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autisticlancemcclain · 8 months

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fic rec friday 37

hello and welcome to fic rec friday! where, on friday, i rec five of my favourite fics.

1. Fade to Black by @yokohogawa

Things between Keith and Lance are changing but Keith is restless, especially with Shiro still weak, and ends up taking a bad decision: he leaves Lance alone in the Castle with a Lion he cannot pilot. Unable to form Voltron without the newly appointed Red Paladin, the four Paladins left struggle against the sudden attack of a Galra ship and later on take damage from the explosion of a star in close proximity. Lance, on the other end, is left to defend the Castle by himself and has little time to succeed: without energy, the Lions have only 6 hours of breathable air. Beyond that point, his friends will be dead.

okay yes technically this series is unfinished. HOWEVER the first two works ARE finished, and they are amazing showstopping incredible etc. tbh im not much of a black paladin lance fan, i genuinely think solo leadership is not what he is suited for, but this fic made me way more open to it. the way he handled severe crises was as fear stricken as it was awe inspiring highly recommend

2. once again i am a child by @lilaclavenders

“You’re not a spare tyre,” Adam interjects. “I know that,” Lance says, too unsure to sound completely defensive. “That almost sounded like a question.” “No... it didn’t,” Lance says.

Lance and Adam talk.

i have always been a fan of lance and adam even tho its the most evidence lacking fanon thing in this fandom. its truly just so interesting. and to have lance as a young cadet getting slammed so badly just in so many different directions being given at least one grownup in his corner...its a good read.

3. Lance the language man by @irish-vampire-blog

Lance didn't really try to learn a language. He just, kind of, picks up the basics and then works from there. Its usually unintentional. Ish.

He isn't stupid though. He isn't an idiot. He just isn't the same kind of smart as his friends are.

this kind of smart for lance is so REAL bc no he cannot do like quantum physics or whatever probably but the way he seems to have a pretty innate ability to successfully do many things that he tries. he just can u know?? thats the autism with the gay audacity i would imagine but i love seeing fics like this

4. my boyfriend's back (and you're gonna get in trouble) by teacupfulofbrains

hey la, hey la, my boyfriend's back

Keith Kogane has never heard of Vine. Lance McClain takes personal offense to this, and makes it his personal mission to teach his boyfriend to meme. Keith is confused, mostly.

(OR: several instances of Keith not getting the meme™ and two times he did)

I LOVE THIS FIC SO BAD I CANT BELIEVE I HAVENT RECCED IT BEFORE. yes i am a cringe zillenial who still finds vine funny and quotes it on the internet but truly idc idc. this fic is funny. this fic is cute. established klance my love and light. also keith comparing lances eyes to the star of bombay is some of the gayest shit ever and also the only time i will entertain blue eyed lance

5. The Most Dangerous Thing is to Love by running_downn

Last time something like this happened to Lance, Keith wasn’t there. He’d thought he would have been able to do something if he had been there, or at least if he was, the guilt wouldn’t be so heavy on his chest. But this time he was there. He was right fucking there and he decided that it was infinitly worse.

Basically there's a new threat after the Galra and it almost kills Lance. Desperate making out ensues, but it's okay to recognize when it's not the right time for it. Keith cries a lot cause he's older and grizzled and therefore not as emotionally stunted.

green sock reality? team still out fighting as adults and lance isn’t a fucking farmer while the rest of the team isn’t? keith’s abandonment issues treated with respect and dignity and also the acknowledgement that he’s older and therefore mature enough to handle those issues in a way that doesn’t risk a relationship that is important to him? lance understanding all this and using the supportive nature he is known for??? yes yes yes. stellar fic that should have way more hits than it does

that’s it for today!! i’ll see y’all back next friday for the next fic rec post!!!

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soldier-poet-king · 4 months

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Ok one last thought abt neglect & emotional abuse from emotionally immature adults and laying the blame when one party is a child

Actually been thinking a lot abt this lately and like when I first started to recover I blamed my parents and mother esp for everything. The blame was entirely on them. Then I grew some more and realized that they're people, awful broken people, and all the harm they caused was born out of their own suffering and the majority of it probably wasn't intentional or malicious (though I'll never really know the truth) and so I can't blame them, and I was a bit of a shithead as a teen so I should've been better and more accommodating and less moody.

But y'know? I was a fuckin teen. That's still a child. And more than that, I was a teen with severe and undiagnosed mental health issues. Like obviously there are times I could've been kinder, or more patient, or less moody. That's just life, what being A Human Person is like. But ultimately I was still a child, I didn't realize it until after 25 when that inexplicable brain thing clicked. Objectively I'm not really any different, but something settled. And it's so much easier to see that I was a child. Maybe I was a people pleasing 'mature for my age' bright child.

But I was a child. And so no matter how shitty and irritating I might have been like. I deserved better? No matter how much my parents were suffering in their mutual antipathy and self centered woes, they were still the adults, they still had the responsibility to not only sort out their shit and themselves and go to fuckin therapy, but also to not take it out on me or make it my problem. The boundaries blurred and I was hurt in ways that cant be fixed and whether or not it was intentionally wished harm on their part doesnt negate the fact that it's still their fault because I was a CHILD

Idk why I'm only realizing this now. Or it I'll truly be able to /believe/ it in a way that lets me stop being so anxious and constantly blaming myself and compulsively trying to fix everything because if I don't and they're mad its my fault and everything is going to go wrong and oh god etc etc etc. idk if I'll ever believe it, truly. But it took me this long to realize and maybe it's just seeing bro3 be 14 and be a huge shithead because, y'know, he's 14, his brain is doing all sorts of weird shit. He'd a KID. And sure he's annoying and I may snap at him sometimes. But I apologize. I make sure he knows he's cared for. Im honest with him when I fuck up. When I do fuck up I don't just let it linger and make it his fault. No he's not my kid so the dynamic isnt fully the same. But he sorta is my kid? And I cannot ever imagine treating him the way I was treated, no matter how terribly I am feeling, how awful my brain is.

#the duality of fran #idk man. just #bored at work and been doing a lot of introspection over the holidays #bc ive been moody and my family has been extra trying #and also bc ive been out of the house aka free. while catsitting #and i dont want this little reprieve to come to an end #its been. such a relief. to be alone #its lonely but my family is not the antidote to loneliness. theyre not. i keep forgetting that #they dont make me less lonely they just make me lonely AND hurt

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lostfracturess · 2 months

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okay i’ve loved s&c since i started reading it but my god…chapter 8 was seriously one of the best things i’ve read and has made me just insanely connected to this story. so pls excuse me if this ask is obnoxiously long i’ve got a lot to say 😭🤚🏼

first off lol i just need to get this off my chest but the SMUT IN THIS CHAPTER…IMMACULATE. I GOT TINGLES im so immune to smut since i’ve read sm of it but oh my godd when he said “fuck i cant hold back any longer. let me fuck you already or i’ll cum in my pants” I HAD BUTTERFLIES IN TWO DIFF PLACES FROM THAT🧍🏻‍♀️…also i like how realistic the sex feels,, like it genuinely reads like two adults in this sort of complicated relationship still desiring one another, mature & sexy yet classy at the same time? bravo seriously (also reader getting the lingerie hehehehrhrh)

the way you built the tension throughout the entire chapter regarding satoru’s super mysterious phone calls and his reluctance to share anything w reader. so wonderfully laced into all of the scenes, there was this sense of dread throughout that simmered even during the fluffy scenes and oof it was a wonderful but torturous feeling haha

speaking of fluff- when he keeps mentioning “love” and now marriage!! pls 😭 it came out of nowhere but i feel like his brazenness to say it so soon makes me believe that he really means it if that makes sense?? :”) one of my fave lines from the chapter was

