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ganondoodle · 4 months

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was watching another totk video and through that found out what the reward is for completing koltins quests, honestly im not really surprised but also baffled and it really just shows, once again, that totk kinda does exactly what you shouldnt do in a sequel imo.. double down on all the bad stuff of the previous title

at this point i have talked about various problems in detail but i just keep realizing over and over just how much of the wrong lesson they seemed to take from botw, they recycled almost everything from botw by changing some paint or some words, made a giant game even bigger and filled it with boring and tedious busy work that has mediocre to insulting rewards EVEN MORE than botw

game too big and empty? make it TWICE as big, change barely anything about the map of the previous title and the new added map(s) is ONE biom that almost everywhere looks the same and even emptier with little to do

too many krogs? MAKE IT MORE and double down on the literally shit reward bc its the SAME just with one more stack of shit

too many shrines with short puzzles? ADD EVEN MORE and make them even shorter and easier to complete, alot of them not even involving a puzzle and multiple being an utterly out of place tutorial that could have been explained to you in a single text box

rewards in the overworld being mostly either a krog or a shrine which gets repetetive with shrines being ALOT and krogs being wayyy too many? add even MORE shrines and EVEN MORE krogs, but now add over a hundred of caves to it that all get repetetive after just a few of them and you only do them for a shrine or a currency you have to collect to get one cool looking but pretty bad to use armor set and a piece of cloth for your parasail that you can only use one of at the tiem and to switch have to go back to a specific NPC, theres ghost lights to collect which only serve to yet again buy one armor set from a set of NPCs and ar meaningless afterwards, the light roots dont require you to do anything but walk to them and the reward for finding them all is a "you did it" sticker that doesnt even stick (its useless)

weapons break too quickly? well make the weapons you can find even worse to force you to fuse a material to it so its at all usable BUT IT STILL BREAKS and when it does it breaks not JUST the weapon but ALSO a material, materials that you will need for now EVEN MORE EXPENSIVE armor upgrades too, weapons cannot be rewards anymore either bc they will always have to be fused with something to make them stronger bc none is strong on its own- this also applies to THE MASTERSWORD, something ALSO complained about that it still 'breaks' even after empowering it through the DLC in botw, and now it cant even BE empowered (bc no DLC) unless you fuse soemthing to it (to. the. MASTERSWORD.) EVEN THO EMPOWERIGN THE MASTERSWORD IS THE ENTIRE POINT OF ZELDAS ULTIMATELY MEANING- AND CONSEQUENCELESS SACRIFICE !!

the dungeons were to samey and simple? make them look different but keep the core structure (activate terminals in completely seperate from each other "puzzles", fight boss) while also makign them be even more skippable (climable walls, the ceiling jump ability- something the titans DIDNT have) with incredibly easy bossfights that end with an embarassing copy and paste scene that hits you over the head with long known and obvious information over and over

people didnt like how the story was so detached from everything in the present? well, make the story and the present EVEN MORE detached from anything in the present, so far in fact that there is literally no connection to it aside from zelda who is the only connective thread and is also only treated as such (she is as personality lacking as sonia as soon as shes yoinked into the past) and the suddendly and out of nowhere intruduced architecture and history that wasnt a thing in botw but is treated like it was always there

people didnt like how far botw was detached from all other zelda games? ok totk is not only FURTHER detached from those it also completely detached itself from its on predecessor :)

people didnt like the memory system? ok make it WORSE then, its a linear story now that you can ruin by seeing even one out of order, they are super short and dont give you anymore context to anythign than the things you could figure out yourself or were already told really, instead of giving you views into a characters personality you get to view a basic plot summary of a story that is so flavorless and predictable i knew what would happen from the start yet acts like its being vague and cool that i felt like i was beign treated like a literal toddler

too few enemy types? well, we will reuse the old ones EVEN MORE thant before over twice the map and the new ones that are there are either utterlly irrelevant to change up the gameplay or largely feel like the old ones just with a paint job (constructs), the griocks looked cool at first but are just a more annyoing version of the lynels (who feel like an actual duel, akin to a proper boss)

even the things that were adressed, or attempted to, didnt fully work, like the bosses ARE more unique, but also still so incredibly easy and ALSO have multiple duplicats just sitting around in the underground despite them being supposedly the root of the problems of the regions (i like refighting bosses, but id rather have a character that lets me choose ok i wann fight this one again and teleporte me into a vision or sth- also the most fun fights arent even part of it (koga) )

the rain complaint got a new effect type to counteract it, which ... doesnt work well, you need specific materials to make potions with that effect which you also need to upgrade the only armor set wit hthat effect that ONLY works once you upgrade it (i think ... i dont know how high i got it but if even the full upgraded set doesnt negate the rain effect i will not be surprised either lol) also it adds just yet another effect type that spams your inventory and you dont really need .... or i might be the only one that saw no value at all in the "attack up when hot" new type of effects bc it felt so specific and situational while also having a way better option (just make it a standard attack up thing?) at least in my eyes-

... ill stop here .... this got longer again didnt it O-o

#ganondoodles talks #zelda #totk #ganondoodles rants #YET AGAIN #aaaaaaand i wasted all my evening #this was supposed to be a half joking short post #but i keep getting into ranting #hhhhhhhhhhrrrrrrraaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

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crushedsweets · 7 months

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h music moon anon back again

what instruments do u think each creep would play? i think toby would play drums or something as an outlet for his emotions

tim plays an ancient acoustic guitar that’s missing like 2 strings and the wood is literally rotting (he’s had it since like 1999 and refuses to get rid of it)

nina sings. she defo had a yt cover channel at one point

unsure for the rest.. hm

- 🌙

oo. omg. yes. i like this. just a reminder that i really have no experience with instruments but i think its cool. half/most of these characters DON'T play in my au, BUT IF THEY DID....

toby and drums for sure, BUT realistically his parents would never let that happen in their house and he wouldn't really wanna put in the effort to get a drum set to the cabin. but listen. harmonica toby. yeah. not expanding

tim and acoutstic guitar but its fucked up and ugly and he only keeps it because he's attatched to it but its so bad

nina singing is also sooo fucking canon. she'd prob try to learn guitar at some point but then realized she had to cut her nails and callous her fingers, so she gave up immediately LMFAOO

brian... mmm... honestly guitar is pretty fitting for him too. he'd be one of those guys at parties who starts playing and he's so incredibly mediocre at it.

i feel like i could see like. childhood kate playing the piano cuz her mom wants her to. but she was always complaining and whining and getting mad about it, and then her life was ruined by the operator when she was like 14, so.. she couldnt play even if she tried

natalie also wouldnt play anything, but i could see her like having one of those fucked up out of tune pianos thrown in the barn that she found for free on the side of the road and had to get tims truck to move it. idk if anyone knows rio romeo, but how their piano sounds basically.. WHICH I LIKE. i love it.

jack and liek a fucking flute. i legit have no reason to explain this, but jack and a flute. bros lung capacity is crazy

sally and . yall know how lisa simpson is with the saxophone or whatevr. yeah. little sally with a saxophone half her size

ben also would not play shit, but i could see him trying to make music with like. the computer. i really dont know what its called but im sure u guys get what im talking about

NOW JEFF. jeffs parents would have let him get a drum set in the garage (he wouldve bullied his own parents into agreeing to it). he wouldve thought he was sooo fucking cool and soooooo fucking funny when he was so severely NOT.

liu and another like, flute clarinet saxophone type thing.. mayhaps the piano. something classy or whatever i guess

jane and the piano. cannot accept anything else.

lulu and.. the harp... her family was crazy rich growing up...... she plays the damn harp.

ann and a violin. cant explain it. sorry. but ann and a violin.

sadie and something goofy and like playful like a tambourine.. dancing around slapping the thing and her dress is all bouncing w her and aww.

dina and also something like classy i guess. im inclined to put her w the harp too cuz like angel wings and yeah idfk . but theres no way more than 1 of them plays the harp so ill put this bitch on the piano !!!

