#i can guarantee this will be the first fic i ever finish solely because of them sending me both encouragement and jokingly harassing me LOL | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

midnightswithdearkatytspb · 3 years

Note

Mob bucky/seb or mob chris/andy recs??

Updated 07/04/21 ✨ = Just Added

To be added please tag me in your future works!

Hey Anon! I’m so glad you asked this because Mob/Mafia! Any version of those boys is my favorite. In my previous fic recs I recommended...

If love was an option by @mianorth » Bucky Barnes x Reader — Part 1 🦋 Part 2 🦋 Part 3

Good Little Wife & Good Little Girl by @donutloverxo » Mob!Andy Barber x Reader – A little dark and it has some really good smut in it.

Blackmail by @stargazingfangirl18 » Soft!DarkMafia Andy Barber x Female Reader — You were just doing it to protect your family, at least that’s what you kept telling yourself, especially once you started to like it. (One-Shot)

Blow Sweet and Thick by @angrythingstarlight » Mafia!Bucky x Reader — Bucky is having a bad day, you can help him feel good. (Part of Mafia Monday’s)

Run To You by @bestofbucky » Mob!Boss Bucky x Reader — Mob boss Bucky Barnes hires you to be his bodyguard. (Series)

Can’t Run, Can’t Hide by @angrythingstarlight » Dark!MafiaBucky Barnes x Reader — When you get noticed by the infamous mob boss, you flee. But Bucky doesn’t like to be denied anything and he’s coming for you. (One-shot)

Six Feet | Ch.1 ⚰️ Ch.2 by @queenoftheworldisdead » Dark Mob!Steve x Reader + Dark Mob!Bucky x Reader — Your family’s small funeral home comes into financial trouble. In desperation your father finds the most unlikely solution to solve his financial problems. | (Short Series)

Bankrupt by @mypoisonedvine » dark!40’s!Mob!Stucky x Reader — Your husband’s gambling addiction quickly got him in hot water with the mob, and you by extension. When some debt collectors come by to settle what is owed, you realize that you have a lot more to worry about than money problems.

Partition by @angrythingstarlight » Mob!Bucky Barnes x Reader — Bucky comforts you after a bad day, and your boss learns why no one messes with his girl. —> Part 2: Let Me Show You — You wanted to know what your mobster boyfriend did, lucky for you he’s more into the show then tell.

Say the word and it’s yours by @angrythingstarlight » Mafia!Bucky Barnes x Reader — Your mobster boyfriend rescues you from a long, boring day at work. Bucky always said, “ask and its yours”

Lost Without You by @angrythingstarlight » Mafia!Bucky Barnes x Reader — Bucky Barnes would be lost with you. You’re his everything and he plans on spending Valentine’s Day proving it to you.

All Dressed In White by @angrythingstarlight » Dark!Mafia Bucky Barnes x Reader — You were going to marry someone else, Bucky won’t let that happen. You belong to him now and forever. Till Death Do You Part.

Thick As Thieves by @angrythingstarlight » Mafia!Bucky Barnes x Reader x Mafia!Steve Rogers — The only thing the Mafia hates as much as snitches are thieves. And you’re planning on stealing from Bucky and Steve, what happens if you get caught?

Won’t Let You Go by @kind-of-crazy-butthatsokay » Mob!Bucky Barnes x OFC!Kori — Kori met Bucky in one of his clubs, out to get shit-faced with a couple of friends to forget about her worries and maybe take home a guy to further rid herself of her numerous frustrations. Little did she know that the one-night stand with Bucky would turn into so much more than that.

Tell Me What You Want by @angrythingstarlight » Mafia!Steve Rogers x Reader; Mafia!Bucky Barnes x Reader — Your mob boyfriend, is none other than Steve Rogers and he is willing to get you whatever you wanted, all you have to do is ask. And be careful what you ask for because he’s going to give it to you over and over again.

To Have & To Hold by @slyyywriting » Bucky Barnes x Mob Boss!Reader — Bucky is trying his best to provide and care for his daughter who just entered first grade. Everything was alright until she asks why everyone else seems to have a mom except for her. You’re just a plain mob boss who wants to turn a new leaf. Challenges arise when the world refuses to let you take a softer, non-violent route. A little girl helps you navigate a compromise.(series)

✨ Mob!Sugar Daddy!Stucky Moodboard by @brattycherubwrites » Mob!Stucky x Reader

✨ Laced Around Your Throat by @angrythingstarlight » Mafia!Steve x Reader, Mafia!Bucky x Reader — Your Mob boyfriend knows that the only thing that looks even better than his hand around your throat is his custom made necklace. You’re his girl and the world needs to know it.

✨ Hidden Gems by @jtargaryen18 » Mob!Steve Rogers x Mob!Daughter Reader — Your father is the head of one of the most powerful crime families in Boston but he’s protected you from that life. In your quiet home outside the city, you’ve been cared for and protected. When the desires of a more powerful man with the will to dominate bursts into your life, all your illusions are shattered as he comes to claim what is his.

Necessary Arrangements by @stargazingfangirl18 » Andy Barber x Fem!Reader, Ari Levinson x (Different) Fem! Reader ft. Ransom Drysdale » One of my favorite series, chapters are decent sized and the smut is so good!

Hugs My Love by @thatfuckingweirdo » Mobster!Bucky Barnes x Reader — You just really need a hug, and Bucky is the only one you want it from.

my old man is a tough man, but he got a soul as sweet as blood red jam by @cloudystevie » Mob Boss!Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader — steve gives you what you want… kind of.

Brooklyn Wars by @world-of-aus » Stucky x Reader

Petals and Bullets by @revengingbarnes » Mob!Bucky Barnes x Reader (One of my all time favorites series)

I would check out @sinner-as-saint’s Masterlist they have quite a few Mob!Bucky series and one-shots that I have loved in the past.

Special by @buckycuddlebuddy » Bucky Barnes x Reader — this one-shot is really hot.

Love, Honor, and Obey by @constantwriter85 » Bucky Barnes — This one is good and I need to catch up on.

Mafioso by @captain-barnes-writes » Bucky Barnes x Reader — Please do yourself a favor and read.

Lipstick and Crayons by @oneoftheprettynerds » Dark!Steve Rogers x Reader - In Progress

A really good DarkMob!Steve Drabble called Please Hurt Me by @gotnofucks *chefs kiss*

The Mobster’s Little Girl by @smutsonian » Steve Rogers x Reader

off to the races 🐻 off to the races 2 by @harryspet » Soft!Dark Steve Rogers x Reader

The Ignorant Beauty & the Beast by @mysterioh » Steve Rogers x Reader – With 21 parts sadly it hasn’t been updated in 8 months, it’s one of my favorite Mob!Steve Roger fics out there. *Thanks to @inactivewhore I found out this story was moved to AO3 and is now called where angels fear to tread it was last updated on 13/11/20*

What It Takes by @cherienymphe » Bucky Barnes x Reader — You left Bucky once you found out who he really is. The one thing you thought would guarantee your safety ends up sealing your fate.

Welcome Home by @punani » Chris Evans x Black!Reader — He’s been away for awhile, but he knows that his girl’s loyalty to him knows no bounds. Knows she’s been waiting for him after her adamancy in telling him there was no other option. It’s only right to make the reunion a memorable one. | So, so, so, so freaking good!

These are what I found on Tumblr that I plan on reading.

Handmaid by @extremelyblackandwhite » Sebastian Stan x ingenue!Reader — y/n works as a handmaid for the daughter of an influential mob leader who is promised to the new boss of the most powerful mob family in new york, sebastian.

AO3 Website Reccomendations

Satellite Heart » Stucky x Reader — You used to be Steve and Bucky's girl. Then they fucking left without saying goodbye. Little did they know, you were pregnant. But life went on. You raised your Talia to the best of your ability. But one day, everything goes to shit. Now your boys are back in your life. And they're not planning on leaving anytime soon.

Little Fox A/B/O Series » Soft!Dark Bucky Barnes x Soft!Dark Natasha Romanoff x OFC! & Peter Parker x Soft!Dark Tony Stark — So I can’t stress this enough you need to read the tags for this series and I kept getting confused as I read this story as to how old Violet Mason is. But this series takes you on a roller coaster, I like it, my cousin didn’t finish it, I need to catch up.

Pelmeni *finished* » Stucky x Reader — James Bucky Barnes has a good life, as a member of a powerful organized crime syndicate. His best friend Steve is a member too and his literal partner in crime. Bucky's got a problem though. You. His longtime love and secret girlfriend. Unfortunately, your father is his boss and has plans for you that involve normal life. Steve has a problem too. Steve wants in on your relationship and more than the semi-regular/occasional steamy threesomes. You don't have a problem, you're just busy with a big mob wedding coming up, which means a big celebration, that you're busy catering for.

Dying For This Love » Dark!Bucky x Reader — That was before. When you were Bucky’s girl. Now, you have a score to settle. That’s why you’re wearing Bucky’s favorite red satin dress, the one with the cuts that reach right up to the tops of your thighs, the tennis necklace he gifted you for your anniversary, and are fresh off of a mani/pedi and hair appointment. He’s going to regret the day he fucked with you. | This one is intense and a tad bit dark, but the smut is good.

off to the races » Steve Rogers x Reader — In which you call the kingpin your Daddy.

The Mobster’s Little Girl » Steve Rogers x Reader — what happens when the big bad mobster gets blackmailed by your father to marry you? (kind of fluffy kind of not. kinda dark kinda not.)

Brooklyn Sweethearts » Dark!Stucky x Reader — Bucky and Steve had always been meant to keep her safe and happy. As far as anyone else was concerned, that was their sole reason for being alive. Unfortunately, the things that kept her safe were not always the things that kept her happy. Lately, she was making it pretty damn hard for them to compromise. | Probably one of my all time favorite Mafia!Stucky stories I have ever read, just sadly it also hasn’t been updated in like 8 months and I keep hoping it will get updated.

Hot Doll » Skinny!MobBoss Steve Rogers x Reader — Steve Rogers is on the rise in the New York underground as you’re trying to keep your own place there. | Dark and good!

Doctor Doctor » Steve Rogers x PlusSize! Reader — (1940 Mobster AU!) You're a war widow down on her luck; and the King of Brooklyn, Steve Rogers, takes notice. | Another one of my favorites. A little bit dark as well.

The Widow » Dark!MobBoss x Reader — It’s the 1920s and everyone’s having a roaring time but you. | Trust me it’s just dark enough.

Those are just some on AO3, I would just go through Mafia AU tag and go to filter and click Avengers or Captain America.

#you ask i answer #ktk rec ‘21 #ktk rec #ktk fic rec #mob!bucky #mafia!bucky #mob!andy barber #andy barber #andy barber x reader #bucky barnes x reader #mob!steve #dark!steve x reader #stucky x reader #fanfiction recommendation #fanfic rec #mob!sebastian stan #mob!sebastian stan x reader #mob!chris evans

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ugh-againwiththenames · 3 years

Text

So Many Fanfics So Little Time

This is just my list, I have seen so many (but if you want to use it it’s all yours too!). I’m not a writer. But I am a hell of a reader. Voracious one might argue. I just wanted to track my progress through the weeds of the absolutely never ending supply of Destiel and Cockles fanfic.

Read on if you want to see what I’ve read, and what I’ve thought. I am but one person with opinions - some of them may be unpopular - some of them you might agree with, but if you find something you haven’t read here, I encourage you to do so.

Honestly, this is just so I can track what I have read already, and when my friends ask, I can reference something easily. I have found some different fics on all kinds of ‘best of’ lists all over the interwebs. And I love recs - so rec away friends.

As someone who reads a solid 40 novels a year typically, I don’t come by the “I read a lot” innocently. I do actually read a LOT. When not reading fanfic (a new obsession, all things being fair), I usually read a lot of Fantasy/high fantasy, romance/erotica, and or YA (yeah, that was a bit of a ride no?). So from this one might digress that I like fluffy, cute stories, complicated and supernatural/paranormal type stories, and I sure do not shy away from violence or smut (or maybe violence with smut? *smirk*).

I have read all of these in the last 2-3 months (I will continue to add as I go). I had never read a fanfic until 2-3 months ago. A lot of these wonderful people are on here, and I mean you no offence by not directly tagging you - I’m still learning how to actually properly use this site. Links to AO3 are included (and I love you all).

These aren’t necessarily in any real order - I did read T&S first, followed by 91W, and 4LW...after that it’s just a shit show of Long or Short, Destiel or Cockles - smorgasbord. Some of these are the most popular Fics out there, and others I’ve never seen recc’d anywhere (just sort of accidentally happened upon them). So let’s get to it, shall we?

Twist and Shout - ok look. I understand the stigma associated with this one, but it was the FIRST one I read. It was the ball that shot me down the hill, and I haven’t stopped since. So. I loved it. I CRIED like a baby. SOBBED. It was not the quality of the writing but the way the story was developed and delivered. I have Never Cried Like This Reading a Story IN MY LIFE. It’s a rite of passage. Read It and have an opinion - it doesn’t need to be mine.��

Author(s): gabriel, standbyme https://archiveofourown.org/works/537876/chapters/955188

Ninety-One Whiskey - aka 91W, it is mentioned so much, and is SO worth the read. I continued my dive into the war fics (not typically my bag really and here I was reading 2 in a row). There are a couple of followup stories as well to this series (and yes, I’ve read them all). Although I’ll say that the original is my favourite. I often got lost in a bit of the War/Tactical descriptions, but would recommend it to anyone anyway. Ugh...the “stolen moments”...they were at the same time tragic and the most amazing things ever. You feel me? no? go read it.

Author: komodobits https://archiveofourown.org/works/2362190/chapters/5214500

Four Letter Word for Intercourse - aka 4LW. OMG just, OMG. I loved this story. I loved it so much. I think I read it in a day. Devoured it. It’s so HOT. Just read it. If you haven’t you’re missing out. LEMME AT IT. I loved “knowing the secret”, and had some major anxiety about that realization dawning (I had to take a breath, and be like, no, no, this is gonna be a mess, but it’s gonna be SO GOOD - I was not disappointed). There’s more than one work here too - read them all. PLEASE.

Author: bendingsignpost https://archiveofourown.org/works/16086839/chapters/37568591

Memories Bring Back Memories (Bring Back You) - This was the first Sobs one I read, but it sent me on a spree. this is the Memory Loss one. I have one piece of advice here - read everything by Sobsicles. You can thank me later...just go to her page, and fucking sort to supernatural (or not, read it all!) I’d list them but I’d fucking seriously be here all day. Also, her tags make me laugh so hard.

Author: sobsicles https://archiveofourown.org/works/24022945/chapters/57796885

Orpheus - I love this one too, Tattooed!Cas, my LOVE. paired with Mechanic!Dean, my HEART, #help. Read this one in one evening as well. (I was on a roll). It’s a one night stand that turns into more (much like my last relationship)....hmm...maybe this is why I was pulled in - although to be fair that is the last similarity to my shitty love life! I do not remember how I stumbled onto this one (tattooed Cas may have been the draw...tbh). Read the warnings though, there is some triggering stuff in this one - but if you can handle it, it’s definitely worth the read.

Author: sysrae https://archiveofourown.org/works/2364347/chapters/5220227

Have Love, Will Travel - Can you say no to Stripper!Dean? Cause I sure as hell cannot. Typical sort of character development here with Dean having trust issues, and Cas being painfully awkward...(but in like a super cute way?). Would Recommend.

Author: squeemonster https://archiveofourown.org/works/565455/chapters/1011747

The Inexhaustible Silence of Houses - Change of pace here...It’s got a nice twist. I didn’t actually clue into how it was going to end until very near the end (maybe I was being oblivious), when the realization came over me and I was...man. I was DONE IN. I hope that doesn’t spoil (I need some kind of way of remembering them). Voiceless!Cas Hunter!Dean

Author: Askance (doomcountry) https://archiveofourown.org/works/560268/chapters/1000755

Adagio - This is super short, and super cute. Honestly, I would read the whole thing just for the last line. It’ll take you less than an hour if I remember correctly. Go, I’ll wait. I squeeed. did you?

Author: noangelsinthegarrison https://archiveofourown.org/works/1397248/chapters/2928145

Any Little Heartache - super easy read (not in a bad way, but in a ‘you’ll fly through it’ way). It’s mid-length, not graphic, but really fun hospital AU. HeartSurgeon!Dean / Nurse!Cas - enemies to lovers anyone? Fuck you to Fuck me? yeah. YUM.

Author: followthattardis https://archiveofourown.org/works/5143376/chapters/11838311

Ad Astra - This is another short(ish) one, just one chapter. And by that I mean that this is written like a very long poem. Cas as a star who has visited Dean many times over the years of his life, that culminates in 4x01 barn scene. It’s ‘awe’ sad. ‘puppy dog eyes’ sad. The writing format took me a bit to understand what was happening - it’s my lack of poetry knowledge, not the writing.

Author: nhixxie https://archiveofourown.org/works/1013491

Ad Astra Per Aspera - This is a cute story. ESL writer, no judgement. I found this while looking for the one above, and thought the premise looked cute - and it was. Misunderstanding leading to Dean realizing he’s actually Bi. Miscommunication leading to realization.

Author: Riverchester https://archiveofourown.org/works/12354336/chapters/28101816

Psalm 40:2 - Time travel post-canon Cas and Pre-series Dean. If you’re wondering how that works, strap in for this ride, it’s well worth it.

Author: unicornpoe https://archiveofourown.org/works/30786425/chapters/75992444

Addicted to You - Warlock!Dean/Incubus!Cas - accidental ‘mating’ (I actually really don’t like that word, but there’s sort of no avoiding it in this situation). Cute story. When you drunk dial a succubus and get an incubus instead...Whatever will we do?

Author: Ltleflrt https://archiveofourown.org/works/4387346/chapters/9959288

A Glimpse Beyond - End Fix-it. Not yet complete, 10 chapters so far...I want MORE! Reliving memories Dean/Cas & Sam/Eileen.

Author: NorthernSparrow https://archiveofourown.org/works/27731689/chapters/67875925

Cas-ti-el - Please I want more...It’s like the story just started. Please write more of this story!! 1 chapter, it’s a trope prompt challenge, but I want it to be a full on story of its own. Imprinted names of their soul mates, Dean doesn’t understand his (because it’s in a different language)...I’m frustrated by wanting this story to keep going.

Author: Valinde (Valyria) https://archiveofourown.org/works/1941591

Our Bodies, Posessed by Light - another short one. Not going to lie, this one took a little getting used to, and I can’t say that I enjoyed it too much for the sole purpose that the premise gave me the willies. Cas has to vessel jump - ends up in Sam...I got through it, it had a good ending, but yeah, sorry. This just wasn’t for me.

Author: obstinatrix https://archiveofourown.org/works/260289

Peanut Butter Pumpkin Wedding Cake - Waiter!Dean / Writer!Cas - This is so effing cute, just misunderstanding after misunderstanding bumbling around like the couple of dorks that they are. It’s only one chapter. 100% would recommend.

Author: Sparseparsley https://archiveofourown.org/works/223962

Destiel, Actually - This is another super cute story, 5 chapters. Gabriel playing a singular role in putting Dean and Cas in awkward positions to push them together. I fucking DIED at “oh, I am the sub” - needs context, but I guarantee you that you’ll laugh out loud...

Author: Bexism https://archiveofourown.org/works/399934/chapters/658398

The Smell Before the Rain - This was my first A/B/O - a big apology to all those who are into mpreg and whatnot, this was my lesson that I am not. this was not for me. Also - I’m a firm Cas (Alpha/Dom) believer, and i’m good with switch Cas, but it’s hard for me to take him being the full Omega here, when paired with the rest I just couldn’t do it. I finished it, but, not my thing. I know now.

Author: jscribbles https://archiveofourown.org/works/22355230/chapters/53406127

Crazy Diamonds - This is another short one, only 3 chapters - it’s a body swap for Dean, 4x02 him and 2018 him swap places (assumption that 2018 him is “with” Cas). It’s a super cute little story.

Author: pantheon_of_discord https://archiveofourown.org/works/16151642/chapters/37738631

The Breath of All Things - Wheelchair!Dean / Volunteer!Cas. This is a lovely story, typical Dean self-hatred etc. Triggering for those with suicide warnings. It had me in tears at the end. There’s a really spectacular quote near the end that I found so romantic I screen grabbed it.

Author: KismetJeska https://archiveofourown.org/works/994750/chapters/1967519

Kind of a Forever Deal - SummerCamp!AU This is just a really cute and fluffy summer camp AU. Which is so different from 91W (That’s right, check the author)! I was a little disappointed with the ending, but otherwise really enjoyed this all the way through and was loving all the discovery and young characterizations of all the characters.

Author: komodobits https://archiveofourown.org/works/999291/chapters/1978478

Everytown, USA - Best way I can break this one down? Wanderer!Dean (listless and without a place in the world, he ends up in a small town...), Twin!Cas (that leads to some fun things). There are a number of points where you’re gonna yell at Dean for doing stupid shit (that are very much in character for him to do), you think, well, yes, obviously you’re going to do that you silly fucking boy [affectionate]; but whyyy? (but we know).

Author: aileenrose https://archiveofourown.org/works/1797559/chapters/3854836

Chalk and Chainmail - HighSchool!AU, Cas is an artist, Dean LARP’s - it’s cute and angsty.

Author: lemonsorbae https://archiveofourown.org/works/804704/chapters/1517551

A Little Patience - Ok. you want smut? This is your story. You want Kink? This is your story. I actually did not finish this. It got a little carried away in my opinion. It was VERY panty kink oriented (which, while essentially canon isn’t really my kink) so, if you want that Panty Kink on full display? Go forth and enjoy! it is thirty something chapters, I got to the mid-twenties I Think.

Author: riseofthefallenone https://archiveofourown.org/works/1750058/chapters/3739232

Control - I REALLY ENJOYED THIS. Which is saying a lot for someone who has already admitted that a Subby Cas isn’t really my HC - so to so thoroughly enjoy a Sub!Cas story? (maybe it’s the tattooes...*wink*). It’s an AU where Cas is the head of a company - Dean is a callboy I guess, for lack of a better term. Just read it.

Author: dothraki_shieldmaiden https://archiveofourown.org/works/31156601/chapters/76993217

More (I copy pasted the next lot from my google doc, I’ll flush them out later - no i wont...)

Teach Me (short) - movie night in the bunker, things get a little carried away Author: Chiyume https://archiveofourown.org/works/5961327

You Light the Spark (in my bonfire heart) (short) - when cas doesn't realize that dean is unaware of his feelings, super short, super cute Author: noangelsinthegarrison https://archiveofourown.org/works/1193910

Communication Breakdown (short/cockles) - dean ends up in Jensen's head while he films the confession scene, no sexual content Author: jujubiest https://archiveofourown.org/works/29669601/chapters/72951339

Look What You Made Me Do (short/cockles) - - Vegas Con 2020 / jensen comes out with a song - cute short - no sexual content Author: green_blue_heller https://archiveofourown.org/works/30251592 Full House (short/cockles) - reimagined version of the rented house story - putting it in order (so to speak). funny / cute / fluffy not explicit Author: n_nami https://archiveofourown.org/works/30855827

Cyber Sex (short/cockles) - anastiel https://archiveofourown.org/works/31467086 - shameless post GISH Fest zoom call porn - Short (very short)

It's Complicated (cockles) - gail_morgan https://archiveofourown.org/works/31434938/chapters/77747519 The GISHtake (short/cockles) - MellyCrazyCoconut https://archiveofourown.org/works/31508099 - cute short post GISH zoom - oops "babe, really?"

(10.02.2021 updated) Since last update: New reads - Fuck i’m gonna be here all day - there’s not gonna be as much gonna be NO detail in these breakdowns...sorry! This has now just become a “what i’ve read list” as opposed to a Rec list...

Love, All Alike (Pt. 1 Love, All Alike) - Phantoms_and_Foxgloves https://archiveofourown.org/works/4555599/chapters/10370646 - Though The Stars Walk Backward (pt 2 Love, All alike) - Phantoms_and_Foxgloves

And this, your living kiss - opal_bullets https://archiveofourown.org/works/18083927/chapters/42744872

Come On, Let's Strike a Match (Domination and Submission: a love story pt 1) - anyrei & queerwerewolf *** https://archiveofourown.org/works/25722478/chapters/62458810 - Playing With Fire (D&S: a love story pt 2) - We Kiss and the Flames Get Higher (D&S: a love story pt 3) - Sparking That Old Flame (D&S: a love story pt 4)

Cinderwings - bendingsignpost Cinderella!AU** https://archiveofourown.org/works/12847041/chapters/29336421

Linden - fleeceframe Swan!AU** https://archiveofourown.org/works/33126730/chapters/82236118

No Netflix, No Chill (short) - dorian_they https://archiveofourown.org/works/28764966

Can't Drink You Away (short) - dorian_they https://archiveofourown.org/works/28785792

Jensen Totally (Does Not!) Snore (short RPF) - Dorian_they https://archiveofourown.org/works/30315717

Dean Ships It (short) - dorian_they https://archiveofourown.org/works/30349434

All about control - wingless https://archiveofourown.org/works/9151930/chapters/20791243

Aesthetics in Autoerotica (pt 1 Aesthetics in Autoerotica) - relucant https://archiveofourown.org/works/3885544 - The Ties that Bind (pt 2 Aesthetics in Autoerotica) - relucant

Let's take a drive - sobsicles https://archiveofourown.org/works/32581027/chapters/80819581

Enchanted ink - castielslostwings TattooArtist!Dean TattooArtist!Castiel AU *** https://archiveofourown.org/works/23043622/chapters/55109530

The bones beneath our skin - darknessbound https://archiveofourown.org/works/24633754/chapters/59515804

The Plot (RPF) - Castiel_Left_His_Mark_On_Me https://archiveofourown.org/works/2795588/chapters/6274970

The Gentle Force with which you Take Me (RPF) - Phoenix_Ascended https://archiveofourown.org/works/32110120/chapters/79549183

According to all known laws of Life (Pt. 1 Cursed Metaphors) - sobsicles https://archiveofourown.org/works/29207901 - and he's back (with a mind of his own) (pt. 2 Cursed Metaphors) - sobsicles

Six hundred sundays (and many more) - sobsicles https://archiveofourown.org/works/31158776

Aching in the Absence of you - sobsicles https://archiveofourown.org/works/31832977/chapters/78811378

gorging myself on you, still can’t get full (insatiable) (Short) - sobsicles https://archiveofourown.org/works/32203291

memories bring back memories (bring back you) - sobsicles https://archiveofourown.org/works/24022945/chapters/57796885

Dream Come True (short) - bendingsignpost https://archiveofourown.org/works/28071159

tall grass - aeli_kindara https://archiveofourown.org/works/13127040/chapters/30030726

asunder (Short) - rageprufrock https://archiveofourown.org/works/62115

Apheresis - bendingsignpost BloodDonor!AU ** https://archiveofourown.org/works/32674783/chapters/81056680

we always were but never knew it - frightfullyrude https://archiveofourown.org/works/32698324/chapters/81119503

In this Louisiana Bar (Short) - fleeceframe https://archiveofourown.org/works/31764487

The Hitchhiker's Guide to Alternate Universes - n_nami https://archiveofourown.org/works/32687929/chapters/81092785

my heart a compass - lagaudiere https://archiveofourown.org/works/28629951

Unsound Inverses - sp8ce (not complete) https://archiveofourown.org/works/29836881/chapters/73413300

The Jensen Mistake (RPFish) - fellshish https://archiveofourown.org/works/31950169

tell me about the dream (Pt. 1 Kids are coming home) - playedwright https://archiveofourown.org/works/27984813/chapters/68544450

It's handy to know (FIMMF Themed ;)) - RosaMarloes https://archiveofourown.org/works/31761322

So Says The Sword - komodobits AngelTrueform!AU** https://archiveofourown.org/works/12597892/chapters/28695592

Communication Breakdown (RPFish)- darkshrimpemotions (jujubiest) https://archiveofourown.org/works/29669601/chapters/72951339