“he was stating it as a fact, something that was a done deal…he’s simply been waiting for you to catch up.”

that has to be one of the most romantic things i’ve EVER read in my life. a chill legit ran through me haha like if that isn’t love!! 🥲 he knew since the beginning </3

thank you for clarifying the thought process behind reader’s doubts in herself. when she said something about how she wonders if she’s cut out for it…oof i felt that. imposter syndrome is SO damn real, especially in medicine, and my fave moment in the whole chapter is when satoru really steps up in that moment as a mentor and says “taking a break isn’t giving up” <3 i totally understand her push back though, it’s hard to shake insecurities built over years

and my god. satoru’s character. i know that he is so troubled and has made mistakes but my heart legitimately ached for him during that conversation with geto. this was the moment where i was like omg this story is something so special bc you tackle the sensitivity of topics such as drug abuse so fucking well.

i used to work at an emergency department and so often we would get patients rolling in w chief complaints of withdrawal, a LOT of the time young patients in their twenties, and it’s really heartbreaking to see because you can never ever fully understand the pain behind someone’s story or change the past, all you can do is try to help them and make them feel better in the present.

i feel so bad for satoru, seriously fuck sukuna for taking advantage of him like that omg give me two mins in a room w that mf and your story is gonna be missing one of its characters 😅

“walls up before anyone gets close, pushing people away because he’s convinced that deep down, he’s broken.”

siggghhh as someone with an avoidant attachment style i so relate to him. i really hope reader can show him the brighter things in life (i mean she’s definitely someone that makes him want to be a better man which is lovely), i look forward to seeing how he opens up more emotionally in the chapters to come.

im so sorry this is getting so fkn long but i simply cannot pass speaking up ab geto?? what an insanely emotionally intelligent character. the way he acts is so consistent, i looove how he’s recognized that maybe satoru’s relationship w reader, despite the forbidden aspects, is something more than just lust and is something deeper than that :”)

“there is no point, neither in life nor death. but you can either cry about the whole meaningless of the world or try to find meaning to it. to do something that gives meaning to life.”

talk about words that no longer feel like part of a story, but literally jump out of the page (err my phone screen? lol) and have you feel them in the reality of your own life. stunning, your writing is just amazing miss lostfractures

also curious if he got sued cuz he punched that student lol 🤔 or maybe it’s related to malpractice

ugh i’m so sorry this was so fucking long but it’s midnight for me rn and i just had so many thoughts while reading the chap i had to share 😭🤞🏼 thank you sm for this story, it goes without saying that i’m SO excited for more 💕💕💕

okay i have no idea where to start but first THANK YOU SO SO MUCH! i feel insanely grateful for you to take the time to write this message, really!!

i'm smiling and giggling like an idiot rn at work omg.

so so glad you like the SMUT, this is always the worst part to write, so i'm relieved it didn't read cringey and made you feel something (i laughed at your comment about the butterflies in TWO SPOTS omg).

can relate. ngl.

and yes the whole marriage part did came out of nowhere but i guess that's just so him, like he's so clumsy with feelings and don't know what to do with them so he's just really messy but also so adorable with it, idk!!! ahhhh

your reactions to the chapter make me SO SO happy, like really, that's all us writers want to achieve, right? to make the reader feel something. so glad i could stir something within you!! <333

& yes you never know what a person might have experienced in his past to it really comes down to being patient and understanding with people, but yeah satoru surely has an avoidant attachment, like SO SO BAD. and that can be so FRUSTRATING.

his past even gets worse in the next chapter, because apparently i can not NOT make him even more miserable.

haha the whole philosophical part at the end was mostly because i read a lot of camus and kafka lately lol. couldn't hold myself back, but i guess that mirrors satoru's existential crisis he goes through, that will be more highlighted in the next chapter.

but like at the same time, he needs someone to put him in his place and the reader is gladly accepting that and is like, I'M SO DONE WITH YOU, GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER MAN.

thank you so so much from the bottom of my heart for spending your precious time to read and write this message!! i really don't know how to phrase it how happy this makes me, just imagine myself smiling and crying like an idiot <33

#symptoms and causes #inbox

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sinkableruby · 11 months

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the obvious point of speculation from Owarimonogatari is what would have happened if Araragi brought Ougi with him instead of Hanekawa to Sodachi's studio, but how do you think it would have turned out if anyone else took Hanekawa's place? (such as Senjogahara, Kanbaru or Nadeko)

mmm... i think for all of them except maybe kanbaru it would go poorly

i will share my two thoughts on what might happen if you brought ougi first though. i think it would have gone the same as hanekawa for a little bit but then there wouldnt be any deescalation and in fact only escalation from ougi, making the whole thing much worse. probably araragi and sodachi's relationship would not likely have the chance to recover, and ougi would reveal the answer to the mystery sodachi has before sodachi even asked for the two of them to solve it... and i cant see her being able to feel quite so calm if its not just her and koyomi talking about it, and especially if ougi reveals it before sodachi even has the chance to ask and just springs it on her... ougi being the one revealing the mystery makes it much more antagonizing. there's a really really good artwork that shows some of this... i need to find the artist before i post it though curse you reverse image searches for never working

if you brought senjougahara she would not be helpful in the slightest. bringing her for that confrontation would mean she'd be expected to offer comfort to sodachi at a time where she was still kind of pissed at her probably for hurting her boyfriend. and she just would not do that. i can't see sodachi apologizing for it before the mystery is solved so i cant see senjougahara saying anything that isn't a barb, even if its something that would otherwise be helpful. actually this one might be worse than ougi bc she wouldnt even care enough about the mystery to help with it at all either. forget araragi and sodachi rekindling their relationship or having any kind of friendliness between them with her around no way not happening.

nadeko would also not be helpful at all bc shes still uwu nadeko at this point. she'd just be like 'ummm... err........' in the corner and not say anything or just be talking so quietly no one would hear her. and when sodachi attacked araragi she'd just be like 'thats not true! koyomi onii chan is the best and he's super nice...... he wouldnt do anything like that...............' and it would NOT HELP AT ALL LOL

kanbaru could do it. i believe in her. she would NOT be able to solve the mystery but she would definitely be able to help ease tensions and stop things from getting worse. she's very emotionally intelligent and mature and she'd be able to understand what to say and when or if to say it. this is the best one other than hanekawa bc the relationship would be stabilized and even though they wouldnt be able to solve the mystery together ougi would just be coming by to do that anyway. so it would end up mostly the same. good end

#monogatari #interesting ask #oshino ougi #ougiposting #kanbaru suruga #sengoku nadeko #araragi koyomi #oikura sodachi #senjougahara hitagi #owarimonogatari