#asks #creepypasta #creepypasta headcanon #ticci toby #clockwork #natalie oullette #eyeless jack #jeff the killer #kate the chaser #jane the killer #homicidal liu #nina the killer #lulu creepypasta #sally williams #suicide sadie #judge angels #nurse ann #🌙 anon #ty for akss moon musi anonnn

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mins-fins · 7 months

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HAUNTED (L.DH)

SUMMARY . . . it's difficult to.. grasp it, in a way, yeah, donghyuck is psychically there, but he doesn't remember anything, like his mind has been wiped clean. in the end, he's just a walking blank slate.

PAIRING . . . lee donghyuck x male!reader

GENRE . . . angst, somewhat fluffy

WARNINGS . . . passing mentions of car accidents, post-traumatic amnesia

WORD COUNT . . . 0.9k

NOTES . . . im going to admit, not my best work, i made this SUPER PRETTY HEADER and the writing cant even compare its so……… *sighs* mediocre 🙁, anyway i love haechan sorry if this doesn't live up to expectations

"do you know who i am?"

it's the same response as always, donghyuck's eyebrows knit together and he pauses whatever he's doing for a moment, staring at y/n like he's a complete stranger that he's never met anymore. y/n has to admit, it really feels like his heart is being ripped out of his body every time he asks this question and he gets this response.

"your.." donghyuck pauses once again, his mind going blank. y/n knows this is the result of the accident, that his condition will probably get better with time, but does it remove the pain of him not knowing him? no. "y/n, my boyfriend, my partner".

y/n blinks, staring at the male right in front of him. he tries his best not to cry. he doesn't sound sure of himself, he sounds like he's trying to convince himself that that was the right answer. donghyuck continues staring, his eyes holding nothing, just emptiness that y/n can identify.

he clears his throat, shaking his head. it's too early in the morning to get emotional like this. "yeah that's.. right, sorry, i—"

"i hope i didn't say anything wrong" donghyuck says, biting his inner cheek. "your not upset, are you?" he asks, his voice lowering to an astonishing way honestly, it makes y/n want to cry even more.

"no no, you didn't i'm just.. i thought about something sad that's all" he doesn't look convinced, which y/n finds ironic considering his current condition.

"oh i'm sorry".

it's difficult, living with someone who once remembered every single little thing about you, now not even remembering your facial features, or your favorite color, or your hobbies, or what your coffee order is. y/n didn't expect for him to live when it came to the accident, it would've hurt having to go to a funeral for someone he loves so dearly; but it also hurts knowing that because of the trauma from accident, everything is just.. a blur now.

it hurts, having to clarify who he is every few minutes because he doesn't remember, and it hurts even more because it's like living with a blank piece of paper. yeah maybe he's psychically there in a sense, but he's just.. there, he doesn't remember anything much, and when he does talk first, which is unlikely, all he talks about is stuff that's barely important.

when y/n does bring up stuff they did in the past, or shows him the pictures they used to take on their polaroid cameras together, all donghyuck can do is just stare, because he so badly wants to remember it, he wants for his memory to desperately come back and for everything to go back to how it was before he decided to get into that car on that saturday morning.

but it just can't.

life just isn't fair, and no matter how much y/n tries to act like it'll all be okay, it won't. it won't ever be okay, he can try to ignore it, he can try to act like he's doing well, dealing with it well, but.. he isn't, everyone can see through his stupid facade.

"you look very pretty in these pictures" donghyuck randomly comments, looking through the polaroids spread around the table. pictures the two of them had taken together with.. his camera. he gives y/n a small smile, focusing back on the pictures.

"yeah, you took them" he replied simply, and donghyuck blinks, he doesn't remember that, of course he doesn't, y/n can envision the words that are about to leave his mouth.

"i don't—"

"remember.. i know" y/n cuts, donghyuck looks sad for a moment, casting his eyes away from his partner. "hey it's okay" he runs a hand up and down his back. "i'm not upset, it isn't your fault".

donghyuck blinks, he wonders what it'd be like if he just.. did remember, he'd save y/n so much pain and despair if he could just remember. does the universe hate him so much that he's causing pain to the one person who loves him the most? why can't he just remember everything? he wishes y/n could be happy, because even with the smiles he showcases to donghyuck, he's not really happy.

it bothers him, like an itch, but no matter how much he tries, his mind can't conjure up anything, whenever he thinks he's about to get it, it's like his mind resets, and every memory he's ever had has ceased to exist.

it keeps him up at night, and he doesn't even know why, because usually he just.. sleeps, he usually never tosses and turns, he usually never zones out staring at the ceiling, he usually sleeps just like that.

but he can't help but think he's at fault..

he can't control other people's actions, he can't, but it just makes him feel so disappointed knowing that the reason y/n doesn't have peace.

donghyuck rolls over, staring at y/n's sleeping face, he looks peaceful, and it makes a smile come to his face. his mind always goes a little hazy when he thinks of y/n, and he knows that it makes y/n's mood go down.

he doesn't know why, but he reaches over and lightly brushes y/n's hair out of his face. he blinks, just staring at him. he stays asleep, only lightly shifting. in his unconsciousnesses, he reaches over and grabs donghyuck's hand, holding it.

donghyuck is a little taken aback, he looks down, staring at the sight. y/n's hand is warm, it feels nice.

he lightly smiles again.

he doesn't really remember much, but y/n's still by his side.

for now, he'll just live in the moment.

#lee donghyuck #haechan #lee haechan #nct #nct 127 #nct dream #nct imagines #nct scenarios #nct drabbles #haechan imagines #haechan scenarios #haechan drabbles #lee donghyuck x reader #nct x reader #𑁍 ࣪˖ 𓂃 isa's works!

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katiapostsss · 1 month

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jealousy at its finest is taylor haters 😭😭

"she's a billionaire though" what they meant to say is "im angry that she made it big and i have no money and am unemployed because i'm too lazy to work for my money like so many others do and like she did herself."

"she's only a feminist when it's convenient to her/billionaires cant be feminists" so supporting women's charity, donating to sa survivors, making songs about the patriarchy, and speaking out about women's oppression isn't feminism? if anything, being a feminist in this day and age is an inconvenience. it just means more hate. and if you're gonna say billionaires can't be feminists, at least back up that claim with evidence. oh wait! you don't have any.

"she dated a minor" 17 and 19. 2 years off. if the man was the 19-year-old and she was the 17-year-old, no one would give a shit, and her relationship with john mayor is perfect proof of that.

"her carbon emissions" they're not the best, but they're also not the worst. what about kim k? what about travis scott? why don't we talk about them? oh, because you just want to find any way to hate on her? that makes sense. not only that, but no one gives two flying fucks about the economy until tay's involved. if the 8 billion people on this earth actually cared about its well being, do you think the world would be this deep in shit to start?

"only 100k to the survivors? that's like me donating 10 dollars" AT LEAST SHE DONATED AT ALL??? it might be 10 dollars to her, but its still ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS to the people she donated it to. be so fr. would kanye west give even a penny to that family? a dime? no. he wouldn't.

