#i am truly on my bullshit today im so sorry | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dckweed · 1 year

Text

@multifandom-world8 babes i am so sorry, this took me an embarrassing amount of time, but, here it is, and there will also be a second part as well !

my loves, it's been a hot minuet..but hi, hey, I'm here. Idk about yall but i had a kick ass weekend. Currently recovering from whiplash and fucking up my throat at a rock concert on Sunday (escape the fate, Hollywood undead, falling in reverse, and papa roach ((loml)) fr those wondering) that was so fucking amazing. How was yalls weekend? Everyone blow up the comments !

PLEASE NO ONE SPOIL THE TEENWOLF MOVIE! i have yet to watch it, and im sure there are others who haven't as well. Please be respectful in not spoiling anything on my posts.

I am aware that there is a paragraph that's darkened out and I have no idea how to fix it, for that, i apologize.

warnings: minors should not read this, but i know that i cannot stop you from opening this, so please, if you're under the age of 18, read at your own risk. this fic contains smut, maybe a bit of angst, biting, AGE GAPPED READER! reader was 19 when bitten, and in her 20s in the fic. Peter himself is a warning because guys look at him.

california dreamin'.., peter hale

Five years. Five long, fucking years of being stuck in this bullshit ass town, cleaning up supernatural mess after supernatural mess. You couldn't help but to wonder if the founders of Beacon Hills truly understood the irony of their towns name, it truly was a Beacon.

You suppose that was how you'd wound up in this mess anyway, the town being what it was and all, the werewolf population had gripped its claws into you and had never let you go. You had been a sophomore when it all happened, roped in by association with Stiles and Scott, and much like Stiles you had stayed human for most of it, until Derek's uncle had decided to use you as the main pawn for one of his stupid ass revenge fantasies. You hadn't taken it well at first, the bite completely destroyed you and it took a long time to build yourself up again, and by the time you had, you were much too late to do anything else with your life, and so, you had elected to stay behind and help keep the town out of trouble while the rest of your friends went on and lived their lives.

Working at your family's business wasn't that horrible you supposed, you could make your own hours, and being the owners child, you got paid just slightly more than the others did, which was definitely on your pro list. As was your weekly meeting with the man who had turned you. Typically, Peter came in for lunch or maybe dinner (depending on which shift you were working) and while you worked, the pair of you would talk about any odd goings on, and catch up on what everyone was doing out in the world. It was also your allotted time to ogle the man.

Maybe it was the loyalty you still felt to him after all this time from the bite, or maybe you were just really fucking lonely, but good god you couldn't deny that the man was the definition of sexy..

You had seen him today, during the lunch shift and though it had been brief, it had been long enough for your mind to wonder to dangerous places, wild thoughts running loose in your mind, the slight scar on your shoulder throbbing as they did, reminding you of the night he had given it to you..

It was cold, fall was beginning to set in to Beacon Hills once more as the seasons changed. You were 19 now, barely scraping by in highschool as it was, caught between the drama of your friend group and the drama of the supernatural beings that inhabited said group and tonight? Well, tonight you were quite literally the drama.

Peter had lured you to his loft, you had thought that you would be meeting the entire pack there, and therefore hadn't thought to text any of them and after arriving, you quickly realized how wrong you were. Peter had answered the door, much too friendly than he had ever been towards you before with a smile on his usually scowling face.

"I didn't think you'd actually show up." He says, opening the door just enough to let you slip in, your body brushing against his ever so slightly, shock of electric tingling down your spine as you did. You had always felt that way around him, but you just assumed it was a you thing and didn't notice the way that his hand tightened its grip on the door, or that his body went rigid, nor did you hear the sigh that escaped his lips.

"What exactly is the emergency, Peter?" You ask, turning to face him when you realize the loft is empty. He had sent you an urgent text, the kind that usually went out to the entire pack, and you were in partial disbelief that you would have been the first to show up, or the first texted. You were human, which meant you were far down the chain of urgency list in emergency werewolf situations.

"Sit." He says, eyebrow quirking and a slight thrill spreading through him as he watches you drop immediately onto the couch, almost mindlessly, eyes trained on him, wide and curious. He takes a seat on the chair across from the couch, launching into what was meant to be a proposal, a deal if you will..He was in one of his revenge fantasy phases, and was trying to willingly enlist your help, because for some reason (both Supernatural and logically), you weren't the person he was intent to have helping him.

Peter knew why he felt the way he did when you brushed against him, it wasn't the first time and it certainly wasn't the last. He was a smart man, and it wasn't too hard to piece together for him. And in all honesty, at first he wanted to protect you from it, from him, and for a while it worked. But now? Now he wanted to be selfish. He needed to be selfish, even if it meant bringing you into the mix.

"Absolutely fucking not." You say abruptly after a brief moment of silence once he had finished speaking, explaining to you what was going on in his mind. "No..just..no. ive seen what Scott and Liam go through, and yeah maybe it has cool perks but no just..why would you even think that I would go along with something like that Peter?"

He could hear in your voice how desperately you disagreed with his idea, and a part of him wants to let you walk out that door and forget that this whole thing happened to begin with, but that selfish side wins. He stands as you move towards the door, and in two long, powerful strides, he pulls you back against his chest, arms around your torso pinning your own to your sides.

"Peter! Peter let me go!" You yell, struggling despite the electric shock coursing through you once more. His grip only tightens on you, and you feel his breath on your ear as he brings his mouth down, can feel him breathing in your scent.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart, but this isn't optional.." He whispers, feeling you start to struggle more. He growls a little, his werewolf side coming out. His hold on you strengthens enough to be able to hold you still as he licks the area of exposed shoulder that your sweater had slid off of, his teeth grazing the skin ever so slightly. He debated letting you go, he didn't like the way that you were crying at all, you were going to hate him for this.

He had already gone too far to turn back though. Before he can talk himself out of it, he bites down on your shoulder, trying to be as gentle as possible so as not to hurt you too much, but also trying to make sure it would take. He can't help but to savor you for a moment, the animal in him going absolutely feral over scent alone, he could do this for hours, he thought and happily he almost does until he realizes that your crying has stopped and you are now slumped against him.

It had been the longest couple of years after that. You had just barely been able to graduate with your friends, nearly having to take a sixth year of highschool, though if that had happened you probably would have just dropped out. You had already taken freshman year twice, you couldn't go through senior year again.

You had been so mad at Peter for the longest time, though you were still doing everything he asked of you. Scott and Derek had said it was the alpha bond, but personally, you felt like it was different than that because if was like your entire judgement was clouded over when it came to him, and honestly it still was though you had learned to look through it and use your own logic.

Even before the bite you had been strangely attracted to Peter, though it definitely intensified after and you were certainly no stranger to fantasizing about him, so, as your shoulder throbbed ever so slightly, you let yourself fall into one of those fantasies, you were the only one in the front of the diner anyway, the late shift never being busy save for the occasional drunkard, you needed some form of entertainment.

The fantasy was much like your others, though more intense than they normally were..peter was leading you up to his loft, your hand in his as he practically dragged you up the stairs, a girly little giggle escaping you as you run after him, your heels sounding on the ground and the skirt of your dress swishing around your bottom.

Peter had gone full on foreplay in the car on your way back from your dinner date, his hands in between your legs, his nails ripping the fabric of your panties to shreds before pumping his fingers in and out of your dripping, aching core, clenching around his fingers as if begging for something more.

The sound he had made when he felt you was almost feral, it ripped right through to your core and you could've cum from that alone, but alas, Peter had other plans for you. The door to his loft is barely even closed before he has you pressed up against it, his large, firm hands pressed tightly on your thighs as he hoists you up, letting you wrap your legs around his waist, your mouths moving against each other's with an urgency that you'd grown accustomed to when it came to him, as if the two of you could never get enough of each other.

"Jesus.." You groan, the feel of his hard cock pressed against your bare mound sending shockwaves through your aching body, lust taking over your entire train of thought.

"You and I both know I'm the farthest thing from holy, sweetheart.." He whispers, voice breathless as he makes his way down your throat, the stubble of his five o'clock shadow tickling your skin in the most delicious of ways, edging you halfway to insanity.

After a few moments longer he removes you from the door, carrying you to his bed. His hands are on your bare ass under the skirt of your dress, squeezing the flesh appreciatively before giving a nice slap, throwing you off of his body and onto his mattress. You bounce, staring up at him through lust filled eyes as you watch him take his V-Neck off of his torso, tossing it to the ground before he gets to work on his jeans. You kick your heels off, they clunk to the floor before you shimmy out of your dress, the fabric falling off your body as you lift yourself off of the mattress the slightest bit.

You realize as he gives you long, gazing look over your body that you are embarrassingly desperate for this man to even breathe in your direction, let alone fuck you, and yet here you are, on his bed, laid out all nice and pretty as you watch him fist his thick, deliciously long cock in his hands a couple of times, groaning at the thought of it inside of you.

"You coming?" You ask, teasingly as you spread your legs for him, biting your lip. His shoulders slump as if in defeat and he let's out one of the prettiest sighs you think you've ever heard in your life.

"Sweetheart, i hope not for a long while." He says finally and you giggle, before screeching in surprise when he grips your ankle and pulls you down to the edge of the bed, wrapping your legs around his hips as he teases your aching cunt with his cock, dragging up and down your sopping slit, once..twice..three times before he pushes himself into your tight, warm hole.

The noise that escapes your mouth is one of pure filth and it seems to be all the urging on he needs as he pumps his hips in and out of you. You watch as his face contort with each thrust deeper and deeper into you, your pussy clenching onto him with need he'd never felt before, your hips rising up off of his bed as if to beckon him in to you farther.

You were already so over stimulated just from being horny that you knew you didn't stand a chance of lasting nearly as long as you could have, and you had a feeling he knew it to because the more sounds you made for him, the more one of your hands tugged at your own breasts and the other pawed at his forearm where his hand gripped your hips so meanly, the harder he fucked into you.

It was almost painful, and you knew that if you hadn't been a werewolf it probably would have been. You wouldn't complain though because something about him being the one to bring on that kind of way in the sinfully delicious way that he was doing it, was absolutely glorious to you and dear God you basked in the absolute pleasure it brought you.

Peter grunts as your pussy grips him, the sound of your skin slapping together and the squelching of your wet cunt sucking him back into your pussy every time he pulled out was filling the room, a beautiful music to his ears, as was the high pitched groan that escaped your throat as he gripped your hips harder, angling them up off the bed. He could feel himself hitting you at a deeper angle and just the look on your face as he did was what was going to make him finish, the way your eyes rolled into the back of your head, your mouth hung open in a silent moan, your tits bouncing every time he fucked into you..you were the perfect sight..

"So fucking perfect for me, y/n..y/n..

"Y/N!" Peter brings you out of your day dream, snapping his fingers in front of your face. You squeak in fright, heart racing and face flushing as you realize the man you had been fantasizing about was standing before you.

"Jesus fucking Christ Peter!" You yell, calming yourself down. You glance at the clock behind him, noting the time. "It's almost midnight what the hell are you doing here?"

The man looks at you as if you were insane, which, honestly, you had to wonder yourself if you were..nothing else could explain the way that you felt about the man that barely looked at you some days. "I told you at lunch I was going to pick you up tonight, remember? You said your car was broke down.." Truthfully, you hadn't thought he was serious. Peter hardly ever did anything with you outside of your meetings and occasionally running into him at the store..

"Oh.." Shit. How the fuck were you supposed to survive an entire car ride with him when you knew he could smell the horny radiating off of you? You were about to tell him that you were fine to walk when you realized it was raining pretty hard out, because of course California would decde to ends its drought right now. Fuck me up a goddamn river.

"Give me a minuet.."

#teenwolf fandom #teenwolf smut #teenwolf #peter hale smut #peter hale #peter hale fic #smut #teenwolf fic

28 notes · View notes

thatbitchsimone · 7 months

Note

I love you I love you

Thank you thank you

It’s a long story of circle of abuse, I used to save her from my father hitting her and few years later I had to save myself from both of them hitting me

I truly believe she’s evil, not what she does to me but to others also, she beats and humiliates not only me but the maids too, the other siblings are not beaten, the brother sometimes rarely but he’s her worshipper so i don’t think he minds.

I will get a job soon but I don’t think I can move out, it’s not very common here you know, and my father is like a influential guy, but hopefully when I earn my own money and cut her off I’ll be happy, we have a big house so living separately is possible.