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kasugas · 1 year

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sagawa and sera. 2 old men i have a lot of opposing thoughts about

answers for this post

sagawa and sera in that order. this was a real tough one just because i feel like my thoughts abt them cant be summarised fully on this bingo sheet. as compensation for having pretty cringe bingo sheets i'll elaborate a lil more under a readmore

If i were to answer this bingo card for Sagawa when i first played y0 i'd be foaming at the mouth with nothing but anger for him, but after a couple of years since i first encountered him ingame and a few replays.. He's a fuckin evil little bastard with an abhorrent personality but the way the story uses him i cant help but really appreciate what he does for the story. that and the fact that he is the only "villain" that you dont get into a ring and duke it out with really makes him memorable. while he's the Worst to majima it really makes sense once you realise that hes just some random middleman whos had this guy dumped in his lap by a kyoudai he only has for strategic reasons. he doesnt seem really driven by any passions and he knows hes a cog in the machine as evidenced by the ending of y0. even the little story he tells about his childhood helps cement this. to me it seems like he wasnt a kind of guy who had grand ideals to climb the ranks of the yakuza or anything, he was just sucked into this world and goes along with it cause its the easiest thing to do. he clearly has Issues. i still cant believe majima was just cool with letting him walk free at the end and im glad he got his just desserts. i guess it shows that majima is a little more emotionally mature than he lets on esp upon entering his mad dog persona.

now Sera is a different story.... in all honesty i cant remember his moments as much as sagawa (which clearly shows which character overall i favour more lol) i understand why he made majima jump through all those bullshit hoops in 0 despite how once you know how the story ends on a second playthru ur just "like cmon man its me". as for his short appearance in y1... all i can say he was good at "playing the game" with all the bullshit that goes on in y1. a character that ultimately strived for good even if careless

#asko #thankie for the ask... id be really inch rested to hear ur opinions about these two

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bombshellxmichelle · 1 year

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I’m so depressed

He’s knowingly showing me he is not and never will be the right man for me

All that’s holding you back is fear, and fear is simply a bunch of thoughts in your head and inaccurate core beliefs

You have to take care of yourself

I cant wait to feel freedom

I want to feel freedom

But I also know there’s so much lack of discipline and so much exhaustion and danger

I loved that dangerous feeling it was so exciting but it was really an activated nervous system

You’re not her and never will be her because you’re you and she’s never going to be you.

Instagram is just a facade. How you’re feeling is echoed by so many. You’re not alone.

Being insecurely anxiously attached

Maybe she actually has a real one??

Don’t be jealous babe. You don’t know what’s up and you don’t know her you don’t know him.

Also it’s in your selection- do not ignore the red flags. Do not ignore the red flags. Do not make excuses for a man. We are very incompatible and he is unpredictable and so am I.

Core beliefs to release

It took a very toxic man to take care and love a very toxic girl. With poor emotional regularity and not being emotionally mature. Who let her overwhelming emotions overpower her and say the harshest, meanest, projecting words. That fostered and grew and built so much resentment over time. Resentment, mistrust - and he also is someone who is accustomed to drinking very often. More than you know. More than you would like to know. “I’m never drinking again” and etc. He does not have discipline like a real man. And I also don’t have the discipline like a real woman.

Going into a relationship can’t be all about my needs. Going into a relationship means accepting the other person and compromising in the sense of - being curious to what is their reactions too.

Remain curious to others reactions too.

Being polite, being supportive, non-judgemental, positive, nurturing. The aggressive and negative or pessimistic side of me be untamed at times. And it’s time to get her back.

But this time with someone who is deserving and protecting and prioritizing me - ME. I will not let myself down.. but I do. But I easily can choose greatness and happiness for myself. I don’t need to hide or stay stagnant.

The world is so large. I’ve never felt comfort in another man the way I did with him. I will always be looking for that feeling, but this time with mutual respect and truthfulness. Honesty. It’s not your fault baby girl. You wanted to believe in it. It was a very amazing fantasy.

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incorrect-ikevamp-quotes · 4 years

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"Fangdad" I'm soft uwu

Haha awww, he is best Fangdad!!!!! I’m so glad you enjoyed my nonsensing uwuwuwu 💕💕💕💕💕

#asks #ikevamp comte #comte propaganda #idk why i am at like maximum chaotic and feral tonight so i hope yall are enjoying my abrupt episode of serotonin abundance #but yes fangdad!!!!#honestly i love to think abt the shenanigans and silly things that go on in the mansion #more than anything i love the idea of him having an mc that is like both 'oh trauma? you mean the reason im HILARIOUS' but also like #serious as a grave and completely no nonsense all at the same time #she has the r a n g e darling #so she has the maturity to be emotionally supportive but at the same time #she is a god damn f o o l #one day early in her stay she catches leo being mean to comte and she's just !!!!!!#'oi don't be mean to fangdad he works hard smh i thought better of u leo'#says it in passing and comte's just '?????????? fangdad?????'#is surprised but finds it kinda cute it's not wrong anyway #and leo's just being dramatic like I CANT BELIEVE CARA MIA WOULD SIDE WITH YOU WHAT DID YOU DO TO H E R #'smh would u quit hollering u god damn hobo she just likes me better as she should naturally'#everybody else either finds it hilarious or just apt so they start using it #comte is torn bc like I AINT NOBODY'S P A (shhhh don't look at his internal uwus) but also mc gave him that nickname #and he can't just. deny a nickname SHE gave him #and so it sticks :>#anyhoot that was my nonsense power hour i hope everybody had fun!!

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amazingdemigodstuff · 3 years

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I am thinking about the Percy Jackson series and I'm about to make it y'alls problem

Okay so we all know Camp Jupiter? Well if you think about it for more than 5 seconds the whole thing makes less and less sense and I'm gonna pick it apart then make up a completely new system for them that I like more(because by god this series lives rent free in my mind and therefore I have so many thoughts on it)

So Camp Jupiter is a camp made up of, mostly legacy, demigod children that protect New Rome, a city full of adults.

Firstly, what fucking adult would just be *chill* with having a camp full of literal children who just so happen to be their children? It does not really make sense. This is my main issue with CJ because... Really? Are you really going to tell me they have a child army for what? Fun? Tradition? The thing is, do y'all really think OG Rome had an army comprised of solely children? I think the fuck not.

However, maybe in the past they were more akin to CHB, maybe there was only children in the past. Again, this still does not make sense, because there are adults *now*. Adults that are the parents of most of these children. The children they they send to die... 😐

Yeah... No.

Now besides how it doesn't make sense that parents would emotionally be against sacrificing their kids, there is the technical aspect to consider as well.

We know these kids are talented af, but they are still children. Children that are not fully developed. They're not fully grown, their brains are not fully developed, they are emotionally unbalanced. They are more likely to die then 20-30 y/os while fighting. We know CJ has the numbers and that's how they avoid dying(besides being well hidden) but imagine how much more their population would be if the kids could grow up happy and healthy. Imagine how many more people would want to have kids since they don't have to send them to be child soldiers.

Furthermore how does their collage system work, because it is heavily implied that they don't really have consistent education. They are constantly doing drills/training/patrolling so when do they find the time? When they do have the time how do they have the energy to learn and focus? Furthermore with that system they wouldn't have much personal time which is integral for development. Again, it does not make sense.