"she's mediocre." AOTY four times. person of the year. 13 grammys. number 1 artist in all of the world. billionaire. do you think she'd even have ONE grammy to begin with if she was "mediocre"? im sorry, that woman won AOTY at 18, and her records sold for fearless have never been beaten. that was SIXTEEN years ago. SIXTEEN. not only that but she's compared to SHAKESPEARE HIMSELF.

"she isnt a good vocalist. beyonce is better." who in their right fucking mind said she was better than beyonce in the first place. i'll wait. anyone can admit that shit because it's true. but if beyonce were a better lyricist and singer OVERALL, she'd be, 1, more known, 2, worth more financially, 3, her songs would be WAY more famous, and 4, more fans. it is so rare that i see a diehard beyonce fan. sorry. it's also the literal way they're friends and have no bad blood (yknow it used to be mad love) and you guys just want to pit them against each other for absolutely no reason other than to argue.

time to get a reality check and stop hating on women who have no reason to be hated on 😘😘

#speak now taylor’s version #taylorstans #taylor stans #taylor swift debut #taylor swift #the eras tour #the eras taylor swift #speak now #folklore #evermore #fearless #midnights #red taylor’s version #i love you taylor #taylors version

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sleepy159 · 6 months

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Firey Gaze

summary: fluff alphabet luka hsr

hey yall im not dead yet!!!! so heres some fluff :3 (might be ooc)

cw: cringe,other than that just fluff (i think dont qoute me on that))

wc: 1,238

also no beta we die like dazai

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A - admire - what do they admire about you?

•Confidence. He is very confident himself so, he honestly would be star struck if his partner was also confident, even just a little bit. It doesnt have to be confidence about your appearance just ANYTHING. A hobby, a collection, a friend, your boundaries, etc.

B - body - what is their favorite part of your body?

•Your eyes, he probably gets distracted by your eyes when hes fighting and gets hit.

C - cuddles - do they like to cuddle?

• At first he wouldn't because he would be scared his robotic arm would make you uncomfortable but once you reassure him, he warms up to it and loves to cuddle (would rather die than ask you to cuddle though, straight up drags you with him and cuddles you )

D - dreams - what do picture yalls future to be like?

•Luka would NOT wanna be tied down with kids. But hes always up for animals!! (hc hes a dog person.) Luka would like to eventaully live in the same house as you too.

E - early or late riser?

•He is 100% a morning person, wakes up at 5am with a shit load of energy and goes to do a full ass workout.

F - fight - how often do yall fight?

•Hes constanly fighting and getting beat up, coming home covered in blood and bruises on the verge of death.I think you would be worried and lecture him and he would say, "This is what i enjoy!" there will be fighting sometimes. Hes pretty good at apologizing though.

G - gentle - how gentle are they, emontally and physically?

•Ok, bbg is VERY emontally gentle, istg he will do anything for you, no questions asked as long as he gets a kiss or a hug as a reward. and physically? ok so he TRYS to be super gentle but because hes so strong and all that jazz, he might accidentally hurt you

H - honest - do they hide things from their s/o?

•ok he 100% shares almost everything with you, but,if you ask him if you look good in smth and he doesnt think so, he will be SWEATING."o-oh u-uhm! i-its...?" he wont give you a direct answer. but besides that, he wont keep secrets unless its for your own good. Also he wont give to many details about his past untill hes more comfy with you.

I - i love you - how long did it take for them to say ily

he hands you flowers and choclate before blurting it out, rubbing the back of his head nervously as he tries to act confident. If you reject him he will try to switch the topic. (awkwardly)

J - jealousy - how fast do they get jealous?

•Dont quote me on this but, he quite literality thinks Aphrodite (or Idrila?) came down and personally blessed you, hes very confident so he probs gets jealous like mediocrely fast but doesn't let it show until the person is like CLEARLY. hitting on you because he doesn't wanna be overbearing

K - kiss - where do they like to be kissed,where do they like to kiss you,what is kissing them like?

•he loves to be kissed on his nose OR knuckles, i cant explain why,also kiss his robotic hand and he will FOLD. likes to kiss right underneath your eye and your forehead because hes pure like that. hes probably not that experienced in kissing you so you might have to guide him but,hes like so confident when hes kissing you, you forget if he does smth wrong. will ask for kisses without shame.

L - little ones - how are they w/ kids?

•Hes fucking amazing with kids,tells them storys, feeds them, helps them, like hes amazing with them but doesnt want to feel tied down with a family so he visits the moles a lot.

M - memory - whats their fav memory of you?

•one time you needed to burn off some steam and he suggested that you could spar with him, with a little bit of convincing, you agreed and something about seeing you sweating and moving around in the dimly lit room just like made him feel butterflys, no i cant explain why.

N - nicknames - what do they call their s/o?

•alrighty, he would call you like weird nicknames as a joke to embarrass you, but fr? he uses "love" for a pet name

O - open - how long does it take for them to open up to you?

• About his past? depends. He doesnt really keep his past a huge secret but he 100% wont bring it up unless you ask because he finds opening up to be awkward and a sign of weakness (unless its someone else venting, then its fine just not him.)

P - patience - how quickly are they annoyed?

•Doesnt get annoyed fast because he quite literately spends his whole life training and then still fails sometimes, so hes very patient, and when his patience runs thin, either he is not aware and might snap at you, or hes very aware and runs away to avoid snapping at you

Q - quizzes - how much do they remember about you?

•Forgets his own age but he does remember the important things about you like your birthday, favorite candy, color, etc!

R - rainy day - what do they like to do on rainy days?

•he loves to take you outside and find worms, stomp in puddles, pull pranks on random people, etc. You gotta remeber hes still a kid (17) also if you get a cold the next day, hes apologizing like his life depends on it

S - security (hahahahah got you) - how protective are they?

•he knows you can protect yourself because he has probably taught you some self defense moves, but if hes there and some person is like trying to touch or or assault you, lets just say its a gorey sight<3

T - talk - what do they like to talk to you about?

•Everything and nothing, he shares all the gossip with you. also, bring up the topic of insects and suddenly hes reciting to you a whole ass book about them

U - ugly - what is a red flag of theirs?

•After a fight,he will just shower you in praises and everything to try and get you to stop being mad,now you might think "oh this isnt that bad!!!" to which your right in some degree BUT it’s a little manipulative core

V - vanity - how concerned are they with their looks?

•Considering hes a champion of Belobog, he is pretty concerned about his looks, he LOVES when you compliment him, will never forget it.

W - whole - would they feel complete w/o you?

•Would mange ok physically, his performance might falter a little but emotionally? if hes opened up to you, hes not recovering. But of course he plays it off because he’s to proud for that. (will beg for you back if given the opportunity.)

X- xtra - random hc for them

•Loves to show you off,basically the whole of belobog knows you two are dating.

Y - yuck - what is something they would not like in a partner?

• A overly sympathetic person, no i can’t explain this one and please don’t get mad at me

Z - zzz - what are they like when they sleep?

•if you guys are cuddling, you might break a rib or two from him holding you so tightly.