I found out something today and it made me sick to my stomach, I have my whole life faced disgusting men, but turns out my brother is also one of them, he is after all my fathers and mothers son. he is an Andrew tate fanboy btw so you can guess his entire personality by that lolllllll.

I am so sorry this is alot of stuff to hear on a site where you are supposed to have fun, I am sending you apology hugs, take care 🫂❤️

Btw have you read the bell jar by Sylvia plath? It’s so depressing it’s taking me months to finish HAHAHAH

that is fucking awful and yes, i dont even believe in the whole concept of evil (i was raised without religion in a completely secular country + im very into psychology so good vs evil is not part of my worldview lol) but some behaviors even i just have to describe as evil and ur mom fits that pretty well like abusing ur own children is fucking evil. i have empathy for her to some extent since her behavior is clearly the result of her being abused herself like u said but it gets clouded by the absolute disgust and hatred and rage i feel for her for letting herself become the abuser herself and keeping the circle of abuse going by passing it on to her children. its one thing to not have the strength or power to stop ur husband from abusing ur kids, but straight up joining in on the abuse is a whole other level of disgusting and im so sorry u have to experience this.

but i do have to say that u seem like a genuinely good person like i really feel like u have so much kindness and love in ur heart and u seem like a very strong, sensible and intelligent girl and i get a strong feeling that the cycle of abuse is gonna end with u (as in, u wont be carrying it on and u will break free from it and if u have kids in the future u will be a good and loving mom to them) and i just wanna acknowledge that bc thats amazing and inspiring and i admire u so much like i just have so much admiration for u right now like u are everything u are the moment u are the vibe

anyway, glad to hear that u at least live in a big house so that u can at the very least have some space from her even tho u live together. i get that its not as easy or simple as some ppl think to ”just move out” especially if u live in a very family oriented culture where its not the norm to do so on top of it all so i think the best thing to do currently is to just kind of try to stay out of her way and honestly just not even listen to the bullshit she says bc her insults are kinda meaningless tbh bc lets be real, if u were skinny she would just use something else to criticize u for. she just wants to put u down in any way she can no matter what u look like. u could probably look like a damn supermodel or movie star and she would still find something to pick on and put u down for, bc she has issues. shes disturbed. her words are empty and her opinions on u are just completely irrelevant. why should u care if a deranged abusive sadist doesnt ”approve” of ur body and size? this woman thinks its ok to mentally torment everyone around her, even HER OWN CHILDREN that she just so happens to not just verbally and emotionally abuse but straight up physically abuse. shes a child abuser. actual scum of the earth. like honestly next time she says something about ur body or calls u fat or whatever this psychopath likes to call u just remind urself that this woman is actually disturbed and sick in the head like shes literally a terrible human being lol who the fuck is she to criticize anyone like ok so u got a little extra meat on ur bones meanwhile she is a deranged sadistic child abuser. like girl whatever flaw u may have is nothing compared to the flaws she has like u are so far above her in every way that actually matters like ur literally so much better than her in every way like shes actually pathetic.

sorry about ur brother btw. seems like us women can never catch a break from these male parasites that are crawling around everywhere these days. they just keep getting worse and worse now with all the andrew tate shit brainwashing them. thank god we women have each others backs in this vile current climate. sisterhood is so important, especially now with all this crazy shit going around.

and yes ofc ive read the bell jar! read it for the first time when i was 16 and have reread it a few times since then. its one of those books that deeply resonates with nearly every woman who reads it even now generations later like its truly timeless in that way thats why its so good

#ur amazing i love u

4 notes · View notes

starsandhughes · 10 months

Note

I need to rant about an incident that happened today. Its kinda stupid and ill be over it by tomorrow but im still bitter about it. I just want to start this by saying I respect people of all religions and ethnicity. Everyone has a right to believe what they want to believe and are allowed to think that they are right. personally I don’t take religion too seriously and tend to take things with a grain of salt because most religions are based on texts that were written thousands upon thousands of years ago and tell conflicting stories. this is not intended to offend anyone and I don’t want anyone to feel attacked. I don’t judge people or make assumptions about anyone based on their religious beliefs. This is an isolated incident that frustrated me. That being said I would like to share my story.

So I was raised jewish, my mother was born into a jewish family and my dad converted when he was 19 years old. I still consider being jewish a part of my identity and celebrate holidays with my family, keep kosher, and I don’t work on Saturdays but am not super religious. I participated in a lot of chabad organized activities throughout my life. If you are unfamiliar with chabad allow me to sort of explain it. Chabad is a jewish organization with groups all over the world like I mean everywhere. They do lots of charity work and offer free opportunities to people interesting in judaism to attend preschool, sunday school, holiday services, summer camps, shabbat services, and kosher meals for those who are traveling and therefore don’t have access to kosher food or those who can’t afford meals. i have had an incredible experience with chabad they are truly some of the kindest and least judge-mental people I have ever met. I understand that not all jewish organizations are quite as welcoming but I like to believe most are. So anyways chabad has a summer camp for kids ages 4-12 called camp gan israel (translates to garden of Israel) it is essentially like any other summer camp with lots of field trips, swimming, crafts, games, sports, etc but with a jewish twist (jewish music, time for jewish education, Hebrew camp songs) anyways I attend this camp as a child and being that I am home for the summer, I am working as a counselor.

Today we took the campers on a field trip to six flags (amusement park). We were all in our matching camp shirts with the camp logo (says camp gan Israel in both English and Hebrew and has a torah scroll and some trees). I was with a group of about eight campers all around the age of 7 taking them to ride the rides. We were waiting in line minding our business for some little swing ride or something and I was trying to keep the kids entertained. we were doing silly little dances like the chicken dance and playing little hand games when this man comes up to us. He then started yelling at me that I was feeding the kids evil information and shit about how the holocaust didn’t happen but then also shit about how the nazi’s should have done a better job getting rid of us (which up hypocrite much you just said the holocaust didn’t happen) basically a bunch of antisemitic bullshit and how we are an evil group of people. Which like fine be antisemitic if you want I can’t change your bias if you are unwilling to hear other peoples perspective but can you like not yell all this shit IN FRONT OF A GROUP OF SEVEN YEAR OLDS TRYING TO HAVE A GREAT TIME AT SUMMER CAMP! Anyway all the kids starting crying, I called the amusement park security and I don’t know what happed to the man but it was huge waste of time and the kids only got to go on two rides because of all this shit.

Anyway moral of the story don’t be an asshole especially in front of children. I can’t tell you what to believe but my mother always taught me if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all and I recommend to everyone to take that advice. My rant is over, thank you for listening.

i’m so sorry and i’m sick to my stomach over how ignorant, disrespectful, and cruel to other people especially when they don’t fall into their own beliefs. it’s disgusting. i am so, so, so, sorry. you and those kids and everyone else deserve so much better.

#kaylin answers <3

3 notes · View notes

florenceisfalling · 1 year

Note

sorry for not realizing, i hadn't checked your blog in months before today and i kinda figured you would have blocked me in the time i wasn't on tumblr if you didn't wanna talk. the post i replied to seemed lighthearted so i did not know. obviously no need to answer this as i won't ever see it, just wanted to say i'm sorry for upsetting you even if i won't ever know exactly what went wrong with us

i mean you still have my discord dms if you really wanted. in fact, you actually stopped responding to me, not the other way around. i didn't block you because a.) you were such a large part of my life for so long that, yknow, a chunk of my blog has some sort of attachment to yours, and i didn't want to fuck up my ability to see relevant posts if im trying to find old writing shit and b.) i always wanted to leave channels open because... again, you were a large part of my life for so long. i don't want to be your friend but if anything ever came up and there was something you needed or wanted to say i wanted that to be possible for the sake of "just in case"

regardless of if you "wont ever see it" heres my answer. even this ask answers itself for one of the reasons i dont like you. you hadn't checked my blog in months. which in itself is fine, but in the grand scheme of things - jesus fuck, man! you dipped out of my life almost entirely, on repeated occasions, unless i actively tried to drag you back in. regardless of how fucking apparent it was that i was literally on the Brink, you wouldn't be there unless i was the one to call. even after i tried to have an open conversation with you + others involved on how you were so bad at handling your shit that i thought random things i had zero involvement were my fault because no one gave me any sort of indication to what the fuck was going on.

you hung out with bullies and downplayed the deserved backlash. you don't know how to take other peoples feelings or lives seriously - something that hits me so PROFOUNDLY because your kindness and comfort used to be one of the reasons i liked your company so much. you hurt my friend. and you lied to me! and more, shit that i cant say here! and you would complain and guilt-trip about how you felt like everyone hated you and how you were such a bad friend but you so rarely made steps to actually change anything you were doing! of course you don't see what went wrong, you can't even look in at yourself without making everyone else feel like its their fault for being hurt!

and id love to say that everything ive heard from you and the people surrounding you is some kind of misunderstanding and that really and truly you dont deserve my anger. i dont think you realize how much ive sat over the past year and hoped that we were somehow gonna go back to normal. i wanted to tell you i got engaged! i wanted to talk to you about a million things! but after what i had to deal with last year (not from you, other shit entirely) i sort of learned that i cannot afford to trust anyone. you have no idea the fucking depths i went to and you are not going to know because the kind of people you seem to love aspiring to be/surrounding yourself with are the same kind of people who made my world feel like it was fucking falling apart. literally some of the most insane trauma ive endured was just brushed aside as silly discourse or jokes or whatever so yeah. not sure if i can trust that everythings all just one big mix up. messages are open but i am so angry and i cant change that even if i want to and i dont think you want to hear any of it.

and im sorry for being so lighthearted about you before i thought it was a post that would just fade into the ether like my other non-context bullshit

2 notes · View notes

onzeziggy · 2 years

Note

LAURIEN THE NEW EPISODE IM SCREAMINGGGGG

Vegaspete completely blew my mind, I've been waiting all week for more and now my brain is splattered against my wall like- they just did that. And they really somehow made all of their interactions into the most tender thing 😭 no tattoo/wound kiss yet but yknow what there's still time

Kinnporsche agh they were the cutest! Kinn dropping everything to be a house husband with porsche. That's really all he wants huh, just a domestic life with his boyfriend. Just let him live in peace for God sake, chan can take over the main family and the brothers can all live their best lives

KIM OMG he was serving looks yet again (so was chay aswell tbh that blue hair looks great... I mean we only saw it in neon lighting but still) he's not forgiven in the slightest but all I'm saying is I'd be like that guy in the bar too - aka doing literally everything Kim says just from a look hsjsujss props to chay for staying strong

Lmao sorry for the rant I just had to let it out

Hope you've had a great day! Sending lots of hugs ❤

Caitlin ahhh sorry for only replying just now, but my exams are finally over so here I am to scream back about my current favorite gays sksisks

No but Vegaspete?! They- they did that… I would have never expected for Pete to make the first move (but I’m so glad he did and the other thing he did as well omg) and for it to be so intense and so tender at the same time. Vegas’ soft kisses ended my whole entire career and Pete looking up at him like that the whole time, I’m fine. Also the preview for today’s episode and them holding hands while Vegas is caressing Pete’s one so softly 😩 we better get a spiderman kiss or wound kiss so I can yeet myself to space again.

