it for her meal prep this week, and it was pretty damn good.

#surveys #survey #5000 question survey #not for reblogging *glare*

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argentdandelion · 5 years

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Cross-Fandom Analysis: “I’m Bad, and That’s Good”

Or, “How to Not Die by Falling into Not-Lava”.

Thesis: Ralph’s speech of “I’m bad, and that’s good. I will never be good, and that’s not bad. There’s no one I’d rather be...than me.” also applies to W.D. Gaster of Handplates, but in an opposite moral direction.

(For simplicity’s sake, this article will not be considering the sequel Ralph Wrecks the Internet)

Ralph Context

Ralph: “Sure must be nice, being the good guy.” Ralph: “Here’s the thing. I don’t want to be the bad guy anymore.” Clyde (the orange ghost in Pac-Man): “Ralph, Ralph. We get it. But we can’t change who we are. The sooner you accept that, the better off your game and your life will be.”

History

In the film Wreck-it Ralph, Ralph, who's been the "bad guy" of a Donkey Kong-esque arcade game for decades, doesn't want to be the "bad guy" any more. He's tired of getting defeated by his game's protagonist, Fix-it Felix, over and over and being excluded and not appreciated by everyone in his game. He doesn’t seem to have any friends; when he shows up to Bad Anon at the film’s beginning, it’s his first time.

In his game, Felix gets a medal for his heroism after defeating Ralph; to prove he can be a good guy, Ralph ventures to another game to get himself a medal. In the process, he accidentally brings a mindless killer robot to the helpless game Sugar Rush. Though thought destroyed, the robot actually survived and multiplied underground. He also loses his newfound medal, and in his quest to get it back, he befriends one of Sugar Rush's characters: Vanellope.

Motives

Ralph’s bad-guy status was externally-imposed: he was created for the role of being the bad guy in an arcade game, and the game literally puts words in his mouth to accomplish this. Refusing to play out his role or even just leaving his game for too long comes with the risk of making the arcade game seem broken, and if people think it's broken, it will be unplugged and its characters will become homeless; therefore it is selfish.

Ralph’s initial motives are selfish. The other characters in the game Wreck-it Ralph don’t believe he can ever get a medal because he’ll never be any more than a bad guy. When he gets a medal (by basically cheating rather than earning it), he figures he’ll come back to the admiration of the other game characters.

Execution of Motives

While Ralph’s initial motives for helping Vanellope are selfish, (he wants his hero’s medal back and helping Vanellope win a race will do it) he nonetheless does some kind, altruistic (arguably heroic) things to help Vanellope even before he gets his medal back.

When the other Sugar Rush characters harass Vanellope and tear apart her homemade cart, Ralph (who doesn’t even like her, at this point) charges down and scares the other racers off. He’ll get the medal back if Vanellope wins a race, but Vanellope doesn’t have a car or some place to practice. So he uses his super-strength to break into a car-making minigame facility and help Vanellope make a car, and also creates a racetrack for her to practice on.

Later, he unexpectedly gets his medal back before Vanellope races. the film’s antagonist also tricks him into believing that if Vanellope does win a race, Sugar Rush’s plug will be pulled, causing everyone to flee the game and become homeless game characters. Yet, Vanellope, as a glitch, cannot escape her game: she’ll die.

Ralph thus wrecks Vanellope’s cart so she can’t race, avoiding the outcome that will result in her death. (The scene is emotionally devastating; the author still always fast-forwards through that scene.) Later on, he breaks into prison to rescue Felix, the hero of the game Wreck-it Ralph, for Felix’s magic hammer can fix anything and thus can reassemble the remains of Vanellope’s car.

Speech Interpretation

At the film’s climax, Ralph learns a mindless killer robot (a Cy-Bug) he accidentally brought in from another game survived the crash of the escape pod that brought him to Sugar Rush. Not only that, but it multiplied into a massive army, in a game where there are no built-in controls to its spread. Vanellope, as a glitch character, cannot escape Sugar Rush. The film’s villain holds Ralph high in the air, trying to get him to watch Vanellope die. That’s when Ralph realizes he’s above a mountain of Mentos and lava-like diet cola. He escapes the villain’s clutches, intending to punch the entire layer of Mentos in the mountain into the boiling diet cola: the eruption would draw the Cy-Bugs in like moths to a flame and destroy them.

When Ralph is falling to his (presumed) death, it’s likely he believes he’s brought a lot of suffering onto Vanellope, such as bringing a Cy-Bug in (accidentally) and breaking her cart to start with. It’s likely he believes his sacrifice is the only way to save her.

Therefore, Ralph’s interpretation of the Bad Guy Affirmation would be: “I’ve messed up, and I’m doomed to be a villain. I accept that. At least Vanellope cares about me [he looks at his candy medal during this line], and this is the only thing I can do to save her.”

Handplates Context

Gaster: “It does not matter if they [the test subjects] can understand. It does not matter what they look like, or if they can think, or what they feel.” Gaster: “To even consider...[abandoning the experiment and raising the test subjects more-or-less normally]...such selfish sentimentality gets people killed. There is only one choice.”

History

In the Undertale fan comic Handplates (by Zarla-s), monsters were sealed underground with a magical barrier after losing a war millennia ago. When his son was killed by humans, Asgore, king of the monsters, declared war on humanity. He declared that any humans who fell into monsters’ underground realm would be killed, and their souls used to break the magical barrier keeping them all underground. However, Asgore is a kind pushover of a king, who once adopted human child himself. Going through with his declaration causes him a lot of emotional suffering. To ease his pain, the royal scientist W.D. Gaster tries to find some way to break or bypass the barrier without having the king kill any humans.

To this end, he cut out disks of bone from his hands to grow into “living tools” for his experiments. Yet, they unexpectedly became sentient monster children, causing some ethical problems.

W.D. Gaster, in some ways, is the opposite of Ralph. Though his whole family (and all other skeletons) were killed off in the war, he was de facto adopted by King Asgore and Queen Toriel, who loved him very much. He grew up to be a scientist, and helped the whole Underground with his inventions. Indeed, he gained the singularly esteemed position of royal scientist, with immense resources for whatever project he needed.

However, like Ralph, W.D. Gaster has very few friends. While he’s been alive for thousands of years (Ralph’s been alive for 30), he seems close to only three people: Alphys, Asgore, and Toriel. (and for most of the comic, he believes Toriel is dead)

Motives

W.D. Gaster’s bad-guy status was internally-imposed. Nobody is making him do cruel things. In fact, nobody other than himself and his test subjects even know he’s doing cruel things. He believes he is the only person who can do what he thinks must be done, for the greater good, so his motives are initially altruistic. While his devotion to Asgore and willingness to suffer for monsterkind’s sake is admirable, the way he goes about it is definitely a bad guy thing.

In contrast to Ralph, W.D. Gaster’s initial motives weren’t selfish. He wanted to free all monsters from their underground realm and soothe Asgore’s suffering however he could. Nobody considered him a “bad guy”: he was already admired and had people who cared about him.

Execution of Motives

After a brief period of a more-or-less happy childhood/toddler-hood (Gaster was emotionally unavailable, but not hostile), Gaster believed his “objectivity” was “at risk of being compromised”. He drilled in metal plates into the test subjects’ hands, starting a long chain of very painful experiments. Sometimes, he would perform these experiments not to serve his greater, ostensibly noble goal, but for no other reason than his own curiosity. (e.g., breaking one of Papyrus’s bones to see how long it would take to heal) Indeed, while he told himself he would do what he needed to do (including very painful experiments), sometimes his cruelty (e.g., not giving anesthesia) just isn’t pragmatic.

Speech Interpretation

Therefore, Gaster’s interpretation of the Bad Guy Affirmation would be: “I am, and am doomed to be, callous, unloving, and unworthy of love in turn, but that is good: it means I am able to do whatever is necessary to remove Asgore's need to kill again, and free monsterkind. My actions are unforgivable, but I have no choice to turn away from this course: in the end monsters will be freed, and I am willing to accept any punishment afterward for that goal. I do what I must, because I am the only one who can.”

Final Comparison and Results

(Ralph gets cake. Gaster not only does not get cake, but is erased from reality and forgotten by everyone.)

Both have an extended falling sequence into not-lava: lava-like boiling diet cola for Ralph, and magic “lava” (it’s unclear) in a power plant for Gaster. Both have someone who knows them well trying to save them during this sequence; for Ralph, it’s Vanellope, and for Gaster, it’s one of his test subjects, Papyrus (2-P).

Vanellope uses her glitch powers to glitch through the walls of the mountain on her cart, saving Ralph. (Incidentally, Ralph helped her with her glitch powers and cart driving.) Papyrus (called 2-P) tries to save Gaster from falling into the not-lava using gravity-altering blue magic. However, Gaster told him earlier that if he and his brother ever tried to use blue magic on him, they’d be severely punished, and Gaster proceeds to “demonstrate” by breaking quite a lot of Papyrus’s bones. This experience makes Papyrus hesitate, and so he’s too late to save Gaster.

Yet, despite sharing these similarities, their motives, character development, and actions are almost the opposite of each other. Ralph fell to begin with out of a heroic sacrifice to save Vanellope, while Gaster fell because one of his test subjects, Sans (1-S), who resented him for his cruelty, shoved him off a catwalk in the power plant. This, while the Bad Guy affirmation applies to both of them equally, one shows the descent of a “good guy” into villainy, and another shows the ascent of a “bad guy” into heroism.

#Undertale #Handplates #W.D. Gaster #Gaster #Wreck-it Ralph #Handplates Gaster #Zarla #Ralph (Wreck-it Ralph)

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sebeth · 5 years

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Fantastic Four # 4 - 6

Warning, Spoilers Ahead…

Brief Summary: The return of Namor, the debut of Doctor Doom, and the first Namor-Doom team-up.

Debuts:

· Doctor Doom

· Baxter Building

· Yancy Street Gang

Favorite Cover: #4 – I love the image of Namor escaping into the ocean with Susan.

Points of Interest:

· Ben’s very indecisive on Johnny’s leaving the team. He starts with “He’s nothin’ but a spoiled brat of a teenager! What do we need him for?” to “When I find ‘im, I’ll team him to run off on us that way!” So do you want Johnny gone or not?

· Sue once again causes panic in a public setting by using her powers for ordinary tasks. Why do you need to be invisible to drink soda in a café?

· The amount of time Johnny has been away from the team isn’t specified. If it’s only been a few hours, the team is panicking over nothing. Johnny wouldn’t be the first teen to storm off for a few hours, cool down, and then return home. If it has been over a day, Johnny owes Sue a huge apology.

· Reed yanks a passing motorcyclist off his bike to see if he’s seen Johnny. Reed tells the man “But if you don’t know where Johnny Storm is, I’ve no more time to waste with you!”Reed’s rather rude. I mean, Reed was the one who yanked the poor man off of his motorcycle – possibly damaging the bike in the process.

· Reed thinks “I’ve got to keep trying! Sooner or later I’ll find some teen-ager who’s seen him!” Yep, that’s Reed’s solution to the missing Johnny problem – question every teenager in New York City on Johnny’s whereabouts. I was expecting more from the world’s smartest man – maybe a device that would sense Johnny’s elevated temperature or energy output but nope, instead he’s going to interrogate all of New York’s thousands upon thousands of teenagers.

· It’s revealed that Johnny is at Swanson’s Garage working on cars and hanging with his pals. The same Swanson’s Garage we saw Johnny at during the first issue of the Fantastic Four. I can understand Reed not being aware of the garage – he becomes so absorbed in his experiments he forgets the outside world – but are you telling me that Sue didn’t check out the place? Sue wouldn’t be fooled by the “tell her I’m not here” game – one invisible drop-in later and Johnny’s busted.

· Johnny uses his powers to weld the engine. He also shows off by flaming on – while near cans of gasoline! Johnny explains: “Notice how I can control my flame! By not moving, it doesn’t go near the gasoline!” Way to scare the crap out of your friends!