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a/n: i got these hcs out of satans ass,so if they are ooc,please tell me

#luka hsr #luka x reader #fluff #fluff alphabet #no beta we die like men

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murdocking · 7 months

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„ᴛᴏ ꜱᴇᴇ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴛʀᴜᴛʜ”

- a chishiya series. ch3 ch5

masterlist

warnings + notes: not much happening here!! just mentions of sex and whatnot… chapter is kinda plain i cant lie

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ꜰᴏᴜʀ:

- GAME START

chishiya has to rope himself down to reality multiple times. his first impression of you made him feel his throat and heart clench- even though you looked ragged from this world.

but now, after he’s successfully dragged you into his beginning phase of his scheme against the beach- he’s partially worried on how focus he’ll remain on this mission. somehow, he wishes you chose a regular swimsuit bottom, the short swim-skirt makes his mind freeze as he sees it shift whenever you walk. he’s not complaining, but at the same time- the priority is to subtly get you to join his ploy.

he’s briefly mentioned it to kuina, a night where he escorted her to her room after she enjoyed one too many drinks- he’s not even fully sure if she’s genuine about her participation in the plan either.

he gives you a sly smile when you walk up, holding onto your arms and squeezing past the people flooding the beach.

“hey, so…” your slight nervousness amuses him. “do you mind showing me around, i’m actually a bit hungry and lost and you’re the only person i know here.”

chishiya isn’t sure why, but hearing that you need to depend on him makes him smile bigger- but he dismisses the expression quickly. he’s a man of little words, and just says “sure” before motioning with his hand to follow him.

the music blares intensely, and you’re amazed at how high the speakers go. you pass by the club scene, and you were very grateful for not staying longer than necessary. in every corner, people were on top of each other- moaning in their mouths. its highly uncomfortable for you, and you shuffle further down by chishiya just trying to get away.

“im starting to think you had me join a sex ring chishiya..” he laughs a bit, before turning to look at you “how come?”

“well first off.. we get here and that nani dude says you’re gonna have fun !”

“do you mean niragi? and i have my own fun, very much far away from all the loud and dirty people.”

you cringe a bit at hearing that you said the wrong name, but continue. “well then you leave me in a room with that freako hatter! he nearly fucked the girl in front of me.. and he was looking at me like i was next.” chishiya notices your shivers during ur recount, and he frowns a bit.

“if i could’ve stayed with you, i would’ve.”

he speaks lightly, and for some reason.. this affects you strongly

finally you arrive at the food bar- meals loitering the counters and tables, but none look appetizing.

“it’s the best they can do, most of it all is canned food, we don’t have many hunters here.” he speaks, stuffing his hands into his jacket pockets and following behind you as you browse your options.

you hum as a reply, acknowledging his comment, and he’s right… the options and appearances of the plates seem to mediocre at best, but you grab the plate of rice and beans anyways.

chishiya is deep in thought, more than you’ve seen within your short time of knowing him. but he’s thinking of the best approach to start luring you in as his bait .

“hey chishiya” your voice snaps him out of his thoughts.

“whats up?”

“what did you do before… this ?” you motion to the sky, face contorted with curiosity. chishiya debates his response to you, how much exactly should he let you know about? he doesn’t exactly care for telling you anything about himself frankly, but despite the pessimism- he clears his throat and brings his hands out of his pocket once you sit at a booth.

“im a senior medical student, so far ive had the most experience out of my peers. ive been assisting in multiple patient cases. i’ll complete my studies quite soon actually.” chishiya doesnt realize hes spoken more than he intended, he honestly just was going to leave it at ‘im a senior medical student’- but looking at you makes him a bit more vocal.

you nod with awe, “wow! thats so cool, wish i had gone to school for something helpful like that.”

“what did you go for?”

“business.”

he laughs- and you scowl a bit and roughly scrape at your plate and eat some of your dinner

“what do you plan on doing with that?” he says, coming down from his giggles. you just shrug, mumbling your response.

“dont know, actually i went to an interview the day i got here. wanted to work in account files for a law firm.” chishiya nods “that seems promising, hope when you get out you score the job.”

you smile and thank him, and chishiya is internally kicking his brain hard. hes being too friendly for his own liking and its rather unsettling him.

he decides on staying silent after that, and you both sit in a comfortable silence as you eat- and he lays back across from you, resuming his music. every now and then, he looks at you subtly, staring at your lashes, nose and cheeks. he admits he finds you attractive.

the sky dims more, and ironically- you can hear more people join the party nearby. it’s honestly starting to give you a headache. a woman walks into the room, legs slender and tall and her locs flow behind her as she walks up to your table.

“chishiya. where have you been?” she asks your companion, and you begin to feel as though you’re being shut out slightly.

“ah, been helpin’ out the newest beach member.” the woman turns her head confused, but then lights up with shock when she meets your eyes.

“oh! you’re so pretty!” youre stunned, and you cant hide a bashful smile as you laugh a bit.

“oh thank you.. though im looking rather rough recently. you’re gorgeous though!” the woman’s heart swells and she smiles back, the cigarette butt between her teeth bouncing slightly.

she sticks her hand out towards you, “kuina” you shake it softly and introduce yourself, and begin to move down the booth to invite her to sit before chishiya cuts you off

“dont, shes not staying.” he says cooly, not even looking at you but rather kuina.

kuina raises an eyebrow, and chishiya gets up

“get back to your room safely. i’ll see you soon. “ his hands confide in his pockets and he walks out of the dining area, leaving kuina a few feet behind.

she quickly bids you goodnight and says how happy she is to have met you, and follows chishiya quickly.

you’re really confused, where are the two going? why are they leaving you alone… and what on earth are they doing?

you decide theres too many possibilities, some of which youd rather not know about or imagine- and choose to throw your now empty plate out and head back to bed.

chishiya is trying his best not to snap at kuina as she persistently inquires him about you.

“how’d you meet her?”

“a game.”

“oh? i doubt you helped her like some knight in armor” he sneers at her comment, “ah kuina you know me so well” she shrugs her shoulders as they step closer to the planning room.

“just don’t get why she hasn’t branched out to someone a bit more welcoming.”

though to another person, this would seem insulting, chishiya knows kuina well enough to know she’s being genuine- and knows his behavior quite well. he secretly agrees with her, he’s not exactly some warm and gentle person- and maybe you’d be better off with someone who is. but he can’t risk you meeting people and becoming attached, he needs you afterall for the plan to continue.

deep inside though, he enjoys the fact that he’ll get to see you so often.

#chishiya x reader #chishiya alice in borderland #alice in borderland #alice in borderland fanfic #alice in borderland x reader #chishiya shuntarou #aib fanfic #aib x reader #arisu alice in borderland #chishiya fanfic #chishiya shuntaro #niragi alice in borderland #kuina alice in borderland #chishiya imagine #shuntarou chishiya x reader #chishiya angst #chishiya fluff

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qumiiiquinnquin · 4 months

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im scared to tell my psychiatrist i tried to end myself twice within a month (sep-oct). i dont know why i am. i have to call the office myself since im an adult now, but im really scared making phonecalls. i have to do it because its been since april that ive seen my psychiatrist but i have to do it. i dont know when ill do it, im too scared. that fear frustrates my family a lot. i feel like im already a failure of an adult and will continue to be like that forever.

today was mostly good, just uneventful until this evening. but now im feeling depressed and i want to cry until i cant anymore, but i cant cry, so i just feel bad. i dont feel tired so i dont want to sleep, but its almost midnight so i should soon. im feeling stressed out about needing to call the psychiatrist's office, so i dont feel like i can relax at all.

ive just been feeling bad a lot lately but thats not new, i say think that to myself every other week or so. whats making me sad the most right now is hating my art. i dont have any confidence in my art but i want to get better, but i dont think i ever will. i will always have mediocre talent, no matter how hard i try. i keep thinking about burning my physical art and either deleting my digital art or just even destroying my laptop, though the latter is very excessive, but i still think about it every now and then out of frustration. i want to give up but i really dont know what else id do, ive always drawn since i was very little, its always made me happy. i really want to not care how upset stopping would make people, including myself, but if i dont stop out of just purely giving up, i probably will stop because i k!lled myself.