Carry You Home - Casloveshisfreckles https://archiveofourown.org/works/26982637/chapters/65862916

In the Shadow of your Wings - Enochian Things (Salr323) https://archiveofourown.org/works/7531294/chapters/17121655

When Harry Met Sally (RPF) (Pt. 1 When Harry Met Sally ‘verse) - mnwood https://archiveofourown.org/works/7622347/chapters/17351845 - Eight Dildos (RPF) (Pt. 2 When Harry Met Sally ‘verse) - mnwood - Attention, Please (RPF) (Pt. 3 When Harry Met Sally ‘verse) - mnwood - Boat Trip (RPF) (Pt. 4 When Harry Met Sally ‘verse) - mnwood

A Winter's Tale - NorthernSparrow https://archiveofourown.org/works/2654327/chapters/5930561

A Close Shave - NorthernSparrow https://archiveofourown.org/works/3090167

r/supernatural - renrub (short) https://archiveofourown.org/works/27626783

sam reads destiel fics - rebshome (short - funny!) https://archiveofourown.org/works/33721624

Angel Cookies - noxsoulmate Chirstmas!AU ** https://archiveofourown.org/works/11729640/chapters/26427765

Under The Midnight Sun - NorthernSparrow Arctic!AU ** https://archiveofourown.org/works/16690645/chapters/39143677

Bron-Yr-Aur - mrbluesky (Short) https://archiveofourown.org/works/28225335

The Dean Winchester Beat Sheet - saltyfeathers https://archiveofourown.org/works/19258594/chapters/45800209

The Meaning On My Skin - saltnhalo https://archiveofourown.org/works/18005378/chapters/42538133

Red Right Hand (Pt. 1 Murder Ballads) - Duckyboos https://archiveofourown.org/works/4306110/chapters/9760008 - Are you the One that I've been waiting for? (pt. 2 Murder Ballads) - Duckyboos

Riptides - sharkfish https://archiveofourown.org/works/13230426/chapters/30263556

Damn Fine Ride - Cimorene105 (pt 1 - rodeo) Cowboy!AU** (I’m a horse girl, sue me...) https://archiveofourown.org/works/14342340 - My Face Just Does This, Sometimes - Cimorene105 (pt. 2 rodeo) - The Kinkiest Thing I've Ever Done- Cimorene105 (pt 3 rodeo) - All Signs Point to Love - Cimorene105 (pt. 4 rodeo) - Monster Love - Cimorene105 (pt. 5 rodeo) - My Man, The Siren - Cimorene105 (pt. 6 rodeo) - A Pain in My Ass - Cimorene105 (pt. 7 rodeo)

Astrolabe (terra incognita pt 1) - reluctantabandon, Winter_of_our_Discontent https://archiveofourown.org/works/3348812/chapters/7326794 - Drollery (terra incognita pt 2) - reluctantabandon Winter_of_our_Discontent - Rubrication (terra incognita pt 3) - reluctantabandon Winter_of_our_Discontent

Go Down With This Ship - PorcupineGirl https://archiveofourown.org/works/8023642/chapters/18370474

Fire and Ice - Castielslostwings (Firefighter/Paramedic AU!) ** https://archiveofourown.org/works/23286295/chapters/55768486

The Structural Similarities of Hunters and Onions - Faster_Than_the_Speed_of_Sound (Short) https://archiveofourown.org/works/33383101

Castiel Novak's Office, This is Dean - emmbrancsxx0 https://archiveofourown.org/works/22411336/chapters/53545840

Out of the Deep (out of the deep pt. 1) - riseofthefallenone - MERMAID AU! ** https://archiveofourown.org/works/548878/chapters/977676

Dean (and Cas') Top 13 Zepp Traxx - pantheon_of_discord https://archiveofourown.org/works/10909440/chapters/24256989

I'll Be Good - LittleAngelCassie https://archiveofourown.org/works/4118334/chapters/9282234

Kenosis - CastielsCarma (Short - part of Destiel ABC collection) https://archiveofourown.org/works/30411720

#fics #fic recs #fanfiction #ao3 #cockles #destiel #dean and cas #jensen and misha #one track mind #supernatural #please send me recs #read more fics #this is my new obsession

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ambii15 · 3 years

Text

Untitled Clexa Fic

Recently I’ve opened a very old WIP that has been sitting in my google docs. I read it over and my brain just started running with ideas for it. I’m thinking this is a possible new story for when I finished Shattered Reflections and would like to see if anyone is interested in it to be a future fic! (I think I’ve posted this on here previously but I can’t seem to find it in my archive anywhere so if I have, oh well. Here’s to reading it again!) This is only a small portion of it but please, enjoy!

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The sirens didn’t help with the nightmares.

Neither did the screams.

Pillows only blocked so much of the noise before it became too much of a steady muffled buzz in her ears. Not even the headphones now laying dejectedly on the floor seemed to work. It was almost as if the sounds were engraved in her mind. Playing on that old time record player that seemed to drone on for hours on end.

But the noises were the least of her problems.

The real fear was the bites —biters. It was like something out of a horror movie. The dead rising and stumbling uncoordinatedly through the busy streets of Los Angeles, rotting teeth sinking into ripe flesh and pulling screams of agony from the poor souls trapped beneath them. The military was supposed to control it, orders for everyone to return to their homes and stay there until everything was right again.

But it never happened.

They became mostly overrun save for a few posts that were able to keep things together long enough for some backup to arrive. Not that it was helping. Each day was different. Each day the sirens were less and less and the screams were more and more. Hope was dwindling on the horizon along with the setting sun, becoming nothing but little wisps among the darkening sky, barely able to dance among the stars.

And hope wasn’t the only thing she was running low on.

“Shit.”

An empty soup can was slammed against the counter, the last tiny crumbs from some stale crackers bouncing beside it. A dejected sigh sounded from the sole occupant of the apartment. She had only had a few rationed goods when everything started and now she had nothing. She knew no other apartments on her floor had anything in them. She’d already searched through every single one of them with little to nothing coming from them.

There were other floors.

But there was no guarantee they weren’t overrun by biters.

And with nothing more than a few flimsy kitchen knives, she would be no match if a hoard was waiting for her.

Weeping blue eyes peered over her shoulder to stare at the family photo hanging by the entryway of her kitchen. With her mind and body completely defeated, Clarke slumped against the counter before falling to her knees. Sobs racked her body as she slowly curled into herself, trying to keep herself from screaming out in sorrow.

“I’m sorry mom, dad. I’m not strong enough to do this. Not by myself.”

With shaky hands, Clarke opened the drawer to her left and reached inside. After grabbing what she needed Clarke slowly turned and sat on the dirty floor, back meeting the cool wood surface of her cabinets. She stared at the object in her hands, slowly examining it as the setting sun coming from her kitchen window bounced off the shiny metal blade.

Maybe the flimsy kitchen knives would be her savior after all.

Clarke flexed her fingers around the handle of the knife as she lowered it to the skin of her wrist. Her chest began to rise and fall in rapid succession as panic set in. The tears that lingered at the corners of her eyes finally fell along pale cheeks before splashing against the slant skin of her arms.

Clarke took a steadying breath.

She could do this.

Just before Clarke could slide the blade across her wrist the sound of her front door busting open caused her to yelp and defensively hold the knife in front of her. She jumped to her feet, hands shaking as she prepared herself to come face to face with biters for the first time. Clarke had only seen them from her living room window, watching them stumble and chasing things around the streets below her. She was nowhere near ready to have one looking her right in the eyes.

Her breathing stilled, waiting for the sounds of groans and uneven footsteps to sound through her living room and into her kitchen...but they never came. Clarke calmed her breathing, carefully switching the blade to her other, non-sweaty hand for a better grip, before easing forward with light footsteps.

As she peered around the corner of her kitchen entrance, Clarke never imagined she’d be looking right down the barrel of a rifle.

“Don’t move.”

The words were whispered but quick and harsh. The voice was one of a female, probably around Clarke’s age if not a few years older, if she had to guess, but the rifle blocked her view of her face. Clarke shakily raised her fingers from her knife, leaving only her thumb to hold it against her palm in a show of surrender.

“I-I won’t hurt you. Just...don’t shoot,” Clarke responded as she began to bend to slowly lower the weapon to the floor.

The barrel of the rifle moved impossibly closer to her forehead causing Clarke to stop in her tracks.

“I said, don’t move,” The woman growled and Clarke could see one of her hands shifting along the rifle’s handguard, the other with a cautious finger hovering over the trigger.

“Okay, okay. I’m just going to drop this,” Clarke whispered as she went to drop her knife.

“Stop,” The woman commanded before she could drop it. “Do you have any other weapons? Guns? Machete even?”

Clarke wanted to laugh. If she had even one of those things why would she choose a lousy kitchen knife to defend herself at a time like this?

“What makes you think I have a gun or a machete? I thought biters were breaking in and I’m defending myself with a kitchen knife. You really think I would choose this over either of those things?”

The rifle lowered slowly, revealing a strong jaw, smooth skin smeared with dirt, brunette hair pulled back by braids, and eyes green as a vast forest. Clarke clung to those eyes, feeling herself get lost in them and the tension easing from her body unconsciously.

“Have you been bitten?”

The words barely registered in her mind as those green eyes searched her face before dropping to search below Clarke’s neck. Clarke could feel her cheeks warm under the slight smudge of dirt covering them.

“W-what?”

The strange woman used the barrel of the gun to push Clarke’s flannel open, successfully showing off milky skin caked in weeks of dirt. If it had been any other day, if there weren’t biters crawling around the streets or the fact that there was a gun pointed at her chest, Clarke would’ve punched the woman for exposing her in such a way.

“Bites? Were. You. Bitten?” The woman snarled, eyes bouncing between Clarke’s face and body. “I won’t ask again.”

With her flannel now hanging around her elbows leaving her in nothing but a black cami, Clarke glanced down at her own skin as if to confirm for herself that she had no bites.

“N-no. I haven’t been bitten,” Clarke began slowly. “To be honest, I’ve never even come face to face with a biter. I’ve only ever seen them from my window.”

Green eyes darted over to the window Clarke had weakly gestured towards before landing back on her. The muscles in the woman’s jaw clenched before raising her gun back towards Clarke’s face.

“Are there any others here with you?”

From her position, Clarke was still able to see the picture of her family hanging on the wall. Blue eyes clouded over in sadness and drifted down to the dirty floor of her apartment.

“No. It’s just me.”

Clarke kept her eyes to the ground, resigning herself to whatever fate this beautiful saw fit for her. Just mere minutes ago she was ready to end her own life. What should it matter to her if this stranger chose to do it for her?

“Keep the knife. You’ll need it.”

The knot that had formed in her stomach since the moment her apartment door had opened suddenly eased. Hazy baby blues snapped up from the floor as the woman stepped around Clarke and into her kitchen. Clarke watched as the stranger started moving around the empty cabinets in search of food that Clarke knew would not be there. She almost wanted to laugh when the woman let out a string of curses as she opened the last cabinet.

“There’s nothing here,” Clarke chimed. “There’s nothing on this floor at all. I’ve checked.”

The rifle that had been shoved in Clarke’s face now bounced against the woman’s chest as she turned to face her. They exchanged glances across the kitchen, neither choosing to voice just how bad of a situation no food was at a time like this.

“You’ve been in here since it all started?”

Clarke’s eyes finally explored the full form of the woman who now leaned back against the counter. She wore a simple black t-shirt covered with a few dark stains which Clarke assumed to be blood. A black leather jacket, which was surprisingly clean, hung over her lean shoulders and Clarke almost blushed as her eyes drifted down to gaze at toned thighs wrapped in dark denim.

“Yeah,” Clarke nodded as her eyes lingered on the dark timberland boots the stranger wore. “After the military called for a mandatory stay-at-home order I never left, but almost all the people in the building didn’t listen because they thought the city was unsafe. That’s why all the apartments are all empty...well at least on this floor. I don’t know about the others.”

A sudden dark chuckle slipped past the woman’s pouty lips.

“So you haven’t left this floor for what? Almost two months?”

Clarke’s eyes rose to the ceiling, silently trying to count the days in her head but failing.

“Honestly, I don’t know how long it’s really been. I barely had any food to begin with, no weapons to defend myself, so I just chose to hole up in my room. Sleep the days away and hopefully wait for the day that help comes.”

This time, a bitter laugh sounded through the kitchen.

“Help isn’t coming. It never was.”

And the last of Clarke’s hope was crushed. Not that it hadn’t been already. If she was honest with herself, Clarke knew long ago that there was never going to be any help after the military in the city fell. If their numbers in Los Angeles were overrun...there was definitely no hope for any other cities.

“I...I kind of figured that. After the military, after watching all those things cover the streets, I had a feeling there was nothing -no one- left. I guess part of me was just hanging on to that hope that maybe something would change and someone would come...maybe that’s the only thing that’s kept me sane this long. The thought of being saved.”

The strange woman absentmindedly pushed at the empty soup can Clarke had discarded earlier as she processed her words. After a few beats of silence the woman pushed herself away from the cabinet, hands pulling her rifle back into her grasp and moving over to the little window in Clarke’s kitchen and peering down.

“You can’t sit here and wait for someone to save you. You have to save yourself. Because no one else is coming.”

Clarke glanced curiously at the intricate braids woven through the woman’s hair and suddenly felt the need to know if she wore it the same way before the biters.

“But you’re here,” Clarke found herself suddenly saying.

She didn’t know why she said it. Maybe because it was true. Here was this woman, armed and fierce looking, like she knew what she was doing, standing in Clarke’s empty kitchen. Clarke lived on the fifth floor and if her fear was right, that there were biters on the floors below her, then the woman obviously had to sneak around them or fight them off to get here. Whatever the case was, it meant she knew what she was doing...and Clarke needed someone like that to help her learn to survive in this world.

That thought was jarring to her. Not even minutes ago she was ready to leave this world, but now? Now Clarke found herself staring at this woman and thinking that she could have a chance at living. That maybe she could be taught how to navigate this new world and fight back.

Survive.

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Please let me know if you’d be interested in me continuing this story in the future! I look forward to writing more for this little universe that’s running around in my head once my other fic is finished! :)

#clexa #clexa au #clexa zombie au #clexa are soulmates #clexa fic #Lexa Woods #clarke griffin #lexa #clarke #untitled clexa fic

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t-lostinworlds · 4 years

Text

All Too Real (Tom Holland)

A/N: Well, this was longer than expected. I’ve had this idea in a while, and it feels great to finally do something about it aha. Also, I’m not going to tag my permanent taglist here since most of the people who are in there are for Shawn. BUT with that being said, tell me if you want to be added to a permanent taglist for Tom fics only or both Tom and Shawn. Am I making sense? Prolly not lmao but yeah. hope you guys enjoy this one!

Pairing: Tom Holland x Actress!Reader

Summary: You were meant to be acting, but the scene just hits too close to home that you've managed to say the wrong name, then everything just felt all too real.

Warnings: A bit of Angst and my usual typos

Word Count: 9.7k+

Masterlist in Bio

-:-:-:-:-

You didn't know who your leading man was until the very last minute, making it impossible to back out now.

Not only that, but you'd be risking a big opportunity if you decided not to take the part, the lead role to be exact. This was a big movie with big, well-known directors and it will guarantee to boost your career to the next level being that you're just starting off as an actress. This was your moment and you weren't going to jeopardize that just because of a personal reason. Plus, contractually, there was no turning back.

The movie was a mixture of crime, action, drama and romance, and it was already a given in the script that you'd be playing across a leading man.

You just had no idea it was going to be him.

Production starts tomorrow and you just found out that you're in a movie with non-other than Mr. Tom Holland himself.

Spider-Man to the world, ex-boyfriend in yours.

It was not public knowledge that you two used to be together. A very impressive thing being that your relationship lasted for about two years, yet not a single word got out. Nobody knew about you two except your closest friends and family, and both of you were happy to keep it that way for as long as you can until you both were ready to share your relationship with the world. But things happened and you didn't get a chance to do so.

You met Tom on the set of Captain America: Civil War. You were just a mere extra at that time as you were still trying to find your footing in the industry. He, on the other hand, had just finished his screen test with Chris Evans as he solely told you.

It was lunch time when this cute boy wearing this, almost a crossover between the Spider-Man costume and pajamas, went up behind you to grab some food.

You two talked for a little bit, asking about what you're doing here and all that jazz, until he charmed his way into asking for your number. And everything just kicked off from there really.

It was blissful while it lasted, the both of you, young and so in love. Nothing but pure happiness and adoration as your relationship took its course and blossomed into this wonderful thing. It was almost like a fairytale how lovely it was. So beautiful to see the joy in the two of you, even with those sweet little moments that you shared. That until the success of his first solo film as Spider-Man.

Him shooting the movie brought no problems at all as you were there to support him through and through. Hell, not even during the press junket where he's always traveling, that didn't cause any strain between your relationship as you've managed to make it work. But once the numbers started rolling in and the attention got bigger, that's where you got left behind.

You were still finding your way as an actress but you didn't seem to get the same amount of support from him as he did from you as time went by. He did at the start of course, he was your number one fan, but once he found his big break, you just got pushed to the side.

Somehow, in some odd way, a switch was flipped. He became distant, almost cold all of the sudden.

It was almost like he became too good for you in a way. Other people made you feel like you were nothing to him, that you weren't on his level and that took its toll on you. But the most hurtful part was that he didn't even bother to reassure you that, that wasn't the case at all.

There was this constant battle in your brain as you tried to reassure your own self with your relationship with him. That this was just nothing, that he was just busy, and that he loves you still. But clubbing out with friends most of the time doesn't really qualify as being busy now does it?

The logical part of you just keeps nagging that it was over. That there was nothing to hold on to, even if you hopefully wished there was something still there, that you can still save this relationship.

But no, it was all gone.

He broke up with you some time later. He said he wanted to enjoy life without worrying about anything, without worrying about you. He wants to enjoy his new found life while being single, in other words.

He was basically saying that you were holding him back, and to be honest? He was probably right. He made you feel that he was right.

The break up wasn't sunshine and butterflies at all. Voices were raised, words were thrown, and everything just burst into flames. When he shut the door and left, everything just turned to ashes, the remains of your heart along with your relationship. It was dark, cold and just painful to the point that you've lost yourself after that.

You took all the blame. All of it.

For months on end you kept telling yourself that if you were just good enough, if you were successful enough, then maybe he wouldn't have left you. You kept beating yourself up for something he has done and that never is healthy, telling yourself that it's your fault when in fact, it wasn't.

It took a lot of will-power to snap out of it, being that you are the most critical about yourself. But you've managed to push through, worked harder than ever before to get yourself out there and to make a name for yourself.

And here you are, about to star as the lead role of a big film.

You are far better than you were a year ago, definitely. But have you fully healed? No.

Distracting is not healing.

You kept yourself busy with your career and it has help you to not ever confront your pain. It was always shoved aside as you paid it no mind. You even avoided anything about him for that matter, in hopes that you wouldn't be reminded of that certain hurt that only he has caused. You've just been running away from it, running away from the demons of your past.

But now, there was nowhere to run.

"I'm so sorry I didn't tell you earlier Y/N. I just got scared that you might turn the role down if you found out he was going to be in it too and it's just a big opportunity and I can't live with myself if I had let it slipped away from you." Your manager rushed her words on the other side of the call, the concern in her voice clear because she knows. She knows what you went through with Tom.

"No it's okay Jeanne. I understand why you did it and I really thank you for that. Another thing I owe to you." You stated truthfully. If it wasn't for her, you wouldn't have had that extra push that you needed to get you where you are today. And you were glad you've found someone who only has her best intentions when it came to you and your career.

"I–uhm, am I shooting scenes with him tomorrow too?" You added as a whisper, despite the fact that you were alone in your hotel room at the moment. Scared that if you'd say it any louder, the pain in your chest would only grow deeper and sharper.

"Yes, he is going to be there tomorrow." She answered, empathy laced in her tone and you can just picture the frown she has on her face.

You bit your bottom lip as you stared up at the ceiling. This is going to be a hard movie to shoot that's for sure. But you're a professional; you can just brush it off like it's nothing. "Okay, yeah, okay. I'll see you tomorrow Jeanne." You breathed out.

"Get some rest hun. You've got this." And with that you ended the call, your whole body flopping down on your bed as you let out a frustrated groan.

The universe truly does have its ways in making you face the person who you have been avoiding—so successfully so far—in order to spare yourself the heartache.

With one last sigh, you pulled the covers over your body, waiting for sleep to take over so that you can have a much needed rest.

It was going to be a long day tomorrow after all.

* * *

Two hours was all you got.

Two hours of sleep as you lay restless in your bed just thinking about all the millions of possibilities on what could happen once you see him again for the first time after a year.

No matter how hard you tried to shut him out of your thoughts, he still managed to invade it even after all this time. The past was haunting you, he was haunting you and it was like you were back to that night again.

You feel so disappointed in yourself as you found your way back to old ways, crying about a boy who doesn't even give a single damn about you.

It took all the courage and strength in your body to leave the bed in the morning. A struggle to say the least until you slapped some sense into yourself and finally made your way to set.

You just arrived in the nick of time. It wouldn't be ideal to arrive late on the first day of shooting as you wanted to let them see that you are a respectful and respectable actress, so managing to be just on time, it was a great start of your day.

Even more so when you felt the hot cup of coffee warming up your fingers as you held it in your hands. The smell of freshly roasted coffee beans enough to boost your energy, especially with so minimal sleep.

There was no sign of him so far, and you were thankful to at least have time to breathe and just relax. No matter how little that time may be, you will definitely take it.

You've already met the Russo brothers who were both sweet and kind, both expressing their excitement to start the project that they've been so amped up to do.

After the casual chats, introductions and greetings, a young lady then guided you to where the trailers are going to be parked. Opting out of her offer to take you right at the door as you solely can manage yourself. But you also wanted some time to take in everything that you've seen so far because it was a big and amazing set, and just to take a moment to ground yourself in a way. Somewhat grasp every bit of alone time as you wouldn't have one until the end of the shoot, which was going to be later in the night.

You were on your way there when you suddenly heard something running after you, the sound of the pebbles rustling about growing nearer and nearer which was then followed by a loud bark. Surely enough when you turned around, you saw the prettiest dog, hurdling towards you with a wide smile on her face. That cute face that you'll always recognize from a mile away.

"Tessa?" You grinned wide as you squatted down to greet her, expecting a subtle encounter but no, she full on jumped on you making you fall flat on your bum. Genuine laughter erupted out of you as you tried to keep yourself sitting upright, all while making sure not to spill your coffee. You were sat cross-legged on rocks now but you didn't care, too preoccupied with the love Tessa was smothering you.

"Hi angel! How are you my love? You good? Healthy? Happy?" You gushed in a small voice, giggling when she covered your face in kisses, you not minding by one bit as you rubbed her belly in return.

You were too engrossed with Tessa that you didn't even notice that someone was already standing there, just watching, not until you heard your name.

"Y/N..."

You didn't have to look up to know who it was.

Having heard your name slip out of those lips countless of times, all on so many different occasions, there was no need for you to see who that voice belonged to.

It wasn't even above a whisper, but you heard it, the sound of longing etched in his voice, that certain tone that you've heard endlessly but only... only whenever he misses you.

And you wanted nothing more than to curse him out because how dare he? How dare he act like he cares when he didn't show any of that—not even in the slightest—that night he left you?

You were already filled with so many emotions and that's only from hearing his voice, you haven't even looked up to fully see him yet.

"Tom." You sighed, giving the back of Tessa's ear one last scratch before standing up fully, patting your jeans clean before gathering up the strength to finally look up at him in the eyes.

The way your heart stopped for a full second and then beat again but with twice the pace, never have you felt that in your life.

You stood frozen as you stared right into them, those brown orbs that once felt like home, but now only brings nothing but pain. And the way he was looking at you so longingly, it only added anger in the mix.

"Hi."

Tom knew he fucked up.

He knows how bad he screwed things up. He was fully aware of how much he's lost and how much of an idiot he is for being the reason of that in the first place.

You were finally standing right in front of him, in the flesh, in all your gorgeous glory, and Tom was at a loss for words.

He was talking to the Russos when Tessa suddenly bolted full speed. Not having familiar with the set yet, Tom was quick to run after her in fear that she might get lost, but he ended up finding her with a sight that was heartwarming yet heartbreaking at the same time.

He heard your laugh first. That familiar and beautiful sound enabling his heart to beat rapidly against his chest, even more so when he saw you sat on the ground with Tessa, nothing but pure joy and love radiating off of his princess, and the love that he once had.

The sight was beautiful, so endearing and it warmed him up inside, but it also reminded him of what it once was.

God he was a fucking idiot.

"Long time no see." Your voice snapped him back to senses, a soft blush coating his cheeks because he doesn't know how long he's been staring at you, but by the gods above you look absolutely breathtaking. Even in just casual jeans and a sweater.

"Yeah, it's great to finally see you again. You look beautiful." Tom breathed out, the last sentence escaping his mouth before he could even stop himself.

Tom might have been acting like such a creep but he just feels so happy to see you again. You probably wouldn't even believe him if he told you, not after what he's done, and he can't blame you. But he does, he truly does feel so happy.

"Thanks." You mumbled as you flashed him a smile. Whether it was genuine, Tom wasn't sure, but it was a smile nonetheless.

"How are you?" He asked just as he took a step towards you, but you were quick to take one step back and this made a frown form on his lips. The way you looked away and avoided his gaze, it stung, but Tom also can't say he didn't deserve it.

"I'm good, but uh, I need to get ready so uh—"

"Yes! Yes, of course, don't let me hold you off." Tom chuckled coyly, hand coming up to rub his shoulder, and just like that, the awkwardness in the air only heightened from there. Because after everything that has happened, Tom wasn't sure where he stands in your life anymore. Whether it be a civil friend or just a cast mate at this point.

When the Russos pitched him the idea, it was a no-brainer, Tom wanted to do the project right off the bat. But when he found out who the star of the movie was going to be? Nothing but pure excitement and much pride filled him up to the bones.

He has seen most, if not, all of the movies you've been in. Visiting your social media every now and then to see what you've been up to. It may sound stalker-ish in a sense but it's the only way for him to keep up with how you've been doing. And to see you grow and be the star that you were always meant to be? It was a beautiful thing for sure.

It might not have been as beautiful as experiencing it with you first hand, since he ruined that chance by a long shot, it was still heartwarming to witness—even if it was only via screen.

"Yeah, see you on set." You mumbled, giving him a curt nod before turning your attention back on the dog who was just sitting there, observing, tail on an all-time wag once she's seen that you've finally given her your attention again.

"I'm so happy to see you again angel." You whispered as you crouched back down to give Tessa a sweet kiss on the head, and Tom's heart completely melted at that.

You were there when Tom got Tessa.

He hasn't said it out loud nor broadcasted it in any way, but you became Tessa's mommy in the duration of your relationship. You took care of her while he was away on press or shoots, and he will forever be grateful for that.

Tessa was your baby as much as she is Tom's, and it now just dawned on him that he took her away from you. And Tom felt even more of an asshole than he already was.

You shot him one last look before you turned on your heel, not ever once looking back as you walked towards what Tom would only assume was your trailer.

Tessa was about to follow you but Tom was quick to grab her collar, squatting down to hold her fully to keep her in place because she was for sure putting up a fight. "No Tessa, you stay with me."

The poor pup whined once you were out of sight, looking up at Tom with those eyes emitting a soft sigh out of him. He nodded his head solemnly, giving Tessa's head a soft pat as his eyes slowly landed back on the closed door of your trailer.

"I know love, I missed her so much too."

* * *

Tom was watching from afar, he just couldn't help himself, but he doesn't exactly know which of you is which yet.

All he sees is there are two girls dressed in identical, all black and leather outfits, both have their hoods up with backs turned on him. He knows one of them was you and the other was your stunt double, he just can't seem to differentiate who is who as of the moment.