· Ben enters the garage by breaking through the wall. The team is racking up the collateral damage for a simple search mission – Swanson’s garage wall, the man’s motorcycle, and who knows if Sue paid for that soda!

· Ben warns Johnny: “And now I’ll teach you what happens to deserters! And your flame doesn’t scare me! I know you can’t move while you’re burning, because there’s gasoline all over here! One spark and your pals are done for!”

· Reading Ben’s early appearances are rather jarring compared to his later personality. I understand Ben’s anger, frustration and bitterness. I’m also sure his transformation caused a severe case of post-traumatic stress disorder but casually dismissing the safety of innocent bystanders? Not the Ben we know and love.

· Johnny, acting as the mature one, immediately flames off and attempts to defuse the situation. Ben proceeds to throw a car through the other wall of the garage. Ben takes a swing at Johnny: “You’ve always laughed at me because I was ugly! Well? Why aren’t you laughing now? Don’t worry, sonny boy…I’m not gonna spoil your pretty features! I’ll just rough you up a little…teach you who’s boss, once and for all!”

· Ben turns back to human mid-rant. Johnny takes the opportunity to flame on and retreat. Ben’s calls after Johnny: “Go on, Torch! Fly off! What do I care! Ha Ha! I’m human again! Fly away, you flaming freak!!”

· A flying Johnny thinks to himself: “The poor fool! He should know by now his change is only temporary!” Sure enough, Ben changes back into the Thing seconds later.

· Johnny’s often portrayed as the immature one but he was the exact opposite in this scene – he stayed calm, attempted to defuse the situation, prevented innocent bystanders from being harmed, and retreated at the first opportunity instead of being dragged into a senseless fight.

· The scene nicely shows that Ben’s rage is caused by the transformation – as soon as Ben regained his human form, he lost all interest in the fight. “The flaming freak” comment was interesting – did Ben feel that he was removed from that category since he regained his human form. Would Ben consider Sue a freak? Does Ben call Johnny a freak because he resents Johnny’s attractiveness?

· Johnny decides to retreat to the Bowery and hang with the derelicts. Johnny finds a comic from the 1940’s about the Sub-Mariner. A derelict tells Johnny that they have “a stumble-bum right here who’s supposed to be as strong as that Joker was supposed to be!”

· The derelicts harass the stumble-bum until a brawl breaks out and the bodies hit the floor! “Wham! Pow! Bam!”

· The derelicts gear up for round two but Johnny intervenes: “Hold on! Let him alone! Can’t you see, he’s ill? He’s got amnesia! A loss of memory! He doesn’t even know who he is!!” Johnny decides to shave off the amnesiac man’s beard and cut his hair with his flame abilities. Johnny proclaims: “Wait!! His face! No – it – can’t be! It is! It is!! He – He’s the Sub-Mariner!”

· Johnny has clearly been working hard on controlling his powers as evidenced by this scene and the previous scene at the garage. He seems to have done this without any prompting by Reed or Sue. It makes sense as Johnny’s powers are clearly the most destructive of the Four.

· I highly recommend this issue for Johnny fans – he has many shining moments and it’s a nice, subtle look at his character.

· Reed’s continues his quest of randomly harassing random citizens on Johnny’s whereabouts – the latest being a helicopter crew (while in the sky) and travelers in the subway. This amuses me way more than it should – maybe Reed really needed social time?

· An invisible Sue enters the Bowery: “I can’t believe that Johnny would ever come here!” Sue proceeds to walk right past Johnny and Namor! Seriously, is Ben the only observant member of this team? I guess Johnny gets points too for recognizing Namor

· Johnny flies Namor to the ocean and drops him in! Thankfully the bum is Namor and not some homeless man that Johnny terrorized for no reason.

· Namor returns to Atlantis to find that “It’s destroyed!! It’s all destroyed!! That glow in the water – it’s radioactivity! Now I know what happened! The humans did it, unthinkingly with their cursed atomic tests!”

· Sadly, this issue is from 1962 but the “human unthinkingly destroy” plot is still relevant today – for example, the bleaching of the coral reefs and the tons of plastic found in the ocean.

· Namor returns to New York City with vengeance on his mind: “I am the mightiest living mortal on earth!! And now, mankind shall feel that might…as it is turned against you all!”

· Namor’s been able to make that claim – unchallenged in the Marvel Universe – since World War II. He had to be really annoyed when the Thing, the Hulk, and Thor all debuted within months of each other. Namor being Namor, I’m sure was still telling everyone that he was “the mightiest mortal living on earth!”

· Namor uses a monster-controlling horn to summon Giganto from the depths of the ocean. Ben defeats Giganto by hauling a bomb into the monster’s abdomen. Poor Giganto!

· Sue adds another name to the list of men infatuated with her. Namor declares: “Well! Here is a prize worth catching! You’re the loveliest human I’ve ever seen! If you will be my bride, I might show mercy to the rest of your pitiful race!”

· Namor’s not one to beat around the bush! We now know Namor’s true weakness – it’s not lack of water, it’s beautiful women. We can’t even justify that he’s attracted to Sue’s personality – Namor glanced at Sue and was all “Whoa, mamma!”

· We now begin the longest running triangle in all of comics – Namor, Sue, and Reed. I don’t count Superman-Lois-Clark as that triangle only involves two individuals.

· Namor’s the epitome of mercurial mood swings so he changes from “Now I’ll have the girl, and my revenge!” to annoyance that Sue isn’t properly impressed by his manly manliness.

· Issue 5 opens with Doctor Doom playing with chess pieces modeled after the Fantastic Four. First Doom and later the Puppet Master – do all of the FF’s enemies act out their upcoming fights with action figures?

· Doom’s lair contains a stuffed vulture and reference books labeled “Demons” and “Science and Sorcery” on the table. The books nicely foreshadow Doom’s later affinity with magic.

· Johnny’s reading the “Hulk” comic back at the Fantastic Four headquarters. Marvel was really pushing the debut of the Hulk title – the previous issue had multiple “who is the Hulk” statements at the bottom of the pages.

· “Fantastic Four!! Heed my words! This is Doctor Doom!”

· Sue: “Who?” I wish Sue had been able to say that to Doom’s face. I don’t think his ego could handle it.

· Reed: “That voice! I recognize it! But I thought he was dead!” Reed has quite the talent for voice recognition since Doom is speaking through a metal mask from a helicopter.

· I’m loving campy, over-the-top Doctor Doom. Can you imagine if this was your first exposure to Doom in modern years? You’d seriously question how Doom became the top villain in the Marvel Universe! The crossover I want to see: First-appearance Doctor Doom versus Batman from the 1966 tv series!

· Flashback time: Reed and Victor Von Doom were college roommates. Doom, a brilliant science student, was fascinated with sorcery and black magic: “One night, the evil genius went too far, as he brought forth powers which even he could not control!” Cue explosion, facial disfigurement, and school expulsion.

· The extent of Doom’s scarring/disfigurement caused much debate throughout the years – was it a small scar that Doom’s ego couldn’t tolerate or was it massive disfigurement? The panel shows Doom’s entire head wrapped mummy-style so I’m going with the massive disfigurement option.

· Reed tells the group that Victor left the school and when he was last heard of “he was prowling the wastelands of Tibet, still seeking the forbidden secrets of black magic and sorcery”.

· Doom demands the Four send Sue to him as a hostage. Sue: Girl Hostage happens a lot in the early comics. Sue insists it’s the only way and Reed agrees. Seriously? The net only covers the exterior of the building – Ben and Johnny have the strength to tunnel underneath the building and exit elsewhere. Shouldn’t that be an option instead of handing Sue over to some ranting psycho? Reed’s definitely not earning “the world’s smartest man” title during the early adventures of the Four. Doom opens a section of the net so Sue can enter his helicopter.

· Doom demands the rest of the team “board my plane, and you must swear you will not attack me!” The team agrees. What?! Seriously, Reed, this is why you can’t hang with Captain America and Cyclops when it comes to strategic planning.

· Doom sends the male members of the Four back in time: “: “Gone to bring me the gems which, unknown to them, will make Doctor Doom the ruler of the earth!”

· The boys disguise themselves as pirates. Ben tells Reed to “Take it easy, Bub!” Ben was using “Bub” decades before Wolverine!

· Ben’s having a blast playing the role of pirate: “Ahoy, matey! Let’s see if we can date one of these pretty barmaids! Heh Heh!” It’s nice to see Ben enjoying himself as he’s been miserable throughout the series.

· Johnny’s also having fun: “This is keen! I feel like Errol Flynn!”

· Reed’s a fuddy-duddy: “Knock it off!”

· Ben has a moment where he refuses to return to the present: “Why can’t I stay? The future holds nothing for me! In the Twentieth Century I’m nothing but a monster…a freak! But here I’m somebody! I’m a leader of men! I’m a captain! I’m the guy who started the legend of Blackbeard! The kids will read about me in school some day! I ain’t never giving this up…never!” Ben, you’ve been in the past for 30 minutes, calm down!

· The trio returns to the present only for Doom to escape.

· A total campy, ridiculous and fun issue. Despite the goofiness, a few of Doom’s defining characteristics – the intelligence, the sorcery, the Doom-bots, the ego, the grudge with Richards – were clearly established in this issue.

· “Have the Fantastic Four at last met their match when Mighty Sub-Mariner and Evil Doctor Doom team up?? Don’t miss the Diabolical Duo join forces!”

· Johnny blazes across the sky. An onlooker gasps “The Torch!! A living legend! And I thought I’d never see him with my own eyes!” The onlooker seems to be mixing Johnny up with the World War II era Human Torch (Jim Hammond). Johnny hasn’t been the Torch for long. Definitely not enough time to be considered a “living legend”. Would the general public even realize there was a difference between Johnny and Jim? Issue 6 was published in the early 1960s. The original Human Torch operated in the 1940s – the older citizens of the Marvel Universe would assume it was the original making a comeback after a long sabbatical. After all, how many blonde men can set themselves on fire, fly, and call themselves the “Human Torch”?

· The same citizens gawking at Johnny are pushed aside by an invisible Sue. Sue turns visible to apologize and enter the Baxter Building. We’ve seen Sue use her powers multiple times to scare or push through people. She’s either a big fan of the “jump-scare” or using her powers to let out her frustrations by shoving people. Seriously, it would be easier – and more polite – to stay visible and skirt around people as opposed to moving around unseen and shoving people out of the way.

· Sue notes that “The Torch has been scouting for signs of Doctor Doom.” Isn’t Sue better suited for the task? She is the “Invisible Girl”! Johnny’s a human-sized ball of fire – Doom will see him coming from a mile away!

· We receive our first detailed glimpse of the Baxter Building. The Fantastic Four’s headquarters are located on the 34th to the 37th stories of the building. The members of the Four take the express elevator to the 34th floor. The elevator operates via a signal that is sent from the belt buckle of the members’ uniforms. The 34th floor clearly belongs to Reed – it consists of labs and computers. The 35th floor are living quarters, the recreation room, and the gymnasium. The 36th floor are conference rooms. The 37th floor holds the team’s vehicles.

· Reed catches up on the team’s mail. He discovers a letter sent from a child at Harmon General Hospital. The hospital is located across the street so Reed stretches across to have a long chat with the child. A sweet moment for Reed who is too often characterized as obsessed with science and oblivious to social mores.

· Johnny and Ben continue reading the mail. We receive the first mention of the Yancy Street Gang: “…and if the Thing will meet us on the corner of Ashby and Main Street, we’ll knock that chip off his shoulder and make him like it! Signed, the Yancy Street Gang!”

· Ben is not amused: “I’ve heard from those mealy-mouthed braggarts before! They get their kicks out of tryin’ to rile me!” Ben decides to answer the challenge: “This block is titanium steel – six inches thick and the strongest metal known to man! I’ll just roll it by hand into a from acceptable for mailing – I wouldn’t want the Yancy Gang to think I wasn’t neat – Here! Send this to them! And on the day they manage to unroll it, I’ll personally congratulate ‘em!” Clearly, adamantium wasn’t known to the Marvel Universe at this point.