every day is feeling the same, it even felt that way when classes were still going. i got so used to the schedule that i got used to the systematic cycle. i partially dont want classes to start again because of that, its boring and the amount of work is stressful, im just going to go back to breaking down and nearly attempting from stress and lack of confidence that i can really do this, that i can really power through and get the degree i want. i keep getting told im smart and always work hard, but that really doesnt mean anything now. being and doing those things doesnt suddenly mean that because of those things, ill survive the stress. it only actually makes it worse, like im ridiculous for feeling the pressure and have the mental health collapses that i do because of college, that im not trying hard enough and am lazy.

for some reason the desire for love has been on my mind and i dont know why, youve seen the pathetic longing things i say about romance. right now i feel like i am missing out and am a failure by societal standards for not even have dated in my life, and i still dont have a partner at 18 years old. i feel extremely lonely to the point that seeing other couples makes me depressed, which is probably selfish of me. i feel like and believe now that i will always be alone. i know i am not beautiful to anyone, i know i am not funny, i am not interesting, im a pain in the ass, im too much to deal with and am just unlovable in general. i hate feeling this way, i never cared about romance or relationships and have always been repulsed at the idea of me ever being loved romantically or being in a relationship. i feel stupid. i feel like a jerk. i feel like i deserve to be alone forever, and i really do. or maybe, just end myself, if im so unlovable in every way, then why not just weed myself out? whoever takes my place will be much more worth it than i ever could be. its so stupid thinking about myself d*ing from a broken heart. "just grow up, sad excuse of a grown adult." (in quotes because its a direct thought to myself towards myself, nobody else)

i really doubt everything will get better, ive felt this same exact way for 3 years now. sad, burntout, stressed, like im nothing but a problem for my family, a burden and waste of time to be around or talk to or care about. i did attempt once in 2021 but failed, obviously im still alive. i really want to try again. im really scared of pain, so im trying to find the quickest way or the least painful option. if i just call, i can get different meds or a different dosage and i wont feel this terrible. im so childish for an adult to be unable to make a fucking phonecall. i feel like next year might be it, im not sure why i get that feeling, but i dont have any reason to keep going. im not looking forward to anything. nothing is really that fun or exciting, i just try to distract myself. i know im not wanted, and im too difficult for my family.

its now a half hour after midnight because im incapable of shutting the fuck up. i might just lay down and watch youtube or cry myself to sleep, whichever happens first

#vent #tw sui ideation #tw sui vent #tw sui attempt #long post #well this escalated fast #i am useless and pathetic. i am going to remain this way forever. the only way out is to just disappear i think. im tired of being alive

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ynluvy · 1 year

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katie’s babysitter—-btr x black reader.

warnings : none, maybe some mediocre writing but nothing really. BLACK READER !!!!

word ct : 1,143

author’s note : heyy bestiess !! i thought taking the holiday break i got at school

and putting to use with this story could bring back the audience and refresh my account!

ive been thinking of a btr fic that has multiple parts and i think this is it! I feel like the ending is rushed but its literally almost 7 am and i haven’t had a wink of sleep yet. I have so much to do but im glad i took the time to sit down and write this for you guys! thanks for sticking around, and ill get to re-writing this soon.

much love!!

PROLOGUE.

katie had grown, she was eleven now, and arguing with her mother about how she didn't need a babysitter, she was able to take care of herself. she could put out a fire if she wanted to, and that sentence alone made ms. knight call you up.

you arrive at apartment 2J from 6E and knock lightly, and almost immediately the door is opened and an average height guy opens the door. he has pale skin, but his short brown hair and eyes contrast. he's built, but not bulky. hes surprised but smiles warmly. “you’re the babysitter for katie?” you nod and smile awkwardly under his slightly intense gaze, you shift your bag to the middle of your body as you hold onto its white leather strap with both hands. He watches “yep, that's me.” he shifts his body to the side.

“im logan, not katie’s brother but a friend of his. come in, katie’s in her room sulking since she didn't want a babysitter.” he says and you snort. “glad to know i wasn't wanted.” your comment causes him to chuckle. katie emerges from her room, walking up to you and huffing. “i honestly don't even know why my mom called you. ill just give you your payment and you can leave, easy money!” she cracks a fake smile you see right through. you place your hands on your knees and get eye level with her. “katie, im gonna be here for the 4 hours your mother requested me to stay. you’re stuck with me, girlie. if it was that easy i would’ve taken your offer.” she sighs and walks to sit on the couch as you stand

as you straighten your back and walk past her to the kitchen it was then you see three other guys now by logan watching what had transpired between you and katie with hooded eyes and a daydream-like smile. You stare for a sec until you clear your throat. “um, fun question. who are you three?” they introduce themselves and you get acquainted as katie gets you to do things with her around the crib. the four guys follow you around like a puppy dog and act like they arent when you turn to them, distracting themselves with whatever is around them. you snicker, then hours go by and ms. knight calls you up. “there’s a hold up at the office, do you think you could stay for 2 or 3 more hours maybe ? ill pay you extra, just please? i cant trust those boys for the life of me.” you chuckle and agree. “sure ms. knight, i can stay for a couple more hours with katie. she a cool kid so its no prob.” she thanks you immensely and promises to call when she can make it back, to which you assure her its no problem and the call ends.

you turn to katie and she look almost excited. “you can really stay longer? dont mess with me y/n.” she says and you giggle. “yea katie, you're stuck with me for a little while longer.” she smiles and pulls you to the kitchen. “ i wanna make cookies, easy cookies. like sugar cookies.” she says, and you nod. “We can definitely do that.” and you both get to work under four sets of eyes. You look up and crack a half-smile“Do you boys like sugar cookies?” you ask and they all nod quickly, carlos chiming. “yea,yea! love em, they’re so sweet, and pretty- i-i mean! Pretty good, y’know cuz they’re cookies, not–not a person.” the other three look over to him and scrutinize him with their eyes and he slumps in his chair. Kendall gets an idea and walks around to the kitchen, right between you and katie. “Is there anything you need help with, y/n?” you give him the dry ingredients and a bowl. “add these to the bowl, grab the measuring cups and ill tell you how much of what ingredient, ‘kay?” he nods and starts with your assistance, the other burning a hole in kendall’s face.

“Why the long face boys? Did you wanna help too?” they all nod and you give each of them a bowl with ingredients and give them an assignment. everyone was working on their own thing in silence and thirty minutes later there’s a hot plate of sugar cookies on the table and each one of you has one in your hand, snacking and complimenting each other on their assignment. logan snorts. “y/n im not gonna beat around the bush anymore,alright? do you wanna go on a date with me?” he said, almost like normal conversation and thats when all hell broke loose. james looks bewildered, snapping his neck towards logan. “I was gonna ask her out first! How dare you, logan, ask this fine lady in such a way??” he says, winking at you and having you even more confused. Now kendall and carlos are having a screaming fight and before anything escalates you put a stop to it.