Then our one and only husbands in love kinnporsche 🥹 They were absolutely the cutest last episode! Every time I think they can’t get any more domestic there’s Kinn being the perfect boyfriend and supporting Porsche in whatever he needs, I love them so much. They were such a happy little family sitting there outside with Chay and the bread lmao but yes, invite the other brothers as well and let Korn pay for all the lies and bullshit he’s done bc we all know he will never tell the full truth.. Also the red scene made me so emotional and knowing that tonight stuff can go wrong again, I’m not prepared 😭

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, KIM INDEED! Cat I died when he showed up, my mouth dropped to the floor and I was screaming like a baby. He looked so freaking fine and this side of him, truly superior! And MOOD! I only had one thought and it’s Kim telling me to sit down, I’d be like *i’m sat* lol. No but if he could just work some more about his communication skills and actually show Chay only the tiniest amount of care instead of acting like this little bitch always walking off, I’d help a lot hahah but hopefully we’ll see a bit more of them tonight and Kim in that white shirt serving looks once again heheh

And nooo, I smiled so bright seeing your rant in my inbox, I love love love screaming about this show and all the drama with it so if you have to let it out again after tonight’s episode please do it again hihih. I’m already gonna say good luck with all the feels for tonight lmao and I’ll see you on the other side. Many hugs back to you and enjoy your weekend Cat! <333

#my asks

3 notes · View notes

zombies-aliens · 1 year

Text

So today at work got me thinking about myself. I was being helped by a funny coworker and she likes to have fun on the job and laugh and it's cool and all with me, I don't mind that whatsoever who doesn't like to have fun and laugh, but it kind of held a mirror to me of how tense I am. All I can do is smile and laugh and make a few comments and ask questions. But I don't joke back. You would think I didn't like her very much. I hope not though because it's not that I dislike my coworker it's just that I'm very tense and do not know how to relax. And it's kind of hard to relax at a stressful place like work where your brain and body have to be switched "on" all the time for hours on end. Even with two 15-minute breaks and an hour's lunch, it can be taxing. At least for me and what I have to do.*

But I feel like I'm too tense by default whenever I'm interacting with people even just one. I'm terrible with crowds too. All it takes is for a 3rd person to show up and it's a wrap for me I'm quiet you won't hear a peep out of me. Im just gonna be the guy who smiles, listens, and laughs at anything funny. I will not joke with them because I'm too tense to do it. I think I'm so tense that it effects my speech dude. Like I stutter a lot. I can still help people but man do I stutter. Some days it's worse than others and I keep tripping over my words and I sound like a nervous wreck. I get so embarassed and I can't even take a break I have to keep working. Sometimes the stress makes me wanna cry but I don't. A lot happens in a day at work like all that bullshit I have to go through but at the end of my shift I'm more calm (still tense but less) and by the time I'm in my car alone I can feel myself slowly relaxing and when I'm home I just can't wait to talk all about it to myself as I shower. Dude I'm so stressed I usually sing in the shower but instead I talk to myself about my day. I imagine I'm talking to someone who's listening. I'm sorry dude but at home I'm not good at being vulnerable because I'm a happy go lucky persona you could say, unless of course theres someone else in the house im not familiar with. I'm the type that doesn't really get sad I get quiet. I keep my pain to myself just because I don't know how to open. The fuck. up. I don't know how to DO IT. I've done it in therapy only once where I truly opened up and that was when I cried. I spoke from my emotions. And even tho I look back and wonder if what I said was off, I felt damn good that I did. But still, it wasn't about what I said it was about coming alive through my emotions which make me human. I felt like I ripped the band aid of figuratively speaking and let myself spill. I'd say the furthest I can get to opening up like that again is by talking but I'll filter my emotions through logic. It feels good too but it's not the same kind of release as that one time. It wouldn't need to be crying as long as it is an emotion I'm expressing. Honestly I feel like I'm dying or worse I feel like I'm suffocating when I'm not expressing my true self and my true thoughts and feelings. I'll say this: I can go through hell and I promise I'll live as long as I can talk about my experiences. Expressing myself is key. It's got to be. It just has to be. Because I just had a shit day today and I feel better now talking than I did when I left work FUCK YES THAT FELT GOOD AHHHHHHHHHH I GOT A LITTLE SMILE NOW

*( I have a new position at work where I'm running cases. That means I'm the only guy with keys who's opening cases for people to get their baby formula, their deodorant, their shampoo, their shaving stuff, energy drinks and coffee, and alcohol. And I think I missed one more but yeah. Other people help too but they have their own thing to do so help isn't available for the most part. It sounds easy on paper, but when the store is packed I am getting calls on my radio where I need to be everywhere at the same time, and I have to be there within 30 seconds or a minute - it's a medium-sized store. That's the part that stresses me out. It gets easier tho when it starts getting dark and fewer people show up so that's good. It's not pure stress all day. And I hate to sound like I'm complaining but I'm just telling you what goes on and that it gets hectic at times and then I got people who walk slowly and there's crowds I have to get through to get to another customer who needs my assistance. The customers are always patient tho. But I have to still be on time so I'm fast walking taking big steps. And coworkers could probably tell I'm stressed but then again I can't imagine what type of stress the people at customer service go through or the cashiers too. I've heard some of their stories in the breakroom and it's not pretty)

1 note · View note

nandermoenthusiast · 6 years

Text

tfw you wanna make out (and maybe hold their hand????) with your friend and he probably wants it too but youre both too much of a chicken to actually make the move (and also all your other friends are hell bent on side eyeing you and not leaving you alone bc spoiler alert they are a bit jealous about it) and as you both get increasingly busy (but still wanna spend time together) and you feel like the window of opportunity is closing off you get sadder and this reflects on your interactions and you dont wanna say goodbye u just wanna fucking make out

#ya feel #i just wanna type: get the fuck here @ my house w your damn car so i can jump in your lap and mouth wrestle #and instead we are texting about bullishit #this is all bullshit nancy my girl help me out here help my fingers text him that we are being fucking idiots and wasting time #on some level i guess im also scared like #he did text me he was gonna pick me up tday #but. another one of our friends texted me 1 minute prior. and he ALWAYS picks me up. so i just said to both of them:#you texted me at the same time. instead of making the call and saying: oh dude said hes gonna pick me up today #but since he did come one minute late i felt like a fraud picking him (even tho i could have jumped him when hed drop me off!#this was the perfect occasion!) but instead i was honest and the reactions of course were:#dude says ok np (like okay so then hes gonna pick u up) and friend doesnt hesitate 1 sec in his conviction that i was gonna go w him #fuck i truly hate this i should have just lied it was a little white lie that could have benefited me immensely #fuck man. fuck....kkkkk;;;;;;#im so stupid. im so dumb ohhh mg #text pots #sorry but this has got to be said: im a dumbass. but also me expressing interest in any person first? unrealistic #even if he had brought me home i would have just kissed him on the cheek or whatever....lbr unless he does smth im #too much of a chicken to do anything. .........or am i..........#s boy

2 notes · View notes

bratzkoo · 3 years

Text

delivery! (i)

credits to @monvante for making this beautiful banner (and divider!) Author: bratzkoo | navi Pairing: pizza delivery guy! jungkook x reader x seokjin Genre: fluff, comedy (i think?), semi-angst Rating: PG-15 Word count: 1.5k Warnings/note: underage drinking, obsession with pizza, swearing, there has been a huge misunderstanding with who the reader is in love with, seokjin is oblivious with the readers feelings, jungkook being the other half of the busan torture device, i made some changes with their ages, pls tell me if there’s more warning i need to put. it’s a highschool! au but there will be an eventual time skip. Summary: You planned a grand gesture to confess to your long time crush (or as you like to call him: “the love of my life”) and things turned out to be horrible on your part. One, you accidentally confessed to the wrong person. Two, he accepted your confession. Three, your crush accepted someone else’s confession! aka you confessed to your pizza delivery guy and now he thinks the both of you are dating. delivery! ii | requests are open | masterlist

“Hey, Chim.” You greeted your best friend and sat down next to him in the cafeteria. “Hello there--” Jimin stops when he sees how you look. “You look... how do I say this in the nicest way possible?” “Just say I look horrible, Chim.” You said as you put fries and chicken nuggets in your burger then taking a large bite, not caring if other people think it’s weird. “No, Y/N! You look, okay, you know what. You do look horrible, what happened to you?” Jimin held out his hand to feel your forehead, checking if you’re sick. “Stayed up all night planning my confession to Jin before he graduates and leaves me in this horrible hell hole with you.” “You’re my best friend in the whole wide world, too.” He sarcastically replies. “You think he’ll accept you if you confess to him looking like you got off from your role in the walking dead?” “Who’s confessing to who?” You smile when Sana--your recently new friend sits down in front of you. “Oh, Y/N is confessing to - mmh.” You shove fries in Jimin’s mouth to stop him from talking. He spits it out and glares at you. “You have someone you like, Y/N?” she asked. “Why didn’t I know that?” she puts her chin at the back of her hand, leaning in. “It’s Seokjin.” you said, you don’t notice how Sana stiffens and masks it with a bright smile. “That’s great, Y/N.” she says. She suddenly grabs your cheeks. “Why do you look so tired? You better get some rest.” “I will.” you say. she removes her hands to your face and starts to eat. “You’re too nice, Sana. I called her a zombie when I saw her.” Jimin says. “I personally th--” You shove chicken nuggets on his mouth to shut him up once again, instead of spitting it out he happily chewed it. You scan the whole cafeteria to check if he’s around, you know the love of your life Kim Seokjin. It’s easy to find him because he’s in the middle of everything, like the star that he is. His friends are bickering while he silently eats. He has always been calm when in public and prefers to let loose only with people that he’s comfortable with. Seokjin is your senior who has been your friend for a while now, he became close with you because of a competition the two of you joined for the school. You have grown close enough for you to have grown feelings for him. Seokjin suddenly met your eye, catching you staring at him (or ogling at him if you’re not Mr. Kim Oblivious Seokjin), he smiles and waves at you. You blush as you wave back. He tries to mouth something like “See you tonight.” You give him a thumbs up and then he goes back in eating his food. You sighed wondering why you fell in love with this dense guy in the first place. If he wasn’t even oblivious with your massive crush on him, you wouldn’t even plan this confession anyways. You stayed up all night preparing for this day to be perfect and you’ll be damned if your confession didn’t go as your plan. The confession will happen tonight. You hope he says yes and you don’t have to proceed to “plan: he doesn’t like me back” which is just eat 8 pints of ice cream while watching 27 dresses. Nevertheless, you hope for the best.

What you didn’t hope was Seokjin cancelling your plans. You asked him to call you if he’s on his way and you did receive a call, except he calls to tell you he couldn’t make it. “I’m sorry, Y/N. I can’t make pizza night, my friend has an emergency.” He says over the phone. You began to feel down, you wished you pretend you had an emergency too so he would just come in but you felt guilty for his friend who probably is hurt. “I understand, you go do your thing.” You say. “I’m truly sorry, I’ll make it up to you. Bye.” He drops the call in a hurry. Now you’re in an empty house (courtesy of your parents leaving you to go visit your sister studying in Europe) filled with decorations. You hold onto your phone and call Pizzeria’s Haven-- the only pizza place you trust-- to order 2 cheese supreme so you can mope in peace while stuffing yourself later. You grab your mom’s margarita on the fridge and began pouring out for yourself in a mug, your mom didn’t mind because “As long as you do it in the house, you’re drinking responsibly, you promise not to vomit on the carpet, and most importantly not telling your dad that the bottles labeled ‘herbal supplement’ are margarita in disguise... you can drink to your heart’s content.” You take a sip from the mug as you skim through your netflix account to find Catching Fire, a movie that will make you feel better every time you see shirtless Finnick Odair. Your pizza arrives and you open the door to find Jungkook holding 2 boxes of pizza with a smile on his face. “Delivery!” He greets when he sees your face. “Y/N!” “Hey, Jungkook!” You greet back and grab the pizza he’s holding and give him the money- with an extra for his tip. “Want to stay and eat this with me?” You guess you were too lonely and kinda tipsy that you impulsively ask if he wants to stay to eat pizza with you. Jungkook grows flustered, “I- I can’t, I have to take calls and deliver pizza.” He declines, you raise your eyebrow. “What bullshit did Jimin say to get off work today?” You ask, knowing your friend tends to leave Jungkook to work by himself during weekend night shift. If he’s not the son of the owner he’s long fired from his job by now. “He’s actually busy serving dine-in customers, hectic night. I really gotta run.” He explains as he walks towards his motorcycle. “Good luck on that!” You say as you close your door. You put the pizza boxes on top of the coffee table, opening it to grab three slices then putting them together before you take a bite. You planned everything to be perfect and it turn out this way. You might as well go crazy, get drunk, and purge yourself with pizza.