Now, I have a few thoughts on how I think CJ could have been set up with it making more sense(obviously these are just my thoughts and are not the only right way to do it)

For one, if the Roman camp had adult members then RR would have had the chance to have his cast age fit with his readers, the long time fans of which are now grown. The books could have matured with the viewers and it would've been awesome.

Really what I think should have happened was CJ's army being made up of 18 and older adults, with enough down time so that they could still raise their kids and be active parts of their lives(CJ is big enough for this, New Rome is an entire city with businesses and a college). Then have the kids be taught by and looked over by retirees and people unable/unwilling to be part of the military.

Since they are demigods the kids should still have some form of physical training, but it should not take precedent over their lives. (I believe this is at least part of the reason CHB is primarily a summer camp)

I also believe that this would be even more inspiring for Percy and Annabeth than CJ simply proving that demigods can live till adults.

You see, they have a problem with the fact that children are sent to fight adult wars(hell, that's part of the reason Luke did what he did). To see that not only can they live past adolescence, but that they can change the system? That they can help kids live relatively safe(smth Percy used a fucking godly wish to help achieve?) I think it would affect them more than some place to go to college.

I think it would give them hope for the future.

Hey, if the romans can do it, why cant they?

#my post #I would LOVE to hear your guy's thoughts on this #percy jackson and the olympians #heroes of olympus #hoo #pjo #percy jackson #annabeth chase #luke castellan #meta #hoo meta #camp half blood #camp jupiter #chb #cj #(do I need to add any tags? lmk if I do pls)#please please PLEASE talk 2 me about this I have so many thought #rr crit

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desitenya · 2 years

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wrote down my thoughts about the sk bros relationship over the course of the series ^_^’

okay so. i have a younger sibling. hes 15 and a brat but hes been following and copying me my whole life. i thought it was annoying growing up but i realized that oh. its because hes a baby.

kuusuke just never has that realization growing up. thats like. older sibling 101. it doesn’t matter if they’re better than you at a lot of things. they aren’t as emotionally mature as you and will look up to you if you’re in their life a lot.

kusuo only hates kuusuke in the beginning because he believes that he hates him. this is somewhat of a kusuo thing and a general way a younger sibling would act in a situation like this.

^ “hahaha! just joking!” my ass. this is a whole lie oh my god.

since kusuo’s the narrator, we never see kuusuke’s default way of acting. hes literally seething this whole arc goddamn. the flash backs are in his point of view as well. he’s definitely carried that hatred since he left when he was 14.

kuusuke’s a bit of a static character the whole series. he doesn’t really have any plot other than the kitty tank thing. but one thing i think is interesting is the end of that arc. i cant tell if it was growth on the part of kusuo or on the both of them. (since they had more contact than they had before the series)

you could take that pensive expression in a lot of ways (cynically or wholesomely) . and honestly, you cant really take kusuo’s somewhat forgiving air as indicator as character growth for kuusuke since kusuo himself has undoubtedly grown.

like. he DID just fire a ton of lasers at his brother. but also

this happend. was this supposed to be endearing??🧍‍♂️

anyways in the reawakened powers arc they’re on much better terms so it definitely seems that way?? but what. what? like i get their relationship isn’t supposed to be normal but damn im lost. but also i think thats just the point.

they’re both young and have time to either continue being brothers despite their fucked up history or to cut it off entirely. and i think kusuo WANTS to be his brother if he’d let him but kuusuke would have to get over himself for that to happen. theres just so much going on here. why would you fire lasers at your brother -_- wheres kurumi.

#goose honks #i have SO MUCH more to say but like im at school and my thumbs will hurt

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tobiosmilktea · 4 years

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so,, i was listening to music while reading your smau jsksjsh and i just thought,, can i request an angsty one for atsumu, sakusa, kenma (or you can pick which one of em !!) based off of the lyrics, "you're still all over me like a wine stained dress i cant wear anymore" maybe as like, a post breakup thing ??? thank you and ily 💗💓💖💓💗

post breakup w/ atsumu, sakusa, and kenma

a/n: i wasn’t sure if you wanted this to be a scenario or hcs, so i ended up just doing a mix of both

— m. atsumu

i think atsumu’s definitely the type to rebound

especially after a quite serious or maybe long term relationship, the first month and a half he’s usually in his feelings about it

atsumu’s post breakup comes in stages: confusion, hurt, rebound, then acceptance

at the first stage, he’s overall really understanding yet still confused on what he did wrong to possibly lead to the break up, but it’s definitely short lived and only lasts about a week or two

it’s then the hurt stage comes into play and he’s a definitely the type to say that “love isn’t real” while having his four hour sad playlist on repeat for a good month

after the two month point of the breakup, he’s already searching for a rebound all due to the fact that he thinks he’s been hung up over you for way too long

i think he’s well aware that he isn’t really ready for another relationship, but anything to finally let you go

this is probably atsumu’s first time using dating apps and he uses three at the same time

since a lot of people find professional volleyball players hot (i mean who wouldn’t?) he easily gets a ton of matches, but most of the time they don’t go as far as messaging each other

only 1/10 of his matches actually go out on a date with him as after dating you, his standards are just really high and no one else could compare to you

and it just so happens that the rare occasion of finally going out on a date again, he just has to bump into you

atsumu couldn’t remember the last time his heart skipped a beat like this. it was almost as unfamiliar as the first time it happened when he laid his eyes on you. barely three months had passed since the end of your relationship with atsumu, and yet you looked different than before. it wasn’t bad in any way, if anything, you looked even better and magnificent than before.

he wondered what in the hell happened within those three months you were no longer his.

you absolutely sparked under the moonlight with your eyes glimmering as if it were soaked in the finest honey. stunning was a grand understatement. however, within the little rendezvous his gaze had taken to take one last glance at you, there was a sudden hollowing in his chest the moment he laid his eyes upon your date. they were equally as good looking as you and he hated to admit that you two paired so well together.

it was then the chrysalis of his sudden insecurity and yearning for your familiar warmth and silk promises to love him unconditionally would no longer be his. and just like your lingering aroma of strawberries on each and every piece of his returned clothing that you stole, your affect on him refused to disappear like a stain that never goes away.

— s. kiyoomi

this guy is definitely the type of guy who believes that they are moved on when they truly haven’t

unlike atsumu who purposefully find rebounds in order to prove his feelings wrong, sakusa isn’t even aware that he’s still hung up on you

sakusa was very mature about the breakup. he heard you out, understood your reasons, and even offered to stay as friends after a serious, long term relationship with you

although something like this would be expected from a personality like his, i think after hearing so many bad breakup stories from his friends, sakusa literally refuses for his relationship to end the same way

that’s most likely the reason why he acted so mature and literally refuses to let himself be sad over something that ended up not working out

so after a couple months pass after the breakup, he isn’t exactly active in seeking a relationship. he also wasn’t the one who asked the other out on a date, but after a lot of convincing from atsumu, he ended up going out with someone for the first time in months

however, the moment he sees your familiar face sitting across your newest s/o in the same restaurant, he immediately blames atsumu for all this

sakusa’s breath hitched as he took a sip from his wine, choking slightly on the red liquid as his eyes had cast upon your glory sitting at the other side of the restaurant. the contents from his wine glass spilled slightly when he attempted to play it off well.

he hoped you hadn’t noticed him here either as he couldn’t bear the winds of you even after months had passed. despite offering to stay as friends, you two had failed to keep in contact. in sakusa’s defense, it was his only way of truly coping with his feelings still existing for you no matter how hard he tried. he feared the moment he heard your calming voice or even see you for a fraction of a second would his love for you come crashing down on him like a wave of unspoken epiphanies.

the rest of the night, sakusa couldn’t stop himself from casting occasional glances at you and missing you in every which way. from laughing at whatever your partner said to simply your divine look of the evening had interested him more than what his date in front of him had to say.

perhaps it was at that moment—the moment he spilled that wine over him, that you were the stain he couldn’t remove.