"Okay now Tom, you already know how the scene goes. The first time Detective Allan Spade, your character, meets Luna. They've known each other before so you are basically going to be surprised that the sweet innocent girl, who's your childhood best friend and then dated up until college was now a well-trained and elite assassin." Joe was the one to interrupt Tom's ogling since Anthony was at your side giving notes too. One of the perks of having two directors on set is that you can speed things up a bit. The set was built quite large so it definitely was a plus.

It was the first scene of the day and they were starting it off with an action sequence, one with cars, explosions, gun shots and the likes. It wasn't the first take for the rest but it was for Tom, being that they perfected some of stunts first, which was mostly done at the end of the set far across from him.

He didn't get to see who was doing which stunt because your character's costume has you covered in almost head to toe, making it impossible to know without having a closer look.

He was very excited though, maybe even too much that his mind sometimes flies off to somewhere—or rather, someone—instead of focusing more with the task at hand.

"Okay, yeah, gotcha." Tom nodded frantically as he cleared his throat. His arms were crossed over his chest as the heat rose up his cheeks once Joe looked at him curiously. "You okay? You seem a bit preoccupied?"

"Just a lil tired but I'm alright." Tom chuckled shyly as he looked down, the director only nodding as he added. "We're going to try and have one fluid shot with this scene so once you see her jump over the hood of your car, you quickly get out to your marker and aim your gun."

Tom hummed with a smile to let Joe know that he's listening attentively. The director gave him one last pat on the shoulder before turning back to the crew.

"Okay places everyone!" And with that, Tom got inside of a car that was hooked up to a wire rigging. It was only going one way but in top speed, so safety first is a must, hence why he isn't allowed to really drive it.

Tom already had his hands on the wheel, his head turning just enough to see a girl or Luna as he would refer—to which he assumed was your stunt double—hooked up to a trust and wires. She stood on top of a car that was situated in the middle of a chaotic road.

The sight was hectic enough with a number of cars littered everywhere—some overturned, some on fire—and a few bodies of supposed police offers sprawled on the pavement. Luna threw her hand up with thumb upturned to signal that she was ready to do the scene.

"Set and action!" And everything then just sprung to life.

Gun shots echoed throughout the space as explosions went off here and there. The car Luna was standing on drove full speed and came to a screeching halt in an attempt to shake her off. But the sudden movement only enabled her to jump off and flip right on time, so smoothly and with much grace. She landed on the ground with a roll, pausing for a second in a crouching position to let the camera capture the moment before she was full on sprinting again.

Tom's grip on the steering wheel tightened as he watched her approach, incredibly fast and nimble, dodging the cars and bullets coming after her with so much ease as if they were whizzing past her in slow motion, all while maintaining such poise in doing so.

With the signal, Tom stepped on the gas pedal hard, perfectly in sync as his car lurched forward in an attempt to catch her off guard, but just as it came right in front of her, she jumped and slid herself over the hood, landing down on the ground crouching.

Before she could even make another move, Tom had already gotten out of his car, the sound of the gun clicking stopping her in her tracks.

"Hands up where I can see them!" Tom growled, gun firm in hand as he slowly approached her, eyebrows furrowed as he glared at the figure right in front of him.

She stood up carefully with both hands held up in surrender, the silence in the air suddenly ringing as she turned around with her head hanging low, covering her face completely. That until she slowly lifted her hood off.

"Woah." Tom sucked in a breath, completely caught off guard as he stared at none other than star of the movie herself, you.

Sure, half of your face was covered with a mask, but he just knows it's you and it really took him utterly by surprise.

Tom genuinely did think your stunt double was doing this scene as the action sequence wasn't in anywhere near easy, but he'd recognize those eyes anywhere.

To say he was thoroughly impressed would be an understatement.

But knowing you for the time that he has, Tom knows how much of a hardworking woman you are. So seeing that you will likely do all of your stunts, it wasn't at all surprising to come and really think about it.

Still, Tom was speechless as he kept staring at you, and it was like there was no acting required as he slowly lowered the gun to see you more. His eyes not seeming to believe that it was you standing in front of him. Perfectly on script.

It felt so new to him seeing you in a different element, seeing you look even more beautiful and extremely sexy with that much tattered, faded leather and straps hugging your body.

You were wearing those long boots that stopped mid-thigh paired with shorts that were ripped on the edges, an almost gothic type of a hooded cloak swaying with the air, making it look even more promising that you can definitely kill. You look like you just came out of an Assassin's Creed video game, but more on the modern side. And instead of swords and knives, you've got guns.

Your eyes on the other hand were on a different level.

They were threatening to say the least. The glare was so intense that Tom actually felt like you were about to hand his ass over to him. Those sweet eyes he's grown to adore was masked by this menacing and dark look and he just keeps getting more impressed as he goes on. He wouldn't want to meet you in this state in an alleyway—or anywhere for that matter—that's for sure.

He definitely hasn't seen you like this before and boy was it making his head spin, and dare he say it, it was making him feel all hot.

You were fully in your badass mode and Tom wasn't sure if he was scared or extremely attracted, or maybe even both at the same time.

"And cut!"

And then you giggled.

Tom has let go of a girl who can definitely do both. As if he wasn't a big enough idiot already.

"Was that good?" Your voice was muffled by the face mask you were wearing, but Tom can just hear that wide smile on your face. You really just had to make him soft by being all cute and sweet again.

Oh you were giving him a whiplash that will surely be the death of him.

"Nailed it! Both of you!"

"Really? And, uh, can I have some water please?" You giggled shyly, only sparing Tom a second of a glance before your eyes was back on a girl who brought you a bottle of water.

This made him frown involuntarily, curios eyes looking at you as a certain pang hits his chest.

She's still mad at you and rightfully so.

Tom ran a hand through his hair with a sigh as his eyes casted itself on the ground. He was starting to go deep in thought as to what he should do to make things clearer for the both of you, but he got interrupted when Anthony approached him to give a few notes and directions for the next part of this scene.

So Tom just shoved his thoughts to the side and decided that when the time is right, you two will get to talk eventually.

* * *

It was the last scene of the day to which you're a little bit relief by. You were pretty much drained to the bone and you can't wait for the day to be over. But with one downside: it's also the scene that you've been dreading the most.

It was a flashback scene of your character and Tom character's falling out. It was sort of the last straw to break her completely that would then be one of the reasons that pushes her to become an assassin right after everything in her life has gone to hell.

It wouldn't have been too much of a big deal if it wasn't near what happened with you and Tom. But the case was, it was almost as identical as the night you and Tom broke up.

What a way of the universe to joke.

There were a couple of different scenarios sure, but the whole idea and vibe of the scene? It was like it was taken from the books of your very own life.

The set was whittled down now, the setting a residential area with an empty street in a cold night. You were out of your costume and in a simple knee-length dress and a denim jacket along with a pair of sneakers. A beanie sat atop your head as your hair fell down your shoulders freely.

It was tough trying to get into the headspace, as this was a heavy scene with so much crying involved, but it doesn't even take too long when all your mind could think of was that night.

"You okay?" Anthony asked as he furrowed his brows at you, concern written on his face as you've managed to look extremely crestfallen.

"Yeah, just getting into the zone." You laughed awkwardly, your heart getting heavier by the minute especially when you caught a glimpse of Tom approaching and then stopping just beside you.

"You've been incredible so far with all the action Y/N. But this scene in particular, I want you to channel all your deep emotions. You character has been through so much, loss of a father, an addict mother, the society looking down at you and then the only person who you trust and love starts to change and turn his back on you." You only nodded at Anthony's direction since your mind was already there. You've already experienced a few of the things your character has, so it wasn't hard to tap into those emotions.

You can feel Tom's stare just burning a hole through the side of your head, but never did you spare him a glance. You aren't sure if you're strong enough to keep your tears at bay. Probably best to just save it for the scene.

"You Tom, you've just gotten popular with the crowd, new friends, and people seem to love you and you only see her as like a hindrance to your joy because she starts asking for your attention. You kinda see her anger at you as her not wanting to see you happy or her being jealous of your success. You've been blinded by a lot of stuff so you become a jerk to her basically." It would be funny to think that Anthony was basically telling Tom to act the way he acted that particular night, but none of you were in the state of mind to find even the smallest humor in the situation at hand.

"Yeah okay, yeah." Tom cleared his throat, the tension in the air getting thicker by the minute that even Joe had to butt in. "Are you two okay? You both look like you've seen a ghost." The older brother asked as he stood beside Anthony.

"Yeah!" Both you and Tom almost squeaked in unison. You can feel the heat rush to your cheeks as you forced a smile. "Never better." You breathed out.

Tom was still staring at you; you can just feel it, and you so wished he would just stop. It wasn't helping your case at all, especially when he's got those messy brows furrowed by the looks of it in the corner of your eye, indicating that he was deep in thought.

"You guys have the freedom to improvise your lines, don't be afraid to stray away from the actual lines on the paper but make sure that you don't necessarily change the scene."

Without further more questions, you were finally ushered to your places. You kept your eyes on the ground while you stood in front of a screen door, hands in the pockets of your jacket as you shifted your weight from one foot to the other.

"Ready and action!"

You grabbed the screen door open as you slowly made your way inside. Different colored lights were flickering around as few people gave you looks because everyone knows you weren't invited to this party. You acted unbothered but your eyes were telling a different story.

Reaching the living room, the couch was where you saw him. He sat comfortably with arms outstretched on the back of the sofa, a girl right closely beside him as they whispered to each other's ear, rather too flirtatiously.

You stood there and watched as she got all too friendly with her hands, trailing up and down his chest as he didn't bother to do anything about it. Tears were welling up your eyes, but you willed yourself to stay focused, even if it wasn't necessarily full on acting as it was quite a familiar sight to see.

And with the cue, Tom looked up to meet your gaze and you held it, just long enough for the camera to pick up. The expression on his face was quick to change as he stood up abruptly. That was your indication to leave, so you turned around and rushed out of the house, the camera following closely behind you.

You were now on an empty street as he ran behind you, the set eerily quiet letting his footsteps echo loudly against the wet pavement. You wrapped your arms around yourself as you kept your head low, holding the tears in since it wasn't time for that yet.

"Wait, just wait a second. It's not what it looks like." Tom rushed as he grabbed your arm, but you shrugged it off and kept on walking, making sure not to take too long of the strides for you not to miss the marker.

"Of course it isn't." You scoffed with a roll of your eyes.

"Just listen to me will you?" He called out in exasperation, but you didn't even bother to turn around and give him a look. "I don't want to listen to you anymore. Just go back and have fun with your so called lady friend." You said dismissively, seeing your mark to be one step more and once you reached it, and he reached his, his voice boomed.

"Why are you being such a bitch?" You stopped in your tracks and slowly turned around to finally face him, a look of absolute hurt written on your face as his only showed nothing but pure frustration.

"I can't do this anymore." You whispered with a shake of your head, blinking away the tears as you looked up at the dark sky.

"Can't do what?" Tom scoffed as he took a step forward but he kept a good distance, eyebrows furrowed in anger with his arms crossed over his chest to seem intimidating, and it was working. You knew it was all acting, but it just looked so believable that it took a sharp swing at your heart.

"This, us, you. I can't deal with you and your stuck up attitude anymore." You gestured between the both of you and then all of him, voice cracking as you willed yourself to keep eye contact. It was so hard to stay in character and balance your emotions at the same time, because the way he was looking at you, was the same way as he did that night he left.

Tom looked away with a sarcastic laugh. "Oh so now I'm stuck up? What did I do wrong this time?" You shook your head in disbelief at his words. "So many things, you're just too blind to see it."

"Then lay them the fuck out!" He snarled with one step forward, eyes boring furiously into yours that it almost made you take a step back. But you kept your ground, glaring at him with the same intensity as you threw your hands up in the air.

"Fine! You want me to lay it out for you? You've changed! Now that you've found your way in life and found a new group of friends suddenly you're too good for me. Suddenly you're mister successful while I'm the trash who follows you around." You barked back, his resolve wavering for a little bit as he grumbled. "You know that's not true."

"But it fucking is! You make me feel like I'm nothing compared to you! I'm your girlfriend but you can't seem to spend even a minute with me since you're out with your new friends a lot. And if you do give me a spare of your time you get mad for no goddamn reason! It's like you don't even want to be near me! Like I'm a disease to you and your new life! You think so highly of yourself now that you act like I'm some low class person as if we didn't grow up together!" The accusation in your voice was clear as day, and the way Tom's jaw clenched to show that you've hit a nerve, it scared you.

"Then maybe you should take the hint to do something better with your boring life so you can stop messing with mine!"

That was when you lost it. Any sense of what's real and what's just an act, you lost it.

"Start doing something with your own goddamn career and life and stop meddling with mine Y/N! I'm so sick of your shit!"

Your brain started to spiral out of control and suddenly you weren't on set anymore, you were back at the apartment, head in your hands as you cried your eyes out, the loud bang of the door slamming shut ringing in your ears.

A single tear ran down your cheek as you stared at him in shock, breath caught in your throat as you felt your whole body tremble. You struggled to form your words, your eyes shutting tight enabling more tears to run down your face as you breathed out. "I have always been there for you. All I ask is for you to be there for me too." It sounded like a plea, soft, desperate but very painful that Tom almost broke character. Almost.

"It's not my obligation to carry your failures for you." He stated with so much venom and ice that you could only nod defeatedly, lips quivering as you held his gaze for one more second before your eyes casted itself on the ground.

"That's not what I meant but fine. I will not be a burden to you anymore." Your voice sounded so small and frail, and it was taking everything in your power not to snap, to just walk away for it to be done. But he just had to have the last word now didn't he?

"So now what you're just going to leave and give up on us?"

You don't know what it was but something in his tone or words triggered you. After a year of bottling it in, months on end of it slowly reaching its boiling point, you finally blew up. You took a step towards him as you gave him a hard shove, the sudden action catching Tom totally off-guard making him stumbled back.

"Yes! Because I'm so fucking done! I'm so done with thinking every single day if I will ever be good enough for you!" You sobbed, the tears free falling down your face but you didn't care as you continued to yell at him.

"I gave you everything that I had! I was there for you day in day out! But you still treated me like shit! You made me feel like I didn't matter to you even in the smallest of ways and that fucking hurt so bad because you mean the whole world to me! You pushed me aside like we didn't went through anything! As if all our memories together was wiped off your brain and that hurts! It hurts to see you look at me like I'm some stranger, like I'm someone you hate so much even if I didn't do anything wrong to you! I've done nothing but love you. I—I loved you so much and all you did was hurt me in return. No matter how hard I tried, it still wasn't enough because you left me! You broke my heart when you said you'd take care of it. After all of your promises you broke all of me Tom!"

Tom froze at the mention of his name.

The anger on his face was quick to dissipate, replaced by a look of nothing but pure guilt. Tom's heart broke completely as he watched you break down in front of him, so vulnerable, so hurt, all because of him. "I–"

"No! You're not getting the last word this time. I've had enough. I am done." Your voice broke at the end of your sentence, turning around hurriedly and ran off shot, leaving Tom standing there frozen and stunned.

You covered your mouth to try and muffle your sobs, attempting to run back to your trailer to escape the prying eyes but Anthony stopped you, hands resting gently on your shoulders as he held you in arms-length. "Y/N, are you okay?" You shook your head no, your tears pouring even more at his question.

"Can I have a minute for some air please?" You stammered, vision blurry with all the tears but you still saw Anthony only nodding, eyebrows knitted in concern. "Go, take all the time that you need."

You breathed out a soft thank you and ran, back to your trailer, slamming your door closed and flipping the lock as you collapsed on the floor.

* * *

It took Tom a minute for everything that has happened to wrap around his head. Your words repeating itself over and over and he wanted nothing more than to beat himself up, black and blue.

He knew he hurt you but he could only just imagine how much, up until he saw your eyes as you looked at him with nothing but pure betrayal.

The pain in them were so real and Tom knew at that moment that you weren't even pretending anymore. You weren't acting but reliving that night again, he can just see it in your eyes. You weren't addressing him as his character, no; you were addressing him as himself, Tom Holland, the guy who broke you to pieces.

Tom should've just scrapped everything and held you. He should've said fuck it to the scene and just pulled you in his arms. But the thought crossed his mind a moment too late.

He stayed in his place completely still before he was snapped out of his state when Joe approached him, the director's face painted with confusion and concern. "Tom what was that? Is there something going on between you two that you're not telling us?"

Tom didn't bother to answer his question as he looked around set, the worry in him increasing when he saw no sign of you. "Where is she?"

"I think she went back to her trailer. Wait where are yo—"

"I'll explain later." Tom called out as he ran out of set. He needed to find you and set things straight. Tom needs to tell you the full truth, tell you what's he's been feeling the past year. He wasn't going to let himself make the same mistake twice.

* * *

Sobs raked your body as you rest your back against the door, knees held to your chest in a curling position. Your eyes burning with your lungs as you cried and cried, because even if you tried to stop, you just couldn't. You couldn't find the will to erase the thought of him leaving you. That image has burned itself in your mind and it hurts, so fucking bad and you just want it to go away.

A whine from the opposite side made you lift your head up from your knees, eyebrows furrowing together once you heard it again, but louder this time. "Tessa?" You sniffled, and she barked in confirmation, scratching at the door in an attempt to get to you. Your frown deepened at the sound of her crying on the other side. She knows fully well when you're upset, and she will do anything to be beside you no matter what. It was such a sweet thing she does. Tessa's been there beside you whenever she finds you crying, she was your comfort buddy, and today, that still hasn't changed.

You stood back up to undo the lock to let her in, ready to have her hugs and kisses because they always make you feel better, but when you pulled it open, you weren't only greeted by her, he was standing right there too.

Before you could even slam the door shut he had already pushed the door wider and made his way inside, shutting it just behind him, and you made sure to step back, putting some much needed distance between you two. Of course he did. Tessa was in his trailer, there was no other way she could've gotten out without his help.

"You are a fucking dickhead for you using Tessa as bait Tom." You growled in pure annoyance, wiping away your tears aggressively as you wrapped your arms around yourself, avoiding his eyes at all costs as you stood right beside the couch where Tessa was laying down, just watching you with attentive eyes. You gave her a soft pat, distracting yourself from the man who stood there.

"I just need to talk to you, and I know you won't open the door if it was me." He was making his way towards you, but you were quick to hold your palm up, stopping him in his tracks and only making it halfway. You couldn't bear to be near him, at least not yet. Tom nodded, staying in his place as a soft sigh left his lips, "Please–"

"There's nothing left to talk about Tom." Your voice was hoarse, tears still falling down your face but not as much as before. "Yes there fucking is." He argued, desperation running through him as he tried his luck, taking another step forward. Tom just wants to be near you, to hold you and he almost shouted in glee when you didn't stop him.

"What do you want from me Tom?" You whispered, willing yourself to look at him, but only for a split second, because you couldn't bear to see his face without bursting into full on sobs again. But still, you saw it, the sadness in his features, and your walls were slowly cracking.

Tom kept inching closer and closer, and he was both relief and scared because it seemed like you weren't putting up a fight anymore, like you've somehow given up.

You were tired, both emotionally and physically, so you didn't bother to take a step back once he grew nearer. You were tired of running, maybe it was time for you to finally face him.

"I just want you to hear me out, please." Tom whispered, shaking hands slowly reaching out to hold your arms, and you let him. You let him touch you, the heat of his palms comforting you in some odd way. He was so close now and you know if you did as much as look up, you'd see nothing but his eyes, so you didn't, you can't yet. You glued your gaze on the ground, just seeing the tips of his shoes almost touching with yours, it was that close.

"You had time before to reach out Tom. Why now?" Your voice was low but broken, a question that's been in the back of your head the moment he set foot inside your trailer. "Because you looked happier and I didn't want to ruin it. I thought that you were better off without me."

You let out a sarcastic laugh, probably making you look like a complete lunatic with the tears covering your cheeks but you didn't care. Of course you look happy on screen. You had to. To fool the world and yourself, but it was always a lie, what you've shown online was just a glimpse of your life, not the full truth. "Well, clearly, I wasn't. Aren't you?"

"Fuck no. I wasn't happy without you. I know you probably won't believe me but I wasn't Y/N. I will never be better off without you." You only sniffled, still shaking your head, still not believing his words and Tom can't blame you. But he needs you to hear what he has to say, so when you stayed quiet, Tom took this opportunity to just let out what he's been holding in for how many months now.

"Darling I'm sorry, for everything that I've ever done and said to you. Fuck I know sorry doesn't even cut it but I am, I truly am sorry for hurting you my love." You let out a soft whimper at the nickname, eyes shutting tight as you shook your head at him. "Tom please don't–"

"No, no, I need you to hear this Y/N." Tom's hand went up to brush a hair behind your ear, then coming down to hold your chin up for you to look at him. It already hurts him so much just seeing you cry, and it stabbed his heart repeatedly just staring back at your pain filled eyes, the glow in them snuffed out and replaced by this broken soul.

Tom took one shaky breath before continuing. "What I did was horrible, and I know that it won't be easy for you to forgive me, and I understand if you won't ever. Hell I can't even forgive myself for what I did. I was stupid, fucking stupid for hurting you like that. I was a completely idiot for leaving you. You didn't deserve the way I treated you. You didn't deserve to get hurt like that at all. If could go back in time and take everything I said back, I would. The things that I've said, I didn't mean them, truly. I was so blinded, I was angry and got carried away, but still that's not an excuse. What I said was not okay, and it will never be. And I truly am sorry darling, I truly am."

Tom's voice broke at the end of his sentence, his heart clenching as he tried his best not to cry. He couldn't bear the thought of hurting you like that, it pains him just thinking about what he's put you through. The sheer amount of guilt and heartbreak was swallowing him whole and fast. Then there was also anger. He was so angry at himself for doing that to you, but what's done is done. The only thing he could do now was think about what lies ahead, hopefully, with you back in his arms.

"Y/N, I want you to know that... no, I need you to know that I still love you, I've never stopped loving you." Tom couldn't stop the tears from escaping his eyes, his bottom lip quivering as he spoke the words. The sob that you let out only broke his heart even more, your firm hands pressing against his chest as you tried to push him back. "No no no, you're just saying that. You don't mean that. Please don't lie to me Tom, please don't."

Tom shook his head as he bit his bottom lip to suppress a whimper. Both of his hands finding its way up to cup your face, wiping your tears away with his thumb as he pressed his forehead against yours. You kept your eyes shut tight, not finding even the smallest of strength to open them to see his face, looking at you so longingly.

"Look at me, baby, look at me." He pleaded, wanting you to see right through him, to look into his eyes and see the truth.

You took a few deep breaths as you wrapped your trembling fingers around his wrists, forcing yourself to open your eyes and gaze into his tear-filled brown orbs.

"I'm not lying to you. I love you, gosh I'm still madly in love with you Y/N." He breathed out with so much emotion, his words coming out as a soft whisper, but the truth was there, strong and firm for you not to miss it.

And who on earth were you kidding? Of course you still love him, you always have. And for the first time in a year, you let your heart take control over your brain; allowing you to push yourself up and let your lips capture his in a kiss filled with need and so much passion.

Tom was quick to kiss back, strong arms wrapping around your form as he pulled you closer to his body, his head spinning at the feeling of your warms lips back on his own after so long. Your fingers were lost in the mesh of his curls, the kiss wet due to a few more tears but neither of you cared because it felt like it belonged, like you two were finally home.

"I missed you so much." Tom groaned against your lips, walking you back slowly until you've reach the bedroom of your trailer, a slight confusion washing over you because the couch was right there, not that you're in a hurry or anything but... "Why–"

"Tessa." And with that he kicked the door shut, his action an enough answer because as much as you love the dog, she does have a habit of disturbing. A sweet giggle came out of you and Tom felt his heart melt at the beautiful sound, especially when it was filled with nothing but genuine amusement.

But that giggle was soon replaced by a soft gasp as Tom dipped his head to bring his kisses down to your neck, his hands pushing your jacket off your shoulders and letting it fall down the floor. That was when everything in your head got clouded, his lips on your skin a good enough distraction for both of you not to think straight.

Your hands found its way under his shirt, a shiver running down Tom's whole body because they were cold, but not for long. He shrugged his own jacket off and pushed you further back, the back of your knees hitting the edge of the bed allowing you to fall down the mattress with a soft thump. Tom pulled his shirt over his head and didn't waste a second more as he crawled on top of you right after, lips back on yours hungrily as he situated himself in-between your legs, your dress hiking up when you wrapped them around his waist.

Your fingers were tracing up and down his bare torso, Tom smirking between the kiss as he felt you run it over his toned abs. You bit his bottom lip as a warning to not be cocky, earning a deep groan from him, his hand coming down your thighs to give them a firm squeeze, the temperature in the room only getting higher as the clock ticked by.

But before any of you could take it a step further, a loud knock echoed itself on the whole trailer. Both of you wanted to ignore it but a voice soon then followed. "Tom, are you in there?"

The boy groaned as he buried his face on the crook of your neck, the two of you completely forgetting where you are as of the moment. Tom took deep breaths to calm himself down, your fingers running through the back of his head, playing with his hair as you did the same.

Once Tom caught his breath, he spoke, a hint of annoyance coating his voice. "What is it Harry?"

"They're looking for the both of you."

Tom sighed, propping himself up to look at you fully, beautiful face all flushed and he couldn't have seen a more gorgeous sight. "Be out in a minute." He called out, never letting his eyes off of you as if you'll disappear if he does, even for a split second. You didn't dare to move nor let out a single word. You just stared right into his eyes, so many emotions swimming in them but one that made your heart grow is the clear look of love, and for once, you felt safe under his gaze, safe and home.

"Come home with me tonight?" Tom asked shyly, fingers tracing your jaw in a loving manner. You thought about it for a second, all the doubt suddenly rushing back to you along with your brain just yelling at you to be extra careful, and you knew you just had to clear your head first before jumping right in the deep end. "Tom, I think I need to thin–"

"I know darling, I know. But please, just give me tonight. After that, I'll give you all the time and space that you need." You sighed knowing fully well you can't ever resist him, closing your eyes for a moment before nodding. A breath of relief escaped Tom's lips just as he presses it back on yours, but this time it was soft and sweet, kind of like a reassurance that he will be right here until you fully take him back, no matter how long that would take.

Tom unwillingly pulled away before things get heated again, standing up fully as he grabbed his shirt off the floor along with his jacket and slipping it on. He turned back to you with a sweet smile, offering both hands for you to take, interlacing your fingers in his once you did.

"Come on, we've got some explaining to do."

-:-:-:-:-

Like & Reblog if you enjoyed and let me know what you think! <3

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thegeminisage · 3 years

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for the fic ask meme - 3, 9, 17, 23! <3

ANON MY BELOVED <3 thank you this is so many!!! sorry this took so long to answer!!!! i wound up having a lot to say rip

3: Do you have any upcoming WIPs? How far along are you with them?

i have 3!! there was one thing i was working on prior to nov 5 of last year, which i have only just started considering again. the tag for that is “secret project tag” because well. it is a secret. im not even saying that like “oh im playing i secretly do want to be asked” i dont bc if i told anyone about it i think that i would stop being able to work on it :( like i’m just not sure i’ll finish!!! in the beginning i didn’t even want to say that it was writing, yk? i only even started tagging it because it’s obnoxious to talk about something i can’t talk about & i wanted people to be able to blacklist. i am only about 10k into it, and it will probably wind up being quite long, 150k bare minimum, so it will probably be a very long time before it ever sees the light of day, IF it sees the light of day at all.

second wip is of course the claire-centric envesseled from @cambionverse. cally and i have been struggling with it on and off since 2013 and it is Finally Time. for anyone not familiar with it, cambionverse is a fixit for the end of s6 (initially written during the airing of s6) that centers on claire novak, cas’s vessel’s daughter from s4, ben braeden, dean’s not-kid from s3/s6, and jesse turner, the little half demon from season 5, as young adults. they’re basically ocs at this point and the idea was to do one story for each of them. we did one for jesse and one for ben and claire’s was supposed to be the end of the trilogy, but we got started on a bunch of side projects and had to rewrite almost everything to prep for it, so it’s taken nearly a decade. i am so glad to finally be getting to it!! right now we’ve got about 36k, the first chapter is completely done, the second chapter is in a couple of pieces we’re trying to stitch back together, and the third chapter has like half a scene in it. it’s slow going rn because we’re sort of putting everything from previous drafts back together in coherent pieces, but i think after we get to truly new stuff we haven’t written before (this is our third draft...) it will go a lot faster. i hope so anyway, because we have 7 chapters an an epilogue planned lol. and there’s no guarantee it won’t get bigger! as these things often do.

third & final wip is ofc triptych part 3, the third in the series after to an angel and broken road, currently being called 12:46pm because i don’t have anything better to call it. (12:46pm is when i had the idea for it, or more accurately when @cleaver-2007 GAVE me the idea like the horrible influence they are.) i wrote some about it here! right now i only have about 2500 words for it because i’m struggling with my structure + trying to devote most of my free time to envesseled. i don’t want to give away the big spoiler for its premise but i am really looking forward to it & also terrified because i have seen other people doing it and i think they probably did it/will do it better than me. the way i pick my projects out is “nobody else has done this in a way that satisfies me” or “nobody else has done this at all” because then i don’t feel like im competing with anybody. like NO ONE ELSE wrote a fic where all of camelot, including uther, got magic. i was the sole corner on that market so there was no pressure yk? but this is a fairly popular concept so im angsting hard about pulling it off!!!!!