You woke up with a very bad headache the following day, you apparently passed out in your living room with the empty bottle of your mom’s ‘herbal supplement’ laying on the floor with you. You checked your phone for the time but saw skeptic messages from an unknown number and from Jimin. Unknown number [2:00 am]: Y/N it’s me [2:02 am]: It’s yes... [2:03 am]: I’ll come see you at 2 pm Chimmy boy [2:10 am]: yow bitch, you’re dating jeon jungkook?! i thought you’re confessing to seokjin? [2:11 am]: you got some explaining to do What the hell? You groggily unlocked your phone to reply to Jimin and ignored the messages from the unknown number... for now. Y/N [11:12 am]: jwu what r u talking about? explain in detail, im vv hangover Chimmy boy [11:20 am]: bitch you’ve been drinking without me, how dare you. Y/N [11:23 am]: ugh shut up, come over so we can talk Chimmy boy [11:27 am]: i’ll come tonight, want to sleep more You drop your phone to the sofa and start to clean off your mess from last night when few of the memories did came back to you. “Hey, you. I like you...Fuck...I like you so much.” “I invited you and If you could have seen the effort I made! I mean, I know you were busy but you could’ve gone here after you’re done?” “Instead of a grand gesture sort of confession, I’m confessing to you on the phone! On the phone!” “You have my number... you can tell me your answer by then. Just say yes or no, I’ll be waiting.” Oh no, you confess to Seokjin when you were drunk. You regret not hiding your phone away from your stupid drunk self but it seems as he said yes. So what’s with Jimin telling me I’m dating Jungkook? Seokjin said yes and he’s coming to your house at 2 pm. You scream in excitement and run towards your closet to find something cute when you open the door for him later. You could use a shower too, it feels like you sweated the alcohol you consumed last night. By the time it was 2:03 pm someone rang the doorbell, you shake in nervousness when you open the door that reveals Jungkook smiling and holding flowers. Your eyebrows furrow seeing him. He hands you the bouquet of flowers and cheerfully say, “Delivery!”

80 notes · View notes

xsarcasticwriterx · 3 years

Text

Young God-part 2

Summary:

Pairing: Loki x reader

Warnings: swearing, lowkey (hehe Loki) manipulation, angsttttt

notes: pfft I'm so sorry I haven't updated any of my stories in like 2 months I just hit a wall with most of my stories

You haven't been sleeping well these past few days. Loki had decided to take a vow of silence. After the first day you came, he's been silent. Thor said sometimes Loki would do that when his mother took his toys away, his way of pouting. So today you had a plan. You walked down to the cells holding the large box of books from Earth.

Seeing Loki sitting and reading some book he looked up and back down. "ok Loki you wanna play? let's play." you sat next to the cell putting the box down. you pulled one of the books out, harry potter and the sorcerer's stone.

"you speak. you get this book. don't even have to get all personal just answer some questions." loki poked his head up examining the book in your hand and placed his down. he nodded before shrugging. "great. your here because of new york obviously. whd you do it?" it was a simple question. why would he hurt all those people. loki stood up and crouched next to you "because i wanted to" he put his hand out. you shrugged a deal was a deal. you handed him the book.

"why'd you do it?" you knew he was lying. You could see it in his face. "because i love the sounds of you pitiful mortals screams" hand out. Next book.

"why'd you do it?'

"because you need a ruler who better than I?"

hand out

next book

"why'd you do it?"

"because your kind are weak without those like me"

hand out

next book

"why," you said more sternly. "don't bullshit me Loki ok because the last thing you said to me is still true. That I know was true. You said you still hear their screams I assume that'd be the victims of new york. why'd you do it?" you asked again. Loki smirked at you "whos to say I didn't just say that to screw with your. little. head."

he was right. who was to say. except you could see it maybe he tried to act cocky and tough but when he said that. it was true. he was traumatized by his own actions. "because when you lie you smirk or smile after but the truth....oh baby boy the truth hurts like a bitch. now you may be able to control the words that exit your mouth but you can not control your bodys instincts." you said with a smile. loki tilted his chin up before sitting back down and reading his book.

you rolled your eyes starting to walk away. "you humans always assume if we dont talk you must leave" loki said. you turned back to him. he was still reading but at least this meant he hadnt stopped speaking again. you sat back down at the wall. "has odin stopped giving you the ability to come in?" "no" "well then"

loki put down the book and looked up at you. you walked into the cell. "i am a god. Someone who claims to be above all and yet....a gem could take control of my every fear and movement" loki scoffed. you were confused, had the scypher managed to control loki as it had the others.

"Then why didnt you stop? Thor had snapped you out of the 'trance' many times why didnt you stop then?" You sat down at a table. Loki looked around the room. His face darker. Saddened. But in the end he simply shrugged. "Guess cause im just and eveil god who wants power" he said with a small smile yet the tone was sarcastic.

You knew of lokis past. His adoption the lies and so forth. Did he truly believe that those around him hate him so much that he just....became the villain he thinks they see him as. Are you questioning the wrong god. Should you be going after odin?

You shook your head of the thoughts. You werr there not to attack those who caused the actions but to find out why the attacker did it so the avengers can be prepared simply based on background.

You stood up walking out of the cell but leaving the box of books. "Your books" loki yelled to you. "There yours now" you said walking upstairs.

Tag list

@thatchickwiththecamera @breezy2and2freezy

#loki of asgard #loki fanfic #loki odinson #loki #loki laufeyson #loki fanfiction #mcu #mcu fanfiction #mcu x reader #marvel cinematic universe #marvel

18 notes · View notes

anothertimdrakestan · 4 years

Text

Burn (Tim Drake x Reader) angst????

Words: 1.6k

Req: Hello!! May I request Tim x reader angst?? The song “Burn” from Hamilton is stuck in my head so why not put it into context with Tim cheating on reader?? Thanks and bring on the pain..

omg i love this song and im shit at angst but you only get better from trying right??? so lmk how i did i tried lmao hope you enjoy!

You dove into Bart’s chest as the tears began falling. “Just say it’s not true, say I’m wrong. Just say it” you clutched the fabric of his shirt while he stayed silent, his arms rubbing your back. “I- we- we all thought you guys were over I didn’t realize I would’ve said something but he was so secretive” Bart murmured while you let the sobs wrack your body.

“All the nights he didn’t come home from the tower he was with her?” You began, pushing Bart away while you felt like tearing your hair out. “Every time he left me on read he probably wasn’t even the person I was texting” you continued spitting out the words in such a way that Bart was flinching at your delivery. “And now, when he needs a fucking reason to be out of Gotham he’s on a trip with her? Just leaving me here like it’s nothing? Like everything we had was just a fun little power trip for him?” you were yelling by now.

“No- I mean yeah, Tim’s an idiot. But maybe it’s not true, maybe you just need to talk to him or something” Bart piped up, your head whipped around. “Yeah? Who am I gonna talk to? Mr. Taking My New Girlfriend On A Getaway Trip? You know he didn’t take me anywhere. Months. I begged for a day together and he was just too busy. He’s not too busy for her though, clearly she’s everything I’m not.” your anger was seeping from you slowly, the realization that every time he told you he was yours he was probably sharing rooms at the tower with her. “god FUCK how long has this been going on? It’s been like a month since he moved in to the tower- dammit! My friends told me this long distance bullshit doesn’t work but ‘oh y/n we’re perfect it’ll be fine! I’ll fly home all the time! We can call every night’ that turned out great didn’t it.” you felt the hot angry tears get replaced with the slow rolling tears that reminded you once again you weren’t good enough to be kept around.

“Do you- maybe- wanna talk to him?” Bart was clearly terrified of you but you appreciated his help. “B, what good is that gonna do? You know Tim as well as- better than me. He’ll give me a shitty excuse that it was ‘for the greater good’ or that I’m ‘just looking at it wrong’ you know he’s better with words than either of us he could run- dammit he has run circles around me like a fucking toy” you had begun scrolling through your phone wondering how many texts got copied and pasted to another text thread with someone he probably cared about more than you.

“So, what are you gonna do then?” Bart had sat next to you on the floor, letting you rest your head on his shoulder while you scrolled through text after text noticing every red flag or lazy text. “Y/n that’s not good to be looking at, you’ve gotta block him or something” Bart whispered, staring at your screen probably reading every message in slow motion.

“It’s not just the messages I’ll be blocking” you whispered, letting the seething anger slide back in. In what Bart would describe as almost super human speed you began the descent to freedom, blocking, unfollowing, and deleting almost everything that was reminiscent of you and Tim. Then you got to your main instagram account. “Fuck it” you whispered, unfollowing him knowing that tabloids would be starting the smear campaign now.

It felt like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders at an immeasurable price- the price of heartbreak which you’ll be indebted to for a long time.

~a week later~

“I have really got to buy myself some damn pajamas” you groaned to yourself, pushing down the little lovesick demon in your head that was telling you it was okay to keep sleeping in Tim’s hoodies and sweats because maybe he’ll apologize and you can take him back and be in love again and- not gonna happen. The celebrity magazines had been lurking near your apartment for days now, waiting to hear the newest gossip and find out what truly happened as you’d been radio silent- only adding to the interest of the paparazzi. As you realized you had to go outside today you prepared yourself for the onslaught of questions.

“Y/N L/N WHAT’S GOING ON WITH YOU AND MR. DRAKE-WAYNE?” “MISS Y/N WHY THE UNFOLLOW?” “HAVE YOU BEEN SEEING HIS RECENT POSTS? WHO IS THE MYSTERY GIRL?” you cringed at the last question, reminding yourself that his actions didn’t matter as he hadn’t truly been a part of your life for months.

Before you could get into the black SUV waiting for you, you were stopped and trapped until you spoke into the microphone in front of you. “Anything you can give us on Tim Drake-Wayne and you?” you took a small breath, willing yourself to stay calm. “I’m sorry I simply just don’t know who that is” you smiled between your words, using the confused moment on the questioner’s face to slip into the car and drive off, finally letting you exhale the breath you’d been holding in.

~two weeks later~

You almost threw up at the sound of a once familiar knock on your door.

“Y/n, y/n I know you’re here let me in we’ve gotta talk” his voice pleaded from your hallway. After three deep breaths and promises to yourself to stay strong you opened the door. Tim looked normal, it was horrible. You had been fighting to look that normal and were barely holding together but here he was, wearing the shirt he wore the night he told you he loved you with the ever present stern look like nothing had ever gone wrong. He moved to come inside but you blocked his path. “We can talk out here. I don’t have much to say” you hissed, watching him sheepishly back off. “Y/n I just wanted a chance to explain and give my side and-” you cut him off. “Apologize. You’re here to apologize and if you aren’t you’d better leave now” you were screaming and sobbing and melting down internally but you held your composure.

“Well, yeah, that too. But also we need to issue a public statement because yaknow it’s kinda been going so fast and I think if we could just sit down and work everything out we could stay on better terms because I am so sorry love” you flinched against your own will at the familiar nickname. You took a second to remind yourself that he was again just using his words to get the better of you, you were not going to fall for the same trick twice. “There’s no statement Tim, I’m not clearing your name or coming to your side- hell, I’m going to go work with fucking lexcorp so you won’t even have to worry about seeing me at the office. You and I are separate entities, you broke that relationship when you began the lies and the goddamn cheating, there’s no public statement I’d make that would put you in a better light you’re lucky as hell that this is all I’m saying got it?” you watched him flinch at your words and against all your control you could feel your body begging you to hug him and kiss away the pain like you’d done for months on months.

“Y/n I want to apologize, I should’ve never- it- it was a lapse in judgement but I want to make it right” Tim pleaded, you watched his facade falter, like he truly felt sorry. “That’s great Tim, I’ll try to remember that when I remember all the nights you said you were stuck at the tower with work when you were with her okay? Sound good? You have a good one okay?” you feigned a smile, shutting the door and crumpling to the ground.

You let yourself cry silently, burying your head in your hands. Your heart was heavy, it had been learning to beat on it’s own now, not to the beat of Tim’s and it hurt. But it was done? Not really. Not when you’re in the public eye, running a business that would eventually have to work with Wayne Ent. it wouldn’t ever truly be over. Your body was practically turning in on itself, your throat burning as you held in sobs, refusing to let anyone know how deeply this wound would scar. A scar so jagged and deep you feared if would keep your heart permanently broken.

So how does it end? Because this was supposed to be the closure everyone said you needed. Where you give him a slap in the face for hurting you, telling him to ‘fuck off’ and instantly the pain subsides. But the pain was so intense and raw nothing felt soothing anymore. In a span of weeks you’d lost friends, hell- you’d lost family, and you’d lost love. Because no matter how hard you try to pry the words he said from your brain they creep back in. Nights when he’d call you from the Tower and explain how much he missed you and how perfect you were, days when you got texts about how he missed kissing every inch of your face, memories of the beautiful moments you’d had together that you figured you’d be telling your kids about. Those don’t just die with the relationship. They fester and they boil into your skin, they run through your veins, they flash in your head, reminding you that even when you gave every ounce of love you could muster you still weren’t enough. That’s what will forever stick. So it doesn’t every truly end does it?

Because you can’t burn away scares without leaving a deeper wound. And your wounds were deeper than you could fathom. Your wounds had just simply broken you.

Tim Drake had broken you.

So how the fuck do you get fixed?