· The Fantastic Four – secret identities or publicly known? The writers in the Fantastic Four and Strange Tales titles go back and forth on this point in the early issues. A few issues ago, the identities were stated to be a “secret”? If so, how does the Yancy Gang recognize Ben? He looks significantly different post-transformation! If the identities are still a secret at this point and the Yancy Gang still realize the Thing is Ben Grimm…well, Batman will have to forfeit the “World’s Greatest Detective” title!

· Ben’s itching to fight someone worthy of him, “a foe like Doctor Doom…or a Submariner!”

· Sue defends her crush: “Submariner is hostile because he’s hurt and bitter!”

· Yeah, Namor has man-pain! The fact that he looks damn good in a speedo has nothing to do with Sue’s defense of him!

· We switch to the ocean where the “hurt and bitter” Namor instructs porpoises in swimming maneuvers.

· Doctor Doom travels to Namor’s location, proposes an alliance, and brags up his credentials: “ I am strong – strong enough to join the powers of science to those of darkness! Show me the puny mortal who does not tremble at the name of Doctor Doom!”

· Let’s recap Sue’s reaction upon hearing the name of Doctor Doom: “Who?”

· Doom notes “It would appear that you’ve taken a holiday from your campaign against the surface world! Men no longer speak your name in fear!”

· Well, playing with dolphins doesn’t exactly reinforce an angry and vengeance-driven persona.

· Doctor Doom notes a framed photo of Susan Storm.

· Namor warns “Take care! That female is no concern of yours!”

· How did Namor get the photo? Did Sue give it to him? Did he take the picture while he held her hostage a few issues ago? Clip it out of a newspaper?

· Doom taunts Namor into assisting him: “What happened to your thirst for revenge? Have you forgot the glistening towers of your once great civilization? The culture and comfort enjoyed by your happy subjects…imagine your great and proud people struggling for thousands of years, defeating all the terrors of the deep to build a civilization, superb and beautiful…yes, beautiful and glowing with life until that last terrifying moment when that monster of a bomb lodged in the midst of that beauty…gone! All that glorious history gone in one brief instant! Replaced by an ugly crater in the ocean floor…littered with fused masonry and bitter memories that cry out…revenge! Revenge! Revenge upon the surface world which did this in its ignorance! Revenge upon humanity’s defenders! Death to the Fantastic Four!”

· Namor agrees: “I cannot harm the girl! But I will aid you in defeating the others!”

· Dr. Doom is a large ham.

· Namor is easily manipulated.

· I want to see a “What If?” where Namor’s all “Nah, I’m gonna keep playing with the dolphins”.

· Wouldn’t it be easier for Namor to simply ask Reed for assistance in locating the lost Atlanteans instead of trusting some random dude in armor?

· Namor leaves to pursue his part of the plan and plays “chicken” with an airplane along the way: “No time to dodge! It’s going to hit us head on!” “Bah! That’s enough horseplay! I mustn’t forget the mission!”

· Back to the Baxter Building where Johnny snoops around Sue’s possessions. Why is Johnny snooping in Sue’s room? Typical younger sibling nosiness? Johnny’s around 16-17 years old at this time. Sue raised Johnny – I’ve always felt that she was 10 – 12 years older than him. The dual mother-sister role makes it even odder that Johnny is nosing around her room.

· Johnny finds a photo of Namor and isn’t happy about it: “So! You’ve gone soft on Submariner – our arch-enemy!” The Four have only fought Namor once. I don’t think that’s enough to qualify him as an “arch-enemy”. Of course, the other options are: a short man who lives underground, aliens who were outsmarted by “B” horror movies, a maybe-maybe not hypnotist, and an egotistical man in armor whose master plan was throwing a net over a skyscraper. I can see why Johnny chose Namor for the arch-enemy role.

· Sue is not amused: “Give me that photo, you insolent brat!” When did this photo exchange between Namor and Sue take place? Were they taking pictures of each other during issue #4?

· Namor arrives at the Baxter Building and all hell breaks loose as Ben and Johnny brawl with the Sub-Mariner.

· Namor advises Sue to get out of the way: “He’s too angry to listen to reason! You’d best stay out of the way! I do not fear the Torch!” Yeah, Namor has had plenty of experience battling Human Torches.

· It’s curious that Johnny is so angry over Sue’s crush on Namor. Does he dislike Namor so much or is he afraid it would cause the breakup of the Four which is his home, family, and a large part of his identity?

· Namor states he’s come in peace and doesn’t mention the devices he’s rigged to the Baxter Building.

· Crack! The Baxter Building is launched into space for the first but not the only time!

· Namor rages: “The double-crossing dog is in a rocket plane above pulling this building into space!” And yet Namor will continue to ally with Doom after this betrayal.

· Namor’s not in much danger – he can simply jump out and fly away. Johnny would normally be able to escape but he “exhausted his flame” during his fight with Namor. Johnny didn’t have much stamina in the early issues. The Four’s planes were damaged in the launching of the building.

· Reed insists “our only hope of ever getting down is to seize control of that plane!”

· Does Doom ever recall his earliest attacks on the four and face-palm? They were so ridiculous and over-the-top!

· Reed stretches after Doom’s plane: “Somehow, conditions in space tend to weaken my powers!” Was this ever mentioned again? The Four spend a lot of time in space.

· Namor decides enough is enough: “That jackal Doctor Doom still has Prince Namor to reckon with!” Namor dives into a water storage, amps up to full strength, launches himself to Doom’s ship, evicts Doom from the ship, assumes control of the ship, and returns the Baxter Building to earth. Doom hitches a ride to earth on a meteor.

· Ben: “How do you thank an enemy? Submariner’s above us in that confounded ship. And if I could reach him I still don’t know if I’d shake his hand or try to smash him!”

· Sue: “Oh, he isn’t our enemy! I just know it! He’s so full of pain and bitterness that it blinds his better instincts! Submariner needs time…time to heal!” Sue, dear, I think the boys are over your continued defense of Namor.

· Namor: “So shall I return to the sea! Perhaps someday when I am no longer haunted by bitter memories of my lost people, I may return…but, until then, this is where I belong! In the sea which is my home!”

· So ends the first super-villain team-up in the Marvel Universe and the beginning of one of Marvel’s longest running love-hate relationships.

#Fantastic Four #Namor #Doctor Doom #Johnny Storm #Susan Storm #Reed Richards #Ben Grimm #Baxter Building #Yancy Street Gang #susan richards #invisible girl #Human Torch #Thing #Mister Fantastic #sub-mariner #Victor Von Doom #Giganto

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dropintomanga · 5 years

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Rejectors Are Princesses, Too (Princess Jellyfish)

“Why? Why am I so confused right now? A normal girl would be happy to hear those words (”Will you marry me?”), right? I’ve seen it over and over again in TV shows and manga. When the man proposes, the woman cries with happiness. So how come I’m not crying?”

For many of us who’ve have fallen in love with someone and tried to confess our love to that person, more often than not, we get rejected. After processing all the bad emotions associated with the rejection, we move on. There’s ton of advice on how to deal with rejection. But what if you were the one who did the rejecting? After finishing up Princess Jellyfish, I was reminded of the perspective of the person who has to put up with a love confession by someone they aren’t interested in.

Near the end of the series, Tsukimi Kurashita goes through an ordeal where she ends up at Singapore to study fashion in order to save her friends from being homeless. After Kuranosuke Koibuchi rescues and brings her back to Japan, Tsukimi runs into the one guy she was interested in from the start of the series, Shu Koibuchi, the older brother of Kuranosuke. Shu just came back from Italy to get a jellyfish ring there as a way to propose to Tsukimi. When Shu gets his big chance to propose to Tsukimi, Tsukimi doesn’t know what to think at all. After some deliberation, Tsukimi rejects Shu’s marriage proposal saying that she still has things she wants to do.

Throughout the early-to-mid parts of the series, there was a big focus on the potential romance between Tsukimi and Shu. Both had extremely different personalities, but they found out each other attractive and their inner strengths admirable through multiple dates. However, during the attempt to save her home of Amamizukan from being sold, Tsukimi tried to reach Shu via phone. However, Shu dropped his mobile phone in the water. That led to Tsukimi’s lone journey into Singapore. This lack of communication between them around this time created a huge literal distance between the two that doomed the future of their relationship. One can argue that this change in plans for both characters threw the traditional script of a destined couple awry. This scriptlessness is part of a psychological phenomenon where people think they’re happy if something good happens to them, but they get a negative reaction instead. I heard about this idea of scriptlessness from a podcast episode about the growth of BS jobs. It was a discussion about how certain jobs are supposed to make you happy, but can end up making you miserable if the work there makes you feel like you’re not contributing to something bigger than yourself.

There was a brief part where unrequited love was compared to BS jobs.

“Q: You argue that there are even spiritual consequences of b.s. jobs, and one of them is something that you call scriptlessness (ph). What do you mean by that?

A: I remember being very impressed by a psychological study which looked at people in - you know, sort of looked at times they'd been in love or people had been in love with them when they were teenagers and how they'd managed to integrate the experience or - especially unrequited love. And what they found out was that, you know, if you are in love with someone who does not return your feelings, well, you know, it's difficult, but you can come up with a story about it. You know, you - people would come to terms with it. They almost remember the incidents fondly 20 years later.

It was the people who had other people who were in love with them, who didn't actually feel the same way about them, who were still kind of hurting. They were really confused. They felt guilty, but they felt indignant. And they just didn't know how to feel.

And one of the reasons why, they suggested, is because, you know, if you're in love with someone who doesn't love you, you know exactly how you're supposed to feel. There's, like, 2,000 years of literature telling you exactly how you're supposed to feel, how you're supposed to behave, what's appropriate, what isn't.

Whereas if you're on the other side, you're pretty much at a loss. You know, there are no novels written from the point of view of Roxane instead of, you know, Cyrano (from the play “Cyrano de Bergerac”). And so those people didn't have a script.”

Tsukimi was Roxane. She was somewhat at a loss over Shu’s proposal. Many girls would be ecstatic if the men they loved wanted to marry them. However, there’s a lot of societal pressure about marriage and for women to just settle down despite all the opportunities women have gotten over the years. That societal pressure leads to guilt. If they are the rejectors, they may get criticism via statements like “Why did you reject him? He looked like a great guy!” That starts to sting since the rejector is technically the main source of of the rejected’s pain. There’s really no real manual for it all because since being rejected is an universal feeling that’s more easy to talk about. I did find that study on unrequited love and it’s quite the read. Rejectors don’t get portrayed often in media and when they do, it’s not well. They’re viewed as villains. Not many people want to understand rejectors’ perspectives because they view them as being selfish. Rejectors may also decide to be quiet about rejecting someone out of fear that their “interest” might retaliate with anger. Think about the bad relationships that women and men continue to foster due to their fear of being socially shamed.

Tsukimi did the right thing in telling Shu how she really felt. She did love him at one point, but her desire to accomplish something meaningful herself was greater. Shu’s love became unrequited over time. To be fair, he was worried that Tsukimi’s jellyfish obsession would make her out of reach for him. There’s also a huge age and social class gap between the two.

There’s an argument made that clarity is valued less than ambiguity in dating these days. Shu’s marriage proposal was clear and blunt as hell. It’s also a huge shocker because no one knows what life would bring. Loss is bound to happen more when relationships become more intimate. Shu is noted to be very naive when it comes to romance as he grew up mostly studying and trying to get into politics. He doesn’t fully grasp the many intricacies romantic relationships bring. Tsukimi became more willing to embrace a certain level of ambiguity after her experiences in Singapore. She started to see there were things more important than just romantic love. Even though she’s in full-on fashion designer mode by the end of the story, Tsukimi knows how important Kuranosuke is to her. She might love a guy at some point whether it’s Shu again, Kuranosuke, or someone else. She might not. As Akiko Higashimura noted in the end, Princess Jellyfish is a neo princess story for the 21st century. Romantic love shouldn’t be the only type of love that matters. Also, more importantly, loving something/someone also means saying “no” sometimes. I wish more people realized that. Saying “no” doesn’t make you an ass. When done with politeness, assertiveness and respect, it makes you look good in front of others. Think about it - no one wants to be around a “yes” person who keeps doing things to please others and ends up disappointing them (and themselves) over and over again. Saying no is an act worthy of being worshiped royally like a prince or princess. On a side note: Princess Jellyfish was a fun read. I remember talking about starting it with one of Kodansha Comics’ people at Anime NYC last year. Now that I finished the series just before Anime NYC this year, I can see why Princess Jellyfish was popular in the U.S.. There’s a good amount of quirkiness that makes it stand out. Some parts were a little over-the-top and the hiatuses hurt the series a bit, but I recommend Princess Jellyfish to anyone who loves a silly romantic story that tries to convey a strong message about being beautiful.