— k. kenma

i believe kenma is the type that’s really good at distracting himself after a breakup

he doesn’t notice the way he sometimes forces himself to stream and play video games in order to not get saddened by the fact that you were no longer by his side

while atsumu chooses to prove his feelings wrong and sakusa isn’t even aware of his feelings, kenma is the one who straight up ignores it

he’s so used to acting so nonchalant in most situations that he isn’t really sure what to do now that his heart aches every time he goes on social media and sees that you had already moved on

kenma wishes he could move on as well, but once again, he likes ignoring any negative feelings by distracting himself

i think the only reason why he even landed himself on a date is because one of his new streamer friends asked him out on one during a stream and he couldn’t say “no, i’m emotionally unavailable right now.” in front of 100k+ watchers

he wasn’t even expecting this date to be a big deal until he sees you whispering something in your new s/o’s ear

kenma’s ticking time bomb of a heart was loud enough to be heard over the nightclub’s buzzing beats. he didn’t even notice how close he was to spill his and his date’s drinks on the way back to his table when he found you.

he could’ve swore he stood there for eons before his date had to snap him out of his thoughts to call him over. kenma was just glad you hadn’t noticed his standing figure as it would have at least saved him from anymore humiliation. seeing you happy and in love with himself else besides him was humiliating enough.

the whole night was filled with a single distraction—you. it was ironic, really, how the guy who was so good at distracting himself from his own lingering feelings towards you couldn’t ignore the person who caused it all. how rude of you to make him miss you this much in the midst of a boisterous club and a large crowd. even the shots he forced himself to down just to forget about you had decimated the moment he seared down his esophagus.

if only his love for you expired the same way yours did for him.

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sneakydraws · 3 years

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Well, here it is - a lengthy explanation of each card in my mdzs major arcana deck and what I meant to convey/what i would have changed in retrospect/what alternatives i considered! It’s a bit messy and my typing style is lazy but hopefully it will be an interesting read to some of you :)

And so you don’t say I didn’t warn you - jiang cheng’s section (11 justice) is absurdly long lmao