“all four of you, quiet! how about this,” you think to yourself and have an idea. “ill go on a date with all four of you, ONE date each. whoever’s date goes well in my opinion ill go on a second date with and further on. logan’s first since he was confident enough to ask me out directly. James next, kendall, then carlos. Sound like a plan?” they all nod and re-adjust themselves. “Now, the rest of the week im free until i get a gig or babysitting call. If you’re free this week it can happen.” they all agree and ms. knight comes home. “im home guys! mm, it smells really good in here.” she walks up and grabs a cookie, eating it and asking questions to each one you answer truthfully and take your leave. “bye katie, bye boys. logan, ill see you tomorrow?” he nods and the door closes and you walk to your apartment.

what’ve you got yourself into? thinking you’re being proactive but in reality you set yourself up for failure with this decision. but, you cant stress yourself out. whats done is done.

#btr imagine #logan mitchell #big time rush #james diamond #kendall knight #carlos garcia #logan henderson #big time rush imagines #james maslow #carlos penavega #kendall schmidt

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g0dtier · 4 months

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the list that makes me and @dentist-brainsurgeon mortal enemies from now on i guess

extremely lengthy explanations under the cut:

i actually think the S+A tier speak for themselves?

S tier: the goats. im aware its full of third versions but they just happen to be extremely good and added some insane shit to already solid base games (ok diamond and pearl werent solid but the foundation was there). replayability is insane for these.

A tier: the Oh Fuck Yeah games. not in any particular order actually. hgss is absolutely the best remake of all, only held back by the few inherent flaws of the Johto region and by not emulating Crystal enough. as much as i like bw, reverting back to only one region of pokemon never sat right by me, but it's been a while since ive played it, and nowadays i make much more of an effort to try out all new mons. so i could change my mind on this.

i liked usum more than sun/moon, if only for the post game. replayability isnt as high because of the cutscenes every 3 steps, and rotom dex is annoying as shit. aside from that, insanely solid story & postgame imo. red/blue and gold/silver are brimming with weird places in their regions and are chock full of in game lore and legends, which i really like. the ruins of alph & pokemon tower are some of the best locations theyve ever made imo

B tier is the "good but couldve been better" tier. lets go is insane for shiny hunting, but it stops at that imo. the new rival is garbo. sun and moon are good, but the postgame + alola in general is just lacking enough in these games that they dont reach A tier for me. loveeed the island challenges tho. alola itself has just such a good vibe. you really feel like its about community rather than competition. legends arceus couldve been insanely good, but i have never felt as ripped out of a pokemon game as i did when i walked through that cave in the coronet region and started seeing stray pixels around my character. which wasnt a one time thing btw this happens to anyones game & every time as far as ive seen. its gonna sound dramatic but this combined with other graphics glitches made it so clear i was playing a game that it just took me out of the adventure entirely. this is where the graphics glitches really started, and they havent stopped since.

C tier: yellow is just kinda there? i dont care for starter pikachu. i want to, but it gets killed when breathed at, so. idk. the gimmick doesnt work that well for me. sword and shield introduced some insane mons that i love and i want to call it solid real bad, but the story was hot garbage even for pokemon standards, and while the wild area was a great idea, the execution was lacking & because what i assume is a time crunch, the towns were boring as shit as well. diamond & pearl are mediocre to bad, with a great story and mediocre to bad execution, and i shouldve put oras in the :( tier, but the postgame is worth it.

actually im gonna rant about oras. i was so hyped for it but, just, ugh. if youre gonna turn a 2d vague not-specified-what-a-character-is-doing-or-feeling player character to 3d, at least do it correctly. 2d sprites where someone can fill in the blanks not seen on screen but hinted at in text (ie expressions, actions like handing someone something) work infinitely better than 3d sprites who show it badly. also still suffers from the desaturation curse that the 3ds games suffer from. postgame was dope, though. shame the mega latis are ugly as shit.

:( tier: garbage, im so sorry. SV's only redeeming factor is the area zero story. there is nothing else in the game that held my attention. fuck the star team, fuck the big pokemon quests, fuck the towns where you cant talk to anyone or find anything interesting or walk into a house and where every shop looks the game. fuck stores not even having an interior anymore. fuck this larger but emptier and stripped down world full of graphical glitches. fuck the weak ass gyms, fuck geeta, and fuck terrastalizing most of all. i will die for Koraidon & the professor fight fucking ruled but that's all the game had to it for me. do any of yall remember the gym leaders besides like, iono and the snowboard man? no you dont, stop lying to me. gen I put more life into lavender town by making a npc reference some ghost hand on your shoulder than SV does for any town, and they only had black and white 32mb cartridges or whatever to work with. for fucking shame gamefreak. give your devs some time to make a halfway functioning game.

firered and leafgreen do nothing new. i will not discuss the sevii islands. what the fuck even was that. boring. same with brilliant diamond and shining pearl. theyre lower than diamond and pearl because why the fuck did they not decide to remake platinum. what the hell was their damage. seriously platinum was RIGHT there. i caught a full odds shiny ghastly in that game and i still dont care about it.

X&Y suffers from. everything.

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soldier-poet-king · 8 months

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career anxiety which turned into existential dread which turned into me guiltily defending my use of stories as narrative framing devices for my own life & human existence as storytelling more broadly (smthn smthn sometimes you gotta be a little mentally unwell to be mentally well)

what is possibly the longest cringe worst thing ive ever put on this webbed site, but i gotta get it out in writing to clear my head and i type more quickly than i write and if there's a post length limit by god i'm gonna find out

with my deepest apologies if this readmore doesnt work

so we had a Big Fancy Meeting at work today, with a group of information professionals from an Outside Institution (some of whom i had met previously), and which i got to sit in on/play tech support for, which was all fine and well for the actual presentation portion of the event, but afterwards when it was informal chatting and the like it was just???

The following things are true:

i actually got to speak with people close-ish to my age and in my profession

it was a very nice and enjoyable experience and we got to talk both seriously about professional things and also jokingly shoot the shit about shared woes with this one outdated archival software that everyone under the age of 60 hates with a passion

i was also incredibly jealous of this group of archivists & librarians because they're all /friendly/ with each other and i am lonely being the youngest person at work

i am also jealous because theyre working on very exciting projects at A Big Institution with Actual Resources and Technology and PROCEDURES my beloved, and not the slapdash kinda thing going on at my work

this in turn made me anxious because there were certain elements of the conversation i couldn't follow and i worry about my professional development at my current job, and that my technical skills are either atrophying, or not growing in a way that would enable me to get hired at A Big Institution like this one (which is the ultimate goal)

this in turn made me more stressed about my current job, which i just got promoted to fulltime permanent for the following

beyond the skill atrophy fear there is also the fact that my boss is grooming me to be her successor when she retires in 5 yrs and i very Much Do Not Want to be here in 5 years

this adds several layers of guilt

i was just promoted so im getting really sweet messages of congrats from random ppl in other departments who i didnt even think knew/care i existed - the people at this workplace are extremely nice, even if im like. meh. about some of the work/procedures/etc

a large part of my promotion being approved hinged on the fact that im undertaking this big technical project that my boss doesnt have the technical know-how to do. so i cant just bail and leave them high and dry without feeling guilt. but also. it's not so fancy a project that someone else couldnt do it. anyone in my field worth their salt and not super old should be able to handle it. sure i work hard and im friendly, but surely that's not that rare in an employee

i dont even KNOW if there's better opportunities out there. but i see stuff on the listserv all the time, and assuming i could land those jobs, they pay better and are at larger orgs and more in line with what i want

there is an element to working non-profit adjacent that is guilt inducing as well as [redacted thing about my work that would make me feel even guiltier for leaving, i cannot say what, but it is Significant]

this of course, tapped into my larger, ongoing sense of ennui and being 'stuck' and fears about unchosen monotony and purposelessness and all that mid 20s recent grad existential bullshit. i cant really do anything to solve it bc yknow, unprecedented housing crisis, rent is insane, im stuck living in a dysfunctional household which traumatized me as a child, etc etc etc. but broadly:

i am afraid of being stuck in a mediocre job forever. my boss has worked for two (2) archives her whole life and has always done non-profit adjacent work and is like. a one man small archive thing. i VERY MUCH DO NOT WANT THAT

i feel guilty for wanting

idk how to want things or be a person (separate issue), but i know very much what i want career wise. i know what makes me happy and satisfied. and i know what im good at. im doing fine at my current job but i know i could be so much MORE and i want that desperately

if my personal life is always doomed to be dismal, as is my family life, can i at least have one thing

i gave up academia for my mental health and some degree of financial stability, can i at least satisfy SOME of my ambitions here?? just a few??