#Princess Jellyfish #manga #Tsukimi Kurashita #Shu Koibuchi #love #scriptlessness #psychology of dating #saying no

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darkouter · 5 years

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some thots™ on cecil’s past (foster care, troubled youth, rehab)

i. he was in foster care and it was. very hard. he was in from a very, very young age (toddler years) and knows basically nothing about his biological parents. he has no desire to know them. he harbored a deep animosity for them for most of his young life until he got into rehab and started to shape up. he understands now that there were probably reasonable circumstances for him being tossed into the system, but he still felt abandoned during his childhood, and it made him act out.

ii. because he was such a little shit, he went through several homes, and tended to self-sabotage his chances of being happy. he has been in four previous homes. it started with simply being a fussy kid because of the lack of care and attention he got in the system giving him a bad temperament. after his first guardians returned him, though, it became a fear of abandonment, so he would shut out people in order to not be hurt by them. it was a self-fulfilling prophecy; he was always convinced he would be kicked out again, so he wouldn’t try, and he would be fairly mean if he felt his home situation was becoming unstable. by his third foster family he kept a bag with him at all times of his necessities, fully expecting to be thrown back into foster care at any moment. the process of taking a child back from a family is fairly traumatizing, as it’s abrupt, and there is rarely a chance that one can pack up their belongings. he never bothered to settle in from that point onward.

iii. if not for arthur’s immediate taking to cecil, empathizing with him, and arthur and miriam’s backgrounds in psychiatry and nursing in a psych ward respectively, they probably wouldn’t have been able to handle cecil. but taking him on felt like a duty to them because he had been failed so many times, and living with them was it’s own sort of therapy.

iv. of course, they weren’t perfect, and he still had a wild, destructive streak. severe anger problems, a chip on his shoulder, and generally acting a hooligan, he got into tons of trouble. he got into constant fights and nearly ended up in a juvenile detention centre. he went to therapy, but was not very cooperative. he eventually began dabbling in drugs, leading to his eventual heroin addiction.

v. it was moving out of home to london that really sealed his doom when it came to his addiction, as he surrounded himself with a majority crowd of people who were heavy users. he’s dealt with homelessness, inability to hold a stable job, multiple arrests for possession, arrests for theft attempts in order to fund his habit, a variety of forms of abuse, and several deaths around him and personal near-death experiences (both from ODing, dangerous people, and suicide attempts). as one might expect, he suffers from severe trauma and has ptsd. if you think he’s a mess currently, you have no idea what he was like before. honestly, it’s a wonder how he functions.

vi. he didn’t know he contracted hiv, and he’s terrified that during his period of ignorance to it he might have passed it on. he’s extremely ashamed of it. he feels worse because part of him hopes that the people who took advantage of him sexually DID catch it, and he hopes they rot away from it, and those hateful thoughts makes him feel pretty vile. he has difficulties reconciling these emotions.

vii. he tried rehab a few times, but it didn’t stick until adelaide reconnected with him and became his support. she helped separate him from the influence of his surroundings, having him move in with her. she got him to do inpatient care, and he escaped heroin, but his methadone abuse started here. he hasn’t touched heroin since this final rehab stay.

viii. he attended university alongside her! study buddies. she went into physics. he’s horrified and proud. he has a PsyD, which took ~9 years to get, which is faster than normal. he really kicked his ass into gear once adelaide helped him out, tending to take 14 credit hours a semester, including summers, and attending a program that helped him get his doctorate and masters studies done concurrently.. he felt he had to make up for a lot of lost time.

ix. moving to america was one of the hardest things for him because of leaving adelaide, but he needed a fresh start. they call each other almost daily. he’s open to her more than anyone else. he still tends to omit details of when things are going shitty for him because he doesn’t want to disappoint her or make her worry.

x. i need to revamp his timeline completely, but he’s ~38. yes david tennant is his fc despite being a decade older. dude has lived rough lmao shit ages you

#| OOC: HEY GHOULS!#| HC: CECIL MCCALLISTER.#LOTS of triggering content in here btw so be forewarned !#drug abuse for ts #suicide mention for ts #abuse mention for ts #anyways i fuckin LOVE MY SON god he's been through SO MUCH PLEASE LOVE HIM TOO

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xcvfgt · 3 years

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A girl in grey on a dying horse

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newstfionline · 3 years

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Wednesday, August 18, 2021

Nearly a third of U.S. workers under 40 considered changing careers during the pandemic (Washington Post) When Orlando Saenz was laid off at the end of January, he was devastated. For nearly a decade, he had worked as an executive assistant at an Austin law firm, and it was hard to envision his next steps. But then it dawned on him: This setback could be the kick he needed to finally finish his associate’s degree and seek a better career. A few days later, Saenz, 40, enrolled in community college. He plans to get a paralegal license. The enhanced unemployment aid gave him the financial cushion to “treat school as my job,” he said, for a few months. “If you come out of the pandemic the same as you were, you’ve missed an opportunity to evolve and grow as a person,” Saenz said. “I just realized I needed to do better.” Saenz is not alone. Nearly 1 in 3 U.S. workers under 40 have thought about changing their occupation or field of work since the pandemic began, according to a Washington Post-Schar School poll, conducted July 6 to 21. About 1 in 5 workers overall have considered a professional shift, a signal that the pandemic has been a turning point for many. Many people told The Post that the pandemic altered how they think about what is important in life and their careers. It has given them a heightened understanding that life is short and that now is the time to make the changes they have long dreamed of. The result is a great reassessment of work, as Americans fundamentally reimagine their relationships to their jobs.

Food stamp benefits to permanently expand by over 25% in October, USDA announces (USA Today) Needy families will get a permanent boost to their food stamps benefits in October under an expansion of the program announced Monday. The U.S. Department of Agriculture will increase benefits for about 42 million program participants by more than 25% after finishing a review that determined existing benefits are too low to pay for a healthy diet. The increase kicks in on Oct. 1, when beneficiaries in what is officially known as the SNAP program will receive an average bump of about $36.24 per month, the agency announced Monday. While benefits have increased along with inflation, the USDA said this adjustment represents the first expansion of its purchasing power since it was first introduced in 1975.

First-ever water shortage declared on the Colorado River, triggering water cuts for some states in the West (Reuters) For the first time, federal officials declared a water shortage at the Lake Mead reservoir, a status that causes a slash to the annual apportionment of water to several states in the Southwest. In the year beginning in October, Arizona will lose 18 percent of its annual water apportionment, Nevada will lose 7 percent, and the apportionments to Mexico will decrease by 5 percent. Right now, 59.2 million Americans live in a place with drought, which encompasses 99 percent of the Western United States. Total water storage in the Colorado River system is at 40 percent capacity, down from 49 percent in 2020.

T-Mobile hacked (Motherboard) T-Mobile confirmed that hackers accessed the telecom’s systems on Monday. One hacker claimed that 100 million people had compromised data in the breach, and in a forum post offered 30 million people’s data for 6 bitcoin (about $270,000). Samples of the data contained “social security numbers, phone numbers, names, physical addresses, unique IMEI numbers, and driver license information.”

Tropical storm drenching earthquake-stricken Haiti (AP) Tropical Storm Grace swept over Haiti with drenching rains just two days after a powerful earthquake battered the impoverished Caribbean nation, adding to the misery of thousands who lost loved ones, suffered injuries or found themselves homeless and forcing overwhelmed hospitals and rescuers to act quickly. After nightfall, heavy rain and strong winds whipped at the country’s southwestern area, hit hardest by Saturday’s quake, and officials warned that rainfall could reach 15 inches (38 centimeters) in some areas before the storm moved on.

Japan to extend COVID-19 emergency lockdown as cases surge (Reuters) Japan was set on Tuesday to extend its state of emergency in Tokyo and other regions to Sept. 12 and widen curbs to seven more prefectures, as COVID-19 cases spike in the capital and nationwide, burdening the medical system. The state of emergency will cover slightly less than 60% of the population after the government adds the prefectures of Ibaraki, Tochigi, Gunma, Shizuoka, Kyoto, Hyogo and Fukuoka.

American diplomats reckon with Afghanistan’s collapse (Foreign Policy) Current and former U.S. diplomats who served in Afghanistan have watched the events of the past week with horror as the Taliban stormed through the country and ultimately seized control of the capital, Kabul, on Sunday, undoing two decades of hard-won progress in the country. For many American officials, the collapse of the Afghan government and the hasty evacuation of the U.S. Embassy in Kabul are deeply personal. Around one-quarter of the U.S. diplomatic corps has served in Afghanistan or Iraq over the past 20 years. In interviews with a dozen people who held posts in Afghanistan, current and former diplomats conveyed feelings of deep anger, shock, and bitterness about the collapse of the government they spent decades trying to build. Several currently serving officials, who spoke to Foreign Policy on condition of anonymity, said the events had prompted thoughts about resigning from the foreign service. But mostly the diplomats said they felt an overwhelming sense of guilt and fear for the lives of the former Afghan colleagues and local staff whom the American government left behind. “We did such a disservice to the local staff who worked for us,” said Shaila Manyam, a former career foreign service officer who had served as spokesperson for the president’s special envoy to Afghanistan and Pakistan in 2015. “They take on incredible risks working for us and we’ve screwed them too,” she said. Ryan Crocker, who served as U.S. ambassador to Afghanistan from 2011 to 2012, said the fate of Afghan women weighed heavily on him. “We encouraged them to step forward, and they did. In politics, the economy, the military,” he said. “The implicit part of that deal was, ‘You step forward, and we’ve got your backs.’ And now we don’t.”

Biden’s Betrayal of Afghans (The Atlantic) There’s plenty of blame to go around for the 20-year debacle in Afghanistan—enough to fill a library of books. Perhaps the effort to rebuild the country was doomed from the start. But our abandonment of the Afghans who helped us, counted on us, staked their lives on us, is a final, gratuitous shame that we could have avoided. The Biden administration failed to heed the warnings on Afghanistan, failed to act with urgency—and its failure has left tens of thousands of Afghans to a terrible fate. This betrayal will live in infamy. The burden of shame falls on President Joe Biden. For months, members of Congress and advocates in refugee, veteran, and human-rights organizations have been urging the Biden administration to evacuate America’s Afghan allies on an emergency basis. For months, dire warnings have appeared in the press. The administration’s answers were never adequate: We’re waiting for Congress to streamline the application process. Half the interpreters we’ve given visas don’t want to leave. We don’t want to panic the Afghan people and cause the government in Kabul to collapse. Evacuation to a U.S. territory like Guam could lead to legal problems, so we’re looking for third-country hosts in the region. Most of the interpreters are in Kabul, and Kabul won’t fall for at least six months. Some of these answers might have been sincere. All of them were irrelevant, self-deceiving, or flat-out false.