0 the fool I elaborated on this in the post itself but yeah basically jin ling is kind of representative of all the damage and trauma caused by the past, and there’s a kind of danger there of him falling victim to the same vices as the older characters and repeating the same mistakes and perpetuating the cycle of war and misery (the cycle that we already see with how the jin sect became the new wen sect, and later with how jgy became the new wwx) and he has a lot of room to grow! He grows so much over the course of the novel, comes to realise the complexities of the past and gets a harsh life lesson in how nothing is as black and white as it seems. But ill save talking about his progress for the end, for now whats important is that he has room to grow and also a dog. I don’t really have a justification for the sun, i mostly just thought it looked sick? It made its way to the next card as well, where it makes a bit more sense, but then i realised it was a dumb motif to include 1 the magician I still very much like wwx for the role, and that illustration would have probably had him raising a corpse on his left and pointing threateningly to the sun on his right. I considered including the table as well, with some mdzs relevant items replacing the card suits. Anyway, like i said wwx got a few cards to himself already so i went with the alternative wq design, since i think she fits the card as well. Both she and wwx are highly skilled people, extremely driven once they set their mind to something. The card to me symbolises the creative mind as well as a general drive for action, which fits them both - wwx was famously a prolific inventor, and wq came up with a previously unheard of surgery, after all. This card strays pretty far from the rider-waite deck design, largely because i was still figuring out how i wanted to approach this series, but you can still see the influence. 2 the high priestess I was actually going to skip this card at first because I couldn’t think of a fitting character, but once i considered a qings character post death, it all fit pretty well. She was already a highly intuitive person in life, and in sharing her memories with wwx she is, in a way, relaying a kind of secret knowledge. Anyway she’s one of my fav characters so im glad i got a chance to include her. The coffins could be interpreted to be xxc and sl or xxc and xy 3 the empress Theres other mother figures in mdzs who got to be mothers for a longer time, but jyl definitely embodies the positive aspects of this card the best. She’s nurturing, kind, emotionally supportive, she already mothered wwx and jc quite a bit when she was young. Plus i liked that the rw card had both water and flowers, making an easy lotus connection. In retrospect the stars look kind of out of place and i should have replaced them with something more relevant... Also, i should have had her hold a lotus seed pod instead of a flower, haha 4 the emperor Like i said I considered jc for the role but hoching bullied me into admitting that nmj was better… they’re both more of an inverted emperor than an upright one but then again theres hardly any character in mdzs who would fit upright emperor so. Jgs was also considered but he’s even uglier than nmj so i couldn’t bear to draw him 5 the hierophant It was pointed out to me that lqr would have fit this card better and the truth if that statement haunts me to this day. Unfortunately I have no space in my brain for lqr so lxc got the role instead. My main reason was his role during the wen destruction of gusu lan, when he ran away with the contents of the library - this is why there’s bookshelves behind him. The keys, take, from the rider-waite deck, are meant to represent the gusu pendants that allow you to enter 6 the lovers Im sure many people would have chosen wangxian here but I uhh don’t really care abt wangxian personally? And also their love story is so convoluted that jyl and jzx seem idyllic by comparison lol. Also i didnt really have an idea for who to put in the angel’s place for wangxian… mme jin certainly did not get these two together in the end but undeniably she and mme yu did initially give them a chance to fall for each other so. Thats something i guess. Anyway the trees became their sects’ flowers and the mountain became the burial grounds - an omen of their tragic fate, basically 7 the chariot There might have been other characters who fit this card better but i couldn’t really think of another card for lwj and i thought it would be weird to not include him… anyway i don’t really care for current timeline lwj BUT i do like that he was clearly influenced by wwx to walk his own path in life based on his moral convictions rather than follow his sect’s rules blindly. The chariot is to me a card of self control, self determination and focused action, so it seemed fitting. The composition felt kind of empty without the actual chariot so i padded it out with the guqin, the cloud recess in the bg (it doesn’t look great but i tried to replicate the drama design….) and the bunnies which conveniently fit the colour scheme of the sphinxes in the rider-waite design 8 strength Like i said before, my interpretation of this card is more… morally ambiguous than the quote unquote official meaning, so i thought about manipulative or duplicitous characters more than kind characters whose strength is expressed through gentleness (though i did consider jyl briefly for the latter interpretation). As such, i considered both jgy and nhs, but ended up going with jgy largely because i couldn’t pass up the opportunity to put the nie sect’s beast as the lion. 9 the hermit My thoughts immediately went to bssr lol. It may be an overly literal interpretation but whatever, i like it just fine. And i like that i managed to echo the rider-waite silhouette in the mountain and the tree (and even in bssr herself) 10 wheel of fortune God i love the parallels between these 2… this card to me is about how you cant trust your current situation, good or bad, to last forever, and these 2 embody that perfectly imo. Wwx went from son of a well off servant and a powerful cultivator, to street rat orphan, to adopted son of sect leader jiang, to double orphan, to MIA, to terrifying but admired warrior, to terrifying and despised traitor, to dead, to, at the very end, suddenly respected and trusted again. The dishonesty and cheapness of whatever the public’s current opinion of him is is portrayed beautifully as far as im concerned. And jgy of course claws his way up to power only to instantaneously become public enemy number one, to the point that he’s probably blamed for stuff there’s no reason to believe he had a hand in. Wei wuxian’s silent astonishment at how quickly the cultivation world turns against jgy and towards him again is a delicious moment of thematic resonance. 11 justice I settled on this card for jc after he got booted from the emperor seat but i do think it fits, in a somewhat convoluted way. I turned both the sword and the scales into visual representations of the golden core transfer (can you tell im obsessed with it). According to biddy tarot, the justice card is partly about searching for the truth, and the scene where jc finds out about the transfer is of course a big deal. I was also very influenced by the reversed meaning again - which is about being reluctant or unwilling to face or accept the consequences of your actions. I feel on an intuitive level that this fits jc but I’m not sure how well i can explain it - it’s something about how he’s a little too comfortable scapegoating wwx for things that were also, if much less so, influenced by his actions, and also something about the way he keeps wwx at an arm’s length emotionally but still leans on him and accepts his support when he really needs it, and somewhat hypocritically expects wwx to put the needs of him and the jiang sect before the needs of others. And also something about the core exchange is the consequence and proof of wwx’s deep - terrifyingly deep, even - love and care for him, which is something jc doesn’t seem to let himself acknowledge. Maybe even something about how you could argue that the way all of the jiangs acted around wwx - jfm’s favouritism that left him with the feeling of a debt he needs to repay, mme yus insistence that he be a servant more than a brother to jc, prepared to give his life for jc, and jc’s own unwillingness - or inability, he was a child after all - to clearly acknowledge wwx as an equal to himself, enabling wwx’s self sacrificial and protective tendencies - that all of this was what caused wwx’s complete and unquestioning willingness to do whatever it took to protect jc, and therefore paved the way to the golden core transfer. And i don’t mean this to be scapegoating jc - especially considering how young he was when this all went down, it wouldn’t be fair to expect this level of emotional perceptiveness, awareness and maturity of him - but i think adult jc has to grapple with the fact that the chain of cause and effect was not as simple as wwx fucking everyone’s lives up to be a martyr, and that both jc and his parents had a role in that story as well. I don’t even necessarily think this is something that jc only realised in the current timeline - i think it’s something he felt on some level this whole time, and it probably led to a lot of feelings of guilt - but the suibian reveal definitely puts it in sharp focus, and i think he’s now better equipped to handle this introspection than he was as a recently orphaned, traumatised teenager, lol. ANYWAY the window with the fabric is both a nod to the rider-waite design and a reference to the destruction of lanling - i actually did some basic ass research for this, and it seems that in ancient china fabric would indeed be hanged in a window if the normally used paper was damaged. The design of the window, as well as the very idea to use it to imply the reconstruction of lanling, was taken from this great piece of jc angst by my pal moroll1! Oh yeah also the covered window kind of works as a denial of forgiveness for jc because it’s like a halo but covered up... Also I completely forgot to put a blindfold over his eyes which would be perfectttt because blind justice and the core exchange......... ok moving on 12 the hanged man I always have issues with this card because i cant find a satisfactory summary of what it’s really about. Best i can tell it symbolises a need to hit pause, surrender or let go of something… ive also seen it tied to sacrifice? So mo xuanyu doesn’t fit perfectly, but sacrifice is definitely there in a surface level reading kind of way, and the idea that you have to surrender or let go in order to achieve your goal does fit the whole deal of getting revenge but giving up your life in exchange and not being there to see it 13 death This is probably one of my favourite cards, definitely not because I have huge issues with change or anything…. I see this card as signalling the necessity of change or putting an end to something / leaving something in the past in order to start anew? At first i considered putting past wwx, mxy and current wwx here as a kind of transformation and one cycle flowing into the next... But firstly, I’d already used mxy in the very previous card, so putting him in again would feel like overkill, and secondly, the longer I thought about it the less convinced I was that this would even fit with the card’s meaning? Because coming back from the dead doesn’t like... trigger an internal transformation within wwx or anything? Anyway, fun fact: the design I ended up going with was actually originally intended for judgement! I thought I was being very clever with the whole “figure plays an instrument and the dead rise” parallel, but apparently I’d just completely forgotten that the judgement card had a completely different composition... Truly I was boo boo the fool... But yeah anyway at the end of the day I figured the design would kind of work for death as well, with Wen Ning and the theme of transformation, (since in his case coming back as a fierce corpse does actually mark a certain transformation in behaviour) and Wei Wuxian’s protection of the Wen people essentially signifying an attempt to break the cycle of oppression if that makes any sense? Like, wwx is trying to revolutionise the way the world works a bit, if you catch my drift 14 temperance The centrist card! Again this is probably going off track from the “official” interpretation, but to me this card has a certain “don’t commit fully; do everything in moderation; don’t take either side” flavour to it that i personally find infuriating irl and that i very much assign to lxc. It’s entirely possible that I’m misinterpreting his character because i didn’t really pay him (and the 3zun in general) much mind while reading, but hell, I’m allowed to pick favourites and choose who i want to interpret deeply vs shallowly. Again, i wish id chosen lqr for hierophant because its so annoying for a character i don’t care about to get two cards…. But oh well 15 the devil My alternative idea for this was jgy as the devil and lxc plus nmj as the figures, but since all three had been featured already (multiple times, even!) i figured I’d go with xy instead, especially since he’s among my faves lol. I think the devil signifies something along the lines of unhealthy attachment, obsession or addiction, which isn’t 100% accurate in the case of xxc and a-qing, but if i stretch it a bit to cover toxic relationships in general, and especially manipulation or negative influence, i don’t think it’s half bad. My main struggle here was to choose who amongst the xxc/sl/aq trio to choose for the human figures. 16 the tower Arguably jin zixuans death and the following massacre of nightless city were the final and most direct reason for the siege of burial mounds, and the tiger seal is good shorthand for wwx’s loss of control over his powers, which led to the deaths of jzx and jyl. When reimagining major arcana i like to feature some kind of building in this card (spoilers for a possible future project but in my rose of versailles major arcana set the tower is bastille) and even if it’s not a tower, the image of wwx looming over the gathered crowd from atop a rooftop is so good i couldn’t resist 17 the star Struggled with this one - considered both jin ling and lsz for it, as symbolising a hope for the future, but that was kind of covered by the world so it wouldn’t make sense to include here as well... As usual when I struggle with interpreting a card (as opposed to understanding it but struggling with matching a character to it, like with death or moon) I went to biddy tarot and read all the details about its meaning. What i got was that this card signifies an incoming period of introspection and inner peace following a time of turmoil, as well as a general moving on into a new, better phase of one’s life or finding new meaning and purpose. The figure also suggests someone vulnerable, but possessing a keen sense of intuition as well as a good degree of practicality and common sense. Given all those, I settled for mianmian because IM LOVE HER..... I also kind of see her as a prelude to the “just one person is enough” theme present in tgcf!! And i think her decision to abandon her sect because she saw the toxicity and corruption in it is a very inspiring action - even if it didn’t make a large visible impact, i think the appearance of her and her idyllic family at the very end of the novel - paralleling and mirroring wangxian - implies that at the end of the day, it was a meaningful one 18 the moon Another card i ALWAYS fuxking struggle with - this time less because i can’t grasp its meaning and more because I can never find a character that fits it well. I usually get fixated on the “dreams and subconscious” part, but if i lean more on the “disguise, deceit, anxiety and fear” part, i eventually figured the whole yi city arc wouldn’t be a bad fit. I say the entire arc because it really does encompass all those themes if you include both the past and the present - xue yang’s disguise, his tricks with the villagers, a-qing’s lies and even xxc’s reluctance to talk about his past as well as xue yang pretending to be xxc all fit the disguise and deceit angle, and the general mystery and creepiness of the current timeline yi city work well with the anxiety and fear - the mist, the slow uncovering of the past, even a-qing being revealed to be an ally after scaring the shit out of the protags. I definitely struggled with including all the elements and characters, and even moreso with making them vaguely fit the rider-waite composition, but i think it ended up okay ish. OH and i completely forgot to draw mist swirling around them :( 19 the sun I was considering mianmian’s family for this one, but since I used her for star, I ended up with wwx and his parents instead. Once again I’m reinterpreting the card a bit - normally I think it symbolises incoming times of pure happiness and abundance, as well as a connection with the inner child, but I gave it more of a nostalgic or sentimental twist - wwx looking back at the brief glimpse of his happy childhood. 20 judgement another card that i struggle to interpret a bit... Here i actually used the tgcf tarot zine as a reference! In it judgement is summarised as “rebirth, following duty, absolution” SO i figured that nhs, mxy and wwx all together would fit pretty neatly... wwx achieving (public) absolution through clearing his own name after being reborn, and nhs sort of calling on wwx to expose jgy’s crimes... It’s a bit messy but not bad I think! 21 the world This ties very closely to my read on mdzs as a story - which is that it’s, at the end of the day, largely about cycles, and about how hard it is to break them, but how we gotta keep trying and have hope anyway. Or maybe more precisely, that the people directly involved with and influenced by the trauma of the past might not be able to get over said trauma and that the hope for healing from it will be shouldered by the new generation. Or something like that… Basically what i mean is that jc and wwx and lwj and lxc and nhs and jgy and all these people who were in the thick of the sunshot campaign and the siege are so profoundly affected by it that it genuinely feels by the end of the story like there is little hope for them to ever truly overcome that trauma and build a better future without repeating the same old mistakes - but there is a glimmer of hope in the new generation, specifically in jl and lsz. And it’s a bit paradoxical, because they have also been directly impacted by the past tragedies - lsz having his entire clan wiped out after wwx failed to protect them, jl losing both his parents to wwx’s mistakes - but despite that loss, and despite coming from arguably the two opposing sides of the past conflicts, they are both, in the end, capable of moving past that tragedy, of recognising the complicated nature of those conflicts (jl’s moment of clarity at the end is both heartbreaking and hopeful) and forging friendships between clans in the process. I honestly think that the extra where jl is struggling to assert his authority as sect leader, to treat his subjects well and to cooperate with other sects in a truly amicable way is the single hopeful ending note for the larger themes of the novel - it allows us to imagine that maybe these kids can learn from the mistakes of their elders rather than getting sucked in by resentment at those mistakes, and actually build a brighter future for the cultivation world. And sidenote, this is also why i have a soft spot for jin ling and lan sizhui as a ship... speaking of which their poses were directly referenced from the lovers card ehehe