9: Are there any fics you’d love to see but don’t want to write yourself? What are they?

weirdly enough not too many! most of the time if i REALLY wanna see something and no one else has done it i will simply do it myself, assuming im in a place where i can take on a big project. such as for example a good nuanced john winchester fic. i’m sure there are some but i’m blanking, nothing is coming to mind...i think the only one i can think of right now is really long season/series/episode rewrites, but even then i am reluctant to get too invested in longer works because What If The Author Has Bad Opinions. i bet i will think of a better answer to this question when i am trying to fall asleep tonight

17: What has been the proudest moment for you so far since you started writing?

ok, so it’s a tie. one is of course the huge response to broken road, particularly that bombshell of a 6th chapter...even though i don’t think broken road is my best work, it is by far my most popular one, and i was and still am absolutely humbled by the huge amount of people who followed along week-to-week, who sent in almost literally more comments than i could reply to before it was time to post the next chapter. i know fic popularity is a matter of writing for the right thing at the right time, but it felt like the work resonated with so many people! i can’t even describe with words how that feels.

the second moment is when i finished my first-ever fanfic, which was a novelization of ocarina of time. i started writing it because i wanted to read a novelization but nobody else got to the end...i’d read dozens of deku tree chapters and no ganon’s tower chapters. it wasn’t a great or even very good fanfic, but it was a FINISHED one, and as far as i know i was the first person on FFN (maybe even the only person on FFN) to actually get to the end. when i got done i was like “that is literally the most fun i’ve ever had doing anything and i wanna do it for the rest of my life” and i started a novelization of majora’s mask the very same day. haven’t quit since!

23: What’s one piece of advice you would give to anyone who wants to start writing or posting their writing online?

i actually have a whole list of advice posts but i’m going to cheat and do two again anyway. the first one is, OUTLINE. i swear by the triangle method which posits you need 3 things to do well: enthusiasm about what you’re doing, time to do it, and to know where you’re going next. that last step IS CRUCIAL.

my second piece of advice is to have fun!!! i see posts constantly about how wrting is hard and it sucks and people quit writing all the time because they didn’t get enough comments or whatever, but if i had based my willingness to write on the amount of comments i got i would never have finished my first story, let alone go on to write another (almost) two decades. if you can find even one person to be excited with your shit about, that can be enough. write bc you love to do it - if you don’t, why bother at all?

[fic ask game]

#liz answers asks #anonymous #ask memes #liz loves writing #long post #WAH ty i was so bummed i didnt get any this is so many ilu <3 #cambionverse #12:46pm #undisclosed project tag

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starkerintheparker · 4 years

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starker reclist - canon based fics

Hi Starker fam! To celebrate my 900 followers I decided to finally start posting my humble and very personal reclist. I’ve been planning to do it for a while now but it got way bigger than I anticipated so I decided to split it in 4 parts and will share the first one today. I’ve been around for less than a year and there’s a lot I haven’t read yet so my plan is to update this list as I go.

Under the cut is part I, solely is dedicated to canon-based fics. I’m a sucker for angst so most of my recs feature guilty!Tony, miscommunication, porn with feels and all that jazz. Hopefully you’ll be able to find something interesting according to your preferences. Oh and don’t forget to leave kudos, comments and spread the love for these authors :) Cheers!

Last updated: 2020/04/18. All new fics added will be marked with ***

• 10 Ways to Woo Your Boo by @darker-soft-starker (NR, 6k, completed)

Summary: By twenty-one Peter Parker had graduated college, scored himself a post-grad job and was a full-fledged member of the Avengers. He had his own apartment, paid his own bills and juggled his time between being a superhero and working enough to cover his rent. So long as Peter was armed with his ID, he was a full-fledged adult in the eyes of the law. Perhaps foolishly, he’d assumed it would make him an adult in the eyes of everybody else too. Keen to be seen as worthy of Tony's heart, Peter enlists the help of his friends and the internet in courting his former mentor.

Review: We all love Ash’s fantastic AUs but this lovely canon-based fic may be one of my favorite works by her. I will never know how she manages the fine balance between angst, humor and romance, I just know it hits me good and takes my breath away. Oblivious!Tony and Peter being a bisexual disaster at wooing, what do you mean this wasn’t in the movies? Sounds canon to me.

• 100-Point Restoration by Destina (T, 8k, completed)

Summary: Tony needs a happiness upgrade; Peter wants Tony. These goals might be compatible. (This story is set roughly five years post-Homecoming).

Review: I just realized this was the first Starker fic I’ve read, and it was back in 2017! I didn’t ship Starker at the time but this author must have done something right because for some reason I couldn’t take my eyes away. This fic is gorgeous. Tony’s voice is amazing, his dynamics with Peter are spot-on and organic - but nothing’s better than watching their feelings unfold, like a soft and warm humming just awaiting for disclosure.

• adult supervision by doveslayer (M, 20k, on hiatus)

Summary: Peter Parker should not keep drunk-dialing Tony Stark after midnight. But more pressingly, Tony Stark should not keep answering. In which Tony tries to convince himself he's doing nothing wrong. warning: underage!Peter tho pretty vanilla imo

Review: My favorite “everything is happening while nothing is happening” fic. Their voices are spot on, the dialogues are clever, and you can almost touch the tension with your fingertips. It’s been a year since the last update but even if this fic never gets finished I promise the read will have been worthy!

• Attached by @paspleurer (E, 7k, completed)

Summary: Tony gets it, he really does. As far as rebounds go, sleeping with your childhood hero isn't half bad. And if what Peter wants is this— just sex, with no strings attached— then Tony will give him this.

Review: Pleurer and Learned Foot have seduced me with the rebound trope. This is a lovely Tony POV with the good old pining + miscommunication combo, plus enthusiastic sex and sweet domesticity. What else could I ask for?

• Covet by RTC anonymous (E, 34k, completed)

Summary: Peter has a new boyfriend. Tony starts drinking again, for unrelated reasons.

Review: I read this fic when I was still warily lurking around the Starker fandom and it blew me away. The sexual tension is so palpable you can almost taste it. There is jealous, guity Tony failing at mentoring and a vulnerable, smitten Peter Parker trying to make sense out of it. RTC anon is a religion.

• Ephemeron by @ramblings-from-elsinore (E)

Summary: "Being around Ned, Peter's reminded how out of place he is. For Ned, the second ever appearance of aliens over Manhattan is the stuff of excited hallway chatter, of where were you when—? Ned’s world wasn’t blown apart and stitched back together. Because Ned doesn’t remember. No one does, except the ones who were there, who fought." AKA, "Tony's relationship with Peter may be unconventional, but they’re unconventional people who have had some pretty fucking unconventional experiences." In which Tony can't stop touching Peter to make sure he's real, and Peter dreams of being in Tony's arms and not disappearing.

Review: I started reading this fic before I joined the fandom and man, what a way to get pulled into this ship. Brace yourself for hardcore guilty!Tony being all over the place plus unhealthy codependency and touch deprivation, all the good things. Reading this is a spiritual experience but fair warning: this is not a happy story, at least not for a long while, so please mind the tags.

• Expiration Date by @learned-foot (E, 12k, completed)

Summary: Tony knows exactly what this is. First big breakup, go for a fling with a completely inappropriate person. It’s basically a cliché. He kind of thought Peter was better than that, but apparently being brilliant and one of the bravest people on the face of the planet doesn’t mean he’s immune from being a stupid college student who makes stupid college student mistakes. AKA Tony is sure this is just a fling, and he deals with that about as well as you’d expect.

Review: Ahh my beloved rebound trope and my first rec (out of many) by LF! Between a pining, insecure Tony making all the wrong decisions and a young and confident Peter unwilling to let him go, this fic makes your heart ache in the best ways. Good thing LF only works with happy endings!

• From Thy Bounty by @ibby-writes and feyrelay (E, 31k, completed)

Summary: Tony’s eyes are always dark, but now there's almost no iris left. He looks hollowed out. There’s something terribly hungry there, despite the feast they've filled themselves on.

Review: I’ve lost count of how many times I reread this insanely hot and ridiculously well written fic. Besides the A+++ characterization, there is delicious food porn foreplay followed by a breathtaking cat and mouse game that culminates with no less than 13.5k of intense and unapologetic sex with feels, my favorite kind. Enjoy the meal! ;D

***Gift of Choice by tuesday (E, 12k, completed)

Summary: Tony Stark had a thing about giving Peter stuff.

Review: This is my favorite fic by tuesday and the PERFECT rendition of our beloved sugar daddy trope. Great pacing, amazing dialogues and a breathtaking build up that makes you both smile and sweat in anticipation. They’re so in love I almost can’t handle when they finally get together. Sexy, hot and very sweet.

• here is my hand, my heart by belatrix (E, 16k, completed)

Summary: Mostly, Tony had tried not to look. He still does. Try, that is. It’s just― it’s getting a little bit harder every day.

Review: I have a HUGE soft spot for this beautiful masterpiece, because it was the fic that finally made me join the Starker fandom. I’ve reread it so many times and it never fails to amaze me. Through an atmospheric non-linear narrative, this shows a guilt-ridden Tony Stark trying and failing to resist one determined Peter Parker who won’t take bullshit for an answer. Hot, and angsty, and breathtaking.

• I know that you got Daddy Issues (And I do too) by feyrelay (E)

Summary: The one where Peter’s blue balls save the world. Because, yeah? That meandering, blooming thing between him and Mr. Stark? That relationship that continues to be maddeningly legal, platonic, and above-board, but still somehow haunts Peter’s wildest wet-dreams? That might just be the key to Strange’s endgame.

Review: This fic is a love letter to those who appreciate an angsty and nuanced slow burn like me. Possibly the best character study I’ve ever read combined with a clever, well researched and intricated plot. Reading this will make you fall even more in love with Tony and Peter as individuals, before wanting them to be better together. Make sure to also check all related fics under the tag DIEU (Daddy Issues Extended Universe) - the Starker verse we fucking deserve.

• if I am the river, you are the ocean by sadonsundays (E, 7k, completed)

Summary: The one where Tony can't sleep and Peter can't stop his hands from shaking.

Review: This is a gorgeous recovery fic, painful and heartbreaking, yes, but still very gentle as Tony and Peter’s relationship quietly unfolds. Pepper is an absolute treat which was refreshing to me. I just love the quiet and angsty undertone that guides their journey until they finally find home in each other.

if you’d grant my love a pardon by belatrix (M, 2.5k, completed)

Summary: The first time, it goes something like this: “No,” Tony says, but it’s tired, half-hearted, not quite a denial.

Review: One of the reasons why I love this ship is that there’s always room for angst, even when they’re already together. This lovely yet heartbreaking fic mirrors Tony’s fragile heart as he realizes that as much as he should, he just can’t let go of Peter, not quite yet. Belatrix writes guilty!Tony’s headspace like nobody else and I just can’t recommend her writing enough.

• in the light of a dying star by @areiton (M, 6k, completed) fix-it

Summary: Extremis isn't a guarantee. That's what Pepper told him, as they took him off the bloody, dusty field. It was just a chance. A desperate gamble.

Review: I’m so glad I read this right after Endgame because this is the fix-it Tony and we all deserved, this fic is so comforting and beautiful. I really love the quiet, ethereal atmosphere and how it shapes our perception of time and character development. Peter is beautifully written and their get together made my heart ache in peace.

• In the Morning by @cagestark (M, 6k, completed)

Summary: Peter's pretty stressed. He isn't understanding physics despite all the extra time he is spending with Bruce. And underneath it all, something is wrong with Mr. Stark.

Review: Heart wrenching and painfully honest fic, where Tony is a jealous mess and Peter is his usual earnest, sweet and good self. They meet in the middle, and it’s quiet, beautiful and sad.

• Kiss Me by @ironspi

Summary: Five times Peter and Tony almost kiss and one time they did.

Review: This fic was such a lovely surprise! It begins unpretentious and it builds up to quality pining and unresolved sexual tension. Chapter 4 is particularly awesome, so charged and intimate. Kudos to the author for exploring Peter taking the lead and making Tony melt in his arms.

• Landslide by spqr (M, 8k, completed) fix-it

Summary: Peter jumps into the quantum realm with his heart in his throat. He steps out in 2018, on the edge of a lake he still has nightmares about. A hundred yards away over the water, the lights in the lakehouse are on.

Review: Morally ambiguous characters + angsty time travel? Count me in. This fic has a very interesting (and darker) take on Peter post-Thanos, in his raw and desperate grief over Tony. Bonus points for amazing dialogues and a fix-it plot so clever and believable I’m surprised I didn’t see it on screen.

• lean on me now by @areiton (G, 9k, on hiatus)

Summary: He’s so tired, and he hurts, the kind of screaming pain he’s struggling to ignore now, and he wants to go home. But he can do this. He can sit and watch, and keep them safe. A wry smile tugs at his lips because he knows how ridiculous that sounds--a kid keeping Avengers safe.

Review: One of the best canon divergence fics I’ve ever read. It’s quiet, angsty and Peter’s voice is simply amazing. My heart breaks for Tony, but I’m so here for Peter & Rhodey’s brOTP, the fandom deserves more of it.

• noticing by @areiton (NR, 2k, completed)

Summary: “You deserve to be happy,” Rhodey tells Tony once, when Tony is drinking and conflicted and Peter is sleeping unaware on the couch. Tony watches him, eyes bright.

Review: How could I ever resist seeing Tony and Peter’s relationship development through Rhodey’s protective and thoughtful gaze? Any Tony stan should read this fic because this is the kind of love, friendship and support he deserves. Reading this put my mind at rest, knowing Tony’s cared for, and safe.

• Obvious by @learned-foot (M, 14k, completed)

Summary: When Peter wakes up, several things become very clear all at once: he’s underground somewhere unpleasant, something is messing with his powers, and his entire body hurts. A lot.

Review: WHUMP WHUMP WHUMP *victory dance* god this one is brutal, but we can trust LF to bring on full angst with an intriguing plot and A+++ characterization. I’m so here for protective!Tony doing whatever it takes to keep Peter safe, including all the confusion and heartbreak his problematic decisions may bring.

• Permission by @cagestark (E, 16k, completed)

Summary: During drinks with the Avengers, Peter admits that he enjoys orgasms more when someone is giving him permission, though since he's single, there isn't anyone in his life to offer it. Generous Tony offers to offer it.

Review: This fic is unique and so very hot, but don’t let the smutty summary fool you. There is also tenderness and FEELS in capital letters. Despite their arrangement, pining!Tony is so vulnerable and so completely in love with Peter it kinda breaks my heart a little, but thankfully Cage is a big fan of happy endings like me, so we’re all safe in her hands.

***Post-Endgame NYE by @darker-soft-starker (M, completed)

Summary: Five years after the events of endgame Tony is resurrected. Months after that, he's still trying to find equilibrium

Review: Hands down the loveliest ‘flirting on a bench’ I’ve ever seen, and my top favorite NYE Starker fic. I love to see Tony facing an existential crisis while he navigates his new life post-resurrection, including the violent realization of ‘oh no, Peter’s an attractive adult now’. Gentle and gorgeous get together, kudos at Morgan for being a little devil and playing matchmaking.

• Proxy by @cagestark (E, 11k, completed)

Summary: Peter wants to know if Mr. Stark knows, like, anybody who’d be willing to make out with him. Things escalate from there.

Review: I have such a big soft spot for this fic because “by proxy” is one of my favorite tropes and Cage explored it masterfully. Again, this is pining!Tony at his best and Cage just has this ability to transform what once started as a sexy little thing into this soft and gentle love story, the kind that gives you butterflies in the stomach.

• Radar by @intoxicatelou (M)

Summary: Peter could say that he’s officially approached desperation, but he wants this, wants Tony, and he’s willing to do everything it takes. Or the one in which Peter tries to become Tony's celebrity crush from 2009 in order to seduce him.

Review: This is one of my favorites self-indulgent fics, I just can’t resist the good old “Peter’s seduction handbook” trope and intoxicatelou delivers it beautifully. This story is sweet, super fun and relatable af. There’s A+ pining, Peter being a bisexual disaster and MJ being the queen we all stan, shocking absolutely no one.

• Revelations by RTC anonymous (E, 127k, completed)

Summary: “I still don’t get it,” Ned says. “How you just... keep being ordinary in spite of all the craziness you’ve lived through. You were in space. You helped Iron Man save the universe. And nobody knows it was you.” His tone softens, becomes almost sad. As though he realizes that what he’s saying is so completely alien to him that he will never be able to understand this part of Peter’s life. “Peter, don’t you want people to know you for who you are?” An AU where they get the Gauntlet off of Thanos that first time, on Titan.

Review: I feel like I don’t need to justify this choice – almost everyone in the fandom has either heard of or read this masterpiece, it’s safe to say this fic is part of the Starker Training Wheels Protocol lol. If you have just arrived or is just exploring the fandom and enjoys slow burns I suggest you start right hee because it doesn’t get any better than this. There’s A+++ characterization, breathtaking pining, insane sexual tension and a very satisfying ending if I may say so. Definitely among my top 3 Starker fics. RTC anon, wherever you are, please know you are loved and appreciated. I’ll literally build an altar for you.

• Reversal by @learned-foot (E, 4k, completed)

Summary: Sometimes, Tony is the one who needs to be praised.

Review: For once Peter makes Tony just lie down and take 😊 the fucking 😊 praise 😊. I feel like I’ve been waiting for this fic all my life. This is the praise kink Tony (and we all) deserve, genuine, gentle and powerful. If you’re a big sap for their love like I am, you’re in for an emotional ride because this is overwhelmingly sweet to the point it brings tears to your eyes. LF is such a gift to this fandom.

• Settling by @cagestark (E, 5k, completed)

Summary: Peter really wants to be taller than Tony. Heels help.

Review: One of my favorites by Cage, I still remember how happy and giggly I felt when I first read it. There is A+++ characterization, amazing dialogue, Avengers domesticity, praise kink, the hottest blow job and my favorite Starker first kiss. Oh, did I mention Peter in heels and Tony loving every moment of it? You’re welcome :D

• Stipulations by RTC anonymous (E, 70k, completed)

Summary: Peter Parker’s long term dream recently went from ‘get into MIT’ to ‘afford going to MIT’. As the time approaches, it’s dawning on him that he won’t be able to pay his tuition and afford the move to Cambridge all at once: he’s out of money, his secrets are beginning to pile up, and desperation has started creeping in... And then one night, he saves Tony Stark’s life.

Review: Another fandom classic by our irreplaceable RTC anon, this fic is SO GOOD I keep coming back to it and just recently I realized I’ve built all my personal Starker headcanons out of it, lol. A+++ characterization and hot, delicious pining is a given with this author, but I’m really here for that senses-dialed-to-11 trope, and RTC delivers it masterfully.

• subtle by @areiton (T, 1k, completed)

Summary: Peter is not subtle. He wears his emotion, his excitement, like a flag waved bright red and teasing for a bull—impossible to go unnoticed, impossible to ignore. It’s adorable and it’s Peter, and it’s—in hindsight—why Tony misses the context clues.

Review: This fic is like reading poetry, a balm to the heart. Peter wears Tony’s colors and by the time Tony finally gets the context clues they fall together in the gentlest, softest way.

• Take it slow by tuesday (E, 13k, completed)

Summary: There were a ton of reasons dating Peter was a bad idea. Tony loved bad ideas. He was going to do it anyway. In which Tony thinks they're dating, and then they're dating undercover.

Review: This fic is so endearing it’s basically impossible not to cheer for these two, despite their usual infuriating communication issues, lol. But I promise all the angst and wait are worth it, because there’s nothing more satisfying than seeing how they (finally!) get to be on the same page.

• the record spins on the trails we blaze by @darker-soft-starker (NR, 5k, completed)

Summary: Years after the events of Homecoming, Peter thought all of the bad memories were well and truly behind him. After all, so much has happened since then - and he's happy now. Everything is kinda perfect.Turns out nothing stays buried.

Review: Hell yes! I agree HoCo’s events were particularly traumatizing and this trope is not as explored as it should be. To put it simply, this fic is something I didn’t know that I needed and Ash delivered it beautifully. It’s incredibly gentle, cathartic and honest, not to mention the lovely domesticity and understanding between the characters that will make your heart swell.

• Under Someone Else by @learned-foot (M, 7k, completed)

Summary: Peter realizes he’s just a rebound. And he’s okay with that, really. Or at least, that’s what he keeps telling himself.

Review: FEELS, FEELS EVERYWHERE. It’s so hard to choose a favorite fic by LF but this is the first that comes to mind because it introduced me to the amazing rebound trope. It’s so refreshing to see this ship’s potential for angst and miscommunication playing into the “fuck first, talk later” scenario. Warning for vulnerable boys being idiots and breaking our hearts but P.P.P.S they do eventually get their shit together and it’s glorious!

• Up for Anything by tuesday (E, 8k, completed)

Summary: When it came to Tony Stark, Peter would take what he could get. In which Peter believes he's just a rebound. (Not Endgame compliant.)

Review: Of course there’s yet another gorgeous rebound rec because I can’t get enough of this trope. Honestly, LF and Tuesday writing for each other have provided some of the best fics this fandom has, God bless them. This is another treat featuring pining!Peter and the usual “I can’t communicate properly how much I fucking love you”, but there’s also bantering, delicious dirty talk and so much affection that you’ll read it all with the biggest smile on your face.

#starker #reclist #peter parker x tony stark

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umbry-fic · 3 years

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A Palette Full of You (4)

Summary: Glimpses into Colette and Lloyd’s lives as they grow up together, learn who they are, and fall in love with each other.

(Written for Colloyd Week 2021)

Fandom: Tales of Symphonia Characters: Colette Brunel, Lloyd Irving Relationships: Colette Brunel/Lloyd Irving Rating: G Chapter: 4 of 6 Word Count: 5897 Mirror Link: AO3 Original Post Date: 12/06/2021

Chapter Title: Stardust

Chapter Summary: The astronomy club holds a stargazing event on the school rooftop. As chairperson, there's no chance Lloyd isn't going to invite Colette. But as the night progresses, actually spotting the hard-to-find stars become the least of Colette's concerns.

(Colloyd Week Day 4: Stargazing)

Notes+Warnings: Chapter 4 of my multi chapter Colloyd week fic! Warning for some major internalised acephobia.

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~~~

16-years-old

Stepping out of the science lab into the corridor, Colette came to a halt, her schoolbag weighing on her shoulders, soaking in the warm air as other students filed past her. One of the most unfortunate things about attending practical make-up was that she wasn't guaranteed her usual seat by the lab window. Sitting right under the air-con was enough to send her into hibernation, and the test was hard enough as it was. She'd barely managed to finish on time.

Rummaging through the pocket of her navy blue pinafore, her fingers brushed past a packet of tissue and her wallet before successfully pulling her phone out. She needed a reminder of where the stargazing event was taking place, and who better to ask than Lloyd? She hoped he was reading his messages.

"7.23 pm, May 18th" blinked at her from her phone screen.

Wait, 7 missed calls? From Lloyd? What for?

Gah, she’d forgotten to tell him.

She dialled his number, placing the phone against her ear and waiting for his anxious voice to ring out. Which it did, just seconds later as he picked up.

“Colette? Where are you? I tried calling you so many times, and Sheena and Zelos wouldn’t pick up because they’re both at tuition!”

“I forgot to tell you the makeup got pushed by an hour. Sorry for making you worry, Lloyd. But I’m done now. Where’s the event at?”

"We’re on the school rooftop! Where we celebrated Sheena's birthday last month, remember?" Lloyd replied, his voice tinny in quality from the phone call. She could hear, in the background, the overlapping sounds of many voices.

“School rooftop, school rooftop, school rooftop…” she mumbled, beginning to scurry through her secondary school's corridors, head darting every which way to determine where she was and try to find clues as to where she was going. She didn’t often wander into this part of the school campus - block D, the science block - since she only took two sciences. Usually, she’d take the main staircase straight down to the canteen, but it would take forever to get back to the roof from there. She didn’t want to be too late.

“You’re coming from science lab 3, right? If I remember correctly, it’s one right, walk past the storage room to block C, and then take the first left down the bridge to block B. You should see the staircase to the roof. Do you need me to come and get you?”

“No, no, it’s fine! Just stay on the phone?”

“Alri - OI, MATTHEW, STOP MESSING WITH THE TELESCOPE! YOU DO NOT GET SPECIAL TREATMENT JUST BECAUSE YOU’RE MY DESKMATE! GET YOUR HANDS OFF AND LET ELLA HANDLE IT!” The yell was muffled, probably because Lloyd had taken the phone away from his mouth to avoid deafening her, though his raised voice was still enough to make her wince, tearing the phone away from her ear.

“Sorry about that,” Lloyd said, his voice lowered back to normal volume again. “Got to prevent property damage. You know how it is.”

“Right…” She laughed nervously, wondering how many people were up on the rooftop and what exactly they were up to. She was hoping to spend a peaceful evening stargazing with Lloyd and listening to him talk about constellations, the shining passion in his eyes rivalling even the stars above, not… getting distracted by people fooling around.

“How’s it going? Are you getting closer?”

“I’m pretty sure I’m heading in the right direction,” she assured Lloyd, taking the left he’d directed her to and running down the bridge connecting two blocks, her ponytail flaring behind her and her pinafore swirling around her legs. There was almost no one left in the school now. The hallways she’d run through had been abandoned, for the most part, the stragglers she passed by all heading in the direction of the main gate. The sky, visible from the bridge, was in the last throes of twilight, slowly bleeding into night as black seeped across the sky.

Colette skidded to a halt at the end of the bridge, gaze landing on a familiar door. She could recall this stairwell now, having taken it two months ago. She, Zelos and Lloyd had somehow managed to lead a blindfolded Sheena up it, whereafter they had surprised their friend with a birthday cake they had baked together. That birthday cake had been salvaged solely by Zelos, who was a surprisingly good baker. Or maybe they were just average, and weren't knocking over the baking tray every ten minutes like her.

“I’ve found the right staircase!” Colette said, hanging up and stuffing her phone back into her pocket and starting to take the stairs two at a time. She usually never did that (and was often teased by Sheena over it), choosing to climb each step carefully, for the risk of tripping was too high. But she was in a hurry, and so had no other choice. Her shoe-laces were coming undone, and her school bag seemed to be getting heavier with each step.

Everyone else who was attending the event was likely already on the rooftop - Colette could hear voices and the sounds of footsteps against concrete through the open door at the top of the stairwell. Grabbing the cold metal handle, she threw the door open, finally emerging onto the rooftop.