A war’s secret history (Washington Post) In the summer of 2011, Army Lt. Gen. William Caldwell IV made a round of public appearances to boast that he had finally solved a problem that had kept U.S. troops bogged down in Afghanistan for a decade. “They’re probably the best-trained, the best-equipped and the best-led of any forces we’ve developed yet inside of Afghanistan,” he said. But according to documents obtained by the Washington Post, U.S. military officials privately harbored fundamental doubts for the duration of the war that the Afghan security forces could ever become competent or shed their dependency on U.S. money and firepower. “Thinking we could build the military that fast and that well was insane,” an unnamed former U.S. official told government interviewers in 2016. Over two decades, the U.S. government invested over $85 billion to train and equip the Afghans and pay their salaries. Today, all that’s left is arsenals of weapons, ammunition and supplies that have fallen into the hands of the enemy. Though it was obvious from the beginning that the Afghans were struggling to make the U.S.-designed system work, the Pentagon kept throwing money at the problem and assigning new generals to find a solution. Recruiting was hard enough, but was compounded by startling rates of desertion and attrition. Another biggest hardship was having to teach virtually every recruit how to read. Making everything harder was the Obama administration’s decision to rapidly expand the size of the Afghan security forces from 200,000 soldiers and police officers to 350,000. With recruits at a premium, Afghans were rushed through boot camp, even if they couldn’t shoot or perform other basic tasks. As the years passed, it became apparent that the strategy was failing. Yet U.S. military commanders kept insisting in public that everything was going according to plan.

Blaming Afghans? (The New Yorker) The Afghans now have suffered generation after generation of not just continuous warfare but humanitarian crises, one after the other, and Americans have to remember that this wasn’t a civil war that the Afghans started among themselves that the rest of the world got sucked into. This situation was triggered by an outside invasion, initially by the Soviet Union, during the Cold War, and since then the country has been a battleground for regional and global powers seeking their own security by trying to militarily intervene in Afghanistan, whether it be the United States after 2001, the C.I.A. in the nineteen-eighties, Pakistan through its support first for the mujahideen and later the Taliban, or Iran and its clients. To blame Afghans for not getting their act together in light of that history is just wrong.

Taliban allowing ‘safe passage’ from Kabul in US airlift (AP) The Taliban have agreed to allow “safe passage” from Afghanistan for civilians struggling to join a U.S.-directed airlift from the capital, President Joe Biden’s national security adviser said Tuesday, although a timetable for completing the evacuation of Americans, Afghan allies and others has yet to be worked out with the country’s new rulers. Jake Sullivan acknowledged reports that some civilians were encountering resistance—“being turned away or pushed back or even beaten”—as they tried to reach the Kabul international airport. But he said “very large numbers” were reaching the airport and the problem of the others was being taken up with the Taliban, whose stunningly swift takeover of the country on Sunday plunged the U.S. evacuation effort into chaos, confusion and violence. Pentagon officials said that after interruptions on Monday, the airlift was back on track and being accelerated despite weather problems, amid regular communication with Taliban leaders. Additional U.S. troops arrived and more were on the way, with a total of more than 6,000 expected to be involved in securing the airport in coming days.

#headlines #news

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spicysugarcane · 4 years

Text

I’ll start by acknowledging the fact that almost all characters in Harry Potter did things wrong. That’s what made them so human, their flaws. The marauders ruthlessly bullied Snape but Snape was a bully as well, he was cold and bitter and cruel.

Though that only developed later on due to the societal pressure of being a Slytherin and the negative stigma that was associated with it. (Because if you were a Slytherin you just had to be an evil slimly blood supremacist got right?) So even if you weren’t any of these things and chances were you won’t BECAUSE THEY WERE 11 WHO IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A 11 YEAR OLD TO BE EVIL!! Even if they were a blood supremacist it was likely just their parents views and any chances of their views changing went out the window as soon as they were sorted in to slytherin as no one would associate with them.

(If their views did change them they would either live a life of pain being hated by their housemates and parents, or it was too late and they were at the bottom of a inferni infested lake taking their last breathes thinking (I should have apologised to Sirius.) or marked with a unmistakable taint of evil wondering (is my father proud of me now?)

Even after years he held a grudge against a dead man, James Potter, and decided to bully a orphaned 11 year old. An 11 years that if I may be so bold to state was obviously abused. He was stick thin, didn’t know anything about the Wizarding world had the self preservation of a pigeon of crack and came all wrapped up in wore old dirty three times his sizes hand me downs. That looked like more rags on him. But Snape ignored all of that and decided to verbally abuse Harry, along with a bunch of other kids. All Gryffindor’s for also no reason except there houses.

Which *cough* *cough* doesn’t that sound really fucking similar to another situation. Not even mentioning the fact that Snape is A ADULT and a blood PROFESSER HE’S A FUCKING TEACHER BULLYING A BUNCH OF KIDS.

So Snape is cruel and petty.

Another thing is that he NEVER LOVED LILY EVANS.

Love is not the same as obsession. Which is what Snape has. If he really loved her, he would be HAPPY for her. Not join a radically racist terrorist group that’s whole foundation is killing ‘muggleborns’, just because she didn’t love him.

James eventually grew up and improved for Lily, becoming a better person. Snape didn’t.

He become a reckless murderer killing people in cold blood, for there blood.

The same blood Lily has, the same blood Lily was discriminated and eventually killed for.

If Snape loved Lily he would never do that. Not to mention the fact that he was basically rejected when Lily was alive, and all the other shit Snape did.

Like stepping over James’s dead body, ignoring Harry’s traumatised crying and hugging Lily’s DEAD BODY. Something he was directly responsible for. He was the one that doomed a child to the fate of dying.

The person the prophecy was referring to was definitely a child. So he obviously had no remorse about a child being killed (cause Voldemort was a asshole, but he was powerful, he wasn’t a dark lord for nothing.) or potentially orphaned.

Not only that but the fuck was he thinking when he asked for Lily to be spared, like did he think he would just step aside and let her child, her only living flesh and blood (that aren’t the Dursley’s who are magic hating muggles) just die.

And what was he expecting to happen after James and Harry were killed.

Lily would be absolutely crushed after having the love of her life die. (Like with Snape when Lily died, just the emotions to a slightly less degree, not anything else as Snilly is not love.)

Lily would never forgive Snape and would do anything it took to defeat Voldemort, eventually dying in the process or committing suicide due to grief.

Snape tried getting Remus fired after Remus was homeless for 16 fucking years and took away the opportunity for him to know Harry better (the only link to his dead best friends), the opportunity to be able to teach about werewolves in a way that doesn’t dehumanise them, portraying them as savage filthy animals incapable of behaving like humans, something inhumane and cruel.

Just like how Remus feels about himself, nothing but a dark creature.

If Remus has taught and had staying teaching maybe with time he could have even come to accept himself.

Snape could have most likely known about Sirius not being a death eater and that Peter was very much alive and a death eater, as he was one himself (only stopping cause Lily was in danger, not because he thought killing and torturing humans that were helpless and had no means of defending themselves was wrong.)

But instead of confessing or even saying something, he let someone he KNEW was innocent rot in jail for 12 fucking years. All because of a childhood grudge.

Not even gonna start on the fact that Neville’s parents were tortured to death, but he was scared of fucking Snape, a bloody teacher, someone that was supposed to create a safe and protective environment for students. Like how Hogworts could have been like for him. Instead he just continued on with the toxic cycle of abuse and fear, inside of a bloody school. Cause he grew up like that.

So yeah, Snape’s a fucking dick.

Just because a bad person does something good, doesn’t make them a good person.

Just like how a good person, doing something bad doesn’t make them bad.

That’s the end, of my argument I wrote this at like 2am and I hate Snape, so yeah.

Fuck Snape that bastard.

And fuck the marauders for essentially sexually assaulting Snape in front of 30 or more people just cause he was a Slytherin.

And fuck Lily for not realising that obviously Snape didn’t mean to call her a Mudblood (though he did hold other muggleborns as lesser in his views just not Lily.) and leaving Snape all by himself right after he was just assaulted and humiliated.

And honestly Lily should have broke it of sooner, (not cause he was a Slytherin) but because of his obvious dislike towards anyone lesser than him. Lily should have also tried harder to defend Snape from the marauders and not blamed him when he stuck up for himself.

That’s the end of my rant, peace out ✌️

- jesika rawal (new and improved)

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claroquequiza · 6 years

Note

the commentary thing- the scene where hanzo uses his dragons and "splits" and then unintentionally injures mccree, up to dropping off jesse with OW and running off!

Oh, wow, I’ll have to be careful not to reveal too much...

“Shimada, huh? It’s been a long time since we saw any of you here,” the young man said in a low voice. As he spoke, Hanzo looked beyond him to the four dark figures scattered behind, each leveling pistols straight at Hanzo’s chest. “We’d heard you were getting back in the business, but it seems your masters are uninterested in re-establishing the old alliance. I’ll be sure to let my bosses know. For now--” his mouth twisted into a feral grin, a sadistic look that was all the more disturbing to be resting on such a young face. “--we will send a message from the Yoneyama with your carcass.” He stepped back, clearing the way for his comrades. Almost as one, the pistols raised a minute amount as they prepared to fire.

Somewhere in Hanzo’s chest, something tight relaxed, sending pulses of relief through his heart. At last. This badly planned, knee-jerk of a raid had overcome all his paranoia, all his meticulous planning and cautious execution, all his stubborn adherence to duty and decorum. It was over.

He would die.

Hanzo’s been looking to die for a while.

He had felt this way before. Even as he stared down the barrels of his impending doom, his mind flickered back a few months, to the open balcony overlooking the glittering lights of home, when the thin, sharp edge of death had pressed against the pulse of his veins.

He got soooo close--that moment in “Dragons” when he looks annoyed that Genji hasn’t killed him yet speaks to me. Like, he’s finally been defeated--finally--and then this assassin is just standing there?? What, is he going to gloat?? Just do it before--

But then death had been pulled away to be replaced with two brown eyes surrounded by necrotic flesh.

And then Genji revealed himself and the whole world went insane.

His grip tightened around Storm Bow.

“ No. ”

No.

There are at least two voices speaking.

Death had been pressed up against him, reaching out to still the thunderous blasts thudding in his chest--

--no--

--and it was withdrawing, away from the heat and electricity buzzing through his left arm, the tattoo flashing in the dark. No, that was not right--it withdrew from the tiny, traitorous spark, the one that always blazed to life when he--

This Will Be Expanded Upon.

His grip tightened around Storm Bow.

No! There is nothing to shoot with!

Your bow was never anything more than a toy.

A chipped blade, sodden with blood.

Never--never again!

Then think of it as a club. It was a club, at first, centuries ago.

NO--!

Three people talking, now.

It was difficult to say what happened, exactly, when the dragons took hold. Hanzo had never found an adequate explanation. It was even harder now to explain even as his selves slid away from other, as his eyesight doubled and hearing doubled, as the blue light blinded all of his eyes and the twin dragons’ roar thundered in all of his ears.

So! Genji’s Dragonblade is badass, and we know that Hanzo used to use a sword, so it stands to reason that Hanzo’s sword-based ultimate might be similar to Dragonblade. However, being the heir/kumichō of the Shimada-gumi has to be good some for something, so I wanted to think of a way to make it a stronger yet still memorable/unique version of Dragonblade. Since Dragonstrike has two dragons, it made sense to double Dragonblade!

This has since become one of those times when you think of something cool for a story, and later on you suddenly realize: Oh. OohhhhhhHHHH! I CAN DO THIS NOW AND IT MAKES TOTAL SENSE THANK YOU PAST ME. So expect me to expand on this, too, LOOOOOL.

Did they split him in two, he wondered, as his selves dashed to each side, each swinging Storm Bow. One of him aimed for the neck, the other for the head. Two men were cut down, blood splattering from a ruptured jugular ( he had leapt out of the way just in time, eyes wide with fear ) and a skull cracking under a heavy blow ( he had managed to deflect it so that it sideswiped his head, tearing off his ear ).

Since splitting in two would be Highly Useful, even in Hanzo’s newer life as a homeless hobo assassin, there has to be a very good reason why he would never use it again. Until now.

Did they share him somehow, tossing him from one to the other dozens of times a second, too fast for his human mind to process it? He flashed forward too fast to counter, both of him slicing across the eyes ( hadn’t he done the same to him? No, he must not have, he still had his eyes ) before garroting them with the bowstring ( no garrote had been necessary with his blade--it had worked much better, had been much more efficient ). Two more fell, their screams bubbling out ( just as his had ).