Looking back, I’d like to add some symbol of jin ling’s trauma so that it mirrors baby wen yuan in the tree stump... maybe his father’s sword?

#mdzs #mo dao zu shi #tarot

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roboskin · 3 years

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Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Мор. Утопия | Pathologic Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Artemiy Burakh | Artemy Burakh/Daniel Dankovskiy | Daniil Dankovsky Characters: Artemiy Burakh | Artemy Burakh, Daniel Dankovskiy | Daniil Dankovsky, Laura Ravell | Lara Ravel, Gryph | Bad Grief (Pathologic), Mishka | Murky (Pathologic), Spichka | Sticky (Pathologic), Klara | Clara (Pathologic) Additional Tags: Post-Diurnal Ending (Pathologic), Pining, Artemy is Emotionally Repressed, Happy Ending Summary:

“So,” the Bachelor says to him. “This is goodbye, I believe.” And then; “until next time.”

Behind his voice, Artemy can hear the chatter of a newly healthy, newly cured town. Dankovsky lowers himself from where he’s standing on the edge of the train. One of his legs brushes Artemy’s side as he sits back, and then — pulls away.

“You must be relieved,” Artemy says. “Finally going back to your Capital.”

Dankovsky scoffs. “I suppose so. Are you?”

“That’s a stupid question,” Artemy says.

i cant get pathologic out of my head so i wrote an artemy character study about it. the russian plague game pulled me out of my writers block! who would have thought

#my writing #fics #pathologic #artemy burakh #daniil dankovsky #burakhovsky

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reineyday · 3 years

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some feelings abt touya and bnha 302 in general! (long post)

jesus this whooooole chapter makes me so so so sad for touya, like he's canonically a crier and i just have all these images now of him crying off to the side while enji looks at his other kids and gives them the time of day. knowing that he was/is a frustrated crier makes the fact that dabi cant cry cuz of his burned tear ducts that much sadder ohhman

one of the things i cant get over is how touya was SO shunned by his dad that when he went to go tell enji about his fire turning from red to blue, he says "i might be as awesome as shouto sooner or later!" like?? this boy is 13 and shouto is 5 yet he's talking like the brother that's eight years younger than him is better than him and thar it's just a fact. the sky is blue, enji wants to beat all might one day, and shouto is better than the rest of his siblings. nevermind that he's only five and just wants to play with his siblings (and dont even mention to me how shouto says he wants to play with "touya and them" cuz im gonna fucking cry abt it. like even though touya's accepted he's bottom of the ladder in this family, shouto clearly wants some sort of acknowledgement from his older siblings and especially his older brother. IM FVCKN SOBBN). enji has made it clear in this family that shouto was what he was looking for and everyone else is not as important, and i knew this from shouto's pov but it's kinda wild to see it implied so casually in touya's words.

