#hi I've been ignoring tumblr to get writing done and I keep having thoughts. it's terrible. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

imamonsterfxcker-sorry · 2 years

Text

*MY Opinions on dating the Obey Me! brother's*

Couldn't find someone to write it for me so I'm doing it my self(I've never written before, especially on Tumblr, but this idea is driving me insane so I'm putting it in words for my own sake)

Like i said this is mostly for my sake but if anyone can relate or has they're own thoughts on it pls tell me, would love to talk about this more. 😊

This is my opinion/reasons why i personally would never by romantically involved with any of the brothers

English is not my first language so excuse any/all Grammer mistakes cuz I'm also on mobile while writing this lmao

Warning: Slight NSFW (mostly talk), cursing, talk about hitting/hurting someone

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I still would be friends with them, i wouldn't treat them differently but when it comes to being romantically involved with them I would a hundred percent say no, regardless if I like them or have been with having sex with them for a while and feelings arose (so fwb or whatever).

So this is kinda my take on how would I be/explanation if the brothers sin got to much for me or if they were to ask me out and i said no and they were to ask me for the reason.

Lucifer - I (personally) would not date this man bc he's the embodiment of Pride itself and he refuses to be wrong(even if he is) and I'm way to stubborn so we'll clash a lot. Also something I've seen is Lucifer getting mad at mc for failing grades or whatever and MC apologizing like??? I'm sorry but who do you think you are?! Like I struggle with my memory and that frustrates me a lot so if i fail and this man starts to shit on me for it acting like he's a saint I'm gonna drag him out of anger. I'm talking about I'm gonna bring up every single thing he's done wrong, especially how he's the reason all he's brothers fell bc they followed him after he fell(this is mostly based on a other headcanon/theory i found a while back that really intrigued me). Like he'll have to kill me to shut me up bc I hate people criticizing others as if they're perfect or ignore their efforts to do good(like how they all bully mammon despite how they all use there sin as an excuse just like he does)

Mammon - so i wouldn't date him cuz he'll steal from me and if he does I'll brake his ankles without hesitation. Also while i do feel bad for this man being bullied despite greed being his literal sin if he were to steal from me(i collect a lot of stuff like Levi lol) i would make this man wish he died in the war or I would either make him get my item back, buy me a new one or pay back i spent. And honestly? If that were to happen, him stealing, i wouldn't really trust him anymore or at least have the same level of respect for him bc how can you be a thousand year old demon and not have a sure way to have money? Like? My man you're freaking greed! There are humans rn that are a thousand times more greedy than you'll ever be like wtf? How can you be outstaged like that? And he doesn't even really buy stuff(besides cars) he just spends it the minute he gets it but again how can you not know how to make money already?

Levi - sooo oof this is like so hard bc while Levi has almost the exact same taste in everything as me i wouldn't date him bc of his insecurities and hear me out. I know that makes me sound bad but i also have similar insecurities if not the same but i don't use them the same way i feel Levi does? Like i genuinely feel he uses them as a guilt trip bc he wants you and only you and doesn't want to share? Idk if that makes sense but i personally cannot be with someone that needs constant reassurance everytime you even breath near another person and i have my own issues to deal with so i can't be with him

Asmodeus - so here's the reason i won't date him and i stand by it a 100%. This man will cheat on you literally all the time and also he will make you insecure. I'm sorry but i refuse to believe that a single human can keep the avatar of Lust satisfied like that makes no sense to me? The minute y'all finish fucking he's gonna go out and get with some succubus bc he's still horny and ik for a fact he'll say it means nothing bc he loves you and you should understand bc of his sin. Now onto the insecurities, humans have a lot things that causes wrinkles or blemishes hell even ageing a year can change you a lot so i feel like Asmo would point that out A LOT as small comments like "mc try this new cream for your face" or whatever like at first it might seem sweet but it will bring you down.

Satan - okay so I'm actually very 50/50 with this man bc i feel like he'll be a good partner and he's the only one that actually tries to be in control of his sin but that's not always the case. Here's the reason i won't date him, i feel like it'll be a lot of like walking on eggshells with him bc from what I seen it's the small things that make him angry and i wouldn't want to be with a partner that might possibly hurt me for something i couldn't control you know?

Beel - again another character I'm very 50/50 with bc i genuinely see no issue with Beel or his sin. He does seem like a good partner that cares for them and his loved ones. The only issue i see is slightly similar reasons to Satans, that i might be in danger so it's like a gamble with them. Bc Beel goes full demon mode if he's to hungry or you eat his food(even though he's always eating your food), so that's dangerous bc he can hurt you/eat you.

Belphie - so I wouldn't date him for two reasons. One i truly believe this man is a narcissist or just plain psychotic. He'll gladly hurt you bc he knows with a few words you'll forgive him and come back. Two Just his sin. If you want to date this man DO NOT except to go out or celebrate ANYTHING bc he won't care/try to do anything. He'll sleep through it and not feel bad bc i feel like he'll say that you should know who he is by now and not be mad so yeah. Also he killed us so fuck him for that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

So yeah that's that. Lol i only wrote this bc i saw some writing about the brothers sin and how MC would react but they seemed so sad?(on MC's part, like how MC handled it) Idk if that's the correct word it just seemed to basic? I'm aware that everyone's writing is different and how they interpret the brothers/MC so this is my take on the whole thing and how i would be.

#shall we date obey me #fanfiction #obey me x reader #obey me #obey me leviathan #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me beel angst #obey me beel #obey me satan #obey me belphie #obey me asmodeus #obey me smut #omgmyfirsttimewriting #obeyme #obey!me

122 notes · View notes

foxtoy17 · 8 months

Note

To be a little shit: Every prime number for the NSFW asks >:3c

COME ON

2: I'm fine with eating ass, but I don't like having my ass eaten.

3: I wash my hands every time I masturbate or after sex, so yes.

5: the first time I did rp on here a few weeks back, I had the best orgasm I think I've ever had. I've had sex before but very few times due to anxiety, but something about the experience of acting out a fantasy with someone...

7: uhhh six years, give or take?

11: tongue, both giving and recieving.

13: I've tried putting my own underwear in my mouth while masturbating before, but it was just uncomfortable- the fabric was rough against my mouth and sucked all the moisture from my tongue and made my mouth really dry. If someone shoved cum-soaked underwear in my mouth I think I might like it, but I don't really produce any cum anymore after being on hormones :P

17: No to both.

19: just a boring pair of black boxers unfortunately. I still haven't been able to buy panties or any lingerie.

23: Irl, no. In porn, yes.

29: It's past nine o'clock, and I'm trying to get to bed. As I'm laying face-down and drifting off, a stray thought passes through my mind- a particularly hot piece of art or writing or nude I saw during the day scrolling tumblr, and a shock of arousal shoots through my body, my dick hardening and pressing against the mattress. I try to ignore it, to roll back over and continue falling asleep, but the thought is firmly pressed into my mind, and my cock is straining against my tights, throbbing with arousal- at that point I know I won't be able to sleep until I cum, so I sigh and roll over and open my phone.

First thing I do is take my plushies and move them off the bed and turn them so they can't see me (I am being completely genuine here). I pull my tights and underwear down to my knees, and stick my tongue out to accumulate drool before I let it spill into my palm and start to rut into my hand. I go to one of my trusted sources of material- one of the rp sessions I've done with mutuals, and start scrolling through it. I go back to that fantasy, imagining them there with me, coaxing me and encouraging me to rut into my palm or fucking me hard against the mattress, making me drool and whimper with need- it usually takes me a bit to cum, so I keep rutting and moaning and letting the fantasies run through my head until my pleasure tips over the edge and I grab a tissue to cum into while I bark and hump desperately.

31: Petplay. I know it's the major kink of this account, it's just I didn't really know I was into it until I got on tumblr and having people treat me like a pet and liking it still feels strange. Don't get me wrong, I really really like it, it's just still strange to me >w<

37: No. God I wish I had a dildo.

41: YES YES YES. I especially like even more degrading stuff like cumrag, fuckpet, or slutty fox.

43: I've never done it, but I'm really into the idea.

47: There is no possible way I'm cumming in five minutes- no shame to people who cum fast of course, I think cumming fast is actually really hot. If I only had five minutes I would edge myself to the fantasy of having an owner that shoved a fleshlight over my knot and jerked me off while rubbing my vulpine ears and telling me what a good pet I am.

53: I honestly am pretty boring in my masturbation habits and only do it when I'm in bed and have the time, sorry >w<

59: Ok this is really embarrassing but I've had kind of a crush on one of my friends since high school- he's never dated or had sex and never shown interest in anyone so I've never flirted with him or anything. I'm not pining, I'm happy with our relationship as it is and don't ever want to compromise our friendship, I just also REALLY want him to shove me to my knees and make me throat his cock.

61: Yes, the person mentioned above, though I felt guilty about it.

67: uhh the thing that would probably get me closest to cumming in five minutes is pregnant furry art. Sorry. ESPECIALLY if it's tentacles and oviposition.

71: TW: Heavy mindbreak and objectification. Also I didn't edit this at all so it's pretty trash lmao.

My owner takes their time in locking me into the machine, setting me down softly on the smooth pad that supports my back, then locking my arms down and spreading my legs far apart- my head is locked in last, ears pinned down against my head nervously as they lock the ring gag into my mouth and tie the straps so my head is forced upside down, giving easy access to my tight throat.

They rub gently at my ears, chuckling at the soft whine I give.