I was worried when writing this because Hanzo does use his bow as a sword in “Dragons”, so I wanted to make the experience as strange and foreign as possible so it was the ult that triggered the flashbacks and his breakdown, not using the bow-as-a-sword itself.

The young man was in the middle of stepping back, his expression still transforming from feral to horrified when he both stepped up and swung, the man’s head caught between the double hammers of Storm Bow and Storm Bow. His skull cracked, the skin bulging as it struggled to contain the shards.

Ew.

He fell to the ground like--

--like a puppet with strings cut--

-- just --

-- like --

Oh, Hanzo.

He turned, both pairs of eyes focusing as he both leapt forward. One of him swung and caught the wrist of the cowboy, slamming it against the cinderblock wall the cowboy had stumbled against as he had tried to hurriedly back away, his ridiculous gun falling from his hand. From behind, he smashed Storm Bow against the side of the cowboy’s knee. It gave way with a resounding crack, and the cowboy tumbled to the ground with a strangled cry of pain intermingled with the crunch of glass and plastic.

Hi McCree! What are you doing there?!

The cowboy looked up at one of him, raising his uninjured metal hand, trying to ward him off even as he brought both of Storm Bow up high to sweep down with the killing blow. The cowboy’s eyes were wide, full of fear, brown irises nearly disappeared behind the dilated pupils. He did not want to die, it seemed.

It was a lot of fun writing for Hanzo inhabiting two bodies sharing one consciousness. I love using tenses in ways they shouldn’t.

I also like the idea of McCree being as close to death as Hanzo and having a similar reaction.

He did not want to die, but it was his duty. It was his burden. He had to--

No.

-- you would perform your duty to Overwatch --

Overwatch. The cowboy was part of Overwatch. Genji had pledged his life--Hanzo’s life--to Overwatch. What was he--?

Just a little indication that Hanzo is not the least bit loyal to Overwatch yet. He’s doing this because Genji told him to, no other reason whatsoever, not even to save McCree’s life.

With a jolt like being doused in supercooled water, there was Hanzo, and Hanzo only. He stared down at the cowboy as the world snapped back into ordinary depth, ordinary sound, ordinary experience.

He swayed, he teetered, and fell stiffly onto his side, his instinct to catch himself completely submerged under a swell of searing, agonizing regret and guilt. It was too much. It had not mattered that it was not a sword, it was too much like last time. Ten years was insufficient, it was too close, it was too much, it was--it was--

The cowboy seemed frozen, sprawled on his side, his flesh hand hanging limply from his smashed wrist, his knee twisted unnaturally beneath him. His clothes were disheveled, his red cape bunched up over his shoulders, a bronze colored chest plate splattered with blood. He was staring at Hanzo, his face blank of everything but fear and astonishment.

McCree: What the hell what the hell what the hell what the hell what the hell--

--it was unacceptable to fall apart here, with enemies all around him, with an Overwatch mission in progress.

With the cowboy watching.

Yeah, why was he just watching, anyway?!

With a supreme effort of will, Hanzo forced the regret, the guilt, the paralyzing fear and loathing, into a cold and hard lump in his chest.

It would not stay that way, but it would for long enough.

He had to do a similar thing ten years ago.

Jerkily, robotically, his face falling into a neutral, almost slack expression, he gathered himself to his feet. The cowboy scooted back, a pained grunt escaping him as he jostled his knee and wrist. Something clinked underneath him as he moved. Hanzo glanced down and saw the the pieces of the cowboy’s smashed comm scattered beneath him, crushed as he had smashed the cowboy’s leg out from under him.

He tapped at his earpiece.

“This is Shimada. Agent McCree is injured,” he said, his voice strangely void. The cowboy narrowed his eyes.

McCree: [TEXT REDACTED]

“This is the medic,” said a voice. Somewhere, deep and far away, a clouded portion of Hanzo’s mind was conscious enough to register a tiny beat of annoyance at yet another unknown person. “What are his injuries?”

“Broken wrist and shattered knee. What is your position?”

“I am en-route.”

“No-go, Mercy. Is your position secure, Shimada?” The low, gruff voice.

Hanzo glanced over his shoulder to the entrance of the alley. “No. There are currently no enemies, but I do not know for how long.”

Yeah, why are there no enemies?!

“Can you get McCree to the warehouse?”

“I believe so.”

“We have the chips. Mercy, meet McCree and Shimada at the warehouse. Tracer, head back to the transport and pick up everyone here. Understood?”

“Right-o! See you in a tic!” chirped the bright voice.

“Understood,” said the medic.

“Acknowledged,” said Hanzo. He took a step toward the cowboy.

He flinched and tried to reel back. “Stay the fuck away from me!” he growled.

Hanzo took two quick steps and slapped him across the face. “I must help you while I still can,” he said quietly, voice still abnormally void, to the cowboy’s shocked face. He grabbed the cowboy’s uninjured metal arm, the titanium cold against his flushed, fiery skin, and pulled him up. The cowboy yelped as his injured knee twisted. Hanzo ignored it as he hefted the tall and wide body onto his shoulder in a fireman’s carry. He squatted to grab Storm Bow off the ground and again to collect the cowboy’s heavy revolver and broke into a slow jog down the alley towards the warehouse.

I really wanted Hanzo to slap McCree at least once. I also wanted Hanzo to carry McCree because he does not have chicken legs, goddamnit!!

He focused on the burn in his thighs and back, on his wild heartbeat and deep uneven breaths as he carried the heavy load. The cold lump in his chest was threatening to burst at any moment.

The high blue walls of the warehouse soon came into view. Smoke billowed out of several broken windows and the wide-open door of the fire escape on the third floor. Hanzo rounded the building, searching for the cowboy’s teammates.

He found them gathered by one of the side entrances. If he was anywhere close to being in his right mind, he might have hesitated at the veritable mountain of grey steel shaped into a vaguely human form, but as it was, with his mind running only the most basic and necessary functions as it struggled to delay the inevitable, he merely trotted up to it. Beside it were three more people, a man who would have been intimidating if he were not standing next to the mountain, face obscured with a visor that glowed a dull red in the city night. Another was a man who was should have been diminutive, barely standing above Hanzo’s waist yet was bulky with corded muscle. Hanzo distantly noted the enormous claw that served as an arm before focusing on the last person.

Hanzo Meets Overwatch Under The Best Possible Circumstances

aka Hanzo just can’t switch off the observational skills

She would have looked average, just slightly shorter than him with blonde hair pulled into a high ponytail, but she was dressed in odd formfitting white armor that branched into white and gold wings from her back, all surmounting with a gold halo that circled her head. She held a white and black, subtly technological staff in one hand. She rushed forward when she caught sight of him.

“You are the medic?” Hanzo asked, slowing to a stop.

She looked him in the eye with a piercing, searching gaze that lasted far too long. He would have tensed, would have stepped back to put distance between them, but he was too busy holding back the tide of his own mind. She nodded at last. “Yes. Dr. Angela Ziegler, callsign Mercy.”

Angela: ...three-pointed eyebrows...

This was an accident. The eyebrows thing didn’t occur to me until I was writing Chapter 9, and it was lucky that she had stared at him here.

Now I get irrationally angry whenever I see fanart of Hanzo without his three-pointed eyebrows.

“Shimada Hanzo,” he replied without feeling. He squatted, and she helped him lay the cowboy on the ground. The cowboy’s eyes were clamped shut, his face blanched and pale.

McCree: I don’t know what’s happening here, but I know he’s jostling my knee on purpose--not that I don’t deserve since [TEXT REDACTED].

She began inspecting his wrist. “What happened?”

The cold lump in his chest pulsed. Hanzo stood with a jerk.

The medic looked up at him, eyes narrowed. “What--?”

“The cowboy will explain. I must go.” Hanzo said as he dropped the cowboy’s gun to the ground and turned away.

McCree: How, though?

“Hold up, Shimada.” The visored man stepped forward. “More of the Yoneyama--”

“I am not so easy a target,” interrupted Hanzo with no heat. “Farewell.”

Whoo, he says that in the game!! And in Chapter 9! Because he wants a catchphrase, even if he doesn’t know it!

With a running start, he climbed straight up the side of neighboring building. Springing onto the roof, he sprinted across the roof and leapt onto the next, and the next, and the next. He merely took whichever route presented itself, reaching at random to the nearest roof or ledge, dropping to street level only to cross to the next block of buildings, focused on nothing more than his breathing, his burning legs, and the next handhold.

He absently noted the industrial buildings abruptly stop, the warehouses and factories sharply transitioning into commercial buildings and apartments, neon and hard light storefronts and marquees slowly brightening the streets. Bordering both districts was a small park, edged with a low hedge that was densely packed with leaves and thick branches. He dropped to street level, digging out his earpiece as he went. He gently clicked it into its port on his comm as he unclipped it from his belt and shoved it into the nearest bush, making sure to bury it as far within as possible before turning away and running silently down the deserted street, bloodshot and increasingly twitching eyes searching the marquees and storefronts.

He soon found one that advertised the supplies necessary to survive the night.

The vending machine had plenty to offer, but he immediately focused on the pink, blue, and white liter cartons of plum wine and sake lining the bottom shelf. With trembling, clumsy fingers, he withdrew a pouch full of rolled up coins from a hidden pocket, a sight as outdated as his kyudo-giand bow. The coins dropped into the slot with loud plinking sounds far out of proportion with their size, and he impatiently watched each carton fall to the bottom of the machine before inserting more. It felt like an eternity before it seemed he had enough for his purposes. He stuffed all the cartons into a plastic bag that he dug out of a nearby waste receptacle and he was back on the rooftops.

In the first published version of the text, I had him break into a liquor store and steal a bunch of vodka--but he very consideringly left money by the register. Then @cantodelcolibri happened to let me know about ALCOHOLIC VENDING MACHINES AND MY HEAD EXPLODED BECAUSE I’M FROM UTAH AND ALCOHOLIC VENDING MACHINES ARE AN EXCEPTIONALLY FOREIGN IDEA HERE OK

All the while, the cold lump in his chest was pulsating, cracking, leaking memory and despair into the pit of his stomach, straining his willpower and his strength. He had to find somewhere soon, somewhere hidden, somewhere high, somewhere where no one would see.

He did something similar ten years ago.

An office building, ten or twelve stories high, pre-Crisis construction with old-style solar panels arranged in neat rows on its roof, waiting to shield him from sight, no neighbors of comparable size. Perfect.

He scrambled up the wall, movements increasingly hesitant and unsure, his chest tightening from the effort of containing himself for just a little longer, just a little longer, just long enough to--

--crawl under the raised solar panels--

--hear Storm Bow and his destroyed quiver clatter to the ground--

--collapse--

--rip open the first liter carton--

--and drink and drink and drink and drink and drink --

--and hold on just a little longer, just a little longer, until the blackout took him, and whatever the cold lump did to him when it finally burst could be safely hidden in the dark.

The last time it took a lot longer than three days to regain consciousness again.

Thank you for the message!! I hope you enjoyed this, too!!

#asks #my fics #behind the scenes #Anonymous

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serpent-jugheadjones · 7 years

Text

The Partner Revealed - Part 5

Pairing: Jughead Jones x Reader

Description: Their investigation on Jason has to take a break while they try to save the Drive-In.

Warnings: None I can think of.

Word count: 5384

A/N: Can’t believe I’m already on Part 5. You guys are awesome for the reading. Sorry it’s such a slow burn. Yep, there’s a subtle Supernatural reference... Thank you @jugheadxreaderinyourhead for helping me with vocabulary.