There were about thirty or so people milling around, everyone still dressed in their school uniforms, chatting with friends, holding cups of fruit punch or lounging on the mats that had come from the gymnasium. Not enough people to count as a crowd, but certainly respectable. Just a small event, one where she could relax and enjoy some peace and quiet.

Now she just had to find Lloyd...

"Colette!"

Speak of the devil! Or the angel, perhaps... Colette tracked the source of the voice and spotted Lloyd, making his way over from a group of students who were busy fiddling with a telescope, his hand gripping a red plastic cup. One side of his collar was flipped up, and the small shooting star pin that marked him as the chairperson of the astrology club was pinned to the other. Only one of the sleeves of his white blouse were folded like they were meant to be, the other way too long and leaving barely any skin visible above his elbow. His white long pants had been rolled up as much as possible - which wasn't much, honestly, the most it could reach was mid-thigh. It was one of those stuffy nights with no wind that was stifling and hard to fall asleep in.

"You made it!" Lloyd's grin grew wider as he grabbed her hand, only for him to flinch away instantly, vivid red liquid nearly sloshing over the rim of his cup. “Gah, your hand is really cold.”

"Sorry! You know how cold the lab is. Anyway, I only made it here thanks to your assistance." Colette laughed, feeling her weariness peel off her instantly. Lloyd always had that effect on her - his energy was infectious, like it was being injected straight into her veins whenever she was in close proximity to him. Especially now, with clear excitement alive on his face.

It was strange, though. He was the only one with that effect on her. Meeting her other friends never failed to make her happy, but Lloyd was the only one that could make her feel ten times more alive in an instant the moment she saw his smile. It had only started in the past year, this unknown, electrifying sensation that arose in her heart whenever she was with Lloyd. The desire to see him again after school ended got stronger with each day, but she couldn’t understand any of it…

“You’re staying for the afterparty, right?” Lloyd asked, taking a sip of the fruit punch. He said afterparty, but she knew it wouldn’t be much of a party. Just all the members of the astrology club hanging out in the tiny room the school had assigned to them, playing card games and chatting. Everyone in the club knew her by name, for she was the friend of their chairperson who somehow managed to turn up at every meeting. She was practically an honorary member at this point.

A homey gathering without any alcohol in sight. She much preferred it that way. The last time alcohol had come into play when she was staying overnight at a chalet with the rest of her class, sometime late last year. She'd avoided the cans of beer stacked on the floor, the smell not appealing to her. But alcohol sure made the rest of her classmates go wild. Running away from slightly drunk classmates trying to get her to play truth and dare was not fun. Normal truth and dare was already horrible, with questions like "who are you crushing on" and "who would you like to kiss". She didn't understand why it was a game that people insisted be played at every class gathering or orientation. No one ever believed her when she answered honestly with "no one", and she was fairly used to the reactions by now, the common ones being that she had to be lying, for everyone had someone in mind, or that she should stop acting so high-and-mighty, or just snickers of her being a prude.

Just because she was used to the biting words didn't mean they had stopped hurting, reminder stacked atop reminder of how she was isolated from everyone else around her. And as much as she hated answering "truth" whenever that accursed bottle landed on her, answering "dare" was even worse. There were the innocent ones like doing the chicken dance, and then there was having to kiss someone. She always did her best to leave as soon as the bottle made an appearance, but she could never say "no" when someone asked her directly to join, for she never knew how to turn people down. Neither did she want to give her classmates more reasons to treat her as a laughingstock for being too much of a coward to play. So now, whenever she was forced to play the game, she would give the least offensive answers possible - mostly girls, for she at least found them pretty, though she didn't think that was what attractive meant.

But the drunk version of truth and dare? That was hell on Earth. The questions got even more invasive. She could never understand how someone could ask "who would you sleep with here" with a straight face. And alcohol loosened the lips of her classmates, enough that she had heard snippets of some of the more adventurous ones describing their sexual escapades in sickening detail. She really didn't need the reminder that sexual activities weren't just a thing of fiction, but something that actually happened amongst real people and that people seemed to really want to do. She'd spent half of that chalet stay playing Uno with Zelos in a corner, because Zelos was way better at promptly rejecting offers to play truth and dare.

Only her friends had ever come to her defence, but it was not like they could help that much when they weren't in the same class, apart from Zelos. Still, they afforded much-needed safety, and they never pointed out how she was weird or strange or different, even if they must have noticed by now. But...

She was 16. Wasn't she supposed to get it by now?

“Yep, I'm staying. We can go home together,” Colette suggested, tearing her thoughts back to the present. "Dad already knows I'll be coming home late, and Aunt Anna can just pick us both up."

Colette reached out to fold Lloyd's right sleeve, straightening the wrinkles out, before reaching to flip his collar down. His uniform was always in such a state of disarray, and it was always up to her to get him looking neat before the teachers did their inspections during morning assembly.

"Yep, I'll let Mom know," Lloyd replied, squeezing her hand. "Let's actually get to stargazing, shall we? Come on, I reserved the mat with the best telescope. The..."

Colette let Lloyd ramble on about the specifications of the telescope as he guided her towards their destination. It was always endearing to hear him talk about the topics he loved, whether it be the ocean or the stars. His words would get faster as he went on, until he was barely intelligible as all the syllables clumped together, without him even noticing. She didn’t want to interrupt him, though, much preferring to just watch him as a smile inevitably grew on her face.

"Right! Get comfortable!" Lloyd said, having completed his spiel and coming to an abrupt stop. Colette stumbled a few steps forward, so engrossed in listening to Lloyd that she'd nearly tripped. He gestured towards the deep blue mat stuffed with foam, placing his cup next to it before crouching to adjust the sleek black telescope, nimble fingers flying from knobs to levers. His face was scrunched up in concentration, focussed entirely on his task.

Colette dumped her school bag down and kicked off her school shoes, leaving her feet clad in white socks, and scrambled onto the mat, lying down on it. Lloyd joined her soon after, having finished whatever preparations he was doing, sidling closer on the mat so that his shoulder pressed against hers as they both stared up into the night sky, now completely dark. In the distance, Colette could see the lighted-up M sign on the business complex.

“We can look at the stars first before we use the telescope to find the planets. What do you see, right now?”

"Um, well… I can only see one star in the sky," Colette muttered, pointing out the lone, twinkling presence. It was common knowledge that there was too much light pollution to actually see any of the vast galaxies and planets that were scattered throughout the universe. The most Colette had ever seen at once when looking out at the sky from the balcony of her apartment was three stars, dimly shining and far away from each other. They were hundreds of light-years away, unreachable and yet still shining their light for all to see.

"No, there's more. It's a really clear sky tonight, and we can see so much!" Lloyd replied eagerly. The starry-eyed enthusiasm had returned to his eyes, seeming to burrow straight into her heart. Pointing up into a particular patch of sky, he said, "There! Do you see the top of the Big Dipper?"

"Ah..." She tried to follow the line of his arm but didn't spot any hidden stars, shaking her head. "No...? The Big Dipper is the one that looks like a frying pan, right?" It was one of the many constellations that Lloyd had taught her while on his impassioned rambles about astrology. Ever since he'd picked up that one book on constellations from the library in primary school, he'd been obsessed with stars. She could still fondly remember the first time he had talked about it. She'd plopped down in front of him at the canteen table after school, asking what he was reading. He'd shut the book and told her about white dwarfs, planetary systems and the Milky Way for a full five minutes while she listened in awed silence. She'd rarely seen him this excited over anything. Lloyd had been about to continue before shutting his mouth abruptly, flushing as he realised how long he had gone on for and apologising for running her ear off. She'd told him that she didn't mind listening to him - there was something soothing about it, really, listening to his voice and watching his excited mannerisms.

"You remember?" Lloyd craned his neck so that he was facing her. There was something in the depths of those eyes that stared back at her. Something which, for the past two years, she would spot occasionally. And yet she still couldn’t put a name to it.

Somehow, how truly close they were hadn’t registered in her mind until this very moment. If she inched forward just a little, their noses would bump.

But they’d been this close so many times before. Why was this time so different?

Or, more accurately, what had changed in the past year? Why couldn’t she be this close without something in her clicking, filling her with a warmth that was both familiar but foreign? Why were her palms starting to sweat, her heart starting to race? It felt like she was about to give a presentation to a room full of strangers.

But that wasn't the case. She was just next to Lloyd, her oldest friend and the person she trusted most in the world.

Perhaps recently she had been noticing more tiny things she hadn't before, staring at him for just a little longer than she used to - how his hair fell into his eyes on days where he didn’t bother to comb or style his hair, how there was a dimple only on the right side of his mouth, how his hair could vary in shade under different lighting, from a golden brown to dark chocolate. It even appeared red sometimes.

She felt like she was at the cusp of a discovery.

"Of - of course I remember." Colette stumbled over the words, averting her gaze up towards the night sky. "You've been working on the notes for this club for so long, and I helped you with them! So of course I'd remember."

"That's true. We did spend a lot of late nights on those." Lloyd chuckled. "Remember all the pillow fights?"

"Yeah, I do. You always let me win, you cheater," she grumbled, glad for the light-hearted change in topic to distract from her confusing feelings. "But I'm happy everything worked out and you managed to get the club set up! You've worked really hard on all this. You deserve the success."

"I couldn't have done it without you, really," Lloyd retorted, taking gentle hold of her wrist. "And I know I've thanked you already, but let me just say it again. Thank you. In return, I'll do my best to show you as much as I can!" Lloyd pointed her arm towards a point in the sky. "There. Look closely. Do you see it now?"

She focussed on that spot, squinting in hopes that the secrets of the night sky would be revealed to her. "Oh!" Colette exclaimed. She could see it now, just barely - a faint source of light. There was a lonely little star, shining as brightly as it could, just enough to be noticeable but going unseen by the unobservant eye.

"You got it!" Lloyd cheered, beginning to slowly guide her hand to trace out a shape - that familiar pan shape he’d drawn for her so many times. His fingers, wrapped around her wrist, were so warm... "Now do you see the Big Dipper?"

"You're right," she said in amazement. The pattern had been there all along. How many more were waiting to be found, causing the sky to come to life before her very eyes?

"There are so many beautiful constellations to find in the sky." Lloyd grinned. Dimly lit by the gentle light of the night sky, far from the harsh fluorescent lights of the classroom and the often blinding rays of the sun, his features seemed softer than ever, and she had the urge to just... reach out and touch his face. Splay her fingers on his cheek, rest her forehead against his, let the strands of his hair fall through her fingers…

"Yeah..." She glanced back up at the night sky. She could spot the Little Dipper now, glimmering. Already, she was discovering new things.

When she glanced back, Lloyd was staring at her with a wistful expression, the arm not holding hers held stiffly against his side, like he was aching to reach out but was holding himself back.

The moment was gone, as quickly as it had come, and Lloyd's face once again sported a happy smile, like nothing of significance had happened. Perhaps she had imagined the whole thing. But in just a few seconds, the entire centre of her world had shifted, throwing her irreversibly off balance.

Her chest felt constricted, like she couldn't breathe properly, that strange sensation back in her heart again.

But it would be a lie to say she hadn’t figured out what it was. She had fallen into the unfamiliar pit of love, just as she had always wanted. Or maybe it would be more accurate to say she had fallen a long time ago, but had only just realised she wasn’t standing on solid ground any longer.

She had found The One. Finally.

So why... Why had nothing changed at all?

It was no longer possible to convince herself that she could be just like everyone else. Not when she was acutely aware of how stupidly immature she was compared to everyone else, always cringing away from the thought of sex. Whether it be skipping raunchy scenes in books or shows, avoiding popular pop songs with explicit lyrics, or promptly deciding to stop listening whenever her classmates decided it was a good time to talk about it. She couldn't rid herself of nausea that would roil in her stomach. But... that was wrong, wasn't it?

If she loved someone, she was supposed to desire them. That's what happened in all the stories - people fell in love, and then they happily had sex with each other. It was everywhere. In every book, in every show. Even the terrible sex-ed lessons had parroted that a happy relationship was one with healthy amounts of sex. Everyone was going to have sex at some point once they got into a relationship, to want to have it and to eagerly give it. But she didn't. She had never felt the same way. And that was her truth, the one that went unregarded by others.

Or maybe her truth was that she was just broken. That something had shattered inside of her a long time ago, and now she couldn't be put back together, couldn't feel what she was supposed to, what others did. And she didn't know what to do about it.

No matter how much she hated the idea of sex, someday she’d have to force herself to go through with it. After all, it was a requisite for a relationship. Otherwise, she wouldn’t be worthy of love, and she didn’t love her partner enough. She owed it to whoever her partner was, even if one day it ended up being Lloyd. This was her fault, after all. No one else was broken in the same way as her.

It would just be like… forcing herself to eat her vegetables when she was younger, wincing over the yucky taste until she got used to it. Nothing more. Easy.

Maybe then she’d finally get it.

Maybe then everything would magically fix itself.

Tears pricked at the corner of her eyes which she willed to disappear. She felt like the stars above. Shining alone, so far away from any other companion, looking down upon a world that was too far away to understand. All alone. Always all alone.

"Too bad we can't see more here in the city. One day, I promise, we'll see the real starry sky together! The galaxies, the planets, the suns... All of it. It'll be amazing," Lloyd continued, oblivious to her inner turmoil. Because even he could not read her mind.

Colette folded her hands over her stomach, closing her eyes. The enormity of the emotion beating in her heart absolutely terrified her, as did the thought of the future and what awaited her. Could she ever act on these feelings? Would she ever be deserving of acting on them, inadequate as she was? Did she even really love him?

There was no use in agonising over these thoughts, for no answers would ever be found.

"I'd like that," she whispered, squeezing his hand. She was more than willing to just enjoy his company for now. Her dearest friend.

“I’ll show you the rest of the stars that are visible today! Then we can look into the telescope and see the nebula. I’ve already pointed it in the right direction! You won’t want to miss it, it’s incredible! Over there is…”

So long as she could remain with him, everything would be alright.

~~~

“Bye, Lloyd!” Ella said, waving as she sprinted out of the club room. “Have a safe trip home!”

“You too!” he called out after her, as loud as he could without waking up Colette. Her head was resting on his lap, the hair she had freed from her ponytail forming a golden sea that swallowed his legs. Her arms were still wrapped tightly around the huge penguin plush that acted as the club’s unofficial mascot. He couldn’t for the life of him recall where it’d come from.

How did he always end up being Colette’s pillow? Not that he was complaining…

Lloyd ran a gentle hand through Colette’s hair, making sure not to awaken her. Mom would take another 20 minutes to arrive at the drop-off point, so he might as well let Colette continue to sleep. After all, he still had to clean up and lock up the room. At least Colette had helped him with most of it.

He moved his hand rhythmically, watching her minute facial movements. What dream was she having right now? Was it a happy one? He hoped it was. He wanted nothing more than to see a truly happy smile on her face every day, and that was the root of the feelings that had built up over years.

In the ensuing silence, he couldn’t help but think back.

What had happened while he was showing her the stars? There had been a period of time when she had seemed to withdraw into herself, becoming far quieter than she usually was. Almost contemplative. Even a little sad.

She had been back to normal afterwards, cheerful with her large smiles and bright laughter. He didn’t know how to question her about it, didn’t know how to even start the conversation. He wanted to find out, so he could help, in any way he could.

But… No matter how much he hated it, he could only wait. After all, if whatever was weighing on her was simple, she would have told him already. He could only hope she’d be able to tell him about what was troubling her, someday.

And he would wait. For as long as needed…

~~~

26-years-old

Lloyd set the rental car in reverse, slowly backing it up into the empty lot in the mostly deserted car park, the wheels crunching against gravel. Turning off the engine, he pulled the keys out of the ignition and stuffed them into the pocket of his jeans. Glancing over at the seat next to him revealed that Colette was peacefully asleep, head lolling onto her shoulder. Somehow, the abrupt bump in the road some ten minutes ago hadn't woken her up.

This was their second day in Melbourne to celebrate their honeymoon. Dad and Mom had come here for their honeymoon too, but maybe some things become a tradition for a reason. He and Colette had followed a strict itinerary, taking some advice from his parents when planning where to go. They had visited the fisheries for lunch yesterday, where Colette had sung the praises of the fish fillet, absolutely delighted at its freshness, which could never be experienced at home. Following which, they had driven to Phillip island to catch the nightly penguin parade, Colette cooing over all the little penguins waddling home. It was a cute sight - both the penguins and Colette.

It was the middle of winter, the temperature just shy of needing actual winter gear but cold enough that they were both wearing turtlenecks, not accustomed to the winter winds. A bit of a shame, actually. He would have loved to witness the adorable sight of Colette in a beanie that covered her ears, cheeks flushed from the cold and fingers housed in fluffy gloves. But alas, that sight would only remain in his imagination until they travelled to a country with much colder weather.

The car journey had been silent, Colette alternating between staring at the rare car that passed them on the narrow dirt roads, or doodling on her phone with a stylus, occasionally letting out a tiny giggle. As they had agreed upon, she had stopped looking out of the window for the last leg of their journey, which was close to a whole hour. At some point she had stopped making conversation with him, soft snores replacing the sound of her voice as the quiet night and hours of travelling had finally taken their toll.

He reached out a hand to hover over her shoulder, hesitating. He didn’t want to disrupt her rest, but she wouldn’t be seeing anything if she didn’t wake up, and that would render all his effort to transport the two of them into the remote meaningless. He had no choice.

“Colette.” He called her name softly, gently shaking her shoulder until she let out a tiny sigh. Her eyes fluttered open, still filled with sleepiness.

“We’re here. It’s time to get out of the car,” he said, grabbing hold of the strands of her hair that had fallen into her face during her sleep and tucking them behind her ear.

“Oh. Thanks for waking me up.” Colette yawned, covering her mouth with her hand as she stretched, trying to shake the sleep out of her system. “I need to cover my eyes while I get out, right?” she said, covering her eyes with her palms and giggling, doing exactly as they’d discussed without question. “I can’t look until you say so! Can’t spoil the surprise now, right?”

“Perfect! I’ll help you out of the car. Wait there.”

Lloyd stepped out of the car, shutting the door and running over to her side. He opened the passenger-side door, grabbing hold of her bent arms.

"Carefully now," he muttered, slowly helping Colette out of the car and steadying her when she stumbled slightly onto the gravel. Taking a stronger hold around her arm, he began to guide her across the carpark towards a small hill, walking backwards and taking the occasional peek behind his shoulder to get a gauge for where he was going. With each step they took, the loose bits of gravel under their feet were kicked aside.

The grassy hill was a little harder to go up backwards, but he persevered. The grass was wet with dew, starting to wet the hem of his jeans as they brushed the skin of his ankles. Colette was completely silent, seemingly holding her breath in anticipation of the big reveal.

The trip out here had been exceedingly long, for this place truly was off the beaten path. He could count the number of people here with the fingers on one hand. But he could certainly say the trip had been worth it. Just sneaking a peek upwards was enough to make up for everything. This place really lived up to all the praise it had been given online.

Making sure they had a wonderful view of the sky, Lloyd came to a stop, turning Colette by the shoulders so she was facing the right direction. "You can look now," he whispered into her ear, tapping her shoulder and stepping back.

Colette uncovered her eyes and let out an audible gasp, transfixed by the night sky. They were far from civilization, so distant that there were no artificial lights to interfere with the natural dance of the stars. Laid out above them were millions of stars, clustered together and twinkling in unity. Swirls of pink and purple denoted the galaxies, resembling little bits of cotton candy painted onto the black canvas of the sky, interspersed with tiny dots that represented planets. The entire universe was spread out before their eyes to witness, splendid and magnificent.

He watched as she raised an arm, tracing the skies slowly. It almost seemed like her index finger was trailing stardust. He wouldn't be surprised if she actually was, since she was already pure magic in every other way.

She turned to face him, the starlight reflecting in her wide eyes and off the ring on her left hand, painting her as a more beautiful sight than even the gorgeous skies above him.

"You remembered!" she exclaimed, running over to throw her arms around him, knocking him back slightly as she smiled up at him. Thankfully, they were nowhere near the edge of the incline, or they would have gone tumbling down a long way. This close, he was even more reminded of her untouchable beauty: her shimmering blue eyes were breathtaking. "You kept your promise."

Colette moved her arms so they were wrapped behind his neck. She was practically hanging off of him; his gaze focussed on her smiling face.

"Well, I wanted to see it too." He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer to press a kiss on her forehead. "And I always do my best to keep my promises."

I promised that I would never leave you, and I will keep that promise. No matter what.

“They’re all together now. They’re not alone anymore,” Colette said, "Thank you." She rested her head against his shoulder, his hands automatically shifting to her back, holding her close. "I love you."

She said those words so easily now, without the hesitance that had bogged her down at the beginning. He knew not all of her fears and insecurities were gone - maybe they never would be, and all they could do was reassure each other. There were the terrible nights where she would sob next to him and admit she felt like a fraud for being unable to give him sexual intimacy, crying that she wasn't enough and that he deserved so much more. All he could do was hold her in his arms and whisper into her hair that it was alright, that he loved her, that he didn’t care. But as time went on, those nights became less frequent, until they were few and far between. Besides, she did give him pieces of that intimacy, whenever she could - the gift he cherished, for it truly meant the world coming from her.

"I love you too. Picture?" he offered, holding up his phone. He wanted to create a physical memory of this magical moment, one that they could preserve forever.

Besides, if his parents didn’t get a photo, they would probably murder him. Mom, at least. So would Sheena, with Zelos’ snickering as an accompaniment to the crime. He wouldn’t live to see another day once he got back home.

"Of course," she replied. And he hoped the picture would be able to capture her bright smile, that which was most precious to him.

~~~

The picture they took would become a cherished memento, to be displayed on their nightstand forever - Colette pressing a kiss to his cheek, even as she gave him bunny ears, both of their faces lit up with large smiles.

~~~

Next chapter

#fanfiction #tales of symphonia #multi chapter #colloyd #colloydweek2021 #day 4: stargazing #colette brunel #lloyd irving

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Something Different {BBC Dracula x Reader} [6]

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A/N: really quickly I just wanted to thank you all for the love and support on this fic. I’m so overwhelmed with all of the attention it got so far and I can’t tell you all how happy your likes and comments and reblogs have made me. I’ve just had the worst three months of my life and I haven’t been this happy in such a long time, so I just wanted to say thank you all so so so much for giving this dumb fic your time and affection it really means the world and more to me ❤️ I also just wanted to say that I’m not being ignorant or rude with not replying to people in the comments, this is a side blog of mine and thus tumblr won’t let me comment on this account - only as my main. Please know all of your comments have left huge smiles on my face time and time again and everyone who has requested to be on the taglist is on there. There’s a few accounts that won’t let me tag, so I am sorry to those individuals, I have tried my hardest to rectify the issue and I’ll continue to do so until it works.

Enough of my blabbering, let’s continue with your’s and Dracula’s journey❤️

~^*^~

You looked past Dracula’s face for a second, eyes locking with Zoe’s as she frowned. Her back was pressed against the wall, standing close to a man armed with a gun and the usual (stake and cross). Again, you found yourself in the glass box, sitting at the large desk with the vampire sitting opposite you. Today, he had been granted one wine glass of blood, which was sitting beside him. A gentleman and a wine glass went hand in hand, and you didn’t really mind the fluid that filled the glass.

“Must we proceed with such formalities?” Dracula sighed.

“Yes, Drac.” You rolled your eyes, focusing back on him.

“And why is that?”

“Because this is my job.” You crossed your legs as you sat, trying to get comfortable under the heat of his gaze, “now, today we’re going to talk.”

“As opposed to the sumo wrestling we did last time?”

“Funny.” You sneered, rolling your eyes, “I just want to know a little about you.”

“Ask me anything, darling, I’ll spill all my secrets to you.” He tenderly took the glass between his fingers and took a sip. He gasped, like he had been deprived of air and he was finally getting oxygen back into his system.

“I want to know, specifically, about blood. The last time we spoke here, we talked about the Demeter, remember?”

“How could I forget? It was in those moments you captivated me, [First].”

“Enough flirting, I’m trying to earn a living here.” You scolded.

“My bad, go on.” He licked his lips, deciding he wanted to create a little eye contact with you. His mind wandered back a week, to the second night he was ever allowed entrance to your humble abode. It was the most interesting affair.

~^*^~

You sat curled up on the sofa, as you did most evenings, watching the usual soaps when your door knocked. Instead of getting up to answer, you allowed it to open itself and a low “only me” rumbled to your ears. When your living room door opened, you peered over to see the familiar face of your vampire acquaintance. He took no time in strolling in and settling down into the plushness of your La Z Boy. Clearly he favoured that seat above all others in your home.

About ten minutes passed as he allowed you to watch the end of your soap, and when the credits began to roll, you stretched out on the sofa. Dracula eyed you, much to your obliviousness, and then spoke up.

“I’m glad to see you got my message. Thank you for trusting me.”

“Yes, I was meaning to ask about that. When did you get a phone?”

“Oh, it was a gift from my lawyer.” He told you nonchalantly.

“Your lawyer?” You cocked your eyebrow at him.

“Yes, I helped start the law firm back before I even met Jonny, you see, so he told me he feels indebted to me. Bought me the phone to help me settle in and adjust to the new world.” He explained.

“Right. Well, should we go for a quick walk?”

“A walk-...” he cut himself off, “seems good...” his attention on you had all but disappeared as he watched the next show begin to start. A food show, showcasing all sorts of delicacies, “gracious, and to think back when I was a mere mortal all we had was over-boiled starches...”

“Yes, culinary has come far, hasn’t it?”

“Is that chocolate?” He ignored your question, “but it’s so expensive!”

“Actually, it’s extremely cheap now. Besides, why are you of all people worried about the fate of chocolate? You don’t even eat it.”

“Humans are always so greedy for the delicacies of life. I suppose such things as pineapples are common as well.”

“We can literally grow them here now.”

“Let’s walk.” He chirped, clearly irked at how society had decided to treat such magnificent things.

“Honeslty, though,” you spoke, “I’d kill for some melted chocolate and strawberries.” You threw the words over your shoulder as you walked to the door.

A soft “oh” came from your lips when you swung open your front door to find a heavy drizzle greeting you. You felt Dracula’s hand slide over your back and then the sound of material as he opened up your umbrella. He stepped out, nicely sheltered with nylon. He held his hand out for you to join him. Not thinking twice, you took his hand and found yourself pleasantly surprised when he linked his arm with yours.

You allowed him to lead you where he wanted, first nearing the river before deciding to walk parallel to it. Walking in silence, you listened to the gurgle of the river and the sweet birdsong up in the thick canopy of trees. It was nice to know that the birds were enjoying their break from the hot weather.

Dracula took you up the steep hill that lead towards the viaduct, and once at the beginning of the ginormous structure, turned left, away from it and further away from Whitby town. The cindertrack this way was not lit at all and you found yourself relying on sheer instinct and the man beside you. Your heart began to race a little, wondering why on Earth he was leading you down this dark path.

Below your feet was an odd mixture. The firmness and sharpness of small rocks and pebbles, and the sinking feeling of the drowned cindertrack that clung to the underside of your shoes. On more than one occasion, you found yourself slipping and had to cling on to the vampire for dear life.

How ironic.

A good chunk way down the track, where a holiday park was a little in front of you and positioned to the left of the track, Dracula stopped and turned to face you, keeping the umbrella perched high above you to prevent you from getting wet. Now your heart really began to run.

“No need to panic, I just want to talk.” He explained gently.

“What is it? Why did it have to be here of all places?” You grumbled.

“I’ve brought you here because it occurred to me that your neighbours liked to listen in. To save you any trouble, I thought we’d talk here where no one would hear. Well, I’ve brought you close to where there’s other humans, so that if you needed to scream, they’d hear and come running.” He spoke in a tone of seriousness, but once finished, broke out into a toothy and boyish grin

“You’re not funny. It’s dark and wet. What did you want to talk about?” You folded your arms.

“Your proposal last night. Your life, for someone else’s? Will you gift me with the information of this so called meal you wish to bestow on me as a token of your gratitude?”