237 notes · View notes

shhhlikeme · 4 years

Note

Hello! I want to start off by saying you’re really pretty and your writing is amazing 🥺👉👈 Could I request a oneshot where the s/o of either Yamaguchi or Suga (which ever you prefer they are both my babies) get into an argument and the s/o ends up flinching out of habit during it, and maybe some cute fluff at the end?

Sugawara Koshi x Reader Angst Fluff !!!!

———————————

A/N: Hello! EYEEE want to start off by saying im blushing thank you angel💖💖💖 of course you can. Request anytime I’m all ears and keyboard taps!

This is super fluffy so I hope you like it!!!!

Yams is my favourite but I haven’t written a Suga story yet and I have a little crush on him so I’ll pick him, yay! (Also, Suga’s voice actor in the dub sounds so attractive to me ugh)

———————————

“Hey baby!” You walked into your boyfriend’s room that his parents let you into. You flicked the lights on.

can we all collectively agree that Suga’s parents are some Queen Elsa & Jack Frost looking mfs?!

Surprised because you didn’t tell him you were stopping by, Sugawara’s eyes lit up when he saw you

“Y/N, what are you doing here?” He scrambled off his bed to you, giving you a chaste kiss.

You can’t tell anyone this, but Suga’s parents secretly invited you because they have been worried about their son

From their perspective, Suga came home everyday seemingly drained and depressed

He would mutter a hello to his parents, go straight to his room and lock the door

You didn’t know this, because your boyfriend was completely normal with you and with his friends from school

He was his regular cheeky self that you loved

But you couldn’t deny his parents anything and you wanted to see your baby so you agreed to come over one night after school to kind of “catch him in this act” that his parents described

You scanned your handsome boy’s face and it made you frown

He did looked drained. That’s not normal considering school had been out for maybe an hour and you just saw him during last period looking chipper.

He had lines under his eyes and his shoulders were slumped/lower than usual. Not to mention his eyes betrayed him because they looked like someone who was really going through it, even though you could see that his spirits lifted with your entry

You didn’t say anything, opting to poke his stomach instead and smile up at him

for someone’s whose weak spot is his ticklish tummy, the joy from his laugh didn’t reach his eyes whole heartedly like they normally did

You tested one last time.

“I made you tempura, just the way you like it,” You placed the wrapped dinner plate you bagged on his dresser, gauging his reaction.

Koshi appeared like he was a stage actor when he gave you a big smile and said thanks.

Your heart immediately sank then, because you knew his parents had been telling the truth.

There was something wrong with your Koshi. Very wrong.

Ok. Here goes.

You turned around to lock his room door and took his hand

You gestured for him to crawl back into bed which he seemed genuinely happy about.

You straddled his waist, sitting in a position where he couldn’t hide his face from you nor could he escape when this questioning started

“Uh oh. You only sit on me like this when you want “to talk.”

You nodded. He knew.

Your boyfriend liked talking about his feelings but not when they could potentially bring down the mood of others.... and with this specific circumstance where he was able to hide his sadness from you so well, you had no choice but to jump straight into playing hardball.

“Shishi.” You used the embarrassing pet name you made for him and he slightly blushed.

Marry him, aight?

“Yeah? You okay? I’m listening baby tell me.” He looked at you with his shining eyes.

“What’s wrong?”

Suga didn’t miss a beat. He was well rehearsed. “Wait—me? This talk is about me? Nothing. Why do you ask?”

“Well why are you laying in your bed with the lights off at 4pm? You’re usually doing your school work at this time. That’s what you text me.”

Suga sighed. “I was just tired today, that’s all.”

“Shishi.....”

“Y/N, baby. trust me I’m fi-“

“Is it about volleyball?”

Koshi sat up quickly, cradling your back to make sure you were safe. He scooted backwards, making it so his back was leaning on his headboard.

“Can I please put you next to me?” He asked.

You mentally noted that he didn’t answer the question.

And that he wanted to get out of this “truth spell” position

So it was about volleyball. You ignored his question back and pushed forward.

“Did something happen? Is Daichi injured again? Or is Ukai quitting—“

Suga locked his jaw, looking away from you. “No no. It’s not that— I’m fine. I’m good.”

You couldn’t tell who he was trying to convince more: you? Or himself?

You pushed a bit further.

“Tomorrow is your Senior game, right? You, Asahi, Daichi and Kiyoko will be awarded for the years you put in, right?”

Suga, looking pained, gently moved you off his lap to sit next to him. He got out of bed and paced the room. You knew you were about to crack him but you weren’t too concerned because he needed to let whatever this was out. It’s bad enough that your baby was having such internal conflict like this. It was depressing him and he was dealing with it all by himself.

You stared at him and moved to sit up on your knees, prepared to deal the final blow.

“Are you sad about not playing, Shishi?”

The volcano that Sugawara had been trying so hard to keep in finally erupted at your words.

“SAD?! Am I sad?!” He practically roared at you loudly.

You flinched because it was the first time you have ever heard your boyfriend raise his voice in anger, let alone at you. You remember that he told you he’d only shown his team that side of him once during a game and they were shook, rightfully so. He was kind of scary like this.

“YES I’m sad! But mostly, I’M PISSED! EVERYONE expects me to walk on stage tomorrow and accept an award I had no part in contributing to?! I have been on this team for 3 years, 2 of those years as a starting setter and those two years accounted for bullshit seasons for Karasuno. The one year I sat my ass on the bench is the year we WIN! The year the crows got their wings back I AM SITTING OUT! No one wants to admit it but what the fuck does that tell you, me, and everyone, huh?! It tells us that I was the problem. I was the broken part: the gear that caused the machine to malfunction. The gear that Kageyama came in and fixed—2 years my junior. I’m pathetic, you know?! How many captains sitbon the fucking bench while I watch my best friends play the sport we all love equally? Then I have to walk around all day pretending I don’t feel this way because I am too busy stopping Kageyama and Hinata from pummelling eachother, telling Tsukishima to stop being so mean, mitigating Yamaguchi and Ashai’s panic attacks, Forbidding Tanaka and Noya’s anger issues and the reward I get for all it isn’t the luxury of playing like Daichi who does similar work. I get no reward. I pretend to be happy the Sugawara that I used to be. I’m not happy. The only time I take off that mask off is when I get home and by that time I’m so exhausted from keeping up the facade that staying in the dark until I have to go to school again and put the mask back on is the only way I can cope. So YES I’m fucking sad, Y/N. Sad is an understatement.”

you stayed silent as you listened to every emotionally charged word, letting him catch his breath

Your heart had been shattered around the 4 second mark of his speech, hearing the mental turmoil your baby had been going through in his voice

He was going through all of that pain...

And in spite of it he would still call you every night and listen to you talk about how annoyed you are at your little sister for stealing your shirt

He didn’t change for you because he didn’t want to stress you out and that made you feel like a failure as a girlfriend

After a few minutes of Sugawara calming down, you opened your arms for him invitingly

“Come here.”

Suga looked at you, obviously fighting back tears. Not being able to bare going through it alone anymore, he mounted the bed again, hugging you then maneuvering your bodies so that he was spooning you.

“I saw you flinch. I’m so sorry for scaring you.” He whispered as he kissed the back of your hair. “I love you. So so much, Y/N.”

You reached back to run a hand soothingly against the side of his face. You felt wet tears there and you repeated the soothing gesture. “I love you more, Shishi.....” You backed up so you were pressed closer to his warm body, reinforcing the fact that you weren’t going anywhere. “And Shishi when you’re ready... I can’t wait to tell you all the reasons why you’re the team’s and my....MVP, alright?”

Sugawara nodded into your hair before tightening his grasp on you.

———————————

A/N: This is probably the post I’ve written that is the most realistic in terms of cannon character sentiment. As an ex competitive volleyball player I believe this is truly how Suga feels :( at least youre there to cheer him up!!

#haikyuu boys #haikyuu!!#hq sugawara #hq headcanons #haikyuu headcannons #sugawara koshi #sugawara x reader #haikyuu fluff #fluff #haikyuu stories #haikyuu scenarios #haikyu requests #sugawara x you #sugawara headcanon #sugawara x y/n #haikyuu sfw

297 notes · View notes

hey-hey-chan · 4 years

Text

The Protagonist - Hyunjin

❀ Slice of life

❀ Warning: mentions of death & covid-19

❀ Word count: 8k

❀ When your best friend Ryujin cheats on her boyfriend who you’re also friends with, you’re stuck to pick up the pieces of their relationship. When Ryujin starts pushing you away and Hyunjin starts keeping you close, you wonder who was a better friend to you in the first place and uncover new feelings you never knew you had.

❀ A/N: i know i haven’t written in like a year?? but i suddenly had inspiration to write. Honestly, I felt the inspiration after I didn’t get picked job opportunity I really wanted (and thought I was going to get). I was put on the waitlist, but it still hurt my ego. But, I had some other good news and you can read on my blog about it, but I still wanted to write. I didn’t really have anything in mind, but I just let my words take me where it needed to be. Also, don’t get used to me writing, I won’t be writing often or at all. I’m not that into skz anymore LOL

------

Do you ever feel like you’re not the protagonist of your own story?

Yeah, that’s how I feel everyday.

Especially today.

“Ok, on the count of three, we reveal our statuses ... one... two..”

“And three!”

I tore open the letter from my dream college, Seoul University, probably giving myself a paper cut in the process.

“OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, I GOT IN! I got in y/n, holy shit!” I heard my friend’s words over the speaker, but I just couldn’t get the stupid envelope open.

“Fuck this.” I grabbed the scissors nearby and cut the damn thing open, revealing a thin piece of white paper.

I regret to inform you that you have been...

I felt tears well up in my eyes instantly at the words “regret” and “inform”, already knowing where the letter is taking me.

“Y/N?? What does it say?!”

I cleared my throat. “I didn’t get in...”

I cried harder, silently, when I heard her moans of agony. “No fucking way! You’re a WAY better student than I am! There’s something wrong.”

I shook my head. I was a good student, but I wasn’t the best personality. I was only in two clubs: acapella club and bagel club. Not good enough for the best university in our city.

“It’s ok. I have plenty more universities I applied to, I’ll be ok. I’m so, so happy for you though! I swear you’re gonna have so much fun!”

My stomach churned as I said those words. Did I really mean them? I didn’t feel happy in the moment.

“Ugh, I hate this... I really thought we would be roommates!”

I set the pristine piece of paper on my desk; I didn’t even want to look at it anymore.

“Don’t worry about it. This could even be a good thing! We’ll meet new people and just widen our group of friends. It’ll be awesome. Plus, I’m too weird for this clean cut college.” I joked.

That made her laugh. “You’re right, they couldn’t handle your personality. Anyways, I got to go to drama club right now, talk later? And again, I’m really sorry y/n.”

I pursed my lips. “Talk later, and don’t worry about me!” I ended the phone call and let the tears fall freely from my eyes.

I knew this would happen.

How could I compete with a chemistry major with a 4.0 GPA and the president of 2 clubs with a bombass personality? I was nothing compared to her.

I picked up the piece of paper and took one good look at it before crumpling it into a ball and throwing it. The soft thud barely made a sound which was anticlimactic. I was trying to have an angsty teen moment here??

Sometimes I felt like I was just a side character in a movie or a book. I was that girl who watched her best friend experience all these things in life and you just stand by them and cheer them on. They are the ones who have a mental breakdown and somehow end up with the love of their life at the end.

That was my best friend, Ryujin.

She was the one that every guy and girl fell for. Her charisma bounced off walls and even made me dizzy at times. And it wasn’t even like she was the “girly-girl” that we see in movies, no no no, tomboys are much trendier nowadays. She was confident around guys and wasn’t afraid to embarrass herself in front of anyone. I was insanely jealous of her sometimes which I would never admit.

She’s funny and adventurous, pretty and athletic: she is everything I ever wanted to be in a person.

She even had the hottest guy in the school as her boyfriend, Hwang Hyunjin.

I, on the other hand, was the opposite of her. I wasn’t overly awkward and uncomfortable to be around like the protagonists of some books. I wasn’t even cold and hostile like the mysterious girl in fanfiction.

No, I was just completely and utterly average.

I wasn’t “ugly” or whatever that means. You wouldn’t cringe away if you saw me, but the only guys I attract on the streets are the ones who might follow me home. I was friendly to people I met and was the queen of small talk. I was girlier than I wanted to be and try to put on makeup, but end up with botched eyebrows and nonexistent mascara-- that didn’t stop me from trying though.