"Good kit. You want to be good for your owner, right?"

I can't nod or really move my body at all, so I just make a low moan of affirmation. With that, they really start to set the machine up. First comes a suction tube attached to a fleshlight that they lock over my knot, drawing a low moan out of me at the tightness. I squirm as they guide the large dildo against my ass- not the biggest dildo I've ever been bounced on, but still huge. Lastly is a slightly smaller dildo that they ensure has easy access to my throat before they step away out of sight.

"This'll pinch a bit."

I wince at the slight prick of the IV needle into one of my bound arms, ensuring I have constant access to nutrients and water while I'm being trained (I know you shouldn't or couldn't keep someone alive with just an IV just let me fantasize). With all the preparation complete, I hear the soft footsteps of my owner stepping away, towards the door.

"I'll see you tomorrow, pet."

And with that, the machine turns on. The dual dildos instantly, mercilessly thrust into my holes, making me gag and choke around the intrusions in my ass and throat, meanwhile the fleshlight starts to suck and vibrate with a hum, drawing a low moan out of me that's muffled by the length in my mouth. The machine starts a relentless, brutal pace- in and out, in and out, my knot engorged inside the toy, my eyes rolling into my skull. Though I can't see it, the imprint of the toys in my guts and throat bulge out my skin, showing how much they're gaping me before they pull out and leave me sputtering and gaping.

It doesn't take me long to cum, my hips trying desperately to hump against the restraints as my knot swells and stretches the toy to its limit, pumping out rope after rope of thick, sticky cum that's eagerly slurped up by the machine. The dildos don't stop for a second, and my whines and moans of pleasure quickly turn to whimpers of overstimulation as I'm fucked through my orgasm- and the next, and the next.

I lose track of the orgasms, my holes sloppy and gaped and mind fuck-drunk when the dildos suddenly stop, halting their pace and holding themselves inside me. A moment later a gush of warm, thick cum enters me from both sides as I'm stuffed with my own seed, cumming again with dumb twitches and jerks as my fat tummy swells. When they run out of seed, they keep going.

The next morning, my owner returns to find puddles of drool and cum and slick underneath the machine, fucked out of my sloppy, gaping holes that were made to fit the toys stuffed inside them. The machine turns off with a hum, and I twitch and cum for the nth time, but with the suction off all my cum just slides out of the toy to soak into my pelvis and drip to the floor to join the puddle already there. I'm cleaned out and off, the IV bag replaced, and my owner strokes my limp ears and chuckles softly at the absolute fucked-stupid look on my dumb face- only the whites of my eyes visible, tongue haning limply and a mixture of drool, cum and tears dripping from my sloppy face to the ground. I'm so overstimulated that my whole body is an erogenous zone, and the light touch to my already-sensative ears milks another orgasm out of me as I twitch and shudder.

My owner switches out the dildos for larger ones.

By the next morning my belly is swollen so full I look impregnated, taut and jiggling with my own sticky seed. All my holes are sloppy, and my mind is permanently fucked empty, all traces of vulpine cunning gone and replaced with pliant obedience, and a complete addiction to cumming. Just to test, my owner traces a finger lightly over my popped-out belly button, and I cum for three minutes straight.

73: okay im normal again. I'm not quite sure what that means? If it means walk around with cum inside my holes, then it depends- not in public, I'm far too anxious to ever be into exhibition, but I think the idea of having a partner that makes me walk around the house with cum dripping out of my holes or making me hold it in my mouth sounds really hot.

79: my fingers :( god I wish I had toys.

83: I'm rerolling this one, I got 50: when did you last have an orgasm and how did it happen? I orgasmed four hours ago because one of my mutuals told me to and I'm a good pet.

89: absolutely not lmao I'm so anxious and I can't flirt.

97: One time I jerked off imagining my best friend from high school dominating me and I felt really bad about it because he's a super sweet person.

God okay @chaos--themralds there you go. I feel like im in highschool again doing essay questions for homework (jk, this was fun and thank you!)

#nsft #t4t #t4t nsft #petpl4y #mutuals #mindbreak #objectification #objectify me #my writing #fox writes #ty for the ask!#answered

9 notes · View notes

ad-hawkeye · 9 months

Note

Hello! I'm a pretty new tot player (joined mid-june this year) (also new to tumblr and this blog) and I've been loving artem's characterization in his personal and main stories. But I don't really follow cn leaks (bc spoilers) and pulled for artems 2nd anniversary card without much thought. And hated it. I wish I'd found this blog sooner. Your thoughts on his characterization in the newer cards are very articulate and I think you've done a great job of highlighting the important aspects of his character and his dynamics with mc and how the newer cards are missing it.

On that note, can I ask which of his cards post-2nd anniv feature the old Artem and (especially) the og artemrosa dynamics because my mind tends to stick firmly to canon and I'm having a hard time trying to pretend 2nd anniversary never happened. It's fine if the plot isn't too exciting as long as the artemrosa interactions are good and Artem isn't suddenly a suave sex god (or has a randomized hobby as his selling point).

I don't have many of his old cards since I joined late and wanted to know if I should pull for new cards or just wait for the old card reruns.

That's all!

OMG HI!!! welcome to tot land and also tumblr!!!! i hope the fandom's been welcoming here! : D

ah gosh, i think people like you are why i was so anxious about second anniversary dropping on global. i am genuinely SO sorry. it comes out of no where. like it's a very notable drop in quality and shift in characterization, so anyone just pulling for second anniversary thinking it'd be fine just. woof. it's honestly EXTREMELY bizarre.

i really appreciate your kind words though!!! i started tot back during 2021 with the lost gold event, so all i had was the original artem for well over a year and got used to him, so it STUNG when second anni dropped. i totally and completely understand where you're coming from here, we're in this together!!!!!

oh gosh i haven't read ALL of the new cards yet, but i know enough that should be able to help for now. i do plan on watching them once i gather the Nerves to do so and writing a list of the must pulls and the must misses HAHAHA BUT. FOR NOW!!

MR cards can be missed unless if you really like the card art. the audio has always been pretty pointless and skippable. can't think of any SRs coming up for artem. go figure. his au SSRs (bakerlon, etc) are all good and in the clear. worth pulling for, imo, esp if you like the art.

skip any SSRs where it seems like artem is just doing a random new hobby. this includes his billiards, racing, and surfing cards. skip any top up SSRs. aside from saving you money, all of the new top up SSRs are just pure fanservice.

fluffy fuzzy time is in the clear. in all honesty it's baffling that a card where artem is flustered about mc playing with his hair comes after the sex god daddy dom card but whatfuckingever who needs consistency

his upcoming personal story card isn't like, life changing, but it's in the clear from what i remember of watching it. the art is very cute too.

third birthday card isn't amazing, but plot and character wise, it's also in the clear and has very cute art.

the other SSRs i know nothing about, so i can't speak for them yet. my apologies!!!! i'd personally recommend focusing on artem's older cards (i genuinely love all of them except for like. por una cabeza which is just kinda mid), as they are still stronger character wise than the newer ones, but the ones i listed ARE still fine. the game itself likes to only pretend second anni happened every once in a blue moon so it's very very easy to ignore . THANKFULLY.

thank you again for the ask anon!!!! i hope i could help! keep an eye out for when i get to watching all of them, i DO want to make that list HAHA

#asks #anon #fifty shades of artem

5 notes · View notes

mppmaraudergirl · 2 years

Note

Hi!

I was wondering if you had any advice for fanfiction authors who want to get their works out to a larger audience. I currently have some stuff written but it isn't really taking hold on Tumblr or AO3...

I guess what I'm asking is if you have any advice on getting stuff out to a larger audience; maybe you could share your own personal journey through gaining a decent fanbase, etc.

Hi there!

I'm not certain I'm qualified to give the best advice here but I will walk through my fandom experience and hope it helps! I know it's going to be long so I'll put it under a read more.

I wrote my first fic in 2003 as a young teenager and have hopped in and out of the fandom ever since. Notably returning in 2015 then 2018 then back in 2020 to cope with life in the pandemic. If you would have told me in 2015 that I'd one day have a fic that got over 1000 kudos I would've laughed, thinking that type of response was never going to happen. And to be honest, I think luck definitely has a part to play in those things happening so don't discount that either.

But one of the things that is different now compared to any of my past forays writing/posting fic in the fandom is that I have been extremely active in the fandom in the following ways:

Joining the Jily discord—I've made some great fandom friends, and some I consider friends beyond the fandom now; I've chatted with people about random silly questions (like, between James and Lily who ignores the expiration date on food and who is a stickler for it; and, what do James and Lily use as bookmarks for their textbooks); beta read and had people beta read for me; taken prompts, submitted prompts, talked about some completely ridiculous prompts (@mabeltothknows and her Lollipop lady murder mystery fic). It is also a place where anyone can post fic recs (their own or those they've read and adored). The discord is 18+.

Joining Jily challenge/writer fests—Similar to the discord, joining these types of fests have gotten me to meet and chat with more people in the fandom. I've done Christmas exchanges, jilytober fest games, jily challenge monthly fic themes, and even joined in with a few others to make Shirtless JP May a thing in 2021. Those who put effort into running these fests (Clo, @siriuslychessi, @joyseuphoria, @theresthesnitch, @clare-with-no-i to name a few) are not only encouraging but also connect people with each other and boost the content out.