"you'll be glad you created me! i just know it!" HOLY SHIT. god my heart. oh my fuck. literally all enji had to do was show up to the fucking mountain, and he couldnt even do that? what the hell?? your son asks you to go to the mountain, you tell your wife not to let him go traim but she said she couldnt stop him, and instead of going yourself to make sure he's okay and BECAUSE HE ASKED YOU TO COME (and with an actually valid reason, no less! fire changing colour is kind of a big fucking deal!!!) you just?? let him go and let him stay there??? my god the amount of times touya must have burned himself and the trees with tears in his eyes. ahhhHHH!!!

what kills me (and touya too soon?) was that we thought before the back story started that enji forced touya to train till he burned up. then when 290 came out--and definitely after 301--we thought maybe touya overtrained himself and burned up. and sure, he was definitely overtraining, but to find out that the burns that "killed" him started just bc he was crying so much he lost control and didnt know how to ease up on his flames? he was upset and literally trying to get himself to stop crying, and then he just set himself aflame and burned up cuz of all his emotions??? that HURTS. holy fuck.

i cant believe natsuo's feeling lowkey guilty for not socking enji in the face like he wasnt EIGHT???? and let's be real, enji woukdnt have fucking listened to natsuo telling him to talk to touya--he already wasnt listening when touya would straight up say "look at me" and when even rei said touya just wanted enji to look at him and notice him. listen, i know sometimes miscommunications happen in families and children are embarrassed to admit they want attention and so their parents remain unaware that theyre not giving their kid something they want, but touya was as clear as can be on MANY occasions, and even rei agreed touya needed the attention and enji just wasnt listening.

also i know there was discourse abt touya being sexist by telling natsu that "the women in this house are good for nothing" and mb it was partly diff translations cuz i feel like saying "this house" makes it specific to rei and yumi instead of all women everywhere, but even disregarding that--i think it's a valid thought for him to have when rei wasnt standing up for him (where he could see, at least) and yumi admitted herself that she was too scared to interfere and so just tried to fix things and keep appearances. i feel like based on what touya's seen from them, it makes sense that he has that opinion. (also gonna mention that i think rei's and yumi's choices also make sense and i think they were valid, seeing as how they were afraid as well.)

and poor natsu being woken up in the middle of the night (what was implied to be often enough, esp cuz it seemed they share a room and their futons are close) bc of touya's pain. that's a lot of emotional responsibility for an eight year old, and it is also so sad that at 13, touya didnt have anyone else to turn to but his kid brother. at 13, i remember being fully aware of the distinction in maturity between an 8 year old and myself, and it sucks that touya couldnt go to anyone but a younger child with all his pain. i bet yumi being too scared to interfere translated to touya as "she wouldnt help me" and thats another reason he didnt go to the 2nd oldest when he needed to vent. (also not related to this but how the FUCK was natsuo so tall at 8 years old? wh a t)

this chapter. this fucking chapter. my heart aches for touya, and it's just such a huge fucking shame he didnt get the attention and validation and support he needed. there must have been workarounds so that touya could safely use his quirk. there weere DEFINITELY better ways to support your son through a self-destructive quirk, ways that involved actually being there and seeing him. i feel like if someone showed him the attention he needed and talked him through how to better control his emotions (and by extension, his flames) and a positive and healthy way, he could have been someone so great. and if he ever learned how to set aside the way he felt infefior to shouto and saw that shouto just wanted to play with his cool older siblings, it might have been really beneficial to see that there was someone there who thinks he's cool and gave him attention just bc he was an older brother, who needed him when everyone else in the househild didnt seem to need him.

and lastly, the fact that the chapter ends with rei saying that shouto is the family hero and that shouto will have to face dabi?? and it makes me angry that shouto has to take on that responsibility. that he was five and suffering for things he wasnt even a part of, couldnt be properly aware of, bc he was so young. he just saw that he was separated from his siblings and that his dad bullied his mom, then grew up shouldering enji's heavy goals and high expectations and abusive training alongside the barely-there memories of his older brother who died (i say barely there bc if natsu didnt even know shouto liked cold soba, shouto was definitely not around enough to have solid memories of touya before he "died"), and now he has to do the emotional labour of fighting his villain brother (who i bet shouto lowkey empathizes with when he thinks abt it late at night) as well as suffer the physical consequences of that agni kai. and it makes me angry that he has to do that, bc he's a Good Guy and he probably feels he has some sort of filial and familial responsibility. he's only 16. he just wanted to play with touya and them, and now he has to deal with this horse shit dabi's causing cuz his dad's an emotionally neglecting asshat who couldnt see past his dumb fucking ego until he saw shouto play with a bunch of kids during shou's remedial exam a decade after his eldest son burned himself to death. what the fuckety fuck.

lastly, since we saw touya burn uo the way he did... did he really just like... burn so much his jaw fell off, and that's how they found the jawbone? cuz holy hot (BURNING too soon???) damn that must have been painful as all hell. i wonder if next chapter we get to see if someone found touya at the park and helped him out and sorted out the jaw bone thing, or if we finally get to see if deku wakes up lol.

anyways this chapter hurt my heart big time, and i kinda wanna draw kid touya crying while being overlooked by his family to let out some of those feelings but we'll see.

and i still stand by my idealistic and naively optimistic hope that dabi gets redeemed and they soend some actually time together as a family (without enji. or at least, with an enji that has apologized to touya in seiza. like, forehead-to-floor apologize.)

does this hope sort out how dabi redeems himself, seeing as how he's murdered people in cold blood and shouldnt be excused for that bc those actions are also inarguably terrible? no. not sure how he could redeem himself for that kinda stuff honestly, but it doesnt mean i dont still somehow want the todoroki sibs to get along, cuz im weak for mending families.

also id like to send a huge kudos out into the world to rei todoroki for being firm for once and for also not running away from her mistakes like her asshole husband has been. i really admire and respect that. she was afraid and being abused, but now that she's been away from enji and has had time to heal, now that her and shouto are in the mend and she's seen that her eldest son is alive and a villain, she's a place where she can acknowledge that even though she was a victim too, she played a part in touya's emotional neglect and she's taking responsibility and that speaks to some incredible fucking strength. damn.

i hope one day that dabi realizes the same in regards to his mother and natsuo, who shouldered a lot of his emotional pain and suffered the consequences of his outbursts (even though his emotions are valid and his outbursts understandable, he still hurt rei and put a lot of pressure on natsu), and i also hope he sees that for all that he hates his father, his whole existence revolves around enji and it's a shitty place to be (and then he'll have ANGST abt it and that shit will be!! so good!!!)

yeah i think those were all my feelings. i had so many lol. their family situation is so difficult, i hope they all turn out okay and alive and healing.

oh i guess i also wanted to say that i kept calling enji an asshat and asshole cuz he was for sure, but i still think his redemption is valid and im glad he's taking those steps to be a better person by being a better father. i dont know if id want his family to forgive him for all that horrible shit he put them through (im personally hoping that no matter what anyone else does, natsuo will choose to to cooperate in the healing of his family as a unit but will never forgive enji) but i think it's good of people to try to be better than they were yesterday regardless of whether or not they get forgiveness. i dont personally like enji, but i dont hate that he's getting a redemption. i just hope it's a redemption that makes sense and forces him to put in the work, and isnt something like a death sacrifice for shouto or dabi. i want him to be alive and i want his redemption process to hurt like a fucking bitch while he forces himself to make better choices and be a better person, cuz redemption isnt supposed to be easy in the slightest. i GUESS all the crying he did in 302 was a good start.

anyways, if for some reason you read all the way down to the bottom--hello! and thanks for reading haha. cheers! :)))

#rei rambles #bnha #bnha 302 #todorokis #todoroki touya

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