I cringed at every horror movie, I hate sports, I love astrology, and the only close friends I have are girls.

Well, the only friend I truly have is Ryujin and all her friends became mine.

Any who, I was the girl that if a story was written about her, it’d be about 2 minutes long. I never had any big failures or big achievements. No family issues or tragic past. Nothing. I was a normal girl with a normal life.

And now one who wouldn’t even be going to college with her best friend who she depends on for her social life. Oh yeah, I was a burden too. Now she can’t even be fully happy because of me.

Great, just great.

I felt a buzz near the bottom of my foot. I sighed and kicked it towards me.

‘Ok i wasnt going to ask you this, but i just have to. did you know?’ -hyunjin

I squinted my eyes, re-reading the message to see if I got that correctly. What the heck is he talking about?

‘what are you talking about?’

‘are you being serious?’ -hyunjin

Ok, now this is just weird. I sat up in my bed, suddenly interested in this conversation.

‘im being serious. i have no clue what you’re talking about. care to inform me?’

I sent the text, realizing this is probably the longest conversation Hyunjin and I have had over text. We often hung out in person in groups, since he was Ryujin’s boyfriend and we did have the occasional deep conversation, but talking like this was new territory.

‘im 100% sure ryu would tell her best friend that she cheated’ -hyunjin

Wait. What did he just say?

Suddenly I was standing, pacing around the room.

‘ok, i’ve officially lost whatever ur talking about. what the hell are you saying? ryujin did not’ I typed in confidence, but realized I shouldn’t immediately attack the victim. I erased the message and called him.

He picked up almost instantly.

“What the hell did you just say?” I heard him shift around, probably in his bed.

“I said, I’m sure that Ryujin would tell you if she cheated-”

“Ok, that, stop right there. You’re saying Ryujin cheated on you?” I felt my head spin.

Ryujin can’t be a cheater. That’s impossible. And plus, she would’ve told me if something was wrong in her perfect relationship.

I heard a loud chuckle on his side. “Wow, you really don’t know do you.” I shook my head, but I realized he couldn’t see me.

“Um, I really don’t, so I would really love it if you explained.”

“What’s there to explain? She came to my house two days ago and told me she was cheating on me with Jeongin. Yang fucking Jeongin, who is, yes, a grade younger than us!”

I winced at his volume. Hyunjin was a lot of things, but he definitely wasn’t a liar. Neither was Ryujin which is why I had no idea what was going on.

“You have anything to say?” He asked. But I was in complete shock.

“Well, um... I’m gonna talk to her about this. Bye, Hyunjin.” I hung up the phone and tossed it on the side of my bed despite his muffled talking.

What the fuck is going on?

-------

“I’m asking you a simple question, did you or did you not cheat on Hyunjin?”

After Ryujin came home from drama club, I was already there waiting at her door. She gave me a weird look since we live a good 20 minute walk away from each other, but yes, this conversation was worth the exercise.

“Excuse me, what did you just say?” She asked with a sassy tone, but I had no time for this bullshit.

“Did you cheat on Hyunjin? God Ryu, just answer the question!” I felt my face turning red and I knew I was losing my temper. I had no idea why I was so upset, but I just was.

I saw her features contort, and I knew I was going to hear the truth.

“Ok, yeah, yeah I did.”

My heart dropped.

We didn’t say anything to each other for a couple of seconds. It was like we were both taunting each other, which she doesn’t have the right to do in this moment.

“Are you serious? Why?” I asked incredulously.

She didn’t say anything yet walked passed me and straight to her door.

“Hey, what the hell?”

“Y/N, I cheated on him, what else is there to say? It’s done, it happened!” I almost flinched at her tone. It was bitter and angry and it was a tone I was used to with her.

“What the fuck? Ryu, why wouldn’t you tell me? And this is breaking Hyunjin’s heart-”

“You know what? I don’t have to tell you everything about my relationship! It has nothing to do with you. It doesn’t even matter, ok? I just don’t wanna talk about it.”

I stood silently, wondering who was this person in front of me.

“Fine, I’ll leave then.”

As I walked back to my house, I couldn’t help but feel like I was stuck in the protagonist’s drama once again.

-----

It was almost 1am when I got back home. Thankfully, my parents were asleep and thought I was staying the night at Ryujin’s like I told them. I snuck in the house and collapsed on my bed. This was too much emotion for one day.

I peered down at my phone and saw the light illuminate the room.

‘So. is your world shattered like mine?’ -hyunjin

I bit my lip. Was it weird to text my best friend’s ex-boyfriend like this? Technically, we were somewhat of friends too. So I’m not breaking any rules.

‘this is fucked up. im rly sorry man, she really didn’t tell me.’ I brushed my hands through my hair and felt the sweat sticking to it. I had walked back in the spring heat, it was too much.

‘Damn, I didn’t think she would pull something like that and not even tell YOU. that’s cold.’

‘tell me about it. we were just fine earlier today, dont know whats goin on with her.’ I hesitated before typing the next part. ‘also, i know we arent the closest and ik im also ryu’s friend, but im here for you bro. this is a messed up situation’

‘Thanks, that means a lot... most of my friends are making fun of me for getting cheated on... with a JUNIOR. disgusting.’

I snorted. ‘technically, if ryujin didn’t skip a grade, she’d be a junior too.’

‘y/n, pls don’t ruin this moment’

‘fine, fine, disgusting, she cheated on u with a junior. plus ur friends are felix and jisung who are also complete insensitive dickheads sometimes’

‘Thank you.’

I laughed. Hyunjin was always an interesting guy to hang out with. Sure we never texted or talked much, but he was always a joy to have around. He was quiet in school, but he was animated around his friends. And of course, an awesome boyfriend to Ryujin.

Seeing them together made me more aware of my singleness. He would open doors for her, give her his jacket when she was cold, pay for her meals, he even knew how to braid hair, like what the fuck? He was perfect.

And then she cheated on him.

And didn’t even tell me.

I rubbed my forehead. I was always a fixer. I fixed other people’s problems, which made me quite involved in their issues even if I shouldn’t be.

‘but seriously though, im rly sorry this happened to you...’

‘yeah ... a year down the drain. and plus, i got accepted to Seoul University with her today.’ My heart sank, even when I knew it shouldn’t.

Hyunjin was a smart guy, maybe a little too studious for his own good. He had lots of fun in high school, but made sure to go home early to events and not drink if he had a test the next day. He spent hours at the library at times and read in his free time, like me. Ryujin always hated it and thought we were too similar at times. Which is untrue because Hyunjin was way cooler than me.

‘If it makes you feel any better, I didn’t get accepted’

‘That actually did not make me feel better and made me even sadder because what the fuck?? you’re an amazing student!’

That made me smile of course, the valedictorian was complimenting my intellect.

‘aha thanks, i’ll probably end up going to incheon uni which isn’t too far from here so i’ll be ok’

‘That’s good, maybe i should consider going since half the senior class is going to seoul lol’

I scoffed. “hyunjin, don’t give up your dream uni just because ryujin will be there. you probably wont see her as often as u think’

‘If I decided not to go there, it won’t be because of Ryujin. But seriously, I rarely try anything new and i feel like i’m confined to a small group of people. At least at Incheon, I’ll know less people.”

I sighed loudly. Oh Hyunjin, it must suck to get a mental breakdown right before going to college. It happens to the best of us though.

‘well ok, where ever you go, i’ll know you’ll thrive!!’

‘:) thanks y/n. also, ik we dont talk much, but i really do appreciate you.’

Well, that warmed my heart... and my cheeks.

The fact that I was texting my friend’s ex boyfriend snapped me back into reality. And the fact that she cheated on him.

I gulped.

‘aw thanks hyunjin, i appreciate you too. Now get some sleep! it’s almost 2am’

I didn’t get a response back, and I hoped he fell asleep. I changed into my pajamas and did my nightly routine and fell asleep to thoughts of my friend’s ex-boyfriend.

------

I woke up to several buzzes that tickled my side. I grunted and threw the blanket off of me. I found my phone that was flung somewhere and picked it up. I turned off the notifications to stop the constant moving.

“It’s too freaking early for this.” I moaned.

I rubbed my eyes and peered down at the message.

‘hey im sorrrryyy for lashing out yesterday. i just feel guilty about the whole thing and i was afraid to tell you... also i think im in love with jeongin’ -ryujin

My eyes naturally widened at this confession.

Love? Ryujin dated Hyunjin for a whole year! How could she fall in love with Jeongin so easily??

‘excuse me?? what the fuck did you just say cuz i think u just said u LOVE jeongin??’

‘stfu. just hear me out, he’s a great guy and he’s just... normal’ -ryujin

Ok, time to call this bitch.

“Define normal?” I heard her sigh and adjust in her bed. She’s always been an early riser.

“Just, when I was dating Hyunjin, it felt like it had to be this perfect relationship. We were all friends before and it just seemed right that we dated. He was super nice and perfect and not to mention, hot, but it just felt superficial. I don’t know.”

Well this was new. Ryujin never told me much about the problems in their relationship and I thought everything was going well. Well, until now.

“I mean, I get that, you shouldn’t have to date anyone you don’t like. But, you should’ve broken up with him before!”

“You think I don’t know that? I made a mistake, ok? Can you just get off my back about it?”

There’s that temper again.

“Are you serious? You’re the one who texted ME in the morning.”

“I’m just, whatever.” She paused in between her words. “You just wouldn’t understand ‘cause you’ve never been in a relationship! I just can’t describe it, ok?” And on that note, I just hung up the phone. I was in no mood to play these games with her emotional roller coasters.

I bit my lip, knowing she would probably call me more times for hanging up on her, but I wasn’t in the mood. I was caught in between two of my friends, and I knew who was in the right and who was treating me better.

I saw my phone light up a few more times, which made me curious as to what she was sending me.

‘Hey, do you wanna have breakfast with me this morning?’ -hyunjin

I raised a brow. This was not the message I was expecting.

‘only if you’re paying’

‘deal’

-----

Soft r&b played from the speakers as I sipped from my small cup of apple juice, yes, I still drink apple juice.

“So, how are you feeling?” I finally asked the boy.

He was wearing a black tshirt and jeans and his hair was messier than usual. I could tell he wasn’t getting lots of sleep.

“As good as I can be.” He shuffled around in his chair like he had more to say. “Just, it’s still crazy to me. Getting cheated on... it’s a whole new feeling.”

I nodded, but I couldn’t relate to it.

“Yeah...” I trailed off, not really knowing what to say or how to cheer him up.

We locked eyes suddenly and I grew shy. Hyunjin was always hot in my eyes, even though I pretended he wasn’t, for my friend’s sake. And for mine.

“What did she say when you talked to her?”

I laughed. “She totally flipped on me and told me to leave. I have no idea what’s going on with her right now. She’s lashing out for no reason.” I confessed.

“Yeah, she’s acting more temperamental lately. She always had a temper but this time... this time it’s out of control.”

I nodded, understanding what he was talking about. Ryujin was a feisty girl with lots of emotions. I respect her for being in tune with her emotions, but sometimes her actions go too far. Most guys thought it was hot though.

“Anyways, I don’t want to talk about her anymore. What about you? Any relationship problems?”

I forced a small smile. “Nope, all the guys that were ‘into me’ were trying to use me to get to her.”

Hyunjin took a bite out of his sandwich and shook his head. “Stone cold Slytherin.” I laughed at that one.

“Stone cold Slytherin indeed.”

“You know, Ryu has never watched any of the Harry Potter movies?? Which is crazy because I swear the first time we talked to each other it was about what Hogwarts house we would be in.”

I nodded slowly. “Yes, yes I do know that my best friend has never watched the movies. And it pains me everyday.” He rolled his eyes at my teasing tone. “Also, I think that’s because you guys met in Mrs. Park’s English class which I also happened to be in. Remember, we all were friends first?”

I thought back to those days, those simpler times. Hyunjin and Ryujin only dated for a year, but they’d known each other since our first year of high school. We were all somewhat of friends, more like acquaintances. But one day, their friendship just went to the next level.

Hyunjin nodded his head slowly. “Yeah, you’re right. Ryujin isn’t as nerdy as you.” I scoffed, knowing that was not true. I was the dumbest in the friend group.

“Alright, whatever you say.” I was out of witty banter.

We called for the check and walked slowly to his car. For a moment, we just seemed like two friends. Two kids from school who were eating breakfast together.