Engaging with people on Tumblr—I know this can be a daunting thought, to have an active blog, to send asks and messages with a name instead of on anon, but that's really a great way to get to know people in the fandom. And I acknowledge that may sound like you have to be "in" to get your fics read, but from my perspective, most people want to find new stories to read and don't purposefully ignore newer writers. I don't want to speak for anyone else, but I know for me, I struggle to keep up with the amazing writers in the jily fandom with all of my real life obligations and the free time I try to spend writing. That means I don't spend a ton of time hunting for new fics to read. It does not mean I don't want to find new fics to read.

Anyway, I think this comes down to the fact that fandom is a community and the more I've engaged and made friends, the more people have engaged with me.

If you want to reach out to me directly via messaging or another non-anon message to share your work or talk about anything in more detail please feel free to! :)

#mpp talks fandom #mpp rambles as usual #idk man

12 notes · View notes

anouri · 1 year

Note

if you dont have any advice feel free to ignore this but do you have any tips for getting back into writing after not doing it for a while? recently fell out of a fandom ive been in for ~2 years & i still want to write but i dont know What anymore

hi! i don't have any solid or structured advice, but i can tell you what i've done in the past to get me out of a rut and hopefully it helps!

i think the biggest thing that causes me to kind of get stuck is when i try to plan what i'm writing too much. i know a lot of writing tips say "outline this, outline that, plan your characterization, etc etc" and i (perhaps controversially) say fuck all that! 75% of the stuff i write has no strict plan, because whenever i do that i end up backing myself into a corner. lots of my writing comes from me just throwing down the first thing that comes to my head, even if it doesn't make sense logistically—you can always edit later, but i find just dumping your thoughts no matter how incoherent gives your mind the freedom to be creative and helps when you don't know what to write

so, i guess i would say is to literally write the first thing that comes to your mind and try to word associate from there. idk what fandom you're in, but i'll give a marauders example just bc that's what i write for lol: for some reason, the first thing that came to mind was remus & coffee. okay, so i have two things, a character and a topic or object. so then i have to come up with some sort of conflict or something going wrong, something that'll incite whatever plot i have in the future. the first thing that comes to mind is the coffee getting spilled on him. okay, so what could cause coffee to get spilled? maybe he's already had too much coffee, so his hands were shaky and he dropped it. why has he had too much coffee? he couldn't sleep last night. why couldn't he sleep? he argued with sirius. why would they argue?—

i'm not sure if this is helping at all, but you see what i am doing, yeah? all you need is just one character and one other thing, and just keep asking yourself 'why?'. this gives you a starting point and maybe you'll come up with a more in-depth idea or plot to write about, or maybe you'll just continue to follow that train of thought. i don't think the latter is a bad thing, either. (and if you can't think of a word or scenario, you can google 'random word generator' or you can look up writing prompts on tumblr. i've done both before)

if you do feel the need to plan What, i really think the only plan that is maybe necessary in terms of fics is a beginning, the conflict that happens about 3/4 of the way through, and the end. the rest you can work as you go through it. think about what your favorite thing is to read, and perhaps that'll help. what is your favorite sort of conflict? maybe you enjoy reading interpersonal conflict, or maybe you enjoy a character's primary conflict to be with themselves. how do you like the fics you read to begin and end? do you like fics that jump straight into action or ease you into the plot? i think asking yourself what you like is also another way to get ideas

but yeah! this was rambly, but i really hope it helped at least a little bit!!

OH editing to add: i just realized what you meant by fell out of a fandom. in terms of that, my advice is still the same; if you mean that you want to write original work than fics, i'd say instead of fandom characters you can just insert your own. drawing from your own personality or people you know is a good place to start, and then you can develop a character's idiosyncracies from there as time goes on

#and feel free to ask more questions if you have them #or if you want more clarification or anything i'm not sure i made total sense #it's hard to explain my thought process whilst writing hahaha #anouri answers asks #a decomposing dump of my thoughts

3 notes · View notes

freedomfireflies · 10 months

Note

Hi <3 First of all, I want to say how much I love your stories and your writing, you’ve become my favourite one here on tumblr and I have basically memorised all of your masterlist because it’s just too good.

I just wanted to say something, and please don’t take it as an offence because it’s really not, it’s just a thought I wanted to share with you as an italian person who, unfortunately, has been a witness of the romanticisation of mafia in the last couple of years (of course I’m talking about Mine).

Mafia is not something to be proud of, and it’s definitely not like the one portrayed in books and films. It’s much worse. It’s blowing cars up, robbing innocent and honest, hardworking people and it’s about unliving people and CHILDREN in the worst ways you can think of.

I understand the charm of the bad boy who’s involved in some sketchy things and is some sort of criminal, I read stories like that all the time, but it’s a completely different thing from Mafia.

I sincerely hope I haven’t offended you, and please, feel free to completely ignore this, it will be just between the two of us.

I don’t want you to feel guilty, because I can understand how someone from an another culture doesn’t really get what it means, but as someone who has grown up hearing all kind of stories, I couldn’t stay silent.

Sorry for the rant, and again, please don’t take offence, I’m saying this with good intentions.

Trust me when I say I really like your stories, and I give you my compliments for writing so well. It’s something I truly admire. I can’t wait to read more extracts from Teach Me, my number 1 story here.

If you’ve read all of this, thank you for your time! I wish you all the best.

Hi!! First of all, thank you so much for reading and being here and being so kind 😭💞

Second, I appreciate you taking the time to tell me this!! I never want anyone to feel off-put or uncomfortable by something I've done or written!

I completely understand what you mean and where you're coming from. When I decided on this trope in particular, it was not to romanticize or play it up in any way.

Mostly, I needed a job that would explain his overprotectiveness, his demeanor, and why she would need bodyguards/would be isolated most of the time.

Honestly, this story was only ever meant to be smut, and was not meant to dive too deeply into his job and what he does. Chapter 2 does get a bit deeper into the topic but other than that, I believe most of the mafia talk is reduced to quick conversations about meetings Harry needs to be having.

I wouldn't mind changing his field at all, however Tumblr has rules about edits through reblogs and if I were to go back and change the original post, unfortunately, it wouldn't copy over to everyone else's version.

But I absolutely do not mind thinking of him as something else instead or simply having a nondescript job!

And going forward with the extras, I will make sure not to mention the mafia or dive into the details of his work!

I know that can't fix what has already been written and I'm not sure if you were asking that I stop writing it altogether. But I hope that at least by making sure not to mention the mafia in the future and keeping the field of his job vague, it can potentially make the experience for anyone else that might read a little better!

I so appreciate you telling me this and reaching out to share that you were uncomfortable. I know this is a very popular trope and I would never want to romanticize the mafia itself in any way. Again, this story was mostly just about a dominant Harry that likes when people watch him fuck HAHAHA 😭 And that was all I ever wanted it to be!

Thank you again for taking the time to educate me, to read some of the other stories, and for being so kind!! If there's anything I can do to improve or anything else you want to chat about, please let me know!! I will always be here 💞💞💞

1 note · View note

rosebud-anonymous · 1 year

Text

Will coming back to Tumblr bring back my teenage angst?

So, it's been a hot minute since I've done anything worthwhile on this website - if I did anything worthwhile in the first place is questionable.

As I've grown older, I've come to learn that I'm a person who loves to write (even if it's total trash), and inside me is an overwhelming need to share my voice and thoughts (without absolutely steamrolling my friends and family).

If you don't know what steamrolling means in this context, I'm basically saying that I don't want to turn into one of those raging pain in the ass people who dump all of their unsolicited thoughts and opinions on their loved ones. I care about them too much and frankly, anything I'm writing about is probably not something I'm forwardly proud of, and that's why I've chosen to keep myself anonymous. Sometimes there is shit that I want to get out there (don't worry, I'm not hateful or racist) but I don't actually fancy discussing it with anybody. Essentially, I've been inspired to jump on here and purge whatever's inside me in the form of written word. Don't worry, I'm not expecting you to find this interesting (but I'm impressed if you've read this far). I'm here to serve myself and myself alone.

My first thoughts about this platform actually lead me back to a stressful time in my life - being 17. Ha, I know, STRESSFUL. As if.

I like to laugh at myself for thinking that life was genuinely stressful at this age, it's easy to look back on your past self and cringe over something like this. But I think it's time to change the narrative and stop this intergenerational trend of who had it harder, or in this instance, dismissing the feelings of my past self because I know I have dealt with worse things since then.

At this age, you start to experience many new feelings and experience things you've never experienced before. Every time I think about Tumblr, I think about a boy hurting my feelings and making me feel like an absolute knob. Laughable now, but I'll give you a quick summary of what happened.

I'm 17 years old, I've recently left my years-long high school relationship and have started dating a boy a few years older than me. That's right, I'm the cool kid on the block with a boyfriend who has already left school and can buy my tobacco for me. Hell yeah. But oh, what's this? The ex girlfriend he was completely over and 'hated' was still trying to get in contact with him. No problem, he was ignoring her and I was his number one. Hell yeah.

We're four months (ha!) into our relationship and what do you know, the little shithead found a very cunning way to keep in touch with her without me or anyone else knowing - that 'ask an anonymous question' function on Tumblr. They would send little messages to each other as 'anonymous' via the question box, delete the message they had received and then send their replies anonymously back via the same function. Almost like an anonymous Snapchat, if you will.

Fortunately for me, he made the grave error of checking his message/question inbox in front of me which revealed my worst horrors. It was clear as fucking day who was behind that anonymous title, and you bet that was a clean cut 'fuck off' from me after that. It didn't stop my feelings from being hurt or the humiliation that followed though. Over ten years later, I still find this act incredibly snakey, but I'll give them ten points for creativity. This was the short story about why I associated Tumblr with teenage angst, and still do to this day. This story alone has sent me back to those tough days as a heartbroken teen.