You froze. In your delirium, you had promised Dracula another’s life for your own. Although you genuinely hated that person from the bottom of your heart, could you ever send such a cruel doom to them? How could you live the rest of your life knowing that you, and solely you, had caused their death? All over some teenage heartbreak? Their behaviour had lead to your drastic move, your enrolment in such a dangerous occupation, your distrust of anyone and everyone. Did that justify you sending a vampire to feast on them?

Then again, if you didn’t deliver, what would Dracula do to you? You would have lied to him and he had already spared you once before with a warning. Do not cross him again. Did you dare to defy him? Did you dare to retract your proposal? Even if you sent him to that person, there was never a guarantee that he’d let you be. He could always strike out. Were you willing to risk that?

“Yes... there’s somebody down south, in London to be exact. I... I think she’d suit your tastes very well...”

“I hope you’re not just sending me as a revenge plot [First]. I would hate to have completely misread you.” He continued to grin.

“Not... entirely...”

“Not entirely? You bad girl. And I thought you were afraid of me? Now you’re using me as a weapon? How cold of you, [First]... How very...” he grinned at you, a wretched grin that seemed to highlight the exact type of evil he was. It may have stayed on his face for a second, if that, but it was enough, “delightful.”

“Don’t get too excited, toothy. I don’t know exactly where she is.”

“Give me her name, darling. I will be able to find her. Hopefully she can live up to your promise.”

“You’ll really go?” You asked, genuinely surprised at his willingness.

“You trusted me with entrance to your home, as well as being utterly alone with you. I’d like to return the favour and believe your words, as well.”

“I see... well before I tell you, you must promise to come to the Foundation a week today. I promised Dr. Van Helsing I’d continue my study on you.”

“You have my word.” He bowed his head a little in sincerity.

“In that case, the person in London you’re looking for is Lucy Westenra.”

~^*^~

Dracula eyed you as you glared at him. Had he done something wrong? It took all but six seconds for him to realise just how badly he had zoned out. He wondered how long you had been speaking, how much of your words he had missed thinking about that evening.

“You didn’t hear a word of what I said, did you?” You inquired, tone laced with annoyance.

“Now, that’s not true, I heard that sentence.” He smirked with a familiar boyish charm.

“I asked you about blood. You told me that when you drink a person’s blood, you build your skills. Care to elaborate for me?”

“Of course. You see, I believe you call it DNA nowadays, but when it is consumed, due to my... superhuman abilities, I am able to absorb in sorts, the very DNA. I can acquire desirable attributes all by drinking blood.”

“And that’s why you chose your victims carefully aboard the Demeter?”

“Indeed. My goodness, you are a smart little lady once you get that brain working, aren’t you?” He leaned forwards, gaze boring into your eyes. He liked the way they sparkled with life, glistened with mortality. He wondered what you saw in his eyes.

“You’re the one telling me, I’m just piecing together things that I already know with the new information you’re giving me.” You shrugged.

You continued to talk to Dracula, writing down important notes on him as he spoke to you. His voice carried easily and as you were already too aware, was very pleasing to the ear. For a long time, you bantered back and forth as he gave you answers to the questions that you needed. He seemed very at ease with you. Every now and then, one of you would glance over at Zoe, who kept a strange look of discontent on her face.

You looked over at Zoe once more, who tapped her wrist to signal that your time was up. You alerted Dracula of this, and also informed him that he would need to stay in the Foundation until sundown.

“I do have one last question for you, though,” you whispered. Zoe did not need to hear this, “where have you been for the past week? Did you find... it.”

“Indeed I did.” He smirked.

His phone vibrated in his pocket, but you ignored it and stalked out of the cell, leaving him alone. Zoe informed you as you left that she wished to speak with Dracula, and you were free to go. When you left that room, you collided into another familiar person.

Jack.

“Sorry, [First], I saw you coming but I guess I couldn’t stop in time.” He flushed a little.

“That’s alright.”

“Were you just in there with Count Dracula?” He inquired lowly. It was as if he was worried about the vampire hearing his words.

“I was getting information. Why?”

“Well... Dr. Van Helsing and myself... we’re a little worried about how close you’re getting to him...”

“Jack, it’s my job.” You glared lightly at him.

“I know that, but-“

“But nothing. If he wanted to kill me, rest assured I’d already be undead by now.”

“[First]-“ he began with an annoyed sigh, however you pushed past him and stalked away.

You decided not to go home, and instead found yourself sitting on a lonesome bench overlooking the harbour. Your eyes continued to wander towards the sight of the Abbey stood proudly on top of the cliffs. It was a very attractive town, Whitby. You could see why Dracula would want to become acquainted with it. It was picturesque and oozed with an old-fashioned aura only a small seaside town such as this could ever wish to. It was perfect in every way.

Sitting looking at the sight, you couldn’t help but think about Dracula’s visit to London. You wondered if he would return after today. He seemed to have forgotten you a little. He would occasionally send you a text (something that still made you laugh with the ridiculousness of it) but for the most part, he seemed very much preoccupied with London.

Had he already taken her life?

Had he really found her or was he bluffing to save face?

That night at around 11pm, when Dracula had still not come to visit you, you let your curiosity get the better of you. You only wished to know if she was still living. Maybe he hadn’t found her after all, and had travelled south again to continue searching for her. After all, London was a very big city.

Facebook was the obvious choice as you typed in her name. It came up straight away with the amount of mutual friends you shared. Her face was still as beautiful and youthful. Still as deceiving as her outward personality. She had begun to see an American boy, you noted, maybe a month or two ago, however, his own account seemed to be missing from her page. You knew why. Even if some men did know she was taken, they’d still happily bed her. You supposed she just liked the secrecy of this permanent man in her life. You scrolled down a little, looking through shared games and memories when one post struck you as odd.

‘Lucy Westenra is feeling... naughty 😈

[not usually into older guys, but.... ;)]’

So he had found her... and the fact that he had kept her alive made something odd stir in your stomach.

Two months passed without hearing a word from Dracula. You had begun work with Zoe and Jack - a secret project looking into the undead with the information Dracula had given you, along with ancient accounts found from the nunery Sister Agatha had been a part of. Although no undeads had been reported for a few decades, it was still worth a look into given the complexity of Dracula and the possibility of more dangerous creatures like him lurking out there.

Zoe was more than a little concerned at his disappearance. You chose to neglect to tell her that you had sent him to London to murder an old friend. She didn’t need to know that. And neither did Jack, considering his crush on Lucy had seemingly tripled in the time you had not spoken. You had to question his choices, in all honesty, considering how kind-hearted and tender Jack was and how... well, promiscuous and without inhibition Lucy was. They could not be more mismatched and you wondered if Jack knew this at all.

It wasn’t that you were jealous of his feelings towards her. It was more that you were disappointed. You would never confess that to him, though.

Whilst Dracula was gone, you were able to live your life somewhat normally again. You occasionally found yourself wondering over where he could be but other than that, your life returned to normal. You could sleep in peace, knowing that he was hours away from harming you. It was a nice break from the whirlwind friendship you had formed with him. Was it a friendship? Did you have any right to call him a friend? The thought made you feel ridiculous. What kind of person befriends a vampire?

You honeslty had no clue, but the way things had turned out, it seemed you hadn’t befriended him at all. He had disappeared. It made you a little disappointed - the realisation that he maybe wouldn’t come back. But it was most likely more unhealthy to loiter around a vampire than it was to not.

~^taglist^~

@vampiregirl1797 7 @avalanet @bunnyreese12 @nerdonpluto @teamceleries @grifffins @hitbythunder @winterseoul @mymagicsuitcase @angeli-fucking-cat cat @benedictethegoddess @bloodhon3yx @nifflersravenclaw @writteninthestars288 @labelladrama @frankcastlesgrunts @angelicdestieldemon @quakerlasss @aliisa-jones @wolverinexmenn @clairedragonessbaker

#sorry this took so long #uni got a little in the way #and then tumblr decided to delete half the chapter #dracula #bbc dracula #netflix dracula #dracula x reader #bbc dracula x reader #netflix dracula x reader #claes bang #dolly wells

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anomander-dragnipurake · 4 years

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Bowser’s Castle Chapter One: Anger

First off, this fic is an alternate path for Possessed, breaking off from it at the end of part one. Second, the reason it exists: Bowuigi is my OTP for this fandom. So while playing Superstar Saga for the first time, when I reached the part where Cackletta possesses Bowser, which happened around the time I started working on part 2 of Possessed, I naturally made the connection that Bowletta and Booigi are very similar in nature. My next thought was that after that experience perhaps Bowser would be disgusted by the idea of possession and thus wish to do something about King Boo possessing Luigi which was the sole thought that ultimately led to this fic. And I know It's implied at the end that Bowser doesn't remember anything that happened to him while Cackletta was controlling and that he doesn't even know that that's what happened but that's less fun so we're just going to ignore that for the sake of the fic.

Luigi’s car was still where King Boo had parked it, making it easy to circle round to it and find. Where to now? Luigi asked with a mental sigh as King Boo hopped in.

‘Uh…’ King Boo paused, holding Luigi’s hand on the ignition. ‘I don’t actually know. I didn’t think this idea would work so I didn’t plan for anything beyond this point. … You don’t have any more friends, do you?’

No. Unlike Mario he’d never been good at making friends. And the few friends he’d met in adventures, he’d never had the courage to try to keep in contact with them.

King Boo laughed. ‘You’re so pathetic, it’s funny.’

Luigi already knew he was pathetic; he knew it better than anyone. There was nothing funny about it though; he hated it even while lacking the willpower to change it.

‘Whatever though. I can think of at least one more person who should have a fun reaction to this situation.’

Who? Out of decency most people would dislike this situation but Luigi couldn’t think of anyone else who’d have a ‘fun reaction’.

King Boo didn’t reply as he started the car at last. Apparently, Luigi would just have to wait and see.

***

“Lord Bowser sir, King Boo’s here to see you,” the goomba said as they poked their head into the room. “He’s possessing an uh… ‘meatsuit’ as he calls it and he says he wants to talk to you. He’s waiting for you in the throne room.” Message delivered, they fled, as most goombas tended to do for fear of getting yelled at for delivering unwanted news, and thus no clarifying questions could be asked.

“King Boo’s the one who beat Mario up, right?” Bowser Jr. said before Bowser could even decide if he wanted to bother with trying to call the goomba back for more questions.

From the way Bowser had heard it, ‘beating up Mario’ wasn’t quite what King Boo had done. It was close enough though so… “Yeah, supposedly three times.” And Bowser was jealous about it but he wasn’t about to show that in front of his son.

Looking back down at the kitten still carefully cradled in his hands – Bowser had been teaching him the proper way to handle them – Junior gave her another little pet. “Maybe that’s what he wants to talk to you about. If you two teamed up, you’d be unstoppable, right? You could take over the whole Mushroom Kingdom and more.”

“Maybe, I don’t know.” And it that was it, would Bowser go with that idea? On one hand it would be a guaranteed victory against Mario but on the other it would mean working with King Boo.

“Let’s go see then. I want meet him.” With exaggerated care, Junior gently placed the kitten back on the cat bed with her siblings and mama before hopping up and rushing out of the room. He didn’t even bother to close the door behind him.

With a sigh, Bowser rose to his feet too. He’d have preferred to ignore King Boo until he left but it probably wouldn’t have worked anyway. Might as well go see what he wanted to hopefully get rid of him fairly quickly.

Moving far slower than Junior meant Junior reached the throne room well before Bowser did. Upon approaching it, Bowser could hear his chatter from halfway down the hall.

“… still in there? Or is he like gone now?”

King Boo’s reply was spoken much softer, rendering it indecipherable. Which was odd all by itself but his voice didn’t sound as high pitched as it should.

“Isn’t that going a bit far then? Like… it’s kind of super creepy to think about even if he is one of the bad guys.”

Bowser reached the throne room. Junior had perched himself on the arm of the throne so that he would thoroughly tower over the fellow that stood at the bottom of the throne’s dais who was decidedly not King Boo because he was human.

“His suffering is the whole point though,” the fellow said. He then turned his grin towards Bowser. “Hey Bowser, it’s been while, huh?”

"Who are you?" He was familiar but Bowser couldn’t place where he’d seen him before.

“You really don’t recognize me? I guess that’s to be expected though. It’s a-me King Boo.” He laughed, very boo-like but also very not. “And guess what I’ve done.”

Bowser’s scowl deepened to hind his confusion because why and how was King Boo suddenly human and why did Bowser recognize him? “What?”

“I’ve thoroughly defeated the Mario bros, so much so, they had me captured in a cell but Mario let me go almost right away. Not that he could’ve kept me locked up for long anyway but that’s beside the point. I’ve utterly defeated them, something you’ve failed to do time and time again.”

With an angry growl, Bowser strode all the way over to grab King Boo by the neck to lift him to face height. “How?” He was clearly missing something here and he didn’t like it. He also didn’t like King Boo’s new form or him coming here to gloat about defeating Bowser’s enemy.

“Even as stupid as you are, I’m sure you’ve noticed by now that this body of mine is familiar.” He seemed totally unphased by Bowser’s manhandling. “That’s because it’s Luigi’s, Mario’s brother, I possessed him and am now using him as a meatsuit.”

Bowser’s initial flash of rage at being called ‘stupid’ was immediately replaced by revulsion. Possession and his body being controlled by another being was something he had personal experience with and honestly it was probably the worst thing that had ever happened him, he still had nightmares about it sometimes. So this disgusted him on a personal level.

“Stop it,” he said, squeezing King Boo’s neck a little harder.

“Stop what?”

“Possessing him!”

Another boo-like laugh that sounded creepily strange coming from a voice that wasn’t a boo’s. “You disapprove, really? And here I was thinking you’d just be jealous over how thoroughly I beat the Mario bros when you never could.”

“It’s disgusting so stop it.” Bowser breathed a puff of smoke in his face.

“Nope! And there’s nothing you can do to make me stop. Unless you want to kill Luigi, I guess. It would be a disappointedly quick end to my game but go ahead if…”

Bowser growled and headbutted him as hard enough to make his own head hurt a little. King Boo made another small laugh that faded out as he went limp, his eyes sliding shut.

“Uh… Papa, did you just knock him out?”

Bowser turned to face Junior, still standing on the throne’s armrest. “This is disgusting.” He gestured with the limp body. Junior hadn’t been there for the incident with Cackletta so he probably didn’t get why Bowser was so enraged by this. He didn’t have time to explain right now though because he had to deal with it.

“KAMEK!” He stamped his foot hard enough to shake the whole room a little.

It was maybe a grand total of five seconds before little old Kamek was rushing into the room. “Yes, Lord Bowser?” he said, wheezing a little from the run over.

“Take care of this,” he said, pushing the now not so green fellow towards Kamek.

“Um… may I ask what this is? And what exactly you’d like me to do with it.”

Bowser groaned but thankfully, Junior, hopped down from his perch to explain the situation better and faster than Bowser probably ever could. He was a smart kid.

“Okay so uh… you want me to get King Boo out of him?” Kamek asked when the explanation was finished.

“Yes!” Bowser thrust the body towards him again.

“Sir, I don’t intend to be contrarian but this is King Boo we’re talking about here, I’m not sure if I can…”

“Just do it!” Bowser stomped his foot again. This was his castle; things were done his way here. If he wanted King Boo forced out of Greenie’s body, then Kamek was going to find a way to do it whether he liked it or not.

“Yes sir.” Kamek saluted before gesturing a couple shyguys over to take the body from Bowser to carry away presumably to his lab.

“Does this mean we’re going to be at war with King Boo’s kingdom now?” Junior asked after all the minions had filed away and it was just the two of them again.

“I don’t know and I don’t care.” It would probably be awkward if that did happen because some of his minions were boos, asking them to fight their own kind was bound to cause issues. Also, how did one wage war against ghosts? Yeah sure, sometimes boos could be defeated by physical force, but normal ghost certainly couldn’t be. But those were only potential future problems and thus he wasn’t going to worry about how to deal with them until they came to pass. For now, he was angry and wanted to punch something until it broke into a million pieces.

#My writing #super mario bros #Luigi's Mansion #mario & luigi superstar saga #Booigi #Possession #Mentions of Bowletta and Cackletta #Bowser is a good dad no one can convince me otherwise

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ngame989 · 4 years

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SVTFOE: A Retrospective

Happy Mama Star Day!

OK, first and foremost, a quick update on TGG: I plan to have something ready for at least one of the major anniversaries coming up, and hopefully will resume slightly more regular updates from then forward. Thanks to everyone for your continued support, it’s been a rough year so far for me personally and for everyone in in the current pandemic situation. The anniversary of both STH and Mama Star seemed like a fitting time to get some things off my chest, both good and bad, so I’ll do that now and get it out of the way to focus on bigger and better things in the future. Fair warning, this is gonna be long and rambly and personal more than it is any sort of serious show analysis. If you’re looking for fun, feel-good celebration of what definitely were some of my favorite moments in the series, I’m not so sure this is gonna be the post for you.

It goes without saying that Star vs the Forces of Evil, for better or worse, is incredibly important to me and has been without fail for years. How are you supposed to feel when something that important lets you down so hard? Is having such strong, mixed emotions and attachment better than having nothing you care about at all? The past year hasn’t answered these questions for me, and this post certainly won’t either. There’s no thesis or likely any kind of closure here, just me baring a bit of my soul here on tumblr dot com.

It’s been a rough year or two for me. I don’t want to get too much into the specifics, but let’s just say I hit a crossroads where the entire path I’d envisioned for myself in life came into serious question, and I had been spiraling into depression and paralyzing anxiety over a complete lack of any fulfillment in my “professional” life for months before I even recognized it for what it was. Season 3 finished airing around the last few months of my undergraduate degree, which (while obviously it significantly emotionally impacted me) was a generally happy and stable time in my life. As things started to change and get worse for me, SVTFOE S4 was my ray of hope. I’m not kidding when I say that some days in the hiatus leading up to it, the thought of S4 delivering on its potential for emotional fulfillment and Starco goodness (consistently, not just at the end) was the only thing that got me out of bed in the morning and the only positive thing I could see in my future.

When we got the S4 we got, it shattered me, utterly and completely. This isn’t an attempt to dunk on S4 in some “objective” manner - hell, I even like a lot of the things about it that the fandom despises (the ending prioritizing character closure over lore, the upheaval of the political structure rather than just having Star become the Goodest Queen, etc). I’d still make the argument that a lot of the character development was very flimsy and poorly paced, a very clear effort to force the relationship resolution to be delayed until the end at all costs, but that’s not the point here. Life felt dull and lonely and warm fluffy Starco was my vicarious escape from that, and the season we got left me so completely hollow insid that it felt like I couldn’t breathe for its first more-than-a-dozen episodes, and I was so burnt out that I couldn’t even properly enjoy the parts that were genuinely good.

Even earlyish on, I was already fearing that things wouldn’t be resolved till the end and that there’d be almost none of the content I actually longed for from the show. As I’ve mentioned before, The Greatest Gift was born the morning after Lake House Fever’s late night release, out of salt and spite and a need to give myself something good to look forward to, even if it would be something I’d be making myself. I completely removed myself from even passing conversations with my best friends in the fandom because it hurt too much to even think about. I even had Seddm give me summaries of episodes before I watched them so I could take some time to emotionally prepare (at least until the 2nd to last week). And to the show’s credit, its last few weeks of episodes (with some exceptions) tried their absolute damnedest to right the ship (pun intended) and bring back the sorts of things I wanted with a vengeance. I was smiling like a complete fool for 12 hours straight after Here to Help. The ending didn’t fix my issues with the show, not by a fucking long shot, but it at least left me on a positive enough note that there was a feverish enthusiasm to continue it further on my own.

But it’s been tough. Have you or a family member/friend ever gotten bad food poisoning from a restaurant you really liked, and the smell of it makes you queasy afterwards even though you do really like it? That’s probably the best analogy I can draw to a lot of my relationship with SVTFOE since it ended. PLEASE NOTE I’M IN NO WAY TRYING TO EQUATE THE MAGNITUDE OF MY IRE WITH A CARTOON WITH SERIOUS DISORDERS THAT PEOPLE SUFFER FROM, but I’d almost be tempted to liken it to PTSD. Seeing reminders of the painful parts can put me in a bad mood for hours, and on some days even just dwelling on the show in any way will invite creeping negativity and “why the fuck couldn’t it have just-” types of thoughts taking over. There have been some days writing TGG where having to draw inspiration from or reference events/dialogues in S4 was so emotionally taxing that I had to stop writing for the night. I blocked Seddm’s entire askbox tag because I’d find my own emotions frothing into a rage over things in the show people would bring up. I’ve lost acquaintances and potential friendships over my bitterness. I instantly block anyone who posts even a hint of Tomstar/Kellco content in the Starco tags on any site because it induces such palpable negativity in my heart - I think I’m up to 1000 accounts blocked on Instagram right now, which is why Toxic runs the TGG page over there. If you’re one of the people out there that tried to strike up a conversation with me over a shared interest in the show and I vomited bile into your DMs, I sincerely apologize. And to anyone who got wrapped up in the brazen high hopes I put forth here every day as S4 approached and came crashing down with me as a result, I’m sorry for that too.

And yet... I can’t say there’s not a genuine love I still have for a lot of it. I still have my little shrine of stickers and pictures that I’ll sometimes just get let myself get lost in. There was a recent postcanon fic started by someone who just caught up on the show that brought such a depth of warmth into my chest that I’m smiling like an idiot just now thinking about it. I haven’t watched even a clip (let alone a whole episode) that Star and Marco’s voices in my head feel distant and abstract, but when I’m writing chapters I can still get emotional imagining them saying and doing things out of their devotion to one another. I’ve made no secret that I (to put it very very very lightly) have a strong distaste for the vast majority of this fandom, and yet the joy of knowing I could make people’s days or lives brighter gives me a satisfaction I can’t put words to. Don’t get me wrong, writing quickly just isn’t my thing normally anyway - I’m not trying to suggest that the sole reason for TGG downtime is that I’m driving knives into my own heart and pouring my blood onto the page. Just that that’s part of it, and it takes its toll.

The last few months, although I have missed the joy of brewing up fluff ideas and seeing them come to life, have admittedly been a welcome reprieve just not having to think about this stuff so much. In the last few weeks I’ve finally been coming around to a bit of a better place where the good bubbles up without bringing as much of the bad with it. It will likely still wax and wane, and I can’t guarantee if or when TGG will fully finish. And this isn’t my entire life - I have MMOs and card games and all kinds of other hobbies that suck up lots of my time, so don’t worry about me just lying in bed sobbing over S4 for 12 hours a day. I don’t know if the day will ever come when I can truly be at peace with it all, but I don’t want to toss out the good with the bad. All I can ask is for your patience as my own journey evolves alongside my writing, until the day comes when perhaps this story can finally come to a close. Thanks for reading, and stay safe.

Ngame

#starco #tgg svtfoe #ngame

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a-lil-perspective · 4 years

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I don’t want to be that person—

But I really need to get this off my chest. This is the culmination of two months buildup of thoughts that have been screaming far too loud for me to continue simply taking in stride. I can’t do it. I apologize in advance, for anyone who actually reads this, if this is a deterrent to you about my character or my minuscule space taken up here on Tumblr. Again, I really can no longer remain silent. If it’s any solace:

I tried.

Where to begin. First off—as much as I’d love for this to be an update on the next chapter of Remember Me, it is not. For those of you who’ve kept up with the story, I’m sure you’ve noticed my uploading pattern these past few weeks has been reduced to solely weekends—and barely that, might I add. While I will try to have Chapter 9 up within the next few days, I cannot guarantee when. At this point in time, it’s not a lack of creative streak, it’s a lack of time. I have all these outlines and segments in my head but can’t seem to even catch a breath much less put the story down in my notes or in Word for later edit and upload. But I’m trying. I really am. As I’ve said before: I will finish this story, come hell or high water. But currently being engulfed in the former has been a huge burden.

Per my past psa’s: My health? Two giant thumbs down (nothing to do with COVID-19). Personal aspects? Two giant thumbs down. Both are and have been slowly corroding me. To avoid this post seemingly grabbing for sympathy, I’m going to just stop there with that. But I’m truly suffocating in this corner.

Next point in case: I’m going to be completely candid here. It’s extremely difficult and utterly exhausting to continue posting fics. Mentally and Emotionally. The pressure to post. The pressure to post because if you don’t in a timely manner, you lose your momentum and “fall behind” when you post again. Then you’re right back to square one thereafter because people have grown absent in your absence. It’s exhausting and stressful to spin in that wheel.

It’s difficult when you pour every drop of energy into a work, only for it to sit largely unnoticed on your blog. To stay up literally all night making sure your punctuation is impeccable, re-reading the same fic over and over before you post until your brain explodes and you utterly forsake the fic the minute you hit that post button. To take up space on a post tagging and adding those notes and engaging flares that go unrequited. It’s... well, it’s detrimental. It gets you down. It gets me down. I’m not going to lie about that. We all want validation and I will be the first to shoot my hand up in acknowledgement.

I’m going to stop right there as you’re reading to clarify: This is not a call-out post. This is not a guilt post. This is not me giving an ultimatum. This is not me demanding reblogs. This is not me telling you “your likes don’t matter” (I have literally seen that on posts and it kind of disgusts me. That’s all I’m going to say about that for now).

Reblogs, while unanimously appreciated, are not a priority to me. Comments and feedback and communication are invaluable to me. That’s it. That coveted and intimate interaction between the Writer and the Reader. One is not more important than the other. We’re a team, a unit, a force that balances each other on a broad, diverse scale.

I don’t ask for much—I don’t ask for anything here, actually (unless it’s directed towards the general audience over what y’all would like to see, which largely goes unengaged whenever I bring up). No, I don’t post fics that frequently. No, I don’t crank them out as quick. No, I don’t have that many. Yes, I’m new to fanfic writing. But I work quietly and solely with all my own plots and dialogues and ideas (I love prompts and requests, though). Thus my usually hefty works. Y’all get the whole nine yards. But I don’t feel like I really get to bounce my ideas around to others, which can further exacerbate that sense of isolation for me around here. I put myself through a really long process for every single thing I write because, the quality of my work matters to me. A lot. So I try to take my time to deliver that. And... I guess I just hope you know that or can discern that as you read each time.

Another astronomically exhausting aspect is this platform itself. It’s painfully evident to me, in my four meager months here, that Tumblr is just one big popularity contest. Who can upload the most, the fastest, the most efficiently. Who has the most followers. Who accumulates them the quickest. A place where your “exposure” is literally at the mercy of others. And when people purposely don’t want to aid in that, it spirals into this really toxic mindset causing friction between Writers and other Writers, causing unnecessary strain, avoidance, insecurities, and hinderances to YOUR precious work. And I’m not about that. It’s a no from me.

Also, I’ve just got to interject with this bit: Bad Batch Writers. Bad Batch Writers struggle. In my opinion, from what I’ve seen, it’s like if you aren’t writing for a popular Clone like Wolffe or Fives or Jesse, you don’t get traffic. Which I think is just... kind of corny. Okay. I think it’s really corny and ridiculous. Please know that I’m not saying anything bad about those Clone babies, the people who write them, or anything like that. Please don’t hear what I’m not saying. I’m just making a point. Bad Batch does NOT get enough love. And the Writers ultimately suffer because of it. That’s all there.

We’re all supposed to be in this together. Your work—your writing—is neither good nor bad. There’s no such thing. There’s only YOUR writing; your unique, beautiful words that I LOVE more than anything, that only YOU speak. We all speak a different dialect and flow through our storytelling. And it’s a beautiful, wholesome thing. It always has been. It should never be this detrimental stage Tumblr has made for content creators. Let’s be honest: Tumblr is not the ideal place to thrive. And I’m just... sick of it.