Jughead’s point of view

Jughead is woken up by loud noises at the Drive-In. He goes down, still in his boxers, ready to strike in case it’s a burglar, but it was just the manager. Seeing him makes Jug feel at ease again, relaxing his muscles, although the fact that the man is putting things in boxes can be a little concerning. “Hey, Jake. What’s up?”, he asks, puzzled. “Here’s your payment, Jughead.” The man hands him a thick envelope. “This is a lot more than I earn.” He tries to hand him back the envelope, for he might have given him the wrong one. “Oh, you don’t know yet. They’re shutting down the Drive-In.”, Jake says, while throwing his belongings into the cardboard box in a somewhat rough manner. Jughead stays silent with a dumbfounded expression. “It’s the month’s salary, next week’s advance and a little extra for all these years of good work.”, Jake explains the amount of money and goes back to packing. “Why?”, he simply asks, still thinking it could be a complete joke. “It was bought off.”, the man says sadly. Just like for Juggie, that place means a lot to him. “You should read this.” Jug takes the letter in his hands with the explanation from the Mayor. He can see the man reminiscing about his youth, talking about how he used to take his dates there, or that he worked at the projection booth douring high school, having managed the Twilight for most of his adult life, just as in many occasions they’d talk about all those things. But it was all going down now.

Jake loads his car with the last of the boxes full of memorabilia and personal objects. He closes the trunk door and shakes Jug’s hand, who is now fully dressed, including his beanie. “Take care of yourself, kid.”, he says with a lot of weight on his words. Jughead is left standing there, looking at everything like it’s both the first and the last time he’ll ever do, until the car is no longer visible. He remembers when he started working there and Jake found him sleeping on a thin mattress on the floor, head on his backpack. He was scared to death of being thrown out and fired over it, but the man simply walked out and came back half an hour later with a rollaway bed, a pillow and some blankets he assembled in the projection room without a word. With all that in his mind, he doesn’t even have time to think about what Betty found out regarding Archie and what she might do with such information.

He returns to his room and sits down on the bed, staring at the letter for a while, not being able to read past ‘It will be demolished’.”. His home away from home, the place in which he has had a few happy childhood memories is being torn down. Jughead looks at the envelope containing his last payment and then at the projection room he’s been living in for the past 2 years, wondering what the hell he’ll do next. He just grabs a jacket and leaves, walking for miles without paying attention to anything. The words from that piece of paper stand out in his mind: anonymous buyer, shut down, scheduled demolition… He adds a few on his own, like jobless and homeless. When this upset boy finally stops to look around, he recognizes the front door he’s standing on: Y/N’s. “When did she became the person I go to when I’m in need?” he asks himself and turns back. “Jughead!”, she shouts. He’s already walking away, not wanting to trouble that outstanding girl with that, when he feels her hand holding his. (She’s not gonna let him go.) He’s actually incredibly thankful she did that. Truth is he doesn’t want to be alone in that moment. He’s just not good at asking for help.

They walk in still holding hands. “Do you wanna talk about what happened?”, she asks, letting go of his hand. “If you don’t mind, that’s the last thing I wanna talk about.”, he answers, missing the warmth of her touch. “I have pizza. Pizza makes anything better.”, she says, taking out the box from the fridge and putting it on the pizza pan to heat it up. “Agreed.”, he tells her, but what really makes him feel better is seeing her. “Your parents aren’t home yet?”, he inquires, looking around, noticing pictures of her as a kid on the walls. “No. There was an emergency somewhere, with some patient.”, she tells him with little interest. “And they just leave you?” He wonders if that sounded rude. “I’m used to it. To be honest, I enjoy it.”, she tells him and he relates to her fondness for being alone, although right now he prefers being with her. “It’s my mom that doesn’t like it. My dad is the love of her life – she can’t stay away from him. But she’d like to be home more often.”, Y/N explains and he wonders if his dad was the love of his mom’s life; if so, how he stopped being.

The pizza is eaten before any slice even has a chance to cool down. Then they talk for hours, about the first time they watched ‘A Clockwork Orange’ and could barely blink, their favorite potato chips flavors, how they both love Edgar Allan Poe, some video games they both play and even a little bit about things he wrote before starting the novel. Jughead even forgets about the Drive-In. That girl makes him feel things he never felt before. He’s never even had a crush on a fictional character and now all he wants to do is be there, looking at her and hearing her talk about things they love. “I can’t help but notice you haven’t used the free food ticket I gave you.”, he remarks, wondering if she hasn’t used it because she’s not into him. Besides, it can be the last time he’s able to. “Wasn’t aware there was an expiration date.” They both laugh. “I was saving it for tonight, obviously. Come on, Jones. Buy me dinner.”, she says with a confident smile, something he had never seen on that pretty face before, and it matches her. “It’s a date… Did I just say that out loud? No, thank god. Also, did I just call this a date?” He rambles in his own mind.

Y/N’s point of view

The Chock'lit Shoppe isn’t far from her home. Even in the slow speed they’re going, it won’t take them too long to get there. “Sheriff Keller stopped by this morning, before you.”, Y/N tells him as they walk. “He’s been going around door to door.”, Jughead reports. “He heard about the fight and wanted to know about my involvement with Jason.”, she says mockingly, with air quotation marks, immediately noticing a barely perceptible frown on Jug’s face. “I told him he should come back another time, when my parents get home. I’m pretty sure he found that suspicious.”, the girl adds. “He doesn’t have any idea what he’s doing. I mean, nothing like that was ever supposed to happen in Riverdale.” He stops as the Sheriff drives by them not failing to stare until he was out of sight. “It’s starting to look a lot like Salem during the witch trials.”, he delivers it eerily and she can see he’ll use that in his novel.

They arrive at Pop’s parking lot. The red light form the neon sign shading their faces, the amazing smell of food being cooked inside watering their mouths. “Jughead!”, someone shouts and they turn around. Betty, Veronica and Kevin are walking towards them. “Hey, guys.”, Jughead responds unexcitedly. “And who’s this?” Veronica asks curiously. Y/N’s just about to answer, detecting Jughead’s difficulty in finishing his sentence. He’s stuttering on ‘she’ when Betty finally answers for them. “This is Y/N Y/L/N. She’s writing with us at the Blue and Gold.”, the blonde reveals and both Veronica and Kevin move on to a different conversation. “Am I?”, she inquires with a quite puzzled expression. “Yeah, if you take my offer.”, Betty concludes hopefully. “What offer?”, Jug asks, even more confused than Y/N. “Betty called me last night inviting me to work with you guys, but I’m not a writer.”, she says, expecting that would be the end of it. “Acording to my mother, you are.” Betty is not comfortable to bring her parent into the conversation, but she’s kinda desperate. “Alice is kind to say that. But if that internship taught me anything, is that I’m not cut out for it.” Y/N tells her, remembering how hard she had to work to keep up with the Coopers. “I don’t know about you guys, but I’m starving.”, Kevin interrupts, already walking in. “I’m Veronica by the way.”, the raven-haired girl introduces herself, shaking Y/N’s hand. “Nice to meet you. I’m a fan of the DIY manner you used to deal with the Chuck situation.”, Y/N says, observing Betty doesn’t take that the same way Ronnie does.

Hermione Lodge comes to take their orders as they sit in a booth. Jughead chooses the place in front of Kevin and Betty quickly sits next to him, leaving both Jug and Y/N wondering if she didn’t notice they arrived together for a reason, but neither being able to tell the girl. Veronica is already sitting next to Kev, so Y/N finds a chair to sit at the corner of the table, felling a bit left out. “So sorry about the Drive-In, Jughead.”, Kevin says, taking a sip from his soda. “What about it?”, Veronica asks indifferently, like she’s just making conversation. “They’re shutting down and demolishing it.”, Kevin explains, as if it was some simple small town gossip. “The Drive-In closing is just one more nail in the coffin that is Riverdale... No, forget Riverdale, in the coffin of the American dream.” Juggie sounds as if he was holding that in all day and now she knows why he looked so doom and gloom earlier. Y/N has a hard time processing the news but doesn’t fail to notice how poetic Jug is, even with the saddest of things. “This doesn’t make any sense.”, she agrees. The Drive-In is where she’d go with her father to watch cult movies and then they’d discuss their opinions afterwards at Pop’s. She can’t imagine that special place not existing anymore. “As the godfather of indie cinema, Quentin Tarantino, likes to say...” Jughead starts, but is cut off by Kevin. “Please, God, no more Quentin Tarantino references.” Y/N definitely doesn’t feel the same way as Kevin over Tarantino references. “What? I’m pissed. Not just about losing my job, the Twilight Drive-In should mean something to us. We should be trying to save it.”, Jughead claims desperately and Y/N is just about to back him up. “In this age of Netflix and VOD, do people really want to watch a movie in a car? I mean, who even goes there?”, Veronica asks rhetorically, making Y/N look at her with contempt, wanting to prove her wrong. “Me.” Y/N starts saying, but is cut off by Kevin, who she thinks has the annoying habit of doing that. “People who want to buy crack.” They both look at each other reprovingly. “And cinephiles, like me and Y/N, car enthusiasts.” Jug looks at her thankfully, really appreciative of her help on the subject. “Anyways, it’s closing because the town owns it but didn’t invest in it. So when an anonymous buyer made Mayor McCoy an offer, she couldn’t refuse...” Jughead is trying to explain, but Veronica cuts him off. ”Anonymous buyer? What do they have to hide? No one cares.”, she speaks her mind, laughing. “I do.” Both Y/N and Juggie say at the same time. “Anyways, you guys should all come to closing night. I’m thinking ‘American Graffiti’, or is that too obvious?”, he changes the subject a little bit. It’s visible he’s already thinking of other options. “Anything starring Audrey Hepburn, or Kate Blanchett.”, Veronica votes and Y/N thinks it’s probably because the girl herself looks like she’s been taken out from one of those movies. “Or ‘The Talented Mr. Ripley’.” Kevin suggests and Y/N wonders if they only enjoy movies they can relate to. She also wonders the same about herself. “You do have Tom’s jaw, Kevin.”, she says. “Thank you.”, he says and she’s not sure if it’s utter thankfulness or sarcasm over being compared to a killer, although a very handsome one. “Betty, your choices?” , he looks at the blonde girl who’s been silent this whole time, snapping the girl’s attention into the conversation for what seems to be the first time so far. “Maybe ‘Pretty in Pink’. How about you, Y/N?”, the Cooper girl wants to know, and Jughead stares at Y/L/N intently. “I think ‘Rebel Without a Cause’ is a good fit.”, she shoots. Hermione arrives with their food, putting an end to that debate.

“That’s an odd combo.” Kev says and looks at the trio who just walked in, making everyone turn heads. Archie with his dad and Miss Grundy, of all people. Betty quickly walks out without Jug or Y/N even having a chance to stop her. They know perfectly well that approaching him like that isn’t a great idea. “What’s happening?”, Kevin asks confused, just like Veronica. “Trust me, you don’t wanna know.”, Y/N responds, hoping they’ll let it go, but it actually makes them more interested. As soon as Betty walks out with the ginger boy, their curiosity grows. Unfortunately, none of them is about to tell why the blonde needed so desperately to talk to Arch. Y/N has just met Betty, having no long lasting friendship loyalty to her, and she doesn’t even know Archie, but she wouldn’t want to be told on if she was in that situation. “What’s happening out there? Do we know? Is it about me?” Veronica asks hurriedly and Y/N thinks how self-centered that girl has to be to think everything is about her. “I have a strong inkling.”, Jughead says vaguely. “I’d stay out of it if I were you.”, Y/N advises the New Yorker and she looks surprised Y/N even knows what’s going on. “But you’re you and I’m me. You do you, girl. I’ll be back.”, Veronica spits on her way out. Kevin respects their privacy out of fear of the unknown.