yes this is pride. yes this is ambition. just bc i spent so long extremely depressed and with 0 self esteem does not make me immune to ambition, even if non traditional.

i feel immense guilt over this but i dont stop wanting it

ofc, my brain is a web, all existence is inextricably interconnected, and im listening to the tge audiobook on my commute and rotating csevet in my brain, thara is more personal, more beloved maybe, but csevet is my fave lil guy babygirl and i have a thing for fantasy secretaries, so i am now thinking even MORE of ambition, and how i have it, and how i love that im good at this one complex but boring thing, i am thinking of kip mdang, of kamet, of muire lo, of how some of my deepest loves, in no particular order, include: organization and scheduling, devotion, competency, well-ordered policies and procedures, righteous anger, boring skills being used to change the world for good, small kindnesses, Duty, loyalty to a person or ideal which goes beyond the functional and the expected and which extends into unprecedented levels of intimacy - whether it be friendship, qprs, romance, etc, and also, metadata and research

so. as i sit there sorting this all out in my brain i am like. wow you are a pathetic human being. you are not even a person. like. why is everything being framed in terms of narrative and story. why does everything relate to a Broader Theme or Arc or Meaning.

i am forcibly reminded of being undiagnosed, unmedicated, aged 18/19 and trying to explain smthn really personal about myself to someone i knew from youth group and him being like. wow. you describe everything and relate to everything from stories.

to this day i live in embarassment over this moment. but also. lowkey. fuck him. and tradcath circles be WILD, the social dynamics BAD, and it was not the place for me to be, even tho i latched on to it lacking any other social contact at the time. if a complete mental breakdown, latent OCD, and a really painful loss of friends is what it took to get me out. like. i cant say i dont regret the loss, but also, i like who im becoming much better now

ANYWAY. i got thinking about stories and why i am and am not extremely cringe

i am a big believer in storytelling is the oldest human activity. it's the most fundamental human activity. this isn't some nihilistic devaluing of the human person, the soul, the human experience, it is instead and elevation of the story. because like. stories are what we do to live. it's why we live. it's how we communicate. storytelling is how we turn to another person and we attempt to communicate the innermost secrets of our heart. language is a flawed tool always ultimately falling short. but we use stories to share ourselves with each other, to be recognized and known, and throughout the ages, to share our grief and love, to know to oneself, no, i'm not the only one, others have experienced this before too. stories are balms and inspirations and are ultimately reflections of their creators, they reflect some Truth about the human experience back to us

im not even talking like. published stories. tv shows. mcu ification of media. i mean /stories/. in whatever form. from whatever time. this isn't a fandom thing - though there is overlap, im not talking about consumption for the sake of consumption, or consumption as a personality trait

i mean like. stories as the bedrock of humanity because it is the only way we can attempt to understand ourselves. stories are foundational because the human person is too complex, having too much of the image of the divine in it, to ever be really fully successfully understood. and so of course. of course we turn to stories in times of trouble, and triumph, and all the times in between. how could we not turn to stories to attempt the divine understanding that is always ultimately beyond us?

(i have a whole other locked and loaded series of thoughts on storytelling in faith traditions, and specifically how the bible is a literary work as well as a spiritual one, and the reasons for this reflected in the human soul, but i digress)

so really. maybe i am pathetic and cringe and a fake not real person (i am all of those things), but i hope it's not because i think in stories, in themes, in arcs. everything is tangled in my brain, inextricable, i can do nothing else, i know nothing else, i would not want anything else, unless it were the full divine understanding beyond mortal means

and besides. i am trying. to be better. to be more. to have comforts and hobbies beyond this. the crafting. the cooking. the career ambitions that arose when i found something that i was good at and enjoyed and was /me/. my insatiable need to learn to dance.

i dont know where im going with this. i barely know where i started. it's stories all the way down, because it's people all the way down, and we are all mirrors of each other and we are all connections with each other in a vast caring world. or. so i like to think

#franposting #long post #im so sorry but also i needed this so.#smthn smthn you go to the circus (my blog) dont be surprised when there's clowns (me) etc etc #i had to take a break in the middle of typing this bc i got worn out emotionally #should that have been a sign to stop? maybe. but i cant read so that sign wont stop me etc #this is the most embarassing cringe thing i have ever posed in my ELEVEN YEARS on this site #ah well #gotta weed out the weak. natural selection for my horribleness #and now. i am going to play bg3 for a bit. and then read. and then bed bc alas. commuting

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30-3am · 6 months

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Im not even joking or kissing ass when i say you're the best writer ive come across on here (I don't really read irl besides a little life that's my favourite book, but besides the point). The way you portray...everything!! Is so unique and beautiful and heartbreaking and every good thing there is.

Does it come naturally or do you get in a mindset to be able to produce such good writing lol i hope you get what i mean

I'll be here waiting for the next part knowing it's going to be everything i wished for and more. I've cried so much to barefoot and i love and relate to heather sm it actually hurts. The only thing bad about it is that i cry before going to bed and then I cant sleep and wake up w a swollen face but that's my problem ((:

thank you so so much, sweetheart! i'm so glad you're enjoying barefoot...messages like this is rlly what keeps me going with the fic <33

to answer your question, i've always loved creative writing!! it used to be my thing in every school i went to. i had a bond with every english teacher because we would talk about literature and writing and they were all very encouraging. but it certainly doesn't come easy. it's taken me many years of writing some very poor stuff to get to the level i'm at now. and i'm still not fully happy with the way i write.

some of the things i wrote when i was a teenager that i thought was so profound and interesting were in fact very very mediocre. and the same goes for the shitty fanfic i wrote when i was that age too. tbh, i don't even like anything i've written pre-barefoot either and if it wasn't for the fact people liked them so much, i would've taken them down by now.

so its a journey but i've fallen in love with writing lately and i'm very happy it's becoming my leading hobby.

#alana's appreciation #barefoot #anon #ask

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horrorartist23 · 8 months

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I know nobody asked and nothing happened to bring it up but I should clarify a few things.

I start alot of things and dont finish them because I dont have time and have way too many things on my mind. Too many ideas

Im simply not good enough. My art is mediocre at best with a bit of shading to hide my mistakes and make it look pretty. I have one or two good days were I can draw a somewhat good picture

Almost if not all ideas that I have are just cringy. I look back at them after posting and physically cringe or they just make no sense what so ever

Im not motivated anymore when it comes to art. I used to love drawing but ive been standing on the same spot for a while now and its annoying. I hate to admit it but its not fun anymore. Drawing is becoming more a chore to do rather then to simply draw and ,,have fun". Guess I lost my spark

I dont know how professionals do it or how simply any1 else does it but it has to be pure luck.

And im not a good writer either so fanfictions fall out of the picture. Its the same with the points mentioned above. I cant dance, or crochet or do anything else really. Now I cant even draw anymore.