But we weren’t really. I was his ex-girlfriend’s best friend. And he was the guy my best friend cheated on.

And we were both losing a person who was ignoring us.

“This is me. See you sometime?” His expression was hard to read and I didn’t know if he was saying this just to be kind or if he actually meant it. Either way, I didn’t care.

“Sure. See you.” I waved at him awkwardly and he gave me a small wave back.

-------

A few weeks went by and soon, Ryujin and I were back to normal. I still texted Hyunjin quite often, but Ryujin didn’t know that. It’s not like I was lying to her, but I didn’t feel like she needed to know. It’s not like we were going behind her back and doing anything. He just needed a friend, and so did I.

The whole world was on lockdown and school got shut down early. Everyone was locked in their homes and told to keep a distance from each other in public. My electricity bill was off the charts and I was living off of Netflix for entertainment. Sometimes Ryujin came over, but she was the only one I really saw. She was an only child, so I pitied her.

“Ok, this one or this one?” She held up two outfits that were completely different. One was a dark green shirt that tied in the front and sparkly paired with black jeans that flared slightly at the bottom. The other was a pink blouse with flowers paired with a blue denim skirt.

I looked up from my phone and sat up on the ground.

“That dark green one, it compliments your skin tone and the jeans are cute.” She nodded and tossed the other on her bed.

“Great, Jeongin will love this.”

“Are you sure he understands fashion? He’s like 12.” I felt a pillow hit me face in an instant, but the comment was worth it. The age jokes never got old.

“Shut up! He’s the same age as me, only a grade younger. You know because I skipped a grade.” She bragged. I rolled my eyes and went back to playing on my phone.

“Okay~ Whatever you say. I’m just saying, your boobies hanging out might confuse him-”

She gave me a glare to shut me up from finishing. I shrugged and looked down at my phone.

“Should you even be hanging out with him? We aren’t supposed to hang out with people during this time.”

Ryujin snorted. “It’s my boyfriend, am I supposed to ignore him? I’d rather die.” I rolled my eyes are her insensitive statement. “Plus, aren’t we hanging out right now? You’re not my family.” Ouch, I’d always considered Ryujin family, but I guess she didn’t feel the same.

“That’s different. We’re best friends and I consider you my sister, since you don’t have one.” I spat. She narrowed her eyes at me and I saw the wheels turning in her head to clap back.

“Whatever, these rules are impossible."

I stayed quiet for a little bit, but I had so much to say.

“What? If you have something to say, spit it out.” Wow, was her aggressive tone always this annoying?

I threw up my hands in aggravation. “Fine, I just think you’re moving on too fast from Hyunjin. You just broke up with him-”

“I cheated on him.”

“Ok, you cheated on him. Shouldn’t you wait a little longer to get into a relationship? It’s ... It’s sort of cruel.”

She narrowed her eyes at me but her eyes softened.

“Look, what happened happened already. He knows I have feelings for someone else. I have to live for myself, ok? I’ll see you later.”

She left the room and I knew that was my queue to leave her house.

I picked up my phone and checked my messages before I left. I only had one, how popular of me.

‘what are you doing right now?’ -hyunjin

I furrowed my brows. His timing was impeccable.

‘um... nothing now. why?’

‘can you meet up rn?’

My eyebrows rose in surprise. Mr. Rule Follower wants to break the rules of quarantine? Interesting.

‘... we aren’t supposed to hang out unnecessarily right now.’ I reminded him, just in case he forgot.

I stood from Ryujin’s floor and started to look for my car keys. The perks of being the youngest sibling is that I was given my older brother’s car when he went off to college. Sadly, he’s back, but we share the car.

‘my mom is sick. shes getting tested today’

I froze.

You never expect those words to come out of your friend’s mouth.

‘where r u?’

------

I got in my car and booked it. It’s like I was moving faster than I could think.

Hyunjin’s parents were divorced and he lived with his father, so I knew he was safe to be around. But still, he saw his mom during the summers and occasionally throughout the year. They were close.

I drove up to his house and saw him sitting there with his head buried in his arms.

“Shit.”

I parked on the side of the road and ran out as soon as I could. He jolted up when he heard the slam of my car.

“y/n-”

I grabbed him and immediately pulled him into a hug. I wasn’t sure why I did it, but it felt right.

“It’s ok, it’s going to be ok.” I said before I could think. I wasn’t sure she was going to be ok, or if he was going to be ok, but he didn’t need to know that.

I felt him shake as tears he sobbed into my shoulder.

“She’s so old, y/n. I’m so scared. I hope she doesn’t have it. I fucking hope so bad.” I squeezed him tighter. Tears fell slowly from my eyes as I felt his pain.

“I’m sorry. We’ll be ok. It’ll be ok.” I rubbed his back soothingly and sat on the steps with him when he calmed down.

“I’m sorry for being such an emotional mess right now, I hope you weren’t anywhere important when I texted you. Honestly, I called Ryujin first but she didn’t pick up.” He mumbled the last part.

I frowned, but realized why she didn’t pick up.

“You look guilty, why?”

I thought about lying to him, but what was the use?

“I was actually at her house when you texted me... she was getting ready to go on a date with Jeongin.” I admit.

I saw his face contort and he let out a few strangled cries. I pulled him closer to me and felt his head on my shoulder.

“I’m sorry, I told her not to go.”

“Why? We broke up already. She made her choice.”

He took a small glance at him. His face was red and puffy; his sleep schedule was also not getting better. I knew that because we always texted at 1am.

“I know my opinion doesn’t matter, but I think she made the wrong one.”

He turned to face me and we locked eyes.

Usually with other guys, I’m skittish and sometimes awkward. I wanted to get away from them as soon as I could. But with Hyunjin, I felt at peace. I felt comfortable with him, safe even.

The boy gave me a small smile and patted me on the back. He rested his head on my shoulder again.

“Your opinion always matters, and thank you. For everything.”

“It’s not a problem.” I pet his head like I’ve seen in movies. I don’t think I’ve ever comforted a guy besides my brother. And my brother did not like to get his hair pet.

I guess Hyunjin didn’t either when he shot up. I gave him a startled look.

“What-”

“It is a problem. Why do you run to everyone who needs help, y/n?”

I froze in my spot, not knowing what to say.

“Um, I don’t know. I guess I’m just good at helping people. I like comforting people. I like making people happy.” I tried to cheer him up. I did not want him to feel like he was a burden.

Hyunjin moved out of my grasp and faced me.

“Doesn’t it get tiring though? I’ve never seen you get sad about something. And you got rejected from your dream college that we’ve been talking about for years. Still, nothing.”

I laughed and looked away. This conversation was getting too focused on me and I wanted to shift the topic immediately.

“Um, well of course I get sad. It’s just I deal with my emotions better when I’m alone. I don’t mind people seeing me sad I just want alone time when I’m upset.” That was a good answer.

He wasn’t buying it though.

A calming silence washed over us for a short moment. He kicked a small rock to the side and it trickled down the steps.

“Why do I feel like that’s a cop out answer?”

I was about to give him a snarky response, but I saw the pain in his eyes. He wanted to be distracted from his pain and wanted to focus on me.

“Do you ever feel like you’re just a side character of someone else’s story?” I blurt out. Immediately, I felt like I shared too much about myself, but I couldn’t take it back.

His silence made me anxious. So anxious.

I started to shake my leg, a nervous habit I had. Suddenly, he placed a gentle hand on my leg to stop it from shaking.

“Bad habit. Also, I guess I haven’t before. Because we are actually the protagonists of our own story. Even you.” He peered deeply into my eyes to get his point across. I gave him a weak smile because I knew he wanted to cheer me up. But I didn’t need cheering up, I accepted that I wasn’t protagonist material. I accepted it a long time ago.

But he didn’t need to know that.

“You’re right. I’m being silly.”

“Oh c’mon, y/n. You’re not being silly. You’re an amazing person. Total main character material!” I raised my brow but said nothing. He knocked gently on my head. “What’s going on in that head of yours?”

So many things were going through my head. Including the fact that if I were main character material, I wouldn’t be sitting here with him right now. I’d be on some date with a cute guy. And then the whole situation would blow up in my face. And I would learn from it. And everyone would forgive me except maybe one or two people, but I would be ok with that because I learned from my mistakes and am a better person.

But that’s not me. I don’t make mistakes. I pick up the pieces of those who make mistakes. I fix them. I heal them. I’m the one who makes the main character realize they’re a shitty person.

“Too many things, Hyunjin. Too many things.” I whispered.

We said nothing for a while until he wrapped his arms around me.

“I hope your mom is ok.” I quietly said as I rested my head on his shoulder.

“Yeah, I hope so too. And I hope you realize your worth one day.”

------

‘she’s not sick!! the tests came back negative!! WOOO! party at my house... ok virutal party lol’ -hyunjin

I cheered alone in my room. The test results came back pretty quickly yet it seemed like forever ago when Hyunjin cried in my arms. And we ended up spending the whole day together after I vented my feelings to him. But that’s besides the point.

‘that’s awesome bro!!!! im so happy !!!!!!’

‘:) Thanks for being the best friend i have right now lol’ -hyunjin

I paused at the words ‘best friend’. I knew he didn’t mean best friend, but it still made me smile.

Honestly, it was pretty cool being friends with Hyunjin and I wished that we were closer friends sooner. I guess I didn’t want to get too close in case him and Ryujin broke up. I didn’t know I’d be comforting him and not her.

‘ofc. u deserve happiness hyunjin’

He didn’t respond for a couple of minutes which concerned me. He would usually tell me if he was busy, but he just left suddenly.

I tried not to think much about it so I set my phone on my table. I kept peering down at my phone every few minutes, but still nothing.

I pulled out a good book and started to read a few pages.

“y/n! I think your friend is here.”

I furrowed my brows and closed my book with a pink bookmark keeping my page.

“Friend? Didn’t know Ryujin was coming over.” I whispered. “Ok dad, I’ll be there!” I threw off blanket and opened the door. I shuffled to the front door and opened it. I ignored my dad’s weird looks as he made his way back to his room.

Once I opened the door, I saw not Ryujin, but Hyunjin.

His face was bright and I couldn’t help but smile back. His happiness was contagious, which is why he was so well-liked.

He finally fixed his hair that was getting long due to the quarantine, but it suit him. He wore gray shorts with a sweater on top.

I was suddenly aware of the gray shorts I had on.

“Hey, we’re matching.” I said lamely. He laughed with his eye smile which was his best look. “What are you doing here?”

“Wow, I’m hurt, no hello Hyunjin, I hear you come bearing good news.”

I laughed. “You texted me said good news.”

“I know, but I was wondering if you wanted to hang out right now...?” I crossed my arms and leaned against the door.

“Hyunjin, we aren’t supposed-”

“I know, I know, but I’m bored! I’m an only child too you know and I only live with my dad who hasn’t gone anywhere. And neither have I unless to see you. I know you follow the rules, so you’ve probably only seen Ryujin besides your immediate family.”

I hesitated, wondering if it was the right thing to do. My heart was saying yes, but my brain wasn’t sure.

“Just go, honey. Just be safe.” My dad’s voice boomed. I looked back and saw him giving a thumbs up.

“Really dad?” He nodded.

“Yes, but sure not to come in contact with any other people.”

I held my pinky up, and I noticed Hyunjin was holding his up too.

“Promise.”

------

The roads were so empty.

“You make me! Feel like I’m living a, TEENAGE DREAM!”

Hyunjin and I bumped to Katy Perry bops as we drove through a deserted city.

“Don’t ever look back! Don’t ever look back~”

“My heart stops!! When you look at me!” I sang.

“Just one touch, now baby I believe~” He playfully poked me.

“This! Is! Real! So take a chance and don’t ever look back~” I finished.

He turned down the volume as we reached our destination.

An empty parking lot.

“Aw, how romantic.” I joked.

“Sorry, not much places were open.” He gave me a small smile as he parked the car and rolled down the windows. We didn’t get out in case other people were around.

I unbuckled my seat belt and turned to him. He was already staring at me.

“I’m really, really happy about your mom,” I said finally. He smiled, I had never seen him this happy for almost a month now, ever since Ryujin cheated on him.

“Thank you. Also, thank you for being there when I needed you.”

I thought back to a few days ago when he was sobbing in my arms. I felt my heart shatter for him. I loved his mom too, she was always around when we were at school and was just a ball of light.

“It’s no problem.”

"Right, because you’re ‘a side character’.” He used quotation marks with his fingers to get the point across.