This particular individual had some dirty secrets, and one day I might reveal a thing or two. I guess it will depend just on how petty I'm feeling - there's a reason I've chosen to do this anonymously, ha!

That's the end of today's waffle. Enjoy the maple syrup.

#tumblr #writing #teenagers #story #blog #absolute crap

1 note · View note

littlemxmisfit · 2 years

Text

So it's pride month, obviously. Last year I was really active during pride month doing a pride bingo from Tumblr. This year, I'm struggling to find what to say. It's the anniversary of the Pulse nightclub shooting. Something that should never have happened and it seems like everything has gone down hill since then. All the anti-trans bills, the Don't Say Gay bill, the bathroom debate. It just seems like the hate has been amped up to 100 since 2016. And in a way, it has because all the bigots, haters, trolls were shown that they can get away with their hate. And I also know that I was looking at the world through rose-tinted glasses. I firmly believed that if I just helped educate others about the LGBTQIA+ community the hate would go away. I trusted my government and the politicians that I elected would do the right thing. I grew up hearing about trans people being murdered and nothing being done about it. I remember waking up the day of the Pulse shooting, the feelings I felt, the tears I shed. I thought if I shared resources, facts about the LGBTQIA+ community, and other people's posts that wrote far more eloquently than I was enough. Then, the leak from the Supreme Court about overturning Roe v Wade came out. Up till now, I hadn't been directly attacked. I've been blessed to not to have had hate directed at me personally. And I know that the Supreme Court isn't going directly at me, they're going at everyone with a uterus. But this is what woke me up, it gave me the kick in the ass that I needed. I knew that after Trump won, even well after he was out of office, that the hate would continue. But I still thought something would happen to show that we will not stand for hate. Yet here we are halfway into 2022 and none of the big wig politicians that helped to incite the January 6th insurrection have gotten in trouble. Sure they're getting investigated and the democrats are hopeful they have enough to charge Trump but it's taken this long to do something about it and there is still that possibility that nothing will happen. Marjorie Taylor Greene and many other bigoted politicians are still in office. I voted for Kyrsten Sinema twice, I donated to her campaign. I was so proud to have a member of the LGBTQIA+ community in our government, I believed that she was going to do what she promised to do. And she turned out to be just as corrupted as the other politicians. I've lost faith and trust in my government and the people who run this country. I grew up loving my country, I was a patriot. I can see how great this country could be and yet we just keep going backwards. This isn't a "I'm giving up post", it's far from that. This is a "I love my country but we can do so much better" post.

I saw a post on Facebook today. It was a parent talking about their trans son and how important gender affirming care is. It was a beautiful post with various pictures of the sons journey, you could feel the joy radiating from his smile. It made me smile. Then I go into the comment section(I know, big no-no) and I see all this hate and ignorance. What got me the most were people saying that kids are too young to know their body. I know from personal experience that that claim is bullshit. I was 6 years old when I started telling people that I'm neither a boy or a girl, I didn't have the word Non-Binary at the time so I took the word tomboy and changed its meaning for myself to mean both boy and girl. Because if I don't feel like either then surely that means I'm both. I was wrong and it took until I was 20 to learn that but that's what happens when you live in a progressive society. We discover terms that we didn't have before. Anyway, back to the post. I see all these comments and I originally was just going to share the post and write my own little blurb. I started to do that and I just stopped. This is my problem, I don't use my own voice. I use others. I've been taught to never stoop to your opponents level. Don't raise your voice instead speak calmly. Both can be good advice but there comes a time to raise your voice and to call out people for what they are. So I wrote my own comment. I wrote about my experience in being gender non-conforming, about my suicide attempt at 16 due to all the hate in the world. I didn't stoop to their level but I called them out on their hate and ignorance. I used my voice.

A band of mine released a new album last month. I was really busy and was able to give it a listen just recently. The band is Halestorm and the album is Back From the Dead. I could gush about this album all day as I think it might be their best yet but there is one song that really resonates with me. It's called Terrible Things(I'll share it after I post this if Tumblr lets me). One of the lines is "I see a sickness in a world on its knees". The song is really beautiful and it perfectly describes how I feel right now. I see how we can change this world, I see how we can get to the best version of ourselves. And yet, we just don't do anything and those that do raise their voices get hate. We'd rather be content living in a world full of hate than admit that we need to change. I don't want to be content with our world as it is today, I want to change the world. As of right now, I don't see much of a future for anyone. I'm prepared to die fighting for what I believe in and for what is right. I will no longer go silently into the night, I will go kicking and screaming. By all means celebrate Pride for what it is and for how far we have come. But keeping reminding yourself that we still have so much to do.

#pride month #we need each other #we need every voice #all trans people are valid #black lives matter

1 note · View note

castiel-left-his-mark-on-me · 3 years

Note

Hi, Ary, very inactive ex-mutual(i think???) here. Good to see you thriving! ♥ It's been a while since I've dipped my head into cockles stuff. Could I perchance maybe ask uuuuum tf is going on??? lol I see Mish apparently confirmed he used to stay over at Jensen's in Van, and heard newbs were apparently freaking out about it and getting a bit messy, which I get that, business as usual. But I'm also seeing shit about spin-offs? And Jared getting in a twitter fight with Jensen, causing/resulting in stans to going feral and sending hate?? I know you're not as big a fan of Jar, but that's part of why I figured I'd ask you, you usually have a really level head about this kinda stuff. If you don't wanna answer publically, or at all, that's totally chill!

Hey, Rhi! We're still mutuals! Of course we're still mutuals! When I saw the notification of your ask, I was like "Hey! I haven't seen you in a while!" and my husband was like "???" and I said "Tumblr" and he said "Oh."

It was a wild time haha.

In any case, welcome back to the dumpster fire! We are obviously still a mess. So to catch you up, I guess I will start by summarizing both before and after the finale (not sure where you left off so this might be redundant for you) ... basically, it became obvious as the end of the show neared that Jensen was not on board with the plan for the finale; although Jared never stopped singing its praises.

We got confirmation of this during a zoom interview where Jensen said that he actually went into the writers room as well as called Kripke to basically voice how he didn't agree with the direction the final season was going, but he was shot down on all fronts. In another interview, he was asked "What would you tell your younger self going into this career?" And Jensen responded with: "I would tell myself to just keep your head down and do the work" meaning, "Don't try to change things because you can't." I also think that this whole situation is what he wrote "Let Me Be" about for his first Radio Company album, but that is just my own speculation. All of his reluctance, even though he always followed it up with "But I eventually saw the value in the script" or "I came around in the end" (which never sounded sincere, and I don't think he was really trying to sound sincere) made us all very nervous about what was to come for 15x20; and of course, when the last two episodes aired, we saw just how badly they fucked it up.

After the awful finale, the entire fandom became aware of the CW's heavy handed role in the thing, basically squeezing all the life out of SPN to shape it into a ramp from which Walker could launch itself. They not only erased all the love and joy and representation that Cas's love confession gave us, they also tore apart the things that made sense about the bond between Sam and Dean, making it really just about Sam-- and therefore Jared, which of course, Jared seemed to be fine with ... even though no one else was. Misha barely said anything during the finale, and a few of the other actors talked about the show ending in various posts, but Jared tweeted up a storm ... and Jensen? Jensen just sat in sexy-silent resentment of the whole thing. He didn't tweet, he didn't post, he didn't say a word once he no longer had to, and I think that's because he was already going full-steam-ahead on his plans for redemption.

Which brings us to Chaos Machine-- Jensen and Danneel's new production company that is being run by a queer creative director and has a mantra of inclusivity and representation woven throughout it's fabric; and apparently, the first story that Jensen wanted to tell through this new platform is the origin story of Sam and Dean's parents; so last week (?) he announced the upcoming production of "The Winchesters" -- the untold love story of John and Mary. Obviously, John is not the most likable character from the show, so the idea was met with a lot of resentment when it was first announced, but Jensen has gone on to say that he is excited to take on the task of telling the "true" story behind these characters-- the one that makes sense with the pre-established canon and doesn't reject it. So, given that, the idea is being mulled over with a bit more optimism from the fandom.

Who isn't being optimistic though?

Jared Padalecki.

When Jensen made this announcement on Twitter, many of his friends and coworkers congratulated him, but not Jared. Jared responded with a passive aggressive: "I'm happy for you, man, but I wish I didn't hear about it through Twitter." This of course, sent all the die-hard Jared fans into a tizzy and they immediately began asking him if he was serious (hoping it was just a joke-- we all hoped it was because there would be fallout no matter what one's opinion on Jared is). Instead of leaving it there though or just deleting that tweet, Jared went on to tweet some more, saying that he was being serious that he didn't know about the plans for the prequel, and that he was "gutted" that Sam apparenlty wouldn't be included (mind you, this a prequel to SPN... meaning BEFORE Sam and Dean were even born, so how could Sam be included? But Dean is apparently narrating this story so maybe Jared thought Sam should be helping to narrate it? I don't know). But Jared being Jared couldn't just leave that there, he then went on to tweet at Robbie Thompson who was announced as a writer for "The Winchesters" so then Jared went off on him too, calling him "Brutus" and a "coward" acting like Robbie betrayed him (speculation is-- Robbie refused to write for Walker, so Jared is pissed that he essentially chose Jensen over him). He did fairly quickly, remove that tweet attacking Robbie, but of course the damage was done at that point. And it truly only took his first tweet calling out Jensen for some people to be like "Jared-- that sucks if you didn't know but why are you saying any of this publicly?"