I’m beyond an exhausted state. I can’t remember that last time I wasn’t. (I know everyone is, with the ebb and flow of our world’s daily uncertainties during these unprecedented times). But for me, personally, it’s getting increasingly harder to keep up with the reblogs and comments and blogs of all the stories I love, while updating my work and trying to interact on my blog, while battling my health and nonexistent energy, and constantly be exposed to the “Tumblr Tumbles”, as I call it—the overbearing popularity and the waiting and the wondering and the silent seething because of it. It’s just too much. And it doesn’t take a detective to pick up on that attitudinal shift around here. It’s all just one big, pernicious cycle. And seeing that here nearly every day, exhausts me. I don’t know how else to convey as much. But I just can’t do it. And honestly, I get this overwhelming loneliness just being here.

I don’t know what I’m trying to say. I’m going to continue doing my thing until my engine sputters out. I’m going to keep up with storytelling, because I love it more than anything. I just needed to get this off my chest. I’m just rambling. I might delete this but, I might not. Who knows.

I just... Geez. I need to know that I’m not just shouting into the void over here like always.

Communication to me is key. If you don’t want me to tag you anymore: tell me. If you don’t want me to message you: tell me. Please. Just don’t like me? Cool. Tell me. It’s better to know and communicate than to walk on eggshells around everyone and everything. I’ve applied that flawed strategy throughout my whole life and I strongly dislike doing so. It adds no benefit to either party. Just be honest with yourself and others. That’s always super important.

For those of you, my handful of regulars who are around... you know who you are. Thank you. My thanks is but a meager conveyance of my undying gratitude for you. But I want you to know how much I appreciate your presence here. Words cannot express.

@halzore... You are a real mate. You are an incredible being who is not only insightful but, a true muse here. I look to you as more than just a devoted Reader of mine, and you should know that I would NOT have gotten this far with my Bad Batch Post Order: 66 series—or any of my Bad Batch works, for that matter—without your encouraging words. Holy cow. You’re a dearest friend. Your writing, art, and musical talent leaves me in awe. (A truly brilliant mind, please go love her y’all). Thank you for seeing all the good, little things in me and my work. It makes this all worth it. You make it all worth it. I get really overwhelmed thinking about it. But I just want you to know I appreciate you so much.

To anyone who’s ever left me kind, encouraging, and wonderful comments... I remember them. I do. I think of them when I’m down, and I think of them now as I write this—which is in my dispirited state, ironically. But I appreciate it. I think it is so SO important to lift each other up with words. You don’t have to reblog and all that (only speaking for myself here). Just take a moment to say something kind to someone. It makes someone’s entire day, week, month, year. Please... love other Writers. Love yourself. We all struggle. But let’s do it together. Let’s be there for each other.

Come talk to me. I don’t bite, I promise. Tell me about your day. Tell me something about yourself. I care. I love that interaction, because you are MORE than just a Reader to me. You are a valued human being with feelings, desires, wants, needs... come share that with me. If there’s something you’d like to see in my future works, something that would engage you more; please, come tell me.

I’m going to try and get better. At writing, at navigating this strange place, with my health, with life. I’ve been at my breaking point for so long that my barely held together pieces and exposed, worn chinks are almost uneffected and unresponsive to any help or healing. But I’m going to try.

Thank you for being here. I’m sure it can be hard to have patience with me and my nonexistent uploading schedule, but, I do have several wips in the works (teases in my masterlist in case you’re wondering). They’ll come around. :’)

Keep your head up and shining, lovelies. And I’ll try to do the same.

#psa #lil speaks #I’m... sorry.#I have a ton of anxiety posting this but I’m also almost indifferent.#could I have worked on my WIPS instead of this?#yes #did I? no.#yes this is long but I needed to say all that.#I’m tired.#trying not to explode.#it’s a lil thing

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chickensarentcheap · 4 years

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Future Tyler/Husband Tyler/Daddy Tyler. PART 1

Okay...so here it goes...

I’m working on a multichapter thing. It be won’t be a finished and polished product for a while and I’m writing it in chunks. It basically will flash back to the past, include the present (movie time line), and the future. I can’t guarantee he will always be happy Tyler and husband Tyler and daddy Tyler and his ending will be one percent rainbows and unicorns, but damn it, the guy deserves a good ending of some kind! He is too good to be taken out by that little shit!

So here is a stitch of my Tyler Rake universe. In the future. About a year following the events in Extraction. The OC does a have a name but I am not revealing it until I post present (movie line) chapters.

However, I do need your guys help!

I need suggestions for a baby girl name. First and second. That sounds really good with the last name Rake. I’m counting on y’all lol

Comment if you want. Message me too. I love meeting new people and chatting about fics and anything else your heart desires!

I hope you enjoy :)

Oh! And I said I would tag @c-a-v-a-l-r-y (who honestly really encouraged me to post and do happy husband/daddy Tyler) and @alievans007

It's been just shy of twelve months and his instincts are still keen; nerves rash and fresh, body and mind always on high alert. The proof to the old adage that old habits really do die hard.

A journey to the very brink of death. Weeks of lying in a hospital bed teetering on the threshold of this life and the next. Countless agonizing hours of rehab and physical therapy just to relearn the basics and get back onto his weary and battered feet. Once he was home nothing had been able to slow him down. He threw everything he had into healing. Every ounce of mind, body, and spirit. Pushing himself past the warnings and the limits that the doctors and specialists had set for him. Ignoring the advice on not to push himself too hard, too fast. He felt as if he didn't have a choice. He no longer just had himself to take care. But another human being with one on the way that needed him to take care of them. Provide for them. Protect them. So he had pushed himself to the brink of both exhaustion and physical and emotional collapse. Eventually finding himself back at at the gym and packing on the weight and muscle. Anxious for some semblance of the man he used to be.

He hears the soft rustle of blankets though the monitor on the nightstand and his eyes immediately snap open. Sleep was a strange beast for him these days; nights where he could fall into a peaceful slumber and stay there until sunlight was streaming through the window, others where the pain was all encompassing and nauseating and he couldn't get comfortable, and those where he was haunted by the demons of his past. The latter didn't come nearly as often as they did. He'd managed to find some hint of internal peace with the things he had done and witnessed. Once in a while he'd find himself back on that bridge. Assaulted by the smells of gun powder and lead. The acrid taste of blood on his lips. And he'd hear his voice and feel her hands; the way she cradled his face in them, the way she'd pulled his nearly lifeless body tight against her, feel those tears that feel on his skin. Thankfully he'd awaken and quickly discover that he was in the safety and comfort of his own home. His own bed. And he'd watch her as she slept; the way the moonlight painted her smooth skin in an ethereal glow, the slight smile that tugged at the corners of her mouth. He'd watch her and listen to her breathe and he'd remind himself of just how far he had come. Gratitude spreading through him like a slow burning fire. Thankful for the second chance that he'd been given. For the love that he'd found during one of the darkest and most difficult periods of his life. She'd given him a reason. A purpose. And he wasn't going to take that for granted.

He groans as he rolls over onto his back. The pain isn't as bad tonight. There were times he could barely even move. Where the agony made him dizzy and nauseous and even the simplest of tasks seemed impossible to preform. Tonight it's a dull ache; a nagging pain that has settled deep into his bones and his joints but he has learned to deal with. Placing his hands behind his head, he waits and listens. The lights from the monitor dancing across the ceiling as life stirs in the room across the hall. He's gotten used to it; the little noises, the soft sighs, the slight fussing before she settles herself back to sleep. It wasn't his first rodeo after all; not his first foray into fatherhood. But it is the first time he's been able to be more hands on. Put his be all and end all into the nurturing. And this time he knows he will get it right. He's determined to make amends for the mistakes of his past. Moving on didn't mean forgetting. It didn't mean that the love and regret and the guilt weren't still there, lingering just under the surface. Sometimes the greatest homage to the dead was how the living continued. How they made up for the bad decisions they made and how those decisions had...in the end...helped shape them into a better person.

The sounds through the monitor continue and he sits up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed and giving his body and brain time to adjust to full consciousness. Running his hands through his hair and over his tired face, fingers brushing against the various scars that serve as a lasting memory of his former life. A pair of sweats sit in a discarded pile by the bed and he reaches for them; softly muttering profanities at the various cracks and pops that his body makes at the simple task of pulling on his pants. Scar tissue, arthritis, remnants of shrapnel and bullets that couldn't safely be removed. All working together to be a complete pain in his ass. His wife moves behind him. Sighing loudly and contently as she rolls over onto her side. Not waking as her hand instinctively reaching out for him; finger tips brushing against his back just as he stands up.

He is out the door and in the hall before the first shrill cry erupts. Yawning and stretching noisily as he steps into the nursery. A cheerful room with soft yellow walls, pink, white, and purple stripped curtains and natural wood furniture. Teddy bears and dolls staring down at him from the perches on the shelves on the wall, accompanied by framed photos of baby animals and Disney characters. He'd never pictured himself a 'girl dad'; frilly dresses and the tiny socks with the lace around the ankles, and the little headbands that served no other purpose than being cute. He was rough and tumble. Always had been, even from an early age. So when he'd found out he was having a daughter he'd been terrified. He didn't know the first thing about taking care of little girls and doing their hair and healing their broken hearts. And for the first time in his life was actually scared of something. Or someone. A being that hadn't even been born yet but was already making a huge impact on his life.

“You'll be fine,” his wife had assured him when he'd expressed his concern. Watching from the couch as she stood at the kitchen table folding laundry. Including a newly purchased outfit and those tiny teeny socks that she had purchased just hours ago. She was so beautiful. Standing there with that chestnut hair tumbling down to her waist, her belly swollen with their child. HIS child. A child that had been conceived in the midst of all the chaos and uncertainty. “You've ridden this particular bike before,” she'd reminded him. “This isn't your first time going through this.”

“That was different. That was a boy. This is a girl. This is dresses and pig tails and tea parties and make up and other boys.”

“Tyler, that's years down the road. You can't worry about that stuff. Make up and boys? You can't dwell on what she's going to be like when she's a teenager.”

“I sure bloody well can. Because knowing my luck she'll end up just like her mother. Full of piss and vinegar and all kinds of trouble.”

“You always did know how to get yourself into heaps of it,” she'd smirked, and tossed a pair of balled up socks in his direction, just missing his head. “But you always managed to get yourself out of it too.”

“I knew you were trouble from the very second I met you, you know,” he'd said, as he got off the couch and wandered over to where she was so diligently working. Liking the way that simple white gold wedding band looked on her finger. He still hadn't gotten used to; it had only been a few months and even with that life growing in her belly, they were still very much enjoying being newlyweds. He liked it. Being a husband. He liked the simplicity and the comforts that came with the little things that took up their new life. Household chores and preparing meals and sharing a bed with the same warm body and beautiful face each and every day. Mundane to some. A welcome change and relief to him.

“I wasn't the one with the reputation for being difficult,” she'd reminded him. “I wasn't the one who was like a bear with a sole asshole even on his best days.”

“Yet here you are. Playing house with me. A good little wife. Giving me babies. So I must have done something right, huh?” he'd playfully nudged her with his elbow. “You stuck around. Through thick or thin. I put you through a lot of shit and agony and here you are. Here WE are.”

“You can't get rid of me that easily, Tyler Rake. You think you would have realized that by now.”

“Getting rid of you is the last thing I ever want.”

They'd stood in companionable silence; working quickly and efficiently together. Little boring tasks that they almost never got to experience. He'd never take things like that for granted again. And he'd grabbed a pair of her underwear from the fresh pile and hooking them around his finger, grinned as he swung them around.

“How'd we ever graduate to these, huh? These are not what I remember you wearing. You weren't wearing any the first time we...well...you know...”

“You're such a pig,” she'd grumbled, and tried to snatch them away. Frowning when he held them high above his head. Not an easy reach for a woman that only stood five foot three. “What is wrong with you? Seriously.”

“I thought you were trouble the second I met you. The way you shook my hand. The way you smiled at me. But I knew it for sure when I had you pinned against that wall and I put my hand down your shorts and realized that you weren't any underwear. Remember that? That first time? I knew I was in trouble but I didn't want to stop. I couldn't stop. I was surprised you were such a kinky little thing.”

“You've got issues. What is your major malfunction?”

“Nothing wrong with a little visit to the past. Especially when it involves being naked.”

“Would you stop?” she'd perched herself on her tip toes and frantically tried to grab the offending piece of clothing from his grasp. “What's gotten into you?”

“It's what hasn't gotten into you in a while,” he'd retorted, laughing when she'd directed a slap to his gut, his arms circling her waist when she'd lost her balance and tumbled into him. And they'd stood like that; her head against his chest, his eyes closed and his chin resting on the top of her head. Loving all those things about her that had become so familiar and comforting to him. The lingering scent of coconut shampoo that clung to her hair, the feel of her heart beating against him, those small and soft hands stroking up and down his back. This woman...the one that had seen him at his most fragile...who he owed his life to.

Her hands were on the back of his shoulders when she'd pulled away and looked up at him. Her eyes sparkling as she smiled. A smile he had once thought he'd never see again.

“I love you,” he'd told her. Three words that he had always hesitated on uttering before but now couldn't say enough. If Gaspar was still around he'd call him soft. Tell him he was whipped and a pussy and needed to get his balls back. But he wasn't around anymore.

A lot of people weren't.

“I know,” she'd said. “But not nearly as much as I love you.”

“Hey, this isn't a competition. And if it was, I'd win. I always do.”

“You have a very overinflated sense of yourself,” she'd chided.

He was her rock. He knew that. Even when he was still recovering and he was nothing more than a mere fraction of the man he once was. Even when she had to help nurse him back to health and he'd had to trust her completely with even the mundane things like feeding himself and brushing his teeth. But she'd stuck by him. Even when he felt humiliated that he even needed help with such things. Embarrassed that she was seeing him so vulnerable. Allowing her to see his tears of anger, frustration, and pain. She'd always said that he was the only one that made her feel safe and secure. Protected. Even when he wasn't at his best.

“Shit...” she'd grimaced when the baby had kicked her especially hard. Eyes closing and her forehead falling onto his chest.

“Even I felt that one,” he'd move one hand from her waist to her ever growing stomach. Marvelling at the way he could feel their baby...his baby...moving inside of her. It may not have been his first time. Not his first child. But he was determined to enjoy every second of it and not take a single moment for granted. “See what I mean? Trouble just like her mom. Feisty as all hell. A boy wouldn't cause this many issues.”

“Boys come with a whole shit load of issues. After all, it was a boy that got me into this situation in the first place.”

“Come on now, I wasn't the only one that was having all the fun. You seemed to be enjoying yourself too. I didn't make this baby all on my own, you know.”

“It was fun,” she'd admitted. “It always is.”

“Yeah. It most definitely is.”

One of her hands came down to rest on top of his and they stood there together, feeling their child moving inside of her. Marvelling at all the kicks and wriggles. At the miracle that they had created. All because two people fell in love during the entirely wrong time and in the entirely wrong place.

“You need to take it easy there, sweetheart,” he'd spoken to his daughter, his hand moving in slow, comforting circles. “Go easy on your mum, okay? Daddy's already put her through enough to last a lifetime.”

“She listens to you already. She likes your voice.”

“Already takes after her mother. Isn't that one of the first things you said you liked about me? My voice?”

“It does funny things to my insides. Even now.”

“I like doing funny things to your insides,” he'd dropped a kiss on the top of her head and she'd looked up at him once again.

“I think we should go to bed.”

“It's only eight thirty.”

“I don't mean to sleep. I mean to do other things. Fun things. Things that help you sleep better.”

A slow grin had spread across his face.

He didn't need to be told twice.

#Tyler Rake #tyler rake fan fiction #tyler rake fan fic

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theoeclipse · 4 years

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Baby’s First Words

Hi everyone! This is my submission for the 2020 She-Ra Fluff Bang! It’s a little fluffy story of Catra being a good mum, Finn saying their first words, Catra being an emotional good mum, and later on Adora also being an emotional good mum.

Really I just wanted cute fluffy parental Catradora raising their baby together.

Please check out @jujufire ‘s art they did for this fic, it’s too adorable!!