Jughead’s point of view

Alice shows up to pick Betty up before things get worse. Archie walks back in to his table as if nothing has happened and Veronica looks both pissed and surprised at the same time. “I’ll leave this to your very capable hands.”, Jug tells Kevin, who is desperate for gossip. “Y/L/N, if we may?”, he says pointing at an empty booth on the other side of the diner and she quickly gets up waving the ones staying good bye. They sit in front of each other, just the two of them. “As it should’ve been all along.”, the beanie-clad boy adds trying to salvage what could’ve been their first date. “Why didn’t you tell me about the Drive-In?” That’s exactly what he’s expecting her to ask. “I wanted to forget about it.”, he says sadly now that the anger has gone. “I want to be able to help you, Jug, but I can’t if you won’t let me.” He can hear the honesty in her voice. “Help me print out and distribute the flyers about the last screening?”, he asks for her assistance. “Absolutely. But we shouldn’t give up yet. We have to hit pause on Jason’s investigation. It’s not like we have any new leads anyways.” He nods in agreement. “We should talk to Mayor McCoy about keeping the Drive-In.”, she suggests and he realizes it would be incredible if they could find a way to change her mind about the sale. He’s also amazed at her tenacity to fight for something that is probably doomed, because it’s the right thing. After all that happened this night, he’s glad he didn’t call it a date. It would’ve been a complete epic fail. He pays for Y/N’s food as she hands him the ticket. “Keep it.”, he tells her. “Give it back to me when you need a free meal.”, she says, putting the piece of decorated paper in his jacket’s pocket. He can feel her finger gently touching his body. If they weren’t in a diner full of people, he would’ve probably kissed her.

Jughead arrives early at school to hand out as many flyers as he can. Archie finds him on one of the hallways and starts rambling about Betty discovering his affair with the music teacher. Jug cares about his friend, but he has more important things in his mind, like the roof over his head that is about to be demolished. Even if he didn’t, saying nothing was the most moral choice. He couldn’t either betray Arch and tell Betty not to do anything or warn the red-haired guy without going against Betty, who wasn’t wrong. He assures his friend Betty wouldn’t do anything to hurt him. Despite everything, he can’t miss the chance for some irony. “We’re both trying to hold on to something much older than us.”, he says, as he glues a poster on the school’s wall with a near perfect drawing of James Dean, made by Y/N, revealing the movie of choice: Rebel Without a Cause. Could he make it more obvious he’s falling for her?

Y/N is waiting for him outside after their last class, for they planned of walking to the town hall and talk to the Mayor. “Interesting friends you have.”, Y/N states, referring to the previous night’s scandal. “Archie and Betty are my friends, the others were just there…” He knows how mean that sounds. “So, only the womanizer jock/musician and the absent-minded blonde? Not the gay kid? Or the deluxe rich girl?”, she hits him with the same level of sarcasm he strikes the world with and they both laugh.

Mayor McCoy is not pleased with their visit and she makes that pretty obvious by not giving them her full attention, messing around with papers they are sure could be dealt with after the 15 minutes they asked for. Jughead looks longingly at the town’s model in the middle of the room and Y/N walks right to the Mayors desk in a stern way, demanding to be heard. “The Drive-In is a piece of this town’s history. You want to throw a 75th Anniversary Jubilee while you destroy our roots?”, Y/N asks with conviction and Jughead doesn’t think he could’ve put it better himself. “It’s called progress, Miss Y/L/N. Do you think we kept everything exactly like it was 75 years ago?”, the Mayor asks like Y/N is a kid and that angers Jughead. “There must be something we can do to keep it.”, he demands with a hint of desperation. “I’m sorry, but the Twilight Drive-In it’s a blight that’s become a cesspool, and a hangout for criminals… and transients.”, she says with little regard to the people who love that place. “And the deal’s done. Andrews Construction is scheduled to demolish the lot on Monday.”, she adds happily like that’s a job well done. “Mayor McCoy, when I was a kid, my family and I would go to the drive-in all the time. We couldn’t afford tickets for everyone, so my sister Jellybean and I would hide in the trunk until we parked. We’d sneak out.”, he chuckles and notices the soft expression on Y/N’s face who was listening attentively. “It’s like I’m home.” He emphasizes the word ‘home’, hoping that a more sentimental way could get to her. “Thank you both for your input on this. But the future of Riverdale is at stake. There’s nothing I can do.” She motions them to the door.

Jughead has the look of defeat all over him. “We’re not giving up. We can talk to Mr. Andrews. If he backs out, it will at least slow it down until we find a permanent solution.” She cups his cheeks talking very close to his, making Jughead’s heart skip a beat. He takes a moment to regain control of his body after she let go of his face. “I should be the one to do it. I’ve been best friends with his son all my life.”, he says trying to find an explanation to why he doesn’t want to involve her in this without having to mention his drunk father. “Makes sense. Let me know how it goes. I have to meet Betty for something anyways.” He thought she would be hurt by being left out but it actually surprised him she has plans with the blonde cheerleader. “Are you guys friends now?”, he asks with jealousy. “I wouldn’t go that far. She asked if I was in for some sleuthing. It’s probably Jason-related and she just wants my opinion.”, she explains. “So, about tomorrow… I can borrow my mom’s car. And I was wondering if you’d like to watch the movie from the audience’s point of view one last time?”, she asks with so much insecurity he thinks it’s cute. “I’d love to. I’ll fix the roll and meet you there.”. He looks at the beautiful smile now forming on Y/N’s face, not realizing he has the same one on.

Y/N’s point of view

Y/N stands at the address Betty texted her. Despite she’s not late yet, the Y/H/C girl has her doubts if she’ll really come or if this was just a prank. Thankfully, before she has time to fall into a panic attack over it, she spots the blonde Nancy Drew walking her way, alongside the raven-haired princess. “So much for letting this go.”, Veronica says as Y/N now realizes they are standing in front of Geraldine’s car. “Wow. Are we really breaking into Grundy’s car right now?” Y/N asks while Betty pulls out a slim jim out of her bag. ”How do you even know how to do that?”, Veronica asks whispering and looking around. “My dad and I fix cars together. Thank God, she drives an old…” Betty looks at the other girls with a proud look since she has successfully opened the blue beetle’s door and they all get in. “I have to say, when you said sleuthing I figured it was about Jason and not breaking in the music teachers car.”, Y/N whispers and Betty quickly looks around the car. “If I’m committing a felony, I need at least to ask the question. Are you doing this because you still have feelings for Archie, or…”, Veronica asks and that makes Y/N huff and fall back on her seat felling her body hit something. “No. We’re doing this because Grundy has Archie under some kind of sexual spell, and he won’t listen to reason. We’re looking for anything that proves Grundy isn’t as clean as she says she is.” Betty says. “Probably what you’re looking for.”, Y/N says and hands her a lock box she found on the back seat and Betty expresses a deep ‘thank you’ with her eyes. “Bobby pin.” She looks at Veronica who obviously had many hidden around her perfect wavy hair. “Ok, Ms. Gyver.” Veronica hands her the bobby pin and she masterfully opens the lock. “Nancy Drew detective handbook?” Y/N asks impressed. “Yeah!” Betty is proud to be compared to such a wonderful writer. She opens the box pulling out a driver’s license with the name “Jeniffer Gibson” and Ms. Grundy’s picture making the girls question the teachers real identity. However, what really surprises them is the gun Betty pulls out. They hear noises in the house. “We gotta go.” Y/N urges, already opening her door with as much care not to make a noise as she does when sneaking out of her room when her parents are home. Those little outlaws leave.

Betty convinced them they should tell Archie about what they found. Y/N really wants to be left out of it as she doesn’t even know Archie. But she was involved in it either she likes it or not. Obviously the red-haired wasn’t too pleased about the illegal actions the girl took, but he couldn’t deny that it’s suspicious for his lover to have an ID with a different name and a gun, considering a student was shot. He said he’d deal with the situation on his terms, not Betty’s, and Y/N thinks he’s right. Even if what the lovers are doing is wrong, it’s not their business. They leave with a very angry Archie slamming the door on them.

Y/N hadn’t looked at her phone while she was out breaking the law with Betty and Veronica, so when she get’s home, there are a few texts to answer. She skips her mom’s, going directly to Jughead’s.

From: Jughead

No luck with Mr. Andrews.

From: Y/N

Then let’s think of something else.

He doesn’t reply after that and she’s sure it’s because it must be a lot to take in. She has a lot of unfinished homework to get to. Since they became friends, she’s been spending her time in getting to know him rather than schoolwork. Fact is her parents wouldn’t be pleased if her grades started getting lower, which creates a strong conflict, because she really wants to keep his friendship. Y/N decides to sleep a bit less to try to make everyone happy, including herself, by making a cup of coffee to get her through those papers. She eventually falls asleep on the desk with only a few words left to write on her last essay.

Y/N takes one last look at herself in the mirror before leaving for the Drive-In. She’s not usually worried about her clothes the way Veronica and Cheryl are, because she feels there are more important things than appearance, but right now she wants to look good. She chooses a black see-through buttoned-down shirt that barely shows her bralette underneath, a red wine jacket, dark gray skinny jeans and simple converse shoes. She lets her Y/H/C hair loose and natural. The girl even attempts on wearing some lipstick, giving up at last because it feels too much.

She arrives quite excited at the Twilight, only second to the Serpents, who were probably there a lot earlier. Looking at the big sign showing “Rebel Without A Cause” makes her blush. The girl parks her mom’s 1967 Impala in the middle of the field where the lights from the concession stand won’t be visible and the noise from the gang won’t be too loud. The smell of fresh popcorn fills her nostrils and she buys two buckets, since Jughead will be joining her. Not too long goes by and the whole space is filled with cars. It has been a while since the Drive-In is this crowded. So sad to think it will be the last time.

Half the movie has gone by and Jughead is still in the projection booth. Y/N wonders if she’ll be stood up one more time. The Serpents are being loud and obnoxious, making it hard to hear what the characters are saying. Thankfully, Y/N has watched it many times before, enough to memorize the lines. She can faintly hear someone screaming back to the gangers, telling them to shut up. When she looks behind her, she sees Verocina sitting back down in Kevin’s truck. Everyone hunks in agreement.

The passenger door opens and Jughead sits next to her. “Took you long enough.”, she says, handing him a half empty bucket of popcorn. “Yeah, I ate it.” He chuckles, resting his hand on the back of the seat. “Smooth.” She thinks, glad he did that. Jim has just kissed Judie and Y/N faces him. He’s leaning in, getting closer to her face, brushing the locks of hair away from her face, glancing at her lips. She’s desperately waiting for him to finally reach her. Perfect mere inches from contact are ruined by one of the Serpents turning on his bike to leave and the noise makes him back away, quickly opening the car door. “I should get back to check on the film...” Before she even has a chance to reply, he’s already out of sight.

Jughead’s point of view

Joghead closes the projection booth and slides down till he hits the ground. “What the fuck was that?” He has never kissed anyone, never even wanted to. But then there he was, just about to do it, and he truly wished it had happened. Best of all, he could see she did too. If that darn bike hadn’t made him self-conscious of the risks of his actions, he probably would’ve. He’s not used to being scared, so he just left her there to be alone in his safe haven one last time, but in deep regret.

The movie ends and the loud noise of cars leaving makes him look from the small window at the field. Her car is the only one still parked. Jug wants to go down, but he can’t face her now. His phone buzzes.

From: Y/N

Do you need a ride?

From: Jughead

Nah, thanks. I still gotta fix some stuff, it’s gonna take a while.

From: Y/N

Ok. Good night, Jug. Sorry we couldn’t save the Drive-in.

He’s relieved at her messages. He was expecting her to be mad but it seems as if she could read his mind and know he was just afraid of being rejected. Jughead watches her driving away, wanting to scream for her to come back. Instead, he keeps his mouth shut with dread. He proceeds to pack his bag with whatever he can make fit, mentally preparing to leave for good in the morning, not even sure yet where he’ll go to, his dad’s place being the last one on the list. When he finally lays down, both his mind and body are tired and he falls asleep immediately, letting his unconsciousness continue the act he left unfinished earlier.

He grabs his heavy bag containing all his belongings and some souvenirs from the Drive-In. He takes a look at the walls that were about to be destroyed and he wants to add something of himself to that place. He tags “Jughead Jones Wuz Here” adding a crown on top with spray paint. After leaving his mark on the world, he’s ready to leave but is met face to face with the Southside Serpents’ leader. Anyone else in his place would probably shiver, but he was at ease. After all, the man standing in front of him is his father. FP may be an alcoholic gang-banger, but he truly cares about his son. He ensures his father he will be fine, mostly trying to convince himself. And he leaves The Twilight Drive-In without looking back.

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