I can play video games. Thats fun i guess. But yeah.

Sorry but I had to get that off my chest. Its a small rant for myself

#rant #im angry can you tell?#drawing #art #but Its off my chest so I feel slightly better #i keep coming back to drawing too #its wierd #everything is wierd #god im done dude

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tvvivi · 3 months

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Twilight

summary:

Life was fine, going to school Monday through Friday and going to church on the weekends. Throughout the school year I would get real busy and didn’t have much time to do things I enjoy. Going home from school would take about an hour, while I was on the train I would put on my headphones and listen to music, always looking out the window. I didn’t talk to anyone and nobody talked to me.

When I was home, all I did was lay in my bed and watch movies. I love movies. The way they make me laugh, smile, and cry. They help me forget the boring life I had.

So when I woke up on a plane with a grandma sitting right next to me, I panicked. When I realized what was going on, I went along with it. I just wanted to have fun. I didn’t think I would stay there for long. But if I was staying here for the rest of my life with stupid dumb people where vampires and werewolves existed, I wouldn’t want to go back to my boring mediocre life.

[1,386 words]

Chapter 3 - Edward Cullen

After lunch Mike walked me to Biology class, when we get there I walk in and see Edward, his dark brown hair, his perfect pretty face. He has such nice eyes and even his eyebrows look perfect. I see him cover his nose like he just smelled the most repulsive thing in his life. The expression he’s making makes his face weird. He looks constipated. The teacher tells me to sit next to him and I try not to give him a look back. During class he just keeps staring at me and I want to tell him to piss off but I don't. Before the bell even rang he got up and basically ran out the door. I know Edward is at the main office asking to get his schedule changed.

After school Charlie took me to a diner to eat out. When we got home I did my homework and waited for Bellas mom to call. We talked about my day and how weird the kids are at the new school. The only person who I liked was Jessica, even though she seems not to like me I like the way she knows how to act, she knows when to laugh and when to smile. She’s has a pretty smile.

Angela is okay too but I don’t like the fact that she took a picture of me without asking first. She didn’t have much screen time in the movie so I cant really say anything about her.

Mike and Eric seem like good guys, though they are a little dense. They don’t even notice when a girl so close and so pretty likes them.

That night when I go to sleep I think about Edward and I try to remember the story line as best as possible. What I do remember though is that Edward, that weirdo, comes into my room at night and watches Bella, aka me, sleep. Though I don’t think that happens until a little while later.

The next day at school I don't see Edward around and I know its because he’s having his little “episode” about not being able to read my mind. He misses a week of school.

When I wake up for school I don’t see my truck, I assume Charlie went to go switch out the tires. I also assume this is when the “animal” attacks start.

When I get out of the house and start walking to the truck I slip and fall. Charlie runs over to me,

“You all right?” He asks me as he helps me up, Im so embarrassed right now.

“Yeah, Im good. Thanks.” I say, looking at the floor. While walking to the truck he tells me about the tires,

“Yeah, just be carful. I put new tires on the truck, old ones were getting pretty bald.” He tells me while lightly kicking the front wheel.

“Well, probably be late for dinner. I gotta head down to Mason County.” Right on cue,“Security guard at the Grisham Mill got killed by some kind of animal.”

“An animal?” I ask, hoping to learn something useful.

“You’re not in Phoenix anymore, Bells.” Of course I know Im not in Phoenix, Ive never even been there.

“Anyway I figured I’d lend a hand.” Charlie says, guess he wont be home as often.

“Be careful.” I tell him, even though I know nothing bad is going to happen to him Im still worried. Guess Im getting attached.

“Always am.” He tells me, I give him a smile and thank him for the tires.

“Yeah.” He gets into his car, I get into mine and drive off to school.

Eric comes up to me while I'm on my way to biology, “Prom Committee is a chick thing but I gotta cover it for the paper anyway, and they need a guy to help choose the music so I need your playlist. Hey, listen, um I was wondering, did you have a date to..” Eric didn’t get to finish as Mike came up to us,

“What’s up Arizona? How you liking the rain girl?” Mike says while shaking his wet cap on top of my hair letting the droplets fall on top of my head.

“Better get used to it girl.” Mike says, I chuckle at his comment and move away from them, and start walking to the lab table. I see Edward sitting down at the table, looking at me. He’s so weird for that, I don’t think I’ll ever get used to him staring at me with those pretty eyes. Though today I notice that he’s not wearing the contacts that hide his beautiful eyes.

I sit down next to him giving him a nod before I sit down, I didn’t want to be rude. While waiting for class to start, he talks to me.

“Hello. I’m sorry I didn’t get to introduce myself last week. Im Edward Cullen. You’re Bella?” He says while smiling at me, I want to punch him in the face. No shit you dumb fuck, You didn’t come to school for a week just so you could avoid me.

“Uhm yeah.” I smile at him a bit and look away while the teacher starts talking. He says something about an onion root tip cells and something else about phases of mitosis.

“Ladies first.” He says while sliding the microscope over to me.

“Thanks,” I look into the microscope trying to make it focus on the sample so that I could see it better.

“You weren’t here for awhile.” I glance over at him for a second,

“Yeah, I was out of town for a couple of days. Personal reasons.” He avoids looking at me in the eyes. I roll my eyes, He’s such a bad liar.

“Prophase.” I slide the microscope to the side and write down my observations.

“Do you mind if I look?” He looks at me, I just give him a shrug. He slides the microscope over to his side to look into it. He doesn’t even look at it for long when he says,

“Its Prophase.”

“Yeah, that’s what I said.” I tell him, why doesn’t he just listen to me?

“You enjoying the rain?” He’s looking at me and smiling, he looks hot, he has a nice smile.

“Yeah, I guess. Makes me want to stay in bed all day listening to music and drinking coffee,” I smile back at him, Just because Bella didn’t like the rain or anything ‘cold’ doesn’t mean I don’t. I enjoy the rain, Well I don’t like getting wet but looking at the rain is nice. “What about you? You like the rain?”

“Yeah, I like the rain.” He smiles at me and grabs the next sample switching the other one out. He looks at the sample through the microscope, “It’s Anaphase.” He didn’t look back up at me and just started writing it down on his paper.

“Mind if I check?” I said,

“Sure.” He looked up at me. I didn’t bother really checking, I just took a quick glance,

“Anaphase.” I looked over at him and saw him smiling at me. He has such a cute smile.

“Like I said.” He chuckled a bit and showed his nice strait white teeth. God he’s so hot. I didn’t bother writing it down on my paper, I didn’t care much about this assignment. Not when I can just spend class talking to Edward.

“I get why you moved here then, the wettest place in the continental U.S. you love it” He looked over in my direction but didn’t bother making eye contact with me.

“Well, not really. Its a bit more complicated than that.” I said but I cant really say much. I mean its not like I really know why Bella decided to come here.

“I’m sure I can keep up.” He said his eyes now on mine. This time though, I was the one to look away.

“Just drop it. Its none of your business” I was irritated, he should know how to mind his business.

“Sorry.” He grabbed the microscope and changed the samples. “It’s metaphase. You want to check it?”

“I believe you.” I looked back at him and he looked at me with his beautiful hazel eyes. I feel bad now.

#bella swan #edward cullen #fem reader #reader insert #the cullens #twilight saga #twilight sparkle #x reader #twilight movies #twilight renaissance #twilight bella #sorry if its bad #im trying #vampire #not weird at all #charlie swan #stephanie meyer #fanfiction #fanfic

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