As you might know, Jared has had issues in the past with posting hurtful things on social media, and has even used it as a tool for attack before-- calling out customer service agents and public workers that he felt have wronged him, which is bad enough ... but for him to then do the same thing to his best friend of well over a decade? Many people who had once liked him or at least gave him the benefit of the doubt (I used to ...) stopped after this latest twitter tantrum.

However, some people have suspected for some time that J2 had a falling out either shortly before the finale or just after. Their public/social media interactions have seemed awkward, stilted or even non-existent in moments that they normally wouldn't be. In the past year, when Walker premiered, Jensen didn't say much about his friend's new venture other than a "Congrats. buddy" here and there. Later, we learned that Jensen refused to work on the show ... Jared said he make him do it, drag Jensen to the set "kicking and screaming" which made many fans quirk up an eyebrow because, why would Jensen put up a fight unless the two weren't as close as they used to be? And then Jensen moved his family to Colorado (either permanently or for an extended period at least) which is notable considering how he moved to Texas seemingly to be closer to Jared, even buying a house that was near his. All this was just speculation though; but it wasn't until Jared's tweet complaining about not knowing about the prequel that the theories behind them falling out, became less theory and more fact.

The day after his twitter tantrum, Jared tweeted again-- not retracting his statements or apologizing, but instead saying that he and Jensen "talked" and were "all good". Jensen then tweeted too, parroting this statement to some degree, which only made the whole thing even more sour in the mouths of the fans. The fact that Jared didn't apologize for his outburst and throwing his friend under the bus, and also the fact that Jensen-- Mr. Sexy Silence, Mr. Never Tweets, Mr. Tech-Ignorant-and-Proud, actually had to POST SOMETHING saying that he and Jared made up, it just screamed OPTICS. It was obviously the work of agents and PR firms and lots of people going "Look, if you two keep beefing, that will mean the death of both of your projects. Even more people will stop watching Walker, and this SPN prequel will never get picked up due to the scandal." So, the two "made nice" publicly to quell the chaos, but in my opinion, it's all too little too late. Jared started a storm that he can't contain now with a little tweet, and it seems like he knows that too because before he talked about him and Jensen making up, he asked that people "not send threats". He could have just as easily said that he shouldn't have made this a public issue and that he's sorry, but instead, he continued to play the victim and stoke the flames by alerting us all to the damage he's done.

Now, like I said before-- I used to give him the benefit of the doubt. I don't think he's an awful human or that he deserves to be attacked or anything, but he is an adult man with very poor judgment and an obvious selfish-streak a mile wide. He should know better, and he should have more respect for his so-called "friends" and "brothers" than to make them targets to public ridicule. I have a hard time believing that Jensen still sees Jared the way he used to, and I wouldn't blame him a bit for wanting to pull away-- especially when he's moving on to so many new and exciting things. Jared certainly deserves happiness just as much as anyone else, but he went on twitter and basically asked for a scandal, and he got one.

The question is now-- was there a motive behind it? Was just looking for a reason to bring his and Jensen's falling out to light-- while making himself looking like the victim in the process? Or did he genuinely not know about the prequel and just decided to go about "not knowing" in the most toxic and hurtful way he could manage?

In any case, that is the drama ... that is the J2 insanity in a rather lengthy nutshell ... that is the tea ... and I hope it all makes sense.

But the good news out of all of this is, Cockles is thriving-- they are happy and in love and Jensen calls Misha "Babe" and Misha misses waking up to see Jensen in the morning, and they are just as cute and wonderful as can be.

So, I will end that there. I am so glad to see you back, and I hope I answered all your questions in a way that made sense ... I tried anyway!

💖💖💖

#omg #I don't even know if this makes sense #this took way too long to write #j2 #cockles #long post #spn family #so glad you see you back again my dear #welcome to hell #it's hotter now

170 notes · View notes

thebigoblin · 2 years

Text

2021 Fic Year In Review

Thanks for the tag @greyhavenisback and @radio-chatter!

Total Number Of Completed Works:

102 on AO3. I crosspost between Tumblr and there so I'm pretty sure that's all of the fics I've written this year (which is actually my first year publishing fanfics!!!) Oh, wait, make that 103 because of the Sterek Secret Santa fic that hasn't been revealed yet!

Total Word Count:

*checks stats* It's a whopping 165, 447 words!! Including the SSS fic.

Looking Back, Did You Write More Fic Than You Thought You Would This Year, Less, Or About What You’d Expected?

Definitely more. Way, way more. Like, I just wanted to write because Ideas, you know, that kept knocking at my brain to be let out. And I did let them out and now here we are. Wow. I'm feeling incredible right now 😂

Fandoms I’ve Written In:

Teen Wolf, MCU, 911 Show, Supernatural and BBC Merlin. Tho maximum fics are for a certain Sourwolf and Spark ♡

Most Popular Story Of The Year?

By both Hits & Kudos: Hidden Treasure (MCU)—it is so bad though ohmigod and it has 10k hits. What the ever loving fuck. But also, I get the appeal 😂 any and all "Peter Parker gets embarrassed by his adoptive family aka The Avengers and his classmates find out he is Spider-Man/find out how he is a well-loved BAMF" are top-tier, tbh.

What’s Your Own Favorite Story Of The Year?

Hmm, let me think. Orbit (yours is the only one i'd follow) is probably my favorite. It's just me sort of being introspective on the various romantic relationships, with Stiles' POV. I especially love my Petopher one:

Peter and Chris are like gunpowder and a match, waiting to touch and to spark; Stiles doesn’t know who is who, all he knows is that they are two people who are meant to be in the same circles. On the exact opposite sides, maybe, but always with a path laid out for them to trace back to the other one.

Like a never-ending path of love. More than love; family, hate, trust, respect.

Peter and Chris have covered everything, and now they’re on the same side, in each other’s reach but still their own person as they move forward.

Do You Have Any Fanfic Or Profic Goals For The New Year?

Keep writing? Yeah, that's one. Get the @sterek-roundrobinchallenge to be a successful Sterek event, that's another. And I'm planning on trying to do the 24 Fics in 24 Hours thing [edit: I linked their masterpost] that @bleep0bleep did... it looks pretty interesting. But I'll limit myself to just writing Sterek. (Can you tell they're my OTP by now? Lol). But I'll do that in like... May 2022. Maybe. Who knows? Not me. But it's nice to dream.

Did You Take Any Writing Risks This Year?

Yup, sure did. I joined the @stereksecretsanta challenge, which was fun, but risky given that this is my first year writing and the deadline... oooof. Glad to have been done on time, tho. I'm just hoping now that my Giftee likes their gift <3

Oh, also, I wrote Thiam-centric fics. One or two, I think. I don't think I have a clear grasp on them yet, or it's like, I am not used to writing them. So writing them anyways was a risk.

Story Of Mine Most Under-Appreciated By The Universe, In My Opinion:

Lmao, Idk? No wait I lied. I'm definitely of the opinion that my fic We Honor The Dead by Fighting For The Living is severely underrated. I had a lot of fun coming up with the Legend! I actually really love this fic. I just wish more people would too :(

Most Fun Story To Write:

The fic mentioned just above.

Most Unintentionally Telling Story:

Uhhh, maybe all? Like in the way that I'm still forming my opinions on things that are not fanfic/fandom stuff, so I don't actually have many personal character headcanons—like, I don't have a favorite genre/artist of songs, neither do any of my characters etc. Stuff like that.

Biggest Disappointment:

The Song Challenge that nobody did except me and @deepestbelieverstranger 🙃 sooo I might've deleted the blog.

Biggest Surprise:

Meeting so many cool people on here and not being so socially inept that I ignored them in my anxiety 😂 but uhh in fic things, probably being able to hate a character—S*ott McCall—so, so much. Because while watching the show in 2020 I hadn't like... picked up on all the shitty things he did? I just didn't like him I knew that, because he literally told Derek in S1 that his family deserved to die, and the S2 Finale Bite Rape obviously. But that was disliking S*ott. Now I actively hate him. The canon version, anyways.

My Favorite Part Of Fandom This Year:

Meeting all the amazing people and being able to just share my love for these characters from a decade old growly-dramatic-over-the-top show ♡ Sure, there're always a group in all fandoms that's just here to rile others up and be Trolls, but I think the Teen Wolf fandom that I've talked to/interacted with are good. Most of them. And it's really nice because I've heard a lot of horror stories, too.

Okay, so that's it! This got sooo long lmao. 🤣🤣 Anyways, I'm tagging the following people (No pressure):

@deepestbelieverstranger @ilovepeachystuff @novemberhush @steve-x-bucky @veryprecisehans @elisela @raisesomehale @ronni-right @ash-mcj @nutellarghh @fairytales-and-folklore @princecharmingwinks @eusuntgratie @sheetghsts @pray-for-sound and anyone else who wants to play!!! Open Tag <3

#tag games #fic in review #sterek #teen wolf #mcu #peter parker #anti scott mccall #petopher #and like a myriad other ships lmao

26 notes · View notes

upstartpoodle · 2 years

Note

Hello. I am new to Tumblr. I signed up today but I found your Poldark fic, Moving Forward a few days ago and it’s exceptional. I am also a big fan of George and Elizabeth. I have really enjoyed reading your other fics and exploring your Tumblr page, which is second to none. Are you still writing Moving Forward? At the risk of appearing greedy, do you think that you will be posting any short excepts from the next chapter in the near future? Thank you.

Hi thanks for the ask! Sorry it's taken me a while to respond - I can be pretty slow when it comes to answering asks but I'm always happy to get them. :D

I'm glad to hear that you've been enjoying my fics! As for Moving Forward, I am still writing it - just at a pace that would make a snail look like an Olympic sprinter ha. I'm happy to post another little extract - @lashbrook11 asked if I could post one as well so this one's for both of you. :) It won't be from the next chapter though, as I've finally managed to get past the writer's block which basically slowed me down to a halt with this fic and have literally just finished writing the chapter. I just need to finish typing it up and give it a quick read through to get rid of any mistakes and then I'll be posting it tomorrow, so keep an eye out and hopefully it should appear very soon (fingers crossed)!

Anyway, this is an extract from later on in the fic, which I don't think I've posted before. Hope you enjoy!

Tagging @ticketybooser , @harry-leroy, and @forcebros if any of you want to read this too. :D

George was just dealing out the cards for their first hand when the door to the parlour was flung roughly open, and into the room stepped the sour presence of Uncle Cary. Valentine’s happy smile slipped slightly at the man’s entrance, regarding his great uncle with none too friendly a look. That, George could not really blame him for. His uncle had done very little to endear himself to Valentine—quite the opposite, in fact, considering everything that had occurred—and besides, he couldn’t think of a person on earth whose temperament would have been improved by the prospect of having to associate with Cary.

“Have you not finished the packet for Falmouth?,” he heard the old man grouse as he gathered up his hand of cards into a neat pile and glanced through them. “You know that they must be ready for tonight so that they may sail tomorrow morn.”

Wordlessly, without looking up from his cards, George pointed over his shoulder to where the documents in question lay, completed and ready, on the small table across the room, beside his empty cup of tea. He heard a humph and a rustling of paper as Cary picked them up, glancing through them.

“Well, at least these appear to be satisfactory,” he conceded reluctantly. “But there are still a great many things which require your attention.”

He could feel his uncle’s eyes boring into the back of his skull, his disapproval upon seeing his nephew playing cards with his son rather than using such valuable times to further the interests of the Bank clearly expressed. George repressed a sigh, pursing his lips. So often in the past, he had simply let his uncle’s opinions on what he should and should not do govern him, but a glance up towards Valentine, who was looking rather crestfallen at the thought of being abandoned in the middle of their game in favour of his work, made his mind up. Not this time. This time, he would stand his ground.

“There is nothing so pressing that it must be dealt with immediately, or even today,” he replied in a tone that was deceptively mild. “I highly doubt that all we have built for ourselves will collapse the moment I take the time to play a game of whist or two with my son. And besides, Dr Enys has insisted that I not overtax myself, and he shall most displeased if he learns that I have ignored his instructions."

“Bah!” At this scornful exclamation, George did look up, a displeased frown drawing his brows together. “What does that quack know, I ask, if he really believes a few papers will bring you to death’s door? And since when have you ever been inclined to listen to such a man when there is work which must be done? Or perhaps you have other...distractions which have made the good doctor’s words suddenly more appealing to you.”

At this, he bestowed Valentine with a pointed glare, one which George himself had been accustomed to seeing directed at him as a child. When his uncle had elected to chastise him for bothering his father, that glare had been enough to send him scampering away to hide, but clearly Valentine was made of sterner stuff than he had been at seven years old, for he met Cary’s eye without blinking and with equal—if not greater—ferocity.

#poldark #poldark fic #mine #my fic #george warleggan #cary warleggan #valentine warleggan #moving forward #poldark s5 #post s5 au #sfw #asks #victorianclutterbug

17 notes · View notes

khaleesiofalicante · 3 years

Note

hey...I kinda just needed to vent. you can ignore this.

on-site school starts tomorrow and even though it's only 2 days a week I'm nervous as hell. actually, screw that I'm terrified. we've literally been online for the past 2 years only going to school for tests sometimes. but this will be different. it's a new year and new teachers and my biology teacher used to have me for maths in grade 6 and years have passed but she scares the shit out of me. I don't know why she's just...

TW S3lf h@/rm

I've recently started cutting. oh my god saying it like this...I'm terrified. because every time I'm less hesitant and that's scary. I'm afraid one day I'll hurt myself too deeply. my thoughts are all over the place and it's all kind of a mess. I've always had self-harming tendencies but never to the point of blood. It's been a few days since I last did it and I've been trying not to. but with school starting and having to face people, face teachers...I've been getting that urge again. I don't want to but it's...goddamn I sound crazy.

anyway, do you have some tips on dealing with on-site school after years of online and scary teachers who gave you nightmares years ago and still do?

Hi.

I've been meaning to write something about this since a lot of my friends here on tumblr are going to back to school in soon.

I understand your anxiety. The world is pretty shit at the moment and it's already terrifying enough.

Apologies for the late reply. I was doing some reading on this before I could write back to you.

Every single resource I read was aimed at parents. They kept talking about "how to help your child" and "how to help your teenager". But I don't think these people who are writing these resources know that the biggest problem children/teenagers have is their inability or hesitancy to talk to their parents - especially about something like this.

There is very little content/support directly addressing teenagers - which I think is absolutely ridiculous. So, I read all the resources written for parents - and tried to salvage some useful stuff.

Here is something they all recommended - which I second.

You need to establish a routine.

Having a routine generally helps reduce anxiety. Most of the anxiety comes from not knowing what is going to happen and how you are going to react to it. So, having a predictable routine - especially in areas you are able to control - will be of great help.

For example, (while this might sound boring) I map out my daily tasks every day - to the dot. I know exactly what I will be doing at any point of the day because I write it down on my phone. It helps me keep my anxiety in check. So, when you are going to back to school - especially on the days you physically have to visit, try to have a routine. Before you go to the bed the previous day, go through this mental schedule. It will make you feel a little better knowing what’s gonna happen tomorrow.

Other than that, remember to take one day at a time.

We really need to take baby steps here. Remember that you are not alone in how you feel. Everyone, including your peers, are terrified of what’s going on. And when people are scared, they have a tendency to act like shitheads. So, try to be kind - to others and yourself.

About this teacher of yours - I don’t know why exactly you are scared of her. If she has done something to hurt you or another student, then you should talk to someone at your school at about it. But if it is just “a vibe”, then I would suggest (if you want to) you talk to her directly. I understand how terrifying that might sound. If that’s the case, talk to another teacher (who you can trust). It is very important that you feel comfortable in your learning environment. So, if you are terrified of your teacher, then you need to be able to assess why that is - so that you can get rid of it.

As for the self-harm, I understand why you are getting the urges again. One of the main ways to cope with self-harm is to distract yourself with a coping mechanism or a different activity. I’m not sure if you currently have any coping mechanisms that might help you. But here are some suggestions that might help. People self-harm for different reasons, I’m just going to write a bunch here. Hopefully, some of them will be useful for you!

If you're feeling anger and frustration

exercise

hit cushions

shout and dance

shake

tear something up into hundreds of pieces

go for a run.

Expressing your anger physically, or by doing things like shouting, won't work for everyone and could intensify feelings. Try things out and continue with any that have a positive effect.

If you're feeling sadness and fear

wrap a blanket around you

spend time with an animal

walk in nature

let yourself cry or sleep

listen to soothing music

tell someone how you feel

massage your hands

lie in a comfortable position and breathe in – then breathe out slowly, making your out-breath longer than your in-breath. Repeat until you feel more relaxed.

If you're feeling a need to control

write lists

tidy up

declutter

write a letter saying everything you are feeling, then tear it up

weed a garden

clench then relax all your muscles.

If you're feeling numb and disconnected

flick elastic bands on your wrists

hold ice cubes

smell something with strong odour

have a very cold shower.

If you're feeling shame

stop spending time with anyone who treats you unkindly

recognise when you are trying to be perfect and accept that making mistakes is part of being human

remind yourself that there are reasons for how you behave – it is not because you are 'bad'.

If you're feeling self-hatred and wanting to punish yourself

write a letter from the part of you that feels the self-hatred, then write back with as much compassion and acceptance as you can

find creative ways to express the self-hatred, through writing songs or poetry, drawing, movement or singing

do physical exercise (like running or going to the gym) to express the anger that is turned in on yourself.

And finally and most importantly - whether it’s self-harm or anxiety, something that ALWAYS help is to talk to someone. The fact that someone else knows what you are going through and someone else is listening can really be helpful. So, if it gets tough in school or if you are getting the urge again, please please reach out to someone you can talk to - online or offline. There is no shame in getting help when you need it. I’m always here if you want to distract yourself by talking about malec or fics or anything else.

I wish someone had told me this. So, I'm gonna tell you now.

It’s just school. You’re gonna get through it.

#sending you all my love!#good luck and come talk to me if you need me!!!#support #back to school #tw self harm

26 notes · View notes

hearteyes-for-killmonger · 3 years

Text

COLORS

A/N: No smut, sorry. Written for @princessstevens if she's silk still on tumblr. Based on this picture

"Kellan, call me when you get this," I say hanging up before walking into my building.

He never checks his voicemail so I send him a text too asking him to call me. We go to different schools, he's in the Bachelor's program at Brandman for Business and I'm at Alan Hancock for Art. I know he's probably driving right now or doing something. I remember when I met him, three months ago at Target of all places. I typically don't even shop at Target, I go to Walmart, but I was in there and so was he with his cute ass. I fell in love in the hair section. I was actually stalking him on my way to the body wash, but he was standing in the hair aisle getting conditioner for his thickass curly hair. We were a match made in heaven.

"Hey mama," I greet on my way to the kitchen to cook the pack of chicken sitting out in the sink.

"How was school? Take that trash bag out for me," she says before I can respond.

I look in the trash and change the bag, taking the old one to the chute before washing my hands in the empty side of the sink. The moment I rip open the pack of chicken and start washing it, Kellan calls.

"MAAAA, CAN YOU GET THAT?"

She wanders over fast and answers it having her own conversation with my man as I clean chicken. It sounds like they're talking about how his week has been, his classes, and something that's got ma laughing up a storm behind me. I didn't know Kellan was such a comedian. Something about this seems reversed. I keep waiting but I never get the phone so when I heat the oil and start dredging the chicken, I decide to butt into their conversation and ask.

"Uh, ma, can you put it on speaker so I can talk to him, he called to talk to me!" I start putting the chicken in the hot oil.

"Oh hold on, Kellan, my daughter is here getting her knickers in a twist," she mutters putting the phone on speaker. "I think she wants your attention now all to herself."

Kellan snickers. He and my mama are always teaming up on me like it's funny.

"I know you not laughing," I threaten at the phone, dropping chicken in the pan. "I've been trying to talk to you all day because I missed you but you wanna talk to my mama for-" I look at the time, "Five whole minutes."

"Awww, this baby.. she jealous," Kellan chuckles. "I think she mad you like me more than her."

"Keep acting like you tryna take my Mama from me, nigga. I ain't down with no incestuous shi-stuff," I pause genuinely mad. "You ain't finna be my man and act like my brother, I got a brother. That's nasty."

I don't know why I get mad, but I do. I love my mama. She's mine, not his.. I love Kellan, but he be annoying me for real with that shit because my mama gets too into it like she's not playing. She really does like him more than me. He doesn't understand that and keeps rubbing it in my face.

"You got one more time and you ain't coming over here no more."

"That's our mama's decision," he jokes. I cringe.

"Exactly," she adds.

I put the tongs down and walk out going to my room and shutting the door. I was gonna tell him about COLORS and invite him to come with me but he's pissed me off and now I don't want to talk to him. My mama doesn't even bring my phone right away, it's two more minutes of them still talking. When she brings it, I yell that I don't wanna talk to him. "Well finish the chicken," she directs. I do it.. but I'm still irritated.

"And then when he finally calls me back he doesn't even wanna speak to me. Too busy playing mama's boy to a woman who's not even his mama," I vent at the table watching Yaya's thinned lips stretch in silent judgement across from me. I know she doesn't agree with me, but she's not in my shoes.

"You gotta understand he's just getting comfortable. Your mom's probably trying to be accepting. He's your boyfriend."

"No." That's not it, it's not that simple. "He will dead call for her and ignore me. She doesn't care what I do in a day and I can't get her to look at my art for more than two seconds but he gets her undivided attention. He's only known her for three months."

"That's how it is sometimes," she shrugs. I shake my head.

"No. That's not how it is, and if it is I can't be doing this. No, ma'am."

Her finger raises and I shut up as she takes a call. I didn't even hear a ring, but based on her face she's not liking whoever it is on the phone or what they have to say. She has that stank face that she gets when someone's got her twisted. Meanwhile, the waitress pops back up.

"Ready to order or do you guys need a few more minutes?"

"You must got me fucked up," Yaya blurts causing the server's brow to raise as she looks from Yaya to me. She only asked what we were ordering.

"We're ready to order," I smile. Quickly she takes her pen from her pile of blonde hair.

"I'm not working Friday after I already said I needed that day off," Yays waves to me to order for her since she's on the phone. I know what she'd order. The server looks from her again back to me readying her paper and pen.

"She'll take the fried chicken with mac and collards. I'll take the house cheeseburger with fries.. thank you," I nod as she walks away. I take a sip of my iced tea, wiping the condensation from the glass onto my dress and leaning forward with my hands in my lap.

"Right, but I said it back in July so you'd know I'd need this Friday off. It's in writing, do I need to pull it up," Yaya threatens to whoever is on the phone. I wonder what's going on on Friday. "Yes, pull it up and look at the email.. uhuh.. Yes, so Fri-day I will NOT be there," she enunciates. "Correct… Uhuh, buh-bye!" She rolls her eyes and hangs up shaking her head at me and I know the frustration well, we work at the same Michael's. It's awesome, but our manager is very manipulative. I sip my tea thinking about it.

"You need to be the manager." I wish she were the manager.

"Pur!.. and Dean needs to go," she laughs sipping her coke. "How's your Fiverr going?"

"Oh girl I got some gigs, I've made about $110 from it so far."

"Okay! I'm on Upwork I made about $200."

"Damn. Well I'm looking at working at the Children's Museum for more money."

"True, I saw that position too.. but don't overextend yourself. I'm not.. because we still need to finish with these classes and get our art portfolios together and we ain't finna graduate late-tuh!"

I know, but I also need money.

When our food comes, we get refills on our drinks and that's when she comments on the restaurant, after she bites into her chicken. It's both of our first time coming in, but it's right near our college which is why we decided to give it a shot for lunch. It's called Urban Hangout and that's exactly what it looks like, a coffee shop to hang out in and just sit. The food is really good too.

"So what you got going on Friday," I ask dipping and shoving fries in my mouth one by one.

"Tuh, Friday? Nothing I just needed a day to myself and that's the day I'm taking," her lips pout when I laugh.

"That's smart! I'm glad you ain't let Dean try to sucker you like he be trying." I lean in. She's curling her finger like she needs to tell me something. "He's famous for shit like that -What," I whisper quickly. She waves her hand aggressively for me to stop talking.

"Meg.. you know that guy over there," her eyes flicker to my left. My head stays still but my eyes briefly follow hers to a quiet looking guy sitting at a table alone with an art pad and a beanie on covering his ears and eyebrows, eyes focused down as he draws.

"Mm-mm, no.. Never seen him in my life.."

"Well he keeps looking over here at you, I think he drawing you." She bites her chicken and sips her coke as I stare.

Me? Why he couldn't be drawing her, why does she assume it's me? I take another look at the guy but turn my head too far and end up making eye contact when he looks up. He looks different than I thought he would now that I can see more of his face. He blinks like he's waiting to see what I'm a do so I get up and sit across from him. He's really cute, though I got a man. There's nothing wrong with being nice, I tell myself.

"You go to Alan Hancock?"

The corner of his mouth lifts as he looks straight at me. He has long eyelashes and pretty, full kissable lips. I sit a little straighter. If I weren't already three months deep in a relationship I'd give him my number. He focuses back on his artpad, sketching, his eyes moving back and forth between my face and his paper with new energy. I look over at Yaya wondering if she sees what I see and she's smiling like she knows what I'm thinking. She knows my type, brown skin and bearded. He looks like he has a nice build under the loose shirt. And he draws.

"You speak..?" He doesn't respond. I'm starting to think he's deaf and cute. Maybe he can read lips, both sets. I wave and when he looks up, I point to my lips. "What's your name?" He only and smiles, his eyes creased at the corners, still sketching away.

I decide to just sit still and wait until he's done to see the picture, curious of his skill level. If he doesn't go to Hancock for art, then dammit he should.

Suddenly he stops, looks his page over seriously, and hands me the artpad across the table. He watches me for my reaction. It's a full rendering of my face in great detail and he's made me look beautiful. He's even got my negro nose with the piercing down to the shape of my eyebrows. My locs are accounted for and he put texture on them. Next to that is a full sketch of me sitting at my table, leaning onto the table with the straw in my mouth to drink. He's even got the print of my dress down. Only thing is he's added a realistic looking flower behind my ear in both pictures and I'm not wearing a flower. I look up briefly, curious.

His smile returns as he sees my head tilt with a question in my eyes about the flower. Going into his backpack beside him, he gently pulls out a lively bright golden yellow flower handing it to me. I look to Yaya, who looks equally surprised while I show off my flower. She's fawning.

"Is this how you pick up girls," I smirk smelling it. It's real and I'm geeked. I tuck it behind my ear like suggested by the drawing. Taking his pad, he writes a message on the page and hands it back to me.

24 hours of silence in memory of black women killed by police brutality. My older sister was one and she loved daffodils. I've been giving daffodils to black women all day. This is my last one.

I look up at his warm eyes but now I see traces of sadness.

"When did she die," I whisper unsure of whether to speak or write now. He takes the pad and writes.

2 years ago today.

My heart breaks for him and I hold my heart looking over at Yaya who has no clue what's going on. I'll have to fill her in when I get back over there. In the meantime, I do my best to communicate that I'm truly sorry for his loss.

"Can I have this," I point to the paper. He frowns comically shaking his head and takes his pad back writing again.

I'd rather keep it. I like how it came out.

Can't say I don't understand him as an artist because there are times when you look at your work and love it too much to let it go. Still, it is my face. He smiles seeing my disappointment. I nod deciding to let it go and stand to head back to my table. By the time I sit down, he's up with his things and leaving the cafe. I let Yaya into the loop and she sympathizes looking over to the space where he previously sat.

In class, my eisele faces the window and I start my under painting which is a wash of the background.

"How did you get yet another picture in the hall," I turn to ask Yaya after thinking about it for a good few minutes. She grins with her tongue out between her teeth.

"I keep telling you, taking outside classes and going to workshops really helps you develop in realism."

"I keep saying I'm going to," I sigh as I plop my brush in water. She sweeps her brush across her canvas back and forth.

"You're lazy. That's why you haven't had anything in the hall."

"No, but why can't I just practice and learn from the classes I'm already paying for," I groan. "Otherwise why am I paying?"

"Because you can't, suck it up. You want to be in the hall or you wanna be average?"

"I wanna make $200 on Upwork."

"Up your skill set and you can," she points to my canvas with her detail brush adding insult to injury.

"Bitch, I'm trying!" Honest, I am. I've improved on my own a great deal but I've still never sold like she has. Her art is in THE HALL.

At Allan Hancock College, only the best student work lines the white brick walls of the art halls. The best of the best make it to the glass display. Every visitor to the building had to pass through the art hall and without meaning to, they stop to admire the art almost without fail. Sometimes the art sells for prices upwards of $300. Colorful portraits, hyperrealistic paintings of still life and everyday objects.. Needless to say, the hall is the goal of every art student and the golden standard to aspire to.

"That's pretty," Francis smiles in passing on the way to his easel. He's referring to my self-portrait. I started with the background and now I'm painting my skin tone. Glancing over to his station, I move from my spot to take a look at his canvas.

"Aww, look at Gravy lil fat self!" He's painting his lil fat French bulldog. "Wait a minute... Francis, you got better!.."

"I went to a painting workshop this past weekend, it was a bring your dog paint and sip night. You should've seen all of the puppies! I met a few new people too, 100% reccomend."

"You talkin bout COLORS," April jumps in from behind. Instantly I look at Yaya and she looks at me.

"I love COLORS, I'm telling you, I go there all the time. I've learned so much skill-wise and every day they have something different going on," Francis says. "You ever been?" The question is to me, but before I can answer, April cuts in.

"Y'all need to go on a Saturday night," she smirks.

"I went Sunday, it was fun. Had a lil wine," Francis adds.

"Exactly, no.. Go Saturday Night it's portrait and figure drawing night but there's always a live model and 9 times out of 10 they're always fine." She goes to her portfolio and pulls a painting of a nude black woman. Her strong features are in great detail I notice as I appraise it. This could be in the hall too if she were serious.

"Damn, I been going the wrong day, sign me up," Sheena cuts in. I ain't even see her behind me. "I wanna go, but I wanna paint a woman," she says causing Francis to look back playfully.

"We know."

"Look, I'm going this Saturday night if y'all wanna meet me there," Yaya announces as she focuses on her picture reminding me that I need to head back to mine. "Let me know and I'll get us a table. Just everyone chip in since I'm using my card."

It seems like everyone plans to go. "I'm going too," I say not wanting to be left out.

"Oh I know you are," Yaya's brow raises. I turn my lip up playfully. Kellan would've been bored there anyway he doesn't have an artistic bone in his body. He's like my mom, not interested.

Cutting the engine on my mama's car, I exit the gps and call Yaya.

"Hey. Where you at, I ain't see your car?"

"I'm coming. I'm a few minutes away, wait for me."

"I see Sheena and Francis standing outside. I can claim our station, it's fine. Just meet me inside," I tell her and on entering the urban paint bar with Sheena and Francis directly behind me, the walls are dust free and eggshell white. The overhead fixtures bring white artificial light. The floors are a light sandy wood, finished for easy clean. It looks way better than the outside, bigger too.

Francis leads the way to the desk/register/information center and I grab a brochure advertising a gallery showing that's supposed to happen.

"Hey we have a reservation for five under Yaya. 8PM," he states and we're escorted to a warm white brick space with finished wood floors easy for cleaning. Still there are plastic tarps. There are three other small groups with clustered easels signifying a division, each group with a corresponding table. Our table is table three and we order a bottle of red wine which comes around the same time as April and Yaya. We're all here and ready.

April and Francis take control since they've been to COLORS. They secure our palletes, paints, and brushes.

"Let's make it a competition," April suggests.

"You're on," Yaya points. We're all in, prepping our canvases before the model arrives and when the door reopens we all look up. "IT'S HIM," Yaya gasps echoing my thoughts. He looks just as stoic and reserved as the first time we saw him. I wave catching his eye and jog toward him stopping with my hands on my hips.

"You gotta be an art student," I gape up at him realizing he's taller than I remember. "You everywhere we be!" His lips pout in the tiniest smirk and I wonder if he's still not talking. "My bad, yes or no questions only. Nod for yes.. Are you an art student?"

He shakes his head no.

"Wow wow wow, you in school?"

He nods.

"I really wanna ask you where I'm about to start guessing schools."

Raising a finger to say wait, he proceeds to lightly grab my upper arms and shift me from his path like I'm in the way. I'm offended!

He heads to the middle point of the room which houses a small platform with a few props.

"Ohh," I mouth watching him pull of his thin but loose long sleeved purple vneck. "Dayum!"

I head back to my easel and my group has the same expression. This man looks like a gym rat. I suspected as much but you really couldn't tell through the shirt and that seems to have been on purpose. He's not like me, I flex hard af when I know I look good.

"Professionalism," I remind my classmates. "Y'all seen a naked body before. We are artists, we do not ogle... We respect the human form."

I'm half joking because I know it's normal to have a reaction, but they take me seriously and go into mature mode. Then the man takes off his ripped skinny jeans revealing strong, long, lean calves and solid, defined thighs. He's standing in burgundy briefs that expose that he's working with a monster. Big boy status in those briefs.

It's not like I've never seen a penis, Kellan's is not small. It's not as girthy as this guy's.. but it's similar in length. I'm glad he's not hear to see me damn near simping over this model. That could've been extremely awkward.

I look at the other groups and they seem to be really mature about it. I watch their eyes to see if they're faking composure but quickly change my mind and mind my business. It's a good time to grow up myself.

Then the briefs come off. I keep my face neutral but I see from the corner of my vision that the big boy is hanging. It's been a whole strip tease, I'm almost nervous to look up because my poker face is too fragile. Instead, I start with his face and upper body and jump to his legs based on my view of him. His side is turned to me. I mix my colors for the tonal differences in his skin, accounting for shadows and highlights. I want this portrait to look as good, no.. BETTER than the one he did of me in the cafe. I also want to win this little painting competition. I work on getting the color placement blocked out and accurate and then I follow up with blending and details. His hair is one of my favorite things to paint and I'm confident no one's touching me on that.

He moves around every so often to give the ones who request it a closer look. I don't mind it because he's good at returning to his mark and exact position. Also the lighting doesn't change.

I get his whole body down nearly, left with the gap between his v-cut and his thighs. It's childish but instead of drawing his penis, I start painting in the props. I paint the blue vase and the small stand holding the half full water bottle he keeps taking little breaks to sip from.

"Anyone else hot," I whisper blousing my shirt to give myself air underneath. April takes it as a sign to walk around our easels to look at our canvases and we do the same with each other's. Instantly I realize my painting isn't as good as I thought it was and that I can do better.

"You missed a whole part," she comments inspecting my painting carefully. She's looking at the way I painted his locs. I definitely succeeded there. "You just not gonna give him a dick?"

"I'm not done, I couldn't really see it from this angle," I lie. "I'm just gonna paint a modesty leaf."

"That'll ruin your pretty picture, I've seen your leaves," Francis grimaces. "It's a small part, you can finish it we have time."

I wanna tell him it ain't that small. That thing is big. Instead I pick up the brush to deliberate.

"Hey, could you come just a little closer, please? She's trying to see from the side," April points to me and when he comes closer, I have no excuse.

"Helps to paint it if you look at it maybe every once in a while," he deadpans. I freeze momentarily to look him in the eye. He thinks he's clever.

"Oh you talk now," I smile sarcastically. His small answering smirk shows no malice, purely teasing.

"I like to let people talk who like to talk."

"Yeah aight." I have to look. I start filling in the missing part of his body and when I glance left, Yaya is smirking at me. It's subtle, but I know her and I ignore her.

Kellan wouldn't understand me standing up here sipping wine and drawing dicks with a naked man so close to me. I don't think I'll tell him. That's not something I care to explain and I don't have to, it's art not sexual. I make sure I copy the smooth transition from brown to pinkish-brown on the tip of the dick. I get the healthy shine and the light pull of the balls which are big. He's clean shaven or waxed, I don't know which. When I've got the gist of it he returns to his original position.

"What's your name anyway," I call out. I can't be the only one curious.

"What importance is a given name? The universe will mold us into what we're truly meant to be."

"Erik. His name is Erik," a girl from table four says with a humored sigh. "Ignore him, he's a troll."

"That's a label you've chosen for me. You're a white woman, you are not the universe. Only black women can attempt to perceive me."

"Shut.. up," she groans. It's hard to tell but I'm starting to see he likes mixing his genuine responses with satire. It's confusing. He could be a hotep or he could be fishing. But why would hotep be a nude model? Are there hotep nude models who hand out flowers and draw in cafes?

"Let's compare," Yaya announces and we all vote on the winner with feedback from the other groups who actually consist of nice people. Yaya wins, no surprise there. I'm still proud of my painting. It's my best so far. I wish I could show it to my mama and my man without them viewing it as something perverted.

#original #erik killmonger #killmonger #erik stevens #erik killmonger fanfiction #erik stevens au #black panther killmonger #colors

107 notes · View notes