I rolled my eyes and pushed him. “Stop! It’s true though.”

He looked at me again, his eyes saying “explain”.

“Stop giving me that look. It’s completely obvious.”

“Tell me again, how is this obvious? Because, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but all of your thoughts are yours. You see things from YOUR eyes, your point of view, and whatever. Your life is your life; no one else is the main character y/n.”

I hated when he said my name so much. It reminded me too much of myself. I always made sure to use people’s names in sentences to show that I knew their name and to make them feel special. I knew what he was trying to do. I hated that it was working.

“Look, if I was the main character of my own story, then why would my only purpose right now to be helping yours and Ryujin’s?”

He flinched at my words.

“What?”

I sighed, feeling uncomfortable again when the topic was focused on me.

“You know what I mean. For months now, it feels like all I do is to help Ryujin’s character development. And maybe even yours. She’s the one who makes shitty decisions, I’m the one who fixes them for her. She says stupid things, and I’m the one who makes her apologize. She even gets accepted into Seoul University, leaving me behind. I just feel like everyone is accelerating and changing while I’m static! I’m the same as I was in freshman year, sophomore, junior and now senior. I’m the same person!”

Hyunjin stayed silent while I ranted. My chest rose and fell from my heavy breathing and my cheeks were dusted with pink.

“Also, if I wasn’t a side character, would I be here, hanging out with you, to help you get over my best friend cheating on you?”

He had no response for my words. And I knew he wouldn’t because he knew I was right. I was the push to get them back together. I was probably going to get a text or a call sometime by Ryujin while she begs for them to get back together. Or to ask me to fix this whole situation.

I was right.

“You really think I ask you to hang out so much because I want your help to get over Ryujin?”

His accusing tone shocked me, and it made me nervous.

I tried not to focus on the police cars passing by and calmed my nerves.

“Um... yeah, why...”

He wasn’t looking at me initially, like he was focusing on something outside of the car.

“Y/N, I ask you to hang out so much because I like hanging out with you.” He confessed.

At my lack of words, he kept going and ran his fingers through his hair.

“Just... this is hard to say... but I-I feel like I made a mistake dating Ryujin.” He blurted. This definitely got my attention.

“What??”

“Please let me finish.” The desperation in his eyes lulled me to listen.

“We were a good couple at first, but the chemistry wasn’t there. We never clicked. We didn’t talk about the same things and we could never have a deep conversation. Everything we talked about was so surface level or about her problems. She was fun to be with and a great girl while it lasted, but it wasn’t like when we hung out, even when I was still dating Ryu, we got along better.

We could talk about conspiracy theories and weird things in history like it was normal! You were always the first one I talked to when I read a new book or if I learned a cool fact. I could never do that with her and I hate that I just realized it after we broke up. And when I started to hang out with you.

It was always you all long, y/n. It was always you.”

What on earth was going on right now? This isn’t supposed to happen. I was supposed to fix this relationship-

“Ok, I see you’re kind of freaking out. And it’s freaking me out, please say something.”

My leg wasn’t even shaking, that’s how numb I was at this conversation.

“I-” my voice trailed off, like I couldn’t get the words out.

“I have a lot to think about. I’m sorry, I can’t... I-” Tears filled my eyes. I didn’t know what was going on. This stuff never happened to me. Am I supposed to give an answer right away? That’s impossible! I need to talk to Ryujin first and maybe my brother and then just ignore the whole situation.

“It’s fine, take as long as you need.”

The drive back was silent, contrary to what it was before. I regret not taking my own car. I regret even hanging out with him in the first place.

As soon as we got to my house, I got out.

“Thanks for the ride.” I mumbled, because I still had manners.

“Hey y/n.”

I paused and turned around, mortified of what he was to say next.

“I meant everything I said when I said it has always been you. I think.. I think if you think about our memories together, you’ll see that.

I just.. I just needed you to know that.”

I nodded slowly, unsure of what to say.

Then he was gone.

-------

My first reaction was to eat my pain away, but I couldn’t even finish my banana.

Ryujin would never forgive me for dating her ex boyfriend right? That’s girl code 101. Even if she did cheat on him. Or does that cancel out if she cheated?

I downed a cup of water in anger.

“Woah, slow down there, you don’t want to drown yourself.” I slammed the cup down and glared at my older brother.

“Chan, please. I’m not in the mood right now.” I tried stomping away from him, but he kept talking. Like always.

“Uh oh, is it because of your boy? I can beat him up if you want.” I felt my cheeks turn red.

“No! Don’t beat him up. And he’s not my boy. He’s Ryujin’s.” I muttered.

“Wooo what? That’s a plot twist! Dad said he was completely smitten with you though. And Dad’s usually never wrong about boys and their feelings. He’s a therapist you know-”

“I know who my father is, thank you very much! And, ugh, God, I can’t even.” I couldn’t even make it to my room before I collapsed on the floor.

In the blink of an eye, Chan was sitting next to me. “Woah there, okay, this is some teenage angst I don’t know how to deal with anymore.”

Anger rushed through my body at his words. And I’m not sure why.

“Shut up! I don’t have teen angst! I don’t have any problems, ok? Just Ryujin cheated on this guy. And now I don’t know what to do!”

Chan was silent for a moment, unusual for a person like him.

“What? What do you mean what do you do?”

“I mean, how do I fix it?”

Chan laughed. “Fix what?”

“Fix their problems, are you not understanding what is going on here?”

Chan stood up, then picked me up. I would usually struggle but he plopped my on the couch, so I was ok with him... for now.

“Y/n, it isn’t your job to fix other people’s problems. How about you focus on your own right now?”

I peered down at my hands, embarrass to tell him what was going on in my life. I felt like such a trader. I helped my friend her whole life and suddenly, I was catching feels for her ex-boyfriend.

I opened my mouth to speak, but I got cut off my a buzz in my pocket. Then I got like 10 more. I pulled my phone out and saw the texts from Ryujin.

‘i think i made a mistake’

‘i dont like jeongin that much anymore’

‘hes not a gentleman like hyunjin!! he doesnt even pull out my chair when i sit or open doors for me. plus jeongin is lowkey childish and he is always pulling pranks on me!’

‘tell me what 2 do?? how do i fix this?!!??!!?’

‘also my parents are fighting again and it’s sooooo irritating !!!!’

‘sos 911 aaahhhh’

“Who is it? What do they say?” Chan asked curiously. I shoved him away from reading my phone.

“They’re from Ryujin. She’s already regretting dating Jeongin. The guy she cheated with Hyunjin on.” I wasn’t sure the sentence made sense, but Chan would understand.

Chan’s eyes widened. “Damn, dick move.” I gritted my teeth.

“And now, she misses Hyunjin. She says Jeongin doesn’t compare to Hyunjin who is nice and a gentleman. And her parents are fighting again. I got to go help.” I stood up to grab my keys, but Chan stopped me.

“Tell me why you were upset earlier.”

His stern voice shook me.

“Y/n, tell me.”

Suddenly, my tears were unable to hide and fell freely onto my cheeks. Chan’s face didn’t soften, but he let go of my arm.

“Tell-”

“Fine! Hyunjin told me he liked me. And that he regretted ever dating Ryujin.”

I fell down on the couch while Chan held me close. He pet my head, like I did to Hyunjin earlier. I guess that was a good comforting tactic.

“And now, Ryujin wants him back. What am I supposed to do?” I whispered.

“Do you like him back?”

I paused.

Did I like him back? I wasn’t sure...

Chan patted my back and stood. “I’m gonna make us some lunch, sit here and think about it. And don’t you dare think about responding to those texts.”

Hwang Hyunjin.

We’ve been in school together since we were kids. We saw each other grow up. We were never close, but we wouldn’t be awkward if we were paired together in a project.

He was always nice to me. He would remember my name contrary to all the boys in our grade. I faded into the background, especially when I became friends with Ryujin in the sixth grade.

We were in acapella together and we were always in the same friend groups, especially when Ryujin and Hyunjin got closer.

Everyone would yell and shout at us if we started talking about a book we just read or conspiracy theory we saw online. Or when we were both contemplating being vegan when we saw a deer get hit by a truck.

He was the one who encouraged me to wear makeup even if Ryujin told me I was shit at it. He was the one who told me I could join acapella even if I was too shy to be on stage, because he was too. He was the one who dressed up as Harry Potter characters with me when no one else wanted to. He was the one I went to when I wanted to talk about the things I loved most.

He was the one... He was the one all along.

“Oh my god. It’s always been Hyunjin. Oh my god.”

Chan set down a crappy sandwich in front of me, but I was on a mission.

“You figure it out?”

“Yes, yes I did! But what do I tell Ryujin?”

Chan scoffed. “What do you tell Ryujin? She’s the one who cheated on him. And she’s always been a crappy friend to you.” I frowned. Ryujin wasn’t the best friend, but she was my best friend...

“If she’s truly your best friend, she’ll forgive you for this. So go, go get your manz.” I cringed at his language. He was not as young as he thought.

Then, I realized something.

I looked at Chan who was just sitting on the couch, cheering me on.

“Oh my god, you’re a side character in my story.”

The made him pause before he took a bit. “Uh, ok? Aren’t we all each other’s side characters? The protag will always be ourselves, dork. Now go!”

I ran out the door and checked my phone. Those can be dealt with later. Or right now. I’m not sure. Maybe at the same time.

I jumped in my car and called Ryujin and put her on speaker.

“Hello? Y/n?? Where have you been, I texted you like 20 minutes ago! I said SOS!”

“Am I your best friend?”

“W-what? Where is this coming from? Yes, of course you are-”

“Then you’ll forgive me for anything right?”

She paused.

“Maybe. I’m not sure, you’ve never really done anything wrong.”

I gulped. You can’t back down now.

“Is everything ok, y/n?”

“I have something to tell you. And you’re going to hate me for it.”

“What?”

There was silence.

“What, y/n, seriously-”

“I have feelings for Hyunjin!” I shouted.

Dead silence. I could hear the few cars driving in my neighborhood and kids laughing outside. The silence was terrifying.

“You what?”

“I have feelings for Hyunjin. Your ex-boyfriend.”

I heard shuffling on the other side.

“Y-you can’t. He’s my ex-boyfriend. That’s breaking girl code, and I am not over him. What the hell, y/n?”

I felt tears fall from my eyes. This is not how I wanted this to go. But this is what I expected.

“I’m sorry. But my whole life, I have been living for you. Ever since I met you. And this time, I have to do things for myself. I’m sorry but I- I want to be selfish and I want to make mistakes that you’re gonna have to decide if you forgive me for.

I want to be the main character of my story right now.”

“Y/n, wait-”

I hung up the phone. I couldn’t let her get in the way of me living for me. Even if it was selfish and bitchy. I need to make mistakes to grow. And I haven’t made many ground breaking mistakes in the past, but this one feels pretty good.

I parked outside of Hyunjin’s house and ran up the steps.

Before I could knock on my door, it opened revealing a disheveled Hyunjin.

“You came.”

I was shocked at his sudden appearance, but nodded.

“I did, um, how did you get to the door so quickly?”

“I was waiting.” A cute blush danced across his face.

How have I not seen him before? For how I truly feel about him?

For a minute, we didn’t know what to say.

“I-”

We laughed.

“You first,” he said.

I cleared my throat.

“Hyunjin, um, I’m not very good at speeches to declare my feelings. Most likely because I’ve suppressed them over the years and haven’t shown them to anybody.

I’m dumb and stupid and now I’m selfish because I don’t care what anyone thinks right now because I realized that I am falling in love with you.”

His eyes grew to the size of his hand at my words.

“What?”

I laughed nervously.

“Um, I was .. I was talking to my brother. And I just realized that every moment in my life that I was insecure or unsure of something, you helped me through it. And when I just wanted to talk about something nerdy like a book or a poem that made me cry, I wanted to talk to you.

It really has been you all along.” I whispered the last sentence, but I knew he heard it.

He took my hands and wrapped them around his waist.

“I’m falling in love with you too. I think I always have been a little, which sounds fucking up since I dated Ryujin. But I think we both knew we weren’t right for each other.”

I nodded, feeling safe in his embrace.

Then, I felt him hold my face and bent down to kiss me. His lips were soft and it felt like he was hesitant. Before I lost the courage, I pulled him closer. I could feel his smile across my lips.

He made my heart flutter like I was reading a cute romance novel.

Except I was in the romance novel now.

And I was the protagonist.

163 notes · View notes