You can also read it on AO3 if you prefer.

~~~~~

Catra let out a loud gasp, her eyes wide with horror as she held a hand to her chest, gripping frantically at her shirt while stumbling forward several steps before collapsing to her knees.

“Argh! No! The mighty mountain troll got me! I've been hit, argghhh!” She continued to claw at her chest dramatically, flailing her arms outwards and flipping her ponytail back. “If only there was someone who could save me, and take down the monster that's been eating all of the villagers!”

A high pitched giggle resonated from her left and she snapped her eyes to look at the little bundle of fur sitting on a plus pillow and watching her with sparkling eyes the shade of the bluest sky.

Inhaling sharply she slapped her hands to her cheeks, her lips trembling as her eyes filled with wonder. “Could it be? The Mighty Finn of legends?? Mythological warrior knight who once fought off the savage Horde all by themselves with only a stick and their loyal steed?!”

Finn giggled again as Catra scooted quickly over to them, scooping the little child up in her arms and lifting them up into the air triumphantly.

“Yes! It is I, the mighty Finn! Fear not Lady Catra for I will save you and slay this foul beast!” Catra did her best to put on a goofy and heroic voice, pretending it was Finn talking before bounding forwards and letting loose a cacophony of fake fighting sounds.

Holding Finn's little arms she acted out an entire scene of punches and wild swings, even a few roundhouse kicks, before finally shouting triumphantly in her best fake Finn voice.

“Ahah! The monster is slain and your village is now safe, Lady Catra!”

Clearing her voice, she placed the exuberantly laughing baby down on the ground before clasping both her hands together and looking ever much like a starstruck Princess.

“Mighty Finn! Thank you so much, you've saved our town and our people, we will be forever in your debt!”

Little Finn was now clapping their tiny little hands against their thighs, their high pitched giggles only making Catra break out into a smile that nobody could have wiped off her face if they'd tried. She couldn't help the musical laugh that escaped her as she scooted over and picked Finn up again, shucking them up so that they were sitting in the little nook just above her hip bone.

Still smiling, she pressed several little pecks all across Finn's forehead, cheeks and nose. This only made the child coo with delight, letting loose a tiny little high pitched purr as they nestled closer to her chest. A matching purr started to resonate from her own chest as she carefully ran her fingers through Finn's slowly growing mane of golden blonde hair. Just like their mother's.

With a warm sigh escaping her lips, she allowed herself a few more moments of mother-child bonding and snuggling before getting up and making for the kitchen, still holding Finn snug against her waist.

“Now what do you say to a snack after such a hard fought battle, mighty Finn?” Catra teased, gently booping the kitten on their nose and receiving a squeal of delight in reply. She grinned, pressing another kiss to Finn’s forehead.

Their place wasn't the biggest of houses, but that was plenty fine by her. Living in the palace had never really been something she'd been interested in, so when Adora had agreed to have a place built just for them outside the palace grounds at Brightmoon she had been over the moon.

It was warm and cosy, with warm toned walls all throughout except for in Finn's nursery- sky-blue walls that Catra loved because they reminded her of the eyes of the two things most precious to her- her wife and their child. The beds were softer than the bunks they had in the Fright Zone but firmer than the ridiculous pillow beds the Brightmoon palace seemed so fond of.

Their kitchen was roomy enough to get around with polished wood benchtops and an island in the middle where her and Adora had spent many nights learning to cook together while drinking far too much wine.

She made her way to the fridge and pulled out one of the snack containers of pureed fruit and vegetables that Finn had become fond of lately, popping it into a machine that Entrapta had called a 'Micro Radio Frequency Particle Excitement Box' that after 30 seconds had warmed the food to just above lukewarm temperature.

“Ohh Finny, lookit what Mama's got for you!” Catra spoke with mild excitement, carrying both the child and the food over to their high chair at the dining table.

Finn squealed with excitement as she put the food down on their little table and carefully lowered them down into their chair.

“Baba! Abbub..” Finn started to babble as they often did around food, and toys, and their mother. Catra grinned to herself. She'd likely never get these two to shut up once Finn was capable of holding a conversation.

She retrieved a spoon from a kitchen drawer and quickly returned, pulling up a chair beside Finn's high chair and carefully beginning to scoop a spoonful of orange coloured puree up. Watching her child's face light up in excitement she was overwhelmed with pure happiness as their mouth opened expectantly.

“Look Finny, here comes the flying horse!” She proceeded to make whooshing and zooming noises, flying the spoon around in criss-crossing directions before bee-lining for Finn's mouth. The kid hummed happily as they chowed down on their snack, bright blue eyes looking up at her with awe and joy. So much so that it almost made her chest ache.

“That good Finn?” She asked, plopping another mouthful in and laughing softly as they clapped their hands together. They definitely got the food excitement from their mother too.

Looking up at the clock on the wall, Catra sighed. It was still only the early afternoon, and Adora likely wouldn’t be home until after it got dark. While Catra had gotten a lot better these days at spending time apart from her wife, there was still always a part of her that deeply yearned and ached whenever they had to be away from each other, even if it was only for a few hours. And of course she had their child to look after, their beautiful little blonde haired, blue eyed kitten that a special place in her heart now beat solely for.

Speaking of said kitten, Finn had finished up their snack and was now babbling happily, bits of puree smudged in a few spots around their mouth. Catra smiled softly and went to retrieve a cloth, dampening it first before returning to clean up Finn’s face. They wriggled a little restlessly, letting out a soft cry as the cloth was swiped over their mouth, chin and cheeks.

“Stop fussing, trust me you don’t want this stuff dried up in your fur,” she furrowed her brows, inspecting their face closely before dabbing a few more times. “I guarantee that will be more of struggle for both of us and I’ll probably end up having to get the razor out.”

Finn let out a soft noise of annoyance as the last of the food was removed, Catra putting the cloth to the side before letting out a long dad-noise grunt while picking up the now slightly heavier Finn and shifting them up to her chest. She began the after-meal ritual of gently clicking her tongue while bouncing the kitten and patting their back, swaying a little from side to side before making her way back to the living area where some of Finn’s toys were strewn about.

On the way there she passed by a photograph of her and Adora only a few months after Finn had been born on a day trip to the Whispering Woods for a picnic. They were seated on a blanket, Catra’s arm wrapped around Adora’s shoulders as they both looked down at their baby who was swaddled and held securely in Adora’s arms.

A smile crept onto Catra’s face, her hand still patting away at Finn’s back. Reaching out she let the rough of her thumb rest against the glass protecting Adora’s radiant face, as though hoping that somehow her wife would feel the gesture of affection through a photograph and from miles away. She knew it was important for Adora to attend to her Princess duties- to her She-Ra duties- but it didn’t make her miss her while she was away any less.

Still, maybe when Finn was older or they could convince Glimmer and Bow to babysit then she could attend a few of these political and beneficial-for-the-people outings.

It was as she was pondering the future and missing her other half that Finn finally let loose a series of small burps, followed by a little coo as though they were happy with their achievement. Catra chuckled.

“Good job little one, almost gave Adora a run for her money.”

Giving the photo one last glance, she continued on to the living room. She set Finn down on their soft cotton playmat, covered with colourful patterns and embossed animals. There was a criss-crossed arch over the top of the playmat that had a few stars and moons dangling from it- one of them even had a pull cord that made it start playing a soft lullaby tune that always seemed to calm down Finn when they were having a tantrum or wouldn’t settle for a nap.

She retrieved a few plush toys from where they lay strewn about and handed a large pink teddy to Finn, setting down the others nearby in case they decided they were in the mood for something else. Catra reached for her video-pad lying nearby on the couch and settled herself in to unwind and find something to watch.

“Alright Finn, Mama’s gonna find us something fun to watch until dinner time. Sound good?”

She peered over at her kitten, smiling when she saw vibrant sky-blue eyes peering back up at her, one little hand raising up and flailing in her direction. Reaching out she took the hand, leaning all the way down and peppering a few kisses to the furry back of it. “Mama’s here baby.”

“Amma… ahh..” Finn started to babble, Catra looking up with a crinkle in her brow, fondness welling in her chest. The little kitten seemed to have a personal dilemma, their little face squinting in concentration. “Ahm… Mama!”

Catra froze. Oh no. Oh no no. Oh, it wasn’t supposed to happen like this. This… Adora was supposed to be here, they should have been together, Finn should have been speaking their first words for them both and now-

Oh, but Finn was looking up at her so, so adoringly. Those big eyes so full of light and joy and everything that was right and good with the world. And it was her child. Just as much as it was Adora’s. Finn was a part of both of them. And now here she was, sitting there staring like a stunned mullet as she realised that this was real, and this was good, and this was happening to her. She had a child with the woman who’d she’d loved since she had been a child herself, the most perfect and amazing woman in the world.

Catra was a mother. A proud mother. A soft mother, and she hoped- a good mother. She tried every single day when she woke up and kissed Adora on the cheek and then kissed Finn on the forehead to be the very best mother. The mother that she and Adora never had.

There was a sharp burning sensation prickling at her eyes and she was vaguely aware of a tickling feeling as tears had started to carve a path down her cheekbones. Finn was still staring at her with absolute adoration, and she took a deep but shaky breath before scooping the child up in her arms and holding them close to her chest.

Finn let out a musical giggle, patting at her arms. “Mama!”

Letting out a soft laugh, Catra snuggled them tighter. She inhaled the smell of their blonde mane, her breath tickling their little ears and making them twitch. There was something so comforting about that ‘new-baby’ smell, even though Finn technically wasn’t that young anymore. She even found herself purring with pure joy, letting a few more tears fall from her eyes and hoping they didn’t get moisture all over Finn’s jumpsuit.

“I love you so much little bub.” Her voice came out just above a whisper, giving Finn one last squeeze before resigning herself to put them down in her lap before they started to get irritable with their Mum cramping their style.

Placing them in her lap, she grabbed the video-pad once more and flicked through a few things before finally deciding on a cute cartoon about horses and penguins for them to watch together. This seemed to please Finn, who let out a small whine of excitement while trying to reach out and ‘pat’ the horsey on the screen.

Catra just chuckled and ensured she was holding it far enough away that they couldn’t reach.

Eventually it started to get dark. Catra made the rounds about the house, tidying up Finn’s toys and making sure the dishes were clean in the kitchen. She warmed up some dinner for herself after feeding Finn and then putting them down in their crib for the night. She’d just finished putting away some laundry in their bedroom when she heard a soft rattle and the creak of the front door cautiously opening.

Her nose twitched and a smile crept onto her face as she caught a whiff of Adora’s scent- light and musky, with tones of vanilla and amber and a little bit of sandalwood. Making her way from the bedroom she opted for the less subtle approach, heading straight for her wife as she was shutting the front door and wrapping her up in a crushing hug.

“Mm! Catra, hey!” Adora greeted her warmly, easily melting into the embrace and wrapping her arms around her slender waist.

Catra buried her face in Adora’s neck, a few stray strands of blonde hair tickling her nose but she didn’t care. “I mimthed myo.”

Adora chuckled, running her hands down Catra’s side and tilting her head just so. “Sorry what was that? Can you repeat it I think I’m losing my hearing.”

Grunting softly Catra pulled away, still smiling as she met her wife’s eyes. “I said-” she punctuated it with a soft kiss. “I missed you.” Another kiss. “You big dummy.”

“I missed you too, babe.” Adora replied, more than happy to return the kiss, wearing her own matching dorky smile.

A few seconds later Catra returned to their original position, burying her head again and holding onto Adora as though her life depended on it. While more than happy to return the embrace, Adora smoothed her hands along Catra’s back in a calming motion for a few moments before speaking.

“Everything okay?”

Catra went still, letting out a long breath before slowly easing herself back from Adora; just a little bit.

“Yeah I’m fine it’s just that-” Catra paused, looking away as colour made its way to her cheeks and she felt a lump starting to form in her throat. “Finn…. said their first word today.”

She bit her lip as she gained the courage to look back, hoping that Adora wouldn’t be sad or disappointed that she wasn’t there, but all she found was glowing blue eyes and a radiant grin that could have threatened to crack Adora’s giant head in half if she wasn’t careful.

“Really??”

Laughing softly Catra took Adora’s hands, grasping onto them like a lifeline and running her thumbs over her knuckles. “Yeah. You’re… not upset you weren’t there?”

Adora’s eyes flitted between her two different coloured ones, eyebrows furrowing in confusion before she let out a dry laugh. “Catra, why would I be upset?”

“I don’t know! I just thought- Ugh, I don’t know I just wished you’d been there and I guess I just felt bad that you didn’t get to hear it with me.”

She’d started to avert her gaze, her cheeks getting warmer as she rambled but she found two strong hands cupping her head and bringing her back to look up at her wife. Adora was smiling at her, her eyes soft and loving as they always were and it made her heart burst with joy. Damnit, those tears were probably going to make a reappearance.

“Catra I love you, and I love Finn. We’re parents together, and I’m going to get to be there for so many of Finn’s other firsts. I’m just glad you got to be there for it even though I couldn’t be.”

A tear slid down her cheek but Adora’s thumb reached up and swiped it away. Sniffling to herself, she rolled her eyes and pulled her big dumb wife in again for another hug. “You’re such a sap.”

Adora laughed, a lilting and musical sound that made Catra’s heart beat a step quicker than it had been. “Oh yeah, pfftt totally.” They hugged for a few moments before Adora interrupted it again. “So, what did Finn say?”

Oh, yeah. That’s right.

Catra looked up, still very much enveloped in Adora’s arms but just far enough away that she could meet her gaze.

“Mama. Finn called me Mama.”

Now Adora looked like she was going to cry, her eyes bright and wobbling with unshed tears as she held her gaze. “Please don’t cry. You’re going to make me cry again!”

“But, you’re Finn’s Mama! And they called you Mama! That’s just… just so…” Adora’s lip did that little thing it did right before she started crying from happiness, that little quiver that every time was equal parts adorable and heart-crushing. Catra felt her tears coming yet again.

Adora sniffed as tears of happiness started to roll down her cheeks. Catra whined softly, unable to stop herself as her own tears came again. She hid her face in the collar of Adora’s grey jacket, unabashedly wiping her face there and letting the fabric absorb them.

“Catra I’m so glad we’re parents together.”

Catra nodded, wiping more tears away. “I know, we’re the best Mums in all of Etheria.”

“More like in the whole Universe.”

They both laughed then, a warm, rich sound that they shared together as they rocked back and forth in each other's arms. “You’re such a dork.”

Adora laughed, pressing a kiss to her temple. “Yeah I know.” She paused, humming softly. “Catra?”

“Hmm?” Catra was purring, her tears finally slowing as she rubbed her face into Adora’s neck. She couldn’t help it, she just smelled so damn good and it was always comforting to hide her face there.

“I’m hungry.”

There was a pause before Catra let out a chuckle, placing a kiss at Adora’s jawline before pulling away. She took her by the hand, tugging her in the direction of the kitchen.

“Come on hot stuff, I’ll heat up dinner for you.”

That night when Finn woke up fussing for a snack, they got up together, huddled close just the three of them as Adora fed them. She was about to finish putting the last spoonful of pureed peas and potatoes in their mouth as little Finn looked up at her, smiling brightly and giggling playfully.

Reaching up the kitten patted Adora on the cheek, cooing softly.

“Mumum!”

If Catra had thought that her ugly, emotional crying earlier had been absolutely terrible and embarrassing then she truly no longer had anything to fear. It seemed Adora’s ugly, emotional crying won out in terms of dramatic points.

That night she may have spent a good two hours just cuddling with both her wife and child until Adora had eventually calmed down enough to put Finn back to bed in their crib. Adora had snuggled up to her and rambled to her until she was high from lack of sleep in the early hours of the morning, talking about all her greatest fears about being a good parent- being a good mother- all of the fears instilled in her from their childhood with Shadow Weaver.

All the same fears Catra had.

But now she saw those same fears reflected in Adora; Adora the wonderful, the strong, the brave, the kind, the most amazing woman and mother that Catra had ever known. Well, she realised that maybe together they really would be the best parents that Finn could have.

As Adora began to snore from where she lay sprawled against Catra's chest, she wondered to herself, fingers gently playing through golden locks of hair.

“I think I wanna have more kids.”

Her wife snored. Catra smiled.

She would tell her when she was awake. Eventually.

#she-ra fluff bang #she-ra fluff bang 2020 #fluff #writing #fic #fiction #my writing #femslash #F/F #catradora #shera #catra #adora #finn

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udunie · 4 years

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Okay, you guys, here’s the part of the Gerard fic that I love (it goes on to a sex scene that I don’t like, cause it doesn’t seem to fit the tone of this part)

Warning for: prostitution, drug abuse, addiction, generally heavy themes

Also, this is basically not edited or betaed at this point, I just want to pick your brains about how to go on with this, cause I feel like ‘monster cock and fake tits’ isn’t the way to go... Please let me know what you think :D

ETA: wow love it when tumblr fucks shit up, anyway, fixed now lol

***

Stiles was just a month or two over eighteen when his dad died. He didn’t like to think about it. Or all the things that happened after. It was like whatever self control he ever had was buried with his dad, leaving him destined to make one bad decision after the other.

Stiles just wanted to forget. Preferably everything; not going to college, not being able to pay his dad’s medical bills, being forced to sell the house, living in his jeep and turning tricks on occasion to survive… He just wanted to escape it all.

First there was the drinking and the weed, and when those were not enough anymore to get him through the day, he tried other things… ecstasy, cocaine, whatever. With his ADHD, drugs didn’t always work as they were supposed to. Sometimes a little too well, sometimes not at all, or in ways he didn’t enjoy. Nothing really stuck.

It was exactly on his nineteenth birthday when he met Kate.

“Want to try something new?” she asked, slithering up to him in the club. Stiles saw her around before, he knew she was selling something, though never really checked to see what. Lately he didn’t have the cash to get anything serious. “You look like you could use a little pick-me-up. You’re cute, so I’ll let you have one on the house.”

Stiles was a bit drunk and a bit high and very stupid.

“Wha’s it?” he asked, voice slurring a bit.

“Silver Bullet,” she said, holding up a pill. It reflected the strobe lights weirdly. “It will shoot all your troubles dead, baby. That’s a guarantee.”

Stiles popped it into his mouth without hesitation, chasing the bitter taste down with the vodka tonic he managed to flirt out of someone.

And the rest was history.

***

Silver Bullet wasn’t like anything he ever tried before. For one, it worked; getting him high and happy and horny every fucking time. He wasn’t hungry, he wasn’t tired or cold or lonely when he took it. Everything was fun and easy and sexy. It felt like being in love with every single person around him.

At first, it was easy. Almost too easy. He took a pill and felt like he wanted to make love to the world. He picked up a few johns, had sex that felt way better than it had any right to be and by the time he crashed, he had the money for the next few pills.

Even when he was sleeping, he dreamed about them, about having a whole palmful of those pretty, white pills. Even in his dreams, he could see the tiny, metallic looking particles in them. When he asked about it, Kate said that was the magic and he believed her. Stiles couldn’t imagine going for a day without.

Then Kate raised the price. Then she raised it again. And again. ‘Welcome to the free market, where demand sets the price’ she told him, laughing. He tried to look around for another dealer, but nobody was selling Silver Bullet, they all told him to fuck off if he even just asked about it.

It only took a month for him to start begging her. He sold the jeep, he sold his parents’ wedding rings, he had nothing more to give.

“I will do anything, Kate, please,” Stiles told her. The music was too loud in the club, and the lights too blinding and the shadows too deep. For a second, he thought about just… taking the little tin box of pills he knew she had on her with force, but it was a struggle to even hold himself upright. He was always so tired when he went too long without it.

She leaned back against the wall. Stiles wondered if her smile was always that cruel.

“Hm… Anything?”

“Anything, whatever you want, I will do it,” he said, the words rushing out of him.

“Tell me I’m beautiful,” she said, fluttering her lashes.

Stiles remembered seeing her through the haze of the drug. She’d looked like an ethereal being, like an honest-to-god angel.

“You… you are beautiful, you are the most beautiful woman in the world, I’ve never se-”

“Am I prettier than your mommy was?” she cut in.

She was standing so close, Stiles could almost taste the pill burning his tongue.

“Yes. Yes, you are, so much prettier,” he croaked, mouth dry.

She laughed, loud and harsh.

“Unfortunately, baby, flattery won’t get you anywhere,” she said. Stiles wanted to cry. “This is a family business, you know? What sort of a girl would cut her father’s profits?”

Stiles felt shaky and like he was about to throw up. He must have looked miserable, because Kate gave him a long, calculating look.

“But you know what? I can take you to meet him. Maybe you can dazzle him with your… talents.”

Kate was really the most beautiful woman in the world.

***

He was shaking during the whole car ride. He hadn’t had a high in three days, and he felt like he was about to die. Kate made him lie down, his head on her lap, and she stroked his hair, nails too sharp as they scratched against his scalp. The man driving the car - her brother, Stiles thought - gave him a few disgusted looks in the rearview mirror, but Stiles couldn’t care less.

He was going to meet Kate’s dad and fuck him and get high and everything would be fine.

Kate’s father lived in a huge house surrounded by a park and iron gates. It was like something out of a movie, but he was way too anxious to really appretiate it even as Kate led him inside. There was a double staircase in the entrance hall, and Stiles was told to wait there.

The place was big enough that he thought there should be an army of servants around, but everything was strangely silent. Stiles tried not to stare too much. All he could think about was getting his pills. Or maybe stealing something and pawning it off so he could get cash. But… Kate probably wouldn’t sell to him if he did that, right? It was hard to think with his whole body numb with need.

He spaced out instead, staring into mid distance, imagining how good it will be to get his pill and feel alive again. Stiles had no idea how long he just stood there until he finally heard Kate calling him from the top of the stairs. She sounded annoyed.

“Get your ass up here,” she bit out when she finally had his attention. “You don’t want to get him in a bad mood.”

Stiles didn’t. He ran up to her, not daring to touch the polished railing.

“Fuck, sorry,” he said, but she already turned her back, leading him to a set of tall double-doors.

“Daddy,” she said, pushing them open. She sounded very different than when she was talking to Stiles. “Here he is.”

Kate’s father was an old, old man with short, white hair and a stern face that had Stiles shifting from foot to foot with nerves. He was lounging on a sofa in pajamas and a brocade house coat. His eyes were cold enough to make him shiver where he stood.

“Stiles, this is my father, Gerard. Daddy, this is the boy I’ve told you so much about.”

Stiles doubted that random junkies were a regular topic at the family dinner, but he didn’t say anything. He had a goal in mind, and Gerard didn’t look like he enjoyed people mouthing off.

The old man looked him over, like he was a piece of gum stuck on the sole of his shoe.

“Strip.”

Stiles swallowed, glancing quickly at Kate. She nodded her head at him, smiling in a way that made him second guess himself.

“Go on, baby, try to make a good impression.”

Stiles licked his lips, and got to it. He felt stupid and weird with her watching him undress for her father. Without the warmth of drugs in him, he was acutely aware of how boney and pale and… ugly he was.

When he was finished, he just stood there, eyes glued to a spot over Gerard’s shoulder, wanting to cover himself but knowing that he shouldn’t.

“Don’t you like him, daddy?” Kate asked, sounding like she was pouting, but Stiles didn’t dare look at her again.

“I would have preferred a girl. You know that,” Gerard said. Stiles would have pissed himself if that much disdain was directed at him, but Kate just laughed, her voice sweet and light.

“But I don’t want to have a little sister or brother,” she said, teasing. “Chris is enough of a headache.”

Gerard barked out a laugh, sitting up straight.

“Damned right he is. Fine.” He picked up a shiny, darkwood box from the side table, opening it in his lap. It was lined with dark green velvet and there was an injection needle in it. It looked like it was antique, with little rings at the end of the crossbars. Beside it was a corked vial, filled with something that glittered like mercury, though lighter in color.

“Come here and get on your knees,” Gerard told him, not even glancing at Stiles. He clearly expected to be obeyed.

“I… What… what is that?” Stiles asked, watching him stab the needle through the cork and pulling some of the liquid into the syringe.

Gerard looked at him.

Stiles made the mistake of meeting his gaze.

Suddenly Kate was behind him, her breasts pressing into his naked back.

“That’s the good stuff, baby. That’s the real Silver Bullet right there, the same one you love so much, just a thousand times better,” she whispered in his ear. “And if you want it, you better be a good boy.”

Stiles couldn’t take his eyes off the syringe. Just the mention of the drug made all his cravings rush back tenfold. He wanted it. He wanted to feel it so bad.

He dropped on his knees in front of Gerard without any more hesitation. He didn’t like needles, and he didn’t like him, but he wanted… He needed the high.

Stiles didn’t expect to be backhanded hard enough to make his ears start ringing. There was a dizzying moment when he forgot where he was or why. Gerard grabbed his jaw, his fingers biting into him.

“When I give an order, I expect you to follow, is that understood?” he asked, sneering into his face from up close.

Stiles whined. His right cheek was burning. It would probably bruise… But it wasn’t even close to being the worst thing he ever got just to get high.

The man stared into his eyes for a long moment, maybe waiting for him to put up a fight, but all Stiles wanted was the Silver Bullet.

“Good,” he said finally, patting his face where it hurt. “Open your mouth.”

Stiles did.

Gerard trapped his tongue between his knuckles and pulled it outward and to the side. His fingers tasted salty and a bit bitter.

“This way, it will get right to your head,” he commented, Stiles closed his eyes as he saw the syringe getting closer. He just wanted to be alive again. “Don’t move.”

Gerard injected him at the base of his tongue. There was a sharp bite of pain that made him suck in a breath. He could feel his mouth flood with saliva.

And then…

Stiles remembered how happy he was back when he was just a kid and his mom bought him exploding candy. It was sweet and sour and like he had a little firework going off in his mouth. This was like that, but he could feel it in his head, his skull was filled with exploding candy, popping and popping and throwing sparks of flavors and colors and shapes and smells in every direction, every nerve in his body sizzling and popping and popping… The world was suddenly and inexplicably beautiful.

Everything was so pretty and bright and pleasurable that it almost hurt.

He could feel his hips pumping into the air, body convulsing like it was caught in an orgasm that just didn’t want to end. There were still fingers in his mouth and he moaned, licking and sucking at them eagerly. He felt like he was a flame, radiating pleasure and everything around him reflected it back, just amplifying it even more until he was drowning in light.

***

“What a nasty little slut,” Gerard said, letting the boy kneeling in front of him suckle on his fingers, slurping around his knuckles like he was trying to give the blowjob of his life. His eyes were glazed over and he was twitching almost alarmingly. “It’s been… what? Forty seconds? And he already came twice.”

Kate laughed, leaning against the doorframe.

“You like him, don’t you?” she asked, crossing her arms.

Gerard did, but he didn’t want Kate to know. The girl had to learn to do better, even if she managed to do an adequate job with this one.

“Should have been a girl,” Gerard reminded her, pushing his fingers in as deep as they could go, nudging the boy’s tonsils. He didn’t gag, but his eyes did roll back. Ah, and he was coming. Again. “But I will take it.”

#my fic #gerard fic #give me your thoughts please

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frozenartscapes · 5 years

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Snow and Sunshine - Night

AN: This will be at least a three-parter. I’ve got those three parts completed, anyway. This is arguably the most important fic in this AU, solely because it signifies the start of Elsa’s relationship with her daughter. Anna plays a key role here as Elsa’s main support pillar, using her typical Anna charm to help ease her sister’s mind. I actually had quite a bit of fun writing their banter. Hope you guys enjoy!

---

It had been three weeks since Prince Johannes of the Apline Islands had been tragically lost at sea. The husband to Queen Elsa of Arendelle had been returning to his home nation to finish up some business with his father in person when his ship was caught in a storm, and all on board were taken by the sea. Such were the hazards of sailing in March.

Queen Elsa held a funeral service for her husband in Arendelle. The whole kingdom, along with representatives from neighbouring nations, attended. The people were quick to offer the Queen, who by then was visibly pregnant with the future heir to the throne, their sympathies and condolences. Everyone expected her to be deeply affected by the loss, for losing a loving husband so early into the marriage is a heartbreaking thing.

Except, Elsa had not married Johannes for love. The Apline Islands had been threatened for years by the nations around them and they needed to show that their alliance with one as powerful as Arendelle was more than just something on a piece of paper. Despite their size, they were a wealthy nation and a good ally, but they could not properly defend themselves. Johannes, the third son of the King of the Aplines, was about the same age as Arendelle’s young Queen. And marriage into Arendelle’s royal family would not only be beneficial to him, but it would also guarantee Arendelle’s defensive support should the Aplines ever need it. Arendelle would have another solid alliance with a wealthy, mineral-rich kingdom that currently was fully embracing the industrial revolution and all the innovation that came with it.

And Elsa refused to allow Anna to accept the marriage instead, not when she and Kristoff loved each other so.

Johannes was a nice enough man, but he was pushy. Arrogant, at times. Stubborn, most of the time. Once he got something in his head, it was impossible to change his mind. And as a result, he and Elsa had butted heads quite frequently. In fact, their last argument had been about his fateful trip: Elsa had warned him about the dangers of sailing in the waters off Arendelle’s coast in March, and he refused to believe there was a danger.

It was safe to say that Elsa did not love Johannes. And while she still mourned his loss, it wasn’t in the way people expected her to. She mourned him no differently than she mourned all the men on his ship that night - as lives taken too soon, as young men with families who will never get to see them again, as people who suffered terrifying and agonizing deaths in the icy waters of the North Sea. She did not mourn him as her husband.

And, as she sat at her office desk, unable to focus on her work but instead on her ever-growing belly, she mourned him being around to offer assistance - as limited as it was going to be - with what comes next. With the last few months of pregnancy. With giving birth. With raising the child. Elsa had become increasingly aware that she was in this alone, now. Even if she no longer had a husband, her life could never go back to the way it was. She had a child on the way - a child that never would have existed if she had things her way.

“You’re brooding again.”

Elsa looked up to see Anna at the door. Her sister didn’t need an invitation to come further into the room. “S...sorry, I just...” Elsa said as Anna approached. She trailed off with a heavy sigh, looking down at her abdomen again in defeat.

“Come on,” Anna said, holding out a hand to help her sister up, “Let’s move to the couch where it’s comfier.”

“But I still have work to do,” Elsa protested weakly.

“It can wait,” Anna told her, “Besides, you weren’t doing it when I walked in - that means it was less important than your brooding.”

Elsa shot her sister a look, but wordlessly held out her hand. Anna took it, and with a small grunt, pulled her sister up. “You’re getting heavy,” she commented lightly.

“I’m not getting heavy,” Elsa argued, “The baby is.”

Anna scoffed playfully. “You and your technicalities,” she said with a roll of her eyes.

They headed over to the couch by the fireplace. Once she was sure Elsa was settled, Anna plunked down beside her. They sat in silence for a moment, savouring the warmth from the fire and each other’s company.

Anna was the first to break it: “So… How are you feeling?”

“Like I’ve got a tiny human growing inside of me,” Elsa answered bluntly.

“Speaking of… Are they… Have they moved recently?” Anna asked with curiosity.

Elsa responded by taking her sister’s hand and placing it on her belly. Anna gasped in excitement when she felt a little kick from inside. “They always move around for you,” Elsa told her, “I think they like to hear your voice.”

“Well that’s not a surprise, considering you’re their Mama,” Anna said with a laugh, “Of course they’d be a show-off like you.”

Elsa smiled, but it faded as her gaze fell upon her growing abdomen. She let out a heavy sigh as she absentmindedly placed a hand next to Anna’s.

Anna frowned in concern, taking her hand away to give her sister some space. “How are you really feeling?” she asked again, this time with more seriousness in her tone.

Elsa swallowed hard and blinked back a few tears. “Scared,” she uttered softly.

Anna bit her lip in worry. “I know I’m probably not the best help,” she admitted, “What with me, you know, not being a mother in any way, but… My point is: I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but it’s going to be ok. You’ll be fine, El—”

“Please don’t say it like that!” Elsa interrupted, her eyes screwed shut and her teeth clenched. Frost started to creep along the floor at her feet. “P…Papa said… Before…”

“Sorry!” Anna said quickly, “I’m sorry. I forgot.” She silently kicked herself for the slip up. Elsa had told her once, off-hand, about their parents’ final words to her. It hadn’t meant much to Elsa before, but as her due date grew closer and things just seemed to keep getting worse, those words started to trigger Elsa’s anxiety every time she heard them.

Sighing heavily, Anna tried again: “You’ve got the doctor, and Gerda - who was there for both of our births. And we found the best midwives in the kingdom. Pabbie and Bulda have also given us some good advice, particularly about the possibility of magic being involved. We’ve taken everything into account. You’ve got the kingdom’s support.” She took Elsa’s hand, then, and gave it a firm squeeze. “And you have me. I’m not gonna leave your side. Not now, not when you’re the size of a whale, and not once you give birth to a beautiful baby boy or girl. We’ll get through this together, alright?”

Elsa sniffled and reciprocated the hand squeeze. She then turned, offering Anna a teary smile. “I’m not going to be the size of a whale,” she choked out with a small laugh.

Anna chuckled and gently prodded her sister’s belly. “You’re already pretty big,” she observed, “And you’ve still got a few months to go. Maybe you won’t be a whale but definitely a horse.”

With that, a large ball of soft, powdery snow appeared above Anna’s head and dropped down on top of her with a low whump. Anna leapt off the couch in surprise and struggled to free the snow that had gone down the back of her dress. After taking care of that, she shook the snow out of her hair, and stated lightly: “No fair! I’m not allowed to retaliate against you right now!”

Elsa patted her baby bump with a smug smile. “Can’t risk any sudden surprises or over-exertion,” she said simply.

“You are such a dork,” Anna teased, “Now is it too much to ask you to remove the snow so I can sit down again?”

With a lazy wave of her hand, Elsa cleared the snow away into thin air. Anna sat back down again and made herself comfy. She put extra emphasis on pulling a blanket off the back of the couch and tugging it over herself and her sister. Elsa rolled her eyes at her sister’s dramatics.

After another moment of silence, Elsa asked quietly: “Will I be a good mother?”

Anna shot her sister a disbelieving look. “You’re an amazing sister,” she assured her, “And you’re an incredible Queen. I think it’s safe to say you’ll be the best mother out there.”

“But what if…” Elsa trailed off, her face shadowed by fear and worry.

“Don’t worry about not knowing what to do,” Anna told her, “No one really knows how to be a mother the first time around. At least, that’s what Gerda always says…”

“No, it’s not that… It’s…” Elsa drew a deep breath and released it slowly, struggling to find a way to phrase things in the least heartless way possible. “I didn’t love Johannes,” she said in a low voice, “You know that. I didn’t even cry at his funeral. I couldn’t. I just… What if I feel the same about…”

Anna gulped nervously, eyeing the subject of her sister’s concern. “Elsa,” she began carefully, earnestly, “I say this with the utmost certainty: you have a heart bigger than anyone I know. I know you can’t make people love others, but I know you. You’ll give your child as much love as you do anyone else, at least. But I have a feeling you’ll love them with all your heart and then some.”

Elsa bit her lip in worry, refusing to look at Anna and keeping her eyes fixed on her pregnant belly. “But I don’t…feel that way now,” she admitted in a low voice, hanging her head in shame, “This has been hard, Anna. First there was the morning sickness, and the food cravings, and the sore muscles. I’m tired, more than I ever thought I would be. It’s…it’s weird. I don’t recognize my body anymore. I feel the baby move inside and I don’t feel joy it’s just…discomfort. I never wanted this.”

“Elsa…”

“But it’s not fair,” Elsa continued, clenching both hands into tight fists as frustration entered her voice, “It wasn’t fair to Johannes. I was so cold, distant… I never meant to be I just… I didn’t know how to accept him into my life, especially after how much he had changed it. It wasn’t his fault - not really. He was forced into that marriage just as much as I was. But I just couldn’t… Especially after that night when…” She trailed off. Anna noticed she was trembling, but she couldn’t tell if it was in anger or anxiety. “He was so insistent on having an heir…”

Anna remembered that night, or rather, the following morning. Elsa had been the furthest thing from herself. She wasn’t even like how she had been before. She was just…blank. Expressionless. Emotionless. But it wasn’t like she had been forcing it. The only hint of emotion she gave was a sharp flinch when Johannes touched her shoulder as he came into the dining room for breakfast. Anna had managed to pry it out of her sister after getting her alone, and once told it took Elsa freezing her feet to the floor to keep her from ripping the Prince apart. She had never been more angry with anyone, including Hans, but Elsa insisted it wasn’t as bad as it sounded. She hadn’t wanted to, but she knew where her duty lay. She knew she had to. And after enough of this well-rehearsed spiel, Anna finally could be released from the floor.

A few weeks later was when Elsa found out that she had, in fact, done her duty as a female monarch.

“After what he did, I’d say you were plenty fair,” Anna told her sister with a subtle hint of disdain for the dead.

“Not to him,” Elsa corrected, “I wasn’t fair to him, either but it’s really not fair to…the baby. They really didn’t get a say in any of this. They’re just…a result of what happened. But they’re also going to be a person. A person with feelings and thoughts and needs and wants but what if I can’t see that? What if I only see them as a reminder of what happened? What if they look like him? Or they act like him? What if…I do to them what I did to him? What if I can’t love them?”

“I…don’t know,” Anna replied slowly, “I don’t think this is something that can be easily answered. You might just have to follow your heart.”

Elsa released a heavy sigh. She drew her hands close and looked down at them in an all-too-familiar gesture. “For most of my life, I thought I was worthless, that I didn’t deserve to be loved,” she said softly, her voice trembling slightly, “Yet I knew I was. You, Mama, Papa… I knew you loved me, even if I didn’t show it to you. Even if I still hid from you, pulled away, refused to touch you, look at you, I…I knew. I knew I was worth something to you.

“But what if the opposite happens?” she asked, desperation coming out in her tone, “What if I don’t show the child love? Or they pick up that I don’t? What if they grow up knowing I don’t love them? That no matter what they do or how much love they try to give me they just can’t…”

Anna reached over and worked Elsa’s hands into hers. She shot her a reassuring smile, and said softly, “The fact that you’re worried about this tells me that that won’t happen. I know you’re going through a lot right now and it’s probably a mess of emotions in that head of yours but something tells me that, deep in your heart, you already love your baby. I don’t think they’ll ever wonder if you care about them or not.”

“Anna,” Elsa began tentatively, still not believing her sister’s words.

“In fact, I bet I can prove it,” Anna said with determination. She rested a hand on her sister’s abdomen, and with a gentle pat, said, “What do you think, little one? Do you think your Mama cares about you? Kick once for yes, twice for no.”

“Anna this isn’t going to prove—” Elsa was cut short by a relatively sharp kick to the stomach, enough that she let out a small, involuntary grunt.

“Ha! See?” Anna insisted happily.

“They’ve been kicking me in the stomach for a while now. It was just a coincidence,” Elsa replied in annoyance.

“Fine. How about kick twice for yes, once for no.”

“Anna: a premature baby still a couple of months away from being born is not capable of answering questions, let alone actually understanding the point of said questions in the first place. I doubt it can even hear you clearly enough to—”

Once again, the child growing inside her cut her words short, this time when it clearly kicked against her belly twice before going still once more. Anna, who still had a hand on her stomach, shot her a very smug, victorious smile.

“That was still likely just a coincidence,” Elsa said, although she sounded far less sure of the statement this time.

“Sure it was,” Anna agreed sarcastically, “How about we go for three kicks mean yes?”

“I’d rather not encourage the baby to treat me like a punching bag, thank you,” Elsa stated dryly.

“Ah ha! So you do believe it!”

“No, I just…” Elsa huffed in annoyance and crossed her arms across her chest in defeat. To add insult to injury, the baby kicked again. Three times.

“See?” Anna said, dropping the teasing tone in her voice and adding sincerity, “You have nothing to worry about.”

Elsa glanced down at her belly before levelling her sister a concerned look. “I really hope you’re right,” she said quietly.

Anna’s smile broadened into a very confident, knowing grin. “I usually am about this kind of thing,” she stated simply.

#snow and sunshine au #frozen #fanfic #au